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adpiratecore · 2 years

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Got sent a ton of numbers from the ask game post by the ever lovely @rovah17 via pm!

So here we go!

4. What are you looking forward to?

My camping trip! My birthday is next week, so me and the Boys are driving all the way to Utah (22 hrs) to camp and hopefully dig for crystals!

5. Is there anyone that can always make you smile?

My lovely fiance and partner :)

6. Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Absolutely. Still not over the girl i dated freshman year of highschool, genuinely thought she was an ethereal being and had full plans to marry her.

10. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Sure! If you dont know me. Once uget to know me my shit is obvious lol

11. Are you listening to music rn?

Nah im listening to asmr lol

12. What is something you want right now?

I want a giant minecraft creeper plush. Like. Body pillow size. (Oh my god what if there was one of those overly sexual body pillow covers but with a creeper--- i would buy that ngl. As long as it wasnt super sexual lol)

13. How do you feel right now?

Honestly? Kinda depressed. Ive been in a weird funkrecently.

15. Personality description

I dont ever post about it, but I've actually got DID (dissociative identity disorder) so that one's hard to pinpoint? But i guess the "singletsona" or the mask we put on for basically everyone we're not close with is "chaotic nerdy punk"

16. Have you ever wanted to tell someone but you didnt?

Well, my partner (as mentioned above) is a fairly new relationship. Not even a month yet new. And we went to this convention together! Anime midwest! And we were sitting out by the fountain in the area where cars pull in for drop offs and deliveries. And all i could think about was "this would be a perfect area for a first kiss" but i chickened out and thoughtit was too soon and what if they get weirded out and--- they still dont know.

17. Opinion on insecurities.

So honestly? I think its good to have some insecurities. Like i think if everyone walked around thinking they were perfect all the time, there would be no growth as human beings, emotionally i mean. I have plenty of insecurities myself, BUT this reminds me of how many people ask me for fashion advice! I dress very alternatively and really adore my fashion style and ive yet to get a negative reaction from someone. Besides the point though, i once answered that question with "Wear what makes you want. If it makes you happy it looks good, and if someone's staring it means your hot." That just kinda randomly spewed out of my mouth and the person was like "wow thats kind of inspiring"

20. What is your favorite song at the moment?

Oh gosh good question!! Kind of depends on the vibe really, but the one i get most excited for and always sing along to is Flight Of The Crows by Jhariah

21. Age and birthday?

21!! 22 on july 26th :D

23. Fear(s)

That everyone secretly hates/dislikes me and is only keeping up relationships bc they want something out of me :)

25. Role model

Honestly i dont think i have a role model atm! I try not to compare myself with people, so my brain has turned that into dont try to be like anyone. If i reeeeeally had to choose though, my elementary school (?) Art teacher. He not only helped me with the first art project i was ever proud of, he also would be playing guitar as we walked into class and when he stopped and we thought he was done and started clapping, hed start playing again. He even played behind his head if i recall correctly!

27. Things i hate

I hate cringe culture. I also hate fast fashion. I also hate anything that makes fun of children for their interests.

28. I'll love you if...

My love language is touch, and i have chronic pain, THEREFORE, if you give me a massage im legally required to marry you. Before we started dating, i was making waffles for my partner and complained about my shoulders. They randomly came up and gave me a massage! They're stuck with me forever now (sorry babe i dont make the rules)

31. 3 random facts

AAAA I TELL THIS ONE TO EVERYONE! Any bees you see outside the hive (aka worker bees) are female! All the males are drones and only serve as reproduction matter. Had a (female) boss tell me "thats not true, they're called "worker" bees" n i looked at her, at her job, and was like "what are you doing right now"

Link, from legend of zelda, is canonically androgynous! He was designed to be able to connect with on a personal level, and therefore whatever gender the player wanted him to be

My initials are MEM and i have a friend who wanted me to marry someone whos last name started with E so we could hyphenate the last names and make my initials MEME

32. Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Mainly girls and nonbinary folk!

33. Something you want to learn

BLACKSMITHING

34. Most embarrassing moment

Idk if this is the MOST embarrassing bc memory bad but i was on my first date with my last ex, we were bowling and it was a double date with two of their friends. They get up to bowl and as theyre trying to head to the ball dispenser, i move to touch their butt as a joke (they didnt mind we were both v touchy) and they moved away right as i did so i missed and fell off the bench. They didnt even notice lol!

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

I want a farm. Not any sort of big thing, just enough acres for a few animals, a nice garden, and some bees. And maybe a blacksmith workshop.

On that farm, i want a divination shop! Just a little building with a front room for supplies and such, but the main attraction are the two back rooms. Decked out with tapestries and blankets and pretty fabric decorating the walls and ceilings, super comy couches or chairs around a beautiful table where we host readings of all sorts. Tarot, rune, bone throws, ect.

As soon as the farm starts up this one will likely be done, but to fill the time between now and then (bc farm is end goal) id love to be a theatre costume designer! Head honcho would be best, but honestly I'll take any position sewing :)

40. Favorite memory

Again, memory bad, but a good one is taking pictures of the highschool ex i thought i was gonna marry. I was in a photography class, and at the time planned on being a photographer professionally, so we ran around her neighborhood (she lived in a really nice area) and took pictures! Theres one of here where the sun speckles in and makes a bunch of "orbs" and it looks like shes surrounded by faeries.

51. Starsign

Leo sun, gemini moon, libra rising

52. Something you're talented at

I dont really think im talented at anything, but if i didnt say singing i think my friends would have me on a stake lol

53. 5 things that make me happy

Bees, stuffed animals, finishing costumes, my partners, and puppets!

55. Tumblr friends

Honestly i rlly dont have people i talk to consistently here, but id definitely say @rovah17 is one of em!! Thanks for being sweet bro :)

59. Why i joined tumblr

I was 14 and my friend i roleplayed with every single day told me i had to check this site out. Idr her reasoning, probably smth about fandoms, but ive been stuck ever since. I wish i could remember my first url lol!

That was long and i talked far too much but that was really fun to write!!!

#scouts log

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egcdeath · 3 years

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checkmate

summary: you’ve always refused to lose, and love was no exception. (gone girl-ish au)

pairing(s): ransom drysdale x dark!reader, a special mystery guest ;)

word count: 3.7k

warnings: 18+ because of heavy themes! faked death, framing of crimes, manipulation, alluding to sex, alluding to cheating, terrible relationship dynamic, very loose usage of the word crazy/psychotic, implied mention of self harm, brief choking & slapping (in a non sexual way lol), pregnancy trapping (idk if thats the right term), the reader is a very bad human being, overuse of italics *please let me know if i’m missing any warnings!

author’s note: this is my 2nd submission for @stargazingfangirl18’s 5k soft dark challenge, i decided to make the reader dark >:) but ransom is also not a good person. I used these prompts: “I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.” & The town golden *girl isn’t as sweet as everyone thinks.

this is definitely the most unhinged thing i’ve ever written, but blame @literate-lamb for making me write this because when i pitched this to her and said that i’d probably never write it, she enabled me.

okay that's enough from me. join my taglist if you want :D

“I know women whose entire personas are woven from a benign mediocrity. Their lives are a list of shortcomings: the unappreciative boyfriend, the extra ten pounds, the dismissive boss, the conniving sister, the straying husband. I've always hovered above their stories, nodding in sympathy and thinking how foolish they are, these women, to let these things happen, how undisciplined. And now to be one of them! One of the women with the endless stories that make people nod sympathetically and think: Poor dumb bitch.” Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

Your whole life, you’d considered yourself a competitive person. Constantly overcompensating for one thing or another, whether it was the chronic desire to achieve perfection that had been installed in you since you were a little girl, or your persistent internalized sense of inadequacy. You realized early on that it was much better for you to win than for you to lose, no matter the physical, emotional, or mental cost of the prize of perfection.

For the most part, this mindset worked out for you. You graduated as Valedictorian from your high school, neared the top of your graduating class at Harvard. God knew you earned it, all those tears you shed into overpriced textbooks, all the popping of unprescribed Adderall, and robbing yourself of the parties and social events that the rest of your peers gladly indulged in.

You were just different, which was why you gained a job nearly immediately after your exit from school, quickly climbing to the top at the Blood Like Wine publishing company after only a few years of being there.

And one night, at the party celebrating the release of A Thousand Knives when you laid your eyes on Hugh Ransom Drysdale, the grandson of your boss, you knew that you needed to have him. Rich, hot, a bit of an asshole. You deserved to finally complete your image, and that socialite flavored eye candy seemed to fit the part perfectly. Luckily for you, he was desperate. It only took a few tugs on your dress’ V-line, and a number of knowing smirks to find yourself being finger-banged in his family manor’s bathroom.

From there, you wormed your way into his life. Leaving belongings at his place as an excuse to come back, and offering booty calls in the middle of the night. Ransom must’ve been much more desperate than you originally thought, as it really only seemed to take one night of stroking his hair while he vented about his family to make him want to be with you. Men with mommy issues were always so easy.

Except, he wasn’t that easy. The longer you got to know Ransom, the more fucked up you realized he really was. He had no boundaries at all, became jealous and enraged at the drop of a pin, and occasionally told you things that made the hairs on your arms rise.

This of course all came to a head after the night of Harlan’s 85th birthday party. When the news broke of his tragic death, you’d immediately known it was the works of your Hugh. If your intuition wasn’t enough, his confession in the shower, where he’d demanded you take off your clothes to display that you were without a bug, certainly was.

You were completely devastated. The man that you’d invested so much into for years had thrown both his and your reputations down the drain in just a matter of hours. Of course, you felt bad for Harlan too. He was a good guy (when he wasn’t instigating a family fight).

Still, you showed up during the funeral in your best mourning clothes and dawning your biggest crocodile tears. You rubbed Linda’s back while she mourned the loss of her father, and the new truth about her husband. You played dumb when interrogated by some Southern private investigator, even giving Ransom an airtight alibi. You testified on his behalf in court with enough conviction to grant you an Emmy.

You’d gotten so far, devoted so much energy into him, that you simply refused to lose now.

To your friends, you’d seemed to lead a near perfect life. Dream job, dreamy boyfriend, dream bank account, but it wasn’t enough. You wanted more, you just didn’t know what.

It dawned on you while sipping mimosas at the country club, Ransom playing tennis with his friends just a few yards away from you while Danielle showed off her brand new engagement ring, a .59 Carat Asscher Diamond, that if you heard her speak of again, would probably make you lose your shit.

You zoned out as she droned on and on about the shape, and how Matt proposed to her in their own private room in one of the most exclusive Parisian restaurants, instead focusing on how you could find yourself in the same position as that airhead next to you. In all honesty, you couldn’t stand the idea that someone was doing better than you, let alone someone in your own social circle. Dani got all the bragging rights of being engaged to the heir of some tech giant, being the first in your friend group to get eloped, and worst of all, Matt wasn’t even making her sign a prenup.

You blankly watched Ransom from afar, taking occasional sips from your sweet drink, while you thought of how you deserved all of that and more, and you were going to get it one way or another.

——

It didn’t take much to come up with something, your first and most obvious plan being to simply ask Ransom when he was going to propose to you. Of course, this wasn’t the first time you’d tried to approach him about this subject, you just wondered if maybe this time things would be different.

Panting heavily after a rather rough night in bed, you rolled off of your boyfriend’s chest and gave him a messy, yet sincere kiss. You knew your man well, and if there was any time to pop the question, it was in his post-nut haze.

“Baby,” you said breathily, “I wanna ask you something.”

“Shoot,” he responded casually, glancing over at you.

“When’re you gonna propose to me?” you hummed.

Ransom groaned and shook his head, rolling his eyes, “this is about Matt and Dani, huh?” he tutted, then extended a hand out to your warm cheeks so he could gently caress one with his thumb. “Thought we agreed marriage is just a piece of paper and it’s stupid.”

You huffed in response.

Of fucking course.

“I never said that,” you muttered, setting a hand on his broad chest. “Besides, it’ll be good if you get pissed and decide to like, kill your dad or something. Y’know, spouses don’t have to testify against each other in court.”

Ransom chuckled as if this whole thing was funny, like your feelings were some kind of sick joke to him. “You know my lawyers, babe. They could prove that bees don’t make honey. That bears don’t shit in the forest. I appreciate your attempt, though. This has been some really nice pillow talk.”

“Whatever,” you muttered, pinching his nipple in retaliation before turning your back to him and yanking the blanket onto your side.

You weren’t sure why you were so surprised that he was being stubborn, most of the time you felt like you were pulling teeth from the man. But that’s why you had a backup plan! You always had a backup plan. That’s what separated you from your boyfriend. Where Ransom was extemporized and impulsive, you were calculating and prudent.

Although you devised your plan that very afternoon while watching your partner backhand small green balls, you were going to need some time to get everything in order, to prove Murphy and his stupid law wrong in making sure that everything that could go wrong wouldn’t.

After all, love was a game. And you sure as hell weren’t losing to Hugh Drysdale.

——

You sacrificed too much to have your plans ruined by some trust fund baby with impulsivity issues. You deserved your dream marriage, the stability you wished you had as a child. You wanted the white picket fence, and everything that came along with it. Your desire to be the best, to be perfect was what drove you to poke holes in every condom in the box, what led you to draw liters of your own blood in hopes of staging a fake crime scene, to buy a cheap getaway car and burner phone off of Craigslist, and reach out to a high school boyfriend who you knew was in a position as desperate as you.

You planted seeds of doubt in your friends throughout the following weeks, feeding them lies about Ransom’s behavior, how you were afraid of telling him that you did in fact see two faint red lines on that damn plastic stick– only half of the statement truly being false–, telling them that he was behaving erratically lately.

It all was going without a hitch. Ransom didn’t seem to notice anything was off, despite your frequent visits to the bathroom and newfound affinity for true crime documentaries.

You almost felt guilty, knowing the world of pain you were about to throw the man into. Granted, he deserved the pain. You were in a relationship with a genuinely terrible person, and that person had made a conscious effort not to commit to you. You tried to make this easy for him, give him a chance to say a few words to you and slide a ring on your finger, but no, he always seemed to take the hard route.

You slept like a baby the night before you were setting your plan in action. You made sure to uphold the facade of everything being fine, making Ransom a nice breakfast before sending him halfway across town to the hardware store with an oddly incriminating list.

Once he was out of the house, you hurried off to the fridge in the garage where you’d been keeping a small stash of your own blood. It wasn’t pretty, but it had to be done. You poured the blood throughout the kitchen, splattering bits of it on the counters and cupboards. You poorly cleaned the mess, just as he would.

You put your next move in motion, falsifying a home invasion. You tossed over a table and some chairs, throwing books and photos onto the floor, but left some aspects slightly untouched, like an upright picture frame to give yet another hint that things were not exactly what they appeared.

You left a tiny blue post-it note on the nightstand of Ransom’s side of the bed, a quick and simple doodle of a ring along with the first initial of your name inked onto the tiny piece of paper.

With that, you were off. Technically missing, soon-to-be presumed dead.

----

The days following your disappearance had gone even better than you’d initially planned. Local news coverage had been all over you, search and rescue groups were assiduously looking for you, your parents had opened a tip line, and begged for you to get home safe on news segments. But the best part of it all was that Ransom had been briefly found himself in police custody, only to be released shortly thereafter. His past of an accused murder quickly made your disappearance even more of a national story, and you watched the whole thing unravel from the safety and comfort of your high school boyfriend, Andy Barber’s Newton home.

Of course, you fed him the same lies you’d given to your friends, and seeing the rather lonely position he was in, he gladly let you stay with him. You were absolutely having a hay-day with it all, dedicating hours of your day to watching Ransom slowly unravel. Maybe it was a bit sadistic of you to enjoy torturing your partner so much, but he needed to learn his lesson. You deserved better. You needed Ransom to rise up to your level, allowing you to finally complete your image. To let you two appear to be the perfect couple. Really, this was all on him.

Andy, for the most part, had been a good host. He was gone for the majority of the day, dedicating himself to his work while you lounged around on his dangerously cozy couch. Around two weeks into your stay, you were sharing a box of pizza in the living room with your old lover when something interesting on the television caught your eye.

Ransom, broadcasted on CBS, being interviewed on your disappearance.

You watched with wide eyes as Ransom begged for your return on national television. It was one thing seeing your mother plead for you to come back, the same woman who had installed such toxic behavior in you sob for your return, but Ransom. You’d never loved him more than in that moment.

“Hugh, if you could tell Y/N one thing, what would it be?” the interviewer asked.

Ransom turned, looking straight at the camera, directly into your soul, “Y/N, I love you so much. More than you’ll ever know. I need you to come back safely, to see you, to hold you again. I’d give anything in the world for that right now,” he looked down, a tear falling down his cheek. “I can’t live without you in my life, I-”

His sentence was cut off by Andy grabbing the remote, and turning off the TV. You turned your head and frowned deeply at him.

“Why’d you do that?” you asked with a bit of a pout.

“I just couldn’t stand listening to him talk about you like he hasn’t treated you like shit for the past few years. C’mon, let’s get ready for bed.”

Your blood boiled. Andy was once a means to an end, but now he was interfering. He was clearly much too selfish to see that you and Ransom were quite obviously soulmates. A match made in hell.

You followed him to bed regardless, curling up on what had been your side of the bed for the past few days, and staring at the wall until Andy’s breaths moved from a soft and rhythmic pattern to loud snores. God, those snores were obnoxious.

You slipped out of bed and to his dresser, grabbing two soft ties from the drawer, and daintily tying his wrists to each side of the bedpost.

“What‘re you doing?” he mumbled, instinctively yanking both of his wrists as he awoke.

“I’m going back home,” you whispered.

“You can’t be serious,” Andy huffed, tugging on the restraint attached to the headboard.

You shook your head, “I am.”

“I should’ve known. Why would you do something like this? Do you know how much trouble you’ll be in with the law?”

“Do you know how much trouble you’ll be in when the world finds out that you kidnapped me?” you retorted.

This threat seemed to wake him up right away, “what about this was kidnapping? I gave you a nice home, fed you, I didn’t even make a pass at you. I didn’t do shit to you,” he hissed. “You think I can’t prove that? I’m a lawyer, for god's sake!”

You nearly laughed, “Okay, Andy,” you paused for a moment, “As a lawyer, who do you think everyone’ll believe? Someone who the world was on a wild goose chase for in the last two weeks? Or the man with a family history of violence? Must I remind you that your father and your son have killed people?”

Andy shook his head, face pinched in sorrow at the mention of his deceased son, clearly a low blow. “You’re insane,” he muttered.

“Swear to god that you won’t tell a soul what happened here,” you leaned over him, getting right in his face. “Or I promise, Andrew Barber, I will ruin you. You’ll spend the rest of your life behind bars, or disbarred, or whatever the hell I decide to do with you. So keep your goddamn lips shut.”

You pulled away and he solemnly nodded, not bothering to put up a fight. You loosened the fabric around his left wrist and walked out of the room. You picked up the keys to Andy’s Audi on your way out, checking the time as you adjusted the driver's seat.

9:45 PM. Fatherhood really changed the man.

You pushed that thought aside and began your drive home, which turned out to be a surprisingly short trip. When you pulled up in front of your home, you were met with a slew of reporters outside of the house, along with a police car that seemed to be permanently camped there.

As you slowly got out of the car, a gasp, followed by a loud silence fell across the crowd. You limped for dramatic effect up the driveway as cameras followed you, and glanced back at them pathetically. From your peripheral view, you noticed the officers get out of their vehicle.

You finally got to your door, ringing the doorbell and waiting. You blinked harshly a few times, conjuring up the tears you needed to really make a spectacle of the event. After a few minutes, Ransom opened the door, eyes widening as he looked at you. He stepped out, and you wrapped him in as big of a hug as you could manage, genuinely missing his embrace. It was possible that you even let out a few real tears in the moment.

Your emotional embrace was interrupted by the man you recognized as Lieutenant Elliott, the same officer who’d been assigned to Harlan’s case.

“Ma’am,” he began, only to be shut down by you.

“Please, just let me be with my boyfriend,” you pleaded, crocodile tears streaming down your face as you spoke with the officer. You still needed time to get your story straight.

“Just give us the night, Lieutenant. We’ll come in first thing tomorrow morning,” Ransom added, furrowing his brows at the officer that he’d come into contact with far too many times.

He looked to his partner, who shrugged, then to you, “enjoy your night.”

Cameras flashed around you as civilians, journalists, and newscasters alike attempted to catch your attention. You grabbed Ransom’s hand and dramatically pulled him inside, insincerely attempting to hide your face by ducking and covering half of your face with your arm.

As soon as you were in the privacy of your own home, Ransom threw you against a wall.

“Why. The fuck. Would you pull a stunt like that,” he hissed through gritted teeth, eyes wild, and a hand around your throat.

You whimpered as he tightened his grip, rage clearly flowing through his system uncontrollably.

“Do you know what you did to me? You almost had me thrown in fucking jail. Do you understand that?”

You nodded weakly, “Ran,” you whispered, “the baby,” you glanced down at your stomach.

He paused, dropping his grip on your neck and staring at you in awe, “no…”

You nodded again.

“How…? You told me you were on the pill… You- you made me use protection…”

“Surprise?” you said weakly.

“You’re a psychotic bitch.”

“I’m your psychotic bitch. And no child of mine will be born out of wedlock,” you taunted.

“That’s what this is about?” Ransom laughed manically. “You did this all because I won’t fucking marry you?”

You didn’t even have to respond.

“I should send you to the loony bin right fucking now.”

“What happened to all those things you said to me on TV?”

“You’re fucking delusional. I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can. And you will. I’ve had to put up with you and your stupid little antics for way too long. How do you think I felt when you killed your own grandfather?”

Ransom scoffed, throwing his hands up in exasperation, “you are so fucked up.”

“I’m the fucked up one? You killed your own blood in cold blood! You’re unhinged!”

“You faked your own death for attention, and got pregnant while doing it! Is that baby even mine?”

“The fuck are you trying to say, Hugh?”

“I asked if it’s even mine.”

“Really. You’re accusing me of cheating on you. That’s rich considering Mia, Layla, and whoever the fuck else. You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m being ridiculous? You couldn’t have a normal adult conversation with me!”

“Are you kidding me? I asked you time after time to marry me and it was always some bullshit excuse!” you wagged a finger in his face as you spoke. “Oh, commitment scares me, oh, marriage is just a piece of paper, oh-“ you mocked his voice in a deeper tone before you were cut off by the sting of his hand against your cheek.

“Can you shut the hell up?” he growled at you as you held your own cheek, before you reached out and slapped him back, “I can’t believe that I’m stuck with such a deranged bitch for the rest of my life.”

“Maybe work on your vows a little, dear. I don’t think that those words are as charming to me as they’d be to the rest of our family and friends.”

“You can’t be serious,” he groaned.

“But I am,” you hummed, rubbing your cheek softly once again. “Look at how fast your life fell apart without me here. How quickly the public turned on you. Imagine how upset they’d be if you left me. I love you, Ran. I really do. You and I are perfect for each other, can’t you see that now?”

Ransom took a step away from you, pacing slowly in front of you. He ran a stressed hand through his hair, and took a long and drawn out breath, clearly at a loss for words.

“So when should we have the wedding? I’ve always wanted a Spring wedding, and I know it’s a little short notice, but I don’t want to be showing too much in my wedding dress,” you grabbed Ransom’s bicep gently, as if you were just having a regular old day with him, as if you hadn’t been choked and slapped moments ago. “But we can make it work. We always make it work, right?”

Your now fiancé stared vacantly at the wall ahead of him, giving you a slow, empty nod of agreement.

“It’s settled then,” you smirked. “I’ll start looking at venues. You find me a nice ring, okay Honey? One that puts all those other bitches’ rings to shame,” you sighed pleasantly to yourself, “I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.”

You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before hurrying up the stairs and into your bedroom. You heard a distant shriek of “fuck,” from Ransom, but you truly could not care less.

You hopped into bed, grabbing your laptop from its charger and promptly opening it. You couldn’t help but to smile at your own reflection on the empty black screen. This wasn’t how you imagined your engagement, but you did the impossible. You tied yourself down to Hugh Ransom Drysdale, he went down kicking in screaming, and you were likely in for a lifetime of cheating and resentment, but you did it nonetheless.

You finally won.

#ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale x you #dark!reader #ransom drysdale x dark!reader #ransom thrombey x reader #ransom thrombey x you #knives out #knives out fanfic #siris5ksoftdarkchallenge

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nuclearnerves · 3 years

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INCOMING VAMPIRE AU THOUGHTS

Don't mind me I'm finally getting the ideas I had on this shit out so I can actually go forward with developing it as an AU. It's my usual mixup of fps protags, Gordon Guy and John, but I'm starting with Gordon as the Vampire and Guy as the Vampire Hunter.

absolute beast of a wall of text under the cut

What If Being A Vampire Literally Sucks All The Time Forever like chronic pain sucks. like THAT level of sucks. Like Here's what I was thinking of. Being a vampire isn't just "being alive forever but you need to drink human blood" It's like Oh man I have some lore you look at vampires and their main thing is that they're blood suckers right so lets start with a corpse dead body. cadaver. no longer with us. just some rotting meat. The brain needs oxygen as fuel. The blood supplies the oxygen through blood. The blood is pumped through the heart. The blood is made by your bone marrow. You die. Your heart stops beating Blood stops pumping Brain no longer has oxygen to think marrow stops making blood thats standard! Now, becoming undead, as a vampire, is a little more complicated. The long and short of it is: your body is FIGHTING ACTIVELY to be alive against all odds and wins every time (immortality), but it hurts the whole way

I have the gist of it. It's like. Your heart stops. By all means, you should be dead. but the magic kicks in, and you're still thinking. Your brain is still sending signals to your muscles to move. But using what oxygen to move? whats burning in you? You don't know but you know it's just enough to get to your next meal. So you ferociously eat something, and then find you can't swallow. You can't make saliva. You barely have the energy to chew, and once you DO get something in your stomach, it immediately comes back up. Why can't you feel your pulse? What's going on? You're out of options so you figure you might as well just lie down and die. You're too tired to keep going anyway. So you do, you lie down, and you close your eyes, and you quietly hope that death is as peaceful as sleep. You realize you've actually been moving around without breathing, which makes sense because you can barely flex your diaphragm for more than a shaky wheeze. How are you thinking with such little oxygen? But as you fade from consciousness, you can feel something in you, and it's so upset, it's crying, it's filled with grief, and you instantly can tell it's your skeleton. It's your bones. You're distraught down to your marrow. You're dying. You're dying! Your heart stopped and you have no more blood! You need blood! You need blood to move! To breathe! To think! You try to breath deep again for the voices in your bones, trying to comfort them, to sooth them with the repetitive motion in your lungs, trying to fill yourself with anything but grief, but they keep wailing. We make the blood, our creation, our child, what we put all of our work into is gone! gone! gone! We need it back! Anything! All of it! Find it! Bring it back to us! We're hungry! WE'RE HUNGRY!

and once you find yourself too exhausted to listen, to think, how badly you wish just to die already to cease hearing this wailing, you find your body moving without you. And it's hungry and it's searching and it's crawling on all fours and it misses its beautiful red life that made it feel so full before and it needs it back, and the next thing you know you're desperately grabbing anything with blood in it and shoving it in your mouth in a desperate attempt to sooth this cry for life, you don't want to die, you don't want to die, you worked so hard to keep up this body and craft it and LIVE with it and you're not going to go, and even when you try, even when you try to lay down and die, your body refuses, it takes the reigns, and it keeps up the work itself with or without your help. And it's not until your stomach is full and your teeth are stained and you feel a pulsating burning in your bones that you snap back awake, completely conscious, just fine. You're lucid, you don't feel any more pain. Everything around you is dead and drained and messy and your heart still isn't beating. but you can breathe now and holy shit you guess you literally need to kill to survive and the less you eat and the more you starve yourself the worse it gets when your body finally decides to take recourse.

my idea was like. "the vampires curse is actually stored in the bones, thats why the teeth get so sharp and also theres a connection between blood and bones with the creation via bone marrow" its literally like i was sitting there thinking "no no no, whats it like to be a vampire. what neurosis would you develop. How would you panic? What are common mistakes beginner vampires make" which, by the way, gordon is a beginner vampire

so now you gotta factor, what blood lasts for how long? how long can you go between meals? not only that, but what creatures satisfy the urge? How long can you go avoiding human blood? Does it work like drugs where you develop a resistance to the high, or is it like food where it will keep you moving until you eat again? How the fuck are you gonna get your hands on blood? Can you just eat raw meat? Does that count? and thats where im at lol

OKAY now. now thoughts on beginning scenes of vampire au

So my idea was this Doomguy is a vampire hunter independent and one of his buds says that some freak scared and almost attacked his daughter when she got too close to his old abandoned laboratory up the hill and hes like “he might be… you know… a problem. if you needed a lead” and guys like yeah i fuckin hate the undead ill kill this dude so he busts into old lab space and sees so many dead animals its actually mostly Bones and pelt that hes seeing piles of feathers etc so hes like yeah this is all telltale signs of vampire uhhh hes introduced to gordon SOMEHOW im not totally sure of the details but the working idea i have is guy falls into a trap gordon devised that restrains him suspended in wire or something and gordon like. limps/stumbles into the room and this dude looks haggard he’s breathing heavy, his cheeks are hollow, he’s bug-eyed and shaking while looking at this massive wall of meat in his trap and he bares a bunch of hideous teeth and grits them and looks like hes really struggling with somethin... Like if these dudes don't know each other then Gordon might give in and try to drain Guy, and Guy would absolutely do anything in his power to turn this new vampire into ash, im thinking the inclusion if g-man as a coven leader can fix both issues.

i like the idea of guy falling into gordons trap and gordon thinking about what to do with him before gman shows up and whisks gordon away for a “meeting” while complimenting him on his good work catching the most feared vampire hunter in the country and gman just leaving guy suspended in wires that he has to fight his way out of. Instant situation defuser.

Guy ends up needing to take care of other monsters before going back to Gordon, and he DOES plan to go back to gordon, because no vampire is a good one, especially not one associated with the fucking head of a coven, but next time he sees Gordon, Gordon helps him out of a scrape by attacking and draining a combine who was going to take Guy out or something and escaping before Guy can catch him, or otherwise seeing Gordon do something good with his insane undead powers and like, the third time he meets up with him is when they can actually talk, and Gordons fuckin SO haggard, he’s not even fighting back and he’s even going as far as to say “just make sure theres nothing of me left when you’re done, I don’t want anyone else getting hurt”

Side Note: Guy has a bunch of scarring on his body from dealing with vampires, cops, ghosts, werewolves, anything violent that kills people. I'm playing with the inkling of an idea that he has Divine Blood in him, so that any time something undead bites him or tries to drink his blood, it burns. We'll see.

Side Note 2: now i really like the idea of the combine actually being an organized faction of vampire hunters that are WICKED crooked and exploit people for all their worth in exchange for their “safety” when they kill a vampire They’re essentially loansharks and Guy fucking hates them and hates the name theyve given to vampire hunting

Side Note 3: You've probably noticed that I haven't said anything about John yet! He's in this too. His species is a surprise but I need to get to him later I have an idea for where he came from (Cortana too)

I still need a good reason for Guy to not instantly kill this vampire, if not it's just gonna be "Gordon Freeman escapes the countrys best vampire hunter like a seventh time" every time they meet and they end up being rivals. And it gives Guy enough time to look past the whole "undead monster" thing and start looking at the "Oh this dude figured out how to fight his ridiculous craving for blood in a way more humane than most and is actually staying out of peoples way and keeping to himself. Guess he's not that big of a threat but I still need to keep an eye on him in case he loses it. Turns out he's got a family (Probably Alyx, Eli, Issac and Barney) who's been lookin for him and cares about him as well, don't wanna hurt them". I like the idea of them ending up needing to team up to take out undead together.

And that's what I got so far!!!

#freeguy #gordon freeman #doomguy #vampire au #freeguy117

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judgymechsheadcanons · 3 years

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somebody say disabled hcs?

so obv marius has his prosthesis but I think he also is dyslexic and thats a struggle

I think nastya has chronic pain issues due to silver blood being. most likely heavy. there was a post abt this idea on its own out there but I dont remember who made it :(

Jonny autistic. actually most mechs are autistic but I like autistic Jonny hcs the most so im pointing him out specifically. also obvious heart and circulation issues.

tim gets frequent migraines and chronic pain in his eyes for. obvious reasons.

ashes has a bad leg and uses a cane!! when they were hades their cane had a nice gold skull handle. their usual cane though is a pretty simple black one with flame decals on it because of course they would.

i think Raphaella has bad legs and a bad back, but the wings actually make for an interesting way of alternative movement!! flying is a lot easier on the legs than walking i can only imagine.

Brian gets the occasional flare up of really bad chest pain. his heart has a bit of trouble adjusting even after so many years. it usually happens after he dies and comes back and his heart has to start manually pumping again

ivy has headaches and facial pains. I also think she has some episodes of memory loss when she feels her brains a bit overloaded atm

and obv Carmilla is a cane user!!!

oh man I think thats all I have for now? if I remember or think of any new ideas I'll send in another ask, but thank u for the opportunity to ramble lol I just. love projecting and making my favs disabled like me hahah

:O oooo dyslexic marius neat :]

nastya 🤝 brian

chronic fatigue from Metal Heavy

autistic jonny so true all the mechs r autistic

YEEEEAAAAHHHH CANE USER ASHES they r so cool and hot

yeah!!! my hc is that raph uses a wheelchair when shes in an area thats too small for her to fly :]

yeah having metal blood feed into your. human heart has gotta fuck some shit up

i have so many thoughts abt how ivy’s sleep memory loss works but thats for a separate post

thank u anon we r projecting :] disabled mechs rights 10/10

#the mechs #the mechanisms #good headcanon

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cdfreak · 2 years

Note

deaf signing girl, jeans, cactus, soup, basketball, train, broom, teddy bear, pride flag, virgo, cherries + dynamite for all of them lol

🧏‍♀️ DEAF SIGNING GIRL - do they have any disabilities? (if so) what are they?

MARA: yes <3 girlie has sooo much ptsd and autism. she doesn't have any physical disabilities aside from like the general chronic pain issues that living in a nuclear wasteland brings, although some nerves in her face are damaged and she deals with some minor facial paralysis

RED: also ptsd and autism #slay she also has psychosis although it kind of varies in severity, it's pretty low level and doesnt affect her life a ton for the most part but she will kind of occasionally slip into periods of debilitating paranoid delusions with hallucinations sprinkled in for extra flavor. its initially caused by all the trauma but her little months-long drug bender during fnv definitely uhh made that worse lol. her hearings also impaired later in life (gradually gets worse the longer shes been living in the wasteland)

NIX: another autistic girlie omg <3 as for physical disabilities i am not sure!! i have been thinking about making her chronically ill but i have yet to settle on if she is/if so which specific illness

👖 JEANS - what is their most iconic outfit?

MARA: i think her most instantly recognizable outfit like to other wastelanders is the minutemen general uniform but i like her retiree outfit which is a pink plaid button up and some grey slacks

RED: the merc veteran outfit OH OR the tunnel snakes jacket!!!

NIX: not a full outfit ig but DEFINITELY her gecko skin jacket

🌵 CACTUS - what is a sore subject for them?

MARA: her exes tbh ... talking about cait has been unofficially banned by nick for everyones sake. also she hates talking about her husband outside of like. opening up about trauma associated with him/her old life. but he doesnt come up as much because he fawking died before anyone could meet him lol whereas cait was like in the besties companion group before the breakup

RED: her dad oh my god. pretty much anything about the vault tbh she is coping by pretending none of it exists and ignoring it

NIX: theres no sore subjects for her really like. she will get sad talking about bad things that happened to her obviously but she never gets angry at people for bringing something up and she tries her best to stay positive - like if the bighorners come up in conversation shell try and talk about like things they taught her or good times she had with them instead of getting upset thinking about howthey umm Died

🍲 SOUP - do they like to cook? are they good at it?

MARA: she LOVES cooking omg. that post thats like fallout 4 shouldve let the sole survivor make all those weird gross 50's foods she does that 100%. she is good at it too!! she has her little besties group over for dinner every week and she cooks almost every time :)

RED: red doesnt really like cooking for the most part BUT she is so good at grilling meat or veggies over a fire. autism be damned my kid can work a grill

NIX: nix is so fucking good at cooking but ONLY on a campfire. if you tried to teach her how to use an oven or a stove she would start crying. she loves making weird meals out of random parts of animals and plants!! it doesnt always come out great but she gets so excited thinking up new recipes<3 arcade is so scared about it hes like someday you are going to suck the venom out of a radscorpion venom gland and die and shes like ok sunburn boy

🏀 BASKETBALL - do they know any pre-war sports? do they like to play any?

MARA: mara never played sports but she liked to watch baseball and hockey sometimes!!

RED: red is #1 baseball fan of ever she loved playing it in vault 101 she was so good at batting. she sucked at like every other part of it though lol

NIX: nix does not know what a sport is and the concept confuses her. "how is that different from a game?? why does it get a different name thats dumb"

🚆 TRAIN - what is their answer to the trolley problem?

MARA: mara would kill the one person to save the 5 but she would get so like fucked up about it. every night when she closes her eyes she sees the face of that one person as the trolley grows closer and closer. she falls back into alcoholism

RED: red would walk away from the lever. "thats none of my business i dont even know these people"

NIX: nix would somehow like reprogram the trolley in those 15 seconds before it runs a bunch of people over and save everyone involved because shes a genius

🧹 BROOM - how clean or messy are they usually? do their cleaning habits (or the opposite) annoy the people around them?

MARA: mara is very messy and clumsy but she does her best to like clean up after herself after shes done doing whatever she was doing

RED: red is kind of a slob tbh. when she was a kid she would have to get like all her comics taken away and banned from hanging out with amata and cyan or playing baseball to be motivated to clean up her room

NIX: nix is neat but only because like. the way she was raised 1) she never really had a ton of stuff in the first place? so it was hard to be messy when there wasnt a ton of stuff to make a mess with. 2) her family was nomadic so there wasnt a lot of time to make a mess wherever she was, and if she did make a mess around camp she always helped clean it up before they packed up and moved again because a lot of emphasis was placed on not messing up the land and leaving it how they found it (this was partially for safety reasons as they were pretty much constantly being tracked by bounty hunters or the ncr, and partially just because respect for the environment was important to the bighorners) and 3) not wasting supplies was important, wastefulness was frowned upon and supplies were never really in great abundance so every time you cooked or sewed or tinkered or anything you took those scraps and turned them into something else useful instead of just tossing them aside

🧸 TEDDY BEAR - what are their thoughts on children? do they have any / would they ever have any and home many?

MARA: mara LOVES kids so much, she used to be a middle + elementary school art teacher before the war and she was so excited about having shaun. she brought synth shaun with her when she left the institute, and she is raising him with her wife (curie). i think one kid is more than enough for her right now when shes still dealing with a bunch of minutemen and railroad responsibilities but once she retired if there were like orphans that needed adopting she would 100% be down to have more kids!! she is not getting pregnant ever again though. she didnt even really want to when she had shaun before the war, and the idea of being pregnant in the wasteland is a million times less appealing

RED: red loves kids she thinks theyre so funny and cute and she is like uncharacteristically kind to them compared to adults. i dont think shed be a good parent though lol and she knows that so while i think when shes older shed love to be like an aunt or something she does not want to have kids of her own. she kind of does anyway though um LOL in my fo4 playthrough i know 100% she would never leave synth shaun behind to die so she brings him to sanctuary and asks jun and marcy to look after him but he still like is programmed to believe shes his mother so she visits and hangs out with him whenever she can. i think she likes him even if being called mom is soooo uncomfortable 2 her

NIX: nix thinks kids are cooler than adults <3 but its definitely hard for her to make friends her age since shes like #weird :( she has not thought much about having kids

🏳️‍🌈 PRIDE FLAG - what is their sexuality?

breaking format for this but mara + red are both lesbians and nix umm idk she hasnt really thought about it

♍️ VIRGO - what is their zodiac?

breaking format again oops but red is the only one with a canon birthday (july 13, so shes a cancer) lol idk enough abt astrology to assign mara and nix zodiacs

🍒 CHERRIES - a random sweet headcanon.

MARA: i think mara and the vault tec rep guy have little lunches when shes in sanctuary!! they are friends :)

RED: she lets bittercup give her a little makeover one time and i think it sparks a love for nail polish <33

NIX: stories from arcade, the medical supplies shes donated & help shes offered, and just her generally likeable personality have all made nix really well-liked around the old mormon fort and at least one of the Followers always has some sort of little present for her when she comes around to visit

🧨 DYNAMITE - a random angsty headcanon.

MARA: most of mara's family is essentially immortal, and its hard for her to deal with. her son, her wife, and two of her closest friends will all stay the same as she ages and eventually dies and it scares her

RED: red finds it really hard to work with robotics after the events of fallout 3. tinkering with machinery and robots was a favorite hobby of hers, one of the first things about the wasteland that she truly enjoyed and that let her start to let go of her vault life and accept living in the wasteland, but her tremor makes the more delicate work almost impossible and some of the tech is just too reminiscent of the enclave for her

NIX: even by the end of fnv nix still doesnt remember her family in its entirety, although by this point she knows she has amnesia and she knows there are several people who were in her life but she cant remember. she feels really guilty about it, thinks if she really had cared about them then she'd remember

#asks #red caster #mara schatz #bullseye nix flores #🔪 hayden tag #THANK U FOR ALL THE QUESTIONS KING <3

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mac-n-cheese-flavored-arson · 4 years

Text

Tag List

This is long

4d- things that remind me of other dimensions, dissociation, and interdimensional travel

?- something that I don’t know how to tag in the moment or that doesn’t fit any category

@ asher- this is something that reminds me of my fiance or our relationship

@ lori- things about my close friend and/or things that remind me of her

aesthetic- a variety of stuff but anything that’s aesthetic

aliens- things with aliens or UFOs

anarchy- anything with the anarchy symbol or relating to anarchist beliefs

animals- cute animals

are things flammable- this is my on-going science experiment where I test if random things are flammable and occasionally accidentally light myself on fire

arson- anything with a primary focus on fire or containing a real life fire

art- something I enjoy and want to reblog that is art and either reblogged soley because it is art or I couldn’t find another way to tag it

atla- things about avatar the last Airbender

barbed wire- anything with barbed wire as the main focus of the image

blinkee- the flashing banners or blinkess made by other people

bobs burgers- anything about bobs burgers including memes and gifs and anything else that's cool

broken glass- pictures of broken glass, videos of glass breaking, digital recreations of broken screens, etc. Basically just stuff that looks like broken glass or is broken glass

cars- this is about the movie cars, not actual cars

cayden art- stuff that is either my art or my photo edit

cayden photography- my photography, before edits usually

cayden poetry- my poetry

cayden vent- my personal posts that are me venting, they're fine to reblog unless tagged or said otherwise, this will also include reblogs from my vent blog

covid 19- this is my current coronavirus tag so that it can be content filtered

criminal minds- anything about the show criminal minds

dino- anything with dinosaurs in any form

disability- posts about chronic pain, chronic illness, disability, mobility aids, or pictures of people using mobility aids/pictures of their mobility aids

dropout- things relating to the failings of the public school system, my personal expirence with dropping out of highschool, and others' expirence with dropping out of highschool

drugs- most things drug related, pictures of drugs, edits containing drugs, memes about sobriety, memes about drugs, etc. This won’t contain pictures of hard drugs like meth or syringes

drunk tag- personal posts made when I was shitfaced or high

embroidery- cool embroidery projects, tutorials, patterns, reference pictures, and embroidered patches

eyes- anything with eyes as the main focus but not pictures of people or animals, this is primarily creepy things

face tag- pictures of my face or my tattoos/piercings

fashion- anything that I want to use as inspiration for my own personal style

fave- my personal favorite things

g&f- anything related to grace and frankie, including things about those actors/actresses

galaxy- anything with galaxy colors or themed around planets, space, and stars but only aesthetically

glitch- anything thats glitchy

graffiti- anything with spray painting or street art in it

gravity falls- anything about gravity falls

h0rny- stuff reblogged because sex lol

hands- pictures of hands, esp ones that I want around my throat lmao, this is also a generally horny tag

home- anything that I’m using as an inspiration for my future house

if you dont send me an ask youre straight and cis and I hope you can live w/ that- this is my tag for ask games lmao 😂

info- long textposts of information about something, usually containing other links

lava lamp- pictures of lava lamps, usually weird or trippy

lgbt- anything that relates to the lgbt community, flags, textposts, pride edits, new stories, etc.

lifehack- things that make your life easier

mcr- anything related to my chemical romance or those band members, including things about the songs, lyrics, and things from their solo careers

megamind- things about megamind the movie

memes- any memes or things that I find funny including tik-toks

mental health- things related to mental health and mental illness, including trauma but not including nuerodivergent stuff

minecraft- anything related to minecraft including builds, memes, stories, plushies, etc.

moodboard- any moodboard

nature- aesthetic pictures of trees, clouds, skylines, forests, etc.

nd stuff- things about being nuerodivergent, including things about autism or relatable adhd posts

not adhd but also an autism mood- this is my tag for reblogging adhd posts that also apply to me as an autistic person (that doesn't have adhd)

original content- anything that I have posted myself or added my own comment onto

otters- videos or pictures of otters

p&f- anything related to phineas and ferb

piercings- anything with piercings as the primary focus of the picture or cool piercings that I want to use as a reference

piss- .

poetry- poetry lmao

political- anything that is discourse or political

positivity- things that are positive and positivity related

punk- anything that embodies punk like fashion or music or cool/edgy stuff

rainbow- anything that is rainbow

rats- pictures of rats, animations of rats, stickers of rats, all things rats

shrek- anything about shrek including memes and art

slam poetry- good slam poems, stuff about artists, stuff about performances, everything about slam poetry

slime- that ones kinda obvoius

soap cutting- I don’t use this one much but yeah its literally just soap cutting

steven universe- anything about steven universe or steven universe future, often including spoilers

stimmy- anything that I personally find stimmy, like gifs, paint mixing, soap cutting, or slime

story- a textpodt where there's a funny or interesting story to read

tattoos- pictures or other people's tattoos

teeth- anything with teeth as the main focus, sometimes human teeth or bloody ones

textpost- anything that is a textpost in a wide variety of different categories, I try to only use this tag when I don’t know what else to tag it as

the office- memes, screengrabs, textposts, all about the office and Dwight being an ignorant slut

things about me- this is a new tag for things that describe who I am as a person, my expierences, and things that I like and identity with, it'll be mostly reblogs but it might have some of my own posts too

things that made me cry- this is pretty self explanatory

trash- a particular aesthetic that’s weird and unnerving, I’m not entirely sure how to explain it but essentially a mix of oddcore, scenecore, and creepycore, cryptidcore, and a few others

trauma- this is trauma related stuff but this tag is really inconsistent

tweet- a screenshot of a tweet

urban- things that remind me of urban living, like abandoned buildings, trash heaps, trashed bedrooms, etc

video- its a video, but I try to primarily keep this tag for funny videos

weapons- anything with guns, knives, swords, or other weapons

#bio #original content #march 2020

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pannil · 5 years

Text

12-19-2018

self harm and suicide mentions

idk who will see this and who wont. but that doesnt matter at thiss point.

i am sso anxious all the time. it definitely is linked to my job at some timess but i dont know why else.. maybe its this new medication thats really fucking me up. my psych told me that bupropion is supposed to give me energy. if anything i feel more tired than before. i dont know how i feel about it. my chest hurts a lot but thats also the usual depresssion lol. not a lot of people ik that have depression also experience the severe chest pain?? idk but i hate that i do. it hurts soo bad when i am sad. recently its been a constant dull feeling just below my ribcage and i cant ignore it for too long. mayve if im actively laughinh and having fun with my friends then i forget its theree. but as soon as i stop laughing that small ache returns and it doesnt go away... its not even that bad of pain but the fact that its chronic is horrible. i hate. i always feel like i want to cry but i cant ever do it!! my body wont llet me cry and i just want to cry and stop that feeling.

i want to claw my nails into that spot and rip out the piece that is hurting. i keep thinking about taking a knife and stabbing myself in that spot. it hurts. so bad. idk how else to fix it at this point

school is bad. i cannot fix things. im scared to check my email and see all of the inevitable messsagess from the scchool telling me i am a stupid bitch who cant come back to take classes because she fucked everything up. i cant do this. idk whats goin on at this point. i need help but im scared to ask. ik my sibling is disappointed in me. i dont want to make them feel sad or disappointed that i am doing so bad and cant figure this stuff out for myself.

i need to stop smoking so much. when i come down from the high i feel so bad. it hurts so bad and i waant someone to cut me open and remove what hurts. please i just dont want it to hurt anymore. i want it to stop and i want to stop being a burden and piece of shit and failure. i just want to end it and get it over with. i have failed everyone and i dont deserve to be alive anymore.

i want to cut myself so badly. i hate cleaning up though. getting blood everywhere isnt exactly ideal. my body is tired

#my post #personal #self harm #sui///cide

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themagiciansreccenter · 6 years

Text

Author Spotlight @echomoon

Every week we are going to be interviewing a writer from The Magicians fandom. If you would like to be interviewed or you want to nominate a writer, get in touch via our ask box.

First things first, tell us a little about yourself.

what up im jared, im 19 and i never learned how to fuckign read. JK my name is Theo and I super know how to read. Most of the time. Also I’m 22. Anyway I’m one of the more OG members of the Magicians fandom, having been here since back in the early days of early s1. Uhhh I’m nonbinary and hella queer. Metafic is my most favorite thing in the world other than puppies. I cry at least once a day. I have adhd and depression and chronic pain and hella other issues. I’m an anthropology major, in my third year. I’m a slytherin, an illusions discipline, and a pisces.

How long have you been writing for?

Since I learned how, basically, but I only really started posting things online because of the Magicians and also because of Twilight?

What inspired you to start writing for The Magicians?

It’s the BEST and I find it very easy to write from Quentin’s pov which means I actually finish things sometimes lol.

Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write? What it is about them that makes them your favourite?

Quentin, because he is essentially me if I was born as a cisdude except more repressed in terms of sexuality and also more wealthy, which makes him super easy to write and super easy to get ideas about. I also like Penny, because for some reason people think I’m good at writing him?

Do you have a preference for a particular season/point in time to write about?

I write a lot set in the Brakebills years because I like the whole magic school thing and the exploration of magic and interpersonal relationships without having to deal with the Beast or other threats trying to destroy everything they know and love? Like I like that slow burn, spread out, things are happening but they’re happening slowly and also heres some meta about magic kind of exploration that that time gives me the opportunity to do. I think this is partially influenced by that the first book has them in that setting so much longer, and partially because I’m still doing the whole college thing myself and find that easiest to relate to (because no one really wants to read ‘Quentin working two part time jobs and struggling to survive and nothing else happens’ unless it’s just a tiny segment of the fic lmao).

Are you working on anything right now? Care to give us an idea about it?

Well, in regards to Magicians fic, I’m still trudging along on chapter two of Magician’s Path - I’m trying to introduce more of Julia’s side of the story as well as working on how to warp the two canons into each other while also making the storyline unique - and also on the next part of crazy/classic/life, my paradise kiss and magicians crossover au. I’m also trying to find the time to record more podfic of my fics, because I think its important to have audiofic available. But nothing new, just continuations.

As for other fandoms, I’m working on a HELLA long reworking of the Descendants universe (hi i love disney channel movies dont judge), and that’s my primary focus right now in terms of fic.

How long is your “to do list”?

Very

What is your favourite fic that you’ve written for The Magicians? Why?

Oh heck, um… probably either all tied up or The Magician’s Path. all tied up was my first time writing PiV smut and also writing shadeless!Julia and I’m just really proud of it? And TMP is like, my baby, my huge multichapter canon reworking that I’m putting so much planning into and I’m always so excited to talk about it. I know it doesn’t seem like much yet but y’all I have so many plans for it and I hope you end up loving it as much as I do.

Many writers have a fic that they are passionate about that doesn’t get the reception from the fandom that they hoped for. Do you have a fic you would like more people to read and appreciate?

TMP for sure - I hope that when I’m done more people give it a try.

What is your writing process like? Do you have any traditions or superstitions that you like to stick to when you’re writing?

Ha my writing process is either ‘has no ideas for months straight and then suddenly idea when I’m supposed to be doing something else but I gotta write this down!!!’ or ‘one sentence every month at most’. Now that the FTB server has gotten bigger, I’ve found some people who will proofread for me, so there’s that editing process afterwards (thanks @oneeyeddestroyer for being the best beta).

I guess my only superstition is that if I’m doing a multichapter or big work I try not to give too much detail out when I talk about it because I get worried that saying about the plot too much will make me lose interest in it.

Do you write while the seasons are airing or do you prefer to wait for hiatus? How does the ongoing development of the canon influence and inspire your writing process?

I do tend to write more when the show is airing, because more people are engaged and it’s something to fill the void between episodes - during hiatus I tend to drift away a bit and focus on other fandoms. This is the first show thats been so all consuming for me, I don’t usually watch things while they air because I tend to forget about remembering to watch them after a week or so? But Magicians keeps pulling me back and keeping me in.

As for ongoing canon developments, it really depends on the thing. If it fits into my plot of it’s a detail I want to put in, I might, but otherwise I’m comfortable lifting what I want from canon and throwing the rest out for a fic - we follow a show with canon multiverses, we can do what we want lmao.

What has been the most challenging fic for you to write?

Honestly, most of my fics? Because I try to improve every time I write and like, explore new things. So whatever I’m working on at the time is the most challenging.

Are there any themes or tropes that you particularly like to explore in your writing?

EVERYONE BEING HAPPY AND NOTHING BAD HAPPENING EVER cough cough I mean, um. I like meta, I like worldbuilding and exploring meta and seeing what I can change. I keep accidentally writing soulmate fics? So that’s a trend I guess.

Are there any writers that inspire your work? Fanfiction or otherwise?

Oh heck, so many dude, I don’t even know, I’m gonna just link you to my bookmarks because that’s the fic I love and probably unconsciously imitate on the often

As for nonfic, like I def want to write like Marisha Pessl or Tamora Pierce or Donna Tartt or Lev Grossman or Mark Z Danielewski but more in his house of leaves phase than his current stuff tbh or Neil Gaiman and also like. Everything that you read or watch or experience makes up how you see the world and how you create what you create and I consume so much stuff I can’t even begin to guess my influences beyond the little tidbits that I keep in my bookmarks or on my shelves.

What are you currently reading? Fanfiction or otherwise?

Currently I’m reading a lot of harry potter fic - the mood is the department of mysteries or other exploration of magic, so things related to that. HP fic is my go to when I’m not revving for any fandom in particular. Nonfic, I’m working my way through Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, which is hella fucking good, as well as a bajillion textbooks.

What is the most valuable piece of writing advice you’ve ever been given?

Fuck canon do what you want

Cringe time:

Are there any words or phrases you worry about over using in your work?

Yes but now that you ask can I remember any? Nope.

What was the first fanfic that you wrote? Do you still have access to it?

Oh shit dude I don’t even know. The earliest one I can remember was this like, post twilight self insert fic where the cullens came to my middle school for some reason? I barely finished the intro of it iirc but it might still be in my stack of papers in my old room somewhere.

Rapid Fire Round:

Self-edit or Beta? Beta (always get a beta kids! They’re worth their weight in gold)

Comments or Kudos/Reblogs or Likes? Comments!! (please, leave me comments, i live for them)

Smut, Fluff or Angst? fluff

Quick & Dirty or Slow Burn? Slow burn

Favourite season? All?????? Dont make me choose

Favourite episode? Im stuck between life in a day or all that josh

Favourite book(The Magicians books)? Probably book 2, i love seeing julia’s side of things and exploring hedge magic

Three favourite words? BUTTS, lore, hearth

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