#also my anxiety is killing me rn

[aropride]

my shirt that says "i don't have an eating disorder" has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt

#text #(this is a reference to another tweet i dont have a shirt that says that) #ed tw #weight loss tw #talk about weight in general tw #like yes i eat the same thing almost every single day & have to force myself through every bite #no i dont have an eating disorder #i just have autism and anxiety and its making my life a little bit unliveable at the moment ❤️ #i know i also have arfid which yes is an eating disorder but not like. in the way people probably think of if they look at me during #a meal and judge the way im eating and decide they think i have an ed (which i know is anxiety and nobody does that but still) #but i probably wouldnt get diagnosed bc im at a ''healthy weight'' #even tho i know that for My Body it's not healthy . i was eating relatively well for a brief period of my senior year of high school #& very briefly my freshman year of college #and i got to around [number] both times #and they were both short periods of time so i still dont know what like. a healthy weight would be For Me and for My body #but i know a doctor would tell me my weight rn is Normal and Good and that if i gain weight thats Bad and Wrong #even though i am definitely not eating enough and not getting enough Fuel For My Body To Work Right #its such bullshit. also i hope whoever invented the bmi kills themself #Well anyway. swagever ive been eating one singular slice of pizza for half an hour so i gotta get back to that

[the-mushroom-faerie]

sometimes I wish I could have someone that I could just flop onto their lap and stare up at them and have funny conversations while they pet my hair

but like platonically

#i might already have that but she has the audacity to live in another country #i want someone to be physically clingy with without the anxiety of 'leading them on' #i want hugs and snugs and cuddles and to be like two cats curled up in the same bowl #is this making any sense lol #i also want the comfort of boundaries so respected that i can also just sit up like 'ok done with that' and not hurt their feelings #like its nothing You Did its just my touch battery is full so now i dont want to be touched anymore but i dont want to throw off the vibe #my unconventional needs and terrible communication skills are really killing me rn ngl

[mattodore]

jerma compilation video set to psycho killer by talking heads you will go down in history

#river dipping #jerma #that clip of him laughing w/o moving a single muscle in his face kills me every time #anyway hi good morning i once again did not come online yesterday kdfnjhdkfjh #i did log in to queue stewy succession posts to main tho <3 #actually atm my anxiety is Through The Roof but nevertheless we persist and we come online anyway #i finished the character page photos for the echthroi crew last night btw!!! will post them later i think #rn i want to go through simblr bc i'm very behind it's a little embarrassinggggggg dfkjhdnk #proof of how single-minded i can be bc if i'm doing one thing with my ocs it's like. i just can't do anything else. #i finished both theo and matthias's like actual character pages too <3 it helped that i'd pretty much already answered asks with their bios #i do think i'm going to go back in there tho and edit theo's to include more of what i left out in the original ask... #i also think i wanna add more abt the reformation boarding school matthias went to... kind of a big part of him that i left out #there's just a lot that happens to my ocs that i just don't mention bc i just know it's A Lot of Trauma and i don't want to talk abt it #hmmmmm what else is there to say...... well i think i'll make the echthroi character page live if you wanna peruse it's just /echthroi #i'm gonna work on imani's page next i think but i have to draft everything out first #umm and i added playlist links <3 everyone's playlists are still wips but theo's playlist is thirty songs already what can i say

[the-kipsabian]

i dont wanna do this

#i got through one application. the rest are giving me major anxiety rn #one i would have to email which. an immediate 'no' reaction from me #one requires me to fill out a thing thats like. not specific for this job its for all their listings and its so anxiety inducing #the last one i think i can do. but god im so anxious right now i might just throw up #its even worse when i know im trying my best with all of this but its not gonna be enough so why am i doing this #just to make myself feel worse about everything cause im required to do this shit? yeah #feels fucking great man #night is an absolute mess on main #//nvm i thought this last one would work out but it requires so many details #i mean i get it why considering the nature of this job #but also please just. kill me already

[everyfandomever]

I swear if the docs dont take my blood after ive been fasting i will be livid

#i have to have an appointment today so i can get my anxiety meds #on my day of birth #soonest day i could do it and its been like a week since i ran out #i technically had another refill but i was refused #had a panic attack after the call to my doctor's office once i realized i had to come in #off my meds #that is genuinely the worse part #though i am starving rn #and i cant sleep so i have like 2 hrs before i have to leave #even tho the appointment is at 8 30 #cause fucking traffic gets bad on the bridge #also gods im dealing with the physical effects of my anxiety rn too #not just the nerves and shaking but also my stomach killing me and my fucking intestines going into over drive #vex spits out random shit #idk yall i just feel like this wont be a good day or a good birthday

[milo-is-rambling]

Someone tell me how to make me not hate myself and make my family not think I’m a bitch and make me want to see my family or drive back down the coast or stay in strange places or do anything other than kill myself I mean whaaatttt haha what a weird thing to say *stares directly into the camera knowingly*

#and don’t say take your medication #fuck. my moms sitting here like I was under the impression you had this all figured out and I’m like well I was under the impression you #we’re going to fucking sit down with me and help me book a room for the last night of driving bc I can’t book and I have to find somewhere #between like three states that will let me check into a hotel room bc if I get somewhere and they don’t let me stay I’m fucked and have no #where to go or sleep bc I can’t sleep in the car on the way back bc my car is packed to the FUCKING top with my brothers shit fuck fuck fuck #fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #it’s just like being a kid I can hear my family making fun of me for my emotions in the next room over FUCK I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE T #THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS #I think I’m having caffeine nic and med withdrawals at the same time while pmsing #AND WHILE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A PLAN FOR DRIVING BACK DOWN #I think I’m the biggest bitch on the planet rn #i was listening to father by tfb in the car and there’s a line about something about falling asleep while you drive and I apparently sang iy #with a lot of passion bc my brother said ‘please don’t’ and that was literally the first time anyone has called me on my recent musicchoices #but it really has all been like I need to go anywhere but where I am right now and I need to die far away and that’s it #no more starting over no more self hatred no more family shit I just need to stop #I want to hire someone to drive my brothers shit down to Florida and then I want to kill myself in New England #Anyways. I’m gonna go try to eat something and take my meds and then move stuff around in the car and also try to get a room somewhere by #the end of my trip and I don’t have much time at all and I need to kill everyone and then myself now now now now now now now now now now now #every time I move my body the entire world spins and idk if it’s anxiety or med withdrawals or being tired or what but I am losing it and I #feel like I don’t have it in me to drive any fucking more this trip and the way back is only just beginning #and in less than hour were supposed to check out of this hotel and go to my aunts for a big family celebration of my brothers graduation and #Mother’s Day and I’m going to see all my family who still has a fucking father and I want to be fucking dead I hate all of this I hate it #I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it

[change-the-rules]

I have more than 2 hours left of work and I just can't, a coworker is apparently going around saying he doesn't get paid enough to teach me how to skin flats (a thing I do in fact know how to do) and now im just spiraling

#like this last week has been really hard #bc its been a lotbof stiff ibdont actually know howbto do #minus the flats thankyouverymuch #and i was already feeling kind of down #so this just punched me straight in the rsd and now im spiralling #it also doesnt help that hes been really cool to my fuxking face #and like included me in an invite woth some other ppl for movie night #like this is why i dont fuxking trust ppl #but im too adhfuckingd to just refrain completely from interaction altogether #despite the social anxiety #ibwould kill for a hole to crawl in rn

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

id love to know your dp opinions! youre like. the only one who gets it i think

omg anon the ego boost u just gave me with that statement.... like haha twirls my hair u think im the only one that gets it omgggg anyway Im not sure what opinions specifically the People would like to hear but ive shared alot of my opinions in my little personal tag, but just a warning i dont have like ANY opinions on stuff that doesnt involve york and zach but that MAY CHANGE... bc i am currently doing a 100% run of dp1 bc im a freak so im gonna actually do side quests instead of just running through the main story (which is what i usually do bc i wanna get to the ending bc the ending slaps so fucking hard ok sorry to all of the people that really like the dp1 npcs) (also thank u so much to the dp fanpage for being such a good resource 🙏 (but pls bring back the like conversations page sob i need to know what zach says to everyone without running around town for dayssss 😭😭😭))

But yes if anyone has any specific questions on my opinions i would 100% be willing to answer bc i have ALOT of them, some of them differ from main fanon opinion so im a biiiit scared to share <- is a coward, but i probably just wont main tag them lmao. unless its my opinons on how dp2 is so fucking bad dude i hate that game SO much and i am not afraid to say it lmao. maybe ill make a post about my dp2 remake idea bc i think my brain is huge imo

(also an opinion i havent rly shared but is one that is INTEGRAL to my enjoyment of dp1 is that i think the like 'york is a magical being actually not a DID alter <3' is stupid... i think it really undermines alot of emotions and also its just fun to have a protag with DID where its not demonized at all! plus the way YORK JUST CURES ZACHS CANCER IN DP2 IS SOOOO BADDDDD AUGHHHHHHH anyway.)

#rev lore #WOW I WROTE ALOT !!! send me more asks tho if u want more thoughts teehee <3 #also york is 100% autistic #zach has anxiety and ptsd #these things are just canon to me (the ptsd thing is genuinely canon bc why else is that cutscene called . ptsd huh.) #also might make more posts on my opinions bc like i said im going thru the game rn and will have thoughts as i play! #theres one specific thing im nervous abt sharing that i dislike tbh bc its like . a big thing in fics especially and i dont wanna be killed #despite feeling quite justified in my disliking of it IMO

[inga-don-studio]

Usually I’m so physically & creatively wiped out after Halloween that the post-Halloween blues hit and they hit HARD with nothing to distract me.

… but here I am actually getting ideas for new stuff I want to make (including for Halloween next year) & how to fix the cosplays I got stuck on back in Summer. This is … odd. Good odd.

#🎃 cryptid sighting #Extra weird considering my anxiety is having a fucking field day rn which usually kills my creativity #I don’t know if this is going to last or not but I’m gonna try to ride it as long as I can #Like- I’m getting new ideas on how to fix the acursed headcrab mask & the Mari Lwyd or Krampus costume for December #Also feel like painting??? Even though Jack-O-Treat usually burns me out?! #My annual extra-bad-brain-time postponed or cancelled? Either way I’ll take it!

[jayteacups]

Shout out to my flatmates who routinely deal with my bs

#the bs being so debilitatingly arachnophobic that i literally get anxiety attacks every time I deal with a spider in my room #so a lot of the time i ask them to help me #bc none of them are scared #im also tipsy rn too so i just KNEW whatever attempt I’d make in getting the spider out of my room/killing it would not work #I have class later today why did i agree to go to a party 😂 #ANYWAY #jayteacups rambles

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

#i fuckin #ugh #i have shit i need to do #but am very stressed by...everything #and all i want to do is read ofmd fanfic and posts about autism #because im so tired of the world #and autism brain needs the special interest dopamine #but because i also have other shit i need to do AND other shit i want to do #im just #stuck #like physically #cannot move from my chair #doesnt help that its getting hot out #its like 85 out rn (29°c) #and my parents were up late last night so i couldnt fuckin relax cuz sudden unexpected routine changes give me anxiety #and i need to find some way to make money so when my parents finally find some property out in the country they can also #keep this place so /I/ can keep living here and hopefully also have althea move in so she doesnt have to deal with her abusive ass #parents anymore since theyre her fuckin landlords rn #and my mom will do whatever she can to help me out but i dont even know what i need help with #working in a factory wouldnt be so bad (repetitive tasks!!!!!!) but the long hours and shit working conditions would kill me #idk how tf my uncles have energy left over after working to still have fucking lives and creative projects and shit #i have some sims speed builds recorded and partially edited for youtube #but even if i get those out itll still be over a year before i could possibly start monetizing them #and i actually do wanna stay here cuz i have a lot of ideas for how to make this place look nice #but thats also gonna cost money #can society just collapse already #everything has felt less and less real every year since 2012 #i would like to fling myself out of this dimension please and thankyou #if youve read this far hi hello i hope youre enjoying my slow descent into madness

[neverendingford]

.

#m afraid of things #surely there's no other aspects here at all at play #they always either jump on the depression or the anxiety train and they ride it into the sunset #and I“m sitting here like yeah sure explain this to me not like I've heard it before not like I”ve read fucking academic papers about it #therapists sitting at their desk typing with a single finger going “today I taught the patient that her anxiety is anxiety” #congrats I'm glad you're getting paid for this I'm not getting anything out of it though #also a half hour isn't long enough to talk about fucking alnything at all #an hour is barely enough time to explore a topic with any sort of thoroughness so a half hour? miss me with that shit #I'm over here like “hey I've never wanted to fuck someone more than twice and I move friend groups like I”m playing musical chairs #and I block five year friends with no emotional hesitation at all. maybe there's something wrong? #and the therapist perks up like “oooo maybe it's anxiety? or it might be your depression but it's anxiety I think” #if I had an autism diagnosis they would be just substituting the word anxiety for the word autism #useless useless useless #I know how to fix most of my problems I #m here to learn calculus cause I've already learned algebra don't fucking try and teach me arithmetic #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm so annoyed #“wow you type so fast” yeah yeah can we get back to talking about things? #was gonna talk about the year it's been since I tried to kill myself and she's like “now I know talking about your feelings can be scary” #I'm not fuc king scared of being open I'm usedto being open and easily read stop projecting and assuming ughhh hh foaming at the mouth rn #if anything it's a problem that talking about emotions isn't scary cause I'm so fucking detached from them they're happening to someone els #someone else not me it's not me who feels emotions its whoever else is in here I'm at the keyboard but I can't see the screen #life is just co-op gaming with myself and we share functions and we're so in sync we don't recognize the other as separate usually #but he's got the emotions today actually that's not true I've got the rage I've got the anger I'm going into self defense mode I can feel i #I #tag talk #vent #iteration- *checks notes* 5 of feeling smarter than the therapist I got assigned #today we spend thirty minutes going over how anxiety is actually a kind of fear. wow so amazing and cool #I'm really learning so much here about how Im here because I recognize I have patterns of behavior that I can't find the root cause of #Im going to leave before I just start ranting. anyway. I'm annoyed nobody fucking understands us when we're talking

[peppermoss]

-

#m #rant time because wtf. wtf happeining #a bitch cannot catch a break rightnow i am exhausted. i almost fought someone at work AGAIN #making eyecontact with me in an all staff meeting going “but if anyone has a hill to die on over this nows your chance” WHAT IS YR PROBLEM #WITH ME??? SPECIFICALLY. i am so sick of them i literally cannot stand the disrespect. but also #GET OVER YOURSELF WE WORK IN A LIBRARY???HELP #all of the BS from last week carrying over to thisweek like i will kill us both #besides that i have become the personal lackey of a trustee whos been in the archives 8hrs a day everyday this week and ive had #to run around everywhere for him non stop and he like. refuses to listen to me/keeps getting things out of order #(did also damage a document as well that we straight up cant fix) #its driving me insane im so tired. we have a full reading room and i had no backup yesterday #all of the running around is killing my legs/hips rn because our ladder situation SUCKS and this guy will NOT LET ME SIT for more than 10mi #before im up and running to get another box of whatever or doing IT support or this or that or this or that or explaining or or or AGHHGHH #i dont recover easily after work so its compiling. chronicpain out the wazoo bad #truly endless im so sick of it #& online things bad. & nightmare situation of someone plagiarizing me. & social anxiety. & hockeyteam i watch torturing me #two weeks straight of evil. it doesn.t . end.

[limeyloo]

Me texting: wow that sounds amazing!!!

Me irl: sobbing crying because we’re talking about something that triggered my ptsd and also a lot of other reasons but I would ruin the mood if I said hey so like I know we’re talking about something super happy and good but I literally want to kill myself because of something that happened in my childhood

#my post #today has been a rollercoaster of mental health. #I have a really bad headache tbh. I’m done crying now. #I almost had an anxiety attack at work. #then I got home and was super productive and cleaned my room and truck and bathroom. #then I was on the phone for 4 hours which was also vaguely triggering. l #then this conversation happens and it all just kinda came crashing down #I have to be up at 5:30 tomorrow morning. l #my head is fuckin killing me rn

[joyouspursuits]

I've always been afraid to even consider that I have a bipolar disorder partially bc I have seen how much it has ruined other people's lives and partially bc of my PTSD. But I genuinely think I am having a manic episode right now. I feel it so strongly, worse than in a while, and it's causing me to really panic too.

#manic panic at least rhymes #love that for me #embly rambles #anxiety #bipolar #manic episode #manic pixie nightmare #that sorta vibes yeah?? #i took my anxiety meds so hopefully i will calm down but i also already smoked weed too and took melatonin and nothing so idk #but ive been having trouble keeping up on my meds lately #so i havent taken my mood stabilizer in a while #so it might be unmedicated issues #ugh i need to stop thinking that sober life is for me #its genuinely not #keeping myself high and medicated is harm reduction #i dont wanna fucking kill myself #suicide mention tw #im trying to use more responsibly #but my life is just falling apart rn and i cant function #i have it in my head that i really want to be sober #cause politically it just makes sense to me #me having to be so fucking medicated is due to capitalism #i cannot survive the capitalistic demands without this shit #and im not privileged enough to just not participate in capitalism unfortunately... #i feel awful #autism

[academiaipromise]

my parents have yet to realize i’ve timed their visit to see me perfectly so they can help me with my taxes 🥰 this is me at my most devious

#kt tangents #can I do my own taxes yes ive done it before but there’s a lot going on and I just need another person to tell me I did it right #that’s all #I literally just need someone to sit behind me and go yes you’ve done this correctly #I’m an adult but with some 🥰bad anxiety🥰 rn #also depending on when they get here I need some help with a ladder because my ribs are trying to kill me again