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#also also also as part of the communication thing i think that a lot of their philosophies about violence and murder and x-men
squishytenya · 3 days
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Hey Do you remeber your Tenya and Aizawa ask, with y/n Crying? What about some of the other casts like Katsuki or Ejiro?
if you dont mind please and thank you
They Make You Cry Headcanons
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I lowkey had to search my own blog for this but I found it! thanks for the request <3
Pairings - Bakugou x gn!reader, Kirishima x gn!reader + Kaminari x gn!reader
Warnings - arguments, cursing, crying
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Katsuki Bakugou
▹part of being in a relationship with Katsuki is dealing with his harsh personality. Even if he does calm down the older he gets, it's still probably not to the same extent of a normal human being.
▹he probably would be completely speechless the moment you started crying after an argument - straight up would not know how to respond to that.
▹his eyes would go wide and he would go to take a step towards you and then bring himself back, holding his arm to himself.
▹"hey... don't do that"
▹for all his faults Katsuki is, deep inside, a good person and he knows this is the kind of shit you lose relationships from and he really really doesn't want to lose you.
▹ but he does know he can be a bit much and he probably takes a while to come down from whatever he's feeling so he just kinda leaves for a few minutes
▹ he comes back with a cup of tea and perches gently on the bed next to you, avoiding eye contact
▹he would do his best to spit out an apology, but it's not something that would come naturally to him. Seeing your face crumple like it did is still replaying in his mind and he knows he has to fix this somehow - so he does his best to explain himself
▹eventually he would just stop rambling and take your hand in his, squeezing it gently.
▹"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that to you"
▹ he'd just sit by you, hand in his until you were ready to talk to him and talk over what had led to the argument in the first place and he really does take your words to heart about what upset you
▹he'd try to cut down on raising his voice and try to cut out teasing nicknames entirely, unless he knew you were okay with them already
▹a sweet guy really
Eijirou Kirishima
▹I cannot see Kiri upsetting you on purpose, even during an argument he isn't the type to yell or get super angry with you
▹him making you cry is most likely a complete accident on his part, or even him accidentally playing into an insecurity you have without properly thinking about it
▹when your relationship first started out, I think he probably didn't understand you might not be comfortable with the things he's comfortable with, especially during social situations
▹ also probably doesn't understand others might read his kindness as flirting, so when you two are invited to a hero party to socialise and he pretty much ignored you the whole night, he had no idea why you began tearing up on the way home
▹obviously, he's worried about why you're crying and what he did! and how he can fix it is at the forefront of his mind almost immediately after noticing
▹and when you explain it to him, he pretty much crumbles straight away - he is in disbelief that he made you feel that way
▹he falls over himself explaining that he didn't mean to make you feel that way, he was just overwhelmed by the pressure of hero society and got caught up
▹Kiri is very good at admitting when he is wrong, and puts a lot of effort into having healthy communication in his relationships - platonic or otherwise
▹pulls over the car literally just so he can hold both of your hands in his and make eye contact as he explains his actions, specifically so you understand he's being genuine
▹"I'd never do that to you on purpose, you're the most important person to me"
▹after your sniffles have subsided, he pulls you into a hug and promises never to do something like that again - and you bet he keeps his promise!!!
▹takes you to get food too, just as an extra apology and you sit in the car park eating ice cream together - he makes sure you're the center of his attention the entire time <3
Denki Kaminari
▹oh he's so stupid. he's so lovely, but so, so stupid.
▹honestly he probably says something insanely embarrassing in front of your friends and pays no attention to how that might make you feel, especially if you're close to these people
▹doesn't even notice when the room goes completely silent and nobody is talking but him, it takes one of his friends clearing their throat for him to notice your eyes filling with tears
▹in his defense, he does try to explain himself straight away and takes you into another room to have the conversation (at the very least) but it takes a little bit more explaining to him why his actions would upset you
▹doesn't really get it at first but you explaining, and your face as you cry, makes his heart hurt and he tries to rectify his actions as soon as he can
▹the first thing he thinks to do in that moment is bundle you up in his arms and rock the both of you back and forth to calm you down, which works a little more than you'd like to admit
▹runs his hands over your back, up and down, until your breathing evens out - does not give a shit about anyone outside of you two in that moment
▹once you've stopped crying, full on apology - hands and knees!
▹he seems genuinely heartbroken to have embarrassed you and takes full responsibility for what he did
▹ kicks everyone else out of the house and spends the rest of the evening making it up to you and reminding you of how important you are to him and just how sorry he is
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I hope these were good! I haven't written in ages so this'll be the first comeback headcanons, hope you guys enjoyed it <3
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hotvintagepoll · 3 days
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Propaganda
Celia Johnson (Brief Encounter)—She had the most soulful eyes! Like an anime character, it's insane. And she was fantastic in Brief Encounter. I also like that she's relatively ordinary looking, compared to some of the really glamorous Hollywood celebrities? She had an understated beauty, you know? And she's British so horray for national pride, lol.
Hedy Lamarr (Samson and Delilah, Ziegfeld Girl)—Look. I'm sure someone has already submitted Hedy Lamarr because she was spectacularly beautiful, and a very strong lady too: she fled both an abusive marriage AND nazi persecution at a very young age and rebuilt a life for herself pursuing her love for acting all on her own!! Her career as an actress was stellar; while she began acting outside of Hollywood (her very first movie, Ecstasy, won a prize at the Venice Film Festival), she conquered American hearts very quickly with her first movie in the US, Algiers, and then just kept getting better and better. If all this isn't enough, she was also an inventor: her invention of the frequency-hopping spread spectrum radio transmission technique forms the base of bluetooth and has a lot of applications in all kinds of communication technologies. I think that deserves a prize, don't you?
This is round 2 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.
[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]
Celia Johnson:
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An argument actually broke out in a film course I was taking, mostly filled with pensioners, because someone called Celia Johnson "not that beautiful" while we were talking about Brief Encounter. I don't understand how anyone can watch that movie and say that, she's got such magnetism and I think she's so gorgeous!!!
This woman set the bar for romantic doomed love and NO ONE has ever bettered it.
Hedy Lamarr:
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The only person you can find both on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and in the Inventor's Hall of Fame--her radio-frequency-hopping technology forms the basis for cordless phones, wi-fi, and a dozen other aspects of modern life. She was also passionate in her efforts to aid the Allies in WWII (unsurprising for a Jewish-Austrian Emigree to America), and her name served as the backbone for one of the best running jokes in what is possibly Mel Brooks' best movie. Look, Louis B. Mayer apparently believed he could plausibly promote her as "The world's most beautiful woman". Is an entire website full of people going to be less audacious than one Louis B. Mayer? I didn't think so!
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Described as "Hedy has the most incredible personal sophistication. She knows the peculiarly European art of being womanly; she knows what men want in a beautiful woman, what attracts them, and she forces herself to be these things. She has magnetism with warmth, something that neither Dietrich nor Garbo has managed to achieve" by Howard Sharpe, she managed to escape her controlling husband (and Nazi Germany) by a) Disguising as her maid and fleeing to Paris or b) Convincing the husband to let her wear all of her jewelry to a dinner, only to disappear afterwards. Also she was particularly clever and helped develop Frequency-Hopping Spread Spectrum (I can't really explain it but anyway...)
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One of the most beautiful women ever in film, spoken by many critics and fans. Beautiful shapely figure, deeper seductive voice, and often played femme fatale roles. She was also brilliant and an inventor. Mainly self-taught, she invested her spare time, including on set between takes, in designing and drafting inventions, which included an improved traffic stoplight and a tablet that would dissolve in water to create a flavored carbonated drink, and much more.
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Her depiction of Delilah and Samson and Delilah just lives rent free in my head. The woman was gorgeous.
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Gorgeous and brilliant pioneer of modern technology and the middle part.
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freckliedan · 7 hours
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wait can you talk more about christmas 2018?
Anonymous asked: Just what you said in your post! "the first christmas where they publicly spent that much time together" did they usually keep quiet about where they were?
i can't speak to the 2014-16 era because i fell out of touch with the fandom at that time, but i was absolutely around during 2017 & 18. both of those years marked HUGE shifts, and both of those huge shifts came at the tail end of gamingmas/dilmas. you can check out my original frog theory post and my frog theory tag for elaboration on the function of gamingmas irt all of this. as just like. prerequisite framework reading.
ANYWAYS. the thing that was such a big deal was that dan was openly visiting the lesters with phil. yes, you can visit friends' families during the holidays. but it's much more frequently something you do with a significant other. so the ruckus was because dan and phil knew the conclusions people would jump to if we knew dan visited the lesters at christmas, and they still let us know that it happened.
(this got disgustingly long, so i'm putting the rest of this post under the cut.)
part of what made that such a big deal was having that happen after the no homo/closet era, the "we're not together we're not even that close of friends we're just roommates" era. the significance of their trust & openness was MUCH more tangibly felt. a way larger percent of the fandom at that time had been present when the vday video leaked/had joined shortly afterwards when that was one of the biggest things impacting both phandom culture and our relationship with dnp.
so in 2017 when we got a glimpse of dan up north at the lesters' in a couple of cornelia's instagram stories? we lost our fucking minds about it. it was only 2 (i think) background cameos, but it was quite literally unprecedented. it's not something that qualifies as openly spending time together at the holidays because of the method throug which we found out about it, but like. there's no way they didn't know that cornelia was posting those, and no way that they didn't know we'd know about it.
when i say we, i mean dedicated phannies. people who could possibly be reading this post, not casual subscribers to the gaming channel. because when it comes to casual viewers, or even people who aren't a part of dan and phil's usual audience at all? there's a lot of methods of communication that they just plain aren't paying attention to and won't be aware of.
the most direct, permanent methods dan and phil have for communicating are videos on either of their individual channels or on dan and phil games, and after that is instagram grid posts or tweets, as well as videos on their side channels. twitter replies, insta stories, livestreams, and their public likes on any social media platform? those are for a more private audience. their appearances in other people's posts reaches a similarly small audience.
knowing that they were starting to be more and more open through the communication channels only open between them and dedicated fans, and that it was a trend - december 2017 is also when phil, in a liveshow, read out someone's "you and dan are so married" comment and just.. laughingly said "it-it's a useful thing". (link to gifs of that). it wasn't a one-off. it was a trend.
and compared to 2018, it was dust. they spent the whole year becoming increasingly open with us, through increasingly direct methods. it was a whirlwind. even for people who've watched all the videos and liveshows, you don't have the whole picture. the onslaught was coming at us from every angle at all moments. you'd have to also explore the full archives of social media posts, insta stories, meet and greets , social media likes, and like.. the archived recordings of every interactive introverts tour date. it was batshit.
it was genuinely one of the most insane years of my life. i was having physical symptoms. we all knew what was coming, we all could tell they were working up towards coming out, but nobody wanted to trust that we were right about that. my dashboard was regularly at a fever pitch.
and december 2018 was the culmination of everything. and then they were talking directly to us in a liveshow and being. insanely open. they told us that dan was going with phil to visit the lesters. and they told us that pinof was ending. and then dilmas started dropping, aggressively cementing the fact that dab and evan were sim-universe proxies for dnp, while dan and phil posted instagram grid and story updates about visiting the lesters. and then dab and evan came home to the howlter house for the holidays. and got engaged.
and then they went on hiatus, and we pretty much did not hear from dan until he came out.
the point is. we knew there was a fucking insane energy. we KNEW something big was coming. we fucking knew. it was a two year build up to dan and phil being the most publicly gay they'd ever been on the gaming channel and every single other platform - and part of that insanity was them being open about dan visiting the lesters, which coincided with them having their proxy sims get gay engaged while visiting family.
"did they usually keep quiet about where they were?" anon, the last time before all this that they had openly acknowledged dan visiting the lesters during the holidays was 2009.
the way they were acting over christmas of 2018 had me experiencing shrimp emotions to such an intense degree i was having verifiable psychic visions.
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arrowfleur · 13 hours
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“What was that for?”
Some more thoughts on Darlin’s love languages and Sam’s HBS. Part 1 observations.
Disclaimer: I wrote this last summer so if all of this seems really obvious now that’s why but I’m just posting my drafts and I still like it 😌
(Also thank you to @darlin-collins for reminding me I wanted to write this when you reblogged that old Darlin love languages post of mine! I remember you said that you wouldn’t mind if I talked about it for hours and so I hope this and the next post serve you well <3 )
To me it is clear that touch is one of Darlin’s main love languages . In their relationship, Darlin’ initiated the first touch (besides healing) when asking to hug Sam. The first video with the pair in a non-platonic relationship, Darlin strokes their fingers across Sam’s chest and initiates their first kiss, whereas Sam clarify’s his feelings with words.
Darlin’ also does not hesitate in hugging Asher nor David when the contact is offered, instead eagerly using it as a way to receive/give comfort.
Which makes it all the more devastating when you remember how long they went without it/ how they used physical touch to harm themselves. The way that as soon as Sam asked if there was anything he could do for them in the video after the David debacle Darlin straight away asks if he could give them a hug?!?! 😫😫
Whenever Sam compliments Darlin’ there is very rarely a gap where they’d reply but there is commonly a kiss straight after. Which shows that they use physical touch to display emotion and communicate as well.
For example; Straight after Sam’s famous ‘you just feel so right, like I didn’t know it could’ and ‘a lot of things come easy with you’ lines.
When Sam assures them that it’s okay to rest and relax when they moved in with him, Darlin’ once again kisses him straight after and then proceeds to move onto his lap.
In Sam’s HBS 22 they kiss Sam (to comfort him) straight after he confides in not wanting to burden them with the fact he can’t go out in the sunlight (at 12:47) and straight after he compliments how they look (at 16:40, as a thank you).
So when Darlin’ kissed Sam at the nightclub to stop him from overthinking and he responded with ‘what was that for?’ It was a genuine question. He knows they use physical touch to communicate and he didn’t understand what they meant by it, since to him there was no comfort or thanks necessary.
And I just think that’s cute as shit.
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robogart · 2 days
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no hate at all whatsoever, just an inquiring mind who has never understood adoptables or things like that - are you not concerned that people will just take the outfits you designed and use them for their characters anyway? or, derivatives of it? what kind of rights do you have as the artist and like, what makes it a worthwhile business for you?
Adoptables are honestly something I'm extremely new to, so I feel like I'm not as informed in the business of it as others are (so feel free to chime in anyone who has bought/makes adoptables and has more insight)!
When it comes to people just taking the designs, I feel like you could argue that's a concern for any piece of art/design that's out here on the internet. As wild as the internet is, I truly believe most people are cool and see that ripping off a design from someone is unkind and hurtful. And more often than not, people will notice if someone plagiarized an artists work and will reach out to the artists to let them know.
On the whole, I think for everyone 1 person who will steal a design, there are at least 100+ people who think that's shitty and will back up an artist for it. Word gets out and for as big as the internet is, the art spaces and communities are quite small. People look out for one another here and grifters and art theft isn't tolerated in these spaces.
For rights it varies for everyone, but I usually give personal/non-commercial rights (although I'm open for buying commercial rights for some adoptables) and I retain the ability to use the design for promotional work (I don't usually end up doing this, but I put it in just in case)! And also I ask to be credited as well.
I enjoy making adoptables simply because I like designing things and instead of having them sit in a folder, it's nice to put them up for sale so they can get a new life somewhere! I wouldn't call it a huge part of my business right now because I'm still pretty fresh at it and do it rather infrequently (and I'm still learning a lot about it)! But it's fun nonetheless and if someone grabs a design, it's always really cool and super appreciated! 🙏💖
I hope this helped answer the question a little bit for you! I apologize again that I'm pretty shallow on my information for adoptables themselves, but I hope I could share a little insight with at least the bits that I know! 🙏💕💖
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getvalentined · 3 days
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I need to talk about the ending of Rebirth, because I'm apparently the only person in the world who liked it.
Putting everything behind a cut, and I would request that anyone who reblog this with spoiler commentary do the same as a courtesy to people who haven't beaten the game yet. It's been just shy of a month since it dropped, so we're still well within the statute of limitations on spoilers. Be nice.
A lot of people are really, really upset about the ending. It's been really weird to have people who went on and on about how they'd be livid if Aerith survived now being furious that she didn't, but I guess it just proves that not only can you not please everyone, but some people are incapable of being pleased.
I've warned everyone I know that Rebirth is the middle part of a trilogy; it was going to end on a low note regardless. That's how trilogies work, the 'ending' of a trilogy's second part isn't an ending at all, it establishes the launching point for the conflict of the conclusion. As a result, second parts will generally strive to be satisfactory with the understanding that it will basically never be satisfying. I'm not going to go into that any more deeply because it's not the key takeaway here, but it's super important to keep that in mind when addressing the ending of any second part, not just Rebirth.
The fact of the matter is, Aerith was never going to survive. That was never on the table, because it was never anyone's decision but hers.
In the OG, Aerith allows herself to be killed so that she can petition Gaia for aid directly, so that she can commune with the planet in-person in order to make sure Holy is activated in time to save everyone. She chose that. She didn't want to die, but she did want to save everyone, and she understood that the only way to do that was by sacrificing herself. Changing that would have been a huge insult to her character, a complete teardown of everything she's been since we met her all the way back in 1997, and it was never going to happen.
In Rebirth, Aerith is capable of dragging Cloud's consciousness into a pocket dimension she's made out of the last days of a terminated timeline in order to both hide him from Sephiroth while he recovers, and to get a working copy of the White Materia that she can use to save the world in the timeline that Sephiroth has chosen to 'save.' She has her own army of Whispers that can and have changed things, that can and have saved people from incidents that should undeniably have killed them. Incidents that did kill them.
If Aerith had wanted to survive in Rebirth, she would have. Sephiroth couldn't have stopped her. We see that in the game, because she literally fights him at the end alongside Cloud, even though she's already dead. Cloud saved her, and then he didn't—and then he did, and then he didn't, he did, he didn't, back and forth and back and forth and we don't know who decided where it stopped.
Sephiroth wanted Aerith out of the way, certainly, but in the end he left of his own accord. He's also the one trying to change the timeline from what it was originally, he doesn't want things to go the way they did in the OG; it's entirely possible that it was Aerith herself who dragged the timeline sideways into the one where she died, because he's wrong and she knows that's the only way to stop him. (I don't necessarily think this is the case, but it's not even close to set in stone.)
I see a lot of people saying that it doesn't matter, nothing mattered, nothing anyone did made a difference because she's still dead. That the only difference that could ever have mattered enough to make it worth it would have been for her to survive—even though it was and has always been Aerith's decision whether or not that came to pass—and I literally can't disagree hard enough.
I think we—and by 'we' I mean the players as much as Cloud and the rest, this is important—changed things in the only way that they could have been changed without condemning the planet to Sephiroth's desperately lonely form of salvation.
When Aerith died in the OG, it happened so suddenly that there was nothing we could do. There was no closure, we never knew if she understood how loved she was, that we would have traded places with her if we could, that nobody wanted her to have to do this alone. We could never really know if she understood how sorry we were to have failed. We didn't get to say goodbye.
Over a quarter century later, we got that. After all this time, decades of knowing that there was nothing we could do to save her but wishing that we at least could have seen her off, Rebirth gave us exactly that.
Aerith wakes up. She's dead because she has to be, but she wakes up. She gets to see how much she's missed, she gets to say goodbye, and we get to say goodbye back. We finally have the chance to not have her taken from us, but to let her go, and to see that it's her decision to stop while everyone else keeps going. It always has been.
Aerith was never going to survive. That was never going to change, because it's not about her—it's about saving the world, and it's about you.
But things are still so different this time, because we finally got to say goodbye, and I can't think of difference we could actually make that could ever be worth any more than that.
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biancasiercke · 1 day
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How long does it take you to make a drawing?
Thanks so much for your question! It kind of depends which drawing you're talking about. Sometimes drawings just happen and they're how I want them to be in one go. If that happens the drawing might only take 10 minutes. But other drawings especially if they have any shading, or a really clean precise line they will take much longer. I'm honestly not entirely sure, because I don't always measure the time, but I would say more complicated drawings can be anywhere from 4 hours - 2 days (or longer) because I will keep reworking things. To give you some examples; These drawings probably took 5-10 minutes each. Somehow my pencil was made out of gold that day lol.
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But there are other examples when I question everything and nothing is coming together. A big part of my process is also writing/storytelling, so a lot of energy goes into making sure that the idea communicates well. Sometimes I will do a really broad exploration of all the things that might be possible and then I will narrow it down by asking
• What shots do I need to tell the story • Is it better to leave out something rather then showing it all These were some explorations I did for the story-line where Claires' hair goes white
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When I've done a bunch of this kind of exploration I will try to do a more concrete line up of shots I think would work best together to tell the story These were from when Jim still had part of the Beast inside him
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Then I will go to do a cleaner pass. Sometimes I go straight to clean, depending how ruff the thumbnail is, or I might do another ruff pass in between. I will usually also try out a bunch of different acting choices too, to figure out what works best for the idea I have. I don't have a great example for that on my computer at the moment, but I tried a few different things for this shot of Krel and Douxie
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All of these steps contribute to the drawing taking a long time. Hope this explanation can be helpful (˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶)>♡
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follows-the-bees · 3 days
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What's ur issue with edizzy?
Any relationship that ties Izzy with Stede or Ed, I am not a fan of. I live by a ship and let ship philosophy but I will curate my timeline so I don't have to see ships that I personally don't like.
I don't like Izzy with Ed because it is clear to me in canon that Izzy doesn't actually love Ed, and he realizes that at the end when he gets to grow and start to become his own person that isn't clinging onto the persona of BB and the strict masculinity Izzy has been holding onto.
To Ed, Izzy is just another father-like figure that is part of his trauma response. (Captain Hornigold, the fisherman, etc are also part of this.) And at least twice, we see Ed react negatively to any affection offered to him from Izzy. He is not in love with him. And I will even argue that while Izzy loves Ed, he isn't in love with the real Ed. He does wish him well though.
I think a large part of Izzy's season two journey is finding out he isn't in love with Ed. And even if Izzy wasn't killed at the end (I think there were plans to bring him back in s3, there's a lot of foreshadowing in the story, just like there was foreshadowing of his death) Ed and Izzy needed to be apart to grow out of their toxicity.
The Discomfort in a Married State episode seems to be peoples biggest evidence of a sexual edizzy. But I think that's a baseline reading of what that episode is trying to communicate. It is not about sex/romance, it is about the societal expectations that are causing the discomfort. For Stede, it is about living in this married state and the societal expectations in it, while he is incredibly unhappy. So unhappy, he runs away, and is even suicidal, but would rather live a short life as a pirate then continue living in "discomfort." For Ed, it is the societal pressures of being Blackbeard. He is also suicidal and trying to get away from it and we see him tell Izzy this directly in this episode, and Izzy's response is basically, buck up and pull yourself up by your bootstraps. (Now there is a whole thing of Izzy as the middle manager trying to keep his bad boss and the crew in check, which is why he responds like that reading. But also, I will say Izzy constantly lies to the crew, to Ed, to whomever, and I don't think it's always to "try to keep everything working" or however you want to phrase it. A lot of times it's to his own advantage, and the show also shows that he's in the wrong. It may be done in a funny way, but throughout both seasons, Izzy continually makes the wrong choices by the narrative.)
Years ago, Ed and Izzy may have gotten along but not anymore. That's why Ed and Stede work so well, they are confined by society and those societal norms being put up on them by outside forces, but together, they can just be themselves.
I haven't even touched upon the abuse side of things because I know that's a tricky subject, but I don't want Ed or Stede to be with their abusers.
You did not ask about stizzy or Steddyhands, but I'm on a role, so here goes.
I read Stede as demisexual. I think there is also a very clear canon reading and support of that theory. And it is also clear he wants Ed, and only Ed. Doesn't mean he hasn't had dalliances with others in the past, but once he's set his mind on Ed, that's who he wants. Because it's Con playing the character, he has sexual vibes with everyone, and that can be easy to play into if you want to ship Izzy with anyone. It makes sense. Especially cause Con will repost any Izzy art, including any Izzy ships, because he is a great man who wants to support art and support us.
But stizzy just doesn't make sense to me, for reasons stated above.
And for Steddyhands, I have found that most people who support Steddyhands are usually using it as a way to heal Izzy. Or that Ed and Stede are too "whim-prone" and they need Izzy to balance them out. And that is clearly taking away both Ed and Stede's agency, which could be a whole other discussion. Also, Izzy has represented the toxic masculinity of being a pirate, and he gets to grow away from that, but not completely. So teaming that person up with the two men, whose entire journey is to get away from societal norms, and not fitting into society because they aren't playing their masculinity right, to become themselves and live by their own rules, takes away the entire thesis of this show and their relationship.
Now having read all this, you may think that I hate Izzy. And the thing is I don't. I love canon Izzy. I don't particularly like fanon Izzy, and quite frankly his more extreme fans have tested my patience on my love for him, but I find him intriguing. But Ed and Izzy's relationship in canon is absolutely fascinating and I loved seeing Izzy's journey over the two seasons. I just don't think it being tied to Ed and Stede sexually/romantically is it. Not for me. But as I said, ship and let ship.
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polyamorouspunk · 19 hours
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i got separated from my husband last year, it was super rough, it was a "im trans and he's not gay" kinda thing which could have been a lot chiller than it was if he didn't surprise out me to his parents, sleep with me when he knew he'd be asking for a divorce three days later, and basically admit he agreed with all the horrible shit his mom specifically said about me (she called me "false advertising" when she found out i was questioning my gender several years prior).
but don't worry. the bad part is over now
two weeks after my separation i got into a fwb situation with one of my aroace friends in person, on the same day as i got into a fwb with a longtime internet friend (also ace. i am also ace and this was a capital P Problem in my marriage too lmao). both were chill, low-stakes, and comfortable and safe in a way my marriage never was. coming on almost a year now and my partner (in person) and my boyfriend (internet) both love and support me, all of me, and they think my gender is cool and important and sexy, and they love my asexuality, and we all communicate open and regularly and i love them both so much. i am loved and happy in a way i didn't realize was even possible. i never really thought of myself as being poly before, but i kinda tripped into it and now im so lucky to have two partners who love me so so much!
just. a happy story i thought you might enjoy 💚
That is so beautiful. I’m so sorry you went through all that shit with your ex-husband but I’m so happy it opened the door for you to be with TWO amazing also ace people.
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sageistrii · 3 days
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Can you please help me with understanding some points?
Today I saw a viminer that was clearly a Jimin anti and I’m so pissed that people claim to stan him just for a clout or because they believe in certain narrative that they have made up by themselves.
Their behaviour is truly hypocritical - she said Jimin has always been careful about lgbt community and v has been always loud about it - “Taehyung gifted Jimin “woman” clothes, so he started accepting himself”. But she never mentions that Jimin called out V for saying that man shouldn’t check selfies, called out members saying that he didnt get why they are so upset about wearing dresses.
But when in one ask someone said that V was being controversial about lgbt - “he called out Jimin for liking man, laughing at his attitude to Jungkook” that girl defended him🤡 like V has always been supportive more than Jimin
Tell me am I right or wrong? Do we have a masterpost about Jimin supporting lgbt or should we make one?
Ok I get this, and it's not like we can ever expect these people to paint him in a good light. The funny thing about how stans use idols or celebs in general talking about or engaging with queer media as proof that they're queer is funny because when you look at someone who's obsessed with queer media or at least wants us to think that they are, it's the straightest person ever. Enjoying a certain type of media doesn't mean you're part of that community, most times queer people engage with and consume straight media more, it doesn't make them less queer.
And I don't understand why we have to prove that Jimin supports LGBTQ.. is he getting an award for his support or does his support cause any significant change in the community?
Also if you ask the average kpop Stan who isn't an army that can't stand the idea of Tae with a woman so they try to convince themselves he's gay because he posted about a wong Kai war movie, to list 10 idols they think could be queer or idols who have helped to break gender stereotypes, Jimin will be the only BTS member on that list.
It reminds me of how armys diagnosed jk as autistic and call him "babygirl" when he would never be the first Idol anyone would think of when they hear the term "babygirl", also how years ago armys and Taehyung stans swore Tae was "unique" because he acted "weird". Everyone wants their fave to be "not like the others", stans and their neverending quest to prove that idols are queer or autistic because they think it makes them unique or because they want to see themselves so bad in the idol even if that idol is anything but.
I think we are past the era when we think someone is gay because they post about gay media. Most BL fans are literally straight women. I'm attracted to women and I consume more straight and mlm media than wlw, it doesn't change my sexuality.
A lot of people think Jimin is queer for reasons that are deeper than these.
Until a few years ago when certain BTS members discovered what the fans wanted to see and what was accepted by their international fanbase, they would literally say the most insensitive things to Jimin about his masculinity, Tae included. That man discovered that fans eat these things up and he's not looked back ever since.
Like I'm not accusing anyone of anything but I just don't think Tae is as close as he is with those wooga squad men and then he's actually queer, or that he could even push anyone to self acceptance. That's like the ultimate "bro club", they are misogynistic and I've heard homophobic too (although I don't know how true that is, I think people just say they are because they give that vibe and I get it). If he's actually queer and oh so forward thinking then being friends with people like that isn't a sign of self acceptance at all in my opinion or maybe wooga squad members are good people in private lol.
I don't think anyone should be making a post to prove that Jimin supports the queer community because he's the last idol that needs that defense.
Jimin has been subjected to homophobi* and transphobi* for years because he's always been himself but of course Tae is more progressive simply because he watched a gay Netflix movie and posted about it on Instagram 😭
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Hi! I’ve been reading your stuff for a while and finally worked up the courage to ask: Are you,,, are you secretly Yana or something? Everything you write but specifically the analyses make so much sense and show such a good understanding of the characters that it’s starting to feel like the realization of those “how I would interact with my fan base if I ever became a famous writer” posts.
Jokes aside (unless?) I honestly don’t think I would still be playing Twisted Wonderland if it wasn’t for your blog. Level locked story is my biggest pet peeve for any video game and I nearly ditched midway through book 2 because of it. Your posts have kept me excited about the characters and the story and now I’m nearly done book 5 (stuck again by the level thing but oh well)
Really I just wanted to thank you for all the amazing writing you do
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Heya, hello, hi ^^ Thank you for gathering the courage to share your thought! I know that can feel awkward or overwhelming for some people, so I'm grateful to receive asks like this.
zvsksbjwgehCSfX I’m definitely not Yana, I’m just a casual fan 😂 unless…?/j I tend to hyperfixate and see creative writing and analysis as an outlet to think deeper about what we have + tide me over during the early stretches of TWST when new content and banners were not as consistent as they are now. If other people (like you!) enjoy that, then I’m glad!!
Gacha games like Twisted Wonderland take a lot of time and investment (with fairly repetitive gameplay), so it's normal and totally okay for people to feel bored or burnt out by it. I'm definitely also someone that wouldn't have been as involved as I am now if I hadn't found a community to get excited about TWST with me. It's nice to have people to bounce off of! I'm happy that I was able to be part of your own TWST journey. Again, thank you for your appreciation!! Wishing you good luck with book 5 and beyond~ 🍀
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restinslices · 2 days
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Ngl now I wanna read MK1 LKBS reacting to Twilight in headcanon bullet point format 😭
Pretend I put a joke here
Bi-Han
Bi-Han probably hates a lot of things 
Twilight is quickly added to his list 
You know how you can hate a movie, show, book, whatever but have a favorite character? That doesn't happen with Bi-Han
Fuck Bella, fuck Edward, fuck Jacob, fuck EVERYBODY 
The fact that he managed to finish the first movie is a miracle. He for damn sure ain't watching the rest and/or reading the books. You gon have to stab him 
“I'll divorce you if you don't” “I'll get the paperwork for you”
I don't think he'd like any parts of it. There's not a single redeemable thing in that movie 
The type to get mad at Bella and pause the movie to do a lap so he won't destroy the TV 
His main question is “why are y'all doing all this for a girl you hardly know?”
I legit don't think he'd enjoy any parts of it. MAYBE the soundtrack, and that's a big MAYBE 
So many things would bother him. Why is stalking romantic? Why are you risking your family's life for a girl you hardly know? Why is Edward not considered a pedo? How has he not met someone yet? Why is Jacob stuck on her?
There is nothing redeemable about Twilight to him. I think every minute for him is agony 
I don't think any of them like Twilight but I feel like he hates it the most 
In turmoil
Kuai Liang
He doesn't like it either but he tries to be nice and hide it 
He hides it poorly 
A very pained smile whenever you look over at him 
“You like it?” “Yes… 🙂” “Great! Let's watch New Moon!” “There's more?😧”
Does he watch the others? Possibly 
Will he read the books? No
I don't think he'd be fond of any of the main characters either
He’s not a fan of love triangles and he also just doesn’t like the characters
Favorite character? Maybe Angela 
She gets hardly any screentime so she can't do any wrong 
That soundtrack is nice tho-
I don't think he's in as much agony as Bi-Han, but I don't see him liking Twilight 
I'm not even sure he's even into romantic movies 
Do I think he's against romantic movies? No. Do I think it's his favorite genre? No. It could be like, top 5 or something 
This isn't me jumping on the Twilight hate train because I like Twilight in a sense, but I just don't see any of them genuinely enjoying it and being apart of the Team Jacob vs Team Edward debate 
He for sure ain't rewatching the movies 
His niceness is only going so far. At some point he gotta deliver the news to you 
Bella's lullaby is his shit now tho 
Tomas 
Supermassive Black Hole is a nice song 
So… he doesn't entirely hate it 
Like it though? Um… he likes that you like it
Unlike the other two, he'll read the books but he's only reading them because he's like “these movies gotta be popular for a reason. Maybe the books are better”
Does he finish? Probably not 
The love triangle ain't even balanced fr, so he's not really intrigued by that part
I can see him being into the supernatural stuff but I mean, it's not like it's super expounded on 
Is he Team Edward or Team Jacob? Neither 
Bi-Han hates everyone, Kuai Liang doesn't like love triangles, Tomas doesn't like Bella 
Playing both sides when it's convenient for you is something he's not fond of. Pick one and stay on that one 
Who’s his favorite character? He jumps from side characters 
The main characters are probably never his favorite. They're always doing something that makes him raise a brow 
I can possibly see this becoming a series he hates so much, he feels the need to rewatch it 
He spots plot holes and now he can no longer unsee them
He really does try to pick a team if you want him to but it's like “I know who she ends up with so what's the point?”
The point is to be part of the community Tomas 
“I thought you didn't like Twilight” “I need background noise” “...” “I need to feel something” “I get it”
Love hate relationship 
He just like me fr 
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shellxrls · 3 days
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okay someone asked but I can’t find the post, here’s my tips on shifting.
first of all, it’s all about belief, as long as you fully believe that you can do it then you can (this gets much easier when you’ve done it for the first time cause well, you know you can do it)
you don’t need a script or anything like that!! some people prefer it but it’s not a necessary thing! though for beginners I would recommend it because it just helps get ur thoughts in place!
always be safe when shifting!! make sure to have safe words in place!! but also know that it is not possible to get stuck in ur dr! safe words just make it easier.
use subliminals! but be careful with these, make sure to use ones you trust. some of them can have horrible messages or manifestations in them.
okay so I tend to use a method, you totally don’t have to tho. I just find it makes it easier for me.
I’ll share the method that I use because I’m not sure if I invented it or if it’s just uncommon. I thought of it anyway.
the tv show method
- get comfortable and calm. I recommend guided meditation to ground yourself!!
- put on your favourite tv show, and really concentrate on it for a while, make sure you’re fully invested in the plot and that it’s what’s taking up most of your mind.
if any other thoughts go through your head that’s fine!! just let them pass.
- when you feel ready, imagine that you’re watching the show in your dr
- visualise your dr, the things around you, the sounds. try to feel the feelings that you might be feeling. notice things.
- say affirmations if you would like to. or count to one hundred. Or just keep visualising.
- when you feel ready to shift, close your eyes
- concentrate on the sound of the tv show and say affirmations
- visualise and affirm until you feel that you’ve shifted
- open your eyes when you are certain you’re in your dr!!
good luck <3
- rafe shifter
ANON BABE THANK YOU SO MUCH. if i’m gonna be honest, all this talk of shifting is making me want to try again sooo badly. i’m so grateful that you guys are giving advice and stories as well bcuz it truly motivates me sm !! i might start creating a visual diary/moodboard for now and then when i get back from my spring break trip rlly try with the intent to shift. the tv method also sounds great so i might try that when i do intend to shift.
although i haven’t shifted yet, i’d love to give my take as well bcuz quite a few ppl have asked for advice, and i think it wld be nice just to have the perspective of someone who has been rlly into shifting, but hasn’t quite yet achieved it !!
try to do basic research initially just to get a proper framework of shifting and have enough knowledge to keep up with the main linguistic terms (e.g script, cr, dr, etc). i’m not sure what the best current resources available for that is, but i know amino used to be great for finding shifting communities, and i bet tumblr also has good resources. although don’t overload yourself, it’s good to get diff perspectives but remember shifting is largely a personal experience and so ultimately whatever you choose to do has to feel write for you. for example, as rafe shifter said not everyone has to have a script, although some do find it rlly helpful as a resource.
for new shifters, don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen immediately. i know a lot of ppl shift to get out of a bad situation/mental state, but i personally think a large part of the energy it takes to shift is mental, and so to achieve that you should try to take care of yourself and nurture your mental health as much as possible— the more you focus on caring for yourself and your mind, the stronger it’ll get and the easier it’ll be for you to shift <3.
now for my own experience, i personally used to use the pillow method and the raven method the most, although looking back i feel like they were limiting bcuz due to the sleepy sort of state i used to be in it wld make it difficult for me to truly visualise my dr. however, one method i’d highly recommend is the estelle method (i’ll explain it in a sec), it sounds kind of strange but honestly it was the closest i’d ever been to shifting and i truly never recovered r from that fraction of a second where i literally felt myself in my dr. i can still picture it to this day and its own of my biggest shifting motivators <3.
ok anyways, here is the estelle method explained:
Step 1: Get in position. You can lay stand/sit/lay you want as long as you're comfortable.
Step 2: Play a song. Preferably something you associate with your dr or something that lets you feel connected to it. While this song is playing you’re going to imagine slow dancing with someone from your desired reality. It can be anyone: your s/o (i recommend this one lol) best friend, enemy— anyone.
Step 3: Imagine. I recommend closing your eyes for this to truly be immersed. You don’t have to actually dance, but play out the whole scenario in your mind and rlly let your imagination loose, try to imagine the landscape and the scents, anything you can. When the song ends, imagine the person from your desired reality letting go of you and saying "Y/N, it's time to go home." After they say that, they should lead you through a ‘door’.
Step 4: Affirm. Once you are inside the door, you are going to do "I am" affirmations (I am shifting to my desk reality, I am in my desired reality, etc.) anything that’ll help cement your belief really.
Step 5: Finished. When your vision goes black, you can open your eyes. You should be in your desired reality.
i think it’s a very beginner friendly method, it’s great for visualising esp if you have a song that you strongly associate with your dr and you can even have fun with it bcuz i find it’s not as exhaustive as other methods !!
remember to be safe and take care of yourself darlings !! feel free to pop into my inbox with questions for me (or rafe shifter anon if she doesn’t mind) about shifting as well, i’d love if we could have a whole shellxrls shifting community lol.
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dyemelikeasunset · 8 hours
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Feeling a whole lot of emotions right now, but the good kind. I found Dom and Mor through a Tumblr poll about webcomics, and decided to read through it — as a gnc lesbian I loved seeing the characters and their relationship and your really cool artstyle. But when I got to one of your notes at the end of an instalment, where you wished everyone Eid Mubarak and said something like ‘we made it’, my heart felt like it stopped. Maybe it’s just because I’m not old enough to have moved out of my parent’s house and so never really had the chance to express myself without worrying about what my small town community will tell them, but… oh man, as you probably know, being Muslim and queer can be so isolating sometimes, since some people in both communities will think that those two parts of your identity contract themselves when they… don’t, of course. It makes me so indescribably happy to know that there is someone like me out there — who is celebrating Eid, has a wife, and creates beautiful art that showcases queer characters. I knew that logically there must be other queer Muslims out there, but I’d only ever heard of them in the context of them being imprisoned or shunned. It means so, so much to me that you chose to be open with all of this online, because it really makes me feel, in a way that not many other things can, that people like me do get to be happy, do get to be themselves… and it makes me believe that maybe one day I will have that too. Thank you, I guess, is what I’m trying to say, for showing me that I’m not alone. It really means a lot. Being open online can incite harassment, I def know, but thank you for choosing to do so. Of course you don’t do it for thanks, but it has really meant a lot to me, just to see someone else like me out there :). I hope that you’re having a blessed Ramadan and that you have a lovely Eid!
The reason I chose to be open about it online is pointedly because I have been in such a similar spot as you. When I was young, the isolation and existential loneliness was almost unbearable. Then as a young adult, most of the other queer Muslims I met were so entrenched in their own traumas that our bonds were mainly over our shared pain. As I've grown, I realized that yes, there comes a time to talk about being queer and muslim and how those things deserve a place in the world together, but more than that I want to be open, loud, and casual about who I am. So many other identities are allowed that normalcy-- I want to be that, and I can't bear to be quiet about it anymore
I'm happy my work and elements of my life were able to reach you. You're not alone-- and a casual, integrated, peaceful life as a queer muslim is absolutely possible. I hope you're able to find your version of that someday in the future
I hope the rest of Ramadan also treats you well!
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unloneliest · 2 days
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IIIIIIIIIII want to know about the complex machinations of the soul (and the web of reasons underpinning your story and symbolism choices)
WAH thank you i have like such a complex web of thoughts spinning in my head this week. i'm gonna put it under the cut but i've been thinking a lot about places imbued with enough magic that i'm considering them somewhat of characters? particularly the Forest vs castles in general, but as applied in specific to the castle that my oc silas had been the prince of specifically.
(silas is a part of the adult generation of my story? the story covers quite a span of time. the adult gen is introduced as 18-21 year olds & the story later follows their teen children as time passes; it doesn't stay in detail for the entire span of their lives. there's dull moments that aren't worth focusing a book on & the juxtaposition of generations is much more interesting to me. it'll be released nonlinearly)
point a is the Forest.
so like. the original inhabitants of this world are, to the humans and comparable hominids, giants, though they did not of course call themselves this. they were twice the size of humans and had unlimited magical power until the gods who made them got pissed they were using their unlimited magical power and took them out, creating humans and others in the process, & leaving a handful of diminished giants behind - they would now age to death/had limits to their magic/could not still have children.
and the Forest was beyond massive to them. the Forest in the valley is large enough that humans can live in the canopy, build homes on branches. giant magical forest. you get the deal.
but part of the deal of the Forest is that like - rather than fading out, most of the remaining giants consciously chose what to do when they were nearing their end, and used their still considerable magic to become a part of the trees. it was irreversible, and an end to their previous existence, but a way of preserving themselves as a collective and they're still able to communicate and have an impact with some highly magical humans. this is a very alive awake forest, and it's an alive awake forest that once experienced the world & time very similarly to the way that humans do.
my character rohsi escapes a shitty situation and finds out she does have magic powers and like. when gaining access to them also discovers that she's Chosen by the forest? for her this is a hereditary type of magical connection, and not one that the forest always activates - not everyone in rohsi's family has been forest chosen but it's easier for the forest to have a chosen person with certain attributes and those attributes are present in rohsi's family (but not only her family).
rohsi's mother, szadeh, was supposed to be chosen by the forest but a diety laid claim first; it left the forest with nobody to work with it and had ultimately catastrophic consequences for szadeh.
rohsi having uniquely strong magic/being connected to the forest has been true for probably close to a decade, but i haven't previously had the details of magical functioning to the level that i now do? ANYWAYS. even though "rohsi has weird magic and a forest connection" has been true i haven't previously gotten in to the like, ways the forest exists and is independently.
so what i've been thinking about is like - different people's magic works in different ways - some people are seers, some have a great talent for a particular craft, some have magic that most easily takes form as light, some are healers, some have natural resonance with different pieces of nature. and different deities have different domains of power. different natural features all have ambient magic of their own, too. but entities like the forest exist somewhere between all of these things, especially when they're enough of entities to have opinions about what's happening around them and can attempt to influence what's happening.
what's the nature of a forest, this Forest, and its magic?
communication/connection. i'm thinking about pando, i'm thinking about mycelial networks, i'm thinking about thee decay exists as an extant form of life post. and i'm thinking about how a community of people with shared interests and goals chose to become a forest together, and how that'd impact not just them but the plants they were in community with.
a lot of the abuse that rohsi experienced growing up was her being isolated from others; how is community and communication a strength? how does the functioning of the central group of characters resemble & deviate from the strengths of the Forest? how does rohsi's inclination to work well with the Forest impact the way that she does magic even when she is not working with the Forest specifically? etc etc.
also in this vein: how many people live in the forest now, and under what circumstances? is the forest as an entity representative of the coalition of allied resistances working against the monarchy on purpose? how does the relationship to the land that people who inhabit the forest - none of whom are supporters of the monarchy - differ from the relationship or lack of relationship people in other locations have and how is that reflected in/an extension of their politics? how did i not notice that i was doing this on purpose to this degree????
point b is the castle, possibly called north hold.
it's actually kind of just slightly north of the west edge of the valley but like. further north than that is mostly forest, so it doesn't get counted as a Further North that you could be in.
i have several inroads to thinking about this castle in conjunction with the Forest? i've been thinking a lot about the relationships that wakeful locations have to people in general, and the ways that members of the monarchy are alienated from meaningful relationship with the land despite ostensibly being rulers of it.
silas, of the adult generation, is the inheriting prince of the northern throne. there are three castles, three rulers, in the valley, but they function as one state overall. there have never been borders or edges or separate citizenships between the three seats of power - they're just the three corners of a single region, each "needing" their own local castle/monarch. i'm still working out the details on the structure of the government. a lot of it was invented when i was 13. by a dream.
but. the thing is. silas, as prince. he does think he's doing what's best for the people. he tries very hard to. it's not something he would turn his back on on a whim; he takes the duty very seriously. he is a prince but also a born leader. he's possessive and protective over the people who are his, both the unknown people he leads and the friends he loves. he's the younger of two sons. he's the only son remaining. he's haunted by the question of whether his brother would be handling things better than him.
there is no easily backed heir if something should happen to silas, if something first happened to his mother the queen & whoever it is she's married to [i have yet to fully develop. silas' parents/family dynamic but he's inheriting from his mother. no only men can rule in my universe. anyone can do anything forever, including gender transition. babes there's magic]. his heir until he weds and produces one is his cousin, but there's no guarantee there wouldn't be conflict over that, because there's others with similar levels of a blood claim on the throne.
things have been peaceful. silas was the spare and his mother can't have more children. there was no reason to expect it might be a problem, that there's only him.
it is a problem, that it's only him.
i can't get into the entire details of the circumstances because that'd just add. the entire plot of the actual first book. to this ramble. but silas' family is killed and his own life is in jeopardy. and he leaves. he runs off into the desert. and i've been rotating what it would take to make him do that, because he wouldn't do it just to save his own hide. it would take something very significant to convince him that it wasn't right/possible for him to stay and fight for the people by fighting for the throne.
part of the tragedy of silas is that it might have been possible for him to survive and win had he been able to connect with allies that truly supported him in the moments between when he finds out his family is dead & when he flees with jay. (jay is my best boy. who i talk the most about of my ocs. a guard/soldier/?? on the specifics who deserts and turns his back on his entire life when he's sent after silas to kill him because he knows that it's the wrong thing to do and would rather devote himself to silas' cause. listen to me. their relationship is everything to meeeeee but i'm getting off topic)
silas, when he returns to the castle/finds out his family is dead? he goes first to his mentor, norna. who is evil. i realized i love a fucked up mentor/mentee relationship after rewatching phantom of the opera at new years. i'm making her a sexy about it. it's better when villains are hot. she's in magic academia. she's butch. and she started going grey when she was like. twenty. and she knew his brother and he's been trusting her and the things she tells him are memories and she's a huge part of why he compares himself so much with his (much older) brother who died. and she's fully been manipulating him the entire time.
norna is sooo slay to me. i know she's done a lot of things wrong but she's hot about it.
ANYWAYS this is all just like, context around the idea that the castle, silas' castle home, it's a character too. oh i have to make a detour.
the biggest cities in this story, they're all built. well. let me take another step to the side.
in the valley, humans do not call themselves the people. they call themselves the people of the roads. because the giants used their magic to create roads that will never, not ever, need infrastructure upkeep, and that connect the most important central locations in the valley. if enough soil forms on top of one of the roads it might become buried and plants may grow in the soil above it, but literally nothing can damage them. the whole damn valley isn't full of roads, but the giant's roads between castles have seriously impacted the pattern of human dwellings & communities within the valley.
the connected locations each have their own "ruins"; highly magical structures abandoned by the giants, either when they went into the trees or before that during the great unmaking by the gods. so whatever castle it is silas grew up in, it either is a repurposed dwelling of the giants, or it incorporates one of those in the structures that have been built up around what the giants left behind.
the magic left behind by the giants behaves differently from a forest that was once people; it's aliveness is different but it was still created to be an active sort of thing. there was intention put into it.
what is the essence of a castle? a castle is meant to enclose, protect, enforce. a castle has strict delineations between what is inside and what isn't. a castle is stone and is of the earth. when danger threatens, the people in the communities around a castle come in to the castle for safety and protection until it's safe to return to their places outside of its walls. it serves and protects the people; or, it is at least supposed to do this.
if the castle's magic was created by the giants, it would not have stayed awake in their absence. and in the absence of all the giants, the humans and other hominids left the valley completely; it spent several centuries uninhabited. great magical catastrophe that altered plate tectonics and all that.
so the people who became the monarchs of the north when humans returned to the valley, well. originally they were the ones taking care of this abandoned castle/city, and making it a place people could live again. they're the ones who rediscovered the magical functioning of the castle, who established a connection and reciprocal relationship with the castle's magic. they woke it back up. they kept the connection alive and passing through the generations just like the crown did.
the valley wasn't originally intended to be a monarchy.
but like. what's the essence of a castle! what's the nature of its magic, the way the Forest's is communication? to protect and enclose. without active magical connection to people inhabiting it, it has no way of knowing there's anyone to protect. and that connection is something that has to go both ways.
norna is able to convince silas - if not completely, thoroughly enough that he starts closing himself off - that he's at fault for his family's deaths, and that his closest allies have been given cause to believe this too. his doubt and his withdrawal, his closing of himself off, that means - without realizing it - he's separating himself from the castle's magic. he mentally undefines himself as prince - not wholly, but enough. and the castle's magic going to sleep affirms that partial belief until it's whole. and that's why he turns his back on the throne. he believes it to have turned its back on him first.
but it didn't. it just didn't realize there was anything left to protect.
and when i think about the castle, about it alive, i think about it having a heart, some underground and physical representation of it having an essence. and i know that's influenced by a Number of things - the song of the lioness quartet's dominion jewel/book four climactic fight, the phantom of the opera final caverny bit, the so you want to be a wizard book with worlds each having something like a heart, probably barbie and the magic of pegasus' whole thing about keystones but i cannot remember enough about that to be sure - i just remember that there was something about the keystone of arches. definitely some fics i've read set in magical universes.
a castle with a heart, a stone radiating light, a light that goes dark when it sleeps; some kind of visual representation of the moment silas loses that connection.
something crucial, here: there's a post about what the individual unit of a bee is. i can't remember who it's by or find the damn thing but it was talking about how like, we're a part of our ecosystems? how if you're trying to define the singular unit of bee, that unit is hive. and how we're not separate from what's around us. and with my story like. that's how it is with magic. it's a deeply magical world, and though everyone's internal wellspring of magic is of variable size and not everyone has enough internal magics to use their personal magic to influence the world around them, anyone can use the magic that exists in the world around them to do magic, especially in collective group magics.
a barn raising is a type of magic. and the way that barn is rasied will include magical steps to minimize the risk of a fire. and the reason that it works is because it's a collective magic, dependent on ritual.
run of the mill academic magic users (read: anyone with any kind of training)? they may think of themselves as solo magical practitioners, but they're adherents of a school of thought. the group they are doing magic with is themself and the person who taught them how to do magic, or the many people; if they're using a spell or anything of that ilk, it's them and the person who created the spell.
high level academic magic users have learned about how all magic is collective and learned to do magic where they're in relationship with something in the world that has ambient magic: a fire, a flower.
without connection to the castle, and when explicitly disowned by a major teacher of his? silas' magic starts acting up, starts not working.
all of this has been like. developing in every direction at once for me, recently. it's not just one thing at a time. thinking about the castle having a heart means thinking about why it does, and how that exists as a coutnerpoint to the Forest, and that means thinking about rohsi's magic, and how rohsi skips straight to high level academic magic user methods because she grew up magicless and was already used to only doing collective magic & applies that principle to individual magic easily.
thinking about the conditions under which silas runs away with jay and how terrifying the disconnection from the castle must have been for both of them means thinking about what might wake that castle back up.
and nait is jay's son (& the son of two other adult gen characters who are jay's best friends/marital partners, riamin & ymalis; marriage conventions aren't 1:1 with our world). and jay never got to have a family with silas. silas never got to know nait. but they're still so fucking similar, in so many ways. of course it's nait who wakes the sleeping castle.
and that's knowledge he shares, because it's something he learned how to do from rohsi, rohsi with communicative connecting magic, rohsi with ties to the Forest. it's not something he ever has to carry alone.
jay more than anyone is the one who lost silas. he spends the rest of his life grieving. ym was the next closest to silas, and rohsi and nait are both so like silas it hurts. they're raising their son and then suddenly the kids he brought home with him, too, and there's echoes of silas everywhere even in their kids growing up in his absence.
and then nait's waking the castle.
and he's just a fucking kid!!! and jay and ym and riamin are so worried the pull of what's happening in the world is going to eat their son alive, because it killed silas. it killed silas but nait can't be killed and somehow that means it might be worse for him, though at first it seemed a blessing.
but anyways. thinking about whether the heart of the castle is conflated with sovereignty, that's currently on my plate. i need to stretch this web and explore the other key castles, too.
and i need to think about point c: the river, and how all of this applies to her.
because good lord, i think i finally have the right angle to approach the river with.
anyways. this is. a lot of words. it stretches in every direction at once and i tried not getting too far off topic with background information but like. i feel so fucking dialled in to enjoyable to write & include but also spot on symbolic representations of the underlying values of varying political groups in the story & the themes of the narrative in general????????? which i did NOT feel before yesterday when i started having most of the culminating brain waves on this stuff. holy Shit.
also um. thank you for asking me about this. ilu <3
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innitmarvellous · 2 days
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So I read some books about aro & ace identities recently, because while I am quite sure that I'm ace and probably even aroace, I'm still struggling a lot with the ramifications of this discovery about myself, even though I first noticed this about myself a few years ago.
That's why I tried to make myself feel better by reading these books in the hope that it might be helpful in any way...and that's also why I took some notes about things that always bugged me in some way, both while reading the books and before that. (I'm not done with the books, but I already noticed enough recurring issues for a whole post.)
First, I really would like to feel at least sort of good about it. It doesn't have to be pride, just some sense of it being alright. I know that's not a prerequisite, but I don't want to feel unhappy and uneasy all the time just because of my identity :/
And there are some things I like about it. For example, having found a name and explanation for whatever is going on with me was undoubtedly nice, and I like the fact that the community seems to be very open to people identifying as ace or aro no matter where they exactly are on the spectrum. Well, there are always the exclusionists, but that's technically the consensus and I like that.
Still, there is this unpleasant feeling that doesn't seem to go away. The fact that there is something I will never understand and never experience - despite desperately wanting to. I guess that is the problem if something just isn't there, and that's just so hard to accept. Like, other people also might struggle with their orientation, but at least they do have the option to find someone who feels the same and will enter a relationship with them - while this is entirely impossible for me. And I think that's where I struggle the most, honestly. Knowing that there is no way to get the thing I want with my logical mind, because my feelings won't allow me to - and thus people on the outside won't consider me as 'relationship material' in any form since I'm lacking something crucial. And yes, I entirely understand that this would make people avoid me when it comes to relationships. After all I could never give them the thing they would expect from a relationship and it would be unfair towards them if I entered a relationship while being unable to do so. But it really doesn't make it hurt any less, and it definitely doesn't make me feel good about myself. There is something missing about me, that's just an undeniable fact and it reduces my worth in the eyes of others. Is that fair? Maybe not - I can't say, as I can't see things from their perspective - but it just is how things are. But it is very, very hard to accept.
Oh, and there is another thing that keeps being mentioned: namely that relationships without sex or of course also even fully platonic relationships are possible. But honestly? That doesn't really comfort me at all :') Because...I wasn't even nice and attractive (in both a physical and personality sense) - and whatever else - enough for a "normal" relationship, so it feels downright illusory to tell myself that someone will accept me despite my "defects" (if that's what I'll call them in this context, since that would be an allo person's view in most cases, I assume) and agree to have whatever kind of deeper relationship with me. That sounds like such a nice dream, and yet that's all it is and will remain: a dream. It's simply impossible, and that just feels bad. Because I would want to have closer connections to people, but I can't. Idk, but that is a bit cruel, especially as it isn't exactly my fault because of a choice I made.
I also feel kind of uncomfortable identifying myself as queer or part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I'd like to, but idk, I fear I wouldn't really be welcome in most queer spaces since I used to think I was heterosexual before I came across the terms ace and aro. Also, I was never oppressed due to my identity and had technically no trouble to pass as more or less some kind of straight allo late bloomer, so idk... And well, I see why my constant talking about some fictional/celeb mancrush I've got might make people think that I'm a liar and just pretend to be aro or ace for attention or other reasons. In fact, the exact same thing happened to me when a guy fell in love with me and I was forced to tell him about probably being ace. He didn't believe it because "I was always crushing on anime guys" and basically accused me of deliberately leading him on and it wasn't pleasant :/ (But I can't help it...I mean, a celeb crush doesn't require me to act on anything! I just find a guy attractive in whatever shape or form and it makes me happy to have my silly little daydreams about him and whatever. But it doesn't necessarily mean I graphically dream of fucking him, despite what I might jokingly say.) Anyway, I think it would be useful if I could confidently use the term queer for myself because idk, it would make things easier. As in, I'm definitely not "normal" aka not the standard straight cis person I once believed to be, but yeah...I still doubt that I would be allowed to call myself queer. I'm too different to be considered normal and too normal to be considered queer, I guess. So I'm sure people wouldn't be too happy about me pushing into their communities. Falling between the chairs again :')
Maybe all of my doubts and all that stuff...it's not so surprising, though. I mean, I kind of assume that most people wouldn't be too happy at the prospect of lifelong solitude and loneliness, without any chance to form deeper bonds with other people. Or maybe it's just me, who knows. It definitely scares the hell out of me and I hate it so, so much. And well, that makes it so difficult to make peace with this annoying sexual/romantic orientation of mine. (I would change it if I could...but alas we all know that's impossible.) I don't know what I exactly expected, but I surely didn't sign up to a rather sad lonely life of unhappiness and yet that is exactly what I will get :/ Another thing that is very hard to accept, and I genuinely wonder how other people managed to deal with that... I know accepting it and facing that truth is the only possible way, but yeah...I still can't bring myself to feel good about this. I mean, I've been lonely for my entire life, so I don't know...maybe I just hoped this would change at some point in the future and finding out that this will never happen now is kind of soul-crushing, honestly.
Lastly, I know that this is mostly a lengthy and overly personal rant post, so maybe no one has even read until here. But if someone did and feels like commenting, then I would really appreciate that, because...I still don't really feel fully enlightened on how I'm supposed to feel now. Maybe talking to actual people would help, but who knows. Again, I'd appreciate it if anyone wants to share their thoughts (my DMs are also open btw), although I'm aware that a random Tumblr post probably isn't the best way to solve my problem. ^^
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