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#also ok for anyone who was invested. my other call went well it was SOOOO fun i don’t think i have a cr*sh on her anymore but we had such a
pepprs · 3 years
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awroight
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riskeith · 3 years
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ooo! how was playing? what do you think about the event? i’m really enjoying it actually... always nice getting new daily things to do hehe.
yeah i think everyone knows The Cover now. i still can’t believe they did that... not complaining tho... oh really? you’re absolutely right and judging by the way they’re taking the story it seems like those two will have a lot more growth to their relationship. who knows maybe we’ll even get a part where bakugou apologizes or even talks about their past etc. one can only wish. YEAH i’ve seen both the movies and i love them!! they’re super fun and such a nice break from everything that happens in the anime sjskjssk kiribaku in the first one was so gay i.... we get it boys y’all in love fhjsjdjfk (THE SIDEWAYS TODOBAKU SMILE... one of my favorite moments ever) i am all caught up now.. waiting for s5... :(
no clue!! it’s just my theory so it might be wrong. the blue one was cute too so was the pink one.... they’re all cute why do we have to pick just one :( HEY you do know how to draw 😡 pretty amazingly too! but i’d love to see that in your style chongyun is so precious.. <3
omg i gotta hustle hard for AR 35 then i already miss him. i’m at 26 now and god.. it’s getting more and more difficult i can’t imagine how it is at like 45... 😭
oooooh!!! honestly barbara healing is godsent if you don’t get him you should consider it (hopefully you do though!!) IVE SEEN VIDEOS OF OCEANID AND HE LOOKS SO SCARY CLUNA.... no thoughts head empty only boy scouts party. looking at others with amazing parties: ok but do you have boy scouts party?
i mostly have sword users! but like i mentioned i’m starting to fall in love with book users (and even bow users) shskfhdkd so i might consider investing in those some day idk they just shoot of attacks and it’s so sexy. no hands dirty. ningguang seems so op 😭 plus geo is so nice!! like an all around element.
HE’S TALL? he has a short person voice...
i’m making a twitter i wanna see some fluff 😭 wait really? even this fandom is shit? why 😭 i sometimes see yt comments and the thing i’m iffy about is how people talk about spending money on it etc but is there more?
i’ve never heard anyone do that that’s so interesting!!!! do you write it down in the same doc and then delete it or do you write it separately?
ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!!! i’ve had so many ideas come to me before bed and i always think that i’m gonna remember them but i never do it makes me so upset. especially if it’s an idea of how to continue a story i’m stuck with... god it’s the worse. writer things 🤪
“stan loona” aka bane of my existence. i don’t usually tell ppl i used to stan because of that reason sksksj. god that was the worst sheesh. anyway. yelling at ALL of these!!! ofc i know daddy issues slowed!!!!!!!!! it’s like one of the most popular slowed songs we’re all just a sad horny bunch loving sexy vibes huh. i listen to slowed songs a lot when i write actually it sets the mood. it doesn’t even have to be anything racy sometimes it’s just calms you down. do you listen to music while you write? also i don’t listen to any of those you mentioned except troye 😭 i’m sorry 😭 but if you’re have recs i’d love to hear them ofc!!
“after school” time that’s so cute. it reminds me of when you’re younger and you run back home and eat a snack and watch cartoon (i say that as both of us still watch cartoons... yee) speaking of crying; would you consider yourself a crybaby? (such a random question hskshdjdfhhd)
before i leave; let me blow your mind with a little something... https://twitter.com/primo_fates/status/1347780975078506496?s=21
hehe... mwah. ;)
it was good!! i tried to get some ominous masks and weathered arrows, but drop rates are always shit lolll. and i think the event is alright! i don’t love it but yeah as you said it’s fun to have something more to do every day.
ikr omg... it’s such a good cover LMAO. omg a bakugou apology 😩😩. what did you think of deku vs kacchan part 2?? i regularly rewatch clips of it and cry LMAOOO god bakugou.. “why did i become the reason for all might’s end?” heart broken wow. NICE!! yeah i remember everyone freaking out over the kiribaku scenes in the first one and honestly,,,, how else do you explain it LMAO. (AND THAT SIDEWAYS SMILE!!! holy shit i watched the movie like the day after i got into todobaku and that scene obliterated me.... absolutely destroyed!) aw nice! but yeah now it’s just the waiting game i guess lol welcome to the club 🤪
IKR??? i saw the “once you pick one the others are gone” and i was just nooooooooooo whyyyy. you can’t give us all these options then don’t actually give us an option 😭 AHAHA thank u but i always joke that i can only draw well like once every 10 tries so... yeahhh we shall see! i have this thing envisioned in my mind but i am unable to execute it fskhfkdsjfs
yeah omg when i reached 45 i was like “wow i’m gonna have to do the ascension quest soon” but it’s taking me so long to reach ar 46??? yikes how am i meant to get the experience with no quests fkhdsfkjsd
i use barbara a lot in the fire domains and with the pyro regisvine!! it’s kinda funny that i’m bringing a level 40 into a level 70+ fight LOL but yeah she’s good! AND YEAHHH OCEANID LEGIT GIVES ME NIGHTMARES I JUST. as soon as i had an actual team that could beat it i grinded it as much as i could before my world level went up and it became impossible again.... but since mine might go up again soon maybe i should grind some more... and maybe i’ll be able to level up both xingqiu and barbara lol. EXACTLY!! can they pls interact in game somehow omg.. we need a bennett story!! and more razor!!!! and chongyun too!! i forgot he hasn’t actually appeared in game hfsdkjfds. and ofc xingqiu <3
fdfjlsjfs are you gonna go from a no long range team to an only long range team ahahah. and you like geo??? omg no... i hate it bc it’s so like. inert FHKDJFSD. but i guess the shields are really nice!
HE’S 172 CM!!!!! he has a baby face too so it’s pretty wild fhskdjds
ooo wdym how they talk about spending money? i don’t really look at youtube comments tbh lol. and i haven’t really seen people talk about spending money much on twitter? tho some content creators i follow open commissions for money for the gacha fhsdfksj. if you do end up joining genshintwt i hope you have fun!! 
same doc and then i delete! but sometimes if the plan is really long i’ll make a new doc so i can see both at the same time (but recently i’ve just been opening the same doc again so i can see both that way lol). do your dotpoints go into the same doc as your writing one?
LMAOOO yeah i’m always like “hnghhh okay it’s fine.. i will Remember... trust myself” and then i never do and it’s just like welp goodbye to that amazing idea. but also bc it was thought up at such a weird time maybe it isn’t actually that good after all LOL
oh nice!! yeah slowed songs are soooo good. and i usually do listen to music! it’ll depend on what i’m writing bc i like the songs to have a similar vibe, but sometimes it’s too distracting so i put on lofi or something so there are no words ahaha. oh rippp LOL! hmm well badlands by halsey was my klance/voltron album writing soundtrack for a really long time.. i wrote a few fics with that in the background i think! melanie martinez’ k-12 album has a whole free movie to go with it! if you wanna check that out. bastille’s pompeii was really popular but i also really like flaws and of the night from them.. a lot of these are older bc i don’t listen to new stuff fhsdfkjds. and hmm pentatonix (they’re an acapella group!) do a lot of covers so maybe you can find one of a song you like and check them out that way? ahah that’s a lot feel free to not listen to any!! no stress at all lmao
oh fun fact melanie has a idk what to call it character? and song called ‘crybaby’! so very coincidental you asked. but yeah i think i am? LMAOOO like if i’m alone in my room watching something and it’s sad i Will Not hesitate to cry.. like sometimes you just gotta get it out you know? and sometimes maybe it’s a little boy singing a korean cover of colours of the wind but it’s so ethereal you just burst into tears but that’s fine! FHDSKJFHDSFKJS. how about you?
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD!! i legit. my jaw is dropped. i. oh my god 😭😭😭😭😭😭 FHSJFKHSKDJF1!!!! 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is so atmospheric and cosy and warm 😭😭😭 i can go at peace now.. fhskfhdsjf
thank you always!! - c.r. xoxo
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upthenorthmountain · 5 years
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Only Love - Together
Happy birthday @karis-the-fangirl! For you, I have managed to finish this. I hope you have a wonderful day :D
Previous Chapters: Part 1, Part 2
This story and the larger upthenorthmountain modern AU Kristannaverse have no affiliation with the real-life town of Arundel and any similarities with the town, its people and its actual summer festival are purely coincidental.
Together
But as Anna lay on the sofa disconsolately that Sunday evening, her phone beeped. It was Jessica.
oh btw i gave kris your number hope thats ok
Anna scowled at her phone. Rude! I mean, if she wanted Kristoff to have her number, she would give it to him herself. Gladly. Or up until last night she would have. Ugh, now he would ring and be really nice and explain how he really liked her as a friend, and he was happy to forget everything that had happened, and he hoped he’d see her soon, but in a friend way. And she’d be forced to see him and pretend everything was cool while secretly dying inside. So she wouldn’t be able to go to Sven and Jessica’s ever again and she’d have to make all new friends and everything would be stupid and terrible and all because she couldn’t control herself and gave into every immediate instinct like a TODDLER or a, a GOAT.
The phone rang. An unknown mobile number. Anna jumped and dropped it on the floor.
It lay there, on its back, ringing. Oh god. Oh god oh god. Just answer it, woman, it’s probably a PPI spam call.
“Hello?”
“Ah, hi, Anna?”
It was him, oh god. Oh no oh no oh no. “Hi, Kris? I mean I guess this is Kris, Jessica just texted and said she gave you my number, which is fine, I just - um. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Ah. I - Anna, I wanted to apologise for last night. The last thing I wanted to do was upset you -”
“It’s - it’s okay! I should be apologising, and I am, I’m apologising. I’m the one who made everything awkward, I’d really like to just forget it. Pretend it never happened. I was drunk, I’m sorry.”
“Pretend it never happened?”
“Please. We’re friends, it’s cool.”
There was a pause. Then Kristoff said, “Well, this is awkward.”
“I guess…”
“No, I mean….” he cleared his throat. “Because the other reason I phoned you was to ask you out.”
“....what?”
“It has been explained to me,” he said, “At great length, over the course of this afternoon, that I am an idiot, and if I like you and you like me then we should spend some time just the two of us, to - explore that further. And that sounded about right to me, once Sven had finished his harangue, so I was wondering if you wanted to go to the festival thing in the park with me next weekend. There’s live bands and food stalls and things. I mean, if you want to. If I’m not being even more of an idiot.”
“....Sven spent a whole afternoon calling you an idiot and telling you to ask me out?”
“Except for when Jessica was doing it, yeah. You should probably know that they’re pretty invested in this. You haven’t actually answered.”
“No. I mean, no I haven’t, but yes. Yes, please.”
“Okay!” She could hear the relief in his voice. “That’s - awesome. Cool. Okay, I’ll check the times and call you later in the week, okay?”
“Okay, great. Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay. Bye, then. Anna.”
“Bye,” she almost whispered, and the line went dead as he ended the call.
Anna sat for a moment, her phone in her hands. Then she shook herself, and saved his number carefully to her contacts, and went to text Jessica and tell her - but no. Not straight away. She would let herself sit here for a moment, for one perfect moment, enjoying this feeling. Before she undoubtedly did something to muck it up again.
----
Her phone rang again about twenty minutes later.
“Soooo? Did he ask you out?”
“Jess!”
“Well, did he?”
“As if you don’t know.”
Jessica laughed. “I was just worried he’d bottle it. Sven practically had to threaten him.”
“That makes me feel great, thanks.”
“Oh, no, he wanted to! He was just all, what if she doesn’t want to talk to me, what if she says no, won’t it make everything awkward, and I was like, I got the impression everything was already awkward? But anyway. He did, so. He’s a good boy really.”
“Mm.”
“So, what are you going to wear?”
“I don’t know! He like literally JUST called. Oh no, I have to decide what do wear….what if I do something stupid. Like say something stupid. Or, or I spill my drink all over myself, or something, and he changes his mind about me, and -”
“What do you mean? Don’t be ridiculous. Anyway. He’s definitely seen you spill a drink on yourself before.”
“...um. Maybe?”
“Yes, you remember, it was only a couple of weeks ago and he was definitely there - and that time at the barbecue, when you took a bite of your burger and got ketchup all down your front - and at the mini golf, when you tripped over your club and fell over and skinned your knees, and we were all trying to give you tissues and things and you were insisting you were fine with blood running all down onto your socks -”
“WHY are we doing this?”
“I’m just saying - he’s seen all these things and he still asked you out. So I’m not sure what you could do to put him off, unless you were planning on being, like, WILDLY racist or something - oh, Anna, do you remember when someone made you laugh when you were eating Doritos and you choked and some went up your nose and then you blew your nose and it was all orange -”
“I’m a disaster human, I know, everyone apparently knows, please stop now.”
“Sorry. I’m stopping. But, isn’t it nice to go out with someone who already knows you this well? And wants to be with you anyway?”
“Rude.” But she had to admit, it was nice.
----
He felt - not broken, exactly, but - raw. Bruised. After Maria, part of him wanted to crawl away into a corner and lick his wounds, wait for everything to heal, wait to feel normal again, whatever normal felt like.
But.
If he waited, he’d miss her, he was certain of that. She was so - everything she was, and someone else would see it, soon enough. Sven had gone on at length about striking while the iron was hot and Kristoff knew he was right even as he wished for a little more time.
-----
The annual Arundel Summer Festival was in the park. Anna met Kristoff at the gates at four, or close enough to four, after she’d tried on every outfit she owned, and put her hair up and taken it down and put it half-up; and her sandals were super-pretty but also they rubbed if, for example, you had to run halfway across town because you were nearly late for a date you were super-excited about. But she was here now.
He was wearing a shirt, was the first thing she noticed. Not a t-shirt, a shirt with buttons, and jeans that looked suspiciously new. He’d brushed his hair, and he had a picnic blanket rolled up under his arm.
“I thought we could go listen to the music for a bit,” he said, “Then maybe get something to eat, there’s a lot of stalls - and there’s bands into the evening, I think, but we don’t have to stay the whole time, it’s up to you -”
“That sounds good! Great.”
“Great.” They beamed at each other.
Anna had been so worried it would be awkward, or she would make it awkward again somehow, but after the first little while everything was great. They sat on the picnic blanket - while on the stage a school band played a medley of musical theatre tunes that was actually pretty good - and talked. Then they walked round the food stalls and couldn’t decide what to eat so took a few things back to their blanket to share, and if Anna did nearly choke on a piece of naan because Kristoff made her laugh at the wrong moment then that was the kind of thing that could happen to anyone. A couple of times Anna got inquisitive texts but she ignored them. Jessica could wait.
Kristoff came back from putting the remains of their meal in the bin and sat down on the blanket next to her, leaning back on his hands. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this relaxed on a date before,” he said, then hesitated as if afraid he’d given too much away.
“Me neither. Must be the music,” Anna said, nodding towards the stage where some men with guitars were doing a sound check. Kristoff laughed.
He was so close. He was leaning right towards her, and his smile was slowly fading to be replaced with a look of almost wonder, almost - she didn’t know what; his eyes went to her lips then back up, and her heartbeat was almost drowning out the words kiss me kiss me kiss me kiss me chanting in her head.
He bent his head down, leaning in, and the anticipation was delicious but also she was going to scream with the effort of not leaping forward and pinning him down. She closed her eyes instead, feeling his breath on her lips before, finally, gently, slowly, he kissed her.
Now she let herself push forward. Now she ran her hand over his shoulder and to the back of his neck, as he kissed her again, more assuredly this time.
He was so close, and he smelt so nice, and Anna longed to pull him down onto the blanket next to her - on top of her - and...
...and get thrown out of the Arundel Summer Festival for indecent, non-family-friendly behaviour, that was what. Anna couldn’t help it, she started giggling, and Kristoff pulled away. “What?” he said, smiling.
“Nothing,” Anna said. “Just happy, that’s all. The kiss was nice,” she added. “You can do that again if you want.”
So he did.
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lightsandlostbells · 5 years
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Skam NL episodes 4 and 5 reaction
This is incredibly late but there was no way I was not going to write about Engel’s detour into waxing hell.
Episode 4
Clip 1 - Piesiepoepselaar
Isa and Kes are lying together in the morning and it’s very serene. He’s had the same nightmare as Jonas did in the original, though I think the context is different … russ is like a thing that Jonas objects to on principle, would Kes be against just taking a city trip?
He’s like, “You took off your shirt and made out with everyone, boys and girls.” Lmao, I don’t think Isa is going to get that wild in Tallinn.
Isa replies that she’ll only take off her shirt for Kes. So this isn’t really a hint of an actual problem or any condescension on his part, they’ve re-purposed this exchange into some purely flirty interaction.
This cute moment is interrupted by Isa’s mom unexpectedly popping in. She calls her daughter “pissing pooper”? Hands down the best/worst nickname I have heard a parent call their child. And of course Kes loves it.
Clip 2 - Orgy preparation
Isa gets a call from “Pap” soooo her dad is still kind of in the picture?
Engel bounds up to Isa, she looks very happy to see her. And when Janna and Imaan come up, she also looks happy to see them. Engel is so cute.
Except LMAO, GOD. She addresses Imaan with “Salaam-Alaikum,” and seems a little proud of herself, as if she Googled “how to speak Muslim” over the weekend. So I guess instead of being an outright exclusionary racist, she’s going to be like … a well-intentioned white ally who goes too far and ends up othering her Muslim friend by not treating her the same as the non-Muslims? That’s a pretty interesting take. It certainly puts Engel in a better light than Vilde, since she is trying to be inclusive rather than rejecting Imaan, but it also explores Imaan’s struggle with having to deal with people treating her differently than her peers, or changing their behavior toward her since she’s a Muslim.
Imaan is just like “.... Hi.” I feel like at some point she’s going be like, “Look, you can just treat me like you’d treat anyone else.”
Janna starts coughing, and at first I thought she was trying to salvage the awkward moment, but she’s actually gesturing for Engel to look over yonder because GUESS WHAT, a certain dude is climbing the stairs.
Dutch William has a very long coat and seems more like an artsy edgy hipster kid, maybe, than a regular king-of-the-school fuckboy. His head is down so we don’t get a full view of his face, it’s like he’s ~mysterious and gives no fucks.
That blond dude from the party, Gijs, is part of Dutch William’s (Noah’s) crew, of course, and nods in recognition to Isa. They’re like, HOLY SHIT, Isa, what happened there?
Apparently one of them (Gijs or Noah) the wildest parties, with orgies. And not some weak-ass orgies where people sit in the hot tub together. Full-on power orgies with naked bodies. Janna sure knows her orgy classifications.
Engel’s facial expressions when Janna mentions orgies, lmao. This little frown.
The girls are like, “There’s a party this Friday,” and Isa’s like “...OK?” Imaan has to explain that Janna and Engel want Isa to flirt with the guy so they can get in to the party. She takes Isa’s phone and does her thing. Well, that’s interesting because Imaan doesn’t seem so invested personally in going to the party? I mean, there’s no real benefit to their city trip. Is she doing it because Janna and Engel want to? Like she wants to be in with these girls and have friends?
Janna is amused and laughs at Imaan’s liking all of Gijs’ pics. Engel just seems stunned. A Muslim did that???? Maybe she had Imaan all wrong. Maybe she needs to consult Google again.
Clip 3 - BUY YOUR OWN GODDAMN FRIES
Isa, Kes, and Lucas go out for food. Isa is the only one to order fries, and when she asks if they want fries, they’re like nahhhh. IMMEDIATELY my bullshit detector went off. They’re going to steal her fucking fries, aren’t they?
At one point the word “EVEN” is visible through the window, heh.
Lucas has injured his left hand, which I am assuming is a thing the actor did IRL and they had to explain it into the story. Kes roasts Lucas about his injury (which happened while skateboarding) and Lucas is like, “At least I take risks.” Yeah, some of those risks will apparently involve fucking up your friends’ relationship?
Kes asks Isa if they’re going to hang out at her place, I am assuming just the two of them, while Lucas gives Kes a long look. Actually, those are some high-quality Looks that Lucas has been serving to Kes. Make sure this show gets to season 3, okay? So he can put his pining face to good use.
Kes says the whole thing about Isa’s mom not knowing about him, and that Isa is ashamed of him, and Lucas is like, well, she’s right!
But of course Gijs is now sending her messages about Isa’s IG stalking. Just as Kes is offering to cook for her and her mom. Isa, let him cook for you! That’s more proactive than any Jonas has offered yet, right?
Gijs is turned on by Isa stalking him. You know, I’ve never just how many kinks the P-Chrises have, like he’s into nerds, being stalked, pretending to be the Eva’s dad/mom/whatever ... he’s just up for anything.
Lucas mentions that Isa has too many new friends, maybe even a new boyfriend, and THAT is some snake-ass shit, planting that seed out there. Even if he’s just talking shit and kidding. He doesn’t know he’ll be kinda right, but man, will Kes remember that when shit hits the fan? Kes seemed so indifferent though, like he’s all “lady friends” and not taking it seriously. 
I WAS FUCKING RIGHT, THEY STEAL HER GODDAMN FRIES. Taking advantage of her distraction while messaging Gijs. 
This is the realest shit though, like nothing Jonas and Isak said about Eva’s involvement in russ compared to this disrespect. Teenage boys are the WORST.
But yeah, there’s not nearly as much putting down of Isa’s friends or activities (since who is gonna be like “it’s so CAPITALISTIC that you want to take a fun trip to a city”?) apart from some passive-aggressiveness about Kes not meeting Isa’s mom and Isa being too popular. Still, it feels less mean, and Isa didn’t seem as attacked. 
Clip 4 - The most important conversation I’ve ever heard
The title of this clip was “full bush baby” and I was like … is that really going to refer to what I think it is? Like either we are talking about a small primate, or someone’s private hedge maze.
I love Janna looking like a hot mess in every scene. Like she literally rolled out of her bed, which is an ostrich nest, and went to school. She’s telling a story about opening a beer in class while Engel looks bothered about something in the background.
OH MY GOD, Engel looks troubled not because of any angsty Noah pining or Imaan drama or any of what you’d expect, but because she shaved her pubic hair and it itches. WE STAN.
…. Is this taking the place of the birth control conversation??? Instead of Engel asking about birth control, she wants the girls to tell her how they remove their pubic hair? 
I am not remotely surprised that Janna is a full bush baby.
Imaan saying she dyes hers red, white, and blue = MY LOVE.
Engel takes that completely seriously judging by her confused little face. Engel’s life is 90% confusion.
Janna says if she waxes, she can wax a lightning bolt. Please be a Harry Potter reference. (You know, I’m sure wizards have hair removal spells and all, but I’m imagining someone being like ACCIO PUBES and ripping out everything at once.)
Engel is nervous about waxing. Oh my God, instead of the nurse, are they going to go for a bikini wax together?????
Isa gets a text. Turns out they’re going to the party! Engel gets excited and starts throwing out outfit possibilities.S he rambles a bit and then Imaan does the “shhh, you talk too much” moment. 
Now it feels a little out of place, because Engel, while not behaving perfectly, has been way less of an ass to Imaan? And I get that this is for Engel’s own preservation, sort of, but they’re not trying to gain social capital at the level that Vilde and Sana were. The OG girl squad wanted to attract cool people to their bus and hook up with popular boys; NL girl squad isn’t concerned with getting cool people on their trip, and while they want to go to parties, they don’t have this firm objective of hooking up with the popular dudes. So the moment seemed a bit out of nowhere. I mean, Engel rambling about her outfits is tedious, but harmless.
Imaan has some gorgeous lashes, by the way.
Clip 5 - This is a very serious show
Oh my God, they DID go for a bikini wax. So is the state of Engel’s pubic hair going to be a plot point? Does she want it to look groomed for him? 
Okay, I’m laughing that Norwegian-style bush is a heart (ALT ER LOVE), French pubes are a mustache, and Dutch hedges are … flames? A flower? A flower for the ladygarden.
THE GRAVE IMPORTANCE OF THIS SCENE. The music and the cherub mural really add to the atmosphere.
Janna talks about an ass wax because of course she does.
I love that you hear a scream from the other room. Perfect.
I laughed out loud that Engel just shakes her head and runs. And that Imaan puts her arms around the girls and eggs them on.
I like Skam to have a plot and all but I would thoroughly enjoy 10 episodes of just random calamities in pubic hair removal.
Clip 6 - Orgy time
OH DAMN, I LOVE
This is my favorite episode 4 (or equivalent) power walk other than the original. I LOVE it. The song choice! The girls look like they’re having a blast. Engel jumping on Liv’s back!!! Imaan yelling in sync with the rooster crying!!! 
ESPECIALLY with the juxtaposition of this badass power walk, the girls getting hyped and feeling cool on the way to the party - because yeahhhh!!!! Young and free, bitches!!!!! - with the pause where they’re actually standing in front of the door, debating over who has to ring the bell. That’s utterly beautiful, I love it. Expectations vs. reality right there. 
Liv being like “It’s open,” lol.
Engel knows Olivia and company, I don’t think they said how?? Because we knew how Vilde knew Ingrid. But I mean, they go to school together, soooo. (Or did Engel get kicked off a city trip group?)
Janna, you promised an orgy, and this is a bunch of teenagers drinking and dancing in a basement. The clothes are most definitely on.
I was spoiled for Janna’s making out with a girl, but I still got hella excited when she and this girl were sticking out their tongues at each other.
Lmao, is Engel rambling about her car malfunctions to Noah? Maybe Imaan was right to shush her.
Also, Engel’s dad is in the picture. Or was, at a certain point.
Okay I don’t know if maybe this is fashionable for Dutch kids, but I love that Noah is wearing this baggy old man shirt. 
And that his kiss with Engel is a little awkward.
Who is this kid. Why is he like this.
Lmao, Liv telling Isa to talk to Gijs about Tallinn so he’ll leave. Does not bode well for their city trip if that’s what she thinks?
WHOOPS, Isa forgot that dinner with Kes was supposed to happen.
Gijs does not know Tallinn is a city, so he’s like, “Who’s Tallinn?” lmao.
JANNA AND THAT GIRL GOING TO TOWN, YESSSSSSSS
So in terms of Skam remake wlw content, I believe we have:
Skam France: Alexia is bi. Of course I appreciate this but they haven’t really spotlighted it outside of like one or two comments, and they don’t really integrate her sexuality into the story or into the dialogue even when it would be relevant (which is a big problem with Skam France as a whole). It’s canon by the actress’ Word of God.
Druck: Mia is bi. In canon she “doesn’t like labels” and is shown to make out with Hanna, though that was for telling off Alexander. Bi by word of God.
Skam Austin: Shay takes Isak’s place in the story, having a crush on Megan which is her character’s motivation. This is the biggest wlw content, clearly, since Shay will hopefully get her own season. The character is a lesbian and her sexuality plays a role in the story, plus I’m pretty sure the actress is a lesbian herself (and is a black lesbian so we have intersectional diversity).
Skam NL: Janna makes out with a girl at a party. HOPEFULLY she isn’t straight and this isn’t just a drunken makeout because girls kissing at a party is hot. I hooooope.
Hmmm, you know what? I actually buy Imaan’s throwing water at Olivia a lot more, because Engel has at least tried to be nice to Imaan. Like I understand that Sana is fiercely loyal and once she’s on your team, she’s with you 110%, so once she’s with the girl squad, she’s ride or die. But assuming Imaan was throwing water at Olivia because Olivia called Engel a slut, I get why. Engel has been awkward and othered Imaan but she’s tried to be nice. (But for Engel, you know she’s going to be like WTF?)
I love this closing song as they run away into the night!
Is it wrong that I kind of like Noah so far? Because I get that he’s likely going to come with all of William’s bullshit, but ... he’s fucking weird, man. 
Episode 5
Clip 1 - Making a family party awkward
Kes’ sister is a cutie!
Oh, I love that we got a little glimpse of his family? His mom, and his grandparents.
This really changes the tone of this scene from the original, because Eva goes over and encounters Jonas when he’s just hanging out with his friends and being passive-aggressive, and it felt like having the boys there made Jonas ramp up his attitude. Kes appears to be relaxed, he’s having a good time with his family. I wonder if these are the actor’s real relatives? The boys look like they could be his brothers.
But Kes does get in a passive-aggressive comment about her friends, and he’s been ignoring her for a few days.
Also, Lucas isn’t part of this moment where they’re ganging up on Isa, when the Isak is typically snickering at what’s happening.
We cut inside where relatives are having a pleasant time while the Youths fight. We don’t hear their argument but I mean, we know what they’re talking about.
Kes is like, “I forgot about the dinner,” as if he’s not upset, which makes Isa storm out, and his family notices that she’s upset.
Isa is out on the street and she once again puts in her earbuds and listens to music to get out her feelings. I like that as a stress release/coping tactic/whatever you want to call it for her.
This is a Sigrid song, by the way! “Strangers,” a totally appropriate song for relationship dysfunction and dismantling the perfect movie romance. Really interesting with Isa’s somewhat romanticized view of love - sometimes you just know, that’s how it’s supposed to be, etc.
Is Kes going to run out after her?
Nope, he doesn’t run after her. Not like in the movies. Isa just does a walk down the street. She’s not happy but it seems like listening to music steadies her a bit and gives her an outlet for her emotions so that she’s not a total mess.
Clip 2 - Engel does not know how the pill works, sigh
The title of this clip was Het is Zover and there was a still of Liv so I was like … are we finally headed down this f/f romcom route? Het is Over? (I know, I know, it has an actual meaning in Dutch.) But it ended up referring to something heterosexual, lmao.
I like Isa’s little toucan key chain.
Isa is not in a good mood, Liv looks fondly at her girl and asks about Kes. Liv knows what’s up with 17-year-old boys.
Engel pops up and says it’s time for her and Noah to go to the bone zone. Isa is like, that was fast. So I guess they are going down this sex storyline; the wax was a fun bonus.
Engel being like “I know It’s Time because I DMed with Noah all weekend and he’s perfect” - God help us.
Engel asks for the pill like she’s asking for ibuprofen, and when she says eh, it’ll be nothing then, Liv is like nuh uh, you’re going to the doctor. Thank you, Liv.
Engel gets them to agree to go by offering a bottle of wine each. When Isa tells Liv that she (Liv) doesn’t even drink, Liv is like, two for you, right? WHOOOOOOA. True love right there.
I had the worst thought and wondered if Engel’s failure to get her pubes waxed is going to lead to Noah making a shit comment about them later, like when Engel confronts him. Because teenage boys think girls should be completely hairless, like porn stars or babies! 
Clip 3 - Isa can’t sleep
Isa is watching a video on her phone when she gets a notification about something her dad posted. It’s a little kid getting a swimming certificate, so I’m guessing that’s her dad’s new family.
Isa gets up to go sit on her mom’s bed. She asks for a foot rub, which her mom gives her, until her mom starts asking about Olivia and Tess. Then the feet come back up to Isa’s chest.
Her mom’s like, I’m just trying to show interest. Isa is probably thinking that’s more than her dad does. She extends a leg again.
Perhaps that’s why Isa opens up to her and tells her she has a boyfriend. When she tells her mom his name is Kes, her mom doesn’t comment on it being Olivia’s boyfriend’s name or anything, so maybe she didn’t know Kes and Olivia dated? 
Isa asks her mom whether she thought she and her dad would be together forever, and then when she change her mind. Isa’s mom says that sometimes things go differently from how you expected. I really like this scene. It goes in with Isa “just knowing” that you’re meant to be with someone, as mentioned in episode 2, and then this reality that crashes in on you. It’s awesome that they tied in these elements of Isa’s absent father and divorced/separated parents, Isa’s relationship with her mom who’s locked out of certain elements in her life, and Isa’s relationship with Kes to the overall idea of being with someone forever. I think Isa questioning the nature and longevity of love could end up being a really satisfying part of her arc. I can’t wait to see the final clip of the season; I hope they modify her speech to Kes so that it fits with all these moments and what she’s learned.
She gets back into bed and apologizes to Kes for being a bitch sometimes, because obviously she doesn’t want their relationship to end, and then stares at the ceiling with that one damn glow in the dark shooting star.
Clip 4 - Doctor visit
The girls go to the doctor with Engel. Liv and Imaan entertain themselves by playing with a model of a torso. Kes and Isa make up via text, he says he loves her even when she’s angry.
I love that Engel looks small in that big chair against the giant window, truly mimicking how overwhelmed she must be feeling.
Where’s Janna? I have to say that I look forward to her reactions on anything vagina-related. 
I guess she had to miss the fun because she had to make up for being late to German, but it’s really cool how Imaan volunteered to join them considering I think the Sanas usually sit this excursion out.
The doctor comes out and IT’S A MAN THIS TIME??? Oh fuck!
I mean I know plenty of women don’t have a problem with a male OB-GYN, but for a girl who’s perhaps afraid to get a bikini wax, I think she would be a little shy about talking about birth control with a dude.
This doc is handsome, not gonna lie. I can’t imagine if that would make it more or less awkward. I do think that it’s less awkward with your friends, so good call, Engel.
The doc is asking Engel some basic questions and Engel answers more confidently than I expected, so good for her. Imaan rats out Engel by saying she’s only known the guy for a week. Well, maybe it’s not the wisest choice, Imaan, but that means Engel should definitely be on birth control!
Liv also shares that Noah sleeps with the whole school, and the doc mentions that the pill only helps with pregnancy, not STDs. Bless him. I mean he’s just doing his job, but bless. This is a good message to include on the show.
OH MY GOD when that doc brought out the dildo for the condom demonstration. He was completely matter-of-fact and professional but geeeeez I would have found this to be the most embarrassing thing at 16.
Clip 5 - CONDOMS, ENGEL, CONDOMS CONDOMS CONDOMS
The girls evaluate condom choices. Strawberry, banana, glow-in-the-dark. Don’t get the banana ones. I love real bananas but artificial banana flavor on anything is a gamble. 
I can’t tell, who said that king-sized wasn’t for Noah? Janna? I want to give her an award.
This clip was so short but I loved it! Just sweet and funny, wonderful girl squad dynamic, adorable.
As an aside, please watch the first 30 seconds of this scene and imagine it with Engel as Rose, Janna as Blanche, and Imaan as Dorothy.
Clip 6 - Engel’s softcore fashion fantasy
Janna has the right idea by blowing up a condom into an elephant trunk.
Janna doesn’t remember anything from her first time. That bit never stops being alarming, tbh.
Janna is also adamant that Noah needs to do his best and make sure Engel has an orgasm. Good job, Janna! That’s something I’ve always wondered with the Williams of the show: do they actually try to make the experience pleasurable for the Vildes? Because Vilde is like, “It was great!” but she’s also speaking from inexperience, and she might just be overcompensating, who knows? I mean, I don’t think she would actually tell the girls if it sucked.
Engel doesn’t know what an orgasm feels like, she doesn’t know how to get wet, she doesn’t want to get horny. Look, everyone should learn at their own pace, but my professional opinion is that this poor girl should take some time on her own before sleeping with a random dude she has known for a week. 
Who hasn’t even arrived on time to get laid. Oh God, please just blow her off completely? Don’t make us and Engel go through this again. Lesser of two evils.
Janna eats a banana. I just wanted to write that.
Liv is there to administer horny-making fantasies to Engel. Lmao, Isa had to get up off her chair and go sit on the bed next to Liv while Liv is talking dirty. I wonder why….
Ohhhh my God. This fantasy of Engel’s? WOW. It is really not “allowed” within the Skam format but honestly, fuck it, this is too weird not to appreciate. This is some ’90s music video realness, I expected 98 Degrees to walk out. Except it mostly focuses on Engel’s attire and makeup and hair, so maybe it’s more like a perfume ad?
Lmao, Engel getting turned on by herself more than Noah really stands out when you see the visual.
Janna tells the anecdote about getting turned on by donkeys, but it was supposedly just a whole other village that had the donkey kink rather than her. Bless her.
The girls need to get out because Kes is supposed to arrive, but of course, when Isa opens the front door, it’s Noah, come for his booty call. Isa’s mom is really cute in how she’s excited to see “Kes.”
Engel is? “Not my girlfriend.” Noah, you dumb fuck. Why do you need to clarify that shit to someone’s mom who you’re only going to know for like two seconds?
I mean, it’s foreshadowing as to Noah’s fuckboy ways, and that Engel will get her heart broken, but duuuuude quell your ass down.
Isa is like, nah mom, those girls tripping on the stairs and babbling weren’t drunk! Lol, sure.
When Isa calls Kes, it absolutely sounds like he was at a party with the level of background chatter. You hear Olivia’s voice clearly but they’re definitely surrounded by people.
Of course Kes is not coming, and Isa’s mom overhears enough on the phone conversation to realize. She tells her that they can eat, just the two of them. I really like Isa’s mom, she’s cute.
Great sad closing song.
General Comments/Social Media
Engel stuck Liv’s own song on their Tallinn playlist and Liv’s like, time to delete that! 
I love Janna naming the group chat weird stuff, and everyone acknowledging that group chat names are never normal.
This remake makes my heart so warm! The girl squad is so lovely and fun. I adored the pubic hair side plot, lmao, and the twists on the doctor visit and the condom retrieval. Little moments like that with the girls have made the dynamic so entertaining.
As for the boys, I think Lucas is a fantastic Isak. Kes has his typical Jonas S1 dickhead moments, but he’s also got charm, and God help me but I am enjoying Noah’s whatever-the-fuck-ness. Like I’m aware he’s going to be a creep, but currently I like taking the piss out of him and his wardrobe and attitude. 
As I mentioned previously, I think they’re doing some great moments with Isa’s character arc and tying in her family issues to her relationship issues, and having her talk about love or question love in the abstract. 
I am not Dutch, so feel free to correct me if I missed anything.
If you got this far, thank you for reading!
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tangledfan · 7 years
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70 horrible questions … I’m bored and my tumblr messages won’t work
01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Not at all, unfortunately.. I always wanted a healthy relationship with them. Things haven’t worked out but I’m ok about it now
02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? My best friends… Rosie and Rosie ahha. One is my cat and the other is a human being haha!!
03: Do you regret anything? I have a lot of regrets, I think regret is one of the worst feelings but.. I guess I wouldn’t be exactly what I am now without those choices I made back then- good and bad.
04: Are you insecure? I have my days if I’m honest.. but I’d say I love my mind and I love my personality and there are times I question my physical beauty but that’s nothing to do with me, that’s what society tries to push as beautiful. As a whole I love myself and you should love yourself too and give yourself what you deserve..
05: What is your relationship status? Relationship?? What is that??
06: How do you want to die? Oh wow, dramatically where no one else is hurt lmfao. If I’m going to be remembered let it be from choking on a sandwich.
07: What did you last eat? Rice and a cookie🔥😂
08: Played any sports? OMG a few years back I literally played every sport under the sun, Football, netball, rounders, tennis, athletics, dance, swimming, baseball, rugby… but yknow life hit love and then I died
09: Do you bite your nails? No I don’t! When I was 13 I did kind of but I mean I don’t ever do it now
10: When was your last physical fight? I don’t do physical fights but 6 years ago lol (me and my sister were arguing over food I think)
11: Do you like someone? Ugh… I don’t even really know what it feels like to like someone.. No one sticks around long enough for me to develop emotional and mental connection (For me that’s so important)
12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? Oh my gawd yes and you know what? I’m either really hyper because I’m so tired or I’m the biggest bore ever, there is no middle.
13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? All I’m going to say is.. this person is trash who shits on good people because they are bored with their own life. SORRY BUT I HATE BULLYING IN ANY FORM. Do I hate her? I don’t know.. do I have little respect for her? Yes.
14: Do you miss someone? I miss a lot of people, for different reasons. I miss my childhood best friend. I miss my all my ex’s who decided it wasn’t worth being friends with me.. do you know why? Because these people shaped me, I still think they are good people. I’d still invest time into them. I don’t just miss the memories, I miss the friendship.
15: Have any pets? A few! But only 3 that I could truly class as my pets, my best friends. Smokey my hamster (I miss you buddy, I miss carrying you on my shoulder and sharing cucumber with you while I watched Lizzie McGuire. I will always love you, you made me such a happy 10 year old, you were my first proper pet and I just loved you so much, you were my best friend and I was so weird with you) Spot my rabbit (ah you were so fluffy and cute and so bad, like you broke everyone’s things because I REFUSED to put you in a cage lol. I liked having you hop around and be a asshole to everyone but you were only ever nice to me. I love you and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you when you needed me, I regretted going to school that day, I came home and cried.. I didn’t know what death meant until then) Lastly Rosie… wow you are my child. I would protect you from everything and anything. I look at you and want to cry sometimes because your eyes are so expressive. You don’t need to talk because I feel you bro, I feel your presence and you know exactly when I need to have you around. When I can’t sleep in the night and you make sure I can hear you purring. I have spent the last 3 years revolving my life for you and everyone thinks I’m crazy mad for loving you so much because you are unfriendly- truth is, you are just friendly with me haha, I like the loyalty in you cat.. even when I don’t feed you, I’m still your mom. You came in my life just when I needed you and honestly it wasn’t a coincidence how I got you. You fixed a part in me that was slowly dying, my will to carry on.. it was nice to speak to someone who wouldn’t just tell me to “stop being silly” partly cause you couldn’t communicate with me 😉 but y'know you are my absolute best friend, I love you more than I ever have any human, no one comes close and thank you for helping my get back on the right path through my mental health and my bad habits.. knowing I had you to look after made me stop being selfish. (I had to write this shit out because I really love my animals deeply, they have been there for me when humans couldn’t.)
16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? Lucky, passionate and yet somewhat disappointed.
17: Ever made out in the bathroom? It was the best kiss I have ever had. Fire works. It was the kiss that mattered but didn’t last lmfao and it happened in a fucking bathroom and I’m so pressed over that 😂
18: Are you scared of spiders? I’m sorry for being scared of you spiders but I’d never hurt you
19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? YES!! I want to look into history but also my own history. I want to maybe see myself from a distant.. to know what others see.
20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? In the middle of no where while the moon was high in the sky and your dimples were just about visible and I knew I had to kiss you then as you passionately spoke about music. You were such a puppy, man it was a good time but we are just friends now.
21: What are your plans for this weekend? Record- hopefully! Going to spend time with my best friend and her girlfriend yay! (Mom and dad TBH) Maybe if I have time I’ll do some writing and reading :)
22: Do you want to have kids? How many? It depends on my resources! I find it hard to share love out equally though and I wouldn’t want anyone I love to think I love one more than the other due to the attention I give. I’m game for however many. I have no set amount.. I kind of want a big family. I want to adopt as well! If the feelings right and mutual.
23: Do you have piercings? How many? Just ear piercings! Used to have my lips and nose done.. that being said I want my nose ring back but it’s difficult I want to work at Disneyland and I hate taking out studs and nose rings.
24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? Drama, music, English, Art, Maths, History and PE!
25: Do you miss anyone from your past? Practically everyone. I have at least one thought of you a day.
26: What are you craving right now? Chocolate anything😍
27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? unfortunately yes.. but we are all very good friends now, in fact we are soulmates but in the platonic sense.
28: Have you ever been cheated on? Yes but it’s ok, we are soooo past that. I made terrible mistakes to begin with. Having gone through that.. I now realise how damaging cheating truly is haha! I needed it however to know what it felt like and how bad it truly was. Just because I don’t feel as deeply as the other doesn’t mean I should be irresponsible with someone’s feelings.
29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Good and bad tears, for all my past lovers that I hurt, I’m awful sorry, I was childish and unready to fully open up.
30: What’s irritating you right now? My eagerness to explore the past… I should leave it there and focus on the future. TRUMP. BREXIT. Dramatic fandoms.. it was fine to a certain point until y'all say horrible shit about eachother and drag down other humans who btw have feelings regardless of how many people look up to them, your comments still fucking hurt.
31: Does somebody love you? Yes someone loves me
32: What is your favourite color? I love all colours but dark purple and baby blue, pink and the shade black 😂
33: Do you have trust issues? I wish I didn’t but yes… It’s quite bad.
34: Who/what was your last dream about? Weird dream but I fell asleep reading a fan fic so it was to do with that. Gotta love the fluffy cuteness.
35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? Myself, I like to watch myself cry in the mirror lol (don’t ask me why, I’m a freak lol)
36: Do you give out second chances too easily? Those that know me think I do because I’m civil and don’t like to argue but nah, trust issues. I hate that about myself.
37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? Forgive. I forget nothing.
38: Is this year the best year of your life? No.
39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 6? Maybe 7? Proper kiss however was at 10!
40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? Yes and it was liberating
51: Favourite food? Mmmm… that’s so hard😔😭 I love all food if I’m honest. I do love the taste of delusions tho lmfao #Camren
52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Mmmm… not everything but in a way sometimes….I guess yes.
53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Read a book and cuddled with Rosie (my equal, my baby cattttt).❤️
54: Is cheating ever okay? No. I’ve made mistakes and it’s not worth it hurting someone like that EVER.
55: Are you mean? Honestly I’d say I’m the complete opposite of mean.
56: How many people have you fist fought? Two, I don’t promote violence lol but yeah that happened (with siblings)
57: Do you believe in true love? Yes. I absolutely believe in true love but you have to accept the idea of it and be ready for it. Both of you do.
58: Favourite weather? I like all weather rain, sun, wind… but of lately I’ve just loved walking in the rain.
59: Do you like the snow? I love the snow!!! When the snow is fresh and everything looks beautiful and new.
60: Do you wanna get married? Eventually, yes. Once I know.. it will be magical and painful but worth it.
61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? I don’t mind it :)
62: What makes you happy? Freedom, laughter, kindness, deep conversations, music… passion.
63: Would you change your name? Yes, yes, yes.
64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? No they have soft lips and we are good friends, affection is best haha!
65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I’d make sure they were OK and make them see that our friendship is worth more than a relationship between us could ever be.. plus I’m 99.9% gay
66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? Most of them :) I have a different array of personalities depending on the person and situation, I have 1 friend however who knows everything about me and she is my soulmate in every single way. I love her just as deeply as I love my cat. I’d do almost anything for them.
67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? Dave who is saved as “caMEEEEELAAA” on my phone lmfao, I love when he rings me because it’s like “Camila is calling you” and I’m like “AYYYEEE SON DAMM RIGHT SHE IS”
68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Lauren’s lover @goodgirlsbettergetbad (p.s thanks for the kind words.. I needed them💜) and my best friend Rosie who lives miles away😭 which by the way really freaking sucks, it's hard when we both work to get a hold of one another but I never fear for our friendship, she'll always be in my life plus we had a wonderful talk last night, voice of reason always. Also another best friend of mine @let-me-make-this-queer thank you for being there. Thank you for letting me annoyingly hug you all the time! @invisibleandmagicaalthank you for just being so kind and messaging me while I was sad and listening to me in the nights!
69: Do you believe in soulmates? Oh my goodness yes. I think you have more than 1 soulmate and I don’t always think it’s romantic btw. It’s beautiful when you click mentally and emotionally with someone it can be platonic but it’s a great feeling. Twin flames tho…. ah my heart races.
70: Is there anyone you would die for? Yes. I’d die for most, it depends on circumstance.
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thebottomoftheapple · 5 years
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The Comeback Kid
HELLO... It’s.Been.AGES.
I owe myself a hugeeee apology for not writing since mid 2017. The Year is now 2019 WOW. Kinda unreal, kinda exciting since welp 2018 was nottttt itttttt. BUT before we go let me recap– as much as I can– of where I left off.
Shortly after my last post (finishing off junior year) I went to Altanta (Suwanne) to stay with Tio Edwin + family WHILE I interned with Resolve Media Group ❤️❤️and it was honestly one of the most amazing yet ordinary taste of adulthood to this day! I first work on the LifeTime movie (Oscar Pistorious) for the first month which was a great learning experience and met some great people. After that, I worked more at Resolve and the amazing Chad, Will, and even Mac. And ofc Jay and Summer! I was an Office PA, Overall Set PA, and Art PA. And honestly though the hours were sometimes unbearably long, I was happy! I was in a grove, I enjoyed getting up and going to working and driving hours through Atlanta traffic everyday. I’m pretty sure I was at my lowest weight at the end of that summer and tan(ish) ugh I miss it a lot. BUT, God willing, I may be back there soon enough, doing what I love! Ahh and after I came back to NY, I went right to another one of my favorite places LONDON💙💙 
London and abroad was something else and there’s no way I could write it all down but the best and worst of those memories I’ll never forget. From LIVING in a London flat to seeing my Dad in Barcelona, running away from the Florence police, looking for my phone off the train tracks of Italian campos, trying my first (and still only) gyro in Greece, birthday peeing in the streets of Budapest, living one of my absolute favorite fairytale lives in Amsterdam, and playing house and thinking I found the love of my life off a foreign tindr swipe 😂. Abroad was truly an amazing experience and I can’t wait to (because I definitely will!) go back for more adventures!
I came back to NY at the end of 2017... with a boyfriend lmao. Well at the time I would have been soooo gee and happy, I really thought I was part of that statistic of people who come back from abroad in a long distance relationship lol.... and then eventually go back and live happily ever after. But nope that didn’t happen but absolutely for the best. But i was really happy and you could tell, I just felt lighter and less mentally/emotionally strained like I had been with previous lovers. WHICH!! is so bad because I feel like that means I put too much emphasis on having romantic relationships in my life. But I think the switch was so different because I had been dealing with BS for so long... Nabil treated me better than anyone, spoiled me tbh, but also gave me more attention and affection than anyone had before... definitely the funnest sex lol, humor, music, and real conversation about real things... which also turned out to be the core of why he was definitely not the one aha... But back to emphasizing relationship, that’s really evident now especially because I haven’t dealt with anyone for almost a year but if I’m being honest it’s actually like 6 months (the devil never stops working haha), which is still long for me and honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way because my life right now has no room for any of that–literally. So that’s been fine... that was a secondary concern, ya know a lil heartbreak but a lot of more lessons learned about myself. And now I’m so used to not dealing with anything of that nature all together that it’s definitely not a priority coming into 2019. (OFC I get in my bag sometimes, think about an old ting, but none of that was ever going to be what I wanted it to)
Thank U, Next! lol no but to get into my biggest concerns this past year, has been about me. Specifically my future/career and what steps to take because now I absolutely have control on what’s next. Oh yeah I graduated college btw, which is the reason why I was (am) so lost because it’s not school! I mean it could be, but I really don’t think it’s necessary. That weighed on me heavy throughout the summer because I did eventually get an internship at NowThis Media, which is where I’m still freelancing at now, but I knew that wasn’t what I wanted to be doing long-term. Lmao yet here I am 🤦‍♀️but no honestly it’s not terrible, it’s great experience/for my resume and money is good enough for someone saving and not paying real bills rn (shoutout to my amazing mother 😭). I have a better plan now but things could change maybe if the position/MONEY is right but we’ll see. The plan is to go back to Atlanta, stay with family again, and see if it’s possible to do what I love and make a living out of it and officially move there. And to do that by the summer I need to start planning now but I’m trying to time everything out. SO there’s that.. I’m praying for the best 🙏🙏🙏
Last but not least, ME, mentally, physically, spiritually ME. Honestly coming out of the great year that was 2017 I thought I was on such a great path and I was but things happen aha... it wasn’t until after graduation that I started to get really sad because of of the whole ‘what am I going to do/what’s my calling’ but I thought it was pretty normal because it is for a lot of people. But I underestimated that sadness because it definitely got worse going into the Fall. I mean not 100% unbearable sadness like 2015 💆Thank God. But I had my moments, like just feeling lost and out of place, not enjoying my daily routine (inc. work, social media), car L’s of course 🙄, friendship tribulations, and just unfortunate events that have messed with my spirit and energy. 
BUT! definitely some good outcomes... health wise: I joined a gym! and have gone at least 1-4 times a week ever since so that’s really good. An interesting/sus older man once told me to invest in yourself and I def have lol. Started being in control/paying for more ‘big girl things’ you could say. Learned to leave some things alone that needed to be left. Got closer to some of the more important people in my life. Went out a little more I think, which is deb(t)atably a good thing. A lots more reflection, which I think is where I’ve been lacking because I stopped writing and sorta lost a little sense of self. And I think I did embark on the self-love journey and work on my confidence and speaking up but I think I approached that as my main issues. And yes those are some but I believe I overlooked some other character issues. I was too focused on speaking up and being more out there but sometimes that gets me into worse situations. Sure, I need to speak out more but also I need to be more mindful about what I say and also about what and how much I share with people who are honestly not good for me and my inner peace. It’s a hard balance but that is something I’ll be tackling from now on. And learning it’s ok! to remove myself and not explain doing things that are good for me ( but also knowing when to let go of my pride sometimes). It’s all a balance that I have yet to master but I at least I am aware of it now. Following my gut and making sure internally that I’m good will be a good goal for the year. 
So I guess I’m into goals now 🤗
- Use social media less, way less! I really think this is the source of some of my lost feeling because of the undeniable idea of comparison and blah blah but yeah I feel like I could be doing much more healthier things like reading again!
- Keep up my gym life, and try to do better when it comes to eating too.
-Really try out this Atlanta thing because it’s honestly very accessible and worth the try especially at 22, this is my time to following my dreams and take risks and be afraid but also be brave because my happiness short-term/long-term actually depends on it!
- The last big thing is really that inner peace thing, trusting my gut, being a better me and not something that isn’t me. Addressing my ‘toxicity’ and flaws to be a happier and healthier spirit. 
- Oh and go out less meaning like lituations because honestly clubs, lounges, party functions are really not for me and I’ve accepted that but I think once I  get my life together I will easily avoid those situations bc the fomo/desire to be with the people I care for really be putting me in situations I don’t enjoy lmao wasting so much money, when I can be with them and have fun in actually fun events. 
- And write more duh!
Okay 🙂I think this post is long enough. A good ‘last time in Kiara’s life’ recap of the last ~18months. This is a good start to getting back to a healthier but even better me. I should also start writing down and keeping track of some of my goals. Hopefully through writing here but regardless still writing because I do believe this is a worthwhile, therapeutic outlet. 
SO HERE’S TO 2019 🥂
A prosperous and happy life-changing year! I know big things things are coming. Having patience and facing my fears are really my determining factors of what the year will bring but I know can overcome them. 
Until next time, which will be soon I promise!
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