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#also me: writes two long posts about the dynamics of the sex scene and how it’s fucked up but great
moongreenlight · 4 months
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GIRLIE PLS I NEED MORE YOUNG HOUSEWIFE x PRICE 😭😭
Instead of starting every ask response with “sorry it took me so long to get to this I suck” I’m just going to issue a blanket statement that I have like 45+ asks in my inbox rn and I get so overwhelmed looking at them that I just ignore them until I need to write something. I love you all for messaging me I love hearing your ideas and compliments please don’t stop sending them just bear with me as I sift through them. <3
Also- I got legit death threats on my first post like this. I’d like to make this ABUNDANTLY CLEAR that this is a LEGAL AGE GAP. It’s not grooming, it’s not predatory, it’s ENTIRELY LEGAL. You’re early twenties. He’s mid-to-late-thirties. Please do not bite my head off.
Anyway I’m back on my Price and his young housewife bullshit below the cut. Xoxoxo
Here’s the OG post if you need a refresher
Mdni. Nsfw below cut.
There’s this scene in the MW3 campaign where Price and Farah are talking about where she got the missiles from and he’s trying to shoulder up with her, but she just shuts him down in the end. (Like always I hope you’ll trust me. Implicitly) (John Price the man that you are!!!!!!) and I really think that’s the household dynamic. He’s always the biggest in the room, but he’s got this incredible reverence and respect for women who can out-bitch him. Bends his rigid spine BACKWARDS for you. Would move mountains if you’d only ask.
Doesn’t always have to be serious things. Like maybe you’ve made friends with some moms in the neighborhood (it’s a point of pride for him that they’re all minimum 5 years older than you.) and they all go to this obscenely expensive Pilates class at six in the morning. You mention in passing that you’re signing up and the suburban white dad in him makes his ears perk.
“‘N how much ‘s this class going to cost me?”
“Dunno. Think it just goes on the account.”
“Course. Gym membership doesn’t cost enough as it is.”
And then all it takes is him seeing you in a matching workout set for all of his protest to die down. For SURE makes a comment about how he ‘didn’t know it’d be this worthwhile’
Loosely following that point, I think any real arguments get hostile very quickly. He’s not so egotistical that he won’t apologize, but I’m certain that it’s like pulling teeth to get him to that point. He can hold a grudge unlike anything you’ve ever seen. Borders heavily on immature when the two of you are in the thick of things. Starts shit just to start shit. (Secretly because he just loves makeup sex. Would rather eat you out until you’re sobbing than actually say the words “I’m sorry.”)
Having thoughts about him bringing you to some military ball. The both of you dressing up and sliding into the car that was sent for you just to sit on opposite ends of the backseat and not speak a single word. He burns through a cigar in record time and you toss back a few glasses of champagne. You both put on appearances getting out of the car. Hook your hand around his bicep while he shoves you inside with his hand on the small of your back. Hissing nasty quips back and forth about making this quick. Few hellos. Show your faces and then you can get home and get away from each other. Putting on appearances only goes so far, though, because when John is pissed- everyone feels it. Sucks the life out of a room and replaces it with an eerie feeling like a bomb’s about to go off.
He leaves you alone with a few other wives. Pulled away by Laswell with a promise of a ‘quick’ meeting. He comes back half an hour later fuming when he sees that somehow you’ve been pulled away from where he left you and found company chatting with his boys at the bar.
He gruffs some greetings before dragging you away by the arm so roughly that you have to stifle a yip.
“Are we leaving?”
“No.”
“So what is it, John? You’re making everyone think we’re miserable.”
“We are miserable.”
He’s yet to stop yanking you away. You have to do an awkward half-jog to follow him down a short hallway just outside the washrooms.
“Christ, would you just-“
“You look like a slag in that dress.”
He about throws you straight into the corner at the end of the hall. Muscles in his jaw ticking under the force that he’s using to grit his teeth.
“Sorry?”
His lips are brushing the shell of your ear. Bullying you further back into the wall. You’re entirely taken aback by his ferocity; especially because he usually prefers you wear something much more revealing than this. Some twisted point of pride, him seeing all the men your age drooling over you even after knowing you’re on his arm.
“Ought to let the boys pass you around. See if that won’t sort out that fucking attitude of yours.”
Theres some more protest from you, but it was entirely useless given how worked up he was. He ends up making good on his threat and shoving you into Ghost’s side when he brings you back out. He says something, but you can barely hear it over the blood rushing in your ears. Though you assume it’s a half-warning, half-explanation by the way Ghost snakes an arm loosely around your waist and gives a sharp nod. You get off relatively easy all things considered because Ghost is the only one smart enough not to take Price’s words at face value and sneak you away to some coat closet. That’s a permission granted only when John was present and in his right mind.
I cannot stress enough how much it gets him off to see you pregnant. Not like sexually, but he is nothing if not a glutton when it comes to feeding his ego. Likes it when you wear shirts that hug your swollen belly tight so he can see exactly how much your body is changing. Even better if they’re crop-tops that show off the skin that’s now littered with stretch-marks from growing his babies.
I have been saying this, but just to make it clear, he wants a small army of children. Like enough to have one of those trashy reality TV shows about how many kids you have. (In reality I’m getting 4/5 kids in total vibes) Loves coming home from work and seeing you carefully stirring a big pot on the stove while bouncing a baby on your hip, pulling a clingy toddler around on your leg, and situating your school-aged kids with their homework at the table.
But he most definitely hires a live-in nanny to help you out. Knows it’s not fair to leave you with that kind of responsibility. But also it just makes him so hot to see you mothering his kids that he needs to be able to take you away and not have to scramble to find something to occupy the kids.
Makes the nanny take over bath time more often than not so the two of you can take a bubble bath yourselves. He loves the casual intimacy of pouring two glasses of wine and having thirty or forty minutes to yourselves.
Having this visual of you before you’ve started having kids sitting in the tub after being strangely quiet all night. He offers you a heavily-poured glass of red and you’re a little glassy-eyed and staring up at him but making no move to take it.
“You alright, doll?”
“Mm?”
“Said you alright? Don’t want a drink?”
A long moment of silence from you. Long enough for him to perch on the rim of the tub and gently tip you up to look at him by putting a few fingers under your chin.
“John, I think I’m pregnant.”
“So no drink, then.”
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adventuringblind · 7 months
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Sharing is Caring
Lando Norris x Reader X Oscar Piastri
Genre: Smut
Request: no, this is purely practice and experimental writing
Summary: Lando has always lived by the rule that sharing is caring, this includes his girlfriend… and maybe also himself
Warnings: filthy smut, Lando and Reader are menaces, PinV, dom/sub dynamics, fingers, anal,
Notes: alright listen here, I am a whore for these men and I’m not to proud to admit that. This is experimental because I want to write a scene for my series where the group is three bisexual males a female, but have never attempted majority of what that would entail (more then one partner, actual gay sex and not whatever the hell that thing I wrote with Daniel was). Y’all are not allowed to judge me! My information is coming from Ao3 and I blame that on whatever this spirals into.
Masterlist
The following media is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. Minors please do not interact with this post!
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You and Lando had been together since he started at McLaren. He was clueless and you were meant to be an assistant or intern or something along those lines. Both of you barely over the cusp of being adults.
You describe is as clueless and horny.
He says it was sexy and necessary.
You’d become fast friends, but then friends turned into benefits after a party one night.
Your were both buzzed but definitely coherent. You knew every part of your mind hand wanted him as he licked stripes up your neck. You knew at as he took off your clothes. And you definitely knew it while you came undone on his tongue.
Your situationship turned into a relationship soon after that. You couldn’t keep your stupid feelings for him tucked away in secret. You slipped when he was cleaning you up after you both went hard one night.
It was messy and you stumbled through your relationship clumsily, but soon you found your footing.
Lando had grown up on a common rule in his house: sharing is caring. Though he hated it then, now it seemed to be his motto.
You’d learned this after he had you tied to the bed posts and sent his saliva down your throat. He’d smirked at you and uttered the phrase.
Lando found it endearing how easily you submitted to him. Your entire job was being told what to do and when to do it so he thought you’d be less into it. He was sorely mistake.
He’d had you drunk on his presence alone. His voice the only thing filling your pretty little head. He got off on the power you gave him over you.
Lando had noticed one thing over his first year in formula 1: everyone treated him like an innocent child.
First it was Carlos. His teammate joked about him being a virgin still and Lando was fuming. He knew he should’ve watched his tongue but he could help himself.
“You could always come see for yourself that I’m not.”
That was the first time you’d invited someone in with you. Carlos lost a bit of his pride that night as his younger teammate and girlfriend practically had their way with him. And when Carlos asked him why he would share their bed with him, he’d only responded with “sharing is caring.”
Lando’s next teammate was older and even more frustrating. Daniel picked on the two of them relentlessly. Lando, being older now, held his tongue. But when he started saying things about you, vile derogatory things, he snapped.
“Say it again and I’ll make you regret it.”
Daniel showed up at their room that night expecting a mediocre threesome at best. What he got was the best damn blowjob of his life from you and Lando making him regret every word he’d said from behind.
Daniel also lost a bit of his pride that day and Lando couldn’t help but smirk every time Daniel shifted uncomfortably during the press conference.
You both teased Daniel that day with the “sharing is caring” line.
Now Lando has a teammate younger then him, and he’s a rookie no less.
Oscar is quieter then his other teammates and a stark contrast to Lando in personality.
It didn’t take long for Lando to catch on to his staring at you. The lovely blush that spread across his cheeks every time you touched his shoulder in a friendly way.
“I like him.” Announced Lando one morning.
“Who are we talking about exactly.”
“Oscar, I genuinely like him.”
You’d brought up the idea of adding a permanent third to your relationship. Both of you very open to the idea, just not with someone who likes to tease you two because your young.
Your not to prideful to admit that you’d both brought up Max as an option at one point.
“He’s very sweet and I think you go well together.” You admitted. “To bad he wouldn’t be into it.”
“What makes you say that.”
“Doesn’t peg me as the type.”
Lando choked on his breakfast. “I could make a dirty joke but I’m not going to.” He thinks for a moment. “I actually know he is because he got drunk one night after a hard race and admitted that he’d fuck us both.”
“Does he remember that?”
“Unfortunately no and I’d rather be the one fucking him anyways.”
“How about a game.” You propose. Lando can see the mischief in your eyes. “First to get him to crack wins.”
“Wins what exactly.”
“You already have me so bragging rights I suppose.”
~
It started small. Lando with his hand on Oscar’s knee during briefings, you making sexual comments underneath your breath causing him to choke on his air.
Then it escalated. You were wary that you might be making him uncomfortable, but as lando slips his hand on Oscars thigh, you can see the satisfaction on both their faces.
Ultimately Lando won in the end. The same stupid line he used in everyone coaxing Oscar into your hotel room.
“So we use the traffic light system for safe words just because it’s easy to use and remember.” Lando led Oscar into the room and sat him down on the bed.
He’d already had you in your undergarments and kneeling because since he won this was his prize. Not that you could protest anyways, you’d just make it harder on yourself later if you did.
Oscar was confused for a moment, his eyes raking over your half naked and waiting body while Lando went over some ground rules. “I didn’t realize you guys were into this stuff. Like- where you would need safe words, I guess.”
“Are you okay with that.”
Oscar hesitates for a moment. Unsure of how he should respond. “Can I be honest first?”
“Honesty is better now then us doing something to hurt you later.”
“It’s just that- I’ve done this before, but never with people I actually liked.”
“You like us?” You pipe. Genuine shock shooting across your face.
“It’s not something most people expect of me. Wanting to date more then one person feels weird to talk about I suppose.”
“But it’s not weird because we like you to.” You smile. Grateful that Lando isn’t shoving a gag in your mouth for speaking without permission.
“That being said,” Lando smirks, “how about we show just how much we like you, if you’ll let us?”
“Hopefully I can do the same for you.”
Oscar has suddenly found his confidence and pulls Lando down to his lips. It’s a hungry kiss. Their hands explore each other while your left on the ground. Although waiting obediently, you can’t help but squirm.
Lando pulls away and lands his gaze on you. “Why don’t we show Oscar what the pretty mouth of yours can do.”
You nod your head at him and crawl your way in between Oscar’s legs. Your fingers tugging at his waistband and eyeing him for permission. “I would be sad if you didn’t.” He chuckles. His fingers already finding your hair as you pull off his sweats and boxers in one go.
He’s already very hard and admittedly very pretty. Lando sets himself behind to Aussie and chuckles darkly. “Go ahead love.”
You take the permission and start with just your tongue. Attempting to wet his length before you take him down your throat.
The guttural moan that leaves Oscars lips only encourages you to keep going. You practically shake at you watch Lando strip both himself and the other male of their shirts.
“You can be rough with her, she likes it that way.”
The Aussie takes that as his cue. One hand forms a makeshift ponytail and the other lines himself up with your mouth. You barely get a chance to breathe before Oscar is shoving himself down your throat. You hollow your cheeks as he bucks his hips up with an unrelenting speed.
You hadn’t even noticed you left yourself in a waiting position. Oscar slows for just a moment as he sees the tears roll down your cheeks and the absent placement of your hand on his leg. He pulls your arm up and sets your hand on his thighs. “One tap to keep going, two to stop.”
You tap once and he’s back at slamming himself into your mouth.
Lando’s fingers are running up and down Oscars body, his mouth giving you the praise you so desire. “Good girl, just like that, isn’t she good Oscar?”
“Fuck- yes, so fucking good, your mouth is amazing.”
There isn’t much warning from him verbally, but the twitching in your mouth and sloppy movements tells you everything you need to know. He’s finishing in your mouth seconds later and you take every drop. Not that you had much choice to begin with anyways. Lando drops down to your level. You hold your mouth open for him, as it routine, and let him inspect. “So fucking good. Such a perfect slut for me.”
Oscars catching his breath. His body still twitching. “I think that’s the best blowjob someone had ever given me.” He pants
You smile proudly at your handiwork.
“It’s not the first time someone has said that.” Laughs Lando. He stands up again leaving you planted on the floor.
“They’d be stupid not to.”
You eye Lando expectantly, assuming he’ll want to make use of your mouth next. “Not tonight love, I have other plans.” He helps you up off the floor and lets you stretch your legs before tossing you on the bed. “I think you’ve done so well that you deserve to be rewarded.”
Oscar doesn’t hesitate to let his fingers dance across your body. He’s watching your face and looking for your most sensitive spots.
You haven't let out a single noise, and you're proud of yourself for it. For as much as Lando loved to tease, he had to admit you are really good at doing what you're told.
Lando is quick to remove the rest of your clothes while Oscar makes it his personal mission to make you moan. Something you intend on not doing. At least until your given permission.
With you now being exposed to the hungry eyes of the two males, you can't help but feel a tad overwhelmed.
Though it doesn't last long, though, as two mouths are hungrily sucking and nipping at the most sensitive parts of your breasts. Leaving marks as they go. You bite down so hard on your lip that it bleeds.
Lando can read you like a book. He knows you're focused on behaving and not enjoying the moment. "Moan for us love, tell us how good you're feeling." And with that, you're a whining mess.
Lando detaches himself from you. "You can return the favor if you want Oscar." He's smirking. Lando has always known exactly how to play this game. How to get then exactly where he wants them.
"Mmm think I'd rather take you."
You almost choke at the look the flashes across the Brits face. He's never been in this position before. Sure, he's had the other guys suck him off, but that was on his instruction. This is new territory.
Oscar is crawling over the top of you and sliding himself down Lando. The Brit is still too shocked for words.
He tests the limits, taking a few kitten licks over Lando. Then, makes direct eye contact and slips his mouth over the entirty of Landos dick.
It's weird to watch them. Normally you have a job. Without one you just go back to waiting.
Oscar pulls his mouth off for a moment and looks at you. "You know his body better than me. Why don't you show me where he likes being touched."
Oh this was definitely new territory. You didn't know what to do in this situation. You look at Lando for some sort of idea.
"Guess you get to listen to two people tonight." Then, without hesitation, you let your hands roam freely.
It's funny, you think, that Oscar had moved your hand earlier but now his hands were placed on wither side of the Brit.
To mimic the action he did earlier, you put his hand on Lando's thigh. He looks at you with appreciation and then continues taking apart the Brit underneath him.
You attach your lips and your teeth to places you know he's sensitive. Dragging your tongue from his pec all the way to his ear lobe.
And as his lips landed on yours, Lando was shaking underneath you. Oscar managed to suck him through his entire high, leaving him in an exhausted heap on the bed.
"Hey Lando, I think our girl has been waiting patiently, yeah?"
The was he says our has you trembling. They are both eyeing you now, and you have no idea what to do.
Lando reaches for your frame and pulls you into his lap. His fingers lazily dance over the one place you ache to be touched.
You sigh as he slips a singular finger into you, moving in and out so slow you think you might cry.
Oscar leaves kisses all over your thighs, working his way up to your needy heat. Lightly flicking your clit with his tongue when he reaches the top.
The two boys are steadily picking up the pace. Lando is gradually adding more fingers. The coil is getting closer to snapping.
Your writhing and panting in their hold. Oscar has his arms hooked under your knees to keep you from moving away. Lando's free arm is pressed firmly under your chest. His teeth sucking marks into your neck and collarbone.
"Please." You beg.
"Please what?"
"Please- fuck, can I come?"
"Go ahead, you've been doing so well, your such a good girl."
The coil snaps, and the ecstasy floods every inch of your body. Your body spasms, flailing your limbs in every direction.
The boys hold you firmly in place, determind to ride every second of your high out of you.
You're left panting as you come down. Sweat now glossing over all three of you.
"Wanna keep going?"
You and Lando look at Oscar. His face was completely unfazed. Who know the Aussie could be so insatiable.
"You know, we don't normally do this, but if y/n wants to, I'm okay if you fuck her."
Your mouth drops in shock for the umpteenth time that night. Lando had never let anyone else fuck you and you were okay with it.
Again, new territory.
Oscar looks over at you. His eyes questioning. "Or I'm very willing to take you both at the same time."
Good grief. The stupidly shy bashful Australian boy has the sex drive of an animal in heat.
Normally, it's Lando in charge, but there seems to be a change. He actually likes Oscar. This isn't some attempt at teaching someone a lesson or proving a point. This is a genuine attempt at inviting him in.
You were glad that you got to keep the spot on the bed. More on the edge of the bed now, but still the bed nonetheless.
Oscar is still lapping at your skin like it's a drug. You can feel the marks covering your skin from where he's been sucking at you with his teeth.
Normally, the two of you didn't use lube unless it was an occasion like this. Even then, it wasn't much. Lando thought is would be amazing to use the entire bottle over the three of you. Because apparently, the sweat isn't enough.
Oscar's moans are steadily increasing as Lando continues to work his ass. The Austrian is using you as a human gag to hopefully keep his volume at a reasonable pitch.
Lando likes a stripe onto the back of the Male in front of him. "Do you think you're ready?" He's looking at both of you for confirmation.
It all happens far too quickly for your liking. The fact that all your bodies fit together like puzzle pieces. The way the pace was a speed you'd yet to experience (how these boys could snap their hips so fast was beyond you).
Oscar has practically fallen on top of you at this point. Lando is doing his best to keep the Australians full weight off of you. He's not even moving anymore. Lando is moving in and out of him and you by proxy.
It's a weird feeling having the weight of two body's between your hips. Your close and desperately chasing your second high of the night.
Unlucky is the only word that comes to mind as Oscar and Lando reach theirs in sync. The feelings of watching them together are damn near indescribable, and it makes you wish you joined them.
You are also someone who likes to please. This means that faking it seems like the best option.
As you'll soon come to find out, this is far from the a good plan.
Both Oscar and Lando are panting and trying to get resitiated. Both of them eyes you cautiously. Then they look at eachother, then at you, then eachother, until finally they say something.
"Pretty sure I know a fake orgasm when I see one." Comments Oscar.
Lando was unfortunately not able to see you very well, so not only is he glad Oscar was able to read you, but now he's received to know he can see when you're obviously trying to please.
You feel yourself flush and curl your knees over your chest. Guilt? Shame? Lust? All at once? There are too many feelings for your foggy brain right now.
"You should know better, love. Did you think we weren't going to be happy with you?"
You feel yourself slipping into the lovely fuzzy head space and the sound of Lando's almost condescending tone.
"I don't know, Oscar. I think now we need to make sure she can be honest with her body." Lando smirks at the Australian whos still out of breath and supporting himself of the Brit.
Their eyes find yours, and you're met with that hungry look once again. At this point, you've resigned that this night is never going to end, and if you're being perfectly honest, you don't want it too.
"Color?"
"Green."
Then they're pouncing on top of you like they've caught themselves dinner. Hands are everywhere and nowhere all at once.
It's hours later when you're spent. They drew at least five more out of you. All in various different ways.
Now came the most intresting part.
You're a mess lying on the bed. Limbs a twitching pile of mush. Your hair stuck to your skin. Eyes glossed over and head heavy with a thick fog. So deep in your damn head space.
Their mixed words of shame and praise somehow set every one of your nerves alight. You'd been calling both of them a title usually reserved for just Lando, but he hadn't corrected you.
You whine as the pull away. Your body already missing their touch.
"Gotta get you cleaned up, beautiful. Don't want to you to get sick."
A slurred 'yes sir' makes its way out of your mouth. Other words are far too difficult right now.
"Mmm need to know you're here with me."
"I'm here, I think."
Lando is mildly impressed that the two boys managed to put you so deep into the blissful state of mind. His hands stroke your stick thighs as he hums words of praise. Slipping in the occasional gentle kiss to your hand.
Oscar comes back cleaned up first. Still without a shirt, but his sweats are back on. "So aftercare, is there a routine you guys normally have or does it very? Do you want me to go?"
Oscar doesn't miss the frown of your face when he suggests he leaves. "Stay. Please." Again, it's mumbled and slurred, but both boys can tell what you're trying to say.
"No worries, I'm right here." Oscare slides into the bed next to you.
"Wanna stay with her, and I'll clean up? I'll get some rags and things as well. Normally, our third has left without helping me take care of her. Had to take her to the doctor once after Daniel bruised her throat with his hands, and she couldn't talk for a week. So I won't lie, this is new."
"Well I like you both and if you'll have me I'd like to stay around awhile."
There was a knowing look shared between all three of you that even your your state you recognized. Oscar wanted to stay, and you and Lando wanted him to. For more than just the sex.
Lando tossed Oscar a wet rag. To cool damp feeling of the towel felt nice on your skin, making you shower with the sensation.
Lando came back a few minutes later, freshend up, and a hair brush in hand. He slides in behind you and gently threads the comb through your locks.
Eventually, you're able to make it to the bathroom on your own, albeit with shaky legs. Lando gave you one of his shirts to change into with the promise of Oscar bringing some of his clothes for you the next time around.
You're still a little shocked that he wanted a next time.
Carlos had admittedly come back for a few more rounds, but there were never any strings attached. Daniel came back, but that always felt competitive. There was consent and communication involved with both parties but it never felt this... intimate.
The two boys made sure you had water and food, so you didn't feel sick after all the energy you'd exerted. Then you slid into bed between them. Sleep hitting all of you in minutes.
The three of you got away with a hidden relationship for about four months until Lando slipped up in an interview. Your first paddock appearance with the two after that was mildly controversial, but they were quick to shut down invasive reporters and toxic fans.
It was a press conference that Lando finally got to use his signature line.
"Lando, you've recently announced your relationship with your teammate and longtime girlfriend. What sparked this into effect?"
"Well you know what they say, sharing is caring."
You and Oscar can only laugh at the Brit and his stupid catchphrase.
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williamrikers · 10 months
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On the subject of consent in recent BLs
In this analysis, I will take a look at several love scenes in recent Thai BLs, how they frame consent and the sexual agency of the characters, and why those matter.
(KinnPorsche deserves its own post: I’m sure people have already written in detail about how much emphasis is placed on issues of consent/non-consent throughout the show and how fundamental consent is to the relationship arcs of both KinnPorsche and VegasPete, and I won’t belabor the point here. Also, special shout-out to The Warp Effect for what it brought to the conversation about gay sex, but TWE isn’t technically a BL so I decided not to include it in this analysis.)
I am going to take a closer look at the following shows in this essay: Not Me, The Eclipse, A Boss And A Babe, Step By Step, and La Pluie.
Not Me and The Eclipse predate the other shows by two years/one year respectively, but I feel it is valuable to include them here because both show very explicit negotiations of consent that I feel are spiritual successors to the wonderful scenes we’ve been getting in the other three shows.
Why am I even writing this? There used to be an unfortunate tendency in the genre to have a power imbalance between the “seme” and the “uke” character, which translated into the seme deciding when to have sex and what kind of sex to have—and even though recently, several shows have done good work in dismantling the seme/uke dynamic and questioning the associated stereotypes, it cannot be denied that the archetypes are still an important part of most BLs, and even in cases where the tropes are played with and questioned, understanding those subversions still requires a knowledge of and familiarity with the original tropes on the part of the audience.
However, gone are the days of Until We Meet Again and Dean’s “I’ve waited long enough, make sure you’re ready.” (I enjoyed UWMA a lot but that was. Yeah. Not Great.) Now, we see characters actually talking about and negotiating their limits, and doing what feels good to them.
Let’s start from the very beginning. Not Me was an absolute trailblazer in this regard, and not mentioning it here would be a gross oversight. The first time Sean and White have sex, it happens in their version of the beach episode. (Which, in Not Me, is the two characters briefly living in a tent inside an abandoned building. This show is the best.) Sean and White are removed from their usual environment and protected from the outside world by two barriers: the walls of the old house and the tent that’s literally enveloping them and giving them a space that is unequivocally theirs, shared, in which neither one of the characters has any sort of power over the other. And what happens in that space when they’re about to have sex is extremely interesting: the first thing Sean asks is whether White is afraid of him, which White denies. The following exchange goes like this: White: "So, what are we doing?" Sean: "What should I do to you?" White: "That’s up to you." (Watch the whole scene here.)
I find this exchange incredibly meaningful because this already turns the seme/uke dynamic that can be found in a lot of other shows on its head. OffGun as a branded pair can easily be stereotyped into the seme/uke dynamic just because of their physical appearances, and clearly spelling out that both characters have agency in this scene is incredibly important.
And then it gets better! Sean assumes that White is sexually inexperienced (which is not true but the fact that White was actually in a relationship with a woman back in Russia never comes up again after the pilot episode, so maybe the show expects us to assume this, too), and suggests they try different things and White can tell him what he likes and doesn’t like. Compared to the stuff we’re getting now, this scene isn’t very high heat at all, but it’s one of my favorite intimate scenes ever because them asking each other “Do you like this?” after every kiss, every touch, is so incredibly unique and transports a wonderful sense of figuring out sexual pleasure together, as a couple.
Sex in Not Me is not something one character does to another, it is something that is discovered and shared together, and we even get an afterglow scene in which they gently tease each other about their fast beating hearts. (And don’t get me started on the importance of White choosing to ask Sean whether Sean is okay with White not being like Black in that moment right before they have sex, because he doesn’t actually want to have sex with Sean as Black! He wants to discover and share intimacy with Sean as White, as himself, not as his brother! The layers!)
Anyway, I think that scene paved the way for a lot of the conversations around consent we’re now getting in BL, just because it is so explicitly, unashamedly putting forward a definition of sexuality that has nothing to do with one character actively giving and the other passively receiving, but frames intimacy as something that is built together. (More on giving and receiving later!)
Now, moving on to The Eclipse. I decided to include the first time Akk and Aye have sex for a different reason: while we don’t really see them actually talking about consent, we see them practicing non-verbal consent. Let me explain. Akk’s and Aye’s whole thing is teasing each other. At first, Aye is usually the one doing the teasing, but Akk gets the hang of it towards the end of the show and teases his boyfriend right back. When they’re in Akk’s childhood bedroom together, Aye clearly alludes to the fact that he thought they might use this opportunity to have sex for the first time, which Akk pretends not to understand, all while alluding to it himself. I love this guy. (Watch the whole scene here.) Anyway, Akk says he wants to sleep, lies down and once again, tells Aye jokingly he just wants to sleep, clearly expecting Aye to do what other BL protagonists do at that point and not take no for an answer (sidenote: I HATE the “saying no as foreplay” trope with a passion and as far as I’m concerned it should die already).
However, Aye is not like other BL love interests, and he backs off. He stops touching Akk, lies down with his back to Akk, showing Akk that he takes him by his word: if Akk says he wants to sleep, Aye is going to let him do just that. So now, it’s on Akk to say that, no, that’s not what he meant, can Aye please come back to cuddle. And then Akk is the one to escalate from cuddling to kissing, which is extremely important: we know that Aye has been ready to have sex with Akk since forever, it’s Akk who’s been having hangups about intimacy this whole time.
They don’t put consent into so many words on this show, but Aye shows Akk that he respects his limits and that Akk only has to tell him he doesn’t want to do something and Aye will take him at his word.
So, these are, to me, two foundational scenes of establishing consent: one that shows consent as something that is established verbally, as an ongoing conversation, and one that shows consent as something that is established physically, by showing your partner that you respect their choices and limits by way of simply acting accordingly.
Now, let’s get into the fun part: scenes we got so far in 2023. I’m writing this post on the 13th of June, and I’m sure this year still has some great things in store for us, especially because Step By Step and La Pluie are both ongoing and neither of the main couples are actually together yet at time of writing. However, they’ve both already given us AMAZING scenes on the topic of consent, so I feel it is worthwhile to write about those already.
I want to start off by talking about A Boss And A Babe.
Let me just preface this by saying that the intimate scenes in ABAAB are some of my all time favorites in BL ever, because in them, sex is something that is just so normal. When Gun and Cher have sex, we don’t see them very passionate, excited, reluctant or wide-eyed innocent (which are some of the emotions traditionally associated with sex in BL). On the contrary, in every single scene that shows them being intimate, both characters are incredibly calm. They’re certainly happy to be with each other, but in a subdued way. Someone described their second intimate scene as them seeming like they’ve been married for a few years. They’re both just… incredibly normal about having sex with each other. It’s simply something they like to do together. It’s a part of their romance but it’s not more or less important than any other aspects of their lives.
And consent is at the very heart of it.
When Gun and Cher have their first time, we see Gun explicitly asking for consent two times: first, “Can I kiss you?”, then, “Can I do more?” The second one even comes with the promise that if Cher says no, Gun will immediately go to sleep without mentioning it again. And then it is on Cher to say yes, to pull Gun close and kiss him to show him that he is comfortable with taking things further. (In the show, these two questions were shown apart from each other, I cut together a version of the whole First Time Scene in its entirety, watch it here.)
Now, things get more interesting: the second intimate scene shows Cher initiating the encounter (watch the whole scene here). Cher pretty consistently falls into the uke category, both physically and as far as characterization is concerned, but he’s certainly not shy in the bedroom. And this time, he’s the one who asks for consent from Gun: Gun asks “You’re starting it?” and Cher’s response is “Can I?” Despite him being framed physically lower than Gun, basically at Gun’s mercy, he still seeks confirmation that Gun is okay with the way things are going. Not to overstate it, but to me, this feels revolutionary. Once again, we’re being shown that sex is something two people do together, as a shared activity, and that the “seme” character isn’t expected to just be up for it. He, too, has the right to say no.
On this show, sexual agency is taken extremely seriously, and it is clear that both Gun and Cher give each other space to decide what they’re comfortable doing. This is shown in non-intimate scenes as well: there are so many moments on ABAAB in which the characters negotiate physical touch and closeness, asking each other for hugs before actually hugging each other, Cher leaning on Gun’s shoulder in the car but not allowing Gun to touch him because that’s not what he’s comfortable with in that moment, and so on. (The only exception to this otherwise pretty consistent rule is the kiss in the car scene, which I’m still extremely confused about because it seems to go completely against Gun’s character. Who knows what happened there.)
Of course, the fact that so much emphasis is placed on negotiation and consent isn’t surprising on a show that has such obvious kink undertones and whose Our Skyy 2 entry basically consisted entirely of Dom/sub roleplay at work—I’m just saying, I think someone on the writing team is way into BDSM and knows all about the importance of enthusiastic consent from all parties involved, and I would like to send them flowers.
Step By Step hasn’t really reached the point where we can analyse the dynamic between the main couple (although we can take some educated guesses based on the interactions we’ve seen so far). However, last week’s episode had an extremely important scene between Pat and Put: Pat wanting to have sex with Put, then changing his mind mid make-out (watch the whole scene here). I really like the way this scene was done. No matter how shitty Put treats Pat at times, in this instance, he immediately understood and respected Pat’s change of mind without Pat even saying or explaining anything—at the end of the episode, Put says to Pat that Pat should tell Put when he feels ready to have sex. (We already know this will never happen because of course, Pat and Put are not endgame, but I do appreciate the sentiment.)
BLs rarely include a whole storyline in which the protagonist is in an actual, serious romantic relationship with someone other than his endgame love interest (hi Moonlight Chicken!), or if they do then just to up the angst factor. In this case, however, I feel that this scene raises our expectations for Jeng even further: if the guy who is definitely not a romantic match for Pat treats Pat with this much respect in the bedroom, then Jeng has to do at least that and then some. I do feel confident that Jeng won’t disappoint in this regard, but it’s fascinating to see a show frame this kind of respect as the absolute baseline minimum, with the endgame love interest expected to do even better.
Now, the one you’ve all been waiting for. The one that made me write this whole essay in the first place: La Pluie.
Oh boy. Where to start.
A week ago, we got an incredible make-out scene on Saengtai’s floor, which ended in Patts stopping the encounter because he could tell Tai wasn’t really comfortable taking things further—@bengiyo talked about that scene in detail here. And then, three days ago, La Pluie gave us the most unique, trope-defying, timeline-changing blowjob scene of all time, and I want to talk about it.
Tai and Patts are making out on their bed, Tai is not ready to go “all the way” and stops Patts from undressing him. We see a very realistic frustrated reaction from Patts, who nevertheless immediately stops and accepts Tai’s wishes—it is clear that Patts does not expect things to go any further at this point, and that he won’t pressure Tai into anything.
And then, Tai offers to blow him.
(Unfortunately, this show is only on iQiyi so I can't link to it, but you can get a good impression of the scene here.)
I mentioned the concepts of giving and receiving earlier: other people have said this more eloquently than me, but there is a tendency not only in BL but also in wider society to view sex in terms of giving and receiving, with a lot of expectations and stereotypes attached to the roles during different sexual acts. On other shows, that blowjob might be framed as a consolidation or an apology, something that the giver does out of a sense of obligation without enjoying it much. Not so on La Pluie! Tai is shown incredibly happy and satisfied afterwards, both when they’re sleeping next to each other, as well as on the morning after (see also @ginnymoonbeam's post about that here). Tai offered to blow Patts because he simply wanted to, not motivated by guilt or anything of that sort. And he genuinely enjoyed it! In the post I linked above, @bengiyo points out that La Pluie consistently centers queer desire, or more specifically in this case, male desire for a male body; much in the same way that the camera fucking loves Force’s body on ABAAB: the sensuality of the skin, the hands, the abs, the flat chests, the broad backs and shoulders of these men is explicitly emphasized, and Tai’s desire for a dick in his mouth is made absolutely crystal-clear. Of course, since this is a TV show and not a porno, we only see Patts’s thumb in Tai’s mouth instead of his dick, but the imagery, the implications, are clear as day.
And it is such a gentle framing, too: Patts caresses Tai’s lip lovingly, Tai opens his mouth slowly, seductively, then faces Patts’s crotch with a soft look on his face. We do get a clear sense of this encounter as tender, and gentle, and most of all, desired. Tai’s queer desire is at the heart of this scene, and at the heart of the afterglow scene as well. He wanted this man’s dick in his mouth, openly suggested it, showed Patts he was sure about his decision after Patts asked him whether he was, and ended up clearly happy and satisfied with the sex they had. This post, also by @bengiyo, goes into more detail on that.
This, once again, shows us sex as a conversation rather than a series of predetermined acts, shows us sex as a shared activity, as something that can be wonderful and intimate and make people happy without following what society views as “the correct steps”. I think this is extremely important because one part of queer identity is figuring out one’s own relationship to sexuality, one’s own desires and needs, and BLs that ignore this aspect fall a little short in my opinion. Sure, those men are kissing, but do they experience queer desire? Do they experience joy in their queer desire?
For me personally, a show that does not shy away from these questions is a lot more meaningful than a show that does, and consent is at the heart of it all. By framing sex as a conversation, as something that is built and shared together, the shows I looked at here are actively positioning themselves against the idea that there should be predetermined roles for partners during sex, and instead suggest that queer joy can be found in communication and consent. Understanding sex and intimacy as something that is built together, with both partners as equals in conversation, is just as radically queer as a man waking up with a smile on his face after giving his soulmate a blowjob the previous night.
And quite honestly, a male character who clearly, passionately, unquestioningly communicates that he wants a dick inside of him—that is incredibly sexy. But maybe that’s just me.
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gg-selvish · 4 months
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wearing a shirt during sex to signify a lack of power in smut - gn trifecta 2023
the fics i'm going to talk about are all georgenap fics i wrote this year, and i consider them while different in their own way essentially the same fic because of the formula of writing it and also this key detail of the eventual smut of each long oneshot
nbd + when we're older, + maple syrup (your purple sweater)
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this was made half-seriously with milo @daydreamdnn but basically it shows how each fic has their similarities but dumbs down to roughly the same kind of vibe. anyways onto the shirts...
nbd:
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nbd is probably the least angsty of all of the fics because george's anguish throughout is seen as pretty silly by the reader and you know it's gonna have a happy ending so you're not really concerned. in the fic, however, george's position is dire to him. seeing sapnap get with a girl is a huge hit to his ego and he finds himself incredibly insecure in general but also just in regards to his place with sapnap. so george keeps his shirt on for their first time even though he's all dominant and in control because he's not actually running the show or in power, the whole fic the power has belonged to sapnap. george keeping his shirt on during the smut really has little to do with the smut despite the fact that sex is a big intimate thing and george keeping his shirt on shows that he's not ready to be that vulnerable with sapnap yet, he knows he has power over him. he learned that well from this.
when we're older:
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when we're older is next angstiest for sure. a lot goes down between those two and i was actually surprised to see this wasn't the one where they're both shirtless until i thought about it a bit more and it makes sense. this fic is split 2/2 in sapnap/george scenes and in the sapnap scenes he's pretty earnestly treated like shit by george so the whole fic he has these lingering trust issues with him that even go past their smut scene. after they have sex sapnap still doubts that george loves him even though he straight up confesses to him because he's been done so dirty. so in this intimate space together he keeps himself covered to protect himself because he knows he's powerless and weak to george, and always has been.
maple syrup (your purple sweater):
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this one is weird. this is the angstiest and most fucked up fic of the three and probably that i posted this year but in this smut scene they're both completely naked for each other not because they trust each other but because they have history that the other aus don't. the power in this scene is very messy. george is actively manipulating sapnap into sex but sapnap is something that george needs so really his reactions to george hold far more power than george's manipulation tactics. it's very fucky and tricky and they both are in a weird position over each other so they just are both bare and exposed for the other to see. because these are the only ones that aren't friends to lovers, they're exes to lovers. so getting naked was so second nature they didn't consider keeping a shirt on for safety or comfort, they're sapnap and george and they're gonna have sex so they're naked. so they're both raw and vulnerable with power dynamics spinning like a top and guess what? it explodes. sapnap gets burned. no one is protecting themself so someone gets hurt.
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do you see how it's all the same? the stats on these fics drive me a bit bonkers because everyone's scared of maple syrup while the other two have almost identical stats. they're all the same! just slightly different. anyway i hope this was interesting :) thanks to @lemon-mint813 for helping me organize this exploration of these fics :)
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achaotichuman · 1 month
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Do you think you could write about dehlia in this context: https://www.tumblr.com/praetorqueenreyna/737196004108058624?source=share, hopefully featuring deadbeat at first mom feyre, horrified stepdad rhysand, tired of it all tamlin and a supportive lucien/eris.
This has been sitting, marinating in my drafts. But it is finally complete. I am fully aware I fucked up the timeline here, but I'm not rewriting all of this, so we're gonna pretend that fancy Fae tests can reveal a pregnancy at four weeks instead of eight like the post said.
And disclaimer before anyone calls for my head, for this fic I am also rewriting Ianthe's character, because she is too interesting for me to just write off as a sex offender and never think about again. Also, it is very interesting to see her as a genuinely morally grey person with good intentions. So, in this fic, she never SAs Lucien, but she does get a cool plot twist so stay tuned for that.
Basically, I have turned this into a rewrite of Acomaf and Acowar. A lot of the events were written from pure memory, and asking Tumblr, so forgive me if some scenes from the OG series were left out or written significantly differently. We mostly got Feyre's version of events anyway, so I'm not too worried.
This will be split into several chapters. Three being for the Mist and Fury rewrite, and then two for the Wings and Ruin rewrite. And if I have time, I'll do an Acofas rewrite. I'll be uploading all three of the Mist and Fury chapters today, and linking them in this post. You can also find it on SquidgeWorld here, and Ao3 here.
Anyway, here is the long-awaited fic, anon. And @r-biter, thank you for the original post, I hope I do it justice. Also @praetorqueenreyna who reblogged the original post.
Also, did I turn this into a Tamcien fic? Yes, of course I did.
______________________________________________________________
A Field of Dahlias
“Are you alright with this?” He asked, it may have been the hundredth time he asked, Feyre gave him the same exasperated eyes she had given him all night long. 
Everything pointed to her being more than alright with this. Him pressed into the sheets below her, their clothes forgotten on the floor, her eyes glazed with lust. The rush of new hormones in her head no doubt fuelled the arousal that was now pressed against his wet slit. She leaned down, teeth a touch sharper than normal. She kissed his neck, dragging her canines along his fluttering pulse like he would for her. 
She ran her now larger hands down his slightly smaller than normal frame. Hands finding his breasts and squeezing relentlessly, pinching his nipples, her rough fingers, calloused from years of work from before she had been turned fae. Tamlin bit down on his lip, not wanting the whimper that pressed against his vocal cords to be released. A part of him still didn’t understand the switch in the power dynamic and begged to flip her over, to shift them both back to normal and continue this the way he knew well. 
But he didn’t, he remained underneath Feyre. Her chest flatter, set a touch wider, her shoulders broader. Her hips, now more narrow, rocked forward ever so slightly, as if on their own accord, as if her body was begging to bury the length now resting between her legs into the tight warmth before her. 
“I’m fine, more than fine, like I’ve said a hundred times already.” She added an eye roll to the last part, Tamlin countered it with his own. 
“Fine, but if you want to stop at anytime-”
“Are you okay with this, Tam?” She asked, hands becoming more gentle, roaming his skin like she loved it, like she cared. 
It was still new, the loving and the caring, the likes of which Tamlin hadn’t felt in years. 
“I’m okay.” Tamlin said, forcing his voice to remain steady. He loosened a breath, then spread his thighs wider. 
“Well?” He asked, adding a grin to his words, “Lets see how sloppy your form is, wicked creature.”
Feyre gave him her own wild grin, eyes filled with that lust and love. Something caring and devoted in her face, she leaned down and put her face into the crook of his neck, licking at the skin in a careful, deliberate manner. 
“Let’s see how well you hold up, Faerie Lord.” 
***
Tamlin shuffled a few papers on his desk. Briefly glancing over all of them before sorting them into piles and picking up the one closest to his left. With nimble fingers he paged them apart and began to read each complaint. A sigh escaping his throat. 
He tried to ease the worry sitting low in his belly but it wouldn’t relent, as the pile of complaints grew higher, the headache pounding behind his eyes tightened. 
After he was done reading the letters, he moved to open a drawer in his desk. Then the feeling of his stomach lurching overwhelmed his senses. Nausea made his legs shake, he retched, then quickly slapped his palm over his mouth before winnowing to the nearby bathroom. 
He had all of about three seconds before he was bent over the toilet, vomiting until he was shaking so badly he could barely stand on his knees. He dry heaved for a minute before finally his body relented and he slumped back, panting heavily, beats of sweat gathering on his forehead. 
“Gods dammit.” He cursed, forcing himself to his feet and quickly cleaning up. 
As he rinsed out his mouth, a pain shot up his spine and the sickness returned with a festering wrath. Tamlin groaned, a low sound from the back of his throat, he gripped the sides of the sink. 
***
It didn’t relent, the sickness came and went throughout the days. Tamlin thought he could handle it. Thought he could make it through the seemingly endless hours without anyone knowing something was amiss. 
“Two of you will head for the south border and I will send another group towards-” Tamlin was cut off by bile rising quickly in his throat, burning him from the inside out. He couldn’t get another word out before he sprinted back inside. Leaving five very confused sentries outside. 
He rushed past several servants, all of which stopped to stare in concern. Tamlin ignored all of them. 
It was Alis that didn’t stare. Rather broke into a sprint after him. The Summer Faery found Tamlin practically doubled over while he emptied the contents of his stomach. Alis snapped in a gasp, then quickly ran over to pull back his hair, sticking to his face from sweat. 
“Tam…” She murmured. 
Tamlin could barely see, the world tipping from one side to the other. 
“Why are you staring?” Alis shouted at somebody, or somebodies at the door. Tamlin had enough sense to look back over his shoulder. He saw several servants who were loitering at the door, wondering what exactly was happening. 
“Leave this instant, go back to your duties.” She shouted, then quickly slammed the door, everyone scattered as quickly as possible. 
Tamlin panted as he sat back on his heels, tilting his head to the ceiling, “Gods.”
“Tamlin, are you alright?” Alis asked, helping him onto his shaking feet. He wanted to shove away from her and insist he was fine, but he was still getting his bearings back and the world was too bright, and he had a headache. 
She led him to the sink and coaxed him into washing up. Tamlin splashed his face with ice water, and rinsed out his mouth. Then he looked up to see the mirror. 
Gods, he hadn’t realised how little sleep he had been getting until he saw the deep purple under his eyes. The gauntness in them, along with his too pale face, made him resemble something of a ghost. 
“I…” 
“Tam.” She murmured. Putting a hand to his forehead, the rough bark of her hands rubbing against the soft skin. She furrowed her eyebrows, “You don’t have a temperature. 
“I’m fine, Alis.” He said. 
She breathed in deeply, face carefully controlled, “You need to see a healer. I will call for one-”
She turned to leave, but Tamlin took hold of her wrist. The light shining from Faelights in the bathroom too bright, he was so tired. 
“I don’t need a healer, Alis. It’s nothing.” He told her. Ignoring the image of himself in the mirror, ignoring that fact he knew very well that he did not look fine.
Still Alis wouldn’t go against his orders. She sighed, shoulders slumping slightly, her eyes cast downwards, “Just… fine then. Just please see one if this gets worse.”
Tamlin bit down on the inside of his cheek, but nodded all the same. 
***
It got worse, and there wasn’t anything he could do to hide it from anybody too close. 
So he locked himself in his study or his room, and tried to focus on anything else. Anything other than the constant headache pounding behind his eyes. The never-ending wish to lay in his bed and sleep until his days ended, and the constant vomiting. 
It didn’t relent, instead it worsened. 
Alis found him again. In the bathroom in his room. When she spotted his hair, dirty and tangled, eye bags even darker and skin paler than ever. She narrowed her eyes, but quickly tied back his hair. Once he was done, she told him, “We’re getting a healer.”
Tamlin wanted to protest again, but he was so tired. So he said nothing, instead he slumped against the nearest wall and closed his eyes. 
Why was this happening? Now of all times, when he needed to be alert for his Court. For the people who were still recovering. 
“It’s just stress.” Tamlin told Alis as she put a dampened cloth to his forehead. 
“I would still like for you to see a healer.” 
‘I don’t believe a word you say’, is what that meant. Tamlin chuckled, but the sound was hollow. 
“Alis, I-”
“Hush now, child.” She murmured, brushing a stray strand of hair away from his face as she sat down beside him, “I’ll call a healer, we will figure out what is happening.”
It felt too familiar. Like the days spent in his childhood when he and Alis would sit on the ground in the gardens, whilst she sang him songs in a language he didn’t know at the time. A language she had taught him, so he could sing with her. 
It was too nostalgic. He didn’t deserve to feel that love again. That deep rooted, innocent love, it belonged to the child that hadn’t been stained by the world. 
It belonged to the kid that hadn’t been ruined in every sense of the word. 
Alis didn’t seem to care in the slightest. She took in her hands three strands of blond hair and began to weave a braid. 
“It’ll be okay.” She assured him. 
Tamlin scoffed, he felt her fingers pause in his hair, so he mumbled, “Nothing seems okay now.”
Alis tilted her head slightly, to see his eyes better. Her brown irises rose to meet his green ones. Alis reached out, her rough fingertips caressing the side of his face ever so softly. 
“It will.” She whispered, “It will get better, Tam.”
***
The healer that he saw was named Heilda, she was a short sweet-faced lesser Fae with fluttering mosaic wings and short near white curly hair. Her eyes were all black and her teeth were sharpened. Tamlin was sitting in her office, in a small cottage in the middle of one of the busiest villages, close to the Manor. One of his hands rubbed his temple while the other tapped his leg. 
Lucien had dropped him off at Heilda’s residence before leaving to inform Alis he had indeed gone to the healer and not run off. Tamlin had then insisted he didn’t need to, but the headache came back, and Tamlin was powerless to stop the determined redhead. 
“How long has the vomiting been happening?” Heilda asked. 
The High lord bit the inside of his cheek, quickly thinking back on the past few months since they left the Mountain, “Give or take a month and a half.”
She quickly jotted that down in a leatherback notebook in her hands, then asked, “I’ve also been told you’ve been experiencing severe headaches? How long has that been happening?”
Tamlin shrugged, “I’ve had them all my life, just recently they’re occurring more and more.”
Heilda nodded as she jot notes down in her leather book, before turning to a variety of medicinal herbs and bottles of strangely coloured liquids. 
She rifled through a few before taking a mortar and pestle and began to grind a mixture of dried plants and herbs, asking questions as she did. 
“Have there been any recent changes in diet?” 
“No,” Unless Alis was slowly poisoning him, but he didn’t think her the killer type. 
“Drinking water regularly?” 
“Yes.”
“Have you been sleeping properly?”
Tamlin almost answered yes, then he remembered the nightmares that riddled his sleep, “...No.”
“Alright, that could be one cause, but from the extent of your headaches I’m inclined to believe there could be something else.” She took the herbal mixture and went to a fireplace where a small cauldron bubbled incessantly, “I’d like to run a few tests, my Lord.”
“Whatever you need to do.” He said. 
She took a blood and urinary sample. Tamlin waited for what felt like hours as she put them through several tests, mostly mixing strange things together and watching what happened. Occasionally noting reactions. Tamlin was bored out of his wits, staring at the ceiling, Heilda had given him some strange purple tea, it eased the pressure in his head and the nausea in his stomach, thankfully. 
There was a light rapping on the door, followed by a very familiar voice, “Lady Heilda, I was sent by Alis.”
“Come in, Lord Lucien.” Was all Heilda said, not looking up from her work. 
Lucien opened the door, his eyes immediately drawn to Tamlin and the drink in his hand. He nodded to it, a silent question, Tamlin just shrugged and jutted his head in the direction of Heilda. 
Lucien sat down in a chair beside Tamlin, “How are you doing?”
“Better since drinking this thing.” He said, showing Lucien the painted mug. Lucien nodded. 
“What's happening now?” He asked. 
“Heilda’s running tests, hopefully we’ll know what’s causing the nausea, we can fix it, then be on our merry way.” Tamlin said, drinking the last of the strange tea.
That was when Heilda clicked her tongue, “I don’t believe this is a problem we can simply fix, my Lord.”
She spun around in her chair, “I believe this problem will be a bit bigger than originally considered.”
Lucien and Tamlin furrowed their brows, glancing at each other before eyeing the healer worriedly. It was Lucien who asked, “And what is the problem exactly?”
Heilda took in a breath, seemingly steeling herself, as if on instinct, Lucien took Tamlin’s hand in his own. Holding him tightly. 
“My Lord,” She said, addressing Tamlin, “Have you shapeshifted into a female form, sometime within the last five or six weeks?”
Tamlin was taken aback by the question, he blinked at her, hand tightening in Lucien’s, “I mean… yes, but I’ve done it before, I don’t know how it could cause any issues. Especially not…” He counted the weeks since that night with Feyre, “Six weeks later.”
Now Heilda snapped in a deep breath, “This may be an uncomfortable question, but did you have any penetrative intercourse whilst in female form?”
“You’re right, that is an uncomfortable question.” Tamlin said, blinking at the healer like she had grown a second head, “That shouldn’t have anything to do with my symptoms.”
“Just trust her, Tam.��� Lucien said, squeezing his hand in an assuring manner. 
“I just need a yes or no answer.” Heilda said gently. 
Tamlin sighed deeply, eyes squeezing shut, “Yes. Feyre is a shapeshifter as well.”
Heilda nodded, then leaned back in her chair, “Did you use any contraceptives this night in question?”
Now Tamlin gritted his teeth, “What does this-”
“Tam.” Lucien said gently. Tamlin looked over at his friend and sighed. 
“No, we did not.”
Heilda nodded, then she rubbed her hands together. Wringing out her fingers and cracking the knuckles as she crossed one leg over the other, “Okay. What I’m about to say may be shocking.”
“Just spit it out.” Tamlin said, finally and fully fed up with these riddles and strange questions. 
“Alright,” Heilda looked between Lucien and Tamlin, Lucien tightened his grip on Tamlin’s hand. 
“Congratulations, Lord Tamlin Fairburn, you are pregnant.”
One heartbeat, then a dozen. Tamlin stared at Heilda like she had two heads and a tail. Lucien had gone completely white, the fire lord looked as though he was about to pass out. 
Heilda looked between the two, she smiled, then clapped her hands as she wheeled her chair away, “This is what happens when you don’t take contraceptives.”
Tamlin laughed, he laughed hard, nearly falling off his chair. He gripped Lucien’s hand so tightly he could feel his bones grinding under his fingers, Lucien didn’t pull away regardless. The Fox remained silent whilst Tamlin fell into hysterics. 
“No!” Tamlin said, pushing himself back into his chair, “No, no, no. I am not- I am not at all. That is wrong!”
Anger now pressed through the hysteria. Heilda sighed like she expected this reaction, turning around she looked over at Tamlin, “Listen, you were in a female form and you-”
“I am not now aren’t I?!” He shouted, standing up from his chair. His sudden motion snapped Lucien from his daze. He quickly stood up and wrapped an arm around Tamlin’s chest. He made to wrap his free arm around his stomach, but suddenly didn’t. When Tamlin looked at him the Fox was breathing deliberately slowly, staring at his abdomen with an unreadable expression. 
It only served to piss Tamlin off even more. Heilda, unlike the two before her, stayed calm, her voice soft and gentle when she replied, “No, but you can still retain a womb in this form if your magic allows it.”
“I shifted back the morning after!” Tamlin shouted, “This should’ve never happened! You are wrong!”
“I’m not, and I think you know I’m not. Spring thrives off of fertility magic, your magic protected the foetus growing in your womb.” Heilda replied. So casual as if this happened every other day. 
Tamlin stammered and stuttered, trying to figure out someway around this. Some loophole or information that would directly challenge this. Like if he wished hard enough he could prove her wrong. Like if he managed to get angry enough, he could make this go away. Tamlin eventually looked to the floor. Beginning to process the information for what it was. For exactly what it meant.  
“I recommend shifting back into the form of a female, it will make this more comfortable.” Heilda said, her voice still so gentle. It stopped making him angrier, and as the initial shock and denial wore off, the world began to tip from one side to the other. Lucien held him up. The red-head’s fingers intertwined with Tamlin’s. 
“Is there anything else, Heilda?” Lucien asked, his voice a soft murmur behind Tamlin, yet a dull vibration in the face of the ringing in his ears growing with each passing second. 
“Bring him back for some more tests once he’s processed this.” Was all Heilda said. Tamlin was caught between wanting to wake up from this as if it were a dream and wanting to rip her throat out for being so casual about this. 
Only Lucien murmured his thanks. Tamlin considered cursing out the healer, but his sudden lack of energy made that impossible. 
In the future he would thank Heilda for being so calm, for now, he hated her for it. 
Lucien and Tamlin were silent as they left the healer’s office. Lucien kept his hand on Tamlin’s, gently leading the way as Tamlin was still reeling. Barely thinking, he couldn’t hear much besides some of Lucien's gentle murmurs and promises that they would figure it out. 
But as Lucien made to winnow them he suddenly stopped, eyes wide, face pale, hands shaking. Tamlin furrowed his brow whispering, “What?”
“Can-Can I winnow you? That won’t hurt…” Lucien bit his lip as he made a quick gesture to Tamlin’s belly. 
Tamlin snarled, his fangs a flash of white. He ripped his hand away from Lucien’s and marched in the general direction of Rosehall.
“Tamlin!” Lucien called out, quick to follow him, “Tamlin you can’t just storm off!”
“Watch me!” Tamlin turned around and screamed at him. Lucien stopped dead in his tracks, his nose scrunched as he furrowed his eyebrows. 
“Don’t scream at me, I’m only trying to help!” Lucien told him.
“I don’t need your help, Lucien! I don’t need you!” It was a dirty lie, because Tamlin needed Lucien more than air. Especially now. He felt his legs shaking, he wanted to fall to the ground. He wanted to sleep for a thousand years. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream and rage and throw things. He wanted to get angry. He wanted to go back to this morning when this didn’t exist to him. 
Tamlin didn’t wait to see Lucien’s reaction to his venomous words, he turned around and continued to storm away. 
He didn’t get far. Lucien appeared behind him and picked him up. Holding him in bridal carry. Tamlin yelled and thrashed, spitting curses at him, some of which he had forgotten he even knew. 
“Put me down!” His voice was drawing attention from passersby, but Lucien didn’t put him down, just waited. 
“Lucien fucking Vanserra let go of me!”
“Stop being a dickhead and I will.”
“You-”
“Tamlin.” Lucien warned. The tiniest hint of a growl in his voice, something about the way he said it made Tamlin stop squirming. The glare of death in the High lord’s eyes never left but he gritted his teeth and stopped moving. 
“Good.” Lucien said, putting him back on the ground, but keeping two hands on his shoulders. 
“Tamlin, we need to deal with this.” Lucien said, his eyes hard, his face unforgiving. 
“I know-”
“No, you will try and ignore this until you are physically unable to any longer, and then we will be unprepared. You and I are going to talk about this, and form a game plan.”
Tamlin’s eye twitched, “Then can you wait until we get back to Rosehall?”
“We will walk back.” Lucien said as he let go of Tamlin and plucked a paper and pen from the space between realms. The red-head scribbled something down before sending it off. Tamlin knew it would be something to Alis to say they would be returning later than expected. 
Tamlin’s hands once again curled into fists. He took in a deep breath, “I have shapeshifted, a little magic will not hurt.”
Lucien’s chest rose and fell with a deep breath, “We don’t know that Tam.”
Tamlin laughed quietly, at what he didn’t know. The world was going so fast, at the same time it came to a complete halt.  
“What the fuck are we going to do?” Tamlin asked quietly. 
Tamlin stared at nothing, vision slowing like a haze was settling over his bones, a dark mist that made everything seem so far away. 
“Hey.” Lucien murmured, taking the High lord’s hands in his, “We’ll figure it out.”
They walked. Over the rocky cobblestone paths and through the blooming gardens abounding through Spring, the smell of pollen wafted through the air, mixing with the scents of sweetened coffee and baked goods. The sun was speckled over the ground by the constant clouds passing overhead. Gentle breezes caressed the delicate petals of roses, lilacs and lilies. 
Tamlin resolutely stared at the ground ahead, each footstep deliberate and careful. He could feel whenever Lucien’s watchful eyes flicked to him. The High lord wrapped his arms around himself, releasing Lucien's hand, and made sure to not so much as flick his gaze to his emissary. 
Eventually it felt like Lucien got the message and looked ahead as well, the clicking of his eye never directed in Tamlin’s direction. Finally Tamlin looked at him, to see Lucien with his head held high and facing straight ahead. His red hair a banner behind him in the breeze. His stride never faltering. 
Tamlin felt like a newborn foal next to him, not so graceful and elegant, more clumsy and foolish. 
Then a sound filled his ears, one that made him stop dead in his tracks. Tamlin quickly snapped his gaze to his left, looking across a nearby field, filled with a plush blanket of white, purples, pinks and reds, there he saw a gaggle of children. Some lesser Fae, others High Fae. All blowing on dandelion fluff and laughing until they fell to the ground. Two boys with purple skin and big black eyes, chased each other with worms on sticks. A girl with delicate fluttering wings carefully placed a flower crown on a girl with pointed ears, freckles and ginger hair. 
Another two girls threw mud onto each other, ruining the delicate lace of their baby blue dresses. And one boy, much smaller than the rest, with wispy brown hair laughed until he fell onto his back. 
“Tam?” Tamlin didn’t look at Lucien as his eyes were captivated by the children of his Court playing without a care in the world. 
One hand scrunched in the fabric of his trousers, strands of blond hair were picked up by the wind, fluttering over and around his face. 
Lucien walked back to stand beside Tamlin as he saw what had halted him. The Fox of Prythian reached his hand out and wrapped Tamlin’s in it. 
“It’ll be okay Tam.” He whispered. 
“Dahlias.” Tamlin rasped, voice breathy and shaking. 
Lucien hummed in confusion and Tamlin pointed to the field, “The field its… the flowers are all dahlias.”
A heartbeat of silence passed them by, floating along like a butterfly on the wind, Lucien squeezed his hand ever so slightly, “A field of dahlias.”
***
The rest of the walk home was less exciting. Mostly Tamlin stayed caught in silence whilst Lucien broached the harder topics that would later need more discussion. The complications of having an Heir of not just Spring, but of the Cursebreaker, so quickly after Amarantha’s reign had come to a completion. Even Feyre was not completely settled into her new body as a High Fae, and certainly not settled into her new role at Court.
Tamlin wouldn’t dream of putting a singular extra duty on her shoulders that she didn’t need to have to stress about so soon after all had been said and done. But he had to admit they needed more publicity, something for the rest of Prythian to see that Feyre Archeron was the Lady of Spring, the saviour of the Mountain, and the Warrior who sent Amarantha to her grave. 
He didn’t want her to be a show pony, only to be paraded to see her achievements. She had said it herself on a number of times that she wanted a quiet life. But if a baby was now on the way-
No, not thinking about that. 
He didn’t want to think about ‘it’ , he wanted to think about how to get Feyre properly settled. Then how to stabilise the Court, and regain what had been stolen and lost to Amarantha. He needed to focus on the Court right now. 
The sight of Rosehall came into view and Tamlin felt a heavy weight settle over his shoulders, he spoke to Lucien while his eyes examined every detail of his home. “Organise dinners, celebrations, prepare for the upcoming holidays. Pay special attention to the farmers, whatever they need, send it to them. The doors of Rosehall are completely open to the public and any that come in seeking refuge from other Courts. And Lucien.”
Tamlin stopped and Lucien halted as well, his brown eyes meeting green, “Make preparations for the tithe, we need to get it back up and running. We are barely holding on as it is, with everything Amarantha has done we cannot afford the losses that have hit us.”
Lucien nodded, Tamlin went on, “Most of the money and jewels from the treasury were stolen and until we send people back under the mountain to retrieve what they can we are on a tight budget. Every coin goes straight into the refugees, the farmers and the villages that have lost their homes.”
“Of course, but Tamlin-”
“The people are in low spirits and the magic will sense that. Spring thrives off of fertility and celebration from the Fae. I haven't even seen the wisps since before we went under the mountain. Until the native creatures of the land return we are in emergency mode. I want a list of everyone we lost to Amarantha, I need a spreadsheet of the damages and the costs necessary to return everything to its former glory, until we are back to normal we will not rest-”
“Tamlin Kali Fairburn!” Lucien eventually yelled.
Tamlin blinked, then he blinked again. Lucien gritted his teeth, the light hitting the emissary in just the right way that his skin seemed to glow with his frustration, “You are stressing yourself out for no reason.”
Tamlin gawked at that, “There is a reason, our Court is still half in ruins-”
The fire lord marched forward and put his hands on his shoulders, “And I will help you to restore it. But you cannot try and handle everything yourself.”
“I am not trying to do everything myself-”
“You are thinking of everything at once, when you need to calm down.” Lucien’s head fell, he took several deep breaths, “Listen, Tam. Like it or not we… you are now responsible for another life.”
Tamlin bristled at that, fangs starting to point through his teeth. Claws pressed against his skin, threatening to burst through. 
“Tamlin.” Lucien said slowly, “I know you don’t want to think about this, but that doesn’t change the fact that Spring is…” Lucien took another steadying breath, like he was falling apart at the news himself, “Spring is having an Heir.”
There were the words that crushed Tamlin even more. This… it wouldn’t be just another baby, but an Heir of Spring, a possible successor. A potential future ruler of the Spring Court. 
They had no choice but to think about this. 
“We will take this one step at a time.” Lucien moved his hands down to clasp his friends, thumbs rubbing the backs of his palms. 
Tamlin stared down at the dark fingers massaging gentle circles into his skin. He closed his eyes, the headache pounding harder. He was so fucking tired. 
“This is awful.” Tamlin whispered into the space between them. 
“I know Tam.” Lucien murmured, his voice near drowned out by the sounds of laughter in the distance. 
He felt like he might collapse. A headache pushed into his temple. He noticed a flicker of movement, and then saw that it was in fact a butterfly, small and blue and clueless. Making laps around their heads. 
“It’ll be okay.” Lucien reassured him. It was false, they had no idea if it would be okay. 
***
It was not okay. 
It was absolutely not okay. 
He had a headache all the time and sleep became a luxury he apparently could not afford. All of a sudden complaints pushed from all sides as bandits began to infiltrate the Southern and Western borders. Seeing quick money and easy blood to draw. 
Many of the servants and sentries had left the grounds for other Courts in order to visit family after the Curse’s conclusion. With quickly hired, inexperienced staff, the grounds began to descend into chaos. 
Not to mention how everyone was coping. That being barely. 
Nowadays even into the dark hours of the morning, every hall was lit and not a single room didn’t have some form of a faelight and an open window. No one wished to be forced back into darkness, and everyone needed the reassurance of open, blowing air. 
The second Tamlin had stepped foot back into his office he was thrown back into work. Now, days didn’t end until he was near passing out from exhaustion and they started the second the ray of first light hit his face. 
He wasn’t the only one. Lucien he barely saw anymore, as much as the Fox of Prythian attempted to check on him, they both lost all sense of time. Unable to keep up with their workloads and desperately attempting to pull the Court back into order. 
With everything going on, Tamlin had yet to tell anyone about… it. 
Alis had tried to push for answers, but even with all her stubbornness, the female knew when she had to back off. The quick snappish answers and flare in temper were enough to tell her, it wasn’t time for her to ask what happened that day with the healer. But Tamlin could tell she was worried. 
With everything happening. Tamlin had forgotten the last time he even so much as laid eyes on Feyre.
He was sure he saw her during the nights at some point, but as everything merged into a dazed blur of work, work, work, he couldn’t be sure. 
That wasn’t even including the constant strain from symptoms. 
Vomiting, and headaches were just the start of it. At times he could barely keep his eyes open even after hours of sleep. If he stood too quickly, all blood rushed from his head and black spots filled his vision. Random outbursts became more prevalent, everything setting him on edge. 
"Dear Gods," He cursed, rubbing his temples. Elbows planted on his desk. Tamlin screwed his eyes shut as yet another wave of throbbing crashed over him. 
There was a light rapping at his door. Tamlin didn't need to look up as the door opened to know who it was. The scent of cinnamon spice was enough telling. 
"Tam." Lucien said tenderly. 
Without opening his eyes, Tamlin said, "Lucien Vanserra, if the next words out of your mouth aren't, here is a giant cookie and hot chocolate, I will toss you over the border and back into Autumn."
There was a heartbeat of silence. 
Tamlin wouldn't throw Lucien back into Autumn, Tamlin quite liked Lucien. 
He would very possibly steal and hide all of his left shoes. Lucien was fully aware of that. 
Lucien left the office, and when he returned, he opened the door saying, "Here is a giant cookie and hot chocolate."
Indeed, he was carrying a tray with a giant chocolate chip cookie and two mugs of steaming hot chocolate that made Tamlin's mouth water when he saw them.
Lucien is a smart man. Everyone should be like Lucien, Tamlin thought. 
Setting the tray on the dark wood coffee table by the empty fireplace. Lucien sat down on the green velvet lounge. 
Tamlin left his desk and joined him. Settling into the soft fabric and hands immediately reaching for said cookie. Lucien smiled softly as he took up his mug. 
"Heilda said it would be more comfortable to shift to female form." Lucien said as he absentmindedly toyed with the handle. His voice was soft as he broached the subject, not wishing to provoke anger. 
Tamlin bit into the cookie and nearly moaned. 
To shift into a female form. To stay like that. It would raise eyebrows and suspicions. And good Gods, when he started to show-
No, not thinking about that. 
"So?" Tamlin asked. He knew he had to listen, he had to take into account the possibility of having an Heir for the Court. 
Gods, an Heir so soon. They just came out from Under the Mountain. It was all still fresh, too fresh. He could still see her eyes above him. Pushing him down into the sheets-
No. 
Not thinking about it. 
"So..." Lucien traced the rim of his cup with his finger, "Perhaps you should think about listening to her."
Tamlin's eyes snapped to Lucien's to find the fiery male staring right back. He lifted a perfectly groomed red eyebrow and waited for a response. One leg crossed over the other and head held high. 
Lucien didn't back down for anyone, not Beron, not Amarantha, and certainly not Tamlin. 
"Or perhaps I won't." I am a grown male, and I will make my own decisions, did not need to be said for Lucien to get the gist of it. 
"She is the professional, Tam." He hummed. 
"Don't call me that." Not now. Don't be gentle with me. 
Lucien put the mug down on the table, it banged as his hands didn't bother to control his strength. 
"Alright, this has gone on long enough." Lucien said, "We need to do something about all of this."
"What do you want to do exactly?" Tamlin snapped, temper flaring. 
"Gods above." Lucien rubbed his temples and Tamlin wanted to throw something. 
"Come up with a goddamn game plan, Tamlin. I want to know what the next moves should be. I mean, have you even told Feyre?" Lucien bounced his knee up and down. Tamlin thought that at any moment he might get up and start pacing. 
"Well I- there isn't anything that can be done Lucien!" Tamlin shouted, finally beginning to snap. He hated this. He wanted to be done with it. 
And he hadn't told Feyre. He didn't want to. He didn't want to talk about it. 
Like if he refused to so much as think about it, it wouldn't exist. 
Lucien opened his mouth, eyes blazing and preparing to yell. Then he cut himself short and snapped his mouth shut. Face falling back into carefully crafted blankness and eyes losing any emotions at all. 
Tamlin's claws nearly shot through his hands. Fire blazing through him, not just because of the subject at hand, but because of how easily Lucien put his mask on. Hiding his true thoughts so well. 
Tamlin wished for the courtier mask, but no matter how hard he tried there was nothing he could do to hide himself. 
Fuck this all. 
"You need to tell Feyre," Lucien said, crossing his arms. Relaxing back into the lounge, as nonchalant as ever. Tamlin hated it. 
"I don't need to do anything." Tamlin hissed. 
Lucien chuckled and claws finally pierced to the surface. He dug them into pillow beneath them, slowly counting back from ten. 
"What is so funny?"
Lucien picked up his mug again as he shook his head, "Sure you don't need to do anything Tam."
"Get out!" Tamlin shouted. 
Lucien rolled his eyes, he put his mug down and slid off the lounge gracefully. A swagger in his step as he left the room, as he passed through the threshold his hand caught the door. He tossed a seething smile over his shoulder and said, "Figure it out on your own then, but figure it out, Tam."
Lucien slammed the door shut before Tamlin could yell at him. 
***
Feyre wasn't happy. She didn't know when she started feeling this way, when the total weight of how she felt finally settled into her bones. Like mist in the morning, it descended slowly until she was consumed by it. 
She couldn't look the Fae around her in the eyes anymore. Not without seeing the Faeries she had stabbed. The boy's screams filled her eyes at every ring of a bell or snap of a tree branch. 
And dear God, the girl who had prayed before she had ended her life. The words seemed carved into her skin, she heard them in the laughter and song of the Priestesses that came in groups for lunch after long days working in the Temple. Every time those swishing robes passed her by, she remembered that prayer. 
One of the Priestesses had taken a special interest in her. One of the twelve High Priestesses. Feyre knew little of how religion worked in the Fae Lands. The idea of Gods and such had never interested her. She had worked for too long back in the cabin to spend her time thinking of them. 
And if they did exist certainly the Mother was laughing at her.
As of now, Feyre stared out at the gardens. She was sitting by a small table on the porch, watching dahlias sway in the wind. The grounds were covered in them, they had been a flower Elain had grown back at the cabin and then at the new manor they resided in now. One of the only plants Feyre could pin-point. 
"I thought I might find you here." A voice said, breaking the silence. Feyre looked back over her shoulder and despite herself a small smile graced her lips. 
"Good morning Ianthe, shouldn't you be at a ceremony or such?" Feyre asked.
Ianthe chuckled, her voice and sweet face reminded Feyre a little of Elain. But her overall demeanor and strange stoniness reminded her of Nesta.  
"No, the girls are handling everything this morning. I have a break." 
Ianthe strolled over to where Feyre was sitting. She pointed to the chair opposite of her and asked, "May I?"
"Please." Feyre said. 
Ianthe gracefully slid into the seat, crossing one leg over the other. She did not wear her robes this morning. Her body still completely covered. However, the layers of her dark blue dress were lighter to account for the warmer weather this morning. A pale blue silk scarf covered her head so only a few curling blonde hairs fell around her face. 
"Did it hurt? The tattoo I mean." Feyre eventually asked. The tattoo of the phases of the moon, they interested Feyre. Whilst she now had a swirling tattoo along her arm, that one had been stained magically. 
Violet cruel eyes. Taunting hands and a laughing voice. 
No. Not thinking about him. 
Ianthe watched the swaying gardens as she answered. Her face was not cold, but it wasn't warm either. Like a stoic mother, Feyre thought. 
"Yes, but it was worth it to be given this honour." Ianthe answered. 
Feyre hummed, "Did you always want to be a High Priestess?"
Ianthe chuckled, finger tracing her knee, "My, my, many questions this morning."
The Archeron sister stiffened for a moment, "You don't need to answer if it makes uncom-"
Ianthe lifted a slender hand, she turned her full eyes back to Feyre and smiled, "I am teasing Feyre."
"Oh."
"As for your question, I always knew I wanted to be part of the Court. I worked well with the others. And I knew I could help this Court, the way the former High lord ruled he..."
Ianthe cut herself off as a darkness filled her eyes. Her mouth twisted into a straight line. Feyre furrowed her brow, concern beginning to creep in, "He...?"
Ianthe quickly shook her head and straightened, pulling herself from her thoughts, "He just... He wasn't a good male and I knew I could do something to help. As for becoming a High Priestess specifically I-"
Now a soft smile adorned her face as she lifted her eyes to the white sun's rays. 
"I have always had an affinity for the Mother and her creation." 
Feyre turned her own eyes back to the dahlia flowers. Blooming prettily as if not just months before the Spring Court had been ravaged and left in ruins. 
"The world is going back to normal." Feyre noted. 
Ianthe laughed suddenly, and Feyre snapped her eyes back to her. 
The High Priestess shook her head and murmured, "Nothing will ever be normal again."
"You weren't even here for the fifty years," Feyre pointed out, recalling what Lucien had told her before. How Ianthe's father had sent her and her sisters to the continent right as the curse was hitting. 
At her words Ianthe balled her dress up into her fists, "You don't know my story."
"Then tell me." I will listen, Feyre wanted to say. 
Out of the corner of her eyes, Ianthe watched her. Blue eyes like sapphires in the light, "You won't understand."
"Try me."
A shake of her head and an amused smile, "Count the blessings you have flower, appreciate them. For at any moment, they can all be taken."
Feyre blinked. Then her face fell into deadpan. 
What was it with Fae and their riddles?
Ianthe threw her head back as she laughed at Feyre's confusion, "Flower just know not to take the word of Faeries at face value."
Ianthe leaned back into her chair and Feyre asked, "Can you guys just... tell me what you mean?"
A sly smile and glinted eyes, "Now where's the fun in that?"
***
She hated her reflection. She stood in front of the mirror as Ianthe carefully placed a crown of daisies and dahlias in her hair. 
"Why dahlias?" Feyre had asked.
Ianthe had shrugged, "You seemed to like them."
They had gone through enough dresses to last Feyre a lifetime. She had never liked dresses and today did not change that. She longed for something she could move in. Felt like restricted in. But she sucked it up. 
Ianthe had brought in a myriad of different dresses for her to try. To find one she liked best. 
"Do they all have to be so..." Feyre had gestured to large puffy sleeve and Ianthe had snickered. 
"For the record these were the former Lady of Spring's dresses."
Feyre had gone very, very still at that. Guilt shocking through her at how she hadn't liked the look of them. 
Ianthe had then rolled her eyes, "Do not fret, child, the Lady hadn't particularly adored them either. But it is tradition to wear the dresses of the former Lady. This were the Lady of Spring's before hers, and before hers. Now they will be yours."
Ianthe had then reassured Feyre, "Just for today at least, then they'll go back into a bag and into the closet to sit for the next several centuries."
Feyre had laughed suddenly at that, and the knot of anxiety welling in her stomach had begun to ease. 
Feyre had then rifled through the atrocious amount of fabrics. And eventually her hands landed on one particular dress. It was the biggest of them all, with an atrocious amount of tulle, lace and puffs. It was beautiful, Feyre could admit as much as that. But it was... so much. 
Feyre had bit down on her lip, trying not to laugh. Then she had looked at Ianthe whose eye was twitching as she pursed her lips, desperately keeping her own laughter down. 
They met each other's sights and were helpless but to fall into hysterics. 
The dress had been laid on the bed, but Feyre had decided on a far simpler one. Long, green silk simple sleeves, and a high neckline that opened just above her cleavage. The corseted part of the dress was embroidered with gold designs and tightly hugged her waist. Her far too small waist. As Ianthe had tied the back her eyes flicked up to Feyre in the mirror, hands still on the strings. 
Feyre had looked down, Ianthe continued and neither spoke of just how frail she had become. The High Priestess occasionally opened her mouth to say something, just to snap it closed. Ianthe didn't appear to know how to comfort, how to reassure. So, she didn't try. 
Now the look was complete. Feyre watched herself in the mirror. The long green skirts of her dress swirled as she moved. 
"There." Ianthe said. Feyre met her eyes in the mirror. 
"Are you ready?" She asked. 
Feyre didn't answer. She thought back on that day in the field when Tamlin had proposed to her, how happy she had been. How in so long the memories of Under the Mountain hadn't haunted her. 
Yet after all was said and done, it all came back. All had asked to show them the ring and expected her to gush about the future wedding and her engagement. Yet all enthusiasm had drained from her. Like the second Tamlin was not directly in front of her she no longer felt that passion any longer. 
It was just nerves. Nothing else. Once this day was said and done it would no longer bother her. 
"Yes."
Ianthe nodded, her eyes firm and set on Feyre through the mirror. A heartbeat passed and Feyre said, "We best be going then."
As she moved to leave. Ianthe put her hands on Feyre's shoulders, "One moment, my Lady."
The Cursebreaker furrowed her brow but remained still. Ianthe didn't break eye contact as she swiftly pulled a necklace out from underneath her robes. It swung from her neck, a beautiful green emerald that shone in the light. It was small and hung from a golden chain. 
Feyre blinked, opening her mouth to ask what was happening. But Ianthe answered her question, as she unclasped the necklace and swiftly placed it around Feyre's throat. 
"Ianthe-" Feyre started. 
"Take it, Cursebreaker." As she let it hang from Feyre's neck she murmured, "You may need it."
"Need it?" Feyre whispered. 
Ianthe just smiled, "Trust me."
"You said yourself not to take the words of Fae at face value." Feyre countered. 
"I did." She stated. 
Before Feyre could once again point out the blatant hypocrisy, Ianthe said, "Try to see past the person, Feyre. Try and see what may lay underneath."
***
He hated his reflection. Standing in front of the mirror whilst Alis fixed his hair and jacket burned a flaming rage deep in his core, but there was little he could do. Other than stand still and allow the Summer Faery to do her work. 
"You look very handsome." Alis smiled up at him as she stepped back, admiring her handiwork. 
Tamlin tried to give her a smile back, but he could only manage a weak nod as he stared at himself. 
Shell of a person. Eyes sunken from lack of sleep, skin unnervingly pale, gaunt, hollow. 
At least the suit was well made, tailored, green with whites and golds. Alis had braided flowers through his hair and dusted his face with just the slightest of makeup, she told him it was for the look to come together perfectly. But he knew it was to coverup the deadness in his face. 
The lesser faery opened and closed her mouth. Eyebrows furrowing. Tamlin nearly groaned. 
"What is it, Alis?" 
"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked, brushing away a speck of lint from his shoulder. Tamlin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. 
"I am sure." He said, finally turning away from that godforsaken mirror. He faced the door of his bedroom. Lucien stood there. Dressed to the nines in green. Far more understated than Tamlin but just as gorgeous. 
"Ready?" Lucien asked. 
Tamlin shifted under his piercing gaze. The Fox scrutinized every inch of him, he was on display, wholly and completely. 
"I'm fine." Tamlin settled to say. He wouldn't admit how he felt sick to his stomach and the fluttering of anxiety was threatening to send running to bathroom to throw up once again. 
He held strong. He wouldn't be made weak. No matter how weak he truly felt. 
Lucien didn't believe that for a second. But he said nothing as he moved from the doorway and said, "Well then, the wedding is on in less than five minutes."
Feyre hesitated from her place at the end of the aisle. 
Her eyes agitated, hands shaking. Tamlin held his breath. She looked beautiful, but Feyre was always beautiful. A ring of flowers adorned her head, her eyes held the wedding venue before her. 
Ianthe was the one she watched; Tamlin risked a glance at the Priestess who watched Feyre closely. Slowly she raised a hand, and with a soft voice beckoned, "Come, Lady of Spring."
Feyre loosened a breath, her chest rising and falling with measured, calculated breaths. She took a step forward and Tamlin's chest constricted. He sucked in a breath, and she took another step forward. The knot pulled tighter and tighter. 
He remembered when she had been dragged in by Attor. Tossed to Amarantha's feet. 
Panic had filled him. He had nearly fainted. Surely, she wasn't there, because he had sent her back. She was back in the human lands there was no possible way for her to have come Under the Mountain. 
Yet there she had been.
The image faded in and out. Shifting from Feyre's perfect, unmarked face to the bruised snarling face she had worn that day so many months ago. 
She took a step forward. 
He was going to throw up. 
Then she took a step back. 
For a second, for a fleeting moment, the knot in his chest loosened and he felt like he could breathe again. 
Then she took another step back. The knot tightened once more. 
Eyes widened, and whispers erupted in the crowd of Fae. 
Fuck. 
No. 
Like a rope pulled him forward, Tamlin took a step towards Feyre. The world slowed to one moment in time. She stumbled further back, shaking her head. And Tamlin stepped further into the aisle. 
Something snapped in her gaze. She turned on her heel and sprinted. 
There was a gasp, and hot white rage flew through the High lord. Filling his veins, breaking something that had been pulled taut for too long now. 
He nearly launched into a run after her. 
"Tamlin." Lucien hissed, as he lept forward and pulled Tamlin back. 
Tamlin turned around to snarl at him, but in a second they were gone. Winnowed. 
Tamlin shouted into the darkness that enveloped them. And by the time they landed he was screaming curses at the red head. Lucien didn't seem to care. 
They were in his study. The window were open and sunshine was pouring in. Yet the house was empty as the grounds descended into chaos as the groom and bride had each disappeared. 
"Why did you-" Tamlin shouted, but Lucien snapped. 
"She was running away, what were you going to do?! Grab her and force her to marry you!" Lucien shouted, whilst pointing a finger into Tamlin's chest. 
"You-"
"Don't start with me Tamlin! We will find her, but for now calm the fuck down!" 
Tamlin blinked, initial rage simmering into something else entirely. 
What just happened. 
In the span of a few seconds, he had gone from jittering at the altar, watching his bride, then watching her run from him as he attempted to go after her.
He must have looked as shocked as he felt, because Lucien put a hand on each of his shoulders and guided him to the lounge. 
"Sit." Lucien ordered, Tamlin obeyed. Staring into nothing, mind horribly blank. 
Eventually one smaller thought came to mind, "I thought I wasn't allowed to winnow."
"You can in short distances, I spoke to Heilda. But she recommended it be someone else doing to actually winnowing."
"Oh."
"Yeah." Lucien sat down on the arm of the lounge. 
"What do I do now?"
Lucien stared at him and for the first time said, "I have no idea."
***
"Feyre!" 
Feyre didn't respond to the call. She crossed her arms and pressed further back into the trunk of the tree she was sitting in. Her knees bent, keeping her curled into the branch and just out of sight. 
"Feyre oh sh- Mother lead me." Ianthe hissed as she caught herself from cursing, "Where is that girl?"
Feyre craned her neck to look down. She saw Ianthe holding up her pale blue robes in one hand and her shoes in the other as she trod through grass and mud. 
"Feyre! I know you're out here somewhere!" 
Somewhere indeed, currently right above her. 
Ianthe screwed eyes shut and sighed deeply, "Couldn't have run somewhere inside, no we had to go out into the forest."
Despite the guilt and shame, the anxiety and hurt knotting and writhing in her stomach, threatening to make her lose her breakfast. Feyre chuckled. 
Bad decision, as Ianthe straightened, her fae senses alerting her to the sound. 
Ianthe whirled her head back and forth, "Feyre?"
Feyre had the muffle her laughter with the palm of her hand. But it wasn't enough to escape the hearing of the High Priestess. 
Finally, Ianthe furrowed her brow and looked right up. Her confusion fell into deadpan as she saw the Cursebreaker nestled in a branch. 
Mouth pursing, Ianthe gripped her robes a little tighter then asked, "Flower why are you in a tree?"
It hit her again. 
As she had walked down the aisle. Seen the people, the faces staring and waiting. Seen Tamlin watching her. Then had seen Ianthe. 
Permanant. Permanently stuck here. Permanently with the memories. Seeing everyone watching, like they had watched Under the Mountain. 
That prayer had rushed through her head again. And she saw their faces when she stabbed them. 
"Feyre?" 
Feyre looked back down to Ianthe, but gritted her teeth and did not answer. 
"Feyre." Ianthe said, deadpan, "Do not make me climb a tree."
Still Feyre remained silent whilst she brooded on her branch. 
Ianthe's eye twitched. And finally she sighed heavily, mumbling something about the Mother punishing her. 
"Fine! Fine." She said, dropping her shoes and letting her robes down from her hand. 
Then Feyre watched as the pristine, tidy, and uptight High Priestess of Spring, grabbed onto a branch and planted her foot into the trunk. Climbing the tree. 
She nearly slipped and fell, a curse nearly falling from her lips before she caught herself. 
Her robes got caught on a sharp piece of bark and there was a ripping sound. Ianthe made a disgusted sound, before she climbed up higher and higher. 
Finally, after clumsily forcing her way onto a branch right beside Feyre, she sat down. Panting heavily. Then she checked the small hole made in the hem of her robes. 
She gritted her teeth but ultimately let it fall away as she faced why she came out here. 
"Feyre, lovely spot you have here." Ianthe said, sarcasm lacing her voice. 
"Thanks, picked it out myself." Feyre snapped. 
The High Priestess sighed, "Feyre, you have to come down."
"Yes, I have to go down. And I have to go back to the wedding, don't I?" She snapped. 
Ianthe observed her for a moment, before shifting uncomfortably. Stoic face seemingly trying to figure out what the best course of action was. Thinking logically, no doubt just wondering what the quickest way to get Feyre back to the wedding was. 
It struck her that Ianthe didn't actually care what Feyre was feeling. She was doing as she was told, no other reason. It made Feyre feel all the more alone. 
Back in that dungeon, with nothing to keep her company but her will and a bargain. 
"Do you... Do you not wish to marry him?" She asked. 
Feyre gritted her teeth, she screwed her eyes shut. Darkness pressed in and she remembered the Attor dragging her into the throne room. 
She wanted to scream. She wanted to forget anything that ever happened. She wanted to go somewhere none of it ever touched her again. 
"Feyre-"
"Just go away Ianthe I don't want to speak to you!" She shouted. 
Ianthe bristled, "I am just trying to help-"
"Well you aren't!" 
Now, her face iced over. Stone cold and fed up, "We have to go back, now either we can go willingly together, or I will get the sentries and they will drag you back."
A tremor ran up her spine at the threat, "I don't want to go back, Ianthe."
Ianthe loosened a tight breath, "Feyre, let's go home now."
"No."
"Archeron-" Her tone was warning. 
"I don't- I don't want to go back." Feyre insisted. 
Ianthe scrunched her nose slightly, eyebrows furrowing. Then her face evened out and her voice sweetened, "Feyre, we must go back."
The sudden change in tone, in face, a lure. An attempt at false comfort. The Priestess held out her hand. 
Feyre looked at the pale hand before her. 
Then at the ground. 
Back to the pale hand. 
Feyre reached out and Ianthe smiled. 
The Cursebreaker batted her hand away with enough force that Ianthe shouted but nearly fell off balance. Giving Feyre enough to time to jump to the forest floor and bolt. 
"Feyre Archeron!" Ianthe clung to the branch as she watched Feyre's form disappear further into the dark forest. 
Slowly she took inhaled, before releasing her breath. She closed her eyes and asked the sky, "Why, why, why, why, why?"
Feyre ran and ran and ran. She lost a shoe but she didn't care. The feeling of dirt underfoot somehow comforting. Reminding her she was still there and breathing. In the wind, in the open space. Not in that cave, not Under the Mountain. 
Yet still there. Always there like it followed her. A ghost of those months looming over her head. 
She reached a clearing of grass and wildflowers. She fell to her knees. Legs unable to hold her any longer. 
She shook, trembling hands and arms. She should've been able to run faster and far further than that. 
But looking at her arms, they were spindly. Her legs which were sticks compared to what they had once been. She felt her cheeks, her face which was hollowed out. 
Her fingers to skinny, her organs pressed against the skin of her torso. 
When was the last time she had eaten? Had felt the urge to eat anything?
She licked her lips, her throat dry. The air was suffocating. Pollen that was sickeningly sweet. Air open, without any end. 
A part of her wondered whether she had ever come out from Under the Mountain, feared, dreaded that at any moment she would awaken. 
She heaved a sob, cries racking through her too fragile bones. Like she was made of glass she trembled. 
Feyre felt like she was made of glass. Like at a single touch she might crack and fall into a thousand pieces and never be able to be put back together again. 
'Make it stop.' She cried in her mind, sniffling, 'Someone make it all stop.'
'Take me away.' She pleaded with nothing. 
There was the sound of stick cracking underfoot and Feyre's head snapped up. 
But instead of Ianthe or sentries, violet eyes shone down upon her. 
"Hello Feyre Darling."
"You!" Someone shouted, Rhysand and Feyre looked up to see Ianthe panting as she pointed to Rhysand. 
Feyre had never seen her quite so dishevelled. But rage lined her features. 
Rhysand however, simply smirked, before grabbing Feyre's arm as she screamed. The Night Lord lifted her tattooed hand and pointed to it. 
"Don't mind me, pretty Priestess, I am simply collecting."
And just like that. 
Rhysand winnowed them away. 
***
"What do you mean she's gone?" Tamlin asked, voice near breathless. 
Ianthe's eye was twitching relentlessly. She looked as though she had been dragged through a thorn bush. Then again if she had run after Feyre she may have been. Stick and leaves were stuck in her hair, some parts of her robes were torn. And dirt smudged her cheek. 
"I mean she was whisked away by the Night Court." Ianthe said, "Our worst fears came true, and Rhysand made good on his word."
"Bastard son of a bitch." Lucien cursed from behind Tamlin. 
Tamlin said nothing, unable to move. His eyes turned to Alis by the door who looked between the Priestess and the High lord with sympathetic eyes.
Slowly it lapped at his core. Rage that made his eyes start to black out. His hands trembling by his sides. 
Chest rising and falling quicker. 
Ianthe looked him up and down, then said to Lucien, "I'll leave you two to deal with this. I am going to have a six-hour long bath."
In a second the Priestess was gone. Alis following after her.
"Lucien, get out." Was the only warning Tamlin gave him. 
Lucien's eyes went wide, and he sprinted out the door, slamming it closed. 
And Tamlin's magic exploded in a second. 
The High lord screamed as his magic ripped through him. flooding his veins with uncontrollable, overwhelming power. He screamed and fell to his knees. A ringing filled his ears, his vision went white. 
When it resided, a sob wracked his body as shaking overtook him. His skin heated, getting hotter and hotter until his clothes were soaked with sweat. Trembling, Tamlin tried to pull himself to stand, but he suddenly doubled over and threw up. 
The door flung open and Lucien shouted something he couldn't hear. The world was a swirling, dizzy haze of nothing. 
Someone gasped and Tamlin looked up to see Alis sprinting for him. The female cupped his face, and Tamlin blacked out.
Link to chapter 2 is here! Link to chapter 3 is here!
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fkitwebhaal · 1 month
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Dark Urge Fic Recs Part 1
Hello! Do you find the Dark Urge to be super interesting? Would you like to read some fic about said funky little Bhaalist? Maybe even leave a comment or two? Well you can, given the power of my Dark Urge fic rec list!
My criteria for this list is as follows:
explored a part of the Dark Urge narrative in interesting and fun ways
uses said Dark Urge narrative to flesh out other characters and their responses to it
Thse fics are plot based. There can be sex scenes, but the focus is the plot.
There will be a part two to this list (I want to rec stuff for every combo of Durge/Origin, as well as dig up some Gen) but for now, here is what I got. I also write my own Durge stuff, but this isn't about me, so BEHOLD RECS.
Being the Urge is a fucking nightmare: Focus is on the struggle of being a dark urge character in the first place, any romance is really in the background
Anastasis: by Low_ Spaces
Rating: T
Ship: Gale/Durge
Summary:
They had been warned. Orin kidnaps the Dark Urge.
Rec: I love this AU. It has a fantastic depiction of the relationship between Durge and Orin and I highly recommend it. It's also does great work hinting at what is going on outside of our protagonist's POV.
Strong Ensemble: these fics vary in romantic relationships but they all contain a strong focus on the entire party as a unit. If you’re not sold on the main pairing, I still suggest checking them out for the dynamic relationships between the entire cast and a strong understanding of the importance of platonic friendships.
Cardinal. Sunrise, Morning Star: by @edelgarfield
Rating: M
Ship: Durge/Astarion with background ships
Summary:
It's a whole series and you should read it.
Rec: Absolutely fantastic series that shows how much the cast plays off one another. Each character gets a moment to play off Durge and those moments are beautifully written. While it's second person, this fic doesn't have a blank slate for Durge, instead the second person serving as more of a depiction of the Durge's mental state than anything else. I cannot recommend it enough.
Blood and Music Series by agrazza
Rating: T-M depending on installment
Ship: Astarion/Durge
Summary:
Tavran Gregory the half-elf woke up on the nautiloid with an urge to kill boiling in his veins and his fingers twitching to destroy. He drowns out both with his magic and music, but things aren't always that easy.
Rec: This is a wonderful series with a great look at the ramifications of Durge's entire situation and how that might play out. Durge's resurrection after the Bhaal fight isn't a quick fix here and Agrazza plays out the implications of getting stabbed in the head with thoughtful writing. The entire cast plays off Tavran in delightful ways. Where Agrazza shines in particular are their NPCs who show up in their post game long fic "On Darkness." A great read for those who want scenes that slice nicely into canon.
More relationship focused: these fics tend to look more at a relationship as their focus and how it works. Romance ahoy!
From the Jaws of Death: by Verelia
Rating: M
Ship: Astarion/Durge
Summary:
For all the ways he'd seen her carve bloody paths through their enemies, for all the times he'd watched her stand defiant against creatures that would bring most men to their knees - it most disturbed him to see her now, like this, twisted by guilt and self-loathing. It was the closest Astarion had come to looking in a mirror in two centuries.
Rec: As a general rule, I'm not a huge fan of fics that take Astarion's Cazador fight and add his LI as a target for Cazador. It just rubs me the wrong way. This fic is the exception because it understands this is Astarion's fight and doesn't try to redirect his trauma onto his LI: instead the Durge trauma here comes entirely from the Durge and man is it good. 10/10.
In Rapture, Ruin: by RM777
Rating: M
Ship: Shadowheart/Durge
Summary:
Bhaal’s voice rings throughout the temple, the vile and contemptuous thing. He speaks through that awful servant, and demands Vaszyne's loyalty. Shadowheart isn't worried, (and it feels good, for once, to trust someone enough to not be ready for constant betrayal) she knows the lengths her lover has gone to resist the temptations of her father. She will not give in, no matter what—this, Shadowheart knows for certain. Vaszyne challenges him, denies him the satisfaction of creating another monster to run amok Faerûn, another victim to a god’s ascension. "I would rather die." And so she does. or: Vaszyne seems remarkably calm for having died less than a day ago. Shadowheart is decidedly not.
Rec: You love to see a fic that understands the RAMIFICATIONS. This fic digs so well into the fallout from the Bhaal fight, how it would impact not only their LI who had to watch the whole thing happen, but Durge who just got super disinherited in the bloodiest way. I love the dynamic here between Shadowheart and Durge and it's that good mix of angst and hurt/comfort that feels like an excellent missing scene.
Recovery Series by @anxious-scrambles
Rating: M
Ship: Gale/Durge
Summary:
A fic digging into the aftermath of being Durge.
Rec: Have you ever looked at Gale and said "hm, this man needs a middle aged partner, not a 20 something (though the 20 something is fine too)." Anxious-Scrambles understands that assignment and has pulled it off remarkably well with Dreuer, and delves into not only the aftermath of adjusting from being a violent killer to a domestic lifestyle, but also adds the element of lost Bhaal warlock powers. Dreuer and Gale's relationship plays well to help explore parts of their character and this series really understands that "happily ever after" is work, not the ending.
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curiousthyme · 6 months
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currently writing something but im noticing im getting stuck when trying to write a scene with two characters kissing/making out? do you have any advice on that?
hi anon!! Love that you’re writing 💛 make out scenes are some of my favourite to write. Def no expert, but here’s some thoughts I had about them!
-> build up (pre-kiss)
I love a good tension/anticipation before the kiss happens. Maybe it’s forbidden, or they’re pining but don’t wanna admit their feelings, or they’ve just returned from being separated for so long they’re dying to reconnect. Work out the dynamics of your couple, and the context of the kiss - it’ll set the pace and tone for the kiss itself, and words that you’d use to describe it.
-> actual kiss
kisses comprise of so many things - lips, mouths, tongue, (sometimes awkwardly teeth), but there’s also understated things which I think are worth exploring, for example:
breathing and sounds (do they pull away panting? Do they steal each other’s breaths? Do their gasps sync up?). I also think the inner thoughts of a character during a kiss - expressing doubts or even a confirmation of how much they want the other person - can make a kiss scene so much richer!
I love describing hands moving while the kiss is happening - from desperate groping or tender face cradling, all this can add emotional intimacy to a kiss.
Eye contact also makes kissing intimate - maybe there’s a teary, glassy quality in one of their gazes, because they’re being offered comfort in the kiss? maybe it’s fury and hatred mingled with desire because it’s a hate fuck, and they’re kissing the other to prove they don’t have feelings… when they clearly do.
Environment / setting can also elevate a kiss’ description. Maybe it’s a snowy day and she’s frozen to death, and he kisses her nose while pulling his jacket over her and doing up all the ties to keep her warm. Or maybe he shows up on her doorstep, rain-soaked and lonely and missing her and she immediately steps into his arms and gets all drenched too.
-> post-kiss (what now?)
Does the kiss lead anywhere? I don’t just mean sex, but it could be identifying what the kiss does to change your characters’ relationship or feelings with each other. Does it complicate the situation or does it put to rest some of the tensions that exist in the scenario itself?
I really find what helps is to also read more widely to explore what kind of scenes you personally enjoy (that’ll help inform your writing too!).
sometimes I watch kissing scenes when I’m stuck - that helps me write too! the nick/jess kiss from new girl is a personal favourite.
sometimes I trawl through Reddit’s romancebooks subreddit to look at their thirsty thursday recs- sometimes that helps with inspo too!
sending you lots of writerly inspo and luck! ✨💛
here’s another thing I did if you wanted to explore writing threesomes!
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vacantgodling · 11 days
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📌 How deeply do you develop your characters’ sexual preferences and history? Is it all planned out, or are you throwing darts?
🙌 What is, in your opinion, the best sex scene you’ve ever written? Best is subjective here—sexiest, most emotional, well-written, etc. It means anything you want it to mean!
🤝 Have you written any non-sexual or platonic kink scenes before?
~ @void-botanist
thank you for asking!! <3
📌 How deeply do you develop your characters’ sexual preferences and history? Is it all planned out, or are you throwing darts?
honestly it depends on the story and the character. for most characters, i actually do a lot of it on the fly/throwing darts because (as much as i love sex) a lot of my wips don't have sex as a MAJOR plot point that i need to plan out, so i only think about it when i feel like it or i wanna do something sexy.
paramour and the fall of galere universe in general is different because esp in book 1 with hya & amon sex IS a major plot point. so i did a LOT more work than i've ever done kind of developing out sexual preferences and histories esp for hya and amon :)
🤝 Have you written any non-sexual or platonic kink scenes before?
nah never done it. its just not really my thing personally, but i think it's cool when other people do it! (like @henrike-does-writing-sometimes when they've written anruh and ruben in that predator/prey scene that was so GOOD. obsessed with it tbh).
🙌 What is, in your opinion, the best sex scene you’ve ever written? Best is subjective here—sexiest, most emotional, well-written, etc. It means anything you want it to mean!
another scene that i really really like is actually a curveball one that i haven't ever talked about but me and my partner yves have a Lot of OCs and two of our characters, kameko and densetsu, eventually end up in a literal like 7-8 person polycule with the empress (mei) and others. however, they were each other's first times when they were like 18-20-ish when everyone was in the "feelings are a complicated mess" stage, before they actually all figured everything out and got together with their respective 'main partners' plus everyone else. it's actually kind of long and i wanna edit it a bit before i post it, but i don't mind sharing that little scene in the next like. hour or so LMAO. but i come back to it a lot because i love the banter kame and deni have, and i feel like i really portrayed how tumultuous kameko's mind was at the time (because very long story short, she has very low self esteem at this point in her life, in part because she doesn't know she's bigender, in part because of her tragic backstory tm among other things and this is also before yves and i added more info to the backstories, such as kameko and her brother/cousin being dragons etc etc) but yeah. they're funny and i love their dynamic so i find myself rereading that scene often.
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hermywolf · 2 years
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Bestie I absolutely LOVE your The Boys fic recs, could we get some more? I love the longer fics, preferably butcher/hughie but anything esp polyam is great too. I'd owe you my life if you gave me these, thanks!!!
okay so i tried my best!! but there’s unfortunately not that many fics and most of them are really short, i’d love to rec longer ones but there’s not that many. this ended up being mostly smut too bc a good 70% of the ao3 butchie tag is smut, but please if anyone has other recs (even better if they’re long fics!!) let me know & i’ll add them!
here’s part one of my the boys fic recs if anyone needs it
ask a question, get an answer, 2k
smut. basically the bathroom scene in 3x08, but instead of butcher knocking hughie out they end up having sex. i love this one so much. @jaskierx​ strikes again with the characterization, their banter in this fic is>>
canary, 1k
butcher’s internal monologue during 2x03: basically him thinking about hughie’s reaction to him being back
humanity series, 49k
series of smutty fics through s1 and s2 by aishahiwatari, whom we owe like a good half of the butchie content on ao3
i don’t forgive you, but please don’t hold me to it, 1k
smut. s2, when hughie was still mad at butcher. butcher and hughie beat the shit out of each other and then have hate sex. thats it thats the fic. by god these two are so toxic and dysfunctional sometimes its insane
take your time (i won’t be far behind) 2k
i feel like every fandom needs to have at least one soulmate au, and this is it. people get soulmarks when they meet their soulmates, whether they be platonic or romantic. this fic follows each of the boys as they get their own soulmarks
but it may just be a lunatic you’re looking for, 2k
smut. 1x03. hughie is amped up after having just murdered transluscent, butcher lends a helping hand. frenchie is also there but doesn’t participate
present, 7k
awkward getting together in a non-supe au, annie and hughie are besties, annie and butcher hate each other. cute and fun
patch up, 6k
hughie gets hurt during a job. hurt/comfort. im an absolute slut for hurt/comfort my god i love angst. no mcd
ever-needy, 4k
smut. hughie borrows one of butcher’s shirts. butcher’s possessive, hughie’s into it. ik this is supposed to be smut but it still makes my brain leak out of my ears. this author’s note at the end of the fic encapsulates the dynamic perfectly:
“me, on a normal day: butcher would fuck the absolute soul out of hughie until he's bleeding and crying
me, writing this specific piece: Wait But Hughie Is His Prized Porcelain Doll”
a candle in the window on a cold dark winter’s night, 9k
post s3, hughie and butcher’s relationship changed over the past weeks they’ve spent alone, and they’re closer than ever. the boys’ outsider pov on their relationship in chapter 1, hughie pov in chapter 2 and butcher pov in ch3
black coffee, 9k
coffee shop au. i absolutely love how the author translated the boys’ world and conflicts into a coffee shop au. like the rivalry between the boys and vought is just their coffeeshop competing with starbucks and butcher is just as intense about his hatred for starbucks as he is with the supes it’s amazing
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plethomacademia · 3 months
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5,6,7 for the writing asks? :)
5. Which fic was your personal favourite?
I love the long fic, You have always needed abundant assistance for all the weird places it lets me go and for getting me back into writing in the first place! (It is not abandoned, I am fighting my seasonal depression, I have a draft of the next chapter, I promise to return, it's going to get weirder.) I want to say that out loud before saying my favorite is actually Duet. Duet exists for me and my bullshit need to Darcyfy Enver Gortash and if no one reads it I will be ok. I can reread that modiste scene and kick my lil feets.
6. Was there anything you wrote that was a surprise to you? Why?
Two of these. I did not expect to write anything from Orin's perspective. Then I saw a post about Orin/Dark Urge dynamics on this website and ended up crying in a Starbucks parking lot while thinking about Maeve and Orin being pitted against each other by their shared parent. Then I wrote Orin's Sister in a blur. I do not care if anyone reads it, that one was for me. I have a history of emotionally abusive parents and picking at this has been very healing for me. The second was Intimate Connection! I was never sure if I wanted to include Halsin in with my toxic elf duo. I wasn't sire how he could fit in between their co-dependent wounded nonsense or even why he would want to. Then one day I woke up and posted that I wish someone would write Astarion using the tadpole to feel their partner having sex with Halsin as a way to acclimate to the idea of a threesome.
7. What is your favourite piece of description you wrote? Why do you like it?
Oh no you asked the one I hoped no one would ask because I don't know how to write descriptions. I am a dialogue person first and foremost. If I have to look, I think my favorite is the first time Astarion connects to Maeve with the tadpole while she's getting fucked from behind by Halsin. I of course like that it is very very hot. But I think it also does what I wanted it to do, which was show how enthusiastic Astarion is but also HOW MUCH is going on. He has to take a break after this moment and I wanted it to just be full and overwhelming.
I refuse to uwu this man. At the time period in which I am writing, he has voiced clear desire and consent to reconnect to his sexuality. But I think that's a longer process than they have while they are hurtling towards the end of the game and I want that sense of overwhelm to show every time I write him in his series. But he is going to work on it because he wants to and sadly his emotional support is Maeve. Below the cut for this because it is pornography.
Astarion is not sure who reaches out with their tadpole first this time, him or Maeve, but either way they latch onto each other and then Astarion is in Maeve’s mind, seeing himself from her eyes, seeing how absolutely undone he looks and how obvious his erection is, an obscene jutting in his trousers visible even from a distance. 
Maeve filters nothing, giving Astarion full access to everything she is feeling. He had seen how large Halsin was earlier when he had presto-ed his clothes off, but it is another thing to feel the girth of it inside her, stretching and filling her much smaller body. He can feel the tightness of Halsin’s hands on Maeve’s hips and she brings forth a memory to share with him of the time that the druid’s grip on her hips had turned into the claws of a bear. 
Astarion feels as Halsin takes Maeve’s hair into one of his hands. He knows from experience that Maeve loves to be taken roughly and, above everything else, she loves to have her hair pulled while being fucked. It helps her work out stress, it helps her remember that her body belongs to her and no one else. When Halsin pulls her hair, Astarion can tell it’s not enough and he finds himself saying “Harder” at the same time that Maeve does. Halsin obliges them both, pulling her hair enough that her head is tugged back at an angle and Astarion feels the pleasure of it, the tingling pain from her scalp running down her spine straight to her cunt. 
He sees himself in Maeve’s eyes at the same time that he sees Maeve through his own, feels Halsin’s cock inside her at the same time that he feels his own cock straining against his pants placket. He hears Maeve’s loud cry from both her and his ears and can feel how close she is to coming. Then Maeve begins to imagine things, brings forth fantasies that she wants to share with him. 
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rot-without-brains · 9 months
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Dabi x Trans Masc Reader
not giving this shit a title cus it's not that deep, i just saw some x reader fic where reader is trans masc and it was very clearly not written by a trans masc person and just felt... weird? like very "i kiss the scars on [HIS] skiiiin, i still think you're beautiful–" idk it just felt like the author still saw the character as female but just switched the pronouns in post- BUT that doesn't matter cus im making my own version >:3
themes: pre-established relationship, smut speedrun/sex scene speedrun, aftercare/postcoital fluff, dabi being soft, slightly canondivergent (can't be assed to be thorough in the leagues dynamics/villainy + kind of ooc dabi??), reader is trans masc (no chest description), also; pretty shit writing ngl but it's literally 3am.as I'm drafting this so stfu-
DNI: Minors, TERF's/radfems, anybody who doesn't want transgender wholesomeness on their dash rn
warm stillness thickly envelopes the calm night air, a blanket of ecstasy draping itself over you, as you're speckled in sweat and flushed from orgasmic relief. you lay as still as the night, sprawled out beneath the messy black bedding of your partner's bed, the fleece of his blanket keeping your torso warm whilst your limbs hang loosely around your head and the foot of the bed. although quite exposed in this position, you hardly care about the "what if's," right now, favouring the cold chill against the lovebites trailing along your neck, shoulders and chest to the idea of moving at all for self-preservation's sake.
You breathe in, savouring the almost icy tingle the air leaves behind in your nostrils, the not-strong odor of sex adding an oddly comforting after scent. A dazed smile crawls onto your lips, reminiscing the searing moments of pure bliss you'd just experienced, an almost animalistic sequence of rhythmic haste as the two of you desperately began pulling at each other's clothes, caressing the naked skin beneath. Fingers tracing, nails scratching, teeth nipping and biting, hips bucking and rutting into each other, only stopping to elicit a whine from your tired mouth.
Wet slapping sounds bouncing around the walls of your shared bedroom, muffled moans escaping your mouth, dampened slightly by the pillow he had pressed the side of your face into, —he may have wanted you to be quiet, but fuck if he wasn't gonna see your pretty face all messed up from how rough he's being with you,— low grunts and groans from him, whispering of how you're being such a good boy and how you're so sexy in this position he's put you in. Sporadic thrusts carving their way through every fiber of your body before he pulls away, spinning you onto your back as his charred lips crash onto yours, teeth clashing together, as he pushes himself over the edge, ropes of desire laying themselves over your stomach as you fall back into your sprawled out position on this bed.
Calm, still, peaceful and at rest, having never felt so dead yet alive simultaneously and hoping this feeling continues to drag your soul throughout these midnight hours.
A tall figure blocks the dim hallway light. one arm leans against the head of the doorframe, the light barely detailing your partner's singed flesh, the other holds a fresh towel, baby wipes and a small glass of water.
"that for me, pretty boy?" you tease, propping yourself upright onto your pillows, a giddy smile plastered on your face.
Dabi scoffs, burying his face into his elbow before looking back at you.
"nope, think I got the wrong room," he snarks, jokingly beginning to tiptoe his way to another room that way or may not be there at all.
you snort at his stupid joke, but as dumb as it is you can't be mad at him too long. your arm extends to greet him inside as he trudges through the room, shutting the door with his heel before continuing. a rough hand places itself against your cheek, cupping your face and tilting you upwards into a gentle kiss, your hand finding it's way to his.
Dabi pulls away from the kiss, smacking his hand on the side of his thigh before exhaling and looking up as though trying to remember something. he whips around placing your glass of water on the bedside table next to you. he opens the seal of the baby wipes before pulling a couple out and running them along the trail he'd left behind on your stomach, disposing it by attempting to dunk it in the trash bin opposite your bed... missing entirely and sighing in defeat, miming various profanities at it to which you join in, because fuck that bin.
as you gulp down your glass of water, dabi makes his way back to his side of the bed, plopping next to you, his arm draping around your arm pulling himself closer to you. he places multiple kisses to the side of your head, wrapping you into a tight hug. the two of you snuggle back down into the blankets, seeking refuge from the growing cold of the night, gaining warmth fairly quickly from your mutual body heat, you feeling comfortable enough to lean your body against him, hand on his chest and head leaning against his, cushioned by his tufts of damaged spikes. feeling the dull weight of drowsiness hanging low on your eyelids, you decide nows as a good a time as any to truly communicate openly with your partner while you can.
"baby?"
"mm?" dabi croaks, he too is beginning to feel sleepy.
"you did really well tonight... thank you,"
"why're you thanking me, dude?" he laughed breathlessly into your hair.
"I dunno, I just felt like you deserve it," you stare up into his face, wistful expression overtaking your features. he stares back at you, before nervously double-taking.
he's just so cute like this.
"god you're cute..." he whispers to you, almost indirectly, like he can't handle the confrontation that comes with admitting that feeling directly to you.
"hey," you lean over his face, "that's my line."
planting another kiss onto his lips, you slip back to your position beneath the covers, hand on his chest, head against his hair, slowly drifting into slumber together, groggy, late night conversations starting along the way with no intention to finish them. though neither of you say the three magic words, you don't need to hear them to know that they exist with the both of you in this moment.
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cozycryptidcorner · 11 months
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Classic movies I have watched thus far and are ranked according to:
Monster/alien/robot and human action
If the genders were flipped, would it appeal to me more
Is it so bad it's good or so bad it's bad?
Movies Reviewed in the post:
Barbarella
Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women
The Forbidden Planet
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Life Force
I Married a Monster From Outer Space
Everything (INCLUDING SPOILERS) so far under the cut:
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Barbarella: OK. this one is actually pretty silly. Definitely has aspects that would not be considered "progressive" today that were probably revolutionary at the time. Like I'm sure a woman who had sex with men and enjoyed it would not be labeled as "innocent" the way Barbarella is played to be, but like in the context of the sixties... idk probably was a profoundly intriguing concept. Loved the set and costume designs!!!!!!!!
Rating: 6/10, lots of human/nonhuman action.
Would I enjoy it more if the genders were flipped: Yes, as long as the costumes stayed the same. <3
Not bad. The parts that were dated could even be fun.
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Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women: THIS WAS SO BORINGGGGG!!!!!!!! yup there were definitely come prehistoric (????) women there and they were all blond. I was definitely expecting this to be a low key fetish film about the really bad "noble savage" trope but the team from earth doesn't even see the titular prehistoric women. It's just the team from earth dicking around trying to collect samples while the prehistoric women try to secretly run them off by getting their gods to cause harm. Costume designs looked like cheap party city props.
Rating: 1/10, no action at all.
Would I enjoy it more if the genders were flipped: No.
So bad it's bad, full stop.
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Forbidden Planet: Actually not too bad. Just disappointed that the aliens had been long dead by the time the humans get there. No alien/human or even robot/human action. GREAT set design (I like the look of old scifi set designs even if they don't look "real" i will always believe in set design superiority over CGI), pretty nice costumes. Very predatory romance between all the men of a military crew and the one human girl and some references how "immodestly" she dresses around them (I am rolling my eyes all the way back to my brain)
Rating: 5/10, interesting concept but no human/nonhuman action
Would I enjoy it more if the genders were flipped: that would be an interesting dynamic
I wouldn't call it "bad," just that I'm definitely not the target demographic.
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Invasion of the Body Snatchers: oh i feel the strength of the red scare in this chili's tonight. Very much a "what if the russians invaded our town slowly" deal. No alien fuckery, in fact I'm still VERY confused as to how the switch happens. Because in this film, a pod will grow another human and then take someone's place while they are asleep. BUT in the scene where the main two are running away, when the woman is so tired she falls asleep... she's replaced? okay why grow a pod then. she was fine and then falls asleep accidentally for a few seconds and her humanity is gone but she wasn't replaced.... maybe it made sense in the sixties :/
Rating: 5/10, again. interesting, but no action
Gender flips? No, nothing would change
It's not bad, it's a classic movie for a reason. Pretty solid story line.
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Life Force: NOW THIS IS WHAT I'M FUCKING TALKING ABOUT BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SPACE VAMPIRES? VAMPIRES FROM SPACE? But also on the flip side, have you seen that post where it's like "men who write scifi are like here's a cool world building idea and also how much i fucking hate women." That's this. Decent effects, cool idea, but the main character is just... wild. There's a scene where he's sure a space vampire has taken over a random woman and just beats the ever loving christ out of her, unprovoked. Super uncomfortable to watch. You can tell that this is like an example of how some men view attractive women as sirens that "lure" innocent men with their "wicked beauty" and manipulate them. Not a good look! The set designs are cool tho
Rating: 5/10, would have been higher if not for the violence against women :/ there is human/nonhuman action.
Would I like it if the genders were flipped: yeah probably, as long as the domestic abuse undertones were also removed.
So bad? Oh girl they play it 100% straight. This is a movie about vampires that come from space and everyone is giving it one thousand percent effort in their acting. It's not velocirpastor levels of great, but it's a good movie to watch while high with your friends on a friday night.
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I Married a Monster from Outer Space: oh girl that cold war red scare strikes again. This is definitely playing on the fears that you might just wake up one day and find out your spouse was a spy for the soviet union.
There is a dog, and the dog does die :(
Rating: 6/10, decent movie with drama and they explicitly sleep together in a very hayes code way
Would I like it if the genders were flipped: No, but the gender rolls should be. I played this up in the 'classics reimagined bisexually' but the guy does not actually malewife very hard
It's not bad. It's also not good.
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sparklyslug · 4 months
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
Tagged by @aidaronan and @softbrah thank yewwwwwww!
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
50!!
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
405,752
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Right now it's all Stranger Things, all the time baby. But you never know when the madness might strike for something new. Or re-strike for something I thought I was done with haha.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
In Focus (Check Please) Up the Punks (Stranger Things) we're gonna fight til we do it right (Check Please) If you want him, come and claim him (Stranger Things) t'hy'la (Stranger Things)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I'm usually really good about it for the first day or so after a fic has posted, and then I kind of.... fall off with it usually. I read all comments! I appreciate all comments! Usually what happens is I see the email notif on my phone, mentally go "ah I will craft a perfectly thoughtful and appreciative and stirring response to this later when I have time to do it justice!" and then I do not do that.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
The one that comes to mind is a fic I wrote for the Hobbit, hands too small to hold it, which is an AU where everyone lives but Bilbo still has the ring and the events of LOTR are still barreling towards them.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Let Us Dwell in Fair Ithilien and There Make a Garden with @greenlikethesea is ONE BIG MASSIVE HAPPY ENDING (after 10+years of tragic angsty pining but w/e). I also wrote a little happy family ever after Garak/Bashir for Star Trek DS9, between the noise.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
noooo it's never happened! If I'm getting hate it's behind my back ahaha who knows what goes down in y'alls discords, that’s none of my business! Im a Leo and I work in marketing, so I am not terribly tortured by that kind of thing ahahaha
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
SURE DO! I don't know what "what kind" means. The smut kind. I've done closed door fade to black, I've done some explicit stuff, I try to give you range baby.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
I LOVE A CROSSOVER! Star Trek/Stranger Things is pretty crazy. My current project is Stranger Things/You've Got Mail put in a blender with Supernatural, so that's decently zany too.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know of!
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
I thought Quorum had been translated into Chinese, but I can't find any evidence of it, so might be all in my head ahaha.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I love to collaborate with folks! When the creative chemistry is right it's RIGHT, and it's so fun to ping-pong ideas and paragraphs back and forth. I co-wrote Check Please fics with @softbrah, have written a universe of Stranger Things fic with @greenlikethesea, and it's all been a blast. Me and @aidaronan are cooking up some ideas, if the two of us can ever stop signing up for bangs and things long enough to get to em.
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
Well of course I will say Steddie right now because I've been living here for over a year and a half. It truly does have just the most delicious dynamic, however the setup and wherever you take their characterizations.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
I don't know if I'll ever finish my Vampire Eddie immediately post-canon fic, I didn't have much direction with it, just Vibes.
16. What are your writing strengths?
I like to think I'm good with atmospheric sensory details, it's something I really care about when writing at least. I definitely enjoy dialogue, too.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Action scenes are hard, and I struggle with nailing (heh) the physicality of sex scenes. My haters in their discords are welcome to chime in here 😂😂
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I have no thoughts in particular. If it works in the fic and you've made sure your translation is right if you're not fluent in that language, hell yeah.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Lord of the Rings. You will never see this fic.
N E V E R.
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
IT IS REALLY HARD TO CHOSE AMONGST MY CHILDREN. I put a lot of my heart into I was open to pain and crossed by the rain (Wayne Munson my beloved) and I'm really proud of what I did with that one. I truly wrote Can't We Be Seventeen knowing it was really just for me, to scratch one of those desperate writing itches after an intense period of fixating on the Heathers musical soundtrack, and I really like that fic too.
Tagging @occasionaloverboy@greenlikethesea @thefreakandthehair @henrystars @capriciouslyterminal
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virtie333 · 5 months
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For the One-shot ask game... you have so many to choose from! I'm going to pick more than one, but don't feel obliged to do them all!
Rosemary for Remembrance: 2, 12, 22
The Back Corner: 4, 14, 20
And so I don't choose just smut, A Matter of Trust (my fave!): 6, 16, 21
Well, anon, since this is the only ask I got, I'm going to answer them all! Thank you for brightening my day!
Rosemary for Remembrance
2. Where did the title came from?
I had just watched Daisy Ridley's Ophelia the week before I wrote this, so that is where the title came from!
12. What scene was the easiest to write?
Believe it or not, I think the scene where Poe confronts Rey about his sex dream was the easiest. Dialog is always easy for me, especially when it gets emotional. I don't know what that says about me.
22. If you would rewrite it, how would you rewrite it?
Nope. I've never had any desire to rewrite any of my stories. Once they are posted/published, that's it. It is what it is and I have no interest in changing it.
The Back Corner
4. How long did it take to write it?
Oh, boy. I wrote this one two years ago, so I don't really remember. It was for Damerey Week, and I wrote a story for every day, so I'm going to assume I wrote it in a day or two. Maybe a bit longer, as I made this one in 5 parts. I probably wrote a part and then put it away for a while, like I do with chapters on my long fics.
14. What scene is the most different to the original plan?
Hmmmm... I don't think too much was different. Every part had to result in them in the Back Corner, so every scene had to end up in the bookstore. Only one started outside of it, actually, and I had to get them to the bookstore at some point, so I think the attempted break-in was a plot point that came along as I was writing.
20. What part of the oneshot are you most proud of?
Honestly? I was pretty proud of the fact that I kept them from kissing through the whole thing! That was hard! I love the idea of kissing Poe, so it's very hard to NOT write it! But for the story to end the way I wanted, they couldn't do it. No matter how much they wanted to!
A Matter of Trust
6. Have you written similar oneshots before?
No! This one was one of my most unique stories! I had never written anything like it before and I absolutely loved it!
16. What character was the hardest to write for?
Well, at this point I had been writing Rey and Poe for a long time. As I always try to do, I try to keep them as close to their movie characters as I can, trying me best to imagine how the Rey and Poe we all know would react to this kind of situation. It actually wasn't too difficult, as the Dystopian setting isn't too far removed from desolate/dangerous planets in Star Wars. The hard part (but also one of the most fun!) was trying to incorporate as many other Star Wars characters as I could into the found-family dynamic.
21. What part of the oneshot are you least proud of?
Hopefully this doesn't sound too egotistical, but there is not a bit of this story I am not proud of. It's one of my all-time favorites.
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Thank you so much for this! My one-shots never seem to get the attention my long-fics do, and while they may not take as much time to write, my whole heart is still involved. You picked three good ones, too!
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megafaunatic · 3 months
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for the ask meme, the lightning one: in animal and real aka the first tgcf fic i read, there's a moment where xl, who is upset, tells hc he wants to sink to the bottom of a river, do damage to himself, and have sex with hc, which hc takes in the worst possible way. it was such a huge moment for me understanding xl's character and also just really really sweet when the misunderstanding is resolved. i come back to that moment a lot
also, the boob one?
ϟ tell me what moment/scene in [fic] made you sicko in the window.jpg to read and i’ll tell you which scene made me feel that way to write
in animal and real aka the first tgcf fic i read, there's a moment where xl, who is upset, tells hc he wants to sink to the bottom of a river, do damage to himself, and have sex with hc, which hc takes in the worst possible way. it was such a huge moment for me understanding xl's character and also just really really sweet when the misunderstanding is resolved. i come back to that moment a lot
OUOUOUAOGUAGUORORUGH... wow it's literally been so long since i wrote that one i had to reread it. BARELY DOABLE FYI THANK YOU + CONGRATS TO EVERYONE WHO CAN STILL READ IT YOU ARE STRONGER THAN I AM
ok i'm back. ummmm it may shock you to find that i did a lot of projecting onto xie lian in 2019 which included giving him my specific fantasies of self harm and the weight of water. and having crazy sex with the hot love of my life*. so i was thinking a lot about different modes of physical stimulation in general - xie lian is definitely a Doer more than a Ruminator and i was interested in his instinctive approach to processing upset or trauma - but like the first two were 1:1 projection and then the sex thing was bc it was fanfiction <3
*- dont let your dreams be dreams everyone. this ones doable
i'm always interested in conversations about sex + consent, and for hualian in particular i was interested in exploring hua cheng's boundaries wrt how he would allow himself to be treated by xie lian, and specifically the difference btwn "hua cheng using sex/affection/intimacy w xie lian as self harm," which he would allow, versus "hua cheng allowing himself to be used as an instrument of self harm by xie lian," which he would not... ultimately i think neither of them is actually self aware enough to even really identify that kind of dynamic were it to occur between them, let alone explicitly name it and object to it, but that's what i wanted to write
also, the boob one? <- ☉ what do you do when you get stuck writing?
i keep the doc open for like a couple weeks to a month just in case and if i hven't made any real headway in a while i CLOSE IT and work on something else. or don't work on anything at all and just read a lot. sometimes i come back to things (stay to find out took over a year to write even though it's very short) and sometimes i don't! such is fate. sorry to everyone who's still waiting on fma fic i dont think that one's gonna happen babes. blows a kiss also to pacific rim wangxian au which at least i had the foresight not to start posting. i still think about you queen but i don't think that one's happening either
ask memememe
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dirtyoldmanhole · 3 months
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going through CQ has me thinking how corrin/gunter would progress if i had the stamina to write that route on top of YRMR (for revelation). :P
obviously, i'm not going to write another 120k fic. [stares meaningfully @ myself lmao] but here's the bullet points i've been playing with for those interested ~
in general, i think corrin has a much worse time in conquest, and gunter has a worse time in revelation. there's ups and down to rev with corrin, but his longer absence in CQ meant she truly thinks he was, like, for real dead. in yrmr/revelation, she was honestly so distracted with the hoshido/mikoto/dragon stuff that she shoved her grief aside for so long that he came back before it really hit. (unhealthy in a different way but it does keep her going).
i deleted the scene in the fic since it was a little maudlin/cheesy, but lilith feels like she'd be the only one to realize just how hard corrin grieved for him, that very first span of days in the astral plane (in both routes).
cq!corrin, bluntly - feels like she's being constantly broken with the "tests" of loyalty that garon and iago force her through, so there's a lot harsher of an element to keeping her stoic game face on, much earlier. i think she honestly just numbs herself to any and all emotion between that and the grief and basically all the "constants" in her life changing given the new war campaign "for" garon.
once corrin finally re-joins him in valla, she just. breaks down in ugly sobs in his arms. she's a mess, he's almost a mess, and it's kind of a good thing that reunion was mostly private.
ironically azura's the first to know about their... thing. i see the three of them staying in valla overnight to at least catch up on [plot shit] and to speak freely for the first time in like, ever, while recovering from minor wounds from that battle. he totally holds her by his side. uwu
(imagine if corrin had told azura offhandedly 'oh he was like my dad' a few weeks before much like micaiah/sothe's 'he's my brother' and then azura sees. them all but canoodling. lmao. 'if whatever your deal is familial i will eat my entire pendant')
post re-recruitment:
i also think their relationship would, surprisingly, progress much faster than even in the rev route. corrin seeks him out nightly just for him to hold her through the night terrors and in one of those nights, they uh.... stumble into the sex, heh.
i also, hah, think it'd progress a lot "harder" in the kink sense - as mentioned above, corrin has a shitty, shitty time in CQ's route, and i think she'd seek him out as somebody she can safely 'break' with in those scant moments of uncomplicated happiness. cough [nods meaningfully @ the recent 'gunter is totes a sadist' headcanon] cough
i don't think he actually ever tells corrin about his late wife until after the war, or his whole motivation for killing garon. it's..... not great, in ways i actually feel like their relationship in yrmr/rev route is more open/honest? their dynamic in CQ is more ... two shellshocked veterans finding that spark of happiness and nonverbal trust in private vs in the middle of some truly crushing awfulness where they both have to keep their 'game face' on in public.
lategame:
so the thing is. i think kana's an accident in CQ vs them intentionally wanting a child post-YRMR, lol. (parts of it are funny ('oh shit what do you mean babies can still happen') and then parts of it are whiplash-y tragic when gunter's struggling with his feelings given his late wife/child. given he uh. hasn't told corrin about that yet. yeahhhh.)
i'm on the fence as to whether he blurts it out to her in the middle of all that (i can see their nastiest "fight" being here especially when hormones are going nuts, she's a little less patient with him than she is normally, and there's a lot of pressure there.)
corrin/gunter never actually outright tell anyone about their relationship (unlike in yrmr), even when kana's a thing. both of them really don't want iago and garon to be able to weaponise kana or their relationship - not that the stakes are higher here than in rev, per se, but there's much less margin for error. (kana knows who his parents are but is also instructed not to tell anyone, at least until before garon and iago are dead.)
tho i think azura explicitly knows because she'd be the one to suggest the deeprealms as a place for pregnant!corrin to go to for safety once when she can't hide it.
buuut it's obvious enough to the point when lilith dies in the eternal staircase that xander & co just give corrin to him immediately afterwards all 'make sure she doesn't crack ok'. she regresses a bit there - gunter actually gets to see a glimpse of what she was like before; just.... completely dead eyed. (i actually have an old piece of art that was one of my very first gunter/corrin strips that's just that entire scene. need to finish it.)
to that point i think lilith's death also hits hard because out of anything that's been a "constant" loving presence for corrin, it's the northern fortress gang. and lilith was iirc the one person to be there pretty much continuously even when corrin went over in hoshido.
interestingly i also think that gunter is ... while he's still focused on seeing garon dead, he kind of knows this is corrin&azura's endgame plan anyway, so he puts himself more as an advisor/supportive figure to help make it happen. he's quite good with long term planning, and i don't think anankos would have near the hatred or hold on him as happens in revelation.
anyway i haven't figured out post-endgame stuff yet (i totally want to see how anankos slots into this since the silent dragon still has a number of negative feelings to pull off on with gunter) but there ya go ~
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