#and bucky LIVES for the drama of it all

[winterarmyy]

Thin Walls, Thin Lines

What will happen if a fuckboy falls in love with a hopeless romantic?

Summary: Modern society surely had corrupted the mind of the hundred-something year old man, Bucky Barnes, when he seemed to have forgotten the art of courting a lady. Lost in lust and pleasure, he had been indulging with endless array of different girls on his bed almost every night. And the opposite side of that thin walls of his room, lives a hopeless romantic who he was madly in love with.

Navigation: Original Version || Deleted Scene* (alt. ending)

Pairing: fuckboy!bucky x female!reader

Words: 4.9k++

Warnings: avenger au, explicit language/contents, angst, lil bit of drama, fluff, please bare with the fuckery of bucky barnes, reader is sensitive yet quite fiesty too. i can't backup steve on this one, he is on his own.

A/N: As you can see from the navigation bar, we have two different endings for this fic, because I am greedy and indecisive. The original version ended with fluff and the deleted scene (alternate ending) ended with absolute filth of a smut. So... enjoy! 💕

P/S: And this is also my submission for @jessybarnes 's writing challenge. I have chosen "Kiss me again" from the prompt list and I hope you like the way I used it in this fic!

Read my other works here: Masterlist

Y/N has always been a hopeless romantic. She dreams of a love like the ones she read in books. She craved someone who loves her so deeply that she could never find peace in anyone else but him. She wanted all the love songs and poetry to be reminders of him; his beauty, his charms.

Fresh flowers, stargazing, coffee dates, kisses that tastes of cotton candy, warm cuddles, and every little things in between; she longed for it all. She dreams of a love that is so consuming until all that's left in that small bubble of infatuation is their entangled soul mending each other to the bone.

That's what makes her a hopeless romantic.

And very much the opposite of her was Bucky. He is an infuriating flirt. There's not a day goes by that he doesn't call her with sickeningly sweet nicknames; doll, gorgeous, princess, darling, you name it. He will definitely drop some suggestive lines at any given chance and most of the time when she least expected.

He can charm anyone just by his presence, and if you're lucky enough to get one of his infamous smile; then you best believe that you won't be going home alone that night, or able to walk proper the next morning. He is the typical playboy you know and hate; very often she'll see different girl in his arms or on his bed. And that man seemed to not know when to stop. Sometimes, she do wonder if he ever got tired of sex. Because she knows for certain that he can go on and on for hours, daily.

"Fuck,, that's it. Spread your legs for me. Yeah, 'atta girl."

Speaking of the devil.

This has been recurring for months now. It seems like the man never sleep because his voice would always wake her up. She couldn't decide what was worse; between being forced to hear the sounds of the skin slapping, the bed creaking, him groaning and her squealing or being a super light sleeper that even a whisper in her room would jolt her awake.

Y/N let out an annoyed grunt when she swoop her head under the pillow, hoping to silenced the noises even just a little bit. Surprise; it didn't help at all. Her body cringed and her face contorted into a squint when she hear the other woman announcing her release as the headboard hits the wall a little harder, a little faster.

Bucky Barnes sure is a fuckboy but unfortunately for her, he is also the man she fell in love with.

She refused to show it, but lord knows how much her heart simply swell to the sight of his smile. Despite the flirtatious tendencies of his, there was something about him that attracted her like a magnet; or like a moth to a flame.

Maybe it was his old soul, or maybe because she saw glimpses of timeless charm in him; the way he moves, the way he gazes, and the way treated her. Nevertheless, it was such a devastating thing for someone like her to fall for someone like him.

The last thing she wanted in a man, is to look at her like she was just a good fuck and nothing more. She just couldn't imagine herself to be tied with someone like that. And Bucky was exactly that someone.

Y/N haven't been able to get more than 2 hours of sleep for months now. The lack of it had caused her to drastically lose physical strength and lately fatigue has been a constant presence as well.

So she decided to go the medbay to consult Dr. Cho about it. After running some tests, she sat her down for some Camomile tea as she went through the results, "It seemed like the severe lack of sleep had took a really heavy toll on you."

Y/N sighed as she place the tea cup on the back on the table, "Yes, I am well aware of that. That is precisely why I am here."

"Nightmares?" Dr. Cho speculated.

If the definition of nightmare is 'the moans of the man, that she had a crush on, fucking someone else next door' then, yes. She was having long and nearly endless nightmares for months now.

"Something like that." She lied.

"Then, I have some medication that I can prescribe to you. You should take it daily after dinner and..." Before Dr. Cho managed to finish her instructions, Y/N quickly asked, "Is it possible to fix me without meds?"

Dr. Cho frowned curiously, "Why wouldn't take meds? That's the quickest way to help for your situation, as far as I know." she asked.

This was not her first rodeo; she had troubles sleeping back when she was merely teenager. And the last time tried using meds, she ended up almost overdosed herself from it, "It's just... I prefer not to." she evaded.

Dr. Cho nodded understandingly before clarifying the current situation, "Well then, I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do for you. Though some research suggested that meditation routine before sleep can help. Or putting up some natural ambience like the sound of rain or waves--"

Y/N wasn't really listening after the first sentence. Because all she could thought of was how much longer she can bare with this and what will it take for her to finally snap.

Y/N was dying. At least it felt like it.

With her deprivation of sleep and the intense combat training she had to go through today, her patience was reaching it's limit. After visiting the medbay 2 weeks ago, she had tried to approach Bucky about it but he always took it lightly.

There was series of insincere apology followed by a cheeky promise to 'keep the tone down' for her. But nothing changed. She asked him again and again; days gone by he didn't live up to the end of his bargain.

For those past week, Y/N had resorted to sleep in the living room for most of the nights. How she dreaded to leave her comfy bed but she could no longer tolerate the sounds coming from the other side on the wall. Though she still jolted awake from time to time due to how uncomfortable it was sleeping on a couch, but at least she got more than 2 hours of sleep if she was to compare to the nights she slept in her own room.

It's not she didn't notice it at all; she knew exactly how and why it happened. The habit of microsleeping that she developed during the course of this training. The slowed reaction time, the lack of energy, she can feel it. But, there was nothing she can do about it.

The only cure for this was to get some rest. A proper rest. And that can't happened, not without Bucky's cooperation.

When Y/N was marching towards the sargent who was sitting way across the gym; she could see how his eyes undress every piece of her clothing, how his tongue rolled out and his teeth sunk into his lips.

She wasn't even wearing anything remotely provocative but here he was lusting over the way her hips sway especially when he was the one she's walking towards.

The moment she stood in front of him, his mouth lifted into a smirk, "Yes, princess. How may I be of your service?" His voice was sultry and the way he towers over made her slightly nervous for no reason.

Her heart fluttered, yet her lips refused to form a smile, "Don't call me princess."

"I apologize, my queen." Bucky gave her a cheeky smile.

Y/N didn't want to drag this any longer than she should, so she quicky jump into it and said, "So you know how I’m like-"

"-absolutely embarrassingly in love with me? Yes, I'm familiar go on." Bucky cuts in. If panic ever rose in her chest, then she was doing an incredible job of hiding it, "Can you just shut up for a second and take me seriously?"

His eyes glint with flirtaous mischief when he replied, "Doll, you know the fastest way to shut me up is to kiss me."

Y/N simply sighed before she began to rant, "I really don't have the mood for this banter with you, Barnes. I just want you tone down your nightly routine. It is because of you I've been having trouble sleeping and--"

He quickly stopped her before she nags even more than she already did, "Okay, okay I get it. We've been through this, doll." Bucky's face lit up when he suggested, "How about I help you sleep, hmm? I may know a thing or two about tiring someone out." There was surely something unholy in those steel blue eyes of his.

And Y/N picked it up rather quick, but considering the amount of times he had insinuate something more than just a friendly banter, then of course she knew exactly what he was suggesting, so she simply replied, "No offense, Barnes. But, I don't do one night stand or no strings attached thing. And with a manwhore like you? No, thank you." sassy was her answer.

Bucky's head tilted back as he laughed, then when he spoke his voice was like a devil luring an angel to sin, "Oh babydoll, if I were to be a whore, it'll only be for you." He stepped closer so that only she can hear his confession.

His masculine scent hits her nose, mixture of the citrus cologne and his natural odour was just perfect. Annoyingly alluring; but perfect. And it took all her will to hold it together and blatantly rejects him, "Still not interested."

Bucky groaned in protest, "Come on, princess. You can't keep dreaming for some prince charming to court you, do you? You know that's probably never going to happen right?"

Surely he meant only to tease her; that it was less likely that an actual prince to romance her. Not that she did not deserve the world; she does. And Bucky was more than will to burn it to the ground if that's what she wanted.

But, Y/N didn't see it that way. She thought that Bucky meant that she is not worthy enough for a decent man to court her with respect and chilvary; that she was just a toy fit for fucking and nothing more. And the fact that her "insomia" had affected her usually high patience and reduced it to almost paper thin, it was only fair for her to finally snap.

She can tolerate his endless flirtation but she can't simple turn a blind eye for his insult.

Bucky was caught by surprise why Y/N harshly grabbed him by the collar, pushing him back and nearly stumbled; her eyes was pure fire when she growled, "Don't you dare mock the way I value relationship, Barnes." Her nose flared with anger and the commotion has attracted some prying eyes towards the two.

"Just because you enjoy fucking anything that breathes, that doesn't mean that everyone else does." She seethed, "The only cock that will be wrecking my pussy would belong to someone I love and if you have a problem with that, you can fuck right off." She forcefully pushed him until his ass landed on the bench behind him.

Her feet stomped all throughout her exit out of the gym, leaving Bucky in a blinking confusion.

He knew it was wrong.

It felt good. It felt right.

But, it was so fucking wrong.

To keep moaning Y/N's name when he railed those strangers to heaven; when he came so hard into the thin layer of condom. And it was always a soft and slow type of whimper, right in those girls' ears. So intimate, so careful not to let his secret out; knowing how thin the walls between him and the love of his life.

But, he certainly didn't care about the girl he was fucking. If it wasn't for his heavy body pinning her from behind, she would've elbowed him right in the guts for moaning another woman's name. Unfortunately for him, she quickly ditched and see herself out after the first round.

Now, he laid there; naked and bare. Thinking of how he simply couldn't help it. How could he not think of Y/N all the times? Not when he was deeply, helplessly in love with her. But, he knew she wouldn't bat an eye at him now that he had the reputation of a "fuckboy", as the young ones describes it. She especially made it clear today at the gym. She's never going to give him a chance now.

Not when she's a hopeless romantic. And the fact that he too was once the same was just aggravating to him. He was such a gentleman decades ago; before Hydra, before the war, when he was but a young man living Brooklyn.

His Ma had really shaped him into the perfect gentleman; every parents in the neighbourhood wanted him as their son-in-law. They claimed he would make the perfect husband for their daughters. But, things are different now. And he knew that the man he was before was long forgotten.

It was just curiosity at first; about how sex works in the 21st century. However, Bucky quickly fall into the promises of lust and pleasure; changing girls like changing clothes. He let himself dosed in ecstasy, as if it was a drug to silenced the dark and haunting memories of his past, like it was a quick escape from reality, from the Winter Soldier.

Then, Y/N happened.

Bucky never saw it coming; but, he fell. Hard.

They were colleague for years and had been a good friend he can rely on besides Steve. She was so sweet and pretty. Probably the most gorgeous woman he ever laid his eyes on, in the hundred something year old life of his. Most importantly, she was kind and patient and strong and fierce yet so unforgivingly selfless. 

But that didn't matter now, does it? Especially when she despise him. And it was all because of the unholy title he held.

At first Bucky didn't notice it, but now that he stepped closer into the living room, he heard it again. The rustling fabric, the quiet whimper coming from the sofa. His steps were as careful as a wolf on a hunt, stalking a hiding prey in between the trees.

If Bucky were to guess what he would find on a late night trip to the kitchen, he would've probably said 'ice cream' and not 'Y/N sleeping in the living room'. His eyes briefly raked her sleeping figure, curling uncomfortably into the pastel purple blanket. Then at the scattered pillows on the floor around her.

Why was she sleeping in the living room?

Another whine passed her lips and his attention was locked on her frowning face; it seemed like she was having a bad dream. Bucky carefully crouch next to her, and ravel in her beauty. Such delicate features, long lashes, pretty freckles across her nose, and those soft looking lips; he would kill just to taste her them, to sink his teeth in between them.

It worried him though; to see her sleeping here. She was clearly uncomfortable, it was a mystery that she managed to even fall asleep in the first place. Bucky suspected she simply passed out due to today's training. It was particularly hard, even for him. Let alone a normal human being like Y/N.

Not to mention the fight that they had.

Then, it clicked. The complains about how she had trouble sleeping. It wasn't just to make fun of him or tease him in any way. It was a plead. She needed to be heard and he completely blew her off with jest and jokes.

"Was it because of... me?" Bucky thought to himself. It all made sense now, "Shit." A curse rang in his mind when he bit the insides of his cheek. He was mad at himself. How could he be so insensitive? And he claimed to love her? Please. What an absolute piece of shit he was.

When Y/N began to toss and turn, her blanket fell from her body. Even in her sleep, the cold managed to catch her. She instinctively curled towards herself, seeking warmth but was no avail.

She look so small and Bucky felt a surge of need to cuddle her close, keeping her safe, keeping her warm in his arms. But if he does that, he'd probably get kicked in the nuts. So instead, he picked up the fallen blanket lay it back across her whole body; carefully not to disturb her sleep.

Bucky smiled softly when she snuggled into the fabric and before he walked away, he swore to stop this corrupting habit of his and apologize for being such a douchebag to her. And if he's lucky, maybe he could even properly court her.

But for now, he just needed to go through tommorrow's mission. So does everyone one else in the team.

"Do you realized what you have done?" Not matter how hard he tried to hold it back, everyone in the Quinjet can see how Steve was seething.

Y/N's lost of sleep had took a toll on her more than she realized now that it had affected her performance in mission. She tried to ignore the way she was basically seeing Steve's feet multiply by the second, and continued to look down in shame, "I'm sorry, Captain."

"Don't apologize to me. Nat's the one who got shot because of you!" He yelled as he pointed at the red haired woman at the side of the plane.

No matter how much she wanted to blame Bucky on this; how he literally robbed her from fulfilling her human needs to rest at night, but she just couldn't. It was her fault that Natasha got hurt. If she was more alert, she would've seen the enemy standing right in front of her. If she was awake enough, then Natasha wouldn't get hurt.

Tears threatened to form when she looked over at her dear friend, bleeding at the side, "I'm so sorry, Nat. I really am. I didn't know what came to me and I--"

"Oh please, I'd take a bullet for you any day of the week, honey." Natasha swiftly cuts into her apology, in attempt to diffuse the heated situation.

But, Steve totally disagree with her, "Don't make this 'okay', Nat. You almost died because for her carelessness. Being inadequate shouldn't be okay for any agent to do. It is extremely reckless and downright stupid."

There was a sound of a distant gasp from the pilot pit, "Language!" Tony was clearly trying to lighten up the mood but it failed rather miserably when no one reacted.

Steve had every right to be mad, especially when his girlfriend was injured because of this, but oh does it hurt to hear his stabbing words. It hurts more when it comes from the Captain America himself.

God, she was extremely tired.

Physically, mentally and that's what happens when a person is lack of sleep. Then when she thought about all her hardwork and struggles to train amongst the superhero themselves, she couldn't help but to crack; and the tears that was building up in her eyes finally fell.

When Steve saw it, he lost it completely, "Oh, you're gonna cry now? WOW. Real mature, y/n. You can't disappoint me more can you?" At that point, he was being a little too mean for anyone's liking.

Especially Bucky.

So Bucky slowly pulled Y/N back, and shielded her body behind his as he went on face to face with his bestfriend, "That's enough, Steve." He warned but Steve doesn't seem to get the idea, "No, Buck. Do you see--"

Bucky took one step closer, his menacing glare went right through Steve's soul, "I said... that's enough." He repeated his words. This time the message went through.

Steve gulped and cleared his throat as he waved a dismissing hand, "I expect a full report and a letter of apology from you when we get back, y/n." He ended his sentence with his back turned and then walked away towards his girl.

When Bucky turned around to face Y/N, she was but a crying mess. Tears kept streaming down and her lips quivered in so much sadness. Now, that she was in the light, Bucky could see the darker shades on the bag of her eyes.

This was his fault. If he just stopped goofing around and listen to what she had to say yesterday, she wouldn't need to go through this, "Oh sweetheart..." though he meant to call her in his mind, it might just slipped through his lips.

Y/N glared up at him, "This was none of your concern, Barnes." She spat.

He shrugged, "Well, lucky for you, I don't care whose it is. What I know is I care about you. Now, let's get that wound patch up." Bucky simply said, and that was when she realized that her ribs were slashed open, bleeding and torn. Maybe it was not too deep, that was why she didn't notice it.

But it is an injury nonetheless, and it was a surprise to her that Bucky noticed it. "I don't want your help." She frowned yet continued to sniffle.

"Yeah, but you need it." He replied as he carefully tucked the loose strand of her hair behind her ears.

Unable to think of any comebacks, she let her fatigue win over. Her lips shut tightly and her chest shuddered for breaths. And when Bucky took her hand in his and lead the way, her body instantly responded by gripping him tight.

Bucky's heart soared at the touch of her small hand in his, while fire was burning in hers.

She hates him. She hates how caring he can be. She hates how soft he was when handling her. And she hates how easy it was for him to make her fall for him even more.

Y/N's body quickly went on auto pilot; she let him undress the blood soaking top and patch her wounds. And Bucky let her cry her heart out on his shoulder all the way back home to New York.

That night when everyone had settled back to their own rooms, Y/N was prepping to sleep outside again. It was like a schedule for Bucky to always fuck whatever his frustrations out when they finished a mission.

And she doesn't want to hear any of it. Not tonight.

Thankfully, her wounds were mostly healed thanks to Dr. Cho and her ingenious of a machine, Cradle. That thing fixed the teared tissue right up with its regenerative  functions.

Now, Y/N just needs to endure the bruises but those are bearable. What she couldn't bear is the lack of energy and goodnight's sleep. She wished to just pass out for days and not wake up even if a prince came to kiss her to wake.

And she knew that sleeping in her room won't give her that.

Y/N piled her pillows and blanket on top of another before scanning the room one last time to make sure she didn't leave anything behind. Because she was not planning to step foot in her room until dawn comes, hoping the sounds from the other side of the room died down by then.

When she was walking pass Bucky's, she noticed how awfully quiet his room was, but she didn't think about it too much. She waited for the elevator to open its door only to reveal the man himself, "Barnes."

He eyed how Y/N's figure almost hidden behind the piles of pillow in her hold. He stepped out as he asked, "Where do you think you're going?" Bucky knew exactly where but he was not having any of that.

It was weird to her that she didn't see any sign or Bucky's hook-up in his arms, but she bet that there will be one after she's gone downstairs, "Away from you, that's for sure." She said, taking a step into the elevator but instantly stopped the moment Bucky blocked her path.

Bucky lips flatten against each other; he didn't say anything, he only frowned down at her then simply grabbed her wrist and dragged her back to her room.

Utterly confused, "What are you doing? Hey, let go of me." She twisted her wrist in his hold, while trying to balance the pillows from falling. A useless trial it was; because who could even escape that metal grip of his.

Bucky quickly respond, "No. You're not sleeping on that shitty sofa tonight." He stopped in the middle of the corridor and turned to her, "You're injured, y/n. You need on a proper rest on a proper bed." He coaxed.

How did he know that she had been sleeping on the coach? She thought before saying out loud, "I'm fine, Barnes. It's not even that deep of a wound, the Cradle fixed it clean. So, can you just... let go of my hand?" She sighed.

But Bucky refused to even spare her a glance, he silently tug her and stomp his way towards her room. There waa retaliation on her side, but his lack of response had lead Y/N to her defeat. She begrudgingly followed his long strides until she they stood by her bed.

He snatched each of the pillows and blankets off her hands, while Y/N simply blinked speechlessly as she watched Bucky started set up her bed like he had been doing it everyday.

Weirdly, at times like this, she found him extremely lovely. There was no corny and flirty comment about her, or his annoying habit of teasing every little thing she does.

There was just a comfortable silence and a kind gesture; the type that pulled the red strings of her heart just enough to make her want to dream of him.

Fucking hell, she can't believe that he managed to do that again! Making her fall for his antics. He really needs to stop doing that, it's simply rude.

Y/N broke from her love struck trance when she felt his cold metal laced around her hand again, he pulled her closer, "Now hop on, bunny. You need to rest." He lead her under the blanket and she grumbled curses under her breath, something about he need stop calling her weird nicknames like that.

When she was well tucked in and comfortable, Bucky sat at the edge of the bed by her side and spoke, "I'm sorry. For not trying to listen to you at the gym yesterday. I was a jerk."

His apology was so sincere that Y/N caught herself in a shock. Who is this man? What has he done to Bucky Barnes?

His eyes lingered to the wall behind her bed as if he was trying to find the right words to address it, "About the noises..." he trailed, "...it'll stop from now on."

Oh. Nevermind. She liked this Bucky. She wants to keep him forever, "Really? You mean it?" There weren't any effort put to hide her excitement when her voice nearly squeaked.

Bucky chuckled amusingly at her reaction, "Really, doll. But, you gotta promise not to sleep on the couch again."

Sparks of joy filled her chest when he confirmed his decision. Sure, it was such a small favour to do to anyone. But, she appreciate his efforts to make amends. "Hmm, I promise." She hummed happily, blinking slow as the comfort of her bed lured her into a drowsy state.

"Thanks, Bucky." Her mentioned his name.

Thank god for the super sensitive hearing ability, cause Bucky surely love the sound of her voice whispering his name so softly, "For apologizing or for tucking you to sleep?" He jest.

It only made her eyes rolled to the side and a smile spread across her face, "Both." she said. "And for what you did on the jet."

Bucky simply shrugged as if it was a normal thing to do. But, it wasn't. It was rare for him to challenge Steve like he did. And he did it for her, "Really, I owe you one." She said assuringly.

A playful smirk pulled on Bucky's lips when he spoke "Doll, you shouldn't be saying that so carelessly. Who knows I might use it for despicable things." Surely, he love to be the cause to bloom those red shades on her cheeks.

But it didn't happened when she asked quietly, "Will you?"

And the silence that came after was heavy with tenderness while their eyes spoke the truth to one another. As the thin lines in between got blurry, for once, there was just streams of genuine feelings pouring out of them, leaking through and contaminating the air with its magic.

Would he? Take advantage of her?

How could he though? He loved her too much to even think of purposely hurting her. "No." Bucky replied as he leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on her forehead, "Sleep well, princess." He mumbled against her skin.

And he pulled back, he grinned a cheeky smile. There it was; the pink blush on her face, wide surprise of her eyes and her slightly parted lips. She looked so adorable. He swore couldn't get enough of it.

"Kiss me again..." she nearly growled, but her blushing on her face didn't indicate anger, "...and I will choke you in your sleep." Though it was an attempt to threaten but typical of Bucky to just love to turn things around, "Hmm, is that an invitation, princess?" He purred and stole another kiss; this time, on her cheek. "Then, I will be looking forward to it." He whispered as quickly as he removed himself from the scene.

When he found his own bed, he couldn't help but to laugh at the muffled scream coming from the opposite side of the thin walls, "James. Fucking. Barnes!!!"

End.

Alternate ending (smut edition): Deleted Scene >>

Read my other works here: Masterlist

A/N: I hope you drop some thoughts behind before going to the deleted scene. Which I know you will. See you on the other side 👀

#jessybarnesreaches500 #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #avenger!bucky #fuckboy!bucky #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #thin walls thin lines au

[lovewithmary]

(not) moving on — a max verstappen x stark!oc x charles leclerc series

★ fc: madison beer ☆ summary: evangeline "evie" stark is in love with her best friend, max verstappen, but he tries his best to keep her at arm's length. but what happens when she starts to get close to his fellow drivers in the paddock? ★ notes: early chapter bc I am too impatient so I’m taking the poll results as is and assuming charles is the winner. anyways, drama is happening!!!

previous next series masterlist

"Evie's baking,"

"We know,"

"My daughter is baking for two tiny villages or two super soldiers, and none of you thought to ask if there was something wrong?" Tony asked, watching as his fellow Avengers, his wife, and his youngest daughter were all eating the pastries that Evie had been baking since she got off the phone.

"Parker tried grabbing the spatula from her hand, but she threw a bowl at his head. But luckily his Peter Tingle saved him and he dodged," Bucky explained, mouthful with a slice of one of the cakes Evie made.

"I told you not to call it the Peter Tingle!" Peter complained.

"I think she had a fight with Max," Morgan's tiny voice piped up, oblivious to the heads that turned to her.

"Morg, why didn't you say that earlier?" Pepper asked.

Morgan blinked innocently and shrugged, then said, "You didn't ask,"

"Okay, who wants to be the one to ask her about Max?"

A tense air fell between some of the most powerful people in the world, only for them to touch their noses and say, "Not it!"

Unfortunately for him, Tony himself was the last one to do it, which made him curse. "I should've just stayed in my lab," he muttered but went to the kitchen to see that Evie was already starting another batch of cupcakes as if the pile of used cupcake liners between Steve and Bucky wasn't enough.

"Hello, tesoro," Tony greeted, concerned at the fact that Evie barely reacted at the sound of his voice.

"The dining room isn't that far from the kitchen, papa. I don't need to have powers or be a Super Soldier to hear you guys," Evie commented.

"So, will it be easier to ask what happened between you and Max that's made you spiral into a hurricane of frosting— is that macrons? When did you learn how to make macrons?" Tony asked, caught off-guard.

"Max and I had a little misunderstanding. And I didn't know how to make macrons until earlier," Evie responded.

"A little misunderstanding? You're taking over my kitchen with baked goods for a little misunderstanding?"

"I will find a way to bake you if you don't stop!" She threateningly responded, the aforementioned spatula Peter tried taking was in her hand menacingly pointed at Tony.

Tony raised his arms up in surrender, "I won't ask then. I will just be here, in the corner of the kitchen, giving you moral support," he said, taking a step away from his daughter and near the door just in case.

Silence fell between the father and daughter, Evie angrily making a bowl of frosting while Tony was thinking about whether or not he had to bring in Pepper for his own moral support.

That was until, "Do I insert myself into people's business too much? Is it something I do regularly?" Evie blurted out.

"I think you insert yourself into people's business when you think you need to. I don't think it's a lot, but then again, you help me with my business, so I can't say it's too much," Tony shrugged.

She groaned, not getting a clear answer. She should've known that her dad wasn't going to outright tell her when she was being too invasive. "I'm serious, dad," she told him.

"Did Max say something? Whatever he said, ignore it. He drives for a living, he's wrong no matter what,"

"I thought you liked Max. You've known him since he was a kid,"

"I don't like him if he makes my daughter upset,"

"Dad..."

"What did he say?" Tony asked once more.

Evie sighed before washing her hands and grabbing her phone from the pocket of her apron and then giving it to her dad, unlocked and the texts already on the screen. She watched as her dad's face turned angry.

"I'll shoot him out of the sky with one of my repulsors—"

"Dad, no,"

"He didn't have to talk to you like that! That little shit—"

"What do I do?" Evie interrupted him, knowing that if she let him rant, he'd end up wearing one of the Iron Man suits, already on the way to wherever the next race was.

"Do what Starks do best,"

"Which is?"

"To get under people's skin,"

#f1 imagine #f1 instagram au #f1 x oc #f1 ig au #f1 oc #f1 smau #f1 social media au #f1 x reader #f1 x y/n #f1 x you #max verstappen smau #max verstappen x oc #max verstappen fic #max verstappen x reader #avengers crossover #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x oc #charles leclerc smau #charles leclerc fic

[rogersideup]

｡°✩ ♊︎ The Gemini♊︎ ✩ °｡

Chapter 6

Little Birdie

Series masterlist

Previous part: Rearview next part: Twinkles

Word Count: 7,800

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions and descriptions of sexual acts, anxiety, and sever depression.

One week.

Steve made it one whole week without you.

It was one of the longest weeks of his life.

Every day for seven days straight he needed Bucky to convince him not to text or call you. That conversation usually happened as Steve paced around his living room, while Bucky sat on his couch, threatening to get up and rip the phone out of his hands.

He couldn't even text you outside of work hours considering you blocked his number from being able to do so, but that still didn't stop the itch he felt to just see your name on his phone screen again.

Both boys were in agreement that Steve eventually should reach out and try to fix the damage that was done, because if your situation at the compound needed to get better just for the chance that you would stay, you at least needed your best friends back. But Bucky knew you deserved time and space away from all of the drama to really process it and figure out how you wanted it to end.

Bucky also knew a week of no contact with Steve would help the both of you stop fueling the fire. The harsh words would settle, reflecting back on the situation wouldn't feel as dramatic, and maybe now Steve would finally find the right words without the sight of you every day.

Plus, he would be damned if he let Steve have a conversation this serious with you over the phone.

Sure, both boys were extremely worried about you. There were a few times Bucky wanted to call and check up on you too, but he knew his own feelings shouldn't come before yours right now.

Meanwhile, the week did you wonders. You spent your days reconnecting with everything you used to love. Your favorite restaurants in the area, old friends you barely got to see now that you lived so far, the old yoga studio you attended 4 times a week, and seeing your family every day was healing in ways you didn't even know your heart could reach.

Filling the mornings and afternoons with everything you loved was important, but you knew better than to completely disregard the real issues at hand. So every night you'd go on a walk to the pretty park a few blocks from your childhood home, and meditate under the moon.

With the one airpod you had left, you'd let music shuffle and allow the lyrics to guide your thoughts. Some were a little to sad to bare, others were so on the nose you couldn't help but to listen over and over again while allowing the words to comfort you like a hug you've really been needing.

You and Steve were still friends and shared a playlist on your favorite music streaming app. Every night at the park you could see he was listening to sad music, and knew he could see you doing the same. Dramatic? Maybe. Were the sad melodies making you feel understood and less alone? Absolutely.

Eventually he got brave and while you sat under the moon and admired the stars, your headphones read the newest notification.

Steve Rogers added new song to playlist: Little Freak by Harry Styles.

You sighed, but against your better judgement you let the song play to understand what he was trying to say to you. Though the song was familiar to you, all this music was new to Steve. He loved listening to all your favorite artists and bonding over the modern music. The message was loud and clear when you heard it.

"I was thinking about who you are, your delicate point of view, I was think about you. I'm not worried about where you are or who you will go home too, I'm just thinking about you. I disrespected you, jumped in feet first and I landed too hard. Broken ankle, karma rules."

You knew deep down that you shouldn't give him the satisfaction of a response. He didn't deserve to be invading your sacred space, he knew how much music meant to you. But on the other hand, he deserved to know how much he hurt you. If he got to send you a message through song, you deserved to speak your mind too.

So you added a new song to the playlist as well. My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift.

"Even on my worst day, did I deserve babe, all the hell you gave me? Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you till my dying day. I didn't have it in myself to go with grace. You're the hero flying around saving face. If I'm dead to you why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed? Look at how my tears ricochet."

After that, your phone was silent and nothing else was added to your playlist. You could see he listened to the song, then once it was over he was no longer active on the app.

You'd usually let your mind really reflect on what happened and what you wanted going forward, but you found that Steve took up most of your thoughts, and what to do about your career always came second to him.

It seems like your Mom and Dad's advice always leaned towards joining the Avengers. But why wouldn't it? All they ever wanted for you was to find something you love and run as far as you could with it.

Jane would've preferred you leave the field completely. You knew the nature of your job left her in a permanent state of unease about your safety, but you always reassured her that you were in good hands so you'd be okay.

Nathan was a little more understanding that not everything was so black and white, so he played devils advocate for all sides, and of course Luca wanted you to join the Avengers.

Hearing all of their perspectives was helpful to see the bigger picture, but at the end of the day, only Jane and Nathan knew the extent of what happened. You kept the whole Steve and Bucky situation away from your parents for the same reason you kept it away from Luca, you didn't want to ruin the illusion of a superhero for them.

Also.... Your parents really didn't need to know the nitty gritty on your escapades with the winter soldier.

All good things came to an end, especially having your whole family under one roof. After a whole week together, Jane, Nathan, and Luca had to go home to get back to their own life, while your mom and dad left to go on a few day vacation they had planned months ago. So it left you, and the family dog, Rocket, you happily agreed to take care of in their absence.

It was actually kind've nice to have time to yourself. You filled the day with morning yoga, brunch with a friend, some journaling and therapy, and a much needed nap. As the sun went down, you threw a toy around the house to try and get Rocket's energy out but it didn't help much. So after you cooked and ate dinner, you grabbed a tennis ball and walked him a few blocks to the park.

Luckily he was allowed off leash, and there was one other dog there for a little while that took an immediate liking to him, so they ran around and tuckered each other out while you sat on the grass and watched.

Eventually his little friend left, so it left just the two of you, the tennis ball, and the twinkling stars above head.

As lame as it felt to admit, the small spotty brown dachshund filled your soul with so much joy that you couldn't wipe the smile off your face. Throwing the ball, and watching his little legs carry him so far, so fast with tiny little hops was definitely one of the cutest things you've seen in a while.

He was a brave and trusting little creature in most aspects of life, but when the rumble of an approaching motorcycle got a little too loud for his liking, Rocket came running back to your side with his tail between his legs.

Sitting by your side, you picked him up and held him close to your chest while speaking calming words to him that he definitely didn't understand. You pressed little kisses to his forehead, and he licked your cheek in return causing you to laugh.

Feeling a little annoyed that the motorcycle pulled into the parking area for the park you were occupying on your own, you stayed vigilant of your surroundings. Fully prepared to leave when the man got off the bike, you set Rocket down and started reaching for his leash before the dog started running towards the man who was now walking towards the both of you.

"Hey! Rocket, no!" You jumped up from your spot to chase after the irrationality fast weenie. Tail wagging, and happy wiggles took over his little body as he hopped up on his back two legs to greet the stranger. "I'm so sorry! He usually never does this, I don't know why he's... oh."

I'm front of you stood none other than Steve Rogers himself, looking delectable and cozy in a cute teal crewneck and some casual pants with sneakers on. You immediately had a billion and one questions, but he was very obviously taken by Rocket who was also very obviously taken by Steve. There was a serious love as first sight situation happening as Steve leaned down with a big smile on his face to say hi to the little dog.

"It's okay!" Steve giggled, squatting down to get closer to Rocket. "He soooo stinkin' cute!"

"What are you doing here?" You asked, feeling throughly confused, and immediately feeling a little defensive and protective.

When he looked up at you, your arms crossed over your chest as a form of self soothing. It had been so long since you felt this uncomfortable energy, and having it ripple through your body once more felt like reconnecting with an old friend.

"Oh, I was just in the area." Steve said sarcastically, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders.

"Right." You agreed. "Casually in the area two hours away from home... on a motorcycle?"

"An hour and 45 minutes is only an hour and 20 on a bike." Steve noted with a shy smile.

"And how did you know that this area you so happened to be in was the same place I was, even though I never told anyone where I was?" You tilted your head to the side.

"Oh, it's easy. A little birdie told me." Steve noted.

"What was the bird's name?"

"That's not important." He denied, still smiling at the dog but standing to his full height.

"I don't know, feels kind've important to me." You hated that you had to hold back a smile as you looked at him. And you hated even more that you couldn't stop thinking about how stupidly cute he looked with helmet hair and a cozy crewneck on.

"Do you want to sit and chat?" Steve asked, suddenly seeming nervous. "...if not that's fine we can talk a different time if you want."

"You came all this way just to talk?" You questioned.

Steve swallowed nervously as he nodded.

“You could've called me." You challenged.

"Sometimes I think the old fashioned way of doing things is better." He shrugged. "...Also you blocked my phone number after work hours."

You sighed and pointed to your blanket on the grass. "Sit."

He quickly nodded and obeyed your orders. He sat first, and you sat next to him, Rocket trailed behind with the tennis ball in his mouth before happily handing it to Steve.

"Who is this little guy?" Steve asked, throwing the ball for him.

"Rocket"

"Like the raccoon?"

“No, he's my parent's dog. They just thought the name suited him. But they're out of town for the next 3 days so he's mine until then." You explained.

"I heard you spent some time with your family. You look a lot happier, do you feel better?"

"So Jane was the birdie who told you where I was." You noted.

"Will not confirm nor deny."

"Mmm" you hummed, reading between the lines. "Yes, it was very nice spending time with people who love me. I do feel a lot better, but it's going to take a lot longer than a week to heal from everything that happened."

"Of course it will, but all that matters is that it's getting a little better everyday." Steve noted. "I don't know if this helps, but I think I put the fear of the devil into Harvey and all his friends. Should you choose to come back, I don't think they would be an issue for you anymore."

"Do I even want to know what you did to them?" You asked.

"I don't think the details really matter too much right now." Steve shrugged once more.

A very uncomfortable silence fell over the two of you, so you threw the ball for Rocket this time.

"Would you like to talk about the hard stuff?" Steve raised.

"Can't we just talk about the weather?" You complained, dreading the inevitable.

"It's pretty chilly out tonight." Steve noted. "You're not cold?"

"Nope." You exaggerated the P at the end of the word.

"Good chat." Steve giggled at the astronomical amount of discomfort and awkwardness you were exuding. "This is never going to get better if we don't talk about it."

"I haven't cried in a few days." You told him. "I'm dreading losing my streak."

"Crying is healthy, and so is expressing emotions." Steve told you. "For example, I really missed you and I've been worried about you for a while now, so I'm here to express that."

"Oh, so you weren't just in the area?" You questioned.

"I took my motorcycle to get to you as fast as I could, because I waited a whole week and every single day that passed by without me giving you a much needed apology was killing me slowly with an amount of guilt I didn't even know was possible for a human being to feel. So no, I was absolutely nowhere near the area."

"Was that the apology?"

"No." Steve denied. "I'm really sorry for everything that's happened. I feel like every interaction I've had with you this past month has been a really bad reflection of my character. I should've went about the whole situation with a lot more logic and understanding, and I should've just listened to you and Bucky before letting anger get the best of me. It wasn't fair to you."

Your eyes stayed fixed on Rocket as he hopped around the grass, he watched you slowly nod while processing his words. "I never meant to hurt your feelings, and if I knew back then what I knew now, Bucky and I would've never..."

"I know." Steve saved you from having to finish that statement. "And our last training was just... completely unacceptable. I wish there was a logical explanation as to why I was so upset that day. Quite honestly, every time I even start to think about it I feel just horribly embarrassed and completely mortified. I'm sorry for not listening to you and telling you that I didn't care. I'm sorry for scaring you and completely breaking your trust. Most importantly I'm really fucking sorry for hurting you. I should've listened better and walked you to medical the second you said something, and the fact that I only made it worse has kept me awake every night since it happened."

"Bucky said you were having a tough few days." You noted.

"It doesn't matter." Steve declined. "I need to do better than that, and I will. You were having some really hard days too, but you never used it as a reason to treat me like shit."

“I was pretty shitty to you."

"But within reason."

"I told you to ignore my existence, called you some not so nice names, yelled at you a few times..."

"Because I pushed you to that level of anger."

"The fact of the matter is that you felt that way because you felt disregarded and disrespected by Bucky and I, and for that, I'm sorry too." You apologized. "I know you weren't interested in hearing me out before when this all happened, and at the time none of the words really came out right. So if you're open to it, I feel like I'd really like a chance to explain the choices I made."

"Of course." Steve practically whispered with a subtle nod, throwing the ball once more for the dog. "But don't feel obligated to. I don't think I would've come all this way if I hadn't already forgiven you."

"This is never going to get better if we don't talk about it." You used his own words against him.

"Ah, so you do think we could make it better?" Steve asked.

"Why wouldn't I want it to get better?"

Steve sighed. "You made it pretty clear in a few different ways that you didn't want me as a friend or even around you at all anymore. A big part of me was expecting you to turn me away for good when I showed up here."

"Oh... sorry." You mumbled sadly, suddenly feeling bad about all the words you shouted at him out of pure, hot red anger.

"S'okay."

"Growing up, I was never really the center of attention for anything. I was never good at anything, I got straight B's in school, I had 2 friends at most. Even as I got older and went through high school I wasn't paid much attention to. I never had a boyfriend, I struggled a lot to make friends, once I even went to my teacher to ask him a question 4 months into senior year and he thought I was a new student even though I had been sitting in the second row of his class every single day."

"...yikes." Steve cringed.

"Yikes is right." You agreed. "I never thought I would exceed at anything at all in life. My big plans were finding a 5-9 desk job to make ends meet then just keep going until I didn't have to anymore. Then I discovered the joy of helping people, realized maybe I'm not all that bad at it, and before I knew it I was at Shield. Then all of the sudden I went from never getting much attention my entire life, to having all eyes on me at all times. I was being held to impossibly high standards, the boys wouldn't leave me alone, it felt like regardless of where I was in the building, there was this big huge spotlight on me."

Rocket had finally gotten too tired to play with his ball, so he came back to you and Steve, and laid down right next to Steve's leg. "Even I was hearing about you before you had made it to high enough ranks to work with me."

"Getting no male attention your whole life will kind've mess you up a bit, but going from no male attention to getting thrown into the compound where only a handful of other women work will mess you up a lot."

"Like throwing a zebra into a pack of lions."

"Even that feels like an understatement." You grinned. "Harvey was the first guy I met that didn't feel like he was going to eat me alive, so I stuck with him."

"He was your first boyfriend?" Steve asked, sounding genuinely appalled.

"He was my first everything." You admitted shyly. "I thought he was one of the good ones, like that one boy you waited your whole life for. But obviously I was stupid, and that turned out to be one of the bigger mistakes of my life."

"He's the stupid one, not you." Steve denied.

"When I met you and Bucky, it was a big breath of fresh air. You guys helped me realize that Harvey was bad for me, but at that point I was already convinced he would be the only guy who would ever be stupid enough to fall in love with me. So I stayed way longer than I should've, but in the meantime I felt like I had opened up to you and Bucky far more than I ever had to Harvey. We started training together and talking more, and at that point I felt like I had given you so much more of myself than I had ever given anyone else in my life. Which I know sounds odd, but we were having these really good conversations that made me feel really vulnerable but in a good way, and we had built so much trust and understanding of each other that I never had to question what your intentions were when you were around."

Asshole. Asshole. Asshole. That was the only word Steve could think of at the moment. How he felt, how he treated you, how he made you feel, he was an asshole.

"I'll spare you details, but after Harvey and I officially called it quits obviously I was really fucking sad. I wanted to see you, but you were away on a mission and I just needed to be with a friend so I went to Bucky's place instead. I had all of this new found freedom, paired with this gut wrenching feeling that I was going to be alone and unloved for the rest of my life, and a good friend in front of my face who was just so kind and gentle...things just happened. I wasn't the one to initiate, but I definitely didn't put a stop to it because for once it was really nice to feel wanted. We didn't even kiss or see each other naked, it felt like less of a big deal to me and far less vulnerable or intimate than most of the stunts and challenges I let you guide me through in training. Bucky and I weren't trying to be malicious and we had no bad intentions in our choice to not tell you, I was just afraid that you wouldn't understand and that you'd take it the wrong way. Which, with all due respect, you didn't understand and by the time I even got a chance to try to explain it to you, we were both so angry and defensive that none of the words would come out right."

Working up the courage to look at Steve to gauge any sort of emotional reaction from him, his face was full of remorse as his eyes stayed set on the dog as his hands gently pet his long body and scratched the top of his head.

You took the chance to take a deep breath and let your palm sink into the fluffy park grass, one last ditch effort to ground yourself before the getting into the hardest part of the conversation. "That fear of misunderstanding and miscommunication is exactly why you didn't tell me or Bucky or anyone for that matter that you liked me. And just like how the information about what Bucky and I did got to you in the wrong way at the wrong time, that information got to me in the very wrong way at the very wrong time. And just like you, I didn't understand, and I felt hurt and betrayed because of it."

You watched Steve's cheeks turn red before he hid his face in his hands and let out a groan, earning a little smile from you that he couldn't even see. "Can we just talk about the weather again?"

"Sure thing." You agreed. "I think I lied to you on accident, because now I am kind've cold."

"Wow I'll never forgive you." He joked dryly, mumbling into the palms of his hands.

"That's okay, we can add it to the list of dumb shit we gotta talk through." You giggled. "Well, seems like that covers the weather category again. Are you ready to come out of hiding?"

He peeked one eye out between his fingers. "No. I kind've wish the floor would swallow me whole right now."

"Wow, I didn't think that you had a weak spot, but I found it." You enthused.

Although it was at much too high a cost, seeing a genuine smile on your face for the first time in over a month was like a big breath of fresh air to Steve.

"I'm not covering my ears, I can still hear you perfectly fine. Please continue." He grumbled.

"Just to put you out of your misery and conclude that horrifically long sob story I just subjected you to..." You started. "I was only hurt in that moment because after fooling around with Bucky and getting the information that you liked me sprung on me, it felt like I had lost the only two people in the compound who didn't see me as or treat me like an object of some weird sexual fantasy. Part of me even felt mad and embarrassed at myself for believing that we could've been friends without you guys seeing me that way. Plus, I had all those people in the compound already saying the only reason I was getting so far in my career was because I was sleeping with you, and I so desperately didn't want them to be right. So, all of that being said, I'm sorry too, I should've never been so mean to you. I'm sorry that Bucky and I hurt you, I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions and not letting you explain yourself while accusing you of things you'd never do."

"Like I said earlier, I already forgave you." Steve slowly let his hands fall from his face, cheeks still stained a pretty pink color.

"That doesn't mean you don't deserve an apology." You reminded him. "We both hurt each other, it's not fair for you to take all the blame."

"I feel like I'm going to throw up" Steve took a deep breath.

"Don't do that" you shook your head. "Please don't throw up."

"I hope you know that our friendship has always meant a lot to me, and absolutely none of it was a scheme to sleep with you." Steve braved through the hard part of the conversation he absolutely wished he never had to think about again.

"Yeah, I do now." You reassured him. "I'm sorry I said that."

"I really just didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable." Steve explained. "Especially in an environment where you were already getting eaten alive. Plus I was your boss, and you had Harvey, and I didn't want to ruin our friendship... and, yeah, I dunno. It was just a mess. I didn't tell Bucky because I didn't want him to tell me to tell you. He figured it out on his own, by the way. Apparently my eyes twinkle too much, whatever that means."

"I'm not uncomfortable, and yeah, you do have really twinkly eyes." You grinned.

"I guess that's your fault" Steve jokingly sassed.

"Oh so now we're pointing fingers?" You took fake offense.

"From this point on, I'd really like it if everyone could just ignore the twinkle in my eyes so we can all get back to being friends like we were before." Steve said, giving you a really easy escape to officially denying him.

"But I think the twinkles are so pretty!" You enthused, giggling when you could practically see his heart drop.

"You shouldn't be saying things like that when you know I already feel like throwing up." Steve shook his head and clutched his stomach.

"But I mean it." You confirmed. "Knowing what I know now, why would we ever go back to being how we were before?"

Steve swallowed thickly, then his hands started exaggerated movements to further get his point across. "I'm trying to give you an easy way out of telling me you don't want me back in the same way."

"I understand, but that wouldn't be true." You giggled. "I do remember you stating very clearly that you aren't my boss anymore, am I remembering that correctly?"

"No, technically I'm not you b-" He rambled quietly.

"Do we think this would do anything to harm our sweet little Bucky boy?"

"No. He's been going out with Natasha and has been trying to get me to ask y-"

"You we're so kind as to cut me some deals, so I've got one for you too. Let's take some time to let everything settle and heal over, then when the time is right, we'll explore more of that little twinkle, alright?"

"Okay." Steve nodded wide eyed and enthusiastic.

"Yeah? Are you going to throw up?" You questioned with a smile.

"Maybe only a little bit." He continued nodding.

"I guess that's better than a lot-a-bit" you justified.

"So we're okay?" Steve asked, twinkly eyed and puppy dogged face.

"We're okay." You confirmed. "Can I give you a hug? You look like you really need it."

Steve opened his arms for you, and you both had to awkwardly lean over Rocket who was instantly stayed tucked next to his leg. Embracing him tightly, you realized just how badly you needed it too.

Both unwilling to let go for a little while, you took the time to appreciate his body heat that was a stark difference between the cold air outside.

"I'm sorry." Steve quietly apologized again.

"It's okay. I'm sorry too." You accepted. "I really missed you, Stevie."

"I missed you too, Bug. I've been so worried about you lately." One of his hands was very sweetly rubbing your back.

"Sorry." You sighed. "I've been trying my best."

"I know. That doesn't make me worry any less."

"I love you." You reminded him for the first time in a while.

Steve relaxed and let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding onto. "I love you more."

Although you could've hugged him forever, the two of you mutually unwrapped yourself from each other.

"How is your shoulder?" He questioned remorsefully.

"Oh, it's fine." You told him. "It feels so much better. I've been doing yoga all week and it's held up nicely."

"Good, that's good." He nodded. "And have you put any thought into what you're going to do about your job?"

"Everyone seems to want me to do something different." You sighed. "I've been coming here almost every night just to think about it. It's really nice that the sprinklers don't turn on at 10 pm."

“What do you want to do?"

"I think I know what I want, but I'm really scared of making the jump." You explained.

"I'm not here to talk you in or out of anything, I was just curious." Steve grinned. "You still have the rest of the week to think it through. But just know that I have no doubt in your ability to handle a big scary jump"

"I can usually only handle big scary jumps because most of the time, you're down at the bottom waiting to catch me." You admitted.

"Well regardless of what you choose, I'll still always be here for you." Steve reminded you sweetly. "I just hope you do what you think is best for you, and not what other people want you to do."

“That's the thing, I don't think I know what's good for me."

"Are you kidding me? You have great intuition." Steve said. "Your just need to gain back trust for that little voice in your head that's telling you what to do."

"The same voice that bullies me every day?!" You asked with a giggle. "Absolutely not, she gets no say in any of my choices nowadays."

Steve close lipped smiled at you, his dimples setting deep into his chiseled cheeks. "Then forget you even have a brain and listen to your heart."

"She's also been really problematic recently." You noted. "I don't like her very much right now."

His smile turned into a pout. "That sounds like a very tough thing to not like about yourself."

"Tell me about it." You agreed. "But we're working on it."

"Once again, I guess that's all that matters." Steve noted. "So you can't make a big decision with your heart or your head, and your shoulder is out of the question. We're running low on body parts."

"Maybe I'll let Rocket make the choice for me." You grinned at the sleepy dog.

"I think Rocket should be an Avenger... actually, I think Rocket should come home with me and be my dog instead." Steve smiled, petting the dog once more.

"My parents would hunt you down for sport if you ever took this dog." You giggled. "He's their favorite child."

"But I love him!" Steve pouted like a child. "He's just so fucking cute! Have you seen these ears?!"

"No pets allowed at the compound" You reminded him, nudging his arm. "Maybe that's all the more reason to quit."

“I think that's reason to break the rules, not to quit." Steve corrected.

"Captain America suggesting I break the rules?!" You questioned with a gasp.

"Am I not the same man who's whole career was founded off of breaking the law?" Steve questioned right back. "When have I ever followed the rules?"

"Wow, bad to the bone."

"That sounded sarcastic." He noted as his eyebrow raised in question.

"Me? Sarcastic? Never." You denied.

Rocket readjusted to get more comfortable, but crawled into the hole within Steve's crossed legs and curled up into a little ball in his lap, with his head resting on his thigh.

"Okay that's it." Steve declared, fists balling up to keep himself from unleashing his cuteness aggression on the creature in the form of hugging him so tight his eyes popped out of his head like a stress ball. "I can't take this anymore. How bad would your parents beat me up if I stole this dog? Because really, I think I could take the beating."

"I simply cannot express to you how much taking this dog away from my parents is not an option." You laughed at his question. "I think my Mom would run you over with her car."

"No way she would do that." Steve shook his head. "She was so nice when I met her!"

"She would not be nice if you stole her weenie." You pointed out.

"Come on, she gave me a hug. No mom that's giving out free hugs could ever hit me with a car."

"That's where you're wrong. Because any woman that has so much love for her kids would do anything to seek rightful justice if you did anything to fuck with them." You corrected him. "Even if she's five foot nothing, and you're Captain America. Don't mess with her baby."

“Oh no" Steve's eyes went wide.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh shit." He panicked. "Do your parents hate me?"

"No? Why would they hate you?" You questioned with a nervous laugh.

"Because I accidentally fucked with your Mom's baby and now she's going to do anything to seek rightful justice." Steve clutched the fabric of his sweater right over his chest. "The throw up is coming back."

"I didn't tell them anything about you or Bucky, other than that you didn't let me quit right in the spot." You explained. "They love you and all of the Avengers too much for me to ever ruin their perception of the people who make them feel safe."

"So why do they think you're here?" Steve asked.

"I only told them about Harvey and the general issues I'm having with all of the other agents."

"Your sister knows." He said. "She made a weird comment..."

"She always makes weird comments, that's just what makes Jane, Jane." You smiled. "Yes, she knows, but she likes you a lot. I think she even took your side, she's been advocating for you the whole time."

"She's going to tell your mom, and your mom is going to hunt me for sport."

"No she won't, and even if she does find out about it, she's a very rational person. As long as we're fine, she's fine." You explained. "Look I'll prove it to you, say cheese!"

Quickly taking your phone out of your pocket and pointing the camera at Steve and Rocket, he smiled and you snapped a picture. He watched you type away for a few moments.

You sent the picture in a group chat with your mom and dad, then immediately got a response.

"See! Look! I said, look who came by to hang out with your favorite child." You giggled at your screen, turning it towards him so show that you sent them the picture. "My mom responded and said omg, Dad is honored. We don't know who is cuter, Rocket or Captain Rogers."

"Okay now ask if I can steal the dog." His cheeks turned an even brighter shade of pink.

"I thought the point was to make sure my mom liked you" You laughed, locking your phone and putting it on the grass besides you. "Trust that I'm doing you a favor."

"Fine, but I'm not happy about it." He joked.

"I didn't know you felt so passionately about wieners, Steven." You giggled.

"What can I say? There's nothing better than kicking back and playing with a wiener." He ran with your joke.

"A nice, long wiener."

"This is ridiculous" Steve's face scrunched up, earning more of your adorable laughter.

Like no time had passed, you and Steve sat and chatted away for a few hours. You could tell the comfortable conversation was helping him resolve his own internal guilt, so you were happy to stay and chat for as long as he needed. But selfishly, you missed him more than you ever wanted to admit to yourself.

His adorable smile and pretty pink cheeks lit up a part of your heart that you had felt so disconnected from for so long now. And as the night grew colder, and significantly later, he couldn't just ignore the occasional chills that would make you momentarily shiver. You kept ignoring them and playing them off just to spend more time with your sweet friend, but eventually you ended up tucked underneath his arm and snuggled up to his side for warmth while Rocket stayed glued to his lap.

There was little you could do to ignore how comfortable and familiar it felt to be sharing warmth with the soldier. By all means, both Steve and Bucky were touchy people on a normal day to day basis, plus all of the training you did with Steve made you very comfortable with his skin on yours.

But this was different. His head that nestled on top of yours that rested on his shoulder, his big hand on the top of you arm keeping you close and snug against him, paired the gentle and quiet volume in his voice wasn't just friendly.

His hold was apologetic, and almost regretful. It was reconnecting, and mending. You could feel all of his unspoken words seeping out from his warm body to into your cold one, and you wondered if he could feel the same thing happening to him through your timid hand resting between his shoulder blades.

Just based on his calm breaths, but still racing pulse that you could feel on his neck, you knew it was different for him too.

But it was a good different, a hopeful and very exciting different.

Much like your shivers that you ignored and played off, Steve was trying to mask his yawns. Unfortunately, this was something that you couldn't ignore. Especially when you pressed the button on your phone and the screen informed you that it was already 11:52pm.

"As sad as I am to have to put an end to this, it's already almost midnight and your crazy ass drove an hour and a half here on a motorcycle." You reminded him.

"I just got you back, I don't want to leave you again." He pouted.

"I don't want you to leave either, but I'd prefer if you got home safely." Your timid hand now gently rubbing short stripes on his back. "Or you can stay the night with me here if you'd like."

A sleepy grin overtook the sat pout. "Thank you, but once again I don't want your parents to hate me. Plus I have my stupid annual physical in the morning."

"My parents wouldn't hate you, they'd rather you be safe than drive home tired."

"I'm not that tired, I'll be okay." He reassured you. "And you can't come back to the compound?"

"No, I have to watch Rocket." You reminded him. "But I'll see you in a few days at least. I'll be back before the end of the week."

"Oh, you'll be back?" He raised an eyebrow, challenging your statement.

"To give my official resignation at the very least, or to move all of my stuff into the Avengers sector at the very most. Who's to say what's going to happen?" You giggled.

"Well, when you need help moving let me know. I know a couple guys that can lift a few thousand pounds at a time, it helps the process go by really fast." Steve egged you on.

"Uh huh, I'll keep that in mind." You rolled your eyes with a smile, and wrapped your other arm around his front to squeeze him in a sideways hug. "Thanks for coming all the way here. It was really nice getting to have a conversation with you, I really missed spending time together."

"Of course. Thank you for even giving me the chance to explain myself. If I were you, I don't know of I would be able to be that gracious." He squeezed your shoulder in appreciation.

"There isn't much I wouldn't do for you." You grinned.

"Oh yeah? What wouldn't you do?" Steve questioned with a chuckle.

"I won't let you steal my moms dog." You stated. "Which reminds me, I'm going to need that back."

"Okay, I guess you can have him back. " Steve smiled and picked up the little fur-ball from his lap and placed him on yours instead. "Thanks for letting me play with your wiener."

"Feel free to come back and play with my wiener anytime." You laughed at his joke, unwrapping yourself from him as he started standing up.

"What an incredible offer, thank you" Steve smiled, now standing over you and offering you his hand to help you up.

"Like I said, anytime." You playfully winked.

Quickly putting on Rockets leash, you set the dog on the grass and accepted Steve's hand. He pulled you up effortlessly and bent over to grab your blanket from the grass.

"How far away is your parents house?"  Steve questioned, subconsciously folding the blanket.

"About two blocks" You shrugged.

"Can I walk you guys home?" He asked, eyes twinkling once more as he shoved his hands in his front pockets to keep them warm.

"Absolutely not" You denied.

He was immediately pretending to be offended with a big gasp and hand whipped out of his pocket and over his heart. "Ma'am, it is pitch black out here and it's already midnight."

You laughed at his response. "Sir, it's pitch black and midnight. Your motorcycle is right there. I'm not letting you walk me two blocks in a neighborhood I'm familiar with because that means you'll have to walk another two blocks back here all by yourself somewhere you've never been. Logistically it makes no sense."

Steve puffed and furrowed his eyebrows. "What if some creepy dude comes and tries to mess with you? Huh? Then what?"

"Then I use all my big and scary self defense moves that Captain America taught me." You answered. "Also, do you not see this big scary guard dog? Nobody is going to fuck with me."

His pout deepened. "What if you start walking home and some dude on a motorcycle follows you all the way home?"

"Is that what's going to happen?" You giggled at his question.

"If you keep saying you're not going to let me walk you home then maybe it will." Steve shrugged.

"I've been walking by myself this late every single night for a week now." You told him. "It's always been fine, it'll be fine again."

"Now you're just trying to give me a heart attack." Steve deadpanned, earning your laugh once again.

"So I'm a good enough fighter to be an Avenger, but not good enough to walk to my parents house by myself?" You asked.

"Yes, exactly!" Steve enthused. "So glad we could have this conversation to clear that up, come one let's get you home."

His arm linked around yours and he started walking. "I think you're absolutely out of your mind, but I appreciate you nonetheless."

Looking up at his face just in time, you caught his smile. "The second half of that statement is really the only part that matters to me."

Your steps synched up with his, and Rocket walked ahead of the two of you. "Hey, Stevie?"

"Hmm?"

"If you actually want to get me home, we should be walking in the complete opposite direction" You grinned.

Steve stopped and laughed. "Okay, you lead the way."

You did eventually make it home, and only when you stood on the door step did Steve let your arms disconnect.

"Look we made it here and nobody died!" You enthused. "Do you remember how to get back?"

"Of course I do" Steve giggled at your question. "It wasn't even two full blocks."

"Just making sure" you raised your hands in defense. "Are you sure you don't want to stay?"

"I would if I could." His thankful grin showed off the shallow dimples in his cheeks. "See you soon?"

"In a few days" you nodded in confirmation.

He stuck his arms out for one last hug, and you accepted happily. After he let go of you, he bent down to say bye to Rocket.

"Drive save! Text me when you get home." You told him.

Steve's face scrunched up for a second, causing you to look at him in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

"You blocked my phone number" He reminded you with a loud whisper.

"I'll unblock it, but text me when you get home" You giggled.

"Okay great!" Steve smiled big and did a little happy dance. "Goodnight!"

"Goodnight, love you!"

"Love you more!" He waved as he walked down the driveway.

Next Part: Twinkles

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[your-eternal-lies]

_  LOVE IS A CHOICE (chapter three)

Main Navigation || Please follow @your-eternal-library for all my fanfiction updates.

PAIRING — Bucky Barnes x Agent f!Reader SERIES SUMMARY — In your experience, relationships only bring drama and heartbreak, and you want absolutely none of it. That is, until an act of sheer recklessness brings Bucky Barnes back into your life.

WARNINGS — Angst, blood and injury, Hydra are assholes, torture, grief, nightmares, ptsd, everyone is just so darn sad. I won’t lie to you, my darlings, this chapter is rough.

LOVE IS A CHOICE

CHAPTER THREE

He always heard the screaming as if it wasn’t his own. 

This time, it really wasn’t. 

Hidden in the shadows, the Asset fights the urge to look away as his cruelest handler bends over the screaming woman, dragging the tip of a blade over her skin as if trying to carve the secrets directly out of her flesh. 

The wounds from her last torture session haven’t even fully healed yet before they are torn open once again, fresh blood spilling onto the frozen concrete floor of her dungeon cell. 

But the woman insists she knows nothing. She sobs it over and over, promising that she knows nothing of Natasha Romanoff’s defection. 

The Asset stands motionless, unyielding and unflinching, blue eyes as cold as the ice. In all his years here, he has learned to spot when others are lying. 

And this one is lying through her teeth. 

He can’t understand why. 

Self-preservation is the main language he’s learned to speak. Born out of pain, created by now faceless scientists who shock his veins and ice his blood, he is merely a tool at their disposal. 

Leave no survivors. That’s the only rule he must abide by when he’s completing a mission. Women and children aren’t exempt from harm, regardless of how much he desperately wants to spare them. 

But the Asset knows now. At the very least, he can guarantee their deaths are quick and painless. He is never granted the same mercy. It’s either them or him, and he doesn’t have the luxury to feel sorry that he picks himself every single time. 

Granted, his handlers would probably kill her once they were done, but at least the agony would stop. He would personally give anything for it to stop. But, he can’t help but wonder… what could possibly be worth suffering through all that pain? 

Despite himself, he is bombarded by images he can’t recognize. A boy with hair brighter than sunshine and eyes that could mirror his own, a suit of stars and stripes, the echo of a scream over the sounds of a running train. 

“Soldat,” his handler’s gravelly voice pulls him back into reality. The Asset does not respond from behind his mask; he never does. “I’m taking a break. Keep an eye on the girl.” 

Taking a break, he says. As if he hasn’t spent the last few days torturing a girl half his size, sheathing a still blood-covered blade in its usual spot in his belt. The Asset hides his disgust behind a veil of indifference, eyes seeing but unfeeling. 

But as the days wore on, as the events of the previous ones kept repeating over and over, as the woman kept insisting she knew absolutely nothing, making it clear she was ready to die to keep whatever secrets she held close, something truly terrifying happens. 

Whenever they left him alone with her, he would emerge from the shadows, something deep in his soul reacting to her sorrow. His eyes asked her questions his mouth never would, and she would lie there against that concrete slab, exhausted but unable to sleep, and tell him to survive. 

“You must live,” she would insist, and he would find that over the course of their limited exchanges, his palm would somehow find its way against hers. “You’re not who they say you are.” 

That was all it took. One small sliver of warmth and, in the previously hollow expanse of his chest, a heart he didn’t know still existed stuttered back to life. 

And when the time came for her pain to resume, he found he did not want to move from his spot at her side. He wanted to kill every last one of them, anyone who laid even a finger on her, but she would remove her hand from his and silently beckon him to comply. 

Ah, he thought as he did as she wished, forcing himself to listen to every last whimper and shriek, this was his punishment, wasn’t it?

He told himself then that he wouldn’t forget, no matter how much they tried to make him. He would remember her face, her voice, and the feel of her skin against his—even the metallic scent of her blood. 

He would remember The Woman, he promised. 

He would allow Natasha Romanoff, when she finally returned to Moscow with a wrath hot enough to scorch the frozen earth beneath her, to kill his handler with a swift flick of her blade. He would hide in the shadows once more, allowing her to pick The Woman up and carry her away. 

“No!” She had begged, reaching out for him in vain, too weak to properly protest. In that moment, he wished he knew her name, wished he could caress her cheek with his one good hand, and commit the feeling to memory. 

But then a swarm of footsteps brought more agents, more handlers, more carnage into the fray. Only when Romanoff was a good distance away did he step between the women and his very own captors. 

The Woman still screams in the distance, with a new kind of pain that carves deep in his bones, her voice echoing off the concrete walls, the both of them understanding the gravity of the decision he’d just made. 

It takes nearly a dozen guards to subdue him, after he’s already spilled the blood of another ten. They strap him down back into that blasted chair, the one that used to scare him, the one he went to impossible and devastating lengths to avoid. 

This time, he allows them to push him into it. He accepts his fate, closing his eyes against the impending agony, wondering if The Woman is finally safe. Pain-free. 

Or rather, just plain free. 

And here he used to wonder, what could possibly be worth suffering through all that pain? It had been such a mystery mere weeks ago, now made incredibly simple. 

The Asset is momentarily soothed when he thinks of The Woman’s face, but as the machine is turned on and unspeakable agony is torn from his throat, they make him do the one thing he said he wouldn’t. 

They make him break his promise.

Because he forgets. 

Steve feels like he owes you. 

“You’re good, I’ll give you that much.” He remembers saying the day you met, only months after he came out of the ice, outside his small gym of choice tucked away in a quiet corner of Brooklyn, carrying that punching bag over his shoulder like it was a weightless sack of potatoes. “I’ve barely managed to shake you all day.” 

You looked up at him then, out the driver’s seat window of your dark sedan, sipping loudly at a pink smoothie and squinting casually against the golden light of the setting sun behind him. Completely unfazed at having been made, you weren’t even slightly intimidated by his looming stature and, quite frankly, his even larger reputation. 

Nor were you particularly disturbed by the fact that you’d probably been watching him throw punches all day, as if all that equipment had personally offended him somehow. 

You didn’t even bother tucking away your SHIELD-issued tablet, which you had obviously been using to keep tabs on him. He knew now how easy it must have been for you to hack into the city’s CCTV cameras, let alone the gym’s—all mere child’s play for a spy. 

The sun was setting on Agent 19’s first day on Captain America Babysitting Duty, and this was the most you’d seen of each other since sunrise that morning. 

“Well, Captain,” you said, shrugging and tossing the tablet onto the passenger seat beside you. “This isn’t my first rodeo.” 

There was also an open file lying across the seat, complete with blown-up photos of him, pre- and post-serum, along with a full profile and background check. 

“But I didn’t know you resorted to thieving these days,” you gestured at the punching bag on his shoulder. “I do hope you cleaned up after yourself, by the way.” 

Steve almost smiled then, recalling the way the punching bag he’d ruined earlier leaked sand all over the floors. He, in fact, hadn’t cleaned up, too much in a hurry to leave your boss behind to bother. 

“Like I just told Fury, I don’t need a handler,” he said evenly to keep from grinning. You scoffed then, rolling your eyes so hard he thought they might fall right out of your head. 

“No offence, Cap, but do you think I wanted this job? One day in and you’re already a pain in my ass,” you pick up his file, flapping it in the air with frustration, sending papers scattering all over the interior of your car. “Does this sound like a good use of my time to you, when I could be out there kicking the absolute shit out of some bad guys right now?” 

“You sound a little resentful, Agent,” Steve deadpanned, turning around to start the short walk back to his apartment before you could reply. He ignored you the rest of the trip, even though you followed closely behind him at a snail’s pace, shouting a string of profanities at him, pissing off every other driver on the road. 

Steve lets a brief smile loose at the memory. Neither of you could have known that the relationship you’d come to share—him with his reluctant handler, and you with your equally unwilling charge—would blossom into a friendship unlike any other he’d ever had. 

You didn’t appreciate it at first whenever he tagged along on your missions, insisting you didn’t need micromanaging. But over time, you grew accustomed to his quiet presence, admitting at one point that things just didn’t feel right if he wasn’t there watching your six. 

He grew fond of your obscure pop culture references that always went over his head, began keeping an eye on you instead of the other way around, given your uncanny knack for getting mixed up into trouble even when you weren’t looking for it. 

And he doesn’t even know your name. Not your real one, anyway, but it just didn’t matter. No matter what your real name was, where you really came from, Steve, despite his reservations, grew to love you in a way he wasn’t prepared for. 

He’d been an only child, watching on with envy whenever he saw Bucky together with little Rebecca. His best friend’s little sister chased after her brother like he hung the moon, reaching out her tiny hands and only letting out her signature squeal of laughter whenever Bucky reached back. 

That kind of love was special. Steve never thought he’d experience anything close to it, but whenever he looks at you, he knew that was what you were—a sister given to him by circumstances, but the one he always knew he wanted. 

But when the other shoe dropped, because it always did, the day you both discovered that SHIELD had been compromised, that your lives’ work had been almost for nothing, trust and love was shattered with a single question. 

Who are you really, Agent 19? 

It never occurred to him to ask before then, but it made some semblance of sense in his angst-filled state. Why else had Alexander Pierce been so insistent, relentless almost, that Steve be assigned a handler in the first place? 

But no matter how justified his suspicions might have been, no matter how far he felt his heart sink when he learned that the traitor was, in fact, your longtime partner and not you yourself, the choice had already been made. 

Whatever light that had remained in your eyes went out that day, and Steve couldn’t seem to bring it back, no matter how many times he tried to restore the friendship to what it was. He carried the broken shards of what remained in his hands, spirits falling each time you silently rebuffed him with that forlorn look in your eyes. 

The good humour and affection between you dissipated like smoke, and now whenever you spoke the words were always terse, charged, and angry. Steve knew how much he fucked up, because it was clear from the moment his question left his lips that you hadn’t known the answer, either. 

And now you’re teetering over the edge of life and death, and once again, Steve isn’t there. Natasha steps up behind him and places a hand on his shoulder, prompting him to ease his knuckle-white grip on the quinjet’s yoke, her own distress evident in her normally stoic features. 

His leather gloves are still splattered with blood. The rest of the team didn’t protest, or didn’t dare protest, as he instructed Clint to pilot the jet back towards the Hydra base he had singlehandedly sent you to. With military-like efficiency, Steve took down that base and every last agent that stood in his way—unforgiving and vengeful—despite Sam’s attempts at calming him. 

But it is what they found on those computers that haunt him, that haunt them all. Natasha stares straight ahead, but the way her eyes shine in the moonlight belies her grief. 

Wanda sits in one of the seats behind him, chin wobbling as she closes her eyes against a fresh wave of tears, remembering the sounds of your horrible screams, captured on video and morbidly saved in Hydra’s digital archives for years. 

Sam and Clint hunch over in their own seats in an uncomfortable yet pensive silence. Tony taps an impatient foot against the floor, brows knitted together in concentration. The entire team struggles to grapple with a startling and devastating conclusion. 

This whole time, you and Bucky were tied together, but you were the only one who was burdened to remember. 

Steve swallows the lump of emotion that forms in his throat, suddenly feeling the urge to just bawl into his hands. 

In hindsight, it all makes sense. The thinly veiled shock when Steve brought Bucky back to the Compound. The way you used to look at him, as if you were both unspeakably angry and horribly miserable. The way you reacted to his reassignment. The distance you were determined to maintain between you.

The decision to ask Helen Cho to use the Regeneration Cradle to eliminate those scars. You used to wear them like a badge of honour, a sign of your undying loyalty to your best friend. But the second Bucky had come around, you wanted them gone.

All of it made sense now.

Natasha finally breaks down, as if coming to the same realizations, turning away to storm off to the back of the jet where she clearly hoped nobody would pay attention to her muffled sobs. 

Steve bites down on the inside of his cheek, wondering how much Hydra was going to take before they were satisfied. Better question, how much more was Steve willing to let them take? The answer was none. No more. Not on his watch. 

And if he couldn’t convince you using his words that he trusted you, that he regretted ever doubting you in the first place, then he’d show you in a different way.

He’d entrust you with a new mission so important that you wouldn’t possibly be able to draw any other conclusion. He would give you Bucky, his best friend, who may as well have been his very heart personified, and leave him in your very capable hands. 

Steve lets out a humourless laugh. He didn’t have to give you anything; turns out, Bucky had been yours for a long time now.

But at the very least, he would see to it that you remembered one very important detail: that despite your unknown origins, your past with the KGB, despite Aiden Galloway, despite Hydra, despite all of it—you are loved, important, and irreplaceable. 

All you had to do was stay alive. 

Agent Galloway has one hand pressed to a wound just below his ribcage, warm blood seeping out from between his fingers. He’s got even more injuries, each just as devastating as the next, but he doesn’t have enough hands for them all. 

You watch as the floor beneath him is stained with a slowly growing pool of crimson, but you make no move to help him. 

You’re the one who shot him, after all. 

Your ears are ringing from the ongoing sounds of gunfire and explosions, the walls of the Triskelion coming down around you in dust and cinders. You slump against a nearby wall that’s miraculously still intact, your right hand still loosely clutching your firearm. You’re not seriously wounded, but you’re exhausted all the same. 

“Come in, Agent! Come in!” Natasha’s voice crackles over your earpiece, desperate and angry, maybe even a little scared. The Black Widow you fight alongside with in the field never shows any fear, any hesitation, but today she’s not an agent—neither are you. 

She is just Natasha Romanoff today, your scaredy cat big sister who hides behind an armour of indifference and stoicism. But you know better; she’s got the biggest heart of all.

“Hill! Do you have eyes on 19?” She yells over the sounds of a whirring helicopter, but you can still hear the panic in her voice. 

“Negative!” Maria Hill responds over the distant roar of another explosion, and even she sounds a little frantic. Aw. Is that sentiment you hear in the spy’s voice? “Agent 19, can you hear me?” 

You want to respond, make a snarky little comment about how they’re both going soft, but something prevents your voice from working. Emotion lodges itself in your throat as you slide to the floor, burning behind your eyes as you squeeze them shut against the pain, stemming from your physical wounds and countless others that can’t be seen. 

You won’t die here, not at the hands of Hydra, the damn parasites. Steve is taking down the helicarriers now, and you have no doubt he will succeed. After that, Sam will likely come find you and pull you from the wreckage with Natasha in tow. You’ll listen to her lecture all the way to the hospital, just like old times. 

Your friends will come… won’t they? 

Natasha has saved you more times than you can count, but you can’t help the doubt that creeps in, dark and quiet just like the first hints of fear. Will she wonder about you too, once they find out that the formerly-decorated SHIELD agent Aiden Galloway—your friend, your mentor, your partner, your brother-in-arms—is dirty? 

Will an everlasting cloud of suspicion hang over your head even if you emerge from this, alive but not unscathed? Even Steve had doubted you once. Does he still? Will you ever know for sure? 

“How does it feel?” Galloway rasps at you, flashing a morbid smile as his death approaches. It’s not fast enough for you, unfortunately, as you listen to his deathbed confession. “To know that all of it was a lie?” 

You hate to give him the satisfaction, but your face distorts with anguish all the same as he twists the proverbial knife, one last time. 

Being an agent wasn’t just a title. It was a privilege for someone like you, who had come from unknown origins, who defected to SHIELD without even a name of her own, who once spent years of her life either being locked up or trained to spread calamity and discord. 

But all this time, what were you even fighting for? You thought you were finally standing on the right side of history, but it wasn’t true, was it? You weren’t, in fact, a noble agent of SHIELD. You were just another unwitting Hydra pawn all along. 

All those battles fought in the name of good and justice, all those comrades lost over the years, and for what? For a world that quite frankly asked too much and gave too little in return. 

What had this world ever done for you, other than punish you for simply being born? 

“You won’t win,” you bite out vindictively, adrenaline melting out of your veins with every breath. “Men like you never do.” 

“The Asset won’t let us down,” Aiden laughs. He actually laughs, the motherfucker. “You remember him, don’t you?” 

Your heart splits, a fresh wave of pain washing over you. The memories come flooding back: blue eyes peering at you over the edge of a mask—a black muzzle for a boy taken, kept like a prisoner, and then used like a piece of machinery; the warmth of his palm against yours in that freezing cold dungeon; and the sacrifice he’d made so you and Natasha could escape. 

He had been alive all this time, all alone, not knowing that people out there remembered him, thought about him, and cared about him. 

You can’t help but think of Steve, every stricken look on the rare occasion he deigned to speak about his childhood friend, as if reliving an eighty-year-old nightmare. 

Your force your eyes open. This Aiden Galloway before you is a stranger, because the one you knew, the one you had grown to love like a brother, could never be so cruel. He took you under his wing when you first arrived, showing you the ropes and teaching you everything you knew about being a good agent. 

He’d done wonders too; soon, you were working in Fury’s division with the revered likes of Natasha, Maria, and the famous Clint Barton. 

So why? 

Galloway had pulled you out of more scrapes than you could remember during your first missions as a reckless rookie agent. He had covered for your mistakes, took scoldings and official reprimands in your place with a carefree smile. He had taken literal bullets for you. He had bled in your stead. 

If this was always Hydra’s endgame, then why bother saving you at all? Why not just let you die out there somewhere, blaming it on literally anything and anyone else but himself? Why couldn’t he just kill you before the seeds of affection could ever blossom? 

Why pretend to care about you at all? 

It’s stunning that the existence of cruelty, plain and simple, still manages to surprise you. You’d think that, after all this time, after everything you’ve seen and everything you’ve suffered, you’d come to expect it at every corner… or at least get better at spotting it. 

Well. 

You won’t make the same mistake again. 

Summoning every ounce of strength, you lift your gun. You’ve handled this weapon hundreds of times, used it to end countless lives before today and will likely continue to do so after, but today it feels oddly heavy in your hand. 

Ending a life never comes easy, no matter how many times you do it or which side of history you stand on, but you already know that this particular kill is one that won’t ever leave you. 

You take aim, your finger steady on the trigger. Just like Aiden taught you. He won’t last much longer anyhow, given how much blood he’s already lost, but you have to remind yourself that this isn’t an act of mercy. It’s an act of retribution, one he most definitely deserves. 

You wonder, if you repeat it to yourself enough times, will you come to believe your own words? 

Aiden grins, a ruby-red smile that sears itself in your mind and stays with you long after he’s gone. The bastard just has to get in the last word, and even as his eyes glaze over, two words reach into the smoke and haunt your dreams. 

“Hail Hydra.” 

Your eyes snap open, your lungs drawing in a sharp gasp of a breath.

For a disorienting heartbeat, you’re lost in time, trying to claw your way out of the clutches of a persistent nightmare, and blinking rapidly against the stark reality of consciousness. 

A sheen of cold sweat clings to your brow, your skin prickling and clammy under a heavy quilt as you try to sit up. 

You regret it instantly, a searing pain shooting up and down your body, every muscle protesting the movement. The walls of a rustic cabin materialize slowly around you like a developing polaroid, and suddenly you remember. 

The safe house. You had entered its coordinates on your jet just before it crashed about a mile away. You didn’t think you’d make it, growing dizzy with pain and blood loss before eventually collapsing in the snow. 

The room is brightly-lit by a flickering fire, where a log pops loudly and sparks jumping up before disappearing again onto the stone hearth. You take deep breaths to try and calm your frenzied heart, tasting the fresh sharp scent of pine and sweet bread on your tongue. 

Your pulse begins to settle back into a less frantic rhythm, the weight of the quilt lain on top of you comforting and warm… until you look up and see a snowy white cat perched on top of the bedside table. You startle, wincing in pain as your feline guardian peers at you curiously with beautiful blue eyes. 

It reminds you of— 

“Hey,” comes a voice, gravelly with sleep and something akin to worry. He’s close, so close you wonder how you didn’t sense his presence before now, his eyes the familiar colour of arctic ice. Those eyes have never left your thoughts, it occurs to you now, reluctant to release you from their grasp. 

You feel your muscles tense at the sight of him, the quilt’s fabric bunching in your fists as you grip the edges tighter. Your tac-suit is gone, you suddenly realize, and you’re lying naked in a bed that Bucky Barnes usually sleeps in.  

“You’re probably still mad,” Bucky says, his voice so quiet you almost have to lean in to hear him despite your closeness. “But I just…” 

He trails off and for a moment, he just stares at you like he can’t believe you’re here. Then, in the fire’s glow, you’re suddenly pressed into his chest by a pair of powerful arms, so gently as if he’s handling the most precious thing in the world. 

You’re not mad, you think but don’t say. You never were. Not at him, anyway. You can’t tell him why; the only problem with this frustratingly beautiful man is that he only ever blames himself, even if he’s done nothing wrong. 

Even when you’re the one who is broken and unworthy.

There is a reason for the distance you’ve steadily kept, but as you hear his astounded and shaky whispers of you’re alive, thank god you’re alive in your ear, you allow yourself a minute. 

One minute in which you’re allowed to feel—the ache, the yearning, and the fragments of a heart you gave away a long time ago and never got back.

« Chapter 2 || Chapter 4 »

Taglist — @cjand10 @pbs-theundeadmaggot @nerdreader Please leave a comment or send me a DM if you’d like to be added to the taglist for this story. Note that if you ask and you are a blank blog, I will block you instead.

Notes — For what it’s worth, I really am sorry for what I’m putting these two through. Did you guys know that this idea was originally conceived as a five-chapter romantic comedy lmao?! Also, the fluff is coming in future chapters—I promise. Everyone just has to suffer a lot a bit first because evidently I’m a sadist, lmao.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x you #summer’s fics

[buckybarnesisdaddy]

Summer Lovin’ pt 1

Summary: Getting into the villa took more work than expected. What didn’t surprise you though was the drama that would ensue, you just didn’t think it would all involve you.

Pairing: those are surprises at the moment! 🤭 Everly(reader) X ???, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Jake Jensen, Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, Peggy Carter, Colin Shea, brief mention of Brock Rumlow. Also original characters.

Rating: Mature!

Warnings: talks of sex, making out, lap dances, petting, PTSD talks. Talks of war, trauma, bombs, war time violence. Graphic talk of injuries.

A/N: there is so much I want to give a heads up for, not bad just some choices I made. So I’ll do that at the end. 😉

Masterlist

You take a deep breath as you climb out of the car. Your bags disappear as a production assistant ushers you down the walk way. “So you will stand here and we are gonna ask you a few questions, okay?” The camera man in front of you has a blank stare as he zooms in closer, the production assistant gives you a look from behind the camera, she motions for you to smile.

“I’m sorry, are we starting now? Like right now?” You ask as you look around, trying to take in the view for just a second. The assistant taps the camera man’s shoulder and motions for him to back up.

“Yes, we are starting now. But we can give you a minute if you need it.” She assures you, thanking her with a smile. “How about while we wait, you tell me about yourself. I actually don’t know anything about you, so leave nothing out.” The assistant chirps happily. You nod and smooth out your sun dress, your fingers fidgeting with the wrinkles.

“Oh, um okay. I thought everyone would know every nitty gritty detail of our lives before we got on set.”

“Villa,” the assistant corrects you. “It will make it feel more like home.” She smiles. You nod as you look around.

“Right, Villa. The Love Island Villa.” You say quietly as you turn around and look at the looming mansion behind you. The assistant motions to the camera man to start rolling again, but this time he backs up and makes sure to not be seen. The cobblestone driveway clicks beneath your heels as you shuffle around in place. Gazing up at the two story mansion before you, modern but still home like. The black and gray color that make up the exterior contrasts all the bright pink, orange, and yellow that make up the furnishings, and decor. The windows reflect the sun brightly and the greenery perfectly placed along the balconies and tresses are lush and full of life, and quietly under all the excess noise coming from the camera crew and the production team, you can hear the roar and crash of the ocean waves. You take a deep breath and turn back to the production assistant. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name before.” You ask, extending your hand for a shake. She smiles and reaches her hand out to yours.

“Annie” She offers. You nod and shake her hand.

“It’s nice to meet you Annie, I’m Everly.”

“Nice to meet you, Everly. Now how about you tell us about yourself.”

🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩

You spend the next hour making an intro video that will be played on TV. After that Annie sits you down and explains the rules of the show. “Okay, No leaving the villa before the end of filming, unless of course you are voted off. Have physical altercations of you will be removed from the villa by police and charges may potentially be filed. You can’t have your own personal phone or communication device of any kind. We will provide you with one while you are here and it is solely for the purpose of texting between production and the participants. You must adhere and pass all drug and STD testing while you are here or else you will be removed from the island. And lastly, have fun!” You hear everything Annie is saying and you just nod.

“Do people really fail their STD screenings when coming in?” You ask and Annie laughs.

“You’re be surprised! It also depends on what it is. If it’s easily treatable then we may keep you and just quarantine you.” You lightly laugh.

“Well I don’t plan on getting one.” Annie laughs.

“No one plans on getting and STD, Everly.” She guides you back to the car. “Alright, now that we’ve got you checked in and set up, we wait!” You scrunch your eyebrows.

“Wait?? I thought-“ you point to the villa.

“Oh don’t worry, you are on the island.” You take a breath at Annie’s reassurance, you’re not sure why, you didn’t even sign up for this stupid love show, your friends did it for you. “But production of reviewing all your information and the other girls information as we can decide what order to introduce you to each other.” Annie smiles and then whispers, “But you have nothing to worry about, you’re total bombshell material.” And with that Annie is gone.

**** 1 month ago****

“Nooooo!!” You drunkenly whine. “Sarah why?!” Sarah, your best friend since childhood laughs.

“Because! The last man you let touch you was that pathetic excuse of a boyfriend you had! You need love, Evie!” Sarah says sweetly as you pout and pour another glass of wine.

“I don’t Need anything.” You correct her and she raises her hands in surrender.

“Okay true, you don’t need a man or love. But it couldn’t hurt to let yourself have it. Just because you don’t need it doesn’t mean it isn’t nice to have.” You grumble, knowing Sarah is right. “This is a fun and easy way to get back into the dating world, and to meet a lot of hot guys while you’re at it! After everything with Colin and don’t even get me started on Brock-” You sigh.

“Yeah I guess.” You laugh to yourself. “You know what? You’re right! Why should Colin be the last guy who’s ever touched me?! He doesn’t deserve that title!” You exclaim, the wine finally settling in and carrying you to the loud drunk stage.

“Yes, that’s the spirit! Now, let me tell you all about the island.” Sarah giggles as she explain her favorite guilty pleasure TV show.

“So it’s like the Bachelor but better?”

“Yes!! And babes,” Sarah looks you up and down. “You are bombshell material!!” Sarah hypes you up. “Those eyes and that hair! Those lips and hips! Those boys will be eating out of the palm of your hand and those girls are gonna be Mad!” Sarah laugh and you giggle.

“I don’t want to make enemies!” You laugh nervously.

“To quote the age old, love island proverb, ‘it’s love Island, not friendship island.’” You bust out laughing, the wine finally making you lose your mind and Sarah is right there with you.

****

You smile as you think back to that night. Sarah had helped you with your shopping spree the next day. Bathing suits, dresses, cute outfits. All of it perfectly fitting your style and helping you stay true to who you are. You fidget with your sundress again as you look down at your freshly tanned legs and painted toes. You been sitting for almost an hour with no word from Annie, maybe they looked at all your stuff and changed their minds. Now they are hoping you get the hint and leave. “No, Everly. Don’t think like that. They would have brought your luggage back if that were the case. Stop worrying.” You say to yourself. You think about how your mom reacted when you told her you’d be gone for 8 weeks to be on a dating show. She about blew a gasket and then she laughed and cried and wished you good luck. Your sister promised to keep detailed notes so she could tease you mercilessly once you got back. Your dad and brother promised to not watch a single episode after they googled and realized what all could happen on the show. Your dad said, “I’ll meet whoever wins your heart after the fact. I don’t need to see you swapping spit with him.” You laugh out loud at that memory.

About five minutes later Annie walks back in. “Okay Everly! You ready to get changed? We have this bathing suit for you.” She holds up one from your suitcase.

“Did you go through my stuff?” You ask as you take the swimsuit from her.

“We have to make sure no contraband is snuck in. Don’t worry, we don’t touch any self care items we find.” She winks and your face goes red. You didn’t pack anything like that but you know Sarah and your sister, Lizzy were snooping around your bag before you got picked up. “Oh god, what did they put in there?” You mumble to yourself and Annie laughs having heard you.

“Well if it was your friends that snuck that certain item inside then they want you to have a great time, regardless of finding love of not.” You blush bright red and dart into the changing room.

You slip on your bikini, it’s royal blue and fits you perfectly. The bottom is full around your butt with the slightest bit of a cheeky cut. You adjust them again as you recall telling Sarah ‘none of those boys have earned seeing any more of my ass.’ As you look at yourself in the mirror you stand by your decision. The top perfectly supports your breast and honestly makes them look irresistible. You slip on your sandals and walk out to meet Annie. “Oh perfect! Although, are you sure you don’t want these heels?” She holds up a pair you brought from home.

“I’m sure, I want to keep the sandals for now.” Annie nods and then takes you folded up clothes.

“Okay, these will be placed in the bedroom with your suitcase,” she holds up your clothes. “Now we are going to film your entrance and then you walking into the villa. After that, you’re on your own until we check in with you. Okay?”

“Okay.” You take a breath and wait for them to say action.

You push open the main door and are immediately greeted with a giant neon sign that says ‘Love’. You smile and start to feel a little excited. You hear some others moving around upstairs so you make your way up. Passing by the living room, decorated ceiling to floor with pink, orange, yellow, and green and the kitchen with neon lights along the kitchen island and another neon sign that says ‘snacks’, you find the stairwell rather plain. But it open up to a giant room filled with 4 large beds. The floor is marble and there is a nice sized carpet in the middle of the room. The four beds face each other, two on one wall and two on the other, with a grand chandelier in the middle of the ceiling providing the light. At the very back there is an opening into the bathroom. A walk into shower, big enough for 2 and a tub big enough for 4, thankfully there seems to be a separate area for the actual toilets which there are three stalls in a little hallway on the other side of the shower. The shower is nestled in the corner with tiled walls except for the glass door and the tub sits under a large window that looks out over the yard. With further examination you see that there is in fact a door to the bathroom that can be locked, and that sets your mind more at ease.

You take another look at your surroundings and notice no one else is around. “So not the bombshell,” you sigh. “Great.” You explore some more when you hear people moving around again. “Hello?!” You call out, hoping to get an answer.

“Did you hear that?!” Says one girl with a sweet voice. It’s a little deeper and it has a Smokey sound to it, but still inviting.

“Yeah, it sounded like another girl!” The next girl says, her voice is lighter and softer, like velvet. You can’t tell there is the slightest bit of an accent.

“Oh great, the bombshell arrived.” The last girl says is a very proper British accent.

“Cut it out, let go find her and introduce ourselves.” The first girl says. You take a deep breath and prepare for whoever is about to walk out of the closet. First is a shorter woman, she has beautiful hair that is red at the roots and blonde on the ends, she’s obviously let it grow out and she’s absolutely owning it. She walks with grace and poise as she crosses the room to you.

“Hi, I’m Natasha. And you are?”

“Everly! It’s nice to meet you.” You smile at her and her friendly attitude.

“Likewise.” Natasha offers. Two more woman come walking out of the dressing room. One with bright red hair and soulful eyes and the other with brown curls and red lipstick.

“Did I hear your name is Everly?” The other red head asks, you nod. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Wanda.” She moves in and hugs you, you’re a little taken aback but you don’t mind. The other woman stares at you over Wanda’s shoulder before she smiles and introduces herself.

“I’m Margret, but most people call me Peggy.” Her voice sounds familiar but you think nothing of it, You smile and wave

“Nice to meet you.” looking around and sighing. “So how long have y’all been here?” Natasha settles on the bed behind her.

“Not too long. Enough to get settled and get ready to meet the boys.” She smirks. “But before we do that we need to know more about you! Tell us a little something, Everly!” You laugh and shrug,

“Not much to tell! I am a physical therapist and I work primarily with Veterans who have been through a life changing physical trauma.” Natasha and Wanda beam at you and Peggy just gives a tight smile, you realize she looks familiar too but you can’t place her. “I had a boyfriend of 2 years until I found him in bed with someone else back in December. I dumbed him and have been healing ever since. My friend nominated me for the show and after some soul searching I decided I am ready to give this all a try, hopefully find Love and if not then at least have a good summer.” Natasha looks at Wanda with a smile.

“So you’re here for love too!?” Wanda asks.

“Of course, I mean that’s the name of the game, right?” You joke and she nods.

“I’m ready to settle down.” Wanda says. “Natasha here is on the love hunt too.” Wanda teases and Natasha laughs and rolls her eyes.

“I am open to finding love but if all I have is a summer of fun then so be it. Isn’t that right Peggy?” Natasha turns to the tight lipped, familiar lady standing on the other side of the group.

“Definitely, we are all here for our own agendas and our own lives. Whatever our reasons are, are our own.” Peggy says as she crosses her arms. You look at Natasha’s who gives you a face and you hide your laughter.

“Well said, Peggy.” Natasha answers. “Anyway, Everly what is your type?”

“My type?” You ask.

“Yeah! Like mine is nerdy and sweet.” Wanda offers. “Natasha’s is moody and loyal.”

“You make my type sound like a dog.” Natasha jokes and you three laugh.

“Oh I didn’t mean it like that!” Wanda exclaims. “If anyone’s type is like a dog it’s Peggy’s! Protective but able to take orders?!” The girls laughs and Peggy roles her eyes.

“I would have much appreciated if you had kept my ‘type’ to yourself.” Peggy crosses her arms. Wanda is about to apologize but Natasha stops her.

“Oh calm down Peggy. It’s a type of man, not your bank codes.” At that Peggy does crack a smile. “We are just having some fun, lighten up! It is too early to be making enemies and something tells me Everly is gonna be someone you want to be friends with.” Natasha winks as she looks at you and asks you again. “So Everly, what’s your type?!” You blush and look at your feet and then back at her.

“Well I am a hopeless romantic. The idea of meeting someone in a coffee shop and spending the whole day with them because the conversation and company is just that good? That makes me melt. So my type is the romantic, passionate, sweet type.” Wanda smiles and looks like she’s gonna melt where she is.

“Yes! Someone to sweep you off your feet and then defend you honor all at the same time.” You laugh and nod.

“Yeah, something like that.” Suddenly a phone dinging gets all of your attention.

“It’s my phone!” Wanda excitedly exclaims as she read sit out loud.

*Wanda, the boys are waiting downstairs for you to make your move. #showthemwhatyou’vegot*

Wanda looks up and about squeals from happiness. “I’ll see you all outside!” Wanda hurries down the stairs and outside. Natasha grabs your arm and drags you closer to the window.

“Can you see them?!” Natasha asks.

“No, not a one. But we will see them soon!” You answer back as you try to Crain your neck just enough to catch a glimpse. Natasha’s phone dings.

“Some of us sooner rather than later.” Natasha teases. “See you down there!” She runs down the stairs. You sit in silence with Peggy who looks like she’d rather be anywhere else.

“So what do you do, Peggy?” She looks over at you and politely smiles.

“I am a military contractor.” Peggy says. You nod not having a clue what that means. The awkward silence is broken by your phone dinging.

“Huh,” she smiles up at you, “guess they are saving the best till last.” You don’t even bother to look at her, you just read your phone.

*Everly, it’s time for a bombshell like you to shake things up. Two of the four boys are coupled up but those boys could still step forward and fight for a chance to couple up with you. #Gogetthem #bombshellalert #summerlovin’

🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩

You feel butterflies in your stomach and you take a deep breath. “Okay, Everly. Let’s do this.” You walk downstairs and out to the back doors. You take another breath and decide to give it your best sexy strut. The big white doors open and the sun shines on your face, the warmth sends tingles down your spine. You toss your hair around a little as you start your entrance. Making sure you add a little bounce to your step as you descend the concrete stairs to the grassy yard. You take another deep breath, “hiya boys!” You holler and wave as you get closer. The four men in front of you stand with their eyes locked and jaws dropped. “I heard y’all were ready for some summer Lovin’. I’m Everly, nice to meet you.” You wink and walk even closer. Natasha cat calls you and Wanda cheers. The boys are mesmerized by you and just watches your every move.

“Hi, I’m Steve.” The tall, blonde, chiseled man to your right offers a bright smile as he itches to move closer to you. His eyes are a pretty blue and his smile is bright and infectious.

“Hi Steve.” You bite your lip a little and then smile.

“And I’m Bucky.” Says the tall, brunette, and just as chiseled man to the right of Steve. His eyes are a pale blue and his voice is so smooth, you can already imagine what sweet nothings would sound like coming from that voice. He holds himself proud and strong, you can tell he is a sturdy man. Natasha laughs and nudges his arm. She cocks her eyebrow and Bucky blushes as he looks back at you. You smirk and give a little wave and wink which seem to do the trick.

“Hi Bucky.” The next man is tall and blonde but his hair is shorter and a little spiky. His glasses are round a look absolutely adorable on him. He is a little nerdy looking but in a way that you totally love. He fumbles a little and looks between you and Wanda. Wanda smiles and gives him a nod.

“I’m Jake- and wow! Oh I’m sorry-” He looks at Wanda who nudges him.

“No I agree,” she looks back at you and smiles. “Wow is right.” You notice Steve fidgeting and you can feel Bucky’s eyes admiring your form. You dart your eyes to the side and he knows he was caught. You smile to let him know that you don’t mind it at all before you shift your eyes back to Jake.

“Well, thank you, Jake. That was really sweet.” You coo as sweetly as you can before you walk in front of the last man in line. He is of course, tall, his skin is beautiful and glowing in the sun. His abs are incredible and he stands as though he was military. He smiles and has the smallest gap in his front teeth. It’s kinda cute.

“Hi, I’m Sam.” He says as he stands straighter and looks you up and down.

“Hi Sam.” You offer back with a nice smile. You look at the boys and give them all a contemplative look. You are very interested in all of them but you don’t want to ruffle any feathers, at least not on the first day that is. “Okay, I am going to couple up with-“ You see Natasha elbow Bucky and he jumps forward.

“Now wait, you’re supposed to ask us to step forward if we are into you.” He gives you a shy little smile. You blush and look at Sam and Steve who just shrug. Sam steps forward, Bucky eyes him and steps forward as well. You are caught off guard, of course you want men fighting for your heart, it’s nice to be wanted. But so publicly and at the express of the new friends you’ve made.

“Now boys, hold on-“ you start but are interrupted by Steve.

“Well if we are really doing this,” Steve says as he walks forward. Jake shuffles around and Wanda squeezes his hand.

“Step forward if you want, Jake. It’s okay, it’s the first 30 minutes of knowing each other, no one should be too attached at the moment.” Jake shuffles forward and stands shoulder to shoulder with the other three men. You blush and look at each guy overwhelmed by their interest in you.

“Well, I am very flattered but I don’t want to step on any toes.” You start to explain again when Natasha interrupts you.

“No need to worry, Everly. We just met these guys and we have all summer to woo and win them back if you take them.” She winks and you laugh.

“Well how about you tell me about yourselves.” You say and Sam speaks up first.

“I am a retired airman. Now I work in security. I’ve got a boat I love to work on back home and I’ve got jokes for days.” He smiles and you laugh, teasing him a bit.

“So it takes you days to tell a singular joke? Must not be that funny.” You wink and Sam laughs as he shuffles around.

“Oh we’re gonna have fun.” You shrug and move on to the next.

“Jake? What about you?” Jake smiles and adjusts his glasses.

“Well I’m retired military as well. Actually I’m supposed to be dead.” You gasp and he shrugs. “Anyway, I have a niece I am crazy about and I’m really good with computers and tech.” He smiles proudly and you can’t help but smile back.

“I’m sure your niece is very proud of you.” You assure him and Jake beams back at you. You then turn to Bucky.

“Oh my turn? Right, so I am a retired army Sergeant. I now work as a carpenter, me and my buddy started a construction company a few years back and it’s going pretty well. I also do some freelance security work.” You laugh as you ask.

“What does that mean?”

Bucky smirks at you. “If I told you then I’d have to kill you.” He winks and you blush and promptly look at Steve.

“I am a retired army Captain,” he looks at Bucky as he emphasizes his higher rank, and Bucky lightly laughs and shakes his head. “Funny enough I also work in carpentry and have a business with my buddy. Who I also work in freelance security with on the side.” Everyone looks at each other and then back at Bucky and Steve.

“Wait,” you ask. “You two are friends? And know each other from the outside?” Steve and Bucky laugh and nod.

“Yeah, Buck and I go way back.” Steve answers as he squeezes Steve’s shoulder.

“Childhood friends and all. Someone had to keep him from getting his teeth kicked in.” Bucky says as he puts Steve in a headlock. Sam and Jake are laughing, the girls are all in shock and Steve pushes Bucky off of him with a loud laugh. You look at Natasha and she cocks an eyebrow.

“You’re also all veterans, huh? Everly what was it that you do again?” Natasha taking on the role of best/worst wingman in the world. You clear your throat and wish away the blush rising in your cheeks.

“I’m a physical therapist. I work with Veterans who have experienced life changing physical trauma.” All four boys look at you in awe.

“WOW, that’s amazing.” Sam says.

“Could have used one of those when I got out.” Jake says jokingly.

“I bet you’ve helped a lot of men and women get back a little piece of themselves.” Steve admires.

“I know the work you do, mine changed my life after my accident.” Bucky admits, that’s when you notice the faint, white scarring across the left side of his chest and left arm. Your professional curiosity is about to get the better of you but you quickly snap back to the task at hand.

“I do what I can, I hope I’ve made a difference.” You gently smile at Bucky and he gazes back. Natasha clears her throat.

“So Everly, you gonna steal one of our guys?” You look at Natasha and then back at Bucky and Steve. You smirk and playfully answer back.

“Now Natasha, it wouldn’t be any fun if I stole them, they may choose me on their own.” You wink and Natasha give a playful laugh. Bucky looks like he’s about to melt where he is and Steve looks about ready to jump out of his skin. “Well I don’t want to ruffle feathers and we have all summer, plus this guy looks about as sweet as a golden retriever and I need that energy in my life.” Wanda looks a little worried, thinking you’ve got eyes for Jake. You assure her by flicking your gaze to the man you are choosing. “I want to couple up with Steve.” Steve punches the air and gives you a big hug as you jog over to him. You stand by his side as you wait to Peggy to make her entrance. She comes waltzing down the stairs and you feel Steve shift around a little but then he looks at you with his deep blue eyes and you melt. He takes your hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. You then hear Bucky whisper to Steve, “I thought they usually saved the Bombshell for last? After Everly my head is spinning so much I can’t bring myself to focus.” Steve agrees. You blush and try not to let it go to your head.

“Well, hello boys.” Peggy says sweetly. “Seems most of you are coupled up,” her gaze flicks to Steve, “but we could change that. Step forward if you fancy me.” Sam steps forward and so does Jake. She looks at Steve and then her eyes float to you. You can tell Peggy is gonna cause some trouble in the future. “Hmmm I think I will couple up with this tall, handsome man right here.” She takes Sam’s arm and Jake shuffles back to Wanda who promptly wraps her arms around his. You get a text.

*Islanders, these will be your couples until the next recoupling. Which may be sooner rather than later. Take some time to know your partner and the fellow islanders. #flirtaway #mixitup*

You turn and look at Steve, he smiles down at you and then looks around to find a place to talk. “The daybeds look like a nice quiet place to talk, wanna?” He asks and you nod.

“Lead the way.” You two make you way across the lawn and pass the pool to the little covered patio on the other end of the lawn. The daybeds lay three in a row and face the rest of the yard. Steve sits down first and you crawl on the bed next to him. As you get settled you meet his gaze and his eyes flick from yours to your lips and then back again. Blushing and looking away, Steve lightly laughs, “So, tell me a little about yourself, Everly.” He reclines and rests one arm across his chest and the other behind his head. His smile is warm and he stares at you like you’re the most important person in the world, you feel butterflies erupt in your stomach as you meet his gaze.

“Well, as I said before I am a physical therapist but I also do some writing on the side. Helps take my mind off of work and lets me escape a little.” Steve raises his eyebrows in surprise.

“A writer too? WOW, what kind of stuff do you write?” He asks as he sits forward, even more intrigued.

“Romance of course!” You tease and Steve laughs. “But really, it’s love stories and teeth rotting sweetness. Just something to lighten up my mood after a hard day.” Steve beams at you and reaches out to squeeze your hand. “Humm what else? I have a sister and brother that I adore and my parents have been married for almost 30 years. I’m pretty easygoing, I love to spend time with friends and my loved ones.”

“Do you live near your family?” Steve asks as he rubs his thumb over the back of your hand.

“I do, but not so close that they would drop by unannounced.” Steve laughs and nods.

“I know what you mean. My mom lives across town and I make sure it stays that way. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my mom, but sometimes you need your own space.”

“Yes!” You exclaim. “Sorry,” you apologize for your loudness, looking around to see if anyone was disturbed by the outburst. All you see is Peggy staring at the two of you. “Umm sorry,” you laugh, “But I totally get that. My sister drops by sometimes unannounced and well let’s just say she has seen some things.” You blush and Steve lets out a loud laugh.

“Oh really?! What kinda things?” He smirks and leans a little closer, itching for the juicy details. You blush even more.

“Umm like an afternoon delight in the kitchen.” You cover your face and Steve pulls your hands away.

“Hey, no need to be shy!” He smiles kindly at you. “Would it make you feel better if I told you an embarrassing sex story too?” You laugh.

“Absolutely!” You cross your legs and lean your elbow on your knees and as you gaze up at him. He laughs and starts to blush himself.

“Well I was still enlisted when this happened. We were out on assignment and were waiting for the all clear to move in on our target. We were board and well, one of the M.A.S.H surgeons decided it would be fun to play strip poker. One thing led to another and me and her were in the back of the humvee going all the way.” You interrupt him.

“Steve this just sounds like your bragging about getting laid in a war zone.” You tease and Steve holds a hand up.

“Hold on, I’m not done.” He laughs and looks up at the sky, “Right as we were about to finish, the back door to the humvee opens.” You gasp and Steve nods, “yup, apparently while we were naked they radioed that we had to move out immediately. Everyone was geared up and ready to go but when they opened the door all they saw was my ass-“ Just then You hear Bucky and Natasha walking over, Bucky decides to finish the story for Steve.

“Yup! And that’s why we lovingly called him America’s ass the rest of his enlistment.” Bucky grins and pats Steve’s back. You try not to laugh as you look at a blushing Steve. He just nods and gives you permission, and you can’t hold it in anymore.

“Oh my god, that’s horrible. And kinda funny.” You laugh and Steve smiles, he likes your laugh, it’s sweet and light. He could listen to you laugh all day.

“I’m a big boy, I can handle being laughed at. But can you Bucky? Should I tell Natasha your embarrassing sex story?”

Nat laughs and looks between the two of them. “You two swap sex stories?” You giggle as you look back at Steve.

“Well yeah, don’t you?” He teases Natasha and she nods in agreement. “So Bucky are you gonna tell it or should I?” Bucky shrugs and looks at you with a smirk.

“Go ahead Stevie.”

“Stevie?” You question with a smirk of your own, Steve blushes and nods.

“Something my mom and my overprotective best friend always called me growing up. Now it’s just whipped out in times where he wants to be condescending.” Bucky laughs and agrees.

“Well I like it, Stevie.” You reach out and ruffle his hair and he catches your hand and give sit a kiss. “But back to the topic at hand, Bucky’s embarrassing sex story!” The four of you laugh and Bucky raises his hands.

“I was with a girl and her dad caught us. Walked right in there for a visit and apparently he had a key. And we were taking advantage of the great lighting in the living room of her apartment.” Natasha gasps.

“Wait?! As in like videos?!” Natasha asks, Bucky blushes and you want to see him do it again.

“If I said no would you believe me?” Bucky says to Nat and she laughs out loud.

“What?!? Like only fans???” Natasha asks, not weirded out at all but interested.

“Yes but it wasn’t mine. It was hers and it was a 1 time thing. We met at a bar and we were gonna hook up so she asked if wouldn’t mind being filmed. I said I didn’t care as long as my face and voice weren’t shown. So we set it all up and got to business. Her dad caught us before we could finish. So the video was deleted and that was my short, non-existent only fan’s career.” Your jaw is dropped and Natasha is laughing. Steve can’t breathe he is laughing so hard. “Anyway, it was for the best cause that was my first and only 1 night stand.” Natasha stops laughing.

“Wait really? Not trying to shame you, just wondering why.” Natasha asks as she takes his hand in hers. He smiles at her and then his gaze flicks to you before he answers.

“I’m more of the romantic type. I can flirt the pants off any women in a heartbeat but 99.9% of the time I then promptly ‘put them back on’. I’m kinda old fashioned in that way, I like it to mean something. Actually now that I think about it that story is kinda sad cause I was going through some shit and I was kinda in a spiral.” Bucky looks from you to Steve. He then lightly laughs. “Way to bring the mood down, Buck.”

“No, you didn’t, Bucky.” You assure him, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. “Thanks for sharing. And I think that’s sweet about wanting it to mean something, I’m like that too, hopeless romantic and all.” Bucky’s eyes light up in a way that only you catch. He nods.

“Thanks, Everly.” He then looks at Natasha. “So, what’s your story?” Before she can answer her phone dings. “Saved by the bell!” She laughs and opened the message as she screams for the other to join.

“I got a text!!” Wanda and Peggy run over, followed by Sam and Jake.

*Islanders, head to the fire pit for a steamy game of Truth or Dare. If the fire isn’t burning by the end then a switch up may be coming your way. #Hotandheavy #getthefirestarted #sparksareflying*

You and Steve look at each other and then back at Natasha and Bucky. “Sounds like if there aren’t sparks flying then that decoupling might happen sooner than we expected.” Bucky says as he looks at you and then back at Natasha. “We should probably head over.” He says as he stands up, you three follow him over to the fire pit. It’s sits right below the deck and has a built in bench that circles around half of the fire. The cushions are soft and brightly colored to match the rest of the house. You sit next to Steve and feel Peggy’s eyes on you. You glance her way and she avoids your gaze. Steve notices your face and gives you a nudge.

“Everything okay?” You meet his gaze and offer a small smile.

“Yeah, just I seem to have already made an enemy without even trying.” Nodding your head in Peggy’s direction as you whisper. Steve hums and takes your hand in his.

“I’m sorry, anything I can do?” He rubs the back of your hand with his thumb and you blush a little.

“Maybe get those sparks flying so we can stay together?” You give a flirty look and Steve bites his lip as he watches you.

“Oh I can definitely do that.” He smirks as he leans in closer, so close his lips graze your temple. “But maybe I should wait for the game to start.” He pulls back and winks and you just melt. You look across the fire pit and see Bucky, his eyes are soft as he watches you and your stomach does a flip. You give a small smile and Bucky has to bite his lip so he doesn’t break out the biggest smile. He clears his throat and looks at Natasha.

“So how do we play?” His phone dings, “Guess I could have waited 1 second and I would have gotten my answer.” He laughs and opens up the message.

*Islanders, each person will get a chance to pick a truth or dare card. Each card is a steamy dare or a sexy truth. Now let’s get the fire started because whoever you have the most chemistry with is who you will go on a date with tonight, and it might not be who you are partnered up with. #isithotinhere #letsgetstarted*

Bucky meets your gaze and you shift around a little. His eyes are so captivating but you can’t get caught gazing at him when Steve needs to be your focus. You turn your gaze to Steve and he smiles down at you. “Okay, who goes first?” Steve asks, his phone dings and he reads the message, “Looks like it’s me.” He smirks as he walks up to the deck of cards on the edge of the fire pit. Drawing the first card and a letting a big smile break across his face. “I got a dare card and it says ‘kiss the hottest girl for at least 15 seconds’. They don’t have to tell me twice.” Steve turns and looks at you, he walks over and pulls you up from your seat, your heartbeats faster and your gaze flicks to his lips as he leans in closer. Soft gentle lips graze yours and at first it’s sweet and tame. Then his arms wrap around your body and pulls you closer as his tongue gently pushes against your bottom lip, you hold back the moan that’s about to escape you when you hear the timer go off. Everyone cheers and claps. Sam whistles and Jake says some joke about it not counting if there wasn’t tongue. You blush as you pull back and open your eyes. Steve has the cutest blush breaking across his cheeks and nose, give him a ‘sun-kissed’ look and it’s so cute you could melt. You sit and pull Steve to sit down with you, holding his hand and trying to hide your blush from everyone else. Natasha meets your gaze and gives you a killer smirk.

“So Everly, sparks?” She asks and you blush even more. Steve lightly laughs and looks down at you.

“I’d say there were sparks flying, huh?” You nod and Steve pats your thigh as you two sit back.

“Okay, my turn!” Jake shoots up and grabs a card, “Truth! ‘Have you ever faked it to get out of a horrible lay?’ Well I feel this would have been a question for one of the ladies, but surprisingly I have.” Jake looks at Wanda and she just laughs.

“Wait, how?!” She asks, you’re genuinely curious too.

“Well, we weren’t naked yet and I felt horrible about doing it but I also didn’t want to sleep with her if I wasn’t into it. So I just kinda-“

“Oh my god,” Sam exclaims. “You faked getting off in your pants to get out of having sex?!” He looks at Jake and Jake hangs his head.

“Yeah, I did.” The boys laugh, Wanda speaks up.

“I mean it’s sweet you didn’t sleep with her when you knew you weren’t into it. But you could have told her the truth too.” Jake nods and agrees.

“I know that now! Then I was 17 and just wanted to get out of there and get home.” Jake explains. Wanda rubs his back and gently smiles at him.

“It’s okay, Jakey.” She assures him and Jake blushes and acts all shy. Bucky laughs and shakes his head. Natasha stands up and grabs a card. Her perfectly sculpted eyebrow cocks as she reads the card. “Huh, I got a dare and it’s says, ‘Sit in a boys lap who isn’t your partner for 2 rounds.’ Sorry Buck.” She smirks as she walks towards Steve. “I hope you don’t mind,” she sits on Steve’s laps and gets herself comfy. “Rules are rules.” She shrugs and you laugh and shrug. Steve looks anything but uncomfortable. You just roll your eyes and laugh. Nat continues to move around a little at a time, knowing exactly what she’s doing. Sam goes and his was a truth. He had to share what a perfect date would look like. “And then we’d end it back at my place,” he looks at Peggy. “What do you think of that?” She shrugs.

“Seems okay.” She focuses back on the others and Sam sighs and looks over at Bucky, who offers him a pat on the shoulder. It’s your turn and as you walk up everyone cheers you on, you do a little dance as you get closer and it has everyone in stitches and cheering even more.

“She’s got the moves!” Bucky yells as he smirks. You look back at him and wink.

“You ain’t seen nothing yet.” You flick your hair and seductively bend down to get a card. You know your ass looks good and you know Steve and Bucky are looking at it. Hell maybe even Sam. “It’s a dare-oh Lordy it’s a spicy one. ‘Make out with someone who isn’t your partner for at least 30 seconds.’ Hmmm decisions, decisions.” You look around at everyone and their hopeful faces. Steve pipes up.

“Come on Everly, take your pick. You should pick me no matter what the cards say.” He winks. You laugh and turn to face him.

“Just for that I should make out with Natasha while she’s still in your lap, just to tease you.”

“Please do that!” Sam almost yells.

“Oh god yes!” Jake exclaims.

“Don’t tease us!” Bucky warns

“I’m game if you are.” Natasha smirks. You giggle at all the reactions.

“I won’t do that, mainly because I am straight but also because I’m sure these boys would explode in their pants, and for real this time, right Jake?” You tease and he blushes while everyone else laughs. You throw him a wink and he smiles. “But I’ll give you this.” You walk over and gently peck Natasha’s lips. It’s over before it begins but it affects the boys all the same.

“Shit,” Steve mumbles and you hear the other boys curse beneath their breaths too.

“Now onto the actual dare.” You turn your attention to Bucky. You walk over and move right between is legs. He is laid back casually as he watches you lean closer and closer. As you start to climb in his lap and straddle him his ‘cool vibrato’ breaks and you see his pupils dilate. His eyes flick from your lips to your eyes and then back to your lips. He moves his hands from the back of the bench and slowly moves them up your back, watching your eyes to see if it’s okay. You gently smirk, “this okay, Buck?” Without answering he crashes his lips to yours as you wrap your arms around his neck. He moves his hands to your head, threading his fingers in your hair. You move your hands around his shoulders and feel his chest rise and fall beneath your fingers as he nudges your lips with his tongue. Without a second thought you let him and he licks into your mouth, both of you completely lost to the moment. When you break apart you are gasping for air and your lips are a little swollen. Bucky’s pupils are blown wide and you can feel his heart pounding beneath your hands. Everyone is cheering and whistling as you two come back to earth, under his breath so no one else can hear him, Bucky says.

“Fireworks, absolute fireworks. You just lit up my world, Everly.” You blush and give his chest the slightest squeeze wanting him to know you feel the same way. You quickly climb off and walk back to Steve. You meet Natasha’s gaze and she gives you a knowing look as she passes by and smiles to reassure you that she would have done the same thing. You find your seat next to Steve and shyly look up at him.

“Hi,” you say and he lightly laughs.

“Hey,” there is the slightest bit of worry in his eyes and you reach out and squeeze his knee. “Wish that had been me.” Steve admits and you smile before you let your gaze fall to the ground and then back at Bucky. You turn back to Steve and whisper.

“There still plenty of time left in the game, I’m sure we will get a chance.” You kiss his cheek and he blushes and nods.

The rest of the game isn’t as exciting. Wanda does a little dance for Jake who absolutely loves it. Natasha shares about her threesome experience. Sam has a dare that makes him get close and personal with Peggy who doesn’t hate it but definitely doesn’t love it. The whole time Peggy has her eyes on you. You Ignored her sighs as you settled next to Steve. Even when Bucky and Steve went again and chose you to carry out their dares with. One was to dance with you and the other was to make direct eye contact with you for a full minute. Bucky’s eyes are incredibly beautiful and you didn’t have any issues. Steve knows just how to move and he got your blood pumping towards the end. The whole time Peggy sat there, tight lipped and looking at you like you had killed her dog. When it’s her turn she stands up and grabs her card. “It’s a dare, ‘Kiss your partner until the other islands say stop.’ Well, I-”she looks at Sam and then back at everyone else. She doesn’t speak she just makes a b-line to Steve grabs his face and plants a big kiss on him. And Steve makes the mistakes of going along, his hands along her body and kissing her back.

“Whoa?!” Yells Sam.

“The card said your partner, Peggy! Steve?!” You exclaim, jumping up from where you are sitting. Natasha and Bucky walks towards the scene right as Peggy steps away. She gives a smug grin to you all.

“I know what my card said. I also know what I wanted. I’m fine with breaking the rules to get what I want.” She saunters back over to Sam who stands up and walks to the other side of the fire pit. Steve stands there shocked, with his hair messed up and red lipstick all over his lips. He looks down at you and sees the hurt in your eyes.

“Everly, I’m sorry. But it’s part of the game.” Before you could speak Natasha is standing up for you.

“No me sitting on your lap or Everly making out with Bucky was a part of the game. You helping Peggy break the rules and obviously enjoying it while doing it, that isn’t a part of the game.” You look at Peggy and her smug look, all you want to do is cry. You don’t know why, you just met Steve and it’s not that deep or special, but it’s something about the way Peggy looks at you and seemed to hate you from the moment you met. A text interrupts your thoughts. Sam speaks up.

“It’s mine.”

*Islanders, the game is over. The dates tonight are as follows.*

“Anyone have a text yet?” Jake asks. His phone dings, “oh I do!” He reads it out. “Jake and Wanda. We got a date!” Wanda smiles and kisses his cheek. Sam’s phone dings.

“Let’s get this over with,” he reads it and his eyebrows raise. “Sam and Natasha.” He looks at Natasha and she gives him a flirty wave and wink. “Well, alright.” Sam’s mood looks like it’s improved quite a bit. Steve’s phone dings.

“Steve and-“ he stops and looks up at you and gives you a sorrowful look. “And Peggy.” Your heart sinks and Peggy jumps up and comes to sit on the other side of Steve. You wait and wait and no text comes. Jake gets another one.

*Islanders, those are all the dates. Please head to the room to get ready. #Dates #loveisintheair

You try not to cry, it shouldn’t hurt but it does. In the shows eyes you didn’t have chemistry enough with anyone not Steve and not even Bucky. You feel sick to your stomach and can’t meet anyone’s gaze. Steve tries to talk to you but you just pull away because you can’t let him see you cry. Right before your voice breaks you croak out a, “go have fun, find me when you get back.” And with a kiss on the cheek you disappear to hide until they are gone. You sit up on the terrace and wait to hear their voices drift away as they all leave through the front door, the cars staring and driving away, leaving behind only the sounds of the ocean and your quiet sobs. Sitting there watching the sun set you remember that 1) you need to eat and 2) you aren’t here alone. So you make your way to the kitchen to whip up dinner and then you go to find Bucky. He’s sitting by the pool with his legs dangling in the water. He hears you walking up and he turns around to look at you before he waves you closer.

“Come join me, Evie.” You smile at the sweet nickname he just gave you.

“Thanks, Buck.” You offer back and he lightly laughs. Leaning back on his hands and watching as you sit next to him.

“Well, no matter what that dumbass game says, I think we had some pretty fire chemistry, don’t you?” He says, trying to lighten the mood. You give a sad smile and nod. Bucky sits up and nudges your shoulder. “Hey, talk to me. What’s going on?” You shake your head, “Look I know Steve can be a dreamy guy,” you laugh and wipe a tear away. “But even he isn’t good enough to have a beautiful girl like yourself crying over him.” You sigh and wipe away more tears.

“It’s not that, I umm-“ you take a deep breath and look at Bucky. You can tell he is trustworthy and kind, the way his eyes dance over you and not in a sexual way but in a protective and caring way. “I had a boyfriend, we broke up back in December because he was cheating on me. I found him with the women in our bed.” You can feel Bucky straighten up next to you, he puts his hands in his lap and you can tell he is squeezing his hands together. The thought of another man hurting you that way makes him angry, and that is incredibly comforting. “I thought I heard something so I stood by the door and waited. I heard a women say, ‘I know and I don’t care.’ Amongst other things. So, I walked in while they were in the throws, I wanted to make sure he saw me as I walked to the bedside table and grabbed my charger and bags before I glanced at her and then just stormed out.” Bucky puts an arm around you and rubs your shoulder before he leans in and kisses your head.

“I’m so sorry, Evie.” Bucky whispers against your skin.

“So Peggy swooping in and stealing Steve and Steve just going along with it,” you look up at Bucky, “well it opened up some old wounds.” You sigh again, “and I know that’s how this show goes and I know we’ve known each other for not even a day but it still hurt, you know?” Bucky nods.

“Yeah, I do.” Bucky looks at your lips and then back at your eyes. “I’m sorry he made you cry and I’m sorry Steve did too.” He leans in closer. “No man should ever make such a sweet, beautiful girl like you, cry.” And right when you think he’s gonna kiss you, he lifts up and kisses your forehead. A sweet and very kind gesture. “Well since we have this place to ourselves, let’s get to know one another, huh? No more tears unless they are from laughing too hard.” Bucky suggests and you agree.

“You’re right! Even if we apparently had the worst chemistry of the entire bunch, we can still have fun!” You laugh and so does Bucky. He shakes his head.

“Nah, we had chemistry, I think they did that for dramatic effect. And it worked. But now we are here, by ourselves for hours.” He smiles and raises his eyebrows and suggestively. “Whatever shall we do?!” You smirk and lean in really close, close enough to almost kiss him but you don’t.

“We should,” you say slowly. And Bucky nods.

“Yeah?” Bucky asks.

“Totally stake claim on the good beds and eat the best ice cream before those losers get a chance.” You giggle and Bucky nods.

“You read my mind!” He laughs and stands up, pulling you up with him. “Let’s go!” Dashing off to the kitchen you eat the dinner you made and talk about your jobs. “I love what I do and it pays well. But there’s just something about building something from scratch- something about creating that is its own kind of therapy, you know?” You agree and just smile and listen as Bucky goes on about the business he has. “So you work with Veterans?” You nod and sit back, pushing away your empty plate.

“Yeah, a lot of men and women who have lost limbs or have gone through some type of trauma that affects their mobility.” You look at Bucky as he nods and finishes his last bite. You bite your lip, trying to decide if you should ask about his injury or not. If working with Vets has taught you anything it’s that you don’t just casually bring up things that could trigger their PTSD. Bucky looks up at you and he can tell what you’re debating in your head. He smiles and sits back.

“You can ask, I can handle it.” You gently smile and sit forward.

“What happened? What was your official injury?” Bucky takes a drink of water and then sits forward to meet you halfway across the table.

“Roadside IED. Humvee hit it while we were making our rounds. It wasn’t there earlier that day but it was that afternoon. I’m a sniper, well was a sniper, so I was sitting in the nest on top on the car. We hit the bomb and I went flying, as did the car. I woke up and my left arm was hanging on by the bone and only the bone. There was also a large part of the Humvee keeping me pinned. I was in and out so I don’t know how long I was there but I know Steve was the one who saved me.”

“Really?” You ask, trying to control the emotion in your voice. Bucky nods.

“He was back at base and when we didn’t check in they sent out the search team. Knowing I was out there Steve demanded to be a part of it.” Bucky laughs. “He found me and damn near tore every muscle in his arms trying to lift that piece of Humvee off me. He saved me and got me back to base. From there we I was stabilized and sent home. It’s only a miracle that they saved my arm.”

“You have full range of motion and sensations?” Bucky smiles and looks down at his empty plate and then back up at you.

“If you’re asking as a professional? Yes, I can move and feel everything and I have my regular check ups to make sure there is no late onset nerve damage.” His tongue darts out quickly wetting his bottom lip, “if you asking as the woman I’m trying to win the heart of? Yes, I can pick you up carry you upstairs and feel every inch of your body if you’d let me.” Your heartbeat quickens and your eyes flicker to his lips and then meet his gaze again. He smirks and then sits back as you quickly regain your composure. You blush and get up to grab the ice cream.

🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩

“You like mint?!?” You exclaim as Bucky takes a bite. He laughs and defends his choice.

“Not exclusively but maybe I’m just wanting to freshen my breath in case you wanna repeat our dare from earlier. Or make me prove that my range of motion and sensations are fully intact!” You giggle and run away from him as he chases you, trying to kiss you. You run to the pool and one thing led to another as you both go crashing in. You emerge gasping for air and laughing so hard as Bucky pulls you closer. Your laughter dies down as you gaze into each others eyes, growing closer and closer as he backs you up against the pool wall, taking your face in his hands and leaning in. Right as your lips are about to meet, your phone dings. Coming back to your senses you climb out and grab your phone reading the text.

*Everly and Bucky, you guessed correctly. You two had the most chemistry out of all 4 couples and we thought you deserved some private time while the others enjoyed their group date. But the privacy is almost over as the other islanders are on their way back. #Sparkswereflying #recouplinganyone?*

You look back at Bucky and he walks closer to you. Taking your face in his hands. “Well now I won’t feel bad about doing this,” he kisses you as his hands dance across your skin and your arms wrap around his neck. He moans into the kiss as your bodies move closer and you gasp as he bites your bottom lip before soothing it with another kiss. When you pull apart you stare into each other’s eyes and know that this summer is only about to get more interesting. Bucky moves back in but you stop him.

“I can’t- I know Steve and I aren’t exclusive but- I chose him, Bucky. I have to try, please understand.” Bucky sighs as he takes your hand.

“He’s on another date as we speak.” Bucky says.

“And technically so am I. How do you think he will feel when he finds out we got a private date, away from prying eyes.” Bucky sighs again and shakes his head.

“Okay, fine but you can’t deny what we have, Everly.” He pulls you closer and brushes your wet hair away from your face. “And I’m not giving up, I’ll be here. Natasha is great and I’d probably fall for her if you weren’t here but I meant what I said after that dare.” Your breath catches, it’s the first day, could you really have found it all on day one? “You lit up my world, Evie. And I’ll go about this however you need it. But I’m not giving up.” You let out a shakey breath and pull him into one last kiss before pulling apart and putting some space between you two just as the front door opens and the three couples come walking inside, loud as ever.

“Hey! What did you two get up to?!” Natasha yells as she motions to your soaking wet clothes. Steve walks closer and eyes you two intensely. You both laugh and play it off pretty well.

“Oh, well we were having a debate over which ice cream was better and it got heated and Bucky chased me and made me fall in the pool. I made him jump in too as pay back for ruining this perfect outfit.” You give Bucky a playful shove and he picks you up and hauls you over his shoulder, ready to throw you in again.

“You wanna go in again?!” He teases and you yell and try to wiggle free. He tickles your sides. “I don’t know, what do you think Steve?!” Steve laughs.

“Okay Buck, put her down. I think you’ve tortured her enough tonight.” Steve walks closer and pulls you into his arms and kisses your forehead. You feel Peggy’s glare bore into your back as Steve ushers you away. You look back and see Bucky watch you walk away with Steve. Nat and Wanda come up to comfort him and usher him towards the kitchen. “So how was your time here?” Steve asks once you get settled on the day beds.

“Good, got to know Bucky a little bit. Can see why you two have been friends for so long.” Steve nods. “He also told me the story about his arm.” Steve sighs and squeezes your hand.

“Yeah that was a scary time. But thanks to people like you,” he kisses your hand. “He is back to his old self.” Steve looks down at you and his eyes flick to your lips. “Man I really want to kiss you right now.” Your heartbeat quickens.

“You do?” You ask, a little unsure. Steve nods and closes the distance between both of you. Your lips crash to his and he slips his hand behind your head. He pulls you closer and you feel your cheeks starting to heat up. He pulls away too soon and rubs his thumb across your cheek.

“Wow, now that was worth the wait.” You blush and curl up next to him as you gaze at the stars.

“So how was your date?” You feel Steve shift and tense up. He clears his throat and you sit up to look at him.

“Well I want to be honest with you,” he hesitates, “Peggy kissed me and I didn’t exactly stop her.” That angers you more than it should and you don’t know why. Especially considering what you and Bucky got up to.

“I really like and care about you but I’d be lying if I said Peggy didn’t turn my head a little.” You sit back and create some distance. “I’m sorry, Everly. I just want to be honest.” You nod and sigh.

“No I appreciate that. And I guess I should be too.” You take a breath. “Bucky and I kissed while everyone was gone. We got to talking and flirting, we had a heart to heart because I was sad after yall left and well we kissed.” You meet Steve’s gaze and he seems a little upset but about as much as you were at his news about Peggy. He then sighs and leans his head back.

“Was your head turned?” Steve asks and musters up the courage to look at you.

“A little, yeah. But I told him that I chose you and I wanted to see where things go- if there is anything here, you know?” You explain and Steve nods.

“Yeah I get that.” He takes your hand. “Thank you for being honest.” You gently smile and kiss his cheek.

“Always,”

“Good to know. So are you gonna tell me why you were upset?” Steve asks as You lean back and stare at the stars.

“Just something earlier today reminded me of my ex who cheated on me. It made me more emotional than it should have. Not sure why though,” you shrug it off. “Anyway, Bucky helped and talked me through it.” You smile at the sky and Steve catches the fondness that washes over your face as you think of Bucky. He wished it didn’t hurt.

“Well I’m glad, Bucky is a great man.” Steve says as he pulls your attention back to him. “So are we all in until a recoupling potentially pulls us apart?” You smile and look at Steve, you see Bucky over his shoulder and he seems to walking your way. He gets there before you could answer Steve.

“Hey! A couple of us are gonna have a late night swim.” His gaze dances over you. “You two wanna join?” You look at Steve and you can tell he’d much rather talk but something in your eyes must have told him differently because he looks a little sad and then answers for the both of you.

“Sure!”

You are getting changed into a bathing suit as you hear two people in the bedroom.

“Did you tell her?!”

“No! Why would I?!”

“Because-“ you accidentally knock over a can of hairspray and it clangs loudly. The people who were talking quickly rush out of the room before you can see who they were. Thinking nothing of it you head down to the pool where the party seems to be in full swing.

“Oh there she is!!” Bucky cheers and whistles.“The party has arrived! Everyone Evie can do an excellent cannonball, saw it myself.” Bucky teases about earlier. You walk over and he knows what’s about to happen and he accepts his fate as you push on his chest and he backflops into the pool. You laugh and jump in after him. Natasha swims over and gives you a look that tells you, she knows everything.

“So a little birdy told me that had we been gone longer then we might have needed to treat this pool.” You blush and shake your head.

“No, nothing like that was gonna happen.”

“But something did.” She smirks. She sees your guilty face. “Oh that face better not be for me, because Bucky is hot, I’ll give you that but I’m not feeling it. So you are not stepping on my toes.” You sigh out of relief.

“I told Steve that my head may have turned.” You admit. Natasha hums.

“And how did he take it?” She asks.

“Pretty well. Said his might have too. But we still wanted to try while we are together.” You say and Natasha nods.

“So where is he?” You look around realizing he isn’t there. “He should be here with you, in the pool, grinding all over each other in the water.” You laugh and look around again.

“I actually don’t know where he is.” You go to climb out. “I’m gonna go see if I can find him.”

You grab a towel and head to the day beds and what you find as you get closer makes your blood boil and your heart breaks. Peggy is straddling Steve and making out with him while she moves his hands over her body. You hear Steve trying to get her to stop, to slow down, telling her that he is with you and that he likes you. “I’m with Everly, I like her-“ but she’s not listening, not respecting his wishes. You are speechless and then you hear her say it, “I know, and I don’t care. Touch me.”

It all comes back to you, standing in the hallway of your own apartment as Colin fucks some girl in the bed you share. “You know this will never go anywhere. I love Everly.” Her laugh and response, “I know, and I don’t care. Touch me.” You storm in to grab your stuff and you see her brown curls draped over your pillow and her legs around your boyfriend. Peggy was the women who fucked your boyfriend.

“YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!”

Next

A/N: So I don’t like Peggy is you couldn’t tell 🤭. Also I know Colin is actually a sweetheart but let’s just say this was during his fuck boy phase. 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Taglist: @hisredheadedgoddess28 @cadencejames87 @jessieasher1616 @janineb86 @cjand10 @slytherinqueen4life @theinheriteddutchess @rainydayandmondays @georgiapeach30513 anyone else who wants to be tagged to contact me! 🥰

#sebastian stan #bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #chris evans #steve rogers #steve rogers smut #jake jensen #sam wilson #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff #bucky barns x reader #steve rogers x reader

[bumblesimagines]

i tried to keep feelings out of this. i really did.

that was the best night of my life.

- Bucky Barnes

that was the best night of my life.

i tried to keep feelings out of this. i really did.

Pronouns: They/Them/Theirs, GN!Reader

The sizzling of bacon sounded throughout the room, filling the kitchen and living room with the mouth-watering smell of food. You carefully scooped a fried egg up from the pan and set it down on one of the plates before reaching over with your free hand to turn the radio dial. Jazz music flowed from the radio and covered the sound of cooking, as well as the creak of your bedroom door opening and closing. 

"Smells good." A voice rumbled and cold metal grazed your forearm, delicately as always. A smile formed on your lips and you switched the stove off, sliding the last strips of bacon onto the plate before turning around and gazing into warm blue eyes. A sweet smile stretched out on his face, faintly nervous and shy. You'd been the first person he'd gotten with in many years, or so he'd told you that night before. He spoke briefly of his time in the military and how it'd affected him, and when a pained look passed over his features, you opted to change the topic and relieve him of those memories.

"Only the best for my favorite neighbor." You cooed and slipped your arms around his broad shoulders. His own muscular arms wrapped loosely around your waist and his eyes glittered with amusement. 

James Barnes, or Bucky as he preferred to be called, had been the most recent addition to your apartment complex. He'd moved months prior into the apartment just three doors down, and boy had he been a sight for sore eyes. As much as you loved your elderly neighbors with their endless supply of stories and gossip, a younger and much fresher face had been exactly what you needed to see when coming home from long work days.

You didn't see much of him the first couple of weeks, only hearing the muffled sound of his footsteps leading up to his apartment until you ran into him in the hallway one day while trying to haul one too many grocery bags up the stairs. He'd regarded you with a stiff nod and eyed the grocery bags digging into your arms before asking if you needed any help and easily taking all the bags into his hands without even straining a muscle. 

From then on, you bumped into him more frequently, almost as if he lingered near the entrance of the complex or by the stairs in hopes of catching you. The first few days he'd been quiet, keeping his typically quick pace down and only sneaking minimum glances in your direction. On the fourth day, you began telling him about your day, about customers and coworkers, and any piece of work gossip that seemed worth sharing with the brooding man. By the sixth day, he started commenting, making jokes, and sharing his opinion on the drama you shared. 

A friendship blossomed fairly quickly, and the day he smiled and laughed for the first time had been all you could think about the following week. You grew to learn there was a sassy sweetheart underneath his serious and stern exterior, and that his laugh sounded like a kid experiencing joy for the first time. He enjoyed making himself useful whether it was tagging along on grocery trips, becoming your handyman when something went wrong in the apartment, or simply keeping you entertained with all the facts he happened to know about the 1900s. Sometimes it almost felt as if he'd been alive during those times with how he spoke of stories he claimed to have heard from an old friend named Steve.

"I had a good time," Bucky murmured and bumped his nose against yours sweetly, eyes crinkling when his smile widened. "That was the best night of my life."

"Oh, please," You scoffed, feeling your cheeks light ablaze at his genuine words and trying to turn away but his arms pulled you back into his chest. A laugh rumbled in his chest and he pushed his face into your neck, the stubble on his cheeks rubbing lightly against your skin as he peppered you with soft kisses. His hold on you tightened briefly and when he took in a deep breath as he leaned back, your bashfulness faded into concern. His hands moved to cup your hips and his gaze flickered around the tiled floor before lifting to make eye contact. The tips of his ears turned a soft pink but the expression on his face remained unreadable.

"I.. I tried to keep feelings out of this. I really did. I'm not the ideal partner and I'm still working on some things but... I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me sometime?"

#x reader #x you #x y/n #x male reader #x female reader #x gender neutral reader #marvel x reader #marvel x you #marvel x y/n #marvel x male reader #marvel x female reader #marvel x gender neutral reader #bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x gender neutral reader #winter soldier

[moonydustx]

Love me

masterlist | requests here

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Summary: a sudden breakup leaves you questioning what could have happened to Bucky, until you discover he just wanted to keep you safe.

Warnings: a little angst, drama, smut ( p in v, f receiving oral, dirty talk) A lot of tears, but with a happy ending. If I left something out, just let me know.

WC: ~ 3k

A/N: Just an excuse to write about make-up sex with Bucky. No beta, sorry for possible errors as English is not my first language. Also, I'm not used to writing smut, but I hope you like it.

Requests here!

"You need to leave." Bucky asked, without even looking you in the eye.

"What does that mean Buck, did something happen?" you tried to touch him, but Bucky dodged your hands. "What is happening?"

"This mission made me think of many things..." he sat in the kitchen chair, Alpine didn't take long to pass between his legs, waiting for a caress. "I wasn't made for this life, for this." he pointed to the small space between you two.

"Wait, what do you mean?" your voice was already trembling when trying to at least understand what was happening. "Are you breaking up with me? Buck, two days ago everything was perfect, what happened? Please, I need you to explain."

"I already told you, I just..." for a second he looked at your face. The thick tears that ran down your cheeks made him feel his own throat close. He would have a few more reasons to hate himself after that. "I can not do this anymore."

"Is this your best explanation?" you charged and he just shrugged.

The noise of your engagement ring hitting the kitchen table bothered him, but not as much as seeing you walk out the living room door without even looking back. For the first time in a while, it was his turn to allow tears to flood his face.

One month, thirteen days and a few hours.

Maybe it wasn't the healthiest thing in the world to count the dates of the last time you saw your ex, the fateful day he kicked your ass.

You wish you were one of those people that you get over easily, or at least pretend to be by posting happy pictures on social media, but that wouldn't be you.

Your type was more to isolate yourself and drown in your own sorrows, which was also not possible due to work. You had to put on your best social mask and move on, even if you still didn't believe a word Bucky had said.

"Chef, there's a visitor for you." Tyler, one of your employees, caught your eye.

Before he even speaks, you can feel him watching you. Everyone there knew something was wrong.

"How urgent?" you ask with zero atention.

"It's an avenger, so I assume this is the most urgent we've ever had at this restaurant."

The knife in your hand fell onto the board, a chill running through your body. If it was Bucky, Tyler would have told you, after all, your ex-boyfriend had already spent a lot of nights accompanying you to the restaurant. Could be news about him, maybe not good stuff.

"Annya, can you take over for me?" you asked, hearing a "Yes, chef!" by far.

Your mind ran through different scenarios, the vast majority without a happy ending, while you took off your tame and cap.

The weight on your shoulders disappeared when you saw Sam smiling, waiting for you at one of the tables. As soon as he got to his feet, you hugged him.

"I thought I wouldn't have the privilege of seeing the head chef."

"Consider yourself privileged then, because tonight promises." you settled into the chair across from him. Despite the smiles and the mild climate, something told you that there was something more. "So, you came to try the new meat."

"No, not today, but I'm still trying. I'm here to talk about Bucky."

"Did something happen?" your heart immediately sped up, all those fears coming back like a flood.

"It's all right with him." Sam reassured you, noticing your posture change at the time. "I have some information and to be honest I can't stand to see him suffer over it any longer."

"Suffer for what?"

"You, what else would it be?"

"Sam, he chose to leave me. It still hurts, but there's nothing you can do about it." you explained, seeing him nod. "But if there's anything I can help you."

"I'd rather tell you and then you choose what to do. On the last mission, some personal information was leaked. About the team, about Sarah, the boys, you."

"Exactly what about me?"

"About you and Bucky, they used that to try and coerce him, that's what made him choose to walk away from you." he handed you a cell phone.

On the screen, a photo of you and Bucky leaving the restaurant at night, another of the two of you running together, another of you in a coffee shop.

"Who got this? I-I... Are we in danger?" you looked around for suspects, for cameras trained on the two of you, but found only people engrossed in their own conversations. "Who made this?"

"It does not matter now."

"How does it not matter?"

"Bucky sorted it out and whoever it is, they won't be bothering you anymore." Shit. Sam doesn't need to say more for you to understand what resolve means. "I'm only telling you this because I know you still like him."

"It takes two to make a relationship, at the very least." you responded right away.

"Just think, wouldn't someone who did all this thinking about protecting you love you?" Sam asked and laughed when he saw your confused face. "Oh man, you two deserve each other."

"Should I talk to him?"

"Well, he's in town, no plans for the next mission. Maybe you should." Sam shrugged and got to his feet. "Now that I've taken this weight off of me, I'll let you work, but I'll be back and you better cook the best steak I've ever had."

"Order noted." you said goodbye to him with a quick hug. "Thanks Sam."

"Don't thank me, I'm just doing my part as the future best man." he winked, eliciting a laugh from you and then left.

The evening at the restaurant, despite being full, seemed to take forever to pass. Amidst the food, your head wandered over the images you'd seen, what Sam had said.

It was past midnight when you got home. You took a hot shower, somehow trying to calm your mind, but that wasn't enough. Before putting on your pajamas, you thought a little more. You couldn't miss that opportunity, even if it was to close that chapter of your life. You got dressed and headed towards Bucky's apartment.

Your legs made you walk from side to side, restless in front of the door, your mind bubbled with possible excuses for a visit during the night. You knocked a few times and got no response, but you couldn't just walk away.

The keys you still had danced between your trembling fingers before they even reached the lock. Upon opening the door, you can see Alpine look up curiously, immediately jumping off the couch and going to tangle at your feet.

"Hello for you too!" you bent down, feeling the soft white hairs by your hand.

The door behind you closed by itself, giving you only the trouble to lock it again. The small apartment seemed untouched since the last time you were there, you took off your three shoes, leaving them next to Bucky's boots, an old habit.

The same brown cushions as the Alpine ration in the same corner. Your photo still next to the TV. If you closed your eyes, you could remember the day that picture was taken, your nervous laughter being on a Ferris wheel and Bucky's arms around your waist.

You've heard Bucky before you've even seen him in full. The murmurs came from the side of the sofa, and as you feared to find him, he was lying on the floor, only a pillow and a sheet protecting his body from the cold floor. He was muttering something incomprehensible, even from a distance you could see the sweat gather on his face.

Trying to get closer without scaring him, you knelt beside where he was lying, Alpine climbed on the arm of the sofa, carefully following your every move.

"Buck?" you called him in a whisper, not having much effect. This time, you chose to touch his shoulder, shaking it slightly, the nickname involuntarily falling from your lips. "Babe?"

As if out of breath, Bucky sat up, catching all the apparently lost breath. It took a few seconds for his blue irises to meet yours, trying to assimilate what was happening.

"Am I still dreaming?" he muttered to himself, it was only when he felt your hand take his that he seemed to realize reality. "You are here?"

"Yes." you replied, settling into a sitting position.

For a few seconds, you chose to just watch him. The disheveled hair and beard had been undone for some time, a little longer than usual. Next to his military dog ​​tag, hung the ring you wore. Regret took over your body for leaving behind.

"Are you well?" his husky voice interrupted you from daydreaming about the two of you's recent past. Trying to push those thoughts away, you just shook your head and tried to do your best on your own, but you already knew him to know that wouldn't convince him.

"I should be asking that. Was I having a nightmare?"

"Yes... I couldn't sleep and in the little time I could, some demons decided to take the time to disturb me." just as you had, he smiled and just like him, you knew that all was not well. "What are you doing here?"

"Needed to see you." your hand that clung to him let go, busy pinching your own hand nervously. "I've been talking to Sam."

"I don't know what he told you, but I can guarantee..."

"Please let me speak." you cut him off, afraid he would ask you to go again. "I know about the threats, I know about everything and I wonder what your head must be like. But what I want you to understand is that I'm okay with it."

"You do not understand."

"You can help me with this. It may sound silly, but, I don't know, I can learn to defend myself, I can spend more time around you. I just don't accept that our story ends like this, for fear of something that still it didn't even happen. I want to try, I want to stay!" you had to pull yourself together after dumping everything on him.

It could just be your impression, or maybe just the street light streaming in through the window, but you could have sworn his eyes were teary.

His hands pulled yours to lock around the back of his neck. In a rush of courage, you crossed your legs over his, settling in his lap. His hands slid down your back, locking onto your waist.

"Say you don't want me, that you don't love me anymore and I'm gone." you whispered and he immediately denied it.

"They said your name, they talked about you, about us and I didn't know how to react." he closed his eyes for a moment, sighing as he felt your fingers tangle in his hair. "I don't think I've ever felt that… that fear. I thought it would be easier to walk away than stick around and let them hurt you. But shit, it hurt. It still hurts not to have you around."

"If you want, I can stay away, just ask, I understand. I just need you to be honest." His hands, previously tied around your waist, went up to your face, wiping away a few tears. "Now if I stay, we'll get through this together. Please..." your voice came out a lot lower than you expected. "Ask me to stay, tell me you still love me."

Your current self was waiting for an answer, yearning to hear those damn three words. Your now self didn't have a shred of regret. If at any time you dared to rethink what had been said, that was left behind when you felt his lips on yours.

His right hand tangled in your hair, deepening his lips on you, while the other kept you attached to him, squeezing your waist. His tongue drew the roof of your mouth, such a good and familiar feeling. God, how you missed that.

"I love you." Bucky's voice murmured, moving just a few millimeters from your lips. "I love you." he stole another kiss, this time even more intense. "I love you, every bit, every part." the kisses began to go down the back of your neck, reaching that part that shivered your entire body.

"Bucky, please."

"Let me love every piece of you, please doll." he asked, letting his tongue run up to the edge of your ear. "Fuck, let me show you that I haven't stopped loving you for a second."

"You have no idea how much I've missed you babe." you whispered, pressing your still covered intimacy against him.

Heat was starting to build up in your core, making it impossible to think. His lips pulled away from yours, only for in a single thrust, he'd jump to his feet and keep you locked in his arms. It didn't take long for you to feel your body against the soft fabric of the bed. Bucky took a little time to admire you, there again. The red eyes, the shy smile that was still there, even after so long.

"I missed you so much, here, in my bed, being all mine" his eyes asked permission to continue and a slight nod was enough for your pants and your blouse to find the bedroom floor.

His metallic hand ran over your shoulder, gently removing your bra, with each new piece of skin uncovered, you felt his lips deposit quick kisses, the urgency to be able to feel each piece of yours.

"Do not tease me." you asked when his lips touched your nipple. The tongue circling the protruding point, eliciting a timid groan from you.

"You are so sensitive, so good." the wet kisses descended towards your intimacy, touching with the lips the thin and humid fabric that prevented it from going exactly where you wanted.

You even tried to fight back, but even strangled, Bucky could hear you.

"Don't hold back, babe." he pulled the fabric off, tossing it along with the pile of clothes on the floor. Distracted lips, sliding down your thigh. "Let me hear you."

"It's dawn Buck, I don't want them to think... Fuck!" his tongue went straight to your clitoris, eliciting a muffled scream.

"What you saying." he pulled back a little, just to admire her intimacy. "All this for me?"

"It's how I missed you." Bucky dove into your intimacy, sucking your spot.

You could already feel your body about to boil. His tongue slowly circling your clit, while one of his fingers slowly entered your pussy, soon becoming two.

Sweet nothings came out of your lips, begging for something you didn't even recognize and it didn't take long for your vision to become blurred when you felt his tongue being replaced by the vibranium hand, the fingers cold as snow in contact with your clit were more than enough to reach your peak.

"Don't stop, please, please Bucky!"

"Give it to me honey, I know you want to come for me."

For a few seconds, amid an almost hoarse scream, your previously blurred vision disappeared for good. Your legs were shaking as you felt him settle between them. The lips still wet from your juice slid down your cheek, making you blink slowly.

"Still with me doll?"

"Yeah babe." you took his lips, tasting your own and giving him the freedom he needed to enter you.

He thrust slowly, Bucky's face hid in your neck as he moaned low, murmuring sweet nothings to you. So tight love. How I missed this pussy, made for me. You are mine, all mine.

The speed gradually increased, the headboard of the bed knocked insistently against the wall and you just hoped that the neighbors had a heavy sleep.

"Love, I can't hold it anymore." his hand went down to your clit, circling the most sensitive spot on your body. "I can sense that you can't either."

"Just like that Bucky, keep fucking like that." you begged, feeling the heat take over your body again.

"Come with me my angel. I can feel you tighten around me, give me one more, just one more."

The moans of both of you came out in unison and leaving you on the verge of an orgasm, it was only necessary to feel his hot liquid invade you to reach your own peak.

Bucky stayed in there for a few seconds, until he got out of you and turned you on top of him, hugging you tight and sticking his nose through your hair. Your scent was intoxicating, your body against his made him feel again that that cold apartment was home.

"You forgive me?" the hesitant tone of his voice caught your attention.

"Nothing to forgive" you settled on his chest. "Just promise never to leave me for that again?"

He gently pulled your face, making you look into his blue eyes. "I'll never, never leave you again, that's the easiest promise I've ever made in my life."

"I love you Buck."

"I love you more my angel." you snuggled into his chest and little by little your eyes grew heavy, his hands sliding on your back, in a comfortable silence.

The last thing she heard before falling asleep was an indignant tone in his voice.

"Wait, do you really want to learn how to fight?"

#fiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #reader insert #bucky x you #no use of y/n #sebastian stan #sam wilson

[dd-is-my-guiltypleasure]

Everyone’s gone UFO crazy. Maybe The X-Files should come back

Chrissy Iley

MARCH 2, 2024

Starring in a poignant new film adapted from his own novel, David Duchovny reveals the heartache of almost losing his daughter... and why his most famous show could yet return

No wonder David Duchovny has written, directed and stars in his latest movie Bucky F***ing Dent... it’s based on his own bestselling 2016 novel of the same name. Poignant and funny, it examines a father-son relationship via baseball, with X-Files star David playing Marty the dad, who’s dying of lung cancer, and Logan Marshall-Green from Spider-Man: Homecoming as his estranged son Ted.

The real Bucky Dent went down in history for scoring an unlikely home run for the New York Yankees in a 1978 tie-breaker against arch rivals the Boston Red Sox, and the film’s title is how generations of Boston fans have referred to him ever since, a metaphor for heartbreak. Set in that same year, the film follows struggling writer Ted as he moves back into his childhood home when he hears his father is dying, prompting a whirlwind of dark revelations from the past. Meanwhile, Boston fan Marty’s health dips whenever his beloved Red Sox lose, so New York fan Ted orchestrates the illusion of a Boston winning streak...

Marty has transferred his feelings for an old flame (the secret love of his life, not his wife) to the Red Sox. ‘The intensity of fandom has always puzzled me,’ says David. ‘It has to be a kind of sublimation. My father and I liked playing baseball; my best childhood memory is playing it with him and enjoying the simple communication you can have through a game, but we didn’t share the fandom thing.

‘Marty’s transposed his feelings for this woman to the Red Sox, and the movie is really about the idea of losing. In America there’s a sick addiction to winning and winners, but most of us have to lose every day. Suffering makes us human - it unites us all.’

There’s a moment in the film when Marty is talking about a chest infection that almost killed Ted as a child. Marty says he begged God or whoever to take his lungs instead and let Ted live. ‘One thing I’ve never told anyone is that when my daughter was nine months old she got really ill,’ reveals David. ‘Her mother [actress Tea Leoni] and I had to face the fact we might lose her and I remember feeling so devastated, I didn’t think I could love anything again if she died.’

His daughter West, now 24, has since become a successful actress who seems to have inherited her mother’s stunning blonde looks and her father’s charisma. ‘I think she has a greater passion for acting than either of her parents ever did,’ he says. They also have a son Kyd, 21, and David says the hardest moment of his life was telling them he and Tea were divorcing ten years ago, as his own parents had done when he was 12. ‘It was far worse telling them than actually experiencing it. When you’re a child you just try to get through it, you don’t feel responsible. As a parent I felt at least 50 per cent responsible.’

Tall and thin with good skin and an easy charm, David seems untouched by the ageing process, although this role is a huge shift from the Lotharios he usually plays, such as bed-hopping writer Hank in comedy-drama series Californication. Does getting older bother him? ‘Of course, and as an actor you have to think of the different roles you’ll be offered. When I was writing this script I was thinking I’d play Ted, the son. We tried to make it four or five years ago and I was still going to play Ted, but then when it came to doing it I realised it just wouldn’t work, so I thought I’d play Marty. And that was exciting because it was very different.’

Californication won two Emmys and a Golden Globe, but was notorious for its portrayal of LA’s seedier side. Does he think it could be made now? ‘Certainly they would insist on intimacy coaches, but I don’t think it would be made now, for the wrong reasons. There was a misunderstanding about what it was about. It was meant to be funny, and it was meant to be about family and love. But what everybody got excited about was not that,’ he says, referring to the furore over the sex scenes. ‘In my mind the show was misperceived.’

Another of David’s roles that would spark a row today was a transgender FBI agent in Twin Peaks in the early 90s, when almost no transgender women were on TV. Again it was groundbreaking. ‘But if you’re playing a murderer no one asks you, “Have you murdered people?”’ he says. ‘It was just being an actor.’

David is, of course, best known for The X-Files, in which he played UFO-obsessed FBI agent Mulder opposite Gillian Anderson’s sceptical Scully. The series finally bowed out in 2018 after 11 series, but could there ever be another? ‘Maybe - it might even be more current now,’ he says, referring to the recent release of top-secret UFO files in the US. ‘I’m not personally interested in UFOs so it doesn’t make it more exciting for me to revisit The X-Files. It was a role I played but I wasn’t passionate about the subject. Maybe I’m the only one who isn’t.’

There was a brouhaha at the time about the huge pay discrepancy between David and Gillian, and I wonder if it would be difficult for him to work with her again. ‘As far as I know, by the end there was no difference at all between us, but Hollywood salaries are very weird,’ he says. ‘I’m going to London soon and I’ll see Gillian because she lives there now. I saw her in the West End doing All About Eve and I enjoyed it. She wished me luck with Bucky too.’

In recent years David has explored his passion for music, releasing a couple of folk-rock albums. So does he see himself as an actor, a director or a musician? ‘All of them, I’m an artist,’ he says. ‘I can filter stuff through a song, a novel, a performance or through directing. There are all kinds of ways of being an artist. I write best about dramatic things. There’s a way to deal with suffering to create art.’

Bucky F***ing Dent, Glasgow Film Festival, Wednesday. Visit glasgowfilm.org

#david duchovny #2024 #bucky F cking Dent #Glasgow Film Festival #txf #Gillian Anderson #Californication

[rowanyx]

So in the Adventuring Party, Brennan asked Beardsley whether there is a world in which Kristen gives up being a Cleric.

Mechanics-wise, I understand why the response was a no. That kind of big change would have a lot of restructuring to do, from the character sheet to minis to even plot changes, which would be difficult mid-season like this. (See Riz's sub-class change from Inquisitor to Arcane Trickster happening now, rather than when we actually met Pok)

Story-wise, though, I respectfully disagree. In fact, I posit there is many a world in which Kristen could change her class.

The big one, I think, would be Paladin. Especially either Redemption or Oathbreaker. After all, you could easily argue that this whole situation (i.e. Cassandra seeing Kristen not putting her priesthood first, dying, and the new mysterious voice that taunted the party with the rotting corpse of the god Kristen already failed) cumulates into exactly the type of description for an Oathbreaker (going back on their word and then joining up with some evil entity instead). And, well, after two gods dying, one you've very much stated to want to be good for but can't get yourself to do so, sounds very much like the type of person that would seek Redemption. If not for themselves, at least for others.

And this could also work to show sort of backslide into the Applebee's family drama. After all, we know Bucky just started as a Paladin himself. He's probably not high enough leveled to have a sub-class of his own, but doesn't Redemption fit? The kid who was forced into Kristen's old role, who is already going around trying to save his classmates from Hell? If Kristen did switch to Paladin, they would most likely share classes (something like Gorgug's Artificier track, school-wise). A perfect opportunity to flesh out the relationship there, either to save Bucky from Mac and Donna or have him 'save' Kristen.

Of course, these are just two of the easier paths to see.

Porter did want another Bad Kid in his classes, didn't he?

Maybe Kristen finds she desires a guide and becomes a Totem Warrior Barbarian.

Maybe Kristen decides that just because her parents suck, doesn't mean the whole bloodline did. This causes her to delve into old records and come out of it as a Path of the Ancestral Guardian Barbarian.

Another idea, given the Buff Kristen movement, is a Fighter. Especially the training and power describing a Champion or the fighting spirit of a Samurai, to lose so many gods and keep going.

Or maybe she finds the issue is the evangelizing. That she cannot dedicate herself to bringing others into her path, but still desiring a higher being to help her. There are many to make a Warlock Contract with. She's even living with one, technically, by way of Fig's Archdevil job.

You could even argue for an Eloquence Bard, with all the speeches and now the Presidency campaign.

Or hey, Cassandra was a moon goddess, wasn't she? Maybe even a Lunar Sorcerer.

Unlikely but theoretically possible, she's just desperate to fix something and takes up Artificing. After all, how different can a Battle Smith really be? It's still healing and protecting, right?

Or, let's revisit an old topic. At the top of the game, Kristen was called the Chosen One. We saw that title following her even after leaving Helio. Sol treated her kindly for it, she invented YES! and even reinvented it into YES?. An argument can even be made that that's part of why Cassandra was fixed so easily after clinging to her. But what is that? Where is that power from? Perhaps some new magic awakens in Kristen. That of a Divine Soul Sorcerer.

Just, Kristen, taking a hard look at religion and Clericdom and deciding maybe it wasn't right for her.

#dimension 20 #brennan lee mulligan #ally beardsley #kristen applebees #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fh meta #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #d20 fhjy #cassandra fantasy high #when he asked that question i got sent through the astral plane #thinking of all kinds of possibilities #and the flat no #the shutdown?? #what do you mean no????? #not a world? even one? #shaking crying screaming

[hogans-heroes]

Hi 😊 I was wondering if you had any headcanons about modern AU Buck and Bucky as pilots. What if they met at an air show? 😉 How would that go? What are they like?

Fam I love this concept so much but I STRUGGLED with this one! Mainly because I want to make Bucky a stunt pilot SOOO bad because he has exactly the personality to be doing insane stunts in something like an Extra 300 but those cockpits are TINY and really tall people don’t do well with aerobatics/G-forces without a g-suit so that’s not gonna work 😭

But that’s ok because I like my second idea even better: Bucky is on the Air Force F-35 Demo team and Gale is a ferry pilot who owns a Waco he flies for fun to shows around the country:

This is soooo perfect for them individually! F-35 pilots are the cream of the crop, absolute jet-jockeys and I’m really leaning into Top Gun AU territory which I loooove. Bucky is a larger than life personality with a callsign like Rambo or something and is known for being an excellent pilot and leader. He loves doing the craziest and hardest stunts for crowds at air shows all over the country and LIVES for the excitement and drama.

Gale enjoys the much more relaxed and nostalgic flying. The job ferry pilot is moving aircraft around the country for people who have bought or sold or just planes that need to be moved for whatever reason. It’s interesting and fun and Gale loves seeing the country. But his pride and joy is the Waco biplane he owns that is in pristine condition. He loves the open cockpit and feeling the wind and seeing the beautiful views at a slow pace. He flies it to air shows around the country and camps in the grass with his plane along with others doing the same thing.

At one of these shows he runs into Bucky and some after-show event, maybe one of his employers gets him invited. The F-35 pilots are there and of course no one can miss Bucky’s presence. When they are introduced they hit it off and get to talking, and of course Gale is smitten but tries to hide it. Isn’t everyone smitten with these hot-shots? Why would Bucky be interested? But when he shows Bucky photos of his Waco Bucky is OBSESSED and begs to see it. It’s already dark so it’s easy to sneak out of the event tent and out to Gale’s plane. Bucky listens as Gale talks about his baby and is slowly melting in the face of his sweetness. They end up talking into the night and sitting on the grass under the wing to watch the night airshow and fireworks. (They might kiss, just maybe).

So what of it if Gale just so happens to show up at the events where Bucky is scheduled to perform? And so what if Bucky disappears to Wyoming on his time off? Pure coincidence. The first time Bucky gets a ride in the Waco he thought his heart would burst. It’s so beautiful and fun and Gale’s happy voice in his headset makes him want this forever.

[anki-of-beleriand]

A Heart Made of Glass ch.9

Summary: Ten years ago you left Wanda and the Avengers to heal your broken heart. You never stopped being a hero, just as you never stopped being in love with her. But life had to go on.

Now, after all that time, she is back and with her is a young woman needing help and an enemy that may not be as afraid as Wanda to lay a claim on you.

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x Powered!F!Reader - Scarlet Witch x PoweredF!Reader - Past Wanda Maximoff x Vision - Powered!F!Reader x Carol Danvers

Warnings: Angst, drama, mentions of cheating, fluff, violence, smut, Switch!Reader, internalize homophobia, religious fanatisms, homopobia, hurt, comfort, Wanda being a complete mess, anger management issues, jealousy, Requited/Unrequited love, idiots in love, swearing, mentions of alcohol, violence, multiverse travelling. More tags as the story progess.

Author's Note: This story is a continuation of Dirty Little Secret I was really surprised at the response I got for the story, I did all the tags you guys ask for but if I forgot someone please do not hesitate to tell me. Thank you for the support.

I'm back!

And Carol Danvers is back as well. i'm sorry for the long delay, guys. But this chapter gave me some trouble before making some decisions as to where I wanted to take the story. I hope you like this new chapter, you will have action, flashbacks, and finally the worlds collide.

Remember that English is not my mother tongue so I apologise for the grammar, spelling and funny mistakes.

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 10

Chapter 9

The breaking of the storm

Three months ago – Stark Cabin - Fairburn, Georgia

It didn’t take her too long to locate the cabin.

She stood by the road for a very long time, debating with herself if it would be appropriated to approach the man living there. She was still wearing the clothes she wore to the funeral; the tears were still fresh on her face and the many memories in her mind were threatening to overwhelm her all over again.

The world had changed in the last five years she had been absent.

And yet, many things were still the same.

The service had been sweet, with a long sermon giving by an old priest that praised Steve for his courage and his life. Wanda had almost broken when the priest mentioned Bucky and how Steve’s love for him had made him stronger in the times of need. She listened as everything was revealed, as the lovers were uncovered in front of friends and family, and she realized right there and then everybody knew about it. And everybody accepted it, embraced it, and celebrated it.

“Sooner or later, Wanda, you will need to face the truth…than in all of this, it was you the only one that thought it inappropriate, that punished herself for something as pure as loving another human being.”

Steve’s words resounded inside her mind; Wanda had come to terms with what she couldn’t in her youth. Not only the mistakes of her past actions, but also to the thoughts she allowed herself to govern her decisions, in all reality, just as Steve had told her, her family would have never stopped loving her even if she chose another woman to be by her side. To be the love of her life, to marry and form a family with.

Times had certainly changed, and by the time Wanda had made a decision about her life and what she needed it to do, Thanos had come, and she had missed five years of her life. The sound of birds above her head broke her remembrance of another time; she shook her head and tried to step forward but was unable to do so.

Wanda Maximoff hesitated with her hands inside her pockets, the key to the old Avenger compound wrapped tightly around her hand. She chewed on her lower lip, turning around ready to leave until her eyes fell upon a young girl. She was no older than five years old, with auburn hair, and curious eyes she stood there glancing at Wanda while holding onto a metal glove that fit her small hand.

“Are you lost?” She asked, tilting her head, Morgan Stark took a step closer to the redhead while glancing left then right.

Wanda pressed her lips together shaking her head, “no, I’m not.”

Morgan furrowed her brows, her eyes narrowing slightly though her stance did not lose the easiness she carried with her. Wanda could see much of Stark in the young girl, there was intelligence behind her eyes and also a sense of confidence Wanda never possessed at her age.

“Then, what are you doing?” Morgan asked, this time around she pursed her lips pointing to the cabin. “Are you looking for daddy?”

Wanda sighed glancing down the road, her breath caught in her throat when her clear eyes fell upon the form of Tony Stark. The man was standing by the entrance of the cabin, his eyes completely focused on her and Morgan. With an uncomfortably shifted stance, Wanda glanced back to the girl that still had her eyes on her.

“Yes, I am.”

Morgan broke into an easy smile; she approached Wanda taking her hand in hers while dragging her all the way to the cabin.

“Silly, you can’t stay here. Daddy is having his afternoon tea.”

Tony Stark stood by the porch in his cabin, his heart had almost stopped the moment he realized Morgan had gone all the way to greet the strange newcomer only to realize this newcomer was no other than Wanda Maximoff. In his mind, five years had passed, but the old wounds as well as Wanda’s old transgressions were still fresh in Stark’s mind; he had not forgotten the moment she broke Y/N’s heart. Nor did he forget the fact Wanda sided with Steve when the world needed them the most; seeing her walking down the road with his daughter by her side only made him shiver in anticipation, his hand getting ready to access his armor if necessary.

“Wanda.” He couldn’t hide the coldness in his voice, the young woman winced trying to let go of Morgan’s hand but the young girl refused the gesture taking her past Tony.

“Come! Mommy brought some cupcakes and daddy has to eat his tea or he gets cranky.” Morgan turned to Tony, the innocence in her eyes didn’t allow her to notice the obvious tension between Wanda and Tony.

The man straightened up, his jaw clenching tightly while his eyes let Wanda know she was not welcomed. Wanda knew this, of course. She was risking a lot by reaching out to Tony, but in all honestly, he was her last option.

She didn’t have anyone else.

She was alone. Completely and utterly alone.

Tony dropped his shoulders placing a hand on Morgan’s head, before pointing with his head the house.

“Well, I guess we are stuck with one another for the time being.”

“You don’t have to…” Wanda started, but Tony shook his head.

“Morgan wants you here, come on.”

The house was like nothing Wanda remembered of Tony. There were many electronic devices and gadgets that Tony had adapted to his home, but otherwise this looked like a normal place. Nothing too fancy, and nothing too ostentatious. It was strange to set foot in a place that was not as extravagant as Tony had been once.

“I hope you two are…Wanda? What are you doing here?” Pepper stood by the hall with a tray filled with pastries and two white cups filled with tea.

Wanda offered a weak smile; her heart shrank at the incommodity this situation generated in her. She wished she had thought this through, but in reality, there was nothing she could do. She had been so lost at the funeral, she had been so devastated when she saw Y/N in the arms of another, when she realized after Steve’s death, she was alone.

“I’m sorry to come uninvited, Pepper.” She all but whispered. “I will be out of here in no time, I just…”

Pepper had been frowning at the young woman all this time, but something in her voice and her posture made Pepper softened slightly. She offered a motherly smile pointing to the love chair on the living room.

“Take a seat, Wanda, I will bring another cup of tea.”

Teatime went by uneventfully.

Morgan ended up filling up the silence with her stories, and the adults merely spoke whenever she spoke to them. Wanda couldn’t help the tension growing as the time passed, and the eyes of Tony kept on pinning her with anger and questions. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Pepper grabbed Morgan and left Tony and Wanda alone.

“You have some nerve coming in here, Wanda.” Tony finally commented leaning back on his chair. “I thought by now you would have left to get the normal life you have always wanted. Though, now that Vision is no longer alive, I guess you don’t have much from were to choose, am I right?”

Wanda winced at his honesty, she knew Tony and Natasha had been always advocates of Y/N and had always stood by her side after the incident. The young woman couldn’t help the tears pooling out her eyes, she swallowed down her sadness, trying to collect herself to start talking.

But she couldn’t.

“I…I…am sorry.” Wanda let down a whimper, her tears rolling down her eyes as the pain in her chest became unbearable. She stood on shaky legs, shaking her head while trying to make her way to the door. “I sh-shouldn’t…I will…I will leave…”

But as she said this, her heart crumbled and soon she was on the floor with Tony Stark wrapping his arms around her. Of all the people that she had gotten to know, Tony was the last one she ever thought would comfort her. They had such a troublesome past; she had hated him for so long only to develop respect and then a shaky form of friendship that had always been on the rocks for as long as they had fought on the side.

Now, Wanda couldn’t stop crying and Tony had acted out of instinct.

Wanda cried for herself, for the time she lost. For the things she had done, for Steve because he would no longer be there to comfort her and to be the family she had lost. For Y/N because she hated Wanda, and Wanda knew that regardless of her wrongdoings and her mistakes, she was still pretty much in love with her. Wanda cried because she let her old beliefs, and the words of sin and forbidden governed her decisions at some point.

Wanda cried because she was alone, and she had come to a world in which she was not welcome.

And then, when she thought nothing good could come of this meeting, she had the very same man she had always thought insufferable and narcissistic comforting her. Then a pair of small arms wrapped around her, and soon Wanda felt, for the very first time in a long time, the warmth of a family trying to pick up the pieces of her heart and lonely soul.

*****

Night had already fallen, and Morgan was already in bed by the time Wanda had stopped crying.

The warmth of the mug between her hands brough comfort to her cold chest, she glanced at the fire while trying to ease out her breathing and hearing Tony talk about what had happened after the Blip. She heard about his fight with Steve, how he had given his back to the Avengers to go and form a family with Pepper, how the world crumbled in the very first year before it started building itself.

Tony talked about Steve and Natasha, how they struggled to keep the team alive, to try and look for a solution while also helping the rest of the universe with the help of Rocket and Carol Danvers. He talked about Y/N, and Wanda couldn’t help the fluttering of her heart at the mention of Y/N and how she had been affected by the Blip, how she had met Carol and the bond had been formed.

“She missed you.” Pepper ignored the glare coming from Tony, her eyes were solely on Wanda who was looking back at her with a hopeful glint in her eyes. “Y/N was in a dark place after she saw you vanished into thin air.”

Wanda furrowed her brows at this, “she…she was there?”

Pepper and Tony nodded, and Wanda tried to remember that moment.

She knew you had arrived because your shadows had invaded the battlefield for a moment, but she never imagined you had gone and looked for her. Wanda never imagined Y/N had seen her disappear. Tony shifted on his chair pursing his lips while facing Wanda, his eyes demanding.

“She took it hard and was not the same for a while. Up until she and Carol started seeing one another.” Wanda winced at these words; she looked away trying to hide her pain, but Tony had already seen it. “What are you doing here, Wanda?”

Wanda glanced at the beverage in the mug, she thought about you for a long time. She thought about your voice and laughter, how happy you had seemed with the blond-haired woman back at the funeral. The young woman lifted her face, new tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I’m…I came here to ask for your permission.” She finally said, Tony blinked confusedly at her.

“Permission for what?”

“The…the Avengers compound.” Wanda mumbled. “I know it’s still active but empty and…I… I really don’t have a place to stay. I just…”

“You are alone.” Tony stated not without a tone of reproach in his tone. “This is your own doing, Wanda. I hope you know that.”

Wanda didn’t react at all, but her lips broke into a broken smile.

“I made so many mistakes, Tony.” Wanda all but whispered. “The only thing I did right was…was being with her.”

“And yet, you broke her heart in the worst possible way.” Tony replied, the old anger dripping from his words.

“I know.” Wanda placed a hand on her forehead, she had nothing to lose at the moment and her words came rushing in. Not to give an explanation, she didn’t think her actions have one, but she just needed to let everything out.

For the very first time, she would talk with all honestly to someone that wasn’t Steve.

“I was so afraid to give in, to allow myself to be seen with her.” Wanda hiccupped placing a hand on her mouth, tears rolling silently down her cheeks. “My mother…my father…They always talked to me about sin, I knew what I had always feel, what I am…was a sin. Papa found me once, and he…I never forgot his lesson. I knew I was wrong, and when I saw her and knew I couldn’t breathe without Y/n I just…I was failing papa and mama…you know?”

Wanda shook her head, a gasp leaving her lips while her hand closed tightly around her chest.

“I had failed them, they had died, and I had failed them…time and time again, I failed and then…” Wanda shrugged. “I fell in love with her and I just…I let my family die, I couldn’t…I couldn’t be happy, I shouldn’t…I should do what they wanted of me I just…”

Pepper softened her features, watching the confusion, the conflict running wildly through those green eyes. But Tony remained impassive, hearing everything without giving anything away.

“I just…I couldn’t let them down, them and Pietro and…god, Y/N was just…I was feeling so much…I realized I wanted to have her children, that I wanted…I wanted to leave my powers and…” Wanda suddenly looked desperate, lost, and hopeless. “I know I mess up, Tony, I’m not asking for your forgiveness...I just…I just need a home.”

Wanda broke at the very end; Tony lowered his gaze before settling his eyes on Pepper. For the very first time, Tony wondered what would have happened if Pepper had given up on him. How many times had she discovered him with another woman, how many times she had seen him flirt his way through the parties before he realized that Pepper was all he needed. Y/N had been hurt deeply by Wanda, it was quite evident Wanda didn’t know the extent of Y/N’s feelings for her or what she was ready to do for Wanda.

And yet, Wanda was ready to do the same, but her mind was being tormented by old believes, and the fear of failing her family. The fear of falling into sin, of being less than what was expected of her.

“I know I’m going to pay my whole life for my mistakes, Tony. I know she…” Wanda wrapped her hands tightly around the mug, lowering her gaze she continued with a shaky voice. “I have broken everything that was good for me, and I deserve to be alone. I just…I’m tired.”

Tony stood up making his way to where Wanda was sitting, he knelt down placing a single hand on hers. His face was solemn, and for the very first time he allowed himself to see Wanda the way she was. A young woman lost, not knowing what to do or what road to follow, someone who wanted to be loved, but that didn’t want to fail those she loved anymore.

Ten years were a long time for him to keep a grudge, and for Wanda to still being put down and being ripped from what she really wanted.

“You can stay here tonight, Wanda.” Tony squeezed her hand comfortingly. “You have a home here, and we can talk more tomorrow. The compound is yours if you want to, but for now let me take you to your room. You must be really tired.”

Wanda wrapped her arms around Tony, a small weight lifted from her heart, and a huge void in her soul filled by the affection she felt for the man hugging her tightly. After that day, Wanda would spend five more days in Tony’s home, and she would cry while trying to let out everything she had kept for herself.

The morning of the fifth day was sunny and filled with a warm breeze.

Morgan was checking out the car Tony had given Wanda, while Wanda was trying to reject the gift. Tony shook his head placing the keys in the young woman’s hand, his eyes gleaming warmly while he also extended a mobile.

“You will find my number in there. But…” Here Tony trailed off before speaking again. “You will find Y/N’s number and location.”

Wanda opened her eyes wide, her hand trembling at this revelation. Her lower lip quivered, and she was left speechless for a moment.

“I don’t think…”

“You told me you wanted to talk to her, to mend things, didn’t you?”

“Y-yes, I did but…”

“Or, were you pretending to be interested in patching things up with Y/N?”

“No, no Tony I do but…” Here Wanda trailed off glancing at the phone with trepidation. “She hates me. She…she really despises me.”

“She does.” Tony stated shrugging. “But you don’t.”

Wanda lowered her gaze, her cheeks burning in embarrassment.

“Now, I understand many things, Wanda, and it is time for Y/N to know them as well.”

Wanda shook her head, the fear of a confrontation with you was something that haunted her sleep. There was nothing else she wanted more than to go back to you, but she knew she was late. She was always too late.

Tony closed his hands around hers, the items firmly placed in her hand.

“Talk to her. Perhaps, it won’t be what you want, but being friends could be a start.” Tony then offered a smile, nodding to the car. “Go, get settle, and when you have decided, just call and the ticket to her home would be ready for you.”

Wanda threw herself at Tony, and this gesture caught the older man by surprised. But he returned the hug, and he realized that having a family, having Morgan had changed his vision of the world. And now, he didn’t want Wanda to go around suffering needlessly.

“Don’t wait to long, Little Witch.” He whispered choosing Y/N’s nickname for her. “Go and chase happiness, you will always have a home here.”

“Thank you, Tony.”

Wanda left the place with a lighter heart, and hope in her heart. She glanced at the phone on the passenger’s seat with titillation growing in her abdomen and spreading to her chest.

Perhaps…

Wanda swallowed down and dared not to hope. First things first, she would go to the compound and after that…after that you would look for Y/N. This time around, she was ready to do everything she could to redeem herself and have a chance with Y/N; Wanda drove down the road never noticing the eyes sneaking in the reflection or the purple mist engulfing her mind.

_____________________________________________________________

Present day – Former Avenger’s Tower - New York

The place had never been this packed ever since Loki came crashing down with the Chitauri on his attempt to conquer earth. Tony served some of the drinks, his eyes going over an over to the impatient form of one Carol Danvers, the woman hadn’t stopped looking at her watch and her mobile ever since they got in there with Monica Rambeau.

Natasha grabbed two glasses, winking at Tony who merely snorted while observing the interaction. Carol turned sharply to Natasha, her lips curling lightly into a smile while she received the glass of whiskey she was being offered.

“So, how did you find earth so far?” Natasha was not one to make small talk, and Tony had a feeling he knew why exactly the Black Widow was trying to stall the other woman’s stay in the tower.

You and Wanda were finally left alone to have the long-awaited conversation you deserved to have with one another. Tony then took the other glass walking towards Strange who had dropped on the nearest sofa, with a hand covering his face.

Carol took a sip from the beverage, glancing down to her mobile then back up to a smirking Natasha. The young woman hated the fact Natasha had the knowing glint in her eyes.

“So, are you in a rush?” Carol rolled her eyes at the questions, her lips breaking into an easy smile shaking her head.

“I am.” Carol sighed glancing at Natasha with expectation. “How is she?”

Natasha held Carol’s stare for a moment before shrugging, “she is fine, right now all of us are dealing with the current crisis trying to help America and find a solution.”

Carol clenched her hand around the glass, Natasha heard the cracking sound of the glass though Carol was trying to apply all her self-restrained as to not break the glass. By now, she already knew you were not alone, and that America had gone to you for help with no other than Wanda Maximoff. Carol would be lying if she didn’t admit a part of her was highly jealous of this meeting, she knew as well as everyone else that your love for the red-head witch was something still latent in your heart.

A wave of sudden sadness and uncertainty reached Carol, and the woman jerked away when another hand placed itself on her forearm. Natasha offered the comfort of a single smile, her eyes gleaming with sympathy and understanding.

“Don’t worry, this meeting won’t take long and you will have a chance to go right to her without waiting for me or the Quinjet.” There was a teasing tone in Natasha’s voice, Carol tried to relax but her mind was full of uncertainties, and her heart was aching to see you.

“I know…and I know this is important.” Here she made a face turning her attention to Monica then to Strange. “It seems Maximoff has created a huge trouble, and as always some of us are here cleaning up her mess, right?”

Natasha pursed her lips at this declaration, “It’s not her fault, not completely.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” This time around Strange was the one to talk, he straightened up his back, all eyes of the presents were on him.

The man was looking terrible, with bags under his eyes and the clothes completely messed, it seemed as if he hadn’t sleep for weeks. He probably hadn’t. Tony sat down nodding towards Stephen, glancing at the group before emptying the glass in a single gulp.

“Okay, then, start talking Strange, we’re delaying the space princess over there, and I don’t think she has more patience for this.”

Carol rolled her eyes looking away to try and hide her red cheeks, Natasha chuckled, squeezing her forearm tenderly before joining Tony and Monica. Carol glanced at her forearm before she too joined them with the same trepidation she had been feeling from the very beginning.

“As far as we could find with Wong, Wanda and this woman…Agatha were in possession of the Darkhold.” Strange spoke waving his hands, some of this they already knew but his explanation had to start there. “As I explained to you before, this book is highly dangerous, containing spells that could granted destructive powers to whomever gets a hold of it. One of such spells is called dream walking.”

Tony pursed his lips leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees.

“You told us this book was missing, alongside the woman Wanda was supposed to trap in the real Westview, right?”

“She didn’t do a very good job, did she?” This time around it was Carol the one to speak, the woman sat down pinning Strange with her eyes. “So, this dream walking ability, what does it do, exactly?”

Strange didn’t know how to explain the technique, he knew as soon as he started talking about it many of them would jump to the same conclusion he did. Though, his own theory still had many holes that he wasn’t sure how to fill in; he let out a heavy sigh hoping once Wong was back, he would have more answers.

“Basically, it is a technique that allows its user to use their counterpart across the multiverse. They can possess their other variants but…” Stephen scratched the back of his head, his eyes focused on every single one of the presents before they settled on Natasha. “The stronger the sorcerer or the witch, the stronger the spell, they can maintain it for a long time, and they are capable of creating the very same creatures that had been chasing America through the multiverse.”

“You are thinking about someone, aren’t you?” Carol crossed her arms shaking her head. “You think it’s Maximoff?”

Natasha shook her head, her hand waving away at this while she glared at the blond.

“Wait a second, Wanda made many mistakes in the past, but this is on a whole new level…”

“I agree with Romanoff.” Tony stated glaring at Carol. “Wanda may have made many mistakes, but this particular case we are talking about murdering to get to an innocent kid…”

“She created and slaved a whole town, I mean…” Carol said shrugging, she turned to Strange nodding. “Besides, I don’t see Strange fighting much my affirmation.”

Everyone turned to Stephen who was looking at some point on the floor, the man sighed lifting his face nodding.

“That’s my theory, actually.” Stephen lifted a hand to stop any arguments, he locked eyes with Tony trying to appear as the voice of reason. “However, I do agree with you. This Wanda, our Wanda has gone through so much…I don’t think it is her, perse.”

Monica furrowed her brows tilting her head, “what exactly do you mean with our Wanda? You mean…”

“I think it may be another version of her.” Stephen stated firmly.

Everyone jumped startled when a glass fell to the ground, Natasha opened her eyes wide turning to Stephen. She was paled, as if all of a sudden, she saw a ghost.

“Dream walking…is it possible…is it possible that they can show themselves in dreams to other people?” Natasha asked. “It is possible for them to…make physical damage through the dreams?”

Stephen opened his eyes at this, he stood up rather fast striding towards Natasha while placing his hands on the Widow’s shoulders.

“What exactly has happened, Romanoff?”

Natasha felt her world turned around, dizziness overcome her as she remember you telling her about your dreams. The hickey…the scratches… and right there and then, Natasha knew you were in trouble. Carol observed the scene and went from Natasha to Stephen and then back, she clenched her jaw understanding without any more words what was happening. She turned around and went right through the window without hearing the screams from Monica and Natasha for her to stop.

Carol would not wait. You were in danger, and she was not about to let anyone harm you. Much less Wanda Maximoff.

______________________________________________________________

The city of Ulsteinvik was filled with snow and wintery activities that include Winter festival in which the shipyard became the main attraction.

School was over for the day, and many had been invited over to the main festivities that would welcome the weekend. America was bouncing reluctantly around her classmates, her eyes drifting to where you were standing near the car with Vera and other teachers around. She put the jacket around herself, her eyes drifting around until they fell on Wanda; the young woman was strolling down the streets watching everything in awe while trying to locate America and Y/N.

“Hey, America, are you coming?” America turned around to see one of her classmates calling to her, she hesitated nodding pointing in the general direction.

“I will, give me five!”

Wanda smiled at the approaching figure of America; she observed as the teen waved her friends before making her way towards her. America was smiling, her face beaming with emotion at being part of something as mundane as a festival, but also knowing this was the chance she was looking for. The last two days, you and Wanda had been civil around one another, and little by little you had been lowering your defenses to try and get closer to Wanda.

Everything was going according to plan.

“Hey, Wands!” America wrapped her arms tightly around the redhead, Wanda offered a tiny smile fixing America’s hair while pointing to the group of teens waiting at the other end of the street.

“Aren’t you embarrassed to be showing such affection towards me?” The comment was meant to be a joke, Wand didn’t pretend to be nothing else but an acquaintance of America.

The young woman crunched up her nose shaking her head, “Never, Wands you are like…I…you are family.”

Both shifted awkwardly, the conversation dying for a moment until both of you heard your laughter. Vera was rubbing your arm, laughing at something someone else had said; America scowled at her closeness, and she could see that Wanda was not happy with it either. The young woman took that moment to call upon you, making sure everyone turned to see her and Wanda waiting.

“Y/N!! We’re here!” Wanda opened her eyes wide; she saw the glint of mischief in America’s eyes but before she could say something you had already gotten there, your lips breaking into an easy smile.

“Hey, kiddo, ready for the festival?” You passed your arm around her shoulders, America nodded grabbing Wanda’s hand and putting her closer to you.

For a brief moment, America could sense the tension around the three of you. Wanda was almost touching your arms, and you were close enough to see her clear, green eyes gleaming warmly at you. Something inside your heart shifted, and you knew glancing at those eyes was dangerous.

“I am, but I just…” America trailed off looking back at her friends. “I mean, Wanda came over and Kathe and the others are waiting…”

The breeze went pass you brushing your heated skin for a moment, you shot America a quick glance trying to gauge her real intensions but not seeing anything beyond her eagerness to be a part of the festival. Wanda was holding her breath; her whole body was hurting due to the tension she was putting on her posture.

“Go on, I take care of Wanda.” You finally replied, the words of Natasha running around your mind as you realized this could be a chance to have that conversation you have been avoiding the last couple of days.

“Good, you guys are awesome!” She hugged the both of you at the same time before walking back waving. “See you in few!”

A long uncomfortable silence filled the space left by America.

You stood there feeling a pair of eyes on the back of your neck, and you were pretty sure Wanda and Vera had their attention on you. The last couple of days had been strange, to say the least. Wanda, America, and you had been left alone with a great house and a feeling of familiarity you hadn’t felt in a long time. The last conversation you had with Natasha and Yelena had been dancing around your mind ever since they left, and the intensity of those conversations only increased whenever you were alone with Wanda.

And she had been in your mind at all times.

Even when you were dreaming.

The conversation you knew the both of you needed to have had been postponed mainly because you were a coward. And you didn’t want to fall all over again in the same pattern with Wanda, this time around you needed to let everything out and make sure Wanda understood how badly she had messed up.

“You don’t have to, you know?” Wanda broke the silence, her eyes downcast and her posture showing the defeat she had been feeling as of late. “I…I understand and you don’t…I know you don’t want to…”

Wanda shook her head, thinking herself and idiot for thinking perhaps you would want to talk to her, that perhaps this day was what they needed to start building a shaky friendship. But of course, your resentment was strong, and Wanda could not pretend to have the conversation she was dying to have with you to happen anytime soon.

The young witch was turning around ready to stroll around the city before going home when a warm hand wrapped around her wrist. She stopped death on her tracks, turning to face you and finding uncertainty in your eyes.

“Where are you going?” You furrowed your brows, uncertainty filling your mind. You were hoping to break the huge wall that was between you and Wanda, to try and lower your defense and start the process of forgiveness.

To finally hear the advice from Tony, Natasha and even Yelena.

“I…I just thought…” Wanda tried to speak but she had distracted herself with your hand holding her wrist, your eyes glancing at her intently. “I just thought I…walk around the city, you can…I know you must be busy.”

This kind of thing used to be easier.

You remembered all those times in which you would merely whisper a plan, and Wanda was dragging you around to comply with them. Now, everything was uncertain, and your mind kept on playing the treason but also the moments in which Wanda had been hurt, lost…miserable.  You took a deep breath, taking a step closer to her, you let go of her hand and made sure she was listening to you.

“I would like to talk to you, I think this is a long overdue conversation between you and me.” You mumbled shrugging. “But, I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to…”

“I do!” Wanda blushed at the abruptness of her answer, she almost fell on her face while trying to hold her emotions.

You couldn’t help but snicker, Wanda wincing before nodding briefly.

“Yes, I think…we…we need to talk.”

“Good then, now that we’re on the same page I know a place you may like, wanna come?” You offered a single smile, that Wanda returned tentatively.

You were very conscious of the growing tension between Wanda and yourself.

It was something you had been living with in the last couple of months since the witch returned to your life. It was almost impossible not to experience it after the myriad of emotions going through your system whenever you thought of Wanda Maximoff.

Now that the both of you were finally alone by circumstances, more so than by election, and the conversation you and her never have was something quite inevitable right now.  The streets of Ulsteinvik were filled with people all making their way to the harbor and the shipyard, the conversation in a mixture of Norwegian and English made a cacophony of sounds that surrounded Wanda distracted her from her current situation, her mind had been a pool of thoughts and emotions she had been too scare to face but now that she had the possibility, she wasn’t sure how to approach.

Her eyes fell upon your figure, the confidence with which you strolled down the streets made her falter. A tingle filled with anticipation started growing on her stomach, and it spread out to her chest and limbs; Wanda was trying to organize her thoughts, to think on what to say…she thought she was prepared for this confrontation but, as you guide her inside a café and requested for something warm while sitting in front of her she realized, she was not ready.

“You mingled with the people around here quite well.” Wanda commented lightly, lowering her gaze to the table while wiggling her hands. “You have been living here for a long time, right?”

You pursed your lips nodding curtly, if Wanda was nervous about this conversation, you were ready to explode from anxiety this brought to you. Right there was Wanda, as you had always imagined her. Her long hair falling in waves around her shoulders and back, her deep green eyes gleaming with uncertainty and shyness like that very first meeting in which you bowed to love her. How many years had passed since then? How many wounds? How many treasons?

The waitress offered a kind smile while placing the cups on the table.

The warmness of the liquid brushed your mouth, and helped you distract yourself from the inevitable. Wanda played with a napkin, her gestures revealing the same nervousness you had been hiding ever since she got to your place.

“I have been living here for seven years.” You finally revealed leaning back on the chair, your eyes wandering around refusing to look at the woman sitting in front of you. “This place was refreshing for me, a new beginning.”

Wanda chewed on her lower lip, her trembling hands grabbing the porcelain cup warming up her sweaty palms.

“Can I…” She hesitated lifting her face only to see your eyes on her, you nodded curtly raising a single eyebrow at her. Wanda shivered before asking her question. “Can I know what you did before coming here?”

Wanda had never heard of you after you left the Avengers’ compound, you had disappeared and no one, not even Natasha, was able to provide any news about your whereabouts. You tensed lightly remembering those dark times in your life, the traveling through the shadows and accepting random jobs to get some money and make yourself forget the pain of your broken heart.

You rested your hands on the table, knitting your brows together you pursed your lips thinking about an answer. Your whole body ignited when her hand placed itself on yours, and her eyes were showing regret and begging for you to forgive her.

“You don’t…you don’t have to tell me, I just…” Wanda sighed squeezing your hand tenderly. “I was just curious.”

“I was in a dark place, Wanda.” The sound of the customers filling out the café made this conversation a private one, Wanda went rigid at these words.

Your eyes fell on your hands still wrapped comfortingly under hers, your heart was beating fast and a part of you wished you weren’t in love with her anymore. That your heart had healed enough for the woman sitting in front of you to not affect you the way she was doing at the moment.

“I’m sorry.” Wanda whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks, her words carrying with them the weight of your history with her.

You shrugged bitterly, taking your hand away from her while drinking your coffee.

“It doesn’t matter, I was hurt and lost and I just need a way to vent over my frustrations and my pain.”

“Y/N…” Wanda started but now that you had spoken it was impossible for you to stop.

You clenched your eyes closed, before making sure Wanda was hearing everything you had to say. Everything you had always wanted to say to her.

“I was broken, Wanda, I…travel around trying to harm myself, to make my physical pain greater than my emotional one.” You let out a snort looking out of the window. “I didn’t make it, and I grew tired…that was when I let Natasha find me.”

Wanda heard as you told her everything you had done, and a part of her felt grateful for this. It was the very first time she had accessed you, in a way she had lost after that day. You told her about your misgivings, about your findings, how you came to Norway and ended up being a double agent for Tony and Steve. You told her about your falling out with Steve when the man tried to make you find reason and confront Wanda.

“Then, a few months ago I received some tapes…” You shrugged, tired and suddenly lighter, “Westview…my anger and resentment were back and now…I can’t keep living my life hating you, Wanda. I can’t live my life with resentments and without daring to look at you. Not anymore.”

Wanda wrapped her arms around herself, she didn’t know what to say or how to react to your story. The side of the story she had always been curious about, but no one was ready to reveal to her. She heard about your lovers, and her heart broke into a million pieces knowing you had found comfort in other’s arms. She knew she didn’t deserve your forgiveness, the knowledge of you forgetting about her little by little brought pain she had been experiencing all her life.

“It was never my intention to hurt you, Y/N.” She all but whispered, you snorted shrugging once more. Your lips broke into a bitter smile while your eyes shone with unshed tears.

“We can’t help who we fall in love with, right?” You replied in a broken tone, Wanda scrunched up her nose ready to be honest with you for the very first time in a long time.

“I wasn’t in love with Vision.” Wanda noticed the shredded napkin on her hands, her heart was beating painfully hard against her ribcage while she made herself look at you.

Your back and shoulders were hurting for all the tension you were putting in them, this revelation was something you were not expecting. Your eyes finally looked with those of Wanda, and for a brief moment you saw red swirling around her green irises. The dreams that had been plaguing your for a long time coming in several images, Wanda and Scarlet mixing up just as you heard her voice.

Mine. Only mine.

As much as I have always been yours, my love.

“You have a funny way to show you are not in love with him.” You broke the spell shaking your head, frowning while clenching your fists. “You slept with him, and then you spend your time travelling with him, that and let’s not forget Westview and the happy family you had there.”

Anger was far easier than any other emotion, you clenched your jaw watching as Wanda broke in front of you. So much different than Scarlet, and yet…

“I was never in love with him. I was just…a coward. I was afraid.” She mumbled, her head pulsating painfully. Sparks of red appearing on her fingertips, and the blackness she had come to associate with her blackouts flickering in and out of her fingers as she spoke.

“You’re telling me you…you cheated on me with someone you didn’t even love?” You clenched your jaw putting money out of your pocket and leaving it on the table.

Wanda watched as you stood up and left, she hesitated, the pain inside her head almost unbearable a tug on her abdomen making her stand up and follow you.

“I…yes! Yes! I…god, Y/N, I was afraid and I was confused and I just…” Wanda followed you speaking louder, she didn’t realize she was crying until the cold winter wind touch her face. “I didn’t know…It went against everything I had been taught and my parents…my brother…I thought…”

“I was in love with you, Wanda!” You turned around screaming at the top of your lungs. “ I had the ring, and the house…I even had the names of our children…”

“I know…I found them in the compound, I just…” And Wanda felt the pulsating pain in her head mixing up with her thoughts. Scarlet tried to push the other woman away, tried to tell you that the children were yours…that she had seen it all and that she had created the world for you and her, but at some point, her counterpart, this Wanda had messed up.

The people walking down the streets all turned to look at you and Wanda, the both of you were close enough to touch one another yet it was quite evident there was a distance neither one of you knew how to close.  Wanda winced hugging herself tightly, she opened her mouth and closed, the push inside her chest breaking her resolution and her eyes gleamed red for a brief moment until you finally saw it.

One red.

One green.

Her voice, their voices…sounding like one.

“I have lost everything, Y/N. I lost my parents, and I lost myself in hatred and revenge, I gave myself to be an experiment, and then I lost Pietro.” Wanda spoke with a broken voice, she shook her head trying to tell you how she felt. “I could never tell you…you were such…god, you were such a powerful force that made me feel I could do anything, I could be anyone…but then…they started talking about the reconstruction of Sokovia, and Tony brought my parents to be buried alongside Pietro.”

You were trembling in rage and helplessness, Wanda talking about her upbringing. She talked about her mother’s teachings, the church’s teachings and what was expected of her. Wanda spoke about the fears she was not brave enough to tell you for fear of your rejection. She spoke of her papa, and how he had taught her a lesson at some point when she showed her attraction for another woman. The confusion she felt when Vision approached her with a speech about logic, biology and philosophy, about the wrongness of what she was feeling, but also about the nature behind experimenting.

“I couldn’t I just…I didn’t…” Wanda almost felt on her knees, but you were faster than her. She rested against your body, crying with tension building around her body refusing to return your embrace. And in all of this you saw them, Wanda and Scarlet, and your fears and suspicions were clarified at that moment.

They were one and the same, yet two different entities.

“I’m sorry, I never…you…I don’t know why Westview…but they are yours…just yours…” Wanda was crying now trying to get away from you. “I just messed up…I…I’m so broken I just…”

Your heart broke at the sight.

It didn’t justify her, and in all honestly the conversation had not been clear enough. But a part of you, the one that had been running in fear for what you were and who you are, understood.

“I’m sorry.” Wanda repeated over and over, and you put her tighter against yourself.

“It’s…It’s okay.” You mumbled placing a comforting kiss on her head. “It’s okay, Wanda.”

“I can’t…I couldn’t…” Wanda cried softly, and Scarlet pushed through what Wanda had to say all along. “I love you…I…never…I never stop and you…”

Scarlet stirred inside Wanda; she was so close.

It was the right time to make her move. Scarlet was finally at her breaking point, your warmness and your words, the feeling of your skin and your kisses. It was time to get rid of Wanda and for her to come forth. America was around the city and Natasha and Yelena were no longer there.

This time around, the spell would be successful, and Billy and Tommy would be back. And no one would dare to intervene.

“N-No…N-no, please, not…not again…” Wanda screamed in pain, and just as Scarlet was ready to come forth, the humming sound of a flying object approaching broke into the sky.

You tensed.

That humming was familiar, and the hairs at the back of your neck stood up at the energy surrounding such an individual.

You were so distracted you never noticed when the green eyes were lost replaced by the crimson of Scarlet. When you lowered your gaze, the woman was smiling at you, this time around she was not afraid to wrap her arms around you.

“You are mine, detka. Finally.”

“Get your hands away from her, Maximoff!” The golden blast almost made you falter, but your shadows and Scarlet’s reflex were enough to prevent the blast for harming any of you.

Carol Danvers landed with a heavy step, the blasting of energy coming out to put Wanda away from you. The shadows engulfed you separating you from Wanda, while at the same time protecting the redhead form any harms.

“You!” Scarlet growled out, her hands wriggling around with a red mist, while her fingertips started taking in a black colouring. “I won’t let you take her away from me!”

Carol advanced ready to fight the other woman, you opened your eyes wide.

Scarlet wasn’t the only one there.

The red mixed up with purple, and the sky started igniting with runes you had never seen before. The world started trembling, and the smirk Scarlet was wearing told you she was the one working on her magic.

“Carol, wait!” You approached both women, Carol hesitated turning to you with a concern frown when she noticed the blood on your forehead.

“Y/N…” She whispered turning to you, “Strange told us he thinks it is her…”

“I know.” You replied running to the blond woman, Scarlet clenched her jaw refusing to see as Carol’s hand went to your forehead cleaning up the blood in there.

“You knew?” Carol scowled turning her golden eyes to Wanda.

“You won’t have her, Y/N is mine and no one will get in the way.”

At that moment several things happened.

Carol decided to attack Scarlet without hearing your screams of warning, your powers igniting to try and prevent an ever-bigger incident when Scarlet exploded in a bubbled of red mist while the sky above your heads went purple and the runes shone with energy.

Everything around you went black and then, all of a sudden you knew no more.

______________________________________________________________

You heard the beeping of the machines breaking into your unconscious state.

Your body shivered, and this only made you aware of the deep pain you were experimenting. You opened your mouth, for a minute it took all your energy to get out the simplest of moans charged with pure pain. You tried to remember what had happened, what you did and what exactly did Scarlet and Carol did to put you in such a state.

Your eyelids were heavy, but you tried to open your eyes to see exactly where you were at.

Another moan, this one firmer. Your eyes fluttered open, and you had to blink a couple of times due to the intensity of the light.

“MOMMA!”

“MOM!”

Whatever pain you were experimenting, whatever reluctance you had in regards to opening your eyes completely were soon forgotten when you heard those voices. Two boys voices.

You sat up sharply, this time around a scream of pain left your lips, but your eyes were seeing blurry trying to focus on the two figures standing by your bed. Their little hands grabbing yours, and as you blinked away you started focusing them.

“Momma, momma you’re alive!” One of them said hugging you tightly.

You blinked trying to get away, looking around desperately until you saw her.

Wanda Maximoff standing by the door, heavy bags under her puffy eyes. The tears still fresh and she came right at you closing the space in between you and her, her lips soft and tender against yours. For a brief moment you forgot about everything, your head tilting to deepen the kiss, to get reacquainted with Wanda’s taste. The softness of her lips, the warmness of her body…god you missed kissing her.

“God, detka I though…” She whispered smiling soppily when the twins made gagging sounds at the display of affection.

Wanda smiled at you leaning in to get another kiss, but you backed away almost falling from the bed finally registering what was happening. What you had done moments ago and what the woman in front of you was trying to do.

“What the fuck did you do, Scarlet?!! Where am I?! Where is Carol?”

Wanda stood right away, her hands spreading out protectively in front of the twins. She furrowed her brows tilting her head at you.

“Y/N?” She asked tentatively, you were about to speak but a wave of nausea came right at you.

“What’s…what’s going on?” You asked just before falling unconscious on the bed.

Wanda stood there for a moment, Billy pulling at her hand while glancing at your unconscious form.

“Mom, is momma okay?”

“Yes, dear, she is just…” Wanda trailed off turning to the boys. “Momma hurt herself really bad. Go find uncle Steve and Uncle Pietro.”

Tommy and Billy hesitated but then they nodded and left.

Wanda turned to you stepping closer, her hand placing itself on your forehead, while her eyes gleamed red. She hated to do this, it was an unspoken rule for her to never enter the heads of her friends and family. But your reaction, your questions…and what had happened with Strange’s death and the disappearance of America was enough for her to do this.

“I’m sorry my love, I promise you I won’t look beyond what I need to see.” She leaned in placing a kiss on your forehead, reading inside your mind until a whimper left her mouth. She opened her eyes big, stepping back just on time for Steve and Pietro to show at the door.

“Wanda?” Steve asked tentatively, Wanda turned to him nodding.

“I found America, and she…she is not my wife.” Wanda then wrapped her arms around her boys looking back at you then at Steve. “We are in serious trouble.”

______________________________________________________________

Tag List:

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Please, tell me if I forgot anyone.

#wanda maximoff #female Reader #You #Y/N #Wanda Maximoff x Female Reader #WandaxReader #WandaxFemale!Reader #Wanda Maximoff x Female! reader #Wanda Maximoff x F!Reader #imagine wanda maximoff #MoM AU #Marvel AU

[tuiccim]

Though I Have Never Read It (Part 7)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: 2985

Warnings: Angst, Family dynamics/drama, Discussion of controlling/abusive relationship.

A/N: Special thanks to my hype princess & beta reader @whisperlullaby.

Though I Have Never Read It Masterlist

Sitting in your car at the compound, you lean your head back against the seat and close your eyes. You take a few deep breaths and give yourself a mental pep talk before finally getting out. The butterflies in your stomach seem to increase with each step you take closer to Bucky's door. You were scared of what this conversation may bring. Would Bucky be angry? He hadn’t seemed so earlier. Would he think it meant something more than it did? 

You lift your hand to knock and stop short. Closing your eyes, you bite your lip and consider running. You could pack your things and be gone in a blink. You’d done it before. But before, there wasn’t Eva and no matter what happened, you couldn’t leave her. Besides, dealing with Bucky was nothing like what had driven you to Estonia. Your real fear here was your own feelings. So, before you could let that cowardice take hold, you allowed your hand to fall and rapped on his door. It opened more quickly than you expected and you took a step back. 

“Hi,” Bucky says, his face full of expectation and… fear? He looked like that lost, scared shell of a person that he had been when you first met him and it made you want to comfort him more than anything. 

“Hi. Is now good?” You ask softly. 

“Yes. Where, uh-” Bucky makes a vague gesture.

“Here is fine. Unless you’d rather go somewhere else,” you try to give him some room. 

“Are you sure you’d be comfortable in my room with me?” He can’t seem to quite meet your eye. 

“Are you comfortable with me being in your room?” you ask instead. 

“Uh, sure, sure. Come in,” he steps back to allow you entry. 

“Thanks,” you look around as you walk in and see mostly stark furniture with only a few personal touches. The one thing that is nearly full is his bookshelf. You let your eyes browse over the titles momentarily. A corner of your mouth quirks as you realize there was a little bit of geek in the quiet supersoldier but you smooth your expression when you turn back to him. He gestures towards the two chairs that flank the bookshelf and you take one. 

“How is Eva? …and Mark?” Bucky asks. 

“They’re great. She was happy to see her dad,” you chose your words with care to reinforce your earlier assertions of Eva’s paternity.

“Good, that’s good. How, uh, how are you?” Bucky fidgets with his hands. 

“I’m okay. I can see you’re as nervous about this conversation as I am,” you try to lighten the mood. 

Bucky cracks a small smile but still hasn’t looked you in the eye yet, “Yeah?”

“Bucky…” you wait for him to look up and when he finally does, you ask shakily, “Are you angry with me?”

“What?!” Bucky’s eyes widen in surprise. 

“You won’t even look at me.”

“No! No, I’m not angry with you. How could I be? You’re the one who should be angry with me. After what I did. I terrified you,” Bucky’s voice nearly breaks. 

“No, I mean, I was scared at first but you didn’t terrify me,” you assert. “Do you remember all of it? What do you remember?”

“I… God! I’m not even sure what I remember. I… did… did I-” Bucky groans in frustration and puts his head in his hands. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” you reassure him. When he looks at you a few moments later there is a tinge of red around his eyes that tears at your heart. “Why don’t I tell you what I remember? And then we can work out the details.”

“Please,” Bucky whispers. 

“I was living in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. No electricity, rainwater plumbing that was frozen half the time, a tiny kitchen, a bed, and an armchair to read in. It was 4 miles to the nearest neighbor and several more to the nearest town. One evening I was bringing in firewood. There was a snow storm coming in and I wanted to be sure there was enough in the house for the next day. I had just taken off my jacket and was about to relock the door when it flew open and you came through it. I was scared for a minute. I thought you were there to kill me but when I asked you, you simply said shelter. You were even less talkative then,“ you give him a smile to reassure him as his face still betrayed some torment. “What you did manage to tell me was that you were running away from something, too. So, I decided that being scared wasn’t going to change anything. I fed you some soup and whiskey to warm you up, convinced you to get out of the wet clothes you were in since you were shivering, and managed to get you to lay in the bed to rest. You looked so lost at times. While we ate, you were able to remember the name James so that’s what I called you. I settled into my chair to read and you asked me to read to you. I had been reading The-”

“Princess Bride,” Bucky interrupts. 

“Yeah,” you smile at him, “you remember that?”

“I, I overheard you reading it to Eva last night. It’s what triggered the memories. I think,” Bucky says. 

“I thought someone was there last night.”

“I’m sorry. I just heard you and stopped to listen for a minute.”

“It’s fine, Bucky. Anyway, I read to you for a while until I thought you had fallen asleep. When I tried to settle down in the armchair to sleep, you were trying to get out of the bed, grunting no at me. You had so many bruises and scars. I insisted you needed the bed more than I did. I touched your shoulder to stop you from getting out and you gasped. I thought I had hurt you but then you just looked at me and said please. So, I ran my hands through your hair and you calmed down. I sat on the side of the bed and kept doing it until I thought you fell asleep again but the moment I pulled my hand away, you were awake again. You asked me to stay, so I just got in the bed with you and kept running my hand through your hair until we were both asleep. The next morning, um…” you falter, unsure how to explain the next part. Embarrassment and fear wrapping together to still your tongue. 

“I hurt you,” Bucky says grimly. 

“No,” you stare at him, unsure if he meant because of the blood or something else. “No, you didn’t hurt me, James, Bucky,” you shake your head at your own confusion. 

“Don’t. Don’t spare me. Tell me the truth. I remember. I remember forcing myself on you,” Bucky stands up to pace, clearly torturing himself. 

“Bucky,” you start but he cuts you off. 

“Tell me the truth. Please,” he says while pacing, staring at the floor. 

You get up and stand in his path. Grabbing handfuls of his shirt, you force him to look at you, “You didn’t force me,” you say vehemently. Leaving any of your own feelings in the dust, you barrel forward with only the thought of giving him the reassurance and comfort he desperately needed. “You didn’t force anything. I woke up and you were rubbing against me. Pure instinct, you were still asleep. As soon as you woke, you stopped and stared at me with the most terrified expression. I pulled you closer. I pressed myself against you. And then you kissed me and it was intense and I wanted it. You whispered please and I knew what you wanted. I knew what you were asking for,” you pull him closer to you as you speak, ensuring he is hanging on your every word, “I pushed my pants down and you helped me get them lower. You didn’t. You didn’t force me. You didn’t force anything. You were soft and slow and gentle with me. I wanted that. I wanted you.”

“But… the blood?” Bucky asks incredulously. “Were you a virgin?”

“Ye-yeah. It was my first time but that doesn’t change how I feel about it. I wanted you,” you say sincerely. You stared up at him as you emphasized the words of reassurance. Your heart was beating wildly and with your hands curled in his shirt, you could feel his was too. Your faces were so close and you felt a yearning that frightened you.

“But I took that from you,” Bucky looks at you sadly. 

You scoff, you can’t help yourself. Letting go of him, you walk back to the chair and sit, relieved he had given you the perfect out to separate yourself from him physically. Sighing deeply, you shake your head, “No, Buck. The 1940s called, they want their misogyny back. If anything, I gave it. It wasn’t anything special and, truthfully, I was glad to be rid of it. It doesn’t matter. You didn’t hurt me. Understand?”

“Yeah,” Bucky sits looking calmer, “What happened after that?”

“I was going to start breakfast when you heard something. You told me to get in the bathroom and stay there. You said, um, you said thank you. It was quiet for a few minutes and then it sounded like a tornado came through. Smashing and glass shattering and then smoke. The cabin was set on fire and you were gone.”

“They found me. I…” Bucky looks away as if things are falling into place in his mind, “I was commanded to destroy the cabin. I told them no one was there, that I’d gotten lost in the storm. It was the only way I could keep you safe. I had to make them think no one was there. I tried to make sure you could get out, that the fire stayed far enough away to let you get out of the kitchen window.”

“That’s exactly how I got out,” you say. 

“I’m sorry,” Bucky says.

“For making sure I could escape?” You raise an eyebrow playfully. 

“For ruining your life there.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. It wasn’t much of a life. It forced me to come back here. To face up to my problems. It wasn’t easy but I’m glad. If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been here to see Eva born or have that time with her mom. I’m grateful for that night. I don’t have any regrets about it,” you smile while trying to gauge his feelings. 

“Why were you in Estonia?” Bucky asks the question you weren’t sure you wanted to answer. 

“It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got all night, doll.”

“I’m not kidding. It’s complicated,” You demure, unsure you wanted to share that much. Then again, maybe you should. Maybe there should be one person here who knows the whole story and it seemed right that it would be Bucky. After all, he was a part of it. 

“It’s up to you. I’d like to know but only if you want to tell it,” Bucky tilts his head as he looks at you. 

“Settle in,” you laugh lightly as you reposition yourself in the chair. “My dad was a businessman. He owned a mid-size company that was contracted by Stark Industries. My,” you sigh deeply before continuing flatly, “mother had some connections and helped him get in with Obadiah Stane. He was the CFO of Stark.”

“I've heard of him,” Bucky nods.

“She kept close tabs on business dealings and even closer tabs on me. She insisted I become a woman of high society. She wanted me to be a social climber, like her. It wasn’t me but I went along with it to make her happy. My father died suddenly when I was in college, the company was thrown into chaos and my mother begged Stane for his help. He agreed but insisted on controlling interest in the company. It was around this time that they started an affair, I think. Suddenly, Stane and his son, Zeke, were coming around often. Zeke was a few years older than me and he paid a lot of attention to me. At first, I was flattered. My mother started throwing us together as much as she could but then he started getting possessive. He acted like I was a belonging rather than a person. He started policing my clothes, my phone, my friends, everything. He was not happy that I was getting a degree in mechanical engineering. He said it was a man’s field but he knew it was one of my dad’s last wishes that I finish college. He was downright pissed, as was my mother, when I told them I’d been accepted into the Master’s program. That’s when Zeke finally threw in my mother’s face that he was done waiting for his part of the bargain. Apparently, she had struck a deal with Obadiah for me to marry Zeke in exchange for some other business dealings. I never really understood all of it but he lost his shit and started insisting that he was done waiting, the deal was for me to finish my degree and then he’d own me. That’s the word he used, 'own'.”

“Your mother sold you?” Bucky asks in shock, realizing now why you had given her such a cold reception on the phone call he had overheard. 

Your eyebrows lift in realization of the accuracy of the wording, “Yeah. She sold me. Zeke, he, uh, knew I was a virgin and he wanted me. He wanted to have that. He wanted complete ownership over me. I was terrified of him. I hated who I was with him. I was weak and scared. I cowered under him. He had nearly complete control of me. They started planning the wedding. It had to be a grand event. A status symbol. God, I hated it. I hated everything. I hated myself. I hated who I had become. It was my best friend that came up with the plan to get me out. She had watched my light go out and she couldn’t stand it. She convinced me to escape and with the help of a few other friends, I did. I left to go to a dentist appointment with a small purse and the clothes on my back. Thirty-six hours later, I was in a tiny cabin in the middle of nowhere. I was free. And I was so happy… for a while.” You look away reliving the joy and sadness of that time for a moment.

“A while?” Bucky prompts. 

“The loneliness started to get to me. I wanted a life. A real one. I was trapped the same in that cabin as I had been under my mother’s thumb. Living in constant fear of being found. Then you showed up. You were my catalyst. You forced me to go back and face it all. I met Tony and Pepper and Happy. We found out the Stane’s were doing a lot more shady dealing than anyone ever imagined. When I confronted Zeke, he went insane. He, uh, he tried to kill me. Zeke had built himself a suit similar to Tony’s. Luckily, Happy was there and managed to keep Zeke at bay until Tony showed up.”

“Tell me he’s dead,” Bucky growls.

“He’s… incapacitated. That’s what drove me to Estonia,” you pause for a moment, realizing you had to ask Bucky, “Did you tell anyone that we were in Estonia?”

“I told Steve and Sam about meeting you,” Bucky looks at you with furrowed brows. 

“But did you tell them it was in Estonia?” You question. 

“No. Why?”

“I need you to keep that part just between us. If anyone, like my mother, ever found out I was there, they’d know exactly who helped me. It could jeopardize their livelihood, their business, their life. Please-”

“I give you my word, doll. It stays between us,” Bucky promises. 

“Thank you. Anyway, I came back here. Tony got me back in the Master’s program, gave me a job, and… you’re all caught up now,” you let out a little laugh. 

Bucky studies you for a moment before asking, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“At first, I was waiting to see if you remembered me. I knew you’d been through the brain blender a few times so I was gonna let you take the lead. Then, I don’t know, I didn’t want to bring you any pain. I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to go back there. When I thought about telling you, it was for it to be easier on me and I didn’t want to be selfish in that way. I thought maybe it was better to protect you,” you explain. 

“You don’t need to protect me, doll. That was the best night I had had in those years. Thank you for that,” Bucky smiles and you can see the emotions in his eyes.

“You’re welcome. Well, um, it’s getting late,” you say lamely. A tension had formed in the air and it was unnerving you. You found yourself wanting to fling yourself into Bucky’s arms, wanting to find that release he had once provided. You stand swiftly, reminding yourself that one night didn’t mean anything. At least, not romantically. It was just two people seeking comfort in each other. Survivors finding solace together and you couldn’t get wrapped up in it. Because, the truth was, you wanted to fall for the man in front of you and you didn’t trust yourself to. “Good night, Bucky,” you say as you cross to the door. 

“Uh, night, doll. Sleep well,” Bucky says quickly. 

“You, too,” you say as you exit. You flee to your room, knowing that sleep wouldn’t come any time soon. 

Part 8

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[bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky]

Sweet Nothing | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Back at it again with another Taylor Swift inspired fic because I'm mentally ill, babes :)

Warnings: some anxiety

"They said the end is coming. Everyone's up to something. I find myself running home to your Sweet nothings. Outside they're push and shoving. You're in the kitchen humming. All that you ever wanted from me was Sweet nothing."

Bucky stood in the doorway, silently watching you. He loved to observe, to drink you in without you knowing. He liked seeing how you lived in moments when you thought you were alone, without your self-conscious tendencies or insecurities.

These quiet moments belonged to him- only him. And he never took them for granted. He committed to memory everything about you, every small detail he could catch. 

He loved knowing that, somehow, the two of you crossed paths. You found each other despite all the nightmares. And he could never put into words how grateful he was to have you in his life. Even when he was away, just knowing that you lived in the same timeline eased his anxiety.

But after watching you for a while, he couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t resist holding you. He wrapped his strong arms around you from behind and pulled you flush to his chest. His stubbled chin rested on your shoulder as his lips found your neck.

“Good morning, doll.” His voice was low, gravelly from sleep. “Whatcha got goin’ on here?”

You reached up and tangled your fingers in Bucky’s hair, eliciting a quiet sigh from his chest. “And good morning to you, Sarge. I thought I’d make us some French toast.” 

Bucky’s “mmmmmm” vibrated against your back. “You didn’t have to do that.”

A quick spin brought you face to face with him. He always looked so cute in the morning, with his tired eyes and disheveled hair.

“You’re finally home, babe. I wanted to make you your favorite breakfast.” His dog tags clinked as you toyed with them for the first time since his return. 

“Well, that’s very sweet of you,” Bucky said, dotting a kiss to your forehead. “Let me help,” he dropped a kiss to your nose. “Put me to work, sweetheart,” finally, his lips met yours. 

“No, you don’t have to do anything-”

“But I want to!” Bucky’s hands made quick work of your sides, tickling you mercilessly. “Let me help, let me help, let me help!”

“Okay, okay!” you breathed, “you can help!” It took several moments for your laughter to cease and your breath to return; Bucky knew exactly how to get to you. “I’m putting you on bacon and fruit.”

He followed your orders and quickly got to work cutting up strawberries and cooking bacon. These were the moments Bucky missed most. He missed the safety, the domesticity, the peace you brought. An unstoppable smile forced his lips upward as he listened to you talk about your dreams from the previous night and the latest update on your work drama. 

It wasn’t flashy or exciting, but it was warm. Comfortable. And while others may have been bored with such a menial task, Bucky reveled in it. He never thought he’d experience the quiet things, the soft things. But now that he had, he couldn't get enough. He wanted to fold laundry with you. Grocery shop. Cook dinner. All the normal things he'd been without for years.

And cutting up strawberries for his favorite person to put on her French toast made him happier than he ever thought possible.

With breakfast finished and the kitchen clean, you gave Bucky an expectant look. 

“Yes?” He pressed his lips to yours, tasting syrup and strawberries. “Can I help you with something?”

“I’m just wondering what you wanna do today!” you told him. “You pick. We can do whatever you want.”

Bucky’s jaw tensed. It was so quick that you almost missed it, but you’d gotten good and picking up his miniscule indicators of stress. “Oh, I hadn’t… I hadn’t really thought about, sweetheart,” he lied. “Give me a little time to mull it over?”

“Of course, babe. No rush.” You planted a quick, syrup-flavored peck to his lips, “I’m gonna go jump in the shower, you think it over and let me know.”

Bucky remained in the kitchen, conflicted. He knew what he wanted to do, how he wanted to spend the day. But he feared you wouldn’t like his plan. He knew you wanted to do something fun, like ice skating or axe throwing. But Bucky’s idea was simpler, more understated. And the last thing he wanted was to let you down.

When you emerged from the shower, you threw another expectant look his way. “So, what’s the verdict, Buck?”

You were ready to do whatever he wanted- no matter what. He’d been gone for just over a week, and letting him pick the entire day’s itinerary was only fair. There were things he missed out on while he way away. Things he didn’t get to do, things he wanted to do with you. And so, if he wanted to spend the day bar hopping or strolling through the farmer’s market, you’d happily oblige.

More than anything, though, you wanted to do absolutely nothing. You wanted to melt into the couch with Bucky’s body wrapped around yours. You wanted to listen to his heartbeat, play with his hair, hold his head against your chest. The safe, quiet world inside the apartment you shared was your favorite place to be. It gave you a sense of comfort and warmth you’d never experienced before. And you wanted to spend every second in the oasis you'd created together.

Sure, going to the movies or the museum was always fun- everything you did with Bucky was fun. You could’ve spent hours watching paint dry with him and it would probably make the list of your top ten favorite days. Time with him passed quickly. Easily. 

But keeping him all to yourself, holed up in your cozy apartment was your favorite way to spend the day. Just the two of you, reveling in the other’s presence. His safe return was all you ever hoped for. And now that he was home, you needed some quiet time with him. You needed to feel him next to you- no distractions, no disturbances- to assure you that he was really back. That he really returned to you in one piece. 

And maybe it was selfish that you wanted to keep him from the outside world. But it was the only thing that could ease your mind after he spent a long mission away. 

It wasn’t fair, though. You knew he was more than just your boyfriend. He surely wanted to spend the day catching up on what he missed while away. There was an exhibit at the Met you knew he was interested in; his favorite author had released a new book just yesterday. There was a whole world outside your apartment- no matter how hard you tried to deny it. And so, you resigned to keep your desires to yourself. Even if you didn’t feel like taking a trip to the pier or the library or the arcade. Because, truthfully, you would’ve been more than happy do anything Bucky wanted- as long as you got to do it with him.

Bucky shifted his weight and brought a hand up to his dog tags- a nervous habit you’d come to know. “Would you…” he sighed, “would you be disappointed if I said I didn’t wanna do anything today?”

You cocked your head to the side, “what?”

Shame bloomed in Bucky’s chest. It pushed through the muscle and bone and rooted itself just beneath his skin- he almost feared you could see it. “I know I just got back, and there’s probably things you want us to do together. But I’d rather just spend the day at home… if that’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Or…” he found himself backpedaling, regretting his words. “We can still go out and do something- just a little later? We can compromise; I don’t want you to be bored. I just want some time together- some time for us. Just us. I want you all to myself for a while… if you don’t mind.”

You took his hand from his dog tags and encapsuled it with your own. You wished he wasn’t so nervous about expressing himself. You wished he was more comfortable speaking his mind. But he saw his presence in your life as an interruption, a nuisance, a tumor. He wondered when you’d excise him.

Society kept him on thin ice, no matter how many times he redeemed himself. And though he knew you loved him; he was scared of messing up the life you shared. He feared the ice beneath him would crack. And without you, he’d drown in the freezing water. 

“You don’t want to do anything?” you asked, “you just wanna stay here?”

He gave another nod, his eyes downcast.

A massive smile spread across your face as you melted into his body. “I was secretly hoping you’d wanna stay in.”

Bucky reach down and hooked a finger under your chin, tilting your face toward his. “You were?”

“Yeah, I mean, I always have a good time with you- no matter what we’re doing.” You thought back on all the things you’d experience together, the trips and the museum visits and the concerts. “But- I don’t know, I just like doing nothing with you. I like when it’s just us and we hang out at home, you know?”

Bucky wasn’t sure he heard you right. “Really? I thought that…” he rolled his eyes at his own assumption. Of course, he'd expect the worst. And of course, he was wrong. “I thought I was kind of... I don't know, anchoring you here. Dragging you down with all my excuses to stay home. I’ve been worried that I was boring you.”

The words made your heart crack. They nearly pushed you off balance, forcing you to take a step back and steady yourself. “You thought… you thought I was bored?”

“Yeah, I mean, you’re dating a ‘superhero’- or whatever…” he cringed at the word, knowing that ‘hero’ didn’t apply to him. “I’ve been thinking that… that maybe you had this grand idea in your head of what a relationship with me- with an Avenger- would look like, you know? Stark galas, me saving the world, exciting things happening every day.” A deep sigh left his chest as his hand once again found his dog tags. “And I think we both know that my life isn’t nearly that cool or interesting. It’s mostly just PTSD and people harassing me on the subway.”

“Bucky, baby, I’m not bored-”

“Are you sure?” The doubt in his eyes cut you to the bone. 

“Yes. Oh my god- I only suggested that we go do something because I didn’t want you to be bored."

"I'm not bored, I could never be bored- not with you." The words came quick and firm, like he thought he could stem your leaking anxiety with his assurances. "I'd just so rather be here. With you- just you. And going out always ends up making me feel like shit anyway, so..." At least twice during every outing, Bucky dealt with hecklers. Harassers. They called him names and threw things at him. Screamed and ran when he came near. He'd had the cops called on him more times than he could count.

"Buck, I’m a homebody, babe- I always have been. I just didn’t wanna tell you because I thought you wanted to go do stuff. Honestly," you laughed, "I fucking love doing nothing.”

Bucky pulled you to his chest where you belonged. The unfounded fears he held bout your relationship never came to fruition. He knew they were inaccurate and misguided. But he couldn’t stop himself from believing them.

“And hey, I didn’t start dating you because you’re an Avenger- I was never looking for high speed car chases or you fighting maniacal supervillains in our living room,” you said. “I just wanna be with you. Plain and simple.”

Bucky knew you were telling the truth- but how long could this last? How much time did he have with you before you grew tired of this life with him? How long would he be enough? He didn’t have anything to offer you- not money or social capital. You were simply worth more than Bucky.

In almost record time, he found himself spiraling with no chance of return.

But, as though you’d read his mind, you saved him from the rabbit hole. “I don’t want anything from you- no galas or photo shoots. I just want to be with you. I want you. You’re enough- more than enough.”

“But, doll-”

You held up a hand silencing him. “What do you want from me?”

He stared at you, confused. “I don’t… what do you mean?”

“What are you hoping to get out of this? By being in a relationship with me, what are you trying to gain?” 

“Nothing…” he said, his voice soft yet firm. “I love you- I just want to be with you.”

“Exactly!” You tugged him into the living room and pulled him down onto the couch, demanding that his body rest atop yours. “This is all I want from you. I just want time, closeness. That’s all- that’s all I’ll ever ask of you.”

Bucky’s muscles slackened as the feeling of your touch washed over him. He breathed easier, felt his heart rate slow. His chin rested in the crook of your neck, his stubble scratching at your skin. “This is what I want from you, doll. All I’ll ever want.”

“Good,” you gave a contented sigh. “And let me tell ya, now that the truth is on the table and we’re gonna be staying in more often… we’re gonna save so much money.”

“Money we can use for take-out!” Bucky said. “I know we ate breakfast like half an hour ago but the anxiety burned off all my French toast. So, I’m gonna need to order some lunch soon.” He pressed a line of kisses to your neck before hopping up from the couch in search of the stash of take-out menus.

This was where you wanted to be. Apartment 381 on Bleeker Street. Complete with its warped floors and painted-shut windows. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it was home. This was where Bucky told you he loved you for the first time. Where you cooked him recipes from your childhood. Where he almost burned down the building because he didn’t know how to use an air fryer. 

The small space with its water damage and metric ton of take-out menus was better any high-profile event or fancy gala. It was your home- the home you shared with Bucky. And that’s all you ever wanted.

——————————

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[your-eternal-lies]

_  LOVE IS A CHOICE (chapter one)

Main Navigation || Please follow @your-eternal-library for all my fanfiction updates.

PAIRING — Bucky Barnes x Agent f!Reader SERIES SUMMARY — In your experience, relationships only bring drama and heartbreak, and you want absolutely none of it. That is, until an act of sheer recklessness brings Bucky Barnes back into your life.

WARNINGS — Mentions of divorce/failed relationship/marriage, insomnia, ptsd, war, past character death, animal death, grief, blood.

LOVE IS A CHOICE

CHAPTER ONE

You sit in shock trying to digest the unexpected news. You stare up at your friend, who tells you of her impending divorce with an air of nonchalance as she cradles her ten-month-old baby in her arms. Meanwhile, her four-year-old toddler hobbles around the table, having lost interest in the grown-ups’ conversation. 

Lisa, an ex-agent, an old friend from your SHIELD days, had been with her spouse for over a decade. You had always been a cynic when it came to romantic relationships, but you thought she truly hit the jackpot. She had everything most people strive for: a house in the suburbs, a loving husband, and two beautiful children. 

And now she’s telling you that her marriage, and her entire life, has basically just imploded for a second time. Her husband just up and left, told her that this—the white picket fence, the minivan, the two daughters, the life she had helped build—was never really what he wanted. Lisa couldn’t understand, but he simply just said he didn’t want her anymore. 

You were incredulous. You knew Lisa’s husband; he was your friend, you went to their wedding, you shook his hand and smiled at him, listened to him gush about his first-born daughter when you visited them in the hospital. 

He couldn’t have spoken up sooner? Literally at any time during the last decade? Ideally, before they got married. Ideally, before he made two children with a woman he apparently never wanted? 

Just like that. Ten whole years of claiming to love someone and it all goes down the drain overnight. An entire family, who was by all means happy and united just days ago, now irrevocably blown apart. 

Your heart aches. You’ve seen more than your fair share of failed marriages and relationships over the years. You understand that sometimes people change, that sometimes people drift apart, and sometimes it really isn’t anyone’s fault. 

But this? This is a whole new low. 

Lisa’s circumstances hit you particularly hard. You don’t even think she realizes just how shellshocked she herself looks, let alone you. Not knowing what else to do, having no words in your repertoire that can possibly bring her any comfort right now, you reach across the table to take her hand. 

She squeezes her fingers around yours, her eyes suddenly welling up with tears as she coos at her fussy baby. 

It’s official for you right then and there. Romance isn’t real, love is dead, and men are just trash. If love is a choice, then you’re making the choice to have absolutely nothing to do with it, because the drama and heartache just aren’t worth it. 

You look at Lisa’s two young children, who are innocent and sweet with their adorable chubby cheeks, and how their lives aren’t ever going to be the same now. You know your friend wouldn’t trade them for the world, she loves them to pieces, and she’s always wanted children—but she deserves to have this with someone who wanted it with her, with someone who would stand by her side as her partner, through thick and thin. 

Through your sympathy and disappointment, you make yourself a promise. This won’t ever happen to you. You won’t allow even a sliver of a chance.

You’d rather die than to give a man that much power over you, enough to potentially break your heart—and your entire life—in one fell swoop. 

Not again, anyway. 

Until you do.

While the rest of the world sleeps, Bucky Barnes stays up to bake. Bread, that is. 

Rest eludes him, and it has for years. Whenever it does come, it’s fleeting and full of noise—all flames and smoke and agony. So instead, he takes on a graveyard shift at an improvised little bakery with a clientele of just one, run directly out of a tiny remote cabin in the middle of the northern Canadian wilderness. 

This isn’t the future he’d envisioned for himself. Bucky never expected to look up one day and discover that his love, peace, and joy weren’t where he had left them. Who ever does? 

He never expected that the idea of going home would no longer bring him any sense of comfort, even though he had once spent so many nights dreaming about it in his youth, all the while sleeping directly under the moon, surrounded by young soldiers just like him. 

He remembers counting down the seconds until the war would end, but for him, the countdown always seemed to reset at some point or another. And home no longer exists for a man like him. Brooklyn used to be it, but now he just feels overwhelmed and wistful passing by the streets and shops that look nothing like he could remember. 

Amongst the team back in the stark white walls of the Avengers Compound, Bucky felt out of place. All he wanted to do was disappear, shrink back from any and all attention aimed his way. He’d tense under the constant scrutiny, afraid he would make one wrong move and commit a fatal mistake. 

And then it wouldn’t just be a bunch of nameless faceless soldiers who’d be at risk. If he messed up now, it was his best friend on the line, the only one who stood up for him against the world when they were all calling for his head. 

It would be good people on the line, those who picked up the mantle of Earth’s mightiest heroes and took the job seriously. Bucky couldn’t take that chance. 

Especially not when one of them always seemed to be glaring daggers in his direction, as if waiting for him to screw up, as if lying in wait for Bucky to validate all of his reservations about allowing him a place on the team to begin with. 

Tony Stark. A living, persistent, painful reminder of the innocent blood etched permanently into the lines of his mismatched hands. 

So, the former Sergeant of the 107th Infantry Regiment packed up his bags and left the New York behind. It wasn’t the place for him, no matter how hard Steve had tried to make room for him there. 

But it weighed too heavily on Bucky’s conscience to just walk away completely, even after all this time. Even after his therapist suggested it might be good for him to make a clean break once and for all. 

After months of consideration, and asking Natasha for advice, she handed him the file on the team’s seldom-visited safe house tucked away amongst the pine trees and snow-capped mountains of northern Canada. It was currently unmanned, a lot of turnover in that position; nobody remained as the keeper of that safe house for more than a few months at a time. 

Bucky, however, took the file from her hands, taking in the photo of a small rustic cabin disguised as a modest five-room bed and breakfast, miles and miles away from the closest town in each direction, surrounded by nothing but forest and snow, and decided it was perfect. 

Steve had been reluctant to let him go, but Bucky wanted—needed—a place of his own. A place where he could feel like nobody was watching or listening. He needed to feel comfortable enough to close his eyes at night, to scream out his demons whenever they came for him, where he might feel okay about letting himself heal. 

And then he waited. 

Because that’s what they say, isn’t it? That time heals all wounds? But he waited and waited, yet happiness showed no signs of returning. Still, he supposed he could grow content to live out the rest of his days in a meaningless, almost mindless existence. At the very least, he would be alone for it. 

The occasional mission he joined back in the States, usually with some combination of Steve, Natasha, or Sam at his side, provided him with enough spontaneity to prevent him from growing restless. It provided him with some semblance of purpose, a happy illusion that he could somehow wipe away all that red in his ledger, as Natasha would put it—or at least attempt to balance it out. 

And when he got out of bed one night, tired and weary but unable to sleep, for some inexplicable reason he went venturing into the kitchen for something to eat. He wasn’t normally the type to snack during the night, but hey, who needs to count calories when you’ve got a magical serum in your veins that keeps you fit and healthy no matter what you do? 

He rummaged through the cupboards, and paused when he came across an unopened bag of flour, wrinkling his brows together as he couldn’t remember buying it. 

Well, whatever. There’s a lot he doesn’t remember, after all. 

He opened it up, dipped his flesh hand inside, his fingertips sinking into the soft plush powder. And before he knew it, he was kneading balls of dough with flour-covered hands, cutting lines and patterns into the tops of unbaked loaves before they went into the oven. 

How did he even know how to do that? Still, his hands move with practised ease, with precision, as if someone must have shown him about a hundred times. But he highly doubted his handlers at Hydra ever spent any of their valuable fascist time teaching him how to bake. 

The wind howled outside in freezing cold temperatures, but Bucky stayed warm and toasty inside his cabin as it filled with the sweet smell of freshly baked bread. A marmalade sun crept over the horizon and painted the rustic walls a dreamy shade of orange-pink. Bucky sat in front of the oven, staring through its front window at the way the loaves slowly rose with hot air, as if with life. 

Then the strangest feeling came over him, his own chest feeling like it was expanding in almost the same way. 

He took the pans out of the oven almost as soon as the timer went off, immediately tearing off a piece at the end of a loaf, sinking his teeth into a morsel of warm soft bread. Tears sprang to his eyes as memories came flooding back. 

The person who had taught him all of this was named Winnifred. 

But to him, she would only ever be known as Ma. 

And even though his grief was gargantuan, Bucky smiled to himself as he ate. It was the first time in a long time that he remembered something good, something other than calamity and blood. 

The strands of his mother’s long brown hair coming undone from the messy bun at the nape of her neck. 

The way her cheek always felt cool and smooth against his whenever they embraced, the scent of her perfume—like magnolias in May—filling his nose whenever she held him close. 

The sound of her voice, soft and warm like the bread she baked, in a way that only a loving mother’s could be. 

Baking soon became a late-night ritual, his way of remembering and honouring his late mother, of self-soothing after a restless night, and reconnecting with his past—some of his memories occasionally returning, coming together like the dough he’d formed with his own two hands. 

His companion simply watches. She doesn’t speak much, but sometimes, as silly as it sounds, Bucky gets this sneaking suspicion that she can—and was simply choosing not to. 

Alpine blinks her big blue eyes at him, regarding him with an impervious tilt of her tiny little head, her ears pointed in his direction. 

He’d never been much of a cat person before, either. 

It wasn’t lost on Bucky that his new home is surrounded by treacherous yet breathtaking icy capped mountains, similar to the ones that used to guard his underground dungeon back in Siberia. Still, he names the cat after them, the only thing worth looking at while he lived in secret, like a ghost story. 

His therapist told him it might help, a little akin to rewriting history with his own pen, reassigning meaning to words and symbols that used to cause him pain. 

And Alpine never brought him pain. For a creature so small, she only ever brought him companionship and solace. 

Bucky came across her unexpectedly, only weeks after he moved into the cabin and finally unpacked the rest of his boxes. She popped out of the snow like a mischievous little child, causing him to drop the logs he’d collected for the cast iron fireplace in surprise. 

Despite her games, she’d been too skittish to let him close enough to take her inside, and he had been too awkward and unsure of himself to even attempt it. Instead, in the days that followed, they simply coexisted, only briefly acknowledging each other if they ever crossed paths again. 

But as the Arctic summer began drawing to a close, he began seeing her everywhere. Her milky coat should have kept her well-hidden, but it was her eyes that gave her away—bright and blue, like a cloudless sky, near impossible to miss against the undisturbed background of white snow. 

He’d be chopping more wood for the fireplace when he’d suddenly see her out of the corner of his eye, sniffing around the pile of logs. He’d been waiting in the lawn, searching the skies for any signs of an incoming quinjet, which would arrive any minute to pick him up for a new mission. 

Bucky would startle when he turned and saw her perched atop one of the wooden chairs on the front porch, head always slightly tiled to one side as she watched him curiously. 

He’d be sitting outside for some fresh air on a warm day (well, as warm as it could get around these parts), a thick plaid blanket across his lap, ready to relax with a cup of hot cocoa, only to jump and spill it all over the snow when she appeared almost magically at his feet. 

But then he heard her distant cries one day, unable to resist following them into the forest, scanning the trees and squinting at the snow until his well-trained eyes finally found her. 

He stood, brows knit together, hands clenched tightly into fists at his sides, as he stared into the makeshift den she had made for her kittens. He didn’t know. 

But it didn’t matter now. They all lay motionless, every last one of them, almost as if they were asleep. Alpine nudged them over and over again with her frost-covered nose, meowing desperately in a language he simultaneously didn’t understand and in another that he did. 

Bucky finally scooped her up then, ignoring her protests and the way her claws and teeth scratched and bit at his hands. He took her home, listening to her cries the whole way back, even as she squirmed and struggled, trying to get back to her babies. 

She scratched at his door for days trying to get out, before eventually resorting to hiding in his bathroom when she realized that wasn’t going to happen. Her blue eyes admonished him every time he went inside, but he remained unapologetic. 

He wasn’t going to let her out again, not when he knew that the harsh wilderness of the upcoming winter would easily take her too. 

It took a long time before she emerged, exploring the rest of the cabin with an air of feigned indifference. She would stare out the windows for hours, just watching the snow pile up, probably wondering. Probably lamenting. He’d set down a bowl of food that she would ignore for a little bit, before her hunger gave her no choice but to turn away from the glass. 

Her little pink nose twitched as she sniffed the food, and Bucky cautiously reached out a hand. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to do, but he froze with a ray of afternoon sunlight struck his silver arm. It blinded him for a moment, a stark reminder of why he was alone—of why he had chosen this existence in the first place. 

And so he stood there, his hand suspended just above her head, not really knowing where to go from there. 

After a few moments of watching each other, he could have sworn she let out a sigh of resignation. Bucky will swear up and down to anyone who will listen that she looked almost bemused as she lifted her head, stretching out her neck to touch her forehead against his open palm. 

Her eyes sparkled as if with stars, and suddenly, Bucky had the whole universe in his hands. He’d heard the saying, and he supposes it’s true: the cat chooses you, not the other way around. 

Alpine likes to watch as Bucky works, even though he rarely ever allows her to partake in whatever he makes. He always tells her that it’s full of empty calories, insisting that his own eating of all the freshly baked goods is done purely out of love and not, in fact, selfish gluttony. If only cats could roll their eyes. 

She watches him, making a game out of placing her tail in the path of his hands as he kneads, only to sweep it to the side at the last second when he goes to bat it out of the way. 

But suddenly, she looks up from the kitchen counter, eyes darting towards the door. She lets out a rare meow, as if she’s actually speaking to him, her ears twitching as she picks up a sound he also hears. 

There’s someone outside the cabin. 

The sound of footsteps aren’t steady, uneven and choppy, like someone is stumbling through the snow, despite the fact that nobody else should even be in the area due to the dense forest and isolated location of the cabin. Still, this is technically a bed and breakfast, and he is technically equipped to take customers. 

But something doesn’t feel right. Bucky wipes his hands on his apron, pausing when the sounds of footsteps stop before the newfound silence is broken by a muffled thud somewhere beyond the door. He waits to see if he can hear anything else. Just more silence. 

Bucky takes slow and deliberate steps towards the front door, his stomach clenching with the anticipation of a fight with every step. There is something in the air, the smell of something he hasn’t smelled in a while, but he remembers it just as clear as day. 

It’s the smell of blood. He reaches underneath an armoire in the entryway where he’s hidden one of his guns, carefully pulling it out of the drawer. He’s about to throw open the door, point the barrel of his pistol out into the darkness, when it hits him. 

Blood, yes, but also wild berries. Soft violets. Sandalwood and sage. 

His heart plummets. 

He opens the door with a bang, letting in a dusting of freshly fallen snow and the biting cold of a stray northern current. He sees a figure lying in the bank, surrounded by a growing pool of red, bleeding into a ghastly familiar shade of pink in the frost. 

Bucky’s screams of your name gets lost in the howling wind.

« Series Masterlist || Chapter 2 »

Notes — This is my first time posting a fic here, so please be nice! I would also love to hear some nicely-worded feedback lol, if you would be so kind 🥺

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x you #summer’s fics

[buckyalpine]

Tw

Hi sweet dolcezza (that is Italian and means sweetness so sweet sweetness :) )

Hope you are doing well, I want to thank you again for your beautiful blog and wonderful works.

I am reading the last things you posted, beautiful as always!

Since I live for the drama, the sadness, the darkness...

I was thinking about how a broken boy with traumas, Bucky 🫢, would react about his girlfriend having mental health problem.

Maybe she has been developing them...

She wasn't always like that, she lost her sparkle and he doesn't know her like this, he sees another person, another woman, another human.

He can't understand and is confused, maybe mad.

On one side I think about him being supportive, on the other I think about him being disrespectful and invalidating, like he had lived major traumas but, he says "he is not complaining so much about it or playing the victim" like her.

-I had this hint because my mental health is not good, I have severe OCD, since I was a kid basically I remember being this way since the age of five four. I am struggling with ed and borderline personality disorder.

And I had partners that, even if they lived traumas, still invalidated mine a lot and called me names, so the were basically toxic.-

And i can't picture where Bucky could fall. Toxic? Supportive?

I love him, but sometimes he acts shady and not always I can read him.

I see him dark most of the time.

But they can always repair the relationship and be together or not?

(I am problematic with toxic guys ahahahaha)

Sorry for this and my life story, noone asked about buy still. I just think you are the best person to write something as deep.

I really hope you are doing good and enjoying your day so far.

A lot of kisses and hugs and support.

🌺

18+

Babes we are one in the same with toxic men. I like to think there's the version of Bucky who has so much love and empathy for others going through mental health struggles and then there’s the Bucky who loves you but doesn’t know how to process things and acts impulsively. Here, we look at the second. 

Warnings: Angst, Mental health issues, some toxic behavior, (happy ending, they learn to fix things)

Disclaimer: Some of the stuff in this fic are things I/others have gone though so please refrain from comments about why the reader stayed or what the reader should have done or how the story should have gone. Sometimes I get super sucked into the angsty parts and struggle to undo the damage so don’t read too much into it. 

I imagine it starts off bad because Bucky's still learning to deal with his own mental health and there are times where he can be selfish without meaning to. He's so used to having you comfort and take care of him, he doesn't know what to do when you start to change. He’s been through so much, he can’t imagine someone else feeling his level of anguish.

You’re no longer the same person he fell in love with. Your sparkle is gone. A grey dullness encasing you. He doesn’t know when things changed or why but he just wants you back; the distance between you both gets worse with each passing day. You try your best to still be there for him because you know he needs it; you love him with all your heart even when your own feels heavy. 

"Baby, are you okay?" 

"I’m fine"

Bucky practically scoffs when you ask him how he’s doing because you should know he’s never fine. He’s never okay. He doesn't know why you bother asking him when its the same shit he deals with on a daily basis. 

You can't bring yourself to tell him how you're feeling because you know he doesn't have the capacity to help you when he's struggling himself. He shrugs, not knowing what else to say, letting you wallow in your misery, taking his frustrations out during his workouts instead. Things continue to worsen; you fall deeper in your spiral while Bucky continues to shut you not, realizing it’s you who needs him. 

“Can we talk?”

You’re desperate at this point, hoping maybe he’ll at least listen but he shakes his head instead. Bucky can’t stop the bitterness that starts to rise in his chest; he missed his ma, his sisters. His missed living in a world where he understood the things around him, where he didn’t have to feel like a lost toddler every time he stepped outside. His feelings have nothing to do with you, he really does love you but all the bitterness spills onto the one person who is always there for him. 

“What’s the point y/n” 

“I-I just feel...” You shrug, not knowing how to tell Bucky of all people that you felt empty. 

“What do you feel. I don’t know what you even complain for” 

“I feel like I have no one Bucky” You felt your stomach drop when his eyes bore into you, as if he's challenging your feelings. 

“You still have your cousins, other family, friends. You complain so much but you’re so spoiled. I’m going through shit too, but you don’t see me acting like a victim”

You swallow the anger that tries to rise, trying to understand his point of view. It all comes to a boiling point because you're trying your hardest to hold it together while he doesn’t see your spiral break down.  You felt your heart splinter; after every time you had held him, loved him, cared for him, he looked at you with emptiness. 

“Bucky, I know you’re going through things-

“Things? You think I can just turn this fucking shit off y/n? I’m not fucking normal, and you’ll never fucking get it. Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you, I’ll stay at Steve’s tonight”

He makes his way to the door and you know you can’t be alone tonight, there’s too much going on inside.

“Please don’t” your voice is a plea, your practically begging at this point. You can feel your throat tighten because you feel selfish for struggling when he’s been through so much worse.

“Bucky please stay” you trail behind him, your knees shaking. You try to tug at his wrist but he doesn’t let you. When you finally try to cling onto his arm, his composure breaks. 

“GET OFF ME” he pulls out of your grasp, sending you stumbling back. He’s usually mindful of his strength but he doesn’t think and you lose your balance, ending up on the floor. He freezes in utter disbelief with himself, he’d never in a million years even try to hurt you. 

“Fuck, baby I’m so so-”

“Don’t”

Your eyes are now stone cold, your voice was low. He tries to help you up but you scramble away from him, adding distance between you both.  He takes a step forward again but something isn’t right, he finally sees how broken you look. 

“Y/n….”

“GET OUT”

Your voice tore through the walls and his eyes are wide with fear because he's never seen you so broken. He’s never heard you raise your voice like this; you’d always spoken to him softly. He’s scared because he didn’t mean to push you to your breaking point and he doesn’t know how to take it back. 

"I-"

“GET THE FUCK OUT” 

You pick yourself off the floor, your heart beating through your chest. You practically see red, after everything you had done for him, he called you selfish; you sat through every one of his panic attacks, his depressed days, his nightmares. He couldn't listen to you for one night. 

"You fucking piece of shit"

You angrily tried to wipe your face, moving away from him to pack a bag, not wanting to be near him for a minute longer. You go straight to your room while he runs after you, panic rising, he wants to cry but he can’t, not right now. 

“Doll I’m sorry-

“I don’t care” You rummage through some of your belongings, feeling yourself go numb. You felt like your mind didn’t even belong to you anymore, your body moving in autopilot. Bucky hates the vacant look on your face, he wants to hold you and tell you he’s sorry. He tries to wrap his arms around you, not knowing what else to do but you shove him away, shaking your head.

“Don’t-don’t touch me, don’t ever fucking touch me again”

He watches helplessly when you rip yourself away, shoving a few things into your duffle bag, not meeting his eyes. 

"I-I don't fucking love you, I-I'm d-d-one with you"

“Baby please don’t go” 

“Oh, so when you beg, I have to stay?” You scoff, letting out a humorless laugh “Fuck off”

He’s terrified now because while your movements are robotic, your body is shaking and you don’t even seem to notice. Bucky hates seeing you trembling; you’re about to leave the room and walk out but he stops you. 

“Bucky, move” You suck in a breath, your nails digging into your hands, but he stays rooted in place. 

“No bubba”

“Don’t call me that” Your voice trembles, another surge of anger flowing through you when he tries to reach out for you. “I SAID DON’T TOCUH ME”

He pulls you to his chest and you try to rip yourself free but he doesn’t let you go. 

“LET GO”

Bucky shakes his head, hugging you tighter, his tears dampening your hair. The screams and wails ripping from your chest burn his insides, you desperately try to escape but he cradles you closer. 

“M’sorry”

“L-let me g-o”

“M’sorry baby, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” He doesn’t care that your hitting his chest, he doesn’t care that your hands keep striking him. He can feel your body give way, your breaths uneven, months of pain spilling out all at once. He hugs you tighter like he should have done ages ago, realizing you needed him more than ever. Your body continues to fight but your angry screams turn into pained sobs. 

“I’m so sorry my babygirl” 

He carefully carries you to the bed where he can hold you in his lap. He tries to think of what you do for him, warming your body, rubbing his hands along your back and arms. He feels awful because you always take such good care of him and he was grasping at straws trying to do the same for you. You deserved so much more. 

“Shhhh” His lips brush against your forehead, one hand gently rubbing your chest while the other continues to soothe your back so he can regulate your breathing. “Slowly baby, breathe with me, okay?” 

You say nothing, but you try to follow his breaths, letting him take care of you. He continues to tell you how much he loves and cares for you, how sorry is he for hurting you. Exhaustion takes over and you allow yourself to fall asleep with him. A part of you is still angry but your too weak to move and you need to be held.  

You wake up in the middle of the night feeling his chest tremble against you. His soft sniffles are muffled as he tries to keep his cries down while cuddling you close. 

“Bucky?” You lift your head to see his broken expression. 

“I’m s-sorry” He chokes out, breaking down. He feels selfish again because he should be the one comforting you but he was angry with himself. “I-I can’t believe I hurt you angel” 

You move up so you can wipe some of his tears, his face puffy having cried for hours through the night. 

“I just needed you” You gently your fingers through his hair trying to calm him down. 

“I-I said shit I never should have said baby, I’m sorry. M’sorry sweet girl” 

“Why did you say those things” you whisper, your voice still hoarse.

“I’m so sorry angel, I- there’s not excuse, I’m sorry I was so selfish doll”

You nod, still feeling drained though a part of you feels better. You hadn’t fully forgiven him yet but you knew he meant every word plus there was no one else in the world you loved as much as him. He thinks about the way he mistreated you, realizing he really didn’t deserve your forgiveness at all. Your words replay in his head and his breaths become shallow. 

“Do-do you not love me anymore?” His voice is a broken whisper. You knew you didn’t mean it. The thought nearly kills him. He would have gone through hydra again over ever losing your love. Your thumb brushes over his lips silencing him. 

“Please don’t say you don’t love me”  He nuzzles himself further into your side, hugging you tightly, his voice a whimper. “Please, I’m sorry” 

“I was just angry Bucky. I love you” He calms down slightly but hes still on edge with himself. He wants to do better. He wants to take care of you. You had been there through everything for him and you deserved the same love a thousand times over. 

“I promise I’ll try harder angel” 

He stays true to his word. 

It doesn’t resolve overnight.

But he learns. And so do you.

He’s patient with you. He gives you endless love. He has his own hard days, and so do you but your by each others side through it all. He sees your sparkle return brighter than ever, 

Because he really does love you. 

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[whetstonefires]

“The Justice League and the Avengers are very different teams”

In what respect? Like, how would you say both teams differ in terms of overall function, how they respond to threats, how they’re viewed by their respective publics, etc?

😂 who even are you?

anyway, these two teams have been reformed and rebooted so many times and are the flagships of the two juggernauts of their industry, so their natures have evolved and influenced one another heavily over the decades as you see armies tend to do in prolonged warfare, so there is probably not one single statement you could make about either one that's always true.

it would be crazy to try to explain the difference in diegetic terms, because those aren't goalposts they're hockey pucks. the difference in kind exists at a publishing level.

fundamentally, the Avengers was designed to rest, in narrative terms, on everyone's personal relationships and neuroses, and develop soap opera subplots and office drama around how these intersected with each other and various villains. because in the 60s Marvel was launching the Big New Thing which was heightened naturalism and relatability in comics.

(spiderman and the whole genre of underdog superhero who can't catch a break rather than slyly winking at the audience as the world looks down on his secret identity, not knowing how impressive he really is, dates to this pivot of Marvel's. both Superman and Captain America did the latter in their early days, which is highly dissonant from Cap and Bucky looking at them today, but Cap was retired from print for like 20 years and got heavily rebooted for the new age.)

they had an actual mansion they could all live in, and many of them did, for a solid chunk of time early on. there's a reason people swung so hard for the 'everyone lives in stark tower' scenario foreshadowed at the end of Avengers (2012)--that's how the Avengers are! you bang the action figures together and give them angst and bonding about it!

they fractured repeatedly under the weight of all that drama (because psychology and because stories that don't end are unable to make any narrative sense, and breaking up a team is honestly a half-decent substitute in the Eternal Now of big comics) and at this point the current avengers is much more impersonal and even pays salaries, like basically the commune-underwritten-by-rich-buddy has reincorporated as an NGO.

but it still runs on the same types of narrative tensions mostly--huge epic stuff will be happening, but the Avengers tension comes down to whether everyone really hates T'Challa this month for that thing he did. and what this is doing to group cohesion.

the Justice League on the other hand was not built for character-driven story.

they've done plenty of them, after it became the done thing, and even imitated the Avengers and did the diegetic collapsing and reforming arcs and so on. but it's not fundamental to how a Justice League runs; you could do a super long run where the interpersonal tensions never rose above B-plot status and it wouldn't be tonally dissonant.

it would be weird for many of the Justice League to live together--when a character is shown living in Justice League facilities it is usually to signify that they are isolated and don't have a life and this is Bad. the Martian Manhunter and Maxwell Lord dominated era was deliberately aping the Avengers imo and came out weird as a result, and Lord turning out to be a mind-controlling supervillain was not unrelated to how weird most people felt it was.

the Justice League is like. joining a club rather than a frat. like being on the board of an NGO, rather than taking a full-time job there.

you know? the type of commitment is different. the level of intimacy is different.

cap and iron man's relationship has generally played out primarily in the context of their positions within the Avengers, even though it spills into their own titles, while superman and batman have had entire joint books just for them, and their friendship has not usually been allowed to take up much page time in Justice League issues. because that would be indecorous.

commercially speaking, Justice League is first and foremost an easy-buy showcase for high-profile hero characters and anyone you want to burnish up by displaying adjacent to them.

They've totally gotten messy with it over the years but like. I think the seminal Justice League internal dramas were 1) that time Barry Allen killed the guy who'd killed his first wife and was about to kill his second one and they put him on trial 2) that time Wonder Woman killed a dude who told her under truth compulsion that the only way to stop him from mind-controlling Superman to murder people was to kill him and they put her on trial 3) blah blah Batman paranoia exploited by eeeeevil (barely counts imo) and 4) that extremely oogy time it turned out the Justice League had been using magic to forcible reform criminals and erased Batman's memories of this being a thing when he found out and objected because ethics wtf.

That last one was sufficiently story-breaking they started pretending it hadn't happened as quickly as possible. Which was amazingly quickly considering Identity Crisis was the basis for things like killing off the presiding Robin's remaining parent. They actually soft-reset the whole world fairly soon after by timeskipping over most of a year and being like ahem anyway the past is in the past. And then the universe just kept serially ending for over a decade, so it's been weird.

Justice League has reliably gotten a shiny coat of polish with every reboot tho lol.

(Still not over the way they were like, okay we're wiping Green Lantern back to Hal but now we don't have the token black guy everyone who saw the cartoon expects, let's promote Cyborg people know him because of that other cartoon, ah shit he doesn't work without a partner to do bits with. well we can't put garfield logan in the justice league it's too prestigious, he's from the doom patrol for a reason, yeah i know we've had folks like plastic man shut up this is a Cool Sexy new reboot where Superman and Wonder Woman are fucking, we're not using friggin beast boy. how about Captain Marvel? yeah ok shazam is An Silly Joker now and besties with this 20 year old who may or may not know about his elaborate cognitive situation. i don't actually think they put even this much effort into it but otoh maybe they debated really hard and this was the compromise.

........actually vic could probably work up a decent oppositional patter with eel o'brien ik they were never gonna use plastic man but i don't hate it.)

Right. There was a point.

Obviously I'm probably missing a few big dramas here, but the point is DC was trying to keep up with the fantastic dysfunction of the Avengers because if it bleeds it leads, but even in the Dark Age they could not dive in groin first without tarnishing valued brands. The Justice League is simply not built to tell the same types of stories that the Avengers are.

In Justice League stories the narrative will typically be split in focus to a varying degree between the problems created by the villain and the personal emotional situations--the problems--of the heroes. Usually the villain leads and provides the emotional stakes. Only occasionally, overall, do problems between the heroes rise to the same level. Even when they're having them canonically in some other book Justice League tends to be ruled not the right place for that.

Secret identities are traditionally kept to a minimum in the League and League stories, though what this means in practice has gone through some shifts.

This is not just the difference between DC and Marvel house styles, though of course that's part of it, nor is it the League being older, because it isn't by any significant amount. It replaced the Justice Society of America in 1960. Other teams, even the Titans to an extent which was just the junior wing of the League at first, were allowed to get more into the grit sooner, and have the experimental story of Speedy's career-ending heroin problem happen and intra-team dating drama take the foreground, and all that. Doom Patrol was all about the dysfunction, god.

But the Justice League is simply not designed to be that kind of a team book, and when it's occasionally written that way the seams usually creak.

#ask #hoc est meum #Anonymous #despite racing to the bottom of the pit in many ways #dc has never stopped being fundamentally more conservative than marvel #somehow even now that marvel is disney owned #like partly that's just dc being in internal meltdown mode #but also like the incredible hulk got to be a hellacious horror comic under disney etc #soon i will be out of quarantine and these asks will stop working #comics #damn i spent so long writing this shit i almost lost my duolingo streak #i need to make different life choices #i'm putting away laundry and going to bed