#and Yata tells Fushimi that he understands now that Fushimi only did what Mikoto wanted and he doesn't deserve that blame

[ridiasfangirlings]

Rat Yata and Rat Fushimi are besties but it ended when Yata decided to join a human gang cause he thought they were cool. Fushimi doesn't see the appeal of humans and is angry that Yata ditched him for them. Fushimi then joins the human police force so he could get back at the gang and Yata. Stuff happens and they became friends in the end. Fushimi also realized it's not so bad being around humans who are as smart as him.

….So are they like mutant rats or talking rats? Or is this some kind of Ratatouille situation? I have questions. Maybe like some kind Rats of NIMH situation where Yata and Fushimi are smarter than normal rats (though not a lot smarter, in Yata’s case) and they can even speak, they just don’t do it normally where humans can see. Fushimi doesn’t trust humans because they only experiment on you and try to kill you, and he does his best to keep Yata away from them. The two of them live in their little sewer home, which is surprisingly clean because Fushimi’s a super fastidious rat and won’t live anywhere messy (but he also doesn’t like to clean so Yata does all that). Yata though is intrigued by humans and always wants to watch them, he knows the guys who experimented on them were bad but there have to be some good humans somewhere right.

One day Yata is out on his own and gets in trouble, like some of the scientists from the lab SLATE that he and Fushimi escaped from find him and try to catch him. Totsuka happens to be walking nearby and sees this poor little ginger rat running and hiding and feels bad, picking Yata up. Mikoto comes up to join him all ‘what’s with the rat’ just as the scientists come around the corner and demand to have the rat. Mikoto doesn’t do well with being threatened and makes quick work of the guys, sending them running. Yata can’t stop himself from yelling ‘that was so cool!’ and Totsuka is like did my rat just talk.

Homra takes this surprisingly well though, like yeah Yata’s a rat but he’s kind of a cool little dude. Yata knows that Fushimi wouldn’t approve so he’s like seeing Homra in secret and ends up helping them. Like say Homra still gets caught up in helping Anna who is also dealing with scientists due to her clairvoyance powers and Yata feels a kinship so he assists, like chewing through the alarm wires and stuff. Yata is made an official member of the gang and he’s so proud, deciding that see humans really are fine and Saruhiko will have to understand now. He tells Fushimi about Homra and this basically goes as well as you’d expect, with Fushimi angrily breaking things off. In the aftermath Fushimi is wandering alone on the streets when he decides to steal some food, making this whole clever plan to break into a nearby store. As he’s leaving with the food he runs into a bespectacled policeman who was watching him the whole time, glasses shining as the man gives an intrigued ‘oya.’

So now Fushimi is like an unofficial policeman (oh oh do you think Munakata would buy him a little uniform) and he and Yata end up clashing due to Homra’s less than legal activities. Fushimi claims he doesn’t care about these humans, they’re just means to an end, and Yata’s all upset that Fushimi keeps trying to be his enemy. Say eventually they all have some issue with the secret lab SLATE that’s been trying to like create superpowered individuals and Homra and the police work together to stop them, in the process Yata and Fushimi are finally able to settle their differences and become friends again. Fushimi grudgingly admits that some humans are okay and maybe he doesn’t mind so much being around ones with sense (by this of course he means Awashima and like Akiyama and Benzai, Munakata is still his annoying boss who keeps trying to pet him all the time and buy him cute rat enrichment toys). Yata realizes that even if he and Fushimi are on opposite sides they can still be together, there will always be a place just for the two of them as partners. 

#sarumi #Talking K #I'm just saying I have questions #imagine Fushimi in his tiny uniform #I bet Munakata gets him a little cage and lots of enrichment toys #do you think Kusanagi would allow rat Yata into the bar or is that unsanitary

[x0401x]

Gakuen K Drama CD: Evacuation Drills – Case of Second Year Class E

Raw version here. Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. Warning: this drama has an elaborate punchline that simply cannot be properly adapted to English, so please see the end of the post for clarification.

Misaki: Gakuen K ~Wonderful School Days~ V Edition – Bonus Drama CD. Evacuation Drills – Case of Second Year Class 1.

Misaki: This is bad! I’m really late! Dammit! That woman! Crouching down in the middle of the road! *pants* I was sure she was feeling unwell, and while I was at loss on whether I should talk to her or not, ten minutes went by! In the end, it seems she was just waiting for someone! AH!! Isn’t it already time for homeroom to start?! *pants* At least I gotta make it in time for the last hour! *pants*

Kuro: Fushimi. If I’m correct, you were a member of the Committee, right?

Saruhiko: Ahn? That’s right.

Kuro: About the homeroom of just now, I have something to ask about the evacuation drills that Anna-sensei mentioned. If you’re a Committee member, you also work during the evacuation drills, right?

Saruhiko: Ah, what is it... that you want to ask?

Kuro: It’s my first evacuation drill in this academy. I want you to tell me about the evacuation system. Do you use the outer stairs? The inner ones? And also—

Misaki: D’AAAAAH!! *pants* Looks like I made it to the last hour somehow! Haaah! So hooot! *pants*

Kuro: Yata. It seems Anna-sensei thought you were absent without authorization and took note of it on her account book.

Misaki: Ah... S-Seriously?! It couldn’t be that she... gave me additional homework or something, right?

Kuro: If you’re curious, you can just ask. *sigh* Well, anyways. About the homeroom, it seems the two hours of PE were changed from soccer to indoor ping-pong, so beware.

Misaki: HAAH?? “Ping-pong”?! I came here looking forward to soccer and it’ll be ping-pong?! Out of all things, that tiny-ass game won’t be nearly enough!!

Kuro: And after that, we’ll have evacuation drills in the afternoo—

Misaki: It’s impossible that they’ve cancelled soccer!! What have I even come for today!? If it’s for something like this, it would have been better if I’d come super late and headed straight to the club room!

Saruhiko: How about you try studying a little? Well... for an idiot who only has a brain to move his body around, earnestly paying attention to class would serve as nothing but a lullaby, though.

Misaki: What did you say?!

Saruhiko: Hah! It’s the truth, right? I’ve never seen you awake and seriously listening to any lesson, after all. *gasp* Ah, I see...! It’s because, with that head of yours, you can’t understand classes even if you stay awake. If so, then it might be the right choice to use them as sleep time.

Misaki: Saru! You’re always, always talking so sarcastically... I’m not asleep all the time. I’m simply focusing on the lessons with my eyelids closed!

Saruhiko: Heeeh?

Misaki: WHAT’S WITH THAT SMIRK!?

Kuro: So it’s begun? I’ve got no choice. I’ll ask someone else about the evacuation drill.

Misaki: The meat and yakisoba bread I had for lunch was delicious... but... the gyuudon bread also looked tasty... Guess I’ll have that for tomorrow. Haah... the sunlight is warm on my back... so nice~... *snores*

[Alarm sounds]

Misaki: W-What?? A-A FIRE?!

Kuro: It’s started, huh? The hypothetical source is... the science room?

Misaki: W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-What do we do!? That’s right! At times like this, if I’m not wrong, we’re supposed to follow the O-Ka-Shi-Mo! Huh? “O-Ka-Shi-Mo”? What was O-Ka-Shi-Mo supposed to mean?!? If... you’re a man, you gotta gather up even the guys you don’t know or have never talked to and save everyone! I’m certain that was what it stood for. But there’s no one I don’t know. The people her are all my classmates. I gotta protect everyone! Wait, those guys...! HEY, YOOOU!! STUPID BASTARDS! What’re you messing around for?! Do you get what kinda situation we’re in right now?! There’s a lot of people that would be sad if you died! You have family and friends that are precious to you, right?! You okay with making them cry?! There’s no way you are, right?! Protecting yourselves is the same as protecting them! Got that?! If you did, all of you, line up!

Saruhiko: *chuckles* That guy... is a true idiot.

Kuro: To think Yata would be so serious about the training... he has a wonderful form of thinking. From his usual attitude and behavior, I had thought he was but an unsteady guy... so this side of him existed?

Misaki: Alright! Everyone’s properly lined up! You’d better close your mouths! It’d be awful if you breathed smoke. HEY! You over there! Didn’t you hear me saying to close your mouth? What? You forgot your handkerchief? No choice, then. Use mine! I’m fine! It’s frustrating, but just as Saru says, my body’s resistance is my only valuable asset. Then, we’re leaving! I’ll take all of you to a safe place!

Okay, it seems the fire hasn’t spread much yet... If I’m not wrong, they said the source was... the science room, right? Let’s avoid it and head to the ground floor! But, man, it’s hot. So the temperature is rising because of the fire?

Saruhiko: Keh. “The temperature is rising because of the fire”? It’s just your brain making that up.

Misaki: Hey, Kamamoto! Why have you been looking at me with wet eyes since earlier? Ah? You didn’t know I had this much talent for leadership? It’s obvious that the next captain of the Red Club will be me? Stupid!! It’s not time to be talking about something like that! Damn! What an imprudent bastard... and you, Saru! What’re you grinning all alone for?! Could it be... you’re excited about the sudden fire?

Saruhiko: Nooope, nope. Don’t mind me and just move on... Leader-san.

Misaki: You...!

Kuro: Stop, Yata.

Misaki: Grrr...!

Kuro: So you were that heated? In these circumstances, we must follow the O-Ka-Shi-Mo, and act orderly until the end.

Misaki: That’s right... if it were the usual, I’d have hit him, but... this is an emergency. If you’re a man, you gotta gather up even the guys you don’t know or have never talked to and save everyone! Even if it’s someone you dislike, that doesn’t count as reason to abandon them.

Kuro: Yeah. That’s a great thinking.

Saruhiko: Hmph.

Misaki: *pants* We’ve finally arrived at the ground floor... everyone’s okay, right? No one got separated, right?

Kuro: It’s fine. Everyone’s assembled.

Misaki: Is that so? That’s good! But... the other classes are late... we’re still the only ones that have come here? Mikoto-san... Totsuka-san... they didn’t get caught in the fire, right?

Saruhiko: If the fire’s outbreak was from the science room, those people must have gotten caught up in the evacuation after the classroom assembled.

Misaki: That’s right... Totsuka-san kinda has some bad luck, and Mikoto-san naps a lot, so he might notice the fire too late... AGH!! I’m really worried! I’ll take a look at the situation right now—

Kuro: You can’t. “No pushing, sitting around, talking or going back”. These are the ironclad rules of evacuations, right?

Misaki: Aah...?

Kuro: You’ve managed to act so promptly that you could be the number one in the academy and evacuated all of us. What will you gain from breaking the regulations at the very last second?

Misaki: Yatogami... you’re a pretty heartless fellow. “No pushing, sitting around, talking or going back”? I don’t know any of those “ironclad rules”! During evacuations, we should follow the O-Ka-Shi-Mo, right?! There are times when a man has to do this!

Kuro: Hm? What are you saying? What I’m talking about is precisely the O-Ka-Shi-Mo...

Saruhiko: Pipe down, Misaki. If it’s Mikoto-san and Totsuka-san, they should be fine. You know better than anyone... that they don’t have the spirit of people... who would be taken down by a mere fire, right?

Misaki: Saru... you... have said something nice for the first time since you were born!

Saruhiko: Tsk...!

Misaki: That’s right! There’s no way those people would be doomed by something like this! My bad, Yatogami! I called you “heartless”...!

Kuro: No... I must apologize as well. It seems I have misunderstood you until now. From your normal behavior, I had thought you were a bit of a careless one. I had thought you were the reckless kind who did not know words such as “punctuality” or “solemnity”. However... I have learned today that this was my misinterpretation. You are... earnest to this extent, and had such an authoritarian side to you. I’m sorry for having looked at you so leniently.

Misaki: Ah, stop~! Being told things like these makes my back feel itchy.

Kuro: No... I honestly didn’t think you’d go through with the evacuation drill seriously.

Misaki: For real, nothing will come out of you saying th... “drill”?

Saruhiko: HAH! Have you fiiinally realized it, Misakiii?! Hah! You thinking that the fire was real and being all anxious was a feast to the eyes! Saying the temperature seemed to be rising because of a fire that wasn’t even happening... you really are an idiot, huh?

Misaki: T... Then... just now, you purposefully...?!

Saruhiko: Aah, me saying that “if it’s Mikoto-san and Totsuka-san, they should be fine”? It’s obvious they are fine. Rather... I’d like you to tell me how they could be burned by a non-existent fire.

Misaki: *sharp inhale* You... bastard...!

Kuro: Could it be... you thought the evacuation drill was a real fire? Even if it’s Yata, no one would make such a foolish mistake, right?

Saruhiko: So, how is it, “earnest and authoritarian” Misaki~?

Misaki: I... I... HATE EVACUATION DRILLS!!!

T/N: About the “O-Ka-Shi-Mo”....

I guess most of you guys know that Japanese alphabets don’t consist of letters but of syllabes. “O-Ka-Shi-Mo” are the syllabic initials of the rules Kuro cited as essential to evacuation drills; a shortened version of the phrase meant to make it easy to remember.

Its original meaning is “Osanai, Kakenai, Shaberanai, Modoranai” (no pushing, sitting around, talking or going back). But Misaki completely forgot about that and made up a new one based on his own reasoning, which was “Otoko nara, Kankeinai yatsu, Shabeta koto no nai yatsu zeiin Motomete tasukedasu” (If you’re a man, you gotta gather up even the guys you don’t know or have never talked to and save everyone). Because of course he would.

There’s literally no way to make a coherent adaptation out of this that wouldn’t twist the meaning of either Misaki’s or Kuro’s words, and that makes me so mad, lol.

#k project #gakuen k #fushimi saruhiko #yata misaki #yatogami kurou #k #drama cd #gohands #gora #my translation

[sonneka]

Oh sorry, my bad... I was talking about the hurt/confort dialog meme...

Don’t worry!!!! ♥ Here it is :3

5. “You’re burning up.”

As soon as Yata places hishand on his forehead, Fushimi realizes there is no way out from that situation.

“Seriously, Saru. You—”

“I’ve got fever, Iknow…” he sits up on his bed, brushing away Yata’s hand. His best frienddoesn’t stop looking concerned but Fushimi only wants the world to end. “Ijust have to rest, nothing to be worried about.”

“Could it have been…W-When did you start feeling like this?”

Silence. It’s all prettyobvious actually, but it’s also too much to ask for Yata to notice.

Yesterday it was theirinitiation for Homra. Which even though it can sound exciting for someone likeYata, Fushimi’s side of the story was still kind of painful to remember.

The thing was that they hadto shake hands with the Red King, Mikoto Suoh. Fushimi remembers clearly how heextended both hands towards them and they were on fire.

They’d been warned aboutthat, so it shouldn’t have felt that surprising. However, Fushimi couldn’t keepcalm during that moment. Fire wasn’t something he enjoyed, and it still isn’t.

Even so, Yata was enjoyingthe moment and didn’t seem to be afraid whatsoever. Fushimi had no choice, hehad to do it because Yata was happy and that should mean everything would turnout for best, didn’t it?

And like that, Fushimi fakedconfidence and grabbed the King’s hand alongside Yata’s.

If the redhead had felt likeburning or sick during the initiation, he would have probably ran away and evencried like a little baby, so it really impressed Fushimi when it didn’t turnout like that at all.

In fact, Yata was happilyshowing his new Homra mark to everyone, while Fushimi felt like his blood wereboiling within his veins and his head was spinning like he were about to sink.

What did go wrong?

There are just two clear factsabout the initiation: Or you proudly are alive after it, without any hint pain…

Or you die incinerated.

Fushimi can’t understand whyhe didn’t fit in any option, what’s wrong with him?

It was so weird that hedecided to let it aside. After all, he is still alive…

What he certainly wasn’texpecting, although it should have been kind of obvious, it was being sick.

He decided to stay in bed,just resting. The best he thought he could do was not to make anyone know abouthis condition. How much of pathetic he has to be to have fever after theinitiation?

Is he really that weak?

“Hey, idiot! I’m talking toyou!” Yata snaps him out of his thoughts. Fushimi just shakes his head and rubshis eyes with the back of the hand. Oh, right, since he have been resting hedoesn’t have his glasses on.

“I feel awful, Misaki. Youshould stop screaming for once…” not even caring about Yata still seated nextto him on the bed, Fushimi goes back to his attempt of sleeping.

“Okay, I’m sorry…” at leasthe lowers his voice, “I just… I was wondering if you feel this bad since… you know.”

Fushimi groans and turnsaround so Yata can’t see his face, clearly not wanting to answer that question.However… “I woke up this morning feeling like this, end of the story.”

“But…”

“That’s it.” No moreexplanations.

And he can actually feel hismuscles relaxing when Yata sighs, giving up on him, and stands up. He mutterssomething Fushimi doesn’t reach to hear and then the apartment door opens andcloses, leaving the sick boy alone in the place.

He has to admit that hedoesn’t like that outcome at all. Where is the Yata that always looks out forhim? Is he really gone?

At one point Fushimi feelsfree but, in the other hand, he kind of wanted Yata to insist a little bitmore.

Just, that… As he has always done.

Utterly disappointed, Fushimishut his eyes in an attempt to sleep and forget about the throbbing pain in hishead and the weakness he feels throughout his body.

He is all alone, so he has nothingto be worried about…

Until he hears the entrancedoor opening up again. “Hey, Saru… Are you sleeping?” It is even kind ofhilarious how Yata started with a shout and ended up whispering, realizing thatmaybe his best friend is really sleeping.

Even though Fushimi firstthinks it’s a good idea to ignore the redhead’s voice, it’s just impossible forhim.

He twitches a little bit andbefore he could even start opening his languid eyes, he feels some kind ofcloth cold and wet over his forehead. “W-What?” his voice cracks a little bit,he doesn’t even have the energy to think about what’s happening by himself.

“’What’? I’m just trying tohelp you, dumbass…” so Fushimi certainly has a towel on his forehead and Yata’shand is trying to place it properly. “I went to Homra because I thought thatmaybe someone there had painkillers or something—”

“You’re such an idiot,they’re gangsters and you go to ask them for medicine?” although he isn’tfeeling like asking any questions, he just can’t ignore Yata’s stupidity.

“Y-Yeah… Some of them seemedconfused,” he rubs at the back of his neck while chuckling. “But, at least,Totsuka-san made the situation less shameful, you know? And so I told him thatyou—“

“You told him what?” Insteadof acting like he still wants the world to end, he should tbe happy that,following Yata’s story, only Totsuka knows about his condition. “You know what?Nevermind…”

“Okay…”

However, there’s stillsomething wandering inside his mind, and it has to do with the little amount oftime between Yata leaving the apartment and coming back.

For Fushimi, it felt likehe’d been alone for just five seconds. Maybe he actually ended up fallingasleep without noticing, or maybe Yata went pretty quickly to the bar.

He prefers to think it wasthe last option.

100 points…

Or 0…

This time he prefers doubting,not sure if knowing the answer to his questions will be for best or for worse.In the end, he likes thinking Yata really cares about him and went that fasttowards Homra.

“Take this.” Yata offers hima glass of water and the painkiller. “And you should take a cold shower too…”

“I get it…” Fushimi sighs andmaking a really big effort he manages to sit on the bed again to drink the damnmedicine. His best friend is seated just in front of him, still lookingconcerned. “What?” he asks after swallowing, his voice sounding hoarse.

“Nothing really,” Yata looksaway, Fushimi can tell he feels nervous. “It’s been a while since the last timeyou felt sick, you know? That’s weird.”

“Yeah…” It’s not that weird, actually…

“Do you want to eatsomething? I-I can cook anything you like!” Yata regains his usual cherish selfpretty fast.

“Not hungry…” he’d like to beright now. In fact, it can be a good chance to eat something prepared by Yatawithout vegetables in it! But he just can’t, his stomach is completely shut.

“Then…” Yata suddenly getsoff the bed and violently moves all the sheets in the process. “Let’s play somevideogames!”

He seems really excited. Somuch that he prepares the little TV they own and places it near the bed asfastest as he can. Fushimi doesn’t have any choice and he ends up sitting  in a way that he can comfy watch what’s on theTV screen. It didn’t take long for Yata to bring the two joysticks and evenchooses a game he knows Fushimi will enjoy.And he appreciates that so much,Yata will never know how.

Having a smiling Yata next tohim, cheering him up even though he’s feeling awful physically andemotionally…

What if he really doesn’tbelong to Homra? What if he just was lucky not to die but, actually, he shouldhave to?

However, he kind of forgetthose negative feelings when he sees that Yata is there with him, that both ofthem even share the same red mark now. Maybe it really means something, maybeit means that he must stay by Yata’s side even though he doesn’t quite belongwhere the other does.

Isn’t it safe staying withthe person he loves the most?

Fushimi doesn’t know muchabout happiness, he just know that he feels something when Yata’s there withhim. Everything’s so bright when he smiles and shows how happy he is, itactually lights Fushimi’s heart up.

So, although he is stillunsure about his fate with Homra, he knows that following a happy Yata willmake him happy too. He chooses not to tell him the true reason why he’s sick,he doesn’t want him to be concerned. Everything is getting better and betterfor them, they don’t need to ruin that precious small world they’ve built withso much effort.

Fushimi takes his controllerand starts playing against Yata. He wins, the redhead complains about it, andthey play over and over again…

It’s so typical of them, it’sso comforting.

Even though Fushimi is sickand isn’t the best company, Yata is there for him instead of leaving him behind.So he has to do the same as a return.

Fushimi senses Homra is notas good as the other thinks, but Yata is happy there.

If the person he loves ishappy…

He should be too, right?

#sarumi #k project #my fanfiction #homra sarumi is painful but i tried to make it happy and cute #just tried though lol

[its-love-u-asshole]

Shaking In My Skull [Ch. 6]

Pairing: Fushimi Saruhiko/Yata Misaki

Rating: T

Summary: Stuck on the plane between life and death, Saruhiko makes the decision to risk everything, forced to find faith in himself and the headstrong Yata Misaki as they both face unimaginable demons.

Ao3 Version 

Thanks @emeraldwxves for reading this over and helping out a ton with it while I was writing ahh ilu <3

Comments are always appreciated! Enjoy!

With approximately one hundred and five people dying every minute, having new arrivals was common. People perished easily, Munakata had come to realize, both the young and the old. He watched as the gates of heaven continuously opened, allowing people into the new, trouble free paradise. At one point he compared it to a kingdom, but it didn't do it enough justice. No kingdom he'd ever served was as vibrant.

There were angels, those with less authority, ushering the newly departed in, accommodating those in shock from having died suddenly or young. At the end of it all though, people welcomed the peaceful landscape, the endless possibilities, and lack of worries which life had been plagued with.

The portal to heaven closed in front of Mikoto, and Munakata nodded. Even with Fushimi and Yata carrying on with the Return, all aspects of the afterlife still had to be checked on every now and again.

In a way it was a break. The Return was a heavy thing to watch.

Hell was, however, usually a different story when checked up on.

Munakata looked away as the portal opened before him, the gnarled, twisted entrance creaking shut as the disgruntled cries and sounds of unrest faded away. People arrived in hell often too, but they were hardly ever afforded explanations or relief.

It was unforgiving, bleak. He couldn't understand why some honestly deserved to be there.

But alas...

Munakata had accepted the ways of the afterlife and his position long ago. Sorting people, disconnecting himself from them...was difficult. In his life, bonding, socializing, understanding others had been a big part of his personal philosophy. Here it wasn't the most intelligent way to go about things.

Souls were meant to go where they were meant to go. He could not question the ways of the universe, he could only do his best.

As he and Mikoto glanced down into the pool, two figures could be seen walking, hand and hand down a slick incline, the taller collapsing from the effort when they reached the bottom.

In that moment, so close yet still so far from the end, Munakata found himself hoping again. Hoping that hell wouldn't have two new arrivals anytime soon.

"Caves."

But yes, there were perhaps potentially worse things on the horizon.

Munakata blinked, looking to his partner for clarification. It wasn't exactly that he hadn't heard but...maybe if he asked again the answer would be different. "Pardon?"

"They're headin' to the caves," Mikoto mumbled, twirling the chain which sat around his neck in his hands, never taking his eyes off the pool below. It wasn't often Mikoto looked off put, but...there it was.

Munakata could've argued that there was no way of telling for sure that it was the caves, but as he saw the slick basalt rock beneath the two boys, his gut told him otherwise. Certain things were just common knowledge after so many centuries of watching the Return be done.

"Mm." It was all he could say at first. After all, Fushimi and Yata had only gone through two trials. Munakata sighed, trying to be logical. Yes it had been two trials, but they’d both been unusually grueling, back breaking trials. It was perhaps more than likely that the caves would come along now...

As dread began to fester, as did a ping of irritation. “It always feels too soon for him to interfere."

Munakata's eye twitched. Couldn't be helped, he hated when he lacked jurisdiction.

A grunt was the response he initially received, followed by a tense shrug. Care free or not, Mikoto had been uncharacteristically on edge through the entire ordeal. They both had, and they'd tried to help, but now..."Maybe there's somethin' else before that."

Munakata's body stiffened, and he kept his eyes trained on the figures in the pool as they took a rest. Not even the genuine display of affection could stop the ice running through him though.

"A trial in the caves has never happened before, Suoh."

A shrug. Munakata was really starting to hate that, even after five or six centuries of it. It communicated so much when it was from Mikoto, the one, lazy gesture. "Doesn't mean there couldn't be."

That was impossible to argue with, and Munakata cursed the fact. The Return was full of its surprises, but pulling out so many in one go...

He could only trust that the boys would make it. They'd already done so well as it was.

At least the thought itself made Munakata crack a small smile, eyes trained on the figures below as they looked ahead on the path, the ground becoming slick and dark.

They would manage.

Still, Munakata couldn't help from tapping his foot anxiously, sharing a last, knowing look with Mikoto as the next phase of the journey seemed to commence before them.

"Well regardless, anything that happens in there isn't in our hands anymore."

--

Saruhiko's legs had given out, and really, Yata's had too. Once the other had dropped to the floor, he hadn't been far behind, landing softly against the other.

Yata's hands twisted in the fabric of Saruhiko's shirt, pulling him in to chase any warmth he could get. It probably didn't matter much though, his body already seemed so used to the cold.

The land around them was barren, quiet apart from the occasional wind gust. It felt as if they'd traveled forever, but Yata didn't know. Curiously, he looked behind where they sat on the path, expecting to see a steep drop of cliff and expanse of land. But no, there was only a flat, desert like landscape. Everything they'd traveled up until that point was gone, like it had been erased.

Yata swallowed, no longer in awe or fearful of how the world he was in manipulated itself every which way. No, what was important was...

"Can you see anything ahead?" Yata spoke hesitantly, looking to the distance before them. He was breathing hard, his head spinning from what must've been a drop in altitude or...something. Yata had been pretty adventurous and outdoorsy when he was alive, so he'd figured he knew what that felt like. The only thing was that it felt like instead of hiking too high, he'd swam too deep.

Fuck...my head...

They had walked so long it felt like, through strange turns and crevices, down steep inclines which seemed never-ending. That was one damn thing he'd never get used to, the time here. It was messed up, and he didn't know how people who'd done this by themselves hadn't gone mad. Saruhiko grounded him, and Yata was seriously grateful.

And yet even without a clock or time table, he felt they'd come to some sort of designated stop as the land evened out into the flat and desolate wasteland ahead of them. Creepy. It was almost like they were back at the start, right before the tombs, where everything was gray and empty. Yata shivered, no, it was definitely not comforting.

They'd been sitting there a while, unsure of how to move forward. His hands were gripped on Saruhiko's forearm as the other took a rest, body having caved now that they'd finally reached flat land, and Yata finally managed to pry his clenched hands off of him.

Ouch...

His hands had cramped up from helping Saruhiko walk the last mile or so on the pathway, or at least, he told himself he was just helping Saruhiko. In truth, as they'd ventured further towards the artificial horizon to find their path from the boneyard, the temperature had dropped something severe, the frigidness causing him to clutch the other for warmth. He'd mostly gotten used to it at that point, but he figured had he been alive, he'd surely be dead from the cold. He stretched out his hands with a wince, watching them flex absentmindedly, his knuckles popping from the release. Yata stood up then, moving a hand to shield his eyes as a gust of wind blew through the air, the sting achingly familiar.

"No..." Saruhiko's voice was hoarse as he finally answered, but he didn't seem as worn out as before, finally standing steady as he squinted. The taller reached out almost mechanically, grabbing Yata's hands to soothe the quakes which still disturbed them, and soon the jolts became small trembles under the other's rough hands. The relief it brought was becoming a drug at this point, a fix he needed, and one which if he could've bottled up, would surely be named after the taller. It coursed through him, the conviction, as the fabric bandaging Saruhiko's wounds pressed against his skin. Saruhiko's eyes were homed in on Yata's, a mere moment of focus in which Yata felt as if they were connected by thought, unmarred by anxiety or discomfort. He remembered then, how he almost felt like it was fate he'd met Saruhiko, it had to be! It was something about him, how even as closed off as Saruhiko was, Yata wanted to know more and more. He returned the stare fondly as his hands finally calmed completely, instead wrapping around the taller's with care as he felt the wounds which hadn't been covered. Words didn't feel needed as the moment stretched on, like time had slowed in order for Saruhiko's feelings to sync up with his own, and Yata didn't quite know what that meant. Or, maybe he did, but there wasn't much he could do about it. Or shit, was he just imagining it all?

No, he doubted it. All he knew was the expression of 'I'm glad you're here,' was something he felt through his whole body, a split second of inordinate bliss.

But he guessed it couldn't have lasted, no matter how much he wanted it to.

"The path stops up ahead," Saruhiko managed to say above the wind, and Yata turned to look at where he was pointing.

Huh...

Saruhiko was right, the black cobblestone which he'd become so familiar with cut off abruptly in the distance, or so it seemed. Maybe it's another cliff or something...

Yata really hoped not, his hands couldn't take much more tearing. Or maybe this was the trial, and they had to figure some kind of riddle out like in the movies!

Yata's fascination with that was born and then perished almost a second later. Right, but this wasn't a movie, and no kind of stupid riddle was going to get them back to their lives.

Really, Yata wasn't going to be able to watch action or adventure films at all after this, it sucked.

Fuck, stop it! Focus!

"W-what do you think it is?"

Saruhiko didn't respond, just began to walk slowly forward, guiding Yata with him for a few silent, tense minutes as they closed the distance between them and the end of the path. As they walked, Yata could swear he felt the wind dying down, the whistling of it giving way to...a dripping sound. Water.

Saruhiko halted, and there was the end. Or, he guess he should call it, the rest of the path.

At their feet lay a large, black gash in the earth, a crevice which he couldn't see the contents of. It seemed to drop though, like a rabbit hole, but he wasn't sure.

The trickling sound was louder now, most definitely water dripping from something, so obviously there had to be a floor. But...

The darkness and uncertainty unnerved him, the trials had all capitalized on that aspect too. No sight. Not good. Those were the associations he'd made, and he felt the anxiety inside him flare up.

This was it, he didn't know what it was, but this was the trial. So close...

He swallowed as Saruhiko cautiously kneeled down to peer inside, as if that would help, and Yata instinctively clutched his hand tighter, like something would come up and pull the other away.

Nothing did, much to his relief, but they still hadn't made any progress. Yata had no clue how to approach this other than the obvious, which was to dive right in and get it over with. Not comforting...

The gash radiated cold air and smelled musty and damp. It reminded him of the mountains or coves, things which usually were cool and pleasant for him. He sighed at that, oh how so many things had been ruined for him. As Saruhiko turned to him though, he couldn't help but feel grateful for the one thing he did gain.

"Misaki, I need a light."

The phrase itself just about kicked him out of the numbness he felt. Saruhiko's eyes were on him, determined, the blue just as intense and striking as it had been when they'd first met.

What was he so afraid of, when he had those eyes on him?

The thought made him crack a small smile, and Saruhiko's puzzled expression had him fighting back a laugh.

They were fine. Saruhiko needed him, Saruhiko was doing this with him, and nothing would stop them. Delaying the trial wouldn't help, and either way, he'd gladly face what was next. One step closer...

With that in mind, Yata looked into the blackness, set his jaw, and leaned forward.

--

When he'd been alive, Yata had loved the outdoors, any type of hiking or running or exertion in which he felt energized and invincible. He'd always wanted to go to national parks from all sorts of countries, explore the caves (as long as he could see, because the dark was not fun), climb the steep inclines and reach the top of the highest mountains. Maybe it was silly, especially since before he'd died, his biggest worry was having enough savings for the power bill than a plane ticket. Still...the thought never left him.

Once, he'd gone with a friend who'd been studying archaeology on a special trip to tour some caves and ruins, and it had been the coolest thing ever! It hadn't helped to end any fascination he had with caverns and things alike, and he'd always said he'd explore a lot more when he was older, more successful.

But...now...

He wasn't so sure about exploring.

They'd long passed their point of entry, the gash in the ground which, upon heading down, revealed a sloping rock which they had slid down. He could probably compare it closest to that wonderland movie...he'd watched it at some point with his siblings. What was the character’s name?

Alice.

That's how he felt, like when Alice fell down that hole and it seemed to go on and on. Only...it was less fun looking, dreary and quiet, dark. There weren't bright colors and shapes, only blackness and the fear of the unknown because really, as he slid down the slope further down, he had no idea what was at the bottom. He didn't bother using his aura either, too afraid to waste more energy.

Yata was always someone who relied on his senses, used his body to react, but all he had to guide him was the cold dampness of the rock, and Saruhiko's hands latched on his arm.

Yeah, at least Saruhiko is here.

Even now that they were walking on stable ground with bursts of red aura to guide them, entry point far behind, Yata repeated that himself. In fact, he felt as if he'd experienced the sentiment so many times over the course of the journey, and each time, it never ceased to help.

Yeah, because Saruhiko is my friend.

He flushed, stumbling a bit as they walked, because no...that didn't feel right, and he knew it.

"Misaki, I can't see," Saruhiko said, and Yata jumped, realizing he'd let his arm hang too low.

"S-sorry!" He brought his hand up, and the crimson light bounced off the dark rock. The cave was huge, but he felt caged in. The ceilings were high, but as they reached the top, they seemed to curve inward, like a bird cage of some kind. At least, that's how most...sections were. Otherwise, the layout had been inconsistent, the ground ranging from flat to extremely difficult to walk on. While there was no indication of ramps or inclines, Yata still had the unnerving feeling that they were walking farther and farther down.

It didn't help that they were both on edge. They'd hardly talked since descending into the cave initially, too concerned with what was possibly down there.

Yata swallowed. There was always something waiting, and he hated it. It was always a battle, being anxious and fearful while also buzzing with the instinct to fight and protect. At least he wasn't alone there either.

Saruhiko was being extra diligent about it too, guiding Yata's hand like a torch by the arm to scan about, eyes narrowed in suspicion. In any other situation, Yata might've been nervous about the close contact, but at this point, with everything that had happened...

No, Saruhiko didn't make him nervous anymore, only made him feel strong and safe, and he was pretty sure the other felt the same way about him. Of course he basically knew what that meant, but how to go about saying it was nerve wracking. 

B-besides, it's not really the time!

Right, he should focu--

"Ow!"

Smooth.

Yata clutched at his shin, wincing as the subtle throbbing died down until it became nothing more than a dull ache. Nothing major, but aggravating all the same. Not to mention it gave Yata a fucking heart attack damn.

Judging from how Saruhiko's stance had shifted into one of intimidation, the sudden action had scared him as well. Yata looked to where he had tripped, illuminating the floor as Saruhiko crouched down beside him, relaxing a bit.

"Sorry, I was too focused on everywhere else to look at the ground," Saruhiko said, more than a little irritable.

"Don't worry! I'm just glad it wasn't some kind of monster or something!"

Saruhiko hummed low in affirmation, but reached forward to guide Yata's hand over the floor. When he'd tripped, there'd been a loud clank, like whatever he'd hit had skidded a ways away.

Come to think of it, whatever had hit his shin on had felt pretty cold, but not like a rock exactly...

It felt like...

"It's--"

Metal.

"A trumpet?"

Yup, now this place officially made no sense.

It wasn't the ghost relatives, or the monster, no. The trumpet.

Surely enough, the old and tarnished brass instrument sat a few feet away, dented all over and hardly having any leftover shine to it. It had seen better days.

But what the fuck?

"A trumpet."

"Actually Misaki, I think that's a french h--"

"I don't give a fuck what it is!" Yata was past the point of trying to be quiet. Whatever the next trial was, he welcomed it. "What is it doing here?!"

He missed being given straightforward obstacles really, because if this was some sort of riddle, he was screwed.

Maybe it's magic.

Cautiously, Saruhiko walked forward to pick the item up, examining it for anything special or telling, but no, it was really just a broken instrument.

Um...

"Hey Saru, maybe the angel guy ran out of ideas and now we gotta hit things with the trumpet!"

"French h--"

"I don't care!"

"Either way," Saruhiko went on, eyeing the brass critically as his hands lightly dusted it off. The scraping sound made Yata want to plug his ears. "I don't think it's of any use to us. Unless you know someone by the name of W-Walker S.?"

"Huh? Why?"

He certainly didn't know anyone personally with such a western name, couldn't even recall a movie star or foreign celebrity that rang any bells.

"The name engraved on this, that's what it says."

Yata stood up finally from his floor position, leaning against Saruhiko to see the faint name scratched into the instrument. To say the least, he was confused. Why was some dude's random shit lying in the middle of the cave?

"It looks like it was fancy," Saruhiko said, mostly to himself. "Back when it was new at least."

"But, why is it here?"

Saruhiko only shook his head, but Yata knew the expression he wore. Saruhiko's mind was working, cogs turning as he went through the possibilities. Yata grinned confidently as Saruhiko's eyebrows knit together. Even with the simplest and stupidest information, Saruhiko tried to use it to his advantage, and Yata felt something inside him twist pleasantly as he stared at the taller.

Yeah, Saruhiko sure was smart.

As if an idea had popped into his head, an inference, Saruhiko grabbed Yata's hand, forcing the small embers in the direction to their left. Yata was confused at first, because really they should keep going forward, there was no other opening, but as he was about to voice the observation, his eyes found the jagged edge of the wall. Except it wasn't a wall.

It's a corner.

It was like the light bulb went off in their heads. Something was always hidden, and it might not be important at the end of it, but any kind of clue was helpful.

They walked forward the twenty or so feet, coming to the corner which rounded into a narrower path before widening again into what was probably another room of the cavern.

It might have been the formation, but they both felt curious, could both sense the tension and eeriness radiating from the place. They weren't going to back down or avoid it though, in the end nothing could be avoided in this place anyways if it was meant to be. Might as well meet things head on.

The curiosity only intensified upon casting a light onto the floor of the pathway, revealing more objects which seemed to stand out against the bleak rock.

A pacifier, a tattered blanket, some books, a bible, a pocket watch...

Broken, random things which made about as much sense as the french horn Saruhiko had carelessly let fall from his hands, causing a clang to echo through the walls. If there really was something in this place, it definitely should've found them by now.

Yata exhaled a breath he hadn't remembered holding, mechanically walking a bit forward to pick up the pacifier, and for whatever reason, he felt like crying.

It didn't make sense, but the emotion swept over him as his fingertips danced over the cheap plastic. It was worn, but still had the designs of flowers cleanly etched onto it, like it hadn't really been used much before ending up down here, and the thought made something inside him sink. He brought it closer to his face with a shaking hand, looking back to Saruhiko in an attempt to get help, as if maybe the taller would know what to do.

Yata held it out, and Saruhiko wordlessly reached forward, finger hooking through the small ring, before he let it tumble to the ground with a gasp.

Yata wasn't so sure about this anymore. It shouldn't have meant anything, the french horn, the pacifier, all the shit on the ground, but it felt important, and he almost felt rude for standing there. The room, only ten or so feet ahead, radiating somberness more than before.

"Um..." Yata looked at Saruhiko, searched his eyes for the calculations, the ideas, but there were none. They may have been more confident about things now sure, but stuff like this always reminded Yata how little they actually knew about this place, about death.

They stood for only a few more moments, Saruhiko taking the first steps forward so he was directly behind Yata. There wasn't enough room for them to walk side by side until the passage widened.

The quiet felt alive somehow in that moment, consuming them, not allowing words to make it out, and all Yata could think to do was move forward, because surely there were worse things they still had to see.

--

Before Saruhiko had scored his job at the software company, he'd packed boxes and reviewed shipments for a large department store at a warehouse. It included lazy coworkers, a nerdy orange vest, a clipboard, and required below average intelligence. It was a part time job, something he'd only planned on doing for a few months while he looked for a position within his field, especially since most of his friends had already scored jobs at the office he had applied to. It was only a matter of time. Hell, Enomoto had already been setting up a desk for him, and he hadn't gotten a call back yet.

The rows of merchandise, clothing, furniture, and appliances seemed to stretch on endlessly. Saruhiko couldn't believe people would eventually buy up the whole inventory. The hundreds of kitchen table sets, the infinite number of desk lamps...His clipboard made it all seem so minuscule, grouping every item into a category with the appropriate check boxes. Machines and delivery trucks would come pick them up in bulk, carrying them to the designated stores and home shows, and yet the warehouse was always full, never seeming any less empty as Saruhiko walked around, dutifully accounting for every piece. Maybe it wasn't as excessive as he had thought though, back then.

Yeah back then, he had no idea what 'excessive' truly meant.

What lay in front of him now, was endless. This is what an infinite amount of items genuinely looked like.

The room they were in was still encased by dark cave walls, but otherwise it was by no means normal, and he was pretty sure he was gaping.

It was filled to the brim with a ton of objects, everything ranging from things which resembled old relics to books he'd seen in stores, modern appliances and jewelry. Lockets, strollers, expensive canes, cookbooks, anything he could've imagined, yet so random and insignificant he was left stunned. 

All these things, they didn't mean anything, but they radiated importance and feelings so potent he almost choked.

"W-what...is this?" Misaki stepped forward, cautiously picking up an old teapot, and flinching when the handle broke off and caused the thing to shatter at his feet. The redhead jumped back, and it was like death swept calmly over the room. Misaki dropped the handle instantly, like it had harmed him, and scooted as far away as he could from the mountains of items. It was hard, considering there were mostly surrounding apart from the exit.

Saruhiko couldn't wrap his head around it, couldn't start to theorize or infer about anything, too overcome with the suffocating aura around them.

It was as if nothing could pierce the atmosphere.

"It's what it looks like."

Almost nothing.

They turned, and Saruhiko heard Misaki choke a little, but he didn't have much time to be amused at the fact.

There was a light clack of heels on the rock, as well as the light scrape of something being accidentally stepped on, and then she was facing them head on, only a few feet away. How he hadn't noticed her before, he wasn't sure.

She was intense, that's what Saruhiko observed first. It was probably because of the eyes, light green which shone against pale skin and a fine bone structure, the sharp features framed by waves of blonde hair tied with a bow. She wasn't all that tall, probably just shorter than Misaki even, but she didn't seem it. Her stature, the power she radiated, it made her tower over them, only made to look small over the mountains upon mountains of items around them.

She vaguely reminded Saruhiko of Seri, but no, Seri may have been authoritative and professional when it was called for, but she didn't radiate such...supremacy.

It made Saruhiko squint, but he was intrigued nonetheless. This was the first human like person they'd seen since Totsuka after all...

Misaki on the other hand, was avoiding looking at the woman completely, face flushed, and unintelligible muttering slipping through his lips. Saruhiko didn't even feel like teasing, definitely not a good sign.

Saruhiko figured it was best to get this over with. The woman didn't necessarily look dangerous, but the taller didn't miss the blades which were lying a few feet behind her.

Guard up, always.

"Forgive us if we're a bit too shaken up to see the obvious," Saruhiko replied, not even slightly genuine. It didn't seem to register with the woman, or maybe she just didn't care. The taller wouldn't give her the liberty of directing him into this though. He was getting impatient, and all he wanted was to move forward. "Who are you?"

Saruhiko was thankful that she didn't seem fond of wasting time either. Misaki tensed up beside him as she sighed, gaze penetrating.

"I guess, Hirasaka Douhan is best. It's not useful information for you to know, but I'm the guardian of attachments and ambition," she said, his eyelids lowering in the slightest hint of irritation, like the title was as dumb as it sounded.

"You don't sound so convinced."

Her expression softened, like she hadn't expected him to notice, and nodded curtly. "It...doesn't fit me well, a bit of a joke in my opinion. It's a boring job with nothing to gain, but maybe that's why it was my punishment more than a promotion. I have to thank you though, I never see people make it this far. I'm glad there's something to entertain me."

This far. He put that question on the back burner in his head. He was still sort of stuck on the word 'guardian.' He backtracked, going over her words in his head and really analyzed them, noting how Misaki shot him a confused look after thinking to himself as well.

Right. Think.

Attachment and ambition were concepts, but not really what he'd have guessed to be important enough to need a deity, if that's what she could be called. Abstract things like ambition, love, and all sorts of others played a role in the human condition (at least that's what he'd learned), so perhaps it wasn't too shocking. It was more the realization that there were other players besides Munakata and Mikoto in the afterlife that had him wondering how much control the two really had. This woman, Hirasaka Douhan, how did she end up here? Saruhiko almost wished he could collect all the information about this place, create the ultimate cheat guide to death and the afterlife, but he suspected it was a lot more complicated than necessary, and not worth the effort. No one would believe any of this crap unless they experienced it themselves.

Douhan probably wasn't as important as Munakata and Mikoto, that much he could guess, but she had to be essential in some way. Who knew the underworld would consist of checks and balances, and if it was true, what others were there, and how did they come to be? He supposed those were just the mysteries that simple humans would never know the answers to.

In this moment, it wasn't important to him, so he disregarded it all in favor of focusing on what she would mean for their situation.

"U-um," Misaki finally managed to force out, still not looking at the deity in front of them in favor of the ground. "Where are we? W-what is this sh--stuff?"

She shrugged, way less proper than Munakata, yet not as careless as Mikoto. What a contrast, it seemed she would only be explaining things shortly, and only when asked. "We just call it the registry." And there was that we again. This was going to be annoying.

"Registry?"

"Every time someone dies, we have to keep track of it. The higher ups file it away, keeping tabs on the cause of death and other details of the person's life. Since you're here, I'm sure you already know that."

The image of the waiting room, of the white haired young man who glided across the infinite rows of files, flashed through Saruhiko's mind. Absentmindedly, he watched Misaki hesitantly approach a pile again, picking up a stuffed animal which let loose a good amount of dust. Saruhiko's stomach twisted uncomfortably, like his mind had connected the dots enough to have a clear picture of where they were. Keeping track of...

"However, my coworkers and I keep tabs on things a little differently."

Yeah, not good.

Misaki seemed to get the implied meaning as well, without having to continue, judging by how his fists tightened around the animal.

Douhan simply continued, like it was business as usual. "When someone passes, an object which they held as significant in their life is placed here."

To rot.

Misaki gasped, clutching the toy tighter in what was most likely shock. Saruhiko couldn't say he felt any different. Though he usually tried to not worry about such things, or preoccupy himself with concern for those he didn't know, he recognized the 'registry' as something unintentionally (he assumed) cruel. Also...now everything seemed much more personal, more pitiful than he was really used to experiencing. Old glasses, books, toys, things which belonged to people who had met their end, banished to a dark, cold cave to never be seen again. What was the point of it? It seemed almost malicious, throwing items which people had held special into a giant mess where they no longer stood out apart from the millions of others. Tons of baby blankets, hundreds of books, instruments...All personal, all turned pathetic.

"It's a graveyard." It was the closest thing he could think of, but no, in truth it was probably worse. More like a mass grave.

"It's impractical is what it is." Douhan crossed her arms in front of her, glancing out across the infinite piles like she had grown used to them long ago. "It's a waste of space and we don't benefit from it. We could keep track of deaths a million other ways, but my associate insisted on being sentimental. Something about 'preservation in the face of change' or something similar." She paused then, like she was thinking, reforming her words in her head. "Hanging onto the old...it's never been like him. Maybe in a way this is in his character though, so I take what I said back. He's banishing the past to this sad little place. I don't appreciate being stuck as the caretaker though."

Preservation in the face of change...bullshit.

"That sounds like crap."

"It's messed up," Misaki's voice mumbled into the air, and Saruhiko noticed he was still clutching the toy, glaring at it with the same strength he used before fighting. "What kind of shit is that?"

Not really knowing what else to do, Saruhiko walked over to Misaki's hunched position, ghosting the tips of his fingers over his shoulder as he continued to speak to the blonde. Death of the old and sick was one thing, but Saruhiko could tell when it came to children, Misaki was particularly sensitive. "It does seem like a bit too much."

"Maybe, but it's my job, and I can't refuse." Douhan turned away from them, walking back towards a rock so she could take a seat. "It's unfair, in my life I would never do anything for free, but death makes us all pay. I suggest you move on quickly so you can live again as soon as possible."

Well, that was the goal, and Saruhiko would've gladly left her right then, not wanting to prolong this adventure more than he had to. But of course, nothing was so simple. There had to be a reason they were here. It wouldn't exist otherwise, and he'd learned regardless that things down here rarely happened by chance.

"What was the point then?"

Douhan's eyes snapped up to meet his, not surprised but...resigned, like she didn't want to answer but she knew eventually she had to.

"Excuse me?"

Saruhiko clicked his tongue, something he hadn't done in a while, but the familiarity definitely wasn't making him feel better. "Why bring us here to see this? If it's not a trial, what's the point?"

Misaki stood up at his words, dropping the stuffed animal slowly as they waited. The toy plopped softly, a small puff of dust coming from it.

"Oh. It's a reminder, I guess."

It was there again, subtle, but there, the irritation set on her face. Vaguely, Saruhiko wondered what kind of person she had been in life, for her to be so upset. She was a deity, an all knowing being of human attachment and ambition, yet it appeared it hadn't been voluntary.

"Reminder?" Misaki's voice was hesitant, but at least he'd gotten over the embarrassment from before, the anger from moments before overpowering all else.

Douhan sighed, reaching up to mess with the bow atop her head. "My associate believes that it's necessary for you to have a reality check before continuing on. I don't see the point though, obviously the fact that you're this far in the journey must mean you already have resolve."

Resolve. The word made him think back to the start of all this, to his disdain and reluctance, the denial and fear he'd felt before getting to know Misaki, before really embracing himself, as stupid as it sounded. Resolve had been something he'd always lacked, but hearing about it now, he had no doubt he possessed it, would have to, to be crazy enough to believe he could make it out of this.

"But...well, maybe it is wise for you to get a good sense of the magnitude of death as a whole, not just your own." She hesitated then, biting her lip to contain a bitter smile, before the stoic nature was back, final and intense.

"Don't ignore this, look around, take it in. It's best not to be careless from this point on, don't take your chances for granted. It's foolish not to attain your goals, to not achieve the benefits. Many people, better people than you and me have met their ends, some very untimely, without the chance to do as much." Douhan pointed to the heaps calmly, and they couldn't help but follow her hand. "It would be useless for you to forget that. You're right, this is a graveyard. Don't become part of it too soon."

--

She walked with them, following silently behind them as they explored the mess. They avoided stepping on any of the items, especially Misaki, mostly out of respect for the owners.

"If you see anything useful, there's no rule that says you cannot take it. It will be returned here regardless." Douhan's voice had a gentler edge to it, like she could read the atmosphere between them. Her words may have well been for nothing though, because no way did he want to take anything from this place.

For one, whenever they touched something, the emotions of the previous owner flooded into them, and that was certainly would not be pleasant for a prolonged period of time, and well...

"I don't want to take anything without permission," Misaki whispered, stepping over a set of old books.

The blonde didn't reply, understanding the underlying meaning there. Taking things which had once been important to someone else, it felt like it added more insult to injury. Saruhiko didn't believe much in karma or anything similar, but it creeped him out enough for him to avoid it.

He was basically ready to go. There was no point for them to be there if they weren't going to take anything, but maybe they were curious, or maybe they were just thankful for the slight break. Saruhiko was walking behind Misaki, letting him do most of the navigating. The redhead's shoulders were tense, his gaze searching, analyzing everything in a way that was rare to see outside of threatening situations.

Saruhiko felt a bit out of his element. Misaki was so emotional and stiff because it was a sentimental place, full of personal belongings and attachments. The redhead was naturally predisposed to feel empathy, but Saruhiko was not. It wasn't completely nonexistent, but it made him feel awkward and comfortable, so he wanted to shy away. All the people who had died, represented by these miscellaneous things, he had no connection to them, no reason to mourn. Yet, he was no different than them. One day, he'd be nothing more than an item in a registry, a reminder.

For once, something unpleasant itched inside him at the thought of being so forgettable.

"I wonder what ours will be," Misaki spoke up, and Saruhiko's head snapped up to find him. The shorter had stopped now, at the foot of one of the bigger hills of things, in front of a few CDs, a jewelry box, and a pile of wedding rings. "I can't think of anything, I mean there's my paintings...and stuff from my mom and siblings but I dunno..."

Something significant...something one holds dear....

Now that he had to think about it, Saruhiko couldn't picture it either. What did he even use in his daily life that was important? His laptop. No, that couldn't be it. Yet all the 'sentimental' things didn't feel great enough. If he didn't complete this journey, what would characterize him in an eternal tomb?

"I don't know either."

"It would be impressive if you did," Douhan said, turning her head towards the way they'd come from, back to the path they'd eventually need to resume on. "But if I were you, I wouldn't worry about it. I'd only hope I wouldn't find out for a long time."

Saruhiko was pleased to see Misaki actually crack a smile at that, the one which spoke nothing but determination, and Saruhiko thought vaguely that yes, they wouldn't know for a long long time.

"Right!" Misaki walked up to him, tugging lightly on Saruhiko's wrist to turn him around. ah, so it was time to go after all. No more breaks. "We still have lots of time!"

Saruhiko didn't pull away or scoff as the redhead dragged him forward, too focused on the warmth and unlikely truth of the words.

As they trekked back towards the beginning, Douhan led them along a slightly less cluttered route, and Saruhiko noticed the section of the room held items a bit more dated, lots of them before his time or no longer used. It was interesting, seeing attachments across lifetimes, all equated in death.

Misaki gasped at some of the older looking relics for reasons Saruhiko wasn't aware of, though maybe they just looked cool. The redhead was muttering things under his breath as well, but Saruhiko was too busy taking in everything to pay much attention to the gibberish.

Something twinkled in Saruhiko's peripheral vision, and he stopped, turning to see a few items which stood out on the side of the room. For one, they were seated upon a flat slab, like they were somehow more important than the rest, and they looked less beaten up than the others.

He'd halted, and the blonde leading them noticed, turning to watch Saruhiko analyze the slab. "We keep those separate for...historical purposes."

Historical purposes was as shitty as it got when it came to reasons, but Saruhiko didn't feel the need to ask in that moment.

"What are they?" Misaki followed after the taller, looking across the objects. Some were old gold coins, armor, and other similar things which may as well have come right out of a history museum. However, it was two items in particular that seemed to stand out the most, one of which had Saruhiko's fingers itching. The first was a pair of sapphire cuff links, shiny and obviously crafted with a lot of care, and the other...

His eyes homed in on them, and well, it was almost embarrassing, but he'd never gotten over his fascination with them. Atop the slab sat a pair of exquisite throwing knives, obviously expensive and well made, and his hands reached up.

"Saruhiko?" Misaki watched as the taller approached the slab, and Saruhiko turned to make sure touching them was okay and not a death sentence. Douhan nodded, a bit amused, and Saruhiko was thankful for the green light.

Saruhiko held the daggers, sleek and jagged, like a pro, despite his lack of practice in the past five years. He'd never used these kind of throwing knives either, so his aim was probably shit, but at least his reflexes were somewhat sharp and he had a basic knowledge of how to handle them. He twirled the knives effortlessly, liking the feel of cool metal and weightlessness. As depressing as his life had felt before the age of eighteen, learning the rare skill had given him a sense of peace and stability, if only for a moment in the tumultuous time. Looking back on it now made him feel weird, like he was in some cheesy book where he was reflecting on how far he'd come. He didn't know about all that, but the knives did make him feel more put together. 

What was more rewarding than finding the knives themselves was the look on Misaki's face. It was on of admiration and amazement, a gaze Saruhiko was definitely not used to being the focus of, but he couldn't hate it in the slightest. But soon, the wide eyed look twitched, morphing into one of confusion as the amber pools began to analyze the daggers in a way Saruhiko had never seen before. It was as if...Misaki was calculating some sort of problem.

It was annoying, not the look itself, but the fact that it made heat rush to Saruhiko's face like a switch had been flipped.

It...was definitely not a bad look.

"Hey Saru...those daggers...can I see?" Misaki's voice sounded eager, his hands already reaching up towards the other's hands. 

Saruhiko actually hesitated from the intensity in those eyes, like Misaki had cracked some kind of code Saruhiko hadn't been aware of, and wordlessly, the taller slid the daggers carefully into the other's hands, feeling the callouses brush over his skin and linger a bit too long.

"T-thanks!" Misaki's flush probably mirrored his own, Saruhiko figured.

Shaking off whatever thoughts were in his head, Misaki's eyes focused on the daggers, examining them closely with nimble fingers, impressive considering all he'd put those hands through. Still, he was delicate, treating them like an ancient relic which could crumble in his palms at any moment, never to be seen again. The redhead's thumb moved gently over the handle of the blade, focusing on the insignia which was etched into it.

Saruhiko didn't recognize it, he'd figured it was some sort of foreign brand or a personal touch from the previous owner, but paying closer attention...

It was the size of a small coin, and resembled a family seal, not unlike those put on official documents and letters. With the majority of the blade being black and grey, it shone red, the small design, which Saruhiko could now distinguish as a flame of some sort, stood out proudly on the dark material. The flames curled elegantly, reminding him of the ones on Misaki's fingertips, but otherwise, Saruhiko couldn't see why Misaki was so entranced by it.

Maybe he just thought it looked--

"Suoh Dynasty."

Saruhiko squinted, caught off guard by the sudden declaration, only to be robbed of all air by the triumphant expression on the other's face. The...what?

"Huh?"

Misaki grinned, eyes going wider as he pushed the dagger into Saruhiko's field of vision, pointing to the insignia. "It's from the Suoh Dynasty! I studied history remember...mm...but--this wasn't my favorite period but, it was cool! Er..."

Yet you still managed to date it.

Saruhiko felt strangely warm, and he didn't like it. Or, he didn't really know how he felt about it.

Misaki was not fazed by the hand Saruhiko brought up to cover his own mouth. The taller could feel some sort of unwarranted grin coming on, and no way was he going to let that slip. The redhead just kept nodding to himself, too swept up in the discovery to notice the taller's actions right away.

Ah right, a response.

"So it's old?"

"Well...duh," Misaki said, bringing a hand to rub at the back of his neck. "It's not really important but it's just kinda cool! That kingdom was known for making weapons and being a main trading post and stuff, but not many artifacts are left anymore."

Saruhiko grabbed the dagger curiously, twirling it easily between his fingers. So it's rare huh?

He noticed Misaki's excited expression, and damn, the warmth wouldn't go away. It wasn't as if he thought Misaki was dumb anymore, but seeing him showcase the fact was something else.

Saruhiko did his best to focus. He glanced back to the blade in his hand, watched the insignia glisten with a quality that didn't suit a supposed relic. Then there was the feeling too...The daggers weren't too different from everything else in the room, when he focused on it, all the emotions trapped inside it flowed into him, and he shivered. Whoever had owned these had felt many things, but the main ones were rage, calm, and anguish. An interesting mix, and one Saruhiko didn't feel like experiencing longer than he had to. He set it down on the rock again. "Why did the kingdom die out?"

Misaki perked up, thinking to himself. "It just kinda happened? Shit, I hated this test question, there's a lot to it...but basically the crown prince disappeared and was never found, and then there was a war for...whatever it's called...succession!"

"Unfortunately," Douhan interrupted, drawing their attention back. "Those are the only items you can't take."

"For historical purposes?"

He didn't miss the way her lips twitched upwards a little. "For 'keeping my job' purposes. It's either this or having to associate with the others, and while this is boring, it's not torture."

A shame. The daggers were the only things Saruhiko actually would've found useful.

"But," she spoke again, reaching into her pack to rummage through it. A few questionable things spilled out, darts, unlabeled vials, some regular knives, a mishmash of weaponry.

He almost considered asking why a deity such as herself needed all that stuff, but for some reason he felt it wasn't the best idea. Eventually, she pulled out two sleek, silver handled daggers, and held them forward, locking eyes with Saruhiko. "If you think they'd be of help, you can have mine."

--

There was a weak feeling of encouragement in Douhan's goodbye. She hadn't exactly said ' do your best' or 'stay strong,' but she'd bowed to them, and told them to keep their guard up.

It was like she knew what was coming, and if Saruhiko thought about it, she probably did. Misaki had stuttered a thank you, and they'd left her behind. Saruhiko could tell Misaki had a lot of unanswered questions for her, but ones which weren't necessary to their task or journey, so they were saved. Misaki had bit his tongue, blushing and dumbly declaring how they'd be victorious and that their items would be 'super cool' in sixty or seventy years, and she'd better not forget it. Saruhiko had clicked his tongue, dragging the other away. The goodbye was pretty useless in his mind. Besides, Saruhiko had a feeling they would see her again.

But, not for a long time.

Until then, his ultimate cheat guide for death and the afterlife would have to wait. At the thought, Saruhiko clutched Douhan's knives in his palm.

They walked deeper into the cave, and for once, Saruhiko felt like they weren't in the middle of a perilous journey. He asked Misaki more about his history knowledge, about what his favorite eras were, about the relics he'd been muttering about, and in return Misaki commented on his skills with the daggers, about what he thought his item would be if he had to guess. They talked and talked, sometimes about stupid things, frivolous things too light for the situation they were in, but it all felt so natural, being with Misaki.

Misaki had been in the middle of telling a particularly embarrassing story from his high school days, which Saruhiko couldn't help but snort at as Misaki lost his voice to laughter and yelling on behalf of his humiliation, and their voices had eventually faded out into the silence.

It was comfortable at first, a normal, cozy quiet which didn't hold any dread or fear. But of course, that couldn't last.

Saruhiko hadn't noticed the change at first, too preoccupied with the warmth surging through him to pay attention to Misaki's steps becoming slower, until he was lagging behind.

But Saruhiko realized Misaki must've been looking at him, he could feel it, the familiar warmth of the gaze burning at the back of his head, and he spun to meet the eyes with his own when he realized the other wasn't beside him. As lame as it was, it was exhilarating each time, because with so much emotion locked in those irises, he didn't know what to expect. It made him anxious, excited too, what would it be, how would Misaki be looking at him?

Saruhiko met the gaze, and felt his entire body stiffen. There was something he'd realized along the journey with the redhead, and it was that he was gradually beginning to pinpoint even the most complex emotions locked in his expressions. He didn't always understand them, but this time there was no confusing it, and all Saruhiko could think was, ah, so something's not right.

Misaki's face was confused, on edge, and he kept tilting his head back and forth, as if straining for...

"Hey...what's that noise?" Misaki's eyes roamed frantically about their surroundings, voice more hushed than before, on guard, and Saruhiko almost thought the redhead might've been losing it. That face though... "There! Saruhiko listen!"

What--

But then there it was. It was so faint, and at first, it barely registered over the sound of dripping water. Saruhiko had to strain to hear it, but once he did, it seemed it was the only thing he was aware of. It was a light, flapping sound, clumsy and getting quicker by the second. As it sped up, it was amplified by the cave's walls, deafening. As if it was something coming towards them rapidly.

He tensed immediately, shifting a step closer to Misaki. No, he couldn't lose sight of him in this place in the face of the unknown. But what is it now?

Saruhiko combed his mind for answers, but instinct took over, and that instinct was panic. There were the obvious guesses of course. Birds? Some sort of aerial attack? But in the end, nothing mattered over the fact the noise presented a potential danger. It wouldn't be out of the question, given what they'd been through, who knew what other creatures existed in this place.

Damn it.

One trial right after the next...he was foolish to think they'd be allowed a rest. "Misaki, a light!"

The knife had slid into his palm before he'd even finished the sentence. Was his aim even that great anymore? He could only hope. He looked at Misaki, the split second agreement they always shared. 'I've got your back.'

Misaki glared upwards into the darkness, hand illuminating the air above them as the approaching sounds seemed to reach a high point, and then--

Silence.

It had stopped, and Saruhiko nearly choked on the sharp intake of breath he'd taken in preparation for...

For what...?

Both of them searched the ceiling of the cave above them, every noticeable crevice, Misaki illuminating every shadow. There was nothing there. Nothing visible, but, maybe assuming it would be had been his mistake. Saruhiko felt a different sensation on the back of his neck, cold, calculating. It wasn't the same as when Misaki stared, but it was still coming from behind him. Shit! Saruhiko rushed his next actions, but he'd realized it too late. He managed to gasp, grabbing Misaki by the arm to spin them both around until they were facing the end of the path. Unaware of what else to do or what he was about to see, he raised the knife, just as Misaki lit up the space around them.

All panic nearly died within him...sort of. It was replaced with puzzlement and maybe even...annoyance. Oh how he'd missed being able to feel that emotion so wholeheartedly.

In front of them, perched calmly on a slab of rock, was a parrot. A fucking parrot.

Saruhiko felt a spectrum of emotions in that moment, maybe more than he had in his entire life, and none were pleasant.

"The...hell?" Misaki seemed to feel the same, but regardless, he pushed harder into Saruhiko's back, always prepared for the worst.

Right, maybe it's a disguise of some sort...

There was a loud, sudden squawk, something Saruhiko might've recognized from a cheesy pirate movie, not nearly as majestic as the sound of gulls or hawks. It shattered the tense atmosphere, the stupid noise the bird made, and Saruhiko dropped his arm and the knife.

Both he and Misaki exhaled, stepping a few steps back from the strange, oddly perched animal, not yet taking their eyes of it.

It was a bird but...

"Why is it staring like that?" Misaki had a point. The creature was...upsetting somehow. Not exactly in a threatening or violent way, but it was creepily focused on them, the unblinking blue eyes squinting almost in judgement. Saruhiko couldn't tell for sure either, but there was something almost smug in its gaze, if that was even possible. He might've chastised himself for the childish thought, it was a dumb bird after all, but...

"Ch, that damn thing is creeping me out!" Misaki shouted, waving a cautious hand in front of the bird in an effort to scare it away. "Shoo! Fucking move! Move!" Misaki had resorted to stomping his feet at that point, and the taller figured he'd seen enough.

"Misaki...I don't think it cares," Saruhiko mumbled, stepping a bit closer to the animal once he saw it wasn't lashing out at the redhead.

"Well it should! Stupid parrot! I swear it's laughing at us, you can tell!"

Saruhiko bit his lip. Ah, so you noticed too.

Or it could just be Misaki being too imaginative, which wasn't unlikely, but...

The parrot's head tilted to the side at the words, making it look as if it was genuinely smiling, like it knew something they didn't. It pissed Saruhiko right off.

He raised his knife again, prepared to tap the bird a bit. Maybe touching it would get a reaction, besides...

"It's standing at the end," Saruhiko said with irritation, and Misaki grunted, realizing the meaning behind the bird's perch. It was where the continuation of the path should've been, where the cobble stone ended, right on top of the stupid rock.

The path stopped at the damn bird, and he'd only just noticed.

"What...why?"

"Don't know, but it must mean something." Saruhiko moved forward, knife coming inches away from the bird's beak. Nothing ever happens by coincidence here.

Just a bit closer...

"How perceptive."

Saruhiko lurched back when the bird spoke, colliding lightly into Misaki's chest as the other began to stutter profusely, all the while the taller refused to take his wide eyes off the animal. The bird sat calmly as ever, the ruckus it had caused not bothering its perch in the slightest. In fact, the green feathers ruffled lightly, and Saruhiko could swear it was laughing.

Saruhiko almost growled, but didn't dare approach. Right, nothing in this place could be normal could it?

"D-demon parrot!" Misaki's words hardly phased the bird, and it continued on in the same, calm tone, neck twisting every which way with its words.

"The both of you have done very well up until this point. I am quite impressed. It's not often that I get to greet Returners."

This point?

They stood at a standstill for several moments, and Saruhiko was at least thankful things weren't as eerily quiet as before, what with Misaki screaming about 'demons.' But Saruhiko supposed that wouldn't be far from the truth, given where they were.

The parrot waited as Misaki fumed, making no menacing or even slight motions. Calm, calculating. Saruhiko felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, calling this thing a bird was probably inaccurate.

When it appeared that no danger would come from the parrot or anything around them, Saruhiko slowly slid the knife back into his sleeve, remaining rigid with Misaki's grip on his shoulders.

The words echoed in his head, both Douhan's and the bird's.

Making it this far...

Saruhiko dared not get his hopes up, however...

"Hey," Misaki said with a glare, the annoyance thick in his tone, like he couldn't quite fathom yet that he was talking to a bird, even after everything they'd seen. "You said this point? You make it sound like we're close or some shit. So did the scary lady!"

Right. Close to the end, close to hell. Saruhiko shuddered, and he felt Misaki's fingertips press more firmly onto the lines of tension which were now prominent. It was comforting, but it didn't take away from the fear completely.

"That was my intention. However, you face one last...evaluation." The parrot's feathers ruffled again, causing a few to fall to the cave floor, and Saruhiko squinted. "We should be moving along, time doesn't like to be kept waiting."

What the hell kind of expression is that?

More importantly, the bird was offering a next step of sorts, whether or not it was trustworthy was a separate issue entirely. Another trial? It didn't surprise him, after all, that's what they'd been doing all along. So, what was with the bird? Why was it necessary for it to greet them? Why was it where the path should be?

He guessed it would be explained, after all, he hadn't known what Douhan's purpose was either, but everything seemed to be interlocked, and it pissed him right off.

Saruhiko could simply infer that the last trial was special in a way the others weren't, which also explained why Douhan's 'reminder' had been needed, but something still had him on edge. Not to mention, the entire time they'd been in the cave, they hadn't heard Munakata's voice even once. For a man who would rarely shut up, it was concerning. "Evaluation? Why not just let us walk into it ourselves, if it’s another trial?"

Suddenly, the bird's wings extended outward, in preparation for flight, and the gleam in its eye telling Saruhiko he had asked the right question. Whether or not he'd regret it, he didn't know. "This one is a bit different, conducted by me personally. You will need to follow."

"Um, I can't fly."

Ah yes, Misaki never failed to lighten any serious atmosphere. In the beginning, it had really annoyed Saruhiko, but now it was rather needed. Especially this close to the end. Saruhiko's fists clenched at the thought, one that had been gradually settling over him as they made progress. The end, the future...life. Would Misaki still be the same after all this, would Saruhiko? Would their lives go back to normal once they returned? The logical answer was probably not. Ghosts, regrets, insecurities, immeasurable burdens which they'd been forced to encounter and overcome. They'd seen things no one else could dream about, had run for their lives and contemplated death. No, lifting that weight was impossible. They'd both be stuck with these horrors, these memories forever. But even with that...some childish, unrealistic side of Saruhiko wanted Misaki to stay Misaki.

"I think it means we should walk below it," Saruhiko informed calmly, and Misaki nodded in understanding, a soft 'I knew that' escaping his lips.

Yes, Misaki should always be like this.

"Well then," the bird spoke, "shall we?"

--

The walk through the cave was shockingly pleasant, the ground had flattened out, and other than hopping over the occasional crevice, it was without exertion. The bird had also ceased to speak, flying calmly above. When Saruhiko attempted to talk to it again, all he received was a unintelligible squawk, and some repeated words from his question, like the parrot was suddenly a normal creature. Huh....

The mood had certainly changed, the layer of confusion which had settled over them was present, but the silence between he and Misaki was comfortable, both stewing in their own thoughts.

Saruhiko took the time to reflect, as he liked to do. They were walking to a trial, the last trial before...

Saruhiko didn't know how to feel. Afraid? Proud? It all seemed too one dimensional.

Being close to the end, it was something he wouldn't have considered possible when they'd first stepped on the black cobblestone path back in heaven, wouldn't have even entertained the idea. But now...

He felt a wide range, a mixture, an unidentifiable concoction of emotions, as if one couldn't be pinpointed without calling out another. He was fearful of stepping into hell, relieved he had made it there at all...happy...happy to be there with Misaki. It was all there, swirling inside him.

He looked down, watching as Misaki's fingers came to wrap around his own, a comfort by now, typical of the two of them. Misaki was weird. He made Saruhiko feel invincible, like they could do anything together.

Saruhiko honestly didn't know if he would have survived the first trial without the redhead, but he knew he'd helped Misaki quite a lot himself as well. There was an unmistakable balance there that he didn't understand, but he wouldn't give it up for anything. Clinging to things...it had never been something he afforded himself. It was a fool's decision, hanging onto things which could be taken from you, that's what he used to think.

Things had changed a lot since he'd grown up a little, even more since he'd met Misaki, and for whatever reason little things...certain emotions and gestures, weren't getting to him as much in a negative sense. He was getting worse at pushing them away, like he simply didn't have the motive for it any longer. The flush of his skin when Misaki looked at him, the encouraging grins and words, the undeniable twisting of his stomach which made his head spin in terribly cliche ways...he was rejecting those feelings less and less. He was like a damn love-struck idiot, and the fact he even so much as recognized that was telling. Maybe it wasn't only Misaki either, maybe it was also his stupid co-workers buying him those candles he hated the smell of when one burned out, or bringing him coffee when he'd overworked. Maybe it was Seri forcing him to go home and sleep, or him helping her plan the wedding though he always denied wanting to, but still showed up to every rehearsal and dinner. It could've been Enomoto's dumb inspirational post cards and unnecessary work parties.

It was probably all of it, and more. Details and moments he'd never cared to really remember or acknowledge before his death.

The anxiety would bubble up when he would think of the care and the concern the people around him gave, but it never stayed long, and he didn't know what to do about it. He found himself drowning in the pleasant waves of emotion more than he fought them. Any normal person would say it was a good thing, great even, becoming a better version of himself (if he could actually claim that), but as logical as it was, it was difficult to let all those years of neglect and solitude fade away, disintegrate before his eyes. In truth, he didn't know how to handle being happy.

Happy.

He clicked his tongue, and Misaki finally glanced at him, puzzled. "Saruhiko, what is it?"

Nothing. Everything.

"Honestly, in the middle of a journey to hell..." Saruhiko grimaced, if more for the circumstances than the realization itself.

"Huh?"

Death, awful trials, a grueling journey, the potential promise of eternal hell...he'd gone through all that, was still going through all that, only to realize he was...

"...happy," Misaki's voice cut through Saruhiko's thoughts, and the taller was almost afraid he'd spoken aloud.

"What?"

It wasn't the case however, since Misaki began to sputter at the question, breaking their hold as he tried to formulate an explanation. “I-I mean...mm...I'm happy! Not happy like...man this has been a great time because it like...sucked. This whole journey was awful! But, not the being with you part! Just--"

Saruhiko's eyes widened as if his mind had already grasped Misaki's words without knowing what they'd be for sure.

"Doing all these awful things, being so scared, made me realize I...I love my friends and family, I love taking risks and creating things! It made me think that...I don't want to be scared anymore, or hold back once I am back to living. I dunno, I think I took a lot of shit for granted before is all..."

Misaki's face scrunched up, typical of when he was trying to piece his words together carefully, because delivery was everything. Saruhiko nearly laughed, because he knew the redhead would still end up sputtering or reiterating his meaning dozens of times, and the taller didn't even care. Misaki should stay Misaki.

"I mean it's fucking hard, to let everything you've always been...weird about? Or! Scared about I mean, it feels wrong to let it all go but, I can't help it? Yeah. I can't help it, and it's awesome!"

To think, someone who wasn't particularly gifted or fancy with words, could captivate Saruhiko completely with them. Saruhiko couldn't respond properly, his only thoughts being repetitive and simple. Me too. Exactly.

"So I'm happy you know? That even with all the fucked up shit we went through, all the stuff I won't forget...I'm at least happy it made me realize how much I value even the dumbest stuff about my life."

Right. Even the dumbest stuff.

Saruhiko glared from his own understanding, and again, he didn't know how to handle this at all. It wasn't as if he had a choice anymore though, it wasn't like before, where he could shut things down, expel them or seal them off somewhere in the deepest reaches of his mind. He had no control, he couldn't fight it, and he guessed...who would?

"Saruhiko, um, before this happens, I have to t-tell you something." For whatever reason, Saruhiko's stomach twisted again, and while he knew what it meant now, it didn't make things any more pleasant. His usual instinct to avoid the conversation or simply shut down was no longer present however, and he'd have to get used to that too he supposed. Annoying.

Misaki's face only made his palms sweat more, though it was from anticipation more than anxiety. The redhead's face was more flushed than Saruhiko had ever seen it, and he had his face fixed on the parrot above them as it flew down and through a smaller section of the cavern, forcing the both of them to crouch down a bit as they walked. It was like a tunnel, only illuminated by some sort of green gems lining the surface. Gaudy. It looked artificial too, carved out, almost like a path. He could still hear the bird flying above them, and he had a feeling they were getting close.

It only made the anticipation worse. "What is it?" He cursed himself for how weak his voice sounded.

Even with the tinge of green light, Saruhiko could tell Misaki was blushing even more. "S-shut up! I'm trying to word it right!"

Seriously. "It can't be that bad..."

"It's not bad at all jerk! At least, I hope not."

Misaki was going to be the end of him, and problem was he didn't mind. God, being more open about shit was so stupid, why did people embrace this? Idiots.

Maybe you should say something first.

Saruhiko silenced the voice in his head. Yeah, no. He wasn't quite at that level yet.

In fact, Saruhiko didn't know what Misaki was going to say, only had a faint idea, and he should've cursed himself for being so hopeful.

He'd only recently come to terms with how he felt about everything, about Misaki, and now he was expecting those feelings to be mirrored. Expectations were dangerous, that's what he'd normally remind himself. It simply wasn't working though, so he kept walking, staring at the tunnel walls like they were the very bane of his existence.

But...would it be so bad to speak up too? No. No, no. He wasn't doing--

"Ugh! It's just, how do I put it?!" Misaki finally yelled, his words way louder than necessary, the parrot above them actually stumbled a bit mid-flight from the echoing of the cave walls. "Your face!"

Saruhiko, had he been in any other normal circumstance, would've stopped in his tracks, thoroughly confused.

What.

He hadn't exactly expected eloquence, but what?

Misaki's eyes were ablaze though, frustrated but confident, like he'd totally made sense.

Saruhiko rarely found himself dumbfounded, or at a loss for at the very least, a half-assed response, but of course, Misaki made him experience all kinds of new things.

"...my face?"

"Yeah."

Saruhiko was going to hurt him, not too bad, but just enough. Saruhiko inhaled, a last ditch effort to calm himself down and try to work out whatever the hell kind of response was 'your face.' "And what about it?"

"Well! It's dumb! I can't stand it, b-because--"

"You--"

"Shut up a sec and listen!" Misaki's sputtering was laced with embarrassment and anxiety, not intimidating in the slightest, but Saruhiko shut up, actually listened to what the other had to say. Not like he had much choice, Misaki would just yell over him anyways.

Well, that's what he told himself. In truth, it was the spark in Misaki's eyes, the one which always followed some stupidly delivered line or confession which would become ingrained in Saruhiko's head forever. He felt his throat go dry.

"I-I hate your face because I don't hate it! It's stupid...and ever since I met you I can't stop looking at it and ugh--you! You don't deserve it because you're the worst! The absolute fucking worst because you can't just come into my life--death? Whatever, you can't just come in all of a sudden and be all cool and awesome and see me cry a-and go through all this with me. B-because..."

Because...

Saruhiko was going to die again, for some reason that's how he felt. It wasn't natural, for his pulse to be this fast, his skin this clammy. Something was wrong, something had to be wrong. Nothing felt wrong about anything though, and his only want in that moment was for Misaki to keep talking, no matter how much all Saruhiko's past instincts told him to run and not hear it.

"Because, now that you're here--fuck I dunno, I don't ever want you to not be."

There it was.

Did he even find it surprising, deep down? Mirrored feelings.

No, he was surprised, not so much by the confession itself, not by the strange delivery either, but calmness, the warmth which swept over him as soon as Misaki had finished speaking.

Maybe more so than that too, was the need for Misaki's eyes on him, and Saruhiko's own struggle to formulate a response. It was a simple task, looking at it logically. There were a number of ways he could reply, some better than others.

'I feel the same.'

'I want to stay.'

'You're everything.'

The words all felt heavy on his tongue, and while a physical response wouldn't be out of the question either, he could hardly fathom how he was still walking at this point.

So stupid, so lame, and yet...

He spared a glance at Misaki, and he could already tell he was taking too long for the redhead's liking to reply. The shorter's eyes were glaring at his feet as they walked, fists clenching and then relaxing quickly, like he didn't know what to do with them anymore now that he wasn't holding Saruhiko's hand, and maybe that realization was the final straw which got him moving.

The taller grabbed the other's hand without thinking of it, and said what seemed appropriate at the time. "I hate your face too, stupid."

The way Misaki's breath catches, Saruhiko can't handle it, he looks away. "Your expressions...they're bright and annoying, they take up everything and I can't see anything else. Your personality too, bright, annoying..."

The hand around his is warm.

"Determined, strong..."

Breathtaking. He swallows, and as the last train of thought is blurted out, he drops his voice to nothing more than a mumble. "I refuse to be without any of that."

And he means it. He doesn't waver about the resolution he feels. Staying with Misaki...

Carefully, he drags his eyes to Misaki, unsure of what he'd see. But ah, at this point, was there any reason to be so cautious about these things?

Saruhiko's hand tightened around Misaki's when he sees the other's face, the redhead's eyes as they snapped to meet his own, and that was that.

Ah, the look in them now, fiery and passionate in a completely different way than during a trial or after they got past one. It was new, and Saruhiko was afraid to make assumptions. 

All he knew was some instinct of his, some concealed part of him, wanted to be on the receiving end of that look forever.

Grasping things tightly, wanting to keep something for himself...

If it was a fool's decision, then he supposed he'd choose to be a fool.

--

When the bird stopped flying, there was a door. The Deja vu which set in was really too strong for Saruhiko's liking.

He let his hand drop Misaki's, glancing at the crappy looking thing which was barely hanging onto its hinges. He'd seen it before of course. It was not unlike the one back at the beginning of their journey, where the horrors had begun. It resonated that same, intimidating aura, like it was the only thing standing between them and peril. In fact, it was almost worse this time, a bit more ominous, yet there was a strange calm which enveloped them as they turned to the bird which had led them all this way.

The parrot sat perched on a rock, head tilted at them, angled towards the door.

This is it. The last trial.

There was an odd sense of peace, of unexpected familiarity as Saruhiko looked up at the top of the door, where naturally, there was an inscription once again, the characters shifting until they were understandable to the both of them.

'To fate.'

Yes, it was almost exactly like the first door.

This time though, neither of them hesitated, neither of them looked frightened or regretful. The flight instinct Saruhiko had felt way back at the first door was gone, and when he looked to Misaki's face, only resolve was there.

"We swear to attempt this journey together.”

He couldn't exactly go back on those words now could he?

With one final exchange between them, Saruhiko opened the door.

#sarumi #k project #adri writing

[words-are-like-colors]

Title: Tattooed To Misaki {4} “Why Should I Apologize? I Didn’t Really Mean to do Anything Wrong”

Originally Posted On: August 5, 2016

Word count: 

Rating: M

Relationship: M/M

Parts: 4/11

Tags: Fushimi Saruhiko/Yata Misaki, Suoh Mikoto/Totsuka Tatara, Fushimi Saruhiko, Yata Misaki, Mikoto Suoh, Tatara Totsuka, Tenkei Iwafune, Nagare Hisui, Tattoo, Saruhiko is a tattoo artist, AU, Misaki is part of Homra gang, Jungle, Fluff, Cathedral, Slowish Build

Summary for Chapter 4: Stuff goes down in this chapter. Sorry in advance for people who love Misaki’s happiness. [if you haven't realized, I'm not good at writing summaries.] This chapter is mostly in Saruhiko’s POV. Enjoy.

Notes: At the end due to spoilers. 

Fushimi didn't even turn around, knowing exactly who was at the door—it was the three regulars who were constantly demanding that he give them free stuff. The men always seemed to think that it was easy to pick on Fushimi, just like Hikawa did.

“Fushimi. We're back.”

“Go away.” He finished the transfer for the money and glanced at the men. “I've already told you no. Can't you just stop?”

Misaki had stopped spinning. “Oi! Who are you guys?” He jumped out of the chair, ready for a fight.

The men were impressively tall, taller than Fushimi. The one in the middle stepped forward, tilting his head. “Oh? You don't know us, punk?” He towered over Misaki, putting him in an impressive shadow, but the shorter man didn't even flinch.

Fushimi put his hand under his coat, his fingers closing around a few knives. “Get out! Now! I have no business for you.”

The other two faced the artist and smirked. “That doesn't mean we don’t have business for you.” Both men surged forward. Fushimi swiped his hand up out of his coat. Light glinted off of the three blades as they glided into the air and right into the left man’s arm. Fushimi was reaching to grab another knife when a hand closed around his throat. Shit. He desperately tried to pull the blade out before his hand was roughly grabbed and pinned next to his head. Fuck. His other hand was busy grasping at the hand around his neck, his nails digging into the flesh.

This was his nightmare. His nightmare were always the same thing.

One day, little 13 year old Fushimi had gotten pissed off at the world. He hadn’t known what he was doing, but he had destroyed some of his father’s most prized possessions. He had instantly regretted his actions and hid, but Niki had found out quickly. That was the angriest he has ever seen his father. Niki had always worn a smirk and acted quite cruelly, but he had never looked so livid—or beaten his son. When he found out, he had screamed himself hoarse at Fushimi and pinned him to the wall, rendering him useless while he ranted about how he was “worthless” and “just a monkey that always gets in the way.” The whole time he had been holding onto Fushimi’s throat, his grip getting tighter and tighter, not letting him take a single breath….

“Saruhiko!” A scream snapped him out of his daze. Luckily, the man holding his throat had also turned around to find the source of the noise. Fushimi took his chance and kicked his leg up. He hit the man right in the hip, knocking him off balance. The artist ripped the hand off of his neck and took a breath of air.

A red flame appeared behind the man, making him only a silhouette. Misaki lifted up his skateboard and hit the guy in the side of the head with a loud crack. The guy fell like a rock, revealing a fuming Misaki. His aura was on full force, lighting up the whole room. Misaki swore and kicked the guy in the head, as if to make sure he was knocked out.

Fushimi slowly sank to the floor. He didn't know why, but he was trembling. His heart beat wildly as if it was bursting out of his chest. Fuck.

Misaki killed his aura and dropped down next to Fushimi. “Hey? You okay? You’re shaking really badly.”

“No shit,” he spat, his eyes now wandering around the room, taking in the damage. The three guys laid unconscious on the ground. Eric was pulling out the knives from one of them. The whole place was now a mess.

“Yeah….” Misaki turned to look at Eric too. “Eric? Can you bring the guys outside? The floors are hardwood and they’ll be stained.”

“Alright. I can do that.” Eric started to drag them out.

Misaki turned his attention back to Fushimi. “Are you okay?” he asked again. “Did he hurt you?” He reached up and gently pulled down Fushimi’s collar a little to see if he was injured.

The artist slapped his hand away. “I'm fine.” He shakily stood up and walked over to the bloody knives.

“No. You're not. Come home with me,” Misaki said stubbornly. “Obviously, the guy holding you against the wall isn’t the whole problem. I don't think you should go home alone to—”

“I'm not a child Misaki. I don't need your coddling.” Fushimi rounded on him. “Got it?”

“I know you're not a child.”

“Then don't treat me like one. I can defend myself.”

“No you can't.”

Fushimi gripped his knives tightly in his hand. “Shut the fuck up. I can.” Knowing better than to keep holding them and accidentally hurt Misaki, he put them away.

“He could have crushed your throat and killed you just now. How about that? How do you think I'd feel if you died?” Misaki pointed to his chest.

Fushimi raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? You’d really care if I died? Why do you even care? Or a better question—why do you even like me?”

“No reason.” Misaki shrugged.

Fushimi took a step forward. “Liar.”

“I'm not a—”

“You're a liar. It's quite obvious that you like me. Do you really think that I'll like you back? You probably thought a lonely tattoo artist would be a perfect boyfriend. Well, you're wrong. Do you even think about what I might be feeling? Hell, do you even realize how annoying you are, bouncing off the walls at the mere whisper of my name? Do you think I want a boyfriend like that?” Fushimi let out a growl, now unable to stop whatever shit was coming of out of his mouth. “Do you really think that I liked that phone call last night? ‘I like the sound of you breathing.’ Yeah. I don’t want a boyfriend that thinks creepy stuff like that. You probably listened to your dad breathe and thought the same thing.”

Misaki’s eyes went wide. “FUCK YOU,” Misaki screamed, his aura flaming up again. “YOU KNOW NOTHING.” The normally cute, smiling face of Misaki was suddenly full of rage.

For some odd reason this made Fushimi smirk with glee, adrenaline back in his blood. “Oh? Try me.”

Misaki whipped his hand, creating a line of flame that lashed out at Fushimi. He ducked and threw a knife at him; it flew through the air, breaking the line of flame. Misaki kicked the knife into the air and caught it.

Fushimi’s heart was beating fast and hard. He was reaching for more knives when someone jumped between them. “Yata, stop. Fushimi, you stop as well.”

“Tch.” Fushimi didn't put his knives away but watched as Misaki’s aura died down.

“I'm leaving.” Misaki roughly pushed past Eric and walked out of the door, grabbing his skateboard off of the ground. Eric shot Fushimi a glare before following. They left the artist standing alone in the middle of the messed up shop.

Fushimi started to shake violently. What had just happened finally started sinking in as the adrenaline and excitement wore off. He had messed up. He had hurt Misaki. All of the memories that had resurfaced during the fight had shaken him up so badly that he had just snapped. All of it was a lie… just a lie meant to push Misaki away. He had hurt him so badly, and it was only to get him to leave Fushimi alone. And then to fight him, after saying all those awful things. He really looked like an asshole now--an asshole who doesn't give a single shit about anything or anyone.

“Shit,” Fushimi said aloud. “Shit,” he muttered again, collapsing to the ground. His chest heaved and he looked around. For the first time in his life he didn't know what to do. He reached for his PDA laying on the ground next to him and opened it up. He at least had to tell someone what had happened to the three men outside and get them taken care of.

He clicked on the JUNGLE app and it opened up. There was only one person he had contact with other than Misaki. It was Mikoto. He quickly sent a message.

King. Come to [address]. Don't let Misaki know.

He shoved the PDA into his pocket and sat there for a moment, catching his breath before standing up and heading over to a mirror to see if he really was hurt. He squinted at his reflection. No injury, that was good. A bruise was already starting to form on his neck, but it didn't look too serious.

Fushimi went to go clean up when he did a double take at the mirror. A familiar face was staring back at him. His father was staring back at him, his hair styled the same way as Fushimi’s. Niki smirked and fear tingled down Fushimi’s spine. “Fuck you,” he growled at the mirror, before he heard footsteps behind him. He whipped around to see Mikoto standing at the doorway, lazily smoking a cigarette.

“What you need?” Mikoto glanced around, someone else appearing behind him.

“What's up King?” A skinny boy stood next to him. His tan hair and earring glinted in the glare of the store lights.

Fushimi looked at both of them. He didn't really know what to say, so he just told them about the three men who had beat him up, leaving out the part about Misaki getting pissed.

Mikoto raised an eyebrow. “Is that it?”

“Yeah.”

“Someone got upset after the fight.” Mikoto leaned against the wall. “I can tell.”

Fushimi sat down in the discarded rolling chair. “Misaki and I got into a fight. It's nothing.”

The kid was looking around and picking stuff up as the other two talked. He perked up when he heard about the fight. “You guys got into a fight? What was it about?” The artist clamped his mouth shut. Nobody needed to know about what he had said and done. The kid seemed to understand, so he nodded. “You can tell us later. Everything will be alright.”

Mikoto had stepped outside.

Fushimi didn't know why he was sitting on the couch at Homra bar. Everything about last night was a mess. The fight, Mikoto coming over. He remembered that the kid—Tatara Totsuka was his name—had dragged him here, saying that he should rest up.

Totsuka had pushed him into the spare bedroom upstairs and told him to try to sleep. He assured Fushimi that he and Mikoto would clean up what had happened, and Fushimi had actually gotten sleep for once. He had woken up remembering a dream, (one he’d rather not talk about to preserve the little bit of pride that he had left) but it had been all about Misaki’s smiles and the smell and taste of his food.

So now Fushimi sat on the couch downstairs, the blanket he had dragged down wrapped about him, waiting for the two gang members to wake up.

“Fushimi? You down here?” The light voice of Totsuka sounded as he walked down the stairs. He hopped down the last two steps before walking into the bar area. “Oh. You're here.” Fushimi shrugged a little. The man smiled, seeming to not mind that the artist was seeing him in just his boxers and a four-sizes-too-big T-shirt. He turned and called up the stairs, “King, found him.”

A rough grunt came from above, making Totsuka laugh softly. “So…. Fushimi.”

“What?” He looked at him. Early rays of sunlight shone through the window, sending streaks across the ground and over Totsuka’s face.

“Do you want to talk about what happened last night?” He sat down next to him, pulling his knees up to his chest before slipped his T-shirt over his skinny legs to keep himself warm.

Fushimi frowned and pulled the blanket around him more. He didn't answer at first, then said quietly, “I got pissed off at him because I didn't want him taking care of me. I was fine the way I was.” The artist didn't look at the gang member, but being near him gave Fushimi an odd calming feeling so he kept talking. “I said some mean things to him. Asking why he even likes me and if he really thought that he could.”

Totsuka nodded. “By the looks of your shop and what you told us, I don't think it's your fault that you got mad at him. You were pretty shaken up. It's not like you could really think straight at the time.” He continued, “Is anything else bothering you?”

Fushimi glanced at him; Totsuka was looking at him like he could tell that something was wrong. This gang is messed up, he thought, considering the fact that 1- there was a little girl with them, 2- their leader was named King, 3- everyone seemed to be able to tell that Fushimi was hiding stuff from them, and 4- one of their members was much too cute (he blushed inwardly at the thought) and happy to be in a gang. It would be surprising if they had never been told they were weird. Once again he tried to hold back, but let what he was thinking spill. “I hate how I look. I also hate Niki.”

“How so?”

“I look like my father, Niki.”

“Oh….” Totsuka went quiet for a moment and said, “I don't know how to help you with that, but I think you should apologize to Yata.”

“Why should I apologize? I didn't really mean to do anything wrong,” Fushimi countered.

Totsuka sighed and sat back, letting his legs out of the shirt so that his feet landed on the floor. “I mean, you don't have to directly apologize to him. Maybe do something for him, or take him out for lunch or something. Just do something that he’ll like and he might forgive you. Some kind of an apology might work, even if it's only an ‘I'm sorry’. Yata isn't the kind of person who would stay mad unless you had hurt him really badly. From what you said, he’ll forgive you.” Fushimi looked at him doubtfully, so he added. “Everything will be alright. You guys’ll work things out.”

“Yeah….” Fushimi looked up to see Mikoto coming down the stairs. He was carrying a pair of pants and he tossed them in Totsuka’s lap when he passed them to get into the kitchen.  

Fushimi stood up. “I'm going to get going now.” He flew up the stairs before Totsuka could tell him to stay. He pulled on his knife harness and coat before heading back down, and was going to walk out the door when a hand clapped down on his shoulder.

“Where are you going?” the deep voice of Mikoto sounded over his shoulder.

Though the artist’s senses were telling him to run as far away from Mikoto as possible he stayed put, masking his fear and unease with a straight face. “To my apartment—”

Mikoto cut him off. “Totsuka, we’re taking Fushimi home.”

“—alone,” he mumbled as Totsuka bounded over, sliding his jacket on so that he looked halfway decent.

During the walk back to his apartment, Fushimi asked a question that had been bothering him since yesterday. “Mikoto?”

“Hm?”

“You messaged me on JUNGLE. Why?” Fushimi looked at him.

The stronger man shrugged. “Why not?”

Fushimi stopped walking, causing Totsuka to bump into him. “Could you at least answer this, the both of you? Why does everyone at Homra want Misaki to be with me?”

Mikoto took out a cigarette and lit it. “It's obvious.”

Totsuka smiled. “Yeah. It is kind of obvious. He likes you—shouldn't that be enough? If he wants this then we are going to encourage it. It's not like it's a bad thing. He's happy. And…” Totsuka’s smile fell a little bit. “He's been a little off lately. Yata hasn't been himself. Probably since… ” he paused, then continued, “... since I almost died.”

Fushimi looked at him, confused. He looked rather healthy, so he couldn't possibly of nearly died from illness unless it was something genetic. Mikoto spotted his confused look and clarified. “The Mari Shootings. You might of heard about it.”

Fushimi did remember it. Last year, a girl named Mari Isana had gone on a shooting spree, killing dozens of people. When the police found her, she had killed herself after proclaiming that she was the “Colorless King”. Afterwards, there was a video sent out that had spammed every PDA and TV in the city. The video was of the girl shooting a man who had just been trying to look at the stars. Later that night, a report went out talking about Mari. Apparently she was a mental patient who had been in the hospital her whole life due to some kind of illness.

“... You were the one in the video.” The artist connected the dots. “And she is Yashiro Isana’s sister.”

Totsuka shrugged a little. “Yeah. I was the one in the video. Thankfully, I lived but… it really hurt some people. Yata was the first one to get to me. I think it broke him a little.”

“But something good came out of it.” Mikoto exhaled some smoke and grabbed Totsuka’s hand with his free one. On both of their hands there were matching rings that shone in the sunlight.

“This didn’t come out of that. It was going to happen anyways.” Totsuka rolled his eyes and took his hand back. He glanced at Fushimi. “Engagement rings.”

Fushimi looked at the both of them. Mikoto’s cheeks reddened a little; he grabbed his fiancé’s hand and started to walk again. “Fushimi needs to get home.” He was clearly embarrassed but trying not to show it.

The evening light shown down on the skater and his friend. A light breeze skimmed over the air, making Yata’s hair move slightly in its wake.

Yata angrily sipped his juice box, crushing the box a little in his hand. He had been in a pissed-off mood ever since last night.

“Yata. Could you calm down a little?” Kamamoto sighed. “What's bothering you? You've been like this all day.”

“Nothing.” Yata let out a huff and tossed the empty box into the trash can. “I'm fine.” He dropped his skateboard and hopped on it.

The fatty frowned. “Oh, come on.”

“I'm perfectly fine,” he said again, kicking off the ground a few times to get into a walking pace.

Kamamoto walked next to him. “Why don't we see that friend of yours?”

“He's not my friend.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“We got into a fight, okay? I'm fine, so stop asking. I don't want to see him anymore.” Yata kicked off the ground again, putting space between him and Kamamoto.

Kamamoto frowned, but kept following him. “Well…. you like video games, so do you want to go to your place and play some? Would that help?”

The skater thought for a moment but shook his head no. “I need to find a new job.”

After some silence, Kamamoto said, “There's a coffee shop that just opened. It's an Internet café so it's always open and probably looking for some jobs.”

“Take me there.”

Kamamoto lead Yata to the café. “You want me to leave?”

“If you want.” Yata picked up his skateboard and headed inside. He glanced around. The place was mostly quiet and didn't look half bad. The front of the café looked like a regular coffee shop, but instead of talking amongst themselves, most of the people were minding their own business on newspapers and laptops. The back room had a few rows of computers. “This isn't bad,” muttered Yata as he headed to the front counter.

A man stood behind the counter, scowling at the coffee machine. Yata watched him for a second before saying a soft “excuse me.” The man noticed that he was at the counter and walked over. “Hello. What can I get you?”

“I was just wondering if you guys had any jobs open.”

The man grinned. “Yeah. I have some papers—” he bent down and grabbed some from under the counter— “right here. Just sign and you’ll be ready.”

Yata looked at him in surprise. “You don't need background checks or anything?”

“There are only a few people working here so every person helps. You want a background check?” He leaned on the counter.

“No, sir.” Yata grabbed a pen and, sitting down at one of the desks, started to fill out the paperwork.

Halfway through, his PDAWatch buzzed. “What do you want?” he asked under his breath, and glanced at the name. Saruhiko. “Nope.” He swiped away the text without even reading it and went back to the paperwork.

His PDAWatch buzzed again. Another text from Saruhiko popped up. Yata glared at the watch for a moment before looking at the messages.

Meet me at Homra at 11:00am.

Or I'll get you myself.

Yata ignored the texts.

Yata didn't go to the bar the next day. He didn't want to see Saruhiko, yet he still wanted to know what the texts meant.

A sudden knocking made the skater jump. He glanced at the time and saw that it was noon. He flipped off the door and picked up his game controller. He didn't need this guy’s bullshit. Obviously he didn't give two shits about Yata or his feelings.

“Mi~sa~ki. I know you're in there.”

“Stalker!” Yata yelled at the door.

“You know your door is unlocked,” the voice on the other side of the door said bluntly.

“No it isn—” The door swung open to reveal a smirking Saru. “Get out of my house!” Yata leapt to his feet and grabbed the baseball bat from next to the couch.

“I'm not in it,” he said shortly again, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Saruhiko was, in fact, not in his house, just standing right outside of it. Yata rolled his eyes. “Just leave me alone, okay? I don't want to see you anymore.”

“Well, I wanted to see you.” Yata watched as pink spread across his cheeks. “And I'm gonna take you somewhere.”

Yata was suddenly interested, his hands now loose on the bat. “Where?”

“You wanted to do to the JUNGLE party, so we’re going to go.”

The bat hit the floor as Yata’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really?” All traces of his past grudge seemed to disappear. “But it isn't until like a week or so.”

“Doesn't mean we can't get ready.” The taller man scratched the back of his neck embarrassedly.

Yata smiled brightly. “Thank you Saru!”

“I'm not doing this for you,” Saru mumbled.

Yata didn't care. He quickly grabbed his jacket from the coat rack and slipped his shoes on before bouncing out of the house and locking the door.

Notes: Hello! I can tell that you all are wondering who Mari is. No, she is not an OC or an made up character (kinda). If you remember in episode 2, Shiro lies to Koruh that he has a sister named Mari Isana that has been hospitalized for her whole life due to illness. Ok. Yes she isn't a real character in [K] but I didn't want to get into the mess with the Colorless King so I remembered that he had a “sister” and I decided to play on that since they could’ve looked alike if she was real. This is not a fanfic that goes on the same plot as the manga/anime but I'm incorporating events/facts that happened in the real [K]. Also, sorry for people who don't ship Mikototsu. I'm not going to put too much of them together into this because I know not a lot of people ship it. Mikototsu is happy but very sad concerning that he died in the anime.

#fanfic: mine #k project #sarumi #mikototsu #Tattooed To Misaki #Tattooed Series

[ridiasfangirlings]

Hi! I saw the ask thing a mijig of Yata being a dangerous strain, and he could tell people what to do, and I got to thinking, what if when Yata's mom was pregnant she'd gotten sick and almost miscarried Misaki but the Slate basically reacted to this and brought Misaki basically back to life and so that was when he was born but as a result of this he's a dangerous strain (I like that idea for some reason) and his entire body is just rotting from the inside out as he grows up, and his parents are really abus8ve because they think he's a monster cuz of this condition?

This kinda gives me Made in Abyss vibes, with baby Yata dying but the power of the Slate brings him back. Wait, what if one of Kagutsu’s clansmen was actually Yata’s bio-dad, when he joined the clan Yata’s mom was pregnant and since Kagutsu’s trial involves burning the thing that’s most important it like caused baby Yata to die in utero (I think it was Orange who made a joke on Twitter that if Fushimi Niki became Kagutsu’s clansman Fushimi Saruhiko would explode, I’m pretty sure that was a joke but let’s run with it anyway). However because of the connection to the Slate Yata was revived in a way similar to Hisui, where his survival depends on the existence of the Slate and its energy, but rather than being a King Yata becomes a Strain instead.

At first he seems like a normal baby and Yata’s mom is relieved but wary, like all the doctors are amazed because they were sure her baby was dead but here he is alive and well. But then strange things start happening, like when Yata cries the whole house shakes. I like the idea that Yata has no idea he’s a Strain or that he has these powers, at least not for a long time, so at some point he probably internalizes the idea that he’s just cursed somehow. Terrible things happen around him that he can’t control and he doesn’t know why, he doesn’t mean to hurt anyone. His dad disappears one day and never comes back and then his mom remarries and at first it’s fine, even though Yata still tries not to see the look of fear in his mom’s eyes when she glances at him. Then one day Yata sneaks into baby Minoru’s room to see his baby brother and the crib starts to shake violently. Minoru starts to wail and Yata reaches over to pick him up, wanting to protect him, but then his mom runs in and just slaps Yata’s hand away as she scoops up the baby. After this Yata’s family doesn’t even pretend that they’re not afraid of him and in this AU I imagine Yata feeling even more like an outcast than he did in canon.

Then he meets Fushimi and for once he feels like someone actually understands. Maybe the first time Yata’s powers manifest in front of Fushimi rather than being afraid Fushimi’s intrigued, and rather than thinking Yata is cursed Fushimi just snorts and says that curses aren’t real. Yata’s a little incredulous, like okay curses don’t exist but superpowers do? Fushimi then tells him about rumors on the internet, that playing jungle can give you powers, but here Yata already has them and is there a world beyond this small useless one they live in. Yata’s excited to realize that maybe he isn’t dangerous, maybe he’s just powerful, but at the same time the whole thing is terrifying because Saruhiko’s become so important to him and what if one day Yata accidentally hurts him.

When they join Homra is when Yata finally learns that he’s a Strain. Kusanagi is concerned when he hears Yata’s story about how his mom said he died in utero and Mikoto says Yata has a weird ‘feel’ to him, which leads to them actually taking Yata to Kokujouji for help. That’s when they discover that the power of the Slate revived Yata but it’s also rotting him from the inside, the more he uses his powers the more unstable he becomes, much like a King. Having the Red power helps mitigate this some, because Yata can learn to use Homra’s power rather than his own, but it’s still only a matter of time. Yata’s scared but also so proud of being in the Red clan now, it’s like he’s being protected by Mikoto himself (and meanwhile Fushimi hears this and begins to wonder, what will happen to Yata when Mikoto’s Sword inevitably falls, and maybe when he defects to S4 it’s not just out of his own issues but also deciding that the only way to save Misaki is to find a way to make someone not a Strain and he can’t learn that in Homra).

#Yata Misaki #Talking K #okay this is interesting to think about #Yata who's internalized that he's cursed and then learns he has powers #and only Saruhiko supports him #but then he meets Mikoto and suddenly things seem better even though his life is in danger #but then Saruhiko leaves bc Fushimi wants to find a way to destroy the Slate and save Misaki

[ridiasfangirlings]

I've sent before an ask about how Yata would feel realizing why Fushimi left Homra but I wanna know the opposite: how would Fushimi feel understanding that one of the reasons why Yata liked Homra was because the clan saved them before especially Fushimi who Yata was worried about in that event.

In particular I think it would be interesting for Fushimi to learn how much of Yata’s hero worship of Mikoto started specifically because Mikoto was the one who saved Saruhiko and this was the most important thing in the world to him, especially since Fushimi himself I think takes it as a sign of failure that he even needed to be saved at all and that basically because he failed and had to be saved Yata became more interested in someone else. Like imagine post-series and they’re hashing out the whole betrayal issue, and Fushimi is probably getting all bitter and talking about things that he thinks happened while Yata’s so confused and lost because none of this is how he saw things. Like Fushimi talks about how Yata had a new hero and didn’t ‘need’ him anymore and Yata’s just like is that really what you thought.

Fushimi’s like isn’t that what happened though and Yata calls him an idiot, like why did you think Mikoto was my hero. Fushimi snorts that it’s because Yata’s drawn to that kind of person and anyway Mikoto didn’t even need to try to surpass Fushimi, just by being a King he succeeded where Fushimi was useless. Yata shakes his head and is like he was my hero because he saved your life you dumbass. Yata says that at the time he thought Fushimi really was going to die and he was despairing, upset that he couldn’t do anything and couldn’t save his most precious person…and then Mikoto appeared, and did what Yata couldn’t. Yes Yata thought Mikoto was cool and strong and someone Yata wanted to become like, but that was because Mikoto saved the thing that was most important to Yata, the thing he was too weak to save by himself. The reason Mikoto became the person who ‘saved’ Yata is precisely because he saved Fushimi first, because if Fushimi had died that day Yata says he wouldn’t have ever been able to recover from that loss. 

I also like the idea that in this discussion Yata also brings up the Homra mark and that ‘this mark is our pride’ comment, Fushimi thinking Yata hates seeing the burn mark because it mocks his precious Homra. And then Yata’s like see there you go again assuming stuff, yeah this mark was given to me by Mikoto-san and I’m proud of it but that’s not the only thing that made me proud. Yata tells Fushimi that when they were together in Homra sometimes he felt like he could feel Fushimi’s heart beating alongside his, like they were connected through this mark. To Yata the mark is important because it was given to him by Mikoto but also because it was in the same place as Fushimi’s mark — Kusanagi said that never happened before and it made Yata feel like this mark was special, like it was their bond as partners in a physical form. Fushimi finds himself reaching up to scratch and Yata grabs his arm as he says that even now the mark is still his pride, because it’s something that connects the two of them and even if it’s painful Yata’s glad he finally got to say it out loud to Fushimi in a way that even an idiot can understand. 

#sarumi #Talking K #Fushimi having to realize that he was the one assuming things the most all along #doubting Yata's sincere love for him #not realizing that all this time Homra was so important to Yata bc it made him strong enough to protect Saruhiko #that Mikoto was so important bc he saved Fushimi first of all #Fushimi never stopped being important to Yata and he needs to realize it

[ridiasfangirlings]

Yata always visits Mikoto and Totsuka's graves. He talks to them, and he knows he'll never get an answer back, but it's his closest thing to closure after everything went down with Homra. Sometimes, he'll talk about mundane things. Other times, he'll admit how much their deaths kind of fucked him up.

Each time, unbeknownst to him, Saruhiko is nearby listening. What happens when, one day, he talks to them about Saruhiko?

I imagine this starts right after S1, when Yata’s in a more vulnerable position, and then he just keeps it up. Like he knows Mikoto and Totsuka aren’t even buried where their graves are — Mikoto burned Totsuka’s body and I imagine Kusanagi doing the same with Mikoto’s — but still, it’s a way for Yata to feel like he’s closer to them. The first time he visits is right when Homra’s disbanded and Kusanagi is already gone, Yata is skating idly around and passes their graves and finds himself going over there and just falling to his knees, shouting out all his frustration at his place to belong shattering and why did they have to leave him like this.

Fushimi finds out about it around this time. He spots Yata skating around one day pre-MK and decides to follow (not because he cares or anything, he’s not worried by how thin and lethargic Yata looks, he just wants to be sure no one else messes with Misaki that’s all). When he sees Yata going to the cemetery Fushimi hesitates for a only a moment before following, keeping himself hidden behind a tree. He hears Yata talking and is confused for a moment before realizing whose graves Yata is talking to. He mutters ‘how stupid,’ like what a pointless exercise talking to a pair of graves,  but even so he doesn’t move until Yata’s ready to leave. 

After this Fushimi finds himself occasionally hanging around the cemetery, keeping an eye on Yata whenever Yata shows up there. At first he just tells himself this is more surveillance, keeping an eye on the enemy, and it doesn’t hurt him at all, hearing Yata’s strained voice as Yata talks to them. After MK things change — Fushimi still quietly listens, out of sight, but Yata’s demeanor changes. Imagine Fushimi hearing Yata admit that he never understood Mikoto and that he wants to change, so he can finally understand….that guy, and Fushimi acts as if he has no idea who Yata’s referring to. Yata talks about mundane things too, how everyone’s doing and funny things that happened at the bar, for him it’s become something of a comforting ritual to tell Mikoto and Totsuka about what’s been going on in his life. 

And of course one day post-ROK Fushimi ends up following Yata again, and hears about himself. He’d planned to stop following Yata to the cemetery, they’ve reconciled after all and he doesn’t want to do anything that would break that slowly reforging bond between them. But he sees Yata go into the cemetery and finds himself following, sitting behind the normal tree, and he gets to hear Yata’s voice say “and you know, about Saruhiko…”. Fushimi stiffens as Yata laughs softly and says he’s been avoiding talking about Saruhiko but he has to tell someone. He says that they’ve made up and Yata’s so happy, like he wishes Mikoto and Totsuka could be here too and see how well things are going between them now. Yata knows that they’ve both made mistakes but they’re getting better, they’re starting to understand each other and…and Yata might be in love with him, maybe he always was. 

Fushimi freezes, not even realizing the way he’s held his breath, listening as Yata talks about how amazing he is, all the stuff that Yata loves about him, how Yata was so worried all the time when Fushimi was gone and how Yata realizes that he never did hate Saruhiko, he could never really hate Saruhiko. Yata wants to confess to Fushimi but he’s worried about it so he decided to tell them first, just to get it off his chest, like “Wish me luck, Mikoto-san, Totsuka-san!”. Fushimi quickly slinks away, still finding it hard to breathe and his heart pounding and not sure what to do next (and maybe he goes back after Yata’s left and finds himself staring at the graves, wanting to speak and then turning away, because Misaki wants to talk to him and suddenly Fushimi can’t wait to see him). 

#Sarumi #Talking K #l could see Yata doing this #at first just to like vent and grieve and be upset #but then it becomes more of a comforting ritual #like he's talking to old friends #Fushimi doesn't know how to admit he's been listening in bc he's worried Yata will be mad #when Yata finds out he makes Fushimi go and apologize to Mikoto-san and Totsuka-san for eavesdropping

[ridiasfangirlings]

Inspired by the recent ask , can we have something about burden of killing a king on Fushimi in more details ? ( the one where he kills mikoto )

Continuing with this ask, I think Fushimi would just continue to be a mess about this one for a while. As far as the burden of the physical action he's mostly fine, both arms intact and since he's not a King himself there's no worry about a second Damocles Down like what happened with Munakata either. I do like to think that there would be some physical consequences though, especially since technically the King power is such that it should be able to turn back something as simple as a sword thrust even if the King himself was willing to be stabbed. Maybe Fushimi just ends up with a lot of physical scars from what happened (I went with this idea in that one fic I wrote where Fushimi had to kill Munakata, the idea that he has scars all over his arms afterward) and of course Fushimi being Fushimi he is constantly picking at each and every one of them, not allowing them to close or to heal because he figures this is the sort of thing he deserves, more scars that don't fade.

Obviously this would affect his mental state a lot too and I imagine Munakata in particular trying to do what he can to ease that burden, still feeling the sting of his own failure in that sense because he had to let his own clansman do the duty that should have fallen on him. Fushimi likely wouldn't be very open to Munakata's efforts though, I think he would just be very focused on taking all the blame for Suoh Mikoto's death even as he tries to convince himself that this is what he wanted, that he hated Mikoto anyway and that this was almost a good thing for him that he actually got to kill that guy. Really though I could see Fushimi just having nightmares about the whole thing, recalling again and again what it was like having to be the one who ran Mikoto through, and basically doing his level best to deal by refusing to let himself actually deal with any of the emotions that keep threatening to overwhelm him because that's how Fushimi basically handles anything that requires him to confront his own feelings.

From an outside standpoint it would be interesting to see how Fushimi's viewed too in that sense, like obviously characters like Yata, Kusanagi and Anna are going to have more complicated feelings about this but I wonder if Fushimi would even find himself targeted by the Homra rank and file afterward for being 'the man who killed Mikoto-san.' On the jungle end he probably would be worth even more points and when he later joins them Sukuna is quick to point out to Hisui that this is the guy who killed a King and can they really trust him. Fushimi just leans into that again though, grinning and saying that's right, he did kill a King, and Sukuna's even more distrustful towards him – especially knowing that Fushimi was once in Homra, like now not only has he betrayed two Kings but he's killed one too. Hisui would probably be more chill about it though, like if Fushimi wants to try and kill him he's welcome to try, that's part of the game too after all. (And then imagine at the end of ROK when Anna's summoning all her power it's Fushimi who sees that vision of Mikoto, smiling at him and telling him he's fine just the way he is, and Fushimi just looks away and mutters that he won't apologize for it, and Mikoto's not forgiven for it either).

#Fushimi Saruhiko #Talking K #yeah Saru doesn't deal with this at all #basically he refuses to admit that he's feeling bad about it bc that requires emotional honesty and the ability to handle trauma #none of which he is equipped to do #I feel like he might even be more willing to die in jungle feeling like this evens things out #and then he's even more shocked when Yata shows up to save him knowing what Fushimi did #and Yata tells Fushimi that he understands now that Fushimi only did what Mikoto wanted and he doesn't deserve that blame #also sudden idle wonder if Zenjou would try to talk to him about this or if he would just leave things be #I imagine Munakata would ask Zenjou about it at least

[ridiasfangirlings]

We know that there's two way to kill a king, 1. Killed by fellow kings (Mikoto, Iwa-san?), 2. Willingly killed by his subordinate (Habari Jin), by that probably means allow himself to be killed by his own aura. On Mikoto's case, there's no clansmen who was willing to kill Mikoto and maybe they are content to die along with his king, but Fushimi still can use his red aura, he's already labeled as traitor, and he more or less understand that second Kagutsu Crater incident will be very very bad. So what if he killed Mikoto (and Mikoto accepted it) with red aura so Munakata did not receive burden of killing kings? How will this change his relationship with Yata, Kusanagi, and Munakata?

Ooh, this would be interesting (and traumatizing!). Maybe in this AU Fushimi and Yata don't evacuate with everyone else and keep on fighting instead, and Colorless manages to get out of Shiro's grasp long enough to attack Munakata and knock him out before he can kill Mikoto. So now Mikoto's got an unstable Sword that's going to fall at any time and he needs someone to kill him. He walks back to the main Ashinaka campus dragging Munakata, complaining at him for falling asleep at the worst time, and that's when he comes upon Fushimi alone. Yata's already run off, like when Mikoto killed Colorless it could be seen from far enough away that it actually got Yata and Fushimi to stop fighting and Yata ran into the woods to go find Mikoto. Fushimi realizes that they must have passed each other and that means Misaki is still in the line of fire if Mikoto's Sword falls. Mikoto sets Munakata down in front of Fushimi and tells Fushimi to get out of here, his King will take care of this once he wakes up.

Fushimi realizes though that Munakata killing Mikoto won't be without consequence and he bitterly grips his sword as he's like you're really the worst you know, making other people take care of your problems. Mikoto just accepts that with a nod and Fushimi stands, holding up his sword as he complains about how pointless this is. Mikoto realizes what Fushimi intends to do and he just sighs like you think you can do it. Fushimi says of course he can, trying to disguise the way his hands and voice are shaking. Mikoto shakes his head because he really didn't want this, it isn't Fushimi's burden to bear, but there's not much other choice either. He holds open his arms and tells Fushimi to go ahead already. Fushimi's just shaking obviously now, anger and irritation and fear and maybe this tinge of regret and finally he manages to move forward, stabbing Mikoto right through the chest (and as Mikoto falls he still apologizes to Anna but maybe he apologizes to Fushimi too, that this final and worst duty had to fall to him).

Fushimi's just sitting there in the aftermath, staring down at Mikoto's dead body and holding his bloody sword and he's probably at least somewhat roughed up himself, I imagine that since killing a King is so difficult normally even in cases where he's accepting it that probably isn't without consequences for the person who does the deed. Maybe Munakata wakes up shortly after and he realizes at one glance what Fushimi's done, his face softening in worry as he puts a hand on Fushimi's shoulder. Fushimi's too shell-shocked to brush him off and that's when Yata finally shows up, just in time to see that Mikoto's lying there dead and Saruhiko is covered in blood and even Yata realizes what must have happened. I feel like Yata would react emotionally to this first and in a bad way, like he's not quite in the headspace to realize that Fushimi only did what he had to and instead Yata's just yelling 'how could you, you traitor' before he can even stop to think. Fushimi's head lolls back at the sound of Yata's voice, just giving this crooked broken smile like that's right Misaki, keep looking at me with those eyes, right before he finally passes out in Munakata's arms.

In the aftermath this would definitely make things tense, Munakata probably feeling like he somewhat failed as a King by making Fushimi bear this burden while Yata's still dealing with all the tangled emotions of knowing his hero was killed by his best friend. Kusanagi I think would have mixed feelings himself, like he knows that this is what Mikoto wanted and in a distant way he's concerned about Fushimi's well being in all of this but at the same time he's got his own pain and grief and he doesn't really have space to worry about anyone else. I feel like Anna might take Fushimi's role in this a little lighter, in a way, than she did with Munakata, like I can't really see her doing the 'I won't hate you but I won't thank you for it' line to him because she knows very well how poorly Fushimi is taking all this. I think Fushimi would definitely be trying to paint himself as having wanted to kill Mikoto, like gosh it was just so pathetic he let me stab him, using that to try and rile Misaki up and also mask his own real feelings about the whole thing. Yata at first falls for it too, so angry that Fushimi could do this, but then eventually realizing that he didn't understand Mikoto and that this is what Mikoto wanted, and that by blaming Fushimi he's really just pushing off all his own feelings of being powerless on someone who had no choice in things either.

#Fushimi Saruhiko #Talking K #mmm Fushimi angst good yes #I like this :3c #imagine all the pain and torment #Fushimi would definitely not be willing to admit he did this to save Munakata from having to do it #or that he was worried about Misaki being killed in the Damocles Down #trying to act like he's glad he killed Mikoto but really he isn't at all #and deep down he knows it and is confused by it #telling himself it's not like Mikoto cared about him but remembering that apology

[ridiasfangirlings]

Just read your post about Anna having traits of Totsuka and how Saru hadn't mourn Totsuka yet, so, what about Saru finally mourning him!? Or at least "closing" that topic!? Like, for example, say it's Post-Rok, Sarumi is living together, and the anniversary of Totsuka's death they do something at HOMRA, remembering the good times or something; Misaki asks Saru to go with him, but he says no bc it feels uncomfortable when it looks like such a Homra personal thing+Saru still haven't really stop to really think that Totsuka is dead and what that means or makes him feel. In the anime we see his eyes shaking when he realizes Totsuka's death is true so we know at least it affects him in some level! So say, Misaki comes back home, and well, basically they end up having this talk about Totsuka and remembering good times between the 3 of them (I guess Misaki would do most of the talk, but yeah) and Saru is finally able to admit (to Misaki or to himself) that he did care about Totsuka, and that he does miss him to some level but he will always remember the good times, no matter how weird the guy was

Ps: I love all your posts, you're one of the only active K blogs and I enjoy your content so much!!! Thank you for your work😍😍😍

Does this involve Fushimi crying because I would like it to involve crying *^* So say post-ROK it's getting close to the anniversary of Totsuka's death again. Homra of course is intending to have a small memorial to mark the occasion, like I could definitely see every year them having this small memorial celebration (probably for both Mikoto and Totsuka), watching old videos and trading stories and just trying to keep those old memories alive. Yata and Fushimi are living together and Yata suggests that Fushimi come with him, since Fushimi knew Totsuka and Mikoto too and it might be nice to look back on old times. Fushimi curls his lip and says he isn't interested in looking back on those days, since it's not like there's a lot of happy memories for him involving Homra. Yata understands but he still thinks Fushimi should come along, like Yata knows now that Fushimi struggled in Homra but he also feels like there were definitely some fun times even if Fushimi denies it and besides, wasn't Totsuka his friend too. Fushimi clicks his tongue and tells Yata to go on without him.

Yata's a little disappointed that Fushimi didn't seem to care about Totsuka and he's uncharacteristically subdued when he gets to Homra. Everyone assumes he's just thinking about Totsuka and Mikoto and it's bringing his mood down but Kusanagi decides to ask him if he's doing all right. Yata admits that he invited Fushimi along and he really wishes Fushimi would have come, the idea that Fushimi really didn't care about Totsuka is kinda upsetting. Kusanagi looks thoughtful and asks if Yata really thinks what Fushimi was saying is completely what his feelings were. Yata's confused about that and Kusanagi tells him to think about it, if Fushimi felt out of place in Homra how might he feel even now spending the evening mourning with a bunch of people who he probably doesn't feel he belongs with. Yata realizes that Fushimi likely refused less out of a dislike for Totsuka and more that he didn't think he'd be welcome. Yata shakes his head like that idiot, he still can't be honest for anything. Yata decides to head back to talk to Fushimi, thanking Kusanagi and leaving the bar.

When he gets back to the apartment the lights are off and Fushimi's just sitting in the dark at his computer. He doesn't notice Yata walking in at first and so Yata's able to hear some of what Fushimi's watching, he's surprised when he realizes that Fushimi's watching the video of Colorless killing Totsuka. Yata quietly says that's a weird thing to want to watch tonight isn't it, Fushimi's starts in surprise and then clicks his tongue and closes the computer. Yata sits next to him and says Fushimi could have just honestly told Yata that he didn't feel comfortable in Homra. Fushimi says it's not that... well, not only that. He quietly admits that he doesn't have the right, does he, to mourn Totsuka after all this time.

Yata gives him a light knock on the head and calls him an idiot again, you don't need someone to give you permission to mourn. Fushimi says Totsuka was such an irritating person anyway and Yata gives him a fond look as he says we had some good times though right. Fushimi doesn't respond and Yata starts reminiscing a little, like the time they went to the beach and Totsuka brought along water guns and managed to get the drop on Mikoto with a water balloon. Fushimi gives the smallest smile at that and Yata feels encouraged, bringing up other memories about Totsuka and the fun they had. Finally Fushimi gives this soft '...he broke into the stables with Anna one day too.' Yata looks up at him and Fushimi has this sad smile as he talks about the time he found Totsuka and Anna visiting Basashi, and how afterward Totsuka asked Fushimi 'why did you choose this path,' that even though Fushimi had left Homra Totsuka was still trying to get him to admit his true feelings to Yata and make up with him. Fushimi murmurs that Totsuka was always like that, sticking his nose into things, and even though his words are harsh there's a slight hitch in his voice and even in the dark Yata can tell that his eyes are trembling. Yata puts an arm around him and says that he misses Totsuka but he's glad they at least have memories, like it's true when people say someone's never really gone as long as you remember them. Fushimi sniffles quietly, wiping a hand over his eyes as he mutters about allergies and bad air and Yata just sits there next to him like yeah I know, allergies right.

#Fushimi Saruhiko #Talking K #yes *^* #Saru you miss him admit it #I could see him feeling like he has no right to attend any kind of memorial #but he does truly feel sad that Totsuka's gone #and Yata gets him to admit it and come to terms with things a bit #in a way he wasn't able to while everything was happening before

[ridiasfangirlings]

Angst it is :D So imagine no powers AU where Fushimi and Yata just join normal gang Homra, Yata's still got major hero worship for Mikoto because Mikoto's this super cool gang leader and a strong fighter and basically everything Yata thinks a hero should be. Fushimi meanwhile knows he doesn't fit in from the start (and in this AU I could see him being more reluctant to join Homra and likely doing so largely because Yata does, in canon we know he wants powers so that he can become stronger but I feel like in world without powers he would be less interested in joining Homra because the only 'strength' that's gained is the strength of numbers and Fushimi isn't interested in that at all, in a place where he's still just as weak as before and it's only reputation and his fellow gang members that bring him any strength at all). He only manages to stay in the gang as long as he does for Yata's sake and finally he decides to just leave and cut ties from Yata completely. Maybe local politician Munakata convinces Fushimi to join his special police force which just so happens to deal with gangs like Homra and Yata can't believe that Fushimi's betraying Homra that way, Fushimi scoffs because of course that's all Yata's worried about, betraying 'Homra.'

The two of them still tend to fight when they run into each other but it's more verbal than anything, since they don't have powers in this AU I see it as more arguing with each other and Fushimi like verbally twisting the knife about what a useless gang Yata's joined. Yata doesn't understand why Fushimi hates Homra so much and why Fushimi left him, like to Yata nothing changed when they joined Homra so why did things change for Fushimi. Yata's determined to understand what happened and it's during one of these fights that Yata gets injured, like imagine Yata asking Fushimi again why he left and Fushimi refuses to say, trying to walk away. Yata grabs him by the arm all 'don't walk away from me, monkey,' determined not to let Fushimi escape so easily. Fushimi jerks his hand away, snapping at Yata not to touch him as he kinda shoves Yata back. As it happens they're standing at the top of some steps and when Yata stumbles back he loses his footing, tumbling down the stairs (and he can't be sure, with the world spinning around him, but Yata almost thinks he hears Saruhiko yelling his name, and that the last thing he sees before everything goes dark is Saruhiko's hand reaching for him).

Yata wakes up in a hospital bed, all on his own. He gets up, wondering where he is and what happened, walking out the door where a bunch of the Homra guys are all scattered around the waiting room. Yata asks what they're all doing here and no one replies, Yata's about to ask again when Kusanagi walks in with Mikoto saying something about '...they don't know when Yata will wake up.' Yata's like I did wake up I'm fine but they don't even acknowledge him, Yata turns to look back into the room and there's his body still lying in the bed, bandages over his head and hooked up to machines, unconscious. Yata has a small freakout about this, like for a moment he thinks that his body died and he's a ghost but then he realizes that the heart monitor is still beating. He can't seem to get back into his body though and he doesn't know what to do, apparently it's been nearly a week since he was injured and his body hasn't moved at all in that time. He kinda paces around the room for a while, not sure what to do and trying to remember what happened. He suddenly recalls that Fushimi was the one who accidentally pushed him and he realizes that Fushimi isn't here either. Part of him is upset that Fushimi couldn't even visit him in the hospital but that's overridden by the part of him that's worried about Saruhiko so he decides to go find Fushimi.

Yata knows that Fushimi's living by himself in an apartment now and he kinda hovers his way to Fushimi's workplace to try and find the address. He's even more worried when he sees that Fushimi isn't at work, Fushimi's coworkers are all talking amongst themselves wondering if Fushimi's sick because he's called off the last few days. They discuss sending someone to check on him while Yata's just floating around all agitated yelling at them to tell him Saruhiko's address already. Finally someone mentions where Fushimi lives and immediately Yata's off to find him. He floats right through the door, thinking that hey maybe this ghost thing isn't all bad and then he just stops and stares because Fushimi's apartment is a total mess, like it's clear that Fushimi hasn't cleaned this place in an age. Yata's all I knew that idiot couldn't take care of himself as he looks around for Fushimi.

He finds Fushimi sitting under a blanket just idly scrolling on his computer, not really looking at anything or even seeming to pay much attention to what he's doing. His phone rings, a coworker, but he doesn't answer and Yata can tell that he looks awful, like he's paler than usual and his eyes are kinda sunken. Yata's all worried, asking him when he last ate and have you slept at all but of course Fushimi can't hear him. Yata knows he probably needs to go back to his body at some point but he's too worried, he doesn't want to leave Fushimi until he knows that Fushimi's going to take care of himself. Yata keeps hovering around the apartment trying to make himself heard but nothing works, he can only watch as Fushimi sits there not eating and not sleeping and Yata doesn't know what he can do to fix this.

It's already past midnight when Fushimi just kinda falls back into bed, half passed out and just staring up at the ceiling. Yata hovers over him and leans on the pillow, reaching out for Fushimi as he murmurs 'what can I do to make you believe this isn't your fault?'. Fushimi turns blurry eyes on him and murmurs 'it is my fault,' putting a hand over his face. Yata immediately almost jumps up as he's like wait you can hear me. Fushimi tells him to shut up, he's not Misaki and Fushimi doesn't need his own mind to make up a Misaki for him, he's not so weak. Yata insists that he is really himself, like come on Saruhiko you know it's me I'm here to tell you to stop being an idiot and eat something. Fushimi's still lying there with a hand over his face as he mumbles out 'You're not Misaki. Misaki would have gone there first.'

Yata's confused like gone where and Fushimi finally looks at him, eyes bright and feverish even as his voice is ice cold saying 'Homra.' Yata's shocked by that, like what the hell makes you think I'd go there huh. Fushimi blearily mumbles that of course Yata would go there, the place he chose over Fushimi, the people he chose over Fushimi. Yata's like wait is that what you really thought all this time and Fushimi's like half delirious as he starts admitting everything he's hidden all this time, how he felt his place was taken away, how of course Yata chose Homra over him because why wouldn't he, how Fushimi thought for sure they were going to break apart so he broke it first, and Yata's just watching him wide-eyed and upset that he never knew any of this until now (and then maybe Fushimi throws up and passes out and now Yata's really worried, because Fushimi needs help and there’s no one around so the only thing he can do is rush back to his body, trying to make himself wake up because he needs to save Saruhiko).

#sarumi #Talking K #mmm angst #actually this could probably work in canon too #maybe like after a fight when they're supposed to be walking away and Fushimi pushes Yata #though in that case it might need to be more off a roof than just steps :P #imagine Fushimi admitting everything and Yata's shocked #and then he runs back to his body and is like dragging at his own arms and jumping up and down on himself #like come on stupid wake up saruhiko needs us

[ridiasfangirlings]

What if instead of Fushimi joining Scepter 4 during LSW, he gets like kidnapped and threatened into joining JUNGLE. And so he seemingly disappears until ROK. The story of K progresses as normal, but Yata is always looking for leads on what could have happened to his friend. What would the reaction be when they finally see each again, and what do you think in general of this AU? (Sorry for such a long ask!)

I have a soft spot for Green!Fushimi AUs actually (cause, you know....angst potential *^*). Like say during LSW Munakata still attempts to come and intervene when Fushimi talks to Hisui but he ends up being a few minutes too late, arriving to find an empty apartment with only Fushimi's broken PDA lying there by the bed. Munakata's expression grows serious as he takes in the scene and then nods and steps outside, where Mikoto is waiting on the opposite side of the street watching him like he just happened to be in this area rather than that he was actually waiting. Mikoto takes a step forward and asks Munakata where the kid is, Munakata holds out the broken PDA and says it seems that they were both just a bit too late. Mikoto's eyes narrow as he looks at the PDA and he asks if this was part of Munakata's plan, Munakata says it was certainly part of someone's plan but not, as it happens, his. Mikoto takes the PDA with a sigh and says this is going to be a pain, and someone's gonna have to tell Yata. Munakata says he will take his leave then, and that he's disappointed to have lost such a promising clansman. Mikoto's pretty much ignoring him by then, looking calm outwardly but really he's pretty pissed that someone just snatched Fushimi and there's no way to know if Fushimi went willingly or not.

Meanwhile Fushimi's been whisked away to jungle's hidden basement and I'm thinking in this AU maybe he doesn't even figure out the virus thing until the very end, like right before Hisui takes him away he breaks his own PDA but he's still in a pretty vulnerable state and he isn't even sure why he agreed to do this, following a parrot down into the darkness beneath the city. He's led into what looks like a small stage in the middle of the darkness and that's when a man in a wheelchair comes to greet him, congratulating Fushimi on achieving J-rank. Fushimi's all wary, he wasn't even aware that he was trying to earn points and Hisui says on the contrary, Fushimi earned his interest years ago during the surprise party incident and he's been keeping his eye on Fushimi ever since. Hisui feels that Fushimi was very unsuited to Suoh Mikoto's clan and Fushimi clicks his tongue and looks away, like he knows this is true but he doesn't like hearing someone else say it. Hisui wonders if they will even miss him there and Fushimi can't help but feel this sting of pain, like maybe Misaki won't even notice he's gone. Hisui assures him that there's nothing to worry about here, after all jungle is a clan that values free will and he believes that Fushimi will fit in well here, where there's no longer any need to show a false image to anyone, where he can truly be himself.

So from this point on Fushimi remains in jungle and Homra is never able to find a single trace of him, Anna is able to confirm that he's alive but even her powers aren't enough to find his location. For a time directly after Fushimi's disappearance Homra follows any leads they can searching for him but everything is just dead ends, they suspect he was taken by the Green clan but there's no proof at all (and maybe Kusanagi decides they shouldn't even tell Yata this, worried he'll get himself entangled into something bad going off on his own). Yata never gives up though, for years he continues to search for any sign of Fushimi or where he could be. At the same time down in jungle Hisui devotes a lot of time to making Fushimi feel that jungle is the only place in the world where he'll be welcomed, like maybe he shows Fushimi some surveillance images of Homra in the aftermath of Fushimi's disappearance and Yata's there smiling and laughing and that's enough for Fushimi to believe that he's not even missed, Fushimi not even noticing how strained Yata's smile is or how forced his laugh sounds. Hisui starts sending Fushimi on various missions but Fushimi rarely leaves the underground hideout and even when he does he's in disguise, like imagine him in a Green 'ninja' style outfit similar to Douhan's with his face covered entirely.

Then Fushimi finally reappears in ROK, maybe right near the beginning when Yukari and Sukuna go to the school island to find Kuroh and Neko. In this AU the two of them both go after the Silvers while Fushimi goes off on his own, having spotted Yata in the crowd and deciding that someone needs to keep the Red clansman occupied so he doesn't interfere. Yata has no idea who this silent Green clansman that attacked him is but as they fight he starts to think that something's familiar about this style. Beneath his mask Fushimi's grinning wildly, like finally he gets to see Misaki again and fight him without a worry, the Misaki who never cared about him and probably didn't even notice he was gone. They're pretty evenly matched until Fushimi gets called back to jungle's headquarters, he pauses for just a moment to receive his orders and Yata manages to break his mask. Fushimi pulls the mask off as he stumbles back and Yata's smile of triumph turns to horror as he realizes exactly who's standing in front of him, giving this small strangled 'Saruhiko...?' as Fushimi gives him this broken grin all 'long time no see, Misaki.'

Fushimi escapes while Yata's busy reeling from the shock, like he can't believe that Saruhiko's alive and beyond that, that Saruhiko's actually working for the Greens and presumably has been all this time. Kusanagi somewhat guiltily admits that he'd suspected this previously but never said anything because there was no way to be sure, Yata just can't understand why Fushimi would do this. Then jump forward to the attack at Mihashira and Yata probably waits specifically to try and fight Fushimi, who's amused that Yata thinks he can stand up to the Green clan this way. Yata keeps trying to ask Fushimi why he did this, where has he been all this time but all Fushimi wants to do is fight, as far as he's concerned Misaki threw him away and he doesn't need any of that useless concern, not now. Yata's like wait I never did any of that, I never gave up on you all this time you idiot but Fushimi refuses to believe him, stating that Yata long ago decided that Mikoto was more important than Fushimi, and so there was no reason for Fushimi to stay in Homra. This battle probably ends in a stalemate and Yata has to retreat in the end but even with how heartbroken he is he swears that he's not going to give up, not now – no matter what he has to do he's going to save Fushimi from jungle and bring him home whether he wants to come or not.

#Fushimi Saruhiko #Yata Misaki #Talking K #yes I love Green Fushimi AUs why do you ask #I have so many unfinished fics of this sort it's sad #but I love the whole idea of Fushimi just reappearing post-S1 in a Green outfit #there's a really cool fanart I saw of him wearing a Douhan-esque outfit and it was hngg I love #*flails over this AU*

[ridiasfangirlings]

Any sarumi on your mind?

Okay this one's kinda Sarumi and Mikorei at the same time, I've been listening to the cast recording of Hadestown a lot recently so please imagine Munakata and Mikoto as Hades and Persephone with Yata and Fushimi as Orpheus and Eurydice because it won't leave me alone. Say we have god of the underworld Munakata, who's turned the underworld into a city of neon lights and industry, where people sell their souls to him in exchange for endless work on factory floors and along the wall he's having them build, trying to turn this world into a land of perfect order and paperwork. His husband Mikoto is supposed to remain in Hadestown for half the year but things haven't gone well between them for ages now, Munakata feeling that Mikoto lingers too long above and feeling that such a barbarian can't appreciate his shining town. Mikoto for his part leaves for the upper world late and is brought back to Hadestown early, sleeping the months away so that he doesn't have to deal with Munakata or with the weight of the world around him, the hot summers and the cold winters and no sign of spring or fall, the people who worship him in the upper world who starve when he's no longer there.

In the middle of this world pulled askew by the feuds of the gods there's Yata, the son of a human and a muse, who's one of Mikoto's followers. He knows that the world's not right but he isn't sure why, when Mikoto's there everyone has enough to eat and drink but it never seems to last. Prodded on by Shiro, the messenger of the gods, Yata's trying to work on a song to set right what's wrong – he isn't sure that it'll work, because the song doesn't seem to be coming out entirely right, but he's determined to do something because he wants to help Mikoto-san. One day as he's playing his lyre he misses a note and he hears the sound of someone clicking their tongue. Yata looks up to see this skinny shabby guy standing there watching him, Fushimi's a wanderer trying to escape the clutches of winter and used to always taking care of himself. Yata's like what's your problem and Fushimi mocks him, like must be nice to be an idiot who strums a lyre all day instead of gathering food. Yata says he doesn't need to gather anything, Mikoto-san's coming back any day now and he's going to bring along spring with him. Fushimi's face twists in disgust, laughing in mockery as he's like 'Mikoto-san, Mikoto-san, that's all you idiots talk about.' Fushimi doesn't put any of his faith in the gods, the type of people who play with the fates of humans and don't have a care for anything besides themselves. Fushimi doesn't see how anyone has time for pointless things like songs, an empty stomach can't be filled by a song.

Yata thinks Fushimi's an asshole but then they keep running into each other, Yata trying to find out who Fushimi is and to get Fushimi to listen to his song. Fushimi tells Yata that he doesn't have any home, Fushimi being a runaway who just travels wherever he can find food. He knows no one will ever stay with him once the cold comes on and so he has to take care of himself, Yata says there's nothing wrong with relying on someone else. The two of them are walking through this field of dead flowers and Fushimi says when a person's stomach is empty they'll do whatever they need to in order to get ahead, he's learned long ago that bonds are as brittle as the leaves of these flowers. Yata disagrees and starts to play his song, as he sings the flowers suddenly begin to grow green and bright as Fushimi stares in shock. Yata encourages Fushimi to sing with him, Fushimi's reluctant voice clear and in harmony with the strings of Yata's lyre. Fushimi doesn't know how Yata did this and Yata says that's why he's working on this song, and that the melody's never sounded so right as when Fushimi sang it with him.

The two of them get closer as the winter starts to fade, Fushimi almost believing that maybe Yata can bring back spring. That's when Mikoto returns from Hadestown, half asleep and grumbling as he brings along the heat of summer with him. Yata's excited to see him again, like he and a bunch of the other townspeople head to the bar with Mikoto and toast to the god who will always fill their cups. Fushimi holds back though, glaring from the corner as Yata stares in reverence at Mikoto. It's all too soon then when Munakata arrives on the train to take Mikoto back, winter coming on early, and Fushimi tells Yata this is why they shouldn't trust to the gods. Yata's all certain though that this time things are going to be different, he'll sing his song and that asshole Munakata will let Mikoto bring spring back. Fushimi disagrees and goes to gather food, while Yata's focused only on his song Fushimi gets caught in a storm and sees all his food lost, leaving him starving and alone, bitter that the person who promised to always hear him when he called seems unable to hear Fushimi repeating his name.

Elsewhere down in Hadestown, Mikoto and Munakata are sniping at each other again, Mikoto tired of what Munakata's turned the place into and Munakata feeling that Mikoto doesn't appreciate the perfect society he is creating. Irritated at his incorrigible husband Munakata decides to find someone who will appreciate the gifts of Hadestown properly, which is when he spots Fushimi alone and shivering in the cold. Munakata smiles and approaches him, wondering if perhaps Fushimi would be interested in a job and a place where he can have a warm bed and food. Fushimi whispers Yata's name but Yata still doesn't hear, and Fushimi clicks his tongue as he throws away the flower Yata once gave him, agreeing to go with Munakata to Hadestown. Yata meanwhile goes searching for Fushimi, only to find out from Shiro that Fushimi's gone down below. Yata's shocked and upset, realizing that Fushimi called for him and that somehow he didn't hear it, didn't understand what was happening. He decides to go down to Hadestown all on his own, no matter where he has to walk and how hard the journey is, in order to bring Fushimi back. Shiro tells him the way, warning him that it will be dangerous walking but Yata doesn't care, wherever Fushimi's gone Yata will go too, past the darkness and the mines, determined to have Fushimi back by his side.

#sarumi #mikorei #Talking K #this post brought to you by listening to Chant from Hadestown and imagining Munakata as Hades #also imagine All I've Ever Known sung by Sarumi *^* #is it just me who likes this? #and then Yata sings a song to get Munakata and Mikoto back together again #and he convinces Fushimi to come back with him #oh but maybe in this AU Munakata somehow makes it so Fushimi has to follow in Yata's footsteps #but he can't look up to see if Yata's still there leading him like he promised #having to believe that Yata loves him enough to lead him out of Hades #(and he doesn't look up and succeeds so they live happily ever after shut up it's my AU I'll defy mythology if I want to)

[ridiasfangirlings]

I find Yata adorable like he's a cute shy virgin and he's someone who stands up for the people he loves and around him. But for someone who keeps screaming about family, comradeship and friends, i kind of cant forgive him for ignoring fushimi's feelings during the homra times. So maybe an ask about when Yata reflects on himself and his rs with fushimi after he understood the betrayal in ROK (maybe some self-bashing). Thank you.

I honestly give Yata some slack in this department because it's not even really that he ignored Fushimi's feelings so much as he had no idea that Fushimi was feeling that way and Fushimi never bothered to actually open his mouth and say anything. Yata's someone who tends to wear his feelings on his sleeve and who cam get carried away with things easily and I think when they joined Homra Yata just got so swept up in how amazing Mikoto was that it didn't occur to him that Fushimi didn't think the same way – in fact in a way he and Fushimi both made the same mistake, because before they joined Homra Fushimi thought Yata was someone whose feelings matched his own only to find out he was wrong afterward and then Yata meanwhile made the same assumption about Fushimi. Fushimi thought that they were both dissatisfied with the world and would smash it together and that they only needed the two of them, while Yata was always wanting a place to belong and when he found Homra he felt like he and Fushimi were both saved, not realizing that Fushimi didn't feel the same. So while I think Yata did allow himself to be caught up in things so much that he didn't stop to consider Fushimi's side of it I also find it a bit unfair to fully blame him too, when Fushimi refused to tell Yata that their feelings weren't the same and didn't really try at all to make himself understood, Yata shouldn't have to read his mind.

That said, I could see Yata being a bit down on himself after ROK now that he really realizes how unhappy Fushimi was in Homra. I think for Yata it would be more like how he recognizes in Countdown that he never really understood Mikoto up to the end, Yata just thinking that here again he was so caught up in his own emotions and excitement that he never stopped for a moment to wonder if Fushimi felt the same way he did. And I think this would make him even more determined to try and understand Fushimi no matter what and to not let himself get constantly baited into letting things pass – Yata does try a few times to understand Fushimi post-betrayal (the cellar chapter of MOR comes to mind) but then when Fushimi starts badmouthing Mikoto or mocking him Yata would always let his temper get in the way of really understanding, basically playing right into Fushimi's trap of deflecting actual honesty by pushing all Yata's buttons in order to get some of that sweet sweet hate. Like I think after they fully hash it all out Yata might think back on all the moments where maybe he could have held his temper a little more, reached out a little more or held on a little tighter and what could have come from that, maybe they could have reconciled earlier, and just deciding that this time he's going to do things right and make sure that he never lets his precious relationship with Fushimi break ever again.

#Yata Misaki #Talking K #are anons going to yell at me for secretly being a Yata fan again XD #yeah I can't entirely get on board with this they both made mistakes #yata's not exactly known for his insight and while he shouldn't have just assumed things #Fushimi shouldn't have just sat their quietly and never tried to correct him either #like in the betrayal scene when Yata touches the Homra mark and says it's 'their pride' #and Fushimi thinks he means 'our' as in Homra #but LSW makes it more clear that Yata meant 'our' as in 'you and me' #they both misunderstand

[ridiasfangirlings]

Do you think that fushimi feels like he somehow isn‘t „allowed“ to love yata? i guess yata couldn‘t understand this mindset and tries his best to make fushimi feel comfortable around him after rok

I can see Fushimi feeling something of that sort – like at first when he’s in middle school I think it’s more like feeling he ‘can’t’ love Yata because anything he gets attached to gets destroyed, so he can’t hold too tightly or everything will fall apart. Then when they join Homra Fushimi pretty much can’t deal with Yata having other people he cares about, because Fushimi has no confidence in himself and basically assumes that why would Yata want to be with him when there are other people around. Plus on top of that I think Fushimi equates affection with worth, like when Yata’s looking at him and calling him amazing Fushimi hinges a lot of his self worth on that emotion. But then Fushimi’s plan fails during the jungle surprise party and he takes that hard, and on top of that he’s saved by Mikoto who Yata now thinks is the most amazing and who, as a King, is someone Fushimi can’t match. Fushimi has no confidence that Yata would like him just because Yata likes him, so the moment that someone else becomes more amazing is when for Fushimi it’s like he’s 'lost’ Yata, their relationship has changed irrevocably because Fushimi feels like Yata now has someone who’s worth more than he is and so Yata isn’t looking at Fushimi anymore the way he wants to be looked at. So Fushimi decides to break the friendship with his own hands because he can’t accept that Yata just likes him, if Yata’s not looking at him and calling him amazing then to Fushimi I think that means he could be left behind at any time, that there’s no worth to him unless he’s doing amazing things that are worthy of Yata’s praise.

Then post-ROK I think there might be a feeling like he isn’t 'allowed’ to love Yata, because at this point Fushimi’s only just starting to accept that the things he holds won’t break apart in his hands. I think he’s well aware of how shitty he’s been to Yata all this time and I could see Fushimi equating his own actions to Niki’s as well – and just as Fushimi could never forgive Niki for all the shit he did there might be a feeling like he would understand if Yata never forgave him. That Yata does seem willing to forgive him and still wants to be with him again is wholly foreign territory to Fushimi and I think he would be hesitant about it, especially if he’s accepted that the feelings he has towards Yata are more than friendship. Fushimi’s never let himself love someone before and I feel like he’d still be unable to let himself feel like Yata might return his feelings, Fushimi doesn’t have the self confidence for that. Yata doesn’t really get it but I think he’d be able to tell that Fushimi was uncomfortable and would be doing his best to try and bridge the distance between them, like especially if they’ve had a proper talk about why Fushimi left in the first place I think Yata might start to understand more why Fushimi is the way he is. And knowing that I think Yata would try to encourage Fushimi to be honest, wanting to hear Fushimi’s feelings and doing his best to make sure Fushimi knows that their friendship won’t break regardless of what happens, that Fushimi isn’t his father and that Yata still thinks he’s amazing and wants to stay by his side.

#sarumi #Talking K #Fushimi can't emotion part the nth #I don't know if it's not being 'allowed' so much as 'doesn't deserve' #like he thinks he isn't someone worthy of love unless it's something he can quantify #like doing something amazing equals praise equals affection #but if other people are better than him he doesn't deserve affection #and he can't trust that Yata would love him if he doesn't do something to 'deserve' it