#and I don't wanna burden my friends with this because they can't really do anything anyways

[dawndelion-winery]

Yellow Roses

Hanging out with them (platonic)

Ft. Scaramouche, Kaveh, Venti

For @i23kazu 1.5k event!! It's super slay go check it out!

Scaramouche:

Sometimes you forget he isn't actually your older brother

But hey! Who can fault you for that?

He's quick to anger and argumentative, often deadpanning at you and flicking your forehead

But that's really the worst of his wrath towards you

And even that's negligible with how obviously he worries for you

Scara is someone who's known betrayal after betrayal coming from the people closest to him

He's never had a sibling he could bond with, the closest being the Raiden Shogun, who really behaved like anything but family

So it's no surprise he's reluctant to look up to others, but that doesn't mean you're the same as he is

You're free to idolise him all you want! He promises he'll take care of you, and your trust will never be betrayed

"Watch it!" Scara yells as he catches the back of your shirt before you go tumbling off the edge of a cliff. "Geez, idiot. You'd get yourself killed if I weren't here!"

Don't let his anger fool you. As you sheepishly apologise you add that you could only be that careless because you knew he'd have your back. You think he's about to scold you again, but instead, he looks sheepish himself.

"Yeah. I do. So don't even think about being so reckless unless I'm around, got it?"

Kaveh:

It's not hanging out with Kaveh if he doesn't complain about his roommate

But it's also not a hangout with Kaveh without the rule "you gotta kiss your homies goodnight and shi"

Being in his innermost circle means having an obligation to let him drench all your favourite shirts in his tears as the most mundane of things send him hurtling into despair

You think you can prepare for it?

Wrong. They're so infrequent that you'll almost forget he does it and then you'll say you brush your teeth a certain way which reminds him of his mom teaching him to brush his teeth and he's sobbing into your chest

Bro can't catch a break

Likewise you're free to torment him with your wails as well

You kind of have to or he'll feel bad about it so...just bully him about his hair or something trivial so he feels less burdened to be overly considerate of you

"Kaveh? You seem pretty down."

"I'm not. I'm fine."

"About as fine as your thinning hairline, sure."

You hear an offended gasp as he whips around with an accusatory finger jabbing at you. "You take that back!" He demands, immediately flaring up in defence, getting all huffy like a peacock preening itself as he digs into you in retaliation.

He does feel a little better after lashing out, and tends to lay on your shoulder as he finally caves and tells you what's been bothering him.

Venti:

You feel like he knows everything about you

And he probably does

He knows all your tells for all your emotions you may try to hide, and while he does respect your space, there's times he does everything he can to get under your skin because he knows bottling it up isn't healthy

He enjoys writing songs with you!

Doesn't matter if you're neither linguistically nor musically inclined, he insists on getting your input

Very attuned to your emotions and great at matching your energy

You're down to clown? Count him in! He's a few dastardly schemes he wouldn't mind letting you in on *wink wink*

Feeling down? That's just fine too, lay on his shoulder and tell him about it! He's more than willing to listen

Or even if you'd just like to sit in silence with him

"Wanna hear a tune, my friend?" He says with a mischievous grin.

You nod, curious to see what he'd drafted up. Except it's a ballad about raiding a rich tycoon's wine cellar. In great detail. He's obviously trying to hint at something.

"Venti, Master Diluc is going to slaughter us."

"Only if we get caught!" He insists, with a knavish giggle. And inevitably, you find that same mischief creeping onto your lips to turn it into a grin as wide as his own. You really did hope you wouldn't get caught this time...hopefully....

Taglist: @myluvkeiji @aqui-soba @favonius-captain @tiredsleep @raincxtter @gensimping-for-all @irethepotato @almond-adeptus @mx-kamisato @yuzuricebun @chaosinanutshell @heizours @haliyamori @callmemeelah @sadlonelybagel @plinkuro @thevictoriousmoon @mastering-procrastinating @missesclaus @cxlrose @miss-fantazmagoria @astrequa @kokomist @lemonswriting @eowinthetraveller @ajaxstar @boundedbyfate @the-lost-anime-dad @ash-astrophel @moonbyunniee @greyrain23 @heavenlyfloof

#astronetwrk #genshin #genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #Scaramouche #kaveh #venti #scaramouche x reader #kaveh x reader #venti x reader #scara #scara x reader #genshin scaramouche #genshin scara #genshin kaveh #genshin venti #genshin barbatos #winery specials

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Amane T1 Cover - Positive Parade

Been a while, but we're back to covers! Time for the specialest girl ever, Amane and Positive Parade! I miss her sounding as happy as she does in this song, man. At least she seemed to be having fun in parts of Purge March too, but that was a different kinda fun. Anyways, let's go!

CW Cults and indoctrination, child abuse

Positive Parade is possibly the one covered song in Trial 1 with no explicit references to romance or sex, which in my eyes is a win for Amane, common best character w.

What also makes this song stand out is just how happy it is! It actually is an extremely optimistic and uplifting song, where the singer encourages someone else to follow their dreams and remain positive in the face of adversity.

Stuff your heart full with all your dearest dreams Go for broke on all the things you wanna do! “We can’t stop” Is this a good feeling? Or is it no good after all? On these never-ending nights, let's talk while dancing with the stars Even when times are tough, the light is always by our sides “We can’t stop” You’ll turn out okay! Because you'll find your smile fits you perfectly

(I'm using this translation because the translation in the Milgram wiki has very odd wording at times, so I think it kinda confuses the meaning a bit)

The 'never-ending nights' I believe represent the struggles of life, which at times feel endless. But the singer suggest to talk while 'dancing with the stars', while engaging with the light in the darkness. "Even when times are tough, the light [of the stars] is always by our sides." Optimism! Happiness!

There is the "is this a good feeling? or is it no good after all?" line which seems like it could imply some lurking horror, but there's a few ways to read that. I actually think the singer is asking if the person being sung to is happy with what they're doing, or if they should stop and move on to something else, which is similar to this line:

This isn’t enough, not yet I need to make sure I don’t mess up the words I want to say “I forbid you from pushing yourself too hard" "I’ll be right here” So you won't be discouraged by what comes tomorrow, if we could laugh together again... That's why you gotta stop those "what'll happen if"s!

The singer wants the other to make sure not to push themselves too hard, and reassures them they can rely on the singer.

The important part there is that the singer wants to be relied on. Not in like a dangerous way necessarily, just a "I'm your friend and I want to help you when you're down" kinda way. At least that's the vibe I get.

Heeeey, aren't you straight up bawling your eyes out? It's not normal for you to pretend that everything's fine. Even though you've got things you want to say Where's that sadness you've been shouldering? Come on, one day it'll just overflow "I'm sorry, I can't do it anymore, please help me" You don't want to imagine it, You don't want to hear it, do you? So before it comes to that, rely on me!

You know, I've seen people say that some people think this song is about toxic positivity, but to me it doesn't really look like it. The singer's literally telling the other that if they hide their pain, it's gonna overflow and that's bad. That's, like, the opposite of toxic positivity. And "you" don't want to hear yourself saying "I can't do it anymore, please help me", right? Just rely on the singer now before it gets too bad!

I guess you could say that sounds like a savior complex, which is definitely a way to read the song:

If someone tells you you're wrong, Even when you're not wrong at all I won't support anything that denies you You can take the opportunity to hold me close and you can share the burden of your worries with me You say it's embarrasing, but I'm embarrased too, you know! Don't laugh and say this isn't like me, It's my answer to meeting you. Rely on me, rely on me, please

Yeah, the "rely on me, rely on me, please" certainly feels a bit too desperate.

However, I still feel it can be read more charitably. Listen, this song was written as a theme song for a collaboration with a theme park named Yomiuri Land (Source, it's in Japanese but Google translate gives you the idea). There doesn't need to be a hidden horror here. While again, it's perfectly fine if you read it as a savior complex or something else, I personally see it as completely innocent positivity.

The line about both of them being embarrased by what's going on is very sweet. No big meaning there, I just like it.

So the singer either does or doesn't have a savior complex; at least they find quite a bit of happiness in helping others. If you're wondering about Miku shedding a tear in the artwork, it's probably a tear of joy from "dancing with the stars." In my personal opinion, there is no hidden horror in this song, it's just a really nice optimism anthem! The only way this would be horrifying at all is if it were being sung by, like, an abused cult victim or something.

... Oh.

Yeah this is where we acknowledge that, even though the original song may not be hiding anything too horrifying, it's being covered by Amane fucking Momose. And nothing this girl does ever fails to make us sad.

So, Amane here has the same "I want to make other people happy" attitude that we see in Magic.

[Magic] Only if, only if, only if I could be a good girl I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile Forever, forever together would be a dream

She's even called something akin to "Happiness Support Sister" in the credits. Amane wants everyone to be happy, that's ultimately her goal in everything she does. The thing is that the concept of "happiness" has been so horrendously twisted by her cult that a lot of the time it shows in a very... uh... concerning way.

Timeline 23/01/17 Amane: Happy birthday.Mahiru-san. How is your body feeling? Mahiru: ……ah, Amane-chan. Thank you. Yeah, I’m fine. Now I can move around if I use a wheelchair…… It’s all thanks to Shidou-san looking after me…… Amane: I’ll give you one warning. The two of you are dabbling in something tabooed. If you continue to go against the way of nature like this, you’ll just bring an early death upon yourself. Think hard about this. Mahiru: Amane-chan……? Are you really Amane-chan……?

Like, technically speaking, Amane is trying to make sure Mahiru stays happy. As in, not dead. She does something similar with Fuuta. Notably, she's only shown herself really hostile towards Shidou, who she dislikes for reasons even beyond the whole medicine thing. Long story.

But since this is Trial 1, she's likely not really speaking to anyone in the prison. So, who is Amane talking to? The most straightforward answer is that she's talking to her abusers, more specifically her mother probably. Because they are the "everyone" she's talking about in Magic; Amane thinks that if she can make them happy, she'll stop being punished and thus she'll be happy too.

Of course, this paints the entire song in a horribly grim light. Because now the singer's pleas to be relied on are Amane asking her abusers what she needs to do to make them happy.

You can take the opportunity to hold me close and you can share the burden of your worries with me You say it's embarrasing, but I'm embarrased too, you know!

The "burden" here may very well be the things Amane does """wrong""", so Amane might be asking what she needs to change.

Heeeey, aren't you straight up bawling your eyes out? It's not normal for you to pretend that everything's fine. Even though you've got things you want to say Where's that sadness you've been shouldering? Come on, one day it'll just overflow "I'm sorry, I can't do it anymore, please help me" You don't want to imagine it, You don't want to hear it, do you? So before it comes to that, rely on me!

Question: What do you think happens when "it overflows"? When Amane's abusers are frustrated at something? Not Amane, just anything in general. How do you think that goes? In a lot of cases, chid abusers will find any excuse to """justify""" hurting their child when they're frustrated by literally anything. That means it's very possible Amane now tries to make sure her abusers are happy all the time, because it's the only way she can think of to avoid being hurt.

This isn’t enough, not yet I need to make sure I don’t mess up the words I want to say “I forbid you from pushing yourself too hard" "I’ll be right here” So you won't be discouraged by what comes tomorrow, if we could laugh together again... That's why you gotta stop those "what'll happen if"s!

"I need to make sure I don't mess up the words I want to say" sure reads a lot more sinisterly when "messing up the words" could end up with Amane being seriously hurt.

Yeah like that.

If someone tells you you're wrong, Even when you're not wrong at all I won't support anything that denies you

And this definitely reads like something she'd say about the cult. She won't support anything that denies the cult or their doctrines, you don't have to worry about that! Please don't hurt her.

Stuff your heart full with all your dearest dreams Go for broke on all the things you wanna do! “We can’t stop” Is this a good feeling? Or is it no good after all? On these never-ending nights, let's talk while dancing with the stars Even when times are tough, the light is always by our sides “We can’t stop” You’ll turn out okay! Because you'll find your smile fits you perfectly

The chorus is a bit strange with this reading, since what the "dearest dreams" are is very debatable. It's possible it's just general positivity without referring to anything in particular, but if it is something specific, my best guess would be "following the cult's doctrines and going to [heaven or equivalent]". Apart from that, again, the other stuff is kinda sinister under this reading. "Yeah, focus on the good stuff! Don't worry about the sad things! Please don't get mad! Please please please don't get mad and hurt me!"

But the thing about "chasing the dream" being following the cult's beliefs makes the "we can't stop" line really mortifying. Originally that's just "we shouldn't let our doubts stop us in our dreams!" but now it's "we can't stop following the doctrines because horrible horribe things will happen if we do!"

[The Purge March] If you become a bad girl, monsters will come out This is the magic that stops that from happening

And wanna know a """fun""" little detail? I haven't been paying much attention to differences between the og songs and the covers, but Amane gets special treatment.

I invite you to listen to the "we can't stop" line from around 2:18 - 2:19 minutes into the song both in the original and in Amane's cover. In the Miku version, that's sung pretty much the same as every other time. However, in the Amane cover, it's sung in a noticeably different way. It's hard to describe, because it sounds a mix of exhausted, resigned, depressed, something like that. Think of it like this: if the rest of the song sounds like Amane is singing with her Trial 1 sprite, this one line is sung like her Trial 2 sprite. So:

Stuff your heart full with all your dearest dreams! Go for broke on all the things you wanna do! “We can’t stop” Is this a good feeling? Or is it no good after all?

Or translated for Amane:

"Follow your dreams of being a great follower and going to heaven!"

"Do all the things God tells you you should want to do!"

"We can't stop, can we? Even if it hurts, even if we are unhappy, we have to keep following that dream. Because horrible things will happen if we don't. And even if we try to change, then what was it all for? What did you hurt me for? There has to be a reason. Please tell me my suffering isn't meaningless. God will save us in the end if we keep doing this, right? That's the only thing I have left to hope for. We can't stop"

"Ehem- Doesn't it feel good?"

Or maybe I just like Amane angst a bit too much.

Anyways, that's the main takeaway from Positive Parade in my opinion. There is another way to read it, though, which I think is equally interesting. Mainly, that she might be singing it to herself, right before killing her mother. The "dreams" would be killing the mom, with the one more sinister "we can't stop" being there because it's a somewhat sinister dream. The "light in the dark" is a future without abuse I guess? The whole "rely on me" thing does come off as a bit weird, unless you go the "council of Amane" route and/or read it with the idea Amane has DID and then it just sounds like an alter, which would be something. "I won't support anything that denies you" and her mom did deny her... the issue there is that Amane also denies herself a lot of "vulgar" pleasures because Gozake ordainment. I don't think it works perfectly because of things like "I forbid you from pushing yourself too hard", but it's still a valid way to read the cover!

Anyways, hope you're not crying too hard! Take care!

#milgram #amane momose #positive parade cover

[suck4angststory]

Sequel for You Never Like Every Man I'm Dating

Pairing: Pete 'Maverick', Mitchell x Cain!Fem!Reader. Moodboard

I Still Don't Like Him

Warning: fluff, angst, but happy ending, Top Gun: Maverick Spoiler. English is my second language. Feel free to give me a comment about my writing and grammar mistakes.

Author Note: If you want to be tagged just let me know in the comment. I can't reply to any of your comments because it's sideblog. But I really thankful for your comments and responds.

****

Summary: This is the next part of your journey with Maverick after you got deployed to the middle of the Ocean and he became a Top Gun Instructor for a special detachment.

When you arrived at the USS Theodore Roosevelt carrier, the sun almost set. The sky colour in the Pacific Ocean has painted a pinkish and orange colour. You are welcomed by fellow Warrant Officers you're gonna work with when you landed on the tarmac.

They show you around the carrier before they take you to your office where you're gonna work. After that, They take you to your room where you'll gonna take a rest and put your belongings.

***

You are just taking out your clothes from your bag when you hear your phone ring on the bedside table. You saw the ID caller and smile when Maverick name was displayed on it.

You sit on the bed and click the green button to accept the call. You place the phone on your ear. "Hello, Handsome" you put a smile even though he can't see you. You hear him chuckle on the other side.

"Hey, gorgeous.." his voice sounds different, something must happening.

"Talk to me.. what happened," you asked with concern. You move to the middle of the bed and sit crossed your legs.

"You know me so well, baby." He let out a sigh. "(Y/N), they want to teach in Top Gun for a special detachment program."

"And.." you raise your eyebrows, intrigued. You took the pillow behind you and place it on your lap. You rest your arms on it.

"And I can't do it. I'm not a teacher, last time I became an instructor in Top Gun, I just last for a month" he let out a deep sigh, something still bothering him, not the teaching thing.

"It's not about the teaching, isn't it?" You urged him.

He was quiet for a bit. "He's one of them and this mission they'll gonna do is suicide. I can't make him do that. I can't lose him" he whispered his last words. It's been a burden for him after Goose died. And now, if something happens to Bradley, you don't know what's gonna happen to him. He already feels so guilty about Goose's death.

You know Rooster when you're working with his Squadron in Virginia long before you met Maverick. You got close back there and became friends. When he found out you dated Maverick, he never answers your call again. With how many times you get deployed, your relationship with Rooster begins to distance and you never spoke to him again.

You wish you can fix your relationship with him again.

"Have you talked about that to Cyclone or Warlock?" You asked softly.

"I have, but they said I don't have a choice. He said if I don't take this mission, I'll never fly for Navy again" He let out a sigh again. You purse your lips and nod, and you move your phone to the other ear.

"What Iceman say?" You inquire.

"Nothing, he said I wouldn't have come if he told me Bradley gonna be in there"

"And what do you think? You still wanna take iylt? Or.." you raise your eyebrows, waiting for him to answer.

He let out a deep sigh " what choice did I have? But I don't know if I'm capable to do it"

"I know you can do it..." you smiled and leaned back to rest your back on the wall behind you.

He let out a sigh and took a deep breath and released them "So..What're you doing right now?"

"Nothing just arrived here, take out my clothes from the bag and anything" you looked around your room and brush your feet to the duffle bag that you place at the end of the bed "they give me this room where the window face to the sunset" you looked at the window where the sun slowly begins to drown, the light hitting your room in an orange glow.

"Wow, it must be nice"

"It is, especially if you're here with me," you said softly. You sat in silence for a minute before Maverick speak again. "I love you (Y/N)"

"I love you too Pete," you said to him, a single tear escaping your eyes. You miss him, and it's not even 24 hours you're away with him.

***

You are just come out from Meeting with the other Warrant Officers for the next week's testament when your phone rang in your pocket, you took your phone and smiled when you read the caller ID. You immediately click the green button on the screen and placed the report on your armpit.

You place the phone on your ear "Hey baby, what's up". You smile and walked through the hall to your room.

"Nothing, I just want to hear your voice"

You placed the phone between your shoulder and ear and take the report to your left hand.

"Oh... I miss you too" you cooed. "How's the teaching going?" You arrived at your room and open the room with your left hand.

"Great, but they still can't pass the lesson"

you step into the room and placed the file on the table.

"Give them time, I think they'll pass them and you'll get the pilot you're looking for" you open your cap and place it on the table.

"I try to talk to him by the way"

you stopped on your track for seconds.

"And, what he says" you sit on your bed and place your phone beside you. You put him on the speaker.

You open your boot when he talking

"Still the same, cold, he even talks to me as if I'm his superior, not his uncle. God, I miss him"

"Try again baby, I think he'll soften if you keep trying to talk to him" you bend down to open the lace and placed your shoe under the table with your sock on them.

"Oh, by the way, I met Penny" you stopped in your track to open the other shoe when you heard that name.

Your furrowed your eyebrows. "Penny who? Penny Benjamin?" You open your shoes while he's talking.

"Yeah, she owns a bar beside the beach in Fightertown. The first time we met, she threw me out of her bar because I place my phone on the table, she has these weird rules that you'll have to buy everyone round if you break them"

You scoffed and open your shock harshly and throw it under the table. You place the shoe under the table "Oh.."

"Yeah, and I help her fix her boat this afternoon" you gawked at the phone and scoffed quietly. So that's what he's doing in there. You open your bun harshly and throw the hair tie to the bed, it bounced out of the bed.

You picked up the phone and place it near your lips "Oh yeah, that's great, you're so kind Pete. I think they need me, talk to you soon" you told him quickly, annoyed, but he didn't notice that.

"Oh, I thought it was already late in there"

Damn! he must be set the timezone for here.

"Yeah, we have meetings for the test tomorrow" you rolled your eyes, you hate lying to him but you are mad at him right now.

"Oh, Okay, bye baby, I love you," he said cheerfully.

"Yeah, bye, love you," you told him lazily and ended up the call

"Fucking Penny Benjamin," you throw your phone to the bed and it bounced hitting the steel wall. Luckily it didn't break.

You sigh and lay on your bed, you hate Pete Mitchell. If he isn't talking about Penny Benjamin, maybe you'll gonna spend your free time doing phone sex with him. But he ruined your mood.

***

Maverick on the hangar fixes his plane when Hondo arrived beside him. "Hey, Mav"

"Hondo" he greeted back without looking at him. Still busy wrenching something inside the plane.

"I heard you talk to (Y/N) about your meeting with Penny" this get his attention, he stopped his task and throw the Wrench on the box tools.

He turn to him and furrowed his eyebrows."Yeah, how do you know about that?"

"She told me last night" he shrugged. Maverick raise an eyebrow at him.

"Weird, she didn't pick up my call for this past three days, when I text her she said, still busy" he shrugs. It's true, you never pick up his phone because you are still mad at him. You put your phone on silent and hide it in the drawer whenever he's calling to prevent yourself to pick up his call.

"Oh, you think?" Hondo raised his eyebrows.

Pete furrowed his eyebrows to him and nodded "Yeah,"

Hondo let out a chuckle at his credulousness. He then takes out his phone from his pocket and dials your number, not a minute you pick up the call.

"Hey, Hondo what's up?" He put you on speaker. He put the phone between him and Maverick.

"Oh nothing, just want to check on you. You seem so upset last night" he glance at Maverick that looked at his phone with wide eyes, surprised.

"Yeah, but I feel a bit relief talking that to you." You let out a sigh. Maverick glances at Hondo and then at the phone.

"Yeah, I'm glad it helped" Hondo looked at Maverick that try to put two and two together.

"Anything you want to say?" Maverick want to talk but Hondo holds his hand telling him to wait.

"Are you busy this week?" He inquired.

"Not really, they give us a break before the next test comes."

"Oh, What're you doing then?" He then glanced at Maverick that now has a dejected look on his face. Why you didn't pick up his call, why did you ignore him for the past three days? The thoughts begin to fill his head.

"Nothing, just watched some movie, review the Death Star Project I asked you last night."

"Oh good, I'll talk to you later (Y/N), duty calls" Hondo give Maverick a thoughtful look.

"Oh okay, bye Hondo"

"Bye (Y/N)" Hondo ended a call and looked at Maverick that now frowning.

" But why she didn't pick up my call?" He took out his phone from his jacket that he place on the bench and call your number. He places the phone in his ear but a few seconds later he harshly takes it back.

"What!? She rejects me?" He exclaimed. He calls you again but it is just a ringing sound that can be heard.

Hondo let out a sigh and place his hand on Mav's shoulder to get his attention. Maverick turned to him with a frown on his face "Mav, She told me last night about your meeting with Penny Benjamin and how you help her fix the boat"

"Yeah,? I just trying to help her, she doesn't have anyone for help" he exclaimed and let out a frustrated groan when you didn't pick up his phone call again.

"Maverick.." Hondo call him again and give him look.

And it hit him. Maverick raised his eyebrows. "What? You mean she's jealous" He exclaimed.

"I don't know man, she's your girl, ask her" Hondo rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"But I just want to be honest with her about my day" he frowned.

"Woman always be a woman" Hondo pat his shoulder and walked away.

Maverick then let out a sigh and lick his lips. He walked to his office, open the door harshly and sit on the couch. He try to call you several times but you still didn't pick up.

***

You lay on your stomach in your bed with your laptop open up. Something's Gotta Give played on your laptop, you rest your chin on the pillow that you placed underneath it and bawl over the ending when Erica prefers Harry over Julian.

You placed your phone on the drawer and let it vibrates while you watch your movie, it's been two hours now since you placed it on the drawer.

Then, the vibration stopped and was replaced by a single vibration.

You wipe your tears and take your phone from the drawer, the phone turn on when Maverick text appears.

"Baby please pick up"

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make you jealous"

"Let me make it up to you"

"Please (Y/N), I love you.."

You want to ignore it but he called again. You let out a sigh and pick up his call.

You lay on your back and place your head on the pillow.

"Oh thank god, I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you jealous, I just helped her because she doesn't have anyone for help. And we didn't do anything, just a casual chat, nothing happens"

You didn't reply just looked at the ceiling with your phone in your ear. Maverick let out a sigh

"(Y/N) please, I love you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad" you hear him sniffle, and now you feel bad because you make him cry.

You let out a sigh "I forgive you. It's just I'm jealous because you have past with her, you used to be dating her and you have so much history with her, and she's more beautiful than me. I'm just afraid you're gonna fall for her again" you told him quietly. You begin insecure when talking about Maverick ex-girlfriends.

"Baby, there's no one in this world I'm gonna fall beside of you. She's just my past, you're my future. I used to be dating her, but now I'm dating you, I'm with you. I had a history with her, but now I'm making history with you. You're the most beautiful woman for me and there's no one compare to you. And I'm not gonna fall for anyone, I love you, I love you, I love you, you're my girlfriend, my girl, the love of my life. You're the only thing that I have now, you're the only thing that matters to me. I love you" he uttered.

You don't realize you're crying while he's talking. You sniffle and let out a sob. You turn to your side facing the window "Why do you make me cry"

"I love you too Pete Mitchell. I miss you" you said between your sob, you smile and wipe your tears.

"I miss you too baby, and never doubt yourself again. You're my girl okay? Don't be sad again or worry about another woman."

"Okay, gosh I wish you were here so I can give you a hug and kiss you" you turn to your back and wipe the remaining tears with your shirt.

"Just a kiss and hug? Nothing else?" You hear his teasing voice.

"You Pervert" you let out a chuckle.

"I love you (Y/N) Cain."

"I love you too Captain Pete Mitchell," you said softly and bit your lips.

***

You're in deep discussions with your team about the last test for the weapons when two Midshipmen appeared at the door. They salute all of you and look straight at you. People in the room were quiet waiting for the Midshipmen to speak up.

"Ma'am.." one of them said to you.

"Umm.. yeah" you raised your eyebrows.

"There's a chopper waiting for you"

You looked to your team but they just shrugged. You let out a sigh and follow the Midshipman to the tarmac.

When you were inside the chopper, they explained to you that Iceman passed away and you'll have to go back to San Diego to attend his funeral. You're quiet in the entire flight, your mind begins to think of Maverick. He lost his other best friend again, he'd been left by his best friend before, and now he has to go through that again.

When you arrived at the Pacific Fleet, it was Admiral Bates that waited for you when you landed. He knows the looked on your face and told you where he is.

"He's in the conference room" you nodded to him and purse your lips. You make a beeline and walked towards the entrance door. You walked through the hall until you find the conference room.

You open the door quietly and saw him. He sat on the seat in the corner, with his elbows resting on his thighs and his hands covering his face, he still have his flight suit on. You frowned and walk toward him.

You sat beside him and placed your hand on his shoulder. Maverick lift his head from his hand and turn to looked at you. His lips quiver and he throws himself at you.

You placed your arms on his midsection and Maverick circled his arms on your waist. He begins to sob on your shoulder. His body shook and you caress his back.

He pour all of his grief into his crying, his tears begin to soak your uniform but you didn't mind. He grips your uniform on your back tightly and he let out a whimpering sound. You cry quietly at his shoulder and rest your chin on it. You let him pour all of his sadness and grief onto you. He held onto you for his dear life.

***

After he calms down and collects himself, Maverick brought you to his house that Iceman set for him while he's in Miramar for Top Gun. It was a nice house with a beach backyard.

It's actually your dream house with him, you always love the beach. Despite you growing up at downtown, you always beg your father to take you to the beach once a week. You've always dreamed to have a nice house near the beach where you can enjoy them with your lover to watch the sunset in his arms.

It was already dark when you step out of Top Gun. You told Maverick to shower and you place the clothes he's gonna wear for sleep on top of the bed. You walked downstairs to make him some tea but there was nothing here, just some water bottle on the fridge and cups of ramen noodles, oats, and bread.

You let out a sigh and take his bike to buy him some groceries.

When you get back, Maverick is already waiting for you on the counter with a water bottle in his hand. He turn his head from the water bottle when he saw you walk toward him with two bags of groceries.

"Where were you" his voice is hoarse with how long he's crying on your shoulder. His hair is still damp from the shower and it soaked his shirt.

"Bought you some real food. You should eat real things, not something from packages" you show him the bag and place them on the counter. You begin to take out the groceries from the bag to the counter. You glance at Maverick and saw him fidgeting with his water bottle.

"Baby.." you call him softly, he lifts his head to you, his eyes are glossy, he probably thinking about Iceman again. You reach for his hand and squeeze it softly "why don't you wait for me upstairs, I'll make you some tea" you squeeze his hand.

"No, I want to be close to you" he shook his head. You let out a sigh and nodded, you continued to load out the groceries.

***

You found yourself standing on the Balcony with Maverick behind you, watching the pitch black ocean, contradicted by the sky that is so bright with the star scattered around them. Maverick circle his arms on your stomach from behind, chin resting on your shoulder, you intertwined your hand with his that rest on your stomach. Two Cups of tea resting on the railing still steaming hot.

"I miss him" Maverick muttered. You leaned your head on his shoulder.

"I miss him too" you squeeze his hand "without him, maybe we can't be together right now"

You feel Maverick hand tighten his grip on your stomach "he's doing so much for us. He give me this place because he thought you're gonna come with me" he inhales deeply.

"The place is beautiful baby" the sound of waves hitting the sand filled your conversation.

"The last time I spoke to him, he told me to let go." You turn around to face him and place your arms on his neck "he told me it's time to let go. But I don't know how" he looked into your eyes, his lips begin trembling and his tears begin to fall, you brought him into your arms and he begins to sob in your shoulder. His grip on your waist begins to tighten. You caress his back and let him cry on your shoulder.

***

When you woke up, Maverick still sleeping beside you, his arm resting on your waist. You reach out to caress his cheek and brush some of his hair that got into his forehead. He must be exhausted from all of the cryings last night. You carefully lift his hand that rests on your waist and get up from the bed.

You take a shower and prepare his uniform for the funeral today. You walked downstairs to make him breakfast and coffee.

When you pour the coffee from the pot, you saw him walk downstairs with a white undershirt and his uniform trouser. He was still fresh from the shower with a towel hanging on his neck.

"Why you didn't wake me up" he walked toward you and threw his arms on your waist from behind.

"Good morning to you too, I'm sorry, you looked still so sleepy" you turn your head to him and kiss him on the lips.

"Good morning baby" he leaned to kiss you again softly.

"You don't want to be late." You pat his cheek. He pursed his lips and nodded. Remembering about the funeral.

***

At the funeral, you stand with the students and aviators. You saw how Maverick try to hold his tears while placing Iceman Naval Aviator badge on his casket. You want to hug him and let him cry on your shoulder, he didn't have to hold back.

After the funeral, Maverick got called to Top Gun by Admiral Simpson. You hug him before he's gone to base, he wants to take you home at first, but you reject and told him you already have a ride. A few minutes later, an SUV was parked in front of you. The Navy assigned the driver while you were here. You climbed into the back seat and told him to drive to Maverick's house.

***

When you go out of the shower, Maverick is sitting on the bed with a sad look on his face. You sat beside him and touch his shoulder. He looked at you "they fired me (Y/N)"

"Oh baby.." you hug him and he buries his face on your neck. After a few minutes of hugging each other, Maverick pull away, he looked into your eyes "Can you help me forget about this day?" Lust hooded in his eyes. You nodded and pull out your shirt, Maverick leaned to kiss you passionately and lay you on the bed with him hovering over you.

The kiss begins demanding with Maverick hand trailing down to your back and unhooking your bra, he threw the bra somewhere in the room. His kiss trailed down to your jaw and neck to your free breast. He pull away and stared at your swollen lips. You breathe heavily and catch your breath. Maverick raise his hand to brush your hair.

"I love you.." before you can answer back, he leaned down to kiss your lips with so much passion.

***

After your lovemaking session, you rest your head on his naked chest, a duvet covering your naked body with him. You two still embrace your after-glow sex.

Maverick have his arm behind his head and the other caressing your naked back softly. He stared at the ceiling.

"I don't know what to do (Y/N), when I'm ready to take the responsibility, they set me off" he let out a sigh. You scoot closer and rest your chin on his chest with your hand underneath them.

Maverick tilt his head down to look at you, you give him a small smile "you don't sound like Maverick"

He raised his eyebrows at you and looked at you puzzled.

"Maverick I know never say I don't know, he always knows what to do," you told him and reach out to caress his cheek with your free hand.

Before he can answer back, your phone rings on the nightstands. You turn around to reach out for your phone, you read the caller ID before hitting the green button and accepting the call.

"Yeah.." you place the phone on your ear.

You propped your body with your elbow.

"Okay, I'm at Captain Mitchell's house.."

"Thank you.." you ended the call and place your phone back on the nightstands. You get up from the bed and gather your clothes.

"Wait, you already want to leave?" He frowned and propped his body to look at your naked body walking around the room gathering your articles of clothing.

"Yeah, I'm supposed to leave after the funeral," you told him and after you find your bra under the bed. You walked to the bathroom to change into your uniform.

You're out ten minutes later. You sitting on the bed to put your boot on. Maverick still lay on the bed, with a duvet covering half of his naked body.

"(Y/N), what do you think I should do?" He turns to look at your back. You tie your lashes and turn to him.

"I don't know "you shrug and smile at him, Maverick cock an eyebrow at your answer.

"What do you always do when people start to doubt your skill of flying?" You stared at his eyes.

"I'll show them that I can do that" he shrugs. You smile and reach out to touch his cheek "exactly, that's what my Maverick always do" you caress his cheek lovingly. You hear your phone ring again, they must be here.

You leaned down and give his kiss a smooch "I'll see you in two weeks. I love you baby"

"I love you too" you stand up and reach for your phone on the nightstands. Maverick let out a sigh and lay his head on the pillow beneath him. He staring at the ceiling thinking about your words.

***

You're inside the Comanche plane preparing the plane and the weapons for the mission today. A Midshipman approached you and informed you that the pilot that'll do this mission has arrived.

"Ma'am, Captain Mitchell requested to see you" another Midshipman come and inform you, he step aside and revealed Maverick with his flight suit on.

"Oh no...." you muttered. He let out a sigh and stared into your eyes. "Can we talk" he glances at the crew on the plane " in private"

***

Now you found yourself in the hangar, watching the ocean with Maverick beside you.

You hug yourself "You said you just gonna be the instructor, not the one that'll gonna lead this mission," you said to him, still looking at the ocean. Your tears are at the bay. You turn to him and that's when your tears fall down. "I read the mission Mav, it's dangerous, and-and has low chances to get out alive" your lips quiver and you bit your bottom lip to hold yourself from sobbing.

Maverick leaned closer and reach for your hand "But we did it baby, we trained, and we know how to do it successfully and return home safely" he reassured you.

"Training is different from real life" you exclaimed.

Maverick brought you to his arms and you begin to sob in his arms. He strokes your back and kisses your hair, trying to calm you down. He can't bear it when you're crying or sad because of him. After a few minutes, your sobbing begins to reduce. He rests his chin on top of your head. "You remember when Ice told me I should let go this time?" He muttered. You nodded in his embrace. "I think this is the time. This is gonna be my last mission and" he pull you away from him and stared at you.

He grabs something from his pocket and takes out a black velvety box, you let out a gasp and covered your mouth with your hand. He opens the box and a beautiful ring with a blue diamond in the middle of it is presented to you.

He looked into your eyes "I'm gonna spend my life with you. So will you marry me?"

You let out a choked sob and begin to cry again. "Why now? It's not the right time" you sniffle, and Maverick begins to frown, thinking you reject him, but you reach out for his hand. "Of course, I want to marry you"

He chuckles and takes out the ring from the box, he takes your left hand and put the ring on your ring finger.

You looked at the ring on your finger closely and examined it."It's so beautiful." You cooed, you looked at him "But you're gonna do this mission Mav, I can't bear myself if I'm losing you" you frowned.

Maverick leaned closer and cup your cheek, he wipe your tears with his thumb. "You won't baby, I promise to you. I promise I'll come back. If you want we can go to Hondo and marry us right now in here" he offered.

You let out a chuckle and sniffle "I want you to be my husband for the rest of my life. Not just a day. I don't want you to get hunted by my dad's drones and get killed". He let out a breathy laugh and tuck you into his arms.

He kiss your forehead "I love you (Y/N) Cain" he muttered on your forehead

"I love you too, Pete Mitchell" you tightened your grip on his waist.

***

"Maverick," Hondo called for Maverick that looked lost in thoughts.

"Maverick?" Maverick turn to Hondo on his side. He was already seated on his Jet.

"Hey, you with me?" He looked at him in concern, Maverick just give him a look "I don't like that look, mav." Hondo shakes his head.

"It's the only one I got." Maverick was silent for a second. He turned to Hondo again "Thank you. If I don't see you again, Hondo, thank you."

Hondo shakes his head "Don't say that, (Y/N) told me what happened. You can't bail on her, you know how her dad is", he and Maverick let out a chuckle. Maverick actually want to marry you when he proposed, he's not joking about getting Hondo to Marry you on the Hangar. He can call you his wife, and you can call him your husband even if it's just a few hours. He'll die in happiness because he knows how it feels to build a life that he dreamed about last night, even if it is just a few hours.

Hondo then places his hand on Maverick shoulder. "It's been an honour, Captain."

Maverick nodded and Hondo leave him for his takeoff.

***

You're sitting in the control room with Hondo beside you, the headphones rest on your head. They want you to control the Comanche for the weapons operations inside the plane, but you can't do that, not with Maverick on the team. You don't want to jeopardize the mission.

The Comms officer begins to send the Dagger team and Comanche on the air. You looked closely at the screen with one arm resting on your stomach and the other resting under your chin.

The Comms announced that the Dagger Team and Comanche are below the radar now. You held your breath for a second and waited for their attack.

The Comms looked over to you and you nodded "launch the Tomahawks" you said to your comm.

"Tomahawks airborne. Thirty seconds to tomahawk impact on enemy airstrip." The second Comms informed the room and you let out a sigh, the real mission is gonna start soon.

The Comms informed about the delay on Rooster jet. You shared a looked with Hondo when the second Comms inform that the missile hit the target. The enemy gonna know now.

You bounced your leg and bit your bottom lips hearing the squad destroy the target and try to escape the missiles that chase them, and then something that you prayed for not to happen, happened.

"Dagger one is hit! I repeat dagger one is hit! Maverick is down." You abruptly rose to your feet and looked at the screen with wide eyes. It is not happening, he promised you to come back.

Your ears begin to ringing, and the sound around you has faded away. You begin breathing heavily. You take out your headphones and turn around to walk out of the room, you hear their faded argument and Hondo calling your name, but you just keep walking out of the room.

Your feet carry you to the hangar where Maverick proposed to you. You fall to your knees and begin to sob.

He promise to come back, he promise to marry you, but now he's gone, and there's nothing you can't do. Maverick is gone, your boyfriend, your best friend, your lover, half of you is gone.

You begin to sob and placed your left hand on your chest, his engagement ring begins heavy in your hand. You should accept his offer when he says he would marry you here. You should accept it, you would be happy to call him husband even if it is just a few hours. But now he is gone, and you can't call him your husband.

You don't know how long you sobbed and sit on the cold floor when Hondo place his hand on your shoulder. You looked at him with puffy eyes and tears still streaming down your cheeks. He already has his CWO vest on.

"They're back, Maverick and Rooster are alive," He told you. You stared at him, you didn't know Rooster got hit too.

You wipe your tears with your sleeve and Hondo offered his hand to assist you to stand up. He smiles at you and pats your shoulder.

You wipe your neck where the tears trailed down to there. Hondo leaves you to prepare for Maverick landing and you go to the bathroom first to wash your face. Your eyes are still puffy with how long you cried. You walked out of the Bathroom straight to the entrance door. You stood beside Admiral Simpson and looked at Maverick that embrace Rooster. You let out a small sob and place your hand on your mouth. He's alive, without a scratch.

Maverick pull away from Rooster and looked at you, he mouthed I love you to you and you looked at him and kiss the engagement ring that he gave you.

***

You stared at the standing mirror in front of you and looked at your wedding dress. It was a beautiful wedding dress for your beach theme wedding. You're gonna marry Maverick today in the backyard of the house Iceman bought for him. It has a nice beach at the back, so you decided to Marry in there.

You hear knocks on the door and turn around to face the door.

"Come in" you called out, your father, Admiral Cain, dressed up in a tuxedo stepped into the room. You decided you didn't want any military traditions for your wedding, you want them simple like any civilian wedding. Besides, it is just a small wedding in the backyard with just family and close friends attending them.

He looked at you from the open door, "You looked beautiful" he walked toward you, and you smile sheepishly at him."Thanks, dad"

You saw him try to hold back his tears but they still come out. You let out a breathy laugh and your tears spill down too. He wipes your tears with his thumb and caresses your cheeks lovingly. He kisses your forehead and pulls away.

"C'mon, I think it's time I'm handing you to that punk," he told you and give you the flower that you place on the Vanity. You take the flowers from his hand and rolled your eyes. "Dad, he's gonna be your son-in-law soon, be nice to him."

He grumble something and you looped your arms with his. You walked to the backdoor of the house that already decorated so it is visible for someone to see from outside.

The piano song of 'Here's come the bride' can be heard when the backdoor is opened. You put on your biggest smile and walked down to Maverick that wearing a blue Tuxedo on the decorated aisle waiting with Bradley as his best man. Hondo is gonna marry you today.

"You know, I still don't like him" your dad muttered in your ear when you two close to the aisle. You just rolled your eyes at him and continue to walk to the aisle.

You arrived at Maverick and your dad give your hand to Maverick. He grab Maverick shoulder roughly and looked him in the eyes. "Take care of her, or you know what happened if you make her sad" he threatened him.

Maverick gulped and nodded"Yes sir".

He released Maverick and kiss your cheek before he walked to sit beside your sister's husband. You give the flower in your hand to your sister as your bridesmaids.

You let out a chuckle and Maverick hold your hands tightly. You can feel his hand sweating in yours.

Hondo clears his throat and begins the ceremony.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate one of life’s greatest moments, the joining of two hearts. In this ceremony today, we will witness the joining (Y/N) Cain and Pete Mitchell in marriage." You stared at Maverick eyes and he do the same. You two have the biggest smile on your face during the entire Hondo talk of the opening ceremony.

"You're beautiful" he mouthed. You tilt down your head to hide your blush and mouthed thank you to him.

"Today we have come together to witness the joining of these two lives. For them, out of the routine of ordinary life, the extraordinary has happened. They met each other, fell in love and are finalizing their wedding today. Romance is fun, but true love is something far more and it is their desire to love each other for life and that is what we are celebrating here today."

"Now, Repeat after me" Hondo turn to Maverick that still staring at you with a goofy smile on his face, Hondo have to repeat his words to break Maverick attention. Maverick looked at Hondo with wide eyes, embarrassed, he then clears his throat.

"I, Pete Mitchell take you (Y/N) Cain to be my lawfully wedded wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honour and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live." Maverick follow every word Hondo said. He stared into your eyes and never lose his smile. He squeeze your hand after he finished his vow.

Hondo then turns to you "(Y/N), Repeat after me: I (Y/N) Cain take you Pete Mitchell to be my lawfully wedded husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honour and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live." You follow every word Hondo said. After you finish your vow people begin to cheer and clap. You have to bite your bottom lips to contain your smile.

"By the power vested in me by the state of and American Marriage Ministries, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." Maverick and you begin to lean toward each other and he kisses you passionately. People that cheering and clapping are fades away with how Maverick kisses you. He reaches his hand to cup your cheek and deepens the kiss that makes people go wild.

***

After your wedding ceremony, Maverick brought you to his shop.

You are seated on the back seat of his Mustang P-51 that he got fixed before the wedding. You are still in your wedding dress and he is still in his wedding suit. He sat on the pilot seat and turn to you.

"You ready, my wife?" He called out

"Ready as I'll ever be, my husband," you told him. He closed the canopy and begins to turn on the engine, he takeoff the plane and takes you for a joyride to the valley with Sun illuminating your body. The banner that was written "Just Married" was tied up on the tail of the plane. It unravels when you two are in the sky.

#top gun maverick #pete maverick mitchell fic #pete mitchell x y/n #pete maverick mitchell x female reader #pete mitchell x female reader #maverick x reader #pete maverick mitchell #maverick x y/n #maverick fluff #maverick x you #tom cruise #tom cruise fic

[mintythecuptalks]

vent

I fucking hate myself bro

Im not even gonna try hide it.

I hate how i sound, how I look, how i act, how I feel, how I even make friends. How i talk. Just fucking everything. I'm really trying to be that role model for you guys and I can't give up just like that, but it's making me wanna give up on my au, and just.. delete everything

I cant make anyone fucking proud and I'm not even good enough for anyone. Shit I say was never fucking said to me. I really hate myself, I hate how my body looks. I hate how it's shaped. I hate my hands. My face. My hair. My arms. My legs. My stomach. MY CHEST. EVERYTHING

Im just that little girl who craved the "attention" they gave me BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LOVE. I WISH I NEVER FUCKING CAME ONTO THE INTERNET.

Its so hard to cry, my room hadn't been cleaned and it smells fucking bad in here because of the old food. My clothes are everywhere. My bedsheets aren't even on my bed. I finally showed i guess. My eating habits are coming back where I starved myself until I ended up in the hospital. I'm failing school I can hardly fucking sleep now. I'm vaping, I wanna start cigarettes again.

My whole world is falling apart and I haven't turned to anyone about it. Because I feel like I'll annoy them so much that they wouldn't respond fast enough. There was a few times where they'd stop replying because they were texting other people and forgot to text me and shit. Am I that fucking boring?? Am I not worthy enough to reply to?? I'm always told that I'm good to talk to while venting to and I'm lovely for that. But the bad part about that Is- no one ever fucking spoke to me the way I spoke to them. A few people have. But it was never said to me before I met them.

Im always compared to people who were hated on. Called dramatic. Now I'm wondering if what I'm feeling even fucking matters anymore. It's getting worse and i know it. I'm hardly trying to get better and i know I don't even deserve to get better.

I KNOW I WAS FUCKING YOUNG. I STILL SHOULDNT HAVE DONE THE SHIT I DID. I SHOULDNT FUCKING HAVE. I HURT PEOPLE. I MADE THEM RELAPSE. I MADE PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE. I BROKE UP FRIENDSHIPS. I SHOULD OF FUCKING KNOWN BETTER.

I SHOULD OF. IDC IF WE WERE YOUNG. I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT I SHOULDNT HAVE DONE THAT BUT I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

i hate myself so fucking much. I wish I was never born sometimes. I really fucking think i won't make it to 18 I swear. I have been thinking about that for these past 4 fucking years. I was 11 when I started thinking that.

Im not even good enough to even do anything for myself. But I always make sure my siblings are fed. I don't make them starve.

Im a burden to everyone. Everyone

Including myself

#vent post #minty speaks

[northerngoshawk]

2023 Year-End Fic Round Up

many thanks to @itsmoonpeaches and @chocomd for the tags

oh boi i have not written a lick of a word since starting college again but here goes nothing

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!): 149,165. probably have more due to wips that i started (but didn't finish) last year but for now i'll go with this number

Smut scenes written (if applicable): 0

New things I tried:

dabbled a lil in the Spiderverse fandom with my drabble a thin thread of trust, broken

tried my hand at a more romantically inclined fic premise with a love worth fighting for, my kataang forbidden lovers au

tried my hand at integrating Chinese culture a lot more into the ATLA world with Pangu, my kataang week fic written for the Injured prompt

other than that, there wasn't that much i experimented with. it felt a bit like the same old, same old

Fic I spent the most time on: definitely a love worth fighting for. twas a multi-chap with 6 chapters, with the word count ranging anywhere from 2k to 6k words? maybe even more. but not only did i want to portray the romance, i also wanted to flesh out the worldbuilding, develop other relationships b/w characters in this au, and so on. thus, this fic was warranted to be the one i spent the most time on

Fic I spent the least time on: a thin thread of trust, broken. it was really just a drabble from Thoughts i was having about Across the Spiderverse, specifically about Gwen and her relationship with her friends and Miles and also as a response to the unwarranted Gwen hate that she got post-movie something something misogyny something something redemption not being necessary for her because she was just a teen caught in a horrible situation but i digress

Favourite thing I wrote: oof idk. i think i really love how Pangu turned out, mostly because that was my first really deep dive into trying to integrate Chinese culture into the ATLA world. i know the premise of the fic was for kataang week, but my intention here was to delve deeper into the loneliness and burden Aang would inevitably feel in being the Avatar, and how it's always Katara (and his other friends) who help carry that burden with him. i think the story of Pangu really helps act as that parallel to Aang, but where the giant in the story was alone and eventually perished under the weight of his burden, Aang's friends help shoulder that weight with him and help him live.

Favourite thing I read: i'll be honest, i haven't really read a lot of fics recently, but one that does stand out for me is @chocomd's Enough, a kataang hanahaki fic, and its sequel The Deal. the writing between these two fics is incredibly gorgeous and haunting, managing to capture a kind of horrific beauty in both the hanahaki that afflicted Katara and the hope-turned-horror of Aang's eventual deal with... well, you'd have to read these fics to find out.

Writing goals for next year:

i'll probably take a sharp right turn from ATLA for now and head off towards writing fic for Genshin. i don't really have any good ideas for ATLA for now, which probably means i need a change of pace and to discover new material to work with. i'll probably come back to ATLA someday, but right now, between school and impending work and my hyperfixation on Genshin, i just can't find anything to work with.

in a similar vein above, i'm probably gonna take a break from romance and introspection and try my hand at action and adventure. unlike most of the Genshin fandom, i don't really ship anyone with anyone, and i also don't care about what the fandom thinks - i'm happy in my own little corner. i also recently read Six of Crows and i think it's high-time i try and conduct my own kind of plot. maybe through a mafia au? dungeon au? apocalypse? spy? who knows

even though i'm looking to eventually turn to Genshin, i do wanna finish up my pending Demon Slayer AU fic The Last Wind-Breather. i kinda want it to be a series of fics in the world, but for now i think i'll finish up the 2nd chapter and then come back to this au from time to time, write whatever comes to mind.

aaaand with that being said, i should probably at least get a chapter or two out for see the sky and sea (and remember me). started this fic in 2022, but even then i want to tie up my loose ends, give these fics the endings they deserve

Tagging (no pressure): @flameohotwife @benwvatt @shameaboutthedilettantism @coyotelemon and anyone else who wants to join in, feel free to!

#northern gets tagged #tag game #fanfiction ask game #ask game

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Chris x pretty are so perfect ( the Drabble was so effing cute ugh!) but now I’m thinking what are their respective red flags ?? Like what are things that they need to work on in their relationship?? We’ve seen from that previous chapter that sometimes it does go down between them..

ohhh, good question, good question. i don't include this much in the stories because most of the time i just want to write the positive stuff lol i'm already too sad irl to deal with it constantly in my silly little stories as well, but i have certainly thought about this before, so i'll leave some thoughts under the cut:

so... Chris is very stubborn. very. he believes his ways are the best ways, you know? although he does try to let go of this and let people do what they want or feel like they need to to, he'll always have that little voice on the back of his head telling him that his opinion on any matter is the right one. see their argument in afraid to lose you, he was tired, scared, and it was near impossible for him to believe anything other than that his opinion on pretty turning was the only one, you know?

besides, he's half animal. he's incomprehensible levels of Intense™. in general, it's hard for him to be normal when it comes to emotions. he feels too much, too quickly, and depending on the situation this can cause both him and his partner distress and start misunderstandings (it's great when the emotions are positive, tho. as we've seen...)

also, he's very career driven, and tends to lose himself in his day to day job, to the point where he doesn't take care of his basic needs (food, sleep, cuddles with his pretty girl, etc). if he's too engrossed in what he's working on, he'll lose all sense of self and his surroundings, which will make pretty mum's left eye twitch in annoyance because he's a grown man that needs to take care of himself.

pretty is intense as well, although to a lesser, more human degree. i don't think their relationship would work if she weren't, tbh. chris' inner voice said it in the narrative of Alpha Dog, he'd been told he was too intense before, which is smth pretty hasn't done because she's just the same. again, this is great when it comes to positive emotions, because they're able to enjoy their love to the fullest, but when negativity seeps in, it can cause arguments and disagreements.

additionally, pretty can be... insecure. we know she's not particularly insecure about her looks, so this is not the source of her insecurities. it's her capabilities that she often worries about, which leads her to overthink things, to isolate herself from her loved ones because she feels like she can't fully provide them the support they need.

contradictorily, she likes to mother people. she's always been the mum friend, probably not only because she cares deeply about her friends and because she's good at it, but also because she likes to feel needed, you know? which is part of the reason why Chris' lack of care for his basic needs when he gets in his heads gets to her so much, because she doesn't want to mother him, but she feels like she'll eventually end up doing it because that's just who she is, and a girlfriend shouldn't really be mothering her boyfriend that's not how that works lol.

one thing that causes arguments sometimes is that Chris doesn't like to burden people with his problems, whereas pretty ALWAYS wants to help people with their problems, so sometimes it's like they're both on the opposite sides of a spectrum where she wants to know what's weighing heavy on his mind to help him, but he doesn't wanna tell her so she doesn't worry about him.

ultimately, they're both mature enough to know these things. not the things in themselves, but also in each other, and they really do try their best to communicate. Chris has gotten better at opening up, just like pretty has learnt to let things go sometimes when he's too closed off, simply reminding him that if he does want to talk about it, she'll be there.

they try to support each other even in their bad days, and if any arguments occur they'll always find a way to work it out.

#anon #ask #wereroomies ask #wereroomies headcanons

[akiseung]

Angel or Devil ep.2

warnings : bully!soobin, manipulator!soobin bullying, manipulation, verbal abuse????

category : angst

a/n : school is taking over my liiife so i havent wrote about this in a while but im very bored and i'm very inspired SO here we goooo!

part 1!!!!!

part 2 !!!!

just get here kai, was all your mind had been thinking for the past 5 minutes. You just wanted one of his comforting hugs.

"im here Y/N, i'm just around the corner…" Kai say's as calmly as he can.

"actually let me come get you, stay where you are...okay?" Kai asks.

"yeah... okay..." You say, finally catching your breath

He finds you in record speed and you guys silently walk back to the car.

"so... wanna tell me what happened?" he asks nervously. You could tell he was freaking out himself.

"yeah so uhm.. basically soobin came and he like... uhm.." you took a deep breath in and out

"take your time." Kai says reassuringly.

"he uhm... threatened me.... he was telling me stuff like he was going to get rid of my friends and make my life a living hell.." You said cautiously

"I understand if you don't believe me-"

"no, no, I believe you Y/N. Just why would he do that?" Kai asks concerned.

"He didn't hurt you, right??" He goes into panic mode, checking your face and arms for scars or bruises.

"No he didn't, he said he didn't want me to have 'physical proof' or something like that... but i'm not sure, he said just 'because he wanted to'?"

"Well, that's good... but there has to be more than that... I mean, his mom died... you don't think..." Kai asked with eyes wide, shocked at the discovery he just made.

"There's no way..." You breathe out

"Neither of my parents ever went to jail or anything. No cops have ever showed up to our house, and I don't think any of my relatives have a relationship with his family... though I can't be sure on that last part." You say with a little confidence

"well, how about we rule that out for now. The problem is... what's the next step? If he really is going to try to get rid of your friends, wouldn't he start with me? And how is he going to make your life a 'living hell'??" Kai asks, looking out of breath at the realization.

"I really don't know.. I guess we'll have to find out on monday." You say, looking at your hands in your lap. You were almost embarrassed. You felt bad for putting Kai in this position, he didn't deserve that.

"hey..." Kai said, poking your hand.

"whats going on, I know that look" He says almost comedically

"I just feel bad for putting you in this position, you know?" you mumble.

Kai almost laughs

"it's not funny..." the tears were about to fall, how could he joke at a time like this???

"It's not funny I know," He says cooing you

"But it's funny that you think I wouldn't want to be in this position, I would much rather help you and take on any burden you have then sit and watch, I promise Y/N you should not feel bad for telling me ok? what else are best friends for?" Kai asks, full body towards you now.

You finally look up, making eye contact with Kai

"thank you so much Kai, you have no idea how much that means to me, I mean it, thank you" you say whole heartedly.

Even though you two are in a car, that wasn't particularly THAT comfortable, that doesn't stop Kai from hugging you as hard as he can.

"kai.. I can't breathe" you say, jokingly

"maybe I don't want you to!" He says in a sarcastic, high-pitched voice.

"let's put a bitch in his fucking place on monday, yeah?" Kai says, evilly smirking

oh boy, what does he have planned now...

#soobin #soobin angst #hueningkai #tomorrow x together #y/n #ansgt #txt angst

[technically-uh]

-TAEHYUNG'S first kiss

______________♡_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

summary: introverted taehyung has his first kiss with extroverted reader!

triggers: introverted taehyung feeling excluded, sad and lonely. oh, and one kiss.

genre: angst and fluff

a/n: ahahHA this is just how i feel during parties and stuff. my extroverted friends must be crying rn. and i like, wanted to like. just start my year with a nice fic about a first kiss. idk.

taehyung really hates you right now (not really). of course this happens. of course you drag him to this stupid party, convincing him that it's gonna be fun and he believes you and shares your enthusiasm and follows you to the party, even though he knows he's cripplingly introverted and knows that he'll hate it. and of course you saunter away, being the extrovert you are, and he can't even say anything because he wants you to fully enjoy and not be anchored to him and only him. and so he ends up awkward, all alone.

taehyung rolls his eyes as he gets up from the couch. he keeps his hands in his pockets as he steps out of the house. it is a very cold night. he isn't informing you that he's leaving, but you seemed busy and he didn't wanna interrupt you when you were having fun with your friends. not that he was mad at you or jealous of you or something, but he was just genuinely awkward, and didn't want to be a burden. or a bother.

he takes out his phone and texts you as he walks away from the music and the lights. he rubs his hands together and breathes out slowly in the freezing cold. and he hears your voice.

"taehyung!"

he turns back and looks at you. you're running towards him, gasping for breath. you don't really have that cheerfulness that you always do. you seem confused. upset. "where are you going?" you ask him.

"erm," he says, guiltily. "um. home."

you stare at him and look at your watch. "but it isn't even 8," you tell him as he grins and ruffles his hair awkwardly.

"yeah, well," he says honestly, "i'm not really having fun here." it's depressing. i just wanna go home.

you pout, disappointed. "oh," you mumble quietly. you look down at your feet. "i'm sorry," you apologize guiltily. "i should've spent more time with you-"

"no, no!" he says quickly. "not at all." he looks down too. "i, um, i understand. it's fine. you don't have to be tethered to me. i just don't enjoy.. these sorta parties." he grins at you comfortingly. "i'll be fine, though, don't worry!" he says. you smile at him.

"but- but-" you say hastily, still directing your gaze to your feet, "that's not the only reason i feel sad that you're leaving."

oh. "what's the other reason?" he asks, curious. you finally look at him, lockyour eyes with his, and take a deep breath. you smile at him as you lean in and plant a kiss on his soft, pink lips.

when you lean back, taehyung is absolutely surprised. you chuckle at him as he's frozen in shock, his face pink and lips slightly parted. "this is what i wanted to do," you say softly.

you hear someone calling your name and realize you need to go back. you really don't wanna leave him, especially not now, but you just know it's what you need to do. you lean in towards him again and whisper, "see you soon. very soon." and you run back to the house.

and taehyung's just standing there, in the cold, feeling warm.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________♡_____________

pic from v's instagram account: @thv. very obviously lol

hope you liked reading this :D

#bts #bts fanfic #bts imagines #taehyung x reader #kim taehyung #introverted v #bts v #bts!

[plushiehamuko]

AU where Yusuke stays with the Sakura family?

OMG STARS MY FRIEND STARS THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK BECAUSE i feel like everyone else just forgot about the time that yusuke just almost ended up moving in with akira BUT I WILL REMEMBER IT FOREVER BC PERSONALLY I SCREAMED CRIED FREW UP OVER IT anyways squishy rant incoming so. (also sorry in advance i kinda got off topic and psychoanalyzed him. sorry)

(also MAIN SCENE I AM REFERENCING HERE i kinda forgor the exact dialogue and had to spend forever looking for it so here's the link for anyone else who also wants to see)

ok so i wanna preface this by saying that sojiro had no way of knowing the exact details of yusuke's personal trauma and situation at the time of the scene i am referecing, and none of his situation is sojiro's fault or responsibility. i say none of this with the intention of blaming.

but man do i wish he had insisted more when yusuke rejected his offer bc. URHGURHUGRUGHUGHHH

i wish sojiro could have seen yusuke in that moment. i wish he could have realized that maybe he isn't as fine as he seems to always insist he is. i wish he looked at him and saw a teenage boy that needs to be taken care of and have a real home just like any other teenager his age.

generally speaking, i think yusuke has this habit of isolating himself from others and having an "i'll be fine, i'll figure it out" attitude when he is, in actuality, extremely lonely and not actually as fine as he says he is at all. and the problem is that everyone else around him kinda shrugs it off as "well, that's yusuke for you" instead of treating it like an actual problem. and this scene is a PRIME EXAMPLE OF THAT (although once again i truly think sojiro didn't really know better at this time)

people look at yusuke who can't even accept someone's time without apologizing for being a burden, yusuke who doesn't have a reliable source of money or the ability to budget responsibly when he can access some (which!!! btw!!!! makes total sense bc once again he is a teenager, and a lot of teenagers cannot do that!!!!!!), yusuke who regularly ends up starving himself, yusuke who's admitted that nobody has ever so much as cared enough to listen to his feelings, yusuke who's lost so much and who's been abandoned and neglected and who's never had a safe place to call home (gonna come back to this) and they go. "oh he's fine that's just yusuke for you!"

and it's like. he is a LITERAL teenager. he has the phantom thieves, and yes, that helps, but he needs someone to specifically be there for him, and while all of the other phantom thieves have at least one (good) parent or guardian or best friend, yusuke doesn't have that at all.

AND SOJIRO HAD THE CHANCE TO FIX THAT ALL WITH ONE SCENE BUT MY HOPES AND DREAMS WERE TORN UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES

to be clear, i think yusuke rejecting sojiro's offer was very in-character for him. the reason he cited checks out for him, but i also think there's more going on there. i think... yusuke's never really had much. abandonment and neglect aren't new feelings for him, and anything he's ever had has been ripped away from him. it makes me think he'd have complicated feelings about putting himself in a situation where he'd get too comfortable out of fear that he'd once again just lose it bc that's all he knows. i don't think he really is used to having a space he considers safe, either. i'm reblogging another post that talks about this that i think is really good SO IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO READ THIS ALSO READ THAT

i understand his hesitance, but i also just wish sojiro had insisted. bc i am NOW GETTING TO THE ACTUAL POINT

i think sojiro could have taken such good care of yusuke and been such a positive influence on him. first of all, just him having access to shelter that actually feels like home and food is something he needs so desperately. this is something that sojiro would definitely be able and willing to provide. and additionally, i think sojiro's somewhat strict no-nonsense attitude could be a really good influence on him with of some of his reckless behaviors that need to be reeled in a bit.

yusuke and futaba are also already basically siblings and their dynamic might just be my favorite in the game. they are SO silly and their autism-to-autism communication is just perfect!!!!!!! they always fight as if they're siblings, and it's in such a way that you can tell that despite their constant arguments, they also love each other very much and they'd both be totally down to beat someone up for the other.

and finally, akira and yusuke is a dynamic that i would have loved to see developed much better, and this would have been the perfect opening for it. bc it feels like... even by the end of yusuke's confidant and by the end of the game, akira never quite gets him. there's a lot of times when speaking to yusuke where i didn't like any of the dialogue options and i've felt like akira is still treating him standoffisjh. i would have liked them to become closer and have less of a "yeah okay whatever you say weird boy" attitude coming from akira when it comes to him. and i think being around him all the time and including him in the family dynamic would have given us this chance

in my heart. sojiro adopted yusuke that day. and it was wonderful. bc i love yusuke to pieces and it's what he deserves. thanks for coming to my ted talk

#squishy talks too much #i really went off here. do you guys think i am normal still #i fucking love yusuke. like. LOVE HIMMMM #people talk to squishy!! #about yusuke <3

[gayleviticus]

Better to Serve in Hell than Rule in Heaven

Kyubey: I don't believe it. Your tainted Soul Gem should have disappeared with your soul, but it hasn't! Why? Homura: Because I remembered why I repeated time and suffered over and over again; my feelings for Madoka, they run so deep that even pain has become precious to me. And as for my Soul Gem? A curse isn't what's tainted it. Kyubey: Then what is? Homura: Something you can't understand, Incubator. It is the pinnacle of all human emotion. More passion than hope, much deeper than despair. Love! - Rebellion

 I rewatched Rebellion today for the first time in about 5 years and was really struck by just how juicy Homura’s character is in the film – her selfish selflessness, her turning the whole way of the world upside down even as she perpetuates it. She’s heartbroken and guilty over leaving Madoka to sacrifice for the good of the world, so her solution here is to make herself the sacrifice instead.

If Madoka was to be a goddess, Homura’s fate is to stand against her and become the Devil. And so, she creates a paradise where no more magical girls have to suffer or become Witches or die, and where Madoka and her friends can live in peace. What’s so bad about that? The Incubators suffer, but they had it coming. Homura suffers, but it’s a sacrifice she’s willing to make.

But in the end, have things really changed? A magical girl becomes a godlike being and rewrites the entire universe to bring about her ideal happy ending, sacrificing her normal existence in the process. Madoka didn’t quite break the cycle, but rather softened it; magical girls still commit themselves to lives of endless fighting, but instead of rotting into Witches they instead find peace in Madoka’s arms when time runs out. Homura, in turn, smashes the cycle entirely, placing the burden of the world’s salvation on the Incubators’ backs… but at the cost of her own happiness.

In a sense, her Rebellion changes everything, but the logic of sacrifice endures. But perhaps this Rebellion against the world is a necessary step. For all the struggle and sacrifice, all Madoka could do was cheat a cold, cruel, impersonal cycle last-minute. But what Homura does is prove that love is stronger than such systems. And yes, it’s a twisted, flawed, unsustainable love, built on trapping Madoka in a pretty little cage as Homura tears herself apart from the inside. But it’s love nonetheless, triumphing over rigid laws and the cruelty of fate.

I’ve seen some complaints that Rebellion mischaracterises Homura – she would never do something as evil as rip Madoka out of heaven. But isn’t this basically the logical extreme of her entire raison d’etre throughout the series? Homura rewinds time again and again and again to prevent Madoka making a wish and becoming a magical girl, no matter what Madoka thinks. She takes it upon herself to become Madoka’s protector, and the painful truth is that the greater this love grows, the further she becomes from Madoka in truth.

So when Madoka decides on her final wish, Homura is terrified.

Madoka: I finally figured it out what I wanna wish for. I know what I want now more than anything else. And I'm ready to trade my life for it with no regrets. Homura: But you can't! If you do then, everything I've fought for, it's all for nothing! Episode 12: ‘My Very Best Friend’

Is it really such a surprise to think that the Homura who spent endless cycles fighting to spare Madoka from the pain of becoming a magical girl would hesitate to do the same to spare her from the pain of becoming a goddess?

At first, Homura tells herself that it’s OK. This is what Madoka wanted. But then when in Rebellion she tells Madoka about the terrifying ‘dream’ she had, where Madoka went far far away, never to be seen again, forgotten by everyone except Homura…

Homura: I was so lonely and sad... But no one understood how I felt. I started to think all my memories of you were just things I'd made up... I thought I was going crazy... Madoka: You're right... That dream does sound awful. But it's okay now, really! I'm not going anywhere, especially if it's so far away I couldn't see you again. I'd never do something like that. Rebellion

Everything falls apart. The sole consolation Homura had clung to – that Madoka was happy, that the sacrifice was worth it – comes undone. Madoka would never do something like that. How could Homura let her best friend throw her life away like that?

Madoka has no idea, of course – she has no idea how brave she’s capable of being, how much courage she has to spare for the sake of the world. But for Homura, this is where she realises that she’s made an incredibly stupid mistake.

For Homura, anything that causes Madoka pain is automatically her enemy. And when she realises how much pain becoming the Law of Cycles caused her – well, the logical conclusion is that the greatest threat to Madoka’s wellbeing is Madoka herself.

Homura: Well then, I suppose one day, you'll also be my enemy. It's fine, I don't care. I'll keep wishing for a world where you can be happy. Rebellion

So Homura selfishly chooses to override Madoka’s wish, out of pure, selfless love. Out of love for Madoka, she turns herself into the Devil, a suitable foe to fight a Goddess. Out of love for Madoka, she has imprisoned the girl within a prison of illusions. Out of love for Madoka, she has essentially renounced Madoka’s love.

There’s something utterly selfless about this. Homura is willing to make Madoka – her little pet bird singing sweetly in a silver garden – her enemy. She puts Madoka’s welfare first and foremost, even if it means someday Madoka might reject her, or fight her, or perhaps even hate her. In order to prove her love for Madoka, Homura is happy to never be loved by Madoka in return. Without hope, without witness, without reward, she takes the burden from her shoulders. Better to serve in Hell than rule in Heaven.

But there’s something undeniably selfish here. Who cares what Madoka wants? Madoka comes all the way to save her from her self-inflicted hell within the Soul Gem, and yet Homura refuses because she knows best. Madoka’s job is sing sweetly by the window, never leaving, trapped within a never-ending beginning, with the door to adulthood firmly closed. Madoka is not really a human, a girl, a friend – she’s an idol, to be cherished and protected by any means necessary.

If witches are born of the selfish wishes of magical girls (such as Sayaka’s wish done in hope of having Kyousuke fall in love with her), and goddess born of pure and selfless wishes, then it’s no surprise that Homura’s selflessly selfish love would create the Devil herself.

#i never write long posts but i had a half-decent one from years ago i wanted to edit #not that this is a deep novel insight tho i just think homura's neat #pmmm #madoka magica #madoka meta #homura akemi #homura #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm rebellion

[kisscara]

leave me in the past, wanderer. (can i not love you forever?)

contains: scara x gn!reader, angst, tweaking with canon genshin for this 💀, irminsul mentions, you appear in his dream, reader and scara implied to have been in a relationship before his irminsul deletion, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH SNEAK???, nahida appearance !!!, "scara" in purple and wanderer in blue, changed dialog format again lol

notes: i listened to voca songs while making this. 39 music specifically (as of rn lol), so yeah i was happy but writing sadly, fellow anons rate this prompt (not my best work sadly..) - i wanna hear opinions and roasts., I GOT INSULTED (not really) BY MY FRIEND WHO LIKES BL SHIPS/SHIT LIKE KAZUSCARA ND ZHONGCHI OMG.

ever since scaramouche tampered with irminsul to rid teyvat of himself, he's been in some peace. he's been cleared of some of his burdens from his previous life and identity, yet he can't shake the feeling that something is missing from him.

as the wanderer, he can rest without thinking about if theres someone plotting his death... a very common occurrence when he was still the balladeer. without you, he may have been cut short of his "godly reign":, of a many samsaras.

he doesn't want to stay in the past. why would he? he could start over as wanderer and lead a much more blissful life than his last; but that doesn't mean he's complete yet, not without you.

wanderer... why are you thinking of me? you don't need me anymore.

"w-..what? who are you?"

[name]. i am name, your ???

"[name]... where have you been?"

you are wanderer now, my old master. tell me — are you still stuck in the past?

"no.. no i'm not. if anything, i'd refuse my past."

exactly. if that had been the case, why is it that you yearn my presence?

"what? i... i don't."

you're lying, wanderer...

...

"huh. so it was you, [name].."

"ah, wanderer! hello there. what have you been doing as of late?"

"e-ehem... can i ask of a favor, dendro archon?"

-

"mm... i'm afraid that isn't possible, wanderer. i can't bring back this [name] person because you want me to."

"oh..."

...

...wanderer. stop it. stop thinking of me.

"[name]?"

you... please. i beg you, stop it. you're hurting me too.

"me? what am i doing? can i help you with your pain, [name]? look, i know that i hadn't been the best when i'd last seen you... but let me help-"

don't you get it? leave me in the past, wanderer. all of this... they are distant thoughts. i, am a distant thought. you're a new person now, you... i cannot help and you can't. i'm gone.

"[name]. please... is this the last time I'll see you?"

of course not. theres maybe a million files and photos of me, this won't be the last time you see me — but the last time you talk to the real me.

"can... can i not love you forever...?"

oh? eternity wasn't something i thought you'd look for... but no. you can't love me. it simply isn't possible. if the person you loved was dead, how could you love them forever?

"i care for you, so let me love you (as i'm laying on your chest) until you leave."

...

you left. you left your ??? alone in teyvat; all by himself (ANYMOREEEEEEEEEOOOHHHHH), unable to go back. he is not a former shell of himself, much the opposite.

he has no heart; his creator didn't give him one (hey ei kinnies, shoutout to lume). the wanderer didn't get to say goodbye to anyone he'd lost.

he shut you out before being made into a god — one unworthy of your worship and love, undeserving of your life and presence.

rawr what do we thiiiink -still with you anon

my tears are certainly tasty if that's what you want to know

#📼 — 𝓜.𝐀𝐈𝐋. #✎﹏ 𝐬wy anon #myst emotional support era? #no #myst emotional era

[lesbianpepsi]

You don't have to respond or anything. I actually feel bad for writing this bcs i don't wanna burden anyone with this but if i don't say anything I'll lose it.

TW for R-word, PTSD, Depression, Self-harm and just really bad thoughts overall.

I'm honestly going insane. I don't even feel real anymore and it sounds corny and dumb but I truly don't. Nothing is helping, no therapy or any amount of pills are working for me. It's like, everytime I'm left to my own thoughts, I go crazy.

I hate it, I hate how I can't remember anything from 6-11 years old other than my cousin and his friend, the only childhood memories I have is my cousin and his friend r-wording me. They're 6 years older than me, I was just a kid. Barely 6, they were preteens. I don't understand why this happened to me and I'm so angry. I can barely sleep, 2 hours a night is amazing for me. But even in my sleep I have nightmares. They're awful, I wake up crying and covered in sweat. When I'm at school, one second I'll be fine and the next all I can feel is him and his friend. Its been years since I've last seen them but they're still there and they won't go away. I can still smell them, feel them, hear them. It's like it's happening all over again and I'm just so tired. I don't know what to do with myself. Everytime I think about having to live with this for the rest of my life, I feel an overwhelming sensation of just straight up agony. My chest hurts, my throat closes up and my eyes get watery. I'm tired of crying every night. I can't live in peace, these flashbacks I get are awful. It's like a flash of pictures in my head and my body reacts to it, like I'm a little kid with two grown men hurting me all over again. I tried fighting back of course, he just didn't feel pain. No matter how hard I kicked and punched and bit him. He wouldn't even flinch, it felt like God or whoever is supposedly up there, was on his side. It still feels like that. I can't even begin to understand why, if God is so powerful and real, why did he let that happen to me? It feels like it's my fault, God punished me for something I did and I just have to deal with it.

I hate how I'd let it happen all over again. Because at least it was just me, he threatened to hurt my sisters if I didn't let him and his friend. I didn't really have a choice, I couldn't let them go through that. So I'm grateful that he stuck to his word and my sisters are fine, I don't know what would happen to me or what'd I would do if they were hurt like i was and honestly still am. I'm sorry, I just feel so lost and faded. If that makes sense? I don't know what's happening to me and I'm scared of that. Thank you and have a goodnight, sorry for this shit I sent you but I wholeheartedly would snap if I stayed silent.

hey anon, it's alright i totally understand just wanting to say anything you've been thinking about.

i firstly wanna say im so sorry for everything's thats happened to you, nobody on earth deserves to go through that, im so sorry my love. and it was not your fault, the only person that's at fault is that scum, not you. you did nothing wrong, absolutely nothing.

i understand it's really hard and finding it so incredibly hard to find the point in trying to continue when you feel like you aren't getting better at all, but from my experience it does get better, it might take days, months or even years but eventually it does.

if you ever want to talk it vent anon feel free to send me a private message, i'm always here to help absolutely anyone, even if it's just to vent and get everything off of your chest.

i'm so sorry, my love, you're loved and i hope everything gets better for you❤️🫂

#i'm always here if you want to talk anon

[seidenbros]

Get to know me better!

Tag 10 people you wanna know better

Thank you for the tag: @astrangegirlsmind @tellhound love you guys!

Relationship Status: single

Favorite Color(s) : green, turquoise in all kinds of shades

Favorite Food: strawberries? There's a lot that I like

Song stuck in my head: "Rainbow in the Dark" by Dio

Last thing you googled: guitar chords (after I brought my two guitars finally home after not havong played for 15 years or so)

Time: 03:37 pm

Dream Trip: somwhere where it's warm, but not too hot, where I can relax at the beach or pool for a day, but go on a trip the next to see something, learn something new

Last thing you read: The Hobbit

Last book you enjoyed reading: Apart from the Hobbit, which I always enjoy, "Dust" by Patricia Cornwell. Her books really got me into reading more English books, since I picked up "Post Mortem" when I stayed in Australia 16 years ago (yes, I'm old). So, I'vw always loved the Kay Scarpetta Series.

Last book you hated reading: I honestly don't remembers, because all the last books I read either made me laugh or cry because they were so sad (or had sad aspects), but I enjoyed all of them. The last that comes to mind was at University, where I HAD to read certain books and I was just not interested in them (like The Hunger Games).

Favorite thing to cook/bake: I love making Korean Beef Stew, these swet and dsavory puff pastry twisters (Have to make them again soon), Pasta that apparently tastes like from my great grandmother. As for baking... lord, there's quite a lot that I enjoy making. The Solero cake is a family favourite now, cupcakes, anything really

Favorite craft to do in your free time: Painting? But mostly clouds or painting sth on fabric like bags.

Most niche dislike: not so much a dislike but something that always makes people look at me weird: Apples. Just because I'm highly allergic to them and CAN'T eat them

Opinion on circuses: I went to see one as a kid, but I'm not very fond of clowns, and the way most animals are treated is just too much

Do you have any sense of direction: Yes. That's why on vacation, I'm usually the one with the map

Tell us about your D&D character: I don't have one yet. Always wanted to play, never had the courage to get into a group of strangers, but I'll be learning it from a friend now with someone else who's never played before

Tag-list (but no pressure, please!): @hawkinshighdropout @ghosttownwherenoonegoes @mirclealignr @latenitewolves @amzngdevil @bambirex @a-hearts-a-heavy-burden @karolincki @dancingwiththefae @writingmysanity

#tag game #you don't need to do this #if you don't want to #so no pressure loves

[chocolattefeverdreams]

The urge to cut my parents out of my life is so strong rn but I also don't wanna do that bc my parents brought me to this world and raised me and gave me good food and shelter. And they make sure that I know that because they raised me I'll have to take care of them back once I get the money and I'd be a horrible kid if I didn't.

I have never felt more at peace with myself when my parents are out or I'm in a locked bathroom bc my room doesn't have any locks. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells whenever I'm around my parents. I want them to see I'm doing good on the surface, because the surface I put up in front of me is all they ever talk about. And grades are the surface I'm talking about. And so I try my hardest to get good grades and I have a fucking breakdown when the grades weren't what I expected, because this gives my parents more of an excuse to talk more about how I could improve more and threaten to take me out of my school. I hate making mistakes in front of them.

My mom tells me the future she envisions for me so whenever I get an average grade I feel like a failure in my life and to my parents. My mom keeps telling me how she never had fun in her highschool years bc she was busy studying and getting the top grades and how it would be good and I would be successful later if I could stop having a lot of fun as well, by leaving things I enjoy doing.

I hate getting reminded of how expensive my school and my extra classes are. I feel like a useless purchase/expense. I feel like quitting all my classes so that it helps with my parents savings. I want my sister to get out of my room. I want my father to stop scolding me for going upstairs when all I wanted was personal space, bc I don't feel comfortable doing anything I like around my family.

I wish my family took my feelings seriously and didn't call me sensitive when I was a child, so now I wouldn't have to lock up my feelings around them and tell them what they want to hear. If my family took my feelings seriously, maybe I wouldn't smile with my mouth closed the way I do now. Or maybe I would be able to speak my mother tongue fluently if my family didn't make fun of me when I was learning English.

The worst thing is I can't tell them this, or anything about me really, they would tell me that there are bigger problems in the world. And there are, and my friends all have problems of their own, and I don't want to burden them with my own, I'd rather help them solve their problems or just be there for them when they need it. I'd feel selfish and silly for talking about my problems. It feels really lonely but I feel better if I know I was able to help other people. All I really want to do with my life is just run from the expectations, or sleep forever, or pull my soul out from my body.

#rant #family #desi family #parents #feelings #it would be so nice to take a break from this #if i could time travel i'd meet my child self just to comfort her and tell her to be more confident and that its okay to make mistakes #my reason for working hard is just so i can earn fir myself and move out far from my family and relatives #desiblr

[llitchilitchi]

hi hello i need help again because i am ~indecisive~ but say you have a group of characters investigating some kind of tomb and one of them starts to feel off + hear some strange whispering that no one else is aware of is it more interesting if (some of) the others notice early on and watch as they start to deteriorate under some supernatural power or none of them notice until it has already progressed a fair amount?

thank uuu have a good weekend iluuuu

ohh both is tempting

people noticing adds to the foreshadowing of things turning really ugly at some point, plus there's the added soft moments of someone asking 'are you sure you're okay?' 'do you wanna go on?' 'we can go back if you're feeling unwell' and the character brushing it off because they don't want to disappoint their friends/don't wanna be a burden/they've already gone this far, surely they can make it the rest of the way

on the other hand, if it goes unnoticed they can doubt that it's even that serious. sure, their head hurts, their ears are ringing and they feel faint, but if it's not slowing anyone down it can't be that bad, right? or there can be the added doubt of 'if they didn't notice and didn't say anything, maybe they don't care about how I feel' or 'if they didn't notice that I'm doing bad, the cause is much more important than my wellbeing'

so really, it depends on the dynamics of the group and what kinda angst you wanna go for

#asks #cassioseia #I was gonna answer this privately but tumblr wont let me why

[mrstsung]

How come anymore they make raiden so weak? Are people really that against raiden being the overworked,underappreciated,older brother of earthrealm? Are people that against the fact raiden could do everything and anything to help people. And yet.....absolutely be given the short end?

Raiden isn't supposed to be this,no offense to NRS and mk fans. Weak as fucking all hell.

Even in mortal form he was supposed to be an expert fighter with the highest level of whoop ass. The only reason why he kicked more ass is because of his godhood. But his godhood...LIKE ALL THINGS PEOPLE. Has some form of self responsiblity and honor.

Not to mention he cares extremely deeply for mortal lives. That's what made him the protector of earthrealm in the first damn place. Because he related so much to them.

He wasn't like other gods. The only other one closest to that was his Younger brother fujin. Who in turn. Also became a protector.

They kinda take turns between each other to watch over earthrealm and also the kombatants/earthrealms warriors too.

Like good lord some people obviously don't pay attention. But it's ok. It's a game. We too busy throwing hands and having fun to pay attention to story.

But thats also a double edged sword because this unfortunately makes the storylines bland af

But hey that's what blogs like these are for. So you can fill in the gaps better and dust off the unwanted bull.

Again ugh. Sorry for all the raiden rant posts of late.

But i can't stand to see one of my faves get so much slander and horrible writing.

Like raiden was my boy. I had many other crushes n faves(sassy hatbae kung lao and of course our favorite local bih sorcerer). But rai? Oh he was special.

He was comfort character,the easiest for me to play with,i loooooved his character,he was better imho when he was sarcastic and gentle but when push came to shove. Dont fuck with the god of thunder! He was indeed the older,wiser,and more reserved of the storm bros. But he was just as loving,passionate for life,and gentle as his brother fujin. (It's just older sibling problems ya know?) Like Raiden is the dude i would honestly go to talk to when i felt i needed advice or a shoulder to cry on. I feel he understands human emotions on a deeper level than most wanna believe. But he doesn't let them control him. Instead he feels them. And then lets it be. (Zen that shit mofo) he sits with them,be's their friend instead of going against the currents,he flows with them. He's definitely a "let me sit with you and let you talk,i will listen" or "sit with me a while and ease your burdens for a bit" type guy. Like i feel like they went hella backwards with raiden so much.

What is it with people making the most human,fun,and compassionate gods so to speak. Nerfed and weakened to all hell?

Do people not believe in compassionate gods or characters in general? I blame the worlds state and suffering for this terrible influx of writing. Which is sad. Because this should make people write even more compassionate characters,to bring light to the irl problems we see every day. But hey,it is what it is brah.

But anywho. I need sleep. No need to get too deep. Lol.

(Don't worry the shang tsimping will be back I'm just trying to give some love to my boy raiden because i see too much hate on him and it hurts my heart.)

#admin talks #may or may not be controversial but i genuinely don't understand the hate characters get in mk #like bruh it's mortal kombat shit aint gonna be easy #never was #mortal kombat #self ship #self shipping #raiden #raiden mortal kombat #like he gave so much and y'all still act like jerks to him #we don't deserve this thunder god tbh #raiden is a sweetheart y'all just are cowards #i said what i said