#also it literally doesn't matter because i'm an alien i'm not really from anywhere

[gaykarstaagforever]

Part 1

Fine. You want Fat Superman? Here is Fat Superman.

PART 2: FAT SUPERMAN

Spoiler warning: he gets fat from drinking expired champagne on an alien planet.

No I'm not joking.

And while he has to exercise to get thinner, faster, it was always going to wear off and he'd go back to normal.

Those are the stakes of this idiot story.

You see this? You see Lois being a bitch about it, and all the cruel fat-related puns?

10 and a half pages of that. That's basically it.

This is a joke that isn't funny, that eventually just...stops.

They made this the cover feature.

...A cover feature with a scene that doesn't even happen. Superman just says, "Man. What if I got fat in a phone booth, instead of a space capsule? (He was in a space capsule when he got fat. A FAKE space capsule. Look. It doesn't matter.)

Yeah. God forbid any actual dramatic story beats come out of this, you fat bastard.

Great. Now I'm doing it.

The only mildly amusing thing he does while fat is use his giant butt to plug a hole in a dam.

Speaking as a man with a giant butt...you use what you have, you know?

But even that isn't fun, because he has to make some comment about how he can't fly right, because of temporary obesity.

Yes. Because Superman's flying ability before now was totally a matter of real-world aerodynamics and particle physics.

Having him complain that his thighs are generating 10 million kilojoules of heat as they rub together when he walks would have been cruel garbage, but I would have accepted and even laughed at that. But FLYING? He is too fat to fly? Give me a break!

The blimp jokes were right there, you hacks!

Also, look back at that first dam panel. The people on the dam call him a hippo and wonder how he can still be a hero when he's fat.

It is well-established in the comics at this point that Superman can do anything, all the time, and also has super-hearing. Mostly because he tells everyone any time he does anything. And these jackasses have the nerve to stand well-within even NORMAL hearing range, and make fun of a LIVING GOD WITH LASER EYES for suddenly having man-tits?? He should have blown them over the edge, just to make a point.

Granted, this is Superman, and he's a goody-two-shoes. And they also no doubt know that. Plus he himself is currently whining about how he's TOO FAT TO FLY PROPERLY.

I've been mad for three days about this. Let's pause for an ad break.

Intriguing. I'll have to look up this 'Sesame Street' thing later, see if it went anywhere.

Back to hell.

Speaking of weird physics, I can't imagine how people on a plane flying at like 700 mph, passing even a fat Superman going at least as fast, can recognize anything, let alone have enough time to accurately guess his real Fat Superman weight.

But they do. Because this story is awful.

Okay this panel is pretty dense so let's talk about it.

1) He built that scale super-fast out of NOTHING, just to weigh himself. Looks to me like his super-abilities are just fine, even if he can't see his own penis.

2) ...I mean, okay, he is literally two tons. I admit, that's kind of really goddamn heavy. Maybe he should worry about this a little bit.

3) That last sentence is the greatest sentence in any Silver Age comic, ever. "Why ask questions?" Who gives a shit, right? It doesn't matter. None of this matters. Why did you buy this? Fuck you for reading this, kid. Go outside, nerd.

They didn't call him a blimp, but they DID have him call himself a parade balloon.

And then make him real sad about it.

...Did the Government pay DC to do a comic bullying fat children, because it was the height of the Cold War and they were afraid the next generation would be too porky to battle the Russians on their home tundra? Was someone on DC's editorial staff mad at his overweight mother-in-law? This is reaching frightening levels of antagonizing people who like donuts.

I've lost the thread, here. There is slightly more stupid story, but I've hit the "pictures of Fat Superman" limit, so this will need to continue in a Part 3.

#silver age comics #fat superman #comic book cover #dc comics

[archive2394934]

You know what I think is fascinating about the MF theory is that is opens a lot of doors to ask a lot more questions about the nature of the barrier between Hawkins and the UD. Like, idk maybe I'm getting conspiracy brained here, but we get a lot of confirmations throughout the show that the barrier between Hawkins and the UD is thinner than anywhere else on the planet: literally took our characters to Russia to confirm it without a doubt that no matter how many times the Russians blasted a high powered beam of energy at a wall no portal ever opened right and the second half of the puzzle was Hawkins and Victor saying that the town is being haunting by a demon- which is a weird line to insert given he had been obsessed with his "home" being haunted.

The strange thing is theorizing on how the MF even "chose" or "contacted" Henry in the first place. The whole creel story started out with the fact that they *moved* to Hawkins when all the weird shit started going down. If the barrier was strong back then, then how did the MF have an awareness of what was going on above in the Creel home and then to even except enough influence to screw with their lights and connect itself to Henry? Also Brenner in the Hawkins lab was already operating in Hawkins it seems so it makes me think that the barrier has been thinning even before Henry became a major player, he was just the MFs first "chosen one" for a lack of a better term.

And it's just all so sussy. TO me at least. I definitely take this over Henry being the big bad because big scary cloud go brrrrrrrr and I love it.

The whole fandom forgot the confirmation from the Russians that the UD has a specific connection to Hawkins and thus the gate to the UD could ONLY be opened in Hawkins.

I don't think the barrier was ever particularly strong in Hawkins, personally. I don't think that was ever what the canon was trying to suggest. Rather the opposite, actually. I'm sure the duffers have a lot of unrevealed lore about the town and why its so special in that regard but personally it reminds me a little of myths surrounding the Bermuda Triangle and other legends of similar "vile vortices" that are suppose to describe anomalic regions on earth where inexplicable phenomena occurs, presumably put down to some sort of "wrinkle" in space time, some kind of weird wormhole through space/time or entrance to another dimension or some cursed gateway that was brought into existence by some terrible thing happening or just generally some cosmic failure like myths about the stairways to hell and all that kind of stuff. Like the way we're shown how the compasses go stupid when close to areas around Hawkins were the Upside Down is pulling through remind me a lot of that type of mythology.

Personally, thats where I've been drawing inspo from so I really wouldn't be surprised if the Duffers actually are doing the same.

Whatever the case the Duffers have been taking inspo from popular horror and sci-fi, particularly from masters like H.P Lovecraft and shit so there is no way the Mindflayer is just a random cloud and Stranger Things isn't perfectly at home in the eldritch horror genre. Sure things can all easily be viewed as metaphoric for something more mundane and arguably more terrifying, but that doesn't mean evil entities and scary alien monsters aren't the "big bads" of the damn show and that this hasn't always been a thing since day one, nor that the introduction of some kid who got fucked with bad by these beings means the show isn't actually about these things and is just about an autistic coded kid who is just evil for the lulz. Thats not only stupid as hell, its pathetically unimaginative. And ST is not a stupid, unimaginative show, imo.

#henry creel #vecna #001

[chainsofaether]

What is your muse’s opinion about the Elementals and the Greenwrath?

What a topic.

I'm more then a bit curious what other Viera think about the shroud. Also while I'm at it give me me more lore about the Viera and the wood. Lots of thoughts there and very little source material.

But what does she think? Enough to have avoided going to anywhere near the forest for the last ten ish years since she's been able to travel at her choice. Until literally this week that is.

She's a deeply conflicted about the place. As a thinking mortal person she hates the elementals. They are alien and cruel in ways that even Ul'dah can't match. Oh those ala mhigan refugees? Yeah get the fuck out of the forest because a war that happened close to a hundred years ago. A child wrongs the forest? Maximum punishment.

Sure they protect the shroud, but they did so as uncompromising, uncaring, alien tyrants. Its very hard for anyone but the Padjal to even talk to them. Minus the occasional person with a strong enough connection to aether/elements to be able to hear them.

Prior to the calamity it was very dangerous to go to the Shroud since the elementals had enough power to simple erase you if you pissed them off. That thing known as the Greenwrath.

But the calamity robbed them of a great deal of power in their attempt to protect the forest. And that's the very reason why the forest compared to many other places was less damaged. They certainly proved their value that day in the least.

That said, Yrys is not entirely just a thinking mortal person. She's also very much a Viera. Doesn't matter that she was removed from the wood as a child, some part of her remembers. She doesn't know if the wood had elementals in it like the shroud does but the rules there weren't entirely different. The reverence for the forest was similar.

That hurts to think about. Part of her wonders if she'd be welcome, if it would feel like home. Or if it would just feel like some pale imitation. Maybe she judges them to harshly, after all it's their home. What Viera wouldn't have killed in a moment to protect the wood? Are they really so alien when she considers that?

Worse, something she doesn't realize yet is that Yrys can probably hear the elementals. Not particularly clearly, she has no training after all. But the talent is there. Yrys has always sensed/interacted with aether better then most people. If she's been able to stay in the wood it's a talent that probably would have pushed her to some position of tribe priestess or similar role.

((Thank you for the ask @sirenofdusk, still so much of this topic I need to think about. It's hard with out more source material on the Viera though. Just a bunch of logical leaps and head cannon. But yeah if anyone has thoughts on the topic of Viera feelings about the shroud, or just thoughts about 'The Wood' hit me. Tell me. Give me your thoughts.))

#Yrys #ff14 #asks #queue #speak to me

[vivdunye]

present day, present time

and you don't seem to understand

fabled adages of science

so i was watching the snyder cut of justice league the other morning, i couldn't really begin to tell you why other than i needed 4 hours of background noise . but i tuned in at one point when the fictional super Israeli, wonder woman, narrated a scene explaining an alien technology "that was so advanced that it almost seemed like sorcery", and wouldn't yknow, that's a real concept actually, i recognized it immediately as clark's third law:

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

it's perhaps the most well known and oft quoted of the three, but i always felt like arthur c. clark's first 2 laws don't ever get quite enough love . i've been thinking heavily about the first law lately:

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

i've been thinking about it in relation to this one quote from wernher von braun that i always liked:

Nature does not know extinction; all it knows is transformation. Everything science has taught me, and continues to teach me, strengthens my belief in the continuity of our spiritual existence after death.

many people are afraid of death; of ceasing the awareness of life, because they don't know what will happen to themselves after, where do they go if anywhere? it's much more nebulous in the secular sense if you haven't a construct for the afterlife already . i've been thinking about death more and more often lately to a worrying degree . however, scientific thought for all its clinical detachment from all things spiritual has strangely enough always felt like the perfect module for contemplating the metaphysical . so i decided to do some research .

i want to recall right now thomas edison's first intended use for the phonograph . edison had originally envisioned the phonograph primarily as a means of preserving the voices of loved ones after death . he later went on to try and develop a "ghost box" or "spiritphone" . this device would allow humans to communicate directly with the dead . he was unsuccessful .

if hauntology has taught us anything, we technically do have ghost boxes now, but maybe not in the way edison intended or even predicted . we carry them everywhere and can check them anytime, channeling messages through them constantly . we actively become digital ghosts, online we are both present and absent . the present implodes with the past, we've over-documented everything so now we can experience an instant nostalgia . today's future becomes archaic, we live in the archive to try and remember what the future once was .

'haunted' and 'futuristic' become one and the same .

by this token i'm reminded also by transhumanism . as the technological singularity fast approaches, as progress charges forward at a constantly increasing speed, current estimates posit the 2040s as the point in which technological improvements will occur at a constantly self-replicating rate . in the time between now and then, transhumanism and the eventual merging of human consciousness with machinery are theorized outcomes of technological progress . one day we might be able to leave the shackles of our human bodies and transcend our physical forms as a joined digital consciousness .

and in relation to this i also think now of clark's second law

The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

through the wired

this is the stage on which the anime Serial Experiments Lain is set . a story, that while constructed on the patchwork of fiction, is nevertheless symbolic of certain phenomena based in reality .

also i apologize if it wasn't apparent that this post was going to be about Lain . im lainposting boys

the first few episodes exist to misdirect the viewer right from the beginning . and only by returning to these episodes having thought through the rest of the show, does their purpose become clear . the first episode, aptly titled "Layer 01: Weird" , is meant to show us exactly one thing, that lain is fucking weird . we can't tell what she's thinking, we can't tell what she's doing, and that's exactly how everyone around her feels . lain is totally and completely disconnected, she doesn't keep up with current events at school, she doesn't communicate with her family, near as we can tell she has no actual interests besides her stuffed animals and totally phasing out of reality. the inciting incident of the series happens when someone tries to make a connection with lain, and that person happens to be dead...

or at least there body is dead, their consciousness seems to have escaped into the wired . lain's decision to pursue this connection is what lead's her to ask her father for a new navi (the series' name for a personal computer) and that's all that really happens in this episode . coming back to it from later episodes we know that lain is probably thinking a lot throughout this episode . the decision to not entreat us to any of her thoughts is intentional, it is to make us feel distant from her as viewers, the same way that the world around her is distant . as lain forms connections throughout the series, so too, will we form a connection with her .

we do not know how much time has passed since then and the second episode, but whatever has happened lain has already developed a significant presence in the wired . this episode is tricky in its presentation as it doesn't make us privy to which things lain is lying about and which things she's honest about . in it we have lain talking to someone on her navi, she types sporadically in an encrypted language, and someone who looks just like her appears late one night in a night club downtown . while lain won't admit it to her classmates it's apparent at the end of the episode that it was her at the club all along . the key to understanding her actions throughout the episode is to realize she is trying to keep her existence in the wired and her existence in reality as separate entities . the realization she has by the end of the episode, which she uses to terrify a gunmen into suicide is that there is no escape from the wired, no matter where you are you are always connected .

made in the late-90s, Lain was quite ahead of its time . it predicted not only how in the early 2000s the internet would be regarded as a separate world where anonymity and personas reigned—it also predicted how the internet would eventually and inevitably overlap with the real world, once people in the real world realized that the internet is the real world . people have a tendency to see one part of themselves as their "true selves", whereas the parts they show to others are personas, they think of these things as separate when in reality a person is an amalgamation of all of their personas . lain tries to change her personas by dressing and acting differently from when she's in the wired-mode and in normal-mode, but she doesn't realize how people have been doing this way before the wired existed . her classmates are all 15 but they all pass for adults when they've dolled up and hit the club . if the characters in the show seem a bit young for their attitudes then you may not have met enough tech-savvy teenagers before . the purpose of this episode is to ultimately to prove to lain that the so-called real world and the wired are merely two layers of one reality, which couldn't be more true of the world today .

let there be light300pMTK. .

in mythology, psyche was the mortal princess who fell in love with and, eventually, married the god cupid; in religion and classical philosophy, psyche came to mean the human soul, and in the modern, literate world, it retains that meaning as the human spirit; in freudian analysis, psyche refers to the totality of the human mind: the id, ego and superego .

every meaning of psyche is distinctly human: a human princess who achieves godhood, the soul or mind of an individual . if previous episodes introduced the blurring of the real world with the wired, then episode three; "Layer 03: Psyche" is the episode that starts to blur human identity online and offline . one doesn’t even have to venture into the wired to ask what is human .

by this point we know that lain is definitely up to something . at this stage it's hard to tell what, but all we get are little glimpses into her actions . she still seems to be hiding a lot from the world around her and from the viewer in turn . ironically, lain's blank-faced silence and response to the questions of those around her it's own incrimination . when a police officer tells her to speak up (regarding the gunman's suicide) even if she had nothing to do with it, he doesn't realize she's being silent precisely because she does have something to do with it . but her deer-in-the-headlights persona gets her out of it .

the lain of the wired and the lain of reality are slowly starting to mesh into one whole . it remains difficult to interpret the physical existence of "other lain" so to speak, and the show refuses to outright show her playing that character . at the least, we do get to see lain access the wired in all its chaotic glory and she does begin to take an active interest in expanding her knowledge as she learns about and installs the "Psyche drive", a computer circuit that lain procures in hopes of it enhancing her computer's processing power . on the smaller scale, when lain applies the psyche processor to her navi, she is installing a spirit or soul, an animating element, to her machine . notably, the psyche does not replace the main processor; psyche augments the main processor, interpreting the data that flows through it . the soul is not simply the brain, it is an elevated consciousness or meta-self. by this point in the series lines become blurred and the lains begin to merge (hehe) . all of this is set against the backdrop of lain trying to decide if she should remain in the physical world or fully integrate in the wired . she hears one voice telling her that death feels amazing, and god exists in the wired, that there is nothing left for lain in this world . however, lain begins to establish a connection with her classmate alice, saying her name out loud and commiting it to memory for the first time, alice asks why her friends are not more shaken up after watching someone shoot himself in the head the previous day . it's almost as though lain is clinging to alice as an excuse to stay in the physical world out of fear for changing over . this all sets the seeds for what eventually grows throughout the series .

i want to recall the final meaning of the word “psyche". that the word also meant “butterfly,” which is how the greeks imagined the soul to appear . no doubt the symbolism of a creature that begins as one thing and transforms into another is not lost on us here .

every event serves to emphasize the existence of one's own personal reality, and as individuals from all others, we desire a place to belong . however that too is an egotistical concept . in order for there to be a mutual understanding, it is necessary to recognize here and now, like the brain synapses, we are all—in a logical yet chaotic manner—connected .

each is seperate—yet they are one . by connecting, humanity gains first awareness of its function as a seed . and by connecting a human no longer remains a mere endpoint, a "terminus", but becomes a junction to another point, having won the right to continue itself . in a sense, the ability to connect is the ability to continue . this not only applies to the connection of axial coordinates but temporal coordinates as well . therefore, at the time when a conscious, intentional connection is made, surely the dead will rise from there intended place, appearing at the time coordinate of the connection's origin .

in that moment, the realization will dawn that the time in which we inhabit our physical bodies is but the starting point of the connection, and the very meaning of possessing a physical body might be questioned .

we recognize we are connected .

serialize thyself .

#tecnobabel #text

[johobi]

Breathe

Word count: 2.5k

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Warnings: None. This is about as wholesome as it gets on my blog.

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17359445

Next: Interval || Dig Deep Masterlist

The night before your wedding to a man you couldn’t find any more repugnant, you seek out the mercantile aid of an unscrupulous space pirate.

A coolness perfuses the soles of your unshod feet. Everything about your alien environment exudes this curious chilliness. And though it should perhaps be the foreign engineering, the meandering layout, or the noiselessness of the vessel that flummoxes you most, it is rather the temperature that beguiles you. 

Iluoli reside in a state of refrigeration. The notion is equal amounts amusing and fascinating. That much is reflected - quite literally, in the ship’s many lustrous surfaces - by your confused arrangement of features. And it is while wearing this unflattering facial setting that a door before you whooshes - everything on their ship whooshes - open. Right onto the long, limber figure of who you now know to be its captain. Before vacant, Namjoon’s eyes and mouth fly wider than you would consider possible. Then again, he is an alien. “Oh!” The exclamation is pulled from him softly. As quickly as he’d breathed it, he affixes a less terror-stricken expression. “Miss ____. I apologise if I startled you—“ by the way he white-knuckles the doorway, it should be you apologizing—“I wasn’t expecting to see you on the bridge. Or anywhere,” Namjoon remarks aside, bending enough to evaluate you from the toes up. “I wasn’t expecting to see you on your feet for a few days. Dr. Jung informed me that the soreness of your genitals would render you bedbound.” An inferno builds in your cheeks. And what may as well have been vapour, for the insubstantiality that leaves your flapping mouth. “U-Uh—“ “Ah, are you not feeling yourself still?” Namjoon incorrectly diagnoses, interpreting your incoherency as malady. “Come in and take a seat. The chairs are tolerable soft here. Designed for long stints of occupation.” “Th-Thanks,” you stumble, because if it weren’t your tongue flailing uselessly it’d be your legs, quaking in embarrassment. You’ve not long been aboard their ship, but it’s taken half that amount of time to realise that the Iluoli speak openly and frankly about such matters. And for one such as you, having been raised amidst the pomp and propriety of human nobility, their unfiltered stance on sexual activity is baffling. Refreshing, but baffling. “I’m doing well, though, thank you,” you sincerely do thank him, because his concern is genuine. “Yoongi suggested I take a wander of the ship to familiarise myself.” A lie; the bitter truth being he was standoffish and unreceptive to all attempted conversation. Even after your sordid clinch! The alien had muttered some transparent excuse about work and left you lonesome in his quarters.   “I didn’t know I was heading to the bridge. I’m sorry if I disturbed you.” “Not at all.” Namjoon rebuffs your fears of intrusion with a wave. “I was about to retire but you’re most welcome to see it. It isn’t terribly impressive.” He thumbs blindly to the chamber behind him, and his assertion couldn’’t be any further from the truth.

Meek as a mouse, you poke a toe over the threshold until awe robs you of your self-consciousness. The room carries the same, sleek architecture that is signature of the crew’s species, but what astounds you is the height of its concave reaches. A reinforced, glass dome houses you from the void twinkling beyond, granting you an unparalleled panorama of near space. Illuminants line the chamber’s walls, enhancing its majesty; strips of gentle violet that thrum with the engine’s core, pulsing like veins. Presumably the ship is either on standby or auto-pilot, as the light seems more ambient than practical. Consoles and stations around you blink with all manner of their own, indecipherable lights. And if you listen closely, there is a pleasant, undercurrent drone resonating from the technology surrounding; a hum as harmless and soporific as a mother’s bedtime lullaby.

A lullaby, if your eyes aren’t deceiving you, that one of the crew seems to have succumbed to. Open-mouthed and throat-exposed, a young man you’ve yet to make the acquaintance of dozes to the fore of the room, at its cockpit. In the lowlight it’s difficult to examine the features of his face, but by the silhouette of his strong profile he’s extremely handsome.

Is everyone on this ship sinfully good-looking?

The slumbering boy’s hair flutters on the breath of an apnoeic snort. One so loud and sudden it punctures the peace like a gunshot. Startled, you clutch the nearest thing to you, wild-eyed and abuzz with anxiety.

The nearest thing being Namjoon.

It only registers that you’re far from home, far from kin, and far out of your depth when you clock the squidgy, cloaked appendages you’re so rudely grappling are the captain’s tentacles. You know, the thing that modesty dictates they keep covered.

And you’re practically flattening them.

Namjoon makes a peculiar noise. Something betwixt a gasp and an exhalation, all at once. You think to unhand him, but your knuckles are only operating one-way. “Oh, goodness, I’m so, so sorry!”

“That’s quite alright,” the captain attempts to reassure you, though the hiccup in pitch gives away his agitation. Before you can extricate yourself from your tangle, Namjoon’s familiarly greasy appendages are encircling your wrists and returning them to your sides. Freed, his tentacles slither swiftly behind their shroud. “I apologise if Taehyung frightened you. He sleeps in here more than he does his own bunk.”

You follow the rhythmic rise and fall of the extraterrestrial’s chest. "Why does he do that?"

What you can only intuit as a fond smile erupts across the captain's face. "He's rather vehement in his pursuit of knowledge. It's a challenge to have him even eat, sometimes."

Illustrating Namjoon's words lay piles of vintage reading materials, the kind hardbound by leather and paper. Books, they used to call them. Taehyung doesn't appear the type to shun modern technology either, though. Scattered haphazardly amidst the tomes are your more familiar holopads, glowing idly with text and casting a sunset across his untroubled features.

"He's our navigator," Namjoon answers the question next on your tongue. "You would struggle to find someone who is as space-savvy as he is." His line of sight directs you to the controlled chaos stacked around the boy. "So we accommodate his eccentricities as best we can."

Where Yoongi is brusque and unfeeling, Namjoon is patient and warm. Your focus leaves the exotic chamber to land on him. "And I thank you again for accommodating me. I know it was extremely sudden. In all honesty, I'm essentially at sea. I had no plan beyond escape. And it wasn't with you, either."

Namjoon, too, is drawn back to the conversation. Spun-gold hair sweeps over an eye when he tilts his head. "You weren't planning to ask for our aid?"

"No," your cheeks feel the burn of shame before you can comprehend why. And then you do. "I approached your crew with the very specific aim o-of--" Namjoon's arcane eyes don't waver. Thraeus, they're purple. "Well, you know what."

"Engaging in interspecies intercourse?"

Namjoon's unequivocal suggestion triggers a snort from you, an improvement on head-to-toe mortification. "Yes, well. Yes." Your knuckles twist white around your skirt. "Before I was bound to marriage, I wanted that which I was always denied in pursuing. Forgive me if you think me vulgar."

A wonky smile suggests otherwise. "We really have no notion of such a thing. It was a curious display, if anything." A thumb and index finger pull suddenly, inexplicably at your cheek and bafflement leaves your mouth hanging. "Is this the colour of human embarrassment?" Namjoon hums, consumed by intrigue. "Your temperature has changed, also. We have no such reaction to that emotion. Though, we do feel it." Pincered in his scholarly musings, you can't so much see but hear the light ripple of his tentacles behind him. "Much of our emotion and reaction revolves around our Raeli."

As you speak, your cheek finds freedom from his gentle pinching. "Raeli?"

"I hear your kind term them tentacles, but that is not their true name. Raeli are, in etymology, quite literally our gifts from God." The so-called gifts squirm enthusiastically beneath Namjoon's cloak, as though sentient and hearing. "They are a measure of strength, virility, capability. They form the basis of much of our etiquette and ceremony. Their language can easily be misinterpreted by those unknown to us and thus it is prudent to keep them covered to strangers and the outside world."

Hearing him speak of alien custom in so free a way unearths a familiar, nagging resentment for your restricted upbringing. All you'd craved in your eye-rollingly homogenous curriculum was a taste of the other. To understand the beings that co-habit your universe. What you might one day run away to...

"Oh, so it's not for modesty's sake?"

Namjoon’s features scrunch toward the centre of his face. Again, you appear to have amused him. "No. We don't clothe ourselves for the reasons you do." Fingers trace the delicate embroidery of his cloak. "Well, some of them, anyway. To maintain our temperature, as you do, yes, but we feel no shame in revealing our naked form."

You mull these unfamiliar perspectives over. The more you contemplated your species' unnerving obsession for concealing all that was natural, the easier it was to consider that humans were the abnormal ones. "That's really interesting. Refreshing," you add with speed, eager to ensure your drowsy monotone isn't interpreted as sarcasm. If that's even a concept they're familiar with. They seem an extremely literal peoples.

"What's interesting?" A soft question, caught in a yawn, originates from the far end of the bridge. Taehyung is mysterious in the star-and-low-lit room, his eyes heavy with sleep and propped open by intrigue. "What are you talking about?" He repeats huskily, quicker this time, interest eschewing his lethargy.

It takes you more than a moment to respond. Largely, in part, because it's difficult to process how this fresh-, cherubic-faced man can produce sounds so sonorous. Hearing him speak is akin to submersion in your very favourite, warm milk baths. "I--well," your nerve renders itself elusive again when faced with a touted erudite. "Namjoon was just telling me some things about your species that I didn't know. I love hearing about you."

Taehyung's bottom lip catches the light as he juts it. "Oh. Is that it? We're boring. Now, what would be interesting is if you tell me everything about your species." He's on two legs, now, stretching each and every of the limbs attached to his torso toward the sky. Naturally your eyes are drawn to his uncloaked appendages as they flex away the effects of their inertia. Teal, and long - oh, so long - when extended in this manner, they tremble at the limit of their reach, much like the tail of your beloved, coddled cat, King Cud. "Where are you from? Where do you originate? What do you eat? The flora and fauna on your planet?" Taehyung stops a mere foot away, no longer lit by space but fluorescence from the corridor. There are stars, nevertheless, in his eyes, now open wide and seeking something of fascination. His tentacles undulate restlessly in the air behind him, six hands on a timepiece that originates from his back. You haven't seen them bared so boldly since--

"It's late, Taehyung. ____ is likely tired. You can ask her these things another time." Namjoon must sense some change in your demeanour. For the life of you, though, it's not something you can pinpoint yourself. Awe, maybe. He interprets discomfort. "And sheathe yourself. You may look threatening to a human."

Your head whips to him and back. Back to the imposing beauty overlooking you. "Oh, no! Not at all. I'm not afraid. I'm just--" how best to depict yourself as something other than a brazen xenophile? "--I've never mixed with people outside my own species. Other than the servant staff, I mean." The reproval you anticipate doesn't come from either of your hosts at your divulging your appallingly pampered lifestyle. The chagrin licks hot at your cheeks anyway. "What I'm trying to say is that I hold much admiration for your species. I want to learn more of you, and others, and--everything. I've led a very sheltered life until now."

As Taehyung's hands land on his hips, so, too, do two of his tentacles, ringing his wrists in mimicry. An exuberant grin pulls his lips into a charming, rectangular show of teeth. "I have so much to tell you, Madam ____!" The title is unexpected but you receive it with a smile of your own. "You don't know anything? That's so exciting!" He turns to Namjoon, tentacles tangling in his thrill. "Captain, this is amazing! I've never met someone so unintelligent! The things I can teach her!"

If your face wasn't an inferno of mortification before, it is now. "U-Unintelligent?"

Taehyung communicates a vague, self-conscious panic at Namjoon. His index fingers come together at his front for a show of agitated poking. If that wasn't winsome enough for your forgiveness, his top two tendrils emulate the gesture over his mop of hair. "D-Did I say it wrong? I meant," his top teeth sink into his fleshy bottom lip, fixed on Namjoon. His Captain, however, looks bereft of answers. "Stupid."

Whether it's a sound or a snort that ejects itself from one of your facial orifices, you're not sure. It's muffled in nano-time, however, by the palms of both your hands slapping your airways shut.

Namjoon, ever your well-meaning - if inaccurate - interpreter, sends a sigh in Taehyung's direction. His eyebrows hover low and remonstrative. "You're distressing our guest, Taehyung. With one of your words," he tacks on, sagely, though the ambiguity is transparent.

Actually, you'd laughed. Coarsely. You hadn't belly-laughed since, well, you'd been instructed by your nannies to hide it. The belly and the laughter. And all things in between. It was plebeian and unattractive to suitors, they'd said. That propriety dictated a gentlewoman keep such uncouth behaviour stifled. Slamming a hand to your mouth had become an unfailing reflex.

"Which one?"

"S-Stupid?"

Your reverie is struck aside by Namjoon's flustered speculation. Back in reality, you find yourself engaged by two extremely bewildered Iluoli. That’s very unlike reality.

The captain, then, relaxes in understanding. "Ah, yes. Don't say the word stupid, Taehyung. It's probably offensive to humans. Perhaps the term unlearned is less harsh."

There's no keeping it in. A noise, as foreign as your surroundings and situation, ousts itself like a geyser, vibrant and untapped. Thraeus, it’s funny. Everything is so funny. You guffaw into the open air, clawing at your stomach as it tremors."S-Stupid--u-unlearned--"

Once as deep as the earth's core, Taehyung's voice shoots up, shrill. "You made it worse!"

Namjoon's is just as high. "I--I didn't know humans were so fragile!"

It's only halfway to Hoseok's office, bound gently aloft by tentacles and amidst frenzied cries of Her face is watering again! that you're able to regain a measure of your composure and reassure them that you aren't, in fact, seizing.  Merely, you were laughing out your amusement. And you thank them for it.

That does nothing to clear up their confusion.

#yoongi #min yoongi #yoongi smut #yoongi scenarios #suga #suga smut #suga scenarios #dig deep #breathe

[ask-kurt-wagnerandrpwithhim]

Since I realized most people probably haven't looked too far into Jotun and Asgardian aging patterns in any cannon unlike myself, allow me to make some things clear, whether this upseta people or not.

Lizzy is around Kurt's age, like 23 or 24 years old. Lizzy had the twins when she would have been 16 or 17. Yes, I do realize that's controversial, however I will explain why that is. Lizzy, being Half Cat - and I don't mean some kind of cat like alien either, her mother was a literal cat, I drew that inspiration from myths rather than comics - sexually matured faster than other Jotuns her age. However, other jotuns her age are still probably in daipers, which is where this gets more controversial. Her ex is clearly designed to be a nameless bad guy nobleman fire giant. Nobody is meant to like him in any regard. He is around Loki's age, over 1000 years old. I purposefully designed him to be hated and seen as pure evil so that a trial such as this, which is a common occurance in Lizzy's narative, will not be won by him in any regard, because for a while I was rping with someone who I absolutely despise now because of how controlling they were to the point I didn't even get to pick what characters I used, and that person had a tendancy to redeem villains who did not deserve redemption, evn going as far as to try and make HITLER a good guy in one rp before I exploded on them for it. To someone from Earth, Lizzy is an adult with the mind of an adult. To anybody from the other 8 realms who knows her age she is a child who is more mature than she should be. Those who have gotten to know her have given in a little bit and let her run her own life, such as Loki and Thor who would have both met her and gotten to know her just after the twins were born. Of course, she would hide her origins from Thor, but when the temperature is bellow freezing it becomes kinda obvious she's part Jotun. Lizzy will not loose the trial, her ex will be locked away, if for no other reason than the entire jury seeing her as a child. Now, depending on how the trial may yet go, she may have to sign legal custody over to Johnny or someone else she trusts since, again, most of the 8 other realms are going to see her as a child unless they take the time to realize she takes after her cat mother a bit more than her jotun father. That being said, I doubt anybody would actually step in and physically take the kids away from her so long as she didn't fight against signing custody over. It would just be a formal thing basically saying "I acknowledge that by the law of 8 of the 9 realms I am too young to be raising children" like many places do with teen moms here in the USA.

Tl;dr: Lizzy is not going to loose the case by any means, her Ex would likely be seen as a huge pervert by the jury and not allowed anywhere near a school, and at worst she'd have to sign legal custody over to Johnny or Loki as her closest relatives like teenage moms often have to do in America but she wouldn't be stopped from raising them. No matter what Kurt or Johnny do, Lizzy will not loose the case because of how aging works in most of the 9 realms and thus how the laws for the realms would have been written.

Keep in mind that we here on earth have based the age of adulthood on many things throughout history and would usually near unanimously agree on the same age even if 2 groups of people have never interacted before. Presumably, other alien races would do the same. Asgardians are stated in the comics to be immortal and in the movies to live about 5000 years, and in both they usually lined up the other races of the 8 "immortal" realms to be the same, so Elves and Dwarvs and Giants would live about the same span as an Asgardian. Most people from these races do not typically have offspring with something that has a shorter life span, so the general consensus on when children become adults would be about the same. In my cannon, these rases are not immortal but will live longer than mcu Asgardians. Loki is roughly 2000 years old, give or take, and is considered to be an adult, so lets say that roughly 1700 years is when they're adults. It would give leeway to Loki not being beheaded every time he does something evil because of an emotional imbalance within him, but still be locked in prison for such acts. Now, since we have an arbitrary age of adulthood to work with and Lizzy is most certainly not old enough to be granted the same rights as an adult Jotun, that would mean that even if everybody in the 9 realms recognuzed she was mentally and physically an adult, she is still not legally an adult in 8 of 9 realms. She's still too young legally for any non human to allow her to be coordinated as queen, to be present during important meetings between leaders of the 9 realms, or really anything she would have to do as a legal adult royal. Even if they recognized her as an adult and treated her as such, she would not be allowed, unless that changed the laws, to do anything an adult royal must do on a daily basis. Loki would have to take her place or they would have to find some other Jotun until she was old enough. And because she's not legally an adult in 8 of the 9 realms she would also have to deal with the issue of her sex life being brought up in court if the issue of her being old enough to raise her own kids does end up being brought up. Because she's only an adult legally on Earth would she even be able to consent anywhere else in the realms and should she be allowed to make such decisions for herself on earth? She's very clearly mature and capable, but so are many young women by the age of 14 due to trauma and abuse, that doesn't mean they're old enough to consent. And if she isn't old enough to consent that means anybody she's ever been in a relationship with could end up in big trouble. Because humans don't age like the other 8 realms it could also bring into questiom whether or not someone could use the argument of "well, on midgard 18 is an adult so it legally wasn't wrong" if someone really wanted to.

What I'm trying to say is that Lizzy's trial may or may not have a wider effect on the cannon of Kurt's world depending on what schengens he gets up to, but she most certainly will not loose the case, especially if when we do the Trial whoever ends up doing She Hulk brings up that she is around Kurt's age and her ex is breaking big laws in 8 of the 9 realms and Lizzy isn't legally old enough to be held accountable for anythings Johnny does to him.

Sorry this is so long, but it's one ofthose stream of consciousness posts before I go anywhere else. The biggest thing is that Lizzy won't loose the case and her ex cannot be seen as anything but a nameless villain