#and I’ve always seen others provide reasons when they’re talking about Loki too

[lokeanwelcomingcommittee]

I’m guessing y’all get a lot of people asking if they should work with Loki, I’m gonna ask the opposite. What’re some signs that you should NOT work with Loki, whether he’s not the god for you or you’re not in the right time in life to start working with him?

Hi!

I want to preface my response by stating that there isn’t really any hard line where starting a devotional relationship becomes an objectively bad idea. Different people have different beliefs about what role religion should play in their lives. Different people have different preferences and goals. What’s good for someone may be harmful to someone else. So, with that in mind, I’m not implying that anyone who disagrees or has gone against my advice here is automatically unhealthy, abusive, etc. If it works for you, then it works for you. I’m only trying to provide a starting point to examine the viability of a devotional relationship based on my own subjective experiences.

- You don’t want to. It might be obvious, but it bears repeating. There are a lot of reasons why you may not want to work with Loki. Maybe you’re wary of working with deities. Maybe you’re part of a different religious tradition and don;t care to branch out. Maybe you just don’t feel drawn to him. But honestly, the reason doesn’t really matter here. You don’t have to worship anyone you don’t want to worship, and it’s okay to respectfully decline a god who approaches you.

- You don’t have the time or energy for the relationship. We can only do so much. Whether it’s because you already have a lot on your spiritual plate or because other aspects of your life are already a lot to handle, it’s a good thing to be able to do an honest evaluation of where you’re at and admit that you’re at your limit. You can always revisit the issue if your circumstances change.

- You feel pressured or coerced. It’s normal to feel nervous about interacting with a new deity, or to feel existential dread when your worldview is shaken, or to be awed by a god’s vastness and power. But it’s a massive red flag if you’re staying in a relationship purely because you fear the consequences of ending it. This applies whether the pressure is coming from a god or another human. Check out the BITE Model for more on the methods that cults use to recruit.

- Your religious practice would be unsafe for you. Maybe your living situation makes religious expression dangerous. Maybe your practice is exacerbating mental illness symptoms. Remember, you aren’t helping Loki by dying or otherwise putting yourself out of commission, especially when we’re talking about activities like food offerings or meditation that aren’t materially helping other people. Your health and safety come first.

- You haven’t done your research. Obviously, you don’t need an M.Div. or something to start exploring your spirituality. But it’s good to know the basics of what Loki is about and the religious tradition you intend to worship him through before diving in.

For starters, you don’t want to do something offensive--to Loki, to your co-religionists, or people whose culture you may unknowingly be appropriating. You don’t want to invest too much time or money or get too emotionally entangled in something before you know if it has a chance of working out. And most of all, you don’t want to end up building your spirituality around something that’s verifiably false, only to be devastated when that falls apart, or worse, dig in your heals and deny the truth to protect your feelings.

- You aren’t open to growth or change. And I honestly don’t say this just because Loki is widely seen as a god of change. Any god you cross paths with is going to open your eyes to new ways of seeing the world. Worshiping any god is going to change, to an extent, the way you live your life and the way you behave towards others. If this wasn’t the case, there wouldn’t really be much point in worship, would there?

Loki can force you out of your shell, if breaking free of this sort of stagnation is something you’re trying to achieve. But sometimes, people actively want, perhaps even need, a fallow period. A new devotional relationship obviously does not facilitate that.

Beyond that stuff? I honestly feel that Loki is great at meeting someone where they’re at. I’ve seen advice that you shouldn’t worship Loki if you aren’t prepared for a massive upheaval in your life, but I’ve gotta disagree with that. Loki won’t wreck your life for the sake of wrecking it. He breaks things to rebuild them better, and not everyone is in a place to rebuild from, or indeed, a place that needs to be dramatically broken. I’ve seen advice that you shouldn’t worship Loki if you can’t take harsh criticism. While, yes, he’s capable of being very blunt and won’t tiptoe around hard truths that he feels you need to hear, he’s also capable of reading the room and being gentle where gentleness is called for. I’ve seen advice not to start worshiping deities if you’re mentally ill, and that’s just ableism.

There’s never going to be a time where you know everything there is to know or have your life perfectly in order. So if it’s something you truly want to undertake and you can say that desire is coming from an informed place, I’d personally say that’s a sufficient greenlight. Best of luck to you, wherever your path leads.

- Mod E

#lokean

[missorgana]

would everything be different today?

characters/pairings: thor and loki, loki/mobius

fandom: marvel cinematic universe

rating: general

word count: 3913

warning: canon character death

summary: Prior to Loki's arrest, Thor attempts to save them and is arrested by the TVA himself. And sure, he doesn't understand much of this institution, but he's pretty sure this Mobius has taken a liking to his younger sibling. (pre-canon, thor pov)

(still obsessing over loki, who’s surprised? no one! half of this fic was written at 2am when i was Not sober, my beloved Cat / @howgodforgives read it for me tho because they’re perfect!! 💖 this is an au... supposed to happen pre-canon... inspired by this post and this post, i love them too much and simply mashed the 2 concepts together so ya. enjoy ??)

read on ao3

Thor thought he could just do one thing. And when Steve revealed his plan about utilizing their time traveling device, just one last time, the offer his friend came with for him to go back was something he had to.

He had a chance to save Loki.

Now, he knows this is far from thought out, far from logical, and Thor never told Steve when he himself was traveling to. They trusted each other, Avengers and all.

Thor knows he could save their mother, too, if he wanted, but perhaps grief was clouding his vision because he’s simply lost too many, and he’ll be damned if he’d let Loki slip away from him after everything they’ve been through.

They were making progress… weren’t they?

It surely couldn’t be another one of his tricks, and although Thor has been naive in the past, he simply can’t lose her. Not now. Not yet.

And so he goes back for them, and he gets there, he’s on the ship, Heimdall and Loki and Valkyrie and Korg and  Thanos  , and Thor’s never been prone to irrational anger, he  tries , but everything happening all over again in such an overwhelming way nearly has sparks jumping from eyes and fingertips.

Thor is so close. And then he isn’t.

He can’t comprehend what happens, but he’s out of time, out of place, and he’s in what resembles most those office buildings he’s seen so many of Midgard. Being crammed in an elevator with these strange people gave him eerie flashbacks to Sakaar, until he’s finally greeted by a significantly short human, brown suit, silver hair and moustache and a lop-sided grin.

Naturally, Thor smiles back in the midst of his confusion, it’s only good manners, you hear.

“Ah!” the man exclaims, patting his elbow with the other hand guiding him forward, “The god of thunder himself! Mighty pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

He nods, following, unsure still what’s going on. But Thor’s made too many enemies of a human lifetime, a long time ago, and he wouldn’t want to get on these humans’ bad side, even though they technically kidnapped him… peculiar.

If Loki was here, they’d probably have their knife ready at lightning speed. Classic Loki.

“Well, thank you! I wish I could say the same, but I’m not sure… where I am,” Thor answers. This really does look like an office, one the Midgardians had a decade or so, probably, before they updated themselves. Modernization, that’s what it’s called, silly humans.

“Fair is fair,” the grey haired human turns to him, “Welcome to the Time Variance Authority, TVA for short! I think I speak for everyone here when I say we’re excited to have you here.”

The man chuckles, and Thor doesn’t know if it’s to himself or directed towards him, until the human shrugs. There’s still two of those persons with weaponry and strange glowing devices on either side of them, and it seems his new acquaintance realises the need for explanation.

“Well, technically, you’re not staying as much as… you’re under arrest,��� he then says, smile turning hesitant and scratching his cheek.

Arrest?!  

That’s certainly a surprise, given human laws don’t really apply to his own kind. Of course, Avenging has different rules and such… but alas.

It seems his new friend notices his eyes widen, significantly, “But don’t worry, buddy! You’re a special case, of course.”

Thor stammers, he always feels a certain embarrassment over himself when this happens, “May I- may I ask for what offense? I don’t mean to offend, these quarters are quite splendid, but Midgard and Asgard operate different-”

“Oh no,” the man interrupts, keeping a quick pace, “I’m afraid this isn’t Midgard, big guy. The TVA, we, well, control all of time!”

The guards escorting them, they must be guards, stop at the same time Thor stops in pure shock. His father never mentioned anything like this. Is this part of the nine realms? He wonders who these people are, if not human. They surely cannot be gods?

“You control… time?”

“Exactamundo! The sacred timeline, to be precise. Let me show you,” his new acquaintance guides him further with that, until they reach a strangely void room, a single table, pair of chairs and some sort of machine the only things in sight. One of those Midgardian ‘computers’?

And when he’s seated (the chair isn’t quite built for a god of his stature, but he shouldn’t complain, politeness is key, of course), this strange man shows him what appears to be a video. A video of… his life. Thor’s life, that is.

This is absurd. “How do you know this? What-”

“We know everything, buddy,” the man tells him, shuts down the device, grin sheepish, “It’s in the job description, you see?”

Thor doesn’t know what to think, rather, his mind feels somehow numb.

He was just with Loki, she was there, within his grasp, then… this. Thor also doesn’t know how long he sits staring at his acquaintance in confusion until another thought dawns upon him, “Do you have Steve Rogers, too?”

The grin lessens, mouth forming a small o, but the man nods once, “Ah, yes, another department. You two sure know how to cause trouble, huh?”

So he gets an answer, but it leaves him none the wiser, or clearer headed, or understanding. It rather feels like those sort of outlandish dreams children have, like he had when he was younger.

But what can he do? Just face this head-on?

Thor wonders if Heimdall can see him right now. Not… his Heimdall, another Heimdall, who might be alive. A Loki who might be alive, if he can save them.

“May I ask one more question of you, uh…”

“Mobius M. Mobius, at your service.”

“Ah,” he replies, and hesitantly smiles back at the grin he receives, “Then why am I here? This  department , I mean?”

The stranger, Mobius, chuckles. It’s short handed and with the professionalism of those Midgardian businessmen with replicated suits and briefcases and phones chiming them down. Is this Mobius even human? More Asgardian?

“We’re in need of assistance, you might say,” he finally answers, and turns to power up the machinery once more, “And I, for one, have a feeling you might be invaluable for the cause.”

*

Although Thor is not sure he yet understands everything in this strange world he’s now come into, this new friend, Mobius, is very educational, and while the thought of being arrested wasn’t all too pleasing, apparently, they wished for him to work for them, instead.

His offence, that’s yet another thing he still doesn’t understand. Thor wasn’t aware of this, uh, this  Sacred Timeline , as they call it. Surely a god of his status should’ve been told, shouldn’t he?

He comes to wonder if their father ever knew about this.

Thor is fairly sure about one thing, that Odin wouldn’t possibly have told them, had he had that knowledge. And what about Hela?

But he quickly learns not to think about this too much, and he counts about three Asgardian weeks in the TVA, although he has no idea how time works  here , at all. Mobius always says it’s too complicated to explain, maybe he thinks Thor wouldn’t understand.

Loki always said he was as dumb as a doornail. But she never meant it out of spite, he reasons, surely, they’ve always had that sense of humor between the two of them. He loves Loki very much, even when she lets him down. He only hopes his younger sibling feels the same.

Speaking of Loki, that is another thing Thor learns in this weird world- uh, city? Country? Timeline? The TVA is its own thing entirely.

But what he learns, much like his whole life, is that his destiny will forever and always be tied to Loki, and Loki’s to his. Because his new friends at the TVA hired him to find, and catch, his younger sibling and bring them in for a similar crime to his own.

Although he’s also  killing people in the process, Mobius explains much to Thor’s horror, and he’ll have to make sure Loki’s not hurt when he finds him, and ask him why this bloodshed is necessary. Again.

Of course, there must be a good reason as to why she’s doing it, he had a good reason to mess with the timeline himself, he must say, and Loki is incredibly clever, his younger sibling’s grand scheme must be extraordinary. He just wishes she wouldn’t hurt other people in the process, they’ve been over this, but she was getting better!

As Mobius put it, “You know them better than anyone, pal, I’ve got a hunch you’re the only one who can find out where they’re hiding. Well, besides themselves.”

Yes, Thor was not certain this was a good idea.

He traveled back in time to  save his younger sibling, not cause him even more pain. But Mobius seems somewhat trustworthy, and very polite. He assured him justice would be served fairly, and even a lesser punishment considering the help he himself provides!

Sometimes, Thor has to follow his gut. Loki always hated this trait of his.

This work proves tricky, and tedious, and of course, his sibling is sneaky and manages to escape the TVA time and time again, and if they would just bring Thor with them, surely, he could talk to her. Not apprehend her, but  communicate . Not everyone here trusts him as much as Mobius, though, regrettably.

What is curious about his new friend, and Thor’s spent a few nights now racking his brain about this, is that some of the questions he’s posed about Loki are quite specific.

They must be important for the case, he figures.

Just a week ago, hunched over files and files of timeline lingo and alternate futures that Thor has several conflicting emotions about reading, the grey haired man looked up from his scribbles and met his eye.

“Say, Thor,” he started, scratching his chin and twirling the pen in his hand, “Loki ever tell ya what they fancy for dinner?”

And the god had to blink, shuffling the papers. Did he hear it correctly?

“Dinner?”

“I mean, humans, they have favorite foods, you know? Like, preferences,” he chuckled, “I only assume Asgardians are similar?”

Thor smiles as he does when in situations where he doesn’t understand what’s going on, but simple curiousity never hurt anyone. This person’s strange, stranger than the Avengers, but he loved them all the same. “Of course. Loki’s very fond of goat. Herring, too, and our mother’s apple pie.”

Mobius nodded with a grin, and spoke no more of the subject, until two days later (Thor  thinks  it was two days, as mentioned before, time here confuses him profusely), where his friend inquired him about his younger sibling’s eye color.

They’re blue, clearly.

More muted than Thor’s own, but never grey, although some of these files have wrongly informed otherwise.

Really, this interest Mobius reveals in his younger sibling doesn’t faze him at first, but he’s thinking about it more and more often, as it turns out. And today, when the suited man asks him if Loki might be interested in water sports, it only sends Thor further into the obyss of confusion.

Firstly, he’s not sure what these water sports entail. Second, although he doesn’t doubt Mobius is a reasonable man, what does this have to do with arresting Loki?

“Forgive me,” Thor replies, “What are, uh… water sports?”

“Oh, yes! Sorry, big guy. Ya know, jetskis are quite fun for humans and otherwise. Diving, too. You think Loki would like that sort of thing?”

The god finds himself worrying his lip with little answer to the peculiar question. “Perhaps. They love adventures, you see, that’s a thing we have in common. You think Loki’s hiding somewhere, with, uh… jetskis?”

The grey haired man shrugs. Quite strange.

Then his friend continues as they walk along the hall, past several hunters and seemingly high security offices, “She must like jokes, right?”

“Oh, of course.”

Mobius laughs, “I figured,” and his smile isn’t aimed at Thor, but somewhere into the open air, distant and unexplainably fond, “God of Mischief, pranks in his blood. I’m not too bad myself.”

“Huh?”

When the shorter man opens the door for him, he shrugs again, “Sorry, buddy, this way. I mean, they’re incredibly witty. Don’t need to tell you that, I get it. I heard this joke from a Variant, I think they might like that one. You know it? So once there was-”

And so Mobius continues on, the joke must be brilliant, he’s already wheezing to himself, but now, the god’s pretty sure he understands.

Oh.

Oh.

Thor’s not as stupid as Loki claims, you see. And he has to say, he knows courtship when he sees it.

*

Does Thor understand why his younger sibling- or, a version of her, regardless, is hiding out in historic  apocalypses ? No, there’s not much logic in this, but it’s certainly in no way surprising.

Loki’s got a knack for adventures and danger simultaneously, after all.

But when he realises what Loki’s doing, he simply has to go, even if his moustached friend isn’t sure how to clear it with the TVA, or if it’s breaking the rules, but isn’t this what they assigned the god to do in the first place?

This is his younger sibling. Loki’s alive. And Thor, well, like he’s done all his life, and like Loki’s done all their life, one must always follow the other, at one point or the other. It’s fate, he decides.

And he finds him,  finally , after what feels as hundreds of millions of human years and even longer of their own, in the human city of Pompeii.

Loki isn’t exactly pleased to hear the TVA coming, that much is obvious from his face, but Thor is alone, and it’s only a matter of time before Mobius arrives, so Thor must find a chance to talk to his sibling alone.

And his sibling’s face changes from the expectant grin of a plan to kill the minutemen when they arrive to a gaping mouth in shock. Then realisation. Then frustration.

“Loki!”

And the god of mischief groans, exasperated and loud, the screams of the civilians barely fazing them, “Thor.”

It’s a matter of time, then, because they don’t  have much time before they’ll be sunken into the ground they’re standing on, and like Thor first started out his adventure in the Sacred Timeline, his first thought is to get Loki out of there.

It’s his first priority, to keep her safe. There’ll be no death. Not today. Not again.

His younger sibling has their eyes on the volcano as well, their many differences being so in sync at the strangest of times, and before Thor can even think about it, Loki reaches for his arm and they’re teleported somewhere- and some… when? else entirely.

It’s eerily quiet here, a distant rumble from the sky. Rocks as far as he can see. Darkness, besides bolts of lightning striking into the ocean before them, and blinking lights distantly behind them.

And here Loki is; a Variant like himself, as Mobius called it. Breathing.

“Why is it,” she nearly yells, clutching the strange device in her hand and giving Thor that familiar glare of destruction, “You always find a way, somehow,  anywhere, to ruin my perfect plan, brother? How? How are you here, you damn fool!?”

The insult is as it always is, and Loki looks like his blood might nearly boil over, but Thor just can’t help it. 

He feels the tears in his eyes before they even fall. “Loki.”

“What-”

It’s only a small handful of times in all the centuries they’ve lived that he’s managed to stun his sibling into silence, a loss of words. This is another incident to add to the list.

Thor grips on so tight, he never wants to let go.

He can’t remember the last time they hugged, actually. It might’ve been when they were children.

Loki pats on his back, after a minute or two, and a breath of annoyance and… something else sounds at the same time as his own staggering breathing. His sibling’s never returned his hugs, you see, but she’s doing it now. At least, Thor surely wouldn’t mistake her holding onto him, albeit not as tightly as himself.

They sigh, “What has gotten into you now, you idiot?”

Thor laughs. It’s strained, but it feels  good. That one, that’s a thing he’s missed. Loki will surely think he’s lost his mind, but there’s nothing he’d rather do right now than listen to him call him the crudest things they could think of.

It feels like coming back home.

“You’re alive,” Thor whispers.

Loki huffs. “You’ve fallen for my fake death, huh? You fall for it every time.”

He shakes his head in response, knowing his sibling won’t be able to see it, but ultimately lets go, and just looks at them. He smiles. Weirdly, hesitantly, confusedly, Loki smiles back.

“You’re an idiot,” she tells him again, but it’s softer this time.

“Where have you taken us?” Thor asks instead, and the answer is for once a place he knows of, “This is Midgard, brother, but way after the humans. In about an hour, it’ll be nothing but dust.”

That’s a frightening thought, he decides. He’s already seen Asgard in ruins.

And Thor has to take him somewhere safer, before Mobius arrives. They can’t go back to the TVA without some explanation, Loki deserves that.

His sibling seems severely surprised when he uses his own device, and a protest begins, of course, but Thor finds the right time, in Asgard, and jumps them both to it. Before their mother’s death. They’ll have to steer clear of the past versions of themselves, and their parents, and anyone else, considering Loki was imprisoned, but they’ll be safe.

And easy to spot.

“Now is not a time for a homecoming, Thor,” she tells him, already pulling up the device.

“Loki, no,” he reaches out, and Loki reaches for their knife, classic Loki, “Give me time to explain, before they come.”

He rolls his eyes but doesn’t raise the knife, “You’re not taking me to the TVA, brother.”

Thor blinks. He almost wants to rewind time on that little screen in his hand, to make sure he heard them right, but stranger things have happened. “You know about the TVA?”

“Of course I do, you buffoon. Who do you think I’m running from?”

He bites his tongue. Oh.

Thor has to shrug. Loki sighs again.

“I know, I know, they’ll arrest me for crimes against the  Sacred Timeline  ,” they say, in an overly dramatic voice and throwing around their hands in flourish, “I can’t believe they got you to help them. I can’t believe  you found me.”

It feels quite like the good, old days, as Stark used to say. “I know you, Loki, even if you don’t think I do.”

They both settle into silence, and this is also strange, but the smile he gets in return, less confused and more nostalgic and… safe, it makes it worth it.

Then, the device in Thor’s hand beeps, and he lets his sibling look at it, and he looks all the more annoyed again.

“Guess I’ll have to surrender now, because of you,” she grumbles, for once, not searching for an escape route, “Who’s leading, anyway? B-15?”

Thor pats his shoulder, in what he hopes conveys comfort. “I’m not familiar, unfortunately. This leader is named Mobius.”

His sibling frowns, but shrugs non committedly, “A new face, then.”

It’s not very often Thor sees Loki in this state, confusion, if ever. His younger sibling’s always been one step ahead of them, two, even, himself struggling to keep up. That’s why he’s always had to watch out for them, before… before the Avengers.

“He seems very interested in you,” he chuckles, and when Loki only frowns deeper, he has to explain his ongoing suspicion, “He’s asked me a great many questions about you. I believe he admires you very much. Even more than myself.”

“So he’s a fan,” Loki says - ignoring the last statement of his, of course, but Thor knows she heard it.

“I’d say more than a fan,” he decides to be honest, and Loki’s brows furrow. Thor pats his sibling’s shoulder once more, “He holds, it seems, similar feelings to when I was courting Lady Jane.”

Loki looks like a giant question mark. “I beg your pardon?”

But they’re interrupted, as per usual. The answer Thor wants out doesn’t get out before Mobius steps out of the time portal, and grins at them both. He seems to hold his gaze at his sibling a little bit longer. His demeanor’s calm, as if… recognition. Coming back home.

And Loki stares back at their brother, eyes wide and brows raised, tilting her head, “This is the Mobius who wants to… court me?”

Thor nods. Loki’s mouth turns upwards to a grin, mischief absent from his face. And even if they’ll deny it if Thor mentions it, his younger sibling’s eyes hold a certain warmth when they look back at the stranger. “I see.”

*

Many great strange things have happened in what seems a short amount of time, but Thor’s put out of work at the TVA, and his sibling’s put to work instead, and Mobius tells him they’ll  reset  him.

“Don’t worry, big guy, it doesn’t hurt,” he chuckles, adjusting his tie, “Your friend Steve had the same deal. Wouldn’t call it punishment, but it’s subjective. You did good work, ya know.”

Loki’s sat at Mobius’ now abandoned desk, one hand on a stack of case files, her eyes meeting with Thor’s own. They’re used to goodbyes, as you can tell. And emotions aren’t exactly their strongest suit.

But his sibling nods to him. The smile has no hints of sarcasm, so he counts it as a win. As progress.

Thor doesn’t know if he can stop worrying, after all. He’ll always do it, and what if he, another version of himself, tries to go back in time again?

Loki’s the only family he has left. But at the same time, his younger sibling is right. 

The sun will shine on us again. In another timeline, another universe, he figures. For now, Thor will have to let go, but they’ll always be connected after all. Thor and Loki couldn't be more different, but somehow the same.

“She’ll be safe here?” he asks, because he  has to, “You’re certain?”

Mobius smiles, like he’s heard it a million times before, “I promised you. I keep my promises, Thor.”

Of course. Of course. It’ll be fine. He’ll be fine.

“You ready?” his suited friend then asks, and he hesitantly nods.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

The man nods back, and the device in his hand lights up. The seconds seem excruciatingly long, but he’s got to get back, get moving, even without his younger sibling beside him. It’s a comforting thought, knowing there’s many more of them out there, in other timelines, following each other over and over again, as they’re meant to.

“Thank you, by the way,” Mobius then says, strangely enough, as the beams become stronger and the seconds count down. He winks before holding it out to Thor, a gesture for the reset to be complete, “For bringing them back to me.”

#mine #my writing #marveledit #fanfiction #mcu #sabrinasfamily #meghansfamily #brodinsons #lokius #loki x mobius #marvel tv #loki #loki tv #general rating #angst #reunion #brotherly love #pre canon #canon divergence #thor pov #tw: death #marvel fanfiction #mcusociety #eloquencenet #siblings #family issues #marvel

[arigatouiris]

head over heels // b.b — [03]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader [Female pronouns]

Warnings: swearing; angst [a lot of it]; mentions of drug abuse and explicit sexual references; mentions of anxiety, depressive thoughts, suicide, post-traumatic stress; fluff [in later chapters]

Follows events after Endgame, but Tony, Natasha, Steve, Loki are alive in this universe.

Word count: 2271

Author’s Note: I am so sorry for the late update~ However, I have been feeling a bit low about this story since I’m not sure if people like it. I shall update though, because it makes me happy. I’m also writing a story for Connor from the game Detroit: Become Human. And for those who would like that, do check out my masterlist! 

Those who want to be on the tag-list, do send me an ask~

03. secrets

✿

When Bucky arrived early that Sunday morning, he didn’t find a place to sit down. The cafe was crowded, and since it had been several days since he last came, he also wondered if (y/n) would feel bad that he had somewhat lied to her. He left last Sunday, and it had been an entire week since he had seen her last. He felt nervous, and as much as he wanted to ignore this feeling and wish that it didn’t exist, Bucky would only be lying to himself.

There was no need to lie to (y/n). Yet, he had. Because of the simple fact that Bucky was afraid of getting to know her. And worse, he was afraid of her getting to know him.

As soon as he stepped inside, and the door chimed, he noticed (y/n) handing over coffee after coffee to people standing in line. A soft smile sat on his lips as he noticed how happy she looked despite being so busy; the people standing in line were quietly chatting, understanding that (y/n) would come to them when she was done with the others. It was as if people who entered the BlueBells’ cafe turned patient even if they weren’t. It was lovely to watch.

For a moment, the atmosphere transported Bucky into the 1940s, just before the war, when things were pseudo peaceful. He looked around and saw men and women sitting by, talking idly on a Sunday morning, a nice barista taking their orders, and happiness floating all around without a worry in the world.

As he was lost in his reverie, he didn’t realize that the people ahead of him were moving quickly after grabbing their coffee. (y/n)’s eyes landed on him, yet, she stayed with a smile on her face, waiting for him. Luckily for Bucky, there was no one behind him. Looking to the far left of the cafe, she noticed a couple of girls finishing their coffee and sandwiches and were about to leave. Turning to Bucky, she waved her hand in front of his face and smiled pleasantly at him.

    “Hi, Bucky.”

Bucky’s face warmed at the sight of her, and he offered her a sheepish smile in return. He was ashamed to have come to face her again after having lied to her, but he was here now and there was no turning back.

    “Miss me, doll?”

    “Quite a bit. I’ve missed several art lessons because of you.”

Bucky chuckled before noticing her raise a hand to prevent him from ordering. He had planned on sitting down for a while and then leaving, but since the cafe was already too full, he was a bit bummed to be taking his coffee on the go.

    “The table on the far left is yours if you’re quick enough.” She winked at him, causing his eyes to widen at the revelation.

He instantaneously looked to the left and saw the empty yet messy table, the girls giggling and exiting the cafe after laying their eyes on him. Bucky remembered having this effect on the girls back in the 30s and 40s, but those days were gone. He heard a chuckle in front of him and noticed (y/n) grinning up at him.

    “They seem to have taken quite a liking to you.”

    “Nah, they see what they want to see.”

    “Or maybe you’re not seeing what they’re seeing.”

Bucky’s stomach flipped at her words and he frowned a bit for just a second. Taking a step back, he wondered why she hadn’t asked him about his days of absence. Wasn’t she curious? Turning to look at her, tilting her head at him in wonder, he got his answer.

No, she wasn’t curious. Just as she had never been before.

    “I’ll bring you your coffee, Bucky. Go take a seat.” She said kindly, and Bucky nodded, before walking over to the table to take a seat.

His hands were shaking and he felt the strong urge to light a cigarette, but he was certain that (y/n) was already aware of his coffee addiction. He didn’t want her finding out about another, for some strange reason, her validation seemed important to him. As long as she didn’t see him smoke, it was fine, because then Bucky could get away from wondering what she would think; coping with her disapproval of him.

He wasn’t even sure if she hated people who smoke, considering how she had a bunch of tables reserved for smokers outside the cafe. But, outside the cafe meant outside the room (y/n) was in for most of the day, and that fact caused Bucky to want to keep this a secret.

She came to clear the table just as he sat down. Bucky noticed she was humming a different song this time, a song that he did not recognize; and for just a moment, he wished that this would last for more than a few seconds. Bucky watched her from her side, in awe, at how she made the ordinary seem like it was so much more.

    “You…” She began, as she cleaned the table. She wasn’t meeting his gaze, and perhaps, there was a reason behind this as well. “I hope you were doing well these past few days.”

She knew she didn’t have to say that. She knew she didn’t have to tell him she cared and that she had noticed him not coming. Now, she had drawn a line that she could not erase, now there was no turning back. With one easy sentence, (y/n) had turned them into something more than acquaintances; yet, Bucky strove hard to keep it from becoming friends.

    “The usual, doll.” His voice was low and he now looked away from her, his heart pounding in his chest.

She sighed before nodding and getting back up, before leaving to get his coffee. For an instant, Bucky was afraid he was done something to screw this up; he quickly turned to see her gather the essentials needed for his coffee. He turned back to himself, his hands now resting on the table; he bent his head low and shut his eyes with regret. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing there.

    “Bucky.” Her voice instantly brought him back from the beginning of an anxiety attack, and her smile probably saved him.

She began to make him his coffee and Bucky couldn’t stop staring at her. It was as if life was being cruel to him by introducing her to him; by keeping her so close yet so far and unattainable. All Bucky wanted to do was to tell her how pretty she was and how much he loved her coffee and her silly drawings; Bucky just wanted to tell her he would like to take her out for dinner one day and how much he beat himself up for lying to her. He wanted to tell her all those things she didn’t know but he also knew she didn’t care about them as much as he wanted to.

She poured in the cream and began to draw on his cup. Bucky could feel his eyes fill with tears, as he knew that there was no way someone as gentle as (y/n) would ever be interested in a monster like him. There was no use waiting for a sign.

    “Does that look like a wolf?”

Bucky blinked a couple of times before meeting her gaze, which then directed him to his cup. He took a good long look before trying to identity what in that shape resembled a wolf. The time he took however, caused the woman to chuckle and break out into a small laugh.

    “You wound me, Buck.” She said sweetly, causing him to smile.

It was okay. Him not knowing her the way he wanted to. She was here, being nice to him, being kind to him, pouring his coffee and drawing silly things. She was doing all these things that he would never take away, and with this he was satisfied.

    “One of these days you might draw better.”

    “For that, I’ll need the practice. And what better canvas to practice on if not for Bucky’s cup?” She said, mischievously.

His eyes widened and he looked at her. And she did the one thing that almost took his breath away.

    “I like it when you come here, Buck.”

He had no idea how many walls and boundaries she was breaking by just saying that. He had no idea how much she was going to beat herself up for telling him those few words. Even though he was certain that she wouldn’t understand his plight, Bucky craved for this validation. A nameless validation that allowed him to feel again.

    “About l-last week—”

    “That’s okay. Bucky, everything is alright. I’m here. Always. With your coffee.”

She wasn’t supposed to do any of this. She wasn’t supposed to help him out, she wasn’t supposed to engage in more conversation than she had to. She wasn’t supposed to provide him anymore comfort than what a barista could. Yet, there was this aching need in her that wanted her to let him know he had a friend.

His eyes were screaming and for the entire week she hadn’t seen him, she knew that they had screamed more, and in silence. Just as her own, all those years ago.

Her heart ached, and her mind was torn; she knew that she wasn’t supposed to give Bucky hope, but not giving him hope would be hypocritical. She was him a long time ago, a storyless nobody in search for a quiet validation, and here he was, looking for the same. If she did not allow herself to help him now, she knew, that in her heart, she could never forgive herself.

And if Bucky didn’t want her kindness, he’d let her know. But, there was no way she could stop herself now.

✿

That evening, Bucky wanted to come by for the second time. However, from a distance, he noticed (y/n) was finishing up her shift and exiting BlueBells’ cafe. She was wearing regular clothes now, a dark blue tank top and blue jeans; not her cafe uniform. She had no smile on her, which was a bit eerie for him to see considering how she always had a smile on her face. However, he gave her the benefit of the doubt because there was no one around her.

If she smiled all the time, that’d be weird, he thought to himself. He wondered if he could go and say hello. He wondered if he could break that boundary by greeting her outside their assigned space.

Just when he thought not to, his eyes darted to a man following after (y/n). His eyes narrowed and he kept his pace, closely following behind the man who was tailing (y/n). A moment later, the man slammed the woman to the wall and screamed, words that confused Bucky, but angered him nonetheless.

    “Go back to where you came from, you freak!”

Bucky’s eyes were wide and it was outrageous as to how anyone could call (y/n) a freak. She was anything but that, and here was a man accusing her for the wrong thing.

Her eyes were wide, however she didn’t look terrified or even remotely scared. One of her hands went up to the man’s arms, holding it and was attempting to bring them off her. But before any words could be exchanged, Bucky intervened.

    “Get your hands off her, man.” Bucky warned, causing the man’s eyes to widen with fear.

    “You’re… You’re the Winter Soldier!”

Bucky hardened, and (y/n)’s gaze was on him now. He felt like he was on fire now, he felt like everything he had built now had gone. The man released (y/n), spat on the ground, and walked off, leaving just the two of them behind. Bucky immediately turned to leave, but a soft hand stopped him.

    “You didn’t have to step in, Bucky.” She sounded so earnest, it broke his heart.

He turned to her with a soft expression, and shook his head.

    “Couldn’t see that and not do anything.”

She smiled sadly at him and bit her lip, “Thank you. That was very kind of you.”

    “I won’t come by the cafe anymore, you won’t have to worry.” Bucky said, looking to the ground.

    “Oh, Bucky,” (y/n) answered, stepping near him, her hand still on his. She was holding his wrist with both hands now, preventing him from walking away. “Why not?”

He let out a dry chuckle before saying, “Wouldn’t want the Winter Soldier coming in.”

    “And why do you think that?”

He wasn’t aware how rapidly her heart was beating. She wasn’t aware of his.

    “I’m… I’ve got secrets, doll.”

She turned him around and now held both his wrists with both her hands. She smiled up at him, and this was the closest she had been to Bucky, especially it being the first time for them meeting outside the cafe. When she smiled at him, as she held his hands, he felt breathless.

    “I’ve got secrets too.” She said, blinking up at him slowly.

Bucky immediately thought of how her secrets were nothing compared to his, but he did understand that there were things she couldn’t tell him just as he had things he couldn’t tell her. With this knowledge, Bucky knew there was some room for camaraderie.

I’m a monster, though, both of them thought, right after opening their hearts just a little.

✿

series taglist:

@miamua-posts  @yourwonderbelle @kissingg-incars @tanya-diggory @s-0-ldat @iheartsebastianstan @taliarosej00 @coraz0ndcristal @vlogsquadbss @azriels-forgotten-shadow @gogoca @undiadeestos @justtrynagetthroughlife 

#bucky #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky imagine #bucky fanfiction #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fandom #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #james buchanan bucky barnes #bucky barnes x yn #avengers #marvel #mcu #sebastian stan #steve rogers #sam wilson #natasha romanoff #james barnes #james buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes x reader #james barnes x reader

[shieldedbythunder]

Okay, I’ve been having a LOT of feelings about a Thundershield Hades and Persephone style AU lately, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get around to actually writing it, but here, have a slew of headcanons and feels in the meantime.

So, first we have Steve, Lord of the Dead. Because death is equal, non-discriminate, the one form of justice that comes to all. When the universe was young and the gods were still dividing up their roles and domains, everyone looked to the hordes of shades; the sinners in need of punishment, the dead-eyed wanderers in search of rest, the faithful in fear that their belief had been for naught. And out of all the gods, Steve was the one who vowed to stand for them, to guide them on this new road and pass judgement where necessary. 

It’s a lonely life he leads. Mortals tremble at the very mention of his name; they hear tell of his stern, steely gaze, empty of emotion as he gazes into men's hearts to pass judgement, and take it as a sign of cold ruthlessness. A king with no pity in his heart, and icy claws to snatch away their very souls.  The other gods have little business in the realm of the dead, and the ones who visit never stay too long before they return to their own domain. And with nobody to talk to, he buries himself in his duties, widening the gulf ever further. But those who call Steve friend know that his smile is no less warm for all its rarity. The dead rest peacefully under his rule, speaking of him with reverence even as they wonder about his isolation. He may not be entirely happy, but he has no particular reason to be unhappy, and that is enough for him, for a time.

But then, everything changes. 

Thor, God of Fertility, walks the earth to spread cheer and prosperity wherever he goes, the blessing of his touch just as likely to beget a bountiful harvest as it is a thriving family. He is friend to all, and everyone is his friend, the echos of his laughter heard in the booming of the evening thunder. In short, he is everything that Steve is not.

One fine day, his wandering path happens to cross Steve’s, on a rare trip to the surface to meet with T’challa, king of the gods. Steve takes one look at Thor, at the golden sunlight in his hair, the gentle smile that never leaves his blue eyes, and oh, how his heart beats loud and fast, like a songbird awakening to find itself in a cage.

But Steve has always been a realist. He can see the polite distance in those lovely eyes, knows that Thor has no interest in the cold halls of the underworld and their colder lord. This is nothing more than a passing infatuation, he tells himself, and he will wait out any pining nonsense in silence.

Of course, he couldn’t have accounted for the rising colour in his cheeks being noticed by a bored trickster god looking to ruffle his brother’s feathers. 

Loki’s trick is a deceptively simple one. A strange tree, bearing fruit Thor has never seen before, piquing his curiosity as he tears through the flesh to sample the jewel-like seeds within. By the time, he’s made it halfway through, Loki’s restraint has broken down entirely, and he appears, chortling with laughter, to tell Thor of his new creation. Small though the tree is, its roots run deep through the earth - right down into the underworld, which means the fruit is considered of the realm of the dead. The realm Thor is now bound to, along with its stony-faced ruler.

The uproar is immediate. Thor will not hear of being bound to a realm of stone where the sun never shines; without his presence, the land and its people will surely wither away. Many are surprised to see that Steve’s vehemence in the matter equals that of the fertility god. He refuses to keep someone in his domain against their will, to condemn them a life of imprisonment. But at the end of the day, the law is the law, older than time itself. Thor has eaten food of the underworld, and thus is irrevocably tethered to it. 

Eventually, T’challa comes up with a suitable compromise; as Thor only ate half the pomegranate, it stands to reason that he need only spend half of each year below the earth. It’s not a perfect solution by any means, but everyone recognises that it’s the best they’re going to get. And so, after six months of helping the mortals stock up for his approaching absence, after putting off his departure as long as possible, Thor begrudgingly makes his way to the entrance of the underworld. Steve awaits him at the top of the stairs, his gruff greeting seeming to confirm the worst of the rumours Thor’s heard. As they make their descent, side by side, Steve knows he should break the awkward silence, should assure his guest that there’s nothing to be afraid of down here. But what can he possibly say that Thor would believe? He leads Thor to his new quarters, assures him that anything he needs will be provided for, and leaves him to settle, finally allowing his face to burn up in embarrassment .

The first winter, as Thor’s absence comes to be called above ground, is not quite as hostile as either of them had feared it would be. Steve is relieved that Thor holds no ill will against him for his predicament, Loki being the main focus of his ire. And Thor is surprised to find that Steve is considerably less cold than certain mortals and gods alike would have him believe. Still, things remain stilted between the two for a while, uneasy with their new living arrangement. Not helping is the fact that the two hardly see each other, Steve’s workload affording him precious little time for socialising as it is. Thor’s restlessness proves to be infectious, his constant pacing and prowling through the halls putting Steve on edge, unable to focus on his duties.

One evening, Steve visits Thor’s quarters. He apologises for neglecting the other god in favour of his duties, and suggests that he sit in on court the next day to hopefully help pass the time. Thor is a little surprised by the request, but appreciates Steve thinking of him. What harm could it do? So the next morning, he takes a seat on the sidelines of the great hall, watching as Steve ascends to the throne and calls forth the first souls to be judged. And for the next few hours, he watches the lord of the dead’s face carefully. True, Steve’s face betrays no emotion as each new penitent is brought before him, but his eyes tell a different story. A deep, weary grief fills them as he deals with children and innocents gone before their time, while the traitors and liars earn a cold fury that burns no less brightly for its quietness. And for the rest, a gentle, reassuring warmth that puts the lost at ease, even as their lord attempts to remain aloof. Thor leaves the court that day with much to think about.

Another few weeks pass. And this time, it is Thor who approaches Steve with a request. A walk, he asks for. Just the two of them, going for a stroll to know each other better. Steve protests, albeit weakly; his duties are many, he wouldn’t be good company, a thousand other excuses that trail away in the face of the earnest look in Thor’s eyes. After much planning and discussion and wracking of his brains, Steve finally acquiesces and hands the reins over to some of his colleagues for an afternoon.

So, they walk. And at first, it’s the same stilted silence they’ve known since Thor had first descended into the underworld, but then Thor plucks up his courage and takes the lead with the conversation. He becomes more and more animated as he asks Steve about his life down here, amuses him with stories of Loki’s mischief, asks about little marvels of the world around them. Though he’s a little bashful to be in the spotlight - there’s a world of difference of being at the centre of the court’s attention and being at the centre of Thor’s attention - Steve returns Thor’s efforts in kind, his dry sense of humour quick to make itself known. Before they know it, hours have passed in thoroughly enjoyable conversation. It becomes a ritual, once a week, for Steve to put aside his papers and join Thor for an afternoon stroll, and the halls seem a little brighter for the chuckles that echo through them as the pair of them go along their way.

Eventually, the six months come to an end, and the earth’s first spring beckons Thor back to the world of the living. And though both gods are glad to see the world resettling, Steve and Thor are both taken aback by the twinge of sadness that runs through them as they share a firm handshake at the underworld’s entrance before parting ways.

And so, the world begins the delicate waltz of the seasons. Thor continues his roaming, bringing life to the earth and its people, while Steve shepherds the dead on their path and tends to their needs. And when the six months are up, Thor rejoins Steve in the land below as the land above is covered in snow. Every autumn, Steve comes to greet Thor at the top of the steps, just as he had that first time. And over time, the perfunctory handshakes and formal greetings evolve into rib-crushing hugs, laughter between old friends. And further still, as the years roll on, into shy smiles and lingering touches, glances exchanged while they think the other isn’t looking. A wistful what-if in their ear, on their lips.

They can never quite agree who it was that initiated the first kiss, chaste as freshly fallen snow. All they remember is the shock that followed, staring wide-eyed at each other at the top of the steps to the underworld. One, two, three heartbeats, so full of fear and hope and need. Finally followed by slow-growing smiles of relief, jubilant laughter bubbling up as their lips meet again, and again, and again, something finally settling deep within them both. The news of their betrothal raises eyebrows throughout the mortal and immortal worlds, but one look at they way they shine in each other’s presence is more than enough to answer any questions raised.

And so, when the autumn comes and the first auburn leaves fall to the earth, the Lord of the Dead makes the climb up to the world above, and waits in the dappled sunlight. Hardly able to contain his wide smile as his beloved greets him with a crown of the last summer roses and a kiss sweeter than honeysuckle, before they walk down into the cool shadows below, hand in hand.

#this... ended up running away from me a bit #thundershield #text post #long post #conor rambles

[emeraldspiral]

Part 4 of my Thor rewatch thoughts:

The Jotenheim incident:

Heimdall says “You’re not dressed warmly enough”, but setting aside the fact that Loki and Thor can change their outfits into whatever they want, I always assumed they weren’t really affected by temperature since they don’t end up bundling up when they do go to Jotenheim, and can survive in the vacuum of space.

Did they pitch-shift Heimdall’s voice down? Why would they do that when Idris’s voice is already pretty deep?

Honestly, what even was up with Loki freezing in front of Heimdall? Was it part of his plan to make himself seem like Thor’s reluctant accomplice, or was he worried Heimdall had caught on to his plan?

Also, Heimdall doesn’t know for sure Loki can conceal himself from him until he goes to Jotenheim alone and Heimdall knows exactly where to look but doesn’t see him. But if Loki’s had this ability for a while, then surely Heimdall’s noticed that there have been times he tried to spot him and failed. So it’s not unreasonable for him to put two-and-two together and figure out that if Loki could sneak around behind his back, he might be able to conceal others from him as well. So I don’t think it’s fair to suggest, as I’ve seen others do, that Heimdall’s just always been prejudiced against Loki.

Really tho, the entire plot of this movie could’ve been averted if Heimdall had actually done his job. Imagine if the son of the South Korean president just waltzed up to the border and told the guards to open up the gate so he could punch Kim Jong Un in the face. Like, couldn’t they have had Loki do a Jedi Mind Trick or forge Odin’s signature on a fake permission slip or something to make Heimdall look like less of an irresponsible jackass?

The bifrost dome gives me deep body flashbacks to playing Riven in the 90s.

IMAGINE the conversation Heimdall would’ve had to have with Odin if his warning actually came to fruition. “Yeah, I knowingly transported your sons and their friends into enemy territory against your wishes and in violation of the tenuous truce you have with Laufey and they all died a horrible frozen death because I couldn’t bring them home without risking the security of Asgard. Hope Frigga’s baby-maker is still working because you’re gonna need a new heir ASAP to take care of Hela once your crusty-old ass kicks the bucket. You can handle delaying your Odinsleep and inevitable death another millennium-and-a-half until they’re old enough though, right?”

LMAO. One of the warriors says “We shouldn’t be here IMMEDIATELY upon landing. Like, doesn’t even wait for things to go sour. He got all the way down the bridge and through the trippy-space tunnel and then suddenly had second thoughts about 30 seconds too late.

“Your father is a murderer and a thief”. Wow, they were setting up that reveal since the beginning.

“You long for battle. You crave it. You're nothing but a boy trying to prove himself a man.” Okay, but Laufey’s not wrong tho.

Once again Thor, really not endearing yourself to me by telling Loki to shut up in just about the most disrespectful manner possible when he and Laufey are being completely reasonable.

I feel like I recall Laufey being pretty cold-blooded, and I guess he’d have to be to abandon Loki to die, but he’s honestly acting about as sensibly as Odin was before. He’s choosing to let Thor’s insolence slide to avoid war, rather than being eager to slay his enemy’s son even when it wouldn’t be the best thing for his people, as you’d expect a villain like him to do.

So here’s where it gets a little murky on what Loki was trying to accomplish. Like, he clearly set Thor up to go to Jotenheim and stir up trouble. But could he have predicted what happened after they arrived? Did he plan for Thor to start a fight and then chicken out and try to dissuade him when he realized they were outnumbered, or was he counting on being able to talk Thor down, thinking just the fact that they went to Jotenheim against Odin’s wishes would be enough to get him in trouble with their dad? At first I thought maybe the giant could’ve been an illusion Loki created to goad Thor into fighting. But no, that was a real giant, and Loki’s “damn” was a genuine reaction.

Also, Thor starting a goddamned war after Laufey very graciously offered to let him go scott-free because someone called him “Princess” is the epitome of not endearing me to this character. Neither does the line “At least make it a challenge for me!” Like, I thought it couldn’t get any worse than Superman beating the shit out of an ordinary human first thing after regaining his powers in Superman II, but Thor’s taking it to a whole other level. Like, he caves a guy’s face in with his hammer and says “That’s more like it!” Like, this isn’t a bar room brawl. People are dying and he’s loving it. He’s like a full-blown sadist. Also, Chris’s delivery of these lines sounds so much like “But I was going to Tosche station to pick up some power converters!”

Odin was absolutely right when he told Thor “You are unworthy of the loved ones you’ve betrayed”. Thor’s friends should hate his guts after this incident. He nearly got discount Westley from the Princess Bride and the rest of them killed. It makes no damn sense that they’re still all over his dick lamenting the unfairness of his punishment and trying to get him back when they have no evidence of Loki being up to anything.

Honestly, even if Loki felt bad about goading him into going to Jotenheim, Thor was still the one who chose to pick a fight instead of leaving peacefully. If I were Loki, I wouldn’t have even tried to speak up, cause Odin was saying nothing but the truth. I can’t tell if it’s a testament to Loki’s character that he loves his brother so much that even when he proves him entirely correct about not being ready for the throne (which was his whole plan all along) he still feels compelled to defend Thor, or if it’s a testament to how poor the writing is that they actually think Loki should feel bad and try to defend Thor, as if what Thor did wasn’t completely indefensible and he brought Odin’s reprimands upon himself. Loki may have provided the bait, but Thor didn’t have to take it.

I feel like 90% of the reason I, and everyone else, hate Odin is because of TDW, not this movie. Like, he seems level-headed enough with the wisdom he tries to bestow and he’s clearly distraught and on the verge of tears as he prepares to banish Thor. You can tell he’s disappointed and reluctant, but has to do his duty as king by giving Thor the punishment he absolutely deserves for his crimes. But in TDW he’s suddenly making a lot of bad decisions regarding how to deal with the Dark Elves and is absolutely stone cold toward Loki. He doesn’t show a hint of heartache over what his son has become or what he is duty-bound to do to him, and even seems to relish letting Loki know he’s essentially dead to him and he’s going to make the rest of his life as miserable as possible. I feel like this might’ve been done because they wanted Frigga to be the only one who hadn’t given up on Loki, so it’d be sadder when she died. But it had the side-effect of making it seem like Loki’s perception of being less-loved was a lot more valid than I think it was intended to be.

Thor has no way of knowing about the enchantment Odin put on the hammer because he wasn’t present for it, so how does he know later that the reason he can’t pick it up is because he isn’t “worthy” rather than just because he’s now mortal? Also, could anyone have picked up the hammer before, or was the enchantment always there and Odin just changed the conditions of what “worthy” was? Or could Thor have picked up the hammer before because he had his powers, but then couldn’t because he was stripped of them and reduced to mortal strength and only got the godly strength he need to be able to lift the hammer when the hammer deemed him worthy?

Also, how does making Thor mortal work exactly? Do Asgardians have some equivalent of the heart-shaped herb from Black Panther that gives them their superpowers or are they actually born that way and Odin can somehow suppress their super strength and other magical powers?

#thor #loki #heimdall #odin #thor 2011 #marvel #marvel comics #mcu

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 10: Put Your Foot Down

Chapters: 10/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Warnings: Appearance of a (fake) snake (Fnake?) Relationships: Loki x Reader (But not yet) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), OFC, Brunnhilde/Valkyrie(Marvel), Pepper Pots, Steve Rogers/ Captain America Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending, Loki is Not Acting Like a Responsible Prince Right Now, Reader Fights Back, Brunnhilde Approves, Time for a Check In  Summary: Loki is reminded that Reader is not a subject of Asgard, and Doesn’t Enjoy It, pranks are played, Andsvarr is as earnest as ever, and Captain America has some advice

“And the Aether was one of the stones, only in liquid form?” You asked. “That’s just a thing that can happen?”

“It was the Reality stone, so yeah, I guess so.”

“And it was just…inside a person. Like blood. “

“I don’t know how it happened, I was across the universe at the time. Ask Loki, he was there.” Brunnhilde closed the book she had been reading to you from, hiding a terrifying picture of a being labeled ‘Kurse’. “I was under the impression that you might know about her. She’s a mortal lady, and she had a thing with the king for a little while.”

“Well…I might have heard of her, but I don’t really follow celebrity gossip, you know? It seems kinda skeevy.”

Brunnhilde laughed. “Girl, I’ve seen skeevy. I’ve been skeevy! You want skeevy, I could tell you some stories that would…probably scar you for life, actually. So never mind.”

“Look, I just don’t understand how ‘ Picture-Taking Creepo Stalker’ is a legal profession when it comes to celebrities, but a literal crime when it comes to everyone else.” You shrugged. “I hate that kind of double standard, and I won’t support it.”

“In that case, never leave the city with the prince at your side.” Brunnhilde warned. “There are some pretty obsessive people hanging out around the city, and we don’t know for sure what they might be capable of.”

“Hey, I met some of those people. And I can’t really argue with you, I guess. One of them was really nice! Like, above and beyond nice. And I’m sure most of them are. But there were some mean ones too. I, uh, I don’t think you’d get along with their crowd.”

“If by ‘get along’ you mean ‘crush under my heel’ then yeah, probably.”

“Yeah, probably.” You echoed. A bunch of campers probably didn’t stand much chance against a warrior goddess, no matter how much umbrage some of them might take with her skin color.

“I kinda miss them though.” Other humans. People who understood your world, and who couldn’t snap your bones by grabbing you too hard.

“Even the mean ones?”

“Ehh, well, I can’t say I feel all that sorry for that guy. He was really rude to me. But Loki taught him a hard lesson, and I can only hope he learned something from it.”

“Rather like the hard lessons the Svartalfari taught us, for our past invasion attempts.” Brunnhilde grabbed another book, opening it to a specially marked page. “Ha, you see what I did there?”

“I did. Very clever. So what am I looking at? I can’t read it.”

“Oh right. Well, this is Svartalfari writing on this page, and the Asgardian translation on the opposite page.  I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I wish Loki was here. His projections are very useful , since you can’t read any of this.”

Loki slid around a bookcase. “I heard that.” He purred smugly.

Brunnhilde groaned and rolled her eyes, dropping her face into her hands.

“Norns, cut my string.” She begged. “Well, since you’re here, care to pull up Svartalfheim?”

“Perhaps later. For now, _____ come with me. You are to use our computer, and contact this forum of yours-“

“No.” You said.

There was a moment of silence.

“What?” Loki asked, incredulous. A look of glee spread across the Valkyrie’s face.

“I said no.” Maybe it was a bad idea to challenge him so abruptly like this, but the imperious tone he’d been using raised your hackles. Ordering you around was not a habit you could allow him to get into.

“What’s brought this on?” He demanded, indignant.

“There’s just no call to talk to me like that, that’s all.”

He slid onto the bench next to you, graceful as a panther, and projecting just as much danger. You glared straight into his eyes, watching his expression fill with irritation. And just like that, you were in a stand-off.

“You are not my equal.” He said, voice velvety and threatening. Don’t back down now, don’t back down…

“I’m not.” You said calmly. You dealt with irate customers all the time. All you had to do was keep a calm façade. “But I’m also not your subject or your servant. I’m not even your employee. Therefore, I decide what orders I obey. It’s not going to be all of them, no matter what you want.”

He looked completely taken aback. Clearly, he had been getting too used to your obedience. Nip it in the bud.

His stare was getting a little too intense. You looked away, just to see Brunnhilde practically sprawled across the table, chin balanced in her palms. Her delighted expression only brightened as she noticed your attention, gaze spearing Loki as she silently dared him to do anything.

“Fine.” He huffed. “Since you are being so particular, I don’t suppose you’d at least tell me why you won’t contact them? I assume it’s more than just a sudden burst of childish contrariness?”

Brunnhilde snorted.

“I can’t contact them because I’ve been blocked on the forums. You know, kicked out? Banished? Because of you. I can’t even access the pages. And you can’t make an account. You’re the reason they shunned me, you think they’ll talk to you? These people are paranoid, your Highness, they’re conspiracy theorists. Some of them have been institutionalized because of what they remember, and the rest are afraid that the same will be done to them. Not only do they have to live with the terrible things they remember, but they have to fear what might be done to them because of it.”

“I can provide them validation. Confirm that what they remember was real, and give them an explanation.” He pointed out, but you shook your head.

“They aren’t going to trust you, and you can’t reason with someone if they don’t trust you. And I can’t reach them anymore. The security footage from my work has gone viral. Anyone I talk to is going to think that you’re holding me hostage and making me say whatever you want.”

“Ugh, you really are useless!”

“Your reputation is not my fault. And besides, what are you even going to do with them? Tell them they all might be magic? And then what? You wanna teach them magic things? Where are you going to house them? Do you have a school? Are you just going to hunt down and kidnap the ones who don’t want to come? What’s your plan?”

“All I asked-“

“Ordered.”

“-was that you contact them. I never said I was going to go on a people-snatching rampage!”

“Google your name right now! You are already famous for doing exactly that!”

“To save your life!” He shouted.

“Nobody knows that!” You shouted back.

He threw his hands into the air. “Enough! I’m leaving! Stay and see if you can’t learn something through your burgeoning contrariety, I’ll be seeking out reasonable company!”

He stormed away through the library, ignoring the attention he’d brought on himself. The library doors weren’t the kind that could be slammed, but he made a spirited try.

You blew out a long breath, willing your heart to stop pounding. Brunnhilde actually giggled.

“That was delightful.” She praised.

“I’m so dead.” You moaned. “My stupid temper always gets me in trouble. I’m a goddamn adult, why can’t I keep my mouth shut?”

“You’re pretty when you’re mad.” She pointed out. “Not everyone’s so lucky. Besides, he’s just pissed because he mistook a few days of you being mostly obedient due to shock, as you two getting along perfectly.”

“He’s gonna kick my ass. Not literally, probably. He doesn’t seem like the kind to punch a woman for disobedience, but somehow…”

“Yeah, you’re pretty much guaranteed to find a snake in your bed tonight.” She agreed.

“Joke’s on him; I like snakes.”

“Do you really? Well, allow me to teach you about the supermassive black hole we’ve described as ‘gnawing the roots of Yggdrasil’. It’s swallowed multiple galaxies, and shows no signs of stopping. And so, we have named it Niddhogg…”

                                                                                      *****

 The snake was not in your bed, but in your bath; very large, and very green, it circled the entire tub. You paused upon seeing it, unsure if it was real. Were there any snakes in Iceland? You would say it was too cold, but you had seen common garden snakes in the snow before, and it was perfectly warm in here.

You finally decided that it could not be real. It was far too big to have gotten in without being seen. You stepped past it into the water. It hissed, and then disappeared into a sparkle of green light.

The next one might be real though.

However, if simple little pranks like that were all you received in revenge for flouting the prince, you could handle it.

The shampoo fizzled oddly as you massaged your scalp. Your hair would smell like him against your pillow, something that still made you uncomfortable.

You hadn’t gone to dinner, just asked for a sandwich to be sent to the library while you tried to make sense of the illustrations you’d been shown. You had never gotten around to finishing the lesson on Svartalfheim.

You still had to wear his bathrobes. Everything here was his. You had to make sure you didn’t get added to the collection.

Passing his long mirror, you noticed that the fizzing shampoo had done something drastic to your hair.

It was green.

Fury rose in you, but you stamped it down. He wanted you to react. Yes, you were disgusted that he had physically altered your body without your permission, but if you just didn’t react, he might give up. Or he might try to do even worse things.

You went straight to bed after your bath, but found that your blankets held no warmth.

What a little bastard.

                                                                                   *****

The next day found you tired, cold, and stiff, with dark circles under your eyes. Your hair was still green. Saldis very kindly said nothing about any of this when she brought your clothes and breakfast. More tasty oatmeal, and more conspicuous green and black clothing.

“Any more books?” You asked.

She shook her head. “Nothing new, I’m afraid. Is there anything else I can get for you instead?”

“Well, I don’t want to ask for too much, but if you have any art supplies lying around…”

“I’ll see what I can scrounge up. I know for sure we have plenty of pencils and paper. Seems like we are in a new era of kingship, where great battles are won on paper and with words. I prefer it, but don’t tell anyone I said so. My mother and father are too fond of their swords.”

“Not much call for sword battles around here anymore.”

“Let’s hope it stays that way. But just in case it does not, my parents still know how to swing theirs. Need any help with dressing?”

“Oh, no. I can definitely put on my own clothes.” You refrained from mentioning your wrongful placement of the jewelry earlier. “But while I’m dressing, could you tell me about yourself? “

And tell me if I’m wearing something wrong?

“Not all that much to tell, really. My mother is a palace servant, my father a guardsman. It’s a pretty common arrangement. I have mediocre swordmanship, but I’m very good at multitasking, so it was pretty obvious who I took more after. I went into training for the palace just after my schooling was completed.”

“Servants go to school too?” You asked.

“Certainly. Didn’t you?”

“Oh yeah, twelve years of it. But it wasn’t always like that. I think public schooling for everyone is pretty recent. And I’m not sure every country has it.”

“Well, we do. The law was set into place by Allfather Borr, about fifty thousand years ago. If I’m counting Midgardian years correctly.”

“Fifty thousand? “ You almost shouted. “But wasn’t he Loki-er, the Prince’s grandfather? He fought with the Vanir? It was that long ago?”

“Oh, have you been learning our history? That’s great! Yes, he was king before Allfather Odin, and he did a lot of great things. Pacifying and making reparations to the Vanir was one of them. Good thing too; they may not be as powerful as us, but they live even longer, so their memories don’t fade quickly. No one holds a grudge like a Vanir.”

You finished dressing and held your arms out from your sides for inspection. She declared you adequate, but decided to finish you up with some braids.

It turned out that Saldis was a braiding master. She knew dozens of ways to braid, for all hair lengths and textures.

Even though your hair was still green, and you still had sleep-sunken eyes, you felt fresher and less stiff. The breakfast helped tremendously. You almost felt presentable when you stepped out of your room.

Loki was in the small library again, still studying the Alfar book. He glanced at you briefly, smug smile crossing his features as he took in your green hair.

Don’t react.

“Will I be having more lessons today?” You asked.

“Not with me.” He said. “And likely not with Brunnhilde either. We’re both busy.”

“Oh. Nothing at all for me to do then?”

“Just stay put and be patient. Perhaps contact your captain, so that he doesn’t start thinking you’re trapped in my evil clutches, or some nonsense.”

Am I not?

“Sure. Do I just…you said there was a computer? I guess I could make a skype call or something. Do I need an escort?”

“Of course you do. You’re you. If I send you out on your own you’ll probably end up in Newfoundland.”

“It was one time!” You protested. “And it was your guards that kicked me out, might I remind you!”

“Speaking of…Andsvarr.” He called, and the young guard poked his head in. Loki spoke to him in their own language, lovely flowing sounds both foreign and soothing. Andsvarr nodded, bowed, then indicated that you should follow him.

“You speak with friends, yes? “ He asked on the way down the corridors. “Tell good times here?”

“Yeah, it hasn’t been bad so far. Kinda weird, but not bad. I feel like I should be freaking out a bit more than I am, but I’ve had it pointed out that I might be kinda in shock, which I guess makes sense.”

“Ah! Slow! Please.” Andsvarr begged, flipping through his little book. “Please. What ‘freaking’? Do not see.”

“Oh, sorry!” Loki had said he learned fast, but that didn’t mean he knew it all yet. Frankly, you were impressed he knew as much as he did in such a short time. You could barely pick out ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in Asgardian. “That means to be scared. So much, you can’t think.”

“Scared, yes. You are?”

“I should be. More than I am, anyway. Maybe it just hasn’t come yet.”

“I will guard.” Andsvarr promised, and you smiled. What a sweet kid.

He led you into a little room, flanked on both sides by more guards, who only let you pass after you held out your hand, and Andsvarr explained what you were to do here. You assumed, anyway. One of them left before the other opened the door.

Inside the room were a few chairs, and one completely average computer, the kind you used to use at school.

“King knows how to work it.” Andsvarr said. “We wait for him now.”

You grinned wide, and poked the power button. Andsvarr gasped as the machine booted up.

“Midgardian technology.” You explained. “I grew up with this.”

He slapped his forehead. “Yes!” He laughed.

“You will still need my password, I’m afraid.” Thor said, stepping into the room. How did a man so large make so little noise? Andsvarr bowed deeply.

“You’re Alarr’s boy, aren’t you?” Thor asked. Andsvarr answered quickly and nervously, gesturing at you. You thought you heard Loki’s name in the flow of unfamiliar words.

“Oh, really? Well, good for you! It can be very difficult, not following your fathers path, but you seem to be doing quite well for yourself.”

Something strange was going on here. Andsvarr didn’t understand that much English, spoken that fast, but he seemed to understand Thor just fine. You didn’t know why the king was using your language to talk to one of his own people.

Thor typed in his password, and you started up the video call on your own. Both men hovered on the periphery, waiting to see what happened. It was amusing, but you didn’t want whoever picked up to think you were being monitored for content.

The screen lit up with the face of a lovely ginger lady.

“Well!” She said. “You’re not the king of Asgard.”

“Definitely not.”

“But I am.” Thor leaned over your shoulder. Greetings, Lady Potts, are Tony or Steve available? We have business.”

“So I’ve heard. You must be _____ _______.”

“Yes ma’am. I’m supposed to check in every week. So here I am!”

Andsvarr asked something.

“New York. It’s a city in a country across the sea.” Thor answered.

Andsvarr asked something else.

“No, their technology comes from a different source. It’s mostly electricity based.”

“Let me go get Steve.”

“Hey, what’s going on with that?” You asked while she was gone. “You’re talking to him, but in English?”

“It’s not English. Literally everything can understand me when I speak, if I want them to. It comes with being Asgardian royalty. Loki can do it too, but he doesn’t always use the ability. He likes keeping a few secrets.”

He would want to be able to say things you couldn’t understand. Give orders you wouldn’t know about. Set up things without you being able to see it coming.

 Captain America-Steve Rogers appeared on the screen. Your insides filled with butterflies. Here was your favorite hero, once again! He wasn’t even wearing his mask.

“Good morning. Mrs. Potts tells me you’re here for your check in? Hello Thor. Young man.”

Andsvarr looked at Thor, who grinned genuinely.

“Good to see you again! Keeping busy? You see we are keeping up our end of the bargain.”

“I see. Look, not to be rude, but could you and your man-“

“Get the Hel out? I figured it would be like that. If you have time for a chat afterwards…?”

“Actually, I do. We really need to catch up.”

Thor agreed, and led Andsvarr out.

“How are you doing?”

“So much better than I was. You said you guys contacted my dad? He told you I was sick, right? Like, barely able to get out of bed, sick?”

“Yes, he did say that.”

“We’ve figured out part of what caused it.”

“Did it have something with your meeting with Loki about six months ago?”

“Er, yeah. I wouldn’t call it a meeting really, I didn’t know it was him at the time. All of that really was an accident. But hey, do you know anything about magic?”

“If you’re expecting me to say I don’t believe in it, I can’t. Seen too much.”

“Well, that makes talking about this a bit easier then. It turns out I can do magic. Or I will be able to do magic, once I learn how.”

You explained nearly everything to him, save for your remembrance of the Tragedy that Never Was, and your conflicting thoughts about Loki-those fears were not yet founded and didn’t need bringing up.

He had messages from your father and Tara, from your coworkers. You cried a little at that point, missing them all, even your old job. Then you had to reassure him that you were fine, being treated well, that no one had caused you any harm. He had a lot of questions about Loki, most of which you couldn’t answer. Somehow, neither him, nor anyone else had offered any comment on your green hair.

“Are you comfortable with showing me this mark?” He asked you, and you nodded, holding out your hand. At least the damn thing wasn’t in some embarrassing place. “We can do some research as well, just in case Loki isn’t entirely on the level about helping you out. How has it been affecting you?”

“The past few days I’ve been mostly just eating and sleeping a whole lot. I look healthier now, but it’s not all me. There’s some kind of…energy transfer, I guess? I don’t really understand it yet, but I guess I’m kinda leeching energy from Loki right now. Probably will be until I get healthy on my own again. But that’s the real reason I can’t leave. If I get too far away from him, I get sick again. I’ve already tested this; it’s true.”

“Experimental medical procedure?”

“Very experimental. But I’m okay here, I really am. No one has been cruel to me. Even Loki has been…tolerable at worst, pretty decent mostly.”

“He’s unpredictable.” He warned.

“I know. I’ve seen a bit of it. But I haven’t been hurt. I think maybe you might talk to Thor about that a little? Stuff might have happened out in space, you know?”

“Is that your way of saying you’re done talking to me?”

“Sorry! I just don’t have anything else to report. But these are good people here. Different, but good. So far, everyone’s been so kind to me, and they really didn’t have to be. I’m just some stranger their prince brought home, after all. But they’ve all been really responsible and nice. So like, if there’s ever anything that can be done for them-“

“Don’t worry about that. Thor has allies here, and all the Nordic countries have acted very positively towards this new Asgard. They have support. You just see to yourself. Make sure to tell us if anything causes you trouble, anything at all. I don’t doubt that these are good people-mostly. But they are not human, and they may not all see you as a life worth valuing. Loki himself might change his mind at any time. I’m sure Thor will try to keep him under control, but he has not always succeeded at that.”

‘I’ve been known to change my mind on less than a whim.’

“I’ll try to keep it in mind.”

“You do that, Miss. I’ll talk to you again in about a week.”

You nodded and said your goodbyes, then you went and fetched Thor, leaving him to talk, while Andsvarr escorted you back to Loki’s rooms.

#lasabrjotr #loki x reader #loki (marvel) #thor (marvel) #brunnhilde (marvel) #valkyrie (marvel) #Steve Rogers #captain america #pepper potts #marvel fanfiction

[imagine-loki]

fear and other related emotions

TITLE: Fear and Other Related Emotions

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter-20

AUTHOR: latent-thoughts ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine meeting Loki to interrogate him while he is incarcerated in the Helicarrier glass enclosure. He initially tries to scare you away but then becomes interested in you as you keep talking to him. RATING: NC-17/ MA NOTES/WARNINGS: Warning for explicit sexual situations and violence (combat/fighting/interrogations).

A/N: A lot of plot happening, along with a helping of feels. It’s not too bad, though. (Is it?)

________________________________________

Reva was sitting up in the bed, with her back resting against the extra fluffy pillows the medical staff had provided her with upon Stark’s insistence. There was a big high table right next to her, with essentials like water and medicines placed on it for her benefit. Beyond that, there were all kinds of monitoring machines, which were humming and beeping every now and then, keep a watch on her vitals, all through a non-invasive wireless device attached to her wrist.

From the looks of it all, it seemed that she still had Tony Stark’s favour, though he hadn’t said a word to her himself. With anyone else, she’d not have given it a second thought, but Stark not speaking to her at all… that had her on edge.

Of course, she knew that from his perspective, she was a traitor. She wondered just how many people shared that perspective with Stark, though. She knew, for certain, that Agent Barton did.

Well, from what she had heard of the Avengers’ conversation while they were in her room, at least Thor was on her and Loki’s side somehow.

Her and Loki… there was so much that she didn’t know, but she knew that her and Loki were still on the same side. Earlier, she hadn’t been so sure about it, but after the things she saw in Hel’s mind, she stood on a firmer ground regarding Loki. But that didn’t mean that she wasn’t still angry with him…

She sighed and tried to stretch her arms a bit, taking in a deep breath. It scared her to do so, considering how severe she knew her injury had been. Though, nothing really happened as she stretched herself a bit and took deep gulps of air into her lungs. The expected pain didn’t manifest at all. In fact, post waking up, she hadn’t felt any pain at all; not in her chest, not anywhere else. The only thing she felt was weakness.

All in all, she was faring much better than she knew she ought to, especially for someone who had been stabbed through her chest.

She had also gotten a look at her medical reports. Her vitals were… not what she’d call normal, and she was sure she knew why. Also, there was no mention of a pregnancy in the reports. She wasn’t sure whether she was relieved or just merely confused at that bit of information.

The door to her room opened, prompting her to cut her arm stretching midway.

Thor came rushing in, almost scaring her with the intense look on his face. He approached her straight up and took her hand in his massive one.

She could only gape and watch as he brought it to his lips and bestowed a light kiss on her knuckles. He clapped his other hand over it and squeezed hers, though not enough to crush it.

“I’m thrilled to have you as part of my family, Reva Anderson. Not just that, I’m very intrigued and fascinated as well, given how difficult my brother can be at times.”

Reva sputtered, trying to make sense of his words. He was acting as though she had gotten married to Loki. Honestly, the thought hadn’t crossed her mind at all until this very moment. And she wasn’t yet sure how she felt about it.

“I’m… glad, I guess?”

A muted snort caught her attention then, and she finally focused behind Thor’s mountainous form.

Loki stood at the foot of her bed, sans his armour, wearing a simple dark t-shirt and track pants. He looked paler than usual, with prominent dark circles below his eyes. Even his hair looked unkempt, draped around his shoulders in wild waves.

He wasn’t looking at her, keeping his eyes downcast. His clenched fists were the only sign of how utterly anxious he was.

She took in a slow breath, attempting to calm herself. Seeing him, especially after the crap she had been through, was, simply put, overwhelming.

Thor noticed her shift in focus, for he let go of her hand and moved away immediately, making way for Loki, she assumed.

“You look like shit,” she blurted out, as it suddenly dawned on her that she hadn’t seen him in this worse a condition, ever.

Loki looked up at her then, as Thor chuckled but remained silent.

As their gazes met, Reva felt an intense urge to leap towards him.

His eyes looked so haunted, so weary, that she nearly forgot how angry she had been with him.

“Well, he did resort to using his life force to revive you,” Thor said at last, as if he couldn’t help himself from speaking up, ignoring Loki as he fixed a glare at him. “And he fainted afterwards, much like certain overcome maidens in your Midgardian romances of the old.”

“What?” Reva wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry or to just scream… though, least of all at Thor’s interest in historical romance novels.

“He exaggerates,” Loki said through gritted teeth, never once unclenching his fists. Even his voice sounded tired as hell, making Reva wonder just how much it cost him to revive her.

“Oh, I do not exaggerate at all. After all, it was I who carried you all the way here.” Thor turned to Reva then, and his jovial expression sobered a bit. “I’ll be outside.”

Reva nodded, appreciating that he understood her unspoken need to speak to Loki alone.

“I’m not sure where to begin,” she said after Thor had left the room, shifting her gaze back on Loki, who was now trying to look everywhere but at her, “but you’re in a mess.”

His jaw flexed, and he seemed to struggle in finding the right words. “Oh, you don’t know half of it.”

“I may, in fact, know more than you do, you overbearing, arrogant asshole! I’ve had enough of your deceptions.” She was seething now. Her concern over his physical condition only added to her anger with him.

“Well, I am known for deceit,” he muttered, trying his typical tactic of sarcasm to counter whatever he was feeling. “But how do you know more than me, pray tell?”

“Because I had a tête-à-tête with your so-called daughter, and it wasn’t a pleasant one at all.” She wondered how much she could say about that conversation, since she was sure as hell that Stark and co. were listening.

Loki’s eyes immediately found hers, and he looked decidedly shaken. “What?”

“When were you planning to tell me about your own little encounter with her?”

Loki paled, and finally those fists unclenched. Though, now his hands were trembling. Looking up from his hands, she found him glaring at her. She couldn’t believe he had the audacity to be angry with her now.

“I’m so done with you, with all of this sneaky bullshit of yours! For once, Loki, just fucking tell me what the hell is goin—” She stopped midway through her rant as she saw his eyes losing focus. Then, his body hunched forward. “Loki? Loki!”

She threw the bedcovers off and tried to reach him quickly. Though, due to her weakness, it felt like her limbs were made of jelly.

Meanwhile, Loki had managed to not crumple to the floor by grabbing on to her bed.

“Loki, what the fuck,” she exclaimed, taken by surprise and dread as she tried to pull him up by his shoulders. He was really heavy, and she was still in recovery. It made for a bad combination in trying to do so.

It took a bit of shoving his ass sideways, with him helping along by lifting himself up for a bit, but at long last, she got him on the bed.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Thor told you,” he murmured, lying on his back, panting with the effort it took him to haul his body over. “I occasionally have bouts of weakness.”

Reva felt completely out of her depth here, as she watched the man she considered extremely resilient reduced to a mess of weak and trembling limbs on her bed.

“Loki, we need to talk… but first, freaking get yourself together.”

“I missed you too…” He managed a faint smile, but even that looked like an effort on his part.

“Shut up!” she growled, knocking his slippers off as she tried to get him to shift his tall frame fully on to the mattress. “Why do I feel like you’re in this condition for more reasons than merely saving me from certain death?”

“You’re welcome. It’s becoming our pattern, isn’t it?” He looked up at the ceiling, the haunted expression returning.

She shook her head. “Don’t try to change the topic.”

“I have told Thor, in a very summarized manner, and I’m willing to tell you.”

“Well, I’m pleased to know that.” She lay down as well, though she wondered if it was fine to just fall back into the easy familiarity she had come to share with Loki. After all that had happened, cuddling up with him felt… strange. So, she made sure to keep a bit of distance between her and him.

“It’s those stones. They’re leeching my seidr because I’m holding them in my interdimensional storage.”

“Pull them out then.”

He shook his head, letting out a derisive snort. “It’s not that easy, Reva. Your realm is already in much trouble, and if Ultron gets his hands on them, it’d be even worse off.”

“But how will you recover, then?”

“I don’t plan to keep them for long, but I need to keep them safe.”

She shifted on the bed, trying to dispel the urge to reach out and hold him. “I understand… but why is this depletion happening now? You always had them with you.”

He sighed, rubbing his face with his palms. “I’ve acquired another one. I wasn’t planning to, but it just… happened.”

“Hmm.” He wasn’t telling her the whole truth of it, but she couldn’t really blame him either. She was sure that with his magic depleted, he was unable to use it to block the spying devices in the room.

Pulling his hands away from his face, he met her eyes and gave her a rueful smile. “I am being honest, as you asked me to be.”

Now she sighed, feeling exhausted, both emotionally and physically. “It’s almost too late, you know. I almost died.”

“I saved you.”

“Thank you, honestly… but that’s not the point.”

He turned on his side slowly, facing her, his expression curious and something else… something she couldn’t put her finger on as yet.

“Did she threaten you?“

He meant Hel, that much she could decipher.

“She tried to.”

“Tell me.” He put his hand upon hers on the pillow, his fingers entwining with hers.

Her eyes narrowed, and she pulled her hand away. “Not until you tell me everything, Loki. I’m tired of the lies and hiding.”

His brows furrowed for a moment, as if he was trying to interpret her words for a deeper meaning, but then, his expression cleared and turned blank. “You weren’t so adamant when everything was going in your favour. When no one knew of your association with me.”

His tone was accusative and mistrusting, and she felt like smacking him for it. “Are you accusing me of being selfish now? Are you truly thinking that I’m this pissed off because of my reputation? Well yes, it does bother me that now many people here think that I’m a traitor, but that isn’t my priority right now!”

He bit his lip and looked away. It seemed like a million things were going through his head. All bad.

She was about to say that he was her priority right now, when the door opened with a bang, distracting her.

Thor rushed into the room, looking extremely harried and close to a meltdown. That put Reva on high alert, because Thor was hardly ever this affected by any stressful situation.

“Loki!”

“I’m fine.”

“I can clearly see that. But I didn’t barge into the room for that. There is another pressing matter.”

“What?”

Before Thor could utter anything else, Tony Stark’s voice boomed from the invisible speakers in the ceiling, replacing the usual monotone of Friday.

“Uh, guys, this is some next level shit right here.”

“What is going on?” Reva asked, looking at the brothers in confusion, who weren’t really looking well stocked with answers.

“There is a distinctly alien ship on my helipad but it’s blasting seventies’ songs and asking for permission to land. We haven’t a clue as to who this is, but one of them just mentioned Loki’s name.”

“What?”

“She calls herself Idunn of Asgard.”

Now, Loki’s expression changed from blank and glassy to panicked, while Thor’s eyebrows went up in obvious surprise.

“Did you say Idunn?” he asked, pronouncing the name slowly and clearly, for Stark’s benefit.

“Did I stutter?” replied Stark, sounding offended.

From the corner of her eye, Reva saw Loki cover his face with his hand, shaking his head.

———————————————

The room was crowded… crowded with an assortment of people. It was a diverse lot, to say the least.

There was a talking racoon, a moving tree (who only spoke three words), a knife wielding guy who looked hulk levels of angry all the time, a pair of blue and green sisters… not to mention the duo who had brought them all here—Loki’s Aesir friend and the ultra-tall blue guy with crimson eyes… who also happened to be her husband. They brought their six children with them too, who were still sleeping in their ship.

Oh, and there was a human among them as well, who smugly introduced himself as Star Lord, though his real name, as revealed by others, was Peter Quill.

The calm within the common room felt artificial, considering the weird circumstances. Well, at least the introductions had gone smoothly enough. Though, Reva did catch how Thor was watching Loki’s friend, Idunn, and her husband, Thjazi, with narrowed eyes, as if he wasn’t sure what to make of them. It wasn’t a hostile gaze, just cautious and confused.

Through it all, Loki was looking the prickliest of them all. Somehow, that didn’t surprise Reva at all.

She was sitting in a wheelchair, and so was he. While she had graciously accepted it, he had to be threatened into sitting in one by Thor, who was now hovering right behind them, Mjolnir in hand.

Tony Stark spoke up first, clapping his hands together. “Well, this is not strange at all. I mean, I’m a good host and all, but aliens showing up at my door is not a very thrilling prospect for me. Speaking from past experience—” He gestured at Loki, without looking his way “—no offence to you guys.”

“Are you referring to the time he was sent to conquer Terra and retrieve the Tesseract?” the green sister—Gamora—asked, her sharp eyes moving from Stark to Loki.

The blue sister—Nebula—was already staring at Loki with her pitch-black eyes. “A mission he failed so spectacularly that we had to wonder whether he did so deliberately.”

Honestly, these two struck Reva as the creepiest of the lot that had just arrived on Earth. There was something off about them, but she knew too little of them to understand what exactly it was.

“And what if I did fail deliberately?” Loki spat out, his voice filled with venom as he glared right back at her. “Are you two going to run to your most loving father for it?”

“He doubted our integrity because of you!” Nebula growled, taking a step in his direction, only to be pulled back by Gamora.

“I wasn’t the one visiting you, was I? Your sister came to my cell, offering help and camaraderie.” Loki left the wheelchair in a flash, looking poised to face off with Nebula. Much like Gamora, Thor grabbed him and kept him from moving in her direction.

“Are you telling me that rock of ages was not rocking on because of his diva tendencies?” Stark’s eyebrows rose up so high that there was a good chance of them disappearing into his hairline. “I’m… so lost.”

Thor gave him a nod of affirmation, though Reva wasn’t sure that Stark was paying full attention to it.

Loki fumed as Thor held him by his arm. “You would know more about diva tendencies than anyone here, I suppose.”

“Touché.” Stark shrugged. “By the way, I liked you better as Luke. He had less of a stick up his ass.”

“Really Tony.” Natasha Romanoff rolled her eyes at him. “Get over it.”

“Are you sure we’re at the right place?” Peter asked Idunn, cutting through the arguments. She nodded, though she appeared to be debating that very thing herself.

“Uh, this is all intense and shit, but we have a reason to be here. Freaking focus, guys.” It was Rocket, the racoon, who spoke up, walking to the middle of the room and climbing up on a sofa. He stood atop it and faced everyone, hands resting on his waist. “Here’s the deal, people. We’re here because there’s a crazy dude called Thanos out there who’s wrecking everything in his path… who also happens to be their so-called dad.” He pointed at Gamora and Nebula, who bristled and glared at him.

“He’s not our father!” they both muttered in unison.

Interesting…

“Okay fine.” Rocket waved at them dismissively. “Like I said, he’s crazy, he needs to be stopped. He just blew up a planet and we could barely rescue a few people.”

A string of gasps and ‘what?’ followed, which obviously irked Rocket because his speech wasn’t done yet.

“So these guys were in Xandar for some sort of inter-planetary conference.” He pointed at Idunn and Thjazi, who both nodded solemnly. “We were there too, though no one asked for our opinion on anything, really. Anyway, everything blew up. We rescued them and went through some shitty times trying to relocate the survivors. We’re here because, well, Thanos is after some specific things, called the Infinity Stones. And he may come here because Loki is here, and he has them.”

Now it was Reva’s turn to gasp aloud, watching, as everyone turned their focus on Loki, most of them furious. Except Stark. Yeah, he was listening in…

Loki opened his mouth to speak but Thor beat him to it. “Yes, he has them, so that no one else will get ahold of them.”

“You knew about this?” Steve Rogers asked, speaking up for the first time, looking straight at Thor, a hint of mistrust in his tone.

“Ah yes, just the way I knew my brother was alive,” Thor replied sarcastically, though equal measures of annoyed as well. “Of course not. He just told me after he woke up.”

“Right, blondie, I wasn’t accusing him. Just stating facts.” Rocket thumped his palm against his forehead. “This is exhausting.”

“I didn’t even know there was a planet called Xandar,” Tony mused, looking down at the floor. “And now it’s gone.”

“There are many such planets,” Gamora revealed, finally letting go of Nebula, now that she appeared to be less murderous. “They’ll be destroyed as well if we don’t act.”

“We have our own problem here, though.” Natasha Romanoff twirled a metallic stick in her hand, which looked to be some sort of compact weapon. “We need to deal with that first, I think.”

“What sort of problem?” asked Idunn, stepping around everyone to reach Loki. “Are you behind it?”

Loki rolled his eyes, then sat back into the wheelchair, appearing drained again. “Why do you think that I did something, Duna?”

“It’s not him at fault… I am,” Stark replied, his voice hollow. He pulled out his phone out and launched a holographic image of Ultron. “That’s the monster I created, and he’s trying to take the world down.”

Gamora and Nebula both snorted at that, snapping Stark out of his funk, who looked a bit offended now.

“Is that… C-3PO?” Peter pointed at the hologram, looking extremely delighted.

Stark sighed, looking both amused and miserable. “Well, it was supposed to be closer to C-3PO and R2-D2, but it ended up becoming HAL 9000.”

———————————————

Back in Thor’s chambers for now, Loki watched Duna, Thjazi and Thor as they conversed in hushed voices, cautious and awkward in a way that made it a bit amusing for him.

He wasn’t smiling, though. He was anxious. A great many things were happening, out of his control and certainly not according to his plans.

Reva sat beside him on the bed, her posture stiff and her visage pensive. Though they were within touching distance, Loki knew that she was far away from him.

He lifted his hand to touch her arm, but stopped midway as he saw Duna turn her attention upon him.

“So, what happened to you to make you so weak?” she asked gently, approaching him.

Reva made to leave the bed, but he grasped her arm to keep her there. Thankfully, she didn’t resist.

“My seidr is depleted,” he answered succinctly.

Duna glanced at Reva, who wasn’t meeting anyone’s eyes and instead, staring away into emptiness.

“Well,” Duna said, scrutinizing her from head to toe. “I suppose my apples can help with that.”

That remark roused Reva from her inert state. She looked at Duna in confusion. “Apples? You gave him those apples?”

Suddenly, Loki felt the urge to leave the room. Alas, he was going through another bout of weakness and hence, restricted to the bed.

“You didn’t tell her?” Duna asked him, her tone sharp and reproving.

“Norns help me…” He closed his eyes and lowered his face into his hand.

“I should’ve known, given how secretive he was about you,” Duna responded. “Yes, those were my apples, and they grant strength and vitality.”

“He fed lots of them to me.”

“Because you needed them. And it seems now he, too, is in need of them.”

“Might you also have anything to do with a very painful procedure, involving some sort of injection… which he administered to me?”

Suddenly filled with dread, Loki lifted his head to look at Reva. She was staring at him with narrowed eyes. Before he could speak up, Duna answered.

“Yes… that which made you strong and resilient, like an Aesir.”

Reva didn’t look away from him, though her face grew contemplative rather than reproachful, as he had expected. “I see.”

———————————————

Wanda stood facing the four Avengers, including Tony Stark. Pietro was right alongside her, his posture stiff. He was ready to bolt… and to take her along.

He was nervous; she wasn’t.

Even if it appeared as if they were outnumbered and surrounded, they weren’t overpowered. Not by any chance. The only being who could do that was not here in this room.

That gave Wanda a surge of confidence. They were both here of their own volition, not by coercion.

“You’re telling us that you no longer hold allegiance to Ultron?” Clint Barton asked, twisting one of his arrows between his fingers.

“No, we don’t. Not after what he did.”

“You know that he has killed and injured other people? Innocent people, that is.” This time was great Captain America levelling the accusation.

Wanda looked away, knowing that she had been gullible enough to believe Ultron’s lies about wanting the same thing as she and Pietro did. Killing hadn’t been part of it, only sabotage.

Pietro snorted. “Why do you think we are here? We didn’t know about the killing of innocents. Our job was mostly about spreading confusion and scattering people. And then Loki took us captive.”

Barton twitched upon the mention of Loki. Wanda took note of that.

“Speaking of him… she survived?” she asked, watching all of them closely.

The Captain answered, giving her a short nod. “We were told that your intervention helped in saving her, and that you wanted to surrender.”

“I wouldn’t call it surrender.” She focused only on Tony Stark as she said that. “Especially not to Stark.”

They all looked confused by her remark.

Stark stepped up then, his head tilted as he stared at her and Pietro. “Is there a reason for this hostility towards me? I mean, you’re both still kids, and I can’t see how I have any history with you two.”

“You killed our parents,” Pietro replied, his body coiling further as the bottled-up anger bubbled to the surface. She touched his hand to calm him down.

Stark reared back, his face a mask of shock.

“It was your weapon that killed them. We were having dinner together, when suddenly, a mortar shell with your name on it struck our house. Our parents died on the spot. The second shell hit, but didn’t go off. We kept waiting under the rubble for days, wondering when death would take us too.” Wanda took a deep breath, feeling her power sparking in her fingertips. “So yes, it was you who killed them. And we have wanted revenge for a very long time.”

“Is that why you got yourself drafted for Strucker’s experiments?” Natasha Romanoff stood the furthest from them, her arms crossed casually. “Because a weapon with Tony’s name on it struck you? How about going after the ones who actually fired it?”

“Nat, if I hadn’t made it and sold it, none of this would’ve happened.”

Wanda’s eyes narrowed. Did Stark just agree with her?

He sighed, stepping towards her, and for the first time she noticed that he looked completely exhausted. “I know I cannot bring your parents back, and I know that I’m a mess when it comes to doing the right thing. But I’m trying. Your problem is with me, so why cause so much harm and chaos to others? Why help Ultron?”

She hesitated, knowing that she herself had fucked up when she had decided to help Ultron. “He told us that he wanted revenge as well, against you. And that he wanted to build a better world, as he sympathized with our cause.”

“He obviously lied and used you to get what he wanted. You kids caused a whole lot of trouble to everyone just to get back at Tony.” Barton glared at her. “You even messed with the minds of people. Do you know how damaging that can be? I know. Been there. It wasn’t fun, and it took me a great deal of time to recover from it. Now, I’m not sure what your game plan is here, but I’ll tell you this much, you’re misguided. Tony has been trying to help save the world, not damage it.”

While Barton lectured her, she approached Stark and stood right in front of him. “Then let me see it.”

“See what?” he asked, pushing Barton away as he tried to intervene.

“Your mind.”

“I think that’s enough.” The Captain tried to interrupt, but Wanda didn’t pay him any mind. Her focus was on Stark.

“You think you can hold us here?” She snorted, waving her hand at them collectively. “I can so easily take each and every one of you out, but I’m choosing not to. All I’m asking is a glimpse into your mind, to see if you’re even half the hero everyone here is claiming that you are.”

“I don’t claim to be a hero, but go ahead…” Stark stared down at her with a resigned look on his tired face. He didn’t move his gaze away from her as she reached into his mind, even as others in the room began protesting.

#Loki #Lover #Angst #Submitted fic #submission #Fear and Other Related Emotions #chapter 20 #latent-thoughts #interrogation #incarceration #helicarrier #enclosure #ensnare #interest

[darlingpetao3]

For Asgard (Chapter 18/?)

Coulson arranges for you to be escorted to wherever they're keeping Loki captive. It's only one guard taking you there but he is a pretty burly fellow, perhaps the biggest guy aboard this helicarrier. You closely follow the guy until he stops outside what you believe to be your destination. When the door slides open you expect him to stay glued to you while in the presence Loki. While in actuality, the opposite happens.

“You have five minutes. Agent Romanoff is already in there interrogating the prisoner. She'll keep an eye on you.” You weren't certain whether that meant “she'll keep you safe from him” or “she'll make sure you don't try anything stupid.”

Slowly you enter the room where S.H.I.E.L.D. has imprisoned Loki. The cell he's in is much smaller and less luxurious than the one you shared on Asgard. Then again, no prison would be as nice as that one. Were you seriously grading prison cells on their interior decor? This one was circular with windows all around. What is it with people and their giant windows in prison cells, anyway?

You can hear Loki talking to someone. When you look up and to the right, there's the red-headed agent you remember piloting the plane. Romanoff. Apparently, they didn't hear you enter the room. Keeping this to your advantage, you move into the shadows and into earshot to hear her voice. It is level, yet demanding.

“I want to know what you've done to Agent Barton,” she says.

“I would say I have expanded his mind,” Loki responds like he's doing everyone a favour. That's an interesting way to put it, you think. Redhead approaches his cell, face expressionless. You can tell she cares about Birdman, but damn is she good at keeping her face neutral. Her arms cross.

“Once you've won, once you're king of the mountain, what happens to his mind?” She moves up close to the glass between them. For some reason you can't place, you don't like this small action very much.

“Is this love, Agent Romanoff?” Loki teases.

“Love is for children. I owe him a debt.”

Wow, hardcore. You wonder what she would think if she knew how much Loki and you love each other. You two might as well be the biggest children here, then. He laughs at her words and backs away.

“Tell me,” he insists, suddenly appearing interested in her supposed debts. A quick look of hesitation breaks through across her face but disappears just as quickly. She goes on to tell her life story of before she worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. From what you gather from Redhead's vague story, she implies she was an assassin. That and Birdman was sent to take her out, to kill her, but ended up not following through. When Loki asks what she'll do if he spares Birdman, she says she won't let Loki out, and you didn't expect her to anyway. But Loki has that look in his eye. You've seen it before. Like he's the cat who spots a mouse just sitting there, and it's playtime.

Redhead says she wants to turn over a new leaf. To wipe out the red in her proverbial ledger. Loki, of course, questions her ability to do so.

“Drakov's daughter... Sao Paolo. The hospital fire.”

That did it.

You don't know what any of this means, but his choice in words did the trick. She's tensed up and has wide eyes full of frozen fright.

“Barton told me everything,” he confesses. “Your ledger is dripping.” Loki approaches the window and his voice grows stronger, more powerful. “It is gushing red, and you think saving a man who is no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basis sentimentality, this is a child of prayer, pathetic,” he spits out. “You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, have your own code. Something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you. And they will never. Go. Away.” Loki slams his fist against the window and Redhead flinches, something you thought her body wasn't capable of doing. You watch all this in silent awe, mouth just a little agape.

“I won't touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you. Slowly, intimately, in every way, he knows you fear. And then he will wake just long enough to see his good work and when he screams I'll split his skull.” Redhead turns in fear and horror and walks a few steps. “This is my bargain, you mewling quim.”

You sit there, hand to your mouth. Is he serious? You hope and wish and pray that this is still just a part of the stupid godforsaken plan. That this is all still an act. Because, yeah sure, he has to look the part of a villain right? That was a part of it? The plan you know nothing about and yet are still told to trust him blindly in what he's doing. But he must know what he's doing, you're sure of it. Loki's evil villain act has been good. Far too good. You almost believed it there for a second.

“You're a monster,” Redhead says quietly, in a small voice. Loki laughs.

“Oh no, you brought the monster.”

She lifts her head and turns around to face him with a look of sudden realization. “So, Banner? That's your play?”

What play? Who's Banner, now?

“What?” Loki says, confused for once.

“Loki means to unleash the Hulk,” Redhead speaks into her wrist. “Thank you for your cooperation,” she says to him smugly and turns to leave. Did Loki just get played?

“No...” he says unbelievingly.

Redhead makes her way to the exit in your direction but you remain hidden in the shadows of an alcove near the door. When the coast is clear, you rush up the steps two at a time and place your hands against the glass prison. Loki turns to see you and is surprised, you think, to see you at a time like this. He moves closer to you, and in return presses his own hands to the window.

“My darling,” he says fervently. “Oh, how glad I am to see you.”

“And I'm glad to see you, too. Only it'd be nicer if you were out of this thing. With me.”

“I could not agree with you more.”

You hear a loud blast and feel the floor beneath you tilt somewhat. You have to grab hold of the railing to regain balance.

“What was that?” you ask looking around the room for clues.

“It would seem the vessel has been shot.” Alarms sound off in the distance outside the prison room. The floor remains at a slant and you feel as if you're inside a carnival funhouse. Except this is not at all fun. Not in the slightest.

And then, reverberating through the vents above, there's a noise that causes the hair on your arms to stand up and make your insides churn. A horribly angry roar.

That's when Loki's lips curl into that smile that only speaks of trouble to follow.

“Loki, god damn it, what is happening? What were you saying to the Redhead earlier about a monster? Who's Banner? And how do you know all that stuff about her? How- no, what do you know about these people?” It all comes pouring out now, you can't stop it. “I've been trying my hardest to stay in the dark here, to let you be the mastermind with all the secrets, but I can't take it anymore! Please, please, tell me something. I'm so confused about everything and I just need to know.”

Loki looks at you with empathy in his twinkling green eyes. “I know this has hurt you, my darling, and it pains me to see you in such a state. Ask me whatever you like and I shall provide your answers.”

“Truthfully?”

“To you? Always. But first, we are in great danger. Therefore, my sweet, before I tell you what you wish to hear, you must help me out of this cell.”

“Yes, of course.” You shake your head with understanding. If this massive flying base is going down, you'll need to free your beloved. Your burning questions can wait just a little longer. After all, you'd rather your questions be burning than yourself. “What do you need me to do?”

“Do you recall the route the guards brought us before we were split up?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“They are keeping my sceptre in the laboratory which we passed upon entering this aircraft. Do you remember the room of which I speak?”

You pull up the image of it in your head. When you had passed that lab, Loki had given the curly haired man inside a funny look.

“I do. I remember.”

“Good. You must retrieve the sceptre for me, my love. Without it, our defence and safety weakens greatly.”

“I'll be back. Hold on!” The ground shakes again, this time with more force. You work up a nice jog once you make it to the hallways of the helicarrier again. Men in uniforms run by you without a second glance. You assume they're probably too busy trying to figure out a way to keep this flying base up in the air and not in a billion pieces smashed on the ground. That makes you feel a little relief. They have their own mission right now and so do you. According to your calculations, the lab shouldn't be much farther-

There it is. You see the weapon in the window up ahead, the whole room turned faintly blue from the stone's growing brightness. It appears the door had been blasted open. An explosion, you deduce, from the shards of glass across the floor. You run to the sceptre and grasp it from the table it sits upon.

Your heart beats rapidly as you stare at it and move your fingers across its golden shaft. This is the first time you've actually held it. You think of all the things it has done, of all the things it could be capable of doing. And it's in your hands.

You need to snap yourself out of it. Leaving the lab, you make a mad dash back to the prison room, all the while avoiding falling flat on your face due to the helicarrier's extreme turbulence. But before you reach the last corner, before you're home free, a shout in a deep voice from the other end of the hallway startles you.

“(Y/N)!”

Your head whips around as you see a hugely built blond man, bewildered as to what you're doing with the sceptre in your possession. It's Thor. For a moment, you two merely stare at one another. Then, you break for it.

“Loki, I have it! I have it! Thor's coming!” you say frantically. A guard you hadn't noticed was in the room grabs you and tries to disarm you, but you aren't having any of that. You push him backwards and slam him against the wall. The man loses his bearings long enough so that you have time to tap the weapon to his chest without really weighing your options. His eyes fade to black but refocus to the colour of the stone's glow.

He is in your control.

“Open the cell door,” you command him. “And leave.” The guard has no choice but to heed your words. As the door slides open, a desperate “NO!” rings out. Thor makes a beeline to stop Loki from escaping and goes in for a tackle.

Only, he goes right through him!

An illusion...

Thor scrambles to his feet but the cell door has already closed on him. He's trapped. The real Loki appears next to you but remains facing his brother.

“Are you ever not going to fall for that?” Loki taunts. This clearly angers Thor as he smashes Mjolnir on the window, leaving a giant crack, but that, in turn, causes the latches on the cell to loosen. Please don't tell me this thing drops from the sky...

“The humans think us immortal,” Loki says with a humorous tone and walks over to the control panel. “Should we test that? Darling, come over here will you, please? Wouldn't want anything dreadful to happen to you would we, love?”

You scurry over to his side and take hold of his arm. You're beyond anxious. Is he really going to send his brother in a nose dive to the unforgiving cold hard ground? This is way beyond the prank he pulled in Asgard at Thor's coronation.

“Move away, please,” says a voice trying to sound authoritative. It's Agent Coulson. He snuck in and is holding the biggest freaking gun you have ever seen in your life. Awkwardly though, like he doesn't know exactly what he's doing with it.

Loki steps back a bit. The gun is aimed directly at him. Your heart is beating and it's out of control. Coulson, the man who was so kind to you earlier, a real genuine guy, is pointing a gun at the man you love.

“You like this?” Coulson says, inching closer. Loki looks worried. He grabs your waist and moves you out of the line of fire, which is too far away. “Even I don't know what it does.” Coulson shrugs. You figured as much. “Want to find out?” Not caring that Loki had moved you aside, you step back in front of him just as Coulson pushes a button on his weapon, lighting it up. He's about to shoot.

And then... You hear a grunt of anguish and a horrible scream. The scream was yours.

Your hands cover your mouth. Loki had suddenly appeared behind Coulson and had plunged his sceptre into his back. Only now, the sceptre is no longer in your hands. How-? His other self, his body double, his illusion was disintegrating behind you, still looking worrisome, while the real Loki let Coulson slide down the side of the wall, leaving a bloody streak as he went down.

You stand frozen with shock and refuse to accept this was happening. But it gets worse. When you finally gather a little courage to face Loki, you find him at the control panel again, with that smile. That one smile. Not the one you fell for all that time ago. No, this one gave you chills.

For the first time, you were scared. Positively terrified.

Loki's hand hovers over the daunting red button for a few moments as if he's contemplating. He and Thor exchange glares. Thor looks utterly and completely betrayed. Probably for the umpteenth time in his life. But you could feel that this was the worst of it.

Loki pushes the button and in a split second the ropes are cut, the latches give way, and Thor falls to his doom in his glass prison. You can't breathe.

“You're going to lose,” says Coulson's small, but sure voice.

“Am I?” Loki plays along.

“It's in your nature.” The agent's eyes are losing their light. His breathing shallows.

“Why do people seem to think they know my nature?” Loki says to himself, annoyed. “Your heroes are scattered. Your fleeting fortress falls from the sky. Where is my disadvantage?”

“You lack conviction... and the trust in your partner.”

“I do not think I-”

BOOM.

Loki gets blasted into the wall and slumps down unconscious.

“So that's what it does.”

You have tears pooling in your eyes and you try to stay strong, but looking at the man who was so kind to you, even when you were aiding a criminal, causes you to lose it.

“Agent Coulson, it's going to be alright. I- I can't believe he-” you can't even finish your sentence, kneeling beside him. “Just hang in there. You're going to be okay.”

“Don't you worry about me. Just do me a favour, please?”

“Anything. Anything. What is it?”

“Don't lose yourself, (Y/N).” Those were his last words. You start sobbing for a man you knew for the shortest amount of time and yet he made such an impact on you. Emotions and thoughts flood through you like rushing rapids. It feels like someone zapped you with a stun gun. It's like someone ran you over with a truck and left you flattened against the pavement. You feel like you're both on the verge of a hysterical fit or completely breaking down and crumbling into a ball on the ground. This was a dream, right? A nightmare?

Please for the love of every single god, let this not be real. Your heart. It hurts. You could almost swear that you feel the cracks in it. All you have to do is think of Loki's eyes. His touch, his voice, all of it, everything from before any of this shit happened to you both, for you to fall to your knees and break down in heavy sobs.

This poor, nice man. Coulson... He had offered you your old life back. How much simpler would everything have been if you had just accepted?

You had thought Loki was putting on an act, but did he really, honestly change in the end? How could Loki have done what he did if he hadn't changed? I am an accomplice to murder. I brought him the sceptre. I opened the door... How will I live with myself after all that I've done?

You feel a hand on your shoulder. You look up to see him. Coulson's killer. Loki. A man you thought you knew, had trusted with all your heart in so many ways. But you didn't recognize him anymore. This wasn't a game, to play with people's lives this way. You felt like a fool to figure this out only now. He's quiet with his words.

“I am-”

“Don't,” you say, hardened.

“Darling, please.”

“No.”

“This aircraft will crash any time now. We have to go.” His urging means nothing to you.

“Then let it. I'm not going anywhere with you.”

“You don't mean that.”

“Oh, I mean that.” You didn't care that your voice just cracked.

“Do you not trust me?” His voice has a tinge of frustration to it. You don't answer.

“You are a monster...” you murmur so quietly, you didn't think it possible for him to hear you.

He did.

“I was trying to save you!” Loki yells at you, anger increasing and all too apparent. Something clips in your heart. And your temper.

“I don't need saving!” You feel sick. Nothing makes sense anymore. “I'm not leaving with you.” Loki's eyes narrow and in truth looks beyond scary in this moment, something you never thought you'd feel about him.

“If that is the way you feel.” He sounds angry but trying not to let it resurface. Even more, there's a tinge of the sound of his own heart breaking. Well, join the fucking club. He gets up to leave, sceptre in hand, and walks a bit with a limp.

You can't bring yourself to look at him. Even if the last glimpse of his face turns out to be him smiling grotesquely and stabbing a spear into Coulson's back, so be it. When you finally hear his footsteps leave the room, that is when you start to weep.

Part 19

Tag List: @gerardwayisapotato , @theloneavenger1995, @magellan-88

[multsicorn]

Top five filk songs!

…. I love how I asked for asks cause I’m like, I miss tumblr, I wanna talk with you guys more!  And then I didn’t have time to answer for a whole day >_>.  OH, WELL.

You would probably get a different list if you asked again tomorrow, but five OF my most favorite filk songs under the cut.  (Oh, and only some have links, because the others don’t seem to exist on the internet.  Though I could record myself singing them, if anyone would want to hear and if it wouldn’t be a breach of etiquette…).

1. My Brother, My Enemy by Sassafrass.  [and/or: lyrics and explanation here.]  It’s hard for me even to pick a favorite Sassafrass song!  They’re my favorite filk artist, and one of my favorite musical artists in general.  This one doesn’t have quite as many harmonies/parts as some, but, it’s still excellent at doing that Thing where each voice sings different words as well as different notes, and, especially here, I love the way the voices diverging and coming back together repeatedly illustrates the flow of the story.  I love the evocation of a foreign (to me) emotional background (and they cry not for justice forgiveness or peace but for vengeance vengeance vengeance vengeance, an insistent crescendo that ends in a crash), and… so why is this number one.  It’s the story as well as the artistry of the telling that gets me.

In the span of seven? Minutes, Odin and Loki find something unique and valuable in each other, make this connection, this bond, swearing blood brotherhood, and then are brought by circumstance to break it (these worlds are my duty to guard and protect, I can’t make exceptions before such a threat, your children were my enemies), and the emotionally painful and complex fallout.  Could you get any more my personal aesthetic?  I kinda think not.

2. Glass Half Full (Of the Sea) by Benjamin Newman.  This is one of those songs that’s So Important to me.  (And when I saw Ben at Contata last month, I got to incoherently try to tell him so!  :D.)  This makes sense, I’m sure, to no one but me, but it is to my life what I liked to imagine “Rock Star” was about Kurt in New New York.

The story is… I found this song (for #reasons), some few years before I properly got into filk.  (I somehow managed to not realize it was about a selkie until the first time that I heared it in a filk circle!).  There’s been a lot said - outside of filk circles, too, I’m sure, though I’m mostly thinking of “Still Catch the Tide” - about the selkie myth as representing how women are confined in the traditional picture of marriage.  And at the time that this song was the song I needed - my now-husband and I had just recently moved in together - we’d known each other for three months at that time? but there were practical reasons for this.  And I was SO IN LOVE, y'know, but also struggling so much.  What is space!  What is independence!  My husband then (he hasn’t been for years and years now, we have LEARNED~) was very much like Blaine in New New York.  Basically.  Always wanting to do everything with me, and taking me not wanting to as a personal hurt.

So I used to sing - “a free creature or a wife, either way she’d lose a life, that she never wants to lose.”  Because the song wasn’t just a description of my dilemma.  (Though even the fact that it shows these as both things you might want, I appreciate!).  The chorus - especially the last chorus:

i’m not the girl who sees the glass half empty, i’ve got both my loves, that’s what makes me free, and since i can decide, i’m staying by your side, with a glass half full of the sea

provided an image of resolution for me.  And here let me explain one more thing: back in my late teens/early twenties, I actively identified myself as a deliberate optimist.  So the ending of the story being a. well, I can pick, so I’ve always got that, and, b., maybe some things suck, but here’s this THE GLASS IS STILL HALF FULL image… it just fit the particular things I was looking for so WELL.  It was a rocky adjustment, living together, deciding whether to commit to this particular relationship rather than all the unknown possibilities out there.  I’m happy with my choices!  (If you read my blog, ever, that should be obvious.)  But, yeah, this song #helped.

3. Solar Flare by Sam Baardman.  I do not have an essay to write for this one!  I just find it really beautiful, both the music and the images created by the words.  I think it was the first song I heard in a circle (where it was perfomed by Decadent Dave Clement) where I was like… I NEED TO FIND THAT AGAIN, AND HEAR IT AGAIN… and that was early on (in my filking ~career), so back when I knew less how to do that.  And for most of a decade it’s just been for me one of those songs that - you know, when you don’t feel like singing almost anything, you’re sick of all the songs you know, or they’re just not right for the mood you’re in, or whatever?  (Maybe you don’t know.  Maybe this feeling isn’t in fact ubiquitous.  I don’t know!  *shrugs.*)  It is one of those very rare songs that I never don’t feel like singing.  *hums*  there’s a comet just outside my window, hanging in the afterglow of a solar flare, and the stars like a diamond spilling off of the moon…

4. As I Am by Heather Dale.  One of my favorite love songs Of All Time?  I love Heather Dale a lot, too, and I’ve been singing this song just so much recently.  It’s supposed to be about Arthur and Guinevere.  But there’s a lot of specific notes - ’i’m not looking for perfection, i’m not offering a saint’ - ’i offer you this look inside, i offer you this trust’ - and, most especially of all, ’i need your strength to help me fight the battles that i must, i need you to remind me of the light we bear within’ - that are beautifully worded and sung, yeah.  But that also feel to me like beautiful expressions not just of infatuation, but of the sort of partnership that is… my life, really ;).  And, it’s pretty.

5. Causes And Effects by Seanan McGuire.  [link is to lyrics]  A song that answers many questions for me - not with answers that I didn’t know, mind you.  But it provides a crystallized form of something that otherwise isn’t.  And I’ve used it, in-circle, as an answer to songs that I’m sure were meant well but Rubbed Me Wrong!  … the song feels like it’s About Me, though I’m sure it’s about Seanan, but it fits many of us geek girls, and what I most take from it is this: ’she tries to tell herself that beauty isn’t worth its weight in gold, she sometimes thinks she’d sell her soul just to come out of the cold.’  (Cause YES isn’t an explanation, but also, yes.)  I don’t know.  It’s one thing to know that societal standards of beauty and of it being paramount for women to be ~beautiful~ are both bullshit, to know that if you’re lonely it’s not necessarily because of you.  It’s another thing to be able to believe that all that’s true.  And I’ve gotten there now, yeah, but it’s been a long fucking journey.  So this is a song about the road I’ve walked.

AND because, I couldn’t resist, various honorable mentions.

6. Eternal Flame, words by Bob Kanefsky, music by Julia Ecklar.  [or, to slightly misquote Batya’s Words of Bob, Julia wrote the music, Bob wrote the filk ;)].  This song is particularly special to me out of all the other filk Songs I Have Loved because it was both the first song that I sang in a filk circle - a decade ago, now, in October! - and the first song I sang at a filk non-circle (concert!!), just recently.  Also it’s probably good to have a little humor in my list somewhere, because there’s really quite a lot of it in filk.  And also also, I do sincerely love this song not just as humor, but e.g. ’when he filled the leaves with green, fractal flowers and recursive roots, the most lovely hack i’ve seen‘… really does get at something real about the beauty that’s in Nature’s patterns, and of process-based even though not intentional design.

7. Mary Ellen Carter by Stan Rogers.  Is the song I’ve sung most frequently in filk circles that isn’t a filk song.  Well.  We sing it a lot.  It’s ~found filk??~  Or it’s just a song.  But a story song about resurrecting a ship that’s served you well, even if the ship’s on sea rather than in space, well, it fits in.  And it’s something that I sing against sadness, when I’m sad.  ’though your heart it be broken or life about to end, no matter what you’ve lost, be it a home, a love, a friend, like the mary ellen carter rise again.’  (… also, it reminds me of Jack Zimmermann, nowadays.)

8. Goin’ Back To Hogwarts by Starkid.  I could meta more, on that spoken bridge of Days of Summer, or on To Have A Home, but… as a kind of complement to 'frequently sung in filk circles, not really filk,’ as above, I’m ending with another 'not really filk.’  (Though I’ve sung starkid songs in filk circles several times, and it’s always gone over just fine.)  Cause, like,.. it’s a fan song about a fictional property.  (And fun and funny and a great crowd-pleaser slash singalong.)  And certainly has a place in fandom, somewhere!, - but not specifically filk fandom.  Even if this performance in 2009 looks SO MUCH LIKE so many circles I’ve been in at other cons since slightly before that time.  I don’t think any other celebrity clip has ever made me feel so much #oneofus.

#hotel carpet fandom #*sings* #januarium