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#also in the tags of the last post I reblogged I said I was working on a project
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man not to read too much into spahr's "there was a reason i picked him" about phineas but. i am always keeping in mind that spahr pulled phineas out of the delta personally. he didn't meet phineas as a prospective adsecla he met him as a scared little kid! maybe it wasn't so much that spahr actually thought phineas was the best choice as that he really wanted to believe he was. maybe without even being aware of it! how could he not want to believe in the rags to riches of it all? something that started with that scared little kid HE was able to help save? a tangible representation--beyond valor--of something good he did? but now of course that whole narrative has crumbled around him! phineas did something horrible (that was all spahr's fault as far as he's concerned) and now phineas is dead! that's it! story over! :)
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aquanutart · 1 year
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an upside-down truth / a fallen star
#the dragon prince#tdp#aaravos#gif#aquanutart#hi i would like to thank everyone who said on my last pic 'i am reblogging this for the puffballs'#as well as 'your tags have murdered me' etc#truly made the whole experience worthwhile. i still can't tell if anyone got the joke but i no longer care#next in our series of 'it's 2022 why don't you make a brush' i should really make a star brush#instead of sitting there going dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot ...#even traditional art has a shortcut method for this (it's called putting masking tape on everything and then: splatter)#(advisable to do this first before drawing anything else...)#the good thing is it doesn't actually take a long time to do the dot dot dots it's just kind of repetitive#and you get bored and start writing about it in your tags and then it takes longer because you're not working#i listened to the ff8 soundtrack while making this#i had actually planned to listen to the triple triad music the entire time but#it turned out i couldn't take it for several hours#even though i quickly realized my mistake i ended up having triple triad stuck in my head the whole time anyway. i did this to myself#anyway i was determined to finish this before season 4 dropped#because i also had the idea three years ago and i need to post it before the new season possibly makes it obsolete#threw a wrench into my own schedule by deciding at the last minute that i needed to animate it and i don't know how to animate#then tdp kind of also threw a wrench by releasing the first episode a week early but it's okay i'm still basically in time#i'd personally like it if aaravos were someone who warps and twists the truth and/or has a warped perspective rather than outright lying#i'm convinced there's a meaning to the upside-down star arcana and maybe rotating the key of aaravos can unlock something ??#saying this suddenly gave me flashbacks to the rotation keys in skyward sword rofl what if he's being held in prison#by his own startouch marking being upside-down because it's out of alignment with the universe or something#TWO MORE DAYS let's GO i've been waiting three years to have my theories blown apart
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sisterdivinium · 1 year
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Finding "the meaning" to a show that could have had up to five or seven seasons but was cancelled after the second is somewhat like trying to understand a novel composed of seventy chapters by having read only twenty — there is a whole wealth of information which we do not possess that could alter our reading of any given element or of the entire thing in itself.
Still, there are always patterns that weave a story into a cohesive unit and they can help us to better grope in darkness towards comprehension. One such pattern in Warrior Nun appears to be how the consequences to mistakes, "sins" or evil deeds committed by characters manifest.
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Basic storytelling usually requires characters to act on something so that complications or resolutions may arise from their choices and move the plot forwards. In Warrior Nun, many of these actions are quite tragic in nature: Suzanne's arrogance and pride lead to the death of her Mother Superion; Vincent's allegiance to the higher power he believed Adriel to be inspired him to kill Shannon; Ava's flight from the Cat's Cradle ends up damning Lilith as she is mortally wounded and taken away by a tarask... All of these events have negative outcomes and heavy repercussions on all characters directly or indirectly involved. Something changes permanently because of them, be it in the world around them or within the characters themselves.
And yet, it would seem that all of these dark deeds not only move the story forwards but might also have overall positive results. We would have had no protagonist without Ava — and she would arguably never have received the halo to begin with had she not been murdered. What's more, on a personal scale, the horrifying crime she suffers is, in the end, the very thing that allows her a second chance in life, a new life.
An act of outside evil permits Ava to grow and develop, shows her a path she would not otherwise have found. Without her own season in some sort of hell, Lilith would not have been able to advance towards other ways of being and understanding beyond her very strict limitations. Vincent and Suzanne would not have embarked on their own journeys of enlightenment without having caused the pain they are responsible for.
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Beatrice might have been paying for someone else's mistakes, but she, too, is given the chance to grow into herself through it. The afflictions that torment these characters advance the overall plot, but they also advance them, as individuals, as long as they are willing to learn and keep going despite the calamities large and small that they are faced with. Beatrice keeps going after parental rejection, Mary keeps going after losing Shannon, Jillian keeps going after losing her son (in part through her own actions, adding insult to injury)... Trouble and the adaptation that follows it, if one is open enough to learn from the experience, motivates the characters, propels them forward, teaches them.
The problem of evil has occupied the minds of many a thinker throughout the ages, given how the very existence of it, evil, might call into question that of God (a good, omniscient, omnipotent one, anyway). A common way of justifying suffering (and also God), then, is by claiming, as Saint Augustine, that "God judged it better to bring good out of evil than not to permit any evil to exist".
Now, it would be rather ridiculous to say of Warrior Nun that it follows in Leibniz's footsteps, also because this philosopher, expanding on the augustinian concept, attempted to defend the goodness of a real God with his "best of all possible worlds" while all we have is... Well, whatever/whoever Reya is.
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But there seems to be an inclination towards some sort of optimism as a worldview nonetheless.
Betrayals reveal truth and grant knowledge (Vincent's culminates with the coming of Adriel, which allows us to know of the threat of a "Holy War" and thus prepare for it; Kristian's gives Jillian much needed insight, William's lights up the fuse for the fight to be taken more seriously...), crimes committed willingly or not open the way for Ava (Suzanne's killing of her Mother Superion causes the loss of the halo, which is transferred to Shannon, whose death opens the gates for Ava to walk through after being herself murdered by sister Frances)... The magnitude of these positive outcomes is perhaps not "balanced" when compared to the evil that brings them about, but there is still something to take out of the catastrophe.
However tragic the tones of a given event, the show itself appears to shun the predetermination that makes tragedy as a genre; if everything is connected, here it at least appears to not necessarily drag everyone into their horrible dooms.
What's more is that this lurking "optimism" matches really well with our own protagonist's personality.
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And it makes perfect sense that Ava would do the best she could with whatever she is given.
Life for her, in the conditions she experienced after the accident, would have been unbearable without some sort of positive outlook on life. However deadpan, the joking and the "obscene gestures" and whatever other forms of goofing around beside Diego are a way of turning a portion of the situation in her own favour. Proverbial eggs have, after all, already been broken right and left — might as well make an omelette of whatever remains.
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Humour is just another way of looking at the bright side of something, or, at the every least, of mitigating the utter horror it might bring. If the show allows for moments of lightness, if it lets us laugh, if it takes us through a perilous voyage which still bears ripe, succulent fruit instead of the rot of pessimism and its necessary contempt for humanity, it is because Ava herself sees things in this way. It isn't gratuitous or naïve in this case, but a true survival strategy, especially as it is confronted with the morbidity of Catholicism.
Here is a religion that soothes its faithful with the promise of reward in the afterlife — how else does one charge into battle against the unknown, risking one's own death along with that of one's sisters, without the balm of believing that we shall all meet again eventually, "in this life or the next"? How else does one come to terms with the ugliness and the pain of this existence if not by looking forward to a paradise perfect enough to make all trials and tribulations here worth it?
True nihilism would have annihilated Ava. Her present perspective is what avoided the abyss.
And there is nothing Panglossian to her attitude or what the show might imply by giving us her view on things. This isn't about "the best of all possible worlds", but of making the best of whatever situation we're in, of taking what we have and doing something with it, something good, something of ourselves. It isn't God making good out of evil, but our choices.
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Killing innocent people and feeling no remorse will never be the best someone can aspire to do. Sister Frances, cardinal William, Adriel all learn this the hard way.
Those who do their best find that, somehow, they can move on from whatever it was that paralysed them. Ava, most of all, knows what it is to be stuck, frozen in place; she can never be the character who refuses to grow, even through pain, lest she condemns her spirit to the same fate her body is all too familiarised with. Those around her wise enough to let themselves be touched by her, by the dynamic power she carries, walk forth with her and live.
It says very little about "God" that Warrior Nun should adopt its heroine's views and seem "optimistic" as it progresses — but it speaks volumes about the values it presents for pondering, of the inspiration its protagonists provide, and of the multiple reasons why this is a story unlike most others.
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#warrior nun#ava silva#you know it's actually very funny to type this as someone who is very schopenhaurian with hints of nietzsche#but i AM doing the best i can too :)#again i will reiterate that i don't think this apparent optimism has anything to do with the classic theodicy#if anything i see it more as a cry in favour of antitheism -- this is YOUR life fuck god#life is shitty so carve out your own makeshift paradise out of the wreck you are given#and don't make things harder for anyone else in the process if you can avoid it#(but that might just be the luciferian in me speaking lol)#anywho this post is a translation of one i wrote not too long ago in cryptic english and a ton of tags#so if it seems familiar that's why#also i do find it rather telling that whenever i try to delve into how the show structures things i talk about ava#i don't set out to analyse her -- but in analysing the show i must analyse her as well if by the edges#which again points to how finely woven she is to the fabric of the entire thing#remember how i said ava is a representation of free will?#well this whole bringing good out of evil thing also touches upon it#saint augustine maintains that it is precisely free will that allows us to do it -- to choose good#of course he means it in a sense of being free to pursue god rather than evil but you see the parallel still works#(this is the post i mentioned in the last reblog. figured i'd go ahead and throw it in the wild since there are more brewing)#analysis and similar#exercises in observation
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Some recent wins:
-Sang loudly and off-key with my partner. We were both laughing to tears. I was sober.
-Found myself actually thinking about musical theatre today. For myself, for my own interest in it. I wasn't chasing it for a narc high, nor avoiding it due to a crash. It's been a long time since I've thought about my interests for my own sake.
-Invited my friends to hang out
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aethelwyneleigh27 · 3 months
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Realizations
Dad!Simon Ghost Riley x Wife!Reader
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Thank you guys so much for 1k, it means the whole world for me because now once did I expect to ever have my page grown this big and not once had I imagined that I would make these many friends here who happened to be so sweet. Also to @connorsui who has been most definitely been waiting the answer to this.
So in honor of 1k, I wrote this long awaited backstory for Ghost and Lovie (Ghostie's parents) that I hope you guys will enjoy since it so happens that our beloved @ave661 has posted another Dad!Ghost render. (Credits to her again for the renders in this post <3) (Sweetie, I love you but that tag on Soap with this render was unnecessary 😭🫶)
To the people who congratulated me, through replies, likes and reblogs, I owe y'all a fat kiss. Mwahhh <333
My CoD Masterlist
Taglist: @wishesforyou @puff0o0 @simp4konig @blingblong55 @azereus @rustic-guitar-notes @shadofireshinobi @09maruchan @anonymuslydumb @skeletalgoats @icarustypicalfall @ghosts-cyphera @cutenote @connorsui @capuccino192 @thesnowurzikdjinn @miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb @celestialhole @trepaika @starryylies @demidemon09
Warnings/Disclaimers: Stalking (not by Simon), Typical mentions of CoD violence?, Mentions of Simon's past abuse, Creepy guy?? (Not Simon), Mentions of violent and a bit gory descriptions on what wanted to do to the stalker, This is not proofread yet.
With the words of my mother and in true reputation style, Are you ready for it?
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I think I need to say this on my account again, English is NOT my first language and all copyrights regarding the plot and some characters within the storyline belong to me. Edit: please help me y'all, I'm losing so much relevance in the span of less than a month, my recent works have gotten nothing and I'm scared that this post proves that. I think I've learned my lesson never to take breaks ever again 😭
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Simon never imagined himself in this predicament, always thinking that he'd be out there somewhere, more likely drowning himself in a mission. Not even a home, he thought that if it hadn't for your persuasiveness to interact with him back then then he'd still be back in that shitty apartment complex.
Simon placed his duffle bag on the wood of the porch, the jingling of his keys while he looked for the correct one. He tried his best to make as little noise as possible, it was passed midnight, the last thing he would want was to disturb his wife and daughter from resting.
Hauling the duffle bag in and throwing it on the couch, Simon opt to see what his girls were up to. The giggling and commotion making him smile, you both were supposed to be asleep by now but you were unable to put her to rest because she's just too hyper, so that left you to entertain her by tossing her up and catching her.
"Dada..!" A squeal from the room came, the little one snapping her head to the opening of the door making you look as well, Simon took a peek from the half-way opened door.
Adorable little thing clapping her hands together, pleased that her dad is home while sitting on her mom. She got off, crawling near the edge of the bed with no sense of danger, fortunate for her that her dad is quick with catching her before you could.
You took a deep breath from the shock, looking at your husband and smiling sweetly at him. He asked you not to get off the bed as you were about to, laying next to you he snakes his arm underneath you on your waist and pulls you in.
"I missed my girls.." He said, voice deep and laced with exhaustion, despite that his hold and gaze was the warmest it could be.
"We missed you too Si, so much." You mumbled as your eyes flutter shut to enjoy his touch. You opened them to the sound of a kiss, he kissed the little one's forehead then yours.
Sometimes you vaguely remember the first time he and you met, how it even came to be, this life of domesticity. You, him and your little girl, family is a heavy word for Simon but it was just perfect. This was the family he wanted, the family that he thought he didn't deserve and never would have.
The feeling of coming home to all this started because you were so forgetful, who knew that would be the skill that brought you to him..?
• ──── ✦ ──── •
He emptied his pockets, to the lieutenant's dismay, the box of cigarettes only had one stick left. Since he was going out to smoke it anyway, he might as well get another box from the convenience store nearby. He took his keys from the kitchen counter and headed out, hearing a little commotion that peeked his interest.
Simon never paid much mind to whatever was going on within his apartment building despite the many gossips that were present within the building and the renters. So it happens that the old lady next to his place mentions how they'll be a new tenant in the other apartment next to his.
'Thank God' Simon thought, not that he was particularly religious but he'd been hoping for the longest time for the former renter to leave because let's be honest, who wants to live next to a frat boy with no sense of shame or consideration given that walls are thin? Little did he know he'd be blessed with the next one..
"Oh- I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to.." Simon hears a voice from a little below him, he'd only register what had happened after the fact. Poor girl carrying this box bumped into him a little too hard, so much so that she stumbled back a bit.
You stared up to the 6'4 man blinking, he only shrugged it off to which you smiled to. You tried to make small talk since you were new and it wouldn't hurt to at least know one person right? After all, you were trying to step out a bit of your comfort zone.
"Hi.. I'm [Name].." He only stared at you for a while and replied, "Simon.." you gave him a warm smile before nodding and continuing to bring the boxes into your new apartment while your new neighbor entered the elevator.
You cut the boxes open to start unpacking, a few minutes in and you decided to go on a short break, you rummaged through the small box of food only to find that the recently bought box of tea was empty. You sighed at this, humming as you remembered the convenience store you passed by earlier on the way to the apartment.
Taking your keys and locking the door behind you, you made your way out the complex and walked a few blocks, you only started to notice how late it was with the streetlights coming on even though the sun is only about to set. That's something to get used to, hmm?
The cool breeze hits your skin as you enter, scent of faint instant coffee and many other kinds of foods and products made themselves known. You walked around for a while, checking on what other things you might need but then you tried to remind yourself that you were saving up and on a budget so you took a box of tea and walked up to the register.
You heard footsteps behind you falling in line, after placing the box on the counter, you searched your pockets for your wallet.
'Shit..!' you cursed yourself out mentally trying not to panic as Simon basically watches you frantically patting your pockets, you left your wallet back at the apartment. "You left your wallet-" Simon stated the obvious, "I'll cover it.." there wasn't even a time to argue with him, he just stepped next to you and placed the pack of cigarettes.
"I'll pay you back as soon as we get back to the apartment" You insisted to which Simon only shrugged and declined, it's just a box of tea and it's not like it'll make him go bankrupt, besides he liked your taste, the one you got happened to be his favorite brand.
Since you were headed in the same place anyway, you and Simon walked back together side by side, however one thing you did find odd was when he gently took you wrist and pulled you inward next to him, he was the one now closest to the road.
The walk back was silent, a comfortable silence. A few days after that encounter, you made sure to make an effort for him to know that you appreciated his gesture back at the convenience store. The lieutenant was alarmed by the knock on his door, opening it to find no person but a tupperware filled with buttery shortbread cookies.
He smiled at how tiny the plastic container looked in his hands, how he noticed the note attached "Thanks for the tea, this isn't that special but I hope you like it -[Name]" and the Sanrio themed stickers stuck onto the lid and on the top part of the tiny note. You ran out of sticky notes..
Simon found himself snacking on those cookies later on, oddly enough, they reminded him of his mom.. how she used to love baking back then, it was her way of escape whenever Simon's "father" wasn't home, as well as gardening.
For the first time in a while Simon "Ghost" Riley let out a smile that wasn't smug or a smirk but a genuine smile, one that had warmth to it, one that no matter how hard his mind tried to surppress it, his body refused to.
It didn't take long for you and Simon to get to know each other a bit, little by little it seemed like you two were becoming like friends rather than just neighbors. Let's be honest, who just randomly gives their neighbors weekly baked goods for the sole reason of "just because they wanted to"?
You found yourself always looking forward to the Friday nights chilling with him at the rooftop, mugs with hot tea on hand while he smoked and you read.
Listening to his stupid jokes and remarks that slowly turn into deep conversations and life things. Simon was just... far more open than he's ever been, sure he's talked about his day before to his comrades but never like this, not in a way where he's pouring his heart out, letting you in on how he feels about certain things.
He just got back from a mission, a rough one to be exact. Shoulders slumped from exhaustion as he walked the streets near the apartment complex, no space for his bike so he had to leave it somewhere private while he fidgeted with it's keys.
Simon swore that he almost jumped out of his own body, first instinct being to push you off but he recognized you. He gave you a questioning look, hands were shaking as you so desperately linked you arm around his.
"Hmm?" He hummed, hearing you mumbling something but it was incoherent to his ears.
"Behind us.. please Si, help..." Come to think if it, you never knew when Simon turned into Si. Best believe he knew and still remembers when perfectly.. not the time, there's a serious threat, he didn't look. He didn't need to, guessing by the heavy footsteps, some creep decided to follow you at this hour.
He slowly slipped his arm away from your grip and snaked it around your waist, pulling you in closer to his side while the two of you continued treading closer to the complex. You closed your eyes for a few seconds at a time hoping it would end.
• ──── ✦ A few days later ✦ ──── •
Knocking, frantic knocking was what Simon heard at his door. He wasn't expecting anyone, so why the sudden visit? He opened the door and saw you, Simon knew something was off from the look on your face, you looked pale as if you were sick to your stomach while trying so desperately to catch your breath.
"Can I please come in.. Simon..?" You asked in between breaths. You looked around you, especially behind you, body shivering a bit. He took notice of this and had no hesitation, he pulled you in by your arm. His grip firm but gentle, Simon closed the door behind him.
"Remember that guy who was creeping around when I asked for your help..?" You tried to explain but Simon already knew the moment your mouth opened. You had a stalker.. it was best to call the cops on shit like this.
Simon did his best even though not knowing much about how to comfort someone, he did well in making you feel safe without having to tell you that he'll do so, you just know it in your gut that he'd protect you even if it's just now.
Your breath picked up, slowly backing away from the door as you heard footsteps, clenching your fists and hoping that he didn't see you enter Simon's door. Simon wrapped his arms around you, keeping you in place and from further backing away from the door.
You felt his palm drag up and down your back, it was extremely warm, it stopped for a while. His arm wrapped around your waist, other hand in your hair pushing your head down a bit so it was buried in his chest while you gripped his shirt. Simon felt your trembling body against him slowly relax.
"Deep breaths, angel.." The nickname he whispered would've made you smile under any other circumstance but not right now, you needed to calm your nerves before you panic and make an impulsive decision that could hurt yourself. Like instructed, you followed along Simon's demonstration, pressing his forehead onto yours maybe just a bit too intimately.
You winced at the loud sound of banging on the door, you knew it too well. Simon shoved the handle of his combat knife in your hand, he told you that if anything were to happen, protect yourself with it.
As soon as the Lieutenant swung the door open, you could hear punches, things knocking over and among other things, your stalker's voice.
You'd never forget that, how pitchy it was. Nails on the chalkboard was the best way to describe it, how the man was cackling almost made you annoyed. Simon called on security and the man was dealt with, you came out from hiding and saw both fear and anger in Simon's eyes.
You would never know how much he wanted to tear that man's heart after skinning him alive for even bringing fear into your eyes.
Simon "I care too much for someone I just met" Riley finally saw how his knuckles and fingernails were caked with blood, went off to go wash it and himself.
Getting back to you after half an hour, you reached out for him only for him to withdraw, you looked at him confused and he looks at you with pure guilt..
Your eyes widened in realization, "Oh Simon.. I'm not scared.." you smiled at him. He reached out a shaky hand to you, hesitating before closing his hand back.
You took his hand in yours, bringing it up to your lips and giving it a small kiss, hoping it calms his nerves. Well it did the opposite, it even more overwhelming for him having you kiss his palm while you look up at him, watching you nudge your face into his palm so invitingly.
The way your lashes just sat perfectly atop your cheeks while you slowly blinked up at him. Pressing the same scarred and calloused hands that almost killed a man that night on your face and rubbing the back with you thumb.
Simon had never felt that much guilt before for hurting someone, only after he saw the look in your eyes, which in turn were not something he caused. For the first time in his life too, Simon was comforted by something or rather someone immensely..
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spookysteddie · 4 months
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That Friday Night
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Modern!Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Influencer!fem!reader
read part one here
18+ MINORSDNI
cw: alcohol, drugs (weed and cocaine), clubbing, slight Dom!Eddie if you squint, possessive!Eddie, swearing, pet names, oral (fem!receiving), light choking, unprotected sex, penetrative sex, edging, creampie. (let me know if I missed anything)
wc: 4.3k (I'm so sorry)
a/n: First of all, I want to thank every single person who liked, reblogged or made comments about part one. I was shitting myself posting it because (like I said) this is not an original thought. I'd read a few and it gave me this wave of inspiration. I am very proud of this part. It's also a little long (sorry sorry sorry I couldn't stop) . Also I don't think I'll be doing a tag list? When I used to do that no one on the list would like the fic and it was a lot of work. I hope that is okay? Let me know if you want more! I love and appreciate all of you!
...
You weren’t the type of person who got shy. Your entire job is being in front of a camera, telling people what you like, what you wear, the type of music you listen to. You did brand deals and went on lots of trips with people you didn’t know. Public interaction was easy for you and you definitely enjoyed it. 
But being personally invited to your favorite band's concert (even if you had tickets already) as their frontman's personal guest? It makes you weak in the knees. 
Telling your team about the phone call went about as good as one would expect. Anna and Case frown at you while continuing to say ‘you could’ve let it go to voicemail and we could’ve handled it directly with his people. AND why did you have him send the information directly to you?’
They weren't necessarily wrong in being upset. There were plenty of ways a conversation like that could be twisted and fucked with, especially if, for whatever reason, someone was recording the phone call. It was very easy for them to manipulate and edit that kind of shit, and drama was the last thing you wanted. 
However, the rest of the week went by without an issue. The gossip magazines had moved on to something else (though there were a few who continued to speculate about your non-relationship with Eddie. You did your deals, and kept yourself busy. And by the time Friday rolled around you were hardly nervous. 
Or that’s what you kept telling yourself. 
“Bell bottom star pants. Absolutely,” Hana says from her place on your bathroom counter, practically in the sink. “With that black leather top you love AND the red leather jacket. Oh! Oh! Oh! And the red boots!” 
You put the outfit on, looking in the mirror, “you don’t think it’s too… stereotypical?” 
Hana looks at you through the mirror, “no such thing. You look great.” 
Hana was one of the few people in your life who’d tell you like it is. You could trust her to tell you if her gut feelings were off, or on. She was your best friend and one of the few people who weren’t just here for the exposure. She’s here to be your cheerleader and you were hers. 
“Alright, let's get this going before I change my mind which I am two seconds away from doing.” 
… 
You should’ve changed your mind. 
You can hardly keep from throwing up as you're led by security to a private entrance. To get there you have to pass by their tour buses. All you can hear is loud music and whooping from inside. It’s clear they’re running around in there as the bus is rocking and all you can do is pray they don’t see you. 
You’re far too sober for the interaction you’ll be having at this current time. 
Unfortunately for you, the universe hates you. Just when you think you’re home free, the door opens, almost smacking you in the face. 
“Don’t think you can get away that easy, Asher,” Eddie says as he looks down at you. His pupils are blown wide, clearly from whatever drug he’s consumed. More than likely cocaine and weed. His words aren’t slurred so he isn’t drunk, though he does have a beer bottle in his large hands. 
God his hands, there have been many times where you’d imagine them wrapped around your throat, cutting off air as he fucks you like he hates you. You bet he could reach you even as he’s eating you out, he’s so tall and long. 
You wish you could say the grin you shoot at him is fake, however with the way he’s looking at you, like he wants to devour and smother you, it's not. You feel like a fucking school girl who has a crush. Your heart pounds so fast in your chest and you swear everyone around you can hear it. 
“We weren’t running away,” you say, voice a little breathier than you’d like. “Um this is my best friend-” 
“Hana, nice to meet you,” he cuts you off. It’s then that you see his eyes get wide and you know he’s been stalking your profile. Not that you can say anything because you’ve done it… a lot. “I, uh, saw the instagram story you put up earlier.” 
Hana smirks, “sure you did, big boy.” She pats his chest and is clearly much braver than you. That’s another thing about you and her, if one of you is feeling not confident, the other makes up for it. Like, on your own, asking for ketchup feels like cutting off a limb, but if she can't do it then it's up to you and vice versa. 
Eddie scratches the back of his neck, his black t-shirt stretching over his wide shoulder, “want to join us? We have alcohol!” 
“We would love that. Wouldn’t we?” Hana looks down at you with her brows raised, still taller than you in heels. 
You nod, “yes. Yeah absolutely! Are we allowed to photograph in here?” 
You know it’s a stupid thing to ask, but you also don’t want to take a photo of you and Hana and then not be able to post it. And what if you get photos with the rest of the band? Everyone already knows you’re going to be here. Just not… in this tour bus. 
Eddie nods, holding out his hand, “you are allowed to do whatever you want, pretty girl. And if anyone has an issue, send them my way, yeah?” He kisses the hand you’ve placed in his before leading you up the stairs of his bus. 
It's chaos in there, pure and utter chaos. You turn to look at Hana, silently telling her how insane this is. She nods slightly, but you see the grin on her face. Hana loves this stuff; the parties, the madness, all of it.
Eddie introduces you to the band, pulling you in closer by the waist. “You all need to be on your best behavior. No one touches her. Do you all understand me?” Your heart flutters at how serious he is and it instantly forces his bandmates eyes to fall to your feet. It’s impressive, actually. 
Suddenly, a bottle of beer is in your hands, passed to you by Eddie. “Oh… thank you.” You can hardly look at him as a small smile forms on your lips. His attention makes you feel all kinds of funny inside, your stomach doing flips. You know you have to look at him eventually, but he’s just so pretty that it actually hurts. 
“Um, so are you excited for your show?” This time you manage to actually drag your eyes to his. He smiles at you, his teeth so beautiful and perfect. It’s when he sits down that you realize that was a stupid question. Of course he’s excited. This is his actual job. 
He leans forward, elbows resting on his knees as he looks up at you through his lashes, you could kiss him. But you don’t for obvious reasons. Reasons you can't really think of at the moment. Not when he’s looking at you like that.  The beer bottle hangs in his right hand between his legs. 
“Very. Not much comes close to the feeling I get when we’re on that stage.” He shakes his head, curly hair moving with him, “plus, being able to hear people sing my songs back to me is fucking incredible.” 
His hand finds yours, pulling you a little closer. Eddie is testing the waters, you know this. Unfortunately for you, your brain can’t see through the cloud of lust. So, you let him pull you closer, sit you on his lap, and wrap an arm around you. 
Your brain does catch up, quicker than expected. “It seems like it’d be incredible. I applaud you cause I could never do that. I have stage fright.” 
He blinks up at you, “stage fright? Haven’t you done red carpet interviews and stuff?” 
You shift a little, shrugging, “well yes. But that’s different.” You can't stop the awkward laugh that comes out of you. It was true, it was different. You weren’t exactly sure why but it was. 
Eddie's thumb moves along your side slightly and it leaves goosebumps in its wake. 
“I’m being honest, the lights are so bright that I can’t see everyone in the crowds. Mainly just the front rows. Makes it easier.” 
Eddie puts his beer bottle on the ground by his feet before sitting up and grabbing a joint. He’s quiet as he lights it, puffing out smoke to get it going. “Want some?” 
He holds the joint towards you, waiting for your answer. You’ve done this before at the frat houses at college. You’ve done it here and there in high school as well. This is second nature, but this time you’re nervous. What if you forget how to inhale? What if you throw up? Any number of things can happen. 
Something happens inside you and your brain finally catches up to itself. A small stroke of confidence happens and without taking your eyes off of him, you lean forward, wrapping your lips around the joint and inhaling. His eyes stay locked on yours, his tongue wetting his lips. You pull back, slowly blowing out the smoke. 
“Fuckin’ hell.” It comes out in a whisper and you know he didn’t mean to say it out loud. His eyes falling from your eyes, to your lips and back again. 
God you want to kiss him. His pillowy lips would feel amazing against yours, you just know it. You start to lean into him, desperate to know if you’re right.   
A bang on the door scares the fuck out of the both of you and Eddies boot knocks over his bottle. It’s a good thing he drank most of it, the contents not spilling on the plush carpet. 
“Let’s get going guys. Put your dicks back in your pants, we have a show to do.” You know that voice, that’s their manager. He’s the one who called your people to make sure you had all the rules for this evening. 
Photos are fine. 
Everyone must be tagged. 
Nothing negative. 
Absolutely no photos of any white substances. Even if it’s sugar. 
That last one would be hard considering it was on every flat surface in neat, clean lines. 
You go to stand up, but Eddie stops you, his hand tightening on your hip. “Promise I’ll see ya after?” 
You nod, “y-yeah of course.” 
Before you know it, his lips are on yours. The kiss is soft, sweet and you don’t want it to end. In fact, you totally forget about all the other people in the room. Your hands find his face, pulling him closer as his tongue begs for permission. And once you grant it, it’s game over. 
He tastes like beer and weed and cigarettes and you love it. You want more. You want to get closer. 
But it’s not long before the door to his trailer opens up, his manager stepping into the bus. “I said get your dicks and tongues together. We cannot be late.” 
… 
By the time the show is over you barely have a voice, and you’re sure you’ve never been more turned on in your life. It might seem silly to say, but Eddie's kiss lingered the entire show and all you want is more. 
Back stage the band is still running on adrenaline, drinking water for once to try and refuel for the rest of the night. The rest of the night being a club that they frequent. A club you don’t go to because of that exact reason. 
“Ohhhhh! There's the prettiest girls I’ve ever laid eyes on!” Eddie's voice booms as security goes to double check you and Hana. “Hey! Leave them alone. They’re with me.” 
Security stands back, hands raise like he knows it’ll cause more issues if he doesn’t. You almost feel bad for the poor guy, he was just trying to do his job. Like what if you had a bomb or something? 
“C’mon we gotta get outta here.” He laces his fingers with yours before he pulls you along with him. You look over your shoulder, catching Hana's eyes. 
Go! She mouths, hanging off Gareth's arm. I’ll meet you there! 
And so, you go. Are you nervous? Yes absolutely. Are you going to pretend you aren’t and have some confidence? Yes. Fake it till you make it right?
Eddie opens the door to the car, extending a hand, “ladies first.” 
You grin at him as you elegantly slide into the car, “wow. I didn’t know you were such a gentle man.” This time when you giggle, it's cute and self assured. 
“Yes, I have been told my entire life that I look,” he slides in sucking in a soft, thinking breath, “mean and scary.” 
“You look like a doberman but they’re precious babies.” You mean it too. He looks a little mean and scary, especially in the red lights of the stage. Not to mention the “devil music” (says the media) which can get a little dark. But that’s what makes it great, in your opinion. Plus, he does look like doberman. Like he could probably kill you but would actually not? 
“‘Precious babies?’” 
You nod, “mhm! I grew up with them. Very sweet and love kisses. Oh! And they each had their own comfort toys.” 
“Then maybe I am one because I do love kisses.” He’s closer now, his breath fanning over your face. He still smells like beer and cigarettes mixed in with the smell of his cologne. 
It’s your turn to close the gap and planting your lips on his. The kiss is hotter, more intense. One could argue it’s because of the alcohol swimming in your system that makes you so bold. You’re buzzed, but not drunk. It isn’t long before his hands are in your hair, tugging. It makes you moan in his mouth, opening up to him. 
He sits back, his hands in your hair pulling you with him, making you sit in his lap. Your legs rest on either side of his hips, your cunt nestled right against the bulge in his pants. He couldn’t hide it even if he wanted to. You test the waters by rocking your hips, the friction being so sweet that you’re the one who lets out a moan. 
“God, that is the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.” He kisses down your neck, nipping and sucking as he goes. “Should record it and use it in our next song.” 
You hum and grin, “I wouldn’t mind that. Always wanted to be in a song. Can’t sing though.”  
He nips at your ear, “that’s my job baby.” 
Eddie's large hand grips your hips, stopping your movements. You want to whine, you want to protest. You were so fucking close. 
“We’ll save that for when we're back at my place.” 
You grin and kiss along his jaw, “who says I’m going back to your place?” 
“The way you were just grindin’ against my cock, angel.” He grins, “also with how you’re lookin’ at me.” 
“And how am I looking at you? Hmm?” 
“Like you want me to fuck you while your brain leaks out your cunt.” 
You shudder at the crudeness of his words. No one has ever spoken to you like that and looked like him. The car stopping in front of the club saves you from trying to come up with an answer. One you know will either be embarrassing or non-existent. 
He looks over at the paparazzi that is waiting and sighs, “are we going in together or…” 
The decision you make is quick. If you’re going to do this, even for one night, you’re going to do it together and let them talk. You give him a quick kiss, “together. Give ‘em something to talk about, yeah?” 
So, you do. 
The second you’re out of the car, cameras flash and photographers call out a mix of your name and his and you can hardly understand what they’re saying. You don’t stop to pose, letting them only photograph you and him walking hand and hand. Give them crumbs as your manager says. Once you’re in the club, not even needing to show an ID or give a name. 
From there the night happens in a blur. The band has the VIP section where bottles of expensive liquor are brought over by women dressed in a bikini. You know how much all of this costs (more than you can afford that’s for sure) but you also know that all of this is on Eddie and the bands tab. He’s told you six times. 
So you drink. And you smoke. And you watch pretty white lines disappear, most of which disappear up Eddie's nose. Of course you take videos, vlogging your night and making sure to follow all the rules that were set prior to this meeting. Taking photos to remember the night. Hana is having a blast, taking shots like it’s her job and making out with Gareth in between. Of course she takes photos with you, sitting in your lap and giggling so much the photos come out blurry. But those are your favorite kinds of photos. 
“Dance with me?” Eddie says in your ear over the music. 
You take the shot that is in your hands, “lead the way.” 
The second you’re surrounded by sweaty bodies you feel invisible. You’re sure someone has cameras on you and him but at the moment you don’t care. 
Your hips move to the music, back against Eddie's chest while his hands explore your body. His lips move against your neck, sucking a dark mark into it that you know you’ll struggle to cover later. Again, you don’t care. What you do care about is the hardness that you feel against your back. 
You spin around, grinning up at him. God he’s so fucking tall you have to tilt your head up a good bit to look at him. 
“We should get out of here,” you say as he pulls you into him. 
He smirks, “thought you weren’t coming back to my place sweetheart.” 
“Seems I told a fib. Now, I need you to take me home and fuck me like you hate me.” 
It’s all he needs before he’s grabbing you by the hand and pulling you out of the club. The car is there and he quickly pulls you into the back seat. Once those doors are closed, the window tint so dark you couldn’t see inside if you tried, his mouth his on yours. Your stomach flips and the neediness you feel coming off of him. He pulls you till you’re straddling him, legs on either side of his hips. Not really the safest but at this point, all you need is his lips on you. 
The ride to Eddie’s consists of lots of kissing, so much so that you know your lips are swollen. You don’t get to see much of Eddie’s house, too focused on getting inside the house and into his bedroom. He drags you up the stairs, your hand is his. And once you’re in his room, he has you pressed up against his bedroom door. 
“You’re so fucking hot, baby.” Eddie pushes your jacket off your shoulders while he speaks, his words going straight to your clit. Your mind can barely comprehend that Eddie Munson, the man you’ve had a crush on since they were considered an ‘underground band,’ is currently taking off your clothes. 
You do the same to him, pushing his leather jacket to the ground before tugging at the ends of his shirt and pulling it over his head. “Me? You are so beautiful.” 
He hums, popping the button on your jeans, “should we take a poll on who's prettier? Winner takes the loser on a date?” 
That makes you laugh, “sounds like a deal. But first, you need to fuck me.” 
His eyes nearly go black at that and before you can think, he’s throwing you on this bed. You land with a small oomph. You decide to take a little initiative, pulling off your boots, scooting off your pants and pulling off your top. 
Eddie watches, rapt and almost possessed, his eyes scanning your partially naked body. It’s not anything more than someone would see if you posted in a bathing suit, but you can’t help but feel nervous that he isn’t going to like you. 
He quickly puts those fears (fears he knows nothing about) to rest as he settles between your legs. His eyes don’t leave yours as he kisses up your thighs. You know there is a wet patch on your underwear and you know he can see it. You do feel embarrassed about it, but at the same time, Eddie is slightly rutting against the bed so he must like it. Right? 
You can feel your body heat as he gets closer and closer to your center. 
“Eddie, please don’t tease me.” Never have you begged a man. Typically whoever you were in bed with did the begging, much to your dislike. You were desperate for someone to take charge. Now you know why they didn’t. One bruise and they get shit from all your followers. Even if you tell them to leave these men alone. 
But Eddie? He wasn’t afraid. 
“But it’s so much fun to watch you squirm.” 
You huff, squirming exactly like he said as he sits up to pull your underwear down your legs before setting back between them. “Need you to touch me.” 
He licks a stripe up your slit, sucking on your clit as he gets to the top. The sound that falls from your lips is beautiful, sweeter than the sound you made in the car. Now Eddie really wants to put you in a song, but the jealous, primal side of him never wants someone else to be able to hear your moans. 
In fact, he doesn’t want to think about any of the other men who’ve heard you make these sounds. Murder wasn't really on his list of things he enjoyed. Bar fights? Yes. Murder? No. 
“You make the prettiest sounds, sweetheart. S’very hot.”  He slides two fingers inside you with little resistance, curling them up to hit the spongy spot inside you. The stretch feels good, your hips moving on their own, riding Eddie's fingers. 
You're close, the build up of this moment really getting closer than you originally thought. “Squeezin’ my fingers so tight, baby. Are you close?” 
You nod, afraid if you speak you’ll say something ridiculous. 
But that isn’t good enough for Eddie. “Words.” 
“V-very.” 
That was clearly the wrong thing to say because he pulls his fingers from inside you, the emptiness making you gasp, “no! No, no, no I was so close!” 
He laughs as he pushes his pants and boxers off his body. “Exactly. Want you to cum with my cock inside you.” 
You look down between your bodies and your eyes widen. He was big and you accidentally voice what you’re thinking, “fuck… not gonna fit.” 
His laugh drags your eyes back to him, his cock moving through your slick and bumping your clit. “Baby you are so wet that I have no doubt it’ll fit.”  
You don’t have time to be embarrassed about it because Eddie is pushing inside you. The size of him stretching you makes you feel like he’s going to split you in half. But you don’t care, the burn just turns you on more and more and before you know it he’s seated inside you fully. 
“Fuck, Eddie.” 
Eddie is panting, trying to keep still so he doesn’t cum before he wants to. “Feel so fuckin’ good, sweetheart. A man could become obsessed with this pussy.” 
He moves right as you begin to speak, nearly knocking the air out of your lungs. He feels like he’s everywhere. “W-witchcraft” 
He fucks you harder, his cock hitting your cervix. You’re definitely going to have a bruise there but it's so worth it. 
“Didn’t know you were into dark shit. S’my schtick.” 
You wrap your legs around him, orgasm building again, “more alike than you originally thought huh?” 
He wraps a tattooed hand around your throat, squeezing gently and making your head spin, “oh, angel, I knew how alike we were the second you told everyone how bad you wanted to fuck me.” 
“C-can you blame me? Knew you’d fuck me just h-how I like.” 
You clench around him making him hiss, “yeah you need someone who will take control huh?” 
The hand around your neck slides down your body till he finds your clit, circling it. 
“Oh god! Please.” 
“I can get used to you prayin’ to me.” His thrusts are losing rhythm (something he’s usually very good at keeping) and you know he’s close. “Cum baby. I need it.” 
And it’s all you need to fall over the cliff and into bliss. He follows you, coming inside you while you squeeze around him. You both moan each other's names and you sigh as you come down. 
Eddie breaks the silence first, “that was… amazing.” 
You hum in agreement as he slides out of you and curls up beside you. You take a moment before getting up and cleaning up in the bathroom. When you come back Eddie has left out an old Corroded Coffin t-shirt and some boxers. And once they’re on, you slide back into his bed, laying your head on his chest.
“We should put that poll up, huh? I’m itching to win this bet.” Eddie laughs as he says it and before you know it, you two are finding a photo the both of you like and posting it on your story with the caption, ‘which one is prettier? Honesty is the best policy.’ 
“And now… we wait.”
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fairyhaos · 7 months
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How To Fucking Write: a guide by fairyhaos
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[masterlist]
this post details:
DIALOGUING INTERESTINGLY
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hi gays and gals! the first post on starting and pacing a story did really well, so "how to fucking write" is back, with yet more advice and tips for everyone ^^ please feel free to let me know if there's something you want me talk about, because i'll be more than willing to see if i can help. also a reminder that i have a taglist for this series as well, and please reblog if you find this helpful :)
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# - HOW TO DIALOGUE.
.. bullet point one : grammar
okay guys, as a native english speaker, i'll be the first to tell you that this language fucking sucks in terms of its grammar, but when it comes to dialogue, understanding how it works even to some extent will help you branch out and vary the way you write dialogue, which makes it so much more interesting.
with dialogue tags (said, asked, etc) if the punctuation mark in the dialogue is not a ! or ? then it should be a comma.
example : [junhui + castle]
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as you can see in the first line, a comma is used rather than a full stop, because the sentence hasn't been finished yet. there's a dialogue tag, ('you correct'), that comes after it. and since the pronoun 'you' isn't a proper noun (i.e. a name) then it shouldn't be capitalised, because, again, the sentence hasn't been finished.
with action tags however, (he smiled, he stood up, etc) then it should be a full stop.
example : [i just made one up bc i don't use this a lot lmao]
"I disagree." He stood up, and walked over to close the door. "This isn't safe. You shouldn't go alone."
and now, since there is a full stop, it indicates that the speech is a sentence all by itself. that means the next word ('He') ought to be capitalised.
but the key part when grammar-ing dialogue in order to make it interesting depends on where you put the action and grammar tags.
if you constantly have lines that are just:
"dialogue," he said.
"dialogue," she said.
"dialogue but a bit longer," he said.
... then it can get repetitive, and annoying. by varying your dialogue structure, it can create more interesting dialogue.
example : [minghao + password]
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there's a variety of dialogue and action tags being used with each line of dialogue, preventing everything from sounding too repetitive.
the first line starts with a normal sentence, and an action tag. the second is a standalone line of dialogue with no tags. the second has the action tag in the middle of the dialogue. and the last has a dialogue tag in the middle of the dialogue.
by varying the ways in which you write your dialogue, it makes everything a lot more interesting.
.. bullet point two : verbs and adverbs
the easiest way to make dialogue interesting, though, is to use fancy words.
this can be by replacing 'said' with a range of other dialogue tags (see this really comprehensive list for a whole variety of different words), but i'd advise against overusing these. 'said' is your friend! it's the invisible dialogue tag, helps your reader read through your dialogue in comfort, but of course, if you wanna add a nuanced way of describing the dialogue, then replacing 'said' is the easiest way to make your dialogue interesting.
but don't overuse these. for me, i'd focus on action tags and adverbs.
use interesting adverbs that add description to how a character is saying something can go miles. and using action tags that break through what could have been a long section of characters just talking? it helps so much.
i'd recommend having onelook thesaurus open as you write. you don't have to type in just words: phrases, the overall vibes of the word you're thinking of, all of that can be typed into the thesaurus and they'll provide you with pretty good results each time.
it also really helps when you've forgotten a word and can only remember vague bits of what the word should feel like.
.. bullet point three : voices
the best way, however, is ultimately to create a character. write a personality for them, bring them to life, think about the way in which they would talk and then put that down onto paper.
it's difficult, perhaps the most difficult to do, because it's also so tricky to advise someone on how to do this. it's all about the character you want to create, the personality you envision for them, and the only person who can fully write that is you.
however, i would find a few 'ticks' of theirs and use them as indicators in your writing.
for example, in my seoksoo long fic, seokmin's tick is that he always "chirps" what he's saying. and beams. a lot. this identifies his character, makes him unique(ish), and establishes his personality and differs him to the other characters.
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but ultimately, it comes down to word choices, when you're writing a character voice.
like, your character describing something with elegant, floral language vs them going "this is so pretty". or perhaps making them stumble over their words when they're panicked vs them simply just going silent when they're flustered.
it's about being specific. about making choices with your words that would have english teachers analyse and unpick your writing, hundreds of years later.
(even if it's fanfic. especially if it's fanfic: because who knows how many fans may join your fandom in the next few years?)
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... and that's it ! if anyone has anything else they want advice on (how to structure, how to write dialogue, how to plan etc) then just shoot me an ask, because i'd love to help however i can :)
tagging (comment/send ask to be added!): @selenicives @stqrrgirle @weird-bookworm @eternalgyu @blue-jisungs (tough luck guys btw but youre gonna be tagged in this entire series ehehehe)
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sanguineterrain · 1 year
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it's a feeling that's fine - s.h.
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Summary: You accidentally climb the wrong fence on the hottest day of May. It turns out to be the best thing that's ever happened to you.
Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader
Word count: 10.6k
Warnings/tags: no use of y/n, no physical descriptions, etc. reader is in a toxic friendship; she's slightly bullied in that indirect mean girl way, but the toxic friendship ends. reader cuts her finger by accident. drinking and drug mentions. fluff, humor, strangers to friends to lovers, summer vibes, so many princess bride references. steve is super duper sweet!!! post s4 volume 2.
A/N: so if you wondered where i've been for the last two months.... it was in a cave writing this fic. i'm really proud of this one; the reader is a little different than how i usually write, but i hope you'll like her all the same :) if you enjoy this fic, please please let me know through comments/reblogs!
divider by firefly-graphics
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Today is hot. 
Weatherman Dale had said this morning that today is a record high for May. It’s so hot, in fact, that Debbie Wellerman had called you this morning asking if you wanted to come swim in her pool. 
You’d asked if you could dig for worms in her yard. She’d sighed and hung up. You hope that means yes. Joan has been in need of some company. Worms would be good for her.
You go around Debbie’s house and stop at the back gate. The Wellermans are kind of mean and they don’t like it when you take too many cucumber sandwiches. To avoid them, you’ve taken to going through the back gate whenever Debbie invites you over. It works pretty well.
Except today, the gate is locked. Which is weird, because Debbie usually leaves it open. It’s how her boyfriend, Brett, sneaks in during the day, and how Brett’s brother, Chet, sneaks in at night. 
You’d asked once why the brothers come over separately. Debbie had gotten mad and kicked you out without giving you any ice cream. You don’t ask about Brett and Chet anymore.
The problem is that you’re wearing flip flops, which are not ideal for climbing fences. Or anything, really. You once climbed a jungle gym in flip flops and skinned both knees. 
You slip off your flip flops and fling them over the fence. They land a second later, clapping against the ground. The fence is covered in climbing ivy and tiny red flowers you’ve never seen before. You wonder how Debbie made them grow so fast.
The street is empty, which is nice. Sometimes people in Loch Nora like to yell at people who don’t also live in Loch Nora. 
The fence wood is hot but not so hot that you can’t touch it. You stick your feet in the little grooves and start to climb. It’s not too high of a fence, but it’s high enough to warn people who don’t belong here.
That’s never stopped you, though.
Getting over is trickier. You expect Debbie to see you by now, but there’s no sound. She must be inside, or maybe she’s out and forgot she’s invited you. She does that sometimes.
Wood dust clings to your fingers and the soles of your feet. When you’re a foot from the ground, you hop down. Then you turn.
There’s no sign of Debbie. There is, however, a boy.
He’s reclined on an inflatable blue ring floaty in the middle of the pool. He wears sunglasses and red board shorts with little white anchors on them. 
He has very pretty hair, both on his head and chest. He also has pretty lips. And arms. All of him is pretty, really. You wish you could see his face properly. He probably has a nice face too. Symmetrical and kind.
The area around the pool is paved just like at Debbie’s—only it’s a lot larger than you remember. There's a patch of dirt next to the gate. You go and crouch at the edge. You don't see any worms. Probably because it's so hot. You'd stay underground too if you were a worm.
You stand and turn to look at the boy again. He looks like he might be asleep. 
“Did Debbie invite you?” you ask.
The boy shoots up from the floaty. The shift in weight makes him lose his balance and he topples into the water a moment later. The floaty flips with him. 
He resurfaces almost immediately, spitting water and rubbing chlorine from his eyes. You squint.
Yes, you were right. He does have a very nice face.
The water comes up to his waist. He pushes his hair back in handfuls, blinking. Then he fishes his sunglasses out with his foot and sets them on his head. 
“Can you swim?” you ask.
He stares at you, blinking.
“What?” he says after a beat. 
“Can you swim?” you repeat.
“Uh, yeah? Yes, of course I can swim.”
"It would be bad luck if you couldn’t.”
His brows furrow.
“Because I can't swim,” you clarify.
“I wouldn’t be in the pool if I couldn’t swim,” he says.
“That’s good thinking.”
You sit at the edge of the pool and dip your calves in. He wades closer until he’s about three feet away.
“How did you get here?” he asks.
“I walked.”
“I mean, how did you get in my backyard?”
“Oh. I climbed the fence.” 
You peer closer. He looks familiar, but you can’t quite place him. 
“Are you Brett and Chet’s triplet?” you ask. “You’re a lot prettier than them. Did their mother feed you extra vitamins?"
His eyes go wide. “Uh… Brett and Chet Kingsley?”
“Uh-huh. Debbie invites both of them over, but never at the same time.”
“Who's—they don’t have a triplet.”
“That’s good. Three’s bad luck.”
“My house number has a three in it,” he says.
“Don’t step on any sidewalk cracks,” you warn.
He tilts his head, tongue poking out like he’s sizing you up. You let him, focusing on his face instead. He has dark, warm eyes the color of black tea. His shoulders are toned with lots of freckles on them. He looks like a boy who’d like Debbie, not you. 
“Is Debbie going to be back soon?” you ask. You don’t want to get attached to a boy who’ll just end up wanting Debbie instead. You've made that mistake before.
“Um… if you’re talking about Debbie Wellerman, she lives on the next block over. I’m Steve Harrington.”
“Oh. You’re the guy who fought the monsters.”
He eyes you warily. “Wh—how do you know about the monsters?”
"Who doesn't?" 
Steve opens his mouth, then closes it. 
“You can’t tell anyone," he finally says. 
You shrug and kick at the water gently.
“I have no one to tell. Debbie doesn’t believe in monsters.”
“She doesn’t believe in giving you a key either, huh?”
“She doesn’t usually lock her gate,” you say. 
“Well, this isn’t her gate.”
“Yeah. I like your shorts.”
Steve’s cheeks flush pink. 
“Are you getting sunstroke?” you ask. 
That turns his cheeks pinker. 
“No, no." He coughs. "I’m fine.”
“It’s a record high temperature for May,” you say. “That’s what Weatherman Dale said. The highest it's ever been since 1923." 
“Yeah, I heard." He nods. "I didn’t wanna run the AC the whole day so, here I am. My friend Robin was supposed to come over, but I guess she bailed.”
“Robin is a nice name. Is she a bird?”
Steve smiles. “No, she’s a girl.”
“Oh. I thought maybe she was a bird you’d made friends with while fighting monsters.”
“Well.” Steve shrugs. “I did sort of make friends with her while fighting monsters.”
“Robins are good omens. They bring luck."
“Huh.”
You swallow. You’re probably talking too much. That’s what Debbie would say. That’s why boys sneak into her yard and not yours. 
"So." Steve puts a hand over his forehead to block the sun. "Debbie Wellerman, huh? You don't seem like the type to be her friend."
"Friends can come from the most unusual places," you say. "Like under a tree or at the bottom of the ocean."
"Have you made many friends at the bottom of the ocean?" Steve asks with a smile. 
You hesitate. Is he making fun of you? Sometimes, you can't tell. The people in Loch Nora are good at making fun of you without you knowing. 
Steve’s hair has already begun to dry, a little crunchy from the chlorine. He doesn’t look like he’s making fun of you.
"Not many. But that's where I found Joan," you say.
"Joan was at the bottom of the ocean?"
"Kind of. I found her in a pond. Then I found her sister, but I lost her at sea and I couldn't swim out to rescue her. It was a sad day. Joan didn't handle it well."
Steve's brows rise. "Wow. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Joan has been on the incline. I think she's finally ready to get back out there. I wanted to find her company, but I didn't want to disturb your dirt." 
“My dirt?”
“Mmhm. I'm trying to make a social club for her."
"Out of dirt?"
"Out of worms."
"Huh."
Steve rests his chin on his arm that's perched on the ledge. 
"Your hair is wavy," you observe. 
"What? Oh, yeah. I didn't put anything in it."
"Like what? Secrets?"
"No, like, gel. Product."
You nod in realization. "Your hair was so big in school.”
Steve winces. "Yeah. Sorry, I wasn't the best guy back then."
"You were in your chrysalis. You needed time to grow. But then you turned into a butterfly. Or a moth, if you prefer."
"Moths are spooky," says Steve. "They look like they have eyes on their wings."
"Yes. But they're actually friendly. Unless you eat them. Some are poisonous." You lean in, deadly serious. "Don't eat moths."
"Will do."
"No, don't. And warn your Robin too. She might think one looks delicious and meet her doom."
A smile creeps onto Steve's face. 
"You're kind of strange," he says. "In the best way possible."
"Thank you."
"Do you want some lemonade?" 
"Is it poisoned?" 
"What?" Steve startles. "No, of course not."
"No, I suppose not," you say thoughtfully. "You hadn't expected me to climb over your gate, so you wouldn't have had time to poison the lemonade."
Steve stacks one arm atop his other, looking up at you. The ends of his hair have begun to curl. You like it so much. 
"What if I pour from the pitcher right in front of you? Will that make you feel better?" he asks. 
"You can still put something in my glass," you say. "Or you might have built a tolerance to the poison for this exact moment. Like in The Princess Bride."
"I'm only twenty-one. I would've had to start very young to build a tolerance. Besides, what would be my motivation to poison you?"
You shake your head. "There's no need for motivation. Violent delights. But you've fought monsters, and Lucas Sinclair says you're a good guy. So, yes, I will have some lemonade."
Steve pushes himself out of the pool with ease, dripping water all over the concrete. You stare at the rivulets that hurry down his legs and chest. He has a lot of hair everywhere. You like that too.
He offers his hand and you take it, letting him pull you to your feet. Your shoulder bumps his. Steve's skin is warm. He smells like chlorine and something sweeter. Pineapple, maybe. 
"You would do very well as a knight," you say. "If I were a princess, I'd want you to commit yourself to me."
Steve makes a weird noise in his throat. 
"Uh, th-thanks," he says. 
"You're welcome."
"So you, uh, know Lucas?"
"Yes. He lives on my block. His mom gives me rides sometimes."
You step in through the sliding glass door, which puts you directly in the kitchen. The house is at least twenty degrees cooler. You shiver at the sudden temperature change. 
"You don't have a car?" Steve asks. 
"No."
"You walked from your house to Loch Nora?"
"I took the bus part of the way. Then I walked."
Steve takes two glasses down from the shelf. Then he opens the refrigerator. You sit at the large kitchen island while he pours. 
"Debbie Wellerman has a car," Steve says. 
"Uh-huh. A Porsche."
A money car, she'd called it when she got it for her sixteenth birthday. Boys love girls with money cars. Maybe that's why boys don't love you. 
Steve hands you a glass. You take a long sip. Your mouth puckers and you scrunch your eyes shut as the acid coats your tongue.
"Shit. Not enough sugar?"
You swallow and open your eyes. 
"It's wonderful, Steve," you say earnestly. 
"You don't have to lie. I saw your mouth screw up."
"I'm not lying. It's the right amount of sour." 
Steve takes his own sip. His lips pucker, and he shakes his head.
"Nope. Definitely needs more sugar."
You cradle your glass in your hands. "Don't take mine. She's perfect."
Steve breathes a laugh, returning the pitcher to the fridge. He sits beside you on the island. He's already developing a slight tan. You wonder if more freckles appear the longer he's in the sun. 
"Why doesn't Debbie pick you up?" he asks. 
"Why would she pick me up?" 
"Because that's what nice friends do. And it's unfair to expect you to come all the way here when the buses don't go through Loch Nora."
"Debbie always expects me to come over," you say. "So I do. She doesn't like my house."
Steve frowns deeply. 
"I don't mind the walk," you offer, trying to make him smile again. 
It doesn't work. Steve takes another sip. His lips purse, red like cherry candy and shiny with lemonade. 
"She should meet you halfway more often," he says, dumping his lemonade into the sink. 
You trace shapes into the condensation of your glass. 
"I wanted to go rollerblading," you say. "But…"
"But what?" he prompts. 
"She didn't. Neither did Brett. They wanted to make out in the pool.”
Steve grimaces. “Sounds like a drag.”
“They make weird noises. Like goats at the zoo.”
Steve snorts. You smile and kick your legs, pleased.
“My friends go rollerblading,” he says. “The kids love to skate at the park. You could come with us one day.”
“You have kids?”
“No, I—” Steve shakes his head, chuckling. “Definitely not. No, they’re only a few years younger than me, but me and the other people our age call them kids. They’re part of our little monster-fighting group. Anyway, uh, y'know. Open invite. If you're ever tired of goat noises."
You stare at him for a minute. He seems nervous, and you can't make out why. Nobody's ever nervous around you.
"Okay," you say. "I'd like to meet your kids."
"Cool. Well, um, I can give you my number. We usually meet up on weekends, but once school ends, any day is game."
Your heart rate picks up. You know this part. Only from a distance, of course. But you know what it means when a boy gives a girl his number. 
“You want me to call you?” you ask.
“Yeah. I mean, if you want to. I feel like it’s a little forward for me to ask the girl who climbed my fence for her number. So, um, you can call me. Is that cool?”
Steve looks at you and waits. You chew your lip and nod.
“That’s okay.”
He smiles. “Great! I think I have a pen around here somewhere…”
Steve walks around the table to a stationary caddy on the counter and takes out a blue Sharpie. You stick out your arm, palm up.��
"Uh…" He looks at you. "I can find a notepad."
"This helps me memorize things better," you say and wiggle your fingers. 
"I don't wanna give you ink poisoning."
"You didn't poison me before. You're not very good at it."
"Isn't that a good thing?"
You shrug. "Depends on your aspirations."
Steve hesitates for another second. Then he takes the top of your forearm and begins to write on the soft underside. He writes slowly, which tickles, but you remain still. 
He's so close. You're reminded all over again of his hands and warmth and pineapple scent. 
Steve caps the marker. You inspect the writing. 
"Good penmanship," you say. 
"Think so? Robin says it's chicken scratch. But she can't talk—hers is ten times worse."
"It's neat," you say. "But not serial-killer neat. If I were a graphologist, I would give you the all clear."
"Graphologist?"
"A handwriting expert. I would write in my report, 'not a murderer.'"
"Well, that's a relief," Steve says. "I try to keep the murdering to a minimum."
You hum and finish your lemonade in one gulp.
“Thank you for not poisoning me."
“Yeah, you’re welcome,” Steve replies through a smile. 
His smile makes you nervous. A good nervous, though, like you're about to sled down a big hill. 
You push yourself off the stool. Steve gets up with you and opens the sliding glass door for you.
“A very stalwart knight,” you say, and walk over to where your flip flops are.
You throw them back over the gate. They land with a clack on the sidewalk.
You find your footholds on the gate and turn to look at Steve.
“It was nice to meet you, Steve Harrington. Don’t fight any monsters by yourself.”
“Whoa, hang on!” He jogs over and lightly touches your arm. It sears your skin like you've been kissed by the sun himself. “I’ll unlock the gate. You don’t need to… climb again.”
Steve pulls the latch next to you. The gate creaks open. You hop off and walk through. 
Steve leans against the gate, elbow bent. His bicep bulges. You've never been this close to a shirtless boy. Your stomach flips. 
“Are you sure you know where Debbie lives?” he asks.
Your eyes dart from his chest to his face. 
“Yes.”
“Really? ‘Cause you didn’t exactly find it the first time.”
“Second time’s the charm,” you say.
“I thought it was the third time.”
“No. Three’s bad luck, remember?”
Steve runs his tongue under his molars, once again staring at you like he’s trying to solve a puzzle. You slip into your sandals while he figures you out.
“Well, um. You can come back if you get lost. Or you need help. Or you wanna look for rocks."
You tilt your head. “You’d look for rocks with me?”
“I don’t know how helpful I’d be—all rocks look the same to me. My friends would probably be better at it than me. But, yeah, I would.”
“Okay. Thank you for your hospitality.”
He grins. “Sure thing.”
You take his hand and shake it. It’s warm and slightly calloused. You wonder if he holds girls’ hands often.
"I hope Robin finds your house," you say. "Goodbye, Steve Harrington."
Then you go.
You do find Debbie’s house on the second try. You hide your Sharpie'd arm behind your back when you enter. Debbie doesn’t ask why you’re late. Brett doesn’t acknowledge you, and you wonder how you mistook Steve for his brother. 
“There’s lemonade,” Debbie says as she heads in, Brett at her heels.
You don’t drink any. You know it won’t be the right amount of sour. 
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Movies are better in the summer. This is a fact you've learned to accept. 
There's no dread of the cold after you finish a movie in the summer. The tape ends and you can go outside and still love the real world. 
Sorry, we're on a break! the sign on the store window reads in loopy script. You sit on the hot curb in front of Family Video, your yellow shorts bunched around your thighs. Sweat sticks to the back of your neck, and you drag a hand across, then wipe your fingers on your shirt. 
From here, you can just see the cement-filled cracks in the asphalt, where the earthquake split the main road two years ago. Because of the cracks, the bus stops three blocks from the plaza, so you'd walked three blocks in the heat. 
You hadn't been lying to Steve, though. You really don't mind the walk. 
Beads of sweat drip down your forehead. One slips into your eye and burns. You make a fist and press it into your eyelid.
Okay. Maybe you mind a little.
"Hey, neighbor!"
You look up, squinting through the sun. Lucas Sinclair waves at you. You wave back. A girl with two red braids is next to him. 
"Hi, Lucas," you say, standing as they approach you on the curb. 
"This is my girlfriend, Max," he introduces proudly. 
"My congratulations. Getting a girlfriend is no easy feat."
Max studies you for a moment. "I think I should get the credit, considering I said yes." 
"Undoubtedly," you say. 
"Are you his neighbor?" she asks. 
"Yes. Lucas is an outstanding neighbor. You should be very proud of him." 
"I believe it," says Max. 
"What are you doing?" Lucas asks. 
"Lots of things," you say. "Breathing, digesting. But presently, I'm waiting for the video store to reopen. I want to rent The Princess Bride.”
Max snorts. "Good luck with that. Those two take five hour lunch breaks now, ever since Keith moved away. It's barely a business anymore."
"There must be a lot of courses in their lunch," you muse. 
"Yeah… uh, we're going to get ice cream. Wanna join?" asks Lucas.
"Okay." You turn to Max. "Will my presence impede your special plans?"
Max squints. "Special plans? Like what?"
"I don't know. Perhaps you've written Lucas a series of sonnets to profess your love."
"A series of what?"
"Poems."
"Love poems are corny," she says. 
You wonder if Steve would agree. 
"Sometimes corny things are good. When they come from the right person," you say. 
Max acquiesces with a hum. 
"No love poems today," she says. "You should join us."
So you follow a couple steps behind them to the Baskin-Robbins down the block. 
The AC whooshes as you step inside, drying your sweat to your forehead. 
“Wow,” Max says with a scoff. “It’s like Starcourt all over again.”
You follow her gaze and spot Steve. 
Oh. Steve.
He's in a green Family Video vest. A girl sits across from him, wearing a matching vest. She has cropped hair and a bandaid on one knee. 
“Hey, losers!” Max calls. “This isn’t a lunch break.”
The girl flips her off. “The sign says we’re taking a break. It doesn’t specify how long of a break.”
Lucas orders a scoop of strawberry ice cream for himself and a scoop of cookies and cream for Max. 
“Yeah, plus, we’ve had a grand total of one customer today,” Steve adds.
“Well, you would’ve had two if you hadn’t been here on your seventeen hour break,” Max shoots back.
He scoffs. “Oh, really? Who?”
“Can I get one scoop of rocky road ice cream with oreo crumble and gummy worms in a cup?” you ask the cashier. 
She goes to scoop the ice cream. Max proudly points at you. 
“Her,” she says with a smirk. “She wanted to rent The Princess Bride, and now she’s not gonna be a paying customer ‘cause you two are lazy.”
“I would still be a paying customer,” you say.
Max shakes her head at you.
“I’m trying to make a point,” she whispers.
“Oh. You’re doing great."
“Your total is three twenty-four,” the cashier says, sticking a spoon into your cup. 
The sound of a chair being dragged across the floor draws your attention. Steve is up, trying to free his leg from under the table. He finally wiggles free and jogs to the counter, wallet in hand.
"Hi,” he says. "I can pay." 
“But I have money,” you say, brows knitting.
“No, I know. I—now you can save your money. Do you–do you mind if I pay for you?”
“Will I have to pay you back?” you ask.
“Oh my God,” the cashier mutters under her breath.
You shrink at her tone. You've missed something, evidently. You have no clue what. 
Steve glances at her, mouth pinching. 
“No,” he says gently, turning back to you. “You don’t have to pay me back. It’s a gesture. As a friend.”
“Oh. Okay.” 
Steve gives her the money. You take your ice cream. 
“Smooth,” you hear Max say to Steve. He bumps her arm with his elbow.
Steve pulls a chair from another table for you. You all sit down.
"This is, uh…" Steve trails off, turning to you. "I'm sorry, I never got your name."
"You kept calling her Buttercup," the girl says. 
Steve whips his head around to hiss at her. 
"Robin." 
"She's my neighbor," Lucas says. 
"We know," Max tells him. 
"I don't." Robin raises her hand briefly, shooing Steve away. "I'm Robin Buckley."
"Hi, Robin. Watch out for moths," you say. 
She tilts her head and smiles. You look at Steve, who's already looking at you. 
"Princess Buttercup?" you ask. 
"Well." He rubs the back of his neck. "Y-Yeah, kinda. You mentioned The Princess Bride and, uh, I don’t know your name, so…”
You mull that over. 
"If I'm Buttercup, you must be Westley." 
Steve's eyes widen. "Uh…" 
Robin snickers. Max smirks. 
"Interesting shade of red you're turning, Westley," Robin says. 
"Shut—"
He kicks her chair leg. She yelps and shoves him in retaliation. Max rolls her eyes. 
"Have some class, will you?" she says. 
"I'm classy!" Steve insists. 
"Not anymore," Lucas says gravely. "Now you're a glorified babysitter." 
"Childcare is dutiful work," you say. 
Steve grins at you. Your stomach flutters.
“Is that a mud pie?” he asks. 
You nod. 
“Gummy worms?” 
You tilt your head. “How did you know?”
Steve chuckles. “Lucky guess.”
Across the table, the others argue about the classiest ice cream flavors.
“It’s obviously mango sorbet.”
“Sorbet isn’t ice cream!”
“Are they your kids?” you ask.
Steve leans in so you can talk in his ear. His arm is on the back of your chair. If you shift the slightest inch, you’d feel him.
“Minus Robin. Though, sometimes…” He rolls his eyes playfully. “But, um, yeah. Two of them.”
“How many kids do you have?” you ask.
“Let’s see…” Steve counts on his fingers. “Six?”
“Wow. You must be some babysitter.”
“I’m alright.”
You lean in. Steve blinks.
“What’re you doing?” he asks.
“You have an eyelash.” 
You swipe the hair off his cheek and hold your finger in front of his mouth.
“You have to make a wish.”
Steve’s eyes slide to you. He gently holds your hand in place. Your heart beats faster.
“‘Kay.” He blows the eyelash away, but doesn't release your hand. “Let’s see if it comes true.”
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The numbers stare at you. Taunt you, really.
You practically have them memorized. You’d written them thirty times on a piece of notebook paper. Then you’d shoved that under your bed. 
Now you have it taped to your dresser mirror. 
You wish you could talk to Joan about it, but she’s bathing in the sink after an unfortunate encounter with a paint can. 
The Sharpie is gone from your arm, has been gone for several days now. But if you concentrate, you can see its silhouette on your skin. 
You get up and peel the paper off the mirror. Then you go down the hall to your phone. 
Carefully, you dial, making sure not to press any wrong buttons. 
The phone rings. You rock on your toes.
“Hello?” Steve says.
You freeze. 
“Hellooo…?”
“Hi,” you finally say. “It’s Buttercup.”
“Oh!” He sounds so happy. “Hey! Hey, how are you?”
“Good.” You chew on a cuticle. “It’s Saturday.”
“Oh, right! Did you wanna go rollerblading?”
Relief floods you. He remembers.
“Yes. If you’re planning it.”
“I haven’t talked to the kids, but I’m sure they’d be down.” You can hear the smile in his voice. “I can pick you up in twenty?"
“I can walk.”
“C’mon, in the sun? You live on the same street as Lucas anyway, don’t worry about it.”
“Well.” You twirl the telephone cord around your finger so tightly, it threatens to cut off your circulation. “Okay… if it’s no trouble.”
“It’s no trouble,” Steve promises. “I’ll see you in a bit, okay?”
You hang up and run to your room to dig for your skates. They’re stuffed under your bed next to a mini gumball machine. You shove two green gumballs in your mouth and race to the bathroom to check on Joan, nearly slipping on the wood.
“I’m going out, Joan. I think he might… he might like me.” You crunch on the gumball shells and shudder. “What a terrifying thought.”
You pull out the drain stopper and set Joan on a washcloth to dry. Then you go down the hall to put on your sneakers. 
Steve arrives five minutes early. You only know that because you spend the whole time watching the road from your curtained window. You shake your hands out, overwhelmed with nerves. 
It’s just a boy. He’s only a boy. 
The two of you meet halfway. Steve jogs backwards, unusually skillful, and opens the passenger door for you.
“Hey. Does Joan want to come?” Steve asks. 
You shake your head. “She’s having a spa day. It’s just me.”
“Well, I’m happy to have you,” he says, sweet and earnest. 
You duck inside the car and shake your hands a little, trying to fend off the returning nerves. Just a boy.
“So, that’s El,” Steve says as he gets into the driver’s seat, pointing to a girl with short curls. “And you know Max and Lucas.”
Max nods at you with a smile. Lucas waves.
“Hi, El,” you say. “Cool hair.”
“Thank you,” she says, voice soft. “I like your skates.”
“I found them at a yard sale. You can find anything in a yard.”
"Okay," Steve says. "Everybody buckled?" 
“Yes, Mom,” Max mumbles. 
Steve catches your gaze and rolls his eyes. You smile.
Briefly, you worry you’ll have to fill the silence and talk about yourself, like people expect you to. But Steve and the kids hold conversation easily. They talk about anything and everything. 
They're more energetic than you're used to; Debbie always prefers it to be quiet. 
But you don't mind it. You don’t feel lonely like you do when you’re with Debbie.
“Alright, please stay within this area,” Steve says when he parks and everyone gets out. “Within—”
“Shouting distance!” Max yells. “Yeah, we know!”
The park isn't crowded. Most of the paths are clear, so skating will be no problem. 
Max gets out two skateboards from the trunk. 
“Max is going to teach me how to do an ollie,” El informs you. “Would you like to join us?”
“Maybe later,” you say. “I want to master my yard skates.”
She nods and follows the others to the small skate park on the other side of the trees. 
You bring your skates to a bench and sit, lacing them up your feet. Steve is a few feet away, swinging his arms slightly.
“Aren’t you going to join them?” you ask.
“Oh, uh, no. I brought my own skates… I thought maybe we could skate together, if that’s okay?”
“Yes, I would like that,” you say. 
Steve beams. “Alright, cool. I’ll go get mine.”
You stand, about to take a step forward—and immediately slip.
Steve reacts instantly, lunging to catch you. One hand grabs your elbow, the other on your stomach. You squeal and cling to his shirt. 
“Are you okay?” he asks, helping you stand upright.
“I’m okay,” you say, breath caught in your throat.
You take a step but your foot wobbles. Steve grabs you again. You don’t try to take another step.
“I thought skating would be intuitive,” you say, rolling one skate to test.
“What?” 
You look up. Steve’s face is inches from yours. His hair is golden in the sunshine. His eyes lock on your own; his focus sends a jolt of electricity down your spine.
“You know, like how babies are able to swim for the first six months of their lives?”
“Uh…” Steve tilts his head. “No?”
“Oh. Because they were in the womb, they have that ability. ‘Cause they float around in there for nine months, you know? But then they lose it. That’s why we have to learn how to swim.”
“Wow. That’s a cool fact.”
Nobody ever thinks your facts are cool. But Steve does.
“Well, I thought skating would be similar,” you say. “I’ve watched other people skate, so I thought I’d just… do it. I guess I lost that at six months too.”
Steve’s smiling. It’s a gentle smile, though. Not a teasing smile. 
“I see,” he says. “I’m sorry for your disappointment.”
“It’s alright. Life is far more than disappointment. No use getting hung up on it.”
“Do you want me to teach you how to skate?” he asks. “I promise I’m good at it. Coach Collins said I could’ve seriously pursued it.”
“So skating for you is like avoiding death for Westley,” you say.
“Actually, I’m pretty good at avoiding death too,” Steve says. “And making grilled cheeses.”
“Triple threat.”
He ducks his head with a laugh, and you feel the warmth of it flow through your own body.
“Sure. Can’t make lemonade for shit, though.”
“I think your lemonade is perfect, Steve Harrington.”
His cheeks are scarlet again. It’s quickly becoming your favorite color.
“I would like it if you taught me,” you say.
“Okay. I’ll get my skates after you get the hang of it. Put your hand on my arm, right here.”
Steve pats his forearm. Carefully, you do as he says. 
“I’m nervous,” you confess. 
“I got you,” Steve says, cheek brushing your head. “I won’t let you fall, Buttercup.”
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Saint Aloysius’ parking lot has the best rocks. 
You've never told anybody as much because you imagine the lot would get busy, and you like it empty.
Today, you're searching for a brother for Joan. Ever since that tragic day at Macinaw Island, Joan's been very lonely. It‘s hard being a sisterless sister. 
Joan is smooth and round, so you look for an equally smooth and round brother. Commonality is important. 
Your knees hurt from squatting, so you sit. The rocks poke your butt. 
You hear a car rolling up the hill, engine a soft purr. You stop and turn. 
The car is maroon and shiny, with only a couple slight scratches you can't notice unless you look really hard. You don't recognize the license plate, although you have yet to start your record of Hawkins plates. 
It putters to a stop in front of Giovanni's Bakery across the street. The car doors open. 
"I'm losing my edge, Robs! I made a damn fool of myself. I can't even—"
"Okay, first of all, I feel like we're glossing over the fact that you don't even know this girl. And what she did was technically trespassing."
"Do you know her name?" another voice pipes up. 
"No, Dustin, I don't know her name. I don't even know if she lives in Hawkins!"
Their voices disappear as they go inside the bakery. You find Joan a brother, Jack, and Jack finds a wife named Gwen. Gwen isn't smooth and round; she's sharp-edged and will be harder to clean, but she's a muted salmon color and you think she's pretty. You hope Jack will find her pretty too.
As you dig through the pile of rocks, your finger catches on the edge of a broken bottle. It slices your finger. Blood swells immediately. 
You put your new rocks in your plastic red pail with your other hand. Then you stand, joints popping as you do so. You stick your ribs out and bend your spine in a stretch. 
You cross the street to the bakery, pail in hand. The bell jingles as you enter. You hum the ding-dong under your breath. 
"Can I help you?" the man behind the counter asks.
"Hello. Can I have five baci di dama and five of the raspberry sandwich cookies?"
He goes to the display case with a paper bag. You rest your elbows on the counter, pail handles over your arm. 
"Anything else?"
"Yes. Do you have a bandaid? I'm bleeding."
The man purses his lips. "No bandaid, sorry."
"That's okay. Just the cookies, then." 
"Buttercup?"
You turn. Steve stands before you, wearing his Family Video vest. Robin is beside him, her hair piled into a windblown bun on her head. Another boy, shorter than both, younger, is with them. He waves at you, curls bouncing. 
You wave back. Robin squeals.
"Oh my God, what happened to your finger?" she asks, horrified. 
"There was a broken bottle in the parking lot."
"Jesus," Steve says. He takes your hand and inspects it. He's so close and warm. All you can do is stare at the freckles on his neck. 
“Why were you in the parking lot?” he asks.
“I was looking for rocks. This is the best rock spot in all of Hawkins. Well, after Lover’s Lake. But the pH has been abnormally high there. Probably because of the monsters. So I came here.”
"Hi, I'm Dustin," the boy introduces. “Is your finger okay?”
"Hi, Dustin. I think I’ll survive,” you say. “Dustin means brave warrior in Norse.”
Dustin beams. “Yup. I was named after my grandfather. He served in World War Two.”
"Names are important,” you say. “Joan agonized for days deciding what I should call her. Eventually, I decided for her. A name says a lot about a person. Steve has a warrior and good luck at his side."
"Yep, Steve-o here is pretty blessed to have us. And," he gestures to you, "You are?"
"Hungry," you say, taking your bag of cookies with your free hand. 
The bag crinkles as you open it. You hold it out to Steve. 
"Do you want one? I promise they’re blood-free.”
"Uh…” He glances at your hand. “Are you sure your finger is okay?”
“She’s a trooper. Survived ink poisoning and everything.” You wave the bag again. “Cookie?” 
Steve takes a baci di dama out and pops it into his mouth. He hums as he chews, nodding. 
"'S good," he says after he swallows.
"Baci di dama means lady's kisses in Italian," you say. 
His cheeks turn pink again. 
"You should drink more water," you add. "You turn pink easily."
Robin snorts. Steve holds a hand to his cheek. 
"Uh, thanks."
“You’re welcome. Robin, would you like a cookie?" 
"No, thanks,” she says. “I'm picking up a tiramisu for my mom's birthday."
"I want a cookie!" Dustin says. 
"Dude," Steve hisses. 
You hold the bag open to Dustin. He takes a raspberry sandwich cookie. 
"So," Dustin says, mouth full. "Are you Steve’s girlfriend or something?”
“Not that I’m aware of,” you say.
“Du-ude!” Steve says too loudly, voice climbing in pitch.
“What? You talk about her all the freakin’ time. I needed to know.”
You look at Steve. He rubs the back of his neck and half-smiles.  
“Anyway,” continues Dustin. “How do you know Steve?”
"I climbed over his gate by accident on the hottest day of May,” you say.
"By accident?" 
"Yes. All the gates in Loch Nora look the same. Except Steve's gate has climbing ivy and little red flowers. It's much nicer than the other houses. It looks like a person lives there. I mistook it for Debbie's gate." 
Robin tilts her head at you. You don't care what Steve says; she's a one hundred percent bonafide bird. 
Dustin points to your pail, crumbs all over his chin. "Why do you have rocks?"
"They're for Joan," you say.
"Joan? Is she your friend?"
"She's more like my confidante. She doesn't talk much, so I think it'd be presumptuous of me to call her a friend when I have no idea where we stand." 
"Navigating friendships can be hard," Steve offers. 
"Yes," you say. "They can be."
"Being straightforward can help a lot," he continues. "It, uh, at least helped me. That way the other person knows what you mean. No room for miscommunication."
You nod. "That's good advice. I'll have to try that with Joan. Sometimes she can be kind of hard-headed."
You roll up your bag of cookies and reposition your pail on your arm so the metal doesn't dig into your skin. 
"It was nice to meet you, Dustin," you say. "Goodbye, Steve and Robin."
"Wait!"
Steve holds the door for you and follows you out. He still smells sweet, like pineapple, and also a little woody. He touches the small of your back, sending a bolt of electricity down your spine.
"I have a first aid kit in my car. Let me wrap your cut."
"Oh." You'd forgotten about it. "Okay."
You follow Steve to his car. He pops the trunk and rummages. You spot a bat with nails. 
"Very inventive," you say, pointing at the bat. 
Steve laughs shyly. "Yeah, uh, the monsters."
"I definitely wouldn't want to fight you if I were a multi-dimensional monster."
He smiles and takes out a small spray bottle of disinfectant. 
"This is gonna sting, okay? But we need to make sure nothing gets infected."
"An infection would be unfortunate," you say. "I'm quite attached to this finger." 
He sprays and cleans your finger. You wince and Steve squeezes your wrist in apology. Then he pulls out bandaids. 
"Any preference? I have rainbow, Star Wars, 'cause they're all a bunch of nerds, cats… oh, I have flowers! ‘Cause you’re, uh, Buttercup, you know?" 
"Flowers," you say, because Steve's so excited about it. 
He nods and opens the bandaid. You hold out your finger and Steve carefully wraps it. He rubs your knuckle. 
"Thank you," you say. 
"You're welcome. Be careful, okay?"
"I will."
He closes the trunk, swinging his keys on his finger. 
"Sorry if that was awkward, by the way," he says. "Dustin, I mean. He can be… blunt." 
"It wasn't awkward."
“It wasn’t?”
“No,” you say. “I’m happy you tell people about me. I tell Joan about you all the time.”
"Oh." He nods. "That—that’s good. So… we’re both… uh—”  
"Do you want another lady's kiss?"
"What? Oh—" Steve clears his throat. "N-no, that's okay. Thanks."
You take out a raspberry cookie and bite into it. 
"Your hair has product," you observe. 
"Yeah. No secrets, though."
"Everybody's hair has secrets."
"Even yours?" he asks. 
"Especially mine." 
Steve rubs the back of his neck. You open your bag and take out another cookie. He looks like he's trying to find the right words to say. You don't mind waiting. 
"Hey, do you like barbecue?" he asks. 
"I like it as well as anybody else."  
"Well, um, I'm having a barbecue this Saturday. Lucas won a big championship game and so we're celebrating his win."
"That's nice," you say. "Congratulations to Lucas."
"Yeah! So, um, did you maybe want to come too? It'll be at my house. You could bring a friend if you wanted. Like Joan."
"Joan is a vegetarian," you say. "But I'm sure she'd enjoy the company."
Steve smiles. He has such a pretty smile. 
"We're ordering pizza too, so Joan can have some of that."
"You're a very thoughtful host.”
Then you have a terrible thought. But you have to ask it because if you don't, you might be breaking some kind of invisible expectation. You do that a lot. 
"Does Debbie have to come?" you ask. 
Steve blinks. "Uh, no? It's not a requirement."
"Some people ask me to parties because they want Debbie to come." 
Steve frowns. "That's rude. I wouldn't do that."
"Okay. What time does the barbecue begin?"
"You can stop by anytime. But we'll probably start eating around six."
You nod. "Joan and I will be there at five thirty."
Steve's answering grin is blinding. He must be really excited to meet Joan. You get it; Joan's the life of any party she attends. 
"Great, that's great. I'll see you then."
"Bye, Steve," you say. 
"Bye," he answers like he's out of breath. 
Even the way he breathes is pretty.
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Every month, Miles Stanwick throws a party. 
Miles is a celebrity in Hawkins, his father being a state senator, and Miles is, according to a drunk Debbie, “the Gatsby to her Daisy.”
You're pretty sure Debbie hasn't read the book. Or maybe she's a living tragedy. Either is possible. 
It had been just you two in her room, without the Other Debbie she pretends to be to impress the people of Loch Nora, when she'd told you what it meant to be in love. 
"You just know," she'd said, her breath reeking of tequila.
You'd turned your head. Tequila made your nose itch. 
"But you love Brett," you'd said. 
"Brett is who I'll marry," she'd corrected. She’d sounded so sad. "Miles is all I've got."
Then she'd thrown up all over her carpet. You'd helped her into bed and made a mental note to find her a friend like Joan to keep her company, for when you weren't around. 
You don't like parties. They're loud and smelly and usually filled with people you don't like or don't know. And at a party, people you don't like and people you don't know are one and the same. 
You would leave, but Debbie is your ride tonight. So you're stuck here until midnight, maybe even later. 
Someone plugs in a karaoke machine and that gets most of the party's attention. The music is horribly loud and is the kind that’s just a lot of synthesizer. 
A guy jumps onto the Stanwicks' coffee table and knocks over the potpourri dish. Dried petals and orange peels scatter across the carpet. 
Debbie appears in front of you, a red Solo cup in her hand. 
"What did I bring you here for?" she asks, mouth curled. "To slump on the couch?"
"No one here wants to talk," you say. 
Debbie rolls her eyes. "Parties aren't for talking. They're for drinking and making out. Someone's rolling a blunt in the den. Go suck on that, will you?"
The people in Loch Nora are so good at making you feel two inches tall. You wish you'd brought Joan. She'd know what to do. 
You've tried alcohol before. Champagne at a wedding. A sip of rum from the Wellermans' liquor cabinet, back when Debbie wasn't so caught up in being just like everyone else. 
Maybe it's your fault, too. Maybe you're too good at standing out. 
You go to the kitchen. It's already trashed. You step over a spill on the floor. Then you turn around and lay down some paper towels so no one will slip. 
There are various bottles of strong liquor strewn across the counters. You decide to try the punch and fill your cup to the top. You sniff it and your nose wrinkles at the whiff of alcohol. 
You so badly want to have fun. You want to know what makes all of this worth it. You want your friendship with Debbie to be worth it. 
You down the punch in one go. It makes you cough and you scramble for water at the sink. You wonder if the punch is poisoned. 
You wobble out of the kitchen a couple minutes later, head already woozy. A girl stands with a drink, one arm folded. 
"Where's Debbie?" you ask. The girl winces and steps away from you. 
"She went with Miles and some other people to the lake."
Your eyes widen. "No, they can't. There's monsters."
She looks at you like you might be an insect splattered on her dashboard. 
"You're Debbie's weird friend, aren't you?"
Weird doesn't make you feel good, like Steve calling you strange did. Weird makes you feel like when a boy in sixth grade stepped on your heels while going up the stairs because he thought it was funny. 
"Debbie would've told me," you say. 
The girl shrugs. "Guess she ditched you. She can't score with Miles if you're killing the vibe." 
Weird tastes like poison in your mouth. 
"Debbie was my ride," you say, but she’s already gone.
Your head aches. You try to think on what to do next. It's nearly midnight. No one is awake, and you have no idea how to call a cab. 
You find the Stanwicks' phone in the hall and dial the only number you know, besides your own, and the local pizzeria. 
"Hello?" 
You lean against the wall, phone in both hands. 
"Uh, hello? Who is this?" 
"H-hi, Westley." Your voice cracks. 
"Hey," Steve says, unbearably gentle. "My favorite rock girl. Jesus, it's… midnight."  
"I'm sorry," you say. 
"No, no, it's alright. I'm just—is everything okay? Are you okay?" 
"Debbie ditched me."
Silence. For a moment, you panic that the line's dropped.
"Steve?"
"Where are you?" 
"I'm, um, at Miles Stanwick's. The address is… well, I don't remember, but I'll go outside and look for the house number—"
"I know it," Steve says. "Stay right there. I'm coming to get you. Don't drink any more."
Your lip wobbles. "'Kay."
"It's okay," he soothes. "Drink some water. Don't take anything from anybody." 
"I just wanted to be fun," you blurt. 
"You are fun, Buttercup. Way more fun than anybody at that house, I guarantee it. I'll be there in ten minutes, okay?"
"Okay. Thank you, Steve," you say, no longer feeling so small. 
You hang up and go to the kitchen to get more water from the sink. Then you return to the hallway and sit, back against the wall, knees tucked into your chest. 
You doze, lids heavy from the alcohol. The next thing you know are two hands on your arms. 
You jolt awake. One hand cradles the back of your head so you don't thump it against the wall. 
"Hey, hey." Steve kneels in front of you. He brushes your cheek with a cool knuckle. "It's me, it's Steve. Are you okay?"
His hands are cool against your overheated skin. He smells like lemon shampoo. 
"My knight," you say. 
"I thought Westley was a pirate."
“He was only pretending." 
You let Steve ease you up. His car keys dig into your hip.
"Ow," you say dazedly. 
"What? What hurts?"
"Keys."
"Oh." Steve shifts you to his opposite side, hand on your back. "Sorry, honey." 
"Honey never spoils," you say. "Did you know that? You could dig up honey from a tomb that's thousands of years old and as long as it was stored in an airtight container, it's good to eat."
"I love that you know that." 
"Do you really?" 
"I really do," Steve says. "C’mon, let's get you home." 
Outside, the moon is a dot of cream in the purple sky. The neighborhood is quiet. Most of the houses are also dark. 
"I'm sorry for calling you so late," you say. 
"Don't be. I'm glad you called me. These parties can get out of hand."
"Debbie left. She went to Lover's Lake with Miles—"
The panic returns, flooding your body. You squirm and Steve tries to keep you steady. 
"Whoa, what's—"
"The monsters! There's monsters down there, Steve. I don't like Miles, but I don't want him to be eaten!"
"No, no, no more monsters," Steve assures you. "They can't come through there anymore."
You still. "Promise?"
"I promise."
He helps you into the passenger seat of his car. Steve leans in and pulls the seat belt over you.
"Comfy?" he asks. 
"I like you so much, Steve Harrington."
It's too dark to tell, but you suspect he's got another case of sunstroke. 
"I, um, like you too, Buttercup. You're really cool."
"Me?" You wave your hand. "No."
"Really," he insists. "You are. The coolest."
If you were Debbie, if you weren't weird in the wrong way, if you didn't go to parties to talk, and if you fit a million other criteria you never will, Steve would kiss you right now. Or maybe you'd kiss him. 
But you don't know how to go about that. You don't think it's your right to do such a thing. 
So Steve shuts the door and walks around to the driver's seat. You stare at your flower bandaid.
"Four three's," Steve says as he turns the ignition. 
You turn your head. "Hmm?"
"The house number. Four three's. That's gotta be, like, astronomically bad luck, right?"
"Without a doubt."
Except you're here with Steve Harrington, and he calls you honey and thinks you're cool. And that doesn't seem like bad luck at all. 
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"I'm going to a barbecue," you call out. 
There's no reply. You close the door behind you.
Joan sits in your pocket. You've tied a purple ribbon around her head, right above her googly eyes. You don't know what the dress code is for a barbecue, but you hope she's not underdressed.
You haven’t spoken to Steve since Miles’ party. You’re not sure what you should say, and you can’t bear the thought of calling him to hear silence. 
Even if he doesn’t like you the way you like him, you hope he’ll still be friends with you. Steve and his kids have grown on you. You don’t know if you can go back to who you were before the hottest day of May. 
“Material Girl” plays from inside Steve's backyard. You mouth the words as you fling your flip flops over the gate. 
"What the fuck?" someone says from the other side. 
You climb the gate and shimmy down. It's a good thing you're wearing shorts under your dress.
A boy, lanky and tall but probably Lucas's age, holds one of your flip flops. He stares at you and shakes the shoe. 
"Is this yours?"
"Both of them are," you say. "Does Steve like Madonna?"
He grimaces. "Unfortunately."
"Cool."
You spot Steve sitting on one of the deck chairs with Robin and a boy your age with big, curly hair and a Led Zeppelin shirt with cropped sleeves. 
"Venus" plays next and you wobble in time with the music as you walk over to Steve. 
"Her weapons were her crystal eyes," you whisper. The pavement is warm under your toes. 
"Making every man mad." 
Steve turns just as you reach him. He stands so fast he shakes the chair. 
"Hey!" he says. He sounds out of breath again. "Hey, you came."
"You invited me," you say. 
"Yeah, yes." Steve nods. "I did. I'm glad you're here."
"You play good music."
"Ha!" Steve whips his head to look at the curly haired boy. "Suck it, Munson."
"She's obviously biased." 
"Munson," you say. "Eddie Munson?"
Eddie freezes under your gaze. Robin and Steve glance at you. 
"Yeah, uh, that's me." Eddie smiles weakly. "Look, you might've heard some stuff abou—"
"You helped fight the monsters," you interrupt. "You're very brave." 
Eddie's eyes widen. "I—"
"Most people just like to ignore monsters. It takes a really good person to fight them." You turn to Steve. "Do you have orange Fanta?" 
"Yeah, sure. I'll get you a can. Feel free to sit… where are your shoes?"
You point behind you. "Your bodyguard had to screen them after I climbed your gate. You have very tight security."
"After you climbed my… wait, Mike? God, I’m sorry about him. I'll get your shoes back."
"It's okay. Flip flops are dangerous weapons. It's only a matter of time before the airport bans them." 
Steve tilts his head, eyes warm. "Right. I'll be back. That's Eddie and Robin… you know them."
"I know their names, and that's about all you can know about anybody."
Eddie giggles. You look at him. He doesn't seem to be laughing at you, so you sit where Steve was sitting, across from Eddie's chair. You point at his shirt. 
"I like Kashmir."
"Thank God! Somebody with decent tastes."
"I'll listen to anything," you say. "It's important to be a good listener."
Eddie grins. "Words of the wise."
"Where's Joan?" Robin asks. 
"Right here." You take Joan out of your pocket and set her down on the edge of the pool chair. 
"Sick," Eddie says.
You nod. "The ribbon was my pick."
"I like it," Robin says. 
"Thank you."
Steve returns with an orange Fanta for you and a root beer for Robin. 
Robin points to Joan. "Steve, this is the famous Joan we've heard so much about."
"That's a rock," says Steve. 
"Yep."
"Oh." He nods in understanding. "Joan is your pet rock?"
"Confidante," you correct. "’Pet’ is demeaning."
"Got it. And was Joan's sister also your confidante?"
"No. Joan's sister didn't like me much. She thought I was a bad influence on Joan. But we shouldn't talk about it now. Joan gets very sad when I bring it up."
You open your can. The carbonation hisses. It's itchy and sweet on your tongue. 
"I like your hair," you say. "It's fluffy. Like it was on the hottest day of May."
Steve pushes a couple strands behind his ear.
"Thanks. The gel is too much on hot days like these. Weighs me down."
"At least you won't float away." You look at Eddie. "Is your hair full of secrets too?"
Eddie ruffles his hair. "Not as many as Steve's, but I've got a couple in here. 'S what gives my curls volume." 
"Hm. Just as I suspected," you say. 
"Ste-eve!" Dustin whines from across the yard. "You promised burgers!"
Steve rolls his eyes. "You'd think he's never been fed in his life."
Eddie pats his shoulder. "You've got this, Harrington."
"Oh, no. You wanna eat, you've gotta earn your keep. Come on."
Eddie groans, flinging himself off the chair. "Save me, Buckley!"
"Already did that," she says, pulling her sunglasses onto her eyes. "Never again." 
"You should tie up your hair so it doesn't catch fire," you suggest. 
"Well, at least somebody cares about me," Eddie declares, pulling his hair into a ponytail. 
Steve turns to you and smiles softly. 
"Are you hungry? You can have the first pick of the burgers."
"Won't Dustin be annoyed?"
Steve shrugs. "Kid could use some manners. Besides, pretty girls always get the first pick. It's the law." 
You follow Steve and Eddie to the grill, pretty girl echoing in your brain the whole time. 
Eddie's hair doesn't catch on fire and Steve makes you a perfect burger. The sun sparkles on the pool surface. The kids come out to eat and, predictably, Dustin complains about not getting the first burger.
"Not fair. Just 'cause she's your girlfriend," he mumbles as he goes off to search for the mustard. 
You check to see if Steve had heard the comment. He doesn't seem to have; you can't decide if you're relieved or not. 
The chairs are all taken by the time you finish fixing up your burger. Steve stands immediately as you approach.
“Here, take my seat,” he says.
“We can share,” you offer.
Steve lets you take the back of the chair, settling at the foot. “You Make My Dreams Come True” plays on the speakers. 
“Whoever made this mixtape is a genius,” you announce.
“You like it?” says Steve. “I actually made this one. Robin and Eddie think my taste sucks, but—”
“It’s spectacular.”
He hums, ducking his head shyly. “Well, speaking of spectacular: I made more lemonade, if you want to test it before I unleash it upon the masses.”
“I’ll happily drink your lemonade,” you say. “It’ll build my iocane tolerance.”
Steve grins. “I rented The Princess Bride, by the way. I know you meant to get it a few weeks ago. We can watch it tonight, if you want.”
“You remembered I wanted to watch it,” you say.
He nods. “Well, uh, yeah. Do you still want to? If you don’t, I can—”
“I do,” you say. “Thank you.”
“Yeah, of course.” Steve stands, hand outstretched so you’ll give him your empty plate. “I’m going inside. Anybody want anything?”
“Doritos!” Robin shouts.
“Napkins, please,” El says.
“Cherry Coke!” Mike calls.
“Beer!” Eddie whoops.
“Doritos, napkins, got it. The cooler is right there, Wheeler, and are you kidding, Eddie? No drinking by the pool. Have we not learned our lesson from the last four years?”
“Bold of you to assume I’ve learned anything, Steven.”
“Can you bring us popsicles?” Max asks. “Lemon and grape.”
“Ooh, popsicles sound good,” says Robin. “Bring me one too. Fruit punch.”
Steve sighs, lifting his arms.
“Two hands, guys. Only got two.”
“I can help,” you offer.
“Now that’s a great idea,” Robin says. “The two of you in the kitchen, alone. Really brilliant, don’t you think, Steve?”
Steve glares at her. Then he turns to you, expression softening.
“That’d be great, thank you.”
You follow him into the kitchen. It looks exactly like the last time you were here, except for the food. Steve opens the freezer and digs through the box of popsicles. Then he takes the pitcher of lemonade out of the fridge and sets it on the counter.
“Can you get the Doritos?” he asks. “They’re up there.”
You open a shelf over the stove. The chips are at the very top. You try jumping; all that does is bang your ribs into the counter.
"Whoa, whoa.”
Steve’s hand rests on your back. Your stomach swoops. 
"Easy, Buttercup. I’ll get it, sorry ‘bout that."
You frown. "The Doritos have eluded me."
"They’re a tricky bunch," he says, reaching and successfully grabbing the chips.
"I knew you’d best me and succeed."
"Best you?" 
"Yes," you say. "Like in a duel."
Steve tilts his head, a tiny crinkle forming in the center of his brows. 
"Are we going to duel? Like Inigo and Westley?"
"Not if I can help it," you say. "I'm terrible with a sword."
"I would never try to sword fight you." 
"I appreciate that."
His hand slips from your back. You watch it fall to his side.
“Feel free to help yourself to whatever you want,” Steve says as he takes a glass out of the cupboard. “You can also take food home.”
You exhale through your nose and wiggle your fingers a little, trying to stave off the nerves. You wish Joan was in your pocket right now, but you left her on the deck chair. 
“Buttercup?” 
You look up. Steve has a glass of lemonade in one hand. The top button of his polo shirt is undone. Was it always undone? You can’t remember. 
Anyway, he’s beautiful. And you’re so damn strange.
“Yes, Westley?”
Steve smiles. You don’t think anyone has ever smiled at you as much as Steve does. 
“Everything okay?” he asks.
He puts the glass in front of you. You glance at it, then back at him.
“Everything’s fine.”
“Are you sure? I won’t force you to drink my crappy lemonade if you don’t want to, y’know.”
“You called me strange,” you blurt. “When we first met.”
Steve’s eyes widen. 
“I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” he says softly. “But I won’t call you that anymore if you don’t like it.”
“No, I–I know you didn’t mean it in a bad way. But…”
He nods, encouraging you to continue.
“I’m not like Debbie,” you say. 
“I know.”
“I’ll probably never be like Debbie.”
“I much prefer you as yourself,” he says.
“Oh.”
You sip your lemonade. Your lips pucker but you smile all the same.
“Damn,” Steve says with a chuckle. “I really can’t nail that lemonade, huh?”
“It’s wonderful,” you whisper. 
He takes a step forward. You set the glass on the counter.
“Can I kiss you?” he asks.
“I would very much like that.”
Steve’s lips are slightly chapped. You taste like lemonade and he tastes like Coke and God, you like it so much.
You loop your arms around his neck like you’ve wanted to do for weeks. He returns in kind, both hands slipping to your waist. 
It’s not just a boy kissing you. It’s Steve.
The sliding glass door whooshes open and you jerk your head back in surprise. Max and Dustin trod in. 
Dustin shrieks. 
“Seriously? This is what was taking you so long?”
“If you were gonna do that, we would’ve gotten the popsicles ourselves,” Max says with a huff, grabbing the popsicles and chips from the counter. 
“Told ya they were making out!” comes Eddie’s voice from outside. “I warned you, kiddies!”
They clear out, with one last stink eye from Dustin. Steve shakes his head, nose pressed to your cheek.
“Again, very sorry about them.”
“They wanted to check in on their favorite babysitter,” you say.
Steve lifts his head and rolls his eyes. “I need a padlock or something.”
You hum and lean over to unwrap a popsicle. 
“Oh,” you say. “Three left.”
“Three popsicles?”
“Mmhm.”
“Well, that explains it. Astronomical bad luck, right?”
“Actually,” you say, leaning in for another kiss. “I think my theory was wrong.”
1K notes · View notes
latanyalove · 5 months
Text
When You're Injured PT Two
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So sorry for posting this so late! Thank you for all of the support in the previous part, which is here! Part 3 is coming soon! WC: 3,513.
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As Law worked on his paperwork, he felt the stress building inside him. He had been working on it for hours, and yet he still hadn't made any headway. He was starting to feel overwhelmed and frustrated by the seemingly never-ending pile of documents. He felt like he was wasting his time, and it was only making him more anxious.
Law took a deep breath and tried to focus on the task in front of him. He knew he could do it if he just stayed focused and kept pushing through. He took another deep breath and forced himself to keep going. He knew he could do this, and he was determined to finish the task.
Rubbing his temple, Law heard someone open the door. He looked up to see his navigator standing in the doorway, a concerned look on his face.
"Law, are you alright? You've been in here for hours and I was starting to worry," Bepo said.
Law nodded and tried to smile. "I'm doing alright, I just have a lot of paperwork to finish," he said.
Bepo nodded and stepped into his office. "Do you need help with anything?" he asked.
Law shook his head and smiled. "No, it's okay," he said. "I can handle it. But thank you for offering."
"Oh! Maybe I should bring Y/N to make you feel calm," Bepo said out loud as if it was supposed to be a thought.
Hearing your name made his eyes widen and his heart start to race. He quickly tried to compose himself, not wanting Bepo to know the affect your name had on him.
You were a special case.
Law had taken a rather special interest in you because of your Devil Fruit, the Yume Yume no Mi, the ability to shoot a cosmic ray to make people fall asleep for a desired amount of time or fall asleep so deep that they could die.
You also had the ability to control people's emotions, but only if a flower was present. He had found himself drawn to you and your ability, and you two had become close.
Although he was embarrassed to admit it, he felt calmer just by being around you.
"Have you seen her around recently?" He asked Bepo in an 'uninterested' tone.
Bepo shook his head and replied, "Nope but I saw her with Ikkaku going into the forest. Why do you ask?"
Law felt a wave of disappointment wash over him. He knew that he had no right to be disappointed, but he couldn't help it. He had been hoping to see you to help him with his paperwork, and he had been looking forward to spending time with you.
He quickly brushed away his disappointment, not wanting Bepo to know how he felt. He forced a smile onto his face and said, "I was just wondering. I'm sure I can finish this by myself."
Bepo nodded, not seeming to notice Law's sudden mood change. "Well, if you need anything, just let me know. I'll be around," he said as he was about to leave his office.
"Hey Captain, I heard my name being said," Ikkaku said, looking at Law curiously. "What's going on?"
Ikkaku stepped into the room and saw Law and Bepo, both of them looking surprised to see her.
"Oh nothing-" Law started but Bepo continued, "We were talking about Y/N, wasn't she with you last? I heard you two were headed to the forest."
Ikkaku nodded, confirming Bepo's question. "Yes, we were. We were looking for some materials but we parted ways to cover more ground. Why do you ask?"
"We were just wondering if she was coming soon," Bepo added.
Ikkaku looked shocked as she said, "I thought she already came back since I didn't see her for a while,"
Law glanced towards the window, the sun was slowly sinking behind the horizon, casting a golden hue over the sky and painting the clouds a soft pink. The sky was alight with a mesmerizing array of colors, as the sun's final rays of the day illuminated the sky in a beautiful display.
Strange, he thought to himself, you should be back by now. You usually do a daily report to him before you go to sleep so it can't be that.
He couldn't help but worry, as he knew that the forest was a dangerous place and anything could have happened to you.
He finally decided. "I'm going for a walk," He said in a nonchalant tone. He wanted to check if you were okay. He figured a quick walk to the forest wouldn't hurt anyway.
He thanked Bepo and Ikkaku and left the office, quickly making his way to the forest.
Bepo and Ikkaku watched as Law left the office, both of them with a knowing grin on their faces. They knew he was worried about Y/N and was going to check up on you. They knew him that long to know that.
They watched him leave the submarine and jump onto the island, heading towards the forest.
Ikkaku stated, "Well I think Y/N likes Captain more than he realises." Bepo nodded in agreement, "I hope Captain returns her feelings."
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The forest was dark and still, with a creepy atmosphere that even Law could sense. The shadows of the trees seemed to stretch out, creating a menacing atmosphere, and an eerie silence hung in the air. The wind whispered through the trees, carrying a chill that made Law's skin crawl.
He could feel eyes watching him as he made his way through the forest, and he could almost sense the danger that lurked in the darkness. He knew that this forest was full of unknown creatures and secrets, and he was careful to stay alert as he made his way forward.
"Y/N! Y/N, where are you!" Law yelled out as he gripped the sword firmly in his hand.
His voice echoed through the forest, but there was no reply. He kept calling out your name, but all he heard was the rustling of the trees and the chirping of the birds. He finally stopped and took a deep breath, his heart racing as he tried to think of what he should do next.
He was about to turn back when he heard a faint voice calling out his name.
He immediately rushed towards the voice, pushing himself to walk faster and faster as he heard the voice call out again. He could hear the pain in your voice, and it sent a wave of panic through him.
Did something happen to you? Was there anyone still on this island? Were they after you? Why you and not him?
Suddenly, a loud scream pierced through the silence, echoing through the forest and making Law jump in shock. Without thinking, he started to run, his heart pounding in his chest as he raced towards the source of the scream.
He was filled with dread as he ran, fearing the worst. He could feel his heart in his throat as he ran faster and faster, his feet pounding on the ground as he desperately ran towards the scream.
"Don't! Please stop!-"
Anger started to boil in him as he ran, his blood pumping through his veins as he thought of all the possible dangers you could be facing. He wanted to reach you as soon as possible and make sure you were safe.
He pushed himself harder, and soon he could see the clearing ahead. He was so close, and he could only hope that he was in time. . . .
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"So what are pirates like you doing here?" you asked.
You had heard rumors about the Heart Pirates docking on your island, so when you saw a ship docked near the shore, you knew it was them. You approached cautiously, not sure what to expect.
Everyone seemed to be on edge, no one daring to approach the pirates or even speak to them. Everyone was aware of their reputation, and the potential danger that they could bring. All eyes were on them, and the atmosphere was tense. Everyone was cautious, not wanting to be seen as a threat.
But you were different. You walked straight towards them with a smile on your face, your steps firm and confident. You knew that if you showed any fear, they would take it as a sign of weakness and attack.
So you kept your head held high and your shoulders back, determined to show them that you were not afraid. You kept your gaze steady as you approached them, your heart racing as you wondered what they would do.
As you got closer, the Captain, Trafalgar D Water Law, looked up at you with caution. He had a stern expression on his face. His eyes narrowed as he looked at you up and down. He was clearly not expecting anyone to approach them, and he was apprehensive about the situation.
Despite his caution, there was a hint of curiosity in his gaze as he looked at you, as if he was trying to figure out who you were and why you were here. He seemed to be assessing the situation, trying to figure out if you were a threat or not.
He remained silent, his eyes never leaving your face as he waited for you to speak.
"So what are pirates like you doing here?" you asked.
He was slightly shocked at the calmness in your voice but still replied, "We're only here to repair our submarine and then we'll be gone."
The villagers, who had been whispering and murmuring to each other before, got louder and more animated after seeing your interaction with the captain. They seemed to be surprised and intrigued by your boldness and even more so by the captain's response.
They exchanged glances, whispers, and nods as they discussed what had just happened.
"By any chance, did you see any ships around-"
"Miss. Y/N! You can't run off like that!" An elderly woman screamed as she pushed her way through the crowd in front of her. "Master wants you back immediately!...."
When the woman saw you talking with Law, she became quiet and her eyes widened in shock. She stopped in her tracks, her mouth hanging open as she stared at the two of you. It was clear that she was completely taken aback by the scene before her.
"Master? Who's Master?" "I heard she's a slave for the Leader, the poor soul," "Look at her clothes, they're filthy,"
Like an unruly flame, rumors ignited and spread throughout the crowd. The certainty that couldn't be denied, even though it was only whispered within gossipy circles.
Law looked at you with a neutral expression, as if the rumours had no effect on him. His eyes were clear and his gaze steady, showing no signs of pity or sympathy.
He seemed to accept the situation as it was, without passing judgement.
Something you haven't seen in a while.
"Y/N L/N! You are to be taken back to your cell!" Royal guards stated loudly as they charged in the same direction.
The crowd parted to make way for the guards, and the woman stepped aside without a word. The guards were armed with guns and were determined to take you away. Law remained still and watched as the guards approached.
He seemed to be deep in thought, his brows furrowed in concentration. He looked up at you and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, you raised your hand up.
"Tell the leader not to follow me, I'm not coming back,"
At first thought, a cosmic ray shot from your hand and everyone except for you and Law had dropped to the ground. The villagers were unconscious, their bodies limp and their breathing shallow.
The Royal Guards had also been affected by the ray and the only sounds that could be heard were the faint whimpers from the villagers and the echoes of the guards' armor clattering on the ground.
Law stood in stunned silence, his eyes wide with shock as his gaze shifted from the unconscious villagers to you.
He had only one thought in his mind. He had to know more about your ability.
"What were you going to ask?"
"If you've seen any other ships around the area, it doesn't matter if it's a pirate ship. I just want to leave here-"
"Then come with me and join my crew."
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He didn't know why that memory flashed in his mind. The time he had first met you.
Was it because he knew there was a chance that you could die? Or was it because he felt a deep connection with you in that moment? Or maybe it was something else entirely?
Whatever the reason, the memory of their first meeting stayed with him long after.
He ran faster and faster, his heart pounding as the memory kept playing in his head. He ran until his lungs burned and his legs ached, but he still kept going, as if running away from the memory would make it disappear.
"Sir! Please stop!"
"Looks like you've lost your manners. You only address me as Master," His voice was demanding, with a hint of anger.
"I'm sorry," There seemed to be a pause. "Master. I didn't realize I had lost my manners. It won't happen again."
"Now you are going to come with me and stop this little adventure of yours, you know you're mine,"
"I bought you. I own you. You are my possession. You don't just get to leave me when you want."
As the voices grew, he felt his heart racing with fear. He knew he was going to be confronted with something unpleasant, and he felt a chill run down his spine.
He knew he had to face whatever it was that was waiting for him, so he took a deep breath and prepared himself for what was to come.
He saw a clearing ahead and what he saw made his blood run cold.
There was a man strangling you and you were grabbing his hands, trying to break free. He wanted to run in and save you, but he was frozen in place, unable to do anything.
He watched, helplessly, as the man tightened his grip around your neck, and he felt a rage unlike anything he had ever felt before.
He didn't know why, but the sense of rage and fear that had taken over his body made him forget everything else. He dropped his sword and ran towards them, not caring about the consequences and only focused on saving you. He was determined to do whatever it took to get you away from the man's grip.
Get away from her. Leave her alone. Don't touch her.
He felt a surge of adrenaline as he threw the man to the ground. He was filled with rage, and he could barely contain himself. He punched the man again and again, and the man let out a loud groan.
Law was determined to make sure the man wouldn't hurt you again. He kept punching him until his knuckles were bloody, and he could feel the man's body going limp beneath his fists. He continued to punch him until he felt the man's body go still, though he still wasn't satisfied.
Until suddenly, a sense of calmness filled his body, making him confused. He looked around, not quite sure what had just happened. He could feel his heart rate slowing down, and the anger slowly draining away from his body.
He felt a strange sense of peace and tranquility, as if he had just been released from a spell.
He was so overwhelmed by the sudden change that he didn't know what to do. He looked around and saw the man lying on the ground, unconscious and badly beaten.
There was no one else that could have made him feel like that. Except you.
He quickly turned around to look at you, your hand out towards him.
You used your power on him.
He could see the fear in your eyes, but there was also something else there, something he couldn't quite put his finger on. He slowly walked towards you, never taking his eyes off you.
He felt a sudden surge of panic as he watched your hand drop to your side, and he rushed to your side.
He quickly put his ear to your chest, listening for your breathing and heartbeat. When he heard them, he let out a sigh of relief. He slowly placed his hands on either side of your face, gently cupping it in his hands. He looked into your eyes and smiled, relieved that you were still alive.
"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper as he looked into your eyes, searching for any sign of discomfort or pain.
"I- I'm okay," You answered, your voice shaking as you looked into his eyes.
"Are you sure?"
". . . . No,"
"He's not going to touch you again, I promise." Law reassured you, gently brushing a strand of hair away from your face. "No one will ever hurt you again," he said in a soft voice, his eyes never leaving yours.
He reached up and ran his thumb over your cheek, wiping away a tear that had escaped your eye.
Even though you nodded at his statement, it did not provide him with any reassurance at all.
"Law?"
"Yes Y/N?"
"I don't think I'm going to make it back," You shakily said, lowering your shirt to reveal a green patch that was spreading across your arms and chest so that Law could see it.
Law's eyes widened in shock as he stared at the spots that had spread across your body. He had no idea what it meant, but he could tell that it wasn't good. He quickly put his hand on your forehead, feeling your temperature.
Too hot for you.
As soon as he noticed you were starting to close your eyes, he immediately stopped you and said, "Hey, hey, stay awake,"
"I'm sorry for troubling you-"
"You're not," Law replied, taking a position where he would be able to carry you while using one hand to grab the sword that he had dropped onto the floor.
It was then that he stood up with you and started to run back, now seeing that there were hundreds of men scattered across the area that lay motionless, having been the victims of your abilities.
When he looked down at your weak form, he wondered how on earth you had been able to defend yourself against so many people at once.
Please stay awake a little longer.
"Law?" Your lips trembled as your gaze wandered unconsciously across his chest.
"Yes Y/N? I'm right here, just keep talking."
"If I die, I just want you to know that I've liked you for a while now."
In the middle of his steps, he froze in place.
"What?"
All of his coursing thoughts were made into one single question: You liked him?
"I thought I was being too obvious but it seems that even the Surgeon of Death can't even catch on to things like that." You chuckled to yourself yet there was no amusement on your face.
As you glanced up at him, hoping to see if it was a smile or a grin, you were surprised to see that it wasn't either, but rather one of horror.
You knew it. He never did like you.
"Leave me here. More reinforcements are going to come now and they're stronger than ever. I'll keep them back so you can escape-"
"Stop talking."
"But-"
In an instant, a glance had you stop what you were going to say, instead you paid attention to your breathing and not the reaction that he showed to your confession.
Law was everything but calm at this point: you were currently dying of an unknown injury, more reinforcements were coming for you and you just confessed your feelings to him.
You were a big part of his problems, yet he couldn't just let you go.
There's never been a feeling like that for him before.
He would miss you even though he saw you an hour ago. He got into flowers because it was part of your ability. He'd let you stay in his office and he wouldn't mind.
For goodness sake, he ate bread because you asked him to!
Could it be that he was also in love with you?
Feeling your head drop back made him jump slightly, and he quickly moved to cradle you in his arms. He felt a chill run through his body as he realized you was slipping away.
He quickly put his fingers on your neck and felt for a pulse, but it was slow and fading. Fear began to surge through him as he realized that time was of the essence.
He didn't want to admit it but he was losing you. . . .
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runningfrom2am · 5 months
Text
leveling the playing field X
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summary: with nowhere else to go after getting caught cheating to help lucy gray, you both make some desperately stupid decisions.
pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader
wc: 3.1k
tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and mentions of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing but that's neither here nor there
masterlists // nav // requests
a/n: hi all!! i have some slightly annoying news (I'm so sorry) but i think i have to close my taglist for this fic and for other coryo stuff (which i am working on bc I've seen the requests!!) bc its gone up almost 150 people and i can only tag 50 people per post and it is SO much work to tag everyone individually even after i paste them in and i don't want to have to reblog it 2 or 3 times to tag everyone :(. I'm so sorry like i said ik its annoying but if you'd like to be the first to know ab new parts and you're not already in my taglist, feel free to turn on my post notifs!! that way you'll also see everything else including my asks ab the fic where i answer more questions and we talk theories and all that fun stuff :)
next part
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Coriolanus was having a hard time adjusting to the life of a peacekeeper, but he was getting there. He sent off that letter for you almost as soon as he arrived, but was yet to receive a response so that seemed like an answer enough. He had to forget you, especially if he wasn't going back to the Capitol anytime soon.
He was homesick, to say the very least. Both of his bunkmates were out, likely working, but he didn't care much to know exactly where. He was just relieved to have a moment to himself to wallow in his self-pity, chest constricting tighter and tighter with every breath.
A door slammed shut down the hall, followed quickly by his own door opening- at which he held his breath. He had to get it together.
"Is this bunk taken?" Someone asks, a voice not belonging to either of his bunkmates, but he recognizes it nonetheless.
He shot up straight, taking in the appearance of the boy in front of him. "Sejanus!" He had never been happier to see his classmate, hopping out of his top bunk to quickly give him a hug.
"This is a surprisingly warm welcome for someone who almost got you killed." Sejanus chuckled, hugging him back.
Coryo laughs slightly, pulling away and grabbing his shoulders. "Oh, no. Quite the opposite. What are you doing here?"
"About the same as you." He shrugs, sliding his things under the bed below Coryo's. "They were going to expel me, but my dad paid them for my grad certificate and let them send me here. They got a new gym on the condition that they let us both graduate."
Coryo should be relieved, but a graduation certificate doesn't matter much if he's stuck here for the next twenty years. "And Y/N/N?" He asks.
"Y/N?" Sejanus asks, lifting his head back in confusion. "What about her?"
"Did she graduate too?"
"I... I don't know, I didn't know she was in trouble. We were told she was sick."
Coriolanus's stomach drops. That's a story he'd certainly heard before, and he didn't like at all how that ended. He swallows, nodding a little bit as he looks at the floor. "So you didn't see her at all?"
"No... Not since the last time I saw you." Sejanus states. It had been a few weeks now. "But, her mother came to our door a week or so ago, real early in the morning. Ma shooed me away but I heard them talking, it seemed like she didn't know where Y/N was either. She was looking for her, wondering if any of us had seen her."
Again, this is what Coryo had seen before with what happened to Clemensia. Her parents weren't allowed to see her at all while she was in the hospital. "I think she's dead." He admits.
"What? What makes you say that?" His friend gasps.
"I... I heard her screaming when I left our meeting with Highbottom." Coriolanus explains. "At first it was normal Y/N screaming, you know, but then it got worse and worse until it just... stopped." He hoped Sejanus would change his story, that he would remember seeing you at school or on the streets or at one of your parent's obnoxious parties, having a good time, and being yourself. That maybe he had just forgotten, but the look on Sejanus's face tells him that didn't happen.
It was Sejanus's turn to look down now, giving a solemn nod. "I mean, no." He laughs suddenly, shaking his head. "They wouldn't kill her on campus- if you could hear it, she's not dead. They wouldn't kill her just like that, right?" He says, trying to convince himself of that truth. "Surely she's just sick. Maybe grounded, or something."
"Yeah, yeah. Probably..." Coriolanus concedes, hoping that somehow Sejanus was right.
Simultaneously, you were adjusting beautifully to life in District Twelve. You got in the habit of borrowing Lucy Gray and Barb Azure's clothes, and they let you sleep on the floor between their beds. For the first time in your life, you were free. No one knew you, no one had a single expectation of you besides Tam Amber appreciating your help with the goats and occasionally going to the market with Lucy Gray and Maude Ivory to get food. It was refreshing, to say the very least. Everyday you felt yourself unwinding more and more.
"Do you play any instruments, Y/N?" Maude Ivory asks you, skipping to catch up to you as you hike down a trail out to the lake with the rest of the covey.
"I do, actually." You nod at her, a small smile on your face. "Try three."
"Three!" She claps excitedly. "What do you play? You'll have to perform with us! Do they have different instruments where you're from?"
"Not really." You giggle, putting your hands in the pockets of your bright red skirt. "I play the piano, and the violin, which is just like Clerk Carmine's fiddle, but much more boring, and a harp, if you've ever heard of that."
"You play the fiddle?" The young girl smiles.
"Not like he does." You smile at the boy as he walks ahead of you, not paying any attention.
"I'm sure you're just as well." Lucy Gray interjects, bumping her shoulder with yours as she walks next to you. "Maude Ivory, you should hear her projection. I'm yet to hear her sing, but boy, can she yell."
"I can't sing." You laugh, shaking your head. "Back home you don't sing unless you're training for the opera, and you have to start that around the same time you learn to walk. My parents would rather me learn the piano."
"Then why am I the one yellin' at all our shows? You should step up." Maude Ivory giggles, and you just shake your head, ruffling her hair.
"I definitely couldn't do it nearly as well as you." You insist. "Besides, I have stage fright." You joke, mostly to get her off your back.
She laughs as she fixes her hair, running to catch up with the kids in front of her.
"She just adores you." Lucy Gray smiles. "It's nice to have a new face around."
You smile, watching Maude Ivory collect flowers from the side of the road. "She reminds me of my brother. They're about the same age."
"Right, you lent me his guitar." Lucy Gray says, a particular sadness in her tone tipping you off that she believes you should be upset about leaving him. You miss him, sure, but he's better off now with you gone. Besides, he couldn't be any worse than you. Your parents have always doted over him, and there's no doubt in your mind that now that you are gone, it's multiplied.
"Yes. That's him." You reply, accompanying a moment of silence between the two of you.
"Do you miss him?"
"Sure." You nod, kicking a small stone down the path in front of you. "But he's better off without me there. That brings me enough peace to sleep at night."
"Hey, can I ask you something?"
"Shoot." You smile at her, grateful for the change of topic.
"What happened to Coriolanus?" For the first time in weeks, you feel a pinch of discontent in your gut at her question.
"I don't know." You lie, shrugging your shoulders. You don't even know why you felt the urge to lie at all, you knew he was here somewhere but you hadn't seen him once. Out of sight, out of mind is what you have been trying to convince yourself. "He's alive, I'm sure. Peacekeeping in one of the districts probably."
"Oh, I was hoping you would know more."
"It would be nice." You agree. "But he's not exactly in my good graces at the moment."
"It feels so out of character for him to betray you like that, doesn't it?" Lucy Gray asks.
You laugh, shaking your head. "It was unusual. That's what I thought, anyway." You sigh, giving a slight shrug. "I haven't told anyone, but we had... I don't know, a moment, a few weeks ago. During the games. Just a couple of days later and he's throwing me under the bus like I meant nothing to him. We've been friends for years- I thought everything was about to change for the better, and then..."
"That's cruel." She says disapprovingly. "I bet he's sorry now that you're gone with the wind. He's regretting it. I promise you that much."
You smile slightly at the thought, allowing yourself to entertain it, if only for a moment. "He better be."
"Is that for me? Oh, c'mon y'all, you know that I gave up drinkin' when I was twelve..." Lucy Gray says, taking a sip out of the clear liquor bottle someone in the audience handed to her. "Oh, It's to clear my pipes, just to clear my pipes." She clarifies, tossing the bottle back into the audience.
Coriolanus watches leaning against the side wall of The Hob. He's happy to see that Lucy Gray is back to doing what she loved, and she made it home alive and well. He's also more than pleased to finally get off the barracks for something other than work. "Now, who's ready for a song, huh?" She smiles, looking down off the stage to her right. "Okay, comin' right up. First, I'd like to introduce to the stage with a big welcome, a grand ole friend of mine, The lovely Sage!" She says, giggling at her rhyme as another girl climbs up on stage, giving Maude Ivory and Lucy Gray a quick hug each.
Coriolanus looks away as the crowd cheers, scanning the crowd for Sejanus who had just excused himself to grab a drink a couple minutes ago. He's wondering where his roommate could have disappeared to when Lucy Gray's friend starts speaking.
"Well hello, everyone, so lovely to meet you all! I have never felt so welcome anywhere." His head snaps back to the stage. He'd know that Capitol accent anywhere, even as you pause to allow any cheers to quiet down. "I mean that." You grin, hands clutched to your chest. "And that feels so good, considering Lucy Gray all but forced me up here." You laugh, draping an arm over her shoulder, letting her take back over. How could this be real? Coryo is tempted to rub his eyes or pinch himself to make sure he's even awake. He was so sure you were dead, but despite the different name and completely different clothes, he was positive it was you. The pang in his chest made that obvious, along with the wave of surrealism that suddenly surrounded him so all he could see was you.
"Now, my beautiful girl Sage here will be taking over for our friend on the fiddle, we'll give the band a quick break, and we're gonna have a bit of a change of pace while she's lending us her talents." Lucy Gray says, and Coriolanus watches as you take the beat-up violin from the young boy gratefully. He knew you played, but he hadn't heard it for years. You looked so calm, something he wasn't sure he had seen in public since you were young. He can't pull his eyes from your figure as it graces the stage with your presence, lighting up the room even if it was only for him.
A small smile grows on his face as you start to play, several whistles echoing through the room before Lucy Gray even joins in with her singing. He wants to scream, to cheer and clap and yell and tell everyone in this dark, rundown building that this 'Sage' was his. Inarguably and undoubtedly his. Coryo's pride is only curtailed when he recognizes the song; it was the ballad Lucy Gray played in her interview on your brother's guitar.
The sophistication your violin playing brought to the piece almost made it sadder and infinitely more haunting. It's beautiful. Now with your classical touch, the song sets a pit of guilt in his stomach. That somehow, even without you singing, it's now a ballad from you to him.
"Just let me remind you what I am to you..."
He makes eye contact with Lucy Gray as he shifts his gaze away from you. She pauses for only a moment, hands still moving rhythmically over the strings of her guitar. She smiles and nods at him, jaw slightly agape as she glances back at you to see if you noticed him. When it's clear you haven't, she gets back on track with the words within only a moment.
"'Cause I am the one who looks out when you're leaping. I am the one who knows how you were brave..."  Your lips turn up in a small smile as she sings, eyes still shut while you focus. Even though he's sure you're thinking of him, it doesn't bring him much consolation. Well, at least you were thinking of him. He would take it.
The song ends as quickly as it starts, and despite the slower tone, the audience is still excited. More so as the band returns to the stage and you return the violin to Clerk Carmine before turning back around to give a bow. You wave out to the audience, reveling in the whistles and praise before reaching out for an extended hand, accepting it as its owner helps you down. "That was stunnin', where'd you learn to play like that? I've never heard anything quite like it." The man asks, still holding your hand out in between you.
"Oh, thank you. I've been playing my whole life." You grin as the music picks up again.
"Can you dance like you can play?" He asks, lifting your arm to spin you.
"I can certainly try." You laugh, going along with it as he pulls you into a more open space of the crowd, and to Coriolanus, it seems like you're taunting him. You're dancing like you don't have a care in the world, dressed in a skirt that looked like it was made out of a red bed sheet cut up and stitched back together in half-hazard squares, and what looked like one of your t-shirts cut up into a tank top that exposes most of your stomach and back. Appallingly too, a smile present on your face that he had dreamt of seeing again one day but was certain he never would. The only problem is that you're dancing with someone else. Not that he was much of a dancer, but he could try if he had known that's what you wanted.
He's planning his method of attack. He can't leave without speaking to you, because he doesn't even know if you'll be back here the next time he gets a day off. Though, based on your appearance and newfound carelessness, it's likely.
His urge is just to kiss you, but the only thing holding him back is that it could set you off. If you hadn't heard his apology from miles away, would you still be angry at him? But actions speak louder than words. He knows that physicality works with you, and it was hard to deny that he hadn't dreamt of how soft your lips felt on his for weeks. One time was just simply not enough for Coryo.
Coriolanus scowls as the man you're dancing with spins you again, making you laugh as he drapes an arm around your waist.
Maybe he should get Sejanus, see if he's seen you yet.
Another spin, and a hand sliding lower down your bare back as the man pulls you closer, his fingers landing on the waistband of your skirt. When was the last time that scumbag had so much as washed his hands? Coryo wonders to himself, rage boiling up under his skin.
Kiss her. Definitely kiss her.
But if the song choice was any indicator, you definitely weren't pleased with him. It couldn't be, though, because how would you know he would be in attendance? Coryo finds his feet carrying him through the crowd, pushing past a dozen carelessly drunk people in his effort to get to you before he's even thought it all through.
Your brow furrows as a body forces itself between you and your dancing partner. "Hey! What are you-" You cut yourself off, hypnotized by the cold blue eyes staring down at you.
That's my girl. Even though you're angry, Coriolanus is grateful to be the object of your gaze once more.
"'Scuse me, man, do you mind?" The man says, making an effort to push Coryo away. He turns, and before you can intervene he's swinging his fist right at the other guy's face, finding its target in a fraction of a second.
He stumbles back, grabbing his face as it immediately drips blood from his nose onto the floor. There are gasps in the crowd as it disperses around you.
"Hey, settle down, settle down now." You hear Lucy Gray call out amidst the music playing in the background while you grab the back of Coryo's shirt, pulling him back before he continues to beat up your dancing partner.
"Coriolanus, what are you doing here?" You shout over the music. He shakes out his fist, turning back to you now and grabbing your face, pulling you closer to kiss you instead of dignifying you with a response. His actions would certainly speak louder.
You want to be angry, but that falters as you feel his lips on yours again, his hands planted firmly on either side of your waist as he holds onto you so tight you weren't sure breathing was an option- even if you could. You followed him here, of course you wanted to see him, but how could he betray you so easily and expect forgiveness in a kiss?
It takes you longer than it probably should to build up the courage to place your hands on his chest, shoving him back. "What is wrong with you?" You spit, looking him up and down in the blue uniform signified of a peacekeeper off duty.
"What's wrong with me?" He asks, looking around and gauging how many people were even taking notice. "What do you mean, Y/N/N, I wanted to-" Clearly you hadn't heard his silent apology, or it just wasn't enough.
"Hey!" You hiss, jumping at him and attempting to cover his mouth at the use of your nickname, and he quickly swats away your hand. "Let's go. Outside, now." You shove him back by his chest, pointing towards the exit.
You look up at Lucy Gray on stage, still singing as she watches you nervously. You give her a nod and a small reassuring smile before linking arms with Coryo and guiding him toward the door. Just like old times.
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taglist: @keziahcore, @kitscutie, @annaelise, @serrendiipty, @fratboyharrysgf0201, @totallynotkaibiased, @stelleduarte, @klplynn, @secretsicanthideanymore, @bejeweledreverie, @gloryekaterina, @andrewgarfieldsbitch, @queenofspades6, @pepperonipastas, @ladybug0095, @lunamothwrites, @sbrewer21, @mus-tbe-a-weasley, @splxtscreen, @unclecrunkle, @karmaswitch, @coconut-dreamz, @nekee-lilac02, @ooooglymoooogly, @riddlerloveb0t, @lovedbalances, @notyourwildestdream, @snowlandson-top, @too-lit-for-fanfic, @utopiakys, @deafeningballoonnacho, @roosterschanelslut, @chmpgneprblem, @cosmoetik, @lauravanderbooben20, @dry0campa, @luclue, @lokidala, @urvampgfsworld, @carolanns-world @nan-nie, @shakespearseclipse, @iovemoonyy, @notyoursweetheart-honey,  @xyzstar, @eatpizzasass, @slytherinholland, @queenofshinigamis, @elodiebeau, @soulessjourney
i've closed my taglist for coryo now!! sorry to everyone who wanted to be added, but unfortunately there was significantly more demand than i expected and i sadly just cant tag everyone. BUT! if you still want notifications when i post for this fic, please turn on my post notifs!!
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leonw4nter · 29 days
Text
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Silver Screen
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RE2R!Leon x F!Reader modern AU (The 300 followers special!)
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You walk into the room, an iPad opened to the latest installment of the fanfiction series you’ve been following for quite some time carried in the nook of your arm and salted caramel boba tea in the other. Setting the sugary drink on the table beside your spot on the couch, you temporarily put your iPad down to get into a comfortable position in the small pillow and blanket nest you’ve made for yourself. With a pleased sigh and an excited grin, you take a long sip of the beverage before finally picking the iPad up and have the coziest time of your life.
You were having a solid few hours of the coziest time of your life until you heard some soft sniffling coming from somewhere in the living room along with the faint pads of feet against the wooden floorboards. You look up, your eyes finally focused on something else other than pixels that formed words on a bright screen. There, you see him: your roommate Leon whose face is in his hands, ears red, and what seems to be muffled crying– no, sobbing as he walks around in circles.
Concerned for your friend and roommate, you get up from your place and walk up to him. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
You place a hand on his broad back, patting and gently stroking it back and forth. Leon finally lifts his head up, wiping off his tears with the sleeve of his dark green sweatshirt.
“This author was not playing around, ended up crying.” is all he said which prompted you to try and hold back a giggle. So he’s been reading fics too, you think to yourself.
“Can I read it?” you ask, to which he nods and fishes his phone out from the pocket of his plaid pajama pants.
“Lemme find it real quick,” he responds. He’s still sniffling, the waterline of his eyes occasionally brimming with a new batch of salty tears before he blinks them away. He finally finds the fic he’s been reading, handing you his phone while he walks over to the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water to stop hiccuping.
“You sure you’re fine?” you call out before you read.
“Yeah! Fic was just really… it was just something!”
You start reading the fic, your eyes trailing on the words on the screen. The words seemed familiar so you guessed that Leon had stumbled on a fic you’ve read before. Wrong! It was your fic, a fic you finished updating around last night. No wonder it was too familiar. You stared at the phone in your hand with wide eyes like a deer in headlights, a child caught with a jar of sweets in her hands when she shouldn’t have been eating sugary things. Your gaze drifted to Leon in the kitchen, who was still somehow trying to control his breathing while chugging down water like his life depended on it. He didn’t seem to notice the sudden drain of color in your face so you continue to scroll down, checking if he left any likes or reblogs or comments on your work. Another bombshell dropped: he’s the top reader of your work and the one that’s been keyboard smashing in the comments, along with the… soulful, emotional reblogs. His account is the one that’s religiously kept up with whatever you post, whether it be new fics or just random vents. BiohazardBard, the sweet account who comments nice stuff like “Don’t worry about us, take some time for yourself! U got this!!” and reblogs with tags like “UEIXGOFQWV CRIED SO HARD U DONT EVEN KNOW IEWBRXXR”on angst fanfiction is your roommate and also your crush.
You stand there in silence, mouth ajar as you continue to stare blankly into his phone, unable to process the fact that he’s aware of your online persona but he doesn’t know that it’s you. You exit the app and turn his phone off, walking over to him in the kitchen and give him pats to his shoulder to really make sure that he’s okay. If he’s calmed down then you’re not– internally, that is.
“That fic uh… it truly was something,” you sympathetically say. “Guessed that the part where uh- she leaves him was the one that got the water works going.”
“Oh um nope, it’s the part where things were slowly spiraling down. Got anxious for them then just full-on bawled when shit hit the fan,” he explains with a sheepish smile. “This fic is just bars, I love it so much actually– Might print a copy of this to take to work when I can’t be on my phone.”
To have your fics reblogged and your account be compared to the unburned version of the Library of Alexandria is one thing but to hear your number one dedicated reader say that to your face? After a breakdown? Nothing will ever top that and he doesn’t even know he just ugly-cried in front of the author he keeps up with.
“Imagine someone coming up to the front desk to be like: “hi someone stole my bike” or something and they call you over and their resident cop is just red as hell and all slobbery,” you joke.
“Shut up! I’ll try not to cry, I’m going to build immunity,” he half-jokes before taking another gulp of water.
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You lay awake at night, staring into the dark nothingness of your room. Your feelings are all convoluted– joy, fear, embarrassment, amusement, excitement– and it’s hard to pinpoint what is ruling over you. Finding out that the man whom you’ve been hinting your feelings for is obsessed with your writing? In complete adoration with the products of your mind and skill? Hopefully he doesn’t suss out on your more romantic and sappy fics, inspired by real-life events you experienced with him (with more romantic and glittery bits). It doesn’t take even a minute to decide that you’ll be keeping this secret from him in order to not make anything weird between you two. Leon already seemed embarrassed after having been caught sobbing like that by a mere set of pixels on screen so you decided that this would be best for both of you. Unable to sleep due to the combined combination of boba tea and adrenaline, you sit up and reach for your phone because reading a fic or two before bed doesn’t hurt, right?
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It’s been a few days after the little “incident” and Leon’s been more open with showing you some fics he enjoys, occasionally giving his own reviews and recommendations for you. He’s still the same guy that keyboards smashes on your comments and on his reblogs, which makes you giggle since you know who’s been sending you that. He finally came home from a long day of work only to do some more work outside of office hours, catching up on reports that some absent cops left behind and was handed over to him. Making himself a cup of coffee, he stretches his arms and hands before typing away on his dingy laptop for the next 3 hours. A few hours later, you hear some giggling coming from him so you bring your head up and spot his head once again buried in his hand, ears red but from giggling this time. He swings his legs, accidentally nudging the leg of a chair so he yelps a bit, which tugs a little chuckle from you. His ears pick up on the jolly noise coming from you, his face glowing when he sees you smile (or are you just seeing things?). He asks for you to come over to him and points at something on the screen of his laptop.
“Thought you wanted uninterrupted time for work,” you ask.
“I’m on a break, I think I deserve it,” he confidently says. “Anyways, take a look at this. Starting from here until here.”
You expected that you’d see another fic of yours but it was from another account’s instead, which disappointed you a slight bit but not that you minded too much. You finished reading the lines, the corners of your lips tugged skyward with a subtle splash of baby pink tinting your cheeks.
“Damn, that’s sweet,” you comment. “Gosh, I want what they have.”
“Me too. Like, hey God I’m still here ya know! I’ve seen what you’ve done for others!” Leon adds on.
Um, hey Leon! I’m literally right here! Do you need glasses? I’m right beside you!
Since you two were having a nice moment sharing fics and fic lines, you decided to show Leon some lines from fics you love.
“Take a look at this one,” you say as you hand him your iPad. “His description of her had me clawing at walls and biting my fist.”
Leon takes the gadget from your hands with care and places them beside his laptop, reading the lines. He reads in silence and it appears that he’s going over the line again and again.
“Who wrote this?” he asks.
“Uh, scottfree.”
“I don’t think I’m getting out of this scot-free,” Leon jokes. “Pun intended.”
“And why is that…?”
“Because I wrote that.”
You look at him in confusion, two neurons in your brain making a very, very, very slow connection in this moment.
“You’re scottfree?! And also BiohazardBard?!,” you exclaim. So he’s also scottfree, the writer whose lines you’ve screenshotted takes up about a third of all images on your phone. Amazing.
“How do you know I’m BiohazardBard?!?!,” he exclaims even louder as he gets up from his seat.
“Because um– the fic you cried over some days ago is mine! And I saw your account name and profile and I found out that you’re one of my loyal readers!”
He looks like he’s ready to wither away into nothing, become dust and probably get sucked in a vacuum cleaner.
“God that’s embarrassing,” he quietly mumbles. “Tell me: is that fic the first fic you’ve read from me? My other account, I mean– the one where I post fics.”
“Scottfree? Um, no… I’ve read like– quite a lot, actually.”
He stares blankly at you, unsure on how to absorb the information dumped on him. He’s only got a half-asleep half of a brain cell now since the rest of them were allocated on getting those papers done with the other half of the remaining brain cell, which he thinks is now gone.
“While we’re at this, um. You must know that the descriptions I write for the love interests are usually what I wished I could say to you or how I’d describe you. When he’s telling her how magical it is to be around her presence? I’ve daydreamed one too many times about really saying that you,” he quietly confides in you. “If I want to write another story, I hope I could write it alongside you.”
They really weren’t playing with slow-burn romance where both of them are too shy to confess their feelings. It’s happening to me right now! I’m in the confession part of the story!
“I guess it’s a writer thing for writers to include parts of someone they like in their works because I did the same thing for my works, actually. If I wanna come up with a real sweet line, I just think about you and I wish that I’d say these to you. Maybe I’ll wish that whatever I write the love interest to say, I’ll hear you say them to me too and uh… manifesting is real I guess, I dunno,” you awkwardly laugh. “Guess the feeling’s mutual, huh.”
“Yeah. Wow, this is… this is amazing. Real amazing,” Leon softly says.
“Mhm.”
“So…”
“So… what now…?”
“I guess this makes as mutuals in terms of accounts and feelings," the blond grins.
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NOTE - Once again, thank you to the lovely 310 people who decided to follow me and keep up with whatever I post :)) I first came up with this while I was washing my cats' bowls and I intended for it to be a drabble but I just decided to make it a fic in the end. Still working on other reqs rn so expect some more posts in the coming days <33 If your usernames are somehow the same as the usernames that I made up for this fic then I didn't mean that and it's just a coincidence 😭🙏 Also y'all gotta hear me out on Francis Mosses from That's Not My Neighbor, he's cute :3 Judging from my mlist, I'm not sure if I love RE2R Leon hmm I'm not too sure 🤔 Anyways, that's all and thank you for reading my fics!!!!!!!!! I <33333 UUUUUU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The dividers are made by @benkeibear , the images are made by me (sourced from Pinterest).
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utilitycaster · 1 year
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OGL misconceptions
Since I am still seeing a lot of misinformation out there, I figured I'd do a fact check post. Note that I do not personally have a copy of the leaked draft; some resources are given at the end of the post. See also the 2000 OGL v1.0a here. This is noncomprehensive, is only touching on some of the things I've seen most commonly in the tags [sidebar: the only tag I check regularly is the Critical Role tag, and much of what I've seen on Tumblr is coming from people spamming that tag for general D&D content that only tangentially mentions CR, so...stop doing that.] Finally, this is based on what is a draft, and there are quite possibly going to be updates to the final document. I would also assume that the January 13th effective date will be changed based on the release date of the finalized OGL.
Free fan content is not affected. That is covered by the Fan Content Policy. Your personal homebrew or the weird-ass build you saw on Reddit or the item you saw in a post last week are all fine.
Actual play shows should be largely unaffected, and only merchandise containing WoTC IP would be. (NOTE: original posting of this post had a typo of "affected" for "unaffected"; check your reblogs) Shows like Critical Role, NADDPod, and D20 all use homebrew settings, so that's also unaffected (as is any Exandrian content that was published in the Explorer's Guide and Call of the Netherdeep; that is CR's IP that WoTC has license to use). A show might be affected if they've set the game in a WoTC licensed setting or with a WoTC module (eg: Eberron, Ravenloft), but most of the shows that do that are put out by WoTC anyway. Critical Role and TAZ have, notably, already avoided using copyrighted terms for deities, races, etc. in published non-WoTC works (this is why Melora is exclusively the Wildmother in the Tal'Dorei guides, because "Melora" is WoTC IP, but the idea of a nature goddess is obviously not; this is also why Cree in the Nine Eyes is referred to as catfolk and not a tabaxi, or why Phandalin's name in the TAZ graphic novels is changed to Haverdale). The only reason why a show might need to switch game systems would be if they use a system that is not D&D but is based on D&D's SRD and which will be subject to the OGL changes. Most Pathfinder shows I'm aware of use the Pathfinder SRD (ie, free), and SW5e as used in Starstruck Odyssey is also free. This also only affects the future of those shows.
VTTs (Virtual Tabletop Tools) may be affected, but most of their core features aren't. Battle maps and virtual dice rollers are not WoTC IP. Incorporating the mechanics of D&D into the VTT is, but that would mean actively having a character sheet or monster statblock available within the VTT. You could still just have a dice roller that prompts you for a modifier (which is how I always personally used Foundry). D&D Beyond will not be affected, since it is owned by WoTC. Additionally, many VTTs already have existing agreements specifically with WoTC that will take precedence over the OGL, which is a catch-all for companies that do not have specific licensing agreements. See the WoTC/D&D Beyond blog post here.
Only creators making over $750,000 specifically on material licensed under the OGL will be subject to royalties, and only on income in excess of $750,000. This means that if you put something up on DMs Guild and make $500, you are fine and owe nothing. If you make $749,999, you owe nothing. If you make $750,100, you owe the 25% royalty only on the $100 you are making above $750,000. WoTC predicts under two dozen companies will actually be affected by this at this time; they are all fairly big names within the D&D content arena such as Paizo, Darrington Press (CR's imprint), Hit Point Press, Green Ronin, Kobold Press, etc. Royalties also are said to begin in 2024, so companies have a year to decide what to do.
Now for the editorializing part:
Paizo is specifically in the crosshairs and anyone telling you to switch to it is either misinformed at best, or does not have your best interests at heart. Paizo is the main target here. The others are publishing material that serve as supplements to the core WoTC products, but do not replace them. For example: if you have either of the Tal'Dorei Campaign Setting books, you will note that they do not have stats for the races mentioned, nor the core class information. If you want to play a Cobalt Soul Monk, you still need the PHB in addition to the Tal'Dorei setting books. On some level, this is almost certainly due to Paizo being like "look! we're like D&D but we're not! switch to us!" And, understandably, WoTC is saying "hey, you took our SRD game engine and are now our largest competitor", which is also almost certainly why this is overriding the OGL 1.0a under which Pathfinder was originally created. I am not saying not to switch to a different TTRPG if you want to! You should always feel free to switch to a different TTRPG if D&D is not meeting your needs! I am saying that Pathfinder is probably your absolute worst bet in terms of things likely to be affected by the OGL, and anyone telling you to switch to it is telling you to jump from an ocean liner into a slightly smaller ship heading straight for a waterfall solely because the ocean liner stopped serving bottomless brunch.
People throwing this to actual play shows do not know what they are talking about and are just trying to start shit. Self-explanatory; why should Dimension 20 or whatever put out a statement on an unofficial leaked draft that minimally affects them.
Bad faith is common and everpresent. As discussed extensively on this blog in scattered bitchy shitposts, there are a lot of people who hate D&D/WoTC, or Critical Role, or other popular actual play shows. Sometimes their reasons are valid and sometimes their reasons are stupid. It doesn't really matter though; what matters is that their minds are made up and they will be telling you to switch game systems/stop listening or watching pretty much regardless of what the companies do. If you want to switch or stop listening, that's fine! But, as mentioned, I remember a few months ago someone arguing that you should switch from D&D because they were obviously going to start licensing NFTs for profitability reasons, and now the OGL specifically prohibits that. There's a lot being pulled out of thin air to make spurious arguments. In general, it is helpful to ask yourself "is this person recommending a game because they genuinely believe it will improve my life and better fit my individual tastes and needs? Or are they just being a dick about D&D or this specific actual play show and don't give a shit about my happiness, just as long as I'm not playing the game/watching the show that they, an internet stranger with bad vibes to boot, do not personally like."
YouTubers are trying to get views, and that is usually their primary goal. Also self-explanatory. If you're trusting the same people who decided that Silvery Barbs would ruin D&D which had also already been ruined by the chronomancy class, the fact that some sorcerers get more spells than other sorcerers, the fact that healing word exists... to tell you that this has ruined D&D? I don't think I can help you.
Several of the things people are freaking out about are either standard boilerplate now, or were in the original OGL. OGL 1.0a reserves the right to terminate the license with 30 days notice as well (item 13); stating that material you make via an open license can be used freely by the owner of that IP is fairly standard legal practice.
Sources:
OGL v1.0a
WOTC Fan Content Policy
Gizmodo/io9 coverage
D&D Beyond/OneD&D blog post
Screenrant coverage
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astrophileous · 8 months
Text
Love Bugs (Pt. 06)
Pairing: Derek Morgan x Female Reader
Synopsis: You and Derek Morgan have an arrangement. At work, your relationship is strictly business. Under the sheets, it's all about pleasure. Nothing more, nothing less. Until, of course, your feelings start to get involved. Your situation is complicated enough without the unexpexted predicament that suddenly befalls upon you. But with a maniac serial killer on the loose, will you ever get the chance to make everything right?
Warning(s): cursing--there's a lot of it--like a lot, psychopathic behaviors, being held captive, verbal and physical violence, degrading nicknames, talks of death and unaliving someone, strangulation, PLS READ WITH CAUTION BECAUSE THIS PART IS REALLY GRIM I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING
Word Count: 4200-ish
Tag(s): I'm tagging everyone who requested to be tagged prior to the long hiatus, pls tell me if you'd like to NOT be included in the tag list for future updates, thanks! @marvelousgoldroses @jay-2s-world @whore-of-the-pumpkin-patch @maxinehufflepuffprincess @cat-or-kitten @littleshadow17 @itzz-me-duh @geeksareunique @paisleebubbles @whateverrrrrrrrs @crazyunsexycool @louderfortheback @wifeyofeveryone
Author's Note: HI EVERYONE HOW ARE YOU?? I know this is long overdue, but pls enjoy the new part of love bugs! I'm so happy to be posting again and I hope you like what I've got in plans for this series. I think we only have one or maybe two chapters left for this story (depending whether I want to write an epilogue or not lol) but in the meantime, pls enjoy this part and don't forget to LIKE+REBLOG+COMMENT !!! thank you 🌹
Love Bugs Masterlist / Criminal Minds Masterlist
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The bullpen of FBI headquarters was still reeling in the aftermath of a Derek-Morgan-shaped hurricane.
Emily was just about to enter the vicinity again when she heard the tail end of Derek's furious words, right before Hotch had ordered him to retreat.
"What was that about?" Emily asked as she approached Rossi's side, eyes never straying from the two men who soon disappeared into Hotch's office.
Rossi never addressed Emily's question. Instead, he gestured for her--and everybody else in the room--to be quiet with a finger on his lips, before he pressed the unmute button on the telephone.
"Hello?"
The UnSub's head jerked at Rossi's unfamiliar voice. You were barely successful in getting him to calm down following Derek's unexpected outburst, but the sound of Rossi's voice was threatening to throw all of those poor attempts straight out of the window.
"Who is that?" he demanded warily. "Where's Agent Hotchner?"
"He had to step away for a second," Rossi notified. "I'm SSA David Rossi. I also work with Agent Hotchner and Agent (Y/L/N)."
"I know who you are."
"Yeah? I still don't know who you are, though."
A responding groan vibrated from the other line. "Why does everyone keep asking me that? Do you think I'm fucking dumb?"*
"No one thinks anything here, pal. Just wanted to know who I was speaking to, that's all." At the UnSub's clear signs of agitation, Rossi quickly added, "It'd be nice to know the person who clearly means a lot to (Y/N)."
Rossi's reassurance obviously managed to trigger the intended effect it had sought. Everyone could see how the UnSub physically deflated at Rossi's words, meaning that hopefully he was soon going to let his guard down.
"I can't tell you who I am," your assailant said, still adamant, although his resolve was wearing thin with each word he had stated. "You're just gonna use it to track me down and keep us apart."
The last syllable of his sentence was emphasized by the weight of his dagger on the side of your neck. You instinctively winced at the unwelcomed touch of the blade before schooling your expression once more so your captor wouldn't notice.
"I promise you, no one is going to do that," Rossi said.
"He's telling the truth," you decided to chime in, surprising everyone including the UnSub whose grip of the dagger had teetered dangerously closer to your pulse point at the sudden proclamation. "They are good people. They don't break promises or tell lies. I promise you, nothing will come between us."
The silence that fell next was heavy with the UnSub's hesitation. Bracing yourself, you forced your head to tilt back, locking eyes with him who was still standing like a guard dog right behind you.
"I swear, Darling," you vowed.
The lull in your voice--or perhaps the fact that you had called him darling in front of your team, which he could arguably take as a display of affection--must have stirred up something in his twisted mind. He actually preened at you before his eyes went right back towards the direction of the camera on the wall.
"My name is Arthur," he confessed.
A particular thread of memory in your brain immediately lit up.
Back in the bullpen, JJ and Spencer were finally returning with documents containing your phone records that they had promptly asked Kevin to gather. Spencer didn't waste any time before perching himself on his desk to start rummaging through the thick pile of files.
"Arthur?" Rossi repeated the name, eyes flicking over to Garcia with a silent request to start cross-referencing the name with the other names they had acquired so far in the investigation.
The tech analyst didn't need to be told twice. She began typing furiously on her laptop as Rossi's attention was drawn back towards the projector.
The UnSub hadn't moved an inch. His hand was still just as sturdy on your shoulder. The blade was also still just as cold as it pressed onto your skin.
One wrong move, and you would end up no better than a slaughter animal on the cold hard ground.
"Do you have a last name, Arthur?" Rossi asked.
The entire bullpen held their breath in anticipation. Rossi had planted the bait as strategically as he could. It was up to the UnSub to take it and slip up the one information that would give them a major lead to end this case once and for all.
But before the UnSub could respond, a muffled beeping resonated in the air, through the telephone line, and finally into the bullpen. The sound was enough to make your assailant faltered.
"I have to go."
It was the last thing he uttered before the line, along with the livestream, went completely dead.
The atmosphere was laden with restlessness as everyone tried to make peace with the fact that they had just lost the only mean of communication they had with you. Without the feed from the livestream, no one could possibly know what was going on. The team would have no idea if something were to happen to you.
They would have no idea how to determine whether you were alive or dead.
"Did you find anything yet, Garcia?" Rossi questioned, although in all honestly, it sounded more like a desperate plea.
The thick regret behind Garcia's eyes gave Rossi the answer he needed to know.
"I can't find any Arthur in our files, sir," Garcia informed.
"Anything from her phone records? What about the hospital?" Rossi tried again.
Emily shook her head almost remorsefully.
"Nothing yet," Spencer spoke up from his place on the desk. "Not a single thing stands out from her records."
"What now?" JJ sighed, exhaustion and worry beginning to decorate the lines on her face.
The whole bullpen stood still, as if everyone was waiting for a slice of miracle to descend into the room, holding a map that would eventually lead the team to where you were still being held captive. But such a map didn't exist in this piece of reality, and the BAU knew that they were running out of time.
"Garcia, did you record the livestream by any chance?" Spencer asked at last.
"Yeah, of course I did."
Penelope punched a few keys on her keyboard before the projector once again came alive with the footage from the livestream.
"Can you fast forward to the very end?" Spencer requested. "And then play it again backwards to the beginning."
"What are you thinking, Spence?" JJ wondered.
"I don't know. I just... maybe there's a detail we missed. At this point, even the smallest piece of clue is worth pursuing."
Several pair of eyes glued themselves on the screen as the livestream footage ran backward at a faster speed. Bated breaths waited in tension for just the tiniest hint that the team could scour to determine your location.
"Wait. What was that?" Spencer interjected. "Garcia, play that again."
"What? What is it?" Emily spoke up.
"Look at her hand." Spencer stood up from the desk, approaching the screen to get a better look. "She's knocking against the chair. Garcia, zoom in on her hand. The left one."
Penelope did as she was asked. "Is that--"
"It's morse code," Rossi muttered, realization overtaking his countenance.
"What is she saying?" JJ questioned.
"A-U--" Spencer began spelling out loud, "--T... Auto. She's spelling auto."
"Auto?" JJ's forehead creased. "As in... auto shop?"
"Her records said she went to a mechanic a week ago," Spencer recalled. JJ immediately rummaged through the papers on Spencer's desk, but the pages flipping inside of Spencer's mind moved at a thousand times more speed than any normal pair of eyes ever could. "Dinozzo's Auto Service, 894 Southwell Street."
"Got it," Penelope chimed in from her place in front of the laptop. "Dinozzo's Auto Shop. Originally owned by Carlo Dinozzo before it was passed down to his two sons after his death a year ago."
"Any of them named Arthur?" Rossi asked
"Nope. Luca and Piero."
"What about the employees?" Emily suggested.
"No. I'm not seeing any Arthur anywhere near that place."
"We profiled that the UnSub could be holding down a steady job in his everyday life," JJ said. "He might not even be related to that place. Maybe (Y/N) encountered him there by chance?"
"Nah, I doubt it." Rossi shook his head. "The bastard's too sophisticated to leave anything up to chance like that. He must have found a way to orchestrate it one way or another."
"There must be a connection somewhere, then. No way he just chose a random place off the map," Emily muttered. "We should cross-reference the name to anyone associated with the Dinozzos."
Penelope began to frantically type something into her laptop. "We've still got three names here. Oh, never mind. Two names, 'cause one of them is dead."
"What do we have on them?" Spencer asked.
"First is Arthur Doyle. He went to high school with Luca and Piero Dinozzo, works in a local company, and looks like he travels a lot for his job," Penelope explained. "There's also an Arthur Harrison, works as an accountant in the heart of Arlington. His dad and Carlo Dinozzo were long-time pals. Apparently, his dad was an accountant too and used to handle the shop's finances before Arthur inherited the office. Oh."
"What? What'd you find?"
"Arthur was engaged," Penelope murmured, "to a Claire Dumont. They were gonna get married last year but the wedding was called off just one month before the D-day."
"Where's Claire now?" JJ asked.
"She moved to Ohio shortly after the breakup, and... oh my God. Guess what?" Penelope looked up, her eyes widening almost comically. "She just announced her engagement three months ago."
Spencer hummed. "That could be the stressor."
An image of a woman suddenly appeared on screen, right above the paused footage of your hand. Everyone stared at the picture in shock.
"That's Claire Dumont," Penelope murmured.
JJ held her breath. "She and (Y/N) could be sisters."
"We've found our guy," Rossi declared. "Garcia, pull up every known address associated with this man. And hurry, we don't have much time."
"I have three properties so far connected to Arthur Harrison. Sending the addresses to all of your phones."
As JJ, Spencer, and Rossi rushed to exit the bullpen, Emily turned around and called out to the others, "I'm grabbing Morgan and Hotch!"
Without stopping to knock, Emily pushed open the door to Hotch's office, ignoring the slivers of tension dancing around in the air.
"We may have something," Emily announced to the room. "We think we know where (Y/N) is."
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Your assailant--Arthur, as it turned out--pulled his phone out and pressed a few buttons in, silencing the beeping. Once the noise was gone, the room was quiet again.
He looked at you, then. Piercingly. You squirmed underneath his scrutiny.
"Wait here," he eventually said. "I'll be back."
Without taking a second to breathe, Arthur flew past you and towards the direction he had appeared from earlier.
"Wait! Wait. Where are you going?"
The sound of steps ceased on top of concrete. You waited with bated breath for his response. But the only sound ever came was that of the metal door, and as quickly as you could count to three, he was gone.
At last, you were alone once more.
The traces of adrenaline had begun to dissipate out of your system, leaving you in a shivering mess inside that damp concrete room. Once again, you attempted with all of your might to free yourself from the state of confinement you were in. But the metal cuffs binding you to the chair only dug further into your skin the more you tried to escape, while the chair itself stayed nailed in place no matter how hard you tried to rock it.
After a few more minutes of futile attempts, you were forced to face the reality of your situation.
You were never going to get yourself out of that dingy place alone.
Huffing a breath, you knew that there was nothing more you could do except to hope that your team found the hidden message you had left for them to solve.
And with that last thought conquering every room your head, you let yourself succumb to the impending darkness.
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You woke up gasping for air.
It took you a few seconds to remember where you were, to remember that you weren't back in the comfort of your apartment and instead, you were still holed up in the darkened cold room where your abductor had been keeping you captive.
It took a few seconds more to realize that the drowning dream you just had might have been a tad bit more real than you initially thought.
Still reeling in shock, you peered up and locked eyes with your abductor, eyes barely registering the empty bucket he was holding in one of his hands. It didn't take a genius to conclude that he was the one responsible for your drenched state.
"W-what?" you stuttered meekly. "What's going on?"
He only stared at you in response.
"Arthur?"
You shrieked loudly when Arthur threw the empty bucket against the wall, sending a resounding "bang" throughout the whole room and breaking the plastic object into two misshaped pieces.
"Arthur--" you gasped, searching for your voice that seemed to have disappeared beneath the layers of brewing fear, "--w-what... what are you... what's going on? Talk to me."
"I don't want to talk to you, you fucking bitch."
The beating inside your chest fastened. Before you could ask yet another question, Arthur had lunged forward, grabbing a fistful of your hair and tugging your head back so you could stare directly into his eyes.
"You're a fucking liar," he seethed. "You lied to me. Everything you said was a lie, wasn't it?!"
"I don't--" you hissed, trying to ignore the biting pain in your scalp, "--I don't understand what you're talking about."
"Stop fucking lying!!!"
A sharp smack reverberated in the air.
It was only when the ringing in your ear grew louder did you realize that Arthur had slapped your cheek.
Hard.
Ignoring the tingling on the side of your face, you lifted your head once more. The room was spinning, tilting your balance left and right, but you held your ground through it all.
"What did I lie to you about, Arthur?" you asked carefully.
He threw something at your feet. It clanged against the hard ground below before landing face up near your toes.
It was your phone.
But the fact that Arthur somehow had your phone in his possession wasn't what caused the sick feeling to stir northward in your belly.
It was what you were seeing on the now cracked screen of your phone: a picture of you and Derek. A selfie that you had impulsively taken of the two of you in bed after one of your nighttime escapades.
For awhile there, you had briefly forgotten about that photo. It was another lost memory in the ocean of rubble left behind in the wake of your fallout with Derek. Seeing that photo again after such a long time triggered waves of emotions that you had been desperately burying for the past few weeks.
The longing, the guilt, the heartache.
The regrets.
The regret of ending your little arrangement so abruptly in such a hostile manner. The regret of not telling Derek sooner about the baby. The regret of maybe never being able to see Derek for one last time.
But most importantly, it was the regret over not revealing the truth of what your heart felt for him that was eating you alive.
"You're fucking him," Arthur fumed, eyes blazing with an indescribable fury that made your entire body shudder.
"Arthur, please... I can explain--"
"Shut the fuck up."
He stepped forward once more, crowding your personal place and rendering you helpless underneath his psychopathic gaze.
"Tell me the truth, and if you dare lie--" Arthur paused, his hand disappearing behind his back before it appeared again with a dagger that he promptly pressed against your abdomen, "--don't ever dream of meeting your child."
"Okay. Okay, I'll tell you the truth."
"You're fucking him, aren't you?"
The bile in your throat had tripled in size. Swallowing it down, you tried to even your voice out as you answered, "I was."
"Ha," he scoffed. "I knew it. You fucking whore. You're no better than any of them."
To your relief, he eventually chose to retract the dagger and stepped away from you, opting to circle the room like a distressed lion in a cage. But even with the blade no longer touching your skin, you knew very well that the danger wasn't over yet and that things could escalate even further in a matter of seconds if you weren't careful.
"Arthur," you called out to him softly, slowly, as to not startle him and risk doing something that would trigger a psychotic break. "Arthur, please. You have to listen to me. That arrangement ended long ago. It meant nothing to me. It happened long before I met you."
Arthur's voice echoed coldly as he replied, "I don't believe you."
"Please, Arthur--"
"That's his child, isn't it?" he cut you off, pointing the tip of the dagger at your belly. "What he said on the phone. He said my child. That's because it's his. You're having Derek Morgan's child."
"No--"
"I thought you were different. I thought you were the one." The dagger in his hand shook with venom. "But you're just the same as the rest of them."
"I'm not. Please, I'm not--"
"I have to start searching again. For the one. You're not her, which means she's still out there."
"Arthur--"
"I'll have to get rid of you."
"Arthur, please!" Your voice cracked, leaking of terror and desperation larger than anything you had ever known. When something wet touched the side of your nose, you realized then that you had started to cry. "Arthur, you have to believe me. I've ended everything with him. There's nothing between us anymore."
The words you uttered kept lingering in the air in a bubble made out of despair. But as if every single one of them had fallen on deaf ears, your captor paid no attention to them. Not even a single acknowledgment to your pleas.
Instead, he had begun taking careful steps forward. Silent and deadly, like a predator stalking its prey.
"Arthur, please! I choose you!"
To your shock, his steps faltered upon your words.
For a moment, you could taste relief on the tip of your tongue before it was washed away by the knowledge that you were not entirely out of the woods yet. But from the corner of your eye, you could see the slight loosening of Arthur's grip around the dagger. It filled you with enough hope to push forward.
"I'm choosing you, Arthur," you stated confidently, trying to convince him of your sincerity. "I don't care about Derek. I'm done with him. I'm done with my old life and everyone in it. I'm ready to leave everything behind to be with you. I choose you."
"You choose me?"
"Yes. I choose you to take care of me. To take care of this baby. The three of us can be a family. How does that sound?"
Seconds ticked into minutes. Minutes stretched into a long silence. The anticipation threatened to break your chest in half.
When he finally began to move once more, Arthur surprised you. He threw the dragger towards a darkened corner in the room, far away from his reach and, most importantly, far away from the possibility of it harming the growing life inside of you.
When Arthur took off the ski mask he had been wearing since the first time you opened your eyes in that harrowing place, you weren't at all surprised to see the face staring back at you. After all, it was the same face belonging to the man who had stopped his car for you when your own car had mysteriously broken down in the middle of the road just around two weeks prior. The same face who offered a business card of his friend's auto shop where you eventually went to get your vehicle fixed.
In retrospect, you should have been at least a little bit suspicious by the whole ordeal, but was it really your fault for choosing to put your trust in the good of humanity?
You knew there was no point in dwelling over what-ifs anymore. Arthur would've found a way, like any psychopath would, and you would've still ended up being tied up in this dismal room with him.
"Did you mean it?" Arthur asked.
You put on your best fake smile before answering, "Yes."
He grabbed you in his arms in just two long strides.
You wanted to throw up. You hated the feeling of his fingers stroking your back. You wanted to kick him away and get this piece of shit as far away from you and your baby as possible. You wanted to rid yourself of the lingering smell of him that had now undoubtedly transferred into your skin.
And maybe, you would've done all of those things if it was only your life that was on the line.
Unfortunately, fighting back was a luxury you couldn't afford anymore. So, you were forced to stay quiet instead, letting your captor whisper sweet nothings in your ear as if it didn't repulse you even being in the same room as him.
You were close to counting towards the 200s in your head when, suddenly, a clanking noise in the distance ripped your attention away.
In a split second, Arthur had peeled his arms from around you and got back on his feet. You knew then that he must have heard it, too.
You watched as he stepped away, dragging a crate from one corner of the room and placing it strategically underneath the only opening on the walls. He got on top of the crate to allow himself to peek outside, but whatever he saw must have startled him greatly. Because the next thing you knew, he had backed away from the wall in the blink of an eye, face crumpling in what could only be described as panic.
"The cops are here," he managed to sputter out.
"What?"
Your heart was hammering inside of its cage. The cops are here. You realized then that the team must have solved the clue you left them. They had solved the case, and they were coming to save you.
Derek was coming to save you.
"What did you do?!"
In a moment of weakness, you had allowed yourself to rejoice in the promise of freedom that you momentarily forgot you actually hadn't possessed it yet. The slip-up was miniscule, but it wasn't fleeting enough to escape the attention of your captor.
"You tricked me!" Arthur's voice boomed throughout the room, carrying rage unlike anything you had ever known. "I trusted you, and you lied to me! Again."
"Arthur--"
This time, there was no room for negotiation.
Arthur didn't even waste a millisecond before he dove forward. He was a lion, and you were the deer. His sharp teeth were calloused fingers, and they dug into your skin as Arthur tightened his grip around your throat.
"You lied to me. You lied to me."
He repeated those words like a mantra, his voice drowned out by desperate gasps as you tried to scour for what little bit of air you could still revel in. Your feet and arms shook beneath their restrains. Your head pounded from the pressure that had gathered inside your skull.
In that moment, death was imminent.
You could feel it coming. You could feel its claws clutching every single drop of life that was still remaining in your bloodstream. It was a battle between the two, and unfortunately, death was winning.
As the dark spots in your vision spread into a massive blotch, you allowed yourself to say goodbye. To life. To the world. To the memories of your loved ones whose faces you wished you could've memorized one last time.
To Derek, the one who could've been, the one you wished had been.
And to the child in your womb, the one you wished you could've met, the one you wished you could've saved.
When darkness came, you expected it to be cold and unforgiving, but as it turned out, darkness was easy. Simple. It welcomed you into its home with open arms, shielding you from the cruelties of the mundane world.
As it pulled you deeper into its abode, you could faintly hear the sound of your name being called repeatedly. It sounded similar. It sounded like home.
But this was your home now, so without turning back, you allowed darkness to lead you further down the dim path. Away from the pain and the heartbreaks of life. Far from the evil that lurked in the streets behind their well-crafted masks.
In the darkness, there was nothing.
In the darkness, you were nothing.
And nothing was exactly what you were going to be.
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cookinguptales · 1 year
Text
So… last week I made a vent post about an accessibility issue I’d had with some podcasters. I really only meant for the post to be read by my followers (who to my knowledge aren’t familiar with the podcast in question) which is why I put minimal tags on it and didn’t name the show.
But… the post got legs that I wasn’t expecting, and eventually a lot of people asked for the name of the show. I hadn’t intended on creating a whole big thing, so I was kind of reluctant, but I did see the logic in what they were saying — as a disabled woman myself, I would also want to know if I were supporting podcasters whose values did not align with mine. So I told people quietly in the notes that the show had been Old Gods of Appalachia.
Things… did not stay quiet.
Frankly speaking, one of the reasons why I don’t write as many posts about disability and ableism these days is because I got tired of people writing to me and telling me that people like me should be dead. So you can imagine what kind of fucking week I’ve been having since all that blew up. It’s been a very high symptom week, too, so I’m just. Very tired and stressed rn.
Personally, I’d be happy to never talk about it again and try to get back to my everyday life, but I did think it was important to note that the creators of OGOA must have gotten wind of the post, and they did contact me.
I won’t post the whole email here, but it was a good response. Since seeing my post, they’d tried getting in contact with the venue and realized very quickly why I’d been so frustrated. They ended up needing to go through their booking agent to get any kind of answers — so like, to the people who sent me a thousand messages telling me I was an entitled idiot who just needed to contact the venue, please know that none of you were remotely helpful.
Again, I’m not going to post the entire email, but I did think it was important to be fair and use the same platform that I used to vent to tell people that they seem committed to doing better in the future. They told me that they would be making sure that they have all this information going forward and that they would no longer allow it to be such a barrier to entry for disabled fans.
They invited me back to the show and… god, I’ll admit it. I really had to think about my answer. Not to sound ungrateful, but after the week I’ve had, even thinking about the podcast, the podcasters, and that damn live show has me stressed af. I had to really consider whether I even wanted to go.
But in the months since I first contacted them, they added a show that’s a lot closer to where I live, so rather than a weekend trip, I could just take a single bus. And it’s near one of my favorite Japanese restaurants in the city, so if all else fails, I can at least have some good katsudon. So I will be going to the Philadelphia show.
(Though for fellow disabled fans, Terakawa Ramen is not wheelchair accessible. 🙃 Most days I can do the two steps into the restaurant, but not always. Philly, I love and loathe you.)
Anyway, I wanted to reply to them before I made a post here, but… yeah. We’ve worked things out, I think. Only the future can tell what they'll do going forward but they do seem committed to doing better.
To me, there are always two goals when I write about disability and ableism. The first is that disabled people will feel seen. That is always, always my primary goal. It’s so easy for us to feel invisible and unimportant, and I always want to make you all feel seen, just like I want to feel seen. The second is that able-bodied folks will listen and learn and do their best to support their disabled peers in the future.
So… I think that my post managed to fulfill both of those goals. A lot of disabled people have reblogged that post and have talked about their own experiences, and a lot of them have explicitly said how much that post makes them feel seen. And the podcasters in question seem to have really reflected on their actions and seem to want to do better going forward.
So as incredibly fucking stressed out as I’ve been, I guess I can’t regret making the post. It’s always good to know that your words can have impact. The post has long since moved out of my friends circle so I assume it’ll just keep circulating and I’ll keep getting shitty anons and chat messages, but I’m just gonna focus on what good has come from it. I’m hopeful that my post will make life tangibly better for at least a few disabled people, and I’m encouraged by the fact that podcasters who I’d formerly liked do actually seem to want to do the work needed to improve.
And uh I’m not answering any more messages from people who just wanna swear at me. I’m tired. Leave me alone.
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russellsppttemplates · 4 months
Text
Promise (Lewis Hamilton)
The season has kept Lewis so busy he hasn't been paying attention to you in the way you needed
Note: english is not my first language. After a long time on hold (since april), I'm finally posting this one. The timeline is a bit bent to fit what I already had written for what was requested, so I hope you don't mind it too much! Hopefully the person who requested this is still around and reading this ✨️
Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!
my masterlist
Tw: mentions loss of friendships, curse words
Tag list: @myloverjk-blog
"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be able to make it. Lew already asked me to go see him race that weekend, I have booked the flights and managed to clear my work schedule too", you said to your friend after she practically ambushed you into have a coffee with her after work, "c'mon, I don't even feel like we've seen eachother recently. You're either at work or with Lewis. It's like you don't have time for me, or rather don't make it", she groaned and you frowned. You met up with her not even 10 days ago, and while you couldn't see her everyday, you managed to text her back with reasonable timing everytime she had any issues or needed some comfort, so hearing those words and accusations for what you recalled the third time over the last few weeks threw you off. Was it really something you deserved? You wondered, maybe you really weren't being the best of friends given everything happening in your life.
"It's been hard, my schedule has been all over the place. I've been quite tired and I honestly just want to relax at home when I get back from work, we've had a lot of clients, which has been good for the business, but there's also been a lot more effort in making everything work smoothly", you tried to offer her your point of view, knowing yourself that there were days you could barely answer your boyfriend back simple questions, both of happy and content to either just cuddle when he was home or have a quick videocall whenever he was away, letting you get your deserved rest.
.
"Do you have everything, darling?", Lewis said over the phone as you fastened the zip on your suitcase, "yes. Angela said that she could come and meet me with my passes. Apparently there was an issue with printing them, my name or something, I'm not sure, but she said they were good now", you recalled, looking back at your boyfriend on the screen while he smiled, "I can't wait to have you here with me", he admitted, making your heart soft, "it's been really difficult, the car and all, and I know having you here will be good".
The next day, like you had arranged, you met up with Angela at the entrance of the GP, greeting her with a smile before she noticed it, "was your flight that bad?", she wondered, "you look a bit off, dear", she explained herself better, "it was okay, just had trouble sleeping because of this crazy schedule", you tried your best to brush it off. You had looked at yourself in the mirror, and had noticed the eye bags, the veins around your eyes much stronger and, truly, you knew no one would believe you were okay, but you guessed trying wouldn't be hard, and despite feeling like Angela caught on, she decided to drop the subject, handing you your pass and grabbing your suitcase once you reached the hospitality so she could store it in a safe place.
"Hey, Y/N", George smiled, greeting you as you both walked down to the garage, "Lewis mentioned you'd be joining us today", he said, opening the door for you before following you by your side, "the flight was delayed a little, and there was traffic here, or at least my driver said it isn't usually that busy, so I got here to the sound of the engines already", you pouted, grabbing a headset for yourself from the wall.
"I'll be in there with Toto and Mick, we'll speak later, okay? Carmen is also travelling tomorrow night", George said as he walked up to sit with the rest of the team, sitting this session out as they had chosen to have Frederik drive this session on his place.
The free practice sessions did not go all that well, especially considering how you knew Lewis and the whole team would have wanted them to go, so when Lewis came out of the last session, the team allowed them a few hours so they could rest up a little and get re-energised before debriefing.
"Hey, gorgeous", Lewis said as he walked up to you, "I'm so happy you're here", he mumbled against the thin skin on your neck, taking in your scent and presence as your arms wrapped around his torso.
"Do you want to talk about it?", you asked, running your fingers on his back as the slight scratch from your nails soothed him as you walked to sit on the sofa, "I can't bring the car to the front, it's like I can't do it. We've worked so hard on it, the team has come up with so many improvements and yet it still isn't reaching the front, there's no comparison", he let it put, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, "and I can't do it either, it's my fault too, I just want to make us a competitive team again, having fights every weekend for the P1, and yet, here we are".
Kissing his knuckles, you looked up at him through your lashes, "it will all add up, my love", you caressed his skin, "there's no way your efforts won't be rewarded, you just have to keep going, keep fighting, keep rising", you smiled, seeing the corner of his lips move upwards, "one day at a time, all will be well, you just have to keep going, we just have to keep going with those we love most", you muttered, joining your foreheads so they could touch.
.
Silverstone always had a big buzz around it, so you always took the week off, "remember last year? Your friends also joined us for the party", Lewis recalled as you sat in the hospitality. Media duties had long been taken care of and Lewis wanted to hang out in the meal area in case anyone needed him before you retired to his room.
"Yeah, it was a good time", you mumbled, reliving the memories in your head. You had had dinner and partied until early hours of the night with some of your friends, who were that at the time.
The previous week, your friend had been very assertive when she called you to show her displeasure of your lack of effort to meet up with her, telling you how much you had changed and how it wasn't fair that you could only meet up once or twice a month, "it's not fair to us or to our friendship, so unless this changes, I don't see how we can carry on". The accusations were not false, you recognised that you couldn't be as present as much as before, but the premise she was holding it on seemed wrong to you. And as much as it bothered you and pained you, calling it quits was the best decision in the long run. You had enough things on your plate, and having to reassure her that you were still there for her despite all the mean comments and accusations she would throw at you, wether they were about how much time you spent working or how Lewis wasn't the right person for you, was not something you wanted to endure for your own well-being.
"How is she, by the way?", Lewis questioned as he drank his water.
"We are not friends anymore, things just didn't work out", you offered quietly, not wanting to dwell much on the topic or have your boyfriend worry about one more thing.
"Y/N!", Lewis heard Carmen call, seeing his teammate's girlfriend approach you, warmly greeting him as well before he left you two alone for some catching up, "call me if you need anything", your boyfriend said, kissing the top of your head sweetly before leaving you two to speak and moving to the table where Angela was sitting.
"Is she feeling better?", Angela asked him, nodding over to you with her eyes and smiling as you spoke to the spanish women, the genuine easiness radiating from you.
"Y/N? She's been well, I think...", he said, unsure of his own answer. You hadn't talked much about how you were feeling, and he definitely wanted to follow up on what you had just been talking about when you were comfortable, but other than that, he had no clue. Work had been busier as you received more clients and you needed a little more time to rest that usual, and you had been tagging out of plans family and friends tried to make with you. Maybe Angela was right and there was something going on.
"You should talk to her, see how everything is, Lewis. I know she has a habit of bottling everything, and while I figured she'd talk to you and bring it up, and that it would help, I'm not sure it's enough", she patted his back as she allowed him to process the situation.
Later that night, back in your hotel bedroom, you had just come out of the shower, grabbing your toiletries' bag so you could moisturise your skin, propping your leg on the bed so you could rub the product into the skin as you heard Lewis walk around the room.
As you moved to adjust your towell while you put on your underwear, you felt Lewis' hands on your shoulders before his lips pressed kisses to your clean skin, his touch so soft and tender that it melted you inside.
"Can we talk about something, darling?", he asked, moving to sit in front of you, taking his place on the bed as Roscoe joined him.
"Sure, love. Are you okay? Is something wrong?", you promptly offered, ready to be all ears to his worries as Roscoe found his perfect spot on the comforter.
"It's about you, actually", he said as you pulled your top on, leaving the towell on the bathroom before coming back to sit on the bed, "what about me?", you asked, unsure of the topic was.
"How have you been? And I don't want to hear 'I'm okay' or 'just tired from work', because that's most definitely not the truth", Lewis began, holding your hand in his, "I've been so blind to all of this, and I only noticed now just how much you're being affected, and I want to know what it is and how I can help you", he gulped, "I've been so caught up in my own things and I've missed this, I'm so sorry, Y/N", he looked into your eyes.
You knew you had been unable to hide it. And now, you couldn't escape it.
Taking a deep breath, you traced the tattoos on his hand, the seamless way the ink flowed mesmerising as you allowed yourself to become vulnerable to him, opening up about your friendships and how everything at work was both the thing that has been keeping you sane and afloat, but also buried in doubt.
"Fuck, I'm so sorry I didn't notice this", Lewis apoligised, "I've been so absorbed in getting the results we need for the team, and-", you interrupted him, knowing the wasn't the one to blame.
"Lew, I didn't want to burden you with this, it's my own doing, too", you admitted, wanting to stop the whole blame spiral going on between both of you.
"Still, I should've noticed", he tsked at himself, holding you in his arms as you cuddled into his chest, "you shouldn't have to go through that alone, no one should. I want you to tell me anything that bothers you. My career is not above us, it will never be", he said as he looked into your eyes, "and, for all that matters, the decision to end the friendship was for the better. And I know you know this, and it still hurts, and that's okay. Roscoe, buddy", he called, "come give mummy a big, big cuddle", he smiled as the dog attended to his request.
"I'm sorry, too", you said as you petted Roscoe, his snores showing you he was enjoying them, "just wanted to be a happy and cheerful partner, and support you", you reiterated.
"From now on, promise you'll tell me anything that bothers you?", he assured as you smiled, kissing his lips as a seal of your promise, "I promise".
"I love you, Y/N, and it's me, you and Roscoe against the world", Lewis said.
"Agains the world and the rest of the paddock?", you joked, "just about, yes".
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eowyntheavenger · 2 months
Note
Hi! I saw your post on telling Americans to vote, and I was wondering what you think of posts from people from other parts of the world who are calling Americans evil for voting for Biden because of his support for Israel. I've seen a few already. They seem to be completely convinced that Americans deliberately voted for Biden specifically to side against Palestine and no other reason, and spread the general (pretty ignorant and hateful) message of "Americans are evil because of the actions of their government and because they collectively refuse to vote for a president who is good and not simply 'the lesser of two evils'". It frustrates me because they seem to think they're experts on US politics, culture, and society and have all the answers, but it also makes me concerned because it reminds me of the whole Russian bot thing from last time. Like, I'm 99% sure the people reblogging these posts aren't Russian bots (don't know about the OPs though), and they unquestioningly believe this. What do you think of this and how would you go about addressing this issue? Do you think it's possible to get them to understand how little they actually know about the US and how they're actually promoting a message that makes things worse for everyone? I've also seen less scathing posts that are just disheartened and don't seem to believe the democrats are truly better to vote for than the republicans and so it's just two sides of the same coin. To be fair, I think that sort of feeling is only further encouraged because there didn't really seem to be much if any progress made with Biden, not even back to square one after Trump moved the country so far backwards. I think most Americans really wish the elections actually had good candidates and they could pick the best of two goods, but are frustrated and stuck with the current system and don't know how to actually get to the point where there are good candidates. (Though personally I think voting for the one who isn't actively trying to make themselves a king with unlimited terms is a decent start. I can understand the frustration though.)
Hi! Thanks for the ask. This stuff worries me too. I've gotten comments on my posts like that too, telling me/other Americans that we're evil for voting for Biden.
But I've seen a much larger number of comments and posts from people outside the United States BEGGING us to vote for Biden. I literally get tags like that on my posts EVERY DAY urging Americans to vote blue. So I think that's valuable context, even if it doesn't solve the problem of the "I hate everybody who votes for Biden" crowd.
And yes, it's definitely a shitty argument on their part to claim that people voting for Biden are specifically siding against Palestine. Literally every single person I know in real life and online who plans to vote for Biden has been criticizing and protesting his policies on Palestine.
In terms of convincing the anti-voters that they're wrong, honestly, I don't know. They don't listen to reason and they seem intent on spreading despair. Some of Biden's policies have been terrible (Willow oil-drilling project), some of them have been downright evil (military aid to Israel), but I'm a rational person and I know that Trump is worse in every respect.
I've tried debating them. It's been pointless every time. They genuinely don't know how the government works, which scares me. Common takes include: 1) a genuine lack of awareness of how pro-Israel Trump and the right wing are, combined with magical thinking that a virtually unknown third party candidate can win the presidential election, 2) truly impressive mental gymnastics blaming Biden for the overturn of Roe v. Wade, and 3) continuing the mental gymnastics to blame Biden and the Democrats for anti-trans policies...
I guess my advice is to either ignore them and move on, or debunk things when you have time/energy? It's easier said than done, I know. There's nothing more annoying than someone being stupid on the internet, especially when they accuse you of stuff that just isn't true, and especially when they're spreading dangerous misinformation or voter-suppression rhetoric.
Like you, I'm highly suspicious of anyone who advocates AGAINST voting, or against voting blue. And I agree, many of these people are not bots, like you said, but I call them useful idiots, because they're doing the bots' work for them.
The one thing you said that I'm going to push back on is "there didn't really seem to be much if any progress made with Biden." Biden's actually made lots of progress on a variety of issues, and reversed some of Trump’s damage, it just doesn't get a lot of fanfare and it’s unfortunately happening at the same time as Republican gains in state legislatures and while they control the Supreme Court. But Biden and his administration have:
• invested billions in green architecture and clean energy, including making sure federal investments benefit low-income communities
• introduced new fines for companies' methane emissions
• introduced a plan to cut the federal government's greenhouse gas emissions by 65% by 2030 (that includes the military, which is a huge emitter)
• passed a huge bill for improving the country's infrastructure, including bridges, roads, broadband and more
• introduced first-ever national strategy on gender equality and equity and pushed Congress to pass the Equal Rights Amendment
• fought for women's reproductive rights after the overturn of Roe v. Wade
• put more women, people of color, and women of color on the federal bench than any of his predecessors combined
• nominated Kentaji Brown Jackson as the first Black woman to serve on the Supreme Court
• boosted funding to historically Black colleges
• ordered the DOJ to end the use of private prisons by the federal government
• pardoned thousands of people convicted on federal marijuana charges
• created a White House office of gun violence prevention
• passed the Respect for Marriage Act, guaranteeing federal rights and benefits for same-sex couples
• rolled out a series of actions to protect the rights and safety of the LGBTQ+ community, including protecting queer and trans foster youth, improving access to mental health services, and addressing the rise in hate crimes
• challenged discriminatory state bans against gender-affirming care and trans athletes
• called to support trans youth in State of the Union address and restored the White House tradition of recognizing Pride Month
• changed passport rules so that people can obtain a passport with no gender marker
• examined efforts by each federal agency to advance LGBTQ+ rights around the world
• reversed Trump's transgender military ban
• protected the rights of incarcerated trans people
• forgave billions in student debt, repeatedly, and introduced penalties for college programs that trap students in debt
• slashed bank overdraft fees
• expanded guaranteed overtime pay for millions of people
• made union-busting harder
• prevented discriminatory mortgage lending
• made efforts to expand the child tax credit, which could lift hundreds of thousands of children out of poverty
• cracked down on agriculture monopolies to support farmers and small businesses
• made it so the government is going to start taking drug companies' patents away if they don't make affordable drugs
• made over-the-counter birth control pills available for the first time
• lowered the cost of hearing aids and expanded access to them
• spent millions of dollars on students' mental health
• reversed discriminatory healthcare rules
• reinvigorated cancer research
• announced plans to replace all leaded pipes in the next ten years as well as combatting lead exposure abroad
• changed rules for how people can get aid after disasters so they can get more protection and immediate payments more easily
• introduced new data privacy rules protecting people from tech companies
• pushed the federal government to monitor AI risks
• maintained steadfast support for Ukraine in the face of Russian aggression
• maintained steadfast support for Taiwan in the face of Chinese intimidation
• strengthened ties with allies in Asia and the Pacific Islands
• pledged climate change assistance to low-lying Pacific Island countries
• literally IMMEDIATELY after being elected, Biden fortified DACA, rejoined the Paris Agreement, and ended Trump's discriminatory "Muslim ban", ended the Keystone XL Pipeline and fossil duel development in wildlife monuments, (same as last link) rejoined the WHO, strengthened COVID-19 response measures on a variety of fronts, re-included non-citizens in the U.S. census, and passed executives orders on racial equity in the federal government
And I'm sure there's more I left out.
There are also things Biden does that literally don’t make the news, but matter a lot, like funding the Postal Service, and continuing to have a State Department so we can conduct overseas diplomacy (Trump tried to defund the USPS and wants to purge the State Department and fill it with loyalists).
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