#also you stole his character development but that's on the writers

[gazorninplat]

As much as I love Disco Elysium, I think I was not prepared for Sacred and Terrible Air. Of course, I was expecting to know more about the world of Elysium as a whole, and Robert Kurvitz is a very good writer, but the thesis of the novel (and how it makes its points) flash-banged me.

Disco Elysium this is not, and it wasn’t supposed to be, but I think I can understand better now what the team at ZA/UM was getting at with this specific setting, and these specific narrative angles. Kinda messy, because it’s been a week since I finished it, but here are some things I’d like to highlight: 

1. The pedophilia. I surely wasn’t expecting this to be such a central theme of the novel, but a lot of its main points revolve around it. The most interesting use of this, as a narrative device, is how the girlfriend of Jesper basically accuses him of being a pedophile because he cannot relate to the adults around him. He’s still obsessed with a girl he met when he was 13 years old, and fetishizes a scrunchie he stole from her bag two decades ago. Yeah, I guess Jesper, well into his thirties, is still in love with a 13 year old girl. His girlfriend is almost half his age, and they started dating when she was 15 years old and a lingerie model (!). Zigi mentions how pedophilia was a bougie disease, and well… That idea went right into my thought cabinet (I call it “Bougie Babies for Sale).

Still processing it.

Now, let’s go back to the rest of the main characters. With all this in mind, a pedophilic overtone covers their interest in these four missing girls, but Jasper is the only one who acts on it, sort of. Khan remains in a sort of arrested development (he still uses a shirt he had when he was 13), foregoing normal adult relationships, and Tereesz joins the police as an investigator with the idea of still finding them some day (essentially letting these eternally prepubescent girls define his entire existence), leading him to a very dark path. I wonder if the brutality they afford to the “actual” pedophiles in the story (Vidkun Hird and the Linoleum Salesman) comes from the realization that they are not that different?

2. Obviously, though, this fetishization of the Lund sisters is also a fetishization of the past. The novel states it in the first few pages; they disappeared twenty years ago, in a time that most conservative people remember as the “good old days”. Basically their version of the American Fifties. Now, being obsessed with the past is a running theme in both SaTA and DE, but the angle here is different.

I already said it: the past is not remembered, is fetishized with an almost sexual yearning by a lot of the male characters of the book. They want to be consumed by it (and lucky them! It will) and do nothing more than serve it. It reminds me of a poem by Yamil Nardil Sadek, which, translated to the best of my ability, goes like: 

She awaits me

sitting on the bed,

wearing leather,

and armed to the teeth,

the Memory.

Yeah, that sums up Sacred and Terrible Air pretty well. Everyone is being consumed by the past, bite by bite, and enjoying it. Vidkun Hird, by the mythologized version of his tribe’s history; Sarjan Ambartsumjan, by a miniature ship model that requires constant, devoted thought or else it will disappear, the three main characters by the memory of that summer with the Lund girls. Even the Linoleum Salesman is being haunted and consumed, of sorts, by his sickness and dementia that only sometimes let him take a peek of the past. Beyond that, there are very few characters that do not spend time being followed by relentless ghosts. Literally, in the case of Zigi. Which brings me to…

3. The Pale. It was a really cool concept in Disco Elysium, and it’s an existential nightmare in Sacred and Terrible Air. It always was, really. But here it lets you take a look into it in a way that’s applicable in real life. The Pale is a metaphor for many things, but actually for a single one: A world where our current Capitalist reality facilitates both apathy and yearning for better days, often idealized in our collective pasts.

My favorite scene, one that was incredibly puzzling but so obvious in retrospect, is a beautiful speech by the ghost (?) of Ignus Nilsen to Zigi. I will just paste it here:

“I said terrible things, yes! I stood on a white horse, in a blizzard, and gave speeches. In the mountains, on the construction site… I swung my sword, with silver sunbeams on the hilt. And all around me fluttered white flags, crests of crowned horns made with silver thread, a pentagon between the prongs of the horns, the branches raised to heaven. Everyone who came here with me became happy, Zigi! Communism is powerful! Believe in Communism, it’s a burst of enthusiasm! I promise! It’s beautiful when you believe in a person, but without it…!”

“Without it, there is nothing.”

“Nothing. It was a blizzard, but it was bright, it was morning. Communism is white, it sparkles! Communism is the morning, it is a jubilation!” 

The Pale begins to recede dangerously around the entroponaut.

The fucking Pale recedes with talk of Communism! At first it might appear a little heavy handed (yeah, Communism, by itself, could save the world). But then I got into how Communism could be a solution to the antipathy and chronic nostalgia that sustain Capitalism, and then it hit me. Nilsen, a literal ghost from the past, is talking about a future that could have been. That he wanted to accomplish. That people, probably, can still achieve. The Pale is not eternal, it can be pushed back. Because the Pale seems to subsist on the past, it abhors any talk of the future. A better future. That’s how we solve things, and for a central thesis, is not bad at all.

With that being said, and because I’m just rambling here while pretending I’m working, there are also some things that I just didn’t understand, but maybe it was because of the translation. The original novel is written in a very poetic style, and some of that is still here, but I still need to untangle…

1. The Man. It is said that the day the Lund girls disappeared, they were joined by a mysterious Man that nobody seemed to remember correctly. A character even suspects that she was remembering wrong. Now, the Pale erases people and memories retroactively, so maybe it had something to do with it, but… Who was that? Is there any theory about that Man, or I just missed something? Some scenes and narrations were tough to parse for me (my primary language is not English).

2. Was Malin Lund pregnant? That flash with the fetus was sudden and weird.

3. What was the significance of the three meat piroshkis? They mention that it was unusual that the girls bought them (and if you do the math, you can realize early on that they were not planning to get back home. That purchase didn’t leave them enough money for the bus fare back), but that’s it. Were they for the Man? Also, the narration mentions that Lund girls’ picnic basket contained “the kind of things girls like to eat”, so maybe they were planning to see the boys and bring them the kind of things boys eat? I’m overthinking that? The chapter actually titled “Three Meat Piroshkis” just left me even more confused.

4. I don’t understand how Khan’s pen works at all. The one he brought to the school reunion. That was the part I re-read the most. Anyway, even with that, I loved Sacred and Terrible Air. Definitely one of the most enthralling reads I had, with or without the background of Disco Elysium. I’d still like an official translation that could potentially solve the issues I had, but for now, a Top 10 Book for me.

Go for it now.

#disco elysium #sacred and terrible air #robert kurvitz #literary analysis #random thoughts #book quotes

[hotchfiles]

↪ day seven. change — #marchhotchness

What's something you would change about him?

when i created this question prompt i thought i was super sneaky because i specifically put it in there because i had something in mind. unfortunately i have adhd and forgot what it was. so here's the half assed version.

this is a mix of a stan point of view and a writer's point of view, so have some patience with me.

first and foremost i needed him sassier. snarkier. i wanted his dry humor to show up so much more, he's so funny and the fact people (and hotch himself!!) canonically think he doesn't have a sense of humor it's honestly offensive to me personally.

i also wanted him more unhinged. i understand the after arc of foyet was done in a way to show he values jack, so that's why he didn't freak the fuck out and began killing unsubs on sight. like i get that. it makes sense. still. fuck i wanted him more unhinged some times. my biggest wish is that we got his mr scratcher arc that cbs stole from us by being a little bitch who can't deal with a bit of violence on set whateverrr.

i wouldn't change him turning into an absent terrible husband because him realizing that especially after season 5 is a big character development moment and i enjoy it.

as a stan who writes, i would've changed the way they dealt with his backstory. i wanted his backstory to be better explained, there's so many plot holes and timeline slips that make the construction of the character seem lazy. there were so many missed opportunities too, we see him dealing with his ex father in law but we don't even know what the fuck happened to his mom.

just realized i missed the whole point of the question after like the third paragraph. i just love complaining.

thanks for coming to my hotch ted talk.

#marchhotchness #lari march hotchness #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch x you #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds x reader #hotch x reader #hotch x you #hotch imagine #hotch scenario

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 20

welcome to the twentieth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics. 

1. for we are the beautiful thieves by @caimani-ao3

Keith and Lance go undercover (sort of) at General Iverson's gala to steal back an Altean artifact the general stole while treasure-hunting. Keith's job? Sneaking away in the middle of the party to find the artifact. Lance's job? Looking pretty in a dress.

love love LOVE adventure fics this shit ROCKS. voltron?? thief archeologists whose main goal is to steal artefacts from rich asshole collectors and return them to where they came from?? iconique!! klance playing the pretty distrction?? iconique moreso!! 

2. ring my bell by @dumdum692 [EXPLICIT]

And granted, Keith has always been a sore spot for him in this way; Lance has always felt at odds with his domesticated temperament, and Keith holds absolutely none of that. Keith doesn't give two whopping shits about getting pimples, or if Stacy in English class thinks he has bad breath. Keith isn't standing zombie-eyed in the purple lights of a party, plotting woe-is-me narratives of his own melancholia and loneliness, gazing detachedly into a red Solo cup full of jungle juice - he just is, and that's always made Lance, in equal parts, devastatingly embarrassed and devastatingly horny.

Sadly, this scale weights significantly more towards the horny end as of late, because Keith is developing quite a few, very distinctly Galra characteristics, and it's driving Lance absolutely buck fucking nuts.

______________________________________________

Keith goes through puberty. Devastation ensues.

this fic is a proud truther of two important things: a) lance’s type is literally anyone who can kick his ass and look good doing it, and b) lance has a big vocabulary entirely so he can be as melodramatic as possible whenever he so pleases. and i for one am thankful for its service.

3. Cross My Path by @wittyy-name [EXPLICIT]

Lance owns a witch themed cat cafe that rescues black cats. Each one has a unique collar and color coded name to help tell them apart. He's not supposed to play favorites, but he's already adopted his favorite, Red, as his own. Cold and distant to everyone, Red is extremely affectionate to Lance. Needy. Clingy. Protective. But Lance doesn't mind. He makes Lance's home a little less lonely. He's a little weird, but aren't all cats? He loves his baby boy, and he's eternally grateful for the day that little black fluff ball crossed his path.

Lance doesn't think twice about Red's odd quirks. That is, until he wakes up with a naked stranger in his bed.

And hey! Turns out Red is actually a witch named Keith who's been cursed to be a cat for twenty years. A really hot witch who's still very affectionate towards Lance.

any fic that’s tagged with catboy keith is a winner in my book tbh. and this fic is AMAZING the entire concept is unbelievably cool and the storyline is adorable!! also healthy relationship boundaries and expectations for the win!! plus rough sex also!!

4. know by petalloso

Keith couldn’t feel his legs. Upon further realization, he couldn’t feel his arms either, or his hands. He could, however, feel Lance’s hands, and they were all over him, running up and down his chest in inspection, tilting his chin this way and that, pulling him up from the floor where he figured he’d landed probably because his knees had just given out on him.

“Stupid,” he heard Lance say. “You blew out your legs.”

those 2016 fics man!! they never miss they just dont!! insane to me that this author apologises for being ooc as if their portrayal of keith is not the most in character portrayal possibly ever lol. AND this fic has oldest child lance my beloved

5. stud by petalloso

“Ow.”

Keith stops in his tracks, listening. The voice comes again, louder and more elongated this time, muffled behind the door.

“Ouch,” it says, and then, “shit shit shit.”

lance IS the type of impulsive dumbass to pierce is own ears, and i thank this writer greatly for pointing that out. this fic is cute and sweet and silly which are my three for three basically

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

#can u believe that we have now made it to 100 fics recced!! and 20 weeks of fic rec friday!! #whooo!!! #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #keith #keith kogane #klance #established klance #pre klance #flirting #bad flirting #bamf keith #bamf lance #bamf klance #modern au #fic rec #fic rec friday

[out-of-the-forest-i-come]

Running Close to the Wind Review

Running Close to the Wind comes out June 11th in the US, and June 13th in the UK, so make sure to preorder it or mark the date, because it's a gem of a book.

Pirates but make it gay and absolutely unhinged. Then take that, and make it horny and polyamorous. Congratulations, you now have Running Close to the Wind.

Avra, lucky poet and partially retired spy for Arast, accidentally stole the one trade secret most of Arast’s fortune is based on. He also accidentally reunited with Captain Tevari, a pirate with a ruthless reputation and his on-again off-again ex of the past fifteen years, who may or may not want him dead, or at the very least as far away from them as possible. To keep himself from being thrown overboard, Avra reveals to Teveri and their crew the secret he’s stolen, and together they devise a plan to sell it and make as much money off it as possible. Enters Julian, an extremely attractive monk bound by an unfortunate vow of celibacy, scholar extraordinaire and last essential piece to help them achieve their plan. Avra now has three problems on his hands: finding a way to sell the secret without being found out and killed by Arast, make up with Teveri, and convince Julian to abandon his vow of celibacy.

Forget everything you’ve just imagined about this book, forget the comparisons to Our Flag Means Death and Six of Crows, however accurate they may be, because whatever your expectations are about this book, it will blow them away. I went in with high expectations, both because of the promise of a heist like in Six of Crows, one of my favourite books ever, and because I loved A Taste of Iron and Gold, the first and only Alexandra Rowland book I’d read. Despite this, nothing had prepared me for the wild, unhinged ride that Running Close to the Wind proved to be.

Alexandra Rowland introduces us to fiery, vivid characters, whose personalities both clash and compliment one another’s. Avra could be an obnoxious and annoying character, what with his exuberant personality and endless supply of dirty jokes, but instead I found him most endearing, and it was incredibly easy to empathise with him and long for his happy ending. Similarly, Teveri’s personality could have driven me away. Instead, and partly thanks to Avra’s adoration of them, they were so easily lovable and relatable. And Julian’s wit and daunting complimented this pair so well, bringing nuance while playing into their games. This made for delicious relationships, and dynamics that had me cackling and squealing, and made me yearn for more development of their relationship, yearn to know what would happen and how it would end. From a writer’s point of view, I am admirative of Alexandra Rowland’s well-proven ability to play with a variety of characters and personalities, and render them all equally vivid and compelling, and to make readers fall for all kinds of relationships, from the calm one in A Taste of Gold and Iron to the fiery one in Running Close to the Wind.

Another thing I loved and admired was the balance between plot and character arc. This story is cleary character-led and the point of it is not so much what happens to the secret, although it is an important part of the story, as what growth the characters undergo. And grow they do. These arcs were mastered from start to end, and Alexandra Rowland found just how much of character arc and how much plot they could give us so that the story would neither feel plot-heavy nor character-heavy. This is no easy feat, but Alexandra Rowland mastered it seamlessly, and it merits some applause.

Overall, Running Close to the Wind is like no other book I’ve ever had to pleasure to read. It is wild and hilarious, and I don’t remember the last time a book made me laugh so much, but I’ll definitely remember that time. This story reads well and quickly, the worldbuilding blending it perfectly with the rest, even for those who haven’t read or don’t remember much about the worldbuilding of A Taste of Gold and Iron, set in the same world. Running Close to the Wind is a masterpiece of a story, lighthearted and yet treating serious topics without weighing down the atmosphere of the book. It is endlessly fun, surprisingly crude and dirty in its jokes, and vivid from beginning to end. Those who have loved Freya Marske’s books will most likely love this book as well, as will Alexandra Rowland’s fans and anyone interested in queer pirates. If you dislike sex-related jokes or crude language, refrain from reading this book, as it is riddled with such jokes and language—and it is what makes part of its charm.

Thank you Pan Macmillan and NetGalley for provinding me with an ARC of this book. All opinions in this review are mine and unbiased.

#running close to the wind #alexandra rowland #book review #queer books #fantasy books #queer fantasy #queer pirate books #queer romance #polyamory #mlm #mlnb #queer characters #book thoughts #out of the queue i come #out of the forest out of the brain

[cringecompanionapologist]

Some Interesting Stuff About the Development of Turlough

I was seriously tempted to call this post "Vis-lore Turlough". I am so fucking normal.

Anyway, I found a website via the TARDIS wiki that goes into detail about the concepts behind and making of Doctor Who episodes. For Mawdryn Undead, this means a discussion of how the character of Turlough was developed.

It started with JNT and Adric not going according to his vision. He was supposed to be a companion you couldn't quite trust, but that didn't really work with him, so it was decided that they'd try the idea again.

Honestly, the "untrustworthy" thing didn't work with Adric because of his age. He had an innocent vibe to him and tended to work best when the fact that he was just a kid trying his best was emphasized.

He'd often sort of go rogue, trying to save the day in his own way, often with some lying and stealing involved, but this seemed to confuse people. Adric became infamous for taking the villain's side, something he only did once. He pretended to take the villain's side in two other stories, but it was a fake-out. In Kinda, since the villain he pretends to side with is obviously insane, the fake-out is also quite obvious. I've seen reviews of State of Decay that don't seem to understand that Adric was supposed to be faking, however. There was also Castrovalva, where Adric was forced to work with the Master, and there's a scene or two where he pretends to cooperate willingly, but it doesn't last very long and it's always clearly a fake-out. Honestly, Adric is actually a pretty bad liar. I'm not sure if he was supposed to come across that way, but it's what we got.

Turlough was an attempt to start over and try the idea again, but with a clear story arc behind it that would make the writers keep that element consistent. Notably, for a character meant as a replacement for Adric, and a character who'd later be introduced as a schoolboy, the original plan for Turlough doesn't seem to specify his age. He's an alien working for the Black Guardian.

Unlike Adric, Turlough wasn't really meant to be a teenager. He originally wasn't going to be introduced as a schoolboy at all. The planned third story of season 20, where he'd be introduced, was The Song of the Space Whale, but the story fell through, eventually ending up as a Lost Story audio with 6 and Peri.

Since this was a last minute change, Turlough wasn't actually aged down. According to Mark Strickson, Turlough is supposed to look like he doesn't belong in the setting, and one of the ways he doesn't belong is by being obviously too old. It's never directly explained to the audience that Turlough is older than he was pretending to be, though it is implied. When given Adric's old room, he complains about it looking like a child's room, because he's had enough of children. So, the clearest answer we get to Turlough's age is "older than Adric".

Having Turlough be a bit older makes the more morally ambiguous part of his character seem more convincing. He's also given a more clear motivation for it. Adric had kinda sorta been an outsider on his homeworld who learned to steal things, but he stole because his big brother did. Adric sort of latched on to any role model he found, so simply traveling with the Doctor would change his moral attitudes to better match him. He's still young enough that his worldview is shaped by adults. Turlough is old enough that, even if he respects and admires someone, he's developed his own view of the universe through his own experiences with it.

Another reoccurring point in Mark Strickson interviews is that he wanted Turlough to be more independent than most companions. He's from an advanced civilization, so he knows how all the tech works. He's familiar with alien species. He doesn't need the Doctor to explain everything to him. But, the show kind of forced the companions into a simplistic role. JNT believed that at the end of the day, the companions were there to ask "what's happening, Doctor?" even in situations where they should definitely already know. They had to stand in for not only an audience of ordinary humans, but an audience primarily of children, so even things that a regular human adult could figure out would sometimes have to be spelled out to them.

Janet Fielding also had a problem with this for feminist reasons. Tegan wasn't supposed to be stupid. This led to a period of time where everyone was going rogue. You had two actors playing their companions as intelligent, independent adults when the script needed the opposite.

I'm calling attention to this because I think it's interesting that this was happening with Five's companions specifically. Five's main fandom characterization is as a dad with all these adopted queer youths. Five does often act like that, but it would be interesting to really look at that in the context of companions that probably wouldn't want to be treated that way. Adric and Nyssa were both introduced as teenagers, though Nyssa seemed to grow up over time. They sort of were his adopted children.

But, Tegan and Turlough enter the TARDIS as adults. The actors' frustrations could actually fit in-character. Tegan feels like she's being talked down to because she's a woman and Turlough had to pass himself off as a schoolboy but is sick of it. Why he doesn't change out of his damn uniform makes no sense with this in-universe. Out of universe, 80s Doctor Who characters were often given limited selections of outfits so they'd be more recognizable. In Turlough's case, he was dressed in black to contrast with the Doctor's white and beige and Tegan's more bold colors. It represented the personality of each character: The Doctor is mild-mannered, Tegan is bold and tends to stand out, Turlough is somber and cynical.

So, over time, Five's companions grow up. Nyssa is with him long enough that she literally comes of age while traveling with him. With Adric and Nyssa gone, we're left with Tegan and Turlough as two adult companions. Five spent years alone with Nyssa, basically acting as her adoptive father, raising her to adulthood, when she decides to leave home. He's not sure how to relate to his companions as adults. They haven't been in quite a while.

In comparing 5's companions to older companions, Adric and Nyssa are more like Susan or Zoe, very smart, but still kids. Tegan is more like Sarah Jane, limited in scientific knowledge by being a 20th century woman, but still clever and not fond of being talked down to. Turlough is more like Romana, another intelligent alien that the Doctor could communicate with as an equal. At least, that's how I would've thought of it if I'd been given these characters

This has devolved into rambling now. I just wanted to analyze 5's companions and "dad" status. I've run out of things to say.

#fifth doctor #vislor turlough #tegan jovanka #five and his kids and his grown ups

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

id like to weigh in on those two asks re: (vriska) and meenah and vriska's arc

1. i dont think hussie know how old any of his characters are

2. (vriska) developing into someone who is nice and chill and is not driven to always be the most important wasnt "becoming a good character" it was "finishing a character arc and then becoming less prominent in the story because that's what happens when you finish a character arc"

3. vriska coming back saying "lol pussy" and being herself and being Important To The Ending is, in fact, an important part of her character arc as the thief of light. vriska was told ok your time in the spotlight is over, your story is done and now you can become a kinder more balanced person offscreen bc you are no longer being used by the narrative to further its own goals and vriska said lol you THOUGHT and stole that spotlight right back to be important. the fact that vriska is so important is a direct result of her being the thief of life and that dictating her story

4. some clarity regarding the thief of lufe stuff for u: hs has a symbol system of aspects and classes which when combined refer to a particular direction a character's story arc can take. aspects are a collection of ideas symbols and metaphors, while class dictates how you relate to them. vriska's aspect of light is the aspect of fortune and knowledge but also quite literally the narrative spotlight. (someone did a statistical analysis and light players have more words of dialogue than any other aspect by a good fuckin bit.) thieves, then, steal their aspect for themselves; this is their character struggle and character arc. vriska's whole thing is needing to be the most important and relevant, and she does. now you may be thinking, that dossnt seem very healthy! and youre right! but classpects arent about reaching your best self. they are about being who you need to be so the story can come to completion. a person whose character arc is refusing to change or becoming worse is not a poorly written character; they are just a character whose story is about that. if the bad guy becomes a good person offscreen after the movie is over, thats not a character arc. thats you imagining something that might happen after the events of the deliberately constructed story you watched that was written that way for a reason

anyway. the biggest problem with vriscourse is that no one in it understands media analysis god bless. to be fair hussie ecourages this behavior. but despite the yellow guy in the neverending story attic*, homestuck was written by a person who did it on purpose, and none of it is real

*hussie (homestuck character and in-universe writer of homestuck, as distinct from andrew hussie real human author of homestuck) first shows up in the comic in an attic from the neverending story. hes yellow

#this reaction image sure will get a lot of use I think so thank you to the person who made it for me #not a poll #ask #anonymous #discourse #vriska #homestuck

[leofrith]

A Critique of ACV: The Last Chapter (SPOILERS!)

I wanted to hold off on sharing my thoughts about the new content until I’d given The Last Chapter time to breathe, because I was honestly hoping that maybe if I gave it some time, I wouldn’t dislike it so much. But the more I think about it, the more I find things to dislike about it. Which is why what started out as a quick write-up of my thoughts immediately after playing The Last Chapter has now spiraled into this very long critique that got so long I needed to add subheadings to break it up. 

Sorryyyyy. 

I’m basically spoiling everything from The Last Chapter here, along with Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla and parts of its expansions. I also briefly mention a few other Assassin’s Creed games, mainly Odyssey and one of its DLCs. My point being, if you don’t want to know anything then please look away now. Or don’t. But I know I would have appreciated a warning before diving into this mess. 💀

As a disclaimer: this essay is not meant to be an attack, nor is it meant to place blame squarely at the feet of Darby Mcdevitt, or any of the other writers or developers involved with the game. There are so many moving parts in a game as expansive and with as much add-on content as Valhalla, and I can only guess what happened behind the scenes that brought us to this point. I don’t know who wrote what, who made what creative decisions, and I therefore don’t feel comfortable placing blame on anyone in particular. I have never worked for Ubisoft and I can therefore only speculate about their internal culture based on what has been leaked from the company over the years. Furthermore, this is not an invitation to personally attack anyone involved in the development of this game on Twitter or wherever else. This is purely an attempt on my part to articulate why me and so many other fans of Valhalla and of Eivor feel so profoundly emotionally betrayed by this ending, as well as outline some factors that I believe contributed to the way the game was mishandled. 

So. I think I had already accepted when the trailer released back in September that something like this was going to happen. I had already done my mourning for the fact that Eivor would never get the send-off she deserved, which is why I think I’m a lot less upset than I would have been otherwise… but that doesn't make this suck any less. The Last Chapter was completely underwhelming, it was emotionally unsatisfying, it completely butchered Eivor's character, it felt incomplete, and rushed, and it felt more like a teaser for Mirage than anything close to the conclusion Eivor’s story deserved.

The (Character) Assassination of Eivor Varinsdottir

When we first meet Eivor as an adult, she is overconfident, brash, and she has just gotten in over her head and gotten both herself and her crew captured by the enemy. She is in the 17th year of a quest for revenge she has been in pursuit of since she was nine years old. She has spent more than half of her life hunting Kjotve, the man who stole her parents, her clan, and her childhood from her, and is fully prepared to die if need be to kill him. She is an orphan who was taken in by the Raven Clan after the slaughter of her own people, and she considers these people to be her new family. Her love for her family and community are central to Eivor’s character right from the beginning. While she learns and grows past some of her flaws throughout the game, her love for her community and her loyalty to them is what sticks with her. 

Eivor also starts the game carrying an immense amount of shame for how her father died, laying down his axe in the hope that the rest of his clan would be spared, only for he and most of his people to be slaughtered anyway. Through her time spent acting as a leader to the Raven Clan–first as a warrior and later as their Jarlskona–Eivor finally understands by the end of the game why Varin did what he did, because she realizes that she would make the exact same choice to protect her people. Eivor, too, would choose to die in “dishonor” if it offered even the smallest chance to save her loved ones. 

Eivor is the reincarnation of Odin; she carries his memories and his thoughts, unbeknownst to her. She has visions and prophetic dreams and hears his voice in her head, but spends much of the game not understanding the meaning of it all. The part of her that is Odin pushes her toward chasing personal glory, toward the pursuit of knowledge, toward selfishness. But she chooses to abandon all that in favor of the people she loves, even as Odin rages and screams insults into her ear and calls her a coward–the one thing she has always been most fearful of becoming. Odin is a representation of everything she has been told to value in life, and she is (literally) pulled in the opposite direction by Sigurd, Randvi, Hytham, Valka, Gunnar, Soma… everything else. 

Eivor never truly seems to grasp the meaning of her connection to Odin, Sigurd’s connection to Tyr, Basim’s connection to Loki, or anything about the sages or the Isu at all. Not in the base game or in any of the DLCs. She never really acknowledges it explicitly until The Last Chapter. 

Put a pin in that.

Family and community are central to Eivor’s character. Loyalty is central to Eivor’s character. Honor is central to Eivor’s character. That’s why it makes absolutely no sense for Eivor to drop everything, seemingly out of nowhere, to go back to Vinland alone and live out the rest of her days learning from Odin, the part of her that she explicitly rejected at the end of the main game. And it certainly doesn’t justify Eivor deciding to leave Ravensthorpe in the middle of the night without a farewell, regardless of who she supposedly said goodbye to offscreen. It doesn’t justify her completely sudden and out of character decision to walk away from her clan, her family without a true goodbye. Eivor spends the entire base game acting as Jarl in Sigurd’s stead in everything but title, because Sigurd has all but completely abandoned the clan in order to chase his own ambitions, only for Eivor to supposedly do the very same thing? No. It’s completely incongruent with her character and actively contradicts facts that were established in the main game.

There are so many other inconsistencies, including the fact that I highly doubt Valka–the same Valka who we saw warn Eivor against digging too deeply in her visions in the intro to The Forgotten Saga–would simply accept Eivor departing for another continent to delve deeper into her visions. But the way they miswrote Eivor’s character was particularly glaring. There could have been a version of the last chapter in which Eivor's motivations actually made sense, but that version needed so much more evidence for it to be believable. Reading between the lines is one thing, but expecting players to accept the conclusions you’re feeding them without planting any seeds beforehand is just lazy writing. [insert “HE WOULDN’T FUCKING SAY THAT” meme]

The RPG structure is the root of all evil (I know just… hear me out on this)

I think applying an RPG structure to Assassin’s Creed was a mistake, and have thought so for a while, but not really for the reason you’re probably thinking of. The “but we’re reliving another person’s memories in the animus, so how can it possibly make sense to allow us to make choices that affect the narrative?” reason. My criticism of the addition of choices is mainly this: I think that by trying to “expand” the story by adding RPG elements and dialogue options, they instead ended up severely limiting themselves. Because the problem with adding dialogue options to Assassin’s Creed is they can never take those choices to their conclusion. They can never truly have consequences.

Trying to tell a linear story with a non-linear structure like this doesn’t work, or at the very least, it hasn’t worked in Assassin’s Creed thus far. Odyssey came closer, I think, because it had multiple distinct outcomes and player choices actually had an affect on the trajectory of the plot (Mostly. Hi, Legacy of the First Blade. I’m coming for you in a minute.). Odyssey's multiple endings present a different problem entirely in the context of Assassin’s Creed because despite the input of choice, there is still a canon version of the story and a canon ending. It leaves those players that arrived at a different outcome feeling alienated, and like their choices were incorrect or simply didn't matter. 

But in Valhalla, all roads lead to more or less the same destination and most decisions have no impact on the trajectory of the story. The problem that arises from this is that players will make their choices and expect some sort of payoff, as they should. But they won’t really get it. As per Darby McDevitt, for example, Sigurd always goes back to Norway at some point, regardless of whether a player ends up with the “good” or the “bad” ending. Sigurd returning to Norway is a fixed point and the timeline will always course correct, so to speak, to reach that end. 

(Thank you @/vikingnerd793 for the screenshot!)

Everyone gets more or less the same version of The Last Chapter, with the siblings’ interactions only varying slightly after the “bad” ending to reflect the fact that Eivor and Sigurd haven’t seen each other in a while. But even with the tiny variations in dialogue that exist, a few changed lines in a scene that doesn't last any longer than two minutes still fail to make Eivor and Sigurd's supposed off-screen reconciliation feel even remotely earned. Ubisoft wanted to offer “choice” while not following through with emotional payoff for those choices because they only wanted a single ending. Even if a player ends the main game with Sigurd deciding to stay in Norway as a result of Eivor’s “betrayal,” the consequences of that to their relationship are never truly explored.

Having only one ending with no variations in an RPG means that they couldn’t address any of the plot points that could have been affected by player choices. Interpersonal conflicts are watered down or only vaguely referenced. They couldn’t truly address the state of Eivor and Sigurd’s relationship because that would depend on what endgame the player reached. They couldn’t give Randvi an actual goodbye because some people didn’t romance her and therefore it might feel “forced” to those people, despite her being a major character. Vili–despite apparently being Eivor’s best friend–can’t appear because for some people, he’s busy being the Jarl of Snotinghamscire. There is no true emotional follow through for any of the choices made throughout the game. The end result is a goodbye tour consisting of Aelfred, Guthrum, and Harald, three people who Eivor has little to no emotional attachment to, but whose roles in the game are fixed no matter what choices the player makes, which means they’re safe to use. To be clear, Hytham’s role in the narrative is also fixed, but the reason I separate him from the other three is because he is actually emotionally significant to Eivor. His goodbye, unlike the other three, feels earned. 

To be clear, I don’t place the blame entirely on the writers for this because, as I’ve said, they were given a franchise that revolves around linear stories, told to put dialogue options into it, and make sure all those choices still lead to the same conclusion. As an extension of that, they brought back people who worked on the base game two years after its release to tie up loose ends that should have been dealt with years ago. I wouldn't be surprised if those same creators have all since moved on from this story and its characters, both creatively and emotionally. It's been two years. Even longer than that since they actually worked on the game. I wouldn't fault them for not having the same enthusiasm they once did. But the end result is a last chapter that feels almost completely devoid of emotion, and ties up absolutely none of the loose ends that most people would expect from a permanent “goodbye.” It fails to reach the emotional highs and lows that a conclusion with two years of build up should have. 

Which now brings me to Randvi. 

Oh, Randvi, now and forever shackled to her map table. 

I know this will be a hard pill to swallow for a lot of people, but I always suspected that they would never actually follow through on making Randvi and Eivor's relationship canon despite the fact that it is indisputably the most fleshed out romance in the game. They are hinted at right from the beginning, in the form of Randvi’s clear dissatisfaction with her marriage to Sigurd and in Eivor’s lingering gazes. It is the only romance option in the game that has any effect on one of Eivor’s core internal conflicts: remaining loyal to her brother. “The wind calls [her] back to Randvi” after almost every single regional arc, whether players choose to pursue a romance or not.

But Darby McDevitt Official Headcanon or no, I never thought Ubisoft would "force" another romance after the backlash from Odyssey's Legacy of the First Blade (I told you I’d come back to it). I truly believe the company will and has happily suffered criticism from the Queer community for forcing a relationship on gamers who played Kassandra as a lesbian. Kassandra who, prior to the DLC, also never shows any interest in starting a family, or becoming a mother, or “continuing the family line”, as would become Ubisoft’s flimsy correction to the storyline after the criticisms started rolling in. But I highly doubt they would be okay with alienating the bigots who seem to form the loudest portion of their player base. That would be too much of a risk to their bottom line. 

To me, the romance plotline in Legacy of the First Blade was the inevitable result of Ubisoft wanting to tell a linear story with a non-linear structure. I think they did so without thinking through the implications of letting players choose their character's sexuality, only to then backtrack on it later because they needed Kassandra to have a baby. And what they seemed to take away from that was only that all forced romance is bad, without grasping the nuance of why that particular forced romance was so bad. This isn’t to say there should be any forced romance at all but that it should have served as a lesson of why one shouldn’t make a game with so much emphasis on player choice, only to take that choice away and even retroactively nullify those choices when it suits the needs of the plot. But that wasn't Ubisoft's takeaway. So in Valhalla, they pulled back. They made all player choices matter just a little bit less.

Eivor and Randvi’s relationship is inarguably handled with more care than any of the other romances in the game. It is inextricable from the narrative, whether it is a romantic relationship or a friendship. But despite any amount of blatantly obvious subtext that exists, Valhalla is still an RPG and the creators cannot confirm or deny any of the choices as correct or incorrect. And because they have to cater to all possible endings, they cannot address Eivor and Randvi’s relationship in any capacity because it might be misconstrued as being forced. Despite every overt piece of evidence that exists, Valhalla is still technically an RPG and at the end of the day, plenty of people did not choose Randvi. No amount of narrative director headcanons or heavy subtext will change the fact that Randvi is a seemingly meaningless choice in a sea of meaningless choices, and has now remained so permanently.

Ubisoft just really sucks as a company, actually

Everything that I am about to say in this section (and honestly, most of the next one as well) is conjecture because again, I don't know how certain creative decisions were reached behind the scenes. This isn't just about Randvi, or about Eivor's sexuality. It’s also about Ubisoft’s long and storied history of internal misconduct and suppression of marginalized voices. It's about Ubisoft's history of employee abuse in general. It's about the fact that Ubisoft suddenly decided to let players choose their gender, but only once they finally got around to making mainline titles starring women. Syndicate’s Jacob and Evie share the role of protagonist, and would have also shared equal screen time if Evie’s role hadn’t been significantly minimized throughout production in favour of her brother. Aya was originally meant to replace Bayek as the main playable character early on in Origins, but was later reduced to a side character who is only playable in a few missions throughout the game. Aya, the founder of the Hidden Ones. The order that would later evolve into the Assassins. The order that is the namesake of the entire franchise, just to be clear. Odyssey was originally conceived as Kassandra’s game, before the developers were made to allow players the choice to play as Alexios. Every female protagonist in the franchise thus far has been minimized in some way, and Eivor is unfortunately no different. 

Assassin's Creed is a huge enough brand at this point that they could have easily released Odyssey with only Kassandra, and Valhalla with only Eivor. But instead of taking a "risk" and doing just that, they added the male options to cater to a small but vocal minority of misogynistic piss babies who don't want women to exist in their video games, period. At least, certainly not as fully realized characters with personalities and thoughts and feelings of their own. That would require acknowledging women as people, rather than as identical playthings that mostly exist as a social stealth mechanic for them to hide behind when they need a cover. 

It’s especially funny because it was such a futile effort. That very same group of people was never not going to complain about Assassin’s Creed going “woke” for having female protagonists, even if they were optional. Those people were going to complain no matter what, and they absolutely have as evidenced by the fact that they've been having a conniption on Twitter for the past few months now that Eivor is suddenly getting even half of the attention from the marketing team that Havi has gotten for two years. The comments section on every official social media post featuring Eivor is a sea of people complaining about how “female” Eivor being canon makes no sense, how her voice sucks, how she is just the result of Ubisoft pandering to a “woke” demographic. The “fan” response could not be more blatantly misogynistic. What’s more, Ubisoft bases the trajectory of their games at least partially on fan responses. It’s a toxic feedback loop of them making creative decisions built on sexism and the fans responding in turn. 

Ubisoft deciding to implement gender choice as a mechanic didn't happen because they suddenly had a change of heart after happily ignoring their female players for years. It happened because they got busted for the "women don't sell" comments and the company's history of burying sexual assault allegations, and because they finally caught on to the fact that catering to gamers that aren't cishet men might actually be profitable. And it wasn't for lack of trying from the devs within the company because again, Origins was originally conceived as being Aya's game, Evie and Jacob were at the very least supposed to have equal screen time when development on Syndicate was in the early stages, Elise's role in Unity was also reduced... you get the idea.

Letting people choose to play as a woman or letting people choose to play as a Queer person is great. But it's an obvious cop out when your company also has a history of suppressing those very same voices, has done next to nothing to remedy the toxic company culture that encourages that behaviour in the first place, and when you've been dragging your feet as a developer about making your games even just a bit more inclusive for years. It’s an empty gesture when those female characters need to be watered down just enough for their male counterparts to make some amount of sense in the story, and when the marketing for the game hides them away like some kind of shameful secret. 

Suddenly making games starring female protagonists because you’ve realized that it might be profitable, while also making it optional anyway, isn’t exactly the win for representation they seem to think it is. Especially when the marketing favours the non-canon, male protagonists so totally that most people would assume Eivor and Kassandra are skins of their male counterparts. Because heaven forbid the poor baby boys have their escapist fantasy shaken if they have to play as a woman who’s better at getting girls than they are. Making your representation optional makes your representation look half-assed and while I absolutely adore Eivor and Kassandra, I mourn what they could have been if their stories were allowed to be fully theirs. 

Perhaps I’m being overly harsh and Ubisoft simply decided to implement gender choice in Valhalla in good faith. I honestly wouldn’t care if I thought it had, or if AC games had always allowed players to choose their gender. But considering the company’s history, and considering the game’s marketing, I somehow doubt that. Especially when, in their first game featuring a canon male protagonist since before AC pivoted to RPGs, they are not giving players the option to choose their gender. 

Hi Basim. 

Now don’t get me wrong. I obviously understand why Mirage doesn’t allow players to choose their gender; Basim is a pre-existing character, and it really wouldn’t make sense. But it is so transparent that they are willing to jump through narrative hoops to explain why Alexios is playable as the Eagle Bearer, but the same thing can’t be done for Basim. I suppose the importance of coming up with convoluted reasons as to why your protagonist’s gender is so easily changeable fades away when you’re not trying to replace a woman. 

But what’s this? By God it’s–it’s Mirage with a steel chair!

The final content update for Valhalla feels like a teaser for Mirage. Full stop. If you think I'm being too harsh or unfair, then that's your prerogative. But in The Last Chapter, in the long-awaited conclusion to Eivor’s story, we don't even get to play as Eivor. The entire questline (if it can even be considered that much) consists almost entirely of cutscenes, which we view through Basim's perspective while Eivor is relegated to a side character. It’s a collection of Eivor’s memories that are supposedly filtered by emotional intensity, as Basim puts it. Grief, longing, sadness: all emotions that I fail to see being presented in the memories they gave us, at least for the most part. For the first time in Valhalla, we are voyeurs to Eivor’s memories rather than experiencing her life through her own eyes. The role of the animus user in past Assassin’s Creed games has always been pretty unobtrusive, but The Last Chapter constantly reminds us that Basim is there and watching. "Animus magic," as Basim calls it, was less of a necessity to the plot and felt a lot more like Ubisoft's marketing department gone awry. 

I'm thinking about what Basim says at the end of the base game, when he is in the modern day and speaking to Eivor's remains. When he says, "I can take from you anything I want... your memories, your skills, your secrets. They're all mine." It's so ironic because he really stole Eivor's ending right out from under her, and I would have to laugh if it didn’t suck so much. It's all I could think about while I was watching Basim flippantly scrub through some of Eivor's most "emotional" memories which for some reason include… saying goodbye to Guthrum, a character we spend very little time with in the grand scheme of things, and who Eivor has next to no emotional attachment to. I understand the desire to tie up loose ends in terms of the historical events that were happening around this time, and they absolutely should have done all that because Assassin’s Creed has always been, in part, an exploration of history. But it should not have happened at the cost of providing closure for characters who were such significant figures in Eivor’s life.

I thought the Roshan quest was fun and I loved her and Eivor’s dynamic, even if we only got a small glimpse of it. But it was development time that could have been spent on wrapping up Eivor’s narrative instead of making another timeline agnostic add-on stealth mission in a game that has always had notoriously janky stealth mechanics. I look forward to seeing more of Roshan in Mirage and can now rest easy knowing that she is going to survive to the end of that game (although I cannot fathom why they decided to spoil that so early on). But they used what was apparently very limited time to give us a quest, very clearly a nod to Mirage, that does more to promote their next AAA title than serve the narrative of Valhalla.

Using the ending of a game to lead into the next is fine and is to be expected. But that transition should not come at the cost of a resolution for the story you're leaving behind. And really, it seems there was far more thought put into Basim and William Miles' first meeting than how Eivor came to the decision to leave for Vinland. 

I think Basim is an incredibly rich, complex character, and it will be interesting to see what direction they take his prequel. But as someone who has actually been really excited for Mirage, the way they've dealt with this transition between games has left me feeling so conflicted, not least of all because of how quickly Ubisoft dropped the ball on Valhalla as soon as Mirage was announced. I’m not sure I’ll be able to look at everything we will be gaining with Basim in the next game without also feeling bitter about everything we lost with Eivor. It’s not terribly surprising, since Ubisoft has never treated Eivor’s character with any amount of respect; not in the marketing, and not in most of the post-launch content that has come out in the past year. 

The post-launch that launched absolutely nothing

Darby has now said that The Last Chapter is meant as more of a direct follow up to the epilogue of the main campaign, to be played right after Gunnar's wedding. This is why they didn't feel the need to show a goodbye between Eivor and her people; the wedding functions as a sufficient goodbye to the Raven Clan.

But even if that was even remotely satisfying, it doesn't explain when Eivor came to accept her role as a sage, a role that she has yet to understand by the end of the base game, even if she is perhaps beginning to question it at the very least. It doesn't explain why it was never truly addressed in any of the some 100 plus hours of content that have been released for this game since then. It doesn't explain why Eivor and Randvi might finally pursue a relationship, only for Eivor to suddenly pick up and leave for Vinland, alone and permanently. It doesn’t explain why Eivor would leave for distant shores without saying goodbye to Ljufvina, or Vili, or Stowe and Erke, or Broder, or Oswald and Valdis, or Swanburrow, or any of the many other people whose relationships Eivor cherishes throughout the game. 

If anything, The Last Chapter being played immediately after Gunnar's wedding and the rest of the Hamtunscire epilogue makes it even more important for Eivor to say goodbye to her people, because that whole arc only cements Eivor’s devotion to her people, as well as how much her “encounters” with Odin have shaken her faith. Even then, that doesn't even touch on when or why she came to the decision to leave in the first place. 

Due to a “play anytime” approach that Ubisoft–for reasons I cannot even begin to fathom–decided to take with all the post-launch content for this game, all DLCs for Valhalla are exactly that: they can be played at any time. They go to great pains to avoid spoiling story points from the base game, they rarely make references to events from the base game and, perhaps most critically here, they don’t build on any of the plotlines of the base game. 

Remember that pin we stuck in Odin earlier? Hi. He's back.

None of the DLCs released in post-launch–from Wrath of the Druids to The Siege of Paris, to smaller, free additions such as the River Raids–touch on Eivor’s connection to Odin or her understanding of it, or any of the other potential threads left behind by the base game. Other more mythologically inclined entries like the Mastery Challenges, Dawn of Ragnarok, and The Forgotten Saga scratch the surface of it, but never dig deep enough for Eivor to put two and two together. Even in the Odyssey crossover with Kassandra, who has intimate knowledge of the Isu and their artifacts, Eivor remains completely clueless about her role as a sage despite it being the perfect opportunity for her to learn more. 

At no point is Eivor shown to make any wild revelations about her Isu heritage that could justify her decision to leave. There is a gaping hole in the narrative where that development should be, and therefore the jump from “everything else” to “I’m older now, and I want to learn from the god who lives in my head,” is unearned and comes from completely out of nowhere. The DLCs could have remedied this easily by giving us deeper insight into how Eivor interprets her visions, specifically how she interprets her relationship to Odin. They could have dug into how and when she comes to terms with that connection, and the same could be said for how she comes to know about all the other sages, including Harald, who Eivor and Sigurd suddenly seem to know about being the reincarnation of Freyr despite not seeing him in more than a decade and never mentioning it before. But they can’t, because the DLCs are playable at any time, and therefore cannot discuss things the player may not yet understand.

The brevity of this DLC was especially jarring, even as someone who went into this with low expectations. Because after two years worth of updates, including some sizable free ones, I thought that surely Eivor’s conclusion would be considered important enough to receive the time and attention it deserved. After all, Kassandra got her own surprise ending in the form of the Crossover Stories, announced completely out of nowhere two years after the last DLC for Odyssey was released. After all the time and effort and love that clearly went into that crossover, it seemed reasonable enough that the ending for Valhalla, a game that was still being supported, would have the same amount of effort put into it, if not more. Instead we got a barely there wrap-up that lasts maybe 45 minutes at most, if you’re being generous, and fails spectacularly at offering the catharsis that should be a no-brainer in a story where the main character’s death has been a mystery to be unraveled, right from the beginning. 

Eivor is dead. She has been dead for centuries, buried across an ocean from everyone and everything she knew in life. The how and why of Eivor’s burial site is a question that follows us through her entire journey and throughout the entire game. One that was never resolved… until now, with some vague notion about leaving everything she has worked for and everyone she holds dear behind in an attempt to find herself, all with the help of an entity with whom her relationship has been tenuous at best. Eivor decides to banish the part of her that is Odin because she doesn’t like that part of herself. That second soul, the part of her that values personal glory above all else. Even in The Last Chapter, she describes Odin’s memories as “malicious.” So why backtrack so completely? 

I have no idea.

It’s possible the developers weren’t given enough time to give this final chapter the breathing room it needed to make sense. It’s possible they had lost enthusiasm, and just wanted to rip the band-aid off and get this thing over with. It’s possible Ubisoft wanted to cobble together the scraps of a potentially satisfying ending so they could say they did it, before turning all of their attention to their next title. As it stands, I wish they had just left Valhalla alone, with an open ending, instead of providing a non-answer that feels like an afterthought. An incomplete conclusion to a story and a cast of characters that many of us still care so much about, but Ubisoft seemingly gave up on long ago. 

Eivor deserved better. 

The Raven Clan deserved better. 

Valhalla deserved better. 

We, the fans, deserved better.

If you actually read this far then there is a good chance that you also need therapy

This whole affair really reminds me of the last time I felt this profoundly disappointed by a piece of media I loved. It reminds me of how I felt after watching the second season finale of The Mandalorian, when it hit me that the whole season had just been a series of various cameos and fan service moments that only made sense to the plot at a stretch. It hit me that I had just spent the previous eight weeks watching the show runners completely sideline their main characters–Din Djarin and Grogu–and lose the plot in favour of promoting future Star Wars projects. When it seemed like all the good writing in the show previously had been entirely accidental. But the major difference between The Mandalorian and the ending of Valhalla is that I knew there would be another season of The Mandalorian to potentially patch things up and pick up on some of the plot threads that were dropped. For Valhalla, this is it. There is no more content upcoming that will patch this up and, in hindsight, there are plenty of other things added to this game in post launch that I think would have also made me feel the same way I feel right now if I knew they were the last piece of content we’d ever see. 

Am I overthinking this? Perhaps. Am I being melodramatic? Probably. But to me, this ending for Eivor feels like yet another perfect example of what happens when corporate interests are allowed to dictate creative decisions. 

I say all this as someone who has and will continue to defend a lot of Valhalla’s faults, because if writing this whole thing has done anything, it has served to remind me how good the core narrative of the base game really is. It has depth, it has heart, and I hope that other people who enjoyed it as much as I did–and are as disappointed by The Last Chapter as I am–are able to reconcile the beauty of Eivor’s character arc in the main game with the way it was seemingly undone in The Last Chapter. 

I’m trying my very best to not let this ending retroactively take away all the joy I’ve found in this game for the past year. And in spite of how negative this critique has been, writing it has actually really helped me do just that. Because in writing this critique, I was also looking back on Valhalla’s narrative, its highs and lows, its major plot points, and I was re-watching clips. A speed run of Eivor’s greatest hits, if you will. 

I was reminded of why I connected so strongly with Eivor in the first place. I was reminded of her strength, her kindheartedness, her love of children, her wit, the poetry of her dialogue, her sense of duty. I was reminded of her rage, her single mindedness, her sense of loyalty that is often to her own detriment when she offers it to those who don’t deserve it. I was reminded of her character arc from someone who spends so much of her life on a single minded quest for revenge, to someone who becomes a beloved leader to her people. 

I was reminded of the Valhalla sequence at the end of the game, a sequence that still makes me cry just as much now as it did the first time I played it, if not more. When Eivor, who has spent most of her life feeling nothing but resentment and shame toward her dead father, finally learns to understand why he did what he did. When she understands why he laid down his axe, the very same axe she holds now, in the futile hope that his daughter, his wife, and the rest of his people would be spared, only for most of his people to be slaughtered anyway. When Eivor has finally realized, through years of acting as a leader to her people, why Varin did what he did, even in opposition to everything she has ever been taught to value. When she has grown enough to realize that she too would make the exact same choice her father did, her cowardly father, because she too would die in dishonour if it offered even the slightest chance to save her loved ones. When Eivor, who has spent her life trying to justify her existence by being useful, finally accepts that her parents died because they loved her and not because she didn't do enough. When Eivor is holding the very same axe now that her father held then and the High One himself is offering her wisdom and glory and power and she, like her father before her, drops her axe and turns her back and chooses love instead.

That is the version of Eivor I will remember. Not the hastily cobbled together ghost of her that we saw in The Last Chapter.

#this ending and this review is the reason i start therapy next week #like i mean not actually. but the timing lined up pretty perfectly did it not? #the main problem with assassin's creed is that it has potential to explore some really interesting ideas and concepts #but it's also owned by one of the most shit for brains companies i have ever fucking seen #anyway now that i've purged this from my system i will not be thinking about tlc ever again #unless anyone specifically asks #and for shitposting #and writing fix-it #because as we all know my hubris knows no bounds and my track record for finishing things i start is stellarrrrrr /s #assassin's creed #ac valhalla #eivor varinsdóttir #eivor varinsdottir #eivor wolfkissed #ac spoilers #ky posts text #this is a writing tag #ac.txt

[dexabite]

because i'm bored: here's what i think about the characters of ride the cyclone!

ocean o'connell rosenberg:

definitely was a huge snob. in my language, we call those kind of people "maldita" HAHAHAH

she sounds so much like a high school bully that it's hilarious... but also, i feel like she was bullied in elem and was consequently also mean in highschool? idk she gives me that energy

DEFINITELY the kind of person to love legally blonde and mean girls and just projected it onto her persona LMAOO

though she's probably really very much a big softie once she developed at the end of the musical, but still hides it behind her bitchy and rude exterior

she looks like she would take someone's phone and squint whenever someone shows her a meme, like the way a mother would

noel gruber:

mean gay. that's it.

it's canon that whenever he's nervous or uncomfortable, he picks on his nail polish! and i love that! he's just like me fr!

i think the thing he really wanted was just a life outside of his simple one when he was alive... and i think monique gibeau was his drag persona

that said: NOEL DRAG QUEEN AAHHHH

feels like he would be more reserved because he's trying to look normal because of his mom yk, so he probably didn't have many friends outside of the choir (who weren't very close to begin with, judging from the way they talk in the beginning of the musical)

but besides that, he wants to be FLAMBOYANT and FEMININE and i love him

mischa bachinski:

iconic. stole boxes of communion wine for his eight year old cousin because of birthday. im in love with him.

sorry to noel, but he's the REAL most romantic boy in town. nothing compares to the way he sings about talia as if he couldn't live without her. get yourself a man like mischa.

probably loves ridiculous memes. would laugh at them for so long and show everyone in the choir

i think he doesn't actually watch horror movies but watches analysis videos on youtube about them like i do.

when he actually watches horror movies, he squirms around and does all of these weird movements and noises to cope with the fear 😭 not outright scream though, he's too emasculated /j

ricky potts:

he is an oc writer just like me. i love him for that.

was most likely into warrior cats as a kid, obviously marvel comics and star trek too. no way he wasn't.

he mooost likely didn't want to be in the choir in the first place but ocean forced him in it, based off his reaction to ocean trying to get people to like her again after singing about social darwinism 😭

that said, he's just like me fr... using escapism as a coping mechanism for his lonelines... i love you ricky and and your sexy cat ladies from zolar

and actually, i think he's one of the most underrated characters apart from constance which is such a SHAME...

he's so nerdy and JUST LIKE ME FR!!!

i think that before his hands degenerated, he was an artist. not a good one, but enough for people to recognize it!

jane doe:

CREEPYPASTA ENJOYER I CAN SMELL IT OFF OF HER.

creepy... i love her...

and i think that she's really good at crocheting, to add onto the whole doll aesthetic. makes tiny sweaters for ricky's cats, probably made a phone case for constance made out of wool... no matter how inconvenient it was

i think that noel would've painted her nails black too because she deserves it!!!

anyway, her and ricky are the "the bad bitch i got thanks to my autism" meme definitely. going both ways

anyway her actor's voice always sounds like an opera singers it's so impressive! that's why i believe that she can actually sing opera if they ask her to

definitely knows obscure facts about medieval torture and lions... just because!

FOORNICATION UNDER CONSENT OF THE KING!!!!

constance blackwood:

HER SONGS MAKE ME FEEL SO MANY THINGS IT'S CRAZY

the unique lesson of "there's no shame in loving my small town" ...my god you never hear that in musicals EVER

it's always "GET ME OUT OF HERE PLEASE!!!!" not the lesson that's in sugar cloud

that said, god... the fact that she doesn't like being called nice because it means that no one truly got close enough to her to know her for her goofiness... her weird thoughts, and her silly mannerisms and she had no one to vent to </3

hell, even her so called BEST FRIEND is mean to her!!!

but i feel like they'd still be close, despite that yk? best friends always stick together and as ocean develops more i think that they'd get closer until they're literally the only two who knows the other better than themselves

OH and i think that constance would've loved writing fanfic... she just has that kinda energy yk? she and noel would bond over writing and they'd talk about what they write and constance would hesitate because she doesn't want to admit that she writes gay fanfiction on ao3 😭🙏

#rtc #ride the cyclone #rtc musical #ride the cyclone musical #rtc jane doe #rtc constance #rtc mischa #rtc noel #rtc ocean #rtc ricky #i love this musical with all my heart and soul. #rtc hcs #ride the cyclone headcanons #ride the cyclone hcs #rtc headcanons

[robynlilyblack]

Worth the wait

Severus Snape x fem! professor! reader

[Requested – see request here]

Summary: Y/n has been friends with Severus since they were 11, much like him she suffered from a one-sided love but will that change that they are now professors?

Warnings: swearing, kissing, mentions of sex and suggestive themes

A/n: 4.2k words, this is set bit before Harry comes to Hogwarts, non voldy au and the reader is an ex Slytherin. Tamara and Caleb are made up characters. It’s my first time writing for Snape so I hope you like it and let me know how I did x

Tamara’s writing – italics

Caleb’s writing – bold italics

Navigation

You picked up one of the shards of chalk from the pot and began writing the plan for your first lesson whist casually taking bites of the muffin you had quickly swiped from the kitchens earlier. As you wrote you failed to see the body that was standing just inside the door, so when they spoke it startled you, making you break the chalk against the bored

“You misspelled Animagus”

You swivel around eyeing your old friend before turning back to see you indeed spelt it wrong and not only that you also wrote the incantation around the wrong way as well “Bugger” you curse making him let out a small huff of a laugh at you

You pick up the duster and clear the whole board deciding to redo the whole thing but with a spell instead, giggling after you mutter the incantation “There goes trying to add a personal touch” you shrug turning back to him

“You were always a better talker than writer” he notes

“I had to be, have you heard yourself talk? I love you, but your voice is dreadfully boring” you tease crunching up your nose at the end

He rolls his eyes “I was coming to ask if you got breakfast but I see you already stole some” he shakes his head “As per usual”

“It’s technically not stealing anymore, I’m a professor now” you give him a triumphant look as you take a bite

“Hiya Miss” one of the boys from your class strolls in casually but tenses seeing his other professor “Sir” he shakily nods walking quietly over to his desk

Merlin Sev, you’re like their boogieman, you lower your usual ward to let him hear your thoughts to which he gives you a look, almost like he’s proud of how scared the kids are of him before heading to leave “Goodbye Professor Y/l/n” he says formally

“Bye Professor…” Sevy “…Snape” you smile to yourself, you don’t even need to see his face to feel the eye roll “Morning” you turn to greet the boy who seems more like his usual self now Snape has left

He gives you a smile as you take a seat at your desk, observing the rest of the class the pour in looking rather groggy, although it was a Monday morning what did you expect? While you sat pretending to look busy when in reality you were doodling, you let yourself daydream about the man who just left your classroom.

You and Severus had known each other since you were 11, after you just so happened to sit next to each other at the welcome feast in first year. You remembered it well, his miserable face as you were eating dinner, to which you later learned was because he was apart from his current best friend at the time. You hated seeing people sad so at breakfast the next day you sat next to him again and made a little waffle house which managed to make him crack a small smile, from then on out you had joined his and Lily duo becoming an unlikely trio.

Although you were a pureblood you were lucky your parents were quite like the Greengrass’, who taught you not to believe in pure-blooded superiority. As the years passed you grew fond of your best friends, one more than the other, around your 4thyear you developed a crush on him, maybe it was the way his hair had grown out or his growth spurt but your little heart fluttered every time you saw him. Of course, with the flutter came the ache as you watched him tirelessly pine after Lily, the same ache you felt when he gushed to you about how he loved her or cried in your arms when he had lost her to James.

You didn’t mind that she dated James, they made perfect sense together but what you never forgave her for was all those years she led him on. She never had to say it but you knew she was aware of his feelings and fuelled them with every ‘I hate potter’ rant she went on. When he called her a mudblood and left him, you didn’t blame her, in fact you refused to talk to him for almost a month before you finally forgave him, as unlike her you understood the pressure he was under as everyone that wore a green tie did.

As your memories of the man flooded your brain you were brought back to the present by one of your students huffing as they half slammed their bag down as they sat “Ugh I hate him!” she hisses to her friend

You look up with a tilted head “Hate who?” you inquire making her jump and go wide eyed, clearly not thinking you would hear her “Come on, give me the goss it’s been rather dull lately” you say earning small giggles from the class

“Professor Snape just gave me a detention” she huffs as your eyebrows lift, now why doesn’t that surprise me?

“Whatever for?” you question with small smile

“I didn’t even do anything wrong” she complains “I just tripped and hit my funny bone off of the wall and yelp ‘fuck’ in pain”

You start laughing before you remember you are supposed to be professional “Sorry…” you compose yourself “Perhaps I can have a word with him and get you out of that” you throw her a wink to which she smiles before a hand goes up across the room “Yes?”

“Miss, I don’t mean to be rude but how do you work with him, he’s so…” the boy trails off as he tries to word it

“Mean” someone else finishes bluntly

“And scary” another adds

You chuckle “He wasn’t always this grumpy, sadly that trait came with age” you joke rolling your eyes making the students look at you in confusion

“How long have you known him?” one asks

“I was in his year, same house” you explain with a smile

“Wait, you were a Slytherin?” someone asks in complete shock

“Yes” you smirk “Why do I not seem very Slytherin-y” you knew full well you weren’t a typical Slytherin, in fact many would mistake your happy nature for that of a Hufflepuff or your wit for a Gryffindor

“Well you’re just so light and breezy” one answers making the rest of the class nod in agreement

“Yeah you’re like the anti-Snape” that one makes you giggle because it was true, you two were polar opposites yet you worked perfectly

“Plus, you wear a lot of yellow” you turn to look at the boy

“Wear a lot of yellow?” you exclaim, moving your cloak revealing your rather lovey yellow jumper “Where could you have possibly gotten that idea from?” you question with a smirk

The class chuckles before a boy called Caleb speaks up “So what was he like in school?”

“Well he was always a bit doom and gloom but he had his moments” you start smiling “Like one time I managed to convince him to sneak into the kitchens for food or made him throw a dungbomb into the classroom of that bitch of a professor that used to teach Ancient Runes” you shake your head, merlin did you hate that women

The class erupts in laughter before the girl, Tamara, next to Caleb speaks up “You really convinced him to do all that?” she looks at you stunned

“I did bat my eyelashes a bit and give my best puppy eyes…but eventually yeah” you say proudly nodding

“So, were you too ever…you know…more than friends?” Tamara asks hesitantly as the rest of the class leans in

That ache returned as you gave a fake smile to hide the hurt and disappointment which flashed across your face for a mere second “No” you shake your head “We’ve always been friends, nothing more…now” you clap your hands together “Lets teach you troublemakers how to cause more trouble as Animagi”

The sadness in your tone doesn’t go over everyone’s head, Caleb and Tamara pick up on it writing little notes on the margin of the former’s parchment

I think she used to fancy him

You think? Who would want to bone that miserable sod

As you speak you hear a small giggle from Tamara but that was nothing new, her and Caleb were good students so you overlooked the little messages and continued to teach

What if that’s why he’s a miserable sod? He just needs a girl to make him all soft, you heard her she managed to convince him to do all that stuff

We have him tomorrow maybe we could bring her up?

Good plan, hey we are kinda like Emma

Emma?

Like the book Emma from Jane, Tamara sees his confusion crossing it out, never mind she was a matchmaker

Maybe we could match each other up too x

Ew gross

Offence taken doll

The next day Tamara and Caleb take their seats in class getting there early so they can speak with Snape who was currently sitting at his desk waiting for the rest of the class to slowly filter in

“Sir” Caleb gains his attention

Snape sighs closing his eyes “Yes?” he replies not bothering to look up

“Did you know Miss Y/l/n while you were at school?” he asks watching his professors expressionless face closely, both he and Tamara noting the small upwards twitch of his lips when your name is said

“Yes, we were in the same year” he says plainly

“She told us she was a Slytherin but that doesn’t really make sense” Tamara speaks up, her words making the man glance up at her for a mere second

“She was in Slytherin. I’m sure if you both did your research you would know people are put into houses for the qualities they have and/or values they accept, not their personalities” he says shortly

“So what values does Miss Y/l/n possess that makes her Slytherin instead of say…a Hufflepuff like us?” the boy asks trying his best to claw any kind of emotion from this stone of a man

Snape took a deep breath, if he was being honest even he had doubted why you were in Slytherin to start, hell even Dumbledore had forgotten when he met you again for your interview “Miss Y/l/n is… intelligent, can read people rather well” or a bullshit detector as she would call it “and she’s very determined when he puts her mind to something she will always succeed”

The young duo listen intently, noticing his usual monotone voice is a little lighter than before, as well as the corners of his lips turning up as he spoke about you, as he finishes he returns to his cold exterior once more “Enough questions, if you asked these many questions in class many both of you would actually pass”

The two students nod quickly, taking the rather direct hint allowing him to go back to his writing, while he mindlessly grades papers letting his body go into autopilot his mind wanders. When he first saw you, it was at the welcome feast in his first year whilst he was rather upset he still remembered you cheering him up the next day. He always liked that you never prodded or forced him to say why he was so sad that night, the reason of course was Lily, it wasn’t that she shouldn’t have been in Gryffindor, or that there was anything wrong with it, but it was the fear that the house difference would eventually tear them apart

He remembered your happy expression as you tried to introduce yourself, you seemed too light to be in Slytherin, it was like there was no darkness in your heart at all. This was proved right time and time again, you were one of the few people that could actually make him crack a smile and fewer who could make him laugh out loud. As time went on his feelings for Lily kept growing, she was his first love, the love he wanted returned more than anything, he would have done anything to have her. As for you, he trusted you most, you were a constant that made him feel safe and if he was being honest with himself, you were his best friend.

He didn’t blame you for not talking to him after he slashed out at Lily, nor did he blame her after he had calmed down, he just was so embarrassed after James had embarrassed him publicly, in front of her for the umpteenth time. He was miserable for that month you didn’t talk to him, so much he took Barty and Evan up on their offer to drink his sorrows one night, which was how he stumbled his way up to your dorm and begged for you to be his friend again. Back then his drunken self was adamant on going to you and only you, the redhead never crossing his mind in that moment, of course he never worked out why that was until he was much older.

You, much to his delight, forgave him but not before you gave him a good telling. During those years he knew now he didn’t appreciate you enough, nor did he treat you the way you deserved. It wasn’t until after Hogwarts he ran into someone from school who asked if you and he were still together, apparently everyone, even Lily and James, thought you both were an item at one point. The conversation made him final see it, every fake smile, every twinge of disappointment, every little glint of heartbreak in your eye, and how he had broken your heart over and over again

He knew missed his chance with you, too busy pinning hopelessly after another to see you were there and so much better for him that Lily ever was. She brought out his obsessive, jealous, darker side while you made him feel safe, light and sure of himself. You both still kept in touch after Hogwarts but through letters as you decided to travel for a bit and during those years apart he missed you dearly. Eventually he did reconcile with Lily, even becoming Godfather to her second child.

He was offered the position as potions master a few years before you took the job as McGonagall’s teaching assistance and then offered a full-time position. When he saw you again you were all grown up, yet personality wise you were exactly the same and his stomach filled with the familiar butterflies he used to feel around Lily accept these were much stronger. He was sure your crush was long gone by now and he thought maybe his would dissipate with time however he was wrong, as the crush faded away it turned into something else, love but a pure untainted one this time

As his mind returned to the class room and he began the lesson, two makeshift matchmakers were scheming

He likes her, you saw this face that’s the first time I’ve seen him show a positive emotion

Okay now we know she fancies him and he fancies her so we need to get them together, they sit in thought for a minute, any ideas?

None, you?

Not one, lets meet tonight and think x

Okay but this isn’t a date

Of course doll, call it anything you want ©

You’re an arse

Love you t       , Tamara pulls the parchment away from him and shoves it in her bag

Over the next weeks you and Severus kept running into each other more often, both called to the some disaster or emergency that was 9 times out of 10 not even happening, once you both ended up locked in the store room together. Tamara and Caleb were running out of ideas, clearly their idea to make you spend more time together alone wasn’t working. Neither one of you was going to confess this way and with Snape’s ability to use non-verbal magic and their locking skills rather obsolete, they couldn’t lock you in a room long enough. They were going to have to think of something big and that something big happened to be a little bit of paper

You sauntered into Severus’ classroom, his last class of the day had ended so you decided to annoy him until it was time for dinner. Walking up and around his desk you hopped onto it, patiently waiting for him to finish the paper he was grading. He didn’t need to look up to know it was you, besides he’d recognise your perfume anywhere. He quickly finished what he was writing, placing his quill carefully to the side before he looked up at you, you were smiling away as you absentmindedly looked over all of the potions displayed on the wall.

His class room was always very dark and dingy, but the light reflected off of the glass vials and your presence brought life into it. You looked pretty like that, little crinkles at your eyes as your let your legs swing almost childlike from his desk, he couldn’t help but smile a little.

Almost feeling his eyes, you turn your head and look down at him happily “Done?” you ask

“Almost” he sits back in his chair, back achy from grading terrible papers for the last few hours whilst the class had private study for their upcoming exams

You nod “How about you take a break for a bit, it’s almost dinner anyway” you convince him but little did you know he’d probably do anything you said, within reason of course, if you asked him to kill someone he’d question it a bit first, it’s you though, you’d most likely have a good reason to commit murder

What are you thinking about Sevy? You leave your thoughts open and unguarded

Snape let out a small laugh, he had taught you how to shield your thoughts from legilimens like him, and much like a lot of things you used it for comedic purposes, like the times you would think funny things or images to make him laugh in class which you still did now as professor but at teacher meetings instead, but you also used it for general conversation like this or to check on him from afar

“I’m thinking you’re right” he stands up, closing his eyes as he stretches missing the way. your eyes trail over him before returning to his face as he reopens them “Would you like to…” he stops spotting something on the floor

Your eyebrows knit together “What is it?” you ask watching curiously as he walking over and picks up a fallen piece of parchment

Snape huffs as he picks it up, unfolding it as he expects this must he someone’s notes or homework but is greeted with yes notes from his class but also a conversation in the margin

You really think she still fancies him?

Miss Y/l/n?

Yeah duh

You heard her when she was talking about him in class it’s obvious

You think he likes her?

Maybe?

We should ask her more tomorrow she seemed to cut the conversation short and get a bit upset when we asked if they were a couple

You watched his mouth part in shock as he read it and you could swear you could see an actual dusting of blush on his cheeks “What’s so interesting?” you ask startling him out of his daze “Come on what’s the gossip?” you hop off of the desk and walk up to him attempting to grab the parchment but he rips it away folding it “Hey!”

“Umm” he tries to find the words “It’s nothing of interest just some…” he pauses thinking of something “…inappropriate drawings”

You tilt you head starting to laugh at your friend’s embarrassment “Well now you have to show me” you look at him with an amused smile “Come on, gimmie” you make grabby hands at the piece of paper

Your words barley register, mind too busy running around with the fantasy of you and him together, a fantasy until now he hadn’t let himself hope could become reality. Could you really still like him, even love him after all this time?

“Sev?” he turns back to look at you who still has their hand out waiting for him to give it over but now as a concerned pout “I swear if they’ve said anything bad about you I’ll dye their robes pink, they’ll never know it was me” you put your hands up defensively as you try to make him laugh to which you succeed

He places the piece of paper down on the desk behind him before turning back to you with a look you had never seen before. His eyes filled with something you’d only ever imagined in your head, Sev? You think but he moves a little closer making you back up until you hit the desk behind you. Letting out a gasp as your hands reach back to grip the edge of the table, watching your friend closely, what are you doing?

His body is barley inches from yours as he looks down at you looking up at him confused yet with soft eyes “Something I should have done a very long time ago” he leans forward a little

You gulp a little as he edges closer, are we going to…, you think as your noses are mere millimetres from touching

“Yes” he breaths out as he captures your lips, it’s gentle, tender at first before you begin to melt into him, as you do his hands find their way over yours as he deepens the kiss

After a few mind-blowing seconds your kiss is interrupted by the sound of a door hitting the wall making Severus step away from you quickly, chest heaving a he tries to compose himself, turning away to walk back to his desk letting you deal with it.

You turn to two familiar students, letting out a chuckle as you see Tamara hitting Caleb as he must have been the one to cause the small ruckus “Can I help you?” you say with a smile plastered on your face living off of the high that the love of your life just kissed you

“Sorry Miss…we…” Caleb seems to struggle to find a good excuse to Tamara steps up to his rescue

“I left some of my notes here” she explains

You nod, eyeing Severus who has his head down pretending to work before walking over to the table and picking up the parchment holding it up “This it?” the girl nods as you unfold it quickly scanning the contents before you approach and hand it over “Thank you” you whisper to both of them making them grin “But please keep this to yourself until we tell Professor Dumbledore” you ask

“Yes miss” “Of course” they reply quickly taking their leave and looking rather proud of themselves before Caleb attempts to slip his hand into her which causing her to swat it away playfully before actually taking it

You close the door to the classroom, letting out a small giggle as you turn back to Severus who has finally looked up, his bright red cheeks slowly fading. You head back to the desk, standing in front of his chair as he swivels it out and around to look at you, watching with furrowed eyebrows as you take your wand out and mutter spell on the door to lock it

“What are you doing” he tilts his head, corners of his lips turning up as he the mischief in your eye

“Something I’ve been dreaming of doing for a long time …and…” you glide your fingers over the edge of his desk while swaying noticing his eyes scanning over your motions “…something I may have fantasized about the moment I saw you behind this desk for the first time” you confess, tugging your lip between your teeth

“And what would that be?” he eyes you

“This” you say shortly as you plop yourself on his lap, legs straddling his own

You giggle at his eyes going comically wide for a moment before his hands go to steady your hips as your own settle on his chest playing with the edge of his robes “You could take me on a date first” he jests making you make a false shocked expression

“Professor Snape! I am a classy girl get those dirty thoughts out of your…mhm” your cut off by one of his hands leaving your hip to pull your jaw in for a kiss

As you pull apart you see him grinning “I like this” he notes

“I should hope so” you mutter pouting

“Of course I like this” he squeezes your hips “I meant I like that I finally have a way to shut you up”

“You little…mhm” he cuts you off with a kiss making you pull back “Hey you can’t just…” he does it again “…kiss me…” and again “…to shut me…” yet again “…fuck it” you concede letting your hands glide up into his hair as his pull you closer by the waist

After a few minutes you break away to catch your breaths, I’ve loved you since we were 15, you confess taking one of his hands off your hip and clasping your own around it, looking down at them as you rub little circles with your thumbs

He smiles as his heart flutters using his free hand to tilt your head back up as he leans you’re his forehead against yours, I love you too, more than you could ever imagine, and I’m sorry for taking so long to realise you were always the one for me, always

You smile brightly as you hear his words in your mind, words you had been dreaming about hearing for so long, nudging your nose with his as your reply, you were always worth the wait, always, he smiles nudging his own nose with yours before capturing your lips once more

#severus snape x reader #severus snape and reader #severus snape x y/n #severus snape x you #severus snape and you #severus x you #severus x reader #severus snape #professor reader #slytherin reader #snape fluff #reader insert #harry potter fanfiction #snape and reader #snape and you

[lemonhemlock]

i am way too late for any of this, but i felt like ranting a little (a lot) over tma, so here it goes.

i actually really, really liked the dreamlike quality of the S5 statements. i think they're some of jonny's best work. so evocative and just beautifully written, the feeling of horror so prevalent, so delicate, so entrapping. i would listen to them absolutely enthralled. what a submersive experience. so on that front, 100% would recommend.

the problems i have are mainly with the meta-plot. certainly, personal preferences and biases come into play here, bc i despise jonmartin with the fire of a thousand suns and would have loved a jonelias corruption narrative, but, i feel that, in his quest to appease the j-mart shippers, jonny sacrificed a lot of his story's integrity. also, i have no way of verifying this, but it also felt like he inserted his own biases in a way that wasn't necessarily productive.

ultimately, i feel like he disrespected his main antagonists and that essentially translated into a sort of irreverence towards his own story. elias was easily his most dramatic and interesting villain (regardless of what he originally intended for him, it's how he developed throughout the story & i think there is a certain honesty in a writer acknowledging and respecting that), stole every scene he was in, yet after his great villain reveal in S4, he is absolutely absent throughout his entire apocalypse. it creates a lack of catharsis that i find bothersome. his death is way too easy. yet when he finally appears in MAG 193, it is glorious. he is terrifyingly in the throws of religious ecstasy as the eye's pupil. such an interesting idea! so little it was developed though bc jonny for some reason doesn't like elias.

there's this entire commentary about how elias is really just there to be eye's pupil until jon takes over from him, bc it's jon the eye truly desires. as if after faithfully serving the beholding for two centuries and bringing about his ritual, the eye would just disregard elias and actually be interested in the one person who is unwilling to play ball. please be serious. not saying that jon can't be the eye's "special little boy" or whatever, but the nerfing of elias/jonah borderlines on petulant. ofc, jonny is the author and you cannot begrudge a man for writing whatever he wants, but, as a listener, i have to say it feels very unsatisfying whenever authorial biases directly affect the storyline. very deus-ex-machina. very unearned.

i also have a problem with how the eye was ultimately handled and, once again, nerfed. the introduction of this element in relation to the beholding, that it sees but does not understand, felt very trite to me. it was added as a way to de-power the eye and elevate the web. but how could it even be true in the context of the entity conceptualization? the reason scopophobia is a thing is because people fear someone is behind the watching. what they fear is judgment or someone keeping tabs on them and using that information to harm them in some way. that requires intelligence, a capacity to distinguish between the harmless and the incriminatory, a propensity for casting moral judgment, of holding people accountable, of assigning blame, of discovering people's deepest, darkest secrets, of weaponizing shame. no one is afraid of a crow or a cat staring back at them, because, while those are also living beings, they lack the higher intelligence that creates the context necessary for scopophobia. so how can the eye not possess intelligence? apparently it doesn't, because jonny decided he didn't like the eye and the spider was oh-so-cooler instead.

but that only lead to the spider being way too overpowered than it should have been. as the so-called brain of the operation, the web really manifests a lot of faults that could have been exploited, yet the character never do, because the web needs to be true It Girl for some reason. this all feels very childish. the web's motivations do not work in-universe. we are often told it doesn't have a ritual because it is content with playing its games of manipulation within the world as it currently is. and that honestly seemed a rather fair assessment to make, but later proved to be a red herring, because it was the web that was actually behind the eye's own ritual.

i have several gripes with this. 1. if the spider is so smart, why doesn't it/can't it have its own ritual and re-shape the world according to its own preferences? why does it have to piggyback on the eye's grind? 2. the spider's big plan seems to be bringing about the eyepocalypse just to convince the characters to let the fears out into the metaverse so it can start again. because, as it turns out, the eyepocalypse isn't really it's preferred state of being? it was the status-quo after all? the web DID prefer the world as it was, because it allowed it to thrive off manipulation and puppeteering, things it can't really engage in as much as it would like, since now everyone is trapped inside various fear domains. so, why-oh-why, not just leave the world as is? why even bring about an apocalypse in the first place if your intention is to always inhabit a apocalypse-less place?

i felt like this was such a plot-hole of an explanation the way it was presented. the web's greatest flaw was that it loved intricate plots so much there was a real danger of over-complicating its own plans and failing to see the forest from the trees, so to speak. the eye could have been used not to boggle down on meaningless details and ramifications, but to get a better sense of the bigger picture, something the web could very well lose sight of (pun intended). so the web's "plan" could have been ultimately rendered meaningless, because instead of choosing the simplistic, straightforward, occam's razor solution (no apocalypse, just thrive off the world as it is), it chose the overly complicated path that placed it in a situation it didn't thrive in (eyepocalypse) and made it even more complicated to get out of in the first place. it basically surrendered its destiny into the hands of people who had zero reasons to act sympathetic and could have very well chosen to destroy the entire world, fears included. and yet i am supposed to be in awe of the web's great intelligence and buy into the whole dumb eye propaganda?

many things have already been said about the moral dilemma at the end of S5 and my take on that is that jon was right. it was the merciful and just solution to prevent other people from other universes from suffering at the hands of fear entities. but i will be indulgent and account that it is a difficult choice to make for anyone, since human beings are so survivalist in nature and the choice to just make the fears someone else's problem in the hopes of their plans maybe getting foiled more effectively by others is tantalizing. who knows what any of us would have chosen had we been in their situation? perpetuating the horrors on someone else just so you could get reprieve is so cravenly but it's human and i get it. however, by no means is this a happy ending the way it was framed by the narrative. what melanie, georgie, basira and martin did was horrible and evil, but it is never acknowledged in that way. the least jonny could have done is have jon resist martin's selfish decision and have martin genuinely kill him. but, no, martin gets his romantic send-off together with jon, with the open possibility that they get transported to another world where they could start over. melanie, georgie and basira get to start a new life in the entity-less world, after contributing almost nothing. the worst characters get to live & they're validated in their awful behaviour.

however. i do feel like there were other ways to resolve the eyepocalypse without resorting to a horrible sophie's choice in the first place, but that would require a more extensive endgame re-write.

#i also think that the ending was peddled like a tragedy just bc jon & martin didn't live #but imo the ending was pretty horror-like to begin with #the fears escape into the multi-verse and get to terrorize a new set of people! #also if you ask me the fact that melanie/georgie/basira live is a tragedy in and of itself #but ofc the narrative frames it as a good thing #the magnus archives #elias bourchard #the archivist #anti jonmartin #jonelias #putting this in the tag bc that would have been the superior plot line #the beholding #the eye #here i am running my mouth off again #tma critical #magnus critical

[sixofcrowdaydreams]

Shadow and Bone: A Long Form Story in A Short Story Medium

One of the reasons the cancellation of Shadow and Bone hurt so much was because we spent two seasons properly developing the characters -- especially the Crows -- waiting for plot and character development that never had the time to pay off.

The writers wrote the show as if they would have time to introduce the characters and let them grow across multiple episodes and seasons. A smidge of characterization here. Plot. A dash of development there... They were telling a long form story, you know, as expected in television. And the reality is that streaming platforms in their limited episode number and even more restrictive number of seasons does not allow for slow but progressive story telling anymore.

Streaming story telling is short and concise. It demands self contained short stories and caps character growth to a single season, if not a single episode.

That's why it hurts so much that we never saw the six Crows together. Two seasons of establishing character, slowly but steadily setting up the plot, building toward the Ice Court Heist and subsequent events of Crooked Kingdom would be expected in a "normal TV series." But the mentality of streaming services is that if it doesn't happen in a single episode or season, then it won't happen at all.

Think of all the things in Shadow and Bone that were hinted but not directly addressed. Kaz stealing Jan Van Eck's DeKappel painting. Inej getting a lead on the name of the slavers that stole her from her family. Jesper's gambling addiction. Wylan's inability to read, but still being well educated. Matthias' affection for wolves and the importance of his ash tree. Nina defecting from Ravka.

All of these would have been addressed later if given the time.

Now think of all of the things that were hinted at and then the show came back and properly addressed within two seasons. Kaz's backstory, his gloves and haphephobia. Inej's indenture to the Menagerie and her desire for freedom not only for herself, but for other indentures. Jesper happily sharing a bed with a pretty face only to wind up in a stable relationship with a former one night stand. These story beats paid off because their progression felt natural. Earned. Elements were introduced and built upon.

Now imagine what could have been. Established big eater Nina refusing food as she recovers from parem. Former grisha hunter Matthias protecting Jesper and Kuwei, two grisha. Kaz removing his gloves and emotional armor for Inej. Jesper's carefree facade a mask to cover his personal pain and gambling addiction. Wylan's merchling identity revealed. Heck, let's take it a step farther and imagine the scared, hunched shoulders, trying to shrink himself as much as physically possible Wylan we first meet in season 2 bravely standing in front of his father and the merchant council to "read" a transfer of property document. The groundwork laid seasons 1 and 2 would have established these significant moments in order to give them the full weight and authority the deserved.

When fans mention scenes or dialog from the books that were bastardized in the show, like the Kanej bathroom scene taking place at Black Veil only to be interrupted by Nina, I'm not angry that scene wasn't a perfect replica of the scene from the book. Why? Because we were also supposed to get that perfect bathroom scene adaption one day and compare it to the earlier version to show character growth. Kaz unable to take his gloves off at Black Veil to help Inej tend her wounds to THE BATHROM SCENE where he takes off his gloves, bandages her, and kisses her neck.

Imagine the impact of Jesper casually telling Wylan, "I kinda like your face," to one day yelling, "I liked your stupid face," in anguish when Wylan takes Kuwei's appearance. These build ups were happening, they just needed more time.

The problem of Shadow and Bone being canceled was that the writers were creating a long form story in a medium of short story streaming. The two were never compatible, but that's not the writers, producers, or showrunner's fault. They were telling a story and attempting to do it well, not take shortcuts and cheat via dialog exposition. If given the chance, I think the writers and everyone involved in the show would have given the Crows characters more space to breathe, to simple be characters instead of rushing from plot point to plot point. After all, they filmed the deleted scenes of Jesper's and Inej's goodbye as well Jesper offering Wylan a key and moving in together. These moments were cut for plot pacing reasons, not character development reasons.

Netflix and streaming services are the problem because they have destroyed TV's long form story telling by demanding breakneck pacing, limited seasons and episodes to tell a story. Shadow and Bone's Crows were unfortunately a casualty of it.

#six of crows #shadow and bone #save shadow and bone #netflix

[onedismay]

Mass Effect Tag Game

Stole this thing from @messydiabolical. :)c Anyone is welcome to steal it from me as well!

-

I am a fan since: Forgot what year it was but I remember ME2 had already been out for a while before I bought ME1. But I caught up quickly and got to experience the release of the Arrival DLC in real time. :D

Favourite game of the series?: It's hard to pick between 1 and 2, but I'll say 2 because the concept of loyalty missions is MY JAM. Also ME2 is my favorite graphics-wise, it's got that high contrast I love so much. (hate the simplified skill trees though)

MShep or FShep?: Most of my Sheps are fSheps because the character creator for mSheps isn't versatile enough for me. :( Where's the long hair! Let me look impractical!

Earthborn, Colonist or Spacer?: I might slightly prefer Earthborn. I enjoy playing characters who've had a rough start in life and made some bad decisions, but grew up to become decent people anyway.

Biotics or Tech: Can't pick, I like variety!

Paragon or Renegade: peace for everybody in the galaxy :') But I reeeaally love the Renegade eyes so I do have some mean Sheps as well.

Favourite Class: I used to main the Infiltrator class but in my most recent run I really enjoyed the Adept. Hard to pick a favorite but I do know my favorite class is NOT the Sentinel, it always feels clunky to me somehow.

Favourite Companion: Tali or Javik. Kaidan and Thane are nearby too. Tali's character development feels very natural and wonderful to me on every playthrough and I always love to see it. Javik is a fave because he's haunted and completely alone and that combo always hooks me like, I MUST see to it that this sad man has at least one nice thing in his life.

Least favourite Companion: It's the writers' fault but Liara. It gets really old when the same companion treats you like her love interest in all 3 games no matter what. I haaaate forced hugs in roleplaying games, don't put me through that, it'll ruin the character for me.

My squad selection: In my most recent playthrough it was unsurprisingly Javik and Tali. But I also ran with Vega quite often in the early game and I kinda missed him in the end game, haha.

Favourite In-game romance: Kaidan, especially with mShep because I really enjoy a slow burn of several years. 🔥

Other pairings I like: I am motioning at my blog and presenting to you Tazzik and the Shadow Broker...... no i don't have anything else to offer at this time

Favourite NPC: I like all these shady-ass salarians like Anoleis and Jaroth and Maelon and Linron (yes) (no i'm not defending her, i just find mean characters interesting sometimes) and Chorban and probably others. Valern isn't all that shady but still a fave. Charn! And Balak, I always look forward to finding out how my Shepard reacts to him. Zaal'Koris vas Qwib-Qwib I always loved you and I knew you were the best admiral before ME3 ever happened

Favourite Antagonist: the Shadow Broker, I was so into the mystery in ME1 and man I was not disappointed when we got the reveal. I would have loved to learn more about his early life.

Favourite Mission: ME2's Suicide Mission because I lovvve how it's a culmination of all your previous actions. It felt really scary and chaotic on my first playthrough and like anything could happen. Now I know all the mechanics so nothing surprises me, but I still look forward to seeing every little detail play out.

Favourite Loyalty Mission: Tali. Also Mordin. And Samara, ugghhh I love Omega and I love playing bait uwu

Favourite DLC: Hmmm I love about half of LotSB very much but I might like Bring Down the Sky more as a whole? The mood is great, it's not super long, and nothing about it annoys me. :D I've only played the Leviathan DLC once so far so I'm not confident enough to call it a fave yet but I liked it a lot, too.

Control, Synthesis or Destroy: I just wanted an ending where we finally talk the Reapers down and they go "yeah u right actually, let's not fight anymore. :( handshake?". All this star child borderline magic stuff is kinda goofy to me. I've picked Destroy almost every time tho.

Favourite Weapon: Recently enjoyed the Blood Pack Executioner... Historically I've probably used the Widow the most. Also I LOVE the way the Revenant looks but I can't stand using it myself lmao. My hand hurts just thinking about it.

Favourite Place: nnnoooo there's so many good places. I adore the Shadow Broker's ship, first of all. Such a cool concept. Noveria for the snow and miserable people. Feels like home. I loved visiting the Migrant Fleet! But my absolute favorite place is probably Omega because it's so rough yet there's still a weird sense of community.

A quote I like: The first that came to mind is "I have a home." Idk, I don't really remember quotes unless they're repeated over and over and by that point I start hating them.

#mass effect

[spermwhalescantcum]

random Dream SMP fanfics that I have read

These big blobs of texts are just descriptions of the fics. None of this are works by me, credits to their original writer. ( also, idk what happened to the format, just live with it)

🩵Passerine ✅ 100/10 (blujamas, thcscus(bluejamas) )   - SBI, Royal AU, Cannon character death, god AU, Dream Antagonist, Wilbur Centric, Family AU, SO MUCH PLOT

 “I understand. You heard the place you loved was in trouble, so you came back, but I don’t—I just—why didn’t you take me?” Here it was, at last. Catharsis, or something close to it. “I would have hunted them down with you, Philza, the people who did that to your town. I would have given you your vengeance on a silver platter. I would have given you the world.”

Philza didn’t look guilty. He just looked tired. “I didn’t hunt them down, though.”

//

Or, that fic where Techno and Phil are old immortals, and Tommy and Wilbur are decidedly... not.

This fic is a must read and an all-time classic in the Dream SMP fandom. It is not bold to say this is one of the best fanfiction that you will find on ao3. 

Shrike  ✅ 9/10  (blujamas, thcscus(bluejamas) ) -  Passerine pre-sequel, God AU, Royal AU, Dream Antagonist, Dream team, Georgenotfound Centric, SO MUCH PLOT

“You know, you might be the only thing alive that knows my name. I don’t know how long I’ve been sleeping, but it must have been long enough for people to have forgotten.” The stag finished the last of the berries and stared at George wonderingly. George chuckled, plucked another handful to offer to it, and continued, “I’d gone to sleep tired. And I wake up tired. Tell me, do you think that’s fair?”

The stag, because it was a stag, did not reply.

But George didn’t mind that, either.

//

Or, that fic about passerine!Dream Team, but before passerine.

This fic is good though in my opinion not as good as Passerine. The primary plot in the story is centred around more emotional than physical problems I would say. This can be read anytime, either before or after Passerine, but I recommend reading it after so things can make a bit more sense. 

The world forgetting by the world forgot🟡 8/10 (bonesandthebees) - SBI, Dream Antagonist, Hero/villain AU, Tommy Centric, Adoption AU , Bench Trio, Magic AU

“Something has been stolen from us,” Thanatos said, his wings puffing up as he spoke. “Something that is very important to us. And we are fairly certain that the person who stole this thing of ours is in this very crowd.”

Dream tensed beside Tommy as the crowd broke out into murmurs. Eyes were darting towards the different heroes in the crowd, the benefactors no doubt assuming that the culprit had to be a hero.

“Like we said, we haven’t crashed your party to cause trouble. But we want this thing returned to us, and we won’t hesitate to take extreme measures to get what we want.”

or, Tommy was a lot of things: a newly debuted hero sidekick, an amnesiac, and a former kidnapping victim of the Syndicate.

Tommy didn't actually remember that last one though. That was just what Dream told him.

Only weeks after his hero debut, the Syndicate announces they are searching for something, and Tommy knows it has to be him. The scariest part? If they find him, Tommy will have no clue what to expect, because the Syndicate might know him, but he has no memories of them.

So he can't let them find him. No matter what.

Of course they end up finding him anyway.

This fic has a great character development for Tommy in my opinion, from denial and all. This is one of the Hero/Villian AUs that is different from the other. 

🩵One Day I met a God ( Turns Out, He’s an Idiot )🟡 11/10 ( Sunshine_3)  - SBI, Tommy centric, God AU, Temporary Main Character Death, Minor plot, Adoption AU 

Every year, the Tournament of the Gods is held to determine who is worthy to gain the favour of the universe's deities.

This year, Tommy is determined to win, to be the youngest person ever to claim a victory.

Not because he wants to be blessed or anything. He just thinks it's funny.

--------

An AU in which Tommy Innit is just a mortal vibin' and doing his thing and the rest of SBI are gods who have claimed him as their favourite.

Series

This fic is one of my favourite, there is fluff and plot balanced out and is very fast paced if you just can't handle 50 chapters of build up like me. This is highly recommended 

🩵Reborn, Relive, Repeat ✅ 11/10  ( Aria_Cinabun) - Phoenix/avian AU, SBI, Dream Antagonist, Tommy Centric , Adoption AU , Bench Trio, SO MUCH PLOT

There once was an empire built on prosperity and promises of a better future.

There once was a young prince, wingless yet, who stared out the window of his room and willed the world to go in his favour.

There once were two brothers and a father who despaired in the death of their youngest.

There once was a young boy, and in his bloodline lay that of the Phoenix - and when he gained his wings, they burned with the same fire that shrivelled in his heart as he lay in his cell, listening to the captors who lay on the other side of the thin bars.

There once was a grown-up prince, a kid no longer, whose fire was long burnt out, whose hope had long vanished with that of his kin. Who sat in his cell and listened to Death’s calls as his feathers turned to dust around him.

There once was another boy, another prince - another half.

There once was a tattoo of a bee that shone golden on his wrist and dreams of laughter that rung in his ears of people long forgotten. This is his tale.

🩵Of Wilder Things ❌ 11/10 ( itsultraviolet) -Fae/Fairies AU, SBI , Phil Centric, Fluff, Minor plot , Adoption AU 

There are a million and one deadly things living in the woods outside of Phil’s door.

Some of them are poisonous. Some of them have wickedly sharp claws. Some of them have hooves made for trampling or mouths full of teeth made for ripping.

Most of them are magic. Most of them can kill him without sparing a second thought.

But that has never stopped Phil.

Or: Phil the human and his chaotic fae family

His Curse of Binding ✅ 8/10 ( orphan_account) - God AU, Tommy Centric, SBI, Fluff, Reincarnation AU, Greek Mythology AU, Temporary Main Character Death, Adoption AU 

Tommy had lived and died as Theseus, Icarus, Orpheus and Sisyphus. But all he wanted to be was free.

In which Tommy Soot, originally born in 1509, is cursed to be reborn, to never reach adulthood unless he figured out the Greek myth of his lifetime. He had one rule of not allowing himself to get attached to people but he would have never guessed that a foster family of the creator of Minecraft, an anime stan and a Soundcloud musician would break that rule.

~ SBI Foster AU but with Greek mythology.

🩵Tommyinnit’s clinic for supervillain ✅ 11/10 (bonesandthebees) - SBI, Dream Antagonist, Hero/villain/vigilante AU, Tommy Centric, Family Fluff, Adoption AU , Bench Trio, Hybrid AU

“W-What do you- I mean can I- are you here to rob us?” The person managed to stammer out.

Siren snorted. “No. I’m just here to order some food.”

“Wh-What about him?” The cashier asked, glancing at Tommy. “Did you- did you kidnap him?”

“I mean… yeah, let’s go with that in case this ends up on the news,” Siren shrugged, looking back at Tommy. “I kidnapped you, right?”

“Yeah, sure,” Tommy agreed, knowing that if they said he was kidnapped, it would keep people from getting suspicious of why he was seen in public with Siren. “Anyway, can I get the chicken nuggets happy meal, with a coke?”

or, how Tommy—who is not a hero, or a villain, or even a vigilante—saves the life of one of L'Manberg's most feared supervillains, and accidentally ends up becoming the resident doctor for every supervillain in town (and maybe gets a family along the way too).

Tommyinnt’s unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death  🟡 8/10  ( eneliii)  - SBI, Dream Antagonist, Hero/villain/vigilante AU, Tommy Centric, Family Fluff, Adoption AU , Bench Trio, Hybrid AU, everything is a dream, tragedy, sad ending

“I uh,” Tommy starts, not knowing how to break this to the hero lightly. He hates to be the bearer of bad news. “I think your powers are broken? It’s not a bad thing of course, but like, I swear you tried to mind control me and it like, totally failed. Which is fine, honestly, don’t feel insecure. Everyone’s power stop working sometimes… I think.” 

Sheesh, this is very awkward. Why is no one else talking? Why is Philza looking at him like he grew three heads? Why is the Blade staring at him so intensely? Why is Willow still frozen?

“Did I, did I hit a nerve? Yikes,” Tommy hisses, “Well um,” He steps back, bracing his legs and bending his knees, “This was like super fun, but I’m - I’mma head out.”

or,

in which Tommy manages to annoy the hell out of Phil, Techno and Wilbur by being both impossible to catch and irritatingly endearing.

or or,

a crack fic where Tommy is a vigilante and Phil, Techno and Wilbur are the heroes hunting him down.

Bones in the Ocean 🟡  8/10 ( bunflower) - SBI, Dream Antagonist, Pirate AU, Technoblade Centric

“The Angel of Death, the ferryman of the Styx, the terror of the western seas. One of the most feared captains ever to sail, and yet, I have to wonder… how did a man like you end up all on his own? We searched the area where you were found—not another soul in sight. So,” He fixes him with a long look, allowing the silence to hover like a dark cloud, the words rolling off of his tongue with all the venom and smugness he can muster, “—tell me, Philza. Where is your crew?”

—

OR: Technoblade is a naval captain, and Phil his unwilling prisoner. Somehow, they manage to come out of it as friends in the end.

🩵I was a kid in a village, doing alright, then I became a prince overnight 🟡 11/10 ( sircantus)  -  Family Fluff, SBI, Adoption AU, No plot, Royal AU, Tommy Centric, Minor plot, Bench Trio

In which Phil has created the Antarctic Empire from the ground up and takes in Techno and Wilbur along the way, and raises them while also ruling his kingdom. Tommy, sixteen, lives with Tubbo in an orphanage, the two of them running around in the cold streets of their town.

After a hectic day of getting separated from Tubbo, getting into a few fights, and ending up in an entirely new town, he comes across Phil, and saves him from an assassination attempt by smashing a plate over someone's head.

So then both Techno and Wilbur decide to see who this kid is, and Tommy sure is endearing, in the way that the first time they spy on him, he starts a fight in an alleyway over a bag of cookies.

(and then Tommy basically gets kidnapped into the royal family, but like, legally, y’know?)

Stay under my wing ✅ 8/10 ( sircantus)- Zombie Apocalypse AU, Technoblade Centric, Family Fluff, Adoption AU 

"Wilby says that- that if a stranger ever tries to grab me, I can bite them." Tommy nods, giving a little glare towards Techno and his bitten hand.

"Okay." Technoblade says slowly. "But don't bite me."

"No, I'm gonna bite you."

---

SBI Zombie apocalypse AU, in which Tommy is a little kid who's been separated from Wilbur. While Wilbur is on a desperate search for his little brother with Phil, Tommy stumbles across Technoblade, who is the definition of 'no chill' in the zombie apocalypse.

Techno accidentally gains a new little brother.

The skies we seek 🟡 6/10 ( Batmansmom) - Dream Antagonist, Hero/Villain/Vigilante Au, Technoblade/Tommy Centric, Adoption AU, Family Dynamics, SBI, Bench Trio, Hybrid AU

***

"Techno?"

"Yeah Tommy?"

"What does the sky look like?"

Techno paused, the question, like most of Tommy's questions made his heart ache for reasons he didn't understand.

"I'll show it to you one day" he doesn't know why he says that, he knows by now not to make promises he doesn't know he can keep.

"Really?"

"I promise" and he swears to himself he'll find a way to keep it.

***

Or Techno is a hero on a mission that quickly gets derailed when he meets Tommy, a boy who's spent his whole life locked in one room with only Dream, the biggest villain of the century, for company.

Consequences of the Dead 🟡 6/10 ( Libis) - Wilbur Centric, Alternate Universe Travelling AU, Adoption Au, Family Dynamics, SBI, Dream Antagonist, Hybrid AU

Wilbur rolls his eyes. “I’m just patching you up out of some misplaced sense of guilt or nostalgia or whatever; after this, you can try and arrest me again as much as you want-” “Nostalgia?” Tommy interrupts. He squints at the figure, all confusing tangents and cynical jokes, the bird still perched on his head. “What, do I know you or something?” Wilbur’s face darkens. He reaches out a hand, rubbing absently at a long slash going through his trench coat, a tear in the seams of it all. Tommy stills. “No,” the villain finally mutters with a brittle laugh. “No, you don’t.” …

Or: Superhero AU in which Wilbur, upon waking up in an alternate universe, accidentally becomes a villain. Maybe not a very good one, though - he remains insanely, outrageously protective over the very heroes (and vigilante) hunting him down.

I’ll Fall, you catch me, okay? ❌ 7/10  ( sircantus)- Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Minor Plot, No Antagonist, Bench Trio SBI, Multiple POVs, Alternate Universe

“Jump!” Phil yells, holding his arms out.

“No!” Tommy shrieks, and Phil can hear the way Wilbur’s struggling to hold back a laugh, Tommy’s voice nearly cracking at the end. “I’ll die if I fall!”

“You won’t die.” Phil drawls, grinning and flying a bit closer. “I’ll catch you.”

“What if you don’t, though?!”

“Mate, even if I don’t, you’re just going to hit water, and you’ll be fine.”

“But then I’ll be wet.”

or

5 times where Phil was there to catch someone + 1 time where someone was there to catch him

Do Us Part ❌ ( SilverWing15) 6/10 - Tommy Centric, Minor Family Dynamics, Minor Family Fluff, Ghost AU, Necromancy AU, SBI, Bench Trio

Tommy takes one step back, another. Technoblade keeps advancing, like a tidal wave, like a storm, like a mountain come crashing down on them. Unstoppable, and destructive. He has come to destroy all that Tommy holds dear. He has come to kill Tommy. Dream’s hand rises to his throat, with a flick of his wrist, he drops his cloak to the ground. “Go, Tommy,” he says over his shoulder.

OR: Tommy is the lost prince of the Antarctic Empire and he would really like to *remain* lost since his family tried to sacrifice him to some creepy necromancy ritual when he was two. Dream has kept him safe for all his life, but he can't do that any more. Since he's you know. Dead.

AKA: Necromancy AU

All Screams Sound the Same 🟡 7/10 (BlueSkysTheLimit)  - Assassin AU, Tommy Centric, Temporary Main Character Death, Dream Antagonist, Royal AU, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Bench Trio, SBI, Adoption Au, Hybrid AU

Tommy used to be an average street kid: starved, hungry, and practically half dead. One day, however, he heard of a guild who practically took in street kids- fed them, clothed them, gave them a place to sleep- and the offer was too good to pass up. All he had to do was work at the guild!

Now, a couple years later, Tommy is one of the best assassins in the Essempi guild, but his mentor sends him on his hardest mission yet: "Kill the royal family of the Antarctic Empire on the night of their annual ball, October 31st." Tommy takes the missions as a challenge, but little does he know that this mission will be unlike any other he's completed before and will change his life forever.

All Good Devils Masquerade Under the Light🟡 7/10 (kyoromii) - Vampire Au, Possessive SBI ( but SBI nonetheless), Bench trio, Minor Plot, No Antagonist, Adoption Au ( forced ), Dark SBI, Tommy Centric, Major Character death x 2

Tommy just wants to make ends meet in the dystopian city streets of Manburg. Alongside his two best friends Tubbo and Ranboo.

Unbeknownst to him, a trio of vampires have already claimed him as their own, and a seemingly harmless stroll around the city may mark the end of life as he knows it.

or

Eternity raises no saints.

🩵The Children’s rebellion ✅ 11/10  ( Aria_Cinabun)- Star Wars AU, Space AU, Adoption Au, Tommy Centric, TRAUMA, SBI, Bench Trio, SO MUCH PLOT, 

His name was Tommy Innes, and he was born to touch the stars.

Of course, touching the stars was going to have to wait, because he'd lost that dream the moment his parents had died when he was ten years old—the moment he had watched that starship explosion and felt a bit of his heart die with them. He'd lost that dream when he was transported to prison and then to a place called Pogtopia.

He'd lost that dream when he watched hundreds of children starve on the streets of Pogtopia. When he and two friends become the lone survivors of the Red Planet's Genocide. When they were rescued, and he was captured again.

But maybe—maybe one day, he would regain that dream. Maybe he would hunt down the mass murderer that had executed his friends and gain his revenge—but that day was not now, and now he sat in a prison and stared at the faraway stars.

Perhaps there would be people that he could call family again. People he would see again—people whom he had lost years ago. One day.

Because he was an Avian, born to be forever alone amongst broken stars.

And Avians did not fall unless they wanted to.

or

a science fiction fic about rebellion

Extension 🟡 8/10  ( dancewiththewaves) - Blind Tommy Centric, Royal Au, Adoption AU, Minor plot, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, SBI, Bench Trio, BOUNDING , Magic AU

"That was Floaty. Or at least, that's what I'm calling him. Fucking kid won't tell us his name," Dream carried on like nothing had happened, and from beside Techno, Wilbur started wheezing like he was dying. "I think he's twelve or thirteen. Wind magic, he's quick and real snarky, very malnourished, blind-"

"Wait, blind?" Techno peered harder at the communicator. Wilbur stopped laughing. "How the hell is he able to slip by you then?"

"Uses the air currents like feelers, I think," Dream's breath was coming heavier as he carried on running. "Gets an idea of where things are in relation to him. He doesn't always get it right, sometimes there are cracks in things big enough to feel like an escape route and he slams into a wall. Or he doesn't angle close enough to the ground and trips on things. He's uh-" Dream flipped the communicator around, and Techno blinked as Bad flew through the air, screeching the whole way. "He's slippery."

---

TLDR: Blindinnit has wind magic and gets himself adopted by the Antarctic Empire's royal family.

By your Ancient Names 🟡 8/10 ( Charnel )  - Tommy Centric, God AU, ( I would say Middle Ages AU ), Forced adoption AU, Dream Antagonist, Mainly Just Tommy and Technoblade

“My gold.” Techno spoke, thousands of voices echoing in his words. Whispering and chattering. His calloused hand reaching up, dragging along the blood that was dripping from Tommy’s neck. Dripping down and burning away in the flames consuming the roots that held him.

The same hand that had fed him and given him shelter, as involuntary as it had been, was gently placed at the back of his skull. Techno’s thumb pulling across the golden earring that now felt like an anchor dragging him below the surface of a pool of magma.

Wearing Techno’s face, the Blood God grinned at him.

Tommy did not regret punching him.

***

Td;lr: Tommy unwillingly takes refuge into the hold of a banished god.

Turn of the Tide ❌ ( SilverWing15) 6/10 - Tommy Centric, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Dream Antagonist, Hybrid AU, SBI

Tommy’s fins twitch at the mention of Dream’s ancestors. Dream talks about them a lot, how they made their fortune hunting down mer pods, how they were cruel and greedy. Nothing like Dream is. They’ve both overcome their roots, he says.

Tommy is nothing like the wild mer out in the ocean, who spend their lives scraping by just to survive, who kicked him out of the pod when he was a baby because he was too small. He’s also better than the pit mer, who can’t overcome their wild instincts and knows nothing but fighting.

He’s different from them, he’s better than them. He’s Dream’s. //// OR: Change is like the tide, when it comes, you can only sink or swim. You would think that a mer would be better at keeping afloat.

Between the sun and the stars🟡  7/10  ( Anonymous ) - Trauma, Space AU, Hybrid AU, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, SBI, Bench Trio, Tommy Centric

Recent escapees from The Compound, Tommy and Tubbo are living their life in the slums of Hypixel, making their money by thieving and taking jobs on the blackmarket. But when they accidentally find their way onto the spaceship of Wilbur Soot, commander and heir to the Antarctic Empire, their carefully concealed secrets are bound to come out. Their time at the Compound being one of them…

Or, the very traumatized tommyinnit and tubbo underscore are forced into a found family arc against their will. (SPACE AU)

Let’s play a game 🟡 9/10 ( Aria_Cinabun) - Elementalist AU, Tommy centric, Dream Antagonist, Family Dynamics, Minor Family Fluff, Forced adoption, SBI, Minor Bench trio interactions, BIG BRAIN TOMMYINNIT

Tommy was once a slave. That's gone now - shoved in his past with the memories of blood and gore and death. He wants to forget who he was; what he has to do to survive.

Of course, the Elementalists will always come back to haunt him. They aren't the ones who killed his mother, but they're close enough.

And now he and his brother have been dragged into the mess, as Elementalists with their own, separate covens, to find the Pit - the place where he'd lived and killed and hurt for the first twelve years of his life.

His coven can't know. Can't know who he really is, what he can really do. Can't know anything about his past.

He doesn't want a coven full of Elementalists who don't trust him; one of whom he's pretty sure despises him. He doesn't want that life.

He wants the life of a pickpocket, on the streets, because nobody questions street kids, and nobody comes asking about his past and pushes him to tell his secrets that he holds closest inside.

Tubbo tries to tell him to trust people.

But trust is how you die.

Mayday, mayday, mayday🟡 (always_an_axious_mess)  7/10 - Space AU ( possibly Star Wars as well but I haven't watched Star Wars yet), Tommy Centric, SBI

“Mayday mayday mayday, this is Ship 268454, CCS Clara, does anyone copy?”

After an accident that he isn’t even sure how occurred, Junior Crewmember Tommy Innit is stuck out in the dead zone of space with a dead crew and on a damaged ship. No nearby inhabited planets. No nearby stations. Nothing.

He’s billions of kilometres away from any hope of rescue, and has to figure out a way to safety. Not only that, for the first time in his life, he’s completely alone.

All in a day’s work 🟡 7/10 (spiromachia)  - Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Dream Antagonist, Hybrid AU, SBI, Tommy Centric, Hero/Villain/Vigilante Au, Bench Trio

Most crime fighters are heroes, superpowered people who were trained at a young age to beat the bad guys and serve the everyman, born and raised to protect and save the lives of those who couldn't defend themselves. Pretty much every kid wanted to grow up to be a hero, obviously. Fame, fortune, fighting, it was every tiny child's dream, but only a select few were allowed to become heroes, especially not powerless ones.

And that was just Tommy's issue, he was powerless.

It seemed that everyone around him had some sort of quirk or superpower that made them stronger, that gave them incredible abilities like no other, but Tommy, arguably the kid who wanted to be a hero the most, was left untouched by luck.

But that didn't mean he couldn't help out. Far from it, in fact.

Or...

Tommy is a vigilante, kicking ass and fighting crime, but catches the attention of a few familiar faces.

Teach me how to say goodbye 🟡 8/10 ( Aria_Cinabun, taye_z-mcyt archive) )- Afterlife AU, Tommy Centric, Mainly Just Tommy and Technoblade

With his head held high, Tommy walked to his death. But man, was he willing to sacrifice himself for his nation.

He stood, bow in hand, staring down the man who caused him so much fear, so much anger, so much pain.

No hesitation was present as he pulled back the string, hoping to at least go out with a bang.

Or

Local Hamilton role-player dies and has to survive the afterlife.

A Magical Future ❌ 8/10 ( Aria_Cinabun) - MCC AU, Magic AU, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Family AU, Tommy Centric, SBI, Clingy Duo

He's eight when he starts seeing monsters, nine when he can see forward in time.

Tommy wants to be off with Techno and Phil and Wilbur, off adventuring.

'Course, he and Tubbo are too young.

Until they're not.

One Man’s Trash ( is another man’s brother) 🟡7/10 ( SilverWing15) -  SBI, Tommy Centric, Adoption AU , Hero/Villain/Vigilante AU, Family Dynamics, Magic AU

The kid is glaring down at him and eating a partially moldy apple like he’s daring Wilbur to come fight him for it. “What the fuck?” Wilbur says. The kid takes a huge chunk out of the apple and definitely doesn't chew it enough before he swallows. “You got a fucking problem, asshole?” “I mean...kind of?” Wilbur says. “There’s a child eating literal garbage in front of me so I feel like that’s a bit concerning.” “Shouldn’t you be robbing a bank or getting your ass kicked by superheroes?” “Shouldn’t you be in school?” The kid snarls wordlessly and chucks an empty carton from some chinese place at him. “Fuck off man. Forget this dump.” “What, you know a better one to eat from?” “I know one that doesn’t have a fucking weirdo supervillain in it!” The kid slams the lid of the dumpster down. Rude.

Or: It was only a matter of time before I did a superhero AU

Diasporas Blue ❌ 6/10 ( SilverWing15) - Werewolf/fae/vampire/harpy AU, Family Au, Adoption AU, Family Fluff, Family Dynamics, Tommy Centric, SBI

See, the thing about werewolves, is they love family. They’re all about family. Their family. They’re not nearly as enthusiastic about some stray. Sure they’re more than their instincts, they can take in kids, but you start out on thin fucking ice and Tommy’s never been very good about being respectful. So he gets kicked out of a lot of packs. The other thing about werewolves is that they’re terrible fucking gossips. So getting kicked out of one pack is as good as getting kicked out of at least five or six of their closest neighbor-packs. Which is why Tommy is now stuck with fucking humans and their weird smelling house.

OR: Tommy is a werewolf in the foster care system. It's less uncommon than you'd think. What is uncommon is ending up in a house full of humans.

🩵Rogue ✅11/10 ( milk_tea24) - Dream Antagonist, Hybrid AU, SBI, Tommy Centric, Hero/Villain/Vigilante Au, Bench Trio, Magic AU, God AU

Tommy ran. He ran as fast as he could. He needed to leave. To be safe. And he thought he finally was. He made it out. Away from the monster who raised him. Tommy found friends and got a job. But he screwed everything up like he always does. Now what can he do but what he does best. Go Rogue. ______________________________

Or, Tommy escapes Dream, after being locked away by him for years and becomes a vigilante.

🩵Take this compass, follow it home ✅ 11/10 ( lightening_anon ) - Tommy centric, Adoption AU, Modern AU, Clingy Duo, SBI, Family dynamics, Family Fluff, Minor Plot

Tommy's a fuck up, he can't pay attention, and never sits still. He taps his hands, pushes people away, and has never had a best friend. He's a screwed up, forgotten kid lost in the foster system. He's also just been placed with a new family. Tommy knows how this goes, he never ends up staying long. After all, no one wants a fuck up like him.

Why would this house be any different?

-

Or: the obligatory sbi foster au, but with a focus on the neurodivergent kids that inevitably get lost in the system.

🩵No cause for concern  🟡 11/10 ( hedgehoggeryyy) -  Hybrid AU, SBI, Tommy Centric, Hero/Villain/Vigilante Au, Bench Trio, Family Fluff, Family Dynamics, DISCONTINUED 

So maybe applying for a job at the heroes' base of operations when he could be arrested any moment for being an illegal vigilante wasn't Tommy's smartest move. But he gets to work with his idols — Ghostbur, the Blade, and Philza Minecraft, Angel of Death himself, just to name a few — how could he turn down that opportunity, honestly?

And keeping his two identities separate can't be that difficult, really. It'll all be a piece of cake.

---

or, tommyinnit just wanted to pay the rent and save people at the same time. things can't go his way for just once, can they?

***DISCONTINUED***

Nothing Sweeter ❌8/10 ( SilverWing15) - SBI, PURE FLUFF AHHHHHHHHHHHH, Family Fluff, Family Dynamics, Tommy Centric

He’s doing it, he’s growing a watermelon. He hasn’t killed it, he hasn’t fucked it up. Phil chuckles softly, “good job.” He squeezes Tommy’s shoulder and Tommy had almost forgotten his hand was there. It's a warm weight, the way Wilbur’s hand used to be. Tommy doesn’t pull away from it. He just keeps looking down at the bud that’s going to be a watermelon. A watermelon he grew. That’s…insane. He’s never grown anything before. He kind of thought he was only capable of breaking things.

OR: Foster Family fic where the watermelons are a Metaphor

🩵Butterfly Reign ✅ 11/10 ( SilentTeyz) - Royal Au, Tommy Centric, SBI, Unfinished, Dream Antagonist

The royal family of the Antarctic empire isn’t exactly close.

Emperor Philza is always occupied; Tommy hasn’t seen Techno in months, and even if Wilbur is here, their relationship can be described to be strained at best.

The royal family doesn’t need to be close, however, it only needs to be balanced, like the pillars holding the country above their heads – as long as they are strong and steady, the Empire will be too. It’s the principle that held Tommy’s back straight and his shoulders broad through the years of hardships and trials of errors; through yet another formal meeting where his father’s gaze would look past him and where his brother’s words would be filled with poison that makes the deepest parts of his soul ache.

At that time, Tommy couldn't know that his family would find a replacement for him in the face of a commoner boy named Ranboo.

~🦋~

Tommy's family has replaced him. It's only fair that he gets to do the same.

Evermore ❌ 8/10 (rabiddog) - Tommy Centric, Dream Antagonist, SBI,  Disease AU?, Main character death? 

I’m a Healer, but… 🟡  7/10 ( yellowleader )  - Hybrid AU, SBI, Tommy Centric, Hero/Villain/Vigilante Au, Bench Trio, Family Fluff, Family Dynamics, TRAUMA

Magic always comes with a price, which is why superpowers are the best evolution since bipedalism, and of all powers, healing is one of the rarest- and thus, healers are quickly stolen away by heroes the moment their powers are discovered.

Which is why the SBI, semi-immortal villains who can only die by injury, want their hands on one. So when a weird, loud, pushy teen shows up and offers to trade them a powerful healer in exchange for the smallest, simplest favour... how could they say no?

Too bad this won't be as easy as they think.

Burning sage doesn't keep you away 🟡 8/10 ( Anonymous ) - Fae AU, Kristin ( mumza ) centric, Minor SBI, Minor Family Fluff, FLUFF

With rumors pilling up around the village and Kristin's surprise encounter with a fae, she should have thought twice about living so close by the forest.

Or

Kristin meets a fae, life is never quite the same after that.

The stars and their children ✅ 8/10  (bonesandthebees) - Space AU, Royal AU, Dream Antagonist, Empires/Kingdoms AU, Science Fiction, Wilbur Centric, SBI, Minor dark SBI, Minor Family Fluff, Betrayal 

Yes. Wilbur had to bite his tongue to keep the answer from spilling out of his mouth, because yes he wanted more. Of course he wanted more. He wanted to be more than the bastard prince. He wanted to be more than a mistake his mother made before she married Tommy’s father.

But that wasn’t the role he had been cast for in his life.

“It doesn’t matter,” Wilbur said instead. “When Tommy turns eighteen he’ll be crowned King, and I will be his advisor. He’ll be a good king, I’ll make sure of it.”

or, as the bastard prince of the planet of Eldingvegr, Wilbur has always known he was never meant for greatness. That was his younger brother's destiny. Wilbur's job was simply to try and make sure Tommy could fulfil that destiny.

That becomes decidedly more difficult when the brothers are betrayed, and are forced to flee their home planet. With the Essempi Empire being one of the largest imperial powers in the universe, the only place that can offer them refuge from Emperor Dream is Zephys IV—capital planet of the Antarctic Empire, ruled by the ruthless Emperor Philza.

Icing those hurts 🟡 9/10 ( Drhair76, plantform) - Olympic AU, Modern AU, Dream smp members, emotional challenges, Tommy centric

“And everyone is so old,” Tubbo complains. Somehow, without them knowing about it, Tubbo’s managed to swipe a waffle and is chewing on it happily. Sapnap stifles a laugh. “Well, not everyone, I guess- the kid in our room is our age, I think. He might be younger.”

Wilbur perks up. “Does he ice skate?”

“Yeah, he does. He’s got these sick skates and everything.” Tubbo explains. “He’s quiet though. We tried talking to him, but…”

“But?”

Tubbo shrugs. "He's quiet. He doesn't talk much. I guess he's busy."

or, Tommy's made it to the Olympics for figure skating- he's the youngest contestant on the ice and he's the favor for the gold. He's supposed to be living the dream. So why is he still so unhappy? And why do all these hockey players and snowboarders care so much about him?

Series

In the Treetops 🟡 7/10  ( SilverWing15) - modern AU, Syndicate AU, SBI, Minor bench trio, Wings AU, Tommy Centric, Minor Family Fluff

“Sir!” Punz shouts in the distance, “think we’ve got something.”

Tommy hardly dares to breathe as Dream’s footsteps stalk across the hill to Punz’s side. Its Now or never.

Now or never.

He gets up and bolts. He makes it a solid ten steps before they spot him. The hounds are baying, he can hear them panting as they chase him.

The School is bounded on the eastern side by a deep gorge, just after the barbed wire fence that looms in front of him.

Any normal person would have a hell of a time getting past this.

Tommy isn’t a normal person, though. The School has ensured it.

He can hear the dogs behind him, catching up. If they catch him its all over.

Its now or never.

Fly or die.

Tommy leaps and unfurls his wings.

* Flowers from 1970 🟡8/10 (astronomika) - DNF, Dreamnotfound ship, Modern AU, Timetravle communication AU, DNF fluff

Who are you?" "Who are you?" They both asked at the same time, but the man answered first, "My name's Cl-Dream." "Dream?" George raised a brow. "It's a nickname. I don't want to give you my real name yet since you could be some government spy or something." George chuckled, "Well I'm George."

Dream asked, "So tell me about the future. Wait, does that sound nerdy? Hm, tell me about 2020."

Interpreter 🟡 8/10 ( SilverWing 15)  - Tommy centric, God AU, Royal AU, Seer/interpreter/power AU, Blessings, Wings, Dream Main Antagonist, Adoption AU

His father asks the gods for their favour, and Wilbur feels pain. It explodes across his brow as though he has been struck against the side of the altar, it wraps around his head like a crown of agony. His father asks the gods for their favour, and Wilbur screams.

His father asks the gods for their favour and Wilbur sees. . Wilbur opens his eyes and he is laying on the ground before the altar, his body is shaking, every muscle trembling, his wings are spread across the ground. His father’s hands are on his shoulders, Techno’s hand under his head. His father looks terrified.

His father asks the gods for their favour, and they grant it.

///

“Tommy?” Sam asks gently.

“I--I need help,” Tommy whispers.

“What’s the matter,” Sam asks, sitting up and turning so he’s facing Tommy, his elbows on his knees.

“I’m--A man took me here,” Tommy whispers. “He said I was an Interpreter, and he was gonna bring me to the Emperors, but I didn’t want to go.”

 Guitar Strings and Keyrings are What it Takes to Build a Home 🟡 ( Anonymous) - adoption AU, SBI, Minor Bench Trio, Family Fluff, Modern AU, Foster AU, Minor/no plot, character development 10/10, technoblade centric

Techno was adopted by Phil when he was 12 years old.

He'd been enjoying his morning before Phil came to him asking if he would mind them taking in another kid. Against his better judgement, Techno agrees and ends up with two new foster brothers who he was determined to not get attached to, no matter what.

~*~

Another Tommy Foster AU but this time with Wilbur

🩵 A Con Artist, A Mafia Boss, An Arsonist, A Hitman and A Delinquent Cause A Scene Outside Of A Bar  🟡(hyperbolic) 11/10  - adoption AU, BADASS FAMILY, SBI, Multiple perspectives, also mumza is alive and well

Kristin needs a mortgage for her money laundering scheme.

Phil wants alibis who won’t ask any questions.

Wilbur needs a landlord that will overlook his felonies.

Techno requires a good washer and dryer that can clean blood easily.

Tommy wishes CPS would get off his ass.

Each with their own agendas, flaws and secrets, these five are pushed with the common goal of needing to come together as a family in order to evade the law.

Or: SBI needs to pretend to be a family in order to avoid the police's suspicions.

A smile and a gun 🟡 ( SilverWing15) 9/10 - mafia AU, SBI, modern AU, Family Fluff, Minor terrorism. 

“You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.”

― Al Capone ///

It isn’t the sort of place you would look for a couple of high school kids smart enough to pull one over on an international crime organization. The apartment is cheap and it shows. But if you’re perceptive enough, you can look past the water stains and the cracked drywall. You can see evidence of a home vacated cleanly and efficiently. The evacuation is more orderly than most Phil has witnessed. Usually when someone hears he’s coming around, they storm through their house in a whirlwind, not caring for what they might leave scattered in their wake. This place is messy, sure, but its messy in the way one might expect that a house full of teenage boys would be. Phil picks his way past a jacket left discarded in the entryway and deeper into the apartment. There is a sagging couch with a stack of school books scattered on it. He flips open the cover of one, eyes trailing down the ‘distributed to’ list. There, at the very bottom is familiar handwriting. Tommy. Their thief. //// AKA: Dream SMP Mafia AU with SBI bois

How to smile with bloody teeth 🟡(lockergirl) 11/10 - god Au, family Au, technoblade centric, SBI

“Please,” one soldier told Techno over dinner, “The Blood God isn’t going to help you. He doesn’t accept any of the blood sacrifices the generals leave for him, so either he doesn’t exist, or he thinks he’s too good for the likes of us. Either way, it’s best to find a different patron.”

Techno had punched him in the face for that. None of his other comrades ever brought up the Blood God again.

Well, except for one.

“You follow the Blood God?” the new kid said, staring up at Techno with unbelievably blue eyes.“Yeah,” Techno replied, perhaps a bit gruffer than he meant to, “What’s it to you?”“Nothing!” the new kid said, grinning wildly, “I love that guy. He gets all the ladies. Hey, we should be friends!”

Or: Techno is the last devout follower of the Blood God. Tommy may or may not be said god.”

Set Me Free, My Honeybee ✅(orphan_account) 8/10 - Tubbo Centric, Hero/Villain/Vigilante Au, Hybrid Au, Bee Duo Ship

“Have you ever heard of the vigilante; Honeybee?”

The question made Tubbo choke lightly on his water. Tubbo swallowed it down with a raised hand, hitting his chest lightly before he could speak again, “the vigilante Honeybee?” Tubbo echoed. “Um, Sorta?” Tubbo said with a shrug.

(If only Sam knew. . .)

-

In which, Tubbo’s vigilante career isn’t doing a good enough job of keeping a roof over his and his best friend Tommy’s head so Tubbo decides to be an intern for some higher up superhero’s.

And just when Tubbo thinks his luck can’t get any better - his bosses (along with Tubbo’s coworker, Ranboo) are trying to hunt down his alter ego; Honeybee.

Oh! And on top of that some hero’s - that are old friends of Dream - are trying to find Tubbo and Tommy because they’re “worried about the teens” and “they’ve been missing for four months”.

Can’t Tubbo ever get a break?

To Establish Connection 🟡( SilverWing 15) 7/10 - Tommy Centric, Royal AU, Hybrid AU, Adoption AU, Family Fluff, Minor Plots, SBI

"What does that mean -- tame?" "It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties.To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world.... /// “Hey!” The prince barks, whirling on him. Tommy lets his hood fall as he bolts away. He stops and spins, like he’s just heard the shout, his ears perked. His heart flutters. The royals hate hybrids and being robbed by one will make the prince furious. So angry that he won’t realize that Tommy is just bait.

OR: Royalty Adoption AU hell yeah

Hands rated E for everyone ❌(sircantus) 6/10 - Family AU, Modern AU, School, Technoblade Centric, SBI

Wilbur’s standing absolutely still, like a stone statue, eyes wide, hands shaking, water dripping off from his hair. Kids are chattering and laughing, phones being raised high as everyone crowds around. One person is laughing louder than all the rest, and Wilbur looks up with something mortified.

The expression on Wil’s face is recorded more than once. The disbelief and shock is preserved perfectly on camera, and there’s no doubt it will be the most popular image in the school for weeks.

At least, that’s what everyone is assuming, until Technoblade comes running into frame, slamming a fist right into Dream’s face.

(Or, a twinduo highschool AU, in which Techno is just Wilbur's twin who likes to stay in the background. Until one day he throws hands for Wilbur, because no way is he going to let his twin get bullied without acting out some Violence.)

Chosen By The Gods 🟡(LilBitO_Sunny) 8/10 - God AU, Family adoption, Tommy centric, SBI, family fluff

“You could become a temple hand!” Niki pushed a paper into his hands and he looked it over. “They’d provide food, shelter, and new clothes for you! Everything you need!” She grinned at him and wrung her hands as he scanned the paper in his hands.

Tommy’s heart stuttered as the information sank in. “I..I don’t know..” He winced a bit when Niki’s face fell. “I just- I don’t think they’d want some random homeless teenager working in their pristine temple..” He mumbled.

---

Or: Tommy- a random street kid -gets a job working at a temple of the gods. Wilbur, Techno and Phil all notice Tommy trying his best and collectively decide, "Ah yes. I like this one." Hijinks and found family ensues.

Or or: Super light comfort fic of Tommy being showered in love by his divine found family.

Black Bird Fly ✅MollyPollyKinz 9/10 - Royal AU, Magic AU, Wings AU, Adoption Au, Family AU, SBI, Bench trio, Dream Antagonist

“Sure thing, kiddo,” Schlatt told Tubbo. He looked over at Tommy. “You can take your cloak off if you want, kid.”

“I’m not a kid,” Tommy said automatically, immediately gripping onto his cloak more tightly.

He didn’t want Tubbo to hate him. As much as Tommy hated to admit it, he actually liked Tubbo quite a bit, and if he took the cloak off, Tommy was sure to be cast out immediately.

Or, Tommy runs away from Dream, hiding his wings from everyone he knows.

Saturday’s at the Diner ❌ (justsummr (orphan_account)) 9/10 - Adoption AU, SBI, Pure Fluff, Family Au, Minor/No Plot

“Hey kid, sorry I didn't see you there. How can I help you?”

The kid shoots up and he looks scared out of his mind for a second before scowling. “I’m not a fuckin’ kid,” he snaps. Wilbur laughs softly, the kids eyes are blue, they remind him of Phil.

“Right, how can I help you?”

The kids’ bristling demeanor dies down instantly and he looks suddenly much more nervous. The kids posture is shit, Wilbur notices, his shoulders are up and slouched over his chest almost protectively. He starts fidgeting with sleeves of his shirt and he quickly but quietly pulls out a five dollar bill, he slides it across the bar to Wilbur.

“Could I have a- could I get a-“ He pauses, shakes his head and looks up. “Hamburger and sweet potato fries,” He says it with a confident voice but scared eyes and body language.

or phil, techno, and wilbur own a diner and tommy becomes a regular customer. one found family arc later and they adopt him

Devil Town 🟡(hoorayy) 8/10 - SBI & Bench Trio as Family, Angst, Happy Ending, Switching between POV, The Egg, Kidnapping, Modern Au, Horror AU

The night Tommy disappeared, it went like this:

Tubbo screamed the words that became his goodbye. He can’t accept that Tommy is gone, because that would be accepting that the last words they exchanged were angry and intended to hurt. So he doesn’t accept it. He’ll search for years if he has to.

Techno let Tommy leave without so much as trying to stop him. He’s replayed the memory of that night and wished he’d done anything else, until he thinks the guilt might be enough to destroy him. He thinks he might already be on his way there.

And Quackity can’t help but feel like this is all just a bitter echo. This town is cursed, and Tommy is only its latest victim.

— ( the small town horror au where tommy goes missing and it all goes downhill from there! )

You can put your dukes down, stringbean 🟡(orphan_account) 8/10 - Hero/Villain/Vigilante Au, SBI, Benchtrio, Tommy Centric

The Jester is a famed vigilante, protecting the city of L'manburg for as long as people can remember. No one knows where he operates, when he appeared, or who he is. It's hero Zephyrus' job to figure out his identity and capture him, with the help of his friend and son.

----

It was a much closer call than Tommy would have preferred. In his haste of escaping a group of thugs, he almost missed out on talking to a pretty woman. Granted, Tubbo was gonna be pissed when he got home. Such is the life of a heroically handsome vigilante.

OR

A fic in which Tommy manages to annoy the hell out of Phil, Techno, and Wilbur by being impossible to catch, annoyingly loud, and irritatingly endearing.

amethyst and flowers on the table (is it real or a fable?) ❌( bonesandcacti) 9/10 - Fae AU, SBI, Adoption Au, Tommy Centric, Family Fluff

The fae was tall. Much taller than Tommy, and probably anyone else in the village for that matter. Hair the color of dark oak spilled over his forehead in tumbling curls. Flecks of gold dotted his cheeks like freckles, sitting underneath a pair of knowing eyes that seemed to flash between shades of earth and honey. His tall frame was draped in the most expensive-looking clothes Tommy had ever seen—flowing fabric in shades of snow and sunlight billowed in the light breeze. And there was so much jewelry. Gold bands decorated his arms, dangling gems decorated his pointed ears, and a shimmering gold circlet rested on his forehead. 

  Past the beauty though, there was danger. His nails were pointed, his teeth too sharp. When Tommy tried to look him in the eyes, his head grew fuzzy, as if perceiving the fae directly wasn’t something he was supposed to attempt.   He was smiling as he looked over Tommy.   “Are you lost?” He asked in that same lyrical voice.or, Tommy gets adopted by the fae

a togetherness 🟡(Set_Suna) 8/10 - IRL content, SBI (adoption kinda ), Christmas themed, FLUFF

“Do you know how to ice skate, Tommy?" Wil asked, gesturing ahead of them.Tommy glanced forward, seeing Techno lacing up some skates while Phil held three other pairs. He shrugged."Well enough." Tommy didn't know how to ice skate. He assumed he could manage alright, but that proved to be false as soon as he was on the ice. He'd never got the chance to try it before. His parents were never interested enough to teach him, if they even knew how. When they were home for the holidays, they usually spent the time indoors. It's probably why Tommy was so unaccustomed to the cold.”

Where is your rider?✅(Jacenbren) 9/10 - Post-nuclear war Au, Tommy Centric, Bench Trio, c!TNT duo, c! Bee duo, c! Karlnap, c!Antfrost&Velvet, c!Skephalo

“It’s been almost four hundred years since the bombs dropped, since the toxic jungle currently devouring the world took root. 

Tubbo has it good in L’Manberg with his semi-reluctant older brother figure, his shy amnesiac boyfriend, and all the pie he can eat. So when he finds a guy his age in an ancient vault, and hears the rumors about Manberg supposedly building a weapon capable of destroying cities, he isn’t sure what to do. 

Tommy, however, isn’t exactly thrilled when he wakes up four hundred years later than when he fell asleep with no memory of how he got here or how the hell he got strong enough to effortlessly rip a door off its hinges. A lot of the people he woke up to don’t seem to want him around, and soon enough he finds himself in a terrifying race against time, struggling to put together the scattered pieces of his past before a madman blows the planet to hell again. 

Tensions are rising, the jungle is spreading, and the fate of the world rests on the shoulders of a handful of uncooperative individuals with enough collective trauma to make your average therapist have a breakdown. What could possibly go wrong?

And the Universe said: "I'm not a fucking child!" 🟡(DeerlyAza, OfFeathersAndWax) 9/10 - God AU, Hero/Villain/Vigilante Au, SBI, Bench trio, tubbo adopted tommy… , tommy centric

“Tommy was a tired God who's sick of sleeping all the time. He goes down to the mortal world and discovers heroes, vigilantes, and villains. He gets dragged into it forcefully by his new friends - who also dragged him forcefully into their lives - and, honestly? He doesn't regret a thing. Being a vigilante is fun! Even if he has to hide the fact that he's a God from them. And then he has to hide the fact that he's a vigilante from the heroes who he now works for and have taken an interest in him. Should be easy, right? Well...He should be able to do at least one of those things!-“Congrats, you've met Ranboo, we’re now kidnapping you.”“Wait what-”“Tubbo, wait, you said we’d talk about this first-”

Take me home, let me rest 🟡( sircantus ) 8/10 - magic AU, family ‘adoption’, SBI, FLUFF, techno centric

Oh, I’m sorry, sorry, mate-” Phil reaches his hands out, Techno kicking his legs out, trying to scoot away. “No, no-” Techno chokes out, heart slamming into his ribs. He’s going to die, he’s going to die here, he should’ve known, Phil was never human, he was never human at all-“I should’ve told you earlier.” Phil smiles, kneeling down to Techno’s level. He’s not reaching out anymore, but he’s not leaving either. “Sorry again for the scare. That was a bit much, huh?”Techno blinks. “What?”

OrPhil is not quite human, but he’s still very much a dad, with two children he loves very much. 

Techno gets adopted into the family.

He was not informed of this.”

We Don't Make The Rules, We Simply Break Them ✅✅✅(Dragonire) 8/10 - hero/villain/vigilante AU, SBI family arch, angst, family problems, Wilbur main antagonist, temporary character death, tommy centric

“Are you—fucking mad?” Sentinel heaves. “You asked for me,” Tommy pants, trying not to show pain but knows he’s not succeeding as he heaves air like a man starved. “You asked the heroes to hand me over in exchange for the hostages. You’ve seen me fight. Zyghost knows too.” He knows that Tommy can’t jump anymore, but that’s all of it. Maybe they’re thinking his electricity and power shocks is something tied to his teleportation, but they can’t know the true extent of Tommy’s “power” and he’s pretty sure that that is what’s keeping him alive.

“You want to poke me,” he hisses, although it doesn’t sound nearly as threatening as he wants, when he’s so goddamned tired and hurt and fucking aching. “You want to prod me. You want to figure out my powers. Either you think I’m your new bargaining chip or your new protégé you want to torture into submission,” he spits, hitting the nail on its fucking head when Sentinel freezes in his sights. “Well I’m fucking neither. I’m Theseus, illegal fucking vigilante and two of your hostages happened to be my family.

“And this is personal, bitch.”

Or: Being a vigilante isn’t simple—or legal—but Tommy refuses to sit on the sidelines.

saltwater in the afternoon❌ - (bonesandthebees (bonesandcacti)) 8/10- Mer Au, Tommy adoption AU, SBI + Bench Trio, tommy centric

“So, like, how much did this entire getup run you?” Tommy asked, glancing up to the guy’s face again. “This looks like big movie budget level makeup or something. It couldn’t have been cheap.”

The guy clenched his jaw. “It’s not a fucking costume,” he grit out between his teeth.

“Look, I’m not an idiot, pal,” Tommy scoffed. “It’s a little weirdchamp that your only hobbies seem to be dressing up like a mermaid to swim around at night, and trying to convince random teenagers you meet that you’re a real fucking mermaid.”

or, Wilbur's first time meeting a human doesn't go as expected

Baby Steps ❌(SilverWing15) 8/10 - hybrid Au, adoption Au, Tommy centric, fluff

“Don’t tell me you’re scared of your own prisoner,” the piglin says, and there’s a mocking laugh in his voice and Tommy hates it, hates it, hates it! The humans always laughed at him and said he was scared. He’s not scared!

“I’m not scared!” He yelps, glaring at the piglin from around the tree. He’s not scared, but he’s not stupid either.

The piglin stares at him, his eyes wide, his mouth open a little bit and it shows even more of his big teeth. Tommy goes back behind the tree.

“I’m not scared!” he says again, “so you better not laugh at me!”

“I--I’m sorry?” the piglin says, and he sounds weird, kind of high pitched. “Come back here.”

How Much Earth Do You Carry In Your Lungs? ❌(Dragonire) - tommy centric, space AU, SBI ‘adoption’, fluff, aliens AU

The aliens haven’t experimented on him. They’re scared of him and Tommy is glad for it. Almost all.

The Demon, green-silver-mercury; tall, muscled with golden horns is the only one that isn’t. He doesn’t flinch whenever Tommy screams at him through the glass, when he pounds his fist or charges the door with a ducked shoulder and a brace for bruises, but neither does he appreciate it for long. He, at least, is the only one so far to threaten Tommy. It had only been a raised hand—the glass between them protecting Tommy from the violence and protecting the alien from his retaliation—but it was a threat, nonetheless. Unacted upon, because in all the weeks Tommy has been in his possession, he hasn’t made a move to come into his enclosure cell and do anything against him.

But that’s just the point. It’s been, weeks? A month? Nearly two? Tommy knows that the aliens’ patience is going to eventually run out at some point and he’s not keen to find out what will happen next. He’s expecting violence. He’s expecting pain, he’s expecting blood, he’s expecting….

He’s not expecting this.

Or: Humans will pack bond with anything.

Imprinted🟡8/10 (Euripides406BCE) - tommy centric, SBI, Bench trio, Hero/Villain/vigilante Au, Hybrid Au, Adoption:)

SBI superhero au- where civilian Tommy, with newly grown wings, dares to leave his apartment for the first time since manifesting them. He doesn't mean to end up in the midst of a hostage situation with the syndicate

Some SBI supervillain madness with some fun Origins shit thrown in!

Sedated 🟡9/10 ( grasstastic) - Tommy centric, SBI, Vampire AU, Possessive SBI, kinda dark

Tommy had heard the stories. Creatures of night, stalking the shadows with crimson eyes and eternal hunger. Everyone who wanted to keep their heart beating had a deadbolt on their door and an oak stake in their bedside table. 

He followed the rules for survival. He wasn’t stupid. He didn’t go out after dark, he didn’t leave the busy parts of town. 

He did everything right.

So why was there an undead being sprawled below his kitchen window?

This is just a terrible way to die. And the thing broke his window on the way in. Fucking great. 

A smile tugs at the creature’s mouth, the corners just barely pulling up, the smallest flash of fangs. 

“Ayup.”  

OrCrimeboys but one of them is a vampire. Another instance in which someone asks me if I'm just a crimeboys writer pretending to be an sbi writer, and I repeatedly prove, Yes.

Few mercies for fools 🟡 ( MathanLin) 7/10 - SBI, War, Tommy centric, ANGST, Magic AU

“Bullshit. That’s the dumbest thing you could do.”

“And why would that be?”

Too many responses to count flashed through Tommy’s mind. This man was going to kill him, there was no denying that. No denying that Tommy had been stupid. That mantra had gotten him through the night, sure, but it wasn’t true, and now he was going to die.

In the forest, he didn't know what was coming to kill him. Now, though, he knew it would be this man, with his soft cloak and softer eyes, Tommy wasn’t so afraid.

Might as well encourage him to make it quick.

“Because I know where you live, you rebel fuck,” he spat. “I know exactly where we are.” /// Or, the SBI coven adopts a foul-mouthed child soldier with trust issues.

Storgē 🟡(Dragonire)8/10 - Magic AU, Tommy Centric, Hybrid AU, SBI, Mainly fluff

“Fucking—let—me—go!” he snarls, wrapping both hands around the length of the rope, painfully aware of the laughter ringing through the trees; the sounds of feet crashing through bracken; and Tommy—he doesn’t understand why the rope isn’t burning, why the frayed strands aren’t catching—it’s just a length of rope used for hunting, its not important enough to be enchanted, no one would waste coin enchanting rope to make it fireproof when it’s only use is to be part of a snare and nothing more. 

The voices are getting louder and Tommy is running out of time.There’s a trail of smoke where something just barely catches alight and Tommy doesn’t bother with a cry of victory—not when he’s not free, not when he’s still suspended up in the air, dangling by his foot, trying to burn through his shoe so that he can gain favour towards escape or free his knife—

“Oh my god Techno, your snare caught a child!”

🩵 - Every rating above 10/10 is highly recommended ( it's also has a blue heart next to it ) 

✅ - Good read-time/ 20 chapters and above

🟡 - Meh read-time / Minor storylines

❌ - pretty bad read-time/ oneshots

*-    work originally uploaded on wattpad but can be found on Ao3

Other fics that i've read but didn't bother to write about:

When the curtains fall - REALLY GOOD, SBI centric, sitcom show AU

Step by step to mortality - immortality AU , SBI centric but mainly phil

can't wait to be king - Royalty AU, SBI centric

scaled schemes - shapeshifter AU, SBI centric

under the brine - Fae AU, SBI centric

the fall of icarus - hero/villain /vigilante Au, SBI centric

baby birds - hybrid AU, SBI FLUFF

godling - God au, SBI centric

my rommate is a vigilante - hero/villain/vigilante AU

shut up and drive - Drag racing AU, SBI centric

Sir, this is a Drive Thru - Hero/villain/vigilante AU, SBI centric

Yet a trace - Hero/villain/vigilante AU, SBI centric

Gladiator - Magic/hybrid AU, SBI centric

I really need somebody to call my own - singer AU/ adoption AU, tommy and wilbur centric

I love you Beary much - hybrid au, tommy and wilbur centric

the day music died - God AU, wilbur and tommy centric

I'm Ok with that - silent_flower21 -

There's a Baby Dragon in my Flowers - Dragon hybrid/ magic AU, SBI fluff

TommyInnit's wild adventure through a Kidnapping, a couple of Murders, and a really scary Thunderstorm. -Cryptid Au, SBI Centric

From underneath the stormdrain - Cat shifter AU , SBI centric

won't you open up the sunroof (in my head) - Soulmate AU, SBI centric

Pink hair and pixie dust - pixie/fae AU, SBI centric

Royal debt - royal Au, SBI centric

pen to skin to heart - Soulmate AU, SBI centric

In an Old World so Different - Canon Divergence Au, Tommy centric

Peeps - Hybrid AU, and SBI FLUFF

Catalysm ( sequel: antecendent) - Royal Au, SBI centric

Distrust Their Name - Fae AU, SBI centric

run boy, run - hero/villain/vigilante AU, SBI centric

My sworn enemy brother mine - royal Au, technoblade and wilbur centric

Blackwater pond - superpowers AU, SBI centric

Caging a Wild Animal - hero/villain/vigilante Au, SBI centric

and if i come home how will i ever leave - little red riding hood au, SBI centric

Small Death and Codeine, - dark vampire SBI Au

Cherry Wine - dark vampire SBI Au^2

What ever remains, however improbable - detective au, tommy and wilbur

Series : 

I'm Writing Fanfiction About Block Men God Help Me ( SilverWing15) - The collection with a LOT of good writing in it. Would recommend 10/10.

Wait That's Illegal ( SilverWing15) - Again a collection of fics by the amazing SiverWing15

I am Still Writing Fanfiction About Block Men God Can No Longer Help Me ( SiverWing15)  - Sequel of ‘I’m Writing Fanfiction About Block Men God Help Me’. Just a general collection of fics if you don't know where to go, it is mainly one-shots and all written by SilverWing15.

Aerie  (blujamas, thcscus(bluejamas) - The good stuff ( aka Passerine and sequels) 

RRR trilogy ( Aria_Cinabun)  - Phoenix AU, with PLOT.

And goddess said let there be chaos (itsultraviolet) -  Sequels to ‘of wilder things’; Just Fluff. ( and nothing more ) 

The Children of the Stars  ( Aria_Cinabun) - One of the best Star Trek AUs, although the last book is not finished the first book is still an excellent read.

From ice to water ( Drhair76, plantform ) - Dream smp Winter Olympics AU, mainly fluff not much focused on plot.

Blood Brothers (Blood God!Tommy AU) ( lockergirl) - the title says it all.

Honeybee (ophan_account) - Vigilante AU with Tubbo POV.

Rules are made to be broken ( Dragonire) - We Don't Make The Rules, We Simply Break Them sequels

Starchild ( Dragonire ) - Tommy space AU with SBI gang, sequels to 

Let God Say Fuck  ( DeerlyAza, OfFeathersAndWax )  - sequels to And the Universe said: "I'm not a fucking child!" 

Authors 

SilverWing15 - If you like one shots, go to him/her/them. Excellent writing, most of it is  fluff, sometimes write multi-chapter fics, but not long. Signature work/s: One man’s trash ( is another man’s brother) 

Aria_Cinabun - Mainly Plot, with SBI fluff mentions. Writes for mcyt characters, not just dream smp. Signature work/s: RRR trilogy and the children’s rebellion series

Bonesandthebees - More plot based with minor SBI fluff. Signature work/s: Tommyinnit’s clinic for supervillains 

Sircantus - you can trust him for SBI fluff, you won’t find any dark content in his/her/their works. Signature work: I was a kid in a village, doing alright, then I became a prince overnight 

Dragonire - really good fanfic writer with art!

#dream smp #dsmp #fanfic #ao3 fanfic

[roobylavender]

Why don't you like modern takes on Selina?

i don't think she really has the capacity anymore to survive as a character without needing to be supplanted by bruce. the long halloween gets a lot of praise as a standalone story but i think bringing it (and dark victory and when in rome by extension) into canon with hush was one of the worst editorial decisions made with regards to her character bc not only did it reframe the nature of her relationship with bruce entirely, it also hugely undermined the independence selina had developed as a character in the first decade of post-crisis canon. there's a recurring theme in that trilogy of books of selina looking to be saved by someone: falcone, bruce, even her brief italian lover who is so inconsequential i can't remember his name. it stands as a stark contrast to the selina of catwoman (1989) and catwoman (1993) who recognized that the only way she could survive in the world was to fend for herself bc no man would respect her first as a priority. the entire thesis of selina's grand entry into post-crisis canon rests on the idea that catwoman is an identity birthed from a defiance of men and their violence and greed. the humiliating cat suit her pimp tells her to wear is repurposed and reclaimed bc no man owns her or can control her at their leisure

i think a lot of people, esp these days, tend to argue that they're tired of women needing to be fierce and strong and cold and that they deserve to be soft, but i can never really swallow that argument when it comes to selina bc of how clearly it's framed to support a certain interpretation of her relationship with bruce. no person who genuinely cares for selina can say she's only capable of ferocity and coldness. she has her moments of compassion and love but they're merely kept for the people she truly cares about rather than doled out at leisure. people have an issue with selina being fierce and cold bc it acts as a direct obstacle to her relationship and qualms with bruce. i'm always surprised by how people are so eager for her to rightfully call out bruce's hypocrisies only to want for her to be falling at his feet the next moment. there's a running joke that the ideal relationship between them is cohabitation where selina gets to go on heists at leisure. on a surface level i understand it's entertaining, but it offers no real narrative value beyond fan service. even more than that it's not realistic. the selina of the early 90s would never have been comfortable in that world of riches knowing how she had lived and struggled her entire life. she wanted to survive and she obv stole to survive but wealth wasn't her goal for the costume; her goal was notoriety and recognized defiance of the system and more than anything a life lived on her own terms. i'm always confused why there's such an aversion to selina standing her ground and making bruce do the work to come to her side of things when it would make for far more compelling storytelling that would challenge bruce as a character in ways that are desperately needed and it would honor selina's integrity as a character by prioritizing her needs over those of fans who simply want to see their two favorite characters together. there is an enormous potential to write a compelling romance between bruce and selina that balances their contrasting sociopolitical ideologies but bc the popular perception of romance is consummation and marriage readers aren't satisfied by anything less or anything more complex

on a more minor note: i really really hate the plot development towards the end of catwoman (1993) where selina becomes obsessed with wealth and power. i'm not sure if it's a consequence of writers trying to bring in more of the queen of the underworld vibe from golden and silver age depictions of selina but i don't think it really fits with what selina is crafted to be in the early 90s. to me it's more than enough of a clever nod to older iterations of selina that notoriety and defiance are priorities for her in the costume. those are very much character traits the golden age catwoman exemplifies down to her last appearance written by bob kane. i don't think pursuit of wealth for wealth's sake needs to be added to her character at all and while i understand readers love her role as a philanthropist millionaire from catwoman (2002) onward i, again, don't think it does anything for her as an individual. it is very much a development used to parallel her to bruce rather than afford her personal worldview anything of substance (well, beyond her brief phase of remorse). and this may be stretching it a bit but i think it reflects on the shame some readers feel at the idea that selina is from a working class background. it kind of goes back to what i was saying about how people want selina to call out bruce's hypocrisies but they don't want her to actually have to exemplify any of them. they want her to be able to criticize bruce within the comfort of her own mansion rather than be witness to any of the circumstances that make her so angry and fiercely protective of the people like her. and when i pointed that out once for some reason people got angry and thought i was implying selina deserves no stability in her life whatsoever, but that's not what i'm saying at all. she does deserve to be stable. more than anyone in fact. but she doesn't need a mansion to be stable, and she knows that. if she could live in peace with the people she loved without the threat of violence from men she would be content. she's never asked for more than that and i don't see why she needs to

#outbox #this is so long sorry omg. i have a lot of thoughts on her i love her very much and her progression saddens me deeply

[mitchipedia]

We have seen ”Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny,” and I have thoughts

It was very enjoyable. I see fans ranking it as third of the five Indy movies. I’ll go with that.

They did a great job de-aging Harrison Ford for the opening sequence. Apparently this was a result of skilled direction as much a CGI; I noted they cut the camera away from Indy when he was about to do something too athletic, and then cut back to him when the athletic thing was complete. Often, action featuring Indy was shot from the rear.

This quick-cutting was also done in scenes where 1969-Indy is being athletic. For example, in the scene where Indy steals a police horse, we see him standing next to the horse, then we see him on the horse, but we don’t see him getting on the horse. Presumably octogenarian Harrison Ford understandably had a little trouble there.

Still, Ford is in fantastic shape for an 80-year-old. He’s in good shape for any age.

When we watched the second “Ant-Man” movie, where they de-aged Michael Douglas for flashback scenes, I noticed that Douglas looked young, but moved like an older man, a little stiff, like his joints bothered him. Ford doesn’t have that stiffness.

In another instance of casting an older man in an action movie: The 1996 “The Rock” starred Sean Connery, then 66 years old. I noted at the time that the camera cut away whenever the action called for Connery to run.

They had the right amount of pathos at the beginning. A friend who works in Hollywood said Hollywood writers eventually come to hate their characters, and start to torture them, which often makes long-running TV shows hard to watch. Similarly, at least one of the Tobe Maguire Spider-Man sequels was a downer, featuring depressed Peter Parker. “Dial of Destiny” could have gone that way, as we open the 1969 sequence with washed-up sad lonely Indiana Jones. But the movie spent just the right amount of time on that bit, before launching into the action, where Indy perks up.

They had the right amount of fanservice. Sometimes it seems like you need to take a college class to appreciate the Marvel movies, or Star Trek, or Doctor Who, what with all the references to events and characters from previous movies and TV. “Dial of Destiny” had just the right amount of that kind of thing. Hey, it’s John Rhys Davies, and there’s Indy’s fedora, bullwhip and leather jacket. Cool.

Harrison Ford does a great oh-shit face. I feel like this is a formula in every Indiana Jones movie. Indy does something swashbuckly and sneers at his enemies. He enjoys the triumph for a moment and then realizes he’s badly outnumbered and outgunned. Oh, shit.

I was surprised by character development and feelings at the end. Didn’t expect quite so much heart.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge almost stole the movie. And stealing an Indiana Jones movie from Harrison Ford is something. I could absolutely watch a series of Indiana Jones sequels featuring Waller-Bridge. There’d be a scene at the beginning of each movie where her character consults with Indiana Jones for a few minutes, but that would be the extent of Indy’s involvement in the movie.

I could also watch a series of movies featuring Archimedes as Bronze Age Indiana Jones. I don’t think the ancient Greeks or Romans had giant arrows that could be used to shoot down fighter planes. I don’t think they had much in the way of artillery at all, unless you count catapults as artillery. Did they even have catapults? Idk. But the Ancient Greece bits were fun.

The movie did a great job recreating 1969 New York. I grew up on Long Island, and spent time in New York in in the mid-late 1970s, and it was like that.

[sapphire-weapon]

I just wanted to say that as a person in their early 20s who only just got into resident evil after re8, it was so fun finding your blog and scrolling through all the little blurbs you’ve got. fandom elders always have the best resources and lore and make spaces a million times better, so thank u for mentioning all the little game details and fandom notes that would’ve been forgotten or missed otherwise to newcomers!!

on another note, i wanted to ask if you had any amusing/chaotic tidbits relating to the re fandom in its earlier days, whether it be speculations of scenes or character directions or interactions that people were so sure were going to happen in later re games that absolutely did not happen, fics that were really influential, insane fanwar stories, memes that used to be rlly prolific and now don’t really come up, etc. it’s something i love to discover about fandoms because it rlly is a “you had to be there,” type of information that people don’t document the way they would with canon developments that you can easily find on wikipages

Anon... I'm gonna fucking cry. 😭 This is exactly what I wanted this blog to become once I realized I was falling back into RE hell. Anything that I can do to make this canon more accessible to new people, I want to do it. I think I've said this before, but I literally cannot imagine what it must be like getting into this series this late in the game, because RE is terrifyingly huge and abstract and very old by video game standards.

As for the second part of your ask... Man, I have so many stories. I won't tell all of them, because if I try to, it'll be weeks before I can post this LMAO so let me just break this up into sections and I'll tell whatever the first stories that pop into my head are.

FAN THEORIES

So, historically, RE fandom was never big on fan theories. Fan theories and meta were something that Silent Hill people did, not so much RE people.

BUT there is one that refuses to die, and I have seen people scream about it as recently as Revelations 2.

People are convinced that Steve Burnside is going to come back. This drum has been getting banged ever since the original Code Veronica released in 2000, and even though it has literally never been hinted at at any point in the 23 years since then that Capcom even remembers that that was a possible thing that was set up, the fandom is still waiting for it to happen.

And it's all because Wesker stole his body and fucked off with it and was a complete asshole about it when he did it. That's it, that's the whole reason.

But then that also ties into the fact that there are still people who are convinced that Wesker didn't actually die in RE5 and that he's gonna come back any day now, guys, really -- and that's just a whole level of death denial I've never seen before. Dude got hit with two rocket launchers in the middle of an active volcano. YOU LITERALLY DO NOT GET MORE DEAD THAN THAT.

INFLUENTIAL FICS

Surprisingly, none. RE didn't have an "I Know What's Beneath the Snow Fields" or a "Walk This World." There were influential authors, though. I won't name them because I have no idea where they are now or if they're still around, but. I will say that there was one very influential fic writer in Cleon fandom who utilized literally so many headcanons in her fics that her characters were utterly unrecognizable. Some of the headcanons blatantly contradicted canon, even. But her writing style and her prose were so, so, so fucking good that it didn't matter. For a while, Cleon fandom almost became like a cult around her fics -- and, as someone who only dabbled in Cleon because my friends shipped it, but I had no personal stake in the ship myself -- it was really, really weird to watch this go down.

INSANE FAN WAR STORIES

I was going to go off on a huge thing about the Aeon vs Cleon wars, but seeing as how they're still fucking happening for some god forsaken dumbass reason, I decided not to.

So, we'll forget that. And while this isn't a war story, exactly, I do need to give a special shoutout to the Wesker wives of old.

If you are at all familiar with the stories of old school Final Fantasy VII fandom of girls who convinced themselves that they married Sephiroth on the astral plane -- guess what. RE fandom had those girls, too, and we called them Wesker wives.

There was one really prominent one on LiveJournal back in the day who used to get art commissioned of her and Wesker together, and she would post pictures of herself "in uniform" for him, and like. Would legitimately write as though she was actually married to the fictional character Albert Wesker. She'd answer questions from people and shit.

And she was really, really pretty, so everyone was just kind of stunned by this, because this girl very clearly took care of herself and worked out and knew how to do her hair and makeup -- she always looked really good -- and it was just like... how did someone like you fall so far off the reality wagon?

And then it slowly started to come out that she maybe had some nazi ideology behind her and kept referring to Wesker has her Aryan king or someshit, and that was about the point where my Jewish ass backed away from that whole trainwreck and stopped paying attention to it, so I don't actually know how this story ends.

MEMES

So, uh. If you've been on the fandom side of the internet long enough, you'll at least have heard of the "it's over 9000" meme, even if you're not into Dragon Ball or ever seen an episode of it in your life.

Well, the same guy who started that meme also left his mark on RE fandom, too. The whole "Jill sandwich" thing was always a meme in its own right, but "Hope this is not Chris's blood" was added onto it thanks to this video. So, "Hope this is not Chris's blood" was a big, big meme in the late aughts that I really don't see around anymore. It was used as a sort of... shitpost response to a shitpost, if that makes sense? Like, your friend sends you some obviously stupid bullcrap or a dumb meme and you just respond back "hope this is not chris's blood."

This cap from Code Veronica was a huge meme for a long time, too, and I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW WHY

And then.

There was this masterpiece. Do not watch this with other people in the room unless your willingness to let others bear witness to your own cringe is very high. It's also NSFW. And, actually, this video might be the single oldest meme in RE fandom history. The YT link I provided here is not the original source of it. It was some stupid fan edit that was making its rounds on Kazaa, and I'm not joking. I want to say this edit is no younger than OG RE2 (so 1998).

And I would negligent in my duties as a fandom historian if I did not introduce you to the glory that is Resident Evil 4 Days of Our Lives. I STILL QUOTE THIS SHIT, TO THIS DAY.

Like, this is me on plurk referencing this stupid fucking shit as I'm liveplurking my very first playthrough of RE4R:

There was a part of me that was honestly kind of upset when the two cops at the beginning of RE4make didn't actually say to Leon, "I hear no one listens to you. Is that true, Captain Cubscout?" because that is unironically the single greatest line of dialogue that was ever written to be said by any character to Leon Kennedy, and it was written by some fuckin college kids back in the mid aughts.

And that's all I can think of for right now.

Thank u for indulging my old person desire to ramble on about "BACK IN MY DAY........." I appreciate u.

ETA: ok like i know i said i was only gonna mention shit that i could think of at the time that i responded to the ask but there is one more meme that i would be remiss to not mention

#resident evil #i'm so fuckin old dude #holy shit #any other RE fandom olds that wanna contribute to this pls do