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erule · 3 years

Text

Sounds of Someday

Title: Sounds of Someday

Pairing: Dean x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 6700ish

Warnings: age gap (the reader is 21, while Dean is 26), mention of self-sabotage, mention of a mother abandoning her child, slight smut, angst, romance, friends to lovers, professor!Dean, plot twists, betrayal from a father figure, breakup, language, happy ending.

Summary: Dean and the reader have always been good friends, even since their fathers made them play together when they were kids. After loving Dean for six years, she thought she had forgotten about him, but when they see each other again at her house, she realizes that she’s still in love with him. But maybe even Dean seems to feel something for her this time. The problem? She’s about to graduate from uni and her father wants her to leave for London. What will she do? Will Dean be willing to let her go now that he has found her again?

A/N: Hello hello! This fic participates to Jen’s Make Me Cry Challenge. Thank you Jen for the opportunity and congrats again for your goal! I chose prompt #7, We were never friends, that you can find marked in bold inside the story. I had so much fun writing it! This story means so much to me, I really put my heart into it, so I hope you like it.

I suggest you to listen to Sounds of Someday by Radio Company (fic’s title comes from there), 21 by Gracie Abrams (the whole idea of the story comes from here) and Empty Spaceby James Arthur while reading, if you want.

If you wanna be tagged in my Dean Winchester fics, just let me know in my ask box! You can also find me on AO3 and Wattpad. Feedback is always appreciated by a writer! Enjoy!

Tags: @akshi8278 @jawritter

Story under the cut!

«So, it was all a lie, uh?» she asked, holding back the tears.

Dean clenched his jaw, shaking his head.

«No, of course not. It was all true and we were real, Y/N. It’s just that we can’t do this anymore.»

«You’re breaking up with me after you said you loved me, in a very emotionless way and I should believe that…? Listen Dean, I’m not buying it. Did my Dad forced you to do this?» she asked, coming closer to him. Dean swallowed, without looking at her. She said he wasn’t feeling anything, but she was wrong. He felt something. He felt his whole body burning up just because of her breath near him, but he coudn’t say it. «You can’t even look at me in the eye… You’re gonna regret it, Dean. You’re not coming back from this.»

«Good, because I don’t want to» he replied, with his best poker face. He really seemed cruel. He had to.

She bit her bottom lip.

«I hope you’re satisfied with this ending. I’m certainly not.»

«Endings are never easy. I’m sorry, kiddo.»

«I hate when you call me like that, now» she said, her throat dry as the desert. He used to call her like that when she was younger. It was like he cared about her, but making a distance between them at the same time. Dean looked at his bare feet, feeling so guilty. «You used to call me like that, when we were just friends.»

«But that’s the matter, Y/N: we were never friends» he said, trying to hurt her even more.

«Well, fuck you, Dean!» she yelled, angrily.

«I’m sorry, ba… Y/N.»

«Fuck you, Dean» she repeated, then she surpassed him to get to the door.

***

«Hey Y/N, come downstairs! The Winchesters are here!» said her father.

«I’m coming!»

That was the day of their ruin.

She hadn’t seen Dean in a year and now he looked stunning. He had always been handsome, but now, that guy, who had just turned twenty-six, seemed better than ever. He was breathtaking.

She sighed on the stairs, then she went downstairs to welcome Dean, his brother, Sam and his father, John. Her father, Jay, had always been a good friend of John, so Sam and Dean were always at her house to play when they were kids. Then, Dean was always coming around because he constantly asked her father what he had to do to become a teacher and now he had finally become a professor at her university. She was twenty-one and she was about to graduate. Jay wanted her to go to London to find a job, but she wasn’t sure about that, because her dream was heading to Chicago.

«Y/N, are you okay?» Jay asked her.

«Yes, of course! I was just thinking, sorry. Hi, everybody» she said, politely.

Dean immediately offered her his hand to shake.

«Hey, Y/N. You look really beautiful, tonight» he said. Y/N blushed and her father noticed that.

«Are you hitting on my daughter, Dean?» joked Jay.

«I always am» Dean replied, with a wink.

Everybody laughed at that, but Y/N doubted about his answer for a moment. Dean wasn’t someone who talked like that about any girl, not about her anyway, for sure. But that thought was erased instantly: he wasn’t interested in her. She wasn’t attractive, he said that some years before that day with a very simple sentence: “You’re like a sister to me. The little sister I never wanted”. Yeah, that pretty sure cancelled all of her thoughts.

After the dinner, she went to the garden to breathe some air. She sat down on the little swing they still had from her childhood, a cold beer in her hands and the eyes full of the stars she was looking at.

Later, she surprised Dean on the door, staring at her. He made her heart beat faster than ever, like the last time she saw him. That was bad, very bad. She had healed from her crush on him a long time ago, she hadn’t to fall for him all over again. It was just painful. Too much painful.

«Hi» he said, his voice even lower than she remembered.

«Hey» she said, offering him her beer. «You want some?»

«Why not?»

So, he sat on the other swing. They just seemed two children too grown up for that game.

«How’s uni goin’? I didn’t have the chance to see you after class. It was weird to see you there, even if I was just an assistant of your professor» he said. Y/N chuckled.

«It’s going well. I just need to pass my last exam and then I’ll be free!» she exclaimed, opening her arms as they were a bird’s wings. He laughed. «I think you were very serious, Winchester.»

«Was I?»

«Yes» she answered. Dean was looking at the beer, nodding. «You’re understimating yourself as always, aren’t you?»

«You know me better than anyone else» he said and then drank a sip from his beer.

“And even despite that, I loved you anyway”, she thought.

«You’ve worked so hard for that, Dean. Don’t let anyone take it away from you. You hear me?» she said, pointing a finger at him. Dean smiled.

«Yes’, m’am.»

«Good» she said, chuckling. «I’m your number one fan» she added, then she grabbed the beer from his hands to take another sip because being around him made her nervous, but drinking just made the situation worse. «In fact, I had a pretty bad crush on you when I was younger.»

Dean’s eyes seemed to turn dark, but maybe it was just a wrong impression.

«This is getting interesting» he said, with a grin.

«You didn’t notice it? No? Well, when I was in high school I was head over heels for you. I couldn’t think about anyone else, even if when I dated some other guy. They just… weren’t you.»

«Why didn’t you tell me?» he asked, watching her finishing the beer.

«Because you always took home some very pretty girls and I always thought that I wasn’t enough for you.»

«Who’s understimating herself, now?» Dean said and she laughed.

«Touché.»

Then, Dean took the bottle away from her hands, touching her fingers. He was warm, unlike the weather. She turned to look at Dean, while her arms were now freezing. His gaze was slowly coming down from her eyes to her lips. Her heart was racing in her chest, not letting her breathing properly. He had never looked at her like that. What had changed?

«Here, take my jacket» he said out of the blue, offering her it. «Your nose is red like Rudolph’s.»

She was about to get the jacket with trembling hands, when the voice of her father arrived from the door.

«Y/N! Dean! What are you doing there? Come inside!»

His jacked fell on the grass. Y/N stretched an arm in order to get it, but Dean’s hand was faster. He gave it to her, staring at her figure. She was about to burst into flames.

«Your hands were shaking. Why?» he asked and it was like he was closer to her, because she could feel his scent on herself, the smell of leather and mint.

«You just said that yourself: I’m cold» she lied.

«Or was it because I was too close to you?»

She raised her gaze in order to look at him. His eyes were dark like two black holes.

«Y/N!» Jay called. «Get inside! Now!»

Fortunately, that woke her up. She got up from the swing and came in the house. John and Sam were about to leave, that’s why they were saying goodbye to Jay.

«Is that Dean’s jacket?» Sam asked her, with a grin.

«Y-yes.»

«Hey, whatever you’re doing here, stop it» John said to Dean, when he came inside.

«I’m not doing anything. She was just cold» Dean said, with a shrug. She gave him an eloquent look. He didn’t know that they could play that game together.

Dean winked at her.

«You can keep the jacket, if you want.»

«Nah, I don’t need something to remind me of your cockiness» she said. Sam laughed. Dean nodded, admitting the defeat to himself. «But thanks, though. I was really freezing out there.»

«You’re such a liar, Y/N» Dean murmured at her ear, while she was returning his jacket to him.

«Alright, alright, stop it, kids» Jay said. «Dean, I’ll see you tomorrow at work. John, Sam, we’ll see each other another time. Drive safely.»

«Thank you, Jay» John said.

And then, they were gone. Y/N helped her father to clean up the kitchen, smelling a strange scent nearby her. He was unusually quiet, but she didn’t want to hear something about London or Dean again. She just wanted to go to bed, feeling pretty satisfied about that evening. She didn’t know why, but Jay seemed to understand it and in fact, he didn’t shoot any question.

She got to bed feeling the scent of Dean still on herself.

***

«We can’t study like this» Olivia said, putting the books aside. «What’s bothering you? London again?»

«Oh, believe me, I wish!»

«Is there something more important than London?»

«Well… do you remember that guy I liked back in high school?»

«Who? That idiot that made you feel like you weren’t enough?» Olivia asked and Y/N nodded. «You’re joking, right?»

«I saw him the other night and I think that he was hitting on me.»

«This can’t be real!» she shouted.

«Please, be quiet» Y/N begged her.

«What was his name? Daniel? Dave?»

«Dean.»

«Dean! Yeah, I remember what you told me about him. He was an ass.»

«Nah, he was just stupid. Now he’s not like that anymore» Y/N said, putting her chin on a hand. A part of her was still thinking about his beautiful green eyes and his hands touching hers.

«Hey! You have to pass this exam, remember?» Olivia said.

«Yes, right. Get back to study.»

Olivia agreed with a smile. She was reading the book again, legs crossed on Y/N’s bed, but Y/N couldn’t. Yeah, London was important, but on the other hand, Dean was her first love. She couldn’t think to leave without knowing if he was just playing with her or not. His eyes were insanely dark the other night, when he was looking at her. Was he just glad that another woman had a crush on him or did it mean something to him? And also, why now? She had so many thoughts in her mind. Then, she noticed that Olivia was staring at her. She was wondering was Y/N was thinking and when she got it, her eyes just popped out like she was a puppet.

«Oh, fuck Dean Winchester!»

Someone opened the door. Y/N almost fell from the bed when she saw who had done that. She prayed that he didn’t hear Olivia.

«Was that an insult or an invitation?» Dean asked, his shoulder lying on the door’s jamb. «I’d prefer the second one» he said with a wink in Y/N’s direction.

Of course, he had to hear that, she thought.

«What are you doing here, Dean?» Y/N asked.

«I was working with your Dad. He wanted me to ask you if you girls would like to take a break from studying and come downstairs» he answered. Olivia kept looking at him like he was the Devil, though. «Do we know each other?» Dean asked, but she shaked her head.

«Not really.»

«It’s definitely time to take a break!» Y/N exclaimed.

Olivia went downstairs, but Dean stopped Y/N from doing that. He closed the door behind himself, scaring her. Why would he do that? It was like they were in some cheap rom-com. That was getting worse.

«Look Y/N, I want to apologize about the other night» he said. Oh, she didn’t see it coming. «I’m not that kind of guy anymore and I just want you to know that. It’s just that… this job is everything I have ever wanted and I’m so scared of screwing things up, that it’s like I’m doing that on purpose because I think I don’t really deserve it, so I try in every way possible to screw up my life too to prove it. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I appreciate what you told me and for that, I promise I won’t use it your weaknesses against you.»

Y/N was overwhelmed by all of that. It seemed like Dean had really became a very mature version of himself and she was really glad he did. Unfortunately, it also made him even more likeable to her.

«Thanks, Dean» she said.

«No problem» he replied with a smile.

And that, that was the moment she knew she fell in love with him all over again. The very start of her downfall.

Two weeks later, she had successfully passed her exam. It was snowing, so she decided to go to a pub near the university with her friends to celebrate. It was Friday night, after all. Olivia came with a gift from her, since she was heading to London and it was a new coat.

«It’s red, but don’t be naive like Little Red Riding Hood» she said, but Y/N didn’t understand what she meant until she didn’t see someone entering from the door. Someone who noticed her and that now was approaching their table.

«Hi! How did your exam go?» Dean asked. Olivia rolled her eyes.

«Well, I just passed it, so I’d say not bad» Y/N answered, happily.

«I knew it! Come here» he said, before he could give her a proper hug. Every inch of her body just burned up.

«Thanks, Dean» she said with a soft smile. She’d have sweared she saw Dean’s eyes shine.

«I’ll leave you to your friends» he said.

She looked at Olivia, who was already shaking her head, but she wanted him to stay really bad, so in the end, after she bit her bottom lip, she called him.

«Dean! Hey, if you’re not busy with your friends, maybe you could… you know… stay.»

Dean smiled and he felt her heart doing a flip.

«Unfortunately I’m here with other professors, but I’ll come around later, is that okay?»

She nodded.

«Yes» she said, lying to him.

Then, the hours passed very quickly. She spent the evening laughing and joking with her friends, but she couldn’t deny that she often glanced at Dean. The thought of being there wih him but far away, killed her from within. It was as if a rib was missing from her body, a limb of her skin that now belonged to him. It belonged to him since she was fifteen, actually.

The pub was about to close. Oliva was very drunk, so she got home with a friend, while the others went away. Maybe it was a dumb idea, but she stayed because of Dean’s promise. Ten minutes later, while she was sitting at the table all alone, someone offered her a beer.

«Hey, I’m here finally» Dean said, taking a seat in front of her.

«Hi» she replied with a tired smile.

Dean wetted his lips before talking.

«I saw your friends leaving and I was wondering… why did you stay here, all alone?» he asked.

Her heart started racing faster and faster in her chest. Did she want him so bad to ruin everything between them? Dean was someone who noticed things so he probably did understand the situation very well. Also, his bad jokes that night at her’s still made her think that maybe he liked her too. Maybe not as much as her, but it was still something. But was it right to settle with someone who didn’t want her completely? Because she wanted Dean in every aspect a human being could be wanted.

«Where’s the catch? Because you said that you didn’t want to use my feelings against me» she said.

Dean clenched his jaw, looking at his hands crossed on the table. He still had the silver ring of his mother. Then, he slowly looked at her, raising his eyelids, so seriously she could swear it was maybe the first time she saw him that way.

«No catch. I just wanna know. You’re free to tell me a lie and I’ll believe it. But please, if you stayed here because you were waiting for me, I’d really love to hear it.»

Her throat was dry.

«Why?»

«Because no one ever did something like this for me. And I know that it probably seem stupid, but it shows me that you care» he answered, with a soft smile on his lips. «So, I’m gonna ask you for the last time, before they kick us out, why did you stay here?»

She swallowed, looking straight into his eyes. They were incredibly green. Constellations of flowers. It was now or never. Her voice was like a winter’s breath, when she spoke.

«For you.»

Then, she couldn’t remember how they arrived to Dean’s apartment, but she remembered very well how his clothes fell on the floor or the way he delicately throw her dress off of her. It was all slowed like in a movie. It almost seemed a dream to her.

«I’m not doing this, if you don’t want me to» Dean said, his thumb brushing her lips.

«I want you, Dean. I’ve always wanted you. Always» Y/N said and then, Dean kissed her so hard, they crumbled on the bed.

She felt the coldness of his ring on her back, while his fingertips were caressing it. Their lips found each other and a spark was born, fuse of the Apocalypse. She felt like collapsing, cut into two parts, completely folded as a blooming flower.

He completed them. Every single empty space. He filled them all.

«Could you repeat it, please? Always.»

She smiled on his lips.

«Always» she whispered, between the kisses. «Always.»

And she kept repeating it all night.

***

She looked at him like he wasn’t supposed to be there, but she was glad he was. It was her graduation day. They’ve been together for three months, without their fathers knowing it, but Sam and Olivia were well aware of that. Never in a million years she would have thought to see that day. To actually see Dean there, standing between her father and Sam, clapping at her with a smile so bright on his face, she could swear it could cure every disease. It was so pure, but mostly, happy and it was all for her. She held back the tears, but it was, without a doubt, the most important day of her life. The most beautiful one. Maybe having faith did help at something.

She got back to Jay, who hugged her tight and said something like My baby has graduated now in a very proud tone of voice. She also hugged John and Sam, before she could finally look at Dean.

«You did it» he said.

«I did it» she repeated, blushing, even if she didn’t know why. He had that influence on her.

«I knew you would have made it» he said and then, he did something she wouldn’t thought he would have done. He kissed her.

It was like her whole world fell apart. He cupped her cheeks and gave her a gentle kiss on her lips. She felt her whole chest burning because of that, her skin collapsing between his hands.

When they parted, she saw the light in his eyes and bit her bottom lip. It was an authentic moment of pure joy. The emotion in his gaze was real. He was real. It was like the universe had accepted every desire she wished for, every year for six years. He meant it. And he was there to see her succeed.

Thank you, her lips mimed.

But his answer surprised her once again: I love you.

She didn’t even have the time to elaborate his words, that her father spoke: «What just happened?»

She felt it. That was the moment he was about to tear Dean away from her. The moment she didn’t want to come. The moment everything fell apart like a castle made of sand. She felt the coldness in her bones, like a warning.

«Jay, please…» John tried to say, but Jay stopped him with the sign of his hand.

«You’re not getting away with this, Dean» Jay said and Dean just shrugged, like it was normal to him.

«I don’t understand, Jay. Did I offend you in any way?» he asked, calmly.

«We’ll talk later.»

And then, she understood. He kissed her on purpose becase it was a public place, so Jay couldn’t say anything because of his reputation, but now he knew about them. Clever, very clever.

After the ceremony, Dean took her hand and they just hid behind the stage. He kissed her, his hands everywhere and nowhere along her dress, that ascended her legs, her stomach, her waist.

«You think you’re smart, Winchester?» she asked, while he was sucking the skin of her neck.

«I think I’m utterly smart, as a matter of fact» he said, looking at her with messy hair and dark eyes.

God, he was so beautiful in that moment.

She laughed. A laugh so clear and free that made Dean smile like a child. It was so unreal.

«He’s gonna kill you, you know that?»

«I already spent three months of Heaven with you, who cares?»

«Heaven? Damn, I have to be a wild fire in bed.»

«Oh, trust me baby, you are» he said and she laughed again.

«Come on now, Sam and your friends are waiting for us. We’re gonna get so drunk tonight, you’re not gonna even remember your own name!» he said with an excited voice, kissing her hand.

«But I’ll certainly still remember you» she replied, with two images of Dean in her eyes like two comets. He gave her a delicate kiss on her lips.

«You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, Y/N.»

The next day, Dean got up in a strange room. He wasn’t in his apartment for sure. It looked very different. He looked at his watch: 11 AM. What did he do last night? And then, when he turned, he saw the answer: the girl of his dreams was sleeping next to him. He caressed her hair, left a kiss on her temple and then put on his clothes.

When he got downstairs, he immediately met her father in the kitchen. He saw Dean while he was drinking a cup of coffee.

«’Morning, Jay» he said.

Jay groaned in his direction. He was surely still angry at him. He wanted to talk to him, but he had a terrible headache due to the hungover, so he wasn’t at his best. He sat down at the table, thinking about his next move, when Jay gave him a cup of coffee and an Aspirine.

«I talk, you take this» he started. «Look Dean, we’ve been knowing for years by now and we’re also colleagues, so I think I can say that I know you pretty well. You’re a very good guy, but you’re also a hard person to love. You’re scared of being left behind and for that, I suggest you to use this fear of yours to break up with my daughter.»

Dean almost spilled his tea on Jay.

«What?»

«You heard me. You’re gonna hurt her sooner or later, I know what you do. You think you can take advantage of her, just because she’s been in love with you since she was fifteen?» he asked. Dean looked confused: how did he find that out? Did Y/N tell him? «I’m a single father of a girl, Dean. I had to learn a lot of things. I noticed the way he looked at you. Hell, she still looks at you like that!» he exclaimed. Dean felt flattered about that, but he was still scared of what Jay just said. «I want you to break up with her. Just what you usually do, I think you’re pretty good at that by now.»

And that hurt. Jay was like a second father to him, a friend in some way, a role model and now he was just destroying their relationship. It was too much to handle.

«Jay, I know you’re just trying to protect her, but we’re adults now and…»

«She’s only twenty-one, Dean! She doesn’t even know what life is. She had to understand that hard work pays, that’s why she has to go to London. Life’s not a fairy tale.»

«I get it, but why London? I mean, she could look for some job here or…» Dean tried to argue, but Jay’s glance explained it all to him. And it was heartbreaking. «London was her best chance to forget me, wasn’t it? Your plan has always been this: sending her as far away as possible from me. You helped me to get the job at your university so you could make sure that I couldn’t leave it to follow her» he said. His back slipped along the chair, his throat dry. «You never admired me. It was all a lie.»

«No Dean, don’t get me wrong: I’ve always put my faith on you, because I knew that you were capable of doing great things, but you’re not the perfect fit for my daughter. It’s just as simple as that.»

«You came up with a fucking plan to take her away from me and now you’re even playing the martyr here?» Dean shouted, getting up from the seat. «You’re a monster, Jay. You don’t love your daughter, if you don’t let her decide what she wants from life. And for the record, I’ve changed. I’m not that fuckboy anymore. But maybe you were too busy thinking about your stupid plan to realize that» Dean said and then he got out from the house.

He was furious with Jay. He had always put nothing but trust in that man, confessing him every fear, every thought, every memory and now he just betrayed him like that. He wanted to punch a wall so bad, in that moment. But the worst thing he couldn’t believe he was thinking was that despite all of that, Jay knew that he would have done that.

And he knew that too.

He had avoided her for two days. Olivia had already told her that he was back to his old habits, but she didn’t believe it. Dean had grown. He was not the same guy of some years ago, he was trustworthy and reliable now. A lot people just kept seeing him as someone who wasn’t serious just because that was they wanted to see.

Then, he called.

«Y/N?»

«Hey, Dean.»

«Can we meet, please? I have to tell you something.»

She swallowed.

«Yes, of course. Where?»

«At mine’s. Twenty minutes.»

«Okay. Dean, are you alright?»

«See you later, Y/N.»

He was definitely not fine.

Anyway, she got there twenty minutes later. He opened the door, never even glanced at her and made her enter. He looked terrible, like he didn’t sleep at all for two days. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked very pale. He had some grey sweatpants on and a white t-shirt. It was like turning back time and seeing him when he was studying for the last year of high school. He seemed so lost back then and he seemed so lost now too. It was heartbreaking.

«Dean?»

«Y/N, this could be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do» he began, running a hand through his hair.

«If that’s because I didn’t say it back, you don’t have to…»

«What?» he asked. He seemed so confused. «No, it’s not that.»

«Then what happened, Dean?» she asked, getting closer to him, but he made a step back.

«Please, don’t. Just… don’t» he said. It was like a weight was expanding in his chest. «Y/N, we have to break up» he said, raising his eyelids to look at her in a way that had always made her heart do a flip. But now, it was just tragically painful.

«What? Why?»

«Because you’re going to London now and I don’t do long-distance relationships.»

She made a noise of disbelief.

«You’re joking, right? Please, tell me that you’re joking. This is so stupid.»

«Look, I’ve been abandonded by my Mom when I was a child and you know that. I just don’t want you to leave me too. And London it’s your best chance for a brighter future.»

«You’re what, Freud, now?» she asked, incredulous. It was all ridiculous.

«Just respect my decision, okay? You’ll find someone better than me, I promise» he said, but he could barely look at her while he was doing that. It costed him an enormous amount of strength to say those words.

She sighed, defeated within her bones.

«So, it was all a lie, uh?» she asked, holding back the tears.

Dean clenched his jaw, shaking his head.

«No, of course not. It was all true and we were real, Y/N. It’s just that we can’t do this anymore.»

«Good, because I don’t want to» he replied, with his best poker face. He really seemed cruel. He had to.

She bit her bottom lip.

«I hope you’re satisfied with this ending. I’m certainly not.»

«Endings are never easy. I’m sorry, kiddo.»

«But that’s the matter, Y/N: we were never friends» he said, trying to hurt her even more.

«Well, fuck you, Dean!» she yelled, angrily.

«I’m sorry, ba… Y/N.»

«Fuck you, Dean» she repeated, then she surpassed him to get to the door, but she stopped halfway through it. She bit her bottom lip, then she turned to look at him, who was confused. «You know what, Dean? Fuck you, because you think I don’t know. I heard you shouting the other day, I can only imagine what my father said to you» she said. Dean’s eyes grew wide at that realization. It hit him right in the ribs. «You’ve always understimated yourself, but I did too. Now I know that we were wrong. I remember when you brought me home one night, after the school’s dance. I looked at your face, half soaked in light and you know, you had these crystal green eyes that made me think about a lighthouse, because it helps ships come back to the shore and I thought... I thought they could bring me back home. You’ve always been my home» she said, with tears in her eyes.

Dean felt a lump in his throat, that maybe him unable to talk.

«Please, don’t do this» he begged her.

«Look Dean, I’ve been in love with you for six years now. I blamed it on the alcohol, but since we’re two adults, let’s be honest here: I wanted to say it to you. I wanted you to know that. I hid that for a long time, I was capable of keep going with it, but I didn’t. But since I’m an adult, I also know that life’s not a fairy tale, so when it seemed that you liked me too, I just took the chance. It could have lasted a day or a year, I just wanted that. You. Us. I wanted all of it. I fell in love with you every fucking day for the past six years and despite your bad behaviour sometimes, I still loved you. Or maybe I did because of that, I don’t know. So please, respect my heart and tell me right now, right now Dean, if you’ve ever felt something for me, because I think you owe me this, at least. It’s alright even if you didn’t, but tell me the truth. I think that after everything we’ve been trough, I deserve it. I’m asking you for just one thing.»

Dean looked like he was about to fall apart. His eyes were glossy and red at the corners.

«Repeat the question, please.»

It reminded her of the night at the pub. She nodded, swallowing.

«Did you feel something for me?»

And then, Dean answered something she couldn’t see it coming in six years.

«I did» he said. And then, with his eyes full of tears, he added: «I do.»

She let slip a sob out of her throat.

«Then why are you doing this? Don’t listen to my father and stay with me» she said, caressing his cheek. Dean closed his eyes, leaning into her touch.

«Because I think you should go to London anyway. It’s your best chance. I dont deserve you. I never did. It was just a pretty good fantasy I wanted to believe in.»

She took a step back. His cheek suddenly seemed too cold.

«This is not about you Dean, it’s about me! It’s about the fact that I want you and trust me, besides the graduation, I’ve never wanted anything so bad in my entire life like I want you right now» she said. That word had always been a very strong word for her and now Dean did too. «You were the love of my life when I was young. You still are» she whispered, right before her voice cracked up.

Dean sighed, defeated into his bones.

«I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t know what else to say.»

And then, she walked away. Dean closed his eyes, feeling like he couldn’t breathe. He had to let her go. She had to go to London, to go away from there. She wasn’t supposed to stay. He just had to accept that. Her father was right: she deserved the world and he was just stopping her from having it.

But she was right about one thing: he was gonna regret it. For the rest of his life.

***

«Are you ready for London?» Olivia asked on FaceTime, smiling. She shrugged. «Y/N, please, stop thinking about Dean. He just made you waste plenty of time. You’re gonna forget about him, you’ll see.»

«Just be honest, Olivia: you never liked him» she said, annoyed.

Olivia sighed.

«I liked him, Y/N. » she confessed, surprisingly. «That’s why I wanted you to never have something with him. Because I knew that he would have anchored you here and you don’t belong to Lebanon. You have the skills to do anything you want. Don’t make a man or anybody, stop you.»

«You knew he liked me?»

«I knew he was head over heels for you the moment he leaned an eye on you the first time I’ve met him» Olivia said.

She held back the tears.

«Thanks, Olivia.»

«You’re welcome. Now pack your things. Tomorrow’s almost here!»

But is that a good day without Dean by her side?

She had just left. He saw her going to the airport on a Taxi. The last time he had seen her had been awful, but this one? This was way worse. Because he didn’t get to actually see her. He just knew it was her in that car, slipping away from his fingers.

«Dean?» Jay called, on the threshold of the door.

«I’m here to talk to you» Dean said, firmly.

Jay let him in, wondering what he could possibily wanted now. He seemed so sure of himself, like he had never been. Maybe he really grew up, somehow. And he didn’t even notice.

«What do you want from me, Dean?»

«You know, I never really got the chance to thank you, Jay. I mean, you helped me get into college, become a professor, make me a father when John wasn’t there… I’m really grateful for that. And you know, I broke up with your daughter as you asked me to, even if I hated every second of what I did. But didn’t give me a chance to explain myself or maybe I just wouldn’t take it, because I was too busy thinking that I wasn’t enough. I did it for almost all of my life, you know that and you never told me that it was bullshit. You know who did? Your daughter» Dean said. Jay clenched his jaw. «So, since I’ve figured out I’m better than the fuckboy you get to know, thanks to her too, I just want to say to you that I’m in love with her and I would have done anything to make her happy, anything» Dean said, with a lump in his throat. It took him a lot to actually say those words out loud. But he was glad he finally did. «She’s the only one. She’s the one for me, Jay. I love her and even if I’m terrified about this, I want to be with her. I just want to be around her until I can and until she’ll let me to. Please, don’t take this away from me. Please» he begged him.

Jay put a hand on his shoulder, nodding.

«I appreciate your words son, I really do, but I can’t let you stop her. I’m sorry.»

Dean took a step back, disappointed.

«No, you’re not.» Dean said, with disgust in his voice. «You know what? Screw you, Jay. I’m gonna get her back and I’m gonna follow her to London. I won’t spend another day without her. We already lost too many of them.»

And with that, he was already in his Impala to get to her. He arrived at the airport and began to look for her the second he took a foot inside. But since life’s not a fairy tale, when he found her gate, it was already too late.

She was gone.

He got back at his apartment, sighing. He had lost her forever and the worst part of that was that he had done that to himself. He opened the door and felt empty.

«Dean» someone whispered his name in a soft tone.

He turned to look at Y/N behind him, who was getting up from the stairs.

«Y/N? What are you doing here?»

«I didn’t leave. Can I come in, please?»

He nodded.

«Sure.»

She entered.

«A good friend told me that I was capable of doing anything I wanted and I thought that letting my Dad decide about my future was not what I wanted. That’s why I got back» she explained. «But I don’t want you to stop me either. So I’m just here to tell you that I’ll move to Chicago, so I can use my degree properly» she said. Dean lacked of words. «That’s it? I mean, I didn’t think you could say something like I’ll come with you, sweetheart, but maybe…»

«I was at the airport» he finally said.

«What?» she asked, confused.

«Your father didn’t give me the permission to go after you, but I did it anyway. I was ready to go to London with you» he confessed, clenching his jaw.

«Really?»

«Yes» he said and he was about to fall into pieces for saying that. «Chicago sounds alright too. I don’t really care.»

«But your job… and you hate flying!» she exclaimed.

«I’d hate to spend the rest of my life without you, sweetheart» he said, caressing her shoulders with a smile. «Is it a better answer than the one you expected?»

She nodded, a lump in her throat.

«It’s the best answer you could ever give to me» she said, before he kissed her.

#dean winchester imagine #dean winchester ff #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fanfic #jensmakemecrychallenge #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #jensen ackles x reader #dean winchester smut #erule's masterlist

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rezdogsyonder · 4 years

Text

Similar circumstances

I’ve stolen a prompt from @mcudarklibrary, here is the list here. All credit goes to them, and this was in no way my idea, but I did want to write using these prompts. No one notices the reader missing from the party + Reader has to stay quiet in the library.

Also I put two dresses, so you can visualise the look I’m going for and length I have in mind, I don’t mention any colors or any specific size of woman. (Besides height) But I think a dark colored dress is best suited yenno?

Pairing: Loki x Tall!Reader

Summary: There is a new member in the Avengers, everyone seems to hate him but maybe you will like him as much as he likes you.

Warnings: Dark!Loki, non/dub-con(more dub than non but she did explicitly say no), unprotected sex, superserum!reader, Loki using his powers, choking, manipulation? (It feels like manipulation to me, like guilt tripping), double penetration, oral male and female receiving, mentions a cockwarming

**********

“Are you ready yet?” Nat asked from the your bed.

“Just another coat of mascara.” Holding your mouth open while you brush your eyelashes. A weird habit that everyone seemed to have. Taking a step back to look at yourself you’re pleased with what you see.

Your dress fitting you well, your make up being so close to perfect you wonder how you managed to do it. Bold lips, and some eyeshadow to make your eyes pop, tying your entire look together.

“Let’s go, we’re getting close to fashionably late.” She stood up after finishing strapping her heals. Even with her stilettos she wasn’t even up to your shoulder, she might have if you hadn’t worn heels as well. You like heels and you aren’t going to cater to any men to make them feel comfortable.

The only exception would be Tony or Bruce, but they are mature and secure with themselves so they would never ask anyways.

Tony’s party tonight is to celebrate the welcoming of a new Avenger. He’s not particularly fond of the new addition, but he is always looking for a reason to have a “small” gathering.

You don’t know about him yet, but you know you want to form your own opinion about him. It wasn’t his fault, he was being controlled by Thanos, manipulated by the fact that he felt unwelcome in his own family. Asgardian technology or magic or whatever showed evidence of mind control. But being raised to believe he’s a monster didn’t help anything either. Your heart went out to him. He didn’t even seem to feel comfortable in his true form.

Hoping you’ll get a chance to talk to him tonight, you pull yourself out of your thoughts. Time to focus on the party, you and Steve will most likely be the ones dragging everyone back to their rooms when they’re too drunk to walk.

Getting into the elevator, you ask Friday to take you to the top floor. It was a short ride and when the doors opened it revealed a green and gold color scheme.

“Well the party is for Loki, but don’t you think they went a little overboard?” She mumbled over to you.

“Huh, yeah maybe a little bit.” You smiled and held your finger and thumb mm’s apart. “Just a smidge.”

Natasha grabbed your arm and wrapped it in hers, “Lets get some drinks, come on, I’ll make you one that I know you’ll like.” Weaving through the large crowd.

**********

I saw you walk in, I’ve seen you many times before as well. Not allowed to talk to you or the other members of the team outside of Thor or Stark. I’ve seen you covered in blood, in sweatpants with sleep still in your eyes, but I haven’t seen you like this before. You were breath-taking.

I had hidden my fondness with you so far, but with everyone else’s unwillingness to talk to me, I’ve decided not to approach you first, hoping you would come to me. I don’t want to feel your rejection, which would most definitely happen if I just walk up to you.

Besides, the red head you were with would most definitely verbally rip my throat out if I got anywhere near. Thor brought Asgardian mead the last time he went through the bifrost, and plenty of it.

Sipping on my ale, I try to gain the courage I need to be able to just be here. Even if you only say my name in disgust it will be enough because I know that one day, you will be saying it with adoration.

Just as the way I have always said your name.

**********

“Nat I don’t know why you waste the alcohol on me, it’s not like I can get drunk.”

“This,” she held up a glass bottle that looks to be an antique, “is no regular alcohol. Now quit complaining and try... this.” She finished pouring a pink fruity smelling liquid and pushed the glass your way.

You bring the glass up to your lips and it tasted like a very sweet berry lemonade. You doubted this had any alcohol in it. It tasted just like juice, and you can’t smell anything bad about it.

“Are you trying to trick me or something,” you smiled, teasing her and held out your hand, “can I see the bottle?”

She handed it over with a smirk, and you smelt it, and god it is the worst thing you have ever smelt. Rotting honey and yeast, or maybe it’s more like apple cider vinegar. You quickly hand it back, coughing a little as if it’ll get that rancid smell out of your nose.

“What is that?” You’re about to gag, so you take a drink of the lemonade.

“Asgardian Mead. Who knew even literal gods like to party?” She laughed a little looking at the bottle with wonder before setting it back down underneath the counter. “So what do you think?” She gestured to your cup.

“You actually put that in there? You can’t even tell, how?” You’re drinking it again, genuinely wondering how she did it because she’s an absolute miracle worker.

“Strawberry banana purée, miracle whip, berry inclusions, vanilla extract, and a lemonade that had a lot of sugar. Like enough to make it into a syrup.”

“I can’t even taste banana! You’re magic I swear, can you show me?” You chugged the last of it and got behind the bar with her. You don’t want to bother her for more drinks later tonight because you know that you will want many more.

She shows you through the steps and still are in disbelief when you see the mead being poured in, she used more than you thought she would. Meaning that it is stronger than you gave credit for.

You start feeling a bit tipsy as she finishes it up, “Thank you so much, you are honestly the best.”

“No problem, but you should be thanking Thor, he brought it.” She pointed behind you with a flip of her hair she was walking towards Bruce who was talking to Clint at the other end of the bar.

You look in the direction she gave and through the large crowd you see him in the back corner, surrounded by Steve, Bucky, Sam, and Loki. The man of the hour. Might as well congratulate him while you’re over there.

Hopefully you won’t make a fool of yourself.

**********

“Heyy.” Drawing out the word way longer than it needs to, you go to sit in the space between Loki and Thor. Plopping down in an uncoordinated fashion, but careful not to spill your drink.

“Lady Y/N, how wonderful it is for you to join us. Tell us, are you enjoying tonight’s festivities?” He is his usual joyful self as he brings his arm around your shoulder pulling you close.

“Yes actually, thank you for bringing the drinks, I really appreciate it.”

“Ah, it is nothing. I have heard of your problems with the earthly ale, and I thought I could be of service. To the captain and soldier as well!” He raised his cup, to which you cheered.

“Actually what is mead? ‘Cause I smelt some of it and jesus it smells so bad.”

“It is honey, water, and sugar, fermented for hundreds of years, sometimes thousands. I believe it is a 100 percent alcohol by volume in Midgard terms. The magical properties however make it stronger.” Loki answered the question, after seeing Thor’s unknowing expression. You turn to him, not realizing how close you were sitting to the two of them. You shift in your seat to face him a little better.

“Whoa... what is the regular alcohol by volume percent?” You take another drink, his eyes trained on you.

“10-12 percent for the average wine.”

“How is it that you’re not even from here, but you know more about the alcohol here than me?” You teased, your feeling more comfortable with the liquid courage running through you.

He gave a small smile, “I just enjoy reading.”

“Well, mister bookworm, congratulations on becoming an avenger. I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.” You held your hand out for a handshake.

“Ah yes of course, I am Loki Laufeyson, son of Odin and Freya.” He grabbed your fingers, twisting your hand so he may kiss your knuckles. His hand and lips were cold, and you feel a burn in your cheeks. Was he making you blush?

“Y/N L/N,” You said breathlessly.

“Y/N. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Your face felt on fire as you couldn’t suppress a small giggle. He smiled once more, rubbing his thumb over you fingers before letting it rest on your thigh.

“So what were you guys talking about?” You scooch into your seat a little more, the action bringing you closer to the man on your right. Which did not go unnoticed by Loki.

He couldn’t focus on anything but you, the conversation going on without him. Not that he minded. It was unbelievable that you’re were acting this way to him. Had you truly seen through his past transgressions?

**********

The rest of the night you spent talking to the group and sneaking glimpses of Loki. He has been awfully quiet, seeming to prefer listening over talking.

“Hey, are you not enjoying the party?” You half whispered over to him. Unable to fully be quiet.

“I am enjoying your company, and that is enough.”

“You said you like books right?” You reach past him to set your now empty glass on the table behind him, making you face to face, noses almost touching.

“I believe I have said that,” he nodded and licked his lips.

“Meet me at the elevator in 5 minutes?” You sat back, hand on his thigh ready to stand up.

“Of course, but the party?”

“It’s not like anybody will notice I’m gone, and I’ve got something to show you.” You stood up and made your way to the bar once more to make yourself a drink to take with you. Using a tall glass this time.

**********

You had your drink and you were walking to the elevator trying to seem as inconspicuous as possible. Probably failing at that since you were a little past tipsy but not quite drunk. It’s a wonder how you are still walking in heels.

Mission completed, you were at the elevator and nobody stopped you and nobody too close noticed you were leaving. With the guest of honor too.

“How punctual,” you tease once you’re in the elevator, you push the button for floor 84. 9 floors below the two of you.

“I would hate to keep a lady waiting. Now where are we going, might I ask?” You look at him and realize just how handsome he is, his black suit fitting him well, really well, and he is also a little bit taller than you with your heels.

“It’s a surprise, you’ll just have to wait and see.” You smiled, feeling butterflies in your stomach. You’re actually feeling excited for the first time in a while. While also hoping you made a new friend.

“Ok, close your eyes.” You stand in front of his and put your hand over both eyes. His hands brushed yours before putting his arms down.

“As you wish.” The elevator doors opened with a little ding.

“Ok walk forward and I’ll lead you.” You giggled, you took your hand from his face but you took his hand in yours, he followed your directions around the tables until he was in the middle of the room.

“Open.” You weren’t even trying to hide you smile anymore. You wondered what he thought of the library. “It’s a replica of the library in Amsterdam, ours is just bigger though.”

“It is indeed very impressive.” He looked around for a few seconds and let out a sigh, “why... why are you doing this?” He leans over grabbing the top of the chair next to him, he looked to you, but you’re speechless.

“...What do you mean?” You take a sip of your drink before setting it on the table beside you.

“I should have to earn your trust, you shouldn’t just give it blindly. Why aren’t you like the rest of your team?” He straightened his posture and rubbed his face; covering his mouth waiting for your answer.

“I..uh. I just thought that I could relate, being controlled, having no freewill. I just thought of what I wanted when everyone refused to talk to me, I just wanted someone to talk to. Someone who would be nice.” It makes your chest hurt hearing his voice sound so sad, broken. “And I am like the rest of my team, we know what it’s like to feel like you do right now. We just don’t know how to deal, you know?”

“You mean there was a point when you couldn’t control yourself?” He looked you in the eyes, and they were glazed over, as if they’ll start watering soon.

“Yeah, they didn’t have you go through everyone’s files when you got here?”

He shook his head, and looked away.

“Well maybe you should talk to them about their pasts, but I can tell you that I know exactly how you feel. 3 years ago I escaped from Hydra, I was their weapon along side Bucky. He escaped first, so I was left to pick up the slack on missions, some of which involved killing very important people.” You turn away. “Including good people. They took my free will away, even now if you were to say a string of words I would have no choice but to comply. I even thought I was a lost cause but the team helped me through it. I can’t even see that person as myself anymore, it was so long ago. The invasion was what? 8 years ago? That person isn’t you.”

“Y/N. I had no idea, I apologize for taking your kindness for granted. I’m sorry for upsetting you, it seems I just have a skewed image of how others perceive me.” He takes a few steps towards you, grabbing your arm. “Please don’t think any less of me than you already do.”

You hug him, burying your face in his neck, “I won’t ever think of you as less than. I mean, you are an actual god.” You chuckle trying to ease the tension.

It grows silent in the room, you stay in his embrace but lean back to look at him. His gaze growing darker. You look at his lips and it doesn’t go unnoticed as he leans closer. You can’t help but feel a pull and you begin to close your eyes. As your lips are just a sliver apart, you pull away.

“I’m sorry, it’s against the rules. We can’t.” You try to pull away but his hands are firm around your waist.

“Rules are meant to be broken,” one hand came up to cradle your cheek. “What is the meaning for such a rule if it keeps people apart.”

“The team lost a member for a couple years because of it. Fury made the rule so that we won’t lose any more..” you can’t help but look at his lips but you shake your head. “No I’m not doing this right now... but shouldn’t we at least talk to him about it?”

“No time,” and with that his lips were on yours, devouring you. You moan as he licks your lip asking for entrance, and you oblige. His other hand comes up and he’s holding both sides of your face. You pull his waist closer to you.

You want so badly to continue, but you both were drunk, and you two can get in a lot of trouble with Fury. Actually you don’t remember seeing him drink all that much. Your hands travel up his sides to his shoulders and you try to push him away, but he won’t budge. You stop responding, your lungs feel like they’re gonna burst and you push harder. He finally relented, and you’re left breathing heavily. You were able to push him away as soon as the kiss breaks

You don’t have a chance to say anything before the door opens, revealing Thor, Sif, and the Warrior Three. Loki waves a hand in their direction and it’s as if you two don’t exist.

“They can’t see us but they will hear us if we get too loud. Or I should say if you get too loud.” He whispered in your ear. Which will probably be hard seeing as they all are basically shouting at each other through their conversation.

“Loki we are not doing this, I’m going to talk Fury first thing in the morning when we’re sober, maybe you won’t even want me in the morning. This is probably the alchohol talking,” you try to reason with him and you feel yourself quickly sobering up as this conversation progresses.

You back away from him but each step you take is matched with a step of his own until you bump into the table behind you. The table made a small sound as it skidded less than 6 inches, and your glass spilling over the side.

All five of them look your way and Loki clamps his hand over your mouth. Thor’s eyes darting all over the place.

“Who goes there?”

Loki has you sat upon the table now and he’s still looking around, and you’re too busy staring at him, hoping that he won’t see you, you don’t feel Loki’s other hand slipping down to your clothed heat. Once you did realize you tried pushing his hand away. Squeezing your thighs together.

You feel another pair of hands and you jerk, trying to free your arms. You look back and see another Loki, with the same dark look as the first. He pulls you to lay you down on the table. Keeping your hands firmly in place, while also still covering your mouth. He spread your legs despite your efforts, and stepped between them.

This never happened, you were a super soldier, how is he overpowering you like this? You know Thor has this godlike strength that is almost a match for the Hulk, but does that extend to Loki? Are Jotunns just as strong as Asgardians?

“Do you wish to be caught by my brother, Y/N? What would Fury think? You don’t want to be caught breaking the rules now, do you?” He leaned down to kiss your neck, peppering little pecks everywhere. You shake your head.

“Good girl.” The Loki holding your arms said, he uncovered you mouth and released your hands before he pulled his hard cock out of his pants. “Open up my sweets.” You reluctantly opened your mouth to have his slide his cock between your lips. You close your eyes, focusing on breathing through your nose as he keeps going deeper with each thrust. He’s holding your hands down again.

Loki’s hand is under your dress, rubbing you through your underwear. A small moan escaped you, muffled by his dick, and you can tell he felt it by the way his breath hitches. He is rubbing small tight circles in such the perfect rhythm, you begin to feel yourself slowing tensing up and he stops. You almost growl as he denied you even the climb, not letting anything build.

He brought his fingers to his lips, wetting them with his spit before he begins to lower himself to your sex, pulling down your panties as well.

You’re not disgusted with his behavior, though you should be. You were more ashamed of yourself, for letting this happen, for leading him on, for every action you made tonight that led to this, even for the fact that you are breaking the number 1 rule that was instilled by Bruce and Nat. But most of all because you are enjoying this. A cock in your mouth and a face between your thighs.

It is getting easier, but he is fucking your face with no mind to if you can handle it. Thrusting slow enough that the table won’t rock, but fast enough that your choking every second. He pushes all the way in holding you there for a couple seconds before he pulls out to let you breath. The action causing your eyes to water up until the tears begin to fall, ruining your mascara.

The first Loki kisses up your thighs slowly, so slow that it is torture and you feel a small heartbeat in your pussy with each kiss that’s climbing higher and higher. You’re holding in every noise that you can, for fear that you will be discovered. You’re only about 10 feet away from Thor for god’s sake. But you thank god that he has gone back to talking with his friends instead of investigating in your spilt drink.

You feel his cool breath breath over your cunt and you’re writhing beneath him, absolutely soaked. He places an open mouthed kiss on your clit, swirling his tongue over it in such a delicious way. Sucking and licking in all the right places, he lets go of your left thigh to insert a single finger into your heat, curling it just enough to hit that spot no one else can seem to find. The difference in temperature making everything just a little more unbearable.

Your legs are over his shoulders and you use them to pull him closer. He receives the message and uses more pressure on your clit, sucking it into his mouth harshly, causing you to arch your back and bucking your hips.

You moan, and it is loud, even through the other Loki’s cock in your throat. You feel the clones hand tightening around your wrists, he thrust deeper causing you to gag silently. You freeze and he doubles his efforts, as if he’s trying to get you two caught. He lets go of your hands and you grab the edge of the table. Needing some sort of stability. The second Loki’s hands going around your throat. Feeling his dick enter your throat, making it bulge with each thrust.

Their speech slowed for a few moments as if they’ll hear it again if they quiet down. Your grip on the edge of the table making it groan, so they are now completely silent listening for anything else. Looking in your general direction.

Loki inserts another finger and he is rubbing that spot with such expertise that it has you seeing stars. He’s sucking on your clit, and you don’t even see the edge before your tumbling over. You can’t control your moan this time, your grip on the table edge tightening so much that you hear cracking until two pieces come off. You’re too blissed out to care about the other people in the room.

“Reveal yourself!” Thor bellows, now angry at the fact someone is toying with him. He is storming towards the table; you drop the splintered wood on the ground, Loki’s clone is gone and you are now able to breath. He picks you up princess style and is swiftly taking you out of the room before Thor reaches the table you have just defiled. Phasing through the door so that you won’t be followed.

Your vision had already returned and there was a slight ringing in your ears when he sets you down to stand. Outside your room it would seem, as you’re now able to take in your surroundings. You can’t get a word in before he is pushing you against the wall, grinding into you, ravishing your neck and chest. You are a mess and your muscles feel like jello.

“Wait... wait! Loki stop!” You were getting your bearings again. Knowing well enough how much trouble you are getting into right now. You normally wouldn’t be a stickler for rules but Fury scares the shit out of you, and you’re kind of angry that Loki didn’t listen to you in the first place.

“Darling, I know how much you want me,” he grabbed your pussy roughly. He lets out a low groan that goes straight to your pussy, the need evident. “Gods, you are soaking. I doubt you want me stopping now, especially when just seconds ago you were mewling and writhing in pleasure.” Each word he’s saying is making you more wet by the second, and it’s because you know he’s right.

He’s now grabbing both of your legs and supporting you on the wall. You can clearly feel the bulge in his pants twitch. He is still leaving you breathless.

“Beg for me, beg for my cock in that sweet little cunt.” You can feel the pressure rising once more as the fabric feels so good against your bare pussy.

“Please, Loki, I need you.” He raises an eyebrow at you, “I need— I need your cock in my pussy. P-please” you let out a groan as you are so close to cumming again.

“That’s my good girl,” he kisses you as he barges into your room. Locking the door behind him. He sits in the bed with you in his lap and his arms snake up to the collar in the back, ripping it off of you, not paying any mind to the zipper he just broke. Your left in nothing but your bra and he rips that off of you as well. You would be mad, but you simply can’t think.

You begin pushing his blazer over his shoulders, but with a snap he is fully nude, and painfully hard and prodding your ass. You would get down to your knees, but he flips you when you tried shifting your weight. He has you pinned beneath him and he is rubbing your entrance with his cock.

“We’re you a good girl? Do you deserve my cock?”

“Yes. Yes, I’m a good girl, please. I need your cock” you’re writhing in pleasure and all you can think of is him. He has completely taken you over.

“Good girl.” He thrusts into to the hilt, giving you no time to adjust as he’s already started a steady speed. The pain adding to the pleasure, making your eyes water. You’re sure you looked wrecked.

He fondled your breasts, bringing his mouth down to your nipple as he tweaks the other. You take your nails down his back and he arches, grabbing your wrists and pinning them down with one hand, the other going to your throat again, giving a light squeeze before going to run your clit. The stimulation has you cumming in seconds, tightening around his dick. To which he growls, thrusting harder and overstimulating you. “Oh gods you are tight, such a responsive little thing.”

The feeling has your toes curling, he’s rutting into you much faster now, and he’s still rubbing small circles into your little bundle of nerves and it has you crying out once more as you cum again. You’re sure you’re screaming now, and you’re glad for the soundproofing Tony put in.

He situated the two of you so that you were on top, and you’re trying to ride him, needing him to just move, when you feel something cold on your asshole.

“No, Loki, I can’t.” You exhaled in a breathy moan as he inserts one finger slowly. Another clone has appeared since the one in front of you is tweaking your nipples and sucking hickeys onto your chest.

“Yes you can darling.” He over the blissed our look on your face. “Ah, beautiful.”

One finger becomes two, scissoring inside you, stretching you out. It feels so good, but you need more. Your clawing your fingers down his back once more and you receive a spank in return as the Loki you’re holding arches his back.

“Are you going to be a good girl and cum for me once more? Do you want my seed? You want me to fill you up?” He inserted a third finger and is thrusting them into you faster, one hand going to rub your clit.

“Please... plea-“ you can’t get out a full sentence, just blubbering nonsense.

“What was that?” He smirked, slowing down and grabbing a handful of your hair to pull your head back a little bit.

His actions pulled a sob from you, “plea... please, cum in me.. fill me up please, I’ll be a good girl, please.”

“Such a good little slut, begging for her holes to be filled.” He removed his fingers and slapped your ass then spreading your cheeks apart, making you moan for him. He pushes his cock in inch by inch, and it is torture. You feel so deliciously full, he let you adjust this time before both slowly beginning to thrust in and out of you. Never leaving you empty, they build a rhythm.

You feel the tension inside you you getting tighter as they rut into you. You can’t hold back any moans, not even as the second Loki brings his hand around to choke you, pulling you back till your head is resting on his shoulder. Your breasts jiggling with each thrust. He’s placing open mouthed kisses over your shoulder and neck before turning your head and kissing your lips successfully silencing you. The steady slap of skin now being the only sound in the room.

His tongue expertly invading your mouth, your tongue not even put up a fight for domination. He bites your lip tugging on it before resuming the kiss. Your hands clawing at his forearms.

They start going faster, and you can’t take it anymore when you cum again. They both slow down giving you a chance to collect yourself.

“Do not cum again until I say so.” He reaches one arm around you to rub your clit again. By then you are so sensitive are so close to cumming, but you hold back. “I expect us to cum together.” The one in front of you says.

You moan loudly, “please... I can’t. I can’t hold it.”

“Yes you can love,” he pulled your hair again, “and you will.”

You feel a mouth at your nipple again, tongue swirling around the peak before a small graze of the teeth. Fingers expertly tweaking the other nipple. Then he switches sides after the process.

The second Loki slaps your ass once.. twice.. three times, before holding your hips to keep the rhythm steady. The pleasure becoming too much and you think you’re about to explode. You’re holding onto him as if he’s your lifeline. Your hands traveling up his arms, around his neck and into his hair. You give it a small tug and it is met with a growl. His hips are stuttering though, so you hold out just a little bit longer. Their grunts and moans sound like heaven. His grip on your hips are for sure going to make bruises.

“Cum for me darling, now.” He practically growled, but you could barely hear it, already falling over the edge once more. He bites your neck as the other sucks on your sweet spot just above your collarbone, the pain mingling with the pleasure, cumming so hard that your vision goes black in the corners, your eyes filling back so hard it’s about to give you a headache. Feeling his warmth spill into your ass and pussy, creating aftershocks that have you twitching.

You collapse onto the first Loki and you know that you will feel everything tomorrow. Loki slowly pulls himself out of your ass, causing you to whimper. He stands up and goes to your bathroom, coming back with a warm wet wash cloth to clean you up with.

He winces as he wipes between your legs, which has you writhing. He also had a makeup wipe, washing away the mascara from your cheeks and the remnants of your makeup from earlier. He kissed your nose when your face is clean. The clone disposed of the wipe and rag and evaporated into the air.

“I apologize my sweets, I should have been gentler with our first time.” He gathers you up in his arms bringing you to lay down properly in the bed, under the covers.

Loki climbs in with you cuddling you close to his chest. You are still on top of him. Your eyes are weak, you are exhausted. His heartbeat lulling you to sleep. You realize his cock is still in you, you lift your hips but he shoves you back down harshly. Sending a jolt through you as you moan again.

“I want to be in you,” he pushed your ass down, causing him to go deeper and drawing a whimper from you. “All night.”

You nodded, nuzzling your face into his neck. Leaving one small peck before letting your eyes drift close. His hands rubbing up and down your back in a soothing gesture before coming to rest at your ass.

“We are so fucked.” You managed. He chuckled.

“Don’t you worry about Fury, my love. All is taken care of.” He kisses your forehead.

You snuggled further into him, getting comfortable, before you’re out like a light.

“You’re mine, and I’m not letting you go. Fury won’t take away what is mine.” Kissing your forehead reassuringly.

#avengers #marvel #avengers fic #powered!reader #marvel fic #loki x reader #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #dark!loki #dark!loki x reader #smut #loki smut #loki fanfic #loki fic

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thedogsled · 5 years

Text

Who Tube (Doctor Who YouTube) is hilariously terrible at the moment. You’ve got new fans being gatekept by old fans and then yelling at the old fans and then the old fans yelling back, people subtweeting each other on their channels “Some YouTubers, they know who they are”, people posting vicious rants as soon as episodes end--lots of really really toxic shit on both sides. Like. It’s hilarious--if you enjoy VERY thinly veiled misogyny on one side and blind adoration for progressiveness at the expense of decent writing on the other. If you listen to these people, it’s not very difficult to see where the canon schism between straight white “geek culture” males and anyone with a so labeled by said people SJW motivation come to blows. They both think the other side is just ignorant, and the constant lashing out is just. Wow. It’s really. Wow.

Saltiness ahead.

It frustrates me a lot, because I feel the show has been really hit and miss this season and the warring on YouTube is just another example of how you just can’t discuss this reasonably. It’s not all bad, but it’s certainly been far from all good. Some of it REALLY works, like for example Ryan’s dyspraxia and the decision to explore Yasmin’s character through her grandmother’s story, but some of it doesn’t. I was particularly dismayed today, spoilers, by James I being played through the lens of modern campness by Alan Cumming this week, turning the former monarch into a queer caricature (I know the guy most from his role in Spy Kids, Fegan Floop, which replays ENDLESSLY on british TV). I feel like a lot of the episodes of this season have been simply the characters thrown into chaos, bad guy is revealed to be an alien, then the Doctor gives a shockingly profound, emotional speech that makes you forget how awful some of the other parts were and you go away with ~feels~ and not much else, because all the endings are pulled out of the writer’s ass anyway. Just. That’s how I personally saltily feel about this show this season, like it’s been platforming for a bunch of different writers saying what they want to say about humanity through the Doctor’s mouth. Like she’s ceased to exist beyond her existence as that mouthpiece, and that in some ways the show has too. (just my opinion. anyway.)

But you can’t talk about this stuff. I find myself reading reviews and watching people who like the show and place no accountability on the show beyond being politically bold, and it drives me nuts. It doesn’t matter what form it comes in, so long as it’s pro-feminist, or it exposes people to history they might not have learned in class, or there’s a dude giving birth for 50% of the airtime. If I want to hear or discuss any challenge to those things, I find myself listening to purely negative reviews instead, and noping out when the person suddenly reveals halfway through that they believe that because men aged 18-40 is a big demographic, it only makes sense that they’re the group that are kowtowed to at every opportunity. Like wtf dudes, sorry you can’t hack that other people exist in the world and you aren’t being catered to 24/7 any more. Fuck off. So it’s no wonder the antis feel Doctor Who lovers are all SJWs and the pos!Who people are convinced that the antis are all racist misogynist fucks. (The showrunners do too afaik, and that isn’t helped at all by Chibnall and Jodie both being SO resistant to negativity that neither of them seem to be soliciting fan feedback that isn’t positive.) Is it hard to ask for objectivity, though? For something that comes down the middle? That isn’t racist and misogynistic, but maybe still cares about how the things we’re looking for in terms of representation are being handed to us? How about, at least, not having to listen to some people who are so entitled that they literally think that Jodie Whitaker shouldn’t have shot out any babies so that she can instead devote her entire life to making TV shows? (Seriously, I listened to one girl who thought that, and you could hear her contempt for people who have kids in every syllable.)

I’ve liked episodes of this season. The Kablam! episode was great, I only had minor complaints with the ep that I handwaved away because I felt like there was actually some dramatic tension. I liked episode 2 because it was idk. A fun adventurous romp and the characters all had flaws. I quite liked Rosa because it had the bones of something better, and that showed through in all the scenes where Rosa’s actress (Vinette Robinson, who was also in the Chibnall episode ‘42′, btw what nepotism how many british actors do you think there are?) interacted with the other characters.

But they weren’t all perfect, at least to me. Maybe I’m a negative nelly, because everyone seems to be tripping over themselves to scream positivity about the show in their reviews, but I, personally, feel like much of it has fallen flat. When they did finally drop - as they’ve been avoiding for much of this season - the ‘If I was a bloke this wouldn’t have been a problem’ thing, it wasn’t even delivered with a great deal of gravity or purpose. Maybe some people think that was a good thing, I don’t know, but looking at the way sexism was handled in Timeless, for example, and hell, Sliders (which was a trashy 90s show about jumping between alternate realities; or Quantum Leap for that matter, which had Sam jump into the lives of women in the past and experience days in their lifetimes), it’s way past the era of TV to deliver that kind of line like it’s inconsequentially drawing attention to something nobody noticed before, you know? Why is the BBC always 100 years behind, despite playing like it’s the most progressive thing ever? Why do we let it, and say “Sure we’ll take it, that’s enough” instead of also insisting they tell GOOD stories, and not wave their hand and say aliens did it at the end of every episode? I get it’s a time traveling series but the aliens show up and then the doctor waves her magic wand and ~science~ and yes she quoted Arthur C Clarke but she can do that and be powerful and tell powerful stories that aren’t completely...halfhearted, and if you don’t have trumped up stupid bad guys you don’t have to have flimsy solutions for beating them at the end.

We SHOULD be seeing ourselves in the media we’re absorbing. I firmly believe that. I also think, though, that we’re entitled to be respected by that media as well, in that the stories we’re seeing that show US should be good stories. They shouldn’t be concentrating on making as many nods as possible to as many corners of culture as possible that it stops caring about the story it’s telling, because whatever politically correct points it scores will ensure people overlook its flaws. It’s disrespectul, and we shouldn’t allow it, because it means we’re nothing but a commodity, an unquestioning storyblind audience that just doesn’t care so long as our representation needs are getting catered to. That means we’ll keep getting more representation, but a lot of it will be shit, because no matter what we’ll throw up our hands and give it ten out of ten and rigorously defend it no matter what caricatures it throws in front of us.

We should demand better stories alongside our representation. Fandom is so powerful now that we’re being written for, because as a whole we aren’t objective. We engage in mass squeeing, we’re GREAT at giving positive feedback and high ratings like it’s our job to do it even if it’s undeserved (and arguably Who NEEDED that positive feedback this year) and best of all anyone who doesn’t agree can be written off as an angry white dude, or racist, or just ignorant. That’s good for ratings and good for clicks, and networks eat that stuff up because it makes them money. But that isn’t respect, and we shouldn’t be selling ourselves out for a bargain basement price.

That’s my last word on it for now. I’ll probably complain again next week, and I know I KNOW this isn’t a popular pov for people, but I’ve made my bed with that. For those of you who loved it, I’m glad for you. I’m mostly disappointed for myself. And I still think camp James I was fucking terrible but I already know people love him, so what do I know?

P.S. my tags are for my flist so they can blacklist properly, not to force my saltiness down the throats of other Who fans. You don’t have to agree with me. I just needed to vent.

#wank for ts #doctor who #doctor who spoilers #dw spoilers #not spn #i'm a giant salty butt combo #cause see the thing is i love the idea of a female who #and i am conflicted cause obviously fake it till you make it #but i also find it so fucking insincere from the bbc and from the writers #and you know that poisons those big FEELS moments for me #when the Doctor goes into quotable mode and starts rambling off stuff about humanity #it all seems just so faked to me #but other people love it i guess #i look at the way eccleston's doctor ruminated on humanity for guidance you know #it's just a completely different animal and it makes me sad to see it cheered #when i feel like it's just so so empty #i am sad about it #so cheap

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