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#also i feel like the advice they gave me boiled down to like
dr-scribbler · 5 months
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Deepavali - Great power comes with great responsibility
Growing up in the southern Indian state of Tamilnadu, where Deepavali is celebrated cause of Narakasura’s Defeat by Krishna. Each year I heard the story of how and when it happened, why Krishna killed Narakasura, and how cruel he was.
As the adult age struck I started to work with people from many parts of India, surprisingly that's when I heard that the story of Deepavali/Diwali which they celebrate is very different from the one I did.
Some specified that it celebrated the cause of Lord Rama and Seetha’s return to Ayodhya
Some Specified that it was celebrated cause of Ravana’s Defeat by Lord Rama.
They were surprised when I said in Tamilnadu it is celebrated for the reason I mentioned above, some were quick to point out how wrong I was and how one should know one's true culture and blah blah blah.
It was hard to explain culture and practices vary throughout our country and that's the beauty of it, there is no right or wrong cause every path and every practice leads to the same destiny. Our paths may vary but the destination is one.
So I wanted to read more about this one-line story I heard about how Krishna defeated Narakasura and the origin of it. And man if I say it made me cry, weep.
To dive into this story we have to travel from Kaliyug to Krita(Sathya) Yug
When the earth was in the hands of destruction by the asura Hrinyaksha and to save the earth and defeat Hrinyaksha, the almighty Vishnu took in the form of Varaha, as both Hrinyaksha and Varaha fought, Varaha overpowered Hiranaksha and at the end defeating him and also restored the earth to its original position in the universe
Varaha defeated Hiranaksha with ease and his only exertion was a drop of sweat, which fell to the ground. From that drop, a young warrior rose, his name was Naraka.
Is that when Bhoodevi and her heartbeat as a mother, her eyes watered at the scene of her son rising from her Swami’s drop of sweat. How could she not love him as he is her son, with love Bhoodevi hugged her son and smiled at how strong and a warrior he was. Bhoodevi turned and asked her Prabhu Varaha that her son should be invincible. Varaaha pulled out one of his tusks and gave it to Naraka saying he could use it as a weapon whenever he was in great danger.
Naraka accepted the weapon provided by his father and felt immensely blessed and ready to go to seek his fortune, as his father provided him advice on how to use the power to do only good.
‘Uphold Dharma’ said Varaha and Bhoodevi blessed her son as happy tears fell from her lotus-like eyes.
Just like any mother, her heart is filled with love and confidence for her son. She does not doubt her son becoming powerful in all three worlds and being just like her Swami. Varaha looked at Bhoodevi and smiled at her nodding his head as if he knew what she was thinking, but his smile didn’t seem to be filled with confidence.
Varaha smiled, his son will be powerful but the question is will he uphold the dharma to do good things, will he use his powers to be righteous, cause great power comes with great responsibilities.
As the yugas rolled one by one from Krita(Sathya) to Treta, to Dwaparyug. Lord Vishnu again came down to earth in the form of Krishna, Yadava. He vanquished his Uncle Kamsa and continued to restore dharma on the earth.
Just like the yugas rolled down, Naraka also grew very powerful, as he conquered everything from heaven and earth, he was drunk with power. That's when he snatched the celestial earrings from Aditi, the mother of Devas.
Amid the chaos, Indra the lord of devas sought Krishna’s help to vanquish Naraka. Upon hearing this Satyabama, one of the wives of Krishna, who is none other than Bhoodevi herself, got devastated and her heart ached along with anger boiled on how her son turned out. Her confidence in her son now made her feel like crying a river but as a Bhoodevi she had a job first that is to accompany her swami and solve this problem.
Both Krishna and Sathyabama left Prag-joyitisha-pura on Garuda. But entering the Prag-joyitisha-pura was not easy as the capital has four layers to its defence, The chief defender of Naraka’s capital was Mura, who was so confident that no one could penetrate the defence he had set and was relaxing deep down at the ring of defence.
But can anything be against Parandhaman himself? Krishna took down each defence layer at ease thus causing violent ripples in the water. Mura woke up from his slumber, enraged rushed out to defend and attack Krishna. Mura fell fighting against Krishna who then earned the name Murrari, the enemy of Mura.
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Upon hearing the chaos outside Naraka Narakasura himself came out and started to fight against Krishna. The fight went on day and night causing extreme chaos and it became very difficult to say who was winning. As Naraka still had the weapon provided to him by his father Varaha, he took out the deadly tusk and threw it on Krishna, who got stuck by the tusk into his chest and fell unconscious. Naraka let out a victory cry but an enraged Satyabama picked up the bow and started to fight Naraka with so much anger. Naraka was shocked and continued to fight Sathyabama not knowing her real identity just like he did with Krishna.
Sathyabama’s eyes turned red flashing anger and her love for her son was now completely overshadowed by the monster he had become. Amidst the fighting, Krishna woke up and saw Sathyabama fighting and smiled at her. Naraka is shocked to see how Krishna is now awake, no other being can able to be alive after being struck by the deadly weapon, if Krishna is alive then he must be none other than Lord Varaha himself, his father.
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Naraka fell on his knees and his father's words rang into his ears ‘Uphold Dharma’. He realized that he had failed his father's words and surrendered to Krishna, who used Sudarshana chakra at Naraka.
As his life slowly leaves Naraka he subconsciously surrenders himself to Krishna and Sathyabama. Sathyabama who was Bhoodevi born again, rushed to him and held him. The cries of sorrow, hurt, love, anger everything heard in her. As she helplessly held her son whose life slowly leaving him, Krishna silently watched the reunion of mother and son. As the tears fell on his body he found light in his dying moment. The darkness has been lifted as the dawn broke.
That day is celebrated as the festival of lights, Deepavali or Diwali, which signifies that we have to emerge from darkness to light.
@whippersnappersbookworm  @harinishivaa @thelekhikawrites  @willkatfanfromasia  @yehshuhua  @arachneofthoughts  @vibishalakshman @nspwriteups  @thirst4light  @hollogramhallucination   @celestesinsight ​  @curiousgalacticsoul  @themorguepoet @tranquilsightseer
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chameleon66 · 3 months
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Pushed down
Pairings: Alador x Darius
Words count: 1,586
Warning: Angst, abusive parents, Odalia, (Tell me if I need to add anything else)
Author’s note: This is my late christmas gift to you all, this also has no connection to any of my previous Fics and I may or may not post another new fic tomorrow we’ll see what happens. I was also thinking about maybe writing something not about the Owl house but maybe about other shows that I enjoy so we’ll see how everything works out.
“Alador, what's wrong? Why are you crying?”
“Nothing’s wrong Raine, I’m fine.”
“No you’re not Alador, come on you can tell me anything.”
“No I can’t.”
“Alador, you know you can trust me, I’m your friend.”
“Well, ok but swear you’ll never tell anyone.”
“Of course, anything said between us stays between us.”
“I…I-I broke up with Darius today.”
“What! Why? You both are crazy about each other.”
“My parents arranged a marriage for me with Odalia and I don’t marry her then they swore to make sure Darius will never get into the Abomination coven and that’s been Darius’s dream forever. what kind of person would I be if I let that happen?”
“Why didn’t you just tell Darius that?”
“I didn’t think of that, but now it’s too late Darius probably won’t even breathe in my direction now.”
“...Well Alador you might just have to try.”
“What's the point? I’ll still have to marry Odalia and you swore you wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“Ok, you’re right Alador, I gave you my word so I won’t tell anyone.”
“Thanks Raine.”
Despite the fact this conversation happened over thirty years ago Raine still remembered it. Well more like they remembered it after they started the rebellion with Eberwolf and Darius and Darius was always talking about ‘That hack’ A.K.A Alador.
On the outside their rivalry might have looked childish or just driven by jealousy but for Raine who knew the actual backstory of the two it was actually quite heartbreaking to watch.
But Raine was a witch of their word so they at the time just listened to Darius rant about Alador. Even if Darius wouldn’t admit it to Raine or anyone else, they could still see Darius still had some kind of feelings towards Alador but most likely just tried to bury them away and turn them into spite towards him.
Now with the death of Belos the Boiling isles had returned to something near normal. There was now a permanent portal between the Demon realm and the Human realm, Raine had gotten back together with Eda, Alador had divorced Odalia and he was now working on an invention that could remove coven sigils with Raine and Darius helping him work on it.
Darius was still trying to act like he didn’t care for Alador but Raine regnonized the way that Darius would look at Alador when they were both working as the same look that he’d look at Alador with when they were dating.
Maybe if Darius wasn’t so bitter about the break up they would actually happen but that would mean some one who knew why Alador broke up with Darius (Raine) would have to tell Darius and Raine gave Alador their word and they didn’t want to break Alador’s trust.
Raine needed Advice from someone who was stable, rational and had self-control.
—Timeskip—
Darius arrived at Alador’s lab with Raine, though Darius was the old one talking, Raine was being very quiet. Alador also took note of this but let the thought go and continued on with his work. By lunch Darius had enough of the silent treatment and asked.
“Raine, are you ok? You’ve been awfully quiet.”
Raine’s arms stiffened and he looked away but still nervously answered. “I’m ok.”
Alador took the initiative and spoke next. “So why have you been so quiet all day?”
Raine pressed their lips together as their eyes darted around the room, this silence lasted only a few seconds though.
“I accidentally drank a vial of blabber serum instead of my migraine medicine this morning and I”ve been trying to avoid talking all day because I don’t want to say something that wasn’t meant to be said out loud.” Raine blurted out all in one breath.
Darius and Alador looked at eachother then back at Raine. “That’s all.” Darius shrugged, “Raine come on, you're an open book, you don’t have any secrets to spill.”
“Actually I know a lot of secrets.” Raine’s expression conveyed a look of hesitation and embarrassment by the blush on their face. “Like Hunter’s secret fear of thunderstorms, that time I caught Eberwolf sleep walking through the castle, why Alador broke up with you, Eda’s unpaid tab for apple blood at-.”
“Hang on, hang on, hang on, back up.” Darius held out his hands in a stopping motion easing Raine to silence themself. “Did you just say why Alador broke up with me?”
“Yes.” Raine answered back to Darius, Darius glanced back at Alador who was frozen like a deer in headlights on the freeway. Darius turned back to Raine with a hint of a flush on his face. And then came the million dollar question past his lips.
“Raine, why did Alador break-up with me?”
Alador began shaking his head back and forth vigorously at Raine but it was of no use.
“Alador’s parents were forcing him to marry Odalia and he didn’t want to but when he said no they swore to make sure you’d never get accepted into the Abomination coven and Alador knew how much that meant to you, so he broke up with you and the only reason I know is because I found him crying in the bathroom and I promised that I wouldn’t tell anyone.” Raine’s voice was squeaky through his explanation and after they were finished talking they shut their eyes tightly unwilling to look at the two witches.
Darius’s world went blank for a minute, after the break up Darius had always looked at that snake (Odalia) and wondered how Alador could be so blind to her abuse and manipulation. Why had he chosen to be with her when he and Alador were happy together? This led Darius into thinking that he wasn’t good enough and that was a burden he had to fight for a long time.
But it turned out that Alador didn’t break up with him because he didn’t love him quite the opposite. Alador broke up with him because he loved him and wasn’t selfish enough to hold him back from his dreams just because he wanted to be with him even if that just made things worse for him in his life.
He had done it all for him, endured all of those years with Odalia for him.
“Alador?” Darius looked back to Alador who’s eyes were fixated on the ground and his right hand was fisted in the fabric of his coat and the blush was clear on his face. Darius sighed, they couldn’t go on like this. Something had to change.
“Raine?” Raine’s eyes opened to look at Darius and he waited for Darius to speak again. “Can you give us a minute?” Darius’s eyes darted to the door then back at Raine.
“I’ll go make myself some tea.” Raine quietly excused themself and quickly walked out of the room.
Darius turned on his heels to face Alador who still refused to look at him, Darius knew that it was now or never and took a deep but silent breath then spoke softly to Alador.
“Is what Raine said true? About you breaking up with me?” Darius knew it was a dumb question but needed it to be confirmed for him to fully believe it.
“Yeah it’s true.” Alador admitted. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want you to be held back.” Alador blinked a few times, probably trying to disguise the tears in his eyes but Darius had already taken note of them.
“Don’t apologize Al.” Alador froze, Darius hadn’t called him that nickname in so many years. “You’ve really just wanted me to be happy, even after we broke up?” Darius felt his throat tighten as he finished his sentence.
“It wasn’t easy but I knew how much being in the Abomination coven meant to you and I also figured you’d find someone new, sooner or later.” Tears were now rolling down Alador’s cheek yet he was trying to wipe them away.
Darius acting on pure impulse took both of Alador’s hands in his and spoke again. “What if I don’t want to find someone new, I like what I already have.” Darius watched a flush made its way up Alador’s face “or at least what I used to have.” Darius added.
Alador’s face was now bright red; his eyes quickly went from Darius’s eyes to his lips then back down to the floor. “I…I still…love you too, Dar.” Alador mumbled and Darius smiled hearing his old nickname.
Darius leaned into Alador and captured his lips in a tender kiss, even after all these years the kiss still felt familiar, the way Darius’s hand fonded through Alador’s hair while the other rested in Alador’s hand, it all just felt so comforting and like home.
The next day at work Alador and Darius told Raine they were going to try again and Raine couldn’t have been happier for them.
But Raine really needed to hand it to Hooty, they had not thought that his insane plan would work.
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Hot Blood
- Part 2 -
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Scenario: being emotional you pay Ten a nightly visit and unexpectedly stay over for not just sex but also coffee in bed
Pairing: Ten x female reader
Requested: no
Genre: smut /fluff
Warnings: making out, blowjob, mentions of sexual intercourse, swearing, slight tension/awkwardness the morning after
Word Count: 1700+
A/N: there's a timeskip to the next morning, since I skipped writing "the actual sex part", so this isn't very explicit. The second half is soft and fluffy.
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With a shaky breath you halted in front of his door and knocked.
Only a few seconds later the door swung open and Ten appeared right in front of you. His expression was neutral and before he could make a smug comment, you just slightly shook your head.
You weren't here to fight, he could tell. For once these days your blood wasn't boiling at his sight.
"Make me feel alive."
You stood in front of him with longing eyes and pain in your chest.
And he understood.
Ten took you in immediately and pushed the door shut behind you.
He captured your lips with a passionate kiss.
"Take off your clothes", he adviced, breaking away from you just moments later.
You did as you were told and he was quick to do the same.
Rather recklessly, he threw his clothes on the floor before lifting you up. He carried you to his bed and lowered you down.
You sunk into the sheets with him on top of you.
His skin felt nice against yours and a part of you didn't believe this was happening. It was rushed and unreasonable.
Your mind couldn't fathom the situation. Too much was going on at once. And at the same time nothing at all. Like the clocks stood still.
"If you don't want the others to know, keep quiet." Ten gave you a meaningful look because he knew. He understood you were coming to him secretly and just for this. Not because of what Kun had said and not for anybody to know.
His mouth met yours again and you dared to move your hands around his sides, running them down the curve of his back. The tips of your fingers felt tingly from the touch.
Ten smirked satisfied, noticing your instincts taking over. He pulled back to look at you again.
You swallowed as if you were realizing what you were doing and stopped your hands from gliding any further. There were a lot of things you wanted to say to him but you couldn't find the words.
"Just tell me if I'm doing anything you have a problem with."
His reminder was followed by some kisses he trailed down your neck. He supported himself on his elbows to not put his entire body weight on you as his mouth kept moving downwards, over your collarbone to your breasts. He was leaving slow kisses and only built up your lust, getting to your patience.
One of your hands found its way around his waist and almost casually you began gliding it up and down his growing erection.
You weren't thinking.
You heard Ten taking in a sharp breath against your skin, not having expected this move from you. It was a pleasant surprise, though.
"Move over", you whispered, letting go of his cock again.
Ten rolled over on his back like you had asked and with interest watched you settle between his sprawled legs. Only then did he realize what exactly your plan was.
You bent forward and took him into your mouth, slowly and while looking up at Ten.
You could already taste the salty precum on your tongue and kept moving up and down on his firm erection.
"Fuck", he muttered under his breath when you licked along his shaft and sucked at the tip.
Somehow you found a bit of relief through that reaction. You never imagined Ten to be vocal in bed but that was only due to not seeing him in that scenario. Now it totally made sense.
And it helped you feel right about this.
"Are you sure you're here for that?" He groaned quietly, pressing his head back into the pillow. "Not complaining."
You let him plop out between your lips and outstretched one hand to let it glide up his torso.
"I'm here for anything."
His lusty gaze met yours as you were palming his member busily now.
"You really are."
He had figured this would go the entire other way around than it seemed. And you came to him, so he really wanted to please you. But that would have to wait.
You were so eager to get him off.
As if that gave you the satisfaction you needed. It surely wouldn't prove the accusations of your blood boiling or you being into Ten in some way wrong either.
_
"Just stay tonight", he whispered against your back, pulling you closer into the form of his body.
And you didn't resist the embrace. For one night it would be alright.
Soon the both of you fell asleep like this.
In the morning he was up before you and he quietly got ready, careful not to wake you.
You woke up alone in the foreign room and sat up. Your head was still in a daze when the door opened and Ten slipped inside again, pulling it shut behind him immediately.
He took in the picture of you in his bed with messy hair, awaiting some sort of grumpiness from you.
But you stayed silent with the panic arising in your chest the more awake and aware you were becoming.
"Coffee?" Ten asked eventually and stepped forward, handing you a cup.
You hesitantly took it from him but avoided his gaze. Still, you could tell he was untypically cautious.
"I can get you milk and sugar if you need. You probably want to hide out here a while longer, the guys are still wilding around." He walked over to his desk, turning his backside to you.
"Ten?" Your voice was fragile.
"I haven't said anything. You know I would love to rub it under their noses but I won't. And I also won't question why you're here."
"Thank you", that was the only thing you could bring yourself to say to him. But even showing this little bit of gratitude was hard.
You looked at him as he was shuffling through some papers, standing in the sun he let in through the opened drapes now.
Obviously, he had taken a shower. He was wearing fresh clothes and his hair looked still a little out of place from the way he must have rubbed it dry.
He seemed even more peaceful in this lighting and the white shirt. Soft almost.
You cleared your throat. More to stop thinking about that than anything else but unfortunately it did bring Ten to give you attention.
He let the papers sink down on the desk again and gave you an interested look.
Now you had to say something or it would become really weird.
"Are you sure that nobody knows?"
You could tell from his face that his first instinct was to mock you but that wave of emotion passed and instead he licked his lips, nodding slowly.
Relaxing a bit in your position you took a sip of the coffee. Your mind was too busy to realize Ten was coming over to you.
He sat down on the end of his bed. "Don't regret it. It's fine. It was good." After all, he couldn't help but tease you a little bit at least.
You hadn't even put on your clothes again, only the blanket was covering you. And his words made you very aware of that.
Although it wasn't like your stuff was still lying around. Ten had picked it up from the floor and placed it on a chair behind the door. Just in case.
"I'll get going as soon as it's not dangerous to be seen anymore. I promise. I won't hold you up with your plans for the day."
Ten ignored that comment. There was something else occupying his mind. "You're pretty hot."
Uncomfortable, you shifted in your position and rubbed your thighs together. You felt the heat spreading on your cheeks and wordlessly stared at the cup in between your hands. Why was he doing this?
Then again, had you really expected him to not make you even more miserable after what had happened last night?
God. Had you really followed a stupid impulse to come over, getting inside the apartment with the lock combination you coincidentally still remembered? Unbelievable that you would have showed up at Ten's room out of nowhere, at an unreasonable hour on top of it. And then to do what?
You had been feeling so low, so empty and devastated. Of course, blowing Ten, seeing and hearing him like that, the guys who was always so content and cocky, gave your ego a little boost. You had enjoyed that. And the sex afterwards, too. It had unironically been pretty amazing how he had made you feel.
But now you sat here like this. With no clothes on still in his bed. And you had no good excuse for last night.
"Relax", he said and snickered. He was rather sure, this was his first time seeing you flustered like this. And saying he didn't enjoy it would have been a lie.
"It's okay. Tease me all you want. You deserve that much after not complaining, letting me sleep here and everything", you replied quietly. Seemed like you had to brace yourself. It was back to normal now.
But he only got up from the bed again. "I'll check up on the others."
When he left the room, you took the time to get dressed again. Your hair was a mess as you could tell from the mirror in the corner but there was not much you could have done about that in this moment.
A few minutes later he returned and looked at you with a serious expression. "You're free to go."
Tense, you handed the empty cup to him and gave him a brief nod before you passed him by and escaped the apartment.
He had been nice. Too nice. And you weren't quite sure what to think of it. Or how to deal with this in the future.
Had you seriously cuddled after sex? Why the hell had you gone over there for him to make you feel alive? How did he somehow make you feel so safe?
Had Ten just been a perfect gentlemen, letting you sleep in and making you coffee in the morning? He had been calm and respectful. Accepted all your boundaries and not told the other guys but helped you hide and wait it out until the cost was clear. And truly not for his sake as it seemed.
Maybe you hadn't just imagined it before. Ten really had an oddly peaceful aura. Maybe that's why you had slept so well for the first time in a while.
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Part 1 / Continue with part 3
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Special Edition part 30
I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to finish these, I've been very busy and I also have har major writers block with this. My next Smau is gonna be much different
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This is my brand new Avater Smau. It's a ZukoxF.!Reader pairing. Title: From Then On...
Trigger warning: Slight swear warning! Mentions of sex! If you're sensitive to these kinds of things, read at your own risk!
As a bridesmaid, Y/n meets one of the groomsmen, Zuko, at her sisters pre wedding dinner and hit it off so well, he asks her out. Y/n's sister warns her not to get  too close. She decides to follow her advice but keeping him at arms length proves more difficult than she expects...
Zuko's P.O.V.
As Naomi watched my daughter I couldn't help but to pace back and forth outside the temple, with one of my hands on my hips. I was trying to wrap my head around this whole thing. Was she really gone? No she couldnt be gone. Could she? I was also scared to lose her to my sister, but over her giving birth I never dreamed. Maybe she was too stressed. I know we both were. In which case Azula technically did kill her and I'll be planning my revenge against her.
    "Zuko..."
   "Uncle dont try to talk me out of anything because it wont work. Azula did this to her and I'm gonna make her pay"
I could hear the anger rising in my voice as I spoke.
    "I wasnt going to nephew, I was just going to say I have laid Y/n down to rest on her final resting place if you would like to say goodbye to her"
    
Once again I started to pace.
    "No....I can't say goodbye to her...I won't just...let me get back at Azula for what she did"
    "Get back at me, yeah right I'd like to see you try,"
He mocking tone sent fire coursing through my spine and I didnt even notice how I had made fire daggers appear in my hands.
     "You did this!!" I shouted in pure rage.
    "Guilty" she smirked with a mocking laugh.
I shot a fire blast at her throwing her back into the pole.
    "I should've ended you when I had the chance!"
    "But you didn't, why is that I wonder. Must be the good heart you got from mother. I'm glad I took after father"
I could feel the anger boiling hotter within the second and all I could see was the hot orange fire blast I had now aimed directly at my sister. Of course she had to immediately defend herself with her blue fire. At that moment I didnt care. I was determined to win. I breathed heavily from the rage and the will power it took to keep from  breaking my end. Azula knew I was in a weakened state and unfortunately used this to her advantage. She made her flame larger, dissipating mine knocking me to the ground.
     "Face it Zuko, you've never been as strong as me and never will be" Azula laughed mockingly as she stepped closer.
I rested up on my elbows again as I looked at her. I could see out of the corner of my eye Mai and Jett staying back and out of the way. Smart choice on their end. I stared at my sister directly.
     "What are you waiting for then? End it,"
    Azula smirked, "Oh I will and I'm gonna enjoy it,"
My heart raced as she made lightening come from her finger tips. Though I could feel at that moment a slight sense of peace because I knew I would see Y/n again.
      "Zuko no!" My uncle called out.
    "Stay back uncle its okay,"
     "No!"
My uncle tried to go after my sister but all she did was knock him down and smirked back at me. I knew she was enjoying this too much. Just as she made the lightening bigger a large amount of air was shot directly towards us and my head turned so quickly to the side I almost gave myself whiplash.
    "How many times have I told you Azula??? Leave me and Zuko alone!"
A bright smile came to my face.
     "Y/n??"
Despite not wanting to tears actually came to my face seeing her. Not to mention even more pure joy seeing the look of anger that crossed my sisters face.
     "What?! That's not possible!" Azula cursed in anger.
     "Surprise bitch-"
A blue fire blast was shot her way but it was quickly extinguished with air. I smirked watching her feeling ever so glad to have met her.
Y/n's P.o.V
I laughed looking at Azula. A part of me honestly couldnt believe how pathetic she was.
     "That all you got" I taunted.
It was worth it to see how angry she was becoming. She shot another fire blast at me and once again I blocked. Once the fire was diminished, I kept an air circle going and Naomi shot fire directly into the air circle causing it shoot directly at Azula. She looked shocked and a little scared. Again a fire blast from the girl only made this more fun for me. Noami threw a bucket of water into the air circle. I was able to manipulate the water and knock her directly onto her feet with it. The surprised look on her face actually made a laugh escape my lips. However she didnt give up as she stood to her feet shooting a larger blue flame at me. I made a side ways cyclone to dissipate it being knocked back a few feet. Naomi turned it up a notch and threw in several rocks, catching her off guard knocking her down again.
    "Had enough yet?"
I smirked proudly.
     "Never,"
She stood to her feet, forming lightning in her hands aiming it directly at me. I didn't hesitate for even a second making a larger cyclone appear. Noami took charge, throwing fire, water and earth into it allowing me to manipulate all elements giving it everything I've got making Azula fall weakly to the ground. She panted as I stepped closer.
    "How?"
    "I may not be the Avatar, Azula, but I am an Airbender and I know how to manipulate other elements, so yes I am stronger than you. Deal with it. Now I am going to take Zuko back to Ba Sing Se where our family is and you are never and I mean never going to hurt my family or friends ever again!"
    She chuckled, "You'll never get Mai and Jett on your side," she mocked.
    I snickered, "Sorry to tell you sweetheart but they took off...together, so you're on your own"
I turned my back to her laughing as I walked over to Zuko helping him stand up.
    "You alright Zu?" I asked him softly.
    "Yes I'm fine but...How are you alive?" He asked dumbfounded.
     "I didnt mean to scare you love but it was the only way I could think to defeat Azula, please dont be angry with me"
He just looked at me for a moment before quickly wrapping his arms around me holding me tightly.
    "Angry? I could never be angry with you. I was just scared,"
He buried his face in my neck as gentle tears fell from his eyes.
     "Its okay I'm here my love, you didnt tell any of our friends I was dead did you?"
His eyes widened as he looked at me.
    "Zuko?!"
    "They had a right to know and I thought you were gone,"
  
I couldnt help to smile softly at him.
     "I guess they did," I chuckled, "Come on we will go tell them together as we check on our daughter together,"
I took his hand smiling gently as I walked inside with him. I wasnt sure how today was gonna turn out but I can tell you one thing I'm not disappointed and now I dont have to be afraid anymore. I can finally be happy with the one I truly love.
    
Part 31 Series Finale will be out today...
Taglist:
@cece-lives-here
@uniquefoxheart
@charlenasaxen
@todayiwantabrownie
@xbarrjallenx
@waitingforrealitytoexist
@nagisasgirl
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eeveecraft · 8 months
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I randomly got recommended a post of yours on my dash today and I kinda wanted to vent/ask something of your thought because it keep haunting me.
With how people are towards the term tulpa without second thought where leave people who use it because of branch to Buddhism?
I was raised Buddhist and there was belief similar that impact my family at its core but because of where we live my parent died never giving me terms and details only the concepts. When I in similar practice made, by accident, th3se people I looked for a word and found tulpa as this safe similar that respected it wasn't exactly a specific Buddhist branch but for me was Buddhist related and gave me way to touch my own linage while unable to directly know.
I probably just use it badly to have purposely wanted that Buddhist connection but then what do I call them? What term is meant to be used for devotion and formation beings that don't fully cross either axis? Wish things were not so scary to ask and wonder. I worry lot about this as the hate grew bigger.
Do you have any advice or words?
Sign unknown sect JPN Buddist with unintentionally made, yet through intentional actions formed beings and had them for many years now
Sorry if phrased badly or not clear. Stress seem to make my English much worse 😔
I've read your ask a few times to see if I fully understand it, so bear with me, and don't feel bad about your English. English is a stupid melting pot of various things and is literally the most inconsistent language in the world, so as long as people can understand you, that's what matters. So please, correct me if I misunderstand or misinterpret anything you've said.
So, from what I gathered, you use tulpa specifically to connect to Buddhism in some way, shape, or form because your parents passed away prematurely before they could pass much down unto you. And your question seems to boil down to, "If we shouldn't connect tulpa to Buddhism, what do I call them?" And honestly, my answer is: you bring up a very unique and interesting perspective.
You connect the word tulpa to Buddhism because you're Buddhist and gives you a sense of connection to a lineage you likely will never get to know. And quite frankly, I don't see what you do as a bad thing. In fact, I can kind of relate to it in a weird way. Your situation with your family, I mean. Your perspective kind of proves my point: tulpa is a murky word with murky origins that just isn't perfect. But no word is perfect.
As for any kind of alternative, I'm not quite sure. People keep saying to just call tulpas systemmates, but it generalizes tulpas and ignores what sets them apart from any other systemmate type. It ignores the tulpa creation process, and the journey most people choose to take to create their tulpa. If any of our followers know of any terms that match this anon's description, feel free to reblog them!
Also, this kind of just further proves the point of people who label tulpa as a racist term and that only Asians and/or Buddhists should dictate that, and here you have an Asian Buddhist who personally connects it to Buddhism as a positive thing for themself. There are people who disagree that tulpa is racist, but these people just ignore those voices and only promote those who agree with them. It's super annoying and it's why I compared it to a pissing match in my previous post.
I'm sorry I can't give a more concrete answer, but I just want you to know that I don't think you're wrong for doing what you're doing and why.
7-23-2023
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astralscrivener · 6 months
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Re: The Fic Ask Game
20. 43, 77, 86
you don’t gotta answer all of these, I just wanted to give you options 🥰❤️❤️
Also bonus! #5 cause I want you to be able to hype your playlists if you’d like to 🥰❤️❤️❤️🤝
I love you E❣️🥰❤️❤️❤️🤝 have fun darling! 🥰❤️
5. have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son
since these are fanfic asks i will drop links to fic playlists!
stealing our own place in the sun: season 4 | season 5 | season 6 | season 7 | season 8
at skyfall
secret project #1
secret project #2
20. what is your favorite trope to write?
oh god. it always ends up boiling down to "things are getting really dangerous and i don't know who we can trust, but if no one else, i trust you." the sheer fucking DEVOTION of it all. the only certainty in a world full of uncertainty. the anchor against the tides of chaos. it's SO. IT'S SOOOOOOO
(the "let's go undercover as a prisoner and the guard assigned to them" trope that i also always gravitate towards falls under this, imo)
43. how did writing change you?
it gave me an outlet. i have a lot of emotions all the time always and a lot of them very negative and writing has given me an outlet for them. sometimes i make a character go through bad things just to beat the shit out of them until i calm down. sometimes i make them go through bad things to get the catharsis of seeing them overcome it (the more hurt, the sweeter the comfort, and i love comfort). sometimes i make them go through things (usually emotional things) similar to what i'm going through so i can kind of walk myself through processing it. and sometimes i want to write a villain so i can get all my evil evil evil thoughts out onto the page without actually hurting anyone. except my blorbos and ocs. sorry to my blorbos and ocs. it will happen again
77. how do you write kissing scenes?
i don't
but the real answer is it's HARD. i struggled for a long time and then i got some really good advice and i cannot for the life of me remember where it came from. it might have come from a romance writing class i took for my mfa. it might have come from some blog, maybe tumblr, maybe elsewhere. or it might have come from nico beta'ing my fics. but the point is: the actual kiss is not the point
it's about the buildup. it's about the intimacy. it's not the physical action of the barbies smashing faces, it's the little touches as the people kissing pull each other closer, the little noises they make, the surging and swelling emotions inside of them. if two random people kiss and we just see their faces mash, it's not exciting. but if we watch them hesitate, if we watch their lips brush and they pull back, briefly, nervously, before surging back in for each other, THAT'S the good shit
anyway i hate writing kissing scenes
86. which season best matches the mood of your wip(s)?
oh god. gut reaction is fall or winter. on occasion spring or summer. i can come up with a justification for pretty much any season but fall and winter came to mind first. fall is a season of change. things are dying and decaying. it's a gorgeous time of year, it's my favorite season, but there's always a bittersweetness to it. and something about it feels dangerous. it's getting colder. the nights are getting longer. it's building towards the longest night of the year on the winter solstice.
and then winter is a time of freeze. everything is dead, slow, hibernating. things honestly seem kind of hopeless. but gradually the days start getting longer. resolve starts building back again. many characters are Going Through It, and there are always a few unaffected, maybe even strengthened by the cold and stillness to be the backbone of the group, carrying them through until spring comes again
where was i going with this
fanfic writer ask game!
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forabeatofadrum · 1 year
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Thank you @artsyunderstudy​, @bookish-bogwitch​, @tea-brigade​ and @cutestkilla​ for the tags. A woo and another woo to you, for yet another El WooWoo Wednesday.
I still haven’t written anything new for aap noot mies. Do you know that piece writing advice that suggests writing something else when you’re stuck on a fic? Yes, I did that. I am absolutely ignoring the shit out of SJAEU, since it distracted me from aap noot mies in the first place, but this finally gave me the chance to start my Carry On Prompt Fest fic! 
+44 7136 070592 (20:13)
[ID: image of a blond man with curly hair, lying naked on his back, with a human sized goldfish on top of him]
+44 7136 070592 (20:13)
lol
+44 7136 070592 (20:13)
do you think this is the right pic???
+44 7136 070592 (20:14)
shep?
+44 7136 070592 (20:17)
shep???
+44 7136 070592 (20:25)
I sincerely apologise for this message, I now see you are the wrong person
Ah yes, formatting text fics! My favourite thing. Please, do not think to call Simon, since I randomly generated his number online, so I have no clue where it leads to.
And fuck, have some aap noot mies anyway:
Blaine also likes that Kurt is curious. He doesn’t just listen to Blaine’s ramblings about the language, he also asks questions that no other beginning student often asks.
(...)
And Kurt always writes the answers down, even when Blaine feels like his answer is unsatisfactory, but with a lot of grammar and spelling rules, the answer boils down to “it’s just like that”. Kurt gets that, and he still finds it interesting.
Although he said he feels some anger towards Dutch language for having so many exceptions to grammar rules, and even though Blaine never had to learn the language the ‘manual way’, he is inclined to agree.
Dutch makes no sense, pass it on!
Tagging @quizasvivamos @spookyklaine​ @coffeegleek @esperantoauthor @otherworldsivelivedin @bookish-bogwitch@caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @bazzybelle @dragoneggo @raenestee​  @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @takitalks @ivelovedhimthroughworse @justgleekout @cerriddwenluna @wellbelesbian @facewithoutheart​​ @martsonmars​ @confused-bi-queer
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recalcitrantbeetroot · 10 months
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Look, I still don't know how to use Tumblr correctly, but this seems like the place to put late night, rambling, fanfic planning, head cannon-y, speculative brain rot. Normally, I just put this in the notes section of my phone, but I'm... I dunno, I'm trying this blog thing or whatever.
Sorta, kinda spoilers for my ME3 fanfiction that I absolutelywillwriteandpostsomedayIswear. If you don't want to know my Shepard too much ahead of time at least.
So I have gone "on record" about loving all my Mass Effect squad members and team mates and other NPCs before, and largely that's true. I don't even hate Allers, though I think they did Emily Wong dirty and I'm still mad about that. But there are definitely characters who I rarely pick for missions and because my fanfiction is going to follow pretty closely to how I play my ideal ME run (because it makes me happy damnit), I have been trying to understand why my Shep picks who she picks and why she leaves certain characters behind a lot.
Enter Javik.
I think he's an interesting character, but I personally find him an Oscar the Grouch and there are squaddies I would much rather take because I enjoy their banter and personalities more. But why would Shep not take him? Especially when his experience with actually killing Reapers would probably be pretty useful. (Side note: wasted character potential here not having Javik be more useful with Reaper killing advice. I know he's a DLC character but still.) Working with difficult, stubborn people isn't new. Neither are vengeful teammates or overly violent aliens that she has no real authority over. And my girl is more than stubborn enough to lock horns with him regularly over their moral differences, so that's not an issue. I think it really boils down to the fact that he makes her really effing uncomfortable because she feels like she could have BEEN him.
Erin didn't want to wake him up on Eden Prime.
At all.
Here is someone who really should be dead, about to be brought back into a galaxy he won't recognize, without any prior knowledge of his beliefs and without his consent. In that moment, Liara is all giddy and Shepard is experiencing the ghost of what would be flashbacks if she remembered her death and the Cerberus experimentation that followed. On top of having her brain hijacked by those terminals with Prothean data on them.
Alliance Command gave her orders to pick up the "artifact" and Cerberus will do goodness knows what with an actual, living Prothean, so in spite of the moral implications, waking him up to at lease give him a say in what happens to him seems like a halfway decent choice. But those implications weigh heavily on Erin, someone who spent all of ME2 not dealing with the fact that nothing she knew was the same as before her death and really wishing she hadn't been brought back.
Eden Prime really puts her six months of intensive therapy while incarcerated to the test.
And then Javik wakes up and he's an imperialistic, genocidal, vendetta bound weapon of vengeance ... and it all hits a little too close to home. Because if a few things had gone a little different in ME2 ... if Cerberus had been able to wake her up properly and spent time brainwashing her ... maybe she would have been the same.
Not that it actually would have happened, because she's Commander Shepard. And while her perspective is suggestable, her moral compass is not. But Commander Mothereffing Erin Shepard is still just one woman who now has to save the whole damn galaxy and is also madly in love with a man who still thinks she's a Cerberus puppet and it's throwing her for a bit of a loop so she spends the first part of ME3 having a crisis of confidence. *deep breath* She hates waking up Javik and mostly leaves him to brood until Thessia. Maybe I'll have him be more involved earlier, because you know I'm not sticking to the two squad mates only bs on every mission. But so far that's all minus some finale stuff and on ship interactions obviously.
If you made it this far. You're super cool and I love you. And I'm sorry for the inherent weirdness that will continue to be a constant presence on anything I touch on this platform.
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kidflashimpulse · 1 year
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Hey! I wanted to ask this anonymously first before I embarrassed myself but I just started my first young justice blog and I really need some help coming up with fic ideas, with writing, with a lot of stuff I'm a complete mess, an I was wondering if it's not much trouble, could I get some help?
Hey :)) omg that’s so exciting! looking forward to checking out ur blog :D just saying in advance to hopefully squash any worries and to scale expectations, i’m not the best person with communication and can take a while to respond to messages (also sorry bout the slight delay with answering this one, i do hope u see it i can’t remember if anon questions notifies the sender 😭). I cant guarantee being the most helpful person either but i’d be happy to try to help where/if i can :)
in terms of general advice for fics/writing which i think tbh is the best one (that i use to try to motivate myself to write for fics) is to just start writing! like literally anything, as soon as u feel like even a second of inspiration or motivation just go with the flow. Whether it’s one sentence, a paragraph or 1000 words lol, just putting words on a page is a great start already. It doesn’t need to be perfect at all, my first fic (unposted) ended up being long with multiple chapters and all the writing throughout was so questionable lol but i was and still am so proud of it! It gave me experience and the learning curve was inspiring that i was excited to try to write even more stuff after. I noticed with each chapter i slowly found a rhythm and improved step by step. Even if it’s just tiny things that u learn, it makes all the difference. You 100% learn as u go, even now whenever i post something i’m like damn i could make a million changes or be annoyed/critical at something but ultimately i’m just happy to have posted something to share with others and contribute a little something to a community of people who share the same interests as me :) and that’s rlly all that matters and as u start doing that u can develop more ideas and “what ifs” to explore i.e more fic ideas etc
in terms of structure for working on fics id say it rlly depends on the individual. for me i usually write a rough outline/summary of what the fic is basically about. I usually try to have key details summarised where they all connect until the end of the fic, so that after that’s done, u can then flesh out the individual chapters or paragraphs out better. But things like plot can also really change whilst ur writing! It all boils down to what inspires u to write.
It’s not bad to have no ideas, i think it’s actually super cool for people to start out with a really simple/basic prompt (maybe something like: oh flash family go to a restaurant or zetaflash go to an arcade or outsiders play board games (lol)) something like that and then u can expand on the story with dialog/events/characterisation/description that really fills it up and makes up the chunkier part of the fic where it almost at times feels like it writes itself.
also fics really doesn’t need to be long at all if that’s something u might find intimidating, my stuff tends to be quite wordy because that’s just how i write (as u can see from most of my ask answers where i just go on and on like can i shut up for once? lmfao) if anything, i admire people who can get points/description/stories across through concise writing or short stories! that’s a real impressive skill too
if u want to start writing fics to post, 100% start writing anything, literally anything and eventually u will manage to figure out ur own workflow/style that suits u best :) i’m 100% still learning too, i mean i have yet to finish a multi chapter fic, but by reminding myself that any writing is a good step somewhere, despite the slow progress, i can still be motivated to keep working on it. i hope these general tips managed to help u somewhat 🙏 again rlly looking forward to checking out ur blog <3
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protectbrowngirls · 2 years
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hi, so i need advice. throughout hs i didn't really realize how badly i needed to prep for college, and when it came to applying my senior year, i got rejected from all of them except for two; i chose the one i liked due to being able to dorm, since i have abusive parents and am also a closeted lesbian. however, my father forced me to commit to another school here & stay at home? i tried my hardest to fight him but i just... gave in, i guess. but i am still planning to transfer to another college asap, i just don't know if i should continue being committed to this college or opt for the community college here instead and go to a four-year college after two years there (they guarantee you a spot at whatever college you'd like if you meet some requirements). or i might just run away, i don't know. i'm eighteen, but my parents don't treat me as such; i just figured i would ask for advice and see what you have to say, because i fear that if i don't leave now, i'll never be able to.
It sounds like you're in a really frustrating and scary situation right now. I'm sorry you're stuck living with abusive parents and unable to live the life you want to. I completely understand the fear of being stuck forever; it's hard not knowing what the right choice is and when freedom will be yours.
Transferring colleges is a good way to potentially put some distance between you and your parents. And a lot of people often have better chances of getting into their preferred schools as transfer students instead of applying as incoming freshmen. However, are your parents paying for your schooling, and would they continue to pay if you transfer to the other school? Are you willing and able to take out student loans? In this situation, it may make more sense to stay at home while you finish school so that you aren't immediately thrown into thousands of dollars of debt. You could also try to graduate earlier, or take study abroad options, so you don't have to spend 4 full years at home.
Community college is also a good option, and I'm glad you're thinking about it. I feel like a lot of brown families stigmatize community college unfairly. Taking classes at a community college may allow you the time to pick up a job, which can not only help you build up savings but also spend longer outside your home. These savings could help you transfer to the 4-year school of your choice in the future, or move out from your parents' home now. Additionally, an associate's degree will strengthen your college application and could help you get your bachelor's from a school you like more.
I also want to raise the possibility of taking a gap year from school to work. If you don't like the school you're attending now, it may be worthwhile to take a break, build your savings, strengthen your application, and then re-apply to schools that are farther from home and that you'd be more excited about attending.
Finally, I know things might seem now-or-never right now. When you live in a stifling environment, and that's all you've ever known, your whole life gets boiled down to the short term. But I promise you that there will always be an opportunity to leave. There are natural time points - the start of each school year, graduation, your first job - but you can also just...leave when you want to. This won't be forever. You'll be able to build a life where you are treated with respect and love. I believe in you.
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wtftarot · 2 years
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Hello 👋 I’d love to get a reading from you since your pac readings are scarily accurate and I feel like we talked before and I remember you from somewhere. If you ever gave someone a reading in September 2021 about their ex who happened to be their soulmate and then they went and talked to their ex but it didn’t go anywhere that’s me lol
My initials are A.Ö, my favorite emoji is “🫧” my zodiac sign is leo, the tarot card I resonate with the most is the Sun and my pronouns are he/they
My question is “Will I be able to have my own business (a translation agency) and make money from it?”
Thank you so much for giving these readings. You’re super awesome
Hey, @rawrda
Thanks, 'scarily accurate' is one of my favorite comments on my readings. I couldn't remember so I went and checked. I didn't do any personal readings in Sep 2021, so that wasn't me. I'm kinda shocked though, cause your energy does feel familiar. Anyway on to your reading
The answer looks like a 'yes, if..' It will take a lot of strength, heart, and adaptability. I'm getting a lot about focusing on why you're doing this, the passion, and what motivates you. Keeping that in mind will help you through the rougher parts. There may be a need to boil it down to basics, in the beginning, maybe start with one language or field like translating articles or books at first. You will need to be open to shifting focus or changing things as you go. There's a warning against being very rigid in your ideas that you can't see opportunities to grow. There's a bit here about not letting your fear of failure hold you back. And, babe. Looking at your cards, there is not one damn thing about this being a bad idea or about being cautious moving forward with it. It's all advice on how to make it work. It's all about staying strong through the rough patches. Accept help when it's offered. Let your passion carry you, but don't only work when you're super motivated. Read books on business. Educate yourself. There is so much heart here, so much ambition. I love it. You can absolutely do this and build a beautiful life around it. You need to be clear about it and build a solid foundation. Let it take time because it will. Don't try to rush it. Also, I just got this lil book of answers for bibliomancy and the message you got from that was 'Allow yourself to rest first'. Which makes sense, this is a marathon, not a sprint. If you want it to last, it will take time to build. I love this energy though and I am rooting for ya!
Good luck!
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tempestkwake · 2 months
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My Last Blood Grandparent Died Today And Someday I Will Be An Orphan And/Or Dead
This post is entirely grief processing about that title, if this is not for you, maybe skip ahead to the next one. If you do want to read this though because you think it will help you, I will put the rest of this below. I'm at least going to tw grief tag this, can't speak for other people
When I didn't know I was trans yet on a conscious level, I asked him to dance with me at my wedding instead of my father. That should tell you some things about my relationship with my sperm donor, but some very positive things about my Grandfather While I am still very hurting right this moment, I am thinking of all the gifts he gave me that I cherish There was never a time in my Grandfather's life that I did not love him with my entire heart. I knew he loved me. It was a semi-meloncholy feeling, becausse yeah my autism definitely was genetic and we did not have similar experiences with how that manifested. I knew he loved me, one of the very few social cues I actually do read well is emotional context. I might now understand why, particularly, but I do understand it somewhat
When I was trying to cope earlier today with the fact that this was always inevitable and I already knew that in November, but it was happening today or soon, I asked a lot of people for whatever help they thought they could offer. Someone offered to teach me an algebra concept I have mentioned her before a few times that I struggle with a few learning disabilities, like five I am dead certain I have whether anyone else diagnoses that or not. When you tell a member of a community about an experience you have had your entire life and they say "it do be like that" and that is in the context of that community, you better take a real close look at if that's you
One of those is dyscalculia which has not been formally diagnosed, but oh boy trust me, it definitely should have been. I don't have scope for the severity, but there was a point today where I was trying to enter a number to an email program so I could contact my therapist and tell her what was happening and get urgent advice. I couldn't make it work and had to serious ask if it was a glitch or me. I couldn't answer the question because that's where my brain is with all the things in my life right now
Given that information, you might think learning algebra wouldn't appeal to me, especially since that is a class I've failed five times, and I actually really, really am fascinated. The fact that I have failed has in some ways been my fault, but the desire was never lacking, most of it was just... It's very hard to do something you really are struggling to do because of a disability
And I think that ultimately boils down to the fact that my grandfather, upon realizing at a critical juncture and THANK GODS that he did not want to be anything like his father, joined the Army Corps of Engineers
Now I will be the first to admit that the United States government is deeply flawed in so many ways I am not sure where to begin, honestly, but in very, very general terms, if you have to like a government agency that is not like... a library, the Army Corps of Engineers is a pretty good pick I have seen with my eyes a lot of the things that my grandfather helped make happen. In fact, I know in his time at that postition before he retired? He likely worked on many of the public feature me and my fellow Californians rely on because at the time, the system was still deeply flaw, it always had been, but it did at least function for the average citizen most of the time unless you were "the wrong color or sex" (bleh, spare me)
If I didn't get my love of math from him, either directly or through my mother, his first born of four daughter (I pity him during that time period, that is too much estrogen for an autistic person who as far as I am aware was cis male), I don't know why I have it
This is also why I am able to use a computer far more confidently and correctly that your average joe citizen because he and my family have always been interested in new technological advances at the great things about them, at least in my lifetime
And also I cannot mention my Grandfather without also mentioning my Grandmother, his wife, who was an amazing woman who had equally good impact on my life and while we didn't quite see eye to eye on who I should be (myself), I knew she meant that out of a place of love and I have forgiven that harm She passed February 16th of 2020 from covid and pancreatic cancer (if you know anything, the first thing, about that particular cancer, you know why this combination is awful)
It was my Grandfather's birthday
My Grandmother, his wife whom he loved so much you could say that is ultimately why he is now dead, died on his 91st birthday
I don't even know how that could feel. I don't want to if I can escape it
I will cherish these two people in my heart for the rest of my life. I have had some truly unjust and very wrong things happen to me in my life and I am trying to cope with that as best I can, both those in the past and those current, but these two people who I came from?
They never did that, not with malice, and when they realized they hurt me, I never doubted it was an accident, not once. They apologized if they made me cry and helped me heal or at least start with whyever I was sad or angry. They tried very hard to help me
The reasons my grandfather and I never were able to connect was likely a combination of several factors including basically from the moment I started behaving I have been some version of the Black Sheep of the family and we both HAD or HAVE autism. Sometimes autism symptoms mean people with autism really CAN'T relate, even with each other
I love my nephew and cousin (both with clinical diagnoses because they are AMAB) immensely, but I do not understand how their versions of autism be doing that. That's not my fight, but I do not get that particular thing
Aspects, maybe
I may not know at this particular point how I feel about my mother's very real neglect of me as a child, but she had been in a very bad abusive relationship that is still very much affecting the people in that situation at the time in some bad ways. I am curious about what caused all this trauma I can't remember, but I am afraidn to open that box and that is a correct assessment
Still, I know that sooner or later, if I live to that point, I will be right where she is now. It doesn't matter if sperm donor is alive, my only interest in him is medical history currently
And there is a very good possibilty they will both outlive me, at least from my current vantage point at this particular point in time
I don't know how bad it is, but I did look at my Grandfather's situation today and notice some very, deeply unsettling parallels with mine right now. I'm improving at least, but I am going to tell you an unsettling fact about why I am concerned right now
I am not sure any of my memories from December, which is a shockingly small number, are in color
And while yes, I have some form of colorblindness (green/yellow), I do actually see most colors generally. I do not know what the significance of that might mean, but I do know that can't possibly be a good sign of where I was a few weeks ago
As far as I can determine, given my medium storage, long term storage, and short term storage systems DROP A LOT, I am forming more normal memories now, although the normalcy factor is probably questionable at this time
This is a terrible time for this loss in my life, but I am all too aware that this very easily could have happened when my memories were not in color, and I honestly don't know if that might have killed me at that time
Anyway, tonight I grieve for a truly good man. I did not hold all his ideals myself, but I do hold the truly important ones Also, you have to admire the restraint of a man who, however I personally feel about swearing and why it's good, absolutely would not swear unless he felt it was the only possibly word he could use
My grandfather swore, his coworkers and those under him started looking for solutions because that was a very clear Bad Sign. That's fucking effective, I don't care who you are
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fanfics4all · 3 months
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Nice Warm Drink
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Request: Yes / No List was made by @alpaca-clouds 
Requests are open only if it's CHRISTMAS/HOLIDAY/ WINTER related <3 Have a nice day/night
Dennis Cooper x Fem!Reader 
Word count: 703
Warnings: Nothing!
Y/N: Your Name 
Prompt(s):
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It was the middle of the night and I had just woken up. I always had trouble sleeping around the Holidays. My family and I were never close, so Holidays always triggered my depression. I stared up at my ceiling and sighed. I turned and glanced at my alarm clock. The bright red numbers blinked four twentyfour through the darkened room. I sighed and decided to get up. I quietly made my way through the codere and into the kitchen. I searched the cabinets and found the packets of hot chocolate. I busted out a pot and started heating up some milk. As I was pulling out a mug I heard someone padding down the steps. 
“Y/N?” Dennis asked, while rubbing his eye. 
“Hey, sorry, did I wake you?” I asked and he shook his head.
“Nah, I was up for a little bit now, but heard someone in the kitchen.” He said. 
“Oh, well sorry for the noise.” I said and he just shook his head. He took a seat at the counter and gave me a small smile. 
“What’s got you up so early?” He asked and I sighed. 
“Holidays are just hard for me, so I have a hard time sleeping sometimes.” I answered and he frowned. 
“Anything I can do to help?” He asked and I gave him a small smile. 
“Thanks, but I just wanna try and get back to sleep, you want some?” I asked as I grabbed an extra mug. 
“Sure, what are you making?” He asked and I smiled. 
“Hot chocolate.” I said and he chuckled. 
“I used to have some with my son around the time.” He said with a small sigh. 
“It always helps me get back to sleep.” I said, trying not to send Dennis into a depression as well. The milk started boiling and I quickly picked it up so it wouldn’t boil over. I gingerly poured some milk into each of the mugs. Once they were mostly full I put the powder in and stirred. I placed the pan in the sink and made a mental note to clean it later. I handed Dennis his mug and took a seat next to him. 
“Thanks.” He said and I smiled at him. The two of us drank in silence, but it was comfortable. 
“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked out of no where and I took a deep breath. 
“My family and I were never really close and I wish we were, so every Holiday kind of sends me into a depression.” I shrugged. 
“I understand, sort of.” He said and I glanced at him. 
“I think you have more of a reason to be upset around this time.” I said and he sighed. 
“Don’t invalidate your feelings like that, Y/N.” He said and i sent him a small smile. 
“Isn’t that what I always say to you?” I asked and he chuckled. 
“Yeah, but it’s good advice.” He said and I giggled. 
“True.” I said and he smiled. 
Each of us finished our drinks and placed our mugs into the skin. I made another mental note to clean those along with the pan. I turned to face Dennis and he gave me a small smile. 
“We should get back to sleep, hmm?” He asked and I nodded. The two of us headed up the stairs and Dennis stopped at his door. 
“You think you’ll be able to get to sleep on your own?” He asked and I shrugged. 
“Maybe.” I answered. 
“Do you wanna stay with me?” He asked and I blushed. 
“Are you sure?” I asked and he nodded. 
“Maybe not being alone will help both of us.” He said and I smiled. 
“Okay…” I whispered and followed him inside his room. We got into his bed and he wrapped his arms around me. I rested my head on his chest and smiled to myslef. 
“This alright?” He asked and I nodded. 
“It’s perfect.” I said sleepily. I felt my eyes slowly drift closed and I thought I felt Dennis kiss the top of my head, but I couldn’t be sure in my tired state. 
“Goodnight, Y/N.” He whispered. 
“Night, Dennis…” I whispered back.
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singupdates · 6 months
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Week 11 Pitch Day
ALL BOILED DOWN TO THIS DAY!!!
All the hard work we did, all the effort we put, all the stressed we overcame just for the Final Day, Pitch Day. On Sunday, I stayed awake the whole night, my brain kept thinking on how it's gonna happened, how to bring the best, what's the next step, along with nervousness and excitement.
We gathered all the material we need and met up at 9am on Monday morning to practice for the pitch. Although there a few changes recommended by Isaac, we were able to apply those in the pitch to make it stronger and be ready for the presentation.
Coming to class, I thought to myself that this is the last class of my journey. I love this so much that I didn't want it to end. The feeling was mixed as I couldn't comprehend what's gonna be but I know for sure, I'm going to pursue this path for the rest of my life.
We didn't expect that we were the last to present, maybe Isaac save the best for the last, Maybe?! that's what our group thought. Hahahaha! (I know you reading this Isaac, is our assumption correct?). Anyway, We got the chance to listen to other groups' pitch and judges's question that constantly grilling them on the spot, which was a good thing for being last that we can observe and prepare for upcoming queries.
After 7 pitches, it was our time. We went there, set up the slides, and the show began. ......... ....... ...... ........ ............. ........... ......... ............... ...... .
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WE DID AMAZING!! the pitch went so well, everyone was exciting. The judges liked the presentation very much and asked us a few questions regarding the slides, features, personalisation technique, the psychology of procrastination, and gave us valuable and meaningful advice. This could went on forever but Isaac cut us off as time progressed, I wish we could hear from everyone.
My peers also liked the presentation and mentioned that my part was very interesting as I jump in and surprise everyone. It was funny tho, the reason I do this is because I followed the three pitch rules, Be interesting, Be interesting, Be interesting. So, that's what I did.
Gaining confirmation and advice really heart-felt for me, I didn't know that I would come this far and pursue this after graduating. I always know that I don't like working for someone else, I always came up with ideas and wanted to implement back in Cambodia, but this journey with MWL317 taught me many things that otherwise I would never know. Thanks Isaac for the amazing journey and lessons. Thanks everyone for giving me a great experience.
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From this point on, although it is the last class, it is not the end of my journey. IT'S A BEGINNING.
Welcome to my Journey Into Entrepreneurship!
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buzzerbeaterbin · 8 months
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Sean, my new PT
I saw a sports medicine doc back in the spring for my lower back pain, which has persisted since April 2022 despite ample rest, medication, 4 months of physical therapy, all kinds of exercises, and plenty of copays. This doc was amazing - so much so that I am now considering going into the specialty despite never having given it a second thought prior. Her treatment plan essentially boiled down to having me try working with a new PT, someone on her team with lots of experience with athletes in my age group and spine/hip pathology in particular. I finally had my first appointment with him today after booking it right after my MCAT (I know I'm generally healthy and in no place to complain on my own behalf but seriously smh @ our healthcare system bc patients always have to wait forever to be seen).
I love physical therapists, and in general, the study of physical therapy and kinesiology. For reasons similar to why I fell in love with yoga, I am consistently amazed by how such seemingly subtle stretches, movements, and form adjustments can make a world of difference in someone's pain or mobility, and how people I've met for mere minutes can tell me things about my own body that I've never known despite being the sentient soul living inside of it. I remember meeting Marcus (a personal trainer I got one free session with at my gym) and Kim (my physical therapist from Oct-Jan) and feeling stunned by how quickly they were able to catch on to my left hip instability. Today, Sean took my awe to the next level, and I knew he'd be different when the first thing he told me was that he could tell I was left-handed simply from the way that I walk.
He spent a solid hour and a half on his physical exam + teaching me about the how and the why my spine, sacrum, and - news to me - shoulder and cervical have been doing tons of compensatory work (possibly to restore equilibrium from my wack vestibular system. tbd on that) to, at the end of the day, protect me from collapsing, which in my case has resulted in a chronically stiff lumbar region. Yes, my unconditioned glutes, hamstrings, and core may be subject to improvement, but that fact alone can't explain the chronic pain, because if that were the only reason - wouldn't everybody on earth be feeling the same way? For the first time since onset, everything finally made sense. His clinical reasoning took into account all of my unique presentations and deficits, which was extraordinarily appreciated, because up until today I was only ever treated like a generic back pain patient.
E.g. My left hip is unstable when I squat. But why? Unlike the "general weakness" conclusion that I was fed since learning how to do compound lifts, so much clicked for me today when Sean said, yes, the left gives out first - but because the right hip flexor is severely tight, likely from the compensatory work that my spine has been teaching it to do. We did a series of stretches and adjustments together to try and loosen up my hip joint. I felt no different sensation afterwards, but when I tried squatting again - like magic, my left hip didn't give out nearly as much as before. The video evidence proved to me everything I needed to know. I scheduled another appointment with him about a month from now (because I will not realistically have to time or money to drive 30 min away on a weekly basis while I'm in school, also I never understood why I was seeing my other PT weekly because how much progress can I really make in a week?) and he gave me a program to follow until then. I plan on committing to it religiously.
Now that it's been over a year with this pain and consistent disappointment in my lack of progress, I was beginning to accept that this was my new normal. I went in to my appointment today, having almost forgotten about it since I scheduled it months ago, fully expecting to be given generic advice and planning on not seeing him again. I guess I still went because my subconscious had hoped that maybe, just maybe, something would be different this time. And maybe, just maybe, this time it will be.
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dalchiid · 9 months
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Chapter 39!! My thoughts are all over the place with this one so I apologize in advance.
“You're welcome to join us, Y/N. You've already gotten in the way of my time with my brothers. You're free to do so again tonight." First of all, this made me laugh. Biting as always. Jungkook is so sassy when he wants to be. He’s so respectfully rude, but I can’t help but love his honesty.
To truly start off, it’s been a while since we’ve had dialogue from Seokjin that didn’t involve him breaking up fights. Ironic enough, as much as he loves gossip he sure knows how to simmer people down. Speaking of simmer, I love the advice Hoseok gave to Taehyung about not allowing things to boil over. The idea of thinking before we act can and should be applied to all areas of life. I also love that Taehyung and y/n and growing closer. Him opening up about his feelings? Going as far as to defend her from Jimin? He’s clearly taken a liking to her and hopefully y/n doesn’t do anything to mess up whatever bond they’re building. Well, technically she already has, but let’s hope Taehyung doesn’t find that out. I can already imagine just how betrayed he’ll feel and I’d hate for y/n to be on the receiving end of all that aggression.
Also, here I was thinking it would be Jimin’s vindictiveness that would eventually creep up on y/n. But I should’ve known better. Back at the Baek’s it was only Seokjin who seemed to know that y/n and Hoseok had been “sneaking” around. So of course him of all people would know the very in-and-outs of everything that’s going on under his own roof. In hindsight y/n should’ve listened to her guts. Just as I suspected, it’s not just the other brothers she should be worried about, but also the servants on their payroll. On her way to Namjoon’s room she saw the servants and the servants saw her. It’s natural that they’d gossip and for said gossip to reach the ears of the one who loves it most. Additional ears and eyes aside, Seokjin’s ability to prod others is spot on: stick with leading questions and if you press hard enough they’ll eventually tell on themselves.
“Spying on me” yea that was surely a can of worms that should’ve stayed shut. If anything Y/n should’ve worded her concerns better. As the saying goes <you wouldn’t be so defensive if you had nothing to hide> right? That little confrontation with Hoseok (had it taken place) probably would’ve made Seokjin even more curious. Not that he isn’t already curious since y/n’s answers to his questions did nothing but provide him with more questions. But perhaps like Jimin, y/n would’ve found herself on Seokjin’s dislike list had Hoseok told him to back off. So, sure she’s managed to keep him at bay for now, but her next moves (specifically whatever she decides to do with Namjoon) will decide whether this whole thing blows up in her face.
I wonder if Hoseok will connect y/n being in Namjoon’s room with the same day she lied about spending time outside. Regardless, at this point she’s really playing him like a fool. Although I’m equally upset at Namjoon as I am at y/n. It takes two to tango so they’re both on the hook. I can understand y/n being vulnerable in such a new enviornment, but Namjoon is smart and has lived with Hoseok for eons, so he truly knows his brother best. The fact that Namjoon is willing to take risk after risk by putting y/n in the crossfires is what makes think he doesn’t care about her as much as he leads on. She feels more like a necessary casualty, yet another piece in the grand scheme of his plans. I’m just curious as to what exactly those plans are and exactly how far he’s willing to go to achieve them.
Finally, the sex scenes between y/n and Hoseok sure have a way of being deeply intimate (and steamy but that’s all thanks to your writing). From the very beginning it’s felt that way and I think it’s because of how intense Hoseok always is. To put it simply he fucks like he’s trying to merge their souls together. Considering y/n only reciprocates when she’s high it’s yet another symbolism of the huge power imbalance in their relationship. The fact that Hoseok is always willing to give so much of himself while expecting the same from y/n in return. With that said let’s hope movie night goes smoothly. It’s been a while since we’ve had everyone in one scene, so I’m looking forward to it, unless there’s a time skip. Hopefully y/n’s cold resolves quickly. The logical part of me is like well of course she got sick she was out in the rain all day, but I’m also getting a sense of foreshadowing so who knows. Perhaps it’s more than a cold…. Thank you for another great chapter!
— cloudy anon ☁️
Jungkook is fun to write. He has no filter and has 0 clue as to why he gets reprimanded for it.
I don't know if anyone had Taehyung and Y/N bonding on their bingo card but it's happening. We get to see that Taehyung is actually a caring person. He just has issues with his anger as most people do and he really wants to change. A lot of people could use Hoseok's advice too.
Taehyung defending Y/N from Jimin is something that surprised the reader but not so much his brother. Jimin knows Taehyung can be loving and so it's why he walked away without any issue. Despite being mad. The way he gently closed Taehyung's door goes to show he doesn't want to anger his brother because he does care for him.
If the day comes where everyone finds out what Namjoon and Y/N are up to or if she successfully runs away Taehyung will never be able to forgive her. He'll show a side of himself she will never miss.
Seokjin will always find things out and if he doesn't know he'll make sure of it that he does. He'll even go as far as paying someone extra if the nut is too hard to crack. Or even sleep with the maids with empty promises of being theirs forever if they can tell him what they saw. But most of the time he can figure it out himself. Like you said, if he presses hard enough they'll tell on themselves.
If Y/N would have let Hoseok confront Seokjin things would have been way worse for her. Seokjin would seemingly brush off the situation but he'll make sure Y/N would be under his watchful eye. More so than she already is. It's now more than ever though that she keeps an eye out whenever she's with Namjoon. She just might tell Namjoon something about it in hopes that he'll keep watch over who sees them and who doesn't. Otherwise the situation won't be bad for just her but for him too.
Namjoon either really likes Y/N or he's up to something and if he's up to something then what is it? He's said and done a lot of things that makes him appear questionable. Is Y/N just a pawn in a grand plan or does he actually care for her? Maybe he just has a weird way of showing his affection towards her. Maybe he doesn't think things through for her sake. A lot of maybes.
Hoseok gives his all in everything. Even when it comes to sex. He just wants to drown Y/N in his love. He believes she'll fall for him eventually and when she does he'll forever give all of himself because he loves that hard - that much. To the point that it might be overwhelming for some.
Thank you for reading! Can't wait for everyone to read the next chapter 💜
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