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marisol124 · 15 days

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I need lore for Zorua Carmine pls? :0

I apologize in advance for how long of a read this may be Its a copy and paste from when i was explaining the whole thing to a friend on discord so sorry if theres a bit of context missing from some parts- This might be around 1k words im so sorry. I am not normal about the kitakami siblings.

warning for drowning and child death (Y E A H)

The au starts with The Drednaw Incident™ (I can't go into detail about it currently, but for now... lets just say that itll be explained on the rp blog i run 👁️)

Carmine still feels so horribly guitly for the whole thing. she feels she was responsible for the whole mess. for her mothers death.

and kieran, he too is so torn up about it. he doesnt WANT to blame his sister, but hes an emotionally torn apart like 6 year old, i dont think young kids aremature enough to realise what is or isnt someones fault

SO, one day, the siblings are having their usual arguements. but it just keeps escalating, getting worse and worseeventually it gets to the point where its like WAYYY too far. carmine says something bad and then kieran claps back with "WELL, maybe if you didnt *kill* mom then, then i..."

he IMMEDIATLY knows he fucked up bad, but its not like he can undo it

carmine just. just stands there in shock for a bit. She knows its true, but nobodys ever said it outloud. its the first time. and from her *brother* off all people, the one who her horrible mistake affected the most...

She just stands there for a bit, then looks down at her hand. she sees it covered in blood, like in her nightmares

it just. replays for her. the nigihtmares where SHES the one killing her mother

Kieran goes to hold her shoulders, to apologize because yeah he said the most out of pocket shit ever

but it just scares carmine. her anxietys so bad she starts to run. she doesnt know where shes going but she just knows she needs to get far away

she ends up back at the timeless woods, to the spot where they were attacked

she runs to the little pond in there, for some reason like searching for a drednaw, hell even a chewtle. something to kill her i guess D:

she runs so fast that she accidently trips far into the lake. and the silly thingis. she never learned how to swim so :3

also, her grandparents and kieran are trailing behind her, but since carmine had a lot of a head start- they kinda lose her once they reached the woods

she starts to drown in the lake, unable to get back up. she regrts everything, she only now realises how much of a coward she is to die. she doesnt want to die here

but she also thinks, maybe shes just such an idiot that she deserves to drown here in a small pond, never to be found again.

eventually after a bit of running around, kieran reaches the pond and looks down it, just in case. then yep, there she is. carmine looks at him and tries to feebly reach her arm out, but both of them are too small to reach each other at all

he yells for his grandparents to get over there, right now, and eventually their grandfather reaches them, jumps in to get carmine, and bring her back to land

however shes just. swallowed and breath in too much water at this point. they try to get it out, but its useless. it wont come out

the last thing she sees before dying is just. the horrified look in all of their faces. kiki is staring directly at her, everybodys eyes are full of tears. it wasnt supposed to go like this

finally, her eyes go from looking back into kierans to just... nothing. her eyes still open but there was nothing behind them. the light in them had faded. her body had gone completely limp

their grandparents keep trying and trying, but eventually they have to admit that shes gone now. there was nothing they can do about it.

now its KIERANS turn to feel disgustingly guilty. he said the thing that set her off in the first place. whoospie

so yeah... they go back home. they grieve. they do all that stuff...

however, unbeknownst to them, a bit after her death, her spririt, her guilt, her regret, it solidified itself and turned into... a little zorua

i wanna take some inspo from pkiki for it... like a sort of fuzzy memory... not being fully aware of herself but knowing she used to be a human..

she spends so long just wandering around the wilds, aimless but knowing there was something missing, making the zorua feel so empty

shortly after she wakes up she meets a friendly trevenant

it takes pity on her, for it also remembers seeing her and her mother back during the drednaw incident

it cares after her while she has no idea what she's doing as a pokemon, she just feels so much body dysmorphia and doesn't know why

he tells her stories of back when he was a human as well, guides her through this whole thing

though he does recommend for her to stop trying to get her old life back...

as he has tried before too and it lead him into horrible mental states that lead to nothing. just a bunch of worrying over nothing...

he's not being malicious doing this btw, he just doesn't want her going through the same usless pain as he did

but carmine is a strong and persistent spirit, so it doesn't deter her much. just makes her hesitat a bit and accept her more feral side eventually...

she and the trevenant grow very close, the trevenant reminds her of someone she used to love so much.. someone who was always there for her..

But, one day...

also dw about the trevenant. he's just looking out for her in a way that's not helpful for her 😔

like. like think of a mother being afraid of letting their child do something a bit risky

but they know their child wants to do it so bad, so they set aside that nervousness to help them achieve their goal. that's kinda how trevenant and carmine r

Going back to Kieran in this story, he ended up picking up mask making as kind of a coping skill, his grandpa being his mentor

SO, he and his grandpa end up going to the timeless woods one day, to cut down a few trees for more materials

-ough maybe she likes to illusion herself into a phantump... it makes her feel a bit closer to the trevenant and the slightly more humanoid pokemon feels just a bit better than a zorua..........-

ok so when Kieran and his grandpa are at the forest, grandpa chops down a tree, and then hands the ax to Kieran to try

So Kieran goes to cut a tree down.. but it's actually the trevenant sleeping (I like to think they're a bit nocturnal, zoruas too)

this angers him and so he then gets up suddenly, scaring the shit out of the two people

They've been through this before. They've seen how aggressive the pokemon here could get. They knew the dangers of this forest and. they. were scared. they would be the next fatalities in this cursed woods

The trevenant attacks Kieran, it scares him so bad, BUT THEN

carmine sees it going to attack and just.. she feels something so strong looking at the two. she can't put her finger on it but she knows they are what she's looking for

so as trevenant attacks, she jumps in front of Kieran to take the attack

the force throws her into a rock, she looks a bit at the shocked faces of kieran and his grandpa before quickly fainting

this is the first times she's fainted btw. the sudden pokemon attack gives her bad flashbacks too

trevenant is shocked by this, he didn't mean to hurt her at all

he figures that if she jumped out to save them, then she doesn't want them killed so he won't attack them anymore..

grandpa has some pokemon stuff on hand, intedned for their own pokemon but when you find a pokemon in need you gotta help them out right

he gently gives her a revive, waking her up again

She's really freaked out when she gets back up, panicking from the attack still

she notices the two and trevenant and while trevenant expects her to go to him for comfort, she instead leaps into kierans arm for some reason

it catches him off guard, the sudden lunge scaring him and making him drop her

when she hits the floor she looks back up at him kinda hurt, trying her best to communicate she wasn't bad and she wanted to go with them, it all came out as growls and barks though

his grandpa though is a bit experienced with pokemon so he gets it though, telling Kieran that it's not going to bite

the two decide they should leave and head back home, but the zorua refuses to let go of kieran so, they end up just agreeing to bring it with them. it was a bit injured after all, and could probably use some medical attention

carmine looks back at the trevenant, he just stands there and in a silent type of way wishes her the best

kinda a sweet goodbye for them

so then they head back home... heal her up a bit more. they were going to release her back into the woods but it refused to leave, so yep to them it's like they found a silly little stray and now that's a new part of their family

though they do find it a bit strange that when they offered to catch it, it absolutely refused lmao

I like to think kieran reached out his hand with a pokeball in it as an offer, and then she just slaps it out of his arms hehhe

so after like the first night of having her in the house, they start to introduce her to their other pokemon, just to like start incorporating her into the family

the first one they introduce her to is kierans sentret, since its usually out of its ball roaming the house. HOWEVER they find it really... unnatural that the sentret immediately ran towards her in a concern type of way, it seemed to sniff her and realize something, chipping a lot at kieran, as if trying to say something...

the other pokemon don't really know who she is but, they just have the slightest of feelings that it's someone kieran used to know

so yeah the pokemon are kinda all over her, but they do make quick friends with her :D

this is were the "finding herself" arc begins jehdudhjf

she spies photos of her sometimes around the house and just... looks at it intently

there's something about that girl that she just... can't understand what it is about her

I think.. the silly thing I'm doing with this au is symbolizing her humanity with her headband :3

since it was such an important thing to her, they kinda uh buried it with her

so as she slowly starts to remember herself more, she ends up wanting to illusion herself back into a human again. to be able to show Kieran and her grandparents who she is

but the key to doing that is the headband...

OK THE COPY PASTE IS DONE. Yeah its a lot XD.

#tcz!carmine #the confused zorua au #the confused zorua #marisols rambles #pokemon carmine #pokemon kieran #marisols answers

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faintedlcve · 2 months

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LUCY HELLOOOOO. your local (tumblr the state) annoying mutual is going to haunt your inbox HI <3

you said your current obsession is hazbin hotel SO. TELL ME ABOUT IT. i had no idea what it is but i just searched it up to get the gist of it and it sounds soooooo cool omg. like who’s your favorite character(s) so far!!!! what’s your favorite episode (if you have one)!! and maybe favorite dynamics and why!!! feel free to rant bestieee <3 I LOVE YOUUU and i hope you’re doing well 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

NADINE HIIII SORRY ABOUT HOW LATE THIS IS OMG ANSJFNENSNF (also btw just so you know you can never be annoying i love getting asks from you <3) THANK YOU SM FOR THIS ASK OMG AKJSDHKASJHF

MAJOR hazbin hotel spoilers under the cut!! also mentions of stabbing and sexual themes because, well, it's hell and this show is literally about killings and its a mature content show lmao reader discretion is advised

the keep reading thing keeps moving what the fuck

hazbin hotel loml <3 djkasddsh im actually so obsessed with it you don't even get it like its crazyyy im brainrotting so hard abt this show lajshdjahsd

my favourite characters are like all of them angel, lucifer, adam, charlie and vaggie. and additional character lute bc she managed to scare adam but as i've said before this changes constantly lmao asjdhasjkdh

as i have also stated before i absolutely do NOT!! condone adams actions hes the antagonist i know and hes definitely not a good character (in fact my reaction was literally vaggies when he got stabbed oh my god akjsdjhkajshf) but HES FUNNY AS FUCK ASKJDJHASKJHFD but i assume he'd be very annoying to hang around lmao much like me <33 (just the annoying part, i havent committed mass genocide as of yet but im also only 19!! IM JOKINGDAJJSDHJKASHD) hes actually so funny and his reaction to stuff makes me laugh so hard. his reactions are so blunt like charlie literally stopping his super duper powerful attack and about to throw him and him just going 'woah what the fuck' or when charlie literally STABS him and he goes 'THE FUCK? THAT HURT' askjdasjghh everytime he was on screen i laughed so hard oh my god 😭 AND HIM GOING 'call me dickmaster' to charlie and charlie being so fed up AHKJSDHKAJSHFSLJJAHDSKJH OH MY GOD 😭 i will cry if he isnt in the next season. yes, hes a shitty character, yes i hate what he did he totally deserved that death btw but hes so fucking funny oh my god 😭

anyways, angel is just soo funny the way he deadpans everything, like something could be so important and he just goes 😐 is just so funny to me 😭 he's literally so funny to me you dont even understand lmao and his jokes alsdkhasfhjkl i saw someone say him and blitzø (from a show by the same creator set in the same place: hell) would be best friends and i totally agree alsdhasjkh also HIM PLAYING WITH THE WINDOW IN THE PILOT LIKE A LITTLE KID AKJSDHKAJSGKASGRFKSB and i feel so bad for him bc of ep 4 </3 i will cry (i did cry) like hes literally getting abused and everything is an act EVEN HIS VOICE?!??? DUDEE

lucifer oh my god eljashdjjhdg he is also so funny 😭 'my daughter wants to see me TAKE THAT DEPRESSION' IM DYING DUDEEE and his little rubber ducks 😭 ajsdhaksjdhah hes painted as such a scary character in the pilot and then you see him and youre like dude 😭 hes so funny 😭 and traumatised 😭and depressed 😭 and cute (not like appearance cute i mean like a cute dad and how he gets so happy when charlie calls him)😭 and actually not a bad dad i wish my dad was like that :(( AND HIM PICKING UP A CALL FROM HIS OWN DAUGHTER, CHARLIE, AND GOING 'HEYYY BITCHHH' ASLDKJHASKJHFAJSHJK AND LUCIFER AND ADAM LITERALLY FIGHTING AND LIKE TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER AND LUCIFER GOING 'well your first wife didnt seem to hate what i had to offer. or the second bowchikawowow' DUDE HES SO ADJKAGKFSAGKHADSGFDSAHF

charliee <333 CHARLIEEE <333 i love charlie so much she's such a lil cutie and im like a little in love with her dudeee 😭 shes the ony character in the world whose random song outbursts i can tolerate kjahdahsd her va is actually so good at voicing her oh my god and her va's singing voice wow i love ittt smmm and charlie randomly insul.ting everyone in the pilot 'ALL YOU CRETINS SLUTS AND LOSERS SEXUAL DEVIANTS AND BOOZERS AND PRESCRIPTION DRUG ABUSERS' DUDE AJSHDAJKSHDF 😭

AND VAGGIEEE!!! shes actually so smart i know like charlie knows better than to make a deal with the devil (or... not? because she does end up making one) but like vaggies is the real reason. because if vaggie wasnt there she wouldve. infact, while her and vaggie werent talking charlie actually does omg 😭 but also just shows how selfless charlie is willing to give up her freedom (ish) for her people i would never dude but anyways!! vaggie!! and the fact that stephanie beatriz voices her oh my god i love her sm her voice is sooo relaxing

AND FINALLY!! LUTE!! her traumatising adam is my favourite thing everrr adam is so fucking batshit so its soo hard to scare him and then lutes there causing adam to do a fucking double take and process it adams literaly reaction 'did you just... woah chill lute what the fuck' and like SAME ADAM SAME ALSDNASJHFJA

favourite episode? probably 6 it has like most of my favourite character (minus lucifer :(() and like angel being used an example omg and him sticking it to the moth man (valentino) OH MY GODD and niffty 😭😭 oh my god niffty shes such a menace and i love her so much my god her literally ripping his fur and then going "FOR MY COLLECTION : ) IS SO FUNNY ASJKDDHKASJHF and sir pentious' anxiety!! 'CHERRI I WOULD LIKE TO BUY YOU A DRINK... BECAUSE IM BUYING EVERYONE A DRINK HERE' AND THEN HIM GOING 'CHERRI WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO THE... SEX WITH ME' and cherri going 'uh why would we have sex' and then pentious going 'BECAUSE IM HAVING SEX WITH EVERYONE HERE' DUDE THAT HAD ME SOBBING 😭 AND EMILY!!! shes a real angel going against all the other ones standing by charlies statement that angel can, in fact, be redeemed and so can any other sinner!! her going out of her way to help charlie willing to fall even!! and they literally look like sisters asdgahsdgjgh emily is sooo charlie as an angel

favourite dynamics!!! im not exactly sure what you mean by that so sorry if i understood it wrong <33

husk and angel. i am a diehard huskerdust shipper sue me. loser baby is literally so cute and theyre literally made for each other idc its literally a extrovert (angel) and introvert ish (husk) relationship much like charlie and vaggies charlie being the extrovert and vaggie being the introvert (sorta) and i just love that so muchh and the way he puts on a show for angel despite saying hes not gonna put on a show for anyone hehe UGHHH I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHH ASLKDKHALSJKFH

lute and adam. while i dont ship them their relationship is literally so funny and probably one of the best ones imo lmao its like toxic batshit person meets toxic batshit person 😭 lute and adam are literally so crazy and LUTES REACTION WHEN ADAM DIES AND THE FIRST TIME SHE SAYS HIS NAME AND THE WAY HE SMILES AT HER AS HES SLOWLY DYING OH MY GOD MY HEARTTT I WILL LITERALLY EXPLODE AJSHFKSAJFFJHHDFFNVNMB AND THEN THEM SINGING TOGETHER IN YOU DIDNT KNOW?? (coincidentally that bit is playing rn while i typed this lmao) theyre literally such a funny duo like best duo or whattttt

charlie and vaggie. thats all. i dont even need to expand. girlfriends <3 i love them together

lucifer and alastor omg. also i do not ship them at all what the fuck ew. (sorry if you do <33 but also not sorry => this isnt specifically aimed at you nadine lol just in case someone else is reading this jjahsjfhaskjh) i just found their dad off so funny 😭 ajkdhsakjdhaksjh theyre so funny actually i cant even with them hells greatest dad is literally such a funny song and llucifer aggresively playing violin as alastor plays the piano 😭

and angel and vaggie?? like i know we dont see a lot of them but they give me sibling vibes aldhksajhajh

charlie and angel bc when she hugs him and apologises ohmy god :(( and her crying when he forgives her like HE FORGAVE MEEEEE!! also sibling dynamic lmao

charlie and emily theyre literally siblings change my mind

i can say so much more but oh my god i need to shut up lmao i wrote a tiny bit too much 😭😭

and charlie with literally anyone shes literally so pure and sweet and cute and i love her and she gets along with literally anyone (maybee apart from adam and lute lajsdhjkashf) i mean to be fair her and adams dynamic is so funny 😭 adam is literally like 'call me dickmaster' traumatising this innocent (ish) child and then her being so fed up ajsdhakjshdkfjash

PENTIOUS AND CHERRY. AHDJDNSNZBFNR. THATS ALL. I THINK THE REASON EP 6 IS MY FAVOURITE IS BC OF THEIR INTERACTIONS AJDNDNNSNC

thank you SO much for this askk <33 i love youuuu <33 and i hope your day is going amazing!!

#sky im watching you #asks #nadine <3 #catastrxblues #moots <3 #hazbin hotel #lucy.txt #luce posts 💌#lucy rambles

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ghostlysenses · 1 year

Text

Dont get attached

Tommyinnit x reader platonic

this has been in my drafts for months, i finished it right before I had left, but now im back and I thought I might as well post it c:

TW: ANGST! Death!

enjoy!!

It had happened

the thing he dreaded so much

he got attached

he couldn’t help it

who can?

You were so nice, you treated him like a real person, you had cared about him and him you, you listened!

He could go on and on

but then

something happened

the thing he dreaded the most

he got exiled, he got exiled and there was nothing he could do about it.

Dream had took on a boat and to far, FAR away place.

he couldnt reach you, he couldnt see you, and there was no way he could he hear you.

during his time in exile the only thing he could think about was how you would be comforting him, telling him he’s okay and that everything will turn out fine.

and there were nights where he wished on all the stars that you would come and visit him.

But

you never did

Tommy was so mad

he had gotten attached and the person who he cared for so much and who he thought cared about him

hadnt even visited him

he was angry

when he went to technos

he decided to live there under his floors in a small cave he made himself

of course techno found him and decided to help him.

Him and techno came up with an amazing scheme to help him get back into lmanburg

but even then dreamed seemed to stick around

He had confronted everyone at the community center but

he couldnt find

you.

Where we’re you?

why did nobody know where you were?

what was going on?

He didn’t know how long it would be until he saw you again, but he decided he didnt need you anymore anyways, you clearly didnt care about him so why should he care about you?

During the war afterwords he didnt even see a glimpse of you, through all the rubble and mist he couldn’t find you.

He had thought you had just left one day, gone to a different place

but he was wrong

at some point tommy gave up on finding you, he stopped looking, stopped caring.

It seemed as though you never existed in the first place.

The disc war came and it was time for tommy and tubbo to go.

this was the first time in a long time that you had crossed his mind.

he didnt know why you didnt even come to say goodbye before his potential death, but he shook that thought out of his head and went on.

Him and tubbo fought

it was bloody

it was gruesome

but then a plot twist happened

and dream had took them to some kind of dungeon

where he kept everyones most important things

as they entered they looked around and saw rows of things that people had just deemed ‘missing’ and then he saw the most scariest thing of all

You

You were stuck behind bars, sitting in a small room.

you looked tired, beaten, and frankly

it broke his heart

you hadn’t left him, or gone missing, or went somewhere else.

you were stuck here

trapped

and he knew what it was like to be stuck with dream

and he was fucking pissed

He and tubbo went up to dream, angry, mad.

thats when dream revealed his weapon

“keep acting out tommy” he said in a low voice

he had gone up to a secret door and then came out with you

a fist in your hair as he dragged you out

he grabbed a hold of your chin

“and ill fucking kill them”

Tommy was scared, he didnt know what to do

“you fucking bastard” he said roughly

“what the hell did you do to them?!” tubbo shouted

“I took control! i did what i had too!” dream laughed as he pulled you closer

“now its either tubbo, or her and the discs, pick”

Tommy was shocked at dreams words

“Pick me! come on tommy we have to get her out of here”

Tommy was conflicted

“tick tock tommy!” dream yelled

“i-“ he couldnt even muster any words, what could he say?

“tommy please! you deserve the discs! and they deserve to be free! ill be fine” tubbo kept trying to beg him

you on the other hand were silent as a rock, nobody blamed you, you’re whole body was in shock and so were you

All tommy could do was think right now and dream was an impatient motherfucker

“fuck it, times up tommy”

“No no!! wait!”

and just like that a sword was in your stomach

ironic

as soon as you were stabbed everyone had arrived

and god was it a sight to see

Dreams sword in your stomach

It didnt even take a second for everyone to run up and get dream off you and all he did was laugh

You started falling to the ground

tommy caught you in his arms

shouting your name

“Y/N!!! Y/N!!! Stay with me!!! come on!!”

There was no way in gods given HELL you were going to die in his arms especially right after seeing you again for the first time in months!

Punz ran over and kneeled down

he grabbed a healing potion and put on the wound and then had you drink some

it hardly worked you were still weak but it gave you a few more minutes of life…

You looked up at tommy

“hey…its been awhile huh?” you laugh a bit

he just smiles and hugs you, tears pouring

Punz is screams that they need more healing

You smiled “Im gonna be okay tommy, ill come back, one day”

he cries harder

You died in his arms that day

afterwords dream was sent to prison

and tommy learned a valuable life lesson

never

get

attached.

#tommyinnit x reader #dream mcyt #tommyinnit #dsmp #dream smp #dream smp x reader

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mrsfrecklesmarauders · 8 months

Text

Happy Birthday Grant Chapman! :

Grant knew he didn't deserve love. He had seen real love once. He didn't remember how old he was, he was probably little. He didn't know where was this. And he certainly didn't remember the faces of the lovers. There were a boy and a girl discussing about something on the street. Grant didn't recall what they were saying but they spoke, yelled, cried. But then Grant remembered that before the girl left, the boy stopped her. He screamed 'I love you' many times. The way they kissed, they way they cried into each other's shoulders. The way they looked at each other. The way he grabbed her face it was from out of this world.

Grant knew he would never have that kind of love. For starters because he was queer and queer folks didn't get that. And second of all he was nothing. Not even his parents wanted him. Margot, the woman who raised him, didn't want him. Who would? Who would genuinely love this piece of nothing?

Grant didn't have beauty. Grant didn't have money. He didn't have a great personality. He spoke funny and he was full of shit. He didn't even have proper clothes.

So Grant accepted meaningless sex and encounters with different men. The minute the moment of passion was over, they left. Maybe they called him for a rebound. Because perhaps Grant was good on the shag and that was all.

Grant didn't mind. Love wasn't for him. He didn't deserve it. Grant thought lots of shitty people didn't deserve it. Like Fen and the lads.

Remus was very of the few people who deserved love. Remus was Grant's best friend. Grant could tell anything to that little kid. He always put that face of surprise. He was constantly smiling with Grant's shit. Remus was the only one that actually gave a damn about Grant. It surprised Grant everytime. Why did he care so much? Nobody had.

But Grant never saw Remus as more than a friend. It wasn't until that summer.

After Remus left for his posh school, Fen was restless. He didn't like that Remus just disappeared.

"I was getting used to that little lad..." he said "I can't believe you don't know where your little boyfriend is..."

Grant couldn't tell him where Remus was. Fen would want to take advantage of it. Make Remus steal from the posh kids. So he pretended he didn't know.

"I don't think I'll ever see 'im again" he shrugged.

But Remus was back that summer. And the first time Grant saw him, his heart did something funny. And he felt something moving on his tummy. Little Remus had grown. He looked more and more like a man. His hair was shorter and messier, with lots of curls. He was better dressed. He smelled nice. His voice was deeper. Something Grant had been noticed on the phone but it sounded so much different in person. Grant felt attracted to his best friend. He even swallowed.

"Grant..."

Grant's started beating faster when Remus smiled like that. Bloody hell what was wrong with him?

Grant didn't smile.

"Wha'chu doing here?" he asked.

Remus' smile dropped.

"I came to see you..."

Grant shook his head.

"You shouldn't have... I..."

"Guess who is back from the death, eh lads?" Fen said from behind "Our little, not so little Remus..." he put an arm around Grant's shoulder.

Grant was scared Fen would do something to Remus. That he would drag him back to his layer. Grant used to adore and admire Fen. But lately, he had been realizing Remus was better without him, without them. Grant had been lying and hiding to protect Remus from Fen.

"Where the fuck were you?"

Remus crossed eyes with Grant. And Grant begged him not to spill out the truth.

"My dad sent me to another school..." Remus answered "As shitty as the last one"

Remus' return was rather odd for the gang. The rest of the lads accepted Remus back. But Fen was no stupid. He suspected something.

"I thought you would be glad to see me" Remus told Grant later that night.

They decided to go to some parking lot and drink in celebration for Remus' return.

Grant had been trying to drown his worry and the new feelings he had for Remus with alcohol. Like he always did.

"I am happy to see you, sweetheart"

Fen and the lads were doing stupid drinking games. They were probably doing some drugs. They were nasty people.

Remus nodded and hugged his knees. Grant wanted to hug him. Grant wanted to warm his body with kisses and touches... God! He shook that thought away. This was Remus. Not some random hot lad.

"I am sorry, love" Grant said "I'm just worried that Fen would find out about you posh school and your posh friends..."

Remus shrugged "They are not really my friends... You guys are... This place, the gang is more familiar for me..." he sighed "Perhaps I should stay here with you and don't come back to school..."

Grant turned to him.

"Are you joking?" he raised his voice because he was angry.

Grant was almost nineteen now. He met Remus in the same shitty school. But Grant never graduated. He failed his exams. He was stupid like that. But Remus was the intelligent one. He got into that posh school with a scholarship. Remus was so amazing he could get into Uni and find nice decent jobs. Something none of the lads could.

Remus looked down embarrassed.

"What happened, love?" Grant asked.

Remus sighed.

"I kissed Sirius... And he bloody detested it"

Remus cried. And Grant hugged him. It wasn't silly because Sirius wasn't simply Remus' crush. He was properly in love with him. He had been for a long time. The way he used to see his pictures on Facebook. The way he spoke about him.

So Grant heard as Remus told him about the kiss. Remus wasn't sure if he had misread the signs. But sometimes Sirius made him feel special. And Sirius flirted with him. And Sirius looked at him in a particular way. Remus thought Sirius could feel the same. He let himself go. But after the kiss, Sirius panicked and was disgusted. And everything was wrong and awkward between them.

"You should've seen his face" Remus sighed "He was disgusted of me"

"I don't see it as lost cause" Grant smiled

"Oh it is very lost" Remus shook his head "I've ruined our friendship"

"Maybe he is just panicking for kissing a bloke for the first time.... I've had a few of those..."

Remus snorted.

"He is the straightest person I know.."

"Remus..." Grant swallowed "Don't ya dare leave that school only for Sirius... Yeah know? You didn't go there only for him, did you?"

"One of the main reasons was him"

"Well... You've made other friends... You've learned lots of things..." Grant smirked "Probably that brain of yours is getting bigger..."

Grant rubbed his hair. Remus laughed. Grant felt something warm on his chest with that sound.

"I am not the best of my class" Remus smiled "That's definitely Lily"

"Yeh deserve better than this, sweetheart" Grant said after a while "Yeh deserve better than Fen"

Remus looked curiously at him.

"Has he done something to you?"

Grant faked a smile. He was good at that.

"Nah... Fen is a twat. But he is good with meh"

Fen had become nastier and nastier. Sometimes Grant felt disgusted with all the stealing and the businesses. And selling drugs to posh kids that looked so lost. But Grant didn't know better. He would always be trapped.

Remus didn't look convinced. He had admired Fen once. But perhaps he had seen how nasty he was.

"I missed you so much" Remus said "You have no idea how much"

Grant felt like he couldn't breath for a second.

"Me too, sweetheart" he said "Me too"

For the rest of the night, they drank more. And they laughed more. With alcohol in his system, Grant stopped worrying. He had the lads and he had Remus. Just like before. Back when all of them were a weird family.

Fen took Grant and Remus to his flat after that. He said he wouldn't leave drunk assholes on the street like that. Anyway, Grant had been living there momentarily because he had been kicked out from his own dorm for missing rent. Bullshit.

"The boyfriends wouldn't mind sharing a bed, eh?" Fen told them, putting his arms around them. He was waisted "Mah boys..."

Remus and Grant giggled.

Later, the sounds of Fen banging his new girlfriend kept them awake. Fen was always loud. But the girl was worse.

Grant looked at Remus. And Remus looked at him. They laughed in the dark.

"Ar'ya drunk, love?"

"Tipsy. You?"

Grant sneered "You sound so posh now"

"Shut up" Remus hit his arm playfully.

Grant giggled.

"Yer dad isn't gonna be worried?"

Remus was silent for a second.

"He only cares about his new wife and his new daughter now... Sandra is expecting"

"Blimey!"

"Yeah"

Grant was restless. He was sweating. And the moans on the next room made him kind of horny. Remus was lying next to him. And Grant could feel the heat emanating from him.

Grant turned to face Remus. Remus did the same. They looked at each other for a second.

"If Sirius doesn't want'cha, he is a total twat, love"

Remus smiled at that. Then he shook his head.

"I've wanted him for so long... I've fantizised about how our first kiss would go..." he chuckled "But perhaps things doesn't go the way I want"

Grant giggled because he was starting to get nervous and that was stupid. Because this was Remus. Grant didn't get nervous in front of the boys he shagged. This was silly.

Remus smiled.

"What?" he asked "What is it?"

Grant scooped a little closer.

"I'm glad yer ma best friend, sweetheart"

Remus scooped closer as well.

"I am glad you are my best friend too"

Grant leaned in. Remus closed his eyes.

Grant kissed Remus before. Back when they met. It had been a silly friendly kiss because Remus had never kissed anyone and Grant thought that was adorable. But right now it was different. Grant actually wanted Remus so badly, that when Remus opened his mouth for him, it gave him a shot of pleasure.

They shared a long passionate kiss. When they broke apart, they both laughed. And Grant was glad. He didn't want to mess things with Remus. They were friends. Best friends. And Grant didn't fall in love. And Remus was in love with someone else.

They kissed again. And again. And again. Just because they could.

They snogged for the rest of the summer. The best weeks for Grant. Sadly trying not to think about the day Remus would go back to school.

But that day came sooner. As Remus left to his mate's house because something happened with Sirius. And Remus ran after him. Of course he did. They were mates after all.

In the fall, Grant missed Remus like hell. Confused about what he was feeling for his best friend.

Until he received the call.

"Sirius and I kissed... Kind of snogged last night..." Remus had said "I think he feels the same for me?"

Remus sounded so happy when he told Grant everything about him and Sirius. Their tiny love story. So Grant was obviously happy for his friend. The boy he had loved for so long, finally loved him back.

Grant didn't see Remus again until now. Grant had had a fight with Fen and the others. It all had become nasty. They bit the shit out of him. And then Grant had wanted to drown his problems again with alcohol.

Grant never intended to call Remus or worry him. But his drunk self hadn't care about that. He had wanted to hear his voice.

Grant didn't expect for him to pop up and never with Sirius. But here they were. And they the way they were looking at each other, the way they were talking, it reminded Grant of that couple from years ago.

For a moment he doubted it. He thought or maybe wished Sirius was just another asshole that would break Remus' heart. But Grant was wrong.

Sirius and Remus were two people so perfect for each other and so in love with each other that it hurt.

When they finally shared a kiss, Grant looked away. And he kept smoking.

It was okay. Grant wasn't meant for love. He didn't deserve it. Remus did. And God he fitted so much better with his prince charming. He was handsome, rich and perfect. He could make Remus happy. Grant was sure of that.

So Grant smiled. Because he was happy for his best friend. He deserved to be happy.

#marauders #maraudersera #muggleau #marauders muggle au #grant chapman #remus lupin #wolfstar #grant x remus #atyd

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speckled-and-spattered · 8 months

Text

@idolsummons cont. from (X)

People could say what they wanted about Fuyuhiko; that he was a criminal, a murderer, that he deserved nothing but the worst in life and some days he might agree, but no one could deny that he would defend those he cared about to the death no matter the situation at hand. Luckily, it didn't seem like this time anything more than some minor blood would be spilt, something that there was no avoiding in Fuyu's mind when it came to something like this. Some guy wanted to be a fucking creep? He was going to at the very best be punched, and at the worst? Well, bullets could be rather persuasive in their own way, should it come to that...

Beyond that? It was a job for his sister, and that wasn't a fate he would wish on anyone. That was a lie, he's wished her bloodthirsty wrath upon many of people over the year, and Natsumi is always more than happy to oblige...

Going from annoyed to enraged in just a matter of seconds, the yakuza's teeth grit together as the idol clarified her wishes, his freckles popping out across his cheeks as his face grew red with anger. "What a fucking lowlife." Said with almost palpable disgust, it seemed even a known gang member had standards when it came to how people conducted themselves. "Yeah, I'll take care of 'im. What's this creep look like? And how bad do you want me to hurt 'im? Or...am I just scaring the prick off?" He figured it didn't need to be said that if prompted he would be hurting the guy no matter what she said. It depended on him and how fucking weird he wanted to be about what he was doing to Hana. He may not know her personally, but Kazuichi, Sonia, and Gundham talked about her enough for him to gather that she was special to them. He had no idea what she knew of him though, if anything. Would she even be talking to him if she knew he was a yakuza? Either way, Gundham must be busy if she's not asking him, or she doesn't trust him not to kill the guy, which...yeah, that was fair, all things considered.

"You uh...you do know who I am, right? 'Cause I gotta say, kinda surprised you'd risk being seen with me, with your idol bullshit 'n all..." Being around him could only lead to trouble in the end, no matter who it was... "Besides, don't you have a literal fucking demon for a boyfriend? And a guard dog of a werewolf that follows you around like a fucking puppy? Or are you taking the easy way out and asking me, banking on the hope the guy will know I'm with the yakuza and fuck off so I don't kill him." It...would make sense, Gundham and Kaz were threatening in their own ways, hell even Sonia could get the job done in her own princessy way, but they weren't Fuyuhiko.

Sonia was a princess, she couldn't afford to get into trouble over something like this should things go wrong, and Gundham and Kaz? They were scary, sure, but in a manageable way; a big ass dog wasn't really all that hard to handle especially a scardy cat like Kaz and Gundham was only a goth chuunibyou on the surface who may flash a bit of his powers to get his point across if he needed to, but unless he wanted to out himself as an actual fucking demon on the off chance someone else sees him, his hands were tied.

Fuyu though? People knew who he was, what he had done, what he could do. If this guy was smart, all the yakuza had to do was show his face, say his name, and he'd know just what and who he was messing with. And if he tried to tell anyone about Hana hiring the yakuza to scare him off? That was easily hushed with all his connections, and that was even if anyone believed the guy. He'd have to admit why she would have had to hire the yakuza in the first place. Nothing about it would end well for him no matter how he went about it when it came to the heir.

"If you don't want someone like me to handle this shit, I could always get someone else on it. It'd be discreet, no way to tie it back to me or my clan, no danger for you or your job."

#muse: fuyuhiko kuzuryu #idolsummons

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borathae · 9 months

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OMG NOT THE CLIFFHANGER SIBIIIIIII THIS CANT BE HAPPENING GIRL 😭😭😭😭 you really gave us the fluffiest chapter after so much pain only to send us back to it right after jssksksksk you are so evil I love you jskskskksksksksks I truly love reading oc being so unhinged, SO deep into madness that even the boys find it creepy af jsksksksksk love that for her everyone deserves a little psychotic break that scares even vampires once in a while after experiencing deep trauma jskskskksks but my heart BROKE for Taetae he was so hurt cause he’s been trying so hard to be supportive and trying to keep her from killing herself out of exhaustion so I totally get where his anger and disappointment comes from BUT he also forgot he went through something similar to her and was acting crazy too, in a different way than hers but still! And my sweet Kookie 😔😔😔 he just wanted to help bring his Yoongi back and got Tae getting mad at him too 😔 at least THAT didn’t last long because I swear that I can barely take Yoongi being “dead” for the latest chapters, I wouldn’t be able take Tae’s relationship with oc and Kookie dying too 😭😭😭😭 I love them so much please I just want them all happy and disgustingly in love again 😭 oh and Jimin getting all protective of Tae that he didn’t even let Kook get close to him like damn 👁️🫦👁️

When oc took them with her to the underground tunnels my brain was screaming “this is not good, this is not good, it’s a terrible idea, they’re are going to get scared of her or get angry at her for torturing other vampires and being the unhinged little witch she’s become and everything will go to hell again, this is a bad idea, I don’t want to see them being scared of her” like for real Sibi im so terrified of what you can do to these babies after all the angst of the past chapters that I was expecting the WORST jskskskss thank god it didn’t go that way any that they were just slightly scared and shocked to find out what she’s been up to and the lengths of her grief induced madness, BUT ANYWAYS THE SPELL WORKED! THANKS GRANDMA LILLY! 😭😭😭 the moment she realised her spell worked on her test subject and she finally had a way to bring her Boongie back and all the weight, stress, sadness, and every negative emotions she felt for the past months came crashing down on her like a truck 😭 her mind was strong enough to keep all those emotions negative enough to kill her to herself for so long without breaking in a physical sense until now, of course everything she neglected during that time, like her health would catch up to her the moment she felt that weight lift and especially if we add to that the heavy magical exertion that performing a spell like that would take on her body, like please this girl deserves long cuddle sessions, forehead kisses and only happiness for now on, no more angst for her 😭😭😭

And yes, letting her go do the spell on Yoongi the moment she woke up was a terrible idea, girl at least REST for ONE more day to ensure your body is capable of doing it without dying!!! But she’s so stubborn she could barely walk without help 😭😭😭 like yes listen to Kookie, Yoongi would poison himself with cursed wood back if he wakes up and finds you dead, ONE OF YOU BEING DEAD FOR TRYNG TO SAVE THE OTHER AND THE OTHER BEING AWAKE DUE TO THE EFFORTS OF THE DEAD ONE ITS NOT IT OC GODDAMNIT

And gosh! The moment she entered his room and found him all grey, looking really sick and telling the others how bad he got only for the others to tell her that that’s how he’s looked since the begging and her realising how blinding to reality her madness was 😭😭😭 STOP BREAKING MY HEART

and then when the spell didn’t work right away I was like “of course it didn’t work on Yoongi, he’s THE creator maybe things don’t work the same for him just like death, the spell doesn’t work for this kind powerful and ancient being” and I swear I was spiriting into madness just like oc at that point jsksjsjsjjssk BUT YOU CAN NOT DO THIS SIBI WHAY DO YOU MEAN WITH YOONG’S EYES OPEN AS HERS CLOSE AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH SIBI BABY HE CANT WAKE UP TO HER PASSED OUT ON THE VERGE OF DEATH OR WORSE ACTUALLY DEAD AAAAAHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Note: Jungkook has been plaguing my mind since I heard the explicit version of seven, i want to die how dare he do this to mesjssjkaakkskssksks like this man made me go into severe heat with one simple line in a song jskskskskskkskskslls and the MV? the most Jungkook thing Kook could do jsksksks it was so funny, I was telling my cousin only Jungkook (and the rest of the tannies) can get away with this because at the first sign of that behaviour from any other man and you’ll catch me filling for a restraining order asap sjskkskssksjjsksks, how are you after the masterpiece our bunny gave us? Sksjsksksksksks

-Shy anon

I truly love reading oc being so unhinged, SO deep into madness that even the boys find it creepy af jsksksksksk love that for her everyone deserves a little psychotic break that scares even vampires once in a while after experiencing deep trauma

PREACH FJADSFJ I love her acting this way as well istfg I stan a queen

but my heart BROKE for Taetae he was so hurt cause he’s been trying so hard to be supportive and trying to keep her from killing herself out of exhaustion so I totally get where his anger and disappointment comes from

YES GOD I JUST WANNA HUG THIS MAN PLEASE GIVE HIM COMFORT 😭😭

at least THAT didn’t last long because I swear that I can barely take Yoongi being “dead” for the latest chapters, I wouldn’t be able take Tae’s relationship with oc and Kookie dying too 😭😭😭😭

BRUH MOOD ANDFNAN

oh and Jimin getting all protective of Tae that he didn’t even let Kook get close to him like damn 👁️🫦👁️

THIS IS SO VALID AND SO TRUE FANDFNA

like for real Sibi im so terrified of what you can do to these babies after all the angst of the past chapters that I was expecting the WORST jskskskss

*LAUGHS IN EVIL AUTHOR* HAFHAHAH

LISTEN!!! OC IS SO STRONG ISTFG IMMA SAY IT AGAIN BUT SHE IS BADDEST BITCH EVER I FUCKING LOVE THIS QUEEN SO MUCH NDNFANDN

like yes listen to Kookie, Yoongi would poison himself with cursed wood back if he wakes up and finds you dead, ONE OF YOU BEING DEAD FOR TRYNG TO SAVE THE OTHER AND THE OTHER BEING AWAKE DUE TO THE EFFORTS OF THE DEAD ONE ITS NOT IT OC GODDAMNIT

*CRIES* IMAGINE IF SHE IS DEAD NOW FUCKING IMAGINE

also to answer your note: *incoherent screeching noises from my pussy* JFJADJFASJ 😩😩😩

#asks: magnus venatio #asks #shy anon #long post #reviews

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fazkins · 6 months

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This is... far more comforting than I thought it'd be. Thank you Evi for your response, as well as the person who reblogged. It feels nice to be listened to once again. But, unfortunately for everyone, I'm going to spend the next 10 minutes or so talking about my family, as suggested.

So firstly we have Elizabeth, the queen of the household. I remember her wearing a pink ballerina skirt, whatever it's called. Clara loved to dance and so Liz wanted to be like her mother, in that sense.

As for her, my wife... is it selfish if I don't want to talk about Clara that much? Is it wrong? I mean, I did love her, and she loved me. She helped me through so much, and I am very grateful, but we also used to argue a lot - the kids never liked that, neither did I. She eventually left and divorced me, and I never heard from her again after I won full custody of the children.

Evan was so young back then... He surprisingly wasn't as scared of everything and didn't cry as much. I actually don't know when or what changed for him, but maybe he just missed Mommy. ( It's a little weird for me to call him 'Evan', given that I sometimes remember his name being 'Chris'? I'm going to stick to Evan anyways, it's not like I mind all that much. )

Ah, and Michael was so jealous of him, thinking I'd forget about him or something. It was funny at first but soon turned into another worry of mine. I then came to realize that I wasn't being the father he deserved, so I tried to talk it out with him to fix things ( which didn't work, we had a horrible conversation ). The poor boy has definitely seen the worst of me. I hope he's doing okay.

And now we have 'uncle' Henry left. I've always loved Henry, not like a brother, but something else. I never got the chance to tell him, but I'm sure he could tell. Hell, I've felt like that since Uni! He must've realized, right? He better have.

Henry never lost Charlie, at least not to Death. I remember her going missing for some time but that's about it. Things start to get foggy and I don't think I can trust my memory from then on. I guess that's for the better though, there are some things I don't want to remember much about. Sorry if this got too long.

And by the way, hope you don't mind if I claim a tag for myself. Will be coming back to the blog.

—🔧💜 ( William, obviously )

your family sounds lovely ^^ im glad that you had a good relationship with them, thats always nice :] family is very important ofc

personally, i loved my canon family sooo much <3 it makes me really happy to hear about other peoples afton families because of that, even though our families are pretty different

thank you so much for sharing :D /gen feel free to stop by anytime if youd like to talk more about them, id genuinely love to hear more

-🧸💤

#evi posts #🔧💜

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dissolving-mansion · 1 year

Text

I posted 479 times in 2022

That's 340 more posts than 2021!

153 posts created (32%)

326 posts reblogged (68%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dissolving-mansion

@elias-rights

@sofarraway

@lonelybeuys

@lazy-toad

I tagged 455 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#08 - 107 posts

#tma - 95 posts

#malevolent podcast - 56 posts

#dissolving chats - 55 posts

#rb 08 - 51 posts

#malevolent - 43 posts

#arthur lester - 33 posts

#strangers from hell - 29 posts

#mjjw - 29 posts

#08 malevolent - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#additionally. im very worried. because i know for a fact arthur will survive and the amount of deaths he's mysteriously survived is getting-

My Top Posts in 2022:

Wouldn't it be romantic? To be destroyed by the very monster you created?

227 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

I love shipping Jon in the TMA fandom because his potential love interests are this:

Guy who was only marginally worse at his Job than Jon was at his own (because he let an animal into the archives). Whenever he sees something he doesn't like he embodies the "I do not see it" meme. Man who is against crime until he personally dislikes the person the crime is being committed against, then it's fine. Bonded with Jon via shared trauma. Thinks Jon is incapable of making his own decisions. Spent most of his life lonely and bitter and without any 0 external or supernatural causes for this. Makes nice tea tho.

Guy who hates Jon because hating Elias would be even more pointless. Was stalked by Jon. Went from expressing fair negative criticisms and Jon not listening to expressing unfair negative criticisms and Jon listening too much. Lost the people he cared about to the thing that eventually destroyed him. More qualified for archival work than the rest of the team and simply because his publishing career gave him the mystical ability to spot errors. Only interaction with cops was sleeping with them for information so he took one look at Jon and Basira and was like "getting a lot of sleeping with cops for information vibes here". Heartbreaking last line before he went on his kayaking trip.

Girl who tried to murder him even after he thought he had tried to talk her out of it. Spent like a year looking at him and thinking "prey". Knife. Was a cop. In the camp of "Jon shouldn't have an opinion, actually, he should shit up." Often held up in comparison to Jon to make him look bad but she just honestly wants to do better. Has traumatic things on common with Jon. Werewolf. Presumably hot tho.

Not-a-guy that has stabbed Jon. Gives good advice in extremely cryptic ways like some kind of fortune teller. Has the skin texture of leather, apparently. A liar but honest about it. Has saved Jon and company on multiple occasions but did so in the creepiest and most villainous ways possible. Wanted to kill Jon. Had revenge fantasies that only involved Jon because he was Alive and There. Also wanted to be Known by Jon, a factor that may have contributed to its death. Died for wanting something clearly and without deceit.

Man who is way more dramatic and evil than he pretends to be. Makes puns that are only funny weeks later when you finally get them. Owns evil contracts. Hired the two people he knew would be most incompetent at archival work for archival work. Gave Jon a bed?? When Jon is stressed he concludes that the solution is More Work. Thinks being human is overrated. So terrified of being a victim that he victimized literally everybody else. "Grinning freak". Lying liar man. Same sense of humor and communication style as Jon tho.

Goth who comes across like a protagonist. Burns cursed books. Could have esaily been a bad person but chose to be good instead. Loathes saving people but begrudgingly does it anyway. Spent his entire life following the orders of old women who scare people. A book appraiser who would be shocked and upset by Jonathan "I only ever read a book once" Sims. Deserves a nap. Unfortunately, he died before Jon could meet him.

Jon is suffering.

389 notes - Posted August 13, 2022

Things to compare your eldritch horror love to:

Static in your ears and at the back of your eyes

Ice-cream pain, a pain digging inside you and spreading out

A mouth that tastes like blood

Seeing something move out of the corner of your eye but it's gone by the time you check

Deja vu, the feeling that this is a memory on repeat

A bruise you don't remember how you got

A live wire

The smell of ozone

The dreamy isolation of being at a gas station at night, where the rest of the world seems to fall away, as if swallowed by the darkness

That lurch in your whole body when you lose your footing

Machines that behave like vital organs; pump fluid like a heart; pull in air like a diaphragm and a set of lungs.

The smell of sulphur

Walking into a room that is far too hot and wondering where the heat is coming from

The way the sky lingers on your skin after it has rained

Dust motes floating in the sun spots

The feeling of being in a large underground pool, all alone

407 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

Melanie: why are girls so hot?

Martin: why are boys so hot?

Tim: why is everybody so hot?

[tape recorder clicks on]

Archivist: global warming

460 notes - Posted August 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I love how the cosmic horror genre contains works like 'The King in Yellow' and 'Uzumaki'... And then we have things like 'The Lego Movie' and 'Horton Hears a Who'.

943 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

0 notes

uniquezombiedestiny · 1 year

Note

💋🌹🔥🍊🍑😊📀🍐💧🌀💤🍇🍆🎀🌺 (sorry there are so many-) any oc you have on the mind/ want to talk abt!

dont be sorry this is amazing!!!!! lol the only bad part is having to copy and paste each line from the post bc tumblr mobile wont let me do it the easy way......

ill do this for sun since i like her and she deserves to be more fleshed out

put it under a cut bc its so long lmao

💋 How affectionate are they with their friends? Their family? Their romantic partner(s) (if they have any)? Are they more physical or emotional when it comes to displaying their affection? Why?

shed be pretty affectionate! more physically than emotionally, but theres definitely both. i feel like her friendships would be important to her especially bc shes been pretty lonely for a lot of her life (especially in unreality - after her first death shes almost entirely isolated from people, other than the occasional unreality traveler or anon). but shed probably refrain from being so affectionate incase shes annoying or something - she wouldnt want to ruin something so important to her or make anybody mad.

🌹 How easy is it for them to connect with others and make friends? On the flip side how easy is it for them to make an enemy of someone? Are they the kind of person who hangs around the food table at a party and never talks to anyone or are they the type who can talk to anyone?

im not really sure..... but she has made more enemies/negative relationships than positive. i dont even know if she actually has a more positive than neutral/negative relationship. im so sorry girl lmfao

shed be the kind of person to just hang around, not really sure what to do/say. theres so many people... but shed probably try to start a conversation or something. in the past (like as a kid or teen) shed be totally up to talk to people. she does want to make friends but she saw the horrors so its a little hard

🔥 Give us a list of general likes and dislikes, such as colours, textures, music, weather and other stuff!

colors - likes warm/bright colors! dark colors arent really her thing though

textures - smooth and cool stuff is soooo nice. also fluffy things like teddy bears (happy teddy bear [the abno] enjoyer)! shed hate those like velvety textures. like fake velvet clothes or something?

music - she listens to vocaloid bc shes based and just like me fr. im never typing that out again

weather - likes quiter weather. more dangerous weather just scares her lmao

other - robot hater. finds the sephirot kinda fascinating but doesnt trust them at all, even if they were human before

🍊 What is your OC’s favourite meal? Snack? Dessert? Drink? Any reasons behind this besides liking how it tastes?

homecooked stuff is always the best.. i dont think shed really mind what. its kinda hard to get specific stuff lol, but she would like saviry food over sweet stuff. she gets a liking for tea over time as a manager - as her first part of unreality hell, she mostly only gets tea lol. good thing shes immortal

What is your OC’s most hated food? Stuff they can’t stand to eat or drink?

i think shed like fruit but if theyre too different shed hate eating it. anything too sour just isnt her thing at all

🍑 Where is your OC’s favourite place to relax or calm down? Recount a story of their time spent in this place! What makes it so special to them?

librariessss. i think shed always go reading books as a kid out of curiosity. shed play coolmathgames on the computers. libraries are generally just a nice, safe place to be. especially since she spent a lot of time there as a kid, she remembers it fondly :)

Is there anywhere your OC hates to go to? Anywhere that stresses them out or have negative memories of?

unreality is a 50/50 'safe but on guard'/'GET ME OUT OF HERE'. she knows shes safe but is it where literally 99% of her trauma takes place lol. unreality is also hostile to people/life, but give it enough of yourself and it wont hurt you.

she has a lot of negative memories of it, with lots of deaths in many different places. shed be wary of like anywhere she goes, knowing anything could hurt her. she is very aware that shes weak, so she tries to compensate with vigilance, knowing when to run

😊 What can make your OC smile even when they’re feeling down? What cheers them up and makes everything feel better for them? Is your OC genrally a happy person and do they enjoy making others smile? What about your OC makes others happy?

animals. give her a cute cat or duck video she will go 'awwwwwweeeee!!!!!'. even as an arbiter she still likes animals. the only good things in the world (also very cute)

shes generally positive, trying to see the best in things, but as an arbiter she starts seeing things more negatively. she likes to make people happy and be a sort of light in the world.... but doesnt really care as an arbiter, kind of resigning herself, saying shes only a tiny part of the world and that shed make no true difference (also being an arbiter and fucking with people is fun). kind of edgy but like. after unreality hell itd make sense okay lmao

however like i said shed never hurt an animal. completely reverts into a positive mindset around a kitty cat

📀 How easy is it to shock your OC? To confuse them? To lie to them, to manipulate them? How are they with feelings of trust? Can your OC be trusted?

its easy to shock her. easily spooked no matter what lol. shes not very easily confused, though, and likes to think things through. lying to and manipulating her are harder, especially in the future/as an arbiter, bc she has like no trust for anyone. she trusts people to do their jobs and such but worries when it comes to relationships/personal things. shed like to think shes trustworthy! she can be trusted, but as time goes on she gets less and less trustworthy.

🍐 What is your OC’s mentality? Are they overall positive? Negative? A bit of both? Describe their thought patterns and reasoning behind their choice making!

like i said, overall positive. she tries to see the best in things and make good out of a situation, empowering herself to get through it.

she just doesnt trust the sephirah much at all so she takes what they say negatively, and tends to not really argue with people who talk badly about her, like "they have a point tbh". she doesnt want to be egocentric or only see herself positively. she tries to make choices that help everyone (and sometimes to gain peoples trust/prove shes a good person).

💧 What is the earliest memory your OC can recall? Do they know what their first words were or remember where they took their first steps? Do they have any mementos of their childhood they’ve kept such as a stuffed toy or tiny baby clothes?

idk what her earliest memory would be tbh.. but she has a good memory. she took her first steps at her own house (technically her parents but still lol). and her parents were SO proud and they recorded it and everything. she couldnt keep anything since she got put into a whole new dimension while at work so. kinda hard to keep anything

edit from another question: EXCEPT her little hairband with the red things (gems? dots? idk what theyre called....)

🌀 Where is your OC from? Where were they born? Do they still live there, if not why did they move? If they still live in the area how has it changed since their childhood? How many places has your OC lived in and where has been their favourite?

she was born in the nest, living a pretty good life there! youll never guess why she doesnt live there anymore. she hasnt moved much, but she did actually move a bit away to work at l corp. the nest is still her favorite place, its just normal place for once.

💤 What was your OC like as a baby, a child and as a teen? (if your OC is a teen or a child, what will they be like as an adult?). How have they changed since then? What lessons have they learned and what things about their youth do they miss the most? Do they have any general regrets?

sun was such a happy baby. full of childlike wonder (amplified by being a child). she was a nice kid, but was also super curious and unafraid to be a menace. she only loses this partially as a teen. she had good parents so she basically learned to be a good person and stuff (pretend i know this part thanks). she kinda just misses her youth generally, especially just being innocent/not knowing things. she regrets not spending more time with her parents.

🍇 Day or Night? Sun or Rain? Summer or Winter?

day, sun, winter. the day is just pretty tbh, sun > rain, and winter is super chill. you can make snowmen and snow angels and have hot chocolate. its awesome

🍆 Tea or Coffee or Hot Chocolate? Sweet or Spicy? Fruits or Vegetables?

hot chocolate/tea (but shes okay with coffee. not preferred though), spicy, fruits! shed be interested in trying spicy stuff tbh. and fruits are nice and sweet

🎀 Do they wear a specific accessory with a special meaning behind it? What is their usual fashion sense like? What do they wear when they want to be comfortable and what do they wear when they’re going to a fancy party? Or do they just not care?

her hairband is from her parents! it reminds her of them and makes her happy :)

she has a pretty good fashion sense, and likes wearing popular stuff, but sorta puts it off as a manager. she wouldnt care much about what to wear is she just wants to be comfy. for a party, shell put effort into dressing nicely though and wear a dress.

🌺 Does your OC have any tattoos or other body art? Does their body art have any specific meaning behind it? Do they have any scars? How did they get those scars? Any birthmarks?

the endddddd! yay

she has an X tattoo on the backside of each palm, and an X scar over her eye. these dont really have a canon meaning yet, theyre kinda just there bc shes the manager lol. though i do think the managers from her like. 'line' of managers all have X scars of their own. as for birthmarks, im not really sure, so no rn.

#ty for the ask!!!!!!!!!#im gonna send you more of these now #i should send more in general but again mobile copy pasting sucks #mobiles*#this was a like. '*vine boom* detail your your whole oc' ask #ive been wanting to do that with sun tbh #so thanks :D #shes like my most fleshed out oc now #also fun fact she has a real name (allison)#i just chose it for something else but even after discarding that idea the name stuck #if someone were to call her that or a nickname like it shed just. freeze #its been a long time since shes ever been called that

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ladychlo · 3 years

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#Im panicking #my 13yo neighbor come to me and asked me about pride flags and she was a confusing the Lesbian one with trans one #I told her ofc that a trans women can use both flags if she is Lesbian too #but the thing is she told me I dont like boys and that she hate it when her friends try to meddle her up with boys #and its panicking me bc we dont have any proper education about this #like queerness is not even considered or acknowledged in our society unless its gonna be whispered as a deviance #and as something you deserve death and hell for so im scared for her #because she is in the BTS fanthom so she is picking on words like lesbian and gay and using vocaly and without understanding how dangerous #it is #and idk how to do it because im scared for her and sad and I dont wanna confuse her #this is like the third time she used queer lexicon with me #and idk what to do genuinely #at my age I'm still waaaay too careful but at her age she doesn't fathom the complexity of it #its jail if she is not careful #its making me sad for her i dont wanna scare her i want her to explore her gender and sexuality #but i cant word it right for her #we grow up internalizing so much self hatred I went to hell to deal with that and I still do #i dont want her to deal with that too #idk of she is straight or not or cis or not #when she told me that she was sending the lesbian flag to her friend I had to explain to her that its not about female friendship #its more than that she told she knows but her brother snitched her phone and called her out for that #sorry im ranting here im trying to think out loud here

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spacedikut · 3 years

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the very insecure dr reid ; spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader

summary: “Could you write another fic about early Spence where he’s all insecure” combined with another request :) 5730 words

a/n: title taken from s1e5!! i wrote this months ago aka before i decided to try to make my fics gender neutral and i tried to make the appropriate changes but im also a dumbass so! yeah!

masterlist

Spencer is a man of science, if you didn’t already know.

This means he doesn’t spend his time fretting over what isn’t there, what doesn’t have facts and evidence to back it up. Of course, he dabbles in reading conspiracy theories and enjoys learning about various religions and things of that sort, but these are to expand his already infinite knowledge, not because he particularly believes in them.

The first time he believed there was some kind of God was when you kissed him.

It was after the case where both Elle and Spencer were trapped on a train with a paranoid schizophrenic – he still remembers how you reacted when he agreed to being sent in, how you tried to keep it light-hearted but pulled him aside to solemnly tell him you didn’t think you’d be able to live without him (if you do something rash and stupid, Spencer, I swear to God-). You threatened to nipple cripple him if he did die, and it was weirdly motivating.

After he was checked over, and teased Elle about saving her life, you came crashing into him with an audible oof and a whisper of, “God you smell so good I’m so glad you’re okay don’t ever do that again.” It was probably the adrenaline, the near-death experience high, but instead of gently pushing you away like he’d do with anyone else, he discovers your waist has a wonderful dip that his arms fit perfectly into as he tugs you close.

He’s hugged people before, obviously, but it’s always different with you.

You must think so, too, because when you pull away just enough that you’re still in his arms but can clearly see his face, you take a minuscule intake of breath that Spencer wouldn’t notice if he wasn’t, you know, Spencer.

A strand of Spencer’s hair falls from where it was tucked, falling into his line of sight. Without hesitation you’re pushing it back, fingertips brushing against Spencer’s cheek as you fold the hair back behind his ear. Your eyes meet when there’s no obstruction, electricity crackling in Spencer’s ears when he realises there’s nothing between you, nothing stopping you, and there’s something about the lack of space between you and how he holds you that just makes you ask-

“Would it be weird if I kissed you right now?”

Immediately, Spencer thinks yes. Not because he doesn’t want you to (he couldn’t think of anything better to do, to be honest), or because of where you are (although, knowing the whole team is not far away does make him feel a little funny), it’s because he’s him. Gangly, awkward, with very sweaty hands that feel at home on your body, and you don’t want to kiss that. You can’t want to.

Yet, he shakes his head, and finds himself copying you when you lean in and close your eyes.

It’s short, sweet, and somewhat weird. He thinks he blacks out, loses himself in your lips despite it happening so quickly.

When you pull back, Spencer’s eyes remain closed for a good few seconds before he’s brought back to Earth. And he doesn’t know what to say - pretty people don’t just… kiss him. They certainly don’t ask if they can kiss him, then follow through, and… stare at him like that.

“Has anyone seen Reid? Y/L/N?”

Whatever was supposed to happen after, whether it was good or bad, you’ll never know. Hotch’s footsteps are thundering towards you and, despite your daze, you step away from Spencer just as he spots you.

The second time he believed there was a God, he asked you on a date. And you said yes.

Neither of you mention the kiss. In your defence, he supposes, it happened merely an hour ago – everyone’s rushing to get back to Quantico so no one’s had time to make any kind of small talk, let alone have the talk after a kiss.

Elle gives Spencer a look of confusion when she slides past him, moving into the jet as he hovers in the entryway. He’s obviously waiting for someone, passing out tight lipped smiles to the team when they all squeeze past. Spencer isn’t a big guy, but it’s bizarre for him to be standing there like that, swaying like the palm tree he is – he’s usually setting up for yet another game of chess with Gideon at this moment.

Then you shuffle on, faltering when you catch him waiting for you but smile nonetheless. He straightens, hands remaining in his pockets when his mouth opens to speak. You interrupt him (before he can make a fool of himself, thank God).

“Wanna sit together?” You ask, eyes never leaving his. He nods and follows you like the lost puppy he is.

The second you invite him to sit next to you instead of opposite he wants to pull you tight into his side, but that seems like too much. He’s not Derek, for Heaven’s sake, and you’re not Garcia – all you’ve done is kiss once and really, when he thinks about it, you were probably on an adrenaline high too, so it might’ve been a heat of the moment thing. It happens, Spencer’s read about it, and although it would break his heart that it meant nothing, it’s likely. Oh, it’s so likely.

Spencer might be the first one on the team to cry on the BAU jet.

Halfway home, the team is lost in their own pass-times to notice when you bookmark your page and place your book on the table.

“Spence,” You whisper, testing if he’s awake.

He is. He hasn’t been able to catch a wink of sleep, no matter how hard he tries. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry if what I did earlier- you know-“ You gesture vaguely in the air, completely oblivious to the fact Spencer is very familiar with what happened earlier because he can’t stop replaying it, “-If that made you uncomfortable. Or if I forced you, or-“

“Would it be weird if I asked you on a date when we land?”

The grin you send him shoots straight to his heart, eyes crinkling with laughter at his echo of the words you used earlier. If you notice you don’t mention it, but his hands can’t stop fidgeting under the table, slick with sweat.

“It’d only be weird if you don’t kiss me after.” You say.

His brows furrow, a small incredulous laugh leaving him. “What? Why?”

“We’ve already had our first kiss, so it’s out of the way.”

“Are you saying… You want to kiss me again?”

You thought that was obvious from when you kissed him earlier, but you’re happy to remind him. “Yes. I would like that very much.”

“Okay,” He says, bashfully, with a lick of his lips. “I can- I can arrange that.”

This time, when you turn back to your book, your head finds his shoulder and Spencer thinks his it has turned to gold, blessed by being touched by you. Would it be too much if, the second you get back to base, he writes about this moment in great detail to his mother?

+++

All of that leads to now, where The Date is in three days.

He plans to take you to his favourite book café, a place you’ve always wanted to go but never had the chance to, and he was so, so excited. Any time he gets to spend with you is cherished and means more to him than it does to you, because to him it’s an excuse for you to give him more reasons to fall in love with you. And he does - fall in love - every single day.

Was is the important word here. He’s not excited anymore.

It’s terrifying how quick the tides can change.

Just this morning, he was glancing with child-like excitement at the outfit he’s already chosen for the date. You brought him some coffee, whispering an endearing, “Three days!” as you did, and, according to Derek, Spencer’s love eyes (what the hell does that mean) were so big even Derek fell in love with you for a second.

Now, Spencer’s not territorial, but that comment stuck with him. Maybe that’s why he’s here now.

He has to cancel the date.

It pains him – God, does it pain him – but he has to. He can’t go on that date with you. He can’t… put you through that. Make you spend time with him and have to let him down gently, slowly, like you’re talking down a temper tantrum. He can’t then pretend everything’s okay in front of the team. He won’t be able to pretend, because he’s liked you for months.

He won’t force you to go on that date with him. You deserve better than that, and better than him.

That’s what it comes down to: you deserve better than him.

It started that morning with Derek, as previously mentioned. Then the team was whisked away on a case, and the detectives were all over you. JJ, too, but they were too intimidated by Elle and Morgan, who just laughed at their attempts to impress you. It was borderline inappropriate, but you were too concerned with the victims and finding a serial killer to pay some officers and detectives you’ll never see again any attention.

Spencer noticed, though. And he couldn’t concentrate.

The detectives are dressed too well – by that, he means the suits and the Rolex watches are way above their paygrade – and they keep emphasising how good looking you and JJ are and how lucky the BAU is to have such dolls working on the team. What is this, the 40s? Who calls anyone doll anymore? And, yes, the team is very lucky to have you and JJ, but because you’re both great minds and wildly intelligent people that, yes, are also very gorgeous, but your looks aren’t all you have to offer, thank you very much.

There’s a detective approaching you, again, as you stand by the water cooler.

Spencer frantically looks around, trying to find a member of the team. “Morgan!” He weakly calls, because Spencer won’t scare him off. Maybe Morgan can chase them away like they’re stray cats, with his big muscles and scary eyebrows. Or Elle, who earlier merely lifted an eyebrow and the officers scattered like cockroaches.

All he catches of the conversation between you and the model/detective at the cooler is, “I appreciate it, but no thank you,” and that’s all he needs to hear.

He should’ve known someone would eventually make a move. You’ve said no, clearly, and Spencer doesn’t understand why. I mean, yes, he knows why – you have a prior engagement – but the detective… As much as he’s kind of a dick, he complements you better than Spencer does. Physically.

And there starts the spiral.

There must be something in the water, because every officer and detective and everyone in between is in peak physical condition with dashing looks to boot. They’re all straight out of a magazine, as if the popular kids from Spencer’s high school graduated and followed him here to remind him he is incredibly unworthy of you.

Spencer is lanky, unlike the broad men and curvaceous women here, and slicks his hair to the side rather than up like the others. He wears sweater vests, not blazers, and he’s so skinny that his trousers always look like hand-me-downs – nothing is fitted, like so many outfits are here.

They’re all everything Spencer is not. And Spencer is realising, quite quickly, that they’re the better ones – and that’s what you deserve. Better. The best.

It gets worse when they deliver the profile.

He finds his spot next to you, gives you a tight lipped smile, then looks at the outfits of his team compared to his own. Both Hotch and Morgan wear dark suits, well-proportioned and sophisticated in a way that Spencer is sure isn’t even in his calibre. Elle wears a deep green t-shirt, tucked into her tight black pants, and looks wonderfully intimidating with her double gun holster wrapped around her shoulders.

And you. You.

You wear a white shirt tucked into nicely tailored trousers, hair effortlessly styled with a pen tucked behind your ear. You all look like FBI agents. Intimidating. Prepared. Put-together.

Spencer… looks like he’s still in high school. He threatens no one, intimidates no one, and definitely does not make anyone feel inferior with his masculinity. He’s not an alpha male, is what he’s trying to say, and for each person he encounters in this wretched police department he feels himself shrinking.

So when they give the profile, he tries to say as little as possible. Tries to attract as little attention as possible, so when Hotch says his usual, “Thank you.” He can slip away unnoticed and hide from the superior beings.

It works, given everyone is too busy trying to save lives. Except you notice, and Spencer has to pretend he’s okay when you find him at the evidence board and tell him you’re excited for the date. He wants to believe you, truly does, but no matter how hard he digs into his brain to find a part of him that can fathom you see him as a better option than literally anyone else, it doesn’t exist.

You don’t seem to notice. He tells himself he’s glad, but there’s no denying the disappointment.

+++

Hotch calls it a night when the clock nears midnight. He says the team should get as much rest as possible and come in with fresh eyes tomorrow – despite this, the team knows most if not all of them will get little to no sleep, given that they’ll all be going over everything they’ve got so far in their hotel rooms.

You slink up to Spencer, a pep in your step even though you’re running on pure caffeine and nothing else. It’s then Spencer realises he has to do it now, because if he does it in the police department then he’ll be called unprofessional, but if he waits any longer than that he’ll be cutting too close and that’s a bad look.

“Y/N,” He says, coming to a stop before the elevators, allowing the rest of the team to head up. “I need to say something.”

You nod with a smile, covering a cute yawn when he takes a couple seconds to gather his thoughts.

You’re not sure what he’s gonna say, but you assume it’ll be to do with the date. Maybe a change of time, or a change of venue – he did mention the library café can get super busy on weekends – or, worst case scenario, the date will have to be postponed for whatever reason. And none are particularly bad, because you’re excited and just want to be with Spencer – it doesn’t matter if it’s not when he originally planned or where he originally planned.

But Spencer has always unwittingly been full of surprises.

“We can’t go on that date.”

Instantly you ask, “Why not?”

“Well-“ He seems caught off guard, like he wasn’t expecting you to question the sudden change of heart, “It’s complicated-“

“I’ve got time.”

“We should go to sleep-“

“Is it your mother?”

“No. No, it’s not.” Of course you look empathetic when you consider his mother might need him – a stab to the start. Add in the flicker of concern in your eyes – two stabs to the heart. “It’s not her. It’s- it’s nothing. Just, can we cancel?”

“And reschedule?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

The disappointment is clear on your face and makes Spencer feel so guilty, but not guilty enough to take it back. You’re not disappointed that you’re missing out on dating him, you’re frustrated that you’ve been building up to having plans on the weekend and they’ve suddenly been cancelled without reason. By Spencer, of all people. In a couple months’ time you’ll thank him, when you’re dating some bodybuilder who can grow a mean beard. You’ll thank him for not making you go on that date with him and forcing you to tell him you’re just not my type, Spence, and making everything awkward.

He can’t look at you. Maybe that’s why he misses the genuine sadness, the sudden glassiness of your eyes that humiliates you enough to make you angry. His words have ignited a fire in your chest that burns through your body like you’re made of gasoline, and you wish you could turn your thoughts off so you don’t start questioning how long he’s been wanting to reject you, if he even wanted to date you in the first place, how embarrassing it is to have been so openly eager when, apparently, he was very much not.

“I’m sorry.” He says, like it’ll do anything. He still can’t look at you and he feels like a coward.

“Yeah.” You sniffle.

He decides to take the stairs. You head for the bar, just for one drink.

+++

The following day, when an officer tries to talk to you, you blatantly ignore him. You tell him that unless it’s work-related, you’re really not interested, and word spreads quick that your pleasantries have died out and you’re not in the mood to tolerate creepy compliments.

There’s a permanent frown on your face that haunts Spencer the entire day. He knows exactly what’s going on – it’s his fault, after all – and he finds himself simultaneously avoiding you whilst witnessing your downcast mood.

Morgan starts investigating not long after you barely react to his terrible joke. He makes them for you, because you either choke on laughter or throw your pen at him, but this time it was like you weren’t even in the room. When Morgan poked you and asked if you heard him, your lacklustre reply was, “Hm? Yeah, good one.”

Morgan perches on the desk Spencer’s using. “You got any idea what’s going on with Y/N?”

“They’re mad at me.”

“You’re the reason they’re like this?”

Spencer doesn’t physically react, just says, as casually as possible, “Unless another person asked them on a date then cancelled without reason, then yes. It’s my fault.”

There’s no point in lying. Especially to Derek. Spencer doesn’t know how you’ll go about explaining your sudden poor mood, if you’ll curse his very existence or lie about it, but Spencer’s never been a good liar and the sooner everyone knows it’s his fault and he sucks, the better.

Morgan leans forward, attempting to make eye contact with the doctor who very much does not want to. “There’s a story there.”

“Obviously.”

“…You wanna go ahead and explain it?”

“Not really.”

“Alright,” Derek shrugs, “You stir in your sadness and continue being a sourpuss, I’ll go check up on Y/N and find out what really happened.”

Derek’s barely moved off the table when Spencer stops him, voice small like a child, “Wait, Morgan, I-“

You walk past then, too focused on a suspect list faxed in by Garcia to pay attention to anyone else. Spencer’s eyes follow you the whole time, and the look in Spencer’s twinkling eyes make Morgan slump back onto the table in realisation.

“Why’d you cancel, Reid?”

“I had to.”

“You had other plans?”

Spencer chews his bottom lip. “No. But I… I couldn’t take them on a date.”

Derek waits for him to elaborate.

“Have you seen the kind of guys hitting on them?” Spencer asks, scooting his chair closer so no one can eavesdrop. “They’re all… They’re- they’re like you, Morgan. All cool and put-together and actually look their age, for one, and I’m not that. I could never be that – and that’s what Y/N wants-“

“Have you asked them that?”

“No. But I’m a profiler, in case you forgot, and I think it makes sense that these big-shouldered, super muscly guys are all over-“

“But you haven’t actually asked them what they want.”

“No.” Spencer sighs, leaning back in his chair.

“That’s your first, and most vital, mistake, my man.”

Spencer purses his lips, catching you watching him over Derek’s shoulder. You immediately look away, shooting off to the evidence room as an escape, and Spencer’s cheeks burn with guilt and embarrassment.

He can’t believe he thought he had a chance with you.

“I feel like this should be obvious, Genius, but Y/N said yes to a date with you, then turned down every offer that came from someone that wasn’t you-“

“That’s because they already made plans with me and they’d feel terrible if they had to cancel for another, better offer. I made it easier for them.”

Derek gives him such an incredulous look Spencer wonders if he should burn his PhDs. “Are you serious?”

The crestfallen expression on Spencer’s face is enough of an answer.

“Come with me.”

“What?”

“C’mon,” Derek tugs Spencer up from his chair. “I need to show your dumb ass something.”

All that’s missing is classic spy music when Derek and Spencer sneak into the conference room the BAU is using. Only Hotch is in there, scribbling something down, barely glancing up when the two agents creep in like they’re on a mission.

Spencer doesn’t say anything until Derek reaches for your bag. “Whoa- Morgan-“

“Relax.”

Spencer just stares, brows halfway down his face, and watches silently.

“That’s they’re journal, Morgan, you can’t just read it-“

“It’s not, pretty boy.”

Hotch watches the interaction, mildly confused, then nods to himself when he realises what Morgan’s holding.

Morgan splays the journal on the table in front of them, flipping through pages with precision like it’s his notebook and not yours. When he lands on his desired page, it’s slid towards Spencer.

He reads it.

The Doctor Spencer Reid cheat sheet. (Because I do not have an eidetic memory and feel bad whenever I forget something he tells me)

He’s too stumped by the words cheat sheet to look further, so Derek does it for him, flipping to the next page where very basic information about Spencer sits – full name, date of birth, hometown. As he looks to the page next to it, he realises it’s full of his favourite things – favourite coffee, favourite candy (which has multiple answers, by the way), even favourite pair of socks. Like a switch has been flipped, Spencer comes to life, frantically switching between pages that are overflowing with facts and tidbits about him, from his favourite monologue from his favourite film to his favourite shelf in his apartment. All things he’s told you either in passing or when he’s confided in you at random times, you’ve taken note. You’ve listened, and for some reason you’ve written it all down so you’d never forget.

“What…What is this?”

“It’s everything there is to know about you, Reid.” Derek watches as Spencer slips through the rest of the book, filled with random to-do lists and phone numbers of various people, looking for the same information about the rest of the team. “There’s only one for you, you know. And if you ask me it’s a little creepy, but it’s saved our asses when it’s come to buying gifts for you a good few times.” He slaps a hand on his friend’s shoulder, smirking at how Spencer’s awe-filled eyes never leave the pages before him. “They care about you a lot, Reid. More than you think. So…”

“I need to talk to them.”

“Yes, idiot, you do.”

+++

That night, Elle and Derek invite you to join them for some drinks at the bar, promising they won’t let it escalate to arm wrestling and childish bets like they always do. Even though they make a compelling argument, add on that you’re stressed and upset and really, really want to forget emotions exist more than anything else, you’re half tempted to accept and lose yourself in some cocktails.

Then you spot Spencer talking in hushed tones with Gideon and everything comes flooding back. So you tell Elle to have a drink for you, please don’t make a ruckus when she gets back to your shared room, and bid them adieu.

In your room, you distract yourself by renting one of your favourite movies. It’s overpriced, and a part of you wants to look over the case files again, but being sad and burnt out won’t lead to any good outcomes.

It’s a futile attempt at switching your brain off so you don’t have to think about how excited you were for the date. You’ve had twenty-four hours to get over it, but every time you see him you’re thrown back into the bitterness you feel – bitter that you fooled yourself into thinking it’d work out, bitter that your hopes were so high, bitter that you let your feelings for Spencer become such a big part of your life.

You’re lying on your scratchy hotel bed, thinking about Spencer and how he’s going to be complaining to Morgan about said scratchy beds, when there’s a knock at your door.

Naturally, you assume its Elle. She reminds you so much of your older sister who used to slide you some money so you’d stay up late into the night and quietly let her back into the house after she’s sneaked off to go to a party – except Elle is probably swaying outside your hotel room after losing her keycard rather than swaying on your doorstep.

So when you open the door, teasing quip ready, you legitimately choke when you’re faced with a fidgety Spencer Reid.

He tries to ignore how the way your face drops when you realise it’s him feels like a punch to the gut.

“Hey-“

“No.”

“Oh.”

“You-what-“ He’s never seen you so flustered. “Are you lost?”

Just in case, Spencer leans back to check the number beside your door is in fact 208. It is, and he turns back to you, “Please don’t slam the door in my face.”

It slips out. “I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise your pretty face.”

You’re humiliated that he has this effect on you, the ability to obliterate all your filters and common sense just by existing. But the look on his face alleviates the want to jump out of the window – his mouth opens, twitching into the smallest, most bashful smile before it falls and morphs back into disbelief. You just… You just called his face pretty, a word that makes some feel emasculated but no, never with you. You compliment people and mean it, which makes Spencer’s guilt worsen and the urge to tell you he loves you with his entire heart more intense.

You speak at the same time.

“Why are you-“

“I wanted to-“

You roll your lips together, holding back a smile, and nod for him to go on. He does the same, so you shake your head with a, “I was just asking why you’re here.”

He holds up a finger, signalling one moment, and opens his satchel to start rummaging in it. “I know this is a complete invasion of privacy, and theft, really, but Morgan showed me it and I just- Why do you have this?”

You gasp.

In his hand is the journal you’ve been working on since a month into your employment at the BAU. The gifted notebook was initially used to jot down any bits of advice your superiors gave you (on your first day, Elle gave you a list she lovingly titled “If I wasn’t an FBI agent I’d sock these people in the mouths”) but, before you knew it, it had an entirely different purpose.

It started when you witnessed Derek stumble when asked Spencer’s favourite colour, to which he said no one remembers stuff like that! Aptly followed by Spencer reeling off everyone’s preferred colours (even delving into second favourites and favoured colour schemes) and you realised then that… Spencer’s whole life, he’s remembered so much about the people around him and very rarely have they returned the favour. So, in an attempt to build friendship and because you had the fattest crush on him already, you started the Spencer Reid cheat sheet.

You didn’t think he’d ever see it, even if it’s always used by the team on various occasions. It was the team’s little secret, bar Spencer, that assisted in nearly every decision made on Spencer’s behalf – what to order from restaurants, drinks, birthday and holiday gifts, how to comfort him when he’s stressed or upset.

The responses vary. Derek thinks it’s weird, as did Elle at first, but JJ and Garcia insist its sweet and, really, no matter what they think they’ve all come running to you when time has called for it.

“How… Did you steal it?”

“Yes,” He tells you, guiltily, “I had to read it – it’s incredibly accurate, by the way.”

You don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.

“So… Why?”

“I don’t know,” You say, a bold-faced lie and Spencer can tell, but he lets you continue, “You remember everything about everyone else, so I wanted to… do the same for you, I guess.”

“I have an eidetic memory.”

You airily laugh – does he think you forgot that? “I know that. Doesn’t it get tiring recalling all this information about your friends and not having it reciprocated?”

He clicks his tongue at that, eyes falling back to the notebook in his hands that he fiddles with while he thinks. It is tiring, he supposes, but that’s how it’s always been. He remembers everything, the people around him just… don’t. He realised at a young age that he’ll often have to remind himself that friendship isn’t measured by what they remember, but by other ways – like this. You, with your unassuming journal that is full of things Spencer assumed no one would ever care to remember.

You, with your tensed jaw and fluttering eyes because you’re embarrassed.

You, who’s done quite possibly the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for him, and it’s been happening for years right under his nose.

You, who he cancelled a date with because he was so sure you were dating him out of pity, out of obligation after he asked and you felt forced to say yes, but now he realises you care about him just as much as he cares for you.

Touched feels like an understatement.

“Y/N…”

“If you find it weird, I’ll burn it the second we get home. Pretend it never happened, we can… discuss a restraining order if we must-“

“Y/N.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“Oh.”

He smiles at you, hands tight on the book in his hands, smiles so big that his eyes crinkle and his teeth show and he looks gorgeous. It tugs directly on your heart strings and just for a second you forget that he cancelled your date, forget that you’ve been pining for years, and bask in the warmth that radiates from him.

“This is… Insane, really.” He laughs, “But also so… so cool. I don’t deserve this, at all, and to think we could’ve gone on a date but I chickened out-“

“What?”

He shrugs with faux-nonchalance. “The-um- the reason I took back the date was because I think you deserve so much better than me. In a, you deserve someone like all the police officers down at the PD, kind of way. I don’t want a pity date-“

You scoff, then with an indignant, “Come in here,” You grab Spencer’s satchel and tug him into your hotel room, closing the door with a forceful push as he turns to face you.

With your hands on your hips, you stare him down with furrowed brows and a look that screams really? “Is that really what you think, Spence? It was a pity date?”

“Well, yeah,” He tells you. The conviction in his voice is so strong that, if you weren’t this riled up, you’d probably tear up at how sure he sounds.

You give another scoff. “Not only am I offended you think I’d do that to anyone, but I’m also mad that you don’t see how I look at you! Spencer, I’ve been into you since I started working here-“ His mouth falls open. You’re exasperated. “-and the notes were a way to get to know you, yes, but they were also because I couldn’t stop watching you and had to play it off like I was doing it for a reason. You’re my favourite, Spencer.”

His heart aches a little, full of such a tenderness he’s never quite felt before. He feels loved, and so, so touched that someone would put so much effort into getting to know him and… years. Literal years you’ve liked him, and he’s been blind to it.

“I like you a lot.” You’re breathless after your little speech, “And if you still don’t want that date, that’s okay. But I like you, Spence, I really like you.”

Your gaze never wavers. Spencer wants to scoop you up and place kisses all over. For the first time in a while, he feels worthy. Like what you’re saying isn’t being said for the sake of it, because you’re his friend and you have to support him, but because it’s what you genuinely think and feel and Spencer might be in love.

He swallows deeply before speaking.

“I really like you, too, Y/N. And I’m-I’m sorry that I cancelled the date and- I should’ve talked to you, maybe, before doing it, but… We’re here now, right?”

“You want to have a date right now?”

Thumbing through the book, he says, “Actually, there’s some blanks in here I’d like to fill, if you’re not busy…”

You’re very clearly on board with the suggestion, basically skipping to your bed, plopping down and patting the space beside you with a grin. “I’m not busy at all, Doctor Reid. Tell me everything I don’t already know.”

So he does, thigh pressed against yours and blush on his cheeks when you let your head fall onto his shoulder.

The night is spent giggling over the most random information you’ve gathered, correcting only one mistake (his favourite socks change every week, not your fault), and adding onto the already plentiful fact file.

And the date that weekend happens, ending in a sweet kiss on your doorstep that leaves you both with shy smiles and thundering hearts.

It’s the first date of many, followed by the creation of a new journal full of all there is to know about your and Spencer’s relationship.

+++

tags: @pinkdiamond1016 @bluerose512 @andreasworlsboring101 @bitchyreids @roses-and-grasses @ta-ka-shi-ma @chiffonchronicles @rexorangecouny @unmistakablyunknown @goofygubler14 @jasongideonapologist @gublertoon @averyhotchner

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #i tried to write the first half in the past tense but i got confused so sorry if the tenses r weird

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kashimos-hajime · 3 years

Text

no regrets (8/8) | r.b.

summary: For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Or, Reiner finally understands what peace is.

WARNINGS: MANGA SPOILERS!!! angst, mentions of violence, we get our happy ending :) pairing: reiner braun x fem!reader word count: 6.7k

a/n: welcome to the last chapter!! thank you so much for being on this journey with me. there are a few callbacks to previous chapters so see if you can catch ‘em all heheh

masterlist

crossposted on ao3 x

Few months ago ymir asked if I could let her write one last letter to krista, and I did let her. I stood over her shoulder the whole time, watching her pen down all this sappy shit and I kept thinking about you the whole time, behind those walls. What you were doing, what you were thinking. Maybe if you thought about me. I dont know.

I��m starting to see the appeal of wrting what youre not strong enough to say to a persons face. I never thought Id find myself on the other end of this stick. for some reason, I thought that I could stop myself, resist the temptation, or maybe that I didnt feel for you as strong as I thought I did once I was away from you. I was wrong.

What do I even say? I mean shit, I can barely see, my limbs are barely in tact, and all of it—shiganshina, it haunts me, even though I cant really remember it that well. Half of it goes black and then I remember hearing your voice, I remember Bertholdt, I remember you screaming.

You couldve walked away. why didnt you walk away? It doesn’t make sens. Why did you think to cut me out? Why did you try to save me? Im trying to make it make sense inmy head. It’s not working.

Fuck I dont know what I was thinking when I asked for a paper and pen. Why am I asking you questions? Its not like ill ever understand. At this point, I think it’s pity thats letting Zeke let me waste ink on trying to write straight. He doesn’t know what im doing, but thats better this way. Better than sleeping—better than eating. I just wanna talk to you and this is as close as I can get. Its my own damn fault, but I dont care.

I completed my mission. After this, im done. ill give up the rest of my term. I dont want any of that glory anymore. I dont want to be a hero. Im just done.

Fuck, my head hurts so much. I dont really know if what im saying is making sense. Im hoping you never read this.

im sorry. I wish I could explain it to you some day, but chances are, ill be dead soon. Whether for treason or because they need to pass on the Titan, and I wont be able to see you again. Which means youll never know how sorry I am. How much I

Thats okay. I dont think youd believe me now even if I did say anything.

I remember your dream to live by the lake with a bunch of kids. You know I started to wonder if youd mind if they were our kids, not just some orphans who needed a home. I’d imagine one of them with blond hair. Imagine them swimming in the lake.

Never told you that was my dream too. Never knew i could have a dream of my own, something only I wanted and not just something to further marleys damn agenda, til I knew you. Sounds stupid but its true.

I think youd like Marley, if we weren’t sworn enemies. Just want you here with me right now. make me sleep easier knowing you’re there when I wake up.

Dont want secrets either. Fuck I miss you so bad. I feel s o tired all the time.

I rember when i first saw you all could think about was how you were the most prettiest girl id ever seen. I don know if you know thats why I tried to distance myself. Knew I couldn’t get distracted from my mison. happened anyway. Wish I could tell you that.

wish I could tell you I love you. Wish I could see the look on yur face when you try lobster for the first time. Youd love it. Not sweet, but tons of desserts here too.

Shit. And the ring on your finger. ill put a ring on your finger. I promised. i swear ill go home and buy a ring for the moment I see you again. Might not be pretty but will do the best I can.

Olnly wnat only wnat only want to see you again and beg for your forgiveness. Let you know if I had a choice, I wouldnt have done it. Would take it all back, nd stay. i wanted to stay, stay with you and the others. I used to want to spend the rest of my life in those walls, now I think im sick and tired of them dividing people who arent even that differnet.

My eyes are beginning to burn. Worse because the skin is sitll growing back. Fucking hell god I miss you. miss your smile more.

I know i dont deserve your forigvneess forgiveness. I want you to be angry with me. I deserve as much, and I cant ask you to, but

With love,

Rienr

You fold the letter, eyes closing as your fingers trace where the ink bled, the old tear stains wrinkling the paper beyond measure. Some are older than others, and you trace over his name again, your eyes burning, your throat tight enough to suffocate.

You’re leaning against the wall as everyone disembarks. They had taken Eren off first, Hange and the others getting ready to depart for the city while Connie and Jean lift a covered stretcher too white for the vivacious girl that lays dead beneath it.

They pass you silently, and you catch sight of a certain captain approaching, his pale eyes nearly swallowed by the shadows haunting his face.

“Captain,” you say, straightening. Placing the letter back into the tin, you slide it back into your pocket as he folds a green jacket over his shoulder. You give him a nod.

“You made it out alive,” Levi observes. He stops beside you, eyes more focused on what’s ahead. No doubt he’s not looking forward to having to take Zeke to wherever he needs to go—somewhere far, far away from Eren. You cross your arms.

“It’s good to see you, too, Levi,” you intone. Sighing, you step in beside him and look out at the Walls you can’t see in the distance, your entire body wrought with a strange fatigue that’s only sewn into muscles by adrenaline leaving the body. “I think I’m going to stay.” He tilts his head to you, eyes flickering to your face, and you mirror the shift, your arms tightening. “I can’t leave this unfinished. Not after Liberio.”

“The farm will have to be abandoned,” he points out. “The kids, too.”

“I’ll make sure I move them where someone can take care of them. Somewhere north, far away from the brothers,” you assure, although still, your heart begins to sink and you close your eyes, exhaling deeply. “I have to hope they understand.”

Levi only nods, and you open your eyes as he wordlessly takes the jacket off his arm and offers it to you. Grasping it wearily, you open your mouth to ask questions but he only sets off, back towards the cabin where Zeke is still being held, and you snap your jaws shut, looking down at the jacket.

When you unfold it, you swallow the hard rock in your throat at the blue and white slipping beween the folds of olive green before there’s a sharp whistle. Looking up, you see the carriages already beginning to load up, and you glance back at the door where the captain has disappeared through before jogging down the ramp.

You slither your arms through the sleeves and shuffle the fabric along your frame as something thumps against your thigh, and you frown, reaching down into your pocket and coming into contact with something smooth and hard.

Withdrawing, your lips part at the green bolo tie gleaming in the lights of the port and you, without another thought, pull it over your head, letting it fall against your breastbone.

“For your services to the Survey Corps.”

There’s no time to second-guess now. No time to debate.

“Good to have you back,” Hange murmurs as you walk towards the carriage taking Mikasa, Armin, and the others back to the city. You tug the lapels of the jacket tighter around yourself and flash them a weak smile.

The Wings of Freedom on your arm feel like a brand, and it prickles your skin as you climb in after them.

Distantly, he remembers flashes.

Eren reaching forward for Zeke, the exhaustion ripping him every which way, the sound of ODM gear whizzing in his ears as he tries to make sense of the punctured sensation in his armour.

How he had softened his nape, intending to die then. At least, let his death have some meaning, he had thought. Let him make one last effort to repent for everything he did to Paradis, and to his friends who’d been more family than his own mother.

He slips in an out of consciousness for the next few days. He doesn’t know what is up, what is down, but he does recognize his surroundings blearily, the way his head spinning somehow slowing when he presses his temple to the wooden floor.

How can he almost hear your voice in the echoes of the panels, countered by someone who almost sounds like Annie before he drifts off again.

When Reiner finally regains consciousness again, he wakes to someone crouched down in front of him. Jerking up, he lets out a sound before a palm slaps over his mouth and your face is shoved against his own.

“Shut it,” you whisper fiercely. “It’s just me.”

Your name muffled by your own hand, his eyes begin to burn and you lift your palm away as he sits up and you draw back. You’re dressed in clothes that look like they’ve seen better days but you’re relatively uninjured as you pull back. New lines adorn your face—one of the many prices of their damned war—and you only look exhausted.

Sitting up, Reiner’s whole body groans as he leans against the wall, but he can’t tear his eyes away from you. Your hands are hovering around his body like you’re scared he’ll collapse and there’s a fracture in your mask.

Something gleams on your finger and his eyes flit to it, his heart lurching when he realizes what it is.

The ring. You’re wearing it. You…

For a moment, a glimmer of their teenage selves shine through and he wants to reach for it—touch it so he can remember what it’s like to be happy. He thinks it’s an awful like now; the swelling of his heart so big he can’t breathe; the way his lungs are static in his chest; how he can’t say anything because there are so many words that want to come out first.

“You’re here. You’re alive,” he finally settles on raspily. Your eyes glint with a youthful pain as you nod.

“So are you.”

And he doesn’t know who moves first—you or him. Nothing is forgiven as their bodies crash in an embrace that lacks grace, but they cling onto another like the world is ending and they’re the only ones left standing.

Maybe they are.

He buries his face in your neck, and your arms are so tight around him your fingers dig into his shoulders as your body melts against his and his skeleton sags in his own body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your skin, eyes fluttering shut. “I‘m sorry.” A hand against your neck and an arm around your waist, he wraps his legs around your own and traps you against him. You seem to only sink into him even more.

Is that enough? I don’t want you to hate me.

You suck in a breath, and then it comes out shuddering. “You can spend the rest of what life you have left repenting for making me fall in love with a man who was always supposed to die.”

Softly, in his mind, your voice cools the searing heat of hatred inside him. It’s enough. It has to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. It’s like they’re the only words he knows. He can’t remember ever meaning it this much. For him dying, for making you love him, for ever coming to Paradis. For loving you. For loving you. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know.” Your face turns to press against his own. Your lips brush against his jaw and his eyes slide shut, tears rolling down his face. “I read every single one of your letters.” Drawing back, you cup his face in his hands and your fingers smear his tears all over his cheeks as his palm rests against your neck. Thumb stretching up to touch your chin, he feels sobs shuddering in his throat at seeing you again—looking at him almost like you used to. “I can’t begin to understand, but I know you are. And I know you love me.”

Choking, he gasps, “You should hate me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should.” You’re crying, too, voice thick, tears stubborn on your cheeks as you give him a watery smile. “I should hate Marley, too. But it’s beautiful there. The water by the sea… I want to be there with you next time. We need to go together, before you leave me alone, okay?”

Reiner doesn’t quite hear you. He hears Marley, and beautiful, and he’s never noticed how beautiful you are when you cry, but right now, it’s the simplest truth he knows.

“Okay.”

When you tilt his chin up and kiss him softly, something inside him explodes from the gentleness that makes him want to crack in the palm of your hands. It sears him from the inside out, makes him grab onto you like you’ll disappear—this is another dream, isn’t it?

It has to be.

You can’t be kissing him again after four years. He doesn’t deserve it. You’re an illusion, something his mind made up to deal with the pain. He’s finally cracked for good, just like Bertholdt said he would, and he’s the devil, not you.

But then you pull away just for a moment to smile, eyes barely open as you look at him with a sad tenderness that wraps him in an invisible embrace, and he is faced with the heart-wrenching reality.

The sky is falling, you are holding him tightly again, and they’ve lost their years. But you’re here. With him.

He knows that this isn’t a dream as he feels the coolness of the silver band on your finger and the heaviness in how he knows he hasn’t repented a damn thing.

Why him?

As you run your hand through his hair, you press their foreheads together.

“And I do want a family with you, by the water if you’d like,” you murmur fleetingly against his mouth and his eyes widen, cheeks burning, entire face crumbling as he turns his face in to your shoulder, crushing you in another brace. Sobbing into your neck, his fingers dig into your shoulders, wrap tight around your waist, squeeze you so close he isn’t sure where you end and he begins and your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Reiner, say it.”

“Please,” he whispers thickly into your skin, and you cradle the back of his head with a hand. He’s nothing more than shambles. “Please, don’t go.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight again,” you promise. His breath is hot against his own face as you pull his head back and cradle his face again, thumbs brushing away the tears from his red face. “Just a bit more. A bit more and then it’ll be all over, you know?”

And he understands, then, what you want from him. Struggling for breath, for his lungs to stop seizing in his aching chest, he cups your face that turns into his palm on instinct, your face wet with your own tears as, for a moment, they try to pretend this isn’t where they really are.

Like they’re still in that afternoon in Trost, a thousand years ago, with the kids flipping coins into the water fountain and a cream bun between them. Like they’re under the tree, apple juice on your wrist and his lips on yours.

Like it’s those trips to the city, the walks on the Walls. Honey is dripping down your chin and he’s pretending he doesn’t want to kiss you, or there’s grease smeared on his forehead, and you’re reaching up to wipe it off his skin.

Like a thousand moments all at once, and he nods to himself as you brush your hand over his temple. The world outside is startlingly quiet, as if the universe itself stopped everything itself to watch this moment, and Reiner takes a breath that bruises his sternum before he’s holding your left hand where that ring still sits.

And slowly, he pulls it off, whispering as firmly as he can. He’s sure he fails—he’s shaking all over from your presence alone.

“When this is over, I’ll put that ring back on your finger. I promise.”

The smile that splits your face is dazzling. It’s the smile he’s missed since the day he left it.

“We have a lot of things to work out, Reiner Braun.”

And your fingers barely brush his jaw before you’re leaning to press a sweet kiss against his mouth. It’s sugary on his tongue, like honey and apple slices.

Your back is warmer when you’re pressed up against Reiner’s. The ship is quiet, and their pinkies are just barely hooked on oen another’s as you stare blankly at the empty space between Connie’s boots. You don’t speak, and Reiner’s gaze is only on you. He can’t look at anything else now that you’re back by his side again.

There’s a cut on your cheek from the fight just half an hour ago, and there’s dried blood along your hands where your knuckles had split open, but everyone seems too exhausted to clean themselves up.

Reiner himself has a blanket pulled over his shoulders, and he sighs, slouching in his own sack of flesh.

Your head tilts towards him, enough that your temple presses against his cheek. His eyes close and he leans into your touch. Not a word passes by, but their hold on each other’s hands tightens. And Reiner thinks.

For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Something that hasn’t burned since he left Marley as a child.

Reiner thinks he doesn’t want to die anymore. He doesn’t want to miss you for another moment.

Raising from the steam, you groan, your hands searing from the inside out as you touch your face where you swore every inch of your skin had been stretched, but nothing seems out of sorts as you glance around. Everywhere, all your friends who had turned just as you had are in various states of disoriented. The air is still hissing, crackled with surprised screams and shouts of names as people look for one another across the field.

It smells like cooked meat and burnt hair, a none-to-pleasant mixture that turns your stomach.

Getting to your feet, you wipe at your face, trying to ignore the weird feeling underneath your nails and the ache seizing your muscles. Trying to ignore the remnants of Eren lingering like a ghost that won’t really leave you alone. You shiver, and a strange cold sweat takes over your body.

He had taken you to the sea, except it wasn’t the shore you were familiar with. There was a cabin nearby, with blonde children running, chasing after one another and a man with golden hair standing on the porch, firewood in his arms as he calls out silently. Or maybe you had been standing too far to hear.

“Eren… where are we?”

“Wherever you think you are,” he had said. “I just brought you where you wanted to be.”

A voice, quiet as a memory, catches your attention. “Here let me help.” A soft wind blows throw the mist, cooling your scorching face as you feel a presence stand behind you.

“Oh, thank you.” You look over your shoulder to see a tall boy, and your heart stops. Mouth dropping open, you stare at his foggy image, but he only smiles fully, a smile so tender it reaches every corner of you as you stumble forward, fingers stretching for him. “Bertholdt!”

His smile grows only that much more, eyes squinting a bit and a flash of teeth before he’s looking at your hand that passes through his chest. All at once, all the hope built up in your chest crumbles, and your hand snaps back, trembling just before him. He lays a hand over your own and your eyes begin to burn, tears slipping down your cheeks.

And then, softly, you barely whisper, “I miss you.”

Bertholdt’s smile merely grows, as if to say everything he couldn’t say before. As if to show he’s at peace now—that your last memory together isn’t every part of him, and your lips press together, trying to stop yourself from shaking.

Shadows form in the fog, and together, the two look as a freckled boy and another girl steps out of the mist a distance away, beaming like the sun. Connie and Jean stagger to their feet just behind you, and your heart lurches into your throat when you recognize them.

“Marco! Sasha!”

Someone calls your name and you turn around just as arms scoop you up and you let out a surprised noise before settling into Reiner’s arms. Looking over your shoulder to look at Bertholdt, your heart only sinks.

He smiles and Reiner lets out a sharp breath beside you, settling you down. “Bertholdt…” More shapes emerge. A shorter boy accompanied by another taller one, both alike in their features. You recognize one as the Jaw Titan holder before Falco, but the other—

“Marcel!” Reiner chokes out the name, hand stretching out to the fog, but the boy merely tilts his head and waves.

Closing your eyes, hot tears streak over your cooling flesh as you fling your arms around Reiner again and press your face into his neck. He cradles the back of your head, and he feels… somehow weaker, but still, there is that impassable strength in his core that wraps around you as he watches over your shoulder, still clinging on despite your clothes hot enough to burn.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive. It’s the only thought in your head. Your last clear memory had truly been the others taking flight, and the pain that had ripped apart your body before sewing it back together again in unjust proportions. Your limbs had been too big, your blood racing too warmly through your head as your legs pumped but your brain screamed to stop.

Your fingers had sank into Reiner’s legs to pull him down and you had watched—watched Jean take a bite out of him—

You shiver and Reiner’s arms tighten around you instinctively, constricting enough to let you know that his attention isn’t on you quite yet.

Boots shifting on the ground tentatively, your knees feel gummy as you draw back long enough to look at him. He still looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to watch the mist retreat. Bertholdt and the other two boys fall into a pool of fog, and your lips part in a farewell, but it’s already too late.

He’s gone.

A wind sweeps through the battlefield, tickling your sweating neck and cooling your boiling blood.

“Hey,” a soft voice croaks.

Their eyes meet in tandem. He regards you softly, like you are the reason the sun rises and the stars hang at the sky. Overwhelmed, you can only cup the back of his neck and pull him into a deep kiss. Your other hand along his jaw, it takes all you can not to pull him into a bone-crushing embrace that’ll send them both to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you whisper hushedly against his mouth, throat swelling as he lets out a soft noise of surprise as you pull him into another tight hug. You don’t care that you’re crushing him, just that his heart is pounding against your own chest. “I couldn’t stop myself. I’m so sorry.”

His eyes widening, he wraps his hands around your wrists and pulling you back just enough to kiss your fingers that crumple against his mouth. Clasping one of his hands in both of your own, you close your eyes and he uses his free fingers to brush the tears off your cheek before reaching into some dented tin you don’t recognize.

Eyebrows furrowing, you feel the heat leave your entire body, sapping your energy too, and your eyes snap to Reiner who steps back, cracking it open and presenting it to you.

“You’re not the one who has to be sorry. I don’t think I’m the Armoured Titan anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I get the rest of my life back, but either way, I want to spend the rest of it repenting to you in any way I can, if you’ll allow me to.” A weak smile. “Truth.”

Your throat closes up, and you stare down at the ring so protected, gleaming despite the destruction around them. It looks almost out of place amongst the grime smearing your skin, the sweat drenching their skin, the smell of blood and metal clinging to their clothes, but Reiner only watches you with a tenderness you can barely meet. It’s so overtly overflowing with devotion that your heart is resting on your tongue, seizing control of everything.

You barely nod, chewing on your lip, trying not to cry even harder as his eyebrows rise in relief and he lets out a long sigh.

He lifts the ring out of the tin, snapping it closed before sliding the band back home onto your finger and all at once, everything floods you. The exhaustion, the pain, the hunger, thirst, grief wrapping around your bones and chaining you to the ground.

It’s over.

The minute he put the ring on your finger, it would mean it was over. No more blood, no more fighting.

Just like he promised.

You barely croak out his name before you fall to your knees. You trust him to catch you, and he does.

[THREE YEARS LATER]

Just after the Rumbling had stopped, you had gone back to Paradis alone and came back with three children to a man who was still uncertain in a world that was changing.

Since then, you’ve learned so much about the world, about yourself, about Reiner.

How he’s seized by night terrors even now, just like you, and how one thing that soothes it is going out for a walk while the sun still simmers below the horizon, the sky a dark navy blue spliced with orange rays. The intricate details like him making a point to tie his own tie because his father never taught him how or the way he has to chug his coffee so he has enough energy to get through the day.

And some days are horrible, haunting, but now, it is far outweighed by the good. He teaches Xav how to dress smart, takes the girls out shopping. Sometimes, he’s spotted around Liberio with a flame-haired boy riding his shoulders, you trailing behind hiding a smile behind some ice-cream.

Different nations, foods, cultures surround you now—citizens of countries coming to settle down roots, spread cuisine to Marley. The idea before, of humans so different than you but still similar at the root of it all, existing, still blows your mind. The technologies that you had never seen before, languages you’d never heard, sights you’d never seen, had all swarmed you as you stepped into a new world with him.

But there is always one thing you’ll come back to.

Leaning against the railing in the port city Reiner told you was the harbour he had left twelve years ago, and returned to seven years ago, you watch the clouds travel in slow drags across the pale blue canvas hung high above your head. The water spans for as far as you can see, glimmering under the sun and gorgeous enough to take your breath away. You pull at your coat across your chest absently, ignoring the tender growl of your stomach.

Breathing in the salty wind, you feel your chest expand at the litle fishing boats a little ways out.

Reiner was right. You don’t get sick of the sea. You never will—not of this much water. You still remember the first time you had swam in it, the salt-water making your hair crisp, the cold sweat forming on your your sun-warmed skin.

You feel a hand on your shoulder. Looking up, you spot blonde hair and warm eyes and smile. Your heart flutters a bit. You shift on your feet.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Reiner leans down beside you, and you clasp your hands, letting the sea wind curl against your neck. Reaching to slip his hand in between yours, he sighs and you lean against his shoulder, glancing at their pile of interlaced fingers. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” you whisper, although even still, you can feel a numbing at your fingertips. You remember what it was like to be a Titan, even now. The sensations haunt you—flashes of your own mutated body, the grotesque meat of your hands sinking into the ankles of the man beside you, the bloodcurdling roar spilling out of your throat.

Glancing at their fingers, you watch the flashes of silver of the rings play in the sunlight, your band now having a matching counterpart on his own hand. You grasp his hands tightly, bringing them up to your lips and his own grip tightens when you dust a kiss gently along his scarred knuckles.

“No,” you finally say at length. “I’m not okay. Going back to Paradis makes me nervous as hell, but we’ll manage.” He nods slowly, and you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck. His own encircle your waist, pulling you flush against him and your eyes close at the familiar warmth—a warmth you’ve woken up next to most days for the past three years.

“Have you eaten yet?” he murmurs, and your fingers play with the soft edges teasing at your pads as his nose presses against your cheek. Your eyes flutter at the soft heat emanating from his skin, and you shake your head, melting against him. With one arm still around you, he slants his body away from just enough to pull a bag out of his pocket and it crinkles as he hands it to you. Taking it, you frown and look inside.

A cream bun. You can’t help the crumbling in your expression and Reiner holds your face in his hands carefully, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Let’s stay positive,” he whispers. “We don’t know the situation until we get there and Historia briefs us.”

“I know,” you whisper and his entire expression eases at your words. His eyes gaze at you as if you’re the sole centre of his universe, and he cups your jaw more insistently, pulling you in for a gentle kiss, one you ease into, your eyes fluttering shut as his tongue traces the seam of your mouth. Laughing, you feel his little nose scrunch and your heart bounds up into your throat as he pulls back only to kiss you again, softer this time.

“Get a room!” A sharp female voice ruins their moment and you pull back just enough to see a red-headed boy running towards them and Reiner crouches down just in time to scoop Xavier up.

“When are you getting married?” he demands. “I was promised cake when you guys got married.”

“I dunno. When you move out of the house I guess,” you tease and Xavier pouts, rubbing at the side of his nose with the heel of his palm.

“Besides, you got cake for your seventh birthday, buddy,” Reiner groans as the boy twists in his arms. “You’re getting heavy. What are you feeding him?” he adds, smiling roguishly at you and you roll your eyes as Alina and Anya approach, sun hats protecting them from the glaring sun. Alina, grocery bags in hand, waves. Anya, who’d been the one to shout, tucks her coin purse back into her bag before flashing you a great big smile.

Only fifteen and seventeen. You can barely recall what it’s like being that young anymore, but you’re grateful they didn’t spend it the way you did. They get to know beauty, and no limits at all. The former comes naturally, the latter is partially because Reiner spoils them rotten.

Alina picks a flower with velvety purple petals from a bouquet she cradles in her arm, extending it to you.

“For good luck,” she says. “And protection.” Your heart melts at her words and you pause for a moment, looking from the gorgeous bloom to Reiner, occupied with the boy in his arms making silly faces at him. Then, without another moment, you sneak the flower behind his ear and he reaches up immediately to hold it against his head, turning to you in surprise.

“To protect the both of us,” you explain.

“Thank you. I’ll be extra careful now.” He looks at the girls, setting his free hand on Alina’s head heavily and she flushes, smiling grandly. “You three behave while we’re gone, alright?”

You nod. “Listen to Levi.”

“And listen to your sister,” Reiner adds to Alina and Xavier. The former rolls her eyes, the latter sticks out his tongue. “I’ll miss you.”

This is their home—their family that tumbles together into a huge hug, and you can’t help but stand back, watching how they all seem to merge into one unit, unaware of where one part of their reach ends and another begins.

As Reiner pulls you into the hug, your heart soars through your body, effortlessly pounding in your throat and in your fingers and everywhere at once. Liquid heat pools everywhere as Xavier screws up his face when you kiss his cheek, the same way Reiner does after he’s eaten something sour.

And maybe it’s a bit different, or a bit broken, the shards of their bloody history still poking at their heels whenever they think you’ve forgotten them, and it’s most definitely not perfect, but you would rather have it like this then anything else.

“Hey, guys!” Breaking apart, the family look over to see Armin, Annie, and Pieck walking over. Gabi and Falco meander a little bit behind, pushing Levi in his wheelchair, and Jean and Connie are running not far behind them, shouting at one another. You stifle a laugh and Xavier shimmies out of Reiner’s hold to run towards them. The girls follow after him, trying to hold back their runs but the closer they get, you can tell the more frantic they are to say goodbye.

So this is what they’ve made a peace. Something, you hope, is good.

Annie bypasses them quickly, making her way over to you and you survey her face as Reiner squeezes your shoulder, walking over to their friends. Her blue eyes are fixed on your face, and you feel your lips curving into a smile as she shoves her hands in her pockets. Her hair is swaying in the wind, gleaming flaxen, and you remind yourself, not for the first time, that Armin and Annie’s kids, if they ever decide they want them, will be gorgeous.

Hope for the future, and all that.

She stops in front of you, tucking a strand behind her ear.

“So,” she says at length, “we’re going back to Paradis. I’m surprised you decided to come with us. You don’t owe any of us anything.”

“I know. But… you’re my best friend. You do the talking, I fly the getaway plane, right?”

“Yeah. There used to be a time when it probably would’ve been the opposite.”

You nod, and they stand in silence for a moment, watching each other. Two women who should not have been friends, but were against all odds. You don’t think you would be here today if it weren’t for Annie.

Your heart lurches and you take a step forward just as she does, her mouth open to say something. You throw your arms around her and she lets out a noise in surprise as you close your eyes. Arms coming underneath yours, her hands dig into your shoulders and you smile against soft hair as she sighs, easing into your hug.

“Finally working together on an actual assignment,” you mumble and her head tilts as her small frame shifts, a hand patting you on the back as a sign for you to back up. “Just like we always said we would.”

Bluntly: “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“You, too.” Pulling back, the two look at one another for another soft moment before you remember the bag in your hand and you shift the bun up in the bag, extending it towards her. “Want some?” Her eyebrows rise in faint delight, before she’s reaching over, pinching and tearing a piece off.

You grin and do the same and you gesture for her to come stand by the rails with you, stuffing the bag into your coat pocket. Leaning against the warm metal again, you hear a seagull call. The plane you’ll be flying to Paradis floats on the water, the technicians giving it the final check before you take off.

If anything goes wrong while you help prepare and oversee accommodations for the rest of the ambassador group, you’ll remember to fire the black signal flare, but you trust Historia. You trust your friends.

You glance over at them, all laughing, and you notice that the flower has gone from Reiner to Pieck, who’s taking it out of her dark hair to tuck it into Jean’s, and his cheeks redden as he brushes it more securely behind his ear.

Annie catches your attention again, pointing out idly that they’ll have to separate soon when they finish with the plane, and you tell her to just wait a couple minutes more as Reiner catches your gaze. Setting Xav, who has somehow wormed his way back into his arms, down, he walks back over to you, and his hand trails purposefully over your back before resting at the nape of your neck, a reassuring weight on your body.

“You guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Annie replies. “You have a clingy boyfriend,” she tells you.

“I think it’s charming.”

She rolls her eyes. Reiner smiles, and you pat the railing beside you—silent invitation. He leans in on your other side, clasping his hands and watching the fishermen pull themselves to shore, singing a tune to each other—one familiar to all three of them and one that you wish you could get out of your head.

“Soon may the Wellerman come…”

A faint breeze tickling at your fingertips as a sharp call for embarkment splits the harbour, you simply sigh and look over at Reiner. “I just want these last few moments to last.” His eyes meet yours, and he leans forward to press a kiss between your eyes. Annie lets out a soft noise of disgust and you bump your hip against her as Reiner pulls back.

Closing your eyes and lifting your head to the wind, you can almost imagine the one person missing standing on the other side of Annie, dark hair like spun, stained bronze and eyes like warm chocolate. He’d smile and tell them not to worry in that sincere way of his that makes you believe every word he says—as long as they were careful, they wouldn’t walk into any traps.

Your chest aches, and your lips tug into a heart-wrenching smile as you begin to sing along. Reiner slips a hand in between yours, pressing his temple against your head and you loop your other arm through Annie’s.

She rests her head on your shoulder, listening to your voice, eyes on the sailors bringing in their haul below them. Reiner hums the shanty softly, distractedly, eyes cast across the sea.

You tilt your head up to the sky, at the stars you cannot see but will join one day, and smile.

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dracowars · 3 years

Note

Hello! i was wondering if u could do a draco imagine where the reader & draco are prefects and they started to have feelings for each other and they both love to tease each other!! im bad at explaing things but i hope that made sense :) love ur writing btw <3

perfect prefect | draco malfoy

pairing: draco x reader

word count: 1,8k

summary: where y/n and draco love to tease each other

a/n: i hope you like this and that it lives up to your expectations <3

warnings: none

universe: harry potter

Like a shadow you move as quietly as possible through the dark corridors of the big School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, always careful not to be seen by anyone or to not directly walk into someone. You work your way through Hogwarts and its millions of angled hallways, walking close to the brick walls until you finally reach the stairs leading down to the dungeons and you carefully stride them down.

Just before you get downstairs, you suddenly hear a loud meow in the distance and hurriedly run up the stairs again and hide behind the closest corner, pressing your body firmly against the cold wall, holding your breath.

Carefully looking around the corner with your head, you can see the mean caretaker Filch walking up the stairs with his cat Mrs. Norris in the dark. Filch suspiciously looks in your direction through the straight and long corridor, holding up his dim lantern. Immediately, you pull your head back with a jerk, but thankfully hear his loud footsteps vanish in the distance as he goes away from your current position.

Just when you are about to breathe a sigh of relief and step out of your cover, it meows right in front of your feet, causing you to take a step back in shock.

Mrs. Norris is sitting right in front of you and angrily glares at you through her yellowish eyes while she meows louder and louder to draw her owner's attention to herself. The footsteps that had become quieter a short time before are now getting louder and closer by each second that passes.

Just before Filch is about to turn the corner and you are already preparing yourself for the worst, out of nowhere a hand covers your mouth from behind and pulls you back. Everything blurs in front of your eyes for a moment and when you have a clear view again, you are no longer in the corridor, but in an empty classroom.

Startled, you turn around, ready to fight your attacker, when you realize that the person is only your beloved friend, Draco Malfoy.

"Bloody hell, Draco! You scared me to death!", you sigh out loud, your hand on top of your heart which is pounding hard against your chest.

"But I saved you from Filch and his filthy animal", he proudly exclaims. "Without my help you would probably be on your way to Dumbledore by now."

"I am a prefect. He would probably have thought that I was doing my nightly rounds around Hogwarts and not that I was on my way to meet a certain someone", you defend yourself since you do not want to admit that he actually saved you from expulsion.

"Is this certain someone coincidentally incredibly good looking and does that certain someone have eyes in which you can lose yourself and see the star- Ouch!", he cries out loudly as you loosely slap his upper arm, walking past him to the door of the classroom to get out of there.

"That description does not apply to him at all. I am afraid I have to destroy your dreams", you tease him, a playful smile playing around your lips while you straighten the skirt of your uniform.

"Well, if so, then good luck strutting through the corridors on your own without getting caught", Draco shrugs nonchalantly and gives you a look you cannot quite interpret as he is now the one to walk past you, reaching the door before you can. Turning around to look over your shoulder from behind, you feel his hot breath against your neck.

"But when you have reached your desired destination, you will unfortunately not meet this certain someone, because this certain someone currently has to continue patrolling the hallways", he whispers in your ear, but cannot stop himself from giving you a quick kiss on the cheek. "See you."

Quickly, you turn around and grab his wrist as he was just about to open the door, preventing him from leaving. With a devious grin he looks at you, silently waiting for you to say something.

"Stop it, you dumbass", you roll your eyes in playful annoyance and gently pull him closer to you, your faces now only inches apart. Draco's gaze switches between your beautiful, shimmering eyes to your full lips as he suddenly leans in and you close your eyes automatically.

You already feel Draco's breath against your lips when all of a sudden the door to the classroom is opened and Draco jumps away, quickly hiding you behind him, protecting you from the person that is now stepping into the room at this moment.

"Draco?"

"Blaise?"

"What are you doing in here? Shouldn't you be checking the corridors?", Blaise asks him reproachfully and does not seem to have noticed you until you peek over Draco's shoulder and his eyes widen as he spots you.

"Oh, I see. So that is what you are doing in here. Gross", he says, disgusted, and grimaces accordingly. "Then I will not bother you two any longer-"

"Stop, Blaise! It is not like that!", you interrupt him and come out from behind Draco's back, pretending that there wasn't always something between you and Draco that everyone already knew about before you did yourself.

Blaise nods understandingly, but something on his face tells you that he does not believe a single word you just told him. Nevertheless, he says goodbye and leaves the room again, leaving Draco and you in an uncomfortable silence.

"That was close", Draco breathes out heavily and gently takes your smaller hand in his own. "Let us get out of here as well. I will take you back to your dormitory."

Turning around and wanting to pull you with him, he goes to the door but you do not move, which is why he looks back at you irritated, a big question mark over his head as to why you are not following him.

"I do not want to go", you say, barely audible, and look straight into his gray eyes. "We do not see each other very much lately and now that we have finally made it, you quickly want to get rid of me again. If you do not want to spend time with me anymore, then why don't you just tell me, Draco?"

"What are you even talking about, Y/N? You know that it is not true", Draco assures you, putting his hand on your temple, pulling your head towards him to place a kiss on your forehead. "I like you. Like a lot. I like you more than you know. How about we walk around together and you tell me about your week?"

Your face overflowing with joy, you nod in agreement and a happy smile forms on both of your faces. Draco takes your hand back in his and leads the way out of the empty classroom and into the corridor, but not without checking first that Filch or his cat are not coming around the corner at any moment.

You walk next to each other in silence for a few minutes until Draco finally speaks up as you walk down the stairs to the first floor, your hands still intertwined.

"Actually, you know, I should have deducted house points from you for your naughty nightly excursion", he tells you, looking straight ahead, but you can clearly see the grin on his lips regardless. Offended, you hit his upper arm again, this time a little bit harder than before.

"Very funny, you wag", you giggle softly. "If it wasn't for you, I would not have gotten out of my cozy and warm bed in the first place."

"So you are saying that you are doing all of this just for me?"

"Of course, Draco."

"How do I deserve this?", he abruptly stops you as you have reached the bottom of the stairs and wraps his hands around your waist. Your arms sneak around his neck by themselves and you do your best to fake a real looking thoughtful face.

"Because you are such an incredibly great and responsible prefect", you explain with a smile, but he just shakes his head in disappointment, probably expecting you to say something else, and breaks the eye contact, focusing his gaze to the ground.

"Have you ever doubted that? Who else should become head boy in our seventh year if not me?", he covers up his disappointment, questioningly raising one of his eyebrows at you.

"You?", you snort and move away from him, covering your mouth with your hand to prevent yourself from laughing too loud. Draco give you a extremely offended look while you are busy with keeping your laughing fit as quiet as possible.

"What is so funny!?"

"Oh, it is just.. Who is the one here that is always so extraordinary friendly to the first years? Like the one time last year when-"

"Okay, okay!", he interrupts your ramblings by putting his hand over your mouth. However, he is still not able to stop your giggling. "Can you please shut up?"

"I am in favor of Blaise becoming the head boy anyway. He is really good at what he does", you continue to tease the poor platinum haired boy and he rolls his eyes, this time literally, annoyed and continues on his patrol without you.

"Wait! Hold up! Where are you going?", you call after him before you catch up with him again. Because his facial expression, or rather his pout, already gives it away, you do not even have to ask what is wrong.

"Draco Lucius Malfoy. Are you jealous?"

"You wish."

"So you are", you whisper, more to yourself than to him, and stop in your tracks as he keeps walking.

"Hey, do not walk away like this!", you command and put your hand on his shoulder so that he actually comes to a stop. "You did not really take my words seriously, did you?"

Draco sighs dejectedly and lowers his head, but you are quick to put your hand under his chin and guide it up to make him look at you.

"Come on, Draco. You know I did not mean it. I actually think you are a great prefect and that you will become an even better head boy", you smile at him while you fix his green tie with your other hand, your cheeks a little bit red from being so close to him. "I always stand behind you."

Shyly making eye contact with him again, you notice the small smile on his lips and in the next moment you suddenly feel his tender lips pressed against your. He puts so much emotion into the kiss and your heart is about to jump out of your chest as he abruptly stops.

"I love you", he whispers against your lips after breaking the kiss. "I always did."

"I love you too", you smile blissfully happy, although he himself had known for a long time already. "My perfect prefect."

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atlabeth · 3 years

Text

transferred part twelve - atla smau

masterlist | part eleven | part thirteen

this takes place about 2 weeks after the last chapter

summary: trying to run from your past is hard, but falling for your brother’s roommate is even harder. little do you know that he’s falling for you as well.

wc: 3.6k

a/n: i’ve been writing bits and pieces of this since the start of this series so. enjoy. that’s all im gonna say lmao

warning(s): cursing, mentions of familial death, mentions of abuse, some angst but also some fluff. this is kind of a heavy chapter because both zuko and y/n talk about their past, but there is fluff at the end.

~~~~~~~~

You pushed your hair out of your face and tried to blink the sleep out of your eyes, catching a glimpse of the time on the corner of your laptop.

3:23 AM.

You should’ve been asleep a long time ago, but all of your professors had decided to schedule tests in the same week so it was one of many, many late nights you had had lately. You thought that they would cool down because midterms were coming up, but BSSU professors kept proving you wrong. Late nights like these were becoming a regular occasion, and right now you just needed a break.

The tea dates with Zuko were the only things keeping you sane. But could you even call them dates?

It was the two of you, together, sitting and talking over tea for hours, and they were happening multiple times a week. In fact, you and him had gotten tea together exactly 9 times in the past two weeks — and that wasn’t even counting all the talking during your shared shifts.

Katara, Suki, and Toph told you that they were dates, you wanted them to be dates, but there was a part of you that was so incredibly scared that you were wrong — that moving past that bridge would ruin the friendship that you cherished so much with Zuko — that you kept things solely platonic. No matter how much you wanted to kiss him every time he gave you that smile.

But thinking about the complicated relationship you had found yourself entangled in with Zuko wasn’t a break, no matter how many times you had pondered over it before falling asleep in the wee hours of the night.

You closed your laptop and grabbed your jacket that had been carelessly tossed on a stool at the kitchen island, making sure to sneak out of the apartment as quietly as you could. You opted to work in the living room, choosing to camp out on the sofa whenever you had to stay up as late as this, just so you wouldn’t wake up Sokka. Your brother had no idea how much you did for him.

The cool breeze hitting your face and the shining stars in the sky were a welcome change of scenery from the lifelessness that was your apartment at night and your computer screen that you were sure was going to cause you eye issues later in life with how bright it was.

You took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling the crisp night air, and started to walk. You were sure you looked like a mess. You were wearing some flannel pajama pants, a BSSU tank top, tennis shoes, and Zuko’s jacket. He had never asked for it back after that night at the party, and when you had showed up to one of your hangouts wearing it, he told you that you could keep it — “it looks better on you anyways” — so you did.

There was something calming about the atmosphere. You knew that a lot of women were anxious about going out at night, especially alone, but that was why you had taken self defense classes. Being friends with Suki was a self defense class in its own, and it was very much appreciated. You allowed yourself to get lost in your thoughts, trying to give yourself the break that you deserved, when the hairs on the back of your neck stood up.

“You know, it’s not safe to be out alone at this hour.”

You let out a scream at the unexpected voice and whirled around, your fists already up to defend yourself. When you saw who it was, you laughed, completely shocked, and hit your hands against your legs, trying to calm your rapidly beating heart.

“Holy shit, Zuko, you can’t just sneak up on someone like that!” you wheezed. You had no doubt that he only had good intentions, but for a second you thought someone was going to try and kill you. You had to admit, the scare was worth it to see the mix of horror and embarrassment on Zuko’s face.

“I’m so sorry!” His hands were held up placatingly in front of him and he let out a nervous laugh as well, but it did nothing to cover up the wide eyes he stared at you with. “I am so sorry, I didn’t even think about that. I- I was just up studying too, and I heard you leaving so I thought you could use some company- I swear, I wasn’t trying to scare you or anything!”

You shook your head but couldn’t stop the smile on your lips, gesturing for him to come closer while you caught your breath. “It’s fine. Come on, walk with me.”

He fell into step beside you and the two of you walked in silence for a while, the only disruptions being the occasional car that drove by. It was eerily quiet, but with Zuko, it was nice.

“So-”

Both of you laughed when you each interrupted the other, and when you motioned for Zuko to go first he shook his head. You paused for a moment, the question on the tip of your tongue, before you decided to take the plunge.

“I’ve been wondering since I got here; how did you end up as friends with—” You gestured around with your hands. “—this whole crew? It’s kind of a weird combination of people, so I guess I just wanna know how you became a part of it.”

Zuko sighed and ran a hand through his hair, causing your eyes to widen a little bit as a stammered apology came out. “You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to-” He gave you a tight smile and shook his head.

“No, it’s fine. You should know about my life if— if we’re going to keep living together.” He knew the moment he met you, the moment he agreed to let you live with all of them, that he would have to explain his past to you. Hell, your siblings might have already told you some of it — he could only hope you’d still want to be his friend after he was done.

“”I.. I wasn’t the best person in the past. I was a horrible person actually, and I consider myself extremely lucky that I was given so many chances to change. I hurt people. Bullied people. Got into fights just because I could. I was just- horrible is the only way to describe it. But your siblings, Toph, Aang? They were all people that decided to give me one of those chances, and they’re a huge reason that I am who I am today.” Zuko spoke slowly, and you could tell that this was something he didn’t open up to many people about. You smiled softly at him and nodded, letting him know that he could go on.

“I don’t know how much you know about my father, but he’s the CEO of our family company. He’s been this huge presence in the business world for as long as I can remember, and he’s responsible for all the wealth and fame that our family has today. And when I was younger, I idolized him. I thought he was the greatest man in the world, that he could do no wrong, and I just followed him blindly. He was the most important person in my life, but.. I was nothing to him.”

“He didn’t care about his friends, or- or his family, he only cared about power. My mother left when I was young, we haven’t heard a word from her since, and- and I don’t even know if he cared. My father would do whatever it took to become as powerful as he could, and that meant—” Zuko’s voice was getting louder and he cleared his throat, trying to keep his cool. There was a certain hollowness behind his eyes, and it tore you to pieces. “That meant hurting anyone that went against him. Including his children.”

“I have a sister, Azula. She’s a prodigy in every sense of the word, and my father used it, used her. She was clearly his favorite, and it drove me insane. I mean, I did everything for his approval, but he only cared about Azula. We had a good relationship when we were younger, but my father molded her into the kind of person he wanted her to be, and— and I was jealous of her. He used that against us, purposefully staked the fire of our competition, one that I thought I could somehow win. But we had both already lost the second we started fighting against each other.”

“It took me a long time to realize that.. that he was abusing us. I mean, he gave me this scar all because I spoke out of turn, and— and I still thought that I could earn his favor, that he deserved to earn my favor! He threw me out of the house when I was thirteen, and I went to live with my uncle. It took an even longer time, but with his help, and the support of your siblings and their friends, I was able to break the cycle. I was horrible to them at first, all of them, and I hated my father for what he did, but it was probably the thing that saved me.” “And Azula.. leaving her will always be my biggest regret. My biggest mistake. I should’ve forced her to come with me when I was kicked out, I should’ve done something sooner, because maybe she wouldn’t have turned out the way she did.” He swallowed hard, his voice strained. “I came back for her once I was stable, and I helped her get out. I helped her get a therapist. It’s been a long process, but she’s getting better every day. But not a day goes by where I don’t think about what I could’ve done to help her more.”

You instinctively reached out for Zuko’s hand, and to your surprise, he took it without question. You gave his hand a small squeeze and led him over to a nearby bench — without realizing it, the two of you had entered a public park that was near the complex. When you sat down together, you moved so that one of your legs was crossed in front of you and the other was hanging down so you could face him.

“Zuko.. I am so, so sorry. I don’t think any amount of apologies will be able to get how I feel across, but.. you didn’t deserve to go through that. No one deserves to go through that.” You took both of his hands, thankful for the warmth they provided. “Listen to me. Are you listening to me?”

He gave a pained smile and nodded. “Yes, Y/N. I’m listening to you.”

“You are not who you were in middle school. You are not who you were in high school. Okay? Your father is a horrible man, and you wouldn’t have done any of those things if it wasn’t for him. What you did when you were younger wasn’t okay, but the fact that you have so much remorse for it today proves that you’re a good person. Zuko, you are a good person, one of the best men that I’ve ever met in my life, and I’ve only known you for a few months.”

You were subconsciously rubbing calming circles into the back of his hands — hands that were still holding yours — while you talked, but it was all Zuko could think about. “I know you feel guilty about leaving your sister, but you did what you had to do to get out. You came back for her, and you’ve helped her get better. She’s grateful for it, Zuko, I know that much.”

“Everyone else has forgiven you,” you murmured, staring deep into the fire he held in his eyes. “You deserve to forgive yourself.”

The silence that passed while you gazed into each other’s eyes felt like it lasted an eternity, when really it was only about a minute. Zuko was the first to break it, clearing his throat and looking everywhere but at you as his words tumbled out. “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to dump all of this on you at once.”

“It’s okay, Zuko, really. I understand; sometimes you just need to talk to somebody. You don’t know how much it means to me that you trusted me with all of that. And.. if we’re still baring our souls to each other, then I guess I have some things that you should know as well.”

You bit the inside of your cheek; were you really about to tell Zuko about what happened? Most people knew that your mother was dead — killed in a drunk driving accident when you were ten — but you had never told anyone, not even your father or your siblings, about the full effect it had on you. But his eyes told you more than he ever could, and in that moment you knew it would be okay. You could trust him with something you had never trusted anyone else with.

“I’m sure you know that my mother died when I was young.” He nodded and you swallowed, trying to get rid of the sudden dryness in your throat. “It was.. hard. Really hard, on all of us. It was just so unexpected that we didn’t know what to do. We didn’t really have any money to spare, so my dad had to keep working, and I had to take care of Sokka and Katara. I was only eleven, but I basically had to take over the ‘mom’ role. Our grandmother came down to take care of us so we wouldn’t just be a bunch of kids living on our own, but even with her and Katara’s help, it was still hard. Sokka and Katara had to grow up much faster than they should’ve, even though I tried to shield them as much as I could.”

“It was.. a lot. I won’t lie to you, it was a lot. Maybe too much.” A mirthless laugh hung in the air and you had to blink back the tears threatening to spring. “My mother was.. amazing. She was the only one who truly got me, you know? She was just this— this beautiful spirit in the world, and she brought light wherever she went. And when she died, it left this.. huge, gaping hole in my heart, one that I’m still trying to fill. I- I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fill it. I thought as I got older it would be easier, but i-it’s not. The three of us joke around by calling Katara mom because of how she is, and they sometimes do it to me, and I know that’s all they are, jokes, but some part of it still hurts.”

You were rambling now, spilling your soul to Zuko, going into the most mundane details that you had never told anyone. You had taken away the dam that had been holding back the waters of your emotions for so long, and now Zuko was going to drown in them. But you couldn’t stop.

“It’s the reason why I didn’t drive for so long. I didn’t want to, I was terrified of it because of what happened to my mother, but someone needed to be able to take Sokka and Katara around. And- and as I got older, and I started going to parties and people started drinking, I never did. I couldn’t, I was always the designated driver, because I couldn’t leave that in someone else’s hands. I had to be in control, because if I let someone go, then it was like I was killing my mother all over again, and it’s the reason why I always have to be the one driving—”

You paused to take a deep breath, and as you looked down at your hands, you realized they were shaking. Not just your hands, but your entire body. What the hell were you doing? You let out a tearful laugh, covering your mouth with one hand and shaking your head. “God, I am so sorry, I— I don’t know what got into me.”

Zuko’s eyes never left yours, his own glassy, and he shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize. Like you said, it helps to tell someone. A-and— I know how you feel, what it’s like feeling like you have to give up the world for your siblings. But you have to take care of yourself too. You’re not just what you can give to other people. You are your own person.”

He was thankful that you trusted him enough to tell you something like this about yourself, something that your own blood didn’t even know, but it also made him realize that you had always trusted him.

Your point about driving. You liked to be in control so that if something did go wrong, there wouldn’t be any thoughts of what you could’ve done. If something happened, it was because of you and only you. And on your first day of classes, and many trips since, you had let him drive. It was something so small, so insignificant to anyone, but to you it was a sign of trust.

You trusted him.

“You’re shivering.” Your voice snapped Zuko back to reality and he shrugged, the smallest smile playing on his lips.

“I wouldn’t be if someone had given me my jacket back,” he joked. You elbowed him in the chest and stood up, holding out your hand for him to take to help him up as well. Zuko took it and you ignored the butterflies that erupted, setting a steady pace as the two of you walked.

“We should get back to the apartment. It’s late, and you need to sleep,” you chided.

“You have bags the size of baseballs under your eyes. I think you need sleep just as much as I do.”

“I’m special,” you shot back with a grin.

Yeah, you are, Zuko thought.

The walk back to the apartment was shrouded in comfortable silence and intertwined hands, something that neither of you made any move to change.

~~~~~~~~

Soon enough you had gotten back to your rooms — such a small apartment meant that they were right next to each other — and as you turned on your heel to face him, a shy smile played on your lips. “Thank you. For, uh- coming after me. For listening to me.”

“Of course,” he nodded. The two of you stood in silence for a while, and then Zuko reached out his hand. Your breath caught in your throat as he brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear, and the close proximity combined with the surprisingly intimate act caused your cheeks to heat up once more. It was like you were caught in a trance.

Your gaze flickered from his eyes to his lips for just a moment, and you could’ve sworn that he did the same. The air between the two of you was crackling with unseen electricity, and before you could question yourself you were leaning forward.

You felt him lean in as well as your eyes fluttered shut, and his lips ghosted over yours. Your eyes snapped open and you stared at him, your lips slightly parted in disbelief — he just kissed you. Zuko just kissed you. It was like time had stopped — and then it all came crashing down. His lips came back to yours with an intense fervor, cupping your face in his hands to get as close to you as possible.

It was bliss in the purest sense. You reciprocated immediately, tangling a hand in his dark hair, letting out a soft gasp as your back hit the wall. Despite how many times you had imagined this moment, nothing could compare to the real thing. It was passionate but gentle all the same, and the warmth that spread through your whole body was familiar — it was Zuko.

Your mind was a jumbled mess. It was split a million different ways; one part suddenly very worried about how your hair looked, one hoping that Sokka and Aang couldn’t hear you, another that didn’t care, but most of them were just screaming about how oh my god you were kissing Zuko.

You knew your whole face was flushed when you finally pulled away, and the warmth of his lips lingered as the two of you stared at each other, breathing slightly labored. You tentatively reached out your hand and softly, carefully traced your finger over a part of his scar. He flinched at the contact instinctively, but you felt him relax and even lean into your touch. It meant more than you could ever say, especially knowing what you knew now.

“You’re so beautiful,” you murmured, your touch impossibly soft against the cracked skin of his scar. “And you’re stronger than anyone knows. Than you know.”

You kissed him again, shorter and sweeter than the first but just as tender, trying to memorize the feeling of his lips against yours as he returned it. You smiled at him and pushed your door open behind you, equal parts nervous and exhilarated about what just happened. “Goodnight, Zuko,” you whispered, shining eyes never leaving his until you closed the door.

As soon as you were in your room you turned around and leaned against the door, smiling to yourself like an idiot. Your hand ghosted over your cheek, the spot where his hands had been, and you sighed dreamily. You had no idea how you were going to be able to finish studying.

This was definitely more than a small crush.

~~~~~~~~~~

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