#also my brain just rejects the idea of telling someone what they need to improve on

[eggxdragoon]

I hope to stop talking about my personal life and circumstances to anyone now because the only times I have, people claim to understand and support me through it but then instantly switch and rudely use it against me as if they want to blame me and say it's my fault, as a way to insult me the second they start to hate me for other reasons

anyone who blames me for being stuck in life at the moment and finding it hard to progress in any of the ways one is expected at my age, despite knowing the reasons are fucking scum. especially when they rub it in my face like I'm just some lazy horrible stubborn piece of shit despite the mental and physical agony I'm in on a daily basis

I had years of my childhood stolen by all the horrible traumatic and depressing shit I went through that I don't even speak of and also forced isolation throughout all teen years so I never knew what it was like to be social. I'm still a stranger to the world who hasn't talked to anyone outside family in years because it's so hard and scary to even fathom now

I have anxiety that can be debilitating because the reason I was successfully lured into forced isolation is when it was initially taken advantage of by an abuser saying "see everyone hurts you and is dangerous and out to get you and are your enemy, people suck and it'd be better to live far away from all human life" and I was manipulated into believing it was true for years and when I tried to break out of that mindset I was still trapped physically because they had me trapped

I'm sick of people just being like stfu idiot and get meds and go into therapy in a condescending way even when they know this. it's so insensitive and rude and I don't care if their intentions are to help. motivation and support is going to be better than "it's all your fault you're a fucking idiot go take meds and therapy and become someone I like better and is accepted by society" those are reasons my brain tells me I deserve to suffer already, it's encouraging me to stay in it

I can't take meds for all that because the amount my mom has to be medicated and how she still uses drugs and alcohol to cope on top, how she still treated me despite that, and all the side affects that would massively fuck up my life even more as someone who already has low empathy, bouts of intense numbness where I'm especially suicidal, and how the last thing I need is for that to improve and for my dick to stop working on top of that has made it not for me, I have to find other ways

and therapy is a lot and something that's taking a lot of effort to even consider let alone push myself into it, going from someone who hasn't talked to anyone outside family for years to talking to a stranger about darkest thoughts and memories and secrets would be scary. either way I don't feel I'll ever be able to properly talk about my worst problems anyway because the things I'd have to share would be incriminating for abusers so it could be genuinely fucking dangerous and I'm scared

and then there's the way I'm so depressed it kills me and it's like I've I inherited my mom's major depression but again I can't be medicated for it. and I have to act used to it and joke about it a lot to family but the physical fatigue and chronic pain I feel is really fucking agonizing. I can't remember what it's like to not be tired and aching and sore. I can't remember what it's like to sleep normally. I wish just getting out of bed wasn't such a challenge for me mentally and physically

so fuck you for saying they're just excuses and that I'm just rejecting the idea of getting better. I CAN'T right now because the abusive fucking assholes made sure of that. I can't be a normal functioning adult because I didn't even get to be a fucking kid. not that I'm going to let the abusers win but just staying alive as long as I'm stuck in this will always be enough of a challenge as is. I'm fighting so fucking hard and nobody will understand or appreciate that effort when all I want to do most of the time is die

and this is the tip of the fucking iceberg because all the disgusting and fucked up things that happened to me that I can't talk about causes enough deep mental anguish that I can't even bear to uncover and consider taking with me to the grave. and then comes my living situation and all the tragedy in my life. but even when people know all this, as soon as they hate me I'm apparently just a liar. apparently I'm just a suicide threatener and manipulator. apparently my pain isn't real. I fucking wish it wasn't. fuck you

I've been given every reason to start repressing myself and my feelings around others again. I'm spiralling back into those thoughts of "everyone hates you and wants to hurt you" like I was taught. everyone who yelled at me about needing therapy and blaming me for not being able to and all the reasons I need it made it even harder and set me back in it. thanks a lot assholes it was already fucking hard enough as it is and you just make me reflect on it even harder when you push the idea that I'm not even trying and haven't made any progress at all

I'm sick of being so angry and miserable and in pain everyday.

#this made me feel both better and worse to get down but I feel like absolute shit today and hopefully writing these down will help a bit #stop attacking me mind please for the love of god it's so noisy in here just let me rest

[your-regina]

Can I talk to you about something?

I wouldn't say I'm secretive about it. In fact, I guess I'm generally quite open about my struggles, maybe as a way to explain myself and avoid misunderstandings; but still, I'd say this is one of those topics I don't bring up too often, not too openly at least.

You see, I'm quite reticent to say it explicitly, because I feel like it could set expectations about me that I don't necessarily meet. At a first glance, I guess it could be rather hard to tell I struggle with such a thing, since I used to pride myself in being quite rational and logical, and also - most importantly, to be exact - I don't really meet all of the criteria, physically at least.

But still, I'd like you to believe me, because even I need that sort of favours once in a while, and because sometimes even I don't believe it.

I fluctuate a lot in this regard, and sometimes you could see me decimating a whole fridge without batting an eye, but also sometimes I'd probably reject a glass of water. And in both occasions, I don't have a second of peace, since my brain is wired to feel a certain way forever; an illness so silent but inescapable, that's what it is.

I'm telling you this because I don't feel too happy about my situation right now, just because I've realized that even in the best circumstances ever, my mind will always refuse to accept a truce.

The worst part is that after so much time living this way I'm unable to be mad about it, I don't really feel anything negative at all, I just think it is what it is. Just the way I'd say I'm a brunette with brown eyes and big lips, I think it's turned into one of my traits.

I once asked my psychologist if such a thing was even possible, leaving her puzzled. I asked something along the lines of "What if I don't need to recover? Could I simply live like this? What if it isn't something bad?"

My psychologist was basically battling me and my flawed logic every single week, until she gave up at last. Or I'd say we both gave up and silently agreed on the idea that I'm a lost cause.

Since that time, things have both improved and gotten worse over and over, like a never ending merry-go-round, always ending up in the same place. And maybe I should be ashamed to even think like this, but the only thing that bothers me is how this entire ordeal has remained dutifully fruitless. For sure, there are always some clues here and there about this situation, only if you squint.

In any case, what prompted this entire letter in the first place was the absolute nightmare I've been living these past few months. I've been battling the numbers for at least a month, since it looks like I've hit the most annoying plateau ever. So I'm not even mad about the truly disgusting things I've been doing - as it happens whenever I reach this point - but rather how pointless it all seems. No one even knows about it, so there's no one to laugh at me, but I feel like an absolute fool every single morning. Isn't it crazy how something so stupid can completely change the way I perceive the world?

I wake up so mad I can't bring myself to put on my customer service smile, and even my medicine isn't doing the trick now. You know how I told everyone I was taking it to improve my mood? Turns out it was all because it surpresses appetite, and when it comes to these things I become an A1 actress, a liar. I tell so many lies I even believe some of them sometimes.

But you know, the downside of this medicine is how it surpresses all kinds of appetite, even one of which I rely on to keep me happy as well, so surprisingly I've made the choice to opt out of it sometimes, despite knowing how arbitrary that is. Not like I'm ever going to police myself when it come to such decisions.

I want to tell you before I do it because I believe I should leave some sort of record when I venture into dumb journeys like this. Who knows, maybe it will be worth something for someone?

As for the nightmarish things I've done as a result of this condition, I think heaven knows enough.

- Yours, Regina

#regina's heart

[ben-solos-smile]

I hate that my professor keeps telling me to give more detail on my co-leader evaluations to help them grow... Like I feel bad and wish I could give more detail, especially because they've given me valuable feedback, but I get so nervous that everything flies out of my head as soon as it happens, so I legitimately can't remember anything

#also my brain just rejects the idea of telling someone what they need to improve on #so i just get stuck saying they had good ideas and were good at talking to group members #both of which are true #i feel really bad though #and i dont want the professor to think im being lazy #i sat there trying to come up with something #also i am the least qualified person to evaluate someones leadership #i wouldnt know a leadership skill if it smacked me in the face #she even used my name this time in the comment section when she told be to give more detail to help them grow #so now i feel even more guilty #BUT UNFORTUNATELY MA'AM YOU CANT GUILT ME INTO REMEMBERING THINGS THAT HAPPENED WHEN I WAS NERVOUS #although apparently i am perfectly capable of critique myself #but thats only bc i kick myself over my mistakes the entire group so theyre stuck in my head

[hes-writer]

Ruin

Summary: im not sure how to summarize this without spoiling the story

Warning: angst, bits of fluff here and there

Word Count; 4158 words

A/N: the long-awaited part 6 of the Tarnish series! A collab with @devilinbetweenthesheet-s. My attention span is short itself so I've decided to split it up into two parts.

UNEDITED

___

Harry tried to see the brighter side of the situation because it truly was something to look forward to. Having the chance to get to know Halo was something that he should be grateful for. As Y/N said, Harry did not deserve to be a part of her life, despite the fact that he was the father. And somewhere, somehow— he understood where she was coming from.

Harry honestly wouldn’t know what he would do if the roles were reversed; if Y/N were the one to have been cheating on him. He would not have a clue if Harry would be as kind to her as she was with him. If an outsider were to assess the situation between Harry and Y/N, they would definitely choose her side to be in favour of. So far, Harry still wasn’t able to pinpoint what exactly Y/N had done wrong for him to be swayed by an illicit affair. Was there even a moment in time that he could vividly see where he made the decision to just up and betrayed her trust? Because if there was; either his memory has gone to shit or Harry was more of a jerk than he served himself.

To put things into perspective, Y/N was the perfect partner and Harry had somehow lost sight of that by cheating on her. Don’t get him wrong; Camille was good, great, even. Yet Y/N was an amazing woman who knew exactly what she wanted. Coincidentally, those were the same type of things that Harry needed, too. As much as it pained him to say it, Camille’s rejection of their own little family made him rethink his decision-making process. Harry has learned more about himself in these past few months than he did in his entire lifetime.

For starters, he cleared it up that he had absolutely no excuse for cheating on Y/N except the fact that his retention span lasted a good few years before he was in search of something fresh; something new and exciting. Maybe it scared him just how serious she was in having a family in the future that his subconscious thought that Harry needed one last hurrah to get the infidelity out. Besides, divorces are more complicated when there are children involved.

Secondly, being with Camille was an infatuation that lasted for a long, three years—beginning while Harry was in a relationship with Y/N. Feelings were still there for sure, but he just didn’t know if it was enough to make him stay, especially when Y/N and baby Halo were right there waiting for him. They actually weren’t; Harry just liked to pretend that they were so that he could justify the consequences of his actions.

Camille was trying to make things work with him; Harry could see that. However, there were only so many things that she could do to improve their relationship before she had to change the choices that she had made years prior. Camille really didn’t want to say that she had refuted the idea of not having kids for the sake of making a relationship prosper, but maybe it was what she had to do to make him stay. She wanted a happy life with someone who wanted the same things as her. Harry wasn’t the man who shared a mutual agreement and she was pushed to question her options.

Nonetheless, Camille and Harry stuck with each other because they were all they knew for the past three and a half years. It was definitely ironic for Harry to say that he couldn’t just leave a three-year relationship behind for another woman; because he had done that before. Now, he was a hypocrite too? His ego cannot take it.

____

Connor wrapped his arms around Y/N’s middle as she washed the dishes in the sink. Their water heater was broken so the stream that came from the faucet sometimes teetered from freezing cold to extremely hot. Right now, she was scrubbing the sponge on the porcelain as quickly as possible while the water was at the right temperature.

Y/N turned her head to the side, pressing a kiss on Connor’s cheek. He rested his chin on her shoulder, bobbing up and down as she moved her arms.

“Is this really a good idea, baby?” Connor asked, staring at the way her lashes fluttered in a pregnant pause, taking a deep breath.

She nodded, reaching over slightly to rest the wet dish on the drying rack. “Halo deserves to at least know her real father,”

And it was true. What kind of mother would Y/N be if she kept a secret like that from her own daughter? The past two years was a constant ping-pong battle of reaching out to Harry and sharing the news to him; then, Y/N would be hit with a shot of realization, wondering if this would ruin his current lifestyle.

“I understand. What if he leaves again? Hate to remind you but Harry left you once before, don’t think he’ll hesitate to do so again,”

She froze at Connor’s words. Y/N was aware that he only said that in good faith, to remind her of how hurt she was at the time and just how long it took for her to be able to finally breathe again.

One side of Y/N urged to still defend Harry. She wanted to turn and around, yell at him because Connor doesn’t know Harry as she does. Harry wasn’t the type to build a child’s dreams up only for him to personally manhandle the heart and crush it in his fist. There was a reason why he was a godfather to so many kids; Ruby, Arlo and Jackson—because he was capable. Harry was a nurturing father who put himself on the back burner in favour of making sure that the little ones were safe and secured. He had no problem being third if it meant that the kids were first, then Y/N, then him.

It all sounded so good in Y/N’s head; so well-rehearsed and very well thought out. The monologue that had somehow stuck in the sides of her brain like a script taped to the wall, ready for the time it needed to be recited. The shredded pieces of paper also reminded her that Y/N might’ve known Harry before, but she certainly doesn’t anymore. In fact, she knew just as much as Connor did.

Just like Y/N had grown and evolved into a new person, Harry was not the same guy he once was when they were together.

“I told him the consequences if he did,”

Connor pulled back, stepping away from her. “But wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t take that chance? Who knows what he might do. . .” He trailed off, grabbing a dry rag to wipe the water dripping from the dish.

Y/N took a leap of faith in letting Harry in. He was a wild card. He could promise one thing but would mean another. Or he could recite a vow and completely annihilate the person as he did with her. Yet somehow, Y/N couldn’t resist the opportunity to give him one chance. Maybe it was because a small part of her craved to re-create a happy family that they had always wanted.

“It’s a risk. I know that” Y/N rinsed a cup, swirling the water in circles. She felt like that whenever Harry was around.

“So why are you still doing it?” Y/N opened her mouth to answer, “And tell me the truth this time, yeah?”

Her boyfriend stared at her with an unreadable emotion in his eyes, lips drew taut in a straight line and arms were crossed over his broad chest. The pressure was immense on Y/N’s shoulders. She was torn between admitting what she had buried deep below the sand or simply glossing over it like a figure skater. Nonetheless, Y/N was on thin ice.

For years, she had flicked away the remaining feelings that stayed with her. But they were persistent in sticking by her side. It wasn’t like Y/N could completely erase Harry from her life--from who she was. She still dressed like him, evidenced by the matching pair of Gucci loafers she chose not to wear for the night in fear that he would coincidentally be sporting the same footwear.

Furthermore, they had a child together! Halo was the spitting image of him. It was hard not to be reminded by a man she once loved when their little baby was both of them mixed in one. So did Y/N still love Harry? She couldn’t deny how much her heart fluttered seeing him stutter over his words at the park. Y/N just wasn’t sure if it was from anxiety and nervousness or excitement and anticipation.

Unbeknownst to the couple, Harry had sneakily closed a sleeping Halo’s bedroom door. His trek back to the kitchen was slow, slightly afraid of the awaiting talk he and Y/N--and possibly Connor-- have yet to have. Harry wanted to be there for Halo and for Y/N every step of the way, but he knew that Y/N would not allow him around if his intentions were to cater to a relationship with her. She was already tolerating him as is.

Standing behind the thin wall that acted as a partition from the hallway to the kitchen, Harry carefully placed his hands against the barrier to steady himself. He didn’t know if his legs could take whatever answer would spill from Y/N’s mouth. If she admitted her true feelings, he would stumble and melt into a puddle. He would be confused, but Harry wouldn’t be opposed to it; he was in a relationship after all. If she denied it--which was the more likely option--, his heart would break silently in his chest.

Harry numbed himself of the guilt raking at his ankles. He was well aware that this was a private conversation but hey; it was not his fault that he had ears straining to listen to Y/N’s reply.

“Do you still love him?” Connor followed up, voice grim. Almost fearful to find out the truth. Harry was, too.

Y/N paused her thoughts as well as her actions, flinching at the sudden intrusion of Connor’s question. She flinched, yelping a little and jumping backwards when the broken water heater subdued the filtering liquid into a burning hot splatter on her skin. Connor picked his feet up in alarm, grabbing at Y/N’s wrist to see the minor injury on the back of her palm.

“Ow!” Y/N whisper-shouted, soothing the ache by situating it between her thighs before shakily showing it to Connor; the doctor.

“Let me see, baby,”

Harry peeked his head around the corner, almost losing his cover with the way his feet instantaneously wanting to move towards a hurting Y/N. Good thing he caught himself. Surely they would put two and two together and realize that Harry was eavesdropping.

That decision came with a laceration to his heart. Harry got a first-class ticket to register that the couple was everything he and Y/N were. The pet names, the domesticity of their actions. The caring glances and constant check-ups.

Deciding to come out of hiding, Harry almost had a heart attack when he turned the corner and was met face to face with Connor. His brows had dipped in worry, face determined to grab some cream to apply to the burn from their first-aid kit in the bathroom. Harry guessed that his whizzing thoughts failed to hear the quiet instruction.

The man jolted in surprise, stopping quickly in his tracks, “Oh hey! Is Halo asleep?” Connor gave him a smile despite the confusion etching in his forehead. Harry nodded dumbly, lips pursing like a fish. “Y/N’s just burned her hand, nothing too serious though,”

He looked over his shoulder to see Y/N eyeing the both of them suspiciously, still clutching the burnt skin close to her. “Oh, I see,”

Connor smacked a firm hand on his shoulder, stepping around him to grab the cream. Harry walked towards Y/N, noticing that she was soothing the painful ache with ice wrapped in layers of tissue. She was softly hissing through her teeth once in a while.

“You okay?”

She tilted her head at him, appearing to be dazed out in her thoughts. “Yeah, uh, nothing too bad,”

Harry kept his distance, leaning on the other side of the counter. He started off by saying, “Thank you for giving me this chance,”

Y/N graced him with a smile, standing up straighter when Connor appeared with a tube in his hand. Harry watched as he unscrewed the cap, placing it beside her. He squeezed a bit of the cream unto his fingertip before applying it directly on Y/N’s skin. She winced, wanting to pull her wrist away from his grip but Connor didn’t let her, “It’s gonna be fine, baby,”

He pressed a kiss to her temple, continuing to rub circles on the burn until Y/N visibly relaxed through slouched shoulders and less shaky breaths.

Harry was staring at them like a kicked puppy. He was fussy and frustrated all in one. He wanted the attention that Y/N was giving Connor. He wanted to be Connor, but both of them were too wrapped up in their little love bubble to notice Harry’s squinted eyes and pinched brows.

He was frustrated because even if he wasn’t the direct cause of her pain, Harry had somehow found a way to continue hurting her and Connor was always there to pacify his wrongful actions. Harry hated that this was how fate had planned his life.

Harry cleared his throat, raising a fist to his mouth, “Think I should go,” His thumb pointed over his shoulder, “Uh thank you again,”

Y/N snapped her head to him, gaze lowering in a timid manner as if she forgot that he was even there in the first place. Connor was the first to reply, “Alright, man. See you whenever,” He capped the tub, shoving it in his back pocket to return to its place.

She leaned on her tiptoes to press a kiss on his lips, muttering something in his ear that had Connor teasingly wrapping his hands on her hips. Harry looked away, taking long strides to the entryway instead.

“Harry, wait!”

He shuddered at the memory of the words that had changed his life when Gemma told him the truth. Harry’s shoe was half-way one when he turned around. “Yeah?”

Y/N was holding a folded brochure, “Halo has a recital this weekend for her dance class,” She handed it to him, “Maybe you’d want to go? You can bring Camille if you want but I think it would be better if you didn’t. She’s still new to this and I don’t want her asking too many questions until she can unders--,”

“I’ll go,” Harry cut her off, unfolding the folded paper. The venue was about twenty minutes away from his place. It was only an hour-long considering the skill set of two-year-olds but it was a fun way for parents to cheer on their little ones. Harry’s previously sour mood was now replaced with giddiness at the sight of his daughter in a pretty pink tutu, twirling on her feet. He was sure that Halo was born to become a performer like him.

She sighed in relief, puffing her cheeks out cutely, “It’s a private dance class. Pretty high end so the security should be okay,”

And there it was again. The constant reminder that Harry was otherworldly to some people. As much as he loved living his lifestyle, he sometimes wished that he was a normie. That was a lot to ask for considering his current situation with his daughter, but a man can dream.

“Got it,”

Y/N leaned over to show him the back of the leaflet, “Just show them this ticket and security should let you in. Halo wanted me to give that to you because she was too shy earlier. I know it’s short notice but I guess she was comfortable enough to ask you,”

Harry blushed at the admittance, mentally patting himself at the back for making his daughter feel at ease in a short amount of time.

“I’ll be there,” He pushed his heel to adorn his sneakers. Y/N bit her lip, she looked hesitant, “It’s okay if you don’t want to go, by the way. I can explain that you’re busy. She’ll probably understand,”

He placed a hand on her shoulder. Harry wasn’t going to ruin his progressive relationship with his daughter on ‘probably’. “Y/N, s’alright. No problem, yeah? I’ll be there,”

___

Where was he?

It was two days after the dinner and Harry’s promise of attending Halo’s recital was vanishing with each passing second. Every time the hand of the clock ticked to indicate that another minute had elapsed. Harry still wasn’t jogging through the carpeted middle of the small theatre to where Connor and Y/N were seated. Two empty seats were left at the end of the aisle to aid Harry--and possibly Camille--a smooth arrival without creating any distractions.

There were only five minutes left before the stage crew were to dim the spotlights illuminating the room. Y/N was checking her watch what felt like every second, clicking her phone on and off once in a while worried that something may have happened to Harry. Maybe security wouldn’t let him in. The gnawing feeling at the pit of her stomach suggested that Harry just forgot the event tonight but Y/N would cross the bridge when they got to it. Regardless, her nerves were left unsettled as swallowing proved to be more difficult with the way a sip of her water had her gulping audibly. Connor wasn’t there to lend a soft hand on her upper back to help her breathe.

Speaking of, Connor had taken the initiative to visit Halo backstage. The ballet teacher was growing weary of the way the little dancer ran out from beside the stage to stop in front of her parents, asking, “Where’s Hawwy?”.

Halo had done it three times in hopes of receiving an answer aside from, “He’s not here yet,” Y/N tucked a fallen strand of hair from the otherwise sleek bun from beside her cheeks. Her daughter’s form slouching as her pretty eyes watered slightly, “He’s not coming? You told me he was coming, mama,”

Y/N glanced at Connor nervously, being met with an ‘I-told-you-so’ look which didn’t really help the situation. Luckily, the teacher had approached them with a clipboard on hand, searching for the ballerina. The teacher had suggested that one of them stay with her behind the curtain until the show began. Connor volunteered.

“Better hope he comes or else we’ll have to deal with the consequences. I really don’t want to see her heartbroken before of a promise he couldn’t keep,” Connor muttered, following the woman but not before thumbing circles on Y/N’s flushed cheek.

Y/N knew that he meant well. She also didn’t want to comfort a heartbroken Halo because Harry failed to show up where he promised he would be. And now, with a little less than two minutes before showtime, Connor was sent back beside her. Parents were being ushered to find their seats before the lights dimmed and it would be difficult to maneuver through knees and legs.

“Is he here?” Connor questioned, draping a hand on her shaking knee. Y/N shook her head, casting another glance at the auditorium doors. He waved at Halo who peeked her head between the silk curtains, wandering eyes looking at the empty seat beside Y/N.

“No. Hasn’t texted or answered his phone either,” Y/N was about to dial Harry’s contact once more in a desperate attempt to reach him. However, the dimming lights indicated that it was too late. Connor laced their fingers together, offering apologetic eyes and a tight-lipped smile; they would have to nurse a broken heart later tonight.

_____

Harry was in the middle of buttoning his patterned shirt, staring at his reflection in the mirror to silently judge his fashion choice for the night. Was it too much for a kids’ ballet recital? He deemed that it was, stretching his arms to remove the fabric adorning his chest, moving to grab the pink, flamingo patterned shirt instead. He took his time, granted that he had about an hour before the recital started.

He smoothed the fabric over his broad shoulders, pausing when Camille walked in. Harry locked his green eyes at her through the mirror as she walked to their shared bed, sitting at the foot of it.

“What d’ya think?”

She hummed in response, absentmindedly nodding in agreement when Harry asked if it was good. Both Camille and Harry had talked about his relationship with Halo as soon as she landed at the airport. He didn’t want to keep any secrets from her. Fortunately, Camille was very understanding of his situation, offering him support and encouragement to build a bond with his daughter.

What Camille didn’t reveal was that she was a bit antsy of Harry’s relationship with Y/N. She meant everything she had said to him, but it was no guarantee that Harry would ignite another connection with his ex-girlfriend. Not that Camille didn’t trust him. It was just a bit concerning because she believed that how a relationship starts is how it will end. Harry certainly had a history of straying away from his present partner.

Harry was currently in their walk-in closet, finding a pair of slacks that weren't too formal or casual. Camille mulled the thoughts in her head. She loved Harry dearly and would do anything for him. Well, anything except having children of their own. He had mostly accepted her decision, only wincing a little when the topic of a family was brought up by mutual friends and family once in a while.

Truth to be told, Camille was scared. She was afraid that Harry would leave for Y/N because she had Halo. They were the family that he had always wanted and although Camille wasn’t too keen on giving him the same; she was debating on it.

“How’s this, Cam?” Harry retreated with two pairs of pants. On one hand was a pair of straight-leg skinny jeans that he hadn’t worn in years. The other held brown, corduroy, striped slacks. “Or this one?”

She bit her lip, standing up slowly, walking over to him. “What do I think?”

He nodded, innocently jutting his bottom lip at her as he looked back and forth.

Camille swathed her hands on his shoulders, ghosting her mouth over his ear, “I think I like you better without them,” Her finger traced his collarbone, swirling at the dip of his throat. “Without anything,”

Harry gulped harshly. He felt Camille unbuttoning his shirt, gliding her palms downwards until she was cupping his bulge, “Camille, wait,” He flicked his watch to check the time. It took twenty minutes to get there, maybe even more with traffic and parking.

She dragged him to the bed by the ends of his opened shirt, locking her lips with his plush ones. He rested a knee on the mattress, his hands at the back of her head as Camille continued to pull him down.

Pulling away, Harry panted, “What are you doin’?” He laid his creased forehead on hers.

Camille supported herself on her hands, moving her face back until she was able to get a clear view of his perplexed expression, “I was thinking that maybe we could. . . try having a baby, H,” Her voice was soft, almost timid and she was doing her best not to break eye contact to show her sincerity.

Harry gasped in surprise, “Wha--? Really? Are you serious?” His tone gained a pitch as excitement enthralled his senses. The smile on his face was wide and reached his bright eyes. “Baby, are you sure?”

Camille nodded, grinning softly. “Yes,’

“Oh my--this is. . .,” Harry pulled at the locks of his hair, pacing around the room. “This is great! Our own family. Jesus. I can’t believe it,” Tears sprung on his corneas.

He kneeled between her legs, taking her wrist and pressing a gentle kiss on her skin, murmuring ‘I love you’ repeatedly.

“Are you going to keep doing that?” Camille asked, spreading her legs rhetorically. Harry observed her position, nodding enthusiastically.

Another glance at his watch indicated that Harry was absolutely pushing it with being late to Halo’s recital. Yet one enchanting kiss from Camille wiped his thoughts clean. He was getting what he wanted; a family of his own.

___

Let us know what you thought! The seventh part of the Tarnish series will be uploaded on Patreon on Sept 29!

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#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles oneshot #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles drabble #harry styles angst #harry styles series #harry styles writing #harry styles blurb

[zukkoxx]

confessing to you!

w/ bakugo, deku, shoto

bakugo 💥 (forced confession)

bakugo refused to admit he had a crush

it didn’t matter how obvious it was, he’d always deny it.

when people called him out about the way he yelled at you a little quieter than usual,

or that he put up with you more than his other classmates

or that he actually asked you if you were okay when he sent you a big blow during a sparring match,

he’d just make an excuse. saying he didn’t want to deal with your whining.

which was completely out of your character

you were as big of a hot head as him, which is probably one of the reasons why he liked you.

the point is, he would have to be held at gun point to confess to you. or so he thought.

denki knew about the blond’s little crush, without his knowledge. and the little bastard mustered up a plan to encourage him to confess.

it was monday, and present mic had just assigned a group project to the class for the week.

naturally, you, momo, denki, and bakugo became one group, being people that worked well together.

it wasn’t long before you finished the project, and by thursday, you and the others began practicing the presentation and making a few final edits.

however, this particular day, denki seemed to be acting strange.

for one, he didn’t sit next to momo like he usually did. he slid into the seat next to you, where bakugo usually sat.

he was also more flirty than usual. a lot more than the playful banter he did to get you flustered.

“oh y/n, you’re so smart! your part of the presentation looks amazing. i like a girl with some brains ya know ;)”

“y/nnn can you pronounce this word for me? wahhh it sounds much better coming from you!”

“hey y/n, what do you say i take you in a date tonight? sounds fun right!”

those types of comments continued on throughout the class until the next period bell rang and everyone began to part ways.

denki rushed out of the classroom, speed walking to his next class, knowing his angry friend would be after him.

he didn’t get far though, when a hand grabbed his collar and pushed him against a locker. denki looked up at the red eyes of his friend, shivering in fear.

“what the hell was that stunt you pulled back there dunceface!?” bakugo asked, coming severely close to the sparky boy.

“i-i-i don’t know what you’re talking about dude!”

“do you think i’m stupid? you were flirting with y/n right in front of me! you know how i feel about them-” bakugo stopped himself before he said too much, but a familiar smirk was already spreading across denki’s face.

“so you do like them?”

“obviously dumbass. but here’s no way in hell i’d tell them.” bakugo scoffed.

“why nottt?” denki whined

“i doubt they like me anyways! and besides, i don’t need another side character clinging onto me. it’s a stupid little crush. i’ll be over it in no time.”

“that sounds like loser talk to me bakugo.” denki shrugged.

“what the heck do you mean you idiot!?” bakugo yelled.

“i mean...you wouldn’t want someone else to confess to y/n right? someone with the balls to try to get them. they’re pretty cute...i might even try myself-” denki’s sentence was cut off by a flashy slap to his neck.

“as if i’d let some low life extra confess to them before me. especially not you!” bakugo yelled. “i’ll confess to them. i’ll confess and they’ll accept it....or dieee.”

friday had rolled around, and you had approached your locker at the end of the day.

opening it, you stepped back in surprise when a singular rose fell out of it.

you picked it up, and proceeded to read the note that was attached to it.

i like you...you idiot. i don’t know how you haven’t figured it out yet, but i like you. meet me at my dorm tonight so i can say it in person. >:(

- katsuki bakugo

deku 🥦 (accidental confession)

getting izuku to confess was a pain in the ass.

he wanted to, he really did

but his shyness and overthinking didn’t allow him.

every time he would get close to trying to confess, he thought of all the possible ways it could go wrong

what if they didn’t like me back?

what is i mess up and totally ruin everything?

usually, izuku was thankful for the way his brain was able to come up with many solutions for different situations.

it was especially useful in his training to becoming a hero.

but at this moment, he just wished his brain didn’t think so much!

in reality, there had always been a mutual pining going on between the two of you.

you liked him too, but you never thought about confessing.

he was trying to become the number one pro-hero, and always had so much going on. there’s no way he would be thinking about being in a relationship right now.

so, it had been like that for a few months. a constant pattern where you and izuku would smile at each other sweetly, or you’d compliment each other during training.

he’d walk you to your dorm when it was late at night, and give you tips on how you could improve your hand on hand combat.

honestly, people from the other classes already thought you two were dating, and you even confused your classmates when you’d act like a complete couple in front of them.

maybe it was the god’s of fate who were tired of the both of you silently gushing over each other....not so silently

but whatever compelled izuku to say what he did, you thanked it.

it was lunch time, and you and izuku were in an intense conversation about your hero internships.

you were telling him about how you helped your boss catch and detain a criminal. you were really proud of yourself, considering you basically did it all by yourself since the hero you were interning was caught up with some other thugs.

izuku listened in interest, smiling wider as you told your story.

“that’s amazing, y/n!”

“thanks izuku! honestly in the beginning i thought i wouldn’t be able to catch him, but i kept trying. plus ultra right?” you teased.

“of course y/n. see, that’s why i like you so much. you have so much passion and integrity that i admire so much!” the green haired boy beamed.

it was silent for a few seconds while you both processed what he said.

when izuku realized he basically threw himself under the bus, he tried to deny it.

“i-i mean-”

“you like me?” you asked hesitantly, hoping you heard him right.

“NO! i mean- sure i-” he stopped himself before he said anything else he’d regret. he decided it was finally time to come clean. “yes...i like you y/n. i have for a while now.” he sighed.

shit, here comes the rejection....

“why didn’t you say anything sooner!?” you asked, making izuku look at you in shock.

“w-what?”

“i like you too izuku...” you shyly confessed. “i didn’t knowing you felt the same. i just thought you were being your usual nice self.”

“well i do like you y/n. and i’m glad you like me back.” izuku sighed, softly taking a few of your fingers in his hand.

“yeah...i am too.”

shoto ❄️🔥(straightforward confession)

honestly, todoroki was the most oblivious as it could get when having a crush.

he didn’t really understand the idea of romance or love, having his childhood being stripped from the emotion.

so when he felt his heart tug a little more when you smiled at him, it confused him.

when he found himself wanting to know how your day went, he wondered why he cared so much.

he thought you were like every other one of his friends, but there was obviously something more.

so, he tired to distance himself from you to try to figure out what he was feeling.

maybe being away for a while would let him get his head straight.

it had been a few weeks, and you noticed he talked to you a lot less than usual. there wasn’t anymore soft smiles when you walked into class in the morning

and he didn’t even walk with you to the classes you shared like he usually did.

when you approached him to ask about it, he shut you down quickly. “i’ve just been busy, y/n.”

you decided to respect his decision. maybe he just didn’t want to be friends anymore.

but that was completely the opposite!

it was so hard being away from you. every minute he wondered what you were doing and if you hated his guts for shutting you out.

as a last attempt, he went to ochako to get answers. maybe she would help him figure out what was going on in his head.

“todoroki...you have a crush.” she stated as if it was the most obvious thing.

it was

a crush?

he supposed she right. why else would he be feeling this way? yeah. he definitely liked you.

so he didn’t let the confusion linger, heading to your dorm right after realizing.

he knocks on your door, and you peak out to see who it was.

“oh? hey shoto.” you muttered, opening the door a little more. “hi y/n. i just wanted to say...i’m sorry for ignoring the last few weeks, and i like you.”

you stood frozen, shocked by the sudden confession.

“if you don’t feel the same, it’s unfortunate, but i respect it.” shoto added, feeling eerie at your silence.

“i do!” you blurted out. “i like you too.”

he smiled, finally feeling content.

~~ be sure to send request on what you’d like me to write about here!-> 🥀

#my hero fanfic #my hero imagines #bakugou x you #mha bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugo x y/n #deku #deku x reader #deku x y/n #deku x you #izuku x you #todoroki shōto #todoroki x reader #shoto x reader #shoto x you

[www-artforoddballs]

Alright, so notice. Most of you probably know this, since you're following me for the Autistic Levi stuff (thank you, we're closing in on 100 followers!!!!), but people with autism can have "tantrums". I've kinda touched on this in a previous post (it's a full meltdown, but you can see that post here https://www-artforoddballs.tumblr.com/post/644803780958879744/autistic-levi-angstkinda-i-guess-this-is-him). For those of you who DON'T know, an autistic tantrum is not the same thing as what you'd think of in regards to a toddler or kid, it's just the word used for it. This is a mistake my mother and I made when getting the paperwork done while I was going through testing that later got cleared up lol

I had a tantrum yesterday, and so I figured that I could post about Leviathan having a tantrum, since it's still ready on my mind. I don't care if anyone else is proud of me for coping with it as well as I did, since it's a major improvement from last time I had one, but I am proud of myself!...with that in mind, here we go!!

There will be some angst in this post, like the last post in relation to this one, but like the last post, it turns out fine.

However.

Trigger warning for things such as self harm, both physical and verbal. If you or a loved one is self harming, either reach out to someone for help or reach out to that person to help, yeah?

OK on with the post.

-------------

First of all, Levi's autism is part of why his brothers always agree to help when there's a raffle for tickets or something like that on the DDD messages, because he can get overwhelmed if they don't at least help, even if he doesn't win in the end.

They figured out that his autism was the culprit for this shortly after his diagnosis.

Now when I'm writing for Levi, I like to think that his diagnosis was around the early 1990s since, while autism was a separate diagnosis in 1980, it didn't really start becoming fairly accepted and expanded upon until 1987. Hence why everyone is mostly used to it by now, but are still sometimes off put by his odd behavior; for them, as beings that have been around since...the beginning of the universe, pretty much as far as we know, but for at LEAST since humans were around (so at VERY least 2.5 million years now, but potentially up to around 7 million years (if they haven't been around since the beginning of creation)), this would be like...I dunno, give me a second.

Waiting

Waiting...

Okay, so from 1990(earliest year I have in mind) to 2019 (the year it was released) is 29 years. That's a minimum of 1/86,206.89th of their lifespan, and a maximum of 1/475,862,068.96th of their total lifetime.

So this is a VERY recent development for them on the grand scheme of things, but I digress.

So they're still figuring everything out, especially as the human race continues to learn about the condition itself.

So the first time Levi threw a tantrum and they recognized it for what it was...it was certainly interesting.

What had happened was exactly the situation described; Levi had wanted to go to a concert in the human world and they were raffling off free tickets. Except, unlike now, his brothers hadn't offered their support. They hadn't in the past, why would this time be any different?

Except now they viewed it through a different light. Leviathan had an image in his head that he desired so badly and had asked his brothers to support him, hopeful, only to be rejected at every turn. That he was used to, but it was still upsetting.

He put that to the side, though. He really wanted to see this band, and these were VIP tickets where you got to hang out with the band for a few hours after the concert! They'd cost a LOT of human money, and while they COULD afford it, he knew Lucifer would be bringing hell down upon him if he used that amount of family funds on a concert. And his anxiety was already somewhat raised, so he decided to enter the raffle on his own.

He sat there for hours, waiting for the results to come in. He'd hyped this up in his brain the entire time; He'd win, go to an amazing concert, have dinner with the band, maybe even make some friends....!...and then the results came back. He hadn't won.

As per usual, our snek boi went into one of his rants about how unfair it was, but instead of going on a rampage or something like that, locked himself up in his room and cried, hating himself for getting so excited over nothing.

As I mentioned before, I've made another post about a tantrum/getting too overwhelmed slipping into something even more dire, as that's almost always what happens to me. This would be in the 90s, so this would be their first real incident with one of these moments where they had the proper diagnosis, so bear with me, there will be some angst here, but like the other post, it'll be fine.

So Mammon ends up feeling bad for rejecting his little brother, and, not knowing it was too late, decided to go to his room and offer his support. It was almost Leviathan's birthday anyways, and Mammon knew how rejection felt and how much it sucked. So, he knocked on Leviathan's door.

No response. He knocked again...still no response, but a quiet sob.

Right away, Mammon switched from semi-carefree to worried. "Levi...?"

Again, no response. He decided to just go in and check on his brother...

The door was locked. And he smelled blood.

"Leviathan, I need you to open the door," Mammon said with a half hearted chuckle, his voice now becoming slightly strained. "Because if ya don't, I'm gonna have t' break the door down."

"Just go away!" Leviathan cried from inside his room. "Just leave me alone, you jerk!"

"I ain't goin' anywhere. Either open the door or I'm gonna break it down. Those are your two choices."

A moment of silence, before Mammon sighs, stretching, as he transforms into his demon form.

"Alright, option two it is."

He rammed into the door repeatedly, before the wood finally splintered and fell to the ground with a loud thud. Mammon quickly looked around, eyes widening as he saw Leviathan digging his own sharpened nails into his arms, multiple raked wounds, made by the same culprit, carved into his skin.

"Levi...look at ya..." Mammon said, voice faltering, tears welling up in his eyes. "I...how long has..."

"Just shut up! Don't act like you care about me, I'm the freak of our family, remember?! I'm the one whose brain isn't right, I'm just a shut-in, good for nothing, re-!"

He was quickly cut off by Mammon going to him and hugging him.

"I don't care who you are. You talk about my brother like that again and I'll kill you. Alright? You're a little off, but you ain't a freak, and your brain works just fine as is. You're perfect just the way you are, and if anybody else says any different, I'm gonna beat them the fuck up. Including you. Got that? So what if you've got that fancy lable on ya now...? Labels like that matter, but it didn't change ya. You're still my cringe, annoying as hell little weirdo of a brother...and I wouldn't have ya any other way."

Leviathan fully listened to Mammon talk, before clinging to him, breaking down sobbing again, and trying to explain what happened through his tears, the older demon gently rubbing his back and allowing him to cry it out, making sure no more harm was done.

A while later, once Levi had calmed down, Mammon ruffled his hair.

"Let's get you cleaned up, yeah? Lucifer is already gonna kill me for breaking your door, but he'd be even more pissed if I just left you here with those wounds."

So they did. And Mammon, after telling a VERY angry Lucifer what had happened hours later, had surprisingly NOT gotten chewed out by the eldest brother. Instead, that day, the entire family had a long discussion, and they all agreed that if it was something as small as entering a raffle, or even if it was bigger but not an inconvenience to anyone in the slightest, they'd all help out from then on. It's not like it was hard, and it would save Levi from hours of stress and negativity toward himself and others around him.

They also made a plan for if a tantrum were to happen while someone was around, or if he became too overwhelmed and started to spiral...because, as annoying as he could be, Leviathan was still family. And they loved him, oddities and all.

---------------

Alright, so...that was the post! I hope it was okay. I know I've written about this type of thing before a little, but different situations can end up with the same negative outcome, like being in an overwhelming situation, or not being able to change your thinking and not easily being able to get over your expectations. I've personally suffered with both, and it's a regular thing for me, so I like writing about it, because maybe, just maybe, it'll help someone out, or help someone that isn't autistic understand a friend or relative or classmate or employee better. And I love these characters, I really do. The only ironic thing is that I see so much of myself in Leviathan, but I adore him and despise myself. Go figure 😂

Regardless, I hope you enjoyed, and if there's anything you guys have questions about (in regards to me and my experience), or any specific writing requests, asks are fully open!

Thanks so much for being here to support me, you have no idea how much it means to a little oddball such as myself.

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me leviathan #obey me belphie #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #autism obey me #obey me autism #obey me neurodivergent #neurodivergent #leviathan autism #autism #headcannons #obey me hcs

[neurodihuegent]

[PART ONE] Huey's character development: season 1 to season 3.

with ducktales 2017 coming to a close in less than two weeks, i thought that now was best of all times to create a post of how i think huey has developed as a character throughout all three seasons. please remember, this post is just based on how I see his character development, and you're free to have your own ideas and/or not agree with all of my points!

1.) learning to adjust to new environments/accepting failures: When we were first introduced to huey's character, one of the biggest take aways was that he's a very "by the book" kind of a person, and has a hard time adjusting to foreign environments or situations that he will need to go with the flow and what he already knows, rather than doing everything by the book.

This was mainly introduced in "The Terror of the Terrafirmians!" in season one, where we could literally see Huey scrambling to make sense of the situation, and at some points, spouting out B.S. to make sense of the situation in his head. While he did end up coming to terms that the Terrafirmians are in fact, very real, he still only decided to believe it once it was documented in his Junior Woodchuck Guidebook.

Progressively throughout the show, we see Huey being put in situations where he has to be able to think quick on his feet rather than anxiously try to sort out all that he knows from the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook. Because of his personality, Huey not only had a hard time adjusting to foreign environments, but it's also been shown that he has a hard time accepting set backs as well. From what we've seen, it's easy to infer that when Huey has his mind set on something, he will do nothing short of achieving that goal: And when said goal is not achieved, or is starting to look like it won't be achieved, he takes it very personally.

This is especially seen in "The Infernal Internship of Mark Beaks!" and "The Challenge of the Senior Junior Woodchuck!": Where in "The Infernal Internship of Mark Beaks", even though Huey was definitely more qualified for the position by a significant amount, when Dewey got the position, his first instinct was to get angry instead of congratulate his brother: Granted, Dewey wasn't completely deserving of the position over Huey, and at this point, Huey was just a kid still learning how to manage his emotions, but his instictive reaction tells a lot about his character at the time. Thankfully, we see this progress with "The Challenfe of the Senior Junior Woodchuck!", where Huey is once again put in a situation where the odds were against him, considering that this time around, Violet was more qualified and prepared for the position than he was. At first, Huey does take this badly, getting super anxious that he'll have to do a challenging, dangerous course that no 11-12 year old probably should be doing, on his lonesome without even the help of the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook, which has been shown to be a source of comfort for Huey. At one point, he is only surviving through the course by creating a talking Junior Woodchuck Guidebook in his head, but even that goes south as he gets so overwhelmed and anxious to the point where he sets it on fire in his head. Eventually, noticing how far he's fallen behind Violet, and realizing how deserving she is of the title over him despite his love for everything Junior Woodchucks, he is able to come to terms with the fact that he lost, and instead of getting upset or beating himself up for it, he gracefully allows her to be announced as the winner, and shows her his full support. This is meaningful, because if this was season 1 Huey, we honestly can not say that his reaction to his loss would've been the same: He probably would've gotten a lot more upset about it than he actually did in season 3.

"Quack Pack!", despite somewhat being more of a comedic episode, also sheds light on how Huey's learned to adjust with a change in environment: He was the first character (other than Donald, who was fully aware) to pick up on the fact that they are in an alternate universe, set inside of a 1990s sitcom, and becomes increasingly anxious about it as a result, especially since everyone was pretty much oblivious of it at first. However despite this, when the family confronts Donald about the wish, while Donald does make a compelling point of how this scenario gives them a sense of normalcy and security, Huey also brings up the fact that despite the hardships they may face, adventuring is an integral part of their new found family. Even though Huey has always been pretty enthusiastic about adventuring, especially in comparison to Louie and pre-season 3 Donald, there has been times where adventuring has caused him anxiety due to being confronted with new settings or situations that he doesn't immediately know how to handle, so considering this, I think that line alone has shown the great improvement Huey has made with adjusting.

2.) embracing "The Duke": in the first two seasons, while we always had somewhat of an idea that huey was the triplet that inherited the infamous McDuck anger, "The Duke" wasn't something that was necessarily explored much in the first two seasons, leading people to believe that it was just for comedic plot. However, in season 3, we finally got an image of what "The Duke" actually is and represents, alongside with how Huey truly feels about this side of him.

Based on my perception of "The Split Sword of Swanstantine", Huey sees The Duke as an entire separate entity from himself rather than just how far his anger can really go, decides to completely reject this side and keep it locked away in his brain. Of course, we've had our early season moments where The Duke "slipped out", but for the most part, leading up to The Split Sword of Swanstantine, we never really got a full glimpse of what exactly the Duke is: and given his personality, it makes sense as to why Huey was rejecting this side of him instead. Not only does The Duke represent one of Huey's most vulnerable states, but knowing how far his anger can go, goes completely against the side of his personality that he does allow to shine: Being orderly, being well put together, and being the brain of his sibling trio, which being blinded by anger would all deter. Despite the strength that embracing his anger gives him, Huey obviously still sees it as a weakness, because it's the side of him he doesn't want people to see, especially those closest to him, because before the events of The Split Sword, Huey didn't exactly have the greatest control of his anger, so while nobody would want to think of it, no one knows how far he could really go if he's pissed enough.

However, thanks to the encouragement of Lena, Huey was finally able to embrace that side of him, and fully gain control over his anger which is something we don't typically see with the infamous McDuck Anger, given that the only way he could defeat Steelbeak who had an obvious advantage, was to tap into his true strength. The biggest takeaway Huey got from this situation, is that his anger shouldn't be treated as if it's a separate entity, or as if it's something to be embarassed of, but to truly embrace that side of himself, and learn how to control it, all things that he was able to accomplish by the end of "The Split Sword of Swanstantine".

3.) building new relationships:

Since season one, it's been hinted that Huey does struggle a bit on the friendship aspect of things. He does have very close relationships with his brothers and Webby, but even these can be hindered by clashing personalities and differing interests. Even though it's fairly obvious that HDLW all love and support each other like family, Huey has never really exactly been shown to have a bond with someone where he shares completely similar interests: Now, this isn't really important in friendship, often times opposites attract even down to the friendship aspect, but it is nice to have someone where you can just sit and chat about similar interests, and do stuff together that you'll both enjoy.

The first time we've gotten a hint at Huey struggling with making friends was in "The Day of the Only Child!", where, if the Beagle Brothers didn't show up, Huey would've been out of luck with finding two other participants for the three-man cookout, considering that everyone else was already paired up and Louie and Dewey were already off doing their own things for the day. Also hinted in that same episode, is the fact that Huey make struggle with loneliness as well (Huey "Be horribly alone." Dewey: "For once!"), given that he's spent most if not all of his life constantly with his brothers and Donald, so even if him and his brothers did have fall outs every here and there, he could always rely on them to be there given that outside of them, he didn't rely have any other friends.

Now, this somewhat turns around in season 2, when we're introduced to Fenton, who Huey not only idolizes as Gizmoduck, but looks at like a genuine best friend and most likely, as an older brother figure. Besides Huey's admiration of Gizmoduck, it's been shown that they bond over their similar interest in science, and in general, Huey is constantly looking out for Fenton and always wanting to protect his best friend from any danger or hurt that he himself can prevent. Despite Fenton undoubtedly being Huey's closest friend, I think that it's also important to shed light on the friendships that he's made that are more in his age group.

Following the events of Astro BOYD!, we are introduced to Boyd and Huey's friendship, two characters that existed in the show prior but never had any interactions. Huey and Boyd bond over their interest in the Junior Woodchucks, something that we once again see Huey get backlash for from his fellow Woodchucks, for being too "by the book" and not just "relaxing and being a kid" (even going as far to label him as a "robot"). Even in Boyd's malfunctioning, Huey is determined to stay by his side until the end, not only because of their shared interests and the bonding they began to do at the very beginning of the episode, but also because Huey understood what it was like to be cast away and treated as less just for being different (or in Huey's words, "wired a little differently"). Even though Fenton is Huey's closest friend by a margin, I would consider Boyd's friendship with him really meaningful, at least given the circumstances of how they became friends in the first place: Two people who were cast aside, for not being what society considered the "perfect/normal kid", and instead of people working with them, they were just cast aside easily. Considering how fast Huey probably had to grow up given the circumstances of living with Donald who, despite being an amazing father figure, dealt with poverty pretty often, it's no wonder why he's very mature for his age and very "by the book", but it's also no wonder why kids who probably didn't have to grow up with those circumstances, would easily be turned off. Louie and Dewey are a lot more understanding considering they grew up in the same setting, but even they dealt with it differently, often leading to their personalities clashing, which is even lampshaded in this episode as another insecurity of Huey's when building relationships ("Are you sure you want me to continue? My brothers are usually *begging* me to stop.).

We're also introduced to another friendship at the very beginning of season three, with Violet. Even though at the beginning, things were a bit rocky considering how anxious Huey was getting from the Senior Woodchuck competition, and his determination to beat Violet, even to the point of leaving him behind when she probably needed him the most, by the end of the episode, we see both Violet and Huey not only reconcile, but start to actually bond. During this high stress situation, Violet was a great source of relief for Huey, using her own experiences of failure to inspire Huey to not give up, and that even if he does lose (which he did) in this specific situation, there'll be more opportunities because he is great when it comes to the Junior Woodchucks. Even when Violet wins, instead of being bitter which would definitely be expected considering that Huey is a child and how much he was anticipating winning, he is able to put his grievances aside and congratulate her because she helped him greatly during a point of weakness. Even if Violet and Huey's friendship didn't end up as closeknit as his and Boyd's, or as prominent as his and Fenton's, I think this was still a meaningful connection for him as Violet was great balance for the anxiety that he was feeling at the time, and despite him leaving her behind, she beared no ill will towards him.

This is only the first part, where I examined what I felt were the key component to his character development over the last three seasons, and the next post will focus on other aspects that weren't as focused on during the series!

#huey masterpost #huey duck #ducktales

[aphrostarot]

Self-Love Pick a Pile

How can you be more loving towards yourself?

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me if you are interested!

Pile One (Amethyst):

How do you see yourself?

Five of Cups:

In your eyes, you are very hard to please since you are very fixated on the past. You can never forgive someone who wrongs you. Since you have been burned in the past, you tend to focus on the negative and be pessimistic rather than getting your hopes up. It is difficult for you to love yourself, which leads to a great deal of neglect of yourself. However, you see yourself as a very empathic friend, someone who will always be there for you when you are in need.

The Mastermind:

A Mastermind is never left holding the bag. She conceives the grand plan and then flees the law, living in hiding. To keep someone in her life, she needs a great deal of trust. You see yourself this way. As extremely intelligent and powerful.

How do you speak to yourself?

The Emperor:

Emperors are very powerful leaders who rule with an iron fist. You talk to yourself in a very bossy and powerful manner. Your attitude towards yourself feels very harsh to me. The demands you place on yourself are extremely high, and you are ruthless when it comes to your own success. Your own worst enemy is you.

How can you remind yourself you are worthy?

The Empress:

A future filled with abundance is signaled by the Empress. It is telling you that things are going to improve for you soon. By remembering how far you have come and how far you have yet to go, your guides are telling you to remind yourself of your worth. Keep in mind that it will come no matter what. Believe in yourself and your guides, because they do not lie to you. Don't doubt your worth, you're a fighter and are more than worthy of obtaining abundance.

Grey:

This card reminds you that endings are inevitable and to let go of the past. Your past experiences have caused you to hang on to things from the past and can cause you to not easily let go. Your guides are telling you with this card that you can remind yourself of your worth by letting go of the past and moving on to the next phase of your life. Things can go wrong sometimes, but that doesn't mean they always will. Let go of the idea that bad things are destined for you.

How can you love yourself more?

Five of Swords:

Because you believe everything that has happened to you has happened because of your own faults, this card makes sense for you. A feeling of defeat that arises because of one's own faults is portrayed on this card. It is hard for you to let go of the past and move on. Your guides are telling you that yes, bad things happen, but you aren't always at fault. It is possible to overcome the mistakes you have made in the past. To begin that process, you need to love yourself for who you are, which includes your past mistakes.

Storm:

Recently, you have suffered so much hurt and this has affected your ability to take care of yourself. Your guides are saying that that hurt is about to end. You can begin to love yourself by believing that good things will happen to you. Believing that your guides will lead you in the right direction.

How can you see your beauty?

Two of Wands:

This is the card of partnership, and having it come up here shows me that the way to start recognizing your beauty is by welcoming someone into your life who can help guide you. You've been unable to recognize your own beauty for a long time now, and your guides say that the only way to do this is by inviting more people into your life rather than rejecting everyone because of bad experiences in the past.

Sun:

The Sun is all about bringing happiness back into your life. You have been struggling for so long and you have lost your happiness as a result. You can recognize your beauty by finding happiness in your life again, according to your guides. This can be accomplished by trusting others and letting them in.

Pile Two (Sodalite):

How do you see yourself?

The Magician and Ace of Wands:

With both of these cards, you see yourself as being very creative and skilled. As a successful and driven individual, you've accomplished a lot in your life, and you're celebrating it. In the picture of the spread, these two cards depict someone holding a wand in the air. Having worked extremely hard to get where you are and having been successful at it, now you can raise your trophy (the wand) in the air with great pride and happiness.

The Earth Mother:

I get strong Green Witch energy here. You are very connected to the earth and draw on it to succeed. You are a very feminine person regardless of how you identify because remember, every single human being has both masculine and feminine energy within them. You, however, channel your femininity much more than your masculinity.

How do you speak to yourself?

Page of Pentacles:

You listen to your body well and make sure you are taking care of its needs. You constantly are trying to learn more about yourself, making sure you are asking yourself questions and listening to your aches and pains as signals of when to take a break. You speak to yourself very kindly and try very hard to take care of your body because you believe that your body is your vessel in each lifetime so, you want to take good care of it, and a part of that is speaking kindly to it.

How can you remind yourself you are worthy?

The Emperor:

You are very good at listening to your body and recognizing when to take breaks, as we have established. You take excellent care of yourself, but only your physical self, not your mental self. As your guides suggest, you can remind yourself of your worth by taking control and being in charge of your thinking. Yes, you are kind to yourself, but you are also very lenient when it comes to your mental health. It's time to be bossier towards yourself and to ingrain in your brain that you are worthy.

Potion:

This card reminds you that self-love is needed here. While you have mastered self-care, you've been lacking in self-love. Make sure you take care of yourself, do something that makes you feel beautiful, reminds you that you are worthy.

How can you love yourself more?

The Hierophant:

In your self-love journey, the Hierophant encourages you to seek out community. You need to go back to your tried and true, if you're a part of a religious group or organization of sorts, now is the time to seek peace within them. If not, find peace in your friendships. The guides want you to find structure in your life through a community, and by doing so, you will be one step closer to loving yourself.

Shark:

You are reminded to swim away from your current situation with this card. In your life, by someone you know, and even by yourself, you are not being treated right. The first step to loving yourself more is to surround yourself with people who love and support you.

How can you see your beauty?

The Star:

You've recently lost hope in your self-love journey, and having this card come up is a sign to hold on to your comforts, and to remain hopeful because positivity is on its way.

The Empress:

Do something luxurious, treat yourself. Feel beautiful inside and out. This is how you can start feeling beautiful. With this card coming out, you are a goddess, and you need to remember this, celebrate your accomplishments. You have grown so much in your life and you need to acknowledge that.

Spaceship:

You have been made to believe that you are not beautiful and now you hide. This is not the way to live, and this card encourages you to embrace your beauty and be confident. You do not need to continue hiding behind your conditioned fear. You should be proud of who you are and how you look.

Pile Three (Rose Quartz):

How do you see yourself?

Three of Wands:

You consider yourself to be extremely optimistic and a dreamer. With great tenacity and drive, you have achieved a lot. You consider yourself very competitive, going after what it is you want with a very cutthroat approach. You believe that you are better than others because of your drive, which usually gets you what you want from life.

The Spinster:

The Spinster is not bothered by the hustle and bustle of society. They rebel against everything society expects of them. Most of the time they are alone, and they prefer it that way, keeping to themselves, and most people view them as something they should not strive to achieve. The reason for this is that they do not get married and keep to themselves. You consider yourself to be an outlaw.

How do you speak to yourself?

Two of Swords:

There is something about you that I feel is so stubborn that you won't accept that you need to improve in terms of self-care and self-love. You are perfectly fine in your eyes, and nothing needs to be changed. You talk to yourself in an extremely negative tone, pushing your feelings aside and sticking to the facts, which are that you do not need to change anything, regardless of whether that is true or not. It feels to me that even when you feel like you should change you do not because you fear it which results in negative self-talk.

How can you remind yourself you are worthy?

The Star:

As the card of hope, having it appear here means that yes, you know you will be rewarded for your hard work but not because you hoped for it, only because you worked for it. As a result, you don't rely on hope in your life to understand your worth, just your hard work. Your guides want you to let go of that all-facts mindset and to let yourself dream and hope for things. Take care of yourself during this time. You view yourself as being very optimistic but your guides are telling me that you really are not as optimistic as you think you are because you are lacking hope in your self-worth.

Flower:

This card tells you, to be honest with yourself, you have been lying to yourself for some time now. Trying to convince yourself that you are better off than you really are. It is important for you to take care of yourself here, stop pretending you are better than you are.

How can you love yourself more?

The Hierophant:

In your self-love journey, the Hierophant encourages you to seek out community. You need to go back to your tried and true, if you're a part of a religious group or organization of sorts, now is the time to seek peace within them. If not, find peace in your friendships. Now is not the time to be alone. You need to seek out the support of others. Your guides want you to find structure in your life through a community, and by doing so, you will be one step closer to loving yourself.

Sword:

There has been a change brewing in your life for some time now. This card encourages you to make a change, whether it is cutting your hair, making new friends, finding a new job, etc. To love yourself more, you need to make a change.

How can you see your beauty?

Ace of Cups:

The Ace of Cups is a reminder to embrace all of your emotions. You have run from your emotions for so long that now is the time to embrace them. You will be able to recognize your own beauty more easily if you do this.

Lioness:

As a result of growing so much, you have accumulated some scars along the way. Your guides are telling you to embrace every scar you have whether physical or mental because they are a symbol of your strength. Now is the time for you to recognize that you are incredibly beautiful and strong.

Pile Four (Amazonite):

How do you see yourself?

Knight of Wands:

In your eyes, you are very confident and will never back down from competition. Because you believe in yourself so much, you are not afraid to take action. You are confident that you can achieve everything you set out to do since your qualifications are impeccable. Passion and rebelliousness are two things that you think make you irresistible.

The Delinquent:

Delinquents are symbols of youthful rebellion. This is who you are in your eyes. Rather than doing what everyone wants from you, you would much rather break the rules. You are the definition of an angsty teen in your eyes.

How do you speak to yourself?

Five of Pentacles:

It seems like you are very hard on yourself. You have experienced many losses in your life and because of this, part of you feels to blame. You are very difficult on yourself as a result. Your guides are sick of you blaming yourself for mistakes.

How can you remind yourself you are worthy?

Page of Swords:

Your intelligence and quick thinking make you an exceptional individual. As a result, you are very aware of everything happening around you. Your guides tell you that by recognizing these things about yourself, you will be one step closer to understanding what you are capable of and accepting your worth.

Nostalgia:

You have been too focused on the past and what could have been. Rather than focusing on your imaginary life, your guides say you should improve your present life. You cannot change what has happened in the past, but you can change your present by reminding yourself of your worth.

How can you love yourself more?

The Heirophant:

In your self-love journey, the Hierophant encourages you to seek out community. You need to go back to your tried and true, if you're a part of a religious group or organization of sorts, now is the time to seek peace within them. If not, find peace in your friendships. Now is not the time to be alone. You need to seek out the support of others. Your guides want you to find structure in your life through a community, and by doing so, you will be one step closer to loving yourself.

Homeward:

You are encouraged to take yourself out on a date with this card. Give yourself a night in or a night out that allows you to slow down and pay attention to yourself since you have been ignoring this for some time. It's time to learn more about yourself. You need to fall in love with yourself again.

How can you see your beauty?

Five of Cups:

For some time now, you have been very self-conscious and insecure about your beauty. Every day when you look in the mirror, you feel as though you lack everything society deems beautiful.

Death:

It is through losing this mindset that you will be able to recognize how beautiful you are. It's time to let go of the way you think of yourself and embrace how beautiful you are. You don't need to think of beauty in terms of what society says, as that is incorrect. Everything and everyone is beautiful, you just have to change the way you see things.

Potion:

This is the card that tells you to love yourself. You are being encouraged to do things that make you feel beautiful by your guides. Take a luxurious bath, use a rosewater face mask, journal, etc. Making yourself feel loved is the key to recognizing your beauty.

Though tips are not required, they are very much appreciated. Thank you!

Venmo: @ aphrostarot Paypal: paypal/aphrostarot

#pick a pile #pick a card #tarot messages #oracle readings #spirituality #self care #self love #astrology #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

[recurring-polynya]

Your thoughts and headcannons on Nemuri Hachigou because I don't think she gets talked about enough, when in reality she's pretty interesting, she's essentially, a blank slate, Mayuri's second chance that I don't think he feels like he deserves. She's Nemu but she isn't and I think people(especially Mayuri) forget that a lot, that's a fascinating position to be in.

Puttin’ this under a cut because I’m gonna say some unkind things about Mayuri and I do not want to cause any distress to the many lovely people on this website who delight in his horrible antics.

This is not so much a headcanon so much as a thing I came up with for fanfiction purposes, but it’s all I got.

Right. So, like I said, I despise Mayuri. I just hate him. I understand that he appeals to some people, but I strongly dislike the dude and go to exorbitant lengths to avoid him ever appearing in my fanfic.

Additionally, I do not vibe with Nemu 7. She registers as not-a-person for me, she’s basically an extension of Mayuri himself. Don’t get me wrong, I find Mayuri’s treatment of her to be vile and I wish someone would take her away from him, but she comes off as very robotic to me. She is conscious, but she is not an independent being, if that makes sense. She is not a real girl. It’s funny that Mayuri keeps talking about how advanced she is, because clearly he means only her cognitive and fighting abilities. In terms of recreating a person, she’s incredibly primitive compared to the other mod souls we see. Take Kon, for example, who has a fairly limited powerset, but is never presented as less of a soul than any of the other characters. An even more interesting example is Ururu and Jinta. Ururu is described as being older than Jinta, and she is clearly “less human” than him-- she has less affect, she shifts into a distinct “attack” mode, etc, which implies that Jinta represents advances in mod soul technology. It’s notable that Urahara and Tessai and even Renji, in the canon scene where he protects the Shouten kids, never treats them as anything less than people. The contrast with the way Mayuri treats Nemu is stark. He likes that her feelings and personality are limited, he sees this as a feature.

I was completely unmoved by the entire chapter where Nemu died. Her sacrifice did not come across to me as anything indicating growth or humanity-- in every battle she's ever been in, she nearly dies because Kurotsuchi tells her to. She simply prioritizes Mayuri over herself. She always has. It’s simply the logical extension of her programming. A lot of people say they would have preferred Nemu to live and Mayuri to die and for sure I would have *preferred* that, but I have never seen Nemu as enough of a character to be worth rooting for. Like, at least Uryuu would have gotten some satisfaction form killing his clown ass, and that might have convinced me for at least half a second that he actually was on the side of the Quincy.

Caveat: if some talented fanficcer wants to write a short novel on Nemu discovering her humanity etc etc, I’m all for it, I’m just saying that canon hasn’t given us anything to suggest she would do more than just shut down without Mayuri to tell her what to do.

Onto Nemuri 8. I can’t believe they let Mayuri have another one. It makes my blood boil. The dude is an on-screen abuser and Kubo had the gall to try to make me feel sorry feel him (I did not) and then gave him another one.

So, I took her away from him.

I mentioned earlier that I go to great lengths to keep Mayuri the hell out of my fanfic, and usually the way I do that is to have my characters go through Akon whenever they have to deal with Squad 12. I think I started doing this because Akon is sort of weirdly familiar with Renji and Rukia in the TYBW, but I have projected all over him and he’s mine now. The way I assume Squad 12 functions, based on my career in scientific programming, is that Mayuri is like a primary investigator-- he's the Big Ideas guy and he spends a lot of time doing wholly self-directed research. He’s the face of Squad 12, so he has to go talk to the Captain-Commander and beg for money and defend blowing things up, but when it comes to science stuff, he does what he wants. Nemu is the lieutenant, and I think she handles most of the usual lieutenanting-- paperwork, meetings, etc., but I think Mayuri takes up a lot of her time by using her as a personal lab assistant on his wacky projects. There's nothing wrong with this, but I think in a lot of squads, the lieutenant is responsible for the day-to-day running of the squad and spends a lot of time dealing with their subordinates and other lieutenants. Nemu, instead, focuses on her captain. Now, the rest of the Gotei counts on Squad 12 for a lot actually-- gigai, Hollow tracking, Dangai monitoring, etc. etc. From the point of view of most science people, this stuff is mundane-- it’s all application, not development, and all the difficulty is in the twitchy little details. It’s frustrating and it’s unrewarding and you never get credit for it, and it is vitally important. There is a certain kind of science professional that makes a career out of this. They usually have master's degrees instead of PhDs, and they are usually tragically underpaid and underappreciated for what they do. In the real world, without these people, you wouldn’t have mass vaccination sites or weather data on your phone or cute li’l robots landing on other planets. In Bleach, these are the people keeping soul reapers alive in the field. And in my mind, this is Akon’s department.

So here’s the headcanon:

After Nemu’s death, Mayuri has so much sad clown pain about it that he wants another robot child poste-haste, but can’t bring himself to do the actual work, so he shoves it off onto Akon, with a list of the design specs he wants. The last one was pretty good, Akon can handle a few minor upgrades, it doesn’t need his personal hand in it. Thinking about going through all that work again just pisses him off, honestly. What a waste!

And Akon's like, yeah, cool, fine. It was heavily implied that he did a lot of the work on Nemu 7, it's just a matter of digging out his old notes and cleaning out some vats.

Except that, right around the same time, Rukia and Renji decide to have a baby.

Babies are super rare in the Gotei, and it’s not like those stuffy nobles are gonna let Akon look at their precious offspring. But Rukia is a rank weirdo, and Akon is their pal, so she’s always like “I hear they have these things in the Living World where you can pee on a stick and tell if you’re pregnant, can you make me one?” and Akon’s brain goes, “Wow, what even is the first detectable sign of a newly formed soul, this is very interesting.” So, at the same time he’s trying to grow a new and improved Nemu, he’s got access to the developing fetus of two captain-class shinigami. So when he has to pick between eight good candidate embryos to move to the next vat, he picks… not the one with the strongest reiatsu signature, like they did last time, but the one whose reiatsu looks the most like a real baby.

Akon reminds me of a lot of programmers I know, so I always sort of headcanon him as particularly interested in whatever passes for programming in Squad 12, and I think he takes special interest in revamping Nemu’s artificial intelligence system, which is primarily based on taking in information about the world and building up a realistic personality based on people she observes. In particular, it gives extra weight to “people who resemble her”. Nemu 7 was raised by Squad 12, so she came up very Squad 12, just like Mayuri wanted. Unfortunately, toddler Hachigou Nemuri’s algorithm unexpectedly decides that she has much more in common with toddler Abarai Ichika than any of the adult soul reapers around her.

Nemuri 8 is a very successful sample in terms of power and intelligence but she’s also very boisterous, and the rest of Squad 12 is like “Akon do something” so Akon takes drastic measures: he asks Renji for parenting advice. Distressingly, Renji is full of useful ideas like “tire her out” and “only fight the important battles” and “we’re signed up for baby yoga, you wanna start comin’ to baby yoga? Your back is gonna thank you.”

Akon didn't mean to let them hang out so much, but Ichika is a very useful data point and also if he takes Nemuri over to the Abarai house, the girls will entertain themselves (i.e. chew on each other) long enough for him to have a beer with Renji and Rukia and honestly my man really needs that beer.

I don’t think Akon thinks of himself as Nemu’s dad past the first time when she calls him ‘Daddy’ and he corrects her (she only did it because that’s what Ichika calls Renji, very predictable quirk of her programming). She’s just a work project. She’s not even his project, she’s Mayuri’s project, he’s just handling the little details. Fathering just happens to be an adjacent field of study that he’s found to contain a number of very useful best practices.

I would prefer not to get into the detail of the physical abuse that Mayuri uses against Nemu 7, but I would like to think that Akon finds ways to protect Nemuri 8 from the same, or barring that, maybe this is what finally drives Akon to murder Kurotsuchi and become Squad 12 captain himself.

Other Nemuri Headcanons:

Her favorite book is Rejection of the Twin Fishes!, Captain Ukitake’s posthumously published children’s book.

She prefers to be called “Nemuri” over “Nemu.”

Nemuri’s second favorite person in Squad 12 after Akon is Rin, because he always has candy. Rin actually likes having someone to share his hobby with and helps her make a World of the Living Snack Bucket List. When other shinigami come in for gigai, Nemuri constantly tries to con them into bringing something back for her.

Rukia teaches her to cuss, but tells her never to do it around Akon. Nemuri never actually cusses around anyone, but really enjoys having Forbidden Knowledge.

Speaking of Forbidden, she is mildly obsessed with Urahara, even though she’s never met him. She’s constantly on the lookout for thumbprints of his work in modern Squad 12 technology.

The one thing she does have in common with Mayuri is an absolutely batshit personal aesthetic. She starts painting her face as a tween and is somewhat inconveniently both into piercings and inflatable outfits.

The true proof that she has surpassed her predecessor, at least in terms of humanity, is that she is able to learn the name of her zanpakutou.

Oh, if you want to read any of my fanfics with Nemuri, here's one where she and Ichika play football and here's one where she tries to con Byakuya into buying her shaved ice. I really like writing Nemuri hanging out with Byakuya because I think an adult man who navigates social settings via rigid system of etiquette and class hierarchy and a small child with a pile of Markov chains for a brain would be natural friends.

#nemuri hachigou

[spiderling-space]

Anon: Could you write “just kiss me, I can’t take this anymore." For Azul and a female reader? Please and thank you.

From prompt list #1

Italics indicate thoughts

🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙

Azul Ashengrotto

(Y/N) wondered if Azul was dense about romance or if he was aware that she was flirting with him and chose to ignore her for either amusement or subtle rejection. She was so done with the ambiguity of the situation. Hence that was why she decided to take control. As long as she had a solid answer, she would be fine with any outcomes.

(Y/N) had the perfect plan, or more accurately, the perfect idea. It was not an original idea but she didn't care at that point anymore. She was going to confess her feelings to Azul on Valentine's Day. From Jade and Floyd, she learned that Azul would be at Mostro Lounge since Valentine's Day was one of the busiest times for a restaurant. She would confess then and there but first, she needed to practice her speech and find the most suitable outfit for V Day.

"Azul, I like you in a like-like way." (Y/N) facepalmed at the first thing she thought. She put a hand on the mirror, closing on the mirror while wiggling her eyebrows, "Azul, you water boy! You are a thief for stealing my heart!"

"What are you doing henchwoman?" (Y/N) recoiled from the mirror when she heard Grimm's voice.

"WHAT? I'm - nothing!" She turned to face the cat monster. "I'm not doing anything and you saw nothing." 

Grimm snickered, "I heard you say Azul's name. Maybe Ace and Deuce will tell me what you were doing when I tell them."

Oh hell no! "I'll give you 2 tuna cans to shut your mouth."

"20!"

"5"

"15"

"10"

"I'll take 7 and won't go below, henchwoman." Grimm said with a smug look on his face.

He refused 10 and agreed on 7? LOL, he must have learned how to bargain from Patrick Star. "Alright, you have yourself a deal. But now I need you to leave me alone for a little while and I'll buy your tuna cans tonight."

Luckily Grimm left without any objection. Now that (Y/N) was alone, she could continue her work.

"Azul, I consider you as romantic interest and if you do same, please date me." Better than before so that's an improvement! "Oh hey Azul, watcha doing here?" Idiot, you will be at Mostro Lounge! Of course, he will be there! "There is something I've been waiting to tell you. Azul, I enjoy your company a lot and I like you." Great going, "I see you more than a friend and if you do so, please let me know." That's not an email, you dum-dum! "more than a friend and if you also consider me more than a friend, then I have a question to ask you." Better, at least I wouldn't ask him out before I know if he is also into me. 

After practicing her confession speech more, (Y/N) tried on outfits for V Day. She decided to go with lilac and grey tones since she knew Azul liked those colors. She also practiced the best makeup that would go with the outfit she chose. When everything was set, her mind went into her imaginary scenarios AUs. At worst, they would stay as friends and eventually she would move on. Another possible outcome was that he would tell her that he thought of her the same way and they would take things slowly. At the best and most unlikely outcome, they would start making out right after she confessed her feelings that would lead to more intimate stuff. It wouldn't come true but that didn't mean she couldn't fantasize about it.

Finally, Valentine's Day arrived. (Y/N) changed her outfit, put on makeup and perfume and asked Grimm to not tell others that she was going to Mostro Lounge. When she arrived there, Azul was nowhere to be seen. Jade told her that he would arrive at his office shortly, leading her to the VIP room and leaving her there alone.

It must have been the excitement of what she was about to tell, she couldn't just sit still more than 10 seconds. Her mind was playing possible scenarios constantly and waiting for Azul to arrive was making her nervous. She couldn't help herself when her mind went into one of her fantasies which Azul returned her feelings.

"Just kiss me, I can’t take this anymore." She said, closing her eyes and acting as if she was about to kiss someone.

"What are you doing?"

That is not how it goes, brain!

"(Y/N)?"

That sounded too real to be just my imagination.

(Y/N) slowly opened her eyes and saw Azul standing in front of the door. "I-uh... Did I say that out loud?" (Y/N) felt her cheeks heating up as she was begging whatever the powerful being above that was not the case.

Azul walked towards his desk and sat on his chair. "I didn't foresee the prefect of Ramshackle to come to me for a contract of romance." He chuckled.

I should just run. But I worked hard on this, it's now or never. 

"That is not why I came here on Valentine's Day. Yes the topic is romance but..." (Y/N) took a deep breath, "Azul, I see you as more than a friend..."

----------

I know the prompt is from nsfw prompts but I couldn’t imagine it that way.

#twisted wonderland #twst #azul ashengrotto #octavinelle #twisted wonderland imagines #twst imagines #female reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #Valentine's Day Event #ficlet #prefect

[star-anise]

I don't know if this is crossing boundaries to ask so feel free to ignore, but do you have any advice for someone with rejection-sensitive dysphoria, an intolerance for ambiguity and a history of social ostracization / access to the In-Group being dependent on Some Unsafe Shit for figuring out where one stands with an online social circle? Like, if one really feels like they're being neglected / put on a shelf, but doesn't know how to address it without receiving platitudes that it's not

(insecurity ask cont.) Really that bad / wasn't intentional / sure they still LIKE one they just kept happening to be busy at the time - etc. Basically figuring a way through the situation if one doesn't want to do what the Anxiety wants, which is cut run and self isolate, but doesn't find the allistic normative reassurance of "oh no we really do want you around sweaty : )" reassuring or helpful in the least.

This is a live topic of discussion in my friend-groups, since my close social circle is like 95% people with a history of being bullied, serious brainweasels* around social shit and rejection, ASD and/or ADHD, and seriously geeky social skills. So my response is not like, “We have a Method! It works! I’m patenting it!” nearly so much as “Um... this is what seems not to have exploded too badly so far.” And I’m answering this publicly rather than privately because other people have useful things to contribute too. 

*(Brainweasel = little nasty thing that eats your brain)

(Like seriously if anyone DOES have A Method I’m all ears because I still do the self-isolation self-destruct way too easily)

Anyway. THE GOOD STUFF (which got really long):

I’ve personally found that it helps to make it really clear to people that if something is wrong, I want to know. I literally say, “My personal definition of Hell is when I think I’m having a happy fun time with a friend who is enjoying themselves, but in reality, I’m annoying them and they secretly resent me for it. Please don’t put me in that situation.”  It’s kind of the opposite of asking for validation--it’s trying to reduce my own emotional hypervigilance, and also shifting the burden of dealing with the problem to the other person. Now, if they find me annoying, they have to do something about it--either spend less time with me, or let me know what’s up.

Asking for things and saying “No is an okay answer!”

Being open about my wants and needs while also letting people know how much I’m willing to compromise. “I don’t know what anybody else is feeling, but for dinner I have a mild preference for pizza,” or “I’m in the kind of mood where I basically want someone to talk to about this creative project for an hour in a really intense, informed, and interested way that also doesn’t step on my creative vision’s toes, or I don’t want to talk about it at all. So unless someone really wants to talk about it, how’s the weather?”

If you can find people who are geeks about feelings and have done a lot of introspection and can be very honest, and basically didn’t think that Twitter thread about asking friends for consent for emotional labour was a bad thing? That’s probably going to help, since when you’re all in the middle of dealing with moderate-to-severe brainweasels that is the kind of wrangling that needs to happen.

Hacking into Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, if you can do it. I’ve had to explain to several people now: DBT is fundamentally about trying to unlearn you from a system of If I Only Behave A Certain Way, Life Will Finally Work Out, to having a more flexible, more adaptive set of skills that you can see in a kind of pro/con fashion and decide which of life’s sucky parts you’d rather deal with because it gets you your preferred set of upsides. The problem is: DBT kind of presents itself as a system of If You Only Behave A Certain Way, Life Will Finally Work Out! So especially for my Autistic friends, doing DBT, while useful, involves considerable arguing with the system, deciding which of it works for you and which of it doesn’t, and hacking it apart and rearranging it in your own idiosyncratic way. This isn’t actually failing to do DBT, it’s using the methods DBT teaches you on DBT itself. 

Finding a therapist who can treat baseline-neurodivergent LGBTQ+ nerds with complex trauma IS difficult, but not impossible. Not every therapist can do it. (I personally am considering giving up finding one in my city, and making use of the temporary relaxation of restrictions on distance practice across jurisdictional boundaries thanks to COVID-19 and phoning up my old therapist a province over.) If you can’t get a personal recommendation, I recommend literally cold-emailing about a half-dozen likely suspects from Psychology Today or Theravive and asking them, “Do you have any training or experience in treating [geeks/adults with complex trauma/queer people/whatever has made therapists act like cats with boots on around you before]?”

To wildly veer back to your original question

Imagine something that someone could do for you that would make you feel warm and loved. Something that would take a minute or less to do. When you’re feeling unloved, say “I’m feeling down, could anyone do [this thing] for me?” That’s literally why I ask people to show me cat pictures--I have times when I feel sad and alone and like the entire world hates me, and that’s a VERY big feeling for anyone to step in and fill, so instead? I ask for cat pics.

This, I should add, required going back into my trauma memories and deprogramming the origin of my Nice Things Are Evil Poison If I Asked The Person To Be Nice To Me brainweasel. Which is part of why I’m so insistent on asking people not to put me in my personal Hell situation.

Like, sometimes with my clients, we literally create a restaurant menu of Things People Could Do If They Wanted To Be Nice To Me, ranging from cheap $5 items like cat pics and memes to $200 bottles of wine that would be getting married and taking out a mortgage together. Sometimes we talk Love Languages just to go through several different sensory modalities. Then, if creating that menu wasn’t scary enough, they start telling their friends what’s on the list. “I really like things with dragons on them” or "I love to know when somebody’s thinking of me even when I’m not there” or “I really wish I had someone to watch movies with”. This reduces the cognitive load if somebody wants to reach out to you but doesn’t know how.

Relatedly: If you’re in a bad mood and doing something to self-regulate, you might consider letting people know what’s going on. People who are merely being civil might interpret “I’m feeling terrible about myself today” as “You are now socially obligated to blow smoke up my ass”; moderating the statement with a positive attempt to make things better, like “I’m focusing on my shoes a lot today because I feel like crap but they make me happy” or “I’m going to go try to shake this awful mood with Netflix” removes that pressure because it’s a problem with a built-in solution, so they’re not socially impolite if they ignore it. If people want to be emotionally closer to you, it opens the door for them to either ask about your problem, or contribute to your solution (”Oooh, I do like those shoes”) (”Have you seen this new series?”).

Okay so

Here’s the other thing

When you’re used to the one being rejected, you can spend SO much energy trying to make relationships work, and when they don’t, you just kind of shut down and fall over

What if (if you scraped together enough spare Cope) you said to yourself, “Whatever is going on--whether it’s them, or me, or whatever--I am not getting my needs met, so I’m going to back away from them a bit and focus on finding something new? They may not be evil or bad, but I’m going to downgrade them on my priority list.”

Like I’m just saying: Think about it. Every once in a while it’s possible it isn’t your fault, but the other person... just isn’t up to being the kind of friend you need right now, and no effort of yours can improve them at this time, so you’re going to let them shape up if they can but start focusing your attention elsewhere.

I realize that’s like the social equivalent of asking a homeless person to dip into their savings and start a business. But, just... sometimes you just need better friends.

Okay, it’s 2am and I’ve run out of ideas. Anyone else?

#staranise original #trauma #brainweasels #bullying tw #tin-can-paladin

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Answer Me This

AU: Soulmate

Words: 1875

Pairing: KakaYama

Warnings: None

Summary: Ever since he was young, Tenzo wandered about the mark on his chest. Now that he’s a bit older, with a lot less going on in his life to distract him, he decides to seek some answers from a trusted source.

For: My Kakayama loving followers definitely XD

Ever since he was a child Yamato had wondered about the mark on his chest. Once, when he was still young and naive, he had asked Danzo about it, hoping to find the answer he had been searching for since the first time he saw it in the mirror.

The only response he got was a gentle reminder of his job. That things such as the mark on his chest were of no importance and were best forgotten.

So he forgot about it. Focused his attention on his training and missions instead, only really remembering it during the odd time he’d see it in the mirror again. For years he was fine with that. Danzo always had more than enough work for him to do to keep his mind from wandering back to the mark, and even after he had left Root and joined Kakashi-senpai on Team Ro he was always busy.

Doing missions, training with his new team. All of it kept his mind off of the mark.

Until the day that Tsunade-sama finally pulled him out of Anbu.

I want you to lead Team Kakashi on their next mission.

Her words echoed in his mind whenever he was forced to deal with Naruto’s insubordinate attitude. Even at his worst though, Naruto wasn’t as distracting as back-to-back missions and training.

Now that he was a part of Team Kakashi, Yamato had time to think. To dwell on the things that he had ignored for years. The foods that he liked, the things he wanted to do during his time off, and the mark.

The one that kept staring at him in the mirror every morning after his shower. Sitting right over his heart.

Eight little paw prints starting at his collar bone and running all the way down to the center of his chest where a little scarecrow sat. Somewhere, deep inside of his brain, he knew the answer should be obvious. It just wasn’t coming to him for some reason, no matter how hard to search for the answer.

Now, sitting beside Gai in the training field watching as his Senpai set Naruto, Sakura, and Sai up for a spar against each other. He wondered to himself if it was alright to ask someone else.

If he was finally allowed an answer to the question he had refused to ask again for years.

“You seem like you have a lot on your mind,” Gai’s voice dragged him out of his thoughts, a bright smile greeting him when he glanced towards the older man. “What are you thinking so hard about? Surely it’s not the training Kakashi’s doing with his team. I know his methods don’t always seem the most proper, but they’re quite effective in the long run.”

Yamato couldn’t help but laugh. If there was anyone in the world who knew Kakashi’s training methods and just how interesting they could get, it was him. Years of being on the same team had introduced him to a variety of ideas Kakashi came up with to improve their skills, and not one of those ideas could be considered standard or even safe some days.

“No,” glancing towards the team, he smiled slightly. “I was actually thinking about something else. Something you might be able to help me with.” If there was anyone who could answer his question, it was Gai. Not only did he have a wealth of information, some of it from speaking to Kakashi a lot over the years, but he was also emotionally open and present. Regardless of what the question was, he’d be willing to answer it. “I was wondering...Well, when I was younger I noticed something on my chest. It’s not a scar, and I don’t think it could be considered a birthmark either, but I’m not really sure what it is.”

“Oh!” Gai’s eyes widened, a look of shock taking over his face momentarily before softening into a much more familiar smile. “You must be talking about your soulmate mark.”

“Soulmate mark?” Over the years he had heard whispers of such things. People huddling up close to show off a mark on their body to their friends and whispered guesses of who it could belong to. Never wanting to distract himself, he had left them alone to have their fun. But now that he thought about it he had always wondered if the mark could be representing someone.

As his mind started to wander, so did his eyes. Scanning towards the middle of the field, they lingered on his Senpai. Patient, kind, protective. Kakashi had been there for him since they were both kids. A small hint of light in a pitch-black world.

“It’s a mark that everyone has. A depiction of who your soulmate is in pictures or words. Something that’s supposed to give you a hint of the person you’re soul is joined to, without flat out telling you who it is,” Gai explained, his smile never leaving his face. “What does it look like? I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, of course. I was just thinking that if you only asked about this now perhaps you haven’t put too much thought into who it could represent.” He trailed off.

“Who-” his mind started racing. Trying to figure out who was supposed to be represented by the marks on his chest. No matter how hard he tried to think, though, only one answer came to mind. “-What if...I mean, if the person who it r-represents...what if they don’t want-”

Gai’s laughter cut off the rest of his sentence. Loud enough that he could feel all of Team Kakashi’s eyes on them suddenly. The kids probably wondering what was going on, and Kakashi-senpai was no doubt already making plans to interrupt.

If he was going to show Gai the mark, he had to do it fast. Before his Senpai showed up to interrupt them.

“Here,” turning to face Gai, he unzipped his Chunin vest and lifted his shirt so that Gai could get a good look at the mark. “I don’t know what it means. I mean, I have an idea but…”

“Oh,” Gai’s eyes widened after a moment. “Yamato, this is…”

“What’s going on here?” Shoving his shirt back down, Yamato turned to glare at the silver-haired man who had just appeared at his side without any warning. “What? Surely you’re not doing anything I shouldn’t be a part of. You wouldn’t leave me out of the fun, would you Tenzo?”

“It’s none of your business, Senpai,” he huffed after turning his gaze away from the older man. “Shouldn’t you be watching over Team Kakashi’s training?”

“They’re not going to kill each other if I look away for five seconds.” Ass if on cue, Naruto went flying past them. Sakura’s voice following shortly behind with an angry threat to his health if he ever repeated his last sentence. “Ok, they might kill each other, but it’s good for training.”

Good training.

Right.

“Anyways, you were showing Gai something,” Kakashi continued as if his student hadn’t just been punched through the air. “What was it?”

“None of you busi-”

“He was showing me his soulmate mark,” The sudden weight of the world came down on Tenzo’s shoulders. Of all the people to betray him in such an important moment, he had trusted Gai. “It’s really cute. It even has a scarecrow on it.”

“A scarecrow?” Peering up at Kakashi, Tenzo huffed when he saw him raise an eyebrow. “Is that why Shisui’s crows don’t like you?”

At this moment, Tenzo really hoped Shisui didn’t come bounding out of the trees to continue a rather terrible joke. The last thing he needed was those two going back and forth trying to outdo each other in the terrible humour department. He’d be here all day if they got started.

“Can I see it?” Kakashi’s question caught him off guard. He had barely wanted to show the soulmate mark to Gai, and now Kakashi wanted to see it? The one person his heart told him to hide it away from no matter what? “Come on, Tenzo. I won’t make fun of it. I promise.”

Curling his fingers into the bottom of his uniform shirt, he sighed. “Fine,” he whispered, finally meeting the other man’s eyes again. “But if you make one joke about it I’m going to”

“-not talk to me for the rest of the month. Yeah, I know.”

Huffing, Tenzo pulled his shirt up once more and watched as both Kakashi and Gai peered at the mark there on his chest. It was a little embarrassing sitting there and being stared at like that, especially when Gai reached out to touch his skin.

“I told you it was cute. The little paw prints leading to a scarecrow. You know, it sort of make’s me think of the hounds.” Tenzo felt his stomach drop. Suddenly it all made sense. The reason he could only think of one person when Gai asked him who his mark was supposed to represent, was because it was meant to lead him to that person. His soul mate was-

“Well, I think that’s enough slacking,” Kakashi straightened himself up suddenly and turned his back to the pair. “I should go check on the team. Make sure Sakura hasn’t actually broken all of Naruto’s bones.”

And with that, he was gone. Nothing but a puff of smoke left where he had just been standing moments ago.

“I-” He tried.

“Don’t worry about it,” glancing back at Gai, Yamato opened his mouth to say something. Unfortunately, words seemed to fail him at that moment. “Kakashi’s always like this when he has to deal with emotions. I’m sure you know that as well as I do.”

Yamato couldn’t deny it. In all the years he had known Kakashi, one thing was painfully obvious. The Copy Ninja would do anything he could to avoid having to deal with emotions until they became too much for him to ignore any longer.

Still, it didn’t leave him with a good feeling.

Now that he knew what his mark was, and who it was meant to be, he was left to sort all of the emotions that came with that revelation on his own. The only thing that he could hope for, was that Kakashi wouldn’t reject him.

“He’s not leaving you behind,” Gai’s words caught him off guard, pulling his attention back to the conversation in front of him. “I know what you’re thinking. Kakashi is hard to read sometimes, and it always sucks when he shuts us out and tries to figure things out on his own.” That was certainly true. Tenzo had always wished his Senpai would open up to him a bit more. Let him help where he could. “He’ll get there, Yamato. Just give him some time.”

Some time.

He could do that. It wasn’t like they didn’t have a lot on their plates to deal with right now anyways.

“Thank you, Gai,” Giving the other man his best smile, he stared at Kakashi in the distance. Watching as he separated Sakura and Sai from a verbal argument. “I’m glad to have you as a friend.”

#soulmate Au #Kakayama #Hatake Kakashi #Maito Gai #Tenzo Yamato #taryn's birthday fics #taryn's birthday celebration 2021

[pluto-writes]

Mori, Fitzgerald and Fukuzawa with an S/O who likes donuts!

Wildnya requested: mori, fiz, fuku hcs: s/o has an adorable love for donuts, homemade in particular. the boys find out by them mentioning it and she’s like “doughnuts?!” with sparkly eyes but denies it saying it’s childish for an adult to like them. they make some themselves for her and when they bring them to her she gets really excited and it’s extremely cute. now it’s their thing to make doughnuts together to relax together 

A/N: Thank you for the request! Also, these are a bit long, I don’t think I understand what I meant by headcanons (ᅌᴗᅌ* ) I’ll try to go shorter next time but I don’t understand how other writers can write such lovely headcanons with so few words.

Words: 2,075

Mori:

Elise’s sweet tooth decided to kick in again, and she was begging him to get her some doughnuts. You happened to overhear this ordeal between them and wanted to help sedate her sweet tooth, and maybe eat a couple doughnuts for yourself as well.

You approached Elise and started asking her about her favorite flavors, the more you talked about it, the more excited you got, and Mori noticed.

“(Y/n)? You like doughnuts too, I take it?”

“Huh?” Oh shit- You didn’t mean to get that excited over something as childish as doughnuts. “No, no. Not at all…” You lied stiffly. “I was just trying to know what her favorite type was, and besides, doughnuts are just for kids. I’m a mature adult, my taste is much more refined…”

“Oh, really? Like what then?”

“Oh you know…” In a panic you name a type of desert that isn’t well liked, “fruit cake...” Looking at Mori you can tell he’s eyeing you a bit as you answered, so to get away from the embarrassment you just put yourself through you gave a quick ‘bye’ and left the room.

“Interesting…” Mori mumbled to himself. He turned to Elise, “Come with me, Elise! How do you feel about us making our very own doughnuts?”

“Huh!? Our? You mean I have to share with you?”

You’ve been hiding out in your room since your encounter with Mori. You can’t believe you still get excited over something as childish as doughnuts. You’re an adult now and your tastes in things should’ve grown with you too but you just can’t help it!

While you were lost in your thoughts, someone knocked on your door. “Go away,” you weakly replied. 

“That’s not nice,” Mori pouted from the other side of the door, “I even made these doughnuts for you.” 

!!!!

You got up from your bed in a flash and opened the door to reveal Mori, and true to his word he had homemade doughnuts. Your eyes grew massive at the sight of them.

Without a second thought you grabbed one of the doughnuts, and they were still warm, just the way you liked it. Taking the first bite was always the best part. 

After you ate your first doughnut, your mood improved significantly! You wore a giant smile and thanked Mori.

“Now that’s the (Y/n) I like to see!” He gives you a quick kiss on the lips. “It tastes good. How about next time we make doughnuts together, okay?”

Fitzgerald:

After Alcott helped Fitzgerald get out of his slump, he decided to treat you by buying you something you’d enjoy. While on your little shopping trip, you seemed to be distracted the whole time, which he knew wasn’t like you. 

“We’ve been at this for a while now, haven’t we?” He turned to smile at you. “How about we give it a break for now and get something to eat?” You nodded at his suggestion and followed him. 

He noticed that you still seemed to be rather blank, so he started to name items he’s heard buzz about recently, “You know, I’ve heard people talking about hamburgers, and how popular they are, yet I never had one before. Maybe you’d be interested in that?” 

Nothing. “Hm, maybe something more sweet will give you a boost?” You slightly perked at that suggestion, but didn't comment on it. “What about cake? No, we’ve had that plenty of times before...hm.” He began to mull on it for a moment but then, “How about doughnuts!? I heard that they have different flavors.” 

Your eyes were sparkling. But you quickly lost them, “Doughnuts? Don’t you think that’s a bit childish? How about we eat some ramen? That’s popular here isn’t it?”

He thought it was weird with the sudden change of topic, since you usually go along with new foods he wants to try. And you looked excited, so why had you rejected the idea so fast, he wondered.

After your little shopping trip was finished he went to consult Alcott about potential strategies the Guild can do to earn their permit. Then he somehow got around to talking about you and how… off you had acted earlier.

“If I remember clearly… When Montgomery used to be here she used to eat all kinds of sweets with (Y/n).” Alcott racked her brain, trying to help her boss the best she can to understand why you had dismissed his choice when she was aware that you’ve eaten sweets on multiple occasions.

“Now that you mention it, (Y/n) said something about it being childish… how curious.” With a dramatic flare he called out, “Follow me now, Miss Alcott! We have some doughnuts to buy!”

Knowing that the two had different versions of ‘buying doughnuts’ she tried to stop him from making a huge mistake.“H-huh!? Doughnuts? Sir, I don’t mean to be rude but.. But perhaps they’ll appreciate homemade ones…” She waited anxiously, and played with her fingers.

“...” He put his hand against his chin then shouted, “Excellent idea! I’ve never made anything before so hopefully this’ll be my chance!”

Alcott could only hope that he doesn’t burn anything down. 

On his first attempt the mixture was too runny and didn’t get the proper shape.

His next attempt was slightly better, but when he put it to fry the oil began to pop which he wasn’t prepared for, and caused him to drop it.

After many attempts his best try was somewhat edible. Since he’s never had one before he didn’t have a base to go off and just thought that it was normal and got ready to show you. 

He couldn’t wait to show you, and hoped that this would turn your downcasted mood upside down.

He approached you with the plate behind his back, “Ta-da~!” He brought the plate into your view and gave you a huge smile. “Surprise! I made you doughnuts!” You stare dumbfoundedly at him, confused as to why he would do such a thing, but he just continued to ramble on. 

“I noticed that you were feeling down recently, so I made something sweet for you. Miss Alcott helped me make these, my first couple of tries didn’t work so well. But after all my attempts we managed to salvage the best looking ones.” You looked between the doughnuts and back to him. Breaking out into a big smile you jump into his arms, almost causing him to drop the doughnuts in the process.

“Thank you! Thank you!” You repeated into his chest. You figured the doughnuts wouldn’t taste that good since he had made them, but above everything it was the thought that counted and you were touched he had thought of making them for you. 

You pulled away from him and grabbed one of the doughnuts he had made. Upon grabbing it you could tell it was a little hard, but you still gave it a chance since the most important thing about homemade doughnuts was the love baked into them.

Taking your first bite was tough, but you managed. It tasted dry but you hummed at the taste anyway. You can feel his love reaching you, and how he tried his best to make you feel better.

“This is exactly what I needed, thank you.” Fitzgerald smiled wide at that, his mission had been accomplished. “Maybe… next time, you and I can make some together? I know we can make it better.”

Fukuzawa:

He had just officially started the Armed Detective Agency to use Ranpo’s gift to its full potential. And no longer held his title as the Silver Wolf, which allowed him to enter a relationship with you, and not have your life in immediate danger.

And he may not show it, but you can tell he’s been happier recently. Lighter even. 

“Fukuzawa~ Buy me more sweets~” Ranpo pouted. “I worked really hard today, I deserve it!” 

You laughed at the young boy’s antics. With him around everything ran along more smoothly due to his smarts. “And what would you like to have Ranpo? My treat this time, since you’ve been so diligent lately.” You gave him a comforting smile. 

“Really!? Yay!” He cheered at your offering. “I want to have donuts! I’ve never had donuts from Yokohama before!”  

“Ooo! Good choice! I know of a good donut place nearby, they taste just as good as homemade!” At the mention of donuts, your excitement easily leaked out. 

“You do, (Y/n)?” Fukuzawa said. “I never knew you liked donuts so much.” He didn’t speak much unless it was necessary. So was it so weird for you to like donuts that he asked about it? Feeling embarrassed about it, you came up with a quick lie. 

“Me? Liking donuts!?” You laughed nervously, “Fukuzawa you shouldn’t joke like that. Donuts are for kids, like Ranpo to have. An adult like me shouldn’t indulge myself to such childish things like that.” 

You looked around the room, looking for an excuse until your eyes landed on the clock. “Oh! Would you look at the time! I have a place to go to now and I can’t be late!” You moved past Fukuzawa and went out the door. 

“Strange… I didn’t know (Y/n) had business to attend to today.” Fukuzawa accepted your poor attempt at an excuse and was about to go back to his work until Ranpo interrupted him.

“Cause they didn’t!” Ranpo groaned, “They were obviously lying!”

“Lying…?” Fukuzawa knew not to doubt Ranpo’s abilities since he’s seen how smart he was first hand, but he couldn't imagine as to why you would lie.

“Yeah. Adults are so weird. Lying over something so simple as donuts.” He shook his head, “Man, I really wanted to try Yokohama donuts too…” He continued to pout.

“Oh! I know!” Fukuzawa looked up at him. 

“Hm?”

“You can make donuts!” He grinned mirthfully. Bouncing in his spot. 

“Why would I-”

“Think about it! (Y/n) is embarrassed about eating donuts cause it’s ‘childish’, whatever that means,” Ranpo huffed out. “If you make them donuts then they won’t feel so shy about it!”

‘Hmm. It is a good idea.’ Fukuzawa thought to himself, ‘but this is a bit out of character for Ranpo…’

“And plus! Once they know that donuts aren’t just for kids, they’ll take me out to get them!” 

‘Oh. Of course he’d say something like that.’ But Fukuzawa smiled anyway. He thought about it more, and it would be nice to make you something. He could show his appreciation for you by making you something you’d enjoy.

Fukuzawa agreed with Ranpo’s idea and began his personal mission, to make his lover donuts.

Once you finished running small errands to fill in the time, you walked back to the agency. Upon opening the door, you were met with an unmistakable fragrance.

‘Donuts!’ You thought happily. Though that thought was immediately stopped. ‘Knock it off, (Y/n). It’s probably for Ranpo.’

You walked further into the office and was met with the sight of Fukuzawa, waiting for you there. On the table beside him sat a plate of donuts. They had a light brown color to them, cooked perfectly.

“W-what’s this all about?” You asked, clearly confused.

“You see, you said that liking donuts are childish, but I don’t think that’s true.” His voice came out, his eyes turning soft at the sight of you. “To show you that adults are capable of eating donuts, I made us some. You like homemade ones best, correct?” He smiled, gently, which expelled any doubts you had in mind.

You grab one of the donts he made, and bite into it, savoring the taste. They tasted surprisingly good! You never took Fukuzawa as someone to be so good at baking.

“It's… very delicious,” you said bashfully. “Um…” Your eyes shifted anxiously, “Thank you, Yukichi.” Your face grew hot. 

His heart melted at the sight, and it showed on his face. “Of course.”

You continued to eat the rest of the donuts with Fukuzawa, blissfully unaware of the green eyes watching you. 

“You know, I had fun making these donuts. Hopefully next time we can make them together, what do you think?” Fukuzawa asked as he finished his last donut. 

“I think I’d like that,” you smiled at him, “And when we do, we can share them with Ranpo. I don’t think he’d like the fact that we ate these without him.”

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #mori ougai #francis scott fitzgerald #fukuzawa yukichi #mori x reader #fitzgerald x reader #fukuzawa x reader #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #plutowrites #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #i hope these werent too ooc >_<

[evermorehaikyuu]

▬◊☆Memories

A/N: Seeing as someone requested part two of Konoha’s angst, which is right here, I have decided to do it and also, late birthday fic because why not? Let’s get started.

~

Y/N usually went by every Saturday to check up on Konoha. And on that one fateful day where she was told that he had woken up, she hadn’t expected for him to lose all of his memories. He only recalled his own name and the look that he had given her, that look. It wasn’t pitiful, it was merely curious as to why she was there and holding his hand. 

It made her mad.

Not at him, of course. None of it was his fault. It wasn’t his fault that he was stuck in a coma for three years, it wasn’t that he should’ve been careful. Y/N was the one that let him go out of rage and he ended up getting hit by a truck. Luckily he survived.

But now I can’t ever apologize, Y/N thought as she stuck her hands in her pockets, head hung as she walked along the sidewalk. She could apologize, but it’d be like begging forgiveness from a doorknob. He didn’t even know what was going on and that burden would be awful on him. 

It had been a month since he woke up and she hadn’t gone back. She couldn’t bear to face him again, not with those eyes. They used to be full of love and adoration for her, even when she was blinded with fury. And somehow she had the brilliant idea of letting him go. No joy came out of that, only sadness. That should’ve proved something.

Grabbing a coffee and a muffin from a random cafe that she had never been to, she decided to be brave and go back. The walk there was shorter than she had expected and the receptionist looked up at her and allowed her to walk to Konoha’s room. She knew that Konoha would be too weak to do anything, he had resorted to a newborn child. Maybe that was another reason why she had avoided him.

Knocking on the door, she saw his doctor talking quietly to him and Konoha nodding slowly. The doctor looked up at Y/N and said, “Ah, perfect timing, come on in. I have wonderful news.”

“Did he get his memories back?” Y/N said, hope clear in her voice.

The doctor shook his head. “No, but he’s out of his minimally conscious state, which is a massive improvement. When you saw him, he was conscious but seconds after you left, he had fallen asleep again. He’s been doing exercises and he appears to be fine, he’s getting his strength back. He hasn’t resorted to a mere child. However, there isn’t much we can do about his memories.”

Y/N walked over and sat down next to him, shamelessly staring at his eyes, the blanket covering him and the IV next to him. 

“Hey, you’re that girl right?” Konoha asked sweetly. “Why did you run off?”

Y/N swallowed and looked at the doctor for help. He replied, “I think it would be better if you talked to him. It could help him regain some memories back. Not all of them. Just enough to make him...understand.” With those words, he left, closing the door behind him.

Looking back at Konoha, she took a deep breath and started talking. “I don’t know how to say this subtly, but it’s my fault you’re in this position.”

“Oh?” Konoha tilted his head, his expression looking like that of a curious puppy. “And you’re not going to tell me your name?”

Her heart couldn’t help but race, that personality of his hadn’t changed. It felt like a different version of their first meeting and somehow Konoha still acted just as coquettish as he had when they started talking. She rolled her eyes playfully and said, “Y/N L/N.”

“Y/N….hmm, it’s a pretty name. It suits you.” He grinned at her and she sighed.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re in a coma, you’ll still have this personality.” Y/N lifted her hand as if to stroke his hair back yet hesitated. He was awake and she was a total stranger to him. It was better when he was asleep, he wouldn’t be able to tell if it was her. 

“You can do it. I don’t mind.” Konoha looked down at her hand and smiled a bit. “You used to do it all the time, didn’t you?”

“Didn’t think you’d remember that.” With his permission, she started brushing his hair back, running her fingers through the strands with a gentle smile on her face. He started blinking, his eyelids drooping until she said sternly, “Don’t fall asleep yet.”

“Why not?”

“Because...because I don’t know if you’ll wake up.” Y/N said, wincing at the words. She sounded pathetic to herself, as if hoping that Konoha would have enough energy to stay awake. He had just gotten out of a three year state of unconsciousness, maybe sleep would be a blessing to him. 

“I’ll wake up. I always do.” Konoha reassured her, shutting his eyes at the renewal of her stroking his hair. It brought comfort to him, this stranger that knew him but he didn’t know. The look in her eyes was enough to break him. Racked with guilt, desperation, maybe hope as well. He wished he knew her. Perhaps when he woke up she’d still be there. 

The feeling was strange. He had only known her for less than a day and already his stomach twisted from the sight of her. It wasn’t anything malicious, but something about her drew her to him. If only he had his memories back.

Y/N had fallen asleep right after Konoha, her head in his lap. It was an uncomfortable position, but somehow bringing solace to her. Staying by his side was all she needed, if he allowed her to be there. And luckily, he hadn’t shoved her away nor had he called the doctor to call security. The look in his eyes was the same one she had seen when they first met. All those years making platonic memories together before they realized they felt something more for the other.

~

“And that’s my foolproof plan of how to ask the girl out!” Konoha said proudly, crossing his arms and grinning at Y/N, who was currently sitting in a bean bag with chips in her hands.

Monotonously, she replied, “And somehow you haven’t covered the part where she will reject you.”

“Would it kill you to be on my side and not say anything snarky for one day?!” That was their normal routine, they always made fun of one another and they loved it. The girl Konoha was talking about was right in front of him and he was trying to see if she’d give anything up, any clue that this would work. Would she reject him? Nah. But would she?

“Yeah, it would, sunshine, now your brilliant plan sucks. You’re not getting her flowers and you’re not going to climb into her window to leave stuff there, that’s stalkerish, creepy and she’d see you as...what’s the word...you know the girl that was obsessed with--”

“Are you calling me a yandere?”

“Yep.” She grinned as she popped another chip in her mouth and offered some to him. He groaned and put his forehead on her shoulder. “What if she does say no?”

“Well, she’d be an idiot but that would mean you have more time to not worry about anything. So calm down, she’ll love you.”

~

What Y/N hadn’t known on that day was that it was her, she was the one he was crushing on . The feeling had been mutual and he had been the happiest he had ever been. Of course, up to this point. 

When Konoha woke up again, he could feel his little hunger coming back to him. He was only allowed a bit of food so as to not upset his stomach. But looking down carefully, he saw Y/N sleeping on his lap and the sight made him smile for the first time since he woke up. Carefully, he put his hand on her hair, running his hand through the tresses.

The movement made Y/N stir awake and look at him with the same look she had given him when he had woken up for the first time. Shamelessly, she asked, “Do you remember anything?”

“It’s not like we’re in a fairy tale, my dear Y/N.” Konoha didn’t even know how easy it was to talk to her, if only he did get the memories back.

Clicking on a button to ask for food, he looked at her. “I would share, but I’m hungry.”

Making her laugh, she placed her hand on his shoulder and nodded. “I’ll see you next week.”

“What about tomorrow?” He asked, obvious hope in his eyes. Had he imprinted on her that easily? Maybe his memories could be coming back slowly with every minute that she was there. She nodded, already planning to cancel anything that she would have the next day. His doctor was walking down the hallway and she asked, “Is it possible that--”

“Yes. It is entirely possible that happy triggers may assert his brain into a state where he recalls several bits of his past before the accident. Take you, for example. He may not remember you but a part of his brain does, thus simultaneously inserting back serotonin and pieces of what he does envision.”

With that answer, she decided that she’d go back as many times as she could.

~

A year of this had gone by. Within three months of his awakening, Konoha had been allowed to go home and Y/N took him into her house as she was his first contact in case of an emergency. He had been watched carefully and to be honest, Y/N had never felt more relieved.

Nine months later, he was able to walk around at a normal pace and actually was able to do a lot of things he couldn’t do six months previously. Y/N was always there for him, chiding herself if she ever thought of leaving him behind. 

“You don’t need to be with me all the time, you know?” Konoha said, kissing the top of her head. “I’m okay. I can walk normally now and you know, even if I don’t remember everything about us, I do remember how we went out.”

“Because I told you and you decided to forget that too!” Y/N replied.

He started laughing and shook his head. “No, I call it a selection of memories.”

Maybe it was a selection but as she put her head on his chest and his arms wrapped around her waist to pull her closer, she didn’t care. He chose her again. Even through everything he had gone through, he chose her again. Closing her eyes with a soft smile, she started drifting back to sleep as he stroked her hair, humming their song.

“I love you, “ he mumbled. “I always will.”

“I love you too.”

The promise of loving Y/N that he had made to himself had never once been broken for the rest of their lives.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #konoha x reader #konoha akinori x reader #konoha x y/n #konoha akinori x y/n #konoha x you #konoha akinori x you #konoha imagines #konoha akinori imagines #konoha fluff #konoha akinori fluff #i actually took my time writing this and put research into it #i got soFT with this one #like yes fluff for konoha after a whole ton of shit #anyways this is his birthday fic as well #dw its almost a week late but oh well

[funkymbtifiction]

As a writer, how do/did you learn to deal with questions, criticism or rejection? I’m going to do scientific writing (I’m new in my field), and I’m terrified of facing rejection, ridicule or criticism. It might cause me to take it personally, and then procrastinate due to stress, or stop writing forever. 

How can I tell the difference between useful criticism and someone’s personal opinion/taste?

How can I learn to not take things personally and not lose my self worth or confidence?

In general, and based on your experience, is it better to start multiple writing projects together, or just one at a time?

Thanks.

For the most part, thinker types are more impersonal in receiving criticism than feeler types, since they really just want to do the best ‘product’ they can (or don’t care what others think), whereas feelers can feel insulted by this rejection of ‘self’ -- a lot of them see their writing as an extension of who they are or their feelings. So knowing your type will help you anticipate how you handle criticism -- and knowing other people’s types will help you know the criticism in advance that they are likely to give you. For example, an ESTP who doesn’t take criticism personally might be more blunt with you than an INFP who does.

Something to remember in general is you cannot please everyone all the time, so don’t bother trying. Decide what pleases YOU and achieves what you want to achieve with what you write, and let that be your standard. Otherwise you start thinking too much about how something will be ‘received’ and that can cripple you as a creative person or as a writer, since fear of premature rejection will change your voice. Did you know that F. Scott Fitzgerald, who wrote The Great Gatsby, struggled to ever write another book? His first novella was so widely praised at the time in which he published it, he developed a terrible fear of having later books compared to it negatively, which effectively stifled his creativity. He spent YEARS grinding out one page at a time, he was so over-focused on making it “good.” So thrive or fail, don’t let that happen to you.

With scientific writing, learn to cite your sources, explain your theories and/or the information in a manner that goes with whomever you are writing for (laymen need simple explanations in a form they can understand; academics do not mind wading through more abstract theorizing) and take a basic course in grammar. Paying for a brief subscription to ProWriter’s Aid or Grammerly can be useful, as is using the free Grammar option in Word. You want your writing to be clear, consist, and ‘right’ enough on a grammatical level not to draw any unnecessary criticism. And again, the standards change depending on your field. A critic is going to judge more harshly past-tense in a fiction story than in an academic style article.

You also need beta readers, people you trust to give you a true opinion. I cannot stress enough that these must be a) people who know something (which means not your mother, she has a bias) and b) people who will be honest with you about where your writing / ideas / approach is ‘weak.’ They also need to, as you point out, learn to give constructive criticism.

Which takes us to what is constructive criticism and what is not? Remember, you are free to probe people and ask questions to determine the difference. Non-constructive criticism basically amounts to “I don’t like it.” When you push them, there’s no real thing they can point to that is impartial and that can be proven with external evidence as to why it’s wrong / bad / needs criticized. It’s almost always non-specific, because the underlining factor is “I hate it.” Or “I don’t like what it said / inferred,” or “It made me uncomfortable.”

Constructive criticism has logical reasoning behind it, it is clear and able to show you what it means when you ask (or they highlight it on the manuscript), and they can either suggest a fix for it or where you can find one.

Constructive criticism is: “you use too much past tense, it slows down your sentences.” It is, “you cannot use this word to connect two sentences.” “You need more paragraph breaks, so your reader’s mind can slow down.” “You should use itallics in this section to emphasize your point.” “You use too many adverbs, when a stronger verb would punch at your audience more.” “I did not know what you meant by this paragraph; did you mean to say this?”

Non-constructive criticism was a friend telling me they didn’t like one of my characters; constructive criticism was another friend telling me my book had too many conjoined sentences in it, which made reading it tedious. The former, I can do nothing about (and shouldn’t, since *I* like the character), the latter took lots of work to train my brain not to do that, but it has improved my writing.

In a nutshell, when people criticize your work, allow it to hurt for awhile. Then step back and ask if they are right -- if you took their suggestion or you fixed or changed that thing, WOULD YOU BE A BETTER WRITER? That is the bottom line. Would doing that hurt or improve your project? One of the days I got the most angry was when a friend told me I didn’t need to include a particular character in my book. She said he no role to play and was just there because I liked him. I was pissed. But after a couple of days, I realized she was right. I just wanted him there because I liked him, but I removed him from the book and almost nothing changed. I hadn’t woven him into the narrative, so he really did not belong there. She was right. That was constructive criticism.

The difference between a fair writer and a good one is being able to take criticism, decide if it objectively improves the product, and then implementing it. As an editor, I see both kinds of people a lot. The writer who e-mails me after their story comes out to thank me for the edits and how they “noticed that it made it read much smoother,” and the writer who gets offended by proposed edits that would strengthen their work. I once dealt with an ultra-sensitive writer who was quite full of himself. Too full of himself, considering his grammar was awful, he didn’t know where to put punctuation marks, and he had, at times, 76 word sentences. When I finally said I would not pay for his stories anymore unless he fixed these issues, he informed me I was no longer allowed to print his stories. My criticism was constructive, because I pointed out what he was doing wrong and showed him what I meant. That’s what you look for -- if the criticism is clear, objective, and fixable, rather than vague and abstract.

Whether you want to work on multiple things at once or just one is up to you and your previous history as an individual. In the past, when you have worked on multiple things at once, have you succeed in finishing them all? Usually, because your brain finds it easier to focus on one thing at a time, working on one thing at a time is preferred, because switching back and forth is tiring for your mental focus. I know writers who spend years doing a little bit on a bunch of different things; I prefer to spend four to six months doing nothing but writing a novel, revising it, editing it, polishing it, and publishing it. I never work on multiple ‘serious’ projects at once, because it scatters my focus. But you should try out both methods and see which works best for you.

#writing #question #submission