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matashaw · 8 months

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JUDGING YOU BRUTALLY BASED ON YOUR SUPA STRIKAS FAVOURITE CHARACTER

(this is obvi a joke, dont take it seriously pls.....)

Are you fucking serious rn? Fucking Shakes???? You're basic as fuck and have no taste in men. Also you are 100% straight, and probs have "nor/mal" in your bio

No Timmy, you're not irl El Matador, grow up

And you either are super homophobic or super gay

.....wow?

Are you ok??? Do you need help???

You're racist

You're gay + a furry

And you probs have a bodypillow of him

I hope you explode

Also you're def white

You're american.

Stop listening to taylor Swift and go to therapy

+ you have daddy issues

.....are you fucking serious?

You have a piss kink

You had an e-girl/boy phase

Go to therapy

+you probs bit someone in school

Jumpscare warning

You scare me

+You had a yaoi uwu phase

you have a femboy fetish

+you're NOT straight

You're bald

+you probs dont even know how to swim

+you have a feet fetish

.....omg?

Are you real? Do yall really exist?

If yall do, go outside pls

What?

You're a mexican divorced old man w kids

You're an obese dorito kid

......you play fornite

You're poor and have no house

Your name is Gas

Gay gay homosexual gay

You make fart jokes

You have no friendos

You probs bite your own toe nails

"erm... Actually....🤓☝️"

You scare me

Please stop hiding under my bed

If your fav character wasnt here im not sorry,

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blood-choke · 2 months

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Hi, I have a question about mc

So, I’m still in the beginning part of chapter two (mostly because I keep pausing to read other variations of my options I choose instead of just playing the game uninterrupted lol); and I was just wondering about some things.

I’ve gone through most asks on her about V and the way she treats mc when mc doesn’t go her way and I sort of understand her aggressiveness though it’s still triggering as I’ve not really seen the good parts, cuz my mc doesn’t trust her and finds her secretive nature suspicious; but I wonder like, was mc a bad person before entombment?

Like obvi everyone isn’t black and white and has grey areas in personality, but in the beginning Val just seems so triggered (?) that mc is alive again and here again with her. She only seems chill when you pick options that align with what she wants, but outside that, she seems truly disturbed like she needs to take a breather or sth.

This also came to mind cuz of how Hana talks about us TO us. Like saying how she expected us to not be like Val and her seeming disappointed that we were similar to Val, in that scene were we discover phones for the first time. Like, is that just cuz of the choice that prompted her jealousy, or is that because of how mc was a person before?

I hope I constructed those questions well lol, but it just makes me wonder if certain ways they react towards the mc are just cuz of how they are a people or cuz of how mc was as a person. Cuz it seems like she and Val had a pretty turbulent relationship; was that due to their personalities or the times they were in? I feel like that’ll be answered as the story goes on, but yeah; I do wonder if mc’s previous personality majorly influences how H and V act towards us.

this is not solely directed at you anon but i have gotten a lot of asks that essentially boil down to "who is the Correct one in this situation" and i've been kinda vague or ignoring the messages because it goes against the whole point of the story, but i've received enough questions like this i'm just going to do a blanket response to explain what my intention is with writing this and why there will be no straight answers to most of these questions.

i'll put it under a cut because it's going to be long (and i guess if you want to avoid potential spoilers). i'm not going to get into details, mainly just the overarching themes that i'm trying to communicate through the narrative and with characters like the mc and Valentina.

first, to start, let me talk about Valentina:

Valentina is written in a very intentional way. she is meant to be erratic and hypocritical and not very nice. she is hundreds of years old, and at this point nearly the entire last century of her life was spent in a controlling, abusive relationship. she is going to be both defensive and aggressive because she's still in a lot of pain and struggling to work through it. she has trust issues, she thinks everyone is using her for her money, she is very paranoid and sensitive. she, as the kids say, needs therapy. this does not absolve her of her poor treatment of Hana and the mc currently, but i hope this explains it better. she is meant to be a polarizing and challenging character.

i've said a few times now that you are never going to know who is telling the truth about Standard, you're never going to get a moment in game where it tells you exactly who is Right or Wrong. i've written Valentina the way i have because yes, you are supposed to doubt her, but also i'm a bit astounded by how many people seem to just have no sympathy for her at all (again not directed at you anon but just in general.) while you're never going to know if it was her idea or not, if she chose Standard or not, or even really know what happened between her and Julien, the indisputable facts are that she, as a lesbian, had to marry a man out of desperation and was forced to be his wife and daughter for nearly 90 years. she is not going to be well adjusted after this. she is not going to want to talk about this. she has valid reasons for being reluctant to share the horrible things that happened to her, as well as being a little suspicious.

she is a tragic character. she is the antithesis of the "perfect victim." we will get to have a bit of a "confrontation" with her at the start of the next chapter, and i'm hopeful that this will get across exactly why Valentina is the way she is in the text.

as for her relationship with mc, it has always been a bit intense, but they did love each other genuinely before. it's why mc did what they did to end up entombed in the first place. i would blame a lot of the problems of their relationship previously on the time period they were in. it wasn't easy for either of them. like i said before, being a vampire was not a get out of jail free card. it's been hinted at but mc and Valentina were living in poor conditions until the 1910s, where they finally started getting a foothold, by trapping and killing men and with mc themself dressing up as a man. but then what happened, happened, and mc was entombed in the 1920s.

was mc a bad person? i mean they very much did murder people along with Valentina. it's up to you how you feel about that. she murders people now in the demo. she's a vampire, she doesn't really have the same ethics as we do. was she bad to Valentina? sometimes. Valentina was bad to her, too. were they "toxic"? maybe. mc doesn't remember, and honestly Valentina doesn't remember that much either.

the mc waking up with no memory, while a convenient plot device in an IF game like this, was also done intentionally. you're never going to know if the mc was really a "bad person" though playing through you can probably feel that the mc does suspect that they were - is it true, or is this an insecurity around their butchness, a fear of her own masculinity? we don't know. part of the narrative is the mc reconciling this fact, as well as understanding that either way they can choose to be better - she's been given a second chance. she does not have to be a certain way because of who she is - the parallels being drawn between her and Standard are there to acknowledge this negative view of butches as just "men lite" as well as this bioessentialist idea that masculinity = bad. but just because the mc is butch does not mean she will end up like Standard or Atlas or Julien. and those three aren't bad just because they're men, they're bad because they choose to be bad and abuse their power over marginalized people. this is something that will be expanded upon as the story progresses and mc gets more comfortable in their identity and we see more of the council, particularly Sasha and Cassius.

and now with Hana, she's never met the mc before, so she kind of has this preconceived idea of her, and you do get that comment both because she's a bit jealous but also because she's afraid of the mc's jealousy. if you're at the start of ch2 you may have not had the conversation with Hana yet, but her irritation comes from the fear that you will get jealous of her and want to shove her out, despite her close relationship with Valentina, and this being her home, too. she assumes you're asking because you're trying to "sus her out" and decide whether you're going to align as friends or enemies. she says you're like Valentina in that regard because, like we touched on, Valentina is very paranoid and jealous.

to be clear i do understand the game is early on, we're only on ch3, so i don't expect readers to be able to magically intuit exactly what i'm writing (some of the stuff about mc is impossible to know at this stage). but i cannot stress enough that everyone in this story can be considered "bad" in some way, and you're not going to get a eureka moment where everything is clarified. it's meant to be messy and confusing. i'm never going to outright say "this character is the One True Villain, and this character is the Righteous one." hopefully this does clear a few things up, though, and better helps you (and everyone else that has been asking) understand what's going on, and what the deal is with both the mc and Valentina.

#again sorry anon this is not like personally directed at you im just using ur ask as an example #i hope ur enjoying exploring all the variations :-)#and i do hope this helps you understand; we will get 'softer' scenes with Valentina eventually #mc #valentina #ask #anonymous

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closurechilde · 7 months

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Something about him...

Inspired by "El amor de mi vida" by the Argentinian queen, Maria Becerra ft. Los Angeles Azules.

"Que yo ya estoy lista para amarte, sin olvidarme de mí"

[Translation: I'm ready to love you without forgetting about me.]

Cw: f.reader (I'm not sure about this one but I put it because he calls u "belladonna" once.) THERAPY (go see a therapist y'all, tumblr isn't free therapy.) Abusive relationship (not from Dazai obvi)

There's something about him...

That even during his gloomy days, he could light up your whole world.

When he appeared in the office suspiciously calm before flopping himself on his chair and roll with it to your desk to lean his head on your shoulder to 'recharge his batteries.'

At first, you were reluctant to his touch. Recently out of an abusive relationship has made you fear that this would end the same way, even as a friendship.

Dazai, as the perceptive detective he is, got the hint as soon as he felt you shiver when he put his hands on your shoulders and your breath hitched.

Soon enough, he started to make his way to your heart without you even noticing; brushing your hands until you intertwined your fingers with his hand, making you twirl around the office when you two were alone and making you laugh, and 'accidentally' making you bump against his chest until you started hugging him. First in secluded areas and then in front of the other members.

There's something about him...

That makes you wanna talk about it.

After years of not going, you gather up the courage to make an appointment with your long-term therapist.

She listens to you talk about how your life was during the years she missed of it.

"This Dazai you're talking about seems like a really nice guy, sweetie." She says. "Why don't you go on a date with him?"

"A-a date? I-I can't go on a date with him." You chuckle, nervously. The word 'date' makes you feel a pain in your chest.

"Oh? Why's that?" She asks as she sees you move your leg anxiously. "Does he have a girlfriend or a boyfriend?"

"No, not at all." You answer, looking down. "It's just that... I'm scared, you know? Like, my ex was also a nice guy at first and look how it ended."

"Yeah, but your ex never needed to gain your confidence." She explains. "Your ex never needed to do what Dazai's does. Sweetheart, as far as I'm aware, Dazai made everything within his power for you to be comfortable around him, giving you your space and time for you to get closer."

She's right, you think. Dazai was never obligated to do it. Atsushi and the president were the first ones to approach and you thought that they would be the only one to do so.

But then Kunikida did, and Dazai, and Ranpo, and Tanizaki, and Naomi, and Kyoka.

He never needed to do so. The whole office looked after you, but he was there at your lowest.

There's something about him...

That draws you close to him.

When your ex appeared again at your front door, he never hesitated to stay throughout the night.

"How did he even find my address? I've blocked him from everywhere, even texts!" You say as he fans you with a magazine he found nearby to try and keep you breathing in the middle of your panic attack.

"I don't know, but I can stay here if you want to." Dazai offers.

You let him and he gets himself comfortable in the sofa-bed that you have while you sleep in your bed, but something makes you want to sleep near him, feeling more than secure with him by your side.

You can't hide the blush that creeps into your cheeks when you wake up and find yourself curled into his chest and him with a wide smile, chuckling.

"Did someone miss me that much during the night, belladonna?~" He teases and you push his face playfully.

"Shut up, I was just cold." You say, getting up from the sofa to do breakfast.

For the first time in a while, breakfast was actually nice (even if it was a bit burnt).

There's something about him...

That surprises you when you say your feelings to each other.

You two were at your and basically his by how much time he spends there house, cooking together when you two suddenly say "I love you" at the same time.

He looks at you.

You look at him.

And simply laugh before you two hug tightly.

"I don't wanna push you to do this. You can take your time if you need to-" you cut him off with a kiss, giggling at his dumbfounded expression once you pull back.

"I think I'm ready... only if you want to."

The smirk on his face was everything you needed to know you'll be more than okay.

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd dazai #dazai x reader #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs dazai #bungo stray dogs fluff

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maitaiwiththecorpses · 9 months

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That Time Mat Went Batshit (Pt. 6/???)

So, idk if I've ever mentioned this, but I have kids. Like, little kids who look up to me and I make sure to check in with every day. They're my babies. And I need to do a character profiling exercise, so I'm going to introduce you to them in the most batshit way possible! (I will not be using their real names, obvi, but enjoy!)

Griffin:

shitposts in the group chat all the time

does not know the difference between a controversial joke and an unacceptable joke.

has???? a minimal???? amount of rizz????

knows everyone's secrets

can be wise when he doesn't wanna be an ass

the best techie EVER

The Jalapeño:

bby bisexual

addicted to Warhammer and Zelda

watches too much anime

forgets drink water

DnD DM

so. many. allergies. It's so fucking hard to feed him.

misled from time to time (reddit is his news source so we've had to have talks about what's fake news and real news)

is a gentleman (will give u his sweater if u accidentally bled thru ur pants no questions asked)

Stylish Arguer:

forgets she's desi all the time

too much tik tok

hot cheeto girl /pos

Gets into stupid arguments that I have to defuse 24/7

wears flared yoga pants >>>>>:\

the BEST hair of all time

so so good at basketball

Am I Your One And Only:

Will scream at you from backstage bc you're being a dinkwad

sexually frustrated lesbian

so many younger sisters

probably has committed a homicide

volleyball girl

wears slides everywhere (?????????)

Sam I Am:

OH MY GOD IF I HAD TO BE WORRIED ABOUT ONLY ONE OF MY KIDDOS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE IT WOULD BE HIM

depressed

needs therapy desperately

misinformed (reddit and twitter are his sources)

bitter at the world and needs reminders that sexism is still real

actually such a nice person tho

dyes hair, shaves hair

carries a suit in his backpack all the time

Abraham Lincoln:

has a dog :D

my og kiddo #1

NOT my fav tho (or maybe he is... we'll never know)

always gives me his ramen

is a gentleman (will give u sweater if u bled thru ur pants... but he'd ask so many questions and when he finds out... so embarrassed)

despite being uncomfortable about puberty, learns everything he can for his baby sister

baseball boy

mini golfs so much

can be a bit of an icarus (aka: jackass) from time to time. But if u yell at him about it, he will cry. So. Find a new way to tell him he needs to cool it.

smort boi

MENDOZA, IN MY OFFICE:

so much character growth from him!!!!

my og kiddo #2

NOt mY FaVoURITE i SWEAR-!!!!1!!

always lets me take his hat (it's his hat in my pfp!!!!!!!!)

learned how to be an intersectional feminist over night for reasons that will be disclosed later on

also baseball boy

bffs w abe link ^^^^^^

has minimal rizz, still pulls

mischievous

finds pics of me and my worst enemy and photoshops hearts onto them

steals my food. Easy to feed.

anxious

asks a lot of questions abt sex. I'm happy to answer, but really HOW MUCH does he need to KNOW??????

Mini Me But Not Quite:

got louder over the course of eight months

big hamilton, heathers, beetlejuice, in the heights, [insert every musical here] fan

BANGER music taste

LOVES percy jackson, heartstopper, the owl house, amphibia [insert all quality media types here]

another bby bisexual

is the reason MENDOZA, GET IN MY OFFICE became an intersectional feminist overnight (that night was the night they started dating)

material GoWrl

is totally not my favorite

NPC:

blonde.

an amazing singing voice

came out of her shell bc of me??????????? T.T

does fortnite and tik tok dances all the time

gets into some dumb arguments

shit talks everyone

so kind

works so damn hard and she KNOWS it

not innocent.

fav Lover song is Paper Rings :D

Ham Boi:

doesn't understand hamilton refs despite being a hamilton

so dumb

Is The Jalapeño's bff

easy to feed

thinks you need to be 'one of the guys' to play DnD

knows what a chancla is (now.....)

is the baby of the group

needs positive reinforcement 24/7

LIGHT:

got drama

quiet

so fucking loud after she met me

judges everyone.

has a good sense of Girl Code

SO stylish. My girl will coordinate her skirt, her hijab, and her JACKET in the same color family and show up to school lookin FLAWLESSS

thinks that I am a replacement for health class (I am)

makes such amazing art it makes me cry

writes so well and works so hard

I won't even deny she's up there with the favorites.

BASICALLY, THEY ALL MAKE ME FEEL OLD

(i beg u to look at the tags. they're so fucking random)

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toointojoelmiller · 6 months

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Personal (tw: everything lol don’t read seriously this is an emo self indulgent trauma dump bummer I just need to vent)

Also this has nothing at all to do with Joel so I’m doing tiny font

Since February / March I've been stuck in the worst depressive episode of my life. I'm so fucking crazy and it feels like I’m not getting better. Probably have been low key dissociating for at least half of the time. Started a new antidepressant in April and had a lot of hope for it because when I started escitalopram when I was 24 I had the best response and literally a very fun and nice and pleasant several years. DIdn't last though, unfortunately, and this newest one hasn't really helped me that much other than letting me get out of bed in the morning and I feel so insanely stuck.

I worry sometimes that I have fully snapped this year. My brain just doesn't feel like it used to and I barely recognize myself sometimes. I've isolated myself so much from family and friends. Sometimes even from my boyfriend (we literally own a house together aka I have been isolating myself to like, my office and bed).

I lost a pregnancy and it completely broke me, I feel like I've been permanently shattered by it, and I don't see the world the same way anymore. It’s truly like part of me died. And now it is legit so painful for me to be around babies and kids. And that is especially hard at this age because there is pregnancy and baby news literally every fucking day.

And there is so much fucked up background trauma I’m struggling with. Since 2019 four of my former patients who I worked with when they were teeangers have died terribly between the ages of 19 and 21. I have nightmares about it, see them in my sleep all of the time. Plus numerous of the adult patients I have bonded with over the years have died recently, mostly in extremely upsetting ways. Sometimes it feels like working in the mental health & addictions space has destroyed my soul. And before that I did palliative nursing and watching people die scarred me so much. I am way too sensitive of a person for this sort of work but financially walking away is impossible right now. I wish I never went into nursing. And yeah I’ve done lots of trauma therapy.

It's so upsetting for me being in my thirties and struggling like this. Worse than ever. When I was a mentally ill little teen I would tell myself things would get better with time and it feels like that being true is getting more and more far fetched.

The other thing about getting older obvi is so many loved ones getting diagnosed with health issues. My dad's Parkinson's diagnosis in 2020 was like a fucking bomb going off for me and it’s progressing fast and sometimes it just hurts to be around him and watch him struggle.

Sometimes I seriously just fucking hate life. I don’t even know why I’m posting this on tumblr of all places lol but I feel like I have absolutely no one to vent to so I guess that’s why.

#personal

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welcome-to-oslov · 3 months

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What does Tilrey find most healing, later in life?

I still like the idea of an autobiography or Tangle novel 🥹 I liked the times he stood up for himself with Councillors: "Stop reminiscing about me like that in Chambers."

The convo he finally had with his Mom in the cell Thurskein was a good start, but seems like there were still so many setbacks in his mid-late 20s/early 30s that I'm not sure he was doing much healing, more just adjusting/surviving/figuring things out.

It is 🥺❤️‍🩹 to see some of the sex he has that's clearly working through stuff: Davita, the dude at the dorms, etc. He always makes a point to think, THIS time this person is *actually* caring for his safety. This time, HE actually has a say, and he *could* stop them.

To an extent he thinks he's just exploring his sexuality or cutting deals or even punishing himaelf, but truly what he's doing is revealing how terrifyingly unsafe he'd felt during his kettleboy encounters -- his pounding heart would wake him up in nightmares right after, his hands trembling the next morning, his body releasing the extreme stress he'd had to try to clamp down from fully feeling in order to survive in those moments and hours.

Now, he's trying to erase/replace those encounters with similar experiences -- except ones where he can now know he is okay, he's going to be okay.

I guess he never really talks through things all that much; obvi we know now therapy in Oslov sucks. But some of his convos with Gersha or Bror or Artur or Mom or Ceill or even Malsha were maybe helpful?

That’s a good question! In his 30s/40s, I think he’s at his happiest when he, Gersha, and Ceill can just hang in the villa in the Southern Range with Valgund, their houseguest of sorts who never left. They just vibe well together. Valgund spent years in moral rehab, so he also has some trauma to work through, and he understands Tilrey intuitively. He spends his days collecting plants, about which they probably all have geeky conversations, and he’s a good cook. Tilrey can take his kid skiing or hiking and come back and read by the fire with Gersha. All that’s missing is a cat. 😅

But when he wants that *other* kind of therapeutic relaxation… getting to know the Brothel workers is important for Tilrey. They’ve had similar experiences to him. They can help him work through his trauma with a full understanding of what they’re doing and why he needs it. Einara is a pretty messed-up person, but perhaps because their histories are similar, she has the ability to “smooth him out” and improve his mood. Her husband helps, too. Tilrey always comes back from there happier, and Gersha accepts it because he knows it’s necessary.

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ipoddymouth · 2 months

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Omg what who sent those texts I’m pissing the consecutive texts lowering your rank what is the lore behind this 😭

gjrlagjlgj this spans like 3 years but the guy (****, his code name) in the texts was my fwb at the time but he was catching feelingssssss. but the run down is:

we meet

we hookup like 3 seconds after meeting

he tells me he's only in town for getting an advanced degree n he's not looking to date anyone

we hook up more

i shoot my shot for another hookup n he's like nah i have a girl i like

im like aight well see ya round! (i was not about to fight over this man i barely knew gjagrjdagl)

we stayed friends

i got a boyfriend

i tell **** i have a bf that i really like

said boyfriend broke up with me

i text **** like whaddup love is a lie

**** is like 'oh damn thats crazy can you believe i had a gf i broke up with like a week ago'

we hook up

a lot

too much

he STAYS blowing up my phone like nonstop texts n calls n im like a. i have a full time job i cannot be on the phone with you all day b. i literally just got dumped c. don't you literally have stuff to do (he's like.....important gjlargjgj i dont wanna say too much about what he does for a living but its like serious shit) (not a cop tho i dont do that) and d. this is couple behavior n you said you dont want a gf

he asks me out on a real date and i say no

he tells me he loves me. i pretend to be asleep.

he does not stop telling me he loves me gjrilgjlggjg and saying we should go on a real date

i found out he literally has a fiancee states away

i contemplate jumping off a bridge

i confront him

he says he did but they broke it off a long time ago

im dumb n kinda believe it

he tells me he loves me a final time and says he feels so guilty about things and im like ????

i later find out that right after that final i love you HE GOT MARRIED

im like weirdly upset about everything?? like obvi him being a liar n me being a homewrecker but also the fact we genuinely were friends n he knew so much about me but he wouldn't tell me THAT? insane web of lies; like even if we weren't romantically compatible (we both needed far too much therapy) i still lost a friend. also i was like shit what if he IS the love of my life? (i truly doubt he is)

i re-boyfriend up but like in a more emotionally stable way

me n **** text but like blandly (he doesnt know i know hes married)

he calls me a final time bc he's upset about something and i help him calm down

he blocks my number

he's defs married and has at least one kid now

#there's like other Key Events wrapped up in there #but this is long enough gklrajg i didnt wanna get into too much detail #rest assured tho im in a happy relaysh rn and have been for YEARS so like its all gucci in the end #but i kno he thinks about me still i just know itttttttt

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withacapitalp · 1 year

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✨ 2022 ao3 wrapped ✨

thanks @hexmionegranger and @thefreakandthehair for taggin meeeee I love you both!!!!

I’m also so ready for 2022 to be overrrr but I did have a good fic writing year… I’m so sorry for how dumb these are about to be

Works Published: 24

Word Count: 340186……I need to resort my priorities lmaooooo

Hits: 173947 (If I think about that number too much I’m gonna throw up so I’m not going to LMAO)

Bookmarks: 3726

Most popular by kudos: So it’s actually Concerns which is so funny because I would’ve been sure it was a Stranger Things fic! For Stranger things it was Scrapes, Sprains, and Headaches. That’s the second part of my A New Perspective series, and one of my favorite ones I’ve written. It’s a Lucas and Steve first aid fic from Wayne’s POV generally all the stuff I love most!

Most hits: Another not ST fic! Okay! Well this one is Not Again it’s an Omori long fic I started and abandoned (so if you go read it I’m sorry there will not be an update) I honestly forgot that I was one of the bigger(ish) omori writers right at the start. ST isn’t even number two because that’s Things Done for Love aka my magnum opus but I’ll talk about that one later. ST comes in third with Well, I’ve Been Afraid of Changin’ which is the getting together fic for A New Perspective

Longest: Things done for love BY F A R It’s 118k it’s not finished. Like I said Magnum Opus lol I love that fic so much but it needed to be put away for awhile because it’s my therapy fic and it’s like…..heavy and hard to write but I do rec reading it! It’s my baby. The second longest is ST tho! It’s The Weeks After which is the second part of my Days, Weeks, Months series! If you like Stoncy, that’s my stoncy series and it’s one of my all time favorite things I’ve written. It didn’t get a ton of traction, but I still really love it.

Shortest: I’m so sorry that none of these are ST omg. There's four shorter ones in other fandoms then Princess, which is honestly one of those fics that made me cry. It won’t be the fic I put down for that category, but I really loved writing it, and I would love if y’all went and read it!!!

Most comments: LMAO this is ST it’s my Stranger Things Daily Drabble! I’m going to take this time to not talk about the fic, but just to thank the handful of people who comment on pretty much every drabble I do. I wait to see you guys in my email and I literally get so happy every time I do!! Obvi you don’t have to comment on every chapter, but even just the little hearts I get or the wow I loved this one make me feel so :DDDD Even if you just comment on the occasional drabble that made you feel any type of way I’m always so so grateful!

Fic that made me cry: I actually cried while writing Princess obvi but I got close while writing House and Home! I put a lot of my own thought processes into it while I was writing, and a lot of the personal stuff I feel into how Steve is reacting. Like being elated and then just having all of this shit hit you all at once I also cried writing Let Me Just Hold You Now, butI'll talk more about that later

Fic that made me smile: How to Rehabilitate a Jock actually makes me smile a ton! I just think it’s going to be a really fun story and has so much heart and seeing how much you guys have liked it so muchh has been so heartwarming!!

Gifts: Let Me Just Hold You Now!!!!! Okay so I’ve written other gifts, but this one was just so!!!!! I wrote it for @hotcocoaharrington 💖💍I worked so so hard on it knowing Mack was going to love it and knowing that I was going to get to be so :DDDDD when I finally got to hear what she thought and it was so awesome. Anyway 10000000/10 would write fic for Mack again. (And I already am lmaoooooooo) but she doesn't need to know about that one

Events: Oh god pls dont mention events I’m still working on my fic for @thefreakandthehair I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorrrrrrryyyyyy

tagging: (with absolutely NO pressureeeee) so many of my faves have already been tagged I know but!! @strawberryspence @eddieunbanished @maxinemaxmayfield @kerlypride @gothbat99

#ask game #ao3 wrapped #I couldn't think of anyone else to tag #bc I think everyone else already has been?#But!! !#know I thought of you for sure haha

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ssreeder · 1 year

Note

SREEDIE MY GORGEOUS EX-WUSBAND

(this one is possibly my longest comment ever so uhh good luck)

no fr I saw the update I was like fucking FINALLY I’m getting some good enrichment in my enclosure how do you always have perfect timing???

and just like.. 30k?? IS IT MY BIRTHDAY ALREADY WTF you’re honestly insane ilysm

fuck you I don’t love you “zuko didn’t return that night” looking ass >:(

okay ik this is a sad emotional scene but the spirits not giving a fuck about sokka is like so ironic lmao bc in the show they never leave him alone even tho he tries to avoid them at all costs T-T

bruh not sokka thinking hakoda is annoying for breathing- he’s finally experiencing a normal teenager experience :’)

oh nooooo sokka if you tell hakoda you’re in love with zuko and hakoda reacts badly fuuuuuuck

YES SOKKA SOB OUT THE SADNESS EXPERIENCE SOME CATHARSIS BESTIE WOOOO

hakoda said toxic masculinity get rekt that’s so girlboss of him

THANK YOU BATO FOR BEARING THE BRUNT IF HAKODAS ACCIDENTAL HOMOPHOBIA SO SOKKA DOESNT HAVE TO SUFFER ANY MORE THAN HE ALREADY HAS YOURE DOING THE LORDS WORK TRULY

idk how you intended this to be read but I’m picturing hakoda saying “no.. not the watch tower” like this:

but also not hakoda doing reconnaissance on zukka-

yes sokka when it’s a question of how information gets spread the answer is always fucking reho (and I love him for that how else is anyone supposed to get anything done with everyone else being too emotionally constipated to talk to each other)

I cannot express to you how fucking frustrated I am by the communication being compromised bc of the fucking dai li bc ykw??? it’s such an incredible plot point by you since it is 100% in character for the dai li to interrupt messages bUT I HATE IT SO MUCH I’m literally going to have the time of my life when Somebody finally gets a clue about what’s going on

lmao katara something really did happen after you left but lucky for you it was a good thing!! and a bad thing bc everything always goes to shit but oh wellllll

katara you moron why did you tell them you’re leaving T-T

uh yeah no I can promise you jet is anything BUT bored jet is scheming jet is raging jet is challenging firebenders to duals he can’t win JET IS MAKING FRIENDS (well one friend and he doesn’t want to admit they’re friends but reho still counts)

oh fuck. jet you’ve really done it now.

BUT ALSO I FUCKING CALLED IT I KNEW ZUKO WOULD LEAVE JUST IN TIME IM SCREAMING THE STARS ARE ALIGNING THE PLOT US UNFOLDING THE DAI LIS PLANS ARE RUINED

oh hakoda I love how smart you are we really need a good tactician and here you are saving the day <3

also quon is a fuckinf asshole I hope he gets decked at some point xx (but it’s kinda a slay too that he just has so much audacity like it’s honestly lowkey impressive ngl)

yes bato act dumb and pretty we fully support lying and trickery in this household

also I’m placing my bets on zuko returning at the most inconvenient time in the most dramatic way possible fyi (and I’m going to eat it up bc I live for dramatic zuko)

uh yeah jet bby you’re definitely ashamed of what you did hate to break it to you HOWEVER I really do get why jet did do what he did bc he’s traumatised and also a teenager and so he was never going to think maturely and rationally (which like yes obvi that means he caused the problem BUT ALSO it’s not his fault he’s problematic) I just really need him to get some therapy dude

OKAY can I just say I love you showing toph as being affectionate outside of playful physical aggression?? it’s been ages since I’ve read a fic where toph has shown some form of affection that hasn’t been a punch in the arm! and I feel like that’s so important bc in the show most of the female characters are insanely talented in the art of combat and so often they then get reduce to Just being aggressive (like toph) or being overly emotional (like katara which is super ironic considering the ember island players tragic performance and how that was supposed to actively argue against katara being so one dimensional) WHEN REALLY they ARE BOTH tough and have feelings bc they’re literally human beings

yeah I have many opinions oops

I FEEL SO VINDICATED I LOVE YOU KATARA AND YOUR BIG SMART BRAIN she’s such a good actor my heart is squeezing in satisfaction oh lordy

shit. appa. fuck. goddamnit. REALLY?

omg this is so not gonna happen but imagine if zuko turned up in ba sing se and then all communication Issues are solved and he can help find appa like in the show :D

well not all communication issues but a fuck ton of them

YES RASU he’s such an icon I actually love him with my whole entire heart my flirty baby boy

lmao zuko had a crush on rasu

same.

shit. idk why but it’s so jarring to have be explicitly said that zukos death (even tho it’s fake news) is a casualty of war. like OBVIOUSLY but to have it put so bluntly is like damn. it’s like as a casualty of war, it matters fuck all that he was a prince or why he was hunting the avatar and everything that made (makes) him integral to the war effort bc in reality he really just is another kid who died in the war. and then THAT just makes you think, yeah he’s not all that special because the horrific reality is that so many people were casualties of the war and while they’re anonymous numbers on a large scale, in life they Mattered and now it’s all for naught. jesus crispy sreedie you’ve really got me grieving

FUCK YEHA QUON IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE HES DISMISSING JETS INTEL ALL BY HIMSELF THIS IS A WIN TEAM

sokkaaaa now is not the time to be bad at readying facial cues T-T

aang has so much more emotional maturity than people give him credit for fr. like there’s no way in hell I would’ve been able to regulate my emotions half as well as aang when I was 12 even WITHOUT factoring in the genocide of his nation

holy shit reho DESERVES SO MUCH FUCKING LOVE I WILL PERSONALLY FIGHT EVERYONE WHO DARES TO INSULT HIM AFTER THIS

also he’s so fucking wise “evil people don’t only belong to one nation, they are everywhere” LIKE PREACH they really fucking are war provides a platform for the worst people to shine

real talk if shen dies I’m gonna be devastated

ohoho nice like fic name drop right here

omg not zuko popping up at the MOST convenient time in the least dramatic way possible??? shocked but also not surprised bc it’s making perfect sense narrative wise

wheezing at zuko being consistently unpredictable bc ykw the only reason nobody can figure out what he’s planning is bc my boy simply does not have one!! ever!! and it’s legend behaviour actually I think it might be the reason he’s my fav character

okay okay okay at least sokka and zuko have bato with them for child wrangling purposes bc they need an adult. but oh no hakoda is aloooone

zuko you dumbass motherfucker did you just SURRENDER YOURSELF

ykw I take back what I said about him never having a plan being my fav thing about him I have come to my senses and have reconsidered.

ZUKKA KISS??? it’s tragic.

it’s so fucked up that ara and sokka are gonna become friends again bc their bfs got taken hostage but I’m here for it

HOLY FUCK SHIT YEAH SUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

MAI AND TY-LEE OMG MY GIRLS ALL MY GIRLS ARE COMING ITS HAPPENING ITS NOT A DRILL OMG SREEDIE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IM GOING FERAL

A Z U L A

okay so obviously appa is under lake lagoli right

and yes I’m very relieved that shen and zuko are together at least BC NOW WE CAN GET SOME MORE QUALITY BANTER AND THATS ENOUGH COMPENSATION FOR THE TRAUMA RIGHT

RIGHT??

reunion soon :3

anyways why did I think this would actually end okay with zukka and bato off frolicking to ba sing se?? how am I that delusional?? it’s like I don’t know you

I HOPE YOU TAKE A REFRESHING NAP AND RECOVER FROM THIS DOOZY OF A FINALE BUT ALSO I AM WAITING IN ANXIOUS ANTICIPATION FOR THE NEXT BOOK ITS GOING TO BE THE LONGEST AND MOST HORRIFIC JOURNEY TO A ZUKKA REUNION EVER AND I CANNOT WAIT also bc you don’t write zuko pov that means we’re gonna get a lot more shen pov?? which I think will be really fun so that’s exciting too

LOVE YOU TO BITS AND PIECES

leekie <3

OH MY GOSH, if you keep flirting with me we might just have to tear up our divorce papers and move in together.

Hahah Hakoda’s reaction to the watchtower is exactly how I envisioned it. Sarcastic & pretend shock lol.

Katara’s honesty is finally catching up with her, getting her in trouble with the Dai Li that is. But she is a strong girl and she can hold her own, I know she’ll be ok!

Ok I love that you brought up toph because sometimes I feel like fics make her out to be a lie detecting, punching, sarcastic person and just leave it at that. But she is so much more than that, all the female characters are! I hope I can do them justice.

Zuko does have a plan!!! “Don’t let Sokka get hurt” - that’s it, that’s the plan. Haha.

I hope Shen doesn’t die… but also, I can’t make any promises.

SUKI IS ON THE WAY TO HELP SOKKA!!! & azula is on the way to bomb him lol.

Im sure it’ll be fine, I love you! You’re amazing. But I also hate you because we are divorced and GRRRRRRR, but secretly we’re still hooking up and it pretty obvious but shhhh don’t tell anyone. ;)

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crimsoncrim · 1 year

Note

For the thing -

Reborn : Adrienn

Rejuv : Alexandra

Deso : Nova

hell yea!! ty for ask <3

adrienn

sexuality headcanon: pansexual!

gender headcanon: afab, nonbinary, xe/they/fae! xe/they are canon obvi, but I love headcanoning xem using fae/faer pronouns as well.

a ship I have with said character: two primary ones! I love xem and Arclight a lot (Fairyloudshipping), they're really sweet and make my heart go :) but I've also been growing really fond of Ace/Adrienn as well (Enchantedillusionshipping). nonbinary solidarity but also there are Piles of headcanons-- I think they'd really get along and they're adorable to me.

a BROTP I have with said character: Elias, actually! I'm very fond of his character ending and I think like. a character who's all but lost faith in the city meets a character who is determined to restore xyr faith in the city is v heartwarming to me.

a NOTP I have with said character: LORD. um. really getting put through the ringer with these rn, I don't really have one 😭 I enjoy both of the ships I have with xem v dearly. also nonbinary representation in relationships always makes me really happy as nb characters tend to be forgotten in relationships.

a random headcanon: xyr friends conspire to carry them away from work to rest when they're overworking themself. Arc and Ace co-conspire to surprise them by teleporting them to places that they'd enjoy but don't necessarily have the time to get away to so they can get there and back quickly when xe can only get away from work for a few minutes.

general opinion over said character: oh the beloved. xe was one of my favorite characters before Ace pitched a tent in my head just because seeing genuine nonbinary representation made me so happy. I love them very dearly.

---

alexandra

sexuality headcanon: bisexual, female lean!

gender headcanon: afab, cis, she/they

a ship I have with said character: I like her and Karen as a ship although I don't know a ton about them after seeing all your art :> it's very cute!

a BROTP I have with said character: Sashila gang as a whole, tbh-- I think they're all really interesting.

a NOTP I have with said character: explodes and dies. don't know a ton about her enough to answer this, but I'll just say I support it as long as someone's being respectful!

a random headcanon: gives me the vibes that while she might never have much time for it with her job, enjoys drawing and painting. probably desperately needs a hug but enjoys it as a sort of relaxation.

general opinion over said character: honestly I need to know more about her before passing further judgment, hahaha. I love her design though, and poc representation as always makes me really happy. I think she's really pretty and has a really interesting role in the story as of now, and I love how you draw and portray her!

---

nova

sexuality headcanon: bisexual, female lean owo

gender headcanon: she/they icon. afab

a ship I have with said character: therapy, honestly. girl needs it

a BROTP I have with said character: I think she and Rosetta after everything winds down and stops being Everything Is Awful could be gal pals. I'd love to see them hang out and support each other.

a NOTP I have with said character: hard to answer this since Deso isn't done and knowing E6 stuff (since my lips are sealed), but Shiv and Nova I suppose. Shiv is a neat character but they both kind of deserve a healthier relationship.

a random headcanon: has a guilty pleasure for sweet things, including sweet drinks like martinis and margaritas. doesn't like to admit this.

general opinion over said character: not a favorite blorbo or anything (that is reserved for Aaron) but I do care her a lot. her development is really sweet and she's also very Pretty,, I am weak for pretty girls. if high-top tall shoes could kill.

#ask crim #chara opinions #adrienn flores #alexandra rhaela #nova pokemon desolation #pokemon reborn #pokemon rejuvenation #pokemon desolation #<3 ty for ask. love all of them #cerise-moon

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fallen-angels-go-to-hell · 11 months

Text

-Therapy?-

Well, sometimes I feel like I should hold therapy sessions for myself. writing here on tumblr is kind of like that. i feel like i am on crossroads about well a lot a lot of things.

idk how writing them out is going to help but m scared. for one, my boyfriend gets angry really fast, on important things yes, but angry no doubt. nd for the most of it i find it really hot but sometimes its really scary as well. he hasn't ever gotten angry directly at me and i feel like i never want to be on the receiving end of it. but that's impossible and i know that. m scared he's going to be really aggressive hm.

Also i dont know if i talk too much or come off jobless and distracting to him. he's studying right now and i am holding back the urge to spam him with loads of love and ask him the most random stuff and shower him with feelings. he's always reciprocating and he's the best but i don't want to lose him. i think m annoying him and tiring him out. i really hope he doesn't leave me =(. sometimes i wonder if i just imagine that he loves me but he doesn't really. idk , m so not worth him.

he's obvi going through things right now, and i know these exams are more important to him than me. maybe i should give him space? and i know from a third person view id say " u need to talk to him, communication, communication, communication" . but this is different. this isn't about talking more rather the too much talking.

i hope m not exhausting him hm. my brain is just really fuzzy and fast today and i find everything exciting and jumpy. i love him so much fuck this is going to end up killing me.

also lately i have been seeing alot of these self harm posts and all these well, ed posts and i don't get what the trend is with anorexia. why the fuck do people want to be so thin? i get sh, i sh too sometimes when m low. i think ill see someone for that in the future. i genuinely need to get help because the lows and the highs sometimes get in the way of my normal day and nobody gets it. my friends and family say m just a moody young adult. sigh

well, thats it from me today, adios. i like this blog way better than my old one.

#bpd #therapy #boyfriend #i love you #m o r p h i #he's so fucking cute #he's adorable #mine #ed not ed sheeran #why do you even do it #sh #tw

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weirdlyfitting · 1 year

Text

Hmmm long time no ramble abt myself so here i am lmaooo

I've been keeping these thoughts and problem to myself and it has affected my mental health tbh, just ignore this if y'all don't want to read some negativity cause this had a lot of it :(

So what happened???

Long story short i enjoy video essays so much (especially for mcu) but because they've been too critical these days that the contents made me uncomfortable in so many ways

I love, LOVEEE video essays cause not only i learn something from a writing standpoint it's also about my favorite thing, it's like listening to a friend's story while i'm doing something or nothing, well mostly i did it when drawing tho

IF i watched these kinds of contents again again and againnnn, it's not enjoyable and i feel like it's too much. Kinda ironic considering one of the critics for phase 4 included having too many projects and simply being too much.

There are some points that i def agree on tho, but seriously when could these people talk about the good stuff that came out of phase 4? As in stuff like these

AND ESPECIALLY THIS

Back then i watched the wandavision analysis video after i started to watch (well obvi) wandavision and it grew on me because as the show went on he kept uploading the analysis of each new episodes up to the finale :D

It's incredibly shocking for me to learn that trauma played a really important role on the whole story, pretty much the same with real life tho so it's (again shockingly for me) relatable

Some times later then i find this video i'm beyond sad, and i think i had a breakdown??? Idk my memory's a mess but yea it affected me til this day

I hated the way she's handled in multiverse of madness like she's just having a solo story on her journey of 5 stages of grief and holy fuck she's a villain now??? But pre multiverse of madness she is a great hero to me

I feel like this guy didn't understand or acknowledge what psychosis is (NOT psychopath) when making the video tho (when talking abt pre mom wanda)

I've ever had a psychotic break and i relate to wanda a little by little as the episode went on, it's maddening because i couldn't control any of what i see, hear, or feel. God I just wish more people are kinder on mental health subject :(

I'm not a psychopath, i'm not a narcissist. I'm in need of serious help and by watching positive essays about my comfort characters, movies, or shows helped me understanding the why and what caused it (yes therapy is expensive). I needed comfort and i'd never do harm to others to get that comfort, the psychotic breakdown only happened to me and i've seen shits that i don't want to see anymore. It's a lot :(

Anyway back to it, i've rarely seen anyone who made a video essay talking and explaining about the good stuff that came from phase 4. As in like "the whole phase" yknow?

I mean this phase isn't perfect, maybe far from it tho, there were up and downs yes they exists, too many projects that made mcu feels like a homework and not an event.

But this phase was also one of the only thing that were there for me in dark times, reminder that in 2021 the pandemic still exist and i wasn't able to learn fully at school and all those stuff

Let's say i was still isolated from outside life, really is an introverted person and all i had was internet and comfy bedroom, not to mention my psychotic breakdown happened too for sometimes

When no way home came i feel like it's a movie made for me cause i was kinda in peter's place. I was too struggling to find a university, i didn't know where to go and watching this movie made me feel safe and keeping me to keep going to search on my uni

Then oh my god where do i even begin : moon knight

this show changes lives and i'm one of those life who's changed jagsjsgshsgs, i was in my darkest and i mean it, DARKEST mental state i've ever been on. But this show kept me going, this show was there for me, greeting itself as a friend then it grew on me as time changes. I'm forever grateful to watch this show when it's still aired from the first ep 🥺

I met a uni friend who loved moon knight and overall mcu and oscar too, plus the moots in here aaaa it's just so memorable!

So yeah, phase 4 may be messy and all but it's a good mess for me. I simply would not care anymore if i recieve negative essay reccommendations on my youtube, i'd only watch them when i feel like i want to

With now in phase 5 tho, i'm hoping the flaws from phase 4 can improove. I feel like quantumania is def an okay start for phase 5

there's always a room to grow

#mcu #marvel cinematic universe

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runawaymun · 2 years

Note

Omg i’m gonna play devil’s advocate and enable you to write that fic about Elrond and One from Stranger Things bc I need Elrond (and obvi Celebrian) to Baby Him that is their child now. Also I’ve been on a ST kick and I’d kill for a LOTR/ST crossover in general

see here's what i'm considering, and obviously this may change as I haven't seen the finale yet.

But I'm considering kind of...well as a start, going with my own personal hc (because I hate the ST canon for One so let's throw it out), that One is the first lab baby (so One =/= Creel). And let's just set this while he's in the lab and is kind of smol and still using his powers.

I'm toying with the concept of the watery Void where it seems that kiddos with the psionic powers go when they're "looking" for someone, and asking myself 'what if that's just...like, an actual place? Like legitimately a world-between-worlds in a CS Lewis sort of fashion'? And what if that's just Where You Go sometimes in dreams & when you're having visions.

So then I'm thinking, imagine One, who has never really had human contact outside of the lab (in regards to my own hc of where he came from and how he was raised, again...throwing out the Creel nonsense because I think it's Dumb), and he's out there practicing his powers, looking for someone. Perhaps he's even in the middle of a test with Papa or something.

And he just...

bumps into Elrond. and it's such a shock because Elrond can see/hear/converse with him. And it's like this little secret, this contact to the Outside, this person that One can talk to who has nothing to do with the lab and that Papa doesn't know about.

And yeah, toying with the concept of One purposefully going into the world between worlds and looking for Elrond, and Elrond is just Always There when One needs him to be, because of course he is. And them having conversations and getting to know each other.

IDK where it would go from there, but it feels very cozy to me and I like it. Give this boy talk therapy, compassion, and a dad, please. It’s like, idk...oftentimes when you’re in an abusive situation, it makes all the difference the second you have someone who you can talk to about it. Who can go ‘hey that’s not normal’ and ‘how can I help’ and ‘let me listen to you and give you some real love’. It’s very important to overcoming abuse and healing from it. Elrond could be that person.

It’s such a weird crossover but I’m growing attached to it. And also, Elrond could maybe help him learn to use his powers from a healthy place. Like how El did, because she learned to find her strength for her powers in happiness, whereas One only knew how to find his strength in anger.

#out of uniform #ST #Elrond #One #ST x LOTR crossover

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your--isgayrights · 2 years

Note

I dont know jackshit about naruto but I will admit I may be a Little obsessed w that yoohankim dynamic despite understanding literally nothing you just said

Le sigh Anon if I were cis I would probably be trying to explain naruto to you right now but fortunately for both of us my coming out as transgender meant that I had to go through therapy in highschool and one of the skills I gained is understanding that we don't need to sit here all day hearing my theses about how themes in Naruto relate to the post-imperial economic development of Japan especially in relation to consumption by US markets <3.

YHK <3. I think that HSY being this late game player wouldn't necessarily be a detriment to her involvement in the dynamic because I imagine that IF SOMEONE INSANE ACTUALLY WROTE SOMETHING ABOUT THIS then a sort of Masked version of HSY would appear early on as The Big Bad and we sort of only understand her motivations later on... Like, to make an analogy you have no hope of understanding Anon dearest <3, she's sort of our Tobi of the Akatsuki and maybe she has a part in manipulating YJH away from the village in the first place but she seems like a background villain until everyone realizes how fucking OP she is she can just like Create new ninjutsus and mass weapons of distruction she's basically like a fucking god on earth... but she only really cares about maintaining the time stream in a way that just like... lets KDJ live longer? Like she's actually manipulating all these things to benefit him and make him learn lessons she thinks he needs like how she creates the world of WoS in the original sort of shaped to what she wants to tell young dokja... but KDJ still Resents her in this verse because obviously one of those things is that she sort of keeps him seperate from YJH because she like KNOWS that YJH wants to kill him and extract his powers so she's actually trying to kill YJH before he can do that but then obvi KDJ gets on her with that "if he goes I go" bs and she's like UGH.

I think there also comes a time when the two HSYs merge and KDJ like feels like he lost the "real" hsy because she got subsumed by the big bad HSY but like just after seeing everything big bad HSY saw "real" hsy just... came to the same conclusions. Although now all powerful HSY is sort of tempered by the fact that she now has all these memories of KDJ living the peaceful life he lead because of her... She also begins to understand the amount of suffering that being separate from YJH has caused and is kind of like... UGH. FINE. I'll, like, not kill him I guess. Fuck you. This makes world peace like a bajillion times harder. and KDJ is like fuck you more... So they'd be working on the same side but still hate each other...

Ok I admit I'm neglecting YJH here... I guess he'll form pacheonmaeng kind of like Sasuke forms the Taka (again anon you don't know what that means im sorry that's sasuke's gang of gays and girlies that Naruto thinks are a bad influence but actually sasuke's a bad influence on them okay) and then he's doing a bunch of things to dismantle world governments like a good unemployed terrorist <3. The big conflict between him and KDJ comes up when KDJ is trying to leverage political power by making allies to establish peace and then YJH is just trying to burn everything down and thinks that every power involved in war just needs to be taken the fuck out (ala Pain, wait you don't know who that is, sorry.) to end everything he's just going to take them all down. And KDJ is dealing with him basically like yjh of 1863 in the endgame you know he's like YJH i understand you and your suffering but I just want you to know there's a better way... I want a happy ending for you... Which is obviously a big obstacle for his political maneuvering, which is why HSY wants to get rid of YJH so KDJ can live up to his potential of ending the ninja wars BUT KDJ has no motivation to end the wars if YJH doesn't still exist...

Ok I've decided that HSY's shadow clone can't travel forward in time, only backward. Whenever she travels back in time she has to like. Wait it out. Which is fine because her shadow clone self is like functionally immortal; which I like because that gives her an equivalent of the sort of 50 years she had to spend alone in the Kaixnex arc (i still don't know how that's spelled). Which is why she goes through KDJ's life backwards like that and then goes all the way back to create ... She thinks that KDJ is like, The One who is going to end the ninja war and establish peace among the shinobi nations, because she remembers that he managed to do so much in the present that she hadn't been able to do in the eternity she spent in the past... She probably also only had like some limitted abilities on how she could interfere with the past (like she did in the epilogue) otherwise I think she woulda just killed KDJ's dad and baby-snatched him lmao.

Then I think that the final battle is actually something kind of trippy and thematic where some version of KDJ from some kind of time stream continuum (OD equivalent) maintains the state of the world in conflict because... conflict is what he was born into, and the state of eternity that he longs for is with his two friends at ninja school training to be child soldiers... So like the big theme in Naruto is reaching back for the past, holding onto precious memories, and believing that a bond exists and keeps existing no matter what... I think in the end of this crossover I'd want to challenge that by having HSY, KDJ, and YJH have to like take down that version of KDJ that is longing for the past and instead all work together to make a new future together by combining their different ideals and strengths.... Although KDJ would DEFINITELY want to do it like Ungently, like he would be like "I've been what's holding you both back from being happy all this time..." and they're like KDJ shut the FUCK up we should have just been Good Friends and sat on the fucking swingset With You lets all just Chill Out.

#ask #anonymous #do i need to make a tag for this idk #personal #orvuto au

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alligator-spaceinvader · 27 days

Note

I miss you. Big love. Hope you’re okay.

TW: anxiety, depression, disordered eating habits, panic attacks, mention of self-harm, mention of suic!dal ideation, mention of alcohol abuse

I'm guessing you're either Harper, Harrison, Asya, Michael, Sable, Becs, Katherine, or Megan, (maybe even Kara?) and whichever one of them you are I need you to know that I love you so, so much. And I miss you (all of you) so deeply it hurts. If anon isn't anyone I just listed, that's ok too and I still love you anyways for caring about me.

In terms of whether or not I'm okay... it's a complicated answer, because on a day-to-day basis, I am usually okay overall (like, mentally), bc I've been communicating w/ all of my family members literally every day, which (shockingly) helps me feel more emotionally tethered to the world. Also, I just got done with the first college course I've ever actually completed in my life (3 CREDITZ BITCHESSS!!!:D), so that tiny step towards self-empowerment & independence has me feeling very proud and determined to continue (I enrolled in a summer course last week!).

However, I've been dealing with some extremely intense self-imposed social isolation (and not just the covid kind, obvi) for multiple years now. Part of this is due to my inability to drive (also I technically have my learners permit now!) but mostly this is due to my own emotional issues that I have to work through in therapy. I don't feel empowered or secure enough to place or enforce boundaries, so I rarely feel able to assert my own social wants/needs and actually act on my desire to see my friends again. I've been getting some truly ass-kicking, ER-worthy panic attacks on the rare occasions that I DO try to go see one or a couple of my friends, and it usually results in me cutting the meeting short so I can rush home and descend into a really dark mental place full of adrenaline-soaked doombeliefs & crushing depression (not suic*dal ideation anymore, thanks to my trusty ol' escitalopram!) that renders me physically unable to eat or drink water for like 15 hours, even after I've taken my prescribed anxiety medication. I've alienated myself so hard that I'm terrified my friends will just eventually get sick of being constantly rejected and avoided and will be hurt and grow to resent me for my constant, deeply sh!tty behavior towards them.

My biggest thing i'm dealing w/ and stressing over right now is that one of my best friends is engaged and will be getting married in the future-- and since I already missed my other best friend's wedding due to this neurotic mental illness & soul-destroying inability to stand up for myself, I'm more determined than ever to NEVER let that happen again-- so I've been trying to gather the documents i need in order to renew my passport (bc I'm assuming the wedding will be in canada). i got my replacement ss card in the mail the other day and now all i need is to find my birth certificate at my dad's house. If I miss one more friend's wedding because of the stupidest reasons in the world, I will be so crushed and defeated, I can't bear the thought of not being there (another reason I'm desperate to not miss it is that the wedding might be one of my only chances to see and apologize to my first friend whose wedding I missed, and I really really don't want to blow this chance)

Oh, also *nervous laugher* I had a ~sliiiiiiight~ ED relapse recently, which is tbh totally exacerbating every single stressor in my life to the degree that I've returned to my former habit of dissolving into tears and hyperventilating multiple times a day, every day. so far, it's not bad enough for me to feel like i need to hide it yet, but i'm familiar enough with this whole dreadful process by now that it I know it's never really in my control at all, at least not in the way I keep deluding myself into believing. lol.

and lastly, the greatest stressor in my life right now is that my mother's been struggling so badly w/ her mania and depression lately, she flippantly stopped taking her antidepressant and I feel literally sick to my f*cking stomach with the choking fear that she'll act on her suic*dal ideation one night and that I'll suddenly find myself in the world without my Momma. She's resumed self-harmnig and has been drinking heavily. "terrified" doesn't come close to describing how intense & heavy the oppressive fear of losing her is hanging over me every second of my waking life. (And also while I'm asleep. I literally have horrifically graphic, haunting nightmares of her k!lling herself in different ways, multiple nights a week, and I'll wake up soaked in sweat and start my day off with a nice session of dizzying hyperventilation.)

So, overall, I'm "okay" in the way that I'm able to take the time to comfort myself and practice self-care at home, w/ my partner and my doggle, and prioritize communication with my immediate family members (which has pretty much never happened before in my life), and I've been doing school and I'm all set up to continue college classes, and I've been taking steps towards renewing my passport...

however, I'm also not doing ok in the way that i miss my friends so much it physically burns in my throat, chest, all the way down to my solar plexus and i find myself incapable of responding to their repeated efforts to reach out to me again and again; i'm so concerned for my mother's health and safety that i'm in a near-constant state of sheer panic and preparation for dashing over to her apartment in case I need to break down her door and save her; i've noticed a concerning reappearance of e@ting- dis0rdered behaviors that i haven't engaged in for literally years; and i'm too mentally ill to socialize w/ any of my friends, literally at all, w/o it triggering a days-long meltdown :\

Thank you anon for reaching out to me. Whoever you are, I love you for caring about me and missing me. I'm so deeply sorry I haven't gotten my sh!t together by now. I swear to god i'm trying every day to get stronger and more assertive. i'm very, very grateful that all of you haven't given up on me yet

(please let me know if I missed any TWs in the tags)

#tw mental illness #tw mental health #tw disordered eating habits #tw ed #tw anxiety #tw depression #tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw self harm #tw self harm mention #tw sh #tw eating issues #tw eating disorder #friends #personal #tw alcohol #tw alcohol mention

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bisluthq · 3 months

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Do you feel fulfilled in your job/career? I feel pretty stagnant since Covid and I don't really know how to break out of it. I'm 29, and I kinda just want to reset my life quit my job and move back across the country to my parents and try again lol

I mean… no lol not entirely but I’ve done a ton of resets now (just since COVID) and I’m still not like totally happy. I don’t miss my pre COVID job because it was mad stressful and high pressure and I don’t want that stress or deadlines and I don’t want to travel that much for work rn because I have yk the house and stuff to think about, I really have never dug online teaching - not during the pandemic and not now - but I don’t want to go back to academia/in person teaching (my pre pre COVID job). I also am in the insanely fortunate position where I could theoretically swing being like a stay at home and having a side hustle idk selling Avon products or whatever for like fun money but that’d be really depressing for both my partner and me. I liked working on the house a lot but like that’s when there was stuff to actively do. Idk I think I like project based things?? I like saying “this is what needs to be done” and doing it but once I’ve achieved it I wanna move on. I’m not sure that makes sense and I’m actively not sure I have good advice here because as I say, I reset my life all the time lol and I’ve never found something that makes me super happy longterm. I’ve also tried a lot of therapy and stuff and that’s never helped so I am not even gonna suggest that.

what I will say, is if there’s something you actively wanna do - do it (if you can afford to). I’m not sure what I actively wanna do. That’s the whole problem. I guess I really like writing but not for pubs I’ve worked for (again longterm, I enjoyed them for a bit) and I don’t like have enough ideas to freelance full time (I’ve tried). I’d like to write a book but I’m scared to try so idk I just plod along doing random things lol that pay my bills. Also don’t quit working if you can’t pay your bills obvi that’s a bad idea. If you have something you wanna do and have the money to, I say do it. I’m not sure I will, but you should. If you hate it, and you might, you can always try again. Life’s not a game lol or an exam and you can’t win it or pass it. You can just do what feels right at the time and move on when the seasons change.

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