#and engie is a dick

[friendlyengie]

what do you think abt engineer and scout potentially having a sort of weird father/son bond? like scout is desperately seeking approval from all of these older male figures in his life (like. canonically) and i think dell's actually nice & aware enough to give that to him

You know, engineer being a sort of paternal figure/having that sort of personality has fallen out of public favor lately (at least from the recent posts I’ve seen here and there) but I think it’s fun!! I think ideally it works best when it’s not a one to one dynamic of “father and son.” I think it’s more like… scout and his weird uncle/old man friend (he’s in his 40s) that is very aware of how desperate scout is for the approval of an authoritative male figure and is trying to be encouraging. In their own strange way! also just in general I think they would get along. Like. Idk. I think Engie is one of the few of the mercs who can knock some sense into scout without scout immediately recoiling and trying to fight for dominance. Mostly because he’s less condescending toward Scout and moreso just straightforward. He might call him “boy” if he’s mad at him but he can’t be bothered to be too frustrated by most of his antics. Just sets a standard! The standard is that if scout shows up and starts yapping nonstop without warning he has a chance of getting kicked out of the workshop, or if scout tries to touch a busted sentry that’s currently being repaired the responsibility to haul himself to medic after accidentally getting shot is on his shoulders!

#Engies a practical guy. He’s not a saint but I just think he’s got a solid head on his shoulders. #he’s a lot better at tempering petty annoyances and it makes it inherently easier for him to Not be a dick to scout #as opposed to spy who is. The way he is to his son. Heart. #Tf2 #I’m realizing I’m not as creative as I hope to be tonight. Whaugh!

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

i know you're not the biggest engie fan but how do you feel about short fuse? i think they could be sooo funny like,, dom bottom x dom top is really good, especially the way their different approaches to domming would interact, like demo is kinda bratty but he is trying to be actually be in charge y'know. AND the aftercare would go crazy,, sweetest mushiest aftercare ever

also tdick frottage

GODDDD YES I actually do like shortfuse very very much. Maybe bc a ton of people who draw it make Demo really hot and that gets me lmao. Dom top/dom bottom is reallyyyy good in general, I think "bratty" is such a good way to describe my Demo tf2 sex characterization but I don't think he usually drops the act. I think he's really good at being someone you want to make shut up (positively, sexually) and I think Engie is good at achieving that. Engie overstimming Demo's pussy w the Gunslinger while Demo still manages to tease him about how he can barely feel anything, is that all you got? in between whimpering and gasping and shaking. Do u see my vision. Oh God

#also i Do like engie i like engie i just don't think my ideas about him are particularly interesting or fresh </3 #see how much of this post is about demo? i'm just better at posting about him unfortunately </3 #goddd i like talking abt demo sex. ough #ask #anon #demo #engineer #short fuse #mick dicks #nsft

[prettyboypistol]

How mercs would react after having a wet dream

TF2 Mercs' Wet Dreams! ||TF2 x M!Reader|| +18 obviously

Scout

He imagines you shirtless and on his bed all cheesy porno style, you coax him over and pull him to the bed, kissing over his chest and murmuring about just how badly you need him.

He loves dreaming about you riding him and sucking him off, especially when you suffocate him in your chest and hold him close.

He has a recurring dream of you breathing heavily, panting out "Scout, Scout! Scout!" as you jerk yourself off as you ride.

Cums in his sleep and jerks off in the morning, sneaking away to wash the sheets early that morning.

Soldier

Solly is inspecting your dress code and orders you to attention for the formal inspection.

"Private! Will you do anything for your country?" "Sir, Yessir!" "No matter the cost, will you defend this base?!" "Sir, Yessir!" His voice a little quieter, yet slightly commanding as he leans into you. "Then show your major just how much you need his lead."

God, he loves imagining you in formal military dress as you kneel before him, praising his battle tactics and mouth full of dick.

Doesn't cum in his sleep, but it's a 70-30 shot that he'll grunt your name into his pillow as he ruts against his mattress.

Pyro

They imagine you as an angel, dawned in gloarious robes and with a halo and wings. Pyro isn't worthy- not a monster like them that can barely stay sane- yet you invite them forward and kiss their mask's forehead as you hike up your robe to expose yourself. "It's alright darling, you can touch me."

Secretly, Pyro wants to deflower you. They know you're probably not a virgin, but the idea of spoiling your virginity is so hot to them. The first one to touch your body, the first one to ruin you.

Pyro kneels and nuzzles your thighs in reverence as they touch you the way they desire. Their touches leave purple-black marks wherever they touch, actually staining you with sin. They feel so guilty about ruining an angel like you, but you're allowing them to!

Pyro does cum in their sleep, whimpering and writhing against their suit.

Demoman

Tavish's wet dreams start out like normal dreams- in a bar, drinking his heart out back in Scotland with his friends. Then he sees you from across the room. You give him a look that invites him over as you bite your bottom lip.

"Hey there sexy, you look like you could use some company." You flirt, petting Demoman's bicep. Tavish laughs and escorts you to the back of the bar, magically turned into a nicer bedroom as he lays you down.

It's a bit of a haze, but Tavish remembers thrusting into you and imagining how tight you mush be, he dreams about fingering you open with the hilt of eyelander if he's feeling a little fantasy-based rather than in the year of the lord 1971.

Sometimes he dreams of you fucking him, and those are the dreams that wake him up to stained sheets.

Heavy

In the cold russian nights, you knock on the door asking for a place to stay. Mikhail ushers you in and offers you a warm bath, which you graciously accept. Little do you know that there is a little hole in the wooden walls, where Heavy keeps an eye on you.

Mikhail touches himself to the sight of your naked back, as you seen to have the same idea in the bath, reveling in the now warm touches of your hands against your skin.

He hears you moan out his name as you masturbate, and that only fuels his fire more. He usually climaxes to a particularly loud and desperate begging from your lips.

Wakes up with a raging boner that he mostly will ignore, but will rarely take care of himself to the thought of you.

Engineer

You're kidnapped, tied up by the enemy- but you're naked and begging for someone to touch you! Engie is there to rescue you, but you look so handsome all vulnerable like that- you understand, don't you, darlin'?

Dell fucks you as you're tied up in the chair and mutters dirty things that make his sleeping body blush as he promises to fuck you in every way he can as he fucks you like a desperate man.

The feeling of your tightening around him and begging to let you cum, please don't call him daddy, he'll stain his sheets!

Is massively ashamed to touch himself when he's awake to thr thought of his coworker

Medic

You. On his operating table. Bound by the belts and struggling to escape as your dick is hard and tied with a little bow at the base. "To Medic" the gift tag says. Wouldn't it be rude to not use a gift?

He imagines you drunk on lust as he injects both you and himself with an aphrodesiac. Hazily, you two fuck on base instincts for hours as he shoves his cock deep into you over and over again, orgasm after orgasm until he was thoroughly used.

But you break your restraints, pin him against the table and fuck him from behind. It's your turn to use him like the cocksleeve he knows he is. Use him like a fleshlight, just as rough as you always imagine!

Doesn't cum in his sleep but jerks off into a test tube for research purposes later.

Spy

You and Spy are making out in his smoking room before you lay him down onto the couch, unbuttoning his suit and kissing all the skin you can reach as you undress him.

You finger him lazily with one hand, pouring him a glass of wine with the other. The glass is left on the side table as you suck hickeys into his thighs before you thrust into him.

It starts off slow- as it always does, you're always gentle at first- then you pick up the pace, drilling into him with reckless abandon as you chase your pleasure.

Spy sleepily jerks himself off from over his pyjama pants, more asleep than awake as he dreams of you absolutely wrecking him.

Sniper

He imagines you fucking yourself with your fingers in his Sniper Nest, holding his shirt close to you. You fuck yourself stupid as you moan out "Mundy, oh god, Mick- please fuck me!"

Mick loves watching, just like the creep he is. He loves the shame of watching someone through a sniper scope, even if he's not watching intimate moments like that. During missions, he likes to rub one out as he watches people do mundane things.

He fucks his fist in his sleep to the sight of you seducing him- the idea of you wanting him just as much as he wants you drives him insane.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #fanfiction #tf2 x reader #tf2 sniper #tf2 medic #tf2 spy #tf2 engineer #tf2 demoman #tf2 scout #tf2 heavy #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 scout x reader #tf2 soldier x reader #tf2 pyro x reader #tf2 demoman x reader #tf2 engineer x reader #tf2 heavy x reader #tf2 medic x reader #tf2 spy x reader #tf2 sniper x reader #tf2 smut #tf2 mercs x reader #tf2 mercs x male reader #tf2 mercs #tf2 headcannons #tf2 headcanons #tf2 x male reader #tf2 x you

[earthearthearththearth]

💞TF2 First Date Headcanons💞

This is my first time writing them! God this took so fucking long anyway

⚾Scout- To be honest, if he’s not that much into you (and even if he is), he probably wants to fuck on the first date. Or at least he thinks he wants to, but doesn’t make that much of a move. I think that the first date consists of intense planning that more than likely doesn’t work out. Maybe you guys just grab food or go to a game or something. He’s a baseball guy. He definitely seems like one too. A lot of the date is him talking to you, maybe you get a word in. Give the guy a break, he’s excited. His ideal date I think would be something active, or a place where you guys can talk and be loud. Think concerts. Although I don’t think he would go to those often. For some reason I can see him liking the zoo. At the end of the date, he might ask you to hang around. Just to have your company and have something like a little sleepover. 

🗡Spy- Oh it is fancy. It is fancy and it is elaborate. You are stunning, gorgeous, dashing, beautiful, a sight to behold, all of the above. He says this to you. He’s all about first impressions, and second ones. And third and fourths. Eventually you get through and he’s a little more normal, if that’s what you wanna say. But that’s a different post. I don’t know whether he would take you somewhere or think of something himself, but I think he would take you somewhere real fancy. The base is too hectic for a real date in his eyes. You probably don’t care. The date is small talk and classic. He pays, you feel a little bad. I imagine this isn’t something you’re used to. You’re definitely  going home with this guy, though. 

🦘Sniper-I imagine this guy is the type of person to teach his s/o, maybe everyone, to shoot a gun. So that’s what you do. It’s you two alone in the desert, shooting cans, shooting other shit, maybe you light a fire at some point when it gets dark. I like to think that despite him being very outdoorsy and Like That, he doesn’t mind staying in for his s/o. So maybe you guys cook something up in the camper. I don’t think you stick around in the camper in the middle of nowhere with a guy you just had a first date with. Or maybe you do! Cause like, how do you expect to get home?

🛠Engineer-You know that scene in the Barbie movie where Ken sings at Barbie and plays his guitar at the fire? You do now. That’s the date, but a lot less awkward. You and Engie’s date is a big ol’ bondfire and some guitar strumming. If you’re interested, he’ll show you the stuff he made. If you guys decide to cook over this fire, don’t be surprised if it gets interrupted with a few of the other guys. Or just Pyro. Definitely Pyro. He doesn’t mind too much, and hopefully neither do you. The date is sweet, and if you know how to play a guitar, then he’ll definitely let you take a crack at it. Good or bad, he’s kind of smitten. Most of the night consists of just sharing stories and enjoying each other’s presence, at some points you forget it’s a date. It just feels like a night out with a friend.

💣Demoman-Look me in the eyes and tell me what YOU think. Kidding. Kind of. Drinking will be involved at some point, but if you’re not up for a bar and getting shitfaced then WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING READING DEMOMAN’S SECTION? Kidding. His ideal first date is very mellow, surprisingly. Cooking together, showing you around. It’s been a white since I’ve been in the fandom, but he strikes me as kind of a book worm. Maybe it’s the hat. That motherfucker definitely read Moby Dick once or twice. Anyway, I think he likes to dance with his s/o! Very much just some slowdancing in the middle of a living room or kitchen or something. Maybe not the kitchen because people go in there. But if you don’t care then neither does he. To reference some book I read, he’s more than the [growing] alcoholic you took him for…he’s also a friend. I haven’t read the comics either in a while, but he’s a funny guy I know that. 

🔥Pyro-Yeah so there’s fire involved. What do I even tell you man. There’s fire and they tell you a lot of things, none of which you really understand, but it results in you guys drawing together too. Their drawings are pretty graphic, so you say fuck it. Now you both are sharing the red crayon. After this, you throw them into a large fire that you two lit. It used to be a tree. You have to admit it’s pretty beautiful. Especially when the sky turns dark, and not just from smoke. Maybe this guy does know what he’s doing. If it’s not a tree that’s caught on fire, then you too mosey on over to Engineer’s previously mentioned fire. Don’t think about it too hard. 

💉Medic-If it’s not canon, I imagine him as kind of a hermit. Maybe a major one. He’s definitely the type of guy to be working in the lab late one night. So, if you two are going to be a thing, you have to get used to said lab. Hopefully you’re not squeamish. The date is dissection. Whatever he is working on, you are too, but most things you’re not allowed to touch just yet, so you stick by the birds. He doesn’t mind for a while, but it is a date. Once this hits him, he lets you disembowel the corpse. Aw. Isn’t that sweet? You didn’t learn a thing, but the conversation and act itself was kind of fun!

🐻Heavy-A first date for him means getting to know each other. Very classic. I imagine, however, that his idea of getting to know each other means meeting the family. We all know he’s a family man, so you’re gonna meet them all. Haha funny reference. Anyway, you might fight a bear. Stories are shared, it’s a lot like Engineer’s date in that regard. You two have fun though. If you’re not up to meeting an entire family, though, that’s reasonable. He likes books. You probably do too. So you guys can read. Nothing like sharing other people’s stories

🦅Soldier- Oh you thought this was going to be nice. This was going to be nice and normal like the rest of them. Listen pal. Buddy. Chum. This is a first date. Nudity is involved, maybe not your own nudity, but someone’s definitely naked. I want to say you’re naked and covered in honey, but someone else did that two years ago. So like, maybe fight a bear man, snap a few necks. Make this man proud with the sweet sound of freedom (freedom to snap necks). 

👓Miss Pauling-Goodluck. She gets one day off a year, and she is not spending it on another first date. If you’re going on a date with her, you’re probably already together. It’s not your fault! Her schedule is shit. A date with her is most likely going to be staying in, ordering takeout, and watching some shows. She probably loves you if she’s spending her day off with you, but she’s not exactly the most energetic considering her job. 

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #tf2 medic #marble hornets #tf2 scout #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 heavy #tf2 miss pauling #tf2 pyro #tf2 soldier #tf2 engineer #tf2 demoman #tf2 x reader #tf2 headcanons #x reader #headcanons

[jermer10]

Oh god.. this is a bit depraved but here we goHello! Uh if you are taking requests right now, could you maybe make a spicy TF2 mercs x male!reader where the reader is into weapon play (could be their reactions to simple things .. like a gasp from the gun touching their skin to something more smutty, your pick!)It'd be nice to have all mercs but if too much sniper, soldier and engineer would the the 3 favs!

TF2 male s/o with a weapon kink

18+ only, male reader | tried to add some heavier nsfw, i hope you enjoy anon!

includes: soldier, engineer, sniper tw: sexual content, weapon play kink

drabbles under the cut :P

Soldier: - Soldier knew about this kink long before he had started fucking you - he may be stupid, but he knows what an erection looks like, and you were always rock hard after watching him bash an enemy to death with his market gardener - so he decided to confront you, like any concerned teammate would - ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO ME, MAGGOT?", he pressed the shovel into your throat, backing you into a corner - subtly isn't his strong suit - "what the f..fuck..?" your skin crawled with arousal - you couldn't speak, let alone think with the rusted edge of the weapon tugging at your skin - "why do you ask?" you choked out, face flushed in embarrassment - Soldier shamelessly palmed your erection, "THAT'S WHY." - you groaned, jaw slack and eye brows furrowed. you expected Soldier to relent, yet he continued to stroke you through your pants. - subtly DEFINITELY wasn't his strong suit, and to be frank you were enjoying the way he was man-handling you - "I SHARE THIS...ATTRACTION." a sickening grin plastered on his rough features and his shovel pressing harder into your trachea - his body was so close to yours, backing you against the concrete walls of the base and forcing himself onto you - your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he continued to grope at your cock - "fuuuuuck Soldier p..leas..e..." your voice was gruff, the words seemed to be drawn out of you "PLEASE WHAT, CUPCAKE?" you didn't take him for a tease - "fuhck me!" you plead, throatily moaning at the cold, stinging sensation of the shovel cutting into your throat, your cock throbbed, the fabric rubbing your dick raw - you didn't have to ask twice, Soldier pushed you to the ground, ass up, knees scraping against the concrete floor, and market gardener pressed strongly between your shoulder blades

Engineer: - he would never admit it, but if he had a dollar for the amount of times he spent fucking his fist thinking about stuffing you with the muzzle of his shotgun, he would be rich - so when was walking past your room and noticed your door ajar, hearing the unmistakable slick sounds of masturbation, he couldn't help but peer in, hoping to get some new material - and when he saw you fucking yourself with a pistol and breathily moaning his name, he knew that he had to help - "hey darlin', seems like you were callin' out my name?" he knocked on the doorframe, smirking at the way you scrambled to cover yourself - "now don't you worry, y/n...i'm here to help," your face was burning - he positioned himself behind you, leaning against the wall and pulling you into his lap - Engie pulled the gun out of your puckering hole and began thrusting - your slutty moans, accompanying the praising whispers and sticky noises of the gun and your asshole meeting repeatedly, bounced off of the walls in your bedroom - Engie, feeling the high from the moment and the power he held in his fist, clicked off the safety on the gun - you began to shake, adrenaline coursing through your veins and the fear that at any moment the trigger could be squeezed - he lazily stroked your cock with his right hand as his left drove the gun into you - even if he did kill you, you would just respawn with no memory of the last hour or so, but he wanted you to remember everything - it was all becoming too much for him, he could feel himself reaching climax as your writhing body pressed into his chest and crotch, and when he finally came, you came with him - ropes of cum lathered his hand and your bare chest, Engie was impressed, to say the least - but despite your joint climax, he wasn't finished with you

Sniper: - Sniper's hide site was in a heavily concealed room sitting atop a random abandoned building - where he was and what he was doing didn't matter, you had been targeted by the enemy team's Sniper, and despite the fact that from where he was perched you seemed clearly annoyed, he couldn't help but see the redness in your face as the other Australian cornered you time and time again with his kukri - countless backstabs from Spy, bonks with Scouts bat, nothing came close to the way your face would go beet when he held the knife to your neck before swiftly ending you - Sniper wanted to try it for himself, clearly you had some sort of attraction to him - and he would be lying if he didn't find the idea of forcing you to suck him off while holding a blade to your throat hot - he signaled you to come up to his spot, making sure no one followed you - "hey, what's up man?" you huffed, you looked exhausted - Sniper felt awkward, but the erection in his pants was unrelenting and the way your eyes met his with a sort of nervous lust didn't help - "on your knees." he simply stated, unsheathing the kukri from his belt holster - your face went blank, did you hear him correctly? was Sniper wrong about his assumption? - "oh god, you saw me with the other Sniper..." realization hit your face, and so did an embarrassed flush - you bashfully knelt, doe-eyed looking up at the New Zealander-Australian man - Sniper unbuckled his pants, his cock springing out into your face - he held the knife up to you "suck." he commanded, his face flush and his palms sweating profusely

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #ask #tf2 fanfiction #tf2 imagines #tf2 x reader #tf2 x you #tf2 sniper #tf2 engineer #tf2 soldier #male reader #jermer10 #tf2 smut #smut #tf2 x reader smut #tf2 x you smut

[hadesisonlyalad]

yk i dont post a lot on tumblr but we all saw that red flags post so im gonna take a moment of ur time to say something on each merc and the red flags listed for them. im doing a read more incase u havent seen the “mercs red flags” headcanon post and it does not flood ur page

both the medic and engie things with “not wanting to spend time with you/wont make time for you” is SUCH bullshit if that was the case they wouldnt even date you. and then ur telling me engie tf2, DELL CONAGHER, would NEVER want to take you on a date? like ever??? u are INSANE. And then sorry to tackle medic and engie in the same paragraph but they had a lot of common “””””red flags””””” that were listed. why would he yell at you. he hardly even yells in general (based off comics and voice lines) if anything hes just kinda a loud person 💀 AND YOU BRINGING UP ONE THING WONT MAKE HIM SUDDENLY IGNORE YOU FOR DAYS LIKE?? he KNOWS hes committing medical malpractice btw. he would not leave you for bringing that up he is WELL AWARE of what hes doing. and we see him CANONICALLY DISCIPLINE ARCHIMEDES IN MEET THE MEDIC, WHY WOULD HE TOLERATE HIS BIRDS ATTACKING YOU????

also why are we listing an addiction as a “red flag” what the fuck is wrong with you. i get not wanting to date someone with an addiction, its a valid concern, but thats SO much more serious than a “red flag” or “ick”??? LIKE ARE YOU OKAYYYY???????

AND THEN HEAVY’S RED FLAG IS “he has trauma” FUCKING. PACK IT UP GUYS IG IF YOU HAVE TRAUMA YOU CAN NEVER BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. (/s) WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

i’m fine with the miss pauling ones, at least two of them, because yeah, it’s canon that she doesn’t have the most time and i imagine if ur not a merc or work in that area a relationship might be a bit hard? but shes an honest person, i don’t think she’s gonna lie to you. idk im very neutral about the pauling ones, if anything theyre the most in character of this shithole list.

all i have to say for pyro is like. yk those people who hc pyro as aroace except theyre super weird about it? like theyre either infantilizing them or have weird ableist feelings about pyro? yeah thats the vibes im getting. actually wait where did u pull codependent pyro from actually wtf

i think the “tryna live like hes 20” thing for spy is really fucking funny 💀 like go girl go live through that middle age crisis!!/j no but seriously. hes dating you hes gonna think you’re a 10, and even then YOU’RE SAYING IF YOU AGE AT ALL HE’LL LEAVE YOU??? CANON MILF LOVER SPY. “OFF TO VISIT YOUR MOTHER!” SPY TF2. WILL LEAVE YOU IF YOU GET OLD AND AGE AT ALL…? HE LIKES HIS WOMEN LIKE HE LIKES HIS WINE MOTHERFUCKER: AGED. sorry bad joke lets keep going uh- i think the other hcs are garbage too i just really hate specifically this spy hc. just this one specifically.

im not a sniper connoisseur, my friend will is way better versed in sniper’s characterization, but even i know this isnt sniper. “thinks if he argues long enough he’ll win”…? “cannot support you in anything”?!!?! “IF YOU’RE HIS FRIEND AND YOU TWO GET INTO A BAD ARGUMENT PREPARE TO NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN” IM GENUINELY AT A LOSS FOR WORDS. I JUST. I DONT..? WHAT DO I EVEN SAY. I DONT K N O W WHAT TO SAY. BUT IF I DID KNOW WHAT TO SAY I’D BE SAYING VERY BAD THINGS.

i dont think scout is misogynistic- i see why people think that but me personally i just think he has no game and people mistake it as violent misogyny for some reason. but. listen we know scout is a dick we do okay but he loves women. why would he cheat on you.? bro he’d be glad u picked him 😭 AND THEN THE PERIOD THING?? he was raised by a SINGLE MOM do you REALLY think shes gonna raise him and let him think that way about a natural body function. im speaking entirely from the single mom experience and the answer is NO!!!! also how is loving your mother a red flag. being the youngest child is also a red flag, i guess. and having issues with his dad. (/s) also, second verse same as the first: IF HES DATING YOU HE THINKS YOU’RE A 10 WHAT IS SO HARD TO FUCKING GET ABOUT THISHXWHBVWBWBXvqvsbs?1?2!2’wndjwke

uhhh soldier wasnt. here for some reason. so nothing to say about him.

anyway leave ur opinions below. i rly dont wanna get into any tumblr drama or internet drama at all bc it scares me dearly and im always self conscious about leaving a bad digital footprint especially over something as petty as tf2 drama but i cannot stand for this slander I CANNOT‼️‼️‼️‼️ sorry if u also think im mischaracterizing anyone here i only put hours of studying into my fav mercs and thats. abt it,, listen im silly okay

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #heavy tf2 #engineer tf2 #scout tf2 #spy tf2 #soldier tf2 #pyro tf2 #demo tf2 #tf2 demoman #ms pauling #sniper tf2 #medic tf2 #guys im going insane #i hate this fucking red flags post im so sorry i had to let it be known #reblog or comment ur opinions ig im also curious

[crabonfire]

Oo can I have a platonic hcs of reader just gossiping with any of the mercs?

oh my god.

Platonic! S/O gossiping with Merc.

characters: all mercs 😱😱😱😱

note: hehehehhehhHYahhahaHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHhhahahhhagagagagHaggaHAGHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhhahahahahahahhahahhHhHahHA A

sorru if some r short! My excuse is cause I'm lazy, or idk what to write for em. (You take a guess for which one is the real one.)

warning: gossip girls tick me off 😡😡😡

♧Scout♧

• It all started one day, Engie was arguing with Heavy about something, and you knew what happened on Engie's side, but you didn't know about Heavy. You asked the other mercs for information but they didn't budge, saying they didn't wanna get involved. But scout approached you, whispering and giggling about what happened, why they argued.

You two really hit it off!

And even after the whole thing went down, you still found yourself gossiping with him after matches about anything interesting you found.

Fortunately for you he did the same!

• Since then on, you guys gossip a lot. Enemy drama, team drama, and sometimes gossip on dumb shit on the newspaper or a celebrity thing.

• "Dude, have you heard about the enemy Pyro? I heard they might be a chick."

"What? Really?"

"Yea, like...I overheard it from one of the janitors."

"Huh. I can see it."

"Really? How? I always thought they were some sorta...weird..alien in a suit."

"Why?"

"...Cause they're frickin' weird and...don't talk."

"That's so rude man, are you saying all aliens are quiet? You don't know them."

"You sayin' you know any?"

"No. But don't say stuff like that. That's so stereotypical."

"FYM STEREOTYPICAL??????"

"IDK DUDE JUST STOP BEING A DICK. The girl thing makes more sense then whatever stupid theory you have."

"Fuck you, I have great theories!"

You scoff, "Me when I lie."

♧Soldier and Demo♧

• if your buddies with Soldier, Demo is gonna be buddy buddy with you.

• Soldier honestly doesn't like to gossip much, but on the rare occasion where he knows something, he's gonna be up at night with you, talking about what he saw and making theories about it.

• Demo likes his cup of gossip now and then, not as big on it as you'd think though, he'd love to know but if it doesn't interest him he won't care.

• Usually Demo and Soldier do their own thing together a bunch, and man have they heard some things.

• They'd both approach you with new gossip, Demo trying not to laugh while Soldier shoves pictures of Scouts naked mother and Spy together in your face, exclaiming that "THEY ARE MAKING LOVE! SCOUT IS NOT A TRUE AMERICAN! HES A FRENCHIE :*("

♧Pyro and Engie♧

• same goes for em, you friends with Pyro your bound to hear shit from Engie.

• It was your first day, you were assigned as a janitor in the base and you were cleaning. Already you would hear all sorts of funny shit that would happen in those walls. Arguing, drama, secrets like how Spy is Scouts dad? Honestly it was a lot to hear in one day but wow.

• You were cleaning the common room, and you didn't notice as you were mopping but somebody had walked in. They were so quiet, you didn't know how with the fact they had a very heavy looking fire retardant suit on. You jumped a bit, laughing to yourself.

"Sorry I didn't see you there."

They replied, but it was muffled by their mask. You blinked, "Oh um, sorry dude I can't really hear you." They continued anyway, muttering muffled "huddas" like you would understand. You didn't.

An awkward silence overcame the room, you decided to break it.

"Hey, you know...I heard while I was cleaning...is it true that there's living...pieces of bread here?"

They nodded, chuckling under the mask remembering the situation about it. You smiled, laughing along. "What? That's crazy. I thought that was a joke. It's my first day and I'm already hearing so much about this place. These walls are NOT thick."

• From that moment, you talked with them in your own way, they'd write their replies on a piece of paper and even tell you some things about the other mercs.

• You two really hit it off, after their matches, if they could find you, they'd slip pieces of paper in your cleaning supplies for you to read on your breaks, and you'd reply by leaving notes under their door.

And as time went on, you had learned to understand them. Now it was much more fun to listen to them actually tell the stories and giggle over gossip.

They LOVE gossiping honestly. Since they are unnoticed usually they can get away with blending in the background to listen to whatever the others talk about.

• Because of your new friendship, Engie respects you for not belittling Pyro, and finds your company to be a nice change to the quiet and sometimes even crude folk he works with.

• "ENGIE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT WE HEARD-"

"MMHUDA MMHU-" [WE SAW-]

"Wait I thought I was gonna tell him?"

"Mmmhuh mmhuh, mmhhf mhuh hhhuhd." [Oh yeah, sorry go on."

"NO NO it's okay you do it."

"Mmhuh mmhuh, mmh-" [Okay okay, so-]

Insert the three of you laughing your asses off shittalking the enemy team for dirt you found of them.

"No way, are you two serious?"

"DEAD SERIOUS ENGIE, We literally saw it happen. Pi has photo evidence."

"Mmhh!" [Yeah!] Pyro pulls out the pictures, having a lot more of them than they should. Engie holds them in his hands, pausing before erupting into howling laughter.

"PFFT- OH MY GOD." He exclaims, slapping his thigh as he laughs uncontrollably.

• Engie doesn't hear much gossip, but if he hears gossip about him from you two he's gonna be grumpy for the rest of the day 😭😭😭 so if you hear anybody talking bad about him do not tell him or else he's gonna look like this

♧Heavy♧

• hates gossiping IM SORRRYYYY

• Will gladly listen to you gossip, but won't say anything, even if he has his own opinions about the situation. Best you'll get out of him is "That's absurd." Or "Haha, that is funny." But he will not say shit on it.

• He likes to listen because it's interesting to him, but he does not like to gossip himself because he finds it rude to gossip. Will not judge you though, you bring him quality stories to laugh and think about. (Plus now he has dirt on those people.)

• BUTTT if you're upset, he'll try to cheer you up by telling you gossip. And the gossip? It's always juicy. Like, "no fucking way" type of juicy. He has so much dirt on the other mercs and so much he knows about them, but he only tells you these things so that you can laugh and smile again. But won't say anything else, just let you theorise.

♧Medic♧

• loves gossiping.

• gossips with Heavy, and his birds.

• sorry idk what to write he's just a silly gossip girl 😋

• though surprisingly, he tends to keep that gossip to himself, and never actually gossips about anything he's unsure of. He thinks it's rude to speak of things that are merely "rumors"

• plus its better if it's proven to be real gossip anyway

• he's an asshole but he has his standards

♧Sniper♧

• Likes his fair share and also knows his fair share of gossip.

• Usually your the one talking, but the reactions you get out of him with the shit you tell him are priceless. Sometimes he laughs so hard he hits the table you two are talking by repeatedly, telling you to "Cut it out" or "No way"

• His gossip is mostly about the team, he doesn't care or know much about the enemy team.

• you two actually got along because of gossip, you two were out on a mission, and to break the boring yet awkward tension, you started to gossip with him, and surprisingly he enjoyed the talk.

• you guys are best friends because of this honestly, like Heavy, he likes to cheer you up by telling you some "hot goss" you cringe a little whenever he says that but he just wants to make you happy again.

• honestly idk how else to make this long, he's gossips, but not an insane amount

♧Spy♧

• never gossip but knows EVERYTHING 😭

• very rarely gossips with anybody, but he simply tells you very...subtle details about a certain thing, leaving you curious and wondering about what it's about / who's involved.

• he only actually gossips with you if it's late at night, everyone is asleep, he's in his smoking room having drunk a couple glasses of wine here and there, and maybe then he'll do it.

But it's a rare occasion.

Still, it's always fun for him to hear your thoughts on it. He simply listens to you, smiling here and there and rolling his eyes at your quips.

• he doesn't really gossip? more like...just...insult the person you two are talking about. he gets a kick out of it, especially when you make such funny jokes about the situation.

• yeah u guys r kinda mean 😭😭😭😭

anyways hope yall enjoyed woo (can you tell engie's text is always the longest in every one of these nevause he's my favourite? Yeah I do it on purpose.)

#tf2 #tf2 x reader #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout #tf2 engineer #tf2 pyro #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 spy #tf2 demoman #tf2 demo #tf2 soldier #sniper tf2 #i almost forgot to write medic into this lmao

[iaminsideyourwalls]

Sorry for the ask so soon after my first one, but really, I would love to hear about any head canons you'd like to share! :O Do you have a favorite merc?

Don’t apologize for asks, I love asks! I even put it in my bio.

You couldn’t ask a parent to pick a favorite child could you??? ;_; (although I do think about sniper every day.) I’ll give you a headcanon for all of them then.

Scout

he retained some French from when he was little. He’s not good at it in general but is a lot better at understanding it than speaking it. He can eavesdrop on Spy but can’t conjugate être. I also like versions of Scout that speak Spanish when people hc his mom as Latina.

Sniper

one of my all time favorite headcanons is Māori Sniper. Also, if you’ve seen this blog you’ll know i believe he’s an autistic king.

Engineer

I know a lot of people tend to portray him as a tender, kind, empathetic guy but I genuinely don’t think he’s ever felt empathy or genuine compassion in his life. Sure he knows how to act sweet and polite and soft and nonthreatening all the time but no matter how long you’ve known him, if you get in his way he’s already designing a new machine in his head to blow you away into the last century.

Demoman

Objectum Demoman is one of my all-time favorites. For real. I will genuinely ship him with eyelander, idgaf.

Soldier

I really love trans soldier headcanons. His transmasc swag is off the charts. It’s hard to come up with hcs for Soldier because he’s so fucking wild you could put him in any situation and it could be true. Lived in a diving bell for two years? Sure. Favorite food is un-husked kernels of wheat? Absolutely. Replaced his dick with his big toe so he could use it to walk? I could go on.

Heavy

during and after he obtained his phd in Russian literature he published a number of fiction books under a pen name. They’re all tasteful romances with subplots of political intrigue. They gained high critical praise and are still moderately popular in bookstores in Russia and some neighboring countries. all the royalties from sales go to his family. He’s also an autistic king.

Pyro

I don’t have many headcanons for pyro because I like keeping the whole mystery. I don’t wonder what’s under the mask or come up with possible names because I think the whole of the character is that mystery. But I will say that as great as unicorns and rainbows and cupcakes are, there’s really nothing Pyro loves more than hanging out with Engie in his workshop and pretending to help.

Medic

as far as my own headcanons, I have a lot. Here’s some. He does not have a driver’s license—he taught himself to drive by stealing a car. He’s insecure about his voice but he talks too much to really care. He’s always wanted a motorcycle. He puts drugs in his morning coffee. He doesn’t like classical music, he listens to the top 40s on the radio and sings along. The peppier the better.

One of my favorite Medic headcanons I ever heard was that he only has medical training as a veterinarian and I think that’s hilarious because it could absolutely be real.

Spy

He’s smart but he’s not as highly educated as he wants people to think. He never went to a university and maybe never even finished school. Just like Scout, he’s so damn good at what he does that he can afford to be more concerned with appearance and showing off than anything else. They’re both committed to making people see what they want them to see and nothing deeper.

[paninicupcakke]

So I main Sniper and I’ve been branching out and playing as classes I wouldn’t normally play like Soldier & Engie. Holy shiiit I have never felt so masc in my life like yes I have dick. Balls even. Medic actually gives me attention tooooo omfg got me kickin’ my feet and giggling 🤭 yesss get behind me sweet cheeks I will protect you with my life.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 soldier #tf2 sniper #tf2 medic #tf2 engineer

[emotionallyhorrifiedbidwell]

Hey! Phew, sorry! Came as fast as I could. I’m Mechanic, by the way! Not sure if you remember me, but I was hired about a year ago? To help with mechanical problems, mostly while Engie’s not available, yeah? Anyways! I gotta ask that you don’t punish @physically-robotic-medic for the whole money thing. It’s really not his fault! An anon just dropped it off, he wasn’t involved at all! Just, take the damages out of my pay. Alright? Heck, I’ll even work overtime! Just… leave him be. Please?

Okay, do you know how much a billion dollars is? Seriously. Even the millions YOU get paid every year isn't enough to cut it.

..Sides. That thing was made by Grey Mann. Grey Mann is a DICK and tried to kill me. Might be biased.

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

i think soldier would cover hiz pussy in honey to attract bears (heavy and maybe engie or medic) (i know this would probably give him an infection but he doesn't know that)

Given that he canonically drinks lead water I don't think a little pussy honey infection is something he can't handle

#if anyone cares To Me medic is a bear but engie isn't. he's just not as bursting at the seams hairy in my head #ask #anon #soldier #heavy #medic #engineer #mick dicks

[blubushie]

Hi, hope you're having a good day, here's one of my aunt's puppies and frog in a bucket

(Sorry for that last ask, I think i was tring to express a sympathy on "dealing with this thing sucks", pretty sure I fucked it completely, learned I shouldn't send asks after midnight, sorry)

OHOHOHOHOHO

And nah it's fine <3 Tbh just didn't know how to respond cuz I'm in the same boat. I was basically deported and don't have Aussie citizenship despite trying for years and living there most my life lmao. I know exactly how it goes and it's a chore. "There's no demand for shooters" suck my dick I am singlehandedly saving our natural ecosystems rn 😭

Slight rant under cut

ETA: Also I've met too many people who genuinely talked about wanting to get Australian citizenship because of TF2. Because they think Australia is just Sniper or something. Or the best country ever while ignoring the climate change/racism/housing crisis/inflation/price gouging/cost of living/inhospitability/natural disasters/etc. Australia isn't in a good state right now, most people are barely able to survive, and our middle class is practically non-existent. But people see Sniper TF2 and go "omg Aussie..." and decide they wanna be Australian for some fucking reason while literally knowing zack about the country OUTSIDE of how it's portrayed in media. Nothing of us or our culture, they think they know some slang terms or some shit and that's enough to be considered Australian. And that gets on my fucking nerves cuz I'm still tryna get citizenship cuz it's literally my home and I grew up there.

People also only do this with Sniper btw. You don't see people going "I'm gonna move to GERMANY!!" cuz of Medic, or Russia for Heavy, or Texas for Engie, or Boston, or France, or anything else. It's literally just Sniper. This fandom is fucken weird fetishy about Australia sometimes and on rougher days I genuinely wanna leave it because of it. Any time someone says they want Australian citizenship my first question is why? What do you think Australia has/can give you that your home country can't? Too many bad experiences. This goes extra double for countries on the same development scale as Australia—America, Russia, the UK, South Africa, cuz then it's obvious that it's usually more about what they think Australia is like (because of what they've seen in media) rather than them trying to seek a better life/better opportunities elsewhere.

Anyway the amount of people coming into my DMs/inbox going "how do get Aussie citizenship/immigrate" is too damn high. My brother in gaming if I knew how then I wouldn't be stuck in America. And when I know they're in the TF2 fandom it basically always leaves a bad taste in my mouth cuz my kangaboo detector goes ding. So most those asks get deleted

Sorry for the ramble. This has been on my head a while though. I've met too many people who fetishise Australia/Aussies cuz of shit they've seen in media. Hits me in that "white people seeing exotic nature of locals" bone. Australia is still a "wild land" in some people's eyes so naturally people (usually white) wanna come here and be weird about it. And it usually leads to exploitation (see: arguing with First Nations to give up land rights to built fucking houses)

Rant over I'm burnt out lol. None of this is directed at you I'm just explaining why I deleted the ask. Didn't know how to respond + my kangaboo detector went off. So I played it safe

#blu whos

[prettyboypistol]

TF2 Mercs x M!Reader || How the Mercs Jerk Off +18

minors dni and get blocked

ambiguous genitals for Pyro

Scout

The stereotypical setup of "makes a night of it" sometimes only to end up frantically fucking his fist 10 minutes later as he gasps out your name breathlessly.

Most of the time though his man is a horny mess. Sneaks off to jack off frequently (like 2/month).

Has jerked off in the showers before but prefers his bedroom to relieve himself.

HUUUGE on fantasies. Always talking to himself and imagining you in various ways. His favorite is imagining you blowing him.

Usually lasts a short amount of time, but can recover extremely quickly.

Pyro

Oh. My. God. This is the HORNIEST mf alive when they're lucid. Yeah, they're a little awkward about how close they get to you, but everyone shrugs it off as them being socially unaware.

You smell so amazing to them, the smell of you looks so pretty to them in their head because of their synesthesia. Has embarrassingly gotten off to the colors and feeling of your voice and smell.

Your voice is a calming purple to them with a gentle rumbling against the bottom of their mind, the sound feels a sort of comfortable chilling ironically.

They refuse to do anything outside of their safe space- hell, considering that nobody even knows if Pyro needs to jerk off-

It HAS to be: right vibes, 3 am, locked door, calming smell candles, windows shut, etc etc

Soldier

Has a love/hate relationship with jerking off, he sees it as manly and masculine to release urges, but also weak to indulge himself in base desires.

A manly man thinking of another manly man like yourself? Well technically that's twice the amount of men. At first he assumed he was jealous of your physique, but then he drempt of you on top of him right about to push your-BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEEEEEP 0600 SOLDIER TIME TO WORK

Awkward boners are his specialty, excusing himself to "go oversee the maggots" when you flex a particularily nice deadlift.

Less private than Pyro but still prefers a more private setting like in the woods, a bathroom stall, or just a spot he deemed far away enough from everyone else.

Most embarrassed about wet dreams where he can actually get off in his dreams, deeming that day "surprise laundry inspection/washing day"

Demo

He's pretty lax about jerking off to be honest, has probably drunkenly teased you about you should be careful about how often you keep your shirt off.

"Ey laddie, careful showin' those pecs around! Cannae imagine you'd like a man eyein' those tits of yours!" Of course it was a joke, you two were close like that. of course he was just teasing you.

Oh god he wanted to fuck your pecs. Unabashedly staring at your chest he imagined how nice his dick would look in-between your pecs, maybe scrunched against a tight wifebeater too oh fuck-

Reletively respectful of everyone's decentcy and only relieves himself either in his room or in the empty showers at 4 in the morning. He's probably only been caught once but never agains after that.

Cums a lot, that's why he prefers the shower wanks to quickly wash away the evidence.

Engie

This man is so fucking ashamed of touching himself to thoughts of you- much like he would be about thinking of anyone. He's got such a huge shame surrounding the whole thing but the evil voice in his head only made him strangely harder.

He imagined you wakling in on him as he whispered out your name and you shaming him as you slide up behind him as your hand wraps around his jerking him off all while telling him just how much of a pervert he is.

This man has the biggest undiscovered humiliation kink god it's so fucking pathetic (i deeply desire him)

Has jerked off in his workshop multiple times with the door deadbolted shut and a drill running to hide what he's doing.

Honestly prefers the feel of vaseline/nonsexy lube on his dick and it's a lot less suspicious to have that around.

Heavy

Doesn't often feel the need due to how high alert he is.

When Heavy is at ease he's more bearlike and chill rather than a hotblooded, horny-brained mess. When he does actually touch himself, he is extremely quiet in his bedroom and quick about the whole ordeal.

Has a nasty "habit" of thinking of you. He assumes it's because you're actually nice to him and he's not been around a woman in god knows how long. You're not womanly-like in the slightest but Heavy likes to think about his hands on your hips as he makes you whine.

Feels a stinging sense of guilt afterwards but generally shrugs the feeling off. It's not really such a bad thing if he keeps it to himself and keeps everything professional, right?

Sniper

I wrote a fic about how I generally feel Sniper jerks it here but I'll rephrase it here as a TLDR

This man is really fucking weird about jerking off to you. He HAS stolen something of yours to smell and fantasize with and if given the chance he WILL steal again.

HUGE scent kink and voyeur/creeping kink kind of like Engie in a way where he wants you to call him out on his bullshit.

Probably the most unprofessional about it. He has fondled himself as he watched you through his scope during battle and he will do it again.

Pretty quick ordeal overall to keep himself sane. He jacks off often and quickly to keep a baseline sense of sanity (pre-nut insanity is a thing and his diagnosis is terminal RIP)

Medic

Honestly I headcanon Medic not feeling a need to masturbate. His lust for you oozes out in his operations in some sort of gorey satisfaction in operations on the team. (think like, the taboo passion of physically rearranging someone's guts gets him off in a weird way.)

This isn't to say he gets sexually aroused by his experiments, it's just that the excitement of the thrills get cross-wired in his brain. When you drop your shirt on the floor to prep for an operation his dick twitches in his pants but that's literally it.

Flirts with you on the operating table <3

The only time he's actually masturbated is for experiements. (One was if he could create life without an egg and the second was to see how much cum could a healthy man extract out of him.)

Spy

This man is so hoity-toity about getting off it's almost a pain to write. It's an actual whole night for him. It starts with a nice bath with oils more expensive than your paycheck, then a professional massage, then a calming cigarette mixed with some top-grade cannabis in either a blunt or in a nice dessert. THEN FINALLY he lays himself down onto his pretty little bed and fucks himself.

And even then Spy has a routine to jerking off to really indulge himself. He starts slow and gentle with teasing touches that go lower and lower until he's strained against the fluffy bathrobe he is cuddled in.

Imagines you riding him a lot, but if he's in the mood to bottom, he slowly fucks himself with a pretty nice vibrator as he imagines you fucking him as your dick brushed against his prostate in the most delicious of ways.

This man is convinced that every other merc assumed that he gets too many bitches to need to masturbate and he fully intends to keep that assumption alive and well.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #fanfiction #tf2 x reader #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #tf2 heavy #tf2 pyro #tf2 sniper #tf2 medic #tf2 spy #sniper x reader #medic x reader #spy x reader #demoman x reader #engineer x reader #heavy x reader #scout x reader #soldier x reader #pyro x reader #tf2 x male reader #tf2 mercs x male reader #tf2 mercs #tf2 smut #prettyboy pistol

[uwuowotf2waslife]

What if Medic taught the team sex ed because he found out that someone has an STI and the mercs later either follow his advice or completely ignore it + Medic educating reader on safe sex on practice

The reason I came up with this is that I'm really stupid so I got thrush. I'm so fucking embarrassed, I'm a grown ass woman but I somehow did my hygiene incorrectly and I'm itchy down there and it burns to pee. I'm making an appointment with a gynecologist as I write this so I should be fine

Love your writing, acceptance of horny and your chill. Best wishes to you and sorry for shitty English

Dw frend your english is ✨✨✨✨

Also get well soon <3 it happens to the best of us

Tw: Sex mention/STD mention

In this case: Spy (fuckboy) got trush and Medic had a mild stroke when finding out only 3/9 Mercs understand the concept of STDs

Medic: lecturer in the conference room used in ED. Has a small presentation of whats STIs are and how to avoid them.

“Zo az you zhee, thiz are the common STDs you may encounter during ehm…”

“During third base!” Pips Scout.

Visible confusion by all non english speaking members except Spy

“The boy means sex… speak like an adult sout.” Half muffled by a ciggarete.

“Doubt you can get a hard on, frenchman, just 10 secs ago sawbone said you loose your errectIon once you hit 60” scout goes for a low blow

“Your mother never complains, does she.” Spy snakes back for a lower blow.

“SAY IT AGAIN FUCKFACE AND YOULL HAVE A MUFFCABBAGE FOR A HEAD” scout tries to grab his pistol, forgets that he had to surrender it at the lockers for safety.

“SHUT UP BABYMEN! DOCTOR SAYS ITS IMPORTANT “ a russian roar cuts them both raw and leaves them hanging.

A shill sound cuts them all, now Medic using Archimedes claws to get them all to pay attention

“Danke mein Freund “. “Now I know thiz will be embarrassing but you are all very welcome to use the jar in the medbay, well you wish to… touczh third base” A true genious never lets new opportunities for a learning moment to fall.

“So the condom jar?” “Didnt yall ever used that till Spy got Thursh??!” Scout looks dumbfounded

“You dont really use protection when ya are a gentleman, mongrel!” Sniper visibly annoyed and flustered because in his non medical experience a quickie in a van isnt really prime time for proper sex ed usage.

“Snipes Sheep dont count!” Scout goes for the low hanging fruit.

Sniper roses up and looks anywhere for a weapon but decides his chair is prime

Untill he is stopped by heavy and is basically hogtied by a even taller and burlier man

“Next will be in Locker” simple threat but working.

“Dankeshone Fruende… but yes I expect you all to use them. We cant have a czeafire because you all have different sztrains of StDS reaking havoc.”…

“ Never seen you using one tho Sawbones” Again scout being a dumbass.

Soldier now fed up , stands up and salutes

“MEDIC AS AN AMERICAN I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT IN MY AMERICAN EDUCATION WHAT SEXUALY TRANSIMETED DISEASES ARE, BUT THIS HERE BASTARDS HAVE MADE THIS LESSON UNACCEPTABLE. PERMISSION TO STRANGLE SCOUT?”

“NO TALK BABYMAN!”

“What if ye just want yer dick sucked by a bird? Do ye also need a condom?” Demo awoken has to ask the most revelant question in the last hour and a half.

“YOU DO VAT TO BIRDS?” Medic officially snapped.

“Ya know, chicks” scout yells amidst being stangled

“Vat?”

“HE MEANS WOMEN YOU IDIOT” hogtied sniper yells

“JA YOU DUMBKOFF!”

Earie silence from Medic finnaly snapping.

“Do we also have to use it with dudes? Like is it any different?”scout is about to pass out.

Medic defeated

Spy horrified his son is bi ( boomer fainting)

“I mean same same but different so prolly yeah” answers him an amused Engie.

“Mhmmm mmh” Pyro says and leaves the building.

True mercenary chaos ensues with Spy accusing Scout from hiding shit from him while all the others have fights about who did what and why they didnt use a wrapper.

Case in point

They are all idiots.

#tf2 heavy #tf2 fandom #tf2 imagines #tf2 headcanons #tf2 shiposting #tw sex mention #tw std

[jermer10]

hey! :3 could you write some sniper x reader. maybe angst??? thanks <33333

TF2 sniper angst </3

suggestive, gn reader | thank you sm for the ask anon!! <33333

drabbles under the cut :P

"Hey...how ya' been?" Scout awkwardly smiled at you, giving a chaste pat on your shoulder. You, truthfully, had been a mess - hair gone unbrushed, eating little to nothing, eyes red with recent tears. "I've been better." You feigned a smile, it seemed to appease the young man. "Yeah, alright, just take it easy, yeah?" He grinned, smacking your back lightly and strolling off. You were so pathetic. Three weeks ago Sniper had broken up with you after a 3 year relationship, no rhyme, no reason. It had obviously destroyed you, but living in the desert with nine emotionally repressed men gave you no space to work through it. Now, you had them one by one ask you throughout the day if you were alright, Soldier being the harshest, "WISE UP MAGGOT, WE'RE IN THE WAR ON AMERICA!" Engie being the most accommodating, soothingly rubbing your back whilst you cried your eyes out. Everyone else being awkward, but trying to help in their own ways. No sign of Sniper for a week or so, he wouldn't leave the van, wouldn't show up to grab dinner with the rest of the team, wouldn't go for after work drinks. But the battlefield? That was a different ballgame entirely. He was racking up the most kills each match, hiding in places no one could see him, no deaths, elusive, as always. That was the worst part. It seemed like the breakup hadn't affected him at all, he had always been a recluse, and now he was a better mercenary because of it. You could only feel hopeless, accumulating the least kills, dying so often you weren't even bothered to go back into the match at some point, walking off to a quiet part of the map, places where the slaughter had already passed. You sat, legs hanging over the side of one of the many wooden platforms incautiously placed next to steep drops and cliff ends. "I'm so stupid, so fucking stupid." You choked out ugly sobs, the tears burning holes in your cheeks. You had done everything for that man, you cooked for him, cleaned his van, sucked his dick, repaired his weapons, fuck, you had your whole future planned out with him after this god forsaken war was over. Things you didn't have to do. Things you wanted to do. You had tried so hard for him, accommodated him when others wouldn't have even given him a glance. Sniper had thrown it all away, he had thrown you away. You were on a battlefield, no time to grieve the loss of what you thought would be forever, no time to reconcile because he was too gutless to face you after breaking your heart. And what did you have to show for it? Your beat up face from rubbing your eyes so hard they bruised? The not so quiet sobs your roommates could hear from across the halls? You really were stupid. And you had felt worse when you felt a hand grasped shoulder, looking up you see him. "Oh my god, fuck off Mundy." You spat as aggressively as you could muster, though it did admittedly sound more desperate than aggressive. Sniper sat next to you anyway, feet dangling off of the side of the platform. An air of awkwardness hung over him, clearly he had been watching you enough to have slipped away from the fight to talk to you. "I- I'm sorry, y/n," He begun. You glanced at the man from your peripheral vision, he looked off into the distance, seemingly trying to come up with the words to say. His hands absentmindedly fidgeted with his gloves, prodding at the material and shifting himself uncomfortably. The urge to hold him overwhelmed you. The countless times you had comforted him as he suffered from some sort of anxiety attack or depressive episode, the motions were almost routine. "Ya know how I get, I overthink it. Most of the time I don't even think- I'm just- scared." His voice cracked on the last word. He was rambling, you cautiously placed your hand in his own, rubbing your thumb on the back of his. He nervously stared at your hand, and then at you. "Mundy, you really hurt me. You gave me no explanation, you ignore the team and I for weeks, and now you sit here telling me that you’re the one who’s scared? I’m scared too! I’m fucking terrified!”

You begun to cry, “I still thought that we would do this together, both of us, scared as shit and alone, but together.” You stopped yourself from saying anything more, you would have just started blabbering incoherently. Sniper grimaced, wiping away at his eyes from under his sunnies. “I know. I’m so sorry.” He sobbed himself. You looked at him, tears still rushing your face, lips trembling, hair messy, blood splatters from the previous match tracing your otherwise perfect skin.

Sniper saw every inch of you, raw. “I am so fuckin’ stupid.” He breathed out between sobs and huffs, his body language begging you for some comfort. You obliged, leaning in to hug him. He swooped you up in his grasp, breathing in your scent, grabbing in a handful of your hair, drenching your shoulder with his own mess of tears. “Where do you even go from here?” You asked yourself out loud. Sniper answered by peppering your skin with kisses, sniffling between each kiss. “Oh…” You trailed off, heart swelling with sadness, love, and a new nervous hopefulness, maybe you would be alright.

#tf2 #ask #team fortress 2 #tf2 fanfiction #tf2 imagines #tf2 sniper #tf2 x reader #tf2 x you #tf2 sniper x reader #sniper x reader #angst with a happy ending #light angst #jermer10

[rat-that-writes]

Take What You Want pt. 2 | Engineer Mark x Reader

a/n: this took a while oops

part one

word count: 3001 | taglist: @softladyhours @chaos-carnation

tw: gn reader, smut, soft dom engie, sub reader, biting, light choking, oral (reader receiving), no condom, mark cums in reader, orgasm control

“Then don’t hold back. Take what you want, please.”

You didn’t fully know what he wanted, but you had a pretty good idea of it by the way grinned down at you. His hand let go of your wrists to carefully encircle your throat, not squeezing; just a light pressure. It was enough to make you moan hungrily and beg him for more.

Mark wasn’t a sadist by any means, but he loved to make you feel good. And if that included inflicting a little pain on you, he was not going to be one to deny you that. Of course, he would never go too far. He liked you too much to really, really hurt you, even if you wanted it. Oh, and you were his employer and all that. Probably shouldn’t mortally wound your boss during sex.

With one hand kept around your throat, his other flew down to your underwear. His fingers fumbled with the waistband, his eyes meeting yours as a silent question. Nodding your head as best you could, you let out a breathy moan as he gave your neck a firm squeeze.

Mark wasted no time getting yours pants off, already far too worked up from your earlier constant teasing and what had transpired afterwards. His long fingers ghosted over your inner thighs, feeling the softness as his hand slowly travelled over your skin. Suddenly, he sat up again, only to lean over you and pull your tank top over your head. Once that was thrown to the floor, he looked over you, eyes wide and hungry.

His breathing was heavy, eyes raking over your form as if he was reading a book written on your skin. A twinge of insecurity fell over you, making you turn your head to the side and cover your torso with your arms in a futile attempt to hide yourself. He looked at your face again, brows furrowed in concern.

“The fact that you could ever think you’re not the most fucking gorgeous person on this ship, in this galaxy, is insane,” he breathed out, voice seemingly strained just by the sight of you.

You rolled your eyes playfully, the heat across your face deepening. He smiled at you, hands flying down to hold your waist firmly as his mouth crashed down on yours. Hands free from his clutches, you brought them to his face to feel that adorable scruffy beard of his. He knew you loved his facial hair, and he went crazy every time he felt your fingers brushing against his beard. Both of you loved it.

The sudden realisation that Mark still had his underwear on made you whine into his mouth and him lift his head from yours. Your hands flew down to his waist, slowly inching towards his waistband. Fingers dipping between his skin and the soft material of his boxers, you wrapped them around his dick. A shuddering groan came from him as you swiped your thumb over the head, spreading his precum over his length. He bucked into your hand, but grabbed your arm.

“Let me take care of you first, please?”

You felt your face heating up again at the statement. His soft smile and gentle, questioning eyes made your stomach erupt with butterflies and your heart sing. God, how could this man be giving you butterflies even while he had you under him?

“You do so much for all of us, Y/N, just let me make you feel good.”

All you could manage was a soft moan and a nod as he pressed kisses down your throat, all over your chest and stomach. As he travelled lower and lower down your body, you looked down to see those deep brown puppy-dog eyes you loved so much. He could hold so much emotion in those eyes, so much intensity that you sometimes found it hard to look at them for too long.

He groaned when he reached your thighs, his fingers tightly gripping your hips as he pressed chaste kisses over your skin. His teeth bit into you gently, coaxing a soft gasp from your throat. His warm tongue soothed the mark just before another he bit your thigh again, and again, between soft kisses and heavy breaths.

Getting restless, you brought a hand down to softly grip his dark locks, making him look up at you again. You tugged lightly on his hair, making him groan deeply before he snaked his arms around your thighs and squeezed them, his large hands warm on your soft skin. Pushing your legs open, he let his tongue trace over you slowly, tearing a whine from your throat. He looked at you, eyes focused on your expression as he continued to move his tongue up and down your sex, his breathy groans only adding to your building pleasure.

His grip on your thighs tightened momentarily every time you let out a noise, his eyes closing in contentment as he picked up his pace and pushed himself closer to you. The pressure inside of you was building up, your legs beginning to tense with every stroke of his tongue. Mark was very aware of every movement you made, his eyes intensely focused on your face when they were open. But, he was getting lost in your pleasure, his eyes closing with yours as he licked and sucked at you faster and faster.

Everything he did to you felt like heaven, even the slight scratch of his beard against your thighs only added to your pleasure. Every moan and whimper you made only made him more determined to make you cum, his brows furrowing as he focused on what made you buck your hips and whine out his name.

At some point; you don’t remember when, he does something with his tongue that makes your breath escape from your lungs and your body shiver, almost violently. Mark definitely notices, and repeats his actions, pleased with the results he’s given when you pull on his hair harder and gasp as if he’s the only being capable of bringing you the oxygen you need.

“Mark, f-fuck, I’m gonna cum,” you whined, his resounding groan making you shudder. Your whole body felt like it was on fire, and Mark was the fuel you so desperately wanted to douse yourself in.

Luckily for you, he somehow increased his efforts even more. You were tantalisingly close, your thoughts replaced with nothing but the thought of the man between your thighs as you moaned his name like a mantra. His grip on your thighs tightened again, and the groan he let out as he moved his tongue so deliciously against you sent you over the edge.

His grip on you loosened slightly, and his tongue slowed down so as to not overstimulate you too much. He stared up at you as you gasped and shook, slowly drinking in the sight of you as if he would never get to see it again. Hands moving to your waist, he stroked his thumbs against your skin in an attempt to ground you.

Evidently, Mark was getting impatient, his hips grinding and bucking against the couch cushions slowly in time with his tongue rubbing against your sex as you came down from your high. Tugging on his hair, you made him stop his ministrations and look up at you, his soft lips and beard glistening with his spit and your excitement. The sight made you shiver with delight.

He seemed to know what you wanted, though, as he stood up to take off his boxers and wipe his chin with a tissue, grinning at you. You smiled back at him, face heating up just slightly. Your eyes were focused on his hands slowly pushing the soft material of his underwear down his legs, but soon your gaze was redirected to his cock as it sprang free from its confinement. He looked a lot bigger than what you had felt earlier.

His grin only widened when he saw where your eyes were lingering, a slight blush dusting across his cheeks when your eyes met. You smiled bashfully and turned your head to the side, facing away from him. You still kept your head turned as you felt the cushions dip underneath his weight, and paused when he saw the slightly nervous look on your face.

“Are you still okay with this? We can just cuddle if you want to, no pressure,” he spoke, softly and so gentle he was almost whispering.

“No, I really want this; you… You’re just making me blush,” you replied, voice growing more bashful towards the end. That made him smirk.

“In that case…”

His voice trailed off as he lowered his body gently against yours, the warm contact making both of you moan quietly. His dick was pressed up against your stomach, the size of it making your eyes widen as you felt him twitch against your skin.

His head ducked down to meet your lips in a deep kiss, his mouth trailing kisses along your jawline, down your throat, and back up again. You whined and pawed at his shoulders, desperate for more. But he didn’t let up, only continuing to kiss your skin and add his hands into the mix as he brought them up to squeeze at your waist, and trail up your torso.

You were thankful he wasn’t one for just sticking his dick in you and making no efforts towards your pleasure, but you were getting impatient. You could feel the throb of his cock against you while he pressed light kisses to your skin. Maybe it was time to kick this up a notch.

Snaking a hand down his torso, you felt his soft skin ripple beneath your fingers as his muscles tensed at the contact. Slowly, you traced his v-lines, a shudder and a moan coming from him as you did so. His kisses turned from light pecks to bites, trying to silence himself as you touched him so tenderly. This was definitely a sweet spot for him, and you made note of it for future use.

He was so distracted by your movements that he didn’t notice when your other hand moved from tugging on his hair to smoothing down his body and around his cock. The responding gasp made you giggle as his hips bucked involuntarily. He was moaning into your neck now, his teeth grazing your skin as you lightly squeezed his dick.

Eventually, his patience seemed to have worn out, as he leaned over to reach into the cabinet next to you for a small bottle of lube. You internally questioned why someone would leave that there, but you weren’t complaining in the slightest as he squeezed some onto his fingers and spread some over your hole, and the rest on his dick. He looked down at you, a silent question hanging in the air.

“Mark, just fuck me already,” you whined, making him chuckle lightly as he leaned down and pressed his chest against yours. His lips met your neck as he slowly pushed into you, groaning into your skin as you squeaked at the feeling. You were right, he was definitely big. The stretch made your eyes water just slightly, but the care he was taking with you made any discomfort soon wash away and turn into burning pleasure as his hips met yours.

He let out a deep groan, one that you could feel as it reverberated in his chest. You could tell he was trying so hard to stay still and not buck his hips against you, the strain in his voice clear as he let out expletives against your skin. You felt so full, so surrounded by him that it felt like the only thing that existed in the moment was you and him.

You brought your legs up to hook around Mark’s waist, and he bit into your shoulder and groaned at the feeling. One of your hands clutched at his hair, the other on his bicep as you pressed kisses along his throat.

“Mark,” you whispered, a slight whining tone to your voice making him smile.

“Tell me what you want me to do to you.”

Oh, he was going to make you beg for it. Bastard. His smile was far too smug for your liking, so you decided you would get rid of it. Tightening your legs around him, you shifted your hips so he was even deeper inside of you. The smile dropped from his face immediately as he shuddered and loudly groaned, his hips bucking into you involuntarily.

His growl in your ear surprised you, this being the first time you'd ever heard him make that sort of sound, and God did you like it. You liked it so much, in fact, that you repeated your motions just to hear it again. And he repeated his own, even deeper and closer to your ear. Clearly, he had lost some of his patience again, as he grabbed your arms and shoved them up above your head. It was such a demanding gesture, coming from your gentle head engineer. The contrast of his rough movements and soft eyes made you weak, and you stared up at him, bound and pinned to the cushions by his body.

“You didn’t answer my question, baby,” he whispered. Your pleading eyes unfortunately were not convincing enough for him to let you off the hook.

“Fuck me, Mark, please.”

A pause.

“Say it again.”

All you could manage was a quiet whimper.

“Come on, Captain,” he smirked. “I know you can do better than that.”

His prideful smirk and expectant gaze only made your face grow warmer as you felt his fingers rub at your wrists in quiet encouragement. Although, apparently you had taken too long to speak as Mark decided a sharp thrust of his hips would be sufficient motivation. You let out a surprised yelp at the motion, and finally spoke.

“God, fuck me, pleasepleaseplease,”

“Not God, sweetheart, but pretty close,” he taunted you, and immediately set a steady, punishing rhythm. The sounds you two made would most definitely be heard by the crew if it weren’t for the fact that they were asleep in their cryopods, ignorant to the unprofessional activities taking place between the two of you.

Your legs locked around his waist, shaking with pleasure as he railed you hard and fast. His hands tightened their grip on your own as you pleaded to touch him. A heavy moan came from the man before he removed your wrists from his clutches and wrapped his arms around you and kissed at your neck. The sounds you made only fueled his desires and encouraged his hips to slam into yours.

Already, you felt the knot in your core threaten to untangle. The way his hips rut against yours, the desperate noises he moaned into your skin took you closer and closer to the edge. You tugged on his hair and managed to whimper out a “close,” into his ear. Though, his reaction was not one you were anticipating or necessarily wanting.

He slowed his thrusts and kisses, but still keeping them just as deep and hard. An almost painful-sounding whine came from your throat as he smirked into your skin, shuddering with pleasure as he pushed deep inside you and felt you squeeze around him.

“You feel so fucking good, baby, need it to last longer,” he breathed, voice strained and desperate. You whined as he used you, so close to the edge yet just not enough to push you over the edge. It was so tantalisingly close, if only he would speed up again and let you cum.

“Mark, please- I need it so bad, please, please-!” you whined, breathless and desperate.

He lifted his head up to look at you, still keeping up his slow but deep pace.

“Do you want me to cum in you, Captain?”

You can only manage to nod frantically at the thought, too caught up in the pleasure he’s giving you to speak. Smirking devilishly at you, his thrusts speed up again and you almost combust right then and there. Your legs shook violently and he pushed into you, tearing squeaks and whimpers from your throat without mercy.

You never knew he could be so unforgiving.

And you liked it.

Easily, the heat in your core ignited and spread throughout your body, making you arch into Mark and squeeze around him as his hips stuttered and he groaned loudly into the skin of your neck. The pleasure didn’t stop, though, as he continued to fuck you through it. His thrusts were determined, his hold on you intense but pleasurable.

You felt teeth bite into your shoulder and you heard Mark groan helplessly, his eyes squeezing shut as he buried himself into you as deep as possible and let his cum spill inside you, filling you up as much as his body would let him. You were still twitching around him, much to his amusement.

Catching your breath, you reached a hand into his messy hair and brought his face down to yours, kissing him with passion. Eagerly, Mark returned the kiss and deepened it as his own hands came up to cradle your cheeks. Lifting his head from yours, he rested his face in the crook of your neck and sighed into your skin.

“We should clean up,” he mumbled.

“M’ tired.”

Suddenly, Mark got up. The sudden loss of him inside you made you whine quietly and he kissed your cheek to soothe you.

“I’ll run us a bath, ok? You just try not to fall asleep,” he whispered and made his way to the bathroom. You watched him, admiring the way his muscles looked in the low light surrounding him. God, you were lucky he ended up being your head engineer.

Now, to brainstorm excuses as to why you’ll be walking funny the next morning. Hopefully the crew won’t say too much about it.

#engineer mark x reader #engineer mark/reader #engineer mark x captain #engineer mark/captain #markiplier egos x reader #markiplier egos/reader