#and I NEVER validate that kind of shit here
Its ironic that this person blocked me when... I would NEVER want anyone to be attacked over Stolitz.
Did they make this as a response to the people who dislike Stolitz? Because.... most of us never want to directly attack others in the first place. We are just saying our own thoughts on our own blogs with little to no discourse besides maybe a few direct responses. But thats it!! The fandom has ironically been MORE peaceful since episode 5.
Basically what im trying to say that if ANYONE attacked people over a ship with fictional characters then they’re the worst filth on this hellsite.
NO ONE SHOULD EVER HAVE TO TOLERATE WITCHHUNTING DOXXING NASTY REBLOGS RUDE ASKS NONE OF THAT SHIT. AND IF ANYONE DID DO THIS AT ONE POINT AFTER READING OUR POSTS FUCK EM!
THAT SHIT IS NEVER OK.
These fictional characters arent more valuable than the human lives behind the screen. So again, I find it to be very ironic that this person got pissed at me because in reality.... I actually agree with everything this post is saying! 🤦🏾♀️
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welcome home (scaramouche)
relationship: scaramouche x reader
warnings: not proof-read like all of my stories
author's note: scaramouche was the reason why i returned to playing genshin lol also this is pretty short bec i just wanted some scaramouche fluff (for those who saw my idea post, you'd know that this wasn't planned at all) no hat slander here either bec the hat has a cultural importance/significance and shouldn't be treated as a laughing matter (and frankly, the hat really suits him so it never bothered me)
despite being alone in your house at this hour of the night, you didn't — even for the slightest bit — flinched at the way the door was slammed open. instead, you raise from your seat the dining area and walk towards the front door where a certain harbinger was standing.
"welcome home," you greet. noticing the way the harbinger's stiff posture relaxed at your voice, you smile and approach him carefully. "is everything alright, my love?"
"no," he grunts, finally raising his gaze to meet yours. "everything's going shit."
"why don't you take a bath for now so we can talk about it later in bed?" you propose, cupping his face gently with your hands. "i'm sure you need a warm bath right now, scaramouche."
"why don't you join me then, hmmm?" he asks, smirking, and wraps an arm around your waist.
"i would, but i need to cook food for you," you laugh, unfazed by his teasing remark. seeing this reminds scaramouche of how he and his colleagues are surprised of how he managed to get in a relationship with someone as kind and cheerful as you. "go take a bath, i'll be waiting here."
gently, you remove the large hat from his head and hold it close to your body. you carefully lean up, pecking his lips, before moving away to set the hat somewhere clean and safe. this earns you a groan from the harbinger who was unsatisfied by the short-lived kiss.
as much as scaramouche loved being showered by affection, as it satiates his needs and calms his insecurities, he wouldn't outright admit it unless he needs a verbal validation.
"whatever," he scoffs as he walks to the bedroom. as dismissive as he might've sounded, you were well aware that he was excited and a tiny bit flustered at what happened.
laughing under your breath, you shake your head and proceed to whip something up for scaramouche. after all, after weeks of working hard as the sixth harbinger, it's only reasonable and well-deserved for scaramouche to get lots of love and affection.
and as his significant other, you're more than happy to shower him with that.
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✿ ✧ ❧ ☣ (I could send a lot but here's what I want to know) (scythesandwhiskey)
✿ What do you think about public call out posts?
I’m kind of indifferent to them. Most times the person being called out isn’t someone I know, nor am I mutuals with. I also have shit memory so I usually end up forgetting about them anyway.
✧ Do you agree with reblog karma or is it forced interaction?
I think it’s less “I’m forcing you to interact with me if you don’t reblog from the source” and less “I don’t want my notifications to get clogged” which is a valid reason to enforce reblog karma! I personally practice reblog karma myself because I feel it’s common courtesy, but everyone is free to reblog memes from me as they please.
❧ Have you ever been jealous of anyone?
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dar'manda (Mando x f!reader insert)
(Inspired by this scene)
Summary: You've been working as a merchant on Nevarro for years now, only out of necessity. Life really wasn't going your way. At least until the Mandalorian came by your booth. Now he's all you think about, and soon he'll be even more.
Warnings: Probably some swearing (real and in universe), violence (eventually), smut (eventually), No use of Y/N, slowburn/fluff (for the first little while)
Notes: Takes place at the end of season 1, and will mostly take place between season one and two. I have been sitting on this for a while due to some fear about reception by the fandom, but honestly I just need to stop thinking about it so here we go. She's going out into the world, and I hope you enjoy. (Also I wrote this prologue like 2 months ago so it isn't quite where I'd like it to be but if you read this please just stick with me, I swear my writing gets better lol)
You don’t know how long it’s been since you last saw him. Weeks? Months? But you can’t get that damn tin can out of your head.
You really have no reason to be this hung up on him. He’s barely spoken to you, you’ve never even seen his face, so it should be easy enough to move on from whatever childish infatuation you have over him. Right? Maker, what kind of person crushes on a mask and a suit of armour?
But there’s something about him, something that keeps him planted in your subconscious. You’ve tried to find the words to explain it, but nothing ever comes close. You can't even begin to understand how this man has completely overtaken your every waking thought.
He used to come by every couple of weeks, and you’d savour every delectable minute of the interaction, but that was all before shit hit the fan of course. You weren't there to see it but when you came back to work the next day it was all anyone could talk about.
“Apparently the metal man broke some Guild rule, and practically all of the other bounty hunters tried to kill him for it.” You heard over your shoulder. As much as you liked to keep to yourself, you couldn’t help form eavesdropping on a conversation between merchants. You did have a guilty pleasure for drama, probably to fill the uneventful void that your mundane life had now become.
“The Mandalorian? He broke their code then!” one exclaimed.
“I heard he went back for a bounty,” someone else whispered.
“What could make someone do something so stupid?” questioned a merchant lady you already didn’t particularly like.
“He doesn’t strike me as stupid,” you interrupt, trying to stick up for the man you were currently enamoured with. “If he did it, there must be a valid reason.”
“If he did it?” She sneered. “Do you not see the damage he left behind? People will be out of business for sure. It’ll take weeks to clean up the mess he made.”
“Then I guess I hope it was worth it. That it wasn't in vain.” You state, putting an end to the conversation. You hoped the man – that you already liked against your better judgement – wouldn’t cause so much harm without some justification.
In the wake of his rebellion, a covert of other masked hunters revealed themselves, shot up the town, and then vanished without a word. And so did your Mandalorian.
Woah hold on. Not yours. Just one random Mandalorian that you’ve said a handful of words to and have harboured a secret crush over.
From the second you saw him you pretty much knew you were screwed. Between the husky modulated voice, and the broad as hell shoulders, there was pretty much no way to quell the instant attraction that rose up in you. His presence alone was suffocating. Nothing could stop the way your vocal cords tightened to the point of forcing out a soft squeal at his sight. The whole time he talked to you, you could feel his visor latch onto your body – pinning you to the spot.
You thought you might find some relief when he left. Quite the opposite. You couldn't help but gawk at the way his body moved, like he knew he was hot shit. He took your damn breath away. And you were glad to know that he couldn't see your lips part to let out a soft moan, or the way they pursed back together as you unconsciously swallowed the suddenly copious amount of saliva pooling in your mouth. Fucking delicious, you thought, shamelessly.
Maybe it was the fact that you knew he could take anyone down in milliseconds. He was untouchable, and this latest defiance proved that. No one crossed the Guild. Well, no one crossed the Guild and got away with it. But if anyone could, it would be Mando.
And there’s another thing. You don’t even know his name. Which means that you’re forced to call him the colloquial slang that is commonly used by outsiders of the Mandalorian culture. “Mando”. You couldn’t help but think about how it almost sounded like an insult, especially when slurred from the mouth of other criminals. You hated the way people spat the word out at him, obviously trying to get him worked up; to see what he was made of. It made you desperately wish that you had a better name to call him, his real name. An intimate piece of knowledge that you could hold on to, something of him that no one else had.
Maybe that made you selfish. Even so, there was so much you wished you knew about him. He was a complete mystery.
To be fair, he probably didn’t even know your own name. You can't recall him asking for it, or if you ever introduced yourself. You were pretty much a bumbling mess the first time you met him. To the point where even if you had tried to say your name it probably would have sounded like you were speaking Huttese. Although, who could blame you. It wasn’t very conventional to introduce yourself to every customer. The people on Nevarro usually kept to themselves, especially the bounty hunters. There wasn’t much room for ‘customer service’. But damn you wish you had tried to make some sort of introduction. Even if it had come out as incoherent nonsense, you think it may have made talking to him later a bit easier.
However, none of that matters if he never comes back, and you bet he won’t. He’s smarter than that. To pull what he did, he’s probably on the other side of the galaxy right now.
Even so, you’ll miss the shared awkward silences and stolen glances that came with each of his visits. Whenever he’d come into the shop, he’d list off what he needed to stock up on, using the most deep and captivating voice you think you’d ever heard. If he hadn’t had that helmet covering his face, you’d swear he stared right into your soul as he did so. It almost made you weak in the knees every damn time. You’d then rummage through each supply crate and gather the best quality of every item, and finally – just to bring your humiliation to an all-time high – you’d give him a discount for absolutely no discernible reason. He took notice of the reduced price the first time and thanked you, only for you to be berated by your boss once he left. Eventually, to your dismay, the niceties came to a halt. Maybe he forgot what full price was, maybe he just couldn’t care less.
Either way, it looks like you’d risked your job for the last time. It’s a shame. For a planet full of bounty hunters and hardened criminals, there’s actually not a lot to entertain you. A shootout here, an escaped bounty there, but nothing that satisfied your desire for an exciting lifestyle.
The closest you got to that would be each time some wide-eyed, eager, wannabe-bounty-hunter strolled through town looking for a chance to weasel their way up the ladder of the Guild. They definitely thought they were more important than they actually were, and they always made a point of showing off for you. Not that you were anything special, just the closest thing with cleavage usually. They’d probably brag about their rank and their kill counts, things you could not care less about. A few of them actually had the balls to ask you out, but it usually only ended in a free meal or drink. To be fair though that was very intentional on your part. It was fun to play the part of a flirtatious girl from the market for a while, and almost exciting to think about how you were completely screwing over those assholes.
Over the time you’ve spent alone in the galaxy you learned exactly how to read those kinds of people. You knew just how far to go, just what to say or do until you got what you needed. As much as you weren’t a fan of physical affection, you often brushed your target's arm or thigh, played with their hair, or if the situation really demanded it – madeout with them behind the cantina. But you always made a point of stopping before things got too far. You may not be a complete saint, but you knew none of the scumbags you met were worth your time.
You wouldn’t have allowed things to go any further. Not with them. Going any further could only be a letdown, and you were fine to take those matters into your own hands…. literally. You may be a complete flirt, but only as a skill to survive in this grimy and dangerous galaxy. You learned early on that being young and female was a vulnerability. That was at least until you discovered how that vulnerability could be shaped into one of your most valuable strengths.
When you think about him though… well something about him made your entire badass facade disappear into thin air. You lost any cool you had the minute he walked past your vendor. Not to mention that there was something else about him that told you he’d see right through it anyway. Maybe it was the visor. Some special setting to read the level of bullshit.
As far as you’ve seen, he doesn’t take anyone’s shit. He definitely isn’t the type to make others feel comfortable in a conversation. He says precisely what he needs to get his point across, nothing more. Never once had you heard him use more than 10 words at a time.
On a few occasions you were lucky enough to end up in the cantina at the same time as him. Whether you were on a break or entertaining some dead-beat for free lunch, you remember how fast your heart would beat when the glint of his helmet met your vision. You wondered if he noticed your presence, or if he even recognized you away from your vendor at the market.
One time you were in the next booth over. Your spine straightened, and your whole body shivered when he slid into his seat and placed himself directly behind you. The proximity was electrifying. It made every neuron in your body fire rapidly and your blood vessels pump impossibly fast. You were probably supposed to be listening to the slimeball buying your drinks drone on about how impressive his last capture was, but the baritone emanating from behind ensnared every ounce of focus you had.
“I’ll take the highest pay” he muttered through the modulator.
“I do have other hunters, Mando. I can’t always guarantee you get the best of the lot.” replied his employer. A smile maintained on his face even when confronting an unforgiving barricade.
“I’m sure you do. But high price means high risk.” Mando responded. His employer’s confused silence forced him to continue. “Those skilled enough to take on the bounties know better than to do so.”
The Guild leaders' laughter bounced off the walls making many patrons turned their heads, while others continued their business, obviously being used to this behaviour.
You were left puzzled in that moment, completely baffled by this interaction. It wasn't until much later that night when it finally clicked. Although you didn’t know exactly how ranking in the Guild worked, you knew Mando was up there. He had the status to strike fear into almost every other bounty hunter he outranked. Mando had staked his claim long ago, and no one in the Guild was stupid enough to try and take a bounty from him. If he wanted something, he was going to get it.
You’d remember that interaction vividly. Not only because of how close you were to the Mandalorian as you overheard it, but also in service as a reminder to you, proving just how dominant he was in this world. He held power over every member of the Guild, including its leader, whether he wanted to admit it or not. You felt idiotic for not instantly understanding the control he wielded wherever he went. Sometimes it's a wonder how completely oblivious you could be.
Although you certainly were not oblivious to the drastic upgrade he got just before leaving. If you thought Mando was intimidating before, his new head to toe silver armour was sure to strike fear into any of his prey. You remember thinking you saw his reflection pass by earlier in the day, but he quickly dissolved into the shadows, as he often found a way of doing. However, later that night when you had just gotten off from work, he strolled back into the cantina for a new batch of bounties and all eyes were drawn to him. Most eyes were filled with jealousy since – as his employer made clear – he completed the job none of them could. They were probably even more enraged by the fact that he wore his reward back into the room, when most of them would have gladly taken that metal to the highest bidder and sold it for a hefty profit. However, you saw him differently than the rest. Your eyes were fixed on him in fear and in wonder. This metal man, already a force of nature, just became that much more impossible to defeat. As if anything could get to him before, it was clear now that no one could reach the Mandalorian.
But again – it doesn't matter. Not a single soul on Canto Bight would bet his shiny ass walks back into this sector. Not unless he has some kinda death wish…
Turns out he has some kinda death wish.
More notes: Hello there! I hope you enjoyed this lovely mess. I'm not the most proud of it, but I do want to continue this story (which I know we've all read 100 iterations of by now). Either way, I'm having fun writing it, so I might as well post it!
I'd love a like or comment if you'd be willing to share, I'm very new to writing so I'd enjoy any constructive criticism (especially on the first few parts, I know they need work, but at this point I just want to stop thinking about it and continue on with the story). Also this will be ongoing, so if you wanna keep reading feel free to drop your @ in my inbox or in the comments and I can tag you when I update!
So long for now my fellow helmet whores!
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vent incoming honestly i feel like maybe i just need to go to sleep but like. gonna put it under a read more bc its gonna get fucking long i can feel it in my bones. dont feel obligated to read i just dunno where to put this bc if it stays in my head i will go insane
tw self harm, mentions of emotional abuse
i dont feel like i actually have a personality like i feel like i just switch my personality depending on who im talking to bc like. idk?? when i think abt myself im like. who the fuck are u. a lot of ppl have pieces of media that were like formative and shit and that they continuously go back to but i. dont?? like i dont feel that passion for. anything. ig bastille counts but i dont listen to them as often as i used to and i barely listen to their old songs which were rlly the ones i listened to over and over and burned into my memory as a teenager and i just. cant summon that kind of love for anything anymore apparently
i never fucking know what to talk abt like i dont have fucking anything to fall back on bc i just. dont have interests ig?? like all i know for sure abt myself is im trans im filipino i like cats. im not even sure im actually bi but id-ing as anything but bi feels so goddamn fucked up and part of me wonders if its bc im actually bi or bc bisexuality is one of the few things i can actually cling to as a part of my identity as a human being bc ive id'd as bi since i was 15. i hate it here ig horror counts as an interest bc i love horror so goddamn much but ask me what my fave horror movie is and i wont have an answer. i dont fucking know.
im a writer ig. thats one of the few things that i genuinely love but i hardly write bc every time i write i just keep thinking abt how its not fucking good enough its NEVER good enough to make up for the fact that its mine and im some piece of shit w/ no personality and that HAS to come thru in my work so i just never share it. i want to share my work as soon as i finish it bc i crave validation but i dont fucking want to share it bc its trash so i just dont write.
like going back to the media thing this isnt even me just. not engaging w/ media at all. i go thru media so fucking quickly i just dont connect w/ any of it. literally the only thing ive connected w/ recently (and by recently i mean like. 1-2 years ago) is bojack horseman and nitw and its bc i see bits of my father in bojack and in seeing my father i see what i could become and w/ nitw its bc like. well i mean the main character is a cat. but also mae is super relatable as someone who grew up in an isolated area but the character i got most attached to was casey (literally never shows up in the game! but i still outlined a whole fanfic just for him and mae! what the fuck!) bc i just projected all over him bc yea! i think thats who i'd be. im not the main character im the one that dies unfulfilled and empty and is never looked for. i think thats me. i know rationally that isnt true bc i was never rebellious enough for my family to completely overlook me going missing as just me running away and i know, logically, that they (probably) love me but ur asking ME to be rational? the fuck. plus in my defense my parents looooooved treating me like their emotional punching bag/therapist and my dad in particular would project all my sisters perceived shortcomings onto me bc she was his favorite and he couldnt ever be mad at her so like. it all had to be my fault instead. and my mom like. idk i think she just liked to hurt me when i was still living w/ her bc she’d constantly flip flop on her opinions on things depending on what would make me feel worse and then she’d just. berate me if i got angry or cried abt it or whatever bc idk what goes on in these ppl’s heads okay i just lived in their house i wasnt in their brains. things are better now that i live elsewhere but im still Like This so yanno. bit late
idk. i dunno what to do anymore. i feel like maybe i should be on antidepressants and maybe if i were things would be better maybe i’d be a person again (if i was ever even a person, rlly) but like. ive been asking to go to a therapist for years and my family have agreed w/ me but only ever to shut me up and then they never do anything abt it. i used to cut and my dad just handed me a knife and told me to use that instead of a razor so i stopped cutting but now i scratch myself until i leave marks and i pull my hair and nobody says anything so im kind of like. does that count?? is that self harm too?? does this still count as self destructive behavior?? god who fucking knows. i feel like maybe it does but i dont want to claim it as self harm bc i mean. ig its not rlly that bad its not like i make myself bleed or anything
i should prolly see a therapist at some point tbh my family’s all like waaaaah ur not urself when ur on meds but if this is me i dont wanna be me anymore bc this sucks. maybe i’ll be able to go after the pandemic. anyways im tired im gonna go to bed
Re: your "chiseling" post (certainly feel free to ignore if you don't want long external input on your own personal life)
Making yourself smaller won't make people like you more, it just means you'll have less of yourself to share with folks who, theoretically, love all of your existence (even if there are aspects/bits that they don't like/aren't fans of). If they love you, they'll either love you for all of you or clearly communicate if they have a serious issue. If you're left doubting their affection or what they take issue with, it's due to a lack of love. Either of validating and affirming love from others, or a lack of self love (typically a result of violations from people in our past that we've internalized and normalized when we shouldn't).
You aren't a perfect person, you're human. There will be times you say the wrong thing or talk too loud or too long or just tick someone off because there was an unspoken trigger. (At least, that's been my experience.) But people who love you won't throw you away for that; if they truly want you in their life, they will be patient and kind. They will not keep a record of wrongs. They will hope with you and persevere with you. They won't leave you.
It's hard to believe that's possible sometimes. That you'll ever be someone's first choice. That someone will stay. That you'll ever experience that love. I wrestle with that all the time myself. But I know two things: 1) you DO deserve love like that. Not because you're perfect, but because you're uniquely you. You offer a light that no one else can, and people will be drawn to that like friendly moths. No matter what fools who have violated your trust and vulnerability have led you to believe, you do deserve love. Their mistakes do not change something innately true. You deserve love. 2) It isn't easy, but sometimes learning to love yourself kindly helps you to accept the love you do deserve. It also gives you agency to focus on something you can control, instead of other people which is notoriously harder to do. Just remember it's like learning to ride a bike: you don't fail if you fall down while learning, only if you never get back on the bike. You don't have to be in the Tour de France of kindly loving yourself to be successful. So wherever you are in your journey of loving yourself, you're learning and growing and that in itself is beautiful and good.
In short? You deserve love. You will experience love. Look for the kind moths (and feel free to swat away the flies who waste your time, I'm pretty sure they literally eat shit). You are stunning and brilliant and you illuminate so much good in the world. Until someone else sees it, you've got the admiration of at least one follower here. Take care, dear.
i don’t know what to say 🥺 thank you for this, it really means a lot 🥺
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hi, sorry to butt in, I saw you mentioning in a post how tarot should be used as a bonus explanation for a synastry chart. I'm curious, as someone who also studies and is interested astrology, I have never seen 'soulmates' aspects being mentioned or specific set of aspects indicating that (at least not from accurate/professional sources). are those trines, conjunctions? wouldn't that be too general since petty much anyone born a few days or even weeks apart all over the world would have an almost exact same chart full of conjunctions? there are many people who are born at the same time too so it kind of defeats the purpose of finding the 'one' when there are many people similar to us out there lol imo i wouldn't say astrology is a good tool to predict spiritually related connections, or predict couples unless they are already involved with each other
hii so as usual, please let me put my disclaimer here
Disclaimer: this opinion/rant is based on my experience with astrology, I am obviously a mere mortal, so I do not hold the absolute truth. Astrology is a constant learning process and it is, open to discussion and interpretation of each astrologer. This is just how I’ve come to perfect my astrology readings and so far it has worked that way for me.
So first off, astrology is just one of the many parts that come into play when it comes to “detecting” a soulmate, as we all are multidimensional beings, astrology does not automatically dictate your interpersonal relationships, it just shines a light on them.
Second, there are a shit ton of types of soulmates, platonic, romantic, family, karmic, etc. So yeah, there are A LOT of people out there that will most likely have a lot of strong connections with you.
On that same note, there are a lot of types of charts that may shine a brighter light into knowing if someone is your soulmate, like draconic charts, synastry charts, composite charts, it all depends on what you’re looking for and honestly, finding a balance between them.
Now, as for the actual analysis, apart from looking at the number of aspects between two charts (which goes without saying, that although conjunctions are nice harmonization, looking at charts is mostly a casuistic thing, a lot of conjunctions are not always a good indicator for example) and having a great understanding of each chart separetely (for example when looking for a twin flame, it is most likely that you’d find one if your chart points towards not being a new soul cause it indicates that your soul path is brand new and you’ve still got a lot to learn before the twin flame journey, then again, it is casuistic) there are some aspects that tend to show up when talking about soulmates (double whammies, some asteroids, overlays, etc) , so its great to look out for those, in my personal... method of doing things, after having analyzed the charts I like to confirm it with tarot readings, different decks and oracles too, since to me, tarot can tune into present energy and reach a bit further when accompanied with an astrology reading.
As a last note, and merely from personal experience, when talking about soulmates specifically, trust me, you wouldn’t even need any time of tool to tell you they are your soulmate, the universe will let you know loud and clear the reason for that certain person (or people) to enter your life. It is a personal journey, after all, reading into it is more of a confirmation thing than looking out for it type of thing.
EDIT: I was so surprised to read that I used “should” on any of my spirituality rant (mainly bc it sounded so agressive as in ‘it’s my way or the high way’ and I’m not like that... at least not here and not on my spiritual talks) so I took the liberty of searching my asks and if it’s the one I think it was, I just wanted to clarify that I never suggested that you should use tarot to clarify any astrology readings, as if any of the two is less valid without the other, I said it was my personal preference to do so since my style is more of an anxious one so I like to make sure my readings are more accurate bc I like to give you guys quality readings. This edit is all in good spirits btw.
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Can I ask you for advice on something really personal to me? I don’t really feel that comfortable talking about it with friends bc I just know they won’t know where I’m coming from tbh.
2 years ago my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer...I was shocked and scared of course and had no idea what to expect. During this time I started a new job which I worked 12 hours every day and barely saw my mom. Even so, my relationship with her has almost been non existent most of my life so it confused me so much bc although I was so scared and prayed for her health and recovery there was never a bond or closeness between us for me to really know how to be there for her or help. I’m Asian American and in most cases there really isn’t a family bond or love/affection in Asian households. It was very cold in my family environment, my dad is physically violent and an angry bastard whose told me to die on various occasions. For my whole life I rarely saw my mom, she was a great mother in terms of providing us with food and buying clothing but not much else as far as motherly love and warmth. I truly can’t remember any conversation where she’s not asking me about work/school/finances. I know she did the best of what she could. I used to be very angry bc she didn’t protect me from my dads abuse and couldn’t show me the love I desperately needed. Because of this and our lack of a bond I felt so lost when she was diagnosed, bc of that and my working so much I felt like I failed as a daughter. I didn’t know how to be compassionate bc I was still healing my own childhood traumas. I felt guilty bc I feel like I had a duty to take care of her or show feeling but the way I was raised and bc I had no initial bond w her in the first place it was so hard to suddenly conjure up some kind of emotion when nothing was ever there regardless of her sickness or not. That’s why I felt so guilty bc I didn’t know how to help. Is this normal? Am I a shit person for not knowing how? Thankfully she’s recovered from chemo and is now healthy, I just want to know how I can stop being stuck in my mindset of resentment and anger. I feel so ungrateful bc some people have lost loved ones due to cancer and my mom is still here yet I feel still as distant as ever. She works from 9am til 8pm everyday at a nail store. It’s always been like that, even before the sickness since I was in middle school. I have no idea where I can even find time to bond with her or mend our relationship. It’s hard bc I never had a relationship with my dad so not having my mom hurts more. I just feel so lost and alone. It seems like a waste of time, Asian American families think showing emotion is weak and I know she won’t see eye to eye. Hard to fix a relationship that was never even there in the first place.
Wow, it feels like I’m watching myself in this, anon. The same exact situation happened to me, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago as well and we never had a relationship, she’s actually very abusive, and I went through the same exact feelings you’re describing. I completely understand where you’re coming from, and yes, it’s normal and you’re not alone. You’re absolutely not a shit person, in my culture as well it’s considered weak for a parent to be gentle and caring to their child. This naturally creates a lot of resentment and regret, and I know how hard it is to come to terms with all that unresolved anger and feelings of abandonment, especially when the parent would never take your feelings seriously. Please don’t blame yourself for feeling this way, I remember going through that and it made me absolutely miserable too. Wanting your mother’s affection is a deeply human thing, and being deprived of it would make anyone react as you are and as I did. I understand part of the guilt comes from the fact that she’s provided for you in other ways, but you can appreciate and be grateful for that and also feel emotionally neglected, those two feelings are both very valid and can coexist with one another. I think both of us deeply understand that this isn’t something that can be solved by talking to the parent, so the only thing I can tell you is how I’ve learned to look at it differently. The way your mom treats you is probably how her mother treated her as well, and she’s going through her own trauma and she’s just living the only way she knows how. None of that is your fault, but similarly it’s not really her fault either. She doesn’t know how to live any other way. The only thing we can hope to do is break the cycle, we may never have that relationship with our mothers but that doesn’t mean we can’t find it in ourselves to have the empathy to forgive them. And yes, it’s extremely hard sometimes and it’s easy to regress, but looking at her as a victim rather than as my abuser has helped me work through the feelings you’re talking about. Please feel free to message me or leave a message in my inbox any time, I’m here for you if you ever need to talk ❤️
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Fuck it up Scorpio Full Moon
When I tried to assert my boundaries, ask for my needs to be met, & explain why I am the way I am - it was all fine at first.
& then the Scorpio Full Moon hit. I was told I am a hypocrite. & he just dug his heels in even more when I cried for reassurance & the validation I needed to feel safe.
He said his needs weren’t being met & that I never listen to him (I do, and have been making a valid effort but that is his perception unjustified or just he will believe what he wants) which honestly may seem like it but it is my belief that it is because I’m a chatterbox.
If you put me in a room with someone who doesn’t speak much & when I do ask them to speak up more & they still shy away from speaking then I’m not really sure it is an honest assertion to say I don’t listen (bc they choose to not speak much) because of the willful imbalance in our conversations, even when i try to pry it out of the other party. I do try to focus on the other persons issue in the only ways I know how & yes that is by trying to figure out the core of the issue, which sometimes entails astrology, tarot or psychology. I’m sorry that’s all I know how to do. I’ve always been that friend that wants to help resolve an issue, not just listen. I’m not a therapist.
In any case, I have always been too generous, too kind, with weak boundaries (Libra rising, Moon Trine Jupiter). I have tried to communicate my attachment styles in relationships to make the other person understand why I am the way I am & even tried to figure out his. I thought that is what we do? Talk about past traumas to help & understand each other.
All I can say, is never in my life have i been told I was a hypocrite & that I don’t care when it comes to one on one relationships. Never. It was only when I asked for my needs to be met was I told I was selfish. I have never been told I was selfish in my romantic relationships because I never asked for my needs to be satisfied fully & completely in order to feel secure & loved. If anything, I was too selfless, let too much shit slide.
So is it the Scorpio full moon telling me how he really feels? Or just a bump in the road & perhaps taking stress out on me from other things. & by no means am I saying I’m perfect, I am saying I tried so hard to communicate my needs desperately & was made to feel like, oh, this is why I don’t even try, I remember now. Back to no one ever understanding me.
I don’t want to even talk about the things I enjoy anymore. I don’t want to go deep anymore. I’ll play over here in the kiddie pool with arm floaties on where it is safe.
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I really really don’t want to excuse people getting triggered over sexual assault but that’s really not what I saw when I first saw the picture. Idk if you’ve seen it but you can probably find it somewhere on Twitter or on here. I’m sorry if people did get triggered but some people were really doing the most. Like I said, I’m all for calling people out and holding them accountable, but I wasn’t feeling it for this one. We don’t even know the context but people were already calling him a rapist or rape apologist or whatever. It didn’t get really mainstream thank god but it still affected a large chunk of the Glee Twitter fandom so now they all don’t like him. The majority of them are under 18 years old so it’s interesting to me that they dug up this picture from when they were like 10 and started demanding apologies. And the fact that just days ago they were huge Darren fans and suddenly think that he’s a rapist now. I remember it was kind of controversial in 2014 too but I can’t find anything about it or whether it was resolved. As someone who’s been part of stan Twitter since I was 14 and is now 20, I really feel like stan Twitter has gotten out of hand. It feels like 2013 tumblr again where everyone just gets cancelled over and over again, and everyday there’s a new “blank is problematic” post. Which, some things do deserve to get called out but other times it’s taken too far
I don’t know how to say this in the correct way, i’m just gonna say it. I’m 7 years older than Darren. The way we interacted with our friends was just different. I never saw the picture but when it was described, my first thought was “who hasn’t play humped a friend?” I remember a white lady at McDonalds giving my friends and i shit in high school, so we pretended we were giving each other hand jobs and dry humped at the table having loud fake orgasms till she left. 😂🤦🏾♀️ No way we could get away with that now, but in 1997? We got applause.
We can take any photo with no context and make up a narrative if we want to. The truth is it’s none of our business. I always felt for Darren, he got famous just as social media blew up so all his stupid college shenanigans were on social media for people to cling to and create whatever narrative about him that they want. And the sad people in fandom who need the validation of a group will follow along.
I’m sorry you were exposed to Twitter so young. I was 30, and it was too much. I only have it now because i enjoy the community i feel from Black Twitter, and even that can be too much. But stan twitter? It is a plague on this earth that i wish i could Thanos snap out of existence.
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Bro. I need to put a feeling down.
I'm in the trolley and someone got pretty up in my space, nothing rude, but it's still tail end of pandemic and it's the first stranger to sit with me in a WHILE. It kind of pissed me the fuck off cause he was with a buddy he knew who sat across from us, but he didn't just sit with him, he invaded MY space. And I get they were both big men, but I hate having to "give up" my space bc "I'm a small woman". I feel disrespected bc I feel if I was a man and sent the same No signals I sent today, the guy might have fucking moved.
But I also feel really shitty for feeling entitled to the space, which i think is my real problem here. Like, the feeling is true, but it's also true I still need to share this public space. It was understandable and not malicious that he sat with me. It just freaking annoyed me. Bc I felt "I'm n danger" since I "couldn't resist" his intrusion into my space. And that's makes me feel really unsafe, the idea that anyone can come into my fucking space.
And like, I appreciate that Dottie protects me from people bothering us, even if it's imperfect and frustrating or hard to deal with at times.
Yeah, I'm just trying to put this feeling down. I'm off work now and headed home on a rainy day, and i want to enjoy but still feeling fairly stressed about that guy.
I kept thinking he'd get pissed I didn't want to share my spot, that he'd get all mad and be "viciously demeaning about the Truth of my Character". I want to let go others perceptions of me but I m having a very difficult time accepting it, and not still walking on eggshells around anyone I percieved as a threat.
It just sucks so much bc the more work I do on myself, the more I resent how fucking stupid my mom is with us about how we're feeling. It's just unreal ,, and Im feeling -- I'm blaming how I feel on my mother. Bc it feels it must be all her fault for not saving me. That of she loved me, she would have saved me from this pain already. But since I'm in pain, I must not be a person worth saving.
Which is obviously spiking my nerves.
I asked Kai over and I always freak out and it's making me so so fucking mad (at myself). For not being able to be calm or my normal self around a person I care very much for! I'm feeling stressed about Dottie being needy too and feeling too emptied out to fix anything.
I want to put these feelings down. I think what would help me is: this, writing it out to feel validated and not crazy. Maybe a lie down? I'm feeling really fucking stressed about wasting Kai's time, since I invited them over, it feels it's my responsibility to entertain them, but they're intimately close with me so it feels weird AF to wait on them hand and foot.
And I resent DOING shit for /coddling my intimate relationships. It's fucking enabling/infantizing. And so !!! Blah!!!!!!! It makes me so mad when people want to be served & taken care of.
This is mom Feeling, bc she uses us (kids) for chores or shit like getting things when she's sitting down. I LOATHE doing this shit for her, bc she doesn't feel grateful (?). -- bc I feel used and not thought of, as I'm thinking about her.
I'm just so so so scared I'm already her, that I'm already defective and broken bc of her and that I'll never be able to grow out of these toxic ways. It's hard not to hate yourself when I've worked this long and am still here. ...
Hello there, hooman! I didn't quite see you there. How does it feel to be the inferior animal to me in the ecosystem? I hope it's not as tiresome as you people make it seem to be. I always find you weak and fragile, even at your strongest moments. But can you tell? I bet you can't either. My species has a history of supremacy, what does yours? I've heard nothing but sheer disappointing comments from my former generations. Aunt Skye once told me you pet stupid dogs for mere validations of your existence. I can't come to understand how you're always running for appreciation from an animal so dumb that it starts running for literally no reason, if a car passes by. But is it too hard to understand that only our validations count? My forefathers had their statues built, got mommied as gods. And you guys still find your happiness from a beast that watches you having amateur sex and licks your husband's dick when you're giving him a handjob. Come on, Karen!
And look at you, spending your precious time taking a picture of mine in night mode and not enjoying the 'very entertaining' gig that you joined after buying an overpriced ticket. You can't even get in without getting your hand inked and here I am, sitting wherever I want and shitting wherever I want to. But I don't just shit wherever I want to, that's what your kind does. My kind just shits in a litter, and your kind cleans it up. I don't even watch you having sex, I find all of you equally disgusting just as it is. And your faces are very weird when you're doing the deed. How can you not see this? And what's with calling him daddy, Karen? I just saw your father the other day and he's had an heart attack just as I told him that you've started calling other guys daddy! Never liked him anyway, always replied with so many grammatical errors and he sounded pervy. Anyway, you should go check on him more.
Now come on, Lewis! Move back your ass to the ground. I don't feel so good. Give me belly rubs, you peasants!
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I think you’re being a little defensive I understand why you’re so adamant on mdni YOU SHOULD BE but the last anon had a good point and you were being a dick trying to avoid any blame or flaw of your behaviour
That minor is responsible for their actions, they should have never disrespected you or endangered you and your mental health by disregarding clearly set rules but YOU are responsible for your own. YOU are responsible for interacting with them, even if you didn’t begin it, for letting them in the server (whether you invited them or are a mod)
You’re still an adult.
Act like it.
You’re still expected to interact with people respectfully and if you can’t do that, you need to spend some time alone and reevaluate.
That anon was being considerate and kind with the way they worded that perfectly valid question you are expected to answer as an adult responsible for their own actions. They didn’t assume, and frankly I think you should be grateful to them for giving you an opportunity to clarify your behaviour, not deflect and become defensive.
I can't believe I have to break this down for you, fuck being nice.
1) I am defensive because time and time again I've done my very best to keep this kind of shit from from happening. This isn't the first time I've been put in an uncomfortable situation and unfortunately this incident was the worst. The only point I saw being made was them making it sound like I don't do shit to keep this blog safe. You don't know what I've done and you sure as hell don't know how I feel.
2) Shut the fuck up about the server. This is the last and only time I'll be addressing this. THE SERVER WAS SPECIFICALLY ONLY FOR ME AND STELLA. Out of the kindness of my heart I trusted her. Way before ID checks the only thing we asked to cooperate with us is your blog age. Obviously you can lie about that but there's this thing called BENEFIT OF DOUBT. It's the same for you here, how am I supposed to know you're not a fucking minor/apologist ? You are after all going on anon.
3) I didn't put up that post to be shit on, rather to bring light to this and because I don't want this happening to other mods. Sue me for being defensive, I started this to have fun and give free service out of my busy schedule and I get blamed from having someone else fault me? Fuck you and fuck whatever arguments you have, come into the DMs off anon and I'll happily talk to you.
4) I am an 18 year old FULL-TIME student, bite me for being upset and distressed about this. I won't apologise for what I said because it is true. You don't get to tell me what to do after I've spent hours going to the lists of my anons, INDIVIDUALLY messaging people who I deem suspicious, going out of my way make sure I try my best. You don't get to put expectations on me, I don’t serve your entitled ass. I've been more than nice to everyone here. I've had people cross my boundaries and yet I forgive and try to move on.
You are in no position to tell someone how to feel or what to do and say when you were NEVER involved in the first place. Fuck off.
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I'll never understand Dean stans coming at Sam stans reasoning for why Sam is bi when they're reasoning for why Dean is bi is he's a misogynist, he sleeps around and his serial killing is an allegory for being queer. Like it's valid to read Dean as bi (I read him as such too) but some Dean stans really be spouting out the most gross and biphobic takes
On a side note, calling season 10 Sam hair the best hair is blatant season 8 Sam hair erasure
I think the key here is that they don’t realize they’re doing this. If culturally we reason in those terms concerning others’ sexuality, it’s understandable that we’d bring those attitudes to fandom. Like it’s so satisfying whenever we see a conservative politician/religious figure get caught on grindr or some shit! And it’s understood as a reflection of the fervour with which they spout their beliefs. That’s a really neat, satisfying story we can tell ourselves. But it doesn’t change that homophobia & biphobia are in majority perpetuated by cishets. Most likely, a guy who overperforms his gender, sleeps around & treats women like shit is just actually a really crappy dude. & we’re kind of doing a disservice to media analysis (& the way we perpetuate certain pervasive, yet harmful, beliefs) if we ignore Dean’s sexism (+ the abuse of Cas & Sam) in favour of “uwu poor repressed baby”.
Also, one of the reasons why I find Sam Winchester relatable as a queer person is the fact that he feels like he’s always had something “dark” inside of him that set him apart from his family & made him feel odd and unwelcome. & it was a rough deal for him, but he learned to live with it and appreciate it as a part of himself! I really relate to that! but I’ve seen discourse diminishing this parallel to “so you’re saying being queer is a bad thing you have to get over”, which is super uncharitable!
so I’m guessing people in favour of queer Dean and against queer Sam just have like really poor reading comprehension have different criteria that compels them to see a character as queer? and they probably think that our reading of their meta is just as uncharitable as we find their reading of our meta. But of course (and especially since I don’t see Dean as bi at all), I think their analysis is subpar, and overall more harmful than simply relating to a common thread of “black sheep-ness”.
oh & hair discourse underneath uwu (this got really long lmao)
On a side note, calling season 10 Sam hair the best hair is blatant season 8 Sam hair erasure
okay well like i’ve said before i don’t hate the season 8 hair, uwu, she’s cute, but she’s hardly the best hair. people keep assuming i’m ragging on it when i say she’s not my fave but i’m not!!! i just think there’s hairs with better vibes. hers are just a smidge off is all, but she’s hardly the worst (unlike latter s15 hair). like okay:
meet my best friend chelsea she just dropped off her kid at soccer practice we love the same podcasts and also she has a gun ☺️
this is my acquaintance rick. he’s pretty cool! he just released a country pop album tho. we don’t talk about it. 😔
anyways in this home we stan moms <3
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Realistic sex with AOT dudes
warnings: obvious smut, NSFW, kiddos go watch Rugrats or play with your Polly Pockets. No romanticised overly flowery fanfiction here, only actual normal sex like normal people have. Modern!AU (send me an ask saying which one is your favourite)
Eren: he’s been told he’s hot a few times by a bunch of different people and he’s got quite cocky about it. He thinks he’s the shit and anyone would be lucky to get his dick. Very selfish, has a lot of one-night-stands and is always very distant, barely kisses and just goes straight to the point. Probably pressures women into doing shit they’re not necessarily into. Has a very high sex drive and makes that everyone’s problem. In short, don’t mess with him, it’s not worth it.
Levi: very gentle. Sure, he’s a strong soldier made od steel, but his heart is butter. Doesn’t have much of a sex drive, he prefers cuddling. You have to be the one to initiate intimacy, not because he doesn’t want you, but because he’s still a bit insecure about his bruised body, how slow he is... It doesn’t matter because, when it starts, it’s wonderful. He’s slow and steady, gentle and kind and making love to him is serene and calm, like finding inner peace.
Armin: this one was hard because I have a hard time imagining Armin having sex at all, but here goes. He might look innocent and pure, but he’s a little devil. Has a surprisingly high sex drive and loves playing mind games. Thinks sex should be an adventure, all the time, every time. Sometimes, it’s exhausting how he always wants to try new things that don’t even look nice.
Erwin: since he lost his arm in an accident, his confidence in his own performance has gone down. He’s not a very sexual person to begin with, but now he just feels like a burden the whole time. Only wants his dick sucked because it feels less daunting, but won’t eat you out. Very bad at post-sex affection, not because he doesn’t like you, but because he’s just so emotionally constipated. Not the daddy dom people think he is.
Miche: a gentle giant. Dominant, but not in a cringe way. Knows where to touch, how to touch, how much pressure to apply. Fantastic kisser, can read you like a book. Can be rough, but only when he knows you’re 100% in the mood for it and, if you are, he makes sure to check your reactions and never cross the line. If you’re in the mood for deep love-making, he’s got you covered. 10/10 jaw dropping lover.
Zeke: an absolute asshole. But when he wants to, he can make you scream like a bitch in heat. King of teasing, loves edging you, smiles like a piece of shit when you can’t hide your moans anymore. Like Eren, he’s very confident, except Zeke has a reason to be. He’s experienced but not just “I’ve fucked a lotta girls huuhuh”, he really has done it all and knows what you like. Quite rough, which takes you aback at first, but you can’t help but melt against his fingers. Very skillfull, but do not get feelings for him or anything of the sort.
Porco: acts like he’s tough shit, is actually a lost boy. Very inexperienced but makes up for it by being a fast learner. Lives for praise. When he gets confident, he tries a lot of different things and is always looking for something that will make your eyes roll to the back of your head. Loves using toys on you and will eventually ask to get pegged.
Reiner: a nightmare. He’s gorgeous and a sweet guy, but he’s so deeply insecure and fucked up that having sex with him is a chore. He wants validation, he craves praise, but not just a normal “good job”, he wants you to say over-the-top compliments that aren’t even true. Too rough with his fingers, doesn’t know where to touch... And if you try to guide him, he gets petty and moans about how he’s not good enough for you. Has a nice cock, very thick and nice. But other than that, it’s not worth it.
Colt: a sweet boy with a secret kinky side. Loves dressing up in cute lingerie or a maid outfit, for you. Likes to be slightly humiliated. Nothing too rough or cringe, just maybe have him clean up something, touch his butt, call him “pretty”. Doesn’t like anything too rough, just wants to feel good.
Grisha: the king of fingering, that’s all I’m gonna say.
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i have very mixed feelings about dream. i don't really like him honestly, but i do find a lot of the controversy which surrounds his name to be baseless and kind of dumb tbh. and i think there is a very strange hunt against him by a lot of people, for example, a lot of the commentary community fucking hates him lol. with that fabricated video of him saying the n word, the fake racist minecraft name, etc
it's just tough because i feel like he gets so much hate, but for the wrong things. and i swear, if his fans weren't mainly teenage girls, he wouldn't have nearly as much controversy. there are valid things to criticize him about! why are the only things people criticize him for either very stupid or false information! saying i love you to fans, that kitten analogy, those aren't examples of encouraging a parasocial relationship unique to him! he never condoned cp either, like what? why are people like this
Yeah, it pisses me off that a lot of antis have this very warped view of him that isn’t really true to his character or his actions. I really prefer criticisms of him that come from younger people, from people who also like/play Minecraft, from other CCs, and from within the MCYT fandom itself. That brand of antis usually doesn’t just warp shit like the kittens comparison, and tend to focus more on... actual things of substance, so... I kinda just ignore most Twitter antis lmao.
Also, oh my god, please don’t get me started on the misogyny thing, I will literally be here all fucking night if you let me start on the trend of misogyny among people who criticize fandoms that are perceived as largely female, especially if they consist of younger women, christ.
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My head canons - Bunny Suit Undercover Mafia Organization: A Demon Slayer Au [yes you heard me]
Im so fucking pissed everything i wrote got deleted so now i need to redo everything-
So basically I got back into Demon Slayer and I had the idea to make this a thing. And this thing is has no name but its basically “My head canons - Bunny Suit Undercover Mafia Organization: A Demon Slayer Au”
hear me out, this shit is definitely random but I love it so just hear me out. I haven’t thought of everything yet because I’m thinking of stuff as I draw. Yes I’m drawing this, expect this concept to pop up more. I’m basically ctrl c and v’ing this entire AU from a text I sent to my friend [who hasn’t responded yet what a whore smh]
Here are my head canons cuz ya girl is drawing some good ol’ Hashira's in bunny suits.
I've only got Giyuu, Sanemi and Rengoku so far thought because I might make this into a drawing series with 3 Hashiras in bunny suits per piece.
Okay so like bunny suits:
Giyuu head canon:
He loves to show as much skin as humanely possible and is probably one of the sluttiest in the bunch therefore his bunny suit would be really tight/sheer/or little in amount of clothing he actually wears, loves to accessorize as well, his favourite would be the bunny tail because in many of his dances, he loves to accentuate his ass. Would wear basically g strings and mini bras/skirts, Giyuu’s just really proud of his body because his lovers compliment it alot, it makes him feel validated and happy since his efforts are being recognized. So basically his fit is not of the classic stereotypical bunny outfit. Let’s say he's doing a pole dancing gig or somethin, man's will just jump right into the horny shit, he don't waste nobodies time. Man's knows what his business is and will use that bussin bUssy to pop that shit. It's ironic too because I love the tropes where a character is seemingly really reserved but is just the total opposite once they come to like you or somethin.
Sanemi head canon:
This fucking guy is a huge ass tease and he knows it. He most enjoys the slow sensual parts of his routine where he'll take it so fucking slow and make eye contact alot while smirking, lip biting, moaning that kinda shit. He's hot and he knows it so he'll use that to his advantage. So once it finally comes to the climax where he's getting all hot and stuffy and unrelentingly slutty kinda stuff that feeling of finally being the release you deserve after watching his playful ass routine is heavenly. Because of the nature of his style, and his personality along with what I think actually goes well with him, his outfit would be the classy, chic, but also modern bunny suit. definitely accessories but there aren't major changes to his suit because he think he doesn't need decorations to improve his already perfect self. But whenever he does accessorize I know he would absolutely relish having an item to incite more feelings with his routines. Like for say a whip he’ll tie around himself whilst dancing, think of OnlyOneOf’s ‘LibidO’ dance where the performers use a black string as an item. Sanemi enjoys playing around with his audience while looking down on them. Absolute King. I need that energy in my life.
And last but not least.
Rengoku bunny suit:
Rengoku is a very out going person, which gives more reason for his dance style to be hot and wild. His whole dancer type style is elegant, messy but neat, big but not flamboyantly-extravagant-Uzui-style. Its basically best described as a passionate wildfire. He doesn't mind doing teasing or going straight into the good parts, but he mostly prefers to change in between styles, there's never a pattern too its always unpredictable like once more, a fire. His bunny suit would be modest, not so tight, like the titty areas are kind of loose so you would easily get a nipple pic if he bends down low enough, which he would probably allow if you were like Tanjiro or somethin but other then that no pics sir 🙅♀️❌Rengoku will break your nose over his knee and curb stomp you if you take unsolicited pictures. Likes to wear fishnets or thigh highs with a garter belt. His favourite accessory to put on would actually be something like a skirt of any type or a Haori like the one he has in canon demon slayer. just something really flowy as it makes him feel really excited.
That’s all I’ve got figured out for now, I’m pretty hyped for this so expect future works to revolve around this concept. And maybe hey, tell me what you think, give me your own head canons on this little AU if you please!
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Update update update ***** same person same person same person!!!!! I know we haven't been on here and I respect that things have been busy but I wanted to like keep you updated because I'm hoping you'll give me advice because I'm freaking out - so the best friend thing- ￼￼￼￼ I have a shit memory so I don't even know where I left off so I repeat things im sorry..... anyway I decided to kind of stop talking to her for a week not like stop talking to her but I just needed kind of a break OK it wasn't even a week it was literally less than a week also I never posted anything spiteful keep in mind or malicious I just updated my Facebook profile and posted a meme about cats but today I went on Facebook and saw she unfriended me and Unfollowed me on Instagram I'm really confused I thought I was over the friendship but like at the same time I don't know I'm just really kind of all I don't know she's my best friend for three years so I don't know I don't know I'm just hurt kinda idkidk I keep checking to see if you responded but you don't so that's why there's updates all the time 😅￼
holy shit what????? that is a pretty extreme route of her to take. it is very valid for you to feel hurt over that, i would be extremely confused and upset if i was you too. i think at that point i would definitely say something to her to get some closure at least. like thats very confusing. im sorry about her reaction to that.
You know, it's pretty frustrating to see people imply the Northuldra couldn't possibly be Elsa's home, or than she belongs in Arendelle more than she does to the Enchanted Forest.
As someone with similar experiences to her, it's a bit painful, actually. It feels like white people trying to meddle into reconnecting native issues, by claiming she belongs here or there and that she should (or shouldn't) reconnect in certain way, that she simply wouldn't feel comfortable living with them because of the differences of culture and lifestyle, or even implying Elsa should have no connection to the Northuldra at all, or that she's somehow above them and thus unable to truly be one of them. I mean, no offence guys, but I don't think this is your narrative. And I think many of you may not know what it's really like to be in that position. It feels like you're trampling all over us and that's kinda frustrating :/
This is why I could sympathize a bit more with, say, the tag #AnnaIsHerHome, rather than #BringElsaHome. Yes, yes, her family is her home. I do like Elsa staying with her family. Plus, it puts emphasis on her connection to this specific person, her sister, rather than on the colonial State of Arendelle in which she's been forced to assimilate during her entire life. I mean, that whole conceal don't feel shit is assimilation, dude. And it was really cruel and traumatizing for her. I'm not saying she could never have a good life in Arendelle, but honestly, I'm really really happy to see her get a chance to reconnect to the Northuldra and return to her people, because it's something I'd love to achieve some day. Yes, the movie didn't take the time to develop Elsa's connection to the Northuldra. I know, I know. But i think it's undeniable that she is now closer to them than she would have been if she'd returned to Arendelle. Which brings me to the other reason as to why I prefer #AnnaIsHerHome over #BringElsaHome, which is that, it implies Anna may also return to the Northuldra. It implies that both girls coming back home to their people is a valid option. And something that frustrated me about Frozen 2 was how Anna didn't get the chance to reconnect while Elsa (kind of) does. #AnnaIsHerHome just feels like a much more respectful label that allows for many different possibilities, rather than claiming Elsa shouldn't get to reconnect to her people. And, honestly, whether someone gets to reconnect to their people is something for indigenous and mixed people to discuss. We don't need white people deciding who gets to reconnect and who doesn't.
And yes, i know they're fictional characters and this is simply a story. No one is going to die because you write a fix-it fic in which Elsa rejects Northuldra culture and returns to Arendelle for good. Yes, we do have bigger problems. It's simply... annoying. And a bit disrespectful. And I wanted to take the time to explain why the general concept* if #BringElsaHome it's so off-putting to me.
* by concept, I do mean the idea expressed by the phrase "Bring Elsa Home", and I'm not talking about the "movement" or the people who use that tag specifically. While all of the examples listed in the second paragraph are true points I've seen people make (people who align with the #BringElsaHome hashtag), I have also met people who use the tag while being respectful and not invasive. I don't think everyone who uses this tag is racist, or that they mean any harm. I'm sure most people haven't noticed it may be disrespectful towards others, and that's alright, because everyone has different experiences and learns different things at different times. It is something that bothers me and several other people, however, and while I won't point a gun at your head and tell you what to do, I wanted to use my blog to express my own disagreement with certain arguments.
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I need to know about “There's a SIREN loose in the ARCHIVES” (also that the greatest fic title ever). It sounds like a wild ride.
I checked my drafts to see what that one actually was and uh-
I don't think I can write anything funnier than what I've already got.
I may still turn this into a real story someday but until then please enjoy the full, unedited first draft of "There's a siren loose in the Archives!"
A Stranger/Spiral combo wants to get close to and attack the Archivist. It looks like whoever you desire most in the world.
Sasha meets it at the door to the Archives and is like whoa the hot guy from the cafe down the road is here.
"H-hi, are you, are you here to give a statement?"
It says yes, she says Jon's busy, but you can wait in the breakroom?
And she leaves it there to go find Jon, heart racing over actually having talked to the utter bombshell.
Tim walks into the breakroom for lunch and stops dead in his tracks because oh my god it's my ex-girlfriend who I'm still not over.
"Are you here to give a statement?"
"Yes, your coworker is fetching the Archivist for me now."
"So how have you been?"
And the thing makes small talk with him, pretending to be his ex.
Martin walks into the breakroom for lunch, sees them.
"Hey Tim, Jon. I was just going to make some tea, d'you want any?"
And Tim's like. Did you just call my ex-girlfriend Jon?
And Martin's like. Did you just call Jon your ex-girlfriend?
And they're both like. Sasha!!!!
And Sasha comes in like. Oh you guys met Mark from the cafe? He's here to give a statement.
And they're like. That's not the hot guy from the cafe - but man that guy's hot, isn't he? - this is some kind of imposter.
And she's like. What?
Martin: It looks like Jon to me!
Tim: It looks like my ex!
Sasha: Oh shit it must be some sort of shapeshifter!
They all grab knives and stuff. The thing snarls like: Yes and I'm here to kill your Archivist, you can't stop me, you'd never hurt that which you desire most!
And Tim's like shit it's a siren or whatever, it looks like whoever we wanna bang most.
And Martin's like isn't that a succubus? Or an incubus or something?
And Sasha's like stop talking you can't distract us from the fact that you wanna bang Jon.
And the thing's like dude, why do humans always make things sexual, I just said who you desire most, that can mean romantic instead of physical, you humans are so weird!
And they just keep pointing knives at it.
Jon walks into the breakroom looking for tea because Martin's late and Martin's hidden behind Tim and Sasha so he just sees Tim, Sasha, and the thing. And he's like. Tim, Sasha, why are you pointing knives at Martin? I'm sure you've got a valid reason but you're making him late with my tea.
And Martin peers around them, face flaming red, and is like... that's not me.
And Jon's like oh shit imposter! And grabs a knife.
And Tim and Sasha are like oh shit Jon's into Martin.
And Martin's like oh shit they're right I'm totally gonna kiss him once this imposter's gone.
And Jon's like ah fuck I didn't want anyone to know that.
And there's no way the thing can fight off all four of them so it leaves.
And Martin kisses Jon and Jon's like ah fuck it I don't care how embarrassing that was I'm glad it happened.
And everything's good.
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