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#also I haven't started studying for exams so I might start doing that to drown everything out
the---hermit · 5 months
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end of the year book tag 2023
I did this tag last year more or less at this time. This book tag was created by Ariel Bissett over on youtube, and I recently heard her talking about it again in her podcast, which is how I got the inspiration of doing it again this year. As I think I have also mentioned last year when doing this, I tend to be a mood reader so planning my next reads never really works, but it's fun to sit down and reflect a bit on what is coming next into my reading life before the year is over.
Are there any books you started this year that you need to finish?
As I am writing this I have three main books I am in the middle of: Hell Followed With us by Andrew Joseph White, Finn Family Moomintroll by Tove Jansson and Queer: A Graphic History by Meg-John Barker. I have technically also started reading Walden by Thoreau a while back, but I don't have a plan to finish it quickly, it's more one of those books I read a little bit every once in a while when I feel like it, because I want to grasp as much as I can and while I am also taking classes and studying for exams I always struggle a bit with enjoying non-fic on my own.
Do you have an autumnal book to transition into the end of the year?
I am once again doing this tag in the middle of autumn, so idk how much it counts, but I don't think I have a proper autumnal book on my tbr/wishlist. I am still waiting to get the sixth volume of Something Is Killing The Children, which is an horror graphic novel so that might count as a spooky season book. But I don't really wait spooky season to read horror books.
Is there a new release you're still waiting for?
As I mentioned the sixth volume of Something Is Killing The Children has very recently came out here in Italy and I am desperately waiting to find a copy of it. I am also waiting to get Bookstores And Bonedust by Travis Baldree which is coming out at the beginning of November. There are a couple of other 2023 releases I still haven't got my hands on but I don't know yet if I'll get them before the year ends (mainly He Who Drowned The World by Shelly Parker Chan, and The Land Of Lost Things by John Connolly). I am also waiting for the release of the final book in the locked tomb series but I don't think a release date has been set yet? (and regarding that I have yet to decide what I want to do because I would like to get physical copies of the English editions, but it will be a future me problem to solve).
What are three books you want to read before the end of the year?
One of my goals for 2023 is the read all the books I have bought this year, or at least as many as I can. I must say I have been very good with this goal, but I do have a couple of books that have been sitting on my shelf for a while. I don't know if I'll get into the right mood to read them before the year ends but I will add a couple of those to this list. The first one is Nel Buio Della Casa by Fiore Manni and Michele Monteleone. It's an horror novel of the hauted house genre which is one of my favourites but for some reason I haven't picked it up yet. Next is a book I cannot wait to pick up The Ballad Of The Reading Gaol by Oscar Wilde, I love this author and after reading De Profundis earlier this year I have been really intrigued by this poem. Finally I bought a prose edition of The Odyssey and I might end up picking it up before the year ends.
Is there a book you think could still shock you and become your favourite book of the year?
Not really? I expect to love a lot of the books I'd like to read before the end of the year but there's a couple of books I read this year that I doubt can be topped (Gideon The Ninth being at the top of that list alongside The Priory Of The Orange Tree).
Have you already started making reading plans for next year?
I actually have, weirdly enough. I was thinking about goals for next year and I think I will definitely keep the goal of trying to read all/ most of the books I buy during the year. I certainly need to find a way to read more of the books that have been on my shelves for years, so I will have to think of a more structured plan to reach that goal. I am also considering to create a goal to finally complete my Neil Gaiman collection since this year I have read all of the books by him I own. That could be a fun goal I think. Lastly I'd like to try and get as many books as I can second hand. It's not really super easy for me to do, because where I live there are no second hand book stores, and generally what I look for is quite difficult to find in regular shops, but there's a few exceptions, like classics for example are easier to thrift. Again these are more brain dump thoughts than an actual plan, but it's more than what I had last year at this time.
(no pressure) tags: @just-a-cup-of-anxietea, @fluencylevelfrench, @dreamofghosts, @upside-down-uni, @la-galaxie-langblr
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loonamblr · 2 years
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Sunsets and Secrets: Wine
LOONA Kim Lip x reader
taste like a wine
author’s note: Sorry that this story took a while to post. This is much longer than the part 1. I hope you guys will love this also. Thank you everyone for reading my works. I also want to thank my friend who helps and keeps me sane during the time I’m working this lmao. please send me feedbacks i want to know your thoughts about the story :) Stay safe everyone!!
warnings: mentions of alcohols 
Part One
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It's Monday again. The exam will still begin on Wednesday of the particular week, giving the pupils two days to study.
Since you are an exchange student, your routine for this week differs from regular students. And your only schedule for the day is in the afternoon.
You just got out of your bathroom after taking a shower and planning to make some breakfast when you received a text message. The message was from your cousin, Jinsoul, informing you that she is in front of your apartment.
Ever since you were a child, you've been close with Jinsoul. Both of you are constantly in one other's homes, having a blast every day. She even cried so loud when she found out that you'll migrate. Nevertheless, your closeness was not hindered by your distance from one another.
So, seeing your cousin after a long time gives you a mixed feeling. For sure, you are delighted to see her and excited to have a bond together. But you're feeling guilty at the same time, knowing that you had fallen to Jungeun.
You already accept the fact that Jinsol might get mad once she found out about this.
It's just love. A very natural thing in the world. A thing that you cannot control to whom you will fall. You can't hold yourself responsible because, at the time, you fall for Jungeun you weren't aware that she was the girl that Jinsol likes.
You shrug.
I should forget my worries in the meantime and enjoy her visit today, you said.
A body clashed with yours after opening your door.
You smiled, remembering how clingy Jinsol was.
"What's up!?" you greeted her as you guys hugged tightly.
Patting her head while she's still holding you made you chuckle.
"I miss you so much Y/n!" Jinsol greeted you and giggled.
"I miss you too even though you came to see me last year," you replied grinning at her.
After exchanging one final, close hug, the two of you proceed to the living room to catch up on each other's most recent news.
"How was your stay here? I've heard that you visited our house?" Jinsoul starts the conversation.
"Yeah, I visited them, also our grandparents last month. To be honest, they looked like they haven't aged at all. Grandpa is still funny, he even gave me extra money to spend here." you smiled remembering your visit.
"Did he? that's unfair! he didn't give it to me when I visited them before I left Korea," she whined, "..well at least your mom gave me when I went to your house." she said after remembering it, and laughing.
You shook your head at her thinking how silly your topic was.
"Oh, I was surprised that you volunteer to be the exchange student this year, Jinsol." you shared with her.
Your statement brought Jinsol back to the reason for it.
"Uhmm, I thought...maybe for experience?" she is somewhat unsure, "...to be honest I just want to go somewhere far to think, but I can't since we have school." she continues.
Nodding along, and asked her, "To think about what?"
And there, Jinsoul opens her side to you.
"Do you remember Lippie? the one I told you before." You nod as an answer to the question.
Of course, you know her. You knew her from her stories and from Jungeun itself.
That made your thoughts back to reality. The reality between you and Jungeun that Jinsol isn't probably aware of.
You gazed at your cousin who was starting to stare somewhere biting her lip and looking like she was getting drowned in her thoughts
"Well, I questioned myself...whether I'm worthy of her love or her, in general." You can notice the sadness in her tone.
"I feel like I've been enjoying myself being with her, well she seems to enjoy herself with me too but I can't control myself to have negative thoughts."
"She's been too good for me. So perfect to be with me. Then one night, I was left questioning myself."
"Of course, I didn't tell her about it, even one single thought. She doesn't need to know. I'll just become a burden."
By her actions, you can tell that Jinsol is a little bit anxious because she's been fidgeting her fingers.
She cleared her throat and continues her story, "Then suddenly I want to be away here. I want to leave, but as I said, I can't because we are seniors. So, I think my only chance to be away is to accept the program."
You now understand why she suddenly called you to inform you that she accepted a program and will be an exchange student at your school.
"How ironic, I left to think if I am worthy for her, but by leaving her, I just prove that we don't deserve each other. I also left my friends, and I am aware that they were mad at me." she then bitterly chuckled and scratch her temple.
Jinsol laid back on your couch while you still silently observing her.
A moment of silence.
Your gaze met, then she asked, "Have you met them?"
"Uhh yeah...I met them on my first day. It's Yves whom I met first." you shared with her.
"How are they doing?"
"They've been doing well? I guess. They are very saddened by your sudden leaving, especially Jungeun." She nods at this information.
Jinsol is mentally cursing herself and regretting her actions.
"How are you and Jungeung by the way?" you asked since you cannot control yourself being curious.
"We talked last Saturday, and we are cool now. I'm so grateful that she's very understanding." Jinsol smiled a little but still felt guilty, "I wish I were still the one she loves when I came back, but if not, then I'll just move on to make up for my actions. I'm prepared if Jungeun was already moved on."
"She also told me stories about you," Jinsol added which made you slightly nervous. "She told me that you've been taking care of her very much." she looked at you beaming.
"Oh yeah.." you muttered wondering if she told her more than that.
"I think she doesn't know that we're related." you nodded to her agreeing.
"Yeah, It's only Yves who knows it."
"I see," Jinsol muttered and asked another question. Both of you kept catching up on other news. Jinsol is primarily talking about her experience staying in your country.
Soon after, you both decided to enjoy your lunch outside before heading to school.
Jinsol mentioned that she might accompany you to visit her friends and the school.
\
Jungeun was left bothered after that night. Her friends, particularly Jiwoo, have observed that she hasn't been her typical self on Monday morning. She has been noticing that her best friend's mind continues to drift off because Jungeun had been reading the same page for about thirty minutes.
Jiwoo told Yves about this and the latter shrugged at her and said, "Let's wait for lunch to ask her about it." Jiwoo nodded still worrying about Jungeun.
They know this was not about Jinsol's return because Jungeun told them that she and Jinsol were already on good terms. However, Sooyoung speculates that this might be about you. She never heard a single piece of news about you since last Saturday.
\
Lunch break comes, and their circle of friends is eating their meal in the cafeteria. Most of them talk about the coverage of topics for their exams and the things they didn't understand.
On the other hand, Jungeun is being quiet ever since. She will sometimes answer their questions absentmindedly while thinking about something else.
They were concerned since Jungeun had never been so silent. She was still able to connect some of the talks during the time Jinsol left. Her thoughts do occasionally drift, but not all day long, not like this.
Jungeun's phone vibrated in her pocket which made her excuse herself to answer the call.
"Hey Jinsol.." she said in a low tone.
"Hi, Lippie!...Uhm are you with others? Can I join you?" Jinsol asked slightly nervously.
Though she has sent them a message letting them know she was back, Jinsol is still hesitant if meeting them is okay. To her surprise, most of them replied with loving messages, except for Sooyoung who left her message on read.
"wait let me ask them." Jungeun went back to their table and asked the others.
"Guys, Jinsol is asking if it's okay if she joins us today?" she smiled slightly.
The three nodded very instantly. Haseul agrees, saying, "Of course, why not? Also, she owes us an explanation."
"It's fine, Lippie. Where is she by the way? Tell her that we miss her!" Jiwoo said asking for the latter. On the other side, Yves is still upset with Jinsol, but she is aware of how much she also wants to see her.
"Maybe she's on the school grounds." her best friend answered her before putting the phone on her ear, "They said you can come, Sol." there's a hint of excitement laid on her tone.
Jinsol's concern was replaced with enthusiasm and wanting to see them, "Okay! I'll be there. See you!"
"Okay, take care," Jungeun muttered as she end the call.
Jiwoo noticed that the other girl was once more lost in her thoughts. She was about to ask Jungeun but was interrupted by Jinsol's arrival.
"U-uh hi?" Jinsol greeted them hesitantly.
Jinsol is very nervous to meet them again. She knows that she needs to explain a lot of things, starting from her sudden disappearance.
Haseul was surprised a little bit but hugs Jinsol immediately.
The girl was very understanding to them ever since. She has the feel of a mother who you can rely on completely.
Vivi hugs her next, then Jiwoo. Sooyoung only gave her a fist bump and a nod.
She receives a tight hug from Jungeun as well and smiled at each other. But Jungeun's smile did not reach her eyes.
"Have you already eaten?" Vivi questioned Jinsol as she sat next to Jungeun.
"Yeah, I already had lunch with Y/n", she said, drawing the attention of her pals. In particular, Jungeun. It was like the first time she heard your name again, except that she was wondering whether you and Jinsol knew one another.
However, Sooyoung was not surprised by this. She continued finishing her food and didn't bother to look at Jinsol.
"Do you know Y/n?" Jiwoo gazed at her confused.
"Of course, Ohh...I forgot she didn't tell you that we're cousins." This statement of hers was enough to leave their mouth agape.
Jiwoo, who was stunned, is covering her mouth with her hands. While her best friend, Jungeun, is only staring at Jinsol who is now busy explaining things to the others.
Jungeun can't understand why her feelings are lost when the girl she's staring at is the one she believes the answer to.
This should elevate her mood.
Jinsol is back. She should be celebrating.
Her heart should swell with nothing but pure happiness.
But no.
The joy she was feeling today was not enough to elevate her mood.
She's dishearted.
The adage "people come and people go" is fully relevant. But is that necessary?
Her mind begins to stray yet again toward what happened the night before.
She didn't reply to you after she got your response because she felt disappointed.
Disappointed of what?
Disappointed that you didn't tell her sooner that you're leaving? or because it'll be the last time she'll be watching the sunset with you?
Maybe because you let go of her that easily?
She has no idea. She doesn't even understand why she is feeling this way.
However, the most important thing is that she has the idea why you let go of her so quickly.
Jungeun wants to see you so badly, and talk.
She is interested in your thoughts. But you are busy right now so she cannot bother you.
Jungeun's mind is at its breaking point. She's getting a headache from it. That's why she excused herself to go to the infirmary.
"Do you want me to take you there?" Jinsol offered being concerned by the latter.
"No, It's okay, I can go by myself," Jungeun muttered and stood up from her seat.
Yves also stood up and excused herself too, "I forgot something in the classroom and I have to get it." Jiwoo insists on going with her but Yves just answers her with assuring smile, "It's fine, It'll be quick."
Yves and Jungeun made their way out of the cafeteria. When they came out of it, they were meant to go the opposite way, but Sooyoung kept following Jungeun.
"You're supposed to go the other way, right?" She stopped from her walk and asked very confusedly.
"Right. But, I just wanted to talk with you." Sooyoung answered her with a small smile.
Jungeun doesn't have the energy to interact with people right now, but Sooyoung looks determined to have a conversation with her today.
Both of them continue heading to the school's infirmary.
"What is it about?" being weary is apparent in her voice.
Yves shared with her, "You look so bothered ever since morning, Jungeun. You keep spacing out and the others are very worried about you."
"Is there something I can help you with?" she continued.
"It's because my head hurts", Jungeun tried to say, dodging Yves' glares. which is true, but it's not primarily the cause of her odd behavior today.
They both reached and entered the infirmary. Sooyoung waits for Jungeun while the latter gets some meds from their school's nurse. She is silently observing Jungeun's behavior since morning. And she's not buying her excuse.
Well, maybe it is true but Sooyoung's guts were telling her that there is something else. The girl was looking very deep into her thoughts ever since morning. She keeps on spacing out which is very unusual for her.
Sooyoung by her side, Jungeun was returning to the cafeteria after receiving her medication. She has been hesitating about whether to tell Yves about what's going on in her mind.
With a gentle tug on Jungeun's arm, Yves stated, "Jungeun, that's not the way to the cafeteria. You are spacing out once more."
The said girl stopped in her tracks and answered her with, "Can we talk in the garden?".
Yves was baffled but agreed.
Reaching their destination, the two sat on the bench under the shade of the tree.
"So...what keeps bothering you, Jungeun?" Yves asked the moment they both sat.
"I-It's about Y/n," Jungeun gulped the lump in her throat. She doesn't know why it feels heavy saying your name.
Sooyoung's gaze never left the latter. Jungeun is nervous and somewhat shy. Keeping her head down playing with her fingertips.
"What about her?" Sooyoung tried to have eye contact with her.
"She told me that she's departing after this week, and..." Jungeun said, pausing to consider whether it was appropriate to disclose this information. However, Sharing this is significant because it was the cause of her excessive worrying, after all.
"And?" the other girl whispered.
"She confessed her feelings to me yesterday", Jungeun adds, turning to face Sooyoung, who's trying to suppress her sly smile.
I'm glad she took my advice, Yves whispered in her head.
"She also stated that even though she loves me, she must let me go, now that Jinsol is back. Y/n wants me and Jinsol to be happier together."
This information made Sooyoung lose her smile. She remembered that you and Jinsol are cousins that's why you chose to let Jungeun go to be with Jinsol.
"So this is why you seemed so lifeless all day long?" Sooyoung asked her which Jungeun answered with a slight nod.
The latter continues to lend her thoughts to Sooyoung. "I don't understand. Jinsol's return should make me feel very delighted because that was my only wish. But I can't at this time. I'm more worried about losing Y/n,"
"Last night, I wondered whether Y/n would ever pursue me if she didn't return because I assumed that's the reason why she let go of me so easily."
"Jungeun, Let me ask, what do you truly feel when you're with Y/n?"
"I am eased. I feel that I should put all other concerns aside when we are together and just enjoy being with each other. She made me experience somebody's genuine care and contempt." Sooyoung can see the honesty in Jungeun's eyes.
"I worry that I will once again lose my comfort. I had become accustomed to her presence. Even though we had just recently met, I feel like she quickly grew to be an important part of my life."
Hearing these words from Jungeun made Sooyoung realize things that the latter hasn't yet. She smirks at Jungeun who's looking at the trees with empty stares.
"I get that she already made up her mind to let me go when she confesses her feelings to me. But it made me feel disappointed."
"Jungeun, Do you like Y/n?" Yves's question made Jungeun look at her slightly taken aback. She didn't notice the cheeky smile on Yves' face.
"N-no?...I-i don't know."
Jungeun never gave it a second consideration. Her thoughts are too muddled to consider it. Or perhaps she is too focused on the idea that she only likes Jinsol.
However, Sooyoung's point illuminates her gloomy thoughts.
"So do you still like Jinsol?" Sooyoung asked her once again.
It caused her to pause for a second before responding, "Y-yes? I-I believe," with a very uncertain tone in her voice. As realizations dawn on her, she begins to question her feelings for Jinsol.
Sooyoung facepalmed and say, "Jungeun, consider it more thoroughly. I am aware that a lot is going on in your head, but you must think about how you feel about Y/n to realize and manage your intrusive thoughts," she pauses to look at Jungeun straight in the eye, "You'll never doubt your feelings for Jinsol if you're truly in love with her."
"Y/n's confession and choices won't ever be a significant worry that leads you to overthink if you're in love with Jinsol. If your only desire with her is as a friend, then you won't ever be disappointed and wouldn't think about other what-ifs. also remember that we still have exams on Wednesday, in case you forgot."
"Okay." The other girl answered her with a monotone voice.
Shit, I almost forgot about the exams. Thankfully I already reviewed some last week.
Jungeun said to herself.
The only Jungeun wants right now is to go home where she can think about things peacefully.
Yves's words were right. She should not be thinking too much if she only wants Y/n as a friend.
To be true to herself, Jungeun was grateful for Jinsol's return. She was excited to see and to be with her again. That's why she didn't understand this sudden change in her emotions.
But is it truly happened suddenly? What if she simply managed to miss the shift in her feelings?
Soon after,  they headed back to the cafeteria. Jungeun appears to be more okay after their talk in the garden. She mentally thanked Sooyoung for listening and giving her advice. Yves enters the cafeteria first so their friends will think that they did not come together.
Haseul and the others decided to have a study hang-out later after dismissal to prepare more for the upcoming exams, and Jinsol decided to also tag along. This has been their routine since before. They will always study in Haseul's room and tutor each other.
They did not forget to invite you to join them later, but because you already have plans, you politely rejected them. Well, you kinda avoiding Jungeun too, so.
\\
On Tuesday, the school announced that the classes will only be half day because teachers have meetings and so students can prepare for their midterm exams tomorrow.
Jungeun messaged you if it was possible to meet you but she only received, "I can't. I still have a ton of work to do. Let's talk when the exams are over. Good luck!".
She has no other choice than to study and prepare more for the exams. While she was putting out her notes on the table, her phone flashed up and shows a message from Jinsol.
"Jungeun, can I come over? Let me help you review for the exams just like before :)"
Jungeun responded, feeling more motivated to review than before, "Sure, take care."
This was their routine before every exam. In particular, in calculus, Jinsol tutors Jungeun on the topics she struggles with. She imparts to Jungeun some techniques that will make it simpler for her to answer and assess the problem. For Jungeun, she was a big help because she understood the lesson much better than her teacher's discussion.
Soon later, Jungeun's mother notified her and let her know that Jinsol had come. To begin tutoring her, she invited Jinsol to come to her room.
"What subject are you having trouble with? "Jinsol enquired as Jungeun was lending her trigonometry notebook and notes.
"This," Jungeun answered her.
The girl who likes math starts to analyze the problem on Jungeun's notes and tried to solve it on the other sheet of paper before proceeding with teaching the latter.
The two have gone through this cycle. Before teaching Jungeun how to answer the problem correctly, Jinsol will attempt to solve it herself. Then, Jinsol will assess Jungeun's understanding of the subject after giving the other girl a practice exercise.
Jungeun is having a hard time comprehending the topic's content making her completely get rid of her other problems.
Their study session was interrupted when Jungeun's mother knocked on her door to deliver some food. Jinsol and Jungeun moved away the items that were on the table to make room for the food that her mom brought to them, so they could start getting ready and eating the food.
Jinsol was very happy right now. Every small memory that they shared before, she wants to do it again. She longs to be back with Jungeun. She sincerely hopes that Jungeun would still hold a special place in her heart for her.
But, Jinsol is certain that something has changed, though. Even though they have only been together for a few days, she already feels it deeply and in many ways. Jungeun is the kind of girl who enjoys showering love on others.  She likes expressing her emotions through physical touches. Because of this, Jinsol was a little disappointed when she returned, and Jungeun was not as clingy as she had been. They were used to constantly holding each other's hands.
 It would be unreasonable for her to demand an instant favor, considering that it was her fault for the changes she was experiencing.
Jinsol already acknowledged that Jungeun might no longer be in love with her, just as she told you. Naturally, it causes her heart to hurt terribly. She does love Jungeun, but she made a mistake. Her behavior clearly shows that she is undeserving of her. Her unwise choice ultimately caused her heartache.
Jinsol broke the silence and calls the latter, "Jungeun..."
"Mhmm?" Jungeun stopped eating her food and looked at Jinsol.
"Is there someone else?" She murmured, slightly scared of what Jungeun's answer would be.
The other girl gave her a questionable look since she didn't hear it clearly, "What?"
"Is there already someone else in your heart?" Jinsol said louder than her voice earlier, before looking her directly in the eyes.
Jinsol's glares towards her were averted by Jungeun. She didn't say a word for the entire minute. She does not know how to answer because she is still not sure. She is still unsure about her feelings. Jinsol is still focusing on Jungeun, who is inadvertently fiddling with her food.
She doesn't need the answer to her question. Based on how Jungeun acts, Jinsol already has it.
"You don't need to answer... U-uhh We should eat so we can continue the review." She grinned bitterly to the latter, who was still avoiding her stares. Jungeun nodded silently and proceeds on finishing her food.
Upon completing all the food that her mother had prepared for them, they did resume the review. After that rather awkward incident, nobody dares to speak again unless it's about the exam.
\\
Jungeun's brain began to hurt from the amounts of information she had taken in after studying for nearly the whole day. She started to complain to Jinsol that she couldn't take it anymore but the other girl only laughed at her.
They organized all of her notes that were scattered across the table. Jungeun collapsed onto her bed after having an extremely exhausting day. She seems like she'll pass off quickly. 
Jinsol, on the other hand, is observing her actions in silence with a small smile on her face. It's still too early in the afternoon to call it a day, so she starts to remember some of the activities they used to do.
"Lippie, Do you want to go out?" she suggests then caused the latter to open her eyelids.
Jungeun said, "Where are we going?". The pillow muffles her voice.
"Maybe, in the Hangang River? That was our usual spot." After remembering those moments, Jinsol responded with a faint smile.
Initially hesitant, Jungeun eventually accepted.
She wants to go back there to realize things, and finally have answers to her dilemma.
Aside from that, It was what she had previously hoped for, to visit that park once more with Jinsol.
She misses spending time in that park with the person who first made it special. She used to come here just to witness the sunrise with Jinsol enjoying the ambiance of the park in the early morning. They will have their breakfast picnic while watching the sun begin to rise and reveal its warm colors, which will soon fill the entire sky for the rest of the day.
At certain times, there aren't many people in the park. Most of them were older people strolling their dogs or getting their daily exercise.
Returning to the present, the travel to the park was quite enjoyable. As it always was, jokes and laughing could be heard throughout Jinsol's car. They looked back on their past experiences at this park.
When they arrived at Hangang Park, there appeared to be an event because numerous stalls had been set up in a particular part of the park. They both decided to look through each one to see if there was anything they could buy.
After checking, Jungeun said that they should rent a bike already. She's been looking forward to it since earlier. Jinsol chuckled at her and grabbed Jungeun's hand and they began to start walking towards the rent station.
Jungeun remembered how she loved holding Jinsol's hand every time. They used to stroll this park hand in hand. No one is willing to remove each other's palms. This small gesture was enough to make her feel secure during those times.
That afternoon they spend all of the time enjoying each other's presence after longing for so much. They both agreed that they should do the activities they used to do in the park before.
She is beginning to sense that this park has become a significant part of her life. She had many memories of events that had taken place here. Regardless matter whether it's in the morning or the afternoon, it has wonderful memories that she will cherish forever.
Looking at the sunset holding their ice cream in cups, Jinsol and Jungeun sat on a bench in front of the river when the tiredness starts to kick in from strolling.
As the sun began to sets, the magnificent rosy color is spreading across the whole calm sky. Jungeun suddenly remembers you. Unknowingly her mind leads her to the memory of that day.
"A penny for your thoughts?" Jungeun was brought back to reality when Jinsol asked her.
She looked at the other girl who was grinning at her, "Just remember someone," she whispered.
"What made you remember them?" Jinsol replied then took a bite of her ice cream.
"The sunset." the latter answered slightly shaking her head. Jungeun puts her attention on her dessert before it melts.
Jinsol hummed briefly looked at her and then to the sky.
"She loves sunsets," Jungeun starts to reminisce about every moment she was with you, "and I'm starting to love it too." she continues her statement by looking at the bright pink sky.
Jinsol noticed how Jungeun's lips turns upward. This is like the first time of the day she saw the other girl smile genuinely. She has been noticing since lunch that Jungeun is slightly distracted. Don't get her wrong, but the way she smiles right now is very different than earlier.
Jinsol got intrigued by this so she asks, "tell me more about her."
"Hmm, she's wonderful. A wonderful companion and buddy. She took good care of me, and I was deeply grateful for that." the other girl stated.
They were still eating their ice cream but Jinsol can taste the bitterness on her tongue.
Getting lost in the beautiful scenery that the sunset gives to her, Jungeun begins to describe the aspects of you that she finds interesting. She was completely unaware of Jinsol's stares or the other noises coming from the busy park.
"We prefer different things, so I didn't even assume that we would get along. However, she disregards her preferences so I can choose what I enjoy." Jungeun giggles when she remembers that you hate sweet foods but still buy them for her.
"She became my comfort when I was longing for your presence. And, it made me feel a different type of warmth deep in my chest every time I'm with her."
Jinsol smiled bitterly as she hears those words from the person she dearly loves.
It looks like I have my answer to my question earlier.
"She's also selfless." A deep sigh left Jungeun's lips remembering your message.
"How can you say that she is?" Jungeun turns to look at Jinsol.
Because she chooses to let me go to be with you.
She wants to say it to Jinsol, but it's not right to say it to her.
Jinsol doesn't know anything.
Instead, she answers with, "Because she's been unselfish with me."
Jinsol couldn't do anything than nod her head and absorb all of the words that Jungeun says.
"I want to return all of the good things she has done for me." Jungeun continued.
And I badly want to be with her side forever.
Like a strike of lightning, her unexpected insight provides the answer to her dilemma.
A long silence falls between the two of them.
They both didn't notice how the sky erased the trace of the magnificent sunset and replaced it with a dim shade of gray.
"I think we should go home. It's getting colder." Jinsol suggests and gave the latter a half-smile. She got up from her seat and slightly remove the dirt off her pants.
Jungeun doesn't understand what Jinsol said.  She just nodded with an absent mind and followed her.
To Jungeun, everything fell silent. All that can be heard in her head is the noise of her thoughts.
I like her
She is now certain of what she says to herself. These three words are constantly repeating inside her mind.
Your love is like wine for Jungeun. 
A wine that gave her a bittersweet taste that she's afraid to spit out yet finds too good to swallow.
The taste that she knows; she will look for, the moment it's gone.
And she's willing to take the risks to relive the experience. 
Being drowned in her thoughts, Jungeun didn't notice that they already reached their house. Jinsol opened the door for her which made her back to reality. 
 Jinsol was patiently waiting for her as she got off the car and closes its door, "Goodbye, Lippie. Thank you for spending some time with me again. I missed it so much."
"Thank you too. I needed that tutor and the hang-out in the park. It helps me a lot." Jungeun answered her and smiled back. 
Jinsol nods and gave her a faint smile, "You should go inside."
Jungeun's stares focus on the ground and she slightly nibbles the inside of her pocket.
"Uhm, Jinsol?" the shaky whisper left her lips.
"yes?" The said girl answered her.
She knows she's certain about this, but she was unclear about Jinsol's reaction, "I'm sorry, but I like someone else already. She is leaving, so I don't want to miss what may be my final chance.", she said giving an apologetic look at her.
To her surprise, Jinsol just chuckles and pinch her cheeks. "It's fine, Lippie. She's the one you're talking about earlier, right?" heck, Jinsol knows to herself that it was a fake chuckle.
"Yes," Jungeun murmured. 
Jinsol stares at the stars in the stars when she felt her tears starting to build up. She expected this to happen. But she didn't know how hurt this could be, even though she was ready. Her awareness of who she had fallen made the heartache deeper.
She clears her throat and tried to say something without breaking her voice, "You should go inside." She smiled softly and tapped Jungeun's arm.
As Jungeun observed her eyes, they appeared to be slightly glistening. She knew that these were the tears that were going to come. 
She just nodded her head and turned around to go inside.
Jungeun felt sorry for Jinsol. 
She knows how it hurts because she'd experienced it.
I'm sorry but I know what I feel towards her is real, so I'm taking my chance. 
Jungeun muttered to herself, walking towards their door. 
The moment Jungeun entered their house, Jinsol felt a tear escape from her eye. She smiled bitterly and sniffs silently, "Why am I crying? I knew that this would happen. It's my fault after all," she said blaming herself.
She took the cuff of her jacket to wipe her tears. Jinsol inhaled deeply and starts to drive back home. 
Jinsol reflected on their earlier times spent together.  All of their moments seem to be replaying in her head like an old record. Then, a bittersweet feeling overcame her.
It was right, "The joy is in remembering; the pain is in knowing it was yesterday".
she said to herself, alone in her car.
\\
Friday is the most anticipated day of the week. After a grueling three-day exam, everyone is now celebrating its completion. Because the examinations are finally over, Haseul and the others decided to give you a farewell party at Yves' condo. They all want to hang out with you again now that they know you're leaving, as they found out last Wednesday.
In all honesty, Haseul, Vivi, and Jiwoo were pouting over the fact that they were the only ones who were unaware of your early departure. They just know that you're busy because of the upcoming midterms, not because you're also organizing your papers.
Jungeun anticipates this day as well. She was expecting finally see you and talk to you, which made her both anxious and delighted.
Additionally, realizing that she's now sure that she likes you caused her heartbeat to become more erratic. The thought of seeing you again causes her heart to beat rapidly. She misses you badly because, since you arrived in Korea, this seems to be the longest period she has been apart from you.
Yves, Jiwoo, and Jungeun were assigned to buy the drinks, chips, and other snacks. Haseul and Vivi are the ones that will prepare for the venue, and cook some meals. While you and Jinsol both decided to buy boxes of pizza and flavored fried chickens. 
When the two of you arrived at Yves' apartment, her living room was already decorated, and Haseul and Vivi were plating the food they had cooked. You set the pizza boxes on the counter and proceed to the living room. On the couch, Jinsol is already grinning while checking something on her phone.
"What are you watching?" you asked curiously.
You saw the smiling girl show you her phone. It was a cute but corny TikTok video. 
You muttered to her, "That was corny." teasing her because she is so entertaining to make fun of.
Jinsol gave you a gentle elbow and stated, "You just have no fun." She then continued watching other TikTok videos. 
You got up to the kitchen to assist the other two in preparing the food. 
Jinsol is still bitter about you since she doesn't sure if you feel the same way about Jungeun. She is aware, however, that she is solely responsible for this. She views you as a sister, thus she is unable to resist you or become upset with you. Despite the pain in her heart, she just wants to be happy for Jungeun no matter what happens.
"Hi, is there something I can help you guys with?" You ask the couple.
"Can you get some plates on the cabinet and wash them?" Vivi asks you with her charming smile.
"Sure." You smiled back and did the task.
While cleaning the dishes and utensils. You could hear the three arrive. As soon as she entered, Jiwoo gave the entire group a cheery greeting.  Yves let out giggles because of her girlfriend.
To set the chips and other snacks on the middle table, Yves headed to the living room. She and Jinsol nod at each other in greeting.
The alcoholic beverages and juice were delivered to the kitchen by Jungeun and Jiwoo. Jungeun and you exchanged shy glances for a brief moment. The tinge of crimson red may be seen on Jungeun's face. She wants to hug you right now, but it would be weird.
You muttered a trembling "Hello," unsure of how to approach her following your confession.
Before putting the drinks in the fridge, she uttered a brief "Hi."
Following a brief exchange of greetings, you bring the dishes into the living room so that you can begin eating. You had considered returning to the kitchen to assist Jungeun, but you noticed Jinsol get up and head there instead.
 You wonder whether they are already glad to be together once more. After all, you let her go for a reason, among others. A tiny bit of jealousy seeped into your heart.
You felt a nudge on your arm. "What's up?", It was Yves with her gorgeous smile asking
"I'm fine, how about you and the others?" You smiled at her too.
"I'm fine too, I don't know the others." She answered with a sly tone.
When you're going to follow up on her response, Jiwoo cuts you off. She hands a platter to each of you.
"Let's eat!" She said beaming.
Looking around, you've just noticed that the others are holding their plates.
Your dinner was quickly followed by the small party. Everyone was enjoying themselves and was concentrating on playing cards. Wave after wave of laughing, argument, and shouting flooded Yves' apartment. Jiwoo, Jinsol, and Jungeun did most of the shouting as they became engrossed in the UNO game.
Most of the time, you and Vivi are the only ones doing anything but laughing while this chaos unfolds. This scene occurs frequently, regularly. On the other hand, Jungeun constantly steals and looks your way. Because you also continued doing this to her, you always caught her glancing your way.
Even though you're all having fun, your interactions are nonetheless awkward.
This was observed by Yves, but every time she witnessed the two of you acting strangely, she simply grinned and shook her head. Jinsol observed this encounter as well and believes that you and Jungeun have something going on.
After almost 10 rounds of UNO, Haseul thought that it is time to play the drinking game. It was a card game that involves alcoholic drinks. The cards contain dares, questions, and the statement "you drink".
Yves requests your company while she goes to grab the drink. and you replied, "Of course," to her.
As you stood up, you followed the girl in her behind.
Jungeun continued to fixate on you before you left her line of sight. She's already interested in speaking with you, but the timing is awful.
"Go get the tequila. I'll just cut some lemons and get some iodine salt." She commanded you. You nodded your head and proceed on getting the drink.
To grab the tequila, you opened the refrigerator. As well as the cupboard where you find the shot glasses.
When you had everything you needed, you returned to Sooyoung, who was chopping some lemons. The salt was already placed on the saucer when you got beside her.
"You were very awkward with each other," Sooyoung says as you observe her in silence.
She was so sudden, you went, "Huh?"
"Tss, I said, you and Jungeun are awkard." She gave you a quick glimpse before turning back to the lemon.
"W-well...I don't know." You whispered.
Sooyoung just mentally faces palmed before placing the lemon slices on the platter. After placing all of the dirty dishes in the sink, She grabs the plate and saucer,
You took this as a sign to go back to the living room.
Cheers can be heard once more in the living room.
"We don't need to finish the bottle of tequila", Haseul, the group's mother, reminds everyone. "If you start feeling tipsy, it's alright to quit," she says.
After confirming her request, everyone gathered back in a circle around the center table. Vivi shuffles the deck while secretly anticipating who would be the first to get drunk.
Since everyone had a shot before the game began, it appears that the others have plans to become inebriated. Since she still wants to talk to you, Jungeun has decided not to play the game and may instead take only a shot tonight.
However, you chose to enjoy yourself because this will be your final night with them and you have a strong tolerance for alcohol. You also feel the need to drink due to the complicated of your love life.
You all took turns selecting a card from the deck. Jinsol was given the challenge to consume one slice of lemon and chew it for one minute. Based on the card she was chosen, Vivi must take a shot. Jiwoo was given the challenge to stop her mouth till it was her turn once more. The "no shot until your turn" card was also dealt to you.
After about two rounds of playing with the card, everyone decided to quit because they were all starting to feel dizzy. Even though they were already dozing off, they insisted on watching a movie. Only you and Jungeun are still sane. For you, Jiwoo, and her girlfriend to lay down on the carpeted floor, you moved the living room's center table. As you and the others rested, Jungeun went to grab some pillows and blankets for you and the others.
This made your heart flutter with joy.
In the middle of the movie, something on you wants to go out on Yves's balcony. You look at your friends who are soundly sleeping beside you. Gently getting up from laying down, you go out assuming that all of your friends were deep asleep. 
Half sleeping, Jungeun awoke to see someone approaching the television. She looked over at her friends who were lying down and saw that you weren't there. The girl immediately rose and turned to search for you. She noticed you leaning against the glass railing.
Jungeun went out to the balcony even though she knows that it was slightly cold. 
The sound of the sliding door caught your attention. You felt your heart jumps because of joy and nervousness.
 "It's cold you should go inside," You stated to the girl wrapped around a blanket.
"I know but I want to talk with you." Jungeun said tackling herself more to keep warm.
Although you are a little unsure of what she wants to discuss with you, you are aware that you are interested in talking with her as well. 
Nodding to her, "So, how are your test results?" you ask opening a topic to talk to.
"It was hard but, yeah, they were all finished." Jungeun answered looking at the city lights.
You haven't seen her for a week now. Without a doubt, you missed her company and admire her inherent beauty. You can tell she was sleepy by looking at her face, but despite this, she is still awake. 
To avoid her noticing that you are staring at her, you turn your gaze elsewhere.
Silence falls between the two of you. 
On the other hand, Jungeun is very nervous about what she would like to say to you. She can feel the tension building in her chest. 
Looking at the cars below you, you can feel that she start to stare at you. 
"I like you." she whispered but this is enough for you to understand what she said. 
Looking back at her, you chuckle and give a little headshake before saying, "I'm not Jinsol."
Jungeun stated to you with certainty, "I know and I like you for who you are."
A portion of your heart blossoms with hope. You can feel it in the way that your stomach turns over and your heart begins to race. But you don't believe her since you thought she was simply playing with you because she was tired.
"Stop. You're just making me hope that it was true." 
"Y/n, I'm not lying. I no longer love her. It was you—the person for whom my heart seeks."
"I'm sorry, It's hard to believe, Jungeun. Is this about my confession—"
Jungeun, cut you off, "It's not about it, Y/n. I genuinely like you. You've been in my mind and dreams. My genuine feelings are for you. I initially believed they were for Jinsol."
You don't know what to reply to her because you can see in her eyes and feel in her voice that these were all real and nothing but pure honesty.
After saying what she wanted to say, Jungeun felt a slight sense of relief.
Your heart has fully blossomed with hope, and joys are now enveloping it. But then, your cousin comes to your mind.
"Does Jinsol knows about this?" you ask. The guilt is starting build-up.
Jungeun answered shortly after, "She knows, but didn't know it was you." 
You turned your head aside as you tried to gather your thoughts.
"I don't know. This happens so fast for me, Jungeun. I'm leaving in a few days already. Think about it carefully. Let's talk before I leave." You said seriously.
A small "okay" was her reply.
Although Jungeun is aware that this is a quick occurrence for them, she still believes in her love for you. Additionally, she needs time to reflect on your leaving and other matters after this.
"Also, I want to concentrate on my studies because I have a great responsibility after I graduate from college," You added, slightly explaining to her what you want to happen even after this.
Once again the silence falls between the two of you.
Each minute, the number of cars on the road decreased indicating that it was getting late. 
Your hearts felt as though they were about to pop when the sliding door opened and someone spoke.
"What are you two doing there in the cold?" It was Jinsol.
The two of you buffers didn't know what to say.
"U-Uhm we just talked but we're going inside already," you answered her with a thin smile. Jungeun nods along, taking a glance at you before turning to Jinsol.
Jinsol returns the nod and yawns before rubbing her eyes.
Jungeun and you exchanged glances before smiling briefly. You follow Jungeun as she enters the room, and locks the door. 
\\
It's now Tuesday afternoon, four days after the party. Moreover, it is the night before your departure. Jinsol started her first day back at school last Monday when the school restored its normal routine.
You paid a final visit to your relatives in Korea over the past weekend. They also decided to treat you to dinner wishing you luck and a safe trip back to your home country.
Since there haven't been many changes in your interactions with Jinsol, you assume that she is still unaware of your situation with Jungeun.
When your doorbell is rung, you are arranging your belongings in your luggage. You get up to open the door, but because it's lunchtime and everyone else is in school, you're not anticipating a visitor today.
To your surprise, it was your cousin that come to your apartment. 
"You are now skipping classes, Jeong Jinsol?" you playfully said to her. 
Jinsol laughed at you and went inside your apartment saying, "I asked Miss Jung if I can go help you with your stuff, and she gladly agreed."
She has already observed the clutter in your living room. Your sofa is covered in a few stacks of clothing, and there are three pieces of baggage on the ground. Jinsol begins to organize part of your clothing and fold it so that it will fit more compactly in the bag.
You went to your room to get a pile of the books you had purchased while in Korea.
"Are your documents and plane ticket ready?" Jinsol asks while still folding your clothes. 
Sitting on the couch adjacent to her, and answered. "Yes, I already arranged them last week. I only have to pack up my things now."
You keep organizing your books. "When did you start packing", Jinsol ask
"Last night." You said and got up again to get some other things in your room.
She stares worriedly at you as you return to the living room, "Did you get enough sleep?" 
"Well, kinda. I had other things to do last night, so." 
Jinsol has stop putting your clothes in the luggage when she heard your answer.
"You've been sleeping late these past weeks, Y/n. That's not good. Oh, and before I forgot, I'll send you tomorrow at the airport." 
You nod to her statement, "I know, I'm just thinking some other things." 
"Is this about Jungeun?" Jinsol abruptly said.
You froze for a brief second and questioned if Jinsol knew enough about it.
"I know that it was you, Y/n." She said to you like she had read your mind, " and I'm not mad." she continued.
"I-I'm sorry." this came out naturally from you. 
"Don't be. It's not your fault to fall for her." She said and gave an assuring smile. 
Because of your guilt for your cousin, you gulped and said, "W-well, It was late when I realize that she was the one you're talking about, but I promised it's not my intention to fall for her."
She had known it was you ever since Jugeun first described you to her in the park. Considering that she has known this aspect of you since you were a child. Furthermore, she noticed how serious you two appeared to be when she saw you on Yves' balcony having a conversation.
Jinsol gives you a small smile and says, "I know, Y/n. I just want to be happy for both of you. She deserves better, and I know it's you." 
She meant these words. She values both of you greatly because you and Jungeun played significant roles in her life. Although Jinsol is aware that it would be difficult for her to move on, she will do her best for the two of you.
Well, it works out extremely well for you. You immediately felt relieved as your concern for Jinsol disappeared.
"Is this what you guys talked about last Friday?" 
"But, I told her that it happens so quickly and she should think about it more", you replied, slightly shaking your head.
"Just trust Jungeun—" she was interrupted when the sound of your door alarm filled the apartment. 
The video intercom shows the girl she was about to say. 
Your heart skips a beat the moment you saw her. 
"Oh, she's here. You two should talk again. I'll go now and be back later at night." Jinsol smiled at you one last time. 
You walked her up to the doorway before she opens it. 
Jungeun was startled when she saw you and Jinsol opening the door. 
"H-hi." she left a small greeting to both of you.
 Jinsol greeted back with a wave and let Jungeun come in. 
After locking eyes, you and Jungeun flashed a smile at one another.
"Have a seat." You said to her offering your sofa.
"Thank you, but I'm not going to be here for very long", Jungeun politely declined your offer, saying, "I only want to give you this." She then handed you a piece of paper and said, "I hope you'll read it after your departure."
You take a small red envelope that you assume is a letter.
Feeling your heart sparkling with curiosity and joy about what the letter would be.
"T-thanks," you say, blushing a little on your cheeks.
With embarrassment, Jungeun rubs her nape. "Y/n, I want you to know that I'm really sure of my feelings for you. I know it appears as if it happens fast but the truth is that I didn't realize it sooner. You're right, We should focus more on our goal for ourselves and I'm ready to wait for you no matter what. Let's not hurry the thing about us because if we are really for each other, we are till the end." Jungeun felt weak because her heart was full of delight.
Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've just known for a short while?
To Jungeun, it is. She experienced a different surge of joy while she was with you. She felt her soul was captivated by the warmth of your presence. She felt so domesticated just being around you because you are her home. 
You immediately felt as though your soul were being taken to heaven after hearing Jungeun's statement. Your delight caused your hearts to soar.
You cannot stop yourself anymore and hugged Jungeun so tightly. The two of you haven't been this close to each other in a very long time.
"I'm very thankful for assuring me, Jungeun. You don't know how much these words mean a lot to me."
Jungeun hid her face on your shoulder and hugged you back. 
She cannot feel her chest anymore. It's too numb because of how happiness and gratification.
That afternoon your hearts were so close to each other, beating in the same rhythm.
 It feels like your heartbeats became one.
\\
Jinsol sent you to the airport as she had promised yesterday. Before they left for school, your other friends met you at your apartment. You hugged each of them individually and made a promise to visit them when you have time.
The last person to give you a final, tight hug was Jungeun. She gives you a cheeky kiss on the cheek. You briefly felt frozen, but you immediately tightened your embrace of her.
"I'll miss you," you said whispering to her ear.
When Jungeun felt your breath near her ear, she shivered a little and said, "I'll miss you too."
You are currently on your way to your home country. Opening your bag, you saw the red letter that Jungeun gave to you. Without a doubt, you read it.
To Y/n,
I'm sure you were on your way home by the time you read this letter. I do hope that you'll arrive home safe and sound.
We've settled down a few things here. I'll always keep our promise, and I do hope you'll do the same.
You don't have to be concerned with all of the problems that disturb you. Although time and distance may be a challenge, I am confident that we will always find a way to return to each other's arms.
I'm grateful that the universe allowed our tiny paths to cross. I never would have imagine meeting someone as wonderful as you. I was at my lowest point when you met me. My life was completely soulless and lifeless before you arrived, and I'm pleased you're here now.
A typical human heart beats over 3 billion times throughout their lifetime, but every time I see you, my heart skips a beat, depriving me of the normal amount of heartbeats. How long have I kept myself isolated and terrified of all of these? But this time, I'm willing to take a chance on something genuine. Since I am aware that the greatest love of all is that which the heart may feel but the eyes can not see.
Y/n, forever I will stay with you.
With you, and only you.
\\
For the three years, everyone has been doing very well in their college life. Even though they're studying in different cities, they always find a way to have time together.
Additionally, you keep your promise to pay them a visit when you get the chance. But finding time is never easy due to the time difference and everyone's schedule.
Similarly, Jungeun and you experienced this. You solely communicated through Messaging for the first several months that you were apart from one another. There are times when you glance out your window, and all you see are dark skies and stars, even though you can see the sunset in the background.
But you have a great plan.
\\
The sun is already setting when Jungeun reached her apartment. Opening her door she can already smell the food that is being cooked.
Grinning to herself she thought it was her best friend again surprising her a visit. When she removed her shoes she couldn't recognize the shoes laying on her shoe rack. Additionally, it looks like newly bought shoes too.
"Yah, Jiwoo you didn't inform me again—" she immediately stop in her tracks and was very surprised at what she was seeing.
"Surprise? I guess." You said slightly chuckling before putting down the ladle and turning off the stove
Before you even had a chance to turn around, you felt two arms firmly around your waist. You hold her hands while giggling at her and try to ease them a little so you can turn around and hug her as well.
Jungeun pressed her face on your neck while holding you so dearly.
You wrapped your arms around her neck and gently laughed as you whispered, "I'm not going anywhere, Kim."
"I miss you so much," She said softly. You began to rub her back when you felt a dump on your sleeve.
Kissing her temple, "don't cry."
After some minutes of hugging each other in the middle of her kitchen, Jungeun wiped her tears and sniffled.
"Let's eat, I already cooked your favorite food." You said to her smiling. She nods to you and holds your hand.
You two primarily discussed college life over dinner. She questioned what you were doing in Seoul when you were supposed to be at school today. You explained that you are taking advanced courses so you can graduate faster than planned, which is why you didn't frequently visit them during your holidays.
Because you didn't inform Jungeun of your plan, she acts like she was annoyed. However, she secretly felt touched and proud of you for working so hard to get back to Korea.
Following supper, the two of you spend the rest of the evening cuddling on the couch, feeling at ease. While you two are watching a random television program, Jungeun is resting her head against your chest. Her hair is being caressed by one of your hands as the other is snugly around hers.
Before you both turn in for the night, you two agree to watch the sunrise the following morning.
\\
You haven't been to the Hangang River in a very long time.
The last time you went here was the point at which you realized Jungeun would never truly be yours and that you would have to let her go.
 But it looks like the universe has a different plan for both of you.
The moon is setting. You and Jungeun are peacefully strolling down the park's path while casually holding hands. 
The warmth in your heart radiates from the heat of your palms against one another.
You two sat down on a seat as the morning sky began to reveal its serene pastel hues. Now that it is awake, the sun is prepared to present everyone with a memorable day.
The sun's dazzlingly bright light reflects Jungeun's face as she looks at her. 
You want to wake up to this view each morning.
"Jungeun," you called her softly. 
The girl looked at you cutely raising one of her eyebrows and smiling, "hmm?"
"Can I be your girlfriend?" You've been dying to ask her this question for a very long time.
You felt a tight squeeze of your hand.
Jungeun looks at you and playfully says, "The sunrise is beautiful, isn't it?"
This statement made you laugh, and answered her, "It is." while nodding your head. 
She smiled at you before leaning in.
 "Then, it's a yes." 
Those were the last words you heard before you felt her soft lips on yours.
It taste like a wine.
The wine of her affection.
60 notes · View notes
beingdreeyore · 9 months
Text
Reflecting today on how much has changed...
Today has been tough. It feels like a rough day, one of the lowest days, like tears would be acceptable and necessary, but at the same time it looks so different to how these days used to look.
I woke exhausted but also relieved that it was one of my three 'work from home' days left for the year. One or two nights a week the pain in my spine is so bad that I spend the night tossing and turning, endlessly searching for some magical (and fictional) position that will ease it all so I can drift off to sleep. Midnight passes in a flash. 3am becomes 4am. The traffic starts outside. Then it's 5am. Suddenly the song that plays at sunrise on my speakers is gently floating through my tiny apartment and it's time to get up, regardless of how sleepless the night was.
Thursdays I do a walk though. Not the longest walk, but a decent walk before the day starts. Otherwise I might spend the entire day in the safety of the apartment and never hit a single heartbeat over 100 in a minute. It's tempting to be that person. I struggled the whole way with lumbar discomfort and a heaviness in my legs but reassured by the physio yesterday that what is happening is not doing damage, it's rebuilding.
Once home, I did a practice multiple choice exam. I passed but it wasn't the mark that I'd set in my mind. I know on exam day I have to factor in what will likely be a sleepless night the night before and also performance anxiety. It wasn't high enough to make me feel safe if both those things occur, but I still passed. Two months ago I failed in the most spectacular fashion and I thought I'd never get to this stage - I'm passing each and every practice run. It was a sleepless night and I want to sit down and sob, and yet I was still able to pass.
There's a bottle of wine in the fridge and as the urge to cry hit me at regular intervals, I thought about it. But I went back to my questions and my emails. Finalised my reports. Attempted some dancing on my lunch break. The alcohol is still unopened. Would it have been three months ago?
Dancing was a mess. It's only one move that's breaking me but the whole routine relies on it. It occurs in the first 15 seconds and then at regular intervals afterwards. After 35 minutes of not making it past the 16th second, I gave up. It beat me today. I wanted to cry again, but didn't. I wanted to binge eat, but didn't. I stuck to my nutrition plan. I made an appointment with the clinical psychologist I haven't seen in six months, just in case these symptoms linger. And all the while I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I didn't drink or eat or give up. The sadness comes too but the work still gets done.
The thing about this atypical depression is that it kicks my butt. It kicks my butt, it makes me fat, it takes my sleep, and it slows me down to a stage where I come home from work each day exhausted. But where the wins are though is that when I reflected on my goals for the month and my goals from last month, I'd met them all. Well, all except the weight loss.
The reduced drinking. The sticking to the nutrition plan. The exercise as dictated by the physio. The daily study. The meal prep. All those things I told myself I had to do to get through this, I did them. It didn't look like that the last time I was in this place. The last time it looked very much like I was drowning. I can usually manage a few on certain days, but I don't do all on every day. It hasn't been easy. It's been checklists and reminders and a lot of positive self-talk, as well as self tough love. There's also been inner negotiation and bargaining but it's paid off. Regardless of how low I feel the work is still getting done. How many times did I put these exams off because the lows were too much?
So today is a day of reflecting. It's not perfect. I still slip up. I have so much more work to do. But little things today like hearing my inner voice tell me that I'm not unloveable hit home. Has that inner voice ever told me that? I've told myself on repeat so many times that I'm not asking for too much when I ask for the bare minimum that I suddenly seem to believe it. It feels real and no longer contrived. I know what I want and it's more than being offered. It feels rude and ridiculous that men expect me to settle for far less knowing what they will get in return. When did I start believing that?
So there has been reflection. Its a win on a day like today and I'm taking it as such. I know it won't be perfect and I don't expect that of myself. But I have my checklists and my reminders and I know I will get through this too. Though I only see it when I look back, it's clear now that each time I get a little stronger and I get a little closer to beating this for good. Today I am grateful for finally having that realisation and for learning to love myself enough to be able to even get to this place.
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lhenn · 1 month
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Tag "9" people you want to know better
Tagged by @alma-amentet thanks! Always fun to take part in these
3 Ships
1. Zoro & Sanji (ZoSanZo) (One Piece) (and per extension my D&D OC Kaze and an NPC from the campaign named Muharib, they reminded everyone of them)
2. Soul & Maka (Soul Eater) (I'm not really obsessed over them, I just think they're sublime and have a special place in my heart)
3. Idgie & Ruth (Fried Green Tomatoes, they have all my heart and more and there isn't a single time I don't cry with them)
(probably should have added Erik & Christine, but even though I love them, I think the ones I mentionedhave sticked with me for far longer)
First ship
Well. Tough one. Since I became interested in fandoms? My first interaction with a fandom was due to Naruto being super gay with Sasuke, then either SasuNaru or NejiTen.
If not counting interacting with fandoms, earlier I really liked maybe Usui and Misaki from Kaichou wa maid-sama!
And from when I was a kid, I'm really not sure, but probably Eragon & Arya or Westley & Buttercup. I really liked them then.
I'm not really a "shipper"?, I have my preferences but I don't usually become focused with many of them.
Currently reading
Two years ago I started re-reading again (3rd time) Seven Realms Series by Cinda Williams Chima (I really adore this saga), but stress with university, switching from reading in Spanish to English (not being so used to it then), got me into a block soon after starting The Gray Wolf Throne.
Since then, I've read many manhwas/mangas/mangwas, some of them still not finished (Define the Relationship, Under the Green Light, Thirst...) (Mature content, be wary)
I also tried to go back to reading by beginning Treasure Island... it didn't quite work. I've read 4 chapters or so. Will go back to it in a few weeks probably, after exams.
Currently I am properly reading When the longing returns and Squirrel Girl, plus some D&D stuff from the campaign I'm currently playing.
Last film
Funny 'cause it's Treasure Planet xD
Last song
Well, this is a tough one, when I began writing this I was listening to "Hey, Little Songbird" from Hadestown and then "Todo Arde" by Juan Navazo, 6 songs later, right now Phantom of the opera (cover by Reinaeiry and Chloe Breez) is playing xD
Currently craving
Another D&D session for sure. I'm starving, I don't think I'll make it 'till the 25th
I mean, money, always money. I'm a currently unemployed broke student and living with my parents is driving me even more insane. Hopefully I'll land a job this summer coding as a still studying junior, the same one I intend to do my internship at next year. I won't make much, but I might be able to pay my part of a shared appartment with some friends once I've finished my current studies.
A hug, hormones have been driving me mad these past two days and I've been so so soft. Still am. I would like to drown in a big embrace, but honestly, right now, I don't have anyone I would like to give me that kind of hug. Am I weird? Haha I'm just not really a "touchy" person.
Time to draw and write, lately I haven't been able to.
Tagging: @night-unfurls-its-splendour @birdstooth @carpeossa @dross-the-fish @erik-carierre @gee1puu @jenjanart @muirin007 @royalavera @rose-margaritas @tondroom @toastjadan no pressure to join, and anyone who sees this and would like to participate is more than welcomed 😊
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