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#also my laptop is too noisy and obvious to use
decimateddreams · 3 years
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okay what are things you can do at like. 1-2am in your room without a phone, and without making noticeable noise
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katyasrussianaccent · 3 years
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you’re so golden (corpse x reader)
Summary: You’re a faceless youtuber that sings cover songs. What happens when a certain faceless streamer slides into your DMs after you cover one of his songs?
Authors note: Part 3 whoop! I havent written fic in 3 years so Im hoping this is okay. Its about 4000 words, super long, sorry. I also dont play Among Us, but hopefully its not too obvious. Lemme know what you think!
You're nervous, though you aren’t quite sure why. The kind of nervousness that spreads to your feet, causing you to tap your toes against the side of your sofa.
Call you in 15. 
You look at the message again, staring at it till the screen goes blurry. Rubbing your eyes you exhale into the emptiness of your apartment; a feeble attempt at calming yourself down.
Logically it’s stupid to be nervous over a phone call. Logically you know that in the grand scheme of the universe, there are bigger things at hand. But you’re not a logical person, never have been. You’re all heart and emotion, both a blessing and a curse. There’s something intimate about a phone call, to have nothing but someone’s voice on the other end of the phone, talking to you and only you. It was a little scary; to think your purely online friendship with Corpse was going to be taken to a different level. You’re excited to think what that could mean.
“Fucking get it together,” you mutter to no-one as you exhale again, because there’s nothing else to do other than to wait and try to breath. There’s this frantic energy about you; like when you eat fizzy sweets, the flavour buzzing on your tongue. Your ancestors used to hunt wolves and here you were nervous over a single phone call.
The silence in your apartment’s too much now; too noisy. You grab your TV remote, clicking onto Spotify to find something. You’re scrolling so much, none of the artists feeling quite right for the moment before settling on Sufjan Stevens.
The dulcet tones fill the space, and for a brief second, you feel fine. You’re feeling relaxed and then your phone lights up.
Incoming Facetime Audio
“Fuckfuckfuckfuck” you say. Your face feels warm, your heart quickens in your chest. You could just ignore it, say you’re not feeling too good and that would be that, you wouldn’t have to do this. But it’s Corpse, you like Corpse and you’re kind of friends.
You swipe to accept the call, and press the button for speaker. 
“Hey,” you say, cringing at the meek tone your voice has taken on.
“Hey,” Corpse’s deep voice rumbles through your tiny speaker, distorting slightly and you press the volume button to turn it down a little.
There’s a beat of silence, a beat too long, and you already hate how awkward this is. You’re not great at social stuff, the concept of being a social butterfly is almost foreign to you. And it’s not because you dislike people, it’s just you hate this; the small talk, the awkwardness before you get comfortable and can hold an actual conversation.
You suddenly remember a tip from your customer service days. “How are you?” you ask, plastering on a grin so wide that it must look borderline demented. Thank god you’re single. 
“I’m okay thanks, how are you?” he asks.
You lounge back against the soft cushions of the sofa, lifting the phone up to your mouth as you do so. “I’m good, excited to be taught by the Among Us master.”
He snorts in disdain. “Hardly a master.” 
You chew your lip before you speak again, “I dunno, people on the internet think you’re pretty good.”
He snorts again, and you smile at the sound. It’s not something you’ve heard from him before, through your hours of watching his streams, you’ve become accustomed to his voice and the noises he makes. But this one seems to be new. And maybe it’s the weird, selfish part of you that likes to think he’s only ever made that sound for you. You shake the thought out of your head, because really? Getting happy over a snort is really such a ridiculous thing to do. 
“People on the internet say a lot of things.”
“True, but sometimes they speak the truth,” you reply, moving to get more comfortable; tucking your feet under your thighs. You wonder what he’s doing right now as he talks to you, is he sitting down? Or is he lying on his bed; his head propped up with pillows? There’s a brief flash of yearning, of wanting to be there in the same room as him, but it disappears as quickly as it appeared so you ignore it.
“Hm. We’ll agree to disagree.”
“Okay, you’re the boss Mr Husband.”
He chuckles softly, and again, you smile. You can feel yourself getting annoyed with yourself; you’re acting like a child with a crush; smiling at the phone. All you needed now was a notebook that had Mrs YN Husband written all over it.
“You know if you keep calling me that, we’re gonna have to get married,” he says, his voice a little lower than it was before. You blink and cock your head to the side, looking at an imaginary camera like you’re in The Office. Did you say that out loud? Is he...flirting with you? Sure, you’re flirty over Twitter, but it’s Twitter, Twitter isn’t real. There’s a fluttery feeling in your stomach at the mere prospect that he might actually be flirting with you.
“I’d be the best wife you could ever get,” you shoot back. There’s a brief second of silence before he answers, and you can hear shuffling on the other end. You want to ask what he’s doing, but you know it would break the conversation, and you’re curious to see where this goes.
“Oh really? And why’s that?” he asks, and you can picture the smirk in his voice. You have no idea what he looks like, no real care about it either, but you bet he’s got a beautiful smile. You bite your tongue before it tells him this, for once your brain actually works and stops you from making a fool out of yourself. It’s incredibly strange, how quickly he puts you at ease without a try, he’s just so naturally comforting. He’s not this flashy persona, he’s just a guy who likes to play video games and happens to be kinda good at them. And also has a voice that is literally like chocolate. Not just chocolate; dark chocolate. If dark chocolate could talk, it would sound like Corpse.
“Cos your girl can cook,” you say proudly, puffing out your chest a little. And that’s not a lie, you can cook. Okay, you’re not a Michelin starred chef, but you feel quite confident in the fact that Gordon Ramsey could eat your food, and probably (hopefully) wouldn’t scream that it was “fucking raw”. 
“And what would you cook for me?” he asks. 
You hum in thought for a second. “You’ll have to marry me first to find that out.”
He laughs, a proper laugh that settles in your stomach, spreading warmth through your chest. “I’ll think about it. I can hear music, what are you listening to?”
You straighten up a little, the question catching you off guard. You bite the inside of your cheek as you look at the song that’s playing. It’s not his type of music, you’re almost positive about that. You almost don’t want to tell him out of embarrassment. You’re not sure why you feel embarrassed; you know Corpse isn’t an asshole, he wouldn’t make fun of you. But music is so personal to you, so personal, it’s like baring a piece of your soul; which sounds so fucking cliche, but it’s true.
“Uhhh...It’s called Make out in My Car by Sufjan Stevens,” you reply.
He hums in affirmation. “It sounds nice; from what I can hear.”
“I can turn it up?” you ask, leaning forward to grab the remote off the coffee table.
“You could always sing some for me,” he offers. 
You laugh a little, scrunching up your nose. “And why would I do that?”
“I thought you wanted to get married. You have to woo me,” he replies.
“Woo you?” you ask, your tone incredulous. This isn’t how you pictured the conversation going.
“Yeah. Woo me, yn.” he says, dragging out the “o” causing you to laugh again.
You sigh dramatically. “I haven’t warmed up or anything, it’s gonna sound so bad” you warn as you put the song to the beginning.
“I’m sure you sound great. Go ahead, woo me.” 
You shake your head as you softly sing. “I'm not trying to go to bed with you, I just wanna make out in my car. And though I'm dying to fall in love with you, I just wanna make out in my car”. You stop and you’re suddenly very aware that you have essentially just serenaded him. Good going, brain.
It’s silent for a beat too long, and the smile that graced your lips starts to fade as the embarrassment starts to set in. 
“Well now we definitely have to get married,” he affirms. And there’s that fluttery feeling again.
You swallow, moving the conversation swiftly onto Among Us. You grab your laptop that was next to you, humming in acknowledgement as he walks you through downloading it. 
“So there’s a few of us joining us tonight, it should be really fun.”
“Oh. It’s not just us two?” you ask. You focus on the download, watching the number increase. You’re nervous at the prospect of playing with other people, strangers, for the first time. 
“No, it’s a 4 player minimum. We’re going to stream as well.”
“Corpse…” you start. You begin to pick at the skin around your nails, a habit you do whenever you get really anxious. This was meant to just be a cute moment where you learnt how to play a game, not a big event where people would be actually watching you, judging your every move.
“We’re going to do a few games off stream with you, you don’t need to be there for the stream after if you don’t want to,” he interrupts. 
“Okay,” you trail off, your teeth biting down on your bottom lip. You feel a little better, but not by much. You didn’t know who the other people were, what if they hated you? You ask this out loud.
“I’ll be there. You know Rae and Sykkuno. Felix, Sean and Toast will be there but they’re super nice, I promise.” His voice is sincere, and it soothes you. You don’t know him, not really know him, but you trust Corpse. You know he has his own struggles, and you believe his promise; he wouldn’t screw you over or put you in a situation you were uncomfortable with.
The rest of the call is him taking you through how to play and how to set up something called Proximity Chat so everyone can talk to each other in the game. He says it’s easier once you actually play, and it doesn’t sound particularly hard quite honestly, you just hope you don’t get imposter on the first try because you’re not the greatest liar. 
The game screen pops up, and you type in the code that Corpse gives you. You say goodbye to Corpse, who tells you to text him if you need any help. You drop into the game lobby, and you look at the little astronaut. There’s no time to dwell as a cacophony of voices hits you.
“YN!” Rae screeches and you chuckle at her enthusiasm. You’ve known Rae for a few years now, you met at college and had become fast friends. Though you had many different interests - gaming for one, you considered her your best friend. Rae was the type of friend where you didn’t need to talk every single day, you could message her a week later and it would be like no time had passed at all. And you loved that, sometimes you just didn’t want to talk to anyone. Sometimes your mood wasn’t the best, and you needed a little time to recharge. And she understood that, something that you were eternally grateful for. 
“Raebies!” you screech back, using your “pet” name for her.
“I’ve been trying to get you to play forever. But Mr Smooth Operator over there slides into your DMs and suddenly you’re a gamer now?”
“It sounds so sordid when you say it like that,” you reply.
“Hi yn! Glad to see you playing with us,” Sykkuno says. You greet him and the others, making sure to say hi to everyone in the game. You didn’t want to start off by being accidentally rude. You listen as everyone talks amongst each other, and you talk when spoken to, but you aren’t interjecting. It wasn’t anything against the other players, it was just a little overwhelming, and you were figuring out what everyone was like.
“Hello,” Corpse’s voice interrupts your train of thought and you greet him along with everyone else. 
“Aw, I wanted purple,” you say, frowning at Corpse’s name above the astronaut.
“We can switch,” he replies.
“No it’s o -” you start to speak before you realise he’s already switched to white. “Thank you, you didn’t have to.” You smile as you switch to purple, and you decide to add a flower for a little pizzazz.
“It’s your first game, I’ll kill you if I get imposter so it’ll even out,” he jokes and everyone laughs. The countdown begins and you puff your cheeks out, exhaling as it gets to 1. You’re nervous again, a seemingly common theme of the night. Your shoulders relax as the word CREWMATE flashes across the screen.
You watch as everyone but Corpse disperses from the cafeteria with haste, and you look at the keyboard to press the buttons to move.
“You ever see an old person text? That’s how I’m picturing you right now,” Corpse says as you walk together to Weapons.
“Shut up Sonny,” you reply in your best old woman voice, getting a laugh. You open up the task, shooting the Asteroids with ease. “Yay, I completed a task!”
“Good job,” Corpse replies, and you beam at the praise. You move down to o2, doing your task while Corpse does his.
“Wait, you could be imposter right? How would I know?” you ask as you walk together to Navigation.
“You wouldn’t, you just have to trust me,” he says, his voice full of charm.
You scowl. “Well that just makes me not want to trust you.” 
Before he replies, there’s a blaring alarm. DEAD BODY REPORTED. You blink at the suddenness; you were really enjoying the relaxing pace of the game. You look at the screen;  Felix has been killed.
“Who found the body?” Corpse asks.
“I did,” Rae answers. “I was in admin, and was going to lower engine and it was there in storage.”
“If you were in admin, why didn’t you go up through Cafeteria?” Toast asks.
“Because it’s quicker to go through storage,” Rae replies. They argue between themselves, and you listen intently and silently. It’s a lot of information, you can’t tell whose lying, but you guess that’s what makes a good player.
“Where were you yn?” Sean quizzes, and it takes you a second to realise you’re being spoken to.
“Oh. I was in um o2?”
“You don’t sound too sure there, pretty sus,” he says. Your face heats up a little, you’re not the imposter, but it feels like you are.
“She was in o2 and then we went to Navigation,” Corpse answers, and you breathe out as he takes on the interrogation.
“Oh you were together?” Rae asks, and you know that tone she’s got. It’s the tone that says she’ll be messaging you right away.
“Well yeah, it’s her first game, I’m not gonna leave her alone,” he says and you smile at that. 
“Yeah we’ve been together the whole time,” you add and it’s left at that. No-one votes anyone out, since no-ones really too suspicious. You carry on the game, and you find yourself really enjoying it, though the questioning part is kind of stressful. You can see why Corpse likes it so much, it’s really fun. You’re in electrical, humming as you do your task when Rae comes next to you. 
“Hey,” you greet her.
“I’m sorry, nothing personal,” she replies. Before you have a chance to say a word, she kills you and you look on in shock as your ghost floats above your body.  You listen into the meeting as Rae continues to lie and plead her case. She’s good, but Corpse knows better.
“Wait, you said you found her in electrical and you were where?” 
“I was in Upper Engine, and then I went to electrical to do my task,” Rae answers, her voice even and calm.
“I was in Lower Engine, and I didn’t see you,” Corpse says, and you grin at the fact Rae’s been found out. That’s what she gets for killing you.
“You were doing your task, I passed right by you,” Rae starts. She pleads her case, but it’s too late and she’s voted out.
“That was so much fun!” you declare. “I can see why you guys play it all the time.”
“Yes! We have converted another!” Felix shouts in victory.
“And all it took was Corpse,” Rae mutters sarcastically.
“Don’t get bitter Rachel, just get better,” you reply, causing the group to laugh.
You get the hang of it after a few games, and find yourself agreeing to stay while the others stream, though you decide against it yourself. You’ve only streamed once by yourself, and it was a very casual affair and you don’t want to feel too much pressure while you enjoy yourself. You know that Corpse gets nervous when he streams and he’s been doing it for so much longer, so you can only imagine how nervous you would be.
You tap your fingernails against the keyboard as the lobby counts down, any previous nerves have been replaced with excitement. 
IMPOSTER flashes across. You’re the only one, your astronaut looks lonely on the screen by itself, and the red letters almost taunt you. 
“Shit,” you mutter as your brain goes into overdrive. What was it Corpse had said before? Not to be too obvious. You don’t kill immediately, instead going at your previous pace to not look too suspicious. You were still fairly new to the game, and you were going to use that to your advantage.
You fake your task in Cafeteria before venting over to Navigation where Toast was.
“Hi Toast!” you greet, coming to stand next to him as you pretend you’re doing the task. 
“Oh hey yn,” he says. It doesn’t seem like he suspects you, and you’re not quite sure when to click the Kill button. You do it anyway before running out and going down and into shields. There’s adrenaline running through you as the dead body’s reported and you crack your knuckles before putting on your game face. You were going to play dumb, play the confused newbie - because to them, that’s what you were. 
“YN, where were you?” Corpse asks. Fuck. Maybe you weren’t going to get away with this.
You twiddle your hair as you draw out your words, playing the role perfectly. “Uhm I was in...shields? I think that’s what it’s called. I was in the cafeteria before that though.”
“Wait, you couldn’t have, I was in weapons. I would have seen you,” Sykkuno says.
You open your mouth to talk. “She could have vented,” Felix comments, and the rest of the group starts to agree.
“Guys, I don’t even know what venting is. I literally just started playing,” you point out, giggling.
“That’s true,” Rae agrees and you knew there was a reason you loved her.
“Bullshit! She’s playing you with her “oh I don’t know how to play” schtick,” Felix proclaims.
“Aw, that’s kind of rude, Felix. I’m just enjoying the game, doing the tasks,” you say, pouting a little. He’s the next on your list. 
Everyone skips the vote and you lean over your laptop, ready for the next round. You were going to win this. You kill Rae and Toast next, and yet again, manage to worm your way out of any suspicion. You can sense that Corpse and Felix are starting to get suspicious of you, and you know you need to bring out the big guns to throw them off.
You catch Sykkuno in Med Bay after checking the cams in Security.
“Hi yn!” he greets, and you almost feel guilty as you kill him. He’s so sweet and innocent, but unfortunately, casualties are a given. You pass Felix as he comes out of reactor and it’s only a matter of time before you’ll have to talk your way out of this one again.
“I passed yn as I came out of reactor,” Felix shouts with a hint of glee.
You roll your eyes; this is going to be tough. “Yeah I came from Upper Engine, I was finishing part 2 of a task.”
“I was in Electrical, where was the body?” Corpse asks.
“Med Bay. And the only one that could’ve been there was yn,” Felix starts.
“Well no, you could have passed me and killed Sykkuno then self reported,” you reply. “I think you can do that right?” 
Corpse hums in agreement. “Oh come on! She’s being really sus,” Felix argues.
“You are being a little sus yn,” Corpse comments.
“Corpse. You don’t really think it’s me do you?” You decide to lower your voice a little, your tone sweet but sultry. “You only taught me like an hour ago, there’s no way I’d be able to fool everybody so quickly.” You get close to the mic so it’s like you’re speaking only to Corpse. “Remember what I said? You’re a master at this.” You’re laying it on thick, and for a brief second you think you’ve been too over the top.
“This is difficult,” Corpse says, and you see the seconds count down, your heartbeat starts to quicken.
“Corpse, stop being a fucking simp and vote her out!” Felix demands.
“Corpsie baby,” you drawl out and you smile in success as you hear him sigh, almost shakily. You’ve got this in the bag. The victory screen flashes up and you cheer.
“Fuck yeah!” you shout, patting yourself on the back. You laugh as you exhale the breath you didn’t know you were holding.
“Good game yn!” Sykkuno comments, the others agreeing.
“Not fair, you used your womanly wiles against Corpse,” Felix says.
“Gotta use them for something. Not my fault Corpse knows where his allegiance lies,” you reply laughing a little.
You stretch, your back crying out in pain from being hunched over so long. You let out a long, loud moan of relief as you straighten your spine, your shoulders relaxing as you move from side to side.
“Your mic’s not muted” Corpse points out, clearing his throat. You feel your stomach drop and your face instantly becomes hot. Shit. 
“Oh. Uh. I totally forgot about that,” you say, forcing out a chuckle. You screw your eyes shut, any happiness has been now replaced by red hot shame. “So this was fun, uh, really fun, but um, I’m gonna, I’m gonna go. So...yeah. Bye guys, have fun!” 
You click to exit without giving anyone a chance to say a word, and drop your head into your hands. 
“Can’t wait to see what they say on Twitter about this,” you mutter into your hands.
TAGLIST (if youre bold, it wont let me tag): @teenageguitarist @fanworrior  @cherry-piee @mirahg  @clara-bee @cookinglovingalien @vir-tual @clubfairy @youretheonlyonewhomakesme @more-like-reyna @boiled-onionrings @moneybagmgk @brendalopez99 @delicateavenuenacho @dreamsofficialwife @hydrate-tion @little-red02 
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When life forms a full circle
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What happen when Kim Namjoon, single father of twins, meet his university crush as the teacher of his precious little ones? 
W.C. 12 372 
Pairing Kim Namjoon and female reader
Warning: none! This fic is just cuteness overload (maybe a bit of anxiety but nothing much.
This fic is a collab between me and my dear princess @aspaceformyself @aspaceformyselffics09, without her, it wouldn’t have been that good!  Thanks a lot my princess! I love you <3<3<3<3<3
Dear Mr. Kim,
Here it is! Already the first day of school of your precious little ones!
Let me introduce myself! My name is Y/N and I will have the privilege to be a homeroom teacher for your kids, for their first year at the Blooming dale Kindergarten school.  I am so excited to meet your children and team up with you for their first steps as a ‘big kid’ :) 
In this email, you will find everything you need to know to get ready for the big day.  From the school material to the class behavior code, take the time to read it all with your little ones.
To start this year on a festive note, I along with a couple of other teachers are organising a small event to help the kids get to know each other and also warm up to us teachers. I would thus like to invite you with your children on their first day of class. On the site, many games will be organised along with snacks for everyone. 
Please, join us on monday, (date) 
I can’t wait to meet them and start this year together. 
Y/N Y/L/N
++++++++++++++++
Namjoon blinked at the message once, twice and thrice. 
It was 3 am in the morning and judging by his red eyes and unkempt hair, it’s easy to deduce that Mr. Kim Namjoon barely got any sleep since god knows how many days. He pushed himself up from his chair, waddled down the hallway into the kitchen, fetched himself a bottle of water and plopped in front of his laptop once again. The past few days at work had been crazy for him. And today was much crazier. After a rollercoaster ride of juggling between his work and his kids, he finally got a moment of peace for himself. And just as he thought of finishing up more of his work, his eyes began to droop and found himself passed out on his desk only to be awakened by a notification waiting for him in his email.  
“Ugh,” Namjoon groaned to himself and hurriedly typed out a reply. This is when he saw it again, the message that you sent him 2 weeks ago. He was so drowned out in everything that he almost forgot his precious 5 year olds are starting kindergarten tomorrow. It seems as if it was only yesterday, that he was changing their diapers and bringing them to sleep, comfortably wrapped against his chest in the big rocking chair.  And here he was, reading emails from the school where his babies would be starting classes tomorrow. Time flies so fast. The mere thought of his kids taking their first steps in this world, made Namjoon’s chest flush with emotions to the point his eyes felt watery.
“Dammit Namjoon,” He thought to himself, “This is not the time to get all teary and emotional about your kids, it’s 3 am in the middle of the night!” But nonetheless, he was proud and more than anything he was happy.  Overwhelmed, he did the first thing that came to his mind and grabbed his cell phone resting on the desk.
“You better tell me you’re dying, it’s 3 am!” Jin’s voice slurred through the other end, not impressed. But on the other hand he answered before it even rang twice, which means, he guessed Namjoon would be calling him at his wits end and he was ready to answer. Namjoon smiled sheepishly to himself. It was such a Jin kinda gesture. 
“Wait, don't say anything, you’re overwhelmed because tomorrow it’s the twins first day of school ?” Jin asked before Namjoon could get any words out.
“How did you know, hyung?”
“Namjoon - ah you’re forgetting we enrolled our children together.”
“Right” Namjoon snorted. 
“So, on a scale of 1- 10 how anxious are we?”
“Am I that obvious hyung?”
 “Kim Namjoon, I live 10 minutes away from you and I can hear your thoughts overflowing all the way here.”
“Right.”
“So?” Jin asked, “Gonna spill or do I have to make you spill?”
“That won’t be necessary hyung”, Namjoon laughed, “I’m gonna spill.”
Namjoon sucked in a deep breath before he dived in.
“The thing is, I know how they’re excited to start school. I know they are ready and will be doing just fine. But, at the same time, I don’t want them to be hurt or sad and I’m afraid I won’t be around them to be able to comfort them. What if they are mocked? What if they hurt themselves? I won’t be there to help and worse I won’t know about it… I know their teacher will certainly be there for them, but she’s not me, you know. She’ll have so many kids to take care of… Hyung… Just the thought of them being away from me and hurt makes me so sad and scared. I see their excitement and I want to be excited too but I’m just scared. They are so small. They are my precious babies… Also, Namu needs time before he’s comfortable around new people, it’s not so easy for him to adapt to new situations”
Jin was quiet for a while and Namjoon worried the line disconnected before he spoke again.
“Namjoon - ah trust me when I say this. I feel you. I’m shit scared my little DaMi might get hurt too. But you know what,” Jin added in a tone softer than before, “I think they are ready. We should trust them and ourselves.”
“Is this your gut talking to you?”
“I don’t know,  could be,” Jin chuckled, then sighed, “it’s okay to be scared Namjoon - ah. Nothing wrong with that.”
“Are you scared too, hyung?” 
“Yah! Who do you think I am?” Jin’s voice boomed through the phone, “I’m Kim SeokJin, I’m never scared of anything.”
“Then why are you up so late hyung?”
“You know...Uhhh, I’m prepping! I’m prepping Dami’s lunch box for tomorrow!”
“Hyung, the school is arranging lunch, it’s a school party, the first day celebration.”
“Then I’m preparing her clothes for tomorrow!”
Namjoon laughed, “Whatever you say, hyung”.
“Okay, Namjoon, I need to go. I have so much to do before the morning arrives. But before that, how are you feeling now?”
“Hyung, before that hold on, who signed the email? Who’s Dami’s teacher?”
“I don’t remember, wait, I’ll check”.  Scrolling his phone, he found the information.
‘Her name is Y/n”
‘NO WAY! Dami will be in the same class as the twins. How cool is that?”
“That’s so nice! They will all be able to count on each other. I’m so grateful, Dami won’t feel alone in the big class”
“Oooh, I thought you were not scared of anything…”
“I… I’m not”
“Yeah, sure.” Namjoon giggled, “ See you tomorrow, hyung. And for the record, I feel much better. I hope you do too.”
“I was always cool with it, you know. See you tomorrow Joon-ah. Give them a kiss from uncle Jin when they wake up. We’ll meet there”.
“Will do. Hyung… Last question… do you think their teacher will love them as much as we do?”
“She cannot love them as much as we do Namjoon, no one can. As a parent, the love we have for our little ones cannot be compared. But I’m sure that if she decided to be a teacher, it’s because she loves kids in general and therefore, we have no choice but to trust the fact that they will be treated with much care. But you know, our kids are lovable, they will be the teacher’s favorite!”
“Damn, you’re right! Thanks Hyung. I feel much better now”.
“Anytime Joon, preferably during business hours” Jin teased.
“As you were sleeping”
“Yeah, yeah! See you Joon-ah”.
_____________
Morning came way too fast for Namjoon’s liking. He barely had closed his eyes after he spoke with Jin, his fellow ‘Single dad club’ friend as they like calling themselves before he was awakened by two noisy kids racing up to his bed and jumping on him. 
“Appa! Namu will have a pancake!” Little Namu straddled Namjoon’s chest while his twin sister Nam Young followed behind equally enthusiastic, “And Nam Young will have a sandwich and omelette!”
Namjoon groaned in his sleep, shaken awake by the sudden intrusion. Slowly squinting his eyes open he glanced at the clock next to him. 6:25 am it read. Lazily scooping both his kids in his arms, Namjoon sat up. 
“Morning little monsters,” Namjoon greeted them fondly, kissing their faces and holding them close to his chest. 
“Dad! Leave us alone!” The twins giggled, “We’re not babies anymore! Don’t hold us like babies!”
“Noooo!” Namjoon whined holding them closer than before, “You’ll always be my babies! Don’t even try to make me say otherwise! Even on your wedding day, you’ll be my babies. You better get used to it right now”.
“Please appa, don’t call us like that at school”
Sniffing the air, a sweet smell tickled Namjoon’s nose. And before he could wonder where the smell came from, another pair of tiny footsteps echoed in the room and then another little girl jumped Namjoon. 
“Uncle Namjoon!” She squealed, throwing her arms around him. Namjoon struggled to hold her tight in addition to his kids already in his arms. 
“DaMi!” Namjoon’s face stretched into a smile, “When did you get here princess ?? Where’s your appa?”
“Kitchen!!!” The children sang all at once, “He’s making us yummy food! Let’s go! Let’s go!”
“You guys need to get down though”
“Appa nooooo, hold us!” Nam Young pouted followed by Namu and DaMi joining in on her.
“Fine, aye aye captain,” Namjoon sighed. Seriously, he’s way too whipped for the kids to say no. Scooping the kids in his arms with the three of them hanging on to him, Namjoon rose from the bed and made his way through the hallway, into the kitchen. 
When he entered, he was greeted by the sight of Jin behind the oven skilfully taking care of a frightening amount of poelons and cauldrons at the same time. How he never burned anything always remains a mystery for Namjoon.
“What a nice surprise!” Namjoon exclaimed, “When did you guys get here by the way?” 
“Don’t mention it! I was not lying when I told you I was prepping their lunches last night. Besides, it kept me away from overthinking,” Jin’s half admitting his anxiety was somehow touching for Namjoon who came beside his friend and put a hand on his shoulder. Both were ‘losing’ their babies this morning and the thought of it made their heart twist.
“We got here at 6 am!” Dami exclaimed from where she was perched on Namjoon’s shoulder.
“Aaaaw, did my little Dami wake up that early?” Namjoon cooed at her, then turned to Jin,“Well, it’s a wonderful surprise. Thanks a lot hyung.”
“How many times have I told you that we would be the perfect couple, Kim Namjoon? I was not lying! You would have these breakfasts each morning” Jin teased his friend. 
“I might consider the offer,” Joon joked back.
The children jumped down from Namjoon’s embrace and began to set the table in a chaotic but efficient manner. As efficient as the kids can get. In no time, the cutlery was set, and all gathered together before a delicious breakfast prepared by Jin.
No sooner did they finish their breakfast, the kids raced past Namjoon and Jin to gather their belongings as the adults cleared the table and cleaned up everything. Soon, everything was in order and Namjoon and Jin found themselves all packed, in their respective cars ready to drive to school all prepared to welcome their kids to take their first steps as the big kids. 
Concentrated on the road, Namjoon didn’t pay attention to the kids for a couple of minutes. Lowering the music, he realised that the atmosphere suddenly changed in the car. He turned his attention to what was happening in the back seat while still driving.
“... you’ll see Namu, we’ll have fun. Plus, we’re in the same class as DaMi. We’ll be together…”
“I want to stay home with appa… he’ll be alone if we both go to school. I’ll miss appa too”
Namu tears went down on his round cheeks as Joon could see and it broke his heart into tiny pieces.
“What’s going on son?”
“I don’t want to go to school appa. I want to stay home with you. I don’t want to go…”
“Aaaaw… Namu, you forgot that for today I will stay with you guys. We’ll meet your teacher and the other kids together. I can’t wait to see your class. Meet your teacher. Play with the other kids. We’ll have fun, you’ll see. Plus, tomorrow, you’ll have only half a day to let you have the time to adapt. In no time, you’ll get used to it”
“I don’t want to meet them… I don’t want to meet Miss Y/n and the other kids. I want to stay home with you”.
“Namu is just a big baby,” Nam Young playfully teased her twin brother while wiping his tears at the same time.
“Nam Young, don’t tease him. He has the right to feel anxious. It’s normal to be when we are facing a new situation”
“I’m just teasing him appa, I wanted to make him smile”.
“You didn’t make me smile, you made me cry” Namu pouted
“I’m sorry Namu,” Nam Young said as she wrapped her brother in a hug, “… please don’t cry”. 
 “Aaaaaw…” Namjoon’s heart was threatening to explode with warmth in his chest. His kids were so different. Their personality was always the opposite. While Namu was more reserved, anxious and introverted, NamYoung was a child that goes to meet everyone and adapt easily to every situation. This morning was not different. If he was being honest, Namjoon was more scared for his son’s adaptation than for his daughter’s. But looking at the duo now, he feels a little assured that Nam Young will be there for her brother if needed. She may not know how to help him yet, but she tries and it makes Namjoon proud.
“We’ve arrived kids… Jin is already parked. Let’s go”.
Namu hesitated to untie his belt. It’s his sister that did it for him and as soon as Namjoon opened the car door, the little one jumped in his father’s arms. It’s with Namu sitting on his forearm with his little arms wrapped around his neck and his face buried into his neck, and Nam Young proudly walking by his side (but still needed to hold his hand) that Namjoon joined Jin. The latter helped his friend to carry their belongings and the quinquet walked their way into the school. 
As they walked towards the building, Namu’s grip tightened against his father’s neck.
“It’s gonna be okay Namu,” Namjoon reassured his son with a small pat on his back, “ Appa is not going anywhere. I’ll stay with you today, remember?”
Namu nodded but didn’t seem to be convinced. The closer they went to the school, the more tense he felt his son against his chest. And by the time they reached the gymnasium, where the event was taking place, Namu burst into full blown tears. 
“I want to go home!” He insisted between tears, “Bring me home appa! Please.”
Watching his son melt down into tears broke Namjoon’s heart. The group stopped before they could enter the venue and Jin led them to a quiet corner where they hoped to help Namu feel at ease. In the middle of the crisis, Namjoon heard your light footsteps coming their way.
“Oooh, what do we have here?” A soft and cheerful voice asked, “I was waiting for you guys, to complete my class” you said.
Too engulfed by his son and too anxious to notice anything, Namjoon merely looked above his shoulder and turned his attention back to his son when his cries intensified.  At the side, he noticed Jin approach you, but didn’t heard the conversation you had together. It’s only when his daughter said “see you later Namu, come and join us when you feel better” did he realise that something was going on.
“Would you come with me, Mr Kim?” he felt your hand on his forearm, trying to catch his attention. “I think it will be less stressful for Namu to be in a quieter place for now. Come on” 
“Nam Young…” Namjoon enquired, now turning towards the source of the voice. It was a young woman probably in her mid twenties. She had a bright and an understanding expression on her face as she spoke to Namjoon. 
“Your daughter is okay, she left to meet the other kids with Mr Kim,” you said, “she even said bye to you and her brother. Come with me, please”.
Namjoon nodded and the duo followed you in a daze. You entered a light and colorful classroom filled with small tables and tiny chairs. There was a rocking chair in the middle of the class, 15 cushions on the floor. Books everywhere. 
“Namu… can you look at me please?” you asked the little kid. He lifted his eyes and with a tiny sob, he looked at his teacher.
“Annyeong Namu. I’m Y/n. I’m so glad that you are here, I needed help this morning because I didn’t have the time to prepare everything” you winked at Namjoon. “I will be your teacher this year and this is our classroom”
No answer from the little boy. Sensing that Namjoon wanted to interfere, you made a sign to signify that you were in control. You needed to bond with the little boy, you know you will have him sooner or later.
“Namu, I worked all week to prepare this class for you guys. But I am not sure if it will be perfect. Would you like to help me with something?” 
You had to think fast. You wanted to occupy the little boy so he would forget he was sad. Very often, the tactic worked in the past.
“No, I want to stay with Appa,” He sniffed.
Namu didn’t agree, but at least he answered you so that was a good beginning.
“But your appa will help me also, we will use him, of course” You winked knowingly at Namjoon. 
Looking around the class, Namu looked suspiciously at his teacher.
“I think it’s pretty enough as it is,” he told you with a skeptical face.
With a tinkle of a laugh, you turned to face Namu snuggled up in Namjoon’s arms. This was probably when Namjoon realised there was something nostalgic about the woman in front of him. Something he couldn’t quite place or point a finger at. But, at the same time, he couldn’t quite shrug the feeling of the warmth, the familiarity that your laughter made him feel. 
“Aaaaw, thanks a lot Namu!” You cheerfully smiled,  “You think that our classroom is pretty! I worked so hard to prepare it all, you have no idea how it looked like, before I came in. But I didn’t lie to you though, I need your fathers’ arms. Can you get down and let him help me with the boxes you see there?”
You pointed a finger at some boxes piled up in a corner of the class. “See this? I would like your appa to give me the box that is in the middle. They’re too heavy for me. Why don’t you come with me, shall we discover what’s inside together”?
Curious, the little boy looked at his father for his authorization. Namjoon gave him a reassuring smile and told his son “Shall we help miss Y/n Namu? Come on,” and he walked with his son still in his arms towards the boxes. When he arrived, he gently put him down, the little arm of Namu lightly sliding along Namjoon’s neck. Curious, the little one looked at his father taking the first box, putting it on the floor and going that way until you said “Yes, this one. Please bring that box on the table”.
Namjoon smiled at your answer. There was not a single box that was heavy enough for you not to be able to carry them. He found that you were clever as he could see the strategy you used there. 
“Here you go Miss Y/n! The box was so heavy, no wonder why you needed me with it” he smiled.
“Thanks Mr. Kim. Namu, wanna come and discover what’s inside with me?” 
Curious, he ran towards the table, the excitement slowly replacing his anxiety.
“One, two, three… Tadam!!!” you exclaimed as you placed your hands on top of the box and opened it together with the little boy. Namu's smile grew big. 
“Woah! This is figurines! I didn’t know I could play at school! I thought I was only here to be serious all the time!”
This time, you laughed for real, a big belly laughter that made Namjoon doubt again for a moment. Somewhere inside his head, he feels like he knows this sound, this person. But at the sametime he’s not so sure if he does. There’s a part of him that wants to ask and put an end to his curiosity but at the sametime, there’s another part of him that doesn’t want to make a fool of himself if he got it wrong. Then again, it wouldn’t be such a surprise if you turned out to be someone he knew. The world is small after all.  Scratching his head, he observed you while you talked to his son. He wished his mind was working at full capacity right now but unfortunately, it was not the case at all. The anxiety caused by the big event today paired with the lack of sleep of the last weeks barely left him a working neurone. One thing was certain though, this woman in front of him loves kids and has the twist with them. You seemed to be a loving and caring person, empathetic enough to take time to create a bond with an anxious little one. Namu will be at ease in no time with you, he already seems to be. It was a relief. 
“You thought we would never play?” You huffed, clearly surprised, “What’s this idea? Namu, you know what? With me, we will always play. We will use games to learn. And when we are tired of learning, we’ll play just for fun! But, but, but, you will learn so many things! You won’t even realise and you will learn. We’ll also have more serious moments of course. Tell me, do you have those figurines at home?”
“I have some, but we couldn’t buy all of them, they were not available anymore”.
“Ooooh!” you blinked at Namjoon “I have my ways to collect toys. Wanna place the figurines on the shelf you see over there? I don’t  know the best way to put them. Should I sit them? Should I group them? See? I really need your help!” you said, turning to Namu. 
“YES! Let me do it!” Namu lifted the box and dragged it in front of the shelfs, not realising the box was actually really light. “Shall I use the top or middle or lower shelf?”
“This is why I need you Namu, I don’t know what will please the kids. Do as you want, we’ll bring more boxes, I have more figurines”
“Yeah” the boy exclaimed happily, his eyes shining like glitter. 
Turning to Namjoon, you murmured lower enough so Namu won’t hear you.
“Here we go Mr. Kim. I thought it was a good idea for him to be in his little bubble before he meets the other kids. At least, now, he will be more comfortable with his environment, it’s less overwhelming for him. I know, I was the exact same at his age” you told him. He softly gazed at his child trying to arrange the figurines as he pleased by the shelves. “When he’s ready, we’ll go to the gym where the other kids are. Want me to go check on Nam Young while you watch over him?”
“You wouldn’t mind?”
“Of course not, wait”.
A short minute later, you came in and sat by Namjoon’s side as he was watching over his son with proud eyes.
“She and DaMi are already entertaining the crowd!” you smiled at Namjoon “Mr Kim is with them both, he said to take your time with Namu. So, no worry. We have a little time before I need to go there”.
“Thank you, Miss Y/n,” Namjoon sighed, relief clearly flooding through his mind and his body. His shoulders finally slouched and he let his body relax in the chair he sat in. 
“Tough morning?” You asked, judging by the demeanor of the man in front of you. 
Namjoon nodded, then smiled at you, “It was. It was the first time I’m going to part with my kids for a relatively long time. I’m excited for them and proud of them. But at the same time, seeing Namu so anxious broke my heart. He’s a sensitive kid, quiet and reserved. But bright and kind at the same time.”
“I can understand Mr. Kim,” You reassured him, “Maybe not understand all the nuances of being a parent but my students are like my little babies too. Please, don’t tell them I called them babies” you laughed.
“Oh lord,” Namjoon mixed in with the laughter, “I called them that this morning and they didn’t like it.”
“I can tell,” You giggled, “Anyway Mr. Kim, rest assured, your little ones are safe with me. I will always care for them and make sure they’re surrounded by a healthy and loving atmosphere while they’re at school.”
There wasn’t anything more Namjoon could ask for. It seemed that you knew how to create a bond with kids too, judging by how Namu was now playing with the figurines as he placed them. He was certainly more at ease.  And as it looked like you were about to get up and go towards Namu, Namjoon finally couldn’t help but ask what was on his mind the whole time. 
“Miss Y/N,” he called out to you, as he scratched his head for the nth time that day, “I apologise if this may sound weird or come across as rather creepy. But, have we met somewhere before??”
“Finally!!” You exclaimed to which Namjoon appeared startled, “ Of course we met before! I was waiting for you to recognise me!”
“...”
“It’s me Y/N from Seoul University”, You continued, “ We met from time to time during our university days”.
Namjoon still looked confused.
“Wait, remember HyunNa? She was a common friend of ours. Sometimes we met with a bunch of other people. I always loved talking with you, I have to say. You were so brilliant and kind compared to her other friends. Maybe you left a better impression than I did” you said but you didn’t seem mad at all. In fact you were smiling brightly. 
“Oh wait!” It finally dawned on Namjoon, “You’re that Y/N?!”
“Yes! Have I changed that much?” You giggled, “You finally recognised me!”
“Sorry,” Namjoon laughed, “I do remember you but damn, you changed a lot! We met often at the parties. Although neither of us are the kind to party.”
“I think this is why we found ourselves together sitting outside sipping at our drinks and reflecting on the whole wide world, while the other danced and got wasted! ”
 “And those midnight ice cream trips with our friends!”
“Yep! Ice cream was the best! That was my kind of activity”
“Gosh, those days seem so far away. Anyway, I didn't think I would meet you like this after years. It’s a pleasant surprise though.”
“I’m glad too, to be honest. Plus, I’m gonna be the one who takes care of your twins. What a faith!” You said, smiling fondly at Namu.
“They were good times,” Namjoon said, a soft smile adoring his lips.
“It certainly was,” You said, nostalgically, “I wonder how the others are doing right now.”
Once Namu felt at ease with his surroundings and after a while of catching up, Namjoon and you decided that it’s time to regroup with the others at the gymnasium. By the time the three of you entered the gym where the main festivities were held, the school party with the other kids had already started. Once you made your way towards the other teachers, Namjoon joined in with Jin and the other parents. 
“A moment of attention please,” the physical education teacher said. It was Junkook, your colleague. “It’s time for everybody to meet with your group. Would you please group in front of your teachers please, parents follow your kids. We’ll take your presence and we’ll have a short time to get to know each other before the games start. Let’s go meet your teachers guys”.
Jungkook came to you as soon as his speech was done. You had missed the welcome speech and he wanted to tell you how it went. 
“Is the little one okay, noona?” He asked, concerned.
“Yes, he was just a little shy,” You said and then added, “You took good care of my class while I was away, thanks Kookie.” 
“I did, of course. And they can’t wait to meet you, they didn’t believe me when I told them I was miss Y/N,” He pouted.
“Aaaaaw! You said that? Thank you so much! You’re the best!”
“My pleasure. Luckily, you have a bunch of single fathers in your class,” Jungkook smirked, “for the single lady you are, you’ll have plenty of choices. If needed, I may help you all year long with this group, they are all pretty cute and I may get lucky with one of the dad’s myself,” He shrugged.
“Jesus Kook! Calm your hormones” you laughed. “I’ll talk to you later” you smiled at him. Ever Since he joined your school, he was the most popular among kids. Funny, dynamic and respected by everybody. You even found in him a little brother that you never had.
“Okay guys, I’m sure you all met Jungkook?  He will be the gymnastic teacher this year. You can call him Kookie.”
Kids squealed and applauded, already under his charm. 
“I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you before but here I am now. And I’m so glad to meet you.  Now, before you arrive, I have memorised all your names and I would like to put a face on your names. Who do we have here?” 
In addition to Kim Namu, Nam Young and Kim Dami, Namjoon and Jin’s kids respectively, there were Min Jae Hyun and Min Hyun Seok, two bright kids of a young couple, Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok. Then there was Park A-Reum, daughter of a really charming man Park Jimin, whose beauty turned the heads of everyone in the gymnasium from the teachers to the staff and the helpers.  There was Kim Sang Jung, whose energy was more chaotic than an atom bomb. He came with his equally chaotic uncle, Kim Taehyung. There was also a cute but extremely turbulent little girl named Kwak Bo Young whose parents didn’t bother to come for her first day of school, she came in class with her angelic cousin named Lee Min Ji.  Both of them were not accompanied and they soon found themselves under Jimin and Taehyung‘s  protective wings.  These were the kids mainly under your small class.  
“Woah! What a wonderful group I have this year! I’m sure we’ll have so much fun together!” you told them. “Before we start the games, your gym teacher, Kookie and I have arranged some snacks, so be sure to try them and enjoy yourselves. Parents too, can eat as much as you want”
Namjoon along with Jin looked around the gymnasium, taking in the whole atmosphere. Their kids have long ago ran towards the snacks leaving the two behind.
“This place is not bad,” Namjoon mused to himself, “I was pretty anxious yesterday. But somehow after this morning and right now, I feel at ease.”
“I know what you mean,” Jin added, as he signed Namjoon to look in front of them, “I don’t think we have to worry about the kids anymore.”
Sure enough to Namjoon’s amusement and happiness, both their kids seemed to have made friends with the others in their group. It was probably then, that he caught your attention and briefly sent you a smile along with a small wave.
“Ah I see,” Jin mused, smiling to himself.
“See what?” Namjoon asked.
“You know, the teacher,” He shrugged, “I saw that.”
“Saw what hyung??” Namjoon asked, still oblivious.
“I noticed a certain someone who seems all smiley and bubbly around the teacher,” Jin remarked, an amused expression masking his face.
“What do you mean, hyung? Bubbly?  I just waved to her,” Namjoon said, exasperated. And when Jin didn’t budge, he added, “Okay, fine, I knew her from college. We weren't exactly close, but hung out with the same group of friends”.
“And?”
“And what?”
“And?”
“Okay fine! I probably had a tiny bit of a crush on her back then!”
At this Jin’s smile grew wider and wider.
“No no no, I know what you’re thinking and don’t you go there Hyung!” Namjoon exclaimed, “It was long ago and now’s a totally different situation.”
Jin continued to smile and looked like he wasn’t convinced but didn’t say anything more. Namjoon just continued being exasperated by his friend. 
At the same time, on the other side of the Gymnasium, Jungkook approached you. 
“So… what about you and Mr Kim?” He asked you as soon as you were both out of reach of the children.
“There are 3 Mr Kim in my class. You’ll have to be more precise”
“The one with the hot thighs” He smirked.
“What about Namjoon- ah?” You asked, not even realising what you just said.
“DAAAAH!” he laughed, pointing at you. “You know exactly who I’m talking about, how’s that”
“Oooh…. Well… Why do you even ask about him, there is nothing about him” you shyly answered. 
“3 years now, I’ve known you for 3 years and I have never seen you blush when a parent waved at you”.
“I didn’t blush” you said, feeling your cheeks with the back of your hand. “We knew each other back then. There is nothing about him or anything. Leave me alone Kookie” you pouted. 
“She’s shy, how charming” Kookie said as he laid a hand on your shoulder “I think that your red cheeks speak for themselves. Oooh, wait” and he left as fast as he arrived, little A-Reum coming his way with her appa and little Min Ji.
Looking at Kook squatting down to be at the same level as A - Reum, you smiled to yourself as you watched Kook put a bandaid on the finger of the little boy.
Soon, the games began and you didn’t have much time to think about Kim Namjoon anymore, the kids taking all your attention. They were all charming but certainly will keep you busy this year. They involved themselves in the activities with every inch of enthusiasm and energy that was hidden in their little bodies. It was a fun filled day both for you, the parents and their children. And just like that, time flew and in the blink of an eye, the day came to an end. The kids, and even Namu who was so hesitant, were disappointed to go home, but you assured them that they will be back tomorrow and it’s going to be filled with fun like today was. With hopes of looking forward to the next day, and the year ahead, the kids and their parents bid you a good bye. 
****************************
“Are you sure about it hyung?”
“Oh course I’m sure,” Jin insisted on the other end of the phone, “I promised Dami I’ll bring the twins with us. She wanted it, you don’t want to disappoint my daughter, do you?”
Namjoon chuckled.
“I certainly don’t want to make my little princess sad,” He sighed, “Okay then… Are you sure you can handle the three?”
“YAH Kim Namjoon! Who do you think I am?” Jin remarked faking a playful offence, “The day is already planned and you approved all the activities we prepared. Just take that day for yourself and relax. I don’t know how long it’s been since you had a day without responsibilities. Take that time my friend, and enjoy it. You need to recharge your batteries and the kids are really happy about it all. It’s a win win situation.” Jin reassured his friend. “No worry, I know where to reach you in case anything happens”
“Yes, please. I will keep my phone with me. Call me if anything happens. Anything, okay?”
“Yes Namjoon heard you loud and clear, now stop worrying and have fun. Trust your hyung on this one, I got your back.”
Namjoon felt reassured and was even grateful for Jin’s idea. This is when he heard him laugh and say.
“Maybe you can even call the cute teacher and have some good quality time together with her,” He smirked, “I told you many times, she blushed looking at you thrice that day”
“Hyung!” Namjoon exclaimed, “She did not! And that’s all in your imagination!”
“It’s not.”
“It is.”
“Nope. No sir.”
“Yes it is.”
“Fine hyung, whatever lets you sleep at night,” Namjoon signed exasperated knowing his friend won’t relent to him.
Jin didn’t say anything but his laughter was enough to tell Namjoon that he was clearly enjoying this teasing. Ever since he learned of Namjoon’s little university crush on the teacher of their kids, Jin made it a point to tease him relentlessly over it every chance he has got. Now, Namjoon just learned to let Jin have his moment. 
Soon after this, Jin along with Dami, dropped by to collect both the twins. Namjoon bounced around the house double checking everything just to see if the kids had everything they needed. Honestly, everything was already prepared but at the last moment, he felt hesitant. Thankfully, Jin reassured him.  He now loaded all their belongings into Jin’s car with his help, hugged his little ones one last time, breathing in their smell, and made sure they’re properly seated in the car.
“Uncle Jooooooon” Dami happily called him “Can I have my kiss goodbye too?”
“Sure thing, my little princess” He opened the car door he had just closed and hugged her little frame, careful not to crash anyone with his weight.  “Have a good day Dami.”
“You too uncle.”
 And then with a final goodbye from both Jin and the kids, the car zoomed off into the distance.
It’s been quite a while since Namjoon got time for himself. Whether it was to just walk around aimlessly or watch a movie by himself or anything of that sort. In addition to the time, the weather also seemed to work in his favour. It was a clear day, with the blue of the sky peering over the millions that walked the planet. There were hardly any clouds but it also wasn’t very sunny or hot. Just the perfect weather for a stroll along the bed of the Han river. 
Namjoon sighed, leaning into the touch of the breeze that passed him by. It’s been five long years since there was any moment of peace. Ever since the day his twins were born, everyday was a jumble of rollercoaster rides for him. Not that they were bad. He certainly did have days where he was stressed, where he thought he was going to snap from the pressure of it all. But most of all, the rollercoaster ride was still welcome. His kids mean everything to him and without them, he probably couldn’t have gotten to where he is now. The hours he spent caring for them all alone, watching them grow and bloom into beautiful human beings were certainly worth all the fatigue that had accumulated over time. After all, he will always have time to rest later.
And as he sat there lost in his thoughts, he soon noticed a familiar figure sitting by a tree and reading a book. Upon closer inspection, Namjoon realises that it was you, his longtime friend and a teacher for his kids. You didn’t notice him, you were too engrossed in your book, your brows furrowed from the seriousness of what was in the story, your mouth upturned into a pout. It brought a little smile on Namjoon’s face, because it was something he was used to seeing back when you both were in university. From the little bits he knows of you from here and there, and of the times you hung around, books were a constant. Never in his life, he thought he would meet you again or feel this familiarity once again. 
As he continued to notice you and take in your presence, a soft breeze blew by you, whipping your hair onto your face. It didn’t seem like it bothered you though as you continued reading despite it. And when it happened for a second time, it was when you finally tucked your hair behind your ear and looked up to meet Namjoon’s gaze. 
“Namjoon - ah” you murmured, more for yourself. You were not quite sure if he was really in front of you, still engulfed in the emotional part of the story you just read. It was when you heard his deep velveteen voice that you knew it was not your imagination. 
“What a nice surprise” he softly giggled before he walked towards you “It’s nice to see you haven't changed at all after all these years. It’s nice to see you like that, like before”.
This was when he noticed what Jin was teasing him with for weeks now, the pink on your cheeks that he’s quite sure you never had in your university years. More so, around him.
“Oooh! You mean, reading all alone in my little corner?” You chuckled, “Yep! This is still how I spend my off days.  My friends wanted to go for a bicycle ride but after being surrounded by people all week, I needed some quiet time”.
“Haha, I know what you mean, I’ll leave you then” Namjoon shyly said.
“No! I didn’t mean it like that. I’m actually happy to see you, come sit with me” you pat the place close to you. 
“You sure?”
“Yep! Of course”
With a blinding smile, he walked towards you and sat close by. 
“By the way, where are my babies?” you asked him with a concerned smile.
“Oooh, out with Jin hyung and Dami. It’s the first time I’m on my own. They will even sleep there, if I don’t change my mind and join them or kidnap them. Because they were so happy about their day, it would be a kidnapping” he laughed. “They have planned to sleep in a homemade tent on the terrace of Jin hyung’s building, I mean…. Quite an event, right?”
“Aaaaw! This is so cute!” You exclaimed, “Don’t you dare bother them” you teased. 
“Yeah, we’ll see if I can stand it tonight,” Namjoon sighed as he gazed towards the sky.
“And how is Mr. Namjoon spending his day so far?” You asked playfully, wiggling your eyebrows.
“To be honest, they just left and I was just wandering around. I feel useless,” he chuckled, “I don’t know what to do.”
“Aaaaw! Single dad, not being used to being by himself” You cooed, “I’m glad that you have this day though. It’s good for you”
“You don’t have kids right?” 
“Nope, it’s still impossible for a single woman to procreate by herself” you laughed, “Unless it happens by a miracle.”
Namjoon snorted at that. Strangely happy for a reason he can’t fathom. But then he also wondered, 
“How do you spend your free time? Then again, how come you’re single?” he asked, almost surprised.
Looking up at him through your eyelashes, you wondered what he meant for a moment. 
“This is a question I ask myself too, Namjoon -ah,” you broke into a laughter, “Where is my prince charming, I wonder!” 
“Aaaaw!” he smiled at your cuteness.
 “Well, to answer your question, I spent my free time with whatever I want to do. I don’t ask myself how to spend my time, I just do what I want. Then again, it’s easy for me since I have no children yet. This is what you should do today. What do you, Kim Namjoon, want to do today?”
“What if I say, I want to go have ice cream with an old friend like the old times??” Namjoon asked, “Will she agree to it?”
 “This is a very good idea. You go ahead, call her” you playfully winked at him but at the same time, you were already closing your book with the same page holder you used back then, Namjoon noticed.
“I mean you, pabo!” Namjoon whined, “I don’t think I have many people I know around here or consider anyone else to be an old friend.”
“I know!” You exclaimed happily, “But wanted to tease. Oopsie.”
“Let’s get going then shall we??” He said, smiling as he stood up and reached a hand to help you. His hand was big and his grip soft but strong. You felt happy that the connection with him didn’t seem to be lost after so many times apart. 
“You won’t have that horrible flavor again, right?” Namjoon asked you with a pout.
“You remember what I used to eat?” you asked him, surprised.
“How can I forget, it’s kind of noticeable”
You laughed, delighted that he remembers, for some reason.
“Let’s see if my tastes have evolved enough to meet yours” you answered. Ice cream flavor was always a subject of playful bickering between the two of you. Never on the same page when it comes to choosing it. 
As you walked along a little path along the river with Namjoon on your left, you looked up at him to meet his soft smile. When did he become so handsome? He was always a beautiful person inside and out but somehow along the way, as he aged, he became even more beautiful. How come you never noticed it back then? And how was this something you noticed after all these years? 
“Appa doesn’t have a lover” you remembered Namu telling you and Kookie, last week “he said his priority was me and Nam Young but I would like to have a mother” the little boy had pouted cutely.
“You have a really good appa, Namu” Kookie had answered “he’ll meet the good person for him and for you guys one day. But the fact that he’s taking his time to do so is really good”.
The class had started and you had to leave the subject like that but it kept running in your thoughts today. 
“Namjoon- ah” 
“Hmmmm” he said as he looked down on you, his dimples shyly flashing on his cheeks as he smiled.
“It will be the only thing I’ll say about your kids because today, I’m not their teacher, I’m your old friend. But I found it amazing how a single parent could be able to raise such beautiful human beings. Namu and Nam Young are so lovely and brilliant. They learned to care for one another but they also care for the entire class, including me.  It’s easy to say that they received a lot of loving attention and that they were in a stimulating environment. I love them so much. If you ever doubted, I want to tell you that you did a good job at parenting them. I… I’m impressed”
“Oooooh” he blushed “Thanks Y/n, I mean, it was not always easy but they were my number one priority all the time and I certainly cared a lot for them.”
“You prioritise your kids over your own needs, I mean, it’s remarkable. I found it really amazing”.
“Thanks Y/n… for me it was the only thing to do”.
“It would have been the same for me, too, you know” You said as you gazed into his eyes, then shrugged, “But it’s not that obvious for everyone else I guess. I met a lot of egoistic parents in my young career, unfortunately”
Namjon’s eyes were captivating. Again, something else that you never noticed before. Maybe there were times you did notice that. Some moments in passing when you both were in university. Or some nights when you were drunk and stared a little too longer into his eyes. But you never gave it much thought back then. In fact you can count the number of times you felt something but shrugged it off immediately, thinking it wasn’t a big deal or blaming it on the alcohol. But why tho? Was it because you were already seeing someone? Was it because it felt wrong? Was it the guilt? In hindsight, It was probably the guilt that made you focus on something else. But now, as you stared into his eyes, you can feel the familiar warmth stir in your chest. A kind of warmth you’ve never felt for anyone in years after you last broke up with your ex. 
“Anyway,” You abruptly turned your head to face forward. Somewhere at the corner of your head, you can feel the blush creep up your cheeks and for some reason you felt embarrassed that Namjoon might notice that, ”I think I’ll have chocolate ice cream today. I don’t feel like ‘fighting’ with you.” 
Namjoon busted a laugh at that, he has a really pretty smile, “You know what,” He said, “Have whatever you like, I’m not going to judge you on that today. I just like teasing you.”
“Aaaah, Kim Namjoon! You’re such a meanie!” you pouted, then chuckled, “It’s good, I.. It’s good”.
What’s happening to you? What’s this good feeling of meeting up with an old friend and connecting just perfectly again. At the same time, what’s this bubbly, sparkling sensation tickling inside? What was that? Why so suddenly?
“Look at that,” Namjoon pointed as he came to an abrupt halt. You were so lost in the chaos of your emotions and bubbling feelings that you didn’t notice when Namjoon stopped, didn’t hear him talk to you or point at something. With your mind in a haze, you walked right into him. The tall and broad shoulders, perfect him.  It was so sudden, that the collision surprised you and in an effort to steady yourself, you tried to find the right footing. But that only led you to further losing your balance and before you could blink, you found yourself falling face first onto the ground. You tightly closed your eyes, bracing yourself for the impact.
But before, you could even realise what was happening, a strong arm quickly snaked around your waist and lifted you up from falling. You don’t know how he managed to do that but you found yourself facing Namjoon, securely held in between his arms, his hands away from you in a respectful manner. As you looked up at him, your eyes met his. His perfectly shaped, deep coffee brown eyes that stared right into your soul. They were so tender and soft, that you could feel yourself sucked right into his gaze. In this moment, you didn’t mind the ‘respectful’ manners and with the excuse of holding yourself still, you placed your hands flat on his chest. His heart was beating way faster than the calm that was emanating from his firm stillness on the outside.
“Namjoon- ah” you smiled at yourself, feeling a sting of warmth in your heart, “Why is your heart beating so fast? Were you so scared that I might have fallen down?” 
At this very moment, you couldn’t imagine that he could have been feeling the same warmth at your contact. It was so sudden for you, so inexplicable. Namjoon didn’t answer, he just stared at you. He too was so lost in the moment that he didn’t realise the kind of hold he had over you, nor did he realise the position you were in. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine that he would get such a close look at your face. And when you spoke, things suddenly fell in place. His eyes went wide as the realisation kicked in. His face turned a deep shade of red as he finally let you go. 
“I...I’m sorry,” He smiled sheepishly, “I didn’t think.”
“What are you sorry for?” This confused you further. But decided not to dwell on it too much, “You saved me from face planting myself on the floor, thank you,” You laughed.
If saying that Namjoon was starstruck was an understatement, saying that he was spellbound would be too underrated.  You have an enthralling laugh. Namjoon remembered the first time he heard it back in the university, he thought it had a distinct sound to it. Like the distant chime of a bell, like birds chirping in spring. And even now if you ask him, he would say it still had the same ring to it. Had the same effect on him. If he was being completely honest with himself, he would admit right here and right now that this sound you make when you burst into laughter, he would like to hear it every single day for the rest of his life. It just made him feel light and bubbly, calmed him down. 
“You know what Y/n?” he asked as he collected himself
“What?” 
“I want to make a bet with you”.
“A bet? What kind of bet?” you looked at him, not sure what he was about to propose.
“See the tree over there? The one close to the ice cream stand? The last one that arrives there has to pay for the ice cream. What do you think”
You smirked, as your expression changed in the blink of an eye and rolled up your sleeves. How did Namjoon forget how competitive you can get when bets were involved. 
“Bring it on Mr. Kim!” You exclaimed as you jumped to prepare yourself. “You’re so gonna have to pay for me!” 
For the nth time that day, he was reminded of how much you didn’t change over the years. How much the same old things excited you or brought a spark in your eyes.
“No way I’m paying! I’m so gonna beat you in the race!” Namjoon challenged you right away.
“Sureeeee,” You chuckled, “Says the same guy who lost all the time back at uni and paid for everyone.”
“You remember??” Namjoon asked, taken by surprise.
“How can I forget? I had a couple of free treats, thanks to you” you laughed “I mean, who will say no to free ice cream, han? You better get ready Namjoon- ah! I’m on fire today. I might be smaller than you, but I’m way faster. Ready?” you asked, still warming up your muscles as if you were preparing for an olympic competition. 
“Aaaaw” Namjoon cooed “you didn’t change at all. Okay, on your marks…”
This is when things became serious for you. You position yourself in order not to miss the departure, not a single bit aware of Namjoon’s tender expression. The more he looked at you, at your cuteness over the simplest things, the more he felt endeared at you.  You probably may not have been aware, but Namjoon let you start ahead of him and he ran right after you. Always making sure he kept a step behind. 
When your hand finally touched the tree bark, you turned around and did your little happy dance exclaiming that you won. Just for that Namjoon thought he was in fact, the real winner here.
“I can’t believe that you won” he exclaimed but it sounded so fake, you became skeptical. Panting from the effort, you managed to say.
“Namjoon- ah! You cheated! I can see you let me win! Why?” you frown, pouting. “You’re not even breathless, how is that possible?”
“Aaaaw! Have I let you win?” he asked, dangerously close to you. “I don’t think I did! Anyway, ice cream is on me today… again”.
You studied his face for a moment. He didn’t seem a tiny bit deceived that he just lost a bet. He even had a warm smile on his face, his dimples on full display. You pouted even more.
“Namjoon-ah, you let me win. I know you did”.
“Of course not. I ran like my life depended on it”.
“Yeah! Yeah! Sure, I believe that,” You stared back at him, your eyebrows knitting on your forehead, your eyes in a squint.
Your breathing was much calmer now, and you were able to speak normally. Namjoon felt himself too entranced by you, if he continued to look at you like that, he didn't know what he could do. Instead of kissing you like his guts were claiming, he leaned towards you and poke your forehead. 
“Ouch” your fingers traced the spot Namjoon just poked. It was so sudden, that it took you by surprise. But at the same time you couldn’t help being fond of it.  
“Namjoon-ah! You meanie!” You pouted “You let me win and now, you’re hurting me! I don’t follow you this morning” you laughed, “Why are you like this??”
“I believe that you should not ask that, little miss. This might be information I want to keep top secret”.
“Oh Oh!  look at you,” You playfully teased, “All cool and mysterious, keeping information to yourself,”
“I heard that mysterious people are very attractive,” Namjoon remarked as he puffed out his chest, “Does Ms. Y/N think that mysterious people are attractive?”
You smiled at him, looking straight into his eyes. He was so handsome, a mix of confidence and doubt. He was himself the incarnation of Adonis. The greek god of desire and beauty. 
“Hum… let me think about it… Nah, I am personally not attracted to mysterious people. You know what seduces me?” without realising it, you got lost in your own thoughts and you had no filter anymore “Intelligence is seductive. Kindness is seductive. When someone is really caring and tender, this is really attractive, at least to me. If the person has dimples, broad shoulders, a beautiful smile and thighs… omg, if he has muscular thighs I’m a lost case”
Namjoon, who’s brain usually malfunctions when you’re around, has now completely stopped functioning. He just stopped in his tracks staring at you, his eyes wide. Trying to process the words that just left your mouth. It can’t be true is it? It’s too good to be true is it? But he just heard them. Straight from you. 
You stopped walking on the spot, realising what you just had said. Your eyes went wide and it seemed to Namjoon that the blood had left your face before that beautiful pink colored your cheeks once more.
“I mean… I…” You stuttered, which was unusual for you. A hint for Namjoon that your brain too, was malfunctioning. “I mean, dimples are universally attractive, right? We… Aren’t we all attracted to dimples? I mean… Oh well, I think I’ll just shut up now” you blushed. You were red from the top of your head to your toes. 
“I’m pretty sure it’s just you, who found it attractive,” Namjoon teased you. He couldn’t help himself, he needed to make you laugh again. His heart was beating loudly inside his own chest and he could very well feel the blush creep up his own cheeks. But that’s a story for another time. For now he just wants to see you smile at the very least. But instead of a smile, you got shy and it melted his heart.
“Namjoon-ah… I was just…”
“Say no more, Y/N, I just love teasing you”
“Yeah, it’s better if I just stop talking” you sheepishly smiled at him “The good thing is, you will pay for my ice cream today so I’m gonna take the bigger portion I ever had”
“You can buy the entire shop and I still won’t mind paying for that” Namjoon grinned.
Your heart was beating so fast and you felt so light. You never felt like this before near anybody else other than Namjoon, even back in uni. Was he flirting with you? Were you flirting with him? What was happening? How’s this even possible? Not even half an hour ago, you were alone, reading against a tree. Now you are with the most handsome and interesting man that you ever met and both of you seem to be fond of each other, at least you hope you were not imagining this. 
You were probably standing there staring at him, the familiar blush dusted on your cheeks that your mind didn’t get enough time to process it when Namjoon took your hand in his, like it’s no big deal. Like it’s something of a usual occurrence to him, to you. And when you finally came to your senses, you couldn’t help but feel his hand. His soft but tough skin, his long fingers and the way they intertwined and laced around your own. The warmth of his grip, the tingling sensation that every point of contact sent through your skin. You were no longer sure of what’s reality or what’s an illusion. 
The day couldn’t have been more perfect for Namjoon. This morning, he wouldn't have imagined it would turn out so beautifully. Walking hand in hand with the person he held a crush for over the longest period of time. If anyone would ever tell his university self that he would be walking with you while holding hands, he would have probably laughed at that person. But life does have weird ways of coming in a full circle. And here he was. The anxiety of being away from his kids was long gone. He did think of them, of course. But he was in such a peaceful and happy place, he didn’t have time to be overwhelmed. 
You walked around for a while like that. Stopping for your ice cream once and then making a few more stops as you both tried some street food here and there. And between all this, the walking, the eating, the picking out food stalls, you both couldn’t stop talking to each other, couldn’t stop the bickering. It was a while since any of you had so much fun. Been a while since you both felt so light and bubbly. Particularly with another human being, an adult specifically. Nothing about today was planned beforehand but the day was nevertheless full of remarkable moments. Small moments that you never want to forget.
****************************
“So this is it then,” Namjoon’s words jolted you out of your thoughts. Surely enough, you could see your apartment come into view from a distance. The day surely flew by. And probably for the first time, you were disappointed by the thought of having to return home yet. Beside you, Namjoon didn’t seem to let your hand go either. His grip on your hand was as tight as it was when he first held it.
A little sad that you will soon have to go separate ways with Namjoon, you looked at him. His features were half hidden by the darkness that already fell on the city. Sensing your gaze on him, he looked back at you with a tender smile on his face.
“What are you thinking of Namjoon?” You asked, an equally tender smile on your face.
“Thinking?” Namjoon asked, “Nothing really. Why?”
“You had such a soft smile on your face,” You shrugged, “So wondered what got you smiling like that.”
“Ah, that’s because I had a good day today. I’m happy I got to spend all this time with you.”
You probably weren’t expecting this answer from him, so it was a bit surprising and also made your heart flutter thinking about how you were the cause of that smile. He, too, made you happy today.  Very happy.
Guided by the desire to stay with Namjoon a little bit longer, you let your hand secure in his and with the other one, you gently laid your fingers on his forearm as you continued walking. It was not something that you planned to do, you just felt the need to hold onto him. He didn’t react to this but his already wide smile grew wider, if it’s something that’s even possible. 
“We’ve arrived” you stopped in front of your apartment building “I live here”.
Namjoon didn’t say anything but stared at your doorstep, lost in a daze. It seems that it still didn’t fully dawn upon him that it’s already the end of your day together. And when he didn’t say anything else for a while longer you just gave him a small nudge waking him up from his reverie. 
“This is so funny,” He remarked, “I walk in front of your home almost every single day when I go to work, yet I never imagined you lived here. Life is full of surprises”.
“Oh yeah?” You giggled. 
You both just look at each other, a little awkward, a little shy, unsure of what you had to say. Of what both of you wanted to say. You both knew that the time you spent together today was a million times different than how you spent it before. You can’t really pinpoint what changed or what pushed for this change. But whatever it was, it was good. It was more than just good. It was perfect.
“So….” 
“So…”
“You live here…” Namjoon bashfully said and mentally slapped himself almost instantly. Wasn’t it obvious? You had just said you live there. Jin will laugh at him until the next century when he gets to know this. 
As he was scolding himself internally, he didn’t notice you tiptoe in front of him. It’s your hands taking a hold on his chest that made him realise that something was happening. 
“Oh” was the only thing he thought of saying when he felt your warm lips against his cheek. Less than a second after, he could see your beautiful smile. You seemed to be way more at ease than he was. On an honest note, you weren’t sure what prompted you to do that. But looking at him, it only felt right to peck his cheek in a kiss. 
“You’re so cute when you’re mad at yourself Namjoon-ah! You’re the cutest!” you tittered, your eyes bright. Namjoon swore, if he stared any longer he would be able to trace galaxies in them. 
And as for you, saying Namjoon was cute was an understatement. You knew he was just as nervous as you. Nervous, happy, excited, overwhelmed and so many other things. It’s like waves crashing on top of each other. Restless, yet everything seemed like it was falling into place. 
Under the pale moonlight, you gazed at Namjoon’s face. In contrast to the softness he radiates, his face was full of sharp angles and beautiful lines. He was looking at you with something akin to tenderness in his eyes, his coffee brown eyes, fixated on yours, his brown hair falling over his face. You were tempted to reach out and brush it away. But you couldn’t do anything but standstill and continue to gaze back into his eyes. And deep inside you, a fire burned and crackled.  
When you felt him closing the distance between you, you instinctively closed your eyes and clutched at his shirt with your trembling hands. He was so close, you could feel his warmth enveloping you like a comfortable blanket. And with each passing moment, the fire inside you burned brighter. Stomach tangling, ribs crackling, butterflies scattering everywhere.
And just as Namjoon’s gaze dropped down to your mouth, he snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you in, your lips tarried at his, baiting each other with the warmth of your breath. And just as his lips gently leaned on yours, a sound to your side broke the charm.
“Hum hum” the old man living in your block cleared his throat. Still not completely coming to your senses, both Namjoon and you sprang apart, half shy, half embarrassed. You then moved on your left, giving the space that the intruder needed to pass by and enter the building.
This is when you noticed Namjoon’s finger, grazing his red and luscious lips at the exact place where he felt you. He seemed as shy and shocked as you were. 
“I… This is like an old dream coming true” Namjoon admitted, flustered.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know if I can say it”
“...” you stared at him.
“It’s nothing bad, you know?” he moved from a foot to another, seemingly shy and nervous.
“Then, why don’t you tell me” you had no idea what he was gonna say. All you could think about was the sudden sensation of cold you felt when you had to move back from him. It seems like you belonged in his arms and you wished you could just snuggle up against him as soon as possible. 
And the next words that slipped past his lips was probably something you never imagined yourself or ever pictured happening. 
“I used to have a huge crush on you while we were at uni,” He said, softly giggling, “I can’t believe I’m admitting that to you years later.”
Surprised, it was not something you expected him to have said, you stared at him blank, your eyes wide open. But then again, there was also no denying the sparks that flew between you back then. All this while, you thought it was only you. But, now you know, he was feeling something similar too. In a way, it was sort of comforting to know that. 
When you noticed that his features changed, you realised he might have confused your reaction to rejection. Indeed, when he started to talk, he seemed to have regretted the confession. You didn’t want him to feel that way so you moved towards him and engulfed yourself in his arms.
“Woah Namjoon-ah! I didn’t know at all…” You said, at a loss for words. Equal parts embarrassed, equal parts happy. But at the same time you couldn’t help squeeze his frame between your arms. And in your grip, Namjoon stood still, probably too shocked or surprised for his own good. His heart at that point was slippery and hot and loud. So, so loud.
You both stood still like that for a few moments. It was too surreal, it was like falling off a cliff at a high velocity, unaware of your surroundings, yet still somehow suspended within the moment. And after what felt like ages, you turned your head to face him. When you looked at his gentle features peering at you, you knew what you felt in your heart. You were sure. But wanting to confirm if Namjoon was feeling the same, you ask -
“What about now Namjoon? How do you feel about me now?” you asked, your voice barely a whisper. 
Namjoon thought it was too good to be true, that the moment was too magical, too perfect. He must have been dreaming and yet here he was.  With you in his arms, worried about what he might think, he thought that life offered him the most beautiful gift in a long time. He smiled right back at you as he looked straight into your eyes before he tighter his arms around you. One hand at the nape of your neck, he brought you closer to his chest and kept you there for a long moment, both savoring the sensation.
“Now? Let’s see… It’s beyond just a crush. I feel like… we belong? Isn't it strange?” 
“No Namjoon, it’s not strange. I feel the same” you told him, your nose against his shirt, breathing in his familiar scent.
And with that Namjoon giggled in your hold. 
“How do you feel about a date next weekend then?” He asked as his fingers delicately carded through your hair.
“Let me see” you said, thinking “I found it’s a very long time to wait! I already cannot wait to be with you… What to do?” you teased “If we talk on the phone meanwhile, maybe I can wait until next week-end” you smiled at him.
“Aaaaw! Of course we can talk,” Namjoon laughed, “I recognise you there. You didn’t change a bit!”
“But it’s how you like me, right?”
“Right!” He smiled and took your hands in his “I also can’t wait to be with you again”
The journey was coming to an end, sadly. You moved back from his arms, tiptoed to kiss his cheek one last time and lingered against him a bit longer than necessary. 
“Stay safe Namjoon”
“Yes, you too” 
“Sure Namjoon,” you giggled, “I’ll try not to get robbed on the way to my doorstep.”
Namjoon busted a laugh at that. 
“Anyway, see you soon.”
“See you soon.”
When you entered your apartment, you couldn’t believe what just happened. Sliding against the door, you sat down on the floor and held your knees against your heart in an attempt to keep it in your chest. 
Not even 15 minutes later, still in the same position, you received a text message. 
“Kind of think that next weekend is way too far… you were right missy <3”
165 notes · View notes
bangtansmau · 3 years
Text
midnight memories
pairing: kim taehyung x you
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summary: you moved in to a new apartment because you couldn't live another day with a noisy neighbor. to your luck, your balcony faced another apartment's balcony from the building next door and he also is infamous for making sounds. however, you can't seem to care when the noise is actually from a nice violin and the player himself is also nice-looking. 
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track 6: don't forget where you belong
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she was the last person he wanted to see standing behind his door.
taehyung’s eyebrows furrowed at the sight of his former muse that still held the same smirk and the glint of mischief in her eyes. her clothes looked like she just came from a club and his nose twitched when the faint scent of booze permeated the air.
“minji, what are you doing here?”
his icy tone made her pout and she leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms.
“is that how you call me now, taetae?”
the nickname made him flinch and she grinned.
“come on, taetae. can you let a girl in? you don’t want me to stay in the streets, do you?”
everything in him screamed to refuse but he wasn’t given a chance to answer as she already barged her way in through his door. 
“you belong in the streets”
he mumbled but she didn’t seem to hear it.
minji stood at the end of the hallway, surveying the whole room and her nose crinkled at the sheer size of it.
“you really stay in this shed, tae? you could do so much better”
she chided but taehyung ignored her and grabbed her arm to face him. his eyes were no longer warm and inviting- rather, cold and upset.
“what the hell do you want, minji? why did you come all the way here? how did you even know my address?”
she rolled her eyes as if the answer was so obvious that he should know. but he didnt, a sharp stare boring straight to her face.
“i have friends everywhere, tae. and i just wanted to see you, since it’s been so long”
her manicured hand travelled to his shoulder and was about to rub his shirt when he swatted it away. taehyung exuded an aura of anger and he clenched his jaw.
“i don’t want to see you nor do i want to do anything with you. now get the fuck out of my home or so help me God”
but the threat didn’t faze her. minji reverted to her true colors, the mischief being replaced by malice and her lips curled into a sneer.
“don’t forget who i am, taehyung. i could ruin your reputation here just like i did at home but surely, you don’t want me to, right? you don’t want to be looked at like that here too, right?”
the faux sympathy annoyed him and he chuckled humorlessly. of course she would threaten him with that. she was what chased him away from his home and everything he knew towards a family friend who graciously accepted him to live with them in the city.
the city where he would have a fresh start. 
“it’s nearly been 2 years. you’re still holding on to that?”
he looked off to the side to contain himself then looked back at her with a harsh glare.
“you may have friends and connections in daegu that could believe you and every lie you could spout off. but here? this is my territory. they know nothing about you, or my life back then so they won’t believe you if you spread them. besides, you’re the only one in them. would they think it was me who took the photos in the first place?”
he was right.
she knew he was right.
the explicit photos he consensually took of her were what ruined his image at the small town but in the big city, no one would bat an eyelash. and no one knew who lee minji was. compared to their rural home where everyone knew everybody to the capital of the country, she was just another person living in this city like the other millions. taehyung has been here for nearing 2 years now, making friends and connections from the middle of his senior year to current. he has an upper-hand than her and even if she tried to blame and point fingers at him, the photos only showed her face and none of who was behind the camera- him.
taehyung laughed at her defeated face and was about to go on when his phone rang. minji watched her former lover pick up the phone with a bright smile and answered happily. 
“okay. yea, sure. i’ll be there. on my way now”
when he hung up, his face shifted to the same coldness from before and tears welled up in her eyes. not from sadness, but from frustration. that she no longer holds a threat over his head and he was finally free from her.
tae paused for a second, then sighed.
“this is the last time you’ll ever hear or see from me again. if you come back, i will release the videos of you, like you did to me. i could’ve done it immediately after you leaked it but i had a feeling i needed to wait. and i was right. so try something again, i’ll really destroy you. both in seoul, and daegu.”
minji gulped and harshly pulled away from his grasp to cradle it close to her and glaring hatefully at him.
“i hate you, kim taehyung”
he chuckled.
“sure you do. now, i have to go somewhere. i’ll go first but don’t even think about looking for anything because i have nothing in here. i really shouldn’t be this nice but i’d feel bad kicking you out when you stink like the combination of a beaver’s ass and puke. so go take a shower and leave when you’re done. and your clothes? use my robe and go. it would be a shame to find you dead in a ditch because you wore something like that. terrible cause of death, don’t you think?”
she stomped her foot on the tile in the bathroom as she replayed the last things taehyung said to her. minji looked at herself in the mirror and resisted the urge to throw the vase by the door at her reflection.
“stupid, lee minji. you shouldn’t have come here”
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
you didn’t do anything or say anything because you should’ve expected this. taehyung was one handsome and fine young man, of course he would have women begging to sleep with him. unfortunately, you saw one of those girls leaning against the railing of his balcony with nothing but a robe.
he even let her stay at his place.
the curious stare you had was met with the girl herself and her lips turned up to a smirk and her head cocked to the side. minji caught your eye since you could be seen through the large windows of your living room.
so you were the girl in his camera.
she even raised her hand as a hello and beckoned you to come outside. at first, you didn’t know who she was talking to, even pointing to yourself as confirmation, but she nodded and you slowly walked to the doors and out to the balcony.
at a closer look, this girl was beautiful. duh, only pretty girls should be with him. with the perfect skin and even flawless natural beauty, she was the girl you would envision to be his girlfriend.
of course, he has a girlfriend!
the topic never came up and you assumed he was single with the flirty texts he sent but she might be his girlfriend.
minji smirked when you said nothing and just kept staring at her. it was so unlike taehyung to find interest in a little girl like you.
“you must be,, diana?”
you stopped.
“huh?”
how does she know about that?
minji chuckled.
“sorry. i was in tae’s laptop and saw a folder named diana. and your pictures were in there so i assumed,, you are diana. you are, aren’t you?”
it made you feel awkward that his girlfriend knew you and the fact that she found out about you was because her boyfriend’s laptop had pictures of you in it. you would be curious too if your own boyfriend did that.
so you just nodded.
“um, i guess? but don’t misunderstand! i’m just helping him! that’s it!”
you clarified but minji didn’t seem bothered, even just examining her fingernails.
“it’s alright. tae’s always been like that. he wasn’t interested in anything strikingly attractive or beautiful so his standards of beauty are quite rare. but once he does find it, he doesn’t let go. he takes pictures of it and keeps it as,,, a collection?”
you didn’t understand anything she was saying but the energy you got from her was suspicious and negative.
“what are you saying? i’m not following”
you awkwardly chuckled to lighten up the air but minji kept going.
“once you become taehyung’s model, he becomes drawn to you- almost, obsessed. but in the end of the day, you’ll still just be his model. that’s it. why? because he doesn’t fall in love with the eyes. he falls in love with his camera. you can be the most beautiful thing to ever walk the earth but if one day, his lens doesn’t capture that, he would cast you aside and find a new one. so darling, i want to give you a bit of an advice to save you the heartbreak. you can like him all you want- hell, even fall in love with him if you so desire-but don’t forget who you are, don’t forget where you belong. stay in your place, know your purpose, and just be his good little doll, nothing more. okay?”
there was conflict inside you because you weren’t in love with him, attracted sure, but you weren’t going to fall in love with him. but why does it feel like your hopes were just crushed? was it because he could easily cast you aside when he no longer needs you? but she was right. you were just a model. 
then again, who was she to be saying this stuff? 
“why are you saying this?”
you quietly said and minji showed a ‘sad’ smile.
“because i was once you. and if you don’t follow my advice, you could end up like me. thrown away and forgotten.”
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fun facts:
- lee minji was taehyung's ex-girlfriend and they were,,, doing stuff and she told tae he was allowed to take pictures and all that but tae broke up with her which made her spread the pictures and taehyung's family were ashamed of him so they sent him to seoul where a family friend let him stay.
- minji didn't know there were videos too but he kept them just in case for payback or revenge or just something to keep over her head
- namjoon is currently reading DEMIAN and DON QUIXOTE and he switches from that language to crack for the group chat
- jimin still has an X and jungkook keeps teasing him about it
- tae works as an intern for a photography company but he usually does the editing at home so he never leaves the house
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//masterlist//
← track 5 // track 7 →
taglist!:
@weasleyswizarding-wheezes​
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ollieofthebeholder · 3 years
Text
leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic
Read from the beginning on Tumblr || Also on AO3
Chapter 48: Sasha
“Yes, of course. I’ll—I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Sasha disconnects the call and stares at her cell phone for a long moment. She’s worked at the Magnus Institute for almost seven years now, been in the Archives for almost two. She honestly thought she’d lost the ability to be afraid of anything the mundane world could dish up anymore.
But that phone call…
“You okay, Sash?” Melanie’s voice seems to be coming from a long distance away.
With difficulty, Sasha pulls herself together and looks up. It’s just the two of them in the Archives right now, since Martin and Tim are both at lunch; Melanie’s already taken hers, and Sasha will go as soon as one of the others gets back. She’s not really hungry anymore, though.
“I’m fine,” she lies, then stops. They’re trying, they’re all making the effort not to lie to one another or downplay when things are bad. Tim and Martin both know her well enough to call her on it when she does it, and they’re also connected to the Eye well enough to be able to at least get a sense when she does. Melanie doesn’t and isn’t, and it’s not fair to her to keep her in the dark. “It’s my uncle.”
Something in Melanie’s face shifts, and she half-closes her laptop. “Is he sick?”
“No—I don’t know. He just said he has something he needs to talk to me about in person. They’re making an exception for me to come see him today.” Sasha rubs her forehead. “That’s not normal, Mel.”
“O…kay,” Melanie says slowly. “You usually…can’t visit him whenever you want? What, is it a prison or something?”
Sasha winces, remembering that Melanie wasn’t part of the team when she told them. “Yes, actually. He’s in HMP Pentonville.”
Melanie covers her mouth with a hand. “Oh, God, Sasha, why didn’t you shut me up? My big mouth—”
“It’s fine. You didn’t know.” Sasha manages a smile. “But yeah. I don’t know what he’s in for, but if he wants to see me today, and they’re letting me…whatever’s going on can’t be good.”
“Can you, like—” Melanie wiggles her fingers in the universal gesture of mystical bullshit. “—Know what it is?”
“I mean…maybe? I’m trying really hard not to use that outside of…you know, work. I don’t want to risk falling too deeply into it, or—or hurting myself, or someone else.” Sasha sighs. “I think it might be too far away, though. Honestly, I think the only way to find out what’s going on is to go out there myself.”
“Go out where?”
The voice makes both Sasha and Melanie jump. She looks up quickly to see Martin coming towards them, a bag of leftovers dangling from one hand. He looks about like he’s looked since Jon left—tired, worried, and faintly stressed. “Martin, Jesus. Heard from Jon yet?”
“Yeah, did you not see the text?” Martin frowns at her slightly. “I thought he sent it to the group chat.”
Now that she thinks about it, Sasha remembers hearing a slight beep while she was on her phone call, but she didn’t think about it twice. She checks her phone and sees two new texts—one from Jon saying he was changing buses, one from Tim asking what he was changing them into. Rolling her eyes fondly, she sets it down. “No, I—I was on the phone. My uncle called. He wants to see me today.”
“Oh.” Martin’s expression is one of mingled sympathy and concern. “Is everything okay?”
“I don’t know. That’s what we were talking about. I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t want to…you know.” Sasha makes the same gesture Melanie made a few moments ago.
Martin nods in understanding. “Did you have anything time-sensitive you were doing today?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Then I don’t think Jon would mind you taking the rest of the day off. I know you won’t be able to get to Pentonville and back in the span of your lunch break, and this seems…kind of important.” Martin reaches over and squeezes Sasha’s hand gently. “Let us know if you need anything.”
Sasha smiles and squeezes back. “Thanks, Martin. I’ll keep you all posted.”
An hour later, she’s seated in a room at the prison, jiggling her foot nervously and waiting. It’s one of the small, private rooms usually set aside for attorneys to consult with their clients, which is unusual; normally she has to conduct her visits in a loud, noisy room with a Plexiglas divider between them. A private conversation, on a weekday, out of the clear blue sky? Either something has gone terribly wrong or she’s been lied to.
There’s a familiar whirring sound, and Sasha reaches into her pocket to pull out the tape recorder. She very most definitely did not have this with her when she left; she shut it in her desk drawer before heading out, and it hadn’t been in her pocket when they searched her. She hopes she won’t get in trouble for having it.
As the thought crosses her mind, the door opens and, with a clank of chains, a figure is escorted in. A gruff voice instructs her to buzz for help if there’s an issue, and then the door closes and leaves the two of them alone together.
There’s another clank as the man leans forward, smiling hopefully. “Sasha.”
Sasha smiles back, genuinely pleased but worried at the same time. “Hello, Uncle Wade.”
The family resemblance between them is obvious. Both of them have the same facial structure, the same shape to their eyes, the same skin tone. They’d looked enough alike once to switch places, when Sasha was eighteen and going through a phase and shaved her head. Now, though, after almost a decade in prison, Wade Copper looks old enough to be her father—gaunt, thin, his once-dark hair almost solid grey despite the fact that he’s only in his mid-forties. Every time she’s seen him, he’s tried to smile for her, tried to stay cheerful as he asks about her work, tried to convince her things aren’t so bad for him, but she knows. She can see the weight of imprisonment bearing him down.
Today, though, is different. Today his eyes are sparkling, his smile seems real, and he seems to be barely keeping something contained. She has no idea what it is, but it seems like he’s…excited.
Sudden panic strikes her, and she very quickly throws up those mental blocks Jon Prime has been teaching them. The absolute last thing she wants is to take the surprise away from the man who’s had so few to give her over the years.
“Is everything okay?” she asks instead. “You said we needed to talk and—”
“No, no, everything’s fine. Everything’s fine,” Wade assures her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—I wasn’t trying to scare you. I just had some news for you. It could have—are you on your lunch break? Do we need to—”
“I took the afternoon off. My boss is out of town at the moment, so the three—well, the four of us, we’ve got a new coworker—we’re sort of running things ourselves. When the others found out you wanted to talk to me, they suggested I just call it a day. We’ve got all the time in the world.” Sasha smiles. “What’s going on?”
Wade’s smile broadens. “I’m coming home.”
It takes Sasha a second to process that, and then she sits up straighter. “You’re getting released?”
“I heard back from the parole board this morning. I didn’t tell you I was going up because I didn’t want to get your hopes up, but I had the hearing a few weeks ago. Today I got word that they’ve decided I’m a good candidate for release.”
“That’s—that’s wonderful!” Sasha says.
Wade’s smile slips, just a little. “You don’t sound so sure about that. What’s the matter, Puddle-Duck?”
It’s been forever and a day since he called her that—an old family nickname bestowed on her after her favorite bedtime story, the one she used to beg to be read over and over. She’d trailed after her Uncle Wade “like a little duckling” from the time she could walk, and the “duckling” nickname had eventually morphed into Puddle-Duck. He hasn’t used it since she was about twelve, though, and hearing it now almost makes her cry.
“Nothing,” she says, unconvincingly. “It’s just—there’s a lot going on. That’s all.”
“I won’t be an imposition,” Wade says earnestly. “I’ve managed to save up a bit while I’ve been in here from the work I’ve been doing in the prison library. I should be able to get a place. I won’t be in your way—”
“No, it’s not that at all!” Sasha feels horribly guilty. “I’d be happy to have you stay with me. Of course I would. I’ve got loads of space and—and I’ve missed you so much. It’s just that…”
It’s just that the world might end in a year if they can’t stop it. It’s just that she’s trying to figure out a way to pretend to stop a ritual that she knows won’t succeed even if they do nothing without letting the man who does have a ritual that will work know she knows it. It’s just that she’s developing incredibly invasive psychic powers and doesn’t know if she can live with another person who doesn’t know about it. It’s just that the world is objectively terrifying and she doesn’t know if she can lie about it to the only family she has left or let him believe he’s safe.
“It’s just that there’s been a lot going on in the world since you’ve been in here,” she finally says. “I—I worry that you might—that it might be a lot for you to adjust to.”
“Hey, I raised you, didn’t I?” Wade teases. “If I can handle losing my sister and my parents in one fell swoop, especially to…that, and then turn a six-year-old into a relatively functional adult despite barely having passed my A-levels when I started, I think I can handle anything the world thinks it can throw at me. Bring it on.”
Sasha’s whole body tingles. She clasps her hands together tightly to hide the shaking and focuses very hard on that mental block. There’s something there. A secret. A story. Something in the way he said that has the Eye’s attention and it wants to use her. She can’t let it, she can’t…
“Sasha? Sasha, what’s wrong? Are you—Christ, I’m sorry.” Wade reaches for her hands, manacles jangling, then grunts as the chain binding him to the table stops them halfway. “I shouldn’t have brought that up, I shouldn’t have—are you still having that nightmare?”
Sasha can’t help the slightly brittle laugh that escapes her lips. “I don’t have room for my own nightmares anymore, Uncle Wade. Especially ones in red-on-black binary.”
Wade frowns at her in evident confusion. “What do you mean? Who else’s nightmares would you have?”
Shit, Sasha thinks. “It’s a long story. And I don’t think you’d believe it.”
“It’s you, Sash. I’d believe you if you said the sky was green. Anyway, after what I’ve seen, trust me, there’s not much that’s unbelievable.”
Sasha looks hard at her uncle, then glances at the recorder, spinning away. She should have known. Should have realized that if it’s turning on, there’s something he’s seen. He’s been touched by one of the Fears. And she can’t—she can’t—
“It’s got to do with work,” she finally says. “Part of the Archive job—when I, when I listen to people tell me about something they’ve encountered or seen or, or done, if it’s something that really happened…I end up dreaming about it. I’ve only got a couple, but…it does mean I haven’t had any dreams of my own since I started doing that.”
Wade blinks at her. Softly, he says, “So it is real. I knew it.”
“What, the paranormal?”
“Not just that.” Wade hesitates. “I never—I never told you how I wound up here, did I?”
“No, just—you said it was something to do with you hacking into something you shouldn’t have,” Sasha says slowly. “You never explained.”
“Truthfully, I never fully understood it much beyond what I told you. I don’t even know exactly what I did hack into,” Wade says, a bit ruefully. “I suppose it was the culmination of a project, in a sense, but—it wasn’t intentional.”
“What do you mean?”
Wade takes a deep breath. “The short version? I was hunting a computer virus, trying to trace where it came from. I suppose the path led through something I shouldn’t have been looking at and I got arrested. It fell enough under the Official Secrets Act that they could justify locking me up for it. But I swear, Sash, just like I’ve been telling everyone for years, I wasn’t hacking for secrets. I was trying to save lives.”
“I believe you,” Sasha says, because she does. If there’s anyone in the world she trusts completely, it’s her uncle. And really, this is the most mundane thing she’s been asked to believe in ages. “I just don’t—I don’t understand how tracing a computer virus can save lives. Unless it was infecting hospital computers or something like that.”
“No, that would have made sense.” Wade sighs. “Computer viruses aren’t supposed to be able to infect humans, but…this one did. O-or something like that. I honestly don’t know how to explain it, but…well, if working at that institute of yours is giving you other people’s nightmares, maybe you’ll know better than I do.” He ponders for a moment. “That’s probably a big part of why I got locked up, honestly. I couldn’t explain why I was hunting the computer virus without sounding insane, so I didn’t try. I mean, what was I supposed to say? ‘Yes, Your Honor, I wasn’t even aware of what system I was in, I was just looking for the origin of a bit of coding that killed my entire family’?”
Sasha freezes. The static in her mind gets louder and more insistent. “I don’t understand,” she says with difficulty, rather afraid that she does. He’s right, computer viruses aren’t supposed to infect humans, so if one did…it must belong to one of the Fears. She just can’t imagine which one.
Wade hesitates. “I—I don’t—Sasha, Puddle-Duck, if you don’t—you don’t remember what happened, do you?”
“To Mum and Dad? No.” The doctor said it was to be expected; she was six years old at the time, and it had been a rough experience. She had blacked out most of it, and honestly a lot of her memories from before that point as well. She remembers huddling in a closet with her teddy bear clutched tightly to her chest, hearing her uncle screaming her name, clinging to him tightly after he found her, both of them sobbing as he promised over and over that he would protect her, that he would never leave her, but for the life of her, she can’t remember what she was hiding from. The nightmare she had for years, one that made her wake up screaming almost until she left for uni, hadn’t been specific. She just remembers strings of ones and zeros in constantly shifting columns, blood-red on a black background, scrolling past her vision, but something in the code is terrifying and wrong…
“I don’t want you to have those nightmares.” Wade reaches for her hands again, looking conflicted. “You deserve to know, but…but if your job means that if people tell you those stories, you’ll dream about them too—I’ve had to train myself out of waking up screaming. It’s bad. I don’t want to do that to you, too.”
“It’s not—it’s not exactly like that.” Sasha wonders how to phrase it, then decides, to hell with it. He says he’ll believe her. She might as well tell the truth. It’s not like they’re being recorded by anything other than the spooling tapes, and there aren’t exactly eyes around for Elias to watch through, as far as she knows. She takes her uncle’s hands. “There’s a being…a thing that thrives on fear. I mean, there are a lot of them, but there’s one in particular that lives off of the fear of—of knowledge and secrets being exposed and being watched and all that.”
Wade gives a bitter laugh. “It must love prisons then.”
“In fact, the Institute is built over the remains of the old Millbank Prison, probably right where Smirke was testing out the panopticon design. And that’s the thing. The Institute…kind of belongs to that being. Which means I do, too.” Sasha takes a deep breath. “Sometimes I can—I can tell secrets without trying. I’m not right now,” she adds hastily. “I’ve been working on not…accidentally reading people’s minds or whatever. But the other part of it is the statements. When people tell us their stories and we dream about them? We’re not taking the place of the person dreaming about them. We’re…watching, I guess. Observing. We’re just…there.” She squeezes Wade’s hands. “So if you tell me, Uncle Wade, and I do end up sharing your nightmares, maybe it’ll be better. Because then you won’t have to look at them alone.”
Wade stares at her for a long moment, then nods slowly. “Okay,” he whispers. “Okay. I’ll tell you. You need to know, anyway.”
Sasha smiles, as reassuringly as she can, and glances at the tape recorder. “Do you want to make this…official? I can do, um, I can do the whole spiel we do at the Institute. Put it on the record. We can do some research, maybe.”
“Will it help?”
“It might.”
“Then…okay. Lay it on me.”
Sasha puts the tape recorder between them and takes her uncle’s hands again. Clearly, she says, “Statement of Wade Copper, regarding a murderous computer virus. Recorded direct from subject, twenty-first March, 2017.” She nods at her uncle. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Wade swallows. “Right. Well, you know I’ve always been into computers. I loved coding and programming and seeing what I could do. One of my favorite things to code up were the games, especially interactive fiction. I subscribed to a couple magazines where people would publish the codes for games they’d developed, and I would put them in and play them. I owned a couple that I bought commercially, too. One of the ones I had that I was most excited about was The Hound of Shadows. The story sounded right up my alley—a proper creepy one—but it turned out to have one of the worst parsers I’ve ever seen, and I struggled to finish it. I was crushed.
“I was looking around for something that was like that but…better? Tried my hand at coding it myself, but you know me, I’ve never been all that at coming up with a story of my own. Did a couple reasonably decent games based on a few of the stories I liked, but it wasn’t the same. Around the time I was finishing up my A-levels, some classmates and I were talking about interactive fiction, and I was complaining about Hound. That’s when one of my mates told me about a game he’d recently come across. He said he couldn’t finish it because it was too scary for him, but he thought I’d like it. It was called The Conqueror Worm.”
As he talks, Wade’s eyes go vacant and his shoulders slack; it’s like the words are pouring out of him independent of his will. Sasha never takes her eyes off him. The story fills her the same way Basira’s did, the same way Tim and Martin’s tale of the Not-Them did, the same way that man with the dog’s story did last week. She’s just aware enough of the situation to feel guilty about it, but she can’t stop him now if she tries.
“I managed to get my hands on a copy,” Wade continues. “As soon as I’d finished my exams, but while I was still waiting for the results to come back, I loaded it up on our computer. My friend was right—it was exactly what I was looking for. Interactive fiction. According to the cover, it was ‘loosely’ based on the Edgar Allan Poe poem, which I’d never heard at that point, but if it was Poe I knew it’d be spooky. The story was wonderful, the parser was the best I’d ever seen. Sometimes it was like talking to a real person—like that one Sergey Ushanka bot you and I spent the evening with when you were eight, you remember?” Sasha nods. “Anyway, I was really into it. The idea was that you were the manager of a theater that was putting on a new play, but something was trying to sabotage it, something inhuman and unholy. Started off normal enough, got creepy right fast. I had this constant sense of creeping dread. I loved it.
“The weird thing about this one, though, was that every so often you’d start to do something and suddenly three pixels would turn red. Always three, two in one row and one in between them in the row immediately above or below, and then they’d switch places a few times before disappearing. At first I thought it was a glitch. Then I realized it was intentional, that it was something to do with commands. I finally figured out that if the pixels appeared, you’d done something right.
“I started tracking the commands and decisions that got the wiggling pixels to appear, then started doing them more. Better. Started getting two, three, four at a time. I was sure it meant I was going to win. By the time I got to ‘opening night’ of the play, I could generally make upwards of ten appear every time I made the right choices.  The thing is that ‘opening night’ was the big climax of the game, and there was only one command you could type: ‘The Show Must Go On’. Once you typed that, the play started and you watched to see if you got it right. You wanted to see the ‘play’, but I knew it was a horror game, so I told you to let me watch it first, and if it wasn’t too scary, you and I would play on Saturday. You pretended to accept that, but I knew you were angry. I could hear you yelling halfway across the house. At the time, I kind of thought it was funny, actually.”
Sasha vaguely remembers this now. She was bitterly disappointed—Uncle Wade always let her “help” with his games—so she waited until she was out of the room, then stomped off to the living room where her parents and grandparents were playing a card game and loudly declared that he was the meanest meanie to ever mean. Her mother laughed and said he was always like that, and her grandfather swept her onto his lap and offered to let her be his partner, until…
“What happened then?” she asks.
Wade takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I typed in the command, and I watched. The ‘play’ started, and…there was a voice. Reciting a poem. I guess it was the Poe poem. The ‘actors’ were performing along to the words, but then I noticed the wiggling pixels. One by one, slowly at first, then more and more. They started in the corners, then gradually started moving inwards. But see, amid the mimic rout, a crawling shape intrude. While I was watching, the wiggling pixels crept in an ever-increasing wave towards the ‘stage.’ That’s when I realized it was all the ones I’d been rewarded with for making the right choices. The voice got louder and more desperate-sounding, and then the pixels—I finally realized they were supposed to be worms—swarmed the ��actors’ and…the screen went red, and then it went black. All the while the voice was still talking. And then it was just the black screen, with the text in blood red, appearing as the voice spoke the words.”
He swallows hard. “I—I looked up the poem. Later. It’s a real poem, ‘The Conqueror Worm’. The plot does follow the…events of the final scene of the game, up to a point. It’s a play, and then a worm—or in the game’s case, many worms—shows up and eats all the actors. The last four lines are…chilling.” He closes his eyes and recites, “And the angels, all pallid and wan, / Uprising, unveiling, affirm / That the play is the tragedy ‘Man,’ / And its hero the Conqueror Worm.”
A chill runs up Sasha’s spine. “I know that poem. He used it in ‘Ligeia’.”
“Maybe. But what got me…what really spooked me at the time, was that the words on the screen weren’t…right. I didn’t know that at the time. I thought it odd. But the voice spoke them, exactly as they appeared on the screen. Instead of ‘The play is the tragedy “Man”’…it said, ‘The play is the tragedy “Guy Copper.”’ The voice even said Dad’s name. I remember thinking that was a creepy coincidence. And then…”  Wade takes another deep breath, and there are tears in his eyes. “I heard a noise from another room, like someone shouting. I turned to look, and when I turned back, the words were changing, morphing almost. Computers didn’t work like that back then, Sash, the graphics weren’t—I know you know that. But it was like the name blurred. And then the voice said those four lines again, but with the new name. And the angels, all pallid and wan, / Uprising, unveiling, affirm / That the play is the tragedy ‘Mary Copper,’ / And its hero the Conqueror Worm.”
The memories are starting to come back. A red wash fills her mind, then the screaming, then her mother pushing her away…oh, God. “And the next name—the next name was ‘Marjorie James’?”
“Yes,” Wade whispers. “And that’s when the screaming started. I was screaming, too. I was—I was convinced it was the game, that it was—I kept hitting keys, backspacing over and over, typing EXIT and hitting the Escape key and—nothing worked. It shifted from Margie’s name to Hugh’s, and…I thought about how many worms had been on the screen, how many ‘successes’ I thought I’d had, and I was suddenly terrified. It started to change again, and I—I dove under the table and I pulled the plug. The sound died. The light died. The screaming stopped, all at once.
“I went running and—and I found them. Mum and Dad, Margie and Hugh, all sprawled around the card table. They were all dead. They were—they were full of worms, Sasha. Blood-red ones. I didn’t know if they’d been red before they…” Wade inhales shakily and looks away. The tears are rolling down his face now. “I called 999, I was trying to tell them what had happened, but—but then I realized I couldn’t find you. I shouted at the poor woman to hurry and I dropped the phone and went looking for you. I was terrified that I’d been too late…but there you were, hiding in my closet with your teddy bear. You had blood on your arms and chest, but you weren’t hurt, and I—oh, God, Sasha. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” Sasha whispers. “It’s not. I wish—I’m so sorry, Uncle Wade.”
They both cling to each other’s hands for a moment, crying silently. Finally, Wade takes a deep breath and frees one hand to wipe his eyes. “Anyway, that’s…I couldn’t really explain it to people when they showed up. Just that I’d heard screaming and…the worms were gone by then, but it was obvious. I told a few lies about how old I was and managed to get them to let me take care of you instead of putting you in a home, and for a while everything was fine. Then…just after you left for uni, I was debugging a computer for someone who’d downloaded a game off an FTP server and picked up some sort of virus. When I went into the code, I discovered a secondary virus underneath the main one and went to dig it out. I thought it was a dead-man switch of some kind—you know, remove the main virus, trigger the second one—so I was going to take that one out first. But then I realized it was just some metadata. I would have just deleted it without a second thought, except that I recognized the words. It was those same four lines, the last lines of ‘The Conqueror Worm’, except that it had a name I didn’t know as the name of the ‘play’.”
Another chill runs up Sasha’s spine. “You’re sure you didn’t know it?”
“I didn’t, but my client did. I asked him about it when I gave him his computer back, and he said it was his girlfriend’s name, she was out of town on a trip. I told him to give her a call, and he looked at me kind of funny, but said he would.” Wade sighs. “I looked her up a couple times. Two days later her obituary popped up.”
“You’re saying—”
“I’m saying that once is happenstance, twice is coincidence. But I kept my eyes open, and a few months later, I saw the words again. Different computer, different name, same results,” Wade tells her. “I started tracing it. It’s a—well, it’s a worm, in the truest sense of the word, but I was sure if I could trace its path, figure out where it came from, I could stop it from spreading. Seven or eight years ago, though, I…guess I went through something I wasn’t supposed to, got caught, and wound up here.” He sighs heavily and sits back, blinking. “And…that’s it. I still call it the Conqueror Worm, but…I couldn’t stop it. It’s still out there.”
“I don’t think you can stop it,” Sasha says slowly. Several things slot into place in her mind. When Tim looked at all of them and described the colors he saw on them, he’d mentioned that Sasha had the same sick yellow-green as Martin and Jon Prime faintly woven over her upper torso, but she had just assumed it was from her encounter with Timothy Hodge, the first night she met Michael. Now she realizes the mark he described is too big to be from a single worm, and that the Corruption marked her much more thoroughly than that. She might have to get Tim to take a look at the tape now that she’s made it, but…she’s pretty sure she’s right.  “I think this thing came from—from one of the other fear beings. I’d have to look in the Archives to see if there’s a way to destroy it. There might be, I don’t know. But I do know that you wouldn’t have been able to destroy it on your own. Not without succumbing to the power that it fuels.”
“Sash.” Wade grips her hand tightly. “Are you in danger? If you…belong to one of these powers. Will it hurt you?”
“Maybe. Probably,” Sasha admits. “Someday. I don’t know. It’s—it’s all a bit complicated. I don’t know for sure.” She pauses and reconsiders. “I don’t think it will actively hurt me. But I don’t think it cares if I live or die, in the long run.”
Wade’s face was a study in fear and sorrow. “And it’s from working at the Magnus Institute,” he says. It’s not really a question. “You never would have done that if it wasn’t for me. I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know about that,” Sasha says. “Maybe. Maybe not. My project with the EPCC was shutting down anyway, so I don’t know where I would have ended up, but the Magnus Institute was hiring. Maybe I wouldn’t have stayed as long as I did, maybe I’d have looked for another job outside of London eventually, but…honestly, Uncle Wade, as much as I’ve always loved snooping and ferreting out secrets? I think I would have ended up bound to it anyway. At least this way I kind of know what’s going on enough to mitigate the damage.”
Wade shakes his head slowly. “I just…don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t,” Sasha promises, even though she knows she can’t really promise that. But he’s all the family she has left, he gave up his future so that she could have one, and she’ll do anything she can to make sure she doesn’t waste that. “I’ll tell you everything when you come home. When will that be?”
“Two weeks. The first of April. Is that enough time for—I mean, will you be okay if I—”
“Yes,” Sasha interrupts him. “Of course. Tell me what you need and I’ll get it all set up.”
Wade smiles slowly, the hopeful look back in his eyes. He laces his fingers through hers and squeezes.
“We’ll be all right,” he tells her. “Family looks out for each other. I promise, Puddle-Duck, I will do anything I can to protect you.”
Sasha smiles back and returns the squeeze. She doesn’t tell her uncle that she’s grown up a little beyond his ability to protect her, or that she might need to be the one protecting him. Right about now, she really wants to let him wrap her in a blanket and a hug and promise her that everything will be all right again.
She might even let herself believe him.
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mobagehelllocal · 4 years
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“i can hold the world in my hands” extra notes i - vi:
My god... it’s been more than a month since I started writing for TWST, and this was what started it all.  I hope I can keep writing, and not just for TWST for that matter! I have like... one non-TWST request sitting in my inbox and I’m really excited to work on it xD
*please do not read if you haven’t read “i can hold the world in my hands” ver i - vi.
This was actually inspired by a prompt of the same name in a different fandom. I’m pretty sure it was Fire Emblem, but I can’t seem to find or remember which blog posted about it. When I saw that nobody had written it for TWST yet, and because I was pretty impatient, I went full Thanos and thought: “fine I’ll do it myself.” xD
Whenever I type ‘hold’ it autocorrects to (ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿. It’s one of those keyboard short cut things on my phone that somehow is also on my laptop lmao. So this series was pretty difficult to right because ‘hold’ kept changing to (ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿ 
For ver i, the order of writing was something like Riddle, Leona, Azul, Malleus, Kalim, Idia and Vil.
Riddle was super easy for this prompt, honestly. I wanted it to be incredibly cute, and the best way to do that was to just... fluster him. 
I tried to be very descriptive for this one. I wanted his surprise to be the highlight of this story. I especially enjoyed differentiating the red on Riddle’s face hahah--from pretty shade of red to furious HAHA.
Riddle strikes me as a super logical type. So he really won’t believe it’s possible until you show him how to hold the world. He also sees it as very high praise--that to think--you saw him as your world. Every time he thinks about it, he probably goes beet red. 
When I wrote Leona’s part, I was still actually pretty iffy with him. I’ve noted before that he was far from my favourite hahah. However, just because that’s how I felt, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do my hardest to give him justice. Looking back on this piece, I appreciate it a lot because Leona’s definitely got a soft spot in my heart now--this piece being one such catalyst that made me appreciate him more. 
One of my primary concerns with this piece, was not only ensuring that I did him justice, but also to make sure that none of my personal feelings affected how i wrote Leona. I like to think I was pretty successful--as I read it now, I wonder how I could’ve actually disliked Leona at any point. (I MEAN... that ending IS PRETTY THIRSTY. I wonder what I was thinking kFKFK)
Leona... is another logical one, and he’s not going to be patient with you. So he’s just going to immediately call out the impossibility of “holding the world in your hands.” However, when you do talk about what you actually mean... Leona would actually be moved. He loves how you acknowledge him--that you see him. 
The Azul piece was written closely after I had watched the entirety of Octavinelle, and I could see all my thirst for the Octavinelle trio on it. That’s right, from the very beginning, I loved to enjoy hinting at Poly!Octavinelle. I’ll likely continue to hint it actually... unless requested otherwise. 
Azul has one of the biggest praise kinks around (Riddle and Jamil have it too), and of course something as sweet as “i can hold the world in my hands” is going to set Azul off running for his octopus pot. Also, he cries very easily--like when he’s too happy and too sad. Azul’s story in this is definitely my favourite, because I just genuinely had such a good time working on it. 
His reaction--his affection for you is likely to lead him to listen to what you have to say first before saying anything else. That’s why unlike Riddle and Leona, he actually heard you out instead of telling you immediately that what you’re saying “is impossible.” 
This prompt and Kalim worked really well honestly. Kalim is just so much positivity, so writing his reaction to this was so easy, and it flowed so much quicker than I thought it would. 
Kalim... honestly, he wrote himself hAHAH. It was easy to know that he’d immediately try to say it back to you--because he’s that sweet. Also, I quoted “A Whole New World” in this story. I wonder if anyone spotted it. 
His reaction--well, it was obvious that he would believe you without a doubt. xD Sure he probably knows it’s not possible, so he’s more than willing to hear you out on it. 
Because Vil was a model, I thought to approach this piece in a, “what can I say that he hasn’t heard yet?” I also wanted to approach this with a certain sensitivity--to Vil’s job as a model. The importance of respecting his craft, sort of thing.
Vil so far... has just been portrayed as being perfect. He’s good looking, he’s smart, he’s charismatic...so it’s obvious to everyone that there’s something deeper to him that we haven’t gotten to see yet. This makes it difficult to write him, because we haven’t gotten Pomefiore’s chapter yet. 
Vil is someone who I figure would be smart enough to wonder if you’re speaking in a metaphorical or literal sense. I can’t remember where it’s mentioned, but if I remember correctly--Vil considers being intelligent a part of being beautiful too. (I’m so genuinely excited for Pomefiore’s chapter because I need to sink my hands into all that lore). 
The reason I think Idia is much easier to write compared to Vil is because he exemplifies the introverted gamer trope so much. His personality is so clear cut, and loud. 
Idia is also pretty fun to write, because of the way he regards the world, and how he sort of deals with everything around him.
For Idia’s reaction, I figured he’d tend to go for gamer terms, hence he thought you could code too lmao. He also tended to process things as if his life is a game, hence his thought process as he figured out what you were trying to say. 
Malleus, because of both his age and prowess, strikes me as the type of person who could do every single type of magic with barely a blink. That’s why I thought to use that as the primary theme for his story.
I thought it would be adorable if you told Malleus, you could do something he couldn’t. Which, as you can see in Malleus’s thoughts--you are a powerful influence to him as well. You could perhaps, destroy the world, if you told Malleus it made you unhappy. 
Malleus’s reaction... he’d humor you, but at the same time, he’d be the one to gently attempt to tell you it’s impossible. If he couldn’t do it, how could you? Of course... he’s quickly corrected. 
Ver ii was written in the order it was arranged! Quite a rarity for me. So Deuce first, followed by Jade, Floyd then Silver. I consider version ii as the one stuffed with personal favourites hahah. Though... Deuce was actually written for my editor hahha. 
I wanted Deuce’s piece to be both funny and cute since it was dedicated to our very hardworking editor hahaha. 
Of course Deuce would not immediately understand what you were trying to say hahaha. Look... he thought the unfertilized eggs would turn into chicks. 
The decision to make him say it back, was fueled by the fact that Deuce is an all around nice guy--he’d definitely want to return the favour. 
The Jade one was really just written for my sake hAHHA. I wrote it because I was super smitten with Jade. I always wrote Jade as the type of lover who enjoyed to pamper the hell out of his partner. This could often make it feel like he’s the one doing everything in the relationship.
That became the primary way I wanted to approach this story, by once more--making it about the reader doing something for Jade, or essentially showing him how much he meant to the reader. I also wanted to find a way to make Jade blush. 
Much like Azul, he’s willing to humor/hear you out first before saying anything else. He’s always interested in what you have to say, and he enjoys your more unpredictable opinions. 
Honestly, who wouldn’t want to cuddle with Floyd? He (and Jade) probably give the best hugs. 
My thoughts for this, was--when would be the best time to tell Floyd something like that? You wanted him calm enough to actually listen to you, so I figured it be when he was particularly sad and in need of cheering up.
On another note, I felt like Floyd isn’t really the type to listen nor care about you saying such a statement. You only really get all his attention when you explain to him what you mean. 
I’m so biased to Octavinelle, I’m so sorry hAHAH. But honestly, it happened by complete accident that both their stories happened in the bedroom ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) 
Silver is... aesthetically very pleasing. However, there’s little we know of him so I also had a lot of difficulty writing for him. That being said, because he was a character who fell asleep pretty quickly, I of course thought it would be incredibly cute to have the “lap pillow” situation happen. 
For this piece, I thought to talk about my worry for Silver. That he falls asleep just anywhere is a little scary. He fell asleep in a place as noisy as the courtyard... so I thought to express that worry through the reader for this piece. 
Silver does, however, strike me as the type of person to always listen to you first before making a judgement. That’s why upon being told that you could hold the world, he’ll listen to you first. 
Ver iii was just solely Jamil! 
Jamil is another one of those characters who prefer to do the pampering instead of being pampered. So I thought to write a reader who was grateful, and wanted to show their appreciation to him.
For this piece, I also really wanted to fluster the hell out of Jamil. I mean, who doesn’t like making the calm, controlled one blush? It’s insanely cute.
While Jamil does say he doesn’t believe in it, he is always willing to hear you out. 
Ver iv is Ruggie, Rook and Lilia! I think Lilia was written first, followed by Ruggie then Rook. 
For Ruggie... I think I was a little stumped on how to write him. So I think I searched up how hyenas greeted each other. Apparently, they sniffed each other. So I thought it would be cute that Ruggie liked to scent you. 
I made him get a little jealous because Floyd’s very affectionate--even if you aren’t in a relationship with him. 
Ruggie--I thought would give you the benefit of the doubt--and think that there was actually magic in your world hahah. Until you tell him what you truly meant.
I’ve probably said this a billion times at this point, but god is Rook hard to write for hahah. Nevertheless, I keep writing him anyways because I enjoy the challenge. 
I thought that Rook’s story becomes the opposite to Ruggie’s, wherein the reader is the one who wants to ensure that Rook is also looking/paying attention to them, 
Rook wasn’t actually paying attention to you when you were saying “i can hold the world in my hands”, he only really does notice when you repeat it twice. He’s a guy I think you have to be firm with, if you want to get your point across.
Lilia is a character that I’m sure is pretty self-assured, and aware of what he wants. This means, that he’s actually a pretty huge tease to the other person in the relationship. This isn’t necessarily a romantic headcanon either. I can see him teasing his friends too.
I also highlighted immortality again, how Lilia is rarely surprised. That you are capable of surprising him means a lot to him actually. 
Lilia, I think, is the type of person who is willing to lean new things from people younger than him. That’s why when you state you can hold the world, he’s willing to believe you. 
Ver v is Trey!
Say it with me everyone, Trey is the sexiest student at NRC lmao. That smirk??? of his??? SENDS ME? It’s also why I made him smirk so much in this. Hey, I had to feed myself too.
How could I forget Trey? Trey is the third person in the “i will pamper the hell out of my lover” with Jade and Jamil. Trey would be another one who actually enjoys teasing the hell out of you too.
Trey is another one who won’t believe you, but will be willing to hear you out because you’re just so cute, and he wants to hear what you think.
Ver vi is Ace, Jack, Epel and Sebek. I think I wrote Ace, then Sebek, Jack with Epel being the last one. 
Ace strikes me as a typical charismatic tease tbh. Like, he’s popular, and well known for being a troublemaker but everyone likes him anyways.
He’s not a person who blushes easily, so I think you really have to catch him unaware for him to blush. 
He’s the type of person to say something mean, then immediately apologize and retract it when he sees that it hurts you. So he’s normally blunt, but then back tracks. 
Jack isn’t a very affectionate person--neither is he the type to tell you how much he appreciates you. I believe it’s something you have to learn in the way he acts (aka, how hard he’s wagging his tail haha).
I think for a relationship with Jack, you have to really reach out to him because he doesn’t quite know how to reach back to you. Like he’ll certainly try, but he’s easily embarrassed... hence why I wrote him the way I did. 
Jack, once you told him you could ‘hold the world’ was initially confused, but sees no reason to not believe you unless you prove otherwise... essentially xD
Epel... super difficult as always. I wanted to talk about how he wasn’t very happy with how he looked. How he wanted to change himself. It was a topic I was worried about, because if mishandled, it would just leave a sour taste in people’s mouths.
I wanted to make the reader someone who wanted Epel to love himself, to accept his beauty and to use it as a source of strength. I want Epel to be comfortable in his own skin, and be able to use it to his advantage. This was really inspired by Lilia’s SR Lab Coat episodes actually. 
The reader is someone conscious about Epel’s struggles, and they want to get one thing across to Epel: that he can be beautiful and strong at the same time. Just because the may seem opposite, doesn’t mean they cannot coexist. 
Sebek... I feel like I discussed how I felt about Sebek some time ago. Essentially... I think that Sebek is someone who, in a romantic relationship, has to make a choice. His devotion and single minded adoration to Malleus makes him challenging to write romantically for. 
Unlike the other readers, Sebek’s uses the prompt to prove a point to him--that they chose him. Could he chose them too?
At the end, it’s not really about choosing one person, it’s more like--can Sebek understand the importance of being in a relationship? Can he understand that what you might share with him has value? Really, a question about his priorities. 
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gaelstudies-blog · 5 years
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1. Don’t beat yourself up about how fast you read or how you focus
I have a bad habit of thinking back to my childhood and remembering how quickly I could get through books. I could get through 2 or 3 in a day with little difficulty. And now I’m lucky if I can get through a book in a week. But remember that what you’re reading and how you read changes all the time. It’s likely you’ve progressed into more challenging and longer works, and it’s also likely that your brain is wanting to understand it deeper than you did as a child. Sometimes life gets in the way and we lose the ability to focus on specific things for long periods - and that’s okay! And sometimes, depending on our mental health or disabilities, we might not have that ability - and that’s okay too. But that doesn’t mean you’ll never find a method of making it work. It’s accepting and understanding your limitations and seeing what you can progress at. Accepting these things can help remove some of the stress that we build up and associate with reading. Stress can be a big factor in how we can focus.
2. Structure time into your day or week to read
You don’t need a completely structured timetable for each and every day (or you can if you want!), but giving yourself a minimum amount of time to read each day or week can be a great way to get yourself on track. If you’re struggling to hit a specific time each day, don’t be afraid of lowering it. Or breaking it up. You can set 30 minutes to read each day but that doesn’t mean you have to do it all in one go. You could break it into five or ten minute chunks here and there. You could also consider giving yourself a weekly goal instead. An hour or two of reading each week might not feel like progress, but being dedicated to returning to reading can help your mind focus on it and it’s likely you’ll end up progressing past it.
3. You don’t have to finish books
If you’re not enjoying reading something, unless you absolutely need to read it for an assignment, don’t force yourself to read it. Instead take a step back and find another book to work on instead. It doesn’t count as a failure to not enjoy something and want to read something else. It might suck if it’s a book you were looking forward to, cost a lot, or you want to work on reading goals but it’s okay, I promise you. And if you’re having to read it for an assignment break it up with reading something you enjoy also. Try and remove the association of reading with stress and unpleasant reading material.   
4. Set reasonable goals
I see people on Twitter being like “I want to get back into reading so I’m setting a reading challenge of 100 books for the year”. Whilst yes, some people do occasionally manage it or manage close to it a lot of them don’t. A lot of them get stressed about the challenge ahead and give up or feel like a failure. Be realistic, and set a low number at first. You can always go past it! But don’t just set yourself the challenge of ‘read more’ because that doesn’t mean anything. Give yourself a numbered goal that’s also timed. E.g. a book a month or twenty books in a year. This way you can feel motivated when you’re managing to progress the goal and accomplished when you succeed. 
5. Use Youtube, Goodreads and Tumblr as motivational tools 
There are lots of Youtube channels dedicated to talking about books, some of them can offer great advice and recommendations. I find that when I watch these videos I get really motivated to read and often pause their video to focus on something I’ve been meaning to read. Tumblr blogs also can post cosy aesthetic pictures of books, libraries, and reading spots that can put you in the mood. And there’s plenty of people happy to give book recommendations. Using this can help you find something you would be really interested in reading and you can join the community and get support and more. Goodreads also recommends a lot of good book suggestions, and you can read reviews - remember that reading reviews (and this post!) counts as reading. Get involved in different reading communities where you can support one another, chat about books and more. You’ll find that you’re likely to return to reading more frequently when you’re associating it with fun and friendships. Make your own videos and posts, you don’t have to share them but it can be a great way to think about what you’re reading and put yourself in the ‘I want to read’ mindset.
6. Struggling with focusing on fiction? Try non-fiction 
If you’re struggling to find good non-fiction books to read, and find that these aren’t keeping your interest - that’s okay! Think about your interests and see what non-fiction books are out there about your topic. These might take longer to read because of how packed with information they are, but you might find that you’ll be so interested in a topic that you can focus on it a lot better. And you might get more motivation from being aware that you’re learning something. 
7. Be aware of your surroundings
Is it really noisy around you? Is your TV, laptop, phone etc in your view? Try changing up your environment. Put electronics away, find a quieter place to study or alternatively try some music on in the background, you might have to experiment with what music you put on but this helps me focus with my reading and writing. And I know others who say the same, but likewise what works for some people (or a lot of people!) might  not work for you. Try experimenting with your ideal environment and you’ll find that you can focus a lot better.
8. Don’t read books just so you’re not missing out
It can be easy to want to read something because lots of people are talking about it and you want to join in. But if it’s not something that you’re actually interested in, it might be worth giving it a miss and focusing on things that you’re actually more interested in. Although in saying that, sometimes it can be a good idea to push ourselves to try something out of our comfort zone and you might be pleasantly surprised! Just remember point 3.
9. People have different capabilities
This might seem like an obvious one, and it’s one that we definitely all know, but we can still find ourselves comparing anyway. Some people can get through books quickly and have multiple books on the go at once. Others get in the habit of starting a new book every day. Whatever your style, it’s progress. With your eyes reading even just a page a day (or less) you are progressing. You are doing great! Some people have to use different methods if they want to engage with reading: audiobooks, Ebooks, etc and these definitely count. Take pride in your reading even if you’d rather be at a different level. Things take time to learn and you might find there’s people that look to your posts about reading (which you should make as a motivational tool!) with envy. 
10. It doesn’t have to be a book for it to count
I sometimes beat myself up because I haven’t read a lot of books in the past year. But then I remember reading 100 or so articles for university assignments and classroom lectures, I remember books I’ve flicked through to find important chapters to read. Those count! These count towards progress and are definitely beneficial. This post counts as reading! So don’t be afraid to put newspapers, homework reading materials, and longform blog posts into your reading count. Words on a page are words on a page regardless of what format it’s in.
You’re doing great, no matter how much or little progress you’re making, have faith in yourself.
Photo credit: XPLAI studio (CC BY-NC-ND 4.0)
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theaspiescribe · 4 years
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The 21st Night Of September
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Do you remember the 21st night of September? Well I most certainly do! A night when I made one of the biggest breakthroughs of my life. In virgo season, obviously.
There was a period of my life when I struggled to leave the house. If I did have to do it, I would incur a great physical toll. Panic attacks, exhaustion, stomach pain and the like. It would take days to feel normal again. It was not fun.  
It’s a curse to feel trapped inside your own home, inside your own mind. You see other people going out like it’s nothing, you remember a period in your own life, when it was nothing. You wonder how this is what has become of your life. You ask yourself why can’t it be different.
My despair was amplified by the fact I couldn’t see a way around this. How are you supposed to overcome a phobia of this sort when the phobia itself prevents you from getting the help you need? 
For so long, I felt helpless and because I couldn’t go out, I couldn’t make friends, so I was alone too. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that this was my reality. 
In addition to this I was dealing with a myriad of other issues both mental and physical. Now, when I look back I realise I was fighting hard to survive, that I was a lot stronger than I ever knew.
The turning point was a storm from the east, you may remember that they called it the Beast From The East. A snow storm of epic proportion, and as an admirer of snow, I was marveling at the intensity of it. I was electrified by the prospect of it.
We had another storm called Ophelia a few months before, but there was no snow and it was quite dangerous. This was a lot more exhilarating.  
Snow like this hadn’t been seen for years, since before my biggest issues emerged. It reminded me of a time in my life when things were peaceful and I lived a relatively happy life. 
I had always been mesmerised by how serene everything feels when it’s snowing. Looking up at the sky seeing the little snowflakes falling is always a soothing sight to behold. Everything just looks better with a thick blanket of pure white snow covering it, it looks cleaner, it looks neat. It sounds quieter, and in fact snow can absorb sound because it is so porous. 
That whole week I felt reinvigorated by the beauty of the snow, as if a whole new world was still within reach. 
As Elsa from Frozen once said:
Let it go, let it go Can't hold it back anymore Let it go, let it go Turn away and slam the door I don't care what they're going to say Let the storm rage on The cold never bothered me anyway
In a way, the snow storm was like a dimension between two worlds: An old one where I felt powerless to overcome my fears and a new one where I felt a surge of determination to fight back. No more moping or quitting, I whispered to myself. I knew the extent of the challenges that were ahead of me but I kept reminding myself to take it one day at a time and to just try my best. I will forever remember that storm, a beast in more ways than one. 
Mother’s day was very soon after The Beast and it provided the perfect opportunity to make my first foray into the wild. I wanted to buy her this specific laptop but it could only be bought in Navan. Even though this was truly uncharted territory for me I felt a calm and confidence at the prospect of going to do it. So, on that fateful Friday, my Dad and I embarked on a journey that would mark the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I had many false dawns before, but this time felt different, like there was actual substance behind it. 
Getting the laptop and interacting with the nice computer man was fine even despite his persistence that I buy anti-virus software. Anyway, what a resounding success I thought. Mission accomplished. But much to my chagrin, the drive had taken so long, I now had to use the bathroom. This was certainly not part of the plan because there was nothing more I hated than using public bathrooms, especially being trans. But again, instead of looking at this from the perspective that it’s an issue, I tried to look at it as another chance to make a breakthrough. 
McDonalds was the obvious choice. But the timing was far from ideal. It was a Friday evening, kids had just got out of school and it was busy and noisy. The beginning did not go well, there was this kids outdoor play area and I thought this was the entrance, but it in actual fact was not. In the past, I would have panicked, but I tried so hard to just roll with it. Anyway, thankfully the bathroom wasn’t an issue apart from some disconcerting roaring. Then I queued for food. Fuck I hate queues, absolutely loathe them. There was also a lot of very rowdy kids around excited about getting their food. My mind was in a state of panic by all the noise and movements. But I was struck by how calm on the outside I was, as chaotic as it felt inside, I could keep control on the outside.
On the journey home, as I sipped my ice cold beverage, I realised that I had shown an ice cool temperament to get through this first test. I felt a sense of pride and I told myself that the most difficult part was over now. I had taken the first step. Something to build upon.
In the subsequent months, I did indeed go on more adventures, to supermarkets and other shops. Gradually, it got easier but as with anything there were setbacks. Progress is never linear, I knew that better than anyone.
Then in July, I had stumbled upon an advertisement for Saturday Night Fever in the Bord Gáis Energy theatre. I had seen this musical with my sisters as a child in the Gaiety theatre and I had great memories of visits to the theatre with them. Of all the great things taken away from me, trips to the theatre ranked quite highly on the list. Was I really ready for something as overwhelming as this, I pondered? Probably not, but feeling bolder than usual, I decided to go for it, and got the tickets for my sisters birthday. The date? The 21st night of September. 
As the day approached, I was overcome by trepidation and was not feeling great physically. My migraines were making sleep difficult and I was worried that I wouldn’t feel physically able to do it. On the Friday morning, I felt okay, not great but okay. I’m going to do this, I told myself. 
And so the time came, and I was a bundle of nerves. This was probably the equivalent of a football player before a world cup final, or someone performing on broadway for the first time. My heart was beating so fast, my mind was going through a million different scenarios and I was having a hard time thinking straight. But on the surface, I looked calm and ready. Once again, I was impressed at this capacity to keep everything under control externally despite everything happening internally.
The hard part of course was still to come. As I walked into the theatre, I wondered to myself would I make it out again in one piece. The beginning did not go too badly at all, there was quite a spacious waiting area which I appreciated and the glorious view of the grand canal took my attention away from intrusive thoughts. The calm before the storm, I joked to myself.
And then it was showtime. This was my first time in the Bord Gáis Energy theatre, and my overall impression was a positive one. Thankfully we were seated near the back of the theatre. This was a strategic decision on my part, so I could make a quick getaway if it was necessary. Once the show started, it did indeed get a bit overwhelming, the noise and flashing lights were as jarring as expected, but I was enjoying the music a lot so I could put up with it. The most challenging bit was actually the sitting, I find it almost impossible to sit for extended periods of time and I was getting restless after about 10 minutes. By the end of the show, I had felt like I had aged 50 years but I made it. I came, I saw, I conquered. There was no sense of pride this time, just sheer exhaustion but once I had recovered, I realised what an achievement this was. I never thought I would have had the courage to do something like this again, but from somewhere I found it. What else could I do, I wondered to myself? 
But this is why I will always remember the 21st night of September, my soul truly was singin’ on that unforgettable night. You know it's alright, it's okay, we’ll live to see another day.
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greennct · 5 years
Text
johnny in a café
look at his lil face in this photo eye- !!!! anyway i love johnny i love cafés here u go i guess :))) i feel like this went on for so long i had to end it where i did, but it seems kind of unfinished to me, so if u want a part ii, lmk! 💞💖💘
(1.8k words, fluff,  johnny makes a dick joke, swearing as you can tell lmao)
song rec: coffee break by lucas & jonah nilsson y'all know i had to
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To be completely honest, you had never really cared for kpop idols.
Don’t get me wrong, you didn’t have anything against them, you had just always been too busy with your schoolwork to genuinely pay attention to one particular group, and aside from the huge hits which came on at every party, you couldn’t say you knew very much about the industry as a whole. It wasn’t that you disliked them, you just didn’t know enough about kpop to formulate an overall positive or negative opinion.
Maybe that was why your friend Minhyuk tolerated you working in SM’s café. He had scored the job there a few summers ago (”Due to my charming personality and unparalleled good looks,” he had informed you), and you were the only one in your friendship group that he had let in on the secret, presumably because of your indifference towards the company. You had been looking for a place to study in peace close to campus ever since your college days had commenced, and you decided that the café was an adequate spot. Since Minhyuk knew you weren’t concerned with idols’ lives, he was confident you wouldn’t cause trouble, and convinced his manager to let you stay there for hours, so long as you gave him a ride home at the end of his shift.
Although it was usually annoyingly busy, filled with tourists and teenagers attempting to spot their favourite members, and the coffee was watered-down Starbucks-esque bullshit, the seats were comfortable, and walking there took less than five minutes from your lecture hall. As long as you kept your head down, and your headphones in, you found the place was tolerable, and after a while you grew to harbour a small affection for the pink walls (although you never got used to the huge posters of the SM idols boring holes into your forehead that were replaced every week).
Unfortunately, your uninterrupted bliss was not destined to last. The end of your study salvation came in the form of a tall, permanently smirking idol, who suddenly started gangling through the café at least once a week. Whilst most of the idols who frequented the café came through as surreptitiously as they could, cap pulled over their head, mask pulled to the side as they stage-whispered their order, this boy was the complete opposite. Rattling off his group’s order ostentatiously, he made sure to send frequent winks over his shoulder at the fans almost weeing themselves at the sight of the back of his head.
The first time he came down, there were so many squeals you took out your headphones in alarm, afraid the fire alarm had gone off, or there was some other emergency. Fortunately, it was only the boy who had caused the ruckus, and you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes slightly at all the fuss.
This was probably your first mistake.
It seemed no one else in the café had noticed your unimpressed expression, apart from, strangely, the boy himself. To your utter surprise, he sent a wink directly your way, and a finger heart a few seconds later, when he realised that instead of being met with a scream, you had just frowned slightly. The ‘fanservice’ was uncomfortable for you, not only because his sudden attention drew others in the café to look at you, but also because, well to be frank, you had no idea who he was. You didn’t have a clue what he did. For all you knew, he could’ve been a particularly attractive manager the fans had taken a liking to.
Nevertheless, you simply shoved your earphones back in, and got on with the rest of your work. He returned the very next day. This time, the café was less crowded, so though there were still some scattered gasps and shrieks when he walked in, you could keep your headphones in. You made sure to keep your eyes glued on your screen for the duration of his visit, pointedly ignoring him in hopes of avoiding contact with him this time. When he left without acknowledging you, there was a fleeting moment of disappointment. You put it down to lack of sleep.
The boy didn't return for the rest of the week, and to be honest, you kind of forgot about the noisy kpop idol, mind more fixated on your looming midterms. It was only when Minhyuk practically yanked you over the counter the following Thursday morning, that he even crossed your mind again.
“Guess who asked for your name this morning!” He hissed, eyes wide.
It was clear from your deadpan expression you weren’t about to start listing possible culprits, so you were given the answer practically immediately.
“Johnny Seo!” Minhyuk gaped at your blank face. “Okay, I knew your kpop knowledge was bad, but how can you not know who NCT are?!”
Clueless at his indignant expression, you simply scoffed, grabbed your coffee cup from his hands, and sat back down, ignoring his protests, begging to show you “Just one music video!” No matter how curious you were as to who this Johnny might be, as long as you had exams, you did not have time for boys, famous kpop idol or not.
After a few hours of studying, you finally cracked. You reasoned with yourself that surely a quick Google wouldn't hurt during your 15 minute break. 40 minutes, and about 300 open tabs later, you had to admit, he was cute. Somehow he managed to look both sweet and sexy at the same time, exuding the cocky charisma that had irked you the first time you had saw him. You decided he looked less annoying when he wasn’t able to open his mouth. Planning to focus on his group’s discography next break, you were just about to close the browser window when-
“Hey.”
Slamming your laptop shut, in a desperate attempt to hide your browser history, you kept your eyes focused on your shoes. Having just watched an interview, you knew exactly who the voice belonged to.
“Hi, Johnny.”
“Oh, so you do know who I am! Guess you just got a little starstruck last week, huh, babe?”
Your nose crinkled at the sentence. No matter how good-looking Johnny was, there was no bigger turn-off to you than rudeness.
“I had other things to do. Bigger fish to fry and all that.” You kept your tone curt, still avoiding his gaze, unable to trust yourself to not accidentally reveal what you had just been doing for the good part of an hour.
“Pretty sure the biggest fish around here, is uh, standing in front of you, if you know what I mean.”
Your nose crinkled in disgust. Ugh. If you’re going to make a dick joke, at least make it funny, or at least, have some semblance of logic within its reasoning, you thought. 
He chuckled, seemingly unfazed that you weren’t joining in with his laughter. “Well, listen, babydoll, I’ve gotta run, star member of the world’s biggest boyband and all that, but why don’t you take this,” he slid a note onto your textbook with a set of digits on it, “And give me a call. Whenever.”
With that, he was gone. You could finally lift your head up. Sighing, you picked up the scrap of paper Johnny had left. There was a fleeting moment when you considered selling the number, but you ended up just tossing it into the bin, pointedly ignoring Minhyuk practically hyperventilating in the corner over the interaction between you two.
Thankfully, Johnny didn’t come in for a few weeks after that. You began to think you were safe. You had realised the boy had started weeping up on you in small ways. You no longer scoffed when you saw billboards with his face on it, started listening to his music when studying, even wondering what he was up to from time to time. As far as you were concerned, the further away Johnny was, the better.
As soon as you began you relax again, Johnny turned up.
“You didn't call.” 
He seemed confused, towering over you once again. You considered pretending to have not heard him, after all, you still had your headphones in, but eventually decided it was better to just reject him as early as possible. 
“You didn't ask if I was going to. You just gave me your number.” You accused, practically ripping the buds out.
“Well, I didn't think-”
“No. You didn't.” Turning back to your computer, you were about to resume your music, when you realised he was still talking.
“But... Why not?” His voice faltered slightly, though you had no sympathy for him.
You scoffed, twisting in your chair, rolling your eyes right at him. “Because, though it might seem crazy to you, Mr. Seo, not every person on the planet is head over heels in love with you!" Your voice got louder, and you cursed yourself silently for being so easily riled up by him.
To your complete surprise and utter frustration, Johnny simply laughed at your little outburst, previous blip in confidence nonexistent. “Not yet they aren’t.”
You cursed how obvious your blush was. It completely undermined your statement, and both you and Johnny knew it.
He slouched off, sending a lopsided smirk in your direction as you groaned. You were going to have to find a new café.
As much as you hated to admit it, Johnny did start to creep into your thoughts more often. You kept frequenting the café, despite telling yourself that you needed to find a new one, and didn’t care for the tiny shiver of adrenaline every time you heard the gasp of someone recognising an idol. You were surprised to find yourself dismayed as the time started to stretch between Johnny’s last visit.
Running your hands through your hair, you sighed, unable to focus that evening. It had been a stifling afternoon, and since the cafés air-con had broken, you were literally the only customer in the entire building, trapped into waiting until Minhyuks shift ended. Sighing for what felt the the thousandth time today, you read and re-read the introduction to your essay, unable to be productive at all. You were ridiculously distracted by that stupid boy! Maybe you should take another class, you considered, your brain seemed to have a lot more free time than you liked. All you could think about was whether or not Johnny was in the building, whether he forgot you, whether he thought about you, what he was doing right now, why-
“Feeling as sweet as you look, Princess? Because let me tell you, it’s not exactly a pretty sight to-”
This time, upon hearing Johnny’s voice, you were shocked to have to suppress a smile. Distance really did make your heart grow fonder. There was no denying it now. You liked Johnny, the most obnoxious, self-absorbed person you knew.
“Never call me Princess again.” You deadpanned, figuring it was safest to ride out your surely temporary crush on Johnny, until he had moved on and you were safe to study in peace.
“Sure, Princess.” You tried not to notice how nice the word sounded when he said it. “Are you free?”
“What? W- why?” You prayed Johnny hadn’t noticed your stutter.
“Why not? I wanna take you on a date. Nothing’s stopping me.” A pause. “You aren’t nervous, aren’t you?” Of course he had picked up on it.
“Of course not!” You found your voice again.
“Okay, then lets go!” He reached for your hand, as if the matter had been settled.
“Excuse you? I have work! Essays and projects and a million other things that I need to do!” This was a lie. Your latest piece of homework was due in two weeks.
“So what I’m hearing is... later.”
“Whatever.”
“So, that’s a yes!” He whooped, grabbing you out of your chair and spinning you around.
Your face had never been redder in your life. Spluttering, you managed “I didn’t- I wasn't-”
“Oh, but you did! You were! I knew you couldn’t resist me!” Johnny crowed. With that he practically sprinted out of the door, and you were left flushed and wondering what in the world you had just agreed to.
Johnny didn’t come back to the café for another four weeks. You found it morbidly ironic that the when you finally decided that you wanted to see him, he was nowhere to be found. You ended up staying later than you needed to, having finished all your work and instead pottering around on your laptop, glancing around the café every few minutes. However, Johnny started to become more and more elusive. You tried to reason with yourself that since he was an idol, he had an extremely busy schedule, and even if he wanted to take you out, he couldn't. You knew he had a comeback coming out, as the promotional posters for it had been stuck all over the building. Yet as the distance between his last visit stretched longer and longer, you wondered whether you had imagined the boy’s interest after all.
Of course, after all your agonising and pining, you didn’t even notice Johnny when he actually did come into the café. Your headphones were in, as usual, attempting to drown out the boy talking loudly on the phone next to you. A light tap on your shoulder made you jump out of your skin, your terrified expression automatically melting into a smile when you saw who had been the culprit of your shock.
“Johnny!” You beamed.
“Woah, don’t look too happy to see me! I won’t be able to recognise you, from the Ice Princess you were last week.”
Wrinkling your nose slightly, you shot back, trying to distract from your flustered face “Four weeks ago, was the last time you saw me, not last week.”
“Not that you’re counting.” was the cheeky reply.
You chuckled. Touché.
Johnny flipped the chair opposite you backwards, sitting with his two legs resting comfortably on either side of the back of the chair, leaning on it’s top rail with his broad chest. You couldn’t help but notice how endearing his boyishness was.
“So, are you free now, Princess? Still up for the date I was promised?”
“Uhh...” You pretended to check your calendar app. “I guess I could spare an hour or two.”
“Wait, seriously?!” Johnny almost fell of his chair.
“You act as though I didn’t agree to it the first time you asked me.”
“I know, I just didn’t think you were actually serious! I mean,” You raised your eyebrows. “Well, we both know you’re out of my league!” It was his turn to flush. You were shocked by his words.
“You. An idol. A person whose job it is to look attractive. Thinks that I. The most average person you will ever meet. Is out of his league.” Your voice and expression were so deadpan, Johnny leaned over the table to ruffle your head affectionately, giggling.
“You’re hilarious, see? That’s what I’m talking about.”
You stood up, slinging your backpack over your shoulder. “Let's go, Seo.”
“Hey, that rhymed!” 
You forgot to roll your eyes, too busy blushing when Johnny brushed your shoulders with his fingertips, wordlessly taking the bag from you and shifting it onto his back instead.
“C’mon, Ice Princess. Let’s go someplace with real food. The coffee here is awful - I only came down here to talk to you, anyway.”
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alitheamateur · 5 years
Text
A Taste of Home-Chapter 4
Warnings: Fluff. Language. 
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The door to the creamery pulled open with ease beneath his ample muscles, and you wondered if he had ever accidentally broken things unaware of his own strength and abilities. The place was a new addition to the corner since you had last walked these streets, but was there ever such thing as ‘bad ice cream’?
“What’ll it be, Ms. Calvert? How about you save us a seat, and I’ll order?” He pulled out a black diner chair from a round table in the farthest corner of the quaint place. “They do have a mocha flavor that I would highly recommend though.”
You realized your hood was still up on your noisy raincoat even now inside, but you casually stalled removing it in his presence afraid your witchy, tangled locks would frighten him.
  “I’ll take your word for it then.” You handed him some cash you thought enough to cover your scoop, and he scoffed, pushing it back at you with super-hero reflexes.
“Your money is no good here, Mills. Don’t even think about it! Let me treat you, will ya’? I can’t take the risk of a tabloid snapping a pic of Steve Rogers letting a lady pay. You’d ruin me.”
God, he was all too much. The shit-eating, almost satanically handsome smile, added to his already chiseled, yet soft face. And the way he would chew on his lip like it was a popping piece of bubblegum nearly made you want to cry. We won’t even discuss the charm, though.
When his backed turned to you, your let your loose hair escape from under the cover of your coat, and Dodger watched you with judgement at your feet.
“How’s it look, boy? We don’t want your dad running the other way, do we.” You used the blank face of your phone to give yourself a once over, and applied some drug-store chap-stick to your lips for precautionary purposes, of course.
Chris paid the server, and gracefully carried your two scoops, his own, and a special treat for his canine companion over to you attentively. Placing one delicious treat in front of a very eager dog, he scooted the other empty seat closer toward your side of the table.
“A sweet for a sweetie.” He served you, releasing a breath of relief when he sat. He attempted a straight face, trying to make the line work, but lost his nerve and puffed out an uncontrollable laugh.
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Sure, it was ridiculously overused, and probably classified as grounds for hysterical heckling to most. But, the cutesy compliment seemed to somehow pass off as endearing coming from someone such as he. So, you just thanked him, and laughed alongside.
“I should thank you again, Chris. For what you did with your friend, and the magazine. It was so beyond generous of you.” You licked the contents off the upside-down spoon between your lips bashfully. “But… I mean… I guess I’m just trying to figure it all out. How did you know? About what my blog even consisted of and stuff.”
He wasn’t making eye contact, but you could see the shadow of his lashes flutter into a smile as he played more with his treat than ate it.
“Okay. Confession?” He answered, leaning in closer to you. The chill of his breath from the bites of ice cream he had taken in felt like ice blended with fire across your face.
He had hired a PI to follow you and track your phone records for the last week. And he had searched the web history of your laptop seeing the fashion vlogs you kept up with, but also discovered all the times you had Googled his name?
You gulped.
“I have a fake account on social media, and I’ve followed you for a year or so now. Your mom sent a Christmas card and your picture was on it. Made me think about how I hadn’t seen you in so long. So, I searched you, found you, and I’ve sort of had a little insight into your life since.” The point of his tongue poked into his cheek, as he scratched a light graze through his hair. Appearing ashamed, or uncomfortable for some reason.
“Why a fake account, Chris? I mean, I would’ve loved to hear from you, silly.”
“There are all sorts of those people online pretending to be celebrities, and asking for money ‘n shit. I don’t ever want my friends to think they’re getting scammed under false pretenses. Thought it just the best idea, ya’ know.”
Dodger had finished his cup before it had even slightly melted, and a sticky, sugary sheen had settled into his whiskers. He rested his head on folded paws, closing his eyes due to the probable brain freeze.  
“In turn, that’s how I knew you were so damn talented, Amelia. You work hard, and I just think you should have something to show for it. Especially after that assho-“
“Wait.” You broke in. “What exactly do you know about that asshole?”
Laying it all out on the table, well most of it, and clearing the air of any falsified details that were embellished along the towns game of telephone seemed the mature decision.
Chris cleared his throat, and stretched, resting an arm over the back of your chair, appearing to get comfortable for whatever confessions to come. You could feel his hand almost reach out to pet over your back, but he pulled away frightened it may be out of line.
“Well, I heard… Mhmm…. I heard that you ran into his office one day in a jealous rage after he had hired a very…endowed paralegal. And when you just wouldn’t give up the feeling you had about him sleeping with her, he kicked you out. Then, you saw him out with the same bimbo a week later.” He closed his eyes, his face uncomfortable at the awkward timeline of your less than lucky turn in your relationship.
You palmed your own miserable face, exasperation and defeated mortification written on your every piece of reddening flesh. You felt shameful tears trickle before you could halt the unbreaking emotion.
“That’s what people are saying? Truly, that is what’s going around? I thought you said you heard everything from my mom, Chris?”
“I only heard you were getting a divorce from her, sweetheart. I didn’t get the rundown. That little tidbit I heard from my sister.”
The story had become much more potently twisted than you had ever expected, and it seemed somehow even from another state, your ex, Ben, had taken stance as the innocent party in matters. This jumbled wheel of false information would take much more effort than you were willing to give to clear up.
“God, no. No, no, no, no, no! That’s beyond the truth, Chris. I was afraid the story had been misconstrued, but not to this level. I literally saw him on his knees over top of her. Naked. In the floor of his office with his tie around her wrists…” You wiped your eyes, as if somehow the entire disaster would disappear if you could clear your frazzled, blurry sight.
“Welcome to my life, Millie.” The man huffed.
Here you had the gall to complain about a little nonsense murmuring around the neighborhood, and in the last year Chris had been in the scummy tabloids linked to several women, partying ‘too hard’ after a spilt, and deemed and ‘ass man’. Who really had it worse here?
“I don’t know how the hell you do it. I’m sorry. I had no right to complain whatsoever.”
He peeped to his left out the store-front window, only moving his eyeballs.
“Well, you’ll find out exactly what it’s like when that shithead with a camera standing out front slaps us on his headline tomorrow.”
Sure enough, carelessly in the middle of the street, stood a long-haired man in a ballcap, snapping pixelated images of you two seated in the dim corner of the café.
“I can see it now.” You announced, spreading your hands like examining a marquee sign. “Captain America spotted with unimpressive blonde woman at downtown creamery.”
Chris gestured a smile, but boldly reached up the squeeze the back of your neck under rain dampened hair. “Blonde, maybe. Unimpressive? Gimme a break, Millie. Don’t play fuckin’ bashful with me.” His subtle massages over the heat of your neck had you squirming in the seat below you. Maybe, you were pretending it was his leg. But that’s nobody’s business.
He saw something apparently you did not. Was there a memo you had missed?
“If you don’t know what the hell that dimply little devilish smile does to people, then you are sincerely misusing a weapon of mass destruction. Calvert.”
“Me?!” Some harlot buried inside of you possessed your body, and you scooted your chair an inch or two closer to him, punctuating your flirting with a squeeze to his thigh. “How about you put those oceans on each side of your nose away, Evans. And fess up to those lash extensions, will ya’?”
He wanted to kiss you. Or his tongue did anyway as it played and begged circles around his own lush lips. But not here. Not yet. Not for the world to see and break the internet.
He ruffled his hair, clearing the lumpy mass of battling self-control in his throat. You smiled, purposely, adding to his obvious already demise.
“Amelia fuckin’ Calvert, A trip you are, my dear.”
As he stood up, gathering the empty cups of sugary cream, he noticeably adjusted himself nearest his screaming manhood, and your eyes abandoned all loyalty to catch a glimpse. You followed him in standing, scratching a head over Dodgers head who had already risen to catch his owners’ heels.
“If it weren’t for this guy, I don’t think I would’ve accepted your dessert invitation. How could I say no to him after he spent his hard-earned allowance on that beautiful rose?”
“Well, I’m glad you two troublemakers have taken a liking to each other. You can keep him company some when I leave in two weeks.” Chris held the door open for you, carefully grazing the small of your back.
“Leaving?” No doubt he sensed the dread in your voice.
“Yep. We start filming on the 28th, so I’ll be wheels up the day before.”
The rain had passed on for the day, and Dodger was curious and keen to investigate every puddle planted on the sidewalk. He shifted too abruptly to the right, nudging your legs. You toppled, and tripped over your own feet towards Chris’ bubble, and he caught you by the hand. He didn’t have to do so by lacing his fingers into yours, or lingering there as long as he did, but you wouldn’t dare utter an objection.
“So, I expect you let me give you that tour of the house before I leave…..”
Mental note: Use your every dime of savings to buy the most lush set of lingerie on the continent.
Oh, you wretched, nymphomaniac. Don’t flatter yourself.
“What. The. Shit.”
Your lady-like cursing confused the flamboyantly kittenish man stepping in unison beside you, and he followed your suit to halt.
“Chris…” Your head hurt already from the deep v of your inquisitive brow. “My car, Chris. Where is my car?”
He looked upward at the street signs, double-checking that his distracted mind hadn’t discombobulated his sense of direction, and you had taken a wrong turn along the way. You immediately searched the deep pockets of your crossbody for your phone, and cringed, dropping your head back in defeat seeing a text from your once husband.
Shithead: Just getting all my affairs in order before we sign the divorce papers. Ooops, so happens your car was in my name.
“Mills. Talk to me. What’s happening?” Chris searched your face for some clue.
“I’m now carless. Along with homeless, and for the most part jobless. All thanks to my so overly generous husband, it seems.” You didn’t feel a shred of hurt, or pain, or sadness. But your dignity, and pride? Man, talk about shattered with an atom bomb.
“Not if I have anything to say about it, you’re not. Come with me. Let’s play with this son of a bitch a bit, shall we.”
As if you already didn’t want to mount him in the broad daylight….
TAGS: @eap1935 @mollybegger-blog @miidailyinspiration
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wolfpawn · 5 years
Text
When Ghosts Come For Us
Chapter 41
NOTE This is based on the movie Crimson Peak, so if any of the subject matter in that was uncomfortable for you, you will find this similar. I will *NOT* be describing incest in this, it will only be implied, same as the movie.
As I have stated already, my laptop is broken at present so please excuse grammar mistakes and the lack of GIFs and pics.
Also, I do not own any image or gif used in this story.
HERE is the link to Chapter 1 on Ao3
Rating - Mature
Thomas was the epitome of the doting father and husband on their return to Allerdale Hall. The maid and housekeeper watched in shocked awe as he assisted his wife ready their son for a meal and assisted in winding him after, with some gentle schooling by his wife. He insisted that the work they all knew the mines required could wait while he tended to the needs of his wife and son, making sure that they were settled before dealing with the mines. Charlotte watched, feigning blissful ignorance as her husband attempted to begin his grovelling for his previous dismissing of her and Thomas Junior. She noted the pride he took in their son donning his name and noticed also his manner with the small infant. He may have previously not shown much interest in their son but it was clear now he felt some connection to him. With Thomas now working the mines and the baby asleep, Charlotte decided to bring him to the kitchen area and watch the women work, disliking the loneliness of the room. The housekeeper and the maid looked at her curiously as she stood in the doorway.
“Lady Sharpe?” Mrs Phillips asked worriedly. “Should you not be in bed?”
“No.” She shook her head slightly, Thomas Jr asleep soundly in her arms, Blake loyally at her side. “It's noisy with the workmen up there, and draughty, I think him better able to rest downstairs, but also…” Her voice was small and almost meek, not anything like the way she had spoken to them the day before.
“What is it, Duckie?” Mrs Phillips asked kindly.
“It is frightfully lonely up there…”
Mrs Phillips immediately had a kind smile on her face and rushed to put a chair by the fire. “Over here with you. Margaret, get something akin to a bassinet and we can keep Master Thomas warm and let Lady Sharpe have her arms free,” she ordered. The maid immediately set about doing what was required as Charlotte sat beside the fire, Blake taking up position by her feet. “He is not going to be ignored, is he?” Mrs Phillips smiled at the dog.
“He does not let Thomas out of his sight. He only rests when he knows Thomas is feeding or is fed and is sleeping. They will be as close as can be once Thomas grows, I fear to think of the mischief poor Blake will have to stop him from creating.” Charlotte smiled affectionately at her dog.
“There's as much chance of him being involved as preventing it.” Mrs Phillips chuckled. A moment later, Margaret came in with a laundry basket lined with blankets. “That is a wonderful idea, put it just out of the reach of the fire and we will let him rest.” Charlotte handed her son to Mrs Phillips and sat back in the chair. “Would you like some tea?”
“Please.” Charlotte almost begged. “I have not had one since yesterday.”
Mrs Phillips rushed around and got her everything she needed. “You sit there, Duckie and relax, you need to allow yourself recover. How you are able to wander around as you have is something of note.”
“It is nothing bothersome,” Charlotte shrugged. “I do hardly feel it.”
Mrs Phillips eyes widened at such a statement and the clear honesty in it. “You are not of the same cloth as most others.” She handed Charlotte a scone and her tea while she continued to cook the dinner and Margaret cleaned the kitchen area.
For the majority of the time she was there, there was little said but the noise and company was comfortable. When Thomas required feeding again, Margaret continued the cooking and Mrs Phillips assisted Charlotte, insisting that she not rise from her chair.
“I can see if there is a nursemaid for him in the vicinity if you would like, Duckie?” Mrs Phillips offered.
“No, I rather do it myself, whatever others say of it.” The authority of her tone left no room for argument on the matter and considering her recent behaviour, Mrs Phillips did not think it wise to say any more, instead she continued her work and began talking of mundane and unimportant gossip from the town, something Charlotte enjoyed listening to, not out of the enjoyment of other people's business but simply to be speaking with the women.
It was only when Blake's ears perked and he rushed out of the kitchen did Charlotte look at the clock, noting the time. Blake danced around at the doorway for a moment before he was joined by a damp and clay covered Thomas. On seeing him, the women looked at him somewhat startled.
Charlotte stood and handed her son to Mrs Phillips. “Place him to rest please, Anna. Margaret, warm water and a cloth please,” She ordered as she walked over to her husband. “What happened you?”
“The machine had a momentary issue.”
“Is everyone safe?” She asked worriedly.
“Perfectly.” He promised. “I was the only one close to it.”
Mrs Phillips came back having dealt with Master Thomas. “What can I get for you, Sir?”
“He'll need a good strong tea please, and some dry clothes.” Charlotte answered on autopilot. “What in heaven's name were you doing too close to it if it was having such issues.” She chastised.
“If I had not been, it could have exploded.” Thomas countered.
“Thomas, I rather lose every penny we have than risk you. I know you work incredibly hard to give us an income from the mines but do not think for one solitary moment they are worth more than your wellbeing. What good are clumps of red clay to Thomas if he is to lose his father to it, or to myself and even Lucille?”
Thomas smiled, seeing the genuine concern on her face. “I was not harmed.” He brought her hand to his lips and pressed it gently to them. “I foresaw the possible situation and countered it immediately before it was any risk to anyone, the only issue being I slipped in the clay, nothing more. You will see as I clean myself that it is not any bit of my blood I am covered in.”
“It had better not be, for if it is, I will not let you live it down for the damage it is doing my poor nerves.” She scolded as she took one of the scraps of cloth Margaret had brought and soaked it before starting to clean off the more obvious clumps. “Margaret, would you be so good as to ready a bath for Sir Sharpe also, I think this will require a more thorough cleaning.” Charlotte requested as she noted the sheer work to get the clay off her husband. “You are caked in it.”
“At least it is only clay and not my own blood...for the sake of your nerves, of course.” He gave her a playful smile.
Charlotte, for her annoyance at her husband's recent behaviour could not prevent herself smiling. “You toy with me and my caring too greatly, Thomas.”
Thomas's smile fell. “I have, I admit.”
“I have right mind to discard you like this rag for doing so.” She tossed the dirtied scrap to the floor, her tone brazen.
“It is a wonder you have not already.” He retorted, a slight smile on his lips as he noted the sides of hers raise ever so minisculely.
“I suffer a terrible fault with regards you, Thomas Sharpe, against my better judgement, and it makes impossible to do so.”
“And what is this terrible fault, dare I ask?”
“I love you, most ardently.” She looked him squarely in the eye as she confessed such.
“My, that is a terrible fault indeed. If it is any consolation to the lady, I hope she knows I will endeavour to earn the privilege of being worthy of said affections and to repent for my past transgressions against them.”
“Good, for I would hate to think myself wasting my time with them as I seem to be with trying to assist with this cleaning. What in the world is causing this to stick so much to you?” Charlotte looked at the clay on the rag, his face and her hands.
Thomas could only chuckle. “The deeper clay is far thicker.”
“Evidently.”
“Lottie?” Charlotte looked at him curiously. “I love you, with an intensity I never knew existed. I…” hearing the housekeeper or maid returning, he ceased speaking on request of the expression Charlotte was giving him. “I should wash.”
“Eat first, the water will have to been drawn.” Charlotte suggested.
“My Dear, I am covered in clay and oil.”
“And it will take considerable time to remove it, so it is best to eat first,” she countered.
Thomas did not argue and instead watched as she cleaned her hands before going and retrieving their son and sitting close to him, Thomas Jr looking around curiously, though not focusing on anything. “I thought him to be resting.”
“No, he is awake and curious, he is simply quiet.” There was incredible affection in how Charlotte spike of Thomas. “He is such a handsome little thing, or is that motherly love speaking, am I simply doting because I am bound to by motherly duty?”
“Indeed it is not simply that, Lady Sharpe,” Mrs Phillips declared as she placed Thomas's food in front of him. “I have not seen such a handsome babe in all my years. My George looked like a sack of potatoes when he was born.”
“Mrs Phillips! You cannot say that of your own son!” Charlotte chastised.
“Duckie, I love my George, but if there is one thing the good lord did not bless him with, it is looks. He looks like my husband mixed with his father and as much as I love Theodore, it was not looks that caused me to love him.” Mrs Phillips stated. “This little one, he is truly handsome. You will have women seeking him for more than his parents’ wealth, I can assure you.”
“When we get this second mine open, that wealth will grow considerably.” Charlotte smiled to her husband, giving him an encouraging look.
Thomas swallowed, uncertain as to how to react to such encouragement.
Tags: @perpetual-fangirl @ilovekingt @lokiloveheart @lokilover9 @texmexdarling @sigridlaufeyson @whovianwookie86-captainxev @wolfsmom1
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mrsacklesevansmgk · 2 years
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Cursed - Chapter 4: Lana
Word Count: 5004
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“Be the moon in somebody’s night” - Yasmin Mogahed
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Justin was waiting for me by my locker. I had been hoping to get out of class and to my locker without running into anyone but that obviously was not going to happen. So instead, I turned up the music and made it obvious that I didn’t want to talk. After loading my stuff into my bag, I headed for home. Justin fell into step behind me, as did the others. Slowly but surely, they went their own way until it was only Justin and I left. He was bursting at the seams. There was something he wanted to say but he was biding his time; the opportunity came when I had to brush a piece of hair out of my ears and dislodged one of my earphones. “Come on! Come on! Tell me what happened!! I’m dying to know!!” he burst out.
I was over this day and everything that came with it. Why was everyone making such a big deal about this? Why was Justin feeding into it? We’ve been through this already. Nothing happened, it was no big deal. If something did happen, he would have been the first person I talked about it. “What are you talking about?” I replied as I let out the biggest sigh. Sometimes I wondered if Justin thrived on the gossip as much as the ‘cool’ kids, but then I remembered he was incredibly weird to anyone other than our friend group and his hippy lifestyle was a bit too extreme for the likes of Lydia, Marie or Eleanor. I didn’t really need to ask what he was talking about; I knew exactly what he was talking about. Someone had told him about our exchange during study. I stopped walking and rubbed my hand over my face. I knew Justin wasn’t going to stop asking, so I figured I might as well tell him how uneventful it was, straight from the horses’ mouth, so to speak. I told him exactly what happened, how it happened and in what order it happened, starting with when I first met Adam this morning. He listened intently. He ‘hummed’ and ‘ahhh’d’ in all the right places, even though to me it was not worth the effort. We started walking again. Justin pondered how the mean-girls were going to take not being the centre of attention; he also wondered how Eleanor was going to take it.
As we neared Justin’s mailbox, I said my goodbyes. We promised to chat later on, probably online, which was our usual routine. As Justin walked up the path to his house, I pushed my headphones back in my ear and continued walking home.
I went through the front door quietly hoping that no one would hear me. I left my headphones in my ears, so even if someone called out, I’d have an excuse as to why I didn’t hear them. Usually, I take my time getting home, so by the time I do, everyone else is here and the house is noisy and chaotic! But today it seemed quiet and empty. On the way upstairs to my bedroom, I made a stop at the kitchen. I knew I needed snacks. I planned on avoiding my family for the majority of the evening. I grabbed a punnet of strawberries, a can of soda, some water and some carrots and hummus and headed up to my bedroom. I made myself a little picnic spot in the book nook in my room and enjoyed my afternoon tea snack sitting in the sun, daydreaming at the trees outside.
Once I was done, I dumped the contents of my school bag on my desk. I left most things at school unless there was homework or an assignment to work on. I still had that History essay to finish off and I had some worksheets to do for both Bio and Classics. I rummaged through the books and papers and came across a small, folded piece of paper that looked very similar to the one I’d given back to Adam in Study. That’s strange, I thought to myself. I’d definitely given it back to Adam. How had he gotten it back to me and in my bag without me noticing? I picked it up and unfolded it...yup, it was the same note. I could see both his writing and my response. But now there was more of his neat handwriting underneath my response. He had given it back to me! But how?!
Yes, I have heard the comments. I find it quite interesting actually. It’s funny how people overreact over the smallest things! Are we not allowed to talk? Speak for yourself, I happen to be a very interesting person thank you very much ☺. Anyways I shall see you later, when you least expect it ☺ -Adam
How had he managed to reply and get the note back onto my desk, or in my bag without me noticing? But then again, I wasn’t really paying attention. I was daydreaming about being in my peaceful meadow and when that happened, I was in a world of my own. He probably just dropped it into my bag while I was daydreaming. No biggie, I thought. That was the most logical answer.
I went to my desk and turned on my laptop. It was a bit old and clunky and liked to overheat, so I only really used it for schoolwork and assignments. I was saving up to buy a new one, but it wasn’t something I needed to have all the time. I was feeling curious, so I typed Adam’s name into the search engine and waited patiently for the results to load. While I waited, I snacked on my carrots and hummus, realising that I was hungrier than I thought. The results loaded and I clicked on the first entry. Very quickly a page loaded with Adam’s picture and a list of all his achievements and accolades. It was dated about 2 years ago, but Adam looked exactly the same as he did now, like he hadn’t aged a day. His intense green eyes were as piercing now as they seemed back then, but they held the dark and mysterious truth about Adam hidden behind them. I remembered thinking this morning that I couldn’t quite tell what colour his eyes were; I thought they changed between hazel and green, but now there was no doubt about it. He had green eyes. His caramel hair was kept nice and tidy, brushed back and away from his face and the school uniform made him appear a little more grown up than he did today at school. But the most striking thing about the picture was that he had the blankest stare on his face, he wasn’t even smiling. It was like he was staring a hole through the picture and right into my soul, here, now.
Something compelled me to click on the picture and it took me to a photo album. There were lots of pictures, some of Adam by himself, some with teachers and with other students, some of Adam holding up various awards. But in every single picture he had the same look on his face. His eyes were intense, but he looked blank. The other people in the photos with him were smiling and looked happy, he just looked.... absent. This was a total contrast to how he appeared at school today...he spent the majority of the time I was around him, with a smile plastered on his face; and if he wasn’t smiling, he had an amused look on his face.
I went back to the search engine’s results page and clicked on the next result. While I waited, I opened my can of soda and took a big mouthful. Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! That was my phone. I put down my can and looked around the room hoping to spot where I’d left it. Oh duh!! It’s by the Bluetooth speaker! It was a message from my mother, it read:
Won’t be home till late. Eleanor is picking Ariane up from her piano lessons. Dad will be home about 7. Try not to kill each other and fix yourselves something for tea. I hit the reply button and typed out a quick message to my mother. She liked it when we replied even if it was just one word, just so she knew that we had gotten the message. Awesome I thought to myself. Home alone for at least another hour. I went back to the computer and continued to be nosey at Adam for another 5 minutes, but there wasn’t really much to see. That first link had given me the most information and even then, it wasn’t a lot.
I heard a notification ping through the speakers.... ahhh, an email, but it was nothing important, so I decided to sign into Messenger and see who was online to chat. Justin was online, so I started talking to him. After a few minutes a little box popped up on the screen, it said “ADAM17 would like to add you as a friend.”
What? No! I thought! We don’t know each other. Why does he want to add me? Is it even Adam?
But the only way to get answers is to accept it, so I clicked “accept” and waited patiently for ADAM17 to message me. Justin’s messenger window was pinging away.
Just-in-time: Lana, why aren’t you answering me?! Just-in-time: Earth to Lana! Just-in-time: HELLOOOOOO!! LANA-ROCKS: Jeez Justin, take a chill pill! We literally just saw each other ten minutes ago, what could be so important? Just-in-time: Oh, nothing. I was just bored. What are you doing? LANA-ROCKS: I’m honestly just sitting here eating carrots. LANA-ROCKS: Buttttttt......that might be about to change because I think Adam just sent me a friend request 😛 Just-in-time: WHAT?!?!?!?! Just-in-time: How do you even know it’s him? How did he find you? Did you accept the request? Are you going to talk to him? Lana, you have to talk to him. Find out why he’s being all mysterious and weird around you. LANA-ROCKS: Justin, you need to chill. I don’t know it’s him, I have no idea how *he* found me, if it even is him. Yes, I accepted it, because then I can ask him how he found me. I’ll talk to him if he talks to me first. Now stop freaking out over this. Let’s just be our amazing normal selves... Just-in-time: Okay, okay, you’re right. Let’s be chill. Okay, I’ll be chill. But if he talks to you, you have to give me every single detail!! LANA-ROCKS: Lmao! Okay, sure Justin.
That managed to shut Justin up for about 5 seconds, before he moved on to the next topic floating around in his head. I don’t know why he had so much to say considering we literally spend almost all of our time together...we just spent the weekend at Dillon’s family cabin, then spent hours together at school and just said goodbye not fifteen minutes ago. But that’s Justin. I swear he has ADHD or something, the way his mind and attention span is all over the place, focusing on ten million things at once.
After about 5 minutes ADAM17 finally said something. ADAM17: Lana? Is this you? It’s Adam from school today. Sorry ‘bout the random add. I sat there for a minute or so, was this really Adam? Only one way to find out, I guess. But it would be really weird if some other random Adam had friended me and began talking to me like he knew me.
LANA-ROCKS: Hey Adam. Yup it’s me. How’d you find me anyway? ADAM17: Glad it’s you. Ooops snapped! Now I have to admit being nosey about you; I really wanted to talk to you, so I asked a few people at school if there was a way to contact you. I kind of took advantage of the fact that everyone was talking about us today. LANA-ROCKS: You asked people about me? Who did you ask? What is it that you want to talk to me about? ADAM17: Yeah, I asked about you seeing as it was hard to have a proper conversation with you. I just asked some people around school; I’m not naming names. I wanted to talk to you because you intrigue me, and I want to get to know you a bit better. Is that okay with you? Will you be my friend? I didn’t know what to say to that. I hadn’t thought that he would actually want to be friends with me. No one liked to be my friend when they knew who my sister was. Or rather, they just wanted to be my friend to get close to Eleanor and the second they were, they ditched me. This is why I stayed with my select group of friends...we were genuine friends.
LANA-ROCKS: Sorry ‘bout that. Today seemed a bit weird. I’m not usually that all over the place and frazzled. The whispers definitely got to me though and I’m not used to the attention. But yeah, sure, I guess we can be friends. ADAM17: Awesome!! I’m so glad! Yeah, the whispers were weird. But I guess I’m used to that happening. I’ve been the new kid more times than I can count. Whispers and stares kind of come with that. ADAM17: What are you up to tonight? I’m quite bored. Wanna meet up and go for a walk? LANA-ROCKS: I’m not up to much. I was planning on having a quiet night tonight but yeah, a walk sounds good. I think I could use the fresh air too. Where do you want to meet?
I tried not to sound too eager. It’s not that I was eager as such, it’s just, it would be nice to a) go for a walk and b) get to know Adam a bit without the prying eyes of the entire school.
ADAM17: Awesome. Where do you live? I’ll meet you at your house in ‘bout twenty minutes. I quickly gave him my address and my cell phone number so he could text when he got close. ADAM17: Sweet see you soon Lana!
I sent a quick message to Justin that said, “Going for a walk, will talk to you later!” Then I logged out. Justin replied immediately, but I wouldn’t read it till nearly midnight. He said:
Just-in-time: A walk? With whom? Just-in-time: Lana! Who are you going on a walk with? Just-in-time: Are you going for a walk with Adam? Just-in-time: You are, aren’t you?!?!?! Just-in-time: Well, have fun!! But you better tell me alllllllll about it when you get home or I’m walking to your house in the morning and waking your ass up!!
I had twenty minutes to figure myself out. I jumped up and tidied my room a little bit; I mostly just cleared my bed so that I could crawl into it immediately when I got home from the walk. Then I quickly changed my clothes, I ditched the thick hoodie I had worn to school and went with a plain black tank singlet and a thin ‘summer’ hoodie. After that I fixed my hair and put it up into a ponytail. The last thing I had to do was go downstairs to the kitchen and fill up my water bottle. I made sure to leave a note on the fridge and text my mother to let him know I was going for a walk. With that, I was done, I chucked my water bottle and a light rain jacket into a little backpack that trekkers use, grabbed my keys, headphones and cell-phone. Just as I was about to go out the front door, Eleanor and Ariane walked in the back door. I walked back to the kitchen, “Hey, just going for a walk” I said as Eleanor took in my appearance and asked, “Where are you going? Ma isn’t home tonight, so we have to watch Ariane,” said Eleanor.
“Just for a walk, I won’t be gone long. Both you and Ariane are old enough to be alone for a few hours, I’m sure,” I replied with a smile on my face.
Beep Beep! Beep Beep! My phone beeped. Saved by the bell, I thought. I pulled it out and read the message, it was from an unsaved number; it was Adam letting him know he was outside at the gate. “Bye” I yelled to the kitchen behind me as I walked out the front door.
Adam was standing by my mailbox, hands stuffed into his jean pockets. He looked up when he heard me slam the door a little too loud and caught me cringing. Oops! I thought. I walked down the front steps and towards the gate, which he opened for me to walk through. “So, Lana, where are we heading?” He asked as he started walking, hands still stuffed in his pockets like he didn’t know what to do with them. “How about we just walk and see where it takes us?” I answered. He didn’t answer but the smile on his face told me he didn’t mind what we did.
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We walked down the street making small talk and chit chat. Even though we barely knew each other, the conversation came naturally, and it was only awkward every now and then when we realised that the other didn’t know what we were talking about. Adam seemed to be from a completely different world than I was. His normal and my normal were worlds apart. After we’d been walking for about a half hour, I had worked up the courage to ask him why he found me so intriguing. He looked confused. “You said online earlier that you asked around because I intrigued you…why?” I asked.
The question definitely caught him off guard. He was not expecting it and he didn’t have an answer ready. He took in a big breath and stopped walking. It took me a few seconds to realise he’d stopped, so I stopped and turned around to look at him. He took one big step towards me so that we were now face to face. He looked me directly in the eyes and said, “You know Lana, you’re not as insignificant as you’d like to think. A lot of people are interested in you, but you shut them all out and put up a wall. Just because you don’t have blonde hair or look like your sister, doesn’t mean that you aren’t pretty or interesting. You’re plenty interesting and I’ve known you for less than 12 hours. I can’t imagine how much more interesting you are to those who have known you longer.”
I stood there staring for a few seconds. I expected this kind of answer from him; one of those answers where he said a lot of words, but he didn’t really answer the question at all. And he’s a fool to think for one minute that any of those idiots at school thought I was interesting or wanted to get to know me, for me. I’ve been around these same people for my entire life. If they wanted to break down my walls, they would have succeeded by now. He stood there watching me process what he had said, working through the response and how I felt about it. Obviously, I didn’t agree, and he could see that by the look on my face, because the second I opened my mouth to argue the point, he began to smile. That resulted in me frowning, which in turn caused a giggle to escape his mouth.
“Okay, Mr. Smooth-talker, that didn’t even answer my question. I don’t care what people think of me, I don’t care about being popular, I don’t care if I look like my sister or not. It doesn’t matter to me. Being the centre of attention or the topic of the school gossip, is not something that appeals to me, at all – as you can see from how I handled today. I have my core group of friends who mean the world to me, I’d do anything for them. They took the time to break down the ‘walls’” I said, with quotation marks around that word, “and get to know me. No one else has tried or even wants to try to get to know me and I’m fine with that. And lastly, I am probably the least interesting person in this town, so I don’t buy that for a second!” It all came gushing out. Like verbal diarrheas.
I turned on my heel and started walking again, leaving Adam standing there and then rushing to catch up and just as he got to my side, I managed to trip over an imaginary rock…. aka I stumbled over my own feet and was just about to faceplant on the concrete. Adam had amazing reflexes and grabbed my elbow just as gently as he had earlier in the day. He caught me just as I was about to hit the concrete. He helped me back to my feet and let go of my elbow, he looked around to make sure I wasn’t hurt in any way.
“Lana, I know you won’t believe me but I’m going to say it anyway. You intrigue me because of who you are,” he gently lifted my chin so that we were face to face again, “I have a gift. I can read people. It’s as if they’re an open book – a good thing to be able to do when you move schools as often as I do. You, dear, sweet, innocent Lana, at first, I thought you were easy to read. From the second I met you, I knew you were a nice person and I wanted to get to know you. The look you gave me when you walked into English class this morning, it was as if I had just killed your dog. Your cheeks were slightly flushed, like you had been rushing to class. Then I caught you looking at me and the gentle flush on your cheeks deepened to a marvelous shade of pink. I knew I had caught you looking me over, trying to decide whether or not you liked me and whether you were going to talk to me or not,” he paused to take a deep breath, “And I liked the way you looked at me as if I was interesting, it is good to have someone look at you that way.” He paused again. And just when I thought he was done, he added “Just when I think I can guess your next move, you go and do something completely out of the blue and catch me off guard. You’re not so easy to read after all Lana and THAT intrigues me.”
I smiled up at him and he smiled back. We started walking again and I decided I needed to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. I didn’t need another situation where he was saving me from my own clumsiness. We were near a park, so I suggested that we go and sit on the swings for a while. They had big swings for teenagers and adults to use – you could go pretty high if you wanted too. I always liked going on the swings as a child and if I needed to get away for a short while and couldn’t quite make it to my meadow, the swings were my next best option. When we got to the park I went to the closest swing and sat down. I pushed off the ground to start my momentum, swinging my legs back and forth, working myself into a rhythm. Suddenly I felt Adam’s hands on my waist. He gave me a gentle push so that I was swinging a bit higher and no longer needed to push off the group. He gave me another big push and then went and sat on the swing next to me and got himself going.
After a few minutes of swinging in silence he started talking again, “As I get to know you more, the more I like the person you are. I know this may seem forward and out of the blue since we’ve only just met, but I really want to get to know you more. Would you like to go out to the movies with me on Saturday night?” I continued to swing in silence, trying to formulate an answer. I know it was a simple yes or no question. But I needed to think about it in the bigger picture. Did I want to get to know Adam more? Was I fine with a basic friendship or a more in-depth friendship? Did I want more than friendship? Did Adam? I looked up at him and saw that he was looking at me waiting for me to respond. His stare was intense, and captivating, I couldn’t look away.
“Hmmm movies on Saturday night? I’m sure I can do that” I replied, trying to sound casual. It didn’t fool him though and he just laughed. “Geez Lana don’t look so offended. I just asked you out. I don’t think you realise how serious I am, but I really like you and I want to spend time with you.”
This was the moment that my body decided to betray me. My breathing was getting fast and shallow, I couldn’t control it. I needed to take a deep breath but every time I tried, my lungs would constrict, and I couldn’t get enough air in. Adam was standing beside me before I knew it, grabbing the swing to slow me down and bring me to a stop. He was staring at me, like he always seems to be, but this time he didn’t have a cute smile on his face, but a look of genuine concern and worry. I managed to pull my asthma inhaler out of my pocket and force it into my mouth and pump it once. I slowly breathed the medicine into my lungs. I pumped the inhaler one more time and took five breaths. Already I was beginning to feel better. It’s funny because I had actually considered leaving my inhaler at home, but I’d put it in my pocket subconsciously, because that’s what I did every day before I left the house. I never went anywhere without an inhaler…or two.
Adam was still standing in front of me, rubbing my back and encouraging me to take deep breaths. I couldn’t help but laugh at the amount of concern he was showing. This was a very normal, regularly occurring event for me. Not only was I clumsy in general, but my lungs often decide to forget how to breathe properly, and I have an asthma attack. “If I had known asking you out would have had this reaction on you, I wouldn’t have done it!” He tried to joke. His face was now only inches away from mine. I could feel his breath on my lips. I still sat on the swing, with Adam standing in front of me, holding the chains in his grip and holding me close to his body. It wasn’t such a bad place to be, to be honest. It definitely was not helping me keep my breathing under control, but it felt nice that he was showing such concern and care for me. “It wasn’t you, Adam. I just have asthma attacks every now and then, more often in the evenings. That’s why I carry my inhaler around with me all the time. But only those close to me know about it.” I paused, “Sorry you had to witness that.”
After a few minutes of me taking deep breaths and Adam holding me as close to him as possible, he said “Let’s get you home Lana.” I considered putting up a fight. I didn’t want to leave. I was happy and content sitting on this swing being held by his strong arms, up against his body. He began to pull away, I grabbed his arms and said “No! No, I don’t want to go just yet,” I choked out. He put his arms back around me and pulled me closer to him and rested his head on the top of mine. This felt incredibly normal, and I was beginning to understand just how much he cared about me. Maybe I cared about him just the same. The realisation sent shivers down my spine, and I had no opportunity to disguise them and hide them from Adam. He mistook the shiver for me being cold and began rubbing his hands up and down my arms to keep me warm.
“Thanks, but I’m not cold,” I said. I could feel him smile against my forehead, “Why are you shivering then?” he asked. I knew he knew the answer, but he wanted to make me say it. Instead, I just relaxed into his arms and enjoyed the moment. Before I knew it, it was getting dark. He kept rubbing his hands up and down my arms to keep me as warm as the cool night air hit. But it wasn’t his hands keeping me warm, it was his body heat that was transferring through the hug he was giving me.
I didn’t want this moment to end. Neither of us did. But we both knew it was time for our walk to come to an end. Without saying anything, we started walking back towards my house. We continued talking, but it was light-hearted and easy-going. When we got to my front gate, Adam gently took my hand and rubbed it between his two big hands. He looked into my eyes and simply said “I’ll be here in the morning to take you to school,” and he kissed my cheek before turning and walking away.
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bxxpbxxprichie · 6 years
Text
Amorphous (Bichie) (1/?)
Summary : Modern AU. YouTuber!Richie. YouTuber!Bill. Richie Tozier fucked up big time. After a drunken night of having fun, his name is being slandered this way and that. However, and angel appears to sweep the Trashmouth off his feet. Bill Denbrough loves making speed arts of his favorite people on YouTube, and just so happens to be a huge fan of one Richie Tozier.
Pairings : Eventual Bichie
Warnings : NSFW themes, lots of cussing, Eddie freaking the fuck out, and a stutterless Bill
AN : This fic is meant for those over the age of 18. If you are under the age, please turn back now. I will not be keeping a tag list for this one, because I’m not going to tag anyone underaged. This will be full of smut, so be fair warned. Keep in mind that all of the characters are 21+ at this time. The characters in no way have any relation to the child actors that have portrayed them. IT does not belong to me, however if it had I would’ve changed a lot of things in the book.
Chapter 1 
Word Count : 1169
Richie grinned against the skin of his girlfriend's neck, hand trailing lower and lower down her clothed body. The air smelled heavily of booze, weed, and sweat. Loud bumps of vibrations shook the wall that Olivia was pressed against, and Richie wouldn't be able to hear her drunken moans if she wasn't doing it straight in his ear.
A part of his fuzzy mind told him that they shouldn't be doing this in the middle of a party, where everyone was walking around and could see them, but the other part told him to fuck all, and just do it.
His tongue pressed against a hot love bite on the girl's skin, hands trailing down to unbutton her shorts, before one slid down and between her legs. His lips met hers again, and he couldn't tell at this point if it was her hair tickling his face, or his own. The kiss was sloppy and tasted like vodka, tongues dancing together to a familiar song as his fingers sunk deep inside of her. Richie’s favorite part about sex was how noisy it was, and it was severely lacking with how loud everything else was.
But that didn’t stop him.
His thumb brushed over her clit with each thrust of his fingers, her moans being muffled heavily by his mouth. He pressed his body harder against her, and bent down to work at her neck again. She was fairly shorter than him, but he made it work always.
With his lips on her neck and his hand down her shorts, he hadn’t even noticed the flash of a camera.
Bill licked his lips as he set up his camera. It felt a little awkward, as he definitely wasn’t used to filming himself, but rather his hands. But he got it all setup and took a seat in a chair, the camera recording.
“He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.” The first time through with no stuttering was awesome. For the most part, Bill did pretty good about not stuttering anymore. On occasion there were one or two words, but it was especially bad when he got angry.
“Hey, everyone. I know you weren’t expecting to see my face, but rather a speed art of Johnny Depp, but today I decided to do something a little different. The thing is, one of my fellow YouTubers, Richie Tozier, has been dubbed a sexual deviant. There’s...well, there’s a lot of things being said about him right now.” He paused for a moment, clearing his throat, “The point is, even though I’ve never met Richie myself, I know through his content that he’s a good guy. It’s very obvious the girl in the picture with him is his girlfriend, and it’s not like it’s illegal for him to be drinking at his age. If anything, I think the photographer should be punished for taking such a picture. They were both at a party, and at parties people get intoxicated, I’m not blaming him for it.”
Bill licked his lips, and leaned back in his chair, “T-the things that I know people are going to say in response to this is that he shouldn’t be doing things like this because it can influence the kids that are watching him. My answer will be that just because they see one person, of age, drunk doesn’t mean they’re going to start drinking underaged because it’s cool. If anything I think everyone can take this as a learning experience. Don’t get drunk around people you don’t explicitly trust.” Bill worried his lip for a moment, thinking.
“So, yeah, I think that’s what I wanted to say. And anyways, uh, today I’m going to do something special just for Richie. In this video there will be two speed arts of Richie, one for his music channel, and one for his vlog channel, and tomorrow you guys will get Johnny Depp. I’ll also be selling my two Tozier prints, and it’s first come first serve as always. So, see you all then.” Bill stood and turned off his camera. It was as good as it was going to get, really.
He sucked in a deep breath and moved to his computer to edit the videos together. He’d done his Richie drawings already, and at this point just needed the little intro. He wanted to show his support for the man. Richie Tozier was really fucking cute, regardless of his trashmouth and his girlfriend.
“Richie, are you fucking kidding me? Open the damn door!”
Richie rolled over in his bed with a loud groan, untangling himself from the white sheets of his bed. Bare feet padded through a kitchen and a living room before he turned the knob and opened the door.
“Do you know what people are saying about you?” His best friend, Eddie, asked.
“That I’m hot? Sexy? Too cute to handle?” He gave his boy a grin before turning away and heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth. His mouth tasted like shit.
“No, that you’re a fucking sex deviant!” Eddie followed after him, just as Richie knew he would.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Eds?” Richie rolled his eyes at the other’s dramaticism, and stepped over to the toilet to relieve himself.
Eddie turned to give Richie some privacy, “There’s a picture of you fingering Olivia all over the fucking internet, you fuck!” He hissed, his arms tight over his chest.
Those words had shocked him, and Richie was quick to look at Eddie, “What?” He asked.
“Yeah! Someone fucking saw you finger fucking her, which is gross might I add, and took a picture of it! Bev and I have been doing as much crowd control as we can, but it’s not fucking easy.” Eddie turned back to him, as Richie stepped over to the sink to brush his teeth and mull it all over.
“Buh Ih jus dohn gih ih.” Richie blubbered through the tooth brush.
“You know I can’t understand you when you put shit in your mouth.” Eddie huffed.
Richie spat in the sink, “I just don’t get it. Who would do that to me?” He turned back to continue brushing.
“I don’t know, dude. But it fucking sucks. I mean, a lot of your followers are backing you up, along with some other YouTuber’s, but it’s mostly parents that are pissed right now. Bev’s been getting calls from your sponsors too, some of them are pulling, and others are saying they’re right behind you with it all. Apparently some of them saw some video that changed their mind about the whole thing.”
Richie spit out his mouth wash, before turning to Eddie. “Well, let's see this video, then.”
Still only clad in boxers, Richie leaned away from the laptop on his coffee table, and looked at Eddie. “He’s hot, and nice.” Richie grinned, which only earned him a punch from Eddie.
“Keep that shit to yourself. We don’t want a second scandal to come from this. Just get ready so we can film an apology video, and maybe you can mention this Billiam character. The more people that see his video, the more people are going to be on your side.” Eddie scowled.
Richie stood, and nodded, “Have you heard from Olivia today?” He asked as he moved to his bedroom.
“Yeah, she’s pretty livid, but not at you. She’s working on her own apologies at the moment.” Eddie followed Richie once more.
“This pretty much sucks. I hope it doesn’t ruin everything.” Richie knew he should have listened to that small part of his mind that had told him that they shouldn’t be messing around like that.
“If it does, it’s your own damn fault. Now quit whining and put on your fucking pants.”
His video about Richie Tozier had been getting a ton of good feedback. Honestly, it was more feedback than Bill was used too, but he had gained a ton of subscribers over the past few hours and it was...strange. Not to say that Bill didn’t appreciate it, but he just hadn’t been expecting it.
He got a notification on his phone that Richie had just uploaded, and dropped his pencil. It was an apology video. Bill was glad the other was owning up.
“What’s up guys? It’s ya boy-...I can’t do my normal intro for this video, I’m sorry. So, anyways, I’m sure most of you know by now that I fucked up. I fucked up really bad. Sure, I’m twenty one, so it’s okay for me to drink, but I shouldn’t be messing around with my girlfriend in public like that, regardless of where I am or how intoxicated I am. I am absolutely so sorry for everyone who has seen the picture, or just witnessed it at the party. I mean, I literally can not apologize enough. I fucked up, I’m taking the blame for it, and I would like to move on from it if that’s okay with everyone. For now I’m going to take a little break from my video’s, just so my team can take a little bit of a break, but in about a week we’ll be back to our normal uploading schedule. Thanks so much to everyone who’s had my back during this whole thing. I also just wanted to give a huge shoutout to the YouTube account, BilliamDraws. He made some awesome speed arts of me, and has been making an impact on a lot of other people, so please go check him out. Take care everyone.”
Bill’s screen black, and the next video started loading, but he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t fucking move a muscle because the man he’d been crushing on for years saw his video and fucking shouted him out. A new notification popped up on his phone, and none other than Richie Tozier followed him on Twitter.
Things were about to get interesting.
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Writer/WIP meme
I was tagged by @brazenbells! Thanks, this was fun. I tag @valarhalla, @fallenwithstyle, @astraveler, @laas-yahnir, @greymantleish, @actualmermaid, @taotrooper and @edgeoflight, if you guys want!!!
1) How many works in progress do you currently have?
...depends on what you would characterise as “in progress” (some were not really fully formed  but just like scattered paragraphs to start with, some I’ve got bored of or just given up on, etc.) but maybe like… 13-ish? In that range, anyway. (Actually though, this is on the low side by my usual standards... I’ve been concentrating a lot of my writing energy on LFLF in the last year, and haven’t started as many new things as usual, and have abandoned more old ones than usual I think...)
2) Do you/would you write fanfiction?
...I just checked and I literally have 891699 words of fic on AO3, so uh… make of that what you will my dudes \o/
3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks?
Paper, if only because I’m so much more used to it. I don’t actually own a Kindle/equivalent. But sometimes when I’m weighed down with a bunch of books (especially when travelling) I sort of want one...
4) When did you start writing?
I mean, it depends what you mean by that? I used to write stories ever since I was a little kid (including fanfiction… I remember writing and illustrating Pokemon fic at the age of like 7, and earlier than that I wrote a play based on the movie A Bug’s Life and forced my dad to costar in it with me… also I’m pretty sure I had a Pingu self-insert?) but yeah I’ve been making up stories to entertain myself for as long as I can remember (even if at some point I got too inhibited and self-deprecating to actually write them down, which I sort of regret now)
5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?
Yeah, I tend to like posting WIPs/snippets etc. on tumblr because I crave validation, but mostly @valarhalla is the person that I love to talk about writing with, on a general basis!!! But also. I will probably talk about my WIPs and ideas to any of my followers who show even the most miniscule level of interest because I am always a slut for writing chat, etc. 6) Where is your favourite place to write?
In my current living situation, curled up in bed under a bunch of blankets, as its fucking cold in my house. But I really love working in cafes? As long as it’s not too noisy/crowded that is. Also my university library has big soft comfy seats that I can take off my shoes and sit weirdly in and also laptop chargers and they’re amazing
7) Favourite childhood book?
I loved the Old Kingdom series as a tween/young teen… for childhood, (barring obvious ones like Harry Potter and LOTR) I really loved the Wind Singer by William Nicholson, Journey to the River Sea by Eva Ibbotson, as well as the Silverwing books by Kenneth Oppel (...on further consideration, those last ones were... really fucked up in parts though, wow...)
8) Writing for fun or publication?
Fun currently (I feel like at the moment additional pressure might make me hate it, and I definitely write as an act of self-care) but one day maybe publication? 9) Pen and paper or computer?
Computer, usually; when writing with pen and paper I tend to get super stressed out that it’s hard to “change” and that if it’s there on paper it’s there forever, and I usually can’t get much out with this added pressure. At least if its on computer it can easily be banished to the fucking shadow realm if I want, and this is intensely comforting, somehow. (Also, I have this weird mostly subconscious fear of setting anything down on paper, which is probably a hangover from my teenage years of hiding everything to do with my writing an immediately destroying stuff when I felt even vaguely threatened with discovery, but… yeah...)
The one semi-exception to this is if I have a story I just really really need to get down immediately before I forget it and it’s all just there in my head fully-formed and flows out of me in one long session is which I cramp my hand and also lose all concept of time. But honestly that’s a rare scenario (and is also predicated on the rare scenario of me having no access to either laptop, phone or any other means of typing, as I’m faster at typing than handwriting anyway so if I want to get a Lot of story out fast I usually prefer a computer too.) 10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?
Nope, never! 11) What inspires you to write?
Things I read, both in the form of “I need to write fanfiction of this thing” type of inspiration but also more abstractly, in the sense that I’m super grabby when it comes to character interactions or dynamics. Tropes that I reliably enjoy reading about, and want to try my hand at.
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nutriyumaddict · 7 years
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Hey look, it’s a 2k fic from Yachter Otter’s POV! :D
Why? Why not!
Sorry. Not sorry.
Five Times Yachter Otter Was Part of the Knope-Wyatt Family (and One Time He Wasn’t Yet)
February 2026
It’s dark.
Well, it’s been dark for awhile but even though he can’t see anymore, Yachter Otter can tell he’s somewhere else. And then he’s gently being lifted up and set down on a flat surface.
“Hi? Hello? Oh, there you are. Hi. Ben Wyatt. Um, I don’t know if you remember me but–”
“Oh! I do! You’re the one that used to buy all the stuffed animals. It’s been awhile.”
“Yeah,” he hears Ben answer with a laugh. Although sometimes he’s called babe or congressman or dad at home. Sometimes daddy, but it’s been a year or two since Yachter Otter has heard that version of the man’s name regularly.
“That’s me. So, I was wondering if–”
“Yes, I could definitely make you three bears dressed up as past presidents. Which ones?”
“No that’s okay…well, huh. Actually, that sounds kind of cute. Maybe Roosevelt, Kennedy, and…No, no. Never mind. That’s not why I’m here. I was wondering if–”
“Oh! What happened to this little guy?”
He’s being picked up and examined. Poked and prodded, but not roughly.
“Yeah. That’s why I’m here. Can you fix him? He’s kind of important to my wife. And well, to the kids. You know, I’m kind of fond of him too, I guess.”
Yachter Otter would roll his eyes if he could. But, he guesses he’s slightly fond of this one too.
“His monocle is gone.”
“Ah, yes, a camping trip a couple of years ago. Wes took him on our hike and when we got back to the tents, no monocle. We looked, but we couldn’t find it anywhere. Leslie told the kids it was okay, that he’d get a contact lens.”
“Hmmm. And it says…butt on the top of his captain’s hat? Why does it say butt on the top of his hat?”
“Oh, that. Yeah, it wasn’t me. That was um…see, we have triplets. And there was a period, back when they were learning to spell, that pretty much every surface of our house had the word butt scribbled on it. Unfortunately, this one is in permanent marker. And then, we all kind of thought it was funny, especially Stephen, who was probably the one who wrote it. But, yeah, he should probably get a new hat.”
“I can put a new one on him,” the woman says. “What happened to his arm? And his eyes?”
It’s a good thing Yachter Otter can’t feel pain, because his right flipper has been nearly severed for a few days now. And his eyes fell out awhile before that.
It’s funny, he remembers a time, way back when he first started living with them, when he wished he didn’t have eyes, but he’s found now that he misses seeing his family (plus thankfully, he hasn’t had a front row seat for noisy times in quite awhile).
Although, he’s pretty sure those times still happen with great frequency.
He hears Ben sigh, “The dog. In fact, I just found this little guy in the hallway last night. I think Bark Obama, that’s our dog, has been using him as a chew toy. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks, we just moved back to Indiana full-time from DC.”
“I can fix him. Sew him back together. Get him a new hat and monocle. Oh, and a new medallion for his neck.”
“You remember that? The necklace?”
Yachter Otter hears a laugh. “It’s not like I’ve made that many playboy otters lost at sea in my career.”
“Fair point. Okay. That would be perfect. Thank you. Any chance you could have him done by Valentine’s Day at the end of the week? I kind of wanted to give him to my wife again this year, you know, all fixed up and like new. I gave Yachter Otter to her on Valentine’s Day, um, fourteen years ago, back when we were dating. Now we have three kids and she’s running for Governor.”
“And you’re regifting a stuffed animal as your Valentine’s Day present? To the possible future Governor of Indiana? The mother of your children?”
“No. I’m not regifting-regifting, I gave it to her already…oh. I see what you’re saying. I should probably do flowers or something else too, right?”
“Yeah, probably.”
“Hmmm. Well, anyway, thanks for your help.” Yachter Otter gets a soft pat on the head. “See you soon, buddy.”
April 2020
His new location is in the bigger bedroom with all the small ones again–their names are Wesley, Sonia, and Stephen. He likes them all of course, but Wesley is his favorite. That’s whose bed he sleeps in and who cuddles him at night.
Li'l Sebastian is usually snuggled up with Stephen, and the girl, she has about twenty stuffed animals, including a very condescending ostrich named BoBo. Sonia also plays with a hard rectangle she calls Dr. Buttons.
He’s just sitting there one afternoon when Wesley comes into the room, crying. He plops down on his bed and hugs Yachter Otter, sobbing into his furry otter belly.
Yachter Otter wishes he could hug the little boy back.
“Wes? Hey, Wesley?”
He watches as Ben walks in and sits down on the bed next to his son. “What’s wrong?”
The small one sits up and sniffles. “Daddy.”
Soon Yachter Otter is set down on the bed and Ben is hugging Wesley. “It’s okay. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I drew a picture and no one knows what it is.”
Ben looks confused. “Where? On the wall?”
“No, daddy, I know the rules. At school. Everyone always knows what Stephen draws. He’s better at drawing. I’m no good.”
They’re sitting close together now, Wes practically on his father’s lap. “You’re very good, even if your pictures aren’t as obvious as your brother’s. That doesn’t mean his are better, you just see things differently.”
“Because of my glasses?”
Ben smiles and wipes Wes’s tears away with his fingers. “Well, mostly because you’re a different person than Stephen, and you see the world differently. And you draw differently. And that’s okay, it’s how it should be.”
Wes sniffles again and uncrumples a balled up piece of paper. The one he’d tossed on the bed when he first came in. “Do you know what that is?”
Yachter Otter is glad that he’s not being asked this question because Yachter Otter has no clue what that is…a traffic cone? A wedge of cheese?
Ben studies the work of art carefully. “Um, well…I think that’s a carrot?”
Wesley’s face lights up. and he starts to smile “Yeah! And what’s that?” He points to a multicolored blob beneath the carrot.
“Oh, well…I’m sorry, honey. I’m not quite sure, but if you tell me what it is, I’m sure I’ll see it.”
“It’s Benjamin Franklin flying a carrot instead of a kite. And that’s Yachter Otter taking notes for the newspaper and talking with Uncle Andy.”
Ben smiles and peers closer. “Wow. Okay. There’s a lot going on there. Hey, is Andy playing a broccoli guitar?”
Wes nods excitedly.
“This is very creative and colorful. Why don’t we put this up in the kitchen so mommy can see it tonight? I’m sure she’ll love it as much as I do.”
November 2014
Everyone’s been gone for a couple of days.
Leslie had been getting larger and larger and thankfully, the noises (and sights) had gotten a little less frequent over the last few weeks. Although, the other night, Ben did that thing with his mouth that Yachter Otter has never quite been able to understand.
That had certainly made Leslie very noisy.
But now, they’re back home, with three small and crying bundles. and she’s moving a little slower than usual and Ben is doting on her and bringing her things–food, juice, adjusting her pillows, and handing the babies to her to nurse against her chest.
There are other people here too fussing over the whole scene.
Yachter Otter thinks he knows what’s going on here. They finally had a litter of pups.
A couple of days later, he gets moved to another bedroom, this one is light green and has three cribs, a rocking chair, and dancing animal paintings on the wall. He knows what this is too–it’s the den where the new pups are being kept.
He’s up high on a shelf next to Li'l Sebastian, above a table where the new ones are cleaned up. It’s kind of a smelly location, and he and the mini-horse spend a lot of time complaining to each other about the odors.
But still, he thinks he likes these new additions to the family.
October 2012
It’s quieter lately.
Ben is not around anymore, although he thinks it’s not a permanent thing  because he and Leslie still talk to each other on their laptops every night. But, he’s no longer sleeping next to her in the bed all the time–just occasionally when he visits on weekends.
Today Ann is over. Ann is a beautiful, lyrical sunbeam, at least that’s what Leslie calls her.
“I’m just not sure…” Leslie trails off, running her hands along Yachter Otter’s belly, where he sits in her lap. “He seems so happy, out there in DC being all smart and political. Of course, he’d want to go to Florida and work on another campaign. He did travel all the time before, he probably misses that lifestyle.”
“But you just found that great house. Maybe you could–”
Leslie shakes her head. “No. I think he wants to take this new job. And that’s great. I mean, I don’t like it at all and it’s awful but I totally and fully support Ben  and his dreams. Maybe after this campaign is over? But, for now, it doesn’t make sense to rent the house when it’s just me. I’ll just go over and look at it one more time. To say goodbye.”
“Do you want company?”
She shakes her head. “That’s okay, go see Jerry at the hospital. I can go by the rental myself. Besides, I’ll find a better house for us later. One with a trampoline room. Because I don’t think Martha knows what she’s talking about there–I’m sure some houses have trampoline rooms.”
March 2012
What are they doing?
He’s heard these noises before, but Leslie, that’s the blonde one’s name, usually turns him around so he’s facing the wall before they happen. But right now, he can see everything.
Apparently, hair color is not the only way to tell these two apart when they’re naked.
Is he…hurting her? No. No, Yachter Otter thinks, she seems to like it, whatever he’s doing.
“Oh no! Yachter Otter! I forgot to turn him so he couldn’t watch us.”
The one with the very prominent penis laughs (he’d be a big hit at yacht parties, Yachter Otter thinks). “Babe. He’s a stuffed animal.”
“Yeah, but–”
“Besides, if he’s going to live here, he might as well get used to this.”
He watches as they smile and laugh and roll around some more on the bed until the woman is on top, bouncing and moaning, and at least they look happy?
Of course, Yachter Otter wishes he could close his eyes and give them some privacy to mate–he finally figured out that’s what they were doing–but unfortunately, his eyes are permanently open. That was convenient for navigating the waters but now, in his new noisy home, it might be a small problem.
February 2012
He’s used to yacht parties and super models. Dry martinis and caviar. And then one day when he was out at sea, just thinking and planning his next adventure,  he got lost in the high waves. Thankfully, he still has his monocle, even though that was mostly for show. He can see perfectly fine without it.
Then he was in a car…a Saturn? Which, being a playboy otter, seemed far beneath him somehow.
His next location is an office, behind a desk as he watches someone lead another someone closer, but the taller one has his paws over the shorter one’s eyes, so they’re walking slowly and laughing.
Apparently, the one had a dream about him–a playboy otter lost at sea. But how did he get here?
And why are they smashing their faces together now?
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peroquenotevean · 7 years
Text
Craving
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Hey people, sorry for the delay. Here is a new chapter and the reason why I'm struggling with Jackson lately. When I wrote this chapter and I tried to get into his mindset and write what I think he could do, this is the scene that came to my mind. I don't think the show is going to take him here but I think he has problems, he has little control over his rage and he is bottling up all that rage. So this is what I imagined. And now I'm having a hard time imagining a happy ending for Jackson and April in my story. The show and Shonda aren't helping. But, I promised a Japril ending so I will give you a Japril ending even if I feel like that isn't the ending I want (I want April moving on from Jackson, probably alone, and ready to meet someone fantastic) As always, let me know what you think. And well, what do you think I should do?
She was sitting astride him, her skirt was up to allow him to have access to her center, and he was taking advantage of it, even though the place was narrow, the bent uncomfortable, and she was wearing too many layers of clothes
"We shouldn't be doing this" she says breathless into his mouth, to which he answers nibbling her lobe sensually, just like she likes, and that causes an immediate response in her, she moans and opens her legs to allow him a better access to her sex
"I want to fuck you" he whispers before attacking her long and beautiful neck. He uses the exact amount of lip, tongue and tooth on that part of her neck that entices her most passionate answer
"Not here" she begs with a sigh "it's wrong"
"Why? I sent the priest away, nobody is going to stop us" he punctuates his words by pushing his hips up, a movement that allows him to rub his erected shaft with her center "don't you see what you are doing to me". She doesn't answer, she just impales herself on his member and begins to move rhythmically her hips, up and down. She dictates the rhythm and he follows her lead. It was fast and dirty, and she loved the knowledge of being doing something wrong and forbidden. She wanted to challenge God and all the angels again and again, she wanted to be punished, she was doomed, dammed and she loved it. He changed the angle and started to impose his own rhythm, faster and punishing it was exactly what she needed. Soon enough their movement grows faster and more desperate as the two get closer to their orgasm. She repeats his name again and again as a prayer, desperate for reaching her release. He can feel her desperation, how close she is to get what she wants, therefore he takes pity of her and rubs that bundle of nerves that will send her over the edge, and he does it just as she likes, hard and quickly. She goes first yelling something intelligible, and he follows her after a few trusts with a shoot
They stay there, breathless and deliriously happy, hugging and giggling like teenagers in the Confessional in a random Church
April wake up with a start…
Breathless and confused she needs a few seconds to put herself together, and when she did she could only feel shame and guilt. Furthermore, she couldn't believe she just had an erotic dream, in a call-room, in the middle of the hospital, during his swift, and that isn't the worst part, actually it's the least bad thing about the entire situation. Because she is sweaty and uncomfortable, her panties are dirty and sticky, she feels like she just ran a marathon instead of feeling fresh and rested, in fact she feels bone tired, but that is how she has been feeling for weeks... And at last, the worst part, the dream itself and its meaning.
She doesn't want to think about it, she doesn't want to remember it and she doesn't want to analyze it. She knows she has been mad at God and everything related to him, she tried to not to, but how not blame him for Samuel's death? She tried to embrace the comfort provided by Jesus and the mass, just like she tried to believe in the comforting words provided by the Bible and the churchmen, but she just couldn't do any of that. She keeps going to the mass, but not as often as she used to go, and when she does go the priest's words just sound empty, hollow and meaningless. Her crisis of faith only make her feel lost, confused, angry, abandoned and generally wrong in too many different levels, and after that dream she feels all those things thousandfold . She has never dreamed about anything as sacrilege as making love in a church, it's just dirty and disgusting, and yet, deep down, under all the shame and the guilt, she also feels hot and aroused. She can remember his hands, his lips, all the feelings evoked by those icy eyes that only get warm when they are looking at her.
It's also a weird dream, because it was her but it wasn't her, she guessed that this is how she would feel if she was a simple passenger within her own body, that wasn't her real body. She felt disconnected, and yet she could feel everything just as she knew everything, even the name that she doesn't know in real life yet.
All in all, it was an strange dream and a stranger experience, she was doing something absolutely out of character in that dream and she is fine with it, maybe because she wasn't absolutely sure she was herself on that dream. Furthermore, she still feels sleepy and tired, she is in daring need of a shower and she only has 10 minutes before she has to go back to the Pit and the cold looks of her coworkers, and yet she is feeling strangely hopeful, just like the woman in the dream, and the only thing she can think about is her stranger and what she wants to do with him that night
So she just push down the shame and the guilt, and just as she told Jackson, she doesn't go back home, she goes to another bar seeking for her stranger. He was there, as always, with a sexy smirk and a scotch for her. She stopped wondering how he could know where and when find her, so she just takes the glass and smiles
Neither of them noted than someone was watching them
Jackson knows that following his ex-wife as an ordinary stalker is a very bad idea, worse than that, it is a terrible idea. But he can't resist the need of checking on her, not after watching her walking to the car without even acknowledging him. He just needs to see with his own eyes that Arizona was wrong and April was just having some drinks tonight, probably with his mother
Therefore he follows April to a club, the kind of place that April has always disregarded as too noisy and too dirty, with the kind of music that she wouldn't listen to because of being to rude or too explicit, actually the song sounding through the speakers is even too explicit for Jackson tastes, "Rape me" by Nirvana should be banned from every radio in the country, at least that is what Jackson opines. However, this is Seattle and Nirvana is obligatory in this kind of places, so he just ignores Kurt Cobain's enraged words and focus on the task in hand, that is watching April. It's more difficult that he thought since Jackson can't find April in the crew and when he finally sees her, she is with him. It isn't difficult for Jackson to understand what Arizona meant by 'dangerous', the man has the air around himself that would have the decent and good people running towards the opposite side of the bar. But obviously April doesn't feel threatened by him, not by any means. At the beginning they are just talking, and sure, they are way too close to each other for Jackson's tastes, but there wasn't anything that yelled relationship in their mannerism, at least not to him. He was just trying to decide whether he should the place or wait when the stranger man grabs April by her waist and they start dancing, which has Jackson choking in the beer he just asked for and he is drinking. The dance is short lived, and they aren't doing anything that could make Jackson think that there is something between them, and yet the sexual tension is undeniable, it's so obvious that people around them have stopped what they were doing just to watch them, and true to be told, Jackson doesn't blame them because the couple is mesmerizing, he can feel the electricity between them from the other side of the local... And he can't find words to describe April. She is just not of this world, an ethereal apparition that he can only describe with one word and the only word that comes to his mind is "sexual" -not sensual, sexy or hot- she is pure sex in a way he has never seen before, he has only gotten a glimpse of this in those bathrooms in San Francisco, the rest of the time she has been weirdly sexy, innocently sexy or just sensual, but she has never look anything like this, and that makes him crazy. When the couple finally kisses is the last straw and from that moment on Jackson is just a furious man, he just wants to kill that man, burn the place and take April far away from here and keep her with him where they started, in bed and in love, just as she wanted.
It requires an effort of epic proportions, but he manages to restrain himself and get out of that bar before he does something absolutely crazy and illegal, then he went back to his house
He waited up for her to go back to home. He has always waited up, however he used to do it at his room, with the lights off and the door closed because he never wanted her to know that he cares that much. This time is different though, he is waiting for her in the living room, with his laptop, working in Maggie's mother cancer to keep himself busy with something else besides April and another man touching what Jackson regards as his. He has been drinking, probably too much, and has been planning what to say to her, he wants their talk to be
When she gets into the house, quietly and carefully, he closes his laptop and waits until she is in front of him. He takes some deep breaths, trying to keep calm and chill. She looks as always but for her swollen lips and her wild hair
"You have talked with Arizona"
"Yes, I have talked with Arizona... What the hell are you doing April?"
"I'm single, I can..."
"No, you can't we have a daughter and that guy could become..."
"Is that the problem? You thing he is going to become her stepfather…You have nothing to worry about, it's only sex... And by the way, where is Harriet?"
"With Arizona, I asked her to take care of her"
"Of course, Arizona, has she told you what was she doing in that bar?
"No, and I don't care! This isn't about Arizona, it's about you April, you having sex with some stranger guy with scars her face and you said that is only sex, but, you know what April, I don't believe you, I remember the last time you called a relationship 'only sex' so excuse me if I don't take your word for it... And I have seen you"
"It's not the same... I don't even know his name... And what do you mean with that you have seen us?"
He ignores her question, after all he isn't ready to admit the fact he has been stalking her, not even to himself, so he decides to focus on everything else, anything to deflect her attention from the stalking part. He tries to inflect his words with all the disdain he wants she would believe he is feeling
"Oh, that is fantastic... Then you aren't having a relationship, you are whoring yourse-" he closes his mouth when he realizes what he just has said to her. She is furious and he knows that any chance of having a civilized conversation is lost, and it's his fault "Crap, April, I didn't want to"
"Whoring myself? What the hell is your problem! Fuck you Jackson, fuck you!"
"April, I already say I'm sorry ok..."
"You know what? Yes, I'm whoring myself and I love it, because he made feel things that you never made me feel..."
At the very moment that those words left April mouth Jackson started to see red and something snapped inside him. Before he knows what he is doing he grabs her by the wrist and raises his other hand as to slap her. It's her expression what makes him snap again, just at the last minute before he does something absolutely horrifying. She is looking at him with wide eyes and trembling lips, but she isn't afraid of him, that isn't April, not anymore, she is trying to control her own fury They are in an impasse until all she talks, by then he knows she isn't going to listen to anything he has to say, at least not tonight
"Are you going to hit me, Jackson?" She asks him mockingly, which she shouldn't do while he is trying to calm himself "come on Jackson..."
"April..." He warns her "just shut up, please"
"Why don't you do it, you have been wishing to hit me since I went to Jordan… Is that what you need to feel better? Come on, DO IT!"
"SHUT UP" he drops her wrist and pushes her far away from himself, which makes her fall in the sofa. Now she is looking at him with fear, there are tears behind her eyes and he can see the mark that his fingers have left on his pale skin. He has never felt worst in his life, he feels he have reach a new low and have gone beyond that. He is desperate to earn her forgiveness, but he knows he doesn't deserve it. Nonetheless, he kneels in front of her and tries to kiss the place on his wrist where he has marked her, but she flinches when he tries to do so, therefore he tries to beg, with tears in his eyes, and prays to a good he doesn't believe in that she is still the kind girl who used to forgive everything "look, I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you, you have to believe me April, I'm very sorry..." She is denying with the head and crying silently "April, please..." he bows his head until he is touching her knees, weirdly enough this time she doesn't refuse him. Both of them are crying now, and for the first time in their relationship they don't seek comfort in each other, they are just there, frozen in time until April talks with trembling voice
"I need to go, I... I'll come back... But I can't be with you in the same room right now, please Jackson, let me go". He nods and moves aside to allow her to move, then she gets up from the coach, take her things with trembling hands and leave the house
She founds James in the hotel room where she left him. He opens the door, looks at her with unreadable expression and takes her in his arms.
At his home, Jackson is staring at the off TV and drinking alone
Chapter 6
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