#also if whoever’s reading this is just gonna be a fucking asshole in my inbox again
Yo, whoever just....SENT you UNSOLICITED ctitism??? They're either a youngling that hasn't learned the rules or fanfiction or they're just an asshole. That ask was worded very politely but that was such an assholish thing to do??? "Sadly, I will stop reading your story" DUDE WHO CARES. YOU DEADASS COULD'VE JUST QUIETLY STEPPED OUT WHEN THE STORY STARTED TURNING IN A DIRECTION THAT MADE YOU UNCOMFY WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. There was literally NO NEED for them to come tell you all that and the only reason they did is because they're arrogant and think that only their opinion matters. They just...disregarded creative freedom completely. You handled it well but I just wanted to stop by and tell you that your characterization is actually very realistic and it is miles better than some other fics I've seen, which I will not name because I'm NOT AN ASSHOLE. Sorry to come ranting into your inbox but that ask got me fired up.
Another message: horrible anon that wrote the rude condescending& pathetic ask ab harry being weak for not being able to stomach tom MURDERING people i have no words. made me mad! book harry would NOT be okay with murder! & fuck them for saying those mean things ab u that arnt true. this is UR story. u can do WHATEVER u want with it. nobody has any right to demand things from u & u dont have to take any criticism if u dont want it. the entitlement of some people🤬. also i dont know why they assume you should care their going to “stop reading” like okay bye 😌 still gonna have like 200,000 hits
Another message from @likorys-shimenawa: I didn't want to be rude the anon, but... "You know something is wrong with your characterisation when more than one person gets hot and bothered about it" seriously broke me. They DO remember that people still think Snape was an incel out for hookup with Lily? When the only person to believe that was damn VOLDEMORT? Just cause many people say something doesn't make it true. Also - Harry's 'constant whimpering'? Did they miss how he spend months hung up on the Horcruxes, doing nothing, as well?
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I decided to group most of criticism-related asks together - I hope you don’t mind! Thank all of you for your support, it really means a lot to me. I’m not very bothered by negative comments/asks, but they sure aren’t pleasant to get.
The thing with stories is that everyone perceives them in a unique way. I saw the most ironic evidence of this with my Russian Snape-centered fic. I got two comments in sequence from two different people: one said my Snape is too nice; the second one said he is too evil. Everyone else felt he was canon-like. It was funny to see these comments posted right next to each other, and none of them was technically wrong: people have their view of the character, and it won’t always coincide with that of others.
It’s inevitable to lose readers along the way. The more relevant decisions characters make, the more defined the plot becomes, and some people start finding it not to their liking. That’s okay, but it’s important to remember that your experience is your own. Others might not share it.
That’s why I‘m not going to reply to asks similar to the one I got again. I already explained my view, there is nothing left for me to add. But to sum it up for the last time:
I think Harry’s ability to love can be a curse just as it can be a gift. I think he’s pretty strong, even though this love cripples him in many ways. He raised a better version of Tom on the global scale and a worse monster on the local one. He managed to control Tom’s destructiveness for years, and it broke his heart every time Tom did something similar to Voldemort. Beth was a shock because Harry’d believed he was succeeding in making Tom better just by loving him and explaining what’s right and what’s wrong. After that, he was constantly wary, yet the more Tom lived without hurting anyone, the more hopeful Harry became. Every setback shook him, but Tom never killed again - he learned how to stop, and Harry tried to focus on this. He had evidence of Tom being better, so his expectations worked accordingly. Learning about Charlus was a terrible blow because for one thing, Harry was already feeling terrible due to killing a person and watching his student die to protect him. For another, he realized that Tom killed a part of his family again. Of course he was stunned and horrified - this was his worst nightmare come true. And the ritual was the last drop in the overfilled bowl of his patience and hopes. Harry tried to watch out for others, he forgot to watch out for himself.
In my eyes, this is consistent with his behavior in canon + the changes he lived through in WHGTB. I’m happy that many readers share this view, and I’m sorry others don’t (though I get it), but I really don’t need to know that you want to stop reading. If the story no longer makes you feel happy or interested, just close it and look for another one. Fandom is supposed to be fun, and no writer can please everyone. Characterization is a complex thing - for the most part, it’s not universal. Things you disagree with will be something others agree with and vice versa. That’s fiction, and that’s why it’s such a fascinating concept.
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immj2 28+29.12.20 lbs
ok we just gonna skimmmmmmmmmmmmm through these eps real quick, coz i wanna get back to reading my Bridgerton books.
28.12.20
i ship this so much, it fuckin hurtsssssss. GIVE ME THE KILLING EVE-ESQUE SAPPHIC ROMANCE I WANT, TELLYWOOD, STOP BEING SUCH FUCKING COWARDSSSSSSSSSSSSS
aaaaaaand she’s disappeared.
................... coz angre got his hands on her. angre i swear to god if you don’t unhand her and go back to just simping for your wife...........
lmao she bit him and ran away.
................ straightttttttttt into vansh’s arms.
oh shit. i ship this too????? fuck, this show is just too chock-full with ridiculously good looking people and i need them all to kiss each other’s necks.
ok, maybe not. BAAT BAAT PE YEH MANHOOS CHAAKU KYUN NIKAAL LETA HAI?!!?!? HAVE YOU NOT HEARD THAT THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE POCKET-CHAKKU?!!?!?
anyway, ahaana’s got a brain and just started screaming her head offfff for riddhima. which is what a normal person (read, anyone NOT RIDDHIMA) would do.
hein who this curly haired girl????
anyway, ahaana like i gots a secrettttt to tellll you. ABOUT VANSHHHHHHHH.
kabir a messyass bitch like me and is like ooooooooooooh ab aayega mazzaaaa.
iss sab ke beech ishani like heyyyy, this is my dress!!!!!! SIS, NO ONE CARES, WE ABOUT TO GET SOME HELLA GOOD GOSSIP. JESUS. PRIORITIES!!!
ahaana like someone wants to killllllllllllllllllll meeeeeeeeeeeeeee, and riddhima is like huh what who why they wanna kill you???? and sis, i think you know from living in this murder-house that ppl don’t particularly need a reason as such to wanna kill you. they just like homicide as a hobby.
vansh like I SHALLLLLLLLLLL PROTECT YOUUUUUUUUUU, YOU SHALL LIVE HERE. sir, i’m pretty sure it’s YOU that she’s talking about that wants to kill her.
riddhima like uhhhhhhhhh??? the fuck is going on? why you promising security to this chick who wanted to phodofy your bhaanda????
SOMEONE TELL ME WHO THAT CURLY HAIR GIRL IS, HAVE I FORGOTTEN A WHOLEASS CHARACTER OF THIS SHOW COZ I DIDN’T WATCH FOR 2 DAYS???????
anyway riddhima like WHOOOOOOOO IS SHEEEEE, YOU KNOW EACH OTHER FROM BEFORE????????? like damn, your psycho murderous ex is living in this house thanks to you, and vansh can’t even know a woman that’s not you????/
ahaana going on and on about this stupid SECRET and omg just spit it out or gtfo. i have 8 books of regency era sexy shenanigans to read, and i’m wasting time here on this nonsense.
ok. she saved his life. and did “seva” it seems. lmao the mental image i have.
“vansh, apna vaada yaad hai na? ki tum mera karz chukaaoge; keemat ya shakl jo bhi ho.” oh???????? big promise from vansh, if true.
vansh beginning to regret making such lofty vows.
(also mmmmmmm, what else dat pouty mouth do, baby???)
dadi has taken over and is like you saved my vansh‘s lifeeeeeeee, i shall make sure vansh keeps his promise, blah blah. lord WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALLLLLLL THISSSSSS?!?!?
riddhima like, why did you call me if you wanted to get in touch with him? why not just call him directly????
shaaaaaady reactions from vansh/ahaana at that. lightttttt goes out.
comes back on, and angre like fuck all this, let’s celebrate the new yearrrrrrrr. not sus at all. y’all are alllllllllllllll so fucking shady man. god, ahaana, just bust my girl ridz outta here and go to alaska and eat spaghetti together. iykyk.
and they all just started ballroom dancing as if they’re in beauty and the beast. attention span of a fucking gnat these ppl have. ek baat pe dhyaan nahi tiktiiii.
i’m here for this also. i just want all the sexy ppl to be with each other. idc who is with whom. just put any two of them together and i’m happy.
these two throwing some chabayaa hua dhamkis at each other. I DON’T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE UNLESS YOU SPILLING SPECIFIC DEEEEEEEEEEETS.
iske dimaag ke ghode kentucky derby mein daudne lage hain.
and hubs fullllllllllllly knows. he wanted exactly that.
she tries to ask questions and as usual, he shuts her down with ainvayi ki philosophy. MAN WHAT WILL IT FUCKING TAKE FOR YOU TO ANSWER A QUESTION STRAIGHT?????
big talk about pyaaaar and vishwaaaas and bro, i fully know what you’re doing here, you fucking bastard. bloody gaslighting her into ignoring her own instincts in the name of trusting you. like yes, she’s like extraaaa with the jasoosi, but she’s asking RELEVANT, PERTINENT QUESTIONS.
meanwhile this rakshason ki toli has got their hands on the “yes okay i’m a spy!!!!!!!!!!!!!” recording that siya had. great. wonderful. best.
they decide to wait for right moment to use it and show vansh. oh you fucking dumbasses................... he already knows. this is the problem; no one bothers to fucking communicate in this family.
kabir trying to get the goss outta ahaana, but vansh ne mundi se ishaara kiya and angre just threw a drink on K, so he had to leave to go change.
i like her.
lol she called him a loser. never has a character been more right about all the men of this stupid show.
ahaana staring at vansh in a real strange way. oh bro, kya kaand kiya tha iske saath????? sach sach bolllllllllll.
these two seem have slid into each other’s inboxes already???? oh yeaaaaaaaaah.
ishani has come back with one V for Vendetta mask and is smirking some more about how riddhima is going down. *sigh* same old, same old.
more ainvayi ka dancing. man, what a waste of a filler episode.
at the dinner table, riddhima finds a chit saying your life is in danger, come meet me out in the backyard. ishani and aryan and chachi making real weird faces. did they send the note or did ahaana???? either way, this not gonna end well for riddhima. as per always.
it’s got to the point where EVEN riddhima is calling out the plotholes in the damn show out loud; saying ahaana said HER life was in danger, now how the fuck is this all about MY life being in danger???
anyway the dumbass goes to investigate.
she got shoved into a car by V for Vendetta (that’s what they should call the show.) which is now filling up with smoke. wonderful.
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29.12.20
she’s so fucking stupid. there’s no way the car doors can be locked from the outside in such a way that they cannot be opened from the inside. peeche ke doors pe child-lock hain bhi, toh she can just climb to the front and open the front doors and jump out. honestly riddhima.
ishani trying to distract vansh from going to look for riddhima with chocolate cake.
vansh is me. cake pakda diya toh duniya ki koi parwaah nahi. it just meeeeeeeeeee and my cake, made for each other, truuueeeeeee loveee.
ALSO LMAO WHY DOES THIS DUDE EAT CAKE LIKE THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
riddhima still choking and struggling like a dumbass.
cake done, vansh off to look for his wife. gotta say, he’s got his priorities straight.
ishani making shady faces with Guy Fawkes mask. godddddd. who cares who cares who caresssss?
after 19023019283092130912390 moments of suspense, he finally found her and broke her outta the car.
some loving scolding for wandering off without telling him. dude’s she’s a grownass woman, not a toddler/pet.
anyway she told him someone shoved her in the car and he’s clenching his jaw most magnificently mmmmmmm that jawwww.
ab yeh kaunsi nayi musibat hai???
he’s promising to find and punish whoever and she’s thinking omg it kabir?!?!?!!!!!!!! as if noooooone else in the house wants to murder her.
she’s like you saved me again!!!!!!!! and he’s literally like stop playing khatron ke khiladi up in here every day and i won’t have to, bitch.
ishani literalllllly flaunting that mask on her arm and riddhima like OUFF YEH KHOOONI NANAD BAAZ NAHI AATI.
side mein dekha toh kabir also has one like that.
lmao everyyyyyyone has one of these masks.
R like i need to gtfo here from the presence of all these assholes, k byeeeeee.
she’s confronting ahaana ki why you call me outside and not show up yourself????
ahaana like, bitch tf you talking about? i didn’t call you or send any chit??!?!! get used to it ahaana, iss ghar mein rahogi toh yeh hourly occurance hai, aisa random chutiyaapa. tumhein toh aadat hogi hi, pichle janam mein oberois ke saath jo rahi ho.
riddhima bringing up vansh and ahaana like YOUR MAN SHADYYYYY AF. YOU SHOULDN’T TRUST HIM SO MUCH. iss ek line se hi i have gotten it ki ahaana has been planted by vansh and he’s trying to see if riddhima falls for anyone else’s hearsay again.
riddhima is giving speech about how much she trusts vansh and they’re each others’ parchhaai or some such shit, and lmaoooooooooooooo ahaana’s face......
same, sis. absolutely saaaame.
ahaana like “zindagi mein har bimaari ki dawaai hai, par galatfehmi ki nahi.” snortttttttt.
ahaana going heavy on “vansh don’t love you, he wants to killll your ass” speech and ouff....... ofc riddhima won’t listen. dumbass.
there is not ONE wrong thing ahaana is saying about vansh. not ONE. literally all of it is true. i mean, maybe he does “love” her or whatever, but kya hi karein aise bekaar roz roz life ruin karne waale pyaar ka? isse achcha toh naa hi kare pyaar.
aaaaaaaaand she got slapped for truth-telling. fuck. riddhima, you are such a fucking dumbass. where all this slappiness for your damn husband who was lying to your face for monthssssss, huh????
ugh mera pati mera ishq bhashaan. this chick deserves to be murdered. blindass.................. she’s doing the exact same shit she did with kabir, total blindddddd faith without listening to any reason. she deserves to be fucked over if she refused to learn anything from that kaand and won’t use her fucking brain even now.
honestly this sanctimonious speech she’s giving ahaana........
but for once she’s using her MAALKIN OF THE HOUSE rutba and telling to ahaana to gtfo the house.
lmao ahaana like tell vansh to throw me out, and i’ll go.
cut to......... riddhima is randomly staring at a ladder. as one does.
helllllllllllllllllllllllo. 😏😏😏
riddhima trying to tell vansh ki ahaana is off her rocker and....
well okay then! no more talking about ahaana! 🥰🥰🥰
great. all that was buttering up for the trust test he has set up for her.
climb the ladder, it seems. oh boy. i know what’s coming............
lmaooooo she climbs it and is like ok now you know that i trust you??? can i come back down now??? LOL DUMBASS HOW DID YOU NOT GUESS WHAT HE WANTED FROM THE MOMENT HE TOLD YOU TO CLIMB???????? dimaag ghutno mein hai iss ladki ki.
he’s telling her to jump. ofc. fucking asshole. tereko shauk hai random high places se chhalaang maarne ko toh you’ll make everyone do it or what?
HE’S ACTUALLY GETTING MAD AT HER HESITATION AND ALL I’LL CATCH YOU, DO YOU NOT TRUST ME?????? main hoti toh kehti ki bro, it’s not you that i don’t trust, i just know gravity as a force is more powerful than you are.
stupid stupiddddd bitch. she’s doing it also. DUDE, THIS IS A CLASSIC ABUSIVE TECHNIQUE, WHY DON’T YOU KNOW ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG RIDDHIMAAAAA?!!?!?!? LIKE........................ THIS IS WHY PEOPLE SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO GET MARRIED BEFORE THE AGE OF 30. THEIR BRAINS ARE JUST NOT GROWN ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how self satisfied she looks. fucking dumbass.
while his face is like ‘i can’t believe the twit actually did it.’
some more talk about how she trusts him mosttttttttttttttttttttttttt in the world, while he gets horny for it. god, what a pair of boring dysfunctional fucks. i liked it better when he was vihaan and had a bondage kink.
bharosa talk bharosa talk and oh my god it’s sooooooo fucking obvious he’s planted ahaana to test her and her trust. aaj yeh toh bas level 1 tha. the chutiyaapa just gonna go up from here.
she’s like i don’t like ahaana, why does she have to stay here? he’s turning it back on her and saying if we trust each other, what does it matter if she stays here or says whatever????? which ....... is just some reallyyyyyyyyyyyyy manipulative BS.
he’s saying she has some “issues” that he’ll handle. oh lord. ahaana in danger of getting murdered by this fucker too.
riddhima giving some more vaasta of her neverending trust.........
while this asshole makes these very TRUSTWORTHY faces.
aaaaaaaaaaaaand someone watches them. as per usual. no wonder vansh made sure to go far far far far away from this house to get some nookie. idhar karte toh it would be like those olden days royal weddings, where the whole court would come and sit and watch the marriage being consummated.
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A Certainty of the Universe
Summary: Eddie and Richie had been flitting around their sexual tension for years, but now that they're rooming together they're finding it increasingly harder to ignore it. One accidental sext ends up being the inopportune ice-breaker they needed all along.
Pairing: Reddie
Rating: E
Warnings: Smut, explicit language
Read on AO3
Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier had been college roommates for five months and counting. Their first year at college, Eddie lived with a randomly selected student named Stanley Uris; a tall Jewish boy with cleaning habits that were happily on par with Eddie’s standards. They were a good fit, and soon became good friends as well. They would probably still be rooming together if it weren’t for Richie’s roommate, Bill Denbrough. Richie had been lucky enough to get paired up with one of their oldest friends, but after Eddie introduced his roommate to the pair, any hope of living with Stan for an extra year went out the window. Stan and Bill began dating and got serious pretty quickly. So when second year came around, they decided to live together, leaving Richie and Eddie to either fend for themselves in the roommate system or move in together.
They, of course, chose the later. Despite having glaringly different personalities and hygiene habits, they were best friends, and figured that could carry them through any bumps they might have while living together. One bump that neither of them anticipated, however, was years of sexual tension coming to a head. It became increasingly harder for Eddie to ignore when Richie pranced around their room in low slung sweat pants, the clear outline of something tantalizingly off-limits staring Eddie down. Likewise, Richie had to suffer watching Eddie’s toned thighs squeezed into shorts so short it should be illegal, forcing himself to shut his eyes anytime Eddie bent over, for fear of combusting on the spot.
This unspoken tension led them both to seek release elsewhere. Richie began going to parties more frequently, often sleeping over at whoever’s house he’d slept with that night. Eddie preferred a more controlled approach, downloading Grindr and spending most nights teasing whatever poor sap popped into his inbox.
Eddie had met a few interesting guys on the app, going as far as to meet two of them in person, but nothing much came of the encounters. He stayed in touch with one of them, a tall slender boy named Ricky. The two of them would call on each other when they got too pent up.
Tonight was one of those nights. It was nearly the end of the semester and Eddie had just finished writing a paper and sending it off to his professor. He felt the familiar restless stir of exhaustion clouding his judgement just slightly, just enough to make the idea of putting on whatever movie he could find and cuddling up to Richie sound like a good one.
He glanced over at his clock, which indicated that Richie wouldn’t be home from his class for an hour. Eddie groaned, irritated that he wouldn’t be able to torment his love-struck brain for another 60 minutes. So, to kill the time, Eddie did what any horny young adult would do.
He began palming himself through the stiff jeans he’d been wearing all day, quickly shucking them to the ground and ridding himself of his pink polo as well. Once more comfortable, he was able to get a better grip on his length through the thin fabric of his boxer briefs, starting with teasingly slow movements that set his nerve endings on fire.
Once he’d stroked himself to full hardness, he got an idea. Reaching for his phone, he opened a conversation with Ricky and started typing out a message.
Thinking of you. Pretending your huge hands are wrapped around me, your warm mouth taking me apart.
He opened the camera and snapped a quick picture of his erection straining against his briefs, a noticeable wet spot front and center where his head was leaking pre-cum against the fabric.
After attaching the picture, he sent the message, setting his phone aside so he could pull his briefs off and finally get a hand on his aching cock.
It took less than a minute for him to receive a reply.
fuck fuck fuck holy fuck
Eddie should have noticed that Ricky wasn’t typing the way he usually did. He also should have noticed that the contact name said “Richie”, and not Ricky”… But he was too fatigued, his tired inhibitions lowered just enough to make the conscious mistake and ignore it.
Stroking himself with one hand, he fumbled to type with his other.
That all you have to say? He taunted, following up with another two messages. You don’t want to tell me what to do with myself? He sent, followed by another picture, this one much less restricted.
jesus fucking christ eddie don’t stop touching that gorgeous cock of yours. show me a little more. have you stretched yourself out? The reply read.
Eddie flushed as his arousal took over. Keeping one hand glued to his phone, the hand stroking him ventured lower to his puckered hole. He fingered himself regularly, so pushing one digit in to the knuckle right away was easy. He worked himself for a while before finally being able to push in a second finger. After that he wasted no time in angling his camera to snap a picture of his filled asshole, sending it off as requested.
The reply came immediately, as if Ricky had been watching his phone intently. oh baby, that’s cute but you’re gonna need to add a couple more fingers to take me.
Eddie remembered Ricky being about average size, so he chuckled to himself at the boy’s cockiness but chalked it up to dirty talk. And besides, it was working. Eddie’s cock twitched at the idea of being filled with something so big he’d need four fingers just to get himself ready. He decided to play along.
Why don’t you come over here and stretch me out yourself?
The reply took longer this time. In the meanwhile, Eddie grabbed the lube from his dresser, retracting his hand to coat his fingers generously before lining himself back up and plunging those same two fingers deep into himself. He fucked down onto his hand, picturing himself bouncing on Ricky’s cock. Lacing his fingers into that long black hair, staring into those deep blue eyes that reminded him so much of-
His phone buzzed with an incoming message, and Eddie nearly knocked it off the bed as he scrambled to grab it.
fuck i’ll be there in 5 i’m leaving class early
Eddie stared down at his phone with confusion. Ricky didn’t go to the same college as Eddie, how was he going to get to him so fast? He was at least a fifteen-minute drive away. He shrugged it off, not really caring how long it took him to get there as long as it meant Eddie was getting laid.
With the promise of sex in his near future, Eddie slowed his mannerisms, opting for measured, languid strokes on his cock and teasing twists of his fingers. He’d brush his prostate every so often, hissing at the contact, but forcing himself to ease off.
Suddenly he heard a key in his door. He frantically began grasping for his sheets in a desperate attempt to at least cover himself up before Richie came barging in.
“Holy fuck, spaghetti man! Were you trying to give me a heart attack in class?” Richie barreled through the door, tripping as he struggled to get his jacket and his shoulder bag off at the same time. He was completely out of breath, his curls falling into his eyes but also sticking up in dishevelment as if he had been touching it too much.
Eddie stared at him bewildered, clutching his sheets to his body in a vice grip as his brain swam to try and piece things together.
“I mean, listen I’m all about public sex, but public boners are another thing.” Richie continued as his breath evened out. He hopped side to side while trying to get his shoes off and nearly fell over himself in the process.
“Ask me to bend you over a desk in the middle of class, I’m there for ya babe. But jacking one out by myself under a desk? Definitely not as sexy.”
Richie had gotten himself down to his boxers in an impressive amount of time, the grin never leaving his face even as he rambled through his nerves.
Finally, the pieces fell into place. Eddie glanced at his phone, still face up and open to his conversation with, yep there it was, Richie.
At Eddie’s obvious hesitation, Richie’s face became somber.
“Do you not want to do this anymore? Fuck - did I - was it something- god one sec, I can just put my pants back on and-” Richie’s voice had gone back to frantic, but what had been excitement had now shifted to guilt. Eddie found his chest clenching at the idea that Richie might think Eddie didn’t want to sleep with him, because, god that was absolutely not the case. It may not have been the plan from the start, but seeing Richie in his underwear, thinking back to the texts that he now knew were sent by Richie, it had him speaking before he could think twice.
“No! No, I- I want to. I just needed a minute.”
Richie turned back around from where he’d been leaning down to gather his clothes, his shoulders visibly loosened but he stayed in place, wanting to give Eddie his space.
After a few deep breaths, Eddie was able to fully grasp the situation unfolding before him. And instead of the intense panic he thought he’d be feeling, he felt overwhelming exhilaration at the prospect of what was about to happen. With one last shaky breath, he spoke.
“So, you wanna put that trash mouth to good use or what?”
Richie shot over to him in an instant, hovering over him so nothing but the thin sheet and Richie’s boxers separated them. Eddie could feel the heat from Richie’s body, feel the tickle of his breath against his skin, but nothing compared to the look in Richie’s eyes as he gazed down at him. Eddie could feel it in his bones.
Richie seemed to be feeling the same excited thrum, glancing from Eddie’s deep eyes to his plush lips and back again. It was clear he wasn’t sure how to approach this, I mean, is there an algorithm for kissing your best friend for the first time?
Eddie took pity on Richie’s obvious hesitation, reaching his hands out and fisting them in Richie’s hair to pull him forward. Their lips slotted together eagerly, and any lingering reservations melted away.
Their mouths opened to one another welcomingly, encouraging a deepening of the kiss with tongues and teeth.
Richie settled his hands on Eddie’s chest, just above the edge of the sheet that Eddie had used to cover himself. His fingers grazed at hardened nipples and Eddie keened in response.
“You like that?” Richie inquired between kisses, repeating his movements on both of Eddie’s pink buds.
“Hnnnng- yes, fuck.” Eddie moaned, grabbing Richie’s lower lip between his teeth and nibbling.
Their actions were playful, a lead up to the main event, but they indulged in the feeling of one another for as long as they could. They explored new expanses of body, got to know one another in the most intimate of ways, until Eddie could describe exactly how Richie tasted and Richie could recreate the sounds of Eddie’s moans perfectly.
Wriggling bodies had led to Eddie’s sheet moving downwards, inch by inch, letting their warm bodies connected in new places over and over. It was when it finally lowered that last inch, and Richie felt warm wetness smear on his stomach, that he finally let out his first groan.
It was guttural, filling the room with desire. He peered down the length of their torsos, seeing just the tip of Eddie’s pink cock peeking out at him. Pre-cum was smeared across the head, and it stretched across to Richie's own stomach in a thin line.
Richie threw his head back, an intentional whine leaving his lips to convey just what Eddie was doing to him.
“Good god Kaspbrak, I’m about three seconds away from cumming in my pants like a middle schooler.”
Eddie’s face flushed, the idea of Richie cumming in his pants not all that unenticing. But he also wanted to get fucked, get to see and feel that infamous cock Richie always boasted about.
As if reading Eddie’s mind, Richie began switching their positions.
“I’ve got an idea.”
Eddie went along with it, leaving himself pliant so Richie could adjust him however he’d like.
They ended up sprawled across the bed, Richie on his back, pulling Eddie up over his chest with his legs spread on either side of his head. Eddie was facing away from him, having to crane his neck to look over his shoulder just to watch the way Richie took him in. With slow, steady hands, Richie parted Eddie’s cheeks, a groan leaving his throat as he let his head drop back against his pillow.
“Do you know how many times I’ve pictured this?” Richie punctuated his thought by kneading Eddie’s cheeks. “Every time you wear those tight little red shorts, it’s like you’re on full display for me but I can’t touch you. I’d lay awake at night, fantasizing about what you’d taste like, how you’d feel clenching around my tongue, writhing above my body.”
Eddie’s body responded to the words like a command, beginning to writhe in his spot on its own accord.
“Mmm Richie…” Eddie’s hands tried to find purchase, desperate to center himself before Richie’s words alone took him away. He settled for leaning forward slightly and bracing himself against Richie’s chest, strong and stable and grounding. That feeling was fleeting as Richie began placing open mouthed kisses across Eddie’s thighs, cheeks, and then settling over his heat. The first flick of his tongue sent Eddie soaring, unimaginable warmth spreading through his body.
Eddie ground down involuntarily, chasing the fire that was igniting his bones. He received enthusiastic licks in return, and the feeling of Richie humming in delirium beneath him.
“You taste just as sweet as I imagined.” Richie purred.
Eddie decided he also wanted to taste Richie. In fact, he wanted so much more than that; he wanted to absolutely devour him, strip him of everything he was until all Eddie could taste, see, hear, feel was RichieRichieRichie.
He knew Richie had meant for this to be a cool down period, so he could catch his bearings before fucking Eddie as mind-numbingly as he’d promised. But Eddie was so close, just a thin layer of fabric separating him from what he wanted.
Eddie reached forward and palmed at the bulge straining for freedom. He felt bad for it, all it wanted to do was play, and Eddie was so willing to indulge it.
“Eddie…” Richie warned from behind him.
Eddie didn’t listen. He slipped Richie’s cock out of hole of his boxers, ignoring the barrage of cautions from Richie.
Eddie regarded Richie’s cock, veins straining against flushed skin, head beading with pre-cum, bobbing against his stomach every time Eddie did something that particularly wound him up. It was right there, a mere three feet away. All Eddie had to do was lower his head, reach out and lick a hot stripe against it…
“Oh fuuuuuck-” Richie growl rang through the room as Eddie enveloped him in his warm mouth. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Eds.”
Richie had stilled his movements in favor of recalling every swear word he’d ever learned, but Eddie didn’t mind. The interruption gave him time to focus, swirling his tongue around the head of Richie’s cock tantalizingly. Emboldened by Richie’s vocal praise, Eddie sunk down as far as he could, letting his chin rest against Richie’s abdomen for a moment before pulling back up and then repeating the action. After a while of deep-throating him, Eddie felt Richie’s tongue prodding back at his hole. His moan was muffled by the intrusion in his throat, but it only aided the vigor with which Richie began attacking him.
What had been languid licks before had now turned into determined laps, as if Richie was searching for treasure and it was buried inside Eddie. Richie introduced a finger easily, slipping into the last knuckle and crooking it upwards as he licked around his digit. Eddie’s knees buckled as Richie found the treasure he was looking for and began stroking it mercilessly.
“Richieeee!” Eddie wailed as he pulled away from his cock, a line of spit connecting the two.
He heard a dark chuckle escape Richie, but otherwise there was no indication he’d even heard Eddie’s cry. He continued to rub at the spot that made Eddie see stars, only stopping momentarily to add another finger. Richie’s fingers were bigger than Eddie’s, longer too. They were able to reach places inside him that Eddie simply couldn’t. Two of Richie’s fingers easily felt like three of Eddie’s, stretching him open with a delicious burn only soothed by Richie’s tongue.
He felt himself quickly approaching the point of release and tried to pull away. “Stop, ‘Chee, I-I’m gonna, an’ I don’t wan’to yet- Richie p-please.” Eddie slurred, trying to get the message across through the frenzy of his mind.
Thankfully Richie stopped a moment later, keeping his lips moving down Eddie’s thighs while stilling his fingers completely.
“Not so fun when you’re on the receiving end, huh?” Richie teased.
Eddie was panting heavily enough to warrant a soothing hand down his back. Memories of Richie using that same tactic to soothe Eddie during Freshman year when he’d have panic attacks flooded his mind. Even back then Eddie wanted him so badly, but he was so quick to push away his desires before even acknowledging them.
“Richie, I want you.” Eddie said, voicing his thoughts. “I need you.” He was scrambling around now, trying to face Richie as his heart led his limbs. “I need you, I need you, I need you.” Eddie’s voice was insistent, it held desperation and lust, but they both heard the longing in there too.
“Hey, hey.” Richie grabbed Eddie’s face, stopping his near frantic movements. “You have me.”
Their eyes bore into each other, mapping years of untold confessions.
“Then prove it.” Eddie begged.
It took a beat for Richie to nod, but then he was peppering kisses all over Eddie’s chest, flipping them over so Eddie was the one with his back flush against the mattress. Eddie wasted no time before running his fingers through Richie’s mop of hair, combing it back from his face so he could watch as he gazed up at him with fire burning in his eyes. When Richie reached Eddie’s hips, he began leaving love bites in his trail, moving lower until he had Eddie’s legs thrown over his shoulders and two fingers deep inside him, repeating their ministrations from before. He took Eddie’s cock into his mouth as he pushed a third finger in, trying to distract Eddie from the mild stretch. He worked Eddie open while exploring his cock with his mouth, finding out that Eddie would jump a little every time he flicked his tongue against his frenulum.
When Richie finally deemed Eddie stretched enough to take him, his actions slowed down. He climbed up Eddie’s body with intent, stopping only to push his boxers down his legs and kick them off the bed. Fixing his eyes on Eddie’s, he lined himself up with Eddie’s heat, the head of his cock receiving kisses from Eddie’s hole trying to clench around nothing. Suddenly the fever they’d been working through had dropped and Richie found himself flooded with nerves.
What if he wasn’t good enough? What if he couldn’t please Eddie? What if it all went to shit, and he not only lost any chance he had with Eddie, but their friendship too? Years of emotions came crashing into his chest like a sinking ship against the storm’s eye, his mind spiraling.
The feeling of Eddie’s hand on his brought him back to the moment. He realized with a frown that his hands were shaking. Eddie was gazing at him with an unreadable expression.
“Sorry partner,” Richie tried to joke, taking on an awful rendition of a southern accent. “Got distracted by this here beautiful behind!” He tried to smack Eddie’s ass but Eddie’s hold on his hand held him back.
Eddie sighed as he propped himself up on his elbows. “What’s wrong, Richie?” He asked in a voice that’s intimacy sent another pang straight to Richie’s heart.
“Whaddayamean?” Richie shot back with a shrug and a grin that didn’t meet his eyes.
They held each other’s gaze for a few challenging moments before Richie let his posture fall, along with his façade.
“I’m scared I won’t be enough for you.” He whispered, heart clenching around his vulnerability. They both knew Richie wasn’t just referring to this moment, the promise of more an underlying theme in everything they’d been doing.
Eddie lifted his hand to Richie’s cheek, cradling his world in his palm. His smile was warm and gentle, nonthreatening in its existence, an immediate cure to Richie’s hammering heartbeat.
“You’ll always be enough...” Eddie murmured, matching Richie’s quiet tone. “Always have been enough.” He added calculatingly, watching Richie’s face for signs that he’d said too much, gone too deep, despite them both knowing how true the sentiment was. Eddie Kaspbrak was in love with Richie Tozier, and Richie Tozier was in love with Eddie Kaspbrak. It was a certainty the universe had known for years.
Eddie thought he saw a glisten in Richie’s eyes, but it was blinked away swiftly. Richie leaned in, capturing Eddie’s lips in a tender lock.
“Thanks Eds.” Richie whispered against his mouth before pushing forward just slightly, letting the head of his cock breach Eddie’s opening.
Eddie’s responding moan was unexpected, surprising them both. Eddie couldn’t remember the last time, or any time, that he’d felt like this. He could feel Richie pulsing inside him, warmth just beginning to fill his channel, and already it was overwhelmingly comforting.
Sex had been a lot of things for Eddie; pleasure, relief, a means to pass the time. Never had it been soothing, like a breath of fresh air, like a warm hug from your best friend.
Eddie instinctively wrapped himself around Richie, ankles locking behind his back and arms behind his neck. He couldn’t let Richie pull out, couldn’t let him leave Eddie feeling empty again now that he knew what it meant to feel whole.
“More.” Eddie begged, trying to pull Richie closer with all his limbs.
“Okay, okay I’ve got you, don’t worry.” Richie tried soothingly, noticing the change in Eddie’s composure. Richie let himself be led by the pull, sinking deeper into Eddie until he was seated fully inside.
A sudden puff of air against the crown of his head signaled that Eddie had been holding his breath.
“Hey,” Richie pulled back slightly, cupping Eddie’s cheek so he could keep his gaze fixed. “I need you to breath for me.”
Eddie nodded compliantly, taking in a few steady breaths and relaxing around Richie. His arms and legs still clung to him like a koala, but the grip was loosening, becoming less frantic.
“I’m gonna start moving now, okay?”
Eddie nodded, adjusting himself on the bed so Richie had a better angle to pull back from.
And just like that, a languid rhythm was set.
Every drag of Richie’s cock made Eddie’s heart race, his belly filling with lava that threatened to overflow.
Richie was bigger than anyone Eddie had ever been with, and he hated to admit that he knew he’d feel an ache in his muscles tomorrow, even with Richie’s attempted softness.
So, if he was going to feel it regardless…
“Come on Richie, that all you got?” Eddie prodded, swiveling his hips for emphasis.
Richie’s eyes flashed with determination, always one to be easily provoked with a challenge.
“You want more?” Richie’s voice was lower suddenly, the kind of low that gritted through his throat and right into the twitch of Eddie’s cock.
Richie grabbed Eddie’s legs, unhooking them from around his waist and pinning them next to Eddie’s head in an instant. The result had Eddie folded in half, his lower back no longer touching the mattress. He thanked whatever god blessed him with such flexibility because if it was any other person in his position, he thinks they might’ve snapped.
The new position gave Richie full control over Eddie, holding him in place and pulling out slowly, watching as his cock stretched the skin of Eddie’s tight hole before thrusting back in roughly.
Eddie screamed as Richie hit his prostate dead on.
“This what you want?” Richie asked, repeating the slow pull and hard thrust.
“Faster.” Eddie begged, letting his eyes shut as tears collected in the corners.
Richie obliged, but only marginally, the pace still not fast enough.
“Richie, faster.” Eddie insisted.
Once again, Richie picked up his pace just slightly, leaving Eddie scrambling for more.
“Richie, please, I need-” Eddie couldn’t finish his sentence, the wind knocked out of him as Richie began ramming into him in earnest.
“Hmm, this what you want baby? You want to be fucked?”
Eddie felt his eyes rolling to the back of his head, the tears spilling freely now that Richie was hitting his prostate with every thrust. The moans were being knocked out of him consistently now, getting increasingly louder as Eddie approached the edge.
Richie had already been ready to combust the moment he’d felt Eddie’s cock against his skin, had been even closer when Eddie had introduced the warmth of his mouth, and now he was tight rope walking above his release, one wrong move and he’d be cutting things short.
But his resolve to make this good for Eddie kept him going, kept his muscles clenched and his mind focused. However even the most determined individuals have their breaking point, so when Eddie began whimpering that he was close, Richie almost cried in relief.
He was quick to grasp Eddie’s cock, pumping it in succession with his thrusts. The combination of stimulation left Eddie no time before he was cumming in streaks across both their chests, his mouth forming a little O as all noise was knocked from his lungs.
Richie came along with him, spilling into Eddie in quick bursts that left his legs trembling.
Their bodies deflated along with their cocks, softening into one another as their breaths evened out. Richie pulled out eventually, watching a trail of cum follow him out of Eddie’s body.
Richie was tempted to lick him clean, but if he was honest, he was far too spent to be instigating any more activity. So instead he opted to grab a tissue and wipe them up as best he could, deciding they would shower off the rest later.
Eddie watched him with smile crinkled eyes as he crawled back into bed, turning to face Eddie with a matching smile of his own.
“So uh, any time you wanna sext me again, you know, feel free to.” Richie joked through a dry throat, his words cracking slightly.
Eddie snuggled in closer, resting his head on Richie’s bicep and letting his eyes close from fatigue.
“Mmm.” He hummed sleepily.
“Unless, you know, you’ve got other options.” Richie added, the joke falling flat as the insecurity eased into his voice.
“No one else comes to mind.” Eddie promised sincerely.
And it was true, now that he had what he’d always wanted, no one else would ever compare.
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Time to read hs^2′s third non-bonus update! I have not had a single portion of an image spoiled this time, and have no damn idea what it’s about. Not even any asks in my inbox. Will we have more of Ghostflusters, maybe a reason Jane didn’t know he was gone even when he supposedly received divorce papers? A cut back to the good guys in pursuit of Dirk and crew? Will Jade be a black-eyed zombie, or finally fucking awake like she deserves to be???
Let’s find out!
Oh god damn everything, please no. ==>
...Oh!
Oh that’s MUCH better than it could’ve been! We’re still in Candyverse, but cutting over to the Vriskas’ perspectives. So that on the right would be the “mostly identical” Vriska who Rose and Kanaya raised, and the aforementioned logistics are just dealing with a dead clown body (that hopefully isn’t being refrigerated in the unseen spot Dirk was hiding from Terezi on their ship).
Kid Vriska looks pretty cool! A fair bit Aranea-y, with that collar feeling like a nice hint of the Pagey version of her who originally earned the (Vriska) title.
(Vriska) pockets John’s phone before she can worry too much about waiting for a reply from Terezi.
Right, stolen phone... an anon in my inbox pointed out that Vriska “has a direct line out to Terezi” because of it, but I didn’t take it that seriously because I thought it wouldn’t come into play at all later. Guess I was wrong, with the narrative taking the trouble to point it out-- especially considering that whatever she said, she EXPECTS a possible reply.
Other than some fun banter, I can’t figure out where this particular upd8 is going.
> (==>)
Oh that is a smug, self-satisfied Vriska look if I ever saw one. (Vriska) over here is still dust under her heels, isn’t she?
VRISKA: If you want to keep Hanging Out, I mean. Which I assume you Do.
Holy shit, she’s throwing a bit of Kanaya Caps in her language. That’s SUPER adorable. That was probably in Candy too and I just forgot about it.
VRISKA: So, Nickname me, 8itch. And make it Cute.
Huh! You don’t stake too much on your name, then?
> (==>)
Vrissy! That’s surprisingly genial of you, it’s pretty damn good.
VRISSY: So now that we have that locked down, what’s First on the list of Awesome Shit we’re gonna do Together?
Oh no. No, no Vrissy, you’re gonna be disappointed. :(
VRISSY: I told you already, I don’t ever get up to Anything nearly as Interesting as you did.
VRISKA: Till now ;;;;)
VRISSY: Heh. Yeah.
...yeah, FUCK. Vrissy is gonna get used and thrown away so fucking hard. The slightest ounce of hero worship thrown Vriska’s way is an ounce that’s gonna get exploited to hell and back.
I suppose from here we’re going into the rebellion, aren’t we? I hope badass eyepatch Karkat doesn’t look too silly in this art style.
> (==>)
God, this art style is so CLEAN and makes her look so ADORABLE.
--ah, okay. We’re gonna see how the dynamic between Vrissy and human Kid-Tavros works. Hope this won’t be too painful. Besides, like... the kind of hilarious starting-pain that she’s asking HIM to help take care of a dead body.
VRISSY: That was Tavros. He’s on his way.
Oh man, Vriska didn’t know. :D
> (==>)
Huh! That’s a more thoughtful expression than I was expecting.
VRISKA: Unless he’ll rat us out to his mom????????
VRISSY: Nah. He’ll get too much of a Kick out of seeing this dead Piece of Shit, don’t Worry.
Oh man. Tavros’ll probably just be sad or freaked out a bit, but what I wouldn’t give for our first look at him to be him dancing on this clown’s grave.
> (==>)
Vrissy hates that ostentatious prick-mobile, mostly because it is not her ostentatious prick-mobile.
Heheheh.
Hm? “Actual spy shit”, other than hiding a body? Did you have some bigger anti-Crocker stuff in mind, Vrissy?
> (==>)
Oh Jiminy Christmas!!! You’re the spitting image of your parents! And, like... perfectly visually suited to induce Vriska-macking, unwanted or otherwise.
> (==>)
TAVROS: These are normal things you expect to happen, when you are picking up your kismesis and her,,,, ah,,, new friends,
Oh right, that’s the relationship. More that I forgot from Candy.
VRISSY: Who is VERY Cool and Sexy with her Eyepatch--
--remind me again why Vriska has an eyepatch? Something in the Lord English fight, a stray shard of universe fabric inflicting more random meaningful damage? *Looks it up.* Oh huh, so THAT was the vague damage to her head she played off-- the shard literally got her eye and she refused to admit it to herself or the narrative. I was wondering about that weird damage back when I read it, but never inferred the answer. And did she put the eyepatch on when she landed in Candy? *Looks that up* Wait, no, it couldn’t have hit her eye. From Candy:
Vriska’s face snaps up, eyes blazing. Eyes. Actual eyes, with expression, color, pupils, and everything.
[...] There’s a bleeding gash on her head and something lodged in her chest.
Okay, fuck. Then whence the fucking eyepatch? *Keeps skimming Candy...*
(VRISKA): The 8attle was hitting its clim8x when I got hit in the head with... with...
(Vriska) paws at her head wound, fingers numb and vision blurry.
(VRISKA): Wh8tever the fuck it was that hit me in the head!
Hmm?
JOHN: do you wanna see a doctor for that or something?
(VRISKA): No!!!!!!!!
(VRISKA): I w8nt to know what the fuck is GOING ON!!!!!!!!
Hmmmm..... *Keeeeps reading...*
Dammit, that’s all there is. So this is an inference either Andrew intended or the other authors/artists did from the tail end of all that -- Vriska either took head damage that deprived her of sight in that eye, made it more light-sensitive/blurry, OR that eyepatch is essentially a makeshift bandage over the bleeding parts. (Which might remain medically necessary, or she might just keep wearing for style points.) Hmm.
I’m mostly just relieved that whoever’s helping write HS^2 didn’t fuck up. Okay, that’s enough Candy-digging, back to the story now:
After a few beats, he propels himself off the car like a swimmer at the sound of a gun, his body plunging in a graceful arc toward his goal.
Huh? I mean, good execution, very Jake, but... huh? Is someone gonna get clobbered? Vrissy? The corpse?
> (==>)
Ooh, the corpse! Yes!!! Kick that corpse.
Why did the head honk? Hopefully this stays a corpse. (I’m surprised his strikes are as weak as the narrative’s saying; even if he’s really Tavros-natured, he’s still the son of two of the strongest, fisticuff-iest players. Kind of a rebellion against his parents both, then?)
> (==>)
--unrelated, I just saw the Bonus blinking with Catnapped Part 2. Guess I won’t be finished once I’ve covered this, just yet.
VRISKA: I am in no place to 8egrudge a man his cathartic ass-kicking moment, but that was a loud fucking scream.
VRISSY: No kidding. My ears are STILL ringing from your 8ig attempt at breaking the sound 8arrier.
Y’all are ones to talk, I just reread the part of Candy where you two found Vriska fucking Gamzee.
> (==>)
> (==>)
Please don’t move, clown. Stay the fuck dead, please?
> (==>)
Calm down, Tav, you’ve got this.
> (==>)
Nice suspenders.
> (==>)
aaaaAAAAAAAAAAA WHO IS THIS AGAIN IS THIS HARRY OR SOMETHING IS THIS JOHN AND ROXY’S ASSHOLE KID
--sorry I got overexcited because I clicked next and saw that hair spiral aaaa.
...I hope it isn’t a DIFFERENT kid of theirs that I somehow forgot exists or such. That’d be embarrassing. This guy/girl/person looks infuriatingly suave, also.
> (==>)
YOU’RE SO CUTE IN A WAY THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.
--Yep, dialogue confirms it’s Harry Anderson.
Heh, he’s pulling an Early Acts John and not believing a word of it, but playing along.
There is no possible way that this stuff Vrissy is saying isn’t horeseshit, but he is not about to crack.
--just wanna point out the probably-typo before they fix it.
Ah, bringing it there. Good luck, Harry.
> (==>)
Oh, that was fast.
> (==>)
...That’s what you get for relying on Harry.
> (==>)
VRISKA: We can just dump it in the inciner8or. That’s pro8a8ly what his plan was to 8egin with.
VRISSY: The what????????
VRISKA: The inciner8or. Like, for 8odies??
VRISSY: At SCHOOL????????
VRISKA: Yes?
TAVROS: It is somewhat pleasant to be reminded,,, in my darker moments,,,, that the grass is not really ever greener on Alternia,
No comment, this is just pretty hilarious.
I still keep revisiting how easily Vrissy gave up her given name, here. As if she feels like her real name ought to be associated with the hero instead of her, in a kind of... lowkey low self-esteem way.
VRISSY: I should have known he was fucking with us.
VRISSY: GOD he is such a Stupid 8astard.
--Well, they know each other well enough.
Hm. Does Vriska think they can just kill any human kids they run into?
> (==>)
...GOSH, Vrissy is stupid adorable. And like, shockingly chill, in general.
> (==>)
Huh. Vrissy, are you chickening out on an adventure because you’re afraid you’ll get caught? ...well, good for you, honestly! Not that I think it’ll last.
...yup, there she goes after ‘em.
> (==>)
I think you’re still going to fuck up, Vriska.
> (==>)
None of them know where they are going, but Vriska is leading the way, hunched and purposeful
I guess none of this is surprising, really.
Is Jane going to, like... hear about the corpse found in a human school’s basement and blame the rebellion some more somehow? Not that it matters, I guess.
There is something incredibly reassuring, Tavros thinks, about someone who has absolute outward confidence in themselves.
(There’d better not be any relationship conflict involving Vriska upcoming in the future. BETTER not.)
> (==>)
Gamzee managing to fuck everything up even when he’s dead.
> (==>)
VRISKA: No, he’s right, I was going to count to eight.
Hah.
> (==>)
Are they gonna end up dumping him at Harry’s feet?
Nice way to force him out of school and into the rebellion, that.
> (==>)
VRISSY: Keep looking for Harry Anderson. He’s In The Shit with us now, whether he likes it or not.
Guess so! Fair enough.
> (==>)
oh no
(I also understand why I haven’t gotten any asks about this upd8 yet. This is mostly just character (re-)introductions and hijinks. Totally up for some Harry, Vriska, Vrissy and Tavros adventures now that I can actually SEE them, it really adds a lot.)
> (==>)
And there it goes. Slide into Harry’s classroom on the waterslick maybe?
> (==>)
The human students, trained to respond to a fire drill with speed and enthusiasm for missed class time, are out in the hall in a matter of seconds.
Oh, the worst possible outcome. :D
> (==>)
Shit, they’re all on camera. Nice job, Vriska! Welcome to Earth.
> (==>)
> (==>)
Oh my fucking GOD, this image. Vriska is LOVING the chaos!!! She doesn’t even care!
VRISKA: I thought this planet was gonna be a snoozefest desert devoid of 8oth agency and fun, but I am honestly having a gr8 time.
Pfff. I should’ve known. She just cares about being where the Action Is, as Aradia put it at the end of Meat.
> (==>)
She sees it, and she can’t breathe. Her lover, her confidante, her clown of many years, being desecrated by a bunch of treasonous monsters.
You threw him out of a ship.
Yeah, of course she draws that conclusion. Everything and everyone is either with her or against her, after all.
> (==>)
--Wait, you didn’t even know Tavros was missing until that moment???
So did the lawyers send the divorce papers on their own, or did the authors really just forget?
> (==>)
Your John is showing SO hard, Harry.
> (==>)
Congratulations!
> (==>)
Yep!
> (==>)
HARRY ANDERSON: oh fuck
*slow clap*
I’ll cover Catnapped 2 in a bit, though circumspectly as it’s a paid bonus. See y’all!
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get ready to rrrrrumble
jesus christ this is a long ass submission so uh
puts it in a read more
also puts my txt in bold so its easier to read 👍
Right, so I’ve just read everything that happened in the last few asks you got and I’m just gonna sit down and tell you this right now. You better strap the fuck in because this is long and if you’re not gonna read it, shame on you, because all of this is specifically about YOU and the problems people have with you (the people Blu mentioned). First off, I’m not Blu, so don’t go and start calling him names in your server because you’re finally, FINALLY, being called out on all the bullshit you do. I used to be your friend, I left on semi-good terms, and this entire thing is going to explain WHY I left + why you need to square the fuck up.
sounds like fun whoever u are
You need to get your shit together and seriously change yourself, but of course you’re not gonna do that, because you’re an incompetent piece of shit who has your head so far up your ass you can’t see all the things you do wrong. You act like you’re the person who suffers the most, and that anytime anyone is rude to you it’s THEIR fault, not the fact that you did something terrible to someone or that you started some drama. I’ve been fed up with this shit for months, and have been hesitant to say anything directly to your face, because you don’t even know me that well and we hardly talked. We did interact a few times, but those few times were absolute hell to me, because I must have literally retracted some kind of disease just from being near you. You are the fucking EMBODIMENT of tumblrina, and it’s so fucking sad because you weren’t like this before (based on what a few others have told me).
the use of tumblrina here is jus makin me laugh ur a funny guy buddy but i feel like my past self is worse thn my current self like past me participated in cringe culture so like ew
The way you talk? Absolutely fucking horrid. Sit the fuck up and talk like a normal goddamn human being. I’m here to talk to you, not to decipher some 57 commas and abhorrid shortening of words. Jesus fucking Christ Sombre, I can understand Internet slang and cutting some words up, but you fucking butcher the English language so bad it literally sounds like a toddler having a stroke while mashing at their keyboard. It’s “that” not “tht”, it’s “thing” not “thng”, it’s “something” not “smth”, and for GOD FUCKING SAKES IT’S “THE” NOT “TH”. ARE YOU LITERALLY SO FUCKING LAZY THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN TYPE “THE”, A THREE LETTER WORD. I don’t give a shit if you’re talking like this to sound like an anxious uwu tumblr piece of SHIT, it sounds fucking IDIOTIC and it’s an ABSO-FUCKING-LUTE PAIN TO READ.
language is fake and is mostly just sounds we give meaning, im very sorry if you have trouble reading the way i type and id be more than happy to try and not speak to you like i usually do to everyone else if you just asked politely and talked it out with me (tho the idiotic part is accurate im not very smart lmao)
SPEAKING OF YOUR TUMBLR, LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR UPSET.TXT TAG. If you think anyone is gonna pity you, SPOILER ALERT! THEY’RE FUCKING NOT. Unless they’re your shitty “friends”, NOBODY fucking gives a shit, alrighty? Speaking from my perspective and a few others, nobody’s gonna see this venting on their dashboard and give two shits. Unless they’re your mutuals, they won’t care and it just leaves a bad impression. It’s pathetic how when ANYTHING negative happens to you, you decide to take to Tumblr to boo hoo crypost about it. You wanna vent? You wanna cry yourself to sleep? Cool, talk about it on your server, NOT FUCKING TUMBLR, WHERE LITERALLY ANYONE CAN SEE IT. This is just like how Facebook used to be, you see these posts of people posting personal shit and getting bit in the ass for it later, YEAH WELL THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING TO YOU RIGHT NOW BUDDY. DON’T LIKE IT? DON’T FUCKING VENT ON TUMBLR.
i rarely vent on here dude like?? do you see the time gaps between the posts in my vent tag? its also my blog so i can post whatever i like as long as im not hurting anyone yo, plus the point of venting for me at least isnt to like get attention or sympathy its to let off some steam not to mention most to all of my vent posts are vague as hell so like…. why do you even care though?? if i get bit in the ass then thats my problem not yours
Right, so let’s talk about your “im gay” tag too! You identify as male, correct? That’s cool! Congrats. But you’re not gay if you clearly show an interest in girls. Doesn’t matter if they’re fictional or not. Your “im gay” tag is filled with girls (Bismuth, some anime girl, pinup girls). NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE! You’re male, those are females! Opposite genders! That means you’re NOT GAY! WOAAAAAH! So who are you to be reblogging and posting all this shit about how hetero people are the devil, hetero people are the worst wah wah, when you yourself identify as a guy and clearly seem to be interested in girls, even if just a little?
dude i used to identify as nonbinary i only recently started identifying as male, hell i used to identify as female ages back so like? the posts in that tag are most to all old and i do realize my attraction to girls isnt gay, hence why ive only been referring to my attraction to dudes as me being gay post-male identification i guess
Speaking of all the heterophobic shit you reblog, have you not considered it could make some of your followers feel absolutely terrible? I’m bi myself, I like both guys and girls, but holy FUCK when I see that shit on your blog it makes me feel guilty for liking guys at all! Is that how you want people to feel? Whether they’re pan, bi, or straight, that shit’s literally so fucking damaging and it sure as hell hurts to see! And don’t throw that “some of those posts are jokes” bullshit at me, because guess the fuck what! They may be jokes to people who aren’t hetero, but they sure as hell don’t seem like jokes to those who are! How would you feel if I made a joke that was even SLIGHTLY negative towards homosexuals? Wait, no, don’t answer that, because I already know how you’d feel. You’d get pissy, you’d stomp your little baby feet over to Tumblr, and then crypost about it, saying you’re facing homophobia and being harassed blah blah blah.
HETEROPHOBIC IM LAUGHING…. buddy…. pal…. heterophobia is fake and im very sorry if those post make you feel bad as a bisexual person (im also bi so) but heterophobia isnt actually a thing, comparing jokes directed at straight people to lgbtphobia is inherently lgbtphobic as it compares little jokes most to all directed at bigoted/ignorant straights to something that can often result in the actual literal death of hundreds of people for their gender/orientation- that doesnt happen to straight people dude
Also: you don’t have autism. Were you officially diagnosed? Because I’m gonna be real fuckin’ honest, it doesn’t sound like you have autism. You sure have something, hoh yeah, but it’s sure as hell not autism. You put your “autism” up on a pedestal and act like it’s one of the only things about you, like no hunty, your mental illness doesn’t define you. Nobody gives a shit, okay? Your mental illness isn’t an excuse to act like a literal fuckface, it’s not an excuse to treat people like shit, and it sure as hell isn’t an excuse to blame everything on others and make yourself out to be the good guy because “my autism made me anxious or forget things ;w;”. This is the exact kind of tumblrina thing I’m talking about, people on this goddamn website act like their mental illness is the only quality about them and that not being neurotypical makes them special. NEWS-FUCKIN-FLASH, it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. You don’t see me using my mental illness as an excuse for my actions, because I actually step the fuck up and take responsibility for shit I’ve caused. My mental illness does not define me. There’s more to me than that. You need to realize that your fake-ass autism isn’t an excuse for you to be a fucking asshole to the people around you, and that your actions do have consequences. Stop blaming others for shit you’ve caused, stop calling people jackasses when it’s YOU who’s insulting people and twisting the truth, and for the love of God tell your white knights of friends to shut the FUCK up if they don’t know all the details of a situation.
i was technically diagnosed albeit in a nontraditional fashion (a psych at our middleschool was the one who diagnosed me) and i have never defined myself solely by my autism nor have i used it as an excuse for my fuck ups, ive literally apologized and stopped doing the things i did since the blu incident, i recognize i fucked up there and i apologized and i havent done the whole lying out of anxiety thing since, also my white knights of friends??? YOURE the one coming into MY inbox to tell me how shit i am after i blocked blu i literally just want this to be over leave me alone dude
Alright, so now that we’re done talking about YOU, let’s talk about your fandoms. You like Osomatsu-San. Okay, that’s fine. What’s not fine is how FUCKING obsessive you are about it. There’s nothing wrong with liking something and being attached to characters, making art of it, having a blog, reblogging it, talking about it, that’s okay. That’s okay! But you? You fucking hold the characters so close and act like they’re your own characters. You get upset when something doesn’t go your way in the show. This was evidenced by how many times you’ve complained about episodes (guess where? upset.txt) after they’ve come out. That anon about the straight joke? You got so heated over that, didn’t you? Saying Chibita was “out of character”, BITCH, what do you fucking know? He’s not your goddamn character! The writers will write him however the fuck they want. It’s THEIR fucking show, it’s THEIR fucking characters, and it’s THEIR decision of who does what and who acts like what. There’s a VERY thick line between canon and fanon, and you can’t seem to distinguish that AT ALL. You merge your shitty headcanons with the canon universe, and when something doesn’t go your way, you FREAK THE FUCK OUT and go crying about it in your server or on your tags.
youre blowing that ONE FUCKING POST so out of proportion ive never complained abt ososan in upset.txt outside of MAYBE episode 4 and that would be because of the NONCONSENSUAL SEX SCENE i KNOW my headcanons arent canon i KNOW that the chibita/snowtoko complaint was MINOR and i fucking LIKED THAT EPISODE A LOT!! i didnt cry i just felt that based on how the staff have characterized chibita up until that point it was a little jarring to see him react like he did THAT IS ALL! what the fuck!! how would you even know what i talk about in my servers!! youre obviously misinformed my guy!!!
Lemme tell you something, Sombre: Karabita isn’t canon. OH SHIT! I SAID IT BOYS! THAT’S A FUCKING CURSE ISN’T IT!! No, sorry, sit the fuck down and suck those tears up, because it’s true. It’s not canon. It isn’t. You grasp at straws to say it is, but it isn’t. Chibita wore somehing blue? Oh shit, it’s Karamatsu! He’s clearly in love with him! No, sorry honey, that’s not how it works. Of course Chibita would feel pity on him and let him stay with him (ep 24), because who wouldn’t? That doesn’t mean they’re dating. Karamatsu may be the most bisexual person ever, but he sure as hell isn’t dating Chibita (at least, not canonly). Speaking of Chibita, you need to stop acting like any other Matsu x Chibita ship is literal hell. They’re not. There are some decent ones out there, and although they’re rarepairs by now, they’re a lot better quality than the Karabita bullshit you spew out.
me saying karabita is canon is a joke, and my disdain for non karabita matsubita ships is based half in coping reasons and half in chibita has literally no chemistry with the other matsus and seems to not like any of the other bros at all whereas hes actually shown some level of tolerance or interest in karamatsu
While we’re on the subject of non-canon ships, Atsutodo isn’t canon either. Fuck’s sake, they were on screen together for 10 damn seconds. Yes, I’m aware there’s card art of Atsushi and Todomatsu having a meal together, but they’re very clearly not dating if Todomatsu is still going out with girls and holding their hands etc. Oh, speaking of Todomatsu: Your trans hc of him? Generic as fuck. He’s not trans. Call me a transphobe, I don’t give a shit, but he’s not trans. Look at the -kun animes. He’s a guy. Where in his life would he have magically been a girl and then go right back to a guy? The time span between a 12 year old and a 21 year old isn’t long enough to allow you time to transition. In that day and age, it wasn’t even acceptable to be transgender. So none of the Matsus are trans, get that out of your head. Get those “autism hcs” out of your head too, because I KNOW you hc Kara and Jyushi as autistic (and I’m aware you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic too, but we’ll get to that later).
i know atsutodo isnt canon i never said it was all the “x ship is canon” jokes are about karabita and theyre jokes dude, i just think atsutodo would be cute. why the fuck do you even care about my trans hcs?? theyre HEADCANONS they dont HURT ANYONE and like dude there are trans children out there….. stop being a fuckface about simple headcanons what the fuck.
Lemme tell ya something. Karamatsu sure as hell isn’t autistic. Literally the only reason you headcanon him as such is because you yourself claim to be autistic and because “uwu he’s m fav,,,, i relate to him,,,”. Also, I realize “jyushi is autistic xD” headcanons are common, but JESUS FUCK it’s time for them to die. Jyushimatsu is just bizarre in and out, it’s his personality and his way of life. If you’re gonna hc him as autistic for his personality, you’re obviously ignoring his physical abilities. What about that time he cloned himself? Grew different sizes? What about how he seemingly has no bones (tentacle arms)? But oh, let’s ignore that, because he’s always got a smile on his face and he has a childish personality so DURR HE’S OBVIOUSLY AUTISTIC. Also, you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic, but as soon as you started hating him you threw that headcanon out the window. This is PROOF you only headcanon your favorite characters as autistic, and that’s some of the STUPIDEST shit ever.
literally just let people headcanon what they want if it doesnt hurt anyone, im sure in canon theyre not autistic but this is HEADCANON. and is this also to imply that just because a character can do bizarre thing with theyre body they cant also be autistic?? what the fuck does that have to do with anything??? and i didnt throw my autistic ichi hc out the window because “i hate him” i dont even hate him im indifferent to him i hate his fanon incarnation because its stupidly out of character and one note, i also didnt even drop the autism hc for him i feel like he definitely 100% could be autistic but i just dont think about it as much because i think about other characters more than i think about him
Oh yeah, I’d love to hear why you hate Ichimatsu so much? Shut up, I know it’s because “hhhh he abuses kara” but that’s fucking wrong. Listen, Ichimatsu isn’t exactly my favorite either but at least I don’t make him out to be a fucking asshole to Karamatsu. All of the brothers have treated Karamatsu like shit at one point or another. They’ve thrown things at him, ditched him, called him names, ignored him, it’s a fucking trope in the anime that Karamatsu was the one to get hurt. Sure, season 2 has kinda turned that around, but the whole “Ichimatsu is bitter to Karamatsu” thing is the dynamic between them. They DO have moments where they’re not onto each other, though. See how Ichimatsu followed Karamatsu into the woods? Remember the episode where they switched clothes? They didn’t kill each other neither of those times, did they? And yes, I’m aware Ichimatsu has hurt Karamatsu at times (the bazooka, I think smacking?) but he doesn’t LITERALLY ABUSE HIM. You don’t see him kicking him around, PUNCHING HIM, HITTING HIM, EVERY SECOND OF HIS LIFE. Yes, he calls him names. Yes, he’s threatened to hurt him (“I’ll kill you, Shittymatsu.”) but he’s been stopped or HAS stopped every time. If he really was so intent on hurting Karamatsu, don’t you think he wouldn’t ignore his brothers and hurt Karamatsu anyway? But no, he didn’t, and he stopped each time he grabbed Kara. That’s because the entire “Ichimatsu despises Karamatsu” thing is a GAG in the show. It’s meant to be funny. It’s not meant for your negative ass to label it as abuse and then boohoo about it every time Ichimatsu is mentioned. That’s not a valid reason to hate a character, hell, even Karamatsu’s seiyuu said in a Doramatsu CD that Karamatsu was just comic relief. And if you’re gonna look for a reason why Ichimatsu dislikes Karamatsu, consider the hinted and well-supported reason: Ichimatsu “hates” Karamatsu because of how confident he is and how he can always be himself. Ichi is insecure. Ichi is antisocial. Kara, on the other hand, can express himself and show how “cool” he is. Consider that Ichimatsu wants to be more like him, hence why he said he’s the “number one Karamatsu boy” in that one episode.
okay this is just ridiculous i DONT HATE ICHIMATSU and i KNOW its a GAG, i KNOW they get along sometimes i KNOW all the brothers have shat on kara I KNOW THIS abuse takes many forms though and in a more serious anime the way the bros treat kara would probably be depicted as abusive, but it isnt a serious anime so its a gag and i understand that thats FINE, did you even watch the ichimatsu incident? ichimatsu got plenty fucking pissed off at karamatsu and stuff and the “number one karamatsu boy” nonsense was him being concerned about how karamatsu might think of him as such not him calling himself a karamatsu boy, and yes i know the whole ichi wants to be cool and confident like kara thing i understand that but even so that wouldnt logically excuse his bitterness toward kara but again, its a gag anime so its whatever, youre also ignoring the facet of his disdain towards kara being in part because kara is also vain and ichi finds this annoying and thinks kara is fake as hell because of it there was something in i think a magazine where the bros are all asked what they think of eachother i think and i THINK ichi said something along the lines of him not liking kara because he fakes being nice for the sake of his own ego or something (which is likely ichi just having a negative image of kara rather than that actually being the case because i dont think karas that smart but who knows i dont!!) so like y’know
In conclusion, I would like to say you need to shut the fuck up and chill with your fandoms and headcanons, realize headcanons aren’t canon, and also get your head out of your ass. You’ve done so many wrong things and need to stop blaming them on others. You’ve lied, insulted, and put the blame on so many of your old friends, you’ve avoided people who you deem “toxic” (simply because they have different opinions than you), you think people can’t form their own opinions, and you don’t back up your friends when they’re getting shittalked. You act like an assoholic brat and cannot, for the life of you, open up your eyes and see this. You’re lucky the dicktwats on your server are there for you, because if they weren’t, you’d be all alone, and honestly? That seems pretty good at this point. Fits you perfectly.
i know headcanons arent canon, i know ive lied (though ive really only insulted people who were dicks to my friends and maybe blu which probably not a good thing but i mean hes also insulted me so?? even i guess??) and i regret that, im more honest now and try my best to show kindness to people who have done me and my friends no wrong, ive only ever put blame on blu i literally dont blame anyone else for anything, i dont avoid people i deem “toxic” i avoid people i dont get along with because if i dont get along with them then theres no reason to talk to them im gonna let them live their lives, of course i think people can form their own opinions what on earth are you talking about???? when did i not back up a friend when they got shit talked?? i dont remember that but id like to deeply apologize if i ever did, unless youre talking about when someone in my server insults blu over ykno… him not leaving me alone and harassing me when ive done nothing but mind my own business since the incident, then while it was kind of uncomfortable for me because i felt it was the wrong thing to do i couldnt exactly muster the words to protest it. im very sorry you feel that way im always trying to improve and i like to think that im making some level of progress in being more sensitive and kind to those around me. but also dont insult my friends they didnt do shit weve been minding our own goddamn business this entire time blu is the one who started it back up again.
Now, go back to crying in your server and soaking in self-deprication, fuckass.
yknow i get the feeling i know who this is but i dont want to jump to any conclusions so, uh, okay! see ya my dude :0c
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