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#although you can IMAGINE the frustration with having such a small fandom
twiceasfrustrating · 4 months
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Hello I have a request if your nit busy
Okay can you make one where child mc is like cold as ice like no smiling or nothing like they look dead inside x obey me brothers and side characters can you do that if it's not to much to ask
Rating: General Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: GN/M Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me! Characters: Main Character, Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Diavolo, Barbatos, Solomon, Simeon, Luke Additional Tags: headcanons, fluff, child!mc A/N: I love MCs of different varieties. A tiny child bringing this dysfunctional family back together sounds adorable. But I’m not going to lie, the request confused me a bit. Is it supposed to be their reaction to a cold child or them trying to get them to smile? Is the child actually cold/emotionally stunted or just appears cold to outsiders? I had to guess. I admit I imagined a very young child (4-5) who has a sort of selective mutism. And since you asked for brothers and side characters, I assume you wanted headcanons.
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Lucifer
Lucifer gets mistaken for the child's father all the time, often cited as having their same scowl. He took it upon himself to learn how to read their unchanging expression, and takes personal offense to anyone who believes MC's expressions are all the same. He's gotten their exchanges down so carefully that he can almost read MC's mind.
Mammon
He hasn't the first clue how to make this kid smile, but he has never stopped trying. He loves kids, even if he acts like all of them are brats in his eyes. He will do just about anything to try and see them smile, but they simply don't/can't. However, everything is worth it when he's walking around the house and realizes that MC is following him around like a baby chick. He will fall into the fetal position and weep with joy, then brag about it for the rest of the week.
Leviathan
He curls up on the floor and cries whenever MC stares at him. He's such a loser that even a child can see it. He feels so judged. What he doesn't realize though, is that MC likes hanging out with him because he recognizes what character they are doodling and can actually talk about the things they like. They just want to sit next to him and show him their drawings and watch TV with him.
Satan
Satan would, somehow, be the most fatherly of the brothers. He learned very quickly that MC isn't very expressive or even verbal sometimes, so he helps them express themselves nonverbally. No pushing, just giving them alternative tools to communicate. He also reads and cooks a lot for them. He would be the first one they actually start speaking to. Not a lot at first, but small things like greetings are a good start.
Asmodeus
Children are not dolls… but MC is just too cute not to spoil and dress up. He is a little unnerved by the lack of expressions or communication, but he overlooks it. He gets frustrated when MC doesn't play along though (like they won't wear a certain shirt or something). They hide when he's like that. Although, they like when he lets them play with the pretty stuff on his vanity. Or when he (very rarely) let's them put it on him (before he fixes it).
Beelzebub
MC is the only one that could take food from Beel's plate and not lose a hand. He's also the only one who would get clay dumplings and eat them for real. MC just stares when he eats them... they think they're a good cook now. Their icy demeanor doesn't bother him. Also, MC climbs Beel when they want to try being tall.
Belphegor
Sometimes, they will just stare at one another. No one understands it. No one tries to. They seem to have a sort of understanding that no one else can. Belphie doesn't treat MC like a kid so they try to act more mature than they really are. There are lots of naps between the two of them, usually with Belphie holding MC close.
Diavolo 
This is called kidnapping, Diavolo. Especially if you took them to another world without notifying their guardian. They would be very scared of Diavolo at first (new place, unfamiliar faces, nothing they recognize) and would walk away as their own form of crying. He tries so hard after that to be a friendly face, but… kids are fickle creatures and they always seem to walk away from him.
Barbatos 
Unlike Diavolo, MC likes Barbatos. It probably helps that he offers them treats every time they meet. They like to sneak into the kitchen while he's cooking and… help… Barbatos has learned to let them decorate the cookies and cupcakes. It makes them feel special. They have covered his apron in little handprints. It makes him feel special.
Solomon
Solomon has taken a special liking to his young human ward. He especially likes how deadpan their reactions are and how innocently and straightforward they respond to others. He laughs whenever MC walks away from people they don't like. He gave them a little wand to start practicing their magic and he loves the way they keep doing the same spells over and over again just to watch the result.
Simeon
He's already raising Luke, so another kid is no problem. He doesn't seem to have much of a reaction to their expressionless face, still smiling when they seem curious or gently scolding when they do something inconsiderate. He and Satan both take the title as best caretaker.
Luke
He's so happy to finally be the older brother. He wants to teach them everything! He gets upset when they don't smile or say thank you, and often has to be told that not every child is like him and that's okay. He'll get it eventually and be the best big brother ever… eventually.
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chickensarentcheap · 1 month
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Lost and Found- Chapter 28
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Fandom: Extraction
Pairing: Tyler Rake and Esme Drummond (established OFC. You do NOT have to read the series to understand this fic)
Warnings: slight profanity
Tagging: @tragiclyhip @thebejeweledwatercat @youflickedtooharddamnit @secretaryunpaid @munstysmind @themaradwrites @kmc1989 @karimac @asirensrage @residentdormouse @fanficanatic-tw @ninjasawakenedmystar @arrthurpendragon @occommunity @ocappreciationtag @theesirenteller @alisbackalleybbq
Link to Ao3:
My tag list is OPEN. Just ask if you'd like to be added :D
****
On day six, she forces herself out of bed. Tired of staring at the same four walls and depression and frustration setting in; feeling isolated and lonely, jealous as she listens to life as it continues around her. She misses the constant interaction and stimulation; saddened by the lack of colour, the smell of fresh air, the absence of conversation, and even the briefest and most innocent of physical contact.
The absence of tubes and wires makes it easier to slip out from under the confines of the crisp, warm sheets. The pain is dull yet manageable; centred in the ribs, sternum, and the middle of her back as she carefully sits up and gingerly swings her legs over the side of the mattress. The effort leaving her winded, but not defeated; her eyes closed as she slowly and deeply breathes through the tightness and the discomfort in her chest. Waiting until it passes before she stands; her knees initially buckling and her legs feeling impossibly weak, the room briefly spinning around her as her both body and brain try to centre and strengthen themselves. And she’s unsure of how much time passes before she makes those first movements; shuffling her way across the room and gaining confidence with each successful step. Spurred on when she finds it easier than expected to slip out of her nightgown and into fresh clothing; a simple pair of terry cloth shorts and a t-shirt pulled out of Tyler’s duffle bag.
The journey out of the room and down the hall and stairs is slow and tedious; her legs and her determination driven by a mixture of stubbornness and sheer spite. She has survived much worse; the many beatings that Mark had bestowed upon her, the times he’d put her in the hospital, the two stints in the ICU. If he couldn’t break and defeat her, she surely wasn’t giving Alessio and his family the pleasure of knowing they succeeded. And although she is forced to take several small breaks along the way and has to resort to leaning against stair railings and walls, she enjoys the feel of the smooth, cold marble under her bare feet.
The conversations on the outside patio become clearer with each small step. Yaz with his cool, calm tone laced with humour and sarcasm, Tyler’s much lower and resonating deep within his chest, each syllable dripping with his Australian accent. And Millie with that tiny yet always confident and sometimes commanding voice; high-pitched with excitement, her words occasionally making way for that infectious giggle.
Esme can imagine that sweet face; sunkissed cheeks and nose, vibrant blue eyes, a smile that spreads from ear to ear. A fierce, free-spirited little girl who routinely throws caution to the wind and lives her life one mud puddle to jump in or towering tree to climb at a time. Fearless and resilient in ways no one that young should ever be; witnessing things that someone so innocent and precious should never have to endure. Yet somehow, she hangs on to breathtaking levels of vibrance and exuberance and a love for the world and everyone and everything in it.
The patio is enormous. A central courtyard surrounded by the villa’s stucco and brick walls and countless picture windows. The flooring intricately laid mosaic tiles; a mixture of turquoise, vibrant yellow, royal blue, and smoky grey. An inground pool with outer edges lined by over a dozen loungers and chairs; simple wooden frames with crisp, white, navy blue, and gray striped cushions. An outdoor kitchen rivalling the gourmet one that resides inside the house; stone pizza ovens, wood burning stoves, top-of-the-line smart fridges, and a fully stocked bar.
The elegance is teamed with a section dedicated solely to Millie; an expansive wooden play structure with a spiral slide, saucer swings, a rope and rock climb, a teeter-totter and a sandbox. And a water table, a child-size three-story dollhouse -that had been handmade especially for her-, and a ‘battleground’ for her GI Joes. Doll-sized mud piles and trenches and caverns for them to hide in.
“Look! Look! Look!” Millie squeals from her spot at the dining table; the top covered end to end in various Lego pieces. Kneeling on her chair, she holds aloft a separate baggy of building bricks; her long, slender frame clad in a purple bathing suit, its front adorned by a lone brilliant pink flamingo. Both arms covered in multicoloured beaded bracelets. “Where do you think these go?”
“Open it up,” Tyler suggests, as he stands across the table in only a pair of camo board shorts; his hair damp and sticking up in several different directions, eyes covered by a pair of aviator shades. The lack of a shirt gives a clear view of the now-healing bruises that mar his back and shoulders and crawl down the rear of both biceps. “We’ll figure it out.”
“You can’t do that.” Yaz heaves an exasperated sigh. “That’s not how it’s done. You need to plan. Figure out where you want to start first. You can’t just jump into it and hope for the best.”
Tyler frowns. “I think you’re taking this way too seriously. It’s Lego. For kids.”
“Lego isn’t just for kids. Adults invest a lot of money in this. A lot of time. A lot…”
“Adults that don’t have sex lives, you mean. Because if they had them, they wouldn’t be so caught up in this kind of thing.”
“Adults who enjoy their hobbies. Who are into the finer things in life. Who…”
“Finer things in life? They’re plastic bricks.”
“These aren’t just any old Lego sets. These are intricate pieces of art. Some of these kits cost into the thousands. People have whole rooms dedicated to the ones they’ve put together; replicas of the Eiffel Tower, the Roman Coliseum, the Titanic.”
“I don’t care about any of that,” Millie declares. “I just want to build shit!”
Tyler nods in his daughter’s direction. “What she said.”
“It’s true. The apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree. You’re both feral.”
“The best part is when you get to break the thing!” Millie enthuses. “That’s my favourite! When I get to bust it all up!”
Leaning sideways in his chair, Yaz playfully tugs at the little one’s hair. “What is wrong with you? You can’t just ‘bust it all up’”
“Why not? It’s mine to do whatever I want with. You were the one who told me to pick out a Lego set, remember? And you didn’t like the one I did pick! I wanted the Lego Friends set with the cupcake shop, but you said, ‘No Mills. That’s not good enough. ' You were the one who picked THIS one.”
“You said you liked this one.”
“I do! But I thought I was going to get to break the shit out of it after I built it! That’s the part I love the most. About Legos. I love wrecking stuff. Causing a mess.”
“You’re definitely your father’s daughter. Tell you what…” Scooping Millie out of her seat, he settles her on his lap. “...we’ll go back to the store and get you a whole bunch of those Lego Friends sets. And you can put them together and bust them up all you want. But this one? This one stays in one piece. And here at mine and Auntie Nik’s place. On display.”
“You’re going to put it in your room, aren’t you? I don’t know, Uncle Yazzie, if you should do that. I don’t know if girls like seeing that kind of thing.”
“Not like that’ll happen any time soon,” Tyler mutters. “He has to actually know girls to be able to bring one back to his room.”
Yaz scowls. “I heard that.”
“I’m not sure it’s a good idea,” Millie continues. “I don’t think it’s very appealing. If you’re a grown-up and have Lego in your room. It’s kinda geeky.”
“Girls like geeks.”
She tilts her head to the side, eyes narrowing. “Do they though?��
“I’ll have you know that plenty of girls like geeks. You don’t think you’d ever like a geek?”
“How should I know? I’m only four. I don’t like ANY boys. They’re all annoying. They piss me off. They do gross stuff thinking it makes them look cool. Like burping and farting and stuff like that.”
“Hey, don’t shit talk burping and farting. How do you think your dad landed your mom?”
“Oh God, I hope not! That’s not how it happened, is it? You really didn’t…”
“I promise, there was no farting or burping involved. Not on my part anyway.”
Millie crunches her nose up in disgust. “Ewwww.”
“There was no gross stuff, I swear. From me or your mum. Do you really think your mum burps and farts?”
“I KNOW she does. Everyone burps and farts. Even girls.”
“I bet you don’t.”
“Are you kidding? If I eat too much cauliflower, my farts can clear an entire room!”
“She’s telling the truth,” Yaz confirms. “And her favourite thing to do is sit on your lap, carpet bomb you, and then take off.”
“It makes Uncle Yazzie gag,” Millie proudly announces, then giggles into the palms of her hands. “And if I eat lots of popcorn…”
“She’s a cute little thing, but she’s also smelly. And a savage.”
“I get it from my momma. Not the stinky part, but the cute, little, and savage stuff. Although I’m definitely going to be taller than her one day- probably by the time I’m ten. I have really long legs! See!” Leaning back against Yaz’ chest, she stretches out both legs. “They’re super skinny, too! And I got really big feet! I already wear a kid-size two! And I’m only four!”
“You get your skinny ass legs and your big feet from your dad,” Yaz says, and playfully tickles her stomach. “And your big ass forehead.”
“I do NOT have a big forehead!”
“Are you kidding me? Look at the size of it!” He playfully taps a fingertip against her brow. “I could land a helicopter on that thing!”
“That’s mean, Uncle Yazzie! That’s not friends.”
“I say it with love. Lots and lots of love.”
As he watches his daughter and Yaz together, Tyler notices that the anger is beginning to fade; no longer hurt or incensed over the realization that while he’d been kept in the dark about his daughter’s existence, those he’d trusted and respected had been allowed to be part of her life. But now he’s able to see things from a different standpoint; how lucky Milie is to have so many people who love and adore her and would do anything to keep her safe and sound. Protecting both her and Esme FOR him; in expectation of him and Esme reuniting and being able to raise their little girl together.
It’s obvious just how loved Millie has been; happy and healthy and thriving and one hundred percent comfortable with the people that surround her. And she’s been a positive influence on all of their lives; a bright and bubbly and rambunctious little one bringing a sense of normalcy into the rather twisted and dark world they’re immersed in. Gun runners and soldiers for hire that trade in the danger and unpredictability for giggles and smiles, kisses and hugs. He’s witnessed sides to Nik and Yaz that he never has before; a softness and patience and a compassion that he’d never been privy to.
“You even got his ears,” Esme declares as she stands behind Tyler, pushes herself up on her tiptoes, and playfully tugs on his earlobes. “Cutest elf ears ever.”
“Momma!” Millie shrieks and hurriedly slides off Yaz’s lap; bare feet slapping against the patio stones as she races towards Esme. Heeding Tyler’s reminder to ‘be ‘gentle’ as she throws her arms around her mother’s thighs and buries her face in her stomach; her entire body trembling as she openly sobs. “Momma…”
Pushing through the pain that comes from simply embracing her daughter. Esme curls an arm around Millie’s long, slender body. A hand on the back of her head as she holds as tight as she possibly can; showering her little one’s temple and cheek with kisses. “My sweet girl. My sweet sweet girl. How I love you.”
“I missed you, mommy. I missed you so much.”
“How could you miss me?” Cradling Millie’s face in her palms, she uses her thumbs to clear tears off the four-year-old’s cheeks. “You see me all the time. We always hang out. Watch movies, do crafts, take naps. And you gave me a pedi yesterday.”
“It’s not the same. It’s different. I don’t like it. I like it when things are normal. When we do our normal things together.”
“Yeah, you’re a stickler for routine at times, aren’t you? Things will go back to normal soon. And in a few days, we’ll be out of here and on our way to Australia.”
“Home, right? Our forever home?”
“Our forever and ever home. And you’ll finally get to see kangaroos and koalas and…”
“And really big spiders and snakes! I really want to see those spiders! The ones that are the size of a dinner plate!”
“Well, I know I could go without ever seeing one of those. But if you’re looking forward to it…”
“And I get to school, right? And make friends?”
“As soon as it’s safe for you to go. We just have to wait for Auntie Nik to fix the problems back in New York City. She needs time to do that; to make sure no one is going to show up and try to do bad things to us.”
“I’m not worried. I don’t care if they come to our house. Daddy won’t let them hurt us. He’ll protect us! He’ll kill the bad guys! ALL of them!”
It’s the first time hearing Millie call him that, and emotion immediately grabs hold of her. Tightening her chest and throat and bringing tears to her eyes. “Your daddy loves us very, very, VERY much. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for us. And if anyone can keep us safe and fight off the bad guys, it’s him. I’ve seen it. With my own two eyes.”
“I’m not worried. Not one bit.”
“Good. Because there’s no reason to be. We’re safe now. No one can hurt us. Not with your dad around. Now…” She combs her fingers through Millie’s hair “...what have you been up to? Lots of swimming? Look at all the sun you got on her cheeks and your nose. And I love your new bathing suit. Did you pick that out all on your own?”
Millie nods enthusiastically. “I picked out a whole bunch! And lots of summer clothes. For when we go home. ‘Cause it’s always hot there! And I got a new Lego set. Uncle Yazzie bought it for me! I’ll show you!”
As she excitedly scurries off, Esme smiles up at Tyler, tucking herself into his side when one of his hands settle at the small of her back. “Daddy? When did THAT happen?”
“First night here. Just came out while I was putting her to bed. Mind you she was half asleep when she said it..”
“It still counts. Half asleep or not.”
“After that, it became a regular thing. She’s been saying it ever since.”
“It must feel good, huh? Hearing it.”
“Nearly brought me to my knees when she first did it. And I won’t lie; I still want to cry every time she says it.”
“It’s been a long time; since you heard someone call you that.”
Tyler nods. “It has. And after you left, I didn’t think I’d ever get another chance. To hear someone say it.”
“She’s wanted to meet her dad for so long. She was only three when she started asking about you; wanting to know where her dad was. WHO he was. All her little friends at daycare had daddies, so why didn’t she? She’s so smart, Tyler. So, so, so smart. So intuitive. So…you.”
“I don’t know about that, Me. I see a lot of you in her. The more time I spend with her.”
“She’s got way more dad in her, trust me. She’s got your heart. She loves with everything she is and everything she has. Just like you. And it’s such a beautiful thing. How much she IS like you.”
“Must have been hard. Seeing that every day. While doing it all alone.”
“It was. But it was also amazing. Because I had that connection to you. We create this amazing little human being together. And I’m sorry it took me so long to bring her to you. I can’t make up for those years you lost. I can’t go back in time and change everything. And that’s something I’ll live with for the rest of my life.”
“I don’t want that. You holding onto that forever. You don’t need to. I forgive you, Esme. And I’m starting to accept it; you making the decisions that you did. I don’t want you carrying around that guilt forever. I know what it’s like; never letting something like that go. I speak from experience.”
“I never said a bad word about you. I may never have told her your name or what you looked like, but everything I DID tell her? It was all the truth. That you were a good man with a big heart. And that I loved you very much. That I still did and always would.”
“Even when I’m an enormous, insufferable pain in your ass?”
“Even then.”
Grinning, he moves his hand to the nape of her neck and pulls her into him, lips meeting her temple. “Speaking of being a pain in my ass, just what in the hell do you think you’re doing? Being out here?”
“I couldn’t stay in that room any longer. I was starting to go stir-crazy. I need some fresh air. And have you ever thought maybe I just miss you guys? That I just want to hang out with you and Millie?”
“Hey!” Yaz calls out, from where he returns to the painstaking task of building their Lego creation. “Am I invisible?”
“Alright…” Esme sighs; heavy and exaggerated. “I suppose I could hang out with you, too. If I have to.”
“You shouldn’t have come all the way out here by yourself. You should have texted me. I would have come and helped you.”
“I made it safe and sound. Mind you, I had to stop a dozen times along the way…”
He stares down at her pointedly.
“I’m fine,” Esme assures him. “I don’t feel nauseous or dizzy, and the pain is bearable. Way better than I expected to feel, actually. Now, I may need you to carry me when it’s time to head back…”
“I’ll just slip you in my pocket. Keep you safe and sound. Get you where you need to go.”
“Don’t start with that crap. Making fun of my height. Saying I’m pocket-sized. That’s rude.”
“I say it with love. And amazement. I’ve never seen a grown woman that never grew past the age of twelve.”
She scowls up at him.
“I’m going to call you that, you know. When we get married. Pocket wife.”
“You think so, do you?”
Running a hand over her hair, he drops a kiss on the top of her head. “I KNOW so.”
“Look, momma!” Millie scurries over, carrying an empty box longer than she is tall. “Look! Uncle Yazzie got it for me! It’s the Imperial Destroyer! Isn’t it cool? Do you know what movie it’s from?”
“That is very cool! And I do know where it’s from; those movies were around when I was a little girl. When did you get into Star Wars?”
“We watched the movies. Three days in a row! Daddy, me, and Uncle Yazzie.”
Esme cocks her head to the side as she grins up at Tyler. “You watched Star Wars?”
“Just the original three. You know, the only ones that matter.”
“When did YOU become a Star Wars fan?”
“I’ve always been one.”
“How come I never…”
“Hey, everyone has a secret or two. That they’re allowed to keep.”
“Well, if they’re as tame as liking Star Wars, I can live with it. I might call you a geek from time to time…”
“A geek that can kick total ass!” Millie declares. “Do you want to help us, momma? Put it together? We need all the help we can get. There’s A LOT of pieces.”
“You know what, if you give me a little bit of time to rest, I’ll definitely lend a hand. But I really need to sit and catch my breath, okay?”
“Do you want me to get you a drink? And a snack?”
“You know what? That sounds awesome. But only if you get a drink and a snack for yourself, okay?”
“Yep!” Rushing off, the four year old returns the box to the ‘lego building area’ before hurrying towards the house. Calling for the cook as she slides open the patio door and disappears inside)
“I should probably go in there,” Tyler says. “Help her. If she can’t find Carmen, I don’t want her going all Swedish Chef and burning Nik’s house down.”
“First Star Wars, now the Swedish Chef? You’re a Muppets fan, too?”
“That was the second secret I had.”
“You are just blowing my mind today. I lived with you for a YEAR and never knew ANY of this stuff How?”
“Some things I wasn’t ready to tell you. Guess I was worried you’d think I was a dag.”
“Dag meaning…”
“A geek.”
“You are a man of many, many, MANY layers, Tyler Rake. What else are you hiding?”
“That was the last of it.”
“A true enigma,” she declares, turning her face up towards him when he leans down for a kiss.
“You need my help? Getting you over there and settled?”
“I’m not a complete invalid, you know. It’s not even five feet.”
“Still…” Hand on her hip, he guides her closer to the table and pulls out a chair; using his free hand to keep a firm, protective grip on her bicep as she carefully lowers herself into the seat.. “Here…” Reaching for the hoodie and beach towel slung over a nearby chair, he drapes the garment across her shoulders and spreads the towel over her lap. Giving an almost sheepish grin when she looks up at him, lips curled in amusement. “It’s kinda chilly out. Pretty good breeze coming in off the water.”
“Tyler…”
“Esme…”
“You need to chill a bit, okay? I’m alright.”
“You know what whole worrying thing that you do? Incessantly?”
She nods.
“Must be contagious. ‘Cause I’ve done nothing but.”
“He was insufferable,” Yaz chides. “Not like that’s anything new for him, but…”
“Hey!” She grabs a hold of his hand as he turns to leave; raising to her face and pressing a kiss to his palm. “I love you.”
Standing behind her chair, he cups her chin in his palm, gently tilting her head back to press a kiss to the bridge of her nose, then her mouth. His lips a hair's breadth from hers when he returns the sentiment. “I love YOU.”
*****
Grimacing in discomfort, Esme stretches out her legs and places her bare feet in the empty chair across from her. Watching Yaz as he continues to put the Lego set together; his lips pursed and his furrowed in concentration. After minutes of silence, she uses her thumb and forefinger to flick one of the plastic bricks in his direction.
“You been keeping yourself out of trouble, young man?”
Smirking, he picks up the brick and snaps into it place, then drops into his chair. “What kind of fun would that be?”
“How come you didn’t go to Manila with Nik? It’s been years since she’s done a job without you.”
“She didn’t need me.”
“I find THAT hard to believe. You’re a jack of all trades. And while I know she’s a total badass who can more than handle herself, I also know how protective you are of her. And that you’d never let her go on ANY job alone. So…”
“Can you keep a secret?”
She tilts her head to the side. “Did I not just get finished with keeping the mother of all secrets? For almost FIVE years?”
“Touche.”
“Nik didn’t go there for work, did she?”
Yaz shakes his head.
“She found herself a new boy toy?”
“Not exactly.”
“Girl toy? She’s finally discovering the best of both worlds?”
“Not a girl, either. Sorry to disappoint you. Your raging crush on my sister will have to just stay just that.”
“So not a girl, not a boy. What…?”
“It’s a guy. Just not a boy. A man. An OLDER man.”
“How much older?”
“Quite a bit.”
“Quite a bit as in ten years? Fifteen…”
Yaz raises both brows.
“Twenty?”
“A little higher.”
“Thirty?”
“Minus five from that.”
“That’s just…” Esme grimaces. “...ewwww.”
“How do you think I feel? That’s my sister.”
“I don’t like the direction my mind is taking this in. I can understand her wanting to try her hand at guys her age or a little bit older, but someone old enough to be her father? Just…no.”
“If it makes it any better, he is a decent guy. I’ve met him a handful of times; he’s one of our biggest clients.”
“Weapons?”
Yaz nods.
“He a merc or…?”
“Runs his own business. A very lucrative one.”
“Are we talking gross and wrinkled old man? Or are we talking like Paul Newman level of hot old man? Because if it’s not the latter…”
“I’ll give him Paul Newman level.”
“Good for her. ‘Cause I would have hit old man Paul Newman in a heartbeat. Well, at least she’s not slumming. Because that last guy? The boy toy…”
“He was a complete tool.”
“That’s putting it lightly. I mean, he didn’t even appreciate her. He had this total goddess fawning all over him; giving him a fancy place to live, spoiling the shit out of him, paying all his bills, putting expensive clothes on his back. And what did he do? Cheat. The ungrateful fuck. He was nothing when she met him, and I bet he’s back to being nothing now.”
“We both warned her. That he was a piece of shit. And while I wouldn’t say ‘I told you so’ to her face…”
“She’d smack the ever-loving shit out of you.”
“...I can at least say it to you. It hasn’t been easy not having you around, you know. I got used to having someone on my side. Sticking up for me. Helping me talk the she-beast down from time to time.”
“Believe me, in hindsight, being around here would have been a lot better than where I ended up.”
“You mean with Alessio? Or Winston?”
“I think it’s safe to say that ‘both’ is an acceptable answer.”
“Speaking of ‘I told you so’....”
“Remember, I’m not completely feeble now, Yaz. I happen to have just enough strength to slap you upside the head. So tread lightly.”
“I DID tell you so. When Nik brought that job to you. I told her -right in front of you- that I didn’t have a good feeling about it. That things weren’t going to end well. And I tried talking you out of it; getting you to back off before you even got started. More than once. But did you listen…”
“You know I’m stubborn.”
“To a fault.”
“For what it’s worth, I do appreciate that you wanted to keep me safe; that you tried your best to stop me from getting caught up in all of that. But I couldn’t turn that job down. I couldn’t say ‘no’ to your sister. After everything she’s done over the past five years…”
“You don’t owe her anything. And she certainly doesn’t expect something from you.”
“It was a lot to ask. A huge secret for BOTH of you to keep. And the way you’ve continued to help take care of us and make sure we’re safe and sound and how you love Millie the way you do…”
“We’re family. That’s my niece. I don’t do the things I do because I expect something in return. And neither does Nik. That isn’t why she asked you if you wanted that job; she wasn’t preying on your guilt or your regret. She wanted the BEST. That’s it. And when it comes to what you do? The things you know? The things you can get away with? The best is YOU.”
“I felt like I DID owe you. BOTH of you. If it wasn’t for you and Nik keeping all my secrets…”
“We helped because we wanted to. Because you were scared and you were alone and you didn’t know who else to turn to. And maybe things got way out of hand and lasted way longer than they should have…”
“That’s the understatement of the century.”
“...but we don’t regret the decisions we made. And you don’t owe us a damn thing. So if that’s why you took that job…”
“I felt it was the least I could do. After everything that you guys do for us. All the things you STILL do. I…”
“Taking that job was a mistake. I told you it was. Before you even started it. That you had no business getting involved. Not with Millie in the picture.”
“I wouldn’t have taken it if I thought she’d get hurt. If I thought for a second she was in any danger…”
“Why wouldn’t you expect the worst? You knew who and what Alessio’s family were. The kind of things they were involved in. Those were the last people you should have gotten involved with. If you were alone, I wouldn’t have said a damn thing. I would have worried. But I wouldn’t have tried so hard to stop you. I just didn’t get it. Why you’d be so willing to drag Millie into this life.”
“Hasn’t she always been part of it? Right from conception? Hasn’t it always been in her blood? You do realize who her parents are, right? Who her father is?”
“But you stayed out of things. Or just helped from behind the scenes. She was never exposed to it. Not directly. Millie’s always been the one normal thing in all OUR lives. The only person that’s truly innocent in all of this. And we made sure to keep it that way; keep you and her safe and under the radar and…”
“I would never…EVER…do anything to hurt her. Or put her in danger. I had no idea things would go that bad. Not after months of everything going right. I…”
“The point is you never should have been involved in this person. There shouldn’t have been a chance for anything to go bad.”
Sighing heavily, she gnaws on the inside of her cheek, eyes in her lap as she considers his words.
“I’m not saying this to hurt you. Because I would never do that. Hurt you. And you know it.”
“I do. I DO know that.”
“Things could have been so much worse. And they were pretty fucking bad.”
“Oh, believe me, my body reminds me just how bad every day.”
“What if he hadn’t been able to get you out of there? What if Charon hadn’t helped out? If he’d taken Winston’s side?”
“But he didn’t.”
“He could have.”
“Isn’t playing the ‘what if’ game one of the major no-nos in this life? Isn’t it one of the things Nik preaches against? Doesn’t she always say that it only leads to trouble? Spending that much time inside your own head?”
“You can’t tell me you don’t think about it. How much worse things could have been.”
“I only think about it every day. Well, since I became lucid enough to form a coherent thought, anyway. I know how horrible things could have gone; had we not had the help that we did. But you know what? As bruised and busted up as I am, a lot of good things happened, too.”
Yaz stares at her pointedly,
“If things hadn’t gone wrong and I hadn’t gotten into trouble, I never would have had a reason to contact Tyler. It forced me to do the right thing. For both him and Millie. Because who knows how long I would have let it drag on. Before I finally did get up the guts to take her to him.”
“If it had gone on much longer, I would have told him. I would have taken one hell of an ass-kicking in the process, but…”
“Everything happens for a reason. I like to believe that, anyway. I had no choice BUT to call him. I knew he would do whatever it took to get Millie out of there. And to keep her safe. At that point, I didn’t care about me. All that mattered was her.”
“There was no way he was ever going to leave you behind. If he didn’t walk out the door when he realized you were the client, he sure as hell wasn’t going to sacrifice you. For anyone or anything.”
“If it was for her, I like to think he would.”
“Why would you even wish that on him? After everything he’s already gone through, why add that on top of it? The last five years haven’t exactly been kind to him, either. I know he puts on a good front…”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me? Just how bad he got? You always let on that he was doing okay. That he was keeping himself busy; he was firefighting and running his little business and doing the odd job for Nik. Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? That he was a wreck? Why…?”
“I thought you would have just realized it. That you leaving destroyed him. I didn’t think you needed to be told.”
“I never meant to hurt him. I didn’t do it intentionally. Ruin his life. And I know I should have contacted him sooner. About Millie. Believe me, there are A LOT of things I wish I could go back and change.”
“Had you never left, he never would have ended up in Georgia. He wouldn’t have taken that job. Not even for his ex wife.”
“I think you’re giving me too much credit. There’s no way he would have turned that job down. Even if I fought him tooth and nail about it. Mia knew exactly what she was doing; she knew that preying on his guilt and his regret would get him to do what she wanted.”
“She wanted the best. Just like you did.”
“She used him. She used his deepest and most painful secrets against him. To get what she wanted. And nothing I said would have made a difference. He would have taken that job regardless.”
“Millie would have been the difference. She was almost two. If you’d stuck around and the two of you went through it together? Having her? She would have made all the difference in the world. He wouldn’t have taken the chance. Of never getting home.”
“And then what would have happened? To the sister-in-law and the kids? If he hadn’t gone…”
“Mia would have had to find someone else.”
Esme sighs.
“There is no way he would have agreed to that job. Not if you were still in his life. And especially if Millie was. He wouldn’t have done that to her. To EITHER of you.”
“God, I really DID fuck up, didn’t I? In more ways than I ever realized.”
“There’s always a bigger picture.”
“If I’d stayed, the chances of us having Millie would have been slim to none. The High Table would have made sure of that. We wouldn’t have gotten through that. Had they come back and found us there and Tyler tried to put up a fight, they would have killed us. In the most gruesome ways possible. And he didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve to pay for something I did.”
“You don’t think he paid for them AFTER you left? That he didn’t pay for them for the last five years? I saw him at his worst. When he was barely hanging on. He spent an entire year looking for you. He turned down every job Nik offered him; he did nothing but travel the globe, trying to track you down. No matter how small the lead he was, he was going to check it out. And all that time, we knew where you were.”
“I never should have dragged you into it. I never…”
“We lied to him that entire time. We knew how you were doing, and where you were living. We knew about Millie. And we kept that from him. All that time.”
“Have you just been lying in wait for five years? To dump all of this on me? Just biding your time until I seemed ready to hear it?”
“Someone has to say it.”
“Oh trust me, Tyler hasn’t held back. He has said way more than you have. And not just once, either.”
“I’m not saying all of this to be an asshole. Or to hurt you. I know what you’ve been carrying around because of all this. I know it hasn’t been easy; not having him in the picture and raising Millie on your own. But I just feel for the guy, you know? He lost way more than you did. You at least HAD a part of him. You left him with NOTHING.”
“You don’t think I know all of this? That I haven’t been beating myself up since the day I left him? I don’t need you hating on me. I do enough of that for BOTH of us.”
“I’m not hating on you. I never could. I’m just saying things that need to be said. I feel bad for him, alright? Not just for you taking off and hiding out for the past five years. But for not even letting him know that you were okay. That’s the least I could have done.”
“I don’t know what it is you want from me. I’ve apologized. Over and over and over again. To you, to Nik, to Millie, to Tyler. I don’t know what more I can do. To get people to forgive me. Especially him.”
“Nik and I? We’re just as guilty for everything as you are. We could have stopped the bullshit. For his sake. But we didn’t And as far as Tyler goes? I don’t know, he doesn’t seem to be holding that big of a grudge. If he’s even holding one at all.”
“I hurt him. Badly. And not just once, either. The only person that’s ever loved me for ME. Who taught me that not all men hit and love isn’t supposed to hurt. And look what I did to him. How I repaid him. And if leaving wasn’t bad enough…”
“I think he might be further along in the ‘getting over it department’. He’s here, isn’t he? Stepping up to the plate. No matter how tired or how much he’s hurting. . He didn’t take off in New York; when he found out you were the client.”
“He very easily could have.”
“But he didn’t. He stuck around. Because it WAS you. Because he never got over you. He probably never would have. Not really. That guy held out hope for five years; that you’d just come walking back in as quickly as you walked out.”
“And I wanted to. Many, many, MANY times.”
“I know you were worried about rejection. That he’d turn you away. Not want anything to do with you or Millie. But there was never…EVER…a reason to worry about that. It wouldn’t have mattered what he was doing or who he was with, he would have dropped everything to be with you. It’s all he’s ever wanted. And then having a kid on top of that? That he didn’t know about? There’s no way he would ever turn all of that down.”
“He wanted to be a dad again. We used to talk about it every so often. I knew he was scared; he admitted he was worried about fucking things up. But he was willing to jump right into the deep end. No matter how terrified he was. He knew how much I wanted it; a chance to be a mom. And that I wanted that with HIM.”
“There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you. Even face his worst fears. I know he’s not invincible. No one is. But you sure as hell make him feel that way.”
She smiles wistfully. “Sometimes I think I even SEE him that way. That there’s nothing he can’t do. No one he can’t protect me from. He was the first person who ever made me feel safe. Protected. I didn’t even know I NEEDED to feel those things.”
“So what happened? Five years ago. What made you run? What…?”
“He wasn’t a hundred percent. He was still healing. From Dhaka. And he wouldn’t have stood a chance against The High Table. NO ONE stands a chance against them.” She glances away as she attempts to fight back a flood of threatening tears. “ Tyler would have fought for me. Until his very last breath. And they would have done horrible, horrible things to him. In front of me. They would have made me watch. And I couldn’t let that happen, Yaz. I couldn’t let him sacrifice himself for me. He’d already done it once. In Dhaka. I didn’t want there to be a second time. Not for a mistake I made.”
“There were other ways. Nik and I would have helped. We would have found a place; for the two of you to hide out while we took care of things.”
“I wasn’t exactly thinking rationally. I was terrified. That I’d lose him. Permanently. That they’d kill him. It would have been all my fault and I never would have been able to live with myself. The choice I made? I made it for him. Because I loved him. I wanted to keep him safe. And I didn’t know how else to do it.”
“He should have been given the chance. To help.”
“I couldn’t risk it. I just couldn’t. Everything I did that day, I did to protect him. I don’t regret the choice I made; sacrificing my happiness to make sure that he’d be okay. But believe me, I regret so many other things. So many other decisions I made. But I can’t take them back. I can never make it up to him. Not completely. I hurt the one person who made me feel human again. Who made me feel beautiful and wanted. Who made me realize I was worth something. To SOMEONE. And look what I did. Look how bad I hurt him. I can’t ever take that back.”
“That’s the unfortunate part of it. You can’t.”
“I don’t even know why he stuck around. When he found out I was the client. He had every reason to turn around and walk away. He didn’t know about Millie yet. Not at that point. Nothing was keeping him there. He didn’t know he was a dad.”
“YOU kept him there. That’s all he needed. It’s all he’s needed for five years. Did you honestly think he’d just turn around and walk away?”
“I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know how he’d react. It had been five years. It could have gone either way, I guess. He could have still been really pissed or he could have been completely over it. Over ME.”
“He never got over you. I don’t think he ever would have.”
“I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve HIM. Not after everything I’ve done. Yet here he is. Sticking around. Wanting a life with me. Why? After I hurt him so badly. Why would he still want that? Why would he still want ME?”
“He loves you. Simple as that. Does it need to be more than that? Isn’t that enough? He just LOVES you.”
“It’s enough. It’s more than enough, believe me. And it’s way more than I deserve.”
*****
Several minutes of silence pass before she speaks again; casting a glance over her shoulder, towards the house.
“How has he been? Since we got here??”
“He’s been hurtin’. Got himself pretty banged up in that accident. Wouldn’t let the doctor take a look at him, though.”
“Tyler not taking care of himself? Being stubborn as hell? Colour me surprised.”
“He’s been hanging in there though. Pushing himself through it. He’s been worried, though. About you. Can’t say I blame him. We’ve all been worried.”
“I don’t remember much. Just bits and pieces. But I know that every time I woke up, no matter how out of it I was, he was there. Ready, willing, and able to take care of me.”
“He didn’t leave your side much during the first few days. And didn’t trust many people with you. Not even the doctor and nurse were off his radar.”
“He’s always been a little…protective.”
“Just a bit.”
“What about Millie? I kind of threw them both to the wolves. Just dropped them right into the deep end without even a warning. Has she been alright? With him?”
“Are you kidding me? That kid is in her glory. They BOTH are. I mean, she’s finally got a dad. And not just any dad, HER dad. Her flesh and blood. And man, when I tell you she’s just like him…”
“Kinda scary, isn’t it? How much of him is in there? As if looking just like him isn’t enough, some of that personality just had to trickle down, too.”
“Some of it? There’s a lot of Tyler in her. And I’m still trying to figure out if that’s good or bad.”
“I like to think she got the best parts of both of us. Especially those parts of him that he doesn’t let everyone see. But, honestly, the mouth on her…”
“She’s definitely her father’s child.”
“Momma!” Millie’s bare feet slap against smooth stone as she races towards her, one of her plastic sand pails clasped tightly in both hands. Usually reserved for rock and seashell hunting on the beach, it now carries water and a selection of flowers. Vivid purple orchids, snow-white tulips, and brilliant orange roses. “Look it! Look what we got!”
“Oh my goodness…” Accepting the ‘gift’ from her daughter, she slides over in the chair, making room for the four-year-old to squeeze in beside her. Sheer pride and unbridled happiness glow in Millie’s eyes as she wraps both arms around her mom’s torso; beaming up at her as she rests her head on Esme’s chest. “...for me?”
“Just for you. Daddy helped me pick them.”
“All my favourites! They’re beautiful. I bet I can guess where you got these from. Auntie Nik’s front garden, right?”
Millie gives a sheepish smile, then giggles into her mother’s breast.
“I won’t tell her if you won’t. Thank you…” Wincing slightly as she leans forward to place the pail on the table, she takes Millie’s face in her hands; pressing kisses to her cheeks and lips. “....I love them. But not nearly as much as I love you.”
“I love you, mommy. I’m sorry I was mean. In New York City. That I said bad things to you. I was just upset.”
“I know you were. And you had every right to be. Your entire world was just turned right upside down, wasn’t it?”
Millie nods.
“But I love you. More than you could ever possibly know. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Well, other than your dad of course.”
“I’m going to ignore how casually you said that,” Tyler says ss he sets a tray of food and drinks on the table. “How big of a smart ass you sounded.”
“You love daddy.” Millie declares. “Don’tcha”
“I do. I love him very, very much. I always have. And now things are going exactly the way they should. I’m feeling better, in a few days we’ll be on our way to Australia and our new life.”
“And living in our new home. Our FOREVER home.”
“Exactly. And you’re going to love it there. I think it’s exactly where you’re meant to be. The perfect place for someone like you. All that sunshine and all that water and all those animals. Not to mention it’s in your blood; being an Aussie. Well, in HALF of it anyway.”
“And then I’ll get to go to school and meet new friends! And you and daddy will get married and have lots of babies!”
“Okay, slow your row. We’re not even home yet. And besides, I never said anything about LOTS.”
“Are you going to come, Uncle Yazzie?” Millie inquires as she tends to helping unload the various dishes from the tray. Carefully setting a mug of tea, a plate of cheese toast, and a bowl of fruit salad in front of her mom. “When mom and dad get married?”
“I hope I’m invited.”
“I get to wear a really pretty dress! Momma said I can pick it out! And I get to wear my Spiderman sandals too!”
“Because you’re not Millie if you didn’t.” Esme drops a kiss on the top of her head. “And you know what? We’ll even get you a brand-new pair. Just so you can wear them with your dress.”
“And then you and daddy will get married and start having babies and…”
“What is your obsession with me having babies?”
“I REALLY want to be a big sister. It’s just been me all this time! I want a brother or a sister. Mostly a sister. So we can do things together. We can play dolls and ride bikes and go to the beach and do each other’s hair and nails and…”
“You do realize that even IF I had a baby right away, you’d be five years older, right? By the time they’re old enough to do those things, you’re probably not going to want anything to do with them. They’ll be too young for you to want to hang out with.”
“I’ll still want to hang with them. They’re my sister. Sisters are supposed to do things together.”
“And what if you get a brother?”
“Well, I won’t be happy about it, but I’ll deal, I guess.”
“And probably beat on them. And torment them.”
“Maybe just a bit. Here, mom…” Sliding the plate of cheese toast over, she selects a piece. Blowing a steady stream of air onto it to cool it down, then holding it up to Esme’s lips.. “...eat.”
“I am perfectly capable of feeding myself, baby girl. I appreciate you wanting to help, but…”
“Daddy said that it’s up to us to take care of you. Until you’re all better. He said that we’re a team; we work together to keep an eye on you and help you out. And that’s what I’m doing.”
“Whether I like it or not, huh?”
“Exactly!”
“Geez…” Esme grins at Tyler as he drops into the chair beside her, playfully nudging him with her elbow before briefly laying her head on his shoulder. “...I wonder where she gets THAT from.”
She wakes to a storm raging outside the window; lightning splitting the sky as thunder rumbles, wind rattles the windows, and rain patters against the glass. Sighing loudly, she rolls from her side to her back; any discomfort kept at bay the medication taken shortly before she’d settled in for the night. Eyes squinting into the darkness, she finds herself greeted by the glow of Millie’s iPad as it rests on Tyler’s thigh as he sits beside her; headphones on, eyes riveted on the screen. So invested that he doesn’t react when she gingerly sits up and slides closer to him; not acknowledging her until she moves the headphone off his right ear and places a kiss on his temple, then his cheek. Nuzzling it with the tip of her nose.
“Hey.”
Removing the headset, he presses pause on the iPad and turns it screen down. Giving her that soft, loving smile that creases his eyes and fills out his cheeks. “Hey.”
Laying a hand on his stomach, she presses a series of kisses along the line of his jaw, then rests her head on his shoulder. “What are you doing up?”
“I was just going to ask you the same thing.”
“I had a really weird dream.”
“Weird as in bad or…?”
“Weird as in weird. It was about The Kimberley. Being back in that old shack of yours. Millie was there too; she was just a tiny baby and she was wearing this cute little bubblegum pink onesie. You were carrying her around and telling her all about the koalas and kangaroos and big spiders. And all about the ocean; about swimming and surfing and how the shark spotters call people out of the water.”
“Gotta start ‘em young.”
“It would have been hard. Raising a kid there. In the middle of nowhere.”
“Well, that was never the plan. We would have already been in Broome. When she was born.”
“We should take her there. To the old place. Let her see how things were before she was even a twinkle in my eye. I highly doubt it’s liveable now, so we couldn’t stay there, but…”
“I still own it though. We could always fix it up. Add onto it. Make it a place we can just take off to. When we just need to get away from the city.”
“The city.” Esme laughs. “Broome is hardly a city.”
“Not by your standards, maybe. Miss ‘studio apartment in Brooklyn, New York’.”
“I think she’s going to love it there. In Australia. She is HALF Aussie, after all.”
“The best half of her is, at least.”
“The best half,” she scoffs, then reaches up to flick the tip of his nose with her thumb and forefinger. “You wish! More like the half that’s an enormously stubborn pain in my ass.”
“You know you love me. That you’d be completely miserable without me.”
“I do love you.” She speaks between kisses to the underside of his chin. “Very, very, very much. And believe me, I WAS completely miserable without you. I don’t want to ever do that again. Be away from you that long.”
“Well lucky for you, I don’t plan on going anywhere.”
“I might become really, really, REALLY clingy, you know. At least for a little while.”
“I can handle clingy. Especially when it has an ass like yours.”
“And needy. Extremely needy. And demanding. CRAZY demanding.”
“Are we talking in the dirty sense or…”
“As dirty as we can get, baby.”
“Then I can DEFINITELY do crazy and demanding. Figuratively and literally.”
“Look at you. Busting out the big words. Pretty impressive for a big, bad, mercenary man.”
Grinning, he gently and playfully tousles her messy hair. “And you say I’m a pain in the ass.”
“Why ARE you awake? I thought you’d be exhausted. I heard through the grapevine that Millie’s been keeping you on your toes. Wearing you out in your old age.”
“First you call me fat, now you’re calling me old. What’s next?”
“Impotent?”
“Don’t even put that out into the universe. That’s not right.”
“Considering you’re a horny high schooler trapped in the body of a forty-year-old man, I don’t think you’ll ever have a problem like THAT. Seriously though, aren’t you tired? I know what a handful she can be. She’s so much like you. Can’t sit still for too long, always wants to try new things, isn’t scared of a damn thing…”
“I’m scared of a lot, believe me. I learned just how scared I could be. Seeing you in that SUV. Thinking you were dead. Of all the things I’ve been through, the things I’ve survived, the people I’ve gone against? Nothing was as bad as that. I’ve never been that afraid of anything, but at the moment…” He takes a deep, quivering breath.. “...let’s just say I don’t ever want to go through anything like that ever again.”
“I promise I’ll be on my best behaviour from here on out. Once we’re home, that part of me is gone. I get to start a whole new life. With you and Millie. The only two people that really matter.”
“You think you’re going to be happy? Being a good little housewife? Staying home and raising kids?”
“After everything I’ve gone through in the last ten years, I’m going to be ECSTATIC to live like that. Think you’re going to be alright with you? Doing normal things? Having a normal job? A wife and a kid?”
“I was alright with it five years ago, yeah? Why wouldn’t I be okay with it now?”
“Baby…” She presses a handful of kisses on the side of his neck. “...you always have the best answers. You may be a man of few words, but when you DO talk…”
“I had to learn, didn’t I? When we started living together? To watch the shit I say? And how I say it? I wasn’t used to that; worrying about someone else’s feelings.”
“You learned pretty quick, though. Mostly because I’m a mouthy bitch who doesn’t hesitate when it comes to putting you in your place.”
“Small but mighty. The only person on this earth I’m legitimately terrified of. Even if I can pick you up and carry you around in my pocket.”
Rolling her eyes, she playfully pinches his stomach, head on his chest as she drums her fingernails on the iPad. “So what were you watching?”
“Nothing important.”
“It wasn’t porn, was it? The least you could do is save that kind of stuff for when I’m healed a little more. So we can watch it together. And let things…you know…progress from there. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.”
“You are a dirty girl, Esme.”
“In the ways you love best.”
“And no, I wasn’t watching porn.”
“Good, because…”
“I watched that earlier.”
“Oh God,” she groans and attempts to move away. Laughing when he lightly tickles and pinches her side and then pulls her into him, tucking her body tightly and protectively against his, hand coming to rest on her hip.
“I wasn’t watching porn. Not now, not earlier. I was watching other stuff.”
“Stuff, huh? What kind of stuff?” Reaching for the iPad, she scowls when he lays his palm on top of it, preventing her from flipping the device over. “What’s your issue?”
“What’s yours?”
“I just want to know what you were watching. Why is it such a secret? Why are you hiding things from me?”
“It’s not a secret. And I’m not hiding anything.”
“Then why won't you tell me what it is? Don’t be so sketchy.”
“I’m not being anything. I was just watching some stuff. On youtube. It’s not a big deal.”
“If it’s not a big deal, you’d tell me what was. Surfing videos? Football highlights?”
“No. And no. Like I said, just…stuff.”
“You’re being very weird about this. Unless…” Her eyes narrow. “...you weren’t really watching anything. You were chatting and sexting and sending someone dirty pictures. Or they were sending YOU pics.”
“That’s exactly it. You figured it out. I was totally sexting with someone. Sending dick pics.”
She frowns.
“Are you kidding me right now? Do you honestly believe that? I just spent five years wondering where the hell you were and if you’d just show up on my doorstep one day. Do you honestly think I’m going to fuck this all up? When things are finally going the way they should have way back when? I know I’m not the smartest guy on the planet, but give me SOME credit.”
“I have never said you were stupid. Or even insinuated it. But to be this secretive over videos you’re watching on YouTube…”
“I just don’t want you to make a big deal out of it.”
“Christ, how bad are these videos?”
“They’re not bad at all. They’re just…I don’t know…kinda lame, I guess. I just don’t want you laughing at me. That happens, I might have to kill you.”
“I’d like to see you try. I’ve got nine lives, Tae. And I haven’t even used up half yet. But if you’re THIS embarrassed about whatever you were doing, keep your secrets. That’s three in one day, you know. Stars Wars, The Muppet Show, sketchy videos on the internet.
“They’re not sketchy. They’re just not what you’d expect. Can’t a guy browse the ‘net in peace?”
“How do I know you’re not googling the easiest ways to kill me and dispose of my body?”
“Because that would be a waste of time. I already know those things.”
Esme scowls.
“Fine. If you wanna see, I’ll show you. But I swear, if you make even one small smart-ass remark…”
“Get a grip. I’m not going to laugh at you or make fun of you.” Turning the iPad over, she presses play; watching for several seconds before pausing it and glancing up at him. Brows arched quizzically. “A hair braiding tutorial? Why…?”
“I’m doing it for Millie.”
“She told you to watch it or…?”
“The first night here, she told me how you always braid her hair before bed. Because of how knotty it gets when she sleeps I didn’t know how to do it. And I’ve been so caught up with other things, I haven’t had the chance to get her to teach me. And you weren’t able to do it, so I just pawned her off on Nik.”
“I could have taught you. It’s honestly not that hard. Even Millie would have taught you. She was three when she learned how to do it on her Barbie dolls.”
“I just figured I’d look it up and learn on my own. I mean, I’m a girl dad now. I should know how to do these things.”
As a slow smile spreads across her face, she reaches up to playfully tug at some of the wiry hair on the underside of his chin. “Baby, you are so cute.”
Tyler frowns. “Shut up.”
“Despite what you think, being called ‘cute’ is NOT an insult.”
“To me it is.”
“Well, to ME, you’re a six foot three, two hundred and twenty-pound ball of walking cuteness.”
“Esme, fuck off.”
“Would it make you feel better if I said that it’s sexy? Watching you embrace the whole girl-dad lifestyle? Seeing you playing with her and drawing pictures and colouring. You even watch Bluey with her. That takes some real courage and balls, you know. To sit through that show.”
“I suppose being called sexy for doing all that stuff IS better. Somewhat.”
“Well, I find it incredibly sexy. You in ‘dad mode’. It’s even better than I ever daydreamed about. And that’s saying something because those daydreams were pretty damn good.”
“I just want to do right by her. Not fucks things up a second time.”
“For what it’s worth, you’re off to a really good start. From what I’ve heard AND seen.”
“Scary as hell, though. Not gonna lie.”
“Do you want to tell me what’s so unsettling? What’s scaring you so much? Is it because you’re worried about things going wrong? Like they did with Austin? Are you worried about making a mistake or making bad choices or…?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what it is. I’m just…terrified. Maybe there’s not even a reason. Or a sound one, anyway. Maybe it’s just all in my head.”
“In all fairness, you’ve had a lot dropped on you in the past week and a half. Enough shit to last most people a lifetime. Maybe it’s all just coming to a head, you know? Having that all put in your lap at once. Seeing me again, finding out about Millie, us trying to put things together and work through our shit. Well, MY shit. All of this messiness IS my fault.”
“It’s a lot. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t. But it’s not as messy as you think. Trust me, I know messy. I AM messy.”
“A hot messy, though,” she teases. “VERY hot, actually.”
“God your taste in men is fucked up.”
“Hey, it WAS. If you saw my ex-husband, you’d realize what a huge step up you are.”
“Have you ever thought of seeing a therapist? For your horrible life choices? Because if this is the type of men you’re attracted to…”
“You’re not as messy as you think you are. I wouldn’t be with you if you were. Do you honestly think I would have hooked up with you in Dhaka if you were THAT bad?”
“If you were desperate enough.”
“Listen, buddy, I’d already gone eighteen months without a hook-up. And had you not come along, I would have gone even longer. If being with Mark taught me anything, it was to be more discerning when it came to men. Do you really think I didn’t have any options? Between you and him?”
“I don’t even want to consider that. The thought of you with other people…”
“The point I’m trying to make is that you’re not nearly as messy as you think you are. I’d already been one with one extremely messy man, I sure as hell wasn’t going to hook up with another one. Look…” Removing the tablet from his lap, she gingerly moves onto her knees; his hands immediately securing her by the hips as she carefully straddles his thighs. Using gentle fingertips, she clears the longer strands of hair off his forehead before cradling his face in her hands. “...I’m not going to pretend to know what you’re scared of. I’m not even going to try and guess. Or put words in your mouth. And I know when you figure it out yourself and are ready to tell me, you will.”
“I wouldn’t keep that from you. You’re the only person who knows everything about me. Even all the ugliest, darkest of things.”
“You know what I DO know, though? I know that Millie loves you. And trusts you. That was obvious before she even found out you were her daddy. Right from day one you made her feel safe and important. She loved you for YOU. Not just because you helped make her. That just makes everything she feels even bigger and stronger. You see that, right? How much she loves you? Trusts you?”
Tyler nods. “Reminds me of you.”
“Look how messed up we both were when we met. Look at all the baggage we were carrying around. It shouldn’t have worked; two broken people barely staying afloat yet somehow trying to find something…anything…between them. Remember what Gaspar said? About how two broken people can’t fix one another? They can’t come together to be a whole? That they’d only make each other worse? Destroy one another?”
“Fuck him. He had no clue what he was talking about.”
“Exactly. Fuck him. Fuck anyone that thought that everything was wrong between us and that nothing could be right. It wasn’t the ideal situation. We agree on that. But I don’t regret it happened. Or why, how, or where. Do you?”
“I’ve never regretted it. Not even when you took off. I’ve never regretted you. Us.”
“I knew who you were. I know what you did for a living. Even before we met, I’d heard all the stories. About the people you’d gone against, about your kill sheet. I was in that life, too. I was part of it. And then you filled in all those blanks; told me your deepest and darkest secrets and regrets and everything that tried to break you but didn’t. There were other things, too. You LET me see you. The real you. Outside of that life. Yeah, you were messy. But I still fell in love with you. Just like Millie did. As soon as she heard your mint chocolate chip was also your favourite ice cream, that was it for her. That’s all she needed.”
He gives a small chuckle.
“She LOVES you. And she loves LIKE you. With everything she has. She’s a little girl, but she has a massive heart. You’ve seen it yourself. How fiercely and deeply she loves.”
“I have. Especially when it comes to her mum.”
“I’m sorry I kept her from you. I wish she could have loved you from the very start. But she has a long life ahead of her. And so do you. That’s a lot of time with her, Tyler. And she’s already attached to your hip. She’s already a daddy’s girl. Imagine what she’ll be like in a few weeks or months. Years. If you think she’s clingy now….”
“She can be as clingy as she wants. That’s my baby. My little girl.”
“I never doubted your abilities as a father. Not for a second. You were a great dad to Austin. You made some mistakes; you weren’t around as often as you should have been, sometimes you chose the military over your family, and you left him when he needed you the most. But…”
“How can there be a ‘but’? How…?”
“He loved you. With everything he had. You were his hero. He didn’t die hating you. Or thinking you hated him. He died knowing you loved him. Thinking you were brave and strong And you need to try and remember that.”
“Have you been talking to my ex-wife? Don’t tell me you’ve been friends with her all this time, too.”
“I’ve never met her. I don’t think I ever want to. That’s just…I don’t know…awkward for me. But I know what she’s told Alcott. When I sent him fishing for information. I kept an eye on you. In the only way I knew how.”
“You spied on me, you mean.”
“I was worried about you. I may have walked out, but I didn’t stop caring. I didn’t stop loving you. And I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. That you weren’t unnecessarily putting yourself at risk. I just wanted to know you were alright.”
“I was far from alright. Regardless of what people told you.”
“But you didn’t let them see that, did you? I know you, Tyler. Better than you know yourself. I’m the person that you ‘let in’. That you showed every part of yourself, too. And I know how quickly you can turn it all off. For the sake of the job. For self-perseverance.”
“I can’t do it anymore. Or at least I couldn’t do it in New York. Turn it off.”
“You did everything right in New York. You were handling both sides of things. You knew exactly what I needed WHEN I needed it; job Tyler or normal Tyler. Nothing that happened in New York was your fault. Things go wrong. You know that.”
“Seeing you like that, thinking you were dead…”
“But I’m here, right? You made sure of it. A little worse for wear, but I AM here.”
“So this what it’s like when the shoe’s on the other foot, huh? Guess I’m getting a taste of my own medicine. Everything you went through…everything you did for me…after Dhaka.”
“I did it because I wanted to. Because I was already in love with you. You, you got your absolution. You deserved to live. But I had my reasons for what I did, Purely selfish ones. I liked being with you. I liked how you looked at me. How you made me feel. It was like you thought I was the most beautiful thing in the world.”
“I did think that. I still do.”
“And I wanted more of that. I still do. I’ve always wanted you. A life with you. And I’m sorry things didn’t go the way we planned. But now we can make new ones. Have new dreams. And the best part is that Millie exists. She’s here. We get to do all of that WITH her.”
“She’s amazing, Me. I don’t know what I ever did deserve her, but it must have been pretty damn good.”
“You loved her mother. Even on those days when she couldn’t love herself. ESPECIALLY on those days.”
“Falling in love with you was the smartest thing I’ve ever done. And the scariest.”
“It’s nice, isn’t it? Knowing we proved Gaspar wrong. We DID make each other better.”
“We still do.”
“Think we can keep it up?” She trails the pad of her thumb along his lips. “For…I don’t know…the next forty, fifty years?”
“Yeah…” Smiling, he combs his fingers through her hair; settling his palm on the nape of her neck and gently pulling her into a kiss. “...I think we can.”
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katyspersonal · 7 days
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11, 17, and 21 for Micolash!
(Asks from this ( x ) meme)
11) How did you “fall in love” with this character?
Although I liked him from the start, the "falling in love" did not happen instantly! Especially because my primal Bloodborne exposure was within an extremely small and secluded group, in which a snobbish near-Redditor friend would condemn "cringey Tumblr girls crushes" XD I was a little nervous upon realising that my attraction and curiosity to Micolash was only growing with every day, that I kept checking the same fanarts of him every day. I was not thrilled to feel judged so I was in denial and forged exclusively lorediggey interest. And then I just took my confidence back with this meme that started it all:
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Basically, there was no particular trigger, but instead, everything I've learned about this character became planted seeds, and yet they sprouted and kept growing. My own wild, unhinged imagination and daydreaming was the water, good fanart and headcanons were the sunlight. Ironically though, this same friend helped to nourish it; he is very good at making impressions of characters and I asked him to write as Micolash in my starvation for more dialogue. It was so in-character that it did feel like getting extra script of Mico's lines.
17) Have you ever felt physical pain over this character? (ex: physical heartache).
Yeah... I am a little ashamed of it, but ey. No need to beat myself up for how my brain is wired? I've had two times of unexplainable nausea (as it, I was not sick or poisoned) because of this man! Both times happened after a particularly striking dream revolving around him. I also sometimes got strong headaches because of him, when I was spiralling into thinking about him too much!
21) Are your feelings about this character platonic, romantic, or familial? All of these feelings at once maybe?
All of these in this order of development, and currently all of these at once. Like I said, I was instantly fascinated by him, then it grew into a strong crush.. And, strangely enough, whereas I instantly latched onto Rom, kinned her even, and shipped Romicolash, my brain involuntarily imagined an OC that I could project onto more than onto Rom, yet that'd be his sister. So, I had a chance to imagine myself being with him, and yet threw it away for familial relationship instead? This is a part of the many years long string of strange self-sabotages, in which whenever I fell hard for a fictional character I'd "ruin my chances" by making their sexuality exclude me, or inventing any other way why we could not be together even in my dreams. What scares me so? But hey, at least I had Rom, right? .....right?
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Wrong. Meet the description I've glossed over at first, but that changed everything when @val-of-the-north convinced me to really peer into it all like 'ohhhh whooo could they beeee?'. Given the context, the description could be referring to Micolash and Rom, and my lore brain instantly picked up 500+ canon-fitting clues and explanations for why it absolutely made sense. I was delighted by it. I was frustrated by it. I felt like a genius that deciprehered a mystery that fandom did not see for 6-7 years. I knew Romicolash shippers would shy away from me for that one and I felt lonely. I felt proud because on the other side I started a "trend" that ricocheted across the fandom so much that now headcanon of Rom and Micolash as siblings is the norm, not exception. I hated myself for sabotaging my only means to "be" with Micolash in my dreams.
But in the end, I just... accepted it? I've found peace in knowing that different parts of my identity feel differently towards this man, and I can't sacrifice either. And I was able to internalise the differences between my Rom, other people's Rom and Rom as 'general character concept'. So I can like teacher-student, I can like friendship, I can like familial, I can like ship, I can like them as enemies. But this applies to me-me too! It is easier to name what feelings I do not have towards him hahah;
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fizzyxcustard · 6 months
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Betrayal
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Masterlist of all fanfiction
Masterlist of Betrayal
AO3 link to all my fan fictions
Fandom: Crossover of Spooks and Pilgrimage (Modern AU)
Pairings: Lucas North x OC/Raymond de Merville x OC
Warnings: Love triangle. Angst. Language. Smut. Cheating.
Summary: Amy Holland is Lucas North’s girlfriend of six months. Amy is aware of his job as an MI-5 agent and supports him. However, Lucas’ cousin, Raymond de Merville, has always loved Amy and uses their one night stand together as leverage for something more.
Comments/Notes: If you wish to be tagged in any of my tag lists for fics or characters, please let me know, and stipulate what you want to be tagged in. I’m gradually removing people from my tag lists who do not interact.
I'm reposting this because for some reason the chapter 1 link has stopped working - I think I may have accidentally deleted chapter 1 at some point. So I'm re-posting and updating onto my masterlist. I won't tag anyone.
Raymond watched Lucas and Amy from across the room. They were happy, content. But all he could see was something he wanted. He wanted to be Lucas; holding Amy tight, having her look at him with such devotion in her eyes.
Amy’s gaze drifted from Lucas as he pulled himself away from her and got up to get more drinks from the kitchen. She nervously looked across at Raymond, noticing that his eyes were on her. Those eyes were so much like Lucas’, only angrier.
“If you don’t tell him then I will,” Raymond snarled.
“About what?” Amy asked, being taken off guard by Raymond’s fierce tone.
“Us.”
“What do you mean ‘us’? There is no 'us’, Raymond. There never was. It was a stupid mistake,” Amy hissed, her eyes darting towards the door to make sure that Lucas was definitely out of earshot.
“You tease me when you’re together,” Raymond replied. He slipped closer to her, pushing himself to the edge of the armchair. “I see you look at me, wanting to have an audience.”
“Fuck off!” Amy growled. “This is in your head. If it bothers you that much then you don’t have to come round as often as you do.”
“I see you blush when I walk past you,” Raymond purred. He got up and leaned down towards Amy’s ear. “I can almost hear you groan like you did when I fucked you. You break it off with him, or I’ll tell him every minute detail of what we did. That was definitely my name you moaned in my ear, not his. You want me.”
Amy shivered, and shifted away.
Lucas came back into the room and put the open bottles of lager and cider on the coffee table. He sat back down beside Amy, curling his arm around her shoulder.
Raymond’s eyes grew dark and Amy watched his jaw clench. The frustration was building, and Amy was sure that he would blow any second. It never took much to cause a volatile Raymond de Merville to explode.
Half hour later, Amy told Lucas that she had a headache and wanted to leave. “Give me a second and I’ll grab my coat and walk you home,” Lucas said, getting to his feet.
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll walk her back,” Raymond offered.
“No, it’s alright. Lucas can take me,” Amy demanded.
“You live closer to me. It’s not fair making him go out when you’re on the way back to mine,” Raymond grinned.
“Thanks, mate,” Lucas replied. “I’ve got an early start tomorrow.”
Raymond’s eyes sparkled in wicked delight as he escorted Amy out of Lucas’ flat. Just as the door closed behind them and Amy had given her boyfriend their usual goodnight kiss, Raymond placed his hand on the small of her back.
Immediately Amy recoiled. “Don’t touch me, Raymond,” she grimaced. “You’re fucking enjoying this too much. Why would you want to do this to your cousin? Lucas is a good man.”
Raymond chuckled as they walked. “Come on, you haven’t exactly been an angel, have you? Only a month into your relationship with him, and you were shagging me.”
“It was once!”
“I didn’t tie your hands behind your back and force you to do it. Although I can imagine that would have been quite fun.”
“You’re absolutely disgusting.”
Amy and Raymond walked the dark London street, passing shops that were just beginning to close. There was still plenty of traffic around, mainly taxis escorting inebriated customers back home after a night of alcohol consumption.
“Please, Raymond. Don’t tell Lucas. I love him,” Amy begged. She looked at Raymond, seeing so much of Lucas in his face, considering they were only cousins. Was that why she had slept with him? She wanted to taste that man who seemed to be a physical representation of a darker Lucas North.
Raymond stopped suddenly and looked at her. “I have to see that bastard live the life I want whenever he’s with you.” His words were cold, full of venom.
“Raymond…” Amy began. “Don’t. You’re pinning everything on me…”
“I fucking love you, Amy.”
Amy felt those shivers race up her spine again and she closed her eyes, allowing one tear to drip down her cheek. “I don’t want to hurt you…”
“You can’t stop that,” Raymond said. “That pain is my own doing.”
The two of them stopped under a streetlamp, illuminated. There was no one else around as they looked at each other, their bodies shifting closer like magnets. Raymond leaned down and brushed his lips across hers, his stubble tickling her.
“Please, don’t…” she whispered.
“Break up with him, or I tell him everything that happened between us.”
Amy knew he was serious. His eyes were hard with resolve, icy. “And what have you got to offer that’s better than what Lucas has? I’m assuming that you want to take over from where he left off if I break up with him.”
“I wouldn’t keep putting my job before you. His dedication to duty is admirable, but you should come first. I imagine you get lonely at night. I’d make sure you were looked after…and, of course, completely satisfied. I know you enjoyed that night. I felt you shake. How often does he make you come like that?”
Amy looked away, feeling those waves of arousal wash over her again. It was all building, exactly like it had done when she gave in to her primal need and let him have her. Truth be told, Amy had never orgasmed as hard as she did when with Raymond. It literally took her breath away, rendering her speechless for a few seconds afterwards. Her whole body had become weak in the quake, her nerve endings in shreds. Her body was left warm, filled with those wonderful endorphins.
Raymond also recollected that night. Something had snapped in Amy, an inhibition that had always been in place when with Lucas. Not that he was at their window when they made love. But Raymond could sense it. Amy had reacted so naturally to Raymond’s roughness, welcoming it. Ever since she had left his flat that night, he had yearned for more of her. Taking her, with him behind, her bent over the sofa, hard and fierce, had not been enough. Taking her, positioned against the wall, him pounding in with sharp, angled thrusts, was not enough. Then taking her again, this time with her on top, her hips bobbing back and forth so rhythmically and him fondling her breasts, was not enough. The blow job she had later given him, with him holding her head in place, had not been enough.
Once at Amy’s flat and she let the floodgates open. She asked him in, knowing full well what his answer would be. Now that the floodgates were open, would she be able to close them again?
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ericmicael · 7 months
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The Frozen franchise treats that Anna and Elsa are living in different places from the end of "Frozen 2" as something unimportant, is it a hit or a miss?
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I will consider it a mistake if this theme is not important in "Frozen 3".
Elsa starting to live in the Enchanted Forest (Ahtohallan is her spiritual retreat/private library) and Anna staying in Attendelle was why I initially hated "Frozen 2" before I even watched the movie, I even got an earful from a girl maybe half of my age. But it was enough to watch the movie to understand why (although it still frustrates me that there was little development of these reasons, and one of the best scenes of Anna in relation to Arendelle was only in a book being replaced in the film by a moment of romance/comedy).
Anna and Elsa see each other frequently, and we have Gale acting as a medieval WhatsApp for the sisters. In fact, maybe they talk more today through Gale than after “Frozen 1”.
And “Polar Nights” which is the only really relevant post-F2 material is more concerned with criticizing people who say: “Elsa doesn't need romance because she's an independent woman” and “Anna is not fit to be queen, make Elsa queen again", than to address this topic. And as in the previous paragraph, it only reinforces that the sisters remain very close.
I'm not saying I want them to talk about how damaging the sisters' second separation was, they're pretty mature adult women. But I wanted this matter to be something other than... Nothing, as it currently is.
And especially for me that could be a really interesting theme for "Frozen 3": Anna and Elsa living in different places and bonding with different people, creating their own families, and feeling like they've drifted apart. For me this would be a much more interesting drama between them than the F2 drama, for example.
So as I said in the first sentence of the post, as well as the current small approach with the Northuldras (which until today the approach has been reduced to phrases and sporadic ElsaMaren moments in a cell phone game, and in the future a conversation about mythology) that it is possible to understand with the thought that they are saving the tribe for “Frozen 3”, you can also understand the absence of this theme if it is addressed in the third film where I imagine there will be the classic time skip of 3 years after the prologue with KristAnna's wedding.
But I understand those who don't want this topic to be addressed, but for me it's an interesting topic to bring new lessons about family and would give some real importance to this theme that has caused so much discussion in the fandom in recent years.
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sybill-the-seer · 1 year
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thoughts on the Evans family ?
Thanks for the ask, Anon! I apologize I’ve been so slow responding.
I’ll be honest, I haven’t thought too much about the Evans family beyond Lily and Petunia, but I can try to share some thoughts on the two of them.
I’ve always related quite a bit to both Lily and Petunia because of the dysfunctional love-hate relationship they have which is (sadly) similar to the relationship I have with my own sister. I feel deeply for Lily, as I understand the feeling of desperately wanting a good relationship with your sister, and having to come to terms with the realization that it might never happen because of circumstances outside of your control (in my case, a sister who refuses to acknowledge and get help with mental health issues and as a result, has pushed me away with toxic behaviors). I can also see where Petunia is coming from (despite the fact that she is the one causing much of the dysfunction), and can understand some of her feelings as well (for different reasons): her frustration with her sister, dreaming of living away on her own, where she can have her perfect house and family, free from the stress of living with her sister, and free to give in to her perfectionist tendencies without Lily “ruining” things for her. (If you can’t tell, I’m looking forward to moving out this year and having some much needed space from my sister for my own mental health and sanity. It’s been a long time coming.)
Despite my connection with Lily, Petunia is the sister that truly fascinates me, perhaps because we get to see more of her in the books. She is the woman who raised Harry (although she did a terrible job of it and I will never forgive her for the way she treated my boy), and her perfectionistic, obsessive tendencies are of particular interest to me. Aside from her penchant for cleanliness, I read Petunia as someone who struggles to discard troublesome thoughts and things that bother her — she goes over negative thoughts obsessively, in particular the thought: “what would my life be like right now if my nephew weren’t here?” This, I think, is how she slowly begins to justify her hatred and mistreatment of Harry. It was always more than simple jealousy of her sister (although I’m sure the jealousy was still there). Petunia had her perfect idea of what her life should look like, and couldn’t stop obsessing over the fact that it wasn’t happening, to the point of neglecting, ignoring, and eventually outright mistreating Harry. She tried in vain to hold onto her “perfect,” “normal” family of three, instead of accepting what was and making the best of it. Not only was Harry a reminder of Lily; his presence was a stain on her ideal life. Petunia couldn’t stamp out her invasive negative thoughts, so instead, she stamped on Harry. It was easier for her to do everything she could to pretend he wasn’t there than to accept him as part of her family. She was placed in a situation that she wasn’t able to deal with in a healthy way. She couldn’t handle the job she was asked to do, and really screwed it up (along with Harry’s childhood).
This is why I dislike it when Petunia is characterized in fandom as simply “Harry’s evil aunt.” There’s just…so much more there to explore? And it’s frustrating to me when her character is glossed over like that. I tend to try to give Petunia a bit of a heart in my writing — as terrible as she is, she is still human. I believe she has small moments of clarity where she feels guilt for the way she treats Harry, a feeling which is unfortunately quickly pushed away because she can’t handle the discomfort and cognitive dissonance of it all.
As a note, I want to HEAVILY emphasize that I am in NO WAY trying to justify Petunia’s treatment of Harry. What she did was terrible and there is no justification for it, no matter what “justifications” I imagine Petunia tried to come up with herself. I’m simply trying to get inside Petunia’s head to get a better grasp of her character.
But back to the Evans family — I’m sure Lily and Petunia’s parents were wonderful people, and that both Lily and Petunia mourned deeply when they passed. I headcanon that they were muggle casualties in the first wizarding war, adding more fuel to the fire for Petunia’s hatred of Lily and the magical world. (In her mind, that would make Harry indirectly responsible for her parents deaths…)
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killemwithkawaii · 1 year
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Hiya, Senpai! Love your blog, and your Goretober Event was so fun!!
I have an anonymous confession to make (although it's kinda just me complaining for a bit. You're one of the only ppl I feel I can whine to abt this. I hope this is okay!). So I am into stuffing as a kink, and the well of content for that in the Sally Face fandom is so darn dry! 😫 It doesn't help that I'm suuuuper picky abt it; I only really like it soft and in the realm of realism, so there has not been much content that checks those boxes for me. Ofc, the solution would be to make said content myself, but rn I'm too chicken. As someone who's not a chicken, have you still experienced such a lack of kink content in a fandom you want to see it for?
-🍿 (I'd like to be this anon if I ever come back to whine lol. I didn’t see popcorn on your anon list but please correct me if I'm wrong!)
>You are so sweet tysm!! 🥺💖 You have officially been added to the Anon Signoff Claim List, 🍿 anon! Welcome to the club! 🤗💖
>Right off the bat, I have to say you are so fucking Valid and I FEEEEL IT 😫😫😫 It's so hard when you have a more niche kink(s) and are also Very Picky about it, and looking for such content in a relatively small fandom can be so frustrating!! Unfortunately, in that situation, you might have to roll up your sleeves and create the smut you want to see in the world. That's what I've been doing for the last three years on this blog! I didn't see much in the way of Sal x reader fics when I got into Sally Face, let alone any fics that catered to my personal tastes, so I had to make them myself. As a result, I have created a place for the other deviants in the fandom to congregate and discuss such topics. I'm really proud of it, and I'm really happy you feel my blog is a space where you can do a little venting about your Thirst that has not been Quenched UwU
>My suggestions for you are: Write those fics and make that art!! You can make a side blog specifically for your spicy content if you'd like to keep it separate from your main. Who knows, maybe there are other people in the fandom that are into the same stuff, and they'll find your content and be inspired to contribute as well! :D Once you start, you'll gain confidence as you go (trust me, there are still some kinks I haven't discussed much on the blog that I'm working up the courage to and very slowly introducing, so don't feel bad about being shy and starting small!)
>If you're not quite ready to start making your own content, you can always submit imagines or make requests here! I'm happy to publish content and take requests for kinks that I'm not necessarily into, as long as they comply with my general writing rules. For example, I've written an imagine and taken a commission for tickling kink content, and honestly enjoyed being able to do so. It's an absolute joy for me to provide you thirsty bastards with the content you crave, and it's very interesting for me to explore kink from a psychological perspective and just learn about it in general!
However you decide to proceed, I hope you have fun with it, and I'm looking forward to hearing from you again ^^
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crescenttwins · 1 year
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of legacies [Barbara-centric, G, 1.6k]
Title: of legacies Fandom: Genshin Impact Rating: G Characters/Pairings: Barbara, Frederica, Seamus, Jean Warnings: N/A A/N: This is about Barbara's career path, but through interactions with her family and her own expectations.
The problem with being a legacy child is that people expect you to be great. It is like the leaves burning gold with the coming of autumn, the inevitable conclusion to a story that starts once upon a time, and the dream of children who grow up clad in the histories of their ancestors.
“You can stop now,” her mother says as Barbara fumbles her sword. Her palms are stinging, bites of flesh unused to strain, to hardwork, and Barbara doesn’t dare to lift her eyes. If she sees her mother’s lips tilt downwards, the frustration bubbling in her cheeks will bubble over into tears. 
Frederica Gunnhildr sighs. 
Barbara flinches. She stands up straight, fingers tight around the hilt of her wooden practice sword, and hopes that her mother is not comparing her with her sister. She knows it would be difficult not to: by her age, Jean had already advanced into the Gunnhildr’s legendary forms. Even now, Jean is spoken about with the likes of Diluc Ragnvindr—knights brimming with potential. Her sister is busy. Her sister is strong. Her sister did not have to beg their father to allow swordsmanship lessons from their mother.
Barbara is small for her age, and no amount of hard work can make her body catch up with the movements her mother demonstrates. Barbara is hopeful, and no amount of hard work can disguise her lack of talent with the sword.
“Barbara,” her mother says, softly, “it’s time we decide whether or not you want to continue sword training. There is no shame in giving up if you are not suited to it.”
“I’m a descendent of the Gunnhildr clan,” Barbara says, because she cannot say this is the only time I get to see you or I want to be with my big sister. 
Frederica squats in front of her, and Barbara reluctantly meets her eyes. “Jean is a fine heir to the Gunnhildr name. I trained her to know the etiquette and the knowledge—the skills—that need to be carried on to the next generation. She will pass on that knowledge to her children, or to yours. You do not have to carry the Gunnhildr clan’s legacy.” 
“I want to.” Barbara protests, but her fingers are trembling on the hilt of the blade. Little murmurs from her own body are pleading for her to stop. To accept that although she is a descendant of the Gunnhildr clan, she is a Pegg after her father and no adventurous knight. To give up would make the tremors in her fingers evolve into an earthquake that will shift the future she has always imagined. 
Her mother watches her face carefully and pats her head. “You should think about what makes you happy.”
— — —
Barbara’s hair is not the spun gold of her mother, of her sister, of a Gunnhildr. Her hair is the duller ash blonde of her father, the color dried leaves turn before they crumble into dust.
“Seneschal Seamus Pegg,” Barbara says seriously, her hands tucked into her lap, “I come seeking guidance.” She has thought over her mother’s words and accepted them. While giving up swordsmanship is acceptable, however, Barbara is determined not to give up until she has something to take its place. Some new meaning. Some new purpose to propel her forward and allow her to protect the ones she loves. 
Her father blinks at her across his desk, made uncertain by her formality. But Barbara is here as a supplicant and not as his daughter, and so she waits for him to respond instead of making a face. “Barbara Pegg,” he returns, “what guidance do you seek?”
“I don’t know what makes me happy,” Barbara blurts. 
Her father’s face falls, and the little space between his eyebrows comes together in a scrunch. “I thought you wanted to become a swordswoman? That is why you have been seeking your mother out, is it not?”
Barbara winces, and she twists her fingers together. “I…don’t have the talent for combat,” she admits, “and Mother has suggested that I reconsider my path.”
“...I’m sorry to hear—”
“I agree with her!” Barbara interrupts, before the words hide themselves back amidst the upset in her belly, “I want to find what I will be good at!” The smile on her lips is even halfway to earnest. “Each and every citizen of Mondstadt was blessed by Barbatos, and I just have to find out what suits me best!”
“...Yes,” her father agrees.
“Yes, and…” Barbara peeks up at her father. “I’ve been struggling a bit with the role that my Archon has given me. What is the purpose of my life that will bring me the greatest happiness?”
“Barbara,” Seamus says, pained, “you’re not even fourteen years old yet. These are quite…large questions, for a girl still small.”
“The Anemo Archon blesses every citizen of Mondstadt, whether child or grown,” Barbara recites from one of Seamus’s own sermons. “Do you think it will take me a long time to figure out what I want to do?” She bites her lip.
“It will take some time,” her father confirms. He laughs when Barbara sighs, but Barbara supposes that her father has the right to—he was a legendary adventurer even before he became a leader of Mondstadt, and it has probably been a long time since he has had the same concerns. “Let us begin at the start. Why did you want to learn to fight?”
“I want to help others.”
“What does helping others mean? Do you mean protecting them from harm?”
Barbara stares at him seriously. “I…don’t know. I want people to be happy, and I want to help people be happy.” She resists the urge to kick her legs out to quell some of the anxiety in her chest; she’s not a child, after all.
“That’s a really good start, Barbara,” her father praises. “Let us continue in that line. Do you want to help the knights, or the everyday citizen? There are many support roles that you can aspire to. The Knights, the Church, or the businesses around Mondstadt—don’t all of them help you be happy in some way?”
“Even if I’m not so good at combat, I can still help,” Barbara decides, and hums. “I want to help. If I can help the citizens of Mondstadt…but…”
“But?”
“But I want to be near my big sister,” Barbara whispers, afraid of breaking her father’s heart. “I want to be someone she’s proud of, someone who can help her.”
“Do you need to be in the Knights of Favonius to accomplish that?” Her father asks, nudging the broken pieces of her imagined future aside.
“I don’t,” Barbara decides.
“Then why not try something else? You can be an herbalist, or a navigator, or a cook—even this old Seneschal of the Church will sometimes accompany Master Varka on an expedition.”
Barbara smiles at her father, putting her hands on her hips to point out his deception. “You were an adventurer before you joined the Church! That doesn’t count!” 
“Oh, you caught me,” Seamus says, “but it doesn’t mean you need to give up on things. With your strong faith, you can become a deaconess of the Church. With your lovely voice, you can become a bard. With your care for people’s wellbeing, you can become a healer. There are many options, and each deserves its own consideration. Well. You’re practically an official of the Church already, given how much of your childhood you’ve spent in these halls.”
The options are almost dizzying. A pile of thoughts for Barbara to digest and to hold up to the light to see what kinds of rainbows they might cast. She twists her fingers together and thinks, and thinks.
— — —
It will be some time before she meets with her big sister again. Jean Gunnhildr will have taken on the title of Master of the Knights, and Barbara will have become a Deaconess of the Church. They will both be blessed by Visions, shining emblems worn at their hips. 
Jean will have gotten taller, tall enough to be a hero from the storybooks and just as talented with a sword. During ceremonies, she will stand tall as Barbara speaks blessings over the Knights. She will, as always, be the pride of the Gunnhildr legacy and devote herself to Mondstadt. 
Barbara, who will grow famous for her healing and her voice, will clasp her hands together and pray. Her mother will send her dresses for performances and her father will leave her in charge of the Church when he is called away. She will dream of standing by her sister’s side, of making her sister happy and of protecting her. Her heart will flutter when she meets Jean’s eyes, nervous to know whether Jean sees her and thinks of her as a worthy sister, even after losing so many years together.
She will have her dreams unravel in her palms when she learns that Jean is also a healer. She will learn that once again, her sister is incredible, and she will only feel bitter for a short while before she takes it as motivation to improve. 
Barbara will sing songs to raise the spirits of Mondstadt as her sister defends their livelihoods, and she will improve her healing until Jean doesn’t need to do everything herself. Barbara will be Mondstadt’s first idol and their first supporter, and she will work hard to protect their happiness.
She will not carry Gunnhildr’s legacy; she will carry one all of her own.
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katierosefun · 3 years
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god i forgot how much i love podcasts and also how odd it feels to ship people on these audio drama podcasts
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yandereloversblog · 2 years
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Those headcanons of Michael were interesting, thank you! I'd like to share this scenario: his darling knows his tricks as in the past someone else too isolated her, monopolized her attention, and manipulated her; although it wasn't a significant other but a toxic relative. But darling cunningly plays along by "resisting" then gradually "giving in" making Michael think his methods payed off. Everything's perfect. Until one day she's gone without a trace. What's his reaction and what happens next?
𝕐𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕖!𝕄𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕖𝕝 𝔸𝕗𝕥𝕠𝕟 -> 𝔻𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕖𝕤𝕔𝕒𝕡𝕖𝕤
•I'm glad that you liked them! Yeah I'd actually like to write this considering how I make Michael. I'm just gonna make it a drabble for now.
•Also I'm running out of GIFs... Looks like I'm gonna make banners of everyone now-
───────•°˖~❉᯽❉~˖°•───────
>Fandom: Five Nights At Freddy's
>Character: Michael Afton
>Warnings: Yandere, Unhealthy and Toxic mindset, Toxic behaviour, Stalking, Kidnapping, Mentions of Murder
>Type Of Content: Drabble-Imagine
───────•°˖~❉᯽❉~˖°•───────
"I'll let you play for a bit."
•Being the stalker Michael was, after gaining an interest in you and already having started to manipulate you to stay with him, he'd obviously know about that relative. He'll be digging up into your family and your background to know whatever he deemed important -which when it came to you was everything- until he finds out about them.
Michael would be angry and very frustrated, how dare that person do that to you! He'll definitely kill them, and if they live far away he's going to attack them from the internet and gain blackmail by hacking, anything to make them suffer. He'll even go from your phone and message them to come over so he can be sure to end their life.
"Nobody should dare to do that to them!"
•It would take a week of him love bombing and showing you constant affection -In his mind, you need all the love he can give after what you went through- for his anger and frustration to die down and to realize that he's doing the same thing and he's being a hypocrite.
"Thank you…" You mumbled softly, taking the purple jacket Michael had gifted to you as a gift today, it's matching his "Don't worry about it dearest, anything you want." Michael smiled, gently wrapping a hand around your shoulder and pulled you in for a small hug. You wanted to scoff, he's always buying the two of you couple outfits or gifts that you're sure have some sort of listening devices, cameras or anything that alerts him of your location.
'Hypocrite…' You thought to yourself in annoyance, lightly glaring at the jacket "My perfume is done…" You mumbled shortly after, smelling just a small whiff of Michael, you knew it was because he had been stealing it from you for whatever sick reason, the brunet smelled like you "I'll get you another one. Just be sure to wear the jacket." Michael chuckled, you're stuck staring at the subtle 'M.A' sewed onto the collar of the jacket "Sure…"
•Watching you be so easily restrained by him and learn all the rules so easily, Michael will realise it's because you've experienced it before and he's doing the same thing. He'll be too preoccupied with feeling guilty to realise that you're acting and have everything under control.
This hazed, sloppy guilt will last for about a week or two; during those weeks he'll be completely convinced that you're under his control because you've already used to this treatment -he does feel bad but Michael is thankful you're so easy to take care of- but after those he'll be back to his usual self.
Immediately notice any weird off put behaviour and stricken his rules and demeanour, you've been through this before so obviously you'd know how to act if you're forced into the situation again.
If you happen to escape during those first two weeks Michael will be shocked, when? How?? Why??? Then it will dawn on him what has happened
"Of course… How could I be so stupid?"
•Michael will let you enjoy your freedom for a while before starting to track you down, retracing your steps carefully before finding you. He'll firstly stay in the shadows, learning your new routine again, taking notes before finally catching you when you lower your guard.
"You've played enough. It burned me to leave you alone for so long… Come on, I've bought a new collar that I'm sure you'll like."
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irrealisms · 3 years
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c!Tommy is annoying (and that’s important)
I have... a lot of feelings about c!Tommy in s2, from the start of the exile conflict through the Green Festival. I also think the fandom tends to mischaracterize him--I know I’m guilty of this, and as a c!Tommy lover I’ll be mostly addressing a thing that I and other people who love his character don’t focus on as much--which makes me sad because the aspects of his character that tend to get glossed over are also some of the ones that are most personally meaningful to me. (rest of the post is /rp, because “c!” gets annoying to type.)
Specifically: Tommy is loud. He’s abrasive. He’s annoying. He threatens, he griefs, he steals. He lies, blatantly, all the time. He tends to be self-centered (despite being deeply selfless). He lashes out at people who are trying to help him.
He is, in short, a bad victim.
And this is precisely what makes him vulnerable. 
Some people on the server were opposed to and sad about exile, sure. But a lot of people? Thought it was funny, that it was natural consequences, that it was deserved. Sapnap came and laughed, Technoblade came and laughed, Lazar came and laughed, Quackity came and laughed. Now, we don’t know what would have happened if Ranboo was the one being isolated and abused; maybe it would be the same. But I don’t think it would have been. A lot of characters have issues with Tommy or simply find him unpleasant to be around, and I would imagine that a significant number of them were probably, on some level, kind of relieved that he wasn’t their problem anymore. To be clear, I don’t entirely blame them for this! Tommy is... a lot, and they (mostly) didn’t know the full extent of what Tommy was going through. Even those of them that tried to visit with good intentions often got their gifts burned and called “pity gifts”, got insulted or yelled at by Tommy, etc.--or in Jack Manifold’s case, actually killed! The first time I watched the leadup to exile arc, I found Tommy difficult to sympathize with at first--he lied to L’Manberg before his trial; he refused to cooperate with probation while he was on it, even though Tubbo was pushing for it as an alternative to exile; at the beginning of exile, he would sometimes log on to visitors, drive them away, and then complain that he was lonely. As much as it’s obviously ultimately Dream’s fault, it’s easy to look at Tommy and not feel much sympathy for his position or feel that it’s partially self-made. It’s easy for outsiders to look at a Tommy who isn’t stealing, isn’t griefing, who is comparatively quieter, who isn’t their problem anymore, and be relieved rather than concerned. 
Exile arc makes it obvious that they’re wrong.
(Incidentally, I have a lot of sympathy for what Dream’s going through in the prison.)
And not only are they wrong, but exile makes the consequences of this painfully, horrifyingly clear: the abuse gets worse, Tommy gets more and more depressed, and at the climax of it all Tommy attempts suicide. 
(Although notably to me, he’s not the stereotypical victim during exile arc, either--he doesn’t cry on stream, he’s still trying to make dumb jokes, he’s not strategic, he refuses to listen to people, he switches wildly between fight and fawn responses without much correlation with who he’s talking to or how he’s being treated.)
Tommy’s recovery arc, after all of this, starts with him stealing valuables from Technoblade, building a secret basement underneath the existing basements, and then loudly asserting that it’s his house and Technoblade is trespassing.
I could talk about how these things are rooted in trauma. I could talk about how his constant eating of golden apples comes after a period of food insecurity, appetite/disordered eating problems, and physical abuse. I could talk about how he’s regained some of his energy after a period of depression but has nowhere to let it out in a small basement room. I could talk about how he repeatedly annoys Technoblade--quite probably the best PVPer on the server--perhaps in part as a test of how far he can go before he gets abused again, and in part as a sign that he feels safe enough to be annoying without being abused.
But that’s... not the heart of it, at least not to me. The heart of it is that before exile, Tommy would have stolen from Technoblade without a second’s thought, and during exile, Tommy didn’t steal from Technoblade because “Dream wouldn’t like it”, and afterwards, he steals from Technoblade again. 
Sure, he’s being annoying. But more importantly, he’s being himself again. Before exile, I might have rolled my eyes, because Technoblade worked for those potions and golden apples and armor and so on, and Tommy’s totally ruining his chest organization system. After exile? I cheered. Tommy’s being Tommy again. And, yeah, that means that he’s being annoying, he’s stealing, he’s ruining dramatic moments. So what? None of that stuff is actually all that bad, in the grand scheme of things. He’s not depressed, he’s not suicidal, he’s not being abused. He’s a teenager and he’s having fun. Technoblade will tease him for it, but he won’t hit Tommy, won’t take his stuff, won’t threaten him, won’t isolate him any further. That’s what a proportionate response to finding Tommy annoying looks like: teasing. 
I’d also like to address one more thing, which... I couldn’t figure out how to fit in the rest of the post, but it felt incomplete without it. Right before the meeting that ends with Tommy pulling out Spirit, Tommy asks everyone what the plan is, and is basically told that the plan is for him to be quiet. He says “you guys, please, for the love of God, you know I’ve watched for this long, I’m not going to be quiet.” He reiterates this throughout the conversation: he can try to be quiet, but it is not, ultimately, as easy for him as “be quiet”. This is also the source of Tubbo’s anger at him-- Tommy can’t do “one simple thing” for him. I’m not claiming Tommy is neurodivergent, but... as a neurodivergent person, Tommy repeatedly saying “I cannot do this thing that is simple for you, I can’t, empirically every time we have tried this in the past it has failed, if you make more plans based on that then they will also fail, have you met me” and having this seen as evidence of me not caring or trying... resonated with me. Which isn’t to say it’s not a flaw--almost all character traits can be flaws in the right (or, well, wrong) situations--but it does show that Tommy has some level of self-awareness about his flaws, which is something I appreciate about him, and it frustrates me when that goes unacknowledged. Tommy knows he’s annoying. He jokes about it. But he can’t actually... turn it off. Whether or not he should (and I would argue that he shouldn’t have to) isn’t even in question: he can’t. This is who he is. The only time we see him less loud and more capable of being obedient is exile, when he’s severely depressed and being abused. That’s fascinating to me, as a character trait!
In my experience, there’s a specific archetype of abuse victims in fiction that is... overrepresented. I can’t quite find the words to talk about it in a way that doesn’t technically include Tommy, but... the ways Tommy is important to me is the ways that (a) he doesn’t fit that archetype (b) not fitting that archetype makes him more vulnerable to abuse. He’s not always easy for other characters to talk to or sympathize with... which makes him uniquely easy to isolate and victim blame. That’s important. I think I tend to downplay Tommy’s annoying tendencies because I want to emphasize his sympathetic traits, and that’s fine, but it’s important to me that... Tommy’s a victim, and he’s annoying. Annoying people can be victims just as much as shy rule-followers can. Not only that: Tommy’s a victim in part because he’s annoying. Him being annoying is a risk factor for abuse, not an excuse for it.
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Writing Toph Beifong, Advice from a Blind Writer
I’m Mimzy, an actual visually impaired writer and blogger who talks a lot about writing blind characters accurately and sensitively. A while back someone sent me an anon asking how to write Toph more accurately and sensitively.
Anonymous asked: Hi there! Your blog has been super-helpful already - I thought I knew a bit about writing with blind characters, but it turns out there was a lot to learn - but this is more specific. I'm writing a The Last Airbender fanfiction, and one of the characters is Toph. I think the fandom has done a fairly good job of respecting her blindness, but what are some things you'd like to see when people write her? I want to represent the character as best as possible; thanks in advance!
It’s taken a while for me to answer because I have a lot of thoughts about it as both a blind writer and someone who has read a lot of atla fanfiction. So here we go:
Before we get started, I want to mention some things: 
One: I have an entire series for writing blind characters that continues to grow with time and the most up-to-date version can be found pinned as the top post on my blog. There will be a time-stamp for when the post was last edited and a long series of links to all relevant posts on the subject.
Here’s a quick link to that post, but again, all you have to do is click my blog url and you’ll find it immediately.
Two: I’ve noticed something amazing about the atla fandom and I would like to thank you for it. I’ve noticed a lot of bloggers have taken to writing image descriptions for both the fanart and memes you post in the fandom, whether it’s OP including the description or another blogger adding it themselves. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a fandom so consistently doing this and that’s incredible. Realizing how many different blogs were picking up this habit has warmed my heart.
I’d like to see writers use her other senses. There’s soooo so much more to her O&M (Orientation and Mobility) than earth sense. 
Beyond sight and earth bending, there’s hearing, touch, smell, taste, sense of direction, hot vs cold, sense of pain, sense of where your body parts are in relation to the rest of you, sense of internal well-being, etc. Before Toph had mastery of her earth bending, she had to have mastery of those too.
Toph also must have very strong opinions about certain smells, sounds, tastes, and textures. Toph is opinionated about everything, and when so much of your understanding of the world depends on senses that most people are ignoring in favor of some other sense you don’t have, it gets frustrating. I’m sure that tree looks pretty but the smell is terrible. Who cares if this fabric looks pretty, it’s scratchy, do. not. like. at. all.
But also in positive ways too. Oh, that flower arrangement looks bland and monochromatic? Who cares, it smells sweet and honey-like. Weird dark cavern with high ceiling and no light? The harmonics are awesome.
Every character probably has a certain sight or image they’re particularly fond of: Katara watching snow fall, or Aang enjoying how small the world looks from up on Appa, or Zuko enjoying the sunrise every morning during meditation. In that line, Toph must have some things personal to her that she enjoys.
I imagine she likes the taste of foods familiar to her childhood, the smell of whatever flowers grew around her home, and the texture of certain kinds of dirt Example: loose dirt probably isn’t the best for seeing, but I think she would enjoy how it feels to run her fingers through it or maybe enjoy the way it softens her perception of the world the same way sighted people like to see colorful, bright lights reflecting off puddles in the middle of rain.
If you struggle with this, that’s okay. I recommend taking some time to think about it for yourself, to find what tastes and smells and textures and sounds you enjoy the most, what makes you feel safe and at home, what brings you comfort, and relate that back to Toph.
In a Modern AU, I want to see Toph have a cane. Even in a Modern AU with bending included in the world building, I think Toph would benefit from having a cane.
The cane has a lot more function than bumping into things. A big part is that it signals to others that you are very obviously blind. Which is a big deal because sighted people are really, really bad at spotting the blind person.
(psst, please stop saying ‘the blank look in her eyes’ because I swear to god it’s been killing me inside for years.)
Also, even in an AU with bending, I think Toph would like the advantage of tapping her cane to create a stronger, more distinct vibration than a small shifting of her weight on her feet. It would have more control.
You could give Toph a guide animal, buuuuuuut, um, Toph is not a guide dog person. Like, there are some people who definitely prefer a guide dog, and some people who definitely prefer a cane, and some who definitely prefer no mobility device at all. Toph does not have the vibes of someone who wants to be both responsible and reliant on an animal when she’s so insistent that she can take care of herself on her own. Toph likes animals, but not that much.
Although, yeah, only 10% of the blind community use mobility devices, so cane and guide dog users are the minority of the blind community, but I stand by the vibe that Toph would love the independence of a cane. Also, it’s almost never ever done. Modern AUs never seem to touch much on Toph’s O&M skills with canes or guide dogs.
I wrote a whole post on everything you need to know about canes, what orientation and mobility is, how you learn O&M, what kind of canes exist, how to use them, how to describe the sensory input a cane gives you, and everything I know about guide dogs from past research.
Honestly, you could give Toph (or any blind character) a cane in any AU, because I fully stand by the theory that canes are a piece of technology that has been invented, lost, and reinvented again and again.
I wrote “I found a piece of lost blindness history” a few months ago after a visit to see my grandparents. My grandmother told me how her blind aunt found a way to write letters by hand to send to my grandmother when she was a child. I speculated on how the long cane has probably been invented and then lost and then reinvented over and over again in history, as well as giving a little history on the growing popularity of guide dogs in the 20th century following World War 1.
About the “blank look in her eyes,” I have a theory to the exact cause and nature of Toph’s blindness.
I know it’s common to think that the milky green color of her eyes is why she’s blind, though I’m not sure how many realize that milky green color is caused by severe cataracts. At least, cataracts is what I assume to be the reason for the color of her eyes. However, people with cataracts still have some remaining sense of light and shadow perception.
Only 9% of the blind community is completely blind, seeing absolutely nothing. The rest have some remaining vision, even if that’s only light and shadow perception or the perception of vague movement.
The percentage of people born completely blind is even smaller.
Toph says that she’s never been able to see, which would lead me to guess that the initial cause of her blindness was a defect with the visual processing part of her brain. I also theorize that the cataracts developed slowly over her very formative years and that she likely wasn’t born with them. For that reason, I think it would have taken a few weeks or months for her parents to realize there was something wrong with her eyes.
Here is a post about the developmental years of blind children and how their life would differ from both sighted children and from someone who went blind as an adult.
What is it like to see nothing?
It’s a concept that sighted people struggle with and I completely understand. I myself didn’t understand the concept of “nothing” until someone explained it as this:
“Imagine trying to see out the back of your head.”
Which, genuinely, imagine that. Try that. Because here’s what I found. There’s no part of my body that can help perceive that. I don’t have eyes there, nor do I have a part of my brain that can process that. Because of this, there is no sense of light or dark, no shape or shadow or movement or depth that I can perceive. There is nothing.
And honestly, it gives me a headache trying to think too much about it.
Toph doesn’t see black, doesn’t have a mental image of it. When people talk about light and dark, Toph has nothing to base the concept on. The closest relation she has to that is silence versus sound, or her earth sense when she’s in the air on Appa versus when she’s on solid ground. But it’s not the same.
I would like to examine the way the show tried to describe Toph’s earth sense, that black void with ripples of white stretching from her feet and outwards. Television is a visual medium so of course their explanation of Toph’s earth sense would be visual, but that’s not what it’s actually like in her head. More accurately, it’s like touching the back of your head to something and feeling what’s solid behind it and what has more give. A wall versus a pillow for example. Slamming your hand on a flimsy table and feeling it rattle under your palm. And for someone so adept at using that sense, she feels not just the table surface under her palm, but the individual rattles down the four legs, how uneven those rattles are because the legs are carved decoratively instead of solid planks, and how the foot of each leg bumps against the ground, and how the floor vibrates in response to the impact, which she feels in both her feet and hand. 
About Toph’s Relationship with Her Parents
It’s not something I see touched on much. There’s been a lot of focus on Zuko and Azula’s relationship with their parents and the abuse, as well as exploration of Sokka and Katara’s trauma with losing their mother, and Sokka looking up to his warrior father while Katara struggles with her abandonment issues.
Please don’t take this as a critique, because there are a few valid reasons for this and I would like to give you some insight on how to explore Toph’s relationship with her parents.
For starters, the show had a lot more reason to focus on Zuko and Azula’s parents, with Fire Lord Ozai being the primary villain and Zuko’s greatest abuser, and Azula’s dependent worship of her father in response to Ursa’s neglect and favoritism of Zuko, which was likely Ursa’s response to Ozai’s favoritism of Azula. Their parents are huge driving motivators for why Zuko and Azula make the decisions and mistakes they do, why they are at one point in the show the villains themselves. (And why I think Azula should get a redemption arc and some healing.)
Katara’s trauma of losing her mother and blaming herself is a huge factor in both her response to the war, her relationship with her bending, and her motherly nature with her friends. The show has to explore that. Just as it has to explore Sokka’s problems with toxic masculinity in response to being the man of his village, and his desire to be a great warrior and leader like the father he idolizes. 
The show needs to explore that to make the plot move forward, and it benefits from these being two sibling sets with different responses to their upbringing and different sibling dynamics, setting them up as foils for each other.
The show also wouldn’t benefit by giving Lao and Poppy Beifong more screen time. Their established character were two nobles who kept as far out of the war as possible and prospered monetarily for it. Poppy was polite and demure and Lao liked to lead the conversation. Unless the gAang decided to return to Toph’s home, those characters had no reason to pop up anywhere in the show. And if they did, they would be a hinder to Toph and her part in the plot as both Aang’s earth bending teacher and as the greatest earth bender in the world, tossing Fire Nation soldiers eight ways to Sunday. 
So truly, I understand that there’s not a whole lot of canon material (comparatively) to go off of when developing this, but I will offer some insight on what is there in canon.
Toph’s relationship with her parents is explored in that it maps out why Toph doesn’t want to be mothered by Katara, why she wants to prove how independent she is, but there’s very little on screen interaction between Toph and her parents.
Toph deeply loves her parents. I think that plays into why she doesn’t want Katara mothering her, because she has a wonderful mother at home who she loves and wants to better understand her, but she had no friends growing up and no older sister, which are the roles she needs and wants Katara to fill. If Toph wanted a mother figure, she would have latched onto Katara. Look at how Zuko never sought out another mother figure but did find a father figure in Iroh as he began to heal from his childhood trauma and separate his self image from his father’s acceptance.
Toph is in a complicated situation, she loves her parents but the way they’re raising her is hurting her in the long run. But Toph can see that their actions are because of their immense love for her. She can see how they would do anything for her. While she never had any examples of how other noble children were treated by their parents, who might have been distant or disinterested or always away for their social and work lives, she was remarkably loved by her parents. Her father put careful thought into her tutors and checked in on her progress. Her mother feared for Toph’s emotional state when she was kidnapped (even if she was incorrect about how Toph would respond), showing genuine empathy for her daughter.
I think their over protective nature became the love language Toph best understood them by, and part of her reasoning for not revealing how capable she was, was because she wanted to keep experiencing that love and care for as long as she could. But it’s not a love language she would put up with from anyone else.
I would like to point out Toph’s genuine excitement to see her mom again in the season finale of Book Two, how badly Toph wants her mom to understand and accept her for who she is.
My thoughts on what Toph can’t do: read, swim, see in the sand, fight things mid-air.
For how incredibly powerful the show makes Toph with her earth bending and the O&M she taught herself through it, they do touch on some of her weaknesses when they come up and find a useful way to showcase them.
The Serpent’s Pass was an excellent example of Toph’s vulnerability in water. From her fear of not being able to see on Katara’s ice bridge to not being able to swim and needing Suki to save her, Toph’s weaknesses putting her in danger added to the excitement and “sitting on the edge of your seat” feeling while watching the episode without turning her into someone who was helpless. She was just in a position where her normal defenses were useless.
Just like the earth benders in the metal prison in the ocean, or Katara having little water in the middle of a desert where her friends needed that water to survive more than she needed it to fight, making her vulnerable later in the show when the insect-wasp things attacked. Just like fire benders being weaker at night, or powerless during a solar eclipse, or a sighted person being lost in the dark. Those were just situations in which the tools you were accustomed to relying on could no longer help you or were taken away.
The show was clever in that it didn’t make her inability to read a direct threat to her safety, but rather as a clever plot device for her to be alone when the sand banders attacked and have to choose between fighting them to save Appa, or holding back an entire fricking building by the tiniest spire on its very top from falling into a void leading to the spirit world. It also showed her weakness to not being able to see or fight as well in sand. Which the show later made an effort to show how she’d improved on that problem in Book Three when she was surrounded by nothing but sand at Ember Island.
Like improving her ability to see in the sand, I would like to see a character teach Toph to swim, or at least float, so that she never feels helpless again. If she took the initiative to improve her sand bending so much, I’m sure she would have learn to swim eventually.
And on the note of reading, I’ve seen some speculation on how Toph could learn to read, whether it’s through using ink that has some percentage of earth mixed in, or developing the sensitivity to feel out the different weight, consistency, and texture of ink on paper. 
I would like to bring your attention to Louis Braille, the blind Frenchman who invented Braille while studying at  the Institut National des Jeunes Aveugles, the world’s very first school for the blind in Paris France (established 1785). Previously Louis was learning to read through a method in which each letter was pressed into the paper to leave an imprint that someone could feel out with just their fingers.
Louis Braille concluded that raised lettering was impractical because-
1.       It is difficult to read, the letters had to be printed in huge font to be fully felt out and printed on thick paper.
2.       Thick paper means higher quality, more expensive. Larger font means more paper is needed for a single text.
3.       This made it inaccessible due to expense and the sheer volume of a text.
4.       If today’s Braille books are hard to access and giant compared to traditional books, I can’t imagine how inaccessible those raised letter books really were.
The subject of Braille, the start and controversial near downfall to  Institut National des Jeunes Aveugles were discussed in a post about writing a blind character during the Victorian Era.
I’ve heard others complain in the past about fantasy universes in which a sighted person invents a solution to allow the blind to read, when the most effective and longest lived method was invented by a blindman over two hundred years ago and is the standard taught in schools today.
And while I couldn’t easily explain it or how it works because I can neither read Braille nor speak Chinese, I can tell you that Chinese Braille exists and works only slightly differently from the Braille western languages use. So, again, modern AUs especially would benefit from enabling Toph to read Braille and use a computer and phone with screen reader.
But just as easily you could choose not to have her learn to read but rather have sighted people read things aloud to her. Whether it’s in a professional setting as an adult having an assistant who reads and writes for her, or as a cute, fluffy little moment between Toph and another character. Both are just as genuine to the blindness experience.
Blind Jokes
If you ever get around to reading my post about blind jokes, I’d like you to remember that it’s primarily written for people writing original characters and that Toph canonically makes blind jokes, so to take away from that would not be true to her character.
Does Toph’s Earth Sense Negate her Blindness?
It’s a question I’ve seen raised before and discussed by both abled, disabled, and blind people. There are multiple perspectives on it, but my own take on it is that Toph’s earth bending does not negate her blindness, but rather functions very much like the process of learning to use a cane.
She had a tool, a teacher, and she learned to use that tool. Instead of a cane, it was seismic perception and her teacher were blind badger-moles. She spent years learning to earth bend as they do and then continued to take it to new heights as she explored fighting with it on her terms against sighted fighters.
Come to think about it, I would love to see Toph teach another visually impaired or blind earth bender who to see and bend as she does.
Is Toph Good Blindness Representation?
This question was posed to me in the comments of my master post, and my answer was something like this: “Toph is good representation, but she can't be the only type of representation we get. She's the best we had 15 years ago, but there are a million ways to nuance the blindness experiences. Toph's experience being born blind, having very over protective parents, being a small girl in a patriarical and wealth influenced society, having no friends growing up. Those are all great aspects of blindness to show, but there is so much more to explore. As for her blindness and whether or not that's negated, that's also nuanced. She has limits, she's not all-powerful, but she is the best earth bender hands down. More or less, I love Toph, she's a great character, give me like a million more blind characters who are completely different from her.”
I want to see accurate and well-written blind characters become much more common in modern media, and that’s why I started this blog. So if you decide you want to write your own blind character from scratch, feel free to come back and look at some of my other stuff.
End Notes:
I want to thank the anon who sent the original question because it never occurred to me how much the atla fandom would benefit from a post like this. 
You should follow my blog. Along with advice about writing blind characters, I write general writing advice and answer questions about writing, college, plot development, character analysis, and living with blindness. I curate writing advice from fellow writeblrs, write my own image descriptions for writing memes, post about mental health and working/living with ADHD, disabilities outside of blindness, and LGBTQA+ topics. 
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goatchulu · 3 years
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jealous! lucifer x gender neutral! reader
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Genre: fluff, ig? slight smut in the end.
Fandom: obey me!
Prompt: you find yourself in a fake relationship, and now you're introducing your "boyfriend" to the demom brothers. they don't take it so well, especially lucifer.
Warnings: mentions of drinking, mentions of harassment and stalking, they make out in the end, reader's gender is unmentioned for your imagination (and inclusion).
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lucifer takes another swig of his whisky, a slight burning sensation lingering on his throat. no matter the amount of alcohol he consumed that night, he couldn't escape the bitter feeling that was left inside his chest.
the two of you have been hitting it off pretty well for the past few weeks, if he could say so himself. the harmless complimenting and the subtle glancing had turned into ardent flirting and shows of affection overtime. you two were finally going somewhere with your mutual pinning, or so he thought.
lucifer didn't think his small (not so small) crush on you would lead anywhere, really. nor did he think you would reciprocate his infatuation. but with all the friendly interactions you had of late, anyone would assume you two were together in a romantic light.
now look, lucifer prides himself as a person. he was assertive, efficient, productive, level-headed and the voice of reason when stress is most prominent. but as a lover? lucifer wasn't so sure. he assumed you'd like someone more jolly and eccentric like mammon or someone more confident and charismatic like asmodeus. he didn't expect for you to even spare him a second glance when it came to the dating game. lucifer was a busy man after all, and he wasn't the most expressive when it came to emotions; not very ideal for a lover.
but what lucifer also did not expect was for you to bring home a common demon boy and introduce him as your significant other.
let's just say that all the built up tension and courting were all ruined by a single dinner party.
you had gathered all the demon brothers earlier that morning, claiming you had an important announcement to make. you went as far as inviting diavolo and his loyal butler, barbatos, to spend the evening over for dinner. they thanked you for the invitation, but they unfortunately, could not attend because of their hectic schedules.
lucifer, on the other hand, was more than happy to accept your invitation (though he was quick to cover up the smile he held when you came up to him). seeing as he already lives under the same roof as you, anways. his happiness would soon be diminished and grinded into dirty, pathetic, dust, though.
lucifer's eyes narrow as mammon's loud laughter bounces off the walls of the dining room. lucienne, your "boyfriend", had managed to crack the demon up with one of his silly stories about a strange elderly wizard that sold expensive medication made out of fairy wings that turned out to just be bedazzled dragon fly wings. he worked wonders with the avatar of greed, considering the fact that just a moment ago, mammon was cursing in jealousy and resentment as you sat with your newly introduced boyfriend.
luficer would've told mammon to shut up, but he feared saying something far more vulgar out of anger. the previous tension was already eased into a more domesticated athmosphere (credits to lucienne's charm and humor), lucifer didn't want to ruin dinner for his brothers, and especially not for you.
i mean, lucifer felt betrayed, he felt used and-- and played. how could you lead him on like this? but deep inside, he knew there was something else. he felt disappointed, he felt defeated, he felt crushed, he wished he'd done something sooner before this lucienne stole you away from him.
but anyways, back to the dinner party.
"you seem unusually quiet, lucy." asmo teases from across lucifer's seat. the phrase seems to capture everyone's attention, all eyes now on the grimacing and glaring lucifer.
"asmo's right, you haven't uttered a word since lucienne arrived, lucifer. is something wrong?" you chime in, causing lucifer to perk up. the thought of you worrying about his state sent sparks into his heart, but they were quick to disappear when lucienne asks him the same question.
"i'm fine." he replies to your concern, unable to hide the venom that strung on to his words. this only causes asmodeus to snicker, and leviathan to sink deeper into his seat. everyone else watches in concern as lucifer downs another glass of demom whiskey. you're about to ask him again, unsure about his reply, but he stops you before you could even form a word.
"i said i'm fine."
the air is tense, until eventually, mammon gasps out of nowhere. "don't tell me! lucifer is jealous!!~" he repeats in a sing song manner, only irking lucifer even further. no one else speaks up, the whole situation akward enough.
after a while, though, lucienne speaks up. he gestures at mammon, especially. hoping to stop the demon from escalating the situation. "hey mammon, wanna hear about that one time i accidentally professed my love for my eight grade math teacher?" mammon only settles back into his seat, ready for another laughing fit. the avatar of pride snaps at this, slamming his fists down the table before abruptly excusing himself with a "i have something to do."
he spares you one last glance. his heart aching with guilt from the way you had lowered your head in shame. lucifer didn't want to make you feel like he owned you, or that you weren't allowed to be with someone else... he just, he has enough reason to justify his anger right now and he really wants to dwell in it. he turns his head away from you, biting his lip to contain the guilt and pain that was threatening to seep out. he doesn't turn to look back as he walks away from the dining room in long and rushed strides.
lucifer walks down the dark hallways of lamentation, familiar with every nook and cranny the mansion had. he sighs in relief as his palm reaches out for a familiar door. it creaks as lucifer walks into his room, sounding just as glum as lucifer is.
he heads straight to his paperwork, silently hoping that they would provide him some sort of comfort. he tries to focus on anything but the thought of you or your unavailability, his mind barely processing any of the words that were printed out in front of him. he groans, his hands pulling on his jet black hair in frustration.
i mean, he should've expected this. lucienne was everything lucifer thought you would love. funny outgoing, caring, expressive, charismatic, a smooth talker and he looked at you with utmost respect and admiration. i mean, who in their right mind would choose old-schooled lucifer over the flawless lucienne?
you deserve lucienne and although lucifer thinks that no one in the three realms could ever deserve to call you theirs, he still thinks that lucienne is more deserving of you than lucifer could ever be. what were you doing to the poor demon? he was never one to admit defeat like this, and he especially wasn't the type of person that'd lower themself like this.
his rollercoaster of thoughts are interrupted by a gentle knock on the door. his ears already familiar with this particular knocking pattern. he can't help but straighten himself up, suddenly aware of the way his hair is all sprawled out. he slicks it down with saliva, muttering a small "enter" soon after he finshes checking on his appearance.
his mood lightens just a little bit at the sight of your face. as much as lucifer wants to hate you right now, he couldn't possibly feel that way towards you. never, not in a quadrillion light years.
you sit down in front of him, a genuine look of concern on your face. this makes lucifer visibly frown, catching you a bit off guard. "i wanted to talk to you about something, lucifer." his eyes grow curious and a bit hopeful, wishing it were about something that would distract him from the current situation or give him even the tiniest bit of closure.
"it's about lucienne." and once again, you manage to crush all his hope with only a few words. lucifer swears that if he hears that name one more time, he would personally shove your lovely boyfriend down the deepest depths of the underworld.
you watch his brows furrow and his fist tighten on his quill. lucifer looks far from happy to hear you talk about your significant other right now. "look, i know you'd rather not hear about lucienne again, but it's really really important and i want you to just hear me out. just this once, please?"
lucifer couldn't stand the pleading look you were giving him. your puppy eyes were a weapon that you used on him often, and they always managed to work. a tired sigh leaves his lips, if it meant getting it over with then he'd listen. "fine," he snaps, not before rubbing at his temple in obvious distress. he's said fine, but his body language told you otherwise.
"someone's kind of harassing lucienne at the moment. stalking him, giving him unwanted gifts and constantly professing their love for him when he's told them multiple times that it made him uncomfortable. they're an admirer of some sorts. i'm posing as lucienne's lover in hopes that they'd back off for a while, but i wanted to see if you and diavolo could do some actual help. it's worrisome, really. and it's been stressing lucienne out for the past couple of weeks. pretending to be his significant other is the most i can do for him, i hope you understand."
lucifer only freezes in shock, guilt washing over him all so suddenly. you call out for him, effectively snapping him out of his short daze. of course you'd offer to help lucienne out, you've always been a kind person. in lucifer's eyes, atleast. he coughs into his hand, avoiding eye contact with you as he degrades himself for his previous selfishness.
"of course, i'll do my best to make sure this harasser is punished. the school and i will ensure that lucienne won't be seeing this stalker anytime soon. just keep supporting him like this, i suppose. tell him he can sleep here for the night. thank you for informing me about this." you smile at lucifer's response, relief overwhelming your senses. if this meant that lucienne was finally going to be safe and unbothered, you were overjoyed.
you jump at lucifer, thanking him, all the while, squeezing the life out of him. his heart races impossibly fast at the gesture, and you can't help but smirk at the red that tainted his cheeks. "just so you know, i still like you. and only you, lucy."
his breath comes to a halt. he was no longer able to contain the butterflies that crowded his stomach; shock and well, pure bliss apparent on his face. "does this mean i can kiss you?"
"do anything as you please."
lucifer lunges at you. capturing your lips into a hungry and impatient kiss. his hands roam all over your torso, looking for anything he could hold onto. he settles for your waist and you drape your hands over his shoulders. heaven knows how long he's been waiting for this moment.
he manages to stumble through his room, leading you two to his bed. you part as he pushes you down to sit at the end of his king sized bed. he grins at the sight of you, disheveled and thirsty for more. the avatar of pride couldn't help but be excited for the faces you'll make in the unholy endeavors he's planning for you. he'll devour you, tear apart every innocent limb you have in your body. his imagination runs wild as he thinks of the many ways he'd mark you as his, exhibit you to the world and spread you wide open for his contenders to see. for them to know just how pathetic and needy lucifer could make you in an instant.
he bends down to kiss you again, pushing against your tounge with his own. he squeezes your thighs, digging his nails deep into the skin under the cloth still covering you. groans and grunts leave your lips as he countinues to caress your plush thighs.
as you two part, panting, a newfound possessiveness overtakes lucifer's eyes.
"you're mine."
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angelasscribbles · 2 years
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The Hotel Mix Up Part 2
Ok guys, you asked for it and here it is! Also, it's really long. Over 4,600 words.
I think this can count as my Kinktober submission because hello, threesome! (Prompt for day 21, but I'm a little early, forgive me).
Fandom: The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir
Characters: Drake Walker, Liam Rys, Riley Campbell
A/N: Greek Words used in this fic
Rating: Absolutely, positively, NSFW, M, XXX, 🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋
Part One is here
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Drake grabbed his toiletry bag and excused himself to take a shower. As soon as the bathroom door closed behind him, Liam turned to Riley with a slight frown.
“Drake seems grumpier than usual, love. Do you know what that’s about?” He asked as he stepped closer, absentmindedly rubbing her shoulders.
She leaned back into his touch as she considered how best to answer the question. Drake and Liam had each agreed to accept her relationship with the other, there had been some stumbling blocks in the beginning, but they had finally settled into something like a pattern, and she didn’t want to do anything to upset it. Although, it was already upset, she realized, because one member of their triad was obviously struggling again. It had been Liam at first, now it seemed Drake was the one feeling insecure about his place in her life. She sighed to herself. Navigating polyamory could be tricky. She wanted to help Drake, but she didn’t want to send Liam back into a place of jealousy and insecurity either.
Her brows knit together in concentration before remembering their conversation about brutal honesty. She finally settled on, “Oh yeah. He’s………frustrated.” It seemed inadequate.
“Frustrated?” Liam’s brow creased as he tried to figure out what she meant. His fingers continued to knead her back and shoulders as he thought. Touching her calmed him, he had discovered. When he was struggling with a particularly hard ethical or diplomatic quandary, he found that having her physically nearby helped, even seemingly small gestures like the touch of her hand served to focus him.
Riley shook her head. For someone that was a brilliant statesman, always able to diffuse difficult situations and negotiate international treaties, he could be dense when it came to certain things. Like matters of the heart. She supposed it was from his sheltered upbringing. He didn’t exactly have a normal dating life. She turned and took his hands in hers, “Liam, we just spent two hours in the backseat of a car where you were touching me with impunity, and he felt he had to keep his hands to himself.”
“Ah.” Understanding dawned on him.
Liam considered what he had just been told. He had noticed that Drake was restrained when he was around, that he would release her hand or remove his arm from around her shoulder when he saw Liam approaching. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Drake felt awkward showing physical affection to Riley in front of him. Likely from all the months he had spent repressing his feelings for her and out of respect for him. Particularly since Liam had struggled with it in the beginning.
Liam had no such qualms. Of course, he had the advantage of being her husband and he never had to consider the setting they were in before deciding if he could touch her. He tried to imagine, for a moment, what it would feel like to watch her all night dancing with someone else, touching someone else, being kissed by someone else and not be able to even hold her hand. He didn’t think he would be able to bear it, he was sure he would slip and touch her when he wasn’t supposed to, despite the years of diplomatic training he’d had. It gave him a new respect, and sympathy, for Drake’s situation and his handling of it. No wonder he was so irritable.
Liam knew that Drake’s hesitancy was at least in part his fault. Though Liam had been the one to suggest their current arrangement, he had struggled with putting it into practice. They had fallen into a don’t ask/don’t tell scenario at first, which had led to a lot of conjecture and assumptions that fed jealousy and insecurity. That had been worked though, but perhaps it was still informing Drake’s feelings. He considered how he could convince Drake that he didn’t have to walk on eggshells around him anymore. An idea suddenly formed in his head and a wicked grin spread across his face.
Liam lifted Riley���s hand to his mouth and dropped gentle kisses into her palm and along her wrist, then turned it over and dropped some more on the back of her hand. She shivered at his touch. “Love, do you trust me?”
“Implicitly. Completely.”
“I think I can rectify this situation. Tonight.”
Riley cocked an eyebrow at him, “Really? How are you going to do that?” Liam could be very persuasive, but Drake could be very stubborn.
Liam gave her his most rakish smile, the one that always signaled he was up to the most delicious kind of no good. Her eyes widened and she shivered in anticipation. Whatever he was up to, she was all in.
Drake stepped back into the room and froze as they both turned toward him with mischievous smiles. “Uh….Li? Riley? What’s happening?”
Liam folded his arms behind his back and rocked back on his heels, “It has come to my attention that you are under the mistaken impression that you need to restrain yourself from showing physical affection to our queen while I am present. We are going to remedy that. Tonight. Now.”
Drake stayed frozen in place, only his eyes moved as they flicked from Liam’s determined and slightly amused expression to Riley’s face. The anticipation and desire he saw there sent exhilaration and a dose of fear sparking through him. “What?”
“Since apparently the two of you can’t figure this out without my help, I’m going to be giving the orders tonight. Is that ok with everyone?” He looked back and forth between them.
Riley felt a swoop in her stomach. She understood exactly what he was proposing. Liam looked so serious, the expression on his face positively smoldering. Generally, she loved it when he was on the submissive side sexually, but this take-charge attitude was doing something to her. Her heart rate was already elevated. She smiled and nodded with enthusiasm. She turned her head to Drake, drawing in a breath and holding it as she waited for his response. His acceptance, or refusal, would decide if this whole thing was going to happen or not.
As her eyes moved to Drake, thick, red-hot tendrils of flame blossomed in her chest and snaked their way outward. Her body visibly responded to the sight of him, and she steadied herself with effort.
Drake stood in the center of the room; hair still damp from the shower. He had changed into a black t shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants, the shirt clung tightly to his chest. His expression flitted between shock and arousal. He was staring at Liam, but his eyes slowly drifted over to find hers. The look he gave her was so full of yearning and fire that she felt her knees go weak and he hadn’t even touched her. He also hadn’t said yes yet.
She stared back at him with own hunger burning in her eyes. He recognized that look and he swallowed, hard, still unmoved from the spot he was standing in. His gaze slid from Riley back to Liam and after a long moment he slowly nodded, “Ok.”
“Good.” Liam breathed out a sigh of relief and anticipation, “First, stop standing there looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Please, join us.” He motioned for Drake to come closer.
Drake’s eyes moved back to Riley, as he made his way over to them, crossing the room slowly, never taking his eyes off her. When he was close enough to touch her, he stopped, hands at his side, his gaze searing into her. His heart was thundering in his chest, heat flooded through his body, his breath hitched as she tilted her head back to stare up at him with stark lust in her eyes. He almost didn’t hear Liam speak through the roar in his ears.
“Touch her Drake.”
As if in a trance, Drake reached out one hand to cup her cheek softly, his thumb brushing over her lips. Her eyes fluttered shut at his touch and he heard her sharp intake of breath. He groaned as he felt his erection spring to life. Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered the fact that Liam was watching all of it and somehow, to his surprise, that heightened the sensation.
“You can do better than that.” Liam’s voice had gone low and husky. He was dealing with some arousal of his own. Everyone knew he was a bit of an exhibitionist. There weren’t many places in the palace they hadn’t had sex. He enjoyed the sensation that they could be caught at any moment. Riley turned him on all by herself, but occasionally, when they were dancing at an event, the feeling of Drake’s eyes on them ramped it up for him. He liked being watched, but he hadn’t expected seeing them together to affect him like it was. Giving Drake orders and watching how the execution of those orders affected Riley was an incredible rush. He hadn’t anticipated how much he was going to enjoy it.
Drake’s arm snaked around her waist and jerked her to him more roughly than he had intended but by the low whimper she let out, she didn’t mind. One arm held her firmly, hand splayed open across the small of her back while the other cradled the back of her head and pulled her to him. He dropped his head low so that his lips brushed her ear as he whispered, “I’m going to kiss you now.”
Riley felt her legs turn to jelly, but she leaned against him and let his body hold her up as his lips traced a path from her ear to her lips, trailing feathery kisses as he went, leaving a line of fire in his wake. His mouth was warm and soft as his tongue found hers. One of her hands wound its way through his silky chestnut hair as the other caressed his face, tingling where his stubble scraped the delicate skin of her palm.
Liam moved so that he was directly behind her. He placed one hand on her shoulder as the other moved her hair out his way, leaving the curve of her neck bare so that he could drop fiery kisses behind her ear, down her neck and onto her shoulders.
Riley moaned into Drake’s mouth as she lost herself in the sensation of their hands and mouths on her. The pleasure surged through her body, every nerve ending on fire.
Liam released her shoulder and dropped his hand down to glide softly up her leg and under her skirt. His mouth moved to the shell of her ear as his fingers drew circles on the inside of her thigh, then stroked her through her panties. He felt her shudder under his touch as he pushed her panties aside, gliding his fingers through her folds before gently inserting first one, then a second finger into her. He sucked in a breath as he felt the slick wetness that proved how aroused she was. His other hand moved around to the front and began swirling over her swollen nub in a now familiar rhythm. His eyes locked on her face, watching her kiss Drake, as he heard her breathing turn ragged.
All hesitancy seemed to have evaporated from him as Drakes’ hands skimmed along the top of her skirt then drifted up the smooth skin under her shirt, making their way up to gently graze her breasts, teasing her with light, feathery strokes. She groaned and thrust forward into both their hands. Drake delicately rubbed his thumbs in circles around her nipples as Liam’s fingers picked up speed.
Stars swam in front of her as everything but the fiery touches she felt from seemingly everywhere faded from existence. Her back arched pressing her upper body back into Liam’s chest as her hips thrust forward to increase the friction. She felt Drakes arms around her as he unclasped her bra and slid his hands under it, lifting it up and out of the way. She gasped as his mouth set to work on her chest, the softness of his tongue gliding over the hardness of her nipples. Liam’s fingers danced and twirled at her core. At some point one of her hands had moved to tangle in Drake’s hair and the other one had found its way back to sink into Liam’s so that she was holding onto both of them when she cried out as the tidal wave of pleasure broke over her.
“Oh my god! Fucking yes!” She was still breathing hard as Drake gathered the hem of her shirt in his hands and tugged it upward. Riley moved her arms up so he could pull it free.
“You’re wearing far too many clothes for what I have in mind, love.” Liam whispered as he moved away. His hands skated up to the top of her skirt and in one fluid motion, pulled both her skirt and panties down, she stepped out of them as they pooled around her ankles and kicked them to the side.
“This seems unfair.” She murmured, turning to face Liam. She peered up at him, her center still throbbing from his touch. The passion that he ignited in her still took her by surprise, the intensity of it, the intimacy of it. He could melt her heart or turn her insides to liquid fire with just a look. Like the one he was giving her now. She had barely come down from the first orgasm, but she could feel things low in her body tighten again as she stared into impossibly dark eyes, smoldering back at her from under a shock of jet-black hair.
Drake was now the one behind her, dropping kisses along her neck and across her shoulders as she unbuttoned Liam’s shirt, shoved it off him then lowered her hand to touch him through his slacks. He jerked forward involuntarily and let out moan. He quickly shed the rest of his clothes then spun her back around to face Drake.
Riley regarded the man in front her while she leaned back to feel the one behind her. Drake was illuminated by nothing but the moonlight streaming through the window, his expression holding scorching lust and incredible tenderness at the same time. His chestnut hair had fallen across his brow, and though it wasn’t a word generally used for men, she thought he was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. He stepped forward and bent his head to kiss her again, the feel of his mouth moving on hers sent electricity sparking through her. He pulled away, leaving her gasping for more as his lips moved downward.
“Drake-“ Riley breathed.
“Hmmm?” He murmured as his tongue flicked and teased at a nipple.
“I think our queen wants you naked.” Liam growled as his hands and lips skimmed across her back.
Drake let go of Riley obediently and stepped back, locking eyes with her as he slowly gathered the hem of his shirt, bunching it into his fists. He moved purposefully with torturously slow motions as his eyes bored into hers. Riley trembled as she watched his shirt move upward inch by inch. His face disappeared for moment then reappeared as the shirt was tossed to the side. A seductive smirk tugged at his lips as his hands glided over the muscles of his chest, teasing her before running down to the top of his sweatpants. Her breath hitched as he hooked his fingers in the waistband and slid them down.
Drake kicked his pants to one side and paused to run his eyes along her body. Her arms were stretched above her head, reaching back so that her hands were buried in Liam’s hair, her head tilted to one side so that Liam had complete access as he scraped his teeth down the curve of her neck. Liam had one hand caressing each breast. She was leaning back against him, her naked body on full display. God she’s beautiful! Drake stifled a groan as he felt his dick twitch, the precum already leaking from the tip. She looked like a fucking goddess and they were both helpless under her spell. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he closed the distance between them and stared into her eyes with a heat that threatened to boil him alive from the inside. The air between them was supercharged, crackling as if one spark would ignite the night. His pupils were dilated, his breathing, jagged and uneven, his voice was thick with desire when he spoke, “Tell me what you want καρδιά μου.”
Holy fucking god! Riley almost came again right then. Drake was usually the more dominant one in their love making but tonight seemed to be all about role reversal and she had zero complaints.
“You.” She breathed softly, “On your knees.”
“ναι, θεά μου.” He whispered as he sank to his knees to kneel in front of her. He gazed up at her for moment, as his fingers brushed up her leg, leaving goosebumps in their wake, then he slowly lowered his head to suck on the delicate flesh just above her knee. He felt her body jerk under his touch. His mouth moved upward, stopping every few inches to lick and nip at her. He knew that tomorrow her inner thigh would be dotted with bruises, the thought of marking her as his in such an intimate spot caused a spiral of heat to surge through him. Her hands dropped to his head as his tongue found her and began to lap at her center with long, slow strokes. Any lingering bit of self-consciousness was gone as he buried his face between her legs, heedless of Liam’s presence.
She stumbled back into Liam who tightened his arms around her, steadying her, his erection pressed stiffly against her backside. The friction of him pressed against her warm skin sent shockwaves of pleasure pulsing through him and he let out a guttural sound. She twisted and squirmed against him as her body responded to Drake’s attention. The combination of her moans and the feel of her body moving against him was almost more than he could take. He wasn’t ready to let go just yet.
“Here we go love, let’s sit.” He eased her back gently as he lowered himself into a chair, holding her in front of him. Drake scooted forward never pausing in his ministrations. His tongue glided through her folds and thrust inside her before settling right where she needed him most. Liam held her steady as she twisted and squirmed, bucking her hips up into Drake’s mouth. His tongue flicked and circled teasingly, before pulling her clit into his mouth as he sucked and licked. She nearly twisted right out of Liam’s grasp. His grip on her tightened as he whispered words of encouragement into her ear.
She felt the pressure building in her center as Drake picked up the pace, pushing his face even further into her as his tongue moved with more urgency. She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt herself fall apart, her release flooding her senses with wave after wave of pleasure. He continued to lick her through her orgasm, if Liam hadn’t had ahold of her, she would have slid right out of the chair and onto the floor.
When Drake pulled back, his eyes traveled up to land on Riley’s face for a moment, then just behind her to Liam’s. Liam was staring down into Riley’s face, his breathing hard, his pupils lust blown, his teeth biting into his bottom lip. Then his gaze lifted from Riley’s face to lock eyes with Drake. For one moment, they stared at each other, an electric charge filling the space between them. Then the moment was gone.
Riley slid out of the chair and turned herself around so that she was now kneeling in front of Liam. She smirked up at him as she started at the base and slid her tongue up his shaft to teasingly lick around the tip.
Liam’s hips shot up and he let out a strangled yelp, “Fuck, Riley stop or I won’t last!”
She pulled back giving him a seductive smile. Then she flipped her head around to shoot a sultry smile at Drake. “Then maybe it’s time to come to the bed.” She stood up and swayed her hips provocatively as she headed toward the double king bed that graced the center of the room, glancing behind her as she went, “What are you waiting for boys?”
She crawled provocatively onto the bed then turned around to find Drake and Liam both standing at the edge of the bed eyeing her hungrily.
“What? I mean how-“Drake stumbled over his words.
“Drake, you climb up here with me.” She patted a spot on the bed next to her, “Liam you stay right there.” She felt a surge of satisfaction as both men obeyed without question.
As Drake got himself onto the bed, Riley turned, getting onto all fours and backed up to the edge of the bed. Liam didn’t need to be told what to do next. He grasped her hips and pulled her into position. He took his cock in his hand and stroked it a few times, then rubbed the tip around her opening before sinking inside her. He moved slowly at first, giving her a moment to adjust to his girth. She was so warm and tight and wet. He buried himself in her and moaned out loud as she pushed back against him. “Oh god Riley, fuck!”
“I’m going to need you on your knees again Cowboy,” She purred as her eyes met Drakes. She ran her tongue over her lips, and he shuddered in response. He moved into position in front of her and briefly closed his eyes, inhaling sharply, as her mouth found him. She began slowly, running her tongue around the tip and sucking lightly. Drake strained forward silently begging for more as his hands tugged at her hair. He was vaguely aware of Liam moving behind her, but he was laser focused on her, watching her lips wrap around him as she finally took him fully in her mouth, moving downward until she had as much of him as she could take in. His hips jerked upwards, and he moaned out loud.
Liam’s fingers found her again and she moaned with her mouth full of Drake. She felt Drake shudder at the sensation, felt his hands in her hair, pulling gently, urging her on. She increased the suction and was rewarded with a strangled gasp. As if in response to Drake’s gasp, Liam let out one of his own as he increased his pace. The feel of Liam slamming into her while she drew Drake in and out of her mouth at the same time was overwhelming. Between that and Liam’s fingers, she felt herself falling over the edge again.
She let out a muffled scream as the orgasm pulsed through her entire body. She paused for a moment, letting go of Drake as the shockwaves washed over her. Drake held her head in his hands, gently stroking her hair, patiently waiting for her to be ready again. The moment she was, he thrust himself into her mouth with an urgency that threatened to overwhelm him.
She redoubled her efforts, sliding him in and out of her mouth faster and sucking harder as she simultaneously thrust herself back against Liam. Just when she thought the pleasure was too intense and she couldn’t take it anymore, several things happened at once. Liam hit just the right angle so that he was stroking her G-spot with every thrust. The low rumbling moan that began building in her throat sent the most tantalizing vibrations pulsing through Drakes cock, that coupled with the level of suction she had reached was enough to send him hurtling over the edge, he pulled her hair and pushed himself into her mouth as his own orgasm slammed into him and he erupted into her mouth, hot rivulets of cum cascading from between her lips, it was too much, too fast for her to swallow it all.
She was vaguely aware of Drake’s voice, hoarse and low, as he let out an incomprehensible series of sounds, the hot liquid salty on her tongue. She would have cried out “Oh my god!” but her mouth was too full as Liam hit the exact right spot the exact right way and she drew away from Drake so she could scream first Liam’s name then Drakes as shudders of pleasure tore through her body.
Liam heard Drakes cries and lifted his eyes briefly from watching himself slide in and out of Riley, her tight, perfect ass in the air just for him. Drake’s face held a look of absolute rapture as he dropped to the bed, spent. Then his eyes flicked back to Riley as he felt her tighten around him, crying out his name, and his last shred of control was gone. He thrust once more and felt himself explode inside her as they both fell forward, her now lying flat on the bed, him on top of her, reluctant to pull out.
They all laid there for a moment, regaining control of their breathing then Liam rolled off of Riley and sat up, surveying the damage.
Drake was on his back, looking up at the ceiling, chest still heaving. Riley turned her head at his movement and looked up into his eyes, catching his gaze and holding it as smiles spread across both their faces.
Liam reached out and caressed her face, his smile never wavering, “Is my queen pleased?”
Drake sat up at the sound of Liam’s voice. “Our queen. Is our queen pleased?”
Liam bit back a laugh. Looks like he had accomplished his goal of shaking Drake out of his awkwardness. “Yes, of course. Is our queen pleased?”
Riley rolled over and sat up, Liam grasped her right hand in his and brought it up to his mouth to pepper it with kisses. Drake took her left hand in his and rubbed circles on her palm with his thumb as he gazed down into her face, waiting for her response.
“Yes, yes, she is, your queen is very pleased!” She leaned to the left to capture Drake’s mouth in a kiss while pulling Liam into her right side, where he grazed his lips along her neck, then she turned to kiss Liam while squeezing Drake’s hand.
“That was…that was….”
“Amazing?” Liam supplied.
“Mind blowing?” Drake offered.
“All of the above and then some!” She agreed.
“It was, and I know we should probably talk about it but, Max will be waking us up bright and early, so might I suggest we get some sleep and revisit this at a later time?” Liam suggested.
Drake groaned, “Do we have to talk about everything?”
Riley giggled, “Yes, brutal honest and constant communication is what makes this work.” She gestured between the three of them.
“Fine, we’ll talk, it’s not like I can say no to you about anything anyway, but if I have to talk about feelings, I get to pick where we eat dinner tomorrow.”
“Fine.” Riley nodded.
“Agreed.” Liam pushed off the bed to retrieve his discarded clothing.
After everyone cleaned up, they climbed back into bed together, Riley in the middle, an arm and leg slung over Drake as he lay on his back, Liam wrapped around her from behind. The warmth that filled her up as she snuggled between her men was something new, the sense of rightness and belonging that stole over her brought tears to her eyes. One trickled down her cheek as she let the happiness fill her up.
“I love you both so much.” She murmured as she drifted off to sleep, content in the knowledge that for the first time in her life, she was exactly where she belonged.
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guardianofrivendell · 3 years
Note
Uh, so I'mma request something because I really like your writing and want more of your wonderful Aragorn fics in my life. So, I was thinking some headcannons about what it would be like to date/be in a relationship with Aragorn before, during and/or after the fellowship? Thanks man, and take as long as you need!💕
A/N: I am STRUGGLING with sleepover requests, my own series (PS and DAKT) and some new stuff so I turned to my stack of ‘normal’ requests to try and write something different. Et voilà!
@katethewriter I took a lot longer than I should have with these and I’m so sorry! I’m leaning more towards the Hobbit era lately (I’m really turning into a Dwarf simp here), and I’m neglecting the fellowship members. Unforgivable!��
I interpreted this as how your relationship would develop while on the quest to destroy the ring and you’re not actually together at the start of it. Also maybe slightly OOC Aragorn. 
A/N 2: It has some nsfw hints (not much), I couldn’t help myself and it’s very unlike Aragorn I think but I’m not sorry. Also this turned out really long, I am sorry for that. 
A/N 3: Just like my other headcanons, this doesn’t make much sense so best to simply ignore this. I really don’t know what this is... :) 
Being In a Relationship With Aragorn On The Quest Would Go Like This:
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Aragorn had met you in some seedy pub 
Not his first choice to take shelter from the weather but after days and days of endless rain and trudging through mud it was almost nice to be there
at least he was able to dry his clothes and have a warm meal 
he was surprised to see someone like you there 
surprised but concerned too 
for your wellbeing that is 
every single person in that bar had his eyes on you the minute you moved
Aragorn had too but for entirely different reasons
at least that’s what he told himself
so the minute one of those drunk lads laid a hand on you he was on his feet
knight in shining armor ranger clothes
before he got to you, you had floored and knocked out your assailant, threatening the others they would suffer the same fate if they tried something similar
Aragorn stood frozen in place, completely mesmerized by you
and maybe a tad bit aroused too
the life of a ranger is very lonely after all
you winked at him and left the bar shortly after
Aragorn couldn’t get you out of his head 
but what were the odds he would ever run into you again
he even returned to that godawful place a few times
a guy can hope right
you can imagine his surprise when he saw you in Rivendell
attending the secret council
he was jaw on the floor surprised
he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you
on the outside he was the cool ranger of the north, bringer of Hobbits, inventor of the Sexy But Still Rough Around The Edges Stare™
while on the inside he was  f r e a k i n g  o u t 
because there you were, finally within reach 
but then Frodo had to sacrifice himself 
and Aragorn could not not go with him 
he absolutely lost it when you volunteered as well
there was no way you were going to put your life on the line like that
you scoffed at his remark
wait did he said that out loud?
“I can handle myself just fine.”
Oh he knew that
Flashes of the bar fight filled his mind
it filled something else too 😏
so Aragorn had set himself a second goal  
besides getting Frodo and the ring to Mordor he now vowed to keep you safe as well
and to make you his by the time you would arrive at Mordor
but we all know how smooth that will go do we 
the first few days and weeks it went reasonably well 
you have to read that as ‘he didn’t embarass himself in front of you’
because there was no progress at all on any other front
you seemed to prefer the company of the Hobbits over him or any other member of the fellowship
he tried to make conversation with you every time you walked near him 
A+ for effort
when the Crebain flew over his instinct was to make sure Frodo (and Sam because those two were attached at the hip) was out of sight
after that he searched for you, but Legolas had already pulled you under the bushes with him
surely the feeling in his stomach was the fault of the Lembas bread
because Aragorn doesn’t get jealous
but then the same thing happened in Moria
you weren’t a fan of the dark and claustrophobic mines so he let you walk up front with Gandalf and Frodo near the light of Gandalf’s staff 
with him right behind you of course 
when the Orcs and Troll attacked, he tried to stay near you 
keep an extra eye out for you, driving the Orcs away who were trying to get to you
it was you together with Legolas who defeated the troll, high fiving each other over a job well done
okay fine maybe Aragorn did get jealous this time
like he had done his best to protect you but did you notice?
then when Gandalf fell you surprisingly turned to him for comfort
leaving Legolas, Gimli and Boromir to comfort the Hobbits
take that Leaf Boi
even though it felt really good to hold you, he knew you couldn’t stay there
so he ordered everyone to get going, taking the lead
and then Lothlorien happened
a forest that was both magical and romantic
perfect setting for a love confession right
when he finally got you alone he chickened out at the last moment
because OF cOUrsE
luckily for him you did not
you almost knocked him over in your attempt to kiss him  
he eagerly reciprocated the kiss though
no complaints there
but he also explained that even though he wanted this, the quest and Frodo had to come first
which you respected and understood, but you were also willing to test his resolve 👀
you didn’t tell the others 
but they didn’t need an explanation, it’s not like you two were subtle
he held your hand whenever he could 
Gimli couldn’t help but commenting on it, Aragorn explaining it was to prevent you from falling or tripping
“Lad, you’re sitting down in a boat...”
cue roaring laughter and flushed cheeks on Aragorn
although the fellowship supported your relationship they couldn’t help but tease Aragorn relentlessly
lots of sneaky forehead kisses
during the rest of the quest Aragorn did his best to keep you out of harm’s way 
to your own frustration of course, you weren’t helpless or as fragile as he made you seem
you fought alongside Boromir when Uglúk shot him 
they took Merry and Pippin and dragged you away from Boromir’s body
the one time Aragorn wasn’t at your side and you got kidnapped
you weren’t going to hear the end of this 
needless to say Aragorn was indeed beside himself with worry 
he couldn’t get a break 
first Frodo gone, then Boromir shot and now it seemed he failed his promise to himself
enter brooding Aragorn
but he knew you were brave and could take care of yourself - you had repeated that countless times - so he was sure he was going to find you 
AND HE DID
after three days of running with a dartling Elf and a wheezing Dwarf they bumped into Éomer and his horse gang
before he could ask Éomer if he saw you or the Hobbits, one of his riders jumped off their horse and made a beeline for him 
Legolas notched an arrow and Gimli raised his axe but you simply shoved them aside and threw your arms around Aragorn
relieved kisses 
the hug lasted several minutes until Legolas cleared his throat
oh right... audience
you shared a horse with Aragorn on the way to Edoras
while with King Théoden Aragorn kept an arm around your waist or a hand on the small of your back the entire time
as if he had to make sure you were still there
Éowyn who?
The Battle of Helm’s Deep was torture for Aragorn
he wanted to stay with you but you both knew you would be too distracted by each other 
it took him a while to find you after the battle was won 
few years of his life were lost in panic
but of course you were alright, already helping with the wounded
now it was his turn to sweep you off your feet
quite literally too 
as the quest progressed, it became clear to Aragorn that he had to take up his rightful place as the King of Gondor when the time came 
so during the victory feast after Helm’s Deep he took you outside for a walk
cue comments and whistling from Gimli 
but Aragorn only wanted to talk to you 
to make sure you knew what you were getting yourself into if you stayed with him 
were you ready to be the spouse of a King?
of course he made it seem as if he was going to ditch you 
because that man is angst embodied 
everything to keep you safe right?
luckily as soon as it was clear that no, he wasn’t going to ditch you and yes, this was kind of a hastily thrown together proposal in a way, you kissed him saying that as long as you were at his side you were ready for anything
as long as you were together
Aragorn taglist: @katethewriter @lovemusic26alwaysblog @sokkasdarling @snailcoveredcottage
Permanent taglist: @roosliefje @kata1803 @entishramblings @artsywaterlily @sleepy-daydream-in-a-rose @marvelschriss @kumqu4t @myrin1234 @dark-angel-is-back @the-fandoms-georgie @lathalea @xxbyimm @sokkasdarling @katethewriter @aredhel-of-gondolin @leethology @elvish-sky @moony-artnstuff @emmapotato8 @kirenia15 @vicmackeybullshxt @moarfandomtrash
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deannaroxannewrites · 3 years
Text
Tropetember Day 7 - Mutual Pining / Requited/Unrequited Love / Angst with a happy ending
My boys
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x GN!Reader
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: Teen and up
TW: Angst (all of the angst), Angst with a happy ending, Witness Protection
AN: Day 7 of @tropetember. Another Hotch story that could be expanded into a small series. Enjoy the angst (and fluff because I CANNOT HELP MYSELF)
You've been looking to spending a quiet day with your boys, until a phone call turns your world upside down.
Find this story on Ao3 here.
Word Count: 1.6k
You were in the middle of pottering around the kitchen putting your groceries away when the phone rang.
Glancing at it, you realise it’s Aaron. Why would he be ringing you right now? Jack’s soccer game wouldn’t have been finished for very long and they usually got a treat before coming to visit you.
You answer with a smile, you were looking forward to spending the day with your boys.
“Hi sweetie, what can I do for you?” You ask.
Aaron says your name and his voice shakes. You instantly stop what you’re doing. Something is wrong. Something really bad is happening. You can tell.
“Scratch.” He takes a shuddering breath. “Scratch was at Jack’s game.”
You gasp and panic floods through you.
“Is he ok? Are you both ok? He didn’t get to either of you did he?”
"No, he didn't."
There's a pause and you feel your heart start to calm. At least they're OK, although you can't figure out what's happening. Unfortunately, your relief at them both being unharmed is immediately destroyed.
"Jack and I are being put into witness protection."
You hear the glass you were holding smash as it connects with the marble floor of the kitchen. It's funny, you feel like a spectator in your own body. The only other thing you're aware of is that you feel like you can't breathe.
Aaron calls your name a few times but you're hyper fixated on one thing he says. 'Jack and I.' Not we. Why hadn't he said we?
"Can I not come too?" Your voice is small. Lost. "If this madman is following Jack, he'll know who I am, Aaron."
You hear him exhale.
"I know. I tried to get the Marshals to offer you the choice of coming with us." You imagine he's scrubbing his hand down his face in frustration. "They said that, since Scratch's focus is the team, and I will no longer be around or know what's happening, you will no longer be at risk." He lets out a scoff.
Tears silently trace down your face. Your world was ending but, no matter how much you wanted to beg and scream and demand they stay, this was already a done deal. Jack's safety was the most important thing in the world and you wouldn't dare risk it for your selfish desires.
"OK." You take a moment to breathe and clear your throat. "Can you do something for me?"
"Of course."
"Tell Jack I love him? Give him a big hug and kiss and tell him that I'll see him when this is over?"
That breaks him, and he quietly sobs out your name.
"You're going to be OK. Both of you. And I'll be here waiting." You take a shaky breath. "Is there anything I can do?"
"I'm putting everything into your name. I don't mind if you move into the apartment or if you rent it out and put everything in storage. Just try to hold onto the keepsakes and Jack's stuff."
"I've got it. Don't worry. It's in good hands."
"The very best." He gives a shaky laugh. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault Aaron. God, I love you so much."
You both go quiet, knowing you don't have long until the Marshals disconnect his number.
"I can't ask you to wait for me." He tells you. It makes a sob break through your restraint. "That would be selfish of me. Just know that I love you. And, once this is over, we'll see you again."
"I know, it's OK. I love you."
"I…."
The line goes dead and, like the glass spread across the floor, you break.
---------
The weeks following are hazy in your memory. You imagine it's not totally dissimilar to a bereavement. After all, you'd discussed seeing each other again, but you both knew that there was a chance it may not happen. Scratch had been evading law enforcement for months with ease. He was watching Jack and no-one even knew. It didn't bode well.
Time continued to pass. Eventually, from around the 6th month mark, people started offering to set you up with friends/relatives/colleagues. You weren't getting any younger they kept saying. You can't miss out on the rest of your life.
It was something you were well aware of. You were only a couple of years younger than Aaron so you were moving past your prime, particularly if you wanted to have kids of your own. You couldn't do it though. It just felt wrong when Aaron was out there alone somewhere with a new name and identity. How could you move on? Instead, you focussed on work, even getting a promotion for your efforts.
You didn't move into the apartment, you couldn't bring yourself to. You and Aaron had been discussing moving, and potentially purchasing a proper house with a garden Jack play soccer in in the future, mere days before everything happened. It was just another thing that didn't feel right. Instead, you moved the important things out to Dave's basement. He had the space and it would be much safer than a storage locker. It also helped sooth his guilt over the fact that none of the team were supposed to have much contact with you to try and keep you off Scratch's hotlist.
Since you didn't need the income from the apartment, you instead approached a charity who worked with women and families escaping domestic violence. You'd offered them the apartment at a reduced rate for short term lets that rolled month by month, with potential to go up to a year. The plan was to give people time to get back on their feet and regain their independence in a safe and secure environment.
You'd had two small families in so far. Both had moved on after securing jobs with good salaries and new full time accommodation. They were both keeping you updated about how they and their kids were doing, and you were happy that you were able to help them even just a little. It was empty at the moment and you were busy organising some basic maintenance and were going to repaint some of the rooms to freshen it up.
You'd just been on the phone with Derek, who'd offered to do the small repair jobs you needed doing, when someone knocked at the door.
Glancing at the clock and seeing it was nearly 9pm, you paused and texted Derek as a safety precaution. It was probably nothing, but better safe than sorry.
The knock sounded again, a little more urgent this time, and you hustled to the door to open it.
When you realised who was on the other side, your knees gave way.
There in front of you, looking almost exactly the same as when he left, was Aaron with Jack peeking out from behind him.
Realising what was happening, he reached out to steady you and you threw yourself into his arms, sobbing as if your life depended on it.
He held you just tightly, rocking from side to side until you pulled back. You lower yourself into a crouch and hold your arms out to Jack, who collides with you with enough force to knock you on your behind.
You both laugh as you land on the floor, a light, carefree combination of sounds that tinkles around the room as you press kisses all over his face. Aaron bobs down to join the hug before helping you both to your feet and guiding you all to your sofa.
"I'm so glad you're both back" you tell them. Jack is snuggled into your lap and you're snuggled into Aaron. Declarations of love pass easily and frequently between the three of you and it fills you with warmth.
You spend the evening catching up with them. Apparently Scratch had been caught at the end of last week but it had taken this long for word to get through to the Marshals and for them to organise transferring them home.
Jack tells you over dinner (pizza, Jack picked) about his school and all the things he's learnt since the last time he saw you. Aaron tells you about his cover job as a law clerk in the backwater town of Nowhere, Iowa. In return, you tell them about how you got promoted at work and what you've done with the apartment in their absence. Aaron's eyes shine with pride as you explain the cause and you know it's one that's close to his heart.
Before you know it, it's almost midnight and Aaron is suggesting they go back to the hotel that they've been set up in for the next few days. You won't allow that though. They'll be lucky if they're allowed to leave your sight ever again.
You all brush your teeth together in the bathroom while joking around before getting sorted and all clambering into your bed together.
Wrapped in Aaron's arms, with Jack tucked up against your side, you finally feel whole for the first time since that dreaded phone call.
"My boys," you gently sigh. "I love you both".
Aaron presses a soft kiss to your forehead, and you let the sound of their breathing calm you as you fall into the deepest nights sleep you've had in forever.
Even better, they're still there when you wake up.
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