#and c) the story's depth is mostly into how sad the whole situation is so i get too bummed to focus on hades and persephone

[mcytblrconfessions]

*sighs in sadness* Ocean Queen Lizzie you were too good a character to be released onto the masses who couldn't characterize you well in fanfiction to save your life :(

The joy your story brought me (self-proclaimed number one Ocean Queen fan /hj) is immense, but it does not cancel out the multitudes of fanfiction flattening you into a hollow shell of yourself who only exists as an extension of the men in your life, clogging the LDShadowLady fandom tag and making it nigh-impossible to fin the (rare) fic in which Lizzie is in-character

And trust me, I know. My experiences are born out of pain and sorrow. Deep in the clutches of hyperfixation, I checked the LDShadowLady tag several times every day for months, no filters. I looked at every fic in the tag, and the backlog of fics. I read every fic in the tag, with only a few exceptions for the most truly unstomachable fic. Even as my hyperfixation loosened, I still checked the LDShadowLady tag often, and scrolled through the backlog. I still read every Lizzie centric fic I can find, and a lot that isn't. I still am on a constant search for good Lizzie fic (please: anyone want to recommend any fics? I'm sure there's stuff I'm missing/missed/forgot to bookmark! she doesn't have to be the main character, just significant!)

I have gazed into the abyss. I have absorbed the scope of it. I have written fic on my own.

And yet: the problem is less with the lack of Lizzie fics, and more with the bad ones, the ones that don't actually feature her in any real capacity, which becomes easy to see once you've read a lot of them noticed the pattern, just a combination of sidelining, of mischaracterization, and mischaracterization by omission, that trap that is so easy to fall into.

I can forgive fandom for this to an extent. No fic writer is perfect, this is about the collective patterns. But after a certain point, it starts becoming harder to ignore: the way she is written into fics only to warp around c!Jimmy (sometimes other male characters) with zero regard for her interiority, her agency, her struggles, her potential, in fics that give male side characters these things.

The way she is ignored varies. Sometimes it is the most blatant examples: she is put in a situation in which multiple canon traits/opinions/experiences of hers would obviously be relevant, but all are ignored except supportive sister. Sometimes it is more subtle: it iisn't a plot hole that her being a supportive sister/caring/"strong woman girlboss" (in the way that doesn't actually give her any agency or depth or plot importance, she's still a flat character only there for support, but actually we only write her as a personw with no interior depth or anything interesting bc she's just so cool and competent and perfect there aren't any problems that give us reasons to focus on her or give her like, a character arc or something) is the only thing that comes up in the au, but the fact that the author didn't find anything else about her interesting or worthy of show, never considered showing her in more depth, giving her an arc, giving her choices to make, the fact that over and over again authors decide that the only reason to show her is if she's supporting a guy, grates a whole fucking lot. Mostly, it is more subtle but once you see it you will never stop unseeing it. I try to repeat it but I just sound like a broken record.

Am I going insane for noticing this when nobody else seems to? I worry that, even being mad mostly at the trend and not the individual writers, I am still somehow being too unfair to them. I check my line of thought over and over. Then, once again, I am reading a fic and I can't stop thinking about how it's another fic in the pattern, and I try to find something that isn't and it takes me pages and pages, and I am so angry again. Death by a thousand pinpricks. Driven insane by a thousand lackluster Lizzie portrayals.

It's hard not to feel crazy. People like the Ocean Queen! People don't dislike her character! She just slowly gets flattened, over and over. Never any interest in her depths. (yes I am ocean punning at a time like this)

I am awash in a sea of misery. Every day I think of her and I wish for a world where people liked her better. Where she was the character with a million fics exploring her potential. I think about it and I think about her and I think about my fic for her and the good fics I've read for her and I open another fic where Lizzie is tagged and I hope.

(The pain these fics bring me is immense but the joy I feel about the character is greater, at least. Mostly I think about that. Two sides to everything, how unfortunate/lucky)

Ocean Queen I love you.

#confession #mod response #long post #ch: empires s1 lizzie

[mythologymadness]

part 1 & 2

the big three and their wife relationships

zeus and hera: complicated!! complicated!! drama and validity from both sides!!! please suck up your pride and talk to each other face to face because you guys really do love each other!!!

poseidon and amphitrite: the most normal courting method out of the three. we assume it’s an open relationship but we don’t really know because we hAVE ONE FUCKING MYTH OF THEM (i’m so mad about this all the time)

hades and persephone: the one born from controversial circumstances. overall pretty functional and equal in power (in modern times) but again: born from controversial circumstances (in modern times)

#to be honest hades and persephone arent my favorite #so this post is just me advocating for zeus/ hera and poseidon/ amphitrite for a full post #i could do a full three paragraph explanation on why but the basics are: #a) its everywhere #b) i prefer more layers or complication or just something funny? #and c) the story's depth is mostly into how sad the whole situation is so i get too bummed to focus on hades and persephone #greek mythology #zeus and hera #poseidon and amphitrite #hades and persephone #muse des #mytholoqueue

[curiosity-killed]

Lang Qianqiu deserves more love goddammit: a post, unfortunately

This brought to you by the wonderful @veliseraptor & @/yuer on Twitter but also mostly out of spite and the fact that it’s preventing me from writing a very dumb poke-the-bear post abt the entire weird social media culture around The Minors

As always ✨SPOILERS!! SPOILERS EVERYWHERE✨

So first off: when I hit the scene where lqq confronts xl and screams “I will never be like you” I sat up in bed, did a little shimmy of delight, and hissed “fuck yes” at like 2 AM so. Now you have a preview of wtf this train wreck will be

1 ) lqq is a good character

We don’t get a ton of time with lqq because tgcf is 87 side characters running across stage with The Most Interesting Concept constantly one-upping each other before vanishing. But what we do get is, I think, enough to make a pretty compelling story: Lang Qianqiu is a kind and generous prince who is also the sole survivor of the bloody massacre of his entire family, committed by the people dearest to him (both in his belief that Gusohi Fangxin did it and in the reality of An Le’s involvement), who goes on to peacefully lead his fractious nation into a peaceful reign before he ascends as a powerful enough (aka beloved and worshipped enough) god to be ranked among the top heavenly generals. That’s like. Pretty fucking classic protagonist vibes right there.

And, as usual with mxtx’s characters, we get a lot more than this lovely little backstory. In his interactions in canon, lqq is capable of great grief and anger; he is willing to sacrifice himself if it means avenging his murdered family; and he simultaneously holds both great hatred and great respect for his old teacher. And, of course, he winds up raising and taking care of his enemy’s son which shows a remarkable depth of compassion and emotional messiness that I find terribly compelling. He struggles with a simplistic view of justice that is supported by lies told to “protect” him and that is uprooted by the truth and forces him to try to make sense of the world without the guardrails that others installed around him (looking at you mister fangxin sir).

Also I’m stealing my own tweets bc I’m Right but:

*pulls up single barstool to lqq is a good character table* I think it’s interesting & Says Things abt the continued relationship btwn lqq & xl that lqq *didn’t* recognize xl, implying that he left fangxin’s mask in place even when he went to kill him

Like here is the man who killed his family & best friend, who left him abandoned in bloodshed on his 17th bday—& here is also the man who saved his life, who taught him, who lqq looked up to & wanted to be like

Even when lqq *does* recognize xl, he still has so much respect for him paired with that hatred that it’s honestly rlly tragic? Like man. There’s so much grief in lqq’s repeated demands for a duel & insisting it’s fine if xl kills him as long as he doesn’t hold back

*pats lqq pompom* this bb is so sad. And so much more like his teacher than either of them seem to realize or necessarily want

Despite being a pretty minor character, lqq gets a lot of complexity and nuance! Look at this child trying to be grown up while desperately turning to his old master for guidance and “the truth”! Look at him! Be sad!!

2 ) lqq is an excellent parallel to xl

Okay stealing my own tweet again don’t look at me I yell the same shit everywhere

Xl didn’t want lqq to become like him (self-sacrificing, vengeful, alone) but lqq not only became alone, chasing vengeance, & willing to sacrifice himself for revenge—he also became kind, open-minded, & remorseful!! & he still clearly respects xl @ novel end 🙃🙃

We all know hc’s “they’re not very alike at all” and yeah sure baby go support your man but narratively, there’s a lot of importance given to cycles, parallels, and foils in mxtx’s writing and most explicitly (compared to mdzs, haven’t read svss) in tgcf. For example, *gestures at beefleaf, gestures at Xianle Trio vs Wuyogn Crew, gestures at Xie Lian & Jun Wu’s whole uh. Deal.* And while I’d argue xl and lqq are part of a triumvirate rather than a pair, we’re not including mister three-face in this conversation so just looking at xl and lqq:

Both adored and sheltered crown princes

Both taught by a guoshi who was seeking to prevent the repetition of their own tragedies and in their efforts, lied/omitted information and failed to protect their charge from tragedy

Both were betrayed* by their closest friends

Both are the last living members of their respective royal families

Both caught the interest of supernatural beings from a young age

Etc etc I’m getting v bored and distracted writing this so moving on

Most importantly to me, we have their betrayal by a very close and adored mentor and how they react. The confrontation I mention at the start of this shitshow is really imo one of the most important scenes in the novel because it a) illustrates the differences in xl and Jun Wu and b) sort of gives you a preview of how xl ultimately wins

So a) Jun Wu and Xie Lian both take a talented, marked-for ascension young prince under their wing. Jun Wu sees himself in the boy and obsesses over shaping him into Jun Wu’s own image in the belief that this will make him the perfect heir. Jun Wu pushes his chosen heir into situations where Xie Lian is repeatedly harmed in an effort to show that the common people are fickle and cruel and don’t deserve his compassion and care.

Meanwhile, Xie Lian is reluctantly roped into mentoring his prince due to his inability to stand aside when he feels he could do something to prevent hurt or injustice befalling another (simultaneously his great strength and great weakness! God I love him). Xie Lian tries to teach his student to believe in and care for the common people and not to sacrifice himself (see: flashback convo re:taking the force of the sword strike into his own body).

When Xie Lian refuses to bend in the shape Jun Wu demands, Jun Wu bashes his head into the wall. When Lang Qianqiu cries “I will never be like you!”, Xie Lian laughs and says “Good!”.

B) this of course feeds directly into foreshadowing! Like Lang Qianqiu’s bold words, xl ultimately refuses to become like his mentor and remains defiant even when it would stop him from being hurt. Xl beats lqq and says so what if I tricked you, so what if I lied, I still won. Naturally, xl beats Jun Wu not through standard swordplay but by using a trick he learned while forced to busk and wander the earth alone and unlucky for centuries.

…okay so I have fully forgotten what I was actually saying here! Anyway!

Like Xie Lian, Lang Qianqiu spends a time consumed with the need for vengeance, hunting his enemy and rejecting the heavens. And like Xie Lian, he winds up caring for his enemy’s “son” and trying to both comfort him and maintain what’s left of Qi Rong’s life force despite having previously been hellbent on destroying him—bc he sees the impact it has on another person. In the end, he even gives a gift to Xie Lian—his mentor, his role model, and the one who killed his father—that was once given to him as a symbol of unexpected kindness. Sound familiar?

But, importantly, and contradictory to what I have been yelling abt but whatever it’s 12:30 am, Lang Qianqiu is not a direct mirror of Xie Lian but a closing of a vital loop in the story. Lqq is very similar to xl (I will die on this hill!! Only I won’t bc I’m stronger than y’all and will keep swinging these pots and pans) but bc xl tries to do better and keep lqq from suffering the way xl has, lqq is able to have a gentler and more optimistic path forward. He’s proof that even a small act of kindness or even kindness to only one person still matters and has a ripple effect that can’t be seen when you’re in the middle of it—a thread started with xl giving the coral pearl to Lang Ying and closed with Lang Qianqiu returning the pearl to Xie Lian.

So I have no idea if any of this is coherent or compelling but I meant to be asleep two hours ago and the points are:

A) Lang Qianqiu is good actually

B) parallels!!!

C) look ive already started another wip about Lang Qianqiu and Xie Lian and I didn’t want this but no one else wrote it so now I have to so pls just accept this as a warning

*sort of air quotes around this for Xie Lian bc frankly Mu Qing was right & Xie Lian kicked feng xin out BUT on the other hand, it was experienced as a betrayal and we also again have all of Jun Wu’s shit so it evens out

#should I wait and proofread and edit this tomorrow? yes. #am I doing that? no <3 #idk what to tag this as #uhhh #tgcf spoilers #lang qianqiu #I don’t think this can reasonably be called meta #since I am unsure if it is even readable #tgcf #long post

[lochnessies]

ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad). 

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace. 

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system. 

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society. 

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious. 

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic. 

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place. 

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

#i finished this at 1am so sorry if i’m incoherent #mine

[space-girl-and-droids-art]

Clone Wars: Stories of Light and Dark- Book Review

“Clone Wars: Stories of Light and Dark” Is an anthology of stories narrating some of the arcs of the clone wars from the perspective of the characters. It gives more details and depth to some episodes, as well as giving us information that makes us have a different view of the events.

This is not exactly a review, but mostly my reactions to reading the book. I do recommend it, if you loved the clone wars and want another perspective on some of the arcs this will be a good read. That said, this does contain spoilers for the clone wars.

#1 “Sharing the same Face” -Jason Fry (from the episode “Ambush”)

Okay this was once one of the most light-hearted episodes of the series and now I ended up crying. I did not expect an order 66 reference here. Every time Yoda addresses Dooku is painful. Seeing how Yoda perceives the clones is really heart-warming, but knowing how it all turns out in the end is really sad and during the whole text you are really aware of that. In the show you kind of forget about what’s going to happen for a while, but this text just keeps you thinking about it constantly. It was a good read, I loved it. I found it really interesting knowing Yoda approaches the clones the same way he approached his students at the temple, and knowing what his opinions on the clone army it was a good detail. Loved this one.

Did I care that much about this episode before? No. But watching it right after reading this made me cry for half an hour. (I am a really emotional person, so take this with a grain of salt.)

#2 “Dooku Captured”- Lou Anders (From the episodes “Dooku Captured” and “Gungan General”.

This was a funny read, and the fact that the events are narrated by Dooku Himself made it even more hilarious. It’s supposedly a holorecording Dooku was doing for Sidious, and you can tell by his words that he was so done. Poor Dooku deserves a meditation day after it. You can tell how annoyed he was by the whole situation and his perception of Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi. They really are bothering for the count. I’m surprised he didn’t retire after this event, man’s gotta be really tired. Also, when they were tied together, they just shared a braincell and most of the time, Dooku was the one carrying it. The love he had for Qui-Gon does not extend to rest of the lineage, clearly.

At first it was really slow, but after they get captured by the pirates it just gets funnier. Good story to read after the sadness the previous text gave me.

Also, the fact that Dooku canonically records himself venting to Sidious is hilarious to me. Like, can you imagine being Palpatine and receiving daily vlogs from your apprentice ranting and complaining about Anakin and Obi-Wan? Dude was tired, of course he would let Anakin decapitate him in the end.

#3 “Hostage Crisis”- Preeti Chhibber (from the episode “Hostage Crisis”)

For an Anidala shipper this is a must read, because you will know exactly what Anakin thinks of his wife and how he views Padmé. This text was more Anakin centric (I believe the next one is Padmé centric) and it was a delight. I haven’t read much in canon about stuff that involves Anakin’s feelings so this was really good.

The scene from the beginning of the episode? Is hotter when you read it, trust me. For a clearly SFW text, this was intense. I’m pretty sure I can guess all of Anakin’s kink only by what was implied in his thoughts. Is also really sweet to see how much she cares, but also know why everything went downhill at the end. Good retelling.

#4 “Pursuit of Peace”- Anne Ursu (from the episodes “Heroes on both sides” and “Pursuit of Peace”)

I really love Padmé Amidala. My favorite senator. If you have seen my review of Queen’s Peril you KNOW How much I love her, and even when this text was written by another author, I still got the same feeling about her. Padmé is amazing. This arc is one of my favorite of the Clone wars because it’s the arc that let you see that it wasn’t a black and white kind of situation, both sides were being played. An none of them were really worrying about their people, they were in it for the money. I love reading Padmé’s thoughts on the whole situation. Also, the way this story is written makes what went down with Padmé and Anakin in the third episode make more sense and more in character. She is a strong, good, and smart politician. But she is also motivated to see the light in the dark and preserve the light, it gave me major Qui-Gon from “Master and Apprentice” vibes. It did make me tear up a little, because when I finished it, I realized everything she did was for nothing. She was too kind in a galaxy already so corrupted.

Also, Palpatine stop calling her “my child” you disgusting sith lord, I know you are responsible for her death and so do you, so shut the f up. Padmé was doing everything right and she hasn’t done anything wrong in her life whatsoever.

“Just because there’s darkness in something does not mean you do not love it. You show it love, you show it light, and you hope it chooses the light”.

She was talking about the senate but you just KNOW she isn’t really talking about the senate.

This story re-telling broke me, just as the first one. I am not ready for the next one. Do I have to? Man, I really don’t want to go through Umbara again.

#5 “The Shadow of Umbara” -Yoon Ha Lee (from the episodes "Darkness on Umbara," "The General," "Plan of Dissent," and "Carnage of Krell”)

I was, indeed, not ready for it. It doesn’t really add much to the story… except pain. Rex’s pain, to be precise. Let my man mourn Hardcase :C I just wanted to give him a hug, him and all of the clones to be honest. Fives was as good as always, but re-reading his lines knowing what happens to him made me sad. I hate Pong Krell, get you dirty hands off my babies. I don’t think this re- telling made me sadder, but that’s only because it was just as painful as the episodes.

Dogma my beloved, you deserve everything.

I love how this arc develops Rex character and his attitude towards the war in general.

#6 “Bane’s Story”- Tom Angleberger (from the episodes “Deception”, “Friends and Enemies”, “The Box” and “Crisis on Naboo”.)

Is Cad Bane the Regina George of the Bounty Hunters?

The answer is yes. Yes, he is.

I wasn’t really excited to read about Cad Bane at first, I felt that everything that had to be said about the guy had already been stated in the show. He was just a mean bounty hunter in space. But this was actually pretty funny to read, specially because it’s narrated in first person from Bane’s perspective on what happened with Kenobi. And it’s hilarious.

He is basically re telling the events to Boba and Bossk while he is in jail again. During his story you can learn a few things about him as well, specially what his thoughts are in relation to some important topics. You would think he is only concerned about the money and blasting people, and you would be right. But he also does have an opinion on what’s happening on the galaxy at large, on the jedi, on Palpatine and Dooku. But those opinions don’t affect how he gets the job done. It was really interesting seeing him internally judging Kenobi for being a liar, and knowing something is wrong with the jedi order if they pulled that off. He knows everyone is being deceived, but doesn’t know how. That’s why he doesn’t care, and doesn’t get involved on anything unless you offer to pay him. Money moves him, but not the people who has it.

It was a good story, and I also liked to see how Bane respects Boba and sees him as the one that’s going to take his place eventually.

We know from the deleted episodes that Cad Bane was supposed to be killed by Boba Fett, but we haven’t seen that in canon yet. I really hope they answer what happened to Cad Bane in the current canon, I would love to see that in a comic, or in a book.

#7 “The lost nightsister”- Zoraida Cordova (from the episode “Bounty”)

I love Asajj Ventress for a million reasons and this story just made me love her even more. It’s the same story from the episodes but with an insight of what Ventress is thinking about. Which is unsurprisingly very depressing but the story itself turns out to be pretty uplifting.

It’s about her thoughts on what happened after the massacre of her sisters, her family, and how she deals with everything she had already lost. How lonely and worthless she feels. But during the course of the story, we see her reconnecting with who she is, and learning her value. Learning she is a powerful person, master or not.

It was also really sad to see how she compared herself to others. She was really sad and angry that nobody cared about what happened to her people, no one that cared about her. She saw how people wanted the girl in the box back and thought about how nobody would ever do the same for her and it was sad.

I also find very depressing that she couldn’t mourn her family.

But then she said this:

“What made her so special? What made her worth—No. She couldn’t think that way. This girl’s worth didn’t diminish her own. “

And like, I’m 100% rooting for her here.

Also, I love that once she realized the girl from the box was being smuggled to be essentially a child bride, she didn’t hesitate to scam the old creep. She may be an assassin, but during the course of this story you learn that she is disgusted by men who take advantage of female beings. I also love her internal monologue after the guy was bothering her in the cantina and how she just knows that if she can defend herself, she will do it with no hesitation.

Lovely story, I love knowing more about Ventress. Beautifully written.

#8"Dark Vengeance”-Rebecca Roanhorse (from the episodes "Brothers" and "Revenge")

It’s so on brand for Darth Maul to have his entire story be about Kenobi. It’s narrated by him, but directed towards you, like he is telling the reader a story. That in some stories could be like an awkward thing, but here it was well done. I love Maul and like, I could picture us having that conversation, well, me listening to him monologuing.

I really liked that he started telling the story from the events that happened on Naboo. You get to really see what happened from his perspective and understand why his hatred of Kenobi only grows over time.

Also, Darth Maul was like “I can excuse murder, but I draw the line at being rude”. Which is so morally wrong, but very fitting to his character. He is really upset at Kenobi for not caring about what happened to him. From what I gathered of the info that he let us know, he would probably like it more if Kenobi killed him instead of having to spend all those years in the garbage. Nobody cared for him enough to go and check up on what happened to him. That doesn’t excuse murder though.

The interactions he had with Kenobi let us know that it was not very jedi like the way he treated Maul, ignoring his rage and letting it consume him. Obi-wan just kept adding fuel to the fire because he was also really angry at Maul for the murder of Qui-Gon, not realizing that that would only make Maul be even angrier. And we know how that ended up for Satine Kenobi.

Final thoughts: Savage, I love you.

#9 "Almost a Jedi"-Sarah Beth Durst (from the episode "A Necessary Bond")

I thought this story was going to be from Ahsoka’s point of view. It was not.

I’m not mad at it though.

The story itself does focus on Ahsoka but it’s narrated by Katooni. It’s basically about how much she adores Ahsoka and wants to be like her, but also doubts herself a lot. She thinks she is not good enough to be a jedi. But her experiences both with Ahsoka and with Hondo Ohnaka makes her change her mind.

I want to say that I love the fact that it’s canon that she drew a poster of Ahsoka for her room because she really admired her that much it's so wholesome. It’s cute, and also let us see the perception the younglings had of Ahsoka.

Also, the bond between Hondo and Katooni is really wholesome. This also made me realize that this encounter with a young jedi is the reason he is immediately friendly with Ezra in Rebels. Ezra and Katooni do share similar personality traits sometimes.

Deep diving in Wookiepedia after reading this I found out that Hondo’s ship in Galaxy’s Edge is called “The Katooni” and now I’m sad thinking he was probably devastated when he learnt about Order 66 and what Vader did to the younglings. Great now I’m angsty about a chaotic evil space pirate.

I think it was confirmed by Dave Filoni that those kids are dead now. May the force be with them, they were good enough jedis.

#10 "Kenobi's Shadow"-Greg van Eekhout (from the episode "The Lawless”)

This is the re-telling of one of the saddest clone wars episodes. The episode just lets you think that everything’s going to be alright, that they are going to survive together, lets you hope that they take off just in time… and then it doesn’t happen. I’m still not over Satine’s death. And this made it even sadder. There were so many points their story could’ve gone differently, but their story was already at an end.

This is in third person but heavily focusing on Kenobi’s thoughts along the way. He really was close to turn to the dark side, but his love for Satine and his grief made him not surrender to it. But he felt an anger, a justified one, but an anger that I have never seen in a jedi other than Anakin Skywalker. And we all know what happens to him.

It was a good but sad reading. I won’t be reading this one again. It’s too much. I knew what was going to happen and it still hit me hard. I wish things would’ve gone differently for the both of them. I wonder if we will get flashbacks to this in the Kenobi show.

Also, I really need an Obi-Wan Kenobi and Satine book of their time on the run.

#11 "Bug"-E. Anne Convery (inspired by the episode "Massacre”)

I can’t talk openly about this story because it’s not actually featured on the clone wars. It’s a really good story, specially if you want to expand on the lore regarding Dathomir and the Nightsister in the new canon. It’s perfectly executed, and even when the story isn’t about any of the main characters it hooked me from start to finish. Definitely one of my favorite stories of the book and If I had to pick one story from this anthology to read again it would be this one.

It has more gruesome details than the others and the atmosphere is dark, and I loved it. I would read a whole Dathomirian Nightsister novel written by this author if it was in this exact same style. I really liked it a lot.

In summary, I really enjoyed reading this Anthology. I would really recommend it to anyone who is fond of the Clone Wars or the prequels era. Adults, Kids, Teens, Young adults. I think I would’ve enjoyed this book as a kid as well, and I enjoyed it a lot now in my early twenties. It contains a little bit of everything and that makes it a really complete anthology.

#star wars books #book review #clone wars #the clone wars #star wars #hondo ohnaka #ahsoka tano #swtcw #assajj ventress #darth maul #ventress #feral opress #dooku #kenobi #anakin skywalker #prequel trilogy #tcw #yoda #clone wars stories of light and dark #star wars novels

[tragedynatural]

Hey I know you posted it like a month ago but I would love a detailed song-by song reasoning/annotations for your Sam/jake mix. If you have time it would be great to hear your thoughts!

anon i've never jumped so hard at the chance to explain my totally normal thought process in depth before. thank you! yes of course! i will try to be as brief as possible! but probably not!

the first caveat i have to give you is that this mix was based mostly on a concept where cold oak lasts for ~2 weeks. so there's time for complicated relationships and despair to set in and a lot of this won't match the like..two days? it takes in the show. also this tracklist might be different from the post. i was editing.

we must be killers (mikky ekko) - "children of the wild ones" - references demon blood and my loose interpretation of what it might feel like to have these burgeoning powers, and then the "killer" refrain is because imo a key part of boyking4boyking is about how they both Know one of them is going to die, probably by the other's hand. also i'm compelled by similarities i see between jake and sam and both have spent their adult lives (hunting, military) being trained to kill. and i think neither of them want to do that, and in this situation they're forced to consider killing their peers..oof. thinking about jake's face when he has to kill ava, thinking about how sam and jake have been in situations where they've needed to kill someone in order to ensure the safety of someone else (in the logic of spn universe's approach to hunting & military)

like real people do (hozier) - this is abt that sense of knowing i was talking about. in the 2 week cold oak au jake and sam both find out from azazel early on how things are supposed to go. and they spend a week not killing each other! but they don't know each other very well and each fears that the other will snap first. "i will not ask why you were creeping / in some sad way i already know" - a sense of like, scorpion-and-frog anticipation that the other's going to turn on you but wanting to prolong the peace before it happens. also this dynamic is a product of a horrible time for them, they know that they probably won't both make it out - the "kiss like real people do" refrain is about an idle wish of like, what would it have been like if we were normal?

damn these vampires (the mountain goats) - i just like this song i think. this was rlly about the atmosphere, capturing the sense of being changed against your will that jake is reckoning with for the first time and sam is still struggling with. also, you know, there's a little bit of a defiant feel to this song. "scream when captured... let this whole town hear your knuckles crack." at this point they think maybe they can refuse to play along with azazel, and that it might be possible to get out anyway.

our time is short (gang of youths) - look, you know, rn they've been here for a ~week? they're not sure if they're ever making it out. the other kids died in the first couple days so it's just jake and sam and i think they're going through 'last 2 people on earth' feelings at warp speed. this is .... a moment of feeling good b/c they know it won't last very long, and there's a bit of last hurrah energy. "so let's drink the best wine now..before lightning strikes us down" etc.

another place (bastille) - the jake/sam connection is a genuine feeling but it's also very much....a foxhole thing to quote bobby. they like each other genuinely but both are aware this is the result of an extraordinary situation. even if they were both getting out alive...they live completely different lives. this song is about, don't make this more than it is because even though maybe we'd both want it to be, it's not attainable.

heavy in your arms (florence + the machine) - "who is the betrayer? / who's the killer in the crowd?" is absolutely my concept for the 2 week cold oak. sam and jake being plagued by dreams from yellow-eyes, and they don't want to suspect or betray the other but. well. they'll be stuck here forever. this is both of them wondering who'll crack first. also "heavy in your arms" is a little foreshadowing for when jake stabs sam and holds him while he bleeds out. thanks!

as the world caves in (matt maltese) - look. they're going to nuke each other up boys till old satan stands impressed...on their final night alive it's YOUUU that i lie with.... this is last few days of peace before Inevitable Conflict as the tension hits a peak. it's about "i like you and i care for you and i know eventually one of us is going to kill the other but i can't be the person to pick up the knife first. so every night i sleep across the fire from you and hope you fall asleep before i do." and azazel is there.

no one would riot for less (bright eyes) - "everything is eclipsed / by the shape of destiny" - the fact that the lives of the special children have been counting down to this moment! their hopes, dreams, personal morals, affections for others are eclipsed by fate baby! inescapable! the whole "little soldier" section is again about how both of them have been made into weapons to fight for various causes, and now they're being. pitted against each other. "love me now / hell is coming" and "help me out / hell is coming / could you do it now / hell is here" is obviously about them knowing shit is going to go down soon and also this sense of like. just kill me if you're going to. don't prolong the inevitable.

have to explode (the mountain goats) - similar theme here, feeling like you're counting down to the inevitable - "the stage is set / someone's going to do something someone else will regret" sam and jake are pieces in a plan that's been in motion for years and everyone's just waiting for them to buckle down and play the role. "the fuse will have to run out sometime / something here will eventually have to explode" - dean only finds sam once sam's been stabbed and jake has 'won'. if no victor emerges they stay here until one does, and they know that they can't hold out forever.

tusk (fleetwood mac) - i put this on every playlist sorry about me! also it's, okay, jake wakes up in the night to see sam stuck in a nightmare and he knows the demon's visiting both of them. what's it saying to him, he thinks, what's sam going to do? this is about creeping dread, and this sense that the person you're with maybe knows something you don't. that they're planning to betray you, that they already have. and musically the frantic melody and vocalization just ups the tension.

bite the hand (boygenius) - jake's pov. sam is the one who pushes for a truce and holding out for another option out of cold oak, and jake is on board. at first. but as time kicks on he realizes that there's no other option whereas sam is still a little bit in denial. so the "i can't love you how you want me to / i'll bite the hand that feeds me / you want what i can't give to you / who do you think you are / who do you think i am / maybe i'm afraid of you" - is about him doing a heel turn where he realizes like, i can't do this (stay indefinitely here to find a dubiously-real other way out for a guy i just met) and sam can't do it either, and one of us is going to snap, and i'm afraid it'll be sam first.

i bet on losing dogs (mitski) - sam's perspective on ^ - he does know how it's going to end but he can't quite. give up on hoping that it won't. he doesn't kill jake when he has the chance. he must know jake'll kill him if he's not dead or knocked unconscious, but he hopes. that he won't. anyway. and he's wrong. he knows he'll be wrong, i think he can sense that jake is doing a heel turn but also, they're getting played by azazel who's planting seeds of doubt and they're stuck in this depressing place alone, and sam's not sure how much he can trust himself. he's betting on losing dogs.

samson (regina spektor) - "you are my sweetest downfall / i loved you first" - jake's pov on a guy he genuinely likes who he knows he's going to kill. before the fight & the cemetery they cared for each other. "we couldn't bring the columns down / we couldn't destroy a single one" - in the end trying to hold out against azazel does nothing, the gate opens, the apocalypse happens. it's futile. and the story never mentions jake or cold oak again - i think the fact that sam tried to like, help & protect the special kids & then had to watch andy, ava, and lily die, & then jake tried to kill him, & he had to kill jake is like. pretty fucked up. those are the last people like him on this earth man he was 23!

heaven or hell (digital daggers) - vibes! also: "i’ve got the same deep wounds as you / my love can double as a weapon too" - jake and sam's similarities are so key to me. either one of them could have been the person to turn first. i'm anti-trying to make jake into a bad guy for stabbing sam! he wanted to go home! "show me the side no one else sees / turn it back on me" - what's it like for sam to be around other special kids? does he feel more normal or less than he does with dean? thinking about that "it doesn't matter if we believe it only matters that they do" scene- SO interesting! what a cool moment of jake and sam connecting on a level of both being leaders, both knowing what a lose-lose situation looks like, both knowing how to keep the hope alive, and do what has to be done. of course this is also the trait that leads to jake killing sam / sam killing jake. they're the same.

old college try (the mountain goats) - this is specifically like, night before jake stabs sam. he knows he's going to kill sam by now. "i want to say i'm sorry for stuff i haven't done yet / things will shortly get completely out of hand" - jake thinking about this last like, goodbye. and "i will walk down to the end with you / if you will come all the way down with me" - seeing it through till the end, sam has a burgeoning sense of something wrong.

it seemed the better way (leonard cohen)- again i literally just put this one on everything i can. also you know, it's jake thinking about listening to azazel and killing sam. it seemed like the better way then, but now, when azazel's threatened his family and he realizes he can't get out of it, it's too late to go back in time and do it differently. he has to obey azazel + play along. "i better hold my tongue / i better take my place / lift this glass of blood / try to say the grace". yes i know this is about religion i'm not trying to make light of the song i just think. i'm squinting okay.

don't let me be misunderstood (nina simone) - LISTEN! JAKE'S INTENTIONS ARE GOOD. this is like, meeting in the cemetery and sam is alive and they both know what's passed between them and what can never be and where it has to go now, and jake's thinking "just remember that i'm not evil. just remember i have a family that i wanted to come back to like you, don't let where this went eclipse the fact that you cared about me, that you know i'm a good person." it's also me holding a large stick and pointing it at everyone in supernatural so that they remember that he did nothing wrong.

say goodbye (fleetwood mac) - okay bear with me. in my version. of cold oak jake doesn't get killed by sam. he kills azazel and sam and dean let him go. this is a retrospective on the whole thing for both of them. "i let you slip away / there was nothing I could do / that was so long ago, yeah / still I often think of you" and "so don't let it get you down / just a time within a time / just a scheme within a scheme / a little world within a world / yes, a dream, just a dream" are the thesis lyrics for this song. cold oak's done, azazel's nuked, back to the real world now. it's a bitter way to say goodbye to a person you cared about after they killed you/you killed them, even though you both sort of. expected it to go that direction. by this point i was just like IT FEELS RIGHT (adds to playlist).

#THIS IS SO LONG? i've never felt more charlie_day_pepe_silvia.png in my life #anon. i...this is a little deranged. i hope it was what you were looking for #mevoice why don't i make a playlist chiefly about an au that i will never finish or post! #boyking4boyking #long post #if this shows up without a readmore on mobile i'm so desperately sorry

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

What usually helps me with motivation is asking myself "what is making me excited about this chapter." So I'm turning that to you. What is making you excited about the chapter to Wayward Daughter you're working on? -Riley

Thank you so much for this!!!  I have a lot of things that I’m really excited for so I broke it down to a top 10 haha!

1. Kevin and Amy friendship

Kevin and Amy have been friends since the very first chapter, and Amy has always had a soft spot for Kevin for being “Joaquin’s boy”, but a lot of their friendship has been superficial up until now, mostly because of Amy’s reluctance to ever risk being perceived as vulnerable.  In this chapter though, Kevin is the first person to really notice how not okay Amy is and is the one who goes out of his way to help.  It took a long detour from my chapter outline but I think it really developed their friendship, and I finally got to explore some elements that have been building behind the scenes for Amy but that no one has addressed until now!  It also introduces their ship tag, which is “he asked if I was okay”, which comes from the scene I’m currently writing – Amy is bitching a bit about Jughead and Toni and “their northsiders” and when she’s asked why her being friends with Kevin is different she explains that a) she’s not dating him, b) he hasn’t historically treated them like shit, and c) when she was completely falling apart, it wasn’t her partners or even her brother who noticed, but Kevin

2. After several chapters of people letting Amy brush off major trauma, they’re finally acknowledging it!  

This actually ties in the most with her scene with Kevin – Amy says some stuff while having a panic attack and Kevin has a moment of confusion before realizing that “oh hey, she’s actually mentioned this stuff before but she says it so casually that I assumed it wasn’t a big deal but clearly it is”.  The problem with Amy is that she keeps the important stuff to herself and when she’s forced to acknowledge it she’s always extremely dismissive of it, so everyone else assumes that she’s not bothered (hell, she mentions that she was raped and then just goes back to watching Glee, and everyone is like “well I guess she’s moved on let’s not upset her by talking about it”), but really she’s just internalizing it and not coping at all, but since no one ever really pushes her to talk, it also leads her to feeling like it’s not important – but finally we’re starting to lay out the groundwork for when Amy is finally forced to start talking about things and has to acknowledge that she’s not nearly as okay as she pretends to be 

3. After 75k of just not really talking about it, we finally get some actual definition on the Serpents’ relationship!

From the beginning, the narration has always used the term “partner” and the phrase “ride or die” to describe the relationship between the teen serpents, but they’ve never really talked much about what they are!  In this chapter we finally get a bit of that, which starts with Amy finding out that everyone at Riverdale High thinks that she and Sweet Pea are dating.  After that, Amy finally explains (one again in that scene with Kevin, that could really be a chapter in and of itself with how much goes on in it lmao) what exactly their relationship is, what Jughead’s involvement is, and even what Joaquin’s involvement was before he left town (finally going back to chapters 1 & 3 where Amy mentions having had some sort of relationship with him but never explaining what that relationship was).  I’ve wanted to start to explain this for a while, and while I’ve talked about it a bit here on tumblr and in depth with some friends, it’s never really fit into the story

4. Honestly just the actual writing!

It’s been a while since I’ve worked on Wayward and the last couple of chapters felt (to me) very rushed and definitely not my best writing.  The episodes that they followed weren’t ones with a whole lot going on for Amy (I’ve plotted out all of season 2 and basically every scene I could think of adding would have thrown off bigger arcs) so they were just... short and rushed and felt very forced.  This chapter on the other hand has gotten way too long just because there’s so much going on, but it’s given me an opportunity to really delve into things again and I think that the actual writing (technically and in terms of content) is a lot better than what I’ve gotten to do in a while and I’m really excited to share that!  Also, clearly, there are a lot of scenes that I’m really proud of and really excited to share with readers (hopefully they like it as much as I do!) 

5. Just, angst

So I’ve definitely never been nice to Amy, but the angst in this chapter makes me really happy (and very sad).  It’s not all big showy angst, or even as extreme as other parts of the story, but it feels extremely poignant.  There definitely are some bigger pieces of angst in this chapter (Amy falls asleep in tears multiple times, for example), but I think that my absolute favourite angsty pieces are actually two of the most subtle ones.  What I love about them being subtle (aside from just how much I love the scenes) is that Amy is a character who we see repeatedly go headfirst into danger and go through very painful situations, but she always gets through them and maintains her illusion of being completely okay all the time (even though she is so not okay someone please get her a therapist) because she can absolutely handle physical pain and she’s gotten used to psychological trauma, but the one thing that Amy cannot handle which is prominent in both of my favourite scenes is being rejected/feeling unwanted, and while she hasn’t had a lot of that yet, we finally get to see something actually break through her walls 

6. We finally start to actually acknowledge Amy’s unhealthy coping mechanisms

This sort of goes with #2 and #6.  Ever since chapter one, we’ve seen Amy having extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms (namely alcohol and sex and trying to ignore her problems) and in this chapter we see that she actually can’t ignore her problems forever, and we finally see people actually looking at Amy and going “hey this is definitely not a good way to deal with shit” instead of the usual “oh yeah that’s just Amy being Amy”, and it’s very satisfying!  Archie has called her out on it once before, but he’s the only one – her partners are so used to it that most of the time they don’t even realize what she’s doing because to them it’s just part of her personality and Jughead has generally hesitated to comment on it because he worries about pushing her away.  As a writer it’s been a bit frustrating to see how much no one seems to realize how self destructive Amy is, so it’s very satisfying to finally get to address it! 

7. Amy & Fangs relationship

So much of the story so far has been very focused on Amy & Sweet Pea, Amy & Jughead, and the poly squad, with a moderate amount of Amy & Toni, but Amy & Fangs hasn’t gotten a lot of exploration so far.  Amy and Toni also explored a lot in this chapter but it’s very much for the worse as Toni begins to prioritize Cheryl over the other Serpents.  Amy and Fangs, on the other hand, have much more positive development and we really get to see them being best friends in one-on-one situations, as well as Fangs being the one who can actually handle Amy’s extreme emotions.  I’ve always had it in my head that they’re sort of two sides of the same traumatized coin, and that Fangs understands Amy better than the others (in part due to his own trauma and in part because Amy, Toni, and Sweet Pea are all just very strong and very stubborn personalities and it tends to be a bit of a 50/50 on whether they’ll actually help each other or just set each other off) and I’m really glad that I finally get to start putting that into the story

8. Amy & Fred!!

I stan one father-daughter duo and that is it.  Granted, Amy has only called Fred her dad as a political move (usually against Hiram) and once in the immediate aftermath of being arrested and severely injured, and is just emotionally not prepared to call him “dad”, but Fred is absolutely his father and absolutely adores his chaotic mess of a daughter!  They’ve had some good scenes throughout the fic but Amy is reluctant to spend too much time around Fred because she’s terrified that one day he’s going to reach his limit and decide that he doesn’t want her anymore, so I haven’t gotten to write them nearly as often as I’d like.  But finally we get to see them interact again, and Amy finally gets the love and support that she deserves and we get a bit of backstory on Amy’s childhood post adoption!  

9. Malachai is finally back

Look, I know that I say this about every dynamic, but Amy & Malachai is very genuinely my favourite dynamic in the entire Wayward universe!  I’m super proud of my personal Malachai in general (as @lorettastwilight and I like to put it, Wayward daughter has “Mal” and Riverdale has “Malachai”) but his relationship with Amy is my absolute favourite thing.  It’s really hard to work him into the story sometimes, in part because talking to Malachai would solve all of Amy’s problems in like 20 seconds, but now there’s finally a chance to do it!  I haven’t actually written it yet, it comes right after the scene I’m currently working on, but Amy is a lot more open with Malachai than she is with anyone else, and I love it!  It’s also a lot of fun to write because it combines vulnerable!Amy, who looks at Mal and sees safety and sees the man who had a completely blackout drunk teenager proposition him and not only turned her down but protected her from anyone who might have tried to take advantage of her, with Serpent Queen!Amy who is political and cutthroat and sees Malachai as as the Ghoulie King and as possibly the only person in town as calculating as she is, and it creates a dichotomy that I really love to explore!  And even though only one other person actually knows their backstory, I’m extremely proud of it and it’s really fun to explore how to build that into their dynamic without ever actually acknowledging it 

10. FIFI THE GIRAFFE

No offence to literally any other character, but Fifi The Giraffe is the absolute best part of the entire Wayward Universe, and I finally get to introduce her to the story!  Not only does introducing Fifi make me happy because Fifi is just like, the best, but it also gives me a chance to really focus on the fact that Amy is fifteen and still a child even though she never shows it around other people, and to get to explore a bit more of nine year old Amy immediately post adoption, and her relationship with Fred and Archie!  Both of those are things that I’ve wanted to explore for a long time but that have never really worked with individual chapter arcs or with the pacing of the larger season arc, so now that I can finally write that, I’m really excited to share it with everyone!

I know this turned into a really long essay and I’m so sorry about that, but thank you again so much for sending me this ask!!! (and you’re totally right, this got me super hyped to get back into the chapter!!)

PS: please enjoy this gif of Amy, Archie, and Fifi!

#ask #answered #raging violets #riley tag #amethyst andrews #about amethyst #wayward daughter

[unproduciblesmackdown]

it’s 7am and for no especial reason im gonna throw out “bat boy” numbers that really go off which is, really all of them, but still, might as well share my wisdom

a) COMFORT AND JOY: obviously!!!!! THE song. it is seriously like, wow. the drama. and its Such a jam. what haven’t i already said to endorse it? cuz i’ll say some more.

b) SHOW YOU A THING OR TWO: automatically gets second spot b/c its second most likely to be in my head. it’s all “i’ll show you a thing or two, second verse with these-two-notes [two-notes]” and i do a little dance for those two-notes. and the lyrics “you’ll soon complete it—but, wait! ((??)) don’t eat it ((oh))” will loop thru my brain like fifteen times. lot of Musical Style variation in this whole show and this ones got like, a highstepping chorus line theme & thats a delight. and lots of incredible lyrics too, like this song’s “but now say howdy to a summa cum laude.” oh wait and i suppose its self explanatory but meredith The Mom and shelley The Daughter are teaching edgar The Bat Boy like, all of general knowledge in a matter of weeks / maybe several months. dr parker The Husband / Vet is tangentially helpful but not really because he sucks. meredith’s patience is v nice. you really have to root for them, except dr parker, because he sucks.

C) CHILDREN, CHILDREN: any ranking order beyond this is basically just me throwing darts w my eyes closed but this is a good third cuz its again that musical variety......this ones like, this 90s-ish movie credits remix echoey chimy synthy thing going on?? but its really a jam too. when the company joins in with the “oooo~shalala” i go BERSERK.....and there’s this suddenly punk rockish break in the middle of it. pretty great. what’s going on is that, as edgar and shelley are fleeing from Society into nature / the woods to reinvent their notions of humanity, the god of that sort of stuff Pan has shown up with an eden-esque panoply of animals to sing this song to set the mood. obviously.

D) WHATCHA WANNA DO: speaking of punk rockish...this is that? it’s a bit head-tiltingly jarring as its just this number in which one of the local teens who found edgar in the cave shows up to the parkers’ house where he’s currently caged and reacts to him in a Thematic Microcosm of what will be others’ reactions, aka to reflect a like, lack of inhibition re sex and mostly violence back at his feral nature and perceived inhumanity. one of the stranger numbers in a weird musical, but still a jam, see: punk rockish

E) A JOYFUL NOISE (REPRISE): end the musical here and everythings fine! just a real short one but a lot of fun because of what i just said. edgar goes to the local revival to beg the townspeople’s and preacher’s acceptance, and they give it to him. yet more musical style variety and a shoutout to this exchange

F) THREE BEDROOM HOUSE: send the musical in a different direction in the middle of this and everything could still be fine. this is a fun boppish number kinda reflecting elements of “show you a thing or two” musically, which i suppose is since its again mostly about meredith having decided that they can make this mess of a situation work. that mess being that, edgar Was accepted by the town but actually her husband killed a local teen and then showed up and blamed it on edgar & implied the mysterious plague upon their cows was edgar’s fault too and edgar’s run off into the woods. then this one is followed by children, children. i could go in order but its chaos rules only!!! the amount of fun energy in this song is frankly great and its like hell yeah meredith!!!!! hell yeah hock this stupid ring!!! kill your husband!! or whatever. js

G) CHRISTIAN CHARITY: god this one is fun idk......also self explanatory imo. local teens have found a cave cryptid, now the sheriff has him, he’s dragged him into the house where the local vet lives and is just p much casually dumping said cryptid on them, which is funny. there’s Musical Themes here repeated w some of the townspeople’s numbers & set up for comfort and joy....what really gets me is the sheriff’s part that starts abt a minute into the number where it’s like, this really neat almost-lilting musical phrase in the key of i don’t know, but its cool. i like it

H) INSIDE YOUR HEART: man, this one’s got this like, p simple musical Theme in there that’s just like, that’s all you need really. sort of like, the classic ballad duet type of song now. but also sort of cutting its own drama, b/c the musicals like, tragicomic and all. like edgar has this whole swelling “oh god this curséd existence you have to leave me” declaration and then immediately you get shelley’s matter of fact “...no.” even tho its a bit Meta Humorous like that, frankly its still a pretty great straightforward and sweet number which im sure a lot of musicàl love songs Wish they could be, which is just made more Smh by the fact that a) it’s about shelley trying to convince edgar its okay to drink her blood and b) because right after it ends meredith shows up to belatedly inform them that they’re half siblings. shits a wild ride.

I) A HOME FOR YOU: careening back to the beginning....this one is also less like, oh shit im gonna dance along, more of a subdued and quiet number, but its a nice solo of meredith’s and p sweet but not in a way like Inside Your Heart where its gonna get immediately wrecked. instead its one of the more grounded songs where she’s just telling the feral bat teen now in her house that maybe he can like, belong somewhere. it also has the Additional Depth not yet revealed in the plot that meredith is aware that edgar is her own child whom she had previously presumed dead. and this song is also Significant in that it’s Reprised when edgar realizes he might actually be fully human (he’s not) and is eager to go to the town’s upcoming revival and win their acceptance; and its Musical Theme is briefly reprised in “apology to a cow” when edgar is at the total opposite end of things, having been turned on by the town thx to the betrayal of his evil stepdad, and then having his and shelley’s attempt to forsake the need for social acceptance in the first place Also Wrecked by their mom telling them she’s their mom, so then he’s just mad at everything and murders a cow b/c he feels the only thing left is to embrace their idea of him as a killer monster, and he Reprises the a home for you theme as he swears to kill both meredith and dr parker, which he doesn’t, although they do Die around him. whoops. wanna @ will roland and be like “hey can you sing this one single line from Apology For A Cow?? cuz its rly cool and honestly a lot of these songs make me sure that wroland’s version of this material what with his voice and acting and how dramatically that production seemed to treat the outlandishness in general all means i’d fucking go ballistic and i wanna hear ‘this face will be the last thing that you ever see’ cuz that key change and that like, rise and fall at the end,,,,OOF,,,”

J) I IMAGINE YOU’RE UPSET: just round it off by slapping this climactic song right down. it’s a lot. dramatic again but also kinda fun...ish......i mean its the “everythings gone to shit and lets bring everyone together for peak disaster” so how much fun can be had? yet the quick exchange of “i smell [...] her sweat” “oh my god” whole town: “JESUS!!” and the sheriff singing “im sorry your life’s a sham” like hfvlmao thanks dude. but there’s all the clashes of characters’ built-up emotions and edgar is over here covered in blood and demanding to be killed while the town is like YEAH but all meredith’s lines are especially bittersweet and honestly like its a weird absurd story obviously and we’re all here to be ourselves and have fun but the story does make me bummed cuz of thinking about it all as “okay, yeah, but if you treat it earnestly,,,,Sad” like man you hearken back to three bedroom house and how meredith is determined to see it all be okay and really like just wants to live with her kids somewhere safe and NOT with her crap husband who’s been ruining everything the whole time for once. and then she’s here caught between the final confrontation of the Dramatic Foils that are edgar and dr parker and in general everything is a bit too late. ugh. lot of Dramatic Exchanges here and musical theme reprises!! that’s the good shit. and then the song ends on dr parker’s sort of ominous yet resigned-ish “are you hungry edgar” (shoutout to comfort and joy!!) after which he cuts his own throat, and, just like in comfort and joy, (and sort of like just prior to comfort and joy, when edgar reflexively defended meredith from dr parkers Violent Behavior) when he presents edgar w the fresh blood edgar automatically Attacks, wherein dr parker takes the chance to stab him, and inadvertently stabs meredith when she tries to shield edgar, and they all three die w edgar bleeding-outly refuting his humanity to shelley, and then there’s the final number where everyone’s like wow that was some shit. but ACTUALLY there is also this one specific detail i’d be desperate to see from the nyu steinhardt version, which is that after they all die and there’s that Breathless Moment, the Man From The Institute who the sheriff had called earlier to deal with edgar Rushes In and sort of beholds the whole town gathered staring at these three bodies and maybe a cow’s head off to the side, and one of the townspeople just goes “...you’re late.” and i am so certain that this line is HghhfGH-wheeze-laugh worthy; but the performance i saw they did NOT do the timing right!!! they said it like right off whereas what you need to do is hold the pause at least three full seconds!! and then go: You’re Late. i’m adamant about this. so much of Landing The Delivery is timing!! anyways. god. press f. anyways. it’s now 9 am. thanks and good morning. basically saying that the whole soundtrack is basically pretty great and really will roland has doomed me to actually be invested in this weird story, b/c its the ol magical realism comedic-framed wild obviously-that-would-never-happen plot, but, still, you’ve got this teen trying his best and it COULD all be fine actually but it all goes to shit b/c nobody killed dr parker in time really. well i’d just like to conclude by saying it’s raining and that’s great b/c i love when it’s raining

#long post /// #but a great and essential post //:/ #february 2011 nyu steinhardt players club bat boy production starring will roland #like i WISH bc i wish we had that productions versions of all these songs!!! and the whole thing rly!!!! help me william spinnato!!!!

[juniper-and-lamplight]

Recent Reads - May 19, 2018

Multifandom--Dirk Gently, Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter, a bit of Star Trek--and a mix of old and new, as usual. I've already recced some of these fics individually, but life's too short not to be effusive about the things you love, so I'm including them here too <3  Recs under the cut...

The Answer to a Question - @a-candle-for-sherlock​ - 22k, T, Holmes/Watson

"These are the stories behind the story we know: what really happened to Watson's marriage, and what made him follow Holmes to Reichenbach; what secrets were hidden in the mountains, and what a dead man wrote to the man he left behind." This fic made me Feel Feelings and also made me (almost) late for work.

To Join These Men in Holy Matrimony - A_Candle_For_Sherlock - 10k, T, Holmes/Watson

"Sherlock Holmes is a contradiction, an enigma, a force; at once the most generous spirit and the most self-contained man I have ever known. I've known more of him, I think, than anyone on earth. Yet for years I'd learned nothing about his boyhood, nor his fears, nor his future hopes, nor his father’s name. I never felt it as a lack until I knew he loved me." A moving story about family, forgiveness, self-acceptance, and historical queer marriages.

The Narrator - candle_beck - 8k, M, Holmes/Watson

"Watson is a degenerate gambler, a reluctant romantic, and the least reliable narrator in the history of the written word." A brief, gritty glimpse of my favorite Victorian disasters.

where the falling angels meet the rising apes - @cosmicoceanfic​ - 26k, T, AU (crossover, Dirk Gently & Discworld)

"A story of Death and the boy who could see him, through the years." In my sadness over finally finishing the Tiffany Aching books, I allowed myself to indulge in Discworld/Dirk Gently fics, and this one was an especially satisfying blend of the two universes. Highlights include Dirk & Bart's friendship, and Farah having a stare-off with Death.

you could bring my healing - cosmicocean - 38k, T, Dirk/Todd, AU (fantasy)

"Where the whole thing takes place in a fantasy world that is not unlike but not quite mostly for legal reasons Ankh-Morpork, Dirk is generally an existential dragon, Todd is a washed up electrical lute player, everyone is kind of awkward and useless except maybe for Amanda, and there is a boatload of fantasy references, plus one (1) Star Wars one." Sheer escapist delight.

Start at the Beginning - @dont-offend-the-bees - 61k, T, Dirk/Todd (AU, fake relationship)

”Y’know, make it up. Pretend to be in a relationship with someone. Can’t be that hard to fake, right?” it was still a stupid idea, but Todd was actually pretty invested in it now. He leaned forward, folding his arms. “C’mon, think about it- you got any other desperate homeless friends?” Takes a wacky ensemble piece and transforms it into a different sort of wacky ensemble piece. Sparing use of fake dating tropes makes this fic all the more enjoyable.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder: A Lovely Sentiment, But Rarely Applies To Anniversary Gifts - DontOffendTheBees - 7k, M, Dirk/Todd

"In which Dirk and Todd celebrate three years together- but forgot they were supposed to be doing that." Featuring: Todd Brotzman's "funhouse of self-loathing," Dirk & Todd's mutual uselessness, Amanda & Farah's mutual exasperation, winks to Douglas Adams canon, and a clever meta twist.

How We Go Together - ekb112 - 3k, E, Kirk/Spock

"'Have you ever been in love, Spock?' A series of moments in Jim and Spock's relationship." I like a semi-annual spot of K/S. It's a classic ship for a reason, and this fic scratched the itch just right.

Easy As Breathing - electricteatime | @kieren-fucking-walker - 1k, G, Dirk/Todd

"Their days start together. Warm and close, but all elbows and knees, tangled in covers and noses buried into hair. It takes time to swim up through the pull of sleep to break the surface, but when they come to they wake up to each other." A lovely soft distillation of a relationship.

Dress You Up in My Love - electricteatime - 3k, T, Dirk/Todd

“'So, what? Your solution is a pair of skin tight leopard print pants? How is that better than anything I’ve worn?'

Dirk just grins wildly at him, it’s the most like himself he’s looked in days. 'Put them on.'” A fluffy missing scene fic with a wonderful sense of interiority. (How is electricteatime is so good at characterization?!?)

A Flame Undamped - Frayach, read by wench_fics - 5k, 40min, M, Harry/Draco

"A happy ending. Because I can finally imagine one." Hurt/comfort doesn't even BEGIN to cover this sequel to The Price We Pay for Wings. No one does pain and poignancy--and sometimes, healing--like Frayach.

Saturn in Retrograde - gooseflesh - WIP series, M, Dirk/Todd

"As with most things in Dirk Gently's life, things are fine until they're not. A mystery and minor inconvenience for Todd Brotzman takes a terrifying turn when Dirk insists on investigating, and it'll take more than a hunch for them to hold onto to all that they've built." I'm not typically an angst gremlin, but I can't stop reading this WIP, even as the characters' situation worsens exponentially.

Death by Kittenshark - howldax - 1k, G, Dirk/Todd

"'You know,' Dirk says sternly, 'if you murder me, there will be nobody around to feed you.'" Cats (even cats who are also sharks) are gonna cat. Charming and fluffy.

i was born in a summer storm (i live there still) - janeseyre - 10k, G, Farah & Todd & Dirk

"Farah confronts the vestiges of her past as she, Dirk, and Todd travel east to visit her mother. It turns out Farah isn’t as over her father’s death as she thought she was." A deeper look into Farah’s families, both biological and chosen; full of lovely little smile moments and Farah getting the closure she deserves.

The Burning Heart - @may-shepard​ - 119k, M, John/Sherlock, AU (post s3 fix-it)

"Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own." As is my habit with zeitgeist-y fics, I didn't get around to this one until well after the rest of the fandom, but I'm glad I did. Here's to an assassin plot that's actually plausible and compelling!

The Easiest Way - nntkiwff - WIP, T, Dirk/Todd, Farah/Todd (“basically OT3”)

"'Is that everything?'

'Yes, essentially,' Dirk says, as Todd is saying, 'I don't have magic powers.'"  A slow burn WIP, set immediately after the return from Wendimoor, featuring multiple perspectives (including Ken!), in-depth characterization, and some excellent lines, like this one about Farah: “She says all of this as though she is ashamed of being cursed, instead of proud that she blew up an evil warlock.”

Blood Magic and Rebirth (or, The One Where They Are All Feminist Academics) - @notcaycepollard​ - 1k, G, gen (Harry Potter)

"Moon cups, Luna thinks. Moon cups and blood magic. And she remembers the old itch under her skin, and a music box fluttering into a flock of birds, and wonders just how powerful it could be." This is 1000% headcanon for me now.

A Little Bit Scandalous - @oneprotagonistshort - 1k, E, Dirk/Todd

"Dirk Gently was self-aware enough to admit that he had… a thing. A quirk. One of those idiosyncratic little peculiarities that made up a tiny part of his personality. A kink. He just liked that extra edge; the need to be quiet or someone might hear, the blood pounding in his ears while he stayed hyper-alert for footsteps, the way Todd kissed him so urgently that he lost his breath." I especially appreciated the characterization behind the kink in this one.

Relative Distance - Quesarasara | @itsnotgonnareaditselfpeople, read by @lockedinjohnlock-podfics - 45k, 5hrs, E, John/Sherlock

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." One of the author's tags on this fic is "What if everyone just acted like a damn adult for a change?", which really clarifies how the fic differs from the later seasons of the show.

it's an institute you can't disparage - @shortcrust - 19k, T, Dirk/Todd

"Todd wakes up beside Dirk Gently four years to the day after having met him realises - abruptly and with categoric certainty - that he wants to do so every day for the rest of his life. What the fuck, he thinks."  Hilarious, insightful, and absolutely nails a) the ridiculousness and pathos of Todd Brotzman mired in needless self-doubt, and b) my favorite Ship Dynamic: compatible disasters.

there's cell reception on this widow's walk - strix_alba - 2k, T, Farah/Tina

"In which Tina sort-of-kind-of asks Farah to stay with her in Bergsberg, and Farah kind-of-sort-of wants to say yes." Awkward flirting, Farina styles! Tina mentally describes Dirk & Todd & Farah as a “bunch of hot, uptight weirdos,” which is p e r f e c t.

Just Like That - @sussexbound (SamanthaLenore) - 8k, E, John/Sherlock

"For the first time in what feels like years he WANTS." The perfect combination of unf and feeeels.

Further fic recs | Fic Bookmarks

#fic recs #recent reads #brotzly #johnlock #dirk gently's holistic detective agency #bbc sherlock #holmes x watson #acd holmes #star trek tos #kirk/spock #todd x dirk #farah x tina #drarry #harry x draco #harry potter fic #bbc sherlock fic #acd holmes fic #dghda fic #star trek fic #my recs #podfic

[infini-tree]

FANFIC: Bùkěsīyì - Part 13

prev | next

Summary: In which the Musician's Village is evacuated.

A/N: So. This is a year overdue.

Lots of stuff happened, leaving me to go on and off with this chapter. The reason why its something of a supercut of events is mostly to show the monotony of all the traveling back and forth, as well as help highlight things that deviated from all it. Also because the original version just had a lot more unnecessary stuff-- there's a whole scene cut, and another that had to be condensed.

Originally, I wanted this to be one chapter but par for the course it became two in order to give proper depth/development/pacing, so this is more of a chapter 13-a. Shifu is a character that I have very little experience in writing, AU or otherwise.

The Musician’s Village was the furthest village under the Jade Palace’s protection. It wasn’t so much a town you stayed at, so much as passed through. And those that did stay were a hardy folk that could brave whatever nature could throw at them.

Invasions, on the other hand, were another story. They were called the Musician’s Village for a reason.

Shifu breathed in the mountain air, looking at the settlements ahead lit in early morning light. Turns out, the masses had many questions regarding evacuation. Most of them regarding how. First thing’s first-- he needed to organize everyone. Everything needed to be just right for this. He looked down to a small scroll from his supply; on it was a basic procedure, some quick notes penned by him, and a map.

Past the winding trail, past the forest marked down hastily was their destination-- a town with proper walls and safehouses in case worse comes to worst.

It seemed simple enough, but he’s heard enough stories from the Five to know otherwise. He looked back up to a small group, who were looking were looking back at him for guidance. Chatter continued to ring in his ears-- there was too much of it, but he managed to catch snippets of conversation.

“-- he’s the master?” a young voice mused aloud.

“They sent just the one...” another whispered, tone tuned to gossip.

And through the panic, he heard a calmly embittered voice grumble, “Of all the-- I don't have time for this...”

Shifu cleared his throat a little bit louder than expected. The people in front of him lulled into a relative silence.

“You are the first of many groups that I’ll take down to the merchant village at the foot of the mountain.” He began to pace back and forth in front of them. “The Five have already informed the people there and are more than willing to take you all in.

“Women, children, and the elderly should be at the center. Those that don’t fit those categories should be situated around them, while I lead all of you down.”

“Er, that sounds like a lot of work for a little guy like you,” a pig with uneven tusks piped up.

Shifu opted to pretend not to hear that comment, a feat in and of itself considering his large ears. “If they’re unable to walk, get something or someone to carry them with.”

“Are you sure about that--” the pig continued, undeterred and unaware… at least until the master was face to face with him.

The red panda stared him down, shoulders squared as if readying for a battle. He had half a mind to lecture him in front of an entire village for disrupting the assembly of people, but he relented.

It would reflect poorly on the Jade Palace, after all.

Shifu took in a deep breath. Blew it out. “If you have anything to share, I suggest doing it out loud and in front of me.”

Everyone’s eyes were on the both of them. The pig had the decency to look partially chagrined.

“I get that you’re a master,” he continued. “But that seems like a lot of work for any one person. Can you blame me for being worried?”

“No need,” he said with a wave of the hand holding the scroll. “I’ve personally made the quickest possible evacuation plans, accounting for everything; walking speed, population, alternate routes--”

“But is that enough?”

Shifu stared at him, his mouth opening only for nothing to come out. He already knew that this mission had no margin for error, but those words made the failure more palpable. Made him much more aware of everyone’s existence, and how much they depended on him.

Everyone’s eyes were on him now, and they’re expecting something. As much as this was a terrible ordeal, he needed to stay strong for these people, like how the Five would be.

He gulped. No pressure.

“You have my word as a master of the Jade Palace that all of you will get out of here alive.” Shifu’s voice was noticeably slow and deliberate. “I have been assigned this mission, and I will do whatever it takes to finish it. Do I make myself clear?”

The pig pulled back his mouth and could only manage a grimace of a smile, but he nodded regardless. Even if they weren’t being directly lectured at there were others that held similar doubts in the group did so as well.

“Good.” Shifu turned around. “Now the lot of you should get ready before noon.”

“Can I ask you somethin’, master?”

The third group, thankfully, got their bearings quicker than the ones before them. Not by much, admittedly, but just enough to reach the safe town earlier than expected.

And in that reprieve, there was a lot more time for questions… much to Shifu’s chagrin.

He looked up from his planning scroll with a disinterested gaze and meeting eyes with nothing. A quick look down, and he was face-to-face with a rabbit kit that, save for the dirt clinging to her robes, was in good condition.

“Can’t you see he’s busy, Lan Min?” The father stepped forward, his entire frame shaking as he pulled his daughter back.

Shifu’s face smoothed out into something that at least seemed friendly. “It’s fine, I have a bit of time,” he said with a tone that barely masked how not fine it was, or how little time there could be.

“You’re a kung fu master, right? C-- couldn’t you just fight th’ army?”

His ears perked up at the incredulity of that. “Er-- no,” he said finally. “I could fight, but… they’re a lot of people. I would get tired.”

You would be slaughtered, his mind thought back to training sessions with Tigress.

“Oh.” The kit was silent for a moment, a sad sort of disappointment etched on her face. “Wha‘bout the Dragon Warrior? I heard there was a big, big festival an’ then he just kinda appeared.”

Shifu’s brow furrowed in frustration. Even with how far away he was from the Valley, the Dragon Warrior still taunted him-- still infuriated him. He wanted to say no, that the person they chose to be the Dragon Warrior wasn’t even that well-versed in kung fu. That it should have been any of the Five.

That it should have him.

But he didn’t have the heart to say that to a child-- especially one going through such an ordeal.

“I… don’t know,” he managed. Seeing the child’s confused face, he gave a soft smile in an attempt to mask his tiredness and disappointment. “But… I hope so.”

The kit seemed satisfied with this answer before she beamed, completely unaware. “I hope so too!”

The rest of the family shared a soft laugh at that, but before the child could answer any more questions, Shifu straightened up.

“In any case,” he said, perhaps a little too hastily. “I should get back up to the village. There’s still-- there’s still people.”

The mother had ushered Lan Min away, much to her protestations. Meanwhile, the father looked back at him, his brow furrowed. “Master,” he said finally. “I know you must hear this all the time, but… thank you.”

“It’s no problem, this evacuation is all in a day’s work.”

“I’m not talking about that,” he said quietly as his gaze shifted to his wife and kid, who were now mingling with the local villagers here.

They seemed… lighter, if only a little bit.

The buck coughed quietly before making his way to his family, leaving Shifu to stare at where they once were.

The red panda wasn’t exactly sure what he was feeling, but he could ruminate on that later. He was burning daylight here, and there wasn’t much time to ruminate on what exactly he was feeling.

Days began to meld into each other. So did the evacuating villagers’ faces, although Shifu was sure that was due to fatigue. With everything that had happened, it almost felt like he had been doing this for decades as opposed to a few weeks at most.

The mists had overtaken most of the mountains, and by extension the final group to descend. Villagers trudged onward and behind the red panda, their collective brows knitted and eyes downcast.

The trek, like all the treks before it, was monotonous. Maybe that kind of thinking, Shifu surmised, came with the territory of being bedraggled.

They had barely managed to make it past the first turn of the path before someone spoke. “Er, master?” One of the villagers-- a merchant goose with his feathers in a messy topknot looked at him with concern. “Are you alright? One of us could take the lead while you rest--”

“Absolutely not.” He emphasized that point by sweeping his hand in front of him in a defiant gesture.

“I think we can stand to take a small breather.”

Shifu looked back from his position in front. Even with the blanket of fog obscuring everyone, he could see how everyone dragged their collective heels as they tried to keep up. Which, upon further thought wasn’t even a fast of a pace in the first place due to how tired he was. At this point, all of them were running on survival instinct.

With a quiet sigh, he sat down cross legged. “Just keep it short-- we’re on a schedule here.”

The collective group let out a sigh of relief, setting their packs down and took out their respective rations. Soon enough, there was quiet chatter that could even be considered as amiable. There was a faint sour scent of pickled vegetables lingering in the air as they ate and relaxed for the first time in weeks.

From quite a ways away, Shifu took a swig of water from his canteen as he surveyed the path ahead… by walking the length of it back and forth with ears perpetually perked up. For the most part, there was the din of the group behind him and the breeze blowing past the mountaintops.

Despite that, he could still hear… something under all of that. A low rumble, or perhaps--

The red panda tensed up.

The villagers nearest him took note of the sudden shift and stared at him. The goose from before approached him. “Master?”

Even through the wind and low chatter, the sound of marching released was unmistakable.

“Be quiet and follow me.” As the villagers made their way to collect their carts and such, he stopped them. “Only bring what you can carry on your back and a canteen. Everything else needs to stay.”

A howl pierced through the silence. The villagers let out a collective gasp.

There wasn’t much time to process much of anything as the sound of taut string being released echoed in the mountain range.

“Take cover!”

Hundreds of arrows flew out from the mist. Many of them had been aimed at the village, but there was still dozens coming after them.

Shifu leapt up to bridge the gap between him and the arrowfire. As each one had closed in, he had quickly struck them mid-air, quickly gaining upward momentum as they clattered onto the cliff ground around them.

Higher and higher he went, until finally he could just barely see past the cliff edge of the Musician’s Village. Through the fog, he saw a platoon of wolf archers who fell back… and were going down the same path they were currently on right now. Before gravity took over and pulled him back down, the sound of something off had caught his attention.

The sound of metal clanging against each other.

As soon as he landed, the group of villagers crowded around him. The sound of snarling was fast approaching.

“Master, what do we do?”

The red panda stayed silent as his ears began to swivel in the direction of where they came from. Far above, there was the sound of marching and things being moved around.

“Master?” Another villager said through gritted teeth.

In the bit of quiet between footfalls, he could hear a caw, followed by the clanging of metal. He knew a fight when he heard one.

“All of you need to go,” Shifu said finally. With great hesitation, he handed off the scroll he had been using for his mission to the merchant-- surely, he knew his way around a map, if not the way down. “Just take what’s on you, everything else needs to stay--”

There wasn’t time to protest as the sound of snarling was fast approaching. Five wolves cut through the mist armed to the teeth. That is to say, the only weapons they had was their teeth and claws.

The villagers stood stock still, too mortified to run.

"Just go already!" Shifu leapt in front of the final group, standing off against the squadron of wolves. "I'll buy you time!"

After a moment's hesitation, the villagers ran.

One of the wolves noticed the evacuating villagers on the far edge of the ridge and attempted to run after them. This was met with the master pulling him back by the tail and throwing the wolf back. One soldier had managed to get hit square in the face with the body of his comrade, and left them in a bewildered heap.

There wasn’t enough time to process what to do with the downed wolves before the rest of them tackled him to the ground. Shifu quickly struggled out of the grasp of one of the wolves gripping at the collar of his robes, pulled his legs in, and let loose a double kick to the stomach towards the offending wolf.

The soldier flew back into the carts that were left behind, letting out a horrible cacophony of crashing. The remaining two hunched down on all fours and attempted to pounce on the red panda once more.

Shifu leapt up at the last second, causing the both of them to collide into each other. In their bout of disorientation, he delivered a Tiger-styled jab to the both of them. The soldiers fell, their bodies too tired to continue.

For the briefest of moments, the master's shoulders heaved. His ears twitched as the sound of retreating footsteps echoed from below the mists. The evacuating villagers was safe for now, but there was still more soldiers... and by the sounds of the overhead growls coming closer, they were now suspicious at the sound of conflict down here.

Shifu took in a deep breath as he began to go back up the path into the Musician’s Village, steeling himself and following the distant noise of fighting.

Dragon Warrior or not, he was going to end this.

#mellsian fanfics #kfp generationswap au

[esskadi-blog]

The looooong road to baby story - Part I

We’ll begin in true Stephanie style smack dab in the middle of my list from my first post.  I’ve never been known to be orderly. 

I’ve been pretty open with my story of infertility with anyone who asks, but I want to go ahead and get the whole thing down while the details are fresh(ish), so my story has the opportunity to help anyone it can.  This is going to be very thoroughly detailed, and thus very long. THE BEGINNING

Less than 3 months after Brannon and I got married, we found out we were (SURPRISE!) pregnant.  I’ve never been on birth control in my life, so I knew this was a possibility, but it was still unexpected.  We were kind of using the natural family planning form of birth control at this point (i.e. not having sex during the time of the month I’d be fertile.)  However, we weren’t 100% at that....so things happened rather quickly.  At the time we had just bought a house, Hazel was a tiny psycho puppy, I was working full time with Brannon at CCC and had just started Interior Design school full time on top of work.  Not to mention we had joined a kickball team (relevant b/c every ounce of energy I had was being super extra sucked up). I knew I was pregnant before I tested, the same way I’ve known every time since - by the fact that I had become possessed with a demonic rage against Brannon.  I had never felt anything like this kind of irritation before in my life, but I have felt it since - every time I’m in the window of 3-4.5 weeks pregnant.  There’s another symptom I actually get even sooner which is my physical stamina immediately plummets to nonexistant during any form of working out, but this symptom isn’t normally enough to tip me off.  I did however know Khloe K was pregnant before she did in the episode where she’s having a rough go at her regular workout, because the way she describes feeling is how I have felt every single early pregnancy workout.  ANYWAY, back on track.  So here I was a pregnant newlywed and I was super excited but also scared at the same time, and I decided not to tell hardly anyone about this pregnancy.  So it was up to my friend Google to learn all the stuff about finding a doctor and when to go and what to expect and yadda yadda yadda.  Let me tell you, Google is not very good at this sort of advice.  I was told to wait until 8 or 9 weeks, and I was told that all the ladies of Knoxville love a doctor named Brabson and his team of midwives.  So I scheduled my appointment for 9 weeks on the dot, not wanting to appear too eager.  How silly this was in retrospect! The day of the appointment we show up to this wildly outdated office and are called back to a room to receive my first ultrasound.  I was on pins and needles excited to get a look at my little nuggets for the first time (I was convinced they were twins).  The ultrasound tech starts looking around in there and we’re seeing some stuff on the screen, but I don’t have a clue what I’m looking at, and the ultrasound tech is DEAD SILENT.  She then says she’s going to go get a midwife.  Midwife comes in and they start probing around again and the ultrasound tech mentions something about a yolk sac and a fetal pole or something, but this is all gibberish to me because I’d not previously schooled myself in anything to do with whats happening in my body, and nothing was stated in plain English until the midwife starts to tear up and stroke my arm and literally just says, “If it were me I’d wait a week and check again to be sure.”  And I’m still sitting there like wait a week for what?! What on earth is going on?! No one had mentioned anything about what they were not seeing that they were supposed to be seeing.  I had no idea at this point that we should be able to see a heartbeat and we weren’t seeing it, because like I said I’d done zero research into this type of thing.  So all I knew was something was wrong, but I was too shocked to want to ask anymore questions I guess, and I was wondering if the infamous Dr. B was anywhere around because maybe I could see him next and he’d actually tell me what was happening? But that was not to be, after way more arm petting than I was comfortable with they sent us on our way.  So we went home and of course that was when I decided I had questions.  I called the office back in hysterics asking if the midwife could explain to me what was seen on the ultrasound but the midwife I had seen was gone, and the girl who had taken over said she couldn’t tell me anything over the phone and that I needed to come back in a week, but I had absolutely zero desire to step foot in that office ever again. We were going to Birmingham that weekend where we had planned on sharing the good news with Brannon’s parents, but instead I was stifling the emotions of potential miscarriage the whole weekend. With my lack of information from the midwife or ultrasound tech, I promptly googled the few words I could remember from the experience (namely “fetal pole” and “yolk sac”) and began looking at other images of 9 week ultrasounds to see what I was supposed to be seeing.  What I could recognize was that what I had seen on the screen was not as developed as what I was finding in the image search.  My thing hadn’t looked anything like this clear shot of a little tadpole like embryo with a defined head and body.  I had seen a picture perfect circle, maybe 2 circles?, but nothing remotely human like.  I deduced that maybe this meant there was no baby developing at all, and I told brannon thinking of it this way made me less sad because all along I had felt like I was pregnant with twins, so this made me feel more like I was just making the whole connection up if really nothing was happening.  

The following week I had my ultrasound with the new doctor (not just a tech...thank goodness!) and was shown my twins whose hearts had stopped beating probably around 8 weeks.  I was heartbroken knowing I’d been right about the twin feeling, but glad to know what was going on.  We discussed options and I opted to have a d&c the following Sunday so I would get it over with and not miss any work or school.  The on call doctor for Sunday approved my surgery and she ended up being my favorite obgyn I’ve had in Knoxville so I was happy to be in her care for the surgery and aftermath.  I ended up hemorrhaging in surgery so it was a little scarier than expected, and I did end up missing a day of work and school, but everything turned out ok in the end. 

Following this situation I knew I wasn’t ready to be pregnant again for awhile, both because of the emotional recovery and the fact that I now understood so much better the intense physical toll pregnancy takes on your body (i.e. 24/7 worst hangover of your life) so we made greater efforts to avoid this happening again for the next year or so while I got deeper into design school and we enjoyed our first year of marriage.  I guess I shouldn’t end this part of the story without explaining the way this first miscarriage left me feeling, as each one has been unique.  This time I was left feeling pretty alone.  I didn’t feel like Brannon really felt the same depths of emotions pertaining to the loss, and none of my friends had gone through this.  One friend with a child said some pretty insensitive stuff when I was trying to talk to her about it one day so that left me feeling more closed off and alone. Another friend without a child always knew the most perfect thing to say to make me feel better. My brother and sister-in-law had just gone through a miscarriage of their own weeks before, so I did have them, but our situations were different in that they’d been trying for that baby for awhile, so I didn’t feel like my pain was really worthy of being related to the greater depth of their pain. But I guess back to trying to explain some of the miscarriage emotions, I’ve learned that for me the massive flux in hormones leaves me feeling the same way each time for at least 2-3 weeks.  It has always mostly resolved by the start of my next cycle.  It’s easy to see the difference between the depression like feelings brought on by the hormone flux and the more deeply rooted feelings of hopelessness that lingered past the first cycle of subsequent miscarriages when I was so desparately wanting a baby and not knowing if it would ever be in the cards for me. The last factor brought on by this miscarriage is something that will probably never leave me, and thats the little hint of worry brought on by reading stories of misdiagnosed miscarriages in the time since, and wondering if maybe it was too soon to have detected the heartbeats or if the timing was incorrect.  I can mostly logic these worries away (with really good reason), but theres a tiny shred of me that will always have that fear, I think just because I was so much less informed about everything that was happening with this miscarriage than I was with the next ones. 

One final note on this first miscarriage is an interesting fact I picked up on much later when reviewing my medical records from the pregnancy.  On that second ultrasound done at the good doctor, my twins’ measurements showed an estimated due date of 6/16/14.  This sent chills up my spine, because my dad and his twin sister were born 6/16/61. :) Of course this wouldn’t have been their actual EDD because they’d spent the last week not living, but it was still pretty crazy to see on paper!  Ok I thiiiiiiiink that about covers it for babies 1 &2.  We’ll pick up in fall of 2014 for part 2 of this probably 3-4 part story. 

#miscarriage #pregnancyloss #twinmiscarriage

[nothingneverforever]

Mein Schwiegervater, der Stinkstiefel (2015)

Yo I’m on some kinda mad roll today. So I watched most of How To Be Single while doing cardio in the early evening, then felt unfulfilled and did some sick weights around midnight, while watching this. Feeling #swole as hell right now. best year ever!:-)

This just happened to be starting on CinemaWorld when I started my first set of bicep curls, and I was going to change the channel because I’m usually not into German films, the few that I’ve seen have always been really weird and kinda scary in the most human-to-human way (i.e. not ghost-type scary) and left me feeling a bit unsettled, and anyway I mostly avoid small-European-town films because there is no romance of the perfect White town for me, but the description said this was a comedy so I thought it would be safe.

There’s nothing funny about the film, I actually can never see lightness in anything that contains an unexpected death, even if/especially if it is depicted as not serious and quickly forgotten about (this is why I can’t enjoy black comedy or attempts at it), and there were 2 sexual harassment scenes (1 was really fucking scary) so, no, this is not a comedy, the issues of xenophobia and racial hatred and sexual exploitation are very real. But nonetheless (wtf? nonetheless?) this was really great and beautiful, the characters whole and believable (even if intended to be absurd), the cinematography typically sensitive and the shots well curated, the weight of the film very real and lasting.

It is saved from the kitsch depths of a bad film, from being too saccharine and feel-good with a necessarily unrealistic scene, in which the pastor bursts out in impassioned tirade against his racist/shitty/stupid audience in the pews. “Do you have any idea how hard life is outside for other people?”, he shouts (it was really nicely acted, not as heavy handed as it sounds), before exposing, and condemning, their “hypocritical morality”. This was muchly appreciated by the sweaty (thx, kettlebell!) me, because as I wrote in my Hot Fuzz review, small white towns ain’t shit:

I had to watch this film for a second time, because the first time I was on the treadmill in the middle of a particularly difficult uphill workout, but also because I was totally captured by the newness (daringness? Longtimecomingness?) of the suggestion that small towns/villages ain’t shit and couldn’t think of much else. For the fakeass veil of prettiness, perfectness, and absolute contentedness to be yanked off and for the true, exaggerated but believable, reality to be revealed was so appreciated. For so long I have resented pretend-utopias – I remember in January 2014 we came back from our first winter break in school and were sat in a mass circle discussing things that had happened in our home countries over the holiday, and perhaps to lighten the mood created by personal stories of the South Sudanese civil war, Israeli attacks and other grave and unfortunate strife, someone shared with mock-seriousness that the Norwegian King had changed the menu for the annual Christmas dinner, a move that had created a huge uproar (or something, didn’t listen properly, wdv, everyone sux). Everyone laughed and the Norwegians revelled in the smallness of their non-issues. Fuck, Norway (and the rest of Scandinavia) is not at all a problemless paradise, obviously, fuck everyone who romanticises it, and soooooooo what I want to say is that Hot Fuzz was special in showing the actual closed-mindedness that goes behind every idyllic setting.

http://nothingneverforever.tumblr.com/post/135985866121/hot-fuzz-2007

 Mein Schwiegervater, der Stinkstiefel achieved the same, yanking the prettified veil off snowy towns, but with much more subtlety and authenticity than Hot Fuzz (which had it’s many problems). Anyway this film made me think of many things, like mail-order and picture brides, sex tourism in Southeast Asian countries and other sad realities. Early on in the film I recalled a reading from my sociology module last semester (Transnational Marriages Within Ethno-National Groups, Michael C. Howard) and got distracted by trying to remember the stories from the reading, of the many various situations that bring white men to foreign lands for love. Everything is sad.

This was showing on TV under the name “Father-out-law”, but there is close to zero information about this film titled this way on the internet, most of the results I got from typing “father out law 2016” were about Jared Kusher LOL…