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di-kutla · 3 years

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Ahhh! I've been reading your tags on Tech specific posts and I agree!

He is the emotional rock and anchor for the boys and, as much as it would hurt, I do want to see him break. That would be such a sharp contrast to everything we have seen from him, and I want to know how his brothers would react to their most emotionally reserved (distant?) brother.

And I fully agree with your idea of him being an insomniac. I've headcanoned that his brain is almost too active for his own good, and it won't rest - so sleep is either fleeting or near impossible for Tech.

And I FULLY agree with the desire to see Wrecker reconcile with his brothers over what happened in Battle Scars. He choked Tech, and almost killed Hunter, but we only see him apologize to Omega? I was a little frustrated that we didn't see him get to talk to his brothers about that situation, as the brothers relationship is the most important part of the show to me. I don't know but... ah, I think I'm frustrated that we only really got to see how Omega reacted to that whole situation? The episode focused on her, when I was desperate to see how Tech would respond to his big brother choking him - especially since I see Tech as almost unable to process one of his brothers hurting him? And to see how Hunter was feeling after Wrecker almost killed him, but ugh, that's :/

Anyways, just wanted to say that I love seeing your tags about Tech!

honestly i think at this point its a necessity for Tech to finally just. break, and i just hope its in this overly exaggerated way! i want there to be emphasis that Tech has never reached this point before, he has always been able to keep himself under control no matter how exhausted or stressed hes been before. I want the emotional breakdown to crash through him so hard and fast that it leaves him so devastatingly exhausted that he cant even stand on his own and Hunter and Wrecker have to run to catch him from falling. I want Tech's breaking to break them. and really i think more than anything i want Tech's final breaking point to be just. something, ANYTHING relating to Crosshair.

i completely understand why they would keep all the focus on Omega, and show the importance of Wrecker apologizing to her and explaining that he tried. she's not a soldier, this was never the life that she was meant for. she was never trained for this and is so unaccustomed to the terror and the violence that could possibly follow. though she was raised around soldiers, she was kept pretty sheltered, i think. whereas, this is the life that the batch is used to, what they were born for and trained for. so i get the distinction and the importance of Wrecker apologizing to her

but still the FRUSTRATION of not getting the same with Hunter and Tech bc, like you said, these are his brothers, these are two people who he was raised with, trained with, theyve been through everything together. they are his team, his family. Wrecker would never hurt them, and they would never in their life think that Wrecker could hurt them, but now its happened! even if it was bc of the inhibitor chip a line has still been crossed. even if it wasnt Wrecker's fault, there still had to have been a shift in trust and awareness on Hunter and Tech's side of things

and that needs to be addressed! it needs to be rectified! there needs to be a clear understanding of "you didn't mean to do this, and i don't blame you, but it still happened and we still need to work through the aftermath. things have changed, but we can get past it and come out on top" and frankly if i am not given this then i will have to do it my damn self!!

#carif answers #wwheeljack #tech #wrecker #the bad batch #i just. AGH #let me see the consequences for actions taken #let me see the reconciliation!!#give me the horror and the shame and the emotional conversations that are almost too hard to have but NEED to be had!!!#give me the not broken but fractured trust and then show me that despite the difficult things and the hardships that trust is still there!!#and at its very foundations is unshakable no matter what happens!!!#except apparently if you are crosshair bc then one (1) specific bespectacled brother just throws everything out the window then #i just. god. GOD #honestly ive been debating it and i think i might start a fic series that just. addresses these sort of things i guess??#like i have a few ideas like wrecker apologizing to tech #and also rex and echo actually talking about fives #just stuff happening between scenes or between eps that i wish would have gotten addressed or talked about deeper #cause theres just. THERES A LOT #ANYWAY god sorry i went on a rant dksjf;a #thank you for the ask and im really happy youve been enjoying my tech tags i just. i love him very much and i have a lot of thoughts!!#also sorry this took me a hot minute to get to ive been slammed with work and prepping to move #and wait okay one more thought really i think it would really be more hunter and tech trying to brush off what happened #even echo would probably shrug it off bc wrecker did say that he tried to fight it #but still just the amount of shame wrecker would be feeling for it regardless #i think there really would be this interesting distinction to be explored of like....... knowing there is a line #between who you are and what the chip is making you do #but in that moment that line is just so blurred and everything just kind of bleeds together the longer the chip stays activated #and even after the chip deactivates or is removed its still just. hard to distinguish if who you were before and after the chip #were really two separate people at all #i. this may be a scene and conversation that i want to write between tech and cross bc i just. i have a lot of thoughts about them frankly

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miss-choco-chips · 3 years

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Favorite color

Ever since he was born, his world was filled with colors, a beautiful rainbow at his fingers. He’d look down at them at night, or when his parent’s leaving made him want to cry, or when a horror story told by a classmate in the playground scared him half to death, and find comfort in their silky touch and bright hues.

He was seven when he learned the meaning behind them. And the blaring lack of red signaled the first, but not last, heartbreak of his life.

Blue, green, purple, black… and bright yellow. A teacher, a missed opportunity, a first love, life and death… and friendship. No eternal love for Tim, it seemed.

Well. He hadn’t really expected any different. Who would love him forever, when his own parents didn’t?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He had forgotten it, and it escaped his notice for many years. Until one night, following Dick Grayson as he jumped from rooftop to rooftop, when he noticed his purple string moving in synch with him. Pointing towards his hero, the boy who had given him his very first hug that night at the circus. His First Love, his Not Meant to Be.

That night, Tim packed up early and went home. He just couldn’t stand the red uniform contrasting sharply with his purple thread.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Dick left, he thought maybe now he could go back to his old habits, to run the streets looking for flashes of the new robin without the baggage of avoiding to look at his own hand.

No such luck.

The green made a whole lot of sense when news of Jason’s death reached him, tough.

It wouldn't be the last night he’d cry himself to sleep, holding the frayed ends of his fated Almost.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Becoming Robin was both easy and painful. Comfortable, because the blue string pointing him towards Bruce meant this was always supposed to happen; heartbreaking, because it took a kid dying. Because Tim might not have a romantic soul mate, but his hands, that had made a green string break to grant him access to the blue path, were stained red nonetheless.

Wearing Robin’s red, with all the hurt and bad memories it carried, felt like a subpar punishment.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Meeting his Yellows almost passed his awareness. In the middle of a crisis, every adult missing, no mentor to guide him, he couldn’t exactly spare a thought for the kids looking shellshocked at him, each other and their hands.

After, when Young Justice was officially formed, he firmly avoided looking at Bart, Superboy and Wondergirl. Their eyes followed him, pleading, but he’d learned no good ever came from strings that weren’t red.

And the red in his soul wasn’t from love.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Despite himself and his best efforts, they grew closer. Life or death situations had that effect on people, after all.

His own reluctance, which had in turn provoqued Kon’s anger, Bart’s dejection and Cassie’s confusion, slowly began to crumble. He was helpless in the face of their unrelenting friendship.

The strings grew shinier, stronger, healthier, the yellow a stark contrast to frayed (dead) green, cold blue, distant purple. Scary black.

Tim still despised the rainbow in his fingers, but… he could maybe withstand the sparks of yellow he’d catch from the corner of his eye, knowing just who were at the other end.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It wasn’t exactly team training. Greta, Anita, Cissie, Slobo and the others didn’t join them, for whatever reason. It was always the four of them, leaning on and learning from each other.

When Kon’s strength frustrated him, when the world around him seemed to be made of bubbles and sea foam, Tim stayed late at night every weekend to help. Every spare moment directed towards coaching him, again and again, through exercises he had to come by himself (Clark was no big help, here), until exhaustion made his muscles tremble and Kon’s anger had burned out from frustration to soft acceptance that he just wasn’t like the rest. Until he could hold still and let Superboy trace the side of his jaw with a careful finger, and exchange proud little smiles when his face remained unbroken.

Bart being raised by video games had the expected outcome; he had little to no practical, day to day life knowledge. He was the closest living thing to a Looney Toon. Which was fun and good when crime fighting, his crazy ideas often saved their ass last minute, but unacceptable if integrating him into society was to be considered. So Tim would take him out, hand in hand so he didn’t forget himself and ran on his own, to leisurely stroll down busy streets, arcades, schools, libraries. Talk to people in parks and visit recreational centers, barter with street vendors and ask the little boy selling flowers on Jump Street how his mother is doing. Whatever Tim could think of that would soften Bart’s cultural shock.

In that regard, Cassie was a godsend. With her own attentive mentor, and raised like a normal girl until she obtained her powers, she was the most well balanced member on their team. Tim had started to feel a little restless (how can he help her, how can he convince her to stay…), when he noticed her frustrated, sad face whenever Donna was mentioned on Tv, when any reporter or older hero compared the two Wonder Girls. Familiar as he was with imposter syndrome, Tim would rest his arm around her shoulders and turn to the rest of the team, loudly reminding everyone to ‘speed up guys, Cassie here’s already done with her training routine’ or slump tiredly against her while complaining about ‘how immature they are, I can’t deal, thank God you’re here to remind me competent people do exist’.

It was familiar, to help them along. To nudge them forward and watch their backs as they went, firmly making their way towards being the awesome men and woman he knew they’d become. Lending a hand here and there, working on steading their foundations, so he’d be remembered fondly when they inevitably took off and went on with their lives.

He was used to that, to looking for ways his fated people would want him around. Being a good brother to Dick, an eager student to Bruce (a good mourner for Jason).

What he wasn’t used to was reciprocation, though.

Tim had learned how to fly from the best, from Dick Grayson himself.The boy with no powers that looked at gravity and laughed, sayed “thanks, but no”. But there were some things only a true meta could experience, ways to move his body just so, to take advantage of wind currents to either speed or slow his movements. Kon also visited him in Gotham, unknowing or uncaring about its meta restriction, risking pissing off Batman himself just to spend time with Tim.

There was Bart, kind, cute, friendly Bart, who would stop eating and playing around to drag Tim to the training grounds and run laps around him, as silently as he knew how. Making Tim used to fighting against someone quicker than him, lighter on their feet. To count incredibly soft steps even when they made no sound, and use other senses to pinpoint exactly where the next hit was going to come from. And after they were done, there was always a warm smile and some sweet treat (always different, as if Bart was determined to figure out Tim’s preferences by trial and mistake), the new knowledge and delicious prize worth the dirt in unmentionable places.

As stated before, Cassie was an absolute godsend. But it wasn’t just because she was easier to deal with than the rest. Or because she understood the pressure he had on his shoulders, being raised in the shadow of two incredibly renowned heroes. When Tim’s position as leader had been taken away (after Bruce’s plans for taking out the league became known, and ‘what if he has the same for us’), she took him aside. Hugging him, promising him the team’s anger was going to pass, that she could see why those contingencies might be necessary, that even if she was officially in charge, she’d always defer to him when it mattered. Her trust in him and his heart was unshakable, firm as the arm he’d put round her when self doubt arose its head.

(It wasn’t supposed to be this way; if they reciprocated, they didn’t owe him, and then how was he supposed to keep them close? To convince him to stay, to love the boy with loveless fate?)

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Jason was unexpected, but Tim couldn’t hold it against him. Even there, bleeding out in the Tower, he felt… at ease.

His predecessor was back. Bruce’s son was back. The prodigal Robin had returned, by some miracle. Tim’s shift had come to an end; even if he died here, he had succeeded in keeping Bruce sane, and now that the real deal was in town, Jason could take over and everything would go back as it should have been. Everyone (B, Dick, Babs, Alfred) would be happier. Maybe they’d mourn him, for a bit, but with such a joyous occasion as a beloved one returning home, it wasn’t like grief could stay for long.

Someone yelled, near. Warm hands shaking as they touched his face infinitely careful, small fingers intertwined with his in a very familiar hold, a strong and slender arm around his back as he’s being held in a half hug. Cries, pleas, demands.

And while nothingness claims Tim, drags him to a well of black, yellow still clings to his eyelids. A touch that keeps him warm even though unconsciousness is supposed to be so cold.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Death and life. Damian.

Tim can see the first one, what with all of the brat’s attempts to end him. It’s the second one that has him stumped.

He knows not all strings go both ways. His purple one, for example; even if Dick was Tim’s first love, everyone and their mother knew Babs’ was his. Dick had a string pointing towards Tim, but it was a mentor-student one. Same as the one he and Bruce shared. Jason, too; Tim’s side of the string was the green of Almost, while the former Robin’s color was black (Tim taking his place as Robin, and being the only one in the family offering his hand again and again despite his murderous actions, was in some poetic sense the death of an old role, and the birth of a new family dynamic).

Damian, though… Well. He was almost sure they had the same color for each other (how else to explain such dangerous rage), but really, unless the kid was willing to share, it was only suppositions for now.

His only comfort remained the three beams of light, of a yellow almost golden in its healthy shine.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Tim changed his suit following Conner’s death, everyone thought it was an homenage. A way to pay tribute to a hero that was his closest, dearest friend. A way to never forget (as if he could, ever, with the lifeless line of pale beige, once yellow, dangling from his twitching finger).

They weren’t wrong, but it wasn’t just that.

Red had always pained him, in a deep, almost forgotten place. A thorn on his side, scratching against his heart. For the longest part, yellow had filled him to the brim, until hurt and yearning had no place inside him. With Kon’s warmth missing, red bleed in the place between Cassie and Bart, despite their best efforts to close ranks and keep it out.

Their sad eyes followed him during the funeral, knowing what the color meant to him. Just how much he was hurting himself, right now. But, lost in their own grief, there was little to be done.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

By the time Tim got the call about Bart, he already knew.

He ignored the ringing phone, holding a sobbing Cassie in his arms, both desperately clutching at their only remaining yellow string.

Between the two of them, color like blood seeped.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Every so often, when Ra’s voice in his ear became too familiar for comfort, where lines draw in sand begane to erode and blur, he’d raise his hand, eyes locked on the three yellow strings, and watch as Cassie’s moved, disappearing end pointing always in her direction.

He was fairly sure that, wherever she was, she was doing the same. Reminding herself he was alive as well, hadn’t left her behind.

Her absence from his life was necessary, finding Bruce a priority, and the red of his new suit (his new name) was proof of just how deeply it all ran. But it didn’t mean he wasn’t yearning for her lighter color.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They were back, and he was hiding.

He wanted to run to their arms, hug them and never let them out of his view, far from where he could protect them (keep them). He wanted Kon’s hand on his face, delicate despite his strength, un-trembling when Tim’s own would softly join it on his check and held it there; Bart’s fingers between his own, too steady and constant for the boy who didn’t know how to sit still; Cassie’s arm on his waist, his own on her back, as they shared the weight of the world in their shoulders.

And because he wanted so damn much, he couldn’t do it.

He was covered in red. His first love discarded him, his Almost died so Tim could have his Teacher, his Life and Death was so heavily focused on the last bit… his hands lacked red, but oh, how much he leaked of it in his soul.

He couldn’t let them die again, be stained by his twisted fate; even if it meant he could’t hold them close any longer.

Letting go was more painful than holding on, but he was used to it by now.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They find him. Of course they do; even without Kon’s senses, they all have beams of gold pointing them towards him, like Dorothy’s yellow brick road.

Tim knew it, was ready for it. And as such, had prepared the words that would push them away, to where it was safer.

Or so he thought.

“We are not leaving you.”

“Who cares about fate? You are ours, Rob.”

“It’s been long enough, Tim. Time to come home, we are done waiting.”

He denies them, shakes despite his usual iron clad control over his body, heart wrenching painfully at their decided expressions.

“You don’t understand. I’m Red Robin now. I’m not… I’m no good for you.”

“I could literally snap your back with the flick of a finger, shut up with that ‘I’m dangerous’ bullshit.”

“Yeah, even Bart could be dangerous given the right circumstances, you aren’t the only one here to watch for. It doesn’t mean shit to us.”

‘

“That’s right, I- wait, what do you mean ‘even Bart?”

“Not the point, Imp.”

They don’t get it. He takes his mask off, wants to give them a good look at his eyes, to read his emotions there and finally realize what’s wrong about him.

“Almost all my strings have something to do with death, or were touched by it. Don’t you see it?” He raises his hand, despite knowing they can’t see his strings, only their own. “I have no red here, only blood. I can’t… I’m not safe to love. I’ll never be loved.”

Kon snaps, something he had rarely done since their Young Justice days, hands on Tim’s shoulders, seemingly torn between shaking him and pulling him close. The latter wins.

(As it always does)

“This is love, you idiot! WE love you!”

Tim chokes on something (saliva, his own breath, emotions). Gasps, tears coming to his eyes unbridled.

He feels two pairs of arms joining the first one, a cocoon of warmth and unconditional love forming around him.

Bart’s sad eyes watch Tim from under Kon’s hug. “I don’t have red either, Rob. Romantic, platonic, filial… who gives a fuck”, he shrugs, before hiding his face against the red of Tim’s uniform. Uncaring of all it represents for him or perhaps doing his best to defy it.

Cassie just holds them all in the circle of her own embrace, forehead to the back of Tim’s head. Her hold is the tightest, and he just realizes- she lost all of them, didn’t she? To death and grief, all too far to touch, and now that they’re back in her arms, there’s little chance of her ever letting go again.

“Love has more than one form, Tim.”

He shudders in the middle of this weirdly emotional dog pile, and thinks. About Bruce and Dick’s pride when they successfully taught him something new. Of Jason’s reluctant smile when Tim first tugged him along to some joined patrol, sneakily edging him closer to the family with every interaction. Of Damian, who would often look down at his own hands (and Tim would honestly kill someone to know just which color the young boy had for Tim) and then at him, with something like hope in his green eyes.

He thinks… yeah. And this one…

(He gives up, closing his eyes and snuggling deeper into Kon’s chest, knees buckling but staying up thanks to his three rays of sunlight holding him in place between them.)

This one’s shape might just be his favorite.

#my writting #core disaster week #day two #Red string of fate #tim drake #kon el kent #bart allen #cassie sandsmark #bruce wayne #dick grayson #damian wayne #jason todd #angst #you've been warned

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mclegibilist · 3 years

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Typification Enforces Anti-Inductivity in the Game of Authenticity

Epistemic Status: Broad strokes of common gameplay.

Why is being authentic "hard"? Why is it something you have to try at?

Personally, I believe that being "authentic" is fundamentally a matter of being understood. I've seen people twist themselves into knots about how if you were a true Scotsman then you would just be able to be yourself, but I can't really see how we'd have much acquaintance with such people: eventually their notions of authenticity would butt-up against some societal norm and they would be pushed out. Most of the arguments I've heard against this seem to implicitly rely on an unawakened power of unparalleled proportions that being authentic gives you. I think this confuses authenticity and self-knowledge, and most people who we encounter with good self-knowledge are pragmatic enough to (a) know how to talk to other people in their native emotional language (b) never, ever say that they're always manipulating and restructuring their messages in order to get the most significant bits across and risk seeming inauthentic.

A lot of people who struggle with finding their authentic self tend to reach for intrinsic explanations for why authenticity is a hard problem, usually along the lines of "You've become estranged from yourself while trying to please other people, so you need to rediscover who you really are." As @in-stenography has pointed out before, we should be a bit skeptical about what it is we're discovering, and if we have any method of distinguishing between discovering and inventing.

So, take on my premise for a moment or stop reading here: authenticity is mostly invented personae, meant to incept elements of one's own self-image in the minds of others.

Why is that a hard problem?

Don't worry, I won't go full Robin Hanson on you, it's obvious why this is hard! There's no easy way to enforce honest signaling for lots of attributes people want to lay claim to like "honest" or "sexually experienced", "punctual" is a bit easier and consequently feels trivial.

Yet, we do traverse social landscapes and I would argue, on average, we do so very effectively. The average person in my broad social circles can almost immediately get across a persona, that may later come into question, but which is usually supported by initial markers or surrogates for the kinds of things we actually care about.

Sometimes, though, someone manages to feel "fresh" without (looking like they're) trying too hard. They, through pure interaction, describe a character they are that doesn't make you bucket them immediately. You get to know them, and you're amazed to find that they are, at least partially, who they say they are and begin the true exploration of friendship and actually getting to know each other.

Why can't everyone do this?

The answer is in "typification", terminology that @spilledreality introduced me to, which originates from Alfred Schütz, the philosopher and social phenomenologist. I will not use this term exactly as he did; I believe it is a basic pillar of knowledge logistics that we must make our references nods, but rely only on our presented definitions. Call this "portable foundations"—I don't want to rely on experts' interpretations of other people's definitions, I want to rely on what I can explain to you in our shared context.

Typification, as I define it, is an inherent property of cognition and expressible knowledge, basically that definitions are inherently categories. The best way to understand is to take literally any statement and see why it relies on typification, so I just took a random sentence from a random CNN article:

A North Port Police spokesperson declined to comment on the report.

What is "North Port Police"? It's a kind of bureaucratic body, we assume has certain properties because of the other similar bodies we are familiar with. We can go look it up, and we'll understand it as an entity of certain overlapping types: an employer, an arm of the executive branch, etc.

What does it mean to "comment on"—we can understand that there is some kind of message indicated by this action, but it goes much deeper. When people "comment" on things they generally have something to say about its fitness, or about some salient property that's meaningful to a the present crowd. And because the subject is a government body, that crowd is assumed to be the public.

All of this information is transferred by our understanding of "types of things"—types of entities, types of actions, types of properties. Maybe this seems obvious, but consider the opposite: what if we had some basic properties and we could mix them in any proportion like a color palette? Certainly we think some parts of the universe are like this, e.g. physical color. Yet we tend to refer to colors by types, e.g., red, yellow, mauve, maroon, etc. We tend to understand things through types, and language's focus on reusable categories is both a cause and a byproduct of this fact.

When person A discovers a way to present themselves authentically, every person who sees a little bit of themselves in the expression A managed to thread through the gravitational fields of the present-at-hand types will immediately engage in the most natural human process: memetic analysis for mimetic execution. By picking apart A's presentation of themselves, different people will carve out different collections of behavior and aspects of A's self-presentation and retool them to explain themselves. This is the origin of memes.

When B, C, D, and all the way to Z do this, a wave will ripple through the local social ecosystem that causes new types to arrive, likely centering around the most easy-to-understand elements of A's new style which many of the new behavioral memes will have in common. When that happens, A's presentation will either seem less fresh, if these spin-offs capture much of A's implicit message...or will seem fresh in a ghostly and subtle way because they failed to capture it.

Eitherway, the interplay, driven by human mimesis and memetic networks, will eventually cause A's original expression lines to go stale. It doesn't go stale because it's wrong, it might be that no one ever successfully replicates A's style. But it will still go stale because the message gets distorted by the change in the communication protocol that the gravitational pull of new types causes. The expressive range may remain unchanged, but saying the same thing will require different words. And just as often, old messages become impossible to express, often due to unshakeable connotations parasitic on some original meme.

This is nothing more than anti-inductivity: authenticity is a game where (i) you reveal your strategy by playing and (ii) others can use this information for themselves, in a way that actively competes with your goals. Just because your goal was "to express yourself" doesn't mean you weren't competing with other people. Quite the opposite: your unique idea has to fight to convince people it's meaningfully unique, and the kicker is it often isn't unique as much as you want it to be, but you've still got to express positivity towards your product along the axes people understand.

Every time a new type of guy drops, someone loses their current medium for expressing themself authentically.

#anti-inductivity #authenticity #type of guy

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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How the Cyberpunk 2077 Soundtrack Found Its Dystopian Sound in a Soviet-Era Synthesizer

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CD Projekt Red’s Cyberpunk 2077 is arguably the the biggest video game release of 2020, transporting players to a gritty sci-fi world full of bio-augmented criminals and lowlives. True to its name, the game explores some pretty deep concepts about cyberspace and what life might be like in a futuristic transhuman society where technological advancements have turned us less human and more machine. So it’s no surprise that the game’s score often sounds like something recovered from the year 2077 and brought back to our time. At its very best, the soundtrack elevates this grim dystopia.

In the wake of Cyberpunk 2077‘s massive launch, Den of Geek spoke with the trio of composers behind the game’s score: Marcin Przybylowicz (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt), P.T. Adamczyk (Gwent: The Witcher Card Game), and Paul Leonard-Morgan (Dredd). The three composers discussed the soundtrack’s conception and revealed the unconventional methods they used to create the score’s unique, ominous sound.

The Cyberpunk 2077 Original Score, which contains two discs-worth of the game’s enormous pool of music, is available now to buy and stream. As players have discovered in the week since the game’s launch, the score isn’t exactly the pulsating, adrenaline-fueled synth barrage some might be expecting from a cyberpunk title. It’s largely ambient, with ominous layers of otherworldly bass bellows, tribal beats that sound both futuristic and primal, and melancholic wades through placid synth soundscapes. There are definitely bangers on the tracklist, but what stands out is that many of the pieces almost feel introspective.

“You’re dealing with a complex story, and there’s [a vast] number of characters in Cyberpunk,” Adamczyk explains. “Finding a theme or an idea or a motif and being confident in it…that’s really difficult because there are so many different things happening in the story, and you could score it a thousand different ways. And they all would be good enough. But the question remains, ‘What is the essence?’”

Przybylowicz was the first of the three composers to start work on the score for Cyberpunk 2077 very early in the game’s production. In laying the foundations for what the game’s music would sound like (the elusive “essence” Adamczyk speaks of), he set out to create something unique, though he was also committed to honoring the source material that the game is steeped in.

“We were trying to find out how our take on Cyberpunk would differ from other bits of culture,” says Marcin of the initial creative process. “We must never forget that our game is not a game that is simply set in a yberpunk universe. Our game is Cyberpunk 2077, which means that it’s based on a very well described and very lore-heavy, already existing universe, Cyberpunk 2020 by Mike Pondsmith. So that means there is a ton of source material, tons of creative work that has already been done before. So we needed to reach out to these books and see if we could pinpoint anything that would remain useful for us after we move the events from 2020 to 2077. Then we started to formulate how that would translate to the game’s sonic palette.”

The original tabletop game paints a picture of an alternate future in which corruption reigns and oppressive megacorporations wage war on each other, as the denizens of gang-infested, urban sprawls like Night City struggle to survive on the streets. Humans and machines intertwine via cybernetic enhancements, and this unholy merging of flesh and technology is represented vividly in the game’s score, which often employs the use of synth that sounds both metallic and organic.

The majority of electronic music is created from a widely-available database of preset sounds built into a computer or synth. To create Cyberpunk 2077’s unique sonic identity, the composers eschewed convention and took a more experimental approach, using a slew of odd machines to create bespoke sounds that give the score its ethereal edge.

“What we’ve done is ridiculous,” Leonard-Morgan explains. “It hasn’t been done before. We’ve composed with virtually no software at all. It’s all external gear. So it’s all weird and wacky synthesizers, all weird modular synths, always stuff which you then had to record the audio and process that around. You can never recreate the sounds again.”

The trio used rare, long out-of-production machines, took their already unique built-in sounds, and manipulated them further to compose the game’s music. The result is a tapestry of interconnected compositions that have a dark, Frankenstein’s-monster bizarreness to them, and one of the most prominent and peculiar synths you’ll hear in the mix has a curious background of its own.

“P.T. and I own our own Soviet-made Polivokses. Mine’s from 1982,” Przybylowicz says. “My Polivoks still has a price tag: 800 Rubles, which is, I think by today’s standards, 10 bucks. It’s a duophonic synthesizer similar to the Moog Sub 37, which is a very famous duophonic unit. I heard a story that during the Cold War, blueprints [of the Moog Sub 37] were stolen by Soviet agents in order to obtain something that they could copy [to build their own synthesizer]. Supposedly they were trying to make an exact copy, but you know, something always goes wrong on the production lines–they ended up with a machine that is truly, remarkably ugly-sounding. Yet still sounds like nothing else.”

Games

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Another strange machine in the trio’s fleet of synths is the Folktek Mescaline, an infernal-looking mess of jet-black panels, spiraling bronze detailing, and a scattered arrangement of inputs, knobs, buttons, and switches. It looks so intimidating and unapproachable that it’s no wonder the trio harnessed its power in their compositions.

“All three of us own Folktek Mescalines,” Przybylowicz says. “It’s a small modular system that allows you to basically do anything. It doesn’t come with a very good manual. It doesn’t feature keyboards. It doesn’t feature any self-explanatory indications of what’s doing what. So it’s all based on experimentation.”

Adamczyk elaborates, “You can’t really decide, ‘I’m just going to play an A minor chord’ on a Mescaline. Getting an A minor chord is a real pain in the ass because you have to pretty much tune the machine to that specific chord. You have to try to find your way with these instruments and try to somehow find a musical way of using them. Half of the time, you have no idea what you’re doing.”

The game boasts around eight hours of music that, amazingly, is virtually all in the key of A minor to allow the different compositions to flow seamlessly in and out of each other as the player transitions between different encounters and scenarios.

“Games are like living organisms,” Przybylowicz explains. “It’s dependent on the player’s actions, even if we’re talking about the most linear scripted games. Ours obviously is nothing like that. It’s a full-fledged, open-world RPG with multiple branching lines in the narrative arc. So obviously it’s even more difficult [to compose for], but I think in a sense it’s almost liberating to work on a thing that changes so many times during even a single playthrough, you know?”

Cyberpunk 2077 had fans practically salivating in the days leading to its release date. It’s not only the next chapter of a long-beloved sci-fi franchise, but CD Projekt RED’s follow-up to the all-time classic The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, which is, to put it mildly, a tough act to follow. The composers feel the magnitude of the moment, though they remain unshakable, confident in the work they’ve put forward.

“Working on a game of such a big scale, ambition and quality and fan base…I think it naturally adds to the pressure,” says Przybylowicz. “So the bigger the hype gets, the bigger the expectations are getting, and the bigger the pressure gets. I think it’s at least in some parts a natural process of this profession, when you get to work on a project of this reputation.”

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

“It doesn’t matter for me whether it’s a one million dollar film, a hundred million dollar film, a billion-dollar game, or whatever,” Leonard-Morgan adds. “The point is it’s all about the creative process. That’s the part that I really, really enjoy. And I think as soon as you start letting external forces come into your head, that’s where I start to kind of…Self-doubt is the wrong phrase. But you start second-guessing, and second guessing is just the worst thing you can do as a composer.”

You can listen to the score below:

Cyberpunk 2077 is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X, PC, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and Google Stadia.

The post How the Cyberpunk 2077 Soundtrack Found Its Dystopian Sound in a Soviet-Era Synthesizer appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3an3h8A

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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aurorawest · 4 years

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I used to adore that sweet deleted scene from Thor 1 where the brothers talk before the coronation. Until I remembered that Loki had already arranged for the Jotuns to ruin the coronation, and knew Thor wouldn’t become king. This hurts. And makes me wonder, was Loki lying when he said “I’ve looked forward to this day” and “never doubt I love you”? Or did he really mean it? He sure sounded sincere, but why would he mean such sweet claims when he’d already done an act of treachery toward Thor?

Oh this is so crunchy, thank you for the opportunity to talk about this. This got long, haha. Surprise!

First off, I’ve devoted a lot of time to thinking about this, to the point that it’s almost fair to say that everything I’ve ever written about Loki and Thor comes down to the dichotomy of what we see from Loki in this scene.

Sometimes, I’m…envious. But never doubt that I love you.

I’m not sure any one line sums up Loki’s relationship with Thor more than this one, and it is a damn shame that it was cut from the final film. Loki is a person, I think, who is very, very good at cognitive dissonance. That is to say, he can hold two (at least) different, contradictory thoughts in his head at the same time. And I think we all do this with the people we love, right? You love your family, but god, sometimes you hate them. I think it’s pretty clear through all of their appearances together that Loki loves Thor (ironically, when their relationship is in theory at its best, in Thor, we actually see it the least, because they cut all of the scenes that really show it).

The thing is, Loki doesn’t just love Thor. Thor is everything that Loki wants to be and feels that he can never possibly live up to. He admires him, but he’s also resentful. I’m going to quote a line from my own fanfiction, because it sums this up fairly well:

Normally it hurt, knowing that he’d never really had a chance. Not so much because he desperately wanted the throne. He didn’t. It had been made clear to him long ago that he possessed nothing that Asgardians valued in their kings. He just wanted to be valued, even if it didn’t translate into a crown. (Foundations, chapter 2)

Loki is bitter about his perceived Otherness (and he doesn’t even know the half of it yet). Everything in Asgardian society tells him he won’t be a good king, and because in his family, value and worthiness is intrinsically tied into the succession, this sets up this toxic situation where one child was always going to feel like the lesser one. I want to emphasize that this could have been Thor. And while I believe Loki can kind of intellectually see this, he’s a deeply sensitive, deeply emotional person, and his brain can tell him thing all day long. In the end, his heart is going to feel the pain of his inadequacy.

So that brings us to Thor. Thor is…kind of a scapegoat, I guess, for this situation. It would be great if Loki could recognize that he has strengths and he’s valuable for what he is, but he doesn’t, or can’t, not totally. It’s hard to have the confidence to buck society’s expectations and norms. Even if you do it in part (which he clearly does, e.g., with his magic), that doesn’t mean you’re willing or able to do it totally (in fact, I might argue that for some people, being able to stand up to the cultural norm in one instance might be a shield against admitting much deeper truths about yourself that would set you apart…hi, I think I just had a personal revelation). Then you have the added issue that for Loki, bucking society’s expectations is bucking his father’s expectations, and his father isn’t just his father, he’s also the king of Asgard. He’s the All-Father. He is, in Loki’s view, the most powerful person in the universe. Loki desperately wants his approval and validation. How many times do we hear him say that in Thor? So Loki can’t take any of this resentment out on his father because he just…can’t.

But he sure can take it out on Thor. Thor is his brother. Thor is someone he should be equal with. You know the truism ‘you hurt the ones you love?’ Thor and Loki are the perfect example of this. I very much think they take each other for granted. Which is where the cognitive dissonance comes into play. Loki loves Thor very much, and this is just a given for him—and not just for him, he would feel that it should be a given for Thor, as well. I think Loki holds these two truths in his head simultaneously: Thor will never not love him, and Thor will never love him. To shamelessly quote my own fanfiction again:

…deep down, he had an unshakeable faith that Thor needed him. There was a toxic side to that, too—an unshakeable faith that he could get away with anything and that Thor would still be there. (an unpublished fic I’m working on called Sleight of Hand, chapter 9)

Thor represents everything Loki wants to be but can never be, and Thor will never reject Loki for dumping all his insecurities on him. At the same time, Thor maybe doesn’t really love Loki, so it doesn’t matter what Loki does, because he’s already lost this thing that he values so highly, which is Thor’s love.

(Side note, I firmly believe this is why Loki does shit like, ‘Don’t tell me it was that woman. Oh…it was. Well, maybe when we’re finished here I’ll pay her a visit myself!’ I don’t think that Loki intends to go to Earth and hurt Jane, not even for a second…but it’s going to make Thor angry if he says it, and it’s going to prove to Loki what he knew all along deep down, which is that Thor doesn’t love him and will fight him)

Anyway, I hope I’m putting it properly into words. It’s something I myself feel on a really visceral level, which is why I really connect with Loki as a character, but it’s hard to articulate.

Ruining Thor’s coronation is a garbage move by Loki, there’s no doubt about that. He says to Laufey:

That was just a bit of fun, really. To ruin my brother’s big day. And to protect the realm from his idiotic rule for a while longer.

I suspect that Loki’s actual motivations are closer to the last sentence here. You have to remember that Loki is lying to Laufey. His intention is to get Laufey to come to Asgard so he can kill him, serving the dual purpose of making himself look like the worthy son and getting revenge on the biological parent who abandoned him. I wrote about whether or not Loki wanted to go to Jotunheim in a recent ask, so I won’t rehash that here, but Loki’s goal is really to make Thor look like he’s not ready to take the throne.

But, that said, I also think that there would have been an element of fun to it. Loki thrives on chaos. A not insignificant part of him likes to start a fire and sit back to watch it burn. Plus…these are Asgardians. I definitely think that Thor would be Pissed Off if he ever found out that Loki had done this (he never does, unless Heimdall tells him, but I don’t think there’s any direct evidence of that? Correct me if I’m wrong, it’s actually relevant to one of my WIPs), but also, like, these people are living on a different level than we are. They stab each other and it’s no big deal. Had his plan worked out the way he’d thought it would—Frost Giants interrupt the coronation, Thor comes up with this dumb, reckless plan to go to Jotunheim, guard tells Odin where they’re going, Odin stops them and gets mad at Thor, Thor doesn’t become king for the foreseeable future—I think Loki would have laughed about it for weeks. He made his brother look dumb and he himself looked like the circumspect, smart son because he was against going to Jotunheim from the start. Obviously, that’s…not what happened. A whole other discussion, that one—Loki’s plans having unintended consequences.

At the end of the day, anon, I think you should continue to love that scene if you want to. It’s one of my favorites. Every time I watch it I curse the decision to cut it from the film because it gives so much more depth to the relationship. I have no doubt that Loki really loves Thor. Just look at his arc. In the end, Loki dies for Thor. Loki gives up the universe to try to save Thor. He’s just a messed up young man who is truly terrible at dealing with his emotions.

I’ll leave you with another quote from my upcoming fic, Sleight of Hand:

She raised her eyebrows right back. “Have you ever considered therapy?” When he furrowed his brow, she said, “Why am I not surprised that Asgardians don’t have therapy?”

#loki meta #loki odinson #thor odinson #brodinsons #anon

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1358456 · 4 years

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Right/Wrong - 3

I really love this kind of discussion. A real shame that I can’t do this kind of thing more frequently. My family has the same view, so there’s no point in the discussion, and my friends don’t care and it’s always super weird to bring up very serious topics, so I never really get to do this.

There is a concrete answer. However, vast majority of the people don’t want to accept it. There’s a reason why vast majority of the scientists still cling on to the theory of evolution, even though all science points away from it. Because to accept the truth would mean that what they’ve been told before were all false, and that they have to change their lifestyle. How many people are going to do that? So they don’t.

The concrete answer has been found. Technically, humans started with it when Adam was created in 4001 (ish) BC. Then people forgot it, and got corrupted so much that in 2300 (ish) BC, everything was wiped out by water and reset. The geological evidence is everywhere. And even in culture. Why is the legend of a world-wide flood in every human civilization? And around 2000-1800 (ish) BC, the concrete answer was given to us once again in a more “concrete” fashion, in the form of actual books, aka, the bible. And fast forward, we forgot it again. And now we’re waiting in the last age, for the final judgment by fire. The last age began when Israel became a physical nation again, as written in Exodus.

... And if I don’t stop this particular train of thought now, it’ll go on and on, so... heh.

The book of Leviticus handles that. It’s... incredibly boring, to be honest, because it’s ALL about laws and rules, and most of them don’t apply to us anymore. Having roughly skimmed it the first time, I don’t know the exact specifics. But I do believe that if someone owns a land (ignoring HOW they came to own it in the first place), and lets other people farm on it, there has to be an agreement that was reached. Anything that does not match the initial agreement would be wrong.

But usually, human greed tends to take over. So those who already have a lot try to get more by f*cking over the weaker ones. But just because someone stole from you, it doesn’t mean that you have to steal from them. Responding to wrongness with wrongness doesn’t make anything right. It just makes you as wrong as them.

The bible is very clear on the matter of revenge. Simply put, don’t do it. It’s not your job. Just forgive. The reason for that is because you yourself is begging for forgiveness. Roughly paraphrased and using modern currency, it’s as if you owe your boss $5 billion, and you’re begging for forgiveness and leniency. And so the boss thinks for a while and decides to absolve your debt. And then you immediately grab your coworker, who owes you $1000, and start beating him, demanding that he pays you back. What do you think the boss is going to do, seeing all that?

It’s a biblical worldview. Anyone who claims to be a Christian should have the identical view. You can’t claim to be a Christian while claiming that the bible is incorrect. It’s like trying to plant a tree after you cut off its roots and base. You also can’t claim to be a Christian while accepting other worldviews. You can’t accept the truth and falseness at the same time. There is a solid, concrete correctness. Choosing anything else or anything in between is automatically wrong. That’s how logic works. Science and logic do NOT ever conflict with the bible. Because... who made science and logic?

The scripture is a flawless, unshakable foundation in which everything must be built. All philosophy has to have the basis in that scripture, because human knowledge doesn’t come from inside YOU. It comes from the outside. People don’t learn the truth by themselves. It has to be taught. So any philosophy made by a person who just sat in his room for a while, thinking about it, is not going to be an absolute truth.

So, morality. Where did it come from. Dig deep enough, and the only possible foundation is the bible. What about other religions, you could ask. Did you know? Christianity (and Judaism) doesn’t have a starting point. It started alongside the first human. Other religions have a starting point. Like... Buddhism. Starts with Buddha in around 500 BC. What was China’s religion BEFORE that point? It’s pretty hard to trace, given how a certain emperor burned all the books and buried alive all the scholars. But then you look at the ONE thing that was retained from before that point, the Chinese letters. Analyze those, and you realize that the ancient Chinese root religion is the same as Christianity and Judaism.

Everything has a source foundation. People forget about it all the time, but it has to be there. You can’t build anything on top of just dirt. You need a solid foundation. Religion, morality, science, philosophy... they all have the same base.

That said, all this might be a lot easier to understand if you were more... math oriented? Having been a “mathie” ever since grade 2, the mathematical approach to thinking has always been easier for me. So, for mathematical viewpoint... imagine if there was no point of origin. The entire cartesian plane falls apart and the coordinate system no longer exists. A coordinate (1, 3, 5) in 3D space, just lists the distance of that point from the origin. 1 unit in the x-axis direction, 3 in y, 5 in z. So if the point of origin is not (0, 0, 0), then everything is meaningless, and nothing makes sense.

I think this is incredibly important, because most people would have the same view. But at the end of the day, empathy is irrelevant to right or wrong. Also, this might not be super obvious, but... when people lost sight of God, the amount of misery that happens... can NOT be understated. Once the theory of evolution entered the education system in the US, and so the kids lost sight of God... divorce rates skyrocketed, abortion rates skyrocketed, suicide rates skyrocketed, SAT scores plummeted, gun/knife violence in schools skyrocketed, etc.

What does the theory of evolution teach you? That humans came to existence after billions of years of killing and extinction of other species, that the “stronger race” wipes out the weaker ones, and that you, as a person, is just a random one of these humans in a random planet around a random star, in a random galaxy. Physically, your size is nothing compared to the planet, which is nothing compared to the solar system, etc. So you are less than nothing. You live around 100 years max, in a planet that’s been around for billions of years. You are less than nothing. Who cares what happens to you? Your neighbors are your competition. If you don’t beat them, they will beat you. You are only alive because you survived. And for you to survive, it’s okay to do ANYTHING.

Compared to that, what does the bible teach you? This planet was created on day 1, and was refined over 6 days total. The entirety of space was made in the 4th day at once. This planet is infinitely more significant and important than any others, because this planet is where God created life. The first man was hand-crafted and was the only creation to be made in the image of God, and was the only one ordered to have dominion over the other creatures. Adam was meant to live forever, but he kind of f*cked that up. He still lived 930 years on a planet that’s been around for 6000 years. 930/6000 is a pretty decent percentage. Even nowadays, 120 (max) out of 6000 is a significant percentage. You are, as a human, VERY important and incomparably significant to any other creature, being specially crafted on a specially crafted world. Your neighbors are those who will work with you, cooperating.

And yet, what are you taught in school?

... Man, these posts are getting long. Haha. I pretty much wrote like a Legacy chapter’s worth of text in these three posts. But there’s so much more to cover. Hahaha...

I guess if people find these boring or “offensive” (somehow) or simply don’t care, I’ll stop.

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lovedsammy · 4 years

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lightning field [commission for @samwinchesterlesbian]

Final commission for @samwinchesterlesbian! This one was a request for Sam and Michael, with Sam’s thoughts on working with Michael in 15.08. I rewatched those scenes multiple times to get a gauge on Sam’s reactions to him, and came to the conclusion that Michael didn’t directly torture Sam, but was a passive participant. Seeing him and interacting him would still be painful and terrible for Sam, though, not just because of the associations, but because I really don’t think that Michael offered him help, either.

Hope you enjoy!

A foray into the furthest depths of Hell was not exactly Sam’s idea of a fun time, but once again, it was proving to be necessary. Fortunately, he at least had Dean and Cas at his side this time and not just Crowley and Rowena. Not that either of them had been bad company, necessarily, in hindsight - they’d proven themselves to be allies later, all things considered. But it was always best when he had his brother and Castiel with him. They were the only people that he trusted most in the world. They’d have his back, and he’d have theirs. The current situation wasn't exactly the same as it had been back then, either.

They were seeking out Michael now, not Lucifer.

Sam shudders a little at the memory of traveling these halls, lured by the Devil, his only weapon his absolute faith clutched to his chest. He’d clung to it like a lifeline, that faith, and well -- it hadn’t come to fruition. It’d been a lie. A misconception. A trick. Not just by Lucifer, but by God, too. His faith had just been an empty cast, searching the water for something that wasn’t there. In the end, it was Sam who’d been the bait and Lucifer the self-assured caster, able to manipulate Sam into the very place he wanted him.

The three of them continue to walk in companionable silence, but it’s not uncomfortable. Rather, Sam feels a little more at ease in the quiet, looking around the various corridors and levels as they descend further. Everything about Hell now was still so reminiscent of the Crowley era and the last time he’d been down here. If he never saw this place again, it’d only be too soon. Getting Michael’s help was probably a long shot, he knew. But it was a chance that they needed to take above all others. Because their enemy was the highest above all others, God himself. And if there was anyone left that could contend with that much power, it’d be Michael. All they had to do was convince him.

But convincing Micheal to fight against his father was going to be difficult. Michael had an unshakable faith in him, and in his father’s plan. It’d been that faith that had led him here in the first place, trapped in the cage that had only been meant for Lucifer. Sam didn’t really think that kind of faith, the belief of a son in his father, could be shaken so easily. In all honesty, he wasn’t exactly jumping for joy at the idea of seeing the Archangel again, either. While Michael hadn’t been Lucifer, he hadn’t really opposed his brother’s treatment of Sam. He’d been an idle, passive watcher. He never got his hands dirty himself. He’d never participated in Sam’s torture physically. But he’d watched.

And that, Sam hasn’t forgotten.

When he first sees him in the guise of Adam, Sam’s body tenses and he swallows. He feels a lot of things - regret for what happened to Adam, hesitance and apprehension for standing in the presence of the being himself. For a moment, everything else melts away until it’s just him and Michael and the phantom visual of the Cage. He sees Michael’s detached expression, his indifferent eyes watching as Lucifer carves deeper into Sam’s stomach, taking pieces of flesh and bone. He watches Sam’s suffering without lending a single finger to help, to stop his brother, to offer Sam some kind - any kind - of reprieve.

Michael’s stunned gaze moves from Sam to Dean, and it brings Sam back from the recollection.

He stands back while Cas and Dean handle him, making quick work of securing the Archangel in the angelic cuffs, and has to remember to breathe.

“Even for you, especially for you, this is stupid.” Michael snarls, pacing restlessly back and forth, the desk in front of him the only barrier separating them from him. Less than ten feet away, Sam’s guard is up, shoulders tense. Being in the presence of an angry Archangel, even a restrained one, was proving to be more difficult than he’d thought. Michael’s chaotic anger was reminding Sam too well of the first moments they’d all landed in the Cage. How the painful force of the vengeful screams from both him and Lucifer had vibrated it down to its foundation. They’d probably made all of Hell tremble. And somewhere on Earth, there’d likely been an immeasurable earthquake.

“Well, good to see you too,” Dean says dryly, sarcastically. “Mike.”

Michael’s clearly not amused by the nickname, but forsakes responding to Dean. Instead, his sour gaze moves from the older Winchester to the younger. “Sam. You look well,” He says evenly, appraising him. “The last time I saw you in the cage...”

“Yeah, it doesn’t matter,” Sam interjects quickly. He’s not looking to reminisce about it. He can feel Dean and Cas’s eyes on him, gauging his body language, making sure silently that he was all right. And with that comfort, he continues. “We need your help.”

Little by little, the apprehension fades. He’s still cautious, a little weary, but it becomes clear that this Michael was much more fair and open to suggestion in a way that the alternative world version of him hadn’t been. He could be reasoned with. The Michael who’d possessed his brother, and had tortured Jack and his mother, who’d teamed up with Lucifer and tried to kill all of them - he’d inspired fear in Sam. This Michael at least seemed to have an emotional investment in Adam, in protecting him, allowing him to take over his body in limited capacity. Lucifer had denied Sam that right altogether. Sam had to fight for control. As had Dean. As had Cas.

Michael had sheltered Adam from the worst of not just the possession, but the worst of Hell, too. Sam can’t help but be a little resentful, a little bitter of the fact. It was no fault of Adam’s, of course. Thinking that was unfair to his younger brother, who hadn’t deserved to be dragged into this mess in the first place. But there was a cosmic irony of it all, of he and Dean being Michael and Lucifer’s precious true vessels and yet being treated so unfairly by the both of them. God really did view them as just pawns in this game he’d created. Chuck was an overgrown adult-child, and his angels and his demons and the humans were all his toys. It made Sam think of Michael and Lucifer as spoiled, unruly toddlers, and Sam and Dean were their play outfits, dressed in them so they could destroy their toy houses all they wanted.

And Michael had done it, trying to be the good son, the one who always followed his dad’s orders. In the scheme of things, Michael had been God’s puppet, too.

So Sam tries.

He tries to impart this to Michael, to make him understand, to come around to their side. He lets his guard down a little more, approaches him a little more closely. He doesn’t know if Michael ever really hears him, what he’s trying to say. He can only hope that, after some time, he does.

He knows how it feels to lose faith in his father.

And how it was to lose faith in God.

#sam winchester #spn #supernatural #michael #*mine

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hayleysstark · 5 years

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Hey! So u live posting about the last dragonlord have me so many feels that I’m gonna go watch the entire series for the 5th time. But can I request that you DO UNPACK THAT DRAGON SCENE P L E A S E.

May I just say, I am SO glad I have dragged someone else back down into Merlin hell with me. my liveblogs are finally good for something. I knew I’d be useful one day. join me in the void. the merciless pit. the ruthless, chaotic black hole. join me. fall with me into the abyss, my friend.

You have NO IDEA though just how much this moment makes me LOSE my SHIT though, like, LISTEN, there is SO MUCH to unpack, there is just--there is just so much to unpack, honest to God, I wasn’t even like making a joke when I said that in my liveblog, I just literally didn’t have the time/patience to sit down and pick it apart yesterday. I was tired, I was ready to just end the episode, so I didn’t bother, but now YOU have given me an opportunity to pick it apart NOW when I DO have the time and patience, and you are BLESSED, forever, and it is a DAMN good thing I was too tired to delete all the screenshots I took last night before I fell asleep, huh?

From the start, there is just such an enormous and powerful sense of history. Of past colliding with present, of a hundred, a thousand, a million centuries piling up behind this moment like an avalanche, and you can feel it, you can feel the weight, the burden, of all that history, that Merlin carries with him in this moment, as Balinor’s voice floods over the scene.

Merlin is the last dragonlord. Kilgharrah is the last dragon. There is never going to be another like Merlin. There is never going to be another like Kilgharrah.

And Merlin knows it.

And I’m sorry, but it’s--it’s really something to think about, isn’t it, that Merlin still contemplates killing the dragon? The death of the last dragon is going to tip the scales. It will imbalance the whole world. The earth itself could very well roll off its axis if Merlin goes through with this, and Merlin himself must know this. And he is so close to doing it anyway.

I don’t think that’s too important on its own - Merlin considers killing the dragon who’s attacked the kingdom, and murdered innocent people, why wouldn’t he at least consider it?? A lesser man would do a hell of a lot more than consider it, and damn the consequences - except that, Merlin is absolutely boiling with hatred in this moment.

Don’t misunderstand me - he’s furious with Kilgharrah right from the opening of the episode, and of course he is. That’s justified. That is so completely justified. But this is different. This is deeper. This is personal. This is not about Camelot any longer. This is not about innocent people anymore. This is not about any of that.

Because Merlin is still mourning Balinor.

And in the darkest depths of his grief, in the deepest parts of his sorrow, I think Merlin may have latched onto Kilgharrah as a source of blame.

Because Kilgharrah is to blame, in part, for what happened, isn’t he? Even if he played an unintentional role, he still played a role nonetheless. He led, however indirectly, to Balinor’s death, and Merlin’s carried that grudge all the way out here, to this field. Merlin’s carrying a heavy history, but also a heavy grudge, and it’s so impactful to us, the audience, as we wonder whether he will have the strength to do with all of this what he must.

Everyone attaches a lot of significance to this scene as the foundation of Merlin and Kilgharrah’s newer, stronger relationship in S3 - right from the first episode in S3, we see Kilgharrah trusts, respects, and cares for Merlin far more than he ever did in the first two seasons, and maybe that is just the unshakable, inexplicable bond between a dragon and his dragonlord, but it could just as well be that Merlin proved his mettle here, showed what he was made of, and impressed the oldest magical creature in existence in the bargain. But it’s a significant moment for me because Merlin does not strike the killing blow.

Merlin doesn’t forgive Kilgharrah.

But Merlin sees that he is wrong to assign blame to Kilgharrah. Merlin doesn’t forgive Kilgharrah. But Merlin doesn’t exact vengeance on Kilgharrah, either.

And Kilgharrah - because oh, yes, there’s a lot to unpack with Kilgharrah, too, and I think the part that sticks out to me the most is honestly this line right here:

It’s one of my favorite quotes from the series, and I’m not shy about saying that, because, oh my god, put it in context for a second, and this line hits hard.

Because Kilgharrah?

Kilgharrah is praising Merlin.

And Kilgharrah is praising Merlin for his mercy. For his kindness. For his clemency. For how quick he is to cast aside a grudge he could easily carry to his grave, how quick he is to throw off the heavy hatred trying to make its home in him, and that--

Well, that’s really important. Crazy important, even. Because Kilgharrah?

Kilgharrah doesn’t think too much of mercy, does he? Kindness. Clemency. Words like those have no place on a dragon’s tongue, in a dragon’s heart. Dragons are among the most powerfully magical creatures to ever walk this earth, invulnerable, invincible, virtually unkillable. It must be a rare thing, then, for a dragon to find himself at the mercy of somebody else, let alone a human. And Kilgharrah is.

And Kilgharrah has never once shown Merlin mercy.

Kilgharrah has manipulated Merlin, pushed Merlin, pulled his strings and forced his hand, in a million different and painful ways, because Merlin does not matter, Merlin can be hurt, and it doesn’t matter, Merlin can carry destiny on his shoulders until the weight of it crushes him, and it doesn’t matter, not to Kilgharrah, because even now, Kilgharrah does not care for Merlin, Kilgharrah does not care for anyone, and Merlin sees that, Merlin knows him, knows his heart, knows just how cruel and callous and cold he can be, and Merlin, who has every reason, every right, to drive that spear through Kilgharrah’s heart, and enjoy every last second of it, Merlin spares him anyway.

Kilgharrah feels no love for Merlin.

But Kilgharrah sees, finally, for the first time, that Merlin’s heart, Merlin’s compassion, Merlin’s love for all living things, is not a bad thing. It is not a weakness, a failing, a flaw. It has saved his life.

Kilgharrah looks at Merlin now with respect.

Kilgharrah looks at Merlin as an equal.

Because Merlin didn’t act as Kilgharrah would have. Merlin didn’t do what Kilgharrah would have said was right.

Merlin did what he thought was right.

And it’s only then that he earns Kilgharrah’s respect.

#merlin #bbc merlin #ask #eyesofgoldenambers

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branchmeleaf · 4 years

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I have been thinking about this a lot. Maryam Hasnaa posted it to her IG stories a few days ago, along with the accompanying graph for "Mapping our roles in a social change ecosystem" (created by Deepa Iyer for the Solidarity Is and Building Movement Project). It has been extremely helpful for me bc it has helped me to understand, on a MUCH deeper level, the service work that resonates with the needs of my soul and the life path that I came here to live.

it's been trying, interesting, and admittedly very tiring: knowing the capacity of my gifts and that I am skilled and proficient at so many things. I am able to build foundations and guide + lead ppl within that charge. I acknowledge my healing power and ability to restore those who need wholeness. I know that I have a gift for masterfully interpreting truth and disseminating information. I acknowledge the deep and powerful fire that burns within me that is ONLY fueled by the desire to see justice.

.. however, among all those things, and after having worn each those hats, simultaneously, in tandem, out of order, and finally and one at a time, exclusively and over time... i've come to realize that none of them are what I came here to do.

i am a healer but I did not come here to have ppl lined up in front of me to be healed. i am a visionary, but I did not come here to be the projection screen on which our ways out will be shown. i guide but, no matter how much I don't want it to be true, i did not come here to show you the way at all. and all of those realizations have been difficult. its been hard, knowing my capacities and feeling affirmed in the work i'm doing, but always, and I mean always, ending up weary and exhausted. feeling invigorated and fully charged as i'm on the battlefield but coming home and finding i'm unable to rest once the fighting is done and my mind is clear. being elated at being able to be a beacon for others but silently wondering who will be the beacon for me. "normal" things and thoughts, or so we tell ourselves... bc i'm too sensitive to not pay attention to the very subtle things I wonder, things that hint to some part of me still not being fulfilled...

i came here to be a caregiver. and it took me unabashedly deciding to prioritize being that for and only to myself bc thru me caring for MYSELF, i am but a natural wellspring - a cup running over for others to draw replenishment from.

it has taken me 34 years to uncover that truth and tbh I NEVER would have intuited it as being my role had it not been for the lord on my side (aka the countless days and nights of innerwork, uncovering, unearthing + intentional dissection of wound after wound, trauma after trauma, and trigger after trigger). Though I am so many things, and ALL of those things will contribute to the work I am here to do, it wasn't until I honestly shone a light on my childhood trauma that I discovered my heart for joy. I realized that underneath the inability to find and express my own joy was a deep and passionate desire to extend that truth and healing ray of power to those around me. joy is POWERFUL. it is something unshakeable that cannot be infiltrated or destroyed just bc of what our circumstances look like, are, or what they may continue to be. I haven't been Christian for a long time but it is not lost on me the emotion that I feel when I think of verses like "The joy of the Lord is my strength." Joy is a force. It is a beacon of hope and even stronger than hope; Hope is a prayerful wish, a feeling of expectation, and a desire for a certain thing to happen. Joy is the audacity to be outwardly positively polarized despite that thing, or any thing, happening at all. Joy carries us where hope can not. And not to say that hope is not useful at all BC IT IS but it's a request. It's a "please alleviate this thing that I am entertaining until something better comes along to find me". Joy is a soul savior. It is "regardless of if this thing finds me or not and regardless of what is going on now, IN THIS MOMENT, I can harness satisfaction and emotional well-being." This is the message of joy. It is a dare to exist in the now. Hope is a request for a future time, even if that time is 5 minutes away. Joy is a ever-present, deep, SOUL SEATED positivity rooted in the Now.

it has taken me SO LONG to realize that. not only that that's my role but that joy is what I had been so desperately seeking in my life so long. at times when I thought I was looking for more clarity or more fortitude or more strength. thru the ripping apart of all my veils, i realized that the joy I feel within myself, the world needs to feel that too. and not from me, but maybe I can help them to begin to see how they can unearth it within themself. bc as fucked up as this world is, and will probably continue to be, what else do we have, that will cover and sustain us in the absence of everything else?

note: I believe that I was only able to come to this realization in the life timing that I did after working with Nehur-Ra-Sim, the angel called on to work with the benevolent energies coded in names (I recently changed my name), and Angel Sadha, who helps us understand our life path. When seeking to understand our life path, we must know that the solar plexus is the holder of the original energy of the blueprint for our life. In addition to doing chakra work, we can seek to raise the energy into our third eye, so that we may PERCEIVE and gain EXPERIENTIAL understanding. it is also helpful to work with the enegies of whale and deer, to this end.

#journal #doing the work #life purpose #soul mission #sovereignty #healing #ancestral wisdom

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jasperlion · 5 years

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Rudolf, Mycen and Alm

For Alm, there were several factors in his life which were unshakable and very much the foundation of his ideals, experiences and goals. He was a village boy from Ram, grandson of a great Zofian general in his time, and would thus uphold his legacy by protecting the very country Mycen once protected in her time of need.

When nobles spoke down to him and his friends, spoke of opportunity and what nobility could and couldn’t do in comparison to the ‘baseborn animals’ who had no noble blood, Alm did his upmost to prove them wrong. To be the light and example to all Zofian peasants that they can, that he, like them, could. That your station at birth does not determine your skill, ability, or what you should be able to do — it’s all in what you put in yourself, and all you have to do is have the opportunity to show it.

You can see how it all goes wrong the moment the truth is laid out for him, a truth he fought so hard to deny even with the mounting evidence: why should he believe an old man in Zofia’s Keep? Maybe Mycen just found love much after or lied about having no family when he worked in the castle. Why should he believe a blade could only be lifted by royalty? Isn’t that ridiculous? Surely, there are spells that would let this happen, but maybe they wore off or were just baseless rumors so no one stole it. Why should he put any stock in Desaix’s dying words? The man was a tyrant, a despot who would lie through his teeth, as he has again and again, to save his own damn skin. Why did the... why did the Emperor ask General Ezekiel to follow him?

The answer becomes clear, but the rest of himself falls apart.

Instead, he is a prince from Rigel, son of Rudolf and great great grandson to Rigel I, and in his path to protect Zofia and push back the Rigelians into their country and to their fortifications, he had betrayed his country of birth and slain its Emperor.

When he ‘proved’ nobles wrong, he had all but proved them right, accomplishing great feats and winning many a victory not as an exemplary Zofian soldier, but as a Rigelian one. He may have been raised a pauper, but he had always been a prince, dragon blood pulsed in his veins from the blood pact of his ancestor.

He was a lie, he had lived a lie and showed a lie to many people in Zofia and Rigel alike. And oh, he played his part beautifully, to be the villager to show the world what the common-folk could do, only to turn their back on them, only to be a noble. Just like them, just like those who pushed everyone else down on claims of heritage.

And this, this case of identity and ideology shattered to its core, is but one of his problems in the face of his father’s defeat and death.

His life and ideals had been a lie from the start, his thoughts to prove his grandfather’s worth and thus his own became empty words based on nothing but lies told to a gullible little boy who believed everything he was told by a man he was meant to trust. This shatters him, hurts him, more than he can ever express. And when his ‘grandfather’ is confronted with the pain wrought onto Alm by the act he was forced to commit? The man merely tells him to suck it up, that it’s no time for self pity and he doesn’t deserve to feel hurt, because this is what his father wanted, and so it had to be enough. The blind trust Alm had in Mycen is gone, and it is quite frankly something the old soldier will never get back. It is something Alm will never get back, either — the very idea that those around him can safely tell him who he is and who his family is becomes absurd as he from then onward questions everything he’s told by those around him. He can never hear the truth and confirmation from the horse’s mouth, Rudolf I is dead and gone, and there’s no way to prove he’s not being lied to again about where he came from. That it’s not all just an elaborate ruse to be played on him again and again because there’s no way to prove otherwise.

And, of course, onto the fact of the matter that he murdered his own father. Not even fought and killed would be a fitting description, for while Alm was coerced into the act by his station, his fellows and even the Emperor himself, Rudolf never once turned his lance on his son. Not once did he try to hurt Alm back, to even put up a fight. “Come, strike me.” Were the words he was greeted with, and the man did not disappoint in committing to just that. And it’s wrong, it feels so very wrong. It was a slaughter, not a battle, and it will consume him completely to know it is what his father wanted done. The very man who wished to never harm a hair on his son’s head would rather have his son kill him — inflict that sort of pain onto him that even in his death would never go away. Maybe it’d have felt better if Rudolf had defended himself — it’d have definitely felt better if his father had fought back.

Instead, he ‘fought’ (murdered) a tired man who had played a role for too long and wished to die by his son’s hands. Who looked at the boy who struck at his nigh defenseless father with pride in his eyes, something Alm will never understand.

He killed his own father, and with Rudolf went the answers he had so desperately sought since childhood. Who were his parents? What were they like? Did they love him? Why did they give him away? How did they meet? What would they have been like as his parents? All he could say was his parents were buried, how his father died, and that it’s what he wanted to happen. That his father gave him away to protect him, only to greet him upon his returns with weapons drawn but no fight at all.

And hell, maybe he shouldn’t feel this bad about killing a man he didn’t even now, but that was exactly the problem: he didn’t know his father, didn’t know anything ABOUT him. What did he like? What was his favorite food? Did he like cats too? Did he give his horse a nickname? What did he enjoy doing on his time off? Did he love his mother? Did he ever grow to love someone else? What was it like to deal with Berkut as a nephew (hehe)? What did he think of Berkut, anyway? What would he think, knowing what his nephew had done? How would he deal with the political situation? What would he do — what would be his counsel on how to deal with matters with Duma and Mila gone? He doesn’t even know how to rule. Leading an army was no comparison to leading a nation, and in not being groomed for his station, he fears he will never do it quite right. Never like his father would have done, like Berkut would have done.

And he wishes he knew, but it was denied to him before he could even form coherent thought. All he had left was a headband from his father’s youth, a name he never felt familiar with, and a legacy to uphold that he had never really lived under until quite literally everyone else had died. At his hand, specifically.

And once more, Mycen’s apathy of it all, of his pain, his hurt and his very valid confusion only pours salt onto fresh and real wounds. Makes him feel like he really doesn’t matter. What mattered was the plan, what mattered was he did what he was reared to do and stick to what fate had in store for him. His feelings were secondary, or perhaps even lower, and so it shouldn’t matter how he feels because he just has to do what he’s supposed to do.

It’s never the same between them after that, even after their conversations eventually mend the rift with a bridge. It’s a rudimentary one that does its job, but rickety at best, instead of filling the crevice and patching the land.

And, when it boils down to it, his feelings take an emotional toll from it all. Rudolf’s death is but the first of many on the path leading to the end of the Gods, not the first of the war, but the first since he’s become aware of what this really is about. Of how Celica’s mission had been right all along to hone in on the deities that molded their world every day at their whims. But he can’t find himself dwelling on those losses, and dwelling on what he had lost the moment the royal sword plunged into both his father and his cousin, divesting Rigel of all royal blood but his own.

He can’t falter, he has to push onward. Mycen’s very words will come to haunt him for the rest of his days, and perhaps by the time the knight notices his mistake it will be far too late. He’s internalized these words, and for the rest of his life it will crush his self worth.

After all, he’s but a tool, a means to an end. He was used by his ‘grandfather’ and his father alike to bring to Valentia the peace it deserved and a liberation from the grip of Gods who were going mad. This, too, hurts to acknowledge: not once were he and his feelings considered in Rudolf’s plan, and not once did Mycen consider them once it had taken motion. He was warned of the point of no return, of course, but not so he wouldn’t take it. It was merely a sign to move forward with a hardened heart, one he didn’t have. Instead, it is soft and vulnerable, shattered and ripped apart by the time it’s done.

But it doesn’t matter.

It can be summed up in betrayal, really. Betrayal of his identity and what he believed was simply a truth that would not be changed (could you see yourself questioning if what your family claimed you to be was true?), betrayal to his own humanity, betrayal to his father even if it’s what he wanted... He feels betrayed by the fate assigned to him and the father who decided his path without taking him into consideration.

All this and more dwells within Alm and troubles his soul, and this is just from Rudolf and Mycen alone — the effects on him from Berkut, Fernand, Rinea, Mila and Celica (and, by extension, Jedah and Duma) are a whole different beast, even if one that dwells in tandem with this one.

Related Headcanon -> Alm and his parents

#long post #hoo that was a doozy #and i think i missed things still #by his own loving heart | headcanon

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badmousestuff-blog · 5 years

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The problem with Free Speech (Script)

One day I was helping out with the Free Palestine stall on Church Street. About an hour in a young dude came up to me, and gave us the usual conservative drivel.

He told me that he couldn’t support the left, because to him we were against free speech. Right below me were flyers detailing the extent of Israeli war crimes against Palestinians, and how little the world still hears about their plight. He stated that he wasn’t interested in our campaign, and bid me farewell. For, of course we must have our standards.

(Rowan Atkinson speech)

There’s never been a more unshakeable dogma in my lifetime than that of Freedom of Speech.

The real test of a country’s standards is if it allows people to criticise one another, especially the regime. The foundation of Liberty and Freedom and Friberty, is the story of free expression, after all, if you want to know who has the power, just look at which group you’re not allowed to criticise. Right?

Well no, I’m here to say that Free Speech isn’t just some base, flatline, monolith from which all societies are to be judged like an angelical truth, its a political concept, thought up by human beings, subject to critique, and frankly is in great need of one.

Let’s start with something simple.

Your concept that Free Speech is good, is only possible if your opponent also agrees with you, i.e. they’re not going to kill you if you disagree.

So therefore if your opponent doesn’t ?? and will use aggression against you, then you can’t really argue for free speech can you?

The conditions around you need to be such that nobody is going to die.

Right, whats next, oh I gotta do the Hitler bit, right…

Y’know the story, Weiner Republic, Full suffrage, large democracy, massive instability and debt caused from the prior war, enter the Nazis, and the German Communist party. Yes everyone seems to forget that the Commies were there too, headed by Ernst Thalmann, and at their peak gained 16% of the vote in 1932. Whilst Ernst was forward in his Anti-Fascism, the Social Democrats, and their newspapers, didn’t seem to understand the concept of a united front, they refused to confront the Fascists in an effective manner and simultaneously denounced the KDP as being a bunch of Muscovites, sporting the famous Iron Front symbol, The third arrow originally meant Anti-Communism, mind.

The SPD’s failure to effectively confront Fascism aided Hitler’s rise to power, sent the KDP underground, and Ernst to 11 years in the hole, followed by a firing squad.

So don’t tell me free-speech exists in vacuum, it doesn’t. In this video we’ll ask the necessary further questions.

Who dictates the media, who controls which advertisements we see, which views are more profitable? Does the removal of speech in given scenarios serve a common good? And if the enlightenment was correct why did Liberalism fail in its mission?

(Rowan Atkinson)

This clip was one of the first main intro points for me as well as many others into the realm of Super Free Speech, and it’s strange looking back just how dated it is. It’s not like we didn’t have the arguments back then, but moreso that nobody really cared, we were all swept up in the dogma, to challenge free speech would be on the same level as strangling a baby.

Anybody can go around today and talk about the joy of free speech, but it means nothing to a person who has no power with that speech, Freedom to Beg? That's not a freedom; that’s institutionalised sadism.

I’m not a believer in Maslow’s hierarchy but hypothetically, this really wouldn’t go number 2, it’d be right down at number… 27. Why do I say this? Well in the words of some philosophy guy people say I look like, “No rights matter if you’re dead”.

Food, Water, Healthcare, and Housing. These are all things you need in order to survive, in other words fulfil the other things that we consider ‘rights’ - rights that are worth struggling for. And despite the fact that the millions end up dying from the lack of these rights, even when they’re universally agreed upon, ever notice how this struggle goes very very quiet… Suspiciously quiet.

Sargon on the Socialists

I wonder…??? I wonder why the left seems to be largely committed to these causes, it’s something you find scantly addressed in the middle and right spheres with the exception of private individual charity (OSCAR WILDE), and Carl may find himself wondering why it is that these ideologies can barely create a solid solidarity towards these topics.

You might be a Liberal and say “Yeah yeah, I support that too though” but fact remains there’s no confidence here.

I see no outpouring of condemnation coming from you when Politicians like Bolsonaro press forward their restrictive measures, unlike what you have to say about this powerless Redhead. Why is that?

Count Dankula, who interestingly I had a couple scuffles with a while back without realising it, last year taught his dog to do a Hitler Salute, and he got fined £800. Now that’s probably one of the most petty excuses for a sentencing I’ll admit, but again this isn’t about whether it was justified, it’s about people’s standards.

Dankula received enormous support from, well, everyone, and he’s now more famous than he ever previously was, enough to be at the forefront of the free-speech festival later that year, and even use his fame to help push the emergence of UKIP. This is attention that people would pay top dollar for, way more than £800. He should be proud that he got a court hearing.

Frankly, me and my colleagues didn’t really care about this whole thing too much, just ask my IWW friend who I was with when this all went down. What happened around the same time that did catch some of our attention though was the plight of the J20 protesters who got arrested back during Trump’s inauguration.

Some of these people are on the butchers list to serve 60 year sentences for standing against a president who’s, a real dick, like I get the whole Liberal opposition is fucking corny but still he’s a dick, they’ve all been dicks, he’s just continuing what every dick who ever stood on centre stage ever started, this is America, you think Bernie’s going to save you? You think reforming the democrats can change the number one imperialist power?

Apologies. If you’re at all concerned that I didn’t give a toss about Dankula’s pug joke, if you’ve ever had friends like him this stuff isn’t too surprising, I know these are highly political times but a guy who votes UKIP is really not our number one concern right now.

I didn’t give a toss, but I know somebody who did, Mike Stuchbury, who you’ll remember from his childish twitter ramblings and dealings with Watson. Who proclaimed that the left needs to stand with Free Speech, A free-speech that is largely in the teat of Right-leaning discourse.

Sargon who was there with him, earlier that year got de-platformed by lefty-liberals in his debate with Muke.

The dogma is enforcing itself here, the left is all supposed to throw up our hands in swich liquor, of which vertu engendered is the flour, and decide Whether we should allow freedom of speech to our enemies, or not allow it, when the actual thing we should be doing, is taking hold of the narrative and putting forward our own ideas as the new talking point of discussion, instead of fucking Nazi Pug.

“Hey, you, what gives you the right to determine the narrative?”

Thats a good question, the hegemonic propaganda of our status quo is already setting the narrative, Noam Chomsky “I’m bored bye”

How can I make this more interesting… Ah ha…

IT’S TIME FOR FILM THEORY!!1 WOOOO

The Pursuit of Happiness.

In 2006 Will Smith told the story of Chris Gardner, a black man who struggled through poverty, separation, and fatherhood whilst living in San Francisco.

He gets an internship with a sales company and despite having to put up with a lot, by the end of the film he passes and at this point, we’re supposed to feel happy and redeemed, but to those who’ve watched it (surely I’m not alone) was it really a happy ending?

I’ll say that I walked out of the viewing feeling very uncomfortable and sour, but why is that?

Well for starters, that Internship he got was a 6 month unpaid one, in the most expensive US city might have something to do with it.

Then he’s got to deal with his wife leaving him, then he’s got to take care of his son, then he loses his source of income, then he’s got to deal with eviction, sleeping rough, not sleeping at all, by the end of the movie sure he gets his redemption but the message of ‘when life gives you lemons, just keep getting pummelled with those lemons and don’t ask why’ ultimately seems hollow.

Contrast that a more traditionally Anti-establishment film which was made by a literal Communist, where the exploiters are treated as they should be and thats what comes across on screen, with surprise horse-dick, and while Happiness doesn’t treat them like saints, they sure don’t come across as devils either.

6 months of free labour he and 19 other people who did not make the cut that they are effectively giving away for free.

What about those other 19 people, who ever tells their story?

The way his superiors always act like total dicks pushing him around and getting him to be their lobby boy, they lost nothing. And now he’s going to work for them.

Is the message here supposed to be “Well if this guy can survive the moon falling on him, what the hell are you complaining about?” Actually yeah, I think that consciously or not, this is what’s being said… Don’t worry we’re getting to the point of all this.

The extent of exploitation is naked, yet in the way the movie is presented I’m inclined to agree to this, and take it into my home, and sleep with it.

Now name me as many pieces of media that regurgitate this same old theme of rags to riches through adversity, to look at the man on centre stage, yet pay no attention to the millions locked in a cage.

Sure, say it how you will, Art is merely what you make of it and there’s not necessarily any devious agenda being pursued at any time. That’s one perspective I guess, another might be that there’s no such thing as Art for Arts sake, it all gears itself to differing political lines.

In a society based on private, individual enterprise, it's no surprise that Art would also foster themes that would support society as the normal and natural, even if they appear on the surface as radical.

Case in point, well the entire Hollywood Catalog.

On the Waterfront is literally Mccarthyism on celluloid, The People vs Larry Flynt guises pornification and billionairedom with a story of libel and freedom of speech.

And ironically enough probably the worst offender is, well I’m gonna lose some of you now, Billy Elliot, the Movie.

In which 2/3rds of the way through Billy’s dad strike breaks as a way to pay for his son to go to a prestigious arts school, y’know rather than maybe having him stay and use his skills to improve, embolden and enliven the downtrodden community, rather than leaving it to die.

Jackie’s very sympathetic in his devotion towards his son, except Striking is caring for your family, you’re fighting for a better future, together, as one, and it’s thrown away in favour of a much more individualistic get out of your circumstances, go and live your dream.

Now I’ve read Lee Hall, I know he didn’t intend for this to come through, but he is also no more aloof than any of us, we’re all susceptible to this ‘Common Culture’.

Just see the way our ‘Common Culture’ infiltrates into how Communism is talked about, in 2015’s Trumbo. The Hollywood screenwriter who was blacklisted for 2 decades for being a member of Communist Party.

Could make for some groundbreaking stuff right?...

Well no, instead we’re left with a film that focuses entirely on freedom of expression, which is ironic because if they represented him truthfully it would’ve resulted in a much more nuanced movie.

All we get is a 2 minute scene talking about Communist ethics and god its done in the most sanitised, unradical, storybook tale way possible, that doesn’t in any possible regard represent who the actual Dalton Trumbo was.

“If a book or play or film is produced which is harmful to the best interests of the working class, that work and its author should and must be attacked in the sharpest possible terms.”

I think I have a case that profit incentives are steering the way in which media is presented…

We have no problem pointing out the subtle propaganda messages in Soviet children’s cartoons (Cheburashka) but reverse that onto our society, prepare for some awkward stares.

You may argue that none of what I’ve just spoken about here has anything to do with censorship of free expression but this is the problem, our notions of censorship are stuck firmly behind the Berlin wall, and thats far too simplistic not to mention outdated.

Undoubtably Coca-cola has a far greater reach of expression than I ever will be able to ascertain, what says who can speak on a public forum, decide the content of a documentary, of a publication, of a movie, or a political campaign?

If a book is blacklisted by all publishers for political reasons, what difference does it make having 1 publishing house or 100?

If 90% of the movie market alone is controlled by just 7 companies, what kind of advice is “Just start your own business”.

If we want to talk about the free flow of expression and information, what little are these flyers (Free Palestine) when Zionism has a whole nation, and 2 continents supporting it?

This is the kind of expression we’re dealing with today, not the voices of individuals, but of multinationals. The fact that we had in any way an outpouring of sympathies towards one of these companies, Sony, for having their movie The Interview possibly censored by DPRK agents is a testament to how lost in the plot we have become.

And if by chance the media cannot direct the status quo by monopoly, it brings out its tried and tested method.

Commodify it.

I present to you Guerrillero Heroico, this photograph was allowed such free spread not simply because its bloody badass, but because there was no IP designated upon it, by Korda’s intention as a Communist himself he agreed with the free-flow of art. And what did this result in at the behest of Capitalist Corporations? The pastiche of revolution, to be bought and sold many times over.

Take any form of media, word, an expression, it will be hoisted away, slapped on a shirt, and sold back to you at a handsome price. You cannot escape this.

The moment that this (my tattoo) becomes the new Che it loses all its power, resistance is reduced to at worst LARPing, at best Nerd Fandom, and the winners are the profiteers.

If profit is the aim of the game, the speech that is supported will inevitably favour that which nurtures the economy, not destroys it, unless in farce. Speech ain’t a level base of which a country is determined by, its an apparatus held by those that dictate the game.

This is why there is a necessity for us to control the narrative, control the message, because if we don’t, they’re still going to.

Obligations:

When armies with unequal numbers go into battle, a draw is a defeat for the lesser side.

Make believe it or not Radical Centrist politics have their political leanings as well, even if just by effect.

Look I like free speech, I love it, I’m a goddamn youtuber, but I’m not stupid, I know what’s coming, I know that groups would try and silence me if they could. That’s politics.

You might go “All we’re talking about is the legal sphere”. Firstly the legal is the political, pure ideology to say otherwise, but second it’s difficult for you to call yourself a fighter for free speech when as I’ve explained there’s sooo much more to it than simply the judicial.

Many proponents will even side-step the judicial boundaries anyway when monopoly becomes involved, and if I have to explain how Monopoly is not an externality of our system but an inherent part of accumulation then… sigh.

Strange how we’re usually all skeptical of an Economic Free Market but the Free marketplace of ideas unlocks your inner Libertarian.

Its when I see stuff like this that I begin wondering if this is all just a trend that will eventually die off when people realise the complexities of their circumstances. I remember just a few years ago how many Libertarians were speaking the merits of free speech until they discovered that methodological individualism wasn’t actually achieving their goals. I count down the days when Lauren Southern finally calls for limits on speech just like her limits on borders. After all freedom is not free it must be defended right?

And btw folks usually aren’t as brave to actively advocate limits so they’ll always present justifications, such as that these views are mental disorders, or they’ll destroy civilisation, or these people are Degenerates.

This is a historic moment in political discourse, at this point ultimately we’re interested in picking sides, and you’ll do this just as much as anyone will.

On the left we like to talk a lot about Left Unity. I’m not necessarily against the idea, but a lot of the time people make a religion out of it, glossing over the fact that many aspects of various factions (???) contradict. It might not be immediately obvious, but when push comes to shove these conflicts become very apparent. There are some principles in which each side certainly doesn’t see eye to eye.

“Politics is pervasive, everything is political and the choice to remain apolitical is usually just an endorsement of the status quo”

If it wasn’t obvious, I’m a Communist, yeah yeah say what you want, I believe in the liberation of those who do all the work through armed struggle based upon material conditions. I’m going to therefore be in favour of real mass culture, the stuff that gets people focused on achieving liberating aims instead of just appealing to markets. Its for this reason that I’m not interested in defending the views of right-wing nationalists, fascists, reactionaries… my enemies in other words, the ideas largely speaking which regress the people and they’re not interested in defending me either, wouldn’t expect them to.

If all you’re talking about is the centre, you’re gonna get flanked, sorry.

You might bump in when I denounce Dankula stating “His punishment showcases the system is at fault” and I would agree. This system is at fault, its been at fault since before our constitution was written, and it’ll never stop being at fault until you solve the contradictions.

Liberalism did fail, its ideals never came to fruition and that’s the reason why Socialists bring forth the praxis to achieve it, sometimes that’ll involve using words, sometimes it’ll involve lots and lots of guns, but let me tell you, you can’t always fight a war by playing nice, sometimes you have to use a diversity of tactics to achieve it.

Maybe we need 11 of them? (Shows book)

But thats more of a material answer and I know that most you don’t give a crap about some dead Chinese guy., but getting back to the original idea about responsibilities behind our speech, well, here’s something to think about.

So… here goes nothing.

If you’re a straight white male aged 11-16 in the UK and weren’t brought up to fit into the standard male dynamic, chances are you got picked on, sometimes a lot, sometimes that’s every day, not necessarily violence but words from numerous mouths are highly unnerving.

I did not have a particularly fun time adolescence. Every day was horrible, I never had a feeling going in that this would be exciting or, this would be a day where things would be different, everyday was a total black smudge with no end in sight.

Unlike other people, I never got to have a group that I fit into, so I had no escape, nothing to take my mind off things.

Looking back I don’t know why I bothered going in, I wasn’t getting amazing grades anyway.

When I went to Drama school and other clubs on the weekends and after school, I would also get picked on, but it wasn’t in spite, it was just general, friendly teasing. But there wasn’t a difference in my mind, because when you’ve had to deal with so much constant abuse, and paranoia, and humiliation 30 hours a week, it fucks you up.

So when Id say to the weekend buds “I dont like this” theyd go “Oh come on man its just a bit of fun, its okay, dont worry about it, its just a joke, its all okay”

Back then I didn’t have the nerve, I just put up with it, but if I could go back, Id say. No, actually its not Okay, because you don’t know for the life of me how much I have had to deal with this shit, to me that doesn’t come across like you’re being funny, like your laughing with me, it comes across like you’re a psychopath who wants to get pleasure out of my misfortune.

Of course the response to this would be obvious “Well what am I supposed to do? Just talk to you like a robot. You should just get over it, leave it in the past. Your making it harder for everyone” or some other faux-victimised response.

And sometimes y’know they might be right, maybe I should’ve not made worse a bad situation, but fact remains I still bleed.

To you, this is just having fun and games, to you and your other friends its normal, but to me its a threat.

Now today you can call me what you want I don’t care, I’m out of that place now and I’m all the better for it,

But even though some 7 or 8 years since then I’ve been able to recover, I still carry a hangover of it all, and it affected my decisions later on in life sometimes to a dire extent,

Its had the effect of making me feel both distrustful of people, and also like Im a burden to be around other people,

I never feel I should hang around for too long, I never want to take chances in friendship for fear I’ll embarrass myself, I say one thing out of tempo and suddenly flashbacks and an enormous shadow of mordor conjures over me. And I think most of all its been very difficult for me to express my emotions because I used to do it a hell of a lot.

Those 5 years were the single handed worst years of my life. And if you were at any point responsible for adding to that devastation and humiliation, then a large part of me wants to lash your goddamn skull inside out.

Because as trivial and generic as my story may be, that part of my life has been stolen from me, and those 5 years I will never get back.

So what’s the point of all this?

“Ossidents are sometimes surprised that, instead of buying a dress for their wife, the colonized buy a transistor radio. They shouldn't be, the colonized are convinced their fate is in the balance. They live in a doomsday atmosphere and nothing must elude them”

I want you to place the relatively minor experiences I received as a child, and translate those into other groups, victims of domestic abuse, victims of colonialism, racism, sexism, queer phobia. Like I said I’m out of that place now, but others aren’t, for many people they still live day to day in this ever pressing struggle, trying to just tell people “Please, just don’t do this”.

It’s not okay. But maybe together you’ll help me out with solving these problems?

My conclusion to this is simple,

Free Speech is not just something you can fling around to score political points, it doesn’t materialise simply because we all decide it should. If we want free-speech we need to break a few eggs to make an omelette.

We need to be sure that the conditions in society don’t proliferate toxic ideas that might even lead to the downfall of said society.

This very Tattoo that 90 years ago would’ve been Anti-Communist as hell has become a Pan-Left symbol against Fascism. Its living proof that with the correct methods the conditions of words, symbols, ideas can be resolved.

When class struggle subsides, when our social divides have been solved, when the conflict doesn’t oppose the existence of certain folks, then maybe, we can well and truly say that we can have free speech, and we’ll stand at a comedy show and yell “Yes, lets talk about those BEEP BEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP” and be met with cheering applause from all sides. But until then, Don’t be a dick.

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tsskyx · 3 years

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Unmeta

You know what’s ridiculous? This post was originally supposed to be an essay, an entire thesis backed with unshakable logic that I wanted to become my magnum opus. But as it turns out, I’m pretty terrible at doing that sort of thing. The first day I’m full of enthusiasm, while the next day I reread what I wrote and I delete it all again. It’s terrible.

For this reason, I’ve decided to just start with the opinion part. Instead of laying out the facts and easing the reader into it, I’ll just blurt everything out in one go. Instead of neatly organizing everything, I’ll write my thoughts as they come to me.

(Update for 2/Oct/2021: I no longer remember when I made the first draft of this post. Maybe it was in 2018, maybe even as early as 2017. Who knows. This post existed in my drafts since forever. It is time to finally publish it. It contains very little information, very little evidence for anything or logic or facts, it’s just a one big opinion piece that I began writing years ago out of frustration. Frustration not aimed at the game itself, nor at Toby or anyone else, but at my inability to decouple the “meta” from Undertale and thus causing me to disassociate from the characters that I loved, when I didn’t plan to do so. All I ever wanted is to make sense of the Undertale world, instead of giving its inhabitants a meta-existential dread. In a nutshell, for the Undertale world to be self-contained, the 4th wall must stay intact, and the mechanics of the UT world mustn’t resemble a video game. That’s basically the gist of this post. Proceed with reading.)

You know Undertale meta? All the 4th wall breaking stuff and whatnot? The stuff that makes the game so awesome?

What about it you say?

It’s not real. I don’t think it is. It cannot be.

Tell me, has Undertale personally impacted you? Was it more than just a game to you? I know for a fact that for many people, it was much more than that. So tell me, is it fine by you that despite presenting itself in this way to us, it still sort of cops out of this at the very end? (By which I mean, when we learn that we aren’t Frisk. That we’re just someone controlling them.)

Some say that this cop-out, this act of “disassociation”, is necessary for our psychological journey to end. And I agree. We cannot dwell on this forever, else we lose our minds. But what I meant is something much more... materialistic.

Let’s take Oneshot, a game that’s arguably even more meta than Undertale. Oneshot embraces the 4th wall. It labels us a god. It portrays the game itself as an in-game machine. And yet, it feels real. Despite all this ridiculousness, the story feels real and possible. Kind of like The Matrix. Perhaps think of everyone in Oneshot except for the main character as a Matrix program, while Niko is the only user hooked up to it. It still feels real, because Niko is real, because there exists a real world they can to return to.

But Undertale floats somewhere between being real and being a fairy tale, a mere bedtime story. The reason is its lax handling of the 4th wall. Say, if Undertale were to be considered a “real” possibility, as in, entirely fictional, but still believable, kinda like The Matrix, kinda like any science fiction, or just fiction in general, what would it be like?

I’ll tell you, everything would have to be real, everything would have to look exactly how we see it. There’d need to be turns, there’d need to be save files, there’d need to be so many bizarre things, it probably wouldn’t take long before the NPCs themselves realized their own nonexistence, probably around the time they developed computers and video games. It’d be so similar, they’d have to be either stupid or under some kind of spell to not realize that their entire world is just one giant video game. Especially Flowey. Some say that he has already realized this, as his dialogue hints towards this. Which puts a super unfortunate spin on his condition. Furthermore, the entire game could be described through its Game Maker code. No need for laws of physics, just observe the if-else statements!

It would also mean that Frisk is controlled by a third unknown entity. If we were to take everything we do to Frisk at face value, it must all be them. Except... after a true reset, everything gets reset, even things about Frisk, such as them expecting the whoopee cushion prank. So... Frisk isn’t in control. But Chara isn’t either. Take for example the final fight against Asriel. Chara appeared pretty enthusiastic during it. What if someone were to reset the timeline during the fight? Either it wasn’t them who did so, or they were just pretending to be entertained, or perhaps they aren’t the narrator in the first place even.

No matter what, there will always be an instance where Frisk forgets, and where Chara doesn’t do something when they could have. Once you mess with the game enough, their personalities stop making sense.

This gradual breakdown of the narrative as I keep attacking the logic of it from every direction imaginable is a symptom of something far bigger. The fact that unlike The Matrix or Oneshot, there is no “real world” in this game. The virtual part of it is what the game is trying to make us focus on. It’s all there is. There is not even a hint of “another” world in the game, a world that wouldn’t be governed by these terrible rules. And even if there was one, even if you consider what Sans said to be that world, even if you considered Deltarune to be that world, there is still no guarantee that everything will be okay. What if the characters - your friends, aren’t real in this actual real world, what if they’re all just computer simulations? There’d have to be an entire population hooked up to a virtual reality for everyone to be “safe” as I’m putting it in this hypothetical real world, which sounds not only ridiculous, but like a direct ripoff of The Matrix.

The game has made Frisk the main character. Why, when making Sans the main one, the one who at least has a possibility of coming from a “real” real world, would be far more logical?

Because it lacks logic. Undertale is an experiment. Toby Fox is not a genius. He was just messing around, he didn’t think of literally every tiny little logical detail (contrary to what some individuals would like to think), he just explained enough for most of the story to make sense. But, no matter how you spin it, this fundamental flaw will always be there. The story tries to merge you and the protagonist, before disassociating you from them. Even if you always were disassociated from them, how can the in-game world be real, when other aspects of your reality weren’t disassociated yet? Where’s the disassociation for battles and turns, for save files and time travel, for stats and everything? How can Undertale claim to be complete, when it isn’t? ... Perhaps because it is not claiming to be. It’s an experiment after all. And I don’t mean “incomplete” as in a single update / new game can fix it. I mean the premise itself is already broken from the start. And while there are many fictional worlds which function on a similar level of meta, Undertale is the only one that appears to irk me mad. I don’t know why. Maybe I love the characters. Maybe I love them very much. Maybe I love them so much, that I wanna write a fan fiction about them. And maybe, just maybe, this tiny little issue is making this dream of mine impossible. Undertale is a story conveyed through game mechanics. Choosing any other medium breaks everything down and the author needs to invent their own rules. There’s simply no way around it. Unless someone has the balls to program a fan game of their own, there’s just no way to resolve this without adjusting the canon a little bit, to make it “a little bit more sensible�� as some would put it. Just a small nudge, a lil’ nudgie wudgie to the canon mechanics AAAAAND we’re in fanon territory. Excellent, better go all out.

Here’s my head canon, my little “adjustment” of the canon rules. Thanks to it, I can once again think about Undertale as a real world, I no longer need to philosophize over the meta like I did above, I can all put it past me:

Saving, loading, resetting? Regular sci-fi time travel.

The save file? The parameters of the time machine.

LV and EXP? Another set of properties of the machine, though it could be properties of the soul too. I’m undecided on that note. But either works, that’s what’s important.

Chara destroying the world through LV? No, screw that, Chara merely tuned Frisk out. And the black void was the inside of their mind as Chara denied them access to their own body.

The intro? Literally never happened, no one “saw” it. (The past was still real. It’s just the intro that never existed.) The outro? Literally never physically occurred, Frisk wasn’t “stuck” on the ending credits, unable to go further, fuck that.

Flowey? No screw everything meta about Flowey, there exists a perfectly logical explanation to everything he says, and if not, such as in the genocide run with him hinting towards people watching but not acting... he never said that in the first place!

Same with turns, the battles don’t actually look that way, there are no turns, what Sans perceives and abuses as such is just an illusion, the actual battle against Sans is absolutely fluid. And him pausing at the end and not letting us go is him keeping his guard up, until falling asleep and giving us an opportunity to sneak near him and strike. We don’t need turns to explain it. And what he said about turns... just ignore it! Ignore everything that directly proves me wrong! Because resolving that fucking conundrum IS more important than being logically consistent, and you can’t change my mind on that. Screw logic when the foundation of the entire fandom, of every UT-related fiction, is at stake here.

And I shall call this philosophy... the Unmeta. Because it attempts to undo the meta. Hence, “unmeta” for short.

#undertale

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dalyunministry · 3 years

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Pastor. Johnraj Lamech, India

💎

Greetings in the matchless Name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Topic: What to speak when we suffer as we will have to give account of it on the day of judgement?

Rhema Word: Matthew 12:35-37 “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Let’s pray. Our Gracious Loving Father, thank you for giving us an opportunity to meditate your Word today. Thank you Holy Spirit for helping us to understand your Words which are living and active. Please help us to live a life as per your Word Lord. We give all the Glory and Honour to you Lord. We pray in the mighty Name of your beloved Son Jesus Christ. Amen.

Apostle James while talking about qualities needed in trials says in James 1:19-20 “My beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” If patience is the mark of perfection, patience in words is the crown of a perfect life. Most of our troubles are due to our carelessness in words. Relationships are damaged by hasty and harsh words. Fellowship with God is also disturbed by impatient words. God is angered more by our words than our deeds.

Controlling the tongue when everything is calm and we are composed is easy, and it requires no special effort. But when we are agitated with anger and agonizing in anguish, we speak out what we are not supposed to. God does not ignore what we speak in such moments. Rather He takes a serious view of it. The Book of Job vividly illustrates this point. What God said at the end of the story is a sober truth. He told Eliphaz, ”I am angry with you and with your two friends, for you have not been right in what you said about Me, as My servant was” (Job 42:7).

No one other than Jesus suffered mentally and physically like Job. The Bible admonishes us to follow the “patience of Job” in James 5:10-11 ”My brethren, take the prophets, who spoke in the name of the Lord, as an example of suffering and patience. Indeed, we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord—that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful.” What Job spoke when he suffered is worthy of close meditation. Based on his words approved and appreciated by the Almighty, we need to make following confessions as we go through the furnace of suffering and fires of testing.

1] Praise God for everything!

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Praise the Name of the Lord! (Job 1:21(b)). When the lips of Job gave birth to these words, it was an absolutely real confession, which sprang from a heart of honesty. The losses of Job were by no means ordinary. Death of his cattle, their caretakers and his children, all in quick succession! (Job 1:13-19). To worsen the situation, he became sick with an abominable disease.

In the very next verse of the narrative the Holy Spirit has recorded, “In all of this, Job said nothing wrong!” (Job 2:10(b)). Job’s understanding was that God was supreme and sovereign; Satan was simply His servant! How profound was the theology of this patriarch! It was this knowledge that made Job praise God for everything in every situation.

In Acts 16 the Holy Spirit has recorded another incident wherein how Paul and Silas were praising and praying when they were thrown into prison. Acts 16:19-26 ”When her owners realized that their hope of making money was gone, they seized Paul and Silas and dragged them into the marketplace to face the authorities. They brought them before the magistrates and said, “These men are Jews, and are throwing our city into an uproar by advocating customs unlawful for us Romans to accept or practice.” The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten with rods. After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. When he received these orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.”

We are taught to “be always thankful, no matter what happens, for this is God’s will for us who belong to Christ Jesus” (1 Thes.5:18). We may not “feel” like praising God while we are crushed by pain and problems. It doesn’t matter, praise God anyway. Praise God when you don’t feel like praising Him. Keep on praising Him until you feel like praising Him!

2] Accept whatever God allows!

Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” (Job 2:10).

The Bible records in Ecclesiastes 7:14 ”When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future.”

In the life of Jonah, the Bible says in Jonah 4:6-11 “Then the Lord God provided a leafy plant and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the plant. But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the plant so that it withered. When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind, and the sun blazed on Jonah’s head so that he grew faint. He wanted to die, and said, “It would be better for me to die than to live.” But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?” “It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.” But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”

Let us check ourselves…How many times we behaved like Jonah in our lives? Let us also see the compassionate heart of our loving God towards His concern for the great city of Nineveh. Yes, God is having concern for everyone and permits certain things in our lives to make us understand His heart.

Only when we are thoroughly convinced of the sovereignty of God and that nothing goes beyond His control and happens without His permission, we can sing with apostle Paul that all things work together for good even if it is calamity or danger (Romans 8:28,35). This conviction leads us to unshakable confidence and we are enabled to “be patient in trouble” (Romans 12:12). Folks may guess and say hundred and one things about our suffering. But we can assure ourselves by asking, “Who does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this?” (Job 12:9).

Remember, what God says in Isaiah 45:5-7 ”I am the Lord, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting people may know there is none besides me. I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things.”

3] Be open to correction!

”Teach me, and I will be silent; and show me how I have erred.” (Job 6:24).

God has no pleasure in our suffering. If we sinful people desire that our children should be happy and healthy, how much more will our heavenly Father desire so for His children! But if suffering is an incomparable means to correct us and teach us His ways, will the Heavenly Father spoil us by sparing that rod?

The testimony of Psalmist David is that of all prophets, patriarchs and people who walked closely with God in their generations. He confessed to God, “The suffering You sent was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to Your principles…I used to wander off until You disciplined me; but now I closely follow Your word” (Psalm 119:71,67). Our lips may not instantly utter such words when adverse winds blow on us. But if we recollect the outcome of the sufferings of the past, we will stay patient instead of turning bitter. The author of the Epistle to the Hebrews has written for us these timeless words: “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening – it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way” (Hebrews 12:11).

Remember, life’s lessons are not learnt overnight. For God, He never changes and he is not in a hurry. Times are in His hands. Patience and perseverance are inevitable. No wonder the saints of old called “suffering” a school!

4] We are unworthy of God’s favour!

”What is man that You magnify him, and that You are concerned about him?” (Job 7:17)

We may be asking lot of questions. Have I not walked in integrity? Why then does God let me suffer like this? Have I not served Him faithfully all these years? Why then did He allow this calamity in my life? Have I not been unselfish and sacrificial in my dealings with people? Why then did He permit this loss in my business? Have I not loved Him so dearly that I never enjoyed any ungodly pastime? Why then does He punish me like this in displeasure? These questions flood our minds and fill our mouths when we suffer.

Though these questions may appear sensible, they are wrong. We need to correct our thinking. We don’t add anything to God by our offerings or service. He is absolutely absolute in Himself and He does not need anything from us. Acts 17:25 says “And He is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything. Rather, He himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else.” Psalmist Asaph also says in Psalm 50:7-13 ”“Listen, my people, and I will speak; I will testify against you, Israel: I am God, your God. I bring no charges against you concerning your sacrifices or concerning your burnt offerings, which are ever before me. I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects in the fields are mine. If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is mine, and all that is in it. Do I eat the flesh of bulls or drink the blood of goats?”

Remember, He won’t feel miserable or helpless if we desert Him. We don’t do Him favour by serving Him. Rather, we are fortunate to be called by Him. He doesn’t in the strict sense need us; we need Him. The right confession would be what a man like Paul made in 1 Corinthians 15:9-10 ”For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.” Further he says in Ephesians 3:7-8 ”I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God’s grace given me through the working of his power. Although I am less than the least of all the Lord’s people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the boundless riches of Christ.”

Job seems to have had a better understanding of God’s grace than we who are living in the dispensation of grace. He said in Job 9:14-15 ”“How then can I dispute with him? How can I find words to argue with him? Though I were innocent, I could not answer him; I could only plead with my Judge for mercy.” Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

5] Trust God in darkness!

Job 9:10-11 “He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. When he passes me, I cannot see him; when he goes by, I cannot perceive him.”

Remember, it is the “why” and “what” questions which disturb our equilibrium and make us pour out words of impatience while suffering. There will be calm in spite of storm if only we know “who” is in control.

God is light and He is in the light. This is only one side of divine revelation. Solomon the wise had known the other side. He once prayed, “O Lord, You have said that You would live in thick darkness” (1 Kings 8:12). Psalmist says in Psalms 97:1-2 ”The Lord reigns, let the earth be glad; let the distant shores rejoice. Clouds and thick darkness surround him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne.”

Christian life is comparable to a walk from the outer court to the innermost sanctuary through the holy place of the Tabernacle. There is sunlight in the outer court, candlelight in the inner court, but no light in the innermost court. One has to walk there only in faith and not by sight or any other sense (2 Corinthians 5:7). In heavenly Jerusalem also there will be no lamplight or sunlight, but the Lord Himself will be the light (Revelation 22:5). When we walk in faith, quit asking questions, and quiet the turbulent mind, it will be heaven on earth even if the times would be worst ever.

In our humanness we may cry out, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?” But we should quickly commit ourselves to Him, saying, “Father, I entrust My spirit into Your hands!” (Matthew 27:46, Luke 23:46). Isaiah says in Isaiah 50:10 “Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let the one who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on their God.”

6] Serve a God worth suffering for!

Job 13:15 “Though God slay me, I will hope in Him”

Bless God when He blesses you; but curse Him when He crushes you!” This was the philosophy of Mrs. Job (Job 2:8-10). Sadly, many believers are ruled by this philosophy. We may not actually “curse” God, but what do we do when we don’t praise Him? If we follow Jesus only “because of” the blessings we receive from Him, our relationship and religion are utilitarian. Following Him “in spite of” buffetings and brickbats is true service and pure worship.

What the three Hebrew young men spoke before King Nebuchadnezzar weakened his strategy. They politely but firmly said, “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. But even if He does not, Your Majesty can be sure that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up!” (Daniel 3:17-18). The early disciples had the same spirit. The Bibles says in Acts 5:40-42 ” And they agreed with him, and when they had called for the apostles and beaten them, they commanded that they should not speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. So they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for His name. And daily in the temple, and in every house, they did not cease teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ.”

As we approach the end of end times, our days of adversity seem to outnumber the days of prosperity. That will be no excuse for our murmuring and complaints. Because, in the very first instance we are called not only to believe on Christ but also to suffer for Him (Phil.1:29). The New Living Translation renders it as the “Privilege of suffering!” An active Christian earns the frown of the devil. The devil will attack him in all areas of his life – physical, mental, spiritual, financial and social. If Christ died for us, no suffering of ours will be too much, and no sacrifice too great!

7] Look forward to the future glory!

Job 19:25-27 “I know that my Redeemer lives, and He shall stand at last on the earth; and after my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!

What lies beyond death and grave is the greatest strengthener of our feeble hands and weak knees. We have every reason to be agitated and lose patience in suffering if there is no life after death. How many long hours we sometimes wait in visa issuing offices to travel overseas! How much we rejoice when the visa is finally stamped on our passports! How much more patient should we be today for the glory land we would enter tomorrow! Yes, that is why Paul says in Romans 8:18 “I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

When we lose patience in any situation, virtues leave us one by one, and vices lift up their ugly heads. We suddenly realize that we have spoken detestable words which are too many to be taken back. If we are quiet and confident, we can declare as Job declared in Job 23:10, “God knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.”

8] Rewards of Patience and remorse of impatience we learn from The Bible!

Abraham complicated matters and delayed the fulfilment of God’s promises because of his impatience.

Moses’ impatience cost him entry into the Land of Promise.

Jacob’s shortcuts and schemes were ultimately to his disadvantage.

Joseph’s patience for many long years was rewarded with glorious exaltation.

The young widow Ruth won the heart of Boaz because she waited patiently according to her mother-in-law’s instructions.

King Saul lost his crown and anointing because of impatience.

David waited patiently for his time and God made him the most celebrated King of Israel.

Elisha patiently served Prophet Elijah and received the mantle of double anointing.

Nehemiah patiently continued his work in spite of threats and discouragements, and completed the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem for the glory of God and the good of His people.

The patient trust and confidence of Mordecai on the God of Salvation brought joy and honour to the Jews.

Daniel’s patience in prayer brought splendid revelations of the endtime.

Because of impatience Prophet Jonah was out of step with the God of patience.

The patience of Jesus as we observe in the Gospels, is amazing. He was patience personified. No wonder the most beloved disciple called himself as the “companion of the patience of Jesus” (Rev. 1:9).

Remember, there will be no Bible history if God had not been patient. He never gave up on man. The repentances of every sinner celebrates the patience of God in the portals of Heaven.

Remember, no other virtue like patience needs so much patience to cultivate it. When we lose patience, we lose everything. All the good things we have done can be destroyed by one act of impatience.

Shall we declare as Paul says in Romans 5:2(b)-5 ”And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”?

Shall we make following confessions as we go through the furnace of suffering and fires of testing?

Shall we praise God for everything?

Shall we accept whatever God allows in our lives?

Shall we open to corrections by God?

Shall we humble ourselves as we are unworthy of God’s favour?

Shall we trust our God in darkness too?

Shall we serve our God with whole heart though He slays us?

Shall we look forward to the future glory as Job saw in his vision?

Shall we confess as Psalmist that it was good for us to be afflicted so that we might learn God’s decrees?

Shall we glorify our Lord in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope as hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us?

Let us Pray: Heavenly Gracious Father, we thank you for helping us to understand about “What to speak when we suffer as we will have to give account of it in the day of judgement” Lord. Please help us to praise you for ever thing happening in our lives, to accept whatever You allow in our lives, to open ourselves for corrections, to humble ourselves before you Lord, to trust you in our darkest moments as well Lord, to serve you with our whole heart though you slay us Lord and to look forward to the future glory Lord when you come. Please help us to be patient and stand firm as the Lord’s coming is so near and run our race by fixing our eyes on you Lord. We give all praise, glory and honour to your Holy Name Lord. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

God bless you all..

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