Tumgik
#and at that point it just feels like too much effort
Text
IMAGINE COCKWARMING JOSH WHILE HE’S GAMING.
Tumblr media
nsfw | mdni | fem!reader | switch!josh | cockwarming | cursing | praise | unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy) | creampie | pet names | having to stay quiet | brief handjob | josh says hachi machi once (i wanted it to be as canon as possible😭) | not proofread
OH MY GODDDD okay so it definitely would start off with him playing biotic wars waayyyy longer than he told you he would, leaving you frustrated.
you walk into your shared living room where (of course) josh is sitting on the couch with a pair of headphones resting on his ears. josh is yelling at the screen and throwing his hands up in frustration, readjusting the mic to talk to the people on the other side.
you smile at the scene in front of you, making a conscious effort to stifle any laughter that threatens to escape. even though you were annoyed, you still thought it was so cute how serious he was about the things he loves.
you walk over to the couch and sit next to him, hoping he would take the hint that you want to spend time with him. he turns to you for a moment and gives you a gentle smile, genuinely happy to see you. but as quick as he looked to you, he turns back to the screen and yells at his friends in anger, upset they can’t beat the level.
you throw your head back against the cushion in frustration and sigh, annoyed that he still won’t pay attention to you while you’re right next to him.
you knew how much he loved those games, and while you thought it was nice that he was comfortably sharing a hobby he enjoys with you, you wish that he would focus on you just a bit more.
you attempt to get up but before you can get anywhere, josh reaches his arm out and grabs your hand. he looks up at you with those brown, doe-like eyes and you swear you could fall in love again. you knew he was asking you to sit back down, but what was the point if he was just going to play that stupid game the whole time?
josh grabs the side of his headset and clicks a button, letting you know he muted it.
“come sit down on my lap, i missed you.”
your eyes widen at his words and you smile, surprised that he even noticed you get up. the first words to you since you came in here was asking you to sit on him lap? not like you were complaining though.
you crawl into his lap, careful not to block the view of the tv, and try to get yourself comfortable. you gasp when you feel something hard against your ass, and you have to stifle a moan when you turn around to see him smirking at you.
before you could say a word, josh turns on the mic and starts talking again, careful not to get too loud. he doesn’t want to hurt your ears, and you silently thank him.
you try to ignore the growing wet spot on your underwear, thinking about how hard josh is just from you sitting on his lap. it takes everything in you to not just rip his clothes off and ride him into oblivion, but after all, he is trying to play with his friends.
josh’s hips stir underneath you and you hear him gulp loudly. you knew how hard this was for him too, and you wanted to help him. you move your hips in circles a few times, perfectly against his hard on.
josh can’t help the groan that falls from his lips at your movements, but before anyone can ask questions, he covers it up by saying, “this is so fucking annoying.”
relieved that you weren’t caught, you move your hips back again, and josh shoots you a death glare. your hips stutter for a moment at his look, but then, you get an idea.
you get back up from his lap and he starts to ask you where you going, but he realizes exactly what you’re doing as he watches you slowly tug at the ends of your shirt.
you don’t break eye contact as you pull your shirt up, exposing your chest to josh. his eyes flick back to the screen, and he contemplates throwing the controller down and fucking you on the couch. his eyes then go back down to your chest as you completely disregard your shirt, leaving it somewhere on the floor beside you.
josh gets broken out of his daze when loud shouts come from his headphones, and he quickly goes to turn it off. he mutes his headset, but before he could take them off, you say, “no, no. keep playing, baby.”
josh frowns and his eyes don’t leave yours, even though he really really wants to look down at your chest.
“what are you doing?” you ask, “aren’t you going to play?”
josh lets out a shaky breath and looks back at the screen, a feeling of anxiety running through him. he clicks the button on the side of the headset and unmutes it quickly, apologizing to the others for having to leave so abruptly.
you turn around and face the tv, careful to not block josh’s view but also making sure he can still see you, you bend down and pull down your underwear and shorts.
you turn your head over your shoulder and see josh practically drooling all over himself, and you smile at his reaction.
you step out of your clothes and turn back around, fully facing josh. josh lets out a shaky breath and heat rises to his cheeks. a pink hue lightly sits on his cheeks as he tries to find the words to say.
you look back at the tv and see josh’s character doing nothing, and you turn back to josh and cock an eyebrow. josh’s eyes widen and he quickly looks back at the tv, trying to focus on whatever’s happening on the screen in front of him.
while josh isn’t looking, you drop to the floor in front of him and rest your head on his thigh. josh’s breath catches in his throat and he tries not to look down at you, hands shaking slightly against the controller that sits in his soft hands.
if that game was soooo important to him, why was it so hard for him to focus now? you knew the answer to that question, but the thought still amuses you.
josh continues to play the game as best as he can, only sneaking a few glances down as he feels your hand reach up to his zipper.
the sound of his zipper sliding down makes him tense up, but nonetheless, he still focuses on the screen. you grin to yourself, thinking about how well he listens to everything you tell him to do.
you pull his pants down to his thighs as best as you can, despite him sitting down. your eyes widen in shock when you see the wet spot that has formed on his boxers, and you use your pointer finger to touch it softly.
josh hisses through gritted teeth at the feeling, and you smile thinking about how hard it will be for him to keep quiet. even though you love every sound he makes, you wanted to punish him for being on the game too much.
in all honesty, it really didn’t bother you too much, but it was fun to see him try his best to be quiet and focus on the game.
you pull his dick out of his boxers and take a second to admire it. the pink tip is leaking with precum, and it drips down the side of his dick. you spread the precum around his tip with your finger and hold the head softly.
it takes everything in him not to fuck up into your hand, but he knew he was better than that. instead, he tries to pay full attention to the game, despite the feeling of your hand moving up and down his cock at an antagonizing pace.
josh’s palms sweat against the controller as he tries to listen to the voices coming through the headphones, giving the best responses he could.
you wanted to sit on your knees in front of him and jerk him off until he came, but suddenly, you got a better idea.
you remove your hand from his dick and he frowns, looking down at you with confusion painting his face. you get off your knees and stand up, watching his eyes follow your body. his brown puppy dog eyes look so adorable right now, and you swear you could die on the spot.
you stare down at him and then at his dick that’s begging to be touched. you turn around and get in front of him, blocking his view from the tv and moving your body down.
you grab josh’s dick and line it up with your hole and slowly sink down on it. you have to bite your lip to silence any moans that may spill out of your lips, and when you turn around and see josh’s face, you know he’s struggling just as bad as you are.
every inch you take of him makes it harder to stay quiet, and josh has to cover his mouth with his hand. his controller sits loosely in the other one, and you stop moving down when you realize he’s not playing.
josh frowns but then realizes why you stopped, and takes his hand off his mouth. he moves his head to the side to see the screen, and you continue to sink down until his dick is all the way inside of you.
you lean your body back against josh and try not to think about his dick perfectly stretching you out. you grip his hands and bring them around your body, so he can still play the game while you sit on his dick.
josh sighs and grips the controller tightly, trying to ignore the feeling of your walls gripping his dick tightly. he mumbles a few words to the mic, not like you’re paying attention though.
as the veins along his cock graze your sensitive walls, you felt yourself getting more sensitive with every moment that passed. your vision goes fuzzy with tears as you watch the screen in front of you, seeing josh’s character run around and try to kill the biotics.
josh and his friends beat the level and excitedly yell into their mics, and you hear some muffled words come from the headphones resting on his ears. josh is rambling on about how excited he is and absentmindedly fucks up into you a few times, causing him to stutter over his words.
your mouth falls open in a silent cry and your eyes roll back in your head, the tears the sit at the brink of your eyelids spilling out.
josh pulls his lips through his bottom teeth as he tries to listen to his friends, trying not to stare down at the way your bodies are connected. he gives another quick thrust and you whine, though he’s quick to cover it up with a fake cough.
you hear the headphones click and josh brings his mouth to the side of your ear, then whispers, “you’re gonna have to be quiet if you want to keep doing this. can you do that for me?”
you nod your head aggressively and turn your head around to face his, studying his cocky demeanor. josh unmutes the mic and turns his focus back to the game, talking loudly to the other people on the line as they start a new level.
even though it was your idea, you won’t deny how badly you need him to fuck you. your cunt aches with need as you tighten around him, and his breath hitches.
he gives an experimental thrust up into you once, seeing if you can stay quiet or not. you clap a hand over your mouth and whine, careful to muffle the sound so no one hears.
your body slumps against josh’s as you try not to make noise, shifting your hips around to release the pressure in between your legs. josh’s hips move up to meet yours and he moans, but quickly catches himself and starts complaining about the game.
when the words “level complete” pop up on the screen, you sigh in relief. you silently begged josh to get off the game and fuck you. even though you wanted to punish him, it felt more like punishment to you.
josh quickly excuses himself and shuts off the game, ignoring his friends pleas to keep playing. he disregards the controller somewhere on the couch, wasting no time and gripping your hips tightly.
“missed you so much, baby,” josh coos, gently thrusting into you. he lets his mouth fall open and moans loudly against your ear. your body twitches against his and you whine, incoherent words falling from your mouth.
“you’re so tight,” josh groans, “feels so good.”
you whimper at his words and move your hips in circles around him. josh brings his lips to the side of your neck and sucks dark circles along your neck and shoulders.
you moan his name like a prayer and he snakes his hand down your body, gripping your thigh harshly. he puts his hand between your leg and grazes your bundle of nerves with his middle and ring finger.
your hips twitch and chase his fingers, needing to feel any kind of pleasure. josh laughs against the shell of your ear and begins to move his fingers around in circles on your clit.
“so fucking wet,” he whispers, sucking a dark circle behind your ear and licking the area softly, as if he’s trying to get rid of the color, “can feel you leaking all over my thighs.”
you push your shaky legs to the ground and settle yourself, then pull up off his dick. you both whine at the loss and josh grabs your hips, trying to pull you down again. you line his dick up with your hole and use your legs as leverage to slowly start bouncing on his cock.
“hachi machi.” josh moans, and you scoff at his stupid choice of words. his dick is literally inside of you and the best thing he could say was “hachi machi” ?
you lift off his dick again and slam back down, then starting a rough pace. josh thrusts up harshly into you and your legs almost give out, and josh has to hold you up.
he rubs aggressive circles on your clit and groans, “can you touch yourself for me? wanna help my pretty girl feel good.”
you nod and move your hand down your body, replacing his fingers with your own. josh grips your hips again tighter than before, and you’re sure there will be bruises by tomorrow.
josh picks your hips up and slams them down harshly over and over, and you can feel your orgasm rapidly approaching.
“i’m gonna—” you cut yourself off with a moan when he moves his hand up to your chest, pulling lightly on your nipple.
“gonna cum all over my dick?” he moans, abusing your sweet spot on your neck with his tongue. “i’m close too, baby.”
josh coos over the way you respond to his touch, and he gives more deep thrusts into your tight cunt. josh’s hips stutter underneath you and you feel his warm cum coat your walls. josh is moaning so loudly you are sure the neighbors could hear.
that feeling of his thick cum shooting into you enough to tip you over the edge and you cum around his cock. you rub harsh circles on the bundle of nerves between your legs as josh pulls on your nipple, and your back arches against him.
you throw your head back, only giving josh more access. he muffles his loud moans in your neck as your cunt continues to milk him dry, and you feel like your head is spinning. nothing comes out of your mouth but moans and whimpers as josh continues to fuck you through your orgasm.
his lazy thrusts slow to a complete stop and he pulls you into his chest. you both take a moment to catch your breath while he stays inside of you.
“thank you so much, baby. needed that so fucking bad.” josh breathily whispers, rubbing soothing circles on your waist.
you brace yourself on the ground and pull yourself off, and you both whine at the loss. you plop down next to him on the couch and sigh, leaning your body against his.
you and josh sit like that for a moment before he asks, “wanna take a bath to clean up?”
166 notes · View notes
lovelyghst · 2 days
Note
Your last ask about hungry simon and eating your leftovers just warmed my heart!
Like he would have a field day with me cause I can't eat much in one sitting but get hungry easily and sadly get sick fast if I can't eat.
Just Imagine him always having safe snacks on hand and loving strolling around and getting snacks from vendors and such and he just gets more than half of everything cause you get full so fast
Or
Hear me out
You're always cooking for a football team portion wise and and and him praising the food and just really loving it (not me with a praise kink) and you're just glad it doesnt go to waste and he gets to feel full and satisfied
~🍯
[one, two, three.]
honestly!! simon has to carry snacks around with him twenty-four/seven. like, bag of pretzels being dwarfed by his giant palm while he’s walking around the house, emptying a large bag of beef/steak jerky every day and a whole carton of eggs every two days.
being eyed by the employees of a store while you try on clothes because food and drinks aren’t allowed in store yet none of the staff want to be the one to confront the six-foot-four, intimidating, hulking man with an apple in his hand as he watches you do a twirl for him.
and you’re so real for the last part! si has manners, undoubtedly, and he won’t hesitate to let you know how much he appreciates you and your hard work; he’d be such a fool not to.
just walking into his home office while he’s working at his desk, bowl of cut up strawberries and kiwis in hand for him to munch on as you find your place in his lap, possibly for a quick nap. bonus points if you cut the fruits up into little shapes or cover them in melted chocolate.
he gives the best hugs; it’s a given, considering his mass, and he could never say no to the sensation of your arms wrapped around his neck, pretty face buried in his collar, and the calming rhythm of your breathing against his chest reminding him that he could use a break, too.
he loves the effort you put in for him when he doesn’t even ask, and he always makes sure to pay you back for it. sometimes it tugs so severely at his heartstrings that, despite never wanting children or anything of the sort, he suddenly wants to make you a parent. only with him, and so fucking bad that it makes him sick.
but anyways my american brain is taking over and imagine going to a state fair or carnival with him, or just any theme park in general. you know he’s already getting in line for a vendor while he still has the prior’s food in his hand. the idea of him carrying around one of those ginormous turkey legs is so silly to me.
you’re going home with the half-dozen giant stuffed animals he won for you at the shooting games while he’s balancing two funnel cakes and an elephant ear in one hand, and your bag, filled with various sweets and memorabilia, in the other as you hike back to the car.
also, in my mind retired simon would still work as a consultant on a nearby military base a few days of the month or whenever he’s needed, and now i’m thinking about packing him nice lunches for those days, and how absolutely adorable he finds it. he’s glad he still has his own desk because the little love notes you leave in his box quite literally have his heart racing and knees buckling.
guys the demons are winning and now i can’t stop thinking about how good of a (girl!) dad he would be. i’m in shambles.
118 notes · View notes
Text
Out of The Woods
Tumblr media
pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader
summary: A look back into our reader's past, and a run-in with one, too.
chapter warnings: slow burn,mentions of grief, parental loss, motherhood, swearing, alcohol(ism), child neglect, childhood trauma. Maggie fluff to fix it all <3
a/n: EEP EEP EEP, i know i know its a slooooow burn but we truly are just getting started. Enjoy!
chapter two: Tell Me A Lie || series masterlist
Tumblr media
SEPTEMBER 17th, 1982
Freezer-burnt Egos sit three high on the olive green plate in front of you.
“Great.” Syrup hasn’t been purchased in weeks, so you slather each one with a smear of grape jelly. All served up with a side of tap water.
One bite in, and the sound of shattering glass startles the appetite out it you.
“Dad?!” You shout in a panic.
The sight that greets you on the living room is one that’s become familiar in the few months since your mom’s passing. Your father, slumped over in his beat up recliner, a shattered vodka bottle on the floor next to him.
“Shit…” you’re frantic as you rush to grab the broom and dustpan. It’s become a routine, clean up dad’s mess so that he doesn’t hurt himself when he wakes for his night shift at the Plant.
While it may be routine, it’s certainly not normal. No fourteen year old should be shopping for groceries, and doing laundry and writing checks to the electric company with a letter begging for them to give her a little more time with the lights on.
Every payday, you’d wait for Dad to pass out in his chair, and you’d take most of the cash from his wallet. It was just enough to get yourself food for the week and pay what you could. If he noticed the missing money, he never said anything, but you assumed he did notice that debt collectors had stopped calling so much.
“Bye, Dad.” You whispered. No response—then again, there never was.
The bag of glass was thrown into the trash on your walk to the garage. Hopping on your rusted out silver bike, you started the 2 mile ride to Hawkins High.
In truth, this has become the only slice of peace in your day. You could shut your damn brain off and just breathe. Not worry about the inevitable chaos that waited for you at home.
It was Friday, which means a meeting with the school counselor to see how you were doing since your mom died. June was…it was a time you’ve tried to block out. To suppress any memories or feeling from that awful day.
“Did you hear me, hon?” Ms. Kelly’s soft voice pulled you from your dissociation.
“What? Oh, mhm.”
She looked at you softly, tilting her head as a sign she absolutely did not believe you.
“Listen,” she pulls the file off her desk and turns it for you to see. “Your grades…they’re not at all reflective of your abilities. Your teachers think you’re brilliant, but the lack of effort on homework and tests is something of a concern.”
The pain of holding back tears began to prickle your throat. “I know, I’m—I’m trying. I’m studying as much as I can—“
“You’ve got such a bright future, just work a bit harder, hm?” Her smile was one of reassurance and confidence.
It’s not Mrs. Kelly’s fault. She didn’t know about what was happening at home, so she certainly didn’t know the impact of her advice.
“Work harder,” you whisper, venom coating your tongue. “Got it.”
The smile on your face is only there to keep the tears at bay. She excuses you to get back to next period, and you practically sprint from her office.
Where your legs take you, you’re not exactly sure. But the room is empty and dark and at this point you’ll take any refuge you can get.
So you sit and sob, heaving breaths and crying into your palm to muffle any sounds. How long you were there you have no idea, but it was long enough to hear the bell for end of the school day.
The door to the room opened, pouring in light from the hallway.
“Shit…you okay?”
His voice was so gentle and unsure. Backlit as the door closed, the shadow of his silhouette almost made him look like an angel.
Long shaggy hair, denim and chains and leather.
An angel--dressed like a devil.
You attempted to stand quickly, muttering a half-hearted apology, but you stumbled. Luckily for you, the stranger caught your elbow and waist.
“Whoa, hey just—here, sit for a sec, okay?” He guided you to the table across from where you’d sat, and ushered you towards one of the chairs.
“You’re not hurt are you?” His voice was so soft; a kindness you hadn’t heard in a long, long time.
You shook your head, “No, no. I’m fine.”
He laughed softly, “You sure about that?”
The tears in your eyes put holes in his chest.
“I’m Eddie,” he sat next to you on the table, “Who might you be?”
You whispered your name, and he smiled, then whispered it right back.
Eddie was gentle with you. He sat in silence for a few minutes, waiting for your breathing to return to normal.
What you didn’t know was how he watched you. The way he recognized the pain in your eyes—a kind of sadness that only people who’ve experienced it can understand.
He knew a bad home life when he saw one, and It made him angry.
Angry that someone could look in your eyes and hurt you. That people could see how broken you were and take advantage of it. Worst of all? He was angry there was no one there to protect you.
As far as he was concerned, that changes today.
Eddie cleared his throat, and your eyes found him again. “Look at us,” he nudged your shoulder. “strangers a couple minutes ago, now we’re acquaintances. Who knows? Before we leave we might even be friends.”
A genuine and true laugh escaped you. It’d been so long since you’d heard your own laugh, the sound alone was foreign.
Though for Eddie, it was a sound that made his heart beat faster and face turn rosey, even under the gross fluorescent bulbs.
“I’d like to be your friend, I think.” You smile. Crinkles formed by his umber eyes as he mirrored your grin.
Your hand juts out, extended to him for the taking. “You’re not a serial killer, right?”
His warm grip finds yours, “Not to your knowledge.”
There’s a pain in your cheeks from smiling so hard. “That’s reassuring.”
Eddie jumped up, offering you his elbow. “Whaddya say, kid? Care to cause some chaos and debauchery with your new pal?”
It’d be easy to say no. To allow yourself to return to the shell you’ve built around yourself in order to protect your heart in a way no one else would.
But you didn’t hesitate. Linking arms with Eddie, his scent invaded you—nicotine and weed and…vanilla? Whatever the combination, you’re sure it was uniquely and perfectly him.
“Whatcha got in mind?”
Eddie could have said anything and you’re pretty sure you’d have agreed. “Oh, sweetheart. Just you wait.”
Tumblr media
“Mama! Do we have any straw’bies?” Maggie asked from the kitchen.
The smell from the chemicals you’re cleaning the shower with make your head throb and the sweat on your brow itches you for the ten millionth time.
Deep breathes. Deep breathes.
“No, Mags. C’mon, get your shoes on. As soon as I’m done here we’re going to the store.” You throw the yellow gloves down into the sink, giving them a quick rinse.
The weekend has brought some seriously good progress. Friday you’d managed to get Maggie registered for school, and start cleaning out the house.
Boxes of old newspapers and tchotchkes your father had kept sat stagnant, collecting dust and taking up far too much space. None of it mattered to you, so you’d trashed it.
All of it.
Saturday was spent taking trips back and forth to the Goodwill, hoping and praying your little car would survive after all the driving she did. You’d bought a few cheap gallons of paint from Melvald’s, this house was your home now—Maggie’s home. It was time to wipe the slate clean and create a place the two of you could fill with love and laughter and memories
“Mom?” Maggie mumbled, mouth full of banana as she watches you slink into your jacket.
You grabbed your keys. “Yes, angel?”
“Can we get ice cream? Wouldn’t that be a fun way to ce-bre-late me going to big girl school tomorrow?”
I need to find a damn job.
You do some quick math, adding and subtracting based on what you had left in your savings, and what you’d set aside for bills.
You drop to your knees in front of your daughter, getting right down to her level to place a big kiss on her forehead. “Of course we can. Good idea, Maggie-moo.”
Her dimples were so deep from her big wide grin, you poked a finger in each of them.
“Moooom!” She laughed, swatting your hands away.
“Whaaaat? I just love you! Now c’mon, we gotta go get your asparagus.” You hold the door and Maggie jumps onto the porch.
“Ice cream!” She shouts, making a mad dash to the car.
You chuckle. “Right, right. Ice cream.”
The store is a mere 10 minutes drive from home. If you ask Maggie, she thinks 10 minutes is the perfect amount of time to throw an impromptu concert from the back seat—room for encore included.
The moment your hands grasp the shopping cart, Maggie’s arms are up. “Assuming the position, I see.” You smile proudly.
Scooping her up, you plop her right on her bottom into the cart. Maggie wiggled, gasping as the two of you strolled past the chip aisle. “Don’t forget! We have to get some snacks for school too!”
“Right,” you braked, and turned down it. “Let me guess, Doritos are the perfect school snack?”
Her eyes are wide, clearly overwhelmed at the selection the Pete’s Grocery has to offer. “Can we gets the cheese ones?”
“Sure thing, Sunshine.”
Shopping is entirely uneventful. It’s mainly you budgeting and planning on dinners for the week. Everything bought has to have more than one use or purpose, or you don’t get it. A few jars of pasta sauce, some spaghetti, a loaf of bread, peanut butter and jelly. Chicken, canned corn, strawberries and bananas and a few boxes of mac n cheese. No the shopping spree Maggie thinks it is, but you’ll make it work.
“Alright kiddo, now the piece de resistance…the ice cream section!” You use your best announcer voice as you scoop her from the cart, and let her roam free.
She squeals. “Mom! There’s so many kinds!”
You watch her, taking in how the littlest things in this life make her the happiest you’ve ever seen her. You’re so engrossed in your daughter, you almost don’t hear it. The familiar tone that had engrained itself in your memory, the sarcastic “Sure, Robin.” that had been a staple in his vocabulary since High School.
Any calm feeling you’d had vanished, stomach churning inside you. “Mags,” you called in a hushed tone. “Maggie! C’mon, baby, just choose—“
The voices were an aisle away, and moving closer to you.
Maggie was in her own world, running back and forth to different doors in careful deliberation.
You could feel yourself start to tremble, calling her a bit louder this time. “Maggie-moo, please hurry—“
“Ho-ly shit.”
Of course Robin was the first to say something. She stood with her mouth agape, Steve perplexed next to her. When he’d followed her gaze, the two bags of chips he was holding fell to the floor.
He called your name like he was unsure. Questioning if the ghost in front of him was really his friend from all those years ago.
“Mommy! I founded the one I want!” Maggie screeched as she barreled toward you, clutching a box of Bomb Pops to her chest.
Your two old friends’ eyes went straight to your daughter.
Robin’s eyes were so wide, you thought they’d burst from her skull. “Mom?” She questioned.
Steve followed her up with, “No freakin’ way.”
Maggie chucked the pops in the cart, and stood by your side, your arms instinctively reaching for her. She must have followed your eyes, because soon, she too was in the middle of the staring contest the three of you had started.
She was quiet for a moment, studying them, and it wasn’t that long before she started giggling the tiniest bit. She covered her mouth, making herself laugh with whatever joke was rolling around in her little mind.
Maggie walked up to Steve as she laughed, and smiled her big toothy grin at him. “Hiya, Cheeseball!” She spoke through her giggles.
Robin’s laugh caught her so off guard she started coughing, and Steve was all smiles. “Excuse me? Who told you about my nickname?”
Maggie laughed, “My Mommy! She said your name is Steeb and you’re a real cheese ball!”
“Steve, Mags. Steve.” You were laughing, thankful for your daughter for saving you and for easing the tense moment you were seconds away from having to address.
“Nope, uh-uh. He’s Steeb now, from this day until his last.” She looked at you, get big smile taking up her face. Her eyes were soft, softer than they’d been moments ago. She looked back to Maggie, “And who’re you?”
Pride filled Maggie’s voice, “My name is Maggie and I’m six years old, but I’ll be seven soon! Mommy telled me birthday is Star Wars day.”
Robin’s brows pinched together, “Star Wars Day?”
“May the 4th.” You and Steve answered in unison.
The hazel-eyed boy looked at you, offering you a small smile.
Robin went back to talking to Maggie, asking her about Star Wars and her why she chose Bomb Pops. Steve walked over to stand next to you.
He plopped the chips in the top of your cart, and without any hesitation, pulled you in for a hug.
“God, I missed you.” He whispered into your hair.
You could feel the emotion squeezing your throat, “I missed you so much, Stevie.”
He held you a few more seconds, using Robin as a distraction. “Is…is she—“
You gripped him tighter, “Not here. Please not here, Steve.”
Steve Harrington was many things, but dumb wasn’t one of them. A bit of an airhead, and clueless sometimes, but not dumb. He’d seen it immediately, the resemblance between the two of you, and the one of Maggie and his other friend.
Steve let you go, looking over your face. “Does, um…does he know?”
With shame in your heart, you shook your head. “No, and I need to keep it the way.”
The for now went unsaid.
Steve nodded. “You haven’t ran into him yet then, I take it.”
“No,” you whispered. “I don’t even know what would happen if we did. Can’t think about it, not right now.”
Maggie approached the two of you, yanking Robin by her arm. “You were right, Mom! I do like this Robin lady.”
When the laughter died down, it was then Robin asked the question looming over the four of you.
“So, and pardon-my-french Little Miss M, but what the hell are you doing back in Hawkins?”
And with that, the floodgates opened.
You told them about what you’d been up to the last seven years, and what brought you back. Granted, you kept everything very Maggie-friendly—meaning most of your words were very PG friendly.
It was a weird feeling, admitting to all of the half-truths you told yourself, and how you had to push them out of your life. You wanted to tell them anything but the truth. To spare their feelings and the thought that you too could just as easily abandon the people who, at one point, were some of the most important people in your life.
"That's...that's heavy shit." Steve breathed.
You nodded, fully aware of the hanger-ticking-timebomb Maggie was becoming.
"We'll, uh...we'll catch up soon. Gotta get the grouch dinner."
"I am not a grouch." Maggie crossed her arms, and turned away.
"Of course you're not! You're just a girl who knows what she want." Robin high fived Maggie, and your heart melted.
You hugged them both one more time before loading Mags back in the cart, "Stop by anytime," You said with a smile. "You know where I live."
119 notes · View notes
darcydoesfuckall · 1 day
Text
Why you should write that AO3 comment:
Hello! I am an AO3 author and professional fandom dipshit. This is an "essay" on why you should leave that comment on the fanfic you just read.
Table of Contents:
"Commenting is too much effort!"
"I don't know what to write!"
Do you want more fanfic?
Fan creators are human beings, not AI content generators.
You can count it as charity work on your metaphysical taxes.
"Commenting is too much effort!"
Yes, writing a comment takes energy. I'm an introvert, I get that. I have two counter arguments to this point.
AO3 comments are not the SAT:
Tumblr media
This is a comment from my latest fic, Quantum Entangled.
Three words and a heart. It requires zero consideration, it isn't specific to the fic, it's something you could copy-paste, even. A comment like this is better than nothing. I'll let my reply from AO3 explain why:
"You know what, I appreciate this way more than you'd probably expect. The temptation to lurk is a strong one, both for social anxiety reasons and internet content-consumption culture reasons. But when people lurk, I can't tell that they've enjoyed the story. The more people that lurk instead of interacting, the more I assume that my work wasn't good enough, irrespective of the reader's actual feelings. So this was a very welcome comment to read. Thank you for indicating your enjoyment. I will endeavour to write more stuff for you to lurk on in the future. :)"
A comment like this, one that is as thoughtless and low effort as possible, is still a comment. Something that denotes a reader's interest. Because, and I can't be clear enough about this, I HAVE NO OTHER WAY OF KNOWING THAT YOU LIKED IT. Kudos and comments are my only window into the reader's experience.
Sure, I'd love more detailed and thorough comments on my work, but, if that expectation is the thing that's going to stop you from commenting at all, I'd prefer the bland copy-paste appreciation.
Onto my second argument.
Do you know what also takes effort? WRITING THE DAMN FIC:
You do not get to complain about being forced to type a congratulatory handful of words after reading that 200k slow-burn fantasy au. Do you know how many hours went into that thing? Do you? Because I can guarantee that it was A LOT. All that writers are asking for is a single emoji. A kudos, at the very least. Consider the effort that went into the creation that you've just experienced and give just a thimble full of it back.
Authors lay out a feast for you to devour. They're only requesting a "thank you".
"I don't know what to write!"
Like in the previous example, an AO3 comment can be as simple as three words saying that you appreciated it. Just an acknowledgement that you were there. It doesn't have to be fancy.
But if you want fancy...?
Tumblr media
Here's one of my comments, from Tishae's Better Together.
Let me break it down for you.
"Stunning. This au is so well developed. I love how you managed to maintain tension after the point that they discover that their feelings are requited. This was brilliantly paced, and the action (esp the ending) was so engaging."
The comment opens with appreciation. (Think of it as a sandwich with love as the bread. It starts and ends with my enjoyment.)
There are specific details about what I liked.
"If I may ask, what was the crime that the Metatron committed? Maybe I'm bad at reading between the lines or maybe I missed something, but I'm really curious as to what dirt they have on him. Victimless? Bad enough for imprisonment, but not so morally reprehensible as to make Anathema reveal it? Did he embezzle? That's all I can really think of."
Continues with a specific question about the story and plot.
Shows that I was critically engaged and actively considering the story.
You don't have to have questions about every fic that you read, but don't be afraid to ask them if you do. I love it when people ask me about my work.
"Thank you for the delicious food. I honestly thought that you were going to have Crowley's final look be something in grey (black and white being the theme of the show, metaphorically representing separation/binary, so Aziraphale was uncomfortable with it due to the implications. Grey, symbolising unity/shades of grey as an idiom, would then be the biggest middle finger to the Metatron) but I do really like what you came up with."
Gratitude.
Thoughts about how I read the plot. (This is something I particularly love to read as an author. Please tell me what's going on in that funky lil' brain of yours!!)
"I'm hoping this comment provides plenty of dopamine. If the task activation and instant gratification parts of your brain light up, you might be more likely to write GO content again. Love your work, thanks for sharing it. I hope you gain 3 inches of metaphorical dick length. Please keep writing."
Encouragement to keep writing. (This is the best way to ensure that creators remain in the fandom)
A funny comment to sign off.
Now that you know what to comment, let's start on the real reasons why you should.
Do you want more fanfic?
Fun fact! Fanfictious Authoria are a species that sustain themselves entirely on a diet of brain worms, unfinished WIPs, and kudos. As one of the three fundamental food groups, removing kudos from the fandom ecosystem causes a complete collapse of the natural order. In times of unprecedented scarcity, entire populations of Fanfictious Authoria can die out completely. This means that the production of fanfiction, in that particular region of fandom, stops entirely, often causing major ecological damage, and the subsequent deaths of fan species in the same genus. (Like the Fanfictious Artia, or the Fanfictious Editour, both of which subsist on fanfiction based diets to survive.)
In conservation efforts, experts are imploring readers to donate kudos and comments toward any fandom region that they want to stay alive.
But I digress.
When I want more content, I tell the author. Ask and you shall receive; it's the best way to convince an author/artist to make more.
Tumblr media
My comment on @mrghostrat's And They Were Streamers
You liked it? Then COMMENT! Not for the author's sake, but for your own. You want to see the ending of a WIP? Well, it'd be a terrible shame if the author gave up on it because they thought no one was reading... They don't know that you enjoy their work until you TELL THEM. They're not psychic, you have to help them hear you. Commenting on the things you like influences the creators of said things to attribute the act of making content (and, notably, making the type of content that specifically appeals to you) with the dopamine hit of reading your reaction. Treat them like Pavlov's dogs. Ring the kudos-bell.
Fan creators are human beings, not AI content generators.
They have real human feelings and real human egos. The contemporary attitude towards media engagement is skewed towards algorithmic, instant, and uncritical consumption. This is pumping straight gasoline into the beautiful lakes of our fandom ecosystem. Fandom cannot afford to treat its creators like mechanical text generators. We are not an unfeeling assembly line, only there to produce content. We are enthusiasts, engaging in our hobby. No fan creator has to show you anything. They are fully within their rights to keep their works hidden in their computer files, never to see the light of day. Every fanfic on AO3 is only there because someone had the grace to share it with you. You are not entitled to an author's work, just as they are not entitled to your kudos. We have a mutually beneficial arrangement. Do not forget your part in this symbiosis.
It's a problem that extends beyond AO3. Tumblr is a less enthusiastic place than it used to be. Fandom as a whole is drifting towards a consumption mindset. I, for one, am sick of it. Reblog things, like them, share them. Make fanart of fanart. Who gives a shit? Do the cringy thing. You don't have to cultivate your blog aesthetic. Be who you are, like what you like, and have enthusiasm about all of it. Fandom should be an expression of radical self acceptance. Embrace it. Leave essays about fics that you liked. Reblog the essays of other's when you see them. Exist in the mutual joy of seeing and being seen. You are not just an external observer, absorbing content from a distance. You are here too. Wave back at us. Say 'hi.'
You can count it as charity work on your metaphysical taxes.
My final appeal is a moral one.
Commenting on AO3 is just a kind thing to do.
You are your actions. Are you the kind of person who does the kind thing when no one is watching? When no one will care?
Fanfiction is a hobby, and I'm not here to guilt you about how you spend your leisure time. I'm only here to say that there is a kindness you could be giving the world.
If you are one of the people that performs this kindness, I thank you.
94 notes · View notes
dudadragneel · 8 hours
Text
And I'm back!
I hope you'll enjoy it!
This fic is based on a TikTok I saw!
THE ONLY HYUNG
Idols tend to receive tons of gifts from fans to the point where the companies issue a statement that they won't be accepting any more. But that also has to do with their safety, you never know what a sasaeng can do.
One day, Chan and Lee Know decided to go live to open some of the gifts they had recently received.
They had managed to get the staff away so they could be a little more carefree during the live, but still paying attention to what they said.
They enjoyed opening up all the presents and fan letters, some even made them tear up.
It was all going well until things unexpectedly took a turn for the worse. Before going live they had lunch and since eating Lee Know was feeling bloated, as if he ate a serving for three people.
As they went on he kept on taking his hand to his stomach and rubbing it in useless attempts to calm it down. But he kept his composure, as much as he could, the last thing he wanted was to get sick live.
Chan had picked up on Lee Know's obvious discomfort and placed a hand on his thighs, trying to comfort him without saying anything.
Lee Know tried his best to focus on his hyung's touch and the presents, but eventually, it got too much. His stomach was churning and his head started to hurt as well.
Before he even noticed he had lowered his head so it was now resting on his hand and Chan immediately stopped everything he was doing and turned his attention to Lee Know.
- hyung...I feel sick...
Chan got closer to him and started massaging his nape. He knew that if Lee Know admitted to feeling unwell, it meant it was really bad.
The staff that was monitoring the live from another room, had gone to the room where they were but before they could get in, Chan glared at them, and a single nod made them leave. He knew Lee Know wouldn't want attention right now.
- Do you want some water?
- No...I feel nauseous...
He said, bringing his hand to his stomach one more time and letting out a sigh. Chan grabbed Lee Know's hand and started rubbing it with his thumb.
- Do you wanna go to the bathroom?
- hm...I want to throw up...
- Let's go. Hyung will help you.
Chan placed his arms under Lee Know's and helped him up, being in a standing position was not something his stomach had agreed to so he lurched forward suppressing a gag with his hand.
- Hang on just a little more, okay?
He embraced his dongsaeng and guided him to the bathroom and into one of the stalls, locking the door behind them.
Usually, Lee Know would rather deal with this on his own but he acted like a dongsaeng when he was with Chan. The difference in how he acts is huge.
Lee Know bent over, hands on the edges for support, and started gagging unproductively.
He kept on rocking back and forth, spitting out saliva and retching, but whatever it was that made him feel like that was not coming up.
Chan was rubbing his back up and down, with the softest expression on his face.
- hyung...
Lee Know whined.
- I know it hurts... it'll be over soon.
Lee Know squeezed his eyes when his stomach cramped badly making him gag unproductively again.
Chan took his chance to help his dongsaeng by gently rubbing his abdomen in a circular motion.
Lee Know retched a few times before a wet burp triggered his sensitive stomach, bringing up partially digested food. Chan could swear he saw chunks of what was Lee Know's lunch from earlier and grimaced at the gross sight.
His stomach did not give him a break and before he could even breathe, it sent up a thicker stream of putrid vomit immediately followed by another making the poor boy go red from the effort and sway forward.
Chan tightened his hold on Lee Know so that the boy wouldn't fall and used his other hand to rub Lee Know's chest, trying to comfort the sick boy.
- Agh...
Lee Know groaned at the discomfort he was feeling before another bout of vomit gushed out with a wet burp, arching his back.
- You're doing good. Get everything out. It must have been the lunch. You'll feel better when it's all out of your system.
Lee Know spat out thick saliva and then his stomach gave him a break. But now his head was throbbing from the ordeal and he felt a little dizzy, like someone was squeezing his head.
- Minho-ah? Do you think you're done?
- Hyung...I need to sit down...
- Are you feeling dizzy?
- hm...
Lee Know just nodded swallowing hard. Chan carefully guided him so he was now sitting down on the floor. Thank God for the ridiculously clean bathrooms of the company.
The younger boy was kind of in a daze with how things went south in a matter of minutes, so Chan stepped up to keep on helping him, getting some toilet paper to wipe Lee Know's mouth.
- Thanks hyung...
- How are you feeling?
Chan asked sitting beside Lee Know who was resting his head on his hand again and kept on rubbing his back reassuringly.
- Sick...my stomach is churning and now my head hurts...
- Do you want to move to the studio?
- No... I feel like I'll throw up again...
- Okay. We'll stay here then. I'll be right here with you.
Chan reassured, grabbing Lee Know's hand and squeezing it.
- Agh..
Lee Know winced again...
- What is it?
- My head is throbbing....Hyung...can I rest my head on your hand?
- Of course.
Chan couldn't deny that he was taken aback by the sudden request, Lee Know being this vulnerable was a rare sight, one that was mostly only shown to Chan.
Lee Know rested his head on his hyung's hand, allowing the whole weight to be held by Chan. The pressure against his forehead miraculously helped with the throbbing pain.
Even so, Chan kept rubbing Lee Know's back, and for a while, the young boy seemed to have calmed down.
- Minho-ah, were you feeling like this before?
- Only after lunch...my stomach felt too full...
- I think it might've been the lunch.
The young boy was still resting his head on his hyung's hand when he started shivering a bit. Chan could feel Lee Know's forehead was starting to feel hot and that was an indicator that this wasn't a case of food not sitting well, it was most likely food poisoning.
- It's cold in here...
- I think you're starting to run a fever, Minho-ah. I'm pretty sure this is food poisoning.
- Great.
Lee Know said, clearly getting mad at the situation. He hated feeling sick, weak, and vulnerable but he felt safe to feel like this when he was with Chan.
The chills just wouldn't stop and his stomach was determined to get everything out.
It cramped badly again making him gag, startling Chan a bit, who was still holding the boy's head.
- Hyung...I'm gonna be sick...
He said weakly gagging again on his hand and failing to contain a bit of liquid that escaped his mouth but thankfully hit the floor and didn't get on his clothes. He already felt too weak so Chan had to help him to the toilet, holding his forehead and keeping the boy's hair away from his eyes.
Lee Know didn't even have time to think before his stomach contracted making more vomit rush up his throat. The thick wave that came out still had chunks of food, given that he had just eaten, and it triggered another wave that was followed by another one leaving him breathless.
- You're really not okay.
Chan said, somewhat impressed by how quickly his symptoms worsened, which meant that Lee Know's immune system was not in good condition.
The older boy kept on rubbing Lee Know's back and then moved to his chest when he choked, the bout that followed made food come out of his nose as well.
Fuck. He cursed inside, today just wasn't his day, and if it was really food poisoning, then this suffering would last a few days.
He straightened his back and took a deep breath in, trying to control his body, but gagged a few times before he was over the toilet one more time retching up what felt like it was yesterday's dinner.
After this bout he was dry heaving, just barely bringing up thick saliva and bile. Chan decided to flush the toilet before the stench and sight triggered Lee Know's stomach again.
- Grab my hand.
Chan offered but he didn't even need to, as Lee Know did that immediately, trying to take deep breaths to control the nausea that persisted.
- Come on, breathe with me, just like what we did that day.
Lee Know was still squeezing Chan's hand as he was guided through the breathing exercise. A few minutes after, he was more calm.
- Better?
- Yeah...
- Do you feel like you're gonna puke again?
- No...not now at least.
- Do you wanna move to the studio?
- Yeah...hyung, can you help me up? I feel dizzy...
- Sure, come on.
Chan placed his arms under Lee Know's again and lifted him, most of the boy's weight being held by his hyung.
- Let's rinse your mouth first.
While Lee Know did that, Chan wiped the sweat off his damp forehead and only then noticed that Lee Know's face was already pretty flushed because of the fever.
And the dancer couldn't deny, his whole body ached because of the fever, even Chan's hold on him hurt.
The oldest carefully guided Lee Know to his studio and lay him on the couch, covering his shivering body with a blanket and leaving a bin nearby.
- Minho-ah, hyung will go tell the manager what happened and see what we'll do okay?
- Yes...
When Chan got to the practice room, he was met with worried eyes, that were clearly asking what happened without saying a word.
- Chan-hyung, where were you?
- You were doing a live with Lee Know hyung, right?
- Yeah. Kids, gather here. Lee Know got sick, he probably has food poisoning. He threw up a couple of times and he's running a fever.
- Where is he?
- I took him to my studio, that's the place where he'd get more privacy.
At that time, their manager came into the room and upon noticing one member missing went straight to the gathered group.
- What happened? Where Lee Know-ssi?
- He got sick during the live. He threw up a few times and he's running a fever. I'm guessing it's food poisoning. Should we take him to the hospital?
- Going to the hospital can be a hassle, especially because of the possibility of encountering fans and god forbid, saesengs. Let's take him home and see if we can make him stay hydrated and fed, if in two days he doesn't manage to keep anything down, well take him.
- Okay.
- Since you have no official schedules, if you want to you can go home as well kids.
- I think Lee Know-hyung would want to keep his privacy for a while. We'll go have lunch and go back home later.
- Okay then.
The manager said, leaving the room to inform the other staff about the situation.
- Kids, can you gather Lee Know's thing for me? I'll go check on him.
- Yes, hyung.
Chan promptly left the room, worried about the sick dongsaeng in his studio. Opening the door, he found Lee Knows hunched over the couch spilling more of his stomach's content into the bin.
He went to his side, sitting on the edge of the couch, repeating the same process from earlier, holding his forehead and rubbing his back, and noticing that the fever had worsened, he could feel the heat through Lee Know's clothes.
- Hyung...it hurts...
- I know... we'll take you home in a few minutes okay?
- Okay.
- Can I dispose of this? Or are you gonna vomit again?
- I feel empty...but the nausea is still here...
- Okay.
Chan went to the bathroom and quickly returned.
- The boys gathered your things, the managed will take us home.
Lee Know stood out his arms so Chan could help him sit up and then waited a few seconds to see if he would throw up again.
- You good?
- Yeah...
- Want me to carry you?
Lee Know's face which was already red due to the fever had gotten even more red.
- Uhm...
He hummed in agreement, head down a little embarrassed. Chan just smiled fondly, even though Lee Know couldn't see.
The leader positioned himself kneeling in front of Lee Know so he could climb on his back, wrapping his arms around his hyun and burying his face.
Chan walked out of his studio and was greeted by their manager holding Lee Know's bag and a big coat which he used to cover Lee Know who was still shivering.
Thankfully their van was parked in the garage so no chance of paparazzi.
Chan settled Minho inside the car and sat beside him, pulling his head so it was resting on his shoulder.
- Manager-nim, do we have a plastic bag?
- I think we do, hold on.
The manager looked inside the glove box and found a plastic bag from one of the many grocery shopping he did with the kids, and handed it to Chan.
- If you feel sick, just let me know okay?
- hmm...
Lee Know just hummed, his fever making him sleepy and dizzy. Chan offered his hand for the sick boy to hold and he did it without hesitation. And again Chan was surprised by how hot he felt, it was high enough to mess with his breathing, and they didn't have a thermometer in the studio so he had no idea how high it was.
A few minutes into the ride home, Lee Know felt increasingly nauseous, burping wetly from time to time. Then he felt something creeping up his chest, a foul taste in his mouth.
He squeezed Chan's hand as he began to swallow convulsively, not wanting to throw up in front of their manager.
- Are you feeling nauseous again?
Lee Know just nodded, swallowing hard and then suppressing a gag, his stomach clearly mad at him for trying to swallow it down.
- Don't hold it in, Minho-ah. He's seen us sick before.
Chan reassured, not letting go of Lee Know's hand and putting the bag under his chin.
The boy helplessly ducked his head closer to the bag just in time for a wet burp to bring up a wave of putrid liquid hitting the bag. Lee Know kept squeezing Chan's hand, that was the only thing keeping him sane and grounded at the moment. Another queasy burp brought up another mouthful of vomit, and by now both he and Chan were thinking he was vomiting everything he ate during the week.
- We're almost there Lee Know-ssi.
Lee Know Just spat out some thick saliva and then just leaned his whole weight on Chan, who was holding the dirty bag, wanting to get rid of it as soon as possible, before the stench filled the car.
When they arrived at the dorms, the manager quickly got out of the car and went to Chan's side to get the bag and dispose of it.
- Minho-ah. We're home.
Chan said softly, caressing the sick boy's arm in an attempt to wake him up. Lee Know was barely conscious but he managed to move so he was sitting on the edge of the car's seat for Chan to pick him up.
- Here we go. Are you okay? Do you feel nauseous?
- No...
- Okay, I'll start moving then.
The manager carried their stuff while Chan carried a flushed face Lee Know, who also looked a little pale.
Entering the dorm, Chan sat Lee Know on the couch and the manager put their things in their bedrooms.
- Call me if you need anything, okay? I'll leave you two alone. Get better soon, Lee Know-ssi.
- Thanks, hyung.
Lee Know said before ducking his head and looking between his knees, he brought a hand to his stomach and sighed. Chan had gone to the bedroom to get Lee Know a fresh set of clothes and a thermometer.
- Let me take your temperature and then I'll help you take a bath, okay?
- yes...
Just as Chan suspected, the fever was really high 38.8°C.
- Minho-ah, we need to cool you down and we need to try to take some medicine, okay?
Just the thought of having to take a pill and most likely taste it was enough to trigger his stomach.
- hyung...
Lee Know called grabbing Chan's arm for dear life.
- bathroom...
He already felt something coming up his throat so he didn't manage to say a proper sentence.
- Come on.
Chan promptly helped his dongsaeng up, grabbed the change of clothes, and rushed to the bathroom with him.
Lee Know went straight to the toilet, vomit spewing out without much control and getting on the edges and the floor.
- Don't worry about that, hyung will clean it up.
Chan reassured placing the clothes on the sink and then going to Lee Know's side to rub his back and his chest for the nth time that day. Chan was scared at how much content was still coming out after the few rounds from earlier, he was getting afraid they'd have to take him to the hospital. As the oldest hyung, he just wanted his dongsaeng's well-being but avoiding the hospital is something everyone wanted.
As Lee Know continued to puke his guts out, Chan prepared his bath.
When he was done, Chan helped him out of his sweaty clothes and helped him into the shower, thankfully they had a bathtub because Lee Know was in no state to keep standing.
- Minho-ah, do you want hyung to wash your hair?
- please...
All this cuteness and vulnerability just showed how awful he was feeling. Chan carefully washed his hair and hoped the bath would help reduce his fever.
- Thanks, hyung
- Don't mention it. I'll let you take your bath now but I'll stay here just in case.
Lee Know slowly washed himself, the water hitting his skin making him wince from how much it stung. What usually would be a means to relax, today was almost a torture session.
When he was done, he surprisingly asked Chan for help getting dressed, and so his hyung did. He was now clean, wearing comfortable clothes and completely drained of his batteries.
- Come on, let's get you to bed. Do you feel like you're vomit again?
- No...not now...I'm tired...
- I know, let's go.
Chan cooed, wrapping his arms around Lee Know and guiding him to his bedroom. Since Lee Know shared a bedroom with another member, Chan thought it would be better for the young boy to sleep in his bedroom. That way he could keep an eye on him, and Lee Know could be more comfortable since he didn't like to show this side to the others.
Lee Know lay down on his hyung's bed and was promptly covered with a blanket by him.
- I will get you an antiemetic first and see how you'll hold up, okay? You need to put something in your stomach, water, a sports drink, soup. I'll be right back.
The poor boy's fever was so high, it was tearing up his eyes, and his head was still throbbing. He just sunk into the pillow and closed his eyes to ease some of the pain until Chan came back.
- Minho-ah. Here take these and let's wait.
- Hyung...my head is still throbbing...
- I'll sim the lights for you. let's see if the antiemetics work, then you'll try to eat something so I can give you painkillers, okay?
- Yes...
Chan stayed with Lee Know in the bedroom and within a few minutes the medication seemed to have worked.
- Do you think you can stomach some soup? Or bread? It might help better than soup actually.
- Bread...
He answered weakly, eyes half open.
Chan came back with a few slices of bread and gave them to Lee Know, who hesitantly took it.
- Just a few bites okay?
The older boy helped Lee Know to sit up on the bed, he was wearing a black hoodie and was half-covered with a blanket. Lee Know was fairly muscular but to Chan, at that moment, he looked so tiny.
He sat at the edge of the bed and stayed with Lee Know while the poor boy took small bites and slowly ate the slices.
- How do you feel? Nauseous?
- No...feels settled...for now.
- That's good.
Chan set the tray aside and placed his hand on Lee Know's forehead.
- It's still high. Let me check it.
The thermometer showed almost the same temperature from earlier, 38.5°C.
- it's still pretty high. Do you think you can stomach some pills?
- Yes...
- Take them with a sports drink, that way you won't feel the taste.
Chan quickly left and came back with the medication and the drinks. Lee Know took them and gagged but managed to swallow it. They waited a few seconds to see if he'd vomit but it didn't happen.
Lee Know was falling asleep even while sitting, so Chan carefully laid him down on the bed, placed an ice pack on his forehead, and covered him before leaving the room to eat something and get a mattress.
Then he was met with the rest of the kids who had just returned home.
- Hyung! How's Lee Know-hyung?
- He threw up again but after taking some medication, he managed to eat something. He was pretty tired so he's asleep now. He'll stay in my room for the time being, okay?
- Okay hyung.
- Let's just keep quiet. I don't want to wake him up.
They all had dinner, took a shower, and then went to do their own stuff but before telling Chan to tell Lee Know they wished he gets better soon.
Chan entered the bedroom and found Lee Know still asleep, his breathing was a bit off but it was due to the fever. He hoped the sick boy would sleep well through the night, but those prayers were not heard.
Chan checked on Lee Know one more time before going to bed himself but was woken up after 1h or so.
Lee Know was sleeping rather peacefully when his stomach decided to remind him he was going through a food poisoning process.
It started churning again, in complete turmoil making Lee Know toss and turn on the bed but no position was comfortable enough. He lay on his back and squeezed his hands in an attempt to control the urge to vomit.
It didn't work, he turned to his side and that must've been the worst decision he made that day. As soon as he turned his stomach jumped shooting up its contents way too fast, Lee Know rushed out of the room, hand covering his mouth so he wouldn't make a mess on the floor, that would be too humiliating.
He got to the bathroom, hurriedly closing the door behind him and bending over the toilet as a stream of bread mixed with stomach juice gushed out, immediately followed by another bout.
The motion of getting up so quickly and being bent over made him feel really dizzy, so before he could actually fall, he managed to sit down next to the toilet. His stomach was cramping badly, sending queasy burps repeatedly but not actually making him vomit, even though he felt like there were still things to come out.
He was starting to feel even more miserable than before, and he was sure his fever spiked again, even his clothes were hurting his skin.
He sat for a few seconds on the floor not sure of what to do, then he noticed his phone inside his hoodie pocket.
- Hyung. Can you come to the bathroom? Just need to know you're here.
Chan was already half awake when he got the message.
- Be right there.
He got up and made his way to the bathroom, but he didn't go in. He respected Lee Know's request of just being close, if the sick boy needed him inside with him, he'd say.
He sat by the door and gently ordered one of the members who had woken up to use the other bathroom, wanting to secure Lee Know's privacy as much as he could.
Chan kept hearing Lee Know retching over the toilet but never heard anything splashing in the water and he thought that maybe Lee Know had nothing else in his stomach.
But a few minutes later, he got another message.
- Hyung...come in, please...
Chan got up and politely knocked on the door, letting Lee Know know he was coming in.
Chan's heart dropped to his stomach when he saw Lee Know's state. His face was bright red from the fever that was obviously higher than before, he was sitting next to the toilet holding his stomach and with a pained expression on his face.
The leader locked the door behind him and walked up to Lee Know, grabbing his hand and feeling the heat of his skin.
- Minho-ah...
- hyung...it hurts...
Lee Know said, tears swelling up in his eyes. Chan immediately pulled him into an embrace, allowing him to break down if he needed to. It was a rare occurrence to see Lee Know cry, so whenever he needed to, Chan was always there to provide him the safe space he so much needed.
Lee Know broke down into sobs from frustration, pain, and embarrassment. Chan tightened his grip around him, gently rocking him from side to side, rubbing his back.
- It's okay. Hyung's got you.
When Lee Know finally calmed down, he kept looking down, still embarrassed by everything that was happening.
- hyung...I've been trying...but nothing's coming up...and it hurts so bad...
- Do you want hyung to help you?
- hmm.
Lee Know nodded shyly, hating to admit he was desperate for a comforting touch.
He leaned over the toilet, his stomach still cramping but only making him dry-heave and nothing came up.
Chan was by his side and rested his hand on Lee Know's abdomen and it felt heavenly for the sick boy. Because of his scar, Lee Know wasn't too comfortable with people touching his abdomen, but right now he really needed that.
- Can I press on it a bit? I think it'll help bring something up.
- please...
Lee Know pleaded, clearly done with how awful he felt, he was accepting every and any help.
Chan first started rubbing circles to soothe some of the pain and gently pressed the middle, earning a wince from Lee Know.
- I'm sorry...but it'll be over soon.
The motion seemed to be working as Lee Know started burping wetly and for a while, gagging unproductively.
Chan proceeded to press on his stomach until Lee Know retched wetly and a thick stream of putrid pale brown liquid hit the toilet water with a sickening sound, followed by another harsher one, leaving Lee Know breathless.
He coughed a few times because something got stuck in his throat, and Chan changed his approach to run his chest again as well as his back providing some comfort in the middle of the ordeal.
Another wet cough brought up small chunks of food mixing with the mess inside the bowl.
Lee Know scooted away from the toilet for a while, allowing Chan to flush it and get rid of the unsettling sight. He grabbed a few napkins to clean Lee Know's mouth and pulled the poor sick boy into his embrace so he could try to relax for a bit.
- I'm sorry hyung...
- You don't need to apologize.
- But I took over your room and now I can't even let you sleep...
- It's not your fault, Minho-yah. You had no idea you'd get food poisoning.
- What about the others?
- I made sure they'd stay away from the bathroom and my room, at least for now. I know you don't like much attention when you're sick.
- Thanks...I feel dizzy...
- It's because of the fever. Let me check your temperature again.
Chan took the thermometer from the cabinet and put it under Lee Know's arm.
- 39.1°C. It spiked.
It was obvious his fever got higher, he was looking red as a tomato, even his breathing felt hot, and despite wearing sweatpants and a hoodie he couldn't stop shivering.
- Minho-yah. Do you wanna take another shower? Or do you think you can stomach a fever reducer? If we don't get your temperature down, we'll have to go to the hospital.
As if on cue, Lee Know's stomach shot up what felt like it was the last of its contents barely giving him time to reach the toilet bowl, thankfully Chan helped him, otherwise he'd soil his clothes. The older boy gave him a glass of water so he could rinse his mouth and helped him brush his teeth.
- Thanks hyung...
- So, what do you wanna do?
- I don't wanna take another shower...my skin hurts every time something touches me.
- Then we'll try the pill again. Let's go back to the bedroom.
Chan offered a hand but Lee Know was far too exhausted to get up on his own, let alone walk.
- Come here, hyung will help you.
He put his arms under Lee Know's and carefully helped him to his feet but his legs almost instantly gave up on him.
- I'll carry you, okay?
- hmm.
Lee Know was in no state to protest, and honestly, he didn't want to. His hyung's presence and touch helped him more than Chan could imagine.
Chan hugged Lee Know and gently lifted him, one arm around his waist and the other around his legs. The image of a father carrying a son, that's how one would describe it.
He walked slowly to the bedroom, being extremely careful to not upset Lee Know's stomach, which seemed to have calmed down for a while.
He settled Lee Know on the bed and looked for a clean shirt and hoodie.
- Let's get you changed up. You sweat too much, your clothes are soaked.
Chan helped Lee know out of his hoodie and shirt and before putting on the clean ones, he wiped Lee Know's upper body, then helped him put on the new set.
- Can we take the medication now?
- Hmm
- Here, take one antiemetic and wait for a bit. Then take the fever reducer and another antiemetic.
Lee Know hesitantly took the pills from Chan's hand and contemplated for a bit, clearly afraid of vomiting again. He didn't want that, his whole body hurt because of the strain and the fever, and his throat was hurting as well, to the point his voice was raspy.
- Trust hyung, okay? You can keep it down, I know you can.
Chan reassured grabbing Lee Know's hand and started rubbing circular patterns.
Just like before, the first sip of water with the pill made him gag, but he managed to take everything.
Both he and Chan stayed sitting on the bed, waiting until Lee Know felt safe enough to lie down.
- How are you feeling? Still nauseous?
- just a bit...
- Do you wanna lay down?
- Yeah.
He lay down and Chan covered him, then lay down on the mattress next to the bed.
- Hyung...
He heard a soft whiny voice coming from above, it was Lee Know standing out his hand, after moving to the edge of the bed.
- What is it?
- Can you hold my hand?
- Of course.
Chan grabbed Lee Know's hand and just held it until he fell asleep. But he didn't let go, he knew Lee Know needed that, so he found a way of sleeping while holding his hand.
Thankfully, the medication seemed to have worked, at least for the night, because Lee Know slept until morning without any other incidents during the night.
When Chan woke up the first thing he did was check Lee Know's temperature.
- 38°C. It went down a bit, thank god.
He said quietly. Since Lee Know was in deep sleep, Chan quietly left the room to get breakfast and see the other kids.
- Good morning, hyung.
- Good morning kinds.
- How's Lee Know-hyung?
- He's still asleep. He managed to keep a few pills down yesterday, so his fever went down a bit, but it's still high.
- And you, hyung? How are you doing?
- I'm okay. He's got food poisoning, so I think we are all in the clear.
- Aren't you tired? We know you. We know you didn't get enough sleep.
- I'm doing good, kids. Don't worry about me. My concern now is getting Lee Know better.
Chan said walking to the kitchen to prepare something for him and a soup or some toast for Lee Know.
When he got back to the bedroom he found Lee Know sitting on the bed but still covered with the blanket, eyes puffy and face still red.
- Good morning.
- Good morning hyung...
Lee Know answered, voice raspy and weak, signs of a rough night.
- How are you feeling?
- Tired...
- And your stomach?
- A little nauseous but not that much...and a bit hungry.
- I made you some food. Wanna give it a try? There's soup and some toast.
- Can I try both?
- Sure, but don't force it. Take as long as you need. Want me to turn on the TV?
- Yeah.
Just like the previous night, Chan stayed in the bedroom with Lee Know as the boy slowly ate his meal. He then took the medications again and sunk into the bed, falling asleep almost immediately.
Chan left the room one more time and was met with six kids demanding him to rest. They knew Chan always took care of them, no matter what and he wouldn't say anything even if he was too tired.
- Hyung. You need to rest as well. We'll take turns.
- Thanks kids.
Chan said opening his arms to give all of them a big hug.
With that settled, Jisung was the first one to stay with Lee Know, the sick boy accepted cuddles from him and they helped him stay calm and asleep.
And just like they said, everyone took turns to stay with Lee Know and help him whenever he got sick the following days. They were some tiring 5 days for all of them, with Lee Know vomiting a few times during the day and night and his fever refusing to go lower than 37.5°C.
When the ordeal was over, they were all tired but relieved to see their dancer back to full health. Lee Know being one to not show his weak side to many, had to let go of his pride in order to get better, and deep inside he was grateful to all of them, especially his only hyung.
35 notes · View notes
Text
Keith can play the electric guitar, and shiro can play the drums, and Adam was an exceptional vocalist. Before everything went to shit shiro and Keith used to joke about how they would form a family band if the whole space thing didn't work out.
When shiro left, Adam encouraged Keith to keep playing as a hobby. When shiro went missing, Keiths passion for it staggered, but he continued playing because he wanted to show shiro how much better he'd gotten when he would come back- because shiro was going to come back. He had too
When Adam passed away, Keith gave up entirely. Maybe it was out of spite. Maybe he didn't see any point in practising anymore. Maybe the memory of better days was just too painful to revisit. Keith couldn't give you a reason. He'd really given up on all his hobbies and interests. Anything that wasn't directly needed to help him find shiro wasn't worth the effort.
He knew shiro would hate that. But shiro was the one who left. So did he really have any say in how Keith chose to ruin his nights finding him? Keith didn't think he did.
But its years later now and theyve all found their way back to earth, ready for one last mission before the end of the line comes into sight. Keith walks into his room for the first time in years to find shiro already sitting on his bed.
Hands cradling the dust covered guitar. The strings were britle from years of sitting in a corner and its once pristine glossy red finish had been replaced by the dulling of sun damage.
If the instrument could speak, it would curse him to the ends of the earth for abandoning it the same way he was abandoned - and Keith would let it.
Still, shiro smiles at him, handing over the guitar to his brother. "You still play?" He asks as if he doesn't already know the answer.
Keith feels like he's a kid again. He doesn't want to disappoint but he doesn't want to lie either. "Not really"
Shiro gets up to uncover all the old equipment from under the sheets. Keith can see the dust partials flying in the sunbeam that's shining through the blinds. He watches shrio plug everything in, the lights on the tuner take a while to flicker on but they get their eventually.
Keith remembered how he'd kept shiros drumsticks even though Adam had thrown out his drum set one night in a fit or rage. He'd cried all night after that, Keith remembered trying to comfort him to no avail. Little hands trying to wipe away the endless pools of tears that streamed down Adams face. He doesn't like thinking about it.
He walks over to his bedside drawer. It takes a bit of strength to wriggle the old thing open, but when he does, he's pleased to see they're still there. Shiros favourite pair of purple drumsticks. Adams favourite colour. Keith remembered, and he knows shiro can't forget.
"Aha!" Shrio cheers, and Keith is pulled back into the present. When he turns around, he finds shiro standing over the equipment. Overly satisfied with himself for still remembering how to set it up. "Still got it," he says, brushing his shoulder. Keith can't help but chuckle.
Keith holds up the drumsticks and he loves the way shiros face lights up ."Oh my god! you kept them?!" He cheers.
"Theyre all I could manage to hide from adam" Keith replies as shiro takes them out of his hand. He did not mean for it to sound as miserable as it came out.
Shrio smiles ever so softly as he turns them over in his hands. "It's okay," he says. Keith knows exactly what he's thinking about. it's an odd feeling to be able to know someone this well.
Shiro takes in a sharp breath before looking back up at keith. That excited spark finds its way back into his eyes as he pushes the guitar into Keith's chest. "Your turn." he smirks, patting him on the shoulder. "Show me what you've got"
Keith stands there for a moment like a deer in headlights. It's been years since he's even held the guitar in his hands. He's not sure if he's "got" anything left.
"Shiro I don't-"
"Oh come on!! I'm sure you've still got it just give it a try"
It's an even worse feeling being known this well. Keith doesn't know what to do with it.
He carefully slings the strap over his head. He's sure the dust will leave a mark on his jacket.
"Okay, but don't laugh if I suck." he points his pick at shiro, who holds up a finger to his lips in response, but Keith can already see the laugh creeping up on his face
Keith readjusts the guitar to try and get a better grip. Something doesn't feel right. He fiddles around with it a little longer. He holds up the pick and strums a few chords, but they don't sound right. He tries to tune them, strums the chords again, readjust the strap again-
"You need to try Keith," shiro finally says. "You won't know if you can play if you don't even try"
Keith looks back at his brother. It's been nearly a decade since he last heard shiro say that. He prays to any higher power that will listen to not let his eyes give away how those words make him feel now. He doesn't think anyone is listening.
Keith takes in the deepest breath before holding the guitar again. He tries to smile. "Okay, any requests?"
Shrio taps his chin in thought, "How about Bowie?" He recommends "life on Mars? Or maybe rebel rebel? You used to love those songs"
"I might remember rebel rebel," he says mostly to himself. He strums a few chords trying to remember the riff of the songs. It takes a few attempts, but he gets it eventually.
Keith hums the lyrics he doesn't remember and the ones he does he attempts to sing
Rebel rebel, you've torn your dress
Rebel rebel, your face is a mess
Shiro joins in the chours. Well- he certainly makes an attempt
Rebel rebel, how could they know?
Hot tramp! I love you so!
Somewhere between the awful singing and questionable guitar playing, keith finds himself lost in the music. His head rocks back and forth, and he's sure his hair is a mess but he feels like he's floating. He feels like he's 14 again. He feels like they're back in shiros garage on a hot summer day and the sound of drumsticks beating on his desk turns into drums actually being played, and Adams is about to walk through the door any moment now and grab the mic.
When the song finally ends, keith finds himself laughing in excitement. When he opens his eyes again, the drums have turned back into a desk, and the mic is nowhere to be found, but Keith is still smiling. He's got it.
He's still got it
"See" Shrio cheers, pulling Keith out of his head the for second time that afternoon "I told you"
"That was awesome," Keith says, pushing his hair out of his face as he pulls the guitar off. He wants to hug it and tell it he's sorry for leaving. Shiro will think he's lost his mind, but it's totally worth it.
When he looks back at shiro, he's giving him the fondest smile. Keith suddenly feels a knot forming his stomach, he's only seen shiro make that face twice his whole life. Once when Keith got his fighter pilot rank at the garrison and second when he was selected for the kerberos mission.
He opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it again and suddenly slings his arm around Keith's neck, pulling him down to ruffle his hair even further. Keith tries to protest, but every word just comes out as a laugh. "Look at you," shrio says amidst their play fight. "When did you get this cool, huh?"
Keith finally manages to pull away, stumbling a little before finding his balance again. "I've always been this cool," he retorts, trying to card his fingers through his hair. "You just refused to notice it before"
"Nope no I'm pretty sure this is a recent development" shiro mocks,
Keith rolls his eyes but the smile his still apparent on his lips "whatever" he says, crossing his arms over his chest
He's thrown slightly off balance again when shiro throws his arm around his shoulders. But this time, he only gently pulls him into a side hug as they walk out of the room. "Well, at least we still know one thing for sure"
"And whats that" Keith asks walking in tow
Shiro shrugs, one hand around his brother the other in his pocket "if this space thing doesn't work out, we've still got the band" he winks
Keith shakes his head laughing "and are we taking audtions for a new vocalist?"
"No need to, I've already got someone in mind" shiro replies "have you heard lance sing?"
"Lance can sing???"
"Oh that boy was built for a stage"
32 notes · View notes
Text
Ugly-Cry
Azul and his past. An odd relationship indeed.
Notes: Angst with a happy ending or hurt/comfort, restrictive ed implication, azul-typical issues.
When had it started, Azul's effort to better himself? He remembered the day crystal clear. He was ten, and he'd finally been pushed to his limit.
A group photo in his class. He'd been the odd one out, of course. Fatter than the rest - teary-eyed, awkward, clumsy, dumb. Nothing to respect.
It had all been pointed out by his classmates, of course. In the end he'd even been removed from the photo.
"I'm sorry, but you're just a bit of an eyesore," his teacher had said. "You must understand."
He did. All too well, in fact, for people had been telling him that for years. He was unwelcome and no one wanted him around. That was really the core message.
That day was the day his humiliated sobs had begun to emanate rage. He'd show them. He'd be more desirable than any of them ever could.
It was from that day that he'd begun to spend his days studying in the library, learning all sorts of magic. He'd learned more about business.
Then, Azul realized that no matter how intelligent he was, his hideousness would forever make him seem undesirable. He was fat, and his expressiveness was a pain. Not to mention the tears of ink.
He'd stopped eating as much. Calories were precious, each and every one to be counted. Junk food wasn't a luxury that someone as fat as him could afford.
He stopped crying, too. Tears were for the beautiful. For those with doe eyes, whose cheeks shimmered in the light when they cried as their friends rushed to comfort them. He had no such friends. He was never meant to have any, after all. Only business partners.
His efforts paid off. He met Jade and Floyd, made contracts to steal talents so he could pretend to be strong, and went to Night Raven College. There, he became a housewarden. He was feared and revered alike for his talents. Azul even managed to open his own restaurant. Lovely.
But then, in Sophomore year, his contracts had been destroyed. Nothing left but the pathetic little octopus now. He'd overblotted in his desperation. How risible.
Afterwards, his whole world seemed to crumble. He wanted nothing more than to sob, to kick and scream his, frustrations. But he couldn't. No one cared. All he had were business partners. Even then the twins would leave him someday, and then he'd be all alone.
So, he did what anyone would do. He buried himself in work. Little to eat, little sleep, just work. Perhaps if he did this enough he could forget about his irrational urges.
One day, in the midst of his work, Azul heard a knock.
"Come in," he said absentmindedly.
The door opened, before being locked.
There stood Jade, a polite smile on his face. Could he tell how Azul was on the verge of a breakdown? Hopefully not.
"You know," Jade said. "You've been quite cooped up in your office."
Azul just nodded.
"Yes, well, this paperwork won't fill itself out, will it?" He said with a fake laugh that was tinged with desperation.
Silence. After a while, Jade's expression seemed to soften.
"Azul," he said pointedly. "If you have pent-up emotions, it would be prudent to express them. We've both seen what happens when you don't."
And that's all it took for the dam to break. Azul could no longer hold back his misery, his tears.
He could feel a bit of ink built up. So Azul was still an ugly-crier, it seemed. That just made him even more miserable, more teary.
"A-Apologies, Jade." Azul wanted to say something else, but it was cut off by his tears.
Then, then, something happened that Azul would've never expected.
A hand on his head. It wasn't applying any force, but it was there, and it was comforting.
Someone had taken pity on the little octopus. How odd.
"I-I just-" he sniffled out before he could help himself. "Why can't I b-be enough?"
Azul was a fool. An absolute fool for exposing himself like this at the first sign of care.
Still, he'd scold himself later. For now, well, this felt good. Someone cared.
Jade seemed silent, though Azul could vaguely make out a murmured 'you are'.
As he slowly drifted to sleep, he couldn't help but think that all this was going to be less difficult from now on.
24 notes · View notes
the-cult-of-riley · 2 days
Text
Sleeping With Ghosts (Act Two: Chapter Three)
Tumblr media
Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Female OC
[[Masterlist]]
A/N:
Man, I’ve been feeling like shit lmao
My b12 anaemia has been kicking my ass and I’m not even joking. I went to see Greg Puciato on the 10th and I legit spent the whole first two starting bands throwing up and almost passing out, with zero alcohol consumed. I thought I was gonna die but refused to go home ‘cause no way was I missing Greg loooool I pushed through and it was the best show I’ve ever been to, even if I felt on the verge of death. I also picked up some germs ‘cause now I feel like I’ve got the flu and I haven't even got over whatever I was dealing with before.
I don’t know why my brain has been really struggling with this chapter. I have so much of Act Two mapped out but it's mostly the action and the fun and the angsty bits and the making up and all that. The little in-between parts to get there haven't been written and my brain really wasn't playing ball. Sorry for any typos, It's currently 2 am here and I've literally just finished writing and quickly editing it lol
In the name of our Lord and Saviour, Simon Riley, I beseech you to strike the writer curse from my weary body and allow me to continue feeding my hungry children with Ghostly content.
Tumblr media
The last wisps of sleep were still clinging onto Charlotte’s consciousness when she felt her bed dip and the covers rustle and move. Her eyes blinked open slowly, her brain trying to comprehend the shit show that had become her life. For a brief moment, she thought she was back home, dying under the weight of grief and raising a child alone. But then she realised this wasn't her bed, these weren’t her bedroom walls and her husband wasn't dead. She still felt that grief though, it wouldn't shake even if he was breathing and now she had a heaping scoop of betrayal to go along with it. She rolled over to the source of what woke her up to see Beth beside her, giving her a cheeky smile.
“Good morning, mummy,” she murmured tiredly, scooting closer and wrapping herself around Charlotte like a snake. It made all of her tension seep from her body, even if only for a moment. She loved these moments in the morning with her daughter. They made her feel like she was glued back together briefly. 
“Good morning, pickle,” she smiled softly and Beth made a disgruntled noise like she always did at the nickname. They didn't need words as they cuddled together as they both woke up and Charlotte tried to will some backbone to leave the room at some point. 
They’d need breakfast and she hoped Simon wouldn't be in the mess hall. She wasn't sure how Beth was supposed to bond with him when she wanted him nowhere near her. She knew she needed to suck it up for Beth’s sake and Simon was lucky she’d do anything for their daughter. 
“Did you have a good sleep?” Charlotte asked, her fingers stroking through Beth’s unruly curls. The girl shot her a bright smile with a nod.
“I did. I’m excited to go and see daddy at breakfast! Can we go yet?” she asked eagerly and Charlotte tried to stop her stomach from tying itself in knots. 
“Let's get dressed then,” she flashed her best fake smile and Beth giggled, rushing to get out of bed as Lottie sat up and rubbed her eyes.
“Can we match, mummy?” Beth asked hopefully and Charlotte nodded.
“You pick what you want us to wear,” she instructed, watching with a fond smile as Beth rummaged around in the bag, pulling some things out and leaving them strewn about the place. 
She picked out two matching hoodies that had Placebo across the chest. Hers was real merch but they didn't make kids stuff so she’d wound up using fabric paint to replicate it on a kids hoodie. She picked out black leggings to match too. They both got dressed in their matching attire, boots to finish off the look and Charlotte really didn't feel like making much of an effort with her hair with how she was feeling so she threw it up into a high pony. Naturally, Beth gave her a look and was only placated once she also had a high ponytail that looked nothing like Charlotte with her blonde curls.
If she thought she felt nauseous on the way to the mess hall, it was nothing compared to how she felt when they strolled in, hand in hand. It felt like everyone’s eyes turned to the two civilians on base and she knew she wasn't imagining how they all murmured to each other. Maybe word travelled fast. 
One pair of eyes in particular felt like they burned her right down to her bones and she glanced over to the table housing the 141, seeing those deep brown hues staring right at her. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her and she looked away quickly, ushering Beth to the food. She grabbed two trays, feeling guilty that Beth was babbling about something but she was struggling to pay attention. She scooped some scrambled eggs onto the plates and some bacon. She was just scooping some beans too when someone approached. 
“Well then, who’s this wee pretty lass?” 
Charlotte turned to see Johnny standing there, a smile that she could only compare to sunshine on a rainy day as he peered down at Beth. she clung to Mr Snuffles tightly, blinking up at the man.
“I’m Beth,” she answered sweetly and Charlotte watched as Johnny crouched to be closer to her height.
“What a beautiful name,” he grinned and Beth beamed at him.
“What's your name?” she asked curiously.
“I’m Johnny but people call me Soap,” he answered and Beth giggled.
“That's a silly name!” 
Johnny snorted with a nod.
“Aye, it is, but it's mine and I love it. We need to get you a call sign, aye?” he asked and Beth toddled closer to him, eyes wide as she nodded.
“Yes please, Mr Soap,” she clapped her hands excitedly and Charlotte didn't miss how she was drawing attention. 
“Alright., let’s think…” Johnny rubbed his chin, making a show of thinking and it made Beth giggle again.
“Do ye have a nickname already? We could use that,” he suggested and Beth pulled a face.
“Mummy calls me pickle sometimes,” she muttered gloomily and Johnny chuckled.
“Nah, we don't want a name like pickle, do we?” he asked her, pulling the same face she had and it made her laugh.
“What kinda things do ye like?” he asked her thoughtfully and Beth’s face lit up.
“I like Halloween and spooky things. Ghosts, skellingtons and pumpkins. I like monsters,” she made fake claws with her hands and growled at him. 
Being the good sport he was, Johnny yelped dramatically, falling on his ass and Charlotte couldn't help the grin on her face as she watched the pair, Beth laughing brightly at him. She was quickly warming up to the man. 
“I have the perfect name for ye, and it kinda goes with yer daddy’s” he announced, looking pleased with himself and Beth was practically bouncing on the spot.
“What is it?” she asked eagerly.
“Spook,” he declared with a flourish and Beth’s eyes were almost sparkling. 
“I love it!” she beamed, dancing about a little, the bunny in her hands getting thrown about in the process.
“Awesome!” Johnny grinned, holding his hand up to her and she slapped him a high-five harder than he expected if his wince was anything to go by. 
He stood back up, a slight groan leaving his lips as he back popped. 
“Now that's settled, let's eat, aye?” he smiled, turning to look at Charlotte as he gave her a warm grin that had her smiling back at him.
“Alright?” he asked her and she nodded, feeling somewhat better by his soothing presence. He seemed happy with her answer, clapping her gently on the back before he swiped Beth’s tray so Charlotte didn't have to carry two. 
Beth was happily chatting to him as the three of them made their way over to the table. Price was at the head of the table to the right, the bench along the back housing a man she didn't know with a cap on his head and a calming smile aimed at her. She smiled back nervously and looked away, her hands tightening over the tray. There was an empty spot beside the man and Johnny plonked into it, not before putting Beth's tray on the other side of the bench which was empty. On the head of the table to the left was Simon, whose eyes were glued to her. Beth’s tray was placed beside him and that left the spot between Beth and Price open for her. 
She noticed two of the men who were there at her outburst the day before weren't here but she was glad. It was bad enough being around just this small group, especially because she’d spilled her heart out in front of them. Worst of all was Simon though and the only respite she got from his burning gaze was when Beth climbed up on the bench, having to sit on her knees to reach her tray as she beamed a blinding grin at him and his eyes now went to his daughter.
“Good morning, daddy,” she smiled up at him. Charlotte wished to tear her eyes away and yet she couldn't, seeing his dark eyes peering out of his mask at Beth, all soft and gooey. It was the same look she had herself when her daughter was being sweet. 
“Mornin’, lovie,” he murmured quietly and Charlotte swallowed thickly. 
“So! Introductions since this spooky bastard won’t be makin’ ‘em,” Johnny started with a smirk and Beth gasped, slapping one hand over her mouth, the other pointing accusingly at the Scot, making him go silent.
“You swore!” she exclaimed and the whole table went quiet as they watched her. Charlotte bit her lip to stifle a laugh as Johnny blinked at her for a moment before he let out a laugh.
“Aye, I did, I’m sorry, lass,” he murmured with a grin and Beth raised a sassy brow at him.
“You owe me a pound now,” she held her hand out expectantly and Charlotte watched the Scot look to the girl's hand before back at her face.
“I owe ye?” he asked slowly and Beth nodded.
“We have a swear jar and every time mummy swears she puts a pound in and then I get to spend it,” she flashed her teeth in a toothy grin and Johnny’s lips quirked upwards as he glanced to Charlotte and then back to Beth.
“Well, I don’t have a quid on me right now, but I’ll owe ye one, aye?” he asked and Beth sighed with a nod.
“So, ye already know the Captain and this creepy fu- fool…” he trailed off after curtly cutting his words so he didn't owe even more money to the mini Riley. He slapped Simon on the shoulder and Lottie watched carefully as his dark eyes slid to Johnny, mild amusement and annoyance shining behind them. But when those eyes slid back to her, she felt like a lightning bolt struck her right in the chest and she looked away quickly, picking at her eggs. 
“This one is Kyle Garrick, also known as Gaz,” Johnny finished as he gestured to the only man on the table she hadn’t met yet.
“Nice to meet you Mr Gaz,” Beth smiled sweetly at him. The man smiled, a soft look on his face.
“Nice to meet you too,” he replied politely, his eyes turning to Charlotte then.
“You too, Mrs Riley,” he smiled and her hand tightened around her fork.
“Charlotte’s fine,” she muttered tensely and she could practically feel Simon’s eyes burning into her.
“And all you fuc- idiots know Charlotte and Beth, now also known as Spook,” Johnny gestured to the little girl with a flourish and she grinned, making a spooky noise while she wiggled her fingers.
“You gave her a callsign?” Simon asked and Charlotte couldn't decipher his tone. It was so detached, different to what she was used to with him.
“Course I did. She loves spooky shi- stuff, so it felt right. You like it, aye, Spook?” he asked her and she giggled, nodding her head.
“I love it,” she answered happily before she turned her deep brown eyes to her father.
“Do you like it, daddy?” she asked, her eyes hopeful and wide as she stared at him. He just watched her for a moment and Lottie was starting to think he wouldn't answer her.
“I do. Suits you,” he answered, reaching out slowly and stroking her head softly. Her smile widened as she leaned into his touch and Charlotte felt a burning in her chest. 
“We need a call sign for Charlotte then,” Gaz commented, a thoughtful look on his face.
“Grim,” Simon answered before anyone could suggest a thing. Had he shot her in the chest? It felt like it. So many memories flooded her system, memories of a happier time, of a time where he hadn’t betrayed her trust, hadn’t lied to her, hadn’t hurt her. 
“Aye, that's good. Ghost, Spook and Grim, a proper family,” Johnny snorted gleefully
“What can I say? I like a good theme,” Simon answered dryly but she heard the amusement and it sparked an annoyance in her. 
Five years he’d been gone, five years he’d fucked off, only to live in their old base. Was he here every day eating with his friends and cracking jokes like she wasn't at home raising a child alone and drowning in grief? Did he really care that little that he hadn't even checked in with her once? Didn't have anyone look into where she might be, what she was doing? Would he have even bothered to come back if he knew Beth existed? Would he have come back for her? Did he like it here without her? 
She pushed her tray away from her, a vile feeling creeping into her chest like an infection that was spewing puss. She didn't want to be here.
“Mummy, your breakfast,” Beth murmured, looking up at her carefully.
“I’m not hungry anymore, sweetie,” she replied but her voice felt far away, floating out of reach. 
It felt like her eyes weren't seeing, she couldn't get out of her own head. She suddenly felt warm leather on her cheek and with a start, she realised Simon had reached over Beth to cup her cheek, turning her to look at him with pure worry in his gaze. She jerked her head from his grasp like he’d burned her and his arm dropped back down. She didn't miss the pure anguish in his eyes. She needed to get out of here, she couldn't break down in front of everyone, not in front of Beth.
“How about I give ye that tour we were talkin’ about?” Johnny asked her with a grin but there was something on his face that touched her, soothed her spiralling. He’d never offered her a tour, he was giving her an out and in that moment, she knew Johnny meant his promise from the night before. 
“Sounds good,” she forced a smile and Beth grasped her arm.
“Mummy… could I stay here with daddy?” she asked with a smile and Lottie hated the pain that lanced through her chest. 
It shouldn't hurt her that she wanted to spend time with her dad, she’d only just met him and they had a lot of lost time to make up for. Yet she couldn't help the burning jealousy that hit her out of nowhere. He hadn't been here, it wasn't fair that he got to covet her and she got left in the dust.
“That's fine,” she answered, trying her best to keep herself in check until she left. She stood up quickly, not looking at anyone and not really bothering to think about manners to the other men at the table as she rushed out of the mess hall and outside. 
Johnny was right behind her, hand on her back as he led her to a bench. She crumbled onto it, resting her face in her hands. She didn't want to cry, not again. She was sick of it. She wished she could just pretend it didn't bother her what he did. That she could just be happy he was here, happy he was alive. She couldn't shake the feeling of abandonment though. That the one person who swore he’d never do that to her had done it without care. It hurt so much that she felt she might die.
“It's alright, love,” Johnny murmured sympathetically as he rubbed her back. 
“I just… he’s been here this whole time while I’ve been suffering ,” she lamented, feeling like her sanity was slipping through her fingers. 
“I know… I know, lass. I wish I had the words to make this all better. Ye didn’t deserve to go through all this,” he sighed sadly, his hand still rubbing her back. Silence settled over them for a moment as she fought the deep urge to cry, sitting there staring out at nothing as she wondered how it all came to this.
“Ye wanna blow some shit up?” Johnny asked out of the blue. Her eyes darted to him, wondering if he actually meant what he said and he gave her a roguish grin that told her he did indeed mean it.
“Okay,” she nodded with a sniffle. Johnny’s grin widened, a gleeful laugh leaving his lips as he jumped from the bench, grabbing her hand and yanking her with him. He all but dragged her through the base to get to the demolitions section where training was held. 
Tumblr media
Ghost sat stiffly, watching as Charlotte rushed from the mess hall, his best mate in tow like a little puppy at her feet. He couldn’t get that haunted look she had out of his fucking head. She looked so lost, adrift at sea with no anchor to tether her to the world. He’d been that anchor once and now he was the cause of her spiralling. He’d wanted to be her anchor again and his touch had brought her back, but it wasn't the reaction he was hoping for. 
Having her pull away from him like that was more painful than the gunshot wound to his collarbone last year. The fleeting contact he’d had with her filled his dead heart up with so much warmth before it was snuffed out like it was never there to begin with and he cursed himself for wearing his fucking gloves. He just wanted to be okay with her again, wanted her to accept his touch, wanted to fall into her arms and have her make everything okay again. 
It wasn't okay though, it hadn't been for a while and this was his doing. He wasn't sure he’d ever be able to fix it and having Johnny be the one glued to her side was like salt in his wounds. He knew it was a good thing, Johnny would try and get her back on his side like the good best mate he was, yet it still stung. Hurt like a bitch when he saw her embracing Johnny while she refused his touch so viciously. How easy she’d fallen into Johnny’s arms, how desperate for comfort she was. It hurt. It really fucking hurt . 
He was brought out of his depressing musings by a tug on his hoodie and he glanced down, remembering the little girl sat next to him. Her brown eyes were blinking up at him carefully, tilting her head like she was sizing him up. She was so beautiful.
“Daddy?” she asked him, her voice soft and sweet, wrapping him up like a warm blanket.
“Yeah, lovie?” he asked quietly. It was like no one else existed in that moment but her. She nibbled her lower lip as she shifted where she sat for a moment, looking deep in thought. 
“Can we do something?” She gave him a hopeful smile and despite looking so much like him, he saw Lottie in that smile and he wasn't sure if that eased the ache in his heart or made it worse. 
“What do you wanna do?” he asked, unsure what four year olds liked to do and even if that was possible on a military base. Her eyes seemed to light up as she flashed him a bright grin.
“I know!” she shuffled off her seat, moving to stand as she grabbed his hand and tugged on it impatiently. He stood, seeming to tower over her and she refused to let go of his hand as she started pulling him along. He couldn't hear Gaz’s witty remark but he heard Price chuckle at them both as he left. 
He allowed her to lead him until they got outside and she kept pulling him until they moved over to the patch of grass that ran along the gates near the car park. She let go of his hand and he watched curiously as she plonked herself down without a care. She looked up at him expectantly and his lips tugged up slightly as he moved to sit on the grass with her. 
“Daisies are really pretty,” she murmured happily as she started picking them. He’d never really noticed them before but now she’d drawn attention to them, he noticed they were scattered all over the grass. 
He had no idea what to say, couldn't remember how to act around kids, it had been far too long. Part of his brain tried to remember how he’d interacted with Joseph but that was far too painful and he shoved it away quickly. He wanted to bond with her but he really had no clue how, so he just watched her. 
She picked a bunch of daisies, her tongue poking out of her mouth a little in pure concentration as she started fiddling with them. He couldn't really tell what she was doing with them but after a few moments, she grinned triumphantly and put a flower crown on her head.
“What do you think, daddy?” she asked him sweetly and he melted into a puddle looking at her. The sun shone down on her and he wondered for a moment if he was dead and she was in fact an angel. 
“Perfect, love,” he murmured, his throat feeling tight and uncomfortable and he had to clear his throat to ease the sensation. 
Her smile widened even more and his chest felt like it was expanding. She picked a bunch more and he was helpless, could do little else but watch this little part of himself as she busied herself with the flowers. He still hadn’t fully wrapped his head around the fact he was a father now. 
He’d been so ready for it back then, when he’d left for the last time. He’d been so excited to get back to Lottie and start a family. He’d been excited to watch the bump grow, to watch Charlotte glow as she carried their baby, looked forward to the scans and all the milestones. Looked forward to holding a tiny bundle of his own, much like he had when Joseph was born. 
He didn't have any of that though and it was all his own fault. He’d missed out on the most precious moments of Beth’s life because he was a coward. He’d never be able to get those moments back, he couldn't undo what he’d done. Knowing all the things he’d missed made him wish he had died back in Mexico. It would be a relief from feeling what he was currently feeling. 
He flinched with a blink when something touched him, rousing him from his thoughts. Beth was standing in front of him now, a cheeky grin on her face as she put a crown of his own on his head over his balaclava. He felt a rush of warmth flowing through him and he really didn't give a toss who saw him wearing it. She’d made him something and he wished he could keep it forever, wished it wouldn’t wilt away. 
“Thank you, sweetheart,” he smiled softly even though she couldn't see it. It was like she could sense it or maybe she was perceptive for her age and picked up on the scrunching of his eyes because she beamed at him, such a radiant smile he wanted to burn to a crisp from it. 
“You're welcome,” she smiled, kissing his cheek over his mask before she moved away. 
He was overwhelmed, too many thoughts and feelings running rampant in him and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it. An explosion across base felt like it shook the floor and Beth jumped up, a worried look on her face that had a protective streak surge through him. He steadied her with his hands and she settled closer to him, plopping into his lap as if she’d done it a million times before.
“What was that?” she asked with big eyes, looking towards where the noise came from.
“It's just the demo practice. Its where they learn about bombs and things,” he explained, hoping to ease her worries. It seemed to work as she relaxed into him more. 
“So, it's not bad?” she asked him, blinking her pretty eyes at him.
“It's not bad. You don't have to worry, lovie, I won’t let anythin’ bad happen to you,” he meant those words wholeheartedly. He’d burn the entire world down with everyone on it to keep her safe. 
Another explosion happened and this time Beth seemed fine, pressed into his chest as she sat on his knee. While he wasn't worried as the noises were coming from the demo area, he was sure there weren't any classes or training today. It wasn't uncommon for Johnny to go and play around a bit, the only one to get away with it as the demolitions expert and being one of the 141. Was Lottie with him? Was it them making all this racket?
His eyes drifted back to Beth then, happily sitting on him with their matching flower crowns. He wanted to know more about her, all the things he’d already know if he’d have been around. 
“You wanna play a game?” he asked her and she grinned up at him.
“What kinda game?” she asked him excitedly. 
“We ask each other questions to find out more about each other,” he suggested and there was a mischievous twinkle in her brown eyes. 
“I already know everything about you. Mummy told me,” she beamed, sounding more than proud of herself. He felt like someone just gutted him, sliced him right open and let his insides splat onto the floor. He pushed it away though and tried to ignore it. Of course Lottie told her everything. 
“How about you tell me stuff about you, then?” he asked her hopefully and she clapped her hands excitedly. 
“My full name is Elizabeth Anne Riley,” she started. No, he hadn't been gutted before, he was now though. The pain that ricocheted through him tore through skin, muscle and bone. He bit down on his lower lip hard behind his mask, drawing blood. The sensation grounded him though as he nodded, trying not to look too upset. 
“That's a lovely name,” he muttered, voice strained and choked. Her smile turned softer then, blinking up at him and she leaned into him more.
“It's a special name. Mummy told me I was named after special people,” she murmured. His chest felt so tight that he felt like he couldn't breathe. Without thinking about it, a hand came to stroke her hair and he found the feeling soothing to him, easing that ravaging ache in his chest. 
“I’m four but I’m five in two weeks,” she held her hand out, wiggling her fingers at him to demonstrate her point and he felt his lips tug up a little at her excitement. 
“My favourite colour is…” she trailed off, tilting her head with that thoughtful look on her face again. “Black. I like black ‘cause it's all spooky,” she flashed him a toothy grin and he melted once again. 
“Mummy’s sketty is my favourite meal but I also love when she does eggy bread on my birthday,” she beamed up at him and he swallowed thickly, still stroking her hair as he nodded.
“They’re my favourites too,” he replied hoarsely and she gave him a cheeky look.
“I know,” she giggled and he made him smile. 
Without warning, she hopped off his lap, his hand suddenly cold now it was no longer stroking her hair but she flopped down next to him, laying down and making her crown fall a little onto the grass.
“Lay down,” little one was bossy and he knew he had no choice so he obeyed. He held onto his flower crown as he shuffled around before laying on his back beside her. He moved his hand back to his side even though he was sure the crown had slipped off into the grass anyway,
“Do you like clouds, daddy?” she asked him softly. He turned his head to look at her and she was laying there, staring at the sky. 
“Never really thought about it,” he replied honestly. She turned to look at him then, scrunching her face up with the most judgmental look he’d ever been given.
“Look at the clouds. Sometimes they look like things,” she murmured.
“I’ve seen that sometimes. Once I saw a cloud that looked like a co-... clock,” he muttered, shaking his head as he changed his words. Wouldn’t bode well for him as his first day being a dad coming out with that. 
He still remembered that day though, in the sweltering heat of Al Mazra in the middle of a mission. Wasn’t every day you see a cloud shaped like a fucking dick in the sky and he’d have thought he was hallucinating due to the heat if it wasn’t for Johnny seeing it too. The Scot had said it was the best thing he’d ever witnessed in his entire life. When Soap had got Price to look, the shape had changed and the old man was sure they were off their rockers. 
“Look at that one, it kinda looks like a bird doing this,” she pointed at a big cloud before she started flapping her arms around weirdly and he shook his head fondly before he looked back up at the clouds. He just watched them go by for a moment, enjoying the peace he felt. Something he wasn't sure he’d felt in a long while.
“That one kinda looks like a bum,” he murmured, pointing to a cloud.
“Daddy!” Beth burst out laughing, smacking his arm and he found himself laughing. Actually genuinely laughing and not the half arsed chuckled Johnny would draw out of him with a bad joke. It was an odd feeling to laugh like that, he was sure he hadn't done it since before he’d left for that mission, the one that ruined his life. It made him feel lighter.
“You can’t tell me it doesn't,” he huffed playfully and she laughed again.
“... It does, but you're still silly,” she snorted, making his whole body light up. 
She was so precious and he wasn't sure just how to handle it. He was sad things with Charlotte were so bad and he didn't want to think about how the hell he was supposed to fix that mess, but being able to spend time with Beth and bond with her meant the world to him. He could focus on Beth for now, one thing at a time. He’d build his family back up from the ground, brick by brick. He’d done it before, back with his brother and his mum and he could do it again. It’d be painful and probably take a while but he wouldn't waver, wouldn't give up. Not when he had the whole world in the palm of his hand. He couldn't give that up for anything.
25 notes · View notes
thewebcomicsreview · 14 hours
Note
hey, just wanted to say thanks for the rec for Cat Girl. it is the best kind of extremely uncomfortable! but it's got me musing on your note about the relevance of the cat girl element itself. I agree that it is depicting an abusive relationship, but it's clear that Peter is completely incapable of perceiving that that's what it is, because he's so far down a deeply screwed hole of ideology. (continued in a sec, hang on-)
- so Peter is the way he is because he has accepted a series of small explanations for the things in his life as seeming accurate, that has stacked up into a deeply dysfunctional worldview that he's too deep into to question at all. so I think the Literal Government Issued Cat Girl is very much a metaphor for a society-level case of "you don't question your own idea of normal". rather than address the root of the problem, a wildly unethical bandaid has been slapped on it. in other words; Peter doesn't question that his ideas are correct, when they're obviously very skewed. but the society that gave him Andi doesn't question that it is normal for people to get this twisted up in an effort to make sense of the world. of COURSE there are internet chuds, people like Peter existing is "normal". and in the process of just accepting that some people are unsalvageable, innocent people like Andi get hurt, and that's just "normal" too. Peter isn't unfixable. it's clear he could be better, WANTS to be better, because he is straight up miserable. but he doesn't consciously know that, or how to start. the decision that some people are just fundamentally screwed up and there's nothing anyone can do about it doesn't just hurt him, it lets him hurt the people around him. Andi is, metaphorically, everyone else being tossed under the bus alongside Peter by the simple act of treating him like he's just inherently a shitty person.
Man, this is a long ask! If I were the author of Cat Girl, I'd be honored to see someone spend so much time thinking about it. But I don't think I agree, exactly.
Tumblr media
Peter wants to "be a good person", yes, but his understanding of what a "good person" is is completely self-centered. Him calling Andi "Yua" while talking over her trying to explain that she does in fact have a name is obviously establishing him as a douche, but it's also worth noting that "Yua" is a Japanese name. He's thinking of her as an anime waifu and not a person (or, given the first results when I google "Yua", a porn star, but maybe it's a Breath of Fire 2 reference)
Tumblr media
And while he falls into depressive self-loathing after she complains about not having a change of clothes, his internal monologue is entirely about himself. At no point, ever, does Peter even consider that Andi has feelings or is anything other than a reflection on him.
Tumblr media
When he locks her in a closet, his most overtly abusive act, he starts crying because he feels bad about what a bad person he is, but even while he's crying he's simultaneously blocking the door, which is a very literal depiction of their relationship. His angsting about being a good person is not his way out of the problem, it is the problem. He never even once considers being nice to Andi because she'll like it, it's entirely "I don't want to force her to have sex with me (because that would make me feel bad), but maybe if I'm nice to her she'll initiate the sex". And he doesn't even care about the sex itself, just the implicit validation of being Confirmed Good By A Girl.
Peter is the way he is because his morality is entirely self-centered. Andi is a way for him to prove his morality to himself (well, try to and fail), not an actual person whose feelings he's ever considered except for if she hates him or not. That's what makes him such an interesting villain, he keeps concocting a story in his head where he's the poor sweet babu trying his best and never stops doing that to let his girlfriend out of the closet.
33 notes · View notes
sugarcoatednightshade · 4 months
Text
thinking about how Humans Are Space Orcs stories always talk about how indestructible humans are, our endurance, our ability to withstand common poisons, etc. and thats all well and good, its really fun to read, but it gets repetitive after a while because we aren't all like that.
And that got me thinking about why this trope is so common in the first place, and the conclusion I came to is actually kind of obvious if you think about it. Not everyone is allowed to go into space. This is true now, with the number of physical restrictions placed on astronauts (including height limits), but I imagine it's just as strict in some imaginary future where humans are first coming into contact with alien species. Because in that case there will definitely be military personnel alongside any possible diplomatic parties.
And I imagine that all interactions aliens have ever had up until this point have been with trained personnel. Even basic military troops conform to this standard, to some degree. So aliens meet us and they're shocked and horrified to discover that we have no obvious weaknesses, we're all either crazy smart or crazy strong (still always a little crazy, academia and war will do that to you), and not only that but we like, literally all the same height so there's no way to tell any of us apart.
And Humans Are Death Worlders stories spread throughout the galaxy. Years or decades or centuries of interspecies suspicion and hostilities preventing any alien from setting foot/claw/limb/appendage/etc. on Earth until slowly more beings are allowed to come through. And not just diplomats who keep to government buildings, but tourists. Exchange students. Temporary visitors granted permission to go wherever they please, so they go out in search of 'real terran culture' and what do they find?
Humans with innate heart defects that prevent them from drinking caffeine. Humans with chronic pain and chronic fatigue who lack the boundless endurance humans are supposedly famous for. Humans too tall or too short or too fat to be allowed into space. Humans who are so scared of the world they need to take pills just to function. Humans with IBS who can't stand spicy foods, capsaicin really is poison to them. Lactose intolerance and celiac disease, my god all the autoimmune disorders out there, humans who struggle to function because their own bodies fight them. Humans who bruise easily and take too long to heal. Humans who sustained one too many concussions and now struggle to talk and read and write. Humans who've had strokes. Humans who were born unable to talk or hear or speak, and humans who through some accident lost that ability later.
Aliens visit Earth, and do you know what they find? Humanity, in all its wholeness.
1K notes · View notes
carnivalcarrion · 9 months
Text
Tumblr media
something something a supernova of heartbreak in a cold unforgiving universe etc
149 notes · View notes
alackofghosts · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
they're so silly 🥹
60 notes · View notes
redheadarcher · 8 months
Text
I'LL BE DOING AN UNFOLLOWING SPREE !
i want to follow & write with every single one of my mutuals but. i’ve come to realize that i’m following a lot of people who just… don’t seem too interested in writing with me. people who never send memes or like starter/plotting calls or never interact with my posts in any way and after a while it does gets a little bit boring to be the only one trying. this is a two way street so if you’ve never showed interest in start anything i’ll most likely unfollow because i’m here to write & develop stuff, not to be just a number.
that said—IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN STILL BEING MUTUALS / WRITE WITH ME, GIVE A LIKE ON THIS POST ! otherwise i’ll mostly likely unfollow. if i unfollow you but you still wanna write, i’m more than okay with following you again
70 notes · View notes
a-s-levynn · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media
"I'll tear the fibre from the filament / I'll be the limit of your light again" A Series of Small Offerings - II/7 - day15
32 notes · View notes
kindahoping4forever · 2 months
Note
Dear Crystal,
I come to you in this moment of crisis and joy, hoping my words won't bother you or make you feel pressured, but I really hope all this new (endearing, loving, heartfelt) new content inspires in you some words of that (precious, gorgeous, funny) man in fic form.
It's beyond my understanding why all of the sudden I'm writing to you like I'm a victorian lady in distress (perhaps because I am, and I have been on the verge of tears since he posted earlier today), but alas.
With love,
Ana.
Dearest Ana,
I am ever grateful for your correspondence and I hear your plea. I pray it brings you joy to know that I could never deny any blessings the artful muses choose to bestow upon me should they grace me with their presence. I appreciate your steadfast encouragement despite my recently regretful absence as a litterateur. It is my hope better, more fruitful days are ahead in regards to this matter.
Until we meet again (likely at the next summoning of our most favored yet fiendish gentleman bard),
Crystal
7 notes · View notes
ardate · 5 months
Text
.
#just me rambling#badvibe#god. i feel so let down by my friends these days#it's been a billion things piling up for many many weeks#and right now i just got told by a friend with whom I was supposed to go to a convention that she forgot I was coming#so she won't be able to pick me up cuz she's going with her mom instead#we made plans for visiting that city in the morning before going to the convention and all.#i put it down in my agenda and moved plans around to accomodate for it. but she straight up...#entirely forgot i was supposed to be there#she forgot about me#and i'm SO. FUCKING DONE. ABOUT BEING AN AFTERTHOUGHT ALL THE FUCKING TIME#this is just too fucking much. between this and my childhood friend who acts distant w me ever since there was a dumbass quiproquo#where i have to fucking work hard everytime at creating a good atmosphere whenever we see each other cuz she wont put in that effort#and another friend who's been utterly ignoring me on purpose for some fucking goddamn reason i don't know why or what i did#ignoring me or being rude other times#all of those are just examples but its been so many things#i have been. SO fucking patient with everyone. ive helped them so many times too- sometimes to my own loss#i've been so kind and understanding despite my personal struggles - keeping my feelings of anger and injustice at bay#and i get what in response? i'm fucking. forgotten i guess. pushed aside. treated like a nuisance#i feel like its at the point where the closer they are to me the less effort they put in. cuz i'm a given now. they can treat me like shit#they treat strangers better than their close friend cuz they know i'll just take it. or smth. i'm a punching ball for bad moods#i'm done being the understanding one. what about that. what if others were the ones having to come to me and be kind instead#what if i was the one people coddled and offered sympathy to for once in my fucking life#idk. just fucking explode#i feel so disrespected. and uncared for#and so deeply unloved#i'm done. i'm done#the convention thing was just the fucking hammer to break my back after everything#i'm so deeply heartbroken#do i matter to the people i care about
9 notes · View notes