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murasakina-plays · 2 years

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So the BSD crossover is delayed, what do we do now? I doubt the devs will tells any new info on dates nor what was their issues. There was a lot of people speculating it might be Yosano being the problem but that isn’t a full confirmation as when she got leaked by the devs in doc’s role reveal no one complained in China. Another rumor I heard before the delay was announced was that Dazai’s price package was ridiculous and everyone was complaining about it yet devs didn’t care either so what’s really happening anyway? Like the Junji Ito one for what I remember it wasn’t that horribly delayed and the devs acted before releasing Part 2 or am I mistaken? I just know it wasn’t that long for a single skin since I remember seeing both Picture Woman and Tomie coming together already.

If any IDV player or BSD fan sees this please let’s start a discussion on this as a way to pass time for the crossover! Whether about the series or the game BSD is trying to collab with can be both interesting to discuss. Besides I’m a little bored…

Just nothing like false information as the ppl who said the Yosano situation was confirmed isn’t really 100% confirmed yet as the devs would announce this to the whole community as to why it was delayed, not to a single server or region.

I really hope with the time they take, they should reconsider on some things on the crossover other than Yosano, like their Dazai package being too expensive for other regions who had the price go higher due to apple’s policies and I believe the discount they added for the pack is too expensive still in my opinion. In my country, the package is literally 60+ dollars and the skin itself is 58 so it’s not much of a change…

The rng for the essences is also bad and I say this by own experience on crossover essences, they said you won’t get repeats after getting one said A skin for the first time but I got double Chiakis and Nagitos but never got Mikan on the second DR essence. It’s a god damn scam, the same happened when I got L, before him I got Light twice in the same essence. For P5, I guess it’s fair to unfair because I got 3 makotos and 2 Harus before getting Futaba but I never got Akechi which I really wanted. They should make crossovers more player friendly for both new players and veterans :/

Would be cool if they made Dazai frags too like the Junji Ito skins and Edward Scissorhands, just keep the pack echoes only for the whales or people who can’t save frags, they would still receive a ton of money from their essences anyways, mainly crossover ones where people have to spend 500 dollars or more for 1 S skin and if the player wants, upgrade the Atsushi accessory into S rarity with Echoes which it’s the only way to get it S tier anyway, it’s 760 echoes which is around 10-25 dollars which in my opinion it’s still dumb how a small acc costs to upgrade. And don’t give me excuses about they also need to earn money and the author too but the BSD author has a game itself that is big on Japan and is winning tons specially with S4 out there plus IDV already earns tons with other crossovers and in the past 3 years, releasing echo only skins which costs real money and worst part is limited to certain period while some are unknown of its return. Some people I have seen struggled to get 1 S skin for 2000 or so because they know the player is a whale based on previous purchases or their YouTube status, I’m just amazed how no one decides to fight against this whole scam as for me a echo pack of 29.99 with taxes is only with 20 pulls while other games with the same pricing would give you better pulls around 40-80 pulls specially with first purchase bonuses resets, idv never had bonus reset because they will always give the bonus but you will barely get 20 pulls and even less an A skin in shop if you aren’t a NGP member.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one complaining about these things with reason. Then people throw hate at me for trying to help this game get better, no wonder this game is aimed to kids at some things. Because it’s very tame compared with a mature audience who fight against this abuse. But then again adults I meet in this game are just as childish for even having an opinion or point out a truth about the game that’s in their face. This is why I often get so off mood when I log into the game that I used to enjoy back in 2018.

#identity v #youtube #idv #gaming #youtuber #bungou gay dogs #bsd #crossover

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readingcutie · 3 years

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Amber discovering her orientation thanks to porn? What a loser because I sure as hell didn’t need any lesbian rated m fan fiction on fanfiction.com where I just oh so happened to think it was neat nope always knew I was bi.

#romance club #love from outer space #I actually do like that scene though #and I do hope the devs don’t get hate for it since nothing bad really happened during the scene #like I have read a lot worse when I was younger to Amber #I do hope there will be no bi erasure

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asleepinawell · 3 years

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Been having a lot of Thoughts about the nier series recently and the larger themes of both games and wanted to jot them down and toss them into the void of the internet.

Massive spoilers for nier automata follow, including for ending e. Do not read this if you ever intend to play nier automata. There are spoilers for nier replicant as well, though not for ending e.

One of the biggest themes both nier games tackle is the tragedy of an uncaring universe. Bad things happen to good people, people who think they're good and doing the right thing find out they were actually committing atrocities, the very idea that there's 'good' and 'bad' people is dissected and rejected. At the end of the day, the universe doesn't give a shit about any of us and none of it matters. Enjoy your existential despair!

In nier replicant, the main character starts off as an optimistic young boy who wants to save, not only his sister, but the entire world. After the time skip, nier is a young man whose optimism has (partially) been tarnished and whose goal has narrowed down to just saving his sister. As you move through each route you understand more and more how tragic the world is and how, despite your best intentions, you are only adding to the tragedy of the world. The original 4 endings of nier replicant are all tragic in some way. Ending D has a glimmer of hope in it in the form of nier being able to save kainé at the cost of his own existence, but it's a bittersweet ending and the world is ultimately doomed anyway.

Which brings us to nier automata. Even more so than replicant, automata hammers home the meaningless of everything, the uncaring universe, tragedy both avoidable and unavoidable. The main characters are locked in an endless loop of violence and despair. The worst that could happen, does, again and again. It thrives off the type of tragedy porn I usually hate.

Except....

Except it doesn't. If endings a and b are the opening statement, endings c and d are the facts and body of the essay, but then there's ending e, the concluding paragraph which takes everything we've been told and gives you the chance to draw your own conclusion from it.

Route e starts after you've gotten both ending c and d and is no longer about the characters in the game at all. Route e is about you, the player, and what you believe. It says "we've given you a story of complete despair, we've shown you the universe is unfair and doesn't give a fuck about you, we've shown you things that end in tragedy. despite all of this, do you still believe it's worth fighting for the hope of something better?"

And then it asks you to prove it.

Route e is the ending every fan has asked for when they've said "I'll fight the creators to give my favs a happy ending." Today is your lucky day!

Route e is the ending credits of the game, except that the ending credits have turned into a bullet hell mini game. In fighting the actual credits themselves, you are fighting the game devs. You are saying fuck you I don't believe that everything is pointless. Fighting for better is always worth it. The meaning that we imbue in life is important to us and that matters.

The bullet hell of the end credits starts out fairly simple and gets harder and harder as you go, lasting something like 15 minutes total, which is a brutally long time to be playing something that requires split second timing and 100% of your focus. It's meant to feel insurmountable, just like the challenges the characters in the game faced (the larger plot challenges, not the combat). You will likely die a lot and check points are few and far between.

But there's more to it than that. The first time you die, a prompt comes up:

And then when you die again:

Except now, there’s a message on the screen. A message that appears to be from another player, somewhere in the world.

And again:

(this one really fucked me up, but that’s for a different post).

And then finally:

(thank you user MR-YE-1996)

When you accept the rescue offer, you go back to the bullet hell again, but now you have a wall of other players around your weak little avatar, shielding you from harm. The music, which has been a single vocal track up until now, gains an entire chorus of voices to represent the army of actual players who’ve shown up to save you (and there’s a lot I could say about the use of the (exquisitely good) music in the nier games, and especially about the difference in lyrical themes between ashes of dreams and weight of the world). Every time a bullet hits one of the players surrounding you, there’s a message saying that user’s data has been lost. Users from all over the world are sacrificing themselves to help you. It’s a very nice, heart-warming moment that you still don’t understand the full impact of quite yet.

After you beat the credits, you’re rewarded by a final cutscene. The android protagonists have been reconstructed and will receive a second chance at life. The narration at this point talks about how life exists within the spiral of life and death we are all trapped in. One of the two pods talking points out that even though the androids are being given a second chance at life, there’s a possibility that things will go just as poorly once again. And the other pod agrees, but adds: “However, the possibility of a different future also exists.”

And then the scene ends with this quote: “A future is not given to you. It is something you must take for yourself.”

And this is really the final conclusion of the game. There is no inherent meaning in the universe, so the meaning we give our lives is the most meaningful thing. (And the ‘you’ here isn’t necessarily an individual either. It can be, or it can be humanity as a whole, or even one group). And you, the player, thought that it was worth fighting to give these characters a second chance, and other players out there in the world thought it was worth helping you to do so.

It’s such a wonderfully beautiful piece of meta interpretation posing as a game ending, and also a departure from the final conclusion of previous Yoko Taro games. It feels like a much more mature and nuanced interpretation of the world than the ending of replicant was (I won’t comment on the new ending e of replicant just yet since it didn’t come out that long ago). (Also, for the record, I love nier replicant and the characters in it with my entire heart. This post is not bashing it).

But the game has one more surprise in store for you. After the cutscene ends, you’re given one last choice. The game asks if you have any interest in helping other players the way you were helped. And if you say yes, you’re told that the only way you can do this is to sacrifice all your save data.

I think that sacrifice hits differently for different people. Some people genuinely won’t mind that at all. As someone who probably still has save data from games I played 20 years ago, it felt like a gut punch. To me, save data represents all the time and emotion and energy I’ve put into a game. Games are so deeply important to me in so many ways and have been since my childhood when they were one of the few ways I could escape from a lot of terrible shit going on in my life. (There’s a reason my blog title is what it is). I could talk a lot more about that point, but I’ll leave it by saying that when I saw what the game was asking of me it felt like someone had knocked my legs out from under me.

For more practical players, it also is locking you out of chapter select, the best way to go back and get all the things you missed and grab the achievements/trophies you still need.

The game will point out that you’ll get nothing in return for this (not a lie, there’s no secret reward), that you will likely never know if or who you helped, that you won’t be thanked, that the person you help could be someone you intensely dislike, etc. And with all of this comes the realization that all those people who came to help you in the credits had already done this. Those people whose data was sacrificed to help you get to the final cutscene had already sacrificed their save data to help you.

We’ve now gone from a world where everything is meaningless, to a world where other real actual human beings out there have sacrificed something that represented hours of their time and a varying amount of emotional investment without any hope of reward to help a stranger see a message of hope.

When I was younger, I was more drawn to dark, hopeless stories. Stories about how dark and meaningless the world was. The world was a terrible place then too. 9/11 happened when I was in highschool (an incident that influenced yoko taro’s creation of nier replicant and had a huge impact on me at the time), the pointless wars that happened after and the recession and a million other things seemed to infuse everything with hopelessness. In that world, stories about everything being meaningless and hopeless felt correct. They felt validating. Yes, everything really does suck that much!

That sort of story lost its appeal for me later on. Pointless and horrible things continued to happen, and still continue to happen. The world events of the last few years have been an unnerving reliving of those earlier years, except even worse. The cycles of tragedy are still there with no end in sight. I’m exhausted from all of it. It really does feel hopeless a lot.

But stories that stop at that point no longer appeal to me. Stories like nier automata--stories that say yes, things are terrible, but there’s always hope, you can create your own meaning, it is always worth it to fight for better even if you fail, your life is worthwhile simply for existing--those stories are the ones I think we all need more than anything.

#nier automata #nier automata spoilers #nier spoilers #nier #nier replicant #niermp #mp #sitting around having existential thoughts on a sunday afternoon #as one does #nier meta

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horansqueen · 3 years

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Stuck With You - Chapter 29

Chapter 29: Break My Heart

🡪chapter 1 🡪chapter 2 🡪chapter 3 🡪chapter 4 🡪chapter 5 🡪chapter 6 🡪chapter 7 🡪chapter 8 🡪chapter 9 🡪chapter 10 🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24 🡪chapter 25 🡪chapter 26 🡪chapter 27 🡪chapter 28

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

You say my name like I have never heard before I'm indecisive but this time I know for sure I hope I'm not the only one that feels it all Are you fallin'?

Center of attention You know you can get whatever you want from me Whenever you want it, baby It's you in my reflection Now I'm afraid of all the things it could do to me If I would've known it, baby

I would've stayed at home 'Cause I was doin' better alone But when you said, "Hello" I know that was the end of it all I should've stayed at home 'Cause now there ain't no letting you go Am I falling in love With the one that could break my heart?

I wonder when you go, if I stay on your mind Two can play that game, but you win me every time Everyone before you was a waste of time Yeah, you got me

click here to be on the update list

NIALL

I let my finger slide on the strings of my guitar but my eyes were on Devon and my head was thinking about her, too. She was laying down on the couch, her legs on my thighs, reading a book, and the way her eyes moved into a frown or opened more into slight surprise was mesmerizing me. We hadn't really talked in a few hours but it didn't matter, I still felt completely at ease with her. We were sort of used to it since it happened a lot when we were in our room at college, but here, in my apartment, it felt even better.

We had taken a walk earlier, got caught by snow and grabbed food on our way back. We ate together with a glass of wine in the kitchen and when we got up to relax in the living room, I realized that It was my favorite day in a very long time. It had started amazingly but I had to admit the sweet moments with her were hard to beat. I knew we'd have problems if we stayed a few more days away from everyone, especially with our classes and school projects, but I wanted it so bad it made my heart twist in my chest when I thought about it.

Would we go back to be only friends? Would her stupid ex still be around? Would he message her again? Would she push me away the way I pushed her away when we met? I liked to believe that everything would be exactly like it was now but I couldn't be sure. It felt different here, like we were in a parallel universe, or alone on an island. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to stay here with her, and I was ready to put everything else on hold and risk my school year to make sure things wouldn't change between Devon and I. That thought was scary and I closed my eyes, trying reason myself. I couldn't fall again so hard for someone. I became dumb and blind when it happened and I knew it wouldn't end well.

I got out of my thoughts when Devon's phone beeped and she groped around to find it, her eyes never leaving her book. I checked the title and my lips curled slightly on the left when I realized it was a book about famous painters and their history. Why wasn't I surprised? It made me wonder what the painting she had started in the guest room looked like but I would never invade her intimacy by looking at an unfinished piece of art without asking her.

"Oh, god." Devon let out, checking her phone and chuckling nervously. "Our friends are so stupid."

Immediately, I knew she was talking about Louis and Lewis and I raised my eyebrows.

"What do they want?"

"See for yourself." she just replied, handing me her phone.

I frowned and grabbed it, noticing they had left comments under the pictures of me that Devon had posted earlier in the day. The first few were comments about the fact that I was almost naked and I rolled my eyes with a smile, but when my eyes found one specific comment from Lewis, I raised my eyebrows and chuckled.

'I dare you two to fuck!'

I re-read it a few times before checking Louis' answer that simply said. 'I bet they already have!'

I groaned and glanced up at Devon who was looking at me with an amused smile. Finally, I continued reading their interaction with my nose raised up.

'Do you know how long it took them to be friends? They definitely haven't fucked yet.'

I couldn't pretend he was not right but it was slightly annoying to see your friends discuss of your love and sex life on a public social media under pictures of you in boxers.

'Lewis, touché. Niall & Dev, I double dare you'

I waited a few more seconds and just held out her phone to Devon, making her chuckle. She took it back and put it away before moving her upper body slightly up, her book placed on her stomach but still open to keep her page. My eyes roamed on her and a bunch of nasty thoughts appeared in my mind.

"It almost makes me want not to fuck so we don't give them what they want." I admitted, raising my eyebrows.

"Almost?"

"Almost."

This time, my lips curled as she laughed and I did the same. My smile fell slowly as I looked at her, turning into a fond look. They were right about something, it really had taken us a while to become friends, and It made me wonder how many moments we had lost while I tried to hate her. I normally could contain myself quite well but when it came to Devon, it had been difficult for me since day one. I had kissed her randomly and maybe a bit roughly a few times because it was stronger than me, because I didn't hate her and I knew I never would. And she had answered my kisses every time, giving me back all the feelings I tried to communicate her, probably even more.

"Devie..." I whispered, licking my lips nervously as her eyebrows raised. "You remember when we got locked in the library for the night? You grabbed my notebook and It was not our school project so I just.. took it back?" she nodded slowly with a frown and I cleared my throat, twisting the fabric of my sweatpants as my other hand grabbed my guitar tighter. "I was writing a song. I was writing a song about you."

Her lips parted and she remained motionless for a while, just staring at me as my heart thumped so hard in my chest I felt like it was going to explode or escape. I waited for an answer or a move, any reaction coming from her would be fine, but nothing happened and I breathed in, taking my guitar better as I started playing.

"Like the rain on a sunny day There's a shadow behind your face Tell me what you're running from I don't know what made you so afraid Don't you know you got the best of me? Yeah, you're everything I want

Anyone can see Anyone can see You're hiding, hiding You can talk to me It's more than skin deep But I'm trying, yeah

Since we're alone Yeah, you can show me your heart If you put it all in my hand No, I swear No, I won't break it apart Since we're alone Show me all that you are And if you get lost in the light It's okay I can see in the dark

All your thoughts running through your head The things you think better left unsaid Just wanna know where you came from Why would you wanna play someone else I love you best when you're just yourself Yeah, you're everything I want

Anyone can see Anyone can see You're hiding, hiding You can talk to me It's more than skin deep But I'm trying, yeah

Since we're alone Yeah, you can show me your heart If you put it all in my hand No, I swear No, I won't break it apart Yeah, since we're alone Show me all that you are And if you get lost in the light It's okay I can see in the dark"

When I was done, my eyes met hers again and her head was tilted. She was tearing up and I didn't know why but the fact that she seemed touched made me feel better. She moved her upper body up slowly, holding herself with her elbows and her book slipped from her stomach to the ground but she didn't give it a second glance. She simply reached for the front of my shirt, grabbing it in a fist and pulling me with her slowly. I held my breath and my lips parted. I couldn't take my eyes off of her and she brought me on top of her. My guitar fell on the carpet in a thud, joining her book, as I lied down on top of her. My lips met hers and immediately, she whimpered in my mouth, grinding her hips up against me. Her hand slid on my back and she moved my shirt over my head. I helped her by moving slightly up and as I was throwing it away, she reached for the bottom of hers and took it off too. It got caught in her hair and I pulled on it gently, letting it fall on the floor. My eyes ran on her and I noticed she held her breath but I was not sure why. She reached the sides of her pants and squirmed beneath me to take them off, pushing them down to her legs before one of her hands reached behind my head and pulled me closer. Our lips touched again and I groaned low as her hand gripped my hair.

I could barely believe she was finally completely naked around me and that simple thought excited me more than I thought it would. I felt her reach between us, grabbing my cock over my pants and without thinking, I pushed my hips against her hand, impatient to be inside her. I could pretend I didn't know if that's what she wanted but by the way she was kissing me and touching me, I was sure about it. I brought one of my hands to push my pants down and this time, she's the one who helped me. I struggled to take them off completely and when I grabbed them to throw them on the floor, I did the same with hers. It got stuck under my knee and I squirmed more as she giggled a bit and I smiled too when I was done, moving back over her and looked in her eyes.

"I really want you." I whispered, making her smile disappear.

"Me too, Niall." she replied just as low before pressing her lips together. "That time in the elevator... I thought we were going to do it right there on the floor."

Her confession made me raise my eyebrows and I chuckled in surprise. "You would... you would have wanted to?"

"Mmhm, yes. I wanted it just as bad as I want it now."

As if to prove it, she moved her knees up around me and I felt the tip of my cock slip inside her. Her eyes rolled back and she closed them as her back arched a bit. I remained motionless but I could feel her throb around my tip, proving me how horny she was. It turned me on even more and I moved closer, running my tongue on her jaw before reaching her neck. I started sucking on her skin as I pushed myself slowly inside her and her grip tightened in my hair.

"Fuck, stop for a second or I'm gonna cum." she whispered, gripping my hair so tight it could have hurt if my cock was not buried deep inside her.

I started nibbling on her neck, feeling slightly dizzy from her confession but from the way her body reacted, I knew she was not lying.

"You feel so fucking good." I admitted low, moving my head up slightly to suck on her ear. "Love the way you clench around me."

She whimpered and I let my mouth travel until hers before kissing her gently but deeply. Her grip in my hair loosened and I started moving in and out of her so slowly it was barely bearable. It only took half a minute for her to start shaking under me. Her back arched and she closed her eyes tight, making me reach between us to rub her clit through her orgasm.

"Fuck, Niall, oh my god." she whispered as I watched her cum.

The sight was amazing and when she finally stopped shaking, she relaxed beneath me and I kissed her again. "Was good?"

"I'm so sorry." she apologized in a breath. "I couldn't stop it."

"Why would you want to stop it?" I asked as I started moving again, my lips still pressed on hers. "I want to make you cum as many times as I can."

I had no idea how long I would last for our first time but I still planned on making her cum a second time and when I started going faster and a bit harder, she started squirming.

"Fuck you're so wet." I admitted low, feeling her juice all over her inner thighs. "This is driving me fucking insane. Your pretty little cunt is so fucking perfect, did I tell you that before?"

Her lips parted but I frowned when she moved slightly, trying to reach for something on the coffee table. My heart skipped a beat when I realized it was her camera and she brought it up to snap a picture. I had no idea what it would look like but I liked it.

I couldn't help it and started fucking her harder, feeling my chest rub against hers as I held myself with my arms on each sides of her head. I slipped my fingers in her hair as I thrusted myself deeper and harder inside her.

I never thought our first time would be like that. In fact, I imagined it a lot rougher and dirtier, but it was perfect like that and somehow, I hoped that she understood all the feelings I had for her.

I heard the camera again and for some reason, I felt like she was simply taking pictures of whatever she could reach with her arm up. She seemed focused on what we were doing but I appreciated the effort and I kissed her lips as I heard the camera again.

"Mm, yea? You like my pussy? It's all yours." she let out near my ear. "Please make me cum again."

Her words brought a rush to my brain and I moved myself up on my hands, pushing my hips against hers to go balls deep. My eyes followed her hand as it ran on one of her breasts and then the other before it reached her clit. She started rubbing it and the sight brought me close to an orgasm. I tried to hold it until she started cumming again and when she did, she moaned louder than the first time, wiggling in front of my eyes and her pussy clenching even more around my cock.

"Fuck, Devie.."

My fingers curled against the fabric of the couch and I pushed myself deep in her as I came. It didn't seem to stop and when I pulled out, I realized I was still cumming. It gushed a bit on her pussy and she brought her hand to my cock, stroking it and making my orgasm even stronger. Once again, I heard the camera but didn't think much of it.

"Jesus.. fuck." I whispered, shutting my eyes tight and finally letting myself fall back down.

We panted for about a minute and I finally moved to lay down next to her but on my side, facing her. I brought her closer and my lips found hers, kissing her deeply and slowly. She tasted amazing and I groaned low in her mouth. She finally pulled away and my eyes fluttered open only to see a soft smile on her lips.

"Is that how you get girls in your bed?" she asked with a giggle, letting her eyes roam on my face and making me smile.

I buried my face in her neck and left small kisses on her skin. "Let's say it's the first time it ends up like this." I admitted with a chuckle, pulling her body flush against mine.

"Mm, and definitely not the last time."

I pulled away enough to be able to look in her eyes as one of my hands ran slowly on her back, along her spine. "So when I sing you an other song I wrote for you, we'll have sex again?" A small smile appeared on her lips and an amused one on mine. "Does that mean I have to write a new song every time I want to get my dick wet?"

She laughed and pushed my arm gently, making me laugh too. "Shut up!"

"Okay!" I just replied, moving closer and kissing her again.

Her arm wrapped around my waist again and I felt her body press against mine. I loved everything about this, even the fact that we were laying down on my couch and not in bed. Her hair was a mess and I could only imagine mine was pretty much the same. We were sweaty and exhausted but we still took the time to kiss each other slowly and deeply, as if we both didn't want this moment to end. In fact, I wanted this moment to start over every fucking day from now on. The more we spent time together, the more I wanted her to stay, and the more I realized my real feelings for her. Most of the time, I tried to push that thought back so I didn't have to deal with it, but right now, it was not an easy task. I knew she didn't want a relationship, but would telling her the three little words make her run away?

"Does that mean you're gonna write more songs about me?" she asked in a murmur when we stopped kissing.

Her eyes were still shut and her lips still so close I could feel them brush on mine. "Devie, I already wrote a few more songs about you." I admitted in a whisper, moving my head up and down extremely slowly to let our lips brush together again. "And I'll write many many more."

She swallowed hard and her eyes roamed on me. For some weird reason, it seemed like she felt guilty and she breathed in, licking her lips. "I spied on you." she confessed quickly, making me frown. "A few days after we met, I heard you play the piano and I just... I watched you while you wrote a song." My traits softened and she pressed her lips together. "The first time I heard you sing... fuck, Niall. You... you have no idea of all the feelings it brought inside me. Your voice just does something to me. That's... that's why I teared up earlier when you sang to me. Your voice just does that to me. You. You do that to me."

I moved my face closer and brushed my nose very slowly against hers.

"Your art does the same to me. Devie, your art moves me in a way nothing else moves me, except... except you." I admitted in a whisper. "The day I told you that you had paint on your face... I walked to your painting class and searched for the painting with that shade of blue. Nothing else brought so many feelings in me. It made me compose a song in half an hour."

"My... art moves you?" she repeated, raising her eyebrows. "I move you?"

"Yes, you do." I confirmed, staring in her eyes to be sure she understood I was seriously. "All of you." I paused and shook my head. "Devie, I-"

She cut me by crushing her mouth against mine but I was not sure if it was to stop me from confessing my love or simply because of an intense need inside of her. I chuckled against her mouth as her hand slipped to my butt before moving up on my back.

"You're gonna have to show me those pictures."

"I will." she promised as I kissed her lips again. "Tomorrow."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan au #niall horan college au #niall horan enemies to lovers #niall horan uni au #my fanfics #swy

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alyazirr · 3 years

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So let me talk about the Dame Event story for a hot minute here

Another long one sorry,

In my last text wall rant that I was sleep deprived as hell writing I went over the events pretty much as a whole as well as just explaining that the event dissapointed me, now I’ve had some time to digest the story as a whole and really think on it I’d like to dive into the story and what really got under my skin.

Let me just preface this by saying clearly that we as the fandom were absolutely baited with this event, many players are members of the LGBT+ community and I myself identify as bi. This entire event and how it was handled in my opinion was not done well and has left many feeling like they used the premise as a quick cash grab from that part of the fandom – I absolutely believe this to be the case.

Now the story, the first issue I had was the reason the boys had to dress up as ‘dames�� to begin with. The idea that this queen we have never met have no reason to care about and wasn’t even given 3 lines of characterisation just shows up and demands that everyone dress like ladies because ‘down with all demon men’ is incredibly concerning to me. Diavolo the prince seemingly got out of her requests, he is after all royalty himself but I think a lot of the time we forget just how high ranking in society the brothers are. This ‘I hate all men’ attitude is incredibly childish and a toxic mindset that has literally set the feminist movement back for years. It’s equally concerning that I’ve seen fans take this ‘queen’ and raise her up as this absolute bad bitch who is awesome and death to all men when she is in fact just a bitch in my eyes.

The reason why they need to dress up aside Lucifer’s handling that they all have to ‘act like dames’ had me flashing back to visions of ‘ladies finishing schools’ and a stepford wife type situation. The way their personalities had to be obliterated in the process to fit Lucifer’s notion of ‘the perfect lady like behaviour’ is incredibly demeaning to me. As a fashion major I’ve read and researched my fair amount on the psychology of clothing and how it can both confine or embolden us. I hoped that the dames event would be handled better, Asmo is obviously our number one candidate to cross-dress and throw ‘gendered’ clothing out the window and I love him for it but I have to agree with Mammon’s wording that he ‘doesn’t mind dressing up but doesn’t like the performance with it’. The ‘perfect personality’ that had them all walking the same, eating the same and using the same etiquette stripped them of any individuality and just had me thinking back on how women were ‘expected’ to act in society and still are to a degree and it was pretty uncomfortable and I’m not surprised that by the end of it even Asmo who loves any excuse to steal the show and dress up was exhausted by all the ‘etiquette’ he was forced through by Lucifer to seemingly appease some queen.

There was no need for the etiquette, Satan is arguably one of the most refined brothers having many friends in high places, artists, directors and so on. He’s well connected and established and he clearly knows how to handle himself with dignity, asking him to abide by all these rules was overkill when he could’ve put on a dress and acted completely acceptably all by himself. Not that there were even many interactions with the brothers to begin with. Typically there is always a brief moment of affection with each brother but this event was just ‘Beel can’t walk in high heels, neither can Satan pick one to cheer on and screw the other one’. I hate how any interaction was boiled down to ‘praise’ or ‘you aren’t trying hard enough to act like this dignified lady’.

Clothing is an extension of our personalities it is part of who we are and how we are perceived. It is COMPLETELY valid for people to wear whatever they want, for women to dress more ‘masculine’ and men to dress more ‘feminine’ but there is nothing wrong with men dressing like the ‘societal men’ and women dressing as the ‘societal women’ if that is what empowers them and has them most at ease. Satan was clearly not comfortable in heels and Beel really struggled, clothing should be enjoyable not a trial to get past with pain and brute force. It is also incredibly important to point out that it is canon that Levi and Asmo do cross dress and therefore enjoy it it’s not like these boys aren’t down for it but it should be THEIR CHOICE and what makes THEM COMFORTABLE. Not the same old ‘Diavolo said so and god help you if you don’t’.

Honestly the whole putting them in dresses came across with a strong element of fetishization which I didn’t like, the mc only able to babble on about how beautiful they looked, stare or say the ‘wanted to see the boys as dames more’. In concept this event could have been EVERYTHING and in the end it was a let down that borders on uncomfortable. I don’t appreciate the undertone that if they want to wear a pretty dress then they HAVE to act like a dignified lady. As I touched on the choice should have been theirs, it should’ve been an empowering situation and not a constricting one. Lucifer actually had me holding my head in my hands in anger with how he was acting in this event and you don’t even end up with the very typical ‘romantic event ending’ with him. You just tell him he looks great and he totally brushes you off. Not even mentioning the fact that as soon as they arrive at the demon castle the ‘bomber’ has been stopped and the queen is suddenly ok with everyone just being themselves because ‘haha I don’t hate you demon men you can dress like men from next year 😊’. So as Levi said literally what was the point in all that work when they just defaulted to acting like themselves anyway. It would’ve been completely understandable if Lucifer had lectured them on behaving at the event, Mammon not trying to steal something, Beel not eating everything etc but wasn’t.

All I wanted was 2 crumbs of attention from Solomon in this event and despite the SSR card he basically may as well not even be there. Not to mention I was super excited to see what Mammon and Satan looked like but I guess I’ll have to draw that out myself. What was the point solmare, seriously what was the point.

I guess we confirmed that Mammon is literally the only one we can trust since he runs to your aid screw the queen which was the only moment I really enjoyed.

Basically this event has me feeling several kinds of fucked up and it’s clear to me that the devs are just pushing out events to sell cards and grab cash off the audience. I love this game I really do, I’ve played more otomes than I care to admit and this is honestly one of the best I’ve come across main story wise but if they keep pumping out there half assed events to grab cash off players then I’m sorry but it’s gonna turn the majority of players off. People will be willing to spend that £10 on your in game currency to support you when you put out a quality product you worked hard on, I’ve been playing this for a year now and I still love the boys and the half main story line I’ve got through. I’m sure I’m not alone in saying I would far rather wait much longer on events and enjoy a good fleshed out well written event instead of these lazy cash grabs that honestly have ended up really missing the mark and with the angel and now this event really rubbing me the wrong way.

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me event #obey me luficer #obey me mammon #obey me asmodeus #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #rant #long post #this will be my last rant on this sorry I just have so many feelings about this

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angelsfalling16 · 3 years

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okay okay i can’t think of anything specific but like hurt comfort for deniall? i can never get enough of that ship and i really like the idea of that trope for them!! like something where devs upset about all the attention baz has ever gotten and how he feels like such a background character in life and nialls like ohhoho how would you feel if i told you i’ve been in l or with you since we were like 10. idk just spit balling anything you want to do tbh i love all ur work so!!!

a/n: As soon as I saw this ask, the ideas started turning in my mind, and I really liked the idea that you had, so I ran with it. I love writing deniall fics because it allows me to write different types of stories, which is really interesting. Thanks so much for Sending me this prompt, Nonnie!! I hope you like it! :) The title is from the song Story of Us by Taylor Swift

Read it on ao3

***

Niall

Dev is having a meltdown. Like a full on lying on the floor with moody music blasting through the speakers meltdown. This isn’t the first time he’s acted like this, and the fact that he didn’t come find me to tell me what’s wrong means it can’t be too bad, so I decide to ignore him for the moment until he’s ready to talk.

He reminds me so much of Baz in the way of his dramatics at this moment, but if this were Baz, I would be backing way off for fear of being burnt to a crisp for the sole reason of being in the same room as him. Dev on the other hand is all bark and no bite. It's kind of adorable.

I move around the room, pulling books from my school bag and tidying the room a bit, pretending not to notice the boy lying in the middle of the floor or the fact that I think my ears might be bleeding from the volume of this music.

I’m walking over to pick up a stray shirt on the floor when Dev grabs my ankle, nearly causing me to fall flat on my face.

I sigh. "Alright. What gives, Dev?"

"Did you know that Baz is older than me?" He mumbles into the carpet, and I briefly wonder when the last time was that we thought to vacuum in here.

"What?" I ask, wondering what this has to do with him lying on the floor.

"Yeah. By three months. For three months, I was the only grandchild, the only nephew. I was beloved by everyone. Then Baz came into the world and all of that went away."

"Uhh..." I say, still not seeing the point. "There's no way you even remember those three months."

"No but it’s still true."

"Okay?" I say slowly. Where the hell is he going with this?

He rolls over on his back but dramatically throws an arm over his face so that I can’t really make out his expression. I’m not sure whether he’s being serious or just really melodramatic, but realizing we're going to be here a while, I plop down on the floor next to him, using my magic to turn the music off, sending us into a silence that sounds almost as deafening as the music was.

"Do you ever feel like you're a background character in someone else's story?” Dev asks finally. “Like nothing you ever do will be important enough to be the main character?”

I think about it for a moment. "Not really. Why?"

"It's like my whole life I've been living in the shadows, a few steps behind Baz. No matter what I did or how deeply I was hurting, it could never compare to whatever was going on with Baz. It began to feel like a competition, one that I never had a chance of winning."

"Life isn't supposed to be a competition. The way you feel or hurt is valid even if someone else has it worse. It’s your life and your experiences and that is what's important."

"I know but it’s still hard not to feel like a background character."

He really sounds distraught over this, and I wonder how long he’s been holding all of this in. I want to reach out and take his hand in mine but decide that that would be stupid and keep my hands to myself.

"You know what I think?” I say. “I think everyone is the writer of their own story. They get to make their own choices and decide how much they allow themselves to be affected by others. They can’t change other people's stories, but they can be a part of them. So yeah, it’s possible you're a background character in Baz's story, but what about in your story?"

He slides his arm down to rest on his chest so that he can stare at me. "When did you get to be so wise, Niall?"

I shrug self-consciously, hoping he doesn’t notice the blush creeping up onto my face. He looks away to stare up at the ceiling, like all of the answers will be up there.

"Okay. So say that that’s true and you can write your own story, what could I do to make it my own?"

I hum noncommittally, thinking about it. I know what I would do if it were me. I would tell my best friend I'm in love with him and have been since we were like 11 and first thrown into this tiny room together.

I can’t say that though because it would ruin everything. Maybe I will in a few months when we leave Watford for good and go our separate ways.

He's looking at me expectantly now, so I try to come up with an acceptable answer.

"If I were trying to make my story my own, I think I would try to figure out what's holding me back and find a way to change it. I would find a way to take charge of it and not wait around for things to happen to me."

He tilts his head thoughtfully at me and a strand of hair falls down in front of his eye. My fingers itch to reach out and brush it away but I ball my hand into a fist to keep myself from doing something stupid.

"So, what's holding you back then Niall?"

My face heats even more as I stutter out a response. "N-nothing. We weren’t talking about m-me."

I press my lips firmly together as if to prove my point.

The corner of Dev's mouth turns up in a small smile, and it looks like his dark mood is almost gone. Something else has grabbed his attention. I just wish that thing wasn't me.

"We should go to dinner," I say in an attempt to distract him. I start to stand up, but he grabs my arm and pulls me back down. He doesn’t let go and now we're sitting face to face in the middle of our room.

"You have a secret," he accuses. "You're terrible at keeping secrets, so this must be big."

I swallow hard, my heart beating hard against my rib cage. "It's nothing. It's stupid."

"Come on. You can tell me. I'm your best friend."

And there it is. The reason I could never tell him how I really feel: I don’t want to lose his friendship. It means too much to me. He means too much to me.

"It’s nothing," I say again. "It’s not an important part of my story." The lie causes me physical pain as the words leave my mouth, and I want to take them back. I hate lying to him.

He looks like he wants to push the matter further, but he simply lets go of my arm and shrugs.

"Fine. You don’t have to tell me." He says it flippantly, like it really doesn’t matter, which for some reason makes me hurt even more.

My skin feels cold where his hand just was, and suddenly it feels like there’s too much room between us. He was wrong. I'm not terrible at keeping secrets. I just don't like keeping them, especially from him,which is why I decide that it's time to stop keeping this one.

"Dev wait," I say even though he hasn't moved yet. "I'll tell you."

"You don’t have to," he says softly. "I didn't mean to push you."

I shake my head. "No, you didn't. I want to tell you."

"Okay."

I drop my gaze down to my hands in my lap but then I decide that I need to look at him when I say this. I have to see his reaction, no matter how bad it is.

"You said that you feel like a background character but I know that's not true. It couldn’t possibly be true because you're such a big part of my life."

He starts to say something, but I shake my head to stop him. If I don’t say this now, I don’t think I'll ever be able to say it. I take a deep breath and continue.

"From the moment the Crucible pulled us together and brought you into my life, I knew my life would never be the same. As soon as I saw your crooked smile and floppy hair falling into your eyes, I knew that I was gone for. I may not have known what it meant just yet, but I knew having you in my life was all I would ever want." His expression is unreadable as I say all of this, so I just keep going, trying not to worry about what he must be thinking. "You can't possibly be a background character because you’re a main character in my story. You’re one of the most special things about my story, and you’re one of the things that keeps it going, gives it purpose."

"Niall, what exactly are you saying?" Dev asks slowly.

A small part of me wants to say that he's just my best friend, but I can’t go back now. I have to see this all the way through.

"I’m in love with you, Dev. I have loved you for years and--mmph."

I'm cut off when he presses his lips to mine and kisses me with so much force that it nearly knocks me over.

He pulls away just as quickly, his face red and unable to look at me.

"Sorry. I just--. Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize."

"Niall, I... I love you, too." He looks back up at me when he says it, a smile playing on his lips.

My brain stalls out at that, but I can feel my face break out into a giant, stupid grin. I can’t believe it. I can't believe Dev actually feels the same way about me.

It’s my turn to kiss him, and I actually do knock into him with enough force to make him land on his back on the carpet. Then I kiss him like my life depends on it.

He wraps his arms around me, and we lie tangled up together kissing for a long time.

"I think dinner is over now," Dev says when we finally break apart, and I laugh.

I roll off of him so that were both lying on our backs together, side by side. His hand finds my and I interlace our fingers.

We stay like that for a few minutes before there's a knock at the door.

"Are you two alright in there? You missed dinner." It's Baz.

Dev sits up quickly, and I join him.

"Remember," I say quietly. You’re not a background character. You are so much more than that."

He smiles and says, "I know. Thanks for helping me see that." Then louder, he says, "We're fine. We just got a little...distracted."

I can feel my face warm as I stand up, hoping I don’t look too much like I was just rolling around on the floor with my roommate.

"Oh. Is it alright if I come in?"

Dev looks at me and I shrug. "Sure. I have some snacks hidden in my wardrobe. We can eat in here."

"Alright thanks," Baz says when I let him

The three of us sit on the floor together passing snacks around and making small talk about our day. Dev keeps throwing knowing glances my way, and I try not to blush as I think about all that has transpired on this carpet in the last hour and a half.

I wonder what Baz would say if I just reached over and took Dev’s hand right now, but I don’t think I'm ready for him to know just yet. I am not ashamed of this. I just want it to stay between me and Dev for a little while longer.

It will be our little secret. Our special, amazing secret.

I can't keep the smile off my face, and I can tell Dev knows exactly what I’m thinking about, but he doesn’t say anything until Baz has left for his own room.

"So..." He says.

"So..." I repeat.

He smiles at me and my heart melts. Merlin, I love him.

"What does this mean?" He asks, and his face flushes, giving away how nervous he was about asking that question. I'm surprised he even has to ask.

"For me, it means I want to be your boyfriend."

"I want that, too."

We kiss again and it's perfect.

It’s like one of those big moments in a story when everything comes together, and all the pieces fall into place. This is what everything has been building to, and it’s even better than I ever could have imagined.

This is not the end of our story, merely the end of this chapter in it.

#deniall #deniall fic #dev x niall #the simon snow trilogy #rainbow rowell #story of us #my writing #i wrote this in like an hour and a half on my phone last night #which is kind of crazy for me #lol #i had a lot of fun with it!

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danganronpasurvivoraskblog · 3 years

Note

Mod, who are your top 10 favorite characters and top 10 least favorite?

//I have actually been wanting to discuss something like this, so I’m glad someone brought it up to me.

//I’ll go through with this, but I won’t be discussing my least favorites, since I don’t want to bring any negativity, and to be honest, I enjoy writing pretty much everyone in this blog. I also fear if I share who my least favorites are in the main series, said characters won’t get as many asks, and I don’t want any unfair bias. I can definitely admit to hating Haiji though, because...well...he obviously won't be receiving any questions anymore. Besides, I doubt many people will disagree with me.

Honorable Mentions:

Makoto Naegi

Mahiru Koizumi

Kirumi Tojo

Kaede Akamatsu

Tsumugi Shirogane

Shuichi Saihara

Iroha Nijiue

Mikihiko Koyasunaga

Yoruko Kabuya

Tsurugi Kinjo

Uchui Porosen

Kibin Hatsudoki

//Though to be honest, everyone may as well be an honorable mention because I love writing every single one of these guys. Also, like I just said, don’t let this top 10 affect your asks. I love every character in this blog and I’m happy to make asks for each and every one of them. It was really hard to narrow it down to 10

#10: Tenko Chabashira

This might seem a little surprising, given that Tenko hasn't had a whole lot of screen time and story relevance so far. She's only been prominent in two arcs, Deadly Harmony and Novoselic Revolution, both of which she didn't have as much screen time as most of the other characters. However, not to spoil anything major, I have big plans for her, and what I've pulled out of her so far is something I'm proud of. My main goal is mainly to give her a bit of development, and tone down on the sexism element of her character. Not remove it entirely, mind you, because let's be real, Tenko unfortunately isn't Tenko without it, but basically to not do what the DR dev team did and make it the forefront of her character, while her other exceedingly good traits are just at the back until later on in the story.

#09: Kokichi Ouma

Kokichi is one of, if not, my favorite character in the original DR series. My main goal of him in this series is trying to grapple with his constantly changing attitude, mainly towards the DRV3 cast besides himself. At first he's glad to see them, then he turns spiteful towards Shuichi and Kaede when they try to fight him, then he straight up just abandons them and attempts to cut off contact. As he is right now, he's conflicted about how to feel about everyone. Sure, they all still hate him, but during Cabaret Kyojin's they came to his defense when he most needed it. That whole arc might've seemed pretty pointless and acted as needless filler, but my true intention of it was to flesh out the characters involved, mainly Kokichi and Kuripa. Speaking of which, that's another plot point that I'm looking forward to branching upon: the little companionship those two have going on right now.

#08: Monaca Towa

Monaca is a character I actually tend to struggle with in the grand scheme of things. The reason being that, arguably, she in canon is the second biggest antagonist in the series behind Junko. What I tried to do with Survivor though, is not make her an antagonist, but make her slowly become more and more redeemable, despite her actions. The reason why I went with this approach is mainly due to Monaca's last appearance in the series, where she states to Toko and Komaru that she's kind of just done with everything to do with Junko and Despair. I don't think it would be easy to bring her back as an antagonist because of THAT fiasco, and that is legitimately one of favorite scenes of her...which is funny because it's from DR3 and I kinda hate the anime. Her whole presence in Survivor is based around the idea of trying to seek redemption, but she doesn't outwardly want to admit this, nor does she really think she's worthy or deserving of said redemption. She's an adult now, and she grew a conscience. A guilty one that weighs her down and makes her come back to earth to basically settle things and make peace, and though it's been difficult, I love how she's turned out so far.

#07: Akira Tsuchiya

I understand many have their reservations about Akira after what he did this arc, but he's still legitimately one of my favorite villains in this blog because despite the fact that he's a psychopath who kills and ruins people all just for causing Despair, he's just kinda super relatable. He constantly lives with the attitude of just being done with everyone's shit, and I know a lot of DR fans can relate to that. He's also the kind of guy who marches to the beat of his own drum, which is obviously a very slow beat. He rarely ever does what Tsumugi tells him to do, unless the plan interests him or gives him something to do, and his character in general is based around the idea of "Shut-in NEET who just so happens to have a power complex." Overall, what makes him unique to me is just how normal he is, especially when he's compared to the chaotic sea that is the Danganronpa Villains.

#06: Mikan Tsumiki

Novoselic Revolution had the very important role in the story of mending Mikan. Without her efforts and the sacrifices she made in that arc, there's a high chance that the group would have failed to retake the kingdom from Angie and Mikihiko. It goes without saying that the screentime Mikan got in this arc was some of my absolute favorite moments on this blog from a writers perspective. A lot of people in DR dislike Mikan for her actions and character change in the third case of the second game, which I really don't think is fair. Mikan was just the character chosen to be afflicted with the Despair Disease. Nothing else would have been changed had it been a different character, so her role early on in Survivor is mainly her trying to come to terms with her actions, as well as things like making things right with Hiyoko (and Ibuki by extrension) and reevaluating whether or not she's a good person. Mikan is an emotionally and mentally broken child, and it's my full intent in my writing of her to heal her wounds like she does for so many other people.

#05: Narumi Osone

Easily my favorite Zetsubou villain in the blog. During Novoselic Revolution, I really buttered up how much I enjoyed writing Mikihiko, but in reality, I was just waiting for the Rebirth Duo (her and Akira) to burst onto the scene. She didn't make for as great a twist villain in Life and Lies of Akeru Yozora as I would've liked her to be, but even now, I still feel like she left an impact. I mean, she committed quite the number of atrocities. The main reason why I like Narumi though, is how she diverges from the rest of the Zetsubou group. While most of them are doing their evil things for reasons that constitute to causing as much Despair as possible, she does it for almost the complete opposite reason. She absolutely despises Despair, and the only reason she's with Organization Zetsubou, is so that she can patiently await and watch as the Hope that stems from the people fighting back. It's also plays into her ideal. Narumi is so obsessed with Hope that she believes that anyone and everyone who is without hope, and gives into Despair, doesn't deserve to live (and ideal that also allows her to easily hit it off with Nagito). To name the best example: The UUV. Their revenge fantasy is based around the Despair they feel post Ayumu and Marin's deaths, and not around the Hope of their goal of reforming society, even if by force. When Narumi notices this, is angers her so much she murders all of them in cold blood, believing them to be beyond redemption. As a final note, Narumi's violent nature and lust for bloodshed (and lest not forget her weird obsession with Makoto) is also made all the more tragic when you remember she's literally just a 14 year old kid with not a lot of life experience. For someone to be this far gone at such a young age is pretty depressing, but it also provides me with a lot of great writing opportunities, and god damn it she isn't a fun character to write.

#04: Mukuro Ikusaba.

I could pretty much just copy/paste the basic things I said about Monaca's personal conflict for Mukuro, but on a much more extreme level. This is something that I plan on actually branching on later down the line, but Mukuro's backstory and reason why she has a presence here is briefly mentioned by Sayaka in one post. To sum up what she said, when the Foundation were first starting to use the machines to bring back the victims of the first killing game, Makoto was the one who suggested possibly bringing Mukuro back, something that understandably, his classmates initially were against. However, at the time, Kyoko was still new to being the Foundation Chairwoman, and Makoto very much pressed the issue with her. Kyoko eventually agreed to the resurrection, but in exchange, any and all actions committed by the soldier, most notably any treacherous or bad ones, would subsequently be Makoto's responsibility. Of course, as you can imagine, Makoto accepted these terms, and Mukuro was resurrected. For a while afterwards, many were very wary of her presence, and most didn't outright accept her as a member of the Foundation, even when the Remnants of Despair officially signed up. What you have to remember is that Mukuro wasn't really brainwashed into helping Junko, at least not in the same way that the Remnants were. Most of what she did for Junko is what she did willingly, but Makoto felt that in reality, Mukuro was just another one of Junko's victims and she'd never known Hope in her life, which is why she turned out so chaotic, so his whole intention of reviving her was to redeem her honor, of which he was pretty much successful. The main trait of Mukuro's though that I tend to focus on, is arguably her most serious: her PTSD. Of all the characters who could have been hit hard with PTSD, it makes the most sense for it to be a soldier, and since the beginning of her revival, Mukuro has been cursed by the lingering ghost of her dead Despair sister. Junko's presence in her mind less drives Mukuro insane though, and simply makes her doubt herself and her presence, wondering if it was worth being revived, or whether or not she truly deserves to live. But regardless of how she feels, she's duty bound to the end, and still supports everyone unquestionably, especially towards those in her own branch being Makoto, her boss, the man who saved her, and of course her undeniable love interest, and Kuripa to whom she disciplines, but also acts as a mother/big sister figure to.

#03: Hajime Hinata.

It might just be me, but I feel like Hajime in particular is the fan fav in this blog. I feel he's shown up in more posts than any other character, which is fine by me given he's also one of my personal favorite characters, and is probably my favorite protagonist (it really changes depending on my mood, honestly, I think they're all as great as each other). The remnants of Despair's conflict is an obvious one that you commonly see in post-game fics such as this one, and in Survivor, and my personal opinion, Hajime is undoubtedly the one who has it the hardest. However, out of all of the characters in the series who HAVE trauma (and let's be real, that's undoubtedly a LOT of characters in both DR canon, and this blog) he's also undoubtedly the one who handles it the best. However, there is a limit to how much pressure he can take, and that causes him to lash out (like he did with Mahiru during Misfortune's Revenge, which I know we don't like to talk about but its the most notable example). He's been through a whole load of shit and the pressure is constantly crushing him like a gigantic boulder, yet he still forces himself to carry it. Outside of my own writing, Hajime has so many conflicting thoughts and trauma in other fics, and in Survivor, I don't intend to flat out copy them, but I do desire to live up to them. The reason why Hajime has so many burdens placed upon him, and as of Misfortune's Revenge now has double as many, yet is still able to keep going strong, is because he's no longer allowing himself to be weighed down by events that are in the past and out of his control. What makes his ideal unique, is that he has power, almost limitless amounts of it, but instead of focusing on what he can do with it, he's more conflicted and focused on what he CAN'T do, and changing the past is one thing he can't, and as of such doesn't focus on it. He only ever focuses on the present, and the future, and worries about that. And you've got to hand it to the guy, while it's definitely been better, his life is actually super good right now. He has at least 15 really great friends/found family members, a home on an island resort, an AI companion in his phone who will always help him out and support him, a smoking-hot red-haired girlfriend, a pretty good job and a lot more. For him, it's not simply a matter of abiding by the Foundation and fixing the chaos that he indirectly caused. It's also about the fear of losing what he has, and wanting to protect it.

#02: Ayumu Fujimori.

I've said this one or two times before, but I think Ayumu turned out spectacular, and when I eventually had to kill him off, I felt really bad about doing so. The main reason why I removed him, and why I currently don't have any plans to bring him back, is due to my future plans, having him around would make little to no sense. He serves mainly as a catalyst for the new phase of the story, a much darker one, and with his death, we enter that phase. I know many people are worried about it, but it's not just Ayumu's reason for being in the story that makes him great. While it isn't obvious right away, the main character that I was trying to portray with him, is that he's basically the darker side of Hajime. The two of them share very similar traits in character, personality and backstory. Some notable points would be

Both of them are incredibly self-doubtful, and that self-doubt caused them to become Ultimate Hopes.

Both of them once held huge admiration for a powerful group of people. For Hajime it was Hope's Peak and for Ayumu it was the Japanese Government

Said power called them useless, which led to their transformation

Both have pretty sad backstories, which involve two different types of cruel parents and family's.

They both have a best friend who likes to sleep.

Said best friend ended up dying horribly right in front of them, with them both unable to do anything about it, which eventually leads them both to go insane and make some bad decisions.

Though their methods differ, ultimately, they both want the same thing: a brighter future for their friends and the people they love

Ayumu might be a threat, and an antagonist, but he doesn't really count as a "villain" per se. At the core, he's basically just a misguided young man, who the world treated like shit, so he just wants to get back at it. He's also an influential figure, pulling many people into his fight, and gaining many supporters outside of his friends in the UUV. For the short time he was on the blog, he was an absolute BLAST to write, and you can damn sure bet I'm going to miss him.

#01: Kuripa Kurafto.

This is undoubtedly the riskiest part of this list, especially since we're talking about an OC here, but I also think a lot of you guys saw this coming. I can understand why some of you might disagree with me on this placement, but I'll tell you now, if you're unimpressed, trust me, I am barely scratching the surface of Kuripa's character. As of such, I have to go on this based off of what's already known about him. His whole character I feel comes full circle at the end of the Ultra Despair Gang arc, in which the first monumental event in the blog actually happens: him killing Haiji Towa by stabbing him in the gut and sending him falling to his death. This is then followed by a speech to Makoto, Komaru, Toko and Byakuya, which basically lays out the key part of Kuripa's character, being his ideals. Every protagonist in Danganronpa goes by a certain ideal that contrasts that of their enemies. For Makoto, it's Hope, for Hajime, it's Future, and for Shuichi it's truth. Kuripa is the complete reverse, being a protagonist that represents Despair. He's not outright a villain, or even a generally bad guy, but he definitely has some apparent darkness to him, and is also incredibly violent when at the peak of rage. Of course, it all stems from a huge event in his life, the murder of his little sister Kotoko by the hands of Matta Gyalusetsu, which has led to his over-arcing conflict: his desire to find Matta and kill him as revenge. I tend to hate characters in stories who have the "My Sister is Dead" archetype or trope, but the main reason is because most characters who have that JUST have that, and for Kuripa that's something I'm trying to avoid. One of the most important parts of Kuripa's character is the contrast between his dark, almost psychopathic side that believes murder is a suitable way to indefinitely solve a problem, and his regular self, who to put simply, is a complete and total clown. He's like a walking meme, and makes a total fool out of himself, either through just being a mindless tomfool, a playful perv, or a loveable idiotic otaku. Still, his presence is indeed important to everyone around him, especially seen through his interactions with Makoto, Kibin, Mukuro, Uchui, Kokichi, The Kyojin's and the High Roller staff. This is another thing in regards to Kuripa's conflict that is quite saddening to. Similar to Hajime, as things currently stand, Kuripa has an excellent life. He's a successful animator who makes a lot of money from his work, he enjoys his time at the Future Foundation and really looks up to both Makoto and Mukuro who both treat him with a reciprocated amount of respect, he gets to work in tangent with his best friend, he has many pals, some of which are part of an anime club, and on top of it all, he has a cute girlfriend who playfully flirts back and forth with him all the time. He has everything a guy could possibly ever want, but due to his one track mind, he can never be satisfied knowing Kotoko's killer is still out there, and he will do whatever it takes to avenge her...even if he needs to cut a few people down to get it...

//Doing this kind of self-reflective character analysis is pretty refreshing and fun to be honest, although, doing it makes it sound like I have a big head, and am complementary of my own writing where I know many might disagree with my techniques and opinions. You're free to, believe me, but please keep any criticism constructive.

-Mod

#tenko chabashira #kokichi ouma #monaca towa #akira tsuchiya #mikan tsumiki #narumi osone #mukuro ikusaba #hajime hinata #ayumu fujimori #kuripa kurafto #self reflection

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peculiar-shardscape · 3 years

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VENT. afpr’s hr talk gives off bad tones. I had to reassure myself how grateful we are getting af3 and how af is not equivalent to p3d0 and how rover tried to step up for the community but I feel on edge even when they are “joking” 1/2

Ah, I never really bothered to check the hr-talk, moreso because I had no interest in it whatsoever. I don’t ever talk in afpr since 90% of the members have shown an unknown severe dislike of my existence, so I simply am not active there

But don’t worry, you’re good to vent here, as long as it’s nothing too personal. I understand how you feel. I tend to lurk silently in the server along with other servers just to see what’s going on and so I understand how it’s worrying you.

This blog has dealt with anonymous hate over the whole p3d0 situation and it got so stupid the anon called me a p3d0 apologist even after confirming numerous times I do not support e1 nor any of his actions, and the fact Rover’s taken over the series now. It’s sickening how others are about this stuff, which is why I don’t enjoy getting into it.

The thing about the games is, E1 was the LEAD of the projects, but not the 100% creator of it. There were a lot of other devs in the team who are just as innocent as the most of us are, and so when people say the creators of af and pr are bad, it makes me feel bad for those who were involved but had done nothing wrong. E1 did a lot of horrible shit and he deserves no sympathy from any of us, but even if he’s the LEAD of the team, it doesn’t mean everyone else involved is as bad as he is. Hell, some devs actually got fucking manipulated by him and it’s not their fault for getting involved.

Some people need to realise that just because the lead was a huge dickhead, it doesn’t mean everyone else involved were as bad as he was. Sir Rover was a former dev for him and he was actually great from what I’ve heard. One of my friends were even of association with E1 himself, but it never meant they were bad in any way at all, and thats the same for the community. Just because we like a game run by an asshole, it doesn’t mean we support him. He’s terminated now. I wish everyone would understand he’s no longer this community’s problems and move on

And lastly, I simply hope AFPR improves someday. I’ve been in the server since near early 2020, and let me tell you, it has never changed. A lot of members of the server a fucking horrible and tend to love breaking rules, so I hope I get to live to find out whether they fix themselves or not. Honestly, afpr tumblr is so much safer and kinder than the discord server.

I’m sorry for whatever you dealt with looking through the server, anon. I hope you feel better eventually

#foragers foraging #anon vent #anonymous vent #negpost #afpr server tw #longpost

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lcrdoflies · 3 years

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self-para: sawyer writes a letter to his parole officer when: day 11, around 1am where: by the campfire

Amir,

How’s it going, you sonuvabitch??? Hope you and yours are well. I’m addressing this letter to you on account of you’re the only one I can trust to actually read it, so read it all the way through, you hear??

It is now the 11th day since our plane crashed somewhere in the Pacific. Supplies are starting to run low...food’s not looking too good, either. We’ve been collecting water through holes in the ground and boiling it over a fire in metal bottles – talk about some real Survivor SHIT!! So with food inventory being zilch, me and some of the boys are gonna try our hand at saltwater fishing tomorrow on the bay. Wish it was under different conditions but I’ve been hankering to give the ocean a go since we landed and there ain’t no time better than the present.

I had a couple conversations today that got me to thinking about who I’ve been and who I wanna be going forward. That’s why I’m writing you now, other than I’m running out of addies and can’t get any shuteye. You've always been better than I am at seeing the forest for the trees, as they say. Before I ended up on this wild fuckin ride, I used to think of my life as consisting of two parts: before juvie and after juvie. Now I think I’ll come to look at it as before the island and after the island. Crazy how just 11 days can be a week’s work for one average joe and a life-altering situation for another, ain’t it?

Before I left, you asked me who the hell Sawyer McLaren is. And the answer I came up with is this: I’m still trying to figure that out myself. Sometimes it feels like I haven’t changed since the day I stepped foot in the slammer. Other times I feel like a whole different man than I was when I got on that plane. I don’t know if that man is better than the one I used to be, yet, but I do have an idea of where he’s headed.

When I get out of here, I want to get my degree. My GED, or whatever they’re calling it now. And I want to get out of Conrad. Go somewhere with skyscrapers on the horizon and pigeon shit in the streets...gonna be a while til I can save up to get that boathouse in San Jose. But I like a while. Means I got more life to look forward to in the meantime.

I also want to stay in touch with the guys I came here with. Not gonna run away this time – I’ll write more letters if I got to!! We’ve seen shit like you wouldn’t believe together...done shit you wouldn’t believe, too (don’t ask – what happens in the clearing Stays In The Clearing). But if I’m being honest with you, I wouldn’t go through none of that shit with anybody else. Would you believe some of us hated each other’s guts not even a week ago?? I’m telling you, good buddy. Crazy what 11 days on a deserted island can do.

Take me and Marcher for example: we was at each other’s throats like a couple angry leghorns by day 3, and now I’d go so far as to consider him one of my closest buddies here. Says he wants to play for the NHL someday (he’s Canadian) and I believe the fucker might actually do it. Just needs to learn how to enjoy life a little, too.

Then there’s Dash. Crazy cool dude from Fla-ri-dah with a pink buzzcut and a sexy lady crocodile tattoo. Think he’s got even crazier stories than I do about his friends back home. Would love to sit down and have a beer with him for real someday.

Liam’s a bunny hugger in every sense of the word. Real good kid with a kind heart, full of surprises too. Lukas is from back east and knows a lot about tech. He’s smart, but the things he says straight up worries me sometimes. Might just be an error in translation on my end. JJ’s one of the guys coming fishing with me, and he knows a lot about EVERYTHING. He’s like a walking encyclopedia, I don’t know how he keeps all that knowledge in his brain without it spilling out of his ears. It just goes in one end and out the other whenever he tries to explain it to me.

Blue reminds me of Finn – the life of the party, always trying to make people laugh. Dev’s the opposite: he’s quiet and sensitive, but means well by others. Joe and Kian are from the other side of the pond, but they couldn’t be more opposites of each other. Can’t understand a word they say most of the time...they probably think the same thing about me, when I think about it.

Only guy I haven’t been able to crack yet is Sarge. He’s a bit of a hardass...think Marcher dialed up to 10. A bit rough around the edges, but he has his moments of humility sometimes. I wonder what he’d be like if we met under different circumstances. I wonder if any of us would even look in one another’s directions if we met under different circumstances.

The first couple days here, I spent a lot of time looking for someone to blame all of this on. On the pilot for crashing the plane. On you for suggesting the Twilight Zone retreat to me. On myself for being in bad enough shape for you to suggest the Twilight Zone retreat to me. At one point, I wanted to blame my mama and my Pa and even God for putting me into existence. And I lived to tell you that I’m through with dwelling on the past. Can’t do nothing about what’s been done. But I can do something about what’s to be done. I want to survive. I want to live. I want to try.

I know you’re not really reading this, good buddy, but please don’t give up on us. The feds, the search teams, whatever. Tell them to keep looking for us. That we’re not lost causes. That we’re rough around the edges and we’re carrying some baggage and we’re future NHL players, bunny huggers, dreamers, sons and brothers and kids with a lot of life and love in us left to give. My Pa used to say that a man never deserves, he earns. But I know now that he’s wrong. We deserve the chance to survive, and we deserve the chance to live.

My lids are starting to get reallll heavy so that means it’s time for beddy bye. Know that I meant it when I said I hoped you’re doing well. I hope Finn and Holden are doing well. And Pa. And my mother. I hope they’re not in bad sorts about me and that they can find peace in knowing, somehow, that I’m doing alright. Same goes for the families of the other guys, too. We’re gonna make it out of here someday.

Arrivederci, good buddy. See ya on the dark side of the moon.

Sawyer

#( i was gonna write this after he caught the feesh but sawyer muse said naur )#self.

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1264

Who are you subscribed to on YouTube? Oh man, I’m probably subscribed to over a hundred, if not 200. I’ve subscribed to channels relevant to interests I’ve had over the years, and since it’s not my habit to do spring cleaning on my feeds, the subscriptions have just keep piling up even if I no longer keep up with literally like 98% of them.

Do you like to go to the farmer's market? I don’t think I’ve ever been in one yet. They aren’t very common here and the ones we do have are pricey and mostly inaccessible to the everyday consumer, I’m sure.

What will (or was) the color of your wedding dress be? I wouldn’t want any other color than white.

What's your favorite melon? I don’t like fruits.

What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Arlee. Technically my family mostly considered her as just Nina’s pet, but the sting was felt all the same when we learned she died.

When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with? Yesterday, because it was Friday. Pretty self-explanatory, I wanted to get to the weekend so I can finally let go of work for a couple of days.

Name one person you've never had a fight with: Andi. I think we’re both afraid of pissing the other off, which works out for us lol.

What are you currently listening to? I can just hear the really loud whirring of my electric fan because it’s a grossly humid day today.

What would you rather have: cat or dog? Dogs.

Who is your least favorite person in real life? I have a lot of uncles I just don’t like.

Do you ever watch anybody's live stream of... anything, really? Technically, yeah. I will sometimes tune in to livestreams of lofi music on YouTube, but I do it to listen, not to watch.

Does your house have security cameras? No.

If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be? I think I might dye it for a certain period of time, but I also think I would eventually reach the point where I’ll just accept it and slowly let go of the dye.

What was the last establishment you stopped going to due to bad service? What happened? I haven’t run into much bad service, but I’ll never forget how long my order and bill took for Mad Mark’s. I never really vowed per se to never go back there again and I definitely didn’t confront the staff, but I haven’t eaten there since that incident.

What soundtrack do you listen to the most? Not a big soundtrack listener.

Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult? Nah, they’re kept from us until now. The biggest one I’ve heard about was having a kleptomaniac in the family but we were never told who it is.

Do you have an opinion most people you meet seem to disagree with you? Yeah, my dislike for fruits.

What’s something you like to have many options to choose from? Clothes, I guess, like bucket hats. I don’t shop a lot and clothes aren’t a priority in my budget, so when I do pick out clothes, it has to be exactly what I want so that I don’t feel it was a waste of money.

What’s the strangest decorative object you own? We have several quirky, disconnected decor in the living room from gifts we’ve acquired over the years. One object I can tell you about is the polar bear glass figurine we have on the coffee table.

What’s a thing you couldn’t imagine doing with your life right now? Dating around.

What’s been your proudest moment? Managing to stay alive this year and turn my life around for the better when I thought there was no hope.

What’s the filthiest non-pornographic movie you’ve seen? Eyes Wide Shut, probably.

Do you know anyone who doesn't seem to be fond of animals? I don’t think so. Like any animal...? I would find that quite odd, honestly. And I wouldn’t want to be friends with them if we weren’t already close .

Are you planning any outings or trips anytime soon? Whereabouts? No, nothing set in stone. I do want to fly out to South Korea soon, though.

Do you know anyone who has a phobia of a certain animal? I know a few people who are afraid of dogs.

Is there a particular brand of technology/electronics that you prefer? Yeah, Apple.

Is there a singer whose voice gives you goosebumps/chills? Hayley Williams and Jin, especially when he’s belting; and I don’t listen to her much, but I find that Billie Eilish has a unique voice that sounds really nice.

And is there a singer whose voice you simply can't stand? Selena Gomez for some of her songs, Meghan Trainor for most of her songs.

Are there any authors that are particularly dominant on your bookshelf? No.

Have you seen any photographs or videos that made you smile today? Sure.

Which item in your fridge are you most looking forward to consuming? My aunt sent over this gigantic-ass slab of salmon that I can’t wait to eat as sashimi. I already had a few pieces last night and it was hea ven ly.

Has anyone you know got into a new relationship lately? Hmm, I don’t think so. I know my coworker Dev got into a relationship a few weeks ago but it fizzled out as soon as it started because the guy was shitty.

If you menstruate, do you experience much PMS prior to it? Only on the emotional side; I rarely get physical symptoms. I usually feel down or emotionally heavy a few days before my period.

Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to? No, I don’t have any tattoos. Can you remember the last time you had a sudden change of mind? Hmm, like last night. I wanted to stay up to maximize the weekend, buuuut I decided against it and slept instead since I had been up since 2 in the morning.

When was the last time you did something on a whim? Two weeks ago when I impulsively dropped a thousand bucks to have cheese tarts delivered to Angela and Reena, hahaha.

Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you? My mom, grandma, and one of my aunts were the main people who raised me. Dad works overseas, so he was never at home much.

Have you ever began a relationship with someone you knew for less than a week? No, I wouldn’t do that.

Has one of your friends ever tried to ‘hook you up?’ Mik tried to pair me with one of his friends just days before I finally implied on social media that I was no longer in a relationship. It was a cool ego boost but I declined, since my emotions were still super turbulent then. Andi tried to initiate sex with me once too, but I also declined.

What is your card game of choice? I hate card games; I can never seem to understand them lmao, though that’s really more of a me problem than anything else.

What is your favourite books series? Growing up, I really loved the Septimus Heap series. But the thing about it was that I got into it while the series was still ongoing; and with how bad my attention span is, I always forgot the events/plot whenever the newest book came out.

So whenever that happened I had to read the entire series from Book 1; eventually the number of books I had to reread/revisit became too many (it was a seven-part series) and I simply just lost the time to read and I never got to know about the conclusion.

Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions? Street names – more precise. Landmarks to me can be pretty subjective – a green building might look blue to me, and I could just end up being lost.

Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Sure.

What was your favourite gym class moment? If I genuinely like or already play the sport that was being taught. That’s why PE table tennis was a lot of fun for me.

Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? I’ve never been on one but I imagine they are fun, yeah.

Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? That’s not a tradition here.

Do you have a favourite Scooby-Doo movie? No. I was too young for Scooby-Doo in a sense that I do remember watching the movies as a 3/4 year old as they were kept on in the background at home, but I didn’t get any of the plots/didn’t really appreciate the films.

Do you think it’s cute when toddlers try to run away and fall down? Sometimes, yeah. If the fall looked nasty I would obviously be concerned.

Do you enjoy listening to your grandparents tell stories of their past? Honestly, only one of my grandparents would be the type to do this but he’s been dead for six years now. It’s a big shame he passed before I could bond with him the way I had always wanted to. My three other grandparents are either too closed off or too quiet to share stories from their youth.

Do you have a crush on someone? Nah, nothing more than a celebrity crush.

If so... what does his/her name begin with?

What attracts you to them?

Do they know that you like them?

If they don't know, why didn't you tell them?

Name two people that you miss: Angela and Laurice.

Have you ever seen Titanic? More times than I can count. I’m sure I memorize like 80% of the script, too.

Have you ever swam with dolphins? No. I’m not so sure if I’ve seen dolphins, either. Maybe I have? Or maybe I’m confusing it with whales...idrk.

When was the last time you had a stomachache? Wednesday.

What's going to bed early for you? 11 PM or midnight.

Do you want to have a big family in the future? I used to, but I don’t think that’s the future I want anymore. One or two kids should be okay.

What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush? Technically speaking, an orgasm, I guess?? Lmao idk

Favorite Nicholas Cage movie? I don’t think I have one.

Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yeah, I’m fully dosed. Sinovac.

If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? I was suuuuuuper tired right after my first dose and I wanted to be knocked the fuck out, but I went right back to work after the shot because I am allergic to filing leaves hahaha. Second dose went smoothly.

What's the next item of clothing that you intend to buy for yourself? A bucket hat or maybe one of the Fila x BTS shirts because the collection is actually quite cute!

What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful? I join Facebook groups to be entertained, not because I actively look for advice.

Do you like your butt? Why or why not? Yeah. It...has a good form hahahahahaha.

Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia? Yes, a few years ago I went to a food park with my ex-girlfriend. I was already not feeling my best that day to begin with, so having to see an old woman stare daggers at us for what felt like years really stung. I felt small under her look and almost cried, but in the end I felt angry that I momentarily felt shame about my relationship. I decided to just piss the woman off on purpose and do PDA right in front of her.

Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I have two dogs at present and I know they make me extremely happy.

Who was the last person you went on a date with? Gabie.

Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid? No. The first and only time I was hospitalized (other than being birthed), I was about 12, I think.

What’s your favorite way to curl your hair? I don’t do that. I rarely style my hair.

At what age did you start swearing? I was 11.

What is something you physically can’t do? Ride a bike.

What do like better, apples or oranges? I don’t like any fruits; but in terms of flavored stuff, I like orange-flavored food, especially chewy candy, slightly more.

Around the holidays, do you hope for snow? Well, no.

What are your top two favorite bands? Paramore and Against Me!

How many people do you 100% trust? There are a handful. I generally trust easily just because I like to believe all people are kind and loyal – but I can also take it away in the snap of a finger.

Do you care what others think about you? Not so much.

Has anyone ever called you a bitch? Sure.

Did you watch Teletubbies when you were younger? Yeah but just super super faint memories. It wasn’t one of my main shows.

Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don’t.

Could you live the rest of your life without eating meat? I doubt it. I could try, but I think I’d get cranky and start looking for meat way earlier than I would like to admit.

Have you ever had a rolling backpack? Yup, if you mean a stroller. I think I’ve answered this on a previous survey.

Did you make any money today? No, because it’s a weekend. What was the highest place you've ever jumped from? Nothing dramatically high. I’ve had acrophobia-themed nightmares in the past, so even though I don’t actually have a fear of heights, the idea of jumping from a high place still makes me antsy.

Have you ever gone swimming in a river? Not that I can recall.

What was the last souvenir someone got you? I dunno if it counts but Andi bought merch from the AEW shop but made sure to also get a CM Punk sticker set for me :(

Do you have a favorite remix of a song? Remixes have never been my thing. What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument? Piano.

Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies? Yeah they can definitely affect the level of appreciation I hold towards a film. For instance, if I genuinely enjoyed a movie only to find out it has average to bad reviews, it invites me to think more critically about the movie.

Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar/etc.)? No.

If you had $500,000, what would you do with it? Give half to my parents and let them do whatever they wish it. With the remaining P12,500,000, I’d probably get myself my own condo and have it fully furnished, then get braces, then get a new phone and laptop. I’ll have a bunch of money still left, I’m pretty sure – the rest of it I’ll save.

Did the last person you touched lips with have a kid? No. I mean, I have honestly no clue what’s going on in her life now, but I know she doesn’t want kids so this is very unlikely.

"First loves are never really over." Is this true for you? It’s true in a sense that she left me a lot of trauma and self-esteem issues that will irrevocably always be a part of me now even though I’ve worked hard to resolved most of them by myself.

Did you like Michael Jackson before he died? Yes, because he has always been my favorite singer’s role model.

What are some things that would make you break up with someone? I don’t know how to answer this question, honestly. All the red flags were thrown and tossed and slapped into my face and down my throat for six years yet I never left. I don’t actually know what my limits are, and I believe it’s because my coping mechanism has to just accept things and suck them up no matter how bad they get. That’s what I’m trying to change for myself now.

What was the worst breakup you've ever had? I’ve had two breakups with the same person, and the second one was worse.

#survey #surveys

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ruakichan · 3 years

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State of Roo Gaming conglomopost:

Alchemy Stars (summer event):

120 pulls no Fleur. I has sad. Got trolled by two 6* in the same element even. Outlook bleak. This is gacha life. Game took a look at my A3 water team and said I didn’t need him. Game doesn’t understand thirst. : ( I need him.

That said, I am here for the energy of Fleur and Brock as Those Two Guys, even more so as Those Two Guys Who Absolutely Should Not Be Left Alone Unsupervised.

Summer story’s pretty interesting, though I did get bored with a lot of the beach-life stuff as I do in every gacha that does summer events sans GBF. I don’t particularly feel anything toward Beryl, unlike Eve; she’s very passive so we haven’t seen any of her personal thoughts or feelings about much. Hell, half the reason I’m so salty about Fleur is cause he actually got more development than Beryl did so far, which made me like him more than just a pretty face!

Humor beats are still pretty spot on though. And at least this game really knows how to make events feel like events.

3 more days and I’ll be done with Stage 4 for Regal, THANK GOD. The dispatches are such an annoying time-gate. I have a ton of energy packs saved up so I should be able to clear out Stage 5 much more quickly. Looking forward to getting my first Eternal Silent Hunter!

I ran out of characters I feel like A3ing so now I’m just grinding to level up equipment.

I don’t know if I should get Barton (who I do not have) or Nemesis (who I need one more copy of to max breakthrough and thus have her skill set to pre-emptive) from the free ticket they give. This is one of the few times where both would technically be dick picks, but one would be useful for meta (Nemesis is one of my core Thunder units) while the other I don’t have but would like to. DECISIONS! At least the ticket doesn’t expire. i’ll end up forgetting about it most likely

GBF (lotto drama):

Man that lotto drama whaoooo. I’m mostly retired/seasonal in GBF these days (and my loss of reliable/fast internet in a week will just compound that due to ping/racing/refresh) so I don’t really care, but just whao.

That said, I think with this being people’s last straw shows that some people really don’t know how to give things up on their own and don’t realize it’s okay to fall out of love with something you once enjoyed or spent a lot of time/effort/money in. I saw a lot of complaints about X or Y no longer having magic/fun etc for them any more, and they still stick around cause they keep hoping that it’ll come back, and I can tell you—it rarely ever does if you stick around. It’s okay to move on. That sunk-cost fallacy just does harm until only bitter feelings are left.

As for me, I did come out with a T3. Picked Nehan cause I always go dick picks in gacha and I was clamoring for a Nehan unit back during SoR’s original run. Used the second one to go meta with G.Narm though since there was nothing left for me to really get, but I dislike Narmaya so she can just sit there in my inventory with all her other versions CAUSE SHE WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE I guess.

Did literally nothing else though; just no real time to play grindblue lately.

Exos Heroes (director’s notes):

Hahaha, the devs noted they were nervous about how people would react to the first Memorial Saga and I BET IT WAS DUE TO THE TWIST LOL but anyone who has used Rachel or came from Exos Saga weren’t gonna be shocked. Regardless, the translation referred to the story as from “Ramge and Rachel’s youth” and I laughed cause IT TOOK PLACE A WEEK BEFORE THE MAIN GAME’S STORY????

Hope the 2nd MS ends up actually giving rewards for side quests.

Thank god though that they are going to implement a give up section for tag battles. I no longer have to set up [my absolute most hated character in this game] as a sacrificial character any more and can set up some more proper teams.

Infinity Core is still shit but at least now they will be showing what you’ll be facing the entire week instead of day-by-day reveals. Half of the issue is playing a guessing game on what FCs you need to hoard in case their theme comes up and thus purposely limit yourself from actually achieving higher stages. Still wish they’d just allow you to keep the stage you’re on if you already cleared it in a previous week. Why the hell do I have to redo the stage(s) every week if I already passed it? At least quick battle will be implemented to a limited degree.

Glad they acknowledged the biggest problem in the game: inability for new players to catch up. The gap between vets and newer players never ever narrows due to all the time-gating elements this game has. I’ve been around the block in a lot of games and the ones who have this gap never has good player retention and ends up shrinking just to a core base of cliques until the game dies. Too bad no solutions offered.

I was disappointed Blue Kaya doesn’t buff HP for support units, then remembered HP is the biggest problem in PVP so yeah, no, nevermind, good on them for realizing that. Didn’t roll for her since I went ham on the summer banners and defense scales poorly in this game due to the HP inflation.

... oh man, I got momentarily excited when I saw Saint West was getting SF3. Then remembered Rachel, while from Saint West, is the heir to Saint West’s throne, and is basically labeled as Saint West in everything else in the game, is actually the general for Lenombe. Fuck me. When will they buff him. I’m tired of facing SF3 nations and seeing my nation’s gimmick being told to pound sand cause they refuse to buff his nation even though he’s fallen way off the meta a long time ago. i think i will literally blow a fuse if greenland gets sf3 before lenombe

In non director’s notes news, I linked up Shadowbane to Lenombe. Luna and Garlond are pretty fun to use and I hope to eventually slap them onto my WR team for tag week to see how that works out, but they worked really well in Infinity Core. Glad I finally have a viable Frost unit I can use since who is Bathory? She doesn’t know me.

Dunno who I’d put in Rudley’s spot since I use him so that my Lenombe team has at least more than one chance to kill these tanky SF3 nations. Zeon is just useless now due to the prevalence of Misty and I tried out Misty and she’s okay, but she’s not the best synergy with Lenombe. I wish A.Zeon would get his FC already so I can pair him with Schmid to get the Vagabond SF bonuses... (but I’m thinking the outcry against the genderbends pushed that back RIP...)

AND FINALLY. FINALLY!!! YOU CAN GET R1 GEAR AT YORM SHOP. OH MY GOD. I CAN FINALLY GEAR MY CHARACTERS. NO MORE HATING MY LUCK. /bloodtears

#roo gaming #also i picked up this idle game that is basically Ads: The Game #but it's cute and i just run it when i'm watching YT vids #still also doing alice closet

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ellanainthetardis · 3 years

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Pride, Prejudice, and Other Flavors by Sonali Dev My rating: 1 of 5 stars I finished it but it was a real struggle. Good things: the diverse cast, the social issues raised, and the cast of sisters and cousins who were all very amazing. It's also cool to have a gender reversal for a P&P retelling. Bad things: where do I start? I didn't care for either MC basically... I liked the background cast better. Also there were so many characters and I get this is a "family" series but there was far too much backstory for every single character crammed in there. It was a lot of telling instead of showing, a lot of info dumping. Also the whole "wanted to say" thing was annoying as hell. It's fine if you do it once but when it happens 10 times per chapter in EVERY conversation it just gets confusing and annoying. Either don't use a dialogue format for what "you want to say but don't" or just don't use a paraphrase or something because UGH. But the thing that made me really hate the book if I have to be honest - because the core story wasn't that bad truly - was Trisha's relationship with her family and most of all her parents. That was soooo toxic. Every time she was with her father or her father was mentioned I kept thinking "why are you bothering? get out, get out, get out! They don't want you then you're better off removing yourself from the whole thing". It was just so so unhealthy and it never gets resolved! (view spoiler)[ apparently according to the mother since he's not a child molester that makes him the best dad EVER (hide spoiler)] I get there is trauma involved here and some abusive dynamics are very subtle to see when you're trapped in them but honestly it was just so so awful to read... I was hoping her dad would get what was coming to him or they would have a real talk about how much of an asshole he was but NOPE. This ruined it for me. They treated that woman like shit, as if she had done nothing right in her life when she is a successful neurosurgeon... It was just too much and I WISH someone would have made them see. Instead it's all fine because it's "family" and it's "normal". Well... No, it's not. Needless to say I won't be picking up the sequels. View all my reviews

#i read stuff #i might be pmsing #so this review might be a bit strong worded #but honestly i stand by what i said #I have the worst luck with books lately #i need to pick a good one next haah

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malefiquinn · 3 years

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My Cyberpunk 2077 review

I finished the game last night and I have Feelings™ about it, so here goes my review. While the heavy spoilers (ending related) will be hidden under Keep Reading, I might mention some minor ones here and there, so read at your own risk.

Let’s get the Big Thing out of the way first: yes, the game is buggy af. The good news is most of them are visual bugs, so while annoying, they don’t really matter gameplay wise. But I did have to reload an earlier save file two times to get rid of gamebreaking bugs, both messing with main story quests. It was frustrating. And nevermind the times my car got destroyed because the game suddenly realized there were two cars occupying the same space. However I did manage to finish the game and make the choices I wanted, so it wasn’t that bad either.

My biggest complain is the blantant transphobia shown in the character creator. I know Claire exists and she’s awesome and I love her, but the cc options are just not inclusive enough. What’s the point of having them if you can’t use them anyway? Linking V’s pronouns to voice types makes absolutely no sense. And not being able to remove breasts from the female body type (or put them in the male body type) rubs me the wrong way as well, though I understand that it would involve a lot more animation work. Lastly, having body type-dependant hair styles is just plain inexcusable when the devs took the time to design genitals that are just not shown past the character creator (unless V walks around naked, I suppose). So, why bother having all these ✨choices✨ when the player can’t get a good, accurate customization anyway?

And it gets worse if we talk about romances. Real people have specific tastes and that’s completely understandable, but real life has a lot more than 4 choices in total. More importantly, bisexual people are a thing? There should have been at least one female and one male bisexual romance options in game. So to make it al worse, the constraint in gay romance options is... awful. Why have 3 types of gender-related customization if you can’t use them if you want to romance someone? I’m a cishet female who plays as a cishet female first if given the option, but I’m still bothered for the queer community (which I’m still part of btw, since I’m in the ace spectrum). It feels like being trans is more of a fetish in Night City than a real trait.

Speaking of romances, I played River’s and I found it... bit of a lackluster. I don’t find him physically attractive (shaved head and no beard are not my thing) but his voice was pretty nice and I liked his personality despite being a cop. But the main downside was the way the game treats his romance. I knew I wasn’t going to get a BioWare-style romance, but V’s relationship with River was like a sidenote and once he’s romanced, there’s just no way to interact with him again. That perhaps is the same for the other romances but there’s no replayability, in a sense that there’s no way to talk to/kiss him again or replay the sex scene, for instance. It bothered me that the game forces V to say that “she’s too busy” and apologize to her boyfriend all the time, because *I* would’ve made time to visit if there was ingame acknowledgement of it. The worst bit is that I feel like River’s romance is the least polished of them all, because Panam and Judy play important roles in main quests and Kerry is pivotal to Johnny’s sidequests, while River is... just there (also more further on, regarding the ending). So the fact that he’s like the forgotten child in the romance section while being the only cishet female option is heartbreaking.

The silverlining is that, at least, the mistreated community was het females instead of gay females. Although, this is just another example of game devs thinking about male players first.

Now the good part: what I liked

The cars. I’m not a car enthusiast, I don’t enjoy driving in real life and I’m a terrible driver in games, but I fucking loved the cars in CP2077. The Caliburn was like my game baby, I had so much fun driving around and hearing the different engines for each car, and the differences in driving... it was awesome. I got and bought *all* the available cars for the sake of it, just because I liked them so much.

The story. I love games that get me invested and this one was definitely one of those. Falling for Jackie when I knew he was not gonna be around for long was an expected, but still perfectly excecuted punch to the gut. And Johnny’s guidance and company was something I was hyped about, but still played out even better than I though it would. So to my next point, Keanu Reeves. I was thrilled to play a game with Keanu in it and it blew my mind. Those reviews that pinpoint Keanu’s acting as the weak link in the game are fucking wrong, how else you expect to see (and hear) an angry, resentful man permanently stuck in time? Even worse, when he knows the people he hated the most managed to kill him? I wasn’t happy when I learned Johnny was not a romance option but after meeting him, I’m glad that’s the case. He’s the perfect antihero-turned-best-friend for V, if you can stand him.

Stealth and hacking. Most of the time I choose the option to play stealthy and this time it wasn’t just that, it was the option to use futuristic technology at the same time. I LOVED it. Quickhacking enemies instead of shooting them is so much fun. Enemy detection is a bit wonky at times but still, I enjoyed it much better than if it had been a plain shooter. And those guns with homing shots are so cool that I wanted to play them over sniper rifles, my usual go tos.

The characters. I got invested in V’s relationships, even if the romantic aspect wasn’t as great as it could’ve been. Friendship with Kerry and Panam, clousure for Judy and Rogue, mourning Jackie, being part of River’s family, so many the fixers in existance... and Johnny, my bff Johnny. Even Alt, with her somewhat little role, was great. I was promised a compelling story and deep characters, and I did get both.

The soundtrack. Overall it’s pretty great, but my favorite songs are those related to Samurai. And it’s not even because of my love for Johnny, I really do enjoy them for their musical content. Unironically my all time favorite is Johnny’s as well, Never Fade Away. I won’t exit a car or open the menu when that song is playing.

The easter eggs. From GlaDOS and Silence of the Lambs in the Delamain quests to the Matix-esque pills of the main storyline, to Hideo Kojima and the BB in a lab, “Harvest like a Reaper” and the many “You’re breathtaking!” references (Kerry’s take was my favorite), the game presents A LOT of pop culture nods and I’m here for it. Having real life content creators around for several levels of cameos was a nice touch as well.

So without mentioning the heavy spoilers (aka ending), in my opinion, Cyberpunk 2077 deserves a 9/10. Bugs are fixable and the story and characters carry the game on it’s own because they’re just too good. The main story is kinda short and I believe Johnny’s sidequests should be part of the main story, but I get why they are not mandatory if you want to roleplay a full on dislike towards the rockerboy. But still, there are some things related to gender and romance that are complete misfires. I hope that some of those will be fixed via patches (the character creator bits), but the lack of more romance options or at least bisexual NPCs obviously won’t be fixed and that’s what keeps CP2077 away from a perfect score in my book.

Now, regarding the endings:

The one thing that truly bothered me was that the Rogue one had no real goodbyes for V. She goes into a suicide mission in space and everyone’s post-credit messages complain she just disappeared without a trace? I get she’s dying and all, but, for fuck’s sake leave a message explaining it if you cared so much about them. The game *makes* you care about the characters but doesn’t give you an option to honor that love at the end.

Also, again, romances. I played both Rogue and Panam’s endings so I know there’s no way to have a happy ending with River, which is bittersweet and probably for the best that it happens with him since his romance seems to be the least engaging, but again that makes me feel cheated. Not that they parted ways in the Nomad ending (that was sad, but sad endings are not bad), but that there is no happy-ish ending romance wise for a cishet female. People who romanced Panam obviously stay together with her and those who romanced Judy do too from what I’ve read (and no idea about Kerry’s romance), but not getting that option if you choose to be female and go for a het romance takes away from the game. Sadly. Also my last interaction with River in Rogue’s ending was fucking terrible, I liked how poetic that ending was for Rogue and Johnny until I got to the rest of my V’s life.

(But I still headcanon that River eventually joined V with the Aldecaldos in my canon ending, aka the Nomads’, despite what he said. Since his post-credit message implies he might visit her and stuff.)

As for the rest of the ending... CP2077 clearly states that life isn’t happy and that there’re no happy endings for people who live in NC, so I like that no ending is completely happy since you are bound to die anyway, but. But. It’s somewhat disheartening that the overall arc can be resumed to “all that you did served for nothing, you’re still dying so your efforts were absolutely useless.” I really don’t see how to improve it without defaulting to a happy, sunshine-esque ending that fixes everything, so I don’t know. It still wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear at the end, so... I liked it but didn’t, at the same time. Ha.

And lastly, I hoped for endgame playability and there is none, you have to revert to an earlier save to keep playing. I get why it wasn’t done, to give a definitive end to V’s story in NC, but anyway. What I really liked about this choice was that no matter the ending, V becomes no one again. They will be forgotten by most people after a while either because they leave with the nomads or because they ‘disappear’, aka die in a blaze of glory in that casino in space. Or well, sell their soul to Arasaka or commit suicide on the rooftop.

So overall, I loved this game and critics are somewhat too harsh. But I agree there are some terrible design choices and a long way of bugfixing to get to the specific masterpiece that we were hoping for.

#cyberpunk 2077 #personal #ivy 'v' kerrigan #since she's in the pic #my v

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horansqueen · 3 years

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Stuck With You - Chapter 21

Chapter 21: Tell Me

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

Tell me what it's like to be with you Remind me of the things we use to do And tell me that this time will never end Tell me what it's like, tell me again

Everytime you stay It never feels quite the same And everytime you go It hurts a way you'll never know

Everything I fear Shows itself everytime you're here And everything I know (I know) Leaves with you everytime that you go

click here to be on the update list

NIALL

It was not easy to ignore her. I had spent days doing exactly that but now that she had pushed me away, I couldn't do it anymore. I felt like a creep whenever I'd find myself staring at her for a bit too long. How could I just forget about her and pretend that nothing had happened between us? How could I just pretend I didn't care about her anymore? That I didn't think about her all the time? That I didn't have feelings for her? It felt completely stupid to go on with my life as if she hadn't been the most important part of it in the last few weeks... as if she was not still a big part of it.

I looked at her as she walked out of our class, laughing with Daxia and Asher about something I didn't hear. She raised her nose up in a grimace and giggled a bit more but I just pushed my hands in my pockets, remaining motionless as she left. She was better than me at pretending, and if I couldn't remember the way she had kissed me in the elevator, or the way she had looked at me when she found out I paid half her rent, I would believe her. Luckily (nor not?) I could clearly remember all of it. The way she had ground on my thighs as we kissed deeply and how she had whimpered when my cock had swollen between her legs... The way she let me touch her, the way she sucked on my tongue when we kissed in our room... but most of all, the way her eyes fluttered when I placed soft and slow kisses on her lips after my claustrophobic crisis... the way she had looked so hurt and sad whenever I left for whatever reason... the way I could hear pain in her voice every time I rejected her. It was all those things that kept hope alive inside me. You can't just forget about someone like that, right? Not someone who had that effect on you, no, I didn't want to believe it.

I waited, hopeful that maybe she'd glance back, giving me just enough fuel to keep hoping for something, but she didn't, and I ended up walking back to my room only to grab my guitar and my notebook. I scribbled a few words quickly, the first things that came to my mind when I thought about Devon, and found a melody just as fast.

I stared at some of the words written and felt my eyes flutter as I breathed in. I tried to stop the tears and swallowed them hard before clearing my throat and rubbing my eyes. It couldn't be the end, I didn't want it to be, and now that Devon was ignoring me the way I had ignored her, I couldn't help but hate myself, knowing it was what I actually put her through, and probably even worse.

I took my phone and snapped a picture of my notebook and my guitar, wondering how Devon would have taken the picture and knowing it would definitely have looked better than the one I was now posting on instagram, but it didn't matter. Somehow, I wished she would see it and realize it was for her, but I knew there was only a tiny chance for that. I hesitated but added a few words from the song I had just written in the description part and blinked a few times staring at it, wondering if it was a mistake.

"Every time we get this close, It's always pulling us apart."

Turns out Devon didn't like the picture or commented on it. I was not really expecting it but I was hoping for it, but if I knew one thing about Devon now, it was that she was really stubborn. It was not what emanated from her the most, in my opinion, and it wasn't as important as her intensity, her feelings, her fiery, her empathy and her sensitivity, but it was still a part of her that I couldn't deny. I couldn't blame her, most artists were stubborn, I was slightly entitled myself, but her stubbornness was strong and I liked it, even if it caused a problem at that exact moment.

When Lewis invited me home to watch the game, I almost refused. I wanted to see Devon, but she had asked not to see me, and it would have been wrong of me to go to her place, knowing she didn't want me around her. I wanted to respect her and what she wanted, even if I was desperate for a conversation with her. I knew I couldn't force her to have feelings for me, or to act on them. It was on her, and begging her or harassing her wouldn't change anything. In fact, it would make things worse and anyway, it was not the kind of things I did. If Devon ended up giving me a chance, it would be her decision, the same way it was my decision to push her away and not take all the chances she already gave me. A bad decision, but it was all mine.

I finally accepted when Lewis told me Devon was leaving for the evening and even if I was disappointed, I didn't show it or mention it. I couldn't stop wondering where she was going and with who as I drove to my friend's and when I parked. I stayed for a few minutes, sitting behind the wheel, trying to stop the erratic beatings of my heart. I hadn't felt like that for so long. It felt like a heartbreak all over again, except this time, the whole break up was my fault and the problem was me. I leaned my forehead on the wheel and sigh until I heard someone chuckle.

"Are you napping before the game?"

I sat up and leaned my head on the bench before sighing loud enough for Louis to hear.

"You’re here for Devon, I'm guessing." I just let out without enthusiasm, not even looking at him.

"Nop, I'm here because Lewis invited me to watch the game."

It made me frown and I turned my head his way as it was still leaning on the bench. "What?"

"Ya head." Louis shrugged, glanced at the door of the building before looking back at me. "I thought Dev was going to watch it with us."

I raised my eyebrows and started my car again, shaking my head slightly as Louis got closer. "Hey, mate, where are you going?"

"Devon doesn't want me near, I'm certainly not going to spend the evening in her vital space and make her uncomfortable." I explained, putting both my hands on the wheel.

"Dev doesn't want you to avoid her."

I sighed again and turned my head only to meet Louis' eyes. "She was pretty clear."

"You know she likes you, right?" Louis raised his eyebrows. "She wants you in her life."

"But she made it clear she didn't want me around. I can't just go with your words, okay? I have to go with hers."

I couldn't pretend it didn't feel good to hear from her best friend that Devon actually liked me, but I was also aware that Louis wanted me happy. He had been taking care of me ever since that story with my ex girlfriend. I didn't know if it was out of guilt or pure friendship but either way, I couldn't deny that he was there for me, no matter what. I had been blabbing and complaining to him every single day since that stupid blind date at the restaurant and even if he was annoyed by all the shit I threw at him, he remained calm and collected, which was a first for him.

"You're right." Louis admitted, taking one last pull at his cigarette and throwing it on the ground. He pushed the smoke out of his lungs on the side to make sure it wouldn't come in my face and licked his lips. "You do give up quite easily though don't you think? She came back every time you pushed her away." he pointed out in a gentle tone.

"No, she didn't." I shrugged a shoulder. "We just ended up being locked together in random places."

"Maybe Lewis' apartment can be that random place."

I moved my head closer to the window and looked up at the building before sighing. "If I have an inkling of a feeling that she's uncomfortable, I'm leaving."

"Good."

I ended up in the elevator with Louis, rubbing my hands on the back of my jeans. I was more and more nervous as we got closer to his apartment and when Lewis opened the door, I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest by my throat.

I didn't ask about Devon but she didn't seem to be there and we all sat in the living room with a beer. There were a few guys from some of my art classes too, sitting on the floor, but I decided to sit next to Louis on one of the couches. I finished my beer quite fast and got up to grab an other in the fridge. My heart skipped a beat when I closed the door after grabbing a beer and my eyes got slightly bigger.

"Hey, Devie." I let out in a low tone, swallowing hard as my eyes roamed on her. "Uhm you-you look great."

"No need to lie, Niall." she shook her head with a sigh. "I don't know why I let Daxia convince me to wear things like that, this is so uncomfortable." She pulled on the bottom of her dress roughly but all it did was show part of her bra. She was leaning a bit and I let my eyes roam on her cleavage for less than a second before looking away.

"You shouldn't do that." I pointed out, clearing my throat. "It's- it's pulling it at the top."

She looked down at her breasts and groaned, letting her head fall back on her shoulders. I had to admit I didn't remember her with that much cleavage and I licked my lips.

"Are you.. are you wearing a push-up bra or something?"

She looked up in my eyes with surprise and her lips parted slightly before she moved her head slowly from left to right. "How did you..." she didn't finish her question and shook her head faster. "That's it. That's enough. I'm getting changed!"

"No wait!"

I grabbed her wrist, two of my fingers and my thumb wrapping around it loosely. She stopped and breathed in, and I wondered if it was because she was annoyed that I stopped her, or annoyed because of that electric feeling that probably crossed her body the same way it had crossed mine at the contact of our skin.

"Devie, you look amazing." I admitted in a low and soft tone as she turned around to face me. I hated thinking she was going on a date, and all the scenarios in my head made my heart sink in my chest, but I couldn't lie to her. I would never lie to her again. "You really do. You look beautiful."

She bit her bottom lip and nodded as I let go of her wrist and she pulled on the top of her dress again to cover more of her breasts.

"I'm sorry, Devie. I know you're leaving but, if me being here bothers you, I can leave."

She looked up again and her eyes met mine. She just shrugged and cleared her throat, looking back at everyone in the living room before turning back to me again.

"No it's okay, I know Lewis is your friend." she shrugged, grabbing her purse on the table. "I'm leaving for the evening anyway, so it doesn't really matter."

I remained silent and pushed my hands in my pockets, holding my breath. Was I allowed to look at her the way I was looking at her?

"A pair of shorts."

"What?" she asked with a frown.

"If you wear a pair of shorts under your dress, it'll bother you less that it's short."

"The problem is mostly that I hate my thighs but I guess you're not wrong." she chuckled, raising her eyebrows. "It's a good idea."

I waited patiently until she came back, walking by the kitchen and waving shyly at me. "Bye Niall, thanks for the tip."

It took me a few minutes to go back to the living room. No one had noticed I had left for a while except for Louis, who turned his head my way as soon as I sat next to him. "Did you tell her?"

"Mm? Tell her what?" I asked, staring at the tv as I leaned my elbows on my knees.

"That you love her."

I turned my whole body his way, now only focusing on him, and shook my head. "No, and I don't plan to." I explained slowly. "Louis, she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you and you know it."

I didn't answer and turned back to the tv for a few minutes and finally leaned my back on the couch. "You think she's gonna shag a guy tonight?" I asked low and a bit sad, looking down at my beer as I turned it in my hands.

"No."

"Why not."

"I know Dev, she's not like that." Louis explained, letting out a sigh. "Would you shag a girl tonight? A girl that's not her?"

"What does it have to do with anything?"

"Dev is a lot like you." he finally confessed. "I'm sure you've noticed before. You two react the same way, you've been through the same things... both of you gave up on love and both of you are completely in love with each other. You stopped having sex with Mandy because Devon is all you think about. Trust me, you're all Devon thinks about, too."

"She told you that?" I asked, closing my eyes and swallowing hard.

"She'd kill me if she found out I told you."

---

An other week without Devon, an other week getting drunk and complaining to Louis. I had missed a few classes and always ended up in the music room to write songs on the piano after everyone had left until very late at night. I would probably get denied the access to that room if they found out I was drowning my pain in vodka, beer and rum while I was composing but I didn't care.

On friday night, Louis had begged me to join him in class. He had asked for the keys to classroom to finish his work and apparently, he wanted me to write a song for him that he'd use. I had never written a song for kids before but I was always ready to try new things. Besides, Louis had been there for me a lot in the past few days and I felt like I owed him at least that.

The days were getting shorter and it was already dark outside. Weirdly, the hall was barely lighted but I noticed the open door of a neon-lit room. I walked in and noticed Louis, sitting on one of the desks. His lips curled when he saw me and I realized I hadn't seen a small classroom like that before.

"Neil, hey, I'm glad you're here." he raised his eyebrows, jumping off the desk and walking to me. "I really need you."

"Yea, of course." I frowned, looking around the room. "I mean we could have worked in my room, or yours?"

"Mm no, we couldn't." he replied, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and bringing me closer into a weird hug. "It really had to be here."

"Okay, you're being weird. It sounds like a bad horror movie. Are you gonna kill me or something?"

Louis chuckled as I looked at him and he took a few steps back, throwing his arms in the air.

"I'd never do that, Niall. You're my best friend!"

I took a step closer when he reached the hall and he moved his hand in front of himself, making me stop immediately. "Wait here a minute or two, okay?"

"Alright."

I sighed and sat on a desk, my guitar on my lap, and let my fingers slide on the strings gently. It's only when I heard a voice in the hall that I looked up and frowned. My heart skipped a beat when Devon walked by the door, her eyes covered with Louis' hands but I frowned and raised my hands up when I noticed Lewis, slightly behind them, who was telling me to keep quiet with a finger on his lips.

"Lou, I hate surprises, you know it." she let out, nibbling on her bottom lip.

Despite all the stress my friends were putting me through, I still found myself thinking about kissing her as my eyes fell on her mouth and I held my breath.

"Keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them, alright?"

"Mmhm."

Slowly, he removed his hands from her eyes and I stood there, not really knowing what the hell they were trying to do. Devon didn't want to talk to me, she didn't want to be around me or hear about me, and bringing her here was not going to change anything, I knew it. It's only when Louis closed the door and I heard the lock that I understood.

"No!" I Iet out, jumping off the desk as I gripped my guitar tighter. "NO!"

I hit the door a few times without looking back at Devon but I knew that by now, she had understood what was happening. Our friends had decided to lock us in a room without our consent and I could feel myself get dizzy at that thought.

"It's not funny guys! I'm claustrophobic!" I yelled, hitting the door again with the side of my fist. "Let me out!"

"The room is big enough and there's like, five windows, Niall!"

"Yea!" Lewis agreed. "Feel lucky, at first we had thought about the janitor's closet!"

"Guys, it's not cool!" I begged, leaning my forehead on the door. "And it's useless."

"No it's not!" Louis let out as I closed my eyes and groaned low. "Solve your shit! I'm tired to hear both of you talk about each other!"

"Plus, we stole your phones." Lewis let out with a laughter. "I took Devon's when she was not looking and she just thought she lost it. Louis stole yours a few minutes ago."

I frowned and my hand reached for my pocket, realizing he was right and I just rolled my eyes. My heart was beating so hard I was wondering if it would just stop completely at some point. It was not a claustrophobia crisis though, it was just the fact that once again, I was locked with Devon somewhere but this time, the roles were reversed. She was the one who was avoiding me.

"Neil, tell her, okay?"

I didn't answer him. I just licked my lips and turned around, scared of what was going to happen. Devon raised her eyebrows at me and pressed her lips together, her arms wrapped around herself. She tilted her head and I had to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Tell me what?"

Request

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belphegorbillickin · 3 years

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Of course! glad I could make you happy ^^ I've also been a bit down lately, exams and I've been feeling a bit neglected these days, so ur response to my ask made me soft ;-; lmao I'm usually bubbly but I tend to bottle up feelings like this (to the point where I erupt LMAO). That aside, are u a new blog by any chance? If u aren't (or even if u r tbh) YOU NEED MORE ANONS/READERS APPRECIATING UR WORK OMG! Also, that's rlly sweet of u, but I want u to take care of urself first since ur not well bby

I hate tumblr's word limit BUT AS I WAS SAYING. I really appreciate that, and who knows I might request something in the future ✌️👀👀 but rn I want you to take care of yourself! Don't stress yourself (like me rn) and make sure you're feeling happy and well! Also, off topic, but who is your fav Obey Me! character??

You're so kind, I'm glad I could help cheer you up a bit too! I hope the people around you start giving you more attention and you can relax soon.

I'm not the best conversationalist, but you can message me about random Obey Me! stuff whenever you're feeling lonely. Don't ever feel bad about rambling or going off-topic because as you can see I can't shut up when it comes to Obey Me.

I just started posting Obey Me! content, and any of my writing at all, at the beginning of March so yeah I'm pretty new.

Either way I really appreciate the sentiment. I've seen quite a few nice things people write in the tags sometimes that makes me really happy even if I feel too nervous/awkward to respond properly.

I'm really, really bad at picking favorites tbh. I actually hated almost all of my favs before it turned into love/hate and then just love. Not sure what that says about me but I guess that whole "two sides of the same coin" thing is true to an extent.

I guess my favorite to write would be Levi since it usually comes really easy to me. I'm able to relate to him the most, but I feel like a lot of the ingame interactions are severely lacking to the point where it affected how much I liked him for a while.

You almost never get to actually relate to him. The game just assumes you're outgoing, neurotypical, and know nothing about anything "nerdy" which is a really odd choice for a psuedo-otome that's focusing more and more to whales.

He also seems to be the least interested in romance by far until super recently so it also kind of made me feel like a creep for being into him even though that probably sounds ridiculous. I don't like tsunderes romantically, but he has a pretty good reason for it and he's not too obnoxious about it.

Belphegor's the second easiest to write and I like him a lot, as you can see by my username. I do feel like they missed a lot of potential with him, but his interactions are always the best imo. Especially in Devilgrams, I feel like MC has the most personality in them compared to others. I also really love how soft he his for Beel, it's part of what made me start liking him when he was still being a tsun-tsun little asshole.

I love Beel the most, he's so sweet that and devilgrams always cheer me up, though I have a lot of trouble writing him sometimes. If I had to pick just one of them it'd be him, even though being eaten alive is one of my biggest fears irl. I get really annoyed when the game only lets you dismiss his feelings or outright insult him though.

Simeon really pissed me off during the angel event and then with some of the things he did in the most recent lessons not too long after, but now he's really growing on me again. I pretty much expected him to be that kind of character anyway.

Definitely the hottest character imo, both looks and personality wise, but I rarely see people acknowledge the darker parts of his personality. It doesn't help that most of it is gated around harder lessons or an event that may not be canon.

Lucifer's reveal and softer side made me go from hating him to begrudgingly loving him, he's also unintentionally hilarious and interesting to write. The devs constantly pushing him in early events put me off though.

By the time I actually came to like him I ended up seeing him as more of "the father/older brother I never had" than a romantic interest so the ingame interactions get kind of awkward sometimes.

Sorry about the rambling, but feel free to ramble back about your favorite characters. I'm really curious as to who they are, and especially if my versions match up to your favorites or you find characters that aren't your favorites to be more interesting when I write them. I'm also interested to see if my favorites were obvious, because I feel like they kinda were.

No pressure ofc, don't feel like you have to respond if you don't want to.

#asks

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