#always searching for new ways of expressing and expanding his music. However

[king-galaxius]

Prem Joshua - Funky Guru

Prem Joshua – Funky Guru

Prem Joshua – Funky Guru Prem Joshua – Funky Guru Born in Germany to a musical family, Joshua began learning the flute at the age of five, becoming a fine flautist while still a child. As a teenager he was soon performing in various Rock, Jazz and Fusion bands as a flute and saxophone player, always searching for new ways of expressing and expanding his music. However, a musical “discontent”,…

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#a musical "discontent" #always searching for new ways of expressing and expanding his music. However #becoming a fine flautist while still a child. As a teenager he was soon performing in various Rock #combined with his search for the spiritual #Jazz and Fusion bands as a flute and saxophone player #Joshua began learning the flute at the age of five #perhaps inevitably #Prem Joshua - Funky Guru Born in Germany to a musical family #pulled him #towards India - her culture and her music. #Youtube

[honey-andtea1889]

Cinnamon Rolls and Pumpkin Spice

AN: Hi babies! So I am obsessed with Fall and I want to do this with someone eventually because I’m v lonely and want to express my hopeless romantic side to literally everyone on the Internet lol and I chose the song because this is literally one of my favorite songs ever and I feel like it fits so well with this!! Please request things my lovelies! 

Summary: Matthew just wants to spend his one day off with Y/N

Song: I Remember You by Seth MacFarlane

Warnings: Extreme fluff, like might make you puke glitter kinda fluff

Word Count: 1974 (kinda small but still)

October is one of Matthew’s favorite months. He loved the smell of the fresh fall air, the crunchy leaves under his feet, Halloween, and just the overall aesthetic of the season. He also enjoyed the cooler temperatures only because that meant more snuggles from his girl. It’s been hard recently due to filming movies and working on his new book, but you were so understanding of it all. That’s what Matthew adored about you.

You knew that with dating an actor, he’d be away filming movies or tv shows, doing what he loves. That’s what you admired about Matthew. He was so passionate about his work and took pride in everything he did. You were so proud of him and everything he accomplished. Not to say he wasn’t proud of you either. You had been attending college and you’ve been working so hard with your course work. 

One of the props to days like this is that both you and Matthew had the day off together. You both had been working so hard and definitely deserved a break. It was also very rare that the two of you had days off together. Usually, it would alternate which made it hard to see each other throughout the day but you two always made time in the evening to catch up and talk about how the day went.

Matthew woke up to the warm feeling of the Fall sun beaming through the shared bedroom. He rubbed his eyes and yawned as he turned over to you. A smile graced his face as he saw you asleep next to him. He ran his fingers over your cheek as he admired your features. He noticed how your mouth was slightly opened as you breathed in and out. Your hair was a messy due to tossing and turning, dreaming sweet dreams. The blankets covered you comfortably, making you look like a cute little burrito.

Matthew could feel his heart expand and he studied you. Your eyes soon flutter open to be met with his chocolate brown eyes. You smile and snuggle closer to him, feeling his body heat take over you.

“Good morning, Darling.” Matthew whispered, kissing your head.

“Good morning, my love.” You smiled.

You glanced up at the man you are so lucky to call your boyfriend and begin to play with his hair. He chuckles as you continue to tamper with the growing locks that you’ve come to adore oh so much. 

You and Matthew have been dating for almost two years now, which was a huge accomplishment on your end because you weren’t really into the dating scene. He was actually the first person in a long time to have you even consider dating. It was almost love at first sight. the two of you have pretty much been inseparable since. 

Matthew kissed your lips sweetly as you snuggled into his neck. 

“So, what’re our plans today lovie? You choose.” You said as you ran your fingers up and down his chest. 

Matthew sighed contently and thought about the one thing he’d want to do. His smile began to break through as he looked down at you with gleaming eyes. You raised an eyebrow as he bit into his lip. 

“If you want my honest answer, I really just want to stay home with you. maybe we can bake up some stuff and watch a movie! We haven’t really had a day where we just stayed home and relaxed with each other, think we may be long overdue for that.” Matthew grinned. 

You beamed at the idea. 

He wasn’t wrong. The two of you never really had an at home day. Either you were at school or the library and Matthew was out doing actor stuff. It wasn’t easy and sometimes, it became very stressful on you both. An R&R (rest and relaxation) day is just what the Doctor ordered. 

“Okay! Do you want breakfast?” You asked as you shot out of bed. 

Matthew chuckled at your enthusiasm, moving over and planting his feet on the floor. 

“That doesn’t sound bad. But if I can be frank, we do have pancakes and eggs often, can I make a new suggestion?” He asked. 

“Of course baby, I never mind switching things up.” You winked. 

Matthew smirked back at you as he stood up and stretched out his lanky limbs. 

“How about Cinnamon Rolls? My mom could text me her recipe and we can make them ourselves!” he said as he made his way to you. 

You giggled as you took his hand and led the way downstairs into your shared kitchen. You and Matthew have been living together for about three months now and you couldn’t be happier. He had asked while you were having lunch together at a little Bistro down the block from your college. Your heart had filled with so much love that you squealed in the middle of the small café, causing customers to stare at you two. Since then, you’ve made his snug little home into yours. 

Matthew was awaiting the text from his mom while you began to make some pumpkin spice coffee. It was one of your favorite flavors, and with how the weather was, it only made sense to divulge into the sweet flavored coffee. Matthew chuckled at your choice of drink. He didn’t mind the flavor but it wasn’t his favorite. However, he knew how you felt about it, so he never even tried to poke fun at it. 

“Ya know what movie you wanna watch?” He asked, looking up from his phone. 

“I know it’s super corny, but The Nightmare Before Christmas. I haven’t seen it in a while.” You said as you finished making your coffee. 

You took a sip of the warm liquid and sighed happily. Matthew smiled. His phone soon binged, signaling that his mother had responded with the recipe for her famous Cinnamon Rolls. Matthew handed the phone to you. You looked at the recipe and began to grab the ingredients. You began to follow the steps to create the delicious pastry. Matthew watched with attentive, loving eyes. 

Matthew had been thinking about your futures together. He knew he wanted to be with you for the rest of his life, he just wasn’t sure how or when he should do it. All of his friends pushed him to ask, hell even his older sister was wanting them to tie the damn knot. He just wasn't sure when was the right time. 

You slipped the freshly twisted cinnamon rolls in the oven. You cleaned up a bit and went back to sipping your coffee. 

“Do you think they’ll be as good as your mom’s?” You asked. 

“Of course they will, darling. Your cooking is amazing!” Matthew boasted. 

“Well thank you, lovie. I greatly appreciate it.” You smiled. 

Matthew leaned over the counter and pecked your lips softly. You softly placed your hand on his cheek after he pulled away and studied his features. His deep brown eyes were something you could get lost in. He had the cutest little button nose, and his full lips were a dream that you so enjoyed on yours. In your eyes, he is the most perfect human, your perfect human. 

“You know what we need? Some music!” You squealed. 

You turned to your phone and searched for the song that you and Matthew immensely enjoyed. You typed in I Remember You sung by Seth Macfarlane. Matthew broke into a smile as the sweet song began to play through the speakers. 

Was it in Tahiti? Were we on the Nile? Long, long ago Say an hour or so I recall that I saw your smile

You grinned as you slowly swayed to the song. The warm feeling took over you as the song continued. 

I remember you You're the one who made My dreams come true A few kisses ago

Matthew made his way over to you, his arms wrapping around your waist and carefully taking your delicate hand in his. The two of you began to slow dance in your kitchen, the smell of cinnamon rolls and pumpkin spice engulfing the both of you and the sound of Jazz music taking control of the sweet moment. 

The song continued to play as you danced. 

I remember you You're the one who said "I love you, too," I do Didn't you know? 

 I remember, too A distant bell And stars that fell like rain Out of the blue 

You rested your head on Matthew’s shoulder, the smell of bergamot, mahogany, and patchouli taking over your sense. You loved the way he smelled. It was warm and welcoming. He kissed your head as he spun you around the tiled floor. 

When my life is through And the angels ask me to recall The thrill of them all Then I shall tell them I remember you

  Just as the song ended, the oven beeped for the cinnamon rolls, indicating that the pastries were done. You parted with Matthew, grabbing the oven mitt and pulling the cinnamon rolls out. As they cooled, you made the delicious frosting to top off the pastries. Once you were finished with it, you poured the frosting on the cinnamon rolls and quickly cleaned up. Matthew helped himself to one and moaned at the taste of it. 

“Oh my god babe. These are amazing!” Matthew complimented as he took another bite. 

You giggled and grabbed a cinnamon roll for yourself, taking a bite of the warm pastry. 

“Come on, let’s get the movie started.” You perked, taking his hand and leading him to the living room. 

Matthew grabbed the remote and got the movie started. The opening scene to the movie gave you goosebumps as you sang along. Matthew joined you, the two of you giggling once the song was over. 

The final scene came quicker than you thought it would’ve. This scene topped every other in the movie. You were singing along with Jack and Sally, a smile breaking out on your face 

 My dearest friend, If you don't mind I'd like to join you by your side

Matthew quietly joined in as he watched you. 

Where we could gaze into the stars And sit together now and forever For it is plain as anyone could see We're simply meant to be 

The scene ended with the famous Jack and Sally kiss. You looked over to see Matthew staring at you with slight tears in his eyes. 

“Lovie, what’s wrong?” You questioned, scooting closer to him. 

“I love you so much Y/N. I really, really do. I didn’t think I’d be able to love anyone as much as I love you and I think today solidified my thoughts and feelings.” He gazed as you played with his hair. 

Matthew then proceeded to get down on one knee and your breath got caught in your throat. 

“Y/N, I don’t have a ring right now but today with dancing with you and just being with you, I know that I want days like this for the rest of my life. I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?” Matthew smiled as he sniffled. 

Tears ran down your cheek as you nodded quickly. You kissed him passionately. Tears both staining your faces as you shared the kiss. He pulled away and looked into your eyes as he held yours hands. 

“Sorry, I didn’t really plan this out all that well. I just couldn’t wait.” He whispered. 

You sniffled and played with his hair. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” You smiled. 

Matthew grinned and kissed you again. 

From here on out, Matthew wasn’t your boyfriend, he was your fiancé. 

#Matthew Gray Gubler #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #matthew gray gubler smut #matthew gray gubler imagine #matthew gray gubler fluff #spencer reid #dr. spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction

[socratoteles]

A year to get Ph.D in letting go

The last time I was here, I wrote that perhaps it was time for me to go out and just enjoy the world. And amid the global pandemic, I sort of managed to do that. It was such a lifesaver in a year of goodbyes. I`ll get to that, but let me begin with my coronavirus scare.

On March 4 last year, I was away in Bandung, aware but not worried of some obscure virus that triggered a total lockdown in some Chinese cities. That very same day was also the time when my colleagues came in contact with a man who later confirmed of having contracted COVID-19.

That was how close I was of contracting the virus. Had I not taken a paid leave to write last year’s essay in the city where I was born, chances were high that I was another case as well, at that early stage of the pandemic too. I`m still familiar with the helplessness that came after I checked in to a hospital only to being denied the test (the nurse reasoned that the contact with my colleagues, who might catch the virus from the confirmed man, cannot be categorized as close contact).

And that experience, of confusion and fear of infecting loved ones, left a lasting impression that shaped my behavior going forward. After all, it takes a pandemic to make wearing mask and washing hands could made the difference between life and death.

Covid-induced isolation meant that I spent most of my time being holed up in my room for the past 12 months. To this day the side effects of this solitary existence is still beyond my full grasp. On one hand, this situation had brought out my inner resiliency, resourcefulness and adaptability in the long days and night when things were just so dark. On the other hand, it also forced me to deal with unresolved traumas and numerous intrusive thoughts, which I will get into later.

People get really creative during the long locked-down days, spending it doing viral social media challenges one after the other. Videoconferencing become a thing on its own and for some reason loads of folks played a game named Among Us too, perhaps to remind themselves of the interactions cruelly torn apart because of the virus.

There was also a newfound awareness on class too, because the coronavirus disproportionately affected different individuals with different income level. At least on my part, I was lucky that essential workers (the pandemic elevated the phrase into such a buzzword) near my place were safe and somehow never contracted the virus. It is worth mentioning that I definitely cannot survive this long if not for the minimarket workers, ride-hailing drivers and dozens of cooks, all of whom must have worked in long hours, despite knowing the risk, just to keep their families fed.

Others, however, were not so lucky. the SARS-CoV-2 had infected more than a million Indonesians a year after it was officially detected in these shores. Millions have lost their jobs as economic activities ground to a halt. The place I currently work was not an exception. Massive layoffs would have happened in my office had the shareholders have enough money to properly compensate their workers.

It was an obviously eye-opening experience to calculate my own severance pay and make sure I could survive on that for as long as possible. The prospect of losing your income during the pandemic –which should be that particular time for anyone to hold on to their what-ifs money– was really awful.

This is the paragraph where I say that I wish nothing but the best for those who left the company simply because they deserve nothing less than that.

But there was another reason why I signed up for a help from professional therapist last year. In the latter part of last year, things got very, very grim. At the risk of oversimplification, let’s just say that I was unable to express my feelings properly to a girl that I really liked, right at the most critical moment when probably both of us needed support from each other. She eventually left with another guy.

Days before that fateful event happened, I was quietly bearing my own burden. After years of convincing myself that I was okay, I was, in fact, not okay, at least mentally. Years of trauma have caught up. It’s too personal to even spell that out here but I`ll just quote this Youtuber just to describe a fitting metaphor. 

“You see, human identity is like a house of card. One that’s always expanding. A story that is ever developing and always referred back to because every memory becomes a new card. Trauma is when a card doesn’t fit because the experience itself is so painful that it’s incompatible with everything else and if you become obsessed with making it fit the whole house of cards can fall apart and you lose the confidence to build anything new.”

Basically, my house of cards came crashing down, hard. At a time, it reduced me into this insecure soul who were unsure that people will accept me for who I was.

The last time I felt this way was a couple years back when my parent’s divorce was formalized. A girlfriend turned ex-girlfriend at that time too. Apparently, the universe has a cruel sense of timing to combine existential crisis with a relationship one.

The road to recovery was rocky, to say the least. I know something fundamental must be addressed, hence the therapy session.

I`m grateful for the company of my friends, either offline or online. (yes, I had become quite loose in terms of isolation because I know I had to prioritize my mental health; COVID-19 be damned). I`m also glad to say that because I talked with my friends about this issue, some of them were also encouraged to seek professional help.

At the height of my despair, I watched La Grande Bellezza (probably for a half a dozen time already) again and found this quote, spoken by the protagonist Jep Gambardella:

“We’re all on the brink of despair. We can only look each other in the face, keep each other company, kid each other a bit. Don’t you agree?”

Someone was kind enough to upload the entire scene on Youtube.

I decided that all bets are off, so I purchased books, many of which had been on my to-read list for years because I know I`ll have to read it when I search for a catharsis. That was how I finally read the Camus’ Myth of Sisyphus, from which I managed to understand what he meant by the absurdities of life. Into the Wild, excellently written by Jon Krakauer, broke my heart too because of Chris Mccandles’ tales somehow mimicked my own, minus the grand adventure part. I finally read Alan Watts too, from whom I learned that efforts to avoid from pain is painful in itself.

And music, a constant part of my life as I know it, helps too. I was saved because Fleet Foxes released a life-affirming record that fittingly spoke about relief, gratitude, and seasonal rebirth. During the darkest days I was just alone with my guitar in my room, terribly singing out the words that these musicians carved out of their soul to release my emotional burden. I was particularly grateful for being reminded time and again that “no one gets it right” but “we’re all supposed to try”.

I made a playlist containing songs that for me served as a reminder to be gentle for myself. You can check that here.

All of that was a roundabout way to say that I indeed, was able to go out amid the pandemic. On one afternoon I just said fuck it, I need to go out and see things. That led me to a weekly socially-distanced walk around the neighborhood, which was therapeutic in itself because the walks allowed me to be fully present and be sensitive to the sights and sounds and smells around me. Nothing is more liberating that allowing your feet to go where it you to go.

I don’t have the full answers yet, but as I wrote his essay, I`m glad to be able to say that I have rebuild my house of cards, with some of the bad cards included as well. It was quite a bumpy ride but when I looked back, this particular tweet was eerily prescient because it rings true today as was the day I tweeted it.

But I walked away from the depths of that bottomless pit not only with knowledge, but also of understanding the parts that made me who I am. I`m also humbled after I saw the abyss for the second time because it suggests that there might be another time when I found myself on the edge of despair.

I`ll never forget the fact that these hard-won lessons came on the back of years of pain, grief and suffering. But it also came on the heels of moments of simple walk in the setting sun and feeling the breeze on the beach too. In fact, I have made it my mission going forward to acknowledge both good and bad things as they are. Because forcing yourself to remember all the bright things when you were in the dark, and vice versa, is a form of self-torture. I hope this essay somehow do that mission justice.

I have said goodbyes to many things in life as the crisis comes and goes, but 2020 goodbyes were simply different. So much so that I thought I have a PhD in letting go already, however absurd that idea is.

#age #birthday #essay

[chocosvt]

connect universe

⚬ pairing: cyborg!hansol x reader | future!au ⚬ word count: 4315 ⚬ warnings: alcohol consumption, violence ⚬ genres: angst, heavy fluff, elements of a futuristic/dystopian society.

✧✎ synopsis: hansol’s first time at an underground party isn’t what you expect it to be. you want to acquaint him with what it’s like to live normally, but the fabric of his past continues to control him.

✧✎ a/n: this is a side story to connect! i recommend you read the original fic first if you haven’t already (link is here) i rly luv this universe and i didn’t want to just stow it away!! i’ll expand on it more in the future (pun whoops)

You didn’t understand how anyone could look at Hansol and interpret him as someone malignant, someone evil. He was anything but a menace, and during the progression of your relationship you came to realize that his gentle nature was often a curse rather than a blessing. It brought you to ache, because he let people walk over him. Hansol had become so accustomed to brutal temperament that he rarely even lifted his finger to those who refused him and belittled him and reduced him to his bionic parts.

The worst part was, Hansol hated when you defended him. He would crinkle into himself like he’d just heard an ear-piercing scream and then grasp onto your wrist, shaking it, begging you to drop the argument because it was worthless. Even if you didn’t see it that way, his pleading was so genuine and desperate that you had no choice but to swallow the bullet on your tongue. Nonetheless, you practiced everything in your power to make him feel love, to understand love, that it wasn’t some weapon of faked promises but the deepest sentiment you had ever felt. “I know what love is because I have you, Hansol.”

When he first moved in with you, he experienced many nightmares, in which he’d slam awake in bed with his fists crumpling at the sheets, every circuit beneath his skin thundering in a bright, icy blue. His right leg would be jittering so quickly that you feared its bionics might burn out. But Hansol never dreamed of his chiefly horrendous past when you held him in your arms. And so every night you would press his head to your chest, feeling him squeeze around your waist while you stroked through the soft fibres of his hair until he fell asleep. Hansol thought he understood love a little more when you did that.

He was learning news joys and pleasures that he’d been reprieved of while contained in the laboratories.  One evening you found a stray kitten stumbling around through some newspapers in an alley, and brought her home to clean up. But what was most shocking was when you placed the kitten in the sink.

Hansol peered over your shoulder, his eyes violet and beaming lowly. “What is that?” He then asked, flinching slightly when the kitten opened its tiny mouth to squeak.

It was an unprecedented type of astounding. How could Hansol not know what a kitten is? However, the more you spoke with Yoojung’s father (responsible for fixing much of the cyborg’s faulty wiring and circuits) you realized Hansol didn’t know much about being a person. What he did know was fear.

“That’s what happens when you grow up in a lab with a bunch of Metal Surgeons and Circuit Technicians. You never were a person, and you’re not yet a cyborg either. You’re an experiment.” He told you.

And with those chilling words chiseled to the underside of your flesh, you adapted an extra attentive level of care when it came to Hansol. You taught him how to handle the kitten without accidentally crushing it in his iron-reflexes, how to brush her fur and tease her with a small toy and give her baths once she’d roll around in the garden. After coming home from a tiresome day at work, almost nothing else could match the happiness you felt upon seeing Hansol asleep on the couch, the kitten curled in a fluffy ball against his chest. She liked to mush her face against his bicep whenever he cradled her in his firm arms.

“He’s so gentle,” you expressed to Yoojung’s father, “he won’t even kill a spider.”

The man flipped up his welding helmet. He gave you a stern look, as though you should know to speak better, and suddenly there was this sickly pounding of your heart.

“The boy is gentle, and you’re not incorrect to think that. But don’t curse yourself by being naïve. He has that switch in him.”

“So does everyone.” You had countered, a shiver tickling down your neck.

“Not everyone is designed the way he is,” Yoojung’s father reasoned, setting down his torch, “no matter what, Hansol is not entirely human. He is devoid of feeling many emotions to their fullest extent. You can associate sunshine on a rainy day with happiness, but that doesn’t mean happiness is what you feel. A  cyborg knows merely the word, not its sensation. I want you to think safe. Hansol knew anger and violence in that laboratory before he knew compassion. It’s wired into his mechanics.”

That day, you left the garage with Hansol as this enormous lump sat in your throat. You examined the chronicles of your relationship.

Not once had the boy ever gotten angry or displayed contempt. Even when your kitten gave Hansol his first scratch, he recoiled in sadness, confusion, rather than an immediate instinct to be forceful. He asked you what he did wrong, and you had to hug him tighter than ever before while he teared up, because he genuinely didn’t comprehend that it wasn’t his fault, that the kitten just didn’t want to be held at that time. You thought about when Hansol kissed you, how he’d always guide you to lay on your back, just his fingertips rubbing softly against your waist because he was so afraid that you might not want him closer. Of course, you always did, to which he would emanate pink at your encouragement.

“If there ever comes a time when you need to deescalate Hansol, I suggest you pin-jack him.” Yoojung’s father had cautioned just before you left the garage.

“Pin-jack?” You questioned. “What’s that?”

He searched his toolbox and picked up a screwdriver with a flat tip. “Anything that can be inserted into the sensory slot at the back of his neck. If you manage to touch his chip, it’ll momentarily reset his data board. He might be delirious coming to, so you must be careful.”

Pin-jack, you scoffed inside your head as you walked home with Hansol, I’ll never have to do that.

“I think we’re getting close. Yoojung said the portal should be under the Interstitial Bridge.”

Hansol followed you, trusting your judgement as you gleaned the instructions Yoojung had earlier sent in a text message. It was difficult to differentiate much in the nighttime, especially when the Interstitial Bridge was located more toward the outskirts of the Nexus. There was hardly any luminosity apart from the moon and the few blue lightning bugs that sparked between the dark seams. Furthermore, it was difficult for Hansol to understand much of your words when the floodgate had been opened, for the concrete trough that was usually dry and empty was now gushing with contaminated city water.

Just up ahead, you could detect the silhouette of the bridge.

The portal must be under it. You knew it was wise to act quickly considering the portal’s location switched every hour, a simple safety precaution in order to spurn the Stargazers. They always attempted to shut down much of the inconspicuous activity that took place outside the eyes of the Nexus. You were anxious, but excited to say the least. This would be Hansol’s first time attending an underground party. It was extremely difficult to receive an invitation let alone successfully pinpoint an entrance portal unless the host themselves gave you the instructions on how to discover it. Yoojung managed to secure herself an invite, and extended the text containing the portal’s location to you and Hansol.

“I think I see it!” You squeaked triumphantly and grabbed onto Hansol’s hand.

Together, you ran beneath the bridge. Embedded into the misty stone was an oval-shaped hole, outlined in a glowing hue of amethyst. The black centre of the portal seemed to ripple and convulse, and every so often there would be an orange flicker against the blackness. You weren’t sure how Hansol was going to respond to such an environment: loud music, dim, flashy lights, the suffocating closeness of unfamiliar bodies, air that constantly grew thicker with humidity, it definitely wasn’t to everyone’s liking. But you figured Hansol would appreciate your offer rather than insisting he stay boxed into your home, unable to experience anything which may help move him from his self-loathing.

“Have you ever been through a portal before?” You asked him.

Hansol shook his head. “No, never.”

There was a faint shimmer of worry in his eyes. You smoothed a hand down his neck and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his mouth, hoping to reassure him.

“I’m not going to let go of your hand, okay? I promise.”

You stepped into the portal first. It was much like shifting through quicksand, for it was something smooth yet heavy, and the further you pushed into the blackness the colder it felt. Eventually, the portal filled with a blinding white light that swallowed around you, yet you squeezed your eyes shut and persisted, your fingers still interlaced with Hansol’s. No more than a second later did you sense the brightness dissipate, and when you opened your eyes, you were met with the vivacious party. You had emerged underneath a metal staircase, to which there was the loud clattering of heels and shoes walking up and down. When you looked at Hansol, he appeared a bit disoriented, but smiled nonetheless.

“Let’s go find Yoojung.” You whispered into his ear.

The atmosphere was quite intense for Hansol. It seemed as though his mechanics were spinning on overdrive, attempting to process such an influx of sound and warm bodies and scents. He stuck close to you as best he could. He was able to relax upon reuniting with Yoojung, for your touches to his arm weren’t met with rigidity and he even accepted a pineapple cocktail from a whirring hover-disk.

Though that didn’t signify he was completely subdue. A few people had managed to note the code tattooed just in front of Hansol’s ear, and while no one pitched a concerning comment, you could tell the boy had felt uneasy from their blatant, often unconscious stares, how they probed every inch of his body attempting to discover all his bionic scarring and accessories. You tended to pull him away and keep him distracted by the other means pertaining to nightlife and underground partying. For a little while you danced undisturbed, which allowed you to discover Hansol’s great sense of rhythm as he twirled you around and guided your hips and swooped you in close against his chest.

“Are you having fun, Sollie?” You murmured, holding onto his shoulders.

He pressed his forehead to yours, kissed you with a zealous edge of roughness and a smirk. You took that as confirmation, and you danced until it became hard to breathe.

But then trouble seemed to take shape in a form you least expected: Changkyun.

Once you and Hansol rediscovered Yoojung near the bar where she had been sipping a brilliant, lime green beverage, you sensed a pair of fingertips slide up your back and turned around uncomfortably. Your expression quickly morphed into shock when you were greeted by Changkyun’s dreary, smiling face, a heavy stench of alcohol radiating from his clothing. You hadn’t been on the best terms with Changkyun. He was never able to adjust to your breakup very well, and there was a reason Yoojung had also begun to distance herself from him. He smiled at you, mumbled something you didn’t quite catch.

“Changkyun,” Yoojung cautioned, setting down her drink, “I think you should clean yourself up a bit and head home. Minghao can open a portal for you.”

He ignored her. Instead, his foggy gaze was allured to you. “So, I take it you’re still w’Hansol?” He slurred despite the boy standing right next to you.

You didn’t answer his question, repeating, “I think you should go.”

“If I had known you’d throw our whole relationship away just to end up w’someone whose half-metal,” Changkyun scoffed, “I never would’ve dated you.”

Hansol stiffened at your side, his eyes wide.

“Changkyun,” Yoojung snapped, “you need to go. Now.”

“What?” The boy persisted defensively, as though he were innocent, with not one inkling as to why he was being dealt this cold treatment. Changkyun approached Hansol and gave him a slight shove against his shoulders. “How come you’ve got nothing to say Bionic Brain? Did you short circuit?”

Something flickered in Hansol’s eyes, and yet he still didn’t crack, rather he merely swallowed and furrowed his brow. It boggled you that Hansol was able to control his temperament, because you were certainly fuming. You stepped in between them and tried maneuvering Changkyun to the side. He stumbled a bit since his coordination had been utterly shredded by the copious alcohol in his system, though his glare never separated from Hansol. Right when you believed the situation was deescalating, you sighed in relief and exchanged a tiresome glance with Yoojung; however, Changkyun had managed to once again press himself right next to the boy and your heart dropped.

“Y’know what they say,” Changkyun hissed between his teeth, “they made you a cyborg because you never would’ve been good enough as a human.”

And with that, Changkyun gave a rough bump to Hansol’s shoulder. The only difference was that he lost his opportunity to walk away unscathed. This shroud of fear gripped onto you tight, rendered you paralyzed, unable to even wriggle a finger as the indifferent light in Hansol’s eyes had been demolished. Instead, his gaze was blazing. It burst into a bloodied shade of red that you had never seen before. The usually invisible circuits lining his neck and cheek started to glow in the same colour, and as Hansol curled his fingers through the collar of Changkyun’s shirt, pinning him hard against the edge of the bar, you saw that the wires in his right forearm were transmitting signals at tenfold their regular speed.

“What did you just fucking say?” Hansol growled, though you could hardly recognize his voice. It had a metallic, almost vibrational undertone. It was sharper, completely stripped of its soft grit, rife with vitriol.

Changkyun squirmed helplessly, like fresh prey caught between its predator’s jaws. Not even Yoojung was able to move, for she was in the same boat as you, unbeknownst to Hansol’s aggression and the seething hatred that he maintained for Changkyun in his eyes. Somehow, you managed to snap from your trance when Changkyun tried to knock Hansol with a punch, though the cyborg easily grasped his wrist and began twisting his entire arm. You grabbed onto Hansol, attempting to push him away, battering against his side in desperation, begging him to stop with panicked tears glued against your cheeks.

Your ex-boyfriend released a horrible cry, as though Hansol were going to break his bone. No matter what you did, Hansol’s strength was akin to steel, it was unparalleled.

It forced you to confront your only option.

Digging into your pocket you retrieved a small nail file. You didn’t allow yourself to think, rather you braced a hand against the back of Hansol’s neck and dug the nail file deep into his sensory slot, as far as the blunt metal could reach until it touched his chip and there was a blipping spark. Yoojung gasped as the colour suddenly melted from Hansol’s gaze. Every circuit beneath his synthetic flesh dimmed and his arms dropped rather lifelessly to his sides. Changkyun didn’t hesitate. He scrambled his way out from underneath Hansol, his chest heaving, sweat glistening on his temples and fear engrained into his face.

It wasn’t until you pushed against Hansol’s neck in order to withdraw the nail file that you realized how terribly you were shaking. The boy’s grey eyes flickered, and you knew he was going to reboot.

“We need to get him out of here,” Yoojung said, wrapping an arm around his waist, “it’s not good for his database to restart in a setting like this.”

Dropping the nail file on the floor, the tears still wet against your cheeks, you assisted Yoojung in helping Hansol walk. Changkyun had disappeared into the shadows.

Yoojung was able to discover Minghao on the balcony that overlooked the dance floor. It was troublesome guiding Hansol up the staircase since his delirium was so thick. He kept mumbling these indiscernible fragments while odd clicks and beeps reverberated from inside his body. You could feel how hot the metal beneath his skin had become, for even just brushing against his forearm was akin to ghosting an iron skillet. Minghao was the party host, and he had been the one to rearrange the portal. Yet, he didn’t seem eager to reopen another gateway so abruptly.

“It’s dangerous,” he began, his black, smooth suit shining against the lights, “the Stargazers have been breathing down my neck ever since my last terra. I’m a sliver away from getting put back in the Void.”

“I know,” Yoojung huffed, adjusting her grip around Hansol’s waist, “I swear, you can set a time limit on the portal for just a minute. That’s all we need to get him out safe.”

With the long, dark fringe shielding Minghao’s eyes, it was impossible to decipher his thinking. However, you did note his foot tapping against the floor. You didn’t know much about Minghao, apart from the fact he lived sumptuously and had managed to become one of the most suspicious citizens within the Nexus. Yoojung said he would be empathetic. Apparently, Minghao sustained irreparable damage to his left eye while being contained in the Void and her father had to fabricate a robotic replacement.

At last, Minghao sighed, running a hand down his face. “Alright, alright, I’ll open one.” He pulled up the sleeve of his suit. “But—you better get in and get the fuck out. I’m not going back there.”

Locked around the boy’s wrist was a silver titanium band. When he pressed his thumb against a slight groove, a series of amber dots gradually lit up around the bracelet.

“Command: open exit portal at sector D4-East, Z-Underground,” Minghao spoke so naturally, as though he knew the coordinates like the back of his palm, “Command: release at sector B2-West, Z-positive, BR-ITS. Time limit is one minute, zero seconds. Force shutdown.”

Minghao then shone his bracelet at the wall, where an amber beam pierced against the brick and opened an exit portal. Yoojung thanked him at least four times, to which he simply nodded and wished you luck with managing Hansol home safely. You pushed through the portal, sensing the coldness unforgivingly squeeze around you.

You sat on your bed, plucking at the tassels of a pillow in your lap. It was almost three in the morning and this sickness had been harbouring in your lower-tummy ever since the dispute at the bar. A shiver traced like the point of a knife down your spine as you kept visualizing that striking redness in Hansol’s gaze, a redness so harrowing and tinged with rage that you hugged the pillow to your chest for measly comfort.

But you knew it wasn’t just anger: pain, betrayal, the exhaustion of having to lace one’s own wounds while knowing they were going to split wide open again, these sentiments too flashed in that redness. A tear rolled down your cheek and splashed onto the pillow.

Yet there was a timid knock on your door, and you quickly wiped your face. Hansol entered your room. He had been laying on your couch ever since he returned home, allowing his mechanics to completely reconnect with his sensory chip. When he sat uncertainly on the edge of your bed, his right knee was already bouncing and there was a pale blue colouring his eyes.

“Are you feeling better?” You hummed, tracing the pillow’s embroidery.

Hansol nodded, looking at you peripherally. “I’m fine.”

There was an unmistaken coarseness to your voice. It was taking all your strength to not erupt into tears like you had done at the party. The feeling of digging that nail file into Hansol’s neck, jamming it so hard into his slot that his chip had sparked and this lifeless aura overwhelmed him, it made you nauseous.

You sniffled, squeezing the pillow tighter. “H-Hansol,” he turned to you with such a concerned countenance that your chest ached, “I’m sorry for pin-jacking you. I’m really sorry.”

The manner in which your tone warbled was heartbreaking. Hansol shook his head. He etched closer to you and extended his hand toward your knee, but his touch immediately withered away the second you flinched ever so slightly. Hansol felt like he’d burned himself.

“No,” he pleaded, “no, no, no. Don’t be sorry. I’m not mad at you. I could never be.” The ice in his eyes had seldom shone this brightly, and it only seemed to disturb more emotions inside you.

Hansol peered into his lap, then licked his lips and murmured in a shaky voice, “are you afraid of me?”

The question stunned you as though it were a daunting flash of light. Consequently, your mind had become hazy, and you struggled to articulate the words that could capture your every feeling. Hansol spoke up again, to which his right leg had finally stopped bouncing.

“I would never hurt you.” He met your gaze with utmost clarity. “I-I can’t promise that I won’t hurt other people… Just… I would never hurt you, ever.”

Your fingertips curled far into the pillow and you could almost hear the blood pumping in your own veins. There was no doubt he was speaking truthfully. You knew Hansol wouldn’t harm you.

“If I had never used my nail file,” you gulped heavily and held eye contact, “would you have done it? Would you have broken his arm?” Somehow, you already suspected the answer.

Hansol nodded. “I wish I could tell you the answer that would make you happy, but I can’t lie to you. I know that makes you uncomfortable. I’m sorry.”

Tossing the pillow aside, you sat up straight and shook your head. “It’s not about me, Hansol,” you relayed with urgence, “everything about this night is a lot to process. I don’t know anything about your anger, or what being a cyborg entails. But what I know is that you’re hurting. You keep this darkness inside and you shouldn’t.”

“Because if I don’t people will get hurt!” He exclaimed, clenching his fists while the circuits beneath his forearm and cheek illuminated with lurid colour. “That switch is part of me. They designed me to have it and I can’t rid myself of it! ”

You were fortunate to have not one experience with the laboratories. And yet, Hansol had been tainted since he was a child. He experienced the forefront of their cruelty and their invasive experimenting. He was altered and tapered and tested on. Rinse, repeat. Rinse, repeat. Hansol was open about many things exempt from his time at the facilities. His journal was the precious tool that captured his every secret.

The boy then gripped onto his right knee, which started trembling once more, his eyes tenuously flickering into a rose shade. “Whenever I feel like I’m slipping… I think about you, and my anger goes away. But that club—it was so loud, so many distractions, so many people and conversations. My sensors haven’t been overwhelmed like that in ages.”

You leaned forward with a great exhale, your hand curling around the boy’s inner thigh to comfortingly squeeze. “Baby, if it was too much, then you should have said something to me.” Cupping his cheek and turning his head toward you, his eyes were rather glossy.

“I wanted to try it,” Hansol huffed, “I just want to be with you, and do things you like.”

Tracing your thumb below his eye, you couldn’t help but sigh again. For someone with an impressive installment of metal components, his heart couldn’t be any more tender than it already was. You swore that if you poked it, your finger might sink right through as though you touched something impossibly soft and squishy. A shy smile gradually danced to the corners of his mouth as you kissed him once, then twice, then wrapped your arms around his neck and suckled the remaining flavour of sweet pineapple from his tongue. You pressed your forehead against his, studying his face with such ardour.

“We can do things you like too, y’know.”

Hansol sniffled. “I like playing with Ppomo.”

Only a moment later, and your kitten was slipping between the thin gap in the doorway. She leapt onto the bed and mewled in her high-pitched tone, most likely imploring for someone to scratch the black and cream fur behind her ear. Ppomo’s favourite place seemed to be Hansol’s lap (you’d have to agree with her on that one) for she curled up in a small ball while he drew a gentle hand along her back. Resting your head against Hansol’s shoulder, you joined him in the petting until she fell asleep.

You thought about what Yoojung’s dad had drawled on that particular day you visited his garage, hoping to get some of Hansol’s mechanisms tweaked: a cyborg knows merely the word, not its sensation.

But you didn’t think that was necessarily true. Instead, you believed it was more accurate to say that Hansol could pinpoint many sensations, he just didn’t know what they were. He learned it was love when you held him and kissed him, happiness when he made Ppomo purr, excitement when he twirled your body in a breathtaking circle before pulling you into his chest on the dancefloor.

And you intended to teach him the name of every sensation that allowed him to feel so wonderful.

✧✎ a/n: awhile ago i answered an ask abt my expansion of the connect universe so if that lovely human reads this, i hope you liked it!! i’m not really sure where these fics into hansol’s attempts at human life will take me. 

maybe i will write an entire fic that details his time at the laboratory... i’m not sure yet!! in the mean time i’m trying to write this mingyu summer fic which i wanted to write last year, but ya... dreams crushed didn’t happen :_) ANYWAYS I HOPE U LOVE CYBORG!SOL AS MUCH AS ME he just wants to pet his kitten!!!!

#seventeen scenarios #svt fanfic #vernon scenarios #hansol scenarios #seventeen vernon #vernon angst #hansol angst #seventeen fanfic #seventeen angst #vernon fluff #svt x reader #vernon x reader

[cats-obsessions]

The Survey Never Lies

Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion Modern au, something fluffy

Read on ao3

Summary:

Jaskier convinces Geralt to try Speed dating. The results are not what either of them expected.

----------------------------------

Geralt isn’t exactly sure what possessed him to agree to this. It’d been a rough past few months, with contracts being few and far between, and when they came, they were truly the worst. To say that this dry spell had extended to other areas in his life was an understatement; even Yennefer was able to move on by now after their latest, seemingly permanent, breakup. ‘Move on’ might be an understatement- enough time had passed for Yennefer to go into full-blown party mode, get over it, begin a new and honestly adorable relationship with their mutual friend Triss, and make up with him to the point of being hostile friends again.

That is to say, it has been a long time.

With next to no money and even less company, even Geralt could admit he has been feeling down. And yet, of course, Jaskier was always there right beside him through it all. It was always that way. Which is precisely why he got himself into this mess.

Initially, when the troubadour had suggested they try speed dating, Geralt was quick to strike the idea down. He’d already gone through the pains of using that awful dating app at Jaskier’s insistence, and he wasn’t about to have a rerun of that disaster. But then, Jaskier started to frame it as if he was the one that needed a date, and Geralt accompanying him would just be a favor- just to keep him company if it was boring, and to keep him safe if things went wrong. Geralt knows that was just a ploy to make him go, but between that and big blue puppy dog eyes, he found himself reluctantly agreeing.

Jaskier did not, however, tell him how horrible it would be. ‘it won’t take long’. Bullshit. Over an hour of small talk with strangers, and Geralt feels like he wants to crawl out of his skin. The establishment isn’t the finest, either. Everything is cheap- 90s music playing on shitty speakers grate on his eardrums, dimmed florescent lighting and fake candles on every table make it feel morel like a pizza parlor than a romantic dinner. And then there’s the people.

They’ve been paired into groups based on some benign personality survey they were forced to take when they got there, then paired off for short conversations. Five-minute sessions are timed on a buzzer, each blessed ring marking the end of the conversation, and bringing with it another stranger. They’re awkward at best and insufferable at worst.

It’s Geralt’s personal nightmare incarnate.

The best conversation he’s had all night was about one woman’s five cats. The worst was probably when a man tried to lean across the table and grab at his medallion without asking and Geralt found himself releasing an inhuman snarl before he could stop himself. The poor guy ended up hiding in the bathroom for the remaining duration of their five minutes, but that’s what he gets for trying to touch people, especially a witcher, without asking.

Even the cheap beer doesn’t make it better. When the timer dings, and all the participants in the room begin to shuffle to new tables, Geralt takes a moment to look down at his glass, taking a long, long sip of tasteless beer. By the time he has glanced up again, Jaskier is seating himself across the table, wine glass in hand. The bard flashes him a toothy grin, leaning in closer, propping his elbows on the scratchy, off-white tablecloth. As per usual, his button down shirt is left undone far too low, exposing a far too distracting patch of chest hair that Geralt most certainly doesn’t stare at, nor do his eyes slowly trace up exposed skin of his collar bones and neck to the slight blush tinging his cheeks.  

“So, how’s it going, my friend? Found the new Mrs. Rivia, or Mr., though, I suppose it’s not guaranteed he’d take your last name. Not that it’s guaranteed with a woman, either. You could take her name. Though, I do like yours- better than my own, actually.”

Geralt glances away, trying his best to hide his smirk at Jaskier’s prattling, “Hm.”

“Oh, come on now, use your words. We’ve talked about this. You’re not going to find someone when I’m the only person that understands your unintelligible grunting.” Jaskier chides, though it is true. Somehow, over the years since they met in that shitty bar in Pasoda, Jaskier has come to understand the witcher well- better than most. Where other humans shy away from him, Jaskier became stuck to him, following him on hunts and writing songs about their adventures- reluctant at first, he’s now thankful for the bard.

Geralt sighs “This is hopeless, Jaskier.”

“No, it’s not!”

“It is. They’re all- ugh, I don’t know.” Geralt rubs his hand over his face, “They’re all either freaked out by me or oblivious to what I am, and they just talk about their normal lives and normal jobs and- and how Geofry from accounting fucked things up again, while I’m sitting here thinking last week I was swallowed by a fuckin’ kikimora. I don’t fit in here.”

“That was horridly disgusting, but lots of people are into adventurous men. What about Eveline? She seemed amenable.” Jaskier gestures to the woman a few tables down with long red hair. Yes, she had found Geralt attractive, in dim lighting which hides his scars and expands his pupils into circles rather than slits, but that doesn’t translate to companionship, or even a night of fun. Yet, Jaskier is always the optimist, “There’s still hope yet!”

Geralt shakes his head “Easy for you to say. You don’t need to go speed dating to find someone. Everyone likes you.”

“As flattering as that is, I think, there’s nothing wrong with speed dating. Anyone who isn't interested in you is a fool. Besides, it's not always that easy for me! I’m looking for something a bit more committed this time. Not that I didn’t have great affections for my previous romances. Just…” Jaskier trails off, tongue sticking out slightly as he looks for the right terms.

“Momentarily and in measured amounts?”

“Mm,” Jaskier hums in agreement.

“Infatuation has to wear off some time.”

“So I’ve been told. Seems some hang around longer than others though,” He mutters. He casts his eyes down as if in thought, his ever-moving hands finding the rim of his wine glass, a long finger tracing it in a way that emits a high-pitched noise the musician likely isn’t even aware of. Geralt grunts, frowning slightly as he grabs Jaskier’s hand to remove it from the glass. The bard lets himself be moved easily, fingers warm and inviting under the witcher’s touch.

“Noise,” he grumbles.

Jaskier smiles apologetically, “Ah, witcher hearing. Sorry, my dear.”

His fingers tap on the tabletop, looking for something to fidget with in the wine glass’ absence. He finds the long-abandoned conversation que cards so kindly provided by the event’s organizers, as if they knew rightfully well how miserably uncomfortable this predicament would be.

“Have you looked at these at all tonight?” he asks, picking them up to glance through them.

“Tried not to. They’re deplorable.” Yet, the well-worn corners of the cards attest to how many attendees truly rely on them.

Jaskier smiles coyly “You’ve been showing people pictures of your lovely lady Roach again haven’t you?”

“Maybe” he blushes, both of them chuckling. “People like horses”

“Mm, that would only be a good pick-up tactic if she didn’t bite strangers.”

“She’s shy.” He defends, though he knows she’s not. She’s just picky; she’s never tried to bite Geralt, or Eskel or Vesemir for that matter. These days, she likes Jaskier enough to let him ride her when they visit her stables at Vesemir’s farm.

Jaskier glances to the clock, red numbers counting down the seconds until he will be subjected to yet another stranger. “We still have a bit of time, want to try these dumb questions?”

“Is silence not an option?” Geralt groans, though not without the hint of a smile on his lips.

Jaskier swats at him lightly, ignoring the comment. He flips through the cards, reading a few under his breath “What color is your personality? That’s dumb- yours is blue, obviously, and mine is yellow. Hmm, Ah, here’s one.” Geralt tilts his head, waiting “Describe your best friend.”

He can’t help but snort at that “Annoying.”

“First of all, rude. Second of all, appropriate answers could have included handsome, funny, talented, brilliant, loyal” Jaskier counts his claimed attributes on his fingers, likely to go on forever lest Geralt interrupt.

“Reckless, frivolous-” He jumps in, a teasing, toothy grin on his face.

“Fun. Fun is the term you’re looking for. It doesn’t matter though. I know you adore me.”

There’s too much truth in the words; though he wouldn’t hesitate to call Jaskier his friend -his best friend- adoration is a strong word, a word unknown to many witchers. Yet, he can’t deny the way Jaskier makes his heart fill with warmth, makes him feel alive and safe like he never has before. But that is something he’d much rather keep to himself. Geralt looks away, surely blushing as he lets a curtain of white hair falls in front of his face, hopefully hiding the pink tinge.

Jaskier watches him quietly, that soft warm expression in his eyes that somehow seems to be reserved for the witcher. A moment of silence passes before he snaps out of it, only a few seconds left on the clock “Wanna get out of here?”

At that, Geralt perks up, “I could use a real drink, but what about your search?”

“I don’t think I’ll find the one in this crowd,” he says, looking out on the group, a disappointed little pout pulling at his lips for just a moment before he turns back to Geralt, ever bright smile returning to his face.

Geralt nods, standing up and slipping on his jacket in preparation to leave. He catches Jaskier’s eyes roaming over him for a moment before the bard diverts his gaze, catching his lip between his teeth. Geralt does his best to focus on anything else. Whatever warmth or fluttering feelings it may give him, he knows he’s just imagining his friend’s interest.

They almost make it out with everyone around them shuffling to new tables. But, of course, they’re stopped by the group coordinator. They’d met him when they came in- a young man far too invested in this program, reciting his company provided lines with an unnatural enthusiasm.

“Looks like you two are having a good time. I’m glad to see some real sparks fly tonight! Sneaking off already?” the man grins, a little too much, as he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh, we were just-” Jaskier begins, laughing slightly under his breath.

“No, don’t tell me- for liability reasons and such. But good news!” he exclaims, “According to our survey, you two are our most compatible couple of the night, and the survey never lies!”

“Of course, we-” He’s cut off again, and next to him, Jaskier cringes.

“Which means, if you’re interested and it certainly seems like you are, you have won our luxury romance date package!”

“I think there’s been a mis- Sorry, what?” Geralt stops as the boy pushes a bright pink, sparkling gift card into his hand.

“$200.00 to the White Orchard, free drinks included and guaranteed reservations within the month. All you have to do is go together, have fun, and discover the romance of your lives!” The boy’s smile doesn’t falter as he continues to speak. “I’m legally obligated to tell you we have not run background checks on anyone.”

“But we’re-” Jaskier tries to speak, but not before Geralt can stop him.

“Excited!” Geralt grins, grabbing Jaskier’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “Thank you!”

$200 is $200. He’s not about to let the first chance he’s had at a fine dinner in who knows how long go by because of Jaskier’s big mouth. So, with that, he leads the bard outside, their hands still firmly grasped together, and pointedly doesn’t think about why his thumb is rubbing circles into the back of his best friend’s hand. Nor does he consider how well their fingers fit together. He certainly doesn’t notice the disappointed pang in his chest when their hands separate as they step out into the cold night air outside.

One glance between them and their prize, and neither of them can stifle their laughter. “I can’t believe you almost said no to the nicest restaurant in town.” Geralt chides, elbowing Jaskier lightly as they begin to walk home.

“I can’t believe it either. It’s like the offer didn’t register in my brain yet.” Jaskier chuckles.

Geralt rolls his eyes at him “Seems to happen a lot.”

Jaskier deliberately ignores him, instead leaning over his shoulder to look at the gift card, still cradled in Geralt’s hand “It is ‘luxury romance’” Jaskier snickers, “We may have to keep up this act a bit longer.

“Apparently it’s not too difficult.” Geralt sneers “Some survey. Of course, we match; we spend all our time together.”

Jaskier’s chuckles quiet down, a silence hanging between them as he seems to think it over, “I have known you longer and more deeply than any other in my life. There’s no one I’m more comfortable with.”

“And I you.” He doesn’t often admit such things, but somehow in the silence of the night, with the way Jaskier had stated it so gently, he can’t help but know he truly means it when he agrees. After the silence becomes too heavy, Geralt clears his throat “Anyways, it’ll be fun.

“Yea, fun.”

Somehow, Jaskier’s voice comes out flat, preoccupied. When Geralt glances over at him, his lip is caught between his teeth again, his face scrunched in deep contemplation. It’s not a long walk back to their apartments, their complexes within walking distance of each other. Geralt doesn’t push, silence between them doesn't normally bother him after a night of so much noise. But try as he might, he can't help but wonder if Jaskier is bothered by the implication they were- could be a couple. Instead, he tries to focus on the sounds of the city, cool air blowing around them, leaves crinkling as they skip across the cement sidewalk.

When they approach Jaskier’s apartment complex, they stop in front of the old brick stairs leading inside, and Geralt waits for either an invitation inside or a declaration that Jaskier has changed his mind about drinks. He looks… uneasy. His hands are shoved into his pockets, and he shifts back and forth on his feet.

“Um, Geralt?” Jaskier says, voice uncertain for once.

“Hm?”

“I, um,” Geralt barely has time to see Jaskier stop biting his lip before suddenly his lips are on Geralt’s, his hands in his hair, caressing, not forceful. The witcher could pull away without much of a fuss, but he finds himself pulling Jaskier in by his waist, holding him tightly as if he’s afraid he’ll lose him if he lets go.

The kiss is equal parts gentle and desperate. He feels like he’s on fire; he feels like there’s electricity running through him, between them, and- and butterflies in his stomach, for maybe the first time in his life. It’s all so new and different, but he finds he doesn’t mind- not one bit.

When Jaskier pulls away, he finds his head feeling light “Jask,” he breathes lightly, their noses bumping each other lightly.

“Sorry, I-” Jaskier moves to step back, a spark of caution and panic glimmering in his eyes, as if he hadn’t felt Geralt’s desire in their embrace. “I thought-” he begins, but Geralt pulls him back in.

“I didn’t say stop.” He smiles softly, bringing up one hand to cup Jaskier’s cheek. It relaxes the bard, all the tension melting away to be replaced by a mischievous smile as the witcher pulls him into another kiss.

****

Rays of morning sun beam through the windows of Jaskier’s apartment, illuminating every inch of it. Below, the city is bustling with noise, but here, things are peaceful. Geralt woke up first, no surprise there. He would have been more than content to stay in bed all day, wrapped tightly in his lover’s embrace- the thought of that word describing Jaskier brings a smile to his face. But cursed with his witcher metabolism, he was dragged out of bed by a growling stomach.

Rummaging through Jaskier’s kitchen for breakfast, he barely notices the other man enter the room. When he turns around, Geralt is met with striking blue eyes watching him intently as Jaskier leans against the counter, dressed in his boxers and a hoodie he’d stollen from Geralt long, long ago. Geralt chooses not to dwell too much on the thought that he’s been sleeping in it all this time- for now, anyways.

“What are you so smug about?” Geralt grins, abandoning his task to invade Jaskier’s space.

The musician smiles, unabashedly staring as he runs his hands over Geralt’s exposed chest, settling above the hem of the sweat pants he snatched from Jaskier’s closet this morning, “Who wouldn’t be smug after getting a boyfriend as beautiful as you?” Even though they kissed all through the night, Jaskier’s lips on his send a shiver down his spine.

“You know what they say.” Geralt murmurs, kissing his way down to Jaskier’s neck.

As he presses dark marks into the pale skin of his throat, Jaskier only breathlessly hums in response “Hm?”

“The survey never lies.” He quotes mockingly.

Jaskier snorts, shoving at Geralt’s shoulder playfully, but the witcher doesn’t budge, only nuzzling in closer against his neck. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“Very.”

#geraskier #geralt x jaskier #geraskier fic #fanfiction #my stuff #modern au #fluff #drabble #idk how to tag things #Geralt and Jaskier go speed dating and omg who wouldve guessed their best match was each other #oh gosh please let the read more button work

[sombreboy]

Love Maze »15

Previous  » Next Series Masterlist ▎ 18+ ▎ pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ▎ genre: School AU, crack humor, smut, angst, ETL, slow burn, fluff. ▎ word count: 8.1k ▎ ch.warnings: cursing, homophobic slurs (censored), angst, they have another argument smh these boys never catch a fucking break

Co-writer: @velvetwicebang​​​ ♡♡♡

The early morning’s blinding rays invited themselves in through the curtain cracks in Jungkook’s bedroom, landing on a sleeping Taehyung’s puffy face.

The elder’s distracting snoring bounced off the walls of the room, not bothersome to him as he peacefully slept through the noise. Honestly, it was a surprise how much Jungkook was immune to the sound..

The one noise that always did manage to wake Taehyung up, however, was the familiar ringing of that goddamn alarm clock.

As per usual, Tae went through his daily routine consisting of whining about how he’d been pulled out of his slumber, begging Jungkook for a few more minutes, cursing out early morning practices.. same old.

“I’m gonna skip out on showering this morning..” Taehyung drowsily mumbled into the pillow, desperately seeking for a few extra minutes. His body was sore, and Taehyung was one of those people who needed eight hours of sleep.

“Wake me up when you’re done, will you?” A small pause, followed by a raspy, “I love youu~”

Jungkook drowsily turned off the alarm before groaning, for once he didn't actually want to leave his bed.

''You sure?'' he sat up properly, hand reaching over to stroke the elders back carefully, the sudden verbal affection from his boyfriend still surprising-- yet welcomed. It was something the younger needed a little time to get used to, and it made his chest flutter every single time.

''Love you too~'' He cooed back, giving Tae's ass a soft pat before getting out of bed, completely naked from last night. he rummaged through his closet for some clean clothes, stretching the joints in his body before slowly heading towards the bathroom.

Jungkook winced lightly when the hot water hit the scratches on his back, but quickly got used to it as he stood there for a while, washing up and losing himself in his thoughts, everything from what had happened yesterday to Jisoo. He really owed her an apology for not coming back...

When finished, Kook ruffled his wet hair before patting his body mostly dry and throwing on his boxers and sweatpants-- leaving the shirt off to head back to his bedroom. He walks over to the small mirror hanging on the wall, turning his back towards it to check out his back.

''Wow you've got some claws.'' He chuckled before crawling up on the bed to lay down next to Tae again, nuzzling his nose into the elders hair, ''Wake uuup....~''

Taehyung slothfully stirred in his spot, groaning out in groggy distaste when he felt the bed dip, signaling that his boyfriend was out of the shower.

“Yah..” He turned his head to the side, cheek pressed against the pillow whilst his eyelids hung barely open, “you yourself said I have some claws, don’t make me use them..”

Tae contemplated life for a few more seconds before giving in to his boyfriend’s soft pleads, sitting up on the bed with a loud yawn, hands busy rubbing the fatigue out of his eyes.

God, school hadn’t even started and the elder was already dreading stepping into those halls.

''Maybe I liked it..'' Jungkook wrapped his arms around Taehyung to pull him closer into a hug, pecking kisses against his cheeks to annoy him in his sleepy state.

''We have to get ready, like, right now!'' He pressed one last kiss on his lips before getting off the bed, grabbing a snug, black long sleeve to pull over his torso.

Taehyung slowly made his way out of bed, butt-naked as he searched for last night’s clothes.

Thankfully they’ve dried up quite a bit, but the rain’s aroma still lingered in the fabrics.

The elder wasn’t especially thrilled to waltz into school looking.. like, well, put together.

But he didn’t want to bother Jungkook, so black, tight jeans would have to do.

Tae stared at his reflection in the mirror, quickly running his fingers through the waves. He grimaced, nothing seemed to tame the wild curls.

“Fuck it.. let’s go,” the elder fished for the keys in his pocket, throwing on his shoes— double-knotting the laces like always.

Once he got in his car, Taehyung nearly had a heart attack.

That goddamn stuffed animal. It was smiling at him through the rear view mirror.

Shit, he still didn’t know what to do with it.. did Jungkook still want it? Does he throw it in the dumper?

Maybe he’d give it to Jisoo, something told him that Yuna would love it..

Jungkook quickly followed, ignoring the fact that the bear was mockingly smiling at him as well as he sat down. He clicked the seatbelt on before patting Taehyung's thigh reassuringly.

"Don't worry too much. I'm not angry anymore, okay?" He nudges his chin towards the bear.

"I don't really want it...." he felt kind of bad for saying it, but he knew he wouldn't be able to stand staring at it after what it is associated with.

"But we could give it to noona?" He mused-- he still owed her a fucking apology. Maybe this would serve as an apology...

"Anyway...don't worry about that. Let's go." Jungkook sunk into his heat, eyes focusing back ahead.

Taehyung sighed, but nodded nonetheless. He didn’t blame the younger for not wanting to keep the stuffed animal. Truth be told, Tae himself wouldn’t be fully comfortable with seeing its cheery face every time he visited Jungkook’s apartment.

One, it was creepy as fuck. And secondly, it was a mere reminder of his selfish doings.

Taehyung just... he wanted to move past that. He wanted to do better, for his boyfriend.

“Yeah,” he started the car, “noona’s kid would probably like it.”

~

Practice was over in the flutter of an eye— thankfully. Tae didn’t know how much more physical activity he was able to bear with a noticeably sore ass. It was a blessing that he managed to keep his nonchalant facade intact for so long. Trying to act like his boyfriend didn’t just make sweet love to him last night was hard..

Sweaty from working out, Taehyung briskly stripped out of his practice attire, using his jersey to wipe at the dampness on his glistening neck.

“Tae, should I be concerned?,” Hoseok looked, well, concerned.

“What’s up with the giant teddy bear in the back of your car?”

“Yeah, Chim and I saw that too.” Yoongi casually chimed in, pointing over at a half-naked Jimin who was busy typing away on his phone, deaf to the chatter surrounding him.

Taehyung—who was growing annoyed by the topic of that stupid bear— simply brushed it off. “it’s for a friend. She has a little girl, so..”

As if knowing exactly whom it was for, Namjoon defeatedly shrunk in his spot, too much of a wuss to make eye-contact with Jungkook.

He wondered if the younger was still mad..

Sitting in their usual lunch table, they talked about a plethora of topics. However, the newest conversation specifically aimed at Jimin; everyone wanting to know what was keeping the latter so invested.

“What’s got you so hooked on that phone, Chim?”

“More like who..” Hoseok teasingly nudged at his friend’s side, encouraging him to spill it out. Jimin was extremely defiant at first, but his hyung’s loud presence wasn’t something you could just ignore.

“Nothing.. it’s stupid, but— long story short, I downloaded a dating app.”

A series of “oo’s” traveled around the table.

“Oh yeah? Did you meet a girl or something?”

Jimin turned to look at Namjoon, expression so distraught yet.. confident. With a soft exhale, he corrected the elder.

“Actually.. It's a him. His name’s Mino.”

Taehyung abruptly stopped chewing on his cereal, sharing a curt glance with his boyfriend.

“Mino..” Jin pondered out loud, “like the rapper from WINNER?”

“Obviously not, hyung.” The younger rolled his eyes, a bit frightened by the lack of words.

Seeming to notice his distress, Yoongi softly encouraged Jimin to expand on it further— after asking if every single one of his friends were gay.

“I don’t know, we’ve only talked for a few hours.. but he’s really cool. Sweet, too— oh, and he’s also obsessed with strawberries, just like you Tae!”

The boy’s eyes lit up at the topic, obvious to all he had a massive crush.

“Yeah? What else do you know about the guy.” Taehyung took a bite of his strawberry, interested in knowing more.

Finally growing more comfortable, Jimin’s shy smile resurfaced.

“Uhm.. he’s twenty-three, and he teaches little kids. How cute is that? He’s into video games, if I remember correctly.. Animal Crossing is his favorite. Halsey! He enjoys listening to her music... also, he’s really pretty.”

“Damn, Jimin. Just marry the guy already..” Jin snickered.

“Chim’s whipped.”

The subject of the matter pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Am not.. it’s just— ah, he texted me!”

Taehyung snorted in amusement, shaking his head before looking at Jungkook.

“Wish you’d text me more. You’re a horrible texter, you know.”

Jungkook's eyes had been balling back and forth during the conversations, from half-glaring at Namjoon (even if he'd calmed down, honestly--Namjoon was just a clutz. She seemed fine... he hoped.), to his gaze softening at the way Jimin was swooning over his new crush-- a boy, even!... The way his eyes lit up was heartwarming.

Then, during his entire daydream, Taehyungs words burst his little bubble. The younger breathes out a chuckle through his nose, nudging his boyfriend back.

''Why would I text you when you're with me every day?'' He wrapped an arm around Taes shoulder to pull him closer with his strong arm-- from any outsider it would simply look friendly. ''Or do you miss me that bad during class too?''

 Taehyung kept his eyes trained on the tray in-front of him, mindlessly picking at his cereal as a distraction from Jungkook’s hold.

Now that their friends knew about their relationship, they didn’t miss the opportunity to coo at the couple-y sight.

As a natural response, his cheeks got stained with a rosy pop of color. Tae shrugged out of his boyfriend’s grasp, though, a petty attempt to seem unfazed.

“Duh..” He sassed, aggressively munching on his buttered toast.

“Why else would I send ‘everyone here sucks, kinda wish you were here’ texts? And you know how you repay my affection? By leaving me on read.”

Taehyung childishly huffed, coming across as needy for the younger’s attention.

Jungkook withdrew his arm and flashed a toothy grin towards the elder, shrugging as well in response.

''I will reply next time, promise.''

He glanced at the clock, ignoring the repeated cooes from his hyungs.

''Speaking of class, it's almost time to go,'' He nudges his boyfriend once more.

''I'll make sure to check my phone often then, but don't expect me to be glued onto it like Jimin..'' He jokes, the rest of the group snickering-- however Jimin remained unfazed, too caught up in his own little bubble that is his cellphone.

As they all separated to go to their respective classes, Jungkook sat down by his desk, placing his cellphone by his stack of books, only paying the lecture half of his attention as the other half was constantly glancing over at his device. This time he would reply.

A few minutes into the lecture, Taehyung already had his cellphone in his hands.

His boyfriend’s contact was displayed on the screen, a picture he snuck of Jungkook sleeping set as the younger’s profile.

Biting at the corner of his bottom lip, he began typing away, curious to see how fast it’d take Jungkook to reply.

To: Kook🐰🤟🏼 i’m trying to pay attention in class but my ass is still sore 😒 be glad I love your big dick just as much as I love you 😙

Jungkook picked his phone up much quicker than he'd like to admit, swiping the one sided wall of previously sent texts sent by his boyfriend. The last text received made the younger's cheeks flush in pink along with the small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

He immediately began tapping at his screen, a foreign concept to everybody who caught a glance at jungkook in the classroom.

To: Tae🐯💜 Haha... you took it pretty well. Maybe next time you can give me the same treatment🥴 now I can't pay attention either... love you!

The elder chuckled— a bit too loudly, but he brushed it off as a cough.

To: Kook🐰🤟🏼 maybe.. 😏 if you keep replying I might just have to give you a big surprise

Taehyung sat his phone down, but the emptiness in his hands didn’t last long. Soon enough, he was back to texting Jungkook.

Tae wasn’t fully pleased, the sudden drive to see his boyfriend was too overpowering to ignore.

To: Kook🐰🤟🏼 actually, meet me in the secret spot behind the school?? ‘m needy for a kiss

“Uhm, Mrs. Jung?” Everyone’s head swiveled towards Taehyung, “can I use the restroom?”

The elderly teacher seemed to think about it for a while, the creases in her forehead wrinkling even further as she visibly frowned.

“Sure. But be quick.”

The boy nodded, sliding back on his chair before practically jogging out of the classroom, excited to hold his boyfriend.

Jungkook held his promise of replying once, but didn't even bother sending anything else, his phone shoved back into his pocket as he excused himself. As soon as he left the classroom, he too sprinted towards the hidden spot behind the building. If he had this kind of speed during practice, he surely would have been deemed the golden maknae all over again.

Jungkook rocked on his feet as he waited for his boyfriend, actually fishing up his phone for once to send a quick text.

To: Tae🐯💜 I'm here!! come!!! T3T

“Maybe next time I can give you the same treatment, huh?” Taehyung’s cheeky smirk shifted into a genuine smile when he approached Jungkook, teasingly recalling what the younger had sent him over text.

Unable to take the distance for a second longer, Tae ran into his boyfriend’s arms, not wasting any time peppering his face with loud kisses.

Fuck.. Taehyung was the definition of whipped.

Not worried about anyone catching them, the elder slowly drove Jungkook’s back against the rusty wall, lips attached to the younger’s in a gentle kiss.

When he pulled away, Tae’s hooded eyes were drawn to his boyfriend’s face, raking over every little detail.

“You replied,” he broke out into a silly grin, playfully squeezing at Kook’s hips. “You’ve grown~”

Jungkook hummed into the kiss with content, hands reaching up to run his fingers through Tae's messy hair. He obviously didn't even bother fixing it up since last night,

''I kind of get why Jimin can't unglue his phone from his eyes, anticipating a text is dreadful.. I couldn't focus on anything.'' He sighed in a fake dramatic voice, leaning his head back against the wall. His gaze was in complete tunnel vision for his boyfriend, a grin widening on his lips as he proudly announces his terribly awful joke--.

''If you're gonna keep kissing and praising me like that something else will grow.''

Well, it did have some truth in it.

A raspy laugh emitted from the back of Taehyung’s throat, who shook his head in utter disbelief. By the time the hearty sound gradually quieted down, the elder’s tongue swiped over his still swollen lips; which had yet to simmer down from their previous make out session.

“Oh yeah? What else..?”

Taehyung pressed his thigh against Jungkook’s crotch, playing with his boyfriend’s senses whilst he wore a shameless lopsided grin.

“I dunno what you’re talking about.”

He pressed on it harder, somewhat making out the thick shape of the younger’s cock as he faintly moved his leg, practically kneading the spot in between his boyfriend’s legs.

Acting as if he didn’t just do any of that, Taehyung outstretched his arms over his head, holding back his prickling smile.

“The weather’s lovely today, isn’t it?”

 A not so subtle sigh emitted from Jungkook's lips, morphing into a low whine at the way the elders knee massaged his length.

"Oh, fuck off..." he smiled, the light tone of his voice indicating the affection in his curses. His boyfriend surely knew how to tease back-- it must be a revenge from the countless times the younger had teased him first.

"We're gonna end up skipping the entire day if you keep going--" his voice was cut off by another shameless gasp, kooks fingers curling into fists as they grasp Taehyung's shirt to pull him back into a needier kiss, teeth almost clashing together between the heavier breaths, "making me needy" he murmurs his muffled words between their kisses.

Taehyung’s teeth tugged at Jungkook’s bottom lip, lightly nibbling on the soft skin as if asking permission for his tongue to intrude in the pit of warmth. His hands grasp his boyfriend’s waist, roughly manhandling the boy as he pulled him towards his body, deepening his deprived hunger for their kisses.

“Maybe I wanna make you needy.” The elder's velvety voice purred into his ear, one hand placed on the slope of his boyfriend’s nape, drawing him all the more closer.

"But we shouldn't.."

It was too risky, the lust wasn’t worth the hassle.

With a quick glance downwards, Tae’s chuckle rang once more. Their hard-ons were prominently poking at the fabric of their pants and with the little space between them, they inevitably brushed against one another.

“Later tonight. Get ready,” He leaned in to press an innocent kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek, purposely leaning in closer than needed for additional contact, their hardened, clothed cocks pinning together for a teasing second.

“I don’t wanna leavee..” Taehyung groaned in annoyance, finding their alone time to be more entertaining than class.

Jungkook whined in annoyance, a small pout on his lips as his doe eyes stared at Taehyung, "And you call me a tease...." he sighs with a smile, still keeping a tight grip on Taes shirt, hesitant to let go. Eventually, however, he did; instead letting his hands fix Taehyung's mess of a hair once more. Or at least attempt to.

"Let's head back then before I change my mind, I'll drag you to the ground if you even look at me." He scrunch his nose in a giggle, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend on the nose.

Much to their disclosure, they weren’t alone, someone else had been recording their supposedly secret interaction.

What they planned to do with the footage? No one else knew but them. And whatever the outcome was, it wasn’t going to be pretty.

~

The last class of the day was soon done and over with, making Taehyung ecstatic as he hastily packed his things (packing as in shoving his loose pieces of paper in his backpack), aiming towards the door with hurried steps.

Ever since his last interaction with the younger, Tae’s been awfully.. needy.

His sexual hormones were bouncing off the roof, tauntingly chanting ‘Jungkook, Jungkook,’ again and again until that was all he knew.

As Taehyung made his way to the common common area, he shamelessly wondered if his boyfriend would be up for fucking in his crappy car again.

The elder knew he’d said they would wait until tonight, but ‘tonight’ wasn’t right now.

Damn, Tae would love to try out different positions in such a compact space..

It was thrilling.

Oblivious to him, students’ un-welcomed stares dug holes in his back, watching the boy’s every move with utter shock— utter revelation. It was as if they were the camera lens themselves.

There was no way Taehyung was the other guy in the newly surfaced video, right?

Jeon Jungkook was one of them— for sure. He was unknowingly facing the shot, kissing another boy— who appeared to be Tae— with a bunny grin on his beaming face.

The video started with them making out; Jungkook’s doe eyes fluttered shut as Taehyung held him close, head slightly tilted to the side.

The frame zoomed in on the two boys’ comfortable posture, the elder could be seen rubbing his knee against Kook’s crotch, the latter slyly smiling in response.

Then more kissing, Taehyung whispering little things in his boyfriend’s ear..

To wrap things up, the footage cut off at the soft kiss on the elder’s nose, proceeding to zoom in on their tangled hands whilst they walked out of sight.

It was messy.. to everyone else but Taehyung. He waited for Jungkook in the same area as always, brushing off the ill looks thrown his way.

Jungkook hurried from the lecture room as soon as class was dismissed, backpack thrown over one shoulder as he walked in brisk steps through the hallways-- not as oblivious to the drilling looks coming his way. However, he was rather used to it by now-- so it didn't phase him as much as it probably should..

But then again, why? People haven't looked at him that way since he came out... and he rarely checked his phone, so he was completely unknowing of the circling video.

He shrugged it off, heading towards the common area to find his boyfriend idly waiting for him, the younger opted to jog to close the distance between them & nudged Taehyung on the shoulder.

"Hey! Waited long?" He grinned up at Tae, but it quickly faded as he once again noticed the murmurs and looks of basically everybody around them. Jungkook's eyes roamed the room, but decided to let them land back on Taehyung.

"Lets go?" He started to feel weirdly uncomfortable with all the stares, he wanted to get out of there.

As they headed out, a group of guys-- specifically the jocks that had called Jungkook a f*ggot without him knowing to Tae, had started to whistle and throw slurs towards the boys.

"The fairy put you under his spell huh?" One chanted, the others quickly laughing and motioning taking a dick in their mouth, "Hey, Taehyung! Are you the girl or the guy?!" Another snickered.

The more time they spent displayed in the common area like a plague, Taehyung’s natural obliviousness slowly diminished until all he became was hyper aware of his deafening atmosphere. The murmurs were exceptionally quiet, but they hit his ears like breaking glass.

He mindlessly nodded at his boyfriend whilst he challenged the students’ nosy stares with his own, asserting his dominance over the situation as they aimed for the nearest exit.

Unaware of the next obstacle they were going to have to face, Tae hesitantly parted his sealed lips, about to ask Jungkook the burning question they were both thinking— ‘what the hell was that?’— when Kai and his clique approached them with confident strides.

“W-what..?” Very much disoriented, Tae forced out a strained chuckle, “funny..”

The boy tried to play along with their obvious joke, his awkward laughter blending in with the group’s taunting snickers.

“No, dude..” Haechan amusingly corrected, “who takes a dick up the ass? Who’s the girl in the relationship?”

The elder’s chest shriveled up into an uncomfortable knot, and so did his throat as he was barely able to utter back a word.

What..?

“What— what relationship?” He shakily asked, completely disregarding the other foul comment. Glancing over at Jungkook, the look of fright on Taehyung’s face was evident.

“This relationship,” a phone was shoved into their faces, replaying the invasive video that had been going around all day.

It seemed like it would never end..

Taehyung swore he felt his heart drop.

“Uhm—“

“Fucking disgusting if you ask me.”

“N-no.. it’s just..” His breathing was uneven, eyes blown wide as they stared blankly ahead.

Fuck— this was too much too soon.

By now, a small crowd had gathered around them, only adding salt to Taehyung’s aching panic.

“F*ggot!” One of the guys deliberately spat in the elder’s face— not literally, but it sure felt like it.

Tears rushed to the brim of Tae’s eyes, which had yet to decipher into their normal shape.

He was having trouble breathing, clear in the way his chest vigorously heaved in its place. His face was drained of any color, and the buzzing in his ear was getting hard to bear.

Taehyung hadn’t even noticed their close friends had stepped in on their behalf, Yoongi’s vulgar curses sounding like pure gibberish.

He couldn’t move, it was as if he was glued to his place.

Shit, Tae wanted to disappear.

And so did Jungkook. He was frozen in place as he watched the video, their privacy suddenly open for all to see. Not that he was ashamed of them, but because whether this was a secret or not; it was their moment of privacy, invaded.

Kook quickly glanced over at his boyfriend, mouth parting and closing several times as he struggled to find his words, his worry for the elder growing more important than the worry for what everyone else thinks of him.

He wondered what Taehyung felt... even if it was an invasion of their privacy, he seemed ashamed of them. That didn't go unnoticed.

However he decided to shrug it off, instead focusing on getting them the fuck out of there, tugging at Taes arm.

"Come on." He murmured as he pulled the elder with him, grateful for his hyungs shooing everybody away. He'd have to thank them later; but now all he could focus on was taking his boyfriend out of this situation.

After finally being able to pull Taehyung out of his frozen spot, Kook guided him towards a more secluded area next to the school building to wait until the parking lot would be less crowded.

"Hey," Jungkook softly uttered as he cupped Taes cheeks to try to get in contact with him-- he seemed completely out of it. The younger doe eyes were blown wide with concern.

"Hey, it's okay."

Taehyung didn’t believe that for a second.

It wasn’t okay, their relationship was just outed to the whole goddamn school! What.. what if his father finds out one way or another?

What if he gets ridiculed for the rest of his senior year?

The elder forcefully withdrew from the other’s grainy hands, his cheeks beginning to sting from Jungkook’s touch.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” was the first thing Taehyung muttered, gripping at his hair in agitation. “I-I shouldn’t have.. fuck!”

More fresh tears rushed to his eyes, glazing over the anger that was still present, raven fringe shielding the hurt they obtained.

Jungkook took a step back like he'd been punched in the gut by Taehyung's reaction, his hands falling limp to his sides as he stared at the male in front of him. Tae was almost unrecognizable in Kook's eyes.

''Wha-- Tae, calm down...'' He took a breath of his own, as if trying to take his own advice and remain calm.. But it was fucking hard, it felt like Taehyung was shoving the blame on them, or him for this.

Jungkook curled his hands into fists, unsure what to do when his growing uncomfort hurled over him. He wanted to hold Taehyung, but the elder didn't seem to even want to touch Jungkook, acting like his touch was comparable to fire.

''Taehyung, sit down--''

“Yeah,” Tae scoffed, “calm down..” he boldly mocked the younger, jaw tightly clenched in its place out of anger. Finally, he shifted his anxiety-drunken gaze to his boyfriend’s dimmed eyes, nostrils flared up as his overwhelming emotions once again got the best of him.

“What the fuck is that gonna do, Jungkook?!” He roared in the boy’s face, remaining composure unwinding with every barbarous word.

“The damage is already done! Great, we’re the f*ggots of our school now.”

Taehyung breathed out a soft, saddened laugh, running his hand down his face in boiling regret.

Shit, how much he wished he could go back in time and prevent this bullshit from happening.

“Wha— you were facing the camera anyways, why didn’t you notice?!”

'F*ggots of our school.'

Another verbal punch thrown into the younger's gut, causing him to flinch at the mocking tone. Now it was Jungkook's turn to feel his anger slowly boiling up in his veins that were growing prominent in his arms through the hard, clenched fists to his sides, nostrils flaring as he took deep breaths.

''Why are you blaming me?! I didn't see anybody!'' His voice no longer had any sign of worry, instead laced with frustration. What the fuck was going on with the sudden, undeserved hostility?

Jungkook took a step closer to his boyfriend. ''It's not the end of the world!'

Taehyung stumbled back a couple steps, ensuring there was a noted distance between them.

“I know it’s not the goddamn end of your world!” He angrily retorted back. “but for my fucked up.. trashy, hell of a world it is!”

The elder’s brittle voice wavered, the veins in his neck significantly strained.

“Jungkook.. if— if my father finds out..” The corner of his lip twitched at the mere thought of his worst nightmare, curtly snapping his head to the side when he felt his eyes sting with more tears. Sadly, Taehyung feared for his well being whenever he was around that monster. If he found out that his son was dating another guy...

The elder didn’t want to think about the possible consequences.

“This is—“

“Hey! Guys, we were looking for you..” Jimin and Seokjin ran towards them, gradually stopping midway when they made out the tense aura oozing off of the wanted pair.

Their postures were rigid, and judging from the look in Taehyung’s face, things weren’t looking too good.

“You can get a ride from them, right? I’m leaving.” The elder left Jungkook on his own, unbothered to wait for a clear answer before walking off towards his car, the tightness in his chest having yet to cease.

“Jungkook..” Jimin hesitantly reached out for his friend, resting his smaller hand on the younger’s shoulder.

Jungkook was left speechless at the sudden turn of events, again.

He hadn't even been able to process what the fuck had just happened-- just an hour ago they were excited to go home together, and now Taehyung left the younger alone without even a single look.

Kook flinched when he felt Jimin's hand on his shoulder, not even registering that they were there until Tae was out of sight.

''I'm gonna... uh, walk home.''

God knows he needed it.

''Jungkook, no, let us drive you?'' Jimin tried, but he knew it was useless. Their youngest was obviously upset-- for good reason probably, and his much needed space was understandable.

''Nah, just-- I need to go.'' Jungkook sighed, glancing over at the worried looks of his hyungs, ''Thank you.''

Without another word, Jungkook threw his backpack over his shoulder and headed towards his apartment, mind constantly replaying the words thrown at him just mere minutes before.

He stepped inside of his apartment, letting his bag fall to the floor along with his jacket, mindlessly kicking off his shoes before slumping down into his couch with a thud, fishing his phone out. He knew he shouldn't, but he pulled up the video circling on the snapchat stories, seeing peoples terrible commentary to the event. Anything from the overused slurs to mocking the two. But what kook truly focused on was the two men in the video, the zoom of their intertwined hands walking off at the end. It hurt to watch-- because he missed Tae’s touch, the mere memory of Taehyung flinching away from his touch made his chest ache.

Should he text him? Jungkook rarely did.. Or did he need time alone? Fuck, he needed to relax. It's fine, right? Like every other fucking time they fought, they'd bounce back.

Jungkook decided to simply put his phone down and go to bed instead, hoping things would have cooled off by tomorrow.

~

Taehyung disregarded the sound of the familiar alarm, letting him know that it was time to get ready for practice.

He barely slept last night, feeling alienated in his spacious bed. Taehyung had gotten too comfortable with Jungkook, even his own bed felt.. strange, like it wasn’t the right fit. His room— in which he’d spent most of his time hiding— didn’t feel the same, either.

With an unpleased groan, Tae blindly followed the dreadful ring with his ears, finally taking his phone into his hand before putting it on silence.

He didn’t want to get bombarded with judgemental stares during the day. He didn’t think he’d be able to handle it. So.. Taehyung didn’t bother to find out for himself. The elder had barely any energy left in him, proved by the way his eyelids threatened to close with every passing second.

~

Jungkook drowsily turned his alarm off as soon as it rang, arm automatically reaching over out of habit towards the empty space next to him. He sighed deeply. So it wasn't just a fucking dream, then.

He wondered what today would be like.

Hopefully Taehyung had calmed down and rationed things.

But, to the younger's surprise-- Taehyung was nowhere to be seen as he stepped into practice. His eyes roamed the court, craning his neck to find the face he wished to see.

''Hey Kook!'' Jimin chimed, hopping towards his younger friend, ''How are you feeling? Are you okay?''

Jimin put an arm around Kook, leading him towards the anticipating group, their eyes flickering between Jungkook and each other.

''Hey, uh..'' Namjoon began, but was quickly interrupted by Yoongi.

''Where's Taehyung?''

Yoongi flinched at the kick on his shin from Hoseok.

''I, uh...I don't know? I thought he'd be here.'' Jungkook shrugged, masking his obvious worry and frustration. Maybe he just needed more space than Kook thought.

The entire day was dreadful, from enduring all the stares and whispers from what felt like every single student in the school, to attempting to focus in class. It was useless. All he could think about was Taehyung.

Finally, the bell rang-- the younger able to head home, his phone glued to his face on the way. Still radio silence. It wasn't like his boyfriend to go this long without any contact...

When Kook finally got home, he opted to try to send a text:

To: Tae Hey, are you okay?

Jungkook read his text over and over, even added a 'Miss you', but decided to delete that part before hitting send. It was simple, but the least he could do was reach out.

A deep sigh left his lips before he repeated the same routine of worrying, showering, eating a half-assed meal and heading to bed. Tomorrow he'd surely come.

~

Taehyung spent the majority of the day laying under his covers, safely tucked away from his troubles.

The only excuse for his feet to touch the ground was when he needed to use the restroom, or when his stomach audibly protested for its first bite of food.

He’d seen Jungkook initiate a text, but unlike the previous times, he wasn’t extremely eager to answer.

Even the slightest bit of movement was physically draining.

When his father came home, Taehyung had yet to move from his lying position.

Now he had more of a reason to stay put.

He’d fallen asleep soon after, and by the time Taehyung checked his phone, it was 10:34 in the morning.

Fuck.. well, why bother going to school now, right? His first hour class had already passed.

Taehyung didn’t think about sending one of his friends a text, mind too foggy to act unselfish.

They probably weren’t even worried, and with that incorrect thought in his head, Tae fell back asleep.

~

If that first day wasn't already long and dreadful, the second day was next level for Jungkook.

Once again, Taehyung hadn't shown up to practice, nor did he show up to school at all.

And it didn't help that his hyungs were up his ass about it too.

'Where's Taehyung?'

'Is he sick?'

'Are you guys okay?'

Were they okay? Jungkook didn't fucking know. He couldn't get a hold of the boy. And to think of it-- the elder hadn't even replied to the text. Worried was an understatement at this point.

Jungkook got through the routines of the day, minutes felt like hours without his boyfriend, and as the day had started to melt together, the bell rang once again, the day over.

He headed towards the common area once more, internally cursing himself out for automatically expecting Taehyung to stand in his usual spot-- only feeling his chest tighten when he wasn't.

Kook walked home slowly this time, oddly enough checking his phone more frequently for any sign of Tae, but to no avail. If he wouldn't show up tomorrow, he'd definitely have to do something about this.

~

To everyone’s surprise-- Taehyung’s included-- the boy went back to school after his two-day streak of absence. He figured he couldn’t skip out on his remaining months, no matter how tempting it was to just.. vanish. As a side effect of his profound anxiety, Tae was more reserved than usual. He feared getting flooded with any unwanted questions, and his peers’ shameless murmurs only worsened his internal turmoil.

Maybe toughening up was a shitty idea; the second he stepped in those halls the wall he’d built for himself came crashing down.

With his hood shielding him from the outside world, Taehyung walked into the locker room. His steps were far from confident, and to anyone with a pair of working eyes it was obvious Tae was practically pushing himself to not curl up into a ball and feel bad for himself.

The elder feared hearing that word, it was weird in its own way. Whenever the slur was directed towards Jungkook, Taehyung didn’t think twice before throwing a punch. However, when it was meant for him he felt weak. He hated it.

However, nobody had uttered a single word towards Taehyung as of yet, only murmurs amongst themselves-- not even his friends. Not even Jungkook, who kept at a distance as he watched the elder ignore everybody like he was in his own bubble.

Kook was surprised to see him, and still seemingly in a weird state of mind…

Was Taehyung gonna say something? Should Jungkook say something? He felt weird about it-- and the constant glances from everybody else made him hesitate. He didn't want to make it worse..

Instead, the younger opted for throwing quick glances every now and then, hoping Tae would be looking at him as well for any indication that they'd talk. But he got nothing, and it was almost eerie.

It was frustrating as hell.

Jungkook hoped that as the locker room emptied out, Taehyung would stay around for a private conversation, but that was apparently not part of the plan as Jungkook watched the elder turn to leave without a word once more, kook following behind in silence. This day was gonna be long.

The elder failed to make every basket during practice, his aim was off, and his overall stance was stiff. It worried Namjoon, not only because one of his best players was lacking, but because his friend had his head in the clouds.

He’s never seen Taehyung this out of it..

But then again, when someone’s been forced to come out by a silly video roaming around the school, it was reasonable to be scared.

Namjoon just would’ve never guessed Tae was one of the people who were easily affected by useless chatter. He’s always deemed the younger as strong, fearless.

Joon had yet to be proven wrong.

Taehyung showed up today, and the elder found that to be the epitome of bravery.

If he was in his shoes, Namjoon wouldn’t know what to do. Not show his face in school, that was for sure.

In that moment, it had been established that Tae was far stronger than he was.

“Joon, can I get a drink of water.”

He’d been in the middle of a speech when Taehyung interrupted. Usually Joon would’ve scolded him for it, but with the way the morning’s been going, the elder simply nodded like a bobble head.

All watched the gloomy boy step out of the gymnasium, all the while Joon’s eyes were glued on Kook. There was definitely something going on between the two.

Namjoon waited a couple of seconds, anticipating Taehyung’s return.

Either the latter was extremely thirsty, or he used that as an excuse to leave mid practice.

“Uh.. I need someone to fetch me some extra basketballs. Jungkook? Can you do that?”

Really Namjoon was just giving the younger one a reason to chase after his troubled boyfriend, hoping they figure things out amongst themselves.

Jungkook didn't hesitate for even a second as soon as Namjoon gave him a chance at chasing after his boyfriend. A quick, grateful look given to the captain was all he gave before heading out the door, mind still swirling with his thoughts. Anxiety was a bitch, always amplifying and spurring on his worries-- and the way Taehyung was acting didn't help at all.

Jungkook finally found the familiar male bent over the water fountain. A part of him felt relieved just seeing him in the flesh, he wasn't randomly gone-- and by the looks of it, he hasn't gotten hurt..

Before, Jungkook had been hesitant, even cautious to talk to the elder, but after this amount of time, he'd grown tired of this shit. It wasn't his fault, none of this!

"Taehyung." Jungkook breathed the words out, as if he hadn't said them in so long that it felt.. weird, yet familiar. He crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for his boyfriend to tell him anything. Why weren't they talking this through?

Taehyung’s muscles tensed under the intrusive voice, slowly straightening his posture as he made a great effort to meet Jungkook’s hardened gaze.

“Look.. I’m not in the mood to talk, alright?”

Taehyung attempted to walk around the younger, feeling as if there was a vacuum sucking all the air out of his lungs.

For all he knew, someone could be recording them right now, stepping into their personal problems without an invite.

Jungkook swiftly stepped in front of Taehyung, blocking the way with his wider frame. His eyes squinted in frustration, fingers digging his blunt nails into his own biceps to keep himself as calm as possible. Tae really had the nerve to say he doesn't want to talk?

"Are you serious? I've worried for two days and that's the first thing you say?"

Taehyung breathed out in exasperation, wanting nothing more than to push Jungkook out of his way. The latter was visibly stronger so Tae decided to stay put, at least for now..

“You didn’t have to worry about me, I’m fine.” He mirrored the younger’s stance, arms tensely crossed over his chest.

Jungkooks common ritual of frustration appeared in the form of his tongue prodding the inside of his cheek, the annoyed head tilt following as he tried to read the expression in Taehyung's face. Why did he suddenly feel like a stranger? Why did he suddenly feel like the old Taehyung?

"You're kidding me... stop acting like this, just fucking talk to me!" Jungkook untangled himself from his own arms to place his hands on his hips. "I can't stand the silence."

“Maybe I don’t fucking wanna talk to you! Ever thought about that?!”

The elder’s chest heaved, bigger hands balled up into tight fists at his sides. He let out a shaky exhale, lowering his brittle voice after a few seconds of scraping around for his inner serenity.

“Ever thought about what I fucking wanted?” His fragile tone was a distraction from the deafening silence.

As if Jungkook was a contagious disease, Tae cowardly stepped back.

“I— I tried to please you, Jungkook,” the elder continued, “even when I wasn’t comfortable with— with showing public affection, or letting you hug me in front of other people, I still did it.”

Taehyung shook his head, as if not believing he allowed himself to fall so deep.

“Hell, I wanted to make you happy. I couldn’t say how scared I felt.. or my take on the situation. And you know what? I wish I would’ve put me first.”

More silence..

“I wasn’t fucking ready like you were! I-I just... wasn’t.”

Taehyung ran a hand through his hair, breaking down with every truthful word.

“Maybe if I listened to my gut, none of this shit would’ve happened.”

Jungkook took in every word, each one of them building to his whirl of emotions clashing in his chest. He wasn't sure what to say, arguing with the elder is like talking to a wall sometimes...

He exhaled a shaky breath, eyes averting Taes as he stared down at the ground. A short nod followed, his jaw muscles clenching. Jungkook just wanted them to be good again, but the elder continuously pushes that thought away with his words.

"Fine." He murmurs, no longer feeling the need to speak to Taehyung when all he got thrown at him was blame. He took another step back, slowly distancing himself as well before he would lose his temper-- the urge to fucking punch him was burning. And yet... the other part of him wanted to cry. This entire situation was just pure shit...

Taehyung didn’t build on what he had to say, simply walking around Jungkook now that he seemed more inattentive of his surroundings.

The elder saw the millions of thoughts flashing through his boyfriend’s glazed eyes.

He felt guilty; Tae didn’t particularly get off on angering the younger, or leaving him close to tears. But he had to get that off his heavy chest, he was already short of breath. Leaving the uncomfortable mass to linger would’ve been deadly.

Jungkook took a deep, silent breath as he waited for Taehyung to be out of sight until he came back down to reality. He still didn't entirely get the uncomfortable tension between them. It was so sudden...

Jungkook had to take a moment, fighting his fight or flight instincts telling him to get the fuck out of there. He pushed the emotions down, completely forgetting about the instructions from Namjoon to get the basketballs as he headed back to the court. Hopefully practice was over soon anyway. He just wanted to go home.

~

The rest of the long day Taehyung spent avoiding Jungkook, succeeding in doing so considering they didn’t share any common classes. Before, that was something Taehyung wished was different.

He wanted to be in the same class as his boyfriend, anything to be close to him.

Now? He was glad that wasn’t the case, it would hurt too much to make eye contact with him from across the room.

Tae’s blurry mind wasn’t on board, however, the younger was all he thought about.

Jungkook was all he knew, in a sense. It felt weird not being able to talk, to send him pestering messages only for Kook to ignore them, picking out the marshmallows in his cereal to give them to him..

It sucked, but Taehyung knew space was the medication they needed.

The elder was up in his room, shaky thumbs hovering above his phone’s keyboard whilst he stalled on Jungkook’s contact.

He’d been thinking about how unstable their relationship was; how they always fought more often than not— how most of their loud bickering was because of something he’d done.

Taehyung didn’t know how the fuck to act in a relationship, he was a piece of shit.

His boyfriend deserved better.. he deserved a guy who’d proudly show him off, kiss him without any fears, hold his hand without worrying about outsiders’ stares. Someone not nearly as messy.

Tae harshly wiped away a stray tear, inhaling softly to stay grounded.

He’d already made up his mind, but /fuck/ was it hard to actually go through with it..

Exhaling, Taehyung quickly typed out the same phrase that’s been haunting him all day, pushing ‘send’ once he was done.

To: Kook I think we should break up.

Taehyung knew that if he read over it once again, he’d lose all courage to end things.

He was only looking out for Jungkook, after all.

On the other end of things, that was the exact opposite of what Taehyung did.

© sombreboy 2020. Do not edit, repost or translate.

#fic: Love maze #vkook fic #taekook fic #taekook series #vkook series #bts fluff #bts smut #bts series #sombreboy #bts mxm #taehyung x jungkook

[lunarrwolf]

black butterflies [colby brock]

fandom: sam and colby/traphouse

pairing: colby x self

word count: 2,209

part(s): one two three

summary: after a prank gone wrong, colby and his friends meet another youtuber during her meet and greet in hopes it will cheer her up

A/N: this is a self-insert because it’s a fic that was started for my own personal pleasure. it was supposed to be shared last year on my fan account after a poll was done but never was bc i ended up not feeling ready to do so. i figured since i‘m ready to share it now, it would be best to do it here since it’s pretty detailed

THREE

By the time the pair reached their hotel on the west coast, the sky was significantly brighter than back home. While she loved the city that she frequently visited, she had to admit when the airplane reached its destination that Boston did not compare to the view that graced her. Palm trees, beaches and sunny skies greeted the two friends as they descended toward the runway of LAX that afternoon. Even the drive to the west coast Marriott location was a sight for sore eyes as the scenery blurred by with dozens of people walking the sidewalks and hundreds of restaurants and stores lining the street. Aiden won the competition of who could connect their music to the car’s stereo the fastest, playing indie music the whole ride. When they actually checked into the building, the walk and elevator ride consisted of a playful argument about who was going to get which bed. That was figured out quickly as Kirsy set her stuff on the floor of the shared room before throwing herself on the one next to the window.

After settling and calming themselves down, the close friends talked about what they could do first. However, she wasn’t feeling up to exploring right away. They’d only landed the night before and were now three hours behind their usual time. Jet lag wasn’t really at play since the difference didn’t mean much to someone who rarely slept anyway, but exhaustion was another thing entirely. The whole early morning was spent laying underneath the sheets

“You can’t lay here all day.”

“I beg to differ.” She rolled on her stomach from facing the ceiling, coming eye to eye with the rising musician. His hands were placed on his waist as he stared you down, to which she paid no mind because that was just how their relationship worked. “I just want to lay here in a room with an air conditioner and fantasize about people who don’t know I exist.”

Knowing exactly who she meant, Aiden raised an eyebrow, shifting his weight on one leg as he raised an eyebrow at her. “Please - that’s a cliche story that isn’t going to get you out of today’s plans.” The older of the two placed himself against the bed across from her, taking his hat off of his head to chuck it at the girl’s face. She let out a whine, sending him a glare that would send a fraction of shivers going on anyone else’s spine. The bemusement on the young man’s face was clear as day; they were in a busy city with long beaches and awe-striking sights and all she wanted to do was mope around on her phone.

He was going to have none of it.

It didn’t matter that one of their companions quit on them and the channel - this trip was about moving on, starting new chapters and showing everyone that she wasn’t as devastated as she made herself look on camera the other day. While he hadn’t known her as long, they were almost inseparable, and watching her delve into the nerves of walking around without the redhead was something he never thought he’d see. His friend needed someone to slap her out of this misery and drag her back into the world she lived in now; one of adventure and expanding the lack of social horizons. “Get your ass up, we’re going out.”

“What-” She glanced over at him, exasperation in her tone. “We landed in the state twelve hours ago. What exactly do you want to do at this hour?”

“It’s what I don’t want to do, and that’s be stuck in here until we have the meet and greet. Which is in a few hours,” he reminded her. He crossed the small room to fish the room key out of the side of his bag, glancing back to find her sitting up with a neutral expression on her face. He side swept her copy of the card onto the bed he gained in the race to the shared room, “Your body knows nothing about being put to rest for more than five hours. I’m sure it doesn’t register that you’ve changed time zones, so you have enough energy to be proactive.”

Kirsy stared at her friend blankly, shoving her hands in the pocket of her hoodie. She peeked down at the white and green piece of plastic sitting on the comforter, tempting her to join in on exploring the city. Which is what she should be doing, anyway.

For years, her mind had been plagued in the best way possible with dreams and manifestations of how her life would be if she was ever able to afford residency in California. The sandy beaches, clear skies, endless list of activities and shops, and modern beauty of such a popular location always drew her in. The plan was to save up and find a place with Casey, so ensuing on a trip that her eccentric friend insisted on doubling as an apartment search was tough for her. She got over situations very quickly - the events that unfolded about one week before were already shoved in the back of her mind as unnecessary but moral filled fog. People were harder to be rid of in the recesses. If someone was dear to her, she could live on as if they weren’t, though it wouldn’t be the case on the inside. Going out and enjoying herself didn’t sit right with the part of her that was stuck with the friendship that had a questionable ending.

The young adult kept an eye on the twenty-two year old as she seemed to be contemplating what she was going to do. He was going to drag her out to the elevator and out the doors either way. Still, it would be much more enjoyable of a break from reality if she was one hundred willing to partake in the adventure.

“How long are we staying again?” She looked up, meeting his gaze.

“I think four days. Unless we find a place, then we agreed to stay longer to sort everything out.”

“Okay.” With a defeated sigh she picked up the key and turned around to grab the small backpack she was able to carry on the flight over. Making her way to where Aiden patiently stood, she placed a small hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go find you a boyfriend, then.”

He shook his head, letting out an exasperated sigh that only received a grin in response before they opened the door.

-

“I’m pretty sure this counts as stalking.” The brunette looked over the shorter figure, giving him a look that the slightly older male dismissed with a gesture of surrender. “All I’m saying is that checking her story is a step above what a normal person would do.”

“You’re not normal.” He retorted, his previously blonde friend agreeing with no problem.

“I would hope not,” Sam exclaimed, putting his hands in the pockets of his denim jacket as he smiled at his exasperated friend, “it’s kind of my whole brand.”

Colby couldn’t come up with a clever comeback. Since seeing that the vlogger and streamer had landed, he’d been dragging his friends around the local spots of Downtown Los Angeles. The anxiety that riddled him was as much of a positive aspect as it could have been - it matched the feeling their subscribers and community members would react at their own chances of meeting the group of four boys and the girlfriends of three of them. He knew how much he was acting out of character, and yet he didn’t care. Both parties had been admiring the other for months at a time without notice. Well, he noticed hers because everything she had came from the makings of a fan account she created for him and his friends. The lack of responses and her comments and work being drowned out by the millions of other fans gave her the impression that he never saw her past being another face, even after her own social media standing took off.

Taking the past three years into consideration benefited both ends of this infatuation. After proving successful in her journey when able to attend a convention the year before, she hoped having the platform would bring more attention to her rising brand so she could get the chance to embarrass herself in person.

It was the opposite for Colby.

All he’d wanted since realizing he was starting to experience the way a lot of fans felt towards any member of the housemates was a chance to meet her face to face. Maybe the way she affected him was because her own emotions manifested onto him whenever he skimmed a caption on one of her editing account’s uploads or read some of the posts she would put up on social media about him. Surely that was the explanation for all of this.

Everyone knew he was tired of trying to find the person he was meant to be with in girls from the Bay Area. No one he’d ever been attracted to or tried to start a relationship with in his years of living here had shown potential. Los Angeles was a palace for people who did a lot of stunts and acted a certain way to get where they wanted to go in life, and that included who they would get involved with. It became too hard too quickly for him to figure out the intentions of the few he tried to get to know romantically, and so he gave up on dating in this part of the country. Part of him did anticipate that if it wasn’t going to be someone he would see on the internet or the feed of any social media accounts, it would be someone from the family they’d all built over time. It would be a girl that’s watched their videos and been with them for a while and knew the guys well enough just by observing and enjoying the content they were given. It was nerve racking to think that the person he should really be with was a fan, as they would all categorize themselves as. So since he started being the one to keep an eye out for announcements and new content when it came to Kirsy, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to believe it - he just couldn’t.

How would this girl who proclaimed herself a fangirl half the time - a girl who photoshopped images, created videos and made storylines for everyone to read - possibly be the one who took his heart and made it beat such a way? It just didn’t make sense.

Yet here he was, blindly following her updates along with any other local subscriber of hers to see if she would be going anywhere he could bump into her, his friends following along because they knew what was going on and wanted to be there for support. Having known him since they were in their early teenage years, Sam had every inch of how his best friend reacted to liking someone planted in his brain. He mapped out the stages in his head when Colby started talking about the ‘new YouTuber that looked familiar and he could have sworn she went to their tour or passed by them at an event’. When those stages started to ring true, he filled in their other roommates who started to notice the constant mention of her name as well. They’ve all been there for him, hoping that he would just admit he fell for someone he’d never personally met or spoken to before.

One of the taller members of the foursome looked between the more sane companions, wanting to help their friend keep the confidence they all knew he had. “We should invite her and her friend to the Love For Hire party this weekend. She’s going to be here around then, right?”

Colby brought his attention to Jake, his curiosity peaking at the mention of their new boyband. They all met their girlfriends at parties, didn’t they? At least - that’s the way it was perceived in his head when the moments began to blur together. It seemed the connections for all of them were made when they all met the nights of, and that’s what he wanted. Perhaps the fact that the trio of couples all met for the first time at one of the Traphouse’s parties made him much more superstitious than he wanted or expected to be. Going to a small event meant for local fans of another content creator and using it to meet her himself right before they all invited her to their house for a party? How much of an ideal was that?

The more he thought about it as they walked down the sidewalks beside the beach, the more ridiculous he sounded. So what if this wasn’t an ideal situation? If whatever it was he felt was genuinely reciprocated, then he would approach it head on and take the risk of wooing someone from his creator community. If not, then he would have to learn to deal with that.

Although, something told him that all of this overwhelming emotion would be worth it.

#colby brock #colbybrockimagines #corey scherer #jake webber #sam and colby #traphouse #colby and sam #youtuber #youtubers #colby #colby brock imagines #cole robert brock #sam golbach imagines #sam golbach #corey scherer imagines #jake webber imagines #trapgirls #trapboys #trapidiots #cxtecxlby #xplr #brennen taylor #brennen #mikes dead #katrina stuart #tara yummy #devyn lundy #self insert #fanfiction #youtube

[koonagi]

My Interview w/ Dallas Local Skateboarding Company 'Defiant Upgrades' + CONTEST

Earlier in 2020, I made an attempt to film a Dallas Skate Spots episode by myself at Lewisville Skatepark, AKA Toyota of Lewisville Railroad Park early in the morning. I remember forcing myself awake that morning at around 6am to try and film before I started my day job at 9am. (SPOILER: I didn’t finish the episode that day and still haven’t due to that park getting extremely busy and COVID 19 being a thing.) However, I did manage to meet a skater there by the name of David Dulin.

I was setting up my camera at the benches they have near the entrance of the skatepark. David was sitting across from me at another bench while his girlfriend quad skated in the distance. We got to talking and became friends. I couldn’t stay too much longer after we began our conversation, but we kept in touch.

A month or so ago, David reached out to me and announced he was starting his own skateboarding company called Defiant Upgrades. We decided to team up to promote both of our brands via a contest. I also wanted to make my readers aware of the new company by writing this article. David’s a super interesting person and I hope you enjoy my socially distanced and fully online interview with him as we discuss his new company:

Read through the article to see how you can win FREE truck nuts from Defiant Upgrades for your board!

Before we get to your new company, tell me a little about yourself and how you got into skateboarding.

"My name is David Dulin, but I also sometimes use my old radio name Dave Foster. I am originally from Michigan. I worked in radio for seven years after graduating from Michigan State University. I moved to the Houston area in 2001 for work and later to Dallas in 2002. I worked in the promotional music field from 2002 until being downsized at the end of 2018. I spent 2019 working with friends while I figured out what I wanted to do next. COVID-19 hit in March of 2020 and I found myself in lockdown. Around April/May my girlfriend took up roller skating, and after going with her to a local skatepark I decided to get a skateboard. Growing up as a kid I was always interested in skateboarding, but my mom was overly cautious. As an ER nurse she was always convinced whatever hobby I took up would land me in the hospital because she, “saw it all the time”. When I did finally convince her to get me a board it was a terrible plastic one that wasn’t any fun. I had no smooth surfaces to skate and none of my friends were into it. I quickly gave up and moved onto other hobbies."  -- DD

Who are some of the skaters that inspired you when you first started and who inspires you now?

"Back in the 80’s obviously I was inspired by Tony Hawk and the Zephyr Team guys. The movie ‘Gleaming the Cube’ was awesome. This time around I don’t really follow specific skaters. I have respect for everyone who skates because it is damn hard. People who don’t skate have no idea how much work you have to put in to even get kinda OK at it. I really enjoy watching local skaters at the park. It’s a lot of fun to watch someone keep trying a trick until they nail it. That look of self-satisfaction is awesome."  -- DD

Let's get to your new company! What is Defiant Upgrades and how did this all come about?

"Defiant Upgrades is a vehicle for skaters to express their individuality. Before I got into skating I was (and still am) big into mountain biking. Mountain biking companies have tons of accessories in a multitude of color choices. When I got my first board I wanted to "make it mine" by customizing it. There are a ton of choices for grip tape, deck graphics, truck style/color and different wheel options. I was surprised there wasn’t really a way to customize your axle nuts. It was like the old Ford Model T joke... you can have any color you want as long as it's (in this case) silver (or sometimes black). There were a few roller skate companies that sold nylon axle nuts in various colors, but I didn’t think plastic was a good material for holding your wheels on. I started to do more and more research. Eventually I found some factories that would produce what I was looking for. They wouldn’t just make a few though, and I had to decide how serious I was about pursuing this. I dipped into savings and started my company."  -- DD

Do you have any advice for other people wanting to start their own companies?

"There are plenty of business/self-help “guru’s” out there with advice and systems for being successful at starting a new business. Before starting Defiant Upgrades, I had read a lot of business books. The advice I’d give people can best be summed up by a Seth Godin quote, “If you wait until you have the skill, if you wait until you’re certain it’s going to work, it’s very unlikely you’ll ever take that leap”. If you are tired of working for someone else and being at their mercy, why not take a chance and bet on yourself? You don’t have to run out and quit your job (unless you have the means and a plan), but with the right goal you can start your own journey."  -- DD

Where do you see Defiant Upgrades going and what products might we expect? What products do you currently have?

"I would like to grow Defiant Upgrades into a global brand with multiple product lines. The colorful axle nuts are just the first step. I have some other ideas I will be fleshing out soon. I’m also open to expanding into other products/hobbies based on feedback. I feel it’s important to stay flexible and nimble starting out. I don’t have all of the answers and that’s OK. I am looking forward to the journey and finding the answers. Currently we offer 8mm electroplated steel nyloc skate axle nuts in seven colors. We have them packaged for skateboarders (a five pack for $6.95) and roller/quad skaters (a pack of ten for $11.95, $12.95 if they want mismatched colors). I include extra nuts because they’re small and accidents happen, so it’s very easy to lose a nut here or there."  -- DD

Random Question: What's your favorite skatepark?

"I have skated a lot of the parks in the DFW area and I always come back to the same park. Lewisville’s Railroad Park is still my favorite. It just has so much to offer and it’s huge. So, it can handle a bunch of skaters mixed in with scooter kids, rollerbladers, BMXers and quad skaters. It’s not perfect, but overall, it’s the most fun for me."  -- DD

Where can people follow you and your company to support it and keep up to date on everything Defiant?

"Currently our main shop is located over at Etsy. We’re on social media at Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Just search for @defiantupgrades and we should be easy to find. I am in the process of building out a standalone website which will be at defiantupgrades.com. That will launch in the first quarter of 2021. I plan to keep the Etsy shop open after launching the new website as well. I can also be reached directly at [email protected]."  -- DD

I’d like to thank David for taking time out of his busy day to do this article. It’s always so cool to see people have a passion/idea for something and run with it full steam. I wish David and his company all the best. I’d also like to add that as previously mentioned, we are having a contest where you can win some free nuts! All you have to do is:

Follow Defiant Upgrades on Instagram.

Comment on one of their posts and let us know you’ve entered.

We’ll be announcing a new winner next Friday on the Defiant Upgrades Instagram and in my video coming out Friday, January 15th. Stay tuned and check out David’s company Defiant Upgrades at his website and social media, linked below.

Check out the latest Dallas Skate Spots video below to see the Defiant Upgrades nuts in action!

#Defiant Upgrades #Lewisville skatepark #skateboarding #interviews

[lawbreaker13]

Okay I’ve decided I want to expand on this end card a little bit more ‘cause there is SO MUCH going on here.

So the Lila-Gabriel thing is obvious for the most part. Paired with the ominous music and the purple lighting (uh, Hawkmoth anyone??), it’s not unlikely to say that Lila may be let in to a couple of Gabriel’s secrets pretty soon, or at least clued in enough to help him play his little games. But the two of them are on the outer edges of this photo which leads me to think that their story may begin to truly overtake the love story going on in the middle.

Also, those green, pixelated undertones have me incredibly suspicious. I can’t seem to put my finger on why though...

One layer in, we have Ladybug and Kagami facing back-to-back with Adrien in the middle. Like all of these end cards, there are some pretty obvious implications there mainly being their personal little love-triangle. However, Kagami is staring longingly at something given to her from Adrien, whereas Ladybug is paying no attention to Adrien’s existence, and is seemingly focusing her attention elsewhere with a concerned look on her face. And where was the last time Ladybug looked confused and concerned for a person who seemed to have run off into oblivion without so much as a fistbump? Well, her searching expression makes Chat Noir’s unusual absence glaringly obvious in this snapshot. When Chat Noir didn’t fistbump her, Ladybug was obviously taken aback. And that feeling seemed to have stuck around, as these end cards are usually used to represent the lingering feelings left with the characters after the episode’s events have concluded.

In the very center of the photo, we find the one, the only, Adrien Agreste. Given how this episode so drastically centered around and his love life, it’s no surprise that he’d be found smack in the middle of the end card with three love interests and the only other main obstacle in his life, his father, surrounding him. But what’s really interesting to me isn’t that Adrien’s standing in between Ladybug and Kagami here, it’s the way that he’s positioned. His head is turned towards Kagami. He’s looking at her instead of ogling the Love of His Life as he has in almost EVERY OTHER END CARD. He’s finally seeing Kagami in a new light instead of focusing all of his energy into Ladybug and her lack of returned feelings. And yet he isn’t looking entirely at Kagami. His body is still turned towards Ladybug.

Because no matter where his eyes and his mind may stray, his heart will always belong to her.

Welp, hope ya’ll enjoyed my sappy little TED Talk! And again, this is as much insight as I can give with minimal knowledge of French or Spanish (the language the episode came out in and the language of the subtitles I saw it with), but honestly, I don’t think it takes a whole lot of linguistic knowledge to be able to read an ML end card. That, mis amigos, requires only pure obsession dedication to the craft. ;P

#Whoo another analysis! #Miraculous #Miraculous Ladybug #ML #Ladybug and Chat Noir #Onichan #Oni-Chan #Oni Chan #Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir #Analysis #Season 3 #Miraculous Ladybug Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir #Miraculous Ladybug Season 3 #Kagami Tsurugi #Kagami #Lila Rossi #Gabriel #Gabriel Agreste #Adrien #Adrien Agreste #Marinette #Marinette Dupain Cheng #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Ladybug #Chat Noir #End card #Mine #LadyNoir #Adrigami #You know I don't think I've ever seen a tag for Adrien and Lila but I guess that's a good thing

[oliveskylarks]

~lwj astrological birth chart analysis~

hi!!! i was thinking about lan zhan’s birthday, and i got a bit curious as to what his birth chart would look like. i did a lot of guessing and interpreting here- i know there’s no official canon year in our history that this all takes place, and that its reaaaaaally difficult to get outer/generational planets right that far back in time. i did my best. enjoy!!

Aquarius Sun

The Aquarius Sun is, above all else, an individual. They strive for their independence and freedom, in whatever form that may take. Ruled by Uranus, they value and look forward to drastic changes and seek to differ from others around them. They are skilled in dealing with facts, logic, and ideas. They have razor sharp intuition, and they usually learn to rely on it early in their lives. Because of this, the Aquarius tends to stick to their beliefs on what is right and what is wrong, and usually cannot be swayed from this, unless shown concrete evidence to the contrary. The combination of these traits create an engaged spirit that seeks to maintain an emotional distance from whatever, or whoever, they are dealing with. This emotional distance is key in defining the core essence of Aquarius- they use it to attempt to transcend the mundane, the drama, and those annoying emotions they can’t seem to get rid of. An Aquarius may face challenges that arise resulting from their detachment, and their struggles with emotion and working with others. This may make them come across as unemotional, rigid, or cold. However, they’re motivated to learn as much as they can with the world around them, and use their principles and intuition as a guide for exploring the universe. They deal in the abstract, and they are fundamentally unconventional, seeking to push boundaries and fight for the social causes they believe in. Keywords to Aquarius Sun: eccentric, independent, detached, curious, intuitive, self reliant

Scorpio Moon

Scorpio Moons are mysterious and intense. Ruled by both Pluto and Mars, they are passionate, and in search of the deeper truths behind something’s first appearance. This parallels themselves, and the truth of their emotions. Beneath all of the first impressions you get from them, there lies the truth of their inner world: sensitive to emotions around and within them, vulnerable (especially to dark mindsets), and the fear of expressing themselves and all these secrets that have been bubbling beneath the surface. All of these things they deal with makes them crave emotional purges- letting out all these powerful emotions, anger, jealousy, pain, love, compassion, in bursts because they just can’t handle keeping it to themselves anymore. They’re secretive, and it’s a defense mechanism. Keywords to Scorpio Venus: intense, sensual, moody, secretive

Capricorn Mercury

They are typically very cautious in what they say. Ruled by Saturn, they are detail oriented but they know what the big picture is. They’re good at organizing their thoughts and activities. They are conservative in what they say, and they are high focused and goal oriented. They do get irritated when too much information comes their way, because they aren’t given the time they need to process that information. Keywords to Capricorn Mercury: focused, intelligent, analytical

Capricorn Venus

People with Venus in Capricorn typically like to impress people with their intelligence and drive to succeed. Ruled by Saturn, love is very serious to them, and they might feel like they need to be at a stable, independent place in their lives to be able to settle down with someone. Behind their “cool” demeanor, they are warm and emotional people. They may be shy, but they show their feelings through their actions. They say what they mean, and how they appear to others is very important to them. To feel safe and secure, they often need to have a sense of financial security or wealth, so they may choose someone who is well off to be with. There is something soulful about someone with a Capricorn Venus, and it is even more intriguing because of their sense of privacy. Keywords for Capricorn Venus: quiet, ambitious, analytical

Leo Mars

They are extremely proud people. They tend to be quite competitive, and they do not accept compromise, or failure. They play the game of life by their own rules. They put their all into everything, including their ego, so they can get quite defensive when provoked or humiliated. Leo Mars people are naturally born leaders. They strive to succeed in any and every single thing they do. They are skilled performers, and deep inside themselves, they have a need to create. They act with their heart. However, their pride is their downfall, aided only by the high standards they set for themselves. They love being the center of attention, in more ways than one. They do take care of their partner’s needs; however, their attention is focused most on their own pleasure. They crave the excitement of a new relationship, and all the affection and love that comes along with it. They can get jealous easily, and they may “test” their partner’s loyalty. They become easily irritated with disloyalty or dishonesty. Keywords for Leo Mars: direct, dramatic, vivacious, proud

Sagittarius Jupiter

The Jupiter in Sagittarius placement creates a powerful urge to travel, to expand your knowledge and learn about other cultures. They typically can come across as detached, friendly, and non-judgemental in passing. They seek to expand wisdom, and to teach. Learning is their highest calling in life. This is a Sagittarius Jupiter’s greatest strength, but it can also cause them to come across as a know-it all, or rather aloof. Typically, not always, they may be active, and seek competition. 

Taurus Saturn

Those with their Saturn in Taurus seek tangible challenges and answers from their world. Saturn, as a generational planet, shows our limitations and challenges, and Taurus deals in the sensual, the tangible, and the desire for material pleasures. This can manifest as collection of things they deem beautiful, such as art, clothing, food, or just money. They can feel intimately tied to their physical world, and weaknesses can be found in hoarding goods valuable to them. Taurus brings this planet reliability, stability, and determination. 

Libra Uranus

Another generational placement, Libra channels Uranus’s desire for transcendence and enlightenment into art. They may be musically gifted, or particularly literate or artistic. Their deep imagination gives way for an incredibly sense for detail, and intuition. They tend to be restless, and dislike others intruding into their private lives. Uranus in Libra is uniquely prone to domestic troubles, such as the loss of their romantic partner. They can be unconventional, and are often characterized as anarchic. The balance and reasoning they bring to this planet brings changes to the traditional definitions of law, norms, and relationships.

Scorpio Neptune

Another generational placement, the Scorpio in Neptune individual is deeply emotionally spiritual. They can find physical intimacies and pleasures as spiritual connections, and seek explanation for the truths they seek about the universe in the esoteric, or the occult. They search beyond reason- they delve into the inner workings of the soul to define the world around them. They often find inner conflict in their selfish desires and fantasies, and their overwhelming tendency for self-sacrifice. 

Cancer Pluto

As Pluto represents hidden power and the deep psyche, Cancer gives meaning to this with emotional connection. Every emotion is incredibly intense, and a lot of inner conflict comes from their efforts to control their emotions. They are protective of those they love, and because of this, they seek to always be one step ahead of all their troubles in order to protect themselves and those they love. They find their purpose in their family and their relationships. They may also find themselves clinging to their childhood belief systems, even when this conflicts with what they find they desire in the present.

--

OKAY LETS CHAT. lets address the elephant in the room. yes, canonically, mdzs is not set in any time in our history. im just a hoe for astrology and i pieced together a relative year based on historical context given throughout canon, 423 AD. already a bit shakey on the timing of things, but also, because this is soooo far back, i did not factor in retrogrades for outer planets. technically speaking, since this is so far back in history, retrogrades become a bit insignificant when calculating for planets like jupiter, that switch signs every year and can retrograde several times a year. oh fuckin well.

BUT IS THIS NOT THE MOST LAN WANGJI THING YOUVE EVER SEEN??????

let’s dive right in, shall we?

We all know homeboy’s an aquarius sun, but like come on. “value and look forward to drastic changes and seek to differ from others around them” ???? “skilled in dealing with facts, logic, and ideas” ???? “emotional distance is key in defining the core essence of Aquarius- they use it to attempt to transcend the mundane, the drama, and those annoying emotions they can’t seem to get rid of. An Aquarius may face challenges that arise resulting from their detachment, and their struggles with emotion and working with others. This may make them come across as unemotional, rigid, or cold. however, they’re motivated to learn as much as they can with the world around them, and use their principles and intuition as a guide for exploring the universe” ???? fuck yeah my dude.

having a scorpio mood explains his unsettling demeanor that we experience through wwx’s 15 year old eyes. Not only is he quiet and rule abiding, but he’s ~mysterious~. he’s secretly brimming with enough feelings to make rambunctious wwx shit himself. not only that, but he’s emotionally constipated!!! we love to see it. WE ALSO LOVE TO SEE EVIDENCE OF THE EMOTIONAL INTENSITY THAT MAKES WWX WANT TO CRY EVERY TIME LWJ TELLS HIM HE LOVES HIM OKAY BYE

cap mercury- reserved, brief, to the point. all in character.

cap venus- warm and emotional behind a cool demanor???? If that aint him???? soulful, intentional, and a rich motherfucker. yes yes yes.

OKAY THE LEO MARS MAKES THE MOST SENSE. Everyone’s so suprised to see him tell wwx to shut up and get out so many times in the beginning of wwx’s stay at the cloud recesses. But leo mars really does give him quite the temper. He’s got a bit of an ego, even if he doesn’t show it all that often. he needs to be the best at everything he does- and he is. he’s truly hanguang-jun. also in novel canon, he a dom top. and we love him for it. he knows what he wants. he knows how to get it.

okay normally i don’t put much thought into outer/generational planets, but because this is a “historical” tale, i think it’s important to put his personality into context. of course, none of these planets have an incredibly direct hand into the personality, they more give context and the foundations of the personality given your generation. first off- the sagittarius jupiter is actually so true?? he shows up in the chaos, he gets into the thick of conflicts all over the place. of course he does, how else is he supposed to learn? even if he’s quiet and doesn’t show all the character development he goes through, it’s there. there’s a reason why after wwx comes back to life, that he doesn’t really go after him for demonic cultivation. it’s because lwj seeked out places that put him out of his comfort zone (finding wwx in the burial grounds after the sunshot campaign to see all the wens, following wwx after his massacre), that really taught him the lesson “what is right? what is wrong? what is black? what is white?” let me tell you, if he just stayed in the cloud recesses year round, he would not have arrived at that conclusion. and he sure as hell comes off as aloof. if you don’t think so, ask su she.

we don’t really get to see much of lwj’s domestic life in the thick of the plot, so it’s hard to say how accurate his saturn sign is. all i know is that he’s reliable and stable as hell.

doing research on the libra uranus placement cracked me the fuck up. musically gifted? check? your romantic partner dying and leaving you alone? check. unconventional relationships? check. that last one i really want to stress. being “cutsleeve” in that historical context is very unconventional. also, given the romantic relationship that has been modelled to him in his most formative years, a stable, healthy relationship with good communication is rather unconventional. for sure, he challenges laws, norms and relationships throughout the cultivation world.

the scorpio neptune i also found really fascinating. as painful as it is for us to admit, for a long time, lan zhan’s desires and love for wwx can be interpreted as a bit selfish. not inherently!!! just that it was unrequited, and especially since wwx screamed at him in a cave as he lay dying and lwj just told him over and over again that he loved him. (wanna stress!! love is not inherently selfish!!! context!!!) he also has an undeniable tendency to self sacrifice. all the fucking time. he just don’t stop. every opportunity that he can take to punish himself for not adhering to his childhood standards, he physically punishes himself. he blames himself for a shitton of things that’s happened to him. and this is a major conflict for his character development. i also find it interesting that the scorp neptune gives an interest in the esoteric/occult. given that this is a fantasy world where he gets to go kill monsters and demons, i find this very interesting.

cancer pluto. hoooooo booyyyyy. he sure as hell tries to control his emotions. from what we, the audience, can see, he seems to have a very intense emotional world. this is only proven further by his scorpio moon and neptune. his dedication to waiting for his deceased mother for a month after she passed, his continued attachment to his uncle despite lqr’s devout hatred of the love of his life, and his dedicated attachment to wwx, this seems pretty true to me. and if anyone tries to tell me he doesnt cling to his childhood belief systems despite their contrast to his current desires, idk what ill do. Ill have to reread and rewatch everything.

oh boy!!! this was actually so much fun. if i got anything wrong, lmk!! ill make edits!! bc i did this all within an hour in the middle of the night, completely dehydrated lol

thanks for reading this far!!!

#mo dao zu shi #the untamed #lan wangji #lan zhan #hanguang-jun #hanguangjun #wei wuxian #yiling patriarch #wei ying #astrology #!!!! this was so so so fun!!!!!!

[king-galaxius]

Prem Joshua - Funky Guru

Prem Joshua – Funky Guru

Prem Joshua – Funky Guru Prem Joshua – Funky Guru Born in Germany to a musical family, Joshua began learning the flute at the age of five, becoming a fine flautist while still a child. As a teenager he was soon performing in various Rock, Jazz and Fusion bands as a flute and saxophone player, always searching for new ways of expressing and expanding his music. However, a musical “discontent”,…

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#a musical "discontent" #always searching for new ways of expressing and expanding his music. However #becoming a fine flautist while still a child. As a teenager he was soon performing in various Rock #combined with his search for the spiritual #Jazz and Fusion bands as a flute and saxophone player #Joshua began learning the flute at the age of five #perhaps inevitably #Prem Joshua - Funky Guru Born in Germany to a musical family #pulled him #towards India - her culture and her music. #Youtube

[thepropertylovers]

Feature Friday with Matthew Chaffee

Happy Friday, friends. Though the weeks are running together and what day it is means almost nothing anymore, we’re so happy it’s finally the weekend. The last few weeks have been some of the busiest for us (feeling grateful for that) and we’re looking forward to relaxing just a bit this weekend. Do you have any fun plans?

This week’s Feature Friday is Matthew, who shares what it was like growing up in a conservative environment, the response he got from his senior high school class when he came out in front of them by reading an essay (!), and his advice for those struggling to come out. We enjoyed getting to know Matthew and we think you will, too. See what we mean below…

What is your favorite place you’ve ever traveled to and why? Unfortunately, my answer to this question isn’t very exciting. Growing up, my family never had a lot of extra money to spend on traveling, so most of our vacations consisted of road trips around the Midwest. Don’t get me wrong, I got to see some fascinating places and make great memories with my family, but I haven’t been anywhere particularly exotic. I have been to New York City twice, both times for a music department tour in high school, and I’d have to say that it’s probably my favorite place I’ve traveled to. It was so much bigger and so much more cosmopolitan than anything I had ever seen or was used to, so it was quite overwhelming. The sheer vibrancy of it all – the lights, the smells, the languages – was intoxicating. Attending a performance of Phantom of the Opera on Broadway would probably have to go on my list of top ten life experiences thus far. It’s definitely not somewhere I could live for any length of time, but for somewhere to visit, it was phenomenal. 

Where did you grow up? What was your environment like? I’ve spent the entirety of my life living in West Michigan, which, as you may or may not know, is pretty traditional and conservative. More specifically, I’m from Grandville, which is a city of about 16,000 located in the Greater Grand Rapids area. Dutch heritage and Reformed (Protestant) Christian values play a big role in shaping the culture of the circles I grew up in. I attended a Christian Reformed Church, and I was educated in a private Christian school where my graduating class consisted of approximately seventy students. My family consists of myself, my mother, my father, and my brother, who is five years younger than me. I am very close with my parents, and I’d say my relationship with my brother is typical of siblings with our age gap. Family and faith have always been central parts of my life, and I don’t foresee that changing. 

How did your environment growing up shape who you are as a person? Growing up in a pretty conservative area definitely had an impact on my younger years. I remember in elementary school, like many children, I would parrot my parents’ political views when “discussing” politics with my peers. However, with the growing revelation about my sexuality that came with puberty, my views slowly began to change. Another catalyst for my shifting views occurred in middle school, when a good friend of mine was deported to Guatemala due to an error in her parents’ paperwork. The injustice of it all really impacted me and opened my eyes to a world that before had been largely hidden. High school gave me my first opportunity to connect with international students. As I have always been interested in learning about different cultures, I quickly befriended them and even helped start my high school’s International Club, which provided opportunities for American and international students to interact and attend various cultural events. Finally, my Aunt Dawn and Uncle Tim have played a major role in exposing me to issues concerning social justice. Although both of them grew up in West Michigan – just like my parents – their life circumstances have provided them with opportunities not experienced by most of my other family members. Because of this, they have always stood out to me as being somehow “different”, more engaged and more vibrant and passionate than most people I know. As I grew older and began paying more attention to the things my Aunt and Uncle would talk about, I began to realize the value behind the causes they were advocating. When taken together, my friends, my family, my sexuality, and my desire to continuously learn and expand my horizons have shaped me into who I am today. 

What’s one interesting fact about you? Besides English, I’m speak conversational Spanish and basic French and Korean. I also can play piano and trumpet, and I love to sing (though I don’t know if I’m any good or not, since I’m too shy to sing in front of anyone). 

What is one thing you love about yourself? Learning to love myself hasn’t been easy; it’s a process, and definitely something I’m still working on. But one thing I’ve always been proud of is my imagination. I’m a dreamer, and my mind is a wild place. I keep a running note on my phone of all the random, crazy things I think up so that maybe someday I can make them happen. 

What brings you the most joy in life? Oh boy. There are so many things I could talk about here. I love being outdoors. In particular, I love to bike. Bike trails are plentiful where I live, and Grand Rapids has begun to install bike lanes, so getting around and finding new places to ride is a cinch. My favorite ride is from Grand Rapids out to Lake Michigan, which I do a few times every summer with my best friend. Other outdoor activities I enjoy are hiking and hammocking. I firmly believe that everyone should own a good hammock. In addition to outdoor activities, I love to cook and bake. My specialties are ice cream and gourmet mac & cheese. Someday I hope to write a mac & cheese cookbook and title it “MAC: The Complete Guy to Everyone’s Childhood Favorite” (M-A-C are my initials). I also make a mean hummus. I love to learn. I’ve spent countless hours on Wikipedia reading about the most arbitrary topics. Whether it’s German political parties or the Japanese folklore, I’ve probably read about it. Nothing is off limits. As a result, my mind is a veritable treasure trove of random and mostly useless facts. Finally, I find joy in spending quality time with friends and family. Whether it’s playing ultimate frisbee, exploring a new city, dumpster diving at Krispy Kreme (a tradition at my college), or having late-night campfire talks, I’m down for just about anything as long as I’m with the right people. 

How old were you when you came out? What was your experience like? My coming out experience was a rather long process. Pretty much as soon as I began to have romantic feelings toward people, I realized that I had them for both guys and girls. This was around fourth or fifth grade, and I told myself that it was normal, that I wasn’t actually attracted to guys, but that I just knew that some guys were really good-looking. Once I reached middle school, I started to come to terms with the fact that maybe I was attracted to guys. But I continued to tell myself that I was more attracted to girls. I did the whole “percentage” thing, where I was like, “okay, I’m eighty percent straight, twenty percent gay.” I first came out as bisexual to my friend Carly. Freshman year of high school I told a few more friends that I was bi, and it went over pretty well. Sophomore year I briefly dated a girl, then junior year I began dating another girl. That lasted for about a year until we broke up early spring of my senior year. The breakup gave me a lot to think about, but even while dating her I realized that something never really felt right; I could never really imagine myself with her – or with any girl for that matter – for the long term. After much soul searching, I finally accepted that I was gay. One of the last big projects senior year was the “Where I Stand” paper. This was an essay written by every senior for English class, and it was basically an opportunity to say whatever you wanted and to be really open and vulnerable and reflect on your life leading up to that point. I decided to incorporate my coming out into my paper. It wasn’t the central focus, rather more of a side note. Thankfully, my English teacher, Mrs. Hoeve (now Dr. Hoeve) was extremely supportive throughout the process. On the day when everyone shared their papers, I concluded mine to thunderous applause, which was especially remarkable considering the fact that most of my classmates came from the same conservative, Reformed Christian background as I did. On the whole, I couldn’t have asked for a better coming-out experience at school. 

How did your friends and family take it? Did you face any backlash? How did/do you deal with that? I waited to come out to my parents until after my graduation and open house in order to not burden them with the news. Finally, after the celebrations had ended, I let them read my paper. The fifteen minutes or so that I waited in my room while they read it downstairs were the most agonizing of my life, because I knew how earth-shattering the revelation would be to them. When they finally came up to my room, their expressions were pretty much what I’d expected – reassuring, yet somehow disheartening at the same time. They assured me that they still loved me, that they were proud of me, and that they were glad I had told them. Since that time, we have only discussed my sexuality on a few occasions. When I first told them that I was dating a guy, it was almost like coming out all over again; I think that revelation finally made my sexuality real to them. In the intervening time, I have seen my mom making definite strides in becoming more open-minded not just toward me but in general, which is great. My dad, though he accepts and loves me, is very set in his ways – though, to be fair, I have had fewer conversations with him regarding my sexuality. My dad’s parents disowned me when I came out to them, though that hasn’t had much of an impact on me due to the fact that I was never very close to them. My mom’s parents, on the other hand, have always been incredible grandparents to me, so coming out to them, especially knowing their stance on other issues, was pretty nerve- wracking. Incredibly, the news didn’t seem to affect them at all, and their treatment of me since that time hasn’t differed in the least; they are still the loving, generous grandparents I’ve always known, and for that I’m extremely thankful. My friends have all been very accepting as well, though this was to be expected considering I have always associated with my more relaxed, open-minded peers. 

What did you learn about yourself in the coming out process? One of the most meaningful lessons I’ve learned about myself in the coming-out process is truly understanding what I value and stand for. I was raised as a Christian, and my faith is still very important to me. If anything, it’s actually become stronger as I’ve navigated the ups and downs of my journey with my sexuality. I’ve talked with numerous gay men who, at one point or another, renounced religion for various reasons, but often those reasons involved the church’s negative treatment or exclusion of LGBTQ+ individuals. To me, this is heartbreaking. As someone who identifies both as gay and as a Christian, seeing the false dichotomy that has been constructed around these two identities is challenging and frustrating, because I personally don’t believe that such exclusivity has any place in either institution. At its core, Christianity is about love. Sure, there are endless theological arguments to be made, but I don’t believe that these are necessary in order for a Christian to be accepting of another’s sexuality. Indeed, many of my friends are Christians; these are the same friends who accept my sexuality and wholeheartedly support me. Furthermore, the professors at the private Christian university I attend vehemently assert that Christianity and social justice go hand- in-hand, and that this includes advocacy for LGBTQ+ rights. Seeing this kind of support coming from within circles that are often viewed as hostile toward the LGBTQ+ community has been so incredibly encouraging. Not only has this served to reinforce my identity as both a gay man and a Christian, but it has also provided me with confidence when speaking about these issues. 

What would you tell today’s LGBTQ youth who are struggling to come out in fear they won’t be accepted by family, friends, society? You just might be surprised. People you’d never expect to support you will rally around you and love you. It’s also possible that people who truly care about you, but who may not be supportive right now, will have a change of heart when they find out. Sometimes it takes time. Case in point: my own parents, who are still processing and learning about what it means to have a gay son. Know, too, that family can mean more than one thing. Friends are the family you choose, so seek out and surround yourself with people who will love and accept you for who you are, especially if your actual family doesn’t. As cliché as it sounds, it does get better. Sometimes you just have to put in the effort to make it better for yourself and accept the challenges along the way. 

What is a difficult or challenging obstacle you have overcame in your life, or hope to overcome? By far the most difficult obstacle I’ve had to overcome in my life has been my struggle with mental illness, namely anxiety and depression. I was extremely anxious as a young child, to the point where I would induce vomiting before any sort of performance or sporting event so that it wouldn’t happen while on stage or on the field. Looking back, I think my anxiety was to blame for a lot of missed opportunities. For example, I don’t view myself as a particularly athletic person. But is this actually true? Or did I just never really try for fear of failure? Anxiety also manifests itself in my relationships. Elementary school friendships were rocky at best, and college presented its own challenges with meeting people and putting myself out there. More recently, depression has been a major struggle in my life. As I mentioned, I struggled initially to make friends at college (though this has since changed), and as I result, I became very depressed. I saw all the people around me getting settled into their friend groups while I felt alone. There was a point where my loneliness led me to seriously contemplate suicide, and I believe that perhaps the only thing that stopped me was when a friend checked in on me and gave me a hug. Since that time, I’ve been working on slowly but surely moving my center of identity to within myself, rather than placing it in other people and their judgements of me. I am focusing on pursuing my hobbies and interests, taking time to care for myself, and accepting my emotions as valid while simultaneously analyzing them through an objective lens. By doing this, I have become less worried about maintaining relationships and instead have been able to be present and actually enjoy them while also feeling more comfortable in the times when I’m alone. 

Who is your biggest inspiration and why? My biggest inspiration is my mom’s sister Dawn. She is one of the wisest, most thoughtful, and most gracious people I know. I actually came out to her before I told my parents; due to her close relationship with my mom, I knew she would have some good suggestions for how to break the news to them, and that she would be able to help my mom process the news after the fact. To give an idea of the type of person Dawn is, here’s a little anecdote: When I worked as a Resident Assistant in college, I had a resident come out to me. I was thrilled and honored to have him entrust me with such a significant part of his identity, and I really valued the opportunity to walk alongside him in his journey. I mentioned to him the role Dawn had played in my own coming-out process, and he asked if she might be willing to offer some advice to his mom. I reached out to Dawn, and she willingly agreed. I came to find out later from this resident that his mother and my aunt had talked for over an hour on the phone. I don’t know very many people who would go so far out of their way to help and support a complete stranger. 

Where do you see yourself in five years? Oh boy. Honestly, I try not to plan too far ahead, because that can be dangerous for an overthinking dreamer like me. But if I had to say, five years from now I actually hope to be doing exactly what you guys (PJ & Thomas) are doing. I joke that my dream is to have my own HGTV show, and while the odds of that happening are slim to none, I’d be happy to flip houses and develop property even without a TV show. I also hope to meet the man of my dreams, get married, and start a family, though this might take a little longer than five years down the road to happen. My greatest fear is actually never finding love. I know it seems a little ridiculous for a twenty-one-year-old to be worrying about that sort of thing, but it’s hard when you have friends who have been in serious relationships for years or who are getting engaged. I have to keep reminding myself that people find love at different times and in different places, and that I shouldn’t compare my own journey with others’.

Any last words you want to leave people with? Feel free to share! Feel free to message me! I always love getting to meet new people and hear their stories.

Thank you so much, Matthew! You can follow him on Instagram here. Hope you have a great weekend, friends!! xx

P&T

[barbara-stanwyck-1907-1990]

Barbara Stanwyck (born Ruby Catherine Stevens; July 16, 1907 – January 20, 1990) was an American actress, model and dancer. A stage, film and television star, she was known during her 60-year career as a consummate and versatile professional for her strong, realistic screen presence. A favorite of directors including Cecil B. DeMille, Fritz Lang and Frank Capra, she made 85 films in 38 years before turning to television.

Stanwyck got her start on the stage in the chorus as a Ziegfeld girl in 1923 at age 16 and within a few years was acting in plays. She was then cast in her first lead role in Burlesque (1927), becoming a Broadway star. Soon after that, Stanwyck obtained film roles and got her major break when Frank Capra chose her for his romantic drama Ladies of Leisure (1930), which led to additional lead roles.

In 1937 she had the title role in Stella Dallas and received her first Academy Award nomination for best actress. In 1941 she starred in two successful screwball comedies: Ball of Fire with Gary Cooper, and The Lady Eve with Henry Fonda. She received her second Academy Award nomination for Ball of Fire, and in recent decades The Lady Eve has come to be regarded as a romantic comedy classic with Stanwyck's performance called one of the best in American comedy.

By 1944, Stanwyck had become the highest-paid woman in the United States. She starred alongside Fred MacMurray in the seminal film noir Double Indemnity (1944), playing the smoldering wife who persuades MacMurray's insurance salesman to kill her husband. Described as one of the ultimate portrayals of villainy, it is widely thought that Stanwyck should have won the Academy Award for Best Actress rather than being just nominated. She received another Oscar nomination for her lead performance as an invalid wife overhearing her own murder plot in the thriller film noir, Sorry, Wrong Number (1948). After she moved into television in the 1960s, she won three Emmy Awards – for The Barbara Stanwyck Show (1961), the western series The Big Valley (1966), and miniseries The Thorn Birds (1983).

She received an Honorary Oscar in 1982, the Golden Globe Cecil B. DeMille Award in 1986 and was the recipient of several other honorary lifetime awards. She was ranked as the 11th greatest female star of classic American cinema by the American Film Institute. An orphan at the age of four, and partially raised in foster homes, she always worked; one of her directors, Jacques Tourneur, said of Stanwyck, "She only lives for two things, and both of them are work."

Barbara Stanwyck was born Ruby Catherine Stevens on July 16, 1907, in Brooklyn, New York. She was the fifth – and youngest – child of Catherine Ann (née McPhee) (1870-1911) and Byron E. Stevens (1872-1919), working-class parents. Her father, of English descent, was a native of Lanesville, Massachusetts, and her mother, of Scottish descent, was an immigrant from Sydney, Nova Scotia. When Ruby was four, her mother died of complications from a miscarriage after she was knocked off a moving streetcar by a drunk. Two weeks after the funeral, her father joined a work crew digging the Panama Canal and was never seen again by his family. Ruby and her older brother, Malcolm Byron (later nicknamed "By") Stevens, were raised by their eldest sister Laura Mildred, (later Mildred Smith) (1886–1931), who died of a heart attack at age 45. When Mildred got a job as a showgirl, Ruby and Byron were placed in a series of foster homes (as many as four in a year), from which young Ruby often ran away.

"I knew that after fourteen I'd have to earn my own living, but I was willing to do that ... I've always been a little sorry for pampered people, and of course, they're 'very' sorry for me."

Ruby toured with Mildred during the summers of 1916 and 1917, and practiced her sister's routines backstage. Watching the movies of Pearl White, whom Ruby idolized, also influenced her drive to be a performer. At the age of 14, she dropped out of school, taking a package wrapping job at a Brooklyn department store. Ruby never attended high school, "although early biographical thumbnail sketches had her attending Brooklyn's famous Erasmus Hall High School."

Soon afterward, she took a filing job at the Brooklyn telephone office for $14 a week, which allowed her to become financially independent. She disliked the job; her real goal was to enter show business, even as her sister Mildred discouraged the idea. She then took a job cutting dress patterns for Vogue magazine, but customers complained about her work and she was fired. Ruby's next job was as a typist for the Jerome H. Remick Music Company; work she reportedly enjoyed, however her continuing ambition was in show business, and her sister finally gave up trying to dissuade her.

In 1923, a few months before her 16th birthday, Ruby auditioned for a place in the chorus at the Strand Roof, a nightclub over the Strand Theatre in Times Square. A few months later, she obtained a job as a dancer in the 1922 and 1923 seasons of the Ziegfeld Follies, dancing at the New Amsterdam Theater. "I just wanted to survive and eat and have a nice coat", Stanwyck said. For the next several years, she worked as a chorus girl, performing from midnight to seven a.m. at nightclubs owned by Texas Guinan. She also occasionally served as a dance instructor at a speakeasy for gays and lesbians owned by Guinan. One of her good friends during those years was pianist Oscar Levant, who described her as being "wary of sophisticates and phonies."

Billy LaHiff, who owned a popular pub frequented by showpeople, introduced Ruby in 1926 to impresario Willard Mack. Mack was casting his play The Noose, and LaHiff suggested that the part of the chorus girl be played by a real one. Mack agreed, and after a successful audition gave the part to Ruby. She co-starred with Rex Cherryman and Wilfred Lucas. As initially staged, the play was not a success. In an effort to improve it, Mack decided to expand Ruby's part to include more pathos. The Noose re-opened on October 20, 1926, and became one of the most successful plays of the season, running on Broadway for nine months and 197 performances. At the suggestion of David Belasco, Ruby changed her name to Barbara Stanwyck by combining the first name from the play Barbara Frietchie with the last name of the actress in the play, Jane Stanwyck; both were found on a 1906 theater program.

Stanwyck became a Broadway star soon afterward, when she was cast in her first leading role in Burlesque (1927). She received rave reviews, and it was a huge hit. Film actor Pat O'Brien would later say on a 1960s talk show, "The greatest Broadway show I ever saw was a play in the 1920s called 'Burlesque'." Arthur Hopkins described in his autobiography To a Lonely Boy, how he came to cast Stanwyck:

After some search for the girl, I interviewed a nightclub dancer who had just scored in a small emotional part in a play that did not run [The Noose]. She seemed to have the quality I wanted, a sort of rough poignancy. She at once displayed more sensitive, easily expressed emotion than I had encountered since Pauline Lord. She and Skelly were the perfect team, and they made the play a great success. I had great plans for her, but the Hollywood offers kept coming. There was no competing with them. She became a picture star. She is Barbara Stanwyck.

He also called Stanwyck "The greatest natural actress of our time", noting with sadness, "One of the theater's great potential actresses was embalmed in celluloid."

Around this time, Stanwyck was given a screen test by producer Bob Kane for his upcoming 1927 silent film Broadway Nights. She lost the lead role because she could not cry in the screen test, but was given a minor part as a fan dancer. This was Stanwyck's first film appearance.

While playing in Burlesque, Stanwyck was introduced to her future husband, actor Frank Fay, by Oscar Levant. Stanwyck and Fay were married on August 26, 1928, and soon moved to Hollywood.

Stanwyck's first sound film was The Locked Door (1929), followed by Mexicali Rose, released in the same year. Neither film was successful; nonetheless, Frank Capra chose Stanwyck for his film Ladies of Leisure (1930). Her work in that production established an enduring friendship with the director and led to future roles in his films. Other prominent roles followed, among them as a nurse who saves two little girls from being gradually starved to death by Clark Gable's vicious character in Night Nurse (1931). In Edna Ferber's novel brought to screen by William Wellman, she portrays small town teacher and valiant Midwest farm woman Selena in So Big! (1932). She followed with a performance as an ambitious woman "sleeping" her way to the top from "the wrong side of the tracks" in Baby Face (1933), a controversial pre-Code classic. In The Bitter Tea of General Yen (1933), another controversial pre-Code film by director Capra, Stanwyck portrays an idealistic Christian caught behind the lines of Chinese civil war kidnapped by warlord Nils Asther. A flop at the time, containing "mysterious-East mumbo jumbo", the lavish film is "dark stuff, and its difficult to imagine another actress handling this ... philosophical conversion as fearlessly as Ms. Stanwyck does. She doesn't make heavy weather of it."

In Stella Dallas (1937) she plays the self-sacrificing title character who eventually allows her teenage daughter to live a better life somewhere else. She landed her first Academy Award nomination for Best Actress when she was able to portray her character as vulgar, yet sympathetic as required by the movie. Next, she played Molly Monahan in Union Pacific (1939) with Joel McCrea. Stanwyck was reportedly one of the many actresses considered for the role of Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind (1939), although she did not receive a screen test. In Meet John Doe she plays an ambitious newspaperwoman with Gary Cooper (1941).

In Preston Sturges's romantic comedy The Lady Eve (1941), she plays a slinky, sophisticated con-woman who falls for her intended victim, the guileless, wealthy snake-collector and scientist Henry Fonda, she "gives off an erotic charge that would straighten a boa constrictor." Film critic David Thomson described Stanwyck as "giving one of the best American comedy performances", and its reviewed as brilliantly versatile in "her bravura double performance" by The Guardian. The Lady Eve is among the top 100 movies of all time on Time and Entertainment Weekly's lists, and is considered to be both a great comedy and a great romantic film with its placement at #55 on the AFI's 100 Years ...100 Laughs list and #26 on its 100 Years ...100 Passions list.

Next, she was the extremely successful, independent doctor Helen Hunt in You Belong to Me (1941), also with Fonda. Stanwyck then played nightclub performer Sugerpuss O'Shea in the Howard Hawks directed, but Billy Wilder written comedy Ball of Fire (1941). In this update of the Snow White and Seven Dwarfs tale, she gives professor Gary Cooper a better understanding of "modern English" in the performance for which she received an Academy Award nomination for Best Actress.

In Double Indemnity, the seminal film noir thriller directed by Billy Wilder, she plays the sizzling, scheming wife/blonde tramp/"destiny in high heels" who lures an infatuated insurance salesman (Fred MacMurray) into killing her husband. Stanwyck brings out the cruel nature of the "grim, unflinching murderess", marking her as the "most notorious femme" in the film noir genre. Her insolent, self-possessed wife is one of the screen's "definitive studies of villainy - and should (it is widely thought) have won the Oscar for Best Actress", not just been nominated. Double Indemnity is usually considered to be among the top 100 films of all time, though it did not win any of its seven Academy Award nominations. It is the #38 film of all time on the American Film Institute's list, as well as the #24 on its 100 Years ...100 Thrillers list and #84 on its 100 Years ...100 Passions list.

She plays the columnist caught up in white lies and a holiday romance in Christmas in Connecticut (1945). In 1946 she was "liquid nitrogen" as Martha, a manipulative murderess, costarring with Van Heflin and newcomer Kirk Douglas in The Strange Love of Martha Ivers. Stanwyck was also the vulnerable, invalid wife that overhears her own murder being plotted in Sorry, Wrong Number (1948) and the doomed concert pianist in The Other Love (1947). In the latter film's soundtrack, the piano music is actually being performed by Ania Dorfmann, who drilled Stanwyck for three hours a day until the actress was able to synchronize the motion of her arms and hands to match the music's tempo, giving a convincing impression that it is Stanwyck playing the piano.

Pauline Kael, a longtime film critic for The New Yorker, admired the natural appearance of Stanwyck's acting style on screen, noting that she "seems to have an intuitive understanding of the fluid physical movements that work best on camera". In reference to the actress's film work during the early sound era, Kael observed that the "early talkies sentimentality...only emphasizes Stanwyck's remarkable modernism."

Many of her roles involve strong characters, yet Stanwyck was known for her accessibility and kindness to the backstage crew on any film set. She knew the names of their wives and children. Frank Capra said of Stanwyck: "She was destined to be beloved by all directors, actors, crews and extras. In a Hollywood popularity contest, she would win first prize, hands down." While working on 1954s Cattle Queen of Montana on location in Glacier National Park, she did some of her own stunts, including a swim in the icy lake.[49] A consummate professional, when aged 50, she performed a stunt in Forty Guns. Her character had to fall off her horse and, with her foot caught in the stirrup, be dragged by the galloping animal. This was so dangerous that the movie's professional stunt person refused to do it. Her professionalism on film sets led her to be named an Honorary Member of the Hollywood Stuntmen's Hall of Fame.

William Holden and Stanwyck were longtime friends and when Stanwyck and Holden were presenting the Best Sound Oscar for 1977, he paused to pay a special tribute to her for saving his career when Holden was cast in the lead for Golden Boy (1939). After a series of unsteady daily performances, he was about to be fired, but Stanwyck staunchly defended him, successfully standing up to the film producers. Shortly after Holden's death, Stanwyck recalled the moment when receiving her honorary Oscar: "A few years ago, I stood on this stage with William Holden as a presenter. I loved him very much, and I miss him. He always wished that I would get an Oscar. And so, tonight, my golden boy, you got your wish."

As Stanwyck's film career declined during the 1950s, she moved to television. In 1958 she guest-starred in "Trail to Nowhere", an episode of the Western anthology series Dick Powell's Zane Grey Theatre, portraying a wife who pursues, overpowers, and kills the man who murdered her husband. Later, in 1961, her drama series The Barbara Stanwyck Show was not a ratings success, but it earned her an Emmy Award. The show ran for a total of thirty-six episodes. She also guest-starred in this period on other television series, such as The Untouchables with Robert Stack and in four episodes of Wagon Train.

She stepped back into film for the 1964 Elvis Presley film Roustabout, in which she plays a carnival owner.

The western television series, The Big Valley, which was broadcast on ABC from 1965 to 1969, made her one of the most popular actresses on television, winning her another Emmy. She was billed in the series' opening credits as "Miss Barbara Stanwyck" for her role as Victoria, the widowed matriarch of the wealthy Barkley family. In 1965, the plot of her 1940 movie Remember the Night was adapted and used to develop the teleplay for The Big Valley episode "Judgement in Heaven".

In 1983, Stanwyck earned her third Emmy for The Thorn Birds. In 1985 she made three guest appearances in the primetime soap opera Dynasty prior to the launch of its short-lived spin-off series, The Colbys, in which she starred alongside Charlton Heston, Stephanie Beacham and Katharine Ross. Unhappy with the experience, Stanwyck remained with the series for only the first season, and her role as "Constance Colby Patterson" would be her last. It was rumored Earl Hamner Jr., former producer of The Waltons, had initially wanted Stanwyck for the role of Angela Channing in the 1980s soap opera Falcon Crest, and she turned it down, with the role going to her friend, Jane Wyman; when asked Hamner assured Wyman it was a rumor.

Stanwyck's retirement years were active, with charity work outside the limelight. In 1981, she was awakened in the middle of the night, inside her home in the exclusive Trousdale section of Beverly Hills, by an intruder, who first hit her on the head with his flashlight, then forced her into a closet while he robbed her of $40,000 in jewels.

The following year, in 1982, while filming The Thorn Birds, the inhalation of special-effects smoke on the set may have caused her to contract bronchitis, which was compounded by her cigarette habit; she was a smoker from the age of nine until four years before her death.

Stanwyck died on January 20, 1990, aged 82, of congestive heart failure and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) at Saint John's Health Center in Santa Monica, California. She had indicated that she wanted no funeral service. In accordance with her wishes, her remains were cremated and the ashes scattered from a helicopter over Lone Pine, California, where she had made some of her western films.

[and-then-there-were-n0ne]

In the economic sphere too, the ability to hold a hammer or press a button is becoming less valuable than before. In the past, there were many things only humans could do. But now robots and computers are catching up, and may soon outperform humans in most tasks. True, computers function very differently from humans, and it seems unlikely that computers will become humanlike any time soon. In particular, it doesn’t seem that computers are about to gain consciousness, and to start experiencing emotions and sensations. Over the last decades there has been an immense advance in computer intelligence, but there has been exactly zero advance in computer consciousness. As far as we know, computers in 2016 are no more conscious than their prototypes in the 1950s. However, we are on the brink of a momentous revolution. Humans are in danger of losing their value, because intelligence is decoupling from consciousness.

Until today, high intelligence always went hand in hand with a developed consciousness. Only conscious beings could perform tasks that required a lot of intelligence, such as playing chess, driving cars, diagnosing diseases or identifying terrorists. However, we are now developing new types of non-conscious intelligence that can perform such tasks far better than humans. For all these tasks are based on pattern recognition, and non-conscious algorithms may soon excel human consciousness in recognising patterns. This raises a novel question: which of the two is really important, intelligence or consciousness? As long as they went hand in hand, debating their relative value was just a pastime for philosophers. But in the twenty-first century, this is becoming an urgent political and economic issue. And it is sobering to realise that, at least for armies and corporations, the answer is straightforward: intelligence is mandatory but consciousness is optional.

Armies and corporations cannot function without intelligent agents, but they don’t need consciousness and subjective experiences. The conscious experiences of a flesh-and-blood taxi driver are infinitely richer than those of a self-driving car, which feels absolutely nothing. The taxi driver can enjoy music while navigating the busy streets of Seoul. His mind may expand in awe as he looks up at the stars and contemplates the mysteries of the universe. His eyes may fill with tears of joy when he sees his baby girl taking her very first step. But the system doesn’t need all that from a taxi driver. All it really wants is to bring passengers from point A to point B as quickly, safely and cheaply as possible. And the autonomous car will soon be able to do that far better than a human driver, even though it cannot enjoy music or be awestruck by the magic of existence.

Indeed, if we forbid humans to drive taxis and cars altogether, and give computer algorithms monopoly over traffic, we can then connect all vehicles to a single network, and thereby make car accidents virtually impossible. In August 2015, one of Google’s experimental self-driving cars had an accident. As it approached a crossing and detected pedestrians wishing to cross, it applied its brakes. A moment later it was hit from behind by a sedan whose careless human driver was perhaps contemplating the mysteries of the universe instead of watching the road. This could not have happened if both vehicles were steered by interlinked computers. The controlling algorithm would have known the position and intentions of every vehicle on the road, and would not have allowed two of its marionettes to collide. Such a system will save lots of time, money and human lives – but it will also do away with the human experience of driving a car and with tens of millions of human jobs.

Some economists predict that sooner or later, unenhanced humans will be completely useless. While robots and 3D printers replace workers in manual jobs such as manufacturing shirts, highly intelligent algorithms will do the same to white-collar occupations. Bank clerks and travel agents, who a short time ago were completely secure from automation, have become endangered species. How many travel agents do we need when we can use our smartphones to buy plane tickets from an algorithm?

Stock-exchange traders are also in danger. Most trade today is already being managed by computer algorithms, which can process in a second more data than a human can in a year, and that can react to the data much faster than a human can blink. On 23 April 2013, Syrian hackers broke into Associated Press’s official Twitter account. At 13:07 they tweeted that the White House had been attacked and President Obama was hurt. Trade algorithms that constantly monitor newsfeeds reacted in no time, and began selling stocks like mad. The Dow Jones went into free fall, and within sixty seconds lost 150 points, equivalent to a loss of $136 billion! At 13:10 Associated Press clarified that the tweet was a hoax. The algorithms reversed gear, and by 13:13 the Dow Jones had recuperated almost all the losses.

Three years previously, on 6 May 2010, the New York stock exchange underwent an even sharper shock. Within five minutes – from 14:42 to 14:47 – the Dow Jones dropped by 1,000 points, wiping out $1 trillion. It then bounced back, returning to its pre-crash level in a little over three minutes. That’s what happens when super-fast computer programs are in charge of our money. Experts have been trying ever since to understand what happened in this so-called ‘Flash Crash’. We know algorithms were to blame, but we are still not sure exactly what went wrong. Some traders in the USA have already filed lawsuits against algorithmic trading, arguing that it unfairly discriminates against human beings, who simply cannot react fast enough to compete. Quibbling whether this really constitutes a violation of rights might provide lots of work and lots of fees for lawyers.

And these lawyers won’t necessarily be human. Movies and TV series give the impression that lawyers spend their days in court shouting ‘Objection!’ and making impassioned speeches. Yet most run-of-the-mill lawyers spend their time going over endless files, looking for precedents, loopholes and tiny pieces of potentially relevant evidence. Some are busy trying to figure out what happened on the night John Doe got killed, or formulating a gargantuan business contract that will protect their client against every conceivable eventuality. What will be the fate of all these lawyers once sophisticated search algorithms can locate more precedents in a day than a human can in a lifetime, and once brain scans can reveal lies and deceptions at the press of a button? Even highly experienced lawyers and detectives cannot easily spot deceptions merely by observing people’s facial expressions and tone of voice. However, lying involves different brain areas to those used when we tell the truth. We’re not there yet, but it is conceivable that in the not too distant future fMRI scanners could function as almost infallible truth machines. Where will that leave millions of lawyers, judges, cops and detectives? They might need to go back to school and learn a new profession.

When they get in the classroom, however, they may well discover that the algorithms have got there first. Companies such as Mindojo are developing interactive algorithms that not only teach me maths, physics and history, but also simultaneously study me and get to know exactly who I am. Digital teachers will closely monitor every answer I give, and how long it took me to give it. Over time, they will discern my unique weaknesses as well as my strengths. They will identify what gets me excited, and what makes my eyelids droop. They could teach me thermodynamics or geometry in a way that suits my personality type, even if that particular way doesn’t suit 99 per cent of the other pupils. And these digital teachers will never lose their patience, never shout at me, and never go on strike. It is unclear, however, why on earth I would need to know thermodynamics or geometry in a world containing such intelligent computer programs.

Even doctors are fair game for the algorithms. The first and foremost task of most doctors is to diagnose diseases correctly, and then suggest the best available treatment. If I arrive at the clinic complaining about fever and diarrhoea, I might be suffering from food poisoning. Then again, the same symptoms might result from a stomach virus, cholera, dysentery, malaria, cancer or some unknown new disease. My doctor has only five minutes to make a correct diagnosis, because this is what my health insurance pays for. This allows for no more than a few questions and perhaps a quick medical examination. The doctor then cross-references this meagre information with my medical history, and with the vast world of human maladies. Alas, not even the most diligent doctor can remember all my previous ailments and check-ups. Similarly, no doctor can be familiar with every illness and drug, or read every new article published in every medical journal. To top it all, the doctor is sometimes tired or hungry or perhaps even sick, which affects her judgement. No wonder that doctors often err in their diagnoses, or recommend a less-than-optimal treatment.

Now consider IBM’s famous Watson – an artificial intelligence system that won the Jeopardy! television game show in 2011, beating human former champions. Watson is currently groomed to do more serious work, particularly in diagnosing diseases. An AI such as Watson has enormous potential advantages over human doctors. Firstly, an AI can hold in its databanks information about every known illness and medicine in history. It can then update these databanks every day, not only with the findings of new researches, but also with medical statistics gathered from every clinic and hospital in the world.

Secondly, Watson can be intimately familiar not only with my entire genome and my day-to-day medical history, but also with the genomes and medical histories of my parents, siblings, cousins, neighbours and friends. Watson will know instantly whether I visited a tropical country recently, whether I have recurring stomach infections, whether there have been cases of intestinal cancer in my family or whether people all over town are complaining this morning about diarrhoea.

Thirdly, Watson will never be tired, hungry or sick, and will have all the time in the world for me. I could sit comfortably on my sofa at home and answer hundreds of questions, telling Watson exactly how I feel. This is good news for most patients (except perhaps hypochondriacs). But if you enter medical school today in the expectation of still being a family doctor in twenty years, maybe you should think again. With such a Watson around, there is not much need for Sherlocks.

This threat hovers over the heads not only of general practitioners, but also of experts. Indeed, it might prove easier to replace doctors specialising in a relatively narrow field such as cancer diagnosis. For example, in a recent experiment a computer algorithm diagnosed correctly 90 per cent of lung cancer cases presented to it, while human doctors had a success rate of only 50 per cent. In fact, the future is already here. CT scans and mammography tests are routinely checked by specialised algorithms, which provide doctors with a second opinion, and sometimes detect tumours that the doctors missed.

A host of tough technical problems still prevent Watson and its ilk from replacing most doctors tomorrow morning. Yet these technical problems – however difficult – need only be solved once. The training of a human doctor is a complicated and expensive process that lasts years. When the process is complete, after ten years of studies and internships, all you get is one doctor. If you want two doctors, you have to repeat the entire process from scratch. In contrast, if and when you solve the technical problems hampering Watson, you will get not one, but an infinite number of doctors, available 24/7 in every corner of the world. So even if it costs $100 billion to make it work, in the long run it would be much cheaper than training human doctors.

And what’s true of doctors is doubly true of pharmacists. In 2011 a pharmacy opened in San Francisco manned by a single robot. When a human comes to the pharmacy, within seconds the robot receives all of the customer’s prescriptions, as well as detailed information about other medicines taken by them, and their suspected allergies. The robot makes sure the new prescriptions don’t combine adversely with any other medicine or allergy, and then provides the customer with the required drug. In its first year of operation the robotic pharmacist provided 2 million prescriptions, without making a single mistake. On average, flesh-and-blood pharmacists get wrong 1.7 per cent of prescriptions. In the United States alone this amounts to more than 50 million prescription errors every year!

Some people argue that even if an algorithm could outperform doctors and pharmacists in the technical aspects of their professions, it could never replace their human touch. If your CT indicates you have cancer, would you like to receive the news from a caring and empathetic human doctor, or from a machine? Well, how about receiving the news from a caring and empathetic machine that tailors its words to your personality type? Remember that organisms are algorithms, and Watson could detect your emotional state with the same accuracy that it detects your tumours.

This idea has already been implemented by some customer-services departments, such as those pioneered by the Chicago-based Mattersight Corporation. Mattersight publishes its wares with the following advert: ‘Have you ever spoken with someone and felt as though you just clicked? The magical feeling you get is the result of a personality connection. Mattersight creates that feeling every day, in call centers around the world.’ When you call customer services with a request or complaint, it usually takes a few seconds to route your call to a representative. In Mattersight systems, your call is routed by a clever algorithm. You first state the reason for your call. The algorithm listens to your request, analyses the words you have chosen and your tone of voice, and deduces not only your present emotional state but also your personality type – whether you are introverted, extroverted, rebellious or dependent. Based on this information, the algorithm links you to the representative that best matches your mood and personality. The algorithm knows whether you need an empathetic person to patiently listen to your complaints, or you prefer a no-nonsense rational type who will give you the quickest technical solution. A good match means both happier customers and less time and money wasted by the customer-services department.

The most important question in twenty-first-century economics may well be what to do with all the superfluous people. What will conscious humans do, once we have highly intelligent non-conscious algorithms that can do almost everything better?

Throughout history the job market was divided into three main sectors: agriculture, industry and services. Until about 1800, the vast majority of people worked in agriculture, and only a small minority worked in industry and services. During the Industrial Revolution people in developed countries left the fields and herds. Most began working in industry, but growing numbers also took up jobs in the services sector. In recent decades developed countries underwent another revolution, as industrial jobs vanished, whereas the services sector expanded. In 2010 only 2 per cent of Americans worked in agriculture, 20 per cent worked in industry, 78 per cent worked as teachers, doctors, webpage designers and so forth. When mindless algorithms are able to teach, diagnose and design better than humans, what will we do?

This is not an entirely new question. Ever since the Industrial Revolution erupted, people feared that mechanisation might cause mass unemployment. This never happened, because as old professions became obsolete, new professions evolved, and there was always something humans could do better than machines. Yet this is not a law of nature, and nothing guarantees it will continue to be like that in the future. Humans have two basic types of abilities: physical abilities and cognitive abilities. As long as machines competed with us merely in physical abilities, you could always find cognitive tasks that humans do better. So machines took over purely manual jobs, while humans focused on jobs requiring at least some cognitive skills. Yet what will happen once algorithms outperform us in remembering, analysing and recognising patterns?

The idea that humans will always have a unique ability beyond the reach of non-conscious algorithms is just wishful thinking. True, at present there are numerous things that organic algorithms do better than non-organic ones, and experts have repeatedly declared that something will ‘for ever’ remain beyond the reach of non-organic algorithms. But it turns out that ‘for ever’ often means no more than a decade or two. Until a short time ago, facial recognition was a favourite example of something which even babies accomplish easily but which escaped even the most powerful computers on earth. Today facial-recognition programs are able to recognise people far more efficiently and quickly than humans can. Police forces and intelligence services now use such programs to scan countless hours of video footage from surveillance cameras, tracking down suspects and criminals.

In the 1980s when people discussed the unique nature of humanity, they habitually used chess as primary proof of human superiority. They believed that computers would never beat humans at chess. On 10 February 1996, IBM’s Deep Blue defeated world chess champion Garry Kasparov, laying to rest that particular claim for human pre-eminence.

Deep Blue was given a head start by its creators, who preprogrammed it not only with the basic rules of chess, but also with detailed instructions regarding chess strategies. A new generation of AI uses machine learning to do even more remarkable and elegant things. In February 2015 a program developed by Google DeepMind learned by itself how to play forty-nine classic Atari games. One of the developers, Dr Demis Hassabis, explained that ‘the only information we gave the system was the raw pixels on the screen and the idea that it had to get a high score. And everything else it had to figure out by itself.’ The program managed to learn the rules of all the games it was presented with, from Pac-Man and Space Invaders to car racing and tennis games. It then played most of them as well as or better than humans, sometimes coming up with strategies that never occur to human players.

Computer algorithms have recently proven their worth in ball games, too. For many decades, baseball teams used the wisdom, experience and gut instincts of professional scouts and managers to pick players. The best players fetched millions of dollars, and naturally enough the rich teams got the cream of the market, whereas poorer teams had to settle for the scraps. In 2002 Billy Beane, the manager of the low-budget Oakland Athletics, decided to beat the system. He relied on an arcane computer algorithm developed by economists and computer geeks to create a winning team from players that human scouts overlooked or undervalued. The old-timers were incensed by Beane’s algorithm transgressing into the hallowed halls of baseball. They said that picking baseball players is an art, and that only humans with an intimate and long-standing experience of the game can master it. A computer program could never do it, because it could never decipher the secrets and the spirit of baseball.

They soon had to eat their baseball caps. Beane’s shoestring-budget algorithmic team ($44 million) not only held its own against baseball giants such as the New York Yankees ($125 million), but became the first team ever in American League baseball to win twenty consecutive games. Not that Beane and Oakland could enjoy their success for long. Soon enough, many other baseball teams adopted the same algorithmic approach, and since the Yankees and Red Sox could pay far more for both baseball players and computer software, low-budget teams such as the Oakland Athletics now had an even smaller chance of beating the system than before.

In 2004 Professor Frank Levy from MIT and Professor Richard Murnane from Harvard published a thorough research of the job market, listing those professions most likely to undergo automation. Truck drivers were given as an example of a job that could not possibly be automated in the foreseeable future. It is hard to imagine, they wrote, that algorithms could safely drive trucks on a busy road. A mere ten years later, Google and Tesla not only imagine this, but are actually making it happen.

In fact, as time goes by, it becomes easier and easier to replace humans with computer algorithms, not merely because the algorithms are getting smarter, but also because humans are professionalising. Ancient hunter-gatherers mastered a very wide variety of skills in order to survive, which is why it would be immensely difficult to design a robotic hunter-gatherer. Such a robot would have to know how to prepare spear points from flint stones, how to find edible mushrooms in a forest, how to use medicinal herbs to bandage a wound, how to track down a mammoth and how to coordinate a charge with a dozen other hunters. However, over the last few thousand years we humans have been specialising. A taxi driver or a cardiologist specialises in a much narrower niche than a hunter-gatherer, which makes it easier to replace them with AI.

Even the managers in charge of all these activities can be replaced. Thanks to its powerful algorithms, Uber can manage millions of taxi drivers with only a handful of humans. Most of the commands are given by the algorithms without any need of human supervision. In May 2014 Deep Knowledge Ventures – a Hong Kong venture-capital firm specialising in regenerative medicine – broke new ground by appointing an algorithm called VITAL to its board. VITAL makes investment recommendations by analysing huge amounts of data on the financial situation, clinical trials and intellectual property of prospective companies. Like the other five board members, the algorithm gets to vote on whether the firm makes an investment in a specific company or not.

Examining VITAL’s record so far, it seems that it has already picked up one managerial vice: nepotism. It has recommended investing in companies that grant algorithms more authority. With VITAL’s blessing, Deep Knowledge Ventures has recently invested in Silico Medicine, which develops computer-assisted methods for drug research, and in Pathway Pharmaceuticals, which employs a platform called OncoFinder to select and rate personalised cancer therapies.

As algorithms push humans out of the job market, wealth might become concentrated in the hands of the tiny elite that owns the all-powerful algorithms, creating unprecedented social inequality. Alternatively, the algorithms might not only manage businesses, but actually come to own them. At present, human law already recognises intersubjective entities like corporations and nations as ‘legal persons’. Though Toyota or Argentina has neither a body nor a mind, they are subject to international laws, they can own land and money, and they can sue and be sued in court. We might soon grant similar status to algorithms. An algorithm could then own a venture-capital fund without having to obey the wishes of any human master.

If the algorithm makes the right decisions, it could accumulate a fortune, which it could then invest as it sees fit, perhaps buying your house and becoming your landlord. If you infringe on the algorithm’s legal rights – say, by not paying rent – the algorithm could hire lawyers and sue you in court. If such algorithms consistently outperform human fund managers, we might end up with an algorithmic upper class owning most of our planet. This may sound impossible, but before dismissing the idea, remember that most of our planet is already legally owned by non-human inter-subjective entities, namely nations and corporations. Indeed, 5,000 years ago much of Sumer was owned by imaginary gods such as Enki and Inanna. If gods can possess land and employ people, why not algorithms?

So what will people do? Art is often said to provide us with our ultimate (and uniquely human) sanctuary. In a world where computers replace doctors, drivers, teachers and even landlords, everyone would become an artist. Yet it is hard to see why artistic creation will be safe from the algorithms. Why are we so sure computers will be unable to better us in the composition of music? According to the life sciences, art is not the product of some enchanted spirit or metaphysical soul, but rather of organic algorithms recognising mathematical patterns. If so, there is no reason why non-organic algorithms couldn’t master it.

David Cope is a musicology professor at the University of California in Santa Cruz. He is also one of the more controversial figures in the world of classical music. Cope has written programs that compose concertos, chorales, symphonies and operas. His first creation was named EMI (Experiments in Musical Intelligence), which specialised in imitating the style of Johann Sebastian Bach. It took seven years to create the program, but once the work was done, EMI composed 5,000 chorales à la Bach in a single day. Cope arranged a performance of a few select chorales in a music festival at Santa Cruz. Enthusiastic members of the audience praised the wonderful performance, and explained excitedly how the music touched their innermost being. They didn’t know it was composed by EMI rather than Bach, and when the truth was revealed, some reacted with glum silence, while others shouted in anger.

EMI continued to improve, and learned to imitate Beethoven, Chopin, Rachmaninov and Stravinsky. Cope got EMI a contract, and its first album – Classical Music Composed by Computer – sold surprisingly well. Publicity brought increasing hostility from classical-music buffs. Professor Steve Larson from the University of Oregon sent Cope a challenge for a musical showdown. Larson suggested that professional pianists play three pieces one after the other: one by Bach, one by EMI, and one by Larson himself. The audience would then be asked to vote who composed which piece. Larson was convinced people would easily tell the difference between soulful human compositions, and the lifeless artefact of a machine. Cope accepted the challenge. On the appointed date, hundreds of lecturers, students and music fans assembled in the University of Oregon’s concert hall. At the end of the performance, a vote was taken. The result? The audience thought that EMI’s piece was genuine Bach, that Bach’s piece was composed by Larson, and that Larson’s piece was produced by a computer.

Critics continued to argue that EMI’s music is technically excellent, but that it lacks something. It is too accurate. It has no depth. It has no soul. Yet when people heard EMI’s compositions without being informed of their provenance, they frequently praised them precisely for their soulfulness and emotional resonance.

Following EMI’s successes, Cope created newer and even more sophisticated programs. His crowning achievement was Annie. Whereas EMI composed music according to predetermined rules, Annie is based on machine learning. Its musical style constantly changes and develops in reaction to new inputs from the outside world. Cope has no idea what Annie is going to compose next. Indeed, Annie does not restrict itself to music composition but also explores other art forms such as haiku poetry. In 2011 Cope published Comes the Fiery Night: 2,000 Haiku by Man and Machine. Of the 2,000 haikus in the book, some are written by Annie, and the rest by organic poets. The book does not disclose which are which. If you think you can tell the difference between human creativity and machine output, you are welcome to test your claim.

In the nineteenth century the Industrial Revolution created a huge new class of urban proletariats, in the twenty-first century we might witness the creation of a new massive class: people devoid of any economic, political or even artistic value, who contribute nothing to the prosperity, power and glory of society.

In September 2013 two Oxford researchers, Carl Benedikt Frey and Michael A. Osborne, published ‘The Future of Employment’, in which they surveyed the likelihood of different professions being taken over by computer algorithms within the next twenty years. The algorithm developed by Frey and Osborne to do the calculations estimated that 47 per cent of US jobs are at high risk. For example, there is a 99 per cent probability that by 2033 human telemarketers and insurance underwriters will lose their jobs to algorithms. There is a 98 per cent probability that the same will happen to sports referees, 97 per cent that it will happen to cashiers and 96 per cent to chefs. Waiters – 94 per cent. Paralegal assistants – 94 per cent. Tour guides – 91 per cent. Bakers – 89 per cent. Bus drivers – 89 per cent. Construction labourers – 88 per cent. Veterinary assistants – 86 per cent. Security guards – 84 per cent. Sailors – 83 per cent. Bartenders – 77 per cent. Archivists – 76 per cent. Carpenters – 72 per cent. Lifeguards – 67 per cent. And so forth. There are of course some safe jobs. The likelihood that computer algorithms will displace archaeologists by 2033 is only 0.7 per cent, because their job requires highly sophisticated types of pattern recognition, and doesn’t produce huge profits. Hence it is improbable that corporations or government will make the necessary investment to automate archaeology within the next twenty years.

Of course, by 2033 many new professions are likely to appear, for example, virtual-world designers. But such professions will probably require much more creativity and flexibility than your run-of-the-mill job, and it is unclear whether forty-year-old cashiers or insurance agents will be able to reinvent themselves as virtual-world designers (just try to imagine a virtual world created by an insurance agent!). And even if they do so, the pace of progress is such that within another decade they might have to reinvent themselves yet again. After all, algorithms might well outperform humans in designing virtual worlds too. The crucial problem isn’t creating new jobs. The crucial problem is creating new jobs that humans perform better than algorithms.

- Yuval Noah Harari, The Great Decoupling in Homo Deus: A Brief History of Tomorrow

#yuval noah harari #the great decoupling #homo deus: a brief history of tomorrow #homo deus

[thedevillord-writes]

Pandora - Worth

"Anything worth having is worth fighting for"

-Susan Elizabeth Phillips

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Coming to an event like so without Eisuke felt odd. She recognised every face but for once, she was not greeting them for business. Times like this, however, reminded Haruka of the harsh reality that she did not belong. As she watched the socialites, she could not help but wonder what it was like to be in their world. Wearing a limited edition dress of an exclusive brand, only to discard it after one wear. Showing off their one and only branded bags but only seen carrying it at the event. Drinking wine like it was water, wine that she would not be able to afford even with her current salary. The more she observed, the more she felt out of place.

A tap on the shoulder snapped her back to reality and Yosuke handed her a glass of white wine, nodding to the other man joining. Haruka recognised the man instantly: Nakahara Yuu. Although with no business relations, she had seen him at such events enough times to know him well. On several occasions, Eisuke was seen speaking with him though they never formed a partnership. He was one of the few people whom Eisuke could tolerate and actually had compliments for. He was a warm person, always greeting with a smile and treated most people like friends and families rather than just associates. The only word that she could think of to describe him was 'grandpa'.

Holding her hand out for a shake, Mr. Nakahara took her hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. There were times when she felt disgusted by such a greeting but never by Mr. Nakahara. He never lingered, never held her hand for more than necessary.

"Just the person I've been looking for. You weren't next to Eisuke when he arrived, I thought I wouldn't get to see you today. Thanks to this young man, I can sleep well tonight with no worries."

"I'm not sure if catch your meaning, sir."

"I can't make a decision regarding a business, and I need your opinion."

Many had tried to take advantage of Haruka before. They knew of her extensive research regarding anything and everything, as long as it was relevant to Eisuke's work. In the business world, information was far more valuable than any power or money. One simple information overlooked could be the end of one's company. Eisuke did his best to protect her from the vultures and Haruka had learnt how to evade such a situation.

Mr. Nakahara, however, was sincere. With Eisuke, he never spoke business. He congratulated Eisuke on all his endeavours, praised him for his natural business mind but that was it. He would talk about Akira and his younger years, his daring moves that set him apart from others and put Ichinomiya Group on top. He especially loved talking about his past, the many wild adventures he went on and those he did not. He was one of those 'Back in my day' people, but his stories were always interesting and never lecturing them about how hard life used to be for them. This was the first time Mr. Nakahara ever asked for business related help and if she was being completely honest, Haruka was a little bewildered.

"M-my opinion?" Haruka asked, double confirming she heard him right. "I don't know much about businesses, Mr. Nakahara. I do the paperwork and research but I have absolutely no idea how to close a deal. Or even make one to begin with."

"Ever the humble woman," Mr. Nakahara smiled, putting a reassuring hand on hers. "You don't know business but you do know companies. You see, I'm looking to invest in power, electricity. I have two companies in mind, both have their strengths and weaknesses, but my board and I can't seem to settle on who has the upper hand between the two. What can you tell me about Synchro-Mana and Abe Electrics?"

Watching Haruka flustering had to be the most entertaining thing in the world. Her expressions changed every two seconds, from confused to shock, from shock to honour, then back to confused. Any other person Yosuke knew would have inflated their ego the second someone paid them a compliment. He was glad he ran into Mr. Nakahara when he did; Yosuke came to this event for him after all. The old man was already looking for her, all Yosuke did was lead the way. Still, depending on her behaviour, Yosuke might be getting one of the most exclusive information he had been after. All for leading the way.

"Abe Electrics is an old company, they've been around for more than seventy years now which means they know what they are doing. Working with them would be very stable and you know for sure that you would be getting quality work. And since they've been around for a while, they would have all the proper connections. The only down side is because the company is senior in the industry, they are traditional. They are very set in their ways and some would say that their techniques and equipment are outdated.

"Synchro-Mana, on the other hand, is a relatively new company. Despite that, their CEO is a very hardworking man and he managed to put them on the market in just three years. Their technologies are all state of the art, and they are full of refreshing ideas. Even as a new company, they are actually leading in renewal energy. The down side to Synchro-Mana, however, is that they are young. There have been rumours regarding attitude and projects being delayed because of new 'better' ideas that they came up with."

"Thank you, Miss Matsuoka."

"I'm not sure if that helped."

"You were of great help," Mr. Nakahara reassured, petting her hand gently. "My secretary will be in touch with you, Yosuke."

With a nod, Mr. Nakahara parted ways with them. Coming to her senses once the man left, Haruka turned to Yosuke with a frown. Why would Mr. Nakahara's secretary be getting in touch with him? She should have known the second she saw Yosuke with the old man. She should have known the reason why he wanted her at this event was not as simple as he needed a date. This was not the first time he used her in such a way, after all.

"You planned this, did you not?"

"I knew Mr. Nakahara would be here tonight, yes," Yosuke nodded. "He's not a very easy man to crack. I've been wanting something from him for a while now, and he kept refusing. Until I found out he wanted to see you," he admitted, shamelessly. "And you did wonderfully! As always, as expected."

"Coming from you, it doesn't sound like a compliment at all. Nor am I appreciating the fact that you're basically pimping me."

"Pimping seems a little harsh. I'd like to describe our relationship as-"

Stopping mid-sentence, Yosuke's attention was suddenly directed elsewhere. He stared intently at the stage, a square platform set up right in the middle of the hall with a grand piano atop. Sat in front of the piano in a pure white dress was the world famous pianist, Kanemoto Misaki. She was playing a piece, very much suiting the atmosphere in the hall. She was barely a few seconds into the piece but just like Yosuke, every person was instantly captivated.

Several times, Eisuke tried to invite her to perform at the I.V.C but the pianist was always too busy. Only two years older than Haruka, she had already done six world tours with each and every concert sold out within half an hour. She started out playing existing pieces then slowly expanded into composing her own. It had been said that she was the musical prodigy of the century. Her music was always simple, not overly decorated with technique yet it had the power to draw the listener in from the very first note to the last.

Though, something else was more intriguing than the pianist's appearance at the event.

The way he was staring at her, the way his eyes softened. His signature mischievous glint was no longer, and she had never seen him so focused before. This was the same Yosuke who regularly tricked her into meeting men she did not ask for. The same Yosuke who had no qualms about conducting background search on strangers without their consent. She never thought she would ever see such a docile Yosuke. An actual human being Yosuke.

She took the chance to step away, to get away from the very scene she needed a break from. Walking out onto the large balcony, she took in a deep breath of fresh air and let it out slowly. No matter how many times she attended these events, she could never get used to them.

"Tired?"

Looking over her shoulder, Haruka found herself bowing slightly to the woman. Sauntering over, Junko joined her by the edge and placed her champagne glass on the ledge. "I didn't know you would be here, Miss Inoue."

"I'm Eisuke's date."

That word never used to bother her. Before Haruka was competent enough, Eisuke brought dates to places too. They would be hooked on his arm all night and he was more than happy to parade them about because it was easier to talk business when there was a beautiful woman to distract the other man. Then Haruka replaced those women. She became his permanent date and he liked it that way; there was no need to entertain her like those women.

If Eisuke brought any other woman, she would not have cared. But Inoue Junko, there was no way she could ever compete with her. Appearance alone, Haruka lost in every way. A model's physique, paired with one of the most beautiful faces around, Haruka was far from her.

"It's good for him, you know, to bring someone else other than his secretary," Junko continued. "After all, a man like Eisuke, it's only logical to pair him with someone who actually fits him. Don't you think?"

"Of course."

"Because what would people think of Eisuke if he were to choose a secretary? Workplace affairs are not unheard of, but to choose a commoner? They would say he's out of his mind. A commoner is never good enough for a blue blood. And a commoner should know their place too. Just because they had a taste of a different world doesn't mean they belong. Do you understand?"

She understood.

Haruka understood every word. They were words she heard all the time, from many women who were determined to get her out of the picture. She heard them so often that she was numb to them. This time, however, every word Junko said felt like a stab straight to her heart.

"That would be Mr. Ichinomiya's choice to make, is it not?" Haruka asked. "Mr. Ichinomiya is not one to care for things like bloodline or background. If you knew him well, you would know that about him."

Her sharp tongue was a skill she had learnt over the years, to fend off all the obnoxious. Over time, she also learnt to enjoy her comebacks and watching the reaction of those snobs when a commoner had rendered them speechless. Even Eisuke found it entertaining and would stand to the side to watch instead of stopping her. But her sharp tongue failed to save her this time.

Anger was evident in Junko's eyes but instead of arguing with her, she picked up the champagne glass and smashed it on the ground before letting out a blood curdling scream. She dropped onto the ground and picked up a broken glass shard. Reacting fast, Haruka reached out to stop Junko only for her to slash her palm with the shard. Before Junko could do anything else, people were already coming out to the balcony.

When he heard the scream, Eisuke looked over to where it came from and quickly lost interest when he saw the crowd by the door. Then he saw Yosuke. He was rushing over to the balcony but Haruka was not with him. He scanned the crowd for her face but she was nowhere to be seen. Without second thoughts, Eisuke started to push through the crowd and there she was, panic written all over her face and her hand bleeding. Just as he was about to run to her, someone caught him by the elbow.

"Eisuke!" Junko cried, putting her head to his chest. "Eisuke, she tried to attack me! I was just trying to talk to her when she threw the champagne glass. She tried to hurt me but I stopped her. It was her!"

"I didn't!" Haruka protested. "She wanted to hurt herself and I tried to stop her. Mr. Ichinomiya, I would never do such a thing."

"Yes you would! Because you are in love with Eisuke and you're jealous that I'm his date!"

Whispers began rippling through the crowd. All those who once complimented Haruka on her hard work, on her dedication, and her good looks, they were now looking at her with judging eyes. No one knew the truth, but they were all standing on Junko's side. She did not need them anyway, she only needed him to believe her. Staring at Eisuke, Haruka waited for him to say he believed her, that Junko was lying.

"She would ne-"

"I don't want to make a big deal out of this, Eisuke. Daddy's not feeling well these few days, I don't want him to worry about me. Let's go before this gets out of hand."

The second she mentioned her father, Eisuke knew what was going on. Junko's father was definitely not a man to mess with, and she knew that Eisuke would not risk his business. Not in public at least. He looked over to Haruka, seeing the desperation in her eyes for his belief. As much as he wanted to run to her side, Eisuke suppressed himself and placed his hands on Junko's shoulder to guide her out.

Watching from the side lines, Yosuke expected Eisuke to run up to Haruka, though he found himself pushing through the crowd when he saw the other man had no intentions of attending to her. As they passed each other, Yosuke stopped Eisuke and glared.

"You're a disappointment. Haruka fell in love with the wrong man."

Without looking back, Yosuke went up to Haruka's side and took her hand in his. The cut on her hand was deep and her bleeding was not stopping, though Haruka seemed to only care about Eisuke who was leaving with another woman. Pulling out a handkerchief, Yosuke pressed it against her cut to try and stop the bleeding but even as he was clumsily dabbing on her wound, Haruka did not react.

"Let's get you to the hospital. This cut is too deep."

"No hospital."

"We have to go, you need to get stitches."

"No hospital."

"You need the hospital, don't be so-"

"No hospital!"

Attention was once again on them when Haruka screamed at him. Yosuke had never seen her like so. When he discovered her background and confronted her, she was angry and upset but she was feisty. She fought back and she made sure that he knew she was not afraid of him. The Haruka now, however, was hysterical. That was the only word Yosuke could think of to describe her. The way she screamed at him, it was too out of character.

Helping her up onto her feet, Yosuke held her other hand and lead the way out of the hotel without another word. There was no talking to her now in her state, but he had to deal with her injury somehow. When the valet brought his car out, Yosuke put her in the passenger seat and drove off; there was only one place he knew to go.

Haruka was silent the entire time. She stared out the window, her hand resting on her lap, but did not say a word. Neither did Yosuke; not when he nearly rear-ended another car at a stoplight, not when he was pretty sure he scratched his car parking, not when he was taking her to the elevator and up to his apartment.

This was the first time he had someone in his apartment. Not even the other guys at Paradiso had set foot in his place. With the nature of his work, keep his private information under wraps after wraps was essential. If they really wanted to know, Yosuke was pretty sure it would not be too hard for the others to find out something on him, especially Taki. Though here, they respected each other. They knew what to ask, and what not to ask. This seemed like the perfect place for her right now.

Searching his entire apartment, Yosuke somehow managed to find the first aid kit that Taki had so kindly provided with the apartment. Sitting her down on the sofa, Yosuke started by taking a look at her hand. The handkerchief he used was soaked through but as he untied it from her hand, he let out a sigh of relief when he saw the bleeding had stopped. Wetting a towel, he cleaned the blood off her hand and around the wound. Then, picking up the disinfectant, he poured some on a cotton pad but his clumsy hand poured some onto her cut instead.

"Shit..."

That much disinfectant on a wound should have the person jumping up and down from the sting. Haruka remained seated on the sofa, her expression unchanging; she did not even flinch. Apologising under his breath, Yosuke continued tending her wound. He took a good hour, cleaning and disinfecting, then carefully stitching up her cut before bandaging it. All the while, Haruka sat silently and emotionless.

"One rainbow, two sugar, three candies, four puppies, and five kisses. Now you are healed."

"What are you doing?"

Just before Yosuke could kiss her fingers while chanting a weird spell, Haruka finally spoke. Looking to her with big eyes, embarrassment was slowly settling and he looked away.

"It's a spell. It's supposed to heal all wounds."

"Can I ask you a question?"

#pdr ch13 #kissed by the baddest bidder #kbtbb #kings of paradise #kop #eisuke ichinomiya #yosuke sagara #so this is a heart wrenching chapter #so much angst yo #but also i managed to write #the entire chapter without #using the line break #how awesome am i #voltage inc

[jyunshiim]

Guitar strings– songwriter Kun NCT

Pairing: songwriter Kun X Reader

Genre: Fluff

Leather. Books. The smell of a freshly burnt out candle lingering through the thin air of the old bookstore(or library sort of thing) you enjoyed going to. It was quiet and only very few people went there so you didn't feel so enclosed in a small corner of the store. The vintage books tainted a soft beige and dark brown leather covers of the journals (which were on sale!) stood idle against the mahogany bookshelves, the dark wood of the tables protruding from against the sides of the wall. The aroma of the manufactured books was closely under your nose as you buried you head in a book. The store had everything you could possibly wish for; a little coffee/ breakfast bar, a vending machine and a juice dispenser (your personal favourite). It felt like home. Your favourite time to come here was during the evening when the sunsets were beautiful, with pinks, reds and oranges painted across the sky; you can see it clearly from the second floor of the store as you sit on the tall stools and look out of the large glass panes that looked into the streets of Seoul. This was how every day was spent.

Sunday 17th January. You flicked through books and vinyls and sat in your usual corner behind the book shelves. There were usually some beanbags and a little tablet put your books, coffees laptops etc on. A sweet smelling perfume wafted past you and your head turned up from the book you were reading. It was strong but very sweet and pleasant. You didn't think too much of it. Standing up carefully, cautious you'd knock over your extremely sweet coffee (which most likely had 5 sugars!) you go to the book shelves and pull out a book. A hand also reached out for the same book and as you took it from the shelf, the person on the other side smiled after a shocked expression.

“Oh sorry, I didn't mean to tug at it too much!” His sweet smile was as sweet as your coffee.

Who was he? His hair was like a soft chocolate truffle only slightly messy, his skin clear and glowing like a golden wonder, his smile as bright as the sun. He had a very calming aura to him. His hoodie was a soft beige and he wore denim ‘mom’ style jeans and carried a guitar bag with him as well as a wondered over to the leather journals section. You hand him the book; “ you can borrow this book, I've already read it,” you shyly smile. He takes the book gently into his hands. “ I just really like the book a lot”you softly chuckle. You didn't pay at the way he looked at you but it was soft and endearing. “ I haven't read this book yet but since you love it so much, I'll definitely read it!” his eyes close as they smile. He gave you a soft giving you a fuzzy feeling in your stomach.

Weeks went on and you continued to encounter him there. He usually sat on a small table across the room to your bean bang corner and you couldn't help but  admire his casual but beautiful looks. The ambience he brought to the store was fitting. you twiddled you thumbs before you stood up, ordered a compressed juice and took it over to him. After all, first impressions matter. “ hey, sorry to disturb you but I got you this freshly compressed apple juice “ you smiled

He looked up at you and smiled appreciatively. “ Thank you so much!” he collects the juice, “ I think a proper introduction would be fitting now” he sipped

“ I’m Kun,” he stood up and pulled a chair out for you. You were certainly flattered. “Thank you Kun, I’m [y/n]” you smiled again shyly.

“ you have a very cute shy smile, it’s quite charming I must say” his mellifluent voice lingered and settled in your ears echoing. 

“ hey, um we should talk sometime” he quickly rips some paper and scribbles his number down and shyly hands it to you. “ we can hang out any time” he suggests

12:34PM: you decide to text him. He was a compassionate being and seemed very beneficent too.

Nervously you stand outside The Book Corner and waited for him. Your head raced with thoughts, mostly negative; what if he stitches you up? what if he isn’t very nice to you or pranks you? you try to set aside these ideas and take a deep breathe, the cold, crisp, autumn air entering your lungs and relaxing you. You glance quickly at a truffle haired boy his hair bouncing to his bubbly walk. His smile radiated a positive aura and he held his leather journal and his guitar bag in both hands. “hey!” his sweet voice sent soft tingles down your back. You clasp your hands together daintily and smiled back; “hey, i must say you’re a rather dedicated musician” you started a conversation.

“is there anywhere you’d like to go?” he asked

“i wouldn’t mind being outdoors for once”

he stood by you and nodded; “perfect! i have a place we could go but i think we’re in need of some food” before gently holds your hand and pulls you in the direction he wanted you to go. You let out a little help before trying to catch up with him.

You stood outside a white house like building. There were flower baskets hanging outside and a silver post box.

“sorry, i brought you to my house because i forgot something”

“ah okay, i’ll wait here” you point to the pavement

“in this cold? i don’t think so” he pull you in to his house

He grabs a few things and throws them into a large duffel bag and grabs a jacket-or two-

“so, what’s your profession?” he asks as you both walk to the mystery location

“well although my hobbies are reading i much prefer the artistic approach” your mellow comforting voice soothed him and he was interested in you.

“ahh so what do you do or study?” his tall build catches your eye as you lift your head to talk to him.

“i study fine art at Seoul University of expressive arts”

“wow that sounds so cool, i study composition and music at Seoul university too!” he exclaims

“no way! that’s so cool!”

Kun opens a little gate to a garden of willow trees, heathers, Viburnum and some winter flowering cherry grew all over this mystical place. There were a few lamps for the pavement which illuminated the path way. Pinecones and fresh herbal scents gravitated towards and around you. He took you through the trees to a glass bandstand.

“This is where i usually come if i want to perform and people come by sometimes”

“it’s really beautiful!”

You proceed to sit down however Kun stops you and pulls out a blanket from the duffel bag and places it underneath you. what a gentleman. You think to yourself. He continues to bring out snacks and food and a flask containing hot drinks too. “first impressions matter right?” he chuckles

The sun disappears behind the horizon and the temperature drops rapidly. You begin to shiver and you rub your arms attempting to accumulate heat. Kun searches through his duffel bag and pulls out a black fleece in which he hands over to you. “i came prepared,” he smiled. You thank him and put it over your shoulders. The evening went on and Kun played you some of his songs; angelic and soft yet strong and powerful, his voice was what you preferred in music. Eventually as the night came to a close he insisted to take you home. during the cold walk home as the stars shone down and illuminated your skin, his hand gently slipped into your cold palms, his angelic shy smile, flushed cheeks and soft eyes meet yours. “have a good night” his smile so soft and gracious. “and you,” you smile back

kun messaged you late that night. He was the first one to message you and you felt vicious butterflies in your stomach but you giggled to his lovely messages. You wanted to see him, everyday. His company was pleasing. Knowing you both go to the same university what’s comforting because you now have someone with common interests to accompany you.

Your journey to university was lonesome again. The train journey to the heart of the city was quiet; soft music plays through your headphones. Kun sent you some music files the night before in hopes you’d listen to it in which you obviously did. The sun began to appear over the horizon whilst you walked to a close by coffee shop from the train station.

“Glad to see you here,” Kun smiles as he held two coffees in his hands in the biting cold. You were surprised that he waited here for you.

“Kun, you didn’t have to!” you cover you face with your hands shyly

“just take the coffee, get some energy” he held your unoccupied hand. He acted as if you were something more to him. Intimate. Trusted you with his deepest thoughts and feelings at midnight. Journey to university was different now. Kun always met you and waited for you in the cold for you and held hands with you until you both arrived at the campus. Your stomach fluttered violently when his warm features appeared in you memory, vivid. Cliché things began to expand into your mind; friends to lovers? You grew feelings for him every day, everytime his hands caressed your cheeks and when he moved a strand of hair from your face, when his sweet smile outshines all the stars. Was this love? you didn’t like doubting yourself but you were certain these feelings were new.

You sent Kun a message.

It was late in the evening. The willow trees sway to the wind, your fingers frost bitten and cold. You pull your scarf and coat tighter around you as you walk down the cobble path towards the bandstand where he took you. You look up and squint a little to see Kun already there with his guitar again. “you’re speedy” you chuckled softly

“well, this garden is directly behind my house” he smiles again making you melt.

“you brought your guitar?” you question as you walk closer however he pulls you in byyour waist. His hands settle on your waist and your bodies close. Your heart beats out of your chest and you could feel his too. He takes your hand and puts it on his chest; “you feel that? that’s what i feel every day since i met you”

You didn’t know what to say but it wasn’t an issue for Kun at all. He cupped your face, and got closer, lifting your chin up as both your lips began to get close. Your eyes glistened in the sliver lights of the band stand and his lips softly gilded onto yours and that was when he pulled you closer and held you. His kiss was desperate but you gave back the same energy, you were desperate to kiss him too. As he pulled away he looked at you again-

“what did you want to talk about?” he said breathlessly

“I-I love y-“

“I love you too yn”

You both sat down on the steps of the band stand and he presented you the song he wrote about you ever since you met you at The Book Corner.

Graduation day came and you both watched eachother get your diplomas: you got your Bachelor Of Arts and he got his Bachelor Of Music degree. You were both so proud of eachother that after the ceremony, he met you.

“congratulations sweetheart I’m proud of you!” he hugged you

“and i’m proud of you Kun!”

this was the start of a beautiful relationship..