#also my mom and spotify always read my mind

[williamswifey]

i just came up with this and i could DIE i feel smart. (i also haven’t done an ask on here in a FAT minute so sorry if i do it weird??) reader is a worker (camera, makeup, etc. just some sort of tech element) behind the scenes on the set for tlou and meets bella and they become friends and then more :)))) can be as short or long as you’d like!!

𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐃𝐎𝐍’𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐀𝐓 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐘 - 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀 𝐑𝐀𝐌𝐒𝐄𝐘

pairing ; bella ramsey x fem!reader

summary ; when you had taken a summer job as a makeup artist for the up and coming show the last of us, you expected to make money—but you didn’t expect to find love.

content warnings ; swearing,

a/n ; i was SO excited to do this request omgomg, i might’ve gotten a little carried away and accidentally made this suuper long, part two is on the way!! i hope you enjoy this miniseries :)

p.s. also im still working to get my ask box in my bio, but requests are open and feel free to submit asks <3

masterlist

you had always had a fascination with makeup—ever since you were little. whether it was practicing eyeshadow in your bedroom when you were eleven years old…or making a buck from your friends when they asked you to do makeup for the school dance.

eventually, as you matured, your talent matured with you. you were humble about your skills—always calling it a ‘simple minded hobby’, or ‘a way to relieve your stress’.

it was springtime, two weeks before summer vacation—you’d be starting college in the fall; and you were sitting at the kitchen table with your mother, going over potential internships to spend your summer.

“what about a makeup artist?” your mother commented, taking a sip of her orange juice. you looked at her blankly, before sighing.

“mom, i appreciate the idea—i really do…but come on—where would we even find somewhere that had makeup artist internships?”

“i found you a job as a makeup artist in canada,” your mom spoke up, sparking your interest as you looked up from your phone, “sure, it’s a little far away from home…but it’s good practice for college. plus, you’d be making a little money on the side, it’s a win-win situation.”

“in canada?” you asked, confused , “mom, what?”

“it’s for a new show, the last of us. an old friend of mine reached out, personally asked if you’d be interested.”

the last of us. the name sounded familiar. you shrugged, feeling flattered at the thought someone personally asked your mother if you’d be interested.

“sure,” you agreed, “that sounds fun.”

***

three weeks later, you, your backpack, and your suitcase had arrived in alberta, canada.

you were staying in a hotel room nearby the sets, and you couldn’t wait to get off your feet. you had ordered a shared-uber, trying to save as much money as you could. you’d be spending the entire summer here, and the point was to make money—not lose it.

you stood on the sidewalk as a black car drove up to you, as you read the license plate, recognizing the car as your uber. you piled your things into the trunk, stepping inside.

“y/n l/n?” the driver asked, and you nodded your head in confirmation.

“yup,” you said, “that’s me.”

“it’s nice to meet you,” the driver said. wow. this driver was much much friendlier than the ones at home.

“we’re waiting for the other rider, so hang tight and we’ll get you to your destination in no time.”

you thanked the driver, placing your headphones in your ears. you scrolled throughout your spotify playlists, ultimately deciding on the superache album by conan gray.

it wasn’t until minutes later when the other rider arrived, and your jaw dropped. you suddenly felt insecure in your airport fit—baggy sweats without makeup, messy hair finishing off your disheveled appearance.

the other rider was the most attractive person you had ever seen. their hair was short, down and mostly covered by a grey hat. they had on a casual pink t-shirt and black jeans. the driver helped them put their bags into the trunk besides yours, and before you knew it they were sliding into the seat next to you.

“hi,” you said, holding out your hand, “i’m y/n.”

the stranger smiled warmly, and it made you even more flustered, if that was even possible. god, you didn’t even know their name yet—you had to get a grip.

“i’m bella,” they said, a british accent as smooth as butter, “pleasure.”

you smiled back, taking out your airpods, placing them back into your case, hoping that your conversation with bella would extend.

“no way,” bella said seconds later, “you listen to conan gray, too?”

you looked at her and blinked.

“sorry—i wasn’t looking over your shoulder,” they quickly said, “i just saw a glance of the album cover, i’d recognize it anywhere.”

you grinned.

“no worries,” you assured. “i take it you’re a fan of him?”

bella nodded enthusiastically, “he’s only my favorite singer of all time.”

you bit your lip excitedly. canada was treating you well already.

“we have so much in common,” you chuckled out.

“that we do,” bella agreed, pausing, “so…are you here visiting friends?”

you shook your head.

“no, i’m actually here for a job. i’m working as a makeup artist.” you said with a smile.

“me too! well—not a makeup artist, but i am here for work.”

“that’s so cool!” you gushed, “what do you do?”

“i’m an actor,” bella said.

your eyes widened. as if they couldn’t get any cooler.

a lack of sleep from the plane ride must’ve been catching up to you, as you hadn’t quite put two-and-two together.

still, you managed to stay awake, talking to bella throughout the entire duration of the car ride. bella was going to lunch to meet a few people, whereas you were going straight to your hotel.

bella had gotten on a phone call minutes before you arrived to your destination, making your goodbye rushed and awkward. you cursed out whoever was on the other end of the call.

it hadn’t been until you were halfway to the elevator of the hotel until you realized you had forgotten to get bella’s phone number.

fuck.

***

you tried to forget about the mysterious bella as the night went on. you had taken a long nap as soon as you arrived to the hotel room—which helped get your mind off things, but the second you were awake, bella was on your mind.

how could you have been so stupid?

you had never met someone that was so easy to talk to before. you had never met someone as cute as bella either. they were the entire package and your forgetful-ass blew it.

still, life had to go on. you pushed aside your disappointment as you began to unpack and officially settle into your room, and you called your parents to alert them you arrived to the hotel safely.

the sun had begun to set, and you were halfway through unpacking. you had made a few calls between the makeup department in the last hour, and they had told you that you needed to bring your own makeup in to set tomorrow—just until the makeup the crew had ordered came in.

while you found the whole ordeal slightly unprofessional, you actually didn’t mind at all—and you were happy to provide. you were just a little annoyed that now you had to pack up all your makeup and bring it to set at 6 in the morning.

right. you had forgotten how early you had to be awake. the car ride was forty-five minutes away, since the set was basically in the middle of nowhere—and you wanted to be able to look nice and presentable.

if you wanted a shot at getting eight hours of sleep, you had to be asleep now.

you brushed your teeth and washed your face faster than you ever had before, and settled into your bed. you were out like a light, and the dreamy stranger from the car ride definitely didn’t appear in your dream.

***

“shit, shit, shit.”

you had slept through your alarm. on the first day.

it was 5:15 when you woke up, and you practically hopped out of bed in shock. screw getting ready for bed fast last night, you had gotten ready today at a record lightning speed.

you were calling yourself another uber as soon as you were dressed, deciding to do your makeup in the car. it was your strong suit, and you weren’t worried about not getting that done in time.

it was 5:30 when you got in your uber. you’d be at work at 6:15…fifteen minutes late, and you’d pray that you wouldn’t get fired before you even walked in.

maybe it was luck—maybe it was something else, but there was practically no traffic on the road since it was so early in the morning, making your arrival 5:57 a.m, not late.

you sighed a breath of relief as you entered the set, a yawn slipping past your lips. you’d make sure to find a time to grab coffee.

it took you a few minutes to find the makeup artist trailer, and when you did…you were in shock. there was a chair, a desk, and a mirror—with your name on it.

you barely had time to bask in the sheer excitement of it all before someone appeared behind you.

“hi,” a voice called out, making your tired figure jump as you turned around.

a woman stood before you. she was much older than you, with blonde curly hair, a warm smile on her face. this must’ve been brianna, your mother’s friend.

“you must be y/n. i’m brianna,” she introduced, “i’m technically your boss—but i don’t care about those kind of labels. i’m just here to help you get settled.”

you nodded and smiled at her, launching into a brief conversation. you learned that the last of us had started shooting a couple of weeks ago, but they had been shooting scenes with characters that you weren’t assigned to.

it was confusing, getting used to everything. it turned out that every makeup artist was assigned to a few specific characters. brianna did the makeup for the actors of joel, sarah, and tess. you were assigned to riley, maria, and ellie.

the actresses for riley and maria wouldn’t be shooting until the next month, so for now—you only had one actor to worry about. you didn’t know the actor who was playing ellie yet. you hadn’t checked your email giving you the names of everyone.

ellie was the main character of the show, you quickly learned. you had received a script of the basic information about the show last week, but you had yet to read it. you made a mental note to check it out when you got back to your hotel room.

like brianna said, the scenes that the show had started shooting hadn’t included ellie’s character yet, and it was the actress’ first day on set—making it yours, too.

everything brianna said felt surreal. you had a real job, and you were only 18. sure, this was temporary, but you promised yourself that this would be the best three months of your life.

as if on cue, you heard footsteps enter the van, and you knew it must’ve been one of the actors preparing to get their makeup done. by you.

you tried not to internally squeal, attempting to prepare yourself to meet whoever would walk through those doors.

you did not expect to see your mystery uber buddy, bella, walk through said doors.

you blinked.

“bella?” you said, as they turned their head towards you, a confused smile quickly making its way up to their face.

“y/n?” they replied back, “holy crap. i knew you were a makeup artist, but i didn’t put two-and-two together.”

you giggled.

“you said you were an actor! that should’ve been easier for me to figure out the details,” you spoke, and bella shrugged.

“both of our mistakes then, i guess,” they began, a small chuckle leaving their lips.

“yeah,” you agreed.

maybe fate had a plan for the two of you after all.

***

the next few weeks had been magical. you saw bella everyday, sometimes for hours at a time. they’d be the first face you saw in the morning and the last face you saw leaving set.

it was nice, having ‘quality time’—as they called it, when you did their makeup. it wasn’t too much, it never was, just little touch ups to make their skin look less oily on camera and small things like that. you didn’t think bella needed any makeup at all.

the longest part of the makeup process for ellie was her scar. you had to do the scar on bella’s eyebrow every morning. that was probably the hardest part. it wasn’t the fact that you had to do it perfectly each time—no, that was easy—it was the fact you had to get extremely close to bella’s face.

they’d always giggle when your noses accidentally brushed together, or if you guys would make eye contact when they opened their eyes—even though you told them not to.

“i can’t help it,” they’d say, “if a pretty girl’s face is right in front of mine, i’ve gotta sneak a peek,” bella was obviously joking—they always were, but that didn’t change the way your face would go beet red as you struggled to find a comeback to their words.

the flirty dynamic of you and bella’s friendship was developed early on. you were easily flustered, and bella was a natural flirt. it was like two missing pieces of a puzzle.

you had the same schedule as bella—since you were their makeup artist, and since you did, the two of you often spent your lunch break together.

there was a small diner near the set, where bella took you almost everyday. you always playfully argued who’d pay.

bella always won, as they had secretly snuck the waitress their credit card before you even got the chance to get out your wallet.

“bella,” you’d say, “you don’t have to do that.”

“think of it as a thank you.” they’d reply.

“a thank you? for what?”

“for hanging out with me.”

you’d roll your eyes.

“we have the same schedule.”

“yeah,” bella would sigh, “but no one is forcing you to be here. you could be anywhere else in the world, but you’re here. with me.”

that would always shut you up pretty quickly.

they had your order memorized—a grilled cheese sandwich and a vanilla milkshake. you had their order of avocado salad memorized too—their meals were easy to remember, as bella was one of the only vegans you knew.

you guys would talk the hour away, most times giggling back and forth about how you dreaded going back to work that afternoon.

but you never dreaded it. not really.

how could you, when your lips got to be inches away from bella’s as you painted on their scar?

you knew pretty early on that bella made you really fucking happy. they brought out a giddiness in you that no one else ever had, they took the weight off of your shoulders.

brianna would tease you everyday about it.

“you guys are so whipped for each other,” she’d say, after bella left the trailer to go film.

you’d blush as you put away the brushes that had been tracing bella’s skin only moments prior as you shook your head.

“no way,” you’d deny, “we’re just friends.”

brianna would laugh, just like she always did.

“friends don’t look at friends that way.”

and as much as you pretended to deny it, god, you hoped she was right.

#bella ramsey #bella ramsey x y/n #bella ramsey blurb #bella ramsey drabble #bella ramsey fic #bella ramsey fluff #bella ramsey imagine #bella ramsey x fem!reader #bella ramsey x reader #ellie williams x reader #bella ramsey x you #bella ramsey imagines

[xoxomoonlightxoxo]

Somewhere Between Hello and Goodbye | Ch. 3: The Lucky Day

Warning: This chapter contains mentions of an eating disorder and depression, please read with caution as topics may be triggering.

a/n: Alexa, play Daddy's Home <3 Anywho, OC's spiralling summer was inspired by Bella's montage of passing seasons in Twilight ... I'm sorry, but I need to preface that OC will be going through it this whole season, I have already cried thrice. Also, a side question, can you guys actually play the songs I post for these chapters? Meaning, does Tumblr let yall do that or am I trippin? Because I truly think they add a lot to the overall experience. If not, please let me know, then maybe I'll just turn them into a Spotify playlist.

Sleep has become my escape. A temporary withdrawal from reality in which I live to remember everything Jungkook has forgotten. Sleeping through each passing day, I know that at least in my dreams we are still together. In my dreams, I will always find my way back to you, Koo. Even if you don’t remember it, the moon knows that we were once in love. It hears my helpless cries at night and feels every atom of my being that misses you, fearing the idea of us becoming strangers once again. 

It’s as if my happiness was erased with his departure. Holding my hand through each step of the way, he showed me the beauty in life and ended up being the one to take it all away when my fearing heart failed to reciprocate the painfully obvious love tethered between us. Now, my life is dull and pointless. How can I love someone else when every night I dream of you, Koo?

Swallowing pills to mute the sound of my heart beating for his barest touch, I’ve become lost in my own mind, haunted by everlasting thoughts. Although I thought I would be able to at least pretend to be happy for the sake of my family, it’s all become too much. Thus, it was only a matter of days, before my deteriorating behaviour sparked concern in my parents, fueling tension in the air we shared. It all started with fatigue, which then transformed into chronic sleep and in the end began to affect my eating habits. Feeling nauseous from the mere thought of food, I’ve grown to dissociate myself from it. I was hungry, but I couldn’t eat. And, as my hope slowly diminished, so did the number on the scale. 

“Mira, you have to eat,” my mom’s voice echoes in my ear as my eyes fixate on the plate of steamed broccoli in front of me. 

“I’m not hungry, I told you,” I sigh, swallowing down the lie with some water. 

“Mira, honey, please talk to us. What’s wrong?” my dad asks softly, placing his hand on top of mine. Hearing the trembles in his words, my eyes swell with tears before I shake myself out of it.

“I’m fine … just feeling a bit under the weather,”

“The sun has been at its highest peak this whole time, what’s seasonal about this?” my mom tries to remain composed as she shifts her chair closer to mine. 

“Talk to me, honey. What’s gotten into you? You were so excited to come back,” her hands caress my tangled hair as I nibble on the dead skin on my lip. 

“Mira, you’ve been silent since you came, and now you won’t even eat. Your mom and I can’t bear to see you like this,” 

“Come back home, Miraya. We can find another university here,”

“No. It’s not that. I’m fine, I swear. I just … I just need this break to end already, so I can focus on my studies again. That’ll keep my mind occupied,” I whisper softly, attempting to fake a smile as my empty gaze searches their scattering eyes. Recently, that's how most of our conversations ended. With helpless promises feeding my delusions. However, with each passing day, I come to realise that promises are nothing more than sweet lies. If it weren’t true, I wouldn’t have to find excuses for the aching feeling in my heart, but rather, melt in the overflowing passion of Jungkook’s burning love. 

Excusing myself, I throw away the cold plate of food and head back to my room, one which was once filled with laughter and a carefree sense of ambition. The same walls that watched me cry out of happiness upon receiving my acceptance letter just a few months ago are the ones that now echo my pathetic cries for help. Every inch of this room has become cold and numb, and I’m afraid that there is no more warmth in me that could fix this. 

Crouched in a fetal position as my body shivers under the floral duvet my mom gifted me as a welcome present, I dial Jimin’s phone number. It has been weeks since he moved back to Busan, but I have yet to receive any updates from him about Jungkook. In hindsight, maybe, it’s for the best, but if silence is the thing that'll save me then why do I still hold onto the smallest glimpse of hope for us? Even if it means walking across a minefield of rejected possibilities that would ultimately send me into a never-ending spiral, why do I still care?

“How is he?” I ask with hesitation. 

“Different. He’s different.” Jimin replies softly. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, he seems distant. Which is fair, I guess. But, he doesn’t quite seem to remember me,” 

“At all?” my voice shakes as I choke up. 

“Well no, he is still able to recover our memories from when we were kids, but recent events are very blurry,” Jimin goes on. 

I, was recent to Jungkook. We, were recent to him. Four months, that's how long I've known Koo, but I’ve been missing him for the last seven. Each day I daydream, reminiscing our memories, feeling the void in my heart knowing that I’ve been without him longer than I’ve been with him. Maybe, Mrs. Jeon was right. I would be lying if I said that a little part of me didn’t think that the reason for her ultimatum was purely based on a simple dislike of me. You know? Like, she didn’t see me as a good match for her son? Because, even then, her disapproval of my character would have been an easier pill to swallow than knowing that now, in Koo’s empty eyes, I’m no longer his Peaches, but a stranger. God, it hurts to even say it out loud let alone accept it. I can’t accept it, but I have to now, don’t I?

“Please take care of him for me Jiminah,” I manage to let out, wiping the tears rolling down my face. 

“I will Mira, don’t worry. I’ll see you soon, okay?” 

“See you,” I end the call, throwing my phone across the bed, my puffy eyes irritated by the brightness. 

That night was especially hard. Although my body was desperately wanting to succumb to the exhaustion, my mind wouldn't shut up. It kept replaying our memories, reminding me of the things I should have said. The words Koo never heard, but deserved to.

--

Hugging my mom, her trembling hands tighten their hold on my sweater as I take in the smell of her perfume for the last time. I missed her a lot, and the guilt of putting my parents through that torture has been eating me alive this whole summer. All they wanted was to see their daughter smile and I failed to fulfill even the simplest of their wishes. If only they knew how much I wanted to smile again. 

“Mira, I’m telling you again, we can find another university here,” my mom says with teary eyes. 

“Just say yes, and we’ll deal with all the transfer stuff, honey,” my dad joins, caressing my palms, as I let out a soft chuckle before shaking my head no. 

“That’s not fair. You guys didn’t raise a quitter,” I manage to let out, feeling my throat tighten from the build-up of emotions. 

“You’re right, we didn’t. But, even the strongest soldier needs a shoulder to cry on. Remember that we are and always will be by your side, Miraya,”

“Call us as soon as you land, love,” 

Passing through the airport security, I wave to my family my last goodbyes before heading to my gate. Am I excited to come back to Seoul? I don’t really have a choice, do I? That God-awful Nursing degree won’t finish itself, so yeah, I kind of have to go back. But, I know that school isn’t the only thing pulling me back. I know I can’t, but I still wish to see Jungkook, even from afar, it doesn’t matter. All I want now is to know that he is doing well.  

I’m not sure how, but as soon as my head rested against the seat my body shut down, falling into a much-needed sleep. I probably would have slept through the whole 12-hour flight if it weren’t for the bright beams of sunlight penetrating through my heavy eyelids. Taking a glimpse out the airplane window, I no longer saw snowy mountains but rather blossoming fields of greenery scattered within the busy cities of Korea. And, as the captain went through his ending speech, a flood of international students lined up near the exit, eager to get back into their previously established routine. It’s funny because I was sitting next to one of my cohort members from last semester, but we were both too tired to even realise. 

Nonetheless, putting my passport and ticket back into my carry on, I rolled my luggage down the escalator before a familiar voice called out my name. Searching the crowd of strangers filled with overwhelmed emotions, my eyes stop at a particular boxy smile. 

“Long time no see, Flip-flops!” Tae shouted across the hall, before waving me down to where he was standing with Jiah and Jimin who were just as excited about my arrival. Feeling my eyes swell with tears, I couldn’t help but laugh at his cute, little dance as he pulled me into a warm hug. 

“Tae, I’m certain you just don’t know my actual name,” I say with a grin, looking up at his sparkling eyes. 

“Of course, I do MJ,” he grins, rubbing the top of my head. Ha ha ha, isn’t he just a comedian? For context, my government name is Mira Jean … hence, the birth of MJ. 

“That’s enough, let us hug her too,” Jiah chuckles, opening her arms as my body virtually melts into her embrace. With tears rolling down our faces, her grip tightens around my form as she lets out a sudden gasp. 

“Mira! My goodness, why are you so small?” she asks with a concerned tone, her wide eyes scanning my body. Although, I always managed to maintain my normal weight, I guess, not eating properly for 3 months left its mark on the way I looked. As the numbers on the scale decreased, I became more and more fixated on the protrusion of my bones. I hated the feeling, but, I also couldn’t stop. Because I couldn’t get myself to eat, I relied on baggy clothes to create an illusion that would satisfy people’s perception of me. Unfortunately, I failed to fool Jiah as she saw right through the act. 

“I just stopped eating so much junk food, I’m fine. Trust me, this is a good thing Jiah, now I can finally fit into my favourite pair of jeans,” I try to laugh the pain away, caressing her hands as her furrowed eyebrows slowly release their tension. She isn’t convinced but also, doesn’t want to create a scene in public. I know that follow-up questions will be brought up along the way, but for now, my attention is focused on looking for someone who I know isn’t there. It’s silly, but before spotting Tae, a little part of me hoped to see Jungkook. To witness his sparkling doe eyes and bunny teeth, once again, like the good old times.  

“Okay, it’s settled, we are all going to my favourite Korean BBQ place,” Jimin exclaims, giving me a quick wink before grabbing both of the luggage out of my hands, and handing one to Tae. And, as Jiah intertwines her hands with mine, we exchange soft smiles exiting the airport as my skin finally feels the fresh, humid air of Seoul. Stopping mid-walk, I let out a deep sigh of relief. I hated every second of my summer, it was nothing short of pure torture but, at least, it too passed. 

“You’re good?” Tae whispers, softened gaze focused on my flushed cheeks. 

“Yeah,” I say softly, taking another deep breath as his arm caresses my shoulder. 

“He’s fine, Mira,” his words pierce through my ears as I unconsciously shoot him an alarming look. 

“You’ve heard from him?” I rush my words, anticipating his answer as my chest heaves up. 

“No, but I can feel your pain,” his tone is quieter now, eyes still searching mine. 

“I’m fine, Tae,” I mumble under my breath, lowering my head in fear of breaking down in front of them. 

“Just know that I’m always here for you, okay?” he says, pressing a soft kiss on my head before wrapping his arm around my shoulders. If only he could hear the way I’m screaming inside. The way I’m calling out for help. For someone to find hope in my hopeless state of mind. If only he knew how much I miss Jungkook. 

“Okay,” I whisper.

“Following the tradition, I will be hosting my annual house party before school beats all of our asses,” Jimin chuckles, caressing Jiah’s hand as their eyes focus on each other. Forcing down some dumpling soup into my system, I feel nauseous, but can’t risk growing Jiah's suspicion more, so I attempt to eat as little as possible without her noticing. 

“So, Mira, please come. Jungkook will be there as well,” Jimin continues with a soft smile which slowly fades upon noticing my gaze drop. Letting go of my spoon, my fingernails dig into my cold palms, as I’m back at square one. How am I supposed to face him when I can’t even handle the mere mention of his name? It’s not fair. None of them know about Mrs. Jeon’s ultimatum, and I fear that I can’t just simply tell them. So, I gulp down the pain and manage to put on another act, one that I seem to have mastered over the summer. 

“Mira, you’re okay?” Jiah asks, gently rubbing my forearm. 

“Yeah, sorry, I’m a bit jet-lagged. Sure, of course, I’ll come,” I reply with a reassuring smile, before looking at Tae. I recognize the sadness in his eyes because I see it in my own every passing minute. But, I can’t let him in. I can’t betray Mrs. Jeon’s trust, again. Even if it means that I have to betray my own heart.

--

We’ve been walking around the mall for probably 3 hours now and Jiah has yet to find something with that wow factor, meanwhile, I have already found 4 of the nearest exits. The party is set for tonight, and although I have already agreed to come, I can’t get myself to actually face the consequences. I can’t go, what was I thinking. What? Did I think everything was going to be fine once Jungkook saw me? Mira, he doesn’t remember you. 

“Jiah, you know, I really don’t think I should go tonight?” I say, slowly walking in circles as she eyes another mini dress. 

“What? Why?” she stutters, going through racks of possible options. 

“I’m just not feeling well,” I lie, fiddling with my fingers to calm down the nerves. 

“Mira, is something wrong?” Jiah stops what she’s doing before walking closer to my anxious self. 

“I’m fine, really,” I lie again. 

“You don’t look fine. You barely eat, barely sleep, barely talk to me,” she exclaims with a  tone firmer than before. 

“Then stop looking. Please, can everyone just leave me alone? I’m just tired, okay?” I burst, feeling everyone’s eyes on my distressed self. 

“Okay, I’m sorry. What do you need?” she says gently, reaching out her hands.  

“I just need space,” I whisper, crossing my arms in front of my burning chest. 

“Fine, I’ll give you some space. Please call me when you’re ready,” Jiah’s words cut deep as she walked out of the store, leaving me alone with my thoughts. The ones I’ve been trying to run away from this whole time. I can’t even get mad at her. She is only trying to help, but how can she when I keep shutting everyone out? It’s all my fault, I know. I just hope that this isn’t how it ends. I hope I don’t push everyone away, and someone sees right through the mask I put on. Because I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to.

Locking the door behind me I plop onto my bed before finally resting my heavy eyes. And, within minutes, I’m passed out again. I think, I've grown to become eternally tired, no matter how much I sleep, there is just no end to this fatigue. Moving restlessly, I pull the white cover over my shivering body before hearing my phone ring. 

“Ugh, what is it now?” I grunt, squinting from the screen brightness as a small gasp escapes my parted lips. It was 8 pm already. How is that possible? I swear, I just laid my head. But, no, apparently I’ve been asleep for the last 5 hours. 

“Hello?” I manage to let out. 

“Flip-flops? Where are you?” Tae screams through the loud music in the background. 

“Tae, I’m home. What happened?” 

“Mira hurry, Jiah is drunk. You need to come pick her up,” he exclaims with panic in his voice. 

“What? Where’s Jimin? Can he not drive her?” I stutter, lifting myself off of the bed before putting my hoodie back on. 

“You want him to drive under the influence? Of course, he is drunk too,” 

“Well, why can’t you drive them?” I whine, almost pleading. 

“Who said I wasn’t drunk either?” he chuckles, sending me a flying kiss through the phone. 

“Fine, I’ll be there in a bit. Keep an eye on Jiah,” I sigh before grabbing my keys and ID. 

Thankfully, Jimin’s place wasn’t that far from our dormitory so, the ride there was only 10-ish minutes. Nonetheless, I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. And, as the driver finally pulled up to the apartment complex I practically ran inside. Following the sound of loud music, I made my way through the crowd of people who clearly had a little too much fun, as the alcohol in their system could be detected from the next block. 

“Flip-flops!” Tae exclaimed with a big grin. Stopping in my tracks, my eyes diverted to Jiah, who was standing beside him with absolutely no sign of a hangover. In fact, she looked better than ever in her new mini-dress. 

“What? You lied?” I snap, eyebrows furrowing more and more with each step I take towards them. 

“How else was I supposed to get you to come?” Tae chuckles, trying to rub my head before I push his hand away. 

“Get off me,” my tone is harsh as I lower my piercing gaze, shaking my head in disbelief. 

“Oh! Mira, there you are,” I could hear Jimin’s voice getting closer before turning my flushed face. And with that, it felt like time stopped altogether. There was nothing and no one in the room except for him and I. Koo and I. Feeling my gaze soften, I choke up from the rush of emotions in my throat. 

“Hi, I’m Jungkook. It’s nice to meet you,” he says with a warm smile, reaching out his hand as if meeting me for the first time. Before replying, I take a moment to analyze his face. The one I dreamed about every night and the one that caused me so much pain. He looks the same, except, his eyes no longer sparkle like they used to. I guess, we got that in common. 

“Hi …I’m Mira,” I let out a soft smile, before reaching out my own hand. 

“Yah, Kook, you already know her, you guys were best friends,” Jimin chuckles, patting Jungkook’s back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, please forgive me. I'm still trying to piece everything back together,” Koo says, covering his mouth before shutting his eyes from embarrassment. 

Feeling my throat tighten, I quickly excuse myself, before rushing out of the packed room towards the nearest fire escape. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but why does it feel like I’m going to pass out? It’s as if all the air was knocked out of my lungs. Feeling lightheaded I hold onto the railing and close my eyes for a moment. I can’t believe it. Koo, I saw you but you didn’t see me. You saw a stranger. And, suddenly, there I was, alone again, realizing that everything I feared had come true.

Regaining my composure, I decide to walk back to the party before my eyes are met with his. 

“Not a party animal, huh?” Jungkook grins, stopping in his tracks as his arm leans against the wall. 

“It’s my day off,” I let out a small chuckle, unable to keep his eye contact. 

“So … we were best friends?” he asks softly, hands fidgeting with the chains on his belt. 

“Yeah …” I nod slightly, nibbling on my lips. 

“It’s funny because I don’t remember anything from last year. I could barely recognize my own dad for a while. Jimin helped me a lot, he basically recalled sparknotes of my past for me,” he laughs. Oh, how I missed his laugh.  

“You really don’t remember anything?” I finally look up, searching his scattering eyes. 

“No, not one bit,” his muffled words are interrupted by the growling sound coming from my stomach, as I let out an awkward smile. 

“Oh, are you hungry?” he grins, bunny teeth on full display, as my gaze softens again. 

“No, no, no, I’m fine. I think I’m gonna head home now,” I shake my hands, zipping my hoodie before attempting to walk past him. 

“No, it’s fine, I’ll drive. I’m starving as well,” Jungkook assures, gently pulling onto the fabric as my heart sinks to my feet.

I knew I shouldn’t, but I agreed. I couldn’t say no to Koo. Not, after all the sleepless nights I’ve spent missing his mere presence. And, as we entered the nearest restaurant, everything felt real. He felt real. Even if he couldn’t feel it, my heart was beating for the both of us. For our first hellos, last goodbyes and everything in between. Just for tonight, I wanted to pretend like nothing happened. 

“Oh, look, Mira, they have a special deal on shrimp dumplings, do you like them?” his voice, brings me back to reality as I mute the thoughts running through my head. 

“Yeah, my mom made them for me all the time when I was little,” I smile. 

“Then, I guess it’s your lucky day,” he chuckles with a satisfied grin, before calling one of the waiters. 

“I guess, it is,” I say softly, feeling my throat tighten as I struggle to swallow the lie. Searching his naive eyes my own swell with tears while my body shifts restlessly in the seat. Desperately wanting to cave into the emotions, my mind is haunted by the thoughts of Mrs. Jeon’s letter. And, as I close my eyes for a moment, all I can see are the painful reminders of our enforced distance. Don’t call … Don’t write … Don’t interact. Yet, here we are, here you are, Koo. Live in the flesh, separated by a table and the forgotten story of our past. So close, yet so far that it physically hurts. To him, I’m just another piece of the puzzle that would fill the void in his memories. But, to me, he is the only piece that could make me whole again. 

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#bts #bangtan #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x yn #bts x yn #jungkook fanfic #fanfic #jungkook smut #romance #young love #college love #slow burn #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook x female reader #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook imagine #forbidden love #peaches & cream jk

[thegrimalldis]

This is for the very special nonnie who sent me their headcanon/au story for Chriszola. If you would like to read it, I put it under the cut!

My very very very long AU Chriszola headcanon goes like this. From where you currently left them off in the story they continue to grow closer as friends now that Zola’s told him the truth about Green Eyes and they made up over what Chris said to Max. Zola keeps working on writing and recording Circus Attraction and is thriving in the creative process. She’s doing so well in fact that Eric(?) the CEO for Rift Records is NOT happy to see that Zola is on her way to producing another hit album. So Eric has one of the producers working on Zola’s album send over one of the tracks to Mikael for Hailee to secretly record. Rift Records pull the ultimate snake move and release an EP from Hailee that was completely stolen from the album Zola was working on. Hailee goes viral on TikTok with the song breaking Spotify streaming records. Zola is absolutely devastated to the point where she doesn’t leave her house for two weeks and cancels several appearances she has and Chris is so concerned he goes and stays with her to make sure she’s eating and taking care of herself. The sleuth Zolanators end putting together that Hailee’s new hit song must have been written by Zola based on lyrics and stylistic similarities between the song and the music off of the Green Eyes album. But Zola isn’t credited as a writer on the song! Based on Zola’s cancelled appearances, social media silence, and leaks within the music industry it goes public that Zolanation’s theory about her song being stolen was right! Zola leaves her house for the first time in weeks to pick up some groceries and is hounded by the press to the point where she gets caught on camera having a panic attack while trying to safely exit the store. The store owner ends up having to call an ambulance/the police and Zola ends up checking herself into a facility so that she can receive treatment for her mental health and the stress she’s been under. Chris goes with Zola’s mom Lorelai to drop her off at the treatment center. Rift Records and Hailee receive a TON of backlash. It’s so bad that both are also blamed for Zola’s panic attack and stay at the treatment center.

While Zola is at the treatment center for two months, Chris runs into Hailee at one of Nate’s parties. She tries to approach Chris but he gives her the cold shoulder as he thinks that she was aware that she was singing Zola’s music. Hailee tells him that she had no idea the single had been written by Zola, as Mikael (her producer) came to her one day and said that Eric had a great new single in mind that he thought would be perfect for her. Hailee recorded the song trusting the more experienced producers around her. Had she known the song had been stolen from Zola’s upcoming album she would have said no to recording it. Hailee feels awful about what went down with Zola because she herself was a huge Zola fan as a teen and has always admired her for paving the way for other female musicians like herself. Chris believes her. During this same time, the Grimalldis are not the kindest when it comes to Zola. They don’t know anything about the true rumors going around about Rift Records stealing her song to give it too Hailee. They just know she had a public meltdown of some sort and is off in “rehab.” Lottie makes an offhand comment one night during a family dinner about how this is Zola’s karma coming to get her and in a very rare moment for Chris he goes off on her at the dinner table. Telling her and his family how disappointed he is to hear them judging Zola, a woman they don’t know, when they have no clue what’s really been going on with her. He tells them about her mental health struggles, and how Rift Records had already been trying to phase her out before this incident, and how the label stole her song to give to Hailee. Chris also reveals that Zola never meant to publish Green Eyes, that it was leaked by someone else to get her a breakthrough hit and that she and him have made up over it. But mostly he tells his family he’s disappointed to hear them belittling someone who is so clearly suffering at the moment, especially because of their own family’s history with public breakdowns (cc: Cora attacking Josh’s car/Eleanor’s failed wedding). Chris believes he was raised better than this and that his family is capable of more empathy and compassion than is being displayed. Even if they don’t believe Zola about Green Eyes he tells them that they should be embarrassed of themselves for not trusting Chris’ own judgment and respecting his friendship with Zola, because if he was able to forgive her and move on from what happened then as his family they should respect that. He coldly gets up and leaves the table leaving behind a crying Lottie who feels terrible and a stunned rest of the table.

During her stay at the treatment facility, Zola connects well with one of the counselors there who is able to get her to delve into the sources of much of her anxiety and depression (her relationship with her dad, lack of friends besides Chris, trust issues, an unhealthy relationship with food etc). She makes good progress while in treatment and when she leaves she actually sends her dad a handwritten note she wrote him while in treatment opening up about how their poor relationship has impacted her, telling him she’s not ready to see him right now but one day hopes they can sit down and repair their relationship. Lorelai (her mom) picks her up from the treatment center, and brings Zola back home where she is shocked to find that Chris has delivered a huge assortment of sunflowers (Zola’s favorite) with a note about how he wanted to bring some sunshine to her and that he can’t wait to see her once she’s settled back in. Lorelai sees the smile on Zola’s face reading the card and tells her “I think that I may have been wrong about that Grimalldi boy. He checked in with me everyday while you were away to make sure that you were okay.” While away Zola wasn’t getting her hair dyed, and she decides now that she’s back home that she’s done with the look that Rift Records designed for her. She goes to see her hair stylist and has them color her hair back to her natural brunette color. When Chris sees her for the first time since she got back home it brings a huge smile to his face to see Zola back to her natural roots. He offers to refer her to his lawyers if she wants to sue Rift Records and Eric, Zola thanks him and tells him that she and her lawyers are working on their solution. Zola ends up having a meeting with her team of lawyers and Eric’s. Her terms are simple: a writing credit on the song they stole from her and gave to Hailee; to be let out of her contract early with no money owed to the label , and to allow her to leave with al of the unfinished circus attraction tracks that she and her producers had been working on. Eric laughs at her and tells her that Rift Records own all of the music that she’s written in the past as well as her upcoming album and that if she wants out the label won’t allow her to take the new music she was working on elsewhere. Zola calls his bluff and tells Eric that if he doesn’t acquiesce to her more than fair terms she will go the press and agree to a sit down interview where she spills all to the world about the toxic nature of the label, how Eric stole her music to try and prop up Haille and pit them against each other, and how the pressures and stress she faced over years of mistreatment culminated in her public breakdown. Her lawyers are prepared to sue Rift Records for intentional infliction of emotional distress and copyright infringement based on an obscure clause in Zola’s contract that gave her songwriting credits on released Rift Records musical property. Zola makes it clear to Eric that holding her and her music hostage will simply be a PR nightmare and that her fans have already publicized what he did to her and Hailee. The legal team for Rift Records advises Eric to agree to Zola’s terms and in exchange she gets no money that was still owed to her under her contract and the label still owns the rights to all her previous music. Zola agrees so that she can finally be free to move on and make new music the way she wants.

With her newfound freedom, Zola signs with a smaller label that is more client based and actually has female producers (a rarity in the music industry). Zola and her new producer Maya get along very well and together they finish writing and producing the Circus Attraction Album. Hailee reaches out to Zola after it’s announced that she’s left Rift Records and the two privately meet up to discuss what went down with the song. They talk everything out and even manage to post a photo together on their insta grids showing them meeting up together with the caption “#womensupportingwomen” which sends both their fanbases into a tizzy and has Eric and Rift Records trending for hours on twitter being dragged as a misogynist who tried to make these two girls enemies of each other. While Zola is getting her career back on track, Margot has a talk with Max and tells him that Chris was right, the family behaved very poorly in their reactions to Zola’s struggles and they had no right to judge her so harshly when they themselves are far from perfect. Max says that even though Chris says he and Zola have made up he still is weary about Chris being friends with her because he viewed her notoriety and fans as being a liability to the family’s public image. Margot says that they have to trust Chris in whom he is friends with. Max says he’s worried that they may become more than just friends to which Margot reminds him that if that day comes they will cross that bridge then. Chris ignored Lottie’s many phone calls for a week until she sent him a photo of Clarice saying that his niece missed her Uncle Chris. Chris agreed to meet up with Lottie and she apologized for how insensitive her comments were, telling him that her anger over the years came from how hurt she knew Chris had been back then. She realizes that he was right in not knowing who Zola as an adult was and that kicking her while she was down was not cool as Lottie is a better person than that. She tells Chris she’s still uncomfortable with him being so close with Zola now because she thinks her world is not right for Chris. Chris assures her for the umpteenth time that they are just friends and he needs to respect that. Lottie agrees to back off. Zola and Chris continue being best friends and she eventually debuts Circus Attraction to record breaking success.

Circus Attraction is the biggest success of Zola’s career and over the next two years she debuts the album and embarks on a world-wide stadium tour, selling out every venue and rebranding her image as the Queen of Pop.  Chris and Zola continue their friendship and meet up when they can in-between her tour stops. Chris makes sure to have food delivered to Zola’s hotel/tour bus at least once a week while she’s on tour to continue their tradition of him making sure she eats a real meal. During those two years Chris continues his royal work as the Duke of Wells and has two non-serious relationships. He dates a Windasian model for 4 months and then a few months later dates a marketing executive for six months that he met through mutual friends at a dinner party. Zola meets both of them, and neither takes a liking to the “best friend” that Chris is always delivering food too and texting 24/7. Lottie is still dropping hints to Chris that he and a single Emi should get back together, as she wasn’t a fan of the model (who she met once briefly ) and is mad she never even got to meet the marketing executive. Zola on the other hand stays single (aside from some much needed one night stands cause a girl has needs) and focuses on herself and planning her next album.

Once her Circus Attraction Tour is over and she’s back in Monaca she tells Chris about how even when she was on tour she felt like she still didn’t really get to enjoy any of the places she went too b/c she was on such a busy schedule and how she wishes she’d had more downtime. Chris tells her that she still can and tells her to be spontaneous with him and catch a flight to Paris that night. Zola is obviously confused and tells him they can’t just jump on a plane! Chris is like “why not? It’s Saturday and I don’t have any engagements until Monday.” Tempted by Chris’ offer of a full day of sightseeing with her best friend and the use of the Grimalldi private jet she agrees. They fly to Paris and spend the day lazily wandering down the city streets, stopping for lunch inside street side cafes indulging in French bread with homemade butter, croissants, and all the delicacies Parisian bakeries have to offer. To keep themselves under the radar they don’t go to any fancy restaurants for dinner instead buying cheap wine and delicious food from street vendors. As the night wears on they end up at one of the parks that has a picturesque view of the Eiffel Tower, sitting there under the stars, full moon shining down at them, Zola thanks Chris for being there for her and tells him that she truly doesn’t believe she would have survived the last three years without him. Chris echoes her sentiments. Zola then laughs telling him that since she was a kid she’d always dreamed of spending a night underneath the Paris skyline with a mysterious Frenchman who swept her off her feet. She never imagined she’d actually to do it with her ex-boyfriend/best friend who just soo happens to be a prince. As they’re both laying in the grass Chris tickles her at that remark and they both start to laugh as Chris hits all of Zola’s ticklish spots. Sparks fly as he ends up hovered right above her and for a brief moment their lips almost touch. They start intensely at one another before Zola breaks away laughing a bit to lighten up the mood. But despite their attempts to laugh off their almost kiss, both are now aware that something has shifted for each of them. Zola tells Chis that she knows he’s lonely and that he thinks he’ll never fall in love again after Emi, but she tells him that she thinks that he’s wrong and that hell fall in love again one day without even realizing it. During their red-eye flight home early that next morning both are consumed with thoughts about what happened. And while Chris is asleep on the plane, the sunlight pouring through the window and falling on his face, Zola starts  humming along a melody that coms to mind, eventually writing down on her napkin the following lyrics: “I want to brainwash you into loving me forever. Confess my truth in swooping, sloping, cursive letters.” These lyrics spark her creativity for her next album and end up being the first track she writes, with the song aptly titled “Paris” (cc; Taylor’s Swift’s song Paris off the Midnight Albums to hear what it sounds like).

Back in Monaca, Zola is eager to get back into the studio and start working on her next album feeling inspired by the initial lyrics she’s written down so far for “Paris” Meanwhile Chris gets back into work and trying to convince himself that what he felt in Paris for Zola was just a momentary lapse of tension fueled by being in Paris. They are just friends. Zola on the other hand has long realized that she’s had feelings for Chris. Before her public breakdown she knew she had a crush on him, and once she got out of treatment and was regularly seeing a therapist she accepted that those feelings were more than a crush, especially as she and Chris grew closer over the next several years. But because she knew Chris only saw her as a friend she never said anything, and has just been focused on taking care of herself. Over the next few months Chris keeps having to stop himself from thinking of Zola in a romantic way as his attraction to her grows. Things hit a huge roof spot though when Zola finds out that her dad has been diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer. She hasn’t spoken to her dad in three years since their argument that sparked the idea for Circus Attraction. Despite her reaching out to him after she got out of treatment he never responded to her letter and Zola had decided to just move on. Her dad’s diagnosis hits Zola very hard as Thaddeus is only 60 years old. Zola goes through the full range of emotions, anger at her dad for not ever reaching out to her when she was in crisis and at her worst physically and mentally, sadness that they don’t have the time together she thought they would to repair things, regret at all the time they lost out on together. Thad’s prognosis is not good and the doctors only give him a few months to live, not wanting to die in the hospital he elects to forgo treatment and spend his final days at home with Sharon. Sharon and Greg reach out to Zola and beg her to come see Thad as they don’t want him to die with the two of them estranged. Zola declines to go see him the first two months after he’s diagnosed as she’s still processing her feelings over the situation. Finally she gets a call from Sharon telling her it’s now or never. Chris volunteers to go with Zola to say goodbye to her dad as he knows that she doesn’t want to go alone, and Lorelai doesn’t want to see him. Zola arrives to see her dad and it’s clear that Thaddeus is in his last days and won’t be conscious for much longer. Zola sits down with him and tells him it’s her, as at this point he’s having a hard time deciphering who he’s talking too. In his disoriented state Thaddeus doesn’t recognize her, and keeps asking for his “little girl” making Zola realize that he’s referring to her. Knowing she’ll never be able to have the conversation with him she’s so desperately wanted, she instead takes his hand and starts singing Jeff Buckley’s version of Hallelujah, tears streaming down her face. Thaddeus calms down and drifts off into sleep, never fully regaining consciousness before he passes away three days laters. Unbeknownst to Zola, Chris and Sharon are watching Zola and Thaddeus' goodbye from the hallway. Both in tears it’s at this moment that Chris realizes that he thinks he’s falling in love with his best friend.

After Zola’s dad dies, Chris is more confused than ever. He goes to Edmund’s house because he needs someone to talk things over with. He tells Edmund how he always knew that Emi was the love of his life and that he could never imagine himself loving anyone else the way that he loved her. But that now he has feelings for Zola and he’s not sure what to do. Edmund tells Chris that two things can be true at once. Emi was a great love of Chris’ life, and what he had with her was special and one of a kind and isn’t something that he’ll share with anyone else again in the same way. But that doesn’t mean that he can’t fall in love with someone else and experience a great love story with them that is just theirs and just as worth having. Like Edmund says  if Chris thinks that he and Zola are worth taking that risk together, then he needs to stop wasting his time talking to Edmund and go tell Zola that 😂 Shortly after this Chris and Zola both end up attending another party of Nate’s. At this party Maya, Zola’s producer introduces her to an artist named Matt that she’s friends with and who she has been wanting to get Zola on a date with forever. Zola and Matt hit off and are just engaging in interesting small talk when Chris arrives at the party. He sees Zola with Matt and can tell that Matt’s interested in her. Although he knows it’s not fair for him to feel this way, he’s jealous plain and simple. In typical Chris fashion when he’s uncomfortable he retreats inwardly, and spends the rest of the party ignoring Zola and Matt. Zola on the other hand notices that Chris is there and when she tries to say hi to him is hurt when he quickly blows her off, briefly introducing himself to Matt before walking away to chat with Nate for the rest of the night. Pissed off Zola shows up at Chris’ house after the party and demands to know why he was ignoring her all night. Chris denies he was ignoring her to which Zola calls bullshit. “I’ve been your best friend for four years now Chris. I know when you’re lying. Just be honest with me” Chris insists that he just was in a bad mood and didn’t want to disturb her and Matt. This really upsets Zola as she realizes now that he was jealous. She tells Chris that this isn’t fair, that he doesn’t get to have her as his best friend, but then ignore her when she’s just talking to another guy. Especially when it’s been obvious since she got out of the treatment center that she’s been in love with him. Chris is shocked to hear Zola say it out loud and she repeats herself: “There I said it. I’m in love with you Chris. I’ve been in love with you all this time and I think deep down part of you has always known that.” Zola breaks down and with tears starting to trickle down her eye tells Chris that she thought she could keep her feelings to herself, just accept only having Chris as her friend, but that she realizes now it’s not fair to either of them to do that. She deserves to be with someone who loves her and that if Chris doesn’t feel the same way he needs to tell her so that she can finally let go of the possibility of Chris and move on with her life. Chris is genuinely stunned and doesn’t know what to say. He tells Zola that over the last year since their Paris trip he has thought of her as more than a friend but that he didn’t know how to handle it and doesn’t know what to do. Zola is heartbroken and tells him that she thinks they both need some space away from each other. As she’s leaving his house she drops off an envelope for him and tells him it’s an early birthday present.

A week goes by and Chris and Zola still haven’t spoken. Chris is informed at the last minute that he needs to take Eleanor’s place on an upcoming engagement in Gardania (much to Lottie’s delight) because Eleanor’s doctor has advised her not to travel due to her pregnancy complications (she’s pregnant with Ingrid at this point). Chris travels to Gardania where he undertakes an engagement with none other than Miss Emilia DeVilliers herself. Chrisemi undertake their engagement together, astutely handling the press’ invasive questions about whether they’re going to get back together. After the engagement is over Emi asks Chris if he’d like to have dinner with her that night as friends to catch up. Chris agrees. They have dinner and easily fall back into their old banter and routine with one another. An hour and 2 glasses of wine into dinner Emi mentions the elephant in the room and asks Chris if he ever imagines what their lives together would have been like had they not broken up. Chris tells her of course he has, that everyday for the first few years after their break up he thought about her and wished that he had been more mature so that he could have handled his military deployment better. He apologizes to Emi for not communicating with her properly and tells her that she deserved more than to be blindsided like that. Emi accepts his apology and apologizes for not having recognized sooner that Chris was struggling at the time and that trying to fix things for him wasn’t what he needed. She also says she’s sorry if she hurt him once she started dating Bart. Chris admits he was upset about it because he knew that Bart had feelings for Emi while they were together and it made him second guess whether she did too. Emi says she didn’t and that after the break up she was so heart broken that it was just easy and comfortable to fall back into a relationship with Bart since they knew each other so well and trusted each other. She was lonely and he was the right person who was there for her when she needed it. This then leads Emi to ask Chris about Zola. Seeing them rekindle their friendship really surprised Emi and she had her own thoughts about whether Chris had thought about her during their relationship. Chris doesn’t hesitate to say no, absolutely not. He never thought about Zola while he was with Emi and probably never would have spoken to her again had they not both ended up together at Nate’s beach party that day. But even then Chris tells Emi he’s glad that he and Zola came back into each other’s lives when they did because they were both there for one another when they really needed it. Staring at him Emi can tell that Chris cares about Zola quite deeply, and she tells him quietly that she thinks he should tell Zola that he’s in love with her. A surprised Chris aks Emi how she can tell and she said its obvious from the way that his face lights up when he talks about as it her reminds Emi of how he used to look at her when they were together. Chris tells Emi he thinks he’s already blown his chance, but she tells him to learn from their mistakes and go after her. As they end their evening giving each other a warm hug goodbye, neither notices that they’ve been photographed by an annoying paparazzo with a long-lease camera from across the street.

The next morning Chris awakens to a flurry of text messages and missed calls from his press secretary, Helena, Max, and most importantly Lottie as photos of him and Emi from the night before have been posted all over the internet proclaiming them back together. Chris freaks out because he realizes how this is going to look to Zola and he doesn’t want her to get the wrong idea about him and Emi. He tries calling and texting her but doesn’t get a response. On his flight back home to Monaca as he’s stressing he remembers the envelope Zola had left him. He’d packed it inside his briefcase but had forgotten to open it. Inside it the envelope is a flash drive and a note that simply reads: “to the only person I’d want to explore Paris with” Intrigued Chris plugged the flash drive into his laptop and clicked play on the single track labeled “Paris” as he did he was taken aback hearing the song that Zola had written about their night together. Hearing Zola belt out:

I wanna brainwash you into loving me forever. I wanna transport you. To somewhere the culture’s clever. Confess my truth in swooping, sloping, cursive letters. Let the only flashing lights be the tower at midnight….in an alleyway, drinking champagne. Cause we were in Paris. Yes we were somewhere else. My love, we were in Paris, Yes we were somewhere else.”

Chris realized not only how much Zola loved him but how much he loved her too. When his plane landed he called his press secretary and told him to put out a statement denying the reports about him an Emi and to clear his schedule for the rest of the day because he had an important stop he had to make. Racing over to Zola’s house Chris banged on the door hoping she was home. When Zola answered Chris told her to not say anything and to just hear him out: He didn’t know what she’d heard or seen online about him and Emi but none of it was true. It was just two friends saying goodbye after a great dinner together. And the reason he needed her to know is because she’s his best friend, and being honest with each other is what they do. Which is why he was sorry for not being honest with her about his feelings for her sooner. Because the truth is that he’s in love with her and he has been ever since their night together in Paris. He was just too scared to admit it because after Emi he was so heartbroken he thought he would never fall in love again and he didn’t want to get hurt. That night in Paris Zola had told Chris that one day he would fall in love again without even realizing it, and she was right, he had…with her. Slowly and then all at once. He’d listened to “Paris” and although he wasn’t the mysterious frenchman of her dreams, if she’d have him he would love to be the guy she always wants to roam the streets of Paris with. Queue Zola jumping into Chris’ arms and telling him “it took you long enough” as they both laugh and share a movie-worthy kiss.

Chris and Zola start dating and four months later the Grimalldi’s press office announces their relationship after being tipped off that the press was about to publish a story on them dating.  Their relationship announcement sends Zolanation into such a freak out that they break twitter and cause the app to go down from all the freak outs over their reunion. Zola’s next album comes out two months later with Paris as the debut track (released with Chris’ permission). And after realizing that Paris is about Chris, most of Zolanation become ardent supporters of their rekindled romance. At Margot’s behest the rest of the family is respectful and supportive of Chris dating Zola. Even Lottie comes to like Zola the more time she actually starts to spend with her. A year and half into their relationship Chris tells Helena + Marmax that he wants to propose to Zola and that once they’re married he’s stepping down from being a working royal. Chris lets them know that he’ll continue to serve the family with dignity in the future work he wants to pursue but that he wants to build a life with Zola and he knows that being a working royal isn’t for her. Helena and Max are NOT happy about this but Margot makes it clear to them that they need to respect Chris’ choices or risk losing him. With Margot ever the voice of reason, Helena and Max give Chris their blessing to propose to Zola. Chris proposes to Zola in Paris (of course) at midnight on the anniversary of the night of their infamous trip. They get married in a private ceremony on the beach where they first reconnected at Nate’s party 6 years ago. True to his word Chris renounces his duchy title and decides to start his own non-profit organization aimed at helping military veterans re-adjusting to civilian life. The inspiration was the series of journals his Uncle Nicholas had written during his military tenure and in his first year back at home after the Nihon War. Eliza had given the journals to Chris before he left for his initial deployment and they provided him with a lot of guidance during his first few years of service. Zola retired from singing and touring after her she and Chris got married as she wanted to settle down and have a family. Two years after their wedding they had twins Julian (boy) and Lydia (a girl) (aka the fake Chriszola babies you previously made). When the twins are three Zola eventually writes and produces an album of children’s lullabies inspired by her twins, the album is a success and she ends up winning another grammy for it. When the twins are four oopsie baby number three happens Evelyn (girl) aka Evie. She has Zola’s brown hair and the Grimalldi green eyes. Chris and Zola raise their kids out of the spotlight (as much as they can) but luckily for Zola’s fans after her children’s album she makes guest appearances over the years singing at some of the events put on by Chris’s non-profit. Although Zola was never able to really heal her relationship with her dad before he died, she remains close to her stepmom Sharon and her brother Greg. Chriszola happily grow old together watching their kids grow up. Julian ends up following in his dad’s footsteps and takes over running the non-profit once Chris retires. Lydia ends up becoming a famous fashion model and Evie becomes an archaeologist specializing in Ancient Egyptian history (yes this is 100% a nod to the badass that is Miss Evelyn O’Connor of The Mummy Series).

The End. 

#ts4 story #ts4 screenshots #ts4 bts #ts4 legacy #ts4 storytelling #the sims 4 story #the sims 4 screenshots #the sims 4 bts #the sims 4 legacy #the sims 4 storytelling #ts4 roleplay #ts4 edit #ts4 simblr #ts4 #sims 4 #the sims 4 #ts4 screenies #sims 4 screenies #ts4 family #extras

[callunavulgari]

"The kingdom come, the rise, the fall The setting sun above it all I just wanna be somebody to you"

Heather’s Top 50 Songs of 2023

thumbs — sabrina carpenter // dragostea din tei — feuerschwanz // edge of midnight — miley cyrus & stevie nicks // warrior of the mind — jorge rivera-herrans // happier than ever — kelly clarkson // flowers — miley cyrus // see you again — miley cyrus // six — six cast // fairytale — joel sunny // middle of the night — elley duhe // our light — lyn // it's terror time again — sesamoid // eat your young — hozier // step into darkness — dubkiller // got you — ga eun // just a man — jorge rivera-herrans // labour — paris paloma // the tornado — owl city // green green grass — george ezra // suzume — radwimps // can't take my eyes off you — boys town gang // survive — jorge rivera-herrans // mermaids— florence & the machine // unknown/Nth — hozier // we didn't start the fire — fall out boy // hold me like a grudge — fall out boy // where is the justice — death note musical // 30/90 — andrew garfield // everyday — buddy holly // i'm just ken — ryan gosling // what was i made for? — billie eilish // speechless — naomi scott // son of nyx — hozier // damage gets done — hozier & brandi carlile // paradise valley — honey and the sting // stand by me — florence & the machine //  my prayer — the platters // baby don't hurt me — david guetta // quietly yours — birdy // someone to you  — banners // one more time — blink 182 // adelaide — ramblewood // i'm just your problem — lur // you're gonna be okay — ashh blackwood // mr lonely  — angel olsen // now and then — the beatles // vois sur ton chemin — bennett // history is now — natalie holt // purpose is glorious — natalie holt // the power — borislav slavov

short version | long version | spotify wrapped

short version is the link to what you see here, my helpfully abridged version. long version will lead you to the 141 song, 8 hour and 17 minute supercut playlist which i’ve been slowly cultivating since early january. spotify wrapped will lead you to a mixture of the long and the short version, which is honestly pretty accurate but does not helpfully represent my ear worms of the week. i also skewed my data for it by listening to the spiritfarer and hollow knight soundtracks on repeat to ease the wedding anxieties.

also fun fact, the cover for this year's mix is actually a picture of the tree outside our room during our wedding day.

under the cut are the lyrics that really resonated with me and only a little personal tidbits from this year, because let's be real, nobody cares.

i. thumbs || sabrina carpenter 'cause that's just the way of the world it never ends 'til the end and then you start again

This one was playing as we left the florence concert late last year and dogged me all through january and february last winter. ii. dragostea din tei || feuerschwanz Alo, salut, sunt eu un haiduc Si te rog iubirea mea primeste fericirea

Yes, it's a metal cover. Yes, I found it on tiktok. Yes, I love it unconditionally.

iii. edge of midnight || miley cyrus & stevie nicks The midnight sky is the road I'm takin' Head high up in the clouds (oh, oh)

There's THREE Miley Cyrus songs on here this year. Nuts. I really loved cranking this while driving home from Newark back when I was still hybrid. Much serotonin in those gray winter months. iv. warrior of the mind || jorge rivera-herrans & teagan earley Maybe one day they'll follow me and we'll Make a greater tomorrow, then they'll see Is it REALLY a surprise that Epic grabbed me by the throat this year?

v. happier than ever || kelly clarkson You ruined everything good Always said you were misunderstood Made all my moments your own Just fucking leave me alone I actually ended up hearing the Billie Eilish version of this first, but I ended up reading a post about how Billie's version was for the shitty boyfriend's of the world but Kelly's was to her mom and just. That resonated SO so much that it's stuck with me ever since. I have a complicated relationship with mine. She didn't come to my wedding this year. Anyway, definitely screamed this in my car on long drives. vi. flowers || miley cyrus i can buy myself flowers write my name in the sand

I need to preface this with the fact that my partner and I have a wonderful relationship that I wouldn't trade for the world. This song is still a fucking banger. vii. see you again || miley cyrus I got my sights set on you and I'm ready to aim I have a heart that will never be tamed

Third Miley song of the year, I believe all ear worms before March. I ended up getting in a Tiktok loop of body transformations set to this song while I was really getting into working with weights. It was great inspiration that I DEARLY needed that early into things. The song is also incredibly catchy. viii. six || six cast we're one of a kind, no category too many years lost in his story I honestly feel like we saw this musical last year but this song in particular dogged me into this one. ix. fairytale || joel sunny *instrumental*

Found this instrumental version of a much beloved song due to a random discover weekly and loved it so much that I seriously considered using it in my wedding. x. middle of the night || elley duhe Come, lay me down 'Cause you know this 'Cause you know this sound

Shh, it's the horny booktok song. I won't be shamed. xi. our light || lyn 夢を夢と気づいた夜 君を見つめ瞼を閉じる 温もりも重ねた手も声も 目覚めれば微睡みへと消えて

I have been trying to finish persona 5 royal since 2020. this year, i finally beat it. xii. it's terror time again || sesamoid Oh, you just might die of fright, It's a terrifying time.

Yes, it's a Scooby Doo remix. yes, I love it. xiii. eat your young || hozier I'm starving, darling Let me put my lips to something Let me wrap my teeth around the world The horniest Hozier song since Take Me to Church in my humble opinion. I adored it immediately. xiv. step into darkness || dubkiller Blood on your hands, maybe you're dreaming? Do you believe, nightmares you're seeing?

Tiktok? xv. got you || ga eun Will you promise you’ll rescue me Take me from eternal loneliness

This was the theme song (I think?) to a Korean drama we were obsessed with for a little bit and I don't think we ever finished? Song is interesting though and sticks with you. xvi. just a man || jorge rivera-herrans When does a ripple become a tidal wave? When does the reason become the blame? When does a man become a monster? More Epic, because I am a mythology loving twelve year old at heart. The many, MANY tiktoks to this particular song did not help.

xvii. labour || paris paloma The capillaries in my eyes are bursting If our love died, would that be the worst thing?

It's catchy. I had more typed out but tumblr fucking ate it, so fuck it.

xviii. the tornado || owl city A little rain never hurt no one, so I kept pressin' on And I tried to tell myself it's always darkest before the dawn

Another song I played very loudly while driving home.

xix. green green grass || george ezra Green, green grass, blue, blue sky You better throw a party on the day that I die

Dancy song!

xx. suzume || radwimps ル・ル・ルルルルル・ルルル・ルルルルルル ル・ル・ルルルルル・ルルル・ルルルルルル We saw this in theaters! I really loved it! xxi. can't take my eyes off you || boys town gang You're just too good to be true Can't take my eyes off of you The Tiktok dances got me. More serotonin when I really needed it. xxii. survive || jorge rivera-herrans Six hundred lives I'll take Six hundred lives I'll break And when I kill you, then my deed is over

More Epic! xxiii. mermaids || florence & the machine You only get one night upon the shore So dance like you've never danced before

I love Florence. That is all. xxiv. unknown / nth || hozier You know the distance never made a difference to me I swam a lake of fire, I'd have walked across the floor of any sea

Hozier was honestly the artist that kept me the most company this year if I'm not counting Spiritfarer or Hollow Knight. xxv. we didn't start the fire || fall out boy Mars rover, Avatar, self-driving electric cars SSRI's, Prince and The Queen die World trade, second plane, what else do I have to say?

I know it won't happen, but I hope every generation does a remake/remix of this song. Also, I saw Billy Joel himself in concert this year! xxvi. hold me like a grudge || fall out boy Hold me, hold me like a grudge The world is always spinning, and I can't keep up, whoa Honestly, I was a fan. xxvii. where is the justice || death note cast isn't everybody sick to death of all this stuff can't we all stand up and say enough?

This song gets stuck in my head like no one's business. xxviii. 30/90 || tick tick boom cast making choices, wicked witches poppy fields, or men behind the curtain tiger lilies, ruby slippers clock is ticking, that's for certain I still think that if Stranger Things did a musical episode Steve Harrington would have Andrew Garfield from Tick Tick Boom energy. xxix. everyday || buddy holly Every day seems a little longer Every way, love's a little stronger

Good Omens 2 dropped! I loved it! I also didn't love it! But mostly I was just happy. xxx. i'm just ken || ryan gosling I wanna know what's like to love, to be the real thing Is it a crime? Am I not hot when I'm in my feelings? And is my moment finally here, or am I dreaming?

I went to see this movie by myself because I was sick of waiting for someone to go with me and honestly had a great time. It was silly and fun and I loved the fact that so many dudes got so incredibly butt-hurt about it. xxxi. what was i made for || billie eilish 'Cause I, I I don't know how to feel But I wanna try

God, this song. It made me cry at the end of Barbie and I've been getting up in my feelings about it ever since. xxxii. speechless — naomi scott I will take these broken wings And watch me burn across the sky Apparently this is from the Aladdin live action? I haven't seen it so I can't confirm, but I DID hear this song this summer and fall in love with it. xxxiii. son of nyx || hozier *instrumental* This one might be my favorite? xxxiv. damage gets done || hozier And, darling, I haven't felt it since then I don't know how the feeling ended But I know being reckless and young Is not how the damage gets done

Another Hozier!!!!!! xxxv. paradise valley || honey and the sting Take what you want from me I bring it willingly

I may have done these next three out of order, but hey! I got married this year! As some of you may know, paradise valley has been the song that I have been obsessed with since I first heard it on Wolf 359 back in 2018/2019. I couldn't figure out a way to make it work in a traditional sense for the wedding, so I ended up using it as a private last dance. As the clock was hitting ten o'clock we had our dj gently shoo the stragglers out the door and just crooned this to each other in the dark. It was probably my favorite part of the entire night. xxxvi. stand by me || florence & the machine So darlin', darlin', stand by me Oh, stand by me

This was our first dance. As it should be. We timed our few spins around the 'darlins' and it honestly went great. 10 out of 10, would dance again. xxxvii. my prayer || the platters My prayer is to linger with you At the end of the day I did a sneaky thing. It was Nick's grandparents 65th wedding anniversary a few days before our wedding, so I quietly found out "their song" and had our DJ play it as the first official couples/slow dance of the night after wishing them a happy anniversary. They cried. I cried. The photographer cried. It was great. xxxviii. baby don't hurt me || david guetta What is love? Baby, don't hurt me

Yeah, it's just a catchy cover. xxxix. quietly yours || birdy I've always been yours Only yours This was from the Persuasion soundtrack and god, it's just so achingly haunting. xl. someone to you || banners I don't wanna die or fade away I just wanna be someone Well, doesn't everyone?

Look. I just wanna be someone. xli. one more time — blink 182 Do I have to die to hear you miss me? Do I have to die to hear you say goodbye? I don't wanna act like there's tomorrow I don't wanna wait to do this one more time One more time. I got tickets to their concert next year. We'll see if they cancel this one. xlii. adelaide || ramblewood Wish you could lay those shadows down And find your way back home

I think this is a local artist? I fell in love with the song though. xliii. i'm just your problem || lur Sorry I don't treat you like a goddess Is that what you want me to do?

Watched Fionna and Cake in like a day and a half and fell all the way back in love with Bonnie and Marceline. xliv. you're gonna be okay || ashh blackwood puff out your chest, take a deep breath you're gonna be okay

This showed up on an anxiety mix and now I literally sing it to myself if I'm having a fast day. It is VERY short, but impactful. xlv. mr lonely || angel olsen Now, I am a soldier A lonely soldier Away from home Through no wish of my own My Yuletide fic that has not yet been revealed was about [REDACTED]. I listened to this and a handful of other sad, lonely songs while writing it. xlvi. now and then || the beatles Oh, now and then I want you to be there for me This song has DEVASTATED me since it came out. I will not be the same again. xlvii. vois sur ton chemin || bennett Vois sur ton chemin Gamins oubliés, égarés

Another tiktok ear worm. I'm not much for techno, but I love this one. xlviii. history is now || natalie holt *instrumental*

Loki fucked me all the way up, guys. I know everyone is crying about it, and I'm crying too! It's beautiful and tragic and one of the most fantastic endings for a character arc that I have EVER seen out of Marvel. I HOPE they leave it alone. I hope they leave it as is so we get to keep the beautiful ending and they don't fuck it up. xlix. purpose is glorious || natalie holt *instrumental*

Again, fucked me ALL the way up. I wept. And watched it three times in a row. These two songs will be on my writing playlist for the rest of time. l. the power || borislav slavov I found you too soon Shining star of mine, hold tight Don't fight the power

I have not officially finished Baldur's Gate. However, every iteration of this song is haunting me.

#heather says what #fanmixes #2023 #year in review #year in music #new year's memes #music makes the world go round

[rinbowaman]

got a challenge for you, your moots as songs go!!

hmmm....

i have quite a few that i consider moots but for the sake of time since i have to go help my mom out, i'll do the people that i am closest to....

@talesofyuan - I know she is fond of Japanese songs and I too listen to them quite frequently, mainly because of anime lol. But Inuyasha has always been (still is) my number one favorite anime of all time, and this song holds a special place in my heart because i would listen to it all the time after watching the show. literally. it's very calming and the lyrics are very becoming of strength, moving forward, and building courage. love it. i think it does well to represent Yuanwon-ie.

@iamliacamila - its a shame that this cover isn't on spotify, but for many reasons, i am dedicating THIS version of THIS song to the one and only Camila because i just know her love for Heeseung is strong....it is very strong. so when i hear this song (regardless which version) i think of her.

@nikstrange - My longtime heethan girl. Of course, when this track came out, I thought of heeseung with this one, and Ethan with chaconne. Doesn't matter which one i listen to, i'm going to think about her because i know just how much she loves heethan. the way she gets sooooo hyped up brings me up to the level of motivation i need, on days where i am so darn tired because i've been helping out the parents, or the weather is bad, and i just feel lazy, nikstrange has been my motivation to continue forth and produce content for yall. so thank her for like the timeliness of the postings. :)

@silcry - I like this song for silcry because, the lyrics and the beat is groovy (now mind you, based off the vlives, i am familiar with heeseung's choice of music, and i've listened to this song way before i discovered enhypen, but i think he would like this song) but also...i listen to this song quite a bit when i think about heethan for each chapter. and i know how much my silcry loves heethan with these wonderful asks i'm getting. keep it up! <3

@vampiregirl215 - so when i originally was drafting the teaser for SE7EN, i was listening to this song as i have alot of type O negative in my playlist and when i was drafting up Heelel's character, this song was literally just playing in the background and not so much the lyrics, but the beat of it just helped make me develop that deep and dark vibe of heelel...which i know my vamp-girl looooooves heelel. So everytime i listen to type O, especially this song, i think of heelel. I am dedicating this song to her because i love how she expresses her love for heelel. lol.

@jaehaki - my longtime supporter and reblogger, i have to use this song to reflect just how much this reader has lifted me by supporting me. literally an angel on earth! Muah! this song is for my jaehaki because, truly....they're an angel...and i love the way they always express their love or my works! so cute and funny!

@en-thralled or @angelsunoo - this beautiful person (pardon the tacky pun) but truly is a beautiful person inside and out because the moment they discovered my work, they have been such a joy and delight to interact with. i love the way they express their love for each chapter of SE7EN series, the message they sent where they were sooooooo delighted by one of the chapters they said "you little bitch!" and i loooooooved every single bit of it, it brought such a big smile on my face bc i knew they loved the chapter so much that they couldnt contain themselves. so beautiful!

@raishaii - My partner in crime! no matter what i write and what i warn people of, this person is truly a rose because they appreciate my work so much that they'll grin and bear through anything just to read my chapters and it tickles me and brings me joy. literally, when i think of roses, i think of Rai. Secret note, they dont know this but those banners i used in the recent SE7EN chapters, the ones with the red roses, I picked roses because i was thinking of raishaii since i was interacting with them through comments at the time about the latest chapters. <3

@stvrryhee - so i love this song ....sooooooo much and, i compare this song to my precious Stvrryhee because, whenever i read their comments on the latest chapters, it literally gives me the same rush of excitement and motivation that of a sugar rush, which brings me to this song. I love interacting with my readers and Stvrryhee is no exception, it's literally like a daily routine and i love it. i can't go on a day without my daily interactions with them. <3

@jinniespuppy - I love this song...ofc i love dua lipa and i also love elton john...so the two of them together is literally a masterpiece...just like this reader. she reaches out to me and expresses her love for my chapters in a very affectionate manner that just melts my heart. the love i have in reading her messages reminds me of the love i have for this song bc i truly do love it so much. <3

@lisaaannna - my little Fräu·lein! so one of my all time favorites from En- is this song...i just love this song, the up and catchy beat and not to mention, i do enjoy the choreography for it as well. I love this song so much just like i do with my lisanna. so smart and always so inquisitive, coming up with thoughts on heethan that inspires me to put some of the more sentimental moments in each chapter. so if you're looking to thank someone for the fluff and the very endearing moments of heethanxreaden, look no further, this girl had inspired the events for chapter 16 and 17 of HHP.

[trigun-manga-overhaul]

Trigun Ultimate Overhaul Update - Unreleased Promotional Material and Origin Story.

OVERHAUL FRIDAY 12/23/22 - PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL AND ORIGIN STORY.

It's been four years since the project started and the goal has never changed. The only thing that really changed was the scope of it and how much material was needed to keep people interested and all the edits made in connection with that. It started as a single man undertaking but eventually grew to have a consistent team of three, along with a few guest helpers here and there.

In this post we'll share the story of how the project came to be and then a few iterations of these edits we've made.

(Above: Early Overhaul promotional edit.)

THE STORY

To briefly tell the story of how we got here, we've got to go back to 2018.

It started with me, the project leader, D, getting into Trigun in November of 2018. Being a relatively new fan, I have learned a lot in the brief time I've been in this fandom and community, actually, it was pretty dead when I came around. I had no intention of being alone in my newfound interest, so I wanted to start get things going and wrote up a plan for how I wanted to revive the fandom as a whole.

At the same time, I started checking up on the history of the fandom in every corner it existed, learning more and more about what has happened in the past and where everyone went. During that dive I learned about people's displeasure over the manga and how there were two translations. I realized quickly afterwards that I had seen both in my desire to read the manga back at the start, and that I had found the Scanlation first but immediately dropped it due to the horrible quality and went on to find the Dark Horse Comics translation.

But what I few from fans of the past, a repeated notion between more dedicated fans, was that the Dark Horse Comics translation was also subpar and that the writing was off, something I agreed with.

I've always been a very determined person and a perfectionist, so it was just a matter of time before I decided to be the one to make that new translation. I got all the files I needed and started working on a method for preparing them, planning out everything I needed done before I really could get to work. I was doing all of this in the background while I made daily content for the subreddit in early 2019, back when there were only about 2000 people. I also started a Trigun Discord server, TriCord, at the time, wanting to connect with as many people as possible.

(Above: The thumbnail for the Spotify playlist "Dancing Revolver.")

I spent the next months cleaning pages. I was removing text and redrawing bubbles and backgrounds as needed, as well as removing compression from the downloaded pages to make them clear and crisp. Some would see it as tedious work but I personally quite enjoyed it. It was pretty therapeutic and a nice way to unwind after coming home from work.

On a more personal note, it was also really nice to have this project on the side when things went a little sideways. Within the span of a single week both my parents were suddenly hospitalized and I had to temporarily move into a room at their house, so that I could look after them when they came back from hospital, as they required care. My mom was wheelchair bound for a month and then used crutches for a while afterwards, and my dad was very ill. With all that worry, it was vital to be able to clear my mind with a bit of creative work. My dad was diagnosed with cancer then, but through a successful operation, he made a full recovery and has been cancer free since.

A month or so later, I finished the entire cleaning process, allowing me to tackle the translation finally.

(Above: A black background variation of the 10/29/21 release.)

In retrospective, there's a ton about the earliest translations that I want to change in the new version, as my skill have vastly improved since. I have more experience and the tools I have have grown, so I would be able to do a better job today than back then, another reason why 2.0 is needed before I'm satisfied with the work done.

In late 2019 I had some help looking over pages I've already translated and typeset, just to get a better sense for what I need to look out for. This is the first time I'm actually working with anyone on the project, having been handling the planning and work alone before this. However, those who were kind to help me out didn't have all the time in the world to help out whenever it was needed, and they weren't as deeply into the process I was, so it was difficult for a few people to get a feel for what I wanted exactly.

I had a stable work partner from November 2019 and to July 2020 but then that partnership went silent. It wasn't before the summer of 2020 that I ended up with one of my current stable partners for the project, someone who really brought the quality of the writing to a whole new level. That partner being Vulpana. With our combined set of skills, I personally feel like the final results of our writing that improved greatly.

Later the second work partner, Arth, would join. With a sharp eye for all the technicalities of writing, as well as a much less constantly tired eye on all the work, we have reached as good as the text can get. I am very happy with the work we're doing together, the feel of it and the coherency. We work really well together and our communication is professional and fantastic.

(Above: The first version of the credit page for Trigul Vol 2.)

It was also through encouragement from various parties that I decided to list the Overhaul project on my CV while looking for another job. As I personally didn't see the point in listing a nerdy project, others insisted it couldn't hurt and that the project in of itself is impressive.

I had to eat my own words in late 2021 though, as I ended up getting offered a job as a professional translator for a respected international theater anthropology organization. They expressed their interest in my project, noting that they were impressed by the personal dedication to translate and formulate for fun. I gladly accepted the position, of course, and it became my dream job. Been working that position since and it has both helped my project and my project has helped it.

As there's not much else to say, I'll share a few more images as promised! Enjoy!

(Above: Early idea for the credit page for Trigun Vol 2.)

(Above: Spotify thumbnail for the upcoming Overhaul work theme playlist.)

MORE INFO NEXT WEEK!

#trigun #trigun maximum #trimax #fan project #manga #trigun overhaul #trigun ultimate #trigun ultimate overhaul #infodump

[evilwickedme]

This may be WILDLY belated considering when the books were published, but what’s the Raven Cycle about/why is it good in your opinion? Always heard a lot about it in the abstract but nothing actually about the plot.

I mean yeah it's a little belated but better late than never is real and especially applies to one of my fav books of all time

Ok so what is TRC about? In a literal sense it's about a girl named Blue, who isn't psychic but who lives in a house full of women who are including her mom, who's been told her entire life that if she kisses her true love, he will die. She then gets involved with a group of boys from the local prep school, Gansey, Adam, Ronan, and Noah, who - under Gansey's leadership - are looking for a dead (possibly not actually dead) Welsh King right there in West Virginia.

But that's just the story. Listen, this thing's got intrigue and murder and soft magic systems for days, but that's not what makes TRC one of my all time favorite books of all time.

So what is TRC about? As a whole, it's about family - in all its forms. Blood relations, for better and for worse, and friendships that are closer than blood. As a whole, it's about class - the ways class shapes us and the opportunities we do or do not get because of it and what it means about our past, present, and future and how it lets us relate to one another or prevents us from understanding one another.

But on an individual level, each character undergoes such specific arcs that are somehow so universal you can't help but empathize with all of them. It's about learning that you don't hate yourself, or at least learning to stop hating yourself. It's a coming out narrative. It's about getting out of an abusive situation and the many steps it takes to recover from that mindset. It's about chasing love. It's about desire. It's about wanting to plant your feet in the ground and still reach for the stars.

It's also about cars. And trees. There are so many trees.

Like seriously. A fuckload of trees.

Why is it good? It's well written, for one. All my copies, whether digital or physical, are covered in highlights and notes and google translations of latin. I've analyzed and analyzed again and read and reread these books and I always find something new in them.

There's something that's so homey about the minds of these characters. Especially having first read them as a deeply strange teen, they capture something about being a deeply strange teen that I simply haven't seen anywhere else. And this is the example of the found family trope, for me. These deeply strange teens who found other deeply strange teens to understand and love them.

The supporting cast here is also rich and varied. There's something like thirty POVs in the final book but it doesn't feel like it, because you've been existing alongside these characters for so many pages that getting to say goodbye to all of them is all that makes sense.

Beyond that a lot of the reasons I think are good are straight up spoilers or even veer into discourse. But yeah, TRC is worth your time. Several times over.

Also, the audiobooks are like, fine, and available for free on Spotify, which fucked up my stats for 2021 and also forever and ever in general, so there you go.

(I've only read each book in the sequel series, The Dreamer Trilogy, once each, so I'm not nearly as eloquent on it as I am this one, but I will say that it's also worth reading, but it deals with entirely different subjects, is a little darker, and I don't love it as much. I'm not unhappy with the end Maggie Stiefvater gave us for this world, however.)

#trc #the raven cycle #books #page-vacat #gail speaks #ask #also! it's been a couple of months since we last talked ily have a happy new year

[astronautdinosaur]

My latest show AM Gold opens April 8th 6-8pm at Harman Projects in New York. It's a show about music and time travel. How music sometimes has the ability to transport us back to a specific place in our lives and, if even for a second, relive our past. This one is based on vague memories I have of waiting to be picked up by a friend's mom in her wood paneled station wagon, where we'd listed to the radio on the way into preschool. I couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 at the time, and while I've always had a good memory of my childhood, I've read many articles recently suggesting that memory is, in many instances, more a fabrication of our mind than an accurate capturing of reality. Despite my belief in my own memories as tangible things, I also totally believe that they're often probably a mix of random feelings, dreams I once had, and totally made up nonsense. But this show is also about the haziness of memory, about how transporting yourself back in time doesn't necessarily solve your present day problems. It is, as they say, more about the journey than the destination. So let's go back in time and turn on the radio, shall we? I've created a series of playlists on Spotify for this show which chart the course of my life in various ways. From soft rock hits of the 70's to middle school dance jams to Britpop to the Strokes. They're meant to accompany the paintings, but really I made them for myself. I tracked down music I hadn't really listened to in decades. I added music I just listened to yesterday. This list, like a mixtape, is meant to show off my esoteric musical tastes but, unlike a mixtape, is unafraid of revealing me to be a total nerd. There's a lot of uncool stuff on here. But it's the soundtrack to my life, where a lot of uncool stuff happened. Give them a listen here - https://open.spotify.com/user/1234373217 And maybe I'll see you at the show opening in New York. I'll be there. And, if you think you might be interested in any paintings from this show, make sure you reach out to [email protected] and ask to be put on the preview list!

#scottlistfield #scott listfield #am gold #rumours #fleetwood mac

[jungwonize]

📨 for you: just the words.

irene week; day 1 :’)

hello irene!! it’s nice to know you’re actually reading this (very ridiculous) post rn :0

but anyways ...

have i ever told you that you make me smile so very much like i cannot explain it. you’re genuinely free serotonin to me and it just makes me feel really good i’m not even kidding right now ?

honestly ever since we had that simple convo on discord abt me just betaing your godly hyunjin fic it’s as if like 💀 life suddenly got better / hsrs

and goddamn when i finished betaing that fic i was left BREATHLESS which is pretty much me, right now, everytime you compliment me or literally just doing anything to make me smile. i appreciate you so fucking much and you deserve all the support and love in the world.

honestly i’m honored even to be friends with you in the first place, like you were someone who i just thought their username was pretty and had super fucking good writing and now that we’re here, you are not the same someone i thought before. you are irene. like how crazy is that

the irene that literally does her best everyday and is the most hard working person i know and never fails to satisfy others. the irene that studied her ass off for 4 hours straight and got those fucking grades she deserved. the irene, that no matter how much shit she’s going through, is still here trying her hardest and always outdoing herself as the result. the irene i love.

you are someone i wholeheartedly admire, not just as a writer but also as a person. as irene. you’re so fucking perfect, remember that

also did i mention how fucking fun it is to literally talk to you??? to even see a simple “hwangsify just reblogged a photo” notification? those times i pulled all nighters and got in trouble for staying up till 6 in the morning to talk to you were all worth it!! and you’re the reason.

oh and the fact that you are so fucking drop dead gorgeous like what the fuck? respectfully, who allowed you to look like THAT for free??? i should be paying my whole (sadly, non–existent as of right now) bank account actually

and i love going pretty fucking crazy with you at 3 in the morning biting my fist trying not to laugh my ass off so i wouldn’t wake my mom up. at this point you make everything in life so so fun that if we even talked about snails having a marathon i wouldn’t even mind (i think i need to catch some MAJOR zebras after this) (haha see what i did there....... funny ....)

btw i also love seeing your posts about what books you’re currently reading or whatever cause over here i’m like, still collecting the newest dork diaries book . (Hey i think adult books are pretty cool too but i need some daily drama about nikki maxwell calling mackenzie hollister a pathological liar for the 3782th time)

by the way time check it’s 1:08 am holy shit i need to be quicker w this hold on let me just speedrun ...

(typing this in a major rush as i have the dire need to fucking piss rn) random story time for you just to cheer you up i was in thw swimming pool today and used this pool noodle whatever the fuck you call it typa shit and i was trying to float w the shit and like put it on the bottom of the pool floor if that even made sense and stepped on it since idk what kind of goal i was trying to achieve there but i was standing for a good 8 seconds and the fucking pool noodle literally just jumped up like a dolphin and hit me in the shin holy fuck i am never doing that shit ever again okay wait i need to piss rn hold on

okay im back its 1:11 the bathroom is so slippery i do not recommnd 1 am pissings

What am i talking about again.

oh yeah right fuck i forgot ur bday help i am sorry .. anyways i really just do adore you so very much you mean the fucking world to me and i know this is probably like the messiest letter you’vw ever received but heyyy at least it’s raw and fucking real!!!! btw tmi i drank 3 iced coffees today i think im going to ascnd to the heavens the fact that keshi is playing in my spotify isnt helping me

but always remember i love you so and i’d get the moon for u if i could ahahaha i really care for you so much and i’m always always here for you if you need me

and with that, i’m ending this with an i love you. (always!)

sincerely,

sai :>

#🍃 — ★.irene week! ♡

[heymarketeer]

How Can You Become A Successful Freelancer

You’re probably thinking of ditching your 9-5 job to try freelancing. I’ve been in your situation six years ago. I’ve read so many stories of people abroad who are work from home freelancers. I’ve read many “work from home” blogs in the years prior – so many that I can’t count them now. I thought then that there’s a hidden industry on the internet that I should check out. And soon enough, I became a part of the gig industry.

I am writing this article from my couch while listening to Spotify, while a typhoon is passing through the region. There’s no internet, but it is fine since I don’t need the connection to write down this short article anyway. (I’ve already prepared my research materials days before, just in case we lose connection.) On a regular day, when I have work for my clients, I don’t have to commute to get into my office. It is literally a second or two away from my bedroom. What I currently love about freelancing is that I can always work and watch the current news at the same time. My table setup is just a few feet away from my couch and television. How’s that for comfort?

Anyway, in the Philippines, I’m not alone in this gig industry. More and more people nowadays discover the advantage of working from home and building their online business. Most of these people are moms (or dads), who were previously employed in the traditional 9-5 job but were either forced to stay at home to help with kids or wanted to make career shifts to virtual professions.

If you are interested in becoming one of us, the doors (of freelancing) are already wide open to receive you. Are you ready to freelance? Before you start, I suggest that you read these tips from fellow freelancers to help you become successful freelancers, too!

1) Is your skillset marketable?

What are your skills? Are you one of the many who’s also doing what you do? Competition is high among these freelancers that getting clients can be very difficult. Are you exceptional who can do one of a few? For instance, graphic designers are very in-demand virtual freelancers. They are generally paid higher compared to other freelancers.

2) You’ll get emotional over the loss of a regular working environment.

It’s inevitable. When you freelance, more or less you’ll work solo. Often than not, you’ll work at your home office, without the usual bustle of office work and co-workers. You’ll miss them. You’ll miss acquaintance parties, birthday celebrations, and Christmas office parties. You’ll let go of weekly (bimonthly) wage payments, pensions (benefits), or paid holiday leaves. I promise you that you’ll get used to it eventually. Instead of face to face interaction, you’ll learn how to communicate with team members from all around the globe via Slack or Skype. You’ll still get work payments but not as regularly as before (case to case). Also, you won’t get paid vacations. Pay for it yourself instead and go whenever you want to do it. Just make sure to inform your clients ahead of time, okay?

3) Do you have the necessary tools?

Laptop is the most important tool of the trade for any freelancer. You can also use a personal computer, but laptop is the most preferred tool these days for flexibility. So choose well. Research what is the industry’s most trusted technology requirements. A good internet connection is another necessary requirement. If you freelance and work with clients abroad, internet is a must. Invest in the fastest internet provider that you can afford.

4) When you freelance, you are the brand.

5) Find freelancer friends and join groups.

As I’ve mentioned in Tip #2, freelancing is sometimes a lonely job. You need a support group. Find like-minded people. Find time to network with freelancers who are working in the same niche as you are. I’m gonna be honest and say that when you’re starting out, you’ll need the guidance of people who are already in the business. Find yourself some mentors. It’ll be a bumpy road before it gets better. I’ll highly recommend that you find friends in the virtual world, too.

6) Promote your brand to get more clients.

Clients need to notice you first before you can land a gig. Therefore you need to promote your brand. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Start with a simple website. I highly suggest that you create an online portfolio. When looking for a gig, you don’t need a resume. You just need a portfolio. Start early on this website and build your portfolio along the way. Next, use social media to subtly promote yourself. Build Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn pages. Share things that are relevant to your skills and branding. I highly recommend that you pay close attention to LinkedIn. Did you know that you can find lots of clients on LinkedIn? It is like a landmine of potential biz partners.

7) Take care of yourself.

When you freelance, you earn by the hours or by the projects. Sometimes, you’ll get projects after projects without any care on how many hours you’ll sleep at night. I am guilty of this especially in my first 6 months of freelancing. I run after gigs and money and I admit that I forgot to take care of myself. Thankfully, I didn’t get sick. Thinking about it now, I should have taken care of myself better before. Just remember, your brand is you– body, mind, and soul. So always take care, okay?

8) There will be bad days.

Is your Internet not working? Has your laptop died on you? Managing stressful tasks for the day or the week? Got a horrible client? You’ll get these and more. Every bad day is worse. Don’t worry about it so much. Tomorrow is another day. Just do the best that you can today, get more sleep, and rise for another hopeful day tomorrow.

9) Plan for bigger things.

This is a reality in freelancing: you may have a gig this month then you’ll have next to nothing next month. Learn to earn and save money as you freelance. There will be days that you’ll feel you’re not up to get more clients, and funding will eventually slow down. Learn to get a business plan in place. What are your plans for the next few months? Think about it.

10) Enjoy a “flexible” life.

I decided to work as a freelancer because I wanted to get flexible working time. I wanted to do other things while working. And currently, I am enjoying every bit of it. Working freelance doesn’t mean that you’ll be online 24/7. That’s crazy, but sometimes it happens. Manage your time wisely. Learn to use your time to work, enjoy doing things that you feel passionately about and spend quality time with your family, friends and significant others. Unplug from the freelance life once in a while. I’ll assure you, you’ll get fresher outlook when you do.

[solatgif]

TGIF: Roundup for May 12, 2023

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and we are grateful to share this remarkable testimony from our friend Matthew D. Kim: We Are Not Immune: Lessons from a Mental Health Crisis. Find more resources in our Identity & Health collection.

For Mother’s Day, check out our Moms & Motherhood collection. Featured authors include Faith Chang, Amy Loh, Alice Kim, Heidi Tai, Grace Lung, and Kristen & Karisa You.

This newsletter is one of the many ways you can keep in touch with us. Find us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. For more, check out my Asian American Worship Leaders Facebook group and TGIF Playlist on Spotify. You can reach me on Twitter and Instagram.

Aaron Lee, Editorial Curator

Enter to win this beautiful book! What does the gospel mean for moms? Written by sister-in-laws Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler, Risen Motherhood (Deluxe Edition) gives gospel hope for everyday moments. Read my review. Thanks to Harvest House Publishers for providing this book for our giveaway, in partnership with my newsletters for @diveindigdeep and FCBC Walnut.

Articles From Around The Web

Sara Kyoungah White: The Gift of Loneliness: 3 Ways God Uses Our Desert Seasons

“What my mentor had prayed over me in my college days was true: loneliness, when in the hand of God, can indeed be a gift. Sometimes seasons of loneliness stretch on for longer than we would like. Sometimes the ending is different from what we had imagined. But always, the gift is this: under the care of our ever-present Father, loneliness will bloom into promised love.”

Gray Sutanto: What is Neo-Calvinism?

“Christianity is not just a theological confession for the church, but rather it’s also about how the confession implicates every area of life.”

Duke Kwon: ‘Memorizing’ the Scars of South Korea’s Gwangju Massacre

“Chun Woo-won’s apology for his military dictator grandfather’s sins is Nehemiah in action.”

The SOLA College Writing Cohort is our new writing cohort for college-age students to receive mentorship and training as young Christian writers. Editorial Board member Soojin Park will personally be leading this initiative, and she is very excited at the prospect of nurturing the next generation of Asian American thinkers and writers who will help encourage and edify the Church!

Books, Podcasts, Music, And More

Ekstasis: Mended to Make: An Interview with Makoto Fujimura by Chris Carter

“Artist and author Makoto Fujimura, known also as Mako, is no stranger to the perplexing questions that silence raises, both in the concept itself, but also in the titular book he bases much of his theological pondering upon.”

9Marks: On Missions Work in Central Asia, with Tyler Markson and George Jamieson (Mission Talk, Ep. 13)

“In this episode of Missions Talk, Ryan and Mack chat with two missionaries in Central Asia about their ministry and work.”

Aaron Lee: Related Works

Book Review: True to His Word by Jon Bloom. Listen to our TGIF playlist on Spotify. Join my Asian American Worship Leaders Facebook group.

For Mother’s Day, check out our Moms & Motherhood collection! Featured authors include Faith Chang, Amy Loh, Alice Kim, Heidi Tai, Grace Lung, and Kristen & Karisa You.

Featured This Week On SOLA Network

Aaron Lee: The Great Reformer: A Book Review of “An Explorer’s Guide to John Calvin”

Who was John Calvin, and what did he think about God? While some might be familiar with the term Calvinism, what did he contribute to the Reformed faith? In An Explorer’s Guide to John Calvin, Yudah Thianto takes you on a tour of the life and mind of the great theologian John Calvin.

Matthew D. Kim: We Are Not Immune: Lessons from a Mental Health Crisis

“In 2022, I almost died – twice. The first time was during a battle with COVID pneumonia. The second happened several months later when chronic insomnia spiraled into depression, psychosis, and suicidal ideation.”

Heidi Wong: Digesting Beef

“Left to our own devices, we may be prone to channeling rage sharpened by rationality. If we are already heading down this path, it may be worth it to stop and ask ourselves if there is a better story, making sure to digest it all before carrying on.”

Rick Hardison: 10 Takeaways from “Should Every Church be Multiethnic?”

“Ethnicity matters. It’s a good thing. It’s a good gift God’s given us. And we will not run from it. We will not pretend it doesn’t exist, but we should lean into it, and ask God to use it to further his mission.”

TGIF: Roundup for May 5, 2023

My Church Band Raised a Hallelujah on Netflix’s ‘Beef’ / A Litany of Humility for Writers / Behind-the-Scenes: Christian Publishing / Life and Works with Tom Schreiner / Neo-Calvinism vs. Paleo-Calvinism

General disclaimer: Our link roundups are not endorsements of the positions or lives of the authors.

[listed-by-moms-inspiring-moms]

Indoor Activities to Escape the Summer Heat

 I am a work-from-home mom when I am not at school covering for a teacher, and most of the time, I find myself excitedly thinking about different activities that I can enjoy beyond the four corners of my home. However, when I look outside and see the blazing heat of the sun and the possibility of adding up to the sunspots at the corner of my eyes, I suddenly feel deterred from carrying on with my plan. 

When this scenario happens, I usually just stay at home because, hey! It is fun to stay indoors, too!  

So, Listed! In here are different activities that a scared-to-get-sunburned mom can enjoy inside the house to escape the summer heat.

Indoor Activities to Escape the Summer Heat

Work out.

One of the first activities that I do during the day once I have our home to myself is working out. I simply prepare my yoga mat, tune in to my YouTube workout buddy Emi Wong’s channel, and follow the workout plan designed for the day. 

Doing this sets my mind to greater heights, just like what Robin Sharma said in his 5AM Club book. Though I do not work out at 5 am as recommended, I definitely still get the morning boost that I need before executing all the tasks I prepared to do during the day. 

Not only will a 30-minute workout session make you healthy and strong, it will also enliven your listless energy as working out releases happy hormones that will last throughout the day.

Learn online.

My personal mantra is for learning to never stop. This is the reason that whenever I do menial household chores such as washing the dishes or folding clothes, I listen to podcasts or Spotify materials with the aim of learning something new or catching something amusing at home. 

So far, these are some of the materials that I found online that have kept my mental juices flowing constantly:

a. Ted Talks.

TED Talks are influential and inspiring videos shared by speakers who are experts in their various fields.  I love the different genres covered by Ted Talks. Whether in the field of education, sciences, psychology, or entertainment, Ted Talks episodes are always fun, engaging, and encouraging to listen to. Some episodes, such as the struggles in Afghanistan, exposed me to the discrimination that Afghan girls were experiencing in their country. Meanwhile, some episodes inspired me to become more generous to the world. 

b. Joyce Meyer.

For those who are in tune with their spirituality, Joyce Meyer Ministries is definitely an option to listen to. I find her preachings practical, realistic, and inspiring. She injects personal anecdotes and inspirational nuggets on how she learned to forgive and live her best life despite being sexually and emotionally abused as a child. 

One of the most important lessons that stuck with me is to not talk negatively about myself. This may seem trivial and obvious for many, but for someone who has dealt with so much in the past, it was hard for me to look at myself positively. I realized that, “hey, I have been talking shit about myself all the time! Stop it!” 

c. One Percent Better. 

This YouTube channel provides animated summaries of books from different genres. Books such as 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Atomic Habits, and the like, will surely captivate your attention because of the graphics and animations shown as the narrator summarizes the book. 

I love watching these animations because some books, especially the hardbound ones, are so intimidating to read! Also, watching these summaries makes me feel like I have read more books than I can imagine in a day!  

d. Coursera courses. 

Coursera is an online course provider that is based in America. It is associated with different universities in offering online courses and certifications on various subjects. 

You can opt to either pay so you will have a certificate after successful completion of the course, or you can avail of their no-certificate courses just to learn something new from the course. So far, I have taken courses on digital marketing, child safety, and communication. Of course, I always take the free courses! I’m just after learning new things, after all. 

Cultivate your passion

Do you have a green thumb? Work on your indoor garden (or the one sitting on your veranda). Do you love singing? Sing your heart out and if you like, sing ala karaoke style on YouTube. Do you have a passion for writing? Go on and pour out your ideas in your notebook. Are you trying to be a master chef? Learn new recipes and try them out in the kitchen!

Personally, whenever I am too lazy to go outside, I belt out my favorite tunes using Sing King! I also write blogs, like the one you are reading right now! 

Watch Netflix

Of course, this list will not be complete without the famous Netflix! Just like what its Chief Communications Officer said years ago, he envisions Netflix to be a brand that people would believe they cannot live without. True enough, Netflix is, I believe, a staple in any digital household. Just be careful not to be addicted to it. It is a strong digital opioid! 

Take a nap

You are alone at home and you have the bed to yourself! Take a nap as a way of rewarding yourself for tasks finished during the day. After all, for a mom like me, I always need to recharge so that I have enough energy to bond with my schoolgirl when she comes home from school. Enjoy the luxury of sleeping for a few minutes. Just don’t forget to set the alarm! 

There you go! So, are you still feeling unenthusiastic about enjoying the outdoors? No worries! With the scorching heat outside (the heat index factor in Cambodia has risen to 41 degrees Celsius!), it might actually be safer to just stay at home. 

Save exploring the outdoors when the weather is finer! For now, read again and you might want to try something from the list! 

#indooractivities #summer activities #stayathome #tedtalks

[suckitsurveys]

survey by supremequeenstyles

Did you get enough rest last night? I never feel like I get enough rest.

What was the last thing that kept you awake? My own brain.

If you have pets, do they sleep in your bedroom at night? There is usually at least one cat in our bedroom at night. Either on the bed, in the cat tree, or in the closet on top of Mark’s set of drawers. Sometimes all three will be in there.

Can you sleep with background noise or does it keep you up? I need white noise.

Do you ever take naps? Do you take long naps or little power naps? Naps usually fuck me up.

What helps when you have trouble sleeping? Playing games on my phone, particularly a coloring app.

Who was the last person to cook you a meal? What did they make? Mark made us tacos last night.

Who was the last person you cooked a meal for? What did you make? I helped make tacos (lol) for Mark’s mom’s birthday a week ago.

Who is your female celeb crush? (If applicable) Aubrey Plaza, Alia Shawkat, Alison Brie, Natasha Lyonne

Who is your male celeb crush? (If applicable) Will Arnett, Pete Davidson, Harry Styles, John Mulaney

Tell me about an interesting article you’ve read recently. I read something about Pete Davidson’s new show Bupkis. It was an interview with Edie Falco, who plays his mom. They talked about the first scene of the show and EEK. I am excited and scared ahhaha.

Do you have a favorite Marvel character? Bro I don’t know the difference between Marvel and DC outside of Batman.

Favorite DC character? Hahah ^. It’s Batman.

Do you read comic books? Sometimes.

Who has been your favorite actor to play Batman? Will Arnett hahahah.

Who has been your favorite live action Joker? Heath Ledger always and forever.

Has a horror film ever actually scared you? Which one(s)? I don’t like jump scares so anything with a jump scare has technically scared me.

What was the last horror movie you saw? It’s not something I seek out but the last one I watched was Bodies Bodies Bodies if you wanna call that horror.

What was the first horror movie you remember seeing? What did you think of it? The Ring, if that counts.

Name a few historical figures you find interesting. Why? That’s not something I really think about.

What is your favorite historical film and why? Meh.

Do you usually enjoy historical films? Not typically.

Name a sequel film (any franchise) you like better than the first film. Why is that? I can’t think of anything. Clerks 2 kind of comes to mind only in that is was more in the realm of “raunchy” mainstream comedies and also had a higher production budge, but the original Clerks is so near and dear to my heart. 

Which do you find most interesting: Greek, Roman, or Norse mythology? Why? Greek.

Which tale from whichever mythology you listed above do you find most interesting? I have to brush up on the stories. I haven’t read any since high school.

Do you collect anything? What was the last item you added to that collection? I collect panda things. The last thing added to that was a gift from my dad, which was one of those cube drawers with a panda face on it.

Do you have any houseplants? Yes, a couple small ones.

How do you like your tea? I prefer an iced matcha but regular green tea is good too.

Who is your favorite Muppet? Fozzie Bear.

What is your favorite type of bird? Cardinals.

Which streaming platform do you use the most, if any? I don’t really feel like there is one I use more than another, honestly. I guess I rotate depending on what I’m watching. Like, right now I’m watching Arrested Development on Netflix, Barry on HBO Max, and SNL on Peacock. Oh, if Spotify counts as a streaming platform, then definitely that since I listen to music on it every day.

What is a skill or useful piece of knowledge you wish you’d learned sooner? How to take care of myself better.

What is your favorite vampire movie? I don’t have one.

Your favorite fictional couple? Angela and Dwight from The Office or April and Andy from Parks and Rec.

Do you have a favorite historical couple? No.

Have you received any good news recently? Uhhhh nothing super huge.

Have you learned anything new recently? Again, nothing super huge or worth noting.

#surveys

[speedytimemachineflower]

october 18th, 2020

You know, life is funny, even at seventeen.

Like I feel like in the past four years of my life so much has happened that I could write forever about it

when I was 14 everything was so simple, everything to me then was about whether the guy in English liked me back, and how I could be prettier, and how to have the most fun, it was before the school was on drugs, before the bitterness of adolescence kicks in and your view of the world is distorted, but also at the same time justified. Back when I had to ask my mom for a ride, and the foundation of my social life was built upon whether my mom was available to drive me.

Im sure I will read this back year after year, as time goes by and giggle at the innocence that is really subjective as you age. However it doesn’t change the fact that I feel any of this.

Maybe I’m writing this as a closure, or a way to organize my thought, or perhaps a letter to my future self reminding me what it was like at this period in my life- I don’t really care, I just wanted to put this on paper, because a part of me breaks at the thought of forgetting it.

“Sweet Jane” by the velvet underground, I saw Miley Cyrus cover it today on youtube, and it reminded me of Tyler and 2018. It made me sad a little bit. There was some sort of aura that year that just felt like things wouldn’t change and that they would last forever, there was this weird certainty about it, I’m not really sure why- maybe thats the innocence of it all. I just remember that song, and it being on the playlist he made me for my birthday that year- I still cannot listen to that song and not get emotional, even two years later. I don’t really know why it makes me so sad, maybe ill find out once I’m done writing this, but it just represents a transition I guess. It represents Tyler and what he means to me in my life. I guess its more about Tyler. The name Tyler will always have this weird connotation for me, it just is so weird. It kinda makes me want to scream thinking about it not going to lie. It makes me more boggled knowing that at one point in my life that energy was worth holding onto. I just feel as if that year and a half, maybe two years 2018/2019 was some sort of time warp, I wasn’t myself then, and I was okay with that. Everything felt off those two years, nothing felt like it was mine, I kept looking outside for myself rather than within. I cannot blame Tyler for me losing my mind, but he still has that connotation. His impact on my life is undeniable, and I forget that more and more, and when I remember that he existed in my life at one point, it blows my mind, and when I realize that he still exists, it blows my mind even more. He just really never felt real, like honestly thats what it is, even when I didn’t like him, something about him seemed like so divine, not fake necessarily but just so like designed.

Its just so sad. I have this bad habit of checking his spotify every few days, I’ve been doing it since freshman year, idk I want to break it, but I also have this morbid curiosity- I guess we all have our vices. Anyways it seems like he’s dating this guy now, and its just funny because I feel like I’m starting a thing with *****- and I hate it- I feel like I’m going to be energetically tied to Tyler forever, i just hate it, I feel like I’m mirroring him all the time somehow, god knows if thats true, but its this complex I have and I hate when little things prove it- basically a Marilyn Monroe complex except with a guy. I wish all the time I could just wake up in a world where he never hurt my feelings as bad as he did- where he wasn’t an asshole, where I didn’t fall in love with him. My ego has never been more sure about something than thinking tyler would be my first boyfriend- I thank god every day for that lesson though- you cannot trust the ego lmao.

Even though all of that shit sucked, I wouldn’t really do anything differently, I’m never going to tell him I loved him, I’m never going to tell him how shitty of a person he is, I’m never going to tell him why I did everything- and I almost did but I’m glad I didn’t. The main lesson was learning about ego and what it is capable of, and honestly, telling him all that shit only satisfies my ego, the only reason I ever wanted to was to get a reaction to “know” that he knows- but he already knows, probably not his ego, but his soul. I know that- I believe I can tell anyone anything through the soul, and I think everyone has the truth deep inside them, but their ego is preventing them from seeing it- like how in summer 2018 I was so sure but it all felt off- I knew, but I didn’t know.

[roylustang]

I’ve been having a lot of psychic moments recently and idk what to think about it. It’s handy but also my mind keeps being read and idk how I feel about that

#like I was having dinner last night and these fucked up bad caterpillars were just falling out of NOWHERE #they usually fall out of trees but we were sitting under an awning #there were 6 of us #and after it happened to a second person #I knew I just KNEW it was gonna happen to me #and like 15 minutes later it did and I was not surprised but I did NOT like it #and then we left so 3/6 got caterpillared #also my mom and spotify always read my mind #I’m gonna start recording stuff bc honestly the uptick is weird #this is dumb but I will compile evidence #maddie’s misadventures

[mercy-burning]

Your Favorite — Part 1

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: When Y/N comes home from college for the summer to meet her mom's new boyfriend, she finds herself in a rather tough spot when she can’t stop thinking about him— And it seems he feels the same... Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Adults w/ age gap, masturbation (female and male), minor exhibitionism kink, oral sex (male receiving), penetrative sex, breeding kink (kinda? i think? 😅) Word Count: 7.3k (do you see now why I had to make it a miniseries? alsdjfdk)

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | MASTERLIST

DISCLAIMER: In this story, Spencer is dating Y/N’s mom while also having a sexual relationship with the reader herself. Because of that, there are obvious undertones of cheating, alongside some perv-y tendencies when it comes to a partner’s daughter. That being said, Spencer and Y/N’s relationship is consensual. However— If any of what I just forewarned is something that you think will make you uncomfortable while reading, please do not read! If there are any more disclaimers you think I may have missed, don’t hesitate to tell me! There is another post I made HERE with some disclaimers as well if you want to know more about what this story will entail.

NOTE: This intro is already too long, so I’ll just get this out of the way: you can find visual nsfw inspirations for this story over at @mercy-midnight, I’m working on a playlist for this story on my Spotify @/mercyburning, and I don’t know when part 2 and 3 will be out, but you can assume they’ll be here within the next few weeks.

———

JUNE 5th

I hate my mom's new boyfriend.

For the past three months she'd been telling me about this new guy who's "The One" as if "The One" hasn't been like four other guys in the past two years.

And as much as I'd love for my mom to find someone to spend the rest of her life with, I don't believe she'd ever find Mr. Perfect at this rate. Unless she spent more than a few months with them at a time before dragging me home from college for a weekend to meet them, I really don't see it happening.

It just sucks. Because every time she does this, every time I return home, I see the glimmering hope in her eyes and the diminishing spark in his, and I know. I know it won't last, and her heart will be utterly broken within the span of a few months.

I always thought maybe she just had terrible taste in men.

But this time around, when I begrudgingly walk through the door of my childhood home for the summer and see my mother clinging to a man who returns that glimmer in her eyes, I know she's picked a good one.

And I hate him.

His name is Spencer Reid, and he's a retired FBI agent who teaches full time at local colleges now.

He greets me with a bona fide, radiant smile, unlike all the others before, and it sets my insides on fire. And when we sit down for dinner, he's polite (but not in a fake way,) and he seems genuinely curious about my studies and my personality and my relationship with my mother. And when dinner is finished he offers to clean up while Mom and I settle in the living room.

I see the way he looks at me as I leave, a gentle, closed-mouth smile and eyes that linger a little too long on my exposed legs before averting, a glint of shame pooling within them, and it only spreads that fire in my belly.

Maybe I'd been imagining the whole thing, because deep down I wanted him to look at me the way he had... But it's hard to tell when my brain is mostly setting off sirens, blaring "THIS IS WRONG! THIS IS WRONG!" on a loop with blinding lights.

And they're even louder when my mom wraps her arm around me and lays her head atop mine. "Well, what do you think? He's great, huh?"

She's so lovesick, it hurts. It hurts even worse knowing that all I can think about is his big hands wrapped around my throat while he fucks me into the squeaky twin-sized mattress in my bedroom upstairs.

But I can't tell her that, obviously.

And so I decidedly hate him. And I have no choice but lie to her face, embracing her joy and hoping that I'll be able to survive this summer.

"Yeah, Mom. He's really great."

JUNE 19th

It's been two weeks and I can barely stand to be in the same house anymore.

I try to keep myself busy by going outside, to the beach or for long walks in the park; but it's too hot for my liking, and our town is so small that unless I want to spend my time in the grocery store or one of the three bars on Main Street...

I'm stuck either outside where it's hot and uncomfortable, or in the house where it's also hot and uncomfortable.

We have air conditioning, of course, but that's not the problem.

It's Spencer.

I thought by now my little crush on him would have gone, but the longer he hangs around the house, the stronger my feelings for him grow. They're not romantic—nor do I think they ever could be given the fact that if anything serious really were to ever happen between us, my mom would disown me for the rest of my life and murder Spencer with her bare hands—but that doesn't make it any easier on me.

Every day he just exists, right in front of me with that tug-able mop of hair, those warm honey eyes, and his hands that never stop moving. I swear, it's like every time he breathes, his hands are breathing too, challenging me to try and stop them.

But I refuse to touch him. Because I know the moment I do, all will be lost. I won't be able to control myself anymore. And if I don't drop to my knees and try sucking his dick at the dinner table, I'm sure I'll blurt out how I can't handle it anymore and that I need him, and either way I'd be royally fucked.

Right now he's in the dining room, teaching my mom how to do a disappearing card trick. She thinks it's utterly charming that he can do it at all, but mostly that he's patient and willing enough to teach her. And normally I'd agree, but I can barely look at them without wanting to waltz over, grab his wrist, and suck his fingers into my mouth.

It's truly pathetic.

So I try to focus on the television just a few feet away. It's one of those rare instances where I wish our house was bigger, because while I don't mind having less wall-space between rooms, I do mind not being able to watch TV without the kitchen table in my periphery at a time like this. And I think about going up to my bedroom instead for a moment, but I'd have to go past the kitchen, and I just know Mom is going to ask if I'd want Spencer to teach me his magic trick.

And I most definitely do not want that.

In another life, maybe, where he isn't a hot professor and rather an average-looking dude who's way too into fantasy football... But not in this lifetime.

So there I sit, concentrating so hard on Family Feud that my face hurts.

When I hear a flutter of cards and joyous giggling from the other room, it's more than my face that hurts.

It's also my chest, churning and tensing at the hands of the green devil.

Fuck!

I barely even know this man... I haven't really talked to him because I'm afraid that if I try to hold a conversation I'll snap. He's literally just some hot older guy who's dating my mom, and still, my whole body twists and aches with envy when they do anything together, and it fucking sucks. Not only because of the jealousy, but it's also the fact that my mom deserves to be happy.

This time it's different. This time, she's really found someone who returns her every loving gaze, who makes her laugh, who's kind and genuine and not a total douche. She's happier than I've seen her in years.

And the one time she finally finds "The One", every waking second of my life is spent longing for him fuck me.

But it's only been two weeks.

And it's also been nearly two years since I got laid, so maybe that's just my issue...

I figure it can't hurt, so in a spur of the moment decision, I turn the TV off and sprint towards the stairs, right past Mom and Spencer before they can ask questions.

———

I hardly even register the dimness of the light inside the house by the time I glide up the steps, fumbling with the key and trying to make my entrance as quiet as possible. Though, because I'm so used to the dark by this point, the light—no matter how dim—nearly blinds me. The door shuts louder than I'd have liked, and I cringe inwardly, pausing as if that will keep anyone from seeing or hearing me. Not like it'll matter, considering Mom and Spencer are the only ones that are staying here and they'd also been the only ones aware of my plans for the evening.

Well, somewhat, anyway. I told them an old friend invited me out and I probably wouldn't be home until late.

Regardless, that instinct of trying not to get caught coming in late at night is stronger than common sense. Throw a little cheap beer and some shots into the mix, and it almost feels like I'm a teenager again.

The only thing different now is that I have a pool of some stranger's cum soaking my underwear and a man in front of me who stands like an angel. An exhausted, almost scruffy-looking angel more like, but my point still stands.

"You're up late," Spencer observes. It's a simple enough statement— not really judge-y, but I can tell that regardless of his knowledge of my coming home late, he seems shocked to see me coming through the front door right now.

And it's hard to look away from him. Just like it has been for the past two weeks. Still, I try, just barely avoiding his eyes as I cross my arms and fight the urge to clench my legs together. "I'm a whore. What's your excuse?"

Maybe not the best thing to say. But like I said, common sense? Gone.

"O—oh... Umm..." Spencer stumbles through his words, obviously stunned by my response, and the look in his eyes kind of makes me want to curl up in a ball and die from embarrassment. Still, I stand my ground and wait for him to continue.

He settles on a short, "I can't sleep," and then there's nothing else.

"Ah," I express. One syllable. I don't draw it out, I don't exaggerate it... This is the first real conversation I've had alone with him, and I've made it extremely awkward, so I sigh and take a few steps forward, trying to walk past him. "Okay. Goodnight."

I only make it a few steps before he stops me, his hand reaching out to tap my shoulder. "Wait—"

The touch makes me jump, and he pulls it away immediately as I turn to face him. My heart is racing at the speed of light, my panties are soaked through, and if I'm not careful that whole 'no common sense' thing is going to bite me so hard in the ass I won't have one left.

"Can I talk to you?" His voice is barely audible, and the gentle rasp it has to it seems to make me even more wet.

I nod, not trusting myself to speak.

"Look, I um... Your mom has been totally transparent with me about her relationships, so I know that she's been through a lot of them in a short amount of time... And I know that must be a little difficult for you. Especially now that I'm here... And you've been... distant. And I know that I don't know you that well, so forgive me if I'm assuming anything, but I just want you to know that I don't have any intention of making things difficult for you and your mother."

Too late, pal, I think bitterly, the gentle authority in his tone setting my insides alight. I'm positive that voice could get me to do so many things...

That's the alcohol and sex talking, Y/N, just shake it and move on...

He starts again, but I cut him off with a short wave of my hand. "Look, I... I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I had a really long night, and I'm exhausted. I just wanna shower and go to bed."

I expect more resistance, but Spencer only nods. I still can't bring myself to look him in the eye, though this time I catch his hands clenching at the bottom hem of his shirt. "I understand. Sleep well."

Without another word I turn on my heel and walk a little faster towards the stairs, and I'm about to take my first step when I realize he's followed me. His voice calls out my name softly from a few feet behind, and it stops me in my tracks regardless of my desire to get out of there as fast as I can. And then I turn around and finally look directly at his face.

Big mistake.

His eyes are on my legs again, trailing slowly upwards until he reaches my face. The light over here is dimmer, barely noticeable at all, though I swear I can see red forming on his cheeks.

"I like your dress," he says softly. It's almost meek, like he'd been afraid to say it but took a chance anyway.

It's such a random, small compliment, but with the alcohol and endorphins flowing through my body after the night I'd just had, it nearly makes me quiver.

It also makes me incredibly stupid.

An amused, almost sensual grin forms on my face as I make eye contact with him, and I feel myself throb at the way I can just barely see his throat move. He looks like a deer in headlights, afraid to make one sudden move.

"Turning to flattery to try and win me over, are we?" I say slowly.

I almost think he'll stumble over his words once more, but again he surprises me with a full answer. It's only three words but it's clear, and his voice is deep, and I want to fucking jump his bones right then and there.

"Is it working?"

This has to be the alcohol making me imagine things... I swear I didn't even drink that much tonight, but it has to be an obvious lapse in judgement. The drinking mixed with the sex mixed with the dirty thoughts I've been having about this man lately have to be what's making this feel real. It's all culminating into this one big fantasy (or delusion, more like), and all I need is to shower and sleep it off.

That has to be it.

So because there's no other reasonable explanation that my brain can conjure up, I take a chance and throw Spencer a wink before turning and sprinting up the stairs.

And it's that same seemingly undeniable reasoning for this illusion that doesn't keep my hands from wandering in the shower. Even though those warning sirens in my brain keep blaring, telling me that the common sense is still there for me to utilize, they're drowned out by my thrumming heartbeat and the repetition of Spencer's soothing, authoritative voice, guiding my movements.

Keep rubbing your clit for me, baby... Just like that, nice and slow...

Warm water cascades down the front of my body as I lean back into the wall of the shower, but that's not why I'm so warm. This heat radiates through my insides, spreading like wildfire and bringing out small whimpers and mewls that I know I'll have to contain in fear of waking my mom from her bedroom right next door.

But then the thought of her hearing me next door as I cry out her boyfriend's name only excites me more. I keep it quiet still, but just knowing that someone else is in the house while I'm having these thoughts right now (one of them being the object of said thoughts) is what finally brings me over the edge.

I finish my shower on weak legs, definitely overstimulated now, but also feeling even more tired. I know that the moment I lay down on my bed, I'll be pulled into the sweet, soft surrender of a deep sleep.

Nothing else has ever sounded so pleasant.

———

When I woke up that morning after, I was feeling surprisingly calm. Realistically I knew that my whole 'this has to be an illusion' montage had been less truth and more inebriated babble, and the longer I sat on it the more I thought it'd all turned out for the better.

Turns out, tipsily masturbating in the shower to thoughts of your mom's hot new boyfriend was a surefire way to get it out of your system, right?

Wrong.

It really had been okay at first. I thought about Spencer almost immediately, and yeah, he was still hot as fuck—But there wasn't this overwhelming desire within me to jump his bones when I saw him that morning, his hair messy and his hands clutching a cup of coffee while Mom made breakfast behind him.

But that good feeling I had about all of this? It lasts only about a split second.

Because the moment he looks up and sees me, the mug falls out of his hand and shatters to pieces. His eyes stay glued to me, even as my mother darts over to pick up the pieces of the ceramic that are scattered about the table and the floor. And when she turns back to grab a paper towel, he still stares at me, once again at my legs.

It takes me all of four seconds afterwards to remember that not only did I talk to him briefly last night, but I also flirted with him after he complimented me.

That whole part seemed to have slipped my mind when waking up, and now that his gaze is bringing me back to that moment, that 'this has to be an illusion' montage is starting to become larger than I'd remembered.

It isn't until he finally snaps out of it and starts to help my mom clean up the mess that I snap out of it, too, going back upstairs to clear my head and cool the heat radiating over my skin.

———

There's a knock at my bedroom door about an hour later, and it sounds different than my mom's usually quick two-knock succession. That means it's someone else, and unsurprisingly, my stomach tightens at the thought of seeing him again.

"Yeah?" I call out, turning in my desk chair and meeting Spencer's figure in the doorway. He's changed, a rather nice pair of slacks and a white button-up shirt clinging to his limbs.

"Can I come in?"

"Mhm," I say. I still don't know if I entirely trust myself to say anything more than a few words to him, and as he enters the room and sits on the foot of my bed, I wonder if he can tell.

He tries, really tries, to look me in the eye, but I know that it's hard. I've been in the same spot. And then he takes a deep breath before folding his hands in his lap.

"Y/N, I want to apologize... When we... talked last night... It was kind of weird, and then this morning wasn't really any better..." He can barely get out the words 'talk' and 'last night'... And then he avoids my gaze altogether, staring at the floor and trailing off, trying to put his thoughts together it seems.

And that's when it starts to click into place.

There's one thing that both last night and this morning have in common, and I've noticed it almost every time I've caught him staring at me. At my legs. It's happened almost daily since I've met him. And then, the night I come home clearly having just been fucked, waltzing past him, entertaining his fascination with my legs and then masturbating to thoughts of him in the shower, he finally starts dropping mugs.

He must also really feel something here. Something similar to my own feelings. And really, that should be a red flag, because he's my mom's boyfriend, and it's a goddamned fucking mess...

But fuck, it excites me.

I'm still wearing my pajama shorts, silky and lavender in color, and I use them to my advantage, slowly crossing one leg over the other and just barely gaining Spencer's attention back.

"Yeah, what was that, anyway?" I ask him, amusement dripping off my tongue.

I can tell from his reaction that he wasn't expecting me to ask. A few times he opens his mouth to speak and then closes it , stumbling before panicking. He's been pretty good so far at coming up with answers and explanations, so the fact that this time I finally seemed to have broken him down makes it all the more clear.

He must have heard me in the shower.

Right?

I'm almost completely positive that's what this is about. And there's one way for me to get the confirmation I'm looking for.

"So you heard me, huh?"

I try to keep my voice as plain as I can as not to give away my motives, and with my luck Spencer is so flustered that he probably wouldn't have even noticed it at all. He looks up at me, his eyes desperately trying to find something he can use to make up a lie, but in the end there's no use.

I've caught him. And he knows it.

"Yes," he whispers. He looks exhausted, guilty, and also a little like he wants to cross the barrier and kiss me.

Okay, maybe that part's just in my head. I really can't tell. But I do know that hearing me call his name out in the shower last night is what brought him to this point of severe distress. As much as that excites me, though, it also embarrasses me a little. Maybe if it hadn't happened we could have avoided further destruction.

It must read on my face, because Spencer perks a little. "Oh! Y/N, I'm not... I'm not mad or anything. I really didn't mean to overhear and invade your privacy... Really, I-I'm sorry."

The fact that he's apologizing to me right now, rather than acting all grossed out that I even did it in the first place, tells me he either feels guilty for not being able to help himself from hearing me, or he's just a good guy who loves my mom and doesn't want to ruin it because of a little mishap.

Either way, it's frustrating, because I don't know what to do.

Well, I know what I want to do, but I don't know if I should hint at it.

But then he does something. It's small, and no one would have noticed, but I've been fascinated with his hands since the moment I met him, so my eyes are instantly drawn there.

They're clenched so hard, his knuckles are nearly white.

He's nervous.

To ease his mind a bit, I hold off on poking the bear harder (though it's really tempting to see what will happen if I don't) and nod, trying to make myself look as apologetic and small as possible.

"It's okay... I... I won't make it awkward if you won't?"

His shoulders slump, and his body seems to relax. "Y–yeah. Yeah, deal."

He gets up off the bed and blurts one final apology before heading for the door, but that part of me that wants to poke the bear further makes me stand up and follow him.

"Spencer?" I call out.

He freezes and turns to face me, and I don't think he quite expected me to be as close as I am. I have to tilt my head up to look at him, and the angle gives me an added layer of this innocence I'm trying to achieve.

"I'm sorry, too..."

No the fuck I'm not.

Whether he can sense my lie or not, he doesn't show it. But I think he at least knows that I'm pitching my voice a little higher on purpose, and if that doesn't give it away, the way I'm staring at him sure should.

Still, he only nods and retreats.

All there's left to do is see what happens.

JUNE 25th

For someone who agreed not to make things awkward, Spencer sure can't keep his eyes off of me.

To be fair, I have tried to keep things fairly normal. I only really interacted with him if I had to, I kept my distance, and I saved my skimpier clothing for the strangers I was regularly going out to see almost every weekend.

My lustful feelings for him aren't as strong now that I've been getting some on a semi-regular basis and keeping myself occupied. I've been doing my part.

But I still can't shake him entirely.

Whenever he spends the night (which is surprisingly most nights), the occasional wet dream about him gets me frustrated when I know he's just down the hall and sleeping soundly next to my mom. On those days I try to cut as much interaction with him as I can, though it doesn't keep me from seeing the occasional stare he throws my way.

I wish I could say that I hate it.

But I don't, and it increasingly gets worse. It's only been a week, so there's still time, but honestly, I don't think there's any shaking him.

Today especially is one of those days where it's hard not to give into the incessant need to tease him and coax some stronger reaction out of him.

I talked to Mom earlier this morning about getting some new clothes, and she had this brilliant idea to have Spencer take me. "It would be a good chance for you two to bond a little, don't you think?" she insisted, nudging him in the side and silently pleading with her eyes for him to agree.

I could tell from the look on his face that he really wasn't ready to be alone with me again, but that only excited me.

"Yeah, I think that's a great idea," I piped up, positively beaming.

Mom was so excited for us to 'bond' and also that I was gladly inclined to go through with it that Spencer couldn't have said no to her even if he wanted to.

And I was pretty sure he didn't want to.

Yet here we are, sitting in the car, the air conditioning so strong it's blowing some of my hair into my eyes. I think it had been his way of punishing me for choosing today to wear a short skirt, something I usually refrain from nowadays unless I'm going out, and it makes me smile. I can't help it.

I also can't help the way my fingers play with my skirt, dying to tease him some more. I just want to see, to know for sure that I'm driving him mad.

"No offence, but you seem weird today... Is there something wrong?" I ask him, lifting my skirt just a smidge. The air from the car blows the fabric in waves.

"You're acting this way on purpose."

Well, I hadn't been expecting that answer... All this time he'd hardly been confrontative, and now he's full-on calling me out. It's plain to see that he's finally snapped, and I would have felt sorry about it if I didn't find it extremely sexy.

"What do you mean?"

"Y/N..."

My name on his lips is a warning. He's clearly annoyed, exasperated, and I'm loving every second. "Don't act oblivious. I'm not stupid, and neither are you. I don't want to make you hate me or anything, but you have to know where I'm coming from. I was willing to let the shower thing slide... And you said you were too, for that matter, so I don't know what's changed, but it has to stop now. Understood?"

Oh, all I want is to argue with him. I want to point out that none of this is really my fault because he's the one who hasn't been able to stop staring at me all summer so far. I want to tell him that if he wants this to stop he has to make it stop.

But that isn't going to give me any of the answers I'm looking for or further proof of my theory that he wants me just as badly as I want him. And I am not going to fuck this whole situation up by making a poorly-timed move on him.

I have to know for sure.

So, I fold my hands neatly in my lap, sigh, and look dead ahead. "Right... We said no awkwardness. I'm sorry."

Spencer seems to accept my apology and continues down the road.

When we make it to the mall I think he's calmed down. At least, he seems a little more comfortable around me, and honestly I'm okay with it. As much as his spiel in the car turned me on, it also exhausted me to the point of silence.

Even as we walk around each store in the mall, I just lead and he follows, not saying a word when I pick out a top or a pair of pants or whatever else I need. And when it comes time to pay, he takes the basket from me and pays for it with no question.

Near five bags of clothes later, I figure I could get used to this new dynamic.

But then we pass a lingerie store, and I remember that the main thing I'd needed was new underwear. I start to turn into the store, but stop suddenly, pausing awkwardly and deciding to go straight ahead instead.

"You don't want to go in?" Spencer asks.

I shake my head. "No, it's fine. I can just pick some up later, it's not a big deal."

He sighs then, nodding his head towards the sign. "If you need to go in, you can... I'll just wait out here if you're uncomfortable."

I really want to call him out, ask him if he's the one who should be worried about being uncomfortable. But so far this afternoon has been pretty decent, and I really don't want to make things any weirder than they have to be.

Besides... If my theory is right...

"Sure. Thanks. Uh, how am I gonna pay, though?"

"O—Oh... I'll uh... I'll just watch the counter and come in when you need me."

"Orrrr, you could just give it to me?"

This time I get a laugh out of him. "Not a chance. Go in, I'll wait."

I smile at him and hand him the bags to hold onto while I leave, and it fills me with absolute amusement that he'd just given me one more ounce of proof that I'm right.

He's gonna have to come inside and pay for what I bought. He could have just given me the card, and maybe he truly doesn't trust me with it (which I don't know why he wouldn't honestly), but he chose to come inside all the same.

I browse happily then, going through the displays and picking out things I need, but also things I know Spencer will like.

Specifically, I stumble on a pair of lavender panties, embroidered with flowery trim up top. The pattern from the outside is lace, but there's a thin layer of cotton underneath designed to be more comfortable to wear.

I've noticed that he can never seem to look away when I'm wearing anything, really, but it's more intense when I wear one of two things. Florals, and any type of purple. And these fit both of those bills perfectly.

Now there's just one more bill to take care of.

I stride over to the counter and turn around, finding that Spencer's caught my eye immediately. Either he truly had been paying attention to the counter the whole time, or he'd been watching through the glass, following me with his gaze to the best of his abilities. Either way, he blinks a few times and looks like he's gathering the courage to go in before actually taking any steps.

I laugh to myself, eager to gauge his reaction to this next step.

Surprisingly, he holds up well. The air between me, him, and the cashier is obviously awkward, but he doesn't say anything and barely looks at what she rings up. (I say barely because he tries extremely hard not to look at the purple pair I picked out, inadvertently adding another checkmark to my list of proof.) She tells him the total, he hands her the card, and within a minute, everything is in our possession and we're leaving the mall entirely.

I don't think there are any more steps to my plan today once we get in the car and I tell him thank you. (To which he responds a short and simple, Sure thing, and turns the radio on.)

But then there's a note taped to the front door, and it instantly gives me another one.

My Sweethearts,

I got called in on a work emergency and won't be back until 7. I would have called but I figured you were having a nice time and didn't want to interrupt! I'll bring home dinner, and then maybe you can tell me about how your day went. Can't wait to hear it!

XOXO,

Eve/Mom

I check my phone, seeing that it's almost 3.

Perfect.

But I don't want to give myself away too quickly, so I thank Spencer again for taking me out and tell him that I'm going upstairs to make sure everything fits right. He nods and lets me go, though not without lingering eyes. I can feel it.

The smile never leaves my face as I try all my clothes on. Once each article has been fitted, I throw it in a laundry basket and move to the next, until I get to the last piece.

The lavender panties.

As expected, they fit perfectly, and as I look at myself in the mirror I picture what Spencer would look like when he sees me wearing them.

That's right. When.

I throw back on my earlier outfit and grab the basket, acting as bored and normal as possible to find him sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book.

"Hey," I greet him, setting the basket in front of me once I reach the bottom of the stairs. "Everything fits good, I just need them washed now. Could you run these down to the laundry room for me? I think I'm gonna make something to snack on before Mom brings dinner."

It doesn't surprise me to see him look at my legs before my face, even if it is brief. I want to smile, but I hold back, watching him nod with a tight smile of his own.

"Sure."

He disappears and then I wait.

One...

Two...

Three.

I sneak as quietly as I can to the laundry room once I hear the washer door open. I hadn't specifically asked him to put them in the washer for me on purpose, and it looks like now he's doing exactly what I thought he might.

My head peeks around the corner, barely in his range of sight as I watch him empty the basket. He takes one item of clothing at a time and throws it in the washer, and halfway through the basket he stops, just to place a pair of my new underwear on the dryer beside him.

My heart races faster the more I wait for him to get to the end of the basket. Once he does, he pauses again, and I think I know exactly what he's looking for.

Still, he sets the basket aside and picks up the stray pair of underwear, a simple black cotton pair that I'd been getting for years, and drapes it over his hands. My thighs instantly clench, and I try so hard to remain where I am so I can see where he takes this.

He takes it straight to hell, apparently, tentatively pulling his dick out of his pants and gripping it firmly. I can barely see since his back is partially turned, but I see enough, and god he's so fucking pretty. My underwear dangle from his left hand while the other works slowly over his erection, a soft sigh falling from his lips.

I fight to let one of my own slip as my hand sinks down the front of my body, past the lavender cotton and lace that I know he just wishes he had right now.

And then, a few seconds later he's already coming, using my brand new underwear to catch each rope of it, and the sight nearly has me on my knees.

And because I want to catch him in the act, I quickly draw my hand away from myself and step into the room, barely giving him time to recover.

"You come fast."

Spencer looks utterly devastated when he turns to see me standing in the entryway to the laundry room, arms crossed and an amused smirk adorning my face.

"Y/N... I—I... I'm so sorry, I didn't... I..."

"Don't worry about it," I say, taking a step towards him and shrugging. "You heard me, and now I heard you... We're even. Besides, I... figured you might be looking for these."

He's still stunned, but he looks down all the same, watching my hands slip under my skirt and glide the lavender panties down my legs. I step out of them and hold the garment up on one finger, a soft smile still on my face.

"I picked 'em out just for you, you know," I tell him, tossing them past his face and into the washer. "I've noticed that you like purple."

This time he's quick to respond. "Y/N, we... We can't... This isn't right."

"Says the man holding my underwear soaked in his cum..."

He looks panicked again, extremely guilty, but if this isn't going to end in a total disaster, then I have to reassure him that I'm okay.

"Spencer, I'm not mad..." I take another step forward, and it feels much like trying to approach a wounded animal. I can see in his eyes and in his posture that this conflict is killing him, so I decide to show some rapport. "And I know... I know this is messy... I love my mom... And I'm sure you care about her a lot... But are we really going to ignore this? We tried that, remember? And now look where we are."

"I..." He swallows, shaking his head and trying to avoid my eyes. "I can't stop thinking about you... I can't..."

My hand finds his arm, and the light touch has him sighing out, an incredulous, breathy laugh escaping him. "Y/N, please... Don't."

"Don't what?" I ask softly, praying he won't turn me away. If he does, we're just back to square one, only the square is jagged, sharper than ever before, and in serious danger of injuring someone.

When he meets my eyes, I see nothing but a desire for something he knows he can't have. "Don't want me."

Now it's my turn to laugh. My knees start to wobble as I go down, keeping my eyes locked onto his, and I swear I see them dilate fully. I scoot in closer, sliding my hand up his leg and finding the words in my heart to finally say out loud.

"It's too late for that..."

My face moves closer, and the hand of his that doesn't currently hold my underwear flies down to gently tug at my hair, keeping me in place.

"If you do this... God, Y/N, I won't be able to stop myself..."

A smirk dances over my lips as I lean in, breath fanning gently over his exposed skin. "Don't."

He swallows. "Don't what?"

"Don't stop yourself."

I barely get the words out before his hand is completely pulling me towards him, and the second my lips press against the silky skin of his hard cock, he loses it completely.

His fingers thread through my hair as I kiss and lick my way softly up to the tip. Once I'm there, I swirl my tongue out and taste the small beads of cum that had remained after he came, a low, satiated hum radiating through my body and making him shiver under my touch.

And then I wrap my lips fully around the head of his dick, and there's no stopping the most beautiful sound I've ever heard come out of his mouth. It's a broken, desperate whisper of my name. The crack in his voice when he says it spurs me forward, and I take him deeper into my mouth until he hits the back of my throat.

That's when he tosses my underwear in the washer and uses both of his hands to grab my head, roughly guiding me along his cock and fully taking control of my actions.

The fire in my belly doesn't ease up, not even once he's decided that he can't take it anymore and pulls me off of him harshly.

And that's only because now he's fully turned over, finally given into these desires that have been plaguing him presumably from the moment we met.

"I want you stripped and in your bed, on your hands and knees within the next five minutes."

I get up off the floor and walk up to him until our bodies are flush, my arms reaching up to wrap around his neck.

"What are you gonna do to me, Spencer?"

He searches my eyes, and his own grow dark with the purest form of sin I'd ever seen. And when his hands come up over the back of my legs, and under my skirt to grab my ass and pull me even closer to him, I can't help the little mewl that slips past my lips.

He smiles, and if it hadn't been for the grip he held on me, I would have fallen to my knees. "Little girl, when I'm through with you, you'll have to come up with some excuse to your mom about why you can't walk straight... Is that what you want?"

The mention of my mom should send me running in the opposite direction, but his threat only prolongs that fire in my veins and makes me want him even more.

I tilt my head up and press a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Do your worst..."

———

Turns out he was very true to his word.

Sitting at the kitchen table is somewhat of a relief, but I try not to walk around as much when Mom gets home. She'd asked me almost immediately if I was okay, and I told her I was just hungry and needed to eat something.

She seemed to have bought it, rushing to the kitchen to unpack the fast food she'd ordered for us. Over her shoulder, Spencer gave me a sly smile, and it took everything I had within myself not to crumble.

Through bites of food, I only half-listen to Mom telling us about the stuff she had to do at work because most of the words I'm hearing are in my head— A loop of endless dirty talk that plants deep into the soil of my stomach and spreads out through my whole body. It infects me, like the most beautiful poison, and I never want it to stop.

"Tell me, sweetheart, you ever let a man come inside you before?"

His weight on top of me coupled together with the heft of his voice has me whining out in pleasure, each snap forward of his hips over my ass as he pounds into me from behind the most delectable burn I've ever felt.

"Uh huh," I answer happily, twisting my head to feel his cheek against my own. "That night you heard me in the shower... I walked through the door with a stranger's cum soaking my panties... And you know what?"

He grumbles, his hips hitting into me harder as he waits for me to continue.

"I wished it was yours..."

My legs clench together under the table and I take a large gulp of water.

I feel something graze over my bare shin, and I already know it's Spencer's foot, a silent reassurance of his presence and that no matter what, he'll always be here.

"Here's what's going to happen..."

He has me on my back now, my legs hoisted over his shoulders and bent back so I'm nearly folded in half. His hips are flush against mine and I can feel his cock throbbing as he comes into the condom.

"You're gonna make an appointment to make sure you're clean... You're gonna make sure you're on good birth control... And then the next time I fuck this pretty little pussy, you're gonna really know what it feels like to have a man come inside you."

Right... Like I really need a reminder of his presence.

I can practically feel it still inside me, taking up every inch of space my body could provide. And no matter how long I go without seeing him, I have no doubt that it'll always remain.

"But that's enough about me, I'm sorry." Mom's voice shifts and breaks me out of my fantasy. "So, how did your day of bonding go? You have fun?"

Spencer and I share a look, a smile spreading over his lips that makes me smile in turn.

"Yeah, Mom," I say. "It was great."

He nods in kind. "Yeah... We'll definitely have to do it again."

His foot grazing over my leg under the table cements the unwavering smile on my face, as does the way my whole body burns at the memory of him fucking me upstairs only hours before.

I don't even flinch or get sick to my stomach when Mom reaches over and gives Spencer a kiss.

———

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