#although if they do deliver god knows when I'll find time to have a breakdown | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mrs-tsunderemeitantei · 3 years

Text

DISCLAIMER: HUGE, LONG RANT AHEAD!

ALSO SPOILERS IN CASE YOU'RE NOT UP TO DATE WITH THE MANGA OR WITH ZERO THE ENFORCER!

Soo in case you missed it, Gosho released the SDB Justice Plus some time last month:

The biggest shocker was the answer to Question number 4, shown below:

Basically this translates to:

Q4: On the Mystery Train, he (Amuro) said to Miyano Shiho that “My comrades who are tracking us have made arrangements in order to retrieve you”, but were those comrades from PSB? If that’s the case, I’m curious about how he planned to deceive Vermouth...!

A: Those were comrades from the Black Organization, so there was no need to deceive them.

Ummmm...what??

Idk about y'all but when I read this, I was livid. It didn’t make any sense to me. And quite frankly, I didn't want it to. Maybe because I am one of those (very rare) people who thought Rei and Shiho could eventually end up together (Don't laugh, it would have made sense, and I'll write about that in a separate post).

Anywho, safe to say Gosho's latest confession left me in absolute confusion. Like why? Just why? Then I realised I'm more butt-hurt about this because I was fixated on a certain idea of Rei's character and chose to ignore his other sides, as if they didn't exist. It didn't help that his past is so freaking depressing which got me sympathizing with his character and led me to either ignore or make excuses for any red flags.

But now that I think about it, it sadly makes sense. It also explains why he didn't show any sadness or regret when he saw Shiho supposedly ‘die’ in the luggage cart in the Bell Tree Train Arc.

Now to let me wrap my head around this, I needed to breakdown his three "faces":

1. Amuro Tooru is a cheerful, friendly, generous, carefree, outgoing man.

2. Furuya Rei is a serious, law-abiding, calculating, patriotic police officer who is willing to die for Japan's security.

3. And Bourbon is a devious, manipulative, cunning, deadly agent.

Yet, ever since we found out he was in fact an NPA agent, we (or at least I), seem to have forgotten about those dark sides he possesses. Also with Zero's tea time showing us a softer side of his character it was easy to get caught up in "he's 100% one of the god guys" when in fact, he's a complex, grey character.

He has shown on multiple occasions, just how far he is willing to go, to achieve whatever goal he’s set his mind on. Let's not forget how in Zero the Enforcer, he completely flipped the switch. (I know this isn't Canon but...) The man went as far as to create a suspect and jail the innocent Mori Kogoro so he can legally investigate the case and emotionally manipulate Conan into unkowningly help with the investigation.

Also, in the Detective Nocturne’s case he deliberately didn’t tell Ran as soon as he noticed Conan might have been kidnapped by the criminal because he hadn’t finished investigating the apartment.

And in the Scarlet Arc, he was willing to harm Jodie's teacher friend, so he can lure out the FBI and advance his investigation on Akai’s death. Let’s not forget once he figured out the truth, he was willing to expose Akai’s fake death (which I get it he's out for revenge), but by doing so, he would have also gotten Kir killed (even though I'm pretty sure he knew at that point, she was in fact a NOC).

As we can see, be it Bourbon, Furuya Rei or Amuro Toru, he will stop at nothing to reach his goals, even if it means throwing innocent people under the bus. So, now when Gosho says his "partners" were in fact BO members and not the PSB, I'm no longer surprised.

I mean, why wouldn’t he sell Shiho back to the organisation? Because he knew she was Sensei’s daughter, and that should have meant something to him? Alright, let’s talk about that.

Did he love Shiho’s mum? Yes, he did, there’s no doubt about that (one of the reasons he joined the joined the police in the first place was to find her, so you can't convince me otherwise).

But what if he loved Japan even more? (It's not canon, but he did say in Zero the Enforcer that the safety of this country matters most to him, even if it means he’d end up paying with his own life).

So, I'm going to take a wild guess as to how he could have felt when he found out the woman he loved as his own mother, willingly joined the deadly organisation that threatened the safety of his country. Based on his memories, he remembered her encouraging her husband to join the Carasuma group.

So, if through his investigations, he was able to realise she is the same woman from his childhood, I’m pretty sure he would have been very disappointed. I’m not sure the extent of his knowledge about the drug, but if he also found out their research created the poisonous APTX-4869, I reckon it would be more reason for him to be upset.

Now let's talk about Haibara/Shiho. To any outsider who's unaware of the truth of her past, she is a woman born into the organisation, then was groomed and taught from a young age by the syndicate and promoted to take on their research. A research that produced a poisonous drug, just like her parents did. Also, she only ran away after the organisation killed her sister. Before that, she was a high-ranking member. With all these facts, why would he think of her as anything but a criminal just like the rest of the BO members? It’d be rather foolish for him to not hand her back to the organisation just because she is the daughter of the woman he once thought so highly of. If anything, he’d be killing two birds with one stone, by executing a criminal, while also gaining higher standing in the organisation.

As fans of Haibara, we are rightfully upset by his intentions of returning her to the organisation because we know her truth. He doesn't. It wasn't until we learnt more about her painful past and kind and caring nature that we grew to love her. We know she never wanted to create a poisonous drug. That she already hated the organisation for using the drug as a poison. That she had to develop the drug to protect Akemi’s life.

There is no way Rei would have known about any of the bullying she or her family faced from the BO. By nature, Shiho is very secretive and reserved and very little of her personality or history would have been known by any of the BO members (except maybe Gin). Therefore, apart from the files the BO would have kept on Shiho and her role in the organisation, that’s all Rei had to learn about her. So, I can’t really blame him for choosing to hand her back to the organisation.

Some people who are still in denial, argue that if he planned to kill Shiho, why was he willing to kill whom he thought was Vermouth instead of handing her over?

Shouldn’t that prove he was going to take Shiho to safety to the PSB, not the BO? Before Gosho's statement, I would have agreed but now...sigh. Now, I get why he did that. If Shiho were to die BEFORE she was returned to the organisation, he wouldn’t have gained the trust he was seeking. If she were to die AFTER he delivered her, I highly doubt it would have mattered to him. Although I'm still hoping he maybe he had a plan of not leaving her in the organisation's clutches after "handing her back" and he never truly intended on getting her killed. But since Gosho also said there was no need to deceive Vermouth, I highly doubt it. (Heart breaking).

After such an explanation, does everything make more sense now? Maybe. Am I ok with it? Hell no! I’m quite angry and annoyed that this is how things turned out to be, but it is what it is. We have to accept that Rei is not a good character, and he's not a bad character. He's a grey character and when you think of it that way, it's easier to understand his behaviour. Not that I agree with it. After Gosho's statement, I think pretty sure Rei is in dire need of some character development. He could stand to learn a thing or two from Conan who manages to reach his goals while preserving as many lives as possible (Akai's fake death being the burst example while managing to drive Kir back to the BO).

For now, I’m looking forward to the developments that will entail. I’m curious to see how Rei and Haibara will react once they eventually meet each other. It'll be interesting to see what will go through his mind once he figures out her true identity. One thing I'm sure of is once they're introduced to each other, emotions will be running high and things will get intense. Which honestly, I can't wait for and I'm counting down the days till I get a proper Amuro/Haibara interaction.

#shiho miyano #miyano shiho #haibara ai #ai haibara #sherry #furuya rei #rei furuya #tooru amuro #amuro tooru #bourbon #dcmk #case closed #detective conan #Detective Conan #elena miyano #miyano elena #vermouth

86 notes · View notes

followmesunshine · 5 years

Text

Remembering my little one.

Brian and I had been trying to conceive for four years. We were used to the crushing disappointment of having a period or the negative after negative tests so imagine our delight when we've finally seen those two red lines. We were blessed! Finally, our own baby. And so my pregnancy journey began.

I was sick from the beginning. I felt like sh*t every single day but I was happy, I'm pregnant! On my 4th week, I had spotting which means I need bed rest. Come my 6th week, I started to vomit endlessly. A case of Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I was hospitalized twice (Jul.2 and Jul. 24) due to dehydration. I lost 6kg in one month time. I cant eat nor drink. I was exhausted. It came to a point where I cried and told Brian, "Napapagod na ako." but then I'll remember my child and I'd be: "I can do it. I'll do it.", anything for my baby.

Likewise, my baby was a fighter. All the tests are normal. Seeing my child's heart beating is one of the best moments of my life. We passed the first trimester, we made it. They said, this is when you get to start enjoying your baby bump. This is when your nausea is likely to disappear. In short, we are told we're in the clear. I thought I was too.

Dawn of Aug.19, I felt pain on my lowerback but it was tolerable so I made no fuss. Around 5AM, I woke up only to find our bed stained with blood. We immediately rushed to the hospital and were told I was bleeding due to UTI, possibly because I was always dehydrated and I was not able to pee that much, I got infected. The baby is fine. Our doctor wanted to be sure the infection won't get worse so we were admitted.

Dawn of Aug. 20, I felt pain on my lowerback and on my belly. Again, it was tolerable, for me, so I just endured it. Around 2AM my baby's heartbeat was 152bpm. The baby is fine. By 4AM, it was 133bpm. The baby seems to be ok, although the nurses were on high alert checking me from time to time. Still, I didn't feel anything unusual.

And then by 6AM, I was bleeding heavily. Suddenly, all the nurses are on me. WTF is happening? I was trying to be calm but then I saw my Mother cry. I felt it. It was then that it really hit me: unknowingly, I had gone into labour; my baby had been delivered, my baby had died. I hit the lowest low of my life while I was in that bed, bleeding, sobbing and begging for my baby's life.

By 730AM, I was transferred to the OR for D&C. Physically I can't feel anything but emotionally, I was hurting. I am unsure which pain is worse though - the shock of what happened, or the ache of what never will. How the f**k do you recover from this? I lost my child. Someone we had plans for the future, someone we dreamed about, someone we loved with every fibre of our being.

No matter how many times I was told it's not my fault, I couldn't escape a sense of self-blame. I am certain it was my fault, and all this complications made me question my ability to be a Mother. How could I care for a new born baby if I couldn't even protect him/her while he/she was inside my body? This took me to a dark place, and it was hard to climb out of that hole. For my sanity, I had to tell myself over and over that I was enough, my decisions and actions were enough. Nobody wanted it to happen.

I still don't understand why Brian and I had to go through all these. The one thing I know, however, is that God doesn't take us through these things to watch us get hurt. He loves us so much and there's a purpose. He gets to reveal His amazing presence during the tough times.

And it made us stronger. Mama and Papa took care of me. Brian carried all my pain and grief. I held on to my family for support and they gave me strength. I had friends, especially Jonah who I leaned on to. They were all there through all my breakdowns, letting me cry my heart out, ensuring me that soon I'll be fine. Today, I'm still hurting. But I am recovering.

And to my sweet, little angel. It's been nine days since I lost you. I may not have touched you or heard you cry but I carried you inside me for as long as I could. We fought together. You're always going to be my strong, beautiful little baby. And for the short time you were with us, you made us a family of three. You made us so, so happy. I am sorry you were not able to stay longer. I am sorry my body betrayed you. I am sorry that you did not get to grow. But I am still thankful for having you. And I will never forget you, little one, not ever. ❤️

0 notes