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oh-for-fic-sake-library · 1 year

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The Apprentice Hunt

Masterlist

Summary: Being force sensitive was tough in the empire, whether you were trained or untrained you had the inquisitors and storm troppers to worry about. But well the empires huge starfleet was also a great place find a job. And everyone needed one of those right? Sure you were slightly concerned when landing yourself a job on lord vaders flag ship. But luckily youd taught yourself to stay awake in restfull meditation. Everything was fine, untill one night you got a visitor sneaking into your peacfull meditation. And he was a stubborn asshole who wont leave you alone!

Warnings: swearing, power dynamics?, fear/anxiety, more platonic teasing than anything.

A/N: this was an idea i had for a while nd finally decided to write it. It comes from the thought of what happens when a force users abilities arent trained or tainted by jedi or sith? How would vader react to finding someone like tht in his ranks.

Vader stood quietly observing the structure infront of him. Dark, polished and iridescent. The flat surface seemed to go on for miles in either direction, and had to be a mile high atleast. It was the strangest sheilding he had ever seen in his medative exploration. And that was saying something his only rest was meditation.

Though he was also annoyed, who ever this was they had more control then most. Their inner sanctum sat in the middle of a desert, a sea of black sand, he'd scaled the rising and falling of the ever changing black dunes for quite some time. The constant shifting had been a nuisance, he'd even reaches a shore line at some point. Then had ti turn around and make his way back.

This had been weeks of work leading him here, figuring out the route that would let him pass through the constantly changing landscape. Each night he would retire to his chamber and enter the same meditation. Searching for the pull, and then following it untill he felt the sifting sand below his feet and began his journy searching for the life force pulsing from within.

With the eradication of most force sensitive beings within the empire it was rare to find another in meditation. He'd first thought that he had tracked a careless jedi, perhaps one of the masters that had escaped.

But he quickly disregarded that once he had wandered deeper, following the tugging and light airy feeling that came from this other being. Their force was more natural they felt organic? Not processed and refined. Sometimes in his search they werent around, yet each time he had felt them he had managed to get closer and closer. Finally tonight was the night. He had reached the barrier.

He hovered by the tall structure, pressing his hand to it only to hiss and pull back. It was freezing to the touch, painfull even. He subtly cursed the fact he had chose to appear as his own complete form in the hunt for this new user. He felt the need to hide himself, he wanted the anonymity his former self gave him.

The barrier flickered in an odd shimmering opalescent effect around where his hand had rested, and then slowly returned to the black iridescent once more. Odd, very odd indeed, this force user was skilled but not in the same way he was. No. But how does he get in? He could try to destroy the wall, but that would give himself away as a powerfull force user and chase them away.

Vader was interested in this new found oddity, he wanted to observe them, perhaps even claim them as an apprentice should they contimue to spark his intrest. Then he would have an extra set of hands to rid the galaxy of palpatine. And the newbie being so knew and untrained would mean it'd be longer befor they learned everything he knew and tried to kill him to become a master themselves.

"Can i help you?" Vader took a step back as a soft voice called out from the barrier. So they are female, that surprized him. Force sensitive women that are untrained were easy to find, their emotions revealed them quickly.

"You are self aware?" He uttered a little shocked that he had been approached. There was a pause, for a moment he doubted she had heard him through the black wall seperating them.

"So are you. You've been searching for me. Drawing closer each night, why?" The voice carried across the mental block easily. He was almost lost for words, it was an impeccable control. Something no one outside of a jedi or sith master should be able to achieve. The raw talent was unfathomable.

"I was curious. You dont see many force sensitives in meditation nowa days" he faltered, at first hesitating for a second but quickly found himself again. His mind was already weaving together excuses and schemes to claim you as his own apprentice. He just needed to find you.

"You never heard of curiosity and the cat? i could have been anyone. Approaching strangers in meditation is dangerous" she laughed almost chiding and teasing him all in one sentence. But there was a nervous chime. An overwhelming fear lacing the words. You were uneasy. Good, you were smart enough to be cautious of him.

"And yet your interacting with me" he quipped smugly chuckling, wanting to test you, poke and prod he new all he needed to about your ability. Now he wanted to explore your character, see if you had any hope of becoming sith. If not he wouldnt waste his time. He'd outright attack you and tear apart your defences before seeking you out in the real world and disposing of you. You were either an asset or potential threat.

"You won't leave me alone untill youve been acknowledged." She huffed out like speaking down to child. He bristled at that, noone spoke down to him! He ws a sith lord! Yet, there was a smile on his face. It was exciting, fun? Apart of him liked the sass this woman had. She wasnt a push over.

"Correct. I thought you were a jedi, but your force is... unique not something the order has tampered with"

"Ah well thatd be telling" he frowned at the giggled reply. Fuck. This woman wasn't going to give him answers with light prodding. And he hgot the feeling she was toying with him. He growled as the giggle escelated. He rolled his eyes turning away from the impressive defence and leant on the wall crossing his arms. Fuck

"You would be wise to give me my answers" his said flippantly, or atleast it would have been flippant had his aggravation hadnt krept into his words making them sharp.

"Maybe youll get an answer when you actually ask a question" the gentle voice trailed off with a giggle. Vader grunted. Technically the girl was right, he hadnt actually asked anything, was he so used to having people grovel and hnd him information that he forgot how to ask for it?

"Are you a jedi?" He huffed definitely not pouting, or sheepish about being called out. He could feel his cheeks flush in rare embarrassment, why was this girl getting to him? She was making him feel well? Normal. He was unsure if he liked it or not.

"Nope. Thank the stars for small mercies" the woman answered surpriseing him. He'd thought she would have tried her luck and refuse him. Perhaps she was just as curious as he was. Which would be a good thing in the long run, maybe he could lure her out easier.

"Trained?" His second question was out faster then he would have liked, he sounded somewhere between eager and desperate for information. He'd have to be mindfull, she was skittish and he didnt want her to bolt and lose a potentialy powerful asset.

"No, well i figured stuff out alone, practiced and stuff not sure if youd call it training though, it was nothing formal you know?" The woman explained. Vaders frown deepened, impossible it was unheard of! Force sensitive people needed the formal training to get anywhere! They needed a guide, mentor something to help them. There was no way this girl could have come so far alone.

"Thats impossible! How? People outside of the sith and jedi shouldn't even be self aware in meditation. Let alone have these types of defences" he snapped as he pressed on the wall, placing experimental pressure on it, slowly increasing his force wanting to truley test it, yet not wanting to break it completely. He was torn, he wanted to force through, but he also wanted you to submit willingly.

"The empires genocide has a way of kicking you up the arse. I had to learn to be awake to survive; could you stop fucking pushing!" The woman snarled striking the defence from the other side sending a rippled of power through it, interrupting his light attack making his own force stutter and flare around him.

Vader grunted pulling back as your own burst through the force shocked his finger tip lightly making them prickle and feel fizzy before going numb. He shook his hand and took a step back from the wall

"So you are inside of the empire?" He pressed trying to ignore the building irritation and small voice in the back of his mind telling him to turn the wall to rubble and clear a path to the girl on the other side. No, he wont attack, at least not yet.

"What does it matter?"

"As i said im curious, in all my years ive not felt this... freedom that dwells inside of you I would like to speak face to face, or enter your mind further to explore." He uttered finally making his intention clear. He felt a tremor, amusment, shock and fear all balled into one. His words had resounded with the woman.

"Why would i do something that stupid? You could be an inquisitor for all i know. Next thing i know i could be getting hunted or dragged to a plasma slice n dice" he shook his head amused by the way your worded your own potential demise. You had a dry sense of humour, something he hadnt enjoyed for a long time. But then again no one wanted to make jokes with him, he couldnt blame them but he does miss it occasionally.

"You can volunteer the answers i seek or i can tear them from you" vader threatened as his rage caught him, years of bnever being refused or questioned made him unable to curb himself when faced with out right rejection.

"See now thats just rude. Im out of here" vader barely registered the words as suddenly the womans presence was gone and he was alone. Within seconds the wall disappeared before his eyes and everything was gone. He cursed himself, she had slipped away because he couldnt control his arrogance. Fuck.

"Can you not?" You grunted as you made your way along your inner minds protective wall, towards the harsh thumps and heavy hits that ricocheted along the wall. He was back, and this time attacking. Well maybe less attacking and more knocking. Harshly. Youd been ignoring it for the best part of an hour now, but It was clear he wanted attention and wasnt leaving untill he got it.

"Oh so you can hear me?" The male chuckled smugly from the other side ceasing his incessant banging. You rolled your eyes, he was such a fucking child. You opted to take a seat on the floor picking at the grass lightly.

"Hard not to when your trying to blow a hole in my wall" your replied sarcastically, feigning bordem. You dont want him to think you were curious of him. Of gods forbid, wanted to chat to him.

"You know I wouldnt be if youd let me in" he quipped once again tryingnto wriggle his way past your defence. You huffed cursing under your breath. You couldnt help feelingnhe was far to used to getting his own way. And that in itself was a red flag.

"You realise I come here to relax? Not to be bugged" you hummed unimpressed.

"And I came here to talk." You could practically hear him trying to sound inconspicuous. He sucked at it, it was clear he was on some reconnaissance misson wantingnto find out as much as he could. He wasnt exactly subtle.

"No, you came here to investigate" you corrected making it clear you were no fool. You had him pinned.

"If it bothers you so much why not let me in and investigate? I'll be out of your hair quicker" ah again with the false casual attitude. My god one thing was for sure, he was not a spy. Well not a very good one. It was actually unsettling it meant he had no need to hide, no need to watch his back or think about consequences. It meant he was either powerfull or important, possibly both.

"No. I know nothing about you other then your a bit of a stalker" you shrugged and smiled when you heard an indignant sputter and snarl from him. Oh, he didnt lie that~

"I am not!" He hissed furiously, offended by the mere insinuation of stooping so low. You threw your head back and laughed out loud, tumbling back the lay in the grass. You calmed your laughter enough to tease him once more.

"mmhmm really? You did chase me down for a few weeks"

"Seeking a fellow force user out is so bad?" Oh so he was going to try the lonely wandering force user card? Unfortunately sympathy wasnt a strong suit for you. You cant afford sympathy in the empire. Sympathy, mercy and trust were the holy trinity to getting killed. No thank you.

"With a strength like yours? Yes. Im not thick, your someone powerfull, either a jedi sniffing out new padawan for some suicide mission. Or an inquisitor looking for new prey" you answered truthfully making it clear you weren't some stupid naive little idiot. You didnt survive this long in the empire without having your head screwed on. You knew who ever this guy was it was bad news for you.

"I assure you I'm neither, and like you said your not thick it was only a matter of time you drew someone in. Your different" you could hear the conviction, the words almost a chiding decree. Like he belived his word was absolute that no one could dispute him. It sent another little red falg in your mind. The more you heard the more uneasy you got.

"And theres my other issue. Your too confident for someone to be hiding from the empire, its disconcerting" you confessed to him, you needed to be careful. Hopefully if you called him out a few times he'd grow bored and leave, hunt for easier prey.

"I will not allow any harm to come to you, you have my word. Let me in and youll be under my protection." You shuddered at the eerie calm, the force laden words dripping with persuasion and temptation. This fucker was trying to manipulate you. You sat up with a growl.

"Oh? And you are in a position to promise that?" Your words a sarcastic malice as your got annoyed yourself. You began pulling back from him growing more definsive. You couldnt help feelingnvery stupid for interacting with him.

"Yes. I have the authority to make that promise" aha! Gotcha! You grinned, he'd fallen for that hook line and sinker.

"So you are a ranked officer in the empire? Thanks for the heads up" you muttered victoriously unable to hide the smug glee from your words. All previous rage now melting away into amusment.

"I? wait thats not what i meant- the empire wouldnt harm someone so unique."

"So not only high ranking but trusted enough to know what the empire would and wouldnt do with little old me" you verified quickly reading between the lines and figuring out the truth behind his panicked explanation.

You smirked waiting for another snippy remark or a desperate excuse. But intead tou were met with silence. The quiet dragged on for. Long few mineuts. He was collecting his thoughts, tryingnto find a way to twist his own words. But he couldnt, youd figured out too much.

"Your silence is telling inquisitor" you hummed playfully rising to stand, stretching your back out. Gettingnready to leave, it was almost time for your next shift.

"I am not an inquisitor" the harsh reply was accompanied with a hard thump on the wall seperating the both of you. Ooo someone was in a mood now. You smiled at that, good now he was just as annoyed as you were at being disturbed in your meditation.

"I beg to differ, You feel like a trained jedi~" you added desperately fighting your laughter not wanting to make him feel to annoyed. Afterall he was strong, and could easily tear down your defences and ravage your mind taking anything he wanted from your memory and thought.

"I am not an inquisitor. You would do well to remember that" he pounded once more on the wall making it shudder. A warning. You jumped back eyeing the black dense barrier. A shiver rzn up your spine. The force whispering warnings to you, coiling around your very soul with alarm and fear. It was clear what it was telling you to do. Run. Danger. Leave. Leave now, while you could. It was a primal fear, desperate and feirce and you werent going to ignor it.

"Anyway i hate to cut this short but i have work. Tata for now" you spoke a little louder as you backed up from the barrier, eyes locked onto where you knew your visitor stood waiting for him to break through. After a few steps you turned and ran, sprinted right out of your own meditation full of adrenaline and sickening fear. That was too close. You had to be carefull in future.

"You! Hey you! I can feel you hovering! Get over here and fucking explain that bullshit!" You shouted, jumping up racing towards the presence you felt on the other side of the wall. You'd been impatiently wating for him to arrive for almost half an hour, throwing fear and caution to the wind. You were far to angry to fear this unknown wielder.

"Oh my, and here i thought you were terrified of me~ you are a very angry girl today." he uttered with mischievous glee. You snarled at him sending a wave of fury towards him, wanting him to know just how upset you were about todays antics. Your going to kill him!

"You bet your ass i am! What the hell was that earlier!?" You screeched letting yourself give into the rage and fear. Today was a shit show, and in amongst all the terror and confusion your felt the last thing you needed was to discover the stranger that had been haunting your meditation calming your emotions. Intruding on your life force manipulating your feeling to sooth you. It was crossing so many lines!

"Our interactions have left an... imprint. We have a connection. A bond" he explained vaguely smirking to himself. Proud of his new scheme and the force bond he had uncovered.

"The hell we do! Destroy it!" You ordered panick seeping through you, this was bad. So bad. Disastrous! You cant form force bonds with people, it will get you caught! And you definitely shouldnt allow one with someone working for the empire especially someone high up. Fuck. This will be the death of you.

"Why would I do that?" Mirth and victory permeated the space. Rolling off of him in thick waves. He was pleased with himself. He was winning and you both knew it. You dont stand a chance.

"Because I dont need a force connection with you! And i certainly dont want you soothing me and shit! Im doing just fine! You need to stay the fuck out of my head! Stop co,ing here! Stop just ugh! Just fuck off before you get us both killed" You panted slapping both hands on the ever present wall that shielded your inner sanctuary. You felt asthough you were losing it. The peacefull safe escape youd always relied on, the space that held all of your prized memories and well kept secrets.

"You were deathly afraid. I dont see the harm in soothing you when you feel like your seconds way from a heart attack." The voice became stern. You could almost detect worry, as if he had truly felt alarmed by the terror hexd felt radiating off of you, screaming like a beacon. Not that youd admit to just how frightened youd been by todays announcements. If you acknowledged your fear youd succumb to it and make a silly mistake resulting in execution.

"I was not about to have a heart attack;"

"Yes yes. What happened? Are you hurt?" You faltered unable to be angry at his interruption. You just froze. What? He was clearly concerned that time. He didnt even try to hide it behind sarcasm or wit.

"No, no I'm not hurt, and nothing happened" you sighed inching yourself away from the wall between you. Closing your eyes trying to relax and take in the small safe haven you'd created for yourself. But before you could fully immerse yourself innthe calm quiet your guest tapped the wall sending a thrum of energy through it to draw your attention back to him.

"People do not experience that type of terror over nothing. Tell me what was it that spooked you?" You remained silent hoping he'd take a hint and leave. But this man was far to stubborn for his own good. Or perhaps just ignorant?

"No? Well let me hazard a guess then~ perhaps it has something to do with the announcement today?" You could hear the grin, the subtle smug victorious tone that he took on. Not to be confused with the usual smug smart ass.

"W-what are you talking bout?" Your words almost squeaked out as your mind began racing. What does he know? What has he done? Who is he? He cant be responsible can he? If he was, then he knew where you were. If he had a hand in the anouncment then that means you are being hunted. Hunted... he will kill you.

"The anouncment of random midi-chlorian tests for staff on the executor." You staggered back, quivering feeling ice flush through you. Your visioned blurred begind tears and your world spun, anxiety rendering you completely imobile. You couldnt even catch yourself s you knee buckled. You fell to your knees as if the weight of the entire empire was on your shoulders. And in a way it was. You were goingnto be found nd killed. A traitor, rebel, scum simply for being force sensitive. They would kill you. He would kill you, or even drag you before lord vader as a prize. A meal ticket to a promotion. All he had to do was call you amjedi, plant some evidence and that was it.

"Your silence is telling little one. I had my suspicions that we were both aboard the same ship. It was the only explanation to feeling you so often in deep space" you sat up snapping straight wide eyed recounting the words in your head deciphering them quietly. Fuck. How couldnt you have realised he was collecting information this whole time. You handt even thought of him realising you were on the same ship from interacting with you a when the executor drifted through space passing threw start systems hundreds of lightyears away from one nother.

Maybe he had been the one to advise the detours. Directing the entire ship; the entrie fleet! Around the galaxy to see if the connection severs or strengthens. Instead of either it had been consistent. Clearly you were close to him to have such constant stable meditation connections. All this was plnned, goihgn on secretly behinde the scenes and you were none the wiser to his search. Fuck. Youd done wht youd always swore you wouldnt do. Youd gotten complacent, and it may cost you your life.

"The same- wait your here! You? Fuck fuck!" Your panicked cries tore from you with little thought. Your knees bent, elbows resting on them as your head bowed, fingers digging through your hair fisting in the roots in frustration.

On the other side of the wall vader was smug. He had played this game carefully. Closed in around you without giving you a chance to react. A great game of chess played in the dark with an unknowing opponent. It was only here and now he could relish hin his victory. It was only a matter of time before he had you in the palm of his hand and could play with you. Prod at you, test your force.

Thats what all of this had been about. Finding you and examine the true abilities the force had to offer when untainted by jedi or sith. You were an anomally, and perhaps the only instinctual force user in the galaxy. The idea of having you at his mercy was thrilling. He wanted to observe you, encourage you to hone the force and see what was really capable for the natural organic wielder.

"You know had you been trained youd have been able to avoid being found out easily." He spoke finally breaking the tense silence. Fear and panic quickly morphed into anger. He could feel it. It was marvelous the way your life force swirled angrily. He could feel it, the tendrils coiling like dangerous vipers no hesitation or denile. Ypthe force wasnt regecting the emotional responses it was guided by them. Was this what it was meant to be like? Before people began to manipulate it into doctrines and add caveats and rules.

"Had i been trained id be fucking dead! You just? Fuck! What do you want from me? To have me killed? Is that it?" You yelled, panting as your chest became tight. Your throat felt blocked but nothing was there. Your mind quickly conjured images of the many times lord vader had killed by strangulation. This is what it would feel like. Nothing to claw at, your unable to breathe. Your going to die. Your going to die!

Vader faltered for a moment as you began to feel scared. Truely frightened. There was a distinct moment his smug victory lost its luster. You felt cold, incredibly cold, isolated and stuck. Tense in your own force as it become increasingly thick and aggressive. Anxiety and terror riseing to a suffocating manifestation of the force.

"No i just wish to find you, teach you help you unleash your potential" he wasnt sure what prompted him to try and reassure you. Perhaps he just wanted to keep you alive? Calm and safe. He did have plans for you. For some reason your force wasnt just reactive but almost uncontrolled in this highly anxious state. He could feel it almost turning in on itself. Trying to hide but couldnt quite recede inside of you. It was... harming you? He suddenly felt very guilty and very foolish for provoking you.

"You want to teach; do you have any idea what you have done? Has it occurred to you who is on this ship!? Lord vader himself- this is his fucking flag ship! He will kill me if he finds me!" You half shouted, half pleaded still trying to convince yourself this was just a bad dream. That when you wake up everything will be fine. There wouldnt be any tests being carried out. But he seemed to grow tired of the panicked wailing.

"Calm yourself"

"Fuck you!" The response was automatic, a hissed curse and snapping teeth. You were aggressive in your fear, feeling every bit a caged animal. Cornered and vulnerable but desperate.

"Enough woman" he snapped with a growl once again loosing his temper. He didnt appreciate your disrespect. Part of him wnted to reveal himself as your lord to quiet you down. But he feared youd do somthing dramatic. The lst thing he needed was to chase down a soldier whod stolen a tie fighters and was going rogue. And yes, thats what he thought you do if you found out you were curseing at vader himself.

"Dont you dare fucking 'woman' me! You've signed my death warrant! You might be some groveling jedi turned inquisitor and have skills to offer him in exchange to spare your life,but i fucking dont!" You finally screamed at him somehow managing a few deep breaths, tears flowing freely as you tried to regain control. But all you felt was an intense pressure within you. A thick syrupy feeling in your throat as if it were clogged.

"I have nothing and now... now i will be slaughtered like an animal for simply exsisting" you sobbed in defeat your deepest fear coming to light. You wouldnt simply be shot. No, youd be a traitor. On lord vaders ship no less. He was going to fucking gut you. And there was nothing you could do about it. Nowhere you could run or hide. With that final thought you turned walking away from the wall, there was nothing left to say or do. You simply had to wait for your number to be called.

"Your fear is going to be the death of you little one" you growled quietly hearing the concern tinted words reverberate through the wall. You maintained your position laying flat on your back in the soft grass, you hands clasped on your stomach eyes closed. You had been trying to ground yourself. Ever since your last encounter with your intruder things had gone from bad to worse. Life on the executor was exhausting, days filled with unending work and overall fear as the spontaneous midichorian tests were carried out across the ship.

So far just over three hundred tests had been carried out. Forteen personnel had not returned to their posts. There hadnt been any official executions but people were guessing. They talked, rumour had it they were being held in the cells waiting for... something. No one knew who or what? But something was coming.

"I thought you already had that covered" you huffed still laying down, focusing on the way your hands rose and fell with your breaths trying to find that all important numb open feeling. The blank freedom of true inner peace.

"Again with this? No one is going to kill you" he scoffed lightly pressing against the barrier seperating you. Not hard, or with the intent of breaking through. Instead it was like he was trying to comfort you. A light humm of his life force sizzled on the surface. But he wasnt pushy, just lightly grazing it.

He was trying to call you, coaxing you to interact with him and let him help ease your overall fear and exhaustion. Youd tried to avoid sleeping and meditating so you wouldnt have to encounter him. You knew he was dangerous now.

Can you blame me?" Your answer came in the form of a heavy sigh.

"Your fear is misplaced." He uttered before sitting in the sand leaning aginst the wall. Resting the back of his head against it lightly. He relly didnt want to fight today, he jut wanted to check in on you. You hadnt rested in meditation for over a week, he was... worried.

"Really? Explain that one to me again because i must have missed something" you snapped at him feeling yourself begin to grow angry with him. With the situation he'd put you in.

"I already told you that you wont be harmed. I wish to tutor you, to haven apprentice, explore your power and guide you" you rolled your eyes at that. He was haughty and almost seemed confused at your refusal. He must have felt he didnt need to be subtle about trying to use you. Clearly he thought himself so important that you should be greatfull he was even giving you the time of day.

"Oh yeah thats right your a big wig." You grunted unimpressed, more so out of spite. You wanted to get under his skin, which probably wasnt the best idea. But he laughed in response making you growl.

"Somthing like that" he chuckled shaking his head if you only knew. But as he sat in his own amusment, pondering your reaction. Youd been struck by a thought. This man was quite arrogant, so why not try to use that against him. Before you could really think over your plan you spoke out loud.

"Prove it" your words were quiet, calm and still unsure but you were taking the chance.

"And how would you like me to do that?" You swore he was teasing you, you heard the smirk. The light goading in his words. He seemed happy to just be speaking with you rather than you shouting at him.

"Call off the tests" you uttered without missing a beat. Eager to atleast try and coerce him into stopping the inevitable shit show coming your way.

"Now we both know i wont do that. How could i possibly find you if i called off the tests" he chided quietly, chuckleing lightly at the mere thought of suddenly ceasing all efforts to find you. And it was an effort, moreso because he was trying to keep it completely hidden from the emperor. For his plan to work he had to hide you, you cant be his ace in the hole if his master knew of you.

So he'd mentioned randomly testing the ranks but made sure not to know how or when they were implemented. Instead he got reports on the numbers and occupations of those that failed. Apart from that he knew nothing, and thats how it would stay.

"So you can call them off? You just wont" you werent sure how you felt at this realisation? Elated because youd managed to get more information about who this could be. But frightened as it became clear he really was high up in the chain of command. What if he wanted to find you to kill you, but punish you for all your insubordination first? Or worse, what if he was so high up that vader already knew about you? And thats why the tests were implemented so quickly, and its also why he wont stop them. Because it wasnt his decision to make, it was lord vaders.

"Maybe. Im closing in arent i? Today one of your colleagues were tested. I felt it, the terror. It was the moment we selected those from the eighth quadrant" his voice broke your train of though, and you were a little grateful for it. You didnt need another panick attack today.

"...Please stop, just stop. I want to live my life quietly" you begged quietly, rising to your knees gazing where you felt he was. Pressing your hands to the wall pushing through some of your life force gently, giving him a tiny sliver of what he'd wanted through out all of these meetings. A connection, you were frightened you knew you were playing a dangerous game but you had to give him somthing. The stacks had just became too great to ignore. If he was working with lord vader, you had to escape. Had to get out now. And unfortunately he was your only option for help in this moment.

You just wanted to live, to go to work and return to your fproom each night for a few more years before leaving the fleet and buying a small home somewhere. That all youd ever wanted.

"I will not stop. Not untill i have found you" he hummed in a bored tone. He was growing tired of this, the chase was loosing its appeal.

"Why? So you can deliver me like a lamb to slaughter?" You cursed, spat the words more in desperation than anger.

"You wont be harmed;"

"You dont know that for certain" you cut him off, growing tired of him repeating the same high horse bullshit. He didnt seem to understand the gravity of the situation he was putting you in.

"Yes i do."

"No you dont! No one knows what they will do... what he will do." In your panic youd let too much slip. You hadnt intended to let him know your thoughts, your true fear. This was the empire, fear were used against you just like every other weakness that was uncovered.

"He? You mean lord vader? Your scared of him. Is that why your so frightened?" You faltered at that just hearing it said out loud was enough to silence you.

"Oh course i am. He terrifies me. And if you had any sense he'd frighten you too. If vader finds out im hiding right under his nose? He will be so angry. Have you ever seen him angry? I wont just die. I will suffer for making him seem incompetent. Please, plese call off these tests and spare me that. I dont want to die" you pleaded with him, revealing the true consequence you feared. You didnt want to be found, you wanted to be left alone and safe.

The silence that followed dragged on, you were almost hopefull he was coming around to your wy of thinking. But no. Vader was hurt, he didnt understand why but your fear of him. The way you thought he'd kill you slowly for some pleasure of sport had unsettled him. And it never would normally, he didnt care for other peoples opinions but you were different.

He liked you, you were charming in your own irritatingly sarcastic way. He almost felt human with you, teasing back and forth, snippjng at one another like comrades. He hadnt had that in a long time. He just didnt feel so alone at night when he visited you. So to realise you were so scared of him, that you thought he was nothing more then a vicious killer was hard for him. But he couldnt blame you, you didnt know who he was. You didnt know he was who ou spent your nights talking to, that youd created this sort of companionship with him.

It was clear he had to put an end to this now, he had to force your hand. He needed you to see him, to come to him and help him end palpantine. Thats the only reason he ontinued to come to you. You were a secret weapon, with untamed power and he needed you to help kill palpantine so he could rule and make some changes to the empire. It had strayed from its purpose and vader was going to bring it back on course.

"I can see we are not going to agree, you do not trust me to come to me freely. So I will offer you a choice. Meet up with me outside of these meditations. Agree to become my apprentice and i will call off the tests, and release those with unacceptable results" he rose to his feet dusting off his bottoms as he spoke trying not to feel guilty for the sudden flare of fear and desperation he felt from the woman.

"If not then i will have every single one of you in the eighth quadrent tested and the undesirables will be relived of more than just their posts" he finally spoke offering you his ultimatum. You will reveal yourself or everyone whose counts were too high will die.

"Meet me in training hall b-5 at midnight, if you are not there you know what will happen. I am done chasing you little one, its time to come to me" he didnt pause for a response he didnt want to hear you crying and pleading. He didnt think he could bare it, he had grown attached to you. Convinced himself your were his apprentice, his soon to be student, so no. He didnt want to hear your panicked fearfull begging. Instead he left the meditation quickly, pulling himself back until he awakened in his pressurised chamber. Tonight was the night. He almost felt excited, he was looking forward to meetingnyou properly.

Rightly or wrongly you obeyed. Youd debated all day whether to call his bluff, but you wouldnt be able to live with yourself if you heard something had happened to everyone else. Plus you werent sure how much longer this man would be civil. He clearly had some say in the goings on on the executor;if not the entire fleet! So obeying him was probably for the best.

Not that you were fine with the prospect of revealing yourself. Honestly you werent. But that just how things went. You wandered the corridors, surprised by how quiet they were. Even this late you would have thought the ship would be buzzing. But no, it was quiet. The gentle humm of the ship and occasional patrol was all you could hear.

It didnt take long to reach the training room. It was one of the smaller ones used for sparring matches between the inquisitors. Somewhere they practice their force abilities in private. You felt very uncomfortable being in here, for you it was forbidden to enter this particular corridor. It was when you stepped inside a few more feet you felt eyes on you. The hair on the back of your neck stood on end. Your force tried to flare but you managed to relax it, purposefully pushing the energy back into the room so it wouldnt linger on you. Something you did without even thinking now.

"You are smaller than i anticipated" you yelped jumping, spinning around as you heard the modulated voice. For a split second you thought it was a trooper or something. And then you registered who was stood a few meters infront of you.

"O-oh shit" you scrambled back yelping as your tripped over your own feet before laying there for a few seconds staring up at lord vader. You quivered unsure what to do.

"Lord vader; im sorry my lord, i know its past curfew but;" you tried to apologise, praying he had only followed you out of curiosity. That he was going to give you a demerit for being in a restricted area.

"You have no reason to fear, i have told you time and again you are to be trained" Oh fuck.

"You; it was you all this time? Oh... oh maker i; im sorry i never meant to" you sat up, sublty shuffled back in terror as your worst nightmare was confirmed. Your dark lord; the sith lord and enforcer of the galactic empire and self proclaimed jedi killer had found you. And whats worse he knows your frightened of him.

You began hyperventilating still trying to shuffle back already knowing the out come. You couldnt even get up off the floor, your legs were like jelly and you felt sick to your stomach. Your mind fell into a shocked panic, screaming at you so many things it became and overwhelming mass of terror and instincts. Run, hide, cry? Fight? run, flee? Hide ,cry? Beg. You couldnt seeme to grasp a single thought long enough to act on it.

"Calm yourself young one. Your fear is... uncomfortable. I dislike it. Id much rather you stay the same infuriating yet honest self, calm down, thats it" with the simple raise of a hand and almost gently words the panic dissolved instantly. Your mind quietened and your body relaxed as if youd just been placed into a warm bath.

"You? D-did you do that?"

"Yes. You are a flighty thing. It'd do no good to have you so panicked and flee, a patrol could assume the worst and shoot. Then id be down a few troops and youll be in the infirmary unable to start your training" he explained, which surprised you. Honestly youd never heard of lord vader explaining himself to anyone before. Not even the far fetched stories about him had gone so far.

"Now come over here, let me get a look at you" you did as he ordered only hesitating for a second or so. Gasping slightly as you felt him use the force to prompt you into moving. A light shove to your shoulder and then pressure below you, helping you find your feet. You couldnt help feeling more and more insignificant as you approached him. He seemd so much bigger then youd ever realised. Larger than life even. Huge imposing and unreadable. But he didnt seem to be hostile. If anything youd have felt as though he was curious?

"My you are small, smaller then i had hoped. But no matter i suspect you will be agile. What you lack in physical strength you'll make up for in speed, youd suit shorter duel sabers" he began speaking out loud as he analysed you closely. Debating on what type of training would suit you. Looking for natural advantages youd have. Despite being so clinical in his assessment you didnt feel dehumanised, reduced to mere power and potential. You felt oddly proud?

"Your aura is tempered. You feel normal. How are you masking so well young one?" The genuine curiosity threw you a little, he sounded gentle? Well as gentle as his voice coder allowed. You felt an odd warmth from him, a delicate encouraging twinge from his force. He was trying to reassure you. And you didnt mind, in fact you were pleased. There was no protocol for this. Youd never been this close to lord vader before never had to learn how to mind yourself or try to anticipate his moods. So the way he was maintaining enough distance between you both to keep you comfortable was very much appreciated. He was cutting you some slack.

"I dont... i dont know i just do it..." you explained as best as you could whislt trying to figure out how much of this relaxed feeling was you, nd how much was a manipulation. But even as you prodded your lords intrusive force lightly he didnt press back. Infact he seemed to invite your curiosity. Not that you were really incontrol of the interaction. Not conciously anyway, the force was its own entity, you could only let it coil nd drift around the new sensation.

Vader relaxed It was only natural that youd try to get a feel for him. It was something all younglings did the first time a more refined user connected with them. And that is what he was doing, claiming your own force signature, smothering it with his own in an intimate bond. All mentors did this, its how they learned what type of jedi they were raising. What their force naturally gravitated towards, healing, offence or defence.

"Do you imagine something? Picture something in your mind to mould your life force and blend in?" He asked after a moment, realising you were still wary of him even though you were fixating on his life force. It made him smile below his mask, it reminded him of the last time he'd done this with ahsoka. Though she was younger and used to the experience of having someone elses force brushing against hers in her own mind. It was something the jedi did as you grew. The ability was used as a tool, subtly sweeping through the minds of younglings to calm them or help them overcome their emotions and eventually shun their undesirable feelings altogether.

"What? Oh Yes, I think of a stream sometimes" you replied still pulling faces subconciously investigating the changes in the force surrounding the both of you.

"A stream?" He uttered quietly before nodding slowly, quickly understanding what you were doing. It was quite impressive a type of masking without exerting yourself or trying to cut off fro. The force; which took alote of concentration and willpower.

"Yes, like a shallow body of water always moving? Its hard to explain and probably doesnt make sense" you waved it off feeling stupid. I mean he was asking for answers you didnt quite understand youself

"No, no it makes perfect sense. You are constantly flushing the force through you, letting it trickle away. Never letting it build up and become noticable its clever.Its why you are so..." his complement trailed off slowly, he couldnt find the word to describe the odd aura that surrounded you. The force gravitated to you, like any other force sensitive being. But it didnt linger like most, didnt hover around you in a dense pull. It dissipated.

"Weak?" You offered self depreciation drentching the word, underlaying humour and sarcasm. He could tell you were trying to lighten the mood. He understood the need to fill 5he silence. Many people felt the need to when interacting with him. He put them on edge and you cant discern anything from silence.

But that wasnt to say he necessarily liked the way your defaulted to crushing yourself. You needed confidence, needed to hve enough self respect to know your worth. To take what you are owed. Something he will be sure to encourage, you have to find pride and ambition.

"I was going to say unusual. What else can you do?" His words were chiding at first. He risked stepping closer well aware of how fidgety you were. But he had to push you throw this fear nonetheless. He cannot train you if you were to terrified to aprouch him, how would combat or lessons in the force ever work? No. Its best to break barriers now. He will be understanding, but he wont coddle you. Time is of the essence, he had plans and you had to be ready to play your part on time.

"Move things... and sometimes control people" you shrugged as if these werent a big deal. It was pretty standard stuff for force users. And vader agreed, they were usually what youd expect. For trained users. But you were untrained and raw, to have such refined ability without formal training was rare.

"So thats what you were trying to do in our meetings? Trying to manipulate me?" He chuckled lightly grinning below his mask, he had wondered what the tickleing sensation had been. And to think youd been trying to control him amused him. You really were a breath of fresh air, he was almost eager. Excited to see you blossom and grow into somthing both amusing and powerful. Youd definitely suit him as an apprentice.

"Only once or twice, i wanted you to leave me alone" you mumbled rubbing the back of your neck nervously.

"Is there anything else you can do?" He asked taking yet another step closer closing the distance unoticed by you. Or maybe you did notice but didnt feel the need to run. Either way he got the same result, managing to get within rms reach of you without you screaming and bolting for the door. Not that yous make it far, he'd simply use the force to pluck you from the floor.

"Well maybe? But i never figured out if it was a force thing or not. Sometimes i feel things? Like bad stuff. I get a feeling that something bad will happen nd then it does" though your explination was a little less then coherent he did get the message. The force was tricky to explain at the best of times, so he couldnt really expect you to articulate it like a expert. But your words did give him pause for thought. That was not a usual naturl force ability. The last jedi said to have such afinity was yoda himself, and the old master didnt weild it, instead let it fester and become useless.

"Like visions?" He asked trying not to sound so desperate, he wanted to be as nonchalant about it as he could. He didnt need you worrying over it. Force knows you had enough going through your head as it was.

"No, i never see what it is, i just have the feeling before hand? A deep dread. Its only after something happens i realise what it was about" he nodded thinking over the words and comparing them to things he had read in the thousands of jedi and sith texts he'd researched over the years. Thankfully he had heard of such and odd thing. It was rare, very rare.

"Empathic premonitions. A powerful ability that is the beginning of true foresight. If trained properly you could not only have visions of the future but decipher them correctly in the right context" he offered the information up easily, to withhold knowledge from an apprentice was not the sith way. Though technically you should outright ask him for the answers he would be lenient for the moment. You were unaware of such things as of now. You would have to learn how to become a sith apprentice, just as he would learn to become your master.

"Thats a frightening concept. It'd land me on few hitlists. And im not sure id want to see the future anyway" you giggled humourlessly before shrinking into yourself gazeing up at his mask; something youd been avoiding for the past few mineuts. He took that as a good sign.

"It could be useful. You might have realised who i was sooner" you smiled at his small chuckle. It was strange, he really was the same person. You were surprised how familiar he was beginning to feel. It was nice, in a daunting way.

"That is true...Soo what happens now?" You pondered quietly still adrift in some anxiety, force induced calm state of mind that honestly felt like some odd dream.

"Now the work begins. I will train you and we will help one another acheive our goals" his reply was short and direct. You appreciated it, you didn want to be frettingnover what if's for the next few weeks. He was going to train you. Then use you. It was all you needed to know.

"I dont have any... well apart from hiding from everyone but that failed pretty badly if you think about it." your voice dipped lower, shame lingering around you s you admitted outloud you had no ambition past the goal of stying hidden away from the world.

"Do not let that deter you. You did very well, you weren't easy to find. You certainly made me work to uncover you. Something rarely achieved by anyone" he watched with satisfaction as his praise perked you up. A flicker of pride igniting inside of you from the words, a sense of achievement rippled from you. You were responsive to praise, rather than punishment. Good, he had no time to be constantly rebuilding trust after punishing you and if you grew to trust and dmire him as your mentor there was less chance of you turning on him in the future. He may even beable to change the tide of the sith, remove the rule of two and instead create a real empire, a real dynasty of the darkside. He could create something never seen before.

"And I am sure we will uncover some ambition inside of you. Today we will start by embracing your life force" his encourageing words seemed to be all you needed to nod and you followed as he began to lead you fom the room. Motioning for you to step up beside him intent on heading to his own personal meditation cha,bers, that had undergone a little renovating now holding a second seat a few steps down from his own that was souly intended for you.

You walked beside him silently, unsure where you were going but understood he wasnt going to kill you, so you just did as he asked. There was no reason to fight. And no chance in winning against him. Though the quiet resignation wasnt enough to quell your rampant thoughts. Mostly revolving your future and things to come, occasionally the emperor crossed your mind accompanied with a healthy dose of fear.

"I sensed a spike of fear in you. What is wrong?" You almost jumped out of your skin when the siths voice broke through the low white noise of the corridor. For a second you debated lying to him, telling him nothing was wrong but that wouldnt be a good idea? Besides he would find out eventually so whats the point in putting effort into a lie?

"Wont the emperor be angry if he finds out about me?" You didnt know if it was meant to be a statment or question.

"No. We are far enough away and i will make sure to smother your own force with mine. I told you, i will see to your saftey. You re my apprentice now. That grants you some privileges including my protection"

"Sounds better then dying" you hummed cheering up at his words. You actually felt comfort knowing this powerful sith was not only going to train you, but protect you. It was a weight off you mind. Not that youd ever take it for granted. Hell no, that would be a foolish thing to do.

"I do believe its the more preferable outcome?" You laughed outright at that finding his sarcasm comfortable. He stepped into an open elevator, you paused gor a second still a little on edge. He hadnt told you where you were off to, or what you'll be doing.

"Come we will have a short session tonight, and tomorrow i will test your combat" he anounced tryingnto remind himself the more you knew the less flighty you would be. It was odd explaining himself, he hadnt had to in to long. At that you stepped inside the tiny space with him.

"Save yourself the trouble i suck with gun" you huffed not even sugar coating it. You couldnt aim for shit and had been retrained as a technician because of it.

"And a lightsaber?" That caught you off gaurd, you hadnt even considered youd be trained in saber combat. Suddenly this wasnt sounding like the best idea, not with your clumsiness.

"I wouldnt know, ive never even seen one; holy shit!" You jumped back cursing as you headbutted the side of the elevator turning to run full speed into it trying escape as the small space lit up red in a nanosecond. Vader chuckled but didnt move the saber, opting to just hold it still so you could see it in all of its glory. You placed a hand over your head rubbing it before turning to look a the saber. It was scary, oddly beautiful but scary nonetheless.

"Do a girl a favour and warn me before you whip that thing out! I almost pissed myself" you complained, completely forgetting who you were talking to in you panic. Your eyes locked on the plasma blade in a mix of awe and terror. But awe quickly outweighed the fear as you understood he was merely showing you the saber, not about to use it on you.

"You are frightened of them? Ah ah carful" he asked only to tilt the blade from you as curiosity got the better of you and your hand inched closer to the sabers heat. You flinched back slightly, you could feel the heat radiating from it a good few inches from it.

"In my defence... i think its a rationl fear, they are kind of dangerous... and that one in particular, its known for slicing and diceing" you defended yourself with a little snippy quip, hand drifting to the saber again as if drawn to it like a moth. He could see your fascination was somthing he'd have to watch out for, or you might hurt yourself, though on the other handnit was good. You were interested.

"Tomorrow will be exciting for you. And very entertaining for me" he uttered disengaging the light saber before your curiosity left a more lasting impression.

"Wait Tomorrow? Why? Whats tomorrow?" You quized confused frowing up at him. But he only tipped his head to the side in response.

"You'll see" he uttered before turning forward once more as the dorrs opened. He strode down the hall not waiting for you as you rolled your eyes before chasing him, jogging to catch up to him again.

"Brilliant, my masters a sadist" he halted, jerking to a stop snapping his head down at you. An icey feeling washed over you and you suddenly felt very small. And very stupid.

"What? W-was that right? I didn't know what to call you, if its wrong im sorry i can;" he silenced you with a hand gesture.

"No, no it was correct. It has just been a long time since ive been called master. It may take some getting used to" he admitted quietly, sounding lost in thought. It was like your words had truly brought the circumstances to life. This was happening. Vader was claiming you as an apprentice, he'd train you and youd be the secret weapon to help him defeat his master and claim the throne that had been promised to him.

"Well if it helps ive neve been anyones apprentice before. So how about we give each other a settleing in period and ease ourselves in?" You uttered with a shrug unsure if you were meant to try and reassure him or not. He didnt seem the type to need it, but... it felt polite.

"Plus I err dont want to be punished or anything if i make silly mistakes" you added cheekily whilst subtly tryingnto convince him not go easy on you. He eyed you for a moment before turning walking away with a subtle shake of his head. You scampered behind him quickly not wanting to get lost this deep in the ship.

"Punishments accrued will always be met out, but youve shown little indication of needing such harsh tutelage. Im here to teach you, not break you" he uttered once you fell into step with him. He sent you a final side glance. He felt oddly satisfied by the way you were quietly accepting your new situation. He could almost let himself become fond of you, form an attachment to you. Only time will tell, for now he was content to focus on your training. He could ponder companionship another time.

#oh for fic sake fics #darth vader x reader #anakin x reader #darth vader imagine #star wars anakin #star wars darth vader #anakin imagine

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motherthroat · 9 months

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ok see now i'm gonna go down the list again n send u a novel bc quite frankly i'm relentless n want to know wht three emojis u wouldn’t give me + clown around Together 😇

🍪 - this is a given and my motivation behind handcuffing us together for all of eternity duhhh<3

💥 - this is visible to anyone with eyes but i do understand tht it may be nice to hear so yes mori ur layout is very pleasing 👍

🚬 - you Are cool, n perhaps intimidatingly so, but not to me bc you’ve been soft w me before n even tho you're taller.. in my heart, you're my height. or shorter :3

🍜 - see i can’t say this bc i feel like ur skills cannot be imitated bc wht infuses such flavor into ur work is the fact tht it comes from You n it has ur heart in it. so. i will leave all of tht to you n all of the fawning n rabid cheerleading to me 😌

🧠 - yes i learn that there are indeed intelligent life forms out there which is always reassuring and desperately needed in these dark times amen 🙏

suddenly blind and unable to read idk wht the next emoji is omg 404 blue screen of death currently buffering only to finally load…..

🍧 - yes. u are. n i remember sometimes going “omgggg am i special… seeing the soft underside… 🥹👉👈” heheheheheh but again this is jus a Given like. nods at u

🧢 - see idk if i have the proper qualifications to determine whether or not ur a Bro and i would hate to be misdiagnosing out here 😞

🫀 - ok so see the thing abt this one is tht i’m actually a goodie two shoes tht can’t fight n has nonexistent arm strength so this whole killing someone n digging a grave thing would have to perhaps fall to u like . it’s almost a cannibal au situation except we’re not eating them yk? 🫶 but i would offer emotional support ofc n a moist towelette to wipe the blood off. sooo ride or die as in that + i'm your chihuahua guard dog tht would bite anyone's ankle <3 (but this is also a given bc again: the handcuffs. would i cuff us if we weren't ride or dies? exactly.)

🗣 - the thing abt this one is i’d be happy tht ur out there thriving living ur life or i’d assume tht u were here but deleted ur posts before i woke up / logged in bc the alternative would also kill me immediately </3

the only time i’d ever send u a tomato is if i were gently placing one in ur hand bc we were in the kitchen cooking something delicious n u asked me to get u one :) peace n luv on planet earth

i made tht small text n it's still long as hell . rip

𝄢 hey 😎

🍪 ─ u're v fascinating n i mean that. even if u do smth incredibly weird that'll annoy me i'd still go hmm i can fix them. or not bc i'll most likely be knee-deep joining u on wtvr u're doing. u make my ti-dom...... ti-domming

💥 ─ the fact that i'm ur moot rn is prove bc ppl w horrid sense of aesthetic just existing piss me off

🫂 ─ a given. in fact, u can bring up the most outta nowhere, embarassing topic n i won't ever think fuck this lil weirdo asking me stupid shit. tho if it's trivial matters like a post reminding me of u, i prefer to interact publicly. for no rzn................

🚬 ─ no ♡ u are cool... the way i find will byers cool. unintimidatingly so. n the fact that i'm shorter in ur heart is actually sickening to read ngl. this is us denise, this is how we look side by side ↓ 1.) i can rest my chin on top of ur head 2.) if i'm any shorter then we'd both be chihuahua material which is wrong

🍜 ─ ur ability to befriend anyone quick n be generally likable instead of mr. oversuspicious who yells at anybody stepping on his lawn due to a few bad experiences x

❤️‍🔥 ─ do i need to say anyth. c'mon. c'mon. everytime i log in, i wonder what's denise gonna say today abt raggedy ass ppl n what cute stuff is denise gonna come up w. u helplessly dying on the floor due to ur lactose intolerance for the 5th time is Content. atp i'm an enjoyer of a whole denise* not just denise the st blog

🧠 ─ maybe. not necessarily learning new things but being reassured that smone hasn't forgotten the thing

─ ok? i was making a creamy red sauce rigatoni w flan as dessert n u gotta pay the kiss the cook toll to even get the flan i put on the upper shelf but ig smone is full. more for me 🙄

🍧 ─ another given. n here's the thing: i don't like it when ppl get 💗💞💓💕💖-coddly w me. s not inherently bad, just that a lot of em expect u to match energies/respond similarly which is. i don't do that. n i don't like how fragile sm mutualships can be over it. but i don't mind u barfing ur love all over my activity partly bc ik uk how i am n none of my painstaking push n pull will deter u + it's U. that's it

🧢 ─ pft no. never even crossed my mind. u hv ZERO bro energy

🫀─ i knew u have the arm strength of soggy fries so i alrd fully assigned myself to do the brute work yes. on a srs note, u're my Friend friend. now me making a distinction between a friend n a Friend friend seems terrible but the latter isn't just existing in the same space peacefully, no, i wanna get to a point where u n i fight over small things n make up 5 mins later. i want us to bonk e/o on the heads. i want sm henpecking going on when necessary. ik u can be relied on for that level of #trust

❤️‍🩹 ─ *n this is why i wanna meet u irl. i want this so bad it's actually embarassing

🗣 ─ yes but if u're enjoying life away from this lawless wasteland n its chronically online weirdos i can do nothing but let u be. get that fresh O². touch that grass

🍅 ─ why the hell would i give u this. why. not in a million yrs. unless... ☹ peace n luv on planet earth indeed. later i'm peeling chilled fruits n sharing it w u on the front porch as we watch the sun set alongside édith piaf's hymne à l'amour

#inbox #long post

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roo-bastmoon · 2 years

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I feel relaxed to see that you are not shipped them blindy and can also see the things which shows jk's two sided behaviour sometimes. Finally i can to talk someone who can think from both sides... postive and negative. He even sat on tae's lap at the concert..so he basically did things for both of the shippers y know. He talks about sugas that that and now hobis work too on seom chat but not a single time he mentions jimin ost...even if his vlive was full of comments for that and after that he doesn't remember where jimin got his 7 tattoo but he remember others. I don't know what to think about but the one is sure that jimin is still behaves the same with him like always...there is no big filter in jimin's behaviour tht shows u that jk and other members are same for him...but with jk..it's a little different case. And i don't like it sometimes.

Hey there, Nonie.

I promise to always look at all evidence, regardless of how it makes me feel. I’m not interested in deluding myself. There’s plenty of solid instances of Jikook over the years that we don’t need to make things up. But neither should we hold onto the past if the evidence is showing us something different now. So you can always talk to me about Jikook and I’ll give you my honest assessment.

I like to think what separates us from the cult is the ability to think critically and accept reality. And the reality is that something is a little off this year, compared to all the other years. We don’t know why, but a lot of us sense strained vibes.

During the most recent concerts and warm ups, JK kissed Hobi’s cheek, gave a long back hug to Yoongi, wrapped his arms around Joon’s waist in a long hug, played (carefully) with Jin, and also heavily flirted with Tae (twirling, shoe shine moment, lap sit). The first two days were painfully awkward between Jikook (to me). The third day was getting better. The last night—the night they filmed—he was all over Jimin and they did the bridal carry.

I’m not saying it was all for the cameras because I don’t think they are liars or fakes, but if they knew it was the last concert for several years, the maknae line probably wanted to give all their fans various “ship” moments. So I take what happens during a performance with a grain of salt. Not a huge indication of their real life relationship.

More telling is the way Jimin stayed behind while JK worked on the seom game design, or how happy JK was during the Vegas Vlive to say Jimin will be his boxing partner, or the way JK tapped Hobi’s shoulder and silently put him on the floor so he could sit on the couch next to Jimin, plus they stayed so close together while playing games in the arcade in DC. They still chose to orbit each other in free time…

As for talking about Jimin’s OST—keep in mind it was a YamYam production, not a Hybe one like Yoongi’s or Hobi’s. Not sure what the rules are around promotion of outside efforts. No one spoke of it; Tae played it and he knew the melody and lyrics by heart. But no one mentioned “Good job, Jimin! We support you!” And since that would take literal seconds on social media to do, I have to conclude not mentioning it was a conscious decision.

But what’s baffling is that Jimin never once mentioned or promoted With You—except to answer a question in his Weverse article explaining his friend wanted to do something like that with him for years. It has been two months and both Jimin and Sungwoon and everyone around them act like that song never happened. It’s first day was cut short, it wasn’t listed in the proper genre category, it didn’t have an official Spotify artist page or playlisting, it didn’t get much radio play… I have zero clue why. Very off.

It did shake me that JK said he didn’t know Jimin’s solo songs or 7 tattoo placement. Some fans insist he was teasing/deflecting but I hesitate to make assumptions just because I find them more comforting than simply holding the fact in my mind, waiting for more clarification. Taken at his word, JK doesn’t know THE most intimate details of Jimin’s life right now, so that implies distance—physical and emotional.

There seem to be murmurs on K forums that since festa dinner, Jikook have been out to dinner and affectionate with each other, but no proof makes it hearsay. I don’t speak Korean so I’m getting those rumors third-hand.

I think given nine years of intimacy plus an INSANE first half of 2022, I have to withhold judgment about Jikook right now. I’m leaning towards they are fine and still in love but it’s been a crazy few months and they are being quieter while enlistment and solo era firms up. That’s my take thus far!

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maoam · 3 years

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i think the "kishimoto accidently made them gay" thing has become more prevalent bc sasusakus push those interviews of kishimoto saying tht sns was based off his relationship with his brother and interviews of VAs of sasuke and sakura saying that kishimoto told them that SS is going to be endgame when they had just started recording for the anime , to "prove" that kishimoto never intended for sns to come off s romantic

I disagree because shonen shippers in general say shonen is accidentally gay lol.

No one still has provided any actual sources for either of those interviews and since there are many fake ones I'll doubt them. There's literally a fake interview that says Kishi originally meant to put Sasuke with Karin that people still pass as legit. Also, let's not pretend these seiyuus aren't supposed to promote the canon pairings as well. Literally, they keep saying how the manga isn't about romance yet everyone kept talking about PAIRINGS even 3 years since the manga ended and assuring everyone how everything was "totally" planned. If it's planned it wouldn't need to be justified by SJ all the time. Did you see Toriyama or Togashi have multiple interviews how they totally planned their main character to end up with someone? Or any other shonen mangaka?

Anyway let's look at how "consistent" Kishimoto is with being honest in his interviews:

This interview is from 2014. He says Sakura was brought in as heroine.

This interview is from 2017. So suddenly Sakura went from heroine to not anymore special than someone like Kiba lmao.

So this is what he said at the end of 2014. Apparently he was considering NaruSaku. Also he says "we" ? So I guess the staff has an opinion on the endgame as well. So much for SS being planned since the start.

2017. "Never thought"? When you said three years ago you and the staff considered it.

So here in 2015 you say it was decided around in the middle. But then in 2017, it was suddenly the early stages.

From 2015 (same interview where he said NH was decided from the middle). If Kishi can lie to his own wife, what stops him from lying in general? To be honest he's probably laughing in his pile of cash at everyone fuming and fighting over his interviews. If even his main character's endgame wasn't decided what makes people think SS was. Also it wouldn't change the fact he didn't put it on paper, it's actually worse if he had 15 years of time to develop it and he did nothing.

The above interview was in 2006. Where does his brother fit exactly? Or his wife? This was also written before Kushina appeared, whom Kishi said was "kind of like his wife, scary". The second interview is from early 2014. So Naruto is Kishi himself and his wife is Naruto's... mother? Why don't people freak out about this? Regardless, Kishi can write brother relationships that are clearly just brotherly, like Hashirama/Tobirama, Sai/Shin, Itachi/Sasuke. Naruto and Sasuke's relationship isn't like them. It's romantic, which is why so many people, even people who don't ship, even straight men, point out how gay they are.

Also Kishi straight up sexualizes Sasuke and also wanted to draw them kissing because "no one had done it before"? Why would anyone sexualize or want to draw their self insert kiss someone that's supposedly their brother. Hello? And let's not forget how he watches the anime and sees all those opening and endings and doesn't feel like saying "umm that's me and my sibling, please don't do that". Or the OVA where Naruto's crotch lands on Sasuke's face? If you guys seriously think he is too stupid to figure out how all this looks then I don't know what to say really.

Anyway I trust my ability to tell what's brotherly and what's romantic. 💁🏻

#anon

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honkhonkrichard · 3 years

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Theory: Stanley Uris was Murdered.

Tagging @vvanini I hope you can follow this okay it’s very word vomity lol

Okay So TW because this post will touch on Stan's death ad the methods behind it

I propose that Stan Uris was murdered. by IT. In his home on that fateful night. I think that Stan posed the biggest threat to IT and therefore IT felt the need to take him out before the battle even started.

Allow me to explain.

Okay, so, I need to lay out some basic "rules" or "facts" before I make my case. They are as follows.

- IT planted it's roots in Derry, and finds it difficult to leave, but still can at it’s own wil. If you read the book (I honestly don't blame you if you haven't) You'd know that once the Losers kill IT for the final time, Derry (the Physical town) is obliterated. Buildings explode, sinkholes appear, things are flooded. The town is in ruins by the time that the Losers leave the sewers. The movies don't adapt this so If this is news to you thats fine. the bottom line is that destroying IT destroys Derry, like ripping a tree out of the ground with all it's roots. Because of this, we can make the claim that while it can Leave Derry (as it does every 27 years) it probably takes tremandous amount of power to do so, which is why IT only goes when the cycle is over. Why does this matter? Well, what if IT left Derry to get to Stan? The murders had stopped for about a week when they're all in the Jade of the Orient. Plenty of time for IT to cross from Maine to Georgia. Side Note: We KNOW IT leaevs Maine to elsewhere in the world because of King's extended universe all interconnecting. it's not far off at all to make the claim that IT is the same evil that haunts, say The Shining's Overlook Hotel, which is in Colarado.

- IT is omnipresent This is also a given, IT lives everywhere, and can fuck with time and space in godlike (or maybe eldritch like) ways. in IT: Chapter Two, when Mike claims "IT Doesn't know I know what I know" he's unfortunately wrong, because we know that IT can be in A) Multiple places at once, B) can manipulate anything on the drop of a hat (See: Stan being teleported away from everyone else in Chapter One, Everything about Neibolt, etc) and C) Knows everyone's deep fears. This is further proven by IT Saying things like "Beep Beep Richie" (although this is Horribly Horribly executed in the films, ugh.) and so on and so forth. On top of all of this, We can make the claim that IT can exist outside of Time as well, given that IT is immortal. SO, what's stopping IT from Knowing Mike was going to call them all back (Espically considering that IT TOLD Mike to do this?). Even if we keep IT's omnipresence to the location that IT inhabits (in this case Derry) IT would still have knowledge of where the losers are through Mike. And if you take the Lucky Seven/Chosen Seven route (oh my god I got theories on that too) you could argue IT knows where they are inherently due to their cosmic status.

- Stan is the "most Powerful" loser So, obviously all the Loser's are powerful, espically considering they're the ones who Defeat IT (Again going on to the Lucky/Chosen Seven theory). This next claim is going to be less focused on what the 2019/2017 Movies do because they are Bad Movies and that's a whole other rant. However, in the book, Stan is (to my knowledge feel free to correct me on any of this) the only loser to Actively ward off and 'defeat' IT on his own without running away. He uses his belief in this what is Real (birds) to ward off what is "not real" (IT). The other losers do manage to take down IT in their own Right, but Stan is ultimately the one to Really get IT. This is because Stan's character revolves around Belief and Willpower. These are, in some form or another, the ways to Defeat IT. the ritual of Chud is a battle of Wills. in the book, Bill takes IT down and Eddie does the final blow. In the Remake (ugh) the losers can defeat it Technically using the belief that IT isn't as powerful as it claims because IT's "just a clown" (Ihatethatfuckingendingsomuchugh). Stan being much more skeptical than the rest of the group in his ability to understand Reality vs IT's illusions is a powermove, and IT knows that ability doesn't go away as Stan grows up, but rather he gets more powerful. Stan is the Only loser out of the 6 who left that has any sort of knowledge about IT, where the other losers have nothing. Bev has nightmares, yes, but she still forgets them. We're told in his chapter (Chapter 3, Six Phone Calls (1985), Part One: Stanley Uris Takes a Bath) that he has some hazy knowledge of his place in the Lucky Seven, and even goes so far as to MENTION it sometimes, even if he doesn't quite remember or understand any of it, his knowledge of IT and Derry is worlds more prominent than that of the rest of the losers.

(page 52 of IT: "Stanley, nothing's wrong with your life!" "I don't mean from inside." he said. "From inside is fine. I'm talking about outside. Something that should be over and isn't. I wake up frmo these dreams and think, 'My whole pleasent life has been nothing but the eye of some storm I don't understand.' I'm afraid. But then it just... fades. The way dreams do." OR page 45: He had been smiling a little. Now the smile faltered, and for a moment he seemed puzzled. His eyes had darkened, as if he looked inward, consulting some interior device which ticked and whirred correctly but which, ultimately he understood no more than the average man understands the workings of the watch on his wrist. "The turtle couldn't help us," he said suddenly. he said that quite clearly.)

So, Stan has some cosmic knowledge of IT and Maturin and his role in the battle against It. What does any of this have to do with his death? Well, let me point out some other things about Stan's death that always stuck out to me. - His death chapter is narrated by his wife, Patty, rather than himself. The other chapters - almost all the other chapters - are narrated by their respective Loser (the caviot for this is Ben, but Ben is also wasted out of his damn mind so its understandable.) - Stan's personality is few and far between in the book, but we know he has a weird little sense of humour and that he's incredibly logical. I think that this logical part of him would be able to understand that Suicide is Never Ever the answer, and that it would cause FAR more problems than it would solve. (the 2019 movie tries to reexplain his death and it's crap and i hate the letters i hate the letters so much im gonna explode) The other losers try to rationalize his death by saying "He would rather Die Clean than Live Dirty (Page 506, Chapter 10, The Reunion, part 3, 'Ben Hanscom Gets Skinny') but he had already BEEN Dirty when he defeated IT the first time, and I think he would've recognized that. - upon finding him, Patty (in her narration) notes that Stan's head is bent back over the edge of the bathtub, so from his sight she would have been upside down. If Stan DID kill himself, why would he be positioned like that? It's unnatural, like someone Posed him. - the cuts on his arms are two length wise cuts. I'm no expert but.. that's suspicious. That's weird. - IT is written in blood on the wall. Why? Why would Stan right THAT of all things? You know who DOES like to paint with blood? IT.

Alright, returning to my thesis statement, Stanley Uris was murdered. Do I think Stan genuinely was going to take a bath at 7pm (which we're told is weird for him)? Yes. I think that's absolutely a thing he could have done or planned to do. Do I think he slit his wrists and commited suicide so he wouldn't go back to Derry? No. Not even remotely.

Let me paint a New Picture.

It's May 28th, 2016, or 1985. Stanley Uris gets a call from Mike Hanlon. Stan is incredibly hesitant to go to, and says he needs time to think about it. Or tht he'll try. He can feel the starts of a Panic attack, and as he's remembering the circles of Hell he went through as a child, he tries to hold himself together. He doesn't want his darling wife to see his break, so he says "I think I'll take a bath" and nothing else before going upstairs. he hides in the bathroom. He closes and locks the door, because, well, he's panicking. Locking doors is one of The Small things he does. Is it usually the bathroom door? no, but still (OCD is a bitch, and even with medication, but this is a special case). He looks in the mirror and tries to breathe. This is fine. He can do this. They killed IT once before and they can do it again. He thinks about his younger self, the promises made, and how he could explain all of this Patty in time to catch a flight to Maine. It's terrifying, but if his friends are going to bite the dust, he wants to be there with them, wedding vows be Damned. Then he looks at his reflection again. A younger, rotted version of himself stares back at him. IT crawls through the mirror. Stan freaks out, obviously. This isn't real. This Can't be real. But IT utilizes this notion against him. It digs it's claws into his arms, and forces him to bleed out in the bathtub. IT then sets the scene nicely. Razorblades on the counter, a bloody signature on the wall, a horrible posture of Stan's neck. So on and So forth. and then IT returns to Derry. IT's a little weak, yeah, but Stan is dead. That's what matters. the Lucky Seven has now Officially broken, and the balance shifts in favour of the clown.

So that's the theory. feel free to correct me on anything or engage I have plenty of theories on this story and I like discussing this stuff :).

#anyways #Stan #stanley uris #Stan uris #mine #Murder Theory #honktheory #thats a tag now I gues ??#pw #analysis #meta

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http-tokki · 2 years

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Hey Sophie! Bakugo x Angel quirk girlfriend here!

Thank you so much for attending my request🤍🤍 I really really liked it! And I also really like the way you write🙌🏻✨✨✨

I would love one where being childhood besties, she’s the only one that can calm him down in any situation, whether he is mad at someone or he’s being anxious or having a panic attack🤍 Also, on the quirk: wings? Absolutely yes! Also a halo that depending on her mood it can be pretty bright or almost transparent, and she has the ability to heal and use light based attacks✨ But it’s always up to you! Keep up the great work Sophie! Thank you again🥰

omg yes of course !! i love that idea !!! ill get on it right away !!

thank you so much for the help with the quirk! i even asked my friend for help hahahaha but now i know exactly what the quirk entails i can give you exactly what you requested!! (i might be a bit slow with it i’ve got working coming up in tht next few days but as soon as i finish it i’ll post it so keep a look out! )

thank you so much for the support and the fact you like my writing enough you want to ask for a request. you have no idea how much it means to me !! thank you for supporting me and this lil blog!! 💕💕💕💕

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thegoodomensdumpster · 4 years

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Can't stop thinking about your Crawleigh drawing, its so compelling. I feel sad for him getting rained on all alone...has he been on earth alone all this time? Will you draw him again? Is there a way to learn more about his story?

OOOOOH you have no idea how delighted I am that I received this ask ! You just enabled me to drop all my Crawleigh feelings out in the open. Thank you so much for that. First of all, for those who might have missed it: here the fanart @yeoldehetalian is referring to (yes I’m showing it again because I love Crawleigh he’s so baby)

If you are not aware: Crawleigh was the proto version of both Crowley and Aziraphale in Gaiman’s first draft of what was going to become Good Omens, a little piece of writing called William The Antichrist. After he sent it to Pratchett, the latest made the excellent suggestion to split Crawleigh into the two characters we’ve come to know and love. From memory, here is what we learn about Crawleigh in William The Antichrist: -is baby -not very good at being a demon -waited for the plumber a whole day -didn’t do any evil deeds because he was waiting for the plumber to arrive -the plumber never came and Crawleigh was really put out so he said nothing -saves all the neighbourhood cats from trees they get stuck in -can’t be mean to humans because well they are nice to him so ??? -has been tortured in Hell after the whole Atlantis debacle (which implies that he was the reason Atlantis sunk I guess) -drives a Citroën 2CV -doesn’t seem to really have any magical ability ? Uh maybe there’s something else but I don’t remember. But you get the idea. He’s baby. In the picture below (yay ! new Crawleigh fanart !) you can see Crawleigh and his entourage of cats. I was conflicted on whether the rescued cats would take a liking to him or if they would be scared of his demonic aura, but I couldn’t bring myself to draw the Bad Cat Ending so, there, new headcanon: all the animals Crawleigh rescues take an immediate liking to him and their presence become an every day life nuisance. Kindness contains the seed of its own destruction lmao)

The boy is gonna trip on the stripped cat, I can tell you that much. ANYWAYYYY.... Here comes the fun part where I dump all my Crawleigh thoughts. More below the cut!

So, considering how GO works with binomes and mirrors, I decided to back engineer WTA by removing the duos. Crawleigh is a mix of Crowley and Aziraphale; there are two other characters that are respectively a mix of Anathema and Newt and a mix of Tracy and Shadwell (not entirely sure what that would entail tbh; so far I’m imagining two female characters, and Anewthema is the most fleshed out. She’d be something like the descendant of both a witch and a witchfinder and would be very conflicted about her heritage, having troubles making sense of magic being a thing when she has raised rationnality to a degree that it has become a dogma. Or something like that. Anyway I think that’s a cool base.) Now about William himself, the Them and the mirrors. I thought, by removing the duos and therefore the mirrors, Crawleigh would end up trying to stop Armageddon all by himself. This means that one of the core themes of GO, the fact that people have to work together and every contribution, as little as it is, is never unsignificant, isn’t really applicable anymore. Because the theme has to be shared by all the protagonists. In GO, Adam can refuse to destroy the world because not only does he like the world, but also because he’s got a whole network of support. So I think, if Crawleigh ends up having to try stopping Armageddon on his own, that should be the link at the very least between him and William (I would have said between him and all the other main characters but let’s be honest: a story where none of the main characters interact together is not very appealing). And thus we get a story that isn’t about relying on support of other people but on doing the right thing and gaining self confidence and loving yourself even when all the odds are stacked against you and you don’t have anyone to really rely on. I would imagine Crawleigh beginning the story as an obedient (tho ultimately useless) demon with little backbone and regrets and no self confidence, and through the pressure of Armageddon, discovering a very strong and very good part of himself that would end up with him saying fuck to Hell and repairing his plumbery all by himself. As for William, well, he would go along the same way. I don’t think he’d have the Them with him. At least not yet. Maybe he’s a little weird, has trouble making friends. Maybe the other kids at school make fun of him. Maybe there is this group of kids that seem cool but he’s too shy to approach them. And I imagine after a pep talk from someone ( Anewthema probably ? After all Anathema is the one talking to Adam in GO so it’d be fitting ) William would realize that because his life sucks a little it’s not by destroying the world - a world that he actually loves ! he’s built up a fort in Hogback woods all by himself! he loves nature and animals! - tht it’s gonna get better. He won’t be able to make any friends if there is no one around to make friends with. (This adds the non neglectable bonus of making the Horsemen “friendship” offer all the more tempting to a young boy who has never really had any friends and is aching for it). So ultimately, Crawleigh and William would be like “yes, I am weird. Yes, I am alone. Yes, it makes me suffer. No, I’m not gonna be a bastard because of it. Maybe it’ll get better, maybe it won’t, but I’m gonna do my darn best to take care of myself even if nobody else will”. So, it’s less cotton candy than GO, but I think it’s a great message to pass along. Self love, self discovery, self confidence, staying true to yourself even in dark times. Also the fact that being alone / single is not necessarily a bad thing, can be a choice and something you can live with very well. Crawleigh and / or another one of the main characters would end up like “I am actually fine like this”. And... that’s pretty much it. There, you’ve got all my thoughts and reasonning about, basically, how I would have decided to write the whole William The Antichrist novel lmao. I’m not gonna write it though. But if anyone feels inspired and want to give it a go based on my ideas, by all means. Feel free to borrow or to contact me if you want to brainstorm more ideas / make a collaboration. Why not. I’ve got too many Crawleigh feels.

#good omens #i mean not exactly but uh yeah #william the antichrist #my stuff #long post #crawleigh #lol this post began with a silly cat fanart and now look where we are #yeoldehetalian #ask

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olliepurples · 4 years

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ok ok ok so gamer time let's talk about the weird teeth stuff in smile for me

my big brain take is that teeth represent self-expression, and the lily represents things habit is ashamed of (including his sexuality).

habit's idea that one big smile would make the whole world happy links smiling to other people's happiness. thus: "it isn't fair tht sad peopl (like mum+dad) get to have full smiles and never even use them" can be interpreted as "it isn't fair that people who never make others happy are able to express themselves so freely".

this would also be why he both takes away other people's toothbrushes, then degrades them for having unclean teeth; he takes the toothbrushes so he can keep his smile which he is sure will make others happy, then degrades those with unclean teeth because he feels like they're not being honest and true with him. habit's desire to have more teeth is not only to make other people happy, but also to be able to express himself fully.

which brings me onto the lily. the lily needs water, clean teeth and kisses. the water is something lilies physically need to grow, while the other two are wildly metaphorical. the water represents the physical conditions someone needs to flourish (food, water, shelter ect.) the clean teeth are representative of the lily bringing habit happiness. the kisses are more kinda in depth.

if we work under the assumption that habit is mlm, then the meaning of the kisses are more clear. he gives kisses to the lily to "make him grow" (note the use of he/him pronouns for the lily). he then describes his dad's reaction to this as "furious" and says "my flower got hurt and so did my smile". this echoes the hatred from parents that a lot of lgbt kids experience, which cause us to repress ourselves. habit grows the lily by keeping it physically alive, keeping it joyful and smiling, and giving it affection. if we take the lily to represent habit's confidence in his own sexuality, then "hurt[ing]" it would mean wilting habit's confidence and ability to express himself: thus hurting his smile.

the fact that habit's dad only became vitriolic after he saw habit kissing the lily is representative of what a lot of lgbt people go through; parents will often brush off signs as "just a phase" before lashing out when they finally have confirmation (this is where the "lily is referred to using he/him" thing is important).

habit being bullied for having missing teeth is thus habit being bullied for being quiet, or timid or unconfident.

when habit's dentistry cause people to "just scream and runsies away!!!!!!!!" he is degrading people for having too many or not enough teeth for how they smile (or, in other words, how they impact others).

his proclamation "I WILL NOT BE A DENTIST. PEREOD." shows how much he has given up on trying to talk to people about how they impact the world, because he feels he is trying his best and no-one will listen to him. this is why he starts up the habitat and tries to stop you from getting everyone to smile, he thinks he is the only one who can fix people, as trying to talk to people about it led to him talking past them and being completely misunderstood due to the insane metaphor he's built up around himself.

anyway this is a real long post to say habit big gay. see you next week, folks.

#smile for me #sfm #sfm meta #smile for me meta #dr boris habit #boris habit #dr habit #lily #symbolism #teeth #anyway big relate i love you habit darling #cant believe i spent so long writing this #i just saw a lot of metaphor that i related to in what habit said #also #long post #long reads #longpost #s4m

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smalltragedycuckhold · 3 years

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* ryan destiny, cis woman + she/her | you know kira blake, right? they’re twenty four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ever? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to babooshka by kate bush like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole lazily stretched out in a ray of light, daisy shaped irises and daisy chain braids, performing an intricate dance to move the ocean's waves thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 22, est, they/them )

hllo ive hd kira in my head fr a bit bt i also know ntohing abt her! this is me winging it even though i hv no right to <3 this is my third character maybe whose birthday is in honor of ella n coincidentally 2/3 of them r in this rp. yea im messy smirks sexily.

DEATH, GRIEF, DRUGS TW

mini playlist.

wuthering heights ;; kate bush / babooskha ;; kate bush / dreams ;; fleetwood mac / california dreamin’ ;; the mamas & the papas / lavender moon ;; haroula rose / time of the season ;; the zombies / after the storm ;; kali uchis / left hand free ;; alt-j / always forever ;; cults / wait a minute! ;; willow / your dog ;; soccer mommy.

statistics.

full name: kira blake

nickname(s): keely.

birthday: october 31st, 1996.

zodiac: scorpio sun, cancer moon, aquarius ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & catalyst / sanguine.

label: the ebullient.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

born to two original hippies which hs pretty much set up who kira is fr the rest of her life <3 the type of ppl who didnt like the boundaries of marriage n held off frm it fr as long as possible until theyd hd a spur of the moment elopement involving a celebrity impersonator at fannie’s <3 yea theyre lesbians lets go <3

nvr rly took things srsly until kira ws like 5 yrs old n then they were like ah gee ah fuck we probably shld probably settle settle. n they job hopped n worked many odd jobs until they found their footing in careers they liked n one of them probably does like. blown glass art. n the other prob fixes old computers n other ~vintage~ mementos of the past fr ppl.

they make a decent living n they live in delpinius heights n they try a few times fr another kid bt it nvr rly works out (raises an eyebrow. adopted siblings anyone?) n fr the most part kira as a child spends her time running around town and tugging on the hem of other’s shirts to ask them small favors (mostly to play a game with her)

often left unsupervised as a kid, bt not in the way tht her parents dnt care (bc her parents love her a lot a lot a lot like she is their world) bt in the way tht they simply raised her the way they were raised. running amuck all day n coming home jst in time fr dinner, front porch light always on, cat always waiting faithfully on their stoop.

pretty evident frm a young age tht kira’s mind saw things differently, in a different light - the world an array of light n mystery n sound n taste n sometimes those collided n created new experiences. prob hs some form of synsthesia bt dnt ask me which one yet. she’s a painting prodigy with an excellent understanding of color theory.

always ws known as a kind of like. rambunctious kid. a well meaning class clown who cld nt keep her mouth shut fr the life of her. grew up constantly with a yellow card beneath her name in school bt ws always well liked by her teachers n classmates alike.

jst a very bright child who did well naturally bt always ws turned more towards art.

feel like her parents very noticeably turned a cheek when she started smoking weed w the cool older kids when she ws 13. the type of person who wnts 2 b liked so bad she’d jump over a hurdle fr it. hs jumped over many hurdles n many fences n many other obstacles to be liked bt does it without breaking a sweat.

(edit: nw tht i think abt it hwevr i dnt think she does tht anymore i think while a bit of a mess atm she. likes herself. n doesnt rly want or need the approval of others anymore she jst does her own little thing. bt when she ws younger? she jst wnted 2 b friends w the entire world.)

nothing bad rly happened fr like. a good bit of her life. got into psychedelics at some point in high school n tht only heightened her artistic abilities. most of her high school art portfolio ws probably done while high bt <3 does it matter.

hd a high school sweetheart n they were pretty serious like. full on in love. a total believer of soulmates kira ws jst like. this is the one. there is nobody else i cn imagine my life with.

death tw

death tw.

death n grief tw // yea. sometime during their freshmen year of college. car incident. kira ws nvr the same though she’d like to pretend tht nothing’d ever happened. like theyd nvr existed. like she didnt plan out their entire lives together hiking thru hills n valleys n boating across various bodies of water n traveling together until they were old n wrinkly. end of death tw //

cld nt explain 2 u why kira hd bought a van n completely demolished it only to drain all of her savings remodeling it bt nw she lives in it by the beach. hd dreams of travelling the world bt cannot go long distances in a car without feeling sick. sees planes n feels envy. stopped painting fr a long time bt she’s started back up recently. took on surfing. told her parents tht it ws fine n tht she ws fine n theyre concerned bt shes always by the beach, her van rarely leaves. she’s trying her best bt its only been a few yrs n i think ppl cn sense tht shes jst nt the same cheerful girl as they once knew. end of grief tw //

anyways. tugs on my collar. tht’s kira! she lives on the beach n surfs everyday n is obsessed with daisies n is prob growing her own shrooms somewhere.

personality & facts.

always been very emotional n a little dramatic. nt a drama queen bt is a little messy n does not hv like. many rational thoughts up in there. very cup full or cup empty.

regardless though she hs an. overall reputation fr jst being. enjoyable to be around. her her little moments bt shes also pretty like. laidback. in a way. KDSHFSDLKHGHFLKSD

prob bc she smokes a lot or is often <3 on a trip if u know wht i mean <3

god. got obsessed with the 60s n 70s aesthetic at some point n hs not gone back evr. big fan of psychedelic rock. is a prodigy painter bt her life dream outside of traveling ws always to own her own record label. hs nt happened yet, maybe will never happen? works at a record shop though n does hide the good vinyls tht she wants away frm the customers.

very cheerful n usually uplifting n she doesnt like to b negative around others bt smtms she cnt control it n smtms thinks tht ppl r out 2 get her jst out of. anxiety. hs long bouts where she’ll sit in a still sort of sadness n then shake out of it n hop back into conversation like nothing’s happened bt. its fine we’re fine kira is fine.

shes not gullible or naive bt wants to believe tht everybody hs a heart of gold even if its false. keeps giving ppl second chances bc she hs a savior complex n thinks she cn change ppl.

is very into zodiac n will judge u by ur chart. knows everybody in town’s natal chart. even newcomers. it’s a little scary hw quick she finds this information bt its very important to her.

kind of like. into spirituality bt i wont lie its very surface level n a little superficial. learning tarot cards bt cannot fr the life of her memorize the meanings so smtms she jst makes up things on the spot. hs so many crystals she will not stop buying them.

i think a part of her is desperately trying to cling onto tht like. think positive. self care. msg thts super prevalent online without addressing or actually helping any of her problems. it is her flaw </3

hates to admit when she needs help. wld rather do everything herself.

head is a little in the clouds n her parents r a little concerned fr her bc shes nt rly doing much rn bt like. she jst needs time i think. shes jst doing her little thing.

does not give up on ppl easily she absolutely hates dropping ppl frm her life even if she grows 2 resent them over time which is bad bc she is bad at hiding when she is upset at someone or when she doesnt like someone.

like shes jst passive aggressive abt it n does not properly communicate <3

bt this is rare i think ... negative feelings abt other ppl

self centered bt not selfish if tht makes sense. she will do things fr others without a problem n sometimes trips over herself 2 do it bt at the end of the day i think she cares abt herself the most.

hs only been in love once bt hs hd many infatuations n many like. admirations n very surface level feelings. her body is a temple n she loves 2 b worshipped.

prob does fkn. beach yoga. probably vegan bt also maybe breaks tht every once in a while. almost noncommittal its hard 2 distinguish between her being carefree, not taking care of herself, or jst hving commitment issues? flaky or not? who knows.

feels jst a bit too strongly bt tries to contain it. jst full of multitudes or smth. idk. icon <3

like. cares bt doesnt care. does thinks tht r purposely self destructive n then acts like shes like. cool girl monologue frm gone girl. bt does it while being like peace n luv on earth x

ok thts all i hv goodbye

wanted plots.

a pseudonym 2 fool ‘em... ;; jst hd this idea pop up bt i like the idea of kira going undercover 2 expose cheaters. whether she does this on her own accord or is personally requested by smbdy is up in the air. a plottable point. she h8s cheaters n is chaotic good she prob thinks shes the relationship vigilante testing the strengths of other’s relationships. once again she cld b. specifically going undercover fr smbdy 2 help them out. im sure she wldnt go 2 very. extensive srs measures like actually. sleeping w the assumed-cheaters bt once again. world is our oyster n i lov drama?

crystal visions ... ;; once again. shes super into crystals n astrology n she will base sm of her opinions of others on it. this is nt just abt her being judgmental of others bt also jst. catching her running around in the rain trying sooo hard 2 fkn. charge her crystals in the rainwater bc she forgot 2 charge them under the full moon the night b4. this is her giving wrong tarot readings. she hs no idea wht shes doing at any given time bt acts like she does know. acts like she knows the entire world. she gives crystals as gifts n will do ur natal chart for u bt will also pack her things n leave if ur a capricorn.

time of the season... ;; i dnt knw admittedly. this song’s abt being horny so perhaps? perhaps. kira isnt rly able to keep a grasp on long term relationships rn due to. factors in her life so she hops frm person 2 person often. smtms jst flings smtms its jst a relationship accidentally led on. shes noncommittal n a little flaky atm when she’s usually ride or die fr others. perhaps this is all in the name of some good fun! world? oyster.

literally anything .dsfskhdkgs ;; god. shes so new i jst dnt know. childhood friends. current friends. friends shes hd frever. enemies n ex lovers n ppl shes constantly pushing away or scorned lovers or both or anything?? she pushed them out of the roller rink to make more room fr herself or maybe they did tht to her. perhaps theyre both constantly pursuing some sort of fkn. meaning in their lives tht they cnt quite grasp. mayb they go on an acid trip together. who knows.

#irvingintro #death tw #grief tw #car accident mention tw #drugs tw #specifically weed n psychedelics i think

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angeltrapz · 3 years

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m sorry ur havin a rough night, but i come bearing Chainshipping asks 💙💙 I wld love to hear ur thoughts on Adam teaching Diana photography, n how Lawrence feels seein her bond w Adam! + also favorite lil things they do to surprise each other, when they know th other is havin a rough day but not admitting it, or just bc they thought th other wld like it— lil stuff to make each other smile. + bonus, as far as the polycule goes bc we’ve both kinda touched on tht it takes a lil while to warm up to th idea, how do u think tht conversation goes between Adam + Lawrence, n who is th first other member where Lawrence is like “oh hey, I love them too”

thank u,,, I appreciate it sm <33 I always love getting asks frm u!!

Adam + Diana bonding over photography:

ohhh my gosh that would be adorable!!! I feel like it takes a little while for Lawrence to feel comfortable with having Adam and Diana interact - not bc he doesn't trust Adam or think he'd be a bad influence, but just bc he wanted to be sure things were going to work out between them; he didn't want to put Diana through that, have her get attached to someone who might end up not sticking around (again, not bc he thought he and Adam would split! he just wanted to make sure they were established for a while is all). but the moment he does? ohhhh these two melt his heart on the regular.

I kind of have this belief that Adam is good with kids, but not even he knows why? he has a heart fr kids, he can't help it, but he certainly didn't see himself becoming involved w someone who already had children,, that being said he loves Diana, and she loves him just as much!! it's kind of similar to the Daniel situation but leaning more toward the parental side of things; she just thinks he's about the coolest adult she knows and it's very evident. so they get along really well and god does it make Lawrence happy - honestly, it only serves to make him fall harder. Adam lets Diana paint his nails and will paint hers, he builds pillow forts for them to hide in, he'll read to her before bed, things like that; it's honestly not a surprise that she's interested in his photography!

the very first time she asks him about it, it starts with her being like "this is really cool!! how did you get so good at doing that??" and Adam's just sort of like. You Think That's Cool?? and that's kind of when he starts to become aware of how highly Diana thinks of him,, he needs a whole moment later where he just hides his face in Lawrence's chest and breathes through it bc Holy Shit. this is also where it kinda starts to set in for him that like, this is his family. (the next time he has a moment like that is when she calls him dad for the first time, but that's later down the line!)

hdkjsaf anyway. I feel like he wld be really excited to share this with Diana!! knowing that she's genuinely interested in it helps a lot and the fact that she's such a visual/hands-on learner like himself also helps things along!! I really like the idea that he gets her one of those disposable cameras to kind of give her a chance to explore it herself, so like the three of them will be at the park, Adam and Lawrence sat on one of the benches (when Adam isn't chasing her around the playground), while Diana runs around (within their line of sight, of course) and takes pictures of everything she finds interesting + worth capturing and Lawrence just sort of sighs and says "she's having so much fun. I love you." and Adam's just. "I love you too,,, 🥺🥺" it's so overwhelmingly domestic that Adam just needs a second to sit w it,,

Diana's also a quick learner so it's really cool when they compare her pictures to ones she takes later on!! it's definitely something that serves to strengthen their bond and kind of the catalyst for Adam to realize Hey, Diana Loves Me Too (ESP bc I feel like Adam would be super nervous around her at first, due to being Lawrence's new partner/not Alison, so her approval actually does mean a lot to him,, I gotta be honest I think abt chainshipping + Diana family dynamics all the time)!!

for Lawrence it's just like. Diana's approval ALSO means the world to him. he Loves seeing his partner and his daughter getting along so well; Lawrence didn't ever really envision himself being divorced prior to their game (even if he and Alison had discussed it/at least a separation of sorts), so he's kind of unsure about navigating dating after something like that, especially where Diana is concerned, so to have her love Adam just as much as he does is so so important. he definitely tears up over it sometimes, he can't help it. these are his two favourite people.

little things they do fr each other:

for surprises I think they're relatively lowkey just bc neither of them really like Big surprises,, most times it consists of smth like "I saw this and thought of you!" or "I thought you'd like this so I picked it up!" and that's more than enough for them. occasionally though they Do like the spoil each other in their own special ways, so sometimes Lawrence will come home from work and the entire apartment is clean, there's music playing from that little stereo they have, and there's Adam in the kitchen with flour and brownie batter on his cheek and his shirt and in his hair bc maybe he's not the best cook, but he can bake (at least. brownies.) and Lawrence will just stand in the threshold of the kitchen fr a little bit after dropping off his coat and briefcase and lining up his shoes in the hallway, just watching Adam with this lovesick grin on his face until Adam finally turns around and sees him (he's not shocked, Lawrence always announces himself) and smiles back and it's so. <333

other times Adam will come home from a shoot to see Lawrence on the couch with Adam's favourite takeout, already in his pajamas and with their comfiest blanket next to him on the couch, and he's got a movie ready (usually The Princess Bride, as I've mentioned b4,,) and is just like "hey, I know you haven't eaten yet so I ordered in. wanna sit w me?" and of course Adam is always like of course I do!!! it's definitely one of those things where he's just smiling the whole time because this is a level of bliss he never saw himself reaching b4 Lawrence. he never imagined having someone to come home to, someone who loves him like this, and it's as simple as Lawrence making sure he eats + just wanting to take the time to relax w him while watching smth they both enjoy to make Adam realize this is love.

as for little things they do fr each other when they're having rough days? for Adam, I like the idea that Lawrence tosses one of his sweaters into the dryer for a little while so that it's warm when he takes it out, and then he brings it to wherever Adam has holed up while he rides out a shitty day and is just like "here, I know you're not having a good day so I brought you this. it's warm :)" and Adam is always just. "thank you" bc verbalizing things is hard on his bad days if he's not completely nonverbal (he does know the sign fr thank you + teaches it to Larry so he knows), but on the inside he's definitely just like 🥺🥺 ohhh my god I love you so much?? the other is that he'll make one of Adam's favourites for dinner because he firmly believes in the concept of comfort food serving to make things a little bit better. then they'll just sort of curl up on the couch or in bed and Adam will hide for a little while (like u've mentioned b4) until he feels good enough to at least lay his head on Lawrence's shoulder and watch him read/fill out crosswords (my fave hc concerning Lawrence is that. he likes them. he gets books of 'em Adam is so endeared by it).

for Lawrence, since he's the kind of person that throws himself into performing tasks (stress cleaning, paperwork, tending to things around the apartment, etc.) to keep his mind off of how upset he's feeling, I think the biggest thing Adam does is after a little while of Lawrence doing his thing, he'll come up behind him wherever he is and just kind of lead him away like "why don't you rest for a minute." and at first he wasn't rlly receptive to it, preferring to just sort of shake Adam off and be like "I'm okay, thank you for asking," even if he was very obviously Not Okay. eventually, though, all Adam has to do is put his hands on his shoulders and knead for a little bit before Lawrence just sighs and melts into it. he tenses up a lot, so his muscles are often really sore as a result, so when Adam does that it's a reminder to kind of sit back before that happens. the other, like you've also mentioned b4, is that Adam just holds Lawrence when he needs it, which is something he hadn't ever really experienced b4 but comes to appreciate very much. this is usually when Lawrence feels safest/the most seen + heard, so it's often where he cries it out, too.

otherwise it's just those little things; Lawrence will make Adam his cup of coffee in the morning, Adam will do Lawrence's tie for him b4 he heads off to work (his one weird ability, he supposes), holding the door open for each other when they're out and about, getting each other smth to drink + little snacks, stuff like that!! (one of my other favourites: sometimes when they go out for dates, Lawrence will pull Adam's chair out for him. Adam used to think smth like that wld be very stupid. when it's Lawrence, he comes to realize what was so endearing about it - not that he'd say that out loud tho)

polycule discussion:

I've actually thought abt this b4!! I feel like Adam wld be very very nervous abt it at first, just bc he knows it's something that a lot of ppl still consider to be unconventional + impossible, but he would definitely want to have that talk w Lawrence bc 1. that's his partner, and 2. of course he wants Lawrence to be aware of that/wants to hear what his feelings are. like u said though, he doesn't reject it entirely or anything like that - he just sort of needs time to understand it + see how it works, as it's absolutely smth he would have no prior familiarity with (esp being w Alison in a monogamous marriage).

the important thing here is Lawrence is comfortable asking questions. he might word things a little funny and might make Adam laugh a couple times, not unkindly, but he's genuinely so curious abt it and unafraid to ask (which is better than coming up with some false assumption)!! it's both delicate and not, which I think Adam wld prefer rather than it being too serious or bc of disapproval obviously. he always feels more comfortable in convos where they can still contain serious subject matter, but they can still laugh a little bit.

so it does take Lawrence a while to warm up to it, but not out of a place of ignorance/ridicule; he just needs to familiarize himself w it is all! and that makes Adam feel sooo much better abt it. of course there was never the intention not to tell Lawrence, but to have him accept it and maybe even consider it down the line does wonders to relax Adam.

I've actually thought abt who the first other member Lawrence kinda fell for wld be and I think it wld be Eric! it can definitely be partially attributed to the fact that bc Adam spends a lot of time around him (they ARE dating), Lawrence does too as a result, but there's more to their relationship than just being. boyfriend adjacent. they have things in common that they don't really w anyone else (i.e. being a parent that has been through a trap + had their kid directly endangered by Jigsaw and are helping them cope) and they kind of have very similar feelings (guilt/thinking things were their fault, feeling like they failed their kids, feeling like they're bad ppl like Jigsaw thought, things like that) so they bond through those things - and, of course, over both of them dating Adam.

u've mentioned this b4 + I agree w it so: I feel like Eric might kinda be the first person other than Adam to realize Lawrence's tendency to overwork himself to avoid having to confront his upset feelings. a big thing Eric does for him is he'll bring a little snack w him and maybe something to drink and he'll hand them off and be like "I know you're busy but you gotta remember to eat, I'm just gonna go chill over here," and then he'll just set himself up in a corner in the same room so that Lawrence isn't alone. he doesn't try to get him to stop, doesn't ask him what's wrong though it's clear he'd listen if Lawrence wanted to share, just makes sure he's taking care of himself + reminding him that ppl are there for him. and fr Lawrence that's kinda like. Oh. bc it's that silent type of understanding where they don't even have to announce it out loud. Lawrence doesn't feel the need to explain himself. having that not only w Adam, but Eric too, is definitely smth that sort of leads into that realization of "I think I love him too."

and there are moments where Lawrence will come to spend the night at Adam + Art?(it's up to you)/Eric's apartment when Eric falls asleep facing Lawrence while Adam is pressed up against his back and knowing the issues Eric has w his chronic insomnia + feeling safe enough to drift off to sleep easily, seeing the way being around Adam helps him relax and that being held leads him to sleep quicker than anything else, it just kinda makes Lawrence wanna hold him and not let go. he knows Eric wasn't shown that kind of tenderness often, that physical contact was something he was denied for so long, and it just. makes Lawrence Seethe that someone would ever do that to him, in this protective way that Lawrence can't deny feels a lot like love. it only ever increases when Eric wakes up screaming later and ends up with his face against Lawrence's neck once the tension fades away and he just sags against him, crying. Lawrence allows himself to hold Eric then, and he still feels like he never wants to let go. this man is so compassionate, so protective himself of the ones he loves and wld do anything to keep them safe. he is a big dog of a man that makes ppl feel held + understood and Lawrence loves him a little bit, he can't help it.

I think Lawrence finally fully realizes it when Eric stumbles across him having a panic attack bc he'd forgotten to turn the ringer off and it just so happened to go off at that moment. he's trembling and it's hard for him to breathe but Eric just kind of crouches down in front of him and is like "focus on me for a moment. can you do that?" and he rests his hands on Lawrence's upper arms. when Lawrence nods Eric takes one of his hands and places it on his chest n says "can you breathe with me?" and somehow, Lawrence steadily finds himself relaxing and able to draw more air in until he's not shaking as hard and he doesn't feel like he's sucking in air through a straw, and by then he's so exhausted by it all that he ends up with his forehead against Eric's sternum, and Eric just holds him, no words. and he says, "it's okay that it still upsets you, it's smth you can't help and that is fine. I just want you to know that." like he knew what Lawrence needed to hear, and it's just. oof. that's when Lawrence is just like Oh I See. I Love Him. I Love Him Too.

Adam is beyond delighted abt it when Lawrence actually tells him, and Lawrence can safely say that he's definitely more open to the idea after that!!

#the domesticity of it all...#it's what they deserve #saw #adam #lawrence #eric #asks #thank uuuu I was so excited to answer this!!!#I love yr asks they get me Thinkin #long post #as u can see im Very fond of yr lawrence/eric interpretation!!!

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bbugyu · 3 years

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HI can u maybe talk abt seungkwan the way u answered previous member asks? 🥺 i love reading ur little analysis and i'm deep into my sk feels atm

AAAAA URI BOOOOO YES OGMNGGNV i ult boo seungkwan FUN FACT even tho i never write for him because he’s like. he’s my best friend. i love him. lets get it

so seungkwan is an enfp, which is the campaigner! this is another personality type that makes a really good leader (there’s so many in svt omg) and if i remember right, cheol has said if it wasn’t him, he would want boo to be leader! despite being one of the youngest members in seventeen, he is incredibly skilled and a really good teacher, and he is REALLY strong in communication. there’s that video of him leading a vocal team practice, and you can really tell he knows how to bring out the best in people. jeonghan hits a note and seungkwan’s like “see! i told you you could do it! why did you hesitate??” and jeonghan like shy giggles and it just shows that he knows exactly how to encourage and praise people in the way that they will be receptive to. this comes from his extroverted intuition, which means that he is good at like. abstract thinking. he sees things for what they can be, not for what they are. this links to being super creative! seungkwan is one of the members with several writing credits on the svt discography, and you can tell by the way he just randomly belts out runs (seokmin does this also lol) that he’s always thinking about new melodies.

enfps focus on relationships a lot, whether its between people, situations, or ideas. he makes connections that other people wouldn’t, thanks to his abstract thinking! but he’s also kinda stubborn - he’s someone who thinks that his values and morals are correct and is unwilling to budge. i think the reason he really stands by his values tho is because enfps tend to overthink everything, so he truly TRULY believes that he’s in the right!! because he spends SO MUCH TIME thinking about EVERYTHING that he’s like... there’s no way i’m wrong (meEEE)

he follows his heart! his decision making has less to do with logic and more to do with how he feels about the situation. enfps also work through stuff out loud, which is why seungkwan seems rambly sometimes - he needs to hear his own logic out loud in order to fully process it and then comes to a decision by the time he’s done explaining! but his gut feeling is REALLY GOOD like he has a strong feeling so it’s smart tht he uses it! his ability to see things as what they might be make him really good at problem solving. ex. mafia games! the mafia always tries to kill seungkwan first, and it’s because he always observes what everyone is doing and says stuff that worries the mafia - he makes himself a target by being too smart, and he knows it (which is why he begged shua to save him in the first round during don’t lie 1). i think he’s better at interpersonal problem solving vs. logic puzzles - he’s not bad at them, but he’s better at reading behavior and noticing changes in patterns.

enfps can seem really serious or like. “high stakes” a lot of the time (it’s because they care so much haha), but they know when to let loose. seungkwan always encourages everyone to have the most fun during breaks, or during ttt!! when they were scream singing psy and twice DHSKSD he’s also EXTREMELY enthusiastic - he literally puts his everything into anything he tries. he does everything like rent’s due KEFJFHSKD i think it’s so admirable!!! but the reason he’s able to do that even in front of people he doesnt know is because he’s so extroverted. he’s super personable and friendly, and people seem to get along with him really easily. every time he’s on a show as a guest, the hosts LOVE him. him and jaejae are literally iconic together like I LOVE THEMMMM i think we can all relate to him because of how excited he gets about things. like he’s such a fanboy. wonderful king! as a fellow wonderful, we stan. that’s why he gets good recognition as professor boo!!! even fans of other groups go and watch his vlives because he has such genuine fan knowledge of kpop through the ages. hes enthusiasm is UNMATCHED!

svt is so full of empathetic people like. damn. seungkwan is really good about giving advice (thanks to his problem solving skills and the fact that he thinks about how things can be instead of how they are), but he’s an extremely attentive listener. like dino said in the kelly clarkson video, seungkwan is really good about checking up on people when they’re going through a hard time.

ok thi sis getting long so speedround: he’s kinda disorganized. he really cares about health and tries to keep up but i think he loses shit like constantly because there’s just too much JFSDKF. his emotions overwhelm him really quickly (usually anger FDHSKH). he seeks approval a lot, which means he gets really nervous when he’s around people he really idolizes (ex. when him and mingyu were on omniscient manager and he looked constipated).

I LOVE BOO SEUNGKWAN SO MUCHHHFJKHJSHD

#I LOVE HEEEE #anon #ask #booff #svt hc

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zombieratt · 3 years

Text

Alright so forewarning this is LONG as FUCK specifically because i came up with this idea in early high school and was just today POSESSEd By the Spirit Of Musical Theatre to put it to paper— er Tumblr.

So without further ado:

DEAR EVAN HANSEN BUT EVAN ISNT A TERRIBLE PERSON AND CONNOR LIVES.

the beginning is the same, canon diverges just after waving through a window.

*this ended up getting written is script format? i also just sorta ignore alana’s whole exsistance bc in this version of the play she’s unnecessary*

In the moments before he talks to Connor evan decides to omit Zoe from his letter, having resolved himself to move on from her. (instead of being a hella creep.)

Connor: “dear Evan Hansen,” what are you writing letters to yourself? *he laughs*

Evan: its, uh, its for my therapist. its just a stupid little assignment that she says is supposed to help me process my feelings or— uh or something

Connor: hm. here. * hands Evan the letter*

Connor: your cast. no one’s signed it.

Evan: uh no. no one has.

Connor: gotta sharpie?

Evan: huh?

Connor: gotta sharpie? im gonna sign it.

Evan: *handing the sharpie to Connor* w- whuh uh why?

Connor: *shrugs* feels right.

Evan: i wish i could do that

Connor: what?

Evan: UH, IMEAN—

Connor: no wait- dude.

Evan: i mean uh, i meant that i wish i could just be, y’know impulsive like that.

Connor: Why Cant you be?

Evan: i uh, my heads pretty messed up, and stuff like that just, makes it worse i guess.

Connor: well theres some thing we have in common— were both fucked up in the head.

*the bell rings*

Evan: oh shoot! i missed the bus—

Connor: i’ll give you a ride.

Evan: are you sure i mean i can walk its not far-

Connor: all the more reason, i probably have to pass it on my way home anyway, cmon.

——

they meet Zoe in the parking lot

Zoe: I have Late practice today

Connor: whatever, gotta passenger.

Zoe: who the fuck would be crazy enough to trust your ability to drive?

Evan *being Brave*: Me Apparently?

Zoe: Uh, Evan Right?

Evan: yeah, uh, yeah.

Zoe *holding her hand out to be shaken*: i’m Zoe, we’ve met though right?

Evan wipes his hand on his shirt and shakes it: yeah, uh, nice to formally meet you, Zoe.

Zoe: i’m off, don’t kill him stoner.

Connor: i wont Princess

Evan breathing heavy: that was,, an eventful ten minutes.

Connor: oh fuck— you cool? or—

Evan: Panic Attack.

Connor: Right, uh

Connor: can you get in the car?

Evan: yeah

*car nonsense*

Connor: Can i start driving or do you want me to wait

Evan: Distractions are good,, Can Uh, Can you Talk about Stuff?

Connor: What stuff!??

Evan: any Stuff!

Connor: Is Zoe okay??

Evan: Sure?!

Connor: Uhh we don’t get along as well as we used to?

we were really close as kids, shes a huge asshole now but *fully venting now*

i kind of miss it you know? having someone to talk to and care about— and i still care about her— but its scary and i always fuck it up! not to mention the fact that our parents hate me— make her see me as some alien and not just a fucked up kid who wants to talk and — (more ranting that i dont feel like writing, but its a whole monologue bro)

Evan: Connor

Connor snaps his mouf shut: yeah

Evan: thanks

Connor: oh that, uh actually helped?

Evan: yeah focusing on your voice and whats real and stuff— it makes a difference.

Neither of them noticed that Connor was just sort of Driving. they end up at the park where in canon Connor commits Sewer-slide.

Evan: i didn’t know there was a park here.

Connor: huh, oh, yeah i guess i just sorta auto piloted, i come here to think.

Evan: About stuff?

Connor: Yeah, Stuff.

*the convo lulls*

Connor: do you have a laptop?

Evan: no, i uh, i left it at home? why?

Connor: give me a second

Connor walks to the car and grabs his back pack out of the back seat

Evan watches Quizzically from the swing-set

Connor pulls out a Sketch Pad and Pen, flipping to a clean page.

Connor: So tell me how to write one of those letters of yours.

Evan: uh, well you start like any other letter- just addressing it to yourself

Connor writing: Dear Connor Murphy,

Evan: and uh, my first one was supposed to be about my ideal summer vacation? since i started in middle school- but you don’t have to—

Connor: thats perfect.

Connor starts to sing for forever,

eventually Evan joins in there is a minor gay moment where they’re holding hands face to face.

the song ends with Connor hugging Evan.

Evan: its- its pretty late.

Connor obviously crying: just— just a couple more minutes.

Evan lets go and grabs Connors sketch book of the ground, closing it and handing it off to him: then how about this, labor day weekend- we actually go.

Connor: what are you talking about?

Evan: being spontaneous?

Connor: o-okay.

and it cuts to black.

theres a small montage here, as the set changes to Connor and Evans bedrooms

sincerely, me is a lament in this context, Connor and Evan are duetting from their respective rooms, writing to themselves.

(the lyrics are completely different and i will not be writing them here because thats too much fucking effort.

but they’re duetting from their bedrooms about making a connection to another person, feeling seen, for the first time. what it felt like and how they really want to keep it up but are afraid of making a mistake and ruining it.

its got some themes of waving thru a window, and a little bit of for forever, but its still largely the same notes just in a different key.)

after wards, Zoe knocks on Connors door to tell him dinner is ready to find him peacefully asleep.

requiem is the same, Zoe sees Connor as Dead to Her instead of actually dead, so some of the wording changes, so and so about how a monster doesn’t deserve peaceful rest etcetera.

school day happens, Connor doesn’t die, but the hot goss is that everyone saw Connor and Evan go home together after school, jared makes a shitty homophobic joke to Evan and Evan kind of tells him off about it. they argue and it culminates in Evan saying “well god forbid I’m friends with someone who isn’t YOU!” or smth like tht and it hits jared right the fuck at home man.

Connor says from the side lines: damn that was pretty hard core dude.

Evan: you have, no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that.

Connor honest to god l a u g h s, theres a number of people who hear it and lose their shit, Zoe being one of them: i have a pretty good idea, wanna get some lunch?

Evan: yeah, sure.

this general routine continues until labor day weekend, when they plan to go on their little escape. theres a short scene of Connor leaving the house with his keys and a backpack.

Connors mom confronts Zoe about his oddly upbeat attitude and hows he’s seemed differently lately Zoe Shrugs but decides to investigate his room.

she finds the letters. the first one is for forever, the theme plays as she reads it frantically, and is signed “Sincerely me (connor murphy)” so she knows its him, i f i could tell her begins but its a real duet between Connor and Zoe and at the end she resolves to try harder to connect to him.

Evan sings disappear to Connor after breaking into a formerly public park, in this context its him confessing that he broke his arm attempting su!c!de. Connor records it, for personal reference.

jared hacks Connors phone and steals the video, posting it to yt, in an effort to ruin their friendship.

Evan and Connor get in a little fight about it, and in the meantime Evan is called to the school to give an assembly because hes a phenomenal speaker and Disappear got like 1000000 views over night.

Zoe and Connor bond a little bit in a short scene before the assembly

Zoe: wheres Evan what happened?

Connor: Kleinman Did!

Zoe: what?

Connor: Why Do you care?

Zoe: because! you look happy around him!

Connor: i, i do?

Zoe: yeah? he could tell the worst joke ever written and you’d crack up. i haven’t heard you laugh like that in years Connor, maybe ever.

Connor: oh.

Zoe: Come back inside?

Connor: y, Yeah.

they all perform You Will Be Found together.

end act 1.

(no more dialogue from here i got tired)

to break in a glove is Connor’s dad trying to reconnect with him, it goes mediocrely, but Connor feels like hes being seen by his dad for the first time in years. its said in metaphors, but this is Connors dads way of saying that if Connor is willing to put in the work, so is he. they hug at the end, things are looking up. some talk of therapy is sprinkiled in the dialogue as they walk of stage together.

Only Us is Evan and Connor saying that they saved each other. its loosely romantic, as its a love song, but they don’t out right say that they’re in love or anything, they don’t know if theyre ready for that. its a promise. the song ends with Connor finally apologizing for pushing Evan over at the beginning of the show.

good for you is sung by jared only, as a power ballad, about losing people you didn’t treasure. its his attempt at an apology, but it ultimately fails, since jared is unable to take responsibility for his own actions. this is where jared and Evan go their separate ways.

Evan’s mom comforts him, as he sings words fail, which is about specifically jared, and how their rocky friendship is ruined and Evan pegs himself as the cause, instead of parents or perfect girl he uses metaphors that apply to best friends— maybe more. and talks about how he didn’t try, he was happy so he ignored that jared was hurting, and how that was really shitty of him. but instead of it being a generally somber song the end is lighter, because Connor is there— waving through his front window.

Evans mom sings So Big/So Small as Evan steps out the front door to embrace Connor and they mime talking about jared, hug and take hands. the house moves off stage in preparation for the finale.

Connor and Evan open the finale saying each others names, and sing it together as the test of the cast (minus jared) joins in, Evans mom taking his hand and Zoe Taking Connors, Evans mom the Murphys and Zoe break off to the back where Evan and Connor finish the final “all i see is sky for forever” while looking into each others eyes, and finish the musical by embracing (maybe kissing if thats ur jam).

#dear evan hansen #deh #connor murphy #evan hansen #zoe murphy #musicals #broadway #deh rewrite i guess?#this is more like the outline of a fic i’ll never write #kd.txt #i was posessed to write this #tree bros

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alphaketoglutaricacid · 4 years

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@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did. I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl.

I think kabu and minatos relationship is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over. you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time

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