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#also im in therapy now that's fun or whatever
cetoddle · 8 months
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also i got lots and lots of compliments on my outfit today and they were able to fix my necklace! i only wanted the big knot out but they fixed the other ones for me too and even cleaned it and for some reason they didn’t even charge me !! and i got my book ! yayyy
#successful day 😎👍🏻#also the part for my car arrived..now i just have 2 wait on my f*ther to replace it for me..#anyways#i didn’t even wanna get up out of bed today but i had to cause i had therapy and u know what#i ended up having a pretty good day -w-#i didn’t get to talk 2 the cute barista at starbucks but..whatever#but! i did end up dressing up a little and i felt so cute today and got lots of compliments which was nice#and i got all my shopping done and had fun..#im still surprised they fixed and cleaned my necklace and didn’t charge me..#i asked abt it and the guy said not to worry abt it and to just come back again sometime *wink*#and i said okay :D and left and then tripped on the curb outside when i was leaving#i’m not exactly in the market for fine jewelry and hopefully my necklace won’t implode on itself again at least for a while so..i probably#will not be going back anytime soon#i did kinda wanna ask if i could have like my ring size measured but i was too shy to ask#the guy behind the counter was kinda cute and very nice and i didn’t wanna bug him so i just sat and waited for my necklace ;-;#i don’t even wear rings im just curious#uhmm. what else. i got some ingredients to make cookies tonight :3#it was nice to have a good day for once -w- i just hope this isn’t a bad omen that things are about to get super fucked#im not trying to be negative!! but it is a genuine pattern in my life that whenever i have a good day or things go well for a bit#that means something disastrous is looming around the corner#i guess we’ll see :’)#snow.txt
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ronithesnail · 2 years
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People really be like “uwu look at these quirky trans people born in the wrong bodies owo what a quirky lifestyle lol” like no bitch im in so much pain rn that i cant fucking get out of bed and my spine is so fucked up from slouching in order to cope with the dysphoria and ive been binding so much that its causing severe chest and stomach pains and I STILL KEEP DOING IT BECAUSE ITS GENUINELY BETTER THAN THE ALTERNATIVE
“Being born in the wrong body” is a fucking dehibilitating condition and i desperately need medical treatment for it.
#im not saying that being trans is a disorder or something#i do like being trans imean i wouldnt be the same person if i wasnt trans#but i just think that people need to realize that this isnt a fun or easy thing this shit is mentally emotionally and physically painful#and causes so many problems like omygod if i wasnt such an optimist i would be dead so long ago#being “born in the wrong body” or whatever is a lot more painful than just being mildly uncomfortable with social norms#For me at least#others are different and thats valid#But like#i can’t go to the fucking grocery store because of this dysphoria its just too much#trans is not a disorder…#but imean… some of yall would benefit from that kind of view#like any disorder- treatment needs differ from person to person#for some people its as simple as acknowledgement and some mild accommodations#meanwhile others may be in such high risk that they need surgery and prescription drug therapy#neither is more valid than the other#we all have needs that need to be respected and treated if we are to ever live healthy happy lives#why are yall so obsessed with mistreating people who are already in pain like fr first ableism now this shit#When you force your trans kids into clothes that make them dysphoric you’re not disiplining a bratty punk or protecting them from anything#You are not only ignoring an “accommodation” that your child needs to live a normal healthy happy life#But you are also adding to the pain of an already painful experience. You are choosing to amplify the sufferring and the limitations caused#Jesus chrsit im so tired my body hurts so much rn#I wrote this a while ago actually but i had it saved in my drafts and completely forgot about it
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skunkes · 6 months
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sorry if this is a silly question but do you like. sit down and talk with your ocs in your head? and they tell you about themselves? how do you get them to reveal information....i am begging mine to let me know them orz
I do! In several different ways ^_^ the trick is to think of yourself as a character in your brain theater... ill mostly be explaining thru examples and using silly language ^_^ and its more How I Do It vs a how to....
"Sitting down and talking to em" interrogation style only happens before they're fully formed. when talon still didnt have very many traits it was like we were in a white room with 2 chairs... although you COULD make a scenario out of this its usually the Before for me. final tweaks in the form of basic traits and info before sending em out for further development
the way i get ocs to tell me about themselves is more thru actions! with talon I "locked him in a room" with al in the form of imagining how they'd meet. because I set it in talon's decrepit home with no running water or electricity, there come questions like. would he be accommodating? would he explain the vampirism or just rely on flashing his fangs or hiding them until its time to bite? these arent questions i actually went into the scenario having, but as you Play Dolls its questions that get answered anyway, ykwim? (although you could also go into the simulation (lol) with questions you want answered!) And its your brain so you can do as many takes and tweaks as you want, and things develop as you imagine the same thing, or different things, which all inform a character.
Scenarios could be anything. Im a serial daydreamer so anything goes depending on how bored I am or what im doing... and just like with real people, every scenario is a way to learn more about somebody...! It's like improv in your brain as you think up how they'd react and respond to things, and what they'd say. But also, going with your oc to the grocery store or a restaurant or to slay a dragon could give you insight into their behavior but likely not any info about their trauma or whatever, just like real people (but it also depends on the person) (and the oc!)
I DO have "sit down and talk" scenarios once i feel ive learned enough standard, early level friendship stuff about em though. It's much fun if you set the scene in your mind to mimic a real life Deep Conversation session. Sitting in the backyard on those plastic chairs, or aimless car ride at night. right now the one I keep going back to is just. Loafed in bed when you're really sleepy and just starting to say anything about anything and maybe get a little sentimental. sometimes its just me talking but I obvs have the ability to imagine how he'd be interpreting that in his brain, ykwim?? You play several roles at once I guess. It's like the sims, switching back and forth between povs, but the level of immersion i get into never feels like I'm Making Them Say It, it just feels natural at that point because I've learned enough.
There's also information that's shared by you figuring out what they'd Think (as above) vs what they say which is also fun characterwise... AND ALSO while im daydreaming scenarios I do multiple takes to find their voice. Like, I'm an overexplainer, a detailed therapy-speak-er. Sometimes I catch myself giving ocs that Voice and I have to do a retake. Like hold on, Talon would NOT be introspective. He wouldn't share all that shit I just "made" him say even if it is true and now I know about it. He'd say something insanely vague and confusing if anything at all. Let's take it from the top. etc
It rlly is about immersion! You have to have fun with it! Sometimes it's so Real to me that I genuinely can't develop an oc further because I cant make something up for them and they wont "tell me", which means I just have to spend more time with em I guess! or maybe need to leave em alone for a bit. or maybe ill never know (<- which also tells me about em!) just like real people. treat the fake people like real people in your fake dollhouse brain theater sims lot puppet show simulation.... also i added more in the tags bc i didnt know where to put it in the main txt 😭
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cali · 5 months
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im a different anon but im just curious what advice you would give to someone whos been pillbugging it for um. over a year now
mmm i cant really answer how to stop having depression which im guessing is what u mean + i dont know how ur head works but ive been living mostly NEET-ly for more than 2 yrs now and everyday im getting a better curve at dealing with it so i can tell u what works for me.
half the time when im pillbugging hard im paralyzed by a nontangible fear and the only thing that could stop it is adressing wherever the fear is coming from but the confrontation of the topic, trying to figure out where its even coming from, is terrifying too so i dont do it and stay swimming in tar. theres a sentence people keep saying when they explain why they watch 2 hour video essays "it makes my head go quiet". thats the enemy, the thought, not the person saying it. long term i mean. when its short term anguish that can be bridged by pillbugging its fine i think but if ur "making ur head quiet" for more than a month i urge u to make it go really loud again but thats hard. the only times i can try and confront those thoughts is when i feel otherwise nice, if i got externally forced to have a fun day, hike with my papa, date day with my girlfriend, sometimes just got myself to make a nice meal and it helped, when u feel better its a little less scary and u can maybe try and think out of it a little better. also i think on those days youre generally more positively charged so u got more hope outlook. COOL. i think this is why some people do meditation. im not good at it so i dont really know but i think its a brave pasttime of tackling unpleasant ideas. i used to try and dope my way out of it with lsd cuz everytime i used it it kind of forced me to confront whatever trouble i had but ive forbad myself that cuz i didnt want to rely on it as crutch + it was just unpleasant to get hit over the head everytime. now i only do it when i feel good already (havent done it in half a year lol). sorry, drug tangent. also weed is synonymous with pillbugging 4 me.
otherwise, rituals.... mmmmm..... when therapists and whoevers say stuff like take daily walks daily exercise take daily shower i think all of those are like half about the direct benefits they give and half just about doing anything regularly. cuz it helps. during pillbug hours the point for me is kind of to have time pass as fast as possible so the timeframe to hurt is reduced which is counterproductive cuz if it flows u by rlly hard u cant really grasp onto anything to get off the ride easily. and its never going to come really easy theres no probable single action or event that is going to singlehandedly pull u out of the mire, no rapture, no healing vitamin, its always going to be slow and tedious and boring and stupid but a routine is a nice framework to start that. brushing ur teeth is nice. and when u do something daily the days start becoming more tangible again and u will be able to tell how many days ago tuesday was. maybe u can think abotu what factors motivate u and twist them to do your biddinggg. shame and dissapointment works really well for me if i tell someone i will have this done by then and i dont it usually overpowers the malaise or whatever other reason has been making me not do it prior. but this requires social bonds and i cant guarantee u have those. in summer i started doing therapy cuz in germany i need it for transgenderism and shes also a good beacon for that, if she says do something until next time we meet i dont want to dissapoint her. other than that, um idk, everyting else is just kind of part of that. take walks even if u dont want to think about things even if its scary. be brave like childrens book illustration of knight slaying dragon. and then maybe u get a princess kiss
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meteor752 · 6 months
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Episode 6 and 7 thoughts
This will now be a regular thing
Also im writing this as I go
Episode 6
So Izzy thought Ed was Roach. Huh. Does he and Roach talk regularly? <- Coming from a Rizzy shipper
“Do weeeee?” Fang I love you
Oh my god, Frenchie and Jim coming to Ed and Stede like they’re kids asking if their cousins can sleep over
The crew going shoppiiiiiiiiing!!!
Frenchie’s lil dancey dance added many years to my life
Ed being nice and giving kids mon- oh never mind, oh that’s a knife okay. Ed never have kids please
“Don’t pirate kids” well listen okay I don’t have HBO Max it’s the only way I can watch this show
MY QUEEN
Wee John you’re so beautiful and amazing and we don’t deserve you
Jim’s lil mustache, like yeah me too <- Non-Binary person
Stede looks so happy about seeing Wee John!! He’s so proud of his son!
Izzy is gorgeous. I’m actually so happy to see him explore more sides of himself, and to find things he can indulge in. This whole season has really just been Izzy’s big therapy arc
His hair makes him look a bit like Cinderella’s evil stepmother though
Oh he can sing too! Izzy!!! <- A person who did not like Izzy in season one
Wee John X Izzy? Roach X Fang?
YO THE
POLYCULE DANCING?!
Ed protecting Stede….just, immediately putting him behind himself…I just…
I rewatched that clip five times
“Because I only hang out with cool pirates” Stede’s face!!! He’s just like Oh Snapppp
Despite it all, Stede and Ed are still the cutest couple that has ever graced the TV screen. Like hell yeah, make fun of people together!
Ed keeps being protective…..okay I need a moment…
Roach you’re a lunatic and I love you
“Whatever this is it’s just gonna turn me on” Izzy you’re a shining star
Also I just now noticed that Black Pete and Lucius aren’t there. I’m guessing they eloped somewhere and are currently taking care of their adopted cat
Nope okay, literally the second I unpaused there they are. That’s the worst timing
Hell yeah my dudes, I hope you broke whatever bed you used
“I’m just doing it for the lolz” Yeah that’s sounds like something someone from the 1700s would say
I know this is a pirate ship but why do they just have so many knives and swords laying about
Who is this fanged torture queen, and how do I acquire her number?
Stede remains best employer, while Aziraphale is the best landlord. Can these two people just run the world please and thank you
Hell Cat Maggie is my soulmate
I feel like there needs to be a pirate workers union
The crew of the revenge is the best found family of all time
Stede Bonnet can rival Steven Universe in reforming villains, like he’s just such a genuinely nice dude
“Alright gang! Let’s talk profit sharing”
Oh protective Stede, alright let’s go mate defend your mans
Okay but why is Stede kinda 👀 in this scene
Oh Stede, love…
OH THEY FAWHKING
That French? Izzy speaks french?
I want to see that man get dicked down
I guess the revenge now has a pet goat
Episode 7
Okay Ed is a soft boy again, aight
NO NOT THE LEATHER JACKET
The anime toast in mouth thing. He’s officially been baby girl for a long while, but we’re really solidifying it
OH THEY FUCKED
Isn’t there an anime where a mob boss becomes a house wife? Yeah that’s Ed
Oh we’re telling him about the mermaid fantasy, okay
Izzy what the fuck, you’re amazing
“He’s jealous” my darling
The polycule is going strong, and I love the absolute lack of jealousy. This is the best representation I have ever had
Oh they’re going on a date! That’s so sweet actually
It’s really sweet that they’re talking about their time apart
Stede’s famous now? Good for him!
I need to stop falling in love with every pirate lady In this show. That being said, I hope we see more of the fangirl lady
I’m reinforcing my claim that Stede and Ed are cuter than anything that has ever been on screen
OH MY GOD SWEDE
The Söt Och Saftig, my love. Also this far in and this is the first time the character “The Swede” actually says something in Swedish
Scammer Frenchie is back in business, love that
Jim and Archie trying to get their boyfriend set up is very sweet actually
The character development of Izzy going from wanting Ed to remain “Blackbeard” to him saying if being a softie makes him happy then he should do that, like I get it now, I know why you all love this man
OH MY FUCKING GOD STEDE
Can’t believe Stede is an official Slut now
Open communication? Like genuine conversation about their relationship, and the pace they’re taking it? Ed being honest that he’s not ready for the steps they’re taking in their relationship?
What is this argument
I live for Lucius and Black Pete’s nicknames for each other
“I’ve only known you for a few hours Bonnet, but I’d fucking die for ya” Same random dude. Same
Izzy🥹
Zheng and Olu are really cute actually
Oh my god the polycule will end my fucking life
DONT BRING ED INTO THIS ZHENG
“That was really mean” YOU TELL HER STEAK KNIFE
Protective Jim my beloved
Oh my god
Roach and Fang friendship?
Roach is the queen of self care
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roseamongroses · 10 months
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"AITA FOR EDITING MY BOSS'S SUPERHERO SUIT HOLOGRAM INTO A BUNNY FIT MID FIGHT CAUSE HE DELETED MY SIMS CC FOLDER"
Idc if im the asshole tbh but I think this is funny. I (15F) am a hero intern for this fairly big company, think superhuman secret society typa shit.
The thing is because I'm more of a "in the chair" hero, I spend a fair amount of time in the Headquarter's lab. My work load swings between nothing to fucking do and non-stop crisis mode.
Somedays I literally can't afford to take normal breaks and go home This facility, despite all the money we get, is held together with a paperclip cyber-security wise (and security wise. there's one them that lowkey be stealing but i aint a snitch okay). We do have an AI program (she's great, love her) but she's hella overworked too and essentially babysits the boss in the field, in his personal life, etc.
So forgive me if during the brief moments of peace, I happen be playing the sims. I never use the work monitors for this and the AI is fully aware that this is how I take my "breaks" and is FINE with it.
But one day the boss randomly walked in while I was busy browsing some hair options and lost his shit. "Something, something, anomoly" I don't even remember what he said, all ik is he was growling n shit over my shoulder with his stank ass breath. I didn't even think he was mad at ME fr-- he's just unhealed like that, so i let that shit go this time.
i leave to grab lunch rq and come back. day goes by normally. but when i log back into MY PERSONAL COMPUTER, my shit was gone.
Obviously ik it was him. No one else cares enough to do anything like that. So i go confront him. And of course that villianous ass bitch is cracking a smile talking bout some "you can play dress up at home,". like NO???? SIR I NEVER GO HOOOMMME. IM HERE ALL THE TIME???
keep in mind i do NOT get paid for this. the most i get is experience and a therapy session on Wednesdays, thats it.
unhealthy yes, but he knows that i care about this work and he def knows my home life isn't the best anyways. so idk why he was being so petty about it.
but since we're being petty now of course i had to go lower.
he has this lil hologram suit. it's cute or whatever, super secure. but i just asked his AI for a favor and she let me go ham on the programing.
everytime the program detects his heartrate above a certain level, his costume will change. i have it cycling through a few options, but the bunny suit has been a fan favorite lately.
he's pretty pissed about it and ik he suspects me, but he doesn't want to admit that i somehow got into his superfancy tech and embaressed him. so its a lot of passive aggressiveness and for sulking now. everytime he changes it, i change it back and then some. it's fun.
it has also become a growing meme in the work gcs, tho some of the heros have tried to scold me about it. but tbh idc. none of the costumes impede his work, if anything the distraction helps him catch villians off guard. so pretty harmless, i could do worst. so im taking suggestions on how to keep ruining his day until i get bored of it (or till i get all my cc redownloaded).
update: thank you for all the outfit suggestions!! also to the grown men mad at me in my messages, check ur emails for something fun :)
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macabrecravings · 4 months
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yes hello i heard you asked for harper propaganda so im coming to your rescue. i am assuming the gaslighting puts you off and I UNDERSTAND even for me it was an acquired taste but here are some of their charm points that i think people dont see at a glance
1. they love you. straight up they are infatuated with you. vrel has said that theyre kylar level obsessed they just happen to be more patient. vrel has also said that they for the most part dont treat other patients the way they treat pc and that they take every opportunity possible in their busy schedule to see them.
2. ik people see them as this insidious manipulator and yeah to some degree thats true but theyre such a fucking fail when you read between the lines. cums in their pants just from touching you. harper nobody is believing that having me kiss you is legitimate therapy and it doesnt help that youre LIKE 25 and do every medical/psychological profession under the sun what degree you have to have your staff hypnotized or something. blushes when you initiate anything. blushes when you have a big dick. virginity lines are shit like "say ahh" "please try to relax, im going to administer a suppository" "its time for your prostate exam" like ok buddy sure youre still trying to pretend to be professional while youre balls deep in my ass, just admit you have a roleplay kink
3. theyre so smug and its so fucking funny "nothing good on tv i take it" when you have your second pregnancy SHUT UP LMAO
4. their favoritism of pc is so blatant bc they dont give a flying fuck about ANYONE else. that scene where they have a random med student there to help examine you. the fact that theyve forgotten the students name,, who fucking cares theyre just there to feed harpers voyeurism kink now uh student. whatever your name is help me collect this cum out of pcs holes its for research i promise
ill spare you and stop myself here but ty for reading
omfg. asylumdweller themself coming to spread harper brainrot to me??? i’m honored….
Literally no better person to convince me than you LMFAOOO. WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT …… Okay yeah, yeah, the gears r turning I see the appeal now. 🤔
BAHAHAH. Harper, I’m sorry for not giving u a fair chance 😔 It’s my Whitney situation all over again … Hated them based off of the first ick I got. (Even though I clearly would enjoy their scenes and content if I didn’t judge a book by its cover PLSNDBDNF….)
Aw :( Love an obsessive, pathetic man. Fictional insidious manipulators are fun as fuck, look at my boy Cain <3 He’s the worst and I need him so carnally. Also, cringefail loser? I see… *nodding solemnly and taking notes*
“Nothing good on tv i take it?” IS FUNNY AS FUCK STOP IAIWJDNFBFN
THANK U FOR UR TIME AND EFFORT WRITING THIS!! /gen
i have much to think about ….
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kdinjenzen · 1 year
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One of the simultaneously most horrifying and blatantly obvious things that people just ignore is that Cis Het White creators of any kind (and/or major companies) can, and will, go around doing whatever they want with little to no worry… while if a creator from any marginalized group says they “didn’t enjoy (insert thing here)” suddenly there are death threats, call out posts, and a harassment campaign.
I cannot tell you how many times I have both SEEN and EXPERIENCED this chain of events:
“Mr. Man Person Who Eats Babies and Company Who Forces Overwork While Underpaying Employees are teaming up to create a new thing called Rainbow Gay Happy Fun Time with Zero Queer or BIPOC writers/staff and show is full of horrible tropes and an entirely cishet cast!”
Everyone: *CHEERS AND PRAISE FOR A SHOW WITH THE WORD GAY IN THE TITLE*
Marginalized Person With A Small Following: Hey, anyone else notice that that’s kinda messed up? Anyway, I’m going to skip watching that show.
Everyone: UHHHH… KILL YOURSELF!? HOW DARE YOU! MR. MAN PERSON WHO EATS BABIES ONLY ATE BABIES 10 DAYS AGO AND SAID SORRY AND ALSO SINCE I CANT SEE THE INJUSTICES OF THE EMPLOYEES AT COMPANY WHO FORCES OVERWORK WHILE UNDERPAYING THEIR EMPLOYEES THEN I CAN PRETEND IT DOESNT HAPPEN SO I DONT FEEL A SAD-SAD WHILE I ENJOY THIS SHOW WHICH IS THE BEST GAY GAY SHOW THAT EVER GAY-ED! THE DEADNAMING OF EVERY TRANS CHARACTER WAS A GREAT WAY TO REPRESENT THAT GROUP THAT IM NOT A PART OF! ALSO I AM HAPPY THAT EVERY QUEER PERSON ON THE SHOW IS A COP! I AM NOW GOING TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE SENDS YOU HATE MESSAGES AND MAKES YOUR LIFE HELL FOR THE NEXT YEAR OR FOREVER MAYBE! I HAVE NO LIFE SO I CAN MAKE HATING YOU MY NEW JOB!
Marginalized Person With A Small Following: I wish you a very therapy.
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halfagone · 1 year
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Hey hey Halfa dear,
Idk if this thought is anything you might find interesting, feel free to do whatever with it or nothing with it, or anyone else if you publish this;
I read something probably like a decade ago now that featured someone getting letters with no return address. They would come inconsistently but they were all from the same person just kinda addressed to the whoever lived at the random address they picked. Just talking about their life.
I just remembered this idea and thought it might be an interesting plot device. Maybe this is a Danny writing them trying to process what he's going through after something ghostly, or if he graduates and decides to start traveling with Dani for a bit he writes these to process.
Or maybe, even, he gets the idea to write these letters after becoming a halfa, or any of the big wild events of his life. And like he doesn't include directly identifying info, but he vents about what's happened, and he just writes them as ways to vent, and, well, they end up being delivered to a bat. Idk which bat. That's up to you. (I do think it's something that would grab Jason tho, his dramatic Jane Austen loving ass would love this shit)
I think for like why Danny starts, it could be that like Jazz is trying to get him to do something to take care of his mental health, so if he's not willing to do therapy or talk about things, suggests things like writing a letter to no one, and well, he does in a moment of needing to let out his emotions some how, and then impulsively like mails it and feels lighter, so he just... keeps doing it.
I just think this has the potential for so much angst and also, shenanigans as the bat on the other end like desperately tries to find the person writing these letters. Esp if there's like a tech blackout for Amity, so like traditional mail is the only real way information can get out of Amity, and since he'd have to be dropping it stamped in a mailbox and not just in his own, since this relies on not having a return address, no reason to suspect this letter is from Danny or that it contains anything they're trying to suppress
Okay now that I've dropped off this idea with you im gonna go try to get some sleep, 💜💜💜💜
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HOHOHO Okay... Possibly big brain moment? We'll have to wait and see? But! Danny has been living in the Ghost Zone ever since a really nasty incident (could be with his parents or the GIW, whatever your imagination prefers) so that he can heal and gather his strength. (He's an adult here, he doesn't have to worry about things like school and mandatory reporting.) And while he's in the Infinite Realms he ends up going into what is essentially a black market that's filled with, like, mortal magical items. (It's black market because if Walker hears about it, they'd all have to scatter like the rats getting found in the kitchen from Ratatouille.) He finds this mailbox, if you will, and it looks like something someone just ripped off a post from a suburban street and just kept for some reason? But the dealer insists that it's magical, cursed even! It doesn't have much of a function, though. As far as they've come up with, the mailbox just burns whatever mail you toss in there, so it's really just useless. Cursed! But useless.
But Jazz has been insisting a lot recently that he should really do something about his mental health. He needs to unload his feeling somehow, and no, punching the first person closest to you is not the way to do it! So Danny's like, hey! One man's trash is another man's treasure, I'll take it!
So Danny gets this mailbox set up, and he writes his letters and, just for kicks, writes these really weird, obscure no-context phrases on the front of the letter every time before he tosses it in the mailbox to- presumably!- be burned to ash. it can be anything from "potato salad" to "blood of my enemies". Danny doesn't really put too much thought into it, he just thought it was a fun little thing he gets to do, to lighten the mood you know?
But then Jason gets these letters. The first letter he receives in his mailbox doesn't have a stamp, doesn't have a return address, and it's not even addressed to him, but he thinks one of the rival crime lords must have sent it to him because the outside says, "YOU ARE NEVER SAFE."
Obviously he has to take it seriously, so he reads it even if it's not technically addressed to him. And at first he thinks someone is just fucking with him. Maybe Damian and Tim somehow managed to work together to write this mean-spirited prank? He tries not to think too deeply into it, but he does try to do research on some of the topics the letter brings up and he can't find anything??
And the letters keep coming. He's gotta admit some of the shenanigans the letters mention would be really good for a novel, and Jason can get so engrossed in the descriptions and he always gets a good laugh at the snarks. But then he gets a letter that has no words written on it, just a little, cartoonish heart scribbled on top. Jason is a little surprised, but he's not not going to read it, you know? So he reads the letter, and he finds himself quickly falling in love with this imaginary, mysterious person that's naming everything they love in their life, trying to show appreciation for the things they miss, and all the things they wish they still had. And fuck if Jason's not bawling his eyes out by the end of it.
Danny might have sent these letters out as emotional catharsis, but Jason is seeing himself in these letters too. And maybe, just maybe, Jason can heal along the way.
Now Jason is desperate to find the other person. Because that letter was way too emotional to be a joke. Not to mention there were dried tear stains on that letter, and surely that should help them somehow! He calls in some favors and gets some magic folk on the case, only to find out that whoever is sending these letters is in the Ghost Zone. But Jason knows they're alive (er, well, alive and dead, but it still counts!) and he just really wants to know if they're safe and well-taken care of, and are they lonely? Do they need help?
So he gets the magic-user helper to... fix up his mailbox a little. Obviously, there must be a connection of some kind between this mailbox and wherever the other guy is sending his letters through. The letters don't follow him to every safehouse or anything, just this one. By the end of the week, Jason has a huge packet, filled with all sorts of emotions and admissions, and just so much affection (no, he's not in love, stop laughing Dick it's not true).
Danny goes to open his mailbox to send through another letter and just screams his head off when he sees the manila folder on the other side.
When he realizes he's been sending someone all his rants and rambles and one too many vents, he's absolutely mortified.
I loved this so much, thank you for sharing this. I hope you did get some rest!
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saturngoldenchild · 2 years
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Astrology observations:
Today in honor of the hyyh era🥳 thank you guys for supporting my posts. I love it here.
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one thing about Aquarius placements…they know everybody. I can confirm. I can assure you I know someone who knows someone who can get what you need done. They only got a few friends tho and their 3 friends are always mad confused on who all these people are. And they’re just like 😃 what u mean?? True social butterflies, the get along with everybody. I always think of Megan thee stallion and taehyung as examples. People have spoken about how Megan is friendly with everyone and it helped her career so much and Tae…that man ain’t got not shame he comes up to everyone.
Another thing I’ve noticed about air placements too…they’re gonna have fun. It doesn’t matter what’s going on, where they are, they’re gonna have a good time. “Oh we going grocery shopping?? Bet” they’re gonna have everyone laughing and enjoying that trip. Same with sag but them mfs always wanna be the funniest in the room 😑 it’s not that deep just be urself. If it’s a party Libra brings the drinks and helps everyone with their make up, Gemini tells the jokes, and Aquarius gives us a show.
A leo sun is going to be super shy n quiet until all the attention is on them lmao. I have this friend who never speaks like ever…give this boy the opportunity to tell a story
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U cancer moon, rising, moon in the 1st bitches always looking like a Pixar movie baby. The cutest cheeks and eyes like they can’t hurt a fly.
Earth placements are hedonistic. They like nice things, they like luxury. They take a lot of life’s aspects seriously so whatever it is that makes them happy…They like to make good moments last very long. You already know what that means for an earth mars so I’m not even gonna type it 🙄
Libra risings will be thick. That’s it.
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Fixed Venus people cant be subtle to save their life 😭😭 these mfs be so direct, when they like someone they like them and it’ll show whether intentional or not.
Cancer sun women can be the biggest gossipers omg they know everyone’s business
Every Pisces woman I’ve met has a very cute high pitched voice. They’re adorable. They will kill u if u try them.
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Venus ruled suns so possessive 😭😭 they always look like they wish a bitch would try something like calm down. And this is with everything. One of my friends is a Taurus and they give the most nasty looks to anyone who bothers me😭 they’re so sweet until then…their whole demeanor changes. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW HES MINE. NO HES MINE YOU NEED TO GIVE IT UUUUUUP
- sorry. Next.
NO HOLD ON. A mix of Virgo n Scorpio y’all are not safe either 👀 huffing n puffing over nothing
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- now next
Earth mercury singers have a lot of vocal control. They also tend to preserve their voices very well, the older they get the better and more stable they sound.
The other day I went to a restaurant with my friends. A virgo, a Taurus, a Capricorn…argued on who pays for 5 minutes straight.
I know they say u match with the sign in ur 7th but y’all…😭😭 i can’t do a Virgo romantically. Or can I?????? All the ones I’ve met are fine. I’m conflicted. Y’all are too bossy.
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Capricorns and Tauruses cannot be kept away from each other u can’t convince me otherwise. They’re the perfect match.
Water placements…😃 so when are we gonna talk about them friends u give therapy to just to ditch u after. CANCER/PISCES MOONS IM LOOKING STRAIGHT AT U.
Saturn square mars so blunt 😭 quick example: Tyler, the creator. Enough said.
Leo and Aquarius will always fangirl together and it’s the cutest thing. They can discuss a performance/ piece of art/ artist for hours.
One thing about Virgo, aqua, Gemini placements…if it’s not hard to understand they don’t get it 😭😭 thing is if doesn’t challenge them they either don’t put the brain cells to work or are just lazy about it.
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aesterblaster · 11 months
Note
Ik you said to send hot takes but what about your hot takes 👀👀
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NYAHAHAHA THANKS FOR ASKING
*clears throat*
IsagiRin as a ship just doesn't work for me. Odk why just. Sorry I can NOT see your vision bestie. Half of the Blue Lock ships don't work for me especially when centered around Isagi because that boy switches side characters like they're pairs of shoes. In Blue Lock one or two sus or even sweet moments doesn't really amount to much to me because everyone has them here. That doesn't automatically mean date on a riverside resturant. On the other hand I totally could see Bachira x Isagi but I just think of them as really close friends because that's what gives me the most comfort being as some of the people who really saved my life were friends. I think it would be better if Bachira had a friend first and focused on himself before getting into any big relationship. Idk I guess that's more of a personal preferance
SPEAKING OF, I hate people who write Blue Lock smut w a burning passion. I'm not even gonna hit the whole iTS IMMorAL train it just usually sucks all the fun and personality out of the chosen character and is just trying to be as gross ans shocking as possible and twist them into somehow being pervs just bc they get all hyperactive when they play soccer. Like GET THERAPY. Half the time I go to the bllk tag im just scrolling like HE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT.
The anime gets a lot of slack but like... It's very difficult to transfer things from one medium to the other especially things as philisophical as Blue Lock
Fandom interpretations of Shidou are usually weirdly ooc because they wittle him down to like how cray cray he is or whatever and completely ignore for example, his respect for people who are also creative and out of the box or his ability to deal with lonliness and being othered by everyone
Characters that shouldn't be hated nearly as much as they are: NOA NOEL. You heard it here folks. I genuinely believe he's just trying his best and honestly most coaches would've asked to drop half the player he has to deal with by now like cmon you got an emo gymrat who was forced to become like you, you got a playee whos EYESIGHT IS FAILING but will literally start falling apart if you bench him, you got..kaiser and his lapdog ass cronie who dont listen to your plans at all, you got an entire rift between new and old players. Like how do you even fix that when you can't send people home (i think)? He gives good advice sometimes ngl and they're winning games so like...
Cont. Sure he isn't as funny or amusing to read as Lavinho or Chris and he isn't as open as Snuffy but DAMN IT he's doing his job ok? And all the dad son moments between him and Isagi are to die for.
Naruhayas little miniarc is honestly has the saddest backstory implications to me. THERE I SAID IT. Rin's is indeed tragic and heartwrenching but can be fixed, he can move on and heal if he so chooses. Bachira...ok nvm bachira's ties with it. Hiori's is an absolute tear jerker but he is still in Blue Lock. He still has some time to grow. Naruhaya? There's nothing that could be done to fix his position or bring him up or cut him from the weights dragging him down. We see so many characters in the Blue Lock universe rise from their poverty through soccer but DAMN IT NARUHAYA EXISTED TO SHOW THAT THAT IS A LUCKY AND FEW 2 PERCENT. HE PROBABLY HAD TO GIVE UP ON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HIS DREAMS JUST TO SUPPORT THE VERY FAMILY HE LOVES SO MUCH. HIS PARENTS LITERALLY DIED. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? BACHIRA STILL HAS HIS MOM, RIN AT LEAST HAS HOPES OF RECONCILING WITH HIS BROTHER AND HIORI MIGHT ONE DAY SAFELY CUT HIS PARENTS OFF BUT HIS ARE IMPLIED TO BE GOOD PEOPLE JUST..STRAIGHT UP DEAD. AND THE WAY HE STOLE FOOD ALL THE TIME???? IM GOING INSANE.
Ok thats all for now LMAO
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justalilpearlie · 3 months
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Introduction/Fun Pearlie Facts
Was abt time I did one of these.
Hello everyone, my name is Pearl, Pearlie or Sam/Sammy if you're feeling like it. Friends also call me Martini sometimes.
I am a minor, my labels... we dont talk about them (fem presenting ftm gay/mlm + trying out gendervoid and verinix + bigender??) uhmm and I go by He/She, tho mostly He/Him by strangers- I can She/Her myself and close friends/mutuals are allowed! (I also go by neos: Void/Moon/Sweet/It/Fluff/Love/Fizz/Paw)
I'm from Argentina, born and raised, never moved. Speak fluent english and spanish.
I got the 'tism and the adhd, aswell as BPD and a few other things I wont list right now! But yeah I'm psychotic (ooo scary word.. lmao)
- -🌄-📀-🌙- -💚- -💛- -✨-🌄-✨- -💛- -💚- -🌙-📀-🌄- -
I'm an IRL of many, mainly c!Pearl (mcyt), Samuel Emily (fnaf [games canon]) and Shin Tsukimi (yttd). If you don't like it you can leave, block me, or whatever, cause you aint gonna change my life or how I am. I'm in therapy, which unlike random hate and harrassment online, does help me :)
I like to roleplay, draw, sometimes make playlists or moodboards.. And my biggest interests right now are Life Series (+ evo + new life), Empires1(+ a bit of e2) and FNaF! (i dont rlly like the books tho lol..)
I use kin tags for reach cause I'd love interaction from any fellow lifers or empires ppl, hermits aswell!! Tho I havent finished s8 or s9 yet...
Fictionkins, therians and traumagenic systems all welcome!
- -💥-🐺-🌙- -❤️- -💛- -✨-💥-✨- -💛- -❤️- -🌙-🐺-💥- -
DNI prefferably:
- Basic DNI criteria (proshippers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, TERFs, ableist, etc)
- Endos/non-traumagenic "systems" DNI. block me if u want, i wont argue abt it in the comments/reblogs. or interact if u want but im not gonna follow u back or anythin shrugs.
- reality checkers or anti-IRLs DNI. I aint "romanticizing" shit, I'm existing and living my life, if thats a problem to you too bad cause my psychologist aproves of what I'm doing, since I aint harming anyone and I myself am doing dandy.
- anti-kin also DNI cause most of my friends are fictionkins and if you talk shit abt my fellas idk i wouldnt like having u around much
CCs interact at your own risk. This is my domain, cyan man & moon lady. /hj
- -🪸-🐸-🌙- -💙- -🩵- -✨-🪸-✨- -🩵- -💙- -🌙-🐸-🪸- -
"Disclaimer"
- I talk about MajorMoon (Scott x Pearl) a LOT, if u didnt notice by the acc theme. These are my romantic memories, its a gay ship, not woman/gay man, so if it makes u uncomfortable or u hate it or whatever then ur probably not gonna like my content lmao. COUGH, consider joining us if you do like what you see... /nf We're a small comunity of supporters.. just me.. and a few of my peeps... that was a joke, sir. /ref
- This isn't roleplay, its my main acc where im ""unapologetically"" myself, but if u do wanna rp life series/empires u can always shoot me a dm and maybe I'll give u my discord.
- I talk about myself (c!Pearl) using 3rd person in many posts tagged with main fandom tags. This is to cause less confusion to casual fans slash ""normies"" (lhj) that well.. don't know what IRLs are! Also that way I feel safer and don't have to worry as much abt getting harassed and such for my identity.
- -🌸-⛰️-🌙- -💚- -💙- -✨-🌸-✨- -💙- -💚- -🌙-⛰️-🌸- -
Special People Mentions!! fps = * (1 or more.. wouldnt say in a priority sorta order but. more or less yea)
Family! <3 🌼@pehpurr* SISTER!! super duper cool, her art is great and you should check it out!! YOU. You're the brightest little girl (i say like ur not older than me) I'VE EVER MET ACTUALLY! You're so passionate and loving I freaking adore you!! I love you so much Scar, you're one of the best things to ever happen to me, Kanny &lt;3 ⚙️@gentlexmadman DAD!! you are my daaaad, you're my dad! woogie woogie woogie! ANOTHER amazing artist! mr "I know that guy-", very funny, Henry "Autism" Emily... the copper king, my father. Speaking to you is always comforting. Love you so much papa, you're amazing :)
Simply special <3 ☕@insomniac-coffeehouse** You're all simply so very special to me. I love spending time with you guys and playing stuff together, you mean a lot to me and I'm so glad I met you. I hope we're still close for this year and many more! You're incredibly talented, not only at art, at everything you do. You spark joy in my brain and my heart <3 From the bottom of my heart, I'm in love with the hope you bring to this world. 🍊Jack***, oh my dear Jacky, where do I even begin, sport... you really are my other half. Mi media naranja if you will. haha.. I love every second we spend together, I love your voice, I love your eyes, I love your smile, your laughter. I love your use of words, the way you speak, your humor, your seriousness and goofiness. You stiff fuck, you were made for me and I was made for you, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You're my everything, mi vida, mi luz, mi estrella. Mi amor, mi mundo. <3
New friends! 🍓@strawberrystarfield I know we met fairly recently but you're all incredibly fun to talk to, your art is also amazing, your accent is real pretty (cough for a bri-💥), you're real sweet and I love reading all your thoughts and critiques about things :} (love ya Aspen /gen) 🏜️@fagdykegtws My right hand man! I know we just met through the rarepair server but oh my god we're in the same brainwave!!! You're so fun to vc and chat with and you got the best ideas ever fr fr, love ya Chewy, you're real sweet even w how lil i know you ;)
That's it folks, love yall and see you around!
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charlieswanismydad · 1 year
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about me !!!
links
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drawn by the amazing @ghosttoastx !!! if you read this ily you’re never getting rid of me now
Hi!!! I’m Alice.
I do stuff. It’s pretty cool.
Enfp, hufflepuff, Capricorn Sun, Libra moon, Pisces rising, he/she, and more!! I’m also a non-partnering aromantic and gray asexual!
I stalk blogs I like, don’t be alarmed if I like a bunch of posts at once!! In fact, be happy!! I love you!!!!!
If you want to talk to me please do!!! I want more friends. Just keep in mind I am a 15 year old minor!
You have been warned!
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DNI:
racists, homophobes, sexists, etc. general dni criteria ig
people who just hate for no reason!! (anti-furry, just hating on certain fandoms, etc. ticks me off!)
proshippers
frans/fontcest
exclusionists
radqueers
radfems
pro paras. go to therapy
nsfw (also sorta related to above, pro cnc/ageplay. go to therapy)
WIPS:
Wilting Flowers - My actual baby. My pride and joy. It’s imperfect but that’s okay.
The actual grim reaper falls in love with a mortal. I can’t do it justice, you’re just gonna have to trust me.
don’t break my heart - Shameless Sans fanfic. All of the self indulgence ever, but it brings me joy :) semi discontinued, might come back!
I love it man. It makes me so happy. Basically yn is an awkward dumbass and so is Sans and they fall in love and stuff :)
Fandoms:
My main fandoms are Twilight and Undertale (obv), but I’m in a bunch more!! :D
The Arc of a Scythe by Neil Shusterman
Harry Potter by Daniel Radcliffe (JK…)
Steven Universe by Rebecca Sugar
Doki Doki Literature Club by Dan Salvato
Omori by Omocat
Arcane by Riot Games
The Walten Files by Martin Walls
The Amazing Digital Circus by Glitch Studios
The Phantom of the Opera by Andrew Lloyd Webber (the book’s by Gaston Leroux but i haven’t read it lol)
Deltarune by Toby Fox (is that an anagram???)
Meet the Robinsons by Disney
And more that aren’t off the top of my head!! Just ask bros :)
I’m kinda obsessed with UTMV, soooo….
Fav AU - Insomnia (link to chapter 1)
Fav Sans - Dust by Ask-Dusttale and Geno by LoverofPiggies
Music:
Ranked by popularity, with my fave songs from each! Just like the fandoms, it's all over the place.
Taylor Swift - Haunted
Hozier - In The Woods Somewhere
Muse - Soldier's Poen
Mitski - Last Words of a Shooting Star
Will Wood - Suburbia Overture/Vampire Culture/Whatever the hell the name is idek anymore
Dazey and the Scouts - Maggot
The Oozes - I Still Adore You
Lemon Demon - Action Movie Hero Boy
Tally Hall/Miracle Musical - Misery Fell
Teddy Hyde - Terry’s Taxidermy
Destroy Boys - Crybaby
The Crane Wives - Little Soldiers
Steam Powered Giraffe - Malfunction
Writing Requests:
HEY SO HERES A FUN FACT: I WANT YOU TO ASK ME TO WRITE THINGS FOR YOU!! LIKE I LOVE THAT!!! I WILL WRITE YOU LITTLE ONESHOTS IF ITS A FANDOM IM IN!!! OR I CAN WRITE ABOUT MY CHARACTERS IF YOU’RE INTO THAT!!! JUST PLEASR PLEASE PLEASE ASK ME AAAAAAA
Things You Might Want to Be Aware Of:
i tend to isolate myself when i’m having a Big Sad™️ moment. please do not be mad if i act cold!!!
i’m a very empathic person and i get really upset around negativity. please do not send me or mention me in anything political or controversial.
i get in my head about disturbing/sexual things. once again, don’t show me this stuff. don’t ask me to write about it, either!!
i am uncomfortable around religious discussions. i get enough of them irl!!! please keep them away from me :')
i’ve got adhd and possible ocd so yeah and also my auditory processing sucksssss so if we ever interact on call or *gasp* irl then i’ll say “what?” every five seconds
books. @bunny-on-a-bookshelf for books.
i’m just a silly little girl who is also a boy. we have fun here
Tags:
(new so they haven’t been used much)
#mootie patooties - mutuals
#irl alice - real life shtuff
#reblogs - self explanatory
#alice writes sometimes - my writing!!!!
#skeleposting - undertale/utmv
#is that an anagram??? - deltarune
#sparkly - twilight
#im aspec BUT - simping, fangirling, i do a lot of it
#liveblogging homestuck - reading homestuck and making vague comments about it.
#ALL HAIL - welcome to nightvale stuff!!!
#rock n robinson - meet the robinsons
#musical automatons - steam powered giraffe!!!! the best band ever btwwwew
Moots:
I literally love you guys 😭😭
@donotreleasemeintothewild
@livforlive
@last-herondale
@hiro-doodlez
@sneakyfox55
@junessillywachingcorner
@popiollie
@toka-san
@wishtale-blogs
@italic-does-random-shit
@ghostboisonly
@just-let-me-call-myself-arson
@pizzatowne
@ghosttoastx
@thenocturnenarrator
@lelitachay
@paraska00
@tundra116
@blurboppz
@flesh-archivist
@matzahstein
@paranoid-radio
@martinibass
@drrobotnic
@sandwich2451
@blaster-fagot
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Text
Born “gifted”; grown chronically depressed
// long, personal post. basically a tutorial on express therapy (and by express I mean 10 years of rationalising, learning psychology on myself and fictional characters + 48 hours of not sleeping)
When I was grieving I spent 48 hours sleepless
it’s not that I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been on insomnia medication for 3 years now. I just had to “have a reason” and time to actually acknowledge my emotion and thoughts which caused my body to struggle with setting a “proper” circadian rhythm
Living with a 5 person family in basically a studio flat for 13 years of my life low-key harmed my ability to think and “feel” without privy eyes
this accidentally sent my brain into survival mode where I could only “think rationally” at night
So when we moved out and I got to have a room of my own
that’s when *serious* sleep problems started
my brain would just REFUSE to shut the fuck up
first off I was used to tv noise while falling asleep
i fixed it up with some rain sounds or watching ATLA when I was feeling funky
it distracted me enough
still I wouldn’t fucking sleep.
because my brain didn’t feel like it
probably hyperactivity which I could never “treat” with sport as an asthmatic kid
also an outcast but it is what it is
unable to name the cause of my insomnia I would just head to sleep at 10pm. Two reasons for that:
a) you know what they say! Don’t trust your thoughts after 10PM
b) 8h of sleep is THE healthy amount. And it seems like my brain likes waking up early for whatever reason!
yeah also I went through a fair share of medication before they got it right
anyways whoops I’m depressed now. Very depressed and even more anxious. Day by day my brain is giving me more compulsive behaviours and thoughts! Yaaay!
so I went through a 3 years worth of antidepressants
also a lot of unintended research (thanks, tiktok.)
basically I “subconsciously” KNEW what my problem is but “consciously” my brain refused I acknowledge it because haha living in the state of constant survival mode is way more fun! right?
right?
basically it was like being a doctor and being pretty certain about the diagnosis but having to go to some other doctor to objectively either confirm or discard my diagnosis
yeah anyways I changed medication, SNRI, venlafaxine
known to help some adhd folk with severe vegetative depression for “no reason”
Yeah basically my new psychiatrist kept on upping the dose until I got “a kick in the ass” so we know it works
and then my aunt died.
wELL my workaholic and emotionally constipated child brain would NOT acknowledge it
hell you’d catch me dead before I’d admit that I felt shitty but didn’t know how to deal with that because at the same time I “saw it coming”
No one ever told me she’s sick
I just saw her hair loss (or rather a sudden haircut change and awkward silence that followed) and had some foggy memory of someone saying her sister died of cancer
Mind you I don’t fucking remember my childhood that well
hell I don’t remember it at all but it is what it is
I just “know” some things and some are more of a “hunch”
I have this information buried in my brain but I can’t recall how it got there, ykwim?
yeah basically I was suspecting she’s dying of cancer but I was trying to stay optimistic and told myself I’m “overthinking it”
and I thought the mourning was “good enough of a reason” to stay up for 48 hours, write down my “thoughts” and wail all day long (yes, everyone gave me shit for crying growing up, how did you know?)
anyways yeah I did this and suddenly I “solved” the root of ALL my anxieties and minor paranoias.
as if it was a fucking riddle. Or a fucking house MD episode.
I hope you can understand WHY I’m so livid.
I SPENT OVER 3 YEARS ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND MADE ONE THERAPIST CRY JUST BECAUSE MY BRAIN WENT SO FAR INTO THE SURVIVAL MODE EVERY TIME I INTERACTED WITH A HUMAN BEING. IM JUST FUCKING AUTISTIC AND TRAUMATISED NOT “ANXIOUS” AND “PARANOID”
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE
Also I’m fucking dyslexic. But hyperlexic at the same time. I mean I’m hyperlexic in my native language, and I “remember” the spellings so I went undiagnosed
but I love technology. I want to be a CS student and then I’ll see where I can go from here. I’d love to work on an online learning platform for “gifted” children
y’know so they don’t lose their childhood but at the same time can associate learning with something nice and actually enjoyable
I think a lot of “gifted kid burnout” comes from the | dopamine <—> habit making | mechanism
so if children can learn they don’t HAVE TO be good at every subject and learn their “strengths and weaknesses” early on
Hardships later on won’t be as depressing
cause hey maybe I’m not the best at english but I know a lot about maths and I like maths and maybe when I grow older I can be a mathematician!!
you see what I mean?
at least this is what I’m trying to do for myself
generational trauma and neurodivergency running in the family made me develop some shitty coping mechanisms (example - perfectionism in order to cope with my actual time blindness and the “need” for structure while hating organisation and refusing “unreasonable” authority)
I wasn’t raised catholic, not really
nor was I raised queer lol
but my brain reacted to religion the same way people who went through religious trauma did
basically I put myself through religious trauma on accident!
fun, aye?
what I mean is, I grew up religious because that’s what “felt right”
tradition and all that
and then I realised the catholics hate me for no fucking reason
and then I thought “well fuck you too!” And called myself an atheist
later it went into agnostic
and a couple of weeks back I grew OBSESSED with religion
christian one I mean
Fuck I even started reading the nsrv bible in english (!)
and then I tried to interpret it “by myself” using some historical context and googling some stuff
WHAAAAAAAT! Turns out the bible is a product of its own time and is not to be taken literally!
That’s crazy innit?
Yeah and then I realised all of my recent hyperfixations (last two years) were a silent ways of rationalising ALL my “unreasonable” anxiety and trauma caused by; you guessed it
NOT UNDERSTANDING SYMBOLISM AND SOCIAL CUES AS IT IS
IN MY NATIVE FUCKING LANGUAGE
I can learn *any* language
I just need some books, movies, music in said language
But don’t ask me about any grammar. I don’t care about grammar. And you can’t make me. Idfk what present simple is but I can shove it so far up your ass your own mother won’t recognise you. so yeah
I’m great at learning languages cause they’re a “brainless” work for me
I mean
I learn languages for fun - it’s a tool to communicate with broader audience AND find more knowledge on the internet (I Google EVERYTHING in english)
and when someone tries to make it into an actual job of mine. This is when it goes downhill.
also english being coded as “language of knowledge” is my “main” language
my native language is way more complicated and I never really had to acknowledge my emotion in polish
I mean maybe I did but I just never wanted to cause I never learned that! English in comparison is simple. It allows me to communicate simple ideas without the need to “sound smart”
this and isolation from my peers (kids are bastards) gave me an actual “language barrier”
which isn’t the case really
it was just my overthinking
I started enjoying polish music way more recently cause I can never get the lyrics
so I listen only to what sounds “cool”
in english on the other hand the most of my music taste was built around midwestern emo and folk punk
cause I listened only to songs that felt “somewhat relatable”
yeah all of that understanding makes me want to write an essay but i kind of don’t care and I’m too lazy to do that!
so yeah this is how I “cured” my compulsions, anxiety, depression, irritability and perfectionism. By having fucking adhd and being a massive nerd. because I would hyperfixate on linux, customisation, open source applications, cybersecurity, programming
turns out I’m great at maths since I KNOW HOW to solve the problems
My brain is just too quick to do it step by step so I tend to skip and get lost in my own fuckin notebook 💀
schooling just made me believe I suck at maths and i should actually kms for trying to improve at it /hj /lh
And I suck at my own language. I know a lot of “complicated” words and can deduce what certain words mean (logically) but I have issues adapting my language to my listeners. I either cuss every other word (too comfortable; thanks mom LMFAO)
Or I speak like an university professor. To my peers. And they don’t know what the fuck is going on. And I end up isolating myself because of crippling fear of being misinterpreted. And people think I don’t have a sense of humour whatsoever because I don’t “get” jokes. But I joke a lot and am very sarcastic cause that’s just how I am. God damn it
When were y’all going to tell me not everyone thinks I want to use them and be a bastard overall when I need to ask someone for help. when. were. you.
icb I had to go to paid therapy, feed myself some subliminal messaging, deprive myself of sleep for 48 hours, force myself to talk to my dad about things I don’t understand or scare me, go manic for a week on venlafaxine, my aunt had to die and I had to have a reason not to go to school for 2 days for me to actually acknowledge my emotion instead of rationalising it.
also everyone in school + my therapist thinks I’m still manic and in need of hospitalisation. How do I even begin to explain it’s not that I have superiority complex, and I just realised I’m hella smart, just in a pretty unexpected way….. because thorough my entire life I never acknowledged it for the sake of being “humble”. bitch it’s not humble it’s the lack of self worth and being someone else’s doormat.
y’all think that if I say “house md and one tumblr post cured me” they’ll let me off the radar?
no honestly I have too much to catch up on (maths, c++, reading in POLISH, and learning German for fun) to actually care about “depressing” things of this world
I mean sure it does sound unhealthy in hindsight
but thing is
this is the first time in my life where I don’t feel hopeless both about present AND the future
and I guess that’s enough for now
I have “a goal” and that’s enough
Later I might catch a job as an actual university professor. Maths or computer science. Biology or physics maybe?
it gives me an excuse to be “eccentric” lol
cause the students are here to learn not to make fun of who I am and focus on that
sure it’s a funny anecdote to mention like “dude my physics teacher is fucking nuts but at least his lectures are interesting”
and that’s all I care about
I get to express myself instead of internalising anything
and the students get to learn
yay and yay
mutual benefit!
yeah anyway fuck I have so much shit to catch up on and I’m so lazy I actually have to reorganise my room and desk so I don’t try to do my homework in bed……. (Yes I was THAT depressed and lazy)
when I do my chores in bed I keep on losing my pens and I’m one minor inconvenience away from doing something I might not particularly want to do…….
yah
thats it I guess
If this post made anyone realise something (“connect some dots”)
congrats and I’m sorry you had to find out this way LMFAO
if not
scroll ahead, not the target audience probably
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romanticfistfightz · 3 months
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i need to learn to sawww properly i have a sawing . sewing ? learn to sew??? whatever i have a machine i want to . do stuff witb it i alreayd have some plans and i wanna draw new furry oc thata inly in my head for now and i would looove to use up the canvas i have laying aorund kn my room ans try to paint aomething but i dont even know what . and i want to finish a gift for my bf and i would lovee to start writing again and i wnana do so many thingz . but i get overwhelmed and do absolutely nothing or playing a game for 7 hours bc its a fun game j love it!!!! but its. also i cried today cuz i hate how my hair looks. but onlt today normally im just slightly displeases cuz most of my fringe broke off and the hair that didnt started curling even more and i can have. an emo fringe and i cant sleep at all melatonin does not work. i mean sometimes it does just not the type i have . sometimes j think i wanna start therapy again but i have such an idealised version of a therapist i want i cannot deal with one thats not exactly that and also i change my mind all yhe time hetween i want a therapist i dont want a therapist and it stays on u cant have a therapist cuz we dont have momey for a therapist also i need to go to a dentist and endocrinologist bc i might need to go back to prolongatum cuz nebido is. it kinda works ig but my t levels are super low and my estrogen levels are super high . no clue where i was going i just had Thougths i needed to get out so i can sleep or think abt my furry oc. who i need to find a name for. time to cover this post up with reblogs
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tstwitterupdates · 1 year
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I feel like (imo from being a creative and having life get in the way) Thomas plotted out s2 and how it was supposed to go a long time ago and then his whole fricken world changed. Cause like, first it was the production company, then Joan and Talyn, then several health scares, then a relationship and a breakup, and, obviously, and entire pandemic and a hurricane ruining part of his studio. And that's just the stuff externally. So I get why it's taking so long, cause he wants to make it perfect, and he can't change his plans for s2 at this point, because it will ruin basically everything. Plus, with Into the Unknown and the among us videos, right, it's clear he's trying his best to put content out there. So I can understand where he is.
I think I'm just frustrated because I miss when we had stuff like Thomas and Friends content, like Real or Fake Anime or Joystick Joyride and stuff. I feel like the Sides/Cartoon Therapy wait would be less painful if we were getting a bit more content on that end, you know? Cause while it's been a long time, I still feel like it would've mitigated the pain seeing him a little more frequently. Plus, I think Roleslaying would feel less odd if there was other content going out around as often as the once-a-week uploads for a month or so, rather than it being basically all the content we see from him, now.
I know Thomas is also getting to a better place with bulk recording an the like, and I'm genuinely still excited to see what's coming up. It just sometimes feels like Thomas is hyperfocusing on the big projects, and not letting himself enjoy the stuff that makes the bigger projects feel more substantial, if that makes sense.
i kinda agree im not sure i haven’t made up my mind on this. i liked the videos with his friends before but they’ve also gotten so extra that i no longer watch them either, im now one of those fans just waiting for sanders sides. but i do wish he would make simpler fun things either small sanders sides episodes or small vlogs. i miss his vlogs. but mostly because of nostalgia, those things made me company through the worst years of high school lol. anyway getting off topic.
i do think thomas is trying his best, i do not doubt that in the slightest. but even when you try your best if you don’t have a good strategy the results might not be the best. but i dont know what their strategy is so i can’t judge i guess.
more asks and replies under the cut
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yeah like. they pushed the limits of what they could do with what they had back since accepting anxiety. and then they got better equipment and staff and stuff and instead of saying “now we can do the same things in less time and with less effort” they went “now we can do even bigger things that push our limits just as much!”
which is their decision to make not mine but i assume that’s where some of that stress might be coming from.
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yes i agree with all of this. there’s some blogs that have posted criticism or defenses against criticism that i just find incredibly mean spirited or that make good points but phrase it in aggressive ways i don’t like.
i think whichever opinion you have it’s best to be open minded. acknowledge our own feelings and talk about them without attacking anyone. it’s okay to feel frustrated and angry and then we’re responsible about what we do with those emotions. and i think it’s cool to talk about them with other fanders that have felt the same. just stay open minded about what others have to say and then make up your mind about how much you agree or disagree.
and keep in mind that we know nothing about how thomas and co work. on both sides. like you cant claim their workflow is perfect nor claim it’s horrible because we just don’t know. but we can say we’re feeling disappointed or bored or annoyed or whatever because those are our own feelings.
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yeah again this is my blog and i post what i want. and im doing my job by tagging and warning them.
and also thomas is a grown man in his thirties who has been a social media personality for, what? maybe almost a decade? im sure he knows how to be responsible about it and not go digging to read criticism of his work to get hurt by it. or at least i hope so. if he doesn’t then that’s out of my hands as well. and the hundreds of people supporting him on the replies of all his tweets more than make up for a handful of blogs that make angry posts every once in a while.
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yes that’s understandable. but i still don’t know. if thomas has these personal problems that are so serious that they cause his content to come sooo slowly and still cause him to have this much stress then he should probably just take a huge actual break. and let us know about it. without necessarily telling us the reason of course.
if after Putting Others First or the last Asides he had said “hey im going on a hiatus for big projects like sanders sides and cartoon therapy while i figure stuff out, but i’ll film x kind of content because it requires less effort and i enjoy it” or even that the entire channel is going on hiatus, and then he came back like a year later and said “okay we’re back first thing we’re doing is writing the finale script!” or whatever then that would have been less frustrating than this. even if it had taken the same 3 years. because at least afterwards you know that he’s better and the wait would be worth it. at least that’s my opinion.
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