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#and don’t think I didn’t see you pouring beer into your to go cup earlier
reels-and-wheels · 1 year
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Fine Line, pt 1
part of the Look Away universe
previous chapter ← Fine Line, pt 1 → next chapter || masterlist
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Pairing: married!sugar daddy!Jake x AFAB!reader (no use of Y/N)
Summary: you end up, quite unexpectedly, in Jake's arms after a particularly difficult day.
Special thanks to @formationlaps for being my trusty editor, I love ya; and @blue-aconite for going through this and making sure it didn't suck as much as I thought it did.
Warnings: Amy's being a little bitch again, implied infidelity. I personally do not condone any sort of cheating, so if this is not your cup of tea, please skip this fic/series. Let's normalize not engaging with content that makes us uncomfortable.
Word count: 2.3K
and everyday I am learning about you
the things that no one else sees
and the end comes too soon
like dreaming of angels
and leaving without them
(the xx)
Just one more hour, one more hour, you think, as you set another tray on the bar top and slam the order ticket on it. 
“Are you sure I can’t help? I guess I could manage pouring draft beer”, Jake says, perched at his usual corner of the bar.
“Trust me, the last thing I need right now is people complaining about their foam not being precisely one inch deep.”
“There’s a joke in there but I’m not going to make it, just so you know.”
“Appreciate it”, you respond, with a half-hearted laugh that somehow fails to convey the depth of your misery. 
You are operating on very little sleep. A couple of days ago, you found out that there were no more available sections for a class you needed this semester, and you were waitlisted. Meaning, you had spent the past 48 hours obsessing over the fact that you may not be able to graduate this semester after all. You are so close. After having to quit college a few years ago for financial reasons, you swore this time you’d see it through the end. Now it may not happen because of one stupid class. 
To make matters worse, Amy was apparently operating on little sleep, too. Or, she just really, really needed to get laid. Either way, she had been spitting out passive-aggressive remarks the entire fucking evening. For the most part, you’d been able to shrug them off, but they were starting to wear you down. 
Your nails are sticky with sugar from making two Lemon Drops, and even one Lemon Drop is one too many. Egg whites everywhere from various Sours. Two girlfriends had asked you for gin and juice and turned around immediately, leaving you to guess which juice and which gin they wanted. The order you just slammed on the tray was for three Strawberry Daiquiris, and you were really hoping to not have to use - and wash - the blender again tonight. 
It would be an understatement to say that you were on edge. 
The moment you set the tray on the bar from your last order, you realized Jake’s glass was empty. He hadn’t asked for another drink, but you’d rather make him 10 Long Island Iced Teas than pour one straight shot for anyone else. 
The daiquiris could wait. 
You turn back to grab the bottle of añejo tequila from the top shelf on the back and you place it on your prep station. Agave syrup, bitters, and an orange peel go into a mixing glass and you muddle them carefully. You want the orange to release its oils, but you don’t want the peel to break. Then some ice, tequila, and you stir for a few seconds so that all ingredients could get properly acquainted and chilled. A large clear ice cube goes into a rocks glass, and you slowly strain the drink over it.
Jake is mesmerized, eyes following your every move. The first time you made his drink earlier, he’d missed it because he didn’t know it was his order that you were working on, but he caught a glimpse of the tequila bottle you put back on the shelf afterwards. Now, when you reached for it again, he knew he had to pay attention. 
“Thanks, darlin’. Now I know how to make it”, he says with a wink as you place the glass in front of him.
“Do you really?”
“No, I don’t”, he says with a chuckle as you reach for the frozen strawberries in the icebox below the station.
“Come on, I need those daiquiris!”, you hear Jesse calling from where he’s standing, next to Jake. Suddenly, the bag of strawberries is yanked from your hands, leaving you dumbfounded.
“I got it”, Amy says. “She’s too busy making drinks for her boyfriend.”
Jake can see it - the way you’re frozen in place, your hands curling into fists, your jaw clenching so hard you may crack a tooth or two, and the shimmer in your eyes as you try so very hard to rein in the tears that are about to fall from your eyes.
“Darlin’”, you hear him say softly through the chatter and clatter. You can’t bring yourself to look at him; not after what Amy said. Instead, you glance at the exit, weighing your options. What’s the worst that could happen if you just left?
Then, he’s touching you. He reaches over the bar top and places his hand on your shoulder, to ground you, to support you, to tell you he’s still here. A few heads turn at his gesture, including Amy’s, but you could care less right now.
“I’m sorry”, you mutter. You realize this is the extent of what you’ll be able to say without breaking down. 
“There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“I need to...”, your voice trails off as you gesture vaguely towards the bar. 
“Wait”, he says, and you stop for a moment before turning back to him with a sigh. You still can’t meet his eyes. “Come here.”
You move closer to him and take a deep breath, your hands gripping the edge of the prep station. Jake glances at his watch. 
“You’re leaving in an hour, right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. I’ll wait for you.”
Finally, you level your gaze with his. You’re clearly broken. He must be using all of his self-control not to go after the maitre’d stand and get Amy fired. With a few choice words, he’s certain he could do it. But Amy isn’t the focus now, you are. 
“Jake”, you sigh. “Look, I appreciate it, I really do. But I’ve been dealing with her for over a year now, I can handle it.”
“I know you can. But you shouldn’t have to.”
He sits back on his stool and takes a sip of his drink, eyes still trained on you, and you can’t deny it - having him there makes you feel safer than you have felt in a long time. You take a deep breath and go find your next order. One more hour.
And what do you know? Time flies when you’re looking forward to something. Amy’s been glaring at you the whole evening, doubtlessly waiting for an opportunity to take another jab at you, but you’re so efficient for the rest of your shift that she never gets the chance. You wash your hands one last time, drying them on your apron as you glance in Jake’s direction. He swirls his drink in the glass and downs what’s left of it as you approach him. 
“I’ll wait for you out back”, he says, placing two hundred dollar bills on the counter before turning to leave. 
I’ll wait for you out back.
His words repeat in your head as you start making your way out, untying your apron. You remember what happened last time - if you close your eyes you can feel the warmth of his body close to yours. But no, you think, as you shake your head. He also left you standing there, so you’re sure nothing is going to happen. 
If that’s the case, why is your heart racing?
You choose to ignore the pounding in your chest as you put on your jacket, sling your backpack over your shoulder, and walk out the back door. 
The silence is deafening in the back alley, now that you’ve left the noise of the busy restaurant. The residual noise of the chatter of patrons and your coworkers shouting orders turns into a steady hum that gets slowly replaced by the sound of your own heartbeat. A dull thud thud thud in your ears that’s making your stomach turn. You run your palms down the front of your pants to dry the sweat off of them. 
You turn around to walk toward the main street. That’s when you see him. (At least, you hope it’s him - if it’s not, then you’re likely about to get mugged, but with the amount of adrenaline that’s surging through your veins, this might end up badly for the other party.)
“Jake”, you tentatively call out. The figure starts moving out of the shadows and walks towards you. You see a trail of smoke, and whatever breath you still have in your lungs is knocked out by the sight of him. He’s in the same clothes that he was wearing inside, so why is your heart racing? It’s just a white button down shirt, dark blue suit jacket and pants. It’s objectively nothing special.
But it’s him. 
Before you know it, you’re sprinting, stopping just short of him, your heart about to burst from your chest. 
“Hey”, he says, before bringing the cigarette to his lips again, taking a pull, eyes narrowing at you. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah”, you reply, still trying to catch your breath. “That was... thank you. I mean, today was just the worst day. The last couple of days have been really shitty with college and whatnot, and Amy can be a lot but, today, my god, she was just on my case for some reason, calling you my boyfriend? I mean, what the fuck was she thinking, that was so uncalled for-”
Jake reaches out, and, for a split second you think he’s going to touch your face. Your breath hitches, your rant interrupted. 
“You’re wearing them”, he says, his fingers running down the drop earrings he gave you. Your cheeks turn beet red and you hope he can’t see it under the dim streetlights. “I’m glad you like them.”
“I do”, you say, feeling your anxiety starting to dissipate like vapor into the cool evening air. It’s  replaced by something else you won’t  - or can’t, maybe - name just yet. 
He flicks the cigarette away, takes a step forward, and wraps one arm around you, bringing you close to him. The hand that was touching your earring travels down your skin, lightly touching your neck, until it settles on your cheek, his thumb caressing you gently. 
“I’m sorry you’ve been having such shitty days lately. Wish I could do something to help.”
His voice rumbles in his chest, right through your ear. You can feel it in your head, and you all but melt into him. 
“You are helping. I mean, a few more tips from you and I might be able to pay off my student loans”, you say, joking. 
Then, there’s a long pause. You swear your breaths become synchronized. You’re happy to just be able to rest for a minute, safe in his strong arms. 
“Forget about all that”, he says, and then pulls you closer, and you hear his heartbeat picking up. “God, I want to make you forget about all of that.”
“Jake...”
There’s a shadow on your face, and the next thing you feel is the soft brush of his beard on your cheeks. 
You could run. All you have to do is tear yourself from him, run, and not look back. 
He’d probably never show up at the restaurant again, but if he does, well… you suppose you could get another job. 
But the thing is, you really need to know what he tastes like. 
“Jake”, you repeat, as if his name is the only word you know. It might as well be. 
Your backpack slides down your arm, falling to the ground. You turn your head slightly. It’s your way of saying that you’ll meet him halfway if he wants to proceed, and his lips ghost over yours. His large hand grasps the back of your neck. Your eyes flutter shut, and when his tongue darts out to sweep over your bottom lip, a shiver buzzes your entire body awake, and you hold on to his shoulders for balance.
Your lips part for him, his soft tongue sliding over yours, the contact tearing a whimper out of you.
“Fuck”, he groans, hot mouth over yours, his body pressing into yours. You stumble, taking one step back, two, three, until you’re sandwiched between him and the cold brick wall behind you, his hand sliding down the sides of your body to grasp firmly at your hips. 
“What are you thinking about?”, he rasps, his lips finding their way down your neck and you tilt your head further, exposing your delicate skin for him to savor. A light graze of his teeth on your pulse point has you keening, your knees dangerously close to buckling.
“Asked you a question, darlin’”, he probes, his voice low and demanding. Your brain has turned into a mess of fireworks popping with every single word and every touch. There is nothing on your mind but his taste on your lips and his smell on your nose and his body on yours, nothing but...
“You.”
It sends him over the edge, and you gasp when he presses his hips against yours, his fingers digging into your skin so harshly you wonder if they’ll leave bruises. 
Not that you would mind. 
He backs away abruptly, a gust of cool air washing over the empty space between you two. Your heart drops to your stomach, a familiar lump forming in your throat, the heat that rises to your cheeks isn’t the fun kind. You hunch over to pick up your backpack and hang your head low. He runs a hand through his hair and exhales. 
“It’s just...”, he starts, closing the distance between the two of you again, but not getting close enough. “It’s going to be hard to stop once we start.”
He may be talking about tonight. He may be talking about the two of you in general. It’s true for both situations. It gives you pause, making you hesitate. You were so sure of this once you walked out of the restaurant not even five minutes ago. 
“You’re right”, you admit, your voice barely above a whisper.
So this is how it ends, you think. 
This is where weeks of pining and misplaced hope come to a crashing halt. 
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sugar daddy Jake crew: @wolfbrideinhiding @theharddeck @rule107 @beepboopyoda @yeehawjake @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @therebeccaw @blckgrl-sunflower @frankcastleonlyfans @sugarcoated-lame @kryptonitejelly
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trashbag-baby666 · 2 years
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It’s Not Living If It’s Not With You-Baberoe
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Babe sat at the table of Bill and Frannies bar. He checked his watch and saw that his date was 10 minutes late. The red head’s leg bounced under the table nervously.
“Is he gonna come?” Frannie walked over to the table.
“I hope,” Babe sighed, “I’m going to be done dating for real if he doesn’t show.”
Babe had nothing but a sad dating life. Everything being a one night stand or getting stood up. Babe hadn’t had a steady relationship since high school and that’s just embarrassing.
“We’ll just tell me if you need anything darling.” Frannie grabbed Babes cup and filled it back up with the sprite he was sipping on. The woman with shoulder length brown hair walked back over to the bar.
Babe pulled out his phone as he was about to give up hope and just accept he got stood up.
“Are you Edward?” He heard a strong voice. Babe looked up and saw the pale man with the dark almost black looking hair spoke to him.
“Oh yeah, you must be Gene?” Babe tried to swallow away his blushing.
“Yep,” Gene smiled and sat down across from him and shook his hand, “Things got a little crazy and my babysitter called in sick. So I had to take the little one.”
In the many texts Gene and Babe had sent over tinder he had found out that Gene had full custody of a child from a previous marriage. Babe never pried at Pandora's box. “It’s okay,” Babe smiled, “Do you want anything to drink or eat? This is my best friend's bar and the stuff here is really good.”
“I’ll just have a beer for now.” Gene smiled.
“Okay I’ll be right back,” Babe got up and walked over to the bar.
“He’s a looker there Babe,” Bill smiled.
“That’s what I was thinking too, can I get a pitcher of beer and a mai tai please.” Babe smirked.
“Yeah, I’ll bring it to ya.” Bill nodded, “Don’t scare this one off Babe.”
“Don’t plan on it,” Babe walked back to the table, “My buddy Bill is gonna bring us the drinks.”
“Okay,” Gene nodded, “How was your day?”
“Well I’ve been here all day, I usually work the bar.” Babe pointed towards it.
“Nice,” Gene nodded.
“How was your day?” Babe asked, crossing his legs under the table nervously.
“It was okay. Céléna didn’t want to go down for a nap earlier but she eventually fell asleep. She’s with my friend’s and their kids right now for the night.” Gene shrugged.
“I got those drinks,” Bill carried it over. He set the Mai Tai in front of Babe and filled Gene’s glass up with beer, “Just holler’ if ya need more.”
“Thank’s Bill,” Babe waved to his friend, “So you said you were from Louisiana. How do you like the Philly weather?”
“Oh it’s a lot different but it’s nice to get the four seasons here.” Gene nodded.
“What brought you up to Philly,” Babe leaned forward in his seat. Gene looked down and clicked his tongue. Gene started bouncing his leg and he tapped the rim of his glass with his finger.
“Uhm. My wife, well now ex wife, died and I just didn’t want to keep living in the house. So the hospital we were working for offered me a promotion to be the head ER surgeon at Roxborough Memorial.” Gene nodded and took a long swig of his beer.
“Shit, Gene I’m really sorry for asking. I’m sorry for your loss…” Babe ran his hands down his face knowing he fucked up big time with this one. He definitely wasn’t going to recover from the embarrassment and he’d never hear the end of it from Bill. He should already pull out his wallet to cover the whole check as Gene probably wanted to leave.
“No, no it’s okay Edward. I swear.” Gene smiled and reached over holding Babe’s hand to comfort him. Gene could see the pain and embarrassment spewing from Babe’s pours.
Babe’s face was about as red as his hair and he chewed on his lip.
“If you wanna go I understand I’ll pay for your drinks.” Babe started to babble on.
“No, Edward, shhh. You’re okay, I'm not mad at you.” Gene was almost laughing at how embarrassed Babe was.
“Are you sure?” Babe looked up at the raven haired man. Gene nodded and squeezed Babe’s hand.
“Yes, now who do I order some fries from?” Gene offered a kind smile to Babe.
“Bill! Get us some fries!” Babe looked over at the bar and waved to Bill.
“Okay!” Bill yelled back and ducked into the kitchen.
“Fuck,” Babe whined as Gene kissed the taller mans neck and nibbled at it. Babe was pressed against the door to Gene’s apartment. Babe recognized this apartment building as a newer installment from the past 10 years. It was in the more wealthier part of Philly.
Gene fumbled his keys and got the door open sending both of them tumbling in.
“I gotta take a leak quickly.” Gene spoke and walked down the hall, “Please take your shoes off I just cleaned the floors!”
Babe kicked off his shoes and started poking around the apartment. There was a box of children's toys tucked under the coffee table in a wicker box. Then Babe started looking at the pictures on the wall.
Most featured a woman with long blonde hair in two braids standing next to Gene and either of them holding who Babe assumed was Céléna.
She looked just like Gene, she had Gene’s blue eyes, his dark black hair, and his smile.
He walked around looking at the other things. On a small table under a shelf he recognized a pagan altar. Similar to the one George had in his living room, George was a little into witchcraft but Gene seemed full out. He had a shelf of crystals, another shelf of books, he had some other things but it was cool.
“My grandmother was the healer of our town. She used her pagan beliefs and healed people with remedies and crystals.” Gene spoke, scaring the shit out of Babe.
“Fuck!” Babe jumped, Gene wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed Babe’s cheek.
“Why don’t we continue back to what we were doing?” Gene whispered into Babe’s ear. Babe nodded and followed Gene to his room.
Babe woke up in Gene’s bed and smiled to himself rolling over and snuggling into Gene’s pillow. Smelling the smell of Gene’s cologne, Babe hoped Gene didn’t get called into work.
Then he smelt the bacon and crawled out of bed, he grabbed a pair of sweats off of Gene’s floor and tugged on the primary colored shirt he was wearing last night.
He wandered out of his room and towards the kitchen.
“Hi!” the small child came running down the hallway. She had an accent that sounded similar to Gene’s with a hint of a french accent.
“Oh uh hello?” Babe was distraught by the sudden appearance of Céléna.
“Sorry this is my daughter Céléna, my friend dropped her off this morning. Céléna, this is my friend Edward. He spent the night last night.” Gene put his hands on her shoulders.
“But he slept in your bed daddy?” Céléna looked up at Gene.
“He’s uh, a really close friend, why don’t you go sit at the table and I’ll make you a plate.” Gene let go of Céléna’s shoulders.
“Okay!” she dashed off to the kitchen.
“I’m sorry about her, she's just really curious and she doesn’t fully understand that Renee’s dead.” Gene sighed looking down.
“Gene it’s okay I’ll go at whatever speed you need to go.” Babe took his hand and rubbed the top of his hand with his thumb.
“Okay,” Gene nodded.
“Okay,” Babe smiled and they shared a quick kiss before Céléna got any more impatient than she already was. Babe could totally do this everyday for the rest of his life.
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or-something-better · 9 months
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November 3, 2022
(Training night to help practice more than 1 line replies)
1. Sam sits at the main table with the Team. Everyone has a drink, and Sam shares how Gabe sent him to the void. As he tells his story the team reacts to each part he shares.
Once he finishes his story, Charlie is in disbelief at first, but it turns to anger. Sam is frustrated that Gabe can’t see the bigger picture. Ruby agrees with him. Each team member lists a specific time Gabe let his power go to his head.
…………………………..
Alex
sit at table drinking coffee Starbucks
Sam
Things in the Bunker had finally begun to settle down again and I was ready for the rest from all the recent upheaval. Now seated at the map table, I look around at the eager faces before me and feel a little uneasy. I can still feel in my heart their love and happiness at having me back with them earlier and I hate to now have to remind them that everything, all of this horrible mess that happened, was really my fault. Taking a deep breath, I sit back in my chair and just decide I have to rip the bandage off. Because of what I did… Gabe tortured and killed me.
Ruby
I watch Sam, unsure of how he will be after...well, everything.
Charlie
choking on my bottled water he WHAT?? He said he was done….
Patience
sitting at the table with the team I'm the main room sipping my hot tea
Bela
sitting with a beer listening to Sam didn't you get enough punishment once already from him? Why again?
Alex
Oh my lord Gabe Cover my mouth
Crowley
Well clearly he's just as much of a hypocrite as 4th l all the people he condemns. I walk over to Sam and Conjure a glass, pouring some of my Craig into it
Alex
What the shit Gabe! Why did the hell Gabe do that
Meg
Listening to Sam, I'm not sure what I should feel
Bela
Can I get some of that? Holding out a glass I mean seriously Sam doesn't it seem like a bunch of overkill?
Meg
I hate him for doing what he did, but I also hate Gabe for doing what he did
Ellen
standing at a chair around the table listening to Sam, anticipation feels high in the room tonight. I almost choke on air at what he just said
Henry
sits there eating my snack not sure how to react.
Patience
listening to Sam concerned that Gabe might not be finished how are you feeling Sam since you've come back
Ruby
Watching everyone's reaction, I gauge what will come next
Sam
Not really sure, to tell you the truth Patience. I think it's just going to take me a little bit of time.
Patience
As you can tell we're all so happy you're back I sip my tea and set the cup back down
Meg
thinking about recent events, my blood starts to boil, and I make a beer appear and start drinking
Ruby
Don't rush it, Sam. It's going to take time for a lot of things to process.
Sam
Their anger and unease was just about what I expected, and even though I DID feel responsible at the core of everything, I also felt a little bit put out with it all too and had the small need to defend myself. I’m not saying what I did was right. I wish that it hadn’t had to happen. But at the time, I truly believed I was doing the right thing to keep everyone one safe… especially all of Gabe’s own family. Feeling the energy to get it all out rising, I sit up straighter and look at each of them directly. Look, Abel came to me with a no-win situation. He wanted power and was ready and can’t help but smile a little excuse the pun, he was ready and able to carry out his plan. Lucifer was the big player behind the scenes.
Charlie
Gabe of all people should know his own brother my mind starting to spin
Alex
Sam I am glad you are here
Bela
Keep everyone safe except a baby? I mean it is kinda beside the point because Charlie's right. Gabe being ALL KNOWING should have known what was going on to begin with right?
Meg
looking at Charlie that's a joke.
Crowley
I turn and pour some for you as well. Did he even listen to this? To your reason or did he just...... torture you for shits and giggles with his head up is own ass? I mean, he seems the type to only care about his own opinions. The exact thing he always judges demons for.
Ellen
But, we all know Gabe. looking at Sam why didn't you come to him and tell him about Abel?
Charlie
Of course not… but he’s smarter than that….
Bela
Why didn't GABE already know? He's quick to remind us of everything else he already knows without being told a thing
Patience
looking at Sam in shock of what he just told use  I understand boy that Lucifer is one we could stand to be rid of eh
Alex
Look over Sam
Meg
looking away, trying to hide my own feelings when it comes to people you love sometimes you do stupid shit...
Henry
Luci is my friend. He took me out and he didn’t do anything bad it was fun. I don’t understand how he is bad trying to stay calm
Charlie
He’s supposed to love us too…
Ellen
Well he too was dealing with a lot. And think about it. Your wife is pregnant with more babies. He's been helping us left and right. When did he really have time to constantly keep lucifer in check? starring you in the eyes would you have known if you were Gabe?
Patience
worried that Henry will get mixed up in one of Lucifer's plans @Henry SPN you so very young though please be careful with him being sure wouldn't want anything to happen to you
Meg
Key words in there. Supposed to.....
Sam
Looking directly back at Ellen, I slap the table with both hands as I jump to my feet. But I thought… I thought that Gabe would at least listen to me about it all, ya know? I begin to pace as my agitation grows. I thought that we had such a long history between us that he’d at least give me that much respect. I mean, he’s made a few mistakes of his own in the past and has to know himself that sometimes the way you see things happening isn’t actually how they turn out to be. Taking that baby was horrible and hard and the right thing to do, it was never in harm’s way. Gabe should have believed that I wouldn’t intentionally hurt any of his family enough to listen to what I had to say. I suddenly stop moving. He didn’t…
Crowley
Pup. Just because people are nice to you, doesn't always mean they're good people. I struggle to figure out how to explain. people are capable of good and bad, and everything is based on choices.  Bad people can still be nice to others.
Alex
Sam what you do in void? How you escape?
Charlie
It’s not the first time his temper has gotten in the way…
Ruby
And he tends to turn a blind eye to his brother
Charlie
He’s my best friend and even I’ve been at the receiving end of a wrathful god
Alex
Gasp jump he also kill all of us too
Patience
Yes he did a few times
Henry
decides to go back to my carrots. They were pretty good boiled. Thinking I’m turning into Sam I shrug and carry on eating
Alex
Oh yeah Nod it was painful
Bela
thinking about everything being said well I mean it's always been said God is a just God. I mean I get being judgmental but he's more kill now and ask questions even later instead of even trying to hear anyone out... I mean .. seems the only "family" he gives a damn about is his wife and children. The rest of us he don't care. He will kill without batting a bloody eye
Ellen
surprised at the outburst, but really I shouldn't be. I know Sam has never done anything that to put this family in danger. I take a moment to compile myself and really think about his words. Feeling the hurt he has about it inside my heart. I put my head down and look back at him your right Sam. We all have had a long history and love each other enough to give the respect of listening to each other.
Meg
Listening to everyone going on about Gabe, drinking my beer
Crowley
He's never truly trusted any of us. I shake my head just because he says we're his family, he'll ditch us as soon as it's convenient. I take a drink before laughing and shaking my head He's more like a demon than a just God. Maybe he really should rule Hell.
Sam
I have to admit that it feels just a little bit better hearing that some of them understand and have similar opinions.
Charlie
pacing the room, my mind racing trying to take in what Sam is telling me  He’s my best friend, but Sam is like my brother… how do you even choose?!?!…the water isn’t cutting it…. heading to the kitchen I grab a beer, and down half of it then head back out to the table
Henry
Dad killed me with cookies. I get that I need to cut back but I wasn’t looking for that answer. Now I don’t like cookies. shoves a carrot in my mouth
Sam
Alex The V-void... I can’t even get the words out without tripping up. I don’t really think I can talk about it yet. Thinking to myself if ever. But I will say this… I’ve spent time in the true Hell. A lot of time. my mouth suddenly goes dry and I have to reach over and take a drink of my beer before I can speak. The Void was worse.
Charlie
I just can’t believe he would do that… we made up, he led me to believe you were safe!!! How am I supposed to put my trust in that?!?! …
Alex
Hold Sam hand it ok Sam if you don’t want talk about I really glad you are here safe
Bobby
We all are.
Sam
Gives Alex's hand a squeeze back
Charlie
kicking a chair I continue to rant It’s an abuse of power! And trust…. I’m hurt… and so angry that he treats us this way… all we’ve ever done is help him…. Even keeping Donna safe every damn time we’ve been attacked because of the babies being born… what a thank you!!!
Ruby
I quietly sit beside Sam, giving him moral support as well as standing ready should he need to leave.
Ellen
watching my family and hearing the opinions and trying to find my own feelings and thoughts I hate what he did to you, I hate the fact that you were even in that position to have to choose to steal ONE OF HIS KIDS!!! feeling my face get hot. Fighting tears back. I take a deep a breath and exhale
Patience
listening to everyone talk he's not going to change though so maybe we just have to me more on our toes and hopefully Sam will be back to his normal self again if that's even possible
Crowley
I pat Sam on the shoulder We've got your back.  We all need to stick together.  We can't rely on some God, we never could.  We're just convenient playthings.
Alex
Right Nod drink
Bela
drink the drink Crowley poured me my mind wandering to the things over noticed just since I've been back with everyone I agree with you... Beginning to think he may be as bad if not worse than Chuck in a sense .. I mean chucks the one who created everything and Gabe's been about as bad as Lucifer about us "useless humans" and how we are needy and can't do anything even though we do work hard to make it and fight the things he could destroy with a snap of fingers but he's so quick to use his powers against us instead of seeing reason or being understanding of the situation.
Henry
Dad killed me with cookies. I get that I need to cut back but I wasn’t looking for that answer. Now I don’t like cookies.  shoves a carrot in my mouth. Then goes to Crowley for cuddles
Sam
I reach over and give Ruby's arm a squeeze, supremely grateful for her support throughout all of this. Gabe isn’t the Big Picture kind of God he tries to portray, nope… it’s all about what the picture looks like for HIM. Knowing that… I shake my head and lean back in my chair with a sigh. Makes me view him and all his power in a whole new light.
Charlie
Right? How many times have we died for him? Literally??
Crowley
I crouch down and scoop up Henry. I couldn't protect you....
Ellen
perking my head up your right too... shaking my head
Patience
patting Alex on the shoulder yes he did sweetie but we're all ok now. I don't think it's going to be as easy for Sam though
Bela
Well I haven't been around long enough to but would have. And even with me.... That book written about what "God" is or who he is claims he's a forgiving God... But he seems awfully vengeful and full of hate towards anyone who doesn't have the type of powers on his level
Alex
And and Gabe use his power and make me shoot myself Took a deep breath I have that dream repeat again and again
Crowley
And if any of us complain about dying, about him killing us.  He'll just remind us that "He knew we'd come back.  It had to be brutal because 'I'm a trickster'.. I could only tell certain people" screw those he claims are his kids like Henry.
Alex
Nod yeah
Meg
thinking back to when he killed us all in the bunker, I whisper what he did to Cass, I don't think I could ever forgive him! a single tear rolling down my cheek, I finish my beer and make another appear
Charlie
He could rid the world of the evil we face, but instead keeps us fighting… we face danger constantly …. He uses our feelings against us but if his are hurt it’s the end of the world
Ellen
hearing Charlie's words resound in my head. Gabe and using our fears against us. I close my eyes and remember seeing my own gun in my face and remembering the sulfur smell
Patience
thinking back to chuck. Isn't that pretty much what chuck did
Bela
Smirks Like father like son! Chuck was the same. And Gabe claims his father was a downright git. That's calling the kettle black a bit isn't it?
Henry
Your still my bestie. starts crying realizing the truth. Starts rethinking why I’m calling god dad in the first place. At least I still have my family
Crowley
I hug Henry tight and take a deep breath. This is just proof that, As far as Gabe is concerned, family does end in blood.
Patience
looking at Sam as I get up to get more tea Sam can I get you a beer or does anyone else want anything
Bela
thinking about the murders in cold blood that he did.. we actually LISTENED and we're forgiving of him killing us when we were told that Death put him up to it because he was going to kill his family! But yet he killed us in violent ways even. Used everyone in my past to kill me even! He hasn't even given me a single chance since I came back!
Patience
as I'm walking towards the kitchen I hear what Bella just said not to mention the giant spiders we were gag
Alex
I can help you pat Stand up
Patience
Sure Alex come on we'll go grab some beers and whatever the rest of the team might want we start walking toward the kitchen
Ellen
Sam, I'm sorry you went through that. I'm sorry you were faced with what you had to choose. All I want is to protect yall. And yes Bela even you. If could protect you all from Gabe I would. If could protect Gabe from himself I would! I stroll to the bathroom to let my tears fall
0 notes
thesoundofmadness · 3 years
Text
my surgery is a month away and I’m already anxious about it
8 notes · View notes
masterofmunson · 3 years
Text
look after you (2)
TFATWS Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader
Summary:  Sam asks you to join him and Bucky on a mission in Madripoor. When you get injured, Bucky feels the need to remind you more than once that he’s supposed to look after you now that Steve’s gone.
Warnings: tfatws spoilers, language, violence, blood, vomiting, explosions, needles, pining galore
Word Count: 4.7k+
Author’s Note: Here she is! I was originally going to post this tomorrow, but to celebrate the season finale of tfatws as well as me getting fully vaccinated, I decided to post it a day earlier! As always, comments, reblogs, and asks are highly encouraged and greatly appreciated. Enjoy and tell me what you think!
You take a day to rest and recoup before diving head first into the mission again. You slept decently and you hadn’t really thought about how exhausted you really were until you went to bed after your heart to heart with Bucky. It was a conversation that the two of you needed to have, and you wished it didn’t have to happen after you had gotten shot. You’re just glad that you’re on the same page now.
Getting out of bed, you’re careful to move around with your shoulder in mind as you wash your face and brush your teeth. You make your way to the kitchen and everyone, including Zemo, sits around the granite countertop.
“Good morning, Y/n. How’s your shoulder?” Zemo asked with a smug smirk and a cup of tea in his hands.
You glare at him and take three long strides to get to him. You slap him across the face and the smack echoes against the walls. “If you touch Bucky and I like you did last night again, I’ll kill you. Understand?” you snapped, spitting at him.
He grins and caresses the side where you hit him, messaging his fingers into the tender and red skin. “Completely.”
You walk away from him to the far side of the counter where Bucky and Sam are just staring at you with wide eyes. They hide their growing smiles behind their coffee mugs. You reach for the coffee pot and Sharon grabs a mug from the cabinet for you. You fill it with coffee and pour some creamer inside.
Bucky leans over your shoulder and mumbles in your ear, “Are you feeling okay?”
You smile softly at him and take a sip of your coffee. You nod slowly and lean against the kitchen counter. You don’t need to exchange words for Bucky to know that you’re doing okay. He knows with the small curve of your mouth.
“What’s the move now that all of Madripoor is trying to kill us? How are we going to find this Nagel guy?” you asked, looking between Sam and Sharon.
Sharon sighs, running a hand through her hair. “You should really steer clear of all of this for your own safety,” she sighed. “Especially you, now that you’re injured,” nodding over to your shoulder.
“We know it’s a risk, but we’re not going to leave until we find Nagel,” Sam interjected.
Sam and Sharon negotiate with each other as you walk towards the window. Now that the sun is up, you can see the entire skyline of High Town. It’s beautiful, all things considered since the entirety of Low Town is trying to kill you.
“You help us out, I’ll get your name cleared. Deal?”
Sharon sighs and shakes Sam’s hand. “I have a showing tonight, I’ll see what I can find. Just lay low and blend in. Stay out of trouble.”
She leaves the kitchen and disappears down the hall. You move back into the kitchen and poke around the pantry to see what kind of breakfast food she had for you to eat. To your own surprise and excitement, you see a box of Cheerios on the top shelf. You grab it and open a number of cabinets and drawers for a bowl and spoon.
“Want some, Buck? Sam?” you asked.
The two men shake their heads and Sam pulls his phone out of his pocket. “I need to make a call, I’ll be right back.”
You hum and grab the milk from the fridge. You sit at the kitchen table away from Zemo. Bucky sits in the empty chair next to you and you playfully shove a hand in his face as he watches you eat.
“Stop brooding, Buck. It’s not a good look for you, gives you wrinkles,” you teased with a grin.
“I think I’m okay with a few wrinkles, honey. I look pretty damn good for a 106 year old, don’t you think?” Bucky teased in return.
You hum with approval and a mouthful of cereal. “Mhmm. You look great, Buck.”
You finish your breakfast and put everything away. Bucky reaches for your arm and squeezes your hand. “Can I look at your shoulder? I want to make sure everything’s okay.”
You nod and Bucky grabs the abandoned first aid kit before following you into the nearest bathroom. You climb on to the bathroom counter and Bucky ruffles through the kit for the right supplies. He gathers more thread, bandages, and anticeptant and places them beside you.
“Do you need me to help you take off your sweatshirt?”
Your laughter fills the bathroom walls and you raise your brows at the ex assassin. A flirtatious smile finds its way onto your face. “Are you asking me for a strip tease, Barnes?”
His face flushes an embarrassing shade of pink and it makes you giggle even more. It makes your heart melt at his awkwardness. He stutters over his words. “N-No! I can step out if you don’t need help. Just let me know when you’re ready.”
He turns to leave and you gently grasp his arm, stopping him from leaving you. Your gentle smile and touch makes him relax. “I’m just giving you a hard time, Buck. You don’t have to leave. You might have to ask me out on a date after this, though. I don’t do this for just anyone.”
He just stares at you with a blank expression.
You laugh again, biting the inside of your cheek. It makes you feel awkward and embarrassed that he didn’t understand your teasing. “I’m joking.”
“Oh.”
You slowly pull your hoodie over your head and wince at the burning sensation. You move your bra strap to the side and Bucky carefully inspects the bandages. Blood seeps through them and he’s careful to pull the soiled bandages off your skin and into the trash. He leans forwards to get a better look at the stitching to make sure they’re still intact.
Bucky takes a clean antibacterial wipe and swipes it around the wound, picking up the dry blood and cleaning the area. You wince at the sudden stinging sensation around the sensitive area of your wound. Bucky apologizes under his breath. It sends a chill down your spine.
His fingers are soft and gentle against your skin. His touch is feather light. He doesn’t want to hurt you. He’s trying his best, all things considered.
He bandages both sides of the wound with incredible care. He’s silent as he works. His eyes are focused and his hands move with incredible ease.
When he’s finished bandaging you up, he presses a gentle kiss to your shoulder and it makes you freeze. Your throat tightens and your heart begins to race. Bucky pulls away and your eyes meet. He scratches at the back of your neck.
“Sorry. I used to do that when my sisters got hurt when they were younger. It made them feel better,” he explained with rosy cheeks. He turns to flee the bathroom and you pull him back again.
“You don’t need to apologize. It’s sweet. Thank you,” you said, fixing your hoodie.
He smiles awkwardly at you before finally leaving the bathroom. You follow behind him and ignore the weird feeling inside your chest.
….
You didn’t know what to expect when you went downstairs to the gallery. When you arrived last night, you didn’t have the time to look at the artwork in the building. You were in too much pain to notice what kind of art Sharon dealt with. What you didn’t expect was the number of people that showed up and how it seemed like a dance club rather than an art gallery.
You’re dressed in a nice pair of black pants and matching blouse. Music thunders in your ears and the bass of the music vibrates through your chest. You push through the crowd to get to the bar. You order three tequila shots and pass two of them to Bucky and Sam. You clink the glasses together before downing the liquor. It burns your throat and sends a shiver down your spine.
You nod along to the music and make your way towards the gallery portion of the building. You walk past a number of Monet paintings, and you’re stunned that Sharon was able to get her hands on such priceless pieces. You’ve never been one to analyze paintings and artwork.
You walk around the entire gallery before returning to the bar. Sam and Bucky scowl as they watch Zemo try and dance to the music. You hide your growing smile behind your beer and reach for Sam’s hand, dragging him to the dance floor. He groans loudly but doesn’t pull away.
“C’mon Grumpy Gills, Sharon said to have fun. You don’t look like you’re having fun,” you noted with a teasing smile and a glint in your eyes as you take a sip of your drink. You move your hips along to the beat of the music and Sam rolls his eyes, taking a drink from his beer.
“Shouldn’t you be asking the same thing to Barnes? Why drag me out here instead of him?” Sam asked over the loud music. He slowly starts to nod his head to the music.
You laughed loudly and grinned at him. “I have to split my time evenly between my two children!” you joked. “I can’t make it look like I have a favorite.”
Sam laughs and shakes his head at you. A growing smirk fills his features and he spins you around on the dance floor. “You’re not fooling anyone, sweetheart, least of all me. The two of you are like two lost puppies when you’re around each other. Put the old man out of his misery and tell him how you feel!”
Embarrassment washes over you and you try to hide your face with your arm. Was it really that obvious that you had feelings for Bucky? God, did Zemo notice too? For your sake and sanity, you hope not, and you know you’re not lucky enough to get away with it. He’s a perceptive asshole. The last thing you need is Zemo of all people to mention your behavior that seems more than friendly to Bucky.
It’s the last thing Bucky needs. He’s still healing and dumping your heart out to him is not a good idea. He’s figuring out how to deal with all his trauma and to adjust to life as a Bucky Barnes he’s proud to be. You don’t need to add to it. It’s not the right time and things are too complicated.
You shake your head. You can’t. You won’t. “It’s complicated, Sam. I can’t just dump it on him. He has too much to deal with and I don’t want to add to it.”
Sam shakes his head at you. You’re not surprised that he disagrees with you. He wants to knock some sense into you, but he won’t push it. “That’s not your decision to make though. You’re taking that choice away from him, and he’s had a lifetime of choices taken away from him.”
You take a step away from Sam at his insinuation. Your brows pinch together and you glare at him. “Stop psychoanalyzing me, Sam. You’re not my therapist.”
He scratches the back of his head and you look away from him. He sighs. “Listen, I just want the two of you to be happy, but I won’t push it. I won’t say anything.”
You scoff at him and roll your eyes at him. This is what you get when you try to make Sam relax and have fun. He can’t just turn it off. You push past him and make a beeline towards the elevator. You had lost interest in the party and just wanted to be left alone. Sam ruined your mood and pissed you off.
When the elevator arrives to the top floor, you raid Sharon’s liquor cabinet and open the door to the balcony. You take a seat on the floor and your legs hang from the railing as you drink in silence. You stare out into the skyline and listen to the sounds of the city mix together. It makes you miss New York City.
Car horns blare in the distance as do the sound of the rap of bullets on the other side of town. The light in the city distorts the night sky and the neon lights mix together in perfect harmony.
You’d never admit it out loud or tell Sam, but you know that he’s right. You should give Bucky the choice, but it was so much easier to just ignore your feelings for Bucky rather than just telling him outright. If you told him and he rejected you, it would make things more complicated than they already were, and it was the last thing you wanted.
You don’t think you could handle losing Bucky, especially after Steve. Just like Bucky thought you were his last connection to Steve, you felt the same way towards him, but you’d never tell him. You don’t want him to live up to Steve’s expectations. It doesn’t matter what Steve thought and he was gone. The two of you just needed to move past it.
The balcony door slides open behind you and you don’t bother turning to see who it is that’s joining you. You know that Bucky was the one behind you. He doesn’t say anything as he sits down next to you. You wordlessly pass the bottle of tequila over to him and he takes a drink without a second thought. He passes it back to you.
“What did Sam say to you?” Bucky asked, staring at your side profile. He runs his metal hand through his hair.  
You busy yourself by taking another swig of tequila. You tear your gaze from the skyline and look over at Bucky. You sigh, shrugging your shoulders at him. “Something I’m not ready to hear,” you answered vaguely. It’s a partial truth and you know that Bucky didn’t expect such a vague answer from you. You don’t want to talk about it, and he respects you enough to not push you to tell him when it’s obviously a sensitive subject for you. You’re not ready. “I guess it’s what I get for trying to get Sam to try and relax and have fun.”
Silence falls between the two of you and you take the time in between to drink. Bucky grabs the bottle from you and sets it beside him. You huff at him and watch him stand up. You look up at him and he holds his hand out for you.
“I’ll have fun with you. Don’t let him ruin the night for you,” he said as he helps you to your feet.
You smile and shake your head at him. You know he’s trying his best and it makes you adore him even more. “There’s no music, Buck.”
He shrugs and pulls you towards him. Your uninjured arm wraps around his neck and his own hands settle on your waist. You let him lead as you sway to the sounds of the city below you. He hums quietly and it sends a shiver down your spine.
“I haven’t danced since 1943,” he hummed matter of factly against the shell of your ear.
“It doesn’t seem like it,” you whispered. “You’re a good dancer.”
He gently twirls you around the balcony and a soft gasp leaves your lips as you cling to him as you’re dipped to the floor. He grins flirtatiously and pulls you back to your feet. For a split second, you see the man he was before the war, the man that Steve spoke so fondly of before he found him in Vienna all those years ago. This is the man that was notorious with the ladies and always took women dancing and stole their hearts. It makes you dizzy just thinking about it.
You hold your breath as his eyes find yours. “It’s all about finding the right partner,” he said, holding you close. “I have one hell of a dance partner, don’t you think, doll?”
Your heart beats erratically against your chest. You feel dizzy and it’s not from the tequila or the dancing. God, does he make you feel weak in the knees. You feel like you can’t breathe with him so close to you. He’s warm and intoxicating and it makes you feel like you’re about to do something stupid.
Your eyes find his cerulean blues and you feel like you’re drowning in him. They’re soft and gentle with a hint of something more hidden behind them. The haunted look in his eyes is gone as he stares at you like you’re the only woman in the world. Is this how women felt back in the 40s when they danced with him?
You stop moving, but you don’t pull apart. You don’t think you have the will power to. You like the way his hands hold your waist and how his touch lingers, making you want more. You’re a puddle in his arms. You only whisper his name as it hangs in the air.
“Yeah, honey?”
He leans forward and rests his forehead against yours. His eyes never leave yours and your fingers grip the back of his black blazer like your life depends on it. His smile is soft and gentle. He doesn’t push or ask questions. He’s the perfect gentleman, but he wants you to make the first move. That much is obvious and you know when to take the hint.
You’re going to do it. You’re going to ask Bucky to kiss you.
He must feel the same, he has to. He wouldn’t say that to just anyone. It makes your heart race at what he’s insinuating. He wants you just as much as you want him. You tug him closer and open your mouth to respond.
You’re immediately cut off and interrupted by a hard knock against the glass door. It makes your heart leap inside your throat and you pull away from Bucky’s arms. Embarrassment washes over you when you realize that it’s Zemo of all people is the one that caught the two of you dancing together on the balcony. He won’t let you live it down now.
He slowly opens the sliding door and looks between the two of you. He smirks and clasps his hands together. “Terribly sorry to interrupt what you’re doing, but Sharon found the doctor. It’s time to go,” he said.
You don’t say anything. You’re too embarrassed and you just wanted Zemo to leave you alone. You don’t have a snarky retort that you’re sure that he’s anticipating. Instead, you nod without uttering a single word and push past him to reenter the building, ignoring the flush you feel.
Zemo and Bucky follow close behind you and the journey to the ground floor is silent as you stand in the elevator. The silence between you and Bucky is suffocating, but you keep your eyes forward and ignore the stares Zemo sent between the two of you.
When the elevator doors open, you race outside and join Sharon and Sam at the front of the building. You ignore the weird look Sam sends you and climb into the front seat without a word as the others trail behind you.
You’re silent the whole way to the docks. You listen to Sharon quietly and keep your gaze out the window. She parks in front of the loading zone and you step out of the car, waiting for Sharon to walk you in the right direction.
Bucky grabs your hand and pulls you behind the rest of the group. It makes your heart race and jump inside your throat. He squeezes it gently.
“You should stay behind. I don’t want you to get hurt again,” Bucky murmured.
Your brows pinch together and you drop his hand. He has another thing coming if he thinks you’re just going to stand around and do nothing. It’s not in your nature. It never has been.
You won’t let whatever’s lingering between the two of you get in the way of doing your job. You don’t care that he wants to keep you safe and look after you. You’ll be fine.
“Is this your way of telling me that I’ll just slow you down?” you snapped, walking past him with a huff, rejoining the group.
Bucky runs after you and shakes his head. “No. You’re injured. I don’t want you to get hurt again. I just want you to be safe.”
“I’ll be fine. Let it go.”
You walk away from him and enter the metal container after Sam. Sharon’s voice echoes through your ear and your hands trail against the back of the container and gently push against it. It opens under the pressure on your hand and you turn your head to look at Sam.
You pull your gun out of its holster and hold it out in front of you. You let Sam lead the way and you follow close behind. You're soft on your feet as you walk further into the building. You can hear music ahead and it grows louder as you walk through the lab and see the back of Dr. Nagel.
Sam pulls the needle of the record player off, stopping the music and the doctor spins on his heels. You aim your gun at him as he looks between the two of you. His eyes widen as he looks behind you. You know that without looking that Bucky stands just behind you like a lingering shadow. You don’t know if he’s doing it to intimidate the doctor or to protect you.
Bucky moves from behind you and stalks over to Nagel. He presses his gun against the doctor’s temple, shooting a warning shot just beside him in an effort to get him to talk. Dread washes over you when you realize that the man standing in front of you is responsible for the serum that Karli and some of her followers had taken and that there were 20 or so of them running around the world causing chaos.
“Is there more serum in this lab?” Bucky asked, pressing the gun further against his temple.
“No,” Nagel answered. “Karli took them all. She wanted me to give the serum to some woman named Donya Madani and I refused.”
You roll your eyes and glance around the lab. Sharon shouts in your ear, telling the four of you that it was time to go now that bounty hunters were here looking to kill you. You look at a number of vials that were a variety of different colors and keep a close eye on Zemo as he wanders around the lab.
You should’ve seen it coming. You should’ve kept a closer eye on Zemo as he walked around when he shot the doctor in the chest, killing him instantly. Sam knocks the gun out of his hand and pins him against the wall. You aim your gun at Zemo’s head when Sam lets him go.
“Give me one good reason not to kill him right now, Sam,” you snapped. “He killed our one and only lead!”
Bucky rests a hand on your shoulder and you brush him off, glaring at him. “We need him, Y/n.”
“The hell we do! He killed our lead!”
“We need to leave, now!” Sharon shouted, running into the lab, completely ignoring the dead doctor on the floor.
Suddenly, you’re flown from your feet as the lab bursts into flames. Your body slams against the container and it knocks the wind out of you. Your shoulder burns with pain and there’s ringing in your ears. Pain erupts against your spine and you’re in a daze. You can barely breathe. You groan and gasp loudly. You roll on your side and can barely pull yourself up. You can’t see straight and you feel like you’re about to puke.
The sounds of Bucky and Sam yelling your name feels so far away. You can barely make out Bucky’s blurry figure above you as he hauls you to your feet. You sway on your feet and Bucky’s hands grasp at your face, gently shaking you out of your daze.
You stumble out of the container and the sound of bullets fill your ears. You still can’t see straight and can barely hear Sam and Bucky yell at one another over the bullets and ringing in your ears. You duck under some shrapnel and squeeze your eyes shut.
Bucky drags you from the shrapnel you’re hiding under and you run down a number of corridors until you hide into an empty container. Your breathing is short and shallow and your head spins. Bucky holds your face in his hands and you see his mouth move, but you can’t hear anything he’s saying to you.
You pull your body away from his and stumble to the back of the shipping container. You keel over and everything you’ve eaten and drank over the last day and a half leaves your system. Your body burns with pain and you drag yourself back towards Sam and Bucky.
You stumble into Sam’s chest and he holds you up by the waist. He helps you out of the container as Zemo approaches in a sleek convertible. You blink rapidly to focus your gaze and weakly attempt to step away from the car and out of Sam’s hold.
“No. I’m not spending another second with Zemo,” you said.
“We need him,” Bucky attempted to reason with you.
You glare at him and Sam wordlessly climbs into the back with you beside him. You’re silent the whole way to the plane as you try and gain your bearings again. You know without looking that the stitches in your shoulder were torn open due to the explosion. You feel the blood soak through your shirt as the pain slowly increases.
Sam helps you up the steps to the plane and guides you to the back of the aircraft. You sit down and Bucky hurries over to your side with a first aid kit in his hands. You huff childishly and attempt to push him away.
“I’m pissed at you,” you stated matter of factly under your breath. You look out the window to keep from looking at him.
“I know,” Bucky replied, gently tearing your shirt from your body, leaving you in just your bra as he moves to inspect your wound.
Sam hands you a bottle of water and you drink it slowly. “I’m pissed at you, too.”
Sam laughs, nodding at you. “I know.”
“I should be relaxing in the mountains of Montana, but noooo, you insisted that you needed my help. Here I am with a bullet wound because you assholes can’t do anything without me. I expect full compensation when this shit is over.”
Bucky and Sam both laugh quietly at you. Bucky’s fingers are soft and nimble as he cleans the area around your wound. Sam leaves the two of you alone and sits at the front of the plane to keep an eye on Zemo.
You wince as the needle pierces your skin. Bucky apologizes under his breath as he stitches your wound closed again. You watch him carefully as he fixes you up. His eyes are razor focused and his brows are pinched together as he takes care of you.
“We really need to stop ending up like this,” you hummed teasingly at him. “You’ve seen me in just a bra far too much in the last couple of days and I haven’t even seen you without a shirt.”
Bucky grunts in response. “Maybe if you stopped hurting yourself, I wouldn’t have to see you without a shirt on,” he said. “Someone has to look after you and take care of you. You and I both know you much rather it be me instead of Bird Brain.”  
You laugh softly and grin at him. “Hmm…. maybe you’re right.”
“Of course I am, honey.”
You shove him gently and the smile he gives you makes your heart stop. You shake your head and bite the inside of your cheek. He leans back on his thighs and reaches for your abandoned duffle bag and carefully zips it open. He grabs a clean shirt from your bag and helps you into it.
You thank him quietly and he presses a gentle kiss to the crown of your head. You lean into his touch and he takes the seat beside you.
You fall asleep to the feeling of Bucky’s hand in yours, his fingers brushing against the back of your palm.
342 notes · View notes
hookingminor · 3 years
Note
26 & 35 w josty from the list 1 fluff prompt
35. “Kiss me better.”
already got 26 w another request :(
one / three
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You ended up joining Tyson in Denver in early August.
He left for his summer training camps or whatever in Toronto about a week after your poolside conversation, and you were surprised to wake up one morning to a text from him only a few days after he touched down in Toronto. He said if you were still interested, he’d be back in Denver after mid-July and that you were always welcome to visit.
After a couple weeks of sporadic texting, mostly Tyson sending you articles on things you needed to see in Denver before you’d even made up your mind, you worked out a time to visit.
Tyson picked you up from the airport, all smiles and sunglasses as he basked in the Denver sunshine. He engulfed you in a friendly hug before taking your bags and throwing it into his back seat.
You expected Tyson to go about the week doing his own thing. You knew he had a strict training regimen and probably had other friends to hang out with, and you didn’t think he’d actually want to do things with you. He had offered his spare bedroom to you and you thought that would be the end of it, but you were sorely mistaken.
The first morning after you woke up in his guest bed, Tyson was waiting for you in his kitchen with a fresh pot of coffee brewing and his best hiking clothes on.
“I thought we could hit up Pike’s Peak today,” he suggested as you poured yourself a cup.
“Oh, you’re coming with me?” You asked, and the smile on Tyson’s face fell.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” you backtracked hastily. “I just don’t want to get in the way of your schedule. I’m perfectly capable of getting around by myself if you have other plans.”
“Please, I have nothing else going on,” Tyson replied, a grin tugging at his lips again. “And what kind of host would I be if I didn’t at least show you around?”
And that was that.
The first couple of days were spent doing all the outdoorsy stuff Colorado was known for. You hiked what felt like a million different trails, but you didn’t mind the strenuous work. It was no secret Tyson was in much better shape than you, but he didn’t complain any time you needed to take a break to catch your breath or snap pictures.
Hiking, sightseeing, and hitting up shops were how you spent your days, with and without Tyson. Usually he needed to slip away for a few hours to either go to the arena or do whatever workout he was instructed to, so you spent that time wandering around his neighborhood. You found a nice little cafe with, probably, the best chai latte you’ve ever had.
At night, Tyson took you out to a new restaurant, ranging from expensive sushi to the cheapest, and greasiest, burgers you’ve ever tasted. Though, you did make him dinner one night to thank him for his hospitality. You got the feeling he didn’t do a lot of cooking in his free time if his pristine kitchen was any indication.
Near the end of your trip, Tyson thought it was mandatory for you to have at least one night out on the town. He even corralled a couple of the guys who were in the city to join them and convinced them to bring their significant others so you weren’t drowning in testosterone all night.
When you emerged from your room in an outfit that accentuated all your best features, Tyson had to mentally slap himself before he started drooling. It almost felt inappropriate to check you out and let his stare linger over your figure, so he only allowed himself a once over before forcing his gaze to your face.
“Are you ready?” He managed to cough out, and you nodded.
The Uber you took to the bar didn’t last long, but the place was pretty busy when you stepped into the crowded space. It was a Saturday night after all.
Tyson led you to the corner where a few of his teammates were already seated, and let them make their own introductions while he disappeared to get you a drink. You learned the names of JT and his girlfriend Sydney along with Mikko and his girlfriend Susanna and also Cale. You recognized Cale from earlier in the week when he stopped by to ride with Tyson to the rink.
Tyson came back a few short minutes later with a round of shots for the table and a vodka sprite for you. The first round passed quickly and were soon followed by three more, one on each of the guys.
You and the other girls danced for a bit, talked for a bit, and by the time midnight was rolling around, you were more than feeling the effects of the alcohol on your body. It was nowhere near what you knew your limit was, but it was enough for you to lean a little too far into Tyson’s side and let your mind drift to other thoughts that didn’t revolve around the topic at hand.
It took a lot of convincing on Tyson’s end to get you to call it a night; all you wanted to do was sing another karaoke song with Syd, but JT and Tyson declared they couldn’t take any more terrible singing from either of you. You had nearly passed out on Tyson’s shoulder during the ride home, but he didn’t mind the comforting weight of your slumped body tucked into his side.
The waters you had before leaving and the relaxing ride back helped sober you up, and by the time Tyson unlocked his apartment door, the fatigue was threatening to take over your body at any minute. Tyson’s arm steadied you as you kicked your heels off before you made your way to the kitchen for another glass of water.
“Thank you for this week, Tyson, I had a lot of fun,” you said, both of you standing against the kitchen island and downing water.
“Any time,” Tyson blushed. “It’s been fun having you here.”
A week’s worth of sexual tension sat between you now, sizzling your body from the inside out, and you took a quick glance at Tyson from the corner of your eye. He was already looking at you.
Maybe it was the alcohol in your bloodstream or the years of pining after him finally coming to the surface, but you set your glass down and moved closer to his body. Tyson stayed leaning back against the granite, motionless as you took a step in front of him and nearly pressed your front to his. He set his own glass down but didn’t let his hands touch you, opting to grip the counter instead.
With one final burst of courage, you leaned forward, giving Tyson a brief moment to turn away before capturing his lips in a soft kiss.
It took a second for Tyson to comply, moving his lips against yours gentle as ever, like he was afraid of ruining the moment if he pushed too hard. You had to grab his hand to place it on your hip, and he squeezed it at your act of reassurance.
“Kiss me better, Tyson,” you whispered, pulling back only far enough to get the words out. “You don’t have to be so gentle.” Your hands felt their way up his chest until they reached his shoulders.
“I just don’t want you to regret this,” he said, letting his forehead rest against yours. “You had a lot to drink tonight.”
“I’m not drunk, Tys. Just a little tipsy but definitely sober enough to know what I want,” you replied. “Now kiss me.”
He searched your eyes for any sense of doubt or any indication that you weren’t going to remember this come tomorrow, but he didn’t find any of that, only a pleading look that was begging you to kiss him.
So he did.
He crashed his lips against yours with renewed energy, the force taking you a bit by surprise while his hands brought your body flush against his. You could taste the remnants of beer on his tongue, but you drank it down greedily, bringing a hand to curl around the nape of his neck.
You made out like teenagers there in his kitchen, fulfilling every fantasy sixteen year old you had, and you felt Tyson harden against your stomach. He only pulled away when your hands drifted down to dip your fingers underneath the waistband of his jeans.
“As much as I want to, we can’t tonight,” Tyson said, his expression almost pained. “I want you, but I also want us both sober.”
You could understand that. Even if you were slightly put out that you wouldn’t be able to feel him, you wouldn’t push it. Tyson was too good of a guy to go into something like this without thinking about the consequences first. You nodded your compliance and made an attempt to step back.
Tyson only let you get a few inches of space between you, but kept his hands firm on your hips. “Maybe tomorrow I can take you on a real date, though? See where it goes from there.”
His suggestion had your stomach twisting, and you matched the smile he was adorning. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
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jackrrabbit · 4 years
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be a little bad /// Hawks x f!Reader (18+)
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Summary: College AU 🍺 Frat boy Keigo pours you your first drink and decides he’s going to help himself to more of your firsts.
A/N: Hawks just makes so much sense as a frat bro 🤧 @koiibito​ thank you for working through ideas w/ me…& remember when I told you this was going to be short?? whoops 🤡
Tags/warnings: dubcon/coercion, inexperienced reader, fuckboy Hawks, overstimulation, alcohol, inebriated sex, problematic frat culture stuff, idk what to call it but peer pressure? to drink etc., all characters are adults
How long have you been sitting here?
You feel like there’s some kind of immense weight holding you down, making it impossible for you to stand up off this ugly couch that’s been crammed into the corner of the room to make space for the dance floor. You and this couch have become good friends over what you think has been the past hour—at first you occupied yourself by looking at the people playing beer pong, but after the fourth time you had to decline one of the players’ offers to join, you decided to stop making eye contact. So you sit on the couch, you stare at your phone, and you wish you were back at your dorm—or, better yet, back in your hometown with all your high school friends.
But you’re not. You’re here, multiple time zones away from anywhere you can call home, and all of your high school friends are asleep. And the one person—the one person you’ve managed to make friends with since orientation is the one who dragged you to this freaking frat party and then proceeded to abandon you. Apparently he didn’t feel the need to tell you that as a new pledge of this frat, he’s going to be on “door duty” checking ratios and giving sardonic responsibility talks for the next two hours.
Which leaves you here, sitting on the couch and trying to avoid the more questionable stains that you can barely make out in the seizure-inducing strobe lights. There’s a can of beer icing down your palms and you adjust your grip so it doesn’t leave a damp spot of condensation in your lap. It was your friend who gave it to you before he disappeared (“you don’t even have to drink it,” he’d said, “just hold it and no one else will pressure you to get another drink”).
It smells foul. You’ve had sips of beer before, and you can never understand why people drink it voluntarily. But maybe…maybe now that you’re in college, maybe now that you’re an adult, you’ll enjoy the taste. You raise the can to your lips and chug down a heavy gulp.
Ugh. Still gross. You wince and wipe your mouth.
“Not a fan of natty, huh? Good taste.” A hand appears out of nowhere to pluck the can away from you and you jump, nearly smacking your forehead against the stranger’s chin. He pulls back. “Whoa! Careful there.”
“…That’s mine,” you say half-heartedly as the guy tilts up the beer—your beer, your decoy drink—and takes a long draught.
“You’re not missing out. This stuff is piss,” he says, grinning down at you.
He’s not the first guy to hit on you at this party (what is it about lost-looking girls that draws frat boys in like moths to a flame?), but he is the best-looking. Long, swept-back blond hair; equally long eyelashes; a hint of scruff on his chin—he’s pretty and masculine at the same time. You let him take the seat next to you and lure you into a conversation, and he’s nice, too—laughing with you about how bad the beer tastes and sympathizing with your criticisms of your first experience at a frat party. You fall over yourself apologizing when he lets slip that he’s a brother (“social chair, actually, so if the party sucks it’s on me”) but he tells you it’s okay, that no one likes going to parties alone, not at first.
His name is Keigo Takami. He’s a junior, a marketing major, and he joined the frat in his first semester. According to him, the fraternity is a great group of guys (“I mean, they’re a bunch of jackasses, sure, but they’re well-meaning jackasses for the most part”) and all the rumors about frat parties are overblown.
“Seriously, you’d be having fun if you were drinking,” Keigo tells you. “These parties aren’t intended for a sober audience.”
“Sure,” you scoff, but it’s not serious. You are having fun, talking to him.
He gasps, mock-offended. “Don’t believe me? I’ll prove it to you. Stay right here, okay—don’t move a muscle.”
When he gets up, the dense crowd on the makeshift dance floor parts to let him through to the stairs leading into the upper floors. It’s kind of amazing. Everyone else (yourself included) has to wade through, pushing and shoving past the teeming throng to get anywhere, but for Keigo it’s effortless.
He’s back in just a few minutes, holding—oh god, how typical—a red plastic cup filled with a kool-aid red liquid that smells sickly sweet. Is it actually kool-aid? You take a whiff and can’t detect the tell-tale bitter alcohol fumes. “Is this…?”
“Mm, that’s jungle juice. The frat’s secret recipe. It’s good, try it.”
You raise the cup but hesitate. Is this really a good idea? You’ve been warned about stuff like this so many times. You don’t have to do it just because everyone else is.
Keigo catches your hesitation and frowns. “What’s up?”
“It’s nothing, I just…haven’t…”
“Hm? Don’t tell me this is your first drink? Aww, little freshman baby.” He’s mocking you, looking down on you, and you hate it. You’re not a baby. You can play with the boys.
You make eye contact with him before you tip back the cup and gulp down the juice, letting the full contents slosh down your throat. It’s syrupy-sweet and tastes like fruit punch and oranges so it goes down easy, a lot easier than you thought it would. A drop slides out of the corner of your mouth but you lick it up when it runs over your lip.
Keigo whistles. “Damn, down the hatch. That was…that was kinda hot.”
If you’re blushing, you hope he thinks it’s because of the drink.
He’s faster when he gets you the second cup. It doesn’t even taste like alcohol. Keigo won’t tell you what’s in it or how much (“secret recipe’s gotta stay a secret, y’know? It’s in the bylaws”). Halfway into the second cup you start to feel dizzy, which Keigo says means it’s working. He pulls you up off what you’ve semi-affectionately begun to think of as your couch and guides you onto the dance floor. The music is heavy and blaring loud, thudding through the speakers and making the walls shake, making you shake as it travels through the sticky floor up into your body. You sway haphazardly but Keigo’s got you by the arms, pulling you out of the way of the crowd, pulling you into him.
“Looking a little unsteady there, baby,” he says, and—and, you hear him, you do, but he’s talking to you from underwater (or, no, that’s just what it sounds like? or—) um. Beaming his voice into your brain or something?
Keigo laughs and you giggle and it feels good. “Better finish that or you’re gonna spill it,” he says, putting his warm hot hand over yours, guiding the cup back up to your face so you can finish off.
You’re in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by writhing bodies so it shouldn’t surprise you when someone’s elbow smacks into your back and jostles you so the jungle juice spills, spills out of your mouth dripping down your chin onto the dress. You process the interruption a second too late and the sticky red liquid is already staining your skin. …Feels good, you think first, because the drink is cool and refreshing and it’s so hot in here, steamy warm, everyone pressed up against everyone else like you’re pressed into Keigo, and then oh no—oh no your dress—but at least it’s a dark color, at least the stain won’t show—
“What did I tell you about spilling?” you sort of  hear Keigo say, and then you sort of feel the weight of his hand wiping away the juice from your mouth, and then he sticks his face up close to yours and oh my god oh my god he’s kissing you.
There’s something indescribably weird about it, his tongue thrashing over yours like he’s trying to lick the juice out of your mouth while you try not to flinch back from the taste of the beer he was drinking earlier. But he’s so solid, so steady, the only still thing in a room full of movement—when your eyes move away from him into the twisting mass of bodies and flashing lights you feel dizzy, so you keep your gaze locked firmly on him. He wraps his arm around your back and you instantly feel better and lean into him, lean into the kiss.
You’re drooling by the time he stops kissing you. “So sweet,” Keigo says, wiping a pearl of saliva off his mouth. “Little sloppy, but I can work with that.”
You don’t get it. You don’t even know if you would get it if you were sober. What you do get is Keigo’s hand wrapped around your upper arm, pulling you through the crowd to the staircase. Once again the people move aside for him, like the Red Sea for Moses, you think with a little laugh and he looks back at you and raises an eyebrow questioningly.
You stop, halting at the base of the stairs and squinting up at the bright yellow light in the stairwell, so invasive and clinical after the strobing darkness of the bottom floor. There’s something hard pressing into your side when you try to lean on the wall. There’s a name for that thing, isn’t there? B…ban…bannister, right? You grip the bannister with one hand to hold yourself still and resist Keigo tugging you higher up the stairs.
“W-Where’re we going?” you ask. It’s weird—your voice doesn’t sound like drunk people in movies. It’s not slurred or unintelligible. To your own ears, it just sounds high, and fast, and…nervous.
“Going upstairs,” Keigo says patiently, still pulling gently at your arm. “Gonna get some air, ‘kay? I’ll show you something cool.”
“O-Okay…” Something cool? You want to see something cool, even if you’re practically tripping over the stairs trying to stumble up them.
One of the brothers is guarding the entrance to the upper floors (no doubt ensuring that wayward attendees don’t try to take the party upstairs into the personal bedrooms). He nods at Keigo when he passes, but when he catches sight of you—you with your hair mussed, lipstick smeared, flushed cheeks and wobbly steps—his eyes narrow. “She good?”
Even in your boozy haze, it doesn’t escape you that the question isn’t directed toward you. He’s asking Keigo.
“Her? She’s fine, she’s fine.” Keigo throws his arm over your shoulders like you’re old buddies. “I’m taking her to my room, it’s so fucking hot down there I can’t breathe.”
“Yeah…” the other guy says, gaze still focused on you, but he doesn’t move to the side to let you through.
“Oh, come on.” Keigo steps up onto the same stair as him so he can look him in the eye. “I said she’s fine, didn’t I? She’s having fun. Aren’t you? Tell him you’re having fun, (Y/N).”
His tone isn’t any less sociable than before, but—are you imagining it?—he’s not really asking, is he? “Um, I’m having—having fun?”
Oh. Oh no. Why did that sound like a question?
The brother waits a moment, and then shrugs and steps aside. “Whatever, bro.”
Keigo’s bedroom is on the third and highest floor of the sprawling mansion where the fraternity makes its home. Flags are pinned to the walls—one with the colors of your university and one with the fraternity crest—and on top of his desk there are trophies lined up in meticulous rows: track and field, swimming, cross country, fencing. The bedroom is a rare single, one of only a few in the crowded house, which Keigo explains is because he earned it as a member of leadership when he was elected social chair (“it was unanimous—well, almost, a couple of the douchebags voted for themselves but—“)
You’re trying to listen, you really are. But your head is spinning. Now that you’re out of the feverish swampy heat of the dance floor downstairs, you feel marginally more sober—and also more aware that you’re inebriated. Keigo’s voice is steady and soothing like the rest of him. The timbre, the intonations, the casual lilt and dip of his speaking make more sense to you than the words themselves.
“Here, have this. It’s rum. Tell me what it smells like…” Keigo puts something in your hand—a tiny little cup, a plastic shot glass—and you have to use all your concentration to hold it still enough to let him fill it with red-brown liquid out of an unlabeled bottle.
When you carefully lift it up to your face, you can smell the alcohol. It smells sweet, too—like vanilla, vanilla and something fruity and heavy. Bananas?
But mostly it smells like alcohol.
“It smells like banana bread, doesn’t it?” Keigo asks, pouring himself a shot too. “Try it.”
You take a tentative sip but even that meager amount is sickeningly bitter in your mouth. You hold it on your tongue for a second trying to taste the ‘banana bread’ and then swallow a few moments too late, hoping you don’t look as disgusted as you feel.
“Not like that,” Keigo laughs, tipping his own shot back and downing it in a single go. “Like this. Your turn.”
“…Keigo…” You’re not sure what you want to say. You don’t want the shot, it tastes bad and you’re already drunk. You’re a smart girl, a careful girl. You should know better. You do know better. But it feels like—it feels like, even though he’s not making you do anything, somehow it’s too late to say no.
“C’mon, (Y/N). It’s just a little shot.” He taps his empty glass against your almost-full one. “And look, if you don’t want to, I’ll just take you back downstairs…is that what you want?”
Back downstairs. Back to sitting by yourself and waiting for your friend and turning down offers. Is that what you want?
Keigo’s gaze dips down to the ground and he shifts a step forward. “Now…maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think you want that. ‘Cause when I saw you sitting on that couch, you didn’t look like you were having such a good time, hm? Am I right?”
“…um, I guess?”
“Yeah…you looked so sad and lost and lonely I couldn’t leave you alone. Admit it...” He reaches up and tucks a wayward lock of hair behind your ear. “You were waiting for someone to catch your interest. You were wishing a guy like me would come rescue you. If I’m wrong, I’ll take you right back downstairs and leave you by yourself for the rest of the night, okay? But if I’m right…”
You can smell his hot breath on your face—vanilla and sugar and bananas and rum.
“…take the shot.”
It’s not so bad the second time. You’re quicker and you don’t bother holding it in your mouth. The liquor sears your throat clean and when you get over the unpleasantness, it really does taste kind of like banana bread.
“Ohhhh… Not so bad, is it?” Keigo takes the glass from you. “God, you—you complain, but you really take it down like a champ.”
“Alcohol tastes nasty,” you reply, wrinkling your nose. “Why’d people do this for fun?”
“It’s not about the taste, not at first,” Keigo laughs. Weird. It’s like he’s always laughing.
“Then what?” At your next exhale, you squeeze your eyes shut and reopen them. Ah. Ah. The room is moving again, spinning, contracting and dilating. There’s something relaxing about it, like you’re being rocked on gentle waves in the ocean. You feel floaty, comfortable, pleased.
“Well…it’s nice, isn’t it? Isn’t this nice? Helps you not think so much, not worry about the consequences.” Keigo’s arms are wrapping around you again, anchoring you in place. His torso is warm and hard against yours. “Lets you be bad.”
“Mmm…” You blink up at Keigo, admire his jawline and his lashes and his pretty gold eyes. He looks like a boy you would’ve had a crush on in high school, an older boy who never would’ve given you the time of day.
His hand is rubbing circles over your back, shifting the fabric of your dress along with his palm. “So what do you say?” he murmurs. “Wanna be a little bad?”
You do. You want to be bad and naughty and reckless. You want to make dumb, drunken decisions that you’ll laugh about with your friends in a few years. You want to do things you’ll regret, because you’d rather regret the things you had the guts to do than the ones you were too scared to try.
You inch your arms up past Keigo’s shoulders and tangle them in his fluffy hair, tugging gently at the different strands until you work up the nerve to pull his head to your level and kiss him. Even though you initiated it, he immediately takes the lead and the force of his mouth writhing against yours has your neck twisting back to accommodate. His tongue pushes against yours again but you don’t mind it this time. Your spine is arched and you’d probably be falling backward if his hand wasn’t bracing your lower back before sliding down to grab your ass.
“God—“ he breaks the kiss— “goddamn, look at you.” He’s gripping your dress, lifting it, pulling the fabric up over your hips and up to your waist at the same time as he showers kisses over your cheeks and your jawline and your neck.
You lift your chin (how strange that you’ve never done this before and still it feels so natural) to let him bite and suck scarlet marks onto the thin skin of your throat. “Keigo—“
“Baby,” he sighs, his breath stirring the hair falling over your neck. “You’re gonna be a killer, I can tell… You’re sweet now, but fuck, you’ve got no idea.” His hands are under the hem of your dress giving your ass another squeeze before he pulls the skirt up.
“Killer? What do you...” He’s backing you onto the bed, kicking off his shoes, and you do the same.
“Shh, that’s for me to know and you to find out. Arms up,” he tells you, and you slowly comply, letting him take the dress off your shivering body to leave you in your panties—no bra, not in this dress. Keigo holds the dress in his hands for a second before he drops it to the floor. “This—you know what, this is how I knew you were a virgin, this little dress, who the hell wears a dress to a frat party—“
“A virgin?” Hearing him say the word hits some kind of trigger in you and your eyes go wide. Without thinking, you fold your arms over your breasts and pull your legs up to your chest.
“Not a virgin virgin, it’s just what we call freshie girls who’ve never been to a party before—“ Keigo starts to clarify, but when he catches your reaction (your overreaction), his eyes narrow and he sits on the bed over you, knees straddling your legs. “Wait. Are you—you’re not actually a virgin, are you?”
You look to the side, cheeks hot, wanting to deny it but knowing there’s no way you’ve got the mental fortitude to really convince him.
“Fuuuck,” Keigo breathes, leaning over you and framing your face with his hands. “Baby. You just keep getting sweeter, don’t you?”
“Shut up,” you whine, covering your face with your hands. “’s embarrassing…”
“You should be glad I asked, or you’d be…like crying and bleeding and stuff, right? God, it’s been a while since I had a virgin.” He scratches his forehead and then his hand comes down to absently stroke the soft inside of your thigh.
It tickles. It tickles and you feel goosebumps rising to attention on your leg and a silly little laugh bubbles out of your throat. An involuntary shiver passes through you.
Keigo smirks and ducks down to kiss the skin of your inner thigh. It’s light—it’s nothing—but the rough stubble on his chin scratches over your skin and you giggle again. He nudges up higher on your body, so close you can feel the heat of his breath through your panties, and his hands grip around your waist to keep you in place.
Everything’s moving so quickly. You wonder in the back of your mind, the tiny part that still has a decent grasp on sobriety, if you’re ready for all of this. Then you wonder if anyone’s ever ready. How are you supposed to know? When it’s the right time, are you not supposed to be nervous? You are nervous, but the liquor is taking the edge off, making you more comfortable, maybe even keeping your mouth shut when the sober version of you would’ve stopped this a long time ago. You don’t know.
But what you do know—what you do know is that Keigo is easing your panties down off your legs and then nosing back in to kiss up your thighs and latch his mouth over your pussy.
“Mm—oh, fuck—“ What are you saying? You’re not a moaner, you don’t even say ‘fuck’. You’ve always been able to keep quiet when you’re by yourself. It’s like Keigo’s tongue flicking over your clit is pulling the voice out of you.
He wriggles the tip of his tongue over that sweet spot and the breath falls out of your lungs in what is undeniably a whimper. You feel so tense with the effort of keeping still, blood rushing to your pussy, and your thigh spasms where it’s nestled next to Keigo’s cheek. “You ever done this before?” he hums between licks.
“N-No…ah!”
“Ever cum?” His tongue returns, licking you up and down in lazy strokes, spreading your juices all over your dripping cunt.
“…hahhh, yesss…” Yes, you’ve had an orgasm before, in your own bed on your own fingers. When you do it to yourself it’s detached and methodical, a means to an end. You keep your mouth closed and you barely move and you get it over with. It’s not like this, wet and sloppy and out of your control, teasing, giving you almost exactly what you want but not quite.
You’re moaning. You’re moaning. You can still hear the throbbing music of the party downstairs, and you’re moaning your little heart out, whimpering, crying with little ah-ah-ah’s that anyone who can hear would recognize immediately.
When you do it yourself, it’s not like this. It’s never like this. Keigo moves from slow to quick unpredictably, always pulling you down right when you feel that pressure building in your core. It feels good enough that you’re annoyed—no, not annoyed, downright pissed when he sits back up on his heels and licks the wetness off his own lips.
“What’re you—I was, I was gonna—“ you start, trying to organize your thoughts. It had felt good. You’d wanted it, wanted more, and now your pussy feels all warm and wet and needy, pulsating with the lust he stirred up in you.
“Gonna cum?” Keigo leans down and kisses you, long and slow. “Sorry…but I’m selfish. When you cum, I wanna feel it.”
His arms flex in the yellow lamplight as he pulls the collar of his shirt over his head. You’re sprawled over the sheets on your back, not sure what you can say so you just watch. It helps that there’s plenty to look at—the hard planes of his abdomen forming the tell-tale dips of a six-pack, perfectly-formed lean muscle (all those sports trophies, you think to yourself), and the V of his hipbones disappearing under the hem of his pants…which he’s currently taking off as well. There’s something to be said for the benefits of spending more time at the gym than you do at the library.
Every part of Keigo Takami is impressive—he’s a work of art in human form. And when he pulls down his boxer briefs and his cock springs out to bob against his stomach, you’ve gotta admit that that is pretty impressive too.
Impressive…and intimidating. You bite your lip looking at it. Keigo pumps himself up and down, and every time his fist moves down to expose the thick pink head, you wonder the same thing: how is that supposed to fit!?
Keigo must see the sudden anxiety on your face, because he smiles (reassuringly? arrogantly? or is he just delighting in your discomfort?) and lifts you like a kitten with his hands under your armpits. “Up, up, on your knees, legs together—perfect. Now turn and put your hands on the wall.”
It’s so much easier to follow his instructions than try to consider what would happen if you said no. His callused hands petting over your waist make you feel like you’re doing the right thing. But—still—the nagging anxiety of having something so big in your pussy doesn’t go away.
You hear a drawer opening, and you turn away from the wall to see Keigo squeezing a clear liquid from a bottle in his hand and spreading it meticulously down the shaft of his cock. Lube? That’s good, you’ve heard from your more experienced female friends that it’s good to be extra wet the first time…but there’s something else, something you’re missing, isn’t there?
You try to think, try to ground yourself and understand, really understand what’s happening to you. What are you missing? The bed is squishy and soft under your knees, the air is windy somehow (is there a fan on? you hadn’t noticed), and the music downstairs is so loud you can feel the vibrations through the wall you’re pushed up against. And. And. You try to think. What are you forgetting that you’re not allowed to forget?
You can feel his cock, too. Keigo’s hands grip the flesh of your hips and he leans his chest into your back, brushing your hair over your shoulders so the two of you can touch skin to skin. The head of his cock bumps against your mound, raw and hard and heavy. Skin to skin.
Skin to skin.
It hits you in a wave of panic and you whip your head around and push desperately back at Keigo’s solid shoulder. “Wait! Wait, Keigo—the condom? Are you wearing a condom?”
His hand wraps around your wrist and pins it back against the wall, and he bows down to nip a a little spot on the crook of your neck. “Calm down, we don’t need one.”
“No, we—we need it, I need it!” you squeak out, trying to push away from Keigo but he’s got you sandwiched between him and the wall and those perfect muscles you were admiring earlier are definitely not just for show.
“I said calm down. I’m not gonna go inside.”
“…What?”
He rocks his hips forward and his dick bumps up under your pussy again. “Ever heard of thighfucking?”
No, you’ve never heard of thighfucking, but you’re an intelligent girl and you might be drunk but you’re not so drunk that you can’t piece together what he means. Your interpretation is reinforced when you feel Keigo slathering liquid—lubricant—over the lips of your pussy and between the tops of your thighs. It feels cold and weird—slippery slick, like lotion—but even the barest second of his fingers brushing over your clit reignites the need from when he ate you out and you shudder.
“Keep those knees together for me, baby,” Keigo says, and with no further delay he pushes his cock in between your thighs, aiming it perfectly to slide between your pussy lips so the head will bump up on your clit.
“…ahh, Keigo, wait—oh!” The full weight of Keigo’s body shoves against your back every time he thrusts. You’re too weak for this, too delicate to stay in position. Your elbows buckle under the pressure and your face is about to smack directly into the wall until Keigo laces his fingers in your loose hair and yanks you back from it.
He’s got no trouble holding you down, keeping you perfectly posed with your soft thighs molded tightly around the cock driving between them. Your head is craned back from his hold on your hair and he lays hungry kisses over your mouth, your cheek, your neck, anywhere he can reach. He’s right—he is selfish, and you know that this position is about him, not you, so it takes you by surprise that the longer he fucks his cock between your thighs and your dripping slit, the more heat you feel rising up in your cunt.
It’s not right. It’s not supposed to be like this. Your first time doing anything with a boy isn’t supposed to end up with him using you like he’s humping a pillow, thrusting his slippery cock into your thighs and groaning in your ear. It’s all wrong, and it’s definitely wrong that you’re getting off to it.
But now you know why he ate you out and left you high and dry (well, not dry) without making you cum—because the heat and the friction and the feeling of every ridged vein sliding over your clit, his hips smacking with a wet slap against yours, the smooth head grinding over your pussy—all of it is making your thoughts swirl like your brains are sloshing around in your head, and not just because of the alcohol.
“Fuck,” Keigo purrs, ducking forward to bite the shell of your ear and then running a soothing tongue over it. “Fuck, baby, you like that? Is that virgin pussy getting all wet on my dick? You’re twitching, I can feel you…”
“…Mmph, ah, I, I—please—” You can’t really talk, not when he’s knocking the breath out of you with every thrust. But you need more. It’s not fair, having to make do with the uncontrolled jerks of his cock over your upper thighs and the outside of your pussy. He’s fucking you like he couldn’t care less about whether you get to cum—which, if you had the ability to think about it, he probably doesn’t. Certainly not as much as he cares about your soft, lubed-up skin squeezing so deliciously on his cock.
You grind your hips down a little, sticking your ass back toward him to get a better angle and—ugh, ugh it works, the pressure on your clit increases, and you keen desperately, begging him to fuck your thighs faster harder deeper. He yanks on your hair, snapping your head back so your whimper chokes up into a squeal, and—god, are you imagining it?—but you swear you feel the stiff length of his cock throb in between your legs with the head nudging on your belly.
“Uhnn…baby, baby, baby,” Keigo chants in your ear. His voice is heavier and jagged with the puffs of breath that are coming out in time with the roll of his hips into yours. It sounds…needy, almost. “G-Good girl, keep those legs tight, just—just like that…my good little sweetheart, angel, virgin. Gonna make me cum? Yeah? Make me cum with these pretty fucking thighs?”
“—Keigo, I’m—mm!” You can’t say it, even the thought of announcing you’re cumming like some kind of pornstar makes you cringe, but even if you don’t say it, there’s no way he doesn’t feel the electric shock that passes through you, sending tremors through your body.
You’re crying out, loud, louder than the music downstairs maybe (or at least it feels like it). There’s nothing you can grip for purchase so one hand just scrabbles against the bare expanse of the wall while you curl the other into a fist and dig your fingernails into your palms.
Fuck, is it the alcohol? Is it the liquor that’s making it feel like this, so overwhelming and heady you don’t even know where you are? You vaguely try to remember how you got here (something about blond hair, an easy laugh, and sugar-sweet liquid coating your tongue), but it’s not important, who fucking cares when the cock pistoning between your thighs is still rubbing up on your clit, still stimulating you, still sending sparks of heat up through your spine and making it impossible for you to breathe without moaning, much less think.
“Keigo…Keigo I came, please ahh—it, it hurts,” you whimper, trying to shift your hips up off his cock to relieve the pressure on your sensitive clit—but he won’t let you.
Keigo’s grip on your ass digs in deeper, harder so he’s probably leaving bruises, and the hand in your hair pulls your head back toward his. His voice is a growl, so low and scratchy that it sends a chill up through your body. “Don’t move. Don’t you—don’t you fucking move. Stay right fucking there.”
It scares you.
It scares you, but his dick is rocking over your pussy, making you crazy, making you lose your grip on whatever other physical sensations you can still feel. You’re limp except for your thighs pressed into one another as tightly as you can manage, letting Keigo hold you up. It doesn’t hurt, not really—but it’s horrible, it’s too much, it’s like you’re trapped on the edge, cumming and cumming and cumming and cumming while you squeal like you’re being tortured, and you are, you are, you are, you are—
—it's torture.
But not pain. It doesn’t hurt. It’s mind-bending, oppressive, awful, you want it to stop but—oh god oh god—you’re helpless and you don’t get to make it stop, you don’t get to make that decision, it’s up to him. He decides, Keigo decides, and Keigo decides to keep fucking into your thighs, keep spreading your pussy lips apart and teasing your clit, so you just roll your head back and stop trying to convince yourself it doesn’t feel incredible.
You barely notice him speeding up—you probably wouldn’t notice at all if you couldn’t hear the beat of your moans, paced in time with his body slamming yours against the wall, increasing in frequency. He releases your hair (you swear you can feel blood rush back into your head when you’re finally able to lean forward) and his hands go back to your hips, guiding you to rock yourself back on him so his last few rabid thrusts finish with the head of his cock rubbing firmly against your stomach.
“Ugh, goddamnit fuck, baby, yesss, stay still, stay right there,” Keigo groans, and you’re so blissed out from the overstimulation that you barely even feel the twitching of his cock between your legs and the spurt of thick, hot liquid on your stomach.
Oh.
Oh god.
When Keigo finally picks his hands off their bruising grip on your ass, you drop directly onto the bed, barely remembering at the last second to roll over onto your back so his semen (his semen, which is spread over your lower belly like a Jackson Pollock painting) doesn’t stain his sheets.
You stare at the ceiling and what do you know, there is a ceiling fan, blades spinning in lazy circles that make you sick when you try to follow them. So you close your eyes.
What are you feeling? What are you supposed to be feeling?
Anger, probably. Fear? Well, you won’t deny that there are hints of both of those emotions swimming underneath the hazy surface of your drunken psyche, but they’re overshadowed by what you’re really feeling, which is relief, relief that the stimulation is over, relief that it felt good, relief. And—since you’re too out of it to stop yourself from admitting it—satisfaction.
There’s a rustling, paper slipping against paper, and then you can feel Keigo wiping his cum off your bare stomach with a tissue and then dabbing at the smears of wetness between your legs. When he’s satisfied that you’re clean, the bed creaks as he lays down next to you. He’s panting.
Reluctantly you open your eyes and roll onto your side, propping yourself up on an elbow so you can look down at him: golden hair spread out in a halo around his head, pale lashes and brows, a healthy glow of sweat over his forehead. You hadn’t seen it before, but there’s a tattoo curling over his biceps from where it must originate on his back—red feathers, wings, inked permanently into his skin.
Angel, Keigo called you earlier. But really, between the two of you…he’s the angel. In appearance, if nothing else.
His eyes drift open and the corner of his mouth tilts up, pleased to see you inspecting him. “How was that? Did you have fun being naughty?”
You and him both know exactly how much fun you had, and if you said it you’d just be stroking his ego. “You’re not a good guy, are you,” you say instead.
“Never said I was.”
“Then why didn’t you…have sex with me? For real?” you ask after a beat. The question’s been weighing on you.
“Don’t tell me you’re complaining.” A hand comes up to comb through your mussed hair unhurriedly.
“I’m not…” You still want to know, though.
“Mmm…baby. You didn’t want this to be your first time. Believe me, you’re not supposed to lose your virginity to a guy like me. No—don’t pout, come on. Your first time is supposed to be, like, soft and special and romantic, right?”
The girl you were one month ago, before you moved away from your hometown to come to college, she would have agreed. But you’re not that girl. You’ve been to your first college frat party, you’ve had your first drink and your first shot, you’ve kissed a stranger and you’ve done…sexual things with a man for the first time. And you’re okay with it. So you roll your eyes. “I’m not some fourteen-year-old drawing hearts in my notebook. I don’t need soft,” you tell him, hoping you sound bold and sarcastic.
Keigo chuckles and pats you on the head. “Don’t knock soft fucking, it’s got a time and a place like everything. I just couldn’t do it. Not when I saw you sitting there looking so lonely—you were like, hmm…like a rabbit in a den of wolves. You looked delicious.”
Oh god, you’re blushing again. This isn’t good for the nonchalant cool girl persona you’re trying to cultivate for yourself.
He cups your chin and runs his thumb over your lower lip. “I don’t think I could’ve been soft with you if I tried.”
A sharp rap on the door has both of you tensing, and Keigo only has a second to yank a blanket up from the foot of the bed over your naked bodies before the door is slammed open so hard that it bangs against the adjacent wall. “Jesus, get the fuck out!” he barks to the intruder, and it’s weird to hear the authoritative note in his voice reminding you that within this house, he’s someone who commands respect.
You tuck your face into Keigo’s chest and hope wildly that the person who just walked in 1) didn’t see anything and 2) isn’t the friend who brought you to the party, because if word gets around that you’re the girl who ‘slept’ with an older frat boy at the first party of freshman year, you’ll never live it down. Regardless of your own sexual liberation or whatever, you’re well aware that this isn’t the kind of reputation you want to start your college career out with.
“Sorry Kei! But we need you downstairs, we’re out of alc and the music stopped and no one knows how to fix the speakers!” the brother says, shielding his eyes with his hand, but he doesn’t leave the room. At least it’s not your friend—you breathe a sigh of relief and Keigo automatically smooths a hand down the back of your head in response.
“I’m kind of busy,” he seethes, and—you’ve gotta admit, there’s something marginally funny about seeing him caught off guard like this. You bite down on a laugh and he looks at you curiously, one thick eyebrow quirked.
“I’m really sorry, man, but the President said you’ll be on puke clean-up duty tomorrow if you don’t get your ass down there. His words, not mine.”
“Tomura, of-fucking-course…shitty incel has it out for me…” Keigo curses under his breath. “Give me five minutes.”
As soon as the door is closed, you’ve got your feet on the floor, groping around the discarded articles of clothing for your dress. You smooth down your hair with your hands and hope you look like any other tipsy freshman instead of a girl who just got pseudo-fucked. Keigo winks at you and taps his cheeks under his eyes; you take the hint and wipe away the smudges of mascara and eyeliner that migrated out of place during your…activities.
Your phone is safely in the pocket of your dress and you’re all but ready to leave the room (hopefully there won’t be anyone in the hallway to see you) when Keigo, still pulling on his pants, tugs you back by your wrist.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” you reply uncertainly.
“Aren’t you going to give me your number?”
What? Really? You’ve heard plenty about how frat guys like him operate, and nothing Keigo’s done (except the whole ‘no penetrative sex’ thing) has led you to believe he doesn’t fit the stereotype. And the stereotype doesn’t involve sleeping with the same girl twice, especially if that girl is an awkward freshman who is apparently too innocent for him to get his dick wet with. “What do you want my number for?” you ask.
“Do I have to spell it out to you?” Keigo’s fingers lace with yours and you stumble forward into him so he can kiss you.
It’s light, chaste even, but it’s not fair because he knows, of course he knows—a kiss like that is going to leave you wanting more. “Yes,” you tell him, just to be contrary.
Keigo laughs again, and you do your best to memorize the sound of it. “It’s so the next time you decide you want to be a bad girl…you know where to find me.”
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urcuteharrington · 3 years
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hi, I just saw your post asking for some requests. Maybe if you can do a Steve angst but with a little bit of fluff? 💛💛
forgotten?☁️🕊
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summary-steve seemed to have forgotten you when nancy came into the picture
word count-1.8k
warnings-fighting and cursing
a/n-i really hope you guys enjoyed this because it took me so long to write but i appreciate you all and i’m so glad to be back 🤍
masterlist
huge thanks to @angsty-plots for giving me ideas for new angst plots<3
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steve and i were good friends that was until he started dating nancy wheeler. it use to be steve and i doing everything together hanging out at each others houses, long car rides , going to tommy’s parties , and now he forgot all about me. i knew steve had a crush on ever since the beginning... i saw the way he looked at her when she would walk past him , i saw the sparkle in his eyes when he talked about her or whenever she was around. it use to be steve, tommy, carol, and i hanging out at lunch everyday but i was soon replaced when steve asked nancy to go to his house for a hangout with carol and tommy since his parents were out of town. that night he only invited me out of pity and i saw the subtitle flirting between the two and it made me sick. i walked barb that night to the bathroom after she sliced her thumb trying to open a beer can.” i know steve has gauze and bandages somewhere here ill look just keep your hand under the water” i tell her. that night i saw nancy and steve go into his room and i knew what was going to happen and i couldn’t bare being their for it. I said my goodbye to barb wishing her a safe ride home and went on my way. remembering that night i cried my heart out wondering why steve never expressed interest in me.
That was months ago now it’s around october and it was tommy’s halloween bash. i wasn’t going to go but i decided that it was better than sitting at home doing nothing. i knew i was going to see steve their with nancy but i still went even if it was going to hurt seeing my best friend who forgot i even existed. I go dressed up as (whatever you want) and grab my keys getting ready to head off to the party. pulling up to the house i already see drunk teens walking around with their heels in hand or wobbling around. i walk in and head over to the kitchen and try to grab a drink of spiked punch. while pouring i look over and see them... steve and nancy dancing to the beat of the music. a sudden wave of sadness hit and i decided to take a sip of the punch feeling the alcohol run down my throat.
minutes pass and i decided to stay in the kitchen since i felt like it was my best bet to not run into them while on the dance floor. watching the drunken teens flirting and stumbling their words amused on how quickly the punch could get someone drunk.then i saw her , the girl who stole my best friend from me and the boy i loved. nancy walked into the kitchen and grabbed more cups of the spiked punch , one after another i was able to see her get completely shitfaced in the ,mater of only a few minutes. steve came looking for nancy and they got into a fight and i watched intensely. watching as the punch spilled all over her while sweater my mouth opened a jar shocked at how messy everything was getting. watching her and steve storm over to the bathroom. moments later i move to the living room near the front door and suddenly get shouldered by steve who seemed furious and watching jonathan rush to the bathroom. i decided to stay a little longer since the party was still going strong.
a few days later i noticed that steve and nancy were slowly falling out since he wasn’t visiting her at school anymore and her and jonathan seemed to have gotten closer. they seemed to be done and whatever was said in that bathroom must have been bad. i decided to go to steve’s house and check up on him, even if we weren’t friends anymore i didnt want to see him go through something like a breakup alone. knocking on his front door i waited anxiously wondering if i was making the wrong choice. “ hey how can i- oh hi y/n. i didnt uh expect you to be here?” steve says opening the door confused. “ i know steve but i wanted to talk to you” i say as he walks me to his room to talk.” hey i was actually gonna go out and apologize to nancy so if you can come and help me pick something out for her” my heart sank i haven’t talked to him in months and he already brought her up. not a hey how are you or a i miss you nothing its always about her i think to myself. “ oh i actually came to talk to you about something “ “ shoot” he says.” why did you stop talking to me” silence filled the room 1...2...3 minutes passed waiting for him to say something anything” steve you left me for nancy and i dont get what i did for you to sto talking to me. i understand shes your girlfriend but shit i didnt think you’d completely forget about me” i say standing up from his bed looking at him with sadness in my eyes.” i-i thought you didn’t want to hang out with us anymore y/n i didnt notice at first i i’m so sorry” he says guilt in his voice.” i feel like i lost the only person i truly cared about and and you were my friend and now you don’t even look my way steve how could you not notice me not being their... how did you not notice me not their at your basketball games cheering you on or the long car rides we would have just blasting music or going to tommy’s parties and taking turns getting shit faced. tell me steve is it me was i just not who you wanted to be around anymore was she my replacement because i saw it since the beginning” chocking on my words i hold back my tears. i didnt want to cry but eventually it fell and my vision blurred with tears.” y/n i never ment to make you feel that way and i am so sorry i guess i just got so caught up in nancy and i didnt notice you slowly leave and i i just feel terrible “ steve looked at me finally realizing how much he affected me and how much pain he caused me. “steve if you didnt want to be friends anymore you could have just told me you really hurt me” i say to him not daring to look him in the eyes.”i-i” is all he could say” you know what steve a simple hey i dont think we should be friends anymore its not your fault i just think we should go our own ways would have been nice” i say to him walking past him” you know thanks for being my friend for so many years but i cant be friends with someone who doesn’t give two shits about me anymore” i say as i walk out the door and walk back home since it was only a few houses down.steve not moving just in shock realizing that he was the reason why he lost his best friend.
days past and steve found out that nancy liked jonathan and accepted it telling her its okay and like that they broke up. driving around i felt a wave of sadness hit when the song steve and i would listen to while blasting music. tears spill down my face as i drive home. once i make it home i calm myself down and wash up when i suddenly hear the doorbell go off. walking over i open the door seeing the infamous billy hargrove “ hey their doll face i was wondering if you’ve seen my little sister max i know that you tutor some of her friends so i was wondering if you could help me figure out where the byers house is” he says licking his lips seductively “ yeah i could take you their and help you look for your little sister just let me grab my stuff “ i say looking at him.” after getting to the byers house i stay in the car until i see steve walk out confused at why he is their. everything happened so fast punches were thrown and now i’m driving the kids to this random area in hawkins. steve wakes up and sees me driving confused at how he ended up in this situation. getting to the destination steve and i talk while the kids grab everything. in the car they explained everything that happened in thus far with el , will, the upsidown , and etc. “ we broke up” steve says looking at me “ what why are you okay” even if we weren’t close anymore i didnt want him to feel like he had no one. “ she likes jonathan and the night of the party she called our relationship bullshit and i accepted it since i-“ dustin cuts him off by yelling at him how we didnt have enough time.
getting the kids out of the tunnels one by one steve was just about to help me up when he grabbed onto me tightly in a protective matter when the demo dogs ran toward us. watching as they ran past us he told me” i lost you once and i’m not gonna lose you again”getting out of the tunnels i was able to fully process everything that happened and once el closed the gate and steve and i were finally alone he broke the silence “ i love you y/n i never ment to hurt you and i’m sorry.” speechless i sit their “ steve i know you loved nan-“ he cuts me off “ after our first fight i knew she loved jonathan and i guess i couldn’t believe it till she called our relationship bullshit and i love you so much y/n and it was stupid of me to not tell you earlier” “ i love you too steve but what you did hurt me i mean you completely forgot about me” “ i know y/n but could you give me a second chance i’ll make it up to you... could i take you on a date and patch everything up” i really didn’t want to forgive him but i couldn’t just abandon him because i needed him i loved him and he loved me “ i would love that steve “ i say looking at him with love in my eyes and a smile plastered on my face.
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sleepysnk · 3 years
Text
i finally got around to making some skater!eren fics. i hope you all enjoy ♡!
Skater Guy
Pairings: Skater!Eren Jaeger x Fem!Reader
Warnings: marijuana usage, vaping, mentions of alcohol
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"Where are we going now?!"
"You'll see! It'll be fun!"
(Y/N) groaned as her roommate Sasha dragged her throughout the party house they were at. 
Sasha was always the party girl, whenever she needed someone to go with she always dragged her roommate into going with her. (Y/N) didn't have an issue with it, but some of the things Sasha liked to do weren't exactly her cup of tea. Of course, being the supportive person and friend she was, she always came with; plus who knows? Maybe she'd have some fun.
Sasha stopped in front of a door, (Y/N) had confusion written all over her face. "Uh.. what are we doing?" she asked, nodding. 
Sasha knocked on the door. "Going in of course? Connie invited us up here," she replied, looking at her with a grin. 
The door opened and it revealed Connie along with Jean beside him. "Hey! Finally you two made it, come on in!" he said, moving out of the way so the two could enter. 
(Y/N) stepped in with Sasha, there was a strong odor of alcohol and marijuana that lingered in the air. 
"Good to see you (Y/N)!" Jean said, smiling at her. 
She looked at him, "It's good to see you too Jean, how is Mikasa?" she asked. 
He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, she's busy with school and all that other stuff. She's doing fine though," he shrugged, taking a sip from his beer. 
She nodded, taking a seat next to Sasha. "So what are we doing?" 
Sasha turned towards her, "Oh! So we're doing a smoke circle, you wanna join?"
Her face suddenly changed to a look of confusion, (Y/N) wasn't aware that this was what they were going to do tonight. She thought they'd just go out drinking, but smoking? She hadn't exactly tried it before. It'd be her first time.
"Uh.. Sasha I dunno, are you sure?" she asked, furrowing her brows. 
"Come on (Y/N)! At least try it, I know you'll like it," she said, placing her hand onto her shoulder. 
She leaned back in the chair, rubbing her temples. What was she going to get herself into? She wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of smoking with her friends, but there were unfamiliar people too, what if she did something embarrassing? 
"Is she good?"
Her attention averted to someone standing in front of her, it was a guy. 
"Yeah! She's fine Eren, it's just her first time," Sasha replied, a nervous smile on her face.
His green eyes trailed over to where (Y/N) was sitting, she felt intimidated by him, he was tall, had brown hair, these bright green eyes, and he wore really nice clothes. It almost reminded her of those guys she'd see on TikTok or Instagram. 
"Alright, well, Connie is getting the blunt rolled," he said, turning away from the two. 
She let out a sigh of relief as she watched the guy make his way towards Jean and the others. Who was this guy?
"Sorry about that (Y/N).. that's Eren, he's one of Connie's friends," Sasha said, looking at her apologetically.
She nodded, "It's fine, but Sasha seriously? I've never smoked and I don't know if I should do it.." she replied.
Sasha turned towards her, "You're gonna be fine, if you feel sick at all just leave the room, okay?" 
Before she could even reply, Connie and Jean came jogging over to the pair. "The blunt is officially rolled! Let's get started," Jean said, a smile on his face. 
(Y/N) swallowed thickly, her mind started to race and she could feel her stomach churning. 
"We'll go around in a circle, who wants the first hit?" Connie asked, holding the blunt into the air. 
"I'll go."
Everyone turned to see Eren holding out his hand for the blunt, in return Connie handed it to him along with a lighter. 
"Don't take two hits I know you like to do that shit," Connie said, plopping down next to Sasha.
(Y/N) watched as he held the blunt up to his lips, he flicked the lighter a few times before the end burned a bright red. She could see him inhaling the contents from the blunt, smoke poured from his mouth as he exhaled. 
"Whoever's next," he said, handing it to the person next to him; smoke still coming from his mouth as he spoke. 
She looked towards Sasha who was bouncing in her seat with excitement. "I cannot wait!" she smiled. 
(Y/N) secretly wished she could be excited right now, but being honest, she wanted to throw up and leave as soon as she could. At some point everyone would be watching her, it made her feel sick, almost like when she was in school and she'd get queasy doing a presentation for class. Only this time, she was smoking.
For some reason, she could feel someone's gaze on her; it was uncomfortable.
She turned her head to meet Eren's green eyes staring right at her. He sat directly across from her and his eyes didn't leave hers, even when she looked at him. She secretly wanted to ask what the fuck his staring issue was but she didn't want to make a scene, especially right now. 
She shook her leg and chewed her lip as the blunt got closer and closer to where she was sitting, and within a few minutes it was next to her, Sasha was taking a hit.
She made it look so easy, the way she just inhaled and blew it out of her mouth without a second thought made (Y/N) want to just get up and leave.
"Here ya go (Y/N)!" Sasha cooed, a lazy smile forming on her features.
She took the blunt from Sasha's hand, her wrist became shaky staring down at it. She could smell the marijuana coming from it, it was strong and the odor almost made her sneeze.
She held it up to her mouth and slowly inhaled, she could taste the drug on her tongue and feel it go down her throat to her lungs. Suddenly, things felt very slow, almost like time was slowed down. 
She felt fine for a good five or six seconds and that's when she felt the tickle in her throat, she coughed, letting any smoke that was in her mouth escape and flow into the air. 
"What a newbie!" Sasha said, giggling a bit. 
A few people in the circle laughed themselves, her cheeks burned from the embarrassment. "Whatever.." she mumbled, passing the blunt to Jean. 
She could feel the effects it had on her, her vision looked funny and she felt like she could take a nap right there. 
"You look so funny right now (Y/N), can you not handle it?" Sasha asked, looking at her. 
She snapped her head towards her. "Are you for real right now? Why do you have to embarrass me everytime this happens?" she asked, her tone sounding angry.
Sasha sat up a bit. "What? I didn't-" 
"Just save it, I'm going home, I shouldn't have come with you." 
(Y/N) stood up and grabbed her things, exiting the room she was previously in. She could feel holes being burned into her head as she left, even in her high state she was pissed at Sasha. It always happened and (Y/N) just wasn't having it at the moment. 
She exited the front doors of the house, the fresh air filling her lungs; it felt refreshing. Being in that stuffy room made her feel so trapped and not to mention that weirdo Eren guy was making her uncomfortable.
She found herself sitting on the curb, a few people passed by and laughed with their friends or cars picked them up. 
Her mind was clouded, she felt exhausted, and she just wanted to go home. Her night was totally ruined and she clearly embarrassed herself in front of everyone, it wasn't her fault she coughed. It was her first time and Sasha just made it worse, all she wanted to do was disappear from that room.
She squeezed her eyes shut a few times, her vision just wasn't focusing and she was surprised that she made it out of the house without falling on her ass or bumping into others. 
She felt her phone vibrate, she clicked it on and blinked a few times to see the messages on the screen; it was Sasha.
Sasha: y/n, i'm sorry :/
Sasha: please come back, i feel really bad..
She rolled her eyes, clicking off her phone, she didn't want to hear it right now. She couldn't even focus properly and she wasn't sure how the hell was she going to get home. 
"God.. why do I do this to myself.." she mumbled, rubbing her eyes. 
"Are you okay?"
She turned around instantly, that's when she was faced with the guy from earlier. Eren. He seemed to be concerned, almost frantic, it was almost like he was searching for her. 
"Are you following me?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. 
He rolled his eyes, "No? Well.. sort of, you stormed off and your friend didn't even go back for you. I decided to see what was up," he shrugged.
She watched him make his way towards the curb, she scooched away from him as he sat.
"Damn, I'm not going to do anything to you. I know we just met but I'm not that guy," Eren said, looking towards her. 
She laughed a bit, "Yeah.. I've heard that one before.." she muttered. 
He let out a sigh. "Look.. I'm trying to be nice and help you out, clearly your friend didn't have the common sense to come check on you, so I decided to," he said. "Plus, you're high and I'd hate for anything back to happen to you."
She finally lifted her gaze off the floor, she could see he had a skateboard beside him. It made her nod; he skates?
"Well.. I think I'll be fine, I just wanted to get out of here," she said, playing with her nails.
Eren chuckled a bit, "You're not fine at all, I could tell when you yelled at Sasha you weren't fine. At least tell me what's up," he replied. 
Well he's stubborn she thought, she kind of figured that there wasn't any way she was going to be able to get away from this guy. He seemed like the type who wouldn't let shit go until someone finally tells him what's going on, plus she wasn't exactly in the mood to argue. 
She sniffed a bit, "Sasha has always been the party girl, when we first met she dragged me to so many parties and it was starting to get crazy. She was the first person I got drunk with, skinny dipped with, hell, even got high with.." 
"And you're getting tired of that kind of lifestyle because you feel like Sasha always dips on you in the end," Eren said, raising his brows. 
She looked at him with surprise. "That's what it feels like to be honest.." she mumbled, placing her hand onto her calves. "She always embarrasses me with her jokes.." 
Eren shook his head, "Seems like Sasha has issues making you seem like you can't do certain things," he said. 
She laughed a bit, "I guess you could say that.. I love her dearly but it just made me so angry when she said that about me. It was my first time and I guess she just forgot that," she replied.
"I'd say you should talk to her about it, if she is really your best friend, she'd listen to what is bothering you. Trust me, I'm sure Sasha will be open ears," he said, placing his hand onto her shoulder. 
Her cheeks suddenly heated up from the contact, seeing Eren up close was definitely different than him just standing over her. She saw the rings he wore glimmering in the moonlight, she could also faintly smell the weed coming from his clothes. He also wore a chain with a small key at the bottom, it fit him so well. 
"I'm sure she will.." she replied, looking at the street.
Eren looked at his phone. "You got an Uber coming or something?" he asked, looking at her then back at his phone. 
She laughed, "No I actually don't.. I was going to call one before you came over."
He nodded, "Do you want to maybe.. get out of here? Not in a sexual way or anything! But you've had a shitty night and I'd like to make it a bit better," he asked. 
She stared at her shoes, she didn't exactly know how to respond to him. Would going with Eren be a good idea? She didn't exactly know him, but she didn't want to wait on the curb for an Uber and sulk all night about how mad she was. Plus, she was high and she didn't want to do something stupid. 
"What would we do?" she asked, looking at him. 
Eren looked at her with a nod. "Anything you want! But I do have one idea.." he said, shoving his phone into his pocket. 
She furrowed her brows, "And that is?" 
He turned and grabbed his skateboard. "Do you wanna learn? It's really fun and it'll be funnier since we're both a little high," he said, smiling at her. 
(Y/N) sat there for a second in silence, she could go home or she could go hangout with Eren and have a good time. Fuck it, why not?
"Yeah! Sure, let's go," she replied, standing up and dusting off any small stones that were on her bottom. 
Eren stood up himself, "Sounds good! Let's go down to the park, it's like right around the corner," he said. 
He took his skateboard and stuck it under his arm, (Y/N) trailed behind him as he made his way towards the sidewalk. 
"So um.. how long have you been skateboarding?" she asked, trying to ease the awkwardness between them. 
Eren looked at her with a smile. "I actually started when I was in high school, sports weren't exactly my thing, so I started to skate and I've been here ever since," he replied.
She looked at the ground, the leaves beneath her shoes crunching as she stepped on them. "That's cool.. you didn't seem like the skater type," 
"Anyone can be a skater, I just don't flaunt it like some people," he laughed. 
Her eyes averted his face, she could see the silver earrings he wore; a cross hanging at the bottom of the ring. It was silver and it shone in the moonlight. 
Eren reached into his pocket, pulling out a bright pink object. "Want some?" he asked, holding it out to her. 
She looked down to what seemed to be a vape, Sasha had always brought those home or she'd find them under her pillow. 
"No thanks, vaping isn't really my thing." she replied, looking forward. 
Eren nodded his head, holding the vape up to his lips; she watched him inhale the contents. A bright red light lit up at the end.
"So what is your thing?" Eren asked, blowing the vapor out of his mouth. 
She could faintly smell the odor of the juice. "What do you mean?" 
He looked towards her, "Well.. smoking isn't your thing, nor is vaping, so.. what is your thing?" 
She chewed her cheek, what was her thing? She hadn't ever thought about it before. Drinking? That sounded lame. Maybe her major? Again, lame. 
"I dunno.. I never really thought about it," she replied, shrugging. 
Eren began to make his way towards the grass. "Come, it's over here," he said, waving her over to him. 
She followed behind him as he led through the trees towards the park, she could faintly see a playground and behind it was a skating area with different drops and turns. She had always seen them in movies, but she never knew there was one this close to where she lived. 
Eren walked past the playground and stood before a drop that led into the whole thing. 
"So this is it huh?" she asked, coming beside him to look. 
Eren smiled, "Yeah, it is. I'm not gonna make you do this though, I gotta teach you slowly," he replied. He placed his skateboard onto the ground, his right foot pressing onto the board. "Let me show you how I do it,"
She backed up a bit to give him room, he used his left foot to push himself forward, within seconds he was moving slowly along the pavement. 
"It's all about balance, I remember my balance was shit, but after awhile you'll get used to it," he said, turning the board to move towards her. 
She nodded, "So kind of like a balance beam?" 
He chuckled, "Something like that, the only difference is you're moving and there's no padding at the bottom," he grinned. Eren slowed down to a stop in front of her, hopping off the board he looked at her. "Want to give it a try? I'll make sure you don't fall," 
She shook her head, placing her items on the ground and heading towards him. "So.. what do I do first?" she asked, looking down at the board. 
He brushed a few strands of his hair out of his face. "Start slow, don't try anything fancy or cool, just go at a normal pace." he replied. "Here.."
She looked down to see his hand outstretched for her to take. She could faintly see the tattoo on his knuckles, along with his silver rings. 
"Put your right foot on the board," he said, laughing a bit. 
She did what she was told, her legs feeling slightly wobbly from the moving board. "Okay.." she said, taking his hand. 
Eren's cheeks grew pink from the contact, her hand was so warm compared to his cold ones. "Good.. now we're gonna move slowly, it's important you don't freak out, or you'll fall over and hurt yourself. Got it?" he asked, nodding. 
She shook her head, placing her other foot onto the board. She could feel it swaying beneath her feet, her hands went to Eren's arms, she could feel his muscles flexing beneath his jacket. 
"Shit! Shit! I think I'm gonna fall!" she cried, gripping his sweater tighter. 
Eren's hands went to her waist. "Relax! (Y/N), I need you to relax. If you freak out, you'll fall on your ass, just breathe," he said, looking into her eyes. 
She swallowed thickly, her heart was racing and her legs felt like they were jelly. The idea of falling wasn't exactly the most thrilling thing ever, she didn't want to embarrass herself in front of him, especially since he totally saw her do it earlier in the smoke circle. 
"Just relax.. I'll slowly start moving you," he said. "You won't fall, not if I'm here," 
Her cheeks grew warm, he sounded so sweet and it started to put her body at ease. "Okay, okay, I think I got it," she said, taking a few deep breaths. 
The board began to move slowly down the cement ground, she squeezed the fabric of his jacket; almost like her life depended on it. 
"Like that.. you got this," Eren said, a smile forming on his face. 
He slowly walked down with her, making sure she wasn't going to fall off. "How many people have you taught?" she asked, looking at him. 
"Uh.. only you," he replied, chuckling a bit.
She looked at him, "Oh! Comforting!" 
He rolled his eyes playfully, "I'm joking.. I have taught tons of people. It's a long process you just have to trust, like right now," he replied. 
Slowly, Eren's grip on her waist loosened. She could feel her legs becoming slightly wobbly again, her hands were clinging to his arms still. 
"Where are you going?!" she asked, frantically looking at him. 
He smiled, "You gotta let go, I promise you won't fall," 
She scoffed as Eren took her hands off of his arms, the board going down the sidewalk a bit quicker this time. Suddenly, she felt like she had the confidence, almost like Eren letting go made her want to go faster. 
"Wait! This isn't that bad!" she yelled, smiling as the board went further down the sidewalk. 
Eren smiled watching her go down the sidewalk, he knew she could do it. "You got this!" he called back. 
He began to follow her down the sidewalk, he wanted to make sure nothing would go wrong; he'd get mad at himself if she got hurt. 
"You're doing really good!" he said, jogging up to her. 
She smiled to herself about it, maybe skating wasn't so bad? It was really fun and she got the hang of it pretty easily.. well not that easily. 
"Wait Eren.. how do I slow down?" she asked, looking towards him. 
He looked at the board and back at her. "Just put your right foot on the end of it," he replied.
She tried to lift her foot, but unfortunately, she got a little wobbly; the front of the board flew up and her left leg got caught. 
"Woah!" Eren said, putting his arms around her before she could hit the ground. 
Her back was pressed against his chest. "Shit.. I'm sorry," she said, looking at the ground. 
He chuckled, "You're good, don't worry about it," 
Eren helped her stand up straight. "Well that was embarrassing.. but it's really fun!" she said, smiling.
Eren liked seeing the excitement on her face, it made him grin, she seemed to be a really cool girl. "It is fun, I'm glad you liked it," he replied. "But we should get back, it's pretty late, not to mention that cops come around here later."
"Sounds good!" she nodded, making her way back to where her stuff was. 
Eren grabbed his skateboard off the floor and followed after her. "Do you have an Uber coming?" he asked.
She looked over at him. "Oh! No I don't, I might just walk back to the party and find Sasha."
He nodded, "I can walk you back," he replied. 
She smiled, "I'd love that."
Eren smiled before making his way down the path towards the house, he wasn't sure what time it was, but for some reason he didn't want it to end. He liked spending time with (Y/N), even though they just met, he felt like they had a genuine connection. 
"So.. do you go to Sina University?" she asked, looking at him. 
Eren nodded, "I do actually! Do you?"
"I do, I can't believe I've never seen you before though," she replied.
She rubbed her arms together which caught Eren's attention, she was wearing a tight black shirt with a skirt. 
"Here.." Eren said, handing her his skateboard. "Hold this for a second,"
She took the board from his hands and watched him remove his jacket, he held it out for her to grab. "Take it, you're freezing and I don't want you getting sick," he said, smiling. 
Her face heated up, "Thank you.." she took the jacket from his hands and draped it over her shoulders.
"It looks good on you," Eren said, eyeing her form. 
She giggled, "Sort of? It's really big though," 
Eren stopped in front of the house, many people still stood around outside talking and music still blasted from the inside. He assumed it probably wasn't too late if people were still around, unless they'd rather stay and get drunk.
"Well, this was.. something!" she said, looking up at him.
Eren laughed through his nose. "It was.. but I definitely enjoyed it. Even if we just met," he replied. 
"I'll see you around?" she said, nodding. 
"Yeah, see you around." he replied, clutching his skateboard in his hands. 
He watched as she began to make her way up the driveway, but something in him didn't want to just let her go. She was sweet, pretty, definitely one of a kind, and Eren didn't want it to be a one time thing. 
"Wait!"
(Y/N) turned around, confusion written all on her features. "Huh? What happened?" she asked, walking towards him again.
He looked away for a second, his cheeks growing pink. "Can I get your number? Snapchat? Anything? I really don't want this to be the last time I see you," he asked, rubbing the back of his neck.
Her surprised face turned into a happy one. "Of course, here, I'll put my number in," she replied.
Eren fumbled around for his phone, handing it to her as quickly as he could. He watched her press the different keys around to enter her number, his heart racing in his chest. 
"Here you go! I'll see you around Eren," she said, waving at him. 
Eren smiled as she walked into the house, maybe he'd have a skating partner sometime soon.
243 notes · View notes
jenohi · 3 years
Text
Let Me Love You
"Smoke and Mirrors keep us waiting on a miracle."
“My cousin Y/N is transferring here to SMU. My parents asked me to stay with her and take care of her, so she and I decided to share an apartment. I know we planned to stay here for all 4 years of college but my parents were adamant.” Taeil said to his friends apologetically.
Yuta got up from the table and scoffed. He would never openly admit it to anybody but in the past year he had gotten really attached to his friends, the members of their new secret society, NCT. After their first semester, they had agreed to rent a house together on the edge of campus that they would all stay in for the next seven semesters of university. “How old is she? 12? She’s a university student, why does she need to be babysat by you?”
The other members eyed Yuta wearily, he definitely had the shortest temper out of all of them. After a long pause, Taeyong decided on a resolution. “That’s okay Taeil, we understand. Just remember we’ll always have a room open for you. You’re still a member of NCT. Every Sunday at 8 we’ll still meet here if that works for everybody?”
Taeyong looked around the table and was satisfied when everybody nodded, the last person he saw was Yuta. Yuta wasn’t happy about this, but he knew it wasn’t really his place to tell his friend not to move out. So eventually, he nodded his head in agreement as well and Taeyong smiled. He didn’t see it but Taeil smiled and breathed a sigh of relief as well.
‘In all 21 years of my life, I have never met someone as infuriating as Nakamoto Yuta.’ You thought as you tossed the left over trash from your cousin and his teammate, friend? You weren't exactly sure what their relationship was. When the Moon cousins had initially agreed to share an apartment together in the city just outside their university, the last thing You expected was to have to deal with a constant stream of rowdy boys constantly going in and out of their apartment.
After piling all the leftover dishes into the sink, You turned on the faucet and began to start washing the dishes. You only looked up and smiled when Taeil spoke to you, about to leave their place “Hey Y/N, thanks for making us dinner. It was really yummy!”
Yuta didn’t say anything. He could sense that You always had some kind of edge against him. It bothered him a little bit, but not enough for him to do anything about it. Whenever he came to hang out with Taeil at his place, you usually stayed out of the way so although your presence may have been uncomfortable. It had never outright inconvenienced him.
Once the two had left, You made your way to the balcony of their apartment. You shrieked when you breathed in the remnants of the cigarette smoke in the air. You looked down to see two cigarette butts in the ashtray that had not been properly snuffed out. You picked them up and tossed them on the ground and stomped on them to snuff them out.
You didn’t have an issue with smoking, you even smoked a cigarette or two in the times you were most stressed out but there were few things you hated more than the smell of cigarettes. After snuffing out the butts, you stormed back into the apartment and picked up your phone to call Taeil.
“Hey, I thought I told you to make sure you take care of the cigarettes and the smell when you’re done smoking them!” You yelled into the phone as soon as your cousin answered. “Look, I don’t have an issue with it, but I don’t want to accidentally burn down our entire apartment complex and you know I hate the smell when you smoke too much.”
You stopped your rant when you realized your cousin hadn’t said anything. Taeil was sweet and usually he would have said something to apologize by now. You looked down at your phone, his name was on the caller ID. You brought the phone back up to your ear “Taeil?”
“Not Taeil. This is Yuta.”
“Yuta? Where’s Taeil? Why are you answering his phone? Can you put him on the line?”
There was a pause, You could hear vague mutterings from the phone before Yuta’s voice was back on the line. “Taeil’s busy right now.”
You heard a groan that sounded like someone got hit and then a bunch of voices that followed in an ‘ooh’. Then you heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like your cousin scream. “Is that Taeil? Is he okay?”
“I’ll let him know you called. I gotta go now. Bye.” Yuta said quickly, trying to end the conversation.
“Wait!” You shrieked before he could hang up. “What’s going on? Where are you guys?”
You narrowed your eyes as you heard Yuta scoff into the phone “your cousin Taeil is a grown-ass man. You don’t have to worry about him alright?”
“But-”
“Are you busy tonight?”
“What?”
“There’s a party tonight at my house. Come, starts at 11:30 PM.”
“No, I don’t want to go to a party. It’s a Tuesday! Is Taeil okay? That sounded like him earlier.”
“If you want to check on your beloved cousin, come to my party. He’ll be there. Loosen up a little bit, it’ll be fun.”
“Um, I’ll think about it.”
“Great.” Yuta said, hanging up before You could say anything else. You stared at your phone, what in the world had just happened? You looked at the clock to see that it was 10:30. You had an hour to decide if you would actually go to the party or not. Who else was going to be there?
You didn’t know very many people since you had just transferred to SMU, so maybe it was a good idea to go to this party and socialize a little bit. You could take the opportunity to potentially make some friends.
Just as You was about to finish touching up your make-up, your phone pinged. You picked it up to see that it was an address from an unknown number. You tapped on the address to see where it was, as you were doing so, you saw a notification of another message. ‘This is Yuta btw.’
The house was on the very edge of campus and close enough that you could just walk there. You were surprised to see that there were already crowds of people both inside and outside the house. There were colorful lights flashing from outside the house.
‘How the heck am I actually supposed to meet anybody like this?’ You asked herself. You took a deep breath and made her way up the stairs and into the packed house. You threaded through the crowd of people dawdling in the foyer, pushing her way to find some space. Eventually, you made her way into the kitchen and breathed a sigh of relief once you had some space to herself.
There was a whole bunch of opened bottles of alcohol and stacks of cups laid out on the island in the middle of the kitchen. You moved closer to the island and started reading the labels of the bottles. In Germany you didn’t go to very many parties, if you wanted to drink you would just go to the bar and order a beer. But you didn’t see any kind of drink you recognized here.
“Do you need help?” a melodic voice asked her. You turned around to see a fairy like girl approach her. You didn’t say anything as the girl grabbed the cup from her hand.
“Do you like Coca Cola?” the girl asked. You nodded and you grabbed a large glass bottle and started pouring the liquid into the plastic cup and then you grabbed the large bottle of Coca Cola resting on the island and poured it into the cup before handing the cup back to You.
“I’m Selena by the way.” Now that You could see her up close, she really did look like a fairy. You didn’t comment on the fact that her hair seemed kinda messy or that her lipstick was obviously smeared.
“Nice to meet you Selena, I’m You.”
Just as Selena was about to respond, a pair of arms wrapped around her waist effectively cutting off the conversation. You were shocked to see that it was Taeil who had his arms wrapped around Selena, he was currently whispering something into her ear that made her giggle.
When Taeil looked up, his eyebrows jumped up to see You standing there. “Hey Y/N, I didn’t know you were coming.”
“Uh yeah, it was kind of last minute. Yuta invited me actually.”
At this, Taeil’s eyebrows rose even higher. He knew that the two had always been at odds with each other. “Yuta?”
As if he were summoned by the devil himself, Yuta appeared in the kitchen. He strode over to the other side of the kitchen island and started digging through the bottles. Cursing when he couldn’t find whatever bottle he was looking for. He paused when he spotted the drink in You’s hand.
“What are you drinking?” he asked. His eyes looked up, one side of his lips pulling up into a smirk when he recognized You. “So the prissy princess finally decided to show her face to the lowly commoners.”
“I’m not a prissy princess.” You said. You looked down at your cup and then over at Selena, you had no idea what drink the girl had made for you.
“Sorry Yuta. I used the last of the rum to make her a rum and coke.” Selena said, a smirk painted on her face. You tried not to appear too nosy when you looked over at Selena to see her leaning into Taeil. Did Taeil have a girlfriend that You didn’t know about?
It was obvious that Yuta was dissatisfied. He stared you down and when you finally turned your attention to him, he looked down at the drink. “Are you going to drink that?”
You looked down at the cup again, startled, then looked back up at Yuta. “Uh, yeah but you can have some if you’d like.”
You handed him your red solo cup over the kitchen island. Yuta plucked it from your hand and took a slug of it before dropping it back into your hand. “It's good. Try it.”
He drank a lot, half of the cup was empty. You lifted the cup to your face and took a sip, you tried not to make a face as you tasted the bitter rum. This is what people drank at parties?
“What do you think?”
“It’s alright.” You said. It tasted horrible and you didn’t want it anymore. But you didn’t want to offend Selena.
“Liar.” Yuta said, he scoffed as he grabbed the cup from your hands and drank the rest of it.
“I’m not lying!” You said, looking over to make sure you didn’t offend Selena. You were shocked to see that Selena and your cousin had disappeared. “Okay, maybe I lied a little bit.”
Yuta tossed his head back and laughed. “Loosen up. You look so uncomfortable. This is a party, go have fun.”
“I’ve never been to a party before. Everyone is already so...drunk.” You said.
Suddenly everything made sense to Yuta, why the darn girl was always so uptight and prissy all the time. He made his way around the kitchen island and stood in front of You before placing one arm on each side of you and leaning down “they didn’t have parties back wherever you came from?”
What was he doing? You thought. You leaned back as far as you could, the expression on Yuta’s face was smug and you weren't sure what he was going to do. Out of all of Taeil’s friends, you heard that Yuta was the wildest and most spontaneous. “In Germany we just go to bars and drink beer. I’ve never gone to an event so...wild.”
“You think this is wild?” Yuta asked. “Have you checked out the basement yet?”
You shook your head. Yuta grinned, almost maniacally and grabbed one of your wrists and tugged you behind him, pulling you through crowds of people. Unlike how you had to push your way between groups of people earlier, the crowds seemed to part for Yuta and wherever he went eyes followed him.
Instead of pulling you downstairs like you expected, he pulled you up a set of stairs and pulled you into an empty room. You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down. Both You and Yuta could tell that you had been tense and uncomfortable since you had stepped into the house.
“Pick your poison.” Yuta said, pulling open a fridge he had set aside in the corner of his room. “These are all my drinks. This is the good stuff that we don’t share at parties.”
“Wow, you’re letting me have exclusive access?” You said, in an almost mocking tone. Yuta raised an eyebrow.
You bent down to look to see what was in the fridge. You smiled in delight when you saw your favorite brand of beer. You grabbed a bottle and held it against the edge of the fridge and smacked the top with your hand to take off the cap. Yuta didn’t say anything but he was impressed, this was the first time he had seen You behave this way.
Yuta couldn’t say anything when You tossed your head back to take a sip of beer. You made it look like a beer commercial. After a couple more delicate sips, Yuta grabbed one of your arms and pulled you close so that you stood in between his legs and your ear was right up against his mouth.
“Chug it.” he said. You looked at him with your eyebrows raised. Yuta raised his eyebrows in return.
You shouldn’t chug it. That would be unclassy. You thought. But why did you kind of want to? You looked Yuta in the eyes and narrowed your eyes, what was he playing at? The corner of Yuta’s lips pulled up into his trademark smirk as he opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of the same beer and used his teeth to pop the top off.
Yuta pulled the bottle you drank from out of his hand and replaced it with the one you just opened. He put your already opened one on the desk and grabbed another one before biting on the cap again and spitting out the cap. He clinked the two newly opened bottles together, and lifted his bottle up to his lips.
“I’ll do it with you.” Yuta said.
With the bottle at his lips, Yuta gave you the most taunting expression. He was challenging you, and You never refused a challenge. You brought your bottle to your lips and started pouring the beer back down your throat.
Yuta was both mildly surprised and mildly amused to see how quickly You had finished your beer. In fact, you had finished your bottle before he had finished his. As soon as you finished your first bottle, he picked up the bottle you drank from earlier that was sitting on his desk and handed it to your.
You gave him a look before placing down the bottle you had finished and taking the one you had drank from earlier and tossing it back down your throat as well.
Two beers wasn’t enough to get you blackout drunk. But it was certainly enough for you to start feeling a buzz.
Yuta waited for you to finish your second beer and once you did he took the bottle from you and grinned at you. You grinned back like a loon and with a satisfied grin Yuta grabbed your wrist again and pulled you behind him.
This time, he did pull you down to the basement. And it was wild. It was dark and the lights were colorful. There were people everywhere and this time people did not part for Yuta. People were dancing, or wobbling goofily. The sight was amusing.
You didn’t even notice that you had let go of Yuta’s hand. You found yourself swaying along to the loud beats of the song. You didn’t know who was around you or exactly where you were but you were having fun. Honestly, it was kind of gross as it was super hot and there were at least 5 people pressed up against you but never had you let herself experience this kind of situation.
Yuta cursed when he noticed that You were no longer with him. You would be fine on your own right? He needed to find Taeyong and take care of some things really quick.
You spotted Taeil near a makeshift bar and grinned, you pushed through the people and made your way over to him grinning. He grinned back and waved at you. When you were close enough, he approached you “are you having fun?”
You nodded, dancing along to the beat. “I didn’t think I would but I’m actually enjoying this. I could use a drink though, it’s kind of hot down here.”
Taeil nodded and brought out another red solo cup. “The only thing we have down here is jungle juice. It’s pretty much just cheap wine with juice, but it does the job.”
You took a sip and was delighted to find that it tasted pretty much just like juice and you drank the rest of the cup and before handing it back to Taeil for him to refill. The surprise was evident on his face “I didn’t know you liked these kinds of events. I should have invited you earlier.”
“No it’s okay. I’ve never really been to an event like this before and I don’t think I’d like it. But today I am loosening up.” You declared. You grabbed the cup and wandered off into the crowd of people.
The alcohol was starting to hit you and the people around you were starting to blur. You suddenly felt nauseous when you felt someone grab you by the wrist and jerk you around. When you looked up you saw that it was Yuta.
“Yuta!”
“What’s that in your hand? Where did you get that?” he asked. He tried to grab the cup from you but you kept moving it away from him. “Don’t you know you’re not supposed to accept drinks from strangers? Are you stupid?”
You shoved him away, shocked into sobriety by his words. You moved to walk away from him. You thought maybe you had read Yuta wrong and maybe he wasn’t so infuriating but actually he was infuriating and a jerk.
Undeterred, Yuta followed you and grabbed your again. This time he did manage to grab the cup from your hands and he tossed it in a trash can that was sitting in the corner of the basement.
“Hey! What are you doing?” You shrieked.
“What are you doing? Where did you get that drink? It could be roofied.” he yelled.
“What is your problem? I got that from Taeil. You know? My cousin?” You yelled back. This time Yuta had no words. You rolled your eyes and scoffed, you placed both hands on his chest and leaned close to speak in his ear.
“Get lost.”
You used both hands to push him back into the crowd and stepped away from him. You found the staircase that led you back to the main floor and made your way up. This isn't fun anymore. The party was over. Taeil was fine.
“What’s your problem?” Yuta yelled from behind you. You whirled around him and stomped back to him and stood so that you were standing right in front of him nose to nose.
“No. What’s your problem? You invited me to this party. You gave me a drink too! Why are you overreacting over Taeil giving me a drink?”
He followed you out of the NCT house. “Aw, did I make the prissy princess upset? I’m so sorry. Whatever will I do?”
“What’s wrong with you?” You screamed once you were both far enough from the NCT house. You were incredibly irritated, tired, and frustrated.
“What do you have against me? Ever since you’ve arrived at SMU all you’ve done is be such a bitch. To me. And specifically me. Trust me, I’ve noticed.”
You paused. You didn’t realize that Yuta had noticed. You looked away and tried to think of what to say. You couldn’t come up with the right thing to say so you just settled with “sorry.”
“Sorry? You think I’m gonna let you get off with a sorry?” Yuta scoffed. He walked up to you this time, and looked down at you.
“What do you want then?” You asked, not backing down.
“You.” Yuta said, and for a moment it was dead silent. Then Yuta threw his head back and cackled. “That’s what you thought I was gonna say right?”
He didn’t even notice that you had turned around and stormed off back towards the direction of your apartment. He followed you back to your apartment, but he didn’t bother to chase after you. He strolled casually back towards your apartment jingling your keys in his pocket.
As soon as you reached your apartment and reached into your pocket for your keys you cursed when you realized they weren’t on you. You patted your other pockets and fished out your phone hoping that Taeil was still awake. You dialed his number.
“Looking for these?” You heard Yuta say from behind you as he jingled your keys in front of your face.
Just as you reached up to snatch them from him, he moved to hold them behind his back.
“Give those back to me. I want to go home and sleep. This night sucks.”
“No.”
You whined. “Why?”
“Tell me what I did wrong.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry for being a bitch can I have my keys back?”
Yuta looked unimpressed.
“Fine. I’ll tell you why I’ve been rude to you, but can we do it inside? You’ll probably think it’s really stupid once you hear.”
“Okay. Move.”
You moved away from the door, and watched as he unlocked the door and pushed it open. You stepped inside when he gestured for you to go in. He stepped in after you and shut the door behind you both as you both took off your shoes and stepped into the apartment. Once the two of you were situated on opposite ends of the couch facing each other you spoke.
“The first few times you visited our apartment I got the impression that you were upset with me. That you didn’t want me around. So naturally, I decided to act back. Plus, whenever you come here you and Taeil leave this place a mess. The other guys either clean up after themselves or it’s not so bad and Taeil cleans it up himself.”
Yuta didn’t say anything for a few moments. “The truth is, I didn’t want you here. At first.”
“Great.” you said, turning away from him and getting up from the couch. “Get out.”
“Wait.” Yuta said, grabbing your hand before you could leave. “At first. At first, I didn’t want you here. The truth is your cousin is awesome, before you came we and a few other guys lived together and they’re the closest friends I’ve ever had. We were, we are a brotherhood. And I was concerned about what you coming here and Taeil moving out would do to the dynamic of our friendship.”
“So what?” You asked, turning around to look at him. “What changed?”
Yuta didn’t answer and you were getting annoyed. So you tried to tug your hand out of his. But he didn’t let go. Instead when you tried pulling your hand out of his a second time, he pulled you forward, so hard you fell into his lap.
“I realized I was being really dumb. I realized that Taeil’s cousin is really cool and I started to get jealous that she treated all the other brothers better than me. Then...I started to develop feelings for Taeil’s hot prissy cousin from Germany.”
You didn’t say anything as you were straddled on Yuta’s lap. His forehead was pressed against yours and you could feel his eyes looking at yours, trying to make eye contact you. But you were unsure of how to feel, you kept your eyes looking downward. How had things shifted so suddenly? What was this feeling?
Before Yuta could second guess himself he leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours. He stayed like that, holding his breath and hoping you wouldn’t push him away. When you lifted an arm around his shoulders and moved your lips against him he breathed a sigh of relief and wrapped his arms around your torso and pulled you in so that your bodies were melded together.
When you ran out of breath you pulled your lips from his and leaned back to catch your breath. Yuta moved one arm from your waist up so that his hand held the side of your head. You leaned your head into it and he leaned forward and began to kiss down from behind your ear to your collarbones.
“I-, we should stop.” you were confused and you were tired. How had things escalated so quickly?
Yuta stopped and lifted his head up. He moved his arm back down so that both arms tightly gripped your waist, holding you against him. You moved your hands to his biceps and tried to push yourself out of his grip. “Let me go.”
“Don’t you think that we should talk about it?”
“No. I want to sleep.” You said, still looking away from him and avoiding his gaze.
He lifted you up wordlessly, you gave up on trying to fight out of his grip and wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his shoulders. You tucked your face into his neck.
“Don’t fall asleep.” Yuta said as he fell back on your bed, still carrying you. “The way we are, we still have a million miles ahead of us.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Please, Yuta. I need to sleep and I need to think.”
You were saying one thing, but your face was still tucked into Yuta’s neck and your limbs were still wrapped around Yuta’s body.
“Can I stay?” Yuta asked quietly. The truth was, he was nervous and worried that he had come on too strong, that he had played his cards wrong. But he breathed a sigh of relief when he heard you say.
“Yeah.”
The last thing you heard as Yuta lifted both of you up and under the covers was “don’t you give up. Let me love you.”
156 notes · View notes
barzzal · 3 years
Text
when the ball drops
summary: out of all the times you wanted to bail, for once you were certainly glad you didn’t ditch this year’s new year’s eve party.
↳ pairing: mathew barzal x you
↳ warnings: language, parties, drinking, flirty banters + a smitten mat (set in a pandemic free au)
↳ genre: fluff, meeting a total stranger, early 2000’s romantic/comedy typa thing (what i think at least)
↳ length: imagine; 5.9k
↳ masterlist: the barn
note: this is an entry for @hockeynetwork’s winter fic exchange and i was matched as @bqstqnbruin’s secret santa! i genuinely hope you get to enjoy this, boo!! i wanna thank a few mutuals, @tkachukme @calgarycanuck @pizzarandomness (esp @thirteenisles !!) for helping me out so i could get thru with writing this imagine! you guys are so nice i truly appreciate all of you. happy holidays & happy new year, everyone! 💕 (gif used: mine)
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Every year you swear to yourself that you would spend the New Year’s at home, eating a peaceful dinner by yourself and maybe enjoy a good bottle of wine whilst you spend the whole night watching The Holiday. But just like all the other years you have spent alone since you’ve moved to New York, you end up breaking that same promise, pretty much with the help of your two best friends Emma and Katie.
Now, instead of being curled up in your living room, wearing your favourite knitted sweater and away from all the New Year chaos happening all at once in the very best place to celebrate such a festive occasion, here you are, getting your second glass of vodka tonic as you wait for the goddamn ball to drop.
The local bar has always been crowded especially during this time of the year. You and your friends already made it an annual thing which is probably the reason why despite the yearning you have for the idea of spending it all alone, you couldn’t find enough courage to ditch them and disappear even just for one night. 
“Where are the girls?” Gavin, the owner of the bar whom you’ve already befriended due to the amount of times you and the girls spent helping him close up was busily wiping the counter when you sat in your usual seat.
You casually motioned your hand to where you left Emma and Katie, dancing with men they’d most certainly end up kissing once the clock strikes twelve. 
“Alone again? You’ve got to blow off some steam, y/n.” He greets you with a concerned look exuding from his virile exterior. You idly shake your head, giving him a tight smile to reassure him that you were doing okay. 
“It’s not that big a deal.” is the usual thing you say to people when your being ‘alone’ on the holidays becomes in question. “Besides, I’m a big girl, Gavs.” You proudly announce, leaning against the bar with your palm resting underneath your chin. 
“I know you’re a ‘big girl’.” He rolls his eyes before his gaze trails off to your friends and then landing onto a couple of young lads from across the room. “I’m just saying, loosen up. Meet people. It feels nice to have someone holding you close at night so don’t be too hard on yourself.” 
A snort bursts from you as soon as you hear the words leave Gavin’s mouth. Who would have known a guy as tough-looking as him would be too much of a softy underneath? 
“What?” He holds his guard as he continues making your drink. The liquid swirling around a few ice cubes and a shot of liquor. 
“Nothing, nothing. I just– I didn’t think you were one of those people.” You say, clearing your voice once you’ve finally gathered yourself. “You know, the sappy romantics.”
Gavin looks at you, giving you an ‘Oh, please.’ look. “No, ‘cause that’s where you’re wrong.” He protests. “I’ve always been this soft, “sappy romantic” kinda guy. You just choose to see me the way you see me; a typical macho man who hands you good drinks.” He pauses, finishing off with the last touches of your drink. “But you know what? That’s fine. ‘Cause that’s how I know you’re just like me.” He then slides the cold drink towards you. 
“What do you mean?” You were intrigued to be fair. You already had your head tilted to the side trying to piece something that could justify what he just said.
“That.” He looks at you, index finger circling before your eyes to make his argument even more compelling. “You act like a strong independent woman, which by the way you still are,– but you have to admit that you do want someone who’s gonna want to spend his New Year’s watching that dumb old movie of yours.” He says with a grin before he pours another customer a shot of tequila. 
You were sure you wanted to just shrug it off, but somehow, you can’t help but think of how his words hit you in the subtlest way. Each word bearing an insane amount of possibilities of him being right all along. 
But what’d he know anyway? It’s not like he knew you better than anyone else. Maybe it’s just his way with words. Or maybe he’s just that good. After all, that’s basically the reason why he’s running a goddamn bar, right?
𖥸
It wasn’t Mat’s first time spending New Year’s away from his family but if he only had a choice, he’d certainly take the next plane with no question. However, given how the team’s fight for the Cup is going stronger than the last season, he couldn’t bring himself to risk going away and missing out on his usual routines. So, for the past couple of weeks he’d let himself be stuck with Beauvillier throughout the holidays. 
Now, for the sake of festivities, the two decided it’d be best to come out to the city and have fun welcoming the New Year along with some good friends that were surprisingly available at the last minute. That being said, the local bar was already the third one they’ve gone to having started the drinking binge earlier than intended. 
“Happy New Fucking Year, Motherfuckers!” The loudest and perhaps, the drunkest man cheered at the center of the dance floor, holding up his drink carelessly as he danced to the mind numbing EDM coming off from the DJ’s booth. 
“Way to get wasted. Am I right?” Dan says as he stands to gather everyone and clink their beer mugs for the nth time. 
“Somebody’s definitely gonna miss the ball drop.” Tito snides, referring to the drunken man cheering tirelessly. Mat shakes his head and idly laughs. Their glasses meet halfway, causing some of the beer to spill over the table. The loud music and cheers echoed in Mathew’s ears, finding the whole scene a little too overwhelming despite how he liked to loosen up with bottomless drinks coming his way. 
Somehow, he was thankful that he needed a second to breathe which only meant having to take his eyes off of the same guys he hangs with on and off the ice. Because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have been able to see someone so beautiful yet seemingly out of place when his gaze landed onto that one girl sitting by the bar all by herself at what seems to be the loudest pub in the city. 
“God, she’s pretty.” The words unknowingly slip off his tongue, making him realize he’s announced his thoughts out for the group just enough to make their brows quirk at the now out-of-reach Mathew.
“What?” Anthony leans closer to him so as to give himself a view of what Mat had his eyes peeled for. 
“That girl by the bar, she’s— she’s really pretty.” Mathew says, completely sure that he has never said anything true in his life. Much to his surprise, the boys gathered around and turned their heads towards the girl sitting by the bar. 
“So? Go and talk to her, man.” Anthony casually proposes with a nudge, urging him to go after her. 
Mathew immediately lets out a foolish scoff and chooses to gulp a large amount of liquor from his mug. 
“Yeah, just go for it. What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Tyson chides, looking at the girl who has utterly made their night a little more interesting. That being said, being stuck with the three biggest blokes wasn’t that too interesting to begin with. 
“Oh, worst thing? She could hear me!” Mat runs a hand through his hair, incapable of taking his eyes off of her even just for a second. 
“You know if you don’t, I will.” Tyson puts his beer down and acts as if to make the move Mathew was too hesitant to do himself in order to boost his mate.
“Fuck off. Fine. Hold my beer.” Mat rolls his eyes and shoves Tyson his mug before gathering himself by straightening creases off his suit along with a few sharp breaths to ease out the nervousness he’d been feeling.
You watch the teeny tiny leaf of mint swirl around the whirl of liquor you’ve successfully made, ignoring all the background noise, still evidently fixated on the words Gavin has left you with earlier. Has it really been that long since you allowed yourself to be fully vulnerable around someone? 
A sad smile escapes your lips, one that made the man that was now towering all over you wonder what could have possibly caused such melancholy on the most beautiful girl he has seen all throughout the city. That’s a rather heavy way to put it but that doesn't mean he was lying. He did find you really pretty. Maybe even a little too much and too out of his league.
A tap on your shoulder pulls you from your thoughts.
“Hi.” He says, gray eyes illuminated by the strobe lights hitting your direction. You give him a tight smile, acknowledging his presence and frankly even the boldness he had to strike up a conversation. 
“I just wanted to ask if what you’re drinking is any good.” Mat subconsciously reprimands himself for coming up with what is yet to be the lamest thing he’s ever told a girl. 
Great. Now, you’re asking her if a vodka tonic is good? As if it could get any better? He thinks to himself. So, to compensate and reduce further damage, he plays it off by laughing quite sheepishly as he absent-mindedly massages his nape.
Noticing what the man was doing, you let out a shy laugh too, biting your lower lip as you find his foolish attempt of hitting on you quite adorable.
“Wow. You’re really good at this.” You tease, now giving away a playful smile, poking at his middle school pick up line. 
Mathew chuckles. His doe eyes shy and alienated by the confidence he certainly knew he had not until a few seconds ago when he met yours. “I swear I’m better than this.” He tries again, this time earning himself a soft giggle from you.
Atta boy, Mat. 
“I’m Mat by the way. Mathew Barzal.” 
He reaches out his hand which you gladly took. It was calloused and rough around the edges whilst Mat found yours completely fitting in his. Your eyes meet halfway as you both shook each other’s hands. Fingers lingering quite longer than it should be.
“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.” 
“So, you’re telling me you haven’t had a tonic before?” You ask him, hands now all to yourselves. Mat leans against the bar, his elbow resting on the counter, unable to suppress the embarrassment now dawning on him upon remembering his little set back.
“I’m sort of a vodka tonic connoisseur.” He kids in an attempt to redeem himself. “Come on, it wasn’t that bad.” 
You look at him, shaking your head at how unbelievably gorgeous this man is. “Fine. It wasn’t. I’ll give you that.” 
“So,” He takes a deep breath before taking one of the empty seats beside you. “I– I can’t help but wonder, I mean– if it’s not too forward of me, how come you’re drinking alone on New Year’s?” 
You take a sip off of your drink and faintly shake your head, dismissing his query. “Hmm. Actually, no.” 
Mathew muttered an “oh.” at the thought of hearing what he thinks you’re about to say next. To his surprise, and frankly feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his chest, you motion towards your best girls, Emma and Katie who were now obviously way too fond of the guys they just met.
“See those girls?” 
Mathew nods, the answer to his question now becoming much clearer and put together. An answer that absolutely went along with his cards well. 
“Those are two of the most important persons in my life going at it at a New Year’s Eve Party.” 
“Would it be wrong to ask why aren’t you ‘going at it’ like how they’re doing it now?”
Is he always this formal? You think, lips curving to a grin. 
“What?” He asks when he sees the expression (he can’t quite put a finger on) on your face.
“Nah. I’m all good. I mean, not that I don’t want to. I just–” You pause. Unsure of whether telling him the truth would do your case any better. What’s there to lose anyway? He’s just some guy you’re bound to meet at the bar. It’s not like you didn’t anticipate a scenario like this from happening, right?
“Just take me as someone who isn’t really fond of big parties,” he then cuts you off and finishes your sentence, “But still go anyways.” 
“Exactly.” 
Gavin pops in for a bit, handing Mathew a bottle of beer he was certain of not ordering. He looks at him puzzled. A silent question that Gavin answered with a wink before getting back to tending to his alcohol induced customers. 
Apparently, it’s on the house.
“How come you’re here chatting with me when your friends are all the way there?” You motion towards a curly haired man and the other boys across the room. One was even smiling at you but you just opted on giving him a nod before turning your head back towards Mathew.
“Well, I didn’t like the idea of having you celebrate the New Year’s alone.” He honestly says. But since you were the kind of person who wasn’t the best at taking any type of compliment nor flirty exchanges like a normal person would, you roll your eyes and be the blunt person you were always known for. “Oh. I thought you saw a girl sitting alone at the bar and saw that as an opening.” 
To be fair, Mat wasn’t really intimidated by your remark. In fact, he actually liked how straight forward you were with him. You didn’t look at him the way he’s gotten used to whenever he comes up and introduces himself to other girls; something that only made him more interested in you. He can’t help but want to know what exactly is going on in your mind. Not the creepy kind, of course. Just the one where he’d rather spend the New Year’s getting to know a total stranger than getting insanely pissed with the same men he’s spent most of his days with.
“That too.” He admits, taking a sip off his beer without breaking his eyes off you. 
There was a sheer silence for a moment. The kind that Mat knew was much deafening than the booming sound of the usual dreadful New Year’s Eve Party. “So tell me,” Mat regains himself, catching your attention once again. “What would you rather be doing tonight? You know, if you hadn’t had to come out here.” 
He watches your lips quirk thinking about what it was that you actually wanted to do tonight. Then again, you only had one thing in mind. 
“I kinda wanted to spend it alone for the past three years.” 
“That long? How come?”
“Well, you know, for some peace and quiet. Maybe watch a movie or two.”
Like what he has been doing since the moment he’d gone to talk to you, he watches you run your fingers around the rim of your cold drink. Evidently immersed in your own thoughts from trying to piece out the real reason behind your grave wanting to spend the occasion alone. 
Turning the tables, you ask the same question back, “What about you? I mean, other than getting shit faced, what would you rather be doing?” 
Mathew takes a deep breath trying to suppress the longing he’s felt for the past few weeks. He just misses his family so much that he couldn’t help but wonder how they’re doing even if he’s constantly kept in touch with them hours before he’d gone out with the boys. 
“I’ll be with my folks. You know, all that usual family stuff.” He answers you shortly. 
You didn’t think much of what he’s told you so you just tell him the very thing that crossed your mind. “You know, it’s amazing how two people who didn’t even want to be here find each other just so they could bitch about not wanting to be here a little bit more.”
The two of you share a good laugh, utterly and undeniably enjoying each other’s company. It didn’t feel weird having to talk to a total stranger, let alone let them have bits and pieces of yourself that only enables them to put together an image of you that isn’t even as close to who you really are. Regardless of that notion, there was something about how Mathew connected with you, and how you connected with him. 
It was far from being the movie type of thing, but you have to admit, the remainder of the time you two have spent talking over a half empty bottle of beer and a glass of vodka tonic has definitely made the two of you feel this unexplainable wanting of having to learn more about each other. That being said, when all drinks were drunk till its last drop, Mathew couldn’t help himself from wanting to spend a bit more time with you. Maybe, even the whole night if you’d only let him. 
“D’you want to get out of here?” He shoots his shot as quickly as he could, afraid that losing even just a second would mean losing a night of spontaneity with you. 
You have long waited for a reason to miss the annual party. And if that meant having to wait three years just so you could stumble upon a tall and fairly handsome man that was going to save you from a dreadful evening, nothing would’ve felt as right as this if it weren’t for the push Mat had stored in his piercing eyes and mischievous grin. 
You didn’t have to give it much thought. After spending a whole hour exchanging little trivias of yourselves, Mat finally had it easy in making a riveting case. You sigh in defeat as you fish out a few cash from your purse and slide it into your tab. 
Excitement now exuding from Mathew, he bobs his brows up and down whilst he watches you roll your eyes once again for the hundredth time tonight. “I’m gonna hate you for this.” You tell him as you get off the bar stool.
Mat hurriedly signals Tito for his coat to which he was able to catch the moment he had tossed it towards his way. He then gets yours that was placed on the back of your seat before finally following you out towards the door.
“I highly doubt that.” 
𖥸
Mathew draped your coat over your shoulders, helping you to slip into it. You politely say your thanks and hold your purse close, your gloves gripping onto the leather as the two of you stroll the streets of New York, the winter breeze brushing on your cheeks with every stride you make. 
“So,” You begin, putting both of your hands inside your coat pockets. “Where are you taking me, Mat?” 
He tries to think for a second. The thought of not having a concrete plan for the night finally dawns on him. He clicks his tongue and breathes in the familiar scent of the city. Mathew looks around the block and spots the good old food truck he and the boys once tried when they were out for an away game with the Rangers. 
“How about New York’s finest burrito?” He points to where the truck was parked, clueless to how his sudden movement placed him inches closer to you. You didn’t notice it until you looked at him for his eyes were still pinned to where the truck was at. 
Mat’s eyes were pretty. That’s a known fact. But what you didn’t realize was how astonishing they are not until you got this close. You took in the sight sitting before you as fast as you could while he was still preoccupied like a five-year-old kid seeing an ice-cream truck pass by the neighborhood. Your eyes linger from his well structured brows, his unbelievably long lashes, down to the tip of his nose and his rosy cheeks before finally settling down to his cherry plump lips. All of which were more than enough to send butterflies in your stomach. 
“O-Okay.” You agree. Mathew takes you by the hand before you can even say a word. Thank the gods for letting you live in a city that seems to never stop the hustle to still have open food trucks good for a quick bite at this time of the night close into New Year’s.
“Hey, bud. Two sixes to go, please.” Mathew says politely once he knocks on the window. 
“You’ve got to try this, I swear.” He looks back at you with the same warm smile beaming on his face.
“Unless you want a proper meal? I mean, there’s a diner down the–” You immediately cut him off and take out your purse, offering to pay for it instead. “No! It’s fine, really. I’m a bit hungry myself.” 
After spending the whole time waiting for the wrapped snack, arguing on who would be paying, you let Mathew have this one for now even if you didn’t like others paying for what you can pay yourself.
You take a good look at your watch and see that you only have about an hour left till midnight. An idea pops in your head, making you gasp at the thought. Mathew looks at you with a half-eaten burrito in his hand, his brows all furrowed as if to ask a piece of your mind. 
“Come on, I know where we should go.” 
𖥸
Mathew never thought he’d found himself standing on a rooftop of a random building overlooking the Empire State during one of the coldest times in the city. The things that has only kept him sane was the girl who was still holding his hand, the city lights that have always left him in awe, and of course, the well heated rooftop.
There have been a few exchanges that are quite notable over the time you’ve spent with Mathew. He’s told you about the usual night outs he and the boys have for leisure, the family he had back in Coquitlam, how much he misses his mom and his sister, and how much love he has for hockey that he ended up doing the thing he loved most for a career. 
Him, on the one hand, pretty much learned the same stuff about you. Well, almost, for he has yet to ask you the one thing that has been bugging him off all night. 
You were telling him how this was your safe haven in the city and how much you loved going here every time you felt like needing to take a deep breath and step back from the world when he asked you a simple question. One that’s absolutely left you surprised (and a little bit impressed) that he still even remembered it at this point. 
“What’s the movie about? You know, the one you’ve been wanting to see tonight.” He asks, both of his hands inside his pockets to keep warm. 
The two of you sat on the bench facing thousands of lights illuminating the whole city. You look at him for a second, biting your lip as you contest with yourself, the thought of Mat being the kind of douché that would shit around women and their romantic comedy films comes rushing to you like a cold December breeze. 
“Alright, why do you want to know?” You pass the ball back to his court. To which Mat shortly answers with a level-headed sigh. “I kinda get the feeling it has something to do with the three-year thing.” 
“You’re nosy.” You kiddingly say, earning a chuckle from him. 
“You’ve spent the whole night walking with me and I can barely even feel my legs anymore, y/n. Trust me, between you and me, you know you’re the nosy one.” The two of you share a small laugh, your voices are the only sound that can be heard besides the sleepless city acting as a white noise to you and Mathew’s little bubble. 
“Fine. And you’re a fucking athlete, so don’t even start.” 
You playfully give him a nudge on the shoulder when he starts mimicking what you say. Mat stops immediately and looks at you with the same doe eyes glinting under the security lights that the rooftop had. He then patiently waits for you to gather your thoughts, breathing in all of New York as he lets himself drown in your presence. 
You didn’t know how but there was this unspeakable comfort you feel around Mat. Sure, he was just a total stranger you’ve met a few hours ago, but no one, not even the guy who dumped you after your five-date rule, was able to connect with you at the same level as Mathew did. 
“It’s not that I want to see it so bad. I’ve watched it for like– a reasonable amount before it became my comfort movie. Plus, it’s literally called The Holiday. Why wouldn’t you want to see it during the holiday?”
You tell him a bit more of how you’ve come into liking it, stalling him from the real reason why you wanted to celebrate the New Year’s alone. But you know, that even after all the circles you’re willing to go through just to keep Mat at bay, you’re bound to lose all your strings and resort to telling him in the end. You just hope you wouldn’t be making the same mistake you’ve made three years ago. 
You told Mathew about your on and off childhood sweetheart Claude who has always kept you high and dry throughout the years of being together. (That is if you were in fact together.) He was the constant reminder that you will never be the kind of person someone would want to stick around with.
You and him go a long way. You both ended up going to the same university because he just had to have you around and that he couldn’t afford not being with you even just for a second. He said that he couldn’t take the thought of having to see you only on the holidays so as the dumb kid you once were, your feet followed his everywhere he’d gone.
That cycle went on and on until you finally had the courage to leave everything behind and move to New York. Months as a new kid in the city, you were scared, of course. You spent your days hanging around your apartment, doing all sorts of crap you can even think of just so you wouldn’t have to leave your flat. Although, meeting Emma and Katie was the biggest push you needed to finally let yourself let loose. Long story short, at the first New Year’s Eve Party you’ve ever gone to after moving in the city, the person you least expected to see was the very first one to come out of Gavin's bar. Claude.
Just like what a normal person would do, the two of you sat down and caught up. Pretty much the same thing you’ve gone with Mathew. Although only a lot less chit chat and a lot more kissing.
Claude told you his real intentions. He said that he wanted to start something with you for real. Of course, you had let him but you have made the biggest mistake of telling him about your five-date rule.
Lo and behold, Claude did stick around for the fifth date. That being said, he had stayed only for the fifth date. You saw him sneaking out of your flat so early in the morning, leaving you nothing but a voicemail that said his foolish reasons and insincere apologies. Since then, after a lot of major hook ups here and there, you’ve never let yourself become as vulnerable and stupid as you once were with the biggest douche you’ve ever met.
“It’s crazy, I know. You can laugh about it.” You say when Mat hasn’t spoken for a few seconds. 
He takes a glance at you, a tight smile on his face. “I don’t think it’s crazy. That man is crazy. And also, a big prick. Classic dick move.” He tells you before he turns his eyes back to the city.
“Well, yeah. That’s me. That’s the holiday story.” 
“A crappy one, of course.” You add. 
Mat shakes his head no. He didn’t know why exactly but all he wanted to do at that moment, a few seconds before New Year’s, was to give you something,– even just a memory you could look back on. That that story isn’t going to be the one you’d be remembering for the next holidays. He wanted his to be something that’ll make your three-year-old crappy story long gone and forgotten. That his version would be the one that’s stuck.
“Definitely not this one.” 
As the clock strikes twelve, cheers erupted throughout New York along with fireworks shooting into the city’s midnight sky. The first thing you see upon looking back were the same kind eyes of the man whom you have randomly met at the party you dreaded most. Only this time, drowning you little by little as it becomes iridescent under the thousands of lights covering New York City.
You were frozen to your seat as Mat’s face inch closer to yours. You feel his breath against your cold skin as if it was lulling you to sleep. His hands find its way to your face, cupping both of your cheeks rather gently as he finally paints a new memory you’d be carrying for the rest of your holidays. 
“Happy New Year.” He greets you, almost like a faint whisper whilst the two of you gasp for breath. You blink a few times just to process what had just happened and digest how unbelievably good that kiss was. 
Mathew’s hands were still on your cheeks. You held them close so he’d know you weren’t ready to let go. You take a deep breath, gathering enough courage to ask him an unusual way of greeting someone a Happy New Year. 
“Will you walk me to my car?”
𖥸
You have both of your hands tucked inside your coat pockets as you walked the street leading to where you left your car. Mat was just telling you about the game happening next Thursday against the Bruins and how it would mean a lot to him if you’d come and see him play. 
“To be fair, the Bruins are good.” You commented, a playful smirk plastered on your face rather teasingly. 
Mathew lets out a snort as he rolls his eyes, chuckling at the thought of you dissing on his team the moment you had the chance. “Hey, both teams are good.” 
“It’s just the matter of who’s better.” You finish his sentence, yet again working your way with a clever remark. Mat hums, not necessarily agreeing with your sentiment. 
“So will you come?” He asks again just so he could hear you say yes. You take a deep breath, not letting yourself think too much of the said invitation. If you’re going, you’re going as a friend. Actually, you weren’t even sure if you could even call yourself such a label.
You nod your head yes to which had become the reason of Mathew’s glee. The two of you walked side by side in peace, basking in the comfort of each other’s presence. 
Once the rush of excitement about you coming to one of his games starts to wear down, Mathew begins to feel the weight of walking befall on him as it grows quicker with each step he takes. With his brows meeting halfway, he looks at you, eyes evident with confusion. 
“Where did you park your car exactly? I feel like we’re walking straight to Long Island.” He chortles, scratching his temple quite adorably.
You bit your lower lip as you looked up at him. Mathew’s physique towering over yours. “I uh– I took a cab to the party. My car’s actually parked outside my apartment.” You admit with a shy laugh.
Mat’s mouth went agape upon hearing you confess; awkward silence envelops the two of you with every second spent not talking to one another. Not long after, he decides to break the ice, undeniably impressed at how he’d never seen it coming.
Clever. He thinks, incapable of stopping his gut from swirling. His smile widens when he sees you looking at him; unfazed and perhaps, enamoured. 
𖥸
Mat did walk you to your car. The two of you exchange your thank you’s; utterly grateful for what has to be the best New Year’s you had in years. 
You wanted to ask him for one last cup of coffee because the last thing you wanted him to do was leave. But after all the things you’ve gone through with the man within such a short amount of time (and frankly, even a tedious walk) you still failed to muster enough courage to stop him from doing so. 
Once you see him get in the lone cab that miraculously passed by your neighborhood at such an ungodly hour, you close the door behind and head straight to your flat. 
You get home to the sight of your weighted blanket spread over your couch along with a couple of pillows that seems to be the best place to bury yourself in after a tiresome night out. Things were just as they were left hours ago; prepped for a much awaited movie night. As planned, you quickly get out of your winter clothes, head for a quick shower, before finally slipping into some comfortable nightwear.
You were just finishing up putting the bowl of popcorn and a bottle of Chardonnay on top of the coffee table when a buzz coming from the intercom catches your attention.
Once your hands were free, you quickly made your way towards the box, a bit irked at the thought of Katie and Emma ruining your long-overdue New Year agenda upon remembering how she’d told you to let her in the building just in case Katie gets a little too overboard. 
“Emma, I’m about to watch Jude Fucking Law. Just come up!” You hurriedly say, turning your head back to the screen which already had the movie on pause. 
However, instead of Katie’s whiny and drunken voice, what you heard was the same familiar chuckle that had been cruising your mind all night. 
“You know, I don’t think I mentioned that I haven’t watched The Holiday. Is Jude Fucking Law any good?” He asks. A mental image of how his eyes crinkle when he laughs comes to mind upon hearing his voice. 
Once again, pretty much like how you’ve spent the whole evening with Mathew, a wide smile lets loose as you press the black button. “Come on up.”
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Kian Lawley [01]
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takes place - Season 1 of reality house
-
It was only a four-hour flight to Los Angelos, Y/n was on her way to the house. Y/n knew that being the sister of JC Caylayen since she got the chance to go to Los Angelos. Y/n was currently at the airport, her flight landed twenty minutes ago.
Y/n found her bags and waited patiently outside for her brother and his friends. All Y/n could think about was how his friends were so welcoming the last time she was here. They were all really great. Y/n felt like Kian didn't like her very much though. He ignored her a lot, stared, made comments about everything Y/n did, judged her for how innocent she was, ya know the whole sha-bang.
"Y/n!" A voice called in front of her.
Y/n looked up to see her brother and the one and only Kian Lawley. Y/n looked at JC and smiled, "Well don't just sit there, come and hug me man." JC said.
Y/n had gotten up and moved quickly towards him. He squeezed her in his arms as Y/n did the same to him. Y/n let go and so did JC. Kian looked at her, "Hey." Y/n said looking at him.
"Hey." Kian said while still looking down at his phone.
-
The three finally arrived at the reality house and by this time everyone was in party mode. Y/n walked through the door and instantly saw Dom drinking from the bottle on the pool table, "Save some for me." Y/n said walking through the door frame causing him to look her way.
"No friggen way." He said jumping off the pool table walking towards Y/n.
He opened his arms, inviting her for a hug. Y/n hugged him and then he quickly let go.
-
Y/n was only there for a solid five minutes and had already downed three beers. JC obviously didn't want her to but Y/n insisted she would be fine. Y/n sat between Kian and Elijah Daniels. Everybody else was scattered around the room. For some reason, everyone decided it would be fun to play a game of truth or dare because why the hell not. It had only gone on for a couple of minutes.
"Y/n." Trisha said.
Y/n looked over at Trish, "Truth or dare?" She asked.
"truth." Y/n replied hesitantly.
"Have you ever fantasized about one of your brother's friends?" Trish asked.
Y/n instantly felt her face heat up, and feeling brave Y/n actually said what was true.
Y/n looked at JC as he waited for her to answer, "Actually, yeah." Y/n said not looking at anyone.
Y/n looked up to see JC's face, he seemed calm, "Who?" Trish asked.
"You already asked a question," Y/n said causing everyone to laugh.
Who? Well, I'll tell you who.
Kian.
Y/n's had a thing for Kian for a while. Even though he does all of these things to make Y/n want to hate him, there's a part of her that wouldn't mind if Kian slammed her into the wall.
Y/n felt Kian's eyes on her, she didn't realize that she had her legs clenched together as she thought about Kian but he realized what was happening before she even did. Y/n looked at him, "Sorry." Y/n said.
He looked Y/n up and down, "Don't be." He murmured.
-
It was around six in the morning and Y/n couldn't sleep for shit. Y/n had a pair of shorts on and a tank top. Y/n walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cabinet and poured some water out into the cup. Y/n heard a noise behind me, Y/n turned around only to see Kian standing in the door frame only in his boxers. Just the sight of him in front of her made her wet.
"Why are you still up," Kian asked.
"I can't sleep," Y/n told him.
Y/n took a sip from the cup, "You?" Y/n questioned.
"Same here," Kian said.
He walked closer to her and leaned against the banister beside her, "So are we gonna talk about earlier?" Kian asked.
Y/n raised her eyebrows up, "There's nothing to talk about Kian." Y/n said looking down at the marble top.
Kian moved away from her. Y/n felt his body behind her. He pressed himself against her. He placed his hands on the curve of her hip. His hot breath fanned on her neck causing a shiver to go down my back. His lips brushed past my neck up to her ear lobe, "I bet your wet right now." He whispered and smirked against her ear lobe.
Y/n didn't say anything as Kian moved his hand around her waist into my shorts. He teased Y/n through her panties getting her more turned on. He toyed with the hem of her panties then quickly moved his hand into her panties.
He teased her folds feeling how wet Y/n was from his simple touch and words. Y/n moved her hips against his hand trying to get some friction, "Do you want it?" Kian whispered in her ear.
Y/n nodded her head slowly. His hand left her pants, he spun her around to face him. Y/n's breath hitched as Kian looked her all over. Y/n looked down to see that Kian was most definitely turned on as well. He lifted her up by my thighs and sat her on the counter, "So how long have you wanted this?" Kian taunted.
"Kian please." Y/n begged.
“No, tell me. Does your little boyfriend not give you enough?" He questioned.
that's when Y/n remembered, b/f. Y/n was cheating on b/f, "Fuck, I can't-" Y/n managed to speak before Kian rubbed his fingers on her heat. He looked up at her and smirked. He kissed her inner thigh making her melt. He left a kiss on her clothed heat.
Kian had enough of his own teasing, he ripped her shorts down and panties down as well. Kian went and teased her folds with his tongue leaving Y/n wanting more. Y/n could care less about b/f at the moment, all she wanted was Kian at this moment. He quickly started sucking on her clit.
"K-Kian." Y/n moaned.
He smirked against her heat, going faster. He moved his fingers into her entrance causing her back to arch on the counter. Y/n covered her own mouth, trying to not be loud. Y/n removed her hand from her mouth and instantly went and ran her fingers through his hair, "R-Right there." Y/n whispered.
It only took a few more minutes for her to come. Kian helped her down from the counter and Y/n put her shorts and panties back on. Just in time, thank god. It was already seven and people had started waking up already. JC walked through the kitchen door and saw Kian and Y/n standing by the counter, "Morning." He said going towards the coffee machine.
Kian and Y/n just looked at each other and smiled.
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hangovercurse · 3 years
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Ice Cold Pool
Part v of the Without You series: Colson and Y/N try to return to normal, but they still don’t know what normal actually is.
Colson x Reader
Warnings: Cursing (as per usual), substance use, people not following social distancing guidelines.
A/N: Seriously guys, wear your masks, social distance, etc. I really wanna go to a concert sometime in the next 2 years.
Word Count: 2743
| i | ii | iii | iv | vi | 
masterlist
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It had been 4 weeks since you and Colson had made the agreement to just be friends. Obviously, there were some hiccups in this plan. Most notably that hanging around Colson reminded you of all the reasons you loved him in the first place, and thus all the reasons you shouldn’t hang around him.
You were glad to be back to somewhat normal. You could hang around your friends without feeling too much tension, you could talk to Casie (who wanted to know everything that happened), and you could smoke again.
That last one you probably shouldn’t have been so happy about, but after a month without weed, you needed it.
Of course, not everything was back to normal. You and Colson weren’t technically… speaking. Yet.
You said simple things to each other, “excuse me,” “thank you,” and even the occasional “bless you” after a sneeze. But you had yet to have an actual conversation since that night. When hanging around the guys, you tried to be as normal as possible, interacting with Colson as little as possible. You didn’t want anyone else to think you felt awkward, because then they would feel awkward and it would be a whole awkward mess.
Tonight, you were hoping to ease some tension between you and Colson. Trippie was releasing the deluxe version of his new album and was having a “covid safe” album release party. All that meant was they would party outside rather than inside and only invite half the amount of people that they normally would.
Against your better judgement, Slim and Baze convinced you to go.
“There’s not even gonna be that many people there.”
“And Trippie would be so upset if you didn’t come.”
“If I go, will you two shut up?”
“Yes.” “Yes ma’am”
“Don’t call me ma’am ever again, Slim.”
So, you made a plan to talk to Colson at some point that night about something other than all of your problems with each other. If and only if the opportunity presented itself.
So, there you were in an oversized Misfits T-shirt that looked like a dress on you and shorts that no one could see, a beer in one hand, and a blunt in the other. You were sitting at the pool edge, your feet dangling in the water, as you talked to Iann Dior about cheese.
You may have been pretty tipsy, but he was worse.
“Cheddar cheese is the worst possible flavor of cheese.” Iann shook his head, laughing.
“Absolutely not. You can put cheddar in dishes, and they taste great. Cheddar makes things taste better. Brie cheese is the worst cheese. It’s literally fucking moldy.” You giggled, taking a swig of your drink.
“You’re both wrong. Feta cheese is the absolute worse and no one will convince me otherwise.” Colson chuckled, sitting next to you.
“There is nothing wrong with feta cheese, you two are just uncultured.” You laughed, the opportunity you needed apparently presenting itself. You took a quick glance at Colson, who was about to dip his feet in the water. “Colson your shoes are still on.”
He looked at you confused, and you realized just how high he was. “So?” he asked and Iann laughed.
“Dude, if you’re gonna put your feet in the water you gotta take your shoes off.”
Colson broke out laughing at Iann’s comment, his whole body shaking with joy. He slipped his shoes off once he finished and dangled his feet of the edge.
“So, you really think cheddar cheese is the best cheese?” He asked, taking a sip of his beer.
“Noooo.” You whined, “I just don’t think it’s the worst kind of cheese. But obviously there are better cheeses.” You kicked your feet up, splashing Colson on accident.
He looked over at you, a mischievous glint in his eye. He reached his hand into the water, splashing water towards you. “Colson!” You squealed, laughing.
You returned the favor by flicking water at his shirt, at which point Iann left. “You get me wet and you die.” He said with a laugh.
Colson then cupped his hands together, bringing water up to your shirt and pouring it all over you, much to your dismay. Luckily, your shirt was black, but the water was still freezing. “Bro.” You pouted, looking over at Colson. He was smiling, but soon mimicked your pout.
“Aww, I’m sorry. Did the little princess get wet?” Your eyes went wide, and you slapped his chest. He grabbed your hand, pulling it up so you couldn’t hit him and accidentally pulling you closer to him. “I didn’t mean it like that!” He laughed, his hand intertwining with yours as he brought it back down.
“Colson…” You trailed off, warning him. He pouted, a sigh leaving his lips as he unlocked your fingers.
“Sorry, forgot I’m not supposed to do that.” You smiled a little, glad that things were slowly becoming normal. “I wanna go for a swim.” He changed the topic, standing up and pulling his shirt off.
“Colson it’s freezing. You’re gonna get sick.” You looked at him with wide eyes but a giggle falling from your mouth.
“Guess someone has to come in to keep me warm.” He shrugged, tugging his shorts down his legs so he was just in his boxers.
It was only at this point that you realized he was very drunk. A few moments later you felt the cold water splash your face as Colson jumped into the pool near you, coming up and running his hand through his hair.
He made his way back over to you, reaching for the beer that he left on the side of the pool. He half-stood in front of you, a needy smile on his face. “Get in the water with me Y/N.” He dragged out the last syllable of your name, causing you to roll your eyes.
“There is no way in hell I am getting in that water.” You chuckled, taking a hit of the joint in your hand.
Colson pouted, taking the blunt from you and smoking it himself. “I guess I could always just pull you in.” He grabbed your thighs and you moved backwards, fighting him.
“Colson, I don’t have a change of clothes, I’ll be cold.” You tried to squirm out of his grip, giggling.
“You can just wear my shirt or something. Someone will have something.” He shrugged, pulling you into the water.
“Colson!” You squealed before your entire body was encased in the cold liquid.
“Too late.” He said, a cheeky smile on his face. His arms wrapped around you as you turned to face the edge, ready to get out. “Noooo, you’re already in here.” He whined, dragging you towards his chest.
“Colson, it’s freezing. We need to get out.” You said, turning your head to face him.
“I don’t want to. This is the closest I’ve been to you in weeks. I just wanna enjoy this for a moment.” His head rested on top of your head, and you let yourself fall back into his chest.
You had to admit, you did miss his playfulness and his touch, and you really hadn’t been this close to him in a while. But you knew he wouldn’t be doing any of this if he wasn’t both drunk and stoned out of his mind.
You sighed, knowing you needed to end the moment, if not for your own sanity. “C’mon Col, we can’t do this. Let’s get out.”
He groaned. “We did this when we were friends before, how is this any different from that?”
You made your way to the edge of the pool. “It just is Colson.” You sighed, trying to mask the anger in your voice. You tried to pull yourself up to sit on the edge of the pool, but you couldn’t quite make it the first time. Colson, of course, took it upon himself to help you, grabbing your hips lightly to lift you up. He got out and sat next to you, both of you soaking wet.
He reached over and grabbed the shirt he was wearing earlier, passing it to you. “Here, so you don’t get sick.” He seemed to be sobering up, probably due to the cold water.
“Thanks.” Your voice was hushed, your cheeks burning with a blush that you couldn’t explain. It’s just a shirt, you told yourself. You stood up, preparing yourself to find somewhere private to change.
“Where are you going?” Colson asked, looking up at you.
“To change.” You said bluntly. “I can’t exactly strip in front of 40 people.”
Colson nodded, standing up next to you, pulling his shorts on. “Where are you going?” You asked him, a small smile on your face.
“Wherever you are.” He smiled and you rolled your eyes.
“Okay, I guess I can use you to clear my path inside.” You chuckled, starting to walk towards the crowd of people near the doors of the house. As you moved through the crowd you found yourself instinctively reaching back for Colson’s hand, not wanting to lose him as you moved through the crowd. He happily took the hint and moved closer to you, his free hand resting on your hip to help guide you to the doors, though you didn’t mind as much as you should have.
You made your way through the open glass door, suddenly very self-conscious about the clothes you were wearing and the fact that you were soaking wet. “Bathroom is this way.” Colson mumbled into your ear as the loud music blasted around you. The hand on your hip led you down a small hallway until you found the open bathroom.
You went in, turning to close the door when you saw Colson had followed you in. “I gotta change, Kells. You can’t be in here.”
“Woah woah woah.” He started, clearly offended, “You never call me Kells. That’s not allowed.” You giggled, rolling your eyes. “And I’ll just… look away.” He covered his eyes with his hands, moving his fingers to form a gap.
“Colson, seriously,” You laughed, “turn around.” He thankfully did as told, and you quickly removed the Misfits shirt you were previously wearing and replaced it with his long sleeve pink shirt. It wasn’t quite as long as the other one you were wearing, but it still went down to your upper thigh and the sleeves went far enough past your wrist for permanent sweater paws. Unfortunately, this meant you would have to keep your wet shorts on.
Upon realizing this, you let out a sigh of disappointment. “What?” Colson questioned, still facing the wall.
“You can look now.” He turned around. “It’s not as long as mine.” You pouted, stretching your arms out for him to see before flopping them back down to your sides.
Colson chuckled, “I really don’t see the problem, Y/N.”
You glared playfully, “I have to wear my wet fuckin shorts.” You whined, a pout on your lips.
“I meannn, you don’t have to.” Colson said, playfully. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! But I don’t know what to do to help you.”
You let out a dramatic sigh, looking off into the distance. “I’m not giving you my pants, Y/N.” Another dramatic sigh. “Okay fine we’ll just go to his laundry room and through them in the dryer, okay?”
“See, you do know what to do to help me.” You smiled, grabbing your wet shirt and pushing Colson out of the bathroom.
The laundry room in Trippie’s house was surprisingly small, given his house was a small mansion. You were able, however, to close the door and pull off your wet clothes. Colson threw your shirt in the dryer as well.
You hopped up onto the washer, your legs dangling off. “You don’t have to stay, Colson.” You told him, knowing he probably wanted to rejoin the party.
“I’m good. This is much more fun than whatever’s going on out there.”
You laughed, “waiting for my clothes to dry? Whatever, loser.”
He moved towards you, his stomach touching your knees. “I’ve missed this.” He said, softly. You met his eyes with your own. “Just us doing stupid shit. Being friends.”
“We’re still friends, Cols.” You smiled, tilting your head to the side.
He sighed, “Yeah but we haven’t really been friends since…” He trailed off, but you knew what he meant. “Not real friends, at least.”
You sighed, trying to decide what you wanted to say. “I’m sorry about that. I just needed a little bit of space and it never felt like the right time to… talk. Like if we started talking in a group everyone would just think it’s weird.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” his hand reached out to touch your waist. “If anything, I should be apologizing. It’s my fault we’re stuck in this weird limbo shit anyways. I was honestly afraid the guys would kill me if I talked to you.”
“Well, good thing it’s not up to the guys anymore.” Your voice got soft as you realize how close your faces had gotten. “And we can be normal friends again.” You added.
Colson looked down. “Yeah, normal friends.” He tried to hide the disappointment in his voice but failed miserably.
“Colson, we’re just friends, right?” You asked, trying to convince yourself more than him.
He nodded, “Yeah, we’re just friends.” He looked up and met your eyes, and you could see the emotions in his crystal blue eyes. “But I don’t know that I can just be friends.” His voice was soft, making your heart sink deeper.
His head was inches away from yours, his nose almost touching your own. He leaned his head to the side, his eyes traveling your face. His lips were millimeters from yours. “Tell me that you don’t want this, and I’ll walk out right now.”
“I…” You couldn’t form a sentence with his lips so close to your own. “We shouldn’t.” You whispered.
“That’s not what I asked.” He paused, touching his nose to yours lightly. When he spoke, you could feel his words on your lips. “Do you want me to kiss you right now?”
You couldn’t answer him for a few seconds. “I don- I don’t know Colson.” You breathed out, leaning your forehead against his.
Part of you was hoping he would take matters into his own hands and just kiss you, but the other part of you knew you would regret anything that happened right now.
He jerked his head away from you, a frown etched across his face. “When are you gonna make up your goddamn mind? I can never figure out where I’m at with you.” His voice raised slightly, making you jump. “One minute we’re not even talking and the next you’re holding my fucking hand at a party. You say we’re just friends and then don’t say no when I ask if you want me to kiss you. Like what the fuck is this?” He ranted, causing your grip on the edge of the washer to tighten.
“Colson, I told you. I need time to figure all of this out. It doesn’t just happen overnight.” You tried to keep your voice calm.
“It’s been weeks, Y/N. How long do you need?”
Confusion took over your features, and then anger. “Colson do you even realize what you did? Honestly, you’re fucking lucky I even wanted to be friends. You kind of screwed me up, really bad. So, excuse me for needing time to figure out if you’re worth it or not.” Your eyes fell to the floor, suddenly very self-conscious of all the things Colson had said to you 2 months ago.
Colson scoffed, backing away from you, “Well honestly it would be a lot easier if we weren’t friends.” His words were harsh, and you were reminded that he wouldn’t change, not really. “Y/N I didn’t mean it like that.” His voice became soft, but it was already too late.
You hopped off the machine, pushing past him and pulling your damp shirt and shorts out of the dryer. With your back facing him, you pulled your shorts on and then took his shirt off, replacing it with your own.
“Y/N I’m sorry I jus-“
“No, Colson. I’m sorry. I keep forgetting that my existence seems to be the bane of yours.” You shove his shirt into his chest. “You don’t have to worry about me anymore.” You walked out of the small room and through the house, determined to call a cab home.
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Small (A Halstead brothers + Halstead sister imagine)
Grab your snacks because this is a long one.
Warning: graphic depictions of violence.
Being short and able to fit into small spaces had its perks...but you didn't think it would come in handy in such a dire situation as this. Your mind wandered back to who knows how many hours ago, reminding you of how you got in the situation and what the current situation entailed. Needless to say, you were currently in hell.
***
"Sev? What are you doing here?" you asked as you opened the front door to reveal Kelly Severide holding a six-pack of beer.
"Heard your brother just worked a really tough case. He here?" Kelly asked.
"He's in the shower. Voight gave him the day off after the case yesterday. But, c'mon in."
You stepped out of the way and allowed Kelly to enter, and closed the door. You went back over to the kitchen where you were pouring yourself a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. After all, it was only nine in the morning.
"Want anything?" you asked Kelly.
"I'm good, thanks. But if you could put these in the fridge that'd be great."
"Only if I can have one," you joked, grabbing the beer and putting it on a shelf in the fridge.
"If your brother wasn't here, I probably would let you."
"Kelly?" Jay asked walking out of the bathroom in a pair of jeans, still without a shirt on as it was in his hand.
"My eyes!" you yelled, quickly covering them with your hand.
"Do you ever leave the bathroom with a shirt on? Or do you just put it on once you're out?" Kelly laughed.
"It's my house. I can do what I want."
"Well, put the damn shirt on. You're scarring the poor kid."
"Fine, fine, okay." He slipped the shirt over his head. "You're good now."
You uncovered your eyes and took a sip of your coffee. You were about to swallow when Jay decided it wasn't too early to mess with you. "Not like she hasn't seen dudes shirtless before. She really wants to see that one kid from her political science class shirtless."
"Excuse you?" you exclaimed after you had spit your coffee back into your mug, causing Kelly to look at you with a disgusted look on his face. "I do not!"
"You're not exactly quiet when you talk on the phone with Emma, Y/N," Jay smirked.
"You see this, Kelly? This is the shit I have to put up with every day."
Kelly decided to smack Jay upside the head. "Ow! What the hell was that for?"
"Be nice to your sister!" Kelly laughed. "Or else I'll tell her that I caught you and Hailey making out in your truck on my way out of Molly's the other night!"
"I knew it! I knew you guys were in love with each other! Kelly, I need you to put that statement in writing because Will now owes me fifty bucks."
"Wait, you guys made bets on my love life?" Jay asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee.
"So, he is in love with her!" Kelly yelled, giving you a high five.
"Okay, enough about me," Jay started, effectively putting an end to that conversation. "What are you even doing here?" he asked, turning to Kelly.
"I heard about your case last night and I figured you could use some company. I brought beer."
"Great. Once I finish my coffee, we can break into that. You catch the Bears game the other day?"
And, now that they were talking about the glorified game of catch that was football, you took that as your cue to leave.
***
A reminder popped up on your phone at 11 am sharp. Tell Jay that low oil light came on in car it read.
You walked out into the living room only to hear Kelly say, "I'm tellin' you man, girls love that shit."
You assumed that shit was some sex thing...so you didn't want to know in the slightest. You cleared your throat, and Jay turned to you with wide-eyes.
"Uh, Y/N, how much of that did you happen to hear?"
"All I heard was him saying girls love that shit. Thank God I didn't hear more. But, my low oil light came on, so can change it?"
"The light or the oil?" Jay asked, taking another sip of his beer.
You squinted your eyes at him. "The oil. I'm stupid when it comes to cars, but I'm not that stupid."
"I'll do it in an hour."
"I have a class at three."
Jay groaned. "Seriously? Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"Because it just came on yesterday?" Jay raised an eyebrow. "Okay, fine it came on three days ago. But in my defense, you haven't been home during the day and it's hard to change the oil in the dark."
"I can do it in the dark," Kelly pointed out.
"I can do it in the dark," Jay mocked. "Of course you can, because you're a firefighter. I don't suppose you know how to fire a sniper do you?"
"Dude, I'm a firefighter, not a cop!"
"Listen, I don't care who changes it faster or who can do it in the dark. Jay, just please change my oil."
"Uh, fine," Jay groaned, standing up from the couch.
"No, I can do it," Kelly offered.
"You sure?" Jay asked.
"As long as you buy me lunch."
"I knew there was a catch. But, sure. Me and Y/N will go pick up lunch and we'll bring some to Will too and we'll be back before she has to leave for her class at three." He turned to you. "Sound good?"
"When have I ever passed up the opportunity for free food?"
"Never?" Jay guessed.
"Exactly," you answered, grabbing your car keys off the hook and tossing them to Kelly.
If you knew what was about to happen, you would have definitely stayed home.
***
"So, care to elaborate on you and Hailey?" you asked Jay as you were on your way to Chicago Med to drop off some food from Mama Garcia's to Will.
"If you give me that fifty bucks Will's gonna pay you, then I might just enlighten you."
"Nah, I'll just have Kelly tell me everything he knows instead. Or I can ask Ruzek--"
You were cut off by the sound of sirens behind you. "What the hell? I wasn't even speeding," Jay muttered.
"For once in your life," you shot back.
"Shut it."
Jay rolled the truck to a stop and you shot a look behind you. No one had gotten out of the car yet.
"They're probably just running my plates," Jay answered, seeing as you looked confused. "Some cops are weird and run 'em before they get out of the car. I made the mistake of doing that once when I was a rookie and the suspect fled."
"Oooh, did you get in trouble? I hope you got yelled at!"
Jay looked behind him at the cops who stepped out of the car. At first, he thought they might have been plain-clothed officers, but why would plain-clothed officers be driving a squad car? Then, he looked closer and it was as if he was transported back to four years ago.
"Y/N--"
"I was kidding, I don't care if you got yelled at or--"
"Y/N!" Jay yelled. "I need you to get down now, and call 911. Tell them my name and tell them to ping your phone."
"Jay, what's going on?" You slid off your seat and curled up into a ball on the floor, pulling out your phone.
"Just do it, dammit!"
Jay reached for his gun that he kept hidden in the glove compartment as your fingers flew across your phone.
You heard the tell-tale sound of a window being broken and looked up the see Jay covering his face, gun still in hand. Jay tried to push open the door, but before he could, the door was ripped open and he was dragged out of the car. "Detective Halstead. So, we meet again," you heard a deep voice say.
"Hello, 911 what's your emergency?"
"Detective Jay Halstead, intelligence. Ping this phone," was all you could manage to get out.
"You hear that?" another voice asked. "Sounded like a girl and it came from his truck."
"I'm alone!" Jay yelled. "I just came to pick up some food is all!" he protested. In a normal situation, he would've tried to fight back. But, this wasn't a normal situation. He needed them to take him wherever it was they wanted him and he needed them to do it fast so that they didn't find you.
"I don't know about that, Detective. Where's the fire from the last time I saw you? You never go down without a fight. Are you protecting someone, is that it?" He paused and nodded to his associate. "Check his car."
"You son of a-- Ahhhhh!" Jay writhed as a taser struck his stomach.
"Jay!" You jumped up at the sound of your brother's cries of pain. He never showed weakness, so this was bad.
"Take her!" the man who was holding Jay yelled.
You jumped out of the car and started running, but they were too fast and caught up to you within five steps.
"Let me go! Let me go!" you yelled as you struggled and kicked your legs out as you were picked up off the ground.
You saw Jay trying to fight his captor as well, but it was no use because as soon as he got tased again and showed weakness for a second time, they tied his hands behind his back. "Y/N, stop fighting," Jay gritted out. "It'll-- only get-- worse."
"Let go of me you fucking asshole!" you yelled, swinging your arms, hoping that you got him in the nose.
"Derek, I think this bitch needs a little lesson in obedience," the one who was holding you said.
"I'll do that in a second." He pulled out a syringe.
"Don't!" you yelled as you watched what he was doing. But it was too late, the syringe full of sedatives had already been plunged into your older brother's shoulder, ending all your hopes of escape.
"Now for you," he walked over, twirling a knife in his hands. He handed it to his associate, who held it against your throat.
"You scream or move, you die."
***
Jay woke up to a pain in his shoulder. All he could think was Not again. Not fucking Derek Keyes again.
But then, he heard your screams of pain coming from the other room and that immediately snapped him out of his groggy state. He had to get out of here. He could be tortured like an animal, after all, he'd already been through it once, but there was no way in hell he was going to sit back and allow it to happen to you.
He tugged on the ropes securing him to the pipe and tried to jam his shoulder into it to make it loose. It moved slightly and he knew that if he had time, he could get out of it.
You would no longer laugh at the story of Jay going through taser certification or laugh at how much he bitched about having to be recertified each year. Because God, taking a taser to the stomach hurt like hell. And, what made it even worse was that you were chained to the ceiling, so because of your short stature, you couldn't even put a toe on the ground. So now, when you were tased or hit, despite trying to double over, you would just swing back and forth, like a tormented and tortured rag doll.
"J-Jay!" you yelled as you were tased in the stomach and swung back once more.
"He won't put himself through this again, sweetheart. After all, he knows what's it's like. He'll just let you take one for the team this time."
"Liar," you gasped out.
"I have a better idea. How about we play a little game, just you and me." He fiddled with your bra strap that was falling down your left shoulder. They had ripped your shirt off before they had begun tasing you. You were just thankful they had let you keep your jeans on. "Don't you want to know what the game is?"
"No--" you were cut off by being tased in the shoulder, causing you to scream out.
"Not the answer I was looking for. Let's try this again, shall we? Do you want to know what the game is?"
"Y-Yes."
"See now that wasn't so hard." Keyes put his hands on your shoulders to stop you from swinging. "The game is simple. I give you a choice between two clothing items. You choose the one you want to take off and then...well, you'll see what happens from there. Now, here's your choice: bra or jeans?"
"Wh-what?" you stuttered.
"Did I stutter, bitch? Make your decision, bra or jeans?"
"Jeans," you gasped. At least you had underwear underneath. And, if he took off your bra and tased you there, well, you did not want to know how that felt.
He pulled out a knife and you instinctively tried to sway back away from him. Keyes chuckled. "Don't worry. This won't come near your face...yet."
Then, you heard the ripping of denim as your jeans were quite literally cut off of your body.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you the rest of the game," Keyes smirked. "Wherever I take clothes of off, you take a taser hit to." Without even giving you time to process what he had said, he stuck the taser into your left leg, causing a burning and writhing sensation to go up your entire body.
"Mercy! Mercy!" you yelled out. Honestly, at this point, you wished you would just pass out.
"One last choice," Keyes started, twirling the knife between his fingers. "I can continue having all my fun with you or I can get your brother and--"
"Jay. Take Jay," you gritted your teeth and said without thinking of the repercussions of your actions.
"What you want, you get."
Keyes unchained your hands and you all but fell into his arms to avoid falling on the cold, hard concrete. He tugged your arm, pulling you up and you could've sworn if he pulled any harder, that your shoulder would have popped out of its socket. He then dragged you over to a large steel door, put in a code, and pushed it open, causing it to scrape against the floor.
That's when you heard him. Jay.
"Let her go you fucking animals!"
"Oh, we're letting her go alright," Keyes chuckled sinisterly as he got closer and closer to the light of the small flickering lightbulb that was hanging from the ceiling, giving the space you and Jay were currently being held an eerie glow. "But the deal was her for you."
***
You didn't know how much time had passed. You tried to keep your mind off of Jay's screams from the torture chamber by translating all your thoughts into Spanish. That only helped for the first few though, because they all had to do with pain.
Me duele. Me duele. Me duele.
I hurt. I hurt. I hurt.
Pain. Pain. Pain.
You were currently tied to a pole about six inches away from the rectangular-looking pipe that Jay had been tied to before Keyes took him. Everything Jay had taught you about survival had gone out the window. Not that you thought it mattered. All he had taught you to really do was how to break zip ties if your wrists and ankles were zip-tied together and if you needed to hit someone, hit their nose with the heel of your hand and then run as fast as possible while their vision was blurry.
Your shoulders ached from holding your weight for so long and the bleeding on your stomach had slowed to a trickle after all those taser hits. Your thigh was still numb from the worst taser hit of them all, but you were slowly regaining feeling in it.
You heard moaning coming from the left of you and turned your head to see a shirtless Jay being dragged back over to you. His face was already bruising and there was blood dripping down his torso. As he got closer, you couldn't even bear to look at him. You were the one who caused this. You were the one who made him go through all this pain. If you would've just taken what Keyes was giving you, Jay wouldn't be hurting as much--if not more--than you were.
They tied Jay to the pipe once more and then Keyes crouched down to your height. You resisted the urge to spit in his face. "I hope he forgives you." He began to caress your face, causing you to grit your teeth to keep from crying out, in fear or disgust, you weren't sure which. "Because I sure as hell wouldn't, sweetheart."
"Get your-- hands-- off her," Jay heavily panted next to you.
"Nobody asked you!" The echo of the slap Jay had just received from Keyes could be heard throughout the entire basement, causing you to flinch backward, hitting your head on the pole.
"Ah, fuck," you muttered through gritted teeth.
"Now, I'm gonna go make a few phone calls, eat some food, maybe have some friends over." At the mention of friends, your eyes widened, hoping that didn't mean what you thought it did. "Oh, don't worry, sweetheart. It's not what you think...yet."
Then, he left and you scooted around the pole so you could be closer to your brother. "I'm a monster," you whispered.
"What?" Jay turned his head to look at you, trying to maneuver his shoulders under the pipe to loosen it once more.
"He said you or me, that I had to choose and I told him to take you. I'm sorry. I should've just let him--"
"No, what you did was the right thing. I'll be fine. I was worried about you the whole time you were in there." Only then did he get a good look at you and saw that you were only in your bra and underwear. "Oh, God. He didn't-- I can't forgive myself if he--"
"Jay, he didn't do that." You shivered, despite being covered in a layer of nervous sweat.
And, Jay being a detective and all, didn't miss that. "Can you move any closer to me?"
You tugged on the rope, using whatever slack it had left in it to slowly drag yourself closer to Jay. Somehow, you got yourself close enough to Jay that you were leaning against him. You felt the warmth of his chest and remembered when Jay had told the doctor one time that his temperature always ran a little high, that that was normal for him. And God, right now you were really thankfully for those extra point three degrees he had on you.
"You're warm," you mumbled.
"You're getting blood in your hair."
"But it's warm." You closed your eyes.
"No, no, no, no, no." Jay moved his shoulder, making your head move up and down.
"Stop it. Trying to take a nap before he comes back."
"No, no we are not doing that. You do not close your eyes on me, Y/N Halstead. Do you understand me?"
You blinked and opened your eyes. "Fine. But everything hurts."
"I know. I know it does, kid. But we're gonna get out of here, okay?" Jay craned his neck to look above him. Then, he looked you up and down. "Think you could fit through that air vent?"
***
"You've reached Jay. Leave a message and I'll get back to you. At the tone please record your message, when you have finished recording--"
"Dammit, Halstead. It's been two hours!" Severide grumbled to himself as he sat on the couch in your house. Then, he scrolled through the phone to find your contact.
He waited for a few rings. "Hey, it's Y/N. I can't come to the phone right now. But pro tip, send me a text and maybe I'll answer that. Bye! At the tone please record your--"
He slammed his finger down on the end call button and went to call the third Halstead in a row, Will.
"Kelly?" Will asked as he answered his phone in the doctor's lounge. "Not to sound rude or anything, but why are you calling me?"
"Have you seen Jay or Y/N?"
"Can't say I have, why?"
"They went out to grab lunch and said they'd drop some off to you and it's been two hours. I don't know, maybe something happened to them."
"Yeah, I'll call Voight. Maybe Jay got called in and Y/N's just at the district. I'll let you know what I find out."
"Thanks, man."
Will ended the call and scrolled through his contacts until he found Hank Voight's phone number.
"Voight," the gravely-voiced sergeant answered.
"Hank, it's Will Halstead. Any chance you've seen my brother or sister lately?"
"No. I gave Halstead the day off and I haven't seen Y/N. Why? Is everything alright?"
"It's just that Kelly Severide just called me and he said that Jay and Y/N were out grabbing food and it's been two hours and neither of them is answering their phones."
"Okay, I'll look into it and get back to you. Don't worry about it. They probably just have no service because of a downed line."
"Yeah," Will agreed, trying to be optimistic. "Thanks."
"No problem, doc."
Voight ended the call and walked out of his office and into the bullpen. It was a slow day in Intelligence and hell, Ruzek hadn't even shown up yet.
"Is Ruzek gonna show up or is he playing hookey today?" Voight asked, annoyed.
"I think he's just hungover," Kevin answered. "If we got a case though, I'll pick him up on the way there and wake his ass up."
"Hank." Voight turned to look at the stairs, seeing none other than Trudy Platt. "You all need to listen to this."
She pressed play on an iPad and your voice came through the speaker. "Detective Jay Halstead, intelligence. Ping this phone."
"That's Y/N's voice," Kevin said.
"Trudy, when was this call placed?" Voight asked.
"About an hour and a half ago."
"Okay. Atwater, go pick up Ruzek. Burgess, ping Y/N's phone. Upton, me and you are gonna go suit up and then go find Jay and Y/N's last known."
"Copy that," Hailey answered.
***
"No sign of them, Sarge," Hailey said as she walked around Jay's truck, which showed clear signs of forced entry.
"This is 5021 squad," Voight spoke into his radio, "I need you to roll the crime lab on our current location and notify all units, an officer and a civilian have been abducted."
"Should we call Will?" Hailey asked.
"No. Not until we get more information. We don't need him to know that both of his siblings have been kidnapped. Because, if he's anything like Jay, which there's a 99% chance he is, he'll do something reckless. And we can't have that, not with this case."
"Kim, do you have any pod footage from our location?" Hailey asked.
"I do, but it's not facing that way. Wait, I got something. It looks like there was a squad car...and Jay's truck is out of frame. Dammit!"
"Kim track that patrol car number, see if it was reported missing or stolen."
"Copy."
There was typing on Kim's end before she came back on the radio. "Patrol car was reported stolen from the police garage this morning. According to the GPS, it says it's at the bottom of the Chicago River."
"So, whoever did this ripped the GPS out. Great."
"Hank," Trudy's voice came over the radio.
"What do you have for me, Trudy?"
"You need to get back to the district. There's a package for you and it's got a DVD and a flip phone in it. Some kid dropped it off, said it was important that this be viewed by you and Intelligence."
***
"Anybody else getting deja vu from this? Or is it just me?" Adam asked as he popped the DVD into the computer as everyone else crowded around to get a view of the screen.
"If this is what I think it is, then it is not good," Voight agreed.
"Someone care to enlighten me?" Hailey asked.
"About four years ago, there was this dealer, Derek Keyes. We had a buy going down in Midway and he killed his own brother and took Jay. Sent us a DVD and a flip phone," Adam answered.
"We watched Jay get tortured like an animal," Kevin said.
"And then Keyes called," Adam continued. "He said he wanted all our CI files and to send a lone female officer. We made fake files and sent Erin Lindsay, but they didn't have him. So, Erin had to go back with them, and somehow, I have no idea how those two did it, but they fought off Keyes and his associates and got out of there alive."
"Let's get this over with," Voight said.
They all held their breath as the video booted up. When Adam did press play, they were met with you hanging from the ceiling and being tased. They could hear Jay's screams in the background telling them to let you go.
"J-Jay. Take Jay," you panted and were taken down and dragged out.
Then, the video switched to Jay being tased. Hailey thought she was going to be sick. They had her partner, the man she had finally shared her feelings with and she'd be damned if they took him away from her.
The phone rang and Voight flipped it open and put it on speaker. "Hello?"
"Sergeant Voight, so we meet again," Derek Keyes' voice came through the phone. "I wish it were under better circumstances."
"What do you want, Keyes? We both know how this goes."
"I know what you want," Keyes started, smirking on the other end of the call. "You want your detective and his precious little sister who just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I've gotta say, Jay is quite the martyr this time around. Not like his sister gave him much of a choice, but he did it willingly. Didn't even fight back when he got back in there, all he said was not to hurt her more than I already have."
"She's just a kid, Keyes!" Adam yelled. "Let her go!"
Adam was like another older brother to you, but he was the fun brother. He always said that if you went to a party and needed a place to crash after without telling your brothers, he was your guy. He was also the one who, whenever you had to be stuck at the district for whatever reason,  would sneak you a few dollars if you didn't have cash on you and you'd get Oreos from the vending machine.
"Oh, but that wouldn't be much fun for me now, would it?" Keyes chuckled.
"What do want?" Voight sneered.
"All of the drugs from the evidence locker. Meet me tonight at ten pm and you'll get your precious detective and his kid sister back. Send a lone, female officer. I'll send you the address."
Then, the line went dead.
"Okay, so we just go and check out all the drugs from evidence and throw them in a bag and do the meet. Simple," Adam stated.
"Are you out of your mind?" Voight asked, stepping closer to Adam. "Most of those drugs are laced, and there no way I am sending that much out onto the streets!"
"It's not just Jay this time! They have Y/N!"
"He's right, Sarge," Kevin backed up his best friend. "If it were just Jay, we might be able to get out of it without getting the drugs to Keyes. But, Y/N's got no way to defend herself in there, not with guys two times her size. You saw how she looked in that video and how she cried out for Jay. He'll do anything for her, Sarge. That's usually a good thing, but it might not be in this case."
They all knew what Kevin was getting at: If it was a choice between you or Jay dying, Jay would take the bullet in a heartbeat.
"Alright," Voight nodded. "I'll go sign out the drugs. Kim, get a wire on Hailey. Atwater and Ruzek, scope out the place and find the best spot to watch the drop."
***
"Jay, I swear to God if you break your damn shoulder--"
"I will not break my shoulder, Y/N." Jay gritted his teeth as he shoved his shoulder into the pipe.
"All I'm saying is that Will is gonna have to poke you with a needle if that happens."
"Listen, we're gonna get poked and prodded anyway." There was a soft clang as one end of the pipe came loose and popped off its bearings.
Jay quickly got his hands out of the rope and moved over to untie you.
"Oh, Thank God." Jay pulled the rope off your wrists, to see blood trickling down them.
"What the hell did you do?" Jay asked. His wrists weren't bloody, just raw, so he didn't know how yours had gotten that bad without you saying something.
"When they were hurting you, I just kept tugging on them. But it didn't work. They just got tighter."
"Yeah, because with the type of knot they tied you up with, the more you tug, the tighter it gets. Can you feel your leg yet?"
"How did you know it was numb?"
"I'm a detective. I notice things and you kept pinching your leg."
"It's better, I guess."
"Try and stand up, walk a few steps, and then we are getting out of here."
"How? You're gonna boost me up to that air vent where we have no idea where it ends and then I'm gonna go outside, pray that it's not snowing, and try and fight this guy off. Not to mention, I am literally just in my bra and underwear!"
"Listen, you probably won't have to go very far before someone who's concerned comes up to you and you ask to use their phone and you call Will, who will call Voight. If Will doesn't pick up, call 911. And, it's Chicago. People have seen weirder things than this."
You started walking around, making sure you could feel your leg. And you could feel it alright. You could feel it aching from your knee up to your hip, but you had to get out of here. You didn't know how much more of that you could take. And, you felt nauseous...but you couldn't tell Jay that or else he'd make you sit down and your escape plan would be dead in the water.
"Ready?" Jay asked.
"As I'll ever be," you answered, walking closer to him.
"You'll be okay, kid. We're gonna be okay."
You nodded, holding back tears, and then took a deep breath. Jay grunted in pain as he took your foot in his hand and boosted you up so that you could reach the open vent. Once you got your hands tightly wrapped around the entrance, Jay pushed so that your body was completely inside. You couldn't imagine the amount of pain he was in as he was having to irritate all of the wounds on his stomach and shoulders to get you up there.
You began your crawl through the dark and hoped that you didn't see a snake or a different type of reptile or rodent. Because, if you did and Keyes didn't kill Jay, you sure as hell would.
You crawled through the dark for what to you felt like hours, but in reality, it had only been three minutes, until you saw a speck of light ahead of you. You went as fast as your injured body would allow you to go, knowing that the outside world and freedom were getting closer and closer with every struggling step.
"Fuck," you muttered. You could see outside through the vent, but there was just one problem. You'd have to kick out the metal filter in order to jump outside.
You stifled a scream as you pulled your legs back, crunching them up to your chest which rubbed against the wounds on your stomach and kicked forward. You heard a creaking noise, taking that as a good sign, you kicked the filter seven more times with all the strength you had left and heard it hit the soft snow below.
You poked your head out, for once thankful that you were being held in a basement so that you were at ground level and wouldn't have to jump from four stories high.
But it was cold, oh so cold, and your lack of clothing didn't help matters.
Then, you heard Jay scream.
Hearing that kicked your adrenaline into high gear and you slipped out of the air vent and onto the ground, your feet making footprints in the snow. But, it was as if you couldn't even feel your feet on the verge of being frostbitten as you ran across the yard, further and further away from that place, closer and closer to safety.
But then, you came to a fence, which made your heart stop. You couldn't remember the last time you had climbed a fence! Yes, it paid to be small so you could fit in an air vent, but it did not help you the slightest bit when trying to jump a fence.
You gripped the metal and slid your foot into one of the rectangles, hauling yourself up as fast as you could.
But, you weren't fast enough.
You were ripped off the fence so fast that it made your head spin, the dizziness causing bile to rise in your throat.
"Let me go!" you yelled, kicking and screaming, hoping that your foot would make contact with any part of Derek Keyes' body that would cause him pain.
"Oh, where's the fun in that?"
"Please--" You couldn't finish your sentence before Keyes had slapped you across the face and then pressed a piece of duck tape on your mouth, effectively shutting you up.
"Much better. Now I can enjoy my peace and quiet."
You huffed and tried to scream through the duck tape, but it was no use. You tried to lick the duck tape like Jay had taught you, but you had been without water for so long that the tape wouldn't lose its stickiness no matter how hard or long you tried. Salty tears rolled down your face, wasting whatever water your probably dehydrated body had left.
You were once again dragged into the basement, meeting Jay, who was on the floor writhing in pain from the taser hit he had just received, chains on his wrists and ankles.
"Look who finally decided to turn back up, detective," Derek said, as he chained you to the pole. You knew that you'd probably need a tetanus shot from the rust getting into your cut-up wrists...if you ever go out of here that is.
"Op! Op!" you tried to yell stop through your duck tape, but that was the best you could do.
"Let her go, Keyes," Jay panted. "You want me, you have me. Now," he paused to take in some much-needed air, "just let her go."
"That was going to be the plan before I caught her trying to escape. I was going to take her and exchange her for the drugs and then maybe your people would find you in time. But, seeing as she is the escapee and you're just the accomplice, I think that she should get a longer prison sentence. That's how it works, isn't it detective?"
You whimpered, but Jay said nothing. A kick to his side made him remember who was in charge. "Yeah, yeah, that's how-- that's how it works."
"Precisely my point." He nodded at one of his associates who pulled out a syringe. Instinctively, Jay flinched. "Aw, is the big, bad detective afraid of a little needle?" Then, he plunged the needle into Jay's shoulder once more.
Jay tried to stay awake by focusing on you, silently telling you that it would be okay, but soon his eyes closed, the drugs taking over his system.
"Get him in the van, go do the deal," he told the guy who had just put sedatives in your brother's system. "As for you, sweetheart, it's time for another game."
***
"Hailey, van pulling up on your six," Ruzek said into his radio.
"Copy," Hailey answered. Seeing as she was unarmed, this needed to go smoothly. Not just for her, but for you and Jay.
As the van pulled up, Hailey's heart beat faster and faster. One slip up and she, Jay, and you would all easily be dead.
"Lone female officer," Keyes' associate said as he pulled up to Hailey. "Voight knows how to listen. You got what we asked for?"
"Sure do," Hailey answered, popping the trunk and pulling out the bag full of drugs. "All the drugs from 21st's evidence locker." She unzipped the bag, showing it to the men. "Now, give me my people, and then you can have 'em."
"That's not how this works. The drugs and then you get them back."
Hailey hesitated, but then she heard Voight's voice in her earpiece. "Do it, Upton. We have them surrounded."
She handed over the bag and he inspected it. "Get him out!" he yelled to the person in the back with Jay.
The door was opened and Jay was shoved out of the van, smashing his face into the gravel as the van sped off.
"Take 'em," Voight said.
"Sarge, Y/N's not here!" Hailey yelled. "It's only Jay and I need an ambo here! Now!"
"They- They got her, Hailey. Escape-- caught-- still there," Jay gasped as Hailey helped him sit up and wiped some blood from his face.
"Jay says Y/N's still there!" Hailey said and then the ambulance came up next to them.
Hailey undid the knots that were holding Jay's wrists and ankles together. They had switched out the chains for rope as soon as they were far away enough from Keyes' place that they knew that Jay wouldn't escape.
"Hailey, I counted- I counted the turns. They didn't give me enough and I woke- I woke up as soon as the van started."
"Sarge, I need you here, now! I think we got something, but I'm gonna need some help."
"Copy," Voight answered.
"Can you stand up, sir?" the paramedic asked Jay.
"Yeah, yeah I can do that." Hailey took his hand and helped him stand up and sit in the back of the ambulance.
"Jesus, man," Adam said as he saw Jay's current state. "You look like hell."
"Not the time," Voight admonished. "Hailey, what do you got?"
"Jay said he counted the turns. So if we can somehow get him in the car, I think he might be able to tell us where to go by backtracking."
"Halstead, you good to go?"
"Yeah," Jay answered, slowly standing up.
"Sergeant," the paramedic turned to Voight, "we really need to get him to Chicago Med."
"Listen to me, his sister is missing and probably being tortured right now. He is the only person who knows where to go because those other two sons of bitches who brought him here ain't talking. So, if you take him to the hospital and his sister dies, her death is on you. But if it makes you feel any better, one of you can ride with us," Voight sneered.
The paramedic reached behind her, pulling out a medical bag. "Take this. Use the hydrogen peroxide to clean the cuts. Use the bandages and gauze to cover them up, but remember to clean all of them." She looked at his stomach. "This one needs stitches, so I'm gonna need to keep him here--"
"No! We can just pack it, can't we?" Hailey asked.
"I mean, you could. It'd only work for a max of two hours."
"Well, we better work fast then," Voight said. "Hailey, help him to the car."
***
Keyes roughly grabbed your face in his hand. You were once again chained up and hanging from the ceiling by your wrists. The minute you stopped swinging, you did what you should've done hours ago. Jay wasn't here to save you and this wasn't going to get any easier. You were saving yourself in this one.
You spat in his face, resulting in you getting a slap across your face and then getting tased in the shoulder.
"I'm getting bored of this," Keyes said, faking a yawn.
He turned around and you used that moment to gather up all your strength and swing backward, using the momentum to carry you forward and kicking your legs out, successfully hitting him in the back, making him fall to the ground with a thud. You wiggled in the chains, ignoring the pain in your bloody wrists screaming out for you to stop. But, who were you kidding? They weren't going to budge.
"Tough girl, huh?" Keyes snarled as he stood up, pulling an orange lighter from his pocket. He flicked it open, flames slithering out. "Good thing I like tough girls. And, I also have another game."
You spit at him again, but he was too far away for it to reach him. "Go to hell!"
"I was going to tell you the rules, but since you wanna be so feisty, you can figure it out as we go."
He moved closer to you and reached up to your arms. You screamed out as the flames licked up your left arm, testing your restraints once more and trying with all your might to swing to the right, away from Keyes and his lighter. As you screamed, Keyes counted.
Then, he went to the other arm and did the same thing, counting to the same number and pulling the lighter away. But, since you kept screaming, he kept counting.
He then moved the lighter around your stomach for six seconds, and you screamed for another two. "You know what this means? Eight seconds the next place I light up. If you shut your goddamn mouth, I wouldn't have to do this."
"Fuck you!" You felt a wave of nausea again and this time, you knew you weren't going to be able to keep it down. "I'm gonna- I'm gonna--" And then you puked right down yourself. If you didn't already feel humiliated and at the mercy of Keyes, you sure did now. Chained up, covered in your own vomit, and just waiting to be burned once more.
This was how you were going to die. At this point, you just needed to accept it. Maybe if you shut up, you'd be able to die in a little less pain than you were currently in.
Keyes laughed at how helpless you were and moved his lighter to your collarbone. "No, no, please! Please just kill me! Please!" you pleaded.
"Where's the fun in that?"
Then, he held the lighter to your collarbone. You screamed and tried to get away from the lighter, but you were losing energy and through the pain, you remembered what Keyes said: If you shut your goddamn mouth, I wouldn't have to do this. So, you screamed for two seconds and bit your tongue as hard as you could to keep from yelling out once again, making more seconds get added to your burns.
"You're learning. That's good," Keyes said as he played with the lighter, making the flames go in between his fingers.
"I'll be quiet I promise!"
"Two more seconds." He moved the lighter to your thigh and was about to flick it to make fire spit out when he was loudly interrupted.
"Derek! We gotta go! They found us!"
Keyes threw the open lighter to the ground. "Looks like you'll actually get your death wish."
Then, he bolted out the door as you watched the flames moving across the concrete, quickly starting to burn the pile of rope that sat next to the wall, only making the fire accelerate.
***
"Turn left!" Jay yelled to Voight.
"Is that smoke?" Hailey asked.
Jay saw the black smoke. "That means a house is burning! Call CFD!" he yelled, his Rangers training and all the things he saw in Afghanistan paying off once again.
"This is 5021 Squad, requesting CFD-- Jay, is this close to where you were?"
Jay's face paled, realizing what Voight was insinuating. "Oh my God."
"This is 5021 Squad," Voight started again, "Requesting CFD and Rescue Squad. We have a house fire and possible victim inside in an unknown condition. Offenders assumed to be fleeing, patrol be advised."
***
Your eyelids felt heavy as you felt the flames licking the wall next to you, dangerously close.
Please let me pass out from smoke inhalation. Please let me pass out from smoke inhalation, you thought to yourself. After all, if you were going to end up being burned alive, you'd prefer to be unconscious when it occurred; it'd hurt less.
You thought that you might actually get your way for once today, two days? You didn't know how long you had been here. Your eyelids fluttered closed and you thought you were alive, but then you heard someone calling out to you.
Severide?
The first person you thought you'd hear from or see when you got to heaven, you assumed was going to be your mom, but apparently, that had changed.
"Want Mom," you mumbled, hoping she'd appear out of thin air. Because, you were in heaven and that's what angels do, right?
"Fire Department, call out!"
Why was Severide dead and why was he saying to call out? You were dead so why did you need saving?
"Fire Department, call out!" another voice yelled.
Wait, was that Cruz?
Holy shit, you weren't dead...not yet at least.
"In here," you tried to be as loud as you could, using the last energy you had, but it was just your normal talking voice. So, with all the strength you had left, you tried to clang the chains connected to your wrists and the ceiling together, hoping they'd make enough sound so that they could find you.
"Cruz, get the bolt cutters and cut these chains off her!" you heard Kelly yell. "I'll catch her and then we'll get outta here!"
The smoke hurt your eyes and you were so, so tired.
You felt yourself falling and your eyes shot open in fear. You tried to move out of the hold, but everything hurt...especially the newly added burns from Keyes which were especially tender.
"Y/N, relax. It's just me, it's Kelly."
"Kelly," you muttered, closing your eyes and slipping into an unconscious state.
"I need a medic!" Kelly yelled as he carried you out of the burning house and towards the second ambulance.
Jay was sitting in the first one, getting the cut on his stomach looked at. "Y/N!"
He moved to try and stand to get over to you, but he was pushed back down. "You can see her at the hospital," the paramedic told him. "I can't have you ripping the cut more than it is."
"Jay, she's in good hands," Hailey said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Please, just tell me she's alive." He made eye contact with Kelly who looked at Sylvie. She nodded.
"She's alive, Jay."
***
"Dr. Marcel, trauma victim is two minutes out!" Maggie yelled to Crockett who was standing at a computer, finishing some charts.
"I'll help," Will volunteered.
"Good, know anything else about the victim?"
"Kidnapping victim." Maggie paused, listening to the radio. "Will, you can't treat this patient."
"What do you mean I can't treat this patient?" he asked, taking a step closer to Maggie.
"Will, it's Y/N."
"What?"
"I don't need a wheelchair, Hailey! I can walk!" Jay yelled as he entered the ED, to be met with a shock-faced Will.
"Give it to me," Marcel said as Sylvie rolled you in on the stretcher, still unconscious.
"Y/N Halstead, 20-year-old female, kidnapping victim. Diminished breath sounds, most likely from smoke inhalation. First-degree burns on her stomach, shoulder, and collarbone, needs stitches in her right wrist and a tetanus shot. No broken bones that we could find, but it wouldn't hurt to check. Bruising on a lot of her body, but it looks superficial. Go through concussion protocol as well. There's a big bump on her head," Sylvie answered.
"Thanks, Brett."
"Trauma three!"
Will just stood, staring at you being pushed into the trauma room. Then, he flicked his eyes up at Jay. You were here because of Jay.
"She's gonna be okay, right Will?" Jay asked, walking closer to his older brother.
Will said nothing.
"Will!" Jay yelled once more.
Will's eyes darkened and he looked down at Jay. "She's here because of you!" If Jay had a shirt on, Will would've grabbed him by his collar. "You could've gotten her out of there and you didn't!"
"I tried! We tried to escape and they caught her. They took me instead of her to go back--"
"They took you back instead of her? God, did you even try to fight back, or did you just let them take her back and torture her?"
"Are kidding me right now? You don't think I tried? Look at me! I fucking tried but they chained me to a fucking wall, Will! There wasn't much I could do from there!"
"Okay, okay," Hailey said, stepping between the two men and placing her hands on Jay's chest. "Let's go get you stitched up. And, you two better work this out before Y/N wakes up. Because she will wake up."
***
Will tapped the glass of the entrance to Jay's hospital room, seeing as it was midnight and Will was working a double shift, he had grabbed some coffee to keep him awake. And, knowing Jay, he knew that he wouldn't sleep at a time like this, so he grabbed him a coffee, too.
Hailey had gotten up to go to the bathroom before Will had gotten there, leaving Jay alone. Jay looked up to see who was knocking and nodded his head, allowing his older brother to enter.
"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," Will apologized, handing Jay his coffee. "I know you tried your hardest, it's just, I'm used to seeing you come here in an ambulance, but seeing Y/N? That hits different. It's like everything I learned in med school flew out the window the minute Brett brought her through the ED doors."
"If only we didn't try to escape, then she could've gone when Keyes' people went to do the deal and she wouldn't be in this mess," Jay sighed, taking a sip of his coffee, being careful not to move his left arm too much.
"How's the shoulder?" Will asked.
"I didn't break it. Just hurts a lot. They said if I would've hit it a few more times I would've broken it though."
Will nodded, wanting to ask Jay how the hell you got yourself into this mess. But, he didn't want Jay to shut him down.
"Out with it," Jay prompted. "I know that look. It's when you want to say something, but won't."
Will raked a hand through his hair, tugging on the roots. "How did she even get in this mess to begin with?"
"We were just going to get lunch, that's all we were doing." Jay's voice grew quieter, as he realized that this entire thing was wholly on him and no one else. "I got pulled over and it was- it was Keyes. Must've stolen a patrol car. I- I told her to get down and call 911, but they heard her on the phone. They heard her on the phone and grabbed her, Will. I tried to fight back, but then I was drugged and..." He stopped and looked down. Then, he set his coffee on the table and put his face in his hands as his body began to shake with sobs.
Will stood up and put his hand on Jay's good shoulder, rubbing back and forth. "When I woke up, I was tied to- to a pipe and I heard- I heard her screaming for me."
"Hey, hey, it's okay. She's safe now. She's safe."
And, then Will's pager went off, alerting him that he had an incoming victim of a car crash. "I gotta go, little brother, but Hailey's back." He gave Jay's shoulder one last squeeze and slipped out of the room.
"Jay, I know what you're doing," Hailey said, dragging a chair across the small room to be closer to him. "None of this is your fault."
"But it is, Hailey! If I didn't have the brilliant idea to try and get her to go through that air vent and escape, she wouldn't be here right now."
"You were doing what you thought would get her out of harm's way. You did what you were supposed to do. It just...didn't work out quite right this time."
"Obviously. God, if they would've just taken me instead..."
"Hey, hey. Jay, look at me," Hailey said sternly, grabbing his face in her hands when he looked up at her. "She is safe now and I know for a fact that when Y/N wakes up, she's gonna need you. She can't have you spiraling. She's gonna need all the help, support, and love she can get."
"But what if she hates me?" Jay whispered. "I'm the reason she's in all that pain."
"She could never hate you, not now, not ever. And, Keyes is the reason she's in all that pain. Not you, most definitely not you."
***
You woke up to the steady hum of machines and you felt something in your arm.
Keyes was going to drug you just like he did to Jay. And the machines were so that he could electrocute you.
"Please wake up," you heard Jay mutter.
If he was here, that means the deal didn't go down as planned and Jay probably had more injuries. You couldn't open your eyes, for fear of what condition your big brother would be in because of you. If only you had gotten over that fence...
They didn't know you were awake yet, so you fumbled with the needle in your arm, hoping to pull it out to stop any more drugs from invading your system.
You jumped back as you felt someone's hand on your arm, keeping the needle in and your eyes shot open, to be met with just Jay.
You moved away from him, knowing that if he was back, Keyes would follow.
"I need some help in here!" Jay yelled as you reached once more for the needle in your arm.
"Y/N, we need you to calm down!" Maggie told you as she ran in, grabbing your hand to pull it off the arm where the IV was. "You're in the hospital, at Chicago Med. Will's here, but he's with a patient."
That was when you finally took in your surroundings. The hum of the machines were the monitors, and whatever was going into your body were drugs, but they were to get you better.
Your heart rate steadily slowed, until it was back to its normal rhythm. "There you go," Maggie said as she handed you a cup of water which you gladly drank. "I'll get Will and Dr. Marcel."
"Thanks, Maggie," Jay said, finally sitting down again. You ran the fingers of your left hand over the stitches on your right wrist and started poking at them. "Uh, no," Jay told you as he saw what you were doing. You looked up at him. "I know it's your first time getting stitches, but I can promise you, as someone who has gotten over 100, they aren't as interesting as they seem."
Luckily, Jay was saved from telling you to stop messing with stuff when Will and Crockett entered.
"Y/N, you're okay, kid," Will said as he gave you a small hug, careful of your injuries. You just looked at him and nodded.
"Now, Miss Halstead," Marcel began, "how are you feeling?" You didn't say anything, just kept staring. "Does anything hurt?" Again, he received no response.
Will and Marcel shared a looked, they knew what this could be. And, that didn't go unnoticed by Jay. "What? What's going on?"
"She could have sustained other neurological injuries besides her concussion, as it seems like she can't hear us," Marcel answered.
"You're saying our sister's deaf?" Jay asked, horrified.
"That's not what I'm saying, but it is a possibility. I just need to do a quick neuro exam to be sure."
He reached into his pocket, causing you to flinch and move back on the bed, your heart rate rising as you remembered Keyes reaching into his pocket to grab the lighter. This did not go unnoticed by the three men in the room.
"Jay, hand me that whiteboard and marker behind you, would you?" Will asked.
Jay handed it to him. "What are you doing?"
"Writing down what Dr. Marcel's doing so that Y/N knows. Because, if she did lose her hearing, she has no idea what he's grabbing right now."
"Oh," was all Jay said. If his sister went deaf all because of him, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.
Marcel's grabbing a flashlight, you read. And then he's gonna shine it in your eyes and you have to follow it w/o moving your head.
You nodded, understanding what he was doing, even though you could hear the whole conversation.
You completed the exam and everything seemed neurologically intact. The two doctors shared a look. "Jay, come with us," Will said.
"I'll be right back," Jay told you. He thought about squeezing your hand but thought it might be too early for him to do that without warning. When you squeezed Marcel's hand during the neuro exam, that didn't freak you out because Will had written it on the whiteboard, telling you what was about to happen.
"What's going on? She did everything right in there," Jay asked once they were out of the room.
"Everything is neurologically intact," Marcel answered.
"But..."
"But, she's traumatized, to say the least."
"So you're telling me that our sister won't talk because she's been through trauma?" Jay asked, quieter this time.
"Short answer, yes."
"Why?"
"There's a multitude of reasons. She might not feel safe and comfortable yet. Your captor might have told her if she talked, that he'd hurt her."
"He never said that to her," Jay said. "Not when I was there anyway." Then, he turned to his brother. "She's gonna talk, right? She won't be like this forever?"
"It's all up to Y/N, now," Will answered. "She'll talk when she feels like talking."
"Care to give me a timeline on that?"
"Could be hours, days, months. I've heard stories in my psych rotation of it taking years."
"So what do we do?"
"You just be there for her," Marcel answered Jay's question. "Both of you."
***
2 days since kidnapping
You were finally headed home after being stuck in the hospital, not that it really mattered to you anyway. The only difference was that you would get to sleep in your own bed and look at the pile of homework on your desk that should be getting done, but not doing it.
Jay unlocked the front door and you walked inside, glad to be home. "I'm gonna make us some breakfast. Anything specific you want?" Jay asked. You just shrugged. "Okay, breakfast burritos it is then."
You headed into the bathroom to shower while Jay was making breakfast. You hadn't looked at yourself in the mirror since you had been kidnapped, and quite frankly, you had no desire to. You had seen the number Keyes had done on your stomach, arms, and thighs, and you didn't want to see what he did to your face. If it looked as bad as it felt though, it'd give a toddler nightmares.
You stood in the shower, using mostly cold water, so your burns didn't hurt too badly. You used a washcloth in place of a loofa to avoid opening any stitches, cuts, or burns. And, you had switched out your face wash with Jay's since his didn't have scrubbing beads in it, so they didn't irritate the bruises on your face.
You showered and changed into your comfiest pajamas (careful to have your back to the mirror while changing so you didn't so much as peek at yourself), and wrapped yourself in your favorite blanket. You grabbed gauze, bandages, and the cream you were supposed to put on your burns to have Jay help you re-wrap your burn on your left arm. Then, you walked back into the kitchen, to see Jay wrapping up your burrito.
"Not only are we eating burritos, but you're one, too," Jay joked, referring to you being wrapped in a blanket, as he set the plate of food down in front of you.
You shrugged and nodded. You set the supplies on the table and then held your arm out to him. He moved a chair closer to you and spread the cream on the burn, put the bandages on top, and then wrapped it in the gauze. "Not too tight, is it?"
You shook your head no and then started to nibble on your burrito.
By the time you were only halfway done, Jay had eaten two burritos and put his plate in the dishwasher. "You're not getting up from the table until you finish that," Jay stated, turning to you.
You scowled at him, but he just smiled back. "I'll even watch Survivor with you while you eat. And we can watch as many episodes as you want...but if you don't finish that, we're only watching one episode. Sound good?"
You looked at him and nodded, and he went off to his bedroom to grab his laptop.
The episode started to play and you knew which one it was immediately: the three amigos episode where your favorite castaway was at the bottom with his two alliance members and they all played immunity idols to avoid going home that night. You looked at Jay and nodded, telling him that he made a good choice.
You slowly but surely finished your burrito, not before heating it back up in the microwave during the ad breaks, just before the end of the episode. "You know what episode comes next, right?" Jay asked as if you had no idea. "The one where Malcolm gets voted off."
That was your favorite player in Survivor that season, but seeing as you had seen that episode before, you knew it was coming. So, you just shrugged and moved to the couch to continue your binge-watching.
***
Jay slowly closed his laptop, trying to make as little noise as possible so he didn't wake you. The two of you had broken for meals and to go to the bathroom, but other than that, you had watched Survivor all day. Typically, Jay hated sitting around all day and doing nothing, since that meant he was being unproductive, something he had learned from his years in the military. But, seeing how distracted you looked when watching the show even though you knew what was going to happen, he knew he couldn't just leave you after everything that had happened.
You had fallen asleep halfway through the episode, so Jay finished it by himself, but was sure to jot down the time in case you wanted to finish watching it tomorrow. He turned on the lamp on the small table next to you and put a glass of water next to you in case you woke up in the middle of the night.
Typically, he'd sleep with a fan on, something that you now did as well, but tonight, tonight that was not going to happen. He knew he had to have as little background noise as possible in case you woke up screaming or gasping in the middle of the night.
***
You were chained to the ceiling once again. And, just like last time, your feet didn't touch the ground so you just hung there, practically limp. But, unlike last time, Derek Keyes was nowhere in sight.
You strained your ears to try and hear anything that would alert you that he was coming but you heard nothing, absolutely nothing except the clink of the chains when you moved.
That was until you heard yelling, Jay yelling to be precise.
"I said you for the drugs and this," There was a pause, you assumed so that Keyes could show whatever the hell it was to your brother. "this is not drugs!"
You heard Jay yell and then you heard a sound, like someone dragging a sack of potatoes across the floor. And, it was getting louder.
The door opened, revealing Keyes dragging Jay inside the room, followed closely by an associate of his. You tried to swing back.
"Get her down," Keyes commanded. "And then tie her up with that rope over there. Make sure her hands are tied in front of her though and leave a line of rope dragging on the floor."
"Don't touch her!" Jay spat with all the energy he had left.
Keyes punched Jay in the face. "Shut the fuck up!"
Jay spat out blood and made eye contact with you. I'm sorry he mouthed. You sucked in a breath, knowing that this would not be good for either of you if Jay was apologizing before anything even happened.
You were roughly taken down from the chains and tied up in the corner now. You could probably try and walk around, try and make a run for it even, but your hands were tied in front of you and that door would be too heavy for you to push open without them tied up. You needed a code, too. So, there was no escaping.
"Now, you're taking her place and you just get to watch," Keyes said as he chained Jay up to the ceiling.
"Do whatever you want to me! Just leave her alone!"
Keyes punched Jay in the stomach. "What did I say? Shut up!"
Keyes then walked over to you, pulling a lighter from his pocket. You tugged on the rope as hard as you could, moving your entire upper body to try and get loose, but it was no use.
"Now, I'm going to light the end of this and it's going to slowly travel up the rope and to your hands. Maybe I'll put the fire out when it just gets your hands, maybe I'll let you die a slow and painful death by fire. You'll just have to wait and see."
"Keyes you can do whatever you want with me! Just don't touch her!" Jay yelled, pulling on the chains and trying to move closer to you.
Keyes flicked open the lighter.
"Please no," you whimpered. He crouched down at the end of the rope, the flame dancing dangerously close to it.
Then, you heard a crash. Did Jay somehow pull off the unthinkable and break out of his chains?
"Y/N, Y/N wake up."
Wake up? What did that mean? You were awake. If you weren't you wouldn't feel the rope digging into your wrists--
You jolted awake as you felt someone gently touch your shoulder.
"Y/N, it's Jay. You're at home on the couch. You're safe." At this, you went to sit up but were stopped when you felt a wetness on your right wrist as if it had been sitting in water.
You turned and looked at your hand. It was covered in blood. Then, you looked at the floor and saw the broken water glass that Jay must've left out for you.
"I'm gonna throw a few towels on the floor and then we're gonna get you cleaned up, okay? Looks to me like you threw out a few stitches."
He left to go grab a few towels and then came back--this time with shoes on--and laid them on the floor. "Do you mind if I quick pick you up just to get you into the hallway? Wouldn't want you to get glass in your foot and have to get more stitches." You hesitated, but nodded, allowing Jay to carry you to the hallway, your blanket still wrapped around your shoulders, where he then set you back down and you followed him to the bathroom.
Jay flicked on the light and pulled out the first kit, while you pushed yourself up onto the counter using your good wrist.
"I need you to rinse it out," Jay said as he reached over and turned on the faucet. "That way, if it's really bad, I can tell and call Will to come over here. But, maybe we'll get lucky and we can just wrap it up for right now and get it restitched in the morning."
You placed your wrist under the running water, thankful that Jay had tested the temperature to make sure that it was not too hot and not too cold. After a few seconds, you took it back out and allowed Jay to gently pat it dry with a towel. Then, he looked at it and came up with his verdict.
"I think I know what happened," Jay started.
You furrowed your eyebrows. You didn't even know how this happened, so how did he know?
"I think you kept rubbing your wrist back and forth on that jagged edge of the table because there's a splinter in here." You jerked your arm away from him, hiding your hand back under the safety of your blanket. Ain't no way in hell he was digging into your open wound with a pair of tweezers, no way in hell.
"Relax, I'm not gonna take it out. I'm gonna call Will and he's gonna take it out and stitch you back up." You shook your head, no. No way were you even allowing your doctor brother to take a pair of tweezers into your open skin. "He'll numb it and everything, don't worry," Jay reassured you, pulling out his phone.
"Will! It's not Lanik calling to cover your shift, it's me." you listened to Jay's side of the conversation. "Y/N threw out some stitches and now there's a splinter in there, so I need you to come over and fix it." There was a pause. "Believe me, if I thought it could wait a few more hours, you wouldn't be getting this call." Another pause. "Yeah, you can just stay over here. No, just a blanket." Another pause, this time longer. "Yeah, I'll try and do that. See you soon."
He set his phone on the counter and turned back to you. "Okay, so here's the deal and I know you're not gonna like it." You raised an eyebrow at him, urging him to continue. "Will said that that needs to be wrapped in a clean towel." You pulled your wrist tighter against the fabric of your blanket. "And that is not going to cut it."
You shook your head, no. Your blanket was warm and it made you feel safe and secure when it was wrapped tightly around you. "Y/N, it's got blood on it." He paused, trying to figure out how he could do this. "Tell you what, if you let me wrap your wrist in a clean towel, I'll let you use my weighted blanket while yours is in the wash. Deal?"
Jay offering you his weighted blanket? What kind of fever dream was this?
Will had gotten that blanket for Jay when he got home from Afghanistan for the second time to help ease his nightmares. He kept it in his closet most nights now, but you did see him using it after some particularly rough cases. One of those times being when he had been kidnapped by Keyes the first time.
You nodded, telling him that you had a deal, and out your arm. He pulled a clean hand towel out of the closet and the medical tape from the first aid kit. Then, he wrapped up your wrist, not without you wincing, and taped it.
"Now, do you want to go to your room or the living room to wait for Will?" You pointed to yourself. "Your room it is then. Can I take that blanket? I promise I'll be back with the weighted one in three minutes tops," he promised.
Reluctantly you handed over the blanket, which blood had soaked through in a small spot, and then made your way into your room.
True to his word, Jay came back in holding his gray weighted blanket. He placed it over your shoulders, seeing as you were currently staring off into space, your mind wandering back to the nightmare that caused all of this.
What if Intelligence hadn't gotten Keyes the drugs? Was that what would've happened?
"Y/N," you were pulled out of your thoughts by Jay softly saying your name. You looked up at him. "Whatever you dreamt out there--because I know you were dreaming since I had to wake you up--it isn't real. Keyes is locked up and he won't ever be getting out." He didn't know that for sure, he just knew they had him and his associates in county at the moment, awaiting sentencing. But, he'd say anything to ease your fears.
You nodded half-heartedly at him and he looked at your desk, textbooks still open to where that had been before the kidnapping. "If you want to take a semester off, that's fine. If you want to go back or see if you can finish the semester online, that's fine, too."
You shrugged. In all honesty, you had no idea what you wanted to do. You knew you wanted to finish the semester because you didn't want all of your tuition money to go to waste, you just didn't know how you'd do it, if you even could do it.
"You don't have to make a decision now or even in a week, just keep it in mind." Jay grabbed your laptop off your desk and set it on your bed. "Mind if I sit next to you?"
You moved over, allowing him to sit on your bed and he opened the laptop and passed it to you, silently telling you to put in your password. You did so and handed it back to him. "Figured we could finish the episode you fell asleep watching."
Just as the episode had finished loading, you heard a door open and you pushed yourself back further into the bed. You could jump off and hide in the closet if you needed to. You didn't think you could fit under your bed anymore, but it was worth a try if--
"Jay! It's Will! Where are you two?"
You visibly relaxed as you heard his voice. Jay placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Breathe, it's just Will. It's just Will." He gave you a second to take a deep breath and exhale. "Good. Now, I'm gonna go get him and you're gonna go in the bathroom. We'll meet you there. Is that okay with you?" You nodded. "Good."
You made your way into the bathroom and sat on the counter again, your--well actually Jay's--blanket, still wrapped around you.
"Hey," Jay greeted Will as he stood in the living room, holding his medical bag, a backpack which Jay assumed held clothes since he was going to just spend the rest of the night here, a small whiteboard, and a pack of dry-erase markers. "What are the whiteboard and markers for?" Jay asked, taking Will's medical bag from him.
"Figured if Y/N was up to it, she could write on the board so we know what she's saying."
"Good idea."
"That's why I'm the doctor and you're the cop."
"Shut up. Y/N's in the bathroom waiting for you."
Will and Jay entered the bathroom to be met with you sitting on the floor sobbing. "Whoa, whoa," Jay exclaimed, crouching down next to you. "What happened?"
You shook your head, not wanting to tell your brothers. "It's okay," Will started, crouching down on the other side of you. He handed you the whiteboard and a purple marker, your favorite color.
You stared at it, wondering if you could do it. So, you just scribbled NO.
"Wanna tell us why?" Jay prompted.
You'll laugh at me.
"No we won't. We promise," Will reassured you.
You squeezed your eyes closed, letting more tears fall before you finally decided to tell them. I looked in the mirror for the first time since
You didn't finish writing the sentence, only set the whiteboard down and waited for them to read it.
Neither of them knew how to respond, because how did they respond to their little sister seeing her face covered in faded bruises for the first time? Jay wanted to say that it would all be okay, that he knew how you were feeling because of the number of times he had looked in the mirror and saw bruises on his face and body, whether in the rangers or from being a cop, but he knew it was different. It was different because being a girl came with more insecurities, one of them being your skin. And, even though you didn't wear makeup, this was different than not wearing makeup. You chose to not wear makeup. You didn't choose to have this happen to you.
So, Jay just wrapped one arm around you protectively and Will squeezed your good hand, both reminding you that they were there, even though they had no idea what to say at the moment. And, that was all you needed: comfort from family while you cried out all that you had been holding in.
After staying in that position for about ten minutes, you were finally calm enough to push yourself up onto the counter and let Will do his job. He unzipped his medical bag and pulled out a syringe and a bottle, of what you assumed to be the liquid that would numb the affected area.
"Hey, turn away now because I'm getting the needle out," Will told you. He turned to Jay. "You might want to, too."
You weren't afraid of needles per say, you just didn't like to see how big they were before you got the injection. It always helped to look away when you were getting an injection and to not look at it while the nurse or doctor was prepping.
Surprisingly, Jay was fine. Usually, his hands get all clammy and his face gets a bit pale. You just chalked it up to him not being the one being stuck with the needle this time. "I'm not gonna lie to you, Y/N," Will started, "This is gonna hurt since it's going into an open wound."
"Man, why would you tell her that?" Jay exclaimed as he unwrapped the towel from your wrist.
"Thought she might need to be prepared. Now, I'm just gonna wipe it down with some disinfectant and then give you the local anesthetic, and then I can get the sutures in."
Jay held out his hand for you, silently telling you to squeeze it. Will wiped it down and that didn't feel so bad.
"Hey, hey, look at me," Jay coaxed as he watched Will pick up the syringe. "Squeeze my hand as hard as possible. You won't hurt me, I promise."
Then, you felt the pain of the needle in your skin as you squeezed your eyes shut, gritted your teeth, and squeezed the ever-loving life out of Jay's hand. But, after five seconds, the needle was out and after a minute, you couldn't feel your wrist.
You let go of Jay's hand and Will pulled out a pair of tweezers to remove the splinter. After that, he disinfected the area once more and put in new stitches.
"Good as new," he told you.
Thanks, you wrote on the whiteboard.
"No problem, kid." You stifled a yawn. "Go get some sleep. We'll still be here in the morning. Promise."
You rewrapped the weighted blanket around yourself and looked at Jay, silently asking if you could keep it for the night. "I guess you can keep it just for tonight," he relented as your blanket had just finished in the washing machine and still needed to be dried. "Besides, if I need anything, I've got this knucklehead here to keep me company."
"Who you calling knucklehead, knucklehead?"
You rolled your eyes at their immaturity and walked to your room to go to sleep. But, instead of turning off the lights all the way like you normally did, you dimmed them. You knew you would be using that dimmer for awhile.
***
Will walked into your room the next morning--well, closer to afternoon actually--to see you still wrapped in Jay's weighted blanket, laying on top of your other bed sheets and comforter. The lights were still on and he was shocked that Jay didn't turn them off when he woke up this morning and it started to get light out.
"Y/N. Y/N, wake up." He gently touched your blanket-covered shoulder, making you flutter your eyes open ad look at him. "Morning, sleepyhead. Your head hurt? Any nausea?"
He waited for a beat to see if you would speak and when you didn't, he handed you the whiteboard and the marker.
No, why?
"Because it's 11 o'clock and you don't normally sleep this late and you have a concussion, so I'm worried about post-concussion symptoms."
I'm fine.
"Okay, well I'm gonna go make some food, give you some time to wake up."
You picked up your phone and saw a text from Jay telling you that your blanket should be dry and that he was at the district and would be home later.
You went into the kitchen and were about to go get your blanket from the dryer when you heard the flickering sound of a burner being turned on. Your eyes landed on the flame and you slowly walked backward, afraid that it would somehow burn you even though it was twenty feet away.
You winced as you backed into the table, hitting your low back. Immediately, Will turned off the burner and turned around. "Y/N? You okay?" You stood still and stared at the stove. "Hey, that noise was just the burner turning on. It wasn't anything else, I promise."
You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded. Then, you dropped the blanket and made your way to the bathroom to go take a shower.
"If you're showering, be careful with your stitches!" Will yelled to you. "And, I'll help you re-wrap your burns after, too if you need."
You undressed and gently unwrapped the bandages from your burns.
Keyes did this to you.
Keyes' lighter did this to you.
Fire did this to you.
***
"Hey, man, good to have you back," Adam greeted Jay as he walked into the bullpen.
"Thanks," he replied, taking a seat on the edge of Hailey's desk.
"How are you doing?" Hailey asked. "You look tired."
"I mean, I've been better, obviously," Jay answered, rubbing a hand on his face. "Y/N popped some stitches last night when she had a nightmare, so we had to call Will and deal with that in the middle of the night."
"Halstead, here to make your statement?" Voight asked as he emerged from his office.
"Yeah, you wanna just do it out here? Because I know all of you want to know what happened and it'll save me a lot of talking if I only have to say it once."
"If that's what you wanna do, then we can do that."
Voight grabbed a notepad and a pen. "Start from the beginning."
"We were just going to grab lunch, that's all..."
Once he was done giving his statement, Jay was drained needless to say. He was in the locker room and God, all he could think of were your pleas for help when you were both held captive. He was sitting against the lockers, head in his hands, quiet sobs leaving his lips.
"Jay," Hailey alerted as she walked into the locker room. She slid down the lockers next to him. "Jay, hey, it's okay."
"It's not okay, Hailey!" He yelled. He took a deep breath. "Sorry, it's just, she hasn't said a goddamn word since she was rescued from that house."
Hailey wrapped her arm around Jay, allowing him to lay his head on her chest. "And you're keeping all your emotions in to stay strong for her so she doesn't break any more than she already is, aren't you?"
"How did you know that?" he whispered.
"Because I know you, Jay. You always look out for others but sometimes you forget to look out for yourself. Just remember that I'm here if you need me."
"Thank you."
Hailey ran a comforting hand through his hair. "What if she- what if she doesn't forgive me?"
"She knows it's not your fault. You did everything you could. Hell, you even tried to get her to escape all while knowing it would be worse for you when Keyes came back. You did a good thing, Jay."
"She looked at herself in the mirror for the first time last night," Jay stated.
"What?" Hailey asked, confused.
"She hadn't looked in the mirror since before all this went down. Me and Will walked into the bathroom and she was sobbing. I didn't even know what to say to that. What do I do if she doesn't talk again, Hailey? I didn't know what to say when she broke down last night. If I can't do that, how am I going to handle the rest of this?"
"You just have to remember one thing. Y/N's still in there. It might take a little digging, but underneath all the dirt that Keyes buried her in, she's still there, just underneath it. You and Will just need to dig her out, one shovel-full at a time. And, I'm sure all of us will help with some of that digging."
"Thank you," Jay choked out.
How did I get so lucky? he thought to himself.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, Hailey still running a hand through Jay's hair and giving him the comfort he so desperately needed.
"I better get going," Jay whispered.
"I understand."
Jay stood up first and held out his hand to help Hailey up. He splashed some water in his face and dried it, trying to get rid of the tear stains and Hailey took something out of her locker.
"What's this?" he asked, taking the book, Corrupt, and a bag of pumpkin spice coffee from her.
"I saw the book on Y/N's to-read list on Goodreads and figured she could use the distraction. And, I remember her complaining one day about running out of pumpkin spice coffee."
"Where'd you find it? She looked everywhere for it and she couldn't find it because it's out of season."
"Never underestimate the power of Amazon," Hailey smiled.
"You're the best, Hails, really."
"So I've been told."
Jay rolled his eyes at that comment and the two parted ways, but not before Jay gave her a quick kiss on the cheek when no one was watching.
***
"How's she doing?" Jay whispered to Will as he entered the house.
Will motioned for Jay to follow him since you were sitting on the couch watching tv.
"I turned on the stove and she freaked, man," Will told his brother as soon as they were in Jay's room safely out of earshot of you. "She just like backed into the table and then she went and took a shower and everything was normal after that."
"Still no talking?"
"Not a word."
"Damn."
"She'll come around. She's a Halstead, our stubborn asses don't go down without a fight."
"You're right about that."
"I'm always right, little brother. We just have to wait."
"I don't think I have to tell you that Halsteads don't have a patient bone in their bodies. And, you are not always right. If I recall correctly, you violated a DNR your first year at Med, which was wrong."
"Okay, so I've been wrong sometimes, but I'm right most of the time."
"Shut up. Now get out so I can change."
You were continuing your Survivor binge when you felt the couch dip next to you. You looked up to see Jay.  I didn't even know you were home, you scribbled on your whiteboard.
"Just got home about ten minutes ago. I tried to be quiet in case you were sleeping. Hailey got these for you."
He handed you a book and a bag of coffee. How'd she know?
"Mentioned something about you complaining about being out of that coffee and she looked on that one website you use for your books."
Goodreads?
"Yeah, that."
You better keep her. I approve.
"Shut up," Jay joked. "And you better erase that before Will sees."
You erased it just before Will returned, this time carrying a bowl of popcorn. He sat down on the other side of you.  "Now, what episode are we on?"
And, you picked up the remote started the next episode.
***
4 weeks since kidnapping
"Coffee, kid?" Jay asked as you sat at the table eating a bagel. You had been up for two hours already and it was only seven am. You nodded at him and he pulled out another mug from the cupboard. "How long have been up? You're looking a little tired."
2 hours you wrote on the whiteboard.
Even though it's been a month and the bruises had disappeared, the burns had turned into scars, and the stitches had been removed, one thing hadn't healed: your will to talk. Everyone around you had been waiting for you to utter a single word, but it hadn't come yet. They'd gotten used to you writing in dry erase marker to communicate.
You had resumed all of your classes online so that you didn't have to go to class. At first, some professors were skeptical that you'd be able to pass the class because of how much time you missed, but when you, Will, and Jay showed up to your university's administrators and your  academic advisor to explain the situation accompanied by Voight, they relented. It helped to have the most infamous cop in Chicago on your side.
You put your head in your hands. "Hey, hey." Jay placed a hand on your shoulder and bent down so his eyes were level with yours. You lifed your head. "Everything's gonna be okay. We're gonna get through today and the next and the next. We've made it this far. We've got no choice but to continue," he told you, the last two quotes being something that Mouse had told him when they had both returned from Afghanistan as shells of the men they had previously been.
"And before you question me, I know this because you're coming to the district with me today. And, no, it's not up for discussion."
Okay, but I'm driving myself, you wrote, not in the mood to argue right now.  
"Listen, as long as you go, I could care less how you get there."
***
"Morning mini Halstead," Adam said as you entered the district.
"Damn, Ruz. Not running late for once? I'm shocked," Jay joked.
"I'll have you know that I am very punctual."
"Wow, using big boy words," Jay quipped as he punched in the code and then placed his hand on the palm scanner.
"Morning, Jay," Hailey said, giving Jay a kiss once he was settled at his desk.
"Morning, Hails."
Adam made a gagging sound and you smacked him on the chest. Shut up, they're cute, you wrote on your whiteboard.
"Yeah, Adam! Shut up, we're cute!" Jay yelled.
Yes, now everyone knew that Hailey and Jay were a couple. Yes, they had filled out the proper HR forms. No, neither had been fired. Yes, they were still partners. And, no, Will still hadn't given you your fifty bucks. Yes, he had probably forgotten all about the bet you two had made.
"Alright, everyone listen up!" Voight yelled as he came out of his office. "Seeing as everyone wanted to run out early last weekend, you know what day it is. Everyone's favorite: paperwork."
The unit groaned and you just scribbled on your whiteboard. Haha, you have to do big kid homework.
"Yeah, yeah, it's hilarious," Jay replied. "Now, if I'm not mistaken, you've been complaining about a test."
You rolled your eyes and walked into the breakroom, leaving the door open in case they started messing around and you wanted a break.
***
It was nearing eleven when you heard an unfamiliar voice in the bullpen. "Taser recertification day everyone. To testify in court, you need to be tased at least once every year to know the effects."
Taser. Keyes. Pain. Burns. Terrifying. No, Y/N, you can't think that. He's locked up 23 and one. Now, focus on your damn homework.
Which amendments are also known as the Reconstruction amendments?
Buzz
Buzz
Buzz
13th, 14th, and 15th amendments.
You heard Kevin grunt. "Bigger they are, the harder they fall."
What are the three clauses in the 13th amendment?
"Who's next?"
"Fine, I'll do it. Not like this hasn't happened before. Just, please do my shoulder. Lord knows I've taken more hits to my pecs and abdomen than I can count."
Yelling and groans of pain...from none other than your brother.
Keyes. Keyes had found you guys and he wanted to finish what he started. Somehow he had gotten in here and stolen the taser and now he had Jay. It was just a matter of time before he found you, too.
There weren't any perfect hiding places in here, but if you moved the couch you might be able to crouch behind it and call for help before he found you. You could call Kelly or Will and tell them to call another precinct to get over here and fix it. Because, if Keyes had gotten in here and gotten his hands on a taser, then the cops in the 21st district precinct obviously couldn't do their jobs.
You got off your chair, staying close to the ground to make it harder for Keyes to spot you. You pulled, moving half of the couch away from the wall.
"What was that?"
Shit, he found you.
You could fit behind there, right? Yeah, yeah you could fit behind there.
"Who moved the couch?"
You hugged your knees to your chest, hearing footsteps coming closer and closer to you, and squeezed your eyes shut.
Someone touched your arm and you uncurled yourself and started kicking. You heard someone moan in pain as you felt your boot-clad foot make contact with someone else. You hoped it was Keyes.
"Stop fighting! Stop fighting!" You felt another person coming closer and closer to you and you swung your arm out, palm making contact with what you assumed to be someone's cheek.
"Y/N! Y/N! It's me, Jay! The person you just slapped is Jay. And the person you kicked is Adam. You're in the district, you're safe."
You opened your eyes and slowly blinked a few times. You saw Jay in front of you holding his hands up in surrender, a red mark on his left cheek. Adam was rubbing his shin and Voight, Hailey, Kevin, and Kim were all standing in the doorway with looks of worry spread across their faces.
Tears began to roll down your cheeks. You couldn't believe you just did that.
Jay nodded to everyone and they left the room, Adam closing the door behind him. You looked down; you couldn't even bear to look at Jay.
"You're okay," he whispered. "Do you know where you are?" You nodded. "Good, that's good. That's really good."
You hugged your knees to your chest once more and frantically shook your head back and forth.
"I know you don't think it's okay, Y/N. But, I forgive you. I know it wasn't you who was doing that. Hell, I know better than anyone else in this unit. I know you're showing PTSD symptoms and that's fine. We just gotta take it day by day."
You finally looked up at him. Your lips began to tremble and your body shook with sobs. It had been a month! This should be over by now! You should be back to normal by now! Why the fuck couldn't you just get over it?
"I know it's hard, I know," Jay whispered. "Can I touch you?"
You nodded and he somehow squeezed himself next to you and wrapped you a hug, letting you cry it all out once more.
Ten minutes had passed and you were sure you had run out of tears when Jay said, "Let's go grab some Oreos from the vending machine downstairs, and then we can get out of here. What do you say?"
You nodded and he helped you to your feet. Then, you put everything in your backpack and walked out of the breakroom.
"You're okay little mama," Kevin said and enveloped you in a hug before you got past his desk. "You're good."
You managed to give him a small smile before you turned to Adam and pulled out your whiteboard.
I'm so sorry.
"It's not that bad, really. Beats getting kicked in the balls on a case any day."
You and Jay were walking down the stairs when you saw Voight. "Give that taser certification guy hell for me, will you?" Jay asked.
He nodded and gave you a pat on the back, Voight's version of a hug.
***
6 weeks since kidnapping
Jay put the finishing touches on your cupcake, complete with chocolate frosting and sprinkles, before sticking the candle in the top. Today was your 21st birthday. He had already made the mimosa you said you wanted to have when you woke up (you had mentioned it 3 months before and he had put it in his calendar to remind himself) and it was sitting in the fridge to keep cold. He grabbed his lighter and walked to your room.
Voight was nice enough to give him and Hailey the day off so they could spend it with you, during the day that was. You had mentioned that you wanted to go out with some friends to a bar, but that was before everything had happened six weeks ago, so he assumed it wasn't on. Nevertheless, he, Hailey, and Will were still on a mission to make this birthday memorable...even if your first drinking experience at a bar would happen at Molly's with your brothers and their friends instead of out at a bar or club with your friends.
He flicked on a lamp when he got to your room and then walked to your bedside, gently shaking your shoulder. "Y/N, wake up."
You rolled over and slowly opened your eyes and rubbed the sleep out of them. Seeing Jay with a cupcake in his hand, you gave him a close-lipped smile.
"Happy, happy birthday. Today's your special day. You just got a cupcake, now blow the flame away. Hey!" Jay sang and then pulled out an orange lighter and flicked it open.
Your eyes grew wide as the flame danced from the lighter and onto the candlewick.
"Make a wish." He held the cupcake closer to you.
"I'll be quiet, I promise!" You scrambled backward and into the furthest corner of your bed away from Jay and the fire he was currently holding towards you.
He hadn't heard you speak in a month and a half, no one had.
Quickly, Jay blew out the candle and pocketed the lighter. Holding his hands up in surrender, he just stared at you as you began to shake in fear.
"Y/N," Jay whispered, still holding his hands to show you that the lighter wasn't in his hands. "I'm not going to hurt you."
You didn't look up. You didn't stop shaking.
He was lying. It was a ploy to get you to talk so that he could burn you longer.
He took a risk and touched your arm and you yanked it away, expecting it to burn. "I'll be quiet, I promise!" you repeated.
"Y/N, it's Jay. Do you know where you are?" He flicked on the light, hoping that would help.
No answer.
"You're in Chicago. You're at home. It's your birthday. Keyes isn't going to burn you, I promise."
At the mention of Keyes and burns, you swatted at the air, hoping that you could knock the lighter out of Keyes' hand when he didn't have it flicked open.
"Okay, noted," Jay muttered to himself. He had never seen you this bad before, not right after the attack, not after the nightmare, hell not even after the taser recertification incident. You had never shaken in fear during any of those occurrences when your triggers made a surprise appearance.
But then, he put two and two together: him being taken away from you, you never being burned when he was there and then having burns when they rescued you, jumping when anyone turned on the stove, and now freaking out when he pulled out a lighter and lit a candle for you on your birthday, you not talking and promising to be quiet after he pulled out a lighter and moved the cupcake towards you. It all made sense now.
"Hey, I'll be right back, okay?" he told you, even though he knew you weren't able to hear him.
Jay made his way to his room and pulled out his gray weighted blanket. Then, he walked back into your room. You were only in your bra and underwear when you were with Keyes, so maybe having something else covering your body, despite the fact that you were currently fully clothed right now, would help.
Something soft and heavy landed on your legs. It didn't feel like Keyes was on top of you. It felt more comforting, calming, warm like you had more clothes on. Maybe Jay had somehow gotten his shirt back and had given it to you to keep you warm in this basement.
Wait, where did that lamp come from? There was only one lightbulb in here the last time you checked. And, why did it feel like you were sitting on something comfortable like a couch or a bed instead of on a cold, hard concrete floor?
Why was Jay standing up and not chained or tied to the wall? How did his face heal from the bruising so fast? Why was he wearing his pajamas?
Wait a minute, was that Jay's weighted blanket in your lap? And, was that your desk in the corner?
Jay noticed you looking around the room. "Do you know where you are now?" You nodded. "You know you're safe and in your room, right?" You nodded again, then took a deep breath and stretched out your legs, and moved forward, removing yourself from the corner and moving closer to Jay. "Do you still want your cupcake?"
You nodded and he handed it to you. "Are you okay going to see Dr. Charles today? I know you already had an appointment this week, but I think it might be good if you saw him again after what just happened." You nodded, agreeing with him. "You mind if Hailey comes over and stays with you? I gotta get ready and take care of something."
You gave him a thumbs up and he went to call Hailey while you sat in bed and tried to forget about the episode you just had by enjoying your cupcake.
***
"Halstead, what are you doing here?" Casey asked as Jay entered the firehouse after Hailey came over to stay with you.
"Oh thank God you guys are on shift. Severide here?" Jay asked.
"Yeah, in his office. Anything going on that I should know about?"
"Not really, I think I know why Y/N doesn't like fire though and I need the evidence pictures from the arson from when we were kidnapped to make sure I got it all straight."
Jay knocked on the door to Kelly's office and he looked up and waved him in.
"Jay, what are you doing here? Isn't it Y/N's birthday?" he asked, turning his chair around so he was now facing Jay instead of his desk.
"That's kinda why I'm here. She had an episode this morning when I gave her a cupcake. I tried to light the candle and then she flipped out and yelled I'll be quiet, I promise."
"She's talking?"
"All she did was repeat that sentence. The minute she saw the lighter and when the flame got close to her face, she freaked. So, I know this going to sound crazy, but is there any chance you found a small handheld lighter when you investigated the arson?"
"Let me see..." Kelly unlocked his filing cabinet and flipped through it, looking for the evidence file Jay had requested. "Here it is."
He laid the folder on the desk and Jay leaned over. He clenched his teeth as Kelly opened the folder, seeing the basement he was held captive in once more, even if it was covered in ash.
"Wait a minute, it's barely in the frame, but there's the end of the lighter. Let me friend the file on my computer and I can zoom in on it," Kelly suggested.
The clacking of keys could be heard as Kelly found the file and opened it, quickly finding the correct picture and pressing a few keys to zoom in on it.
"Oh, God," Jay whispered.
"What? What is it?"
"That lighter, it's the same color as the one I used to light Y/N's candle this morning. No wonder she freaked out."
"But why would she keep saying she'd be quiet?"
Jay nodded, pulling up a chair and sitting next to him. His eyes widened. He hadn't seen you get burned when he was with you, but what if that's what happened to you when they did the drop?
"Any way you can print that zoomed-in image out for me? I gotta get to Med."
"I can do that."
Kelly printed the picture and handed it to Jay. "Thanks, man. I'll get you a round at Molly's." Then, he quickly left and sped off to med, putting the pieces together.
***
Will was just walking out a treatment room, rubbing hand sanitizer in his hands, when a very determined Jay walked through the ED doors. "April, you mind charting the next patient? Jay's here and with that look on his face, well he's not gonna leave until he gets what he wants."
"Yeah, no problem. Good luck."
"Thanks." Will rolled his eyes.
"Will! Will I need to ask you something and you can't blow me off about this or claim patient confidentiality or some other legal bullshit."
"Legal bullshit? You're the cop here buddy, I'd expect you to care about the law more."
"Whatever, just is there some place we can talk?"
"Jay, I'm working. Can't this--"
"It's about Y/N," Jay blurted, knowing that that would most definitely get his older brother's attention.
"Okay, c'mon."
Will led the way to his office and once inside closed the door. "What's going on? What's so important about Y/N that you came to talk to me during my shift, not about a case, and left Y/N home alone on her birthday?"
"One, she's not home alone. Hailey's with her. And two, it's because I think I know how she got those burns."
"Fire, Jay. She got those burns from fire."
"I know that, smart ass. I mean, I think I know exactly how she got the burns." He laid the photo down on the desk. "That, that's a lighter. Now, if I remember correctly, first-degree burns are the worst because the fire directly hit the skin. Could that lighter have been the cause of her burns?"
Will typed away on his computer, pulling up the pictures of your burns, and looked closely at them, switching his attention from the picture of your burns to the evidence picture with the lighter. "But that's impossible," Will muttered. If the fire started at the floor and went to the walls, you'd either have burns on your feet and legs and/or on the left side of your body. But, you had them on both arms, your stomach, and your collarbone. And, the fire hadn't gotten high enough to be able to burn your upper body. "Unless..."
"Unless what, Will?"
"It's impossible to get these burns just from a burning building from the trajectory of the fire and the location of the burns. But, judging by the location and the severity of her burns, these most likely were made by Keyes holding the lighter to her, for longer than a few seconds. He had to have the lighter to her collarbone and stomach the longest, just by how bad those two are."
"You're sure?"
"I'm pretty damn sure, Jay. But, the only person who can tell if us if we're actually right, is Y/N. And, I don't think she's gonna wanna talk about this."
"Can you make her an emergency appointment with Dr. Charles?" Jay asked. "And, can you make sure you're there during the appointment, too?"
"What, why?"
"She had an episode this morning when I gave her a cupcake to wake up. I went to light the candle, she saw my lighter and the flame and flipped out. Then, she said that she promises to be quiet. You don't think- you don't think she burned her for talking do you?"
Will closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. It all made sense: the not talking, the jumping when he turned on the stove, freaking out when Jay lit a candle.
"Based on what she's done, it makes sense. But, I'll consult with Dr. Charles before the appointment to tell him what's going on."
"Thanks, man. Bring those pictures to him, too."
Then, Jay left the office, thinking that between two of them and Kelly, that they had solved the mystery of why you hadn't talked in a month and a half.
***
You walked into Dr. Charles' office very confused to say the least. Hailey was waiting outside, but Jay and Will insisted on coming with you to this appointment; you just chalked it up to them being more worried about you than usual.
But, as you sat between your brothers on the long couch with Dr. Charles seated in the chair in front of you, you got a pit in your stomach. This felt more like an intervention.
"Y/N," Dr. Charles started, "Are you okay if your brothers sit in on this one? Or do you want them to leave?"
You pulled out your whiteboard. I'm just wondering why they're here with me in the first place. I know this morning was bad, but I didn't think it was that bad.
"You know, that's a very good question and I'm really glad you asked that. Jay, would you like to tell Y/N where you went earlier today?"
You turned to Jay expectantly. "I went to see Kelly and I asked him to show me the crime scene photos from Keyes' place."
At the mention of Keyes, you tensed up. Will squeezed your shoulder. "Y/N, remember those relaxation techniques I taught you?" Dr. Charles asked. You nodded. "How about you try one right now."
You closed your eyes and pictured a beach, the waves crashing against the shore, the feeling of sand between your toes. You walked closer to the water's edge and felt the coolness of the freshwater, whisking the sand from between your toes away. You felt the sun on your face and squinted your eyes against the brightness of the day.
"Better?" Dr. Charles asked as he noticed your breathing had become slower and most of the tension had left your body. You nodded. "Go to the beach again?" You nodded in confirmation again. "Good, I can tell it's a place that really relaxes you. Are you okay for Jay to continue?"
You turned to Jay, hoping that was answer enough. And it was because he continued explaining why he needed the crime scene photos. "I knew that there was a possibility that Keyes' could've been the one to burn you, but I didn't know. So, I went to Kelly to see if there was a lighter in any of the crime scene photos. There was, an orange one to be exact."
Keyes flicked the orange lighter open, playing with the flame and letting it move in between his fingers.
"Y/N, the beach, remember the beach," Dr. Charles prompted, bringing you back to the present moment after you took a few deep breaths while thinking of the fresh smell of the water and the sand.
Jay looked at you, silently asking if it was okay to continue. When you nodded, he started once more. "So, I saw that and I remembered that you'd promised to be quiet this morning. I came to Med to talk to Will, and between the two of us, well we figured out that he'd burned you, Y/N."
Your eyes filled with tears at the memories of how terrified you had been. You were so sure you were going to die that day.
"Did he play some sort of sick, twisted game with you, Y/N?" Will asked.
You looked down as your lip began to quiver. He had, you wanted to say, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. He told me that if I talked he'd hold the lighter there longer and that's why the ones on my stomach and my collarbone are the worst and the one on my thigh isn't as bad because he said I was learning the game. That was what you wanted to say at least, but you couldn't even part your lips.
Dr. Charles handed you a bottle of water and you took it from him, feeling the coolness in your hands, a reminder that fire was nowhere near you at the moment. "Y/N I think he burned you if you talked, is that it? Just nod your head yes or no, you don't have to talk or write if you don't want to. You are the one in control here. And, if you don't want to tell us if he burned you for talking or what the game was, that's fine, too."
You moved your head up and down once, confirming both of your brothers' worst fear: Keyes had burned you for talking.
Jay wanted to speed all the way to Stateville Prison and burn that son of a bitch Derek Keyes for what he did to you. But, somehow, he kept his cool and just looked at you with soft eyes and grabbed your hand.
"Y/N, I have something I want to try," Dr. Charles started, "I've already told Jay and Will about it just so that they won't freak out, but whether or not you actually want to try it, that's all up to you. We do whatever you want to do."
You looked up at Dr. Charles with glassy eyes.
"There's this therapy called in vivo exposure therapy, nicknamed flooding. What happens is, we take the patient's biggest fear, in your case that would be fire and talking, and we bring it out in the open, exposing you to your biggest fear in a safe and secure environment. The logic behind this is that the anxiety and adrenaline only last for a certain amount of time and once those drop, you realize that your fear of this was unwarranted."
What would it entail? you wrote.
"What would happen is that either Jay, Will, or I would hold an open lighter near you."
You frantically shook your head no and leaned more into Will.
"Okay, then we won't--"
"Listen, Y/N," Will started. "You are in a safe environment. We will not let anything happen to you. Ever. You gotta believe us on that. We just wanna hear you talk again. Let us help you. Let me help you. You will be safe the entire time and if you want me and Jay to sit on either side of you, like we're doing now, while Dr. Charles holds the lighter, we can do that. Isn't that right, Jay?"
"He's absolutely right, kid. We'll be right here the entire time."
You grabbed your whiteboard and took a deep breath. And you promise this will work? You promise there will be a drop in my anxiety at some point?
"I think that there's a very high chance that will work. And, I can promise you that there will be a drop in your anxiety during this because there always is a drop. If we got anxiety and then that fight or flight instinct didn't leave, well life would be scary all the time. And that's just not how life works," Dr. Charles answered.
Okay, you wrote. We can do it.
"Do you want me or one of them to hold it?"
You pointed to Dr. Charles.
What relaxation technique should I use to calm myself down?
"I'd recommend using the body scan because it takes the longest, but you can use whatever technique you want."
You nodded and closed your eyes.
"You ready?"
You nodded once again and Will wrapped his arm around your shoulder in the protective-oldest-brother-way he always had and Jay gave your hand a squeeze, silently reassuring you that everything would be okay.
"Start by relaxing your feet now, so that you're that you're in the right headspace."
You clenched and unclenched your toes, taking slow deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, relaxing your toes one by one and focusing only on those sensations.
You heard the lighter flick open before you felt it. But when you felt it, it was near your face.
The smell of blood pierced your nostrils, whether it was yours or Jay's you had no idea. You were being held by one of Keyes' associates, his arm strongly wrapped around your shoulder. This time, you weren't hanging from the ceiling, but your arms were chained to the sides of you. Part of the chain laid in your right hand and it felt so heavy that you thought your hand was going to fall off.
He was saving the best for last, he was going to burn your face and let you burn from top-down. The fire would start at your cheek, move up to your nose, and then your eyes. You didn't want to even think about how much pain you'd feel when it hit your eyes. But, maybe you'll have passed out from shock, fear, or exhaustion by that point. You hoped you would.
Salty tears made your way down your face as you realized that this was it. You'd never see your brothers or your best friend again. You'd never graduate college. You'd never get to pick out the perfect wedding dress and walk down the aisle to marry the love of your life. Your last moments would be spent being burned alive in a basement, hoping against hope that someone would get here fast enough to rescue you. And, even though you knew Jay's unit was fast and wouldn't stop until you were safe, your hope was quickly fading.
"Any last words?"
"Please, please, no! I'll do anything! Anything!" you yelled, tugging on the chains.
But, he didn't burn your cheek for talking. Keyes broke the rules of his own game.
This was bad. It was just going to be worse for you. Your chest started moving up and down, trying to pass out from hyperventilation as fast as possible.
"Focus on your feet. Move the relaxation to your feet."
Who was that? It sounded like Dr. Charles.
"Relax, relax, relax."
Will was here, too?
But, whatever the reason, you focused on relaxing your feet. Maybe it would make dying easier.
The lighter hadn't moved closer to face as you made your way up your legs and relaxed your knees. Was Keyes going to burn you? Or, was he going to let you go?
"If you're gonna kill me, Keyes, then just do it!"
No answer.
You slowed your breath even more.
If Keyes didn't answer, that meant that he wasn't here. That meant, it was only fire. And, without Keyes to hold the fire. Fire couldn't hurt you. It couldn't hurt you.
"It can't hurt me. It can't hurt me," you whispered to yourself.
You dropped your head and shoulders and started to pant as the adrenaline wore off. Slowly you opened your eyes. "It can't hurt me," you said so that everyone in the room could hear.
Dr. Charles flicked the lighter closed.
You looked at each of your brothers. The person who you thought was Keyes' associate was just Will with his arm around you. And, what you had thought was part of the chain in your hand, was just Jay squeezing your hand.
"Thank you," you said to all three of them.
You turned to Will, to see him crying. "Why are you crying?" You turned and saw that Jay had tears in his eyes, too.
"I know the statistics of coming back from something like that, Y/N, of talking again. And I was scared- I was scared that you wouldn't come back from it."
"Hey, you're okay. We're okay," you repeated something that everyone has been telling you the past weeks.
You turned to Jay, knowing that this needed to be said. "And, Jay?" He looked you directly in the eyes. "I forgive you."
And that was all it took for a stray tear to roll down his cheek and for him to pull you into a hug. "I love you kid, you know that?"
"I love you, too. Both of you. Thanks for not giving up on me."
"Not a chance in hell," Will told you.
"Now, what do you say we go grab that mimosa?" Jay suggested.
"Yeah, let's do that."
The three of you said goodbye to Dr. Charles and left his office, meeting Hailey in the hallway. "I never got a chance to properly thank you for the book and coffee, Hailey, so thank you."
A smile grew on Hailey's face. "You're welcome." Then, she turned to Jay. "I told you she'd come around."
"You were right, babe...as always." Jay grabbed Hailey's hand in his and interlocked their fingers. "Think you can get someone to cover your shift, Will? Come out with us for some good old-fashioned brunch and day-drinking?"
"I think I might be able to manage that. Text me the place and I'll meet you there."
He started to walk away, on a mission to get someone to cover for him, when you remembered something. "Will, you owe me fifty bucks!"
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