#also never trust me when I say I’ll do something bc I WILL forget in 5 minutes

[thoughtsforsoob]

asking them to buy you pads :( - nct dream

a/n: period season has unfortunately come for me (is it really unfortunate or does that just mean I’m not pregnant 😁 lmao probably not even possible bc I have no bf nor many male friends). Anyways, I hope you enjoy!! I am going to try to do some more writing formats instead of texts but let me know which of you two you guys like best. Thank you and remember that requests are always open :D

mark

To me he seems like a very caring boyfriend. This scenario doesn’t take place very often because he keeps you stocked up all the time if you forget. For the sake of this post, let’s say that you’re at home and he’s on tour. You’re stuck at home, crying to him on the phone about how you forgot to stock up on pads. He’s being the most sympathetic person ever and comforting you while ordering you pads to be delivered. He also throws in some groceries and sweets because you probably weren’t up to going shopping. When it arrives, you groan when he tells you to go to the door but immediately your eyes light up as you see the large delivery. “Anything for my girl. So sorry I can’t be there to make it better :(“

renjun

He didn’t even need to be asked to get more. He either has more or he noticed and went to the store before coming home. So, you get your period that evening and when he’s on the drive home, you call him crying like never before and he’s worried. You tell him your situation and how silly you feel. “I’ll stop by the store. I should be home soon okay? Don’t even worry about it. I’ll also make you something warm to eat and drink for dinner.” He was tired, sure, but you needed him and he loved that.

jeno

jeno is the cutest bf on earth hello???!!! Keeps a period tracker on your phone and one morning, he got the notification that your period should be coming on that day. He trusted it and slipped out of bed, running to the pharmacy and the convenience store to get what he needed for a period care pack. He decided to make one for you ever since you two have been together as a sweet little tradition. You woke up when he was gone and panicked. You called him and cried to him about him leaving, “see you leaving me forever?? I miss you Jen, please come back to me I’ll do anything!” He laughs, “silly girl, I’m just getting your care pack. Your period should be here today.” He comes back home asap and comforts you all day.

haechan

This guy is so silly that he tells you no!! what a silly guy hahaha *my eye is twitching as I type this* You ask him to pick up some pads for you and his way home from schedule and he’s like “nah I don’t wanna. You go do it.” You immediately start to fight back and tell him in a serious tone, “unless you want me to trail blood all over our apartment and then faint in the way to the store, please go get me some pads.” BLOOD? Haechan immediately reconsiders and asks to stop at the store when being driven home.

jaemin

Such a gentleman! Jaemin will never ever say no to you when it comes to asking him to buy you personal care items. He makes sure you get the best quality brand and that you have everything else you might need. Want a ice cream that only is made at a creamery 20 miles away? Done. Want noodles from your favorite spot in the next town over? Don’t even have to ask. He makes sure you’re comfortable the whole time and even tells the kitties to be gentle with their mommy.

chenle

Doesn’t want to show it but he’s so nervous. He might try to tell you no by saying something along the lines of, “you’re so irresponsible why did you not buy more if you knew it was coming soon? plus, this isn’t manly at all.” you threw the hardest pillow you own at his head and start to sob so he takes his ass to the store. he starts to feel bad so he grabs what you need and picks up your comfort take out on the way home. don’t worry, he’ll even cuddle you and feed you if you so wish when he arrives home.

jisung

He’s so nervous. The only reason he goes is because he knows you absolutely need them and he doesn’t wanna get in your bad side when your hormones are all out of wack. When he realizes he forgot to ask you for a picture of the box you need and then you don’t answer calls or texts, he panics. He’s hesitates but ends up asking a store clerk what to get :( he’s so embarrassed but the clerk, noticing how shy he was, commended him for his bravery and helped him select the pads. he buys them plus some candy :)

#nct dream x reader #nct dream texts #nct dream fluff #nct dream imagines #nct fluff #nct texts #nct imagines #nct dream #nct #mark x reader #renjun x reader #jeno x reader #haechan x reader #jaemin x reader #chenle x reader #jisung x reader

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

Why does everything go wrong at the same time for me? I guess that negativity is contagious? 🫤

I just came home after spending most of the day at Sandra’s, to help her decorating her apartment. Shortly after I arrived, I saw Nico’s cell lying on the table in the living room. He forgot his phone this morning! Since I knew his PIN (The Number of his soccer-jersey shirt, plus once back/reserve.🤨 So sutpid! 🤦‍♀️) I thought I’d take a closer look at it. I checked his phone. Yeah, I know! I was spying on him. 🫤🤷‍♀️And omg, I got totally mad at Nico! I saw that a girl Patricia and another girl Bianca, constantly texted him. Especially on his social media. He never really texted or answered back, after he & I got back together, but the more I.... "researched", I noticed that Nico met that girl Patricia in Italy. THIS fucking summer!!!!!!!! And that Bianca was her sister. So... Nico was messing around with 2 sisters??!!😠Such an ass!! That's why he didn't want to talk about Daniel & me or ask me quuestions, when he came back home 3 weeks ago! Bcs he was hiding who he met in Italy. Jerk! I hated Nico that moment. He kept this shit from me. Somehow I didn’t trust Nico anymore. I mean, sure, we weren’t together this summer and I also slept with Daniel, but he knew about it!!!! Nico wanted me to go back to Daniel, to sort things out with him.

And that’s exactly why I wanted to stay with Daniel 10 weeks ago. I felt like Nico didn’t give a shit about me, like he used to (Philip). Of course, I confronted N. that day! I wanted to know, who that Patricia is and what went on between them? Why is she still texting him?

Nico: I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but we weren’t together. I also knew this thing was gonna make you feel insecure. That’s why I didn’t want to mention it. And honestly? Why do you even care what I did when we were apart? You were with Daniel! You married him and still are, damn it! Besides, I didn’t plan on seeing someone else or anything. I knew her sister. There was something between her and Philip once. And in Italy, I met that girl Patricia, her sister. She worked there during the summer in the hotel. That's all.

Me: What? Philip dated her sister???😲 Aghh... thats-... thats so gross what you and Philip do- or have done. You know damn well what I mean.... I thought with you all this shit was finally over. And I just don’t understand why you kept it from me? How am I supposed to trust you now, when you have to go abroad again?... Agh, you and your fucking soccer! 😩🤦‍♀️

Nico: Are you done?🤨 .... You're not fair!! But anyway. I don't wanna fight! We're so happy babe. ILY, so.... let's just forget this shit. You’re not well rn. You haven’t slept for 3 nights. Something seems to be bothering you. Maybe it would make more sense to talk about that.

Me: You wanna talk about me? Well!! Yk? I keep thinking about Daniel, N.! I just can’t forget him, I want him! 😈... I’ve seen him with someone else and since then, I feel like I'm crazy over him. And you’re no better than Daniel! You hurt me too! Just... fuck off, N.!

Nico: You say I hurt you because you’re mad at Daniel?... That doesn’t really feel good to me either, to hear how much you still want him!! 😠

Me: Then you know how I felt, when I found all those messages you got. Why is she still texting you?

Nico: She wanted to know if I was back in Italy. I told her I’d stay home, with my pregnant girlfriend. I asked her to stop texting me.

Me: I don’t want to talk anymore. I just get sick of imagining what you and Philip are doing and what you two did to me.😠

Nico: I'm getting tired of this!! Don’t overdo it! You force me to get mad.

Me: Shut up, Nico! 😩🤷‍♀️

Nico: Finally divorce Daniel! Either you calm down, or I’ll sort this out my way. If I do, you will do as I tell you! So tell me, babe? Should I take care of your probs again? To make you feel better?

Me: What are you going to do? Are you going to threaten Daniel? Just like you threatened Dominick back then?

Nico: I'm off! 🤦‍♂️😠

Yep. 🤷‍♀️😞

Previous/Next

#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #ts 4 story #rl story #myrlgameplay

[coral-melon]

Ohh could i get an obey me matchup if u have time? :D

Appearance: i’m afab, tall but skinny like a noodle, still have curves tho. i have light brown hair and dull blue eyes i’m pale af and have a slightly larger than average number of moles. i have had purple under-eyes since i was 12 they are never going away

Personality: professionally i’m doing well but every other area of my life is in shambles lmfao. still live with my parents can’t drive depressed as hell and barely any relationship experience💀i hate responsibility but i’m still responsible because i hate letting people down. i make a conscious effort to always meet deadlines and show up to meetings on time and it bothers me when other people don’t. but still i’m pretty lenient with others and give them the benefit of the doubt. i am fairly whimsical and quite unbothered by everything. not afraid to push boundaries and attempt things no one has done before, when ppl tell me my goals sound unrealistic it just motivates me more

Strengths/weaknesses: good at drawing and school, graduated college with a 4.0 gpa and a bunch of honors and stuff, and i am the creator of several viral posts and quizzes. good at taking advantage of opportunities that come my way. and i can see humor in everything i love to laugh. i’m kinda irony poisoned and struggle with sincerity, but i’m also an open book i don’t rly have anything to hide. i always talk pretty casually with people no matter who they are but i get away with it cuz i’m smart and good at my job or something. i may come across as impulsive but i do think through everything i do and say, i’m just a fast thinker. i’ve been told i’m too trusting but i haven’t been hurt yet sooo idc ^_^

Likes/dislikes: i am fan of any kind of creative hobby. i like being in nature and interacting with animals but i’m also a pwetty pwincess who hates getting dirty. i hate doing chores and paying for stuff too 💅🏻 i avoid drama and conflict like the plague, though i enjoy it as a spectator. and i hate office jobs, specifically because i work very efficiently then have to pretend to be productive for my dumbass boss when i finish everything early. i love to hang out with people even if it’s something boring like running errands. for some reason people think i don’t like hugs or texting but i do :( i constantly crave novelty i love new experiences

Other: when i really like someone i’ll take an interest in their interests and memorize every little thing i learn about them to the point where i gotta play dumb sometimes so i don’t sound overly invested. we would probably have to have a strong friendship as a foundation cuz u gotta be patient with my repressed ass. i don’t have a lot of preferences for dates so i’d be happy doing whatever they want, i’m v indecisive so it would be good for both of us if they like taking the lead

- 🦝

Hello -🦝! Thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself, it a pleasure to meet you! ^^

This felt really fun for me bc I already had a few silly hc in mind for you, so I hope you enjoy!

I match you with…~

꩜ Never a dull moment when your around him.

꩜ The two of you are a funny duo, to say the least. If it were possible, it would be like you taking care of a leash kid.

꩜ Not to worry, with this jackass over by your side, he will make you forget about your depression with his bullshit and shenanigans! That’s right, The Great Mammon himself! >;D👍✨ ((plz don’t take this too seriously..))

꩜ When it comes to you, he might as well not have any experience either. When others look at you, sometimes they think you’re the one who knows the ropes even if that’s not the case at all.

꩜ He’s supposed to keep an eye on you, but the fact of the matter is that it got twisted real quick and you ended up responsible for him instead. You keep him in check when it comes to his studies and duties he must finish. Oh what’s that? Sike! Even if you didn’t want to, he’ll beg you to help him out before Lucifer catches a whiff that he failed a test for the 1738929th time.

꩜ You’re motivated to want to improve yourself, so why would t you want the same for those you care about? No matter how hopeless someone is, surely there’s always a way!

꩜ Doesn’t matter how much he tries to hide something he did wrong though, Lucifer knows way before he himself does. So you’ll often see him upside down hanging from a ceiling. He temps you first before resorting to begging you to help him out again.

“Are ya takin’ me seriously, human?!”

— “Pfft- Yea yea of course!👌” nah, not really

꩜ As time passes by though, he starts catching your drift slowly without being told what to do. Simply wanting to get your attention and praise is enough to have him determined to want to do better. So in a way, both of you help each other out to get yourselves organized; May it be your actions or mental state. Thriving forward because of it.

꩜ He appreciates you never me giving up on him, thinking about it makes him soft and weak.. He’ll never admit it though! Not the Great Mammon himself! Not in a million years! Pretty obvious tho..

꩜ He, too, is an open book; not on purpose though. He tries to hide it but ultimately just reveals even more.

꩜ But It’s funny watching you two play dumb with each other when it comes to the other’s interests. He is just as invested in what you like — or perhaps even more — like you are with his.

“Oh, you like -insert hobby-? Ha, lame!” *Proceeds to look up everything there is to know about it*

꩜ Lovely to know you like to hang out, cuz best believe this guy is stuck to you like glue. He might try to come up with an excuse as to why he just barged into your room or sent you some random message, but it’s all bs. He just wants to be with you even if there’s no reason. He just really enjoys your company.

꩜ On days he gets paid, He’ll say he’s feeling generous and willing to spoil indulge you a bit. You better be grateful to the Great Mammon! Whenever you go shopping, he’ll keep an eye out for anything you might glance at, even if it was just for a brief moment.

꩜ And even if it’s rare coming from you, he’ll immediately sense if there’s greed coming from you. So he’ll buy you whatever it is that you want so badly! *cough* you just glanced at it.. *cough*

End

I hope I was able to make you smile

Take care -🦝!✨

#obey me #obey me requests #obey me matchups #obey me headcanons #-🦝

[cherry-pop-soda]

For the band asks: 2, 3, 4, 9, 14 please?

thank you!!!

2. What is your favorite song by your favorite band?

this is gonna make me sound like a surface level fan i know.. but enjoy the silence. it’s the song that got me back into depeche mode and new wave after forgetting it for almost a decade. getting into depeche mode and new wave changed me as a person and it wouldn’t have happened if i hadn’t managed to find that song again. without it i never would’ve found this place.. i genuinely owe enjoy the silence so so much

3. What is an overrated song by your favorite band?

okay i know i really can’t be talking since my fave is enjoy the silence but my unpopular opinion is that i feel you is a little bit overrated. don’t get me wrong it’s really good it’s just.. i like basically every other song on sofad better sjdhwjbrjfd

4. What is an underrated song by your favorite band?

oh MY GOD I can think of so many I think are underrated let’s go

two minute warning, landscape is changing, fools, if you want, and in your memory are all SO incredibly underrated imo.. i know i’m biased bc those were all written by alan but STILL JSKDDJD

and some others I think are underrated are nothing, to have and to hold, judas, condemnation, and rush.. where is the love for those songs truly

9. What was the first song you heard by your favorite band?

okay so i can’t remember clearly from when i heard them on the radio when i was like 3-4.. but I know I heard just can’t get enough, everything counts, people are people, strangelove, nlmda, personal jesus, policy of truth, enjoy the silence, and possibly world in my eyes and question of lust. but when i got back into them years later the first one I heard was enjoy the silence :)

14. Pick one random song by your favorite band and give your thoughts on it.

oh my god…. i’m gonna do condemnation because this song makes me utterly fucking insane..

some of the lines just make me fall apart internally… “i’ll suffer with pride” “if for honesty you want apologies i don’t sympathize” “if for blindness you substitute kindness please open your eyes” “because my duty was always to beauty and that was my crime” and “to know i can trust this fix of injustice time after time”… GODDDDD

and also. the way dave sings certain words will actually kill me like,,,, the emphasis on blindness and kindness, the way he says crime in the “because my duty was always to beauty and that was my crime” line, the emphasis on trust and injustice, the despair in his voice on the longer notes like crime and time and sympathize

and most of all more than ANYTHING. the way his voice breaks slightly on the “ack” sound in accusations. the first time i noticed that i had a lump in the pit of my stomach.

i also know condemnation is dave’s favorite depeche song and if I remember right he also considers it one of his best vocal performances… which makes me extra insane because I know he was suffering so much during that time and the fact that I feel like you can genuinely hear it coming through in that song like. the pain is so so fucking real it doesn’t feel like an act for the song it feels like real and tangible genuine suffering and it destroys my brain completely every time. idk what it is about this song that made it stick out to dave so much but clearly it means something special to him… and that on top of everything else i’ve said about it is why this song just completely tears me asunder every time i hear it. i love it so much, it’s a beautifully painful masterpiece.

[enchanting-grom-fright]

ok i’ll shut up just one more rant

bcs i need to vent abt this lol 😭😭

idk guys idfk i’m just absolutely fucking exhausted 

i was just watching smthing, like smthing completely unrelated, and all of a sudden everything just came back to me, like completely exactly like i was there. which like at this point i’m used to i can typically brush it off, but this was one of the times where it really stuck with me. and then after that when i was jolted back to reality (and after i actually then realized i was just alone and in my bedroom) i was super just like out of it. emotionally i felt no different or safer than before and that was all i could think just that in the moment panic and feeling like ur gasping for a way out but there isn’t one and that just makes it worse and everytime i closed my eyes that’s all i could envision and i could almost feel it it felt like i was feeling it and i was also just like hysterically whispering to myself just stop like nonstop repeatedly the entire time and like idek it was odd. and like i’m used to it it’s not like this is new so i tried i really tried to calm myself down i was sat there for so long but nothing works so i ended up relapsing again after like three days  but i just don’t know what else to do genuinely like i didn’t fucking prompt that and in the moment it never seems like it’s going to end and u really can’t predict when it is and it’s just everything and it’s horrible i never want to think abt it again it makes me want to fucking throw up and it’s so lonely idek why and it feels like i’m suffocating or not even that really it feels like i’m like inhaling water or smthing and i need to find some other way to pour ur out of me so i can breathe again

but anyways idk that’s not even really a noteable experience but also it was also so much worse this time bcs of my sensory issues being sm worse than normal today for wtvr reason and also my routine has been disrupted multiple times today so like today hasn’t even be bad itself but i’ve just been barely holding myself together anyways bcs of those things. i hate saying that though bcs like just in general i hate talking abt stuff related to autism bcs like that just affects so much of my daily life that i just don’t talk abt to the extent that if i were to mention it more casually i always feel like ppl r going to either think i’m for some reason like faking it bcs i seem ‘more autistic’ or they’re just going to think i’m just weird or smthing along those lines so i just don’t. but it gets to tiring bcs in addition to the shit that i need to deal with anyways i also need to spend effort trying to mask it and then that’s just making the issues worse which makes masking harder which makes the issues worse and i have like one and a half ppl i feel comfortable being a bit more myself around and that’s bcs one of them seems to like personally understand it and the other i do to an extent just bcs i do trust them a lot. but like how am i supposed to explain that like literally today i was going to hang out with my friends and i was excited for it but something came up where i wouldn’t be able to have a routine so then i had to just not go at all but like how do i even explain that like idek why exactly i’m like that myself or how do i explain that yea i have no clue what u just said bcs the lights r too bright so now i’ve just lost the ability to make sense of english when i can barely speak. idk guys tbh i forget where i was even going with this i’m probably just fucking complaining

i just want to feel normal though i hate feeling like this i hate being so dramatic that somehow the thing mentioned at first just randomly happens and i hate feeling so different from almost everyone and i hate feeling like i have nothing else to do and i just fucking hate myself ig

[tabbytiger]

Girlies I am so concern w my brain /rant

TL:DR My psychotic ass is going more crazy than it already was, and also dissociative amnesia needs to get off my dick because Its starting to become a danger.

I’m so glad I wrote down all the details i could remember from that near miss while I still could recall it bc that was yesterday and I can feel it’s already starting to fade away again.

Nobody honking or anything is really throwing me off bc now I’m sitting here like “Did it actually happen or did I make this up or was it a dream that I had?”

Like I’m going to forget it entirely again soon and theres nothing I can do about it.

I should be idk like going thru ptsd or something I quite literally was going to die. But I’m still sitting here feeling fine and normal, and I was fine and normal when it happened too. I don’t feel anything about it and thats really concerning me.

Instead of like being distraught over the near miss instead I cried in my car in a dmv parking lot for literally 4 hours because I was like “Why the fuck am I starting to lose days, weeks, months and even years.”

I’m not quite blacking out in the middle of a day or anything but I am only remembering bits and pieces of a day and I’m recalling things out of order. I’ve always dealt with dissociation but its never been quite this bad.

Also I’m just like. I don’t know what to believe because I have psychosis.

I’ve just been lying in bed with thoughts looping in my mind and it all looks like this:

Do I have Schizophrenia? What if this is a delusion? Maybe I just think I have it but I don’t and its making up false memories or something to go with it. Are all the stuff that I remember going through when I was a child real? Did I make that up too? If I already feel like I didn’t exist the previous days or weeks then how do I know it happened? I see that I typed out all these messages but I really feel disconnected from the person that wrote them even if that was me on that date and time.

I’m forgetting earlier points brought up literally minutes ago in a conversation, and I’m going in and out the whole time so I’m not even hearing the full thing. Its so bad that when before I would misplace like 1 thing and then find it later.

Now its like, me spinning in circles because i keep thinking about doing something while I’m actively doing something else and I’ll forget that I haven’t done what I was thinking of doing and believe that I did it only to run back downstairs because I indeed, did not do it.

Like the number of times I have left for work at 3:30am thinking and REMEMBERING that I actively put my key in, turning the lock, and locking the door, only to come back home 8 hours later to my dad telling me I didn’t lock the door.

My dad has also told me a handful of times before about something I apparently said but I don’t remember saying it in the way that he’s recalling it, and I’ll be like “I don’t remember saying that” and he’ll be like “whats wrong with you, that’s exactly what you said” but I’m suspicious that he’s making stuff up and maybe hes pulling one of his “not funny and hard to tell if he’s serious or not” jokes.

Though I’ve also had instances on VC with friends where I’ll apparently say something and forget that I said it, cuz they’ll be like “thats what you said you literally JUST said it” and I’ll be like “huh?? I don’t remember saying that” except my friends wouldn’t lie to me and try to make me think I did something I don’t remember doing so I’m just like “I can’t trust my own memory 🥴”

I was so distraught driving home I missed the 1st ramp to get on the highway, and I was actively fighting not to dissociate while driving I missed my exit and had to drive over the white lanes back into a lane. How I remembered getting home and getting there is a miracle at this point.

I think its definitely saying something if me almost dying have no effect on me, and when I think about if I had died I’m still apathetic and neutral. And part of that is also because I have been dying so much lately in my dreams (Sometimes I wake up confused because I thought that dream was real and actually happened) that I’m just like.

“Its okay If I did die, It’ll only hurt for a second, and I’ll feel regret, and then grief but then everything will be calm and all that would have happen would be that I just quietly drift off into the nothingness and It’ll be the most peaceful last thing I’ll remember.”

Like this happened recently and I deadass shot up in bed and I was so confused and disoriented I was literally making sure my body was there and that I could feel. Bc I was like “Did I reincarnate?? Did I reincarnate and very soon I’ll forget all of my past life and this is the last thought I’ll ever have of my old self?” but like no bitch its called waking up 🥴😭

#13 #AAAAA #I’m going crazy I’m actually going crazy #😭 this isn’t even mentioning my dumb ass delusions either #I haven’t had loud audio and more intense visually hallucinations in a while but now I’m worried they’re going to start happening #recently i had a dream that a cat was lying on me purring and I was petting it #And when I woke up I was still petting it and jt had move down to lying on my stomach #only for me to blink and it disapeared #I haven’t had a visual hallucination while actively concious since I was in 6th grade. #If I focus enough on it I’m also starting to hear disembodied whispering in audio or sounds #I’m hearing a thought or sound so loud in my head that it actually startles me bc it sounds like it went off next to my ear #Its getting hard fighting off me dissociating bc I keep goin in and out when im in public #And Im doing it a lot on vc too #nights have been okay for me for the past like several months #But now when I have a psychotic episode its super intense #its so intense to the point where while actively having a panic attack abt dying in my sleep #I’ll get so fucking stressed and panicked that even when im fighting drowsiness i’ll pass out #and I won’t remember passing out #dissociative amnesia #psychosis #tw: death mention #tw: unreality

[milo-is-rambling]

Couldn’t sleep so I went to get up thinking oh I’ll have to grind weed so I can fall back asleep and then I thought no I’ll take a a dab but I thought no that’s too much I’ll just smoke flower and then I went to get up and I accidentally lifted my blanket too high and knocked over the little jar I had on my bedside table that had ALLL OF THE INCENSE STICKS IVE COLLECTED FROM THE LAST TWO YEARS IN IT. So I breathed. And I breathed. And I turned my light on. And I got really annoyed and picked up small sticks that blend in with my floor for five minutes and then I breathed some more and couldn’t fit all the sticks back in the jar bc they’d been placed meticulously so they all laid perfectly against one side so there was still room to put more and I was not about to individually put all those sticks in that jar when all I wanted to do was to smoke and take off the heavier blanket and pass out. So I moved the incense sticks to my skull jar that I haven’t used in a while and now it looks like this.

But I did earn a dab being allowed from my brain in the process. So yay me. Also funk has been absolutely SCREAMING at me at the top of his little bird lungs bc I turned the light on to smoke and play accidental pick up sticks for twenty minutes and it’s giving me a headache and it’s just like godddddd how can everything go so wrong so fast not just me knocking over a jar of sticks but like. Life. Something about me collecting all my incense sticks and ash since I first moved into this house two years ago and then accidentally dropping the sticks like two days after I accidentally spilled incense ash all over my bed and didn’t even tell anyone cause it made me so annoyed and ashamed for some reason and I can’t even explain why I’m collecting the sticks or the ash. Like I have no fucking clue what I’m doing or why. I started collecting incense ash like three years ago when my friend and I went thru a ooo witchcraft phase and I just never stopped dumping the ash from my ashtray into a cheese container with a small plastic spoon like I don’t even know why I’m doing it I just set myself down this path and now I’m here and I’m attached to a jar of fucking kindling at this point like why did I cry over knocking over a jar of sticks what is wrong with me does it ever get easier why have I been taking my meds for almost 100 days and I still lose my shit over little things I feel like I will never be normal I will never get to be the person that will make my parents proud I feel like I’m constantly gonna be finding myself making one wrong move and ruin the thing I’m doing just to pretend I’m doing something with my life like I don’t even know what I want to do in the future there’s so many options everything is so scary forever I went to Walmart and I wanted to crawl into the squishmallow display and just die like if one more person looks at me and acknowledges I have a body I feel like I’ll lose my shit like oh my god I know I’m mentally ill but fucking hell. Just give me a break (I say while not having a job not doing school not even doing theater rn I’m just sitting at home in my brain and losing my mind waiting for therapy on the third) I’m so close to having someone to help me untangle my brain I really want to open up I want to feel like I can I want to remember shit I always forget I want to avoid crisis modes and be normal I want to get a job I want to shut up. Literally ever. If I could ever at any point learn to shut my fucking mouth and brain mouth up at the same time. Would be fucking fantastic. It seems impossible. Either I’m not thinking when I’m talking and then I’m an asshole or I’m not talking bc I’m thinking so hard about how I’m an asshole. Like either way in my head I am a shitty person forever and like I know I’ve been shitty like I know I’ve done shitty things but like I’m not broken forever I know there’s food in here but I need someone else to force me to see it bc I can’t find it on my own and I don’t trust it when it comes from my family or friends and a part of my brain says oh ur paying ur therapist to say that

But i want a therapist who will call me out on my bullshit and would tell me if I was being the asshole in the situation yknow. Anyways this is a lot of text and I’m not going to reread it all have fun going to the internet rambling blog void block of text goodbye gonna smoke a bowl and pass the fuck out hopefully my back and neck will stop hurting and I will stop being too hot and too cold at the same time and I will not have nightmares about past relationships or future relationships or picking incense sticks up for forever and they all match the color of the carpet and also it’s fine cause they look better in the skull jar and it’s fine and it doesn’t make me irrationally mad still even tho I picked them all up but I don’t know for sure if I got them all but I think I did but it’s going to bother me if I find them on my floor tomorrow. Okay bye

[sadboyythoughts]

It’s not your job?

Whoever said it was your job?

Being respectful of my relationship? How is that being respectful? Tell me that, you said you were gonna leave so you can focus on your partner which is definitely understandable but you said you were going and that should help my relationship? Time after time I defended our relationship to people.

When do you ever jump through hoops to be in my life? Never. You came and went. When ever you wanted and I let you back in EVERY SINGLE TIME. That’s on my that’s my bad. Yes you emailed me, but it was a half ass email. Nothing about showing you cared about our relationship. So yes I still have you blocked bc you didn’t put in no effort.

I did not throw you out the window. You up and left. Again.

You never “forced” your self in my life. I always working you back in. I always end up falling for you and the fact that I can never end up with you is what hurts every time. But you don’t see that. I also did not put you down constantly. I said everything I had to say to you about how I was feeling. We had conversations about it yes. But I didn’t constantly tell you shit about the past. An yeah you had earned my trust and my love back that I always had for you. I let my walls down for you. You picked who you wanted to be with for the rest of your life and I don’t blame you at all for that bc I can never give you what you need if I was able to maybe you’d be with me but I can’t and there for you’re not. But apparently I’m a dead horse? Sheesh man. Good to know. All I do is take.. good to know.

Never said I was going to blame you for being a Gemini dude. Despite how much I hate Geminis I didn’t hate you I always took you back. ALWAYS.

You mite not remember this but every time you left I always begged you. I always tried to message you. I cried so much over you. So yeah it takes time for someone to trust again. After all you did was take and leave. You made me feel used. This time? I don’t feel used just disappointed. Even if it was a miss communication simply saying you didn’t want me to leave, something in that aspect I wouldn’t of done what I did. But you will never understand that. Bc apparently all I do is take.

I get it. You wanted to leave my life so it wouldn’t hurt you as much. But if the tables where turned you still show no sign of anything.

I’ll always be just some girl you kissed when you a kid.

Now you tell me to forget you? Fine. You’re right what’s the point. We’d never have a future together. I’d never be good enough for you.

You had said nice things before about me. But then you go and say things that you know that will hurt me.

I won’t make you a villain in my story bc there’s no story. We were friends. Nothing came out of it. No story to tell.

I’m sorry for blocking you. I hope you do have a nice wedding and everything. I hope you get through all your hard times. I do wish you the best.

Ps. This hurt me the most I have ever been hurt. An it all has to be silent. Not like I can vent to anyone about it so I’ll just let it slowly kill me.

[chronic-invisibility]

TW sa and trauma mentions

When i was in the hospital for the first time, i remembered/realized/stopped being in denial about some pretty seriously traumatic experiences during the summer of 2019, including being SA’d. I thought for the longest time that it was a really fucked up dream and didn’t really happen, because i should remember something like that, right? But of course that’s not really true, bc brains will make you forget or dismiss trauma if you’re not able to handle it. And also, there were definitely substances involved, some of which i know what they were and some of which I’m not sure what it actually was i took that night. I either fell asleep or blacked out or passed out, no idea which and no idea for how long. I also don’t know the exact date, only an estimate of the month and change where it must have happened, or if anyone other than the person who was on top of me when i woke up was involved, bc i have no idea how long i was unconscious or what specifically happened while i was unconscious. I barely remembered anything from that night but someone said maybe i should try journaling to get my fears about it out and maybe it would help, and once i started writing, some details started coming back from that night, other than the unknown period of time when i was unconscious. Like, way more details than i thought would come back, especially considering how intoxicated i was. That being said, i don’t know if i’ll ever really know everything that happened that night, which also doesn’t make me feel better bc what if something worse than what i do remember happened? There’s only one person in that apartment who i fully trust to have not been involved with the whole situation other than being in the other room, and she’s the only person who i’d trust to tell me the truth if she knew anything about what happened, but i lost contact with her and i have no idea how to get ahold of her again, much less if she would want to hear from me again, regardless of this situation. Obviously i’d like to get back in touch with my friend just bc i miss her, but also bc she’s the only one who i know wouldn’t have been involved with this and would tell me the truth if she knew anything.

I kept freaking myself out and saying “i just wish i’d know for sure if something happened or not, like if nothing happened i’d rather know that so i can stop worrying, and if something did happen i wish i could just know bc then i could deal with it” but then my brain basically said, “you wanna know? Fine bitch, now you know” and i’m like “no thank you i changed my mind put it back i don’t like this” but i was the one who wanted to know, so i have to deal with the knowing and not knowing. Eventually i’ll try to work on this specifically in therapy, but for right now i need to get better at dealing with my day to day issues before i can actually deal with trauma stuff. But i can’t stop thinking about all of this and scaring myself and wishing i knew more and wishing i could ask my friend about it and wishing i didn’t remember any of it and wishing none of it ever happened in the first place. But i can’t go back and fix any of this, and i may never get back in touch with my friend, i may never truly know everything that happened that night. I just don’t know how to deal with all that right now, but i can’t do a whole lot other than try to take things day by day and get to a better place where i can work on this.

[modmad]

wow so that story about the photography/rights was so scary- I'm glad it all worked out, do you have any other pearls of wisdom won the hard way? I'm young but so scared of the world and I want to learn all I can ahead of time ;;

Okay so I’m putting this under a cut bc it will be lengthy, it was also stressful as heck so while I’ll write it lightheartedly do know that I’m talking about something that has caused me ludicrous levels of anxiety when and ever since it happened, though with that came a great worldly wisdom. In summary this is the tale of-

Trust your gut. Pay up front. Do not work with crazy.

I will make this vague so as to protect the identity of the person, but if you guess or figure it out I do not want you to go after them for several reasons: one being that perhaps they have changed, but the honest fact is I am afraid of ever being linked to them again and any resurgence of this event could cause that.

Now to the part where I try to make this all sound sort of funny.

Long story short(er) I needed someone to make music for a project- I’d collaborated before with people I knew, but was running out of time, so connected with a new person through my place of study. At first it seemed fine! They were good at piano, knew what I was looking for, and other than a slightly odd way of writing in their emails all seemed well. I asked what the price would be: it sounded reasonable, and I offered to pay upfront or at least pay half in advance.

This is where the bridge began to crumble, kids. They refused. They wanted the whole payment after they’d made the music.

Now this might sound okay to some of you- great! More time to get the money together, right? But I had the money, I wanted to pay and do it right, 'have it over with', so to say. I always take payment in advance to protect myself when I’m doing commissions for people, so this was odd to me. Thinking it might be modesty I offered twice and they refused again, and not wanting to insult them I conceded.

Fool’s errand. You see, taking payment in advance is a protection for the artist, yes- but it is also protection for the buyer. But I did not know this, at the time...

Fast forward to the end: the project is done, music is great, when and how can I pay you? I ask. In person in cash on the night of *insert large important event that you are going to as well*, they say. Oh, sure! I said. I didn’t say that made me feel uncomfortable, which it did, because I didn’t want to have to take out a large cash sum and be carrying it around with me. Still, perhaps they had reasons, and the work was done so I agreed.

What I hadn’t anticipated, and could not have anticipated, was what happened next: I forgot to take the money with me.

Now before you think the worst: to give you some context (which you only have my word to believe but those who know me and have worked with me professionally I am certain can attest to)- I have never been in debt. I have never missed payments. I have never even been overdrawn with my bank account. This is not because I am the superior being, so organised or wealthy that such things are impossible! No, it’s because I am a tiny frightened little beast who can think of nothing more ghastly and terrifying than being in debt. I hate the idea of borrowing money so much that I have not even taken out a loan even during the direst times, and have literally arm wrestled my friends to pay for their lunch rather than the other way around.

You must also understand that I, small and anxious beastie that I am, have a brain that has a very limited capacity, and this event was huge for me- so important that it was the climax of the year, something I had been looking forwards to for months. I was so occupied trying not to forget myself, that I simply forgot the money: which I had! In my wallet, back home, in the wallet I forgot.

Comes the meeting: where’s the money? Oh shit, says I.

Giddy and embarrassed and trying not to fall behind the group that is moving on to the after party, a once in a lifetime event I could not afford to miss, I hope that this can be understood: Can I pay you tomorrow? I ask. I get a shade of kill bill sirens from the look they give me, but nothing further as I cannot be delayed any further. We depart, I move on, and experience one of the happiest nights of my life with people that I love.

I return to my flat and, possibly the biggest mistake yet? Check my emails before turning in to bed.

Lo: they have sent me the most angry, offensive email I have ever received, accusing me of duping them and threatening law action if I do not pay immediately. Remember what I said about paying in advance also protecting the payer? Yeah.

My anxiety gives way to outrage. I am insulted and sad and angry, and the worst of it is that even now I cannot remember the events of that happiest night with any clarity, because the party and the preceding event are so mired and blocked by the enormity of the mortification that single email caused me. I am with someone at the time, fortunately, so I have someone to grief with, though I rage and strike my desk so hard that I hurt my right wrist. So badly, in fact, that it has never fully recovered (at the time I had no idea of my pre-existing condition). In that moment I am so past any level of indignation I have ever felt before that it is an hour before I feel any pain. Meanwhile, said friend replies to the email as calmly as they can (surely a blessing, I cannot fathom having replied myself), and a payment is made via paypal within the hour: something which I offered to do on day one, right from the first conversation.

Is there a happy ending? No. Not really. That piece of work is forever poisoned for me, and other people who enjoy it can never know how much I wish it had another soundtrack. The memories of the event and evening are, as I said, inextricable from the trauma of that person’s email- something a therapist had to explain to me in later years- and all of it could have been avoided if I had paid when I wanted to, and offered to, back in the beginning.

The only commiseration I have is that perhaps people who read this Aesop's tale will be more willing than I was to listen to the little voice that chimes when talking to prospective partners. If you get a twinge of doubt- listen to it, what is it? Talk to it. What does it feel like? Where in your body? Find a word to describe it. Have you felt it before, and been right about something? Our bodies are finely tuned survival machines, and while we don’t always understand how or why, they often pick up on danger signals early in the game. Society and ‘politeness’ sometimes compels us to ignore them, and I have found time and time again that it is foolish to do so. I make the same mistakes even now, but much less often, and maybe you will make them even less often than me.

Don’t ignore your gut instincts, and remember to pay and take payments in advance if you can. Even in the worst case of 'if you pay and the person doesn’t produce the work on time', that puts you in the right: you have evidence, you did the right thing, and you are protected.

Take care of yourself folks, and if you get a ‘this person might be crazy’ vibe? Back away. Just back away.

#advice #bit of a heavy one but you know #I feel better! #I feel better for sharing this one #thanks anon

[adrikazu]

I noticed you had a danganronpa pfp soo I was wondering, could I possibly request some headcanons for Venti, Albdeo and Xiao with a s/o who's extremely similar to Chiaki Nanami? Has a gaming addiction, constantly sleepy, an optimist ya know, all that jazz✨

READER WHOS LIKE CHIAKI NANAMI

FEATURING— venti, albedo, xiao

GENRE— fluff!

NOTES— chiaki nanami is a character from danganronpa two, whos always sleepy and has a gaming addiction. also i love chiaki so much, thank you :)) also MODERN AU because i don’t think there’s video games in tevyat D:

WARNINGS— nothing! fluff

VENTI

lowkey very lowkey jealous of your gaming console

he wants attention !!! and ur giving all of your attention to those annoying square with a screen and buttons !!!!

but he thinks your sleepiness is very cute and sometimes wonders if you ever sleep.

it’s either video games, or he keeps you awake to do something dumb

he admires your optimism, ande he totally agrees with you

sometimes he gets really tired from running around everywhere and he lays down next to you, and both of you pass out together

anyone who walks in, sees two idiots on the floor, one clinging onto the other, passed out

its very cute

if you ever get involved in something and have to try and argue, venti is literally your hypeman

HES CHEERING YOU ONNN

overall he finds your energy and personality cute and attractive

it doesnt always have to match his, but hes okay with it

but he PREPAREDDD

He’s going to bother you 24/7 no matter what you’re doing

so if you’re playing a game he’s gonna cling into you

and yell at you for attention

a little menace i know

ALBEDO

I have a gut feeling he had a game boy or a 3DS when he was younger

so he kind of gets your addiction

he’ll definitely ask if he can play with you too

it’s DEFINITELY WORTH IT

bc he’s so good at it

albedo for the most part will hang out with you quietly while you play

sometimes he’ll watch

he won’t bother you for attention but if it comes down to it, he’ll nudge for it if anything

i’ll bet anything that albedo doesn’t sleep much or at all

this man survives on caffeine

while you sleep next to him he’s probably gonna do focusing on work or experiments

but he’ll definitely admire your features while you sleep

he would never admit it tho

if you feel like someone’s watching you in your sleep, just tell him and he’ll immediately stop

there’ll be days he’s so exhausted from not sleeping that he’ll just pass out next to you

that’ll be a normal sleeping night that happens once a while ehe

it’s nice but it’s also kind of concerning

albedo is more of a realist, and he’s not a very critical so he’s happy to learn more about your point of view of seeing things

he admires it knowing he couldn’t change his way of seeing, and he doesn’t have a problem with the contrast so it’s nice

when a problem comes up both of you can try different solutions and whichever works first wins

like escape rooms, puzzles, etc

he loves that type of thing

XIAO

oh my lord

he’s so so so jealous

insert frowning xiao

but i have a feeling he would try to ask you to play with him

he’s good at gaming, i swear

to be honest he doesn’t have a time to stop so you guys could go on and on in games for a WHILEEE

very competitive and will probably keep asking you to challenge him again if he loses

if he wins, his pride 📈📈📈

he will probably raise his voice while playing, and get angry

xiao doesn’t sleep either, probably less than albedo

so if you sleep beside him he’ll look at you confused and then forget about it

he .. doesn’t really care 🗿

but if you want, he’ll keep you company and try to fall asleep if he can

please convince him to try to sleep more often

he barely does

xiao gets irritated by your optimistic atmosphere

he’s like “that’s not how it works”

or “give up”

angry boy

trust me he’ll accept your point of view later on, hopefully

it might rub off on him to be honest, he kind of needs that optimistic type of view in his life

secretly very thankful when he realizes it but he won’t say anything

put both of you in an arguement teamed up and no one can contradict you or him

both of you are unstoppable

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #xiao x reader #albedo x reader #venti x reader #xiao headcanons #albedo headcanons #venti headcanons #venti fluff #albedo fluff #xiao fluff #albedo hcs #xiao hcs #venti hcs #genshin impact x reader #genshin fluff #genshin headcanons #genshin impact venti #genshin impact albedo #genshin impact xiao #fluff #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact imagine #genshin imagine #xiao imagine #albedo imagine #venti imagine #venti the bard

[ddarker-dreams]

FINALLY SOMEONE SAID THE TRUTH.

I admit that i enjoyed act 3 but it feels like really rushed i have so much complain with that.

The build up until act 2 was so good it give us so much premise but the final blow si meh. Sorry that i want to share thing long rant with you

1. Why the final talk is with yae, no offense to her but we need ei to explain not to mention she witness khaenriah downfall so she can give us more information, i feel like they do it for the plot armor so they can just keep dragging this

2. So many things that quite inconsistant, the shogun is show no mercy to anyone that even did a little thing outside what she think its right, how come she can still have a talk with signora, when sara is falling like that, and also there is no clarification about sara right now.

The traveler was so done at first they refuse to help thoma and ayaka at the beginning. But they seem so happy and forget everything how come they are not RAGE ( okay maybe this is to bias and personal) when this nation provide nothing about our siblings information and also why they are not mention anything about their problem in ei stroy quest. Its nonsense! She is right in front of youu, ask about your siblings, ask about khaenriah, ask about ukmown god!!. How come they can just forget like that. Also mihoyo really waste the potential about twin things i thing ei will give us so much help bcs of the sympathy that we both rn lost our twin but noooo.

3. Kokomi seem lost some brain cell, she make a very succesfull grand intro but she become meh in act 3, how come a great strategist like her let the sus sponsorship slip just bcs they are desperate, not to mention her screen time is really small and her role seem so unsignificant and it feels lile she is a plain npc.

4. The awesome world quest that we have done doesnt get any mention at all! Inazuma owe us so much with cleansing sakura, thunder sakura, tatarigami, obarashi quest. It has so much potential that yae or ei or anyone else aknowledge what traveler has been done but nooo.

cracks knuckles... i suppose it's time for my promised dissertation. interestingly enough, you touched on a lot of the main issues i had with chapter III.

i think that if i had to pin the main issue, it's a lack of overall cohesiveness? we were jumping all over the place without the chance to ever flesh things out. inazuma is a smaller cast, but i feel like we didn't get to see any of them shine. since i'm most interested in the genshin characters, i'll break down my problems by going over everyone and their (lack) of impact on the story.

was ayaka not questioned or placed under suspicion for being close to thoma before his escape? i wanted to see her broken up over her duties as they relate to the yashiro commission, paired with having someone she genuinely cares about in danger. it would've been an interesting struggle if she was forced to choose one or the other. instead she just kinda took a back seat.

speaking of thoma, i don't even have anything to say, because he just... was there? for .0001 seconds. said "lol this sucks ig" and that's about it. i know we're going to get a story for him in the future since he's a 5* but i'm not getting my hopes up 😭 then in the raiden shogun's character story, man is peachy keen! be upset with the raiden shogun! have some inner conflict! even if it's just using loaded language because he's under surveillance for going against the raiden shogun, that'd be so cool. saying something like,

"Traveler, what's with that expression? Oh please, there's nothing to worry about. We're under the Statue of the Omnipresent God's protection. Nothing bad has ever happened here." *wink*

i also don't know what to say about gorou. he was... there....... i think. what is he fighting for? what are the stakes for him? what makes him place so much trust into kokomi? i'm out of things to say about him because i don't remember anything he did or said.

kokomi... oh kokomi... i was so hyped. so excited. i thought that maybe we could see a foil to the raiden shogun. that she'd have a moment where she's forced to realize, just like her opponent, sacrifices must be made that will hurt people who will never understand why she made them. or maybe something to show her military prowess. but instead she just accepts a mysterious patron's help (?), sees her people aging like the grateful dead from JJBA, and goes oh well. that sucks. what can ya do. oh bye traveler i guess, good luck with that. ????????????? HUH... similar case to thoma where she's gonna get a character story but like. she won't be the leader of the resistance anymore. that was her whole shtick. they took her shtick away. also she forced me to interact with more NPCs whose names i've already forgotten so i'm tilted about that still.

KUJOU SARA... AN INJUSTICE. A DISGRACE. a slap to my woman loving face. the build up was there. yae miko's comments about sara probably knowing the tenryou commission is involved in shady dealings, but is choosing not to think about it. sara being forced to confront reality and challenge her adopted father with the truth. being able to blaze a new path for herself in the process. when she started running to the raiden shogun i was ultra hyped up. sara, a devotee to the shogun for so long, was about to see her god interacting with the same people who led inazuma to this awful state. how would she react? would she stay ignorant, like yae miko so coyly said, choosing to look away in favor of following her god's footsteps? or would she be forced to recognize the raiden shogun isn't as divine as she once thought, and challenge her belief system?

we open the door to see the raiden shogun. the loading screen ensues. the camera pans to the ominous room, clouded in darkness, hinting at the ominous confrontation that is to come. the music takes a serious timbre. and then...

well fuck that potential character arc i guess. (we still don't know what sara made of any of this since she poofed out of existence from the story at this point)

kazuha also was handed a similar treatment. we've been with him for a while longer now. he is our introduction into inazuma, the one who first gets us emotionally involved by regaling us with the bittersweet tale of friendship that led him to becoming a wanted criminal. a kind soul who loves nature yet was dealt a cruel hand by fate, forced to watch his home nation turn into a hostile place, where his dear friend ultimately perished as a result. we get the scene with his friend's vision lighting back up. he parries a block from the raiden shogun, in the same area where his friend was killed by her. the parallels. the drama. except this time, he wasn't too late. he protected the traveler where he "failed" to protect his friend in the past. did he feel redemption at this? or was it a bittersweet reminder of what could've been?

WELL i guess we'll never know because we didn't get to talk to him again 😭 idk who got a bait and switch worse, him or sara. jesus christ mihoyo.

then we have signora. why is the raiden shogun talking to her? does she know about the gnosis being taken, and if she doesn't, what was her plan to get it from the archon? what does she think about scaramouche? and oh, okay, we're fighting here now. good fight + god tier music. pog pog. okay, now we've beaten her up, and raiden shogun wyd— wait no not signora her lore is still on CUPS not YET raiden shogun and— ah she's dead. okay. non nerds who didn't read artifact lore are going to know nothing about her. signora has such an interesting story, and yet... well. ok.

then we get raiden shogun redemption (?) arc. i was hype for this as well, though at that point, idk why i bothered being hype. i knew they were gonna do a cute power of friendship something or another, and i'm good with that, so long as it's executed well. what i was envisioning was like seven different buffs to correspond with the seven different visions, the dreams of those whose ambitions were stolen serving as the spear to penetrate the raiden shogun's heart of stone. maybe a hydro vision giving us extra healing for a time, with the voice acting over it being like,

"Even if the rest of the world forgets us, let our will carry you through this one final time. Succeed where we couldn't, Traveler."

so on and so forth.

but instead we got— you get the idea at this point. why bother spelling it out anymore.

at that point i was surprised the raiden shogun didn't go "oopsie woopsie!! we made a fucky wucky!!!" because that was the vibe i was getting. i love ei, don't get me wrong, but i wanted to see her challenged with what she had done to inazuma in the past year. maybe meeting NPC #2345259 who lost her sister to the vision decree or something, reminding ei of the love she held for her sister... being forced to come to terms with the extent of what she's done in pursuit of eternity.

anyway. please for the love of god mihoyo hire better writers for the main story. that is all i ask. thank you.

#genshin impact spoilers #answered #Anonymous

[yoonpobs]

bodyguard | kth | m

pairing: kim taehyung x oc

genre: enemies to lovers, Bodyguard!AU but oc is the bodyguard, fluff?

warnings: eventual smut, sexual tension, light choking, suggestive content bc oc is a minx and so is tae, i'll add as the story progresses, kim taehyung as a rich kid

words: 2, 138

summary: you protect taehyung from people but forget about the biggest threat. yourself.

“You’re who Namjoon hired?”

You’re used to having bewildered expressions when they find out that you out of all other possible candidates was what your agency decided to provide clients with rather than an objectively more stereotypical option—the big man.

But you were here for a specific reason and you knew that your duty lied in your responsibility to the man in front of you, even if his expression of doubt irritates you.

“Yes, Mr Kim. My name is ____.” You bow your head slightly, hands held together by your pelvis as you stand with your back straight.

The man in front of you glances over at his assistant, who only shoots him a firm nod as if to tell him that he was in fact stuck with you, despite all the uncertainties he may have.

Frankly, when Seokjin first recruited you into the agency, you were merely meant to be in charge of off-field duties and act as intel for field agents, but few of your previous mentors recognised your potential and physical agility when it came to mandatory training and pushed for you to be trained as an official agent rather than a tech lady.

You were lucky that a few of your colleagues had long ditched the misogynistic mindset that women were biologically weaker than men and would serve as a liability to the agency, but there were still a few higher-ups that were traditional in every sense that stuck their noses in your business when Seokjin would assign you to high profile clients.

Kim Taehyung was no different, but you were sure he fell into the latter of the traditional man. He did come from a lineage of old money.

“But you’re a … woman.” He says slowly, eyeing you up and down.

Even the outfit you were in was far off the usual appearance that most bodyguards would take on the first day of work. A long dress with a maxi slit by your leg, which left little to imagine what lies beneath. You bite your tongue to keep the snarky remark down and nod your head tightly to your new boss.

“I best fit the requirements you listed out to my agency.” Is your simple response.

His assistant steps between the two of you before your boss can say anything else, and based on your observations you note that he probably is the rationale behind Kim Taehyung’s mind; the reasonable and objective one.

“I’ll show ____ around headquarters just so she’s aware of the layout.” His assistant says hastily.

You don’t miss the last look your boss gives you, and all you do is bow your head before you turn on your heels, pulling out the gun in your garter and hold it behind your back—ready for duty.

“Jesus fucking Christ, _____.”

You’re used to hearing Taehyung sneer at you. It was something that you needed to get used to when you first were hired for the job because while he was known as an icon, a genius behind his father’s legacy—he was still wholly immature in every sense of a man child.

“Yes, Mr Kim?” You say blandly, flipping through the brochure that was laying idly on his coffee table; clearly ignoring the glare he was shooting you as he wraps the robe tighter around his frame.

Before he can open his mouth to yell at you again, you see the silhouette of the woman that was previously occupying his bed scurry past by the two of you, offering a meek bow of her head towards Taehyung before she’s out the door.

Your eyes follow her uninterestedly until you hear the click of the door, signalling that she was out and gone.

“What is your problem? Is my sex life something you need to protect too?” Taehyung spits.

You skim your eyes over his frame and spot a few marks littered along the expanse of his neck before your eyes rest on his tightened expression; your own one remaining impassive.

“My duty is to ensure you’re safe.” You remind him.

He scoffs, running a hand through his tangled hair—a clear testament to what he was engaging in before you had shamelessly kicked the woman out, mid-progression.

“Hyunbi is harmless.” He sneers at you.

You note that his erratic behaviour was likely a symptom of being cock-blocked, so you hold your tongue and just level him with an unimpressed stare.

“Hyunbi is the heir to the Im group. Need I remind you that her father’s company is the one that threatens your stockholders?”

Frankly, you try to engage with Taehyung on business matters as little as you could because all you were here for was to protect him and ensure that his head wouldn’t be served on the plate of an assassin that was out to get him.

You scoff to yourself because men were truly blinded by their desires and he would’ve risked his family’s fortune because he wanted to get laid.

“Okay, and? She was about to suck my dick not steal intel to the company.” He scoffs.

You don’t say anything but drop the files you found in her purse as you were doing your much-needed background checks on the woman that was visiting on such short notice, especially given the fact that she managed to bypass the system on being on the list before she was sent up.

The moment the beautiful women stepped foot into the apartment, you knew something was off about her. It was intuition from years of training under your belt, but also a womanly instinct. An intuitive sense that told you that she was going to wreak havoc if she could, and it was your duty to prevent that from happening.

“What’s this?” He picks up the documents to skim over the contents.

You don’t say anything but keep your eyes focused on his expression when you see it morph from confusion to realisation and pure mortification.

“She was going to blackmail me?” He asks in a disbelieving tone.

You nod your head.

“And if I hadn’t intervened then she would have probably falsely claimed that she was carrying your child.”

Taehyung shoves the documents aside and rubs his hands across his face, releasing a grunt as he lays back into the expensive leather of his couch.

“I can’t even get laid.” He huffs.

You roll your eyes.

“Taehyung,” You call out to him sternly, and when he opens one eye to look at you, only then do you continue, “You need to be more careful with who you fraternise with. You’re the CEO of the biggest manufacturing company in Korea and that is bound to make you a target to competitors. I can’t be cross-checking every single person you come across because my job is to protect you from physical harm—not be your mother.”

He narrows his eyes at you, and you see the petulance skim the surface of his iris as he leans forward, ensuring that his gaze is kept on your blank expression.

“So, that’s it? I can’t fuck around with anyone? Just because of my position? That’s a load of bullshit ____.” He snaps.

You purse your lips and give him a pointed glare.

“Stop twisting my words. Fuck who you like but be smart about who you stick your dick into.” You tell him lowly.

“Then I might as well fuck you, right? You’re the only person I can trust.” He sneers, leaning closer to you.

Your eyes widen, and your stoic demeanour is interrupted with his blunt words.

While you couldn’t deny that your boss was undeniably attractive, and alluded major sex appeal—he was still your boss and you would never cross professional boundaries no matter how much your body betrayed you. Even the Taehyung’s banter got much more … explicit and flirty, you brushed it off as him being himself. But he’s never explicitly stated anything like that before.

When you realise you’re gaping at him, you quickly try to compose yourself but unfortunately for you, he immediately catches on your surprised expression and bathes in it.

He smirks at you, standing up to walk across to where you were sat and plops next to you, a bit too close for a boss to be to his bodyguard.

“I’m right, aren’t I? You said to be smart and fuck someone who won’t have anything against me.” He whispers into your ear and you try to stop the shivers that travel down your body.

Taehyung notices how tense you are and reaches an arm to trail down your neck, slowly and teasingly until it rests on your hipbone.

You curse yourself for wearing only a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, since it was meant to be your day off until you were made aware of Hyunbi’s visit.

“Watch your mouth, Kim Taehyung.” You grit.

He snorts but nuzzles his nose into the column of your neck, and you feel the hot breath fan across your skin.

“You’re not denying it. Does that mean you want me to fuck you? Nice and deep?” He whispers the words against your skin and you can’t help the involuntary clamp of your thighs.

Taehyung, even as dense as he is, picks up on your movement immediately and reaches his other hand to keep your thighs apart, large hand sprawled across your thigh and you marvel for a moment at how big his hands are.

“Bet I could fuck the uptightness out of you, sweets.”

“Did you forget that I know everything about you?” You hiss, attempting to sound threatening but that only causes Taehyung to grin wider.

“Ooo. I love it when you get bitchy with me.” He teases, rubbing a circle with his thumb on your inner thigh as you feel desire pool in your belly.

“You’re insufferable.” You huff and you hate the way you sound breathless.

“Did I ever tell you how much your bitchiness turns me on? Always dreamed of shutting you up with my cock.” He confesses against your cheek this time and your eyes widen comically, your own hand clamping over his one over your thigh.

As Taehyung momentarily gets distracted with mouthing at your ear, you come to your senses and realise that you’re becoming the pawn in his game.

You quickly flip him over, until he’s settled under you with your knees sprawled next to his thighs, pelvis’ nearly touching as he smirks at you.

“Listen, Kim,” You whisper, leaning down until your noses are touching and you can spot every freckle on his face. He leans up to chase your breath but you don’t allow him the satisfaction of caving in.

“You’d never be able to handle my pussy.” You grin at him.

His eyes darken, and you feel his hands rest tightly on your hip.

You straddle his thighs and lean in until you’re sure his cock feels your pussy against him through the barrier of his robe and your shorts.

“Try me.” He challenges, mirth dancing in his eyes.

“You know why?” You lean into his ear to whisper, and your hands trail down his chest slowly and seductively until they reach the opening of the robe where his pelvis is, touch teasing and suggestive, especially when his breath hitches.

“Why?” He attempts to grind up to you, blinded by his carnal desire.

“Because …” You bite his earlobe and hear the grunt he lets out, cock unmistakably hardening until your core.

“Once you fuck me, you’ll never be able to fuck any other pussy without wishing it was mine.” You say as you pepper kisses down his jaw, right up to his chin until your lips are hovering above his.

But as soon as he attempts to close the distance, you push yourself off of him and return to your stoic and professional stance.

“You have a meeting with your investors in twenty.”

Taehyung gapes at you, the outline of his cock clear against the thin material of his robe as he releases heavy breaths of want as he looks at you in disbelief.

“You can’t be serious.” He snaps.

You shrug your shoulders and cock your head to the clock behind him.

“Good luck getting ready, Kim.” You say with a final smirk, enjoying the fact that you had him frustrated and high.

“This isn’t the end, _____.” He says lowly.

“You better hurry up and hope you finish in less than twenty minutes.” You tease, and you see the tip of his ears burn.

“Maybe I’ll give it five.” You say, flipping your hair over your shoulder and making sure to add a little sway to your hips when you walk away.

You briefly hear a fuck being uttered when you open the door to leave, and you feel triumphant with what you left him with.

#bts fic #bts imagine #bts fics #bts imagines #bts fluff #bts smut #bts taehyung #bts v #taehyung x reader #taehyung fic #taehyung imagine #taehyung fluff #taehyung smut #kim taehyung x reader #Kim taehyung smut #kim taehyung smut #smut #fluff #taehyung enemies to lovers

[tartagilicious]

sun and moon > xiao

happy (late-ish) valentine’s day yall! thank you, mihoyo, for once again reminding me that i’m easily attached to emotionally unavailable pretty boys. the "I hate everyone but you" trope is real here, I wanna be his friend and gain his trust like this is a mf otome game. to anyone still pulling for him, good luck~ don’t worry, you have a little bit more time and more free rewards are also on the way!! have some soft xiao for good luck >:D // w.c 1.9k // not a request 

also a big ty to @seerie​ for being my beta reader, bc I don’t know what I’m doing 🥴

summer sky by asking for a friend

You hiss softly as Xiao runs a damp cloth over the gash adorning the length of your cheekbone, face scrunching as his eyes narrow in concentration. It feels somehow wrong to have him taking care of you, much less sitting in front of you and dressing your wounds himself.

A majority of the bleeding had stopped not long ago, but there's still another fear that plagues you more -- your agreement with the yaksha adeptus, or rather contract, specifically trying to combat injuries on your behalf.

You aren’t sure if chickening out on calling him in the midst of the situation you were hurt is grounds for breaking the contract somehow, though either way, Xiao has always seemed to be quite serious regarding his promises. You remember his first and only instructions to you weeks ago being clear and concise,

“If you awake to a knife at your throat, if monsters dig their claws into you, if death comes knocking at your door, call out my name; adeptus Xiao. I will be here when you call.”

Surely a small wound like this wasn’t serious enough?

Xiao pulls the fabric away from your face and silently notes what must be the mess of blood covering it, lips turning up in a grimace. His standards of emergency are usually as one would expect, though lately for whatever reason, even the smallest of your wounds tend to put him in a bad mood.

From such a standoffish person, it’s a bit hard to get used to or understand -- but a part of you is only happy to know that there’s a chance he might care more than he lets on.

“...The abyss mages, they just came out of nowhere,” You try to explain but the silence is deafening. Eyes downcast to the stool beneath your legs, you mumble, “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Xiao doesn’t give any more of a reaction than an arched brow and a slight gesture with the gruesomely dyed cloth. You half expect him to be irritated; to give you a lecture on keeping an eye on your surroundings or to take better care of yourself, but he doesn’t. Instead, he looks away and shakes his head, spiking your nerves with a low sigh.

He looks back at you as he rests his elbow on his knee and thrusts out the cloth again, almost in exasperation. “Why didn’t you call my name?”

You feel the blood drain from your face as the words leave his mouth, and suddenly, you’re terrified to answer honestly. As already long-established, Xiao is someone who despite thousands of years of trauma, remains as hard as the rock of the nation he watches over. Compared to his lifespan, you’re relatively immature, so the last thing you want is to give an embarrassing reason to make him think that you suddenly don’t trust him enough to help.

“I-I don’t know,” You stutter and curse pitifully inside your head as you return his eye contact. “But I can’t just call you every time I’m in trouble, especially when I think I can deal with it myself, right?”

He scoffs as if you’ve just said the most ridiculous thing.

“This shouldn’t have to be a discussion. Your capabilities don’t lack anything, but your hesitation may very well be the death of you.”

“I never hesitated,” Though your voice is more steadfast, any illusion of confidence is shattered by the way you fidget with your hands. “I only misjudged. I make mistakes sometimes, but I think you forget that I’ll heal even after the worst of these injuries.”

Xiao sighs and crumples the bloodstained cloth in the palm of his hand, caging himself in his arms before speaking again -- just as he always does.

“Don’t be outrageous, I haven’t forgotten anything.” He averts his gaze and for a moment, you swear that you notice the tips of his ears flush. “It’s only ignorant to assume that I want to see you injured.”

Your brows knit as a similar knot slides down your throat. “I just, I just don’t get why you’re so worried about it.”

He stares at you, once again, as if you’ve just said something completely outlandish -- as if it wasn’t as hard to tell what he was thinking beneath such a guarded personality as you made it out to be.

“What?” You ask, slightly exasperated as you sit up straighter. You had still been sitting as if he were cleaning your wounds. “Is that not a valid question? It seems like you want nothing to do with anyone, but then turn around and worry when I’m hurt?”

“How could you do that and still not know why I hesitate to call for you?” Exasperated, you exhale and shut your eyes for a moment, deliberately avoid seeing his reaction to these words.

“...All I mean, is that sometimes it’s hard to tell what you’re thinking -- I feel like I’m bothering you, even if it might be in a situation where I really do need you.”

For a moment, Xiao is blatantly surprised by your reason for not upholding the contract you’d made. It almost gives you the impression that in your spiel, you’ve said something completely idiotic. A gradual flush of embarrassment flares up beneath your skin, but thankfully, you contain yourself before you have the chance to blurt out anything you’d regret.

His lips twist ever so slightly, as if he’s combing through things to respond with in his head. Obviously a bit flustered to hear your reasoning, it’s odd to see him in such a way, albeit while somehow remaining so uniquely him

“You… really are incomprehensible.”

Turning his head to shield his expression, he discards the cloth by tossing it in a nearby basket and stands. Your eyes follow him up until his own turn back towards you, golden irises glinting with a sort of hesitant concentration. You blink.

“If you trust me enough to enter a contract where i very well might decide between your life and death, do well and also trust me as someone who doesn’t break their promises.” Xiao’s brows fold delicately, as if mulling over the words coming out of hisin real time. “___, I don’t want to see you hurt like this.”

Your heartbeat briefly stutters, lips opening and closing as if to say something even when no thoughts are formed. Eyes trailing back down to your hands, you let out a small sigh. Before you can say anything, though, a gloved hand takes your chin and gently guides your eyes back upwards.

“So don’t hesitate.” His touch is soft as he maintains comfortable eye contact with you despite the straight-forward words. “I won’t allow you to die because of me.”

Blood pumps wildly through your ears as you suck in a breath of apprehension. As hard as you try to break away your gaze, something in his face keeps you anchored even when your chest begins to seize; a face that has been hardened over a millenia of suffering stares back at you with the improper care of a hopeful innocent, as if you are something that is worthwhile in the purest sense.

You swallow, Xiao’s hand’s position above your throat making it painfully obvious to him how caught off guard you are. Though naturally, if this action of yours makes him falter at all, he does so unnoticeably.

“I won’t,” It’s said slowly, as if you can’t comprehend what exactly you’re saying just yet. “You said I don’t lack anything, but in the moments I do--”

Your lips rest parted as anxiety cuts off the last part of your sentence, but Xiao’s patient expression pushes you forward.

“...I trust you to help me.”

Those words echo in his mind for a moment, ricocheting and hitting even the most unfamiliar parts of himself that he’d long buried. Feelings and memories that have since collected cobwebs begin to resurface and remind him of a more simple time he treasures dearly.

Trust.

Xiao’s thumb ghosts over your jaw, slowly wiping across the skin as he’s propelled deeply into thought -- fortunately too much so to notice the rising pigment on your cheeks.

He himself places his trust in people far and few. You might be different, well acquainted to human customs and the world around you, yet those words from you somehow feel just as special as if the roles are reversed. Your honesty and courage to accompany him has always dug at the cavity in his chest, but to hear you voice the metaphorical fruit of your labour so clearly is an entirely different sense.

All this time he’d blindly protected you, warned you about monsters lurking in the darkness, he’d fallen too far to even realise that you were beginning to change him. He no longer ate alone, nor did he adventure or sleep as he once did -- you had stuck onto him like a stubborn thorn despite, in your words, tending to feel as if you were bothering him. Regardless, he had somehow still earned your valuable companionship, and with it, commendable words that he could accept from you alone.

But there were times where he despised feeling such a way. He battled over the reasons he felt so inflicted when it was you who was injured, or you who chose to stick by him even after he tried so desperately to push you away. It was frustrating, dealing with a gentle care so foreign. Once he was used to your considerate nature, though, it became a different story.

Seeing you hurt began to shift from an expectable casualty to a blow to his own chest.

“...Xiao,” Your voice is hesitantly quiet, and suddenly, his eyes come back into focus. You’re staring at him with hesitant concern, setting his heart abuzz. “Are you okay?”

It’s when you reach up to wrap your hand around his that his mind finally completes his thought.

I love her.

As an Adeptus, he’s lived thousands of lives and outlived many more, and has taken the role of slaughterer before protector throughout many of them. In a way, the latter ways of his previous life have been ingrained him, regardless of those he manages to save in the more current centuries.

He imagines the figures of the spirits of those he’d wronged watching him in this moment, screaming a sound of contempt that he would never hear. They’re right to do so. They have no reason to pray for his happiness, much like he has little reason to pray for forgiveness.

Yet looking down at you, for the first time in a long time, none of that seems to matter.

With little thought, he grips your hand a bit tighter before letting go, his own hand travelling the length of your jaw to bring himself down to you. You remain completely still as he places a gentle kiss above your brow bone, breath hitching.

“I’m okay.” He reassures you quietly, resting there for a moment and sighing a small gust of air onto your skin. You mumble his name softly, hand reaching out to grab a hold of his shirt. The thin layer between your skin and his sends a sudden shiver down his spine, but regardless, he hums in response.

Your voice comes out in a whisper. “Are you sure?”

He nods, for the first time completely certain.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact xiao #genshin impact imagine #xiao x reader #genshin impact xiao x reader #xiao imagines #genshin impact fanfic