#also omg IM TOUCHED wahhhhh you were thinking abt my fic

[roughentumble]

My mind is still stuck on the Renfri's son au (I promise at some point I will actually shut the fuck up about it) and thought about how in your fic Jaskier mentions writing poetry/songs with the intention to not actually share them with anyone bc they're private and thought about Renfri's death being the one thing Jaskier can't view as poetic

Like, he can spin other tragedies into stories and songs and sonnets, can immortalize other unfortunate events through song, can memorialize wars and plagues and senseless crimes but he just cannot wring anything poetic out of his mother's death, can't make the blood anything other than just red

He tries, to write about her in general, but it's like writing about a stranger, a ghost, a shadow and all he can do is write some pretty lines about shrikes and thorns but whenever he does he tastes blood in his mouth and can't go on

And it makes him so angry, bc all the cruelty Renfri faced, all of the pain and abuse and hate she endured, was totally senseless and all for nothing - only a handful of ppl even remember her name but as much as he wishes he could scream his love for her from the mountains, make the world remember her name, he wants to keep it to himself just as much, wants to hold what little memory of her still exists close to his heart to protect her, even if only in death, bc there's always the possibility that he could write the most beautiful song about her and the world would still see her as a monster

!!!!!!!

OH i adore that. sometimes things are just too painful to turn into a creation of any sort, no matter how much the narrative gets pushed of "someone turning their tragedy into art" or whatever.

maybe as time goes on, as he travels with geralt and possibly even (fruitlessly) confronts stregobor, he writes some journal entries about it-- but they're all stream of conciousness, just an attempt to get the pain out. lance the wound, as it were. not meant for others eyes or consumption, and certainly not a Creation

#not that journal entries CANT be a form of creation but in this case it isnt #i think that either he would never get to a place where he could Make something out of his mothers death(which is completely understandable) #or it would be VERY slow going and probably songs/poems that arent really meant for public ears #its painful to feel like hes somehow failing her. like he should be carrying on her memory more publicly #but he just CANT. and hes got to prioritize his own health and his own way of grieving and his own way of remembering her #because he's the one who has to live with it ultimately #i think he probably admits that shamw to geralt at some point who comforts him by saying theres no shame in not grieving publicly #in not having your whole life be up for public consumption #that its ok that this is how he deals with it. #witcher tag #ogc tag #also omg IM TOUCHED wahhhhh you were thinking abt my fic? 🥺