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ak8shi · 4 years

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FWB HQ Boys: In which you beat the player at his own game!

warnings: Time skip spoilers, mentions of sex(all characters are 18+), stupid people in love

a/n: I love one(1) libra man!! I love Atsumu’s character and the way he’s developed in hq and I think that this is a very probable way in which he finds love !! thank you all so much for loving the first installment so much <3 I-I went a little overboard with this one but ,, xoxo Chlo

━Miya Atsumu

Let’s start with a little background; I think we can all agree Atsumu is and always has been popular with the ladies

…But that doesn’t necessarily mean the ladies are popular with him LMAO

He’s truly the emotionally unavailable heartbreaker and he built himself quite a reputation without even knowing it

This dude doesn’t even really fuck around with girls, maybe a few meaningless flings his senior year but besides that, he only has eyes for one lady and her name begins with the letter V and ends with ball

LET’S GO

So you’ve known Atsumu for years unfortunately,,, and you surely know about how he treats the girls that approach him with confessions and boxes of chocolates

You don’t approve of it at all, but your family is practically family with the Miya’s and you’ve literally spent every major holiday with them since you can remember

You: Atsumu would it kill you to show some respect towards these women

Atsumu: If she breathes, she’s a thot

….smh… a fucking mess someone please put him in his place

However your mom was always happy that you could be around the twins since you were an only child, and she loved the idea of you having two brothers who would protect you from the evils of college men little did she know,,

You hate to admit it and we hate to see it, but you started to develop a crush on him your freshman year of high school.. you suppose it was because you spent so much time with him and you saw parts of him that a lot of people didn’t get to see I mean you also saw him with his jersey on and off pretty often how could you resist

For example, every Halloween you had a sleep-over tradition where you watched horror films after trick-or-treating and Atsumu was scared SHITLESS every year, I’m talking ripping your favorite blanket off you and burying his face in it to block out the movie, he would threaten you and Osamu about telling people at school about it

Him, a 17 year old teen standing in your doorway at 3:40 am: c-can I sleep on yer floor I LOVE HIM SKAKAKAJSW

You, filming him and sending it to Suna on snap: sure Atsumu <3

You found yourself entranced when he automatically gave you his school cardigan on the walks home from school when it was cold or raining, and completely enraptured by his cute little accent

Atsumu: did ya know yer a fuckin’ idiot bimbo stupid butt crack for not bringin’ yer jacket

Atsumu: yer lucky I’m a gentleman

You: ...

Osamu: god…..

It was naïve to think he would ever reciprocate feelings especially with his entire life being his volleyball career, and you convinced yourself it was a tiny high school crush and eventually you managed to repress it

Too much was on the line; you didn’t want to make both of your families awkward, and you needed to focus on your studies as one of the top students at Inarizaki yes ma’am

Besides you loved him like family right ???

RIGHT ???

The twins are a year older than you, and Atsumu had just signed to play professionally for MSBY!!

You at his official signing: wow, looks like you don’t have to resort to living on the streets after all

Him: yeah ❤️

You kind of forgot about how you felt about him since you weren’t seeing either of the twins consistently anymore with how busy both of you were; you stayed in contact, but nothing really serious

It was weird because you were still in high school while the boys were experiencing college and doing their own thing… you drifted apart honestly and you felt a bit awkward talking to them sometimes, you felt like you were bothering them Atsumu would probably tease you and say that you were

Another year passed and you were heading to college! You are living your best life, meeting new people, and then you got the text from your mom that you were doing Thanksgiving with the Miya’s,, you weren’t sure if that meant you would be seeing both twins but something about the possibility of seeing Atsumu again made something stir in your chest

Fall break hit and you found out both the twins and you were back at home since Atsumu also had a rare break from training and his regular professional season

You were helping Osamu out at his shop, since it was his first time dealing with the overflow of Thanksgiving season as a new business owner

You’re helping close the shop, when you hear the door jingle; you turn to say a polite “sorry we’re closed for the day,” but you’re met with what seems like a new and improved and muscular Atsumu OH NO

He looks amazing and so much older than you remember??? And he’s thinking the same thing about you!!! Like wow she’s changed a lot since she started college, I’ve missed a lot apparently ??

You immediately fall into his arms, inhaling his familiar scent, Osamu rolling his eyes at the two of you and telling you to get lost before he yaks

You leave the shop with Atsumu, inviting him to your house; as you enter, you catch your mom leaving to pick up some last-minute groceries for the Thanksgiving meal

She’s acts way happier to see Atsumu than she acted when you came home LMAO later she doesn’t shut up about how handsome and manly he’s become, but you just pull him away to your room and lock your door behind you

He goes to sit on your flower-patterned comforter from your childhood, newly washed thanks to your mother

Atsumu: so…. what’s up with you..?

You can’t control the churning of your stomach all of a sudden; you can’t remember him ever looking at you this way, like he’s looking at a woman

The feelings come rushing back, and literally all you can think about is kissing him

You lean back on your dresser in front of the bed, and a wave of need to express yourself washes over you,

“Atsumu, I missed you.”

You don’t even know what’s happening until you’re trapped in between Atsumu and the door, his mouth gently pressed against yours, his warm hands caressing your hips

He asks if this is okay, and all you can do is moan back a yes in response

Let’s just say your mom might need to clean your comforter again lmaoo

It’s complicated and you’re both kinda confused after… like no one admitted that they had feelings for the other and its not like either of you can just disappear from the other’s life like a random hook-up

BUT BOTH OF YOU ARE TOO STUPID AND STUBBORN TO REALIZE YOU LIKE EACH OTHER AND WANT A RELATIONSHIP I-

Like he’s literally cuddling you and kissing you and asking you about college in your childhood bedroom naked what

And it ISN’T uncomfortable at all

It feels so right to be in his arms, and you’re in disbelief about what happened??? What even like how have you gone all this time without doing anything honestly

You suddenly hear your dad pull into the garage, and you’re both up and putting your clothes on as fast as possible

It’s embarrassing when you look back on it, how long the hook-ups went on, but this was a common occurrence whenever the two of you were home

It was basically like you were dating and doing long-distance without the label

IT WENT ON FOR ALMOST A YEAR 🤡

Osamu during next year’s Thanksgiving meal: I think we should go around the table and say what we’re thankful for, I’ll go first. I’m thankful that two people at this table are getting laid despite the fact that I’m not 😊

Your parents:

Atsumu, in many ways, is oblivious to what his feelings mean after not really being in any real relationships and blocking out all the girls during high school,

He would find himself texting you after each of his matches, hoping you had watched him and his heart would flutter when you complimented him on his sets

Atsumu on the phone with you: yeah I’m just chillin’ with the boys rn 😏

Sakusa: get the fuck off my bed and get off the phone with your girlfriend so I can sleep

Atsumu: she’s not my girlfr-

Sakusa, talking loud enough for you to hear: I literally don’t care but don’t you have her picture saved as your lockscreen?

He tried to hook-up with someone when he was away playing a tournament in the summer, but it wasn’t the same and it was only good if he imagined it was you

He never did it again and before coming home for Christmas, he called Osamu to finally ask him what to do

Osamu: about time you meathead

Osamu literally spells it out to this man; he has been and is in love with you and he needs to do something about it asap before someone else snatched you away

Atsumu: why didn’t ya just say somethin’ ? Ya know I’m not good at these typa things !

I can’t he’s something else

So it’s Christmas, and he asks if you would want to go see the town square’s Christmas lights with him

Of course you say yes, you’re just really excited to finally see him after so long !!

Atsumu with rosy cheeks ugh spare me

He picks you up and greets you with a kiss to your temple, and he has a little gift baggie with him; he hands it to you to open and you pull out his old school cardigan

“I-I thought maybe you would want it since ya always stole it from me in high school, and since I’m half-way ‘round the world most of the time”

It smells just like him, you thank him with a kiss to his cheek and you tuck it away in your bedroom before leaving hand-in hand to see the colorful lights dazzling in the night sky

You talked to Osamu about your relationship with his brother and you want Atsumu to make a move honestly; you want to be sure he wants this since you’ve literally liked him since high school

You’re not sure what you are expecting, but when Atsumu has you in his arms, your back against his chest and his chin on your shoulder as you watch the Christmas carolers, you don’t expect him to whisper into your ear,

“hey, will ya be my girl?”

You turn around to give him a surprised look, his hand bringing yours to his mouth to plant a soft kiss on your knuckles this is his favorite place to kiss fight me

After getting over your dream-like shock, you say yes and pull him into a kiss

I’m crying he tells you afterwards that you were his girl since the first time he met you, we’ll let him have this one because did he really know until like a week ago? no

Whew, all of your friends and family let out a relieved sigh when they hear the news LMAO

Suna, hearing about Atsumu finally making it official: thank god I was about to start blackmailing him with those Halloween videos

#did writing this make me fall in love with him?maybe so #haikyuu!!#atsumu #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu #atsumu headcanons #atsumu scenarios #atsumu x reader #atsumu fluff #atsumu imagines #hq #hq fluff #hq scenarios #hq headcannon #hq drabble #hq x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu headcannons

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phoenotopia · 3 years

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The Last Phoenotopia Blog Update

(Date 2021 MAR 01)

I debated how to open this blog post, but perhaps the main crux of this blog post is the best place to start. The blog is being retired.

The purpose of this blog was to be a "development" blog for Phoenotopia, and well, Phoenotopia's development is done. I'll still be doing bug fixes and maintenance on the PC and Switch versions, and playstation and xbox ports are underway (by a publisher). But I'm not going to be making any more major changes to the game. At some point, you put the paintbrush down and say it's done. Blemishes and all.

Recent Events

The game launched on Steam last month, and like any launch, it was hectic. Bugs Galore. This is our first commercial PC launch, so it was a real baptism by fire. Unlike Switch's one configuration, the PC has multiple configurations and factors to account for. The game needed to be able to handle multiple control schemes, screen resolutions, refresh rates, and more! I had a 60Hz monitor going into launch and didn't know anything about Hz (I do now). There was a troublesome stutter that some players were sensitive to that my whole team didn't notice since our eyes compensated it away. There were a few times where in fixing something at one party's behest, it introduced problems for another party. A few times, due to disorganization, I unwittingly rolled back a fix that was meant to be applied. For some, the game couldn't play at all (really glad Steam allows refunds).

It was messy. It was tiring. I.AM.BEAT.

I think the worst of it is over... I'll still be around to do the last updates and bug fixes, but I'm ultimately ready for what's next.

SO what is next?

What isn't next... is Phoenotopia 2. As you may have heard down the grapevine, the game couldn't be what you call successful. No one's earned even minimum wage on it.

Maybe there's hope in the game's long tail. A year or two down the line... maybe. I won't hold my breath though. At some point in the past few months, I finished processing (or grieving) and it's time to move on.

The game has at least earned enough for us to continue our modest operations. As long as we don't expand the team, and we don't take another monster six-year dev cycle like what Phoenotopia took, we can continue. We'll have to be smarter and faster. Perhaps the most valuable thing we gained from all this is experience.

The Experience

It is a dev blog. Here are some of the lessons I've accumulated from this game's development.

- Have a good menu design. Menus aren't just that in-between fluff before you get to the good stuff. Menus are KEY. Your menus need to be robust, expandable, and *understandable* (to you, the developer). Because once the game's out, you will invariably be asked to add more options. And if your menu design is bad, every time you have to add a new menu option, it becomes a whole new pain all over again. Support mouse from the get-go, etc.

- Focus on features that people will actually care about. For instance, I've never seen anyone praise the camera's zoom feature. In practice, people try that feature a few times and then never use it again. But that feature was a constant consideration factor for every level. Run through it multiple times to make sure the level didn't break, think about which zoom levels made sense, resize rooms because they worked at one zoom level but not the other, and so on.

- Don't do boxes that you can move around. Other 2D platformers avoid movable boxes because they're a huge headache to program and they really complicate the game space. Enemies need to respond to boxes you throw in their path and either navigate around or attack it. When you're moving the box, you have to worry about constantly changing your collision size and reconciling when the box gets snagged on the environment. The boxes were also a constant source of bugs because people can manipulate them to soft-lock themselves and more.

- More focused script. Phoenotopia's 100,000+ word script was panned more for being bloated than it was praised for being lengthy. Long scripts take a long time to write and make the game more unwieldy, increasing the costs of translation and upkeep. Every update we're addressing some textual error or mistranslation. There are some highly renowned games (e.g. Hyper Light Drifter) that do without a script at all!

- Be flashy! A bat and a lightsaber take the same amount of work to program, but the lightsaber will draw a lot more attention and interest.

- Slopes, surprisingly! Six years ago when I started, Unity was ill-equipped for 2D games. If you used the physics that Unity provided you'd have a really floaty character that wouldn't adhere to the slope when going downhill. There were a hundred different tutorials saying different things (use forces, use move position, use translation, etc). You can get rectangular collisions done in a day, but to do slopes took weeks. Meanwhile, games can actually get by fine without slopes. Most people won't even notice. Did you know the Phoenotopia flash game didn't have slopes? Neither does Hollow Knight or Rogue Legacy. You can save yourself a lot of work by avoiding slopes.

(big entities look weird on slopes. Bad slope!)

I could write enough little knowledge nuggets like this to fill a book! But I'd rather just make the next game.

So… what IS next?

As mentioned previously, it's not Phoenotopia 2. Pirate and I are mostly just tossing some ideas back and forth right now. We'll go silent for a year (or two). Our next game's scope will be more modest in some ways, more ambitious in others. It will definitely be more smartly designed. (There will be a map!)

We'll announce it when it's ready for the public. It might be necessary for us to do a kickstarter. I've tried to avoid kickstarters having been burnt on quite a few myself and also because I worry that mismanaging a kickstarter would earn the ire of backers.

But I did keep this blog regularly updated for six years. So I've gained some confidence in my abilities to at least manage a kickstarter well.

Is it really the last Phoenotopia Blog update though?

Okay, not really. There is some news that I'll need to announce, and this blog is one of the game's main outreach channels. Here are the events that will cause me to update the blog:

Announcing the launch of the xbox/playstation ports when they're ready

If a physical edition of the game happens

If a new language is getting introduced into the game (Korean is a high possibility)

When we're ready to talk about our next game

If (BIG IF) we begin development on a Phoenotopia sequel. I do want to do a sequel one day if we have the means and the demand is there.

Those updates will be more on a "when they happen" basis, rather than me reporting in every couple months.

Fan Art

As always, I'm very happy to see fanart of Phoenotopia. Major thanks again to Pimez for collecting all the artwork from the corners of the internet! Since this is the "last" blogpost, Sir Pimez can finally take a rest from collecting the fanart :P

ÆV made a series of pictures that tell a story. A Pooki is humanely sheared of its wool to create a hat. The Pooki is unharmed. Nice! Gotta love Gail’s expressions.

Amagoo Mazeru makes a stunning landscape shot of a full moon and shooting stars. It’s a sharp and clear vector art. I like the faint glow of the moon and the fire and the subtle gradient in the night sky. Very skillfully done!

Hah hah. I got a chuckle out of this one. I imagine this is how Gail's enemies see her by the end of the game. CaESar made this image based on TerminalMontage's famous youtube videos. Nailed it!

CrownStar drew two pictures of Gail. I'm a big player of JRPGs, so the first shot instantly reminded me of Persona 4's art style. (Hmmm... Phoeonotopia as a JRPG... there’s potential there...) Next, Birdy is shown carried off after her defeat. I really like Birdy's expression here - she just seems mildly uncomfortable.

There's a bit of a story behind the first image. As Firanka shares it, she wasn't able to defeat the Big Eye monster at the end of the flash game, so she believed a tall tale that what awaited after was a 6 armed Kobold boss. Hilarious! The second is a rendition of the lonely Anuri elder. A rare subject. The loneliness is portrayed well here. I feel lonely just looking at it!

Koo_chop draws the clash between Gail and Katash at the top of the towers. I really like this interpretation of the game's art style. It’s faithful to the in-game graphics. And the lighting, from the glow of Gail's bat, to Katash's sword, and the lightning in the background... Amazing!

Lime Hazard shows Gail with a salute pose. Very appropriate for this occasion. I also like how there's a slight tilt in the angle that Gail is portrayed. Those dynamic angles are always hard to get right, and Lime Hazard pulled it off very skillfully. See you next mission!

Lyoung0J with a digital painting of Gail posed sitting on a rock. I like how it almost seems like she was caught in a candid moment - she’s smiling, but also feeling self-conscious. Cute! The art style really pops, and I like how Gail is sporting what I call the old anime style nose.

MyUesrNameIsSh*t with a sketch of Gail performing a skillful slingshot. I like how Gail is depicted with her tongue out in a mischievous manner, the way all mischievous people with slingshots do.

Niitsu Kentaro returns with a 2021 Happy New Year picture. That happened didn't it? A New Year... Gail's pose gave me a chuckle with how she seems to be waving the bat around as casually as one would wave hello. And "Phoenotopiyear"... Well said! One day we'll have our Phoenotopiyear...

Ochan Nu breaks all records with a stunning NINE pictures in one session :O

There's so many goodies here. My favorite would be the one with Gail staring intently at the screen - it's like she's looking directly at you. You almost feel uncomfortable.

Next, there's an Animal Crossing villager dressed as Gail and sporting her pink hair. It even looks like a house Gail would live in. Gail is a connoisseur of the arts and likes Mona Lisa. Yes :)

There are various comics of Gail pointing out Gail's weird food habits. A picture of Fran looking really cool, and even Gail rocking a bathing suit. (bathing suit image linked here in case NSFW). Wow!

Pimez didn't just collect the arts, he creates them as well! This one, which he aptly named 'The Year 175' is a depiction of when the dragons invaded the towers as told by an elderly Daean woman. Great pixeling skills! I got a good chuckle from the ice dragon leaving with its stuff slung over its shoulder.

Quo made a stunning picture of Gail playing the flute surrounded by the 5 musical notes and the Phoenix logo behind her. The theme seems to be "fire" and it works really well. Gail herself looks awesome depicted in her red suit - it's like she's leading a marching band!

Rai Asuha depicts Gail in the late game with her red suit, and night star bat, and holding a lamp. She looks ready for adventure! I really like the white outline here and Gail's poofy shoulders here - the art style feels reminiscent of Final Fantasy Tactics.

Seri also draws Gail bearing her late game equipment. Unique to Seri's drawing is how all of Gail's equipment is accessible from a pocket on her shirt. I also like how Gail is depicted with her lucky earrings - that accessory is often forgotten.

Treedude depicts Gail with a bat and wearing a funny smirk. She looks like she's ready to hurt someone!

Warotar returns with everyone's favorite Great Drake, Bubbles! It seems so happy to be featured!

I'm really grateful for all the fanart this game has received. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

Closing Notes

Pirate drew a picture to mark the occasion. It shows Gail enjoying a hot chocolate with marshmallows and a pumpkin muffin. A rest well-earned...

Goodbye! Until next time!

#phoenotopia

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #451

“taste the waste of their god’s grace & spit your hate upon your young”

Who are you subscribed to on YouTube? A shitload of people. Do you like to go to the farmer's market? Yeah, sure. What will (or was) the color of your wedding dress be? Probably black. What's your favorite melon? I don't really like melons, actually. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :( When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with? Literally every day. Seriously. It's funny, I dread fighting to sleep at night, but I also just want it to be time to sleep so time will pass. My life is just so fucking boring that I just... wait for something exciting to happen. Name one person you've never had a fight with: Tez. What are you currently listening to? "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment. What would you rather have: cat or dog? I prefer cats. Who is your least favorite person in real life? Probably my sister's husband. Do you ever watch anybody's live stream of... anything, really? I'll sometimes watch live let's plays. Does your house have security cameras? No. If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be? I'll be dyeing it. What was the last establishment you stopped going to due to bad service? What happened? I'm not sure. What soundtrack do you listen to the most? Silent Hill 2's, definitely. Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult? I don't know if it's really a secret, but I didn't know until this year that my dad did some really dangerous drugs before us kids were born. Do you have an opinion most people you meet seem to disagree with you? Yes. What’s something you like to have many options to choose from? Food, ha ha. Feels great to have a full kitchen after a grocery trip. What’s the strangest decorative object you own? Nothing "strange" to me. What’s a thing you couldn’t imagine doing with your life right now? One biggie is having a baby. I just... could not imagine. My life would plummet. What’s been your proudest moment? Graduating in the top percentile in my high school graduating class. What’s the filthiest non-pornographic movie you’ve seen? Omfg, Sausage Party. That movie was so gross. Do you know anyone who doesn't seem to be fond of animals? Thankfully, no. I don't even think I could befriend someone who doesn't like animals. Are you planning any outings or trips anytime soon? Whereabouts? No. Do you know anyone who has a phobia of a certain animal? Yeah, like me with whale sharks. Is there a particular brand of technology/electronics that you prefer? Not really, no. Is there a singer whose voice gives you goosebumps/chills? Amy Lee's. And is there a singer whose voice you simply can't stand? Yeah, such as Bob Dylan. Are there any authors that are particularly dominant on your bookshelf? Tui T. Sutherland, but only because I read their series Wings of Fire. Have you seen any photographs or videos that made you smile today? I'm sure on Facebook at some point. Which item in your fridge are you most looking forward to consuming? Does the freezer count? If so, this Healthy Choice grilled chicken pesto bowl I have in there. I am like addicted to them. Has anyone you know got into a new relationship lately? I don't know. If you menstruate, do you experience much PMS prior to it? It varies month-to-month. Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to? I had my Markiplier tattoo essentially redone by a better artist. I also plan on getting my "ohana" tat covered, as well as my "how rare and beautiful it is to even exist" one (I adore the quote, but it's not an original design, which I don't like having anymore), and I want to move and redesign my "perfectly flawed" one because I want a bigger tattoo in its location. Can you remember the last time you had a sudden change of mind? Yeah; I'm pretty sure I like-like my friend Girt now, something I was never entirely sure about. When was the last time you did something on a whim? *shrug* Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you? Well, I guess both, but Dad didn't do a lot of the teaching part about life and stuff. Have you ever began a relationship with someone you knew for less than a week? No. Has one of your friends ever tried to ‘hook you up?’ Yes. Colleen tried that with me and Girt and only succeeded in making us very uncomfortable. She said something I wanted to slap her for that I won't repeat. What is your card game of choice? Magic: The Gathering. What is your favourite books series? I think my favorite series of all time was the Shiloh trilogy. I adored both the books and movies. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions? You'd better give me landmarks, ha ha. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Of course. What was your favourite gym class moment? There're such things as GOOD gym memories in school? Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? Yes. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? No, I always thought it was very flattering that they even wanted mine. Do you have a favourite Scooby-Doo movie? The Phantom Virus one. I had the video game as a kid, too. Could never beat the damn thing. Do you think it’s cute when toddlers try to run away and fall down? No? I don't like seeing children - or anyone - fall. Do you enjoy listening to your grandparents tell stories of their past? So, this really only happened once, and it was coincidentally the day I learned of her pancreatic cancer, but before Mom told me. I had an assignment to interview someone of an older generation about how various sources of media affected their lives, like the development of TV and such, and she really got into it. It was very interesting to learn about. Do you have a crush on someone? I guess I do idfk. If so... what does his/her name begin with? "D." What attracts you to them? More than anything, the fact he's been there for me without fail. Both single and when I was with Jason and he was interested in me, he's just... been there and has made an effort since high school to be in my life in one way or another. Do they know that you like them? Not anymore, no. We dated for a few months, but I broke up with him because he felt more like my brother, so I would assume he doesn't think I do. Maybe he still is family to me. I really don't know what I feel. If they don't know, why didn't you tell them? I might at some point, idk. We just haven't talked in a while. Name two people that you miss: Jason and Megan. Have you ever seen Titanic? When I was in the hospital, yes. Everyone was crying, lmao. Have you ever swam with dolphins? No, but I would. When was the last time you had a stomachache? Now. Mother Nature finally visited me after three whole fucking months and is v angry. What's going to bed early for you? Like 7:00. Do you want to have a big family in the future? Of pets! Human kids ain't for me. What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush? Hell if I know. Favorite Nicholas Cage movie? Ghost Rider. Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yes. I got Moderna. If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? I did on my second dosage. I was OUT of it the day afterwards, but then I was fine. What's the next item of clothing that you intend to buy for yourself? I need new bras badly. What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful? It's called "Not Just A Pet Rock (Python regius)" and is a group for advanced ball python husbandry. It is very informative, but I will say there is a SHITLOAD of very rude elitists. Do you like your butt? Why or why not? NO because it's a PANCAKE and I want CAKE. Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia? I personally think so. When Sara visited and we were trying to go to my older sister's so she especially could meet her, Ash entirely ignored Mom's messages. I know her homophobic husband well enough to nearly be able to guarantee he didn't want us coming over because the kids "don't need to see that." Ash kinda does what Nick says, so... you know. Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I know I'm happier with pets. Who was the last person you went on a date with? Sara. Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid? No. What’s your favorite way to curl your hair? It's too short to do that. At what age did you start swearing? However old I was in 7th grade. What is something you physically can’t do? Clean up vomit lkdsjal;sdkjfa;lkwd. I can't clean up my pet's or even my own. I literally can't. My mom has to. What do like better, apples or oranges? Apples. I don't like oranges. Around the holidays, do you hope for snow? Yes!!! What are your top two favorite bands? Ozzy Osbourne and Metallica. How many people do you 100% trust? Like two. Maybe. Do you care what others think about you? Way too much. Has anyone ever called you a bitch? My grandmother has. Did you watch Teletubbies when you were younger? Omg yes, I was obsessed. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have that. Could you live the rest of your life without eating meat? No. Not because I don't want to, because I do, but I would have an extreme protein deficit if I did that. Besides meat, I don't like enough protein-rich foods. Have you ever had a rolling backpack? Yes. Did you make any money today? I haven't made any money in a very, very long time. I'm only ever paid when someone hires me to take pictures for them. What was the highest place you've ever jumped from? I don't know. Definitely not very high. Have you ever gone swimming in a river? Yes. What was the last souvenir someone got you? I have zero clue. Do you have a favorite remix of a song? Hm. Perhaps this techno-y remix of "Psychosocial" by Slipknot. I don't know for sure, though. What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument? Either the violin or piano. Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies? Nope. Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar/etc.)? Probably clouded leopards aesthetics, but I think lions overall. If you had $500,000, what would you do with it? Pay off school debt as well as help Mom with various financial issues, buy new glasses, buy Mom and I a new house and car, get Venus a great tank with all the optimal supplies, get LOADS of tattoos, donate to various charities, adopt a few specific pets, travel to Yellowstone, get laser hair removal on my legs and teeth whitening... There are a lot of possibilities. Did the last person you touched lips with have a kid? Just scaly ones. :') "First loves are never really over." Is this true for you? Yeeeep... Did you like Michael Jackson before he died? I didn't really have an opinion on him. I know/like a couple songs, sure. What are some things that would make you break up with someone? If they became abusive, started doing drugs, acted arrogantly, didn't understand my mental conditions and were unwilling to be emotionally supportive, stuff like that. What was the worst breakup you've ever had? Ha, the one with Jason. For. Fucking. Sure.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''degrade'' by 3teeth

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angelliev · 4 years

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Lover Boy - JJ Maybank x OC - Part Five - Heaven is with You

Word Count: 3.4K

Summary: It’s the masquerade ball. Secrets are spilled. Aria will share a passionate moment with JJ and a heartbreaking one with someone else. Some people will put on a mask to hide their lies, while others with take theirs off to show their true self.

Warnings: Smut, angst, cursing, alcohol/drugs, mention of abuse and pregnancy.

A/N: Sorry I didn’t post yesterday guys! I was visiting family for the weekend. I hope you enjoy reading this one. I was definitely having difficulty writing because not only was it hard to decide what I wanted to do with the story, but I was also trying not to cry while writing this one. I hope you enjoy! (Not my GIF. credits to the owner. I don’t own the show or any of the characters.)

Lover Boy Series Masterlist

The hot sun beams down on me as I stay afloat in the pool. I am forever grateful for air conditioning. I don’t know how people do it. I’d melt away in the heat. I’m sitting by the edge soaking in the coolness of the water. I attempt to relax while soaking in the sun, trying to tan a little bit.

My grandmother Lorraine, comes outside. “Aria, what are you still doing in the pool? Come dry off and get ready.” She hands me a towel. “Where are we going?” I asked. “We’re going out for brunch, then to the spa and the tailor to pick up your dress. Now get out.” She demands. Lorraine Prescott is a lot like my father. Demanding and manipulative. Always getting what she wants.

“Thank you, but I think I’ll have to pass, I’m not going this year.” I decline. “No, you’re going. It’s the masquerade ball, you’ve gone every year and now you’re going this year, end of story.” She protests. “They do it every year and it’s not going to make a difference if I’m not there.” “Yes, it will. Your father is a very important guest, making you a very important guest, and it would be insulting for you not to go.” She argued. “I’m not going.” I still protest.

“Aria, get out the god damn pool you’re going! You’re such a fucking brat! Is it too much to ask for you to be a good daughter for once?” My father finally snaps and throws a plate on the ground, in result shattering it everywhere. I huff and pull myself out of the water. I couldn’t even look him in the eye without any trace of hatred in my own. He can just be so horrible sometimes. “Was that really necessary Claude?” My mom comes out very annoyed and angry which is very rare. I could see the guilt on my father’s face when he realized what he had said and done. “Aria, I’m sorry I didn’t mean any of that. I overreacted.” He apologized, but I didn’t care. “Your apology means nothing to me.” I spat and stomped away.

The whole day out was a drag. Lorraine was the phone the whole time and Jennifer was talking nonstop about her conceited self. She was mostly bragging about her perfect boyfriend Rafe Cameron. Lorraine is very fond of the Camerons, so it pleased her to know that her lovely granddaughter was dating someone of high class. When I get home and shower, I fling myself on the bed not ready for the night. My laptop starts to ring, alerting me that someone wants to FaceTime. I was more than happy to see my beloved’s face when I answered. JJ didn’t bother to wear a shirt as per usual, so I had to face the camera away from the door to make sure his face wouldn’t be seen if someone decided to barge in.

We talked about the usual stuff for a while. “God, I miss you so much babygirl.” His eyes turn dark as he eyed the silk robe hugging my body. The things I’d do to have him over he right now. “Me too lover boy. It’s a shame. I had a special surprise for you. I guess I’ll have to wait till next time.” I tease. “Oh yeah? What’s next time?” He asked. “My parents are flying to Las Vegas for a convention. My sister and her friends are taking a girls trip to Boston. So,” I begin to undo my robe, exposing my naked skin to him, making him smile and bite his lip. “We’ll have the place to ourselves. We can be as loud as we want.” “Mm, babygirl you’ve got me hard just thinking about the things I’m gonna do to you.” “I just can’t wait.” I can practically see the wheels turning in his head.

“Touch yourself for me babygirl.” He said with such lustful eyes. I couldn’t help but smile as I lay down and begin to rub figure eights on my clit. I then insert two fingers, letting them curl and thrust within me, chasing a high only JJ could give me. When I glance at the screen, his hand is running up and down his thick shaft. “Baby, I want you inside me so bad.” I cry. “Soon babygirl. Just imagine it’s my fingers curling inside you right now.” I let my mind race to the thought of him fingering me. God, I loved how his lengthy finger were always able to reach that sweet spot inside me. I just want to be engulfed in him. I just want him to kiss me with his undying passion and love for me. I just want to make love with him till I die. I just want him. Just as I’m about to bring myself to orgasm, a knock erupts on my locked door, the handle begins to jiggle.

“Why is this door locked? You know the rules!” Yelled my father. I let out an annoyed sigh before screaming into the pillow, sexually frustrated. “I’m getting dressed! Just give me a second!” I yell. “I got to go baby. I’ll call you as soon as I can.” I quickly shut the laptop and wrap my naked self in the silky robe. When I open the door, my father seems annoyed. “Why the hell aren’t you dressed?”

“I just got out of the shower and did my hair and makeup.” I say. Before my father could scold me anymore, my mother comes to my rescue. “Honey, I got this.” She says shooing him away and closing the door. “I can’t wait to see you all dressed up!” She’s referring to my spaghetti strap rose gold dress and matching color mask. I was a little astonished with the whole outfit. Normally, I don’t enjoy getting all dressed for events like these, but I sort of fell in love with this dress. I guess it sort of reminded me of the sundress I wore the night I lost my virginity to JJ.

“You look so beautiful sweetheart!” My mother gushed as she gazed at my appearance, kissing the top of my head. She has always been so sweet and kind to me. She’s always played with me as a child. Always encouraged me to pursue my dreams. Always accepted me for who I am. She has always had a warm heart and a kind soul. I wish my father was a lot more like my mom. “Thank you, mom. I love you.” I hold her hand. “I love you too, sweetheart. Now let’s go. You look like an absolute princess.” She compliments as she guides me out of the room.

Before I head downstairs, I head into one of the guest bathrooms, looking for a hand lotion. Without any luck, I open up the cabinet under the sink, and am still not having any luck as I’m rummaging around. Just as I’m about to ditch the idea, I found something much more interesting. My hand grips the Ziplock bag. I was taken by surprise as I scanned its contents. One positive pregnancy test and an ultrasound picture. I didn’t hesitate to take it out to examine. The fetus is tiny, so it couldn’t be that old. When I looked up at the patient’s name, my eyes nearly popped out of my sockets. Jennifer Prescott. I had to blink a few times to make sure it was real, thinking that the name would change, but it obviously didn’t.

“Aria come on!” Yells Lorraine. “Coming!” I frantically shove the evidence to the back of the cabinet before running downstairs, nearly face planting. “You okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” Lorraine said. I just simply stared at Jennifer’s belly with wide eyes, still in shock. She just gives me the weirdest look as my eyes continued to stay glued to her stomach. “I’m fine. Just kind of spaced out.” I lied, finally getting a hold of myself. I sat uncomfortably in the car the whole way there. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. My picture-perfect sister pregnant? With Rafe Cameron’s baby? Are you shitting me? I didn’t have time to be bored at the masquerade. I just stood there like a fucking statue, earning a few bizarre looks from guests.

“Can you at least look like you’re having fun?” Asked Lorraine. “What?” I asked cluelessly, still gazing at Jennifer and Rafe. Does he know? Does anyone know? She just lets out a frustrated sigh. My father and a stranger approaches us. “Hello, I’d let to introduce you ladies to Francis Kline. Francis, this is my mother, Lorraine Prescott.” They two exchange handshakes as I sip awkwardly on my sparkling cider lost in my own thoughts. “And this is my youngest daughter, Aria Prescott.” I didn’t even hear my name or notice the hand extending in front of me, until my dear grandmother stomps on my foot. “Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.” I say quickly before sipping again. “Likewise. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” Instead of shaking my hand, he lifts it up to his lips before planting a kiss. This caught my attention making me choke on my drink, and earning a glare from both my father and grandmother. I quickly snatch my hand away from him.

“Are you alright miss? Is something wrong with the drink? I’ll have it taken care of right away.” He tries to take the glass from my grasp. “No! I mean no thank you.” The three are staring me down, making me nervous. “I have to pee. Like really bad. Like peegasm bad. Excuse me.” I say very quickly and high with a charming attitude before walking away with speed. On my way to the bathroom, I grab a bottle of champagne. After ten minutes of searching the empty halls, I still can’t find one fucking bathroom.

Before I can turn the corner, a hand clasps over my mouth and pulls me into a dark space. I let out a voiceless scream and start flailing. “Babe it’s me! JJ!” I recognize the voice and stop flailing. The light turns on giving my eyes no time to adjust. “You scared the shit out of me!” I slap his shoulder and take off my mask. He laughs. “I can see that. What’s with the champagne?” “Oh, I was about to get wasted. Want to join?” I ask popping it open and making a mess. “You had me at wasted.” The two of chuckle. “So, what brings you here Mr. Maybank?” I asked with a horrible British accent. “I couldn’t help but notice my lovely girlfriend walking alone. Thought I keep her company. Plus, I missed her so much.” He mocks my funny accent. “Well, why don’t you give this lovely girlfriend a kiss?” He just chuckles before pulling me close and laying one on me.

“By the way, who’s room is this?” I asked after pulling away. “Rafe Cameron’s. Which reminds me,” He answers with a devilish smirk and leads me to the balcony. I am introduced to a beautiful scene I thought you’d only see in movies. Candles are lit, the sofa is covered in rose petals soft jazz plays in the background, and there’s a beautiful view of the ocean.

“Are you trying to seduce me Mr. Maybank?” I ask, still in trance. “Perhaps, is it working Ms. Prescott?” He lays kisses on my neck which I expand, giving him more access. “Yes.” I sigh and finally find his lips in a passionate and loving kiss. His tongue lips my bottom lip, and I gladly let it slip into my mouth. God, I could kiss him forever.

He pulls away to rip off his clothes. I do the same, kicking off my pesky heels and long dress. My body shivers when a brisk breeze attacks my skin leaving goosebumps, but I don’t care, because I know things about to warm up soon.

A moan escapes my mouth when his bare skin touches mine as we lay on the large outdoor sofa. “I still can’t believe your mine.” He says. “Always have been. Baby, I was made for you.” I declare. This makes him smirk as he removes my panties leaving me completely naked. Instead of immediately plunging in, his mouth attaches to my breast, his tongue swirling around my bud. His hand finds my wet core. “You’re so wet babygirl. Were you as hot and bothered as I was?” He asked looking up at me. “Yes. Baby I want you so bad.” I begin to ramble. “What do you want babygirl?” “I want you inside me! I want you to fuck me till I can’t walk! Please, I want you so bad it hurts!” God, I sound so desperate, but I don’t care. He’s the only person in this world I’d get down on my knees and beg for.

“Don’t worry babygirl. Daddy’s going to make you feel all better.” That name was always a turn on for me, always making me more excited if that was even possible. He teases my drenched pussy with his tip as he watching me writhe under him. “Daddy please. Please fuck me.” I plead once more. He smirks. “That’s a good girl.” A blissful sigh escapes from both of us as he enters me, the two of us finally connected, not an inch of him is left exposed. He stays still for a few seconds, enjoying the silky warmth of my walls that hugs his thick dick so tight. “God, you’re going to be the death of me babygirl.” He says before pulling out, only to shove himself back in.

We don’t even bother to hold back our moans. I just lay back and let the pleasure engulf my every thought. Time is irrelevant as he continues to slam into me, not holding me back, missing the comforting feeling of me being around him. My eyes were glued to the starry night sky above. I can’t help but think how erotic all of this is, as my boyfriend fucks me under the stars. I completely let go as the two of us drown ourselves in this euphoric warmth, until we both fall into pure bliss. I could have sworn I could saw stars in his ocean eyes when I gazed into them. It was then when I realized that I wasn’t lost in the starry sky, I was lost in his blue eyes.

We lay there together listening the wave as JJ smokes his weed. The two of us remain silent as we simply watch the sky. “Do you ever wonder what’s up there?” JJ asked out of the blue. “Where?” His words made no sense to me. “Heaven. What do you think is up there?” I give it some thought before answering. “You.” I answer. His brows furrow in confusion. “What do you mean.” “I mean that if I were to go to heaven, I’d see you. There’s no such thing as heaven if you aren’t there with me.” When I glance over at him, I could’ve sworn I seen tears welling up in his eyes. “Do you mean that?” He questions. “Every word.” He places a soft kiss on my lips. “Aria, I” He’s interrupted by the sound of a door slamming shut. I turn to see who the intruder was.

There stands Jennifer with a face painted in shock. My heart stops for a moment before dropping to my stomach. I quickly cover my naked self with the blanket and quickly grab my dress. “I should’ve known you were hooking up with him, after all you’d open up those legs to anyone, you fucking pogue slut.” She spat and turned to walk away. “Wait!” I ran in front her, the straps on my dress falling, as I blocked the exit. “What are you doing?” I ask desperate for an answer. “To tell mom and dad. I’m curious as to what he would say when I tell him that his youngest daughter is fucking some pogue. JJ Maybank of all people.” Fear started to kick in. What I said next was unplanned. “And I wonder how he’s going to react when he finds out about your pregnancy.” JJ, Jennifer and I all freeze when the threat slipped from my mouth

I can practically see the panic wash over her body as it shakes. “And don’t try to lie to me. I found the test and ultrasound photo. I know all about it, and I won’t hesitate to tell dad.” “Just wait!” She shouts, desperation laced in her voice. “Don’t tell dad or Rafe. At least not now. Please, I’m begging you. They’d kill me.” So Rafe doesn’t know. “You haven’t told Rafe?” I asked astonished, but then again, I wouldn’t either. “No. It’s complicated.” Her lip begins to tremble. I have never seen her so scared or lose her cool. She’s always so calm and collected. “Well uncomplicate it for me.” I demand. A moment of silence takes over the room. JJ looks down at his blunt with a questioning gaze.

“Rafe’s not the father.” She says. “What?!” Both JJ and I exclaim collectively. “Wait, I’m confused. So, who’s the father?” I asked, feeding my curiosity. “Andrew Coleman.” She sighs. “Who the fuck is that?” The name has never crossed paths with me before. “He’s a lawyer. He lives in Boston. I’ve been seeing him for almost three years now.” The news came pouring out of her mouth. Words can’t describe the astonishment that courses through the room. “That’s why you keep going to Boston. To see him.” She doesn’t even respond as I finally connect the pieces. “But what about Rafe?” The question made her snap all of the sudden.

“Who cares?! I hate him! He could go to hell for all I care! I can’t stand him! He deserves to die! After everything he has done to me! He’s a violent and abusive asshole! He beats me, cheats on me with my best friend, and expects me to fuck him! And you know what the worst part is? Everyone thinks he’s some kind of perfect golden boy, but they’re all wrong. He’s the fucking devil and I wish I put a bullet through is head when I had the chance!” Every word that escaped her mouth had rung through my ears. She slides down to the ground as she sobs, her walls finally fall.

“Why didn’t you tell me this Jennifer? Why didn’t you ask for my help sooner?” I ask tears welling in my eyes too. “Because when I told dad that Rafe was abusing me, he called me a lying slut and said he’d kill me if I messed up my relationship with Rafe. He cares more about him than his own daughter, and I’m no better than him. I took out all my anger on you, because I was jealous.” Her confession felt like a punch to my stomach. “Why?” She just looks up at me.

“Because you got to live a life of happiness. With real friends and apparently a boyfriend who doesn’t hit you, while the man I love lives all the way in Boston. I should’ve been a better sister to you, but instead I lashed out at you all the time making your hate me, and for that I’m sorry.” Her words were genuine as she cried. I began to cry too.

“You’re my sister. I could never hate you. You might get on my nerves sometimes, but I could never forget the times you were there for me. Like when you carried me home after I broke my ankle after falling of my bike, or the time you stood up for me when that bully was throwing rocks at me. That’s the real sister I know. I just wish you told me all of this, so I could help you.” She hugs me tight and suddenly. It took me by surprise at first. I can’t remember the last time I shared a hug with my sister.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t deserve to have a sister like you. I treated you so horribly. I just want to make things right. Please forgive me. I can’t live with you never forgiving me.” She sobbed louder. “I forgive you, but I need you to let me do something. Both her and JJ looked at me waiting for what I said. “Let me help you leave the Outer Banks.”

#jj maybank smut #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank fic #jj maybank x oc #obx netflix #lana del rey

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nerianasims · 3 years

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Billboards #1 1965

Under the cut.

Petula Clark – “Downtown” -- January 23, 1965

I love this song to bits. I don't entirely know why. Petula Clark obviously sings it wonderfully. There's that little bell that sometimes chimes in. There's a pattern to the song that makes it feel like Broadway, which is, of course, downtown. It's a fantasy version of a downtown in a big city. One thing I love about fantasy is a sense of place, and that's what this entire song is dedicated to. It's an unusual subject for pop music, and it's great.

The Righteous Brothers – “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” -- February 6, 1965

How does one even talk about this song? It feels somehow eternal. This is Phil Spector's production at its best. But Bill Medley's singing is the point. This song is one of the greats.

Gary Lewis And The Playboys – “This Diamond Ring” -- February 20, 1965

Gary Lewis is Jerry Lewis' son. Unlike his father, he does not consist entirely of annoyance-producing molecules, but the song's not good either. In it, the guy's fiancee dumped him and he's selling the diamond ring. A boring, bland heartbreak song that belongs three years or so back.

The Temptations – “My Girl” -- March 6, 1965

My mom used to sing this song to me when I was a little kid. I think a lot of parents sing this song to their little girls; it's that kind of love song. Yet it's not irritatingly antiseptic. It's about true love. True love can be a lot of things. This song is every superlative you can think of. Brilliant in every aspect.

The Beatles – “Eight Days A Week” -- March 13, 1965

It's a good, but not great, Beatles song. Very fun, with a lot of interesting things musically, like the bassline (as usual) and whatever George Harrison does with his guitar.

The Supremes – “Stop! In The Name Of Love” -- March 27, 1965

Finally, Diana Ross actually sounds kinda pissed off. It's also got more of a rock edge. She's still begging, and not threatening to leave the guy's cheating ass. Yet, though there is no explicit threat, I feel like there is an implied ultimatum here.

Freddie And The Dreamers – “I’m Telling You Now” -- April 10, 1965

It sounds like this guy is exaggerating his English accent. Considering the British Invasion, probably. He cackles like a monkey on acid, which is the only interesting thing about the song, which is otherwise a bland love song. Though the cackle is interesting, that doesn't make it good. It's creepy. I don't like this one.

Wayne Fontana & The Mindbenders – “The Game Of Love” -- April 24, 1965

"The purpose of a man is to love a woman, and the purpose of a woman is to love a man." Whoo boy. Dated. But the song is 55 years old. Attempting to put that aside, the music is good. The lyrics sound pushy, though. Also it gets terribly repetitive at the end. Meh.

Herman’s Hermits – “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got A Lovely Daughter” -- May 1, 1965

Was it once usual for guys to go to their ex-girlfriends' mothers to talk of their heartbreak after the girlfriend dumped them? This song is painfully "look how English I am! You Americans like to throw money at English pop singers, right?" It wears out its welcome quickly.

The Beatles – “Ticket To Ride” -- May 22, 1965

It's interesting how the Beatles seem to have matured five years in one. I can't imagine this group having performed "I Want to Hold Your Hand." The harmonies and rhythms in "Ticket to Ride" are far more complex, the sounds are more varied, and the lyrics are much more mature. His wife/girlfriend is absolutely determined to leave him, and he seems taken by surprise. Yet there are hints he shouldn't have been: "She would never be free when I was around." He goes on, "My baby don't care." Yet underneath there's the suggestion that she simply hasn't got it in her to care any more, because he's exhausted her. Layers of harmony and layers of meaning. It's an intelligent heartbreak song, and those are rare.

The Beach Boys – “Help Me, Rhonda” -- May 29, 1965

I know Brian Wilson was a musical genius but I usually don't like the Beach Boys. It's the lyrics. The narrator was dumped, now he's begging Rhonda to be his rebound. Lucky Rhonda. Then they sing "Help me Rhonda/ Help, help me Rhonda" about five dozen times. Not for me.

The Supremes – “Back In My Arms Again” -- June 12, 1965

Urgh. Don't listen to the Supremes' #1 hits close together. She's got her man back because she stopped listening to her friends' advice. In isolation, there's nothing wrong with that. After all the songs about rotten cheating assholes whom the narrator is desperate to keep, though, it's super uncomfortable. Also using the names of the two backup singers as the friends who give bad advice is in poor taste. And "Flo, she don't know, cuz the boy she loves is a Romeo"? You solely date Romeos! Taken alone, without the context of the other songs, it's good, though I still don't like the strange insult toward the backup singers. Taken with the rest of the Supremes' hits, though, I'm not happy. Especially considering these were all written by men.

The Four Tops – “I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch)” -- June 19, 1965

The Supremes weren't the only people in Motown singing about being hopelessly in love with someone who treated them badly. That's what this song is about. I like it, though the line "I'm weaker than a man should be" is a bit wince-inducing these days. But it's an honest sentiment about how men often feel they're not allowed to be idiots over love, though that's a near-universal human experience. Anyway, good song.

The Byrds – Mr. Tambourine Man -- June 26, 1965

The original version of this song was by Bob Dylan, but the Byrds didn't like it, so they changed the sound and ditched a bunch of the lyrics. The lyrics they were left with don't matter at all. This is all about the music, especially the guitar. It's mellow without being soporific, groovy without requiring drugs to understand. It's nice.

The Rolling Stones – “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” -- July 10, 1965

The Rolling Stones were almost never nice. They went straight for the gut -- or gonads -- found all the nastiest things that people are afraid to say and embarrassed to feel, and hung them up on the front porch. "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" sounds kind of silly today, since it's been played and overplayed so much. But that beginning riff still goes straight to the back-brain.

Two years before, pap like "Hey Paula" was clogging the airwaves. Funnily enough, it's the same subject matter: Goddamn I want to get laid. (The idea that Mick Jagger had trouble getting laid is pretty ridiculous, but anyway.) And then there's the critical bit about hating advertisements. They managed to stick a cultural criticism into a song that's about wanting sex. When you can't get no satisfaction, everything is annoying, and things that were already annoying to begin with start to feel unbearable. The Stones go harder in every way than any #1 before them.

Herman’s Hermits – “I’m Henry VIII, I Am” -- August 7, 1965

And here's the opposite. This song must be meant to be annoying, right? One of my friends and I used to sing it at our parents to drive them nuts, and that was before Ghost. It was their fault for exposing us to it in the first place.

Sonny And Cher – “I Got You Babe” -- August 14, 1965

Cher with Sonny is eternally confusing. Though their marriage didn't last, their love was real, and Cher was heartbroken when Sonny died. But anyway, the song. Sonny saying Cher has a "little hand" is goofy. Actually the whole song is kinda goofy, especially the beat that seems to be made of kazoos. Cher's got this powerful, deep voice, while Sonny has a squeaky little thing, but somehow they mesh. The sentiment is sincere, and a good picture of what it's like to be in a happy relationship. It's good.

The Beatles – “Help!” -- September 4, 1965

John Lennon was only 25 when he sang about being "younger, so much younger than today." But for the Beatles, that could have been two years before. They got so famous so fast and so young, I don't know how any of them lived through it. And that is what this song's about; Lennon called it a "public freak-out." But it's still universal. I love this song, and it helped carry me through some tough times.

Barry McGuire – “Eve Of Destruction” -- September 25, 1965

I remember when I first heard this song on the radio in the car with my mother, I asked her what "Old enough to kill/ But not for voting" meant. That's when I learned people used to not be able to vote until they were 21, though young men could be drafted at 18. I was absolutely stunned, and obviously it stuck with me. When you're a little kid, you tend to think the people in charge are generally fair. Then you find out that's not true at all. That's what this song is about, to me.

The McCoys – “Hang On Sloopy” -- October 2, 1965

Speaking of fair, I'm about to be totally unfair. I hate this fucking song. I had to play it endlessly in middle school band, and then I had to play it AGAIN in high school marching band. And the flute part in the arrangements was the most boring thing that has ever been conceived. I hate this song and I will not be listening to it or thinking about it more than this.

The Beatles – “Yesterday” -- October 9, 1965

Why do people in songs lose their significant others so often because they said something wrong and they don't know what it was? That can't be common. Anyway, this song is beautiful and sad. I'm kind of tired of all the covers of it though.

The Rolling Stones – “Get Off Of My Cloud” -- November 6, 1965

I'm listening to the original mono version of this, and mono sounds very strange these days. I keep wanting to check that my speakers are plugged in. Anyway, thanks to Jagger's marbles-in-mouth singing, I can't understand a word of this song except "Hey! you! get off of my cloud!" and I've never known the lyrics until now. And they're not important. Even the chorus isn't that important. This is all about the beat and the music, neither of which I find interesting for the entire length of the song. Not for me.

The Supremes – “I Hear A Symphony” -- November 20, 1965

A thoroughly happy Supremes song! I think Diana Ross is more suited to happy lovesongs than what she had been singing. She has a lot more emotion in her voice than she has before. The violins are lovely. I love this song.

The Byrds – “Turn! Turn! Turn!” -- December 4, 1965

I have always found this song slightly annoying. The Bible verse set to light pop thing doesn't do it for me. The music isn't anywhere near dramatic enough. This should be operatic, or heavy metal, or something else with serious weight. This is thin.

The Dave Clark Five – “Over And Over” -- December 25, 1965

This song is a bit of a throwback to three or four whole years before. It would have been good then. At this point, it's pretty boring. It's about going to a party he didn't want to go to, hitting on a girl, and getting turned down. The snare drum beat is very repetitive, and so is the melody. A big meh.

BEST OF 1965: "My Girl", with stiff competition. WORST OF 1965: "I'm Telling You Now"

#billboard number ones

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act-addict-actors-matchups · 4 years

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@kawaiiipandaa said,

Hello! I was wondering if I could request a matchup? This is my first time doing this, so please let me know if I'm doing something wrong! ^^; For starters, I'm a Cancer and I'm 157 cm [ 5'2 ]. I suppose you can say my most distinct physical features are my short hair and glasses. Some of my hobbies consist of reading/writing stories, sewing [ just learned last year but I'm pretty proud of the pillows I've crafted ], and occasionally sketching.

I dislike large crowds, most seafood and speaking out loud. Personality-wise, I can be pretty standoffish and aloof upon first meetings. As I grow more comfortable with an individual, I'm known to be easily-embarrassed, somewhat clingy but still very much awkward. I laugh at jokes even when they aren't funny and tend to space out at times. I have a hard time opening up about my feelings, so most say that it's hard to understand me.

I prefer for things to go how I've planned for them to and when they don't, I get anxious.

✧ Thank you so much for requesting a matchup. I literally have no idea when you send this and I’m genuinely sorry for the very long wait. Please look after yourself. I wish you good health and all the best! 💓

I’d match you with: . . .

➜ HOW YOU TWO FIRST MET ; The first time you met Kazunari was via a mutual friend of yours. It really wasn’t that surprising, considering the fact that he is someone who can talk to anyone without any discrimination. And when you guys did meet, there wasn't anything special between you two― you were just his friend’s friend which was also in the same year as him, and he was just your friend’s friend. He would smile at you whenever you were near each other, maybe strike up a conversation and out of politeness, you would give him a small smile back, weirdly enough, that was all and your friend was totally depressed about it. They wanted you guys to be friends too, or maybe more than friends but you don’t know that😌. Sometimes your friend group and his would have lunches together, which wasn't rare but also wasn't common either. And you would occasionally share a laugh and coversation with the others along with Kazunari, but you were always closer with your side of friends. But one day, you've gotten sick but you didn't want to burden and worry your friends because their classes were still ongoing so you had no choice but to try and walk home before you fainted but that day was said to have a rainy weather, and when you were about to leave to the school gates, not caring if you’d get soaked or not, a familiar voice called out for you, running up to you. You were confused, nevertheless stopped yourself as you saw Kazunari’s figure coming closer to you. “Oh, Kazunari.” your hoarse voice was evident, but you tried to clear your throat anyways. “I heard you were sick and you had to go home.” he started off, “Here,” he handed you an umbrella you didn't notice he held on his right hand. “I heard that it was going to rain today and saw that you didn't have an umbrella.” Not going to lie, you wasn’t expecting that. “No i could't i―” "What? Could it be that you are falling for me? I just made your heart flutter, didn’t I?” He asked excitedly, only to receive a blank look from you, the unfamiliar thumping on your chest, butterflies in your stomache being unknown to him. “Sorry, sorry. I just couldn’t pass the opportunity to tease ya you know?” He said with a smile and continued. “Your friends wouldn't be happy since you're already sick, and I still some classes and a spare umbrella. Get well soon ♪.” As you accepted his umbrella, you walked home with nothing but Kazunari wondering in the deepest cevices of your mind that you didn't know existed. After that day, something kinda changed between you guys. Don’t get me wrong, smiling at each other in the hallways were still a thing; but there were a bit newer accompanies, the peach on your cheeks, and the nervousness on both of your nerves. The two of you would have a small chit-chats with each other even if it's just the two of you inside a classroom, occasionally laughing at a joke one of you had up your sleeves. You and Kazunari would hold unusual, and long gazes at each other― the one would also look at the other when they aren't looking, and vice versa. You get the point. It was some time after that kdrama kinda thing that Kazunari invited you to watch him perform at Mankai.

➜ PERSONALITY COMPATIBILITY ; You two compliment each other perfectly! If I had to describe your relationship it would be introverted found its extroverted and I think it’s really cute skdhskdhkdhd. He loves how easily-embarrassed and clingy you are because hello??? he literally finds you the cutest thing ever. I headcanon him as the type of boyfriend who hugs you from behind as soon as he sees you or just closes your eyes with his hands and asks “Guess who, cutie~?”. I wouldn’t worry too much about having hard time opening up about your feelings or being hard to understand. He may not look like it but this boy is perspective. Very perspective. I feel like Kazunari is naturally observant of others' behavior due to being overly concerned about what other people think of him. This helps him notice the tiniest details of others, including their habits and personality. He’s not the type of person who would force you to spill everything inside your head. Instead, he would let you know that no matter what, he’s here to talk. That he’s here for you. After all, he knows how it feel like to not voice the things inside your head because you feel like it would only cause unnecessary trouble for the receiver. Kazunari teaches you that love should be fun and full of joy. There’s no reason that loving someone should be completely serious and perfect; imperfections make love real, they make love unique. His impulsive way of loving you is uniquely him; he loves you deeply, and diving into that pool of bottomless love he has for you from the highest diving board with no lifeguard near sparks more joy in him than should be humanly possible. He falls in love with how fun it is to love— with how fun it is to be in love with you.

➜ SHARED ACTIVITIES ; Since you have a harder time with big crowds than him, who doesn't mind showy spectacles, he usually spends time inside for you because he doesn’t want you to become uncomfortable. But be sure to offer going on outside dates to him from time to time. Both of you are into crafting, so I can imagine you two making masks, drawing together or making collages. You just get together to hang out and decorate your masks. You can both do your own thing or have them based on a theme. Whatever works for both of you. Don’t worry if they turn out horrible, that’s part of the fun. Oh, and Kazunari will make sure to get some photos together after you finish and post them on his social media accounts. Also, you two have a fun drawing game, where one person draws one part, and then the other does the next part. Or if you want a really interesting picture, one person draws until a timer runs out and then the next person goes. Depending on how serious you are taking the game, the finished piece is usually either a masterpiece or something that neither of you can describe. Needless to say, you two get a good laugh on the later. Oh, also I hope you don’t mind PDA because Kazunari likes to show the world your good times. The conversation would never cease as you lay wrapped in his arms. One arm would be slung around your waist, and the other resting beneath your head. Usually cuddling with Kazunari would be playful, more tickling than actually laying around, but sometimes, like a lull in the storm, he would stop talking, choosing instead to bury his nose deep in the crook of your neck. The room would be cast in silence. As you laid beside him though his mind reeled. You were real. You were beside him, a goddess in a mortal world, and you were with him out of every person in this world. Of course you had faults, but they were what made you, you. “I love you.” He would say, breaking the silence of the room, and causing you to startle. He had to tell you though. For all he knew, you would disappear like the dream you seemed to be, when he opened his eyes again.

➜ ZODIAC COMPATIBILITY ; Kazunari’s birthday is on August 1, which makes him a Leo. Cancer and Leo both have a playful attitude and a desire for an epic, enduring romance. These two are neighbors on the zodiac wheel, and depending on the degree of their sun, they share many of the same cosmic energies. They are fun-loving and creative. Leo likes romantic gestures, and Cancer knows how and when to show sincere affection. Both are strongly loyal, even to the point of possessiveness, Cancer for safety’s sake, Leo for the sake of their self-confidence. They are also both committed to a enduring, rewarding connection. Since their desires are similar, a Cancer and a Leo may fill very important voids in each other’s lives. What’s the best aspect of the Cancer-Leo relationship? Their mutual commitment to a sincere relationship. Together this pair can share a supportive, positive and healthy vibe. People see them as a winning combination, and their mutual desire for a secure, loving relationship makes them strive for harmony.

#act! addict! actors!#a3! matchup #kazunari miyoshi

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sprnklersplashes · 4 years

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heart of stone (3/?)

AO3

It’s an hour before Damian leaves. An hour of him hugging her and stroking her hair and her telling him everything she can. They try to spend some time normally, watching vine compilations on Janis’ phone, only it doesn’t feel right. Their laughter is forced and accompanied by a pit in Janis’ stomach, the hard reality staring them in the face. After one video she puts her phone away and Damian holds her tighter, resting his cheek on her head and lacing their fingers together. She lets herself sag against him, revelling in the comfort he gives her even if it can’t make this better. She bites the inside of her cheek as she wonders when the next time they hug like this will be or where they’ll be when it happens.

It’s going to be a long few months.

“You sure you’re okay?” she asks him as they stand at her front door. “With all this?” When his smile doesn’t reach his eyes, that’s when she truly feels the weight of it and it drags her down hard. She’s only seen that expression on his face a grand total of three times, two of which related to unpleasant memories of his father. And now once more, because of her. She bites back an apology.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” he replies half-heartedly before shaking his head. “Who am I kidding? Of course you’re going to be okay. You’re Janis.”

“I am?” she replies, smirking just a little.

“Yeah.” The crack in his voice doesn’t escape her notice. He play-punches her arm. “This cancer’s going to have a tough time trying to beat you.”

“If God wants me gone he’s going to have to come down here himself,” she jokes. Only it doesn’t land with him. His eyes widen, his hand around her wrist in a grip that’s sudden and panicked. It’s an old joke spoken in a new world and she realises that too late. “Sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t-” She grabs his tense shoulder, unsure of what else to do, and tries to be as reassuring as possible. “It’s okay. I’ll be okay, they’ve said I will.”

“I know.” He hugs her once again, crushing her in her grip and stroking her hair, his heartbeat fast against her chest. She wraps her arms around him, cursing at herself.

“Maybe the dark humour will take a backseat for now,” she whispers. He laughs at that at least, even if it’s short lived. He steps away from her just as his mom pulls up outside of her house, beeping her little car horn.

“My mom,” he says, looking from the car to her. “When do I tell her?”

“Whenever you want,” she replies, shrugging. “Not like we’re keeping it a secret.”

“Okay.” He pats her cheek clumsily as she opens the door. Before leaving, he takes one long look back at her, sadness clouding his eyes. She doesn’t let him know that she hates it. “You owe me a calzone when this is all over, Sarkisian.”

“It’s a date,” she jokes, her breath catching in her throat. Through the window in the door, she watches him run across the road, holding up shirt up over his head as the sky starts spitting, and climb into the passenger seat of his mom’s car. Her vision blurs as the car pulls away, her cheeks hot and her jaw clenched.

She doesn’t bother to hide it when she walks into the kitchen. She’s too tired and even if she wasn’t, what’s the point in it?

“Oh, sweetie,” her mom sighs, rushing up to her and pushing her hair out of her eyes. She rubs a hand up and down her arm, her lips rolled into a thin line. “How did he take it?”

“Fine,” she says. “I mean, not fine. But he’s… It’s a lot for him. But he didn’t storm out of the house or accuse me of lying or something messed up like that so I guess…” She trails off, the sentence running away from her. Is there a good way to take news like this? If there is, it would have been nice for her to know yesterday.

“Why don’t I make you something?” her mom asks again. “You want some coffee? Tea? Or one of those little mug-cakes you like so much?”

“I can make it myself,” she tells her, already tempted. She breaks out of her mom’s grasp and starts pulling stuff out the cupboards, the recipe crystal clear in her mind. She turns around, equal parts amused and annoyed at her mom hovering behind her. “I’m not going to burn myself on the microwave, Mom.”

“I know. Just, well, maybe you should be sitting down?”

“I can do it myself,” she repeats, despite her tired legs. She looks over at her again, annoyance beginning to win out. She spoons flour into her mug, white smoke puffing up before her eyes. “I’ll be fine, Mom. Besides I’m the only one who knows how to make them.”

They were Cady’s idea. Over the winter break last year, before it all truly went wrong, she had called Janis about this new recipe she stumbled upon on Pinterest, babbling excitedly about ‘little tiny cakes in mugs, how cute is that, Janis?’. She invited Janis over, insisting on testing out as many different recipes as her microwave would allow. There was something about the sight of Cady with a white handprint on her skirt and flour dusted across her nose like snowflakes that did certain things to Janis’ heart. She can’t be sure, but that might just have been the day she began seeing Cady in a new light and daring to imagine them as something other than friends.

The memory now only makes her heart clench. There are few things Janis loves in the world more than Cady Heron’s smile and nothing hurts her heart like when she’s sad. When her lips touched hers for the first time, she swore she’d never do anything to hurt her. She’s going to be breaking that promise tomorrow, even if it’s through no fault of her own.

She goes up to her room with a mumbled goodnight to her parents and an unexpected, quick hug from her dad. Maybe she should start expecting them, she thinks sadly as she trudges upstairs, one hand around her mug and the other gripping the bannister.

She curls up on her bed, too tired to sit up but too jittery to try to sleep. Besides, the sky is still orange out there and she refuses to go to sleep before the sun does. Despite herself, she feels strangely proud. Cancer or no, her sleep schedule is hers, at least to some extent.

She pulls her laptop over, squinting in its blue light, and opens Tumblr for a while, scrolling through likes and reblogs without any of it registering. She bounces through social media with twitching fingers, closing tabs not five minutes after opening them. Facebook is the worst; little green dots lined up at the side of her screen, each one able to contact her with the press of a key. The last thing she wants right now is a conversation. So she opens Twitter instead and lets the friends be mixed in with the strangers. She’s hidden as long as she doesn’t say anything and she has genuinely no intention to. No likes, no retweets, nothing but a stream of content she can half-focus on in a bid to forget herself.

It works, at least for a while, three jokes or art pieces for every “real person” who crosses her timeline. But her eyes are constantly drawn up to the searchbar against her will and when a post of Cady’s crosses her path, her eyes linger for longer than they should.

“Fuck it,” she mutters, typing her handle into the searchbar and tapping her nail against the mouspad. She’s not as strong as she looks, and recently she’s discovered that she’s really not that strong when it comes to her girlfriend.

Cady’s profile loads up on the screen, her profile picture of her hugging a lion at least putting a smile on her face. Cady rarely uses this, having only gotten it at Regina’s request and preferring to use platforms like Instagram, uncomfortable with Twitter’s character limit. 280 characters is barely enough to capture those beautiful thoughts of hers. But Janis scrolls through them anyway, not quite having realised how much she missed her until now, missed how she talks and thinks and the feel of her hand against hers. Scrolling through her Twitter is a poor substitute for having the real thing.

There’s a post from five days ago, of the two of them sitting in Cady’s backyard, her chin on Janis’ shoulder and Janis’ hand covering hers, the remains of ice cream around Cady’s chin. Cady’s mom had taken that on her daughter’s phone, the two of them lounging in Cady’s garden after she had been showing Janis her peonies.

Janis is almost taken aback by how she looks. She knows how she felt, exceedingly happy, dangerously close to in love and a little intoxicated, but also exhausted. Even though everything felt perfect and all she could ever want, in the back of her mind she was thinking about going home and collapsing into bed. Her skin crawls as she knows why she felt like that. The girl in the photo with the sparkling eyes and beaming smile has cancer. Her body was-is- falling apart bit by bit and she was none the wiser, enjoying summer sunshine and thinking about nothing other than how much she adores her girlfriend. How would she react if she knew that in a few short days, her life would be ruined?

She curses as she wipes away a tear. Hasn’t she cried enough for today?

She opens up a search engine, fear building in her chest, the hair on her arms standing up despite the warm air. She sits and watches the blinking cursor, the only sound in the room being the soft whirring of the laptop and her heavy, deep breathing. She doesn’t want to know, not at all. Knowing will only make it worse. She should just turn this thing off and toss it away before she does something she regrets. That’s what reason says.

She doesn’t listen to reason. Instead she listens to the one part of her brain that won’t shut up.

She types effects of cancer on relationships into the searchbar and closes her eyes tightly. If she can’t see the results, they don’t exist, right?

A high school senior using middle school logic. What’s become of her?

She clinks on the first link, squirming at the images that load in pieces on her screen. Hands clasped over a wooden table, two people looking into each other’s eyes with sincerity and sadness on their features. She’s never been good with emotions like that. Which is why she pushes them away, she supposes. Even the idea of sitting down carefully and Having A Conversation in hushed voices about such delicate, difficult subjects makes her want to vomit. Today was hard enough. Her parents are just lucky she loves them too much to do that.

She scrolls past sections about family and friends until the word ‘partner’ catches her eye and she stops. According to the article “cancer can be a difficult thing for couples to face” (yeah no shit). Little Miss Psychology who wrote the thing goes on to explain that “this can manifest in changing roles in the relationship” which again, no shit. The more she reads the article, the more she feels her time being wasted. There’s nothing she couldn’t already guess and most of it is for married couples with kids. Who’s going to take the kids to school, who’s going to pay the bills, who’s going to make dinner? Nothing that concerns her, nor should it for a long time.

She reads that cancer has a negative effect on their sex lives, and actually laughs. Sex was the last thing on her mind.

Then, near the bottom, it shifts from the practical to the emotional. Miss Psych explains that cancer can often cause “an inability to do leisure activities” and while that should have been obvious to Janis, it screws with her more than a little. Sure, she and Cady have quiet time in one of their rooms, but it’s always balanced by doing something else, trips to the mall or the movies, or going down to the zoo to see Cady’s beloved lions or the museum so Cady can watch Janis get lost in the art world. It’s the being with each other that makes it special, but going out like this keeps everything interesting for both of them. What do they become when that disappears?

With a shuddering breath, she pushes on, reading about how miscommunication can happen in relationships when this happens. Cady trying to keep positive could become dismissals in Janis’ eyes, or Janis keeping a mask up for Cady only leading to them stopping talking. And miscommunication is always the first step, according to Damian. Out of his three relationships two ended because they stopped communication.

And finally, “cancer can be a destabilising force for most relationships”. It’s one of the first things she sees and it’s the last thing she needs to see. There’s a lot she loves about her life now, or at least her life post-Spring Fling, and one of those is how solid it is. Steady friendships, or semi-steady in some cases, and a comfortable romance with Cady. For the first time in a long, long while she was happy without even trying to be.

She closes her eyes and turns onto her side, pressing her hand to her stomach. What must it look like in there now? According to the doctor, her body is producing more white blood cells and they can’t function and then something about her organs. While she should know better, the image of her blood turning white attacks her mind, something like white paint spreading through her veins and attacking her organs, turning them pale and hard and frozen. Maybe once it was done with her body it would bleed through her skin and show on the surface. Her body could become a statue from the inside out. Maybe if she stabbed herself right now, she’d bleed cold and white instead of red.

She shoots up, shaking the image from her head. Her heart is unsettled in her chest but she takes comfort in it, wild and erratic and alive. She pushes all thoughts of what’s happening to her out of her head, trying to replace them with anything else.

Unfortunately for her, the only anything else she can think of is Cady. Her only two options are her debilitating body or her debilitating love life.

Well, it’s not debilitating. Not really. Not yet anyway. Well, except for the fact that she hasn’t texted Cady back in two days. She’s not left her on read, but she’s no doubt left her worried. She’s always worrying, her Cady. Worrying that there’s enough food for everyone or that everyone at her place is having a good time or that her two friend groups will get along.

What will this do to her?

She opens her laptop again, fully aware of how destructive she’s being. But her mind won’t rest and checking the internet is just as good a plan as any. The article is still there when she opens it, the white light making her head hurt. Her stomach hurts more and more as she looks through the web and she’s sure it’s not because of the illness or the hastily-made mug cake.

“Cancer can be incredibly straining on the patient’s relationships,” the article tells her. “Often the patient will find it difficult to be a supportive and loving partner with the toll the illness takes on them.”

That’s the part that really sends her flying. The phone falls from her weak hands as anxiety takes over her body, making her hands shake and her chest tighten. She pushes the laptop away and pulls her legs close to her chest, pressing her forehead into her knees as she counts her breath, in for eight and out for eight.

Dumb as it sounds, she likes being someone’s girlfriend. She likes making people, particularly people she cares about, feel happy and warm and loved. It makes her feel worth something. Despite the front she presents to the world, she cares. She cares for fuck’s sake.

Cady deserves a girlfriend who supports her. One who is devoted to her and makes her life easier. Cady went through a lot last year, she wasn’t innocent in it at all, but she went through a lot. So many times she’s told Janis she’s excited to go back to school this year and just be normal. To study with her and walk to school with her and be her prom date.

‘Last year was like a shark tank,’ she had explained to her as they sat in the park, her head in Janis’ lap. ‘Next year I just want to float.’

The sharks might be gone, but Janis is bringing a whole tsunami.

It isn’t fair. None of it is, her parents have told her as much, but now it’s really not fair. Not to her and not to Cady. After a less than great first year, she deserves a better chance at real school life. She should have a girlfriend escorting her to prom, an old fashioned date-on-your-arm type of affair. They should dance under a glitter ball together while Janis whispers words of affection into her ears.

And then there’s the school side of school. Cady has so many college plans, big and lofty ones that require months and months of work. What will Janis be then? A distraction? Or worse, a burden. She’d never dream of demanding anything from her, but what if she can’t help it? Or if she doesn’t need to because Cady focuses on her anyway? What if she’s the reason Cady doesn’t make it? Her job as Cady’s girlfriend is to be her support system, her rock. If she can’t do that then what’s the point in them being together? Why should she have a girlfriend if she can’t give her everything every day?

It’s only when she finds her toy kitten twisted and wrung in her hands that she realises she’s spiralling.

“Breathe,” she whispers to herself. “Come on, breathe.”

Her mind clears as her heart slows down. Her worries don’t go away, but she can see them more precisely than before. She leans her head back against the wall, letting the air rush out of her. There is a solution to her problem, but it’s not one she likes. She guesses what she wants went out the window when her blood started acting like a dick.

After all, the best way not to hurt Cady with this is to just not be her girlfriend, right?

“You’re a moron,” she sighs, shaking her head. She stretches her arms and starts tugging on her pyjamas, tiredness taking over and dragging her eyelids down. She shuts off her laptop, avoiding even a glimpse at the article, and shoves it under her bed. In the quiet of her dark room, she can hear her parents murmuring downstairs and wonders, probably with good reason, if they’re talking about her. They talk about her a lot more than they used to. Years ago, Janis lay in this same bed listening to the same thing; anxious, inaudible conversations about her between people who thought she was asleep. Only thing is now, it hurts more. Guilt only gets worse with age. She drifts off slowly, her stuffed cat pressed into her chest, one thought coming together in her hazy mind.

She’s already hurt the three most important people with this. Can she really hurt Cady too?

*****

Her room is still dark when she jolts awake. Her eyes sting and she blinks heavily out of tiredness as well as getting used to the darkness. She knows why she’s awake before she even looks down or can feel anything. There’s only one reason she’d have woken up this early.

She switches on the light and finds her legs covered in sweat, small dark splotches on the sheets. Her top clings to her stomach and her hair to her neck, a feeling that’s uncomfortably and frustratingly familiar.

Her clock reads 4:30am. Groaning, she kicks her covers off and stumbles to the bathroom, rubbing at her bleary eyes.

Avoiding her reflection, she holds a cold cloth against her skin, her damp shirt handing over the edge of the bathtub. She can’t help asking herself, what if she had noticed this before? What if she had brought it up to her parents? She had just shrugged it off as nothing before. If she hadn’t, would they have caught it in time? Maybe this would be over sooner, maybe it would have been over already. If she had just paid more attention, she might be happy now.

She makes eye contact with her reflection, and the words ‘stupid girl’ ghost across her mind like the other her had whispered them.

“New level of self-deprecation,” she mutters, running the cloth under the cold faucet. “Blame yourself for… this.”

She settles herself in the bathtub and presses the cloth into her stomach and another to her neck, debating with herself if she should go get some ice from the kitchen. Ever the drama queen. She rubs at her heavy eyes, thankful that she has no plans for tomorrow. All her plans are cancelled for the foreseeable future, but at least there’s the silver lining of letting her sleep for longer. Karen must be rubbing off on her if she’s looking for the good parts now.

She’s almost nodding off in the bathroom, until the door open and her dad calls her name, shocking her awake and nearly giving her a heart attack on top of everything else.

“Dad!” she whispers sharply, stumbling out of the bathroom. Her dad’s eyebrows are shot up his forehead, his mouth hanging open a little as he looks at her with more alertness than she reckons he had a minute ago. He looks from the cloth in her hand to her damp shirt, confusion etched onto his features. “Dad I was just… I started sweating. I just needed to sponge off.”

“Okay,” he replies. “Do you… do you need any-”

“It’s fine.” She drops the cloth in the sink and moves to brush past him. “It’s fine, I’m okay.”

“Woah, woah, Janis,” he says, his fingers curling around her arm and his other hand on her chest. She stops where she is, avoiding his eyes. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

“No,” she answers with a shake of her head. “No I’m okay. I just need to go back to bed.” Her dad nods and brushes her sticky hair away from her face.

“How long as this been going on?”

“I don’t know,” she sighs. “A few weeks, I think. It’s not every night. I think it’s a side effect of the… of you know…”

“Ah,” is all he says. There’s an air of discomfort neither of them can brush off.

“I’m fine, really,” she says, pulling his hand off her as gently as she can. She dares look up at his face for a minute, the two of them feigning composure of the other. “I’m done. You can use it.”

“Do you need anything?” he asks again. “New clothes, some water?”

She shakes her head, even though her throat is painfully dry.

“I can get new PJs in my room,” she tells him instead. “Good night, Dad.”

“Bonne nuit, petite fille,” he whispers in his native French. Although it’s short-lived, she manages a smile.

Back in her room, she pulls off her shorts and tosses them away. She may well run out of pyjama shorts thanks to this. After a second’s thought, she tosses her t-shirt away too and pulls on another one that’s a little too big for her. As she slides into her bed, she wishes her dad hadn’t mentioned water. Even though her throat cracks and she holds back dry coughs, she won’t ask for more than she has.

When she’s half asleep though, her door slowly opens, and when she wakes more minutes later, there’s a full glass on her night stand. It makes her smile, and it lasts longer this time around.

*****

Hours later, she wakes stiff and sore and nowhere near as refreshed as she should be waking this close to noon. As she curls into a ball and presses her face into the pillow, a wave of self-pity crashes into her chest and fills her lungs. Self-pity is probably her least favourite feeling out of all of them. Anger is an old friend and can be righteous and satisfying. She resists sadness more, but at least that can be reflective and healing. What does self-pity do for her? Doesn’t give her an outlet, doesn’t change anything. She just sits there and wallows in it, hating it more and more with each second until the anger wins out and she throws the covers off.

She leaves her phone switched off for as long as she can. She shuns technology entirely except for the TV, looking at the screen blankly with Maxie in her lap. Even her dog seems to know something’s wrong, either with her body or her mind. He presses his head into her stomach and looks up at her, eyes bright and wide and heart-meltingly cute, all the while whimpering quietly, his little paws tickling her stomach. Janis kisses his nose and it makes her feel a little better.

She goes up to her room and starts getting dressed, not wanting to spend the rest of her day in pyjamas. She’ll probably be doing that a lot a few weeks down the line. Possibly a few days down the line, she realises. Her shirt in her hands, she looks over at the calendar on the wall. Tomorrow is circled in red glitter pen and a little skull drawn in the box, ‘senior year’ written in black glitter pen above it. She wrote that weeks ago, end of July or beginning of August, back when it mattered.

The school knows now. Her parents called them up and told her the day after they found out. Janis, against her better judgement, sat against the bannister upstairs and listened in on it. There wasn’t a whole lot to listen to on her end; just a lot of ‘thank you’s and reiterations of what they’d been told in the hospital. What she would have given to have been a fly on the wall on the school’s end though. To hear every word about how sorry they were and the endless support they were offering to Janis and judge how much they meant it. North Shore’s not a bad place, especially since the end of Spring Fling. There are worse schools. But that doesn’t mean she trusts it. Trust is easy to eradicate and hard to win back.

Regardless, they’ll tell everyone tomorrow. They have to. It might be in a special assembly, or during morning announcements. Maybe they’ll take her friends out of class one by one and break the news to them gently. Or just assume they already know. They’d be a quarter right in that case.

Her phone is still dead on her nightstand. She picks it up the way you’d pick up a live grenade and holds it gingerly in both of her hands. Her reflection stretches before her in the screen like a funhouse mirror. She’s not felt quite so afraid of her phone since she was 12, but now she’s not scared of what people would say to her. The opposite really.

She turns it on after an eternity and places it on the floor until it stops buzzing. One message from Damian, asking how she’s feeling and if she wants to hand out, followed by a yellow heart. Three from Cady, one good morning text, one photo of her hamsters and one asking if she’s okay. It’s harsher than anything she’s seen from her before and the worst part is she has a feeling that’s only the beginning. It’s still polite and careful, asking Janis to talk to her “whenever she’s ready”.

That may take a while, Cady.

Her chin rests on her knees, her nails digging into the sides of her legs and her jaw tightly clenched. Her breaths are long and shallow. She’s not exactly a stranger to difficult conversations. Between coming out and telling them about Regina and telling her parents she wants to major in art, she could make a walk of fame of them if she really wanted to. But none were like this. They could all end in good things and they all did. Nothing good could come of this, not for her and certainly not for Cady.

She dials the number slowly, despite having never dialled a number in her life. Like if she takes longer, she’ll get a better idea. Or this will all end if she waits long enough.

Shouldn’t she know better now, she thinks as she presses call.

“Hi!” Cady picks up on the second ring, sounding out of breath, like she’d ran to pick it up. She can almost picture her just from the sound of her voice; brown eyes wide, maybe twirling the ends of her hair. Or sitting on her bed, her hand buried in a pillow and feet anxiously tapping the floor. She hates herself and this isn’t even the worst part. “Um, hey, how are you?”

There’s a tiny spark of warmth in Janis’ chest, in amongst all the fear. She’s missed her voice so much.

“Um, yeah,” she replies, aware she’s not actually answering her. “No I’m-I’m good.” As her mouth runs dry, she starts worrying if she is even able to talk right now. Near silence stretches between them, broken only by Cady shifting on the other line and her parents talking below her. As she tries to find something, the idea of just hanging up and throwing out her phone crosses her mind and she can’t quite dismiss it.

“Did you go to your hospital appointment?” she asks, a calm tone taking over her voice. “How was it?”

“Oh,” is all she can muster up. “It was…” Horrible. The worst day of my life. Ruined my life. I wish it had never happened. I haven’t been happy since. “Fine, I guess.”

“So you found out what was wrong?” she asks. The question forms a rope, tightening around her neck.

“Yeah. It’s not important.” Just slightly life-altering. She lets go of her wrist, shaking out of her cold hand. She flexes her fingers, words coming out of her mouth thoughtlessly. “I need-I need to talk to you.”

“Okay. Should I… should I be worried?”

Yes.

“I don’t know,” she replies. She pushes herself to her feet, legs shaking, and pulls her sweater around herself. She bites hard on the inside of her cheek. Her main priority out of this is Cady not hearing her cry. “Caddy…”

She closes her eyes and mouths a silent apology before continuing.

“Caddy, I think we need to take a break.”

Cady stammers on her end, nonsensical, meaningless sounds that do nothing but fill empty space. Janis bites into her fist as tears begin running down her face. It builds up in her chest instead and it aches. Is this heartbreak? Is this what they mean when they say it? She’d always taken it metaphorically. Turns out it’s literal.

“Take a break?” Cady echoes. “Janis I don’t-what do you mean take a break.”

“I mean-” She takes a deep breath, hoping that the sniffle sounds like allergies. “I mean, we’re going into our senior year, Cady. That’s a lot. You’re looking at math college, I’ve got a lot to do for art school, I think it’s best if we-if we just pause it.”

She can’t hold it back. She puts the phone on the bed, the covers blocking any sound and presses her face into a pillow, letting herself cry into the fabric. It’s not much, just enough to let herself breath again. It doesn’t stop hurting or even hurt any less, but she can speak again.

“Janis? Janis are you still there?” Cady asks, muffled by her covers. “Janis?” She picks it up and throws herself off the bed, walking in a continuous circle.

“Yeah I’m here,” she says, her throat raw. “Sorry Maxie was being a dick.” She crosses her fingers behind her back.

“Janis I just want-I just want to understand,” she says. Her own voice shakes a little and it’s a knife against her ear. She’s probably pacing the room, a frown on her lovely face. Janis slaps herself on the cheek like she can slap the image out of her mind. “Janis we can make this work. Loads of people date in senior year-hell, Karen and Gretchen are. Aaron was a senior year-”

“You’re going to use Regina and Aaron as an example of couple goals?” she snorts, an unkind edge in her voice that tastes vile on her tongue. Hurting Cady is more painful than the cancer will ever be, yet a part of her wonders that if she’s a bitch now, this will end faster.

Thankfully, she still has some integrity.

“That’s different,” Cady huffs. “That’s Regina. You and me… we’re you and me.” There’s a long sigh on the other end and Janis can imagine her rubbing her forehead like when she’s debating a math problem. “Janis lots of couples date in senior year. Rachel Hamilton was still with her girlfriend last year. They’re still together now. And I know-I know you’re worried about stuff, I’m worried about stuff, but if we stay together at least we can-”

“Cady!” She jumps at her own voice. She’s never heard herself as sharp as she was just there. Her voice echoes around her and cuts her skin. She lowers herself onto the bed again, her limbs weak. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Cady assures her. She doesn’t deserve this level of gentle. Not from her. “It’s okay let’s just talk this out. Maybe we could get Damian-”

“No.”

“You’re right. Bad idea,” she says lightly. “Look Janis, we’re all stressed about senior year. But we don’t need to jump to anything yet, right? We can just take it easy and if it gets too much-”

“It’s already too much,” she replies. She’s not lying. Cady just doesn’t know. “Cady I’m sorry but it’s already too much. I can’t deal with a relationship now. It’s- it’s not you.” Her nails dig into her palm. “There’s just too much happening in my life for a girlfriend now. I mean, I didn’t think it would last as long as it did.”

“You didn’t?” And if pain were a sound, it would be Cady’s voice. Breathless and cracking, the two words shaking. If she had punched her right in the face it would have hurt less than what she just said.

Congratulations, Janis. You just did exactly what you wanted to avoid.

“Not like that,” she whispers pathetically. “Just… I think it’s best for both of us if we end it here.”

“Okay.” There’s a finality in that one word, a line drawn under everything they had these past months. Nothing could have prepared Janis for this. “Okay fine. If that’s what you want, then fine. We can end it here. I’ll see you tomorrow then, maybe.”

“Thank you.”

She’s not sure if Cady heard the end of that. The dial tone rings in her ear, loud and unending. She keeps it there because in a weird way it’s like keeping Cady there.

She got what she wanted, didn’t she? After all, why should she be Cady’s girlfriend right now when she can’t be what she needs? This is all for the best, isn’t it? Now Cady can focus on school with minimal distraction and Janis can go through this without dragging more people down with her.

“Fuck that,” she says in a low voice. Her chest rumbles as her breathes suddenly get quicker, her fingers curling inside and out. Fuck that. It’s not what she wanted, not at all. She wanted a senior year with Cady. For her to slap Janis away as she tries to distract her from homework. To greet her with hugs in the mornings and hold hands with her in the afternoon. Her visions fall apart in front of her and roll away, stopping her from building even a daydream to keep her going. Her nails scratch at her scalp as she pulls on her hair, a dull throbbing rising in time with the dial tone’s steady beeping. As she bites down on her cheek, she doesn’t know if she’s imagining the metallic taste in her mouth, if it’s blood or just her own cocktail of anger and shame and grief.

It keeps building inside her, rising like a tidal wave and filling her lungs, her mouth, her ears. Much like the hard conversations, these feelings aren’t new to her, rage and anxiety are long-time companions. Lately she’s started turning to the people around her when she’s feeling like this, heaving learnt the value of a support system, but her parents are busy enough and she can’t face Damian with this and drive a wedge between him and Cady who is incidentally the person she wants to talk to the most but she doesn’t have Cady anymore because she just broke up with her and Cady doesn’t even know why, and all Janis has is that stupid ringing dial tone-

“Oh shut up!” she yells, chucking her phone across the room. It bounces against the wall with an audible ‘thump’ and falls to the floor. At least the ringing stops. She her head hits the mattress, bouncing a little before going still. The ringing from the phone has entered her head instead and has seemingly no intention of leaving no matter how tightly she closes her eyes or how hard she covers her ears. Her nails leave indents on her skin and her fingers tangle in her unbrushed hair.

“Janis?” She doesn’t even hear her door opening above the noise in her head. Her mom hesitates as she enters, unease evident in her hunched shoulders and flitting eyes. “Janis I heard you yelling-”

“I’m fine.” The words are dull and heavy and hold no semblance of truth. She forces herself to look over at her mom. At least her eyes are dry. “I just talked to Cady.”

“Oh, baby,” she sighs sympathetically. The bed sags as she sits down, her hand covering Janis’. “I’m sorry hon. I know that can’t have been easy.” She just nods, a heavy weight pressing into her chest. She doesn’t cry and wonders if she’s used up all her tears in the past two days. Her mom’s hand moves in a small, gentle motion on her shirt; it’s comforting to her and it soothes her frantic mind. So why doesn’t she like it?

“Mom,” she begins. “No offence but I… I just want to be alone.” She can’t miss the sadness in her mom’s eyes no matter how hard she tries. The hand grows slower and lifts from her back. “I’m sorry, just-”

“It’s okay, Jan,” she says, pushing herself up. She stands over her, the picture of the doting mother. “We’re just downstairs if you need anything.”

“Mom.” Janis manages to push herself up by a mere fraction. Her mom halts right where she is, turning around so quickly she should be accompanied by a whooshing sound effect. She also can’t miss how bright her eyes are, ready to attend to whatever Janis needs. “Um… can you pass me my phone? It’s… it’s on the floor there.”

The request is so tiny and not at all suited to her mom’s hyper-focus. Not to mention how weak and pathetic her voice sounds. It doesn’t belong to her body, her towering frame that even cancer can’t take away from her. Her mom nods, smile on face, and hands it over to her.

“I… I threw it across the room,” she admits, gesturing with her chin. “At the wall.”

“That’s okay,” her mom says. Something about the careful tone doesn’t sit right with Janis, but she’s too drained to care. “If it’s broken we can just get you a new one, okay?” Her hair moves against the fabric of the covers as she nods. “See you later, kid.”

When her mom leaves, the door stays open slightly, no doubt on purpose. She doesn’t have the energy to get up and close it.

Tomorrow should have been the first day of her senior year. Instead it’s the first day for everyone but her. They’ll all be preparing for the unknown, but while her friends prepare for SATs and college choices, she’ll be preparing for IVs and blood tests. They won’t want to get out of their beds, and she’ll be confined to hers.

Janis rolls onto her side, her phone laying dark beside her. No new messages, not from Cady or Damian. The former probably doesn’t have anything to say to her and the latter doesn’t know what. He’s been giving her a lot of space since she told him. She runs her finger across the cold glass, gliding smoothly across until it finds something that shouldn’t be there. A ridge that runs against her fingertip. She’s almost certain what this means, and last week she would have been freaking out and throwing curse words around. Now she just sighs and turns on her phone to assess the damage.

Her lockscreen is, of course, a photo of her and Cady, taken by none other than Damian. The two wearing their pyjamas at a sleepover they had at Damian’s, a night of movie-musicals, Cady’s hair in a messy side braid and her head on Janis’ shoulder and Janis pressing a kiss to her head. An hour ago it was the perfect picture, and one of Janis’ favourites. Now there’s cracks running through the screen, small ones at the top poking through her hair and over her eyes, and a longer one that slices between her and Cady. They’re not too bad. Nowhere near bad enough to warrant a new phone. But they’re there and they’re all Janis can see.

#mean girls broadway #mean girls fanfic #cadnis #janis sarkisian #cady heron #damian hubbard #cadnis fanfic #paint by numbers #janis x cady #fic: heart of stone #hey look! some cadnis! actual cadnis! whee!

16 notes · View notes

seriaph · 4 years

Note

valentine fandom asks. do ‘em all for homey stuck

oh dang... ALL of them? here we go!

Your favourite non-canon ship?

probably junedave!

Is there a ship you didn’t like at first but ultimately started shipping?

roxygen def

What is the rarest rare pair (that you ship)?

davepeta/karkat purrhaps? or most of my wlw ship tbh lol. vrisrose, jadevris, jadekan, others...

Name a popular ship you don’t get the appeal of.

g4mk4t. is that still popular actually? i dont rly know tbh

What is your most fluffy + happy ship?

pale davenep maybe? i like da angst factor of my ships

What is your most angsty ship?

rosemary & vrisrezi are both so angsty and i love them so much but rosemary gets the crown for “has caused me to shed the most tears”. dirkjake is also angsty but they can go in their dang corner its rosemary time

A non-canon ship that should be canon?

janeroxycallie make it happen

Your oldest ship; the one you’ve shipped for the longest time?

my very FIRST ship was karezi but i dont ship it as much anymore, but i still do get the Nostalgia Pangs. as for a ship that i currently ship v hard that would be davekat, ive shipped them for 8ish years? and counting! :D junedave would also be up there but i wasnt to wild about it back then, junedave was def v weird in fandom in 2012-2013 lol. i mean so was davekat but june was just so...... meh u kno? like she was not even june anymore, fanon june was horrid

What ship represents the kind of relationship you’d love to have?

i cant think of one! :)

Is there a ship that makes your skin crawl?

*looks at the clown* *forces a smile* but as for a ship i have to see a lot that makes me absolutely uncomfortable? it starts with a stri and ends with an est, i have to filter soooo many tags just to get *most* of it outta my sight haha

What is a character you can only imagine in one particular ship?

this is a tough one! i woulda answered with dirkjake if dirkkat wasnt a thing that i ship now. i’d say jane i guess? with roxycallie. i dont really ship her with anyone else, sorry jasprose

What is your favourite canon ship?

rosemary and davekat

Name a ship that deserved more content.

roxycallie

Is there a ship you feel gets undeserved hate in fandom?

davejadekat got undeserved hate in *canon*. also give eridan ships a chance they dont have to be Like That, keep her away from women tho and im fine

What is the first ship you had?

karezi! i saw someone mention homestuck once and i looked it up and saw some karezi pictures & immediately fell in love with terezi t-the ship yes definitely (i was a repressed gay aksdljgakdslg)

Is there a ship that made you realise something about yourself?

no :)

Is there a type of ship you always go for?

rivals to lovers, or just people who bicker lovingly

Is there a ship the writers have ruined for you?

hey writers? whats up with rosemary? hey writers? hey? okay real talk davejadekat

Is there a ship the fandom has ruined for you?

tavros. just in general. oh and junekat but ive been coming back around to that one recently

Have you ever created fan created content for a ship?

yeah obvs

Favourite thing you’ve ever created for a ship?

one time i drew a picture of rose sleeping in kanayas arms but she was not a pretty sleeper let me tell you

Is there a ship you’ll never admit you have?

i uh... still like karkats shipping chart & the patron ships. junerose, davejade, jadekat, junevris, rosemary(this ones good tho lol), and kinda daverezi but tbh i dont rly ship it that much

Have you ever started shipping a ship because of the fans?

yeah def i depend on fans to see like 99% of ships tbh

What is one scene you want to see happen for all your ships?

kissy

I there a ship you wish you didn’t know existed?

i could live the rest of my life comfortably without ever having seen gamjane

Name a ship that ended like you wanted it to.

:( i guess davekat? they WERE together in homestuck proper, but the epilogues retconned that? and then they got back together in hs2 so i guess thats fine...

Name a ship that deserved better in the end.

rosevriskanrezi

Is there a character you have several ships for?

yes absolutely, im a multishipper at heart. june & karkat are my biggest targets

What is the ship you ignore 98% of canon for?

any ship that involves a dancestor, but leb8ifins definitely. i have to ignore a lot of canon to even like a dancestor tbh. i also like to ignore the epilogues because i still havent read them :)

Is there a ship you like but you dislike the fandom?

i guess gamtav has rights... i just dont like to see what fandom hands me in regards to gamzee and tavros tbh. idk i dont like when theyre baby-ified like theyre assholes let them be assholes lol. two jerks in love bonding over their traumas u kno. plus whenever gamzee dates a person it always ends up bad so its like tavros u ok there buddy... u gonna be good there... i guess gamzee fans ignore a lot of canon tho to like him haha. can relate, i like jane. (oh i didnt mention but sometimes i see really gross stuff? and its usually tied to that ship, so i guess its like a red flag or something even when i see a normal picture because i Remember)

#all that jas #vesperpooled #ask

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lazybirdxd · 5 years

Text

Kaylor: The hidden true timeline

Sometimes reality exceeds our expectations, and oftentimes we are not aware that such reality exists. Until we take a deeper look.

I recently finished reading a (controversial) fanfic by a certain writer (If you’re an old Kaylor you know which fanfic, if you’re new, it’s called “Kaylor: The timeline”) and what stood out for me the most about that fanfic is that it is incredibly accurate in the way it tells the story, a story that is well thought of, it has a chronological coherence and character construction that is very difficult to surpass. The amazing thing about it is not the story in itself, but rather the level of insight it gives about the characters, behavior analysis, recognition of complex emotions and its roots in the characters, as well as a constant foreshadowing of the aesthetics of the coming era (reputation era). I think that because of this complexity and the level of details included, both Karlie and Taylor wrote it. How did I arrive to that conclusion (that many of you older Kaylors also suspect to be true)? -I'll be focusing only on the authorship of the fanfic, if you want me to analyze the story, leave a comment!-

Taylor discussing Karlie’s inability to communicate any uncomfortable situation to Taylor in the 12th chapter of part two.

Well, let’s see. The fanfic has an element of entertainment to it (no, that’s not my strongest argument, but hold on), it’s as if the writer knew which parts of the story to highlight in order for the readers to be engaged with the story from the beginning. But it doesn’t JUST take a good story for a book to be read (or in this case, a Wattpad book), you need to have the right characters in your story for people to feel identified with and represented by them. In essence, the story needs to make sense, needs to remain just a story (that means having the right amount of fantasy and the right amount of truth so that it still feels real), it needs to have complex yet relatable characters that appeal to the essential parts of human nature, and a relatively simple vocabulary (unless your expected audience is very educated) along with descriptive (visual) language, because the public has to imagine the situations the characters are going through, as well as their very environment. Also, your use of your chosen lexicon has to convey all the meaning of your story in its simplicity. I don’t know about you, but these requirements feel like the abilities of a very advanced writer, and not one that just posts random stories that they created in their head after reading a tabloid in the line of the supermarket.

The writer of the fanfic saying he/she had never written anything personal before the fanfic (I cut the screenshot on this one, but I will put the full picture later on)

Anyway, as seen above, our “fanfic” writer claims to have never had any experience at personal writing before this fanfic, which is very suspicious, given the amount of reads that this fanfic has (1.7 Million at the moment of writing this post) as well as the good reviews and people commenting on Wattpad how that is their 4th or 5th time reading the entire fanfic all over again, meaning that for the reads to be this high, the writing has to be at least really good.

I cut the screenshot here, but if you go to the first chapter of the fanfic you’ll see more people commenting similar things.

Now, with regards to the foreshadowing I talked about earlier, the fanfic was written in early 2016, and the reputation era began in late 2017, plus we know Taylor plans her tours and eras one year ahead, therefore she needed to plan the reputation era and tour one year ahead (see section Event promoters), despite her saying in a GMA interview from Lover era that she only plans 6 months in advance (which is just impossible due to recording dates, negotiations, hiring booking agents for the countries she will perform in, meetings to discuss marketing strategies, aesthetics of every era, etc…), therefore by 2016 she had at least some idea of how the 6th era was going to look like. This fanfic weirdly coincides with the aesthetics of reputation long before reputation was released. Hmmm…

This fanfic AU was last updated on February 2016.

“Interesting… Tell me more about this writer”.

Alright. Also, It’s a she and she has a Tumblr account that I took time to carefully read.

Our writer turns out to be a she.

But before I go into really heavy stalking further detail, read this disclaimer: I am no behavioral analysis expert, I do not possess any type of psychology major or minor, I’m not even doing an undergraduate course of psychology, this is me applying all the books I’ve read about human psychology as it is my hobby. I’m a Computer Science student. Having said that, let’s dive right in!

Now, this is what I observed when looking through KaylorFanfiction’s profile:

1. The writer doesn’t share, reblog, post pictures frequently or makes her personal opinion known in topics outside the fanfic(s) or writing in general. (I observed this after spending a significant amount of time scrolling down her blog and just noticing her behavioral patterns).

2. Assertive (short answers to asks on Tumblr).

3. Usually writes in caps to highlight important things (just like Taylor), words or phrases might be uppercase.

If you’re wondering about the numbers, they are questions.

Okay, let’s see Taylor now:

4. The writer is 6 feet tall (like our favorite supermodel).

The link to the questions.

5. The writer is enthusiastic about feedback (like Taylor).

6. Has one female dog named Phoebe Buffay (A pet named after a well-known tv show character.)

Interesting to note that in the second ask, the writer tells that she has only had one puppy, which reminds me of a certain someone who also has only one puppy:

7. Is in college. Or was.

I say was because, although we have pictures of Karlie on her first day of school at NYU, it isn’t completely believable due to a lack of attendance later on if you google “Karlie Kloss attending NYU”, therefore my conclusion is that her proximity to a college environment comes actually from her brother, who truly attended Notre Dame University. An interesting observation that may back my induction is that if you go to KaylorFanfiction’s profile you’ll find that when she talks about college she never specifies which one she’s attending, for that same reason, if it was true that Karlie attended, then she would have no other choice than to be proud of her wife girlfriend through her secret alternative account for her achievements (I mean, it’s NYU, who wouldn’t be proud?). Taylor The writer might have wanted to tell the narrative of a broke college student (the exact opposite of what Taylor is) to go unnoticed on social media, but the quality of the story and the richness of it made it unbelievable that the story came from an inexperienced writer (more on that later on).

In other words, this account was Taylor’s escape bubble where she could talk freely and give her opinions without dealing with the consequences. I was afraid I could be breaking that bubble with this post, but considering that she said she no longer uses the account, I figure that It was safe for me to post this.

8. Has been making connections with literary agents and small publishing presses (as detailed above).

Guess who also makes connections with certain agents and publishing agencies… (See the manager and booking agents)

9. Has a passion for music and wanted to learn how to play guitar on her own as a teenager but stopped.

The full screenshot above, as promised.

Also, doesn’t she being obsessed with music and learning from a young age reminds you of someone else?

Link to the interview.

Link to a compilation of homemade videos of Taylor singing as well as an interview where she says she learned to play the guitar at a young age (minute 1:29).

10. Reads books about music (detailed above) and learns about music in general, from a very young age.

11. Writes original content outside fanfic.

Interesting, given that she never had written something personal before (personal as in of her own making, not as in the fanfic is her life), that makes me question what did she write about before this fanfic? Journalism? But she is obsessed with music, she told us that herself. Could that original content possibly be… songs?

So far we know she is obsessed with music, she discovered she liked to write novels (I’d rather say books) through writing this fanfic, even though she doesn’t read fanfic at all, wonder where she got the inspiration and experience to make it the most read fanfic of that topic on Wattpad if she also never did anything personal, which makes me now believe that by personal she meant her life, because there is no way you can never have done anything of your own creation while having original work. Therefore, the original work she refers to, are songs (as detailed above when saying she wanted to do something with songs). She could have meant anything by saying she wanted to do something with songs, but so far, these are many many coincidences pointing to Taylor the authorship of a particular individual, and as BBC’s Sherlock said: “The universe is rarely so lazy”.

12. The author never reads fanfic stories.

The picture speaks for itself

13. The writer doesn’t like speculation. Compare to Taylor’s 25th birthday tweet.

Interesting…the author is not into speculating, yet she wrote an entire fanfic on a relationship she claims is not real to her. Basically, she ignored the definition of “speculation”.

Thus, if we wanted to make sense of the reasons for her particular fanfic creation writing taking into account that she doesn’t like speculating and that this is just a creative outlet, we would have to assume that what she writes in her story is based on an objective truth, her speech again (not liking speculation) is contradicted by the mere fact that Wattpad is for aspiring writers looking to share their work with the world (usually a fictitious work). So, if our writer doesn’t like speculation, yet creates a “fictional” story on a site dedicated to that purpose, she’s either lying about not liking speculation or she’s hiding the truth in a platform dominated by fiction in the hopes no one will see (through) it. Okay, maybe she’s lying about not liking speculation (after all, people lie all the time), but given the continuous similarities of our writer’s personality with Taylor’s, and the fact that in the universe everything is interconnected, this can’t be a coincidence. But why would Taylor go to such lengths to tell mostly the truth? Well, given Taylor’s character and the way she rose to fame (through what she called “Opening up her diaries for the world to see”) there is an inherent need in her for self-expression, but she can’t express herself freely all the time (remember the behind-the-scenes interview where she’s filming Lover video and she says her life is like a fishbowl) because her career is image-based, and one picture will outspeak any word or explanation she might have. Thus, she might have to go to these or more lengths to truly express herself and her beliefs in order to keep her mental health and creativity flowing.

14. The writer loves to add drama to her writing.

Do I have to remind you of Taylor’s lyrics to Endgame?

“I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me “

15. The writer has an inclination toward social justice (similar to that of Taylor).

And comparing to Taylor…

Also, the fanfic is very very detail-oriented, and the writer said in a note on one of her chapters:

Finally, to top the icing…

Our writer got knee surgery. The very word surgery sounds to me as a lot of stitches being made. Where have I heard about stitches before? Maybe Out Of The Woods can be a good beginning…

“Twenty stitches in a hospital room”

My dissertation is now over. I hope you enjoyed it without thinking I’m going insane, because that’s what I’m thinking right now. Have a good night/day.

#kaylor:the timeline #deep research #kaylor

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kiruuuuu · 5 years

Text

Siege The Valentines 2019 Day 1

Blitz/Rook oneshot in which Rook would like to have sex and Blitz doesn’t. So they compromise and have sex. (Rating E, fluff/humour, explicit smut, some exhibitionism and semi-public sex, ~8.5k words)

Thank you so much to everyone at @dualrainbow for organising this event!! I’m thrilled to participate and look forward to everyone’s contributions :) Please follow @dualrainbow so you don’t miss a day and let writers know if you enjoyed their story! 💕

“You should’ve seen me, I drop kicked one of them down the stairs and actually made him do a flip, a bloody flip, I bet none of you have ever seen anyone do that, it was brilliant! Much cooler than the way I made five of them curse like all hell when I set off one of my babes, and that was already -”

“I think my favourite moment of yours was when you were currently telling me about how much you needed a piss, so much that you considered just dipping out for a second to do it in the middle of a mission and one of the blokes burst into the room. You shrieked like a child, my ears are still ringing.”

Smoke shoots Mute a glare when the younger Brit’s comment earns more laughs than his dramatic exaggeration of the events transpired earlier, but an arm casually slung around his waist placates him instantly. Blitz can only imagine how he feels in his lover’s half-embrace, pressed against a warm body and so obviously claimed in front of everyone – he’d bet it’s nice, has felt a similar sensation before, confidence and affection settling low in his stomach and weighing him down in a good way. A quick glance over to a certain Frenchman assures him that Rook is following a similar tale as well, eyes bright and mouth stretched into a rapt grin while he listens to Maestro. He’s almost cute like this, enthusiastically poses additional questions to allow the Italian to flesh out the story, and Blitz knows what it feels like to have all his attention.

Okay, he��s understating. Rook is adorable. If he could, he’d hug him right now and kiss the tip of his nose. Maybe tell him how happy his entire existence makes him.

“You’re the one babe I never have to set off, you do that all by yourself”, Smoke is grumbling now after Mute once more rained on his boisterous parade, prompting his boyfriend to laugh and his hold to tighten.

They’re loitering outside their hotel – since drinking alcohol in the lobby isn’t permitted, they’ve gathered here to share their post-mission hyperactivity. Their group must make for an intimidating picture, around twenty well-built men and women congregating, sharing cans of beer and raucous laughter, but as long as nobody chases them away, they’ll stay. There’s no alternative really: they’d go insane in their individual rooms, with some of them probably taking apart the furniture due to cabin fever, and going out isn’t preferred either. Because rarely anyone would understand the rush of having saved lives, and they want to ride the high for just a little longer. It won’t be long until exhaustion sets in.

Blitz can feel the tension slowly leaving his muscles but instead of rendering him immobile, it makes him giddy. He barely resisted the urge to join Finka in her spontaneously made up drinking game of having to take a sip whenever any of them curses in their mother tongue (and by now, she and various others are very tipsy) and it’s getting more and more difficult to not just run, tackle someone for a friendly wrestling match or try to scale a building – though the glass façade of their hotel would make this last one impossible without the proper equipment.

“Have I ever told you that you’re fucking awesome at your job?”, Ying addresses Hibana with a reverent expression which speaks not only of her admiration for the other woman but also of the fact that she’s by far the worst of them in holding her liquor.

“Only six times today”, the Japanese woman replies with a both flattered and amused grin. “You’re talking about me saving your life again earlier? It’s becoming a running joke at this point.”

Ying puffs herself up in front of her, almost like a small bird trying to seem more intimidating and stabs her in the collarbone with a finger to emphasise every word coming out of her mouth. “I. Love. Your. Controlled. Explosions.”

“Sounds like she’s setting off a controlled explosion in your panties”, Ash butts in drily and amid the chortles and chuckling, Blitz’ eyes meet Rook’s.

It’s a relatively mild night for the season but even the beers he had don’t really explain the sudden rush of heat overcoming him. Not for the first time does he realise just how gorgeous the other man really is with his dark curls and bright blue eyes, his physique oddly attractive even to someone who preferred softer curves all his life. It probably has to do with almost dying – death puts a lot of things into perspective. Cheeks hot, he offers a warm smile and nearly crushes the can in his hand when it’s reciprocated, so pleased is he, before averting his eyes again. He feels like an open book but would prefer for no one to read him right now.

Maybe he should drink some water to clear his mind a little, guide his restless state towards something more productive. He’s got some bottled water in his hotel room, so he excuses himself from no one in particular as everyone is currently cheering on either Ash or Hibana in their battle of wits while Ying seems a tad confused with the entirety of the universe.

The moon is mirrored in the spottily illuminated glass front of the building and Blitz is so mesmerised by it that he only notices he’s gained a companion when he enters the lobby and Rook slips in with him.

“What are you doing?”, the young man wants to know cheerfully and seems barely capable of containing his excess energy.

“Getting some water. I hate travelling with a hangover and we’re leaving tomorrow.”

“I’ll come with!” The announcement is followed by Rook dancing alongside him, basically running laps around him and bouncing in place as they wait for the elevator. More than ever he reminds Blitz of a puppy. “Did you hear what Maestro said? Apparently Lesion lost the bet with James and now he has to get an undercut, can you imagine how silly he’s going to look, probably almost as bad as the time Gus had to -”

His chatter lulls Blitz in who’s more than happy to let Rook do the talking and simply indulge him, but he was not at all prepared for the tongue which pries his lips open and shoves its way into his mouth as soon as the elevator doors close behind them. He makes a surprised noise and stumbles back yet Rook merely follows him, presses their bodies together and continues ravishing him. Having no other choice, Blitz succumbs and kisses back tentatively, smiling at the desperate sound he earns in return and putting his arms around his lover.

Rook is a needy disaster whenever he feels he’s been neglected for too long and so it’s no surprise when he mumbles: “I haven’t kissed you all day.” His pout is audible but at least he detaches when they arrive on Blitz’ floor, trailing after him with a whine.

“Well, we had a few situations to de-escalate”, Blitz reminds him gently while unlocking his door. “If you want, we can cuddle a bit before going to bed, but you’re sleeping in your own room.” Rook perks up at this and were he really a dog, he’d probably wag his tail at Mach 3 right now. As expected. “That’s not a euphemism. I’ll be too tired for anything else.”

And here comes the ear droop – also as expected. “But -”

He feels bad. He really does, he hates disappointing people and disappointing Rook even more and he’d be lying if he claimed the quick and dirty kiss in the elevator had no effect on him, but… there’s other issues. Unaddressed ones, entirely his own fault, he knows this, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to raise the topic yet. “Come on in and we can make out for now”, he suggests instead and Rook is immediately full of life again.

The room itself is remarkably pleasant even if cramped, the carpet fluffy, the bed just the right kind of hard and the floor to ceiling windows a nice touch. Blitz turns the light on, gives Rook a peck on the lips to appease him for the moment and draws the heavy curtains closed before rummaging around in his backpack for his sparkling water. Rustling behind him causes him to turn around curiously and he’s faced with -

“Julien!”

Rook pauses uncertainly, blinking at him like someone who got caught doing something forbidden yet not sure what exactly. He’s half way in taking off his shirt while his trousers are unbuttoned already, his shoes kicked off to the side and his toes trying to find purchase on the hem of his trouser leg so he can pull it off as well. If his intent hadn’t been crystal clear, he’d look comical. “Is this not what we’re doing?”, he wants to know, sheepish, and once more reminds Blitz of a dog – only this time a mindlessly horny one.

“Making out also wasn’t a euphemism”, he stresses firmly and he knows this look all too well, has received it several times after dates and in the morning and even at work but … he can’t. He can’t give in, no matter how much it pains him to turn down these wide, dejected eyes.

“It’s been so lonnng”, Rook whines and shuffles over to him, listlessly throwing his arms around Blitz and crowding him against the nearest wall. A quick look confirms that yes, there’s no gap in the curtains meaning none of their colleagues still outside can see them, so Blitz relaxes and pulls his boyfriend close to him, finally enjoying a hug that, while being slightly uncomfortable due to the arms digging into his back, feels utterly wonderful. “And you’re always so handsome, it’s not fair. Your helmet hair is cute and when you’re being modest it’s adorable and you know I love it when you drink out of a can wrong.”

The ticklish words grumbled against the exposed skin on the side of his neck make him laugh softly and card his hand through Rook’s silky hair. “You know there’s no wrong way to drink out of a can?”

“There is. And you’ve perfected it just to taunt me. Have I told you that these jeans make your ass look amazing?”

It’s good that Rook can’t see his reddening face – Blitz is weak to heartfelt compliments and he knows he can take Rook’s seriously. “You’re really pent up at this point, hm?” Another pleading whine is enough of an answer. “I can just… take care of you, how about that?”

To his genuine astonishment, Rook declines. “I want to make you feel good too, mon cœur, or else it’s no fun.” He does belatedly accept the offer of making out, however, simply presses their lips together and purrs against Blitz’ mouth. He gives in without hesitation, always does so when they’re alone, whether it’s early in the morning, amidst frantic preparations to go to work, during a film they’re watching or as a prolonged good night kiss. Rook thoroughly enjoys kissing in all circumstances and is slowly winning Blitz over as well, not only with his eagerness but also because he’s excellent at it.

Rook does the thing which always makes his toes curl and he can feel himself melting into the devoted ministrations speaking of an affection he reciprocates wholeheartedly. He’s gotten worryingly attached to this man in a relatively short amount of time, willingly allowed him into his life and doesn’t even object to spending most of their nights together – but there are still some obstacles in the way, moments during which one of them is left staring blankly or unsure of what to say, awkward situations and slight hurt, often mutual. All in all it’s considerably less rocky than most of Blitz’ previous relationships or attempts thereof, and still he’s painfully aware it’s far from perfect. He doesn’t mind though, they’re both putting in the effort to make it work and it shows.

The beer he drank is only a very small part of the reason why Blitz enthusiastically toys with Rook’s tongue as soon as it becomes available: he’s missed this too. Letting himself go isn’t something he’s done often but Rook coaxes him out of his shell with loving touches, understanding reassurances and very uncharacteristic patience every time. The longer they kiss, the steamier it gets, and he really should’ve seen this coming. Rook has… a remarkable libido, as he’s come to realise, and it’s much too easy to allow him to take the lead, especially since he always ensures Blitz gets whatever his heart (or rather his crotch) desires, and why has Blitz been this reluctant again?

He’s drawing a blank now, the wet sounds of their sloppy making out just as distracting as the way Rook subtly grinds against him, full of hope and need. The Frenchman is groaning into Blitz’ mouth, running his tongue over his teeth and simultaneously massaging his ass, always moving, almost writhing against him while he systematically takes apart all of Blitz’ composure. It’s only a kiss, yes, but what a kiss it is – dizzying, with no opportunity to breathe freely, a merciless onslaught of sensation and Blitz feels like he’s seventeen again, snogging his crush for the very first time. His knees are getting weak, his eyelids heavy enough so he never wants to lift them again, and more and more of his focus wanders to his lower half, this one place where he’d like to feel all of Rook, preferably right now.

They’re not even undressed. Rook hasn’t even said anything, and Blitz already is as flustered as if he had three fingers inside and it really has been a while, hasn’t it? It’s not his lack of desire for his boyfriend which held him back, not at all, if anything he’s been exceedingly tense and trying not to keep glancing at Rook whenever he was working out or smiling or having unruly hair or really just there, and this definitely isn’t helping. He’s thinking about it now, Rook over, under, behind, inside him, and he loves it all.

Rook knows what he’s doing, knows how susceptible Blitz is to his kisses and so he’s made use of them as a distraction to sneak his hands under Blitz’ shirt, running them over heated skin as he slowly nibbles and sucks and licks Blitz’ inhibitions out of him. And then, suddenly, he rolls one of his nipples between gentle fingertips. The unexpected spike of pleasure is too much, entirely too much, and Blitz can’t help but moan, just allow this loud noise to escape his throat as if it had any justifiable reason to exist, and simultaneously panics.

“No”, he whispers and twists away from the offending hand, “stop, stop.”

Immediately, Rook pauses and withdraws a little, the troubled look on his face only increasing Blitz’ guilt. “I’m sorry. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, but give me a minute. Okay?” His words come slow, his mind still trying to catch up. Rook nods, visibly trying hard not to let his disappointment show, and rests his forehead on Blitz’ shoulder, pants softly against his collarbone and keeps holding him close. He’s given away by movement further down, his prominent erection straining against his underwear in the exposed triangle between the hem of his t-shirt and his open zip. It’s -

It looks really inviting. It looks like something Blitz needs to touch or even lick and holding back is surprisingly difficult. He pictures himself sinking to his knees and taking care of it, guiding Rook’s tentative thrusts and yes, he could do that, it’d be fine as long as he doesn’t touch himself which is getting harder by the second, pun fully intended.

“Do you want me to -” He kisses soft hair and brushes his knuckles over the rigid shaft, earning a gasp and another twitch. “I can just satisfy you. That’d be okay.”

The aqua blue eyes directed at him are full of defeat. “Why not more, mon cœur? We have the time, and we don’t need to do anything exhausting. Am I doing something wrong? Don’t you like having sex with me anymore?”

Blitz feels his face warming up once more. “It’s the opposite, rather. That’s the problem.” He would prefer not to talk about it at all until he’s found a solution by himself but he supposes he owes Rook at least this much.

Only it looks that all he’s doing for right now is thoroughly confusing him. “You like it too much? What do you mean?”

The words don’t really want to come out right, warped by insecurity and self-consciousness. “It’s… embarrassing.”

“What is?” Rook has momentarily forgotten about their state, tilting his head inquisitively and hell-bent on making Blitz spell it out for him, apparently.

“When we – you know, then I’m…” He makes a meaningful pause, hoping that Rook gets it on his own, but is merely met with more bewilderment. He must be crimson by now. “I’m too loud. Okay? I’m just – it’s awkward. I can’t hold back and I don’t like it.”

Astonishment morphs into complete and utter lack of understanding. “What?”

“It’s embarrassing”, he reiterates to really drive the point home but it seems that this isn’t where Rook’s mind is refusing to cooperate.

“It’s incredibly hot!”, his lover shoots back with passion. “No, really, you have no idea how much it turns me on, I love it. Please don’t even try to hold yourself back, it’s my favourite thing.”

Oh.

“But you’re much quieter.”

“Yeah, so I can hear you better.”

Oh. Blitz ponders this new revelation. He supposes that Rook does indeed let himself go if it’s only him being stimulated, yes, now that he thinks about it. “I just thought it wouldn’t -”

“Wait, is that the reason you didn’t want to have sex recently?” Oops. And there it is.

Sheepishly, he replies: “Maybe?”

“So I didn’t do anything wrong? You still want me to sleep with me? You were just embarrassed because you moaned during sex?”

“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds silly”, Blitz protests weakly but ultimately, he has no leg to stand on. Quite literally, too, because Rook wordlessly picks him up and carries him until the mattress digs into the back of his knees.

“You have no idea how relieved I am”, Rook murmurs into the side of his neck and Blitz belatedly realises that the questions he posed weren’t rhetorical but genuine, he did want to make sure there wasn’t another unaddressed issue between them holding Blitz back. “And how pissed off.”

That’s fair, Blitz thinks. He’s still not wholly comfortable with the idea of giving himself up like this, of allowing Rook to assume total control over his body but he trusts him nonetheless. Knowing that Rook doesn’t mind, quite the opposite, is a reassurance he apparently needed, and so he wraps himself around his boyfriend and mumbles an apology.

“It’s alright, mon cœur, but if you hold yourself back now, I’m gonna fuck you so slowly you’ll end up begging.” And before he can react to this announcement in any way, Rook has shoved him onto the bed already, crawling on top of him and once again claiming his mouth, only this time the goal doesn’t seem to be seducing Blitz but rather silencing him – now that Rook knows there’s technically nothing speaking against them having sex, he’ll be unrelenting.

His mouth is merciless and so are his hands, roaming Blitz’ torso freely, rubbing him into a pleasant daze and lulling him into a false sense of security because it doesn’t stop, none of it, neither the deep kisses nor the fingertips digging into his skin and when Rook rolls his hips against his, he’s surprised at how hard both of them are nonetheless. They move up on the bed, stretching out on it while Rook suckles on his lower lip contentedly, fumbling with Blitz’ buttons.

“Shouldn’t we go back?”, Blitz gasps. “The others -”

It’s a weak excuse and both of them know it, he’s actually amazed Rook even graces him with a reply. “- won’t care, if they even notice at all. Gilles and Dom disappeared a while ago too and no one wondered about them.”

They’re definitely not doing anything like this though, Blitz wants to object but groans instead when a hand dives into his briefs and wraps around his erection. He’s momentarily stunned by how fantastic it feels to have someone else’s hand on his dick, lazily stroking up and down and squeezing the head lightly, prompting another strangled noise from him. The fierce pleasure rushes through him and erodes his sanity in a very familiar way – if he’s going to stop this at all, he has to do it soon.

“I don’t have any lube here”, he pants, desperate and his self-control waning.

The fond, adoring look this earns him makes it brilliantly clear that there really is no escape. “Mon cœur, you can’t honestly think I’d ever be unprepared for spontaneous sex”, Rook tells him gently and pulls a small bottle out of his pocket triumphantly. “Take your clothes off, will you?”

And Blitz admits defeat. He does want this, painfully so, but cringes whenever he lets out a sound he deems too loud regardless. And for some reason he has the impression that Rook is going to enjoy teasing him immensely.

Following Rook’s order turns out more complicated than he thought because the Frenchman chases after every piece of clothing with his lips, peppers any newly exposed skin with ticklish kisses and makes Blitz giggle in the process. Unlike Rook’s previously almost frantic displays of affection, he’s much more playful now, bites at Blitz’ calves until he threatens to throw him off the bed and sucks dark red marks onto his thighs. It’s oddly calming, the uncomfortable tension between them has dissipated and given way to mutual desire and passion which is a relief to Blitz also – he hates nothing more than disappointing people, and repeatedly worming his way out of something he genuinely enjoys were it not for that Small Detail wasn’t easy. Rook really must’ve worried.

“Can I make it up to you somehow?”, he offers while helping his lover out of his clothes, feeling his muscles and strong legs while doing so. He can’t help but admire his body – he’s beautiful with and without clothes, only he doesn’t get to see him naked nearly enough. Their hard work and training indubitably pays off and Rook is the best example with the pronounced muscles adorning him.

“You can moan like a whore for me”, the younger man supplies cheerfully.

“Julien.”

“Have I ever told you that you sound like my old teacher when you do that?” He catches sight of Blitz’ horrified expression and hurries to amend: “No, don’t worry, I like it. You don’t need to stop doing it.”

“You know, somehow that doesn’t make it any better.” Rook chuckles in response while ridding himself of his socks and then takes his usual place between Blitz’ spread legs, beaming at him expectantly. “Isn’t there anything else you’d like to do?” The question is dangerous. He made the mistake of granting Rook a blank cheque before and ended up sobbing into a pillow as he came so hard he got some in his hair, but right now they’re coming down after a tense mission, they don’t have all evening and Rook is missing most of his ‘equipment’ anyway. What’s the worst that could happen?

Rook contemplates the offer for a moment while touching Blitz’ stiff member, massaging the tip gently, then his scrotum, then even further down. It’s distracting despite its absent-minded nature and he finds himself lifting one of his legs to grant better access already. Noticing the subconscious gesture, Rook shoots him a smile and presses against his perineum, repeating the gesture when Blitz bites his lip at the pleasant sensation. “I’d like a certain position and a certain location. Here in this room though, don’t worry.”

Sounds easy enough. If he’s honest, it sounds entirely too easy, but gift horses and so on. Maybe Rook is happy with a little bit of experimentation, and besides, even if he wants to do something like bending Blitz over the desk, it’ll be fine. More than fine. Maybe… maybe he should bring up this suggestion himself at a later point in time. “Alright. I’m okay with that.”

“You’re the best”, Rook announces, full of giddy anticipation, and leans down to engulf the head of Blitz’ cock with his lips.

The sudden gesture makes him jump first and inhale sharply second, not expecting to be encased in moist heat this abruptly, but adapting to it is made easy by a skilled tongue swiping over sensitive flesh. Reflexive protest turns into a content sigh as Rook demonstrates exactly why Blitz allowed him to do this very thing to him at work once – no one cared what they were doing anyway, they were both bored and Rook side-eyed him and the rest is pretty messy history. The Frenchman is not only ridiculously skilled at this though, no, it’s also made better by the mischievous twinkle in his eyes whenever he gazes up to Blitz as well as the brown mane he can hold on to.

He’s serious from the start, allowing the glans to glide over his lips a few times as he bobs his head shallowly, then swallows more, goes deeper with each motion, sucking hard on every upwards pull. Within seconds, Blitz is reduced to a panting mess over the unforgiving stimulation, digging his one heel into the mattress and flexing his toes on both feet, almost shying away from the intense feeling. His breathing turns ragged, irregular, as he alternates between squeezing his eyes shut to focus on the lips tight around him and raptly watching Rook slide up and down like a true professional.

It only gets worse once his lover has snapped the cap open and poured some of the lube he inexplicably carried around with him onto his fingers, because he very practically-oriented doesn’t waste any time before pushing one of them into Blitz and that’s the moment he has to slap a hand over his mouth. Because if he thought Rook couldn’t be any more ruthless, he’s sorely disappointed when a fingertip rubs directly over his sweet spot.

Rook is very versatile concerning a lot of things, not only at work – he adapts easily to those around him and seems to fit in anywhere, and even in bed he’s eager to switch things up now and then, go with the flow, read Blitz’ mood and act accordingly. They’ve had evenings filled with languid kisses, almost lazy orgasms and copious amounts of cuddling, just like they had moments where everything was over and done with in less than five minutes. Right now, Blitz is still vaguely weightless from their earlier collective success and, now that they’ve at least acknowledged his issue, ready for a slow and thorough session.

Unlike Rook. Very unlike Rook, if how he’s currently sucking the life out of Blitz while abusing his prostate in the most wonderful way is any indication. He feels even more vulnerable now, being invaded by a slippery digit and trying to relax into the sensation, yet need is pulling his body taut and hindering him. Having Rook inside him still hasn’t lost its magic, especially not when he’s paying close attention to Blitz’ reactions as he is now, crooking his finger over and over as if he’s beckoning him to come, motioning for him to come closer and closer – and that’s exactly what Blitz is doing, still not allowing himself to make a noise but quickly running out of oxygen.

Distractedly, he notices that he’s almost lifting off the mattress due to the need thrumming through him and, abruptly, it hits him that he really is about to climax. Panicked, he pushes Rook away, nearly tripping over the edge when his cock is released with a wet pop, and is instantly rewarded with a half-lidded gaze and lips shining with spit. Breathing heavily, he gasps: “No more. I’m – I’m almost there.”

There’s an almost malicious glint in Rook’s eyes now. “Try not to come then, I’ll be fucking you regardless”, he responds, quite obviously feeling vengeful and deservedly so. Blitz opens his mouth in protest but merely draws a deep breath when a second finger joins the first, stretching him in preparation. Sinking back into the sheets, he accepts his fate which, admittedly, is more than bearable. He enjoys this part anyway, not only because Rook does but also because his lover, as with many things in this domain, is exceedingly skilful. Despite expecting it to, being entered never hurt and Blitz knows better than to take any credit for it.

Impatiently, he pushes against the fingers, grinds into them and hums at every shock of want hitting him out of nowhere. Without the added stimulation to his dick, it’s manageable, his mind blissfully empty and a dreamy smile on his face as he drifts away on the ebb and flow and then – then Rook swallows him again. Just the head for now, but it doesn’t matter because it feels divine and fantastic and holy shit what is he even doing; Blitz forgets how to breathe for a second, catapulted right back to the edge with how hard Rook is sucking but doesn’t tip over, teeters and looms but doesn’t fall.

It takes him a few moments before he can identify this heavenly sensation: Rook is tonguing the underside of the head, directly over one of Blitz’ most sensitive spots – as he very well knows. Apart from that, he’s not moving, simply rubbing over it again and again, just like with his prostate and it’s obvious what he wants to achieve at this point. But Blitz isn’t giving in. No matter how fucking magnificent it feels, he refuses to let out more than minuscule whimpers, even if Rook keeps this up… which he can, without much effort really. And actually does.

Blitz ends up trembling, trapped between an insistent tongue and deft fingers, both of which have his own hands twitching and overwhelming want taking priority over all. He’s extremely close to just getting rid of the brunet between his legs and jerking himself off but this, too, would be admitting defeat – so he endures, eyes watering, teeth clenched, abs tensing. And Rook seems to be having the time of his life. Even more so when he reaches up, his free hand slowly gliding over Blitz’ hips, his ribs, towards -

All he can do is watch in horror as fingers slowly close on his nipple but something for which he was even less prepared is Rook swallowing him whole as soon as he pinches, and the throaty moan that follows couldn’t have been held back no matter what. “My love”, Blitz whines and hears another strangled noise leave his lips while Rook makes sure he hits the back of his throat on every bob, “please, don’t – Julien – I’m so close. Oh God.” It’s too much, Rook is scissoring his fingers now, pinching harder, moving faster, and he really is just about to orgasm, he can taste it, the tingling starting in his crotch and working its way outwards to his limbs…

And Rook stops again. This time, he ceases all stimulation, withdraws both hands, sits up and licks his lips with a satisfied grin. The air is cool on wet skin and Blitz feels himself throb, feels his hole pulse and has to make an effort to see straight. If, in certain moments, his lover feels a fraction of the ferocious desire currently tugging at Blitz’ limbs, he can’t blame him for being perpetually aroused. Rook is a God and Blitz wants to worship him the only way his brain is allowing him to consider right now.

“Come on”, he pleads quietly, reaching for his boyfriend, “come on, Julien, don’t make me wait.”

The impish smirk transforms into a devoted smile and Rook leans down for a tender but quick kiss. He’s not unaffected, as his rock hard erection betrays him, but he’s certainly more composed than Blitz. “I love you”, he murmurs against his lips before climbing off the mattress, holding out a hand. “Get up. We’re doing it while standing.”

Easier said than done, his legs probably don’t feel like rubber. Blitz crawls to the edge of the mattress and lets Rook help him up, then sways unsteadily in place, much to his boyfriend’s amusement. His lower half is still throbbing viciously, demanding release or at the very least more stimulation, and coherent thought is nigh impossible in this state. Uncomprehending, he watches as Rook turns off the light and then fumbles his way to the large windows, drawing the curtains back and letting pale moonlight in.

“Come here”, he says with a grin and Blitz understands.

“Julien.”

“They can’t see you like this.”

“Julien, no.”

“You promised.”

He did promise. Not explicitly, but he agreed to Rook’s terms and this is apparently what they are: fucking him against a full length window. He should’ve noticed this loophole and is grateful that he at least killed the lights or else all their colleagues outside would’ve gotten mooned by Rook’s really quite marvellous ass. He thinks about it. The façade is dark enough, he certainly couldn’t look into any of the darkened rooms.

As he approaches, face burning, Rook’s outstretched arm curls around his midsection and creates a protective barrier between Blitz’ body and the cool glass in front of him. He’s manoeuvred between Rook and the window, facing the outside, and forces himself not to look down at all the people he knows, instead focuses on Rook pressing himself against his back and kissing his shoulder, heavy erection slipping between his cheeks and rubbing over his quivering ring of muscle which is more than ready to receive it.

“I’ve always wanted to do this”, Rook divulges with a chuckle. “It’s going to be so hot when you shoot against the window, mon cœur.”

None of what he’s saying helps to put Blitz at ease but since his body is still in horny mode, he’s incapable of refusing Rook anything. “This is terrible”, he states and flinches when the tip of his dick touches the cold surface, shoves his hips against Rook’s.

“Just relax. And remember that no one can see you.” In the second it takes Rook to lube up his own cock, Blitz contemplates his life choices but gets rudely interrupted when Rook pushes his legs apart a little further. Knowing what’s about to happen, Blitz shuts his eyes so all his attention is concentrated on the glorious sensation of Rook entering him from behind – the first stretch is mind-numbing and feels endless, but once the head has slipped in, it’s just a matter of filling up his insides; every centimetre pushes more air out of his lungs until Rook bottoms out with a blissful moan. They stay mostly still for a few elating seconds during which Blitz can’t help but reach between his legs, fondle Rook’s balls and make him twitch deep inside repeatedly, something that always sends waves of pleasure rolling through him.

Rook fills him out so perfectly as if they were made for each other but he’s still in a pitiless mood: once Blitz has nodded and thus given him the signal to move, he withdraws almost all the way before slamming back in, repeating the process when it yields another broken sound from Blitz. He loves when Rook does this, when his hard thrusts reach deep but don’t come so fast as to numb his insides with overstimulation – like this, he feels every centimetre sliding in and out keenly, almost stumbles and staggers each time Rook hits his prostate. The angle is unfair, the fact that he has to endure this while standing merciless and Rook’s lustful moans directly into his ear lacking any compassion. He’s going to be ruined.

First, he needs recover his balance, he’s dizzy and only getting worse with every burst of pleasure exploding behind his eyelids, every hard impact, so he steadies himself against the windowpane. The smooth glass is icy to the touch and only reminds him of how scorchingly hot Rook is, how the hands holding on to Blitz’ hips set him ablaze, Rook’s breath on the back of his neck as hot as his body, radiating heat and making Blitz sweat. A particularly vicious thrust hitting all the right spots forces another moan out of him but so far he’s been good, suppressed a lot more… but why is he holding back?

Rook is living out a fantasy of his right now, and he’s making no effort to hide it – already his movements are becoming irregular and the endless stream of noises falling from his lips is unselfconscious. He’s utterly lost in the moment and has no qualms about letting Blitz know, allowing him to hear just how good he feels, how much he’s enjoying himself. He’s so… honest and open.

The moment Blitz moans his lover’s name, Rook almost loses his rhythm. He stumbles a little, obviously surprised, but when Blitz does it again, Rook echoes it with a similar groan of his own. He curses heartily and increases the speed at which he drives into Blitz, simultaneously hugging him tightly so he can’t go as deep but neither of them care. If he could see his reflection, Blitz bets that the other man would be smiling.

It’s astonishingly easy. Once Blitz has gotten accustomed to channelling the intense pleasure into mewls and whines and gasps, it happens all by itself, genuine reactions to Rook’s thorough fucking – and it’s liberating, strangely enough, heightens his lust where before he robbed himself of this, diminished it through his misplaced embarrassment. He feels more naked than before, probably also due to the fake sense of exposure the glass before him gives off, but it’s fine because Rook holds him, a reliable strong body keeping him upright and causing more and more pulsing need. He’s ecstatic.

Wanting more, needing to feel Rook even more sharply, Blitz pushes his hips back once again, changing their stance slightly to break the embrace but allow Rook deeper penetration which turns out to be one of the best ideas he’s ever had. His hands scrabble for purchase against the cool window but find none, so he squishes the side of his face against it instead, every hard thrust dragging his skin against the glass and every breath of his fogging it up yet it’s perfect like this. Rook’s motions are almost frantic now, getting worse whenever Blitz moans a yes or oh fuck and he can’t blame him, he does sound increasingly lewd.

His thighs are shaking by now from the exertion, his body covered in a sheen of sweat and his brain long bidden farewell. All he can do is idly wonder why he ever leaves the Frenchman out of his sight, why he would ever say no to any of his suggestions when he ends up feelings this fucking amazing each time. A hand wraps around his shaft, making him groan and instinctively clench around Rook’s cock, heightening the gratifying sensations with which it graces him.

“Imagine they could actually see you like this”, Rook whispers into his ear and increases the tempo, ramps up the intensity even more, the thought quite obviously exciting him. And Blitz does, he does imagine it, pictures what he looks like right now – rosy cheeks, face flattened and palms uselessly pressed against the window, lower half pushed towards Rook to allow for deep thrusts, swollen cock happily dripping clear liquid as it bobs along to the rhythm at which he’s being entered. He’s fine with showing his boyfriend this side of his since it goes both ways, he’s seen Rook squirming in ecstasy below him before. But he’d rather not share either of these displays with anyone else.

By now, his legs are threatening to give in despite the iron hold around his hips. His pleasure never really declined as he didn’t recover from Rook’s spectacular blow job earlier, and so he’s been high-strung this entire time, the relentless stimulation of his prostate in this position only contributing to the roaring lust. Feeling a fist around his dick now leaves him reeling and he pushes into it mindlessly, moves back and forth between Rook’s hot flesh and his merciful hand promising sweet release, his desire building and building, working towards the crescendo -

Rook plunges deep into him a few times more and he’s gone. He barely stops himself from folding in half at the sudden, concentrated pleasure hitting him and moans with abandon, moans to accompany every motion fucking his orgasm out of him, moans for the way Rook massages his dick, moans at each violent spurt of come shooting out of him and splashing the smooth glass, the only barrier between him and outside. The relief is overwhelming to a point where his vision goes dark for a second and his entire universe consists of pure delight for an impressively long time. He feels like he handed himself over wholly and this is his reward for trusting the man behind him – and it was more than worth it. Panting in disbelief, he rides it out until the pleasure has subsided and given way to thorough contentment, a deep-seated warmth relaxing his muscles.

He opens his eyes to Mute staring up at him from the street.

His heart skips a beat and the unexpected adrenalin rush makes him perk up despite the physical exhaustion. No, he’s not imagining it, Mute is indeed looking up to where he is squished against the window, and so is Smoke. Both of them are grinning like people who just got away with murder – but that’s not even all. Hibana, a few metres away, also gapes up at him, pointing and apparently making the others aware because most of them turn and look and Jesus fucking Christ.

“Julien”, he murmurs urgently, pushing against the glass to move them back, further into the room, away from the freaking window which has betrayed him so. “Julien, please -”

“I’m so close”, his lover mews, his grip tightening. He’s not letting go and he’s not letting Blitz move, holy hell, soon everyone will have seen them, and this is when Mute takes out his phone.

No. Fucking. Way.

“Move, Julien, we have to -” He’s flailing, struggling against his lover who reacts by merely shoving Blitz’ upper half against the cold surface, the shock of it causing him to tense once more and this is apparently what does it for Rook.

Helplessly, Blitz stares down at his smiling colleagues while Rook unloads inside him, their hips flush and his hot breath in Blitz’ hair. It’s not made any better by the fact that he can feel literally every throb with which his lover pumps his sperm into him, he feels it all while shuddering in residual want and keeping up eye contact with people he’s going to have to face again very soon.

He wishes for a swift death. Or maybe immediate exile.

This is the worst.

“Julien, they’re looking at us”, he hisses quietly once Rook has started relaxing against him.

“What?” A short pause. “Oh shit. Oh fuck. I didn’t think -” Finally, fucking finally he allows Blitz to move, withdraws gingerly and takes a step back into the safety of darkness. “I’m so sorry, mon cœur, I didn’t know -”

Blitz is both too much in shock and overcome with mortification to reply, so he mutely watches as Rook hurries to wipe the window clean, draw the curtains shut again and switch the light back on. To his credit, he has the decency to look apologetic as he basically wrings his hands in worry.

“At least they had a nice view?”, the Frenchman offers tentatively and that is it. Blitz is going to have to look for a new job. There’s absolutely no way he’ll ever live this down, let alone be able to look any of them in the eyes again. Ever.

“Are you insane?!”, he shoots back, audibly upset. “They watched me – I can’t believe it. None of them even knew -”

“Well, they know now.” Rook takes his hand and drags him into the bathroom and into the spacious shower, quite obviously to take his mind off of this… horror. “It’s okay, mon cœur.”

“Literally none of this is okay!” He got carried away, agreed to Rook’s terms out of guilt; he should’ve refused instead but at that point it wasn’t his upper brain doing the thinking anymore. He wonders whether anyone is going to put ‘excessive embarrassment’ as his cause of death on his tombstone.

While Rook’s gentle caresses under the warm stream of water help soothe him a little, the growing shit-eating grin does exactly the opposite. “Come on, don’t be so grumpy. You’re going to laugh about it one day. And I know you wanted to tell people yourself, but now we don’t need to hide anymore. Really, it’s a win-win situation.”

Blitz doesn’t think he’ll have any success in trying to make Rook understand that if he was embarrassed about being too loud during sex already, being watched by people whom he personally knows is infinitely worse. Not even affectionate kisses can calm the shame raging inside him and so he at first vehemently protests when Rook suggests they go back outside. “There is no way in hell I can show my face right now, neither my pride nor I would survive that.”

“Look, you fell off the horse, you have to get back on it. Better get it over with now, right?”

He has a point. Blitz doesn’t like admitting it, but his cheery boyfriend is possibly right in this, even if his bright smile is incredibly irritating. Eventually he relents after realising that Rook won’t allow for any peace otherwise, splashes his face with some cold water to hopefully reduce the flaming colour a little and fidgets restlessly in the elevator. He’s so far refrained from telling even his closest friends about Rook, so this must come as a shock to some of them. And he definitely would’ve preferred they hear about it any other way.

Everyone’s attention shifts to them as soon as they step out in front of the hotel and Blitz very nearly turns on his heel to storm back in. Rook has placed a supportive hand on his back, nudging him forwards towards their beaming colleagues.

“There you are!”, Mute greets them excitedly. “Did you two -”

“Yes, we are together!”, Blitz snaps at him, interrupting him with the brusque announcement. “And no, I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Deafening silence.

Buck pauses mid-sip, Ying looks up from where she was dramatically dipping a giggling Hibana, and Maestro seems speechless. Even Maestro doesn’t seem to know what to say.

“Riiight”, Mute replies awkwardly the way someone would react to an entirely uncalled-for slur by a racist grandparent, and Smoke murmurs a quiet and yet perfectly audible: “Weird flex but okay.”

Blitz has no idea what’s going on. Mutely, they all stare each other until Rook tugs at his sleeve and wordlessly points up at the hotel.

There’s an illuminated window, by Blitz’ estimate directly above his own room, and two silhouettes are illuminated in a tight embrace. They are the only thing visible and even then it’s a little difficult to make them out as the windows are tinted.

The windows are fucking tinted.

Not only that, their light was switched off and it seems that everyone was amazed at whatever transpired in the actually lit room, not theirs.

“Well”, Blitz says more to himself than anyone else, because.

Because well.

And then he finally gets why everyone is so thrilled, why people were laughing and smiling, why Mute felt the need to record whatever was happening above their room, in plain sight, very unlike what Rook and he were doing at the time.

“It’s Dom and Gilles, isn’t it?”, Rook wants to know, mirroring everyone else’s exhilaration and earns a few nods.

“They were adorable”, Ying fills him in and nearly drops Hibana, “so awkward around each other but so cute, they kept looking at each other and not knowing what to do with their hands, and a few minutes ago they finally kissed. Took them long enough, but they got there. Now what was that about you and Elias?”

“Nothing”, Blitz hurries to answer. He feels Rook’s gaze on him, remembers how well he reacted to the prospect of their friends knowing about them. “I mean – it’s true. We are together.”

And when Hibana finally hits the ground with an exaggerated shriek, it’s almost like a signal for everyone to go back to whatever it is they were doing previously. It’s as if nothing happened, only now Blitz has one secret less to weigh him down. And Rook is smiling at him as if he hung the stars.

“That didn’t go so badly, did it?”, the Frenchman purrs and snakes his arms around Blitz’ waist, pulling them flush. The urge to fight the casual display of affection is still present but Blitz squashes it without much effort, thinking back to Mute and Smoke leaning into each other as if it was the most natural thing on this world. And… it really is, isn’t it?

“Could’ve been a lot worse”, he agrees and kisses him. A few ‘awww’s erupt behind them and he doesn’t know whether they’re directed at them or maybe Bandit and Montagne who have gone back to kissing as well, but it doesn’t matter. They all know now and it’s certainly the better option compared to knowing everyone watched him get -

“Does this mean I can spend the night in your room?”

Rook is being cheeky and both of them are aware, he often jokingly suggests things despite knowing Blitz will say no, only this time he gets a nod without hesitation. “Yeah. I’d like that.” Rook’s instant joy makes it more than worth it, though it also prompts Blitz to clarify one thing extremely carefully: “But we’re never doing anything like this again.”

#rainbow six siege #blitz #rook #blitz/rook #fanfic #oneshot #I apparently wasn't aware of how fond I actually am of these two #but it was a lot of fun to write #bet you all saw this going a little differently

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chanzicoup · 5 years

Text

A/N: I wrote a lot of this and then my software (*clears throat* Evernote) closed on me without letting me save so it from now on I am using google docs to write everything… I lost so much good material *sad uwu*

Warning: Mentions of previous attack attempts, politics, women’s rights, feminism, plastic surgery

Genre: Smut

Count: 5.0 k

~blake

As a politically outspoken female celebrity in the entertainment industry, you could say you had your work cut out for you. In the beginning of your career, you were known as a high end plastic surgeon's daughter who was trying to make it big as a singer. Quickly you made your way up in the ranks not for your father's money but for your own hard work and abilities you've perfected after ten years of training at your agency. To be clear, your looks were not achieved with the help of your father's tools. You've explained over and over that you were all natural, breasts and ass included in the statements you've given. You've shot down nasty reporters by explaining there was more to you than your body but if they had to know "your secret" that badly, it was a good work out every now and then and love towards yourself is how you kept yourself in shape.

You were used to being a target. Many would think you were asking for it with the little clothing you wore on stage and the form fitting ones you wore in public, your message was that women should be able to wear whatever they wanted without feeling ashamed of. You liked your clothes, but not being the center of attention by every sleazeball that you just so happened to pass while walking on the sidewalk. You thought this was a small price to pay for what you were pulling off. Your fans supported and loved you for that, along with the incredible songs you write and produce yourself. It was one night while making dinner in your apartment that someone threw a brick at your window that would have hit your head if you hadn't bent over to grab a napkin you had dropped. The brick was just a distraction because while you were inspecting the brick a masked man was picking the lock to your front door. It was luck that your security system had alerted the police and the man had been obtained before he could hurt you. Fans found out immediately along with your company and both had begged you to undergo some form of protection for the time being. You refused, not wanting to show that a man had made you afraid. It was stupid, even you could admit that, what if someone else had the same idea and would be successful? You thought it wouldn't happen and stood your ground of not upping security, but that night was the last straw for your father. He refused to let his precious daughter live her life while being at risk. He lost his wife, your mother, when she was giving birth to you and since that day a life was exchanged for another be vowed not to let it go to waste. In that case, he ignored your disagreement and got you a personal bodyguard. One that will stay in your apartment with you and at your side 24/7. You allowed it, but only after your father guilt tripped you with retelling the tale of your mother's life. You've seen photos of her and she looked just like you. That was all you knew of her since your father didn't like telling you things about her when she was alive.

That was how you met Jung Jaehyun.

Jung Jaehyun. A tall man with shoulders as strong as his arms, a stare as poker as a stack of cards, and a vibe so sharp you thought you were going to get a paper cut. It was a warm day when your father brought you to his office, the man who was to now be your knight in shining armor standing at attention in front of his desk, but with the goosebumps travelling across your body you felt as if you were buried under five feet of snow. Many would turn in fear to this mad, but you were the bark to his bite as you two made an odd pair.

The first ten minutes consisted of you sitting in a chair and Jaehyun standing next to you as your father explained the guidelines of the job he was offering. The fact that you and your father were the only ones sitting seemed weird since there was another chair only a few inches away from you, but it didn't seem so out of the ordinary for Mr. Jung, a name you felt obligated to call the older man despite you being his superior, so you didn't question.

What was known by no one was that Jung Jaehyun was a fan of yours.

Jaehyun admired how outspoken you were and your passion for music as well as your political views of women’s rights. His views were on the same page as yours; it was one of the reasons why he became a bodyguard and such a huge fan. He wanted to help keep people safe and didn’t want them to be another headline in the papers. Jaehyun’s original plan was to become a police officer, but after failing the exams he went with being a bodyguard. Much let political backlash in his opinions. He had to keep his impression solid in front of his employers so that no one would find out his admiration. It would be cause for removal of position and that was the last thing Jaehyun wanted.

Therefore, he only shakes your hand after he shakes your father’s. That is to be the first and only time he would be in physical contact with you, it was company policy. It’s customary for bodyguards to escort their bosses everywhere but they are only allowed to hover their arms around their bodies no matter their gender, but it was implemented in the beginning when the female customers were feeling uncomfortable having arms wrapped around them all the time in public. Of course, if the situation calls for it, then the guard may push or pull their boss to safety or out of harm’s way.

He drove you home, as he were to do all day every day from now on. The ride was silent but no one sparked a conversation. You got the feeling that you would only recieve a nod or shake of the head from the man whom was going to be your protector, so you plugged in your earphones and fiddled around with melodies or beats in your head for a new song you may produce. Not much came to mind as you stole quick glances of Mr. Jung’s features.

“If he was more of a talker, we could be friends.” You thought; unknowing that Jaehyun was rattling his mind for things he’d talk to you for hours on end about. He’d ask about upcoming albums or what your next big project was. Or if you didn’t want to talk about work he’s question you on what you thought of the news from this morning. He thought you’d love to watch the news or at least read up on it in the car or while you sit in the chair while stylists groom your hair and do your make-up. The ride ended quickly with both of you occupying your own minds; you with music and he with business he had to tend to. He parked the vehicle and ran over to your side with long strides resulting from his seemingly endless legs, and opened the door for you. You thanked him politely as you began to walk to your door, Mr. Jung hovering not too far away from you.

Being followed, this was a feeling you had been used to somewhat. Fans would follow you at a distance away from you, respecting you enough as to not crowd around you. You wish you could say the same for some idols that are friends of yours. Some of their fans would do anything to touch their clothes or their faces no matter how much security fights them off. But being followed by a man in a dark suit less than a foot away from you, that feeling was brand new. Yes, you felt safe; safer than you imagined you would have. It brought comfort, knowing you had one less thing to worry about.

Your turn to escort came to showing Mr. Jung where his room was, which coincidentally was next to yours. It was the guest room. Walls were the shade of cotton with picture frames of meadows as decor. A queen size bed with white sheets embroidered in pink, yellow, and purple threads making the designs of flowers covered the mattress. A set of oak wood containing a dresser, nightstand, and a desk was the only other furniture excluding the flat screen television hooked up to the wall for entertainment. There was a door next to the closet which led to the small bathroom baring the only necessities a guest may need to stay for nearly a month or so before you would have to restock when their visit was over and they had already left your residence. It was clear you had no time to change the theme to make it more neutral and less…how you hated the word…girly.

“Sorry it’s like this. I normally have my female friends stay here.” You wanted to tell him that he was the only man outside of your family that has ever set foot into your home, but that statement has a double meaning and you couldn’t risk a miscommunication.

“I think it’s lovely. Thank you ma’am.” Mr. Jung said as he set down the bag you hadn’t noticed he was carrying. It was a black duffel filled to the brim. You had assumed it was his clothes and wondered if more was being transported over, but as he pulled out a laptop and multiple chargers, you concluded that he brought over immediate work material and his personal items would arrive at a later date. Before you could ask about his attire, Mr. Jung unpacked a utility belt with many things hooked onto it. Those items being walkie talkies, earpieces, sunglasses, but the one catching your eye being the handgun in its holster.

“Is my life that much at risk so that you have to carry a firearm?” You meant to think to yourself but said aloud. After Mr. Jung gave you a confused stare but realized what you were looking at, he explained himself.

“It’s only for precautionary measures ma’am. It’s rare the guards use their weapons but it has been deemed better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. I can also assure you that you’re life is in good hands.” He’d never let anything happen to you, not on his watch will you even get a splinter.

For some reason you became flustered and desired to change the subject. “Are you hungry? I’ll go cook dinner.” You didn’t give Mr. Jung much of a chance to state his hunger or if he even wanted something to eat in the first place. You ran to your kitchen and pulled out fresh vegetables and thawed meat you were planning on cooking for yourself tonight and saving the left overs to eat again throughout the week. Jaehyun didn’t like having you out of his sight, much like all guard felt with those they were assigned too. He hurried to gather what he needed and he left his room, meaning to properly put his things away when you were asleep.

The way your house was set up, the kitchen, dining and living room were connected and sectioned off with marble counters. Then there was a long hallway that led to the connecting sections of your room, the guest room, and your studio office. Of course, your room and the guest room had a connecting bathroom. Your office was the only room in the apartment that didn’t connect to anything. This was fortunate for Jaehyun because now he can work and keep his eyes on you at all times. In his contract he can not have his clients be out of his view so he’d normally have to wait until then to do his personal affairs or work on his computer. For times that he is unable to work, a rarity for Jaehyun, he would have to have another guard cover for him after receiving permission from his clients and his company executive. Finding coverage is normally harder than getting the job in the first place. Most guards save their covering days for real emergencies that aren’t related to them getting injured or physically being unable to work.

He set his laptop, notebook, and pens on the marble counter with stools set up at them. He opened the notebook to the next blank page, passing many with his scribbled writing of names and numbers he only recognized.

The stools served no purpose until now, you had them just for show. It bothered you having bare spots at the counter you hardly use for meal prepping, but you never had that many visitors so the three stools were purely for the visual aesthetic. You hadn’t expected Mr. Jung to follow you so you distracted yourself with cooking, but you had put on music to help the time pass, which eventually lead to your songs being played on shuffle, and wondered if the music bothered him. Looking over to ask him if he wanted you to turn it down but you saw him absentmindedly murmuring the lyrics of your song that was currently playing.

“Are you a fan?” You brought up casually, making Jaehyun halt immediately. “Normally people come up to me and say they are before asking for autographs or photos.”

Jaehyun yelled at himself mentally and asked how he could’ve made it so obvious. Now he was going to lose his job and his chance to be around you. He tried to explain himself, but in a way that wouldn’t make things harder for himself.

“It’s alright. I won’t tell anyone.” You smiled, reassuring him he didn’t have to worry. You began pan frying the vegetables next to the pan the meat was cooking on. You checked the rice cooker and saw the rice was almost done. Things were fine for now. “Would you like a photo?”

“No, that’s fine ma’am. Thank you for asking.” Again, Jaehyun wanted to smack himself. It was you asking him for a photo, not the other way around. As much as he wanted a picture, he knew it would be wrong professionally.

“What would you have done if you saw me in public? Before you became my bodyguard, I mean.” “And not when you were working.” You added.

“I wouldn’t have come up to you. If you were in public you are just going out and having time to yourself. Who would I have been to disturb that?” Jaehyun replied innocently.

“Which is what I thought you would say. Most people come up to me anyway and bombard me with their phones or things they want me to have. Obviously I’m grateful and do all I can to make them happy, but it becomes too much at some point. You on the other hand deserve a photo at the very least.” You said while bringing your phone out, turning the front camera on and walking over to Mr. Jung. He was flustered, but didn’t reject. He looked up and smiled like a little kid seeing the ice cream truck. You stuck your arm out for a better angle and moved to do the pose you normally do for male fans that treated you with respect.

A kiss on the cheek.

This looked to have been normal to you, so Jaehyun didn’t act out his surprise. But he couldn’t hide it either. His eyes widened and cheeks reddened. He felt his heart flutter in a way it never has before. You asked him for his phone number, so you could send the photo to him. And he gave you his personal number. He told himself it was so his boss doesn’t find out, he’d be fired on the spot, but the truth was that he wanted you to have his personal number for reasons other than for business. A minute later you had to return to tending to the food and Jaehyun’s phone vibrated, notifying him that he had gotten the picture. He set it as his home screen, too nervous that someone would see his lock screen and find out.

From that day forward, Jaehyun and you became closer and closer and he let himself loosen and relax a little bit more over time as he realized he’d only be penalized if you complained to your father or the boss himself. That was unlikely because you enjoyed your time with Jaehyun, you learned. Mr. Jung seemed to be too much of a formality now that you two became close. It’s been Jaehyun to you recently.

When you would go shopping for groceries, you’d ask Jaehyun what he wanted to eat or what foods he wants. He would try to insist that he were to pay for his own food, but you would always say you were treating him. He works hard to keep you safe and buying him food is the least you can do. Eventually it became you guys battle over who gets their card out first. Trips to the cafe are fun too. Most people would mistake them for dates between a young couple. Your fans take photos of you guys all the time, and it’s surprising Jaehyun hasn’t gotten a warning from his higher ups about how close you guys seem. What he didn’t know was that you told them it was fine, and that you still felt safe.

One night you were scheduled to perform at this club on the other side of town. It was your first time in that area but you knew it wasn’t the best place to be around, but you didn’t want to decline the show for that. People aren’t their places. Jaehyun was uneasy but his job was to protect you and he knew that the job would get done right because he was doing it. What he wasn’t expecting was a fire in his chest while watching you perform, another perk of the job: free concerts. You’re music was sexy and so were your outfits. But tonight the stares from the men in the audience bothered Jaehyun to the point that even you noticed his frustration. You understood why, he didn’t like seeing you be uncomfortable. But you knew that there would always be fans like that, and that not all of them are bad so you shouldn’t treat them like so.

The concert ended and you changed into a different outfit to attend the afterparty. Another thing you were forced into doing by your company. The dress was short and the heels were high, but you only had to make an appearance, maybe greet other people here and there. If you saw someone you were friends with you’d chat with them a bit before leaving. You knew Jaehyun didn’t like being there just as much as you did so you aimed to leave whenever you found a chance to.

After drinking your third glass of water so that no one would ask to buy you a drink you had to use the restroom. You told Jaehyun and he followed you through the crowd, making sure no one’s wandering hands got to close. When you two made it to the bathroom you asked Jaehyun to wait while you went in. He nodded and stood in position as you left.

The restrooms of the club were just like the set-up of your house in the sense that they are connected to the dance floor but are sectioned off with long hallways. On the left side was the woman’s and the right side the men’s. It wouldn’t be appropriate for Jaehyun to wait by the girl’s room so he had to wait outside both bathrooms. He kept an eye out for anyone who may look suspicious, as his job required him to, but only other woman went to the restroom and they were clearly a bit too intoxicated to pose much of a threat so there was no worry.

Then a man in a leather jacket, dark sunglasses, and bright pink hair began striding towards the bathrooms. He was a singer from another company, notorious for being a ladies man. He seemed gentle to his fans but everyone in the loop knew he was bad news. No one could even tell the world about his true side due to the fact that his popularity surpassed most ten fold and he’s one of the most powerful celebrities on the market; no one would believe a single word spoken against him. You ranted to Jaehyun about this man some time ago and told him that his stage name is Vince but his real name is Vincent, which he hated for it’s vibe it gave off. Recently in an article of an interview given by Vince, he admitted to being interested in you. His fans were going crazy over it, both good and bad, but you made it clear that you didn’t want anything to do with him privately. He didn’t like being told no and said you’d come around eventually.

Jaehyun stopped Vince before he could enter. “No one is to come beyond this point.”

“It’s a public restroom. Get out of my way.” Vince tried to step past Jaehyun but he wouldn’t let him.

“And it’s my job to make sure no one crosses here.”

“I just saw about three drunk girls stumble their way past you and you didn’t even offer your assistance. Now that a sober man has arrived suddenly it’s an issue? Who’s your supervisor?” Vince clearly wasn’t sober, the stench of alcohol was very pungent. And his anger was rising so that’s another sign. Vince pushed Jaehyun first, but before Jaehyun could act a voice called from behind him.

“I am. Care to speak with me?” Neither of them noticed you’ve arrived since you didn’t make any noise. You had overheard the beginning of their conversation when you were done in the restroom and thought it would be better to see what Jaehyun would do in this situation. It was a surprise that he hadn’t clocked Vince in the jaw the moment he shoved him.

“Miss Y/N, what an honor. Magnificent show tonight. ‘A sight for sore eyes’ you could call it.” Vince winked, causing you to grow more disgusted.

“I’ll be leaving now. Glad you enjoyed the show.” You said sarcastically and rolled your eyes before walking away. Vince grabbed your wrist and in an instant Jaehyun was ripping him away from you and slamming Vince’s body against the wall.

“You are to never place your fucking hands on her again or I swear to god I will pull the gun I have in it’s holster on you so fast you won’t get the chance to see your life flash before your eyes.” You couldn’t hear this, Jaehyun only whispered it into Vince’s ear. Terror covered his vision and Vince feverishly nodded, silently begging to be let go. No one was around, so no scene was cause thankfully. You were shocked to say the least, but something in you liked the way Jaehyun went from sweet to overpowering.

Jaehyun let go of Vince and he ran away, forgetting about the potential one night stands he could have scored in the bathroom. Jaehyun was beyond annoyed and grabbed your hand; something he’s never done before. Even over the loud music playing in the club you could still hear your heart beating in your chest. You looked up at Jaehyun’s face and saw his eyebrows furrowed and jaw clenched. You wondered what he was thinking, since it was hard to tell with him. You squeezed his hand to try and comfort him but he removed it after realizing he was touching you.

“Don’t stop.” You said, linking your arms and fingers with his. You never thought it would feel this good to hold Jaehyun’s hand. How would it feel to have his arms around you in an embrace? Warm, you would assume. But not the physical type of warmth, the kind that raises butterflies to flutter in your stomach and your heart to pound in your ears. That’s how you felt thinking about a hug from your bodyguard, your employee. Wrong yes, but did you stop imagining? Not for a moment.

While Jaehyun brought you to the car he sadly let go of your hand then to go to the drivers side. A hug moved into a cheek kiss, much like the one you innocently gave him before when he was momentarily a fan and not your protector. A cheek kiss escalated into a real one, you would be ashamed if anyone discovered you began to feel wet down there. You cross your legs and pull your shorts down with clenched fists, bringing over Jaehyun’s attention and concern.

“Miss Y/N? Are you alright?” He asked with worry coating his words. ISt took no genius to see that something was on your mind.

“Can you pull over for a minute?” Jaehyun did as you asked swiftly, thinking you were going to be sick and wanted to stop the car to get some air. The moment of silence that came after was unsuspected.

“I something the matter?” Jaehyun asked after he turned the car off to save excess fuel.

“You’re the best, do you know that? My father could not have picked anyone else to do your job.” You began, not knowing where you were planning to go with the conversation. All you knew was that you had to admit what you’ve been holding tightly to yourself or else you’d explode. Before Jaehyun could ask what you had meant, you kept speaking. “I’m sorry that I feel this way but I just wanted you to know that you are the best out there and that if this is going to make you doing your job harder or uncomfortable I completely understand if you ask for a relocation. I’ll be alright if you leave.”

“Why would I leave you?” Jaehyun thought he was being fired and he started racking his brain for things that could have caused you to come to that decision.

“You’d leave because I think I’m falling in love with you.” Like every other man did when you told them your real feelings.

“Think or Know?” Was all he said, as if it were factual.

“Know.” You said truthfully. You kept your eyes on the ground, not daring to meet his eye and watch him reject you. Your heart would break once more.

“You have no idea how long I have wanted to hear those words come from you.” You heard his voice ring, making you look at him with shock. At that moment you felt lips onto yours and a hand cupping your cheek. His lips were soft and tasted like watermelon chapstick. His breath was minty and you would wonder when he had the time to chew a piece of gum or suck on a mint if he hadn’t poked his tongue out to ask for entrance permission. It would be stupid of you to deny something you wanted with all of your being.

It’s a good thing your windows were tinted. Paparazzi would have gotten quite the show if they hadn’t been.

His lips roamed your body before pulling away to move his seat all the way back. “Come here.” He asked, even though his dominance was in the comment his voice was like honey, as if he was a child asking for a puppy. You climbed over and sat on his lap, your chests facing each other. He pulled you for another kiss as your arms began undoing the buttons of his suit and dress shirt. His own hands roamed to your shorts, sliding them off of you with ease. His finger traced your panties, noticing how much you wanted him through the wetness soaking through them. He gripped your hips and pushed you against his thigh. He lifted his leg to increase the pressure against your core, evoking a moan from your throat. He swallowed it gleefully and continued to move you back and forth against his leg. You pulled his hair and watched him bite his lip. You grabbed his hand that he was using to move your body against his and placed it at your core. He Slipped his thumb under the elastic and began flicking your clit, you moved your hips harder against his thigh, feeling the pit of your stomach tightening. Jaehyun pulled his head into your neck and placed butterfly kisses all over. He knew you were close by how your eyes squinted shut and hips bucked faster. He knew he couldn’t be parked her much longer, it was the side of the road for crying out loud, but if he could please you that was enough for him.

Sure enough, right before your orgasm, Jaehyun saw red and blue lights in his rear view mirror.

“Fuck.” He cursed, gliding you off and putting his jacket on your legs, covering your panties. He quickly fixed his shirt and his hair before the officer knocked on his window. After the two of you took a few breaths, Jaehyun rolled the window down.

“Good evening, officer.” Jaehyun said with his million dollar smile.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t touching yourself under his coat. All you could think was Jaehyun better get rid of this cop soon or else you may not be able to wait any longer.

#kpop #nct #kpop smut #nct smut #kpop reaction #kpop imagine #kpop scenario #nct imagine #nct reaction #nct scenario

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chloeywoey · 5 years

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hi everyone! i’m jay (24, est, she / her) and i’m so excited to be here! this is chloe, my social media obsessed darling who’s faker than a three dollar bill but a good person at heart. underneath the cut is an obnoxiously long intro. i’ll be around tonight to plot, and i’ve got a three day weekend so i’m super pumped to get some good connections going and get active on the dash :)))

BASICS

full name: chloe ann lautsch age: twenty-one birthday & star sign: february 6th, aquarius birthplace: festus, missouri sexuality: heterosexual gender identity & pronouns: cis female, she / her housing: audax occupation: social media influencer + traits: progressive, business-savvy, independent, imaginative, go-getting, determined, kind-hearted, take-charge - traits: inauthentic, dishonest, ashamed of her past, perfectionist, performative, untruthful, closed-off song: sampaguita by navvi

BACKGROUND

— chloe was born in missouri to a mother that was pretty much useless as a parent. her mother, deb, was a bar fly who would go home with almost any man who’d so much as buy her a drink. she inevitably ended up pregnant with chloe, but was woefully unprepared for motherhood. this led to chloe growing up without much structure, forced to be independent. the home was dysfunctional, as the only thing worse than deb’s parenting skills was her taste in men. chloe often found herself having to bandage up her mother’s wounds or with wounds of her own after drunken altercations. — all things considered, chloe did well in school. though socially, she struggled. it was hard making friends when she couldn’t invite them over without fear they’d walk in and find her mother passed out on the couch. or when people made fun of her due to rumors about her mother. chloe never had much money or nice things in general. and though this made it harder to fit in, it also instilled a fiery work ethic in her. by sixteen she was working two jobs, trying to study for her algebra tests while manning a mcdonald’s drive through or babysitting local kids. — with everything going on in her life, chloe barely had time to breathe, let alone eat or sleep. with exhaustion taking its toll and SATs coming up, she began buying adderall to help her get through long days and nights. later, her mother began dating a scummy dealer and chloe would steal from his stash, developing a cocaine habit. but chloe was always good at making herself and her life look like something it wasn’t. she mostly did it on social media, after finally saving up enough to buy an iphone. — at age seventeen, chloe petitioned for early graduation. and with her teachers basically clamouring over themselves to write her letters of recommendation, she was set for college. however, she had no idea what she wanted to do. her instagram had developed a surprisingly decent following for a girl from bumfuck missouri, mostly due to her seemingly “perfect” life. she loved the internet. her instagram followers didn’t know that she lived in a trailer or that her mom was a falling-down drunk. unlike her small town where reputation preceded people, on the internet, people only knew what she wanted them to know. she could make her life be anything. she could reinvent herself. so she’d put together cute outfits, not letting her followers know everything she wore she scoured for at goodwill. or take a carefree selfie, everyone unaware that just an hour before she’d been sobbing due to being pushed over an end table by her mother’s boyfriend. or she’d post food pictures, not saying how she had to drive 45 minutes just to get to the local whole foods and spent her entire paycheck on five items. she was incredibly talented at polishing the turd that was her life and making herself seem like a cool “it-girl” that others would want to be. — in two years, chloe capitalized on her love for social media by starting a YouTube channel and turning her instagram into an aesthetic wet dream. currently, she has 375k instagram followers, 120k YouTube subscribers and an ebook published. she’s reinvented herself as a vegan lifestyle blogger. her aesthetic is cute cafes and green juices, smoothie bowls, selfies, bikini shots, sponsored outfit posts...the usual cringe. — she moved to new york at eighteen. and with the city at her disposal, it became easier to live the lifestyle she had to try so hard to fake back in rural missouri. her pages grew to what they are today during her stay in new york, after which she applied to lockwood at age nineteen to study social media marketing. — however, all that glitters is not gold. chloe isn’t exactly honest with her followers. for example, her skinny body - which she attributes to yoga and veganism - is mostly due to her cocaine addiction which got worse while in new york. she rarely eats. she’s promoting a healthy lifestyle, posting self love quotes and publishing a vegan recipe ebook yet snorting cocaine and stress smoking cigarettes. she’s practically telling people “if you follow my diet, you can look like me”, meanwhile she doesn’t even follow her own diet. she often pretends to use products just to get ad revenue. or buys something, does something or goes somewhere just for a picture opportunity. like posing with a plate of pasta just to throw it away after. so even though she portrays herself as perfect, she’s far from it.

PERSONALITY

— chloe is obsessed with portraying her life as perfection. she’s borderline neurotic about it. she barely sees herself as a person anymore, but instead as a brand...as something to be marketed and for public consumption. social media is her career and it’s what pulled her out of poverty. it’s her only source of income, and the fear of going back to working retail and struggling between multiple jobs is always one hanging over chloe’s head. she’s absolutely not a rich kid who had everything handed to her, though you’d never know it because she refuses to talk about her past, going so far as to say her parents are dead and lie about where she’s from. — she’s definitely fraudulent, and there’s no excusing that. she perpetuates an unattainable perfect life to her followers, which is one of the biggest issues with social media. however, she doesn’t do it out of spite or a desire to deceive, but rather she almost feels as though if her life looks perfect, her real problems don’t exist. — chloe is a go-getter and takes initiative in her endeavors. she’s very business savvy, though that doesn’t mean she’s always been. when first coming to new york and growing her brand, she did do some things that made her uncomfortable. she took advice from predatory people under the guise of caring and only through that, she learned to advocate for herself. it also put another nail in the coffin of her ability to trust others. she’s busy and has little time for bullshit. that coupled with her trust issues lead to most of her relationships not working out well. she also fears abandonment and opening up to people, as she’s ashamed of her past and her imperfections. — if she had a reputation around campus, it’d probably be as little miss perfect, which is a persona that can be grating. she’s generally sweet, though can be blunt and bold. she’s definitely outspoken about things she believes in and can be found handing out flyers to get more vegan options in the dining hall or standing up to a misogynistic frat boy at a kegger. but she’s also performative, not feeling real unless people are watching. doing things to be perceived a certain way instead of just being authentic.

CONNECTIONS

— a genuine friend. someone she can just be herself around. — ex boyfriend(s). she tends to put herself and her career first. she also is obsessed with perfection and most likely trotted her boyfriend and her relationship out on her social media, wanting him to play along with her little games. most of her relationships, therefore, feel inauthentic. — boyfriend or bff for “clout” (i hate that word asdjkdjdl). basically a fake relationship or friendship just to get insta likes lol. fun spin on a fake dating plot. or a frenemies thing, like they don’t actually like each other but pretend to. — enemies. i’m sure she gets on people’s nerves by pretending to be little miss “i do pilates and drink celery juice and shove veganism down everyone’s throats”. — hookups and no strings attached things — her drug dealer, since she’s still very much addicted to cocaine — anything and everything else! <3

#lw:intro #drugs tw #abuse tw #death mention tw #addiction tw #fingers crossed this formatting isn't a hot mess!!!

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littledreamybeth · 6 years

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Can you feel my love?

I usually didn’t plan to write anything for a while but then this concept popped up :D Hope you enjoy it! Please, leave feedbacks behind! It’s not that difficult to write one little sentence. Tell me if you liked it or not, that’s already enough for me :) Thx <3 (both pictures are not mine!!!)

Nothing better could ever describe the feeling of coming home to the person you love the most and letting yourself being wrapped in their arms, drowning yourself in the warmth of their body after a long day at work.

Once Harry unlocks his front door and steps into the safety and security of his apartment, he lets out a relieved sigh. Spotting his girlfriend sitting cosily on his couch, wearing one of his sweaters and munching on a crisp from the package in her hand while watching another episode of Friends, a smile makes its way on his lips. Throughout the day he has missed her so much. His day has started by waking up early in the morning and not being able to say goodbye to his love who still was sleeping by that time he had to leave to the studio, staying there till the late hours of the day. Of course, Harry couldn’t bring himself to wake her up- she looks very cute when she sleeps- so he let her dwell longer in the land of dreams, giving her a kiss on her forehead before he went off.

“Welcome back!” He hears her voice calling from the living room.

Striping off his boots from his feet, he strolls to his girlfriend who still has her eyes glued on the TV screen. With an exhausted sigh, he lets himself falling smoothly onto her body, being already awaited by the longing arms of Y/N. She catches him and presses his head gently against her chest.

“Hey, love,” Harry mumbles, enjoying the sensation that her fingers leave behind when they brush through the long strands of his hair. He hums contently, burying his face closer into her chest. The soft beating of her heart hitting his ear is enough to lull him to sleep.

“How was work?” Y/N inquires.

“Tiring. Had a meeting in which we settled the tour days, interviews and stuff. Sat in this conversation hall for hours.”

“Awww, my poor baby,” Y/N remarks with a giggle.

“The boys say hello. Niall’s invited us for barbecue for some time. Thinks we all need to get together before tour starts again. Would be lovely to hang out, I think.”

“It definitely would. I have some leftovers in the fridge and if you’d like I can warm them up.”

Harry shakes his head. “Had something to eat already. Went out with ma pals once I finally got out of that hell of studio.”

“Drama queen.”

Harry lifts up his head and rolls his eyes at her. “What were you up to all day? Sorry I couldn’t text you that much. Like I’ve said, I was trapped between those four walls.”

“It’s okay,“ Y/N says, petting his hair. “Nothing much actually. I’ve gone shopping with Ella and we had lunch together at some restaurant. Came back home and haven’t left the couch since.”

Y/N has been busy with college and studying that she had no chance to relax properly. Now that she has finally finished all her exams, she thought she rewarded herself with a lazy afternoon on the couch while watching her favourite series.

She earns a nod from him. “Missed you...”

“I missed you too, Harry.” Her lips meet his forehead. She feels his body getting heavier on hers and notices that he’s at the verge of falling asleep on her. Not that she would ever complain, she actually loves to watch him a lot when he sleeps but Harry seems so tired and fatigued from his day, it would be better for him to go to bed right now.

Before she can address her thoughts to him, Harry gets up and kisses her lips gently.

“I’m off to bed, love,“ he informs her. “Don’t stay awake for long, okay?”

“Will do. Let me just watch this episode and then I’ll join you.”

She watches him passing the corner of the hall and after turning left he’s out of her sight.

Not an hour later, she silently opens the door to their bedroom, only to catch her angel lying in between the comfy white sheets of their bed.

(Note: Imagine Harry with long hair)

Her hear melts to the sight. Every day she falls more in love with this man and there are even times in which she really questions if he’s real or just a product of her imagination. But he’s real than a human could ever be. He’s a blessing to this world, she’s figured this out long time ago.

She strips out of her clothes and slips next to Harry.

His hair is sprawled all across the pillow, even masking a little bit of his face and soft snores escape his slightly open lips. What a true honour it is to witness him in this vulnerable state. After one year of dating, Y/N still can’t believe that the Harry Styles from One Direction has chosen to love her, and only her. She’s no one famous with no special reputation, just a normal girl from London but with a personality as golden and pure as it ever could be- enough to attract Harry’s attention.

She brushes his curls from his face and observes his features. Her heart doing flips while she watches him.

“My sleeping beauty,” she whispers softly in his ear. Harry doesn’t stiff at all. He sleeps hard like a stone. One of her hand glides around his bare stomach, tightening its hold on him while her other hand caresses his messy hair. Her face bents forward, letting her lips meeting the base of his jaw where she puckers tiny little kisses on the soft skin.

“I love you so much,” she tells him. She really loves to murmur sweet nothings in his ear while he sleeps. By this way, she often gets the courage to tell him unspeakable things which she would never say to him out of embarrassment even though there is nothing she has to feel uncomfortable about. What she doesn’t know is that Harry sometimes-if he isn’t tired enough- pretends to be falling asleep just because he absolutely adores listening to the wonderful things she says that build him up.

Harry mostly radiates self-confidence but even he has his insecurities as well.

“You’ve worked so hard on your dreams and I’m so proud how far you’ve come. Despite all the media attacks, all the fame and all the stress you go through every day, you still manage to keep your feet on the ground and I really admire that. I love how you try to make people happy, I love how you try to make up your time for sick children and teenagers only to put a smile on their faces. I love how you try to make their wishes to meet you come true. You support so many communities and charities, Harry, people like you rarely exist in this world. They try to break you but you reach out to them with kindness. You have such a large fan base that’s got your back, even elder people do like you Harry, I really adore this. I recently saw a post on Instagram in which a girl describes how much her father likes you and your music and I kind of had to laugh about it. It’s adorable.”

She nuzzles her face on his shoulder blade. “I love your freaky side, the way you try to entertain people and make them laugh. I love your serious side and how you always put the ones you love first, also when it comes to their safety. But I also love your vulnerable side, you may think that it’s not normal for men to cry but it is. It is okay to feel down at times. We’re all human beings. Even Harry Styles.”

Kissing the skin of his shoulder, she continues.

“Thank you for everything you do for me. I’ve never fell for somebody as hard as I fell for you. You make me feel so special and so loved. You showed me the wonderful side of this world. I owe you for a lifetime. There is no place I ever want to be except by your side.”

Being slightly overwhelmed by her emotions, Y/N suppresses the tears in her eyes.

“I’ll see you in the morning, H,” she yawns, feeling her limbs slowly getting heavier, cuddling closer against him, her front meeting his back.

“Goodnight, my shining star.”

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles blurb #harry styles prompt #harry styles preferences #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles au imagine #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles masterpost

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unkindnessofone · 7 years

Text

Primal PT 2

Part One is here. It’s always nice to hear what you all think. Please enjoy.

They were both sweaty messes. Despite going to yoga since her Mommy/Daddy and Me classes when she was three, Molly still hadn’t discovered the secret to leaving the studio with a healthy glow on her face instead of a waterfall. As Ashton and Molly made themselves comfortable at their small wooden table in one of their favorite local spots, Ashton adjusted a grey blue beanie over his head. It was all he could do to hide his now greasy, but very zen locks.

“She was tough.” Ashton noted, pushing the menu away to the side of the table. It had been a while since he was able to join his daughter at a yoga class, but whenever he did, they would go to a nearby Vietnamese place and order Mushroom Pho. It was a routine he rather enjoyed especially since it made the fifteen year old so happy and he didn’t know how much longer he would have that power. Ashton was always waiting for Molly to wave him off in favor for literally anything else.

“You just got to fly in on Sundays so we can go more often.” Molly joked lightly while tightly tying her own wet locks on top of her head in a frizzy bun. It would have to do. She ordered them both their meals and two teas. Lemon, for Dad, and jasmine for herself. While she answered the server’s questions about how she was doing in school, Ashton took a moment to check if he had missed any messages or calls while he had been tied up in different positions. It turned out his wife had desperately trying to get a hold of him. Instantly, he worried. It didn’t matter how often they were apart. Ashton would always worry when she was gone for work without him. It wasn’t as if he could get to New York, where she was, quickly.

“Everything okay?” Molly checked in as soon as their sever left. She could read her dad’s face like it was a Babysitter’s Club novel.

“Actually, yeah.” He rolled his head over one shoulder and handed his phone, screen up, to Molly. “Your mom wants you to pick a dress for a winter formal at your school…” It was the first he had heard about it. Simone had went about six pictures for their daughter to choose from.

Losing an inch, Molly slouched in her chair at the first sight of the first dress, a pretty silk number with long sleeves. She knew with a mom as connected as hers that she was kind of a waste as a daughter. She had no desire for anything brand name or fancy. Molly could tell the dress was beautiful, but it made her uncomfortable just to look at it.

“I don’t know why she sent those.” Molly handed her Dad his phone back and shook her head to politely decline through him. “I already told her I wasn’t going to go."

"Why not?” Ashton inquired before tapping out a response to his wife, trying to gently say no to all the pictures.

Molly shrugged a simple “no” that she wasn’t terribly interested in, “I just have no interest in going.” She never really was one for dancing. She was always the one standing still at her dad and uncle’s shows while everyone else was flailing around.

“Are your friends going?” He didn’t know why he asked. He trusted Molly in her decision making. She always had a strong head above her freckled shoulders.

“Probably. I’m not sure.” She had very few people in her life that she considered friends. It wasn’t as if she had been labeled an outcast or social pariah, but Molly had always found relating to others to be a challenge. It wasn’t natural for her to confide in others or want to share experiences. She never did anything because someone else or everyone else was. Some might consider it a problem, but Molly didn’t seek comfort in other people. “It really doesn’t interest me."

"I get that. I wasn’t the dance type.” Ashton admitted even though it didn’t surprise Molly very much. She knew he still went. “Just don’t want you to have any regrets, you know?"

"If I graduate high school and wish I had gone to dances, I’ll just become a bar star in my twenties. How about that?” Smiling to herself, Molly horrified her father with her a joke of a compromise.

“I would just come with you and embarrass you.” Ashton teased back, jokingly reaching out his arms and pretending to do the sprinkler dance move right at the noise.

Instantly, Molly burst out laughing as their tea arrived piping hot to the table, “You don’t embarrass me, Dad.” Molly admitted through her grin while wrapping both her hands around the warm ceramic cup. “I like hanging out with you."

Ashton already knew that, but he still felt lucky that his teenage daughter didn’t insist on walking a mile ahead of him or roll her eyes in annoyance at everything he did. Ashton had to admit, even if it was just to himself, he truly won the lottery with his kids.

"One sec, honey, I’m just letting your brother know you didn’t murder a dolphin.” Without looking up from her laptop set up on the hotel bed, Simone told her newly released daughter. She heard the room door open and close, signalling Molly’s return from the hallway where she had tried to call a friend she had been arrested with.

“Where’s Dad?” Sitting down at the bed’s edge, Molly asked, looking over her shoulder. She was still in the clothes they had picked her up in and still hadn’t washed the stench of being tied to a tree off her body.

“Balcony.” Still concentrating on the screen in front of her, Simone merely pointed to the large windows and their open curtains, framing a tired Ashton with his arms over the rail. More and more, he regretted giving up smoking. “He is taking cleansing breaths.” Grinning to soften the tension that hadn’t left the air since the station, Simone looked up from the screen and informed her animal lover.

“I’ve never seen him like that.” She began to take her braided hair out, sounding saddened by the situation. She didn’t really care about being arrested, but she did hate how disappointed her father was in her.

“I have.” Simone mused as she typed at light speed on her laptop, shooting off a quick email. “When we first started dating, he almost ripped a guy’s head from his neck for spilling a drink on me.” She raised her eyebrows while recalling the memory from many, many years ago. While she remembered being embarrassed by his reaction at the time, Simone also recalled having feverish sex with him that same night that was still in their Top 25 times. For Molly’s sake, she left that part out. “It’s rare, but your dad can get enraged.” Simone noticed nothing she was saying was changing the frown on her daughter’s dirty face. “Molly, it will be fine.” She closed her laptop and slid down closer to her on the bed, instantly running her fingers through her hair - or trying to. “He will move on from this. This was just…it wasn’t expected."

"The arrest or Flynn?” In her defense, she hadn’t asked for them to come down to Canberra to bail her out. If it had been up to Molly, it wouldn’t have made national news.

“Both.” Simone wiggled her fingers out from the blond tangles and pat her knee. “He’s never had to share you before. He’s used to being the hero.” Looking off at the window, watching Ashton itch with irritation at his chin, Simone tried to help Molly understand.

“Connor has had about nine girlfriends since middle school. It’s never been an issue.” She argued.

“It’s not a sexist thing, Molly. He had no idea you were dating anyone. I’ve never told him about that other guy. Which, by the way, what happened to that guy?"

"It just never amounted to much.” Molly shrugged. She wished she hadn’t mentioned anything, but she couldn’t go back in time now. "This whole day has been one surprise after the other. Why don’t you have a shower? That always makes a person feel better.” Simone suggested just as she had been doing to her kids since they were about nine. According to their very stylish mother, there was nothing a hot shower couldn’t improve.

Behind the two Irwin women, Simone’s phone became to ring. It almost sounded urgent in its very generic ring. She leaned in order to reach it and, with a single glance of the screen, she stood up.

“I really need to take this.” She explained a second before answering, wandering over to the door to do so.

Molly stared at her Dad, sighing internally as she tried to read his face with his back to her. She remembered that he was still the guy who had been there for her whole life no matter how many miles were between them. Surely, he was not going to be cross with her forever. Molly tied her hair back in a very messy bun and moved from the bed to window. She didn’t want to let any more time go by. She inhaled in preparation and slid the balcony open just a smidgen.

“Is there room for me out here?” She checked. Maybe, he just wanted to be alone. She watched him barely look at her before nodding her closer with the end of his chin and without a word. “Hi Dad.” Breathy like the wind above them, Molly spoke softly. She leaned her side into the cold rail, studying his mood from his profile. “I feel horrible that I’ve disappointed you - “She started, releasing her breath that almost choked her on the way out. Molly felt her ribs tighten as she tried to speak again. These were words she never imagined having to say at all especially not to her Dad. Thankfully, he cut her off.

“Molly, I’m not disappointed in you.” Sighing into himself, he admitted and turned to finally face her, his elbow resting steady on the balcony rail. “When we were waiting at the police station, I just wanted to see you and give you a hug, alright? I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know you have a passion that you’re going to do great things with.” Ashton had always been confident about that. “I know people aren’t always going to get it. I just lost my cool because…” Now it was his turn to struggle with getting words out. Ashton hated admitting that he could be petty. He hated being wrong. It was childish, but it was a trait that he never quite outgrew. “For a second, I didn’t know you best. There was someone else that you called, that you wanted there. That’s hard for me, kid.” She may have been an adult, but she would always be his little Molly reading National Geographic instead of picture books. She would always be the little person who hated when someone blew raspberries on her tummy, but loved to be tickled under her knees. There was a distance growing between them now that she lived out in Gold Coast and all he was left with was memories of someone she wasn’t anymore.

“I just have my own life now.” She reasoned, both her palms open and facing him as if they could help both of them understand. “I thought you would want that. I don’t live under your roof anymore.”

“I know, but I miss - “ Ashton started.

“If you got arrested, you would call mom, not grandma.” Molly argued even though he wasn’t fighting back. He was too tired to put up a fight. All Ashton wanted was to spend time with his daughter after being terrified for hours she was in serious trouble.

“Molly, I know you don’t get it,” It was a strange thing to say to someone who was always the smartest person in the room. “but I’m your Dad. I’m your warrior, I’m your keeper. You might not need me in that role anyway, but I can’t just hang up that uniform. I don’t care that you’ve got some big burly dude,” He grimaced as he described Flynn O'Malley. “in your corner. I’m going to be your guardian for all of my life.”

She melted. Molly couldn’t try to make him understand anymore when he was being so forthcoming with her. She took down her hair and knocked her head to the side, letting it all rest on her shoulder as she breathed in the fresh air. Like a tub of butter out from the fridge, she softened before him and moved forward to wrap her arms around his neck, breathing him in as she squeezed tighter and tighter.

“I’m sorry, Dad.” In his ear, she whispered before loosening up as he hugged her back. She felt one of his strong hands grab her dirty hair and hold her head tightly as he kissed her cheek.

“Don’t keep things from me, Molly. I want to know you. You’re so important to me.” Firmly, he instructed as they pulled away from one another naturally.

Molly turned to stare down at the slow moving traffic below them, her father’s arm hanging around her shoulder while his fingers crunched at her frizzy split ends.

“We’ve never had a hard time talking to each other. Let’s not start.” Ashton continued.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you about Flynn.” Molly murmured begrudgingly. She was not enjoying having to apologize this much. It wasn’t common for her. “We’ve only been together for six months.”

“Only six months?” His face wrinkled as he looked at Molly like she was spewing nonsense at him.

“Look, Dad,” Molly threw her hands in front of herself and inhaled sharply before speaking. “I’m not as fun as other girls. I don’t like going out, I’ve never been good at small talk, I don’t even get a lot of what seems to be universally funny, but Flynn likes me anyway. No,” Shaking her head at herself as Ashton listened to her, completely captivated. “He doesn’t like me.” Molly corrected herself. He literally believes the worst parts of me are better than the best parts of everyone else. He looks at me like you look at Mom when she enters a room. I’m protective of that.”

“Even from your Dad?” As if he was saying ‘Come on’, he lifted his brows and challenged her.

“From everyone.” She had become more secretive since going away to University, holding everything and everyone she loved close to her chest. “There was probably a time when Uncle Mike and Aunt Grace felt the way I do right now and, somewhere along the way, they lost that. I don’t want to lose this.”

Ashton had never heard her this way over someone. Molly only talked about the ocean and it’s animals this way. He was sold that this guy had to be okay if his very intelligent daughter accepted him and cared this deeply. Everything with Molly was always scientific. Everything had an algorithm. Letting go of some of his frustrations from the day with a long exhale, Ashton decided to trust her just like he always had before.

“Let me back in, okay? I’m always on your side.” He cupped both of her shoulders and gave her a playful shake. “I will apologize to your…your friend…” He started only to be stopped by narrow growling eyes from Molly. “Boyfriend?” Reluctantly, he tried to give i

“Partner.”

“Partner.” Ashton could live with that. ��I’ll be nice, but if he tells me his mom was a big fan of Five Seconds of Summer, I will throw my beer in his face.”

“That’s fine. I’ll warn him.” Molly laughed while reaching out to shake her Dad’s hand. She already knew Flynn’s mom was even if she hadn’t met his parents yet.

“Molly!” Interrupting their mutual forgiveness, Simone’s sharp English accent cut between them. They were too focused on one another that they didn’t even hear the sliding door open again. Both Ashton and Molly turned to look at her as she just dragged her eyes up and down Molly. “I told you to shower. I’m getting very hungry and I will go alone to dinner with a rugby player, don’t think I won’t.” She teased in her most serious manner. “Also, I packed you a change of clothes. They’re on the bed.”

“I’ll be fast.” Smiling at her Dad, thrilled they were okay, Molly promised as she snuck by her mom. She tapped her head on the way in, always finding it amusing that she had grown so much taller than her.

“You two seem better.” Simone observed, stepping out onto the balcony and crossing her arms over her chest. She still had her cell phone clutched in one hand, letting it hang by her side.

“We’ll be fine.” Ashton confirmed. He couldn’t have been more grateful for that.

“We’re going to meet her boyfriend for dinner.” Letting her eyes grow, Simone mused.

“He seemed like a good guy. She really cares about him.” Ashton told himself more than he did his wife.

“Molly O'Malley. It’s very cute.” Shimming her shoulders, Simone sang out to him. She couldn’t resist ribbing Ashton even after all the years.

“Stop. That’s not funny. I’m not that cool with it.” Ashton warned causing her to erupt in her usual laughter that reminded him of the kind of music a person enters a circus to. It was the joyful song that sang him to sleep in all of his happiest memories. He pulled his wife in by the side and kissed the top of her head, shaking his head at her as he did. The day had gone from Hell to happy even if it took a few loop-de-loops along the way.

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