#also those fucking images tia whAT

[thewolvesof1998]

WIP Wednesday

Seeing as I got everyone in their feels the other day with my seven sentence Sunday I thought I would apologise with some silliness. The is from my secret fic that I finally picked up again:

“What were you doing right before I called you?” She asks and an image of pale skin against his navy sheet, fingers twisting in his hair as he swallows down and his room filled with the breathy sounds Buck makes when he’s close.  He dispels the image and faines ignorance because he certainly can’t confess to his aunt exactly what he had been up to before he received her call, Sorry Tia I was blowing my best friend, you know Buck right? and he was about to fuck me into the mattress, he didn’t want to give her a heart attack and also not the way he wanted to come out to his family, “What do you mean, what was I doing?” “What were you doing?” She repeats herself and Eddie can see she’s not going to let this go.  “I was,” He pauses, he’s never really been good at lying, so he sticks close to the truth, “At home, Christopher spent the night at a friend’s house,” He remembers texting Buck those very same words and the excited response he had gotten from his boyfriend. That was new, Boyfriend, it seemed juvenile for everything Buck represents in his life but Eddie never got to use that word when he was young so by god is he using it whenever he can now. “I hadn’t had time to figure out my day. It’s-It’s Saturday.” He had been planning to spend his one day off naked in bed with his boyfriend until they had to go pick up his son, that was until he got Pepa’s desperate call about a leaky pipe. Buck hadn’t even been that disappointed, a little frustrated but he knew it was family and he’d promised he would be there waiting for Eddie when he got back. 

Tagged by the lovely @theotherbuckley

Tagging: @wikiangela @wildlife4life ​ @eddiebabygirldiaz @disasterbuckdiaz @spotsandsocks @try-set-me-on-fire @jesuisici33 @bekkachaos @buddierights @spagheddiediaz @911-on-abc @hippolotamus @shitouttabuck @911onabc @exhuastedpigeon @malewifediaz @your-catfish-friend @loserdiaz @ladydorian05 @watchyourbuck @king-buckley @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese @daffi-990 @fortheloveofbuddie @steadfastsaturnsrings @mangacat201 @hoodie-buck @eowon @rainbow-nerdss @nmcggg @pirrusstuff @evanbegins @giddyupbuck @sammysouffle @smilingbuckley @diazsdimples @carrierofthepaperclips @jeeyuns  @thosetwofirefighters @monsterrae1 @princehattric @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @singlethread @devirnis @puppyboybuckley

#9-1-1 #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie fic #thewolvesof1998 writes #wip wednesday #Wolf's secret fic

[neverchecking]

(Work has been kicking my ass. Pray for me.)

The image of Tia observing the pirate ships carefully and trying to come up with a plan to take them out slowly and methodically, only for Sage to race past her, flame sword in hand, and she's just like left in the dust for a few moments, blinking bewilderedly, is hysterical to me. She's trying so hard to keep them both safe, but it's like herding a very angry tiger. Tia kinda just gives up and throws herself after him, while making sure there's at least a little raft to get them back to shore so they don't have to swim.

Meanwhile, Aaliyah and Sweetpea are speedrunning the term 'Mass Property Damage'. Because Aaliyah is used to 'Fuck Around and Find Out" Sage and Sweetpea is used to "One Hit or Bust" Tia. There's a lot of explosions happening in a very short period of time.

(Sage and Sweetpea share a single look of She can never know she's right when Aaliyah tells them bombs are better before they both start arguing their cases again. Although it does start another argument over whether bomb arrows or barrels are better.)

Sages' Secret Clubroom. A place of mystic reverence. A place where you may gain the wisdom of your predecessors. A place where you may seek refuge among your fellows. A place where you may train your mind and soul in solitude. A place where Sweetpea keeps getting his ass kicked at the Hyrule Version of Uno by Riju and Tulin and no one helps him. Not even Sidon. The betrayal! (Only Aaliyah knows how Sweetpea managed to get a whole bunch of squishy pillows into the Realm, but she's refusing to tell anyone.)

Hateno chills out severely once Natura is fully removed from the house and Ariel takes back over. Cause No One wants to be the one to tell the overprotective big brothers and sisters that Ariel got caught up in some silly fight or someone made her cry. Ariel is every bit as sweet and curious as her original big siblings but had gotten a lot less tolerant for bullshit when confronted with some villagers trying to start something with her new ones. (Ariel was also just straight up "Oh, you brought home a strange Sheikah woman who's from an alternate Hyrule and wants to get back to her version of you, but the Hyrules have merged and now she and her Link are now here permanently? I think you mean MY new Big Brother and Big Sister now." The immediate urge to Adopt is strong in Sweetpea and Ariel.)

(The only thing Ariel and Sweetpea don't fix back is the little secret hideout in the back. They use it as a mushroom garden. Which Sweetpea takes great delight in showing Sage only to get a mushroom shoved into his mouth to stop the grinning.)

Sage and Aaliyah mellowing out a bit because now they get actual recognition? Appreciation? Respect?! for what they went through and for their boundaries. Tia's treating them just as she would anyone else and Sweetpea is worming his way into their hearts (like the zero self-preservation fungus he is) and everyone in their Hyrule is just so much more understanding? Like they all know the Calamity and the Upheaval sucked from their end so being in the heart of it must've especially sucked. So Tia's Hyrule is immediately 'Our Heroes now. No Take Backies. Even if they nibble at first.' (A new slang starts going around. Talk Shit, Get Bit.)

(I totally get it. I work in a pizza place and every day I'm left drained from doing a job meant for four people and I'm only one ;-;)

Tia is so over Sage's shit by the third pirate ship. At that point she's learned to catch him, practically choking him out before he can get past her. She's trying to give him the backup he's used to, but it's hard because him and Aaliyah had such a wordless way of communicating, it's difficult getting him out of those habits.

Aaliyah and Sweetpea speedrunning Hyrule cracks me up. Together they are the one hit wonders and should it take more than one hit, that thing better fucking run because they aren't doing a third. It's a wonder Hyrule stays standing after they're through with it. Something not working? Blow it up. Something did work, but they have no need for it? Blow it up. This random 'traveler' is talking about bananas?

Blow 'em up.

(THE SILENT AGREEMENT THAT SHE CANNOT BE RIGHT ISNOFFB Even Tia knows better than to boost the ego like that. Who knows what kind of person she'd become should she know the truth. Know what she could become. She's just glad they aren't going through practical experimentation to support their arguments.)

(...Yet.)

Them playing the Hyrule version of Uno is so great because there is no way the sages aren't competitive. They all are. Tulin and Riju are those little siblings that make you pick up twelve only to throw a fit when you turn it around and hit them with a pickup sixteen. Yunobo barely knows what's going on half the time. Sidon hides cards. (It's their best kept secret. Believe it or not, that's where the go to gush about their respective partners when they can't sleep to the other. Probably have wedding binders up there and everything.)

Ariel is the most protected individual in Hyrule lmao. Like imagine these two figures, cloaked in dark robes and just oozing dangerous energy walk into town. People are closing doors and windows, shops are flipping signs and then boom! The village's sunshine child is running right up to them with a gleeful smile and cheers. People are gasping in horror at what could possibly happen to the child only for the taller of the two to scoop her up and throw her into the air, making her burst out in happy giggles. The shorter one is digging through their side bag only to produce a gorgeous sundelion and putting it behind her ear, giving her own greeting with a hair ruffle. That's how people learn that Ariel now has four siblings and two will commit murder no second thought needed. (Possibly all four)

(The urge to Adopt is an inherited trait LMAO)

(Sage is cursing every well for starting that secret hideout. He wants them GONE, but he can't say no to Ariel sweet face. He's a sucker for her.)

Sweetpea working his way into Sage's heart will never not be funny. Like Mikey and Raph from TMNT. "Sage is just a big fluffy teddy bear <3 If big fluffy teddy bears were incredibly violent." And Tia's hyrule just adopting the new heroes FHFFB ( Talk shit, Get bit is the new thing. Everyone is saying it and the best part? Sage and Aaliyah are completely unaware they are the ones who started it. They just think it's some quirky new thing.)

#cinder rambles #switch au #with aaliyah and tia :)

[somber-sayings]

Dear Dad,

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote to you. I got offered a full-time position at my job. They like me, I guess. Or they like the work I do. I'm going to accept the position. I just hope I can manage it, going a full eight hours without stopping. Also, I found out why I'm so tired all the time. Doc told me last month that I've got PCOS, which basically just means, "Hey, your lady-junk is working against you, your hormones are fucked, and your insulin in fucked, too." So that's fun. I'm managing. But yeah, it explains why I'm so fatigued constantly.

Tia finally broke up with her good for nothing boyfriend. I'm proud of her, I know it wasn't easy. But she's my best friend, and I never wanna see her hurt like that again.

Mom and Julian are still the same, I guess. Julian does okay most days. But other days, I can tell the kid is struggling to hang on. I don't know what else to do to help. How do I tell someone, "hey don't kill yourself, I literally cannot handle one more person I care about dying or leaving?" I don't know.

And then there's my fiancé. You know, nobody tells you what it's like falling in love with someone who's twice your age. No one ever tells you how scary it is, knowing that they'll most likely go before you. And you'll just be stuck here, carrying that grief like a stone in your pocket for however many more decades you'll live...He had a cardiac event today. Nothing serious, but scary enough that he's heading to the hospital to get it more thoroughly checked out. And he started talking to me about insurance and wills, everything he could leave behind. And I hated it. I hated hearing him talk about those things. Because it means facing the reality that he really will be gone long before I am. And I can't image living any amount of time without someone like him in my life.

But yeah. Everything is going so fast. And I feel like I can barely keep up. I still miss you. I always will. Thanks for listening to me rant again, dad. Love you.

[demonfamilytherapist]

Demon Form Ranking

Thanks Tia for the tag!

I'm not putting an image for each one... sorry. In rough order, from worst to best!

Team 'What the FUCK are you guys wearing'

Satan - this one should surprise absolutely no one, and yet it's personal for me. I love the horns. I love the tail. I even like the boa and the rib tie. But I cannot forgive the fucking... white dots on the pants??? What did you do, Satan? Did you wash them with bleach? Absolutely disgusting. And I know he's covering a bunch of skin, but everyone else has some sort of markings/tattoos. Where are Satan's?

Asmo - Another one where I love the concept but not a fan of the execution. His wings and horns are adorable, and I really like the scorpion actually? But I dislike the weird buckled pant leg (asymmetry is cute, but how many buckles do you need? And grey and black?). I also don't like the bare arms, or maybe it's just the tight cuffs? Points for the hearts though.

Belphie - This one may be controversial but. I think it just looks silly. What are those buckles supposed to connect to, bestie? Why can I see your ankles? Why are you wearing parachute pants???? Belphie does get points, however, for the cutouts on the sleeves echoing the cow pattern on the torso. I can't decide whether I love or hate the horseshoe, so I won't comment further on that.

Also, I always forget how fluffy his tail is... he gets extra points for fluffy tail.

Team 'You made an effort but I can't give you full marks'

Barbatos - The colours are cute, love the tail and the veins on it, and I think the horns are very cute. It feels relatively plain, but I can't bring myself to hate it. Points on for good tailoring, points off for the mindfuck his shoulder ruffles deliver unto me.

Diavolo - Don't get me wrong, I do like this design generally. I like the gold tipped wings and horns, and the gradient on his wings is gorgeous. I also like the fur and all the gold details, it definitely lets you feel he's royalty. Let's just say everything above the waist gets full marks... but the pants just feel insanely visually busy to me. I don't know whether to focus on the white loincloth, the gold sparklies, the gold dots, or just give in and stare at his boots. At least the boots look kinda cool.

Beelzebub - I really like the silhouette here, the tight tank, and Beel's is possibly the only design where the excess buckles don't bother me, because they blend visually with his outfit. The jacket's a little visually busy (love the spikes, I think I'd be fine with it without the little rings?) and I'm not sure how I feel about the boots. I think if there was a little extra pizazz I'd be happy with this, maybe if his wings were more translucent/reflective as they are in fan art?

Team 'Understood the assignment'

Lucifer - I don't know if I can put into words how much it pains me to put Lucifer this high up, but I can't deny his demon outfit is just plain good. I love the balancing of the black/red, I love that it fits his character to have such a grand outfit, the inclusion of the peacock theme, his wings (which I feel should be bigger, but I'm willing to accept he's keeping them partially folded). He's kept from top ranking because if I compliment him too much my soul will shrivel up and I'll die.

Mammon - I guess the eldest bros just brought their A game? It makes sense given that he's a model and all for him to have a good outfit. The horns look delicate but super sharp, and the bone detailing on the wings looks incredible. I like the spikes, the gold accents, and I even like the stupid little dangly bits on the collar. Everything totally suits his character. The only thing keeping it from being my absolute favourite is that I think all the diamonds on the sleeves are a bit too much.

Leviathan - This one might be a bit of bias shining through, but Levi looks so much like an outfit you'd design in your teenage emo phase and it somehow works. The mesh undershirt with the cozy hoodie? The little scales? I don't know if this is intentional, but his horns remind me so much of coral and I love how on-theme that is for him. Also love the recurring scale motif, it's just perfect for him. The only thing that I'm unsure of are the suspenders, which I can't decide if I hate or love.

#tag games #demon form ranking #can't tag anyone so do it if you want to

[phoenixyfriend]

Thoughts on “Auntie Soka and Little Leia” now that I’ve actually got it posted:

Call it a director’s cut! The process of actually writing the thing, and also jokes made along the way. Link to the actual fic.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the energy for image descriptions, even the text screenshots. Might come back that later. Most of this was DMs with @atagotiak​.

This was an entire thing before I even started writing:

Before I decided on ages and stuff Ahsoka, to Jango, who has had zero contact with Kaminoans: Okay I know I'm a Jedi kid so you hate me but this toddler is your clone from the future. Jango, tired: What the FUCK are you talking about. Rex, barely able to talk: Don't you dare leave me with him, Commander! Ahsoka: I'm not going to leave you I just--I'm so tired I'm so fucking tired I haven't slept in five days and someone tried to kidnap Leia two days ago I am so fucking tired I need help

Ben: [twenty years of depression followed by a 'now I'm safe' breakdown over the course of weeks] Sokari: [whatever the FUCK this mess is]

When Ahsoka mentions there only being three other Jedi at the time of her death,  I was thinking Kanan, Yoda, and Obi-Wan (Leia told her about the latter two living past her). She's not counting anyone that received training after the Temple fell, and she didn’t know about Cal.

When Leia says  “I was adopted and raised by one of the founders of the rebellion, a movement built on the desire to instate freedom and democracy in a galaxy that had lost even the pretense.”

Depa: I'm no therapist but I diagnose you with "incredibly fucked up." Ahsoka: yeah, that’s fair

"Why did you pick Depa for--" She's pretty and I'm gay. Also because of the Kanan thing But mostly I'm gay "It's not a visual medi--" GAY

Empty of context beyond general post-fic AU: "Hey Sokari, we need to engage in psychological warfare against this individual and--" "I'm going to break into his office and leave a threatening note on his desk and leave no other sign that I was there. He'll see that his security is nothing and the only reason he isn't dead is because I'm too nice to kill him." "...okay, not what we were planning, but that works. Why is that your first choice?" "I really like breaking and entering, it's soothing." Ben just standing there with a bland smile like This Is Normal.

"We need someone to infiltrate a highly guarded facility in hostile territory." "So we're sending the Torrent kids?" [sigh] "We're sending the Torrent kids."

Rex and Sokari insist on both going by "Torrent" even though Rex could be a Fett. Jango really wants him to be a Fett. Rex has too many grudges to agree to being a Fett for... a while.

I really hope it's blatantly obvious that Ahsoka's not a reliable narrator for some things Ahsoka: Fett could care less if I died Jango: jfc even if you are older than me I can see you're fucked up. Drink your hot chocolate. Hells. She's got good reason to expect him to hate her as a Jedi! BUT. THAT IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF REALITY

We don’t get a lot of actual characterization for Jango, but the way I played him out here is he has never really parsed that Jedi are people before all this. It's a lot harder to treat them as a monolith when the traumatized former child soldier is having regular breakdowns in your shitty little kitchen

Fett: I respect you Ahsoka: No, don't do that

Ahsoka’s vigilantism is something that, in my mind, she's associating heavily with Zygerria and then the clones.

I figured that she never bothered to learn Quinlan’s teacher’s name but in the process of looking up some basic facts (whether he had a surname), I found that Wookiepedia was forced to give us a VERY wide range of possible death in Legends.

Please take a moment to imagine Quinlan's FACE when Ahsoka initially dismisses him. Quinlan has put a lot of effort into being rogueishly charming! It's very useful for his line of work! He knows to expect either irritation or a return flirtation when he acts like this with people his own age! Ahsoka is not flustered OR rolling her eyes and insulting him, she's just ignoring him and it's a bit of a blow to the ego

This just makes me really happy:

This was the initial comment I made, as a joke What if Maul is just. There. On one of the planets they make a pitstop at. What if Maul exists as the walking problem he is, but fifteen, and Ahsoka immediately tries to kick his ass and drag him back to Coruscant. I do not have room for this plot but What If

Despite not having room for this plot, I proceeded to write this plot.

Maul is kidnapped and it’s the best thing that ever happened to him HE'S FIFTEEN HE'S DUMB AS SHIT AND HAS A BAD ATTITUDE AND YEAH HE'S A DARKSIDER BUT HE'S FIFTEEN

Ahsoka: I sense... Maul [takes off sprinting] Rex: [immediately takes Jango's blaster and runs after her] Jango: Wait who Tholme: Who Quinlan: Who Jango: [looks at Leia] Leia: I don't know who that is either! Ahsoka, already wrestling a teenager to the ground: Oh no, you're a child, REX STUN HIM AND GRAB THE CUFFS, I'M SURE FETT OR THOLME HAS SOME

Fighting him isn't even legal, they have NO evidence of criminal wrongdoing, so first she needs to yell until he admits to something she can fight him about

Ahsoka: When I see Maul, it's on SIGHT Maul: WHO ARE YOU

Ahsoka: The Force didn't give me hands just to NOT throw them when I run into That Crafty Son Of A Bitch

Ben, when they arrive, after the tearful reunion: You... you brought Maul. Ahsoka: Well, yeah, he's fifteen and kinda dumb. I figured we could drag him here and force him into therapy, see what happens. Ben: I can't quite tell through the gag, but I think he's threatening to feed you your own spleen. Ahsoka: Lol, yeah.

Ben is absolutely on team "get Maul therapy" and will fight the Council on rehabilitating the baby Sith But also it's like. Here's your daughter! And your niece! And your daughter's QPP! Also your best friend, but baby, and his teacher, and the biological origin of a number of people you cared for deeply! AND ALSO THE GUY WHO SPENT LITERAL DECADES CRAVING YOUR DEATH, FOR SOME REASON

I just really want Ahsoka lovingly bullying Maul She gives him noogies and the horns don't protect him because girl has reinforced gloves

Maul's only allowed a low-power training saber and his fights with Sokari involve Much Taunting by her and Eventual Screaming by him, and everyone pops by to see: 1. Sokari doing the most absurd flips, for fun. 2. The bullshit that is ataru-shien reverse-grip jar'kai in the hands of someone who makes it work 3. What a Sith lightsaber form looks like 4. Just the general nonsense that is the way these two fight

Tia said “Wrt ridiculous flips. I'm remembering that time she beheaded four Kryst'ad at once.” and I just Rex brings up the quadruple beheading at one point to get someone to stop asking questions and the awkward, horrified silence almost makes him regret it. And then Sokari just snorts and makes a joke about how Rex once speared a slaver point-blank and everyone's just like hello??? "are you two okay" "no"

Maul absolutely starts crushing on Sokari after a 'sword under chin' moment and she's just very "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you're fifteen, bye" GO MAKE PUPPY EYES AT OBI-WAN OR SOMETHING

The crushes are the worst part of everything, really, she's an attractive young woman that can kick a lot of ass, and a lot of people are into that! Unfortunately, most of those people are a decade younger than she is, mentally, because all the people her actual age look at her and see a child on account of the 17yo body.

It’s almost a good thing she’s in no place mentally for a relationship.

I just want Ahsoka to wear beskar.... I think that would be Nice........

This AU is also what caused this post.

I'm deeply enamored by the idea that Ahsoka can win fights against "older" padawans pretty much unilaterally, even when they team up 2v1 And then she offers to fight 5v1 "But only if I have permission to fight dirty." Ben approves it, a horror show full of "I fought many wars and will scream in your face or kick you in the balls if that's what it takes" follows She wins. There are no permanent injuries, but her reputation certainly gets weirder. Nobody under the rank of Knight agrees to let her fight dirty again. She just lets that stand because, well, she's not actually a padawan, she's thirty-three.

I’m not going to write this but my brain was EVIL and suggested it:

IT WOULD BE REALLY SAD IDK maybe 9yo Anakin has nightmares about what's happening to baby Ahsoka because bullshit about time-traveling force bonds IDK ANYWAY he cries to Sokari about the nightmares and she's like "oh shit" and it's time to go rescue herself from motherfucker unlimited

It's either that or she's like, expecting to welcome mini-me aaaany day now, for like, several months, before she realizes Something Went Wrong. Anakin’s dreams could even start right as she’s starting to realize something’s off.

Obi-Wan has never had a padawan that doesn't at some point bite Even Luke will, when pushed

OH also once the twins get Baby's First Lightsaber (training sabers, not real kyber), Sokari begs to borrow them for a dumb joke and tells Rex to get on her shoulders for a "Grievous Greeting" and they do The Thing

Jango and Ahsoka wrt Quinlan is just “Do I need to beat him up for you” “You realize I’ve beaten up sith lords before?”

JANGO'S TRYING He's just. "Can we be friends? Can I--can I be the guy that just noticeably gets in the way of a creep on the subway so you can be more comfortable without someone making a scene? I'm fucking trying here, give me a hint."

We didn’t actually figure out Jango’s age until this point. The only reason Fett's age matters is for Quinlan making a Wild Oats quip after Jango says he didn't know about Rex until a few weeks ago, and Fett going "How old do you think I am? And how old do you think the kid is?" and Quinlan getting Very Awkward as he does the math. Rex overhears and lets Quinlan sweat for a bit before saying "I'm a genetically-modified clone someone grew in a tube, he didn't know or have reason to know until he saw me with Sokari." Which is like. Eight additional layers of WTF, obviously, but at least Jango gets to avoid awkward wild oats jokes

Like, you’d expect the rebuttal to be ‘he’s my brother just with a biiig age gap’ or ‘he’s my nephew’

I find it very unfortunate for Quinlan that I've decided his defining characteristic in this context is going to be repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth

He’s trying so hard but "That sounds like a cool thing, maybe I'll ask ab--and it's another fucking trauma."

I'm doing Ahsoka&Jango t w i c e (there’s another fic where I’m doing it)

It’s just a fun dynamic! So much resentful respect.

Like she's twenty seconds away from calling him a bitch at any given time and he's just there like "I don't like you but I do see you move like you're about to tell an entire building to get on their knees with their hands in the air and I can respect that" Also she's probably much less judgmental about using blasters than Obi-Wan is The Maul subplot actually started with me daydreaming about Ahsoka grabbing a blaster for Reasons

I like the idea of Jango just deciding the most Useful thing he can do is help teach the Smol how to fight. He's AWKWARD around Rex and Soka because he doesn't know if there's anything he CAN teach them.

I didn’t actually plan for Tholme to figure out the age thing, he just SAID it and I had to sit there like Wait.

Ahsoka, Rex & Leia: ahhh, children Tholme: you say that like you aren’t children

I liked getting to write Rex's little "I have worked with all of them, and they're all Terrible" He loves them But They once got stranded on a planet that didn’t exist and Ahsoka died and Anakin killed a god.

There was research and discussion as to whether Ahsoka could win against Tholme but seeing as she held her own against Vader, and fought Grievous at that physical age without dying, etc.... yeah, the only thing holding her back was her body not being what she was used to, and she’s had a few weeks go adjust.

“I miss being able to just jump off skyscrapers” is such a jedi thing

Jango: I'll take the gun back if he tries to leave, they can't get far before--WHAT THE FUCK He knows Jedi are scary but he’s still not really used to just how over the top ridiculous they are He knows how to deal with Jedi in battle, not Whatever The Fuck These People Are Doing

Rex isn't even a Jedi, he's just so used to working with them. “Oh yes time for free-falling without a parachute again, same shit as always.”

Tia: I’m imagining Jango freaking out and Quinlan and Tholme being like. Concerned but mostly exasperated Clearly if they’re jumping off buildings it must be serious? But jfc they could’ve maybe communicated a bit more?

Leia: I want to finish my juice Tholme: Quin, stay with her while we go figure out what those two are doing. Quinlan: Wait what

Jango: Oh now he’s jumping off a building too??? Tholme: Sokari, you are not registered! You can't legally jump out windows yet! Jango: What the hell is going on? Is this normal?

We don’t necessarily know how often Ahsoka and Maul ran into each other after Mandalore. There was the later thing on Malachor, but other than that I'm just going with the idea that they ran into each other every year or two and just went for the eyes like feral cats

Ahsoka: I need to kick ass and you're coming with me. Rex: Yeah, okay. [several minutes later] Rex: Whose ass are we kicking?

Ahsoka and Rex

Neloms aren’t a SW fruit to the best of my knowledge, I just wanted to mess around with lemons/melons

Jango: you didn’t think any of this through, did you? Rex: you were there, you know we didn’t "When the Jedi says to jump out a window, I jump out a window."

Tholme’s real composed about stalking the ancient nigh-mythical enemy of his people, very “Life is already so goddamn weird”

This fic has been so heavy on the trauma but then I introduce Maul and suddenly it's the worst kind of comedy Nobody is competent, everyone's a little dumb, the bad guy is just grocery shopping

My propensity for banter has turned this into a six-person buddy cop comedy about Maul buying grapes They spend a significant amount to time ineffectually stalking Maul before Quin suggests the sensible option Quinlan just "You remember this is my literal job and specialty right"

Ahsoka sees Maul and all her brain cells go out the window except "Fight good" Usually she doesn’t need to worry about doing things legally. Maybe she needs to worry about someone seeing her do illegal things but she spent the past 15 yrs in a place where her existing was illegal

I feel like he’s also maybe kinda wanting to reassert that yes he is competent. Bc like. Ahsoka’s been kinda condescending this whole time and also can beat everyone up so. It's not his fault that he's actually the youngest person there, but.

Jango is finding this whole being friendly to Jedi thing a lot more overwhelming than he thought it would be. And overwhelming in different ways.

Maul usually signifies things getting worse and more horrifyingly tragic but he's just a dumb teen that they needed to arrest for his own good.

Quinlan: Look, I'm useful! Ahsoka: I've been through hell, wanna hear? Quinlan: NO. I DON'T. WHY.

Quinlan: I understand the concept of joking about your traumas, I do it sometimes myself! But sith hells that’s a lot of trauma.

Quinlan just wanted her to treat him as a Competent Individual, and here she is whipping out stories about Dying and Gods and the Force insists it's the truth and he just???? And apparently emo darksider over there is a Sith. And just, sure. Why not

A lot of people’s interactions with the time travelling disaster lineage is just

Tholme and Fett arguing and  Ahsoka's just waiting for a moment to pop in with "Hey, when's the last time either of you worked with the other's culture before this mess? Yeah, that's what I thought."

Much like Leia and Ahsoka hurting each other earlier, and Tholme figuring out the de-aging, we ALSO have Fett’s confrontation with Ahsoka being something the characters just did, rather than something I planned.

FTR the only time I managed to trigger myself while writing this fic was the “your behavior isn’t actually acceptable and we’ve all been trying really hard to give you room to recover but you have to at least make an effort to not be a bitch”

Writing about people having PTSD and symptoms of such: Yay! Writing about people having PTSD and engaging in toxic behavior to cope: Shit Ahsoka had... basically my exact reaction. It's "remind yourself that you're in the wrong, that they have a point, and then be overly formal in the apology because fuck if you accidentally make them feel sorry for you when they're the injured party"

Quinlan: Can we be friends? I mean, you're an asshole, but you're really cool. Let's be friends. (He MIGHT be nursing a crush) (Neat mysterious girl who can beat him up.)

Also he realises she's probably nicer when not having a slow-motion breakdown He's like "Huh, you'll probably be less of an asshole once you've gotten therapy."

...also, she pretty and got Nice Biceps

I love writing a good mental breakdown

I was so close to including a "he tried to kill me" just early enough for Jango to wildly misinterpret as her thinking Quinlan tried to kill her. He'd have been very confused, considering Quinlan's the one that called them down in a panic and currently has Ahsoka having her massive breakdown in his lap But

Tia:  I could see Jango interpreting it as idk, Quin resembling someone or for a moment acting like someone who tried to kill her and she had a flashback or something like that

There's absolutely room for a couple reasonable interpretations there And "trapped in a flashback about someone who tried to kill her" is absolutely what's happening! Just. You know. For a different reason. Jango probably wouldn’t assume Quin would hurt her, for one thing he seems to like her, for another even if he did he’s smart enough to pick a way that wouldn’t be so likely to get him caught

I had to step back and actually say “Also I'm just. Wow. I'm really just shoveling QPP Rex&Ahsoka at full speed”

Me, a few weeks ago, joking: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist Me, now, entirely seriously: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist

Me, belatedly: Oh, Ahsoka being joyfully mean to people was a form of mania she was unconsciously using to build a barrier between herself and her impending meltdown

She went from "just died" to "in charge of Rex and Leia" in like. Two minutes.

Confession: I've been delighting in the mental image of this whole Mess leading Jango to try to retake Mandalore, and Ahsoka loans him a saber for a 1v1 to get the darksaber.

“Can’t I just fight him barehanded? That’s how I did it on Galidraan.” "But the drama, Fett!"

Probably Rex has learned how to use a saber as well, because you never know when you have to borrow a weapon

I later changed my mind to Jango asking her to help, rather than her just sneak-teaching him, but it was funny.

Background nonsense to all this is Ahsoka and Rex, despite Rex being as force-sensitive as a lump of coal, having developed a process where she can extend her sensitivity to him mind-to-mind for weird symbiotic battle trance that scares everyone around them. It’s very similar to Battle meditation.

CONTEXT FOR LEIA BEING WORRIED ABOUT THOLME HIDING THINGS: Tholme is hiding the fact that the Council reached out and told him that the people he picked up might be connected to Ben and Luke, who showed up after the Depa thing but a solid week and change before Jango's ship makes it to the Temple. They asked that he not share that information to avoid getting anyone's hopes up in case the two situations aren't related. Ben and Luke haven't shared enough information for anyone to really be sure if the other three are connected Because the info Tholme has isn't quite the info Jango has, etc. And they can't just say Ben is a future Obi-Wan over comms

I just have a lot of feelings about people trying to do something right and just. Nobody's at fault! Not really! It's just complicated!

Tia: I like how when Ahsoka isn’t doing maladaptive trauma response stuff she’s very mature. And of course she’s had to be but it’s a good like, contrast. Where when she slows down to think about things she’s very sensible

Jango just spends most of this story lowkey wanting Ahsoka to Be His Friend but there's too much baggage that he's only metaphysically responsible for

Local aroace(?) has a squish

Ahsoka: He just wants to get on my good side because of Rex. Jango: I'm pretty sure you could kill an entire army without trying but you wouldn't because you have actual morals and stuff... and when I met you it was because you were killing yourself trying to keep (what appeared to be) children safe... you seem cool please be my friend.......

Ahsoka’s #1 weakness: mountains of trauma Ahsoka’s #2 weakness: she just doesn’t get why so many people think she’s cool and want her to be their (girl)friend

Jango, a 27yo massacre survivor who's killed Jedi masters with his bare hands: [gets lectured on various government structures by a tiny girl that's missing several teeth and needs to sit on books to see the table properly]

Ahsoka was raised in a religious meritocracy but developed all her opinions during a galactic war and then became a vigilante spy, Rex comes from a military cult, Leia is from an inherited monarchy that participates in democracy, Quinlan was originally from what appears to be a dynastic dictatorship, and IDK about Tholme other than that he is also from the religious meritocracy. And in legends Quinlan came to the religious meritocracy after his aunt sacrificed his parents to a vampire cult and then forced him to experience the psychometric echoes of that. There's just. A lot going on.

Leia at least has knowledge about structure and admin in theory that isn't based in either the military or populations under 10k

Jango: I want to be your friend. Ahsoka: Sounds fake.

I am unfairly fond of "Rex destroys a conversation by bringing up his own horrifying childhood and calling it a cult"

"Why does Sokari call you 'Rex'ika'?" "Because she's older than me." "...can I--?" "No."

Nickname privileges are extended ONLY to Ahsoka and older clones. There are no more older clones, so it's just Ahsoka.

Me joking about Star Wars AUs: Would you like a crackship? Me writing actual Star Wars fic: My favorite character type is apparently “too traumatized to have a relationship” so this is at least 90% gen.

I had to pull a scene opening at one point because Ahsoka's skill with not getting shot is actually much less useful than Tholme's clearance levels.

Now I really want a team-up of Ahsoka, Rex, and Jango where they do have to get in a dogfight of the "she flies, we shoot" variety and Fett just has to scream because the speeder thing to catch Maul was one thing, but this....

Ahsoka, before TCW: I know all the traffic rules but I'm not that great at flying! Ahsoka, after TCW: I'm great at flying but if you let me behind the wheel we are absolutely getting arrested.

She went from "knows the rules but doesn't have the skills" to "has the skills but primarily in the form of not getting shot" which! Is delightful! "Bet I can get us through that alley--" "DO NOT"

Jango and Ahsoka are both just very "Is this friendship? Is this camaraderie? My heart's been fried on platonic love by so many murders that I'm not sure anymore." "I've lost a lot of friends. I kind of forgot how to make those."

I have no idea if "hasn't been closer than Alderaan except that one trip to Chandrila" is canon-compliant but ehhhhhhhh It feels plausible enough?

Belatedly realized that I could just explain my optimal Rex&Ahsoka dynamic as just... drift compatible. It's vague enough on the specifics while still digging into the meat of what they mean to each other and how they work together. The terminology is already in existence. I can just use it.

Romantic? Platonic? Familial? Doesn't matter! They're drift compatible.

They are important to each other and that is what matters

I really like the Leia&Quinlan thing. He's just like "This small child needs a friend that isn't super depressed," and decided he's going to be her friend. I keep trying to toss in "Quinlan volunteers to 'baby'sit." She's not much older and she has a Baby Brain, it works out

There's a running bet as to whether Leia will leave the Order the second she turns thirteen, or if she'll let Sokari "train" her for a few years first. And... that’s how I came up with Leia Antilles, Senator of Serenno.

They'll be bullshitting Ben as her new master to "finish out the padawanship" since they can't tell everyone she's really in her thirties and he's conveniently there and already knows everything and was half her master anyway. Like Ben was planning on taking on Luke, but Luke is "six" and even he can't swing that as old enough to be a Padawan, and it's not like Sokari will take more than a handful of years to justify knighthood, sooooooooo

#Ahsoka Tano #Captain Rex #Leia Organa #Jango Fett #Obi Wan Kenobi #time travel #de aging #Phoenix Babbles #Uncle Ben and Little Luke #Auntie Soka and Little Leia #I need to excise the bits that are actually funny on their own

[amillionmillionvoices]

you know what I fucking miss so much sometimes? Steven Moffat era dialogue. Like. GodDAMN. I feel like so often writers are really good at the back and forth, the exposition and driving the plot forward parts of it that are very difficult and necessary! But sometimes fall short when it comes time to have A Moment™ and Moff for me (along with Sorkin, because obviously) just never fucking missed.

I clearly have Ted Lasso brain rn so I’m thinking a lot about Rebecca and the moments she gets to self reflect, but I feel like she wasn’t given the space necessary in dialogue to really make it punch? There’s that scene where she’s talking to John and says she has to be brave enough to let someone love her without fear of being safe, and the moment with her mother at the funeral and she says being alone has been necessary and wonderful, and those are good lines!! But there’s no BUILD. Like, even Roy’s speech about lightning gets build. Ted’s speeches always get build. There’s momentum to them so the lines they want to hit HIT HARD. But Rebecca doesn’t really get that? Like it almost feels like her lines were redacted?

Whereas with Moff (and yeah I realize I’m comparing two entirely different hyperfixations, shush), all of River’s speeches have SO MUCH MOMENTUM. He gives her so much TIME to make her point—like in TIA, in the tunnels with Rory, or in FOTD when she’s talking to Anita, or in TWORS or fucking THORS (don’t ever get me started on analyzing the dialogue in THORS because i will never recover) — all of them!!! Those speeches are so! Damn! Good!! And it’s not just the lines themselves it’s the PACING and the way they’re allowed to start so small —

You know when you see a photograph of someone you know, but it's from years before you knew them,

We start out with this sort of nonsequitur, an odd premise that doesn’t really make sense yet, but is still quite lovely,

and it's like they're not quite finished. They're not done yet.

Emphasis! Yes! A similar sentiment said twice to drive it home!

Well, yes, the Doctor's here. He came when I called, just like he always does.

Starting to connect, but not there yet. But also note the exposition buried in here! We get a hint of the past, not just a pretty line! Inverted syntax, too! Be still my beating vagina!

But not my Doctor. Now my Doctor,

Repetition, baby! GIVE IT TO ME!

I've seen whole armies turn and run away. And he'd just swagger off back to his Tardis and open the doors with a snap of his fingers.

Okay I could have done with one more line between these two, but I understand wanting to pair the image of horrible armies with the Doctor’s competence and attitude, so I’ll let it side. Plus, gimme those alternating long and short sentences! GIVE THEM TO ME.

The Doctor in the Tardis.

Gearing up! Here it comes!

Next stop, everywhere.

BOOM. GORGEOUS LINE. NAIL ON THE FUCKING HEAD. RIGHT IN YOUR HEART FEELS.

And this speech is short! Compared to her others! Compared to the Doctor’s, even! BUT IT WORKS because it BUILDS and crescendos like a piece of fucking music!!! And then the moment is immediately cut by the Doctor being an asshole — Spoilers! Nobody can open a Tardis by snapping their fingers. It doesn't work like that. — and River collecting herself — It does for the Doctor — I am the Doctor — and THEN THEN YOU GET THE END OF THE SPEECH

Yeah. Someday.

FUCK ME!!!!

I love his dialogue! So fucking much!!!!!!!! I want all my fav ladies to have dialogue like this because it’s so nuanced and adds so much and can you imagine what Hannah could do with fucking dialogue like that??? I would burn my own house to the ground.

#river song #steven moffat #rebecca welton #ted lasso #insert i just have a lot of feelings gif here

[allhailthesanders]

Random JATP Headcannon: Reggie Pep-Talking Julie

 Disclaimer: Hey y’all there’s a lotta negative self-talk and body image stuff in this long and chonky puppy (like a dachshund). Am I just simply projecting in this headcannon? Si señores, señoras, y señoritas ...umm chile anyway so... on to the angst and fluff.

Julie is a bad bitch.

And we love that for her. But every bad bitch has a few weaknesses. Like popping balloons or falling for a ghost who died in 1995 or being afraid that you are going to lose everyone you’ve ever cared about. But there are days when Julie’s biggest weakness is her body. Then again Julie loves her body, she loves how her hair curls and how it frames her, and even though it can be a pain in the ass, she loves it. She also loves her smile and the gap between her teeth and how musical her laugh is. She loves how she can pull off a blazer and a dress and how her eyes sparkle in the sun. She loves how clear her skin is and her brows and her height and everything but some days she doesn't. But some days she looks in the mirror and cringes at what she sees.

Ha, it's funny to think that I can pull this off.

I'm too much of this and not enough that.

I don't really love how I look in this.

Maybe I should just change

These thoughts often seem to be swirling around in Julie's brain. But sadly those aren't the worse thoughts she has that award goes to thoughts like:

Luke would never fall for a lifer like you.

and

He’s way too good for you. Maybe you'll have better luck if you're prettier

Julie sighs flattening her crop top grabbing her sides before quickly opting to change into a longer looser shirt. She grabbed her phone from her nightstand shooting a text to Flynn.

Trouble #1💜: hey love! you free rn? i’m having a terrible bbd today and i need a distraction and a hug

Trouble #1💜: and maybe a good cry

Trouble #2💕: aww girlie i would love to but i’m in colorado at my aunt’s wedding reception

Trouble #1💜: oh shit. i’m sry i forgot.

Trouble #1💜: no thoughts head empty only body negativity

Trouble #1💜: how’s the wedding? did stacy cry when your aunt came down the aisle?

Trouble #2💕: don’t worry about it jules. a certain dead ghost boy has haunted your brain cells maybe you can go to him. i’m sure he’ll love the cuddles 😉😉😉

Trouble #2💕: stacy bawled btw but so did aunt hilda and dad pretended that he didn’t, but we all know he loves seeing hilda happy.

Trouble #2💕: it’s so fucking freezing. but the dress was absolutely gorgeous tho

Trouble #1💜: cuuuteee love that for them. well, i have to go guys maybe practice a song or two. but luke was kind of the one who started this. idk i’m just going to try and get through the day so i can rush back to my room and rewatch New Girl or something

Trouble #2💕: WHAT DID THAT BASTARD DO?!?!?!

Trouble #2💕: I WILL COME DOWN FROM COLORADO TO BEAT HIS ASS!!!

Trouble #1💜: He did nothing. I’m just overthinking ya know. Like I’m not worth it. He doesn’t need me. I don’t deserve him

Trouble #2💕: jules i’m going to be real with you. HONESTLY HE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU!!!! but he does look at you like you’re his source of life so don’t let this dead, paler than wonder bread boy hurt you!!! he’s so lucky to have you in his life.

Trouble #2💕: you are a gorgeous girl!!!! stunning. an absolutely beautiful, smart, and amazing person!! everybody lights up when you walk into the room. but you know who lights up the most. mr. boo-berry music man simping cute bright dead eyes looking ass.

Trouble #2💕: but maybe you should talk to alex if you don’t believe me. sadly he seems like the himbo with the most emotional knowledge. so maybe talking to him will help. but promise me you’ll take care of yourself love

Trouble #1💜: I promise. flynn imma just wear a bigger sweatshirt and pretend that i’m okay instead of feeling like I want to wrap myself in a blanket. it’ll be all good. gtg bye love you :)

Trouble #2💕 : THAT’S NOT HEALTHY!!! but please do take care of yourself. i’ll be back soon and i’ll talk to you later💕.

Julie grabs an old Orphuem hoodie that belonged to her mom, slipping it on noticing how she still hasn’t quite grown into it. Walking past her mirror one more time Julie scrunches her nose not appreciating how her tight jeans look on her. In fact, she doesn’t like how her nose looks today. 

Fuck I hate when I feel like this. Maybe Flynn is right. I should probably talk to Alex and at least try to avoid Luke. He doesn’t need to see me like this.

Sighing, she makes her way over to the garage. She opens the door only to see Reggie intensely focused on playing the riff he was working on for their new song.

“Is Luke around? I need to snatch up Alex, but I don’t want him to see me and worry,” she asked, starting to giggle when he snapped out of his trace as a small yelp left his lip.

Reggie spotted Julie’s Orpheum hoodie not noticing how much his eyes widened.

Julie cocks her head at the gaping Reginald before realizing he was staring at her hoodie. “It was my mom’s,” Julie whispered as Reggie nodded along, “she used to work there in college. Mom and her best friend, my Tia Maria were waitresses there. But I’m getting distracted, is Alex here? I just really need to talk to him and his dumb emotional availability.” 

“Well, it’s Alex and Willie’s 6-month anniversary, so I hope he’s not around here. But he’s like at the beach with Willie being all mushy.”

“Oh wow, they’re so cute together! He’s definitely seemed so happy since he met him,” Julie said, truly proud of her drummer but not completely masking her disappointment of not having anyone to talk to.

“Yeah, he's more free now. Plus it gives me and Luke the opportunity to rag on him on how easily he flushes when Willie teases him. But you don’t need to worry about lover boy or your lover boy,” he says while waggling his eyebrows at her. 

Julie sadly laughs trying to hide her face from the boy. As Reggie seemingly oblivious continued “Luke is at his parents. He’s been going more often trying to find sneaky ways to leave his song. Some unpublished songs Julie. He has never done anything like that since you went to his parent’s house with him. The closure is cathartic for him,” he whispered, putting down his bass. “He loves seeing his mom’s face light up when she finds another song. But you seem down Julie, what’s wrong?”

“Oh it’s nothing Reggie don’t worry about it,” Reggie cocks an eyebrow at her with a concerned look on his face. Julie looked away sighing, putting on her hood before continuing on, “I’m just a little under the weather and just needed someone to talk to, but it’s fine. I’ll be fine. I will be fine in a few hours. But don’t worry, and please don’t tell Luke.”

“Well Julie you can talk to me,” Reggie pauses puts down his bass putting his hands behind his head, legs cross, frowning slightly, “Believe it or not I can be a little insightful but seriously Julie you’re like my little sister and I hate to see you like this.”

Reggie taps on the spot on the couch next to him motioning for Julie to sit down.

“I’m not going to force you to tell me anything but if you need someone to talk I here when you are ready,” And with that, Reggie picked up his bass and started to work on what seems like a new song.

Together they sit in this calming silence as Reggie starts to pluck away at this melody taking notes of what chord progressions work and what doesn’t while Julie quietly points at chords. This goes on for about five minutes until Julie finally says something.

“Fine okay you need to promise me that you won’t tell Luke because he’ll try and fix this, and he’ll probably make me feel worse,” Reggie quickly nods before putting his fist out giving her a promise fist bump. Julie wetly laughs at this before taking her hood off, running her hands through her hair.

“You know for years I’ve waked up and then immediately looked in the mirror and some days I loved what I see those days are good. I love how I look and how I feel, and I’m just happy. But some days I don’t... some days I look in the mirror and I just see every single flaw I have, and I just want to hide in my bed and not let anyone see me. Some days I feel like I don’t deserve you or Luke or Alex or Flynn or even my family. I just look into the mirror, and I’m like why would anyone stand to look at me. And you know today is one of those days. When Mami was alive she would call a day like today a BBD. It was a code for bad body day or day when we would just wear matching hoodies, cuddle, and binged movies without telling Dad what was wrong. But he understood, he understood that Mami would take care of it and that she understood what I was going through. We did it so often until she you know... that I don’t know how to tell my dad about it. Like him making me hot chocolate like he used to won’t make going away,”  Julie sighed wiping the quickly forming tears from her eyes. Julie turned away from the concerned, so he couldn’t see how close she is to completely breaking down.

Reggie wrap his fettuccine arms around Julie pulling her into a warm hug that smelled like the lemon-lavender bath and body works body wash she bought him for the shower in the garage. The was comforting which led to Julie letting her guard down, shoulders shaking as she heavily sobbed into her undead friend’s shoulder as he rubbed her back. After she was seemingly cried out she looked up at Reggie, who looked wide eyed at her.

“I’m sorry I snotted all over your flannel. God that’s so disgusting. I’m just going to go to bed and just mope and watch Netflix. Thank for being a shoulder I could lean on. I’m sorry that I was just being annoying,” Julie whispered as she tried to wipe away the snot only to make a bigger mess.

"Hey hey hey it's okay Julie I can just wash it or like blame it on ghost ectoplasm. Julie do we leak ectoplasm?"

Julie laughed wetly as Reggie frantically looked to see if he was oozing before realizing that he was getting distracted. She quickly noticed the major shift in demeanor change as he seriously looked at her.

"Julie you are beautiful and I know that you don't feel like that now but you will eventually. And I know that you don't want me to fix you and I won't because I can't. And I know you might want to try to impress Luke with how you look or just think that your looks are all that Luke that think about, but I am his best friend and I know that he would be head over fucking heels gone for you. Even if you look like whatever a Jar-Jar looks like he would see you as the light of his world. He is in love with you and your soul and you deserve that love. But you deserve self love even more. Julie you are not a thing to be looked at then judged. You are a person with feelings and  personality and a story, a story to tell. Your body looks the way it does because of all the things you've experienced in life. Julie I know this all may sound meaningless coming from me but you are literally one of the strongest people I know and I know you can through. You will not be less strong if you reach out for help. You might be my favorite Molina but talking to Ray is smarter than you think and he can help. I just hate seeing my sister hurt like this," Reggie said before yelping as he noticed that Julie had started to bawl again.

"Wait Julie no I'm sorry. Was that too much. God I know you said I shouldn't try to fix things. I should've kept my dumb mouth closed and not bring up Ray. I'm sorry Julie don't cry," Reggie rambled nervously rubbing her back

“No no no no Reggie you didn’t say too much. You just shocked me honestly but like in a good way. I mean I can’t say that I will believe everything you said. But thank you Reg. Thank you I am so glad that you are in my life. You’re my favorite Peters and you are much smarter than other people give you credit for,” Julie says laughing at Reggie’s bright smile.

“I mean need them to underestimate me sometimes. But let’s watch something together to at least make your BBD a little better.”

Julie smilies quickly nodding before putting on the first episode of the Mandalorian and snuggling close to the older brother that she never had. 

Julie felt okay to say the least for the next couple of weeks her next BBD hit her. Julie sighed pushing herself off the bed looking in the mirror that is covered in encouraging notes from her Dad, Reggie, and Flynn. She sighed about to leave her room to go talk to her Dad again about what was going on before she notice a hoodie on the bed. It was a fleece lined hoodie that was left on her bed folded her bed saying ‘Uke I’m your father’ on it. 

Reggie Julie sighed shaking her head smiling as she picked up the little note that was left with it 

‘I knew that you said that you and mom had matching hoodies for your BBD’s so here’s one that we can wear together. I mean only if you want to I know it was something you and your mom did so I don’t want to butt in on a tradition. But it could be like a signal that you’re having a BBD. I don’t know it might be stupid but I hope you like it.’

Julie smiles at the slight awkwardness of the note before slipping on the hoodie

A/N: HEY IT’S ME AGAIN WITH THE ANGST FOR THE SECOND TIME IN LESS THAN A WEEK!!! Idk what it is but every time I write something for this fandom it turns into angst. Am I sadist? Ehhh wouldn’t be surprised but idk I think I went through something writing this lol. Also I’m sorry if some the dialouge is cringe I’m tired and I really wanted to post befire I got distracted. Anyway please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist down below by either replying to this post, reblogging this post, or sending me an ask! I would appreciate reblogs and feedback because I love reading your guy's comments and tags they seriously make my day!!! but it's fine if you don't want to :)

~✨My Taglist Isn’t Under the Cut Tonight Lol✨~

@poppin-peters, @sunset-bobby, @theobligatedklutz, @soupforfree, @iamthefryiestfrench-blog, @fiddlepickdouglas, @gay-ghosts-committing-crimes

#oooh boy this took away to write and i never want to look that deeply into my soul ever again lol #julie and the phantoms #jatp #Julie and the Himbos #reggie jatp #reggie peters #jeremy shada #julia molina #madison reyes #u hope you guys liked this and I hope it wasn't tooterrible #i* #does this qualify as a fic #my writing #also i hopethe grammar isn't to bad it's super late lo #jatp headcanons #random jatp headcannon #I PROMISE THE NEXT ONE WON'T BE ALL ANGST #reggie molina #i love the brotherly reggie dynamic #OKAY IM GOING TO SLEEP FOR LIKE 12 HOURS NOW

[yezielmoore]

Prompt #9: Lush

“There you are!” X’lial exclaims and plops down with a happy sigh next to her silent twin.

He’s sitting under a towering tree, taking shelter from the midday sun. He has a book open on his lap but, judging by the faraway quality of his gaze, he’s obviously not taking in a single word that he’s reading. If he’s even reading which… She recognizes that look on his face and she’s sure the contents of that book is the last thing on his mind.

As expected, he doesn’t protest or react against her presence, so she takes that as permission to invade his space and manhandle him in front of her. She tugs her gloves off with her teeth and immediately starts unravelling the disastrous mess somebody may generously call a braid. She calls it an affront against nature and fashion, which gets her a distracted snort from X’liam so that’s a win in her book.

“You didn’t join me today,” she comments inanely, picking out a few stray leaves from his loose hair and running her fingers through it once she’s done, that gains her a contented sigh and a gravelly sort of hum that, once upon a time, may’ve been a purr, if evolution hadn’t done away with that particular feature. “I missed my hunting partner.”

His ears flick back, a clear sign that he’s listening, even if he doesn’t can’t answer. “It was a bust though,” she sighs, fiddling with a red tipped lock of hair, “nothing but skinny hares and a handful of scraggly birds.”

She looks up, the leaves of the tree block all but the smallest glimpses of blue sky. If she strains her ears she can hear some birdsong not too far and the rushing sound of a nearby creek. Not many trees besides this one though. But that’s normal for this place that straddles the edge between the devastated and scarred Mor Dhona and the lush forests of The Black Shroud. Well, it’s normal now, but they had been only two years old when the garleans and Midgardsormr laid waste to Silvertear and the surrounding area, changing the landscape forever.

They’re sixteen now. Soon they’ll have to decide which spot in the social hierarchy of their tribe they’ll fill, and X’lial hates to admit it, but she’s worried. Not for her future, not really. She’s a great tracker and hunter, if she does say so herself, even if she prefers getting up and personal with her prey and pummeling it into oblivion with her fists rather than use a bow. Something everyone should be grateful for, really. The only ones with worse aim than her are the toddlers and that because they are toddlers.

In addition, her mother is teaching her everything he knows about dyes, what they’re made of, how to make them, how to mix them, how to apply them, how they react to different fabrics, and so on and so forth.

X’liam hadn’t been there that day or any other day she had her lessons. Because what’s expected of him is not what is expected of her and that… that worries her. How could it not? He is her brother, her twin, her literal mirror image; he’s also the best goddamned marksman in the whole tribe and a genius to rival any old scholar they’ve met and none of that matters. Because he’s a Tia and Tias are supposed to use their time to train in order to challenge the Nunh, train to expand the tribe’s territory or just leave in disgrace. And that’s…

It wasn’t that long ago that he had confessed to her that he has the same desire to be Nunh and amass a harem as he has in eating rocks and drinking lava. Which, ok, fair. It’s not like she gets it either, and she wouldn’t care at all, except that takes most of the proper options off the table that aren’t fucking off into the wilds on his own, and like, fucking hells no, over her dead body.

Well, ok, technically, those aren’t the only options, just the more traditional ones. He could challenge the Nunh for the position of leader that had coalesced into a single one since the last one passed away and nobody stepped up; and he’d be good at it, her brother, if he had even a smidge of ambition in his body.

“Maybe you can take over X’ra Tia’s post as Lore Keeper,” she muses. “He’s like a million years old already, he’s gotta kick the bucket sooner than later, yeah?”

He hums, an eerie sound that’s neither agreement or disagreement, just an echo from whatever has snagged his attention. From this angle she can’t see his face but she doesn’t need to; he still wears the same faraway expression, mind drifting after a song that’s always out of reach, or so he had tried to explain once. Whatever exactly happens, she absolutely detests these moments. Not because she’s scared or anything stupid like that, but because he can break her from her fits when she gets overwhelmed by her utterly useless ability; but when he’s like this, when he needs somebody to drag him away from his mind, she’s helpless.

She keeps up a once sided conversation, braiding and unbraiding his hair, until she feels him shudder and slump against her in that hesitant way that tells her he’s seeking comfort but doesn’t know why.

“I… don’t think it’s going to matter.” He says at last, blinking rapidly to dispel the disorientation of the world coming into alignment once again.

She frowns. “What do you mean? Time’s not gonna stop for us, little brother,” she tugs his now neat braid in reprimand.

“I don’t… know. Just a gut feeling, I guess.” He shakes his head. She knows her words registered when he directs a playful glare her way. “And who are you calling little brother? We’re twins!”

She laughs, loud and wild and relieved, as they rehash the well-worn argument; happy to bask in her brother’s presence and to leave the worries about the future for another day.

#FFxivWrite2020 #FFxivWrite #ffxiv #yeziel writes #my writing #x'lial ris #x'liam tia

[transrightsjimin]

honestly class consciousness is one hell of a ride bc i didnt think abt it much until more recent years. i told my friend as a kid we were poor nd my mom got so pissed at that, nd i mean shes right that we rly werent as bad off as it could be, the family is just working class. but when you suddenly realize youre not on equal footing w middle class ppl, or ppl like my uncle who is one of the very rare few who started working class and not highly educated nd ended up becoming a millionaire in the US (im still coming for his wallet istg), its suddenly all... oh wait there are ppl whose reality is not this full of hurt and few opportunities.

like, being in a university in one of the most diverse cities in the country nd still having so few poc on it and most poc u meet are international students, and having heard some posh classmates talk abt studying "just like our parents" like it's the most evident thing in the world (while im the only person in the family that did college level, nvm university, and family was super proud, it's not a given to us that you do this!), hearing classmates claim that poverty and class are not really relevant for the netherlands anymore bc you now have the nouveau riche and art is less elitist now, so apparently class is less of a thing?? nd university is just such a wakeup call or a slap in the face bc my primary school was called ghetto, my high school was called ghetto, but then my art college prided itself on being very "diverse" while i had never seen this many white students in one place, and it's even worse for my university.

shit like my brother being in prison all the time when i was younger, my best friend when i was 4 having to move away bc her mom ODed on drugs, living next to a house that had 5 weed plantations in it over the years nd our greek neighbours even got pulled into that mess bc they needed money, living across a 'coffee house' tht stored rifles in it, someone across the street setting his house (and thus half the street bc dutch homes are often connected as one row) on fire, my dad working 50 hours a week as a parcel deliverer bc w less hours he doesnt earn enough, even if the fucking job means carrying 80 kilo boxes up stairs and other bullshit, his stress leading to two TIAs (strokes), my mom being super disabled by many physical impairments nd illness nd still not being granted help in the household bc she had a 'healthy daughter and boyfriend' nd also her being left w/o an income for 2 years, practically every high school friend's mom being disabled in some way, then at my mail delivery job where my coworkers complain abt another deliverer bc it took her 3 months to get back to work again nd they called her ‘lazy‘ for not working immediately despite having multiple illnesses and disabilities bc, and i quote, my colleague said “i’m in my sixties and have arthritis and i’m working too“ dude :// hes literally the person my other colleagues say has had it hard and needs a break, and then those coworkers too need a break nd have disabilities nd are nearing pension age and still doing this work while trying to do household work and all that stuff at the same time. my mom said my cousin’s job (in construction; scaffolder) pays “really good“ (i wonder if its really that much bc it’s apparently around €1700-2700 on average) but that he already gets bad physical complaints from it while hes young nd formerly rly fit and might need to quit soon and then figure something out like studying for something else if possible.

the neighbourhood i used to live in as a baby was ‘too criminal‘ according to my parents so then they moved out to the town next to it into a neighbourhood that was eventually labelled among the top ranked ‘criminal‘ neighbourhoods of the country nd now i live in rotterdam south which is basically seen in the same way bc again, more poverty, more families with migration backgrounds etc. it’s like, you can never escape this negative image unless the whole bunch is gentrified or smth stupid and the poor are pushed to live elsewhere again. and just the whole thing of being at home, being at school, being at work, it’s such a trip bc university is so fucking different to me nd u see all these people there who are quite confident in getting good jobs nd u have business students with rich parents who are already some stupid fucking greenwashing entrepreneur aiming to become a CEO, nd even though ppl at my study w all these artsy ppl, they are generally not upper class, most still seem to be so used to the safety of being middle class and make these huge statements about poverty not really being a thing here.

nd then the whole stress nd anxiety tht my parents passed onto me, partially bc of their trauma nd them being fed up w my ‘laziness’ (executive dysfunction nd burnout lol), partially bc they believe strongly in this workers’ ethic thats strongly in line with capitalism (even if my mom used to be part of a socialist party nd still adheres to many of those ideas) but also with this calvinistic and Rotterdam ( / Rijnmond area) ideology that you need to work hard for the entirety of your life in order to be a decent person, so not so much for an economic payoff or ‘success‘; you just have to work hard. my parents always told me ‘you can rest when you’re dead‘ every single time i mentioned or even implied i was a bit tired and it was frustrating to hear. this mentality is what lead to my dad practically getting two strokes, and to my mom overworking herself nd being taken away by an ambulance on my birthday party, it’s the whole fucking reason i do not like the prospect of work bc it is just so associated w something awful you need to get done and that you need to exhaust yourself on it until you hopefully get pension money, if the govt hopefully doesnt raise the pension age even further than 67. and then you see ppl in uni talk abt fun future “careers” like what the fuck are you talking about? how are you gonna get a job in the arts and culture field in this pandemic? im already happy if im able to find a job and dont have to quit due to disability or a chronic illness that runs in both sides of my family. im sorry im being so negative but im stressed about jobs and i think i went on a tangent today all bc i saw one post abt being scared of PE classes nd my mind went to bad places. this is ok to rb or reply to btw, as long as youre a mutual

#i rly dont mean to whine or anything but its just wild how normalized this shit is #i hate capitalism i rly hate it dude #rambles

[dying-suffering-french-stalkers]

Katabasis Patterns in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Or, in which I make use of my official Classics minor (and my unofficial film nerd minor) while ignoring my French major altogether.

Howdy, everyone, and welcome to this week’s episode of Extremely On My Bullshit!  Today we’re going to talk at length about how the trip to Davy Jones’ Locker in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End borrows elements from various classical narratives containing a katabasis, or a trip to the Underworld.  This will be a slightly Tumblr-ified version of an actual paper I wrote for my Classical Antiquity On Screen final.

Shoutout to this post by @charlesdances, which allowed me to infodump about Hades/Persephone parallels in Barbossa and Elizabeth’s relationship across the trilogy, and to @aye-tortuga for requesting this longer post, which I teased at the end of the aforementioned meta.

Right then, let’s get started!  Under a cut to spare your dashes from long post made longer still by screencaps and works cited (yep, it’s that kind of meta).  For the purposes of this meta, only the first three Pirates films will be considered canon as the later sequels contradicted elements of the established lore.

I touched on this in the first paragraph, but I’ll begin by defining two words which will appear throughout this meta: katabasis and anabasis.  Katabasis and anabasis are Ancient Greek terms which refer to “that narrative . . . that portrays the hero’s descent into, and ascent from, the underworld—the journey to hell” (Holtsmark 25).  (If you want to get etymological about it, kata is down, ana is up, and baino comes from the verb meaning “to go [on foot].”)

This katabasis narrative takes place in the first act of At World’s End.  If you’ll recall, Dead Man’s Chest ended with Elizabeth chaining Jack to the Black Pearl’s mast: she knew the Kraken was only interested in Jack, so she sacrificed him to give herself and the others a chance to escape.  However, at the very end of the film, Elizabeth and the crew of the Pearl pledge to retrieve Jack from his resting place in Davy Jones’ Locker (the Underworld), and Tia Dalma offers both herself and Barbossa as guides to those “weird and haunted shores.”

So, after the cinematic fucking masterpiece that is the opening “Hoist the Colours” sequence (I also wrote a paper on that lol), we find ourselves in Singapore, where Elizabeth, Barbossa, and co. meet with the pirate lord Sao Feng in hopes of obtaining a map to the Locker.  The Singapore segment opens with Elizabeth piloting a lone craft along a murky river, evoking images of Charon with his ferryman’s pole:

As she poles the boat along, she sings a pirate tune with decidedly death-centric lyrics, tuning us in to the symbolism and themes at play: “Some men have died and some are alive / Others sail on the sea / With the keys to the cage and the Devil to pay / We lay to Fiddler’s Green.* / The bell has been raised from its watery grave / Hear its sepulchral tone . . .” (*A form of afterlife from maritime folklore)

At the end of this scene, we see something odd: Tia Dalma dressed as a blind organ grinder.

Plot-wise, this serves to divert the colonial soldiers’ attention from the pirates’ activity, but metaphorically, here she represents the blind seer Tiresias, whom Odysseus encounters when he first enters the realm of Hades (Odyssey 11.187-149).

When the pirates meet Sao Feng, the imagery starts to mix a little.  The filmmakers present Sao Feng in a somewhat Hades-esque (Hadean?) manner (steam, flames, and warm tones, with a skylight to imply subterranean depths):

However, while he is a powerful figure, he does not keep the Underworld itself (that duty falls to Jones); he merely keeps the knowledge of its entrance.  Barbossa attempts to gain this knowledge by presenting Sao Feng with a silver coin: a reminder of his duty as Pirate Lord as well as another Charon parallel.  Barbossa’s tactic does not work, but like in the previous scene, the imagery prepares viewers for the descent to come.

After getting Sao Feng’s navigational charts another way, the pirates’ journey to the underworld continues in earnest.  When Will expresses doubt about their path, Barbossa nearly quotes the Aeneid outright: “Trust me, young Master Turner: it’s not gettin’ to the Land of the Dead that’s the problem; it’s gettin’ back.”  This echoes the Cumaean Sibyl’s famous words to Aeneas: “Easy is the descent to [the Underworld]: night and day the door of gloomy Dis stands open; but to recall one’s steps and pass out to the upper air, this is the task, this the toil!” (Aeneid 6.126-129, tr. H.R. Fairclough).  Aeneas, guided by the Sibyl, passes through the mouth of a cave as part of his descent (“A deep cave there was, yawning wide and vast, of jagged rock” (Aeneid 6.237-238, cf. 6.262-263, tr. Fairclough)); likewise the pirates, guided by Barbossa and the charts, pass through a cave as they travel into stranger climes:

(Buuuut to be fair, this one is possibly just incidental or else more of a reference to Gustave Doré’s art for Rime of the Ancient Mariner rather than a reference to any specific classical text.  Doré’s artwork is used elsewhere in PotC, so it’s prolly just aesthetic.  Also caves are cool and the ultimate symbolic doorway.)

Next they come to a distant, shadowy realm with a misty sky and a sea tranquil enough to reflect starlight:

Again, this could also be incidental (and/or just a really cool homage to the sailing-to-the-moon scene in The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988)), but it does have a classical counterpart: “The ship took us to the deep, outermost Ocean / And the land of the Cimmerians, a people / Shrouded in mist.  The sun never shines there [...] Nor bathes them in the glow of its last golden rays; / Their wretched sky is always racked with night’s gloom” (Odyssey 11.14-19).

Both of these qualities—the cave and the darkness—fit Holtsmark’s observations on katabatic patterns: “The entryway to the other world is often conceived as lying in caves or grottoes or other openings in the earth’s crust into the nether regions, such as chasms or clefts. . . . The lower world is generally dank and dark, and the journey usually takes place at dusk or during the night” (Holtsmark 25).

At last, the pirates’ ship goes over the edge of an enormous waterfall and the screen fades to black.  Voices from the original Pirates of the Caribbean theme park ride echo over the dark screen, ending with the ominous phrase “Dead men tell no tales.”  However, we shall soon see this proved very wrong, for the pirates encounter several souls with tales to tell.  As for these nameless voices, they may represent multitudes of “bloodless shades” (Metamorphoses 10.42) left to languish in other parts of the Locker/Underworld.

At this point, the narrative cuts from the pirate band to Jack in Davy Jones’ Locker.  Jack warrants special punishment from Jones for disobeying the rules of a bargain they’d once struck (*yells forever about the good parts of The Price of Freedom and the crimes wrought by the DMTNT retcons*).  Jack’s own special hell, recalling the punishments of Tantalus and Sisyphus (Odyssey 11.611-629), does include his beloved Black Pearl (explicitly stated, by Jack himself, to be a symbol of personal freedom), but now it rests completely beached upon an endless, windless salt flat.  Jack is utterly alone in this wasteland, save for a crew of his own imaginary doppelgängers.

(I’m gonna be real with y’all: I don’t care for this scene at all and it brings the narrative to a screeching halt, so let’s just take a moment to angstily reflect on how profoundly this affects Jack-the-character’s psyche/mental state for the rest of the film and move on to better things.  God bless RPers and fic writers who deal with this scene and its effects in a deliciously Watsonian way.)

Tia Dalma/Calypso’s crabs eventually come to bear both captain and ship back to the sea.  This could be seen as classical-type divine aid/favoritism (a semi-literal deus ex machina) or as awkward, oh-no-what-do-we-do-now screenwriting, take your pick.  The crabs take Jack and the Pearl directly to the rest of the pirates, who have washed up on the Locker’s desolate shore.  In a twist on the classical formula, Jack initially thinks his rescuers the dead ones as they recount their past experiences.  Additionally, Jack represents a sort of Eurydice figure as the dead-in-need-of-rescuing, while his Orpheus, Elizabeth, is ironically the one who “killed” him in the first place.  All the pirates (Jack included) finally set sail in the freed Black Pearl and attempt to escape this Underworld: the anabasis has begun.

On their way out, when the sky grows dark, the crew encounter scores upon scores of shades floating aimlessly upon the sea:

This parallels Odysseus’ experience (“Then out of Erebus / The souls of the dead gathered / . . . They drifted up to the pit from all sides / With an eerie cry, and pale fear seized me” (Odyssey 11.34-35, 40-41)) as well as that of Aeneas (“Hither rushed all the [ghostly] throng, streaming to the banks . . . They stood, pleading to be the first ferried across, and stretched out hands in yearning for the farther shore” (Aeneid 6.305, 313-314)).  Tia Dalma reveals that long ago, Calypso had charged Davy Jones “to ferry those who died at sea to the Other Side,” but he has since abandoned his duty, hence his current eldritch appearance.  This explicitly posits Jones as a failed psychopomp who has now left these souls stranded like the unburied men of the Odyssey and Aeneid.

The crew leave these shades in peace until Elizabeth spots a familiar face: her father.

At this point I must ask you to rewatch this scene so you can fully appreciate the parallels without me including a lengthy transcript in this already long post.

This scene comes directly from classical literature, as both Odysseus and Aeneas encountered dead parents in the Underworld.  Odysseus saw his mother: “. . . At once / She knew me, and her words reached me on wings: / ‘My child, how did you come to the undergloom / While you are still alive?  It is hard for the living / To reach these shores.  There are many rivers to cross, / Great bodies of water, nightmarish streams, / And Ocean itself, which cannot be crossed on foot / But only in a well-built ship’” (Odyssey 11.151-158).  Like Elizabeth, Odysseus had no prior knowledge of his mother’s passing (11.170).  His mother warned him of the dangerous situation which had sprung up during his absence, just as Weatherby Swann warned the pirates of the dangers of Davy Jones’ Heart.  Aeneas likewise encountered the spirit of his father, Anchises: “‘Have you come at last[?] . . . Over what lands, what wide seas have you journeyed to my welcome! What dangers have beset you, my son!’” (Aeneid 6.687-693).  Anchises, too, offers some advice for the future, for he “tells of the wars that the hero next must wage . . . [and] how to face or flee each peril” (6.890-892).  Having Elizabeth be the one to encounter a dead parent in the Underworld confirms her as the series’ protagonist, in case that wasn’t patently obvious from the rest of the trilogy (and the failure of Pirates 4 and 5).  Weatherby Swann’s warning also serves to remind the audience of the stakes.

Finally, the pirates make their way out of the Locker.  While the remainder of their journey takes more inspiration from Rime of the Ancient Mariner and Western European folklore than classical literature, the latter’s influence on the film remains quite clear.  When the pirates return to the land of the living, it is daybreak:

(*Lawrence of Arabia theme, but on a cello*)

So, too, does Odysseus emerge from the Underworld into a new dawn: “Our ship left the River Ocean / And came to the swell of the open sea / . . . Where Dawn has her dancing grounds / And the Sun his risings” (Odyssey 12.1-5).  The pirates thus complete their katabasis/anabasis, and with rather more luck than Orpheus.

In review: The pirates begin their katabasis in Singapore, which boasts a plethora of Underworld symbolism, including a death-centric song and images of Charon, Tiresias, and Hades.  They cross various waters in their descent, mirroring locations from Homer and Vergil, and Barbossa quotes the Cumaean Sibyl.  Elizabeth and the pirates retrieve Jack from the Locker’s punishments in a twist on the Orpheus and Eurydice myth.  Like Odysseus and Aeneas, Elizabeth sees her dead parent in the Underworld, who warns her of things to come.  In the end, the pirates emerge from the Underworld into the light of dawn, signalling their return to life.  By borrowing from Homer, Vergil, and Ovid, At World’s End presents an Underworld narrative which is familiar in structure and yet easily incorporated into a new mythology: “Same story, different versions.”

(Please message me if you’d like to quote/reference this post in a paper and I can give you my name + details on the official version!  Plagiarism is shitty and unnecessary!)

WORKS CITED

Crispin, A.C.  Pirates of the Caribbean: The Price of Freedom.  Disney Editions, 2011.

Fairclough, H.R., translator.  The Aeneid.  1916.  By Vergil.  Theoi Project, www.theoi.com/Text/VirgilAeneid6.html.  Accessed 4 May 2019.

Holtsmark, Erling B.  “The Katabasis Theme in Modern Cinema.”  Classical Myth & Culture in Modern Cinema, edited by Martin M. Winkler, Oxford University Press, 2001, pp. 23-50.

Homer.  The Odyssey.  The Essential Homer, translated and edited by Stanley Lombardo, Hackett Publishing Company, 2000, pp. 241-482.

Ovid.  Metamorphoses.  Translated by Stanley Lombardo, Hackett Publishing Company, 2010.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.  Directed by Gore Verbinski, performances by Keira Knightley, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Bill Nighy, Chow Yun-Fat, Geoffrey Rush, Tom Hollander, Jack Davenport, and Jonathan Pryce, Walt Disney Pictures, 2007.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.  Directed by Gore Verbinski, performances by Keira Knightley, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Bill Nighy, Tom Hollander, Jack Davenport, and Jonathan Pryce, Walt Disney Pictures, 2005.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.  Directed by Gore Verbinski, performances by Keira Knightley, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Jack Davenport, and Jonathan Pryce, Walt Disney Pictures, 2003.

#dear god i hope this posts #pirates of the caribbean #potc #tagamemnon #meta #classics #long post #loooooooong post #katabasis #my meta #if you steal this i will physically manifest in your home and hand you the black spot

[lifeontheborderlineblog-blog]

She’s a freak.

Can a person living with a mental health disorder ever find love?

I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix movies that involve the whole, boy/girl falls for the poplar jock/prom Queen and then looses all her/his friends over something really dramatic and realises they loved their Geeky best friend all along and everything just fixes itself again. Insert cheesy narrative of them telling the watchers “I learnt that life...” or “I never knew that that special person, was... standing right in front of me” 

See I have never been in love, I have been “in love” because thanks to BPD I fall in love with the first person that talks to me. I don’t know if I’d even know what real love felt like because everything ends before I get the chance. Mainly I suck at being a normal human and keeping normal people relationships. I have pushed so many people away over the last few weeks, like they do in those movies, except in the situation it can’t be made up with an apology or cliche explanation. Because I will probably make the same mistake over and over again, although I’m trying to notice my patterns it isn't always obvious until after the wave of depression has crashed on the shore. The wave is sucked out by the current of the next wave and it is then I see the damage the previous wave has caused, the waves keep coming and the damage stays the same. 

I told someone from church I wouldn't be going back, I feel like I hurt his feelings when I told him “I can’t be in a place where everyone dislikes me, thinks I’m weird”, I didn't tell him he was an exception because part of me feels like he is among them and the other I was just too wrapped up in her own baggage to realise he may not feel the way I think. I mean he messages me and invites me to his sport days, someone who disliked me wouldn't do that, I’m thinking in ‘wise mind’ right now, a sometimes handy DBT skill that I’m yet to master/understand. I am open to an extent with people when I feel they dislike me, but even if they deny my paranoia I only feel like they are lying for make sake... sometimes. You see it’s all about facial expression and body language, if I get a weird vibe, I’m not going to believe you. It’s the same way if someone looks at me differently, their voice changes I pick up on that, I pick up on everything and it hits me hard. “They are mad at you, they think you’re a freak, remember that insta video you made? yeah they saw that and laughed at you”, I’m made of tissue paper.

The thing is, everyone that I know are successful in what they are doing, they have families, friends, husbands and boyfriends. I am lucky if I can get someone to enjoy my company for more than a minute, because I have nothing to offer to a conversation, I am the least interesting person alive. I don’t have a job, I don’t have friends, I haven't ever had a boyfriend just a long line of encounters with men that never stay longer than two-three weeks.

 In the film ‘Girl Interrupted’ they described a person with BPD as “unstable in relationships, self image and mood, uncertainty about goals, activities that are impulsive and self damaging such as casual sex. Pessimistic attitude was also added in there. I”ve had stuff like this thrown at me for years I never gave much attention but hearing it in this film, it hit me hard. Susanna says “that’s me” and I thought the same thing, except more. I have refused to accept that I do have traits from other Cluster B disorders such as Anti-Social Personality Disorder (APD) and Histrionic Personalty Disorder (HPD) the HPD hit me harder after self discovering because it’s such a deep disorder. I am uncountable with people being better than me or getting more attention than me, I will literally do or say anything to be... different. For someone that doesn't want to draw attention or stand out, I do a lot of things that draw attention. I’m confused how I can want to fit in so bad with everyone but be different at the same time.

I am truly fucked up.

Back to the love thing, because I can’t find love or have any chance at ever finding love, I turn to the first person who offers it. I will do literally anything to stop them leaving me, I will do anything to make them love me... anything. I have so many regrets because I wish I didn't give myself away so easily just because I thought it would make them love me. And I keep doing it. Deep down I want to feel something, anything than this dark hallow pit that is my soul.

I’m getting worse you know, I’m not getting better. Except because of DBT everything is in HD, everything has a name.... Anger, Sadness, black-white thinking-unwillingness... all my episodes and moods and feelings have names and that is all it is, names of fucked up shit I can’t control. It is now controlling me, I’m on an auto-pilot plane watching me fuck up everything in the VIP area. 

I wish my mum was here, because at least she would be there holding my hand. So I wouldn’t have to do this alone. I have no one else, no one and to be frank it scares me half to hell. I am more familiar with pain and sadness than happiness. Borderline Personality Disorder is the closest thing to a relationship I’ve ever had.

Tia

x

#borderline personality disorder #being borderline #histronic personality disorder #hpd #bpd #antisocial personality disorder #apd #mental disorder #truth about mental health #bpd problems

[colourfullsims]

Venessa’s House...

When 5pm hit the next day, the usual suspects came filing in to Venessa’s cozy one bedroom rental; along with our friends from acting classes, Venessa had thrown out an obligatory invite to her high school friends, Della and Ayami. The trio had been close when they first started at Del Sol U, but over the course of freshman year, Venessa realized just how much of their friendship had been built upon them seeing each other five days a week. Without the confines of high school forcing them together, Nessa had spread her wings and ended up a lot different from her pop princess besties. There would sure to be drama if she cut them off all together, so she’d been slowly cutting down on their hangouts. There were a few randoms who’d made the guest list as well; Jamie’s best friends Jamal and Genevieve, Lottie and Tia, who lived on the same floor as Jas and I when I still lived in the dorms, Korey’s friend, Franklin (who I wasn’t even sure went to our school), and Johnny, the only guy I knew old enough to buy alcohol who also didn’t mind hanging out with underclassmen.

The room hummed with several conversations going on at once, everyone with some type of drink in their hand. The chaos had been enough that I hadn’t noticed the new girl slip in and find herself a quiet corner of the room. I looked back from where I was sat on the floor with Jas and saw her staring aimlessly around the room, that same look on her face from before like she wanted to melt right into the wall. Eventually, our eyes locked. She looked away quickly and took out her phone, swiping the screen as if she’d just found the most intriguing thing in the world. I took the hint and turned back to Jas, letting the new girl stay in her own bubble.

Jasmine: I don’t get how you can be so wound up about a few nobodies who don’t like your shit. It’s not that big a deal.

Yari: You’d get it if you made videos. Sponsors care about that shit. The more subscribers you have, the more people you can potentially convince that they need to invest in ten dollar butt wipes. And you know what those butt wipes are?

Jasmine: Not my business???

Yari: Influence. The entertainment industry is steep competition. Everyone wants to be a star, but now with social media, anyone can be with the right resources. The only thing separating me the next regular Joe who can afford a decent camera setup is my personal image. If I can’t keep people’s interest then who’s gonna invest in me past this Simtube shit?

Jasmine: Dude, you’re 19 years old. Lighten the fuck up! You’ve got plenty of time to impress whoever the hell and become an actress.

Yari: Yeah, well I’ll “lighten the fuck up” when I actually land my first big role, thanks.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a blur of green walk towards the kitchen, and just barely caught sight of the new girl making her escape to the empty room. Jas caught where my eyes went and looked at me inquisitively.

Jasmine: She yours?

Yari: What do you mean?

Jasmine: Well, I meant did you invite her, but now you’ve got me curious--

Yari: She’s just some freshman from class I invited. Don’t be so obvious.

Jasmine: Am I the one being obvious, orrrrr? ‘Cause I know that look, Yari.

Yari: Damn, I can’t just be nice?

Jasmine: You’ve got a very particular way of being “nice.”

Yari: [rolls eyes] I’m gonna make sure she’s not about to make a break for it through the back door.

Jasmine: [standing] I’ll join you. Sure it’ll be a hell of a lot more interesting than what’s happening here.

Credit for additional sims:

Della Higa by @simulationcowboy Jamie Jolina by @okruee Jamal Valentine by @moonbobs Johnny Zest by @okruee Leo Fox by @tangandzing Lori Hawthorne by @capricornsim Tiana Holden by @boomchicapopdat Charlotte Le Beouf by @boomchicapopdat

Table of Contents | Previous Chapter | First Page | Previous | Next

#all your sims are so beautiful thanks so much for sharing them!! #sims 4 #sims 4 story #sims 4 gameplay #ts4 #ts4 story #ts4 gameplay #the sims 4 #the sims 4 story #the sims 4 gameplay #simblr #black simblr #sims of color #and then they kissed #thelivinglensims #attk chapter 3 #lily of the valley #yari #ivy #venessa #della higa #della #ayami #jamie jolina #jamie #jamal valentine #jamal #genevieve #theodore #hiro

[wickednerdery]

Title: FrostBitten: Cracks in the Ice Author: @wickednerdery Fandom: Marvel Pairing/character: Loki x Reader (& Jotun!OC) Rating: Mature Summary: “The real you.” Notes: This is a series/multi-chapter fic - Masterlist Here. Ulfr is a Frost Giant, more clearly so than Loki, and “played” by Lee Pace. This piece is two sections, one with Ulfr and the other with the reader and Loki. The whole thing in general is dark, this one’s mostly just angst and violence though…For consistency and length it gets a “Read More”.

Ulfr freezes his door, his room, to a thickness that assures privacy from all, save perhaps Loki. He growls irritation seeing Tia’s body still on the bed; he forgot about her. Lacking his usual patience he simply opens a window wide and tosses her out. Her frozen form smashes upon landing...interesting, but there’s no time for experiments or play just now.

Settling into an overstuffed chair Ulfr works to relax, to clear his mind. It proves more difficult than usual as his mind returns over and over to you. Your interest, your sundae, your delight at his ice wolf, your body...he growls a heady mix of jealousy and arousal in the memory of Loki forcing you to suck him off.

Fucking Loki.

He shakes it away; he’s gotten so far, he gets closer every day, he can’t let one little Midgardian derail everything. He can’t let Loki’s childish games get to him. Deep breath in, slow exhale...

At his best he’s still little more than intermediate in his magic skills beyond the ice-based that come naturally to his people. It takes focus, a clear mind, as eyes fade shut - deep breaths in, slow exhales - and the second layers of magic flow across the room. These hide not just body, but mind and heart.

The world refracts, mirrors, around him and he becomes his true self. As fascinating as the dimension is, Ulfr never feels fully comfortable in it - needing the other to pull him in and out, it’s far too close to the containment rooms of SHIELD for his comfort. More so when the other isn’t there to greet him, like now.

He would say they’re partners, even if only in this task, but that’s still no where near accurate. They neither like nor trust one another and do not share the same goal in the end. Another world, another opportunity, they could just as easily be enemies in battle.

“Have difficultly?” His deep voice announces the sorcerer’s existence on this plane.

Ulfr’s lips curl slightly as he looks for the man. “At least I’m here in full.”

Strange appears before him, cloak billowing in attempts to intimidate. “I’m here.”

“And I’m ready.”

The moment you’re left alone you scramble to redress and return to your own quarters. With chair firmly under doorknob you run to the bathroom to vomit. You brush teeth, even attempt to clean out the taste of him with soap, before throwing up once more then showering.

It’s no use. You can still taste, feel, Loki all the way down your throat. You can sense him in the pit of your stomach and swimming through your veins. It’s like he’s entered your core. It isn’t even the act this time - distasteful as it was - it’s the feeling of being a pawn. That Loki might not even be attracted to you, but thinks Ulfr is and that alone is enough to degrade you.

You look in the mirror, examine sallow and bruised skin, thinning face, and force a deep breath through raw throat. He will not break you. Not for his pleasure, not for another’s pain. Not for anything. You have to be stronger, learn more. Find a weakness, a way to his humanity. If Thor had it, if Ulfr does, so does Loki...no matter how deep it’s buried under sadistic acts and frosty blue eyes.

As the hours pass you force yourself to think on your interactions with the god. Each one. In detail. His peacocking destruction of the city...the sadistic, preening, delight of your first night...the angry disregard afterwards...the playing gentleness of the bath...the events of this morning. Every one a display, every one a tableau of... Your mind falls to the terrible, haunting, ice in Loki’s gaze and the way it counters the bloody red warmth of Ulfr’s…

“Did you truly believe your pathetic attempts at keeping me out would work?” Loki’s voice breaks your thoughts so that you jump. He gives a malicious chuckle as he stands at the end of the bed, over you, as you sit. “I suppose I could admire it...” he slinks around to the side. “The tenacity of it.”

This time you stay in the center, focus on him, refusing to show on your face the fear given away in pounding heart and shaking body.

“Of course, I could also consider it a great disrespect to your king.” Eyes shine their blue at the veiled threat. “Everything is mine. Your room, your bed, you. It’s all mine and I’ll not be denied it.” He flashes an image of himself in full armor, horned helmet, scepter in hand.

You lean back, but do not actually move away. “I know, my king.” You play in.

The vision fades; Loki returns to more regal dressings, pleasantness on his face. “You’re learning.”

“Of course, your majesty.” You smile softly. “Though, I confess, I have much to learn still.”

“Naturally.”

“May I ask a question, my king?”

“Very well.” He’s too cocky to be wary.

“...Why are you doing this?” Loki tilts his head in puzzlement, but lips show amusement; you press on to clarify. “Not taking over Earth, not ruling, I...I get that, I suppose. I mean...this.”

“What?”

“This.” You stress the word, continue. “You’re not a fool, you understand our cultures and you know you’re hurting people. I can see you enjoying it. But...why?”

“I am a god.” Loki insists.

“Gods aren’t sadistic.”

He chuckles. “Clearly you haven’t done enough research.”

“We haven’t offended you.”

His amusement is fading. “You’re getting close to it.”

“Please, your majesty, I merely want to understand.” You get up on knees. “I could supplicate myself and I think...I think you’d treat me worse. Certainly not better.”

He says nothing, only examines you.

“I would think you’d have an easier time getting loyal, truly loyal, followers with kindness. But you just...” The blue in his eyes seems to fade briefly, you swear they go green. “Hurt. Degrade. Why?” You move closer to him cautiously. “I know there’s a good king, a good man, in you Loki...”

Eyes go greener still as the god looks off somewhere you can’t reach, fathom, his face losing all fierceness, all confidence. His face, stature, change...he looks like a lost boy, unsure where he is, what he should do. It’s more haunting a look than he nastiest one could ever be.

“It’s okay...” you whisper, shift closer still. You’re getting through; whatever his guards, his walls, you can see the cracks in the small quiver of his lower lip.

What you can’t see is what’s beyond those cracks. Those memories buried in the darkest parts of him. That pain - searing, cracking, throbbing, burning - dug so far into him it’s settled into his heart. The abyss and those in it churning him through humiliations in the name of preparing him for this. Loki can feel it all, the seeming eons of it, and all at once as he shudders. The Tesseract’s power muffles his scream as tears slip out of green eyes.

You reach out. “I just...want to know you, Loki...” Hand reaches up, brushes a soft, cool, cheek. “The real you.”

In a snap it’s gone. All of it. His eyes flash blue rage and your head crashes against the wall on the other side of the bed. Vision blurs, spins into stars. You kick out under him, claw at hands squeezing your throat. This isn’t an act; he truly rages, hates, for whatever you’ve done to soften him in that moment.

His lips curl over teeth. “You presume to know me?! A god?! You stupid, fucking, mortal whore!!” He shakes you like a rag-doll, head bouncing off the wall, the mattress. He straightens up, lifts you in the process. “Tell me why I shouldn’t end your miserable existence right now.”

You only wheeze.

“Where are your pretty words now?” He sneers, drops you back onto the bed. “Good, stay silent, I’ve no use for your mouth beyond its pleasures. Speak out of turn again and I’ll cut your tongue from between those lovely, cock-sucking, lips of yours!”

Even after he storms out, door locking behind, you don’t move. You let tears stream down your face, wheeze breaths, but don’t dare move. You found a raw spot within Loki’s perfect exterior, the humanity behind the exhibit, and rattled him out of his illusions...but you know deep down that you’ve not yet paid the full price for it.

Sooo...this is the “work” Ulfr had to attend to and, obviously, Loki doesn’t know about it, hahaha! This Dr Strange is from the future and Ulfr’s main source for magical training (outside whatever Loki decides to teach him)...both men may have similar goals, but certainly not the same and that’s all I’m saying on that at the moment, lol! (And forgive any magic-logic lapses, I’m working under the “for the story!” principle, lol!)

(Gif made by me via two gifs I found on Google.)

Tagged: Tagged:  @welcome-to-fangirl-hell @chibiyanai @wadeyouwitch @creedslove @lady-crowned-with-stars @moonfaery @annievvv7  @ladyfluff @holykryptonitekitten @lokilvrr @janebrownnie @lokis-little-kitten @alexakeyloveloki @theangelsfightwithdevils @the-blue-tiefling @lokis-lady-death @dangertoozmanykids101 @prometheasmother @vethrvolnir  @wintertink  @amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes @drakonwild @starscreamloki @helayes​  @hiddles-rose​  @the-lady-witchitery …I think I got everyone, if you want on or off the list, just lemme know!!

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki of jotunheim #loki of asgard #OC: Ulfr #original character #loki x reader #loki x reader x oc #predator!loki #frostbitten #au #dr strange #dr stephen strange #fanfiction #my writing #not my gif #but kinda my gif #angst #violence #give me the darkness #Magic

[roserecaps]

Week Three: Tia Later/Sloppy Bowl

“I think everyone is getting along except one”  *Pans to Jordan staring at a cabinet eating avocado toast* ... Well who is it?! 

Group Date:

I always feel like the guys are way to excited for group dates. Those two words should never be together and it usually comes down to them measuring dicks either way. 

Becca brings all her girls out on the group date, including Tia, then invites Colton. This bitch just wants to dangle Colton in front of Tia like Aaron Fucking Samuels. 

The guys meet B at the spa, when she reveals that they wont be getting pampered they will be doing the pampering. Jordan looks like someone broke his hair straightener right in front of him.

Becca introduces the guys, gets to Colton and forgets Jason is even on the damn planet. Jason, you can shave your back now... bye Jason. 

Becca and Tia are fighting to see who can show more cleavage and Tia’s nipple is inches away. We do have to address that Colton is the one socks and sandals guy... there’s your trophy ladies. 

Jean Blanc: “We played as gentlemen and let’s all sit and talk with her.” *Becca walks in* Jean Blanc: “Hey girl, wanna come over here for a sec.” 

JEAN BLANC PLAYED YOU FUCKS! 

As B gets pulled aside from each of the guys, Jordan runs some quick numbers for us; 100% Bumble matches (4,000-4,000) - Those are all-star numbers bro! I would pay money to see his opening line. “Don’t be intimidated by my profile picture.” 

Jordan: “I know it’s hard that I am a model, I am not looking for someone pretty. Someone with a bright smile.” 

David: some dumb comment that wasn’t funny Triggered Jordan: “I’m a Wilhelmina Model (had to Google it), don’t be jealous of my three year deal with them. I am professionalism. I am attached to my face. My image is me.” As the Wilhelmina talent scouts begins to search their system to see if Jordan really has a contract...

Colton looks like he is in the clear, he gets the rose. Jason definitely regrets coaching him through all of that. 

One-On-One (Chris):

Chris and Becca may have traded jeans in the limo... The two pull up to Capitol Records. Guess who is waiting for them?! Richard Marx...... Yep no clue either. Didn’t look like Chris had any idea, cause he introduced himself like when the girl you’re on a date with runs into a guy she knows outside the restaurant. 

Richard tells Chris that he needs to write a love song for Becca... 

Chris: “This is tough for me, it all goes back to my upbringing and my relationship with my dad.” - Or maybe because you are writing a love song for someone you’ve met twice. 

If I stop talking about this date it is part because Trump and Kim interrupted it, but it’s also boring so I’m probably on Instagram. 

Quick update: Jordan still has his nails painted. 

Jordan: “I talk to God everyday, and God knows, you cross Jordan... You 86 them!” I believe that was Genesis 8:34. 

P.S. - Really not kidding I am done talking about this Chris date... I’m over it. 

Did the Bachelorette just become an episode of 48 Hours?! David left in a pool of blood and probably hairspray (looking at you Jordan). “He fell out of bed”. 

Group Date 2: 

The guys get to play some football! 

Becca: “Clay this is right up your alley” Clay: “Gee golly. Thank you for allowing me to come on this date” (Least manly voice possible)

But he is fucking people up as the G.I. Janes of the LFL (Legends Football League duh) scream in their face. 

What bet did Keyshawn Johnson lose to have to commentate this stupid date. He must have missed that note in his ESPN contract. 

Who the hell gave these nerds hockey masks!?

Lincoln: “The one thing we have that the white team doesn’t is heart” - The one thing that the white team doesn’t have is Lincoln and they are very happy about it. 

Clay down a touchdown with 1 min left

Until he becomes a bitch breaks his wrist. 

Becca is sending more people to the hospital than the Ebola outbreak. 

Evening rolls in and Garrett “teaches Becca how to tackle” essentially just politely asks her to grab his butt. 

Clay makes a grand entrance with his sympathy sling. “I told the doctors to wait for tomorrow, because I have a date.” In reality the ambulance dropped him off at a CVS and he bought a sling and some wrap. He gets the rose. 

BUT WAIT - Clay has a decision to make. Fight for the girl he tolerates or continue to play on an NFL practice squad. We have a real Sofie’s choice! He decides to break Becca’s heart/make her sending him home in two episodes easier and bows out. We will see him on a future season of Bach In Paradise. 

We do not get a rose ceremony, we will have to wait until David’s busted face gets back from the ER. He will high-five Clay on his way out. 

#the bachelorette #TheBachelorette #becca kufrin #ABC #tvrecaps #funny #television

[heinoushorrorhag]

tag 10 followers you want to get to know better

tagged by: @hero-of-kvatch whom tagged me bc i live in vegas

gender: girl

star sign: aquarius

height: 5'11

sexuality: bi

what image do you have as wallpaper: uh my phone wallpapers are just some aesthetic nonsense and then the wallpapers on my laptop are a neon sign that says girls girls girls and then the stranger things logo but it says chandler bings

where do you see yourself in 10 years: uhhhh living either in reno or somewhere in the pacific northwest OR im in a band and we’re on tour

if you could be anywhere else right now where: somewhere where it doesnt feel like the middle of july in fucking april

what was your coolest halloween costume: tbh despite how much i love halloween i never rly have cool costumes i just do basic shit. i think i was a vampire when i was like 9 that was pretty cool i guess

what’s your favorite 90’s show: the x files, twin peaks, friends, and fresh prince

last kiss: last like. actual Kiss was like. over a year ago when i was in a relationship. and then last like. kiss-that-doesnt-count was i kissed my tia on the cheek today

have you ever been to las vegas: i live here and it fuckin Sucks!!! let me out!!! its hot and boring!!!! and everything’s brown and tan and beige. th first time i left vegas as a small child i saw a bunch of grass and trees and it was like that scene in force awakens when rey is like “i didnt know there was so much green in the whole galaxy”

favorite pair of shoes: oh man i need better shoes. uhhh there’s this pair of boots i got from target a few years ago that are p cool and then i have a pair of chucks that ive owned for like 4 years and they’re falling apart but thats what makes them so sexy

favorite fruit: unpopular onion i dont like fruit but watermelons Good

favorite book: I Cant Fucking Read. but my fave book series is the raven cycle and those are the only books ive been able to read all the way through since i was like. 10 years old. i read the entire series in a week. it normally takes me months to finish one (1) book. so unless a book is like Really good (or a poetry book) i cannot and will not read it.

stupidest thing you’ve done: oh god i do dumb shit all the time i have no common sense and i dont think my decisions through. im also easy to trick

im gonna tag som Mutuals (i hope to god theyre all mutuals bc im not gonna make sure) that i dont kno very well: @b0one @navarrooutpost @cherryganache @putchgoosit @gayterenus @enohlaalus @parrishes @chloepricevevo @divaythfyr @actuallygansey and then jus. any other mutual. if u my mutual u my friend and ur Tagged

#woah i actually tagged 10 people. thats th first time ive ever listened to the directions on these kinds of thingies

[theviewfromthebooth]

Unbearable

Hey everyone. I've not written anything in a while, or had much motivation to, but everything is all over the shop right now, and a couple of weeks ago, something just came out of me. Back in those quaint times when we all still hoped this wouldn't be as bad as it is now (roughly three weeks ago), I made a joke in The Anfield Wrap office about making a disaster movie involving the Coronavirus and Liverpool's title party - the two biggest things in all of our worlds at the time. 

Well, I did it. It's a short story, but I've dreamt it as a movie, and hopefully the words will turn into images for you too. It was meant to be funny, but halfway through I realised that it isn't. It's also a bit too niche for most football or literary fiction sites (apparently), so I'm putting it up here. In the absence of any kind of appetite for the usual April Fools shenanigans, this is a good time to drop it. 

 It became a way for my mind to deal with everything – by laying out the worst case scenario, our situation becomes more bearable by comparison. Also worth noting that this was written before the government backed away (publicly at least) from herd immunity.... 

 Dedicated to my two biggest creative inspirations – Matt Groening & John Gibbons. 

                                                           -x-

UNBEARABLE:

A short story from the brain of a trying-not-to-panic Liverpool fan "For years Evertonians have been saying that the world will end if Liverpool ever win the league again......what if they were right?”

Ronnie has been planning his title party for years.  In the pub, in bed, at work, on the toilet. While his beloved Liverpool drifted nearer, then further from their holy grail, he has never wavered from what he calls his life's work. Torture is what Jan calls it. He still doesn't know how close she came to leaving after the open top bus fiasco in 2014,  but he knows he never wants to see that look in her eyes again.  She'll come around once she sees it, and feels it.

That day in 1990, when he was the same age as little Dirk is now.....the street party. The last time he remembers his parents happy. All he wants is that same unlimited joy for Dirk... and to keep him in Red. Kev was  a stubborn little so-and-so, but that won't happen again.

Back then he only had Roy Evans and his sporadically brilliant Spice Boys as ammo – now he's got Jurgen Klopp and his mentality monsters. Even Jan is changing her tune.  Ronnie couldn't believe his luck when she agreed to let him dress Dirk up as the Premier League trophy, complete with silver paint & ribbons. They won't need a bus – Adam down the road will bring his flat-bed truck. What better memory for the lad than to be paraded through the streets of Anfield, held aloft by thousands of jubilant Kopites? Just 2 wins away. He can almost taste it. Nothing can stop them now....

“It has been confirmed....all football in Britain is suspended until at least April 30th, as a result of the coronavirus. BBC Sport understands FA chairman Greg Clarke expressed his fear at Friday's emergency meeting that the season may have to be abandoned....”

The blood drains from Ronnie's face as he stares through the TV screen. The phone buzzing in his pocket snaps him back to reality, as news reaches the Whatsapp group:

Within the  walls of Whitehall, Clarke almost slips as he gets up from his chair. His head is so scrambled he offers Hancock his sweaty hand, before quickly whipping it away much to the amusement of Hancock and Johnson, and eventually Scudamore. Their laughter sends a chill through his bones. They think they've cracked it, but he KNOWS football fans. Closed doors aren't enough to keep away fans who've been waiting 30 years. And Liverpool have a LOT of fans.

As the chauffeur moves away, he takes out his phone to Google 'Herd immunity'.........

Ronnie's phone is red hot. Plans are moving at pace. Everton have been squashed and Operation Palace is full steam ahead. Dirk is bouncing off the walls in excitement and it's not even 10 am. Luckily a cuddle from cousin Danny always calms him down. Danny's dad is no such help. Kev has always been the bitterest of Blues, but claiming Dirk's life is at risk feels pretty low, even for him.

Ronnie plants a kiss just above the paint line, before pulling the woolly crown tight over the boy's ears, and hoisting him onto his shoulders. Dirk's laughter vibrates through his back as he shouts “You better get in that bunker of yours if you're that worried”, turning his snarl to a smile.  Jan takes a picture of her glassy eyed husband with the Premier league trophy, which goes down a treat in the Whatsapp group, followed by the obligatory joke about 'going viral'.

Only this time it's no joke. By the time they get to Adam's garage the streets are packed. Half of Liverpool have descended onto the estate. And they've all come to lift the trophy.

Johnson's brow furrows ever deeper as his aide lays out the situation - hiding his eyes from the mess he's created. Liverpool Council can't control the crowds. Reports suggesting as many as 3 million people are on the streets. Budget cuts sanctioned by his hand have left emergency services at breaking point, even before the 600% increase in population. Suspending public transport has caused queues of 10 miles and counting in every direction. Vaccines are running out fast, with nowhere near enough immune patients to protect the vulnerable.

His hands tighten on each other, as if the answer can be wrung from them. With the pleading eyes of his aide boring through his thinning scalp, the spell is broken. A menacing silence hangs between them.  He knows the whole country hangs on what he says next.

He knows he needs a miracle.

As the clock hits 90 minutes, so do Crystal Palace. Liverpool have roared back from an early setback to lead by 4 goals to 1. From the swaying throng in the garden of  Hotel TIA, Ronnie can feel himself let go of 30 year's worth of tension. 30 years of balls hitting posts and staying out. 30 years of penalties not given. 30 years of “should've saved that”. 30 years of “should've been us”.  All gone.

The final whistle is met with a guttural roar.  A roar 3 million strong, a roar so full of electricity that it creates a mushroom cloud over Anfield skies. Dirk reaches for his father, who doesn't miss a beat with his mock trophy lift, complete with the Henderson stutter step. Silver tears stain his face as he watches his son surfing the sea of hands.

A moment like no other.

It's only the thought of sharing the moment with Jan that causes Ronnie to reach for his phone. 34 missed calls. 55 unread on Whatsapp. “The Reds are still massive!” he thinks to himself as he opens Jan's most recent message:

“It's too late. I'm sorry. Good luck. I love you both.”

“With their country now stabilised, this new Chinese study into the Coronavirus will become the template for the rest of the world to follow. There has been some surprise at the results.  It appears children under 8 are the biggest carriers, while the fatal age threshold is only 40 years old, and could be even lower for those with a higher than normal blood alcohol level. The bad news for us here in Britain is the government's controversial 'Herd Immunity' strategy has been completely discredited”.

“FOR GOD'S SAKE TURN IT OFF!”

Anxious limbs fumble at the remote for what feels like hours, before finally, silence. Three pairs of eyes dart from George Alagaih's worried face to that of the Prime Minister.  Hancock musters the courage to meet his glare.

“At the current rate of infection, Liverpool will be at 90% by 7pm this evening. Considering what we now know about their vaccine levels, and....alcohol consumption....”

“HOW ON EARTH HAVE YOU FUCKED THIS UP? YOU TOLD ME THE SCIENCE WAS WATERTIGHT!”

“It was as watertight as could be in such an unprecedented scenario. The goalposts kept moving...” “I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FUCKING GOALPOSTS! ALL I NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU IS HOW WE STOP IT SPREADING!”

“W-we do have a plan”.

Hancock hands over the proposal, and takes three deliberate steps back. He allows himself to exhale once he sees Johnson's eyebrows rise, and then settle, from behind the folder.

“I've run the numbers, with Sunny & Wallace. It's tight, but we can afford it.”

The Chancellor  nods slowly as Johnson looks in his direction.  A nervous head appears through the crack in the door, like a tortoise unsure of Spring.

“We need a decision, sir.”

Ronnie pants hard, darting for space like Mo Salah in a forest of defenders. He can't bring himself to believe it. Not yet. Not like this. No time. Just keep running. Half a mile from home. She'll come around once she sees us.

Dirk lets out a yelp as they're brought to an abrupt halt by Breck road traffic. Ronnie looks deeper into the faces around him. What was once drunken ecstasy is now something very different. All he sees is agony, smudged with silver. Doors have been bolted, windows shut. Songs are now screams. Visible waves of panic ripple through the crowds, as infection and information sow their seeds in real time. It takes him a while to recognize the hard thudding against his spine isn't his own heartbeat – it's his son coughing. He whips Dirk off his back and holds him in front of his face.

“Don't cry mate, it's gonna be okay” he croaks, barely able to say it let alone believe it.  Suddenly a cheer rises up ahead.  Ronnie instinctively moves towards the sound. That sound he thought he would feast on forever. Before he can pinpoint it, a larger sound fills the space. Less a sound than a NOISE. A long, buzzing noise, that prickles the neck and causes everyone to look up.

Bright white foam boxes with big red crosses fall from the sky.  More and more. Hundreds. Thousands. Cheers break out all over as boxes are ripped open, and the hugging of strangers resumes.  Ronnie releases Dirk's hand as he catches the box thrown at him, and pulls off the top.  He takes out the tablets and the bottle of water, and rubs his boy's back as he swallows them down. Overcome with relief he takes the trophy for one last spin, before placing him back on his shoulders. Home time.

“We shall not, we shall not be moved! We shall not we shall not be moved! Just like the team, that won, the football league...”

“WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED!”

Dirk waves to the little planes in the sky that saved the day.  He continues waving at the much bigger planes looming, and the giant glass bowl they're carrying.