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dreadsuitsamus · 7 months

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hi! i’m not sure if you’ve done this before but.. could i please request a vegeta x human!reader who’s heavily tattooed (legs, arms)? i have no real idea for a plot line for it but gather it’s not something he’s seen a whole lot of since coming to earth - if at all! happy for either SFW or NSFW, completely up to you if you don’t mind the idea? have a lovely day!

For Fun | Vegeta x Reader |

author's note: this idea has absolutely made my day. it just begs for a sweet little vegeta learning moment, since normally it's him explaining saiyan culture. i have chosen the sfw path here! it's also funny bc i've been contemplating tattoos lol and a vegeta tattoo has been on the brain for some time now. thank you for your request!!!! 🩷🩷🩷

pairing: vegeta x fem!reader

warnings: sfw, reader has tattoos, some nudity but no smut or anything remotely nsfw, post-namek but pre-androids and cell

You can feel Vegeta's eyes on you as you work on his suit, Bulma's lab being the only place you feel comfortable sharing space with him in— the racket of the tools at the very least would alert somebody of something nefarious happening. Your dear sister just had to have a soft heart (or rather, quite the boner) for the Saiyan, and now it's you that suffers the consequences while you patch up the blue suit with a precise needle and thread.

"I'm not going to ruin it." You snark at him, not exactly happy to be in his presence. He's a murderer! "I've fixed it for you before without an issue." Bulma's doing her best to copy whatever material this suit is made of, but she's having trouble competing with alien technology— though she'll certainly have it figured out soon. She's a petty thing on the regular, but test her intelligence with a challenge like this and she's more stubborn than acne on an asscheek.

"Mm." He never talks much, at least. But as you stretch your arm out to pull the thread taught, Vegeta moves to take your wrist in his hand. While strong and easily capable of smashing your poor bones to smithereens, his touch is on the softer side.

"What in the world are you doing?" Are aliens unaware of personal space??

Ignoring you initially, Vegeta's gloved fingers curiously glide along your forearm, eyes focused on the artwork adorning your skin. "Your tattoos make little sense. What sort of culture is this?"

"Culture?" You repeat the word dumbly, fighting the urge that lingers just under your skin, heart rate picking up as you will yourself not to shiver at his touch.

"These flowers and symbols, what do they represent? I've been on Earth long enough to know the culture here is nothing like these— furthermore, the lab rat has none at all."

The laugh that bubbles from your chest is easy. Perhaps Earth is the only planet, or one of few, with inhabitants that indulge in tattoos for pleasure rather than cultural representation. "They aren't part of any culture, Vegeta."

"Then what are they?" His brow furrows rather adorably, his lips pulling into a pout as you laugh at his ignorance.

"For fun."

"You marked yourself permanently for fun?"

"Sure did. I got tons of 'em. Some of 'em mean somethin', but for the most part they just bring me joy."

Vegeta releases you finally, shaking his head in a way that reminds you of your father when you first started inking up. "Silly Earth woman…"

"Oh come on. Tell me they aren't pretty." You smirk softly, eyes glittering with the twinkles of mischief. This is a new light on Vegeta, one that perhaps drew Bulma's generosity his way in the first place.

"Tch." A blush rises to his cheeks and he looks away, staring a hole into the wall. "They're not ugly."

A not-so-pretty snort escapes you as you resume patching the suit up, tying and clipping off the end of the thread after the hole is closed up. "I got my first tattoo when I was seventeen. I was young and dumb and in love with a guy I thought I would be with forever." You murmur softly, pulling up the leg of your sweatpants to show off the heart by your ankle. It's old and faded by now, but your lips still pull into a smile at it.

Vegeta takes the moment to examine it, brushing a curious knuckle over the tattoo. His curiosity is sweet, and this must've been on his mind for ages now— it's not like him to get handsy or remotely talkative at all. "Saiyans never took part in these."

It makes all the sense in the world; from what you've pieced together by Vegeta's quiet, rarely spoken about tales of home and with the love for fighting that gushes from both his and Goku's hearts, Saiyans aren't exactly sentimental. "Well… You're on Earth now. You could get a tattoo just for the hell of it."

"I have no need." Vegeta looks away again, and you shrug to yourself.

"They're not for everyone, I guess." You hold the repaired suit out, feeling a tad bummed out that the sight of him in a tank top and sweatpants will be gone soon, but a lilt of surprise thrums in your heart when he sets it on the table and looks at you instead.

"Do you… have more of them?"

You laugh and tug at your t-shirt, pulling it off in the face of the blushing prince and revealing several more tattoos, most of which he's never seen before. "You got time?"

"You could certainly warn a man before you start stripping." He grumbles out, forever the prude even in the face of a gorgeous woman and her body.

"So sorry." Your tease bounces off of him as his curious fingers run along the lines on your tummy, sides and just below your breast. You're bare to him almost entirely, as you've never worn a bra at home and certainly didn't intend to start just because a man moved in, though his eyes and touch are calmly curious and genuinely interested in the artwork you're laced with, rather than the perky breasts and soft skin that would have most men acting a fool by now.

It almost has you feeling ugly, though that near-permanent tint of red that dusts his cheekbones reminds you otherwise.

"Don't forget the one on my back." Your murmur is gentle, only there to invite him further into the journey without jostling his concentration too much. And he takes your advice, stepping behind you while tracing the intricate linework of the massive tattoo, pausing at the sight of the gorgeous mural on your back. You've spent quite a bit of money on this, suffered the pain of the needle piercing and permanently scarring your skin to the patterns that'll forever mark you, and the admiration Vegeta has for your commitment alone is monumental.

Even gloved, his touch warms your skin in the lab's cool conditions and that little spot on your back, the one that had you shaking and embarrassed as your tattoo artist that, bless his resilience, dealt with with more care than a fucking surgeon to properly tattoo, flutters against the accidental tickle. You shift, muffling a laugh into your palm and there's a pause before Vegeta drags his fingertips over the spot again, and then once more.

"Your laugh isn't ugly either." He mutters and steps away, the warmth of his proximity erased and goosebumps covering your body now.

Standing ten toes down and looking over your shoulder, your lips twist in gentle glee upon catching his dark eyes with your own. It's taken some time, but you've finally found what Bulma saw in Vegeta that allowed him into your shared home.

He's flustered by such intimacy and he quickly snatches his Saiyan suit up before rushing towards the door. "Put a shirt on, you vile woman, or you'll catch a cold." Vegeta grumbles out, hightailing it towards the comfort of his gravity room and far away from whatever the hell just happened.

"Must be the first time he touched a woman." You snicker, tugging your shirt on and cleaning up the mess, lest your sister properly bitch you out for it later on.

The ghost of his touch remains, and even under the duress of several times Earth's gravity, Vegeta's palms fondly remember the feeling of your skin.

#vegeta x reader #vegeta x you #dbz imagine #vegeta imagine #vegeta #x reader #x you #reader insert

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ruthytwoshakes · 1 year

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HELLO GUESS WHO MADE ART OF THE SILLIES AGAIN????? i love them so much they’ve infested my brain,,,, I love women, ,,!!!! I’ve been making some sketches over the last couple of week,, some that will be turned into big epic drawings over the next couple of months hehehheh.

thank you @friendlyengie for your epic characters they bring me joy,, 👍👍👍👍👍

YAYYYYYY !!! OLD PEOPLE !! This one has been sitting in the drafts for a little while,, hhhh. I like to think that the medics have entirely grey hair and just,,, dye it. Uh oh It’s the last hair dye box in all of New Mexico ,, they’re having a cowboy standoff thing or whatever you call it

cringe fail loser sapphic at it again. ,,,,, , she horrible o love her ,

woah,, tnnahts a lot of woman. ,,and pupy!!!. Got a little bit obsessed with the acne on Quinn. I have pretty bad acne myself and most people don’t really add it to their characters and stuff,, makes me feel a little sad and ugly. So thank you very much for that!! It makes,me happy 👍👍👍👍👍

when I first saw spy,, I was like. Oh yeah. That’s,, the,,, the, . She friends with orginal spy I think,, . That would be a little silly ,,I think. So that’s my little itty bitty headcannon. They hate each other too but in silly bestie way. B))

Went a little crazy with the weird gay thing,, just a little bit,,,,, just a. Yeah.

WEIRD GAY THING AGAIN ?????!!!! NO Way bro…,, This is a sketch I plan to turn into a finished drawing!! Also I’m so proud of myself the perspective looks very epic B)) Also I think Quinn is the type to sleep without a shirt on but I don’t know if tumblr would like that if I drewed that so she gets shitty tank top instead. They are having sleepover in demos room if you can’t tell

also that fucking bongu post keeps on coming into my brain at the worst possible times ,, like I’ll be having a really serious conversation and the fucking bongu appears and I fucking lose it

FINAL SKETCH!!! This is a very rough sketch of a very epic and cool drawing I plan to finish. If anybody has any suggestions I’d love to hear it!, I am struggling with what to shove into the background. Also fuck yeah the golden spiral babey,, putting those 9th grade art class skills into use B))

This’ll be probably the most intricate art piece I’ve ever made,, wish me luck. I think I managed to fit all 18 mercs in there! Hopefully! I’ll double check later lol.

(Drawings of the mercs by friendlyengie). Me when the women 👁👁

that’s the end of all the drawings!! Thanks very much for looking at them hhh,,,, I did not spend 16 hours on this, you spent 16 hours on this

go follow friendlyengie they make some sick ass drawings,, good food right there babey B)). I hope I was able to kinda characterize them correctly!! I’m not very good at that yet,, but I’m getting better I think!!

Now off to visit your mother. (Study and plan for spring term and clean my room)

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seesboy · 9 months

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hello it seems i'm back here again with my Ambiguously Late 2000s AU except i managed to draw almost everyone this time around. woohoo

design notes && extra stuff under the cut :-)

~ if there's one design i'm not completely confident about it's combeferre's x_x i honestly didn't know where i was going with it outside of designating him as the Blue in the red/blue/yellow thing i did with enj/him/courf respectively. i might revise it in the future to make it fit him better but for now this is what i'm sticking to

~ there isn't much reason behind bahorel's clothes being similar to feuilly's it was 10pm when i drew him and i got lazy. i don't have much of an issue with how he turned out though

~ grantaire's hair is naturally wavy/curly (somewhere between 2b and 3a? i guess?? looking up hair types didn't help as much as i thought it would. btw it's vv much based off of my own hair lol), but it appears straight in most cases through a mix of him actually straightening it and it just being Greasy. i've drawn it naturally before though !

~ éponine's hair is dyed, naturally it's a lot like the light brown hair gavroche has. oh and the racoon tails are extensions lol

~ speaking of gravroche, while i don't know if it's completely obvious, certain parts of his design (namely the beanie) are based off of what i did for grantaire. he and ep are living with R in this au so i think he looks up to him a ton && really really wants to be like him (albeit in a "10 year old idolizing Some Guy" way) and that's somewhat reflected in his design

~ in an earlier draft of the second part i had a montparnasse design all set up and partially colored before i realized it would've made more sense to add gav lolol... i still have it saved but he's like. a Generic Emo Boy here so i don't feel like i'm confident enough in his design to add him to this post </3

~ oh yeah and i tried adding acne to a lot of the guys (gender neutral) but i don't think it's really noticeable outside of marius -_- i think i'll have to keep studying it to figure out how to draw it better

so yeah ! there's my update to this au, at the moment the fic (which i rewrote shortly after posting the first drawing) is sitting at over 5k words which is like. the most i've written Ever and it's still going strong... it's also taught me that i'm prone to writing scenes that drag and drag </3 thankfully revision helps a ton so hopefully it'll be decent when i finally finish it

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chaiqos · 16 days

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ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : my skincare ༉‧₊˚

1:35 ───ㅇ───── 3:47

↺ ᴿᴱᴾᴱᴬᵀ ‖ ᴾᴬᵁˢᴱ ≫ ᴺᴱˣᵀ ˢᴼᴺᴳ

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯

i wanted to share my skincare routine with y'all. i'm open to comments, suggestions, and questions. ♡

A.M routine

❀ step 1: cleanser

DHC's hatomugi face wash. i think it's really gentle on the skin and perfect for sensitive skin.

❀ step 2: lotion

DHC's hatomugi lotion. it makes my skin feel hydrated in the morning.

❀ step 3: milk

DHC's hatomugi milk. it's a nice silky cream and lightweight.

❀ step 4: sunscreen

DHC's brightening sunscreen for my face. it's (very) matte and a little difficult to spread at first. now i put it on my face by sections, which seems to help with the spreading. (does leave a white cast tho)

neutrogena's dry touch sunscreen for my neck. it's easier to use that than the DHC one. easily absorbed.

supergoop!'s sunscreen lip balm. it still moisturizes my lips despite the sunscreen.

P.M routine

❀ step 1: cleansing oil

DHC's deep cleansing oil. feel like i really get all of my day's worth of impurities out. also great for removing makeup.

❀ step 2: cleanser

peach & lily's power calm gel cleanser. it's refreshing and cooling. i think it's good to use right after oil cleansing.

❀ step 3: toner

p&l's good acids pore toner. it's also refreshing. gentle exfoliant.

❀ step 4: spot treatment

clean & clear's acne spot treatment gel. it dries out my blemishes, making them quicker to go away.

the crème shop's hydrocolloid acne patches on white heads as it easily takes them out. i use them right after i apply toner. i don't use them on the same spot at the same time.

❀ step 5: serum

p&l's glass skin refining serum. i feel like this is the key to glass skin. really makes my skin glowy.

❀ step 5: vitamin c*

RoC's vitamin c serum. have noticed that it has made my skin brighter and glowy. it's slightly sticky but once dry, it's fine.

when i use this, i'm replacing the serum.

❀ step 5: masks

variety of the crème shop's products. i use their essence sheet masks, how do eye look? patches, other hydrogel eye patches, hydrogel lip patch, hydrogel forehead patch.

i don't use these all at once. i'd do the eye, lip, and forehead patch together or skip one and use the other two. i use these on a sunday (my reset day), but not every week (budgeting).

when i use these, i'm replacing the serum.

❀ step 6: cream

p&l's matcha pudding antioxidant cream. it's easy to spread. i think it reduces redness, but i think it's my brain tricking me since it's green lol.

❀ step 6: retinol*

RoC's retinol correxion night cream. it has a different smell that i'm used to. it's very easy to put on my skin. a little goes a long way!

when i use this, i'm replacing the matcha pudding.

❀ step 6: facial oil

PROVENCE beauty's alpha-bet facial oil. it hydrates my skin very well. it's a nice final step.

*i alternate between the two. (don't use them at the same time!) i use them thursday-sunday, which are the days i don't have morning classes. (i often do my P.M routine late at night)

note

i want to start using p&l's lactic acid repair serum. i received a sample when it first launched and instantly fell in love! i remember that it reduced the look of my pores immensely. however, i am on a budget so i had to make a sacrifice </3

when i'm home during the school year, i use p&l's glass skin kit (both A.M/P.M) + DHC's oil cleanser (P.M). and i use absolute care lux's 24 karat gold serum and cream at night. the serum leaves this shimmery look and it's quite cute.

i used to use DHC's collagen mist but it's now discontinued :( gave a slight dewy look. it was lightweight. also great as a setting spray. ultra hydration

#chaiqos self #wonyoungism #it girl #dream girl #that girl #becoming that girl #skincare #self care #self improvement

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abimee · 10 months

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same anon as the stew ask - i forgot to mention this but your tags about fat really reminded me just how much i love love love your depiction of nophica. I love the way you draw skin and fat, your drawing of ysayle (i forget if it was her or someone else but the point still stands) with acne almost made me cry with happiness when I first saw it. Please keep doing what makes you happy and I hope you can continue to find love in the act of creation. I was surprised to hear that you once got told that your work was depressing but more over I'm so happy for you that you're finally reaching a point in your creative journey that you can be proud and happy of. Thank you for sharing what you make with us.

oh yar it was pretty common in both my fanfiction and art to get told that but admittedly i do think i wasnt really drawing anything of substance besides vague sad thoughts and emotions i was having in highschool LOL

like looking back on it i cant blame people for extrapolating the Bad Emotions from the stuff i made even when the piece wasnt about that cause i was in like, a really bad spot constantly but it being the only thing i heard was definitely something people could've lighten up about cause i was also just trying to draw fanart and live in peace but even my friends from back then told me such and its like GOT DAMN (ITS REALLY FUNNY NOW)

but i am really happy to know that im at least a little more well enough that that has stopped being prominant in my art and that people get good fuzzy emotions AND IM HAPPY that i can finally make ''the art'' i want..... i can never really describe how i felt held back in a way i didnt know of back then but i really do think it was because the artists around me just never Talked or Made an effort to draw things in their art like acne and such, and since i had no way of learning about art besides by listening to big artists back then i never Thought i could do that, or i thought people wouldn't like my art if i did that that i even refused to draw features I Had (i even remember once trying to hide that i started forming acne as a teen because i was so hyperaware of being seen as unsightly on the internet for it after having smooth skin and that was rough. ROUGH) so the fact that now what i once feared of ''what if people are rude about the way i draw people'' is entirely flipped upside down to ''people really love the way i draw characters'' i think also helped me get out of my shell of insecurity with my own art and actually Enjoy drawing because i feel like i can really express something

thats a lot of rambling but what im trying to say it is from viewers like you that my art has made it where it is today and i wouldnt have developed how i have and with the love i have in creating without it so [pbs channel voice] Thank You..... im hanging this one up on my fridge as well

#im glad you like my ysayle and my nophica i need to draw both of them more ough

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angeltherubiks · 2 years

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A year on Testosterone

My journey as FTM began fully late oct 2018. That’s when I realized that I was indeed transgender. I was a little bit scared yet relived about this new development of my identity, but it didn’t take away the anxiety of it all. I worried what friends and especially family would think about me, and I assume the worst, excommunication, being disowned, going through the world moving forward alone, it is so scary especially cause I’ve heard so many others going through this fallout.

I’m happy to say it wasn’t the case, well at least with my friends. Some members of the family are having a hard time with it still, my dad especially but he was never queer friendly to begin with so I knew if all else, I would get backlash from him.

I officially started Testosterone mid July 2021. The changes I have gotten from T have been good, really good for me yet perplexing to some of my friends lol. The biggest change has been my confidence and anxiety. My confidence overall has gone up this past year and my anxiety has gone down. The best example was when I went to finally get my drivers license. In the eve of my drivers test my friend asked me how I was feeling about the test. I basically said I was feeling indifferent, not exactly that I don’t care but like, if I pass, I pass, if I don’t pass, I’ll just retake the test. It short circuited their brain cause they couldn’t understand how I wasn’t getting anxious about it. To be honest I did get anxious but only once the driving instructor got in the car.

Physically the changes I have gotten where what I was hoping for although some changes I was not expecting. Before starting T, me and my doc concluded that I have pcos so some changes most ppl would typically get in the beginning I won’t experience because I have already gotten it to an extent, which ended up being the case.

My skin became oily, I was dealing with acne to the degree that I had as a teenager. I started getting facial hair on my chin and it slowly made its way towards my neck. Right now, its working on my sideburns so im excited to see how soon my face can theoretically form a beard. Body hair wise the ones I do have have become longer and darker. No real change about my hair line other than discovering u can get pimples at the back of ur head from the extra oil the body is now naturally producing.

My voice has gotten deeper. I was already in an androgynous voice range before starting T so I could emulate a guy voice after warming up my throat a bit. A few months in T I noticed that it was becoming easier to fall into the voice range and a month or so later I got proper a voice drop. Its hard to say if it will continue to drop. Data I have gathered from the voice analysis app says im pretty much there and strangers in general don’t question my voice, even over the phone.

There are now things I understand as to why guys dress in a certain way. The main one being wearing shorts even though it is cold outside. Simply put, the body is hot on T, temperature wise lol. I was already wearing mens clothing before starting T so nothing different otherwise.

Before starting T I was passing 50% of the time. Although I was constantly being clocked by moms at my retail job and while my job kinda knew me as a guy, a few ppl put to and to together that I was female (curse u job schedule posting legal names in the back room). I never did get flack for it, other then one of the managers coming up to clarify what gender I was cause admittedly, I never said. He was totally chill with it and even tried to help figure out the system so that the schedule wouldn’t deadname me.

The changes downstairs have been interesting. I didn’t know that I had in a way, already gotten a T-dick from pcos till I started testosterone. I was already half an inch and right now im about an inch, inch and half although its hard to judge since the base isn’t quite clear compared to normal cis dicks. The horniness has also been real, some days it felt like I needed my hand down my pants just to have some peace and quiet in my brain. Especially during the 3rd month.

I also discovered that you have a higher chance of getting a yeast infection on T, that was a fun two week experience. My doc explained that since the downstairs is changing, it is also freaking out a little and trying to rebalance itself hormone wise. While it wasn’t the cause, it increased it and I did something that while I normally wouldn’t have gotten any repercussions of, I ended up having to. For those wondering it was a combo of shaving the downstairs for the first time since starting T (I was four months in at that point) and using a bar of questionable bar of soap to shower with. Most likely it could have happened anyway with the bar of soap but it was still something that happened during my first year on T.

Medically I chose to do injections, althou originally, I thought I was gonna do inter muscular injections until I went to my doctors office for my injection training. That’s when I learned about subcuticular injections. I became less anxious about my shots after that due to the fact that I was already chubby so fat wise, I was golden lol. The biggest problem I had thou was getting syringes and needles. When I finally got the vial after being in insurance purgatory for 3 weeks, I realized that it was only the vial, when I asked the pharmacist about it, they said that they don’t sell needles over the counter, so I needed to get a script from my doctor. For one whole week I had that vial taunting me as I waiting for my doc to come back to me about the syringe and needle. Finally, I got the prescription but then I had a new problem. The initial four I got from the pharmacy was all that they had. Turns I was now part of a new shortage other people where facing, a shortage of 1ml syringes and 25g inch needles because those where the sizes everyone was using for the covid vaccines. This was in the height of everyone getting their covid vaccines so I was a bit fucked. I ended up getting a packet of 20 online from amazon. Right now things have calmed down I think supplies wise althou I haven’t tried getting them from the pharmacy again.

The injections themselves arnt too bad, at least for me. Althou the first injection was very intimidating. That needle was inside me a lot longer then it should have but I did it. I started off biweekly then switched to weekly after I got my first set of labs back. The excitement has gone down so it kinda feels like a mini chore that I must make sure I do every Friday. For the most part it’s not intimidating anymore. There was a brief period of a month mid-way in to the year where I was nervous about injecting after I had a couple of drops of blood come out of the injection site. It hasn’t happened since *knocks on wood* but I think if it does happen again, I won’t be as freaked out by it.

I also didn’t realize how much my background as a biology major would be starting T. I had some experience dealing with needles from a few lab experiments I had to do but by far the biggest tool was knowing my chemistry. Specifically on converting dosages to figure out how much per week someone was getting of their dosage. Less towards me and more towards other people on reddit or on the trans discord server who wanted number to compare each other with.

Finally, the mental changes. I mentioned before how I gained a boost in my confidence and a decrease in anxiety but there are a few other things as well that have change. Its hard to tell if some of these are due to T, age or dealing with the pandemic but I know one change for sure that is due to T. having no thoughts on the brain. Seriously just not thinking about anything. I kinda had this going already but very rarely. It was more like having a stoner thought where I just inspect either the setting or an object like thinking about the small details and just getting lost in thought. Kinda like observation mode. But now I get proper moments where there’s no thoughts in my head, legit not thinking of anything sort of like observation mode but I’m not taking notes like I would. It perplexes my friends though. One of them especially as she has never experience anything like that before and might have assumed I was lying when I replied with “nothing”.

I did had to relearn my anger as it became different being on T. not a bad different, more like the triggers of it changed and the response as well. So I had to briefly relearn the new triggers and how to prevent myself so I don’t accidentally go off on someone. Luckily, I caught it before I actually did but im still figuring it out a bit. Who would have thought being isolated due to a global pandemic would make it harder to get angry at socially.

I also noticed I don’t cry as much, granted even before T I only cried on average twice a year, typically once though. Funny enough its also going to be year since the last time I cried. I had a moment a week into T where I was super upset and ended up balling my eyes out. I wont get into details as to why I was upset, just that I was. It had nothing to do with me starting T and I’ll leave it at that. Not to say that was the last time tears left my eyes, my eyes get super watery from having wind blown on them or onions being cooked. But legit crying, haven’t really done it since that first week on T.

That’s about all the changes I can think of for this past year as far as testosterone changes goes. I hope this helps someone else going along the journey either starting or already on it. I wanna add my voice to the void of other FTM’s to help others in their journey. Especially since I’m not a Caucasian skinny person.

To whomever does read this, I hope ur journey goes well and there are less headaches in ur journey to being you.

Best wishes from ur fav online chubby 28 year old mex-american

#FTM #HRT #one year on testosterone #transgender #transman #pride #transmasc

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ikari-cat · 2 years

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Update on Summer 2022 ._.

I’m in a blank state at this point, despite the many things I need to do, but I’ll get a general sense of what’s been happening in my life

At the rate I’m going with Uni, I should graduate by next year with my BA in PSYCH. However, as you can guess, I have yet to find any careers or inspirations to continue pursuing higher in this field. This is bittersweet since the subject overall is still my favorite subject, but there’s just no drive in me to consider graduate school. I have yet to find a job using my associate’s, and it just rubs me the wrong way that we keep relying on these papers to just get a slot in an interview, I’m really hoping that by the time I take my internship class that I get a sense on what I can do within my major, but otherwise I’m going to take a gap year after regardless. Our housing situation is still a mess, the lawyer my mom hired has reassured us we just need to wait for a court letter in order to finalize this eviction crisis, regardless I should clearly be saving money by paying no rent yet my part-time job has clearly been used to pay off my car. I REALLY hope I get another job soon but I’m just too stubborn to get a job not related to my field. I need all the vibes right now fjoiwjfowijfwof wfo M and I have been steady, when I got on birth control it was a wave of emotions, but overall I think we’re stable and just trying to cope through the crisis right now. Our San Diego trip was great, and I love how it gave us a better idea of our goals in terms of outings now so something to save till next year. But yeah I’m on BC! It has definitely cut back my acne breakouts so overall my self-esteem is doing better, I was able to go to my campus gym and it was fun so working out more than well ever lol

Interestingly enough, M has encouraged me to make my own website, or instead, actually consider blogging as a career, and honestly I’m just??? It’s never been something I’d consider, as CLEARLY I’m mostly blogging over fandom interests fjwoifjwoifj but I do like the idea of having my own website tbh SO we shall see lmao As for fandom interests, it’s safe to say I’m fixated on dimileth rn, like I kid you not it’s the only thing I want to talk about where I don’t feel like I’m forcing myself too? I love ikarishipping, but I can’t get like super hyped about it as much anymore due to how limited the material they have is (also with them being kids + their franchise being meh is just??? I basically love drawing them older and that’s that?) and then I wonder because of the franchise it made me switch back into fire emblem with dimileth because overall it’s adult-oriented? Yes the games are still aimed at teens, but clearly, WE ARE KILLING PEOPLE and able to interact with the characters fjwifojwfowjf BASICALLY I am now the average adult fan who is more worried about my irl experiences rn

Will I change my username again? No, I think I’m settled with this one, but I will say if you cared enough to stay for a specific type of content from me (mainly a ship) then really don’t have major expectations. I think that should have been cleared since pretty much I entered Uni and didn’t post as much anymore but just in case you needed a confirmation. I’m not like DROPPING anything, but just still in a struggling case, so if I draw something I just draw something on a whim and that’s that? Honestly maybe I should of considered doing art as a career, and yet here we are jfowijfowfjwof w

This is too long now but overall, I am still in the same mess I am, so yee

#cat's random rambles #it's a big one lads #fjwoifjwof #zoo wee mama

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fuwushiguro · 2 years

Note

hope you're having a great day luxe <3

i know that you probably get a ton of asks about wusyaname and maybe its a bit tiring to read about it but you dont understand how much i love the dynamic. mean!megumi?? nobody writes him like you do. im genuinely in love with your writting style. i love how reader is a torn between yuji and megumi. i love how reader is trying to convince herself of possibly feelings shes trying to deny all while trying her best in staying loyal to yuji- who- doesnt have contact with her for a while (up until the latest chapter(s) AND megumi is kind of warming up to her(WHICH WAS AMAZINGLY WRITTEN) and honestly, im not sure what to think about wusyaname!megumi now cuz as much as i wanna love him hes just done so many things man 😭 and also can we talk about the pacing? literally perfect. absolutely, genuinely, perfect. one issue i have with reading is i cant seem to find the fics with good pacing. its either too slow or too fast-paced. and wow, yours though? it had my CAPTIVATED and gripping my seat for the next chapter istg. im so happy with how all your works turn out. and not only do i love wusyaname, i thoroughly enjoyed you deserve roses and you know this ohhh lord i cannot tell you how good this was. literally brought me to tears. i know this was a little while ago but i still think about it daily <3 it was so beautifully written, you have the hands of angels i swear. your writting literally cured my acne and made my lactose intolerance go away. that fr tho had me crying and sliding down my wall. i dont know why i torture myself with cheating fanfics it HURTS man but i am so happy i read the ones you wrote because i got a taste of fucking HEAVEN. and the one sentence that went like "he was yours before his wife came" (i know its not exact) had my heart hurting man. i was literally sobbing why do i do this to myself 😭 it was so fucking deep and quite literally made me cry, oh my God, that was heavenly luxe. you are the most talented writter ever, i swear.

thank you luxe for everything you do please have an amazing day/night/evening <33 (also i saw your rb on sending long messages lol i finally have the courage to write this now <3)

wusyaname asks are pretty much the only ones i get about my fics which is always welcome i love talking about it so i dont mind if u wanna come here and gush over it hehe, gives me a reason to keep writing it! i dont even remember how i got the idea for bully megumi and this entire series but ive been writing it for over a year now and im so glad i decided to continue writing and that so many people have stuck with it and are still reading it to this day 🥺

but O M G that toji fic killed me!! another one i loved writing since it was based on a dream so im glad i have that fic to remember it in a weird way? like, it was a horrible dream where I woke up crying but it's cool that I dreamt about my absolute fave it was v cool in a way. its v v v emotional I definitely added a lot more plot into the fic but the dream was a bit different and just SO emotional wow.............

but omg thank you so much for your praise im not sure i deserve it tbh but i appreciate it so much! thank you for sending me such a sweet and beautiful ask it means the world to me, truly. feel free to send an ask whenever u wanna chat or anything pls dont be shy i dont bite <3

#luxe mail 💰

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medusa-adsume · 29 days

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I've always found other peoples' experiences with being trans and transition in general to be unrelatable. That sentence has no hidden value judgment; I just experience things (or maybe explain them) in a different way than a lot of the people I know. This can end up being quite troubling, though, because of how isolating it is to only read unrelatable posts online and only see unrelatable media, etc, etc. That's one of the reasons I'm writing this right now — maybe someone will be happy to see it, years down the line.

Since the time I was 12-ish years old, I've been trying to attain the same eventuality RE: androgyny, so my self-image has never changed. I spent 13 years with a life-threatening ED that never went into remission until I explored transition, particularly binding my chest. The combination of that sensory experience being lifted when I move around, and finally getting to explore the androgyny ED treatment told me wasn't allowed, helped me to make a full recovery. As of writing this, I've been totally recovered for over 3 years. I also switched from binding to taping (cannot recommend that enough; I literally don't think about it or feel it at all, and I am not restricted).

The rest of my life (not related to my body or my 'gender') kinda exploded and my career took off at the same time that my personal life fell into shambles. So, despite finding recovery, I didn't finally find actual stability until much later — maybe the end of the summer of 2023. Which is about the time I decided I wanted to try supplementing testosterone.

I wanted some things and didn't want others, didn't care about a few either way. I'd had a goatee since I was 13 years old because of a hormonal intersex condition (not the same as one from birth) and have always been tall and narrow as well, so I kind of started from a blank slate. I was mostly hoping to masculinize my body shape and some of the more imperceptible features. As a musician editing their own voice, I always loathed hearing mine. I loved editing lower voices, always, and found myself intentionally shifting mine (in real life, and in post-production) to compensate. I also wanted to have the option to have more facial hair, particularly on my cheeks where it was missing.

My concerns were valid and well thought-out. I was worried about changes to my genitals until I realized I'll probably only be sleeping with other queer people, like my partner, forever. I was worried about getting acne because I have a really bad skin-picking habit. I was worried about gaining weight because I'm in recovery from an ED and my safety-zone of comfort and ease was effortlessly maintained with literally zero thought about food or weight or dieting or anything like that.

Basically, I was in homeostasis, emotionally speaking, but looking to optimize. So I started T in September of 2023, saying (frequently aloud, to my partner) "I am feeling really stable and don't wanna jeopardize that, but I wanna give this a shot."

I started 0.20 200/ml every other week for the first 3 months. Then my doctor upped my dose to 0.25 weekly. I immediately sensed this was too high for my body, but thought I would adjust. I liked having less of a rise and fall, dosing weekly rather than biweekly.

Around 2 months of the new dose, I didn't end up feeling well-adjusted and lowered my dose a bit, down to 0.20 per week, which felt better.

I'm 6 months on T now. Some things have been very exciting and made me very happy! I have muscle on my body for the first time ever, but not in a way that's super masculine — maybe in a way I should have had all along, lol. I am in way, way, way less pain because of the extra muscle my body built just from, like, holding my head up. My spine feels supported. My arms and legs and glutes are all feeling less like they're ripping and falling off whenever I move them. My body feels good. I feel healthy on a day to day basis. Some days I literally have abs. I get fewer migraines too. I also feel less emotionally intense on a regular basis, though I have a full range of emotion and do still feel things more intensely when something is super upsetting etc.

Some things have been unremarkable. Genital stuff was super mundane and didn't actually bother me at all. Like nothing hurt or was uncomfortable the way some people seem to experience. I gained like 3-5lbs total, likely muscle and water. In the grand scheme of things, these are very minor changes.

I did get a lot of zits and clogged pores and I am constantly picking at my face in a way that isn't good for my skin, or my mental health. Changing my hormones also thinned my hair a bit, which gave me something else to fixate on. I have become pretty anxious about my voice changing and being unable to change it back, despite wanting it to change to begin with. I am also feeling anxious about something happening "inside me" (I don't know what I mean by this) that could be bad, without my knowing — like atrophy of my ovaries or my uterus etc. There is no evidence of this, I am just worried. Sometimes it consumes me. "Should I be doing this?" I find it hard to believe myself about what I want with so much noise. I also am concerned about giving myself so many things to worry about.

So, while those things aren't 'bad' necessarily, they're giving me a lot of stress. They're making me behave in really obsessive compulsive ways. It's eating a lot of my time and energy because they're literally triggering obsessive compulsive behaviors. But I've had obsessive compulsive behaviors my whole life — incredibly persistent ruminating, magical thinking and rituals, 'finding it,' intrusive thoughts, etc — so it's not like they're going to stop if I stop T.

I don't know. I need to do some research on where the endocrine deadzone is to make sure I don't end up in it. Like, you have to have enough hormones to live and function properly, and if I think I might lower my dose a little more, I don't wanna end up in it. My doctor and my therapist have been very supportive and informative, though, and my levels are getting checked every 3 months! So I don't mean an actual deadzone, just a feeling-dead-zone.

That's where I'm at. A super underwhelming 6 months on T update from a nonbinary person who was somewhat androgynous organically in the first place. I'm happy but I'm also panicking that I'm not actually happy. It's an experience I'm sure other autistic people know very well.

#nonbinary transition #queer

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tiphares · 6 months

Text

was thinkin abt doin an updated skincare list..

my skin type: oily, mature, textured and sensitive / allergic. use to be very acne prone when i was younger but found out it was allergic or dermatitis from using products that werent compatible w my skin. im not someone who is always trying new stuff, when i find something that works i stick with it.

preferred water type: warm and soft/filtered

face wash: my OG HG cetaphil (the reg 1) even off brands of this seem to be good, the rexall one especially.

moisturizer: my OG HG is lush dream cream (this is advertised as a body cream, but i use it on my face) it is so hydrating and smells nice never disagrees with my skin. i have also been using lush celestial since the air is colder and my skin is dry, but only on the dry parts of my face... mouth area, between my brows, my crows feet and corners of nose, chin.

exfoliator: i just dont use these they are too hard on my skin, i used to dermaplane but as i get older i find peach fuzz to be a natural filter lol it just softens the lines on my face 🤷 as well my toner eats the dead skin off good enough imo.

serums: my OG HG is the ordinary niacinamide + zinc. i also enjoy the hyaluronic acid, matrixyl, and multipeptide serum as well as the mandelic acid. for awhile i was into the ole henriksen vitamin c serum but havent veen using vit c lately as my hyper pigmentation is mostly gone.

oils: MY OG HG is the ordinary sea buck thorn fruit oil. this basically healed my skin barrier completely and is an amazing product. i dont use it too much anymore as it did its job. now i use the lush full of grace naked skin oil bar and it is really nice, made with mushrooms n keeps my skin free or dry flaky patches.

toner: paula's choice salicylic acid glow toner, this is amazing!!! but i can only use it 1-2 times a week as my skin is very sensitive. and food grade rose water in 1 parts to water as a mist/spray.

face mask: my OG HG is the aztec secret indian healing clay mask mixed with braggs apple cider vinegar. i use this once a week- 2 weeks depending on how much/heavy my makeup has been. as well the Lush " beauty sleep" mask is a nice treat when i remember to get it.

deodorant: lush aromaco natural bar, this oddly enough had helped my skin breathe and be clear....anytime i use a commercial deodorant i get rashes on my face? idk but this has the best smell n i got ambrose hooked on it too lol.

lip balm: used to love the bite beauty lip mask but its hard to find now.... a lot of chapsticks really irritate the corners of my mouth :( but this knock off burts bees *beehive burst* is my favorite right atm, so creamy no irritation and really nice flavor/smell (using vanilla) otherwise my OG blistex DCT medicated (in the beige pot) is the best by far esp in winter. if u apply it on ur nose with a cold ur skin wont chap from blowing lol!

also: the biggest things i have noticed that have done my skin wonders have been * quitting smoking. * drinking water * taking allergy pills *using a humidifier gettin 8 hrs of sleep *using spf (after finally finding 1 that agreed with my skin. ) i am almost 40 so my skin is still changing and i plan on staying au natural (no filler or surgical enhancing) so no matter what i will age, the goal is to do it gracefully.

#skincare #HG #OG #my favs #as of now

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constantlyscreaminghere · 3 years

Text

Made this Dream design. Smth about it is off but I'm tired of fiddling with it :T

#dream of the endless #morpheus #the sandman #also i finally made my acne lol

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laeska · 2 years

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my cc resources | skin/face details

a have received several asks about the custom skin details (face overlays, nosemasks, lip details ...) i use on my sims (so sorry to those i haven’t answered individually) & i was finally motivated by @rheallsim‘s ask (💙!), so i’ve decided to make this resources post and redirect all potential future asks here

(... even though i said only recently that - if i may read from the evidence file, your honor -

... how the turntables does it not)

anyway.

under the cut you’ll find: 1. links to the custom skin details that i have in my game; 2. some other info

salut! 🍻

1. cc links (skin/face details)

full-body overlays: 1

face-only overlays: 1 (all by lamatisse) | 2 (all by pyxis) | 3 | 4 (mine)

nosemasks: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

other nose details: 1 (nosemasks & nose shaders by faaeish) | 2

eyelids & eye details: 1 | 2

nude lipsticks & lip details: 1 | 2

wrinkles: 1 | 2 | 3

an assortment of various face details (from eyes to noses to lips to cheeks - very important!): 1

2. other info

firstly, as to default skin replacements - i don’t use any

secondly, i very always modify cc skin details that i download on my own - usually only to sort them to another category (slot), but sometimes also to change the sort layer value. this is something that you can do yourself using sims4studio (google sims4studio for further instructions).

i HIGHLY suggest ➡ this mod ⬅ to add tags to skin-detail categories. it makes it easier to know which thing is sorted to which category

below is an outline of how i sort custom skin details:

1. i sort all full-body overlays to the “forehead” slot. well, i only use one and i use it an all my sims (i’m lame like that yea) but it’s sorted to that slot 😅

2. i sort face overlays to the “mouth crease” slot - this one is probably the same as most of you

3. i use the “freckles” slot for freckles, moles, beauty marks and for some nose details

4. the “dimple left” slot for eyebags

5. the “dimple right” slot for one bunch of nosemasks

6. the “mole left lip” slot for another bunch of nosemasks, in particularly those that only change the apparent shape of the tip of the nose

7. the “mole right lip” slot for wrinkles and some random nose details (shaders, for example)

8. the “mole left cheek” slot for random nose and lip details (shaders, more nosemasks ... help)

9. the “mole right cheek” slot for eyelids and some skin-detail blends that i’ve made for myself (for example, i’ve combined my favourite eyelids overlay with some other details that i basically almost always use. that way, i freed up some other slots for MOAR DETAILS)

10. and finally the “acne” slot for eyelashes. there we are :)

THEN (you didn’t think that was all lol) i also make use of the “occult” skin detail categories. what i sort there are scars, cheek shaders, face highlights ... less crucial stuff, you get it

THEN (haha), i also make use of the tattoo categories. what i sort there are hairlines, body hair and tattoos, of course

LASTLY (yes) i also sort some things to the makeup categories (but i hate to use them as we all do because you can’t simply apply makeup to all outfits can you. you can’t)

additionally, i also tend to clone and duplicate packages (for example, nosemasks) to make them work for several categories (slots) - thus giving me more freedom

of course, to make my sims’ faces look the way they do, i also rely heavily on custom sliders (in the great majority those by obscurus). i tend not to use custom presets

this should be all! enjoy your gameplay!

#asks #simblr #oh i should also take this opportunity to say that i indeed tend not to answer wcifs sorry :(((#it says so in my bio #so sorry if i've ignored your ask in the past :(#resources

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mimi-cee-hq · 3 years

Text

Wildfires - Atsumu x f!reader

Summary: You're burned from last year's rumours, now fearing any hint of smoke. Yet you can't help, but fall for the childhood friend who's a balm to your wounds.

Genres, tropes, etc: angst with a satisfying and happy ending, angst to fluff, hurt/ comfort, exs to lovers (but not the usual kind), secret dating, drama and romance, but it's still somehow cute because that's just how I write lol

Warnings: false rumours about cheating and an illicit relationship, so it still technically mentions those things.

Words: 1.9k

Author's Notes: Hi Lia (@chimielie)! I'm your ☀️ anon. 🥰 You suggested exs to lovers and hurt/comfort for this prompt and it still technically is those things, but it's probably not what you expected.

If anyone is new to my blog and doesn't want to read angst, here's a cute fluff Atsumu x reader instead. :)

This fic is for the Heatwave Fic Exchange (@heatwave2021). Thank you for hosting this!

~*~*~

"I hadn't realized you two were still together."

Not even the overworked fan's whirring can drown out the strained silence that follows.

"We're not."

The air is dry and sweat forms on your brow. With the sun beating down, it's the perfect combination for a wildfire.

Atsumu's chin sits on his fist as he avoids your gaze. Lowering your eyes, you stare at the wooden table.

"Did he still care?" you ask yourself.

~*~*~

Plaid skirts sway as two students peek into their new classroom, attempting to be discreet. You hear their whispers from a distance, waiting in front of your own classroom.

"Look! We get Kinjou-sensei this year!" one exclaims.

"Are you serious?" the other asks after letting out a gasp. "I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I might end up staring at his face all day."

"Maybe it'll help you pay attention," her friend snickers.

You clench your jaw as heat rises in your body. They're able to indulge in frivolous remarks, ignorant of how you're left scarred from one fleeting gesture, a tiny piece of kindling that ignited into uncontrollable flames.

Cool hands cover your ears from behind you. Your jaw relaxes and the tension dissipates from your shoulders. You turn around to see Atsumu wearing a scowl on his lips. Sighing as you cross your arms, you ask, "Atsumu, what are you doing?"

"Well if only there was a way to make 'em shut up," he replies with a sharp tone.

You lean away from him and swat his hands back. "You're too close," you tell him.

"Alright!" he says, holding his hands up in surrender. "I'll go!"

As he walks away, he crosses his thumb and index finger behind his back, forming a little heart. You smirk at his hidden gesture to you.

"I love you too, Atsumu," you silently tell him as a smile graces your lips. However, it vanishes like the mist in the sun when yet another person calls after him, someone he doesn't know.

You skirt around the other students, avoiding their path, and rush to your desk. There are too many dry leaves around; a single spark can burst everything into flames.

Why does everyone have to know Atsumu?

~*~*~

"I wish you could've been my partner for the project," you say.

Atsumu pours a glass of water and places it on the table in front of you. "You ended up with that new girl, right?" he mentions and you reply with a nod. "She should be safe to work with."

You're startled once again when you hear the chimes from the front door. A rattan room divider obstructs your view of it, but you hunch down anyway as you finally pick up your spoon.

Atsumu sits across from you, sharing something about his team. His eyes dim when he realizes you haven't been listening.

"This isn't working," he tells you. "I thought this restaurant would be better because people can't see us from here." He runs his fingers in his hair, a sign he's frustrated.

"I– I forgot people can still hear us," you say in a low voice.

Atsumu sighs. "Let's just watch a movie at my house," he says. "Osamu already knows anyway."

"You know we can't," you protest. "Not when Hana and Haku drop by so often. They're going to realize we're together."

"But how are we supposed to have any fun when you're so scared?"

"I–" You lower your gaze, eyes unfocused towards your untouched bowl of rice. "Sorry, Atsumu."

"It's not your fault," he reminds you yet again. This exchange has become all too familiar. "Maybe we should finally tell Hana and Haku what happened to you."

"And have them find out the guy in the rumours is their beloved brother?" You cross your arms over your chest and rub your hand on your sleeve. "I still want to be comfortable around them, Atsumu. Ignorance is bliss right?"

His mouth twists before a groan escapes from it. He slouches in his seat and stares at the food in front of you, which remains the way the waitress left it.

"Let's take the train to Tokyo next time," he mutters. "Nobody'll know us there."

Your eyes grow before looking up at Atsumu. "What?" you slowly enunciate just above a whisper. "Don't you know how expensive that is?"

He presses his lips together before sharing his next suggestion. "I know where 'Samu's secret stash of money is…"

You narrow your eyes at him. "No, we're not stealing from him to go on a date, Atsumu."

"Alright," he says, lowering his eyes and dropping his shoulders.

Seeing his expression, you offer another idea. "How about Osaka?" It's only one city away.

Atsumu's eyes light up, excited at the chance of finally getting to enjoy some time with you. Although your smile doesn't quite reach your eyes, you hope leaving the vicinity of last year's wildfires would be enough, for Atsumu's sake and yours.

~*~*~

Your heart beats faster and your throat becomes dry. You weren't getting enough air.

"You're okay," you tell yourself. "She's not talking about you."

"Seriously! That happened at my old school," your project partner snickers as she recounts her story to you. "They even got the kiss on camera too! I felt so bad for her, but it's her own fault for cheating on him."

You begin to feel dizzy, catching a whiff of smoke from another victim's fire. Her words add fuel to a fire that cannot be stopped. Wildfires burn and burn, and are never satisfied until they run out of kindling.

"Oh! I've been meaning to ask. Are you dating Atsumu? The two of you seem really close!"

Your throat struggles to take control, attempting to keep your stomach down; it doesn't want to burn either.

They'll say you're cheating on Kinjou-sensei.

The tongue is a powerful weapon, causing destruction by those who are both untrained and ignorant as well as the truly malicious.

Your knees buckle as you pant for air, your grip weak on the knob. You need to get out.

Atsumu's figure is before you and you relax as he catches you. You never would have imagined that this guy would be your fleeting oasis.

~*~*~

"Let's break up," you tell Atsumu.

You both knew this was coming, yet a bucket of icy water chilled to the bone regardless of whether or not it was expected. Speaking those words aloud shocked you back into reality.

You hesitated dating each other in the first place, but you couldn't help but caress his strong hands when he admitted his feelings for you. Growing up together in your group of five, he was by your side from snotty noses to acne breakouts.

You didn't expect to fall for the hot-head of your bunch when rumours of you dating Kinjou-sensei spread. Atsumu attempted to extinguish every flame he spotted, witnessing your anguish each time you got burned.

"Maybe we can still do this," you say, contradicting your previous words.

"And what? Have ya pass out again every time someone asks about us?" Atsumu protests. He lowers his eyes as he clutches your hand. "Do ya know how worried I was about ya?"

Your heart flutters for a moment before you remind yourself that you can't keep him, the boy who has been by your side for so long.

"Aghhhhh! This is so stupid!!! Why are we suffering because of this made up crap?! 'Kinjou-sensei' had put a bandaid on me a thousand times more than he did t' ya! But nobody gives a crap about that!"

"I'm sorry Atsumu."

"Why the heck are ya sorry?!" he says, raising his voice.

"I– If I was just strong enough... If I could withstand their stupid words"–your lip trembles–"maybe I wouldn't have to choose between you and having some peace."

There's another silence between the two of you. Your fingers are loosely intertwined together, barely holding the fragile string between the two of you, as if it were a wick that would combust and disappear in a split second.

"Maybe we should just run away," Atsumu mumbles aloud.

"What?"

"Ya know, transfer schools. Or even drop out if we need ta."

"Atsumu! You can't! We can't! You have volleyball! And I... this is the only school that gave me a scholarship."

"Agh! Why is this so frustrating?!"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, ya idiot! Ya did nothing wrong!" He presses and rubs his forehead with the heel of his palm. "I just… I wish I could do more for ya." His arm drops at his side. "I wish I didn't feel so useless."

Your tears drip down your face. Could they be counted any more? If only you didn't fear getting caught dating Atsumu, terrified that last year's fires would morph into a raging beast. But another wildfire would not only destroy you but also the man you loved. If only your sores healed by now, you could have shown off your boyfriend, disregarding any of the flames.

If only you were fireproof.

But you weren't and now you're forced to loosen your grip on Atsumu, the balm to your wounds, and let him fall out of your hands.

~*~*~

"I hadn't realized you two were still together."

Not even the overworked fan's whirring can drown out the strained silence that follows.

"We're not."

It was three years since you talked to Atsumu, four since rumours first raged through the school. The two of you went through cycles of getting back together and breaking up again every time you learned that fear was still crippling you. Cutting off contact was the less painful option.

Years later, you're at a friend's cottage and Atsumu comes along without knowing you're here as well. Now that high school has come and gone, the smoke has dissipated and the fires have finished their course. You can finally breathe.

But does Atsumu still want you?

To anyone else, Atsumu is bored out of his mind, resting his chin on his fist. Nobody sees his thumb and finger forming a tiny heart.

Your heart flutters and you blink back tears. You attempt to hold back your growing grin, but you have no reason to hide it anymore.

You wrap your arms around him, almost causing him to topple off of his chair, Atsumu letting out a yelp. "What the heck are ya doing?"

You can finally release your feelings for him, openly and freely. The dam opens and waters rush to engulf him before you settle into his embrace.

"I love you too Atsumu," you tell him without a care in the world.

Osamu tells you he changed when you cut off contact. He desired to be a man, not wanting to feel so powerless, and poured himself into things he could do. It paid off.

"Did ya want to go somewhere together? I could even take ya all the way t' Rome if ya want."

The two of you hold each others' hands as the ocean's edge cools your feet. You lean against his shoulder, cherishing the moment that at one point seemed like an inaccessible dream.

You give him a peck on the cheek and smile. "Tokyo seems like a nice place for a date for now."

~*~*~

I hope you enjoyed this fic. :) (And I hope you liked it Lia!!) I guess I can be poetic if I try. lol. I had a whole commentary written out for this fic, but I decided against posting it here and making my author's notes as long as the fic itself. 😂

If you enjoyed this fic, I don't really have any similar pieces of writing at the moment. The only one that's similar is the hurt/comfort Kunimi WIP I've put off writing for so long because I didn't think I could pull off this type of fic. (And also because I think only one person will read it.) The theme in that one is pity/pride because pitiful is Kunimi's most hated word.

Anyway, if you want to see my usual style of writing, I have a cute tooth-rotting fluff Atsumu x reader one-shot. I currently also have an ongoing fake dating chaptered Suna fic, which is probably my best planned fic with the hints and foreshadowing and a nice mix of humour, fluff and shoujo-type angst. :)

I also have a Google form for my taglist if anyone is interested.

#miya atsumu x reader #atsumu x reader #atsumu angst #atsumu fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu fluff #miya atsumu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #atsumu fanfic #miya atsumu fanfiction #haikyuu fanfiction #hihqnetwork #animehorizons #angelwalker’s virtues #atsumu scenarios

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