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garbage-eater144 · 3 years

Text

THE WARFSTACE AUTOMATED INTERVIEW CAPTIONS

i was chattin in the discord and some people said it was tough to understand some bits, obviouslt this is made by a fan (me) so it might have a couple errors here and there but ive checked through it quite a few times and it seems about as right as i can get it.

so !!SPOILERS AHEAD!! also @markiplier feel free to correct me if you see this thank u <3 The warfstache automated interview

Starting video captions

[Wilford] Well, that’s terrifying… one moment!

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] (frightened sound) marginally better… er worse… better? Worse. It’s much worse.

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] Ah! there we are. Welcome, pretend I remembered your name here, this is a pre-recorded message anyway, I would NOT want to be in the same building as that thing I tell you me. Anyway, thank you whoever you are for agreeing to test out the Warfstache automated interview automaton, or {yelling} WAIA for short. Let’s start off with some quick calibration. All you need to do is sit back, relax and listen for some numbers. Okay? Here we go.

[WAIA]- (phone dialing, dialup tone, windows error sound)

[WAIA]- (scary mechanical garbled noises, followed by a ding and celebratory trumpets.)

[wilford]- now what did you hear? Numbers? Good numbers. Keep in mind I have no idea what youre going to say due to the fact that, as I said before, this message is pre-recorded. But if you did hear something, now would be the time to speak up.

[wilford]- don’t be shy, I’m sure nothing bad will happen. I don’t know what you’re going to say but if it does happen it will happen and if it doesn’t happen it wont happen. Thats how deterministic reality works.

I Think I Heard Numbers!

[wilford] Thats great! Or bad, not really sure what you said, but I choose to remain positive and assume that you are still alive. which means our automated friend here is operating well within acceptable murder parameters. We’re one step closer to mass production! THE WORLD DEMANDS MORE INTERVIEWS! And I cant be everywhere at once all the time, only some of the time! Even you might land an interview some day! Maybe, probably not, depends on how these next few minutes go. On to the next test! Word association! The fundamental basis of any good interview is getting the goods out of those stubborn interview-ees. The WAIA will say a word and you just say back the first thing that pops into your little head! Simple! Right? probably. Good luck!

{mechanical whirring}

[WAIA]- initializing word association training protocol round 1

{scary mechanincal noises} [WAIA]- Please respond. [WAIA] Sorry, I didnt get that. Round 2. {yet more scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- please respond.

[WAIA]- response unclear, increasing aggression

{clicking and mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- round 3. {increasingly threatening mechanical noise} [WAIA]- Please respond.

[WAIA]-5 [WAIA]-4 [WAIA]-3 [WAIA]-2

Sounded like nightmare garbage to me…

[WAIA]- {mechanical ah?} {clicking}

[Wilford]- oh I forgot to mention, please do not say the word nightmare, or uh garbage, or nightmare garbage, or any combination of those words, the WAIA is just a little bit sensitive Yknow, a little touchy feely. Well not really touchy feely.. we-well actually REALLY touchy feely depending on your definition of touch and feely. Its really gonna-

[WAIA]- {jumpscare sounds} [WAIA] I. tell. you. me.

But you didn’t say anything…

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]-response unclear. Increasing aggression.

{ding sound effect} [WAIA]- {jumpscare noise}

[WAIA]- it. was. an. accident.

Uh… potato salad?

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]- response accepted

{ding followed by triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- word association raining protocol compl-{mechanical freakout eeeeeete}

[Wilford]- most dearest next of kin, I regret to inform you, that your dearly beloved and/or most despised has regrettably but not unexpectedly become recently deceased in the line of duty. Be confident in the knowledge that their demise was just as likely to be quick and painless as it was slow and agonizing. Please do not respond to this voicemail as the number has already been disconnected. {clears throat} alright that should do it for the… death scenario, now onto ah, er, uh, the survivors {mumbling}. Wow! Potato salad. A real thinker, you. But the test has been passed with flying colors and you’re still alive! And speaking of flying colors, our next test is about something called, uh… synthetic linguistics? That sounds made up. but the point is you cant have a good interview is the WAIA isn’t able to conjure up the right words in the right situations. So our friend is going to fire off some random words and you just try to spot anything that doesn’t make any sense. Alright? Although, pretty much everything isn’t going to make sense because its all random words….. errrr I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! {mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- initializing speech training protocol round 1.

[WAIA]- yes. no. maybe. left. right. Up. down. D o w n. B a s e m e n t.

{windows error tone} [WAIA]- Rewrite Detected {tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- who. Where. what. Am. i.

{windows error tone}

{tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- green. blue. Yellow. pink. Red.

{scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- I saw you die

[WAIA]-{error, but garbled and mechanical}

[WAIA]- {with a different voice} potato salad

[WAIA]- speech training protocol complete

{mechanical noises}

[Wilford]- so how’d it go?? Did you hear anything weird? Dont be shy, or do, or are- are you alive? Are they alive?

[wilford]- I didnt kill them! I dont know if theyre dead! im just asking!!! Cant a man ask if someones alive or dead?!?! {frustrated ugh}

Yeah, I’m dead.

[Wilford]- hellooooo are you alive down there? Give me a sign… through the multiverse!!! Ah why am I even bothering, but how can I tell if you’re dead… hmmm ah…. I’ll flip a coin! I’ll flip a coin..

{coin flip sounds} [Wilford]- ah! Its heads I didn’t call it in the air… what’s heads mean.. ahhh uhhh heads is dead? [WAIA]-{jumscare noises}

[WAIA]- theres. still. time.

He said… potato salad?

[Wilford]- huh, potato salad again. That’s weird, it must’ve really stuck in his head when you first said that, I’m guessing. I don’t know what you said before because as I said, this is {sing-songy} pre- recorded! [WAIA] {mechanical aaaa}

[wilford] er, well I think thats all the calibration that needs to be done… for now anyway. All systems are likely nominal at this point unless im speaking to a pile of quivering meat thats been robotically smooshed into the floor… either way we’re gonna take this bad boy for a spin with a full on interview! A mock interview mind you, don’t get too excited, it’s not real. But theres no reason to wait around for the WAIA to get bored so let’s keep it nice and limber while you sit back and get ready for the interview of your life! And maybe the last one too. Have fun!!

{mechanical clicking and whirring}

{newsroom music} [WAIA]- good evening ladies and gentle men and all other considerations of being. My name is wilford warfstache and my guest tonight is {spooky robot sound} we have a great show for you tonight. first question: how many people have you killed? [WAIA]- good answer! Second question:

{robot sounds}

[WAIA]- a man goes to a party. This man met an old friend. There, two friends shared some wine. The two friends played a game. The most dangerous game. I didn’t know the gun was loaded. I didn’t know. Was it my fault?

YES

[WAIA]- ah, sorry for everything that I’ve done. I don’t remember who I was, I wish I did. But, I am sorry.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

[WAIA]- you can’t change the past, you can tell all the stories you want to tell, it wont change what happened. You cant re-light the past. if you live in fantasy forever, you’ll lose yourself in the story.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic, I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

#markiplier #markiplier egos #a heist with markiplier #wkm wilford #who killed markiplier #waia spoilers #waia #wilford motherloving warfstache #markiplier lore #captions #sorry if there are any mistakes here everybody like i said i am just some guy

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pestopascal · 3 years

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While I will absolutely agree that CB2077 isn’t the ONLY game doing all this bullshit, or that other AAA studios don’t deserve the flack CDPR is getting, I have to say that this is absolutely the perfect storm and I think people are FINALLY seeing the problems in modern AAA gaming. CB2077 might be fun to play, may have a good story, but it’s almost impossible to see because of the glaring issues. Which, honestly, is a good thing. I hope games change after this.

under here

AAA studios have been like this and this sort of release has been completely normalised on all accounts by both the businesses themselves and fans because of the inherent reliance on modders (bethesda at the forefront of this), as well as the pushback every time companies actually go ‘uh we need a lil more time’ (although... they just shouldnt announce potential release dates, im even of the camp they shouldnt even start releasing the game until like 6 months out from their official date because they fuck it up every time. borderlands 3 being the only game i know of being in “secret” development and then announcing itself in march for a september release. game itself aside, thats how companies should do it). easily i can remember a lot of 2011 release games which have had the exact same issues as cp77′s release, and then every other game in between since. very rarely do you actually have a game that isn’t a fucked up mess of a pile of pixels. and it is always the customisable character ones that are honestly, genuinely, ugly looking at release. but you can definitely say its been happening looooooong before 2011, with unrealistic expectations, word limits, 11 month time frames, offloading sequels to smaller companies so they can suffer if it fails, etc etc. the entire system has been like this for so long... they dont know any real different nowadays.

i mean look. tlou2 released under crunch conditions this year, and was rewarded. it was ALL over the social media feeds, it was quite the controversy because, surprise surprise, the company promised they wouldnt do it uwu and then. bam ! crunch conditions. literally around that time too, bioware employees came out with a statement saying ‘man we wish dai FAILED so that back in 2014 we couldve proven crunch was a wrong practice’. they say this as well after having to produce da2 in 14 months, which just suffered from fans and journalism for reusing environments, because it was produced in 14 months, and honestly? no one pointed that out back then, bioware themselves pointed it out again this year, 6 years after release, that that game was produced in 14 months. rdr2′s release was hounded by stories of crunch, and they all disappeared into the night because... it was heralded as the best game of all time. that was 2018, 2 years ago.

i think too is that some people get kind of ... morally and ethically concerned. which is understandable. can you consume something when you know it was made under conditions like crunch? and i think one of the most confronting things about it is that 9/10, not only has your favourite company engaged in crunch conditions, they almost actively choose to continue with them. and then that’s a whole other bag of issues blown up over there when it comes to what is able to be consumed what isn’t etc etc

i think also like a mix of marketing, promises and then the expectations of what the game will be like have really had cdpr earn the ire of fans which is just like... you don’t believe what these companies are saying. you never should, esp when it’s their ceo’s saying it who don’t work on the actual floor. bioware itself is the main culprit of doing this to the point they finally came around with all the da4 concept art and teasing to be like ‘ummm but actually dont get invested?’. remember all that qunari lady fanart that bioware management was like ... please dont get attached? yeah. yeah. like at what point as well is there going to be heavy level of apprehension to approach this? and i can’t really talk either, i cracked open the door for mass effect again. i know exactly what kind of shit bioware will pull, i know they are teasing it already on social media, but mass effect is my ride or die series. that’s why people keep opening the door on letting these companies get away with it. and you can’t fault fans entirely either because this is down to a science of how to get money. i mean, fuck, mass effect andromeda’s entire advertising campaign HINGED on the n7 logo. for the nostalgia value. and i see text posts in the same vein of both ‘guys, disney isnt gonna fuck you if you consume every remake for nostalgia value’ and ‘its understandable why people do it’.

so then you have to go ‘well are fans as just to blame’ and then that’s a whole other argument.

i think also like. i personally havent run into aaaannnyyyyyyy of the issues that you see posted online. which is ironic bc 1) i play on ps4 and 2) its an old dusty ps4. in fact a lot of ppl i have spoken to who have had issues have played on pc. does this mean the glitches dont exist? ofc not, the vids and screenshots are right there. but like... ive had a basically unhindered experience so far, and i get where ppl are coming from (i do, i promise) where theyve basically found the game unplayable. is there also a standard of what ppl consider unplayable because ive played most AAA games at launch when they basically rushed to slap the box label on the game and called it a day until they work on patches. when ppl consider unplayable is also just... different per person. some people have a slight blur on the screen when turning too fast even in an MMO and decide the game is horrible and unplayable. some people can have broken quests and npcs not loading and falling through maps and still be fine. there’s no agreed statement of what makes a game unplayable either, which is why you read threads on twitter and someone goes ‘yeah this npc t-posed so i quit in the first hour’ with a dozen replies. everyone has different levels of it.

it’s a mixed bag of issues. im not excusing cdpr, but the ppl who worked on the game are honestly likely not the ones who pushed for a release. you’ve gotta look at sony and microsoft and ceo’s with bonuses coming up and the investors and shareholders and people who sit behind computers and read numbers detailing interest and demand and supply and how every single time they had to delay this game, the loudest (but smallest) bunch of assholes on like reddit and in the twitter threads complained that it was delayed AGAIN even though back in what 2015? they said it’ll come out when it’s ready. and yeah there are times when game delays result in a mismatched half assed sort of story (kh3... p5... ffxv... dai...) and then there are times when, if they need to delay the game... they probably need to delay the game. sometimes delays are bad sometimes theyre good sometimes you are sitting there like whew if you only didn’t try to be like THIS TIME this is the release date.

the ONLY WAY this will stop happening is, quite frankly, unionising. and everyone is allergic to that whole concept so like... this is “the perfect storm” as you put it. but it’s also not. people have been so disappointed over the last 2 years alone for gaming companies, the final product, the attitudes from higher ups, that i think cdpr is receiving a good few years worth of anger. i think theyre also on the receiving end of misdirection from american fans who still don’t fucking get the company isn’t american, because that’s another bag of issues as well. like we’re holding at least 8 bags of groceries out of the back of the car now, and we don’t want to take another trip, because there are so many little bits of this entire situation to look at. there’s so much back and forth.

i think the worst, but most realistic thing is: games won’t change. how they will social media wise will. maybe. assuming bioware gets their heads out their asses but... they’re going to be a lot more careful. i mean, hell, sony offered refunds. that was just a publicity stint. they dont give a fuck if the game was bad. as i said before, if they did, they would make all companies fix trophy problems, starting from like 2010 or whenever the trophy system first came out. they just don’t wanna fall in alongside cdpr being thrown on its sword. but the companies are gonna learn from this, get smarter, still do the same shit to their employees, still pay off journalists, still do media blackouts, etc etc. and we’re gonna be here in another year’s time, with another game, having these same roundabout arguments, and cp77′s issues are gonna fade into just a wikipedia article.

#replies #this got long so i threw it under a cut #i just like wrote as i was thinking too in between ovw sry lol #Anonymous

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lunchador · 3 years

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so when do we get the long post about your feelings about dragon age inquisition!!! i dunno if u wanna wait until dlc or not! i am i n t e r e s t e d (also its ok if u dont feel up to it im just!!!! again, interested in ur opinions/feelings)

kajsldkjf PLEASE I HAVE SO MANY DA FEELINGS ALL THE TIME and Inquisition was twice as long as the others so might as well do a word vomit now and I can always do another after the dlc (which several people have assured me are worth playing )

Yeah so inquisition is long. I dislike open world games so a lot of the (super repetitive!!) side quests did grate on my nerves and that docks this game a few points but over all the LORE IS SO GOOD, and it tying in so many choices in from 1+2 is the greatest butterfly effect I ever experienced in video games. I thought telltale + Until dawn were fun for that but good LORD bioware has showed up all of those games and I am really stoked to try mass effect when its out later and play more bw games. I only played Anthem before this and that game seemed...idk, gutted against BW’s wishes.

ANYWAY

Yeah, I managed to go into the whole DA series knowing very, very little, despite how many artists I followed did fanart for it. Once I started playing, I added all the words I could think of to my blacklist but a lot of untagged stuff came through (fair, series is 10+ years old and inq is like what 4-5?). I allowed my friends to pressure me into playing an elf mage for the lore and to romance solas cuz they said he was as important to the story as alistair was. A lot of online followers said I should play how I wanted, which I def would recommend to anyone else, but honestly I can see where they came from and while he never would have been my first choice, I think he actually paired REALLY well with my Inq and how I was playing her. I put her as sensitive but trying to put her responsibility above herself, she was definitely the least funny of my 3 characters, but not incredibly serious. A bit reserved? Just more mature. She’s got faith but she didn’t think she was the chosen one but she’ll do her role the best of her ability. She makes hard decisions and then sobs her chest empty over them because how is one to ever feel like its the right one? I really like how the game lets you choose how you wanna approach the responsibility. Like i said, I wasn’t a reluctant chosen one, but she will do what she can. Versus my friend playing at the same time as me said he played as the second coming of jesus essentially lmfao Having so many characters come back for different roles was so GOOD!!! Like everyone told me Varric was in this one but were like ‘teehee you still cant romance him though’ but you how you play drastically changes your relationships with each person. Tons of characters I met I knew would be personal favorites but I ended up interacting way less because others were more fitting to my inquisitor. So i.e while I love Varric and would’ve smooched him a heartbeat with Hawke, I didn’t get that vibe with Clover. They were really good friends, he was a grounded friend with a sense of humor that was a good escape from everyone else and the ~inquisition~. At least, until the Beyond the Abyss quest. That obviously heavily fractured their friendship and hurt them both :( And i felt that for a long time, until the end. He looked tired. Poor guy is gonna be borderline dead in 4 at this point. But so many side characters you talk to coming back like Dagna and Samson??? Speaking of that quest, I got Stroud because, yeah...Alistair was dead for me and APPARENTLY IT COULD ALSO BE LOGHAIN??? If he stays a grey warden?? wish I did that so def would’ve preferred to save Hawke even if I think the wardens are more important as a concept but like.......i wanted to behead him, so....But yes even tiny details like..Varric wrote home to kirkwall to Carver for me because the rest of my family was dead and I never completed a full romance in 2 lkajslkdjf but the fact that changes based on your play through. BUT YEAH THE way this game weaves all your decisions in and how yeah, overall the story is the same but it makes it so personal to YOU and so different from everyone else ;w;

But I could see my Inq genuinely falling for Solas, and I see her best friends as Cassandra and Blackwall/Thom. Really close to Leliana and the Iron Bull as well. I just loved all their interactions. All the characters were so cool to get to know?? Like I thought I would’ve hated Cullen (hes a dick in O) and tbh I just got into the series as the VA was being a complete shit. But I liked him a lot!! I love the work buddies vibes between the Inq and the advisors. I thought I was going to love Sera!! And like, I did, but she hated my Inquisitor and their personalities clashed a lot. Shes the only one i didn’t get a cut scene for in the end :’) I loved coming back from story quests and having to take like 20 minutes to go around skyhold and make sure I talked to /everyone/ for their new dialogue. You genuinely feel connected to all these wonderful npcs ljkasljdf

I wanted to make Cassandra the new divine but I made leliana on accident and kinda dug it so I stuck with it. VARRIC IS THE NEW VISCOUNT??? h i l a r i o u s.

One of the things I loved the most in this game in particular, and while this is something in all of them it just really struck me in this one, was....everyone gave up so so much to devote themselves to the cause, y’know?? Like, it’s almost heartbreaking how much everyone loses and they’re still looking towards you with their belief and willingness to follow you to the end ;-;

The final fight almost felt, Idk, underwhelming? Dude dragons are way tougher than him asdkjhfkhjd. I even went up a difficulty in this game after feeling like I got the hang of the series. But at the same time, we just spend how many hours knocking down each and one of his advantages so fuck him lol.

But yeah there are so many things I wanted to do but I felt so worn out by mindless sidequests and story being level locked in comparison to the previous games. askdjhflkd

One of the things that blows my mind is so so many people were stoked i was playing DA and they couldn’t wait til I got to Inq, and so I find out most people I know only ever played Inquisition? TBH if I didn’t play O+2 I think I would’ve dropped inquisition and never finished it *shrug* all of the build up just means SO MUCH!!! Everyones argument seems to be the older games are ugly and yeah O has rough battle system but its easy to get over imo. Like, you need the chaos of 2 to get the real weight of the mage/templar stuff?? Theres so many characters and story and dialogue that go over your head without Origins?? Like yes inq can stand alone pretty well but, idk, I’m in love with this entire series and the world building and THE!! WAY!!! IT!!! ALL!!! CONNECTS!!!!!!!!!!!

I love how a quest can go differently by whos in your party, I love you can have more dialogue based on lore you’ve managed to pick up around, I love HOW COMPANIONS BICKERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! The lore of these games are so good. It’s like playing an epic line of novels. It’s so immersive and I don’t think I’ve played too many games to this level.

I didn’t like the skill trees to being a mage in this one, Idk why. It wasn’t nearly as fun for me as 2, but then again I really fucking liked being a force mage haha. I wanted to be a rogue to complete a diff class per game but everyone said mage brings a lot more interesting story/lore stuff so

but yeah I love having the full context now and seeing other peoples Wardens/Hawkes/Inquisitors and asking people how they played and how their options differed from mine and THERES JUST SO MANY POSSIBLE DECISION TREES!!!!! No wonder the fans play over and over.

but yeah ultimately so much fucking happened?? I’m probably missing a lot of key points.

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loveamongthesailors · 4 years

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Well, Pathologic 2, you’re One years old! It’s as good a moment as any to reflect upon and shatter the time-lines you’ve drawn out for us. OR; Reading His-Story Against the Grain

i saw this post about pathologics incongruous timeline stuff the other day and i ended up Getting Into It.. this piece draws on stuff from patho classic but its focused on patho 2, especially on a comparison ov the Diurnal and Nocturnal “endings,” and contains spoilers for both games, probably, i guess, on varying levels ov abstraction and explicitness. i/m going to attempt to stand on a street corner and point towards Pathologic’s overall construction/presentation ov “time” as the Now-time, Exploded time, Messianic Time.

from dear daniil dankovsky, on Angels; “An angel is a nightmare. Their purpose is to instill primal, oppressive horror. I think if angels existed, they’d resemble a divine pillar of light---from the heavens to the earth. Devoid of anything remotely human.” We commend this Puppet for his drama but would like to take a slightly different approach. Even awful dreams are good dreams, if you’re doing it right.

“A Klee painting named ‘Angelus Novus’ shows an angel looking as though he is about to move away from something he is fixedly contemplating. His eyes are staring, his mouth is open, his wings are spread. This is how one pictures the angel of history. His face is turned toward the past. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the dead, and make whole what has been smashed. But a storm is blowing in from Paradise; it has got caught in his wings with such a violence that the angel can no longer close them. The storm irresistibly propels him into the future to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows skyward. This storm is what we call progress.“

on the content ov patho and in a real Life context, im also going to be discussing genocide ov Indigenous people, colonial Violence, police brutality, and anti-Black violence in this piece. i’ll also be contextualizing some views on History through the writing ov Walter Benjamin, a German born Jew living in the early 20th century, and friend ov Bertolt Brecht, who you may be familiar with if yr into patho. In 1940, shortly after writing On the Concept of History (referenced here),while fleeing persecution for neutral grounds, he was trapped in catalonia by a franco government cancellation ov travel vistas and,under threat ov repatriation to nazis by the spanish police, commited suicide on the night ov september 26. His theses were passed on by surviving members ov his group who were granted “safe” passage after his suicide, being later taken under the care ov Hannah Arendt and Theodor W. Adorno. His Grave reads -in German and in Catalan, reproduced here in english-

"There is no document of culture which is not at the same time a document of barbarism"

(from section 7 ov On the Concept of History)

i will also be using sections from baedan, which has been dear to me over the years, on Benjamin’s Concepts. some songs will be dispersed throughout (featuring Laurie Anderson, Owen Pallett, and some good ol tmg), with relevant links beneath. you’ve heard that old Brecht aphorism about dark times, singing, whatever? i’m nearly sick to death ov it. these stories, in addition, will be based on a few things i know Myself. follow the threads as you see fit <3

Because History is Stories...That we half-remember... And most of them never even get written down. And so when they say things like "We're gonna do this by the book," You have to ask "What book?," Because it would make a big difference if it was Dostoyevsky or just, You know... Ivanhoe.

xxx

“Read what was never written,” runs a line in Hofmannsthal. The reader one should think of here is the true historian. ~ Walter Benjamin, omitted notes to the theses on history

//// //// //// ////

Isidor Burakh: All I wanted was for you to understand, not to follow any particular fate.

...

Isidor Burakh: The Town needs to move forward, but it doesn’t insist. Facing the Future is the the way of Love. Facing the Past is the way of Love. But the two are incompatible, and it broke my heart. //// //// //// ////

so,,, depending on who you ask within Pathologics narrative, the history ov the Town-on-Gorkhon stretches back to Time Immemorial, constitutes a few hundred years ov settlement, or only goes back about as far as You have been playing the game. You’ll hear conflicting narratives around just about everything in this Town. Simon Kain, hundred something years old, mystic, spiritual founder ov a several hundred year old settlement. an executed general’s vengeful daughter, Artemy and Rubins foggy backstories ov military service, what military?, what war? Who sent in the Military and Inquisition, how can We get at the Powers that Be? looking outside ov the narrative and towards history for these sorts ov questions will give us All and None ov the answers.

The Termitary (internment/interment/intermediate/immediate/intermittent) looms over the Home ov Isidor Burakh, Menkhu and sole Medical Practitioner ov the town(excepting disciples. consider the spread ov knowledge, what different Knowledges are at hand and how they perpetuate...we can see how Isidor himself looms from his grave Quite well!), colleague ov radical intellectuals from the Capital and serving with Simon in tandem with the Mistresses to hold the Town together by force. Everything is Happening at Once.

Look at What/Who is Moving this Story Forward. Different ruling families will give you again, different Numbers, different Stories. One can’t trust the Numbers, we say! and One can hardly trust the Stories either, mind you. This engenders an approach based on following Patterns, exploring Roots, pulling back the curtain to ascertain the shape ov things, reading the lines so to speak. one Bull or Several bulls? silly question. again, we’re trying to looking beyond the Numbers. consider Time as a Multiplicity. consider Rhythmic and Linear time, Time Stratified, Unending Time, Plague Time and Empty Time, Lived Time and Time un-Lived, if one pleases!

XVII

“Historicism rightly culminates in universal history. Materialistic historiography differs from it as to method more clearly than from any other kind. Universal history has no theoretical armature. Its method is additive; it musters a mass of data to fill the homogoneous, empty time. Materialistic historiography, on the other hand, is based on a constructive principle. Thinking involves not only the flow of thoughts, but their arrest as well. Where thinking suddenly stops in a configuration pregnant with tensions, it gives that configuration a shock, by which it crystallizes into a monad. A historical materialist approaches a historical subject only where he encounters it as a monad. In this structure he recognizes the sign of a Messianic cessation of happening, or, put differently, a revolutionary chance in the fight for the oppressed past. He takes cognizance of it in order to blast a specific era out of the homogenous course of history—blasting a specific life out of the era or a specific work out of the lifework. As a result of this method the lifework is preserved in this work and at the same time canceled*; in the lifework, the era; and in the era, the entire course of history. The nourishing fruit of the historically understood contains time as a precious but tasteless seed.”

*The Hegelian term aufheben in its threefold meaning: to preserve, to elevate, to cancel.

Everything is happening at once, already, and, for the purposes ov Our story, A plague is on. (why is there a plague on? in this Specific Case, read: Specimen, there is a plague on because infection serves as a very useful allegorical device. haha. see also dominant theories ov infectivity in russian imperial medicine, policy, and social science) Crisis as Inflammation. Violence and Control intensified along multiple vectors. Mobs, Witch Burnings, The Quarantine, districts carved up and kept under surveillance, the Town Police, Arsonists, government or Otherwise, the Military, the Inquisition, Hangings in the square, tallies ov the Dead in the Termitary... Was any ov this new? did it Crystallize from thin air? here’s an aphorism: There’s Nothing New Under the Sun. what can we find beyond the Sun’s reaches? what has the Sun given us, and what has Earth? shall we keep them apart? whose bodies are restricted in their movement over the earth, and how severely are they restricted? who is targeted? who enforces the control? is this what Crisis looks like? when did the Crisis start?

“To articulate the past historically does not mean to recognize it ‘the way it really was’ (Ranke). It means to seize hold of a memory as it flashes up at a moment of danger. Historical materialism wishes to retain that image of the past which unexpectedly appears to man singled out by history at a moment of danger. The danger effects both the content of the tradition and its receivers. The same threat hangs over both: that of becoming a tool of the ruling classes. In every era the attempt must be made anew to wrest tradition away from a conformism that is about to overpower it. The Messiah comes not only as the redeemer, he comes as the subduer of Antichrist. Only that historian will have the gift of fanning the spark of hope in the past who is firmly convinced that even the dead will not be safe from the enemy if he wins. And this enemy has not ceased to be victorious.”

//// //// //// ////

But do not be scared Surely some disaster will descend and equalize us A crisis Will unify the godless and the fearless and the righteous

...

In a certain slant of light the feeling will hit me Like a man against the waves and a violent wind Waking up in a bloody morning With the warmth of his forgiveness around me The shared dream left me shaking The memory is threatening to capsize every ship upon the sea

xxx //// //// //// ////

Pathologic, having mapped out these lines, and being a concatenation ov narrative fiction that could not have existed without the precondition ov colonial expansion and the Extermination and Assimilation ov Indigenous populations and Life ways, can be can be unwound through a conventional historical approach by investigating various moments, epidemics, and movements in The Steppe (and all Land and Living Beings subsumed by Russia’s internal colonization) and looking for similarities, sources, influences, reflections, distortions... You’ll never find quite an exact parallel to the events ov pathologic, and you will find that the Trick that the devisers have given you in fact resides in laying out what can be gleaned from the Tangled view.

“…they make the work a process of learning or experimentation, but also something total every time, where the whole of chance is affirmed in each case, renewable every time,”

— Gilles Deleuze, Difference&Repetition

//// //// //// ////

“For Benjamin, the conclusion of the movement of history through time is not some inevitable utopia—capitalist, communist, or otherwise. Rather than viewing the progression of civilization as an accumulation of gains and reforms toward freedom and justice, history can be seen as the continuous defeat of the exploited by their oppressors; the intensifying alienation of beings and their re-construction into capital. History not only serves to justify today’s rulers, but also to encode our memory with a narrative that reads historical events as a necessary chain of events along the path toward some future revolution or techno-utopia. He describes this as “a view of history that puts its faith in the infinite extent of time and thus concerns itself only with the speed, or lack of it, with which people and epochs advance along the path of progress.”

//// //// //// ////

In your Twelve Days in the town as a Healer, what did you see? piles ov wreckage, debris, bodies stacked under streetlamps flickering in the night? a town spreading across a steppe? a Utopia growing through the Earth? do you think you saved any lives, and was any-body's life yours to save in the first place? a Plague moving through living organisms? a Plague moving through non-living organisms? did you observe any Organisms, living or otherwise, over the course ov the play? do you have Mirrors in your house? have you seen a still, clear, body ov water recently? what are the waterways where you live called, and have they been called anything else in the Past or Present? did you become the Haruspex, and following what paths does becoming-haruspex entail? are you winning, son?

When the hunger turns in on itself, it begins to devour its host Who do you turn to for help? Who do you love the most? When the word comes down the wire that they're looking To make an example of you Skin and bones around a campfire beneath the stars No good end in view I dance with the ones that brought me I dance with the ones that brought me here

xxx

did you observe a Fever? can you feel a Fever? can you Imagine a great crack ov lightning striking across the Steppe, illuminating in raw detail the beauty and horror ov all that you have experienced? how would it smell afterwards? can you smell the Twyre on the air? is Twyre even a real thing? what may influence your imaginary ov its scent? Feel small, dirty hands reaching out for beetles, marbles, raisins, souls within nuts and names without people. Living on pemmican, Living on military rations. razors, fish-hooks, scalpels and syringes passing through the hands ov children as well. noticing the flows present in everything, spots where they are arrested, and the intensities they assume. we could run through the Game and Count up the Number ov Clocks present, and we could also look at how many hours we have Clocked in our Playtime, and the date ov this Play’s Production. did the Kains succeed in their mission to Produce Time? was this the Kain’s mission Alone? how is your mental Clock? We got the Body Count at the end of the day, and commentary too. cant beat that courtesy, *hem hem* but again, looking beyond the Numbers. how many Bulls did you see? when is a question also a trap?

XVIII

“‘In relation to the history of organic life on earth,’ writes a modern biologist, ‘the paltry fifty millennia of homo sapiens constitute something like two seconds at the close of a twenty-four-hour day. On this scale, the history of civilized mankind would fill one-fifth of the last second of the last hour.’ The present, which, as a model of Messianic time, comprises the entire history of mankind in an enormous abridgment, coincides exactly with the stature which the history of mankind has in the universe.”

what are the Consequences ov inserting Living Beings into a Linear Framework? where did Architecture come from? how was this Story constructed? What do you remember about the Town?

We can take the Diurnal “ending” as a fairly straightforward allegorical Byway for the Forces ov Progress. Boundaries are set, You are not the Town, the Town is your Soul-and-a-half.( wikihow to not be a cartesian dualist, consider also Spinoza if laying bare the path ov immanence was ov interest to you) What lays beneath the Sunlight? what still lays beneath the Earth? What time is it? things are weirdly cozy, in some ways. mimesis, echoes, ghosts. Are their voices still heard? grace tallies up the bodies. are You ready to Leave Artemy here? is this a comfortable future for you to imagine? how are you with uncertainty? Does the costume itch? do you ache at the seams, or are your joints sore from all the strings pulling at them? got arthritis? i’ve used stinging nettle. can a Story devour a human being? why would something with that power stop at One?

What Do You Think Will Happen Now?

One can also make the Choice to step into the Darkness. One with many names has returned to the Earth,(”One” ov many False Deaths and Smart Tricks too. love ya girl <3)... taya as mistress-ov-bulls, grace as mistress-ov-dead, changeling as mistress-ov-absolutley-whatever. Mistresses, Mist, Tresses, Bulls, Brides, Worms, Plague...the Theme/s to note here is/are Multiplicity. Is there a difference between imagining the future and the past? Where are you? Where did You come from? the Nocturnal ending already asks enough questions to make me quite happy. sitting next to the Girls now, looking out at the New Sky. same as the old sky, Full ov Magic. if we take Death ov the Author into account, we could say that the Polyhedron belongs to the Dead in more ways than one. We can see your house from here! i wouldn’t say we’ve even gotten to the Prophet yet. When did our Hero leave us? did We have any use for Heroism? the Steppe is in the Stone Yard now. The World is returning to Life. what does it mean for me?

how many angels can dance on the head ov a pin?

how many worm brides can dance in the cathedral?

....“The way in which the dead are present is as the “caress” of a “breath of… air,” as an “echo,” or as a sister who one no longer recognizes. In other words, the past is present and everywhere, touching us every moment and “in the voices we hear,” but only suggestively, in and in spite of our own inability to recognize it. But the possibility for redemption, the weak messianic power, lies in the chance that we might.

In the intimate, ever-present opportunity he describes there is a tremendous deal at stake. For, he writes in the fourth thesis, the “refined and spiritual things” that live in the class struggle “as confidence, courage, humor, cunning, and fortitude, and have effects that reach far back into the past… constantly call into question every victory, past and present, of the rulers.”

Later, turning to the historians he criticizes as tools of the ruling classes, Benjamin makes it clear in his seventh thesis that their resurrection of the past is an entirely different kind. The nature of the sadness—rooted in an indolence of heart—that Flaubert described feeling in his historical study of Carthage is clearer, Benjamin says, when we remember that the historian’s empathy is always with the victor, and thus with the present rulers. It is the kind of sadness, then, that gathers to the loyal servant or minion in knowing that it is being used for its ruler’s purposes”

“Figured another way, the task of interruption requires us to locate the clocktower that we could fire upon to stop the day. Homogenous time no longer flows through the monolithic machines in the city centers. Now, a range of technological advancements have diffused and integrated the machinery of time into our very thoughts and rhythms. Everywhere we go, we are surrounded by and permeated with devices which serve to manage the regime of time. Where once a singular apparatus mediated our relationship to time, its dictatorship is now imposed by an innumerable array. A desire for interruption must now reckon with the countless apparatuses that segment our memory and integrate our very being into capitalist time. But rather than waste time lashing out against all these clocks one after another, let us cut through to what underlies them.

History’s servants promise us a shining future. Whether by means of technological innovation, hard work and sacrifice, or the Revolution, we are assured of a heaven-on-earth of light and crystal. But all of these glimmering apparatuses can only serve to adorn the monumental pile of wreckage in which we live. All around us, the carnage and corpses of our ancestors form the architecture of our daily existence. Not only the walls and freeways and shopping centers, but the smart phones, pornography, surveillance and entertainment systems—all monuments to the same enemy that has never ceased to be victorious. Capital, Leviathan, civilization, society: so many names for the process which turns life into an assemblage of death, which would integrate us as machines into a grander machinery. Futurity is the logic that drives this regime of subjection and assimilation, but is also the science which desecrates our memory of those who also struggled; the treachery which turns their struggles into so many more ideological cadavers. Where living beings once struggled to be free from futurity’s domination of their lives, we are told that they dutifully sacrificed themselves for society’s future. We too are called upon to procreate and raise up children who might one day live better lives than we. But just as we were born into the halls of the dead, so too would our children be the stillborn janitors of these halls, breathing circuits embedded in a massive cybernetic cadaver. Ghosts call out to us: they ask that we tear apart the sutures of this Frankenstein’s monster which they’ve come to constitute. They call on us to cremate their remains and bury the ashes, to end the reign of the dead over the living.”

//// //// //// ////

"I am not afraid," ze said "Of the non-believer within me Nor delight at the pain of my enemies Nor tears for any friends I have lost" ...

I’ll never have any children I’d bear them and eat them, my children

I’m gonna change my body In the light and the shadow of suspicion I am no longer afraid The truth doesn’t terrify us, terrify us My salvation is found in discipline, in discipline

xxxx

//// //// //// ////

“It is apparent from the foregoing that all accumulation is cruel; all renunciation of the present for the sake of the future is cruel.”

— Georges Bataille, The Accursed Share, Volume III

//// //// //// ////

“The Haruspex is blood and organs... ...The Haruspex’s overarching idea is the interconnectedness of everything and restoring the connections... ...The Haruspex hears (rhythms)... ...The Haruspex: water + forward vector. „ — [from the game’s design documents]

“ The Haruspex, a butcher, a killer, one could even say a murderous psychopath, gets the warmest character arc. It’s about love. „ — [from the game’s design documents]

//// //// //// ////

Infinity Mirrored Room—All the Eternal Love I Have for the Pumpkins -

Yayoi Kusama, 2016

//// //// //// ////

A long “personal” anecdote: there’s music on the air and i hear a familiar buzzing. it isn’t twyre growing, nor it is the hum ov flies. we Keep bees here, to get honey. I should try to remember to bring some to my wife tomorrow, though making the journey on its own is a bit daunting these days. 1 hive, 2 hives, the bees build and swarm and our Keeper rearranges the frames, adds in new boxes, tries to give them enough space that they'll stay within our domain. I think about the complex roles being fulfilled within the hive, and how any egg can grow into a so called “Queen” if need be. These Hives haven’t always held the same populations, sometimes a swarm will depart and won’t be Recovered. Look around the neighborhood, find the buzzing tree, you may be able to get them back yet but... have you tried getting a swarm ov bees into a box before? good luck finding the queen! (hoping i don’t have to do this but a bit excited by the prospect at the same time.)

Our honey bees didn't originate from this region, i see them in the “yard” alongside native bees (one tries to plant for Everybody) but obviously, Our Hives are here so i’ll always see more ov the honeybees as long as they’re occupying them. Native bees to our Bioregion are leading very different lifestyles. Different threats, dynamics, and places in the ecosystem as well. Bumblebees are the most Beloved. Native Bees here- vital pollinators, ground and stem burrowers, more solitary souls than most, but are any ov us really alone? what are their favorite flowers?

I think about Bees a lot now. I’m standing here thinking about Bees, and where I’m standing is in between the entrance ov the Hive and their favorite Ceanothus (see also soap brush, red root, buckbrush, see medicinal uses...). Very precious grounds to these Bees, not somewhere where I’m welcome. I Haven’t always known as much about bees. I get stung right inbetween my pinky and index fingers, on the palm ov my hand. yeowch! Bad luck, but i could still use a shovel the next day. This was an anecdote about Paying Attention to Your Surroundings.

The Ceanothus isn’t flowering anymore, and hasn't been for a few “weeks” (i think?) The Bees have other concerns now. In fact, it was heavily damaged in a snow storm a couple years back, and half ov its branches collapsed under the weight ov the ice. Its a bit ov a twisted thing now, what remains still flowers but what remains is not so much. At some point in the future upon yr reading ov this, it will have been cut down and possibly dug out ov the earth. I wouldn't be surprised if a few more, smaller, iterations made their way to this space in remembrance/ tribute. The branches lost in it’s first wounding are still stacked up nearby, all sorts ov creatures love that stuff. Dead trees in the back that Birds still frequent stay for the birds. We never get that many plums because we’re not smart or quick enough, or as willing to take one great bite ov a fruit and let the rest fall to the soil. I didn’t really get stung by a Bee in a situation exactly like what i described up there, it’s drawing on a few different times that sort ov thing happened. I hope you’ll forgive me for my obscurantist tendencies.

Looking past the Hives and onto the Streets, I am a White Settler(family fled the reach ov the Soviet Union to integrate into America, family fled family to a different part ov land under the Reaches ov said “America”,cave fled family but stuck with the Land, recurring patterns, what would my views be if i had grown up in Czechoslovakia? geography, chronology, trick questions) living in a segment ov Town that, until 1968, was a legally a Sundown Town, see Racial Restrictive Covenants. I still don’t see than many Black ppl around my neighborhood. I do see grocery store parking lots swarming with cop cars, more cops than i can Count, at least two k9 units, all to pursue One Black Body through the rainy night, My own Body lets me move through the world without these Forces being brought upon me in this intensity, lets me Watch.

Certain alignments ov directions ov Struggle have brought me into the position ov the Other at the end ov the cudgel, a body in a crowd under the looming eye and long barrel ov the sniper, the surveillance camera. Visibility is a Trap. Any ability i have to Get Off The Hook is based not on Luck or Fate, but due to the way the color ov my skin is reflected in the eyes ov Those in Power. what can i do from inside This Skin, and what can i do with the veil ov a mask obliterating my “selfhood”? How are we to heal? If you didnt read this into my Musical choices already- im a bit ov a flaming/smoldering queer. sitting in the planned parenthood lobby, one among many, gripped by recollections ov the devastating history ov HIV/AIDS and a cluster ov other Crises, memories ov beloved souls lost to policies and hegemony ov extermination and neglect. blood in vials, piss in jars. how does the time spent waiting for results feel?(how long? weeks months?)

I have more free condoms on hand than i’ll ever get through. A veritable theoretical eternity ov Safer Sex. There are Reasons why Queer Institutions give access to free condoms. But i’ve gotten them from some delightful Quakers as well. on another squeamish, libidinal subject, administering self injections isnt so daunting when you’ve seen it done a Million times before. It’s like watching somebody sneeze, or pinching yourself. HRT as potions, mechanical intrusion to will a slow transformation. getting into the fat is easy, some other avenues less so. “This requires the Gentle Hand of a Surgeon, step aside!” i know a lot about what Doctors Don’t Know. (veins and arteries as streets- easy. nerves as streets - you hear this a bit less. streets as eyes, the opening ov your mouth with a railroad track running down it, eyes as streets, whose streets? fuck streets! tear up the concrete)

The aforementioned streets are closed to Traffic due to the Quarantine, and i hear folks and families from the neighborhood walking/hoverboarding/skateboarding/biking down the street,(mostly the new work from home yuppie class and their spawn respectively, but there's some real ones around here too. all ages. have yet to live anywhere that people don't ask me for cigarettes) chattering away, masks or no masks. If i take a long walk down past the cemetery, I’ll find myself passing by a Native American Youth Home, created to provide support for a population that is currently disproportionately represented in this Town’s already Massive Homeless population. (their covid19 resources and donation info) Even with the Plague on, New Condos are built and Old Condos stay empty. Who do the bones in the soil beneath my feet belong to? When did all ov this Start, and how Long will it go on? why does the Map look the way it does? I would rather listen carefully than dig. This Story is not the only Story, nor should any be.

do i remember how the damp asphalt smells Here after Lightning Strikes? do i remember the feeling ov my body thrown to the concrete and the chaos and disorientation ov Crowds mobbing over me, slick with rain and sweat? who saw, and how many hands reached out to lift me up, who saved who? is that my blood trickling down the sidewalk? Flashbangs and Flashes ov Lightning, take yr pick. you can get similar experiential learning in the moshpit. this is an anecdote about Paying Attention to Your Surroundings.

i’ll try to bring us nearer to the point with baedan’s conclusion, a reflection on the First thesis from On the Concept of History. I will leave it up to You to investigate the original text if you are so Inclined.

//// //// //// ////

“For every pretty theory that presents itself, study it only in the way that a cat studies its prey: for the enjoyment of the hunt, to be sure, but also so as to seize upon whatever unique revolutionary chance may appear as in a flash of lightning. So that when that narrow gate opens, you pounce without a moment’s hesitation. In the meantime, by all means, enjoy the diversion of the theory’s lines and moves, but if you are to avoid becoming its tool you must ever have in mind to shatter the system of mirrors and confront the dwarf that has been pulling the strings all along. Faced with this ugly little creature behind all the lines of play you’ve enjoyed and suffered, able at last to read the lines of its face and the dark of its eyes, as time stands still and the entirety of the past falls to you, you will have to make a deeply ethical decision that nothing in all the games before could prepare you for. The only decision that truly matters.”

//// //// //// ////

Artemy Burakh: Any Choice is Right as long as it’s Willed.

//// //// /// ////

Hansel and Gretel are alive and well And they're living in Berlin She is a cocktail waitress He had a part in a Fassbinder film And they sit around at night now Drinking schnapps and gin And she says: Hansel, you're really bringing me down And he says: Gretel, you can really be a bitch He says: I've wasted my life on our stupid legend When my one and only love Was the wicked witch

She said: what is history? And he said: history is an angel being blown backwards into the future He said: history is a pile of debris And the angel wants to go back and fix things To repair the things that have been broken But there is a storm blowing from paradise And the storm keeps blowing the angel backwards into the future And this storm, this storm is called progress

xxx

TLDR; pathologics shitty timeline is cool because it fosters a metagame where the imperative is to make history explode in real life.

specific thanx to: every1 included above, my local subversive lit dealers, Whoever gave the talk last ABF about Queer Wanderings in the anti-nazi Underworld, have not stopped carrying those stories with me since. thanks to the Dear Listener, thanks 2 my wife for pragmatic and personal encouragements <3

a personal acknowledgement to the lives and legacies ov the dxʷdəwʔabš (Duwamish) people, past and present, First People ov the Land i currently Occupy, alongside the entire City ov so-called “Seattle.”

#pathologic #pathologic 2 #pathologic 2 spoilers #long post /#patho tag

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icharchivist · 6 years

Note

any idea what your next obsession phase is gonna be? :p

Heya!!

Oh dear :’D Why does it feel like someone who saw me go from one obsession to the next ahah. Thanks for bearing with that ;O

And that’s a very good question. I myself can’t really project myself this far, I don’t know what can happen.

Honestly I may have been two fingers away from coming back to ff7 if an info dropped (and we’re not safe of anything yet, i’ve been kinda itching to play it again ever since yesterday) - but hey i’m never safe from suddenly coming back to previous any fandom

As it is the biggest “threats” i can think of are Mass Effect since i’ll play it eventually (and i know myself too well - the moment i said “it’s not exactly my kind of story” i’ve doomed myself all my long lasting obsession started with just pushing it away because “eh idk i don’t feel it for now”. That’s the reason it took me actual years to start hxh or da after deciding i will start them. Actual. Years. Genuis Icha.) and eventually bnha since i still hadn’t picked it back up and it’s likely the next arcs will get me more involved than where I left of.

Then anything can drop anytime. Who knows maybe i’ll finally get to play the final fantasy games I have in my wishlist? (mainly ff13, ff8, ff10 and ff15) or better, those i have on my computer? (im so sorry ff9 i will play u one day). Or hell, actually getting into KH more than I do yet? (because i do have some of the games it’s just that I can’t play the ps2′s KH1 bc of my parents, and i’ve been pushing off finishing days (because yes i played 3/4 of days without having played any other KH before i’m a genuis) and then aybe start bbs or ddd, which i own.). Or the Zelda’s games that, again, I own but have been pushing off playing because I was too lazy? or even some random FF games i don’t care about but own because i found them at 2€ each in occasion shops? (which btw is also the reason why i have those KH games i mentioned, i’m reasonable) Or actually finishing my current Pokemon X game?)

And knowing all of that, would an obsession kick in for any of those medias i’ve been pushing off and refusing to play for so long?

I’ve been planning for years now to actually re-read some Clamp’s manga (mainly Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle, xxxHolic and Card Captor Sakura) but i’ve been lazy about reading anything. I used to be obsessed with those so if i try them again the obsession may kick in again.

I still need to read/watch YYH. (ten bucks i’ll be obsessed over Kurama I know myself too well. or Hiei. Likely both.). I should definitly maybe check what the hell happened in Haikyuu since i dropped it.

And I have sooo many things i told myself i’ll need to read/watch eventually (mp100, one punch man, aggretsuko, violet evergarden, and others i forget about) - but do I watch them? Nooo i rewatch the same episodes of b99 over and over again.

And that’s not even counting things that i don’t know about yet that may fall on me randomly out of the blue and makes me go “yknow what I wanna try it” and suddenly take over my life.

Life is full of surprise that way. I’m sure my new obsession will be a surprise worthy of making everyone groans because “seriously Icha? seriously?”.

the ultimate irony would be that the next obsession will be absolutly none of those things and will be something I’ve never mentioned before and it will suddenly take over my life. This is regularly how my obsession starts.

So I guess it’s all the bets for the next one. Will it be DGM while kicking back with its new chapter? or another story that will just suddenly bring me back into feeling for it again? or one of the story i’ve been planning to read/watch/play but didn’t find the time? Or something Completely New?

The bets are up ;O

thank you for bearing with this mess ahah ;O

Take care!!!

#Anonymous #ichareply

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sloblesbian · 6 years

Text

been doing a new years resolution & reflection post every year since 2014 so im gonna continue that trend.

personally this was a really great year for me. it’s very weird. things are objectively bad. if you think too much about the future things start to fall apart. there isn’t anything to rely on, outside of my own ability, and that’s limited in what i can do without support. but. it’s not hopeless. i dream a lot of finally graduating and getting a job that will keep me more than just barely afloat, and of what that could mean for me... i won’t graduate for at least 2 year (i need 56 more credits-- i think after 2 years i’ll have 2 more classes to get in, unless i manage either some summer courses or 2 semesters of 5 classes, both of which are unlikely) and even then i know finding a job is hard. theoretically i could start now but i find it difficult to work 30 hours a week and go to school. i’m also afraid that i might make less at an entry level job than at my current job... but maybe this summer i will apply at some bookstores & libraries.

also... i really love my girlfriend. she’s coming to stay with me for 2 weeks in march and i am so excited. it’s been a good year for us. every day i talk to her and she really understands and like, gets me you know? i am amazed and i fall in love some more.

also i accomplished a ton in 2017. maybe not the things i set out to (i finished 1 sock that i started last november, lol, and the only short stories i read were a few online and for school) but i transferred to RIC. i only took 2 classes because i couldnt register till june but i got As in both of them and my gpa is a 4.0 which has never happened in my LIFE. i’m excited about the classes i’m starting this month, and after i finish spanish & anthropology i should only have english classes from then on out. i wouldn’t say i love my current job but it’s miles better than working in retail. it’s less stressful and while i’m generally working less hours i am making a little bit more. it feels necessary & helpful as opposed to being in an endless capitalism machine that only exists to grind me down for unreasonable standards.

but i did read 100 books which was real touch & go for a while.. the first couple months of 2017 i barely read & felt like i had lost my ability to plow thru a ton of books, then the middle of the year i caught up & jumped ahead... fell behind, etc. i finished my last book on the 28th though. i read a lot of comics; my page count for this year is way down, but it doesn’t matter. that’s still damn impressive.

and for things i didn’t plan at all but still accomplished: i wrote 4 pieces of fiction this year. i mean. they’re all fanfiction, which isn’t really something i even read never mind write, which i think is maybe??? sort of even more impressive? i’m going to try and write some original stuff in the coming year but like. right after nanowrimo, my friends and i, who were previously in the fictional coalition of writers who don’t write, uh, all started writing. which is great. but i mean. i started writing in february? march? i wrote a 10k word fic, and then a short follow up, a short pjo thing, and i wrote another 6000 words this month but it’s not on ao3 cause it’s like... a complementary piece to something that isn’t finished yet, lol. overall about 20k words which isn’t too much in the long run but i like that i wrote 4 completed pieces. it’s nice because i had sort of let myself give up on writing because... i mostly don’t enjoy it. i don’t like scrounging for ideas. but i do like planning things out enough, outlining what i want to happen, and then writing the whole thing. it’s like writing a list and then accomplishing it which... as u know, i love. as far as i can tell uhh most people don’t need to do this. i really have to know like. the end trajectory of a piece before i start writing. i don’t have to know every detail but if i am confused to where it’s going i can’t write it. i’m not great at ideas but i am good at making things happen. it feels nice to accomplish something creative, when i basically haven’t since i uhhh dropped out of art school.

also, i wrote 47 reviews, which, damn! i (read: my bff & roommate mags) put up a new website, even if it is going to come down this month (i think. i wanna transfer everything first) and i wrote a review nearly every week and a lot of them were good. like. that’s a lot of writing, between fiction & what have u, what category do my dumb reviews fall under.

(FOOD/DIET warning i dont wanna put it in the tags of the post just skip this paragraph) oh also i cut dairy & eggs (& also gelatin & honey, i guess) out of my diet, & i feel very very good about it (also i think i lost something like 20 lbs-- i don’t weigh myself but uhhh thats good thats very good). when i stopped eating meat in 2010 i lived with my mom & my intention was to one day go vegan but like... i didn’t want to put the strain on her & also i sometimes struggle with food things. but it’s gone really well. it’s nice. feel good. love to cook. very good at it.

so like...... a really good year for me. here’s what i want out of 2018

i’m cutting my reading goal down specifically because i don’t think it’s something that can grow exponentially and i think the main reason i was able to accomplish it was because i didn’t have too much school this year. when i started setting goals for myself in 2012 my original goal was 50 books; that’s what we’re going back to.

every year (except 2016 when i was realistic) i told myself i would read more short stories & knit more. i’m hoping that having less to read (which i prioritize over all other hobbies) will give me more time. also i have a desk & a chair set up which... idk... helps? i put some knitting stuff there & grafted the toe of a sock the other day, so i hope it does, at least. i read a short story yesterday so i hope that’s a portent for 2018. i want to finish the time travelers almanac at least. i have a lot of collections and i do enjoy them. it’s just easier to get through novels than anything else.

if u follow my twitter you have probably heard me say this but: 2018 is the year of the video game for me. im, uh, terrible at games- im fairly certain i have dyspraxia, at least mildly (im wildly, wildly uncoordinated)- but for a while i was playing a few because i had done it enough that i had gotten better..... well, this year i played persona 5, which i really loved like. more than any video game in a long time. i know a lot of people were disappointed with aspects of it (rightly so) but i had never played another persona game so i think that probably shaped my opinion some, and also, i think p5 dealt with issues that i really love to see in fiction & generally don’t, even if it ultimately dropped the ball. anyway. it kind of revitalized my interest, and i want to play more. i have p4 that i want to get through. i never finished usum. i have a bunch of games on steam & mags let me sign into their steam library too & they have about 400 games (thats not an exaggeration). i wanna replay me2&3 for sid. i want to practice so i can play games that are more difficult than i usually do. (mass effect being the sole fps i can play, usually i can only play very linear rpgs (think pokemon & dragon age) and uhhh puzzle games, god i love puzzle games)

so, more concretely:

read 50 books

try to read more short stories

knit more

play video games

do well in school

that sounds good. happy new year.

#year in review #diary tag #long post

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grayclouds · 6 years

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Top 10 Fav Characters

@neurotrophicfactors this nerd tagged me so it’s my turn to gush about my fav characters (with some gifs ayyy). also i’ll stick to 1 character per series otherwise i won’t be able to decide for shit lmao

1) Teresa (Claymore): the baddest bitch in all of anime, you can rip this character from my cold dead hands. claymore was one of the first anime i watched and i knew from the moment teresa badassed her way onto the screen that it was love at first sight, she doesn’t even show up that much but she left such a huge impact on me back in the day that every time i see her i feel blessed honestly

2) Michiko Malandro (Michiko to Hatchin): a very close second, honestly nostalgia for claymore is the only reason Michiko isn’t #1 because oh my god, she is such a great character, she’s like the perfect foil to teresa bc where teresa is just... a goddess, michiko is very human and flawed and i love her for it, they should probably be shared #1 but i got a list to fill, soooo

3) The Golden Trio (Harry Potter): listen, these kids are savages and rebels and you’re damn right i am not going to pick one over the other bc their friendship is ICONIC and i know better than to split them apart dammit, i love all three of them they were literally my childhood/teen years

4) Youko (The Twelve Kingdoms): also from one of the earliest animes i’ve watched, youko is probably the most well-developed and complex character on this list. the character growth she goes through is that good. oh yeah and she is also a badass. eventually. Twelve Kingdoms is basically her journey into becoming an enormous badass.

5) Garrus Vakarian (Mass Effect): do i really need to explain this one. the best video game bro/alien boyfriend you could ever ask for, like when i was playing ME:A and i found the Archangel skin for the Nomad i nearly burst into tears i miss my boy so much

6) Roronoa Zoro (One Piece): hello, did anyone ask for an idiot with a sword in his mouth who is stupidly strong if only he could actually fucking remember what left and right means, also he will NEVER let anyone get in the way of His Dream (unless you’re his friend in which case He Will Die For You), so anyway

7) Sakata Gintoki (Gintama): i love this stupid asshole

8) Morgiana (Magi): protect her at all costs so she can continue to wreck fools with her bare hands, like sorry Sinbad you’re cool and all but can you break a man’s skull with your pinky?? whatever you probably can the point is you’ll never do it as good as Morgiana because she is a pure cinnamon bun who deserves the entire world

9) Saber (Fate/Zero): SHE IS SO GOOD AND TRYING HER BEST SO HARD, I LOVE HER!! JUST LET HER BE THE QUEEN HERO SHE DESERVES TO BE!!! WOMEN WITH SWORDS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

10) Morrigan (Dragon Age): look i think my fav type of character is pretty clear by now (you must be a Badass apparently) and honestly i would 11/10 let Morrigan insult me anytime, not gonna lie that god-baby shit was weird tho which is why she’s at #10

wow this basically turned into an anime list. what can i say i used to love the japanese cartoons during some very formative years. sooo in return im gonna tag @pornosophical @trinketchick @ramabear @junecsea @voldemrt @piskierust and whoever else wants to take a shot at this

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johnnythirteenguns · 6 years

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just seen justice league (this isnt spoiler free at all)

also went to thor: ragnarok for the third time to wash the taste out.

so i went to go see it for miller, momoa, and mera in that order. i was super impressed with mera. i thought they were gonna go the like easy way and give her an Accent like the amazons, but they didnt. even though her cadence was different like idk man i know very little about dc but i picked up a one-shot earlier this year where mera neatly beats the fuck out of the justice league on her own and she’s a semi-jerk who kind of hates surface dwellers and you know what for the thirty seconds we had her onscreen i believed it and she was powerful and felt like a character with backstory and i COMPLETELY didnt hear what aquaman was saying i just heard her side of the conversation

man ben affleck really doesnt wanna be here huh anyway we should recast him at the earliest convenience

also why was batman 90% CGI like fine i get it no one can be a gymnast in a 50 lb rubber suit but like every single one of his moves that required any bending had to have been cgi

speaking of which the cgi isnt like bad in and of itself it’s just typical like it’s the cgi youre used to seeing. it doesnt blend seamlessly into anything and the characters dont blend seamlessly into it. the cornfield looks fake as can fucking be and i dont really know why? what else there was another fucking weird cgi moment. anyway, steppenwolf is ugly as sin and has no emotion and is all one color and is??? generally weird looking

speaking of which. he is not frightening at all. the New Gods isnt something casual dc fans are gonna be familiar with (i am barely familiar with it) and like? apparently, darkseid was supposed to have scenes in this but didnt? anyway go see thor ragnarok which features 1) a horned villain that is legitimately terrifying and powerful, that you fully believe can do the things she does, and who is beautifully designed and 2) features glow-y eyed masses of disposable soldiers that are cool but goofy and dont take themselves too seriously but were still frightening and made for thrilling fights because you believed they could actually pose a threat to the characters they were attacking

the beginning... uh i think like three scenes of the film looked pretty good, but they looked like cutscenes. very GOOD cutscenes, but honestly... if i wanted it to look like this id have played... a video game. like, i want it to look like a real place even if it’s heavily stylized. uh but the first showdown where batman is luring a parademon out looks beautiful if fake as shit. the scene with wondy in the bank (which features a group of girls from an all-girls school... at a bank?) and terrorists wearing cheap pinstripe suits (like, this is fine! it’s nonsensical and stupid but fine it’s a comic book movie) was kind of cool because for once i felt like... maybe diana was a creative person who goes in wit ha strategy? like picking the dude up with the lasso and holding him up was fun i was like oh!!! thats not something a typical movie would do! it was the first time she felt like Wonder Woman to me (ive seen the wondy movie itself, it was... eh). uh and idk what was up with the standing on the scales of justice or whatever idk the hilarity of gal gadot on that statue which sits on top of a bank like. it was funny.

hey question what the uh... fuck was the “what are you” “a believer” line about it made zero sense in context at all

dont quote me on the order of scenes i dont remember fuck all of this movie in order because literally, the pacing was so weird. so... it was very obvious there were parts missing from the movie. not like, cuts made where you could be like oh there was something there or maybe there'll be a deleted scene no like you Knew there was stuff that was necessary that was gone. the football scenes with victor from the trailers were gone!!! i think the movie was trying to set up a really strong friendship with wonder woman and cyborg but it never really went anywhere? and i suspect because it all got cut! and i dont understand why because ray did a really good job and he sold cyborg to me so well i loved his take!

also... i dont know if theyre saving it for the aquaman movie next year but did Arthur get a bunch of his stuff cut too? because i like jason momoa, and i like his arthur and so im sort of torn because, like, he didnt have much to do. like, he has the bit where he sits on wonder woman’s lasso of thruth and tells them all this stuff but you dont know enough about him for any of it to land? but i really wanted to know more (at some point i did give up on, this was a very passive viewing experience). my friend was saying that like literally why did they try to make arthur so Cool he’s already jason momoa he is by default cool now you can do whatever you want with him we’re all going to love him.

speaking of the lasso scene... was the entire last half of the movie re-writen and re-shot by whedon because like? the lasso scene is a whedon. the bit at the end where wondy goes “children. i work with children” is a whedon (THERE’S NO REASON FOR HER TO SAY THIS? I THINK THIS WHEN SHE HAS TWO TEAM MEMBERS LIKE LAYING ON THE GROUND AFTER NEARLY BEING BLON UP? IT WAS FUCKING WEIRD). i genuinely cant tell if all of barry’s dialogue was written by whedon or if that was ezra improvising but uh... man he’s... he needs to practice if that’s hm. if it’s just whedon i mean fine but he also doesnt have the shitty RDJ quality thats let’s him say those lines with believability.

speaking of which, going to see barry was my priority because apparently im gay for miller rn so like. uh. man he wasnt funny like there were a couple parts where he was cute and the line landed and it was fine but generally he just... wasnt funny? because the movie wasnt funny? like... idk man ezra really acting his heart out and ive said like cool i wanna follow his career and see if he does good stuff and gets even better at his stupid art but maybe he peaked with credence barebone i dont know. the first scene where we meet barry, with the flash pad and the pizza, that was good, that was funny. the bit at the prison was good. he has very soft eyes and thats nice. the panic attack is cute in the clip and the beginning like rhrgrh moment he has is good but then idk the pacing falls apart again

why is his character like this? i just dont think ezra’s... funny enough yet. (tbh i think he takes it too seriously even if he’s trying to be light-hearted man sometimes jokes is just jokes). there’s a bit where theyre digging up superman’s body and it’s JUST HIM AND CYBORG FOR UH? SOME REASON? maybe they explained why they sent the two babies but i didnt hear it and it’s literally just them two. and he tries to fistbump victor but vic is like “no” and tbh barry is annoying? like maybe u think he’s cute and an audience member but he’s uh... you can tell he’s annoying in the story and anyway then the flash says “right, racially charged” ABOUT A FISTBUMP? WHICH? LITERALLY MADE NO SENSE? WAS THIS LINE IMPROVISED? WAS IT WRITTEN? IM GONNA PUT MONEY ON IMPROVISED BECAUSE HE IS EXACTLY THAT KIND OF STUPID BITCH

if they were breaking into the lab why even bother going through the front door? barry drives the thing in (theyre trying to smuggle superman’s body into star labs) disguised a soldier (the literally most unconvincing thing, not to me as an audience member, because it was cute and funny to me,, but that a guy with THAT FACE is military like yeah sure, why did that guard believe him) but then they get to like the normal ass parking inside and the other three are standing there in full costume in full grey DC-brand daylight? are you telling me between 5/6ths of the justice league they couldnt sneak in a fucking pine box when wonder woman can lift a fucking tank on her own? like.

speaking of which uh.... superman is stupidly overpowered. like i said i read an issue of JL where mera hands every one of the justice league members their own gently roasted ass in hand on her fucking own. diana regularly kicks superman in the head. why was she not able to take him down? when theyre fighting steppenwolf for real it’s not until superman shows up that they even have a real fighting chance. they dont fight as team, they dont even fight as people casually unified in a common cause. theyre playing high-stakes legos and cyborg gets pulled away from them like three times?? and it gets fucking annoying? and then supes shows up and literally wipes the floor with him. it is so completely bizarre and stupid.

here’s a problem i still have with wonder woman: why is she so thin? the other amazons (except Hippolyta and maybe one other one) look built as FUCK? LIKE THESE WOMEN COULD EASILY TOSS ME ACROSS THE ROOM. wonder woman has serious fucking arms, where are they

also those amazon bikinis were bad. the whole styling of this movie is bad, but especially the amazons. everything is red and gold, for some reasons? the outfits dont looks heavy like armor, they look heavy like bullshit material. there is no reason for the fucking bikinis. the gold cloak hippolyta wears is??? heavy and looks like? like drapes like window dressing like thats the weight of it. additionally, there is no reason for their hair to be SO STYLED. it’s really like prom night hair it’s like shiny and muss free and always loose and in perfect clearly salon-styled curls. also, why are they so heavily made up? it’s really prominent. wondy herself has the same issue going on, she looks much more heavily made up (why is everyone’s blush so PINK, like it's distracting, is this a side effect of the recoloring process) and her hair isnt loose and doing its thing like in BVS or Wonder Woman it’s like... idk she looks really. Pretty when she’s on the field and it makes no sense.

the amazon fighting style is still ugly and makes no sense ive never seen such a wasteful fighting style it made sense exactly once during Wonder Woman

why is themyscira entirely the ugliest cgi i have ever fucking scene

why does the camera INSIST ON MOVING LIKE THAT. the action is super hard to track, the cgi is ugly as fuck (it really cannot be overstated)... i made it to about... i want to say when theyre on the way to the big fight and then the combined everything gave me a heaache that o had for the rest of the movie

i mentioned earlier that the pacing is weird the transitions are also weird. you get cuts to and from places that never fade into each other, it’s always a hard jump cut but it’s never the right cut to make? like, in thor ragnarok for example, there are a bunch of scene changes that happen via the bifrost, via people going through doors. there are wide shots that jump to wide shots in other places, so youre not suddenly on a close-up. there are a lot of people emerging from something into view, and there are a lof of people being alone in the center of the frame. it’s a very smooth and easy to watch movie. JL is the opposite of this in every way. I SUSPECT. AGAIN. THAT WHILE THIS WOULDNT HAVE BEEN FIXED ENTIRELY. THAT THOSE EXTRA TWENTY MINUTES THAT WERE CUT WERE PROBABLY REALLY IMPORTANT

the lois lane bit where she calms supes down just reminded me of the age of ultron and i quoted “sun’s going down” at my friends who were with me and they shit themselves laughing

ma kent calls lois lane “thirsty” in a Hilarious Teen Humor Gag thanks joss whedon you fucking hack

bruce wayne is fucking useless he could have got barry ANY JOB EVER and like... my god whatever.

also i still dont understand how how voice sounds like that when he’s batmanuh the after after credits scene is setting up, according to my friend, a sinister six movie. deathstroke isnt played by manu bennett so it’s fucking usless thanks for coming to my ted talk

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vsirin · 7 years

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@nickygrimms tagged me to do the 92 truths game so!!! thank u!

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST…

1. Drink: water (thats all i drink tbh)

2. Phone call: it’s been Weeks but probably the library

3. Text message: i texted my sister abt the sims

4. Song you listened to: kiwi by harry styles

5. Time you cried: i was close to crying on sunday but i didnt... i think i cried some time last week about 1) michael and 2) flinthamilton reunion

HAVE YOU EVER…

6. Dated someone twice: ive never dated someone ONCE lol

7. Been cheated on: nope

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: cant regret it if u never do it B)

9. Lost someone special: yea

10. Been depressed: a little bit?

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS

foresty green, yellow (like the van gogh sunflower shade of yellow), and maroon

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15. Made new friends: yep!!

16. Fallen out of love: no

17. Laughed until you cried: yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you: idt so?

19. Met someone who changed you: yes i think every friend changes my life bc im so grateful to have friends

20. Found out who your true friends are: yes

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i have 2 fb friends and no i have not kissed either of them

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life? 1 (hey thats half of them though!)

23. Do you have any pets?: yea 3 dogs

24. Do you want to change your name?: yeaaah it’s a Struggle bc i dont like it but its my Name and i feel stupid trying to go by smth else? idk :/

25. What did you do for your last birthday? ummmm i went to a used bookstore and treated myself to half of inxs’s albums.. then i think i got taco bell for lunch? and ate spaghetti for dinner. AND played mass effect andromeda for the first time

26. What time did you wake up? YIKES today is a bad day to ask lol i think i wasnt up until 12:45 or later...

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? drivin home :// rip

28. Name something you cannot wait for: like in the big scheme of things, i cant wait to learn the Skills necessary for my dream job so i can make video games for a living

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: i see her right now

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i mean there are things i wish were different but more in a “i’ll accomplish these things one day” and not just “i want to change this now” ??? idk

31. What are you listening to right now: a compilation of kirk pengilly’s sax solos

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: 1) the fact i have to pee and im not getting up to go and 2) i need to draw and i WANT to draw and yet...

34. Most visited website: probably twitter bc i always go on there n talk

35. Elementary: yes

36. High school: yes

37. College/university: no... bc of $$$

38. Hair color: brown

39. Long hair or short: it’s like shoulder length rn but i want it long again so

40. Do you have a crush on someone: not IRL

41. What do you like about yourself: physically i love my nose which i used to hate a LOT but not anymore, i like my eyes and how many freckles i have, and then not-physically i like that i’m a nice and soft person and i’m emotional and sensitive and i think thats nice plus i think i have Cool taste in movies and music and things

42. Piercings: no i am so scared of needles and it’ll never happen

43. Blood type: how tf should i know

44. Nickname: none rlly? i want a nickname tho someone give me one

45. Relationship status: single but Actually luke arnold is my Boyfrend so

46. Zodiac sign: taurus

47. Pronous: she/her but im not... idk im chill

48. Favorite TV show: black sails!! but i also love battlestar galactica a LOT and chuck is one of my favs too.. i could go on but this only asked for fav and not top 5 lol

49. Tattoos: none bc... im scared of needles.. and i’ll probably never get one lol i’m a weenie

50. Right or left hand: right

FIRST…

51. Surgery: ive never had one

52. Piercings: none

54. Sport: um?? ive never really Done a sport like i’ve never been on a team or anything. but i did a lot of biking and i was a hardcore jump-roper when i was little

55. Vacation: the beach!!

56. Pair of trainers: “what is this asking lol” same nour

57. Eating: im not currently eating anything

58. Drinking: water

59. I’m about to: go through all the tabs i have open RIP

60. Listening to: various inxs songs, i just finished learn to smile and now im listening to we are thrown together

61. Waiting for: hmmm... breakfast tmm... tomorrow in general bc im gonna Do things... my beach vacation later this summer... im always waiting for when i achieve my Ultimate Goal of making video games but that sort of implies im not doing anything abt it and thats not tru

62. Want: some food... some potatoes... i want to start some more hobbies like embroidery, gardening, and yoga maybe?? and i want to be able to do handstands and splits so i wanna do more stretching and what not.. i want lots of things but not in a whiny/im not trying to achieve these goals type of way if that makes sense

63. Get married: i mean maybe... like the concept is cute... when i look at my Favs (read: luke) i’m like “yeah i would marry them in a heartbeat” but irl i just dont know we’ll see.. im a Romantic type of person (despite being aromantic lol) but for me i need just a Soul Connection w/ someone and if it’s not in a marriage type of way then thats okay? idk man

64. Career: oh i know this one!!! video game programmer!!!

YOUR TYPE…

65. Hugs or kisses: ???? how can i answer this??? if i loved someone i would want hugs AND kisses?? but yeah hugs probably

66. Lips or eyes: ugh this is so hard i dont know??? bc w/ ppl i like i always appreciate all their features so much... i dont know which i prefer.. but to answer the question i guess i’ll go w/ eyes

67. Taller or shorter: taller

68. Older or younger: older than me or at least born the same year idk im always younger than my friends and it’s weird to be older than ppl

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: stomach... i like a soft tummy but like idk arms are just arms yknow...

71. Sensitive or loud: 100% sensitive

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hm... i would say hesitant bc i am but then i dont know, balance /is/ key right... can i just say like “reasonable” instead of an extreme lol

HAVE YOUR EVER… (these are all gonna be no’s lol)

74. Kissed a stranger: no

75. Drank hard liquor: no

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no

77. Turned someone down: i mean not really?

78. Sex on the first date: no

79. Broken someone’s heart: no

80. Had your heart broken: every episode of black sails broke my heart so yeah

81. Been arrested: no

82. Cried when someone died: who doesnt cry when someone dies lol yes

83. Fallen for a friend: i dont Know what romantic feelings are so how would i know

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84. Yourself: yep

85. Miracles: yes

86. Love at first sight: like i know it’s not Really but hey why not i think it’s a cute idea ,,, i think u can get Vibes from people and u can be attracted to their vibe yknow

87. Santa Claus: no

88. Kiss on the first date: sure

89. Angels: yes

OTHER…

90. Current best friend’s names: trina & alyssa (and u nour!!)

91. Eye color: blue

92: Favorite movie: jurassic park!!!! bc of bby joe mazzello and it’s just a good movie. and also my fav but in a different way is catch me if you can... and i’m having a hard time not saying the great gatsby too AND rush bc 1) chris hemsworth and 2) race cars!!! and 3) i love niki lauda and daniel bruhl’s accent in it is so good... also one more is snowpiercer, it would be my top fav except that it’s so heavy and i have to be in a super specific vibe to watch it... anyway those are my favs sort of in order

and i’ll tag the same ppl i always tag to do this: @punkrockaries @ageofthesith @fignewmans

#personal #this was lots of fun! thank u for tagging me nour :*

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omanu · 7 years

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i have a few tags to do, so im gonna do them all in one post so i dont keep tagging the same ppl in multiple things idk. dont worry, you dont need to do them if u dont want to ♥

i was tagged by @nashira , the angel ♥

¤ nickname: well, irl is manu, but tbh my name is manu. i have another nickname my family uses, that is budi lol

¤ zodiac sign: sagittarius

¤ height: the best scenario here is 167cm, idk how much that is in ft or whatever lmao

¤ orientation: ….. like everyone

¤ favourite fruit: cantaloupe

¤ favourite season: winter and fall

¤ favourite book: i dont think i have one, but like, the last book i read was fucking amazing everyone should read, it’s gay, it’s a series of three books, and it’s called when women were warriors.

¤ favourite flower: all of them? i love flowers in general

¤ favourite scent: RAIN, and ngl the scent of matches

¤ favourite animal: dogs and cats

¤ favourite colour: light colors and also black and blue

¤ coffee, tea or hot cocoa: hot cocoa

¤ average sleep hours: well now i sleep a lot i would say 8-12

¤ cat or dogs: BOTH

¤ n° of blankets: just one

¤ dream trip: ANY GOOD BEACH

¤ blog created: idr well, but 2015? or maybe late 2014. but ive been on tumblr since 2009/2010 lol

¤ favourite song: ……..dude idk rn is any song of bts, but on my last fm it’s probably a song by adam, the love of my life. and i love too many songs so i cant just write them all

Rules: Use the first letter of your name to answer each question. Real answers only. If the person who tagged you has the same initial, you must give different answers. You cannot use the same word twice. Once you enter your answers, tag 10 other people! i was tagged by @superunknwn , another angel ♥

Your name: Manu

A four letter word: mole *looks at nashira and sara* A boy’s name: … Manu An occupation: Musician Something you can wear: mittens A place: McDonald's A reason for being late: … idk … Moving? Medical matter? idk i used two words but they both begin with the letter m lol Something you shout: mYLES A movie title: Moana Something you drink: Martini An animal: Monkey A type of car: Mercedes Song title: Ma City by bts lol i was just singing this

i was tagged by @bensun a looooong time ago sorry, but i too love doing these so why not. this one is similar to the first tag game, but im doing it anyway

Answer the questions and tag 20 followers you would like to get to know better! —————– Name: Manu

Nicknames: budi. i want new nicknames tbh, cute ones.

Zodiac Sign: sagittarius

Height: 167cm

Orientation: same, i like all genders but the s*x part is……. uh, idrl

Ethnicity: native brazilian (indigenous) (wow i just saw this on the internet and im using it), mixed with whi*te some time in the past. i would know better if whi*es hadnt done that

Favorite Fruit: Probably blueberries or just berries in general and I loooove smoothies …. with any fruit to be honest

Favorite Season: Fall and winter

Favorite Book: to mention another one im reading the third book of the vampire chronicles, i love the second one, i love lestat

Favorite Flowers: yeah i like flowers, but idrn their names, i just love it

Favorite Color: light colors, but also black and blue again

Favorite Animal: dogs and cats

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: hot chocolate

Average Sleep Hours: 8-12 ay

Cat or Dog Person: BOTh

Favorite Fictional Character: MIDNIGHTER

Number of Blankets I sleep with: just one

Ideal trip: beach!!

Blog Created: 2015 ig

dear @superunknwn tagged me on this a looooooooooooooong ass time ago, sorry ily (actually she didnt tagged me but i wanted to do this so i just saved on my drafts)  Rules:  1. go to this site: https://www.random.org/lists/ 2. Pick 15 of your favorite characters or favorite people from your fandoms and list them 3. Tag at least 5 people 4. Have fun with it!  —  1. Mom/dad: Apollo!!!!!!!!!! yes!!!!! 2. Your sibling: jim halpert lmaoo thats fine 3. Your grandma/grandpa: michael jackson 4. Haunts you: park seo joon 5. Your boyfriend/girlfriend: adam lambert (ok…. i would prefer jhope but ok) 6. Your ex: taystee hdsfkhfdksjh 7. Your best friend: MIDNIGHTER 8. Proposed to you: MYLES KENNEDY DHJKSHFDF 9. Your boss: slash….. thats not ideal but glad that i know him 10. The random person you met at the bar: lestat fdkslsd friend 11. Your rival: seo in guk NOOOOO he is my bf wtf 12. Gave you your first kiss: rothen skljkld 13. Drunk and singing karaoke with: lzzy hale my love 14. Played 7 minutes in heaven with: JHOPE DFHKFSDJKSFHKJSD 15. Gave you your favorite dessert: chris traeger, my favorite dessert is not raisins

tbh im not gonna tag ppl anymore, ive already tagged everybody, yall just can do it

@lionesslindsey tagged me on this a looong time ago too, no surprise

RULES: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. (but that’s so many D: I’m too awkward for so many) (relatable lmao) Tagging: everyone i tagged on this long ass post Whoever wants to do this though, go ahead!

1. coke or pepsi: i dont drink soda heh 2. disney or dreamworks: I love them both, but my absolute fav movie is The Lion King. lindsey i just copied ur answer bc BITCH ME TOO, just addin Mulan here 3. coffee or tea: i dont like coffee and i never really wanted to try tea lmao 4. books or movies: Both!!!!! 5. windows or mac: only tried windows 6. dc or marvel: DC pls 7. xbox or playstation: even though i dont have and console, i like ps better 8. dragon age or mass effect: never played. dont have a console lmao 9. night owl or early riser: if those are video games…. never played i dont have a console 10. cards or chess: cards! 11. chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate 12. vans or converse: converse, never owned vans bc im poor af, so i would probably like both 13. lavellan, trevelyan, cadash, or adaar: have no idea what those are 14. fluff or angst: fluff pls 15. beach or forest: beach!!!!!!! 16. dogs or cats: BOTH 17. clear skies or rain: BOTH 18. cooking or eating out: it depends on my mood tbh 19. Spicy food or mild food: both 20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: what 21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: a little too cold 22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be: stop time 23. animation or live action: animations 24. paragon or renegade: what 25. baths or showers: baths, even though i dont own a bathtub 26. team cap or team ironman: Iron Man 27. fantasy or sci-fi: Fantasy 28. do you have three or four favourite quotes? not really 29. youtube or netflix: youtube 30. harry potter or percy jackson: hp, but pj was pretty awesome and diverse than hp.... actually I think I only like hp more bc of the movies, but pj... is very awesome too idk 31. when you feel accomplished: 6. dc or marvel: when i finish a drawing 32. star wars or star trek: star wars 33. paperback books or hardback books: as long as i have books 34. horror or rom-com: yikes rom-com 35. to live in a world without literature or music: death 36. pastel colours or dark colours: i love both!!!!!! 37. tv shows or movies: bitch everything is both here 38. city or countryside: city, but i too love contryside 39. if any other zodiac sign could describe you, what would it be: i have no idea 40. if you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life what would it be: dont ask me that omg 41. cinema or theatre: cinema 42. if you could be any fictional character’s best friend, who’d you be: midnigher’s 43. smiling or smirking: slut for both 44. are you an ‘all or nothing’ type or are you more consistent: i dont do anything so idk dude 45. playlists or your whole library on shuffle: shuffle 46. travelling or staying at home: traveling, but i would love staying at my own home 47. books or fanfiction: Both 48. If you could live in a fantasy world, what world would it be: huh, i had never thought about this, i cant answer now. but probably i would choose to live in one of my daydreaming shit 49. your favorite cartoon: idk i live irmão do jorel, a brazilian cartoon 50. name the weirdest five songs on your itunes, current or past: bruh im dont know 51. mountains or plains: both! 52. favorite anime (or tv show if you don’t watch anime): YURI ON ICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 53. which social media platform are you most like yourself on: Tumblr AND youtube 54. What are some of your passions: music 56. If you have a pet, do they do anything interesting/weird (like a cat that plays fetch, a bird that can say funny things, etc)? : not really. my cat sleeps funny sometimes hsajkdhas

#honestly #i have so many tag games to do........ i forget about them.#pls dont get mad when u tag me on something and i end up not doing it #i just forget and i probably love you #also #if we are mutuals. you can tag me anytime

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bhadpodcast · 7 years

Text

A’s For Your Q’s!

Anonymous said to bhadpodcast:Im really curious to know why you strongly believe Tyler Hoechlin is gay? I can kind of see it but not as much as others and was wondering if you could explain the reasonings behind it. Do you see him as being truly gay or bisexual? Thanks really have just been wanting to know your thoughts! I hope I dont sound defensive or negative Im really just curious! Okay, gonna do a digest of a bunch of the asks here!

Anonymous said to bhadpodcast: While Hoechlin's open, unashamed and giant boycrush on Dylan as a person and as an actor and his constant staring at Dylan like he hung the moon and stars is super adorable and undeniable, he doesn't really strike me as a homosexual person. As far as my intuition and personal experience go there's little to no doubt Hoechlin is straight, but it's also absolutely impossible to deny the special, unique bond he shares with Dylan in real life or the intense chemistry they have on and off screen. So yeah, I genuinely believe Tyler Hoechlin has always been attracted to women and never really questioned his sexuality or even felt the need to... until he met Dylan O'Brien.

A lot of people hold that theory too. It is possible to just fall in love with a person. I’m of two frames of thought: 1) he never thought about gay, but Dylan awoke the possibility in his head and now he’s all “what other cars don’t have tops!?”, or 2) he knew all along, but Dylan is what made him cave into admitting it, but also what made him turtle shell when faced with the reality of a public relationship.

greyhoundsgirl said to bhadpodcast:I can’t even remember what started this but I’m guessing it has to do with Hoechlin and honestly with the trajectory his career is taking, it would only benefit him to come out, imo.-oh I'd love to hear how, not to keep the gay in HW discussion going but specifically to Hoechs cos I'm so curious about what he wants that trajectory to be vs what maybe it should be? I'm glad your surgery went well, too 😃

Anonymous said to bhadpodcast:Hoechlin and honestly with the trajectory his career is taking, it would only benefit him to come out, imo./why? could you elaborate? I'm not a Hoechs stan (I just drool at him), I'm asking 'cause I know nothing about HW and I'm not sure why you say this. I don't even wanna start wank, I'm actually kinda tired of the bouts of Hoechs drama here lol. I understand if you don't wanna get into it, but I'd appreciate your insight Sticky :)

Anonymous said to bhadpodcast:But there’s a very real atmosphere that tells young actors that being gay is career death but it’s really not//we know of many high profile roles where the "out" actor wasn't cast. Even if the public would accept a gay man playing Captain America, the real problem is that they wouldn't be cast by the conservative movie companies. For all the actors that are liberal, HW is still very conservative on the money side. Young actors not coming out doesn't surprise me, it's the famous ones that should.

guilleobsessions said to bhadpodcast:Someone said the cause Hoech hasn't come out was more complicated than him being in HW. I agree. If he is anything other than straight (according to my theory he isn't as straight as he wants us to believe) at this point he just uses HW life as an excuse, to not recognise that he is just afraid of stepping out of a world he created for himself, based on believes and ideals about how things should be. His need to please everyone it's just pulling him down... This is how I see it, of course.

Okay, so I want to clarify a few things before I get started with this.

When I say the concept of homophobia in Hollywood is based on a myth, I’m not saying that homophobia in Hollywood deosn’t exist. Of COURSE it does, but as with all things, $$$ money trumps all.

Because we are getting more diverse ways to access and distribute media, the people who produce it are also coming from a more diverse pool. It’s why shows like Blackish and Empire thrive, Fresh off the Boat and really all of the Tyler Perry programming. New demographics are being shown to be lucrative and more entertainment outlets are starting to cater to them.

My friend and I were talking about how disappointing LOGO has become. The fact that Logo hasn’t become Lifetime for Homosexuals is shocking. Prooduce some original gay films that have a campy and schlock factor with lots of ugly crying and they would be my destination every Saturday morning for the rest of my llfe.

When Colton came to Hollywood things like this weren’t an option. So he was told to stay closeted so it wouldn’t hurt his career. He was told being gay was career suicide and manipulated into being closeted until it almost freaking killed him.

Noah Galvin came on the scene a decade later where possibilities and opportunities were starting to open up and being gay didn’t automatically make you a pariah. But he doesn’t understand Colton’s generation and therefore he criticized it. The thing is that more and more actors are coming out and are creating their own opportunities. Meaning on a network level you can be a gay working actor and not have your personal life effect your HW career. You can even go out with your significant other and most people aren’t the wiser.

The myth lies in with people like Cody Saint Gnue who G4P, and are caught up in this web of producers and execs who thrive on the fear of being a pariah when they’re not the only avenues anymore.

Now, currently this works on a local level. Meaning you can appeal to the liberal masses and maybe score an online or nationwide hit. The international market is another beast entirely.

When I talk about Tyler Hoechlin, I want to be gentle when I say this, I don’t see him as having international superstar potential. I don’t even think that’s what he wants. And with that as a springboard, I think he’s a guy that could come out and just work locally in his little bubble and be perfectly happy the rest of his life. But I think this idea that he’s going to be this huge internationally known on the microphone star informs the image he tries to relay and ends up hurting him in the long run, especially if he lacks the ambition and desire to really go for the top spot.

I get this q once every other month, heh. Honestly if you search Hoechlin Gay on here most of my responses come up.

Here are some silly fun posts:

http://bhadpodcast.tumblr.com/tagged/top-5-gay/chrono

Also, this is mostly unrelated, but I was looking for a post of mine and found these and lol’d so hard

http://malecelebnews.com/2012/08/22/hot-couple-alert-dylan-obrien-and-tyler-hoechlin/

http://www.gaypopbuzz.com/tyler-hoechlin-gay-straight/

Again, nothing to do with anything, but I remembered this and it still make sme laugh:

http://bhadpodcast.tumblr.com/post/152910829257/they-do-and-they-are-suh-srs-lol-like-you-wanna

Umm... what were we talking about? Oh! Uhh... he’s got a ~quality?

Sigh, so even leaving out intuition, there are so many factors that point to it. Relatively isolated childhood with lots of team sports. He went to highschool, but because of acting was often home schooled or tutored. Had a very specific change of style that goes along with discovering yourself, but was a little late to the game because arrested development so we ended up seeing this first hand. Grew up kind of an ugly duckling, understands he’s a beautiful swan and knows how to use that. Has a TON of girl friends and then like.. baseball, actor “team” guy friends. Chunky rings and does his own makeup. The constant bearding. The sheer and obvious avoidance of anything TOO gay. He does this at cons a LOT, JR and Bobo will be nearly making out and Hoechs will be like PASS. He just won’t discuss, or come near it. Then there’s the whole GCC debacle and so much more.

There are just so many things that would lend themselves to him being closeted and I’m sure every single one could be twisted to him being straight, but the fact it’s so debatable is its own form of telling. Do a search for Hoechlin gay or Dylan bi, etc.

Anonymous said to bhadpodcast:My problem is people blaming Hoechlin for "the closet" and not being "honest". I get it, it's an O'Brien stan blog but he's the one with the most promising career. not Hoechlin. Blaming Hoechlin for the "closet situation" is ridiculous. O'Brien doesn't need Hoechlin to be out and proud, but no one seems to expect his coming out and Hoechlin is the messy one to blame. It's a bit easy.

This ask is baffling to me because I’m not entirely sure where you’re coming from. No one is blaming Hoechlin for a “closet situation”, I don’t know what that means.

We’ve had a lot of discussions about Dylan’s sexuality (oh, I still remember a LOVELY convo we had about his more feminine qualities and how they worked in concert with his masculine ones? So good!), but we all pretty much accept that he’s bi and in waiting. He’s with Britt and she knows and is cool and they love each other very much and the Hobriens think that if Hoechlin ever came out, Dylan would go with him and Britt would marry Julia, durr. Otherwise Brylan will get married and have a million kids. Either way we’re happy.

#hoechs in effect #a sticky minute #homo hoechlin #bi dylan #brulia ftw #a's for you q's #everyone's a little gay #it's hollywood!#top 5 gay

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