#and before you come at me about showbiz and how hard it is to find a double

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Mini Series

ENHYPEN as Taylor Swift Songs

STYLE

synopsis: sim jaeyun is your style, your type of guy. mainly the reason why despite the complicated relationship with him, you seem to always find it hard to make him leave and finding yourself with the same ending.

pairings: jake sim x reader

word count: 9k.

warnings: a pinch of angst, suggestive (a little). jake being clingy and touchy. hint of cheating. grammatical errors. let me know if i missed some.

fic moodboard › here

note: i'm actually surprised that this fic is not as long as i expected it to be, but anyway i had fun writing it so i hope you enjoy reading. style is one of my favorite queen taylor's songs so i really did think alot about the plot for this and of course the jake sim fits it so well. i love him so much. please re-blog and send me asks. i would really appreciate your kind feedbacks. thank you and ily. stay safe.

“Lee Y/n made it to headlines after the announcement of her partaking in this new big series coming up this fall. She will be the main female lead for this upcoming drama and people are on fire. They are so happy about the casting and couldn’t wait for it to be aired. Wah,” your friend exclaimed with exaggerated look on her face while she reads an article through her phone.

Shaking your head lightly with a grin on your face, you gently moving your wine glass you are holding. The sweet aroma of the liqour made it into your nose causing for you to feel more relaxed. It was addictive and somehow nostalgic.

“You really did it this comeback.” she couldn’t hide the excitement through her voice as she giggles and continued scrolling on her phone.

“Well, my management did a great job on choosing this project.” the humble comment made her scoffed before playfully throwing chips at your direction.

“Oh come on Ms. Humble of Korea, give yourself more credits.” she jokes and smiled widely at you.

“You know you deserve this, right?” her tone this time is softer, letting you know how sincere she is. You can’t help but to return her wholesome gaze as you went close to her for a hug.

These months have been rough for you and only few people in your life knows about it. Your bestfriend, (name), are one of these people. You admit that this project is the biggest one so far that you’ll be working on. It makes you nervous and worry of how it will turn out, but excitement tops all of it. All in all, you’re just happy to be back on track. Glad to finally be back on doing what you love to do.

Being out from the big screen for months was no joke. A lot of questions are formed and articles starts to appear out of nowhere. Vogue speculations and rumors media creats aboutyou to gain attention was horrendous. That’s one of the things you hate in the field you are in. You love your work, there’s no doubt with that. It’s just it drains your energy most of the time. Having your movements being watched by a lot of people all the time sucks big time. Surely, showbiz isn’t for the weak.

“Oh, great.” you snaps out of your trance when your friend spoke again. She looks a little annoyed while still on her phone. Seems like she’s looking at something that caught her attention.

“Look who’s back in the country.” she flips her phone to face you and your eyes squints a bit because of the brightness. Once adjusted, your eyes focused on the article flashing through her screen. Big bold letters caught your attention right away.

‘ENHYPEN back in the country after a successful world tour. The group said to be having rest after a very successful world tour and then prepare for their next come back. Read more...’ it read. You gulped and felt your heart race after reading it. The picture attached bellow the heading was the latest picture of the said group departing an airport from america.

Your eyes locked on the guy with a black mullet hair. His slightly tanner skin makes him extra noticeable when he stood beside one of his fair skinned members. Flashes of cameras reflects through his big doe eyes that makes him look so innocent. Contrary to this was his sinful looking plump lips that lies beneath his pointy nose. Jake Sim, sure is breathtaking.

Its been months ever since the last time you’ve seen him and now that he’s back in the country, it makes you feel a lot of things. Things that only him can execute.

You are snapped out from your thoughts when your friend pulled the phone away, instant regret glints her face. Her eyes are squinting at you, staring as if she just caught you doing a heinous crime. Feeling flushed from being too affected by the article and your friend entirely knowing what’s going on inside your head, you glanced away before clearing your throat.

“Seriously, get over him.” she sighs sounding a little frustrated.

Well, can you blame her? She just knew how things between you and Jake are very intricate. The two of you announced a public break up months ago. The fans, although felt sad about it, didn’t really got too affected by it because that isn’t the first time it happened.

You’re known as one of the rising young actress in your generation. Because of your undeniably talent with acting and your beauty, people sure loves seeing you on screens.

On the other hand, Jake Sim. Oh how to properly start on describing him... It feels easy and difficult at the same time. Easy, because you knew him very well and difficult because you might blabber things unconsciously due to overwhelming emotions.

Jake Sim’s name is very loud on the industry of music. Their group, Enhypen, is making big all over the whole world right now. And you think that they do deserve the fame and all since they are indeed talented.

If he’s amazing on camera, Jake is just dreamy behind them.

He is definitely your ideal type. Tall, handsome, smart, can sing and dance, good physique, have a very sexy accent, soft spoken, loves animals specially dogs, family oriented, financially stable and a complete gentlemen. What more can you ask, right? He’s definitely the one for you. He’s 100%, no doubt, your style.

“Its easier said than done.” your eyes dropped on your glass of wine and slowly, you took a sip.

Awkward silence follows after and your friend could not help but feel slightly bad for bringing up Jake. Her hand moves even before her brain could stop her when she showed you that article. Maybe she just got used to showing everything that has got something to do with the said idol.

To describe your relationship with Jake won’t be easy. Yes, you may agree that the two of have feelings for each other. People always says you two are soulmates, puzzle pieces that completes the whole picture and a very cute couple. You can’t deny that being with him brings tremendous joy within you and that you are happy together, but you couldn’t find the right answer as to why you two always fall apart.

When your gaze drifts towards her, she opens her mouth to say something only to be interrupted by a faint ‘ding’ sound from your phone. A text message from someone just saved you two from an awkward silence. Brows furrowed out of confusion, you pulled out your phone to see who texted you.

And your heart almost drops and palms instantly sweats at the sight of a contact name you haven't seen for a while. After clearing your throat that felt extra dry despite having sips of wine, you sets your glass over the center table to prevent any possible accident.

Jake Sim: Hey.

One word text message was enough to shake your whole system up. To think that he have this much effect on you kind of pisses you off. This isn’t how it suppose to be. His name shouldn’t bother you this way and he should’ve been blocked by now.

You draws in a sigh, trying to calm youself down. A glance over your friend gave you an assurance that she’s now busy with her phone again. You utter your silent prayers that she didn’t saw your reaction just now. She would’ve known what its all about right away.

You: ?

You are biting your nails consciously while (im)patiently waiting for him to text back. It didn’t took him long and you felt a bit dizzy just by thinking he’s waiting for your reply too. Its making your heart beat crazily fast.

Jake: Where are you?

Throat feeling dry once again, you gulped and licked your lips because they felt a little dry as well. As to why is still a question for you.

You: Why?

After the message was sent, the small ‘read’ word plastered below it. Right away, he was typing his reply. He seems eager. To think that it was you he was longing for you is making you tremble in excitement. Even no matter how hard you deny you missed him, you knew deep down that you are feeling incomplete without Jake Sim.

You are missing him too much and having him texting you right now has dug that feeling you've buried the moment you stopped seeing each other.

Jake: I’m at your apartment’s parking lot.

That was it. All it took for you to go stumbling your way to prepare youself was his last text message. Thankfully, you didn’t trip while hurrying over your bedroom to fetch some jacket. Walking pass by your big full length mirror, you went back to check if you look decent enough to make Jake Sim crazy.

You’re currently wearing your usual sexy silk night dress. This is how you dress to sleep or whenever you stay in your apartment so there’s no issue showing like this to Jake Sim. The amount of times he had seen you in these type of clothes was uncountable.

You have to use a jacket to cover up since you have to go use the elevator. Even if this building is usually occupied by celebrities, you don’t want to give a bad impression of dressing scandalously in a cold night.

Your friend who you left at the living room is now crossing her arms at you, head tilted over to the side waiting for the right timing to question your sudden odd behavior.

A bright smile is what you flashed to her, trying so hard to hide the fact that you are feeling so nervous to how you will tell her without gaining any suspicion.

“Are you going to be fine here? I’ll just go out to go b-buy something.” and you top it with yet another sweet smile. This type of acts should be easy for you. You’re an actress for Godsake, but maybe she just knew you so well that’s why it clearly didn’t work.

She rolled her eyes before starting gathering her stuff. “Where is he?” she asks casually while trying to put some of her belongings inside her bag.

A pout made it to your lips and guilt came rushing through you. She scoffs and crossed her arm once again after hanging the strap on one of her shoulders.

“Make sure no paparazzi will see the two of you. The project just got released and he just got back to the country. Please don’t make it to the headlines tomorrow.” she strictly reminds you.

It made a smile spread across your face before nodding continuously.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be very careful.”

She rolled her eyes again and draws a strained sigh. She just couldn’t understand why you two kept on doing these things.

After she saw you panicking after receiving a message, she already knew who it was. It almost like a routine already that her mind instantly gave her a hint on who you’re going to meet. Honestly, she doesn’t want to let you go. She wanted to ask you to make him leave or stood him up like how you suppose to do, but she knew it will just make you two sneak up even more.

You two are so crazy for one another that’s why its still a mystery for her why you kept on breaking up. If you both can’t live without one another, why not just be mature enough to deal with your issues? She just couldn’t understand.

With a hood pulled up to the head and a mask covering half of your face, both of you steps inside the elevator. It was silent, but not totally awkward. Once you arrived at the underground parking lot, her car can be seen right away so you two walked over there first.

She glanced at you, still trying to keep the strict face on. It kind of wants to make you laugh, but you tried not to.

“Don’t stay up too late since you have a photoshoot tomorrow.” she reminded you like a parent trying to remind her daughter she have school the next day.

You smiled and did a playful salute, “Aye aye captain!”

She scoffs and gave you a quick hug before letting you off. A small wave is what you gave her before walking towards the corner of the parking lot. You're pretty sure if Jake's really here, he's parked at his usual spot. Its ideal to meet up there since its at the far corner and only a few people walks around it.

His familiar car was parked like you expected it to be. Due to the heavy tinted windows, its a bit hard to tell whether he's inside the vehicle or not. Thankfully, your confusion was soon answered when his headlights opened and the engine roars.

To avoid getting too much attention, Jake always comes here to pick you up with no headlights. But the moment you arrive, he will open it so if ever someone follows you to take pictures they will have a hard time capturing a good one.

“Hey,” you greeted the moment you got inside his car and the lock clicked soon right after.

Your heart thumped crazily as you met eyes with Jaeyun. His fluffy hair a bit disheveled only made him more attractive. His smile looked so sweet yet teasing. You have no idea how he does that, but he sure knows how to drive you even more crazy.

“Hi gorgeous.” his sudden compliment made your cheeks flushed.

“What are you doing here, Sim Jaeyun?” he chuckled lightly at the sound of his government name falling from your lips. Your sweet lips. God, how much he missed kissing them.

He got easily distracted as his eyes settled over your lips that you quickly catch on. After a sigh, your eyes racked down from his handsome face to the clothes he was wearing causing for a crease to appear over your forehead.

“Wait, did you went here straight from the airport?”

You noticed that he was wearing the same clothes he have at the article your friend showed you. It was when they departed from the airport. The shirt he's wearing inside is the same one from the picture and the coat he used to cover it, abandoned at the backseat of his car.

Jake smiles and the way his eyes batted slowly confirmed it. Now you realized how he looked so tired, the circles below his eyes are visible.

“Yes. I've missed you so I figured I go straight here.”

“Are you crazy?”

He chuckles, enjoying the way you sounded so worried. “I might really go crazy if I didn’t came here to see you.” his tone so serious, eyes still fixed at you.

His words and the way his stares lingers made you blush so hard. Still trying to conceal it with keeping a straight face, you cleared your throat and glanced away from him. That's when you finally take a proper breath. You didn't even realized you've been holding your breath since you entered his car.

“Come on, baby.” the familiar pet name awoke something inside your chest, an emotion.

Your eyes trailed from outside his car towards back him. His eyes looked hooded as he gently reached over you, the warmth of his hands over your skin felt amazing.

“Can I at least have a hug? Didn't you miss me?” his lips pouts and its a sinful scene for you. Jake knew how much you love his lips and he's doing this on purpose.

After letting out a sigh, you slowly leaned your body near him so you can give the hug he was asking for, only to be surprised when his arm slid over your waist smoothly carrying you to make you sit on his lap. A yelp escapes your mouth at what suddenly happened. You are taken off guatd and he's enjoying every bits of it.

Your eyes squints and you glared at him, you rest both of your hand over his upper chest to support your weight as you try to get off him.

“Nah, you're not going anywhere.” he mumbles. The grin on his face grew as he held your hips firmly, refraining you from moving again.

“Jake!” you screamed and felt your whole face burning when he buried his face over your neck, nuzzling and inhaling your scent.

The feeling of his lips in contact of your bare skin is making you dizzy. Jake's eyes looks up while he place feathery kisses at your neck. Seeing you trying to conceal the pleasure you feel from what he's doing is making him smirk.

Slowly, you stopped resisting and just let him have his way over you. As usual.

With eyes shut tight, you let out a strained sigh. “I m-missed you.” you admits.

The grin on Jake's face widen, “I know, sweetheart.” he confidently stated.

Now that’s him. Jake Sim is very confident. He knew where he stands in your life and took grounds over it. He knows how to play his cards in the game he already mastered. Like a predator that have his prey captured and just waiting for the right time to take them in.

You bit your lip, trapping it between your teeth then pulled away slightly to see his face. He leans back, eyes settling on yours, looking sleepy and tired. He smirked and both of his hands moves up to hold your waist, thumb softly caressing it distracting you gradually.

You raised your hand to brush his hair making him close his eyes, feeling so good from your touch.

“It's been a while since I have even heard from you.” you mumble, a hint of distress exists on your tone.

“The tour kept me busy, baby.” he reasoned.

“Busy enough to even contact me once?”

He opened his eyes, half-lidded and a big smirk present on his handsome face. He looked dangerously sexy in front of you and you just couldn’t explain why its making your knees weak.

“You broke up with me, why would I bother reaching out?” his tone taunting you. He was being sarcastic and you know it very well.

Jake knew. He knew so well that the main reason why he didn’t try to reach out is because he might miss you too much. It won’t be too good for the tour if he’ll be distracted. Afterall, you are the only person that can drive him full on crazy mode.

A pout made it to your lips, “I,” your words halt, unable to defend yourself from his blow. It was true and there’s nothing you can say to back up your statement.

Jake took notice of your silence so he lets out a sigh, trying to dismiss the heavy atmosphere that caging both of you.

“Can we go up to your unit? I want to spend the night with you.” he touched your chin slightly and you are left with no choice, but to nod your head.

You two walks inside the building and wait patiently in front of the lift. Jake stood too closely behind you, a hand inside his pocket while the other one rests over your waist. He's wearing his hoodie and a cap, face covered with a mask.

Whenever you two splits up, its usually you who calls it off. Days or a week will pass and you two will slowly find yourself meeting each other again then get back together like nothing happened. In between those, Jake's name will be linked with women from the industry, but his company was always quick to deny it. Then you two will enjoy your time together, fight again, then you'll break it off. The same cycle repeating continuously like a routine.

Maybe you two are still immature? You have no idea. But one thing's for sure, no matter how complicated things between Jake and you got, you always find your way back to each other.

Jake's eyes follows you silently, waiting patiently while you go and close the light of the room. He's already on your bed, changed into his clothes he left in your apartment months ago and already prepared to get that good sleep he's been deprived of.

“What?” you asked him as you take off the jacket you're wearing. You noticed how he just laid there and watch your every move.

His eyes moved from your face down to what you are wearing. Jake gulped and felt like sleep is slowly trying to leave his system, another feeling getting awoken by how beautiful you look. The little light emitting from the lamp beside your bed was enough to give him this glorious vision of you.

“You look so damn gorgeous.” his accent popped the moment he gave that compliment.

Your cheeks blushed right away, “No, you will sleep tonight.” your firm words almost made the man on your bed groan out of frustration.

“Come on, baby.”

You shake your head ‘no’. “Jake, you looked so tired. Sleep.”

“One round?” he asked giving you his puppy eyes, pretty lips turns into a pout.

“Jake,”

He chukles and opens the blanket for you, “Fine, come here then.”

You didn't move and kept your eyes at him, a little suspicious if he's not trying to trick you or anything. He giggled sexily, making you almost lose your mind.

‘Oh Jake Sim.’

“I promise not to do anything funny. I just really want to cuddle and feel your warmth.”

You let out a sigh and decided to climb up on your bed joining him. He pulls your body closer to his not leaving any space in between. He lets your head rest on his chest and place a kiss on your temple.

His familiar warmth you longed for felt heaven and you knew right away that you will have a very good sleep. You started wondering if this means you two are back together. Even if you're bothered about it, you refrained from asking him so you wouldn't ruin the mood.

“Good night, Jake.” you said instead.

“Good night, beautiful. See you in my dreams.” and he tightens his hug on your body that fits perfectly to his hold.

You shut your eyes, inhaling his scent that sends comfort to you. Jake's breathing became more stable, light snores can be heard from him making your smile grow bigger. He moves a bit and pulled you even closer, nuzzling over you. You two were so close you can basically hear his heartbeat synchronizing with yours.

“This series will be a huge deal for your career, y/n.” the bright look on your manager’s face says a lot. She was obviously excited about it.

You are too. Only, you’re a little distracted.

“Do you think Jake’s dating that girl?” you blurted out of the blue.

It’s been two weeks ever since he spent the night to your unit. As expected, you got too busy with your schedules while he’s trying to make the best out of his resting period.

And looks like he’s enjoying it very much, specially after he’s said to be seen around with his 'new' girl. A lot of articles spreads around the internet on how the idol seems to finally move on from you.

This isn’t the first time his name got involved with someone else or the first time people suspects him of dating someone else after calling it off with you. But this is the first time his company is not denying any of it.

It’s already been a day after the news broke out and normally, his company should’ve released a statement saying that it was just rumors and that is not true. But, none. Their side is silent and its bothering you big time.

In a speed of light, your manager's face turn into a frown. The hand holding your contact rested lazily beside her. The excitement over her system slowly draining out of her.

“Why are you thinking about him? He should be the least of your concern right now! You’ve been casted as the main lead of this new hot kdrama and today will be the official release of the trailer you two worked on a week ago.”

Your lips turned into a pout and eyes trailed off from her, guilt filled you because despite of hearing her points you couldn’t stop thinking about Jake.

You know how bad your agency worked hard to get you this spot. Of course you take part on doing it since you did the audtion, but you just can’t disregard the effort and time they put into this project.

She sighed, “You need to get yourself busy to take him off from your mind.” she states.

“You have a photoshoot today with your male lead. Focus on how you two will show chemistry later.”

“Ugh.” you groaned.

“You should focus on your leading man! He’s very popular these days and he’s smoking hot.” you almost laugh when you saw how her eyes almost formed hearts.

“He’s years older than me.”

“So? Don’t you think its good since he have more experiences in life and more mature? You can use some maturity in your life, you know?” her words seems very meaningful, like hinting something vougly.

“Do you have a crush on him?” you ask her with a teasing smile now.

She smirks, “Well, who doesn’t? He's tall and handsome. Very well mannered and good at his job too.”

You scoffed and played with the throw pillow beside you, “Jake’s all that too.” you mumbled that didn’t slip from your manager’s ears.

“Move your ass and get in the van now.” she said strictly making you pout even more.

In the end, you had no choice but to get up from the sofa then head outside your company building to go on with your day.

The ride to the set of your photoshoot was short and you arrived in no time. People around looked very busy as they try to make the set look perfect. You roam your eyes in awe, thinking how talented they are for making it so perfectly.

“Hi,” your head snaps to the side and eyes grew a bit big at the sight of your male lead.

He smiles, eyes almost turning into a one line, dimples showing at side of his cheeks. You got a little surprised how his face looked so different whenever he have a straight face compared when he's smiling. Your manager is right. He sure is very handsome.

You gave him a bow and greets him. His eyes stares while he keep his friendly smile. The aura between you two aren’t really awkward. Even when you first met last last week to shoot the trailer, it was easy to get along with him. You don’t know if he’s just really friendly, but he’s so easy to talk to and get along to.

The takes for that trailer was not so bad as well. The directors kept on complimenting the two of you for doing such a great job. The chemistry on screen was no joke, the look on the staffs around was enough to say that the series will surely do good.

“Have you watched the trailer yet?” he asks.

You shake your head 'no'. “I don’t usually watch myself acting because I think its cringey.”

He chuckles and you can’t help but to notice how good he looks whenever he does that.

“I totally relate. I haven’t seen it too.”

You kept your stares at him like as if you don’t believe him. He sighs and smirks, “Fine, I did. But only because my Mom forced me to watch it with her.”

You chuckled after he confessed.

“That’s cute.”

“Me?” the grin over his face made you roll your eyes, pursing your lips to prevent a smile to make its way to your face.

“I meant your Mom.”

“Well they do say I took after my Mom, so basically you are calling me cute too.”

You snorted playfully, “You’re unbelievable.” and you cannot contain the small chuckles anymore.

He smiles even bigger. “I’m telling the truth.”

You nodded your head, “Yeah, okay.”

Eventually, you both are called to your respective dressing rooms to prepare for the shoot. A big smirk plays through your manager’s face when you entered the room. You furrowed your brows, confused.

“What?” one of your make up artists makes you sit down in front of the big mirrors so they can start doing your make-up.

“So,” she starts. “I saw you two talking. You have a crush on him now?”

You rolled your eyes, “We were just making a conversation.”

She nods her head, but it doesn’t look like she’s believing any of your words. “That’s good. That is really good with building your bond and get closer to each other.”

You stayed silent and just let your make up artist do her job. She was called outside by the photographer and you thank God for that because you finally have the peace you’ve planned to have before setting your mind for the shoot.

Unpredicted at all, Jake Sim made his way inside your mind and the recent articles you just read about him. It suddenly starts to make you feel bad, but your manager did oriented you on how you should focus on yourself.

“y/n, try putting your hand on (actor name).” you snapped back to reality and realized that you are in the middle of shoot already.

After your make up, you were called to start the photoshoot and since then you are spacing out. You gulped, feeling embarrased that you actually not focused so you quickly pull yourself together.

Your eyes trailed over to (actor name) and he’s looking at you. “It’s fine, don’t be shy.” he mumbles with a small teasing smile.

With a blushing cheeks, you rolled and rests your hand over his upper chest. While still looking straight to his eyes, you try to keep a pierce look on your eyes making the smile on his face falter a bit.

“That's it! Keep that tension.” you heard the photographer directs, but you are too focused on admiring the man in front of you.

He soon pull himself and felt his hand rests over your waist pulling you even closer to him. The feeling was odd for you. Maybe because this is the first time a different male other than Jake came this close to you.

“I love it! Keep it up!” the voice was so muffled because you are too busy looking at his eyes. You are too drawn by the looks he was giving you. He looked so good with the way his eyes stares and a small smirk playing over his lips.

“You are so beautiful, y/n. Have I ever told you that?” he whispered as he leaned closer making your forehead and nose touch, his breath fanning you.

Your heart thumped harder and could feel your lips shaking a little. For a moment there, you forgot the issue involving Jake and that girl.

The schedule wrapped up nicely. The staffs and directors complimenting you nonstop that sends relief to you. Its good that in spite of being distracted, you still managed to do well.

“You did great today, y/n.” (actor name) came to say goodbye and you just nods your head at him.

He smirks, “You too.” and you gave a small bow.

A scoff escapes his lips. “Come on, no need to be so formal. We’ll be seeing each other more often so let's be friends okay?” and he even messed your hair playfully.

You frowned, “Okay, but first don't do that again.”

He chuckles, clearly delighted seeing a different emotion from you. “Nah, I’ll keep doing it.” he puts his hand inside his pocket as you shoot him glares.

“Bye, see you on monday.” and sends you a small wave as he walks away.

You are still slightly pissed of what he did when you entered your service. Your manager was too happy to your performance that she just continued going on and on about how much you and (actor name) looked good together. Feeling a little tired because of the shoot and her continuous ranting, you tried to shut your eyes.

You got awoken by gentle taps over your arm. Maybe you are really tired because you fell asleep without even realizing it and now you just arrived at your apartment.

“You did well today.” she says and even asked if she should walk you to your floor, which you declined right away.

“Go home and rest, Manager. I’m sure you are as tired as me.” and you gave her an assuring smile. She smiled back and didn’t even manage to stop the yawn from emitting from her lips.

“Alright, sleep well.” and then off she goes.

You took a long bath to refresh yourself and try to prepare for bed. Its odd because even having a very long day, you don't seem sleepy.

While staring blankly outside your apartment window, you heard your phone ringing nonstop. A strained sigh escapes your mouth before strutting closer to where you put your phone.

Your breath hitched at the sight of Jake's caller id. Heart thumping loudly inside your chest, your mind went blank once again. You thought it was your manager. This isn't the call you've expected to receive.

“Hello?” you licked your lips while fidgeting over your fingers.

“I'm here.” you heard his raspy voice from the other line as you walk back to the window to look over the view outside to somehow relax your mind.

With jacket wrapped tightly around your body, you roamed your eyes around the quiet parking lot. It was late already so like expected, nobody else is here.

Your light steps doesn't even make a single sound and you can almost hear your beating heart. By the left corner, you saw Jake's car at its usual spot.

He is really here. No headlights and waiting for you.

Hesitation occurs your mind, trying to rethink if what you're doing is a good idea. Countless times you've told yourself you'll tell Jake off and yet here you are again. Sneaking just to steal moments with him. It felt illegal that your heart is hammering so hard over your chest, but it felt good at some ways you cannot explain.

When you are only steps away from him, he opens his headlights like always and waits patiently inside.

“Hey.” he greeted the moment you make it inside his car. His eyes were hooded and obviously tired, but that didn't even lessen his godly visual. For you, Jake Sim always looks ethereal.

You smiled, blushing. “Hi.” you shortly replied.

His eyes racked from your face down to your body. “You dressed for me and damn, red lips? You sure know how to drive me crazy.” he commented after seeing the dress and red lips you decided to put on after his call. His hand reaches out to pull you closer.

You hitch your breath because of the sudden contact from his warm hands.

“W-What are you doing here?” the tone you used felt a little off for Jake. Even if you seem worried, nervous or anxious whenever meeting him here, he can always hears a hint of excitement from you. But today, there's something off.

“Aren't you happy to see me?” he pursed his pretty lips into a pout and shoot you with his innocent look on his eyes.

The wall you tried to barricade yourself with came crumbling right away. Jake and his ways of getting you are seriously a big problem.

“I a-am.” and your hand rests on top of his hand that is now on your bare thighs.

Jake smiles at the sight of your eyes softening for him.

'There it is.' he quietly mumbles inside his mind. 'There's my girl.' he added. The amount of relief that flows through him was just enough for him to flash you his pretty wide smile.

“Oh, I'm very glad to see you too.” he pulls you closer, leaning too close enough for your noses to rub against each other. It sends shivers to your spine and butterflies to your stomach.

His eyes hooded as he stares dangerously at your lips then back to your eyes, like a predator so hungry for his prey standing right in front of him.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” he uttered under his breath that made you smile with a flushed cheeks.

Your hands moves on their own as they snaked over his nape to pull him even closer, making your lips almost touching. It was tempting to just make it touch, but for Jake this is what he enjoys. The thrill and heart-thumping moments he gets from being with you. He loves and enjoys the way you can excite and make him want more. He just couldn't get enough of you.

“Kiss me.” you whispered like a wish.

Jake chuckles sexily, his hand slowly caress your thighs that adds so much tension between you two.

“You don't even have to ask twice.” and so he crashes his lips to yours causing an outburst of feelings that filled your heart.

After the heated make out session, your night didn’t end to right away. He asks you using his soft tone to put your seatbelt on, even placing yet another hot kiss on your lips before he started putting his seatbelts on too. His car then drove out from your building's underground parking lot.

“Where are we going?” you ask giving him a short glance.

He smiles and rests one of his hand on your thighs, “Check the backseat, baby.”

You blushed because of the petname he used, but you obliged and brows furrowed at the sight of a picnic basket. A mat lies beside it.

“We’ll go to our usual spot?” you couldn’t hide the excitement over your eyes when you ask him that.

His smile grew wider, “Yeah. We haven't been there for a while.”

A pout made its way to your lips. “Yes. We’re too busy.”

The two of you arrived at the top of the hill where you can see the pretty city lights from afar. It was honestly breathtaking and the first time you've seen this view, you fell in love. This is a space that is memorable and special for both you and Jake.

“Have a sit now, princess.” Jake snapped you out from your trance.

When you glanced at him, he have this big proud smile as he presents you the now laid down flatly mat that he prepared. You chuckled and thanked him before settling down. He opened the basket and your eyes soften seeing the familiar food that you enjoyed eating together.

“Aw, you didn't have to prepare this much.”

He smirks, “Anything for you.” and lightly pinches your cheeks before setting down a sandwich he made.

The night went on with just the two of you enjoying each other's company. It doesn't bother you that it was already late at night or if its getting really chilly.

Fade in the view, you stared at the daydream looks on Jake's eyes. With that long hair, slicked back and just a plain white shirt. He sure makes you ecstatic.

He leans closer making you hitch your breath. You let him take over, finally giving in to his soft kisses. Your heart almost burst outside of your chest due to the million emotions only him can make you feel.

“I missed you so much.” he confessed so low like it was something illegal.

Your eyes shut as his forehead rests at yours. The feeling of your heart beating insync together was your solace.

“I missed you too.”

After spending some more time under the bright moon and comforting silence between you, he finally decided to call it a night. You wanted to protest and ask if you two can stay for a little bit more, but refrain yourself from doing so. He helped you get up with a smile and he puts back the things to his car while you admire him silently.

So it goes. The drive on your way back to your apartment, he couldn't even keep his wild eyes on the road. Stealing glance at your side from time to time, like as if checking if you're really there with him.

At the arrival in your place, the lights were off and as he takes off his coat you felt your heart thumped out of excitement that he's here to stay for the night.

“Cuddle me?” it came out more of a request rather than as a suggestion.

You nod, agreeing. Jake went to his usual side of the bed and opens the blanket for you. After making yourself comfortable, head resting over his chest while he draws lazy circles at the small of your back, you speak out your thoughts.

“I've heard that you've been going out with another girl.” you starts and you know he heard you because his fingers stalled for a while.

“What you heard is true,” he starts and he draws in a strained sigh. “But I can't stop thinking about you and I.” he added and felt him pulling you closer.

You let out a sigh, nuzzling closer.

“I've been there too a few times.” and you two fell into silence with a mutual understanding that despite the situation you both get tangled with, its with one another where you find the most comfort.

You know you should tell him to leave cause you know exactly where it leads, but for some reasons you always ends up watching the two of you go round and round each time.

It's not right anymore. The two of you had been here before, but you always find yourself with the same ending. You just don’t understand why in spite of being aware of it, you always find yourself running your way back over to his arms.

‘Jake Sim of Enhypen seen out with (girl name) again. The two were seen being intimate with each other... Read more.’

Your mind went blank at the sight of the article that has been trending since last night. Mixed of emotions occured you. The sense of betrayal, confusion and emptiness drawns unto you all at once. It was a heavy emotion.

“Hm, ex boyfriend?” you jolted and snapped back to reality when someone talked beside you.

It was (actor name) and he's curious eyes darts straight at the phone screen. Feeling slightly embarrassed, you glared at him before clicking your phone off.

“Is he your ex boyfriend?” he asks again that made you feel even more irritated.

You already started filming the series so you're basically seeing (actor name) almost everyday. He's nice and easy to get along to, but sometimes he can be annoying too. Specially that he seemed to be fond of teasing you.

“Can you mind your own business?” you rolled your eyes that only made him chuckle.

“So he is.” he concludes and you shoot him glares once again.

It’s been a week since the last night you've seen or heard from Jake. And honestly, you thought you two are doing perfectly fine. That the intimate time you spend together that night was a silent declaration that you two are just for each other. Maybe you are just so naive? So hopeful? You don't know anything at all at this point.

“You want me to help you?”

“Help me with what?”

“To get over him.” he stated innocently.

You scoffed sarcastically like it was the funniest thing you've heard in your life. But he is not fazed at all. Instead, he have this confident boyish smile he always sports that makes him extremely attractive.

“You think I haven't tried everything?”

“Yeah,” he starts and shrugs his shoulder off. “You haven't tried going out with me yet, have you?”

You felt something inside your stomach going crazy for what he said.

“You're crazy.” you manages to mumble despite with a racing heart.

“No, no!” he chuckles, trying to win you over considering his suggestion.

“Come to think of it. There's nothing to lose here. You can get over with your ex, we'll get the promotion for our series. Hitting two birds with one stone.”

You stared at him without saying any words, contemplating. The fact that you are really considering his suggestion is making you wonde if you should stop looking at his beautiful eyes. Makes you think that he's hypnotizing you into agreeing.

“And besides, if it doesn't work then we'll just make it seem like I dumped you.”

Your forehead creased as his smile grew wider.

“Why are you the one dumping me?”

He chuckles, “Okay, you can dump me since you look cute.”

You rolled your eyes at him and glanced at his hand he was offering you to conceal the deal.

And you don't know if it was just because the anger you felt towards Jake or (actor name) just looked so good that moment. But you agreed. Leading you to why you are inside his car now, coming home from your nth date.

It's already been five months and a half since the agreement. You don't know it lasted that long already and honestly you don't care because you are having so much fun hanging out with him.

He was such a fun person. You are completely aware of it before, but when you started spending time together with less people and camera around you, he was so much more. He's so caring, such a soft person which totally contradicts his physical appearance since he shows this manly demeanor, and he takes good care of you. He never lets you overthink at all. He's always there for you and never send mixed signals towards you.

It was scary agreeing to this arrangement. Like taking a big risk that you can end up regretting or loving, like someone coming out of their shells for the first time and finding out that the world has so much more to offer.

“What's making you look so serious there, gorge?” he asks as he taps his fingers over his steering wheel waiting patiently for the redlight to turn green.

You pout and showed him the article you've been reading. “Don't you think I look fat in this picture?”

It was an article about the two of you when you've been seen going out the other day and he didn't even glance at it. His eyes are glued at you completely and his eyes softens at your question. A playful smirk painted his face before he leans and give your cheeks a small peck.

“Damn, you are so adorable.” he whispered but you managed to hear it.

“I asked you if I looked fat here.”

He finally take a look and smirks, “I think you look wonderful wearing my hoodie, love.”

You blushed and smiled. “You are so lucky that you are my boyfriend, (actor name).”

A proud smile spreads across his face while he place a kiss on top of your hand. “I am indeed very lucky, Ma'am.”

You arrived at the parking lot and you gave him a kiss on his lips before leaning away to stare at his eyes. They looked arrogant, people always misunderstood him as intimidating on first look because of his sharp looking eyes. Totally opposite of your types, but he was worth the shot. They might look strong and cold, but they're totally different whenever they're looking at you.

Every time you stare at his eyes, you can feel your eyes heating up and you just want to cry for so many things. A lot of things happened already, but he was there all along. Your past self may not believe it if you got to talk to them months ago from now, but you very much happy right now. Happy without worrying of being left confused the next day or week. Consistent happiness that you never felt for a while.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” he assures you.

With a nod, you left his car and waves. You watch how his car drove off and decided to go inside your building when a familiar headlights went on.

You felt your feet stoned and slowly you glanced at his usual spot. Your heart sank at the sight of his familiar car. Its been months ever since you've seen him.

You blocked him from your phone and tried so hard to avoid him in every possible way. The last thing you remembered that you heard from him is that he announced his break up with the girl he was dating months ago and that he's taking his time off from his group.

His car door opened and you don't understand how to feel at the sight of him. The familiar warmth he gives you was still there, the thumping of heart and stomach churning were all there.

His hair grew longer and his eyes looked so tired and sad reflecting clearly on them. He walks on the passenger side of his car and opened the door.

“Can we talk?” he asks gently. “Please?” he added when he didn't saw any reaction from you.

You let out a sigh and started walking towards him. Instinctively, he rests his hand at the small of your back to guide you inside his car. After making sure you're all set, he went inside and the silence was deafening. It sure is awkward here.

“H-How are you? I heard you're taking a time off.” you started off.

His eyes sets on you and they looked so heartbroken, empty and hurt.

“Baby,” the familiar pet names sends millions of memories on you.

“please take me back.” his voice cracked.

Numerous times Jake attempted to fix what he just broken months ago and failed in all of those times. He knew it was a selfish move to make, but he couldn't take it anymore. At first, he thought that its fine when he saw the first time articles announced you and (actor name) were dating. He was actually briefly happy that you looked happy.

But then as times pass by, he realized that he fucked up so bad. He realized it wasn't him for you anymore when its still you for him until now.

The first time he tried contacting you, his heart sank after he realized you blocked him. You avoided and focused on your career. He tried waiting for you in his usual spot, but you never walked there again, purposely going inside the building through the main door. Everything started to come at him full speed and he wasn't ready for the blow.

Jake’s hope crumbles down when instead of your familiar loving gaze, he was met with a sad look on your face. That’s not what he wants.

How stupid is he to take advantage of you, being too confident that you wouldn’t, in any way, find someone else to replace him? It was his fault. He was denial, but the reality are slowly eating him up and he’s getting weak as time passes by.

“Y/n, please.” his pleading tone almost broke you into bits.

You cannot believe your eyes. The confident and flirtatious Sim Jaeyun was nowhere to be found. All you can see is his soft pleading eyes, tears pooling the sides of his eyes. He looked so... lost and broken.

And you feel so bad.

“I'm sorry, Jake. I think you should leave.” you glanced away and hand reached over the car's door to go out. Coming inside here was a wrong decision.

He was quick to stop you.

“W-Wait,”

You prevent yourself to look at him, afraid that you’ll break down the moment you set eyes on him.

“I know I’m too late already and its all my fault, baby.” he mumbles, sniffing.

'Oh God he's crying. Jake Sim is crying.' you thought to yourself.

“I just want to say that I love you, y/n. I really do and I know to myself that you will always be the only one for me. I can fool myself and try dating someone else, but my heart knows where it belongs.”

Your heart cracked at the sound of his voice and the words that were coming out from his mouth. Never in your life you thought you will here it from him. Too bad, its too late. Love really is about timing sometimes.

You tried your best to glance at him with a small smile. He's in tears and you almost lost control of yourself, but you pull through. A tear escapes your eyes as you cup his face and gently caress it.

“If someday,” he rests as he choke on his own words. “If someday you manage to find your love for me again, come back to me.”

His words were knives straight to your chest, but you tried pushing it out from your mind. You tried hard not to absorb them.

“Goodbye, Jake.” and with that, you left. Since it was so hard for you to ask him to leave, you're the one who left.

Jake was your comfort for quite some time. He was your warmth from the cold, your peace of mind and your soulmate. He will always have a special part in your heart no one else can take, like a childhood blanket that helps you sleep well, a pair of shoe you used to love and wear all the time, a favorite pajamas you wear at night.

You know when sometimes you tend to try out new styles whether its clothes or hair colors, but always find yourself going back to your 'comfort' style. That certain style that comforts you, gives you confidence and destinct warmth, that's Jake Sim for you. He is your style.

But sometimes change is not so bad. Sometimes, stepping out from your comfort zone is a great step for self development, for growth.

Jake Sim is definitely your style, and just like any other phases, they pass. You outgrew them in order to be better. You may leave that phase behind, but great memories you experienced through it, with him, will be cherish forever.

eeunoia 2024 © all rights reserved.

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[charcubed]

Listen. I'm going FUCKING. INSANE. because it seems like almost no one on the internet gives a shit about Shy Baldwin/Reggie Harris from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, which boggles my mind because like ???? they're in love?????? and their relationship is so compelling??

And what we see of what becomes of Shy's story is so tragic obviously but to me it also hints at potential for him and Reggie to maybe someday get out of showbiz and be together. And from what I can tell, no one in fandom TALKED ABOUT THISSSS when season 4 came out!!! What the fuck!!!!! This is maddening!!!

So. I'm making this post mostly to get this off my chest and as a yell into the void. Because maybe somewhere, someday, someone else will ALSO be searching tumblr to see even a glimpse of content about these 2 exceedingly compelling characters, and I will write this so that I save that person the despair of coming up empty-handed like I am.

I'm also gonna drag other people down with me if anyone who hasn't seen this show happens to be curious enough to read this, so in that vein, I will cover some basics to outline this. Because I want to TALK ABOUT THEM despite most of this being obvious and no one giving a shit, Goddammit!!

(Spoilers or whatever I guess but who cares)

This is Shy Baldwin. He's a singer (clearly) and canonically a Black gay man who (obviously) has to hide his sexuality because this is set in the 60s.

This is Reggie Harris, Shy's manager and longtime best friend.

This is how Reggie introduces himself:

Let me tell you what kind of manager I am, Susie Myerson and Associates. I've been looking after Shy since we were kids tossing rocks in vacant lots. We was running numbers for Stephanie St. Clair before we were ten. When he found his singing, I collected the money, kept him out of trouble, kept people from bumping him. I'll be at his side when he draws his last breath unless I get there first. I would lay down my life for him. That's what's going on here. You hear me?

–3x02, "It's the Sixties, Man!"

In episode 3, they casually sing "Is You Is or Is You Ain’t My Baby" together just for fun.

INSANE harmonies. And their flirty banter in this whole 1 minute long scene makes me want to eat my own arm.

Anyway... hold those thoughts.

So, Midge Maisel (the titular character) is the opener for Shy on tour with her comedy act in season 3. The show reveals in episode 3x06 that Shy is gay, in a scene where Midge finds him bruised and bleeding because he hooked up with a guy and it went sideways. Shy comes out to her as part of his explanation, and she helps cover up the bruises on his face with makeup so he can get on stage that night.

That leads to him doing a sitting "stool set" with slower songs because his ribs are fucked so he can't stand/dance, and the unsubtle song the show has him sing is "No One Has To Know."

The clip isn't even on Youtube, which is indicative of how much I'm suffering with how under-appreciated Shy's storyline is, but you can listen to the song here or on Spotify.

No one else can tell I think you're beautiful No one else can tell You're my favorite view Let the world all think what they will I'll wait until they're through 'Cause no one has to know I need you No one but you

^^^ Literally the whole song is like this / about being gay but that's a piece of it.

Shy looks at Reggie as he sings.

Thankfully Tumblr user microclown made several GIFs. Here are two.

KILLL MEEEE

Clearly, obviously, this is deliberately not subtle. Everything telegraphs that Shy is in love with Reggie.

Now, considering wider context of Shy hooking up with a random man etc., one could be forgiven for thinking it's meant to be seen as unrequited love... but I really don't think that's the case. I think there's a delicious undercurrent of angst that ties into how Reggie tells Susie (Midge's manager) at various times throughout the season that their job is to make the hard decisions on behalf of their clients, and Reggie references making hard decisions on Shy's behalf or for Shy, because his job is to do what's best for Shy even at the times Shy doesn't like it. So... are they in love and Reggie tries to keep them from properly being Together to protect Shy? And/or does Shy think his love is unrequited at this point? Lots of room to play there.

So now comes the part that no one's talking about!

More explanation: season 3 ends with Midge being very straight and very white as she does a comedy routine in which she makes way too many cheeky references that out Shy as gay on stage if you know gay-related coding/lingo. There are Reasons why she sort of panics and does this, and the audience loves her jokes, but that is very much Not The Point. She's fired from the rest of the tour as a result–rightfully so.

In season 4, it's announced that Shy is suddenly getting married to his longtime girlfriend and it's totally a publicity stunt 🙃 Midge and Susie are invited to the wedding... but not by Shy; by the team of straight white dude management who stepped in to control Shy's every move in the name of "helping him to stay on the straight and narrow" to keep his career on the rails. Midge's fuck up gave them the opportunity they needed to control him. (Shy and Midge end up reuniting in a bathroom at the reception but we won't be unpacking that conversation and how I disagree with how Midge leaves things between them).

So the suits invite Midge and Susie to the wedding so they can escort them to a side room and have a meeting with them, and they try to pay them off to sign an NDA. (Midge declines for them both, saying she will keep her silence for the sake of Shy, not for the suits.) Come to find out that that management team also forced Shy to pay off / fire his entire band–who were shown to be like family to him throughout the tour in season 3–and also forced him to pay off / fire Reggie.

LOU: Look, he's a good guy, Reggie. I like him. But he's too close with Shy to control him. There's too much history.

...

SUSIE: Reggie got Shy to where he is now. You realize that?

LOU: Reggie's taken care of. Big severance. We threw him some publishing. He's buying a house in Westchester. Everybody's happy.

SUSIE: Oh, I bet. 'Cause when you think Reggie, you think Westchester.

–4x05, "How to Chew Quietly and Influence"

Here's the obvious thing: Shy and Reggie clearly had no choice in this matter.

There's no way in hell that Reggie would have left Shy willingly. Absolutely no Goddamn way in hell. Whether he's in love with him or not, Shy is "his boy" (his words, repeatedly) and he said "I'll be at his side when he draws his last breath unless I get there first." That was his character introduction! Holy shit!

But here's my hot take: I DO think Reggie is in love with Shy, and I do think he intends to keep that promise of being by his side as much as possible. And I'll tell you why.

At the wedding, Shy sings a short excerpt from his new single to his new wife:

Come close to me, baby Cool as the river When you're here in my arms Manhattan's getting dimmer I know it sparkles, too But city lights don't shine as bright as you

Once again the clip is not on Youtube and I am suffering.

There are a few more lines from the song in that episode referencing Paris and Rome (where Shy and Reggie and the band went on tour in season 3...), but it's a piece of a longer song. We thankfully have the song in full, here or on Spotify:

And in the episode, Shy says on stage that the song was written by Reggie.

"You just heard a little of my new single. And it's a special one because the lyrics were written by my boy Reggie Harris. Which is fitting because that man's been putting words in my mouth since we were kids begging his grandmom to buy us ice cream.

–4x05, "How to Chew Quietly and Influence"

This makes me FUCKING FERAL.

Especially because of the lyrics in the full version of the song... which, as it turns out, is all about giving up fame and the spotlight to be with the one you love.

There are hidden lyrics in the full track that are meant to actually be in between the shortened ones we hear in the episode. The lyrics from the full version that Shy doesn't sing at his wedding are as follows:

I’ve had the spotlight Been bewitched by wealth and fame But I’d give up that hot light Just to hear one special someone Call my name

...

I could search the world over Go as far as a man can roam But nothing I’d see Would mean nothing to me Like the vision of you when I’m coming back home Baby, you are my home

Buildings may rise And reach for the skies They twinkle and flash But they won’t ever last Like the beauty in your eyes

Whatever they may do Those city lights won’t shine as bright as you

Reggie wrote this song for Shy. He literally wrote this song for Shy. Shy says it himself! And Reggie's not in attendance at Shy's publicity stunt wedding because the suits are keeping them apart for now, but he's in Shy's heart, and Shy chooses to sing this song and share that backstory about the lyrics because they're each others' home in secret.

I can't handle it! I can't FUCKING handle it!!!!!

Like are you SERIOUS!!!! And in the episode where the suits say Reggie took his severance pay and went and bought a fancy house? BITCH. If he even actually did that (and didn't just claim he was doing it to fly under the radar), then he bought a house so Shy could one day join him there because ???? "You are my home." Ohhhh myyyy Goddddd ;___; A song about giving up the spotlight to be with the one you love........ I have connected the dots. Just wow.

So yeah I'm literally going insane. I LOVE them. I've been thinking about this for like 2 weeks and no one gives a shit but I love them! They are important to me and every part of their subplot is so compelling and makes me so emotional!

There is fic about all this that's in my brain and outlined in my google docs and if I ever write it I will post it on AO3 for the maybe 2 people who will care someday. But yeah.

WHERE is their spinoff!!!!!!!! Jk I don't want it because I don't trust they'd be handled properly. However, I am manifesting even a crumb of information about them in season 5 because Shy Baldwin is my son and I would like any kind of hint he and Reggie manage to eventually orchestrate their happiness <3

If you actually read this post, thank you so much for indulging me. I had to get this off my chest, okay, I'm losing it.

I love them and they're in love. That is all.

#shy x reggie #shy baldwin #reggie harris #the marvelous mrs. maisel #tmmm #shy/reggie #char writes things #FUCKING. LOOK AT THE MATERIAL. wah 😭

[leaderoffestivals]

CROSS FIRE: Strength and Strength Ch 6

Kuro: Good grief. Yer really a devil in disguise, aren’t ya?  

Scenario Writer: Kino Seitarou (with Akira) Season: Summer Characters: Kiryu Kuro, Mikejima Madara, Nagumo Tetora, Sazanami Jun, Otogari Adonis  Proofed by: @ryuseipuka, Skyress

<Three days later, at a Mixed Martial Arts gym in the vicinity of ES.>

Tetora: 98, 99, 100… …!

There, I’m all done!

Kuro: You’ve been workin’ real hard, Tetsu. Here, dry yer sweat off with this towel. 

Tetora: YAYYY~! It really fires me up to receive a towel from Taisho’s hand!

Kuro: Haha! It ain’t somethin’ worth gettin’ that hyped up for, is it?

If you end up catchin’ a cold during the Shuffle Project, you won’t be able to show yer face to the Little Miss and the other members of the team.

Also, are you sure yer gonna be alright? The trainin’ experience’s about to begin, and you’ve gone and completed a workout right before it even starts. 

If the trainer assigned to us from CROSS FIRE turns out to be a really strict one, yer gonna end up bein’ too exhausted to move. 

Tetora: Ahaha! I’ll ignite my enthusiasm to push me above and beyond my limits, so I’ll be fine! 

I’m aiming to become the ‘Strongest Man’ after all, so doing this much is well within my ability, at least. ♪

Kuro: Is that so? That’s good to hear but still, today’s the day BUTOUKAI officially reports fer duty. Don’t go knocking yerself out just coz’ the gym staff said we could have the run of the place before it starts. 

Tetora: Yes, of course!

…Oh~! It looks like the others have arrived!

Jun: How are y’all doing~?

Adonis: … … Oh, the both of you are already here. 

Kuro: Yep, Sazanami, Otogari. The both of ya came together, huh?

Jun: Yep. Did the both of you arrange to come together too? 

Kuro: Yeah. Tetsu seems to have a fire lit under his tail fer some reason. He’s the one who got me to arrive early fer some warm-up exercises together.

Tetora: I haven’t been able to settle down ever since I heard about this Mixed Martial Arts job, you know? That's why I invited Taisho to join me ♪

Jun: Oh, I see. Then, why didn't you invite us along too?

You're so heartless, Nagumo-kun. Aren’t we muscle training buddies after all~? ♪

Adonis: That's right. I'll be keeping my schedule free for this Shuffle Project, so you needn’t hesitate to invite me to join you.

Tetora: OHHHH! Se-Senpai—!

Thank you so much! I knew it! Our BUTOUKAI is definitely gonna be the best Shuffle Unit EVER! 

Madara: Fufufu. I reeeally wonder about that~!

Tetora: EH~?

Madara: Fufun~! It’s wayyy too early to judge! The job hasn’t even begun yet, so declaring ourselves to be the best Shuffle Unit is a tad premature, isn't it? 

Also, being too friendly with each other might mean that you’ll be unable to point out each other’s flaws and areas to improve on. Teamwork and friendship are two very different things after all!

Tetora: No, no! Th-that won’t happen! The bond we share as fellow muscle trainers will never turn out to be something as shallow as that!

Kuro: Mikejima’s right, yanno. I get that this Shuffle Unit’s somethin’ fun an’ all, but y’can’t let yer high spirits get ya carried away. 

The showbiz industry’s a ruthless one. If you go around takin’ it lightly, it’ll take ya down with a punch to the eye. 

Adonis: That’s true. Hakaze-senpai said something similar when he was recounting his experiences with his own Shuffle Project:—

A hastily assembled Unit may find it difficult to carry out basic unit activities as easily as they’re used to. 

I don’t believe that Mikejima-senpai is expressing doubt in our ability to work as a team. I think he’s just telling us not to let our guard down. 

Madara: Yup. That was my intention, of course. However—

Kuro-san, you don’t appear keen on fighting in the upcoming practice match at aaall. It looks like you still haven’t gotten what this is all about yet, huh~? 

Our BUTOUKAI is a unit made up of members all striving towards becoming “The Strongest Man”. It would reeeallly be troubling if one of ours turned out to be so gutless after all!

Kuro: It’s not like I’m lackin’ guts or anythin’. Did ya come all this way to start a fight?

We’re just havin’ a simple practice experience today. There ain’t a lick of sense fer me to be goin’ at somethin’ like this with my fighting spirit at full blast now.

Madara: Haha~! I’m reeeally surprised you aren’t trying to prove me otherwise. How disappointing!

… … Oh my? Were you here all along, Anzu-san? Please stop speaking in such a dangerous way—you say?

Haha! That would be a reeeally nasty thing to do, you knowww!

We might be going up against each other in a practice match, but we’re still more or less members of the same unit, riiight?

In times of trouble, we must rely on our comrades so as to successfully carry out the work that Anzu-san has laid out for us. … … Don’t you think so too~, Kuro-san? 

Kuro: Seriously? Of all the barefaced cheek. You know damn well you were tryin’ to start a scene with everythin’ you said just now. 

Good grief. Yer really a devil in disguise, aren’t ya?  

Tetsu, you need to keep yer guard up around this guy, or you’ll end up gettin’ played by him as well, y’hear? 

Tetora: O…Ossu!

Jun: Hey, you guys. Sorry to interrupt, but we need to get ourselves in line now. 

The trainer’s already here. It isn’t very nice to keep standing around making idle talk, right~? 

Kuro: Yer right. My bad, Sazanami. 

Alright. We’ll be in yer care, Trainer.

We’ve heard CROSS FIRE’s a Mixed Martial Art with rough rules and few prohibitions, so—

Please teach us strictly while yer at it, so that none of us’ll get hurt.

—————-To be continued——————-

Chapter 5  /  Chapter 7

#ensemble stars #enstars tl #kiryu kuro #mikejima madara #nagumo tetora #sazanami jun #otogari adonis #akatsuki #MaM #Undead #ryuseitai #eden

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I’m listening to Andy Zaltzman’s interview on the WTF podcast, recorded in January 2021. I find Marc Maron incredibly annoying, for some reasons that are objectively justified and some that probably aren’t. I’ve sat through him twice before – once for John Oliver and once for Stewart Lee. Both times, Marc annoyed me hugely, but it was worth it to hear the guest.

He’s annoyed me in Andy Zaltzman’s podcast too. I’m a bit amazed at the number of new and inventive ways he finds to pronounce the word “Edinburgh”, managing to end it with the word “bro” a lot. “Edin-bro.” That’s one of my less objectively justified reasons to dislike him, probably, but it is pretty bad to not know how to say that properly if you’re such a significant comedian.

I’d say my least justified one is when he said to Andy, “So you grew up in London?” And I said, “No, come on, he grew up in Tumbridge Wells in Kent, a place he has described as ‘So conservative you were considered a bit of a leftie if you only voted Tory once in each election.’ Come on, Marc. How could you be so stupid as to think Andy Zaltzman grew up in London?” I then had to stop, take a step back, and remind myself that it is not at all reasonable to expect an American comedian to know where Andy Zaltzman grew up. Most British comedians do not know where Andy Zaltzman grew up. The vast majority of people in the world do not know where Andy Zaltzman grew up, it’s fine.

So I tried to check my anti-Marc Maron bias a bit, and once I did that, I realized… actually, you know what? Weirdly, Marc Maron might be the best person in the world to interview Andy Zaltzman. Andy Zaltzman tends to get evasive, to uncomfortably steer away from certain topics and it’s hard to tell when it’s genuine discomfort (which I don’t think an interviewer should press him on, I’m listening to this because I want to know where the most creative comedy I’ve ever heard comes from, but I don’t need to hear about anything he actively doesn’t want to talk about) versus just his social awkwardness making him sound vaguely uncomfortable about every topic. When I hear most people interact with Andy Zaltzman, they sort of know this, and if they get near most topics you can hear them expect to get the vaguely ironic or surreal reply. In this case, Marc Maron’s drawback as an interview who knows fuck all about his interviewee works in his favour. He asks Andy Zaltzman questions and expects to get an answer the way you would from a normal person, and when he doesn’t, he just repeats it. It’s kind of cool.

Marc Maron and Andy Zaltzman are wildly different comedians in just about every way, but they do have one weirdly specific thing in common, which is a… complicated relationship with The Daily Show. That highlights how different they are – Marc Maron spent years very publicly being a huge asshole about Jon Stewart, due to jealousy of Stewart’s success. And then sort of offered to apologize but only if he can do it for publicity on his podcast – seriously, fuck that guy (I’d say this is one of my more justified reasons to dislike Marc Maron). While Andy Zaltzman spent the first few years on The Bugle with a running joke where after John Oliver would tell one of his showbiz anecdotes about whatever celebrity he’d met through his Daily Show job that week, Andy would add that he had quite a good [insert different type of lunch meat each time] sandwich that week so they’ve all got stuff going on. He kept that up for so long that when I was relatively early in my Bugle listening, I made a bunch of posts on here saying I can’t figure out what’s going on with Andy Zaltzman, he seems to genuinely be totally unbothered by the commercial success discrepancy. When I got a hundred or so episodes into I declared that I’d figured out the answer, and it’s that Andy Zaltzman is just totally unimpressed by anything in the world that isn’t a bad pun or a cricket stat. He truly, deep down, does not want to meet Hugh Jackman. Episode 90 was the one in which he absolutely roasted John Oliver for committing the embarrassing transgression of winning an Emmy, and it didn’t sound like jealousy, it sounded like he understood awards ceremonies to be the stupidest thing in the world.

Cracks in that did start to show eventually, mainly when Johnny Showbiz’s Daily Show career became less about meeting Hugh Jackman and more about propelling him to get his own TV show and leave the rest of his career behind. But they were only ever the tiniest of cracks. He did his Comedian’s Comedian episode in 2014, just as this was starting to happen, and Stuart Goldsmith had to push him pretty hard, from a few different angles, to get the words “Yes, maybe at certain times and in some ways I have been a bit jealous” out of him, which felt like a massively out-of-character thing to say. And once he actually left, there may have been a short while of just the tiniest traces of bitterness in the way he used the once-purely-affectionate nickname Johnny Showbiz, and one time he took a moment out of one Bugle episode to say congratulations are owed to his former colleague on winning two Emmys in one night “Presumably for Most Elongated Departure From a Podcast and Least Enthusiasm For Physical Contact on a Football Pitch,” and he might have once shouted “Fuck you Percy Primetime, everyone in this room has heard of me!” upon finding three members of his stand-up audience who hadn’t heard of John Oliver. You know, little cracks. There was that one time when a reviewer called him a “left-behind sidekick" and he had what was, by his normally unflappable standards, a small breakdown, referencing that review with increasing frustration for several weeks’ worth of episodes, and recording an interview with himself about how he doesn’t want to be famous anyway and he loves writing in his shed.

So really, when you look at all that, Marc Maron might be the right guy to interview Andy Zaltzman. Both had reason to be bitter toward The Daily Show, one expressed this loudly and publicly for ages, while the other made like one slightly passive-aggressive comment on a podcast an average of every 1.5 years. One has built his comedy brand on relentlessly oversharing every single emotion he has for money, another does almost entirely political and sometimes vaguely surreal comedy, and sounds notably uncomfortable if he’d expected to get personal about anything. This is all relevant context for this exchange:

Andy Zaltzman: [John Oliver and I] met doing the live stand-up circuit, and he did little sketches in my first Edinburgh show, I did some stuff in his first Edinburgh show the following year, in 2002. We toured on the student union circuit – in my generation of British comedians there was quite a thriving student union circuit where you could go and experiment, and it didn’t matter so much if you…

Marc Maron: But that was better than clubs, right?

Andy Zaltzman: It was better than clubs, partly because, generally you were booked in to do a whole tour, so it wasn’t like you had to succeed at every gig to get called back. So we got to know each other pretty well then, we did some radio series together, then when John got the Daily Show job and left me doing an Edinburgh show alone instead of a two-hander in front of about twenty-five people a night as he went to the biggest comedy show in the world… um…

Marc Maron: And how did that go for you? How did you take that?

Andy Zaltzman: Well, I’ll be honest, it was a bit tricky at the time. [Marc Maron cackles in the background, like a man who was not expecting to be able to get a guest to talk shit about Jon Stewart-era Daily Show on this day, and is pleased it’s gone in this direction] It was about a month before Edinburgh started, and so… it would be an exaggeration to say I had to rewrite the show, because we hadn’t entirely got round to writing it at that point…

Marc Maron [audibly sensing blood in the water]: That must have been a horrible conversation.

Andy Zaltzman: Well, not really, because it was – you know – clearly a pretty big opportunity, so…

Marc Maron: No, yeah, I know. But still, you had to suck it up.

Andy Zaltzman: Uh, I guess so. And we’d also had two BBC radio series canceled round about the same time, and I found out my wife was pregnant, so it was a month of considerable upheaval… uh, for me.

Marc Maron sounded like he was having so much fun in that exchange. In John Oliver’s episode, he pushed John Oliver to talk shit about Jon Stewart and John Oliver refused to do it, straight-up shut down that line of questioning and said he knows how Marc feels about Jon but he doesn’t have a single bad word to say about Jon Stewart. Marc kept trying for a bit in a way that made things incredibly, painfully awkward, and he was clearly disappointed when he couldn’t get that, you could see he’d been looking forward to having on the Daily Show guy so he could find an outlet for his grudge against Jon Stewart. There’s such a contrast to how he sounds at this point in Andy Zaltzman’s interview, so excited to get the tiniest bit of commiseration about the shared experience of getting left behind by The Daily Show. To the point where weirdly, I may have started to sympathize with Marc Maron a tiny bit. And you can tell that Andy Zaltzman has no idea he’s been put in the middle of any of this, and is just trying to stumble through answers to the questions.

Although he may have had some idea, because he’s mentioned at other times that he had to rewrite stuff for their 2006 joint Edinburgh show once it became a solo show instead, which makes me think by saying they hadn’t written it before John left, he was downplaying how much effect that event had to avoid giving more bait to a shark that sensed blood in the water.

They then discuss whether Andy Zaltzman should do a show about having a baby, or a breakup show, the way some people win awards for doing these days, but the drawback is that he married young and it’s worked out ever since. I found that conversation hilarious, just because it’s funny to imagine Andy Zaltzman doing a show like that. It would be amusing if he did just one sometime, and didn’t explain it. An entire show about parenthood with absolutely nothing surreal, just true stories about the wacky adventures of raising teenagers, and then go right back to his usual stuff.

They also discuss Judaism, and I suppose that’s another thing they sort of have in common, both being Jewish. Again I find myself sympathizing with Marc Maron a bit, because you can hear that he’s so interested in learning what it’s like to be Jewish in Britain, and Andy Zaltzman keeps disappointing him. Marc Maron would have more luck getting John Oliver to talk shit about Jon Stewart than getting Andy Zaltzman to give a detailed an accurate account of Jewish communities in Britain. Andy Zaltzman, whose most personal stand-up material is probably the stuff about how much loves bacon and doesn’t even know when the Jewish holidays are despite the religion into which he was born.

Marc Maron then asks what the difference is between Oxford and Cambridge, after Andy mentions that he went to the former and John Oliver went to the latter. Which I thought was quite a funny question, even if unintentionally so. Weirdly, I am warming to Marc Maron more and more.

He asks Andy in about eight different ways for some basic biographical details about how Andy Zaltzman got into comedy during/just after his days at Oxford, and Andy Zaltzman is relentlessly more interested in explaining how ancient Greek plays can be applied to modern stand-up, and at this point the interview becomes a comedy of wildly mismatched personalities. He eventually gets the story out of Andy that he did one comedy gig that went very badly and then spent a year sub-editing articles, before getting back on the comedy circuit.

Marc Maron: And who was around? Who were the guys that you started with, that are still around?

Me: Oh! I can answer that one, actually, Marc. Have you ever heard of a drink called chocolate milk?

Andy Zaltzman: Well, John was starting round about the same time. Um, Russell Howard was starting ‘round then. Jimmy Carr, people who’d been very successful around then. Daniel Kitson was sort of the… the big… you know, the most successful comedian of my generation… creatively, him, he was, I think, you know, everyone of my generation, on the circuit, sort of looked up to. He was, you know, started doing stuff…

Marc Maron: Yeah, yeah, I heard about Kitson for years, and I think I saw, I saw one big show of his in London. I know he does – you know, he’s a, uh, unique person. Uh, doesn’t do the podcast, or talk, or, you know, function, necessarily, in a sociable way… but I’ve met him a few times, and I know that he’s revered.

Me: Aaaannnd there goes my sympathizing with Marc Maron. It was building up for a bit, gone now. Go fuck yourself, Maron.

I transcribed Andy’s answer word for word, including the stuttering and filler words, to try to get across just how much it sounds like having this conversation is akin to water torture for him. And how getting a straight answer out of him seems a bit like pulling teeth for Marc Maron. These two could have a sitocm together based on comically contrasting personalities, the oversharing American and the reserved Brit.

Anyway, that’s about halfway through the interview, at which point I decided to stop and write this down. They covered a bunch of other stuff too, about Andy Zaltzman’s familial, educational, and comedy backgrounds. Marc Maron got more out of him than most people do, just by not seeming bothered by the discomfort he created, which may be a good thing in some cases and a bad thing in other cases. Marc Maron talked a lot of shit about the Edinburgh Fringe Festvial, and Andy Zaltzman defended it.

This has gotten pretty long so I think I’ll post it now, even though there are forty-ish minutes left. I am quite enjoying this. Will get into the 2022 Bugle after this, and then presumably go back to having stuff to say about the actual comedy, I’ll admit that this entire post, and this entire interview, are pretty much only about comedian gossip. But it happens to be the exact side of comedian gossip I’m interested in. Marc Maron is clearly the man to go to if you want some gossip.

[zemiraxo]

Hard life 2

My mother hit me last night just because I sarcastically made the statement "Well then go and soak your head"...she told me to get off my laptop in a harsh tone and go wash the dishes now before she destroys my laptop like she did to the last one a year ago, and yes, she hit me hard then too. I laughed trying to hold back my tears. Last night as well, she called saying get ready to go to the grocery store, I said okay. I quickly got ready, she called about 15 minutes later, saying she's almost there she's in the street, come outside. I went outside, looked around and her car was no where to be found, so I went back inside. She called a few seconds later, saying in a mean tone "Do you know how long I've been outside waiting!?!" I quickly said, that I was coming, obviously scared. I ran outside almost falling down twice. I looked again and didn't see her, finally I saw her but had to make sure it was her as it was dark. When I got in the car, she was kind of upset at me. I told her next time call about an hour early so I'd have more time as I was in the toilet, and I told her I couldn't see her before the first time. She got mad and yelled at me. I held back my tears and because of it, my tone sounded rude. When we got to the store, she even threatened to kick me out the grocery as if she owns it lol, just because I told her to get the shopping cart, I already walked in, SHE WAS STANDING IN FRONT OF IT!! Then I somehow managed to calm down but felt mixed emotions when she made the statement "I will treat you just like your brother" I felt hurt, he's my brother after all. A while ago she told me I was born premature at 8 months because she took it on and stressed out when my father left her for his wife and other children, he pays child support but she has a problem with the amount, he's what, in his 60's? So when I was born, she had a caesarean(I think it's spelled wrong) section(C-section), and I was born with a damaged nerve at the back of my left eye causing me to always wear glasses. And I know, it is impossible to regenerate the nerve, so I don't try anymore as I already tried everything. My Godsister said once I graduate High School hopefully in 2026, she will help me go to China and get a job there until I hopefully could get into showbiz, which is my dream career, acting! She was really upset about how I'm being treated, my online friend said it isn't even normal. And I know my dad doesn't care about me much, if he could abandon my other 2 brothers I didn't even know existed until this year...I want to meet them but I can't. I need to find out some things from them as well, to know, why are we treated differently than the other 3 kids he has?!?! It isn't fair! Are we mistakes in his eyes? I know there might be a lot of things I've missed but I am doing a part 3 about my past friend group and the betrayal I've faced. Check it out!

#family #family problems #life lessons #teenagers

[drawn-and-talk-of-peace]

There is absolutely no excuse and hopefully Netflix finds a new stunt double for Inej in the future.

#and before you come at me about showbiz and how hard it is to find a double #I know it’s hard but that doesn’t mean casting a white woman and fucking painting her skin to ‘match’ #shadow and bone #this is really disappointing #they had the fucking resources they just didn’t use them

[buttterknifeee]

How long is forever? - Teen Titans x Aquagirl!Reader

Masterlist

Request: "Hello, May I request an episode insert in the Teen Titans episode 'How Long Is Forever?'"

Summary: Starfire takes a trip to the future... only to find out that you and the other Titans have disbanded. Will she find a way back to the present, or will you live an unfulfilling life forever?? (from S2 EP1)

Pairings: None

Word Count: 3919

A/N: Hey!!! sorry this took a while, it was super hard to write it due to most of it being in Starfire's POV. Most of the episodes in the series are centered around specific titans, so if you have an idea for an Aquagirl centered episode, feel free to send it in!!! (theres also a grand total of one cuss word in there)

Aquagirl’s Room - 2004

“Where is it? Where is it?” you mumble, tearing your room apart. You were looking for one of your CDs that you were in the mood for listening to. You threw your clothes into the air, looked under your bed, and even checked inside of your fish tank, holding the water containing a few tropical fish above you until you gave up. You sighed, finally checking the clock. You realized that you’ve been in your room for an hour and you haven’t even said hello to the other titans. You quickly change into your suit and head to the living room.

You stretched as you walked in. “Hey guys-” you stop in confusion at the scene in front of you. Starfire was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, holding a bunch of necklaces and boxes and babbling something about “Blorthorg”, Beast Boy and Cyborg were brawling for a video game remote, Raven was reading silently and holding up a pair of nail clippers (?) telepathically, and Robin….

Anger bubbles up inside of you as you realize that he was in front of the stereo, blasting music. From your CD. You cross your arms as you march up to the Boy Wonder.

“Hey Rob, whatcha doing with my CD?” You say. “What, was Kelly Clarkson too quiet for you?”

Raven adds, “Yeah Robin, could the music be a little louder? I can still hear myself think.”

He glares at the two of you “I don’t listen- I only turned the music up to DROWN OUT ALL THE YELLING!!” He refers to the two boys. Cyborg now had Beast Boy in a headlock, holding the controller triumphantly.

“Whose turn is it now, tough guy? Whose turn is it now?” Cyborg taunts the green teen.

“Knock it off! I can't work with you two acting like idiots!” Robin yells.

“Work?? The only “work” I see you doing is stealing my stuff!” You snap.

“Great. More yelling will definitely stop the yelling.” Raven says, a sarcastic smirk on her face.

The three of you glared at each other, Cyborg and Beast Boy were still fighting, and one of Starfire’s necklaces broke, its beads tumbling onto the ground.

“STTTOOOOPPPPP!” the alien princess screamed. You stared at her in surprise. She took a deep breath and recomposed herself.

“ Friends must never behave this way, and especially not on Blorthog! Do you wish to invite the Rekmas?” she said.

“Gesundheit?” Beast Boy said, confused by her vocabulary.

“On my world, ‘Rekmas’ means ‘the Drifting.’” she explains. “The point at which close friends begin to drift apart, and their friendship begins to die.” She frowned. You immediately felt bad for all the yelling you did.

“Aw, come on, Starfire.” Cyborg comes to her side.

“We are so not Rek-whatever-ing.” Beast Boy reassures her.

“We're getting on each other's nerves a little. Big deal.” Raven says.

“Fighting’s just a part of life. As long as we resolve it, we’ll be fine.” You say.

“Yeah. This is just typical roommate stuff. We're not going to drift apart, Star. I promise. We'll all be friends forever.” Robin declares

“Forever?” Starfire asks. Before you could answer, Robin’s T-communicator beeped. The communicator was flashing red, and he turned to you and the others.

“Titans! Trouble!” he says. You all rush out of the Tower and into the city.

You find the “trouble” in the Jump City museum. It was a man wearing black and gold armor and a goatee: Warp. He was monologuing to a bunch of guards that he had frozen.

“I didn't journey back in time one hundred years to squabble, I came to steal.” You see him reaching for one of the clocks. “The Clock of Eternity. Valuable in the past, priceless in the future.” Robin steppeds forward, throwing his birdirang to knock Warp’s hand back.

“But for the present...you'll keep your filthy hands off it.” He says, announcing the Titans’ entrance. The man turns to the six of you.

"The Teen Titans. This is a treat. I read all about you in the historical archives. And now, you're all history!” He fires his laser at you all.

“Titans! Go!” Robin yells as you scramble to dodge his rays. He blocks Warp’s rays with his staff, but at the last shot the staff breaks, and he backed up. Starfire blasts her starbolts at him, but the bolts ricochet off of him and hits her, sending her to the ground. You and Beast Boy attack him now, a stream of water lifting you into the air by your feet. You put your hands in front of you and a jet of water blasts out of your hands, heading straight for Warp. He held his hand us as the water made contact with him, and froze the water. The ice traveled up the jet of water and onto your hands, encasing them in the long shard of ice. You fell, the weight of the ice dragging you down. You winced as you saw Beast Boy meet a similar fate, his animal form frozen in ice next to you. You struggled to free your hands as Cyborg and Raven both went down. Robin gives one last attempt to take Warp down, running towards him.

“You cannot defeat Warp. I am from the future.” He says, throwing disks towards Robin. He dove to the side as the projectiles exploded. “And your relics are one hundred years out of date." He grabs the clock and presses a blue lens from his armor. Suddenly, a blinding white portal forms in front of him. Your hands were still stuck so you had to squint.

“Ta-ta, Titans. I have enjoyed our time together, but I've got a very bright future ahead of me.” He sneers, stepping through the portal. You finally pull your hands out of the chunk of ice just in time to see Starfire slam into Warp, sending the two of them into the portal.

“Starfire!” Robin yells, trying to dive in after her, only for the portal to close and him to fall on the floor. You pull him up from the ground and look around. Starfire was gone.

Titan’s Tower-2024

Starfire couldn’t believe what was going on. After tackling Warp, she ripped off the lens on his suit and ended up in Jump City, 20 years into the future. She found Cyborg alone in the rotting Titans Tower, hooked up to a large battery. He explained that the day she left, the Titans fell apart, and disbanded soon after. He told her that the others can help her get back to the present, telling her where to find you, Beast Boy, and Raven.

She found herself at a circus whilst looking for Beast Boy. There in a cage, sat Beast Boy, changing into various animals. She approached the cage as he turned back into his human form. He was now a pudgy old man, with a great deal of hair loss. He looked at her with wide eyes through the bars.

“No way! It's you. But how?” he asked, peering at her with his wrinkled eyes.

“I require your help.” Starfire said.

“What kinda help?” Beast Boy asked.

“The future is not as it should be. We must find Warp. I will free you from this--” Beast Boy stopped Starfire from continuing her sentence.

“This cage isn't to keep me in! It's to keep those maniacs out!” he explained in a panicked tone, referring to a group of kids. “Look. After the Titans broke up, I tried the whole solo-hero thing. Got my butt kicked, a lot. So now, well…”

He turned into a chicken briefly to illustrate his point. “ Besides, I'm in the showbiz now.” Starfire could tell he wasn’t happy with where he was, but there was nothing she could do. She left Beast Boy and went to find Raven.

She found Raven in a room in a broken down building. She was standing in a pure white room, wearing a white cloak to match. Her back was facing Starfire when she arrived.

“Raven?” she squeaked, inching into the room. “Raven, it is Starfire, your friend”

“No such thing.” she groaned, her back still facing Starfire. Starfire’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Please, Raven I-”

“Just another figment. Don’t even look.”

“You must listen! I am here because-” she pleads, but Raven stops her.

“I’m never coming back! Go away!” she yells, Starfire backing up in fear. “It has to go away. Just like before. Just like all the others.” Starfire frowns in realization. She must not think I’m real; she thinks it's all in her head.

“Your mind.” she says softly, approaching the cloaked woman. “Without friends, you must have--” Starfire was about to touch Raven, but her familiar dark shield formed around her. She gasps, then eventually leaves the room in defeat. There was one last person she could try talking to. You.

She walked by the Jump City beach, the same place where you got your powers all those years ago. Suddenly, you rose out of the ocean, the water around you carrying you onto shore. Your face was stuck in a permanent glare, different to your constant smiles as a teen. You were taller, definitely had a few wrinkles, and you were wearing Atlantean clothing. Starfire flinched at your sudden arrival.

“Aquagirl! how-”

“I don’t go by Aquagirl anymore. I am Queen (y/n), ruler of Atlantis. And word gets around when one of your old teammates who had disappeared 20 years ago is roaming Jump City again, even at the bottom of the ocean.” You say coldly, eyeing her as she shrunk at the sight of you.

“What had happened to you, my friend?” she asked.

You sigh, recalling your memories. “After you disappeared and the team disbanded, I vowed to never be as soft and vulnerable as I was then. I moved to Atlantis, and was eventually appointed ruler.”

“Oh my, that sounds terrible!” Starfire exclaimed. “I need your help my friend-”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. It’s not terrible, I am quite fine just the way I am. And we were friends 20 years ago; things have changed.” You turn your back to her. “I must get going; there’s much I need to do.” Starfire stares at you in sadness as you walk back into the ocean, the water swallowing you up and the waves lapping like normal.

Starfire trudges through the snow-covered city, when a laser blast knocks her back. Her eyes raise to meet with Warp’s, his weapon aimed at her.

“What’s the matter, dear? Have I come at a bad time?” he snarls, opening fire once more. She dodges his shots and fires back, but the starbolts simply bounce off his modern armor. She tried to hit him close up but he held up his hand and ice formed around her midair. The large chunk of ice containing Starfire drops and shatters, leaving Starfire on the ground, shivering. She glares at Warp, who now has deeper wrinkles on his face.

“You have become so old,” she notes, still on the ground.

“That's what happens when someone steals my vortex regulator.” he says, holding out his hand. “The regulator, if you please. I really must get back to my future.” She stands up and takes the lens out from her belt. She couldn’t let him leave, especially when she’s stuck in a future like this. She held the disk next to her and warmed up a starbolt, as if to hold it hostage.

“If you ever wish to see your future you will repair the damage you have done to my past!” she yelled, anger bubbling up inside her. The villain laughed.

“Damage? Silly girl. There's nothing wrong with your past. One cannot damage history, because history cannot be changed.” He held up the clock and continued. “I went back in time to steal this because history says it disappeared. And history says it disappeared because I went back to steal it. Past, present, future. It's all written in stone, my dear.”

Starfire stood in disbelief dropping her glowing hand. No… this can't be the future we’re destined to live. Such terrible lives… she thought. Warp walked up to her shocked state and took the lens out of her hand.

“And nothing you do can ever change it.” he scoffed. Warp prepared to blast her when he was knocked into the alleyway by an unknown figure. Starfire snapped back into reality and looked around for you had knocked the villain back. A dark silhouette lept forward and threw Warp against the end wall of the alley. They threw disks at the villain, the area around him exploding. When the smoke cleared, Starfire could see that Warp had used a force field. He released his shield only to be met with the mysterious figure dropping down towards him. He stared straight at Starfire.

“Another time, perhaps.” he said. Before the shadowed person could reached him, he dropped into the ground. The person who had tried to fight him landed right where Warp had been, and as they straightened up, Starfire inched forward to see who it was.

“It’s good to see you again.” the person said. Starfire could recognize that voice from anywhere, and apparently, anytime.

“Robin?” she asked.

“I haven’t used that name in a long time.” he said, finally stepping out of the shadows. He looked nothing like the Boy Wonder she knew. His traffic-light esque uniform was replaced by a black suit with a blue bird on the front. He still wore a mask and he now had long, black hair.

“Call me… Nightwing.”

Starfire found herself in Robin’s (or Nightwing’s) base. She looked at a glass case of his old uniform, a feeling of melancholy washing over her. She was glad that he was ok, but the Robin she once knew was now nothing more than a mannequin display. Nightwing wrapped a blanket around her with a small smile.

Nightwing finally spoke. “So I’ve heard you’ve been looking for help.”

Starfire sighed. “There is nothing you can do. There is nothing anyone can do. The past cannot be repaired, the future cannot be altered, no matter how wrong it seems.”

“So it’s impossible.” Nightwing determined from her rant, walking towards a bunch of computers. “Good. If memory serves, we've done the impossible before.”

Nightwing’s words had surprised Starfire. None of the others had said anything as hopeful since she’d arrived here. A small fire of hope blossomed inside of her.

“I held on to this,” Nightwing says, pressing a button from a device. “...just in case.” Starfire’s eyes widened, realizing that it was a T-communicator. The communicator began to flash red, and to Starfire’s delight, so did her neck piece and wrist guard.

At the bottom of the ocean, you sat on a throne, talking to your advisers. As they left, your seashell necklace began to flash red. You looked at it in surprise, recognizing what it meant: it was an emergency signal that Robin had put in your necklace while you were still in a team. Even after 20 years, he had never used it until now. You began to get up from your throne when a group of your advisors came back, swarming you with scrolls and questions. You sat back down, a bitter feeling in your throat.

Beast Boy’s belt had flashed red whilst he was performing a trick in his animal form. He quickly jumped back into human form. He observed his belt for a moment before stepping back, hanging his head.

Cyborg's robotic eye flashed red as he sat alone in the Titans Tower. He immediately got up and started towards the door, only to be stopped by the wires keeping him alive and stuck inside the tower. He looks back at the power source.

Raven still stands alone in the room, her back facing the door. The brooch of her cloak flashes red, and without looking at it, she covers it with her hand.

Starfire and Nightwing venture to Jump City museum, where they find Warp, fixing his time travel suit. He wields the lens that he took from Starfire to his suit, whilst talking to himself.

“Tick-tock.” he laughs. “Just a few more seconds, and I shall finally--” his sentence was cut off by Nightwing knocking the tool out of his hand, revealing him and Starfire’s position.

“The future will have to wait.” Nightwing says, extending his staff. “You just ran out of time.”

Warp growls and fires laser beams at them, causing them to split up to avoid getting hit. Starfire shoots her starbolts at Warp again, despite them getting deflected by his force field. Nightwing however, jumped down on him again, using his staff to crush one of his lasers. He turns to face Nightwing, but Starfire lands a hit on his back with her starbolt. He tries to laser Starfire but has to dodge Nightwing’s staff attacks that barely strike him. He fights quickly and with fury, eventually knocking Warp flat on his back. The two heroes step close to him to inspect him. But Warp grins, and uses his second laser to blow a hole through the roof, snow and rubble falling onto Starfire.

“Star!” Nightwing yells, but Warp blasts him back with his laser. Warp runs over to the tool he dropped and started repairing his suit again as Nightwing helped Starfire up. Suddenly, he was blasted back by a familiar blue ray. Starfire and Nightwing turn to see Cyborg, his arm cannon smoking, but being able to function without any wires.

“Boo-yah” he says with a grimace.

“Cyborg!” Starfire exclaims, flying over to the half robot. “You are repaired!”

“Glad you could make it,” Nightwing says, joining them.

“Wouldn't have missed it. Now who said y'all could start without me?” Cyborg said as Warp stood back up.

“So sorry,” Warp said, holding up another device. “Perhaps I should finish you first!” Before he could use the device, he was attacked by a green lion, Beast Boy. Warp looked at the lens he was repairing, now crackling with electricity. In anger, he pointed a laser at him, but a jet of water shot up from the floor. You ran into view, a trident now in your hand.

“Heard you guys needed help!” you yell, a hint of a smile peeking out from your stoic face.

Before Warp could fall to the ground again, he is overtaken by magic, and thrown into the side of the wall. Raven materializes, still wearing a white cloak.

“Nobody hurts my friends,” she said, reminiscent of the first time you met her.

“Dude, that is so unfair,” Beast Boy whines, comparing his bald head to Nightwing’s flowing hair. The six Titans turn to see Warp, who has managed to create a wormhole, despite his suit being damaged.

“It seems my time has come,” Warp said, preparing to walk through the wormhole. Nightwing threw a birdarang at Warp, Warp throwing his own disk to intercept it. Starfire watched in awe as the birdirang sliced through Warp’s disk and hit him in the chest, right where the lens sat.

“Uh?! No! NOOOOO!” the six of you watched in horror as Warp regressed in age until he was nothing more than a screaming infant.

“Ok, I am not changing any diapers.” Beast Boy said, staring at the baby.

Cyborg looked at Starfire. “We gotta get you home. Come on!” he pointed at the wormhole, which was shrinking. He took the lens from the suit and put it in his arm cannon. He fired at the wormhole, making it bigger.

“Im redirecting the wormhole.” Cyborg said, turning to Starfire. “Starfire! Go!” She steps towards the portal and looks back at her friends. Their lives seemed so lonely and.. dissatisfying. Is this life they were destined to live?

“Please, must this really be our future?” She asked. The rest of you looked at her silently, sadness in your eyes. “Is there nothing I can do to change it?” Nightwing stepped up and looked directly into her eyes.

“I'm sorry, Star. There isn't time.” Nightwing said. He placed the clock that Warp had stolen in her hand and his other hand on her shoulder. He gives her one last smile before stepping back towards the other Titans, beckoning her to enter the portal. Starfire took a deep breath, and walked into the portal.

Jump City Museum - 2004

“Ta-ta, Titans. I have enjoyed our time together, but I've got a very bright future ahead of me.” He sneers, stepping through the portal. You finally pull your hands out of the chunk of ice just in time to see Starfire slam into Warp, sending the two of them into the portal.

“Starfire!” Robin yells, trying to dive in after her, only for the portal to close and him to fall on the floor. You pull him up from the ground and look around. Starfire was gone.

“Oh my god,” you whispered.

Beast Boy stared at the place the portal was. “Um, where did she-?”

Another portal opens with a brilliant flash between Beast Boy and Cyborg. Starfire falls out, curled around an item. You all rushed towards her.

“Dude!”

“Whoa!”

“Star! What happened?” Robin asked as the portal behind her closed.

“History said it disappeared.” Starfire said, straightening and revealing the clock warp had just stolen. “But history was wrong!”

The boys stared at her dumbstruck but you laughed, diving in for a hug.

You stood with the other titans as Starfire recounted her story. You covered your mouth in awe to find out what happened to you and the others in the future.

“Then Nightwing handed me the clock and I entered the vortex.” she finished.

“Woah,” Raven said, shocked by the recount of Starfire’s story.

“Bald?!” Beast Boy yells, grabbing at his hair. “You're telling me I'm going to be bald?!”

“Gosh, Star, all of our lives seem so terrible,” you say, thinking about what Starfire had said about you. You were a queen (which was cool), but you were also a cold hearted bitch (super uncool). You didn’t want that to happen, and more importantly for you to no longer be friends with the other Titans.

“Guess you were right about all that Rekmas stuff,” Cyborg said, slightly concerned.

“I don't want us to drift apart. Does it all have to happen? Isn't there anything we can-” Robin worries out loud, but Starfire stops him.

“Our friendship has already changed Warp's past. I believe it can also change our future.” Starfire says with a smile.

“Yeah I mean, the original reason we “broke up” was because of Starfire disappearing, and since she’s here now, we aren’t breaking up!” You chimed in, grinning at the other Titans.

Raven picks up the broken necklace with her telekinesis, stringing them back together.

“So… is it too late to do this festival-of-friendship thing?” she asks.

Starfire’s eyes sparkled. “Oh, it’s never too late!”

You all put on the bulbous necklaces Starfire brought in the morning.

“HAPPY BORTHOG!!!” Cyborg cheers.

“I thought it was Blort-Hog,” Beast Boy wondered.

“Okay, I feel like a wind-chime.” Raven groans.

“A very cool wind-chime,” you winked.

Starfire put the last necklace on Robin. He raises an eyebrow at her.

“So… Nightwing, huh?” he asked.

“Don’t even think about it bird brain,” you yelled from across the room, causing him to blush. You all burst out into laughter. The tower stayed cheerful the rest of the night.

#butterknife's x reader series #teen titans #teen titans x reader #teen titans 2003 #teen titains go #teen titans cyborg #raven teen titans #robin #dick grayson x reader #dick grayson imagine #dick grayson #starfire #raven #rachel roth #raven x reader #beast boy #beast boy x reader #cyborg #vic stone #victor stone #aquagirl #garfield logan #teen titans imagine #x y/n #x reader #robin x reader #fanfic #fanfiction

[lonelyasawhisper]

Queen: The Greatest Show In The World

Chas de Whalley, Sounds, 11 September 1976

"EXCUSE ME, are you with Queen?" was the question.

I looked round. Yes, I suppose a young chambermaid in the country hotel twenty five miles from Edinburgh might think that. After all I was one of the only people in the Peebles Hydro without a suit and tie and my arrival the day before had coincided with the news that Queen were to be staying there too. At the height of the Edinburgh Festival, when every available room in town is booked by American tourists, there can have been nowhere else for the band to stay anyway. Not if Freddy Mercury was to be kept in the style to which he is accustomed.

"Only vaguely," I replied. "Why?"

She wanted me to get her their autographs. At two o'clock in the afternoon, when I'd only just discovered I would actually be ALLOWED to see the band in concert, let alone in private? Not so easy my dear. Try me later, when I know just what's going on, alright?

Alright.

But things weren't alright.

I had been flown up to Scotland with the immaculate Miles from the NME and the lovely Lynne from EMI Press Office. We were all at work on Kevin Ayers and the Soft Machine's joint gig at the Edinburgh Playhouse. But when we arrived at the Peebles Hydro Hotel there to my surprise was a letter, with my name on it, clipped to the receptionist's board.

'Mr. Chas de Whalley'.

Please phone Barbara Charone tonight (sic), if possible. (Urgent). She advises you should stay another night in Edinburgh and revue (sic) "Queen"!

Since when did Barbara advise anyone? A Queen 'revue' (and I was to have good reason to remember that spelling) was expected of me, and I hadn't even realised they were to be playing a gig there at all!

Miles had, but then Miles knows most things, it seems. He'd been trying for a ticket for the last week but had met the same stone-walled reaction everytime.

Lynne repeated it. EMI and John Reid the band's manager had insisted that there must be no Press at the Edinburgh Playhouse. After all this was to be the first Queen show for almost six months AND the debut date on a short tour that was to feature new material and new stage routines. Too much at risk. Between them they were adamant. Apologies all round, but we were not to see the show.

That I did was the result of more strange manoeuvres. It would probably bore you should I go into details about late-night restaurants, three quarters cut managers and equally befuddled yet tactless journalists.

So let it suffice to say that the atmosphere around Queen is strangely unreal. A world of Product and Image, Spieling and Dealing. In short the world of SHOWBIZ.

And I hated every minute of it.

Especially as it was so total. Every joint of the Queen organisation seemed so well armoured that if you did manage to penetrate the steel plate, it was only because there was chain mail underneath to ensure that stray journalistic blades would be kept safely away from the heart of the matter.

AND WHAT was the heart of the matter?

I don't know, do I?

But I'll tell you what I think...

I think Queen have no Heart at all and perhaps even Ice where that Heart should be. I already suspected that they have little in the way of Soul. The most cursory examination of their musical record suggests that one immediately. The clinical sound and the diamond hard song structures, there's precious little warmth on a Queen album.

The air of secrecy and subterfuge and Slothropian dealing did little to ease my doublts. In fact it only served to heighten my paranoia. After all, legs do get broken occasionally in the rockbiz and although, naively as it proved, I was hoping that I would find Queen's musical abilities impressive enough not to actively dislike their concert, I knew I would have a couple of unkind things to say.

I didn't realise quite how many.

To make matters worse they put on such a good show that a man feels guilty and dishonest if he criticises it. I mean, not only was it a good show, it was a great show. Coming to the band fresh I would be tempted to suggest that Queen have never played a better gig in the whole of their career. Indeed, if I were a Queen fan, I would seriously consider following the band to each and every show they will be doing in the next couple of weeks. But I'm not a Queen fan and little short of financial inducement could draw me along anywhere they might be booked to play.

I don't mind lightshows, smoke bombs and loud, loud music. And I have no objection to costume changes either. Not in principle anyway. As for commercial pop of the highest intelligence and technical skill, I get off on that quicker than most.

And if that was all that Queen have to offer, my job would have been easier. I could have approached them like I did 10cc at Knebworth. You know the thing. Here's a good band, they make records, can they pull it out on stage? So, 10cc were shoddy and disappointing but they had exhaustion and a cold breeze playing against them. They got by because, for all their cynicism, they still retain a deep love for people in general. Or as they used to say at English Literature Seminars: 'A Deep Love for Mankind'.

QUEEN DIDN'T and they lacked even the sense of humour of the blackest of comedians. In fact, if Queen love anyone at all, it's themselves.

That's obvious enough the moment Freddy Mercury hits the stage. The ballet steps and the centre-fold poses. The sharply pressed boiler suit and the £25 hair-do. Those sharply defined and oh so exotic Eastern features. I mean, he looks like he might eat vices for breakfast that you and I have never dreamed of.

And that element of narcissism is central to his image. It's right there in the name of his band too. It would be impossible to deny it in his music. That's probably one reason Queen are so popular.

The other reason, of course, lies in the fact that Freddie Mercury and Brian May write some really good songs and perform them just so. I have never seen a band so proudly confident as Queen were in Edinburgh. Nor a band who were performing and playing honed to such a sharp edge it could threaten you out of your seat. As the smoke bombs smoked and the thunder-flashes thundered and Freddie Mercury danced from one costume change to the next, Queen took us immaculately from their first album to their last and offered a glimpse at some of the material that will soon grace their next.

There was 'Ogre Battle' with those incisive and aggressive falsetto harmonies, 'Flick Of The Wrist' from Sheer Heart Attack and the gaily acoustic '39' from Night At The Opera. The audience sat rivetted, gaping at the stage like it was a movie screen. The backing tapes offered their assistance on 'Bohemian Rhapsody', Brian May took a five minute solo during 'Brighton Rock' and, criss-crossed by lights that cut through the smoke like lasers, Freddie Mercury and the Echoplex performed a 'Prophets Song' that would have shamed the Swingle Singers.

If that wasn't showmanship then neither was the medley of old favourites nor 'You Take My Breath Away', a new, delicate song that Mercury sang seated at his piano.

But it was all such an Act in the Greatest Showbiz Traditions, and transparently so, too.

Mercury talked to the audience like this was Batley Variety Club. You know, the mid-Atlantic accent and:

"We've come to the part of the show where we normally play a medley." And:

"This is the spot in the show where we do a request. What would you like to hear?"

ALWAYS THAT word 'show'. If you hadn't guessed it already from the lights and the bombs and the costumes, Mercury is telling you himself. This ain't rock 'n' roll, no nose to the grindstone boogie, not even bona-fide heavy metal. It's a spectacle of Busby Berkeley proportions. All form and no substance. As Mercury swaggered with his stick mike in one hand and a tambourine in the other this could have been Frankie Vaughan and his straw hat and cane routine. Update that a little and Queen have about as much to do with what rock 'n' roll is all about as Cliff Richard has. Less in fact, 'cos Cliff's past is worth something at least.

But the audiences love it all the same. As Queen left the stage at Edinburgh the auditorium filled with smoke. Up on their chairs' all around me, people were shouting and cheering. Dim red lights, groups of shadowy figures gathered together in the smoke and all the time this shrieking wailing noise of human voices. I was as straight as anyone can be after two beers but I began to feel very frightened.

I had come with several thousand others to see a rock 'n' roll band. Everybody else had the time of their lives while I hated every minute of it. You can't afford to discount audience reaction so, I suppose, I was in the wrong.

But surely there is more to rock than glamour and greenies.

Isn't there?

Retrieved from rocksbackpages.com

#article #review #sounds #1976 #queen band

[freddiekluger]

please drop the essay length analysis Judas and Jesus (extra gay Swedish edition), O great and knowledgeable monarch of our times

alright, you ask i deliver! please excuse any typos, my eyes aren't exactly working rn

welcome to my probably super subjective but correct analysis, aka

Judas Was Right and Jesus Was A Victim (At Least, In Swedish)

Before we get started, a couple points: i’ll try to avoid comparisons to other specific productions, i’ve only seen the other recorded 2012 british version which i didn’t like for reasons including but not limited to the amount of white people with dreadlocks. Also, my understanding of swedish is limited to a couple words and phrases, so most of the lyrics i reference will be english subtitles from Ola Salo’s swedish translation and therefore might not be the most accurate !

There’s so much i could cover in this, but for now i’m going to focus on how jesus and judas are portrayed in the 2014 swedish arena tour of Jesus Christ Superstar (JCS) starring Ola Salo as Jesus and Peter Johansson as Judas, along with how this production more implicitly views god. 

From the opening number, translated into swedish as En Dimmig Himmelsdröm (A Foggy Heaven’s Dream), Peter Johansson’s acting and semantic differences in the lyrics present us with a deeply sympathetic portrayal of Judas. Looking purely at language, the english equivalent Heaven On Their Minds instantly paints Judas as much more of a faithless doubter- lyrics exclusive to the english version like “all your followers have gone blind / too much heaven on their minds” and “they think you’re the new messiah / and they’ll hurt you when they find they’re wrong” strongly enforce Judas’ main motivation for his actions being that he has less belief in Jesus and God’s plan than any of the other disciples with strong statements judging the other disciples for following him and claiming that Jesus ISN’T the messiah. The swedish translation doesn’t paint exactly the same picture- the focus of Judas’ number becomes his fear for Jesus’ wellbeing, not because he isn’t the messiah (the production remains fairly ambiguous on this point), but because Jesus can’t cope. The root of Judas’ concern comes from fear for Jesus’ wellbeing, and the disciples are referenced as regularly misunderstanding and wilfully twisting Jesus’ words. The swedish equivalent lyrics for the above examples are “they say, “jesus is god’s son” / but you know how people can change” (judas isn’t concerned with truth, just the danger that jesus will be in if the tide turns), and “the kingdom of heaven is within us, that’s what you said / bu they sew it, stitch by stich into some kind of foggy heaven’s dream”. Judas is showing that he HAS been listening and cares for Jesus’ teachings, but ‘they’ [his disciples] are turning them into something else entirely, and Judas’ worries that the support of the masses is fragile at best- the lines “and everything you say gets twisted by your lackeys / it will be anything but what you’ve said”  and “you are being used by people who want you in their battle” reinforces this again. When combined with Peter Johansson’s tough but tender performance, in which he dances between disdain for Jesus, the institution, and affection for Jesus, the man (an important distinction), Judas is the harsh realist doing his best to look out for the man he loves. The way he takes Jesus hands and looks at him with love and urgency straight away establishes that his motivations are pure- Judas is doing what he thinks is best, even though it feels like no one will listen to him. 

That was long, but En Dimmig Himmelsdröm is the perfect character introduction for Judas. He’s not totally unrecognisable, still delivering digs about ‘Jesus, the little carpenter’s son’, his manner is still rough and at this point we’re not sure whether or not the claims he makes about the disciples have any truth to them, BUT we can also see how much Jesus means to him, an important point that give context to the intensity of their future arguments and really makes the whole story much more heartbreaking.

This brings me to Ola Salo’s Jesus. Delightfully camp and queercoded, Judas describes him as being caught up in his own magic and mystery and buckling under the pressure, and he’s not entirely wrong. Throughout the first act, Jesus basks in the luxuries that being messiah can give him (the oils Mary paid for using disciple funds that were supposed to go towards helping the poor, him absolutely thriving in the shopping cart in What’s the Buzz?), and is shown actively avoiding any reminders of the seriousness of his position. He’s sick of the disciples asking him for a plan, he chooses the comforting Mary, who’s theme consists of telling Jesus everything is okay and he doesn’t need to think about anything, over Judas, who is less perhaps ‘cosy’ but is actively trying to warn and protect Jesus from an awful fate. During The Temple, he starts to crack as he’s overcome by the followers begging him to make him well, fear in his eyes as he raises his arms while frozen on the spot trying to avoid being devoured by the frenzy in desperate need of a messiah. Judas’ point about Jesus buckling under the pressure is starting to look more and more reasonable, and the dashes of showbiz campness add to the sense that much of Jesus is a persona constructed for the masses to give himself enough distance to prevent him from being crushed by the weight of God entirely. Jesus, the institution, prances around, lays his hands on his followers, and projects an air of easygoing calm. Jesus, the man, is scared and alone, and Jesus, the man, really comes out in Last Supper, but before we get there, I want to circle back to the Jesus/Mary/Judas thing.

Jesus, Mary, and Judas are presented as a love triangle: so much so, that Judas seeing Mary sing of her love for Jesus (I Don’t Know How To Love Him) is actually played as the inciting incident that sends him to the pharisees. Judas, the picture of the jealous lover, storms onto the scene, breaking them up and attempting to kiss Jesus, who instead shoves him to the ground in disdain. Judas, who is perhaps a little controlling, realises that any influence he had over Jesus has gone, and it’s likely a combination of jealousy and the knowledge that Jesus won’t stop that prompts him to head to the pharisees. In his meeting with the pharisees (known in english as Damned For All Time, although that phrase doesn’t appear once in the swedish), Judas’ expresses outright that “I’m the one who sees / Jesus, he can’t handle it anymore” “the truth is that this hysteria is making him lose control”, once he can get past explaining how much this plan of action feels like a last resort. He never even verbally or physically accept the pharisees’ offer of money, he denies it twice before it is eventually thrown over him after he reluctantly gives them the date and time to find Jesus- we never even see him pick it up, unlike other productions which show Judas grabbing for the cash and place a higher emphasis on Judas making sure he ‘won’t be damned for all time’, painting Judas as far more self serving. When it comes to Jesus, Judas is active- he’s running around trying to help, caressing him, embracing him, grabbing his hand, kissing him. They share countless moment of intimacy, especially at the start, establishing the fondness between them instead of instantly jumping to their conflict. When it comes to Mary (and admittedly, this is partially because she’s a secondary character- don’t get me wrong I still love her and Gunilla Backman does a brilliant job), she’s much more passive. Other than the much more gentle kisses in I Don’t Know How To Love Him and her penchant for dabbing Jesus’ forehead, she’s mostly just ‘there’. She cares for Jesus after the fact, and even when performing acts of intimacy like the oil and the kiss, she maintains a lot of physical distance- her songs touch on this as, much like Jesus (admittedly for different reasons), she actively distances herself from feelings to protect herself, so naturally she literally places distance between herself and the object of her love.

This brings me back to Last Supper, Gethsemane ( I Only Want to Say), and the kiss of death that broke all of our hearts. Throughout this segment, this is when Jesus, the man, really comes through, and it’s devastating. In Last Supper, he properly expresses the sheer amount of loneliness he feels, reiterating how he feels everyone will forget about him once he’s gone, and doesn’t really care about him as a man (”for you, my blood is not worth more than wine / for you, my body is not worth more than bread” “you will have forgotten me as soon as i give up my life”). This devolves into the disciples fighting each other and, you guessed it, ignoring him. For the first time, Jesus meaningfully lets out his anger, and as it turns to Judas, Judas does the same. Because of the set up of their complicated romantic relationship and the stakes involved, the amount of personal attacks and anger that comes out of Jesus and Judas’ repeated fights (which get physical) make complete sense- Jesus’ frustrations come from the fact that his entire fate has been predetermined and to him, Judas is just another instrument in the ways he’s been controlled (both with Judas being his betrayer, but also the way that Judas’ constant advice and interference with Jesus’ life (most obviously, the mary thing) are acted by Ola Salo as becoming increasingly frustrating to Jesus)- these frustrations are directed at their real cause, God, in Gethsemane. Judas’ frustrations come from the fact that no matter how hard he tries to help Jesus and keep him safe, Jesus keeps rejecting his efforts resulting in “all that we’ve built up [being] destroyed”- Judas’ heart hasn’t just been broken by Jesus rejecting him romantically, but on every level. Here, he’s actually shown to be the disciple most passionate about helping people practically and long term, being the only one concerned about Mary taking money which was supposed to help people, manipulated by the pharisees with the promise of doing good for the masses, and criticising Jesus for how they could be doing so much for people, ending his part of Last Supper with “every time i look at you i ask myself why you let all your things go so wrong? / all i ever wanted was to help you”. 

This is also the point where Judas’ claims about the disciples are essentially confirmed, and this productions intent to portray Judas as more of a tragic hero become absolutely clear. In the english version, the disciples chorus remains virtually the same each time it appears, generally being far too calm considering their leader is about to die, revealing their aspirations to be apostles, and their intent to write the gospels to be remembered. the swedish translation still achieve this, but with variations from chorus to chorus it becomes much more poignant. i’m just going to stick to ttwo, which are choruses 1 and 3. In chorus 1, lines roughly translate to “i’ve always wanted to be an apostle / life is so nice when you’re saved/ then when we’ve got time we’ll write the gospels / then everything will be the way we want”-  the apostles declaring that life is so good when you’re saved supports Judas’ opening statement that they care more about some idea of heaven than anything else, not to mention ignoring the absolute horrors that Jesus will have to go through to be saved, while the final line about the gospels introduces their intent to change whichever details they need to make ‘everything the way we want’: once again, exactly what Judas warned us of in En Dimmig Himmelsdröm. In chorus 3, taking place after Judas storms out for the last time, these lines change to “never really liked that judas / never saw what jesus saw in him / then, when we’ve got time we’ll write the gospels / and we’ll angle it so he gets all the blame”. Judas as a sympathetic character is confirmed here, as the disciples straight up admit how they don’t like Judas anyways and intend to write him as a villain (also inadvertently admitting that, since they have to write the gospels to make it look like only Judas’ fault, Judas isn’t really the sole one responsible for everything that is to come). It’s deeply unsettling, and for me was the point where I really began to question how good any of these disciples were, and by extension, how good is this production’s God if his truly sanctified followers are acting like this?

Jesus vents out all of his anger and desperation in Gethsemane. He acknowledges his own powerlessness and begs him to change the plan, but with the dark stage and no response (along with Ola Salo’s spectacular acting) it becomes clear that if anyone is there, they’re certainly not listening (”you, who have all the power / can you please change the plan / for i can already feel the pain burning in me”). It’s worth mentioning that a lot of the imagery in this swedish version is much more intense than the english, both in this song and the production as a whole. Jesus plainly calls god “thoughtless”, begging to understand, and it’s that this point we realise that he agrees with much more of what Judas has been saying than he’s been letting on- Jesus’ faith appears to be the only thing keeping him from listening to Judas and running away. Judas’ messages about people misunderstanding Jesus’ words also come out (”you care that everyone sees / but not that anyone understands”), and his eventual agreeing to die is played less as an inspiring act of faith, and more an act of desperation as he realises, he realise has no other choice. In this song, we see just how much of Judas Jesus has valued and taken on board, and that his air of carefree aloofness which frustrated Judas was, as we’ve already touched on, a complete act. The line “might as well finish what i’ve... what YOU’VE started” is absolutely miserable, reinforcing one of the major themes of this production: the idea that Jesus and Judas were both just ordinary men tormented by futures defined by forces out of their control. Just as Jesus has absorbed Judas’ logic, as an audience so we have, and it’s difficult to view the rest of the play’s events as anything other than an immense and unnecessary act of cruelty.

we’re almost done i promise!

Even knowing what Judas has/will do, Jesus still greets him with love. Judas, still under the impression that Jesus will be okay and that he’s doing what’s best, approaches him with the utmost tenderness, and the kiss is a beautiful signifier of two things. For Jesus, the return of his love for Judas shows his realisation in Gethsemane that Judas isn’t the one who’s sealed his fate and has only being trying to help, it’s god himself who has decided Jesus’ future. For Judas, the kiss shows that despite all of the anger and frustration that has been pouring out of him, he truly does love Jesus, and the way he cradles the scared and alone Jesus to his chest afterwards shows just how much he wishes he could be the one to help him and keep him close. Even with all their arguments and dysfunction, here Jesus and Judas find comfort in each other, and it almost seems like everything will end up alright. It’s in this moment that Judas and Jesus are most identifiable not as enemies, or as villain and hero, but as archetypal lovers from a Shakespearean tragedy. Neither of them set out to hurt each other, but through miscommunications, their own flaws, and external forces (both natural and supernatural), their love is simply never to be. Furthermore, in the following torture and spectacle, everything that Judas predicted for Jesus is about to come true. Another detail I find interesting is the way that Jesus and Judas both sport black nail polish, leather pants, and similar length hair: along with just looking cool as hell, the similarities really reinforce how close they are and how much they influence each other- it feels like a contemporary version of carrying a cameo or a lock of your lover's hair with you, a way for 'star crossed lovers' to keep a piece of their beloved no matter what.

The disaffected persona of Jesus, the institution, comes back as he’s taken by the authorities and subsequently insulted, degraded, and whipped. Also the swedish version of The Arrest, when the chorus starts singing questions, contains this dick joke and I think we all deserve it: “why were you dating a whore? / talk about a huge magic wand!”

Skipping forward to Judas’ Death, this is where both his character and the production’s conception of god beautifully (and miserably) align. When Judas runs to the pharisees, minor semantic changes (along with the genuine concern and great acting from Peter Johansson) reinforce that this Judas genuinely didn’t know that Jesus would be beaten and sentenced to death the way he has been, and Judas’ concern regarding how things look is played less as ‘oh no people will hate ME!’, but how having sentenced the man you love to death is one nightmarish thing, but for everyone to think you did it knowingly and willingly and then congratulate you for it is unthinkable. Where the english shows Judas’ attempting to evade responsibility for Jesus death, the swedish is more focused on Judas’ guilt, horror, and regret. The english “I’d save him all the suffering if I could / don’t believe our good / save him if I could” is swapped in swedish for “If anyone should die here I should / don’t say I’m good / better if I died”. While the english statements are somewhat empty (sure, Judas says he’d save Jesus’ suffering if he could, but he can’t so we’ll never truly know) and are still focused on Judas’ attempt to construct himself as a good guy, the swedish translation has Judas admit his guilt (even if it’s not really his fault), and make the promise of “better if i died” which, given the name of this sequence, he later delivers on. When english Judas sings “Christ, I’d sell out the nation / For I have been saddled with the murder of you”, swedish Judas sings “Jesus, I’ve been deceived / because of my act your blood’s now being spilt”, and instead of ending this first section with “I should be dragged through the slime and the mud”, swedish jesus returns to the theme of character assasination with “i will be cursed as the one behind your murder”. 

The swedish translation of the next rework of I Don’t Know How to Love Him also places much more emphasis on Judas’ genuine romantic love for Jesus- we’d be here for hours if i listed everything but here are a few key contrasts. The english has Judas sing “I don’t know how to love him /  I don’t know why he moves me”, whereas the swedish has Judas crying while singing “how do I show my love / all I want is to be close to you”. Along with acknowledging Judas already loves Jesus, the entirety of this segment is shifted from Judas singing about Jesus in the third person ‘he’, to a direct address. Judas isn’t performing his sadness, or venting his emotions, he’s emitting one last desperate cry to the man he loves as he sobs on a stage completely shrouded in darkness, and it’s devastating. Peter Johansson lets his voice run raw as he’s belting, and interrupts lines with sobs, and this Judas answers the question of “do you love me too? do you care for me?” with a quiet “no”- Judas is about to go to his death convinced Jesus must hate him, just as Jesus will face his knowing his love inadvertently put him there.

We finally reach Judas’ actual death, and the production’s far more ambiguous (if not negatively geared) depiction of god comes to a head. Judas’ screaming at god the moment he realises that his god essentially forced Judas to be the one to kill Jesus (an act of ultimate cruelty given their love) comes across as horrifying in it’s validity, unlike in other english language productions where it follows the more common characterisation of Judas being an unbeliever who can’t take responsibility for his own actions. When he spits on the ground, screaming “you have murdered me!”, we can’t help but agree- Judas was trying everything he could to stop Jesus from dying, and yet here he is. Most notably, Judas doesn’t set up his own suicide- a noose literally descends from the heavens, already tied, and Judas is literally trapped between the edge of the stage, and the symbol of death behind him. Much like he didn’t choose to kill Jesus, Judas has no choice in his own suicide- it’s suggested to merely be another part of the plan god has for him, and Judas raising his arms to form a crucifixion pose before he finally turns and jumps, disappearing into the depths of the theatre as the rope trails down (somewhat evocative of a leap to hell), highlight the sick joke. Much like Jesus begging in Gethsemane, a plea with god that in anyway implies fault or cruelty is met with silence followed by a death sentence. 

When Judas reappears to the broken and bloodied Jesus in Superstar, he appears as more of a twisted hallucination than the literal spirit of Judas. He’s the opposite of everything he was in life, draped in colour, surrounded by red lighting instead of the signature blue, his hair quite literally let down, joking and dancing. Despite singing about him, Judas virtually ignores Jesus for the whole song except when he’s taunting him, snatching his hand away after a broken and desperate Jesus reaches out for the image of his beloved (refuting Judas’ belief that Jesus would die hating him), along with the swedish additions of Judas repeatedly addressing him as “little Jesus”. Where the living Judas was serious, sometimes harsh but always well intention, often paying more attention to Jesus than he received, this Judas is the opposite: light hearted but cruel, not caring about Jesus one bit. It’s somewhat an inversion of the beginning of JCS, where the tormented Judas was constantly reaching out to Jesus, and often met with scorn and insult (see: most of their arguments, this line from Everything’s Alright: “the thought is beautiful but quite unrealistic / yes, even quite stupid”). As the song goes on, and even as Jesus is crucified, the victorious scoring of the Superstar theme ends up reinforcing the cruelty and questioning of god distinctive of this production: Ola Salo’s Jesus is one of the bloodiest Jesus’s (Jesii?) I’ve been able to find, with blood covering his torso, his arms, and all over his face, not in passive dribbles, but violent ‘swooshes’ spreading out from his eyes, emphasising the fear and pain contained within them. As the music suggests how great and wonderful Jesus’ death is, the images straight out of a horror movie before us don’t seem to match up: as both Judas and Jesus question, if no one is understanding what Jesus is saying, why kill him? instead of making a point, you’re ensuring that the falsehoods continue to circulate, unless spreading the true message isn’t really the intent at all. or, simply that Jesus was wrong: his interpretation and teachings of god were far too kind and practical, and the true god really is the one that he briefly saw in the garden of Gethsemane, and that Judas saw before his death- a cruel and vindictive god using them for his own sick purposes. If you're a strong Christian, I'm sure you could watch this production and still believe that God was right (although I think Jesus and Judas being in love counts as blasphemy), but I think in doing so you'd lose part of what makes this production so hard hitting and, as i keep saying, devastating.

that’s pretty much it for this one! i feel like jesus and judas as a queer couple is less significant to this production than the fact that it’s specifically jesus and judas that are in love - they don’t face explicit homophobia as such, although i do think the paratextual and historical associations of queerness (both with them each looking visibly queer, and them as a couple) adds a beautiful dimension by subverting the standard christian teaching of Jesus’ sacrifice as “a love that changed the world” and making the love that truly could have been transformative (and was, to a degree) the love between Jesus and another man, not to mention the way in which queerness is often viewed as radical perfectly upholding the ‘radical’ views of god and the story of Jesus shown in the production. Why wouldn’t the love between two men be the love which has us questioning god, faith, and that which many of us have been taught since birth? Ola Salo has talked about how he’s able to be positive and negative towards christianity, along with how he wanted Jesus and Judas to really represent two sides of the same coin (’faith and intelligence’), and being bisexual along with having alluded to being raised christian (not to mention Breaking Up With God, a song by his band The Ark), it’s not surprising he’s managed to present such a nuanced and layered interpretation of Jesus Christ Superstar that even me, a trans exvangelical, can fall in love with.

UPDATE: @bands-and-hobbits has just let me know that Ola's dad was a priest! Apparently he's said that he liked the organs and the music, but that was all when it comes to christianity, which (when combined with Ola stating in interviews that the JCS soundtrack has been one of his favourite albums since he was 14) makes a lot of sense about the level of familiarity he had with the text giving him confidence to go in and make changes to really capitalised off of some of the themes that are hinted at in the english version- you have enough information to understand how everything works together, but aren't so dedicated to preserving belief that you feel you can't improve/change things (and my god are we glad he did)

#thank you if you made it this far! #also the inherent rhythm in swedish as a language just makes all of the songs sound better i'm gonna say it #english is really hit and miss when it comes to music and can get especially clunky with musicals requiring exposition #also sorry there's so much i've left out ! #anyways enjoy #jesus christ superstar #jesus christ superstar swedish arena tour 2014 #jcs #peter johansson #ola salo #also i have barely edited this so i hope it's coherent

[bitters-enthusiast]

birthday fic but belated

@timmys-and-scribbles i love you and i am sorry in advance if this is long and cheesy but

1. that’s julian and

2. that’s just showbiz babey

happy belated birthday bestie i hope you enjoy

“No, you don’t understand! Please, I’ll-- I’ll beg on my knees if I have to!”

Julian could be seen, and probably heard, from a block away pleading a poor man operating a gondola on the canal, and it didn’t look much like the man was giving in to him either. 

The man shook his head, planting his hands on his hips. “You-- you don’t have to get on your knees. But I still can’t do it, I’m sorry. It’s too short notice.”

The sob that came from the redhead next was anything but subtle, and he shoved his face in his hands. “Please. Please, sir, everyone else has cancelled on me. Don’t you want to be the minority?? Wouldn’t that be a more interesting story for you?? Please, I’ll pay double, I just need this ride tonight. It doesn’t have to be all night, even just an hour if I could--”

The gondola rower rolled his eyes. The dramatics were a bit much, but Julian had good selling points. “Fine! Fine, if it means you’ll leave me alone and I can get back to work, I’ll do it for double.” 

Julian almost screamed in excitement, and grabbed the man by his shoulders. He gave him a little shake, beaming a smile from ear to ear. “Thank you! Thank you, you’ve saved me. Thank you. I’ll see you in a few hours!”

--

After having shaken this man nearly to death, Julian decided it was time to start grocery shopping. If he was going to plan the perfect dinner for his perfect partner in crime, he wanted to have the perfect ingredients. After all, a pirate couldn’t ask someone to court him if he didn’t at least offer food and drink. . . right? 

He didn’t want to stress about it. This day was already a long time coming, but every time he thought he’d worked up the courage, he found it all lost again when Julianne teased him, or plotted with him another sneaky escapade. This woman definitely, without realizing, always kept him on his toes. And he wanted to return the favor, at least for tonight. Besides, a fun date never hurt anybody, even if he didn’t wind up asking her to be his girlfriend. 

The doctor spent about an hour or so shopping around for a dinner worth remembering. It took some time thinking of recipes he knew from the top of his head, but he settled on something fond from his childhood. Something Mazelinka almost always made, and almost everyone always liked it: soup. You couldn’t go wrong with a perfect soup dish paired with bread. Plus, looking for fresh ingredients and bartering with the merchants kept his mind off of the pent up anxiety he was feeling about everything. At least a dinner he was making by himself couldn’t be cancelled last minute. 

He’d finally settled on everything he needed, and was beginning to head back to the ship. He was carelessly swinging his bags back and forth, whistling a merry little tune to keep him in high spirits. 

The high spirits lasted all of five minutes to keep his mind off his worries.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Julianne, speaking to a familiar baker about eating some lunch. She was ordering some food when she caught him out of the corner of her eye, and excitedly called him over. 

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

She wouldn’t notice the bags, right? Of course she’d notice the bags. But he could just pass it off as stuff for the crew! Or maybe he could just pretend as if he didn’t see her--

Of course he couldn’t do that. 

Awkwardly, he put his arms behind his back, the bags hanging over them. He gave a strange smile and headed toward Juli, giving a head nod of acknowledgement. 

“Heyyyyyyyy... how are, uh-- whatcha up to?”

The woman raised a brow, a smile on her lips as she had just finished joking with the baker. “I’m........ ordering food. Why are you being weird?”

Uh oh.

Julian gave a dismissive ‘psh”, his face turning into an expression of confusion. “I’m not being weird. You’re weird for asking that, Juli. Anyway, what’s on the menu? What’s, uh, what’s for lunch?”

Julianne immediately knew something was up, but she wouldn’t press him about it until later. For now, she’d give him a bit of a hard time about it to see if he’d spill. “Food. Looks like,” she leaned over a bit, just a small part of his groceries in view, “you also have food on the menu.”

He leaned the opposite way, trying to make the bags less noticeable from her angle. “Oh. Oh! These, right. Yeah, Cap sent me out for errands today. You know those men, uh, always hungry! Yeah, can’t go forever without snacking, even if there’s only four of them on ship!”

A small laugh came from Juli. Yeah, she’d have to find out later. “Right. Well, I have to go eat before I go back to my own errands. Would you like to join?”

Why’d she have to be so sweet?? It made him all the more nervous, and he wasn’t being a very convincing actor at the moment. “Oh, I wish I could, darling! But Cap has been on my ass this morning about staying on task! We all know how, um, fleeting time is! I’ve gotta go, don’t worry about me, I’ll see you later on board, right?”

Her eyebrow still raised, she adjusted her own bag and nodded. “Ri--”

“Okay! Perfect! Amazing, and even perfect, you could say. Oh. Wait, I said perfect twice. Anyway, farewell! See you tonight.”

Juli watched as Julian walked away backward, still trying to hide his groceries. As he finally got further away, he tried turning away quickly to take off running, but accidentally bumped into a busy woman passing by. He apologized promptly and profusely, making sure she was at least okay before taking off again. 

Yeah, he was up to something.

--

It finally had gotten darker outside, the sun setting as Julian strode back toward the boat. After a few hours, he had prepared dinner, finalized the gondola plans, and had even set up an nice surprise afterward to make sure everything was picture perfect. As if he hadn’t used the word ‘perfect’ to describe what he was going for all day. With his hands in his pockets, he’d finally settled down on his way back toward the ship, fairly confident in how the night would go.. at least for now. 

As he got closer to his familiar home of sorts, excited to meet Julianne and to get the night started after all this planning he’d done, Julian stops aboard the ramp of the ship, watching as Juli was mid-conversation with his crewmate and co-captain, Gerard.

Damn it. Here we go.

Forcing a smile, he stepped closer to hear their conversation.

A hearty laugh came from the crewmate, one that sounded incredibly devious to Julian’s desperate ears. “He really lied to your face like that, Miss Juli? Ah, you know I’d never treat you that way~”

Shut up. Shut up, Gerry. Not tonight.

Julianne would have been seen to smirk, rolling her eyes. “It’s not that he lied maliciously. I’ll still get him back for lying. But I know he’s doing something behind my back. I’m just confused as to what it is.”

Gerard leaned back against the rail of the ship, giving a nonchalant shrug. “Still. You know, it’s taken him far too long to commit to you. Maybe it’s time you give the ol’ captain a try. I,” a puff of his chest, and he placed his hand upon his heart, “wouldn’t have made you wait this long for me to meet up after lying to you, maiden.”

It was taking everything in Julian to not barge into their conversation immediately. The confidence he’d built on the way back was slowly diminishing, but he’d wait a few more seconds to see where this conversation went. 

“Co-captain, Gerard.” Julianne shook her head in amusement, also taking a seat on a nearby barrel. Might as well make herself comfortable as she waited. “How would Zora feel if she heard you giving yourself all the credit?”

“Hopefully very, very awfully.” Gerard chuckled as he ran his fingers through his hair. “But my point remains. See how he still isn’t here? That just proves my--”

If Julian wasn’t known for dramatic entrances, then the sky wasn’t known to be blue. As if on cue, interrupting Gerard as he tried to make his “point” was easy as pie for Julian, and he climbed aboard with the biggest, most confident grin he could muster to save face. “Julianne, my love!” He greeted as if she were the biggest and most important guest he could ever serve, stepping between the two to swoop her into a hug. “I’m terribly sorry it took me so long to get back! I got caught in a scuffle between two men arguing, and you know I can’t resist a good fight.” The last lines were said between almost-gritted teeth, and Julianne pulled away from his hug reluctantly.

Like her expression was before at the marketplace, she had her eyebrow raised in suspicion. “Is that so? They didn’t happen to also be the ones to eat your snacks, were they?”

Gerard chuckled from behind, making himself comfortable both physically and in conversation. “I’d say Ilyushka has a bit of a hole to dig himself out of here, hmm?”

Begrudgingly, Julian turned to look at Gerard with the same forced smile. 

“Don’t you have a hole to dig yourself into, co-captain? Go find some buried treasure.”

A laugh from the man, as well as a clever reply, “Ah, but why would I go search for one when there’s one perfectly right before my eyes?” He flashed a smile in Julianne’s direction, and then gave an innocent, seemingly curious head tilt to Julian. “Oh, unless you couldn’t see that for yourself. It seems that eyepatch gets in the way of you looking past yourself and seeing what’s in front of you.”

The smirk began to fall from the redhead’s face, and he tried not to ball up a fist onto his friend right about now. In the end, he knew Gerry was teasing, but it didn’t make the blow less hard on his ego.

Julianne wasn’t naive to the tension; she started to make off-topic conversation. “I think Gerard is talking about the wine that Zora brought back after making a deal with the bartender down the street. Something about bringing back some of that Salty Bitters stuff from Vesuvia that you like so much. He wanted to advertise something new.”  

“Right. The wine is the treasure I was talking about.” A final chuckle from Gerard and he stood, clapping a hand against Julian’s shoulder. “Save me some dessert, Ilya. You know where my room is. Send her my way.”

“Bye, Gerry. Have a good night.” Julian pulled away slightly, looking his friend up and down.

Gerard gave a hum of triumph, and pulled his hand away. On his way toward the steps downstairs, he gave a final “You know I will.” in reply.

Once he was finally out of view, Julian deemed it safe to turn back to Juli for conversation. “I am.... so, so sorry, Juli. I know you’ve been waiting for a while.”

“I know you heard the conversation with Gerard.” She replied, placing her hands upon his shoulders. “I’ve been here for a whole of ten minutes. You know how he is. Dramatic.”

He gave a soft scoff in return, rolling his eyes. “More than I am sometimes.”

With a laugh, Julianne pulled her hands away, but not before giving him a gentle pat to the face. “Not quite.” Getting up from the seat she’d made herself, she patted down the dirt that’d gotten on her dress from doing so. “Anyway, are you finally done acting weird, or are you going to keep me on my toes.”

“Well.......” Julian gave a shrug, “Hopefully the latter. But not in a bad way, I swear. I do.”

The woman only gave him a pointed glare in response. In defense, he gently took hold of her hand, and began to lead her off the ship.

“Here. Just follow me.”

--

The doctor had finally gotten Juli all to himself. After all the shenanigans of the day, he could finally wind down and listen to her talk about her day. Her errands, odd customers, the odds and ends of magic that he enjoyed listening to her go on and on about. It was what gave him some sense of normalcy among the absurdity that he endured on the regular. The gondola ride had gone smoothly, and he had definitely given the rower far more than he was worth. If not just for the theatrics and the experience, he hoped that Juli enjoyed it. Maybe she’d grown suspicious of him throughout the day, but he wanted to make it up to her.

They talked about a woman who’d called Julianne in to help cleanse her home, not knowing the “cleanse” wasn’t anything spiritual -- it was because the woman had attempted far too many cleaning spells and caused an overgrowth in weeds in her garden and magic cobwebs in her corners. Julianne had to explain that “cleansing” a house didn’t actually mean to clean it.

How cute. How cute, how cute. 

An hour or so had gone by, and after their ride, they both thanked the rower tremendously. They’d even gotten a complimentary bottle of wine and a basket of fruit -- or maybe the rower was being kind since Julian had paid him so handsomely. 

Then, he took Julianne back toward the shore. 

He had taken hold of her hand and not let go, leading her down the beach close to the docks their ship had stopped on. He was sure she probably thought something odd was going to happen by the end of the night, but he wanted to make sure she enjoyed her time nonetheless. 

As they walked, he made soft conversation.

“You know, the ocean is a view I could never get sick of. It’s so beautiful. And when the moonlight hits it just right--” he gave a chef’s kiss of sorts with his free hand.

“I guess that’s a good thing, considering you’re on a ship the majority of your time.” Juli teased, giving him a gentle nudge. “But I think so too. It’s very captivating. Calming, even.”

“Like you, hmm?” Turning his gaze from the ocean to Juli, he gave a wink. 

With a fond roll of her eyes, she laughed a little. “You’re still being weird.”

“What? No. This is just regular ol’ Ilya.”

“Yeah. Weird.”

He grinned in turn, a grin full of absolute adoration. It was getting easier to rebuild that confidence from earlier. 

They continued their playful banter, all the way up until hey reached a hidden little cove, a tucked away cave of sorts, with a light shining from within. They were far away enough now that the lamps in town seemed like blur now, and Julian preferred it that way for what he had been planning. 

Julianne stopped, looking up at her partner with a confused expression. “What’s this?”

He let go of her hand, make sure he didn’t seem as if he were coming off maliciously. They had met, after all, under the guise that he was a murderer on the run. Julian offered one of his grins, the sweet kind, the kind that made you want to follow him into the unknown on an adventure you wouldn’t want to return from. 

“Just dinner. You trust me, right? You don’t still think I’m a weirdo?”

“Well. I definitely do.” 

A laugh came from Julian, and he just shook his head. He continued forward into the cave, giving her a nod to follow. 

She did, and as they entered, a small table Julian had stolen off the ship was sitting in the middle of the cave, lit candles surrounding it in the sand below to keep light inside. On the table sat dinner: two bowls covered to stay warm, bread on either side of them, a great big glass of wine in the center of the table, and two glasses for one each. 

With a great big swoop of his arm, he gestured toward the set up with a smile.

“Well, here’s the thing I was acting strange about. I just wanted... to set up something nice for the both of us.”

After her jaw had dropped at the initial shock, Juli turned to the man with a growing smile, and she genuinely looked impressed. “I’m surprised you could keep a secret this long.” Although she teased, she found his dinner setup rather charming. Nothing short of the extravagance he made for himself since the day she met him. 

He continued forward once more, pulling one of the chairs out for her to sit. Once she was seated, he also took a seat, and began to pour them each a glass of wine to drink. 

“Also, I stole this wine. This is the one Zora brought back, and Gerard is probably looking for now. Serves him right trying to steal my thunder.”

The woman laughs, reaching for her glass once it’s filled. “They’re going to kill you.”

He shrugged yet again, his signature smirk puling at his lips. “Worth it, if not just for the thrill of the escape.”

As Julian reached to uncover the bowls, a warm, earthy and flavorful aroma takes over the cave, and he explains his escapade to gather ingredients. Making the food proved to be a pain, having to bribe the ship’s cook to let him take over the kitchen to prepare their food, and to help him set everything up while he was out on the gondola ride with Julianne. He talked about how he now owed the cook kitchen duty for a week, and had to scrub the inside of the old hearth to make up for it. But it was worth it for him, to see how much she enjoyed his childhood favorite food. All the more memories to create, even if it was just soup.

Throughout dinner, it seemed as though Julian had about finished off the bottle of wine by himself. He was getting a little tipsy, and a bit more nervous toward the end of them eating. If only he had more liquid courage to help him out.

Julianne noticed how awkward he’d begun to get as dinner went on. When they finally cleared their bowls, he started going on about the importance of the correct shoes in acting. Something was up. 

She reached for his hands, which were getting ready to pour the last few drops of alcohol into his glass.

“Ilya, tell me what’s the matter.” Her voice was soft compared to his big, velvety tone. He couldn’t help himself, not in this state of mind.

“I- no, nothing’s the matter! I’m just saying, how can you frolic about in a tunic and boots? Sure they look great for the aesthetic and for the costume, but you need the smaller and more rounded shoes to move around the stage more fleetly.”

“You’re talking about shoes, Julian, after we just had a nice dinner in a fancy set up in a remote cave.” She laughed a little at the situation, and gave his hands a little squeeze. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

She was right. And he knew that she was. He hadn’t spent all day preparing for this moment to talk about how quick your movements need to be on stage. He had put all of this off long enough. Hell, for months. He was surprised she’d even stuck around that long, unless she thought this was all totally platonic. 

“Yeah. Yes. Yes, there-- there is something I have on my mind.” He let out a slow sigh, mentally preparing himself for his little speech. He knew that she would listen to every word, even if he slurred and stuttered his way through it. Her touch gave him a bit of sobering up, and in turn, he moved his hands to grab hers instead, leaning in closer to her presence.

“I.. hm. I’ve known you for quite a while now. And, for some reason, it feels like I’ve known you far longer than the several months we’ve been adventuring together. I don’t even know if that’s what you’d call it-- never mind. Regardless, darling, it feels like I’ve known you longer than a lifetime. Like I’ve known you since a life too distant to remember. And you... Julianne, you just seem so familiar. You met me thinking that I was a murderer. A fugitive. And even then, even after you thought I was using you, you stuck. You stuck with me. Up until then, I struggled so hard to find something like home. You gave me a chance, and I can tell you haven’t regretted it thus far. I just... don’t ever want to have to just remember you again. I want you to stick around. You’re perfect to be around. My perfect adventuring find. My... my perfect partner. We’ve never made any official call for what this is, and... I know this is all so ridiculous and grandiose and seems like some sort of proposal. In... in a way, it is. I just--” he lets his head fall, and he takes a pause, before he looked back up into Julianne’s face. “Please, little dove, would you give a pirate a chance and just call yourself mine already?”

...

Julianne, flustered, and unsure of how to respond in the immediate moment, searched Julian’s eyes for his genuine feelings. It was a long search -- after all, he’d just poured his onto the table, practically. This wasn’t at all a surprise, they had in fact been in some rut of infatuation without ever having admitted it to one another. It was always just implied. But here they were now, Julian basking in all of his monologuing glory...

Before she could respond, he was quick to make a joke, giving her hands a squeeze as she did his before he had come clean. “Plus, now I’m less likely to get in trouble for starting a fight with Gerard, seeing as how we’d be an official couple rather than just flirting, fleeting friends.”

Julianne shook her head, letting it fall as she let out a laugh. “You... are quite simply the most unbearable person I’ve ever met. In the best way possible.” Looking back up, he simply gave a friendly and teasing shrug in response, and she leaned in to seal the space between them with a kiss.

It wasn’t long before it grew passionate, one full of longing and hope from both of them. It would be hard for Julian to pull away, had he not been wait for a response. Before he let the kiss get carried away, he pulled back, a hand pressed to Juli’s face. 

“So?”

She looked him in the eyes, lifted a hand toward his face, and promptly gave him a flick to the nose.

“Ow!?” His brow furrowed, “What was that for??”

“For lying to my face earlier. I just needed you to know I didn’t forget.”

A huffy laugh came from the redhead as he reached to rub at his nose, now stinging slightly in pain. “Alright. Noted.”

She offered a final, soft smile, reaching to gently swipe her thumb over his nose in comfort. The woman then reached in for a soft peck. “I’ll be your girlfriend, Ilya. Or rather, your co-captain.” 

Julian beamed taking her face into both of his hands. “Oh, I’m so glad. As co-captain, can your first duty be to teach me an adjective other than ‘perfect’? I’m a doctor, not a novelist.”

“Sure. But only if you teach me one rather than ‘weird’,” Juli offered in reply.

“Good, good. But uh, can we wait until after dessert?”

“Didn’t Gerard ask you to save him some?”

“Oh, no. Gerry can starve. I’m sneaking dessert back into my room.”

[brianconnollyandsweet]

An interview to Brian Connolly published in FAN magazine, May 1974

TRANSCRIPT:

When we asked ourselves who we could possibly get to talk about The Sweet, we didn’t have to think too hard. Who better than Brian Connolly, the handsome singer who was there at the beginning of it all? Brian, as ever, was only too willing to help. One of his hobbies is chatting, and as one of his favourite topics of conversation just happens to be The Sweet… he was delighted to oblige.

Brian starts by telling us about Mick Tucker.

“As you know, Mick is the drummer and, as far as we’re concerned, one of the best in the business. It’s only the heavy rock drummers who get the praise heaped on them, but Mick could hold his own in any company. His full name is Michael Thomas Tucker, and I’ll get it in before you can, yes, he has sung for his supper!

“Mick was born on July 17, 1949 [actual year of birth was 1947] at the Central Middlesex Hospital outside London. I remember him telling me that he joined his first group at 14, a Shadows type band. Then he got into a Beatles type group. Obviously a great believer in doing his own thing at the time was our Mick! Anyway, he left school to become a car salesman, which he did quite successfully until he swapped his showroom for showbiz and joined me in a group called Wainwright’s Gentlemen.

“Now that was some group! It was a seven-piece soul band and among its members were Ian Gillan and Roger Glover, who went on to find fame and fortune with Deep Purple. But getting back to Mick, he’s got a very wide taste in music, ranging from Tony Bennet to Argent.

“As regards his appearance, I’d say he is about six feet tall, weighs ten and half stone and has a thing about colourful clothes. Like myself, Mick is a keen swimmer and when we’re away from England on tour he keeps going on about wanting to fly home for a decent pint of beer. He sounds like a record that’s stuck, but we know what he means.

“It goes without saying we reckon he’s a great mate and about as natural as they come. He hates conceit and affected people and makes sure his [illegible] half size doesn’t go up.”

Now it’s Steve Priest who comes under the Connolly microscope.

“Steve is quite a driving force behind The Sweet and drags reserves of energy out of his body when the rest of us have just about had it. He lays down a thumping bass and you don’t have to listen to our records that closely to know how much we like to feature a heavy bass [illegible].

“He was born Stephen Norman Priest on February 23, 1950 [actual year of birth 1948] in Hayes, Middlesex. He’s five feet seven inches tall and weighs nine and a half stone. Steve is another who started in a soul band, which of course were all the rage in the early 60s. During the day he worked as a solicitor’s clerk then switched to car electronics. At night he was with his group, [The] Army, and joined us full-time when he was made redundant at his day job.

“I bet a bloke was never so glad to lose his job.

“Steve is very into songwriting and helps us a lot when it comes to writing stuff for our albums. He enjoys heavy sounds like Led Zeppelin and Jimi Hendrix, but there is a more gentle side in his taste and I’ve known him to be knocked out by tender ballads.

“Talking of taste, he shows it in his favourite actress, Raquel Welch. Steve raves about her when all she does is stand there and look marvellous. He’d go mad if she won an Oscar!

“He’s a bit of a TV addict and isn’t too choosy about what he watches. He says it’s for relaxation anyway, so if a programme is bad or just plain boring, his mind goes blank or he falls asleep. So, the goggle box is doing him some good. But on the other hand, he sets his lively mind to work by doing crosswords, and he’s pretty quick too.

“For some reason, he figures his lucky number is seven, but I’ve never seen it work for him. Steve likes the colour blue, to match his eyes, and would like to have tons of money because he hasn’t found a single advantage in being broke. He’s not alone in that. He says his ambition is to go into record production, but to tell the truth I can’t see him being one hundred per cent happy a back-room boy.

“It would be a matter of months before he missed the applause and the audiences. Steve is a natural show-off, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.”

What does Brian have to say about Andy Scott?

“Andrew David Scott is our great lead guitarist and as you might guess from his middle name, he’s Welsh. Andy was born in Wrexham in North Wales ten inches tall and topped the scale at exactly ten stone before his Sunday lunch!

“Andy has only ever had one ambition and that was to get to the top in his career, and we’re knocked out for him that he’s enjoying a great run because he’s had one or two disappointments along the way. In 1966, he joined a new group called Silverstone and was successful at an audition for TV’s Opportunity Knocks. They were so good they appeared on the show six times.

“Sadly, nothing much went right for them after that, and Andy and his brother joined a singer called Gus Eadon to form The Elastic Band. Then, as they were beginning to get somewhere, Steve Ellis left Love Affair and Gus was chosen as his replacement. The Scott brothers were then joined by a pianist and for six months they backed [The] Scaffold.

“Andy’s next big chance came with Mayfield’s Mule. There was a lot of talent and money in and behind the group, yet still they failed to make it. From there, Andy joined us, and it’s been up-hill all the way. He likes modern jazz and groups like Deep Purple. His favourite [illegible] folk include Gene Hackman, Richard Roundtree [?] and Glenda Jackson.

“He’s the real soccer nut in the band, and Andy’s ambition is to fly a plane single-handed. Unless he promises to use his other hand as well, we’re sticking to the train!”

Brian didn’t know we wanted him to talk about himself as well, but after a bit of gentle persuasion and a threat to let Mick do the job for him, he relented.

“Bit embarrassing, this,” he began. “You probably know I was born in Hamilton, outside Glasgow in Scotland on October 5, 1949 [1945 actually], came to London when I was 12 and the same year made my television debut on The Carroll Levis Talent Show for kids. I was always interested in music, especially when rock ‘n’ roll came along, but I doubted my ability to make a successful career out of it.

“I then had a spell in the Merchant Navy because I thought I would like the life and see the world. All I saw were harbour towns in the east of England. Anyway, I played with a few groups before meeting up with Mick in Wainwright’s Gentlemen and going on to form The Sweet with him.

“I’m five feet eight inches tall, weigh just over nine and a half stone, and have blue eyes and blonde hair. My favourite color is purple, and lucky number [is] five although I couldn’t give you a logical reason why. I enjoy target shooting, playing records and talking to people with bags of personality.

“I suppose I’m even-tempered, but I feel sorry for the people who do feel the lash of my tongue when that temper goes. I show no mercy! I don’t have many close friends, just the group, my family, and one or two people not connected with the business. All in all, I love my work and still can’t get over the fantastic success we’re enjoying.”

#articles #Brian Connolly #Sweet

[dojae-huh]

I love your answers to anons who talk about mistreatment/unfair line distribution song distribution.. I swear every nct project it's gonna come up. The reality of anything in life not just showbiz is that it's gonna be unfair.. and it's impossible to be fair because resources are not infinite. If everyone was so amazing then maybe we should just have solo singers alone (I kid). But yeah the whole underutilisation discourse irks me... Why can't fans focus on what their bias has and realise that SM is not running a charity. They do need to invest in what sells which means it's really up to your bias to fight for whatever resources he/she wants or needs like their sunbaes have. In fact I think NCT as a whole have it WAY EASIER compared to older groups lol and NCTZENS too who are drowning in content but never fail to complain about something when they can direct that energy to promoting their bias smh

There are groups with many members where all members (except maybe one main vocal) are mediocre or not good singers. With these groups the demand for "even line distribution" from fans is more understandable. Lines mean screentime. Screentime means a bigger chance to be noticed. But even in the case of such groups there will be members who have a better stage presence or dancing skills and who will sell the group better, and who, therefore, should get the central position more often.

Usually it works the other way around. Fans like an idol for looks or after finding him funny/cute on a variety show, they choose this idol as their bias, and then start to demand everything for their fave.

"Even line distribution" is an excuse. One complain of many.

- My bias is overworked.

- My bias is not promoted enough and sits at home doing nothing.

- My bias will go bald soon, stop changing his hair colour.

- My bias doesn't stand out, give him a bright hair colour!

- My bias has all the main vocal parts, but he has no screentime in MVs.

- My bias is the leader, the face, the centre, the main rapper, the main dancer, how dare you disrespect him and not send him as the representative of the group?

- My bias is a vocalist, stop giving him rap parts!

Take Jungwoo's case. The first two years the fandom at large complained that he didn't get many lines in songs. Today the fandom complains that Jungwoo is everywhere, gets too much spotlight and Renjun should be in his place in "Universe" because Renjun wanted a -00 unit.

Yes, definitely. NCT members work hard, but their living and management conditions are much better. Same goes to their opinion or lyrics/music being taken into consideration.

The thing is, it's not about the bias, it's about the fan. If you are a fan of a better-off idol, you are higher on the hierarchy. Just look at many army, how freely they belittle all achievements of other bgs, they feel the right.

And how do you measure this "better off"? By how happy your idol looks, how much he likes to work in joined projects with his friends? How much money he earns? Nah, you can't show those off to other fans and wag before their noses, saying "my bias is better than yours, I counted the seconds of sung lines, I counted the likes on fancams and covers, and here is the number of variety show appearences".

Popularity with fans really matters, it brings ads, i.e. money to the idol. However, this popularity doesn't wholly depend on the lines or the number of songs and projects. Look at Shotaro. He had one shot and it was enough to fuel him for a whole year.

#Ask me away #food all around chips all around

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

Mc stroking vinca hair and vinca actually letting her fic?

Written by @an-awkward-ghost

It had become routine for Vinca to drop by at least once per week, and for you to attend as much shows as you could. You spent most of your time with her, either chatting or texting, sometimes engaging in friendly banter or simply exchanging stories. Despite her initial rough and bratty demeanor, Vinca could be surprisingly fun to be around. It was something you enjoyed more and more each day, the very thought of the blonde summoning one of your truest, warmest smiles.

How she had managed to find her way into your heart so quickly, so effortlessly, you’ll never know.

The times Vinca shows affection are increasingly more frequent, actions much like her, light touches, loaded smirks, brash words, stolen glances. She’s a shooting waterfall and a raging blaze both, keeping you on your toes but never letting you fall. Sparkling blue eyes are everything you can see now, imprinted on your dreams and mind and soul like Vinca’s touch has seared into your very skin. The tingle of her fingers never truly fades, it sits like a constant presence at the very edge of your consciousness, something you wouldn’t change for the world.

However, showing the affection you felt for her was a tricky thing. She was at the top of her game when it came to you, when it came to how to get you to fluster, to flounder, to render you speechless, but once the ball was in your court, once you began to turn her games against her, she deflected. You could tell she never allowed any of your attempts or your compliments. Perhaps she didn’t think she truly deserved them. It irked you every time, how someone as prideful as her let everyone’s words reach her but yours.

The very same thought crosses through your mind yet again, as you let your gaze wander from the stars to the blonde besides you.

“I thought you would fall asleep.” You admit – Vinca had come in that night mildly irritated a plan of hers had gone wrong and also exhausted from whatever it is it entailed. She hadn’t told you what that was, yet. Probably something to do with demons.

Vinca snorts, tone lacking the energy it usually had, “Then you could admire me all you like, huh. Bet you are disappointed that didn’t happen.”

You close your eyes, letting the chill in the air keep you focused, “Was that what you wanted me to do?”

A beat passes before she answers, “There isn’t much else to admire, that’s for sure. You don’t seem like a very dedicated stargazer…”

Your lips curl up just slightly, amused. She is sleepy. She wouldn’t leave you such an easy chance to flirt otherwise, “You’re right. There’s a much better star right next to me, isn’t there, Pride?”

Vinca stills for a split-second, “Sure is,” Fabric rustles – she’s turning in your direction, and you can just heart the teasing grin in her voice, “Great, we now know you aren’t entirely blind, squirt. That’ll serve you well.”

“It’s kind of hard to ignore the way you shine, oh twinkly star,” You open your eyes, lifting a hand just slightly to nudge one of her tiny knifes. She snorts again – much softer, more subdued.

“All right, that’s… that’s enough...” She blinks. It’s a slow, sloppy motion. All the irritation that was previously bothering her had completely vanished. “It’s always weird when… you get like this…”

“Weird is my middle name, I guess.” You follow her initiative and turn fully, both of you facing the other. You had kept some distance at the beginning – not much, your house’s roof wasn’t terribly narrow but Vinca had always enjoyed her personal space, and you respected that – but now, that was nearly nonexistent. She laid on her left side, hands resting comfortably before her, mirroring your own position, and if you just inched a little bit closer…

Clear blue eyes found yours, flicked down to your hands then back up again with the swiftness of a hummingbird, bit Vinca didn’t pull away. She didn’t ruin the atmosphere with her usual snark. She just laid there, staring at you with half-lidded eyes, holding her breath just slightly.

You scrutinized her for a second longer, then very hesitantly moved your hand – over her own, and to this her eyes snapped open, both in confusion and caution – and rested it on her nape.

“You’re something else, Vinca.” You murmur. The air vibrates with your words, somehow intense, powerful, and for the first time in ages you can actually feel them strike true, past Vinca’s usual defenses. “I can’t understand you. I don’t think I ever want to. That way, I can just learn something new about you every day.” Your hand moves, deeper into Vinca’s hair, graceful golden locks parting beneath your fingers, escaping through them like water. “And there’s always something to learn, you are too complicated for your own good. Between demons and life and showbiz, you have so many things to worry about…” Down again, to the nape, and Vinca shivers just slightly. “But I’m not one of them. No matter what happens to you, no matter what I see, no matter what I hear, I’ll trust you. I’ll trust your words. Your actions. So please… trust me too, when I say this aren’t empty words.”

Vinca’s mouth moves. No sound comes out. You chance another stroke of her hair, and for a second her eyes flash, thunder in clear sky, body tense, but she relaxes almost immediately. Her breath comes out in a strong gust of wind, not quite a snort, not quite a sigh. “I trust you too much.” She finally says, voice small, suddenly not drowsy at all. She doesn’t look mighty and strong and unreachable like she usually does, but vulnerable, oh so very vulnerable, but despite it all she doesn’t tremble. She meets your gaze, just like she always does, defiant despite it all. It makes your heart skip a beat. “Too much, too fast. What have you done to me, Hannah? Why can’t I… why do you…” She swallows. “Why do you affect me like this?”

The use of your name sends ripples of emotion down to your very core.

“I… I’ve wanted to ask you that, too, ever since we met. I just- I can’t get you out of my head. Every single thing you do, it… It shouldn’t… It takes much more than this to make me fall this hard, and yet you… with each thing…”

Words keep failing. You move your hand again, happy when Vinca smiles. Your heart soars when she reaches for your free hand, taking it softly in hers.

“I never expected to meet someone like you, Hannah.” Her expression softens, and she hesitates just a little before she adds. “Even if you are far too sappy.”

“I try.”

“Maybe dial it back a little?”

“Only if you promise to come watch the stars with me again?”

Her expression shifts, and her vulnerable side is hidden to the world once again as she pulls away, huffing slightly. “Not in this cold I won’t. If you want a real stargazing, then leave it to me.”

For a moment you ponder if you should ask about the change in your relationship, but quickly decide against it. Vinca can only endure so much emotional talk, and the last thing you do is get her to snap at you.

So instead you let the moment pass, roll onto your back, and smirk at her.

“Better live up to my expectations, then, Pride. I’m a hard woman to please.”

Vinca throws the roof a skeptical glance, one eyebrow raised. “If this is all I have to surpass, then I’m not worried at all.”

#Anonymous #answered #lovestruck #lovestruck swm #lovestruck vinca #vinca wren #vinca x mc #sin with me #sin with me vinca #swm #swm vinca #fluff

[itbe-jess]

Maslophobia: Chapter 8

Captured recorded audio of Karl Rodriguez having phone conversations with the formal Paradise Critter performers before their disappearances, including Karl’s himself.

Stevie: Yes?

Karl: STEVEN! How you do, how you do?

Stevie: Okay, who the hell is this?

Karl: What, you don't remember your old work buddy, Karl Rodriguez? Of Karl's Paradise?

Stevie: Oh, you. Just to state one fact: We aren't buddies. We just did work. The only time you've ever treated me like a friend was when I wore the freakin' dog costume. Second of all, what do you want?

Karl: Well, the REAL question is, what do YOU want?

Stevie: What do I want, what?

Karl: With your life, I mean. Have you ever considered getting into acting again? I just had the thought you were a man who looked into a brighter future.

Stevie: Well, I've been putting a lot of thought into it, continuing showbiz. What I want is more than just to hide my face behind some puppet costume. I wanna act. I also wanna write, and create.

Karl: That's interesting!

Stevie: But what I really wanna do is direct.

Karl: Oh! A little showbiz humor there!

Stevie: [*Chuckles*] Yeah. Say, Karl, I have another question.

Karl: Shoot.

Stevie: Why the fuck are you poking into my business like this?

Karl: Well, bet you haven't noticed, but I'm still doing work at Tam Studios!

Stevie: Great. How about telling me something I should care about?

Karl: No no no no, you don't understand, Stevie. I wanna help you pave your career way!

Stevie: What?

Karl: Help you find a new line of work! Tam is beginning the productions of an upcoming crime drama!

Stevie: Keep talking.

Karl: They're cast-calling for a slender, Caucasian man in his 20s, with flexible movement. I convinced them to put you up in that position, cuz I saw deep through those doggy eyes that you had potential. And it wasn't one of those non-speaking, background roles. No sir, this is supporting character we're talking.

Stevie: That's great! Hard to believe I've gone to a great start just by wearing a dog suit while somebody else dubbed over my lines! And if this role peaks, I could probably land myself in another rol- Hold it, hold it. Why do all this for me?

Karl: Well, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. You have always been my favorite, Steven. The others did a fantastic job, but you knew how to bring life into a character.

Stevie: I am, aren't I? Well, I do hold a few charms, here and there. Knew they'd come into full effect soon.

Karl: So, do you take the job?

Stevie: Hell yeah I want the job! And I'd like to thank you for it!

Karl: No need for that! Just doing a favor for my favorite performer! Come over to my place for your script, and I'll explain the details to you over coffee.

Stevie: Make mine extra dark.

Karl: With pleasure!

_____________________

Karl: Hello, hello?

Debbie: Hello, who is- Karl? Karl, is that you?

Karl: In the flesh! But as of right now, in the voice. And while you're still listening to it, Happy Birthday!

Debbie: Awwwww, that's awfully generous. But my birthday isn't until two more days.

Karl: It is? Ooooooh, damn.

Debbie: What is it?

Karl: Seems I've over looked the calender. At least I didn't miss it yet.

Debbie: And it's a good thing you remembered what month it was, too.

Karl: Yeah. Still pretty embarrassing. I even got you a gift.

Debbie: You got me a gift?! Karl, that makes me... ...pleased as punch! Though you really didn't have to go through the troubl-

Karl: Oh no no no, I felt like it, since you are my favorite.

Debbie: Really? I didn't know that! I mean, the most you've ever talked to me was when I was Vinnie Van Goose, with the head on and all.

Karl: Well, the others are special, but if they knew you were my favorite, they would feel less important. You really knew how to bring life into a character more than they did.

Debbie: Oh wow. Though I feel bad for being the favorite. The others worked so hard.

Karl: What they don't know, won't hurt 'em! It's okay! Now, why don't you come over to my place and you can collect your gift? You can either take it to go, or eat it here.

Debbie: "Eat it?"

Karl: Hope you brought your sweet tooth.

Debbie: Oooooh la la, zat sounds deleecious, vahtre ahltesse. [*Chuckles*]

Karl: [*Chuckles back*]

Debbie: That was a really bad impression of the character I played.

Karl: I thought it was decent. So, you coming to get your gift, or what?

Debbie: Hell yeah, I'm going to get it! On one condition, though.

Karl: Hmm?

Debbie: Don't eat it all before I get there. [*Giggles*]

Karl: That's a promise I'm willing to keep! Don't worry! I won't even dip my finger into the frosting!

_____________________

Scott: Who is it?

Karl: That can only mean one thing: Do you recognize my voice?

Scott: K-Karl? Karl! Oh, Karl, you happy-go-lucky son of a bitch! [*Laughs*]

Karl: What, were you expecting someone else?

Scott: Ehhhh, either Mom, or someone I owe money to. [*Laughs*]

Karl: [*Laughs as well*]

Scott: You can't be my mother, sooooooo are you calling me up to pay some acting penalty fee?

Karl: There's just no end to your wisecracks, huh Scotty? Don't be ridiculous. You worked for me, so I'm the one who should be giving you money! Speaking of which, did I ever tell you that you were my favorite?

Scott: I am?

Karl: Sure! None of the other performers knew how to bring life into a character more than you!

Scott: Really? Well, to be honest, I didn't think there was anything special about my character.

Karl: You didn't think-- Look, Scott, he was one of my favorite Critters. When I was designing him, I put a little bit of myself into this character's traits. And to have a person make him animated was a happy experience.

Scott: Wow, Karl. That's...

Karl: Trouble finding the right word?

Scott: Yeah. Kinda. Just feels really neat to be appreciated. Even at a simple task.

Karl: Say no more, my friend! All you have to do is accept your award! No speech please.

Scott: Award? Okay, Karl, this is a little bit much.

Karl: Not really much. Just a bonus check.

Scott: Bonus check? I-I really can't accept this, Karl.

Karl: Please, I insist. You were my favorite Critter, and I wanna show my thanks for such effort you gave.

Scott: I'm not currently having any financial crisis, and I can't take money from you after how nice you've been. Couldn't you thank me in another way? Like, lunch, or dinner-

Karl: Actually, I'd be more than happy if you joined me for this afternoon's brunch, and we can catch up on times. Tomorrow. At my place.

Scott: If that will make you happy, I'll be there.

Karl: Delightful! I'll make sure brunch is still warm when you get here!

_____________________

Drew: Hello?

Karl: Drewwwww! Long time no see!

Drew: KARL! [*Sighs*] Thank God, you're the one to call!

Karl: Gosh, I really wasn't expecting that kind of reaction. You miss the show, too?

Drew: Well, no. Not that it was a bad show, or I hated doing the job! I mean, I loved playing Saxxo!

Karl: Well, Saxxo was my favorite! In fact, so were you! Nobody could bring so much life int-

Drew: Okay thanks I appreciate it Karl! Say, you wouldn't happen to know any positions opened at Tam, do you?

Karl: Tam is currently not looking for any actors at the moment.

Drew: Shhhhhhhh-shit!

Karl: Is everything alright?

Drew: Of course not. Rent's rising, and I have three more days until me and my wife lose the apartment! I just got to find a new job and pay off the rent! Need the money fast! I-I'll do anything!

Karl: Oh my. A debt situation. Does Mary know about it?

Drew: No. And I can't let her know.

Karl: Have you been gambling again?

Drew: [*Awkward silence, then takes a deep breath*] All I ever wanted to do was to treat her to the best romantic getaway in her young life! She thinks I don't pay more attention to her, and I've been less ardent ever since we got married. I love her so much, I really do. I felt like words aren't enough to express how much she means to me, so I thought, perhaps I could show her in another manner! Just wanted to earn a little extra cash, and look what a fine mess I've gotten us into! First it will be our place, next my fucking marriage! You're my only hope, Karl!

Karl: You have my sympathy, old friend. Believe it or not, when I was young, I used to do a bunch of crazy stuff to impress a girl. It's surprising how love can make anyone do anything. Tell you what: I'll give you this check for 100 grand. That way you can both pay off the rent, and give your woman the best dinner, plus a gift.

Drew: Gee. 100,000 dollars. That's a lot of lettuce.

Karl: I was gonna give you this anyways. It's my "Congratulations" gift for all your hard effort at Tam.

Drew: Thank you, Karl! God bless you! I swear I'll pay you back somehow!

Karl: You can pay me back now. ...at my place for some coffee, and we can catch up on our times. Always wanted to have a full conversation with my favorite Critter star.

Drew: Alright, I'll be there. Just as long as we're not getting a little too touchy. What time?

Karl: You can be here right now, if you like.

Drew: I'll go get the car keys!

Karl: Take it slow, Drew. You only live once.

_____________________

Karl: Howdy-do! Nice to hear from you!

Beatrice: Oh hey, Karl! Haven't heard from you since the show's cancellation. Which, by the way, I'm sorry for your loss.

Karl: Heyyyyyyy, no need for pitty. I'm over that now. I've become grateful that they continued to let me work at Tam Studios. Oh, and how far are you due now?

Beatrice: 3 months and 15 days. I made sure to keep track.

Karl: That's wonderful! You know, if Karl's Paradise ran a little longer, you could definitely hide your pregnancy with all that space in your costume.

Beatrice: That's true, though I don't think my doctor would recommend it. The suit is so hot, it's like a walking sauna. Whew! I get all sweaty just thinking of it.

Karl: A hun in the oven with a bun in its oven. That's one for the books. Listen, I've been thinking of you lately.

Beatrice: You know I'm married, Karl.

Karl: No no no no, not like that! I meant thinking about how good of a job you did playing Yum-Yum. You made her feel so warm, and loving. I knew during that one audition, you were her. You surely brought life into that character.

Beatrice: Okay, thanks, but doesn't her voice actress deserve some credit, too?

Karl: Shanna was spectacular, but I don't think she could take on such a physical role. How you handled Yum-Yum was what made you my favorite.

Beatrice: Me? Your favorite? Hah hah, I didn't know you thought that way of me. Though, you always appeared enthusiastic whenever I was in full costume.

Karl: That's how much you thrilled me! Seeing Yum-Yum become animated was a sensation to behold! We show creators take great pride in our works, you know.

Beatrice: Interesting. Well, see you next time, Karl.

Karl: Woah woah, wait! Take these words to mind before you hang up! Please?

Beatrice: Guess I can stay on hold for a little longer.

Karl: Great! Like I said before, I've been thinking of you lately. I know I didn't show much excitement when you first openly confessed about the baby. My favorite deserves better. So, I went out of my way to get the little tot a gift!

Beatrice: A gift? Aww, Karl, you shouldn't have. It's a little too early to start receiving gifts.

Karl: Oh, I insist! Besides, in three days, I'm off on a little business trip, and won't be back in a couple of months. So, I thought of giving you the gift now!

Beatrice: Oh, that's nice! Are you gonna drop it off here?

Karl: No, frankly, I don't know where your location is. I was wondering if you could come by my place and pick it up. You still have the address I gave you and the other performers, right?

Beatrice: Yeah, but... I'm not sure if I wanna go. I've never been to your place before, and I find it weird to come over to another house just to pick up a measely present.

Karl: C'mon, Beatrice. I'm no stranger to you. Besides, I just baked cookies.

Beatrice: Cookies?

Karl: Your favorite. Chocolate chip, soft, and with ooey melty chocolatey goodness.

Beatrice: [*Short silence*] Okay, you win! That's an offer I can't refuse! I'll just have a quick trip, grab a couple of cookies, take the present, and leave!

Karl: Atta girl! I'll get a doggy bag ready!

Beatrice: Don't try to make a pass at me!

Karl: Wouldn't dream of it, Yum-Yum.

_____________________

Clifton: Karl, what the hell is this?

Karl: Cliff! I see you got my message!

Clifton: Yes, and whatever it is, I want no part of it.

Karl: Jesus, why the bitterness?

Clifton: Not only did the Karl's Paradise experience left me humiliated, but it also hurt me seeing my daughter get terrified of a character I played. The show gave her nightmares twice!

Karl: Ooooh, I'm sorry to hear that. But if it makes you feel better, this isn't about the show. It's about a whole new start.

Clifton: Baby, n-not now. Please. Daddy over here busy.

Karl: Pardon?

Clifton: Oh, I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to Beth. You know, my daughter? And what is this "whole new start?"

Karl: I'd like to propose a new proposition. It pays more than your previous gig.

Clifton: "Pays more." Is it another acting pursuit?

Karl: Why yes! Tam is starting the production of a new crime drama, and they're cast-calling for a black-American male, with a tone body, and flexible movement.

Clifton: They're looking for a black man in a program about crimes? Pfftt, I certainly don't like the sound of that.

Karl: Oh no, it's not what you think! I mean they want someone to play one of the lead heroes! I talked to them about giving it to you. Don't you wanna take a step further into your acting goal?

Clifton: Well... Yeah, and it all sounds really great! But I don't think I'm ready to hit that road yet.

Karl: Huh?

Clifton: Well, the crime drama thing seems a little bit... How should I put it? ...complex. Right now, my acting experience is limited. All I did on Karl's Paradise was put on a suit, move around, and grab things. I didn't even get to speak my own voice. Literally. I think I should take it slow for the time being. Tell them I'm gonna have to pass up.

Karl: C'mon, Cliff! Never say die unless you try! This job will mark the beginning of your big break!

Clifton: I don't know-

Karl: With all that money, you could provide your family all what they deserve! You've always talked about how they mean the world to you! Your wife will always be happy, your mother will live more healthy, and your daughter could be enrolled with the best educational systems! You could even buy a bigger house! If you feel you're not ready, we could have training lessons over at my place! I even got a copy of the script!

Clifton: Why does it matter so much to you whether I get the role or not?

Karl: I kept this between myself and I for very long, and I think I ought to let it out now: You have always been my favorite, Cliff. The character, in which you portrayed, was very important to me. When I first designed that character, I projected some of my attributes onto him. Then, you had put on the suit and made him animated. I knew you'd be the one. He was exactly how I pictured him in my head.

Clifton: Well, I would admit I did do a good job, but I wouldn't call it a stellar performance.

Karl: Don't beat on yourself, Cliff! In my opinion, it WAS a stellar performance! And dare I add, you are a family man, right? I'm a sucker for families! Especially children! That's why I gotten into children's entertainment! To make them glow in happiness!

Clifton: [*Inaudible mumbles*]

Karl: What was that?

Clifton: I, I said, I guess I can give it a shot. The money would do me and my family good. The bills need to be paid, and Beth has been twitterpated for an Easy Bake Oven.

Karl: Great! Come visit whenever you're available! I'll put on a fresh pot of coffee!

Clifton: Tomorrow. I'll let my wife know.

Karl: Oh, no no! Cliff, we don't wanna ruin the surprise!

Clifton: Man, if I just sneaked to some place without telling Janet, she'll get the expression that I'm seeing another woman!

Karl: Don't worry! If she gets suspicious, I'll cover for you! It's all in my hands! Trust me!

Clifton: Alright. But one more thing: If I don't nail this role, do not pester me over a new career ever again.

Karl: Cross my heart and hope to die!

_____________________

Karl: Hello, Rebecca!

Rebecca: Oh my god- Karl! You have every nerve calling me up! You of all people!

Karl: I know! Did you miss me?

Rebecca: Like I miss a kidney stone! Good-fucking-bye!

Karl: Wait, don't hang up!

Rebecca: If you're calling me because your show's been picked up again, no use talking me into it! I've never been so embarrassed in my life! My friends still won't let me live it down, and my brother-in-law keeps making long distant calls just to tease me about the damn shark! And I couldn't stand looking at those costumes, even my own! What the hell were you thinking?

Karl: I just thought you suited the role so much. The way you brought life into the character really made you my favorite!

Rebecca: I don't care, and I was talking about those costumes! How could you not see how terrifying they were? You gave a goose teeth! A goose with teeth!

Karl: They're not that bad! Just wanted to give them a little cartoony-ness in their appearances!

Rebecca: Karl, they made kids cry! They're THAT bad! It's like they came from Sesame Street Reject Hell!

Karl: [*A moment of silence, then, angry breathing is heard*]

Rebecca: You still there?

Karl: Yes. I'm still here. The reason I called was to ask you a favor regarding the show. Also, it's still pulled off the air. I'm making a biography based on experience working on Karl's Paradise. I interview you, and you give me all your views on the show, whether they are positive, or negative.

Rebecca: Forget it. Now if you excuse me, I have to hunt a new job. One where I possibly don't have to show my face.

Karl: I'll pay you!

Rebecca: What?

Karl: The exact same amount as your salary from Tam! Please! Just come to my place, answer a few questions, and you'll never see my face again!

Rebecca: [*Sighs*] You're a sad man, Karl. Alright, I'll do it. Throw in a couple of snacks, with some iced tea, and you have yourself a deal.

Karl: Lucky for you, I always bring out the refreshments to guests!

_____________________

Sam: Who is it?

Karl: Double-K, that's who. [*Giggles*]

Sam: Oh, hi Karl! Didn't think you'd call me all of a sudden. Are you still down over the show's cancelization?

Karl: Nahhhh. That's all in the past now. I'm working on a new project at Tam, and it's far better than my last one.

Sam: Ohhhh. Glad to hear that you've moved on. I must say: Although Kar- [*Sneezes*] Excuse me...

Karl: No, bless you!

Sam: Thanks. As I was saying; Although Karl's Paradise wasn't the best experience I ever had, it sure was a fun one. I actually started to take a liking to Mama LongLegs.

Karl: Yeah, you were always cut out for her. When you showed up for that audition back in '88, and you first put on that suit, that was the day my Mama LongLegs was discovered. You nailed every aspect of her character, minus the voice.

Sam: And you know something funny? I didn't think I'd get the role with my height and all. Mama LongLegs could've been given to any one of those women under 5'8. Nice of you to care more about personalities than looks.

Karl: Wise Miss you are. That's why you've always been my favorite.

Sam: I am? Oh gosh, I don't know what to say...

Karl: How 'bout "yes?"

Sam: Excuse me?

Karl: I mean, how's about coming over to my house for a couple of photoshoots? ...in costume? The other cast is involved as well. Even though the show is cancelled, they're still giving me the right to merchandise it. All I need right now is your approval.

Sam: Oh. Well, sounds fun!

Karl: It sure is! I'll even put on a fresh pot of coffee!

Sam: I'll be there! Also, [*Jokingly tone*] for this photoshoot, I won't be taking anything off, will I?

Karl: I'm not that kind of man! Don't worry, you'll be fully covered! You're just wearing the costume, and that's it.

_____________________

Leon: What's up? I don't really care who you are. Just get down to the skinny. Blah blah blah blah.

Karl: Leon, it's me.

Leon: You're gonna have to be more specific. I don't know any "Me's."

Karl: Karl Rodriguez! Don't you remember?

Leon: Ohhhh yeaaah, the Karl's Paradise man. What's the big idea giving me this ring while the show is cancelled?

Karl: Well, to clarify-

Leon: Even if it's not, I don't think I wanna come back anytime soon. Like, that whole show, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, is kinda bogus.

Karl: I know, but-

Leon: Man... I wouldn't have stayed if it weren't for the money. And the free Dunkin' every morning. As for those costumes... wayyyyyy fucking creepy to the max. They'd make great props for a halloween haunted house, though. Wish I could've took mine with me.

Karl: Are you finished?

Leon: Shoot.

Karl: *Ahem* As I was saying; what you just mentioned is exactly what I called for!

Leon: You're gonna pay me? You're gonna buy me Dunkin'?

Karl: No, but how would you like to take your costume home with you? You can scare the shit out of kids every halloween, as much as you want!

Leon: Ehhhh, it isn't money or greasy donuts, but it'll do. I'll take it. Alright, when are you gonna deliver it to me?

Karl: Ha ha ha ha. No, you have to come down to my place and pick it up. Because, frankly, I never did get your address.

Leon: Whatt... No way. I am not getting off my ass, driving a mile block, just to pick up a damn costume. Forget it. The thing would probably eat my soul while I'm sleeping anyways.

Karl: There's Dunkin' in it for you! Along with an iced coffee.

Leon: Dammit, Karl. You know my weakness too well. I'll get my keys.

Karl: That's the spirit! Hey, did I mention you were always my favorite?

#The Banana Splits Movie #Remake #horror #Masklophobia #original characters

[tcm]

Just Give Her the Spotlight - The Marvelous Mrs. Miller By Constance Cherise

In 1987 at the age of 64, legendary tap dancer Ann Miller performed “Shakin’ the Blues Away” on the television special Happy 100th Birthday, Hollywood. In 1988, Miller performed a medley from the nine-year running production “Sugar Babies” on the Palladium stage along with Mickey Rooney, and in 1989 she performed the tap dance routine from 42ND STREET (‘33) for the Disney-MGM Studios Theme Park Grand Opening television special.

While recently watching these productions, I feared that I was going to witness a frail elderly woman, who was still convinced she “had it,” either embarrass or hurt herself. Thankfully, my future 64-year-old self is encouraged to say I was utterly wrong.

I watched each performance with unblinking eyes, in complete shock and jaw-dropping disbelief. Generally, mature performers are surrounded by dancers and ornamentation as distraction, while the older dancer waves their arms and kick their feet a time or two then get whisked off stage. Not so with Ann Miller. It’s true, a bevy of tap dancers joins her, but they are only for Broadway effect. She owns every performance, complete with her rapid-fire footwork and powerful Broadway belt (and when I state the term “belt,” I do not mean she sang well for her age, I mean “where did that voice come from Ethel Merman belt”). Miller claimed she never had to practice vocalizing, that her power came naturally. I suppose being used to many stars that were dubbed, I never questioned whether Miller’s voice was actually being used during her performances. I was too busy dissecting her dazzling costumes, lavish sets and trying to figure out how she could possibly execute gun-machine taps and appear as if her feet did not leave the ground.

Houston-born Johnnie Lucille Collier (her father anticipated a boy) aka Ann Miller was enrolled in dance school from the age of six. And, after confronting her philandering father who was caught red-handed with a nude woman in his bed, Miller and her mother of Cherokee descent, Clara, moved to California.

The naturally adept Miller eventually won a contest where she appeared for two weeks at the Orpheum Theatre. At 13 years old while performing at a supper club, Miller was discovered by talent scout Benny Rubin and comedienne Lucille Ball, who suggested she test with RKO. Required to prove her age, Miller enlisted her father, a criminal lawyer whose clients included Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker (yes, that Bonnie and Clyde), to provide a false birth certificate stating she was 18 years old. As she began quite young in films, her mother Clara was her constant companion and protector, a memory that Miller would speak fondly of. The two remained close until Clara’s passing. Miller worked for multiple studios including RKO, Columbia and MGM, toured with major Broadway productions and had numerous television appearances.

Her debut was an uncredited role in ANNE OF GREEN GABLES (‘34). She performed on Broadway at age 16, and after a two-year stint she returned to Hollywood. She mainly appeared in B films until she auditioned for MGM’s EASTER PARADE (‘48), where she performed the entertaining number “Shaking the Blues Away.” In an interview with Robert Osborne, Miller admits to performing the number in a brace, due to her former husband’s physical abuse where in a drunken rage, he threw her down a flight of stairs breaking her back. Miller, who was nine months pregnant at the time, gave birth to her daughter, who tragically survived for only a few days.

A believer in the metaphysical, Miller wrote a book, Tapping Into the Force, about what she concluded were her psychic gifts. She would recall during the opening night of “Sugar Babies” in New York while standing alongside Rooney: "In the middle of the number, I felt this force hit me! It almost knocked the breath out of me. All of a sudden I started singing like I'd never sung before!” When returning backstage, her earring, which was securely fastened, fell from her ear landing near a piece of scenery with the letters “J-U-D.” Miller stated, “This inner voice I have said...Ann it's me, Judy!” In explaining her supernatural experience to Rooney, Miller revealed to Rooney, "Judy was on the stage with us tonight,” to which Rooney replied…“I know it.”

Big hair jokes aside, there really is something absolutely adorable about Miller that is hard to place your finger on. Beams of light still seemed to emanate from her face in her elder years. Not only was she the consummate professional, exuberant and entertaining with the mind of a steel trap, she was an essential keeper of the flame of all things Golden Age.

Her performances in KISS ME KATE (‘53), EASTER PARADE (‘48), LOVELY TO LOOK AT (‘52) and HIT THE DECK (‘55) were showstoppers, and those are only from her MGM years. Even her Stan Freberg directed Great American Soup commercial was one-minute and three-seconds of camp genius. If you are a musical fan and have not seen this commercial, stop reading now and look it up...don’t worry, I’ll wait. The way she rips her apron off to reveal her glittering costume as if she has been desperately awaiting this chance for her entire life, the overwhelming expression of sheer unadulterated rapture on her face, how she tosses her top hat with dynamic gusto, performing her signature twirls returning to the set of the kitchen— there is even a touch of Busby Berkeley for good measure. It simply could not be more gloriously MGM-musical perfect.

“It’s funny I never studied a lot of acting, I just thought acting was being me!”-Ann Miller

Usually, I have no issue detailing my favorite performances, however, with Miller I simply cannot. Each performance is consistently perfect and sure-footed with precise accuracy—it's almost impossible to choose one over another. Although she was not a Hollywood leading lady, she was showbiz through and through. Miller did, however, state in a 1990 interview with Bob Thomas, “Sugar Babies gave me the stardom that my soul kind of yearned for.'' If you watch her in interviews and her performances, you will find there is no line of delineation. Miller was a willing, fully assembled readymade pre-packaged star born for the spotlight. From her earliest performance to her last, one thing is resoundingly true—Ann Miller was not created for Tinseltown, Tinseltown was created for Ann Miller.

#Ann Miller #musicals #MGM #old Hollywood #TCM #Turner Classic Movies #Constance Cherise

[apocalypseornaw]

Always be Yours- 13

Word Count: 7,747

Story Summary: Follows Dean and Reader through season 9 into Season 10

Chapter Summary: The first blade is finally found but what will the consequences be of it connecting with the mark?

Warnings: blood, death, fighting, cursing

You weren’t sure if your words had any effect or if both of them finally decided to pull their heads out of their asses but you started to notice a shift between Sam and Dean. You’d wake up later some mornings and find them actually talking over breakfast or one of them would make a joke which would result in the other cracking up laughing. The heaviness that had been hanging between them since you and Dean had come back to the bunker was starting to lift and that made you happier than anything to see the two of them finally getting back on the same page. You’d meant what you told them. No matter how much it would’ve hurt you indeed would’ve left if need be to force them to work through it.

You were sitting at the map table next to Sam reading through one of the lore books you’d dug out of the archives that held mention of the first blade. Sam had his computer up researching as well while Dean paced across the floor yet again trying to get Crowley to answer his damn call. 

“Where the hell is he? Not like he’s got a social life” Dean growled and Sam shot you a smirk before saying “Uh are you actually worried?” Dean’s response was an eye roll at getting Crowley’s voicemail yet again. “Guy’s got one job. Find the first blade,bring it back. How hard is that”

“It’s Crowley. He’s not exactly a team player” Sam replied and you nodded in agreement glancing up. Dean sighed then shrugged “Yeah but his ass is on the line too. He goes missing for weeks on end without a peep?” “Well not one that makes sense anyway” he added clicking his voicemail then laying the phone on the table so you and Sam could hear “Listen to this”

Crowley’s voice filled the room “Dean..um..” then the rest of the message was gibberish. “Did he drunk dial you?” Sam asked and you could hear the laugh he was holding back. You raised an eyebrow at Dean “Should I be jealous?” he rolled his eyes at you before turning the voicemail off then picking the phone up again. He sat down as he hit Crowley’s number and shot you a wink. “Nobody holds a candle to you sweetheart”

“Hey look at this” Sam said so you leaned over his shoulder to read what he had on the screen about Cain and Abel while Dean once again cussed Crowley’s voicemail.

------

When the three of you spent an entire day trying to contact Crowley and run down more information on the first blade to no avail you decided on the only other option left, hitting the nearest crossroads. Your shoulder bumped into Dean’s as your half of the devil’s trap met up with his. You glanced up at Sam then nodded so he placed the small box down into the ground then kicked the dirt back over it.

“Daemon, esto subiecto voluntati meae”  You turned in a slow circle looking to see just where the demon would pop up and had to stifle a laugh of shock when Snooki was standing there. “Winchesters” “Gotta say it explains a lot” Dean said and you shook your head “Ok uh look Snooki..Can I call you Snooki?” Sam tried but she shook her head “No. It’s Nicole now” 

Dean rolled his eyes so you spoke “Ok then Nicole. We’ve got two ways this can go down. Option one, the easy way you talk or the easier way” you motioned to the demon blade Sam had just pulled out of his jacket “You still talk”

“I vote for number two” Dean added so you tilted your head in his direction “Well Nikki that makes two votes for that option. What do you say?” “We just want some basic information on Crowley. That’s it” Sam cut in with a shrug. Snooki scoffed “Google him. Are we done?”

You and Dean both cut your eyes at Sam who took two steps towards her before she hollered “Whoa! Not the face! Are you crazy?” she looked between the three of you “Look, what happens in hell stays in hell! I got nothin” “But you do have a pretty sweet deal with Crowley in charge, If Abaddon wins you can kiss all that goodbye” Dean reminded so you threw in “Fancy cars, book deals” “Showbiz can be tough” Dean said with a humorless smirk.

“I’m doing fine thanks” Snooki sounded a bit defensive so Dean looked around at the devil’s trap all of you were standing in “Well good luck landing your next gig inside a devil’s trap” She sighed and looked towards you “What do you want to know?” “Where is Crowley?” you questioned. “Last time I heard he was somewhere in the western pacific” she replied.

“Makes sense” Sam said so she cut in “Really? Floating around in the ocean while his kingdom goes up in flames?” “Meaning?” Dean asked so she explained “Hell’s getting crazy. Even the loyalists want to sign on with Abaddon. She’s gonna make her move”  “huh” you spoke softly cutting your eyes at Dean then at Sam. 

“Are we done? I got a thing.” Snooki asked, flipping her hair. Dean nodded to Sam so he turned to Snooki with a smile as he started the exorcism. “Seriously we had a deal?” She gasped so Dean smirked “See ya snooks”

------

Once you were done with Snooki you headed back to the bunker. Maybe if you started in the last known place Crowley was it could give you some sense of a trail to follow?

You were sitting at the table in the map room across from Sam. He was researching something on his laptop while you emailed a few other hunters you knew to see how the demonic activity was going considering what Snooki had said. Dean walked back into the room and sat a beer down in front of you before handing Sam one. “So..Cain said the first blade was tossed in the deepest ocean, right?” Sam spoke glancing up at Dean then over at you. You nodded so Sam pointed at his screen “That’s the mariana trench. Maybe Crowley found it and it’s a double cross?” he questioned but you shook your head “Doesn’t make sense. Considering all the trouble he went through to get that mark on Dean’s arm” 

Dean nodded in agreement “Y/N’s right. He wants me to power it up and kill the ginger. He set it up” Sam sighed and cut his eyes at you before turning his attention to Dean “Ok assuming he does show up with it, Crowley is only useful to us until we have the blade” you knew where Sam was headed with this and you were in complete agreement with him. “Yeah, so?” Dean asked so you spoke up “So there wouldn’t be anything stopping us from using it on him right?”

Dean’s eyes were on Sam as he answered you “Nothing at all” You took a sip of your beer and looked at Sam with a small shrug before Dean’s phone started ringing. You looked up when he said “Speak of the devil” he sat down on the table right in front of you so you leaned over on his thigh while he answered “Did you find the first blade?” you weren’t trying to hear what excuse Crowley had this time so when Sam looked at you curiously you had no answers.

“Well then what exactly?” he asked after a moment so you looked up to meet his eyes and saw the surprise flash across his face at whatever Crowley had said. “Ok”

------

You were sitting in a chair while Sam sat on the arm of it and Dean leaned against the doorway behind you when Crowley opened the door to his hotel room seemingly surprised at finding the three of you there despite calling. You imagined the way it felt was similar to how Lena felt the few times she’d caught you sneaking back in during your younger years.

“Hello boys, looking lovely as ever Y/N” he greeted so Dean kicked the stiff that was laid across the floor with the toe of his boots. “What do you call this?” “Refreshments?” Crowley offered so you asked “What’s in the bag Crowley?” nodding towards the brown paper bag he held tightly. “Nothing” christ he sounded like a toddler. Sam nodded as he stood up “Really? Then maybe I can..” he snatched the bag out of Crowley’s hand and it ripped to show a pint of AB blood in it. 

“Are you knocking over blood banks?” you asked standing and turning the chair you had been sitting in while Sam drug Crowley over and Dean helped to get him sat down in the chair and the demon cuffs on him. “Come on guys” he tried but they already had him secured. “Look at you. You’re a mess” Dean scolded Crowley as you came to stand next to him.

“You know we were counting on you. You got that damn mark on Dean and couldn’t even follow through?” you shook your head and Dean added “You let us down” “Your slimy followers were counting on you to kill Abaddon!” Sam scolded so you added “You let them down!”

Dean shook his head in disgust “The man with all the mojo. Captain Evil” “It’s pathetic” Sam scoffed and you nodded in agreement. Crowley pulled up his cuffed hand “What is this? An intervention?” “You need to focus Crowley!” Sam said so you spoke up “Get a grip man!” “Are you just gonna let hell go to hell?” Dean pushed.

You couldn’t even a comeback when Crowley looked up at Dean “You don’t know what it’s like to be human!” Dean shook his head then looked at you and Sam. You put up your hands because you were at a loss for once. “It’s your dna.It’s my addiction, my cross, my burden!” 

“All right, take it easy” Dean reasoned but Crowley seemed to be mid vent and not intent on stopping “I see the darkness of it now, the Anthony Weiner of it.It makes you needy” he looked over where the dead woman laid “I needed her. Lola used me. She reported everything I did back to Abaddon” “Crowley did you tell her about the first blade?” Sam questioned and Crowley grimaced “I don’t know. Things get a trifle blurry when I’m medicated” “Shit. If he told Lola,she definitely told Abaddon” you groaned and Dean finished your thought “Which means Abaddon is in the hunt for this thing too”

He turned back to Crowley “All right. You know what? This crap ends now. You’re cut off ok? Kicking it. Cold Turkey.” 

------

The drive back to the bunker with a detoxing demon riding next to you was less than stellar. “Y/N are you sure you don’t want to sit up here with us?” Sam asked considering you were on a deserted stretch of road it would be easy enough for you to simply climb across but you shook your head, side-eyeing Crowley as you said “He doesn’t scare me” Dean met your eyes in the mirror then said “If he even tries to come over his half of the seat dump holy water on his crotch” you shook the black flash you always carried with you “Oh don’t worry. I will”

“Don’t worry sweets wouldn’t want to risk the wrath besides you are clearly claimed” Crowley drawled looking up at Dean who glared at him in return “I’m still wondering if you let it slip to Lola the similarities Cain drew about Y/N and Colette” You realized in that moment you hadn’t told Sam the extent of what Cain had said where you were concerned because he turned around to look at you as Crowley said “I’m fairly certain I didn’t tell anyone to use Y/N to make you behave”

------

Sam was in the armory where Crowley was locked back up trying to form some sort of timeline involving the blade so maybe just maybe it could be found. After he helped Sam get Crowley sorted away Dean came into the library where you were leaning against one of the long tables “Is this where you try to keep me here because we don’t know if Abaddon may target me to stop you?” you asked and he stopped at the doorway with a sigh “Am I that predictable or do you just know me that well?”

You shrugged with a smile “I know you pretty well by now” he walked over as you sat down on the table and scooted back to let your legs hang so he stepped between your legs and laid his head over on your shoulder "Y/N...baby...I know you can take care of yourself. I just can’t stand the thought of you getting hurt because of me.If she laid a finger on you…” he trailed off so you spoke up “If her or her goonies managed to grab me I know for a fact all I’d have to do is stay alive until you and Sam get there. I have trusted my life in your hands for years Dean. Me being in love with you only reinforces that trust" You felt his lips brush against your neck lightly “I won’t let anything happen to you” You pulled back to look up into his eyes before saying “Don’t say it like that. We’re in this together. I’ll fight for you just as quick as you’ll fight for me” a smile tugged at his lips before he said “Oh I know that. I don’t know why but I’ve learned not to question you”  “Now that we have this settled let’s go see if Sam and Crowley have any leads for us” he scrunched his nose up at your words “That just sounds wrong” you laughed when he pulled you off the table to be standing in front of him then leaned up to press a kiss to his lips “It really does, doesn’t it?”

------

After some digging around a lead involving a guy named Andre Develin popped up. Apparently he’d bought the blade off some pirates and had been shopping it around so Sam contacted him to arrange a meet posing as buyers. The plan was when he got there it’d either be option one to spook him with the fed act or option two let Crowley do some digging of his own.

That plan led to the four of you sitting in a dark park waiting for this mystery character. You were sitting on a bench next to Dean while Sam was sitting on the back part of the bench with his feet down next to your hip. Crowley was not too far away so if he was needed for his part he could be close enough.

You weren’t paying too much attention to him until Sam glanced over his shoulder then asked “What is Crowley doing?” you leaned up to look around his legs before saying “I think he’s stealing candy..Dean?” Dean glanced up and nodded “Yeah, he’s stealing candy” Crowley had his arm shoved into the slot of the vending machine up past the elbow.

You shook your head at the sight. “You know at least when Cas was human, he was an ok guy. Should’ve known Crowley would be a douche version” Dean grumbled. You cut your eyes at him and half smiled “First of all Cas was like puppy level adorable as a human and Crowley is always a douche. Why would anything change that?” The shaking of the vending machine got all of your attention so Dean stood up and whisper shouted “HEY. HEY!”

Crowley finally looked up but had yet to take his arm out of the machine “CUT IT MAN! IMAGE!” Dean scoffed so Crowley finally pulled his arm out. “YOU THINK YOU’RE THE KING OF ROTTEN THEN ACT THE DAMN PART” You whisper shouted and almost laughed at how much Crowley looked like a kid that had gotten in trouble when he touched his hands into his jacket pocket then walked back over to his bench.

You sighed and looked up at Dean who was standing in front of you “Do you really think this guy’s gonna show up?” He shrugged “I mean, this isn’t exactly a place where million dollar deals go down” Sam spoke up “Look, word is this Andre Develin character brought the blade from the pirates and he’s been shopping it around. That’s all I found out” you saw movement over Dean’s shoulder so you nodded towards the man when he walked into view “Heads up”

You turned to be standing between Sam and Dean as Sam held his hand out “Mr Develin. We spoke on the phone” Develin simply stared at Sam’s hand until Sam dropped it. “You said you represented a serious collector with an interest in a private transaction” “Did he?” you asked glancing sideways at Sam as Dean dug his badge out and clarified “What he meant to say is that we are with the fbi” you flipped your badge out as well so Develin nodded “Good evening then”

“Wait a second. We just want answers” Sam spoke to stop his retreat. Develin turned around “Read Sartre. Jean-Paul Sartre. I’m merely a facilitator between the buyer and the seller- a conduit” you leaned back as he spoke and when Crowley looked your way you gave a small nod then saw his red demonic essence flow from his usual vessel across into Develin.

As fast as Crowley entered him he was flowing back out apparently having gathered the needed information. Develin asked if he was being detained so you replied “No, not at the moment but we’ll be keeping an eye on you” “Very well” he said with a nod then walked away.

Once he was out of sight the three of you turned to look at Crowley who announced “National institute of antiquities” which was in Kansas City.

------

By the time you’d secured Crowley back at the bunker and got to Kansas City the following day the National institute of antiquities was a crime scene.

You were standing next to Sam while the detective working the scene told the three of you about how the dead guards were good men, had worked there for years and had been thoroughly vetted but an assistant had caught them breaking into a vault “Gets weirder” he said clicking on the screen in his hand before turning it around so you, Sam and Dean could see it.

The screen showed the dead assistant laying on the floor but the weirder part was both guards shooting the other in the heart then shooting the camera out. Clearly demonic. “Anything special about the particular vault they opened?” Sam asked and the detective glanced over at it “Vault one is where they keep rare, new acquisitions while they’re being examined.” “So what was stolen?” you asked and he shook his head “That’s the kicker, nothing. The curator Dr McElroy said the vault’s been empty for weeks” the detective was called over by someone else so the three of you did your own rundown of the scene.

“Just connecting the dots but the blade was put in there when it first got here” Dean spoke and Sam added “The guards were obviously demons so..what? When the vault turned out to be empty they killed the guard meat suits and smoked out?” “And reported back to who?” Dean questioned so you raised a finger “I think we all know who. That ginger bitch is closing in”

------

After the bodies were wheeled out Dr McElroy was finally available for questioning. “So the first blade was never on display?” Sam asked her and she looked at Dean to reply “No authenticated item by that name was ever on these premises. He took the opportunity to push “Authenticated?  Dr McElroy, this blade was stolen and smuggled into the US in violation of treaties with several governments . We can compel you to speak” She had the audacity to give Dean a flirtatious smile “Compel? And what might that involve?”

“Nothing you’re gonna like Ma’am” you replied, stepping in front of Dean and feeling his hand brush against your lower back no doubt in case you felt the need to let your temper flare he could intervene.  “All right, agent. Look I did acquire the so-called first blade. And carbon dating did peg it back to biblical times but the authentication proved unreliable” “So it was in the vault?” Sam asked and she nodded “I removed it myself, the guards didn’t know” “Where is it now?” you questioned and she glanced down then over your shoulder clearly talking to Dean “Several weeks ago, a confidential offer was made to purchase it. I was afraid we’d never authenticate the thing, so” “Who was the buyer” you asked yet again stepping into her line of view.

She smiled “Sorry. The buyer insisted on absolute secrecy” “Well federal statutes trump your little deal. So the buyer..Now” you were trying your best to remain professional but her trying her damndest to flirt with Dean was pissing you off. “You’re a bit pushy agent” “I get that a lot but bully for me my boyfriend loves that about me” you replied so she nodded “I never did know his true identity. He called himself Magnus. Don’t ask me where he lives. I have no idea but I do have a meeting. So here is my number if you need anything else”

She dug out a card and tried to hand it to Dean but he shook his head “No. I won’t be needing anything else” she sighed “Pity” then walked off.  “Fucking bitch” you muttered and felt Dean’s hand at your lower back again gently rubbing “Down Y/N” he whispered and you cut your eyes at him “Don’t act like it wouldn’t have pissed you off had roles been reversed” he smirked “Oh it definitely would’ve but it’s fun seeing you get jealous every now and then, not that there’s any reason for it” Sam cleared his throat with a grin “You two are adorable, really but Magnus.. Albert Magnus. That’s the name the men of letters use when they want to be incognito”

You turned to face him trying to resist the urge to lean into Dean's touch considering you were still working an active scene. “But aren’t they all dead?” he shrugged “Maybe not as dead as we thought” “So back to the bunker?” you asked and he nodded “Back to the bunker”

------

Once all of you were back to the bunker and changed into normal hunting clothes you headed for the armory. Crowley was the one person who could point you in the right direction of whether or not any other men of letters survived Abaddon’s massacre.

Crowley blinked against the lights when you flipped the switch on. “Turndown service?” he asked then cut his eyes at you “I’d like a mint on my pillow” You rolled your eyes as Sam asked him “What do you know about the men of letters massacre of nineteen fifty eight?”

“We know Abaddon missed our grandfather and Larry Ganem, was there anybody else?” Dean added. Crowley looked from Sam to Dean before his eyes landed on you “Let me get this straight. Your lumberjacks lock me in this closet, all of you ignore my suffering and then come barging in here to demand my help?” 

“More or less, yeah” You shrugged. He nodded “Did I or did I not keep my end of the bargain the other night? Quite brilliantly, I might add. We’re partners sweets and you owe me” “Owe you? How the hell do we owe you?” you questioned and he motioned wildly towards Sam “I wouldn’t be here in this mess if it wasn’t for those two. He shot me up,he made me a junkie. All of you kept me stashed away for months while my kingdom falls apart” You glanced towards Sam then towards Dean who both nodded slightly so you turned back to Crowley “What do you want?”

“To get out of this damn room, and a glass of scotch. Then I’ll help” “Fair enough” you replied and Dean nodded in agreement.

-------

You were helping Sam to pull old records while Dean transferred Crowley into the library. When you walked back in carrying one of the boxes Crowley glanced up from his chair and smiled then went back to his scotch.

------

“Ok Crowley we’ve gone through the records for the entire membership of nineteen fifty eight. Every single name matches the men who were killed” Sam announced and Crowley looked up from the porn magazine he was leafing through “That would be the active membership, correct?”

Christ. You, Sam and Dean had been looking through active memberships. Not inactive. Even kicked out members would’ve learned the Magnus moniker. At your shared silence Crowley scoffed “Were you three dropped on your heads a great deal? Like I told you, rumor has it that a rogue member was tossed out on his arse. Does that make him active? Seriously how do you function without me?” 

You rolled your eyes at Crowley then looked back at Dean who had picked up one of the boxes “Infamati Et Obliterati” “Dishonored and forgotten?”  you asked and Crowley smirked “Well at least she knows a little bit”

------

You were looking over the file in front of you when Dean said “Wow. This guy was something” he handed Sam the file in his hand so you glanced over reading over Dean’s shoulder at the paper in his hand “Cuthbert Sinclair? Helluva name”

“I’d have just gone with Magnus” Dean scoffed. “Looks like he designed most of the warding, that keeps the bunker safe” Sam read off his sheet so you pointed to the one in Dean’s hand “Says he was named master of spells right after he was initiated” “I guess his work got a little crazy?” Sam replied before reading off where the leadership called Sinclair’s work “Eccentric and irresponsible”

Dean flicked through multiple folders “These are the projects he proposed, the last two years he was here” “They all have rejected stamped on them” you said and Dean nodded.

“So difficult. Brilliant, ahead of your time, despised for it” Crowley spoke up from the corner and added “Trust me, I know” Dean shook his head but showed you another sheet “Formal separation from men of letters was april nineteen fifty six.He missed the massacre”

“I never knew his name, but I heard someone was out. Did my damndest to find him. Thought he might be my way inside this joint” Crowley threw in from his corner so Sam questioned “Where’d you look?” Crowley glanced up with a smirk “You three up for a road trip?”

 ------

Crowley gave the directions to a seemingly empty field in the middle of a few hundred miles of woods. You walked between Sam and Dean into the clearing. “So this is where your demons tracked him to?” Dean asked and Crowley looked around “Exact spot”

He shook his head “Could never find him. I’m sensing nothing, so if he’s here he’s warded up to the gills” “Well he was a genius at it right?” you offered checking your weapons over. Sam nodded “Sure as hell ain’t gonna be found by a bunch of demons” Crowley turned to face the three of you “Oh like he’s gonna open his heart to you lot, because you’re such prizes?”

“Better, they’re legacies” you replied pointing over your shoulder at both Sam and Dean.

You followed the two of them further into the clearing. “All right, if he’s so hell bent on hiding, maybe he’s watching?” Dean offered so you shrugged “Give it a shot” Sam cleared his throat “Cuthbert Sinclair uh Magnus whatever. We’re Sam and Dean Winchester, Henry Winchester’s grandsons and men of letters ourselves” You decided to throw in “We know what happened back in the day. We don’t necessarily agree with it. We figured maybe you want to tell your side of the story”

You looked around to see no change. The three of you looked back towards Crowley so he pointed behind you. You turned to see a portal opening up. Dean glanced back at you “Keep a weapon handy” you nodded and saw him and Sam both pull weapons so you followed them through the portal.

------

The other side of the portal was a long hallway of either a large house or mansion. You looked down the hall one direction then the other “Which way?” Sam shrugged so Dean pointed in one direction. 

You were walking behind Sam and heard a growl. You turned in enough time to see a fanged woman dive onto Sam so you swung the blade in your hand and felt it bite into her neck so you forced it through. You glanced up to see Dean cut the head off the one who had attacked him. “Everyone good?” he asked so you and Sam nodded.

You heard clapping and realized there were speakers in the ceiling “Bravo” a voice said then continued “Well done” Dean reached out for your arm so you let him pull you next to him. 

A man walked around the corner and smiled at the three of you “Welcome”

------

You sat close to Dean as the man fixed himself a drink “Sorry about the theatricality. I just wanted to see what the three of you were made of” he turned around to face the three of you so Dean asked “What are we underground?”

He shook his head and sat in the chair across from the couch you were sitting on. “No, my fortress is right where you were standing but it’s invisible” “Then you must be Cuthbert Sinclair?” Sam guessed and the man groaned “Ugh. I haven’t gone by that moniker in oh fifty seven years now” “Gotta say you’re looking decent for a guy pushing ninety” you muttered “Well thanks darling” he replied with a smile that earned him a glare from Dean.

Magnus leaned up in his chair “There’s a spell for damn near everything. I am impressed though. You did exactly what you should’ve done. Though I am gonna miss those two from my zoo” “Zoo?” Sam questioned.

“Oh you are in the midst of the greatest collection of supernatural rarities and antiquities on the planet...I’m sorry did you say you were men of letters? I thought that whole thing died out after fifty eight not to mention you have a woman here with you, on that can fight”

Sam clarified “We’ll me and my brother, we’re legacies. But actually the three of us are hunters” That seemed to amuse Magnus “Hunters? Wow! Hunters with the key to the kingdom and a woman to boot? The boys must be spinning in their graves”

You threw a questioning look at both Sam and Dean as Magnus continued “Damn snobs. Bunch of librarians if you ask me. Although I was always fond of Henry. I was his mentor you know?” “Really?” you asked and he nodded “Yeah till the squares gave me the boot. Course he came here to visit me in secret. Called out to me same as you and these fellas did”

You looked between Sam and Dean with a curious look. The more you heard about Henry the more you liked about him. “Quite the wild hair, your grandfather was boys” Dean nodded “Listen, Magnus uh.. We got ourselves in a little situation. Abaddon the last knight of hell, is looking to up her pay grade and take over the place” Cuthbert shrugged “Things never change do they? I kept telling the boys over and over again I would say we could stop all of this, we could rid the world of monsters..once and for all if we just put our minds to it. But oh no they said it’s not our place. We’re here to study, we’re here to catalog..”

You cut him off “We get it they’re geeks but Abaddon? She can be stopped. We need something that we hear you have” Magnus waved a hand as if to ask what that would be so Dean clarified “The first blade”

Magnus nodded then a humorless smile slipped onto his face “If any of you had done your homework you’d know that it’s absolutely useless unless of course you’re possessing the mark..” “The mark of Cain?” Dean interrupted pulling up his sleeve to show the mark adorning his skin. You glanced at the angry red mark staining Dean’s skin. You had an urge to run your fingers across it but ignored it due to the fact that Magnus looked like he was on the verge of a wet dream “Oh my. How did you come by that?”

You reached over to push Dean’s sleeve down without even thinking about it as Sam tried “If Abaddon takes over. The one thing she wants more than anything is to make hell on earth. Not even you can escape that” Magnus chuckled “And they say all hunters are morons. It’s right there behind the three of you” All three of you stood and turned, there it was. 

Dean looked back at Magnus “Listen if you’re serious about taking action, this is taking action. You loan us the blade and we’ll stop the bitch” “Hmm let me think about it” Magnus considered then turned to his side table picking something up “All right, I’ve thought about it” He looked towards you and Sam “Abi, ab oculus meis” then blew a silver powder at the two of you.

The next thing you knew you and Sam were back in the empty field with Dean and Magnus nowhere in sight. “Son of a bitch!” you hollered kicking the dirt. Sam bumped your arm “Let’s get to the impala. We have all the files there, maybe there’s a way to get inside?”

You nodded so both of you started running towards where Dean had parked. Crowley was leaning against the trunk when the two of you ran out of the woods and glanced up so you said “The bastard has Dean”

------

You were leaning into the trunk digging through one of the boxes. You saw Crowley glance in out the corner of your eye and Sam grabbed the demon blade then motioned with it “Do you mind?” Crowley held up his hands defensively and stepped back “Who would’ve thunk it Moose? Me, you and sweets, same team in the trenches. When this is over we can get matching tattoos” you handed the box to Sam who said “Just to be clear Crowley, Me and Y/N are on the same team. You aren’t on anything and since the place is warded your powers are useless, which means you’re useless” “Even more so than usual” you added as Sam sat down in the open front door to look through the box so you grabbed a few files out of it to look through as well.

“You’re gonna need another set of hands when you get in there, unless you two have any other volunteers in mind” Crowley offered and Sam replied “Thanks, pass.” Crowley nodded and then cut his eyes at you where you were sitting against baby’s hood “If memory serves I’m the one who helped Dean find Cain so that we could find the blade so that Dean could receive the mark. I’m the one who flushed that lout Gadreel out of your noggin Moose. So lately I’ve seen more playing time than you” You cut your eyes at Sam before saying “Crowley, shut the hell up! We need to find something to get us in to help Dean” he met your eyes then shrugged and walked a couple feet away to give you and Sam breathing room.

------

Dark had fallen by the time you and Sam found any lead. In the file on Magnus was a spell that he’d wanted to use to make the men of letters bunker invisible and use as an entrance to the bunker. You leaned over Sam’s shoulder and looked over the spell “Well Crowley turns out you might be useful. We’re gonna need some things”

------

You squatted next to Sam helping to prep the ingredients. You glanced up when Crowley said “I did good eh moose? Everything on the list?” you nodded “Never thought I’d say this but thank you Crowley”

Once the ingredients were ready Sam nodded to you “Stay close” then added to Crowley “Shut the hell up” “I’m growing on you aren’t I?” Crowley asked with a smirk and you rolled your eyes stepping closer to Sam just in case the spell attempted to separate the two of you.

------

The portal glowered to life so the three of you took a collective breath then stepped inside.

“Love what he’s done with the place” Crowley commented once the three of you were in the hall of Cuthbert’s mansion. Sam motioned the direction the sitting area had been in so the three of you headed that way.

You heard footsteps approaching so Sam stepped back pulling you with him and Crowley stepped back as well. It was Magnus so Sam nodded to you and pulled his knife out.

You stepped out with him as he moved behind Magnus putting the knife at his throat “Take me to my brother”   

When he led the two of you into the sitting room Dean was chained to a column and you could see his expression change when he saw you and Sam. “NO!” You weren’t sure why until a second Magnus stepped into view. 

The shapeshifter Sam had the knife on turned into his own form then tried to grab Sam’s arm so you drove the silver blade from your side into his chest and dropped him. When you and Sam looked up Magnus had a gun pointed at the two of you “Shapeshifter. There are benefits to keeping a zoo” You met Dean’s eyes and the anger you saw there would’ve scared you if you didn’t know him. If he could get free Magnus wouldn’t even live to regret this.

He motioned towards another column with the gun so you held your hands up to show you weren’t armed as the two of you walked over to the column. Magnus chained you up side by side your body partly leaning on Sam’s. 

------

You glared at Magnus as he picked a dagger off a display “You know, Sam..Y/N I discarded the two of you too quickly. You’re both way more valuable than I thought you were” he looked across the room at Dean “Why would I knock myself out trying to sap your will when I think these two will get you to see things my way” Magnus walked towards you and Sam and it became glaringly obvious why he’d tied the two of you up together. Easier to torture two when they’re in the same place.

“Magnus I swear to god!” Dean threatened  but Magnus simply chuckled “What are you gonna do?” then looked back at you and Sam “What’s he gonna do huh?” you were mentally cursing Crowley for disappearing while keeping your eyes on the blade in Magnus’ hand. He pulled the blade across Sam’s right cheek while caused you to flinch from hearing him in pain and you heard Dean all but growl. “Look, I’m not gonna kill either of you but I am gonna make you both suffer unimaginably” Magnus promised turning his attention on you “Leave her alone!” Sam hollered but Magnus was unbothered, dragging the blade almost lazily across your collarbone. You felt your teeth biting into your cheek as you tried to stifle the sound of pain but knew Sam felt your entire body shake with it.

“You two are gonna be fun to break” Magnus commented but a sound made him turn and that was when you all noticed Dean had gotten loose. Magnus swung the knife back clearly meaning to plunge it into either yours or Sam’s heart but was caught by Dean who swung the first blade cleanly decapitating Magnus right before he could. You jumped from the sudden action when Magnus’ body hit the floor a second after his head.

You realized then Crowley had let Dean loose. Dean looked over at Crowley and you could nearly taste the change in the air and in Dean at having been connected to that blade. “Dean?” Sam called softly and that was when you saw that Dean’s hand was shaking at that the mark was glowing like it had when Cain first transferred it to Dean “Dean, it’s over. He’s dead” Sam tried again but Dean seemed to be in a trance “Drop the blade Dean” he added and you felt a shiver run through you when you saw the look in Dean’s eye. You weren’t afraid of him no you were afraid for him. That mark was changing him.

A snarl curled up his lips so you hollered “DEAN!” the moment you spoke he seemed to break out of that trance. He looked up at Sam who repeated once more “Drop the blade” He looked down and seemed shocked to see he was still holding the blade but immediately let it fall to the floor.

His hands were shaking while he unchained you then Sam. Even when he checked your bleeding collarbone you could feel the tremor in his right arm. You covered his hand with your and met his eyes for just a second before all of you decided to get the hell out of Magnus’ mansion.

------

You were walking close to Dean back to baby. He’d reached out a time or two not to take your hand but simply to ensure you were there.

Crowley was rambling about how much he did to help but even he went speechless when the four of you stepped out to see baby had clearly been ransacked 

You, Sam and Dean ran over to the impala. Your nose burnt from the smell of sulphur “Demons” you muttered then nodded to the trunk “Check it Sam” then added “Abaddon is one jump behind us and closing in fast”

“Warding kept them out” Sam spoke from the trunk so you shut the back door and froze when you saw the carving deep in the paint. “Now they’re keying cars?” Dean was busy cursing so you shut the front door to see that the message ran the entire length of the car.

“That’s Enochian,” you spoke staring at it. You knew enough to recognize it but not well enough to read it. “The message isn’t for you three it’s for me” Crowley said said pointing at the front door then the back “Be afraid, your queen”

“Abaddon’s getting more brazen Boris. She must really think you’re losing your grip” you replied, moving to check on Dean. He took a deep breath as Sam called his name so he stood to face you and Sam. Sam’s voice was barely a whisper as he told Dean “You said Crowley was only useful until we got the blade. We got the blade” Dean nodded but as the three of you turned away Crowley used his powers to pin you all against baby.

“You know I’m in debt to all of you. You forced sobriety on me and now I can see the situation for what it is. Dean, you are quite the killing machine and it occurs to me that Abaddon isn’t the only name on your list.Mine must be up there as well” he pulled the blade to him and Dean reminded “It’s no good to you without me” Crowley nodded “But as long as I have it, it’s no good to you. I’ll hang on to it until you find Abaddon then you’ll destroy her. Moose was right, you can’t trust me but I can’t trust any of you either”

He disappeared and the three of you were able to move freely yet again. “Son of a bitch” Dean groaned. You touched a hand to your collarbone because blood was flowing again. “What do we do now?” Dean looked up and his mood shifted from anger to worry when he realized you were bleeding “We make sure you and Sam aren’t gonna keep bleeding then we head home and get on the search for that ginger bitch. We’ve started this now, we have to finish it”

------

You sat quietly in baby’s backseat. You were tired and the liquid skin on your neck itched but it was needed to close the wound up. Dean glanced in the mirror a half dozen times so you finally met his eyes “I’m gonna lay across the seat. Wake me up when we get home?” he nodded so you took your jacket off to use as a pillow.

After you hadn’t moved for a few minutes you guess they assumed you’d fallen asleep because you heard Sam ask quietly “Are you ok Dean?” and after a beat Dean replied honestly “I don’t know”

 

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