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#and a symptom of parasocial relationships
hon3yteddy · 1 year
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꒰ nct dream + intimate moments i want to experience 🍞 ꒱
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synopsis: tbh idk but there thing i'd generally kill to experience (this is not a joke), and add some arson too if i get to do them with dream genre(s): established relationship, romance, tooth rotting fluff warning(s): mix use of tenses, severe symptoms of delusions and signs of parasocial relationship, not reread at all !!! author's note: hanging out with newjeans at the psych ward
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#𝟎𝟐𝟎𝟖 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐋𝐄𝐄 . . .
― kind of cliché a cheesy... but slow dancing! mark's one of us - a hopeless romantic so he'd definitely be a sucker for a slow dance under the dim lights of your shared apartment. he'd perfectly time his movements after instantly recognising your favourite slow song (i recommend any song by laufey) drift from the kitchen as you prepare your dinner for the evening. he's heard the song too many times to count but mark never minded. he loved that about you - the little things, the big things, and everything in between.
just before the chorus, he'd slip behind you, guiding your hands with his own to carefully drop whatever you were holding, and clumsily twirl you round to face him. i can feel it in my bones that the man would do those knew weakening, borderline giggle, chuckle of his and gently pull your hand for a light kiss against the skin of your knuckles. you would find yourself resting one hand on his shoulder and the other being embraced tightly by his. mark always loves how close you feel when you're like this.
he would give you that look, the look you've seen a hundred times. it's the same one he gave you before he kissed you for the first time, the same one he wore when he finally got the guts to ask you on a date, that look so beautiful and real that your too much in a daze to notice him slip an arm around your waist. together you slowly sway to the beat of the song, forgetting the past and ignoring the future.
he holds you close, maybe too close even. yet none of that mattered. all that did was the way he was whisking you across the room, embracing you tight. feathered kisses, words of worship, lovesick eyes - truly a night to remember.
♡: mark, the foods going to burn... mk: guess so. but i'll eat anything made by you, burnt or not. ♡: the food is definitely burning right now!
#𝟐𝟑𝟎𝟑 𝐇𝐔𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐉𝐔𝐍 . . .
― renjun is a true artist and what is one of the most popular forms of art? paintings. he adores painting you, a truly enjoyable pastime. countless of times would you catch him sketching you, entrapping every detail of your soul onto a canvas or simply just the ripped page of a battered notebook. you have always been curious about his hobby so every now and then you'd have the honour of spending the hour painting with renjun.
there's something so dear about painting with someone you love. maybe it's the serenity, or the way the soul becomes so vulnerable yet so free on the canvas. whatever it was, things always felt so different when it would be the two of you.
evenings were always the time for such dates and soon enough the both of you would have long ago abandoned the canvases. it all had started when you had gotten frustrated with your piece of the day, for it could never compare to renjun's. so frustration took over, and you had painted a sad face on side of his face so very careful to not poke him in the eye. your shaky attempt at frown reminded you of the earlier days where it was socially acceptable to paint on one’s face and so you didn’t stop.
you enjoyed it and he could tell as he too abandoned his own piece to paint on you. the way he carefully held your giggling bod still and swirled his brush against your exposed skin from the blush of your cheeks, to the dent of your collarbones. you always found renjun prettier when he was focused and now he was focused on every part of you, adorning you with works of his own. yet none of his paintings could ever compete with the beauty of you. 
♡: you always make me look so beautiful, renjun. rj: you just simply are, that's all.
#𝟐𝟑𝟎𝟒 𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐉𝐄𝐍𝐎 . . .
― jeno is a man sent from the heavens, carved by zeus himself and blesses the undeserving earth with his presence. basically, he's a sweet man with big, beefy arms you kinda just want to chomp and snuggle against. (the indescribable things i'd do to be embraced by the lee jeno can not be said aloud.)
cuddling is a simplistic show of affection and jeno must be the best person to hug in the whole world. a true safe place in this cruel world where you can finally let yourself be vulnerable and receive the love you oh so needed.
jeno loves hugging you. if it's after work, after a hard day, on the sofa, out of the blue, the man would be at your beck and cal. sometimes you didn't need to ask. he'd would be right there each and every time and he would love every hug he got to share with you. the thought of simply hugging you is everything to this lovesick puppy.
the hugs he loves the most are the ones you just needed the most. the ones where there was no need for an exchange of words or questioning eyes, just open arms. there was no other soul on this very earth who could make you feel so loved yet so weak in his arms that you could swear you could break, and sometimes you did. but he was there, and that's all you needed.
there's something so intense between each hug - tight embraces, soft hums, tender kisses, and the alignment of both your hearts. with each hug, jeno told you he loved you without the need for a single word.
jn: … (i love you) ♡: … (i love you too)
#𝟎𝟔𝟎𝟔 𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍 . . .
― now it's no surprise to us when i say haechan adores physical touch. he honestly invented the love language itself. so of course, the dude is very much in love with you and the act of kissing you. every chance he got, he kissed you every time. but if there was one thing haechan loves more than kissing you, it's you kissing him.
imagine just kissing every inch of this man who deserves all the love in the world! he loves it when you kiss his moles with whispered words of praise in between. he never lets you miss one and always points out one just to get another kiss.
he's a giggling mess and you are too. hiding underneath the bed covers, tracing your hands against his bare skin, enjoying the way he writhes in anticipation for your next kiss. it's a game you both enjoy too much.
don't worry, you always get your fair share of kisses. he loves kissing the details of your skin and he loves even more the reaction he earns with each one (cocky dude). there isn't a single part of you he dislikes. oh, and if you too are blessed with moles of your own, he'll find each and every one to give a tickling kiss. sometimes he'll call them stars, sometimes its the cute dots of ladybugs - every single blemish, scar and mole would be loved, for haechan is just utterly in love with your very being down to the last detail.
hc: you know moles are where your lover kissed you in your past life? ♡: really? you must have given me these then. hc: and in your next life, you’ll have so many more for me to kiss…
#𝟏𝟑𝟎𝟖 𝐍𝐀 𝐉𝐀𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐍 . . .
― bubble baths. i can't explain it easily, but there's something so romantic about bubble baths. jaemin isn't necessarily joining you, but if wants to, he can hop in my imagine bath tub. he's actually the one preparing them for you. he'll always want his lover to feel a tease, he could never let you drown yourself in stress.
every now and then he would prepare the perfect bubble bath, filling the tub with hot water, scented ointments, expensive soap and even a dash of petals. you can tell he enjoys doing it too as he'll usually greeted by the man himself at the door, wearing the proudest smile. he doesn't hesitate in sweeping you off your feet, always nagging for you to relax while he takes care of everything else.
he always prepares a lot, paying attention to every detail he knows you'll love. your favourite song plays, a calming scent drift from the candles he's lit, there'll always be a glass of your favourite drink by your side and your favourite pjs hang against the door for you to slip in after.
as you lay in the bath, wading your hands against the water that’s just right, you sometimes feel shy under jaemin’s attentive and kind gaze. You may even complain about it all being too much but he’s quick to hush you with a kiss. jaemin just wants you to enjoy the serenity every now and then, he can’t handle seeing the one he loves struggling. he enjoys spoiling you and he loves seeing your tense body finally give up and melt. this week he’ll read you a book as he sits beside the bathtub, not caring if you splash a little water onto him. the next he’ll let you enjoy a movie, and the one after, he’ll bring you a meal for you to enjoy whether that be a fast food burger or home cooked pasta. chivalry could never be dead with jaemin around.
jm: it's time you to take a break! ♡: you already did this for me like last week! jm: it's not illegal for you to take regular breaks, okay?
#𝟐𝟐𝟏𝟏 𝐙𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐋𝐄 . . .
― you know that genre of romance scenes where the main couple help the other put on a necklace, fix a tie, button up their shirt, brush their hair etc, that - all of that. the simplicity of getting ready with a lover is so dreamy and chenle is indeed the man of everyone's dream.
the intensity shared between the two of you is unmatched. the bliss silence, hesitant touches, enchanted eye contact... gosh i'm blushing. when he stands behind you, letting his fingers graze the back of your neck to clasp the new necklace he's bought you. a compliment leaves his lips to touch upon the shell of your ear. he never dares to hide from your watchful eyes in the reflection and neither do you.
chenle lets his fingers glide down you bare back to zip the material of your outfit together. he holds you still while his hand painstakingly slowly moves up your spine for him to stop with a soft “all done”, enamoured by you and only you. and when he places you in front of the vanity mirror, threading his fingers through your hair, taking his time in watching, no, worshipping your very being in a blissful silence
the tension would almost be too much to bear. the way he gazes down at you while your busy fixing the tie he has clearly messed up on purpose. he always catches himself enjoying it all too much. something about the close proximity, focused eyes and building tension that's got his knees on the verge of buckling. just every moment chenlesees you, he swears he's fallen in love with you all over again.
cl: so b- ♡: you're going to call me beautiful again, aren't you?
#𝟎𝟓𝟎𝟐 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐈𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆 . . .
― now me and mr park jisung don't have a lot in common, but we do share the epitome of being awkward (he just pulls it off better than me. so it's fair to say that hand holding would get jisung weak in the knees. he's just a tall grown man with the soul of a little child and who's hopelessly in love with you.
and i must say, jisung has got the prettiest hands i've ever seen, no wonder you can't hold yourself back from slipping your hands into his. it makes him jump every time but he'd hold hands with you forever if he could.
it begins with the two of you walking side by side and a noticeable brush of hands. then a classic pinkie lock comes into play and jisung is in a mess already. and finally you'll intertwine your fingers with his once again. it's shock to his poor heart every time it occurs. he'd never let his eyes meet your face, he's far to weak to look at your beautiful face. he would simply falter and break under your loving gaze.
hand holding is a timeless classic move that is every loner's dream. does jisung wish he could experience the sensation of holding hands with you for the first time? very much so!
♡: you're adorable, jisung. js: … (internal monologue about how much he's in love with you)
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january 2023 © hon3yteddy
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tobi-smp · 2 months
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https://twitter.com/mackself_/status/1752500529849045230?t=w8C_e8xr0ADSDa3L-7djPw&s=19
Penny for your thoughts?
[Link]
my real answer: I'm extremely uninterested in getting into arguments with people set on demonizing traumatized mentally ill characters for being traumatized and mentally ill. particularly when it comes to wilburians and inniters having strange crimeboys takes and taking pot shots at each other.
neither side (speaking only to the extremists in each group of course) seems to want to hear that traumatized mentally ill people Will often hurt each other while also still loving and caring about each other. the messy symptoms for Their character flattened and excused and pasted over, while the messy symptoms of the other are amplified and taken out of context and demonized.
I especially feel like with wilbur in particular people are really sensitive about viewing anything he does and says in a negative light, because of how he was treated in the fanbase And because of how Much his story is centered around his suicide.
the nasty things he said To Tommy, whether that be during his spiral or in limbo or after his revival, are so often just. Smoothed Over. if not outright talked about like it's some gotcha that people use to vilify wilbur and not a pattern of behavior just as much as tommy's own aggressiveness.
people vilified tommy for being scared and angry at wilbur after his reintroduction to the point that there are people who genuinely fully believe that their limbo stream and tommy's obvious fear of wilbur after tommy's own revival was retconned.
to put it bluntly, I think there's a ton of projection happening on both sides, understandably so considering how deeply and beautifully these characters tackle mental health. but I think that projection mingled with the way that Other parts of the fandom mistreat these characters make this Extreme defensiveness that's just really not worth engaging with.
and that's not even considering how the mcyt community as a whole has a major problem with parasocial relationships taken too far. Especially during 2020-2021 when covid was at its height and people were really leaning onto Their Streamer to help them cope with the isolation.
that's not to say that parasocial relationships or projection are inherently Bad. I know full well that I do both without a shred of embarrassment about it. it's very famously why I still can't engage with boundless sands content without immediately bursting into tears a year later.
but a lot of people can't seem to untangle their very personal feelings about it from arguments about characterization or writing or meta. it's very important to them to absolve Their Good Friend from any guilt or wrongdoing and to stick up for them against the bad people that are hurting them, be that other characters or people online. Especially when "their good friend" is Also a stand in for themselves (whether they realize it or not).
and it's just not worth engaging with that, especially not in 2024. if someone needs to use wilbur to be kind to the part of themselves that's hurting then by all means, I'm certainly not throwing stones in glass houses.
but there's really nothing To Say to someone who fully believes that tommy needs to be held accountable for driving wilbur to suicide in pogtopia. I think that's an extremely uncharitable, unkind thing to believe. I think it's an Unfair thing to believe. but it kind of doesn't matter what I think. I doubt there's anything that I or anyone could say that would change someone's mind if they already believe this.
and for my money, I'll be content just not speaking to someone who thinks that way.
my first reaction: did I only get sent this because I said that tommy calling wilbur crazy during pogtopia while actively trying to take care of him and get him to not kill himself isn't the same thing as techno doing it while actively enabling wilbur's violent self destructive death spiral [Link]
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ftl-faster-than-life · 6 months
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So im just having a good time, nedding along every time i see your posts, but i dont actually know who Eobard is? (hope i spelled that right)
Can you give like a describtion and potentially some fun facts of the character?
Eobard Thawne is the Reverse Flash! One of three, but he was the first. He's Barry Allen's nemesis. I started a whole detailed breakdown of his character history, but three paragraphs in I realized it was dense and not particularly interesting if you're not up on the Flash lore. So here he is in a series of bullet points.
-He's the distant descendant of Barry Allen's evil twin, Malcolm, who was separated from the Allen family at birth and raised by the Thawnes. (For people keeping track, Barry and Eobard share less than .1% of their DNA.)
-He's from the 25th century, and is the product of extensive gene tailoring. He's a designer baby.
-He hyperfixated on Barry's heroics and early death from a young age, forming a parasocial relationship with Barry to make up for his parents' neglect.
-As an adult, he became a historian specializing in the Flashes and the Speed Force, and eventually became the curator for the Flash museum in his time. (He still works there. Still.)
-His powers were originally derived from a costume that Barry had worn, which was imbued with enough power to allow Eobard to imitate a speedster's feats.
-His personal vendetta against the Flashes is separate from the overarching feud that Malcolm started between the Allens and the Thawnes and started with him either witnessing his own death at Barry's hands or discovering that he was going to be the Reverse Flash and be killed by Barry.
-He killed Iris West in the original timeline (she was later cloned and revived by her parents in the 30th century and went on to have twins with Barry, anyway.)
-He eventually replicated the accident that created the Speed Force, making his own Negative Speed Force which appears to be parasitic.
-He's been killed by Barry Allen twice, in the same place and time, once in defense of Fiona Webb whom Barry was going to marry and once in defense of Wally West.
-He can't be killed permanently or have his timeline changed in a way that will effectively get rid of him. He's a fungus of a person.
-He vacillates wildly between wanting to be Barry, kill Barry, and wanting to be with Barry. This isn't character inconsistency, this is just a symptom of his instability.
Do any of these count as fun facts?
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pixxiesticksys · 2 months
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Not radqueer
Parasocial Attachment Disorder
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Parasocial Attachment Disorder
Image ID: Two flags. Both Feature 11 stripes of pinks, yellows, and a very light blue. The first three stripes on both flags are light pink, each slightly more yellow than the last. The forth flag is a much redder and darker shade of pink. The fifth stripe is yellow and the sixth is very light blue, easily confused with white. The last five stripes mirror the first five. Yellow, the redder pink, and the three light pinks, now going from the most yellow to the least. The first flag also has an icon of a phone with the visual of a person inside. Faded outlines of love hearts float behind the phone. End ID
This is NOT a radqueer term
Parasocial Attachment Disorder is a term to describe people who experience parasocial relationships on the most disruptive level.
Symptoms people with Parasocial Relationships may experience are
Inability to think about anything other than Parasocial Figure for long periods of time, resulting in lack of focus
A need for constant updates or viewings of Parasocial Figure causing excessive internet usage in their name
A sense of emotional pain or distress when Parasocial Figure is no longer accessible or available which can lead to feelings of abandonment or loss
A sense of jealousy or discomfort towards other fans or when when Parasocial Figure interacts with others
Intense emotional reactions to the life events of Parasocial Figure
A tendency to view Parasocial Figure as perfect, leading to unrealistic ideals
A tendency to struggle interacting with those on the same "relationship level" as Parasocial other. Siuch as having a hard time making friends due to the belief that they will never be as good or feeling they're cheating on their partner due to their feelings
Unrealistic ideals for the future, such as believing they will meet Parasocial Figure and Parasocial Figure will immediately be everything they dreamed of them being/solve all of their problems
Desire to take/intrusive thoughts of taking extreme measures to ensure a relationship with Parasocial Figure
Feelings of depression, distress, anguish, or even suicidal over the reality of the relationship between themself and Parasocial Figure
Inability to stop or control thoughts relating to or about Parasocial Figure/Influx of intrusive thoughts
Attachment to Parasocial other feels like a disorder or an addiction and is near impossible to get over without the help of others
Attachment lasting years without pause
Attachment randomly triggering again after the haver was thought to be over with it
This is still NOT a radqueer term ! I cant stop anyone from using it but if you do please don't like if your main is radqueer or reblog onto a radqueer blog
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anonymousad · 8 months
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harlan guthrie sharing that he was having a baby is actually a pretty normal, non parasocial thing to do imo. i wouldn't call the number of children you have inappropriately intimate information to disclose.
inappropriately intimate information to disclose is more like sharing pictures of your real custody agreement paperwork, sending emotionally fraught screenshots from emails with your father with whom you have a strained relationship (and oversharing how this strained relationship informs your podcasts to people BRAND NEW to your server who just wanted to pay you a compliment), giving your personal home address to fans, and telling people about your kidney stones, including the symptoms you were experiencing.
here's where i'd joke "you know, as a hypothetical example", but being a one-off anon message, i'll be clear that yes, these are all real examples harlan guthrie shared publically in his very large discord server. he doesn't have a good grasp of boundaries or the general concept of parasociality, and the extremely weak and ill-enforced "rules" of his server both exemplify and contribute to this.
(he's also infamously fast and loose with the privacy of others, making a hobby of screenshotting and posting bad reviews of his shows without redacting usernames even after being told repeatedly that this was not cool. supposedly he really has stopped for good now, which would be good, but also he did give a child's real name and face in private conversation with two separate users in the recent 'nazi child' incident, so.)
first of the anonymous asks I got with stories/information on the whole Harlan Guthrie discord thing.
note: yeah I recognize the baby thing is probably just me, I don't like strangers knowing a lot about myself. so seeing others do it so freely and openly despite knowing they have thousands of fans is jarring and kind of scares me.
I'm not sure if I'm going to do more with each of these than just boost them and have them all gathered in one place, but depending on the kinds of correlating incidents that come in I may do something like a timeline of events or something showing patterns of behavior.
I will say that the last sentence of this ask DOES have context, which I learned from someone passing along this tumblr post:
let me know what people might find helpful. I know for some the goal of this kind of thing is going to have one place to point and start asking for accountability, it's nice to have stuff gathered.
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olderthannetfic · 1 year
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<p>Hello hello! I have been following the tagging conversation with interest from the shipping tags to the content tags and I wonder what are your thoughts on it having such a long view on the history of fandom. I'm somewhat new to fandom (lurker most of my life) so never as in the trenches of discourse but tagging/disclaimers back 10, 20 years ago seemed to be about covering yourself from liability (hi Anne Rice's lawyers!) and to give a general sense of what was inside the tin. </p>
<p>But nowadays it seems that tagging and especially content warnings/some author notes have become a performance on "moral rightness" or "wellness culture" that has permeated the larger social media air (like being an author takes the shape of an influencer so you are "responsible" for your "followers'" "wellbeing"). Am I right at seeing this as a newish development? The very tenor of the conversations going on in your inbox suggests to me this is specific of an acute moment of social media performance of self but I wanted to know if you see larger parallels with other past moments in fandom history. Is this is new behavior? In which ways do you think the usage of fan writing, tagging, and archiving lately discussed in your inbox symptomizes key changes in what fandom is? </p>
--
I think forms of conversation about labeling fic have been going on for quite a while. While zine fics were generally entirely unlabeled, the very zine they ran in told you a lot of information. Plenty of zines wouldn't accept anything that wasn't their OTP getting a happily ever after together. When a story did not satisfy, people had plenty to say.
Labeling that mocks other labeling has also always been a thing. For every legally vacuous, painting a target on one's own back "Don't sue" disclaimer written in earnest, there was a comedic take on the form.
I think the sense that someone is responsible for their followers' well-being is actually old too, but it hasn't always been expressed as a labeling thing. You can see traces of it in meta about BNFs from years ago. Even back when fandom was much smaller and people really were mostly peers, there was still a tendency towards parasocial relationships with BNFs, but that concept was so much less in the public eye and people didn't really know how to talk about the pressure and expectations. Movie stars are one thing, but anybody who becomes micro-famous semi-accidentally, like youtubers who take off faster than expected or fans who get popular for writing a great fic, tends to be faced with sudden expectations about their relative power and their duty towards their fans. And they generally still think of themselves as one of the crowd.
Nobody Ever Admits They're a BNF by Hope from 2004 is a classic example. It's not about tagging or headers, but it delves into expectations about whose feelings are more important that are exactly the same as the kinds of protests people make today.
As usual, I think the structure and shittiness of the internet has changed, but people have not.
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queerregulusablack · 2 years
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Okay initially yes I was going to make a long, carefully reasoned post about the ask Jude was sent and how it’s a symptom of a much large problem ie fandom entitlement and parasocial relationships with writers and the shoehorning of popular fanfic authors into the role of celebrity or ‘content creator’. I skeletoned it. It’s still sitting in my drafts.
But I’ve had a trying day and even after sitting on it for over six hours I’m still heated, so this is what we get instead.
This is the kind of thing that kills fandoms.
I like to joke that I am ‘old man yells at cloud’ in the Marauders fandom, because I’m closer to the top end of the age range here, and I’ve been doing the fandom thing for more than a decade. I’ve got buckets of experience; very little fandom nonsense is new to me, regardless of it’s twists and turns.
So when I say this, I say it with enough experience to know it to be true; this sense of entitlement, and this callous, uncaring treatment of the artists who create for this fandom, is exactly the kind of thing that kills fandoms.
It makes writers stop wanting to write. It makes artists stop drawing. It makes the people responsible for funny incorrect quotes blogs leave their pages for greener pastures. It’s not just rude, and arrogant, and honestly pretty damn cruel; it kills joy, and motivation, and it will drive this fandom into the ground.
Jude doesn’t owe you anything. Zar doesn’t, Yaz doesn’t, no artist, participating in any fandom, owes you a single thing. They create their art for free. You are lucky to get a word of it; you should be incredibly grateful they post anything at all, because for a lot of fandoms people just don’t. Off the top of my head I can think of two separate fandoms where I and a friend built a ship tag from the ground up, because no one else was writing for them, and so believe me when I say that you should be enormously grateful for every scrap of content you receive.
You should not be demanding more. You certainly shouldn’t be dictating when anyone shares their art, or talking to them like theirs is just ‘filler’ for the gaps between updates by a person you prefer.
I cannot put into words how rude that is. How awful that is. It is so, so entitled and unpleasant to think you have the right to do anything even close to that.
At the end of the day, these are people using up many hours of their limited personal lives to create art, for free, that they are under no obligation to share with you but do anyway out of the kindness of their hearts. It doesn’t matter what your personal preference is, it doesn’t matter how personable and willing to talk to you they are, it is still their creation. They decide when it comes out, and how it comes out, and every snippet is an absolute gift; and I do not know how to fully express how absurd it is to bite at the hand feeding you so generously, and for fucking FREE.
I do think the readiness of so many popular Marauders authors to interact with fandom the way they do, with their open askboxes - with anon on for some! - is a mind-boggling phenomenon. I think it’s wonderful.
If you keep this kind of behaviour up, it is another thing you are going to lose.
The writers you’re talking to are people. They’re not cleverly concealed AI churning out content for clicks; no one pays them. They are human beings, sacrificing their time to create, and offering up the stories they have lovingly crafted to you for no reason other than because they love what they’ve made and want to share it, because they think you might love it too.
I cannot physically comprehend the sheer audacity required to spit in the face of that.
Treat your authors better. Respect the fact that they have lives, remember that they don’t owe you shit, and if you cannot say anything to them that is not basic-level respectful and kind, don’t say anything at all.
Or you will lose all of this. And you’ll have no one to blame but yourselves.
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laf-outloud · 1 year
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//It was so bad this time that even Jensen looked embarrassed both times his fans went over-the-top. I would hope that those same fans would watch the video afterwards and realize how stalkerish they sound and see that Jensen is not impressed or flattered - more like creeped out. [X]//
Yea, don't waste that hope lol. The person who asked the question all but bragged about it on twitter. And you will NOT be surprised to see who it was:
https://twitter.com/JensensGroupie/status/1622635290991927298
So the question. After I caught my breath after seeing my name on the list, right side, Leslie lastimosa, g12... I said Hi Jensen and he said hi. I told him I loved and worship him. He said don't worship me. I said too late. Then I said, so like last month you said in Another Con that you had just signed a new deal and that there would be a press release "soon". So what exactly is your definition of soon bc we're dying out here. That went on the moving the needle thing. And at the end as I was walking back to my seat one of them I think JP said well that was a adventure. And I'm like baby you don't know the half of it 😜
This person is such an insane AA. There are so many tweets of hers I've seen people send to blogs like its-sassyboots, or neecy. She is vitriolically anti-Jared too (shocker I know....). I would say take a scroll through her twitter but I really can't advise that if you have more than one brain cell. And she puts her face right out there on main:
https://twitter.com/JensensGroupie/status/1623104299726241793
(side note, this photo op recap from her is HILARIOUS, like she thinks Jensen was just excited to stare into her eyes LMAO)
Oh, it's that lady! I remember her from this tweet:
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There's so much to unpack. First of all, what's she doing putting her full name out there? They cover that in Internet Safety 101! (Although, I imagine anyone who contacts her will quickly be repelled by her constant babbling about Jensen).
And listen, I'll be the first one to say there's no age limit to being a fan of someone, but there is most definitely an age limit to being this utterly obsessed with a celebrity. And 53 is WAY too old for this. (Any age is too old for parasocializing, but especially if you're a grown-ass adult).
I know I sometimes call AAs and Hellers delusional, but I'm being completely serious when I say this woman is in desperate need of help. It seems she's built her entire world around worshipping Jensen and in all likelihood, is unable to cultivate real-world relationships that could help fill whatever gaps exist in her life that she's currently using Jensen to fill.
She's displaying very similar symptoms of fans whose obsessions go horribly wrong. I don't think she's quite there yet, but she's well on her way and I pray that she can get the help she so desperately needs before it gets that far.
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HI? oh my god, i can't believe you're back. I was so sad when you left back in march and i used to check from time to time to see if you decided to return which you did and i didn't notice until now because i took a break from social media and i deleted the tumblr app from my phone which leads me to the point of this whole rambling/ask i'm sending; so i was going through some of the questions you answered and i was surprised with your experience with the fandon while you were away because i had the same exact experience a month ago....everything you mentioned resonates a lot with me because i felt the exact same things, the hating it and hating how attached i became and how much it affected my emotions. It's so insane because i did the same thing as you, except i, not only unfollowed the fandom related accounts but deactivated my whole twitter account, then deleted twitter from my phone and tumblr too, because the discourse was too much for me and then i decided that i wanted to go back to my old hobbies, to other things, i needed something different because it was too much.
Anyways, this is me just rambling and i wanted to share because i'm going through the same thing. As you can see i came back because same as you, i can't find a balance to it all or a solution yet and maybe there's not point of telling you this because i have not find an answer yet and all of this is to say that i share your sentiment? and i wonder if more people go through the same thing and maybe it's more normal than we think.
It feels so stupid when you put it into perspective but at the same time it affects me and my feelings? i don't know, it's so weird but it's a real addiction, i'm really trying to get better at it and trying to handle my emotions and not react to discourse. Trying to enjoy the fun parts and ignore all the negative stuff.
I hope you can get the solutions and get there in a more healthy way faster than me!! lol, i'm SO glad you're back!!! i really love reading your opinions about everything.
Hey anon, sorry it took me a bit longer to answer your ask.
I'm glad you wanted to share your experience. I do think it's important to talk about having this love/hate, hot and cold relationship with the fandom and how complicated it can get. It's a form of emotional attachment that can take many shapes or becomes the focus of something really specific. In my case, I know it gets to me when I read really mean spirited things about Jimin. Or when I see active attempts at dismissing everything that JM and JK do together. As much as I'm aware that they are ridiculous, I'm not indifferent. And those are usually the times in which I tend to run away from it, take a break. I didn't deactivate twitter like you, but my tendency was to log out of tumblr, I felt that was the place I was usually coming back to.
I don't think there's some magic solution to this. As much as there are factual bad things happening and legitimate reasons to get angry or frustrated, these sort of reactions and having a parasocial relationship (which is quite nuanced) is most likely a symptom. Of what? Things from our own life and unresolved issues. Perhaps emotional distress. There's plenty of reasons. Being involved in a fandom or just reading tweets and blog posts and looking up videos on yt is a nice form of escapism. It's not wrong to have that. We all find things to entertain or distract us. For some it can be a fandom. But it doesn't mean it shouldn't be investigated or at least not questioned. For our own sake. Talking about it is fine. It doesn't matter how uncool it is. It's so much harder to admit that there is a problem, instead of acting like we're all very stable and completely regular folks and everything we talk about here and the content we consume has no emotional bearing on us. I find that hard to believe.
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ashermiss · 1 year
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I think that the way people talk about parasocial relationships has become really unkind and unhelpful. Understanding that parasocial relationships aren't mutual and that they can become unhealthy if they are obsessive is good and necessary. But some people want to act as if having any kind of feelings at all about a public figure is a symptom of some horrible mental illness, which is ridiculous and makes you incapable of making good points on whatever issue you are trying to comment on.
This is partially about the recent Ned Fulmer thing, but really that just reminded me about the John Mulaney transphobia controversy that happened a few months ago. So many people that commented on either were attempting to act superior to those who felt anything at all about these people. As if it's wrong or weird to feel disappointed or angry about a guy with social influence being shitty. As if trans people didn't have the right to be angry that a famous, successful, and widely loved comedian decided to throw them under the bus. As if people aren't allowed to feel bad that a guy making his living partially off of their engagement decided to hurt his wife and family.
The reason that people feel disappointed and betrayed is because this is a betrayal on some level. Obviously it isn't a personal betrayal, but it is still a social betrayal. I think that most people would agree that public figures have a level of social responsibility, even if it's just the very basics of not spreading hate speech and not hurting others. I agree that it's unhealthy to put your entire emotional well-being into the hands of public figures, but I do think it's normal to expect them to behave ethically, and to be disappointed when they don't.
Idk, a lot of the people commenting about these controversies seem to be of the opinion that people only cared because it was proof that these widely liked public figures were different in private than how they presented themselves to the public. A lot of comments of the "you don't really know these people sweaty 🙄" variety. And personally, I wasn't a "fan" of either John Mulaney or Ned Fulmer, but I still felt disappointed. Because these people had social influence and power, and chose to behave unethically and hurt people. And I think it's normal to have negative feelings about that.
I don't think the solution to "sometimes famous people are shitty" is to act like everyone who ever liked that person or interacted with their work is mentally ill or engaging in some kind of inherently unhealthy roleplay thing. I think it's normal that people feel bad when a public figure they like does something to hurt someone. And I think people with social influence should be held accountable when they hurt people.
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Hi, uhm I have some mental health issue's but nobody to talk about it. Abusive parents, no other adults in my life, no option for a councilor. I started very extensively making up conversations with my former therapist in my mind. I tell them everything and imagine what they would say. Tbh it has been many years since I saw them and it has turned into kinda a parasocial relationship? They wasn't my therapist for long and by now I don't even know much about them anymore so I probably made up a very different person in my mind. It feels kinda... boundary overstepping, to use them as conversation (and validation) partner at that extend but I also feel like I need it for my mental health. Do you have any other idea how I could get this... outlet, which doesn't involve another person (one-sided relationship or not)?
Hi anon,
I think to some degree it can be helpful to think about what your therapist would say because on some level that's developing your own self-reliance and insight into coping with any situations that may arise, which is the goal of therapy. But it sounds like this has consumed more of your time and energy than may be healthy.
It's understandable to make up these extensive conversations and dynamics in your head considering your experiences of having abusive parents and seemingly no support network. Imagining these sorts of scenarios in an extremely detailed way is consistent with the experiences of people with maladaptive daydreaming.
While what you're experiencing may be hard to manage on your own, there are a few things you can consider trying. This resource recommends getting adequate sleep and sunlight, as well as potentially documenting your symptoms to better understand your triggers and experiences. It also suggests to make sure to maintain your social life and confide in trusted friends about what you're going through, as developing a support network this way can help.
Although it's understandable why you may feel discouraged or reluctant to seek the guidance of a mental health professional considering that your previous therapist is the subject of these mental conversations, a therapist could provide needed support and help you work towards developing healthier habits and coping mechanisms. It's ultimately best to get the opinion of a professional.
If anyone has any suggestions or comments, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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joeyclaire · 2 years
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This is a form letter to caution you that you may be too parasocially invested in Nicholas Braun. The way in which you parasocially (hate/love) aforementioned white actor is kinda a weird hang. Bear in mind there are totally valid criticisms of Braun! There are serious problems with his (roles/social media presence/general insanity), but discussion of those should be grounded in reality and strive to be evenhanded. Your (defense/criticism/bewildering shifting between defense and criticism) of Braun seems to not be in good faith. This isn't meant to attack you as a person. Parasocial over-investment happens to everyone, and has detrimental psychological and behavioral effects that are predictable and normal. The only thing that would be wrong of you to do is to ignore the symptoms. So, in the meantime, please log out, enjoy a refreshing (glass of juice/plate of ants on a log/touch grass) and reconsider your relationship with famous actors. It's best for them and for you if that relationship changes.
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theaceofmanyhearts · 11 months
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The Inherent Autistic Nature of The Batman
The concept of “The Hero” has existed for millenia in all different cultures and methods of storytelling, but in today’s society, it has superheroes like those in Marvel’s highly successful cinematic universe that have captured the people’s attention in order to see a person prevail over even the most difficult obstacles that life could create. DC, another popular comic company and publisher, has many strong characters that garner favor from their audience with one of the most popular being The Batman, billionaire Bruce Wayne. There have been many iterations of Batman throughout comics, cartoons, Hollywood action films, and more. However, through these different mediums and portrayals of the character, a common theme of many autistic traits are found within Bruce Wayne and his existence as a hero. This stems not only from the trauma he faced as a young child and the resulting mental health issues caused by that event, but in his personality, his struggles with relationships, his interests, and the very creation of his alter ego as The Batman in the first place. The authour, as someone who has not read many of the DC comics, will demonstrate how these different aspects of the comicbook hero combine to create a character that can easily be read as autistic or otherwise neurodivergent by the audience through the movies and cartoons scene and fan written works that include and study this character.
In most stories of Batman, Bruce Wayne creates this vigilante alterego during his twenties to fight crime in the city of Gotham, New Jersey using the funds he has as an old money billionaire in the United States because he witnessed the murder of his parents when he was eight years old during a robbery gone wrong. Trauma, especially that which happens at a young age, leaves a lasting impression on the psyche and so it stands to reason that Bruce Wayne would have experienced mental health issues after he was, in one night, violently turned into an orphan at the loss of his loving parents. Such mental illnesses he likely would have faced are depression, anxiety and other panic disorders, PTSD, as well as others that deal with grief and loss combined with needing control and issues of trust. He also likely would have faced issues creating and maintaining relationships because the most inherent and fundamental connection he had, that of a parent to a child, was ripped away from him unexpectedly. His issues with relationships would have likely come from any possible isolation Wayne created for himself due to the trauma and ensuing mental illnesses he suffered. While these mental health issues do not make Bruce Wayne autistic, there are many links to the symptoms of different mental illnesses to the manners in which autistc people act added to the proclivity of autistic people to suffer mental health problems due to the altered manner in which they experience and process stimulants in the world.
In many fan created pieces, the authors analyze Bruce Wayne and find that he is more true as Batman than he is as himself and so never lets go of the mask. While comicbook heroes are known to wear masks to hide their identities by simply covering their faces, autistic people use the act of masking to try and maintain the appropriate actions and customs of the neurotypical or allistic society. They pretend to not be autistic in situations and so act as a different person. This act can be seen used by Batman in the different masks he creates for himself. Bruce Wayne, the true person underneath, has created at least two personalities or identities for himself. For everyday life, there is “Brucie Wayne” the ditzy billionaire who laughs off everything and anything because that is what is expected from him from both other members of high society and the rest of the population who view rich people in certain ways due to parasocial relationships. “The Batman” is also a manner of masking used by Wayne not only be being a crime-fighting alter ego, but also because Batman is allowed, but also expected, to act very differently from Brucie or Bruce Wayne. Batman is allowed to be sullen, quiet but intelligent, and able to use different fighting abilities in order to pursue his interest of fighting crime, as will be discussed more later. The author does recognize that Batman is less of a masking technique in a way because the hero is not expected to make friends or act polite in company but instead allowed to show more of the natural mannerisms of an autistic person however, The Batman must also be a form of masking because he has a reputation of being the “World’s Best Detective” and a very terrifying vigilante. In character studies by different authors, it seems like Bruce Wayne, the real person, is a very quiet and intelligent man who relies on his interests and the masking he does because he is not comfortable showing his true self to the world when really he is still that grieving child that lost his parents.
Having both a secret identity and the early trauma, Bruce Wayne is often shown to have issues creating or maintaining relationships with other people. While he does raise many children, both in general and in the crime fighting lifestyle, it is seen in many comics and storylines that those father and child relationships are often fraught with issues caused by lack of proper communication or other problems that oft seem to lie with Bruce and his words and actions, or lack thereof. Batman is also a member of the Justice League, a worldwide group of heroes that band together to fight larger threats than everyday crime, but he does not often share his true identity with the team nor does he communicate his plans or thoughts with the other members in many different versions of his character. The reason this is considered an autistic trait of Wayne’s is because autistic people in real life have issues with relationships either due to their own personal needs being considered different to normal society and the differences that exist in allistic versus autistic communication, espectially in those autists who are selectively mute or nonverbal, whether that is all the time or simply during specific episodes. This makes it very difficult to understand the allistic people around them or to be understood by the allistic people because it is unknown the best way to communicate and so it is hard to correctly place a level of closeness with that person or to maintain the correct relationship or closeness with them at all times. Batman is considered to be selectively mute by the author because many times he simply does not speak, like when he does not communicate his plans to other heroes, or simply hums and grunts instead of using full words or sentences. In the 2022 film The Batman, Robert Pattinson, who plays Bruce Wayne, often does not respond directly to remarks made to him both as Wayne in daily life or to officers at crime scenes when he is Batman. The hero also is known to frequently leave Police Commissioner Jim Gordon before the man can finish the debrief because, to Batman, he already has all the needed information and so there is no point in continuing the conversation no matter how rude it is considered by Gordon. It is also likely that Wayne would have different scripts for any interactions he might have as either Batman or Brucie Wayne in order to maintain the identity he currently inhabits which is a common trait amongst autistic people in order to better mask and communicate in everyday society.
When it comes to neurodivergent people, they are often known to have “special interests” or hyperfocuses that take up a majority of their time and attention. Obviously, for Bruce Wayne, vigilantism as Batman is a hyperfocus because it has become almost his true self in many iterations of the character. Some other special interests that could be considered are his specialty in detective work, martial arts, languages, different sciences, and likely many more. While these are linked to his needs for crime fighting, they are also interests that he has cultivated and become very focused on to the point where he is considered the best in many of those fields, at least within the superhero or “caped” community. He, as a billionaire, has very easy access to study these interests as they come up but still it matches with the neurodivergent process of becoming focused on some media, skill, or other stimulus to take up quite a bit of their attention.
In most iterations of Batman, Bruce Wayne dawned his cowl to ensure that no other person would experience the pain he did when he was only eight years old. He decided to take matters into his own hands and become a vigilante because he did not see a way to place faith in the legal system when the legal system did not save him from being orphaned all of those years ago. This is also often the reason given for why he takes in Dick Grayson, the first Robin and often the first child hero in many DC comic runs, after the boy’s parents fall to their deaths during their circus act after a protection racket tampers with their equipment. While this may seem to simply link to Wayne’s personal trauma and his own selflessness to try and protect the people of Gotham, it can also be linked to another autistic trait. Many people with autism have a very rigid sense of justice or right and wrong which leads to a very specific moral code. Batman has an incredibly strict moral code in that he fights crime as a vigilante, which in itself is a crime, but refuses to kill or go any further beyond the legal system than his vigilantism. This often causes issues in his relationships because other vigilantes do not see issue with being “Judge, Jury, and Executioner.” Examples include members of the Justice League, such as Wonder Woman, and Red Hood, Bruce Wayne’s second son and the second robin, who began killing when he returned from the dead after being killed by the Joker, one of Batman’s villains.
In all, while most writers most likely do not attempt to make Batman or Bruce Wayne an autistic or autistic seeming character, many of the traits he is given do match with those of autistic people in real life. It gives a sort of deeper introspection of the character and how exactly the events in human life can affect a person, but it also brings to question how fictional characters are perceived for these characteristics versus the real people who exhibit the same within our communities. People look up to heroes because their stories usually end in victory which is attractive to the public who exist as living beings that often do not succeed or feel failure in their lives. Whether Batman was intended to represent these autistic traits or not, it is impossible to reject the idea that he does embody them and exists as a revered hero at the same time.
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thespoonisvictory · 2 years
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Oh have you also seen that critblr or whatever blog that was posting in the main tag? I was fuckin horrified reading some of that shit on accident howd they even come up with it???
the wilbur crit blog phenomenon of just making shit up and running with it is a symptom of when a streamer won't parasocialize or publicize every one of their relationships and is thus condemned as a little freak or smth idk
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weabooweedwitch · 10 months
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I feel weird as fuck commenting on your situation in any capacity because I'm just an online rando who doesn't know you personally or the details of your issues w/ your mom beyond what you post and it all just feels a lil too parasocial but even though alleged therapist anon raises some (potentially?) good points about your relationship w/ her and maybe overall emotional issues I don't think you should beat yourself up too hard. It's normal for trauma survivors such as yourself to have some unhealthy and toxic interpersonal habits (slightly side-eyeing alleged therapist for not at least acknowledging this instead of just going in on you). You're not perfect, your mom is not perfect, it's okay we're all imperfect beings on this planet we call earth. Whether or not you're a covert narcissist (not gonna lie I had to google that one lmao) is between you and a personal, ahem, real therapist. Maybe you have some emotional dysregulation issues okay so what? Those can be improved!
Fun story about this online rando I was actually diagnosed with moderate to severe BPD at age 18. It turns out this was kind of a misdiagnosis in the first place, but my symptomatology (namely RSD from neurodiversity) very closely mimicked that of BPD and I had a lot of emotional problems perhaps similar to your own. You mentioned doing a round of DBT when you were a teenager and not finding success, but according to my actual real therapist and personal experiences it's very common for DBT to need multiple rounds before the skills fully sink in. It's also way better doing DBT as a fully formed adult than a teenager who frankly, probably doesn't take their mental health nearly as seriously as they should lmao (this crazy girl shit gets less and less cute with age I'm telling you). I'm now 23 and after 3 rounds of DBT I'm told I don't meet the criteria for borderline personality at all and haven't for a while now. Unfortunately there is a lot of stigma around this disorder (I noticed therapist anon throwing the word 'manipulative' around a bit), but that doesn't mean it's actually true. In many ways BPD is the modern day hysteria, but I won't go down that rabbit hole, just don't pay attention to what ignorant and oftentimes lowkey misogynistic people have to say online about BPD or other mental disorder! They are stupid armchair diagnoses who 99% of the time don't know wtf they're even talking about. You are loveable and worthy of life <3
I slept after work and i have a few asks now so, I'm gonna start this discussion again but since I uh, can get overwhelmed and over emotional I might eventually disappear from answering if u need to step back, but, anyways
One thing I have to be careful about is automatically leaning into "oh maybe they aren't even a real therapist" and I even got an ask suggesting this was one of those bitch lasagna people who were trying to actively make me miserable, which, I don't think is the case, but I also have to be careful automatically discrediting or lashing out emotionally at criticism because, well, a big problem I've always had is not being able to trust my own judgment and needing feedback from other people, stemming I assume from self loathing and anxiety stuff and I technically already am diagnosed with dependent personality disorder which, lack of self trust is a symptom of that (I'm sure I've mentioned that but maybe not?). One reason i began venting online when i was younger was because I would often have these sorts of incidents with my mother and I would use my blogs as the equivalent of an "am I the asshole" forum. I try to have a discussion and hearing other people's perspectives is good, and, a big issue I've struggled with is my mom immediately trying to get personal or discredit other people when they try to criticize her. Like, this isn't me going "see, my therapist thinks she's a stupid bitch" I mean when i was a minor she would literally go from absolutely loving a therapist and thinking they're extremely talented and caring and then when I got mad and repeated things like "hey you know, this is a licensed medical professional saying that a big component of our mother daughter dynamic is that you will literally wear me down to do what you want and you make it extremely difficult for me to set boundaries" and she has, literally, gone "they shouldn't be talking to you about me like that, I'm your parent, oh they just believe you because they've only listened to you, not me"
Well. I had multiple therapy sessions where, sometimes the topic would be dealing with my sister, or because I often feel like I struggle to bring up everything from not remembering, there WERE multiple times she would come into a session with me just to add on behaviors she's seen in me and things we've dealt with with my sister, and I had therapists tell me "yeah let's not have your mom come in here, she kept actually venting about her own issues and she was literally taking over your session and she was actually talking over you"
And im not, saying that to "prove" my mom is shitty or to say "oh look see, im justified" but like. My anger has built up over time? This didn't just magically start happening?
Yeah I need to stop blowing up over smaller things but also at the same time, I think I have a right to be frustrated when I'm seeing the same mistakes over and over, at least the ones that can financially damaging? I'm still SHOCKED she just stopped randomly paying the garage because. The remote isn't working and we have to use the keypad and I think some of the keypad buttons are loosening so sometimes you have to stand there and try it a few times because sometimes it won't close, it'll "untouch" a button you're still holding down and start opening again. And her response to that was "oh they weren't getting back to my emails so I just stopped paying rent" like. She. She literally dug us a hole worth hundreds of dollars for.... feeling entitled to help and getting mad over not getting it? She's been doing these sorts of behaviors for years? (Rm for post length)
Like gee I wonder what would happen if she pulled that shit with our landlord. "Oh, im gonna stop paying rent because the exhaust fan in the bathroom doesn't work" like no???? Why is she doing these things???? I was literally raised in poverty, why is she still doing this after we've had a literal lifetime of hardships???? Like gee thanks for not paying rent when you had solid income and now you're unemployed with hundreds of dollars due, that definitely helps, thanks, that's so much better, what a wise decision 🙄 and I call her out on it and she like, she literally sees nothing wrong with what she did? Because they didn't immediately cater to her, she stopped paying rent in protest, and that's Their fault. Like. That's fucking delusional. What if the property management tells our landlord we aren't paying for the garage and we get evicted??? Like it feels like she doesn't even realize the consequences???
Anyways back to what you actually said, fjfjfjf I rambled there, one thing I've noticed about DBT from the few times I was inpatient and outpatient is. You really do have to be in the right headspace for it to even work. It's so weird because certain things they would talk about and I would go "yeah well obviously, thats common sense" and other things would, kine of create an epiphany. Like for example, a phrase I try to keep with me is "its a process not an event" which basically means "don't get frustrated at immediate growth or results, things can take time" and this can apply to therapy, medication, really you can apply it to anything, but for me personally often when I am not seeing direct or immediate results, I feel like a failure and might give up way too soon, or beat myself up when I Am showing progress, just slowly.
Another DBT mindfulness technique I actually need to practice more (and tbh this could be an adhd thing, bc, I've always had focusing issues and I've read adhd can actually cause emotional regulation issues as well) is, like. When someone is speaking to you, don't be sitting there thinking of your reply, like, literally sitting there waiting for the second they stop speaking to say what you want, because then you're not thinking about and absorbing what the other person is saying. Although in my case often times I find myself doing that because I'm afraid I'll forget what I was gonna say, and my mom could also use a little work in this department
I definitely do think it's time for me to be reassessed though. I feel like now that I'm older and can better articulate my thoughts and memories and how things affect my relationships and ability to function, it can, I dunno, yield more results? Like something I heard constantly as a kid was "oh you have depression and anxiety and a lot of things overlap, let's treat those and see what symptoms are left" and its like homie that's kind of such a bad cop out sometimes, I feel like doctors adopting that mindset in my case really missed some important stuff. Like shit it feels weird to say since the trauma that caused it isn't recent, but I still display PTSD symptoms just in the sense that I'm jumpier and hypervigilant, like if there's an unexpected noise I still physically jump, I get startled easier, just the constant like, urge and need to look towards sounds or survey my surroundings which, I recognize my brain is literally going "hey, keep a look out for DANGER"
Regardless like, me being able to have these discussions with other people, positive or negative, is ultimately for my own benefit. Because this really is a sort of thing I can't do on my own. This IS a thing you take other people's feedbacks and perspectives on. But Jesus like. I'm not saying anyone has to hold my hand but that really felt so personally aggressive and it sent me onto a really horrible mental space. You know sometimes people insult themselves and belittle themselves because they think they're a lowly little worm and they just, they just hate themselves bro, like, it isn't always some inherent attempt to manipulate or demand pity and comfort. I've actually overnormalized saying horrible shit about myself and joking about suicide to the point I say it just, really easily, it comes naturally to me now, and that's definitely another habit I have to break
There's definitely stuff wrong with me, it's just a matter of finding out exactly what and, working towards treating that. It's just, unfortunately going to take some time and I need to make sure I keep my head on straight and don't do anything drastic in a fit of helplessness and despair or anything 😅
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fairycosmos · 1 year
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we'll never meet we don't even know each other but i'm in love with you, nothing is real nothing even matters but that's a truth
i love that you enjoy my posts and what can be gleaned of my personality enough to say smth so utterly sweet but i prommy it's an illusion/just a symptom of parasocial online relationships however i do wish we had the chance to connect and be friends and chat IRL. it's not fair!! thank you very much for being kind angel <3 i really don't have much going on in person tbh so it's all good
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