#also i didnt realize i knew this much about the devs until i was two paragraphs in

[spikeinthepunch]

Penrose: Dawning- the dev blog

Okay well my game has been up for a few days now, and the Jam is over so yeah, why not give a massive blog about it and the development and characters and feelings etc.

again this was quite a feat for me, so to say. as small as the game is. ive been struggling a ton for years and years, so the process and experience has stuck with me for the last month.

The personal

If you have followed and read some of my posts from the last month youd probably seen me talking about having seen a neurophysiologist-- my appointments for that were happening for quite a while before this month but this month was the end of it. Aside from it clearly being a huge stressor in general, it was also a huge eye opener to my problems. Which yeah, include my ability to Make Things. Not art- but everything else. The listening & reading comprehension, math and memory I tested on being really really bad. And it was great to understand that now! but having decided to take on the Jam was a lot and well, even though on one hand i felt good that I knew my issues.... it didn't mean i solved my issues. Now i was just way more away of them.

So, I tried my hardest I think because I knew I'd always give up on this stuff. And well, my mood meds were still kinda helping. I think there was a different kind of determination despite the upset that some of those tests caused me. Still, I faced a lot of anxiety, frusteration, and upsetting feelings in the process because of how hard it was for me to learn even the smallest things. I won't go super hard on that-- I just want to appreciate the small community of Narrat for being able to help and clarify my confusion even if I'd often say to myself "ugh, that was such a simple thing! i shouldnt need to get it clarified two times over!" etc etc.

still despite the variety of emotions i faced i came out of this really thinking 'wow i actually made something' because literally all these years i have never realized a larger project due to my issues. so for that i can be happy.

The development

the process of making this game was interesting because obvious i had never put my assumptions about the best way to develop to the test. i could think all the while "ill do this first, this second etc" but until you start making it you may realize you gotta do something else!

the fact this was only a month long didnt really give me much time to figure out better ways to develop, it i was already a ways into it. so i came out realizing what i could do diffferent. one thing for sure is i know i couldnt start with art. its just not possible in general to predict the art i would need clearly, because even if i were to write a lot, i felt that making dialog branches was much easier while i was coding because i never knew how far i would want them to go.

but also, in terms of writing- i already write a lot and i kinda have my mental process. getting that to work with the game was tough, and while i liked how i wrote for this game, i feel like it faltered in the sense that writing so many bits of it entirely away from each other had my struggling to make sure i felt connected. like, writing on one huge document allows me to easily refer back and having it all together makes it flow well in my head. but having them scattered around code was hard for me to track and i was never sure if it all felt like it connected up well. i also think in general if i wrote most of the important chunks- stuff not incredibly reliant on branches/choices- that i probably would have written waaaay more too. its just a format of writing that is natural.

there isnt too much as i did in the game coding wise so i dont have too many comments on development process. but i know i would like to make games in narrat that use the typical features found in games like DE (as the engine was inspired by), like stats/skills and maybe inventory depending on the thing.

The story & design

i dont plan to explain the story in detail here (a lot of secret context it on my discord) and i have talked loads about trying to write the themes its tackled.

the main thing about it is just that i have never properly realized Penrose and well. I was facing a creative block this last month which caused more struggles. But it was harder with art- mostly design. coming up with a design is harder in a block than reading a thing that says "draw a series of houses". thinking up something new is not easy. and my head also gets very stuck up in "if you design this and draw it, you can never change it".

Eden was pulled from my old unused RP character, Eden Creature, and so i was able to base her off something already. even so making anything at all was hard- even for Mick who already existed. I really didnt want her and Eden to revert back into my old style because its just no me anymore but at the same time i do want to get something unique for this story. Dawning does not reflect what I want exactly. I like what i managed to do esp in working with my time constraints. but, its not something i want to keep doing going forward.

the story was WAY more condensed than i thought it would be and its because i didnt really realize how quickly approaching the deadline was compared to my work. but at the same time i am glad it was? i was quite ambitious with how big i wanted this "proof of concept" to be, to where i definitely probably would have gotten farther in the plot and realized i had no clue exactly what I wanted.

because i do have a general idea of this story but not like. enough. and so shortening the story hugely for this demo was actually a good thing because i would have had to write a lot more and also probably wouldnt have been able to explain lore well enough because of how little i understood my own world. and when youre creative blocked its incredibly hard trying to development of that world too.

conclusion

i mentioned it breifly in a blog post but tbh the most scary part is having it hit that i am nervous has to how people will take my characters. not in a criticism kinda way but just the idea that people just wont really 'get' them. and even just the idea that my OCs have been "presented to the world" in some sense. i do stuff in my own little space all the time and never think about what it would really be like to put a game on itch.io or even like publish a proper animation on youtube or publish a book or something. its different and its weird because i have always thought to myself that i want people to see my OCs! but then i put it up in a place where it likely will be seen and I am afraid of that.

its probably for it being a first time. and also i need to learn confidence in this kind of work i was so into thinking i could never truly make because of my issues. this was still like, very very hard to do mentally etc and i feel very exhausted. but i really dont want this to be the first and last time i try and make something.

#penrose #dev blog

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

i know nothing about the devils except jack hughes is good and lots of them are pretty 🤷‍♀️ what's your general take on the team & who are your faves & anything else you wanna talk about? ❤️

alright alright ALRIGHT im finally getting to this one lets GO.

miles wood is the hottest guy on the team, and also the second oldest, somehow. the devils are basically just a college hockey team plus miles wood and andread johnsson (who used to be a leaf and more than likely will be going to seattle) and pk subban. they legit just traded every single one of their vets, they simply said no veteran leadership, only nico hischier. who is captain now, and who i am in deep gay love with. excellent vibes, excellent player, excellent eyebrows. love that bitch so so much tbh. 

mac blackwood is their goalie, he’s absolutely elite and he looks like a dude that works in a frozen banana shop on a california boardwalk and surfs in his spare time. excellent vibes, 10/10 would recommend. ty smith is their rookie dman, hes great and he and jack hughes are roommates and ty does all the cooking and cleaning apparently, and also they were ENEMIES at some point and i love them. pk subban is pk subban; not as talented as he once was but a fucking ray of sunshine all the same. i love him as well. damon severson is also important and does have an a, but honestly hes kinda boring. connor carrick will always be the love of my life because he was also once a leaf, and he was the hill i wouldve died on but he kinda got mike babcock-ed.

then, of course, youve got mikey mcleod and nate bastian, who are on a line with miles wood now (the bmw line, which is great), and who are otherwise known as the superbuddies because they have been on the same team for literal years, from their junior team the missisauga steelheads to the devs’ ahl team the binghampton devils to the current new jersey devils. theyve been asked multiple times if theyve ever gotten sick of each other, and both have said no. its all incredibly romantic. what a narrative.

and for the obligatory draft class of 2015er, youve got pavel zacha, who has been underwhelming but is very much starting to come into himself. the devils also have a FUCK TON of rookies, but the best of the bunch (other than ty smith) has been imo egor sharangovich, who he very pretty and can score goals and has a very lovely wife. will butcher and the jespers (who do not pronounce their names the same way despite the spelling and also being from the same country) are also players to watch.

its worth noting that legit the only players on this team who have played more than 250 nhl games are pk subban, damon severson, ryan murray, miles wood, and pavel zacha. wild shit.

#thanks to jayc for the facts in the last paragraph #also i didnt realize i knew this much about the devs until i was two paragraphs in #lmfao #devils #primer #answered