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#almost a month ago 3) a lot of them don’t know i’m very politically active
hidiingplace · 2 years
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psa: where i’ve been.
ooc. hellooo. this is a long over due update on things going on. some of you probably noticed that i’m just simply not active right now. my queue is running out and my desire to write is simply not there. this isn’t a bad thing though!
i go through these periods of time where I want nothing to do with writing or my muses. I’m currently in one of those periods. I think for most people it’s a bad thing, but often times for me it’s actually a good thing.
writing is my coping mechanism when things become stressful. i disassociated from the major problems in my life with writing and have done so for as long as i can remember. in the last few months not only have i gotten more balanced on my ADHD medication, but disconnecting from writing and tumblr has had a fantastic affect on my mental health in other ways as well. 
the bad. Over the last few months, while things have been incredibly stressful and hard, I can confidently say that I’ve handled things very well. For those who don’t know, exactly a week ago my family and I had to put down my childhood dog, Ginger. She was 13 and dying of a tumor on her spleen. She died with all 4 of us around her (a miracle considering my sister lives 2 hours away and just happened to be visiting for 2 days). She went peacefully and was very ready to go after a full life of being adored by us all. I’m handling it well, despite my sadness, knowing that death is just something that happens and happens a lot –– especially with animals. 
the good. But in other news, my stress with Sassy has begun to plateau. Be it the medication or simply finding that I am enjoying being an owner of a Special Needs and incredibly brave and strong horse again is yet to be decided lol. Regardless, I feel a surge of desire to be with her as often as possible, even missing her just hours after having spent 2 hours at a time with her. Her weight is being better managed as we’ve found something that seems to be working with her weight that she can do long term WITHOUT affecting her symptoms of her severe Cushings disease. This is a huge win for us after a battle to keep her weight on for almost 3 years. 
I’ve also found incredible value, pride, and happiness in my job over these last few months. I feel valued and appreciated and I’ve actually secured a permanent position with them –– something that is relatively impossible in my line of work. I work for a Tribunal who’s funding depends highly on the political party running it. Being on term/contract employment for the last 3 years has caused undue stress as every 6 months it was possible there would be no funding to keep me on –– no matter how much they wanted to. I am the first employee in the National Division I work for on Refugee affairs in about 5 years to be given a permanent position. What’s even better is that I’ve never enjoyed my job more than right now. I am the lead on a National Project which assists in providing Refugees Access to Justice. It’s a small step in the direction of assisting people –– something I’ve wanted to do since I was very little –– and it feels amazing to have this job and be referred to so glowingly by the people who’ve worked with me for 3 and a half years. 
what happens now? well, simply put, I’m more connected to the world outside of my screen at the moment. This is something that happens rarely and when it does I try and spend as much time living this way as I possibly can. In other words, I’m officially on a bit of a hiatus until I find the desire and want to be writing and creating again. This isn’t a bad thing, this is a good thing and I really do not want people to fret about me. 
where can you find me? discord is your best bet as that’s what i feel comfortable sharing to all my followers: ✧・゚brei.#8843 
those I’m close with are welcome to have my instagram as well, though I don’t post much on it, I’m in DMs and doing things on there a bunch. 
To those who I haven’t spoken to in a while who I normally do; apologies! I’m rooted in other things right now, but I love you and think about you often. while I may not be in the mood to talk about character, RP, or muse related things at the moment, I love talking to you all and would love if you would share about your life with me. I’ll try and do the same to my mutuals who are receptive to this, but i know many people would rather keep conversations to the creative and struggle to want to talk to people about their every day lives when for so much of us the creative is an escape from it. 
I love you guys! and you certainly haven’t seen the last of me. i’ll return to this blog when the inspiration strikes me!
- Brei (June 15 2022)
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takagishingo · 3 years
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hi, friends, i love y’all but i am trying to stave off a total spiral so if i just like unfollow over the next couple hours/days it really is just me. don’t take it personally.
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nachohypno · 3 years
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Nate and Dave - Ch. 15
Dave’s POV
I’m sure you already know how much a single person can change a whole lot of your way to see the world, or have your life take a 180° turn (Had to look this up, angles are weird.) just by standing in a corridor.
Now I was just happy to stare at my phone’s unlocked background. A pic I took of us while cuddling. I was kissing his cheek and staring at the camera, while he just laid below me, his face had a little smile and his eyes were closed.
He loved that pic. I loved it too, it was both cute and wholesome. Never been one to do those things, nor even Leslie managed to get me to change my Dallas’ Cowboys background, and we had a lot more pics together than Nate and I do.
It was a nice distraction. I would sometimes just unlock my phone to see that pic and feel a bit warm inside as I imagined spending more time with my soulmate. I loved him a lot, and I wouldn’t mind sticking around with him for a day, or two, or the rest of my life, just to make sure he has all he needs to be happy like I am when I’m near him.
We sat together at school, yeah. Nobody batted an eye. We hung out during our breaks, still no big catastrophe happened. After school, we usually have a date or spend some time together before heading to our respective houses (As much as I’d like, having daily sleepovers wouldn’t be wise).
According to… everyone in the world who knows that I’m hanging out with Nate (Which may be just 2 or 3 people that I’m aware of), the guy had a really positive impact on my behavior. He’s always encouraging me to help whenever I can and to be… nicer, in general.
I’ve already apologized to one of my favorite targets a few weeks ago, but decided to fully leave them alone. In my house, however, I’ve been trying to honor my soulmate’s wishes doing some house chores to help mom and pops around. I still don't think I'm ready to 'change my public image' that much. Kicking nerd's asses is fun... but mean and unnecessary.
Mowing the lawn, going grocery shopping, cleaning around whenever my parents seemed quite tired to do it, that kind of thing. My room wasn’t a messy place before, but now I could spend less time looking for my stuff!
And now… Nate was at his house. I left him there per his request, he told me we could hang out later today! But first, he had some homework to do.
I looked around and noticed the door was closed. I dropped my shirt and pants, felt the locket’s cold metal against my chest, and dropped on my bed.
I wasn’t intending to take a nap, just close my eyes and think of my soulmate was a nice enough plan for my evening.
As I closed my eyes, images of my first day with him invaded my happy place. Me getting his scent, slowly walking over to his locker, and noticing the guy I never paid attention to, the one that sat a few rows in front of me, and was usually in the middle of the way when I threw paper balls around.
Now that I thought of it, maybe I never noticed him because he always hid? He was hiding right now; it was obvious that he was using his locker as a cover. I stood there, though. Taking in the smell. Feeling myself realizing more and more of that nice thought I had never thought about after my pops told me about that weird phenomenon.
…I had found my soulmate. The love of my life… It wasn’t my girlfriend, but a guy from my class… I frowned both in the real world and in my fantasy.
In the fantasy world, I lifted and kissed him. He didn’t fight back, just returned the love I was giving him by returning my kiss. I didn’t care if anyone watched us. I loved this guy, and I still do now.
I love Nate Hall.
I rubbed my crotch in the real world, as I kept kissing him in my fantasy. That was more than enough. A single kiss, a single thought about my soulmate being happy and in love with me could make me so hard and horny…
“Dave?” A voice said. My soulmate’s? It sounded so different though… I kept kissing him. This was perfect. He was perfect. He was the love of my life, of course he was perfect! “Daaaaave?”
Was there someone invading my fantasy? Oh, wait…
I opened my eyes and saw a familiar face standing there, wide eyed. I had my hand on my hard crotch, rubbing it. This was definitely an uncomfortable position to be found at. I could normally hear when people are walking towards my room, but maybe I was so out of it this time that I didn’t hear him.
“Fuck, sorry— Didn’t wanna—” My cousin said. What the fuck was he doing here, anyway?! In my room! When the fuck did he arrive?!
“Shut the fuck up! And close the door!” I commanded, feeling anger building up on my chest, totally replacing the warm feeling from a few seconds ago.
Brad Walker. My cousin was my height, which was a bit funny given that he was a few years older than me. He was muscled too, but his shoulders seemed wider as his torso formed a sort of upside down triangle. He was a rugby player, maybe it had to do with that.
By looking at his face alone, he could pass as a brother because of the resemblance. He had the Walker’s smile, looking both chilled while also managing to look a bit menacing to keep everyone in their toes.
Doesn’t give him much use, given that he’s a Beta.
Brad closed the door behind him, and laid back on it. “Off to a rocky start, I guess. Let’s try that again… Hey, cuz!”
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I could feel the anger diminishing. I thought of my soulmate, how would he react if he saw me like this. He would want me to be nice and polite to my cousin. I wanted that too, I wanted to be nice to him. I’m so hot-headed sometimes…
I smiled at Brad, and took a few steps forward to give him a bro hug. After that, I walked over to my bed and sat on the edge. “Hey man, wat’cha doin’ around here?”
“Uncle hasn’t told you? Pops and him thought about doing a little reunion, so we drove over and… here we are.” Brad left his hands in his pockets as he looked around. I noticed I was still almost naked, but didn’t give it much thought. I did put some shorts on, though. “Just the big guys, though. Mom was tired and decided to stay at home with the young ones, so it’s just pops, Logan and me today. The guys asked me to get you downstairs, so… shall we go?”
I pointed to my almost naked body. “Give me a few minutes, alright?”
-----
Dressed up in some shorts and a grey tank top, I walked downstairs with Brad following me closely.
Pops was there, with his brother and my other cousin. I walked over to Logan and gave him a brohug. I liked my cousins, they were like brothers.
“Hey man,” Logan greeted me after the hug. It was nice seeing him. Well, like, nice and not nice, because he was pretty annoying sometimes. So I hoped he didn’t get very annoying tonight. “Damn, you look buffed. Taking steroids already?”
I rolled my eyes. “Why do you ask? Need some to stop being so thin, cuz?”
“I swear I still don’t know how he's not broken after kicking that ball. Y’look like a stick, bruh” Brad backed me up. I liked that about Brad, he was pretty loyal.
Logan laughed. He’s not one of those chums who get mad at every tiny insult. He’s pretty easy going in that regard. Would need to learn from him, because I am one of those chums who get mad at every tiny insult. “Don’t pull my dick, assholes” He punched my shoulder, softly.
Even though Logan was a year older than me, he was an ass. And that’s coming from me.
Logan… He was alright, I guess. Not really very muscly like me or Brad, nor our parents for that matter. That’s because he liked soccer, ugh. Not even weightlifting, nah. Just soccer and cardio.
That got him looking well in a soccer uniform with long socks and knee pads, but… I really should reconsider his standing in my pack. Meh, might as well let him in just because he’s family, but I’ll most likely order him to start working out more to be a real wolf bro. (I’ll get into this later.)
“Uh… don’t wanna be rude or anythin’ but… how long are you guys staying? Thought about having a friend coming over and-”
“Ooooh, is it your girlfrieeend?” The soccer cuz said, moving his fingers towards my face. I slapped his hand off me, and he laughed. “Big meanie Daveee has a girlfrieeeend” He was like a little kid when it came to annoying others, and the worst part was that he nailed it.
“Oh, shut it, bro. You’re just jealous- Wait, that’s not what I was going to ask”
“Dad and uncle Adam thought about doing some beefs for tonight, soooo… family dinner, I guess? We don’t really hang out often, so I thought it would be nice. Besides, we all love beef” Brad answered, holding his arms behind his head and stretching for a bit.
“We’re about to leave, actually,” Uncle Thomas said, grabbing his car keys. “Gonna buy some meat and drinks for tonight. Y’guys wanna come? Hey cub, haven’t seen you in months...” 
I greeted my uncle with a firm handshake, before he gave me a little punch on the abs. “Strong as a rock. Not bad, kiddo.” He ruffled my hair, before turning his attention back to my pops.
I was a bit too worried to think about hitting the store. Nate was supposed to come after he finished his homework, so we could spend the night together. I was supposed to pick him up. Fuck, what am I gonna do?
I shook my head and remained silent. Brad followed suit with a “Yeeaaah… No, been in that car for an hour and I’d really like to move my legs.”
“Pussies,” Logan said in a snarky tone. I raised my eyebrow, but decided to take care of him later. “I’ll go, may find some hot chicks in this friggin’ town…” 
My uncle looked similar to my dad, just a few little differences. Dark blond hair, a bit longer. Their sizes were similar, but my dad was bigger. It was weird to think that my uncle was the one who activated the werewolf curse in a bar fight and not my dad.
If you kill someone, whether it was intentional or accidental, you can’t transform into neither your werewolf or full wolf forms without experiencing a lot of pain. Could be avoided by never turning into those forms but…
Transformation is mandatory during the full moon. This whole thing seemed really thought out to punish those who don’t follow the rules, right?
Brad grabbed my arm “Hey, since we’re staying behind apparently, wanna catch up?” He pointed back to the stairs, probably wanting to go to my room.
I nodded, nothing better to do. And it would give me some time to think about what excuse I could give Nate.
Again in my room, Brad closed the door behind me. “So… a friend? I mean, the locket already gave me an idea but I didn’t you were bringin’ her to your place already…”
“It’s nothing, really…” It was something, a lot. I loved wearing this locket, it reminded me of Nate. Thus meaning, it was pure bliss in a single necklace.
“So, what’s the locket for? Always thought you’d end up with that Leslie chick you talked so much about” Oh, I forgot. My cousins never met my ex.
I shook my head, but was kind of hesitant to talk about it. In the end, I eased myself to the idea as I thought more about Nate. “Got a soulmate now, cuz.” Was my answer. I was proud of myself! Not even a half of the average werewolf population gets to meet their soulmate once in their lives!
I was lucky, it was like, one in a whatever-number-of-people-there-are-in-Earth!
“Waitwaitwait, not gettin’ it. So, you and Leslie… or is it another girl?”
“It’s a guy, his name is Nate” I mumbled out quickly. I wasn’t embarrassed, but at the same time, I felt like a chunk of ice just fell through my stomach. 
Silence.
“So… you’re gay now?” Brad said, giving me a thumbs up. “It’s alright, I don’t mind gay people”
I honestly couldn’t get how he got that assumption. “What? What makes you think that?”
“You’re with a guy, like dating and loving him and you even have a locket… I mean, that’s pretty gay. But it’s cool, it’s not that weird. Lots o’ people take some time to discover their sexuality and stuff— Uh… Cuz?”
I stared at him. Not staring, actually. I was glaring at him.
Brad gulped. “I fucked up, didn’t I?” While he did sound afraid, his face displayed a mix of nervousness and worry. I always laughed at him when he asked if he fucked up, like it was a regular thing for him to do but still needed other’s approval about it.
I just glared at him, making sure he knew I wasn’t happy. I walked forward and held my gaze into his, trying out my favorite part of being an alpha.
As I focused on him, his expression slowly started to relax, then vanish, as his pupils dilated.
“On your knees” I commanded, making sure he got it as an order, not a ‘humble request’.
His blank face didn’t move an inch, as he dropped to his knees and looked forward. His eyes, besides the pupils being dilated, looked glazed over as his irises changed from hazel to pure yellow. The beta color!
“Who’s your alpha?” I mocked him, as he blankly stared ahead.
“You are, sir. David Walker is my alpha” Brad droned. I ruffled his hair. He was a good beta. 
“And who do you have to be respectful towards?”
“My alpha, sir. Being respectful towards their alphas is the sign of a good beta, sir” Brad answered, in a matter of fact voice.
…I should probably explain what the heck is going on.
I’m an alpha. I’ve mentioned quite a few times already, but I never mentioned anything about other ranks.
You have omegas, who are wolves without a pack. They’re usually weaker than alphas and betas. Then there are the betas, werewolves already in a pack.
Omegas can survive quite well on their own, it’s not a requirement to have a pack. But if you want to get stronger… Getting an alpha is the best you can do.
That’s one of the reasons Pops is so proud of me. He and mom conceived an alpha in their first try! Nate usually nerds out about me sounding like a “Jerry Stud” whatever the fuck that is.
So, since I’m an alpha, both my older cousins are ‘my pack’ to call it some way. And you just got to see one of my favorite alpha skills.
Much like a soulmate bond, being a beta for an alpha makes them completely loyal to the alpha, which means… I have some degree of control over them. Not as much control as my love has over me, but still… It’s fun!
“So, won’t you apologize for calling me a fag— Uh… gay?” I’m still getting used to not using that word. Everything for my Nate. Can’t be a bully anymore, right?
I didn’t have to ask twice. Brad seemed to struggle a bit against it, but after a few seconds he said “I apologize, sir. I didn’t intend disrespecting you like that…” It was a cold, empty apology. But it did the trick. I’m not a picky guy, he’s my cuz after all.
But that did make me wary. Should I tell Nate to not come after all, at least until these guys leave? Fuck, they were going to ruin my evening with my soulmate.
“Uh… what do you think about my soulmate being a guy?” I walked in front of him, back and forth. I was trying to think what would be the wisest decision here. A second opinion would be useful.
“I personally don’t care, sir. You can love whoever you want, especially if you met your second half.” My cousin answered.
“I mean, yeah. But what would Uncle Thomas and Logan say if they found out about it?” I should uh… ‘wake him up’ or whatever already. But I liked him this way. You can say I’m a dominant guy. Not saying I lust over my cuz, that would be incest, but ordering him around is fun.
“I don’t really know. He’s your soulmate, they shouldn���t say anything. Logan is a fellow beta though, it wouldn’t be wise to fear anything from him. He’s as loyal to you as I am, my alpha.” Not going to lie, I loved hearing that.
Being in control of the situation, having everyone in my surroundings looking forward to being with me, or do as I say out of fear/respect/whatever… That’s why I loved the not-studying-part of school!
As a little reward for his opinion, I did what Nate would have done to me if I did particularly good: Scratch the back of his ear. Brad’s head got some emotion again, as he got closer to my hand and started panting with his tongue out.
“There, there. Good beta cuz” I mumbled, as I machinated a plan in my head. I had an idea, but it would be a bit… not ideal. I stopped scratching the good spot, and his expression blanked out again. I crouched in front of him, and looked straight into his eyes. “I want you to listen very clearly to me, understood? Listen and do as your alpha says…”
If Brad wasn’t in ‘beta mode’ before, then he definitely was now. His irises were still a bright yellow, but his pupils were even smaller now. “I’d do anything for my alpha, sir” placing a hand on his chest. I knew what that symbolized, I used that expression with Nate before. It freaked him out a little.
“Y’know, my soulmate is kinda a big deal for me so… I want you to treat him like a king, alright? No mean or cocky comments, just be nice to him and I’ll be nice to you, got it?” I had to search for the words to say this, it wasn’t really a piece of cake as I expected. “Think of him as an extension of your alpha. Make him feel good and do what he says, and you’ll be good to go.”
He frowned a bit, but his face quickly eased up. “As you command, my alpha. Your soulmate’s wellbeing will be my top priority, sir.”
Yeah, that’s more like it. “Get up now.” I said and just… walked away from him. I wasn’t interested in bossing him around anymore, not for now at least. But actually…
“Lift your shirt.” One last command wouldn’t hurt, and he obeyed without a question, like a good beta. I walked towards him and gave him a little punch on his abs. Didn’t even flinch, he was keeping up with me! Of course, I wanted the best for my pack! “And… Beta out.”
My cousin snapped out of whatever that was, his yellow irises returning to a nice hazel, as his pupils got back to normal. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and smiled. “Huh, 5 minutes. Wonder what you did there” The guy said, smiling at me.
He couldn’t get mad at me. I was his alpha! I mean, he could… but there wasn’t much he could do about it!
“Meh, you don’t really care, do you?” I said, trying to sound uninterested.
Brad shook his head. “Nah, I really don’t. I really trust ya, cuz. Best alpha around!” Couldn’t tell if he was following the ‘you don’t really care’ thing, or if he was being honest, but I didn’t really care.
“That’s a good beta” I mumbled, going closer to him again to scratch the back of his ear. God bless Nate and discovering that hidden pleasure for me. I loved when he did that to me, as I mentioned, and I loved doing it to other wolves, too!
“What are you two ladies doin’ up here- What the hell are you two doing?” Logan entered the room. My other older cousin, although younger than Brad. Rather than being as muscular as we were, he was more chilled. Yeah, he was in good shape, but he didn’t look like a big gym bro like us.
This was probably due to him preferring Soccer rather than football or rugby. Each to their own, but soccer isn’t that fun to begin with? I tried to not give it much thought and respect his hobbies.
“Brad, close the door and put on some music.” I ordered him, walking over to Logan and wrapping an arm around his small soccer player’s shoulders. “You just made my whole evening way easier, lil’ cuz”
I wondered if Nate would like this. I’d have to send him a message telling him that I wouldn’t be able to pick him up… That felt bad, but at least these guys wouldn’t bother him tonight!
-------
Nate’s POV
Dave invited me to his house, but asked me to walk over. He told me we could have a family dinner, which was alright. I liked his family. Mr. Walker was funny and Ms. Walker was really nice to us. We just had one family dinner and Dave spent most of his time zoned out.
And also, there was a full moon, which I didn’t get to see.
Was I glad they considered me ‘family’? It pushed me out of my freaking mind when Dave sent me that text.
I was walking slowly. Not like a snail and doing baby steps, but I felt like I should slow down as much as I could and… be fashionably late? It was a good walk, from my house to his. But I didn’t mind.
The town was quiet, not much stuff happening as I walked out of my house, and on the way to Dave’s neighborhood.
I thought about buying some ice cream or some nice dessert to make a good impression this time, but hey, I don’t really think they’ll care about it that much. They highly prefer meat, as far as I know.
Stopping in the middle of the way, I grabbed my phone and checked my maps app. “Should have arrived 10 minutes ago… fuck, that shortcut would have been really useful…” I mumbled to myself, changing my route and getting back on the way.
I was nervous at fuck, that maybe explained my silliness. And I also never walked to this part of town. It wasn’t… bad, but it was a bit more private than the usual neighborhoods, which fits Dave’s family pretty well due to them being werewolves, and stuff like that.
I still had some time to cancel and be like “Oh, hey. My… hamster pet is sick and I want to look after him?” I kind of sucked at making up excuses, that's why I never wanted to be late on homework due to laziness.
It was late now, just another block and...
I reached Dave’s house. It was weird arriving here on my own. Guess I really got used to my soulmate acting as my personal driver.  
The rooms inside were on, Dave’s car and his dad’s were outside the garage. The closer I got to the front door, the louder I would hear laughter coming from inside. Were they having  visits? It didn’t sound like Dave’s laugh. His laugh was… deep and dumb-sounding.
I stopped now. What if they had visits? What if Dave didn’t tell them I was coming? I was shaking a bit, before taking a deep breath. 
Taking my final steps to be in front of the main door, I knocked and waited for someone. Loud footsteps later, Adam Walker (Dave’s dad) opened the door.
“Hey bud. Didn’t know you were coming, but uh…” He motioned inside with his head. “Come in, the big guy is in his room with his cousins. We’re having a family dinner”
“Thanks, mr. Walker-” But he stopped me as I set a foot on the door. The older man leaned in and started whispering.
“Don’t be afraid. If you don’t want to be picked on tonight, try your best to not sweat as you did the last time. Dave will probably have you covered, though.” He patted my back, and moved aside to let me in. After that, he closed the door behind me. “Dinner will be ready in a bit so… feel free to go mingle with the guys upstairs.”
Uh… that wouldn’t be needed, apparently. Dave and a pair of guys were coming downstairs, and as soon as my puppy boy saw me, he rushed towards me to give me a big tight hug. “Missed you a lot, bruh! Didn’t know there was going to be more family tonight so… I’m really sorry for that. But I’m sure we’ll have a good time!”
The other two guys just stared at me, arms folded. One of them was big, and buffed. He had an absent smile, a bit creepy but also inviting. The other was smaller than him (And Dave, for that matter).
“Uh… since your uncle is here, these are…”
“Cousins, yuh” Dave finished the sentence. I made the connection on my own, but it was good to get some confirmation. “Big one’s Brad, small one’s Logan.”
“Hey, I’m not small!” Logan complained, trying to punch Dave’s arm. He didn't seem to do much damage though.
“Yeah, and I’m a bottom, heh” My werewolf jock replied, obviously mocking his cousin. I noticed Brad chuckling, and I couldn’t help but find that funny though. I always wondered if Dave would like to bottom at least once. I feel like he’d be alright if I asked him for it, due to me having full control and all that...
After the introduction was over, and both guys shook my hand, my focus shifted again to who I wanted to be with: Puppy boy was looking at me too.
“I can’t find the words to tell you how glad I am to see you here, though” Dave said, before pulling me in for a good make out session. In the middle of the living room. He was feeling happy or romantic, I assumed? I was surprised his cousins didn’t react at all, and just looked like they were watching some kind of movie.
“Wait, what the heck?” Oh geez.
A man blasted in the living room, and tried to separate me from Dave. The puppy boy reacted quickly though, and pushed him away. “What the fuck, old man?! This is my soulmate!”
Before the guy could go back at us, Dave’s dad popped in to save the day! “You guys just had to hold on for a bit until dinner was ready!” I felt like the ‘complaint’ was more directed towards who-I-thought-was Dave’s uncle, and Dave himself.
The puppy boy seemed a bit angry, he got in front of me and made sure I was out of view. It was a cute touch. I noticed the other two guys taking a step towards us too, like siding with Dave in this.
“Just, calm down, all of you, and start setting the table. Try to not take your eyes out while you do, alright?!” Mr. Walker surely knew how to take care of these situations. Was this a normal thing?
After a long stare, both guys nodded, and we all scrambled.
-----
I was sitting next to Dave and that other guy, Brad. Across me, Mr. Walker looked around with a calm expression, as he chewed on his meat piece. Thomas, Dave’s uncle, wasn’t exactly subtle when it came to me. His eyes were like daggers, fixated on me as I nervously stared at my plate.
It was amazing, and terrifying. The resemblance and also differences between both werewolves were quite noticeable. Mr. Walker was probably calm because he already knew about my thing with Dave. The cousins seemed to be quite attentive towards my every movement and sound. I felt like their eyes would automatically fixate on me at any little sound I would make, which was killing me inside. (Were they glowing yellow? Maybe it was my head playing tricks…)
Was I doing something wrong or offensive? I should excuse myself from the table.
“So…” Uncle Thomas started, before biting a big chunk of beef and gulping it down quickly. “Uh… soulmates, that’s neat. How did you two meet each other?”
‘First family dinner all over again…’ I thought to myself, as I tried to find the words for my answer.
“School, I was just walkin’ around and smelled him. Knew he was the one so… tried my best, huhuh.” Dave saved my ass, although his story was different this time. We lied during the first dinner. I couldn’t remember the excuse anymore, and that’s what bothers me about lies.
They’re usually hard to remember. That’s also the reason I’m a bad liar, my memory is awful.
“Yeah, that’s how it usually happens. You just walk around and get the smell, all the soulmate stories start exactly like that, ain’t that right?” Dave’s uncle looked at his brother next to him, who gave him a really angry looking frown.
“Go fuck yourself, got’cha?” I understood that reaction, The man lost his soulmate, I guess the memories were still painful? I’m no psychologist to tell.
“Yeah, sorry, shouldn’t have mentioned that… So uh… back to you, kiddo.” Oh, fuck. Dinner was nice, the meat was delicious! But Dave’s uncle didn’t seem to be… really fond of me. I was glad to see (Not really, now I sound like a dick) that he was bothering Mr. Walker too, so it’s nice to see that the consensus was… Dave’s uncle was a loud mouth ass. “You don't seem to have big muscles, but that's pretty much a given when you're a human."
“I’m sorry…” I mumbled, looking up at him. I tried to sound nice and not afraid, like Mr. Walker suggested before but… it was hard. “Not really good at sports and stuff like that, I guess-”
“Can see that. At least you’re a valedictorian, right?” I shook my head. High grades weren't my top priority. I did well at school, but didn’t focus enough for high grades to be a given. “No? That’s too bad.”
“Tom…” His brother tried to calm him. I noticed Dave needed some calm too. The big guy was clenching his fist with a lot of strength, as he held his knife with the other hand. He didn’t seem eager to cut the meat though, so I decided to step in for him.
I grabbed his fist beneath the table, feeling as it relaxed the longer I touched him. At the end, he grabbed my hand too, and I noticed his expression relaxed as well.
“Dad, don’t be such a dick. The guy’s fine, cut it out.” One of Dave’s cousins, big guy, uh… Brad! He seemed to be standing up for me, for some reason. He angrily stared at Dave’s uncle, without an apparent reason.
Uh… I felt like I was missing a big chunk of information here.
The uncle just stared back at his son, a bit surprised by his reaction. But before he could answer, or even react at all, Dave’s dad spoke up. “Well, it’s been fun, a neat reminder of why we never have family reunions, heh.”
“Ow, c’mon. It’s just a big friendly talk between men and…” He looked at me, seemingly ready to strike another insult. I grabbed Dave’s hand tighter.
But Dave’s dad didn’t give him the chance. “Dinner’s over. You guys will be going upstairs.”
“Roger that” I mumbled, leaving my plate with still a good chunk of meat. I didn’t let go of Dave’s hand, but he followed right after me.
“But I wanted a bit more beef...” The other cousin said. Logan, if I remember correctly. He was small, rather than muscled and big. I related to him because of that, glad to see not all male werewolves are big muscular people.
“Take the plate” Brad whispered to him, before following us upstairs.
“Okay, what’s going on-” I started to say, but my boyfriend shushed me.
“I’ll tell you all about it upstairs, just follow me and don’t make loud noises. Remember that they can hear everything in here” Dave interrupted me, as we went to his room. ‘Great, now my werewolf seems to be part of a mafia’.
-----
Locking the door behind us and his cousins, Dave ordered his cousins to stand aside, and they obeyed right away. “I’ll put some music here and…” His phone started playing some loud rock, but not loud enough to make the place feel annoying. “There, we can talk now.”
“Whaaat’s going on? And just tell me already, it feels quite bad to be insulted for no reason.”
“You weren’t really being insulted, bruh. I was.” Dave explained, motioning for me to go closer before leading me to his bed. “Uncle has… a bit of a problem, like pops has. But while pops knows when to shut his mouth, my uncle doesn’t, huh.”
“I don’t really see the insulting part there but continue…” I pointed out, but Dave just chuckled. Which seemed to cause a chain reaction and the werewolves guarding the door in front of us chuckled too.
“Sorry, yeah. Uh, well… My uncle is just bitter because my dad got an alpha son on his first try, me of course” I could figure that out on my own. The ‘I’m an alpha’ part I mean, he says it all the time. “Brad and Logan here are my betas. They were born as omegas, yeah, but I got them in my pack by willing choice because betas are usually stronger than omegas.”
The cousins were on the other side of the room. The small one, Logan, was tasting his meal with delight, while Brad leaned in to… hear our chat? They looked directly at Dave as soon as he mentioned them, before each one of them saying a “Hey” “‘Sup?”
“Why are they so… attentive?” Nosy mode on. I wanted to get answers, mostly because my curiosity was triggered now. ‘Obedient’ would have fitted better than ‘attentive’ though.
“Asked them to take care of you for the night, because I wasn’t sure if It would look good for me to do it. Pops is usually really fond of my uncle, but I think he didn’t like seeing him insulting my soulmate to get to me, bruh” Dave then put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. “I can put them back to normal if you want me to, but… they don’t really mind, so why bother?”
Uhm… I risk myself sounding like a dick right now, but I found the idea of the two cousins under Dave’s control quite arousing… I’m not going to say it to him, of course! I didn’t want him to feel bad or anything if he saw his soulmate interested in other guys…
“Where are they going to sleep, by the way? Or are they leaving after a bit?” It was after dinner already so… it wasn’t a bad thing to ask. Like, we had school tomorrow...
“Living room, sofa. One of them, at least. I’ve got a sleeping bag, because they both can’t fit on the sofa, so while the guest room is occupied by my uncle and… yeah, I’ll go get that old thing. Gimme a sec.”
Dave got up from the bed and left the room, leaving me sitting there alone as the two cousins stared at me.
“Hope the meat is still good…” I told Logan, trying to sound nice. I felt a bit bad, Dave made them look after me, and that made them ‘defend’ me against their father. Yeah, I definitely feel bad now. “Sorry for crashing into the dinner.”
“You kiddin’? You seem like a cool guy, dad was just being an ass. It’s okay though, I think he likes you” Brad answered, and I feel like he’s the one “kiddin’” here. “He’s just… We don’t like family dinners, we do them out of courtesy. Nothing personal, dad can be naturally obnoxious sometimes”
I wanted to say sorry again or something like that, but that’s when Dave bursted in with the sleeping bag. “Y’guys play rock paper scissors to decide who’ll sleep with the alpha… Like, beside me, don’t get weird ideas.”
I chuckled, as Dave threw the sleeping bag next to the cousins, and started taking off his shirt as he walked towards me. “You’re sleeping over, right? It’s still early, but I can make up for the bad time by cuddling, if you’d like.”
To be honest, it felt like a good idea to distract me from that… failed family dinner night. Never again I’ll ‘crash’ into a Walker dinner (Even though Dave knew I was coming over). Too many surprises for a lifetime, thank you.
I laid down, rolled over to leave him room. We wouldn’t be sleeping yet, I hoped. The big guy laid down beside me and quickly pulled me in.
“Fuck…” 
“Yeah!” We turned towards the other guys and noticed Brad had won the rock paper scissors game. Logan just seemed defeated, he grabbed his empty plate and looked over at us.
“Well, g’night bros. Gonna be in the living room, I guess.”
“Buh-bye” Dave said, before turning around again and holding me in his arms. “Sorry again for all that before, bruh. Let's get some sleep, a’ight?”
Honestly, I think I didn't feel as offended as I should have. Best to just let things slide off, I guess. I decided to just nod, and doze off while hearing Brad setting up his sleeping bag. 
I didn’t pay him much mind, though. My puppy boy's hug felt nice enough to help me relax quite quickly...
--------------------
Author’s note:
Took me long enough. But chapter 16 went up already, so gotta keep up with the content.
Chapter 16 is available in my Patreon, but it will go up as soon as I publish Chapter 17 there. Shouldn’t be long, I feel very inspired lately! (Hopefully it won’t take as long as this one did 😅).
Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it <3.
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ravenadottir · 3 years
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what do you think the characters would be doing after the show/how would they be using their platform? for example, i think lottie would be using hers to give people astrology readings and stuff and i think the season 3 mc would be sooo problematic online
ok but you know what? definitely! s3 mc would be causing the stir she wanted to in the villa and couldn't. i'm almost certain she would be raging and saying absurd things to get attention, something like gabby hana you know? BIG YIKES.
one thing is certain... all of them (purposely or not) would be making thirst traps... and definitely supporting masks and registering to vote. so that's a certainty for almost all of them.
lottie. witchtok constantly. not necessarily giving readings but she would be an apologist and majority on that tag. her instagram would be split into two accounts: one for her personal endeavours like thirst traps and *looks of the day*, and a second for her brand as a makeup artist/personal stylist. cause i think that would be so fucking cool! lottie knows how to perpetuate her personal brand and would use social media for that as well. here's some edits i did in the past to explain it better. i headcanon a collab with elisa for wigs that they would both wear on social media, so that's something i really like! plus, advocating for women's rights, especially when a male politician says something dumb, so you know, EVERY SINGLE DAY.
bobby. in the middle of the pandemic? can't help thinking he would be doing some humorous videos, but in my head they're not the funny type. just some cringey ones... don't get me wrong, but bobby is only funny when he's not trying to, and in social media he strikes me as the type that not only makes videos but also puts the towel over his head to play a girl, so that's probably the majority of his content. some food of course, and DEFINITELY some *cute* selfies that he knows it works as thirst traps. i think he talks about registering to vote and blm, but doesn't give his opinion on anything else, politics wise. here's bobby's feed for the rest.
gary. i'm not thrilled to inform that gary would be thirst trapping all the time. now that he's relatively famous there's no reason why not posting those pics and videos. between tik tok trends to show off his muscles, and instagram to... well, do that exact same thing, he might take some time to show nan and the soup kitchen, but overall... thirst traps. possibly being blunt about masks and registering but his content is very closed off. also, he will get a dog and encourage people to adopt. there's a lot of pranks on dicky and vice versa, so that's something i thought for his social media, just couldn't find a good faceclaim that has a variety of pics.
lucas. mostly bringing awareness about covid and the use of masks, probably pointing it out a couple of political disputes, and definitely advising people to be careful about their votes all around the world. i like to think he's a huge advocate for legalization of a certain practice that women have to beg to have (you know the one), and i think he knows exactly how to make a thirst trap without making one. stop asian hate and blm carrds present, and often giving his followers the incentive to donate. DEFINITELY 'look of the day' for at least the weekend, and lots and lots of landscape from the places he's been visiting or wishing to.
henrik. he's everywhere and he takes his phone to talk about it. no doubt henrik is having the time of his life by travelling alone, or with his wife, and doing lives at all times. i think you would see him doing lives in the middle of the night, or watching the sunset/sunrise with his followers, besides making his *questionable* forest foraging and recipes. survival videos? MOST LIKELY THAN YOU THINK. here's his social media, where i covered mostly of what his relationship would like on instagram. (heavily based off "beyond the hill").
carl. the amount of rpg on his stories? immaculate. chess? you bet! lots and lots of carl's launchings for his company, which does have a separate account but he can't quite separate himself from it and it shows on his feed. his relationship would be discreetly displayed with cryptic captions since he's not so sentimental. here's his feed with some personal things he would be encouraged to post and boost that confidence of his.
anon that asked for more hannah stuff, this is for you:
hannah. i have one for her because i do like her aesthetic. don't mind the faceclaim, it was the only one i could find in so many situations. horses, books, some *cute* selfies, travelling pics and more. on tiktok definitely booktok, no doubt about it. she might do a lot of the "telling the story of my book as a story time" trend to promote it and say "technically it's real life."
elisa. it's all about branding and she knows how to do it well! some influencers might not get political because of how they can be perceived but i think elisa doesn't give a flying fuck about that. she talks often about blm and vaccines on her stories. i get a jackie aina vibe from her when talking about brands that support/encourage dark skin models and influencers, so that's a plus. she will give shit to a makeup brand that doesn't care for shade range and won't hide her feelings about it. here's her usual feed, with looks and tours (that i'm certain she would do a lot). i also think she'll eventually cave and have a brand of wigs, clothes and makeup, AS SHE SHOULD.
hope. there's no question about her activism on social media and i like to imagine she would be speaking up against anti-vaxxers and racism, mostly. just like yewande, she would probably talk about every time she felt the show might've favoured people that don't look like her. we would be getting the hot tea on everything since she's so honest. there's also lots of looks and promoting her friends' products because she supports them so much. priya's clothing line, elisa x lottie collab, etc. here's the feed i made for her a while ago.
chelsea. she might not be that deep into politics but she'll talk about covid and how people should be more careful about it, "wearing all these cute masks my babes lozza made for us!". LOTS of *look of the day* and tours on the spaces she decorates, besides the behind the scenes of parties and weddings (of ex-islanders) that i know she would throw. her feed also includes her closet, supporting her friends' endeavours and promoting them, besides some random mug collection shots and FOR SURE a pug selfie with mc.
priya. there's not much to say except for the occasional thirst trap (with those amazing thigh, ffs she should), lots of vaccine warnings, definitely political anecdotes and her clothing brand. i love to think she would have an actual boutique once things get settled after covid, and she would use social media to promote every line. her feed consists mostly of her travelling, designs, supporting the girls and her photoshoots.
kassam. lots and lots of backstage photos and that *prickly* way of demanding people to use their brains and wear a mask, besides getting the vaccine. in studio or just before the stage, selfies with a clothing line with his logo and definitely pics with islanders he didn't get to meet but is now friends with. during covid he would be using his lives to play for his followers, like lots of dj's and musicians i've seen doing on reddit and tiktok, probably called "late night music" or something like that. encouraging followers to donate for causes as well.
noah. not so huge on social media, might be the most discrete of them all. there would be lots and lots of pictures of the mornings before he opens the library, because i sincerely think he would keep his job. not the most outspoken about certain matters but carrds like the blm's and 'stop asian hate''s are on all of his bio's. i do like to imagine him taking selfies with the boys from the show, like ibrahim. he would be so present in noah's feed it's not even funny. the casual "cute unintentional" thirst trap too. family photos from ages ago and lots of his siblings as well. he does love to write long captions for whenever he posts his girlfriend. one thing though, during the first few months on the outside, he wouldn't be so present, afraid of facing the bashing on him if he got with mc in the show. that could be a reason for him to stay away until people "forget" about it.
marisol. SO - MANY - SUITS - SELFIES it makes me cry happy tears. between advocating for women's rights in a more technical way, she would definitely be using her platform to also talk about lgbtq+, especially after the realization she had during her journey. lots and lots of activism about those things, and i think she would be doing a fine job. definitely promoting the girls' products/services and an occasional thirst trap with a braless suit look.
rocco. covidiot. (i just wanted to use this nickname one more time). he might get a hard time from followers and villa buddies because of his stance on vaccines. i just hope he reads some articles instead of sharing bibity-bobity-bullshit on facebook and instagram. there's lots of vaccine memes on his comment sections no matter what he posts though. it's gonna take a while for the public to move on.
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jeannereames · 3 years
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This is probably a very stupid question, but how did the Ancient Greeks measure time (in terms of years and months) ? What was their calendar like? What year would Alexander have viewed himself to be living in?
I love these sorts of daily-life details, so I may have got a little carried away…. Before I get into the weeds, however, I want to make everyone aware of a reference resource:
E. J. Bickerman, Chronology of the Ancient World. Thames & Hudson, 1968.
Yeah, it’s old now, but Bickerman spent most of his career on dating puzzles, and I don’t think there’s anything recent to match it. When I first was told about it years ago in my historiography class, I practically bounced off the walls. (My fellow grad students thought I’d lost my mind.)
I’m not sure of the best way to address this query—topically or geographically—but I’ll go with topically. I’ll also say upfront that I’m unfamiliar with Egypt, so they’re not much mentioned. Also, if you want more details on any particular system (Roman, Athenian, Babylonian, Jewish), there are plenty of online resources.
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Long-count Calendar
How to number years across a span? Regnal years was most common in antiquity: year 1, year 2, year 3 of ___ king. Also, king lists detailed how long ___ ruled. The Ancient Near East (ANE) excelled at chronologies; we have some that go back to Sumer. That’s pre-Bronze Age. The span of some reigns can be deeply problematic (e.g., mythical), but we have the lists. Fun note, Neo-Assyrians named years by its major military campaign. Tells us a lot about them, no?
What about places without kings? Greece, Rome, Carthage?
The Greeks had several systems, internal and panhellenic. Internal systems often dated by the name of a prominent city magistrate. In Athens, that was the eponymous archon, in Sparta, the eponymous ephor, etc. The panhellenic system used Olympic years. In Dancing with the Lion, if you look at date plates before sections, that’s what I used. It’s a 4-year system, so, “In the year of the 97th Olympiad,” “In the first year of the 97th Olympiad,” “In the second year…,” and “In the third year…,” then we’re to “In the year of the 98th Olympiad…” In modern annotation it’s Ol. 97.1, Ol. 97.2, Ol. 97.3, Ol. 97.4. From (our year) 776 BCE down into the Roman Imperial era, the Olympics made useful anchor dating for the eastern Mediterranean (Magna Graecia).
Rome had its own system: two in fact. It counted years by both consuls, but also AUC = ab urba condita … “from the founding of the city.” Carthage used a similar system involving their two senior Judges for their senate.
When it came to “world histories,” authors such as Diodoros Siculus used several systems: Olympiad, Athenian archon, and Roman consuls. It gets a bit unwieldy, but is about as universal as we have for the Med until Christianity took over everything.
Yearly Calendars
Much of the ancient world used lunar (354 days), not solar (356 days) calendars. Yes, they knew a lunar year didn’t line up with the solar, and they used “intercalation” to fix it, avoiding summer festivals being celebrated in winter. Either a 13th month was needed every 3 years, or they added a few days to months here and there, making a “lunisolar” calendar. We have an intercalated day in our own calendar: Feb. 29th in Leap Year. To fix a calendar, however, an “anchor” is needed. This anchor is usually a solstice or equinox, which may (or may not) correspond to their New Year.
Our modern (Western) world places New Year’s in the dead of winter. But many pre-modern calendars put it in spring. Makes sense: life renews, it’s a new year. The Babylonian New Year was decided by the spring equinox—first new moon after—which pattern affected most of the ANE.
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The Hebrew New Year (Rosh Hashana) is in autumn, but their first month (Nisan) is in spring. (They also have a New Year for Trees! Tú bish'vat. How cool is that?) Wanna know when your Jewish friends are having a holiday? Use Hebcal, the gold standard.
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MANY ancient cultures have more than one calendar running at a time. So do we. Working in the uni, I have the “normal” year, but also the “academic” year to keep up with.
Despite the dominance of certain early systems like Babylon, counting the new year was specific to a region and people, and their religious traditions. No single Greek new year tradition existed. Both Delos and Athens used the first new moon after the summer equinox: early July. The Macedonian calendar seems to as well, so Alexander was born in the first month of the year. Other city states were different. I’ve forgotten most but do remember Sparta’s is in autumn because their new year almost falls on my birthday.
Remember, although we today talk about “ancient Greece” as if it were a country—it wasn’t. There was a landmass called Hellas, but each city-state was independent, and had its own laws, gov’t, coinage, and religious cult. Too often “Greek” winds up being conflated with “Athenian,” because we happen to have the most evidence from ancient Athens. But both Athens and Sparta were weirdos. Corinth, Thebes, Argos, Mytilene, Cos, Eretria, Miletus…all were a lot more typically Greek in their gov’t systems, etc. There were also 3 (or 4) different branches of Greek: Ionic-Attic, Doric, and Aeolic. When we talk about reading the “ancient Greek” language today, most people mean Attic Greek, or even Koine Greek (Hellenistic era common Greek).
That means every city-state had its own calendar, connected to its own festivals.
In fact, most city-states had several: sacred, civic, etc. Athens had a 12-month lunar calendar for festivals, but a 10-month civic calendar corresponding to the 10 tribes for Assembly business. Originally, they had only 4 tribes, not 10, so political changes meant calendar changes.
In each city-state, month names were derived from the major festival for that month. We have the complete month names for only a few: Athens is one and (fortunately for me) Macedon is another (specifically Ptolemaic, but it’s likely the same as the Argead). Below “Ancient Greek Month” REALLY means “Athenian month,” which annoys the hell out of those of us who don’t consider Athens the be-all and end-all of Greek history!
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Because their months were lunar, they bisect our months, e.g., July/Aug = Athenian Hekatombian or Macedonian Loos [Alexander’s birthmonth], Jan/Feb = Athenian Gamelion or Macedonian Peritios [probably the month that gave Alexander’s favorite hound his name: Peritos]. Likewise, as the Athenian new year began in midsummer, dating ancient events also bisects. You’ll see 342/1 to designate the year from July of 342 BCE to June of 341.
As mentioned, most places used lunar months as the most basic time-keeping, but the moon isn’t the only way to make a “month.” Rome originally had 10 months of 30/31 days, adding 2 later, which is why our 12 months have Romanesque names.
Just remember: NO UNIVERSAL SYSTEM for months.
What About Weeks?
A seven-day week is borrowed from the Jews via Christianity. Both Jews and Egyptians had a dedicated day of rest. (For Egypt, the 10th day.) In most places, however, days off were festival related. Every month had festivals, which might last from half a day to several days in a row. You worked…took off for a festival…then you worked. No regular day of rest. (For the modern weekend? Thank unions and the Labor Movement!)
How did others subdivide a month? Athenian months were c. 30 days, divided into 10s: 1-10, 11-20, 10-1. Yup, the last is backwards. But dating also counted waxing and waning moons. So the new moon began a month, the 7th of the month would be the 7th waxing moon, the 24th the 6th waning moon. This is the Athenian system. Other city-states are less clear, but probably similar.
Romans had kalens (1st), nones (7th), and ides (15th). Nundinae (market days) means 9th, but were really the 8th day. The 7-day week is late Imperial and, again, owes to Christian take-over of Jewish weeks.
Most systems had “auspicious” and “inauspicious” days for religious activities, civic activities, and business activities. Don’t start anything on an inauspicious day! (These were manipulated, especially in Rome, but that’s a whole different discussion.) The closest modern equivalent I can think of is Mercury Retrograde. 😊 Although in modern Greece, signing a contract on a Tuesday morning is bad juju, or May 29th. Constantinople fell on a Tuesday morning May 29th, 1453. We might, in America, consider 9/11. Who wants to open a business on 9/11?
The Horai (The Hours)
When did the day begin? Again, the ANE and Med are different. In the ANE, day typically began at sunset. So yes, that’s why the Jewish shabbat starts at sunset on Friday and lasts till sunset on Saturday. (If you didn’t know, the Jewish “day of rest” isn’t Sunday, but Saturday.)
For Greece and Rome, et al., day began at dawn. Each day was then evenly divided between day and night, so there was no standard length of an hour. It depended on the time of year. Each half had twelve hours, subdivided into 4 groups of triads. Originally in Greece it seems there were only 9, not twelve, but they increased to match the lunar months. The division of 4 groups of triads also yielded the 4 seasons of 3 months each. Hora was initially a season, not an hour.
In any case, dawn was always the first hour, noon the 6th, sunset the 12th. Same deal for night (twilight, midnight, pre-dawn).
This is great for military and civic purposes, but most people tended to refer to daytime divisions more generally: dawn, midday, etc. And there was nothing like minutes or seconds. That’s totally modern. Closest, they might come would be to count “breaths.”
The gnomon (sundial) was the chief way to measure hours, as it matched longer or shorter days. But it’s kinda hard to use a sundial at night, or on a cloudy day, or inside. Night hours were approximate.
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The water clock (klepsudra) was first popularized in Greece in courts and the Assembly (to time speeches), but spread to other use, for inside or on shady days. Yet water clocks are unwieldy to carry around.
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The Romans did have portable sundials (below), but again…needs the SUN. Btw, I should add that sundials aren’t only a Greco-Roman thing. The Chinese had them too. By contrast, the sand-clock or hourglass is a medieval invention. Won’t find them in the ancient world.
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defilerwyrm · 3 years
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For the ask meme: burning bright, anything about the parts at the table with the Nein. You write their banter so well!
FIC SPOILERS BELOW!
Burning Bright on AO3
The entire dinner scene hit me like a bolt of lightning while I was working on this fic. It started with Beau’s outburst, and then Veth’s willful denial and subsequent fit, and I built the two scenes around that.
Diving into particulars….
“Uhm,” he said, intelligently, but quickly recovered and flashed his friends a smile. “It is most impressive. Certainly a step up from a tiny hut.”
A direct reference to the name of the spell. Originally it was Leomund’s tiny hut. I have no clue why in 5e Wizards decided to 86 the attribution names on so many spells like Otiluke’s resilient sphere and Tasha’s hideous laughter. Things like that always made me curious about the (what I assume were) PCs the spells were named after. I had thought maybe it was because the characters who diegetically invented them were specific to one setting, but in that case I don’t know why Bigby’s hand is still Bigby’s but Evard’s black tentacles are no longer Evard’s. I don’t like it. As an aside, Widowgast’s Nascent Nein-Sided Tower is, mechanically speaking, Mordenkainen’s Magnificent Mansion. Anyway. Moving on!
It was delectable that Caleb wanted to impress him.
This boy hungry and not just for soup
Flustered, Essek tried to fend them off, but it was Caleb that did him in. It was always Caleb. The human took a large roll from his own plate, broke it in half, and offered one of these parts to Essek, who tried his best not to choke.
“You need to keep your strength up, ja?” Caleb implored him quietly.
The steady hand that accepted was a point of pride because it very much wanted to quake. The Kryn weren’t bread people, but...did he have any idea what this gesture would mean in Rosohna? Any inkling at all?
This is another one of those places where I delight in playing to cultural differences. What I’d had in mind for what that gesture—breaking food into two pieces and offering half to someone—WOULD mean in Rosohna was a bit nebulous, as I like to keep the reader guessing a bit and let their imagination fill in the blanks; but my rough idea was that it’s a courting gesture that signifies “I can and will provide for you, even if it means less for me.” An expression of selfless caregiving and an offer of partnership. Not wholly unlike a bird bringing food to a prospective mate.
And actually it’s a little bit funny coming from Caleb, who has fuck-all to his name but his name, when Essek is a rich bitch who answers directly to the Bright Queen.
Not that he was about to say it out loud, but he was a quick convert to this whole bread thing. To say that it won him over would be an understatement. That seemed to be a recurring theme here.
I imagine if I’d grown up never really eating bread and was introduced to it in adulthood I’d be like “Where have you BEEN all my life?!” But also: the bread is friendship, the bread is the Mighty Nein, the bread is communion in the spirit of sharing rather than politics and appearances and power plays—things he thought he was fine without until they were foisted upon him.
Somewhere in the course of the multiple conversations going on at one time, Jester got an Idea, as she was prone to doing. He became increasingly aware of her talking about kissing, of all things, and this culminated in her shouting above the din, cheeks flushed purple though he hadn’t seen her touch any wine: “I have an idea you guys! Why don’t we all go around and say how many people we’ve kissed?”
Jester is the most wonderfully convenient deus ex machina if you ever need to insert an awkward or embarrassing conversation among the Mighty Nein, because this is exactly the sort of shit she would do.
Jester leaped up and slammed her hands onto the table. “Caduceus you’ve never been kissed?! That’s so sad!”
The firbolg was unfazed. He merely shrugged and said, “It hasn’t come up and I haven’t gone looking. Not something I’ve ever thought about, really.”
Jester’s tail lashed back and forth behind her like an overstimulated cat. “Do you want me to kiss you?”
Fjord went a bit wild-eyed at this. Caduceus smiled gently and said, “No thank you.”
Three things about this part:
1) Jester’s tail doesn’t get NEARLY enough mention in fic! If I’m playing (or writing) a character with a tail you can be damn sure you’re gonna know what it’s doing! Makes me wanna play a tabaxi tbqh.
2) Cad’s “No thank you” is the sum total of his sexuality, lol. Jester was raised in a pretty highly sexualized setting, didn’t really get out much before she fled Nicodranas, and can be pretty naïve, so she doesn’t really get the whole aroace thing; but it never crosses Cad’s mind that this would be “abnormal“ or ”sad” in any way—it causes him no distress, as it shouldn’t. This is yet another “Same planet, different worlds” moment.
3) Fjord is physically restraining himself from yelling “JESTER WHAT THE FUCK” lmao
Veth kept picking at it. “So you’re um. You know. Into the fellas?”
Beau snorted. “I could’a told you that months ago.”
“Yeah you could’a!” Veth pouted with a self-conscious curl to her shoulders.
I saw a comment on Tiktok that said Veth was being borderline homophobic, but that wasn’t my intent! It’s just that she inherited a certain blind spot for male queerness from her player, and as hard as she’d been trying to encourage Caleb to hook back up with his female ex, it never occurred to her that he had a male ex, too—and given that they’ve been so close for so long, she’s feeling pretty self-conscious about the fact that she never figured out that Caleb is bisexual in all that time, as well as kind of upset that no one—Caleb especially—told her. She’s having a moment of “Why didn’t I know this? Did you think it was going to change things between us? Did I make you feel unsafe?” And also a little bit of “Okay well, now I have to get him to hook up with TWO people AT ONCE because my boy deserves threesomes 😤”
Jester went goggle-eyed at him. “You’ve only been with one person?” she exclaimed. “But you’re like a hundred years old! And very handsome. I would have thought you’d get like, all the ladies.”
Ladies. Right.
Veth might not be the only one with a certain blind spot.
Beau gave her a funny look, snorting. “I dunno, he seems like the kinda guy who turns down those offers left and right.”
..…But Beau’s got his number, for more than one reason. She’s got super gaydar, for one, and has him pegged as the type who’s very choosy about his partners (also mind you, this was before demi!Essek was canonized by WoG, so I was still rolling with my hc that Essek got around when he felt like it).
The uproar was instantaneous. Everyone—almost everyone—started talking or shouting at once. Beau’s voice rang out among the din with, “HOLY SHIT ESSEK FUCKS.” Strangely pleased with himself, he downed the rest of his wine in one gulp and spent the next few minutes fending off increasingly prying, personal questions until the Nein grew bored with his lack of answers and someone changed the subject.
There it is, the line that spawned two entire scenes!
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He was not a war mage, but he was experienced and wily, and he was damned good at what he did, and as long as there was breath left in his body, the Mighty Nein would not fall here.
Joke’s on me, motherfucker literally has the War Caster feat -_-
But like in my defense, that’s just what it’s called in the book. The feat just means that you have either the training or experience to cast well during a fight, which I see as not necessarily the same thing as a war mage, which was my way of saying an arcane caster who is a soldier.
Veth stared at her blankly as if willing herself not to understand. “Caleb? With who?”
She breathed steadily. “...Essek. Caleb and Essek.”
Beside her, Jester squealed and brought her fists to her face.
Veth was less enthused. “WHAT.”
Beau’s mental commentary here is dead on. Veth still doesn’t really trust Essek at this point and has been pretty vocal about that…despite being the one to declare him part of the Mighty Nein? Eh, she’s allowed to have complicated feelings on the guy, all things considered. But I find it kind of comical and very Veth (and very Sam) for her to be all full of zest for trying to get Caleb back together with the frigging Volstrucker who is actively working for his abuser and worst enemy but balk at him hooking up with Essek.
Jester “explained” in a delighted yell: “Caleb and Essek are gonna fuuuuuuck!”
I don’t know, is this too unsubtle to call foreshadowing? The line flowed naturally in the dialogue, but it’s also letting the reader know exactly what they’re in for next, lol.
“...He’s going to break that little elf twink, you know,” Veth said, sounding distant. Seemed she was having some difficulty processing. Not too surprising, considering how adamant she was about wanting their wizard to hook back up with his old flame, the fucking Volstrucker. “We’ve all seen his dick.”
This was 100% taken from Sam’s little throwaway line “It’s above-average” but it turned out to serve two purposes other than reminding the reader that all of these people have seen Caleb naked:
1) It’s yet another thing Veth thinks she understands about him but doesn’t. Caleb’s a top like Dalmatians are purple and if you disagree then I respect your right to be incorrect ;)
2) That said, it is, in fact, foreshadowing for the sequel, in which Essek experiences a great deal of frustration. (I haven’t touched the damn thing in weeks, feels like; I’ve been too busy with work, being exhausted from work, and being in a tizzy about my upcoming surgery.)
Fjord blurted out, “I’ll join you.”
Poor Fjord has had such an uncomfortable night!
Hoo boy that was a lot. Thanks for the ask, this was really fun!! And sorry it took so long; I work Saturday nights and things got really busy for a bit there.
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hopetofantasy · 3 years
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‘HUMO’s big youth survey - Sex, love and relationships’ - With Nathan Bouts
- TW: explicit content and mentions of sexual assault, intimidation, getting drugged, (internalized) homophobia, slutshaming, dubious consent, sexualization -
‘How does youth look at love? Do they go all out or keep it safe with a round of virtual sex? An experienced trio may reveal it all: Billie Leyers (25) is the third child from the well-known family Leyers and singer-song writer. Marie Van Uytvanck (21) recently kicked it off with her band Kids With Buns all the way to the semi-finals of ‘Humo’s Rock Rally’. For the testosterone at this table we’ve got Nathan Bouts (22), actor in the youth series ‘wtFOCK’. ‘I long for some spontaneity again. May I squeeze your butt?’
- Note from hopetofantasy: Marie is the same person who made the LGBT+ podcast, where Yara Veyt talked about her sexuality. -
The first number: 6 out of 10 youngsters think a serious relationship is important. Do you guys dream about that? Billie Leyers: “A lot of my girl friends are really looking for steady relationships. I’m not that type of person, I’d like to see what crosses my path. But for some kind of reason I still end up in one. Since I’ve been sexually active - soon it’ll be 10 years ago: huray! - I’ve had three long relationships. Now I’ve been together with Jasper (Maekelberg, from ‘Faces on TV’) for two and a half years. Coincidentally, it’s the man I wish to grow old with.” Nathan Bouts: “I think a serious relationship is a nice idea, but at the moment I don’t have one.” What kind of boxes should a potential partner tick on your list? Nathan Bouts: “Sounds pretentious, but I want someone with a certain intellectual level, someone I can talk to. She must be sure of herself.” Billie Leyers: “It’s the same for me. It doesn’t matter if someone is a good plumber, an actor or a musician, he should come home and talk about his day with passion. The biggest turn-off is someone who just smokes joints on a couch and doesn’t know how to handle his life.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “I might have a really weird box to tick: if I get to know someone, I want to see her Spotify-playlist. I can be really attracted to someone with the right playlist.”
Has Spotify provided you with a relationship yet? Marie Van Uytvanck: “Not yet. The fact that I was stuck in the closet for a long time, sure has something to do with that. I think a lot of people might have wondered for a long time if I was asexual. So, no. It just took me seven years before I was completely ready to share it with everyone.” You made a podcast about it: the ‘Uit De PodKast’. There, you talk about how you’ve told your parents. Marie Van Uytvanck: “Friends knew it already, but I waited a long time to come out at home. Actually, my parents just know about it recently: I’ve told them during lockdown, with a letter. Their reaction was really sweet. They mostly felt shitty for me, because I felt unhappy about it for years on end - I’ve known I liked girls since I was 14. I’ve never had a serious relationship, but I’ve dated someone for a long time. Even that was very complicated, because I was still in the closet. So we saw each other in secret at a café across the country (*laughs*). Ridiculous: two girls could sit next to one another perfectly, without people thinking they’d be on a date.” How is your relationship with your parents? I’m wondering, because there doesn’t seem to be a conflict between generations with the current one: four out of ten would even like to live in the same area as their parents.  Marie Van Uytvanck: “Since I came out to them, our bond has strengthened. Right before my coming out, it was a bit weird. During that time we went on vacation together. I’ve never longed for my own dorm more than on that trip. But now, I like to hug my mom all the time. The big secret isn’t a road block between us anymore.” Billie Leyers: “I live with my partner, but I get a long with my parents very well. Sometimes too much, I guess. If I didn’t call them or one of my sisters by noon, then Jasper asks me what’s wrong. Why should we even rebel to our parents? I’ve got the impression that their generation was far more rock-and-roll than ours. My dad gets annoyed at the festivals nowadays: opening bags and searching people, what’s rock-and-roll about that? Back in his days, everything was far more relaxed. They were the generation of the orgies. I wouldn’t mind to go back to that. It’s all too goody-goody now.” RETWEET! Out of all the serious relationships between young people, one out of five people met online. Five years ago, that number was only 15 percent.  Marie Van Uytvanck: “I’ve done it a few times, but I don’t think Tinder dating is pleasant. The idea that you meet someone and have to approve them, doesn’t feel right to me. Spontaneously meeting someone in-person with whom it clicks, seems way more fun. Even when it’s not that easy, since I fall for people of the same sex.” Billie Leyers: “I’ve got zero experience with Tinder. My relationships always started at school.” Like 1 out of 3 youngsters.  Billie Leyers: “I’ve met Jasper at school too: he was the mentor for my thesis. So yeah, I’ve run off with the teacher (*laughs*). I’ve seen it in my environment though, online dating. They’d be chatting for weeks or months, eventually meet up and then find out that there is no spark between them. It’s a shame, three months of your life in the thrash.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “Of course: you’ve been idolizing them for a while. Also, in a chat conversation you can still think before you send something, so no mistakes either.” Corona has been an obstacle in the life of the single: 73 percent of them hasn’t had new dates since March.  Nathan Bouts: “I didn’t experience the lockdown as dramatic. I just completely focussed on my music. With results, since my first single will be released soon.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “So you didn’t do anything the whole time? Not that I’ve done illegal dates during lockdown, but afterwards I’ve had some new dates. And no, it wasn’t always with social distance or face masks. Dating like that, seems a bit weird, no? (*Speaks to Billie*) Wasn’t it hard for you guys, as a couple?” Billie Leyers: “With a lot of couples it was the one or the other: they fell in love more than ever or it was over. It went surprisingly well with us: we’re perfectly in tune with each other. We give each other the much needed space.” Nathan Bouts: “That’s a great relationship you have! It seems fun to have something similar during the next lockdown, even though I’m kinda attached to my own independence. I’ve had a relationship of three years. If we were together for a week, I needed a few days to myself afterwards. Also, I think it’s terrible to sleep next to someone.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “Retweet! I’ve got the exact same. During the day, I’m already all over the place: I’ve got ADHD and talk too much. So when I get home, I’d like to go to bed, lay in my own smell.”
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SQUIRREL IN BED Only 5 percent of serious teen relationship have met each other at a café. Do you guys walk up to someone at the bar? Billie Leyers: “Only the creepy types still do that. ‘You seem nice. Can I have your number?’ Then you leap back immediately, if you’re a woman.” Nathan Bouts: “Really? I think a guy could still do that though. I don’t - I hate flirting - but I see a lot of friends of mine do the same. They even use me. Then they pull me along at my arm, until the girl - they like to hit on - sees me: “Look, it’s my friend, Jens from ‘wtFOCK’. My character is a somewhat chill dude without any complexes, who’s seriously confident, so that resonates with the ladies. I don’t want to use that to impress them, but my friends don’t get it: ‘Why don’t you use that attention to sleep around?’.” That would be the 14 percent who fits the statement: if you’re young, you have to try as many sex partners as you like. Billie Leyers: “I’m not a guy, but the time you could dance with a girl and suddenly kiss her on the mouth, is completely behind us, I guess. If you’re not careful, they could accuse you of sexual assault afterwards. I long for a time we could do that again. Not that I’m pro-sexual assault, but a little bit of spontaneity is allowed, right? Everything has a question mark now: may I kiss you? May I squeeze your butt? Life has gotten less romantic.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “At parties, I still see - excuse me: saw - that happening, though: squeezing the butt. All my girl friends are bothered by it.” Nathan Bouts: “(*nods*) Some of my friends can’t go out for an evening of dancing without some dude grinding against them.” Billie Leyers: “But those are the creepy types. Only them still dare to try. Although: a while ago, I was walking over the Groenplaats with my bike in hand. Suddenly some guy asked me timidly if he could walk along. First I thought it was weird, but it was kinda cute too. He walked with me and said goodbye in a polite way. He probably noticed that my ‘I’m taken’-light was on. If I was single, I might have given him my number. That would be a nice story, right?” Do you think, just like almost one out of three young people, that #metoo is being greatly exaggerated? When asked the guys, it’s even 38 percent. Billie Leyers: “Difficult topic. I’m not that into hashtag MeToo, I guess.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “You have to be careful with statements like that. I do think people abuse the #metoo to get attention. It’s a small amount of people, but like that, they ensure that serious issues get cast into the shadow and that people even use the hashtag as a joke.” Something is happening though: 1 out of 4 girls say they’ve experienced sexual assault and intimidation. Billie Leyers: “Are those also the girls who get squeezed in the butt? For me, sexual intimidation resonates more with skewed balances of power at work. It’s still disgusting of course, but different than someone who puts his hand on your arm at the bar. I think we’ve gone too far in that issue. We’re all human and fumble about.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “You’re right in that. One time, there was a guy a few meters away, starting at a girl on the dance floor. Okay, that wasn’t nice, but it was the ‘Gentse Feesten’ (= a 10-day music and theatre festival in Ghent, known for its partying until the late hours) and everyone was drunk. Suddenly that girl said: ‘I’m gonna fix this.’ She went to get security and they tossed the guy out, while everyone was looking at him as if he was the biggest pervert, who assaulted her. On the other hand, I heard a lot of complaints of girls that they’ve been drugged at parties too.” Nathan Bouts: “Not only girls experience that. I was at a party once and a girl put a bottle of water in my hand, while asking: ‘You thirsty?’. I don’t know if that water was meant for me, but I’m sure they put something in it: I felt weird and dizzy afterwards, I barely made it home with my bike. At home, I sat on the toilet for three hours, not knowing where I was.” Of the girls who had sex, a third did experience it (once) against their wishes. 16 percent of guys state the same. Marie Van Uytvanck: “Last year I was on a trip to Berlin with my class. In the club a woman drugged one of the boys and got him off. If that’s not assault, I don’t know it anymore... But the weird thing was: the boy acted as if nothing was wrong. He even seemed proud of it.” Billie Leyers: “For men, the cliché still stands: every guy likes to get a blowjob. If the guy was proud for real, though, there shouldn’t be a problem.” Did you experience sex against your will, Nathan? Nathan Bouts: “Not really against my will, but it happens that I lose the desire halfway through. It’s my own issue: I get distracted really easily. I could be having sex and suddenly think: why did Nelson Mandela die? Or which color should I paint my wall?” Marie Van Uytvanck: “So relatable. Do you have ADHD too?” Nathan Bouts: “Could be: I’ve got the attention span of a squirrel. Sometimes I can get distracted by the abstract aspect of ‘sex’ itself: what in god’s name is my body actually doing? Then it suddenly gets too graphic.” Now I’m very curious of your first time. Nathan Bouts: “Terrible! When I was 14, I was going to, but then she changed her mind. I didn’t mind that it eventually took a few years: I was 17. What can I say about it? The expectations were high, but not a lot happened.” Billie Leyers: “Isn’t the first time clumsy for everyone? (*to HUMO*) Don’t you have any statistics about that?” Not about that, but I do have numbers about the age of young people when they first have sex. Guess. Nathan Bouts: “Pretty young, I guess. 14? 15? That’s what I hear around me.” 16,7. That’s barely a difference with 2015 (16,6) or even 2010 (16,8). And everyone keeps thinking that young people do it at a younger age. Billie Leyers: “I’ve had a false start, like Nathan: when I was 14, it almost happened. But as soon it was clear that he was going for more, I thought: ‘ho, we’re not going to do that!’ After that experience, it took me two more years before I went all the way. (*to Marie*) So, question: have you ever felt something for a guy?” Marie Van Uytvanck: “Yes. I can feel sexually attracted to a boy, but not romantically. I don’t get butterflies in my stomach for boys.” Five years ago 70 percent of girls thought love and sex should always go together, now only half thinks that way - just like the guys. Do girls have more meaningless one night stands too? Marie Van Uytvanck: “Just with someone random? I don’t like that at all.” Billie Leyers: “I think it might be something. I told before that I usually have long relationships, but in that period between two relationships my inner Samantha from ‘Sex and the city’ emerges and then I could go for a one night stand. When I’m single, I’m a different version of myself, more animal than human, and totally focussed on the physical.” Never had a bad experience? Billie Leyers: “Oh, I did. Once I thought, even before it ended: oops, I shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t stay the night, but I left at 6 o’clock in the morning. The regret already appeared. With a good one night stand, both parties are on the same wavelength: you both know it’s noncommittal, almost for sport.” Don’t you get looks for that, as a woman? Billie Leyers: “I’m not the last drunk girl on the dance floor and someone who sits on some other guys’ lap a half an hour later. If you go to your place with a one night stand in a discreet way, nobody will point fingers.” Nathan Bouts: “I wish I could do that, cut sex from love, but I’m too self-conscious for one night stands. Before I can be completely vulnerable, I have to know the other person through and through. Once, I’ve tried it, but as soon as we were laying in bed, I didn’t felt the spark anymore and I just wanted to leave. I couldn’t even get him up. I did went down on the girl and apologized: ‘Sorry, I don’t think more than this will happen’.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “Crazy that I heard that from a guy’s mouth, for once.” The young people who did have sex, have done it with an average of five different people. In 2015 it still was 3,3. With guys, the number is even higher than girls: seven compared to three. Nathan Bouts: “I’m far below that: I’ve only been with two girls in total.” Billie Leyers: “(*shocked*) Really? I’ve got more. That’s probably my Samantha that has something to do with that.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “I didn’t have that many sex partners either, especially with the whole closet-thing. If you have sex with a woman, then the question remains: what’s sex and what’s foreplay? Do you count going down as sex or foreplay? Even among us, dykes, we’ve got that kind of conversations. Everyone sees that differently.” Should you, as a girl, better name a lower number every time when it comes to sexual partners? Billie Leyers: “I guess you better not say a number higher than the average.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “I don’t have that impression. Don’t boys experience the same, nowadays? ‘He fucks everyone’.” Nathan Bouts: “Actually, yes. Men can be sluts too.” TRIO WITH A LOG From the survey we can conclude that girls go for partners of the same sex far more than boys.  Billie Leyers: “Between my almost-first time and my real first time, I’ve been with a girl for a year. She was my best friend. Our first kiss was a joke, but soon enough it turned into something serious. We were in love, although you should take that with a grain of salt: we were in love like 15-year-olds could be in love. They didn’t know that at home: I only stayed over at her place for a suspicious amount. I can still feel attracted to girls, but I couldn’t be with a girl anymore. Emotionally, it’s too much and physical it’s too less.” Nathan Bouts: “Boys won’t admit quickly that they would like to try something with a boy. We still live in a macho culture.” The statistics are worrying: 1 out of 6 boys think it’s a problem if there’s a gay friend within their group. A quarter doesn’t think having a transgender between their mates is okay. Nathan Bouts: “I’ve kissed a dude before. I don’t think it’s disgusting at all. I can still look at a man and think: that’s a handsome man. Not that I have the desire to give him a blowjob, far from it, but objectively, I can still find a man beautiful. I think a lot of men think like that, but won’t dare to admit it. For me, that seems like bottled up macho frustrations. I’m not bothered by it.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “When I was prepubescent, I had a weird phase where I didn’t notice that I might be gay, even though it was as obvious as it could be. Not that I participated in gay bashing or made homophobic comments, but I pretended that I thought it was disgusting. I was probably scared of how people would look at me if they knew. (*to Nathan*) Did you know you’re in my podcast? I’m using a scene from wtFOCK where your voice can be heard. It’s such an amazing tv series for young people who are gay, because you guys treat it as a normal thing. As a teen, I missed characters or storylines where I could recognize myself in.” Nathan Bouts: “We’ve often received reactions from young people who are grateful for what we did. Because of us, they took that step to come out.” For the first time, we asked young people to define themselves. 9 percent checked the ‘bisexual’ box, 4 percent call themselves ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’. How do you guys define yourself? Marie Van Uytvanck: “I’m homo-romantic and bisexual, but you can call me gay. Rather that than ‘lesbian’, because that sounds ugly.” Billie Leyers: “I think all those labels are a bit tiring.” Nathan Bouts: “Me too. If I have to, I’ll define myself as heterosexual, but at the same time I think it’s difficult to label myself. Who knows if in one year, I’ll meet a man whom I could fall in love with.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “Nice that you can admit that, as a man.” Something seems wrong with the tolerance of boys: two girls who walk hand-in-hand, is a problem for 7 percent of them and 28 percent still thinks it’s weird. Marie Van Uytvanck: “I never walk hand-in-hand on the street, but I wouldn’t do that with a boy either. I simply don’t like it. From the girls who do, I hear that they keep getting sexualized: then they’ll get horny comments directed at them.” Nathan Bouts: “It’s because of porn: lesbian porn is the most viewed category - I read that somewhere.” Are you part of the 30 percent that has seen porn with their partner? Nathan Bouts: “With a partner, I wouldn’t do that. You still have each other?” Billie Leyers: “Nowadays everyone can admit that they watch porn. Watching it together has a certain thrill to it. You’re getting horny by watching the same thing, without touching each other. That’s part of the fun.” Nathan Bouts: “Hm, maybe I should try it.” Something else you could try: sex with multiple partners at once. 6 percent of the sexual active youth has done it. Nathan Bouts: “I don’t know if that’s my ambition, a threesome. It would make me even more self-conscious. And I would think of the practical stuff: how do I organize that? What’s my role? Do I have enough hands to pleasure everyone?” Billie Leyers: “(*laughs*) You’ll need a log!” Marie Van Uytvanck: “Nowadays you see that question pass by a lot on Tinder: couples seeking a third party.” Billie Leyers: “In that concept, I would only like to be the guest star. It’s probably terrible to be the girl in that couple. Immediately, the next day, you’ll think: ‘Will my partner think she was more pretty or better?’ I would only get more insecure.” RACY MATERIALS And what about virtual sex? Of the experienced youngster, a third has done it. In 2015, it was only a quarter of them.  Marie Van Uytvanck: “I wouldn’t dare. I already think that people spy on me through my camera. I would be scared to end up like those three famous people.” (= Two months ago, the nudes from three famous Belgian people were leaked and shared without consent on the internet, causing a storm in their personal lives as well as their fanbase and the Belgian people.)  Billie Leyers: “Every time the conversation comes up, I think: I’m so happy I didn’t have to go through that.” Nathan Bouts: “Absolutely. (*makes a cross for good luck*) I’ve send a nude pic once too, but never with my face on it. Even if that gets leaked, nobody will know that it’s me.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “Will we ever know what happened with those people? Who knows, it might’ve been a hacker.” Who of you have seen the images? Marie Van Uytvanck: “Someone pushed them in my face, but I’m kinda blind - my sight is 3 out of 10 - so I didn’t see a lot (*laughs*).” Billie Leyers: “I’m teaching at an art school and I’ve heard 13-year-old girls scream to each other: ‘I’ve got Peter de Veire!’ As if it’s about Pokémon cards you could collect. I corrected her: ‘It’s Peter VAN de Veire and don’t you have something better to do?’.” Do you still dare to do it, sexting? Billie Leyers: “Yes. If my partner is on tour for three weeks, then it might derail to sending each other racy materials. But our bond of trust is strong. Plus: it feels comfortable to know that you have as much incriminating evidence of the other on your cell phone as he has of you.” In ‘De Morgen’, there was an article about the sexting-scandal, with the headline: ‘The spread position between prudish and voyeurism.’ Which side is the youth leaning into? Billie Leyers: “I wouldn’t know. On the one hand, you’ve got Cardi B who’s rapping about wet ass pussy and that sex is the most normal thing in the world, but if you click on a clip of one of those famous people, you’re suddenly a criminal. A weird position, yes.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “Nowadays with every topic, you’ve got two groups. Is Cardi B now the ultimate feminist or is her song just vulgar? It’s the first one for me. I think it’s cool if women can sing about their pussy too, whilst men can rap ‘suck my dick’ for years and nobody bats an eye.” Nathan Bouts: “I’m not a fan of the song, but it’s good that they talk about it. Except: if I open TikTok and see 9-year-old grind on that song, then I think: what image are they growing up with? Two females with fake breasts and a collagen butt who roll over the floor: soon they’ll think that every women needs to look like that.” Let’s end with romance: do you see yourself ever getting married? Almost 1 out of 4 think marriage is outdated.  Nathan Bouts: “I don’t think so. Too expensive and too much effort.” Billie Leyers: “It doesn’t have to be expensive? I see the principle of marriage starting a revival soon. I would like to get married.” And then get two children? An average of two, like most young people? Billie Leyers: “I used to say ‘when I grow up, I want to have 12 children’. That’s because I’m from a big family myself, as were my parents. When the Leyers-clan organizes a family day, we need our own venue.” Marie Van Uytvanck: “I want to have kids, I just don’t want to push them out myself. The idea that a child grows inside you, I don’t like that.” Nathan Bouts: “I want kids too. Two to start, and then we’ll see. Some time ago, I saw a kid on the tram and thought tenderly: ‘A child of my own...’ A slight surge of nesting instinct, I guess.”
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tmnt-mags · 3 years
Text
Raphael x Fem!Reader
Reader is April's little sister and meets the turtles through her. I changed the ages and timeline a bit just because I don't feel entirely comfortable writing the turtles as 15 year old kids. SO the turtles are 18 the reader is 17 nearing 18 and april is 27.
Warnings: some mention of parent death, but nothing else!
Part 1/ ??
Im still pretty new at writing fanfic and have only done a few and this is my very first tmnt one. Constructive criticism and nice things only please!
I didn't remember my dad. My mother gave birth to me a month before his death. I didn’t remember him but my big sister April did. She told me everything she could about him, all kinds of stories and old home videos. It's almost like I know him but I don’t. Sometimes it's sad and I wish for nothing more than to have some memories with him, but I’ve had a good life and have a great family. I’ve lived with my sister since our mom passed 2 years ago from cancer. I miss her a lot, but I like living with April and I love our apartment.
We both have a deep love for media. She is a reporter with Channel 6 and I started making youtube videos right around the time mom died. It was like a video diary back then and has since turned into something completely different, though there are the occasional personal diary type videos.
I was wearing my favorite oversized sweater. It was a deep forest green and nearly reached my knees. It was worn and a bit tattered in some places, but it was the coziest thing ever.. I was barefoot in the kitchen listening to April talking about the latest Foot Clan activity and thinking about the questions she was planning for some guy who worked on the docks. She had convinced her camera guy Vern to take her over there before they shot her morning segment.
“You’re gonna be late!” I called into the living room while putting some breakfastt in a container for her to take on the road.
“Thank you shorty,” She rushed in and gave me a kiss on the cheek as she grabbed her breakfast and rushed out of the kitchen again to grab her bag “I’ll either be back for dinner or late!”
“That's really specific April,” I mutter as a lean in the kitchen doorway and watch her check her purse. “Do you have your touchup bag and your toothbrush?”
April let out a small gasp and rushed back to the bathroom. She came back out with a bag, gathered her things and blew a kiss as she ran out the door. I let out a laugh and went to eat my own food.
I spent the day editing a new video. I just hit 700k last week so I was making a special video to celebrate. It had some songs that I had covered laid over a video of me painting a portrait of my mother and father. It was taken a year before he had died and they had gone on a weekend getaway in the Appalachian mountains.
I didn't look up until April burst through the door. It was already dark out and I hadn’t even noticed.
“I just witnessed a Foot Clan attack!” she called as she walked through the apartment.
“What? Oh my god! Are you okay?” I practically jumped up and followed her as she began pacing around the living room. “April? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine! There I was at the docks trying to get some answers and then BAM! They were there!” She went on about the attack and then started about some kind of vigilante that fought them off.
“Vigilante? Are you serious?” She didn't answer, she just went into her room. I sat back down on the couch and tried to process what she had said. In the end I shook it off and went get some dinner ready.
Over the next few days April was hard to find. She seemed to be constantly on the move and didn't answer her phone. She came home talking about dad's old experiments and giant turtles, and over the next 2 days seemed to just be gone. The spire on the Sacks building fell and The Shredder, who was the leader of the Foot Clan, was arrested and Eric Sacks was revealed to have been working alongside him the whole time. It was a wild time for New York, and April was suddenly quiet about the vigilantes.
Time began to move on and April started talking about these 4 new friends she had that were brothers. They seemed like a fun nice group, and the stories she shared were great.
“So,” I started as we sat together on the couch, “when do I get to meet the brothers?”
April choked on her glass of white wine. “What? Meet them?”
“Yeah, You talk about them all the time! I would like to meet them. They’re all you’ve been talking about for like 3 weeks.” I said as I pushed her with my foot.
“Ummm,” April stopped to think and had a vague look of concern on her face, “I'm not sure actually. They’re pretty busy guys.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Uh-huh. If you don't want me to meet them just say so. I was just curious.” I turn my face away from her.
“No it's not that, It's just they’re kinda shy. They don’t really like meeting people.” April's face said that she was telling a lie.
“Okay.” I left it at that clearly something is bugging her about me meeting her friends.
April-
April went to spend some time with the boys, but couldn’t stop thinking about them meeting her little sister. How would she react? She thought to herself, ‘I fainted when I met them, and there are still times when it kinda freaks me out a bit. I don’t want my baby sister to get scared and I don’t want the boys to get hurt because of it.’ They had tried to act like April’s reaction didn’t hurt them, but she knew it did. ‘I just want everyone to be happy.’ She was sitting in the lair watching the boys fight and Mikey brought up their Christmas pop album again. She smiled, (y/n) loved music and often performed covers on YouTube. She was really good at it. She had even written her own songs but at this point refused to release or talk about them on her channel.
“April, is something troubling you?” The brunette turned, surprised to see Master Splinter.
“Oh it’s nothing really.” She paused, “Actually could we talk? I am having some trouble.” Splinter nodded and gestured for her to follow. Not answering the questioning looks of the brothers, they went into Hashi.
“The boys avoid this room as much as possible,” Splinter said with a chuckle, “they will not listen in in here.”
“Makes sense,” April laughed and sat down on a mat with Splinter while looking at the odd structures in the room, “I’m having some trouble with my sister.”
“Oh yes, little (y/n) she had only just been born. I believe your father brought her down to the lab twice in those last weeks.” He thought back fondly on the small soft baby that looked so tiny in the arms of her father but so big compared to him then. “ what is it that is wrong?”
“She wants to meet the brothers. She doesn’t know that they are turtles, but she knows I have new friends.” April said looking down, “ we are very open. We’re the only family we have left so we always know each other's friends. It’s a safety thing I guess.”
Master Splinter hummed and looked at April, who continued.
“She wants to meet them and honestly I want her to too! I think they would all get along so well and I think the boys would adore her. It would also be nice to know that there are 4 ninjas who would look out for her.” April sighed and looked up at the ceiling.
“I just don’t want the boys to get hurt. What if she is afraid of them? What if she screams and calls them monsters or freaks? What if she passes out or cries. It would hurt them so much, and I don’t want to see my sister frightened anyway.” April’s shoulders slumped and she lowered her face to look across at Splinter.
“You know your sister well? Do you think she will react this way?” The rat questioned.
“I don’t know. This isn’t exactly a situation that has ever come up before or one I ever thought I would be in.” She played with her fingers in her lap and she watched him stroke his beard.
“I think you know your sister well and know what would be the best course of action.” He smiled, “I think the trouble now will be convincing the boys to risk meeting her. I have no doubt that it will be a split crowd.”
April nodded and gave a kind of exasperated smile. She knew exactly what he was talking about. Mikey and Ralph would agree, Donnie was iffy, but Leo would say no.
“Thank you Splinter. That does actually help. Do you mind if I stay in here a bit longer?” She asked.
“Go ahead child. Take your time.” Splinter got up and left the Hashi.
April sat and thought about what he had said. She thought back to everything she knew about her sister and what she knew of the boys. If her sister could be accepting she knew that they could have a great friendship. The boys were half a year older than her and they didn't know anyone their age. It would be nice for them to have that she thought. She knew Mikey would be super friendly right away, maybe even too friendly. Donnie would be polite but wary at first and a bit excited. Raph would be happy just to meet another person, but Leo would be cold. She feared that he would be distant and unapproachable and she knew her sister well enough to know she wouldn't be able to handle that.
She took her time and eventually rejoined the brothers. She brushed off their questions with a simple: “I needed advice.” She sat down with them as they all talked and joked around. Finally Donnie brought up the perfect opportunity.
“April you're lucky you don't have brothers.” He said as Mikey bombarded him with insane ideas for gadgets.
“Well I don't have any brothers but I do have a baby sister.” The turtles all turned towards her clearly shocked by this news. “She's actually about 4 months from turning 18.”
“Woah Angelcakes, We didn't know you had a lil’ sis. Is she as beautiful as you?” Mikey said while batting his eyes at her.
“I think she is absolutely gorgeous, and she sings and does art. She’s about to be a senior in high school.” April said while leaning closer to mikey. “Shes shorter than me and has curves for days. She used to be on the dance team actually.” April laughed and Mikey threw himself back and fanned himself with his hand.
“Why haven't you mentioned her?” Leo asked.
“You never asked if I had any siblings. She was born a few weeks before my dad died.” April smiled sadly at that “She actually asked if she could meet you.”
The boys seemed to freeze at that, and suddenly all eyes were on her.
“You told about us?”. Raph asked.
“Kinda. I might have left out the part about being ninja turtles, but I told her about my new friends and she wants to meet you guys.” Raph scoffed at her answer.
“So you didn't actually tell her about us.” He almost snapped at her.
“Cool it Raph.” leo warned.
“I don't wanna be looked at like a freak. She won't want to meet us when she sees us.” he stood up and walked off. April looked at the others who all looked like they wanted to disagree and agree with Raph at the same time.
“Sorry angelcakes, I'm sure baby angelcakes is great though.” Mikey shrugged.
April sat in disbelief that they all basically said no. The lair was quiet after that and she left after they ate some dinner.
She got home only to remember her sister was spending the night at her friends house. So she had the place all to herself. She let out a sigh and poured herself a tall glass of wine and sat on the couch thinking about the events of the day. She came up with a plan as she finished her cup and decided that by the end of the week they boys will have met her baby sister. She grabbed her phone and invited the boys to come hang out at her place for once this upcoming weekend. They didn't even ask if her sister would be there.
(Y/N)-
April had gone out to pick up some pizza for a late night dinner. I had school, homework, and some video editing to do and forgot to cook. April came home late and said not to worry about it and would grab some pizza. Her new favorite place didn’t offer delivery so she went to go get it. I decided that a nice hot shower sounded good and went in. I got out as I heard the front door open and close. I made my way to my room about to throw on my favorite green sweater only to remember that It had been washed and was in the dryer. So, I wrapped my towel back around me and opened my door to head out into the living room. I walked out and looked up only to meet with 4 pairs of eyes.
“Oh my bad,” I said, turning to go back to my room only to stop and turn right back around. “Ummmm…” I trailed off not sure what to say as I stared at 4 very large, very green, oddly human like turtles, all while in a bath towel that left most of my left hip exposed.
“Oh hi (y/n). I forgot to mention I had friends coming over.” April said walking into the room. “You might wanna put some clothes on though.”
“Yeah…” I said not able to look away from the very large turtle creatures sitting in the living room.
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thecrownnet · 3 years
Link
October 3, 2020
Series four of The Crown takes on Princess Diana: exclusive pictures and interviews Charles has found a wife, Andy’s got a racy new girlfriend and Thatcher’s coming for tea... Megan Agnew gets an exclusive tour behind the scenes of the most wild and lavish series yet
Lasers. That’s what helped Emma Corrin understand Princess Diana in the latest series of The Crown. When the cameras were rolling, she imagined that lasers were pointing at her, as if she were in a spy film or a bank heist drama. It was her way of imagining hundreds of people staring right at her. Lasers helped her with the iconic Diana head tilt. She pretended she was shying away from them.
Corrin could also draw on her own trajectory as a 24-year-old actress. Before landing her part in The Crown, she was an unknown. Suddenly “there’s a huge amount of pressure”, she says.
When I visit the set at Winchester Cathedral, which is pretending to be St Paul’s, the paparazzi arrive to catch Corrin pretending to be Diana. She’s dressed in a replica of the outfit they papped at the actual royal wedding rehearsal almost 40 years ago. Every time she moves between buildings and trailers, Corrin has to be shielded with umbrellas. Life imitates art imitates life.
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Almost every person Corrin has spoken to since getting the role has their own “Diana moment” — they might once have waved at her car in the street, been a pupil at a school she visited or knew someone who sat next to her at a dinner. Diana was one of the first celebrities to whom people laid claim. “Everyone has this ownership,” says Corrin. She was, and still is, the People’s Princess. But Corrin is trying not to think too much about it. Public expectation has been “overwhelming since the beginning”, she says. She wants to do Diana “proud”. “I know that’s strange and cheesy, but I feel like I know her.”
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Emma Corrin as Princess Diana/ NETFLIX
The first television series of The Crown, which aired in 2016, was at the time the most expensive in history. Each series since has been estimated to have cost upwards of £50 million. The first two covered the first decade of Elizabeth II’s rule to wide acclaim, but series three — in which Her Majesty Claire Foy was succeeded by Olivia Colman — had mixed reviews. “The jewel in Netflix’s tiara has lost its shine,” said one. It was “okay”, said another.
Now, with series four’s reported £100 million budget eclipsing the Queen’s own sovereign grant last year of £82.2 million, The Crown is barrelling straight into the Eighties era of celebrity glamour and modern party politics grit. Peter Morgan, the show’s creator, is taking on two of the most controversial public figures of the past 50 years: Princess Diana and Margaret Thatcher. “The word ‘iconic’ is overused, but in the case of these two women quite justified,” Morgan says. Both have passionate fans and detractors. “Writing them was a bit of a high-wire act, but it was exhilarating.”
We meet Diana as a teenager, scampering around her huge family home in Northamptonshire. She is young and apologetic. The Prince of Wales, at that time dating her eldest sister, is rather distracted. A number of years later, Diana is leaving her relatively modest flat in Earls Court and her job as a nursery school assistant to move into Clarence House — but finds herself in solitude. Bored and lonely, 19-year-old Diana rollerskates down corridors to Duran Duran and sits all by herself in her chamber. One night, after finding out about Prince Charles’s affair with Camilla Parker Bowles, she gorges on puddings and makes herself vomit them back up.
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Behind the scenes: the latest series of The Crown/ NETFLIX
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*Spoilers*
It is a dark moment that Corrin wanted to get right. She listened to real-life accounts of people who had suffered from bulimia and talked with experts from the eating disorder charity Beat. Diana herself said that it was the most “discreet” way of harming herself: “Everyone in the family knew about the bulimia,” she said in recordings from the 1990s later made into a Channel 4 documentary.
“Drawing on my experience,” says Corrin, “not that I’ve experienced that kind of self-harm, but mental health in general, it can lead you down a very dark path when you’re struggling to cope, when things feel out of control. Diana very much doesn’t have the love and comfort and attention she needs from the man she loves or the family, who aren’t really acting as a family to her. There is a build-up of emotion she can’t deal with and making herself sick is a way of taking back control.”
When Josh O’Connor, who plays the Prince of Wales, first read the script for this series he thought: “Oh God, how can Charles be like that to Diana? But he feels wronged. He feels like she has an addiction to the spotlight,” he says. “I have to feel sympathy for him in that world. This is a family who have an intense inability to be emotional and he has inherited that awkwardness. In this series there’s an awful lot of Charles trying to explain himself and not being allowed to. He’s trying to say that if he can be with Camilla, then at least two of the three people can be happy. As it is, there’s three miserable people.”
The Crown works differently to other shows in that the “writers’ room” is not made up of writers but researchers, who constantly feed back to Morgan, the king of The Crown. It means that for each word eventually spoken on film, there are pages and pages of briefing notes. Annie Sulzberger, head of research, started this series by hiring a young team. “I wanted people who did not grow up believing one or the other [Diana and Thatcher],” she says. “You have to be curious enough and ignorant enough, I suppose, to write the kind of work we need.”
This series will span the Thatcher years — 1979 to 1990 — and will include the assassination of Charles’s great-uncle, Lord Mountbatten, by the IRA, Charles and Diana’s wedding, and the Falklands War. Once the team has laid out a timeline, Morgan picks out the events he wants to feature. The research team starts to hone in on each, getting increasingly “micro” in their investigations. In the making of this series, one of the team spent two weeks researching the label on a bottle of wine from which a character briefly swigs.
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Dress rehearsal: Josh O’Connor and Emma Corrin act out Charles and Diana’s wedding run-through/ NETFLIX
As the show has progressed, the fact-checking work has multiplied, thanks to the tabloid journalism of the 1980s. “It’s not just about words being printed,” Sulzberger says, “but who wrote it. Diana will become very close with a journalist called Richard Kay and feed him information, and Charles’s team will do the same. So you need to start unpicking the biographies of all the writers in order to know that what you’re doing has some objectivity.”
Did the team speak to any of Diana’s family or friends? “No.” Do the producers give any material to the Palace to see beforehand? “No. We have no connection to them that would result in editorial shifts. These are real people, these are real stories and we are filling in the moments that aren’t recorded — private conversations, moments of reflection, philosophical moments.”
When I ask Morgan if it’s true that he meets high-ranking courtiers four times a year, he is keen to clear up that he doesn’t. “I have never had any discussions with anyone actively working at the Palace,” he says. “The two worlds, the royal household and The Crown, exist in a world of mutual deniability, which I’m sure is every bit as important to them as it is to us.”
Corrin, though, did speak to Patrick Jephson, Diana’s private secretary, who appears as a fictionalised character in this series. “I got a sense of her joy from him,” Corrin says. “He said she was so naturally happy. When she joined the royal family, she had come from living with flatmates in Earls Court and she was a very normal girl. Patrick said she was still full of that girlish silliness, very down to earth.”
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The couple themselves at the real thing in 1981 MIKE LLOYD/SHUTTERSTOCK/REX
The executive producer Suzanne Mackie says that “particularly now” The Crown team feels a sense of responsibility “to living people, people’s children, people’s parents. Obviously what we don’t do is engage on a fact level with the royal family. We have a tacit understanding that they need distance from us and we need distance from them.”
It is a cold day in January and I am watching Charles and Diana’s wedding rehearsal in Winchester. About 75 per cent of the show is filmed on location around the world, over the course of seven months. The rest is filmed at the show’s base, Elstree Studios, just north of London.
Today in Winchester Cathedral there is a crew of 78 and a cast of almost 200. The sight is as epic as the show’s budget would suggest. Between takes, Corrin sits on the stone steps by the altar, scrolling on her iPhone with one hand and biting her fingernails on the other. Even before the clapperboard snaps shut, the resemblance between her and the princess is uncanny.
Sidonie Roberts, head buyer and assistant costume designer, has a timeline of photos of Diana covering the wall of her studio at Elstree. Roberts is devoted to the cause. She travels to Paris to buy buttons from the same shop the Queen’s dressmaker uses (it sells more than 30,000 types of button) and to Soho to rummage in basements for fabric. Last year she was in a Bangladeshi fabric shop in Brick Lane, east London, when she saw a roll of material right on the very top shelf. “It was still in its plastic, but I just knew — that’s Diana’s colour,” Roberts says. She got a ladder, climbed to the top, pulled down the fabric and bought it for £3.50 a metre. When Roberts got back to the studio at Elstree, she unrolled it and saw a stamp at the bottom: “The Lady Diana Collection, made in Japan.” Roberts did some research. It was real silk, from a collection made in the princess’s honour.
In the corner of the studio an assistant is gluing tiny pearls to Diana’s flat wedding shoes. She has been decorating them, exactly like the originals, for a day and a half. “We’ve had a long conversation about the size of those pearls,” says Roberts. David and Elizabeth Emanuel, who designed Diana’s original wedding dress, donated patterns to the show, which were used to make the new version. With its 25ft train, it took ten people to get Corrin into the dress. In the show it is seen in full, and only from behind, for no more than 15 seconds.
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Paying their respects: Olivia Colman as the Queen and the rest of the royal family at the funeral of Lord Mountbatten/ NETFLIX
Corrin is masterful at inhabiting Diana’s coyness — hunching her shoulders towards her ears as she walks, the smirk, her intonation. Diana’s voice was the “polar opposite” of the royals’, says William Conacher, The Crown’s dialect coach. “She moved her jaw twice as much, so her voice was more forward, open, easier to access, and I don’t think it’s especially revelatory to suggest accessibility was her shtick,” he says. “She used a minor key that made her seem vulnerable. Despite the Queen’s and Prince Charles’s accents being ‘stiffer’ to listen to, I think it comes entirely naturally, whereas I find Diana’s voice more studied. I think she spoke to have an effect.”
What sort of research did Colman do for series four’s Queen? “Yeah, I don’t do research,” she says when we speak on the phone in the summer. “The research team on The Crown is a bit like the British Library. It’s extraordinary, and when they kick in, your computer can’t really cope with the amount of stuff they send you.” Was there something in particular that the team sent her that made things click? “No.” There is a longish silence. It seems Colman’s royal duty is waning. “They’ve got every image and film of the Queen ever made. I’ve also got three kids, so I can’t spend all my time going through all of it.”
As she wraps up a second series of The Crown — Imelda Staunton will take over for five and six — Colman knows that she would “really not like” to have the Queen’s job. “There are very few people who are forced into a job and have no choice about it,” she says. “She’s done it with dignity, for decades, bless her. It’s amazing.”
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The funeral of Lord Mountbatten took place in 1979 BENTLEY ARCHIVE/POPPERFOTO/GETTY
If there were rumours of Elizabeth II being unhappy about the last series of The Crown, I can’t imagine she’ll be too chuffed about this one. Series four’s Queen is colder and more distant, and the effects of her duty on her children more obvious: Charles is heavy with melancholy, Anne feels unheard, Edward is portrayed as a spoilt bully and Andrew is dangerously arrogant.
Speaking of Andrew, there is a subtle nod towards recent events. At one point the prince discusses a young American actress he is dating. The actress had recently played a 17-year-old who must entertain several “old predators who seduce the vulnerable, helpless young Emily”. The real prince dated the actress Koo Stark in 1981, who had starred in The Awakening of Emily, which had a near-identical plot.
In series four, the pivotal relationship between the Queen and Margaret Thatcher begins well. They are respectful of one another as no-nonsense working mothers, but tensions arise — not least, over tea etiquette at Balmoral.
In preparation for her role as the Iron Lady, Gillian Anderson met Charles Moore, Thatcher’s biographer, as well as secretaries who worked with her. “The only way for me to go about sitting inside of her was to find the reason behind her actions — growing up, what she learnt from her father, how much she truly believed that she was the answer and as long as we all took the sour medicine now we’d be able to turn around this country, completely shutting her eyes to the people that she was turning out on the street.”
Anderson eventually “settled into” the body of Thatcher. “She walked very fast, always up ahead,” Anderson says. “She would power forward in front of presidents. With [Ronald] Reagan she would supposedly be alongside him, but was walking ahead. Always walking ahead of [husband] Denis, telling him to catch up.”
Thatcher’s barnet also features. In one scene she spends an asphyxiating four seconds hairspraying it in preparation for a showdown with the Queen. The hairdo took endless camera tests before Morgan was happy with it. “It essentially meant destroying it so it had an overprocessed ‘frothy’ quality,” says the hair and make-up designer Cate Hall. “To treat a wig so badly was against all of our instincts — they’re so expensive — but I’m grateful now that we went through the process with Peter, with him saying no, more, it’s not right, try again.”
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Clash of the titans: Margaret Thatcher, played by Gillian Anderson, is filmed meeting the Queen, played by Olivia Colman, in a memorable scene from series four/ NETFLIX
Series five will have a whole new cast. Colman says she is “not the sort of person who keeps the shoes of a character they played 20 years ago”. But Helena Bonham Carter is going to miss Princess Margaret. “She does pop out [in everyday life],” she says. “The other day I was at some public event and there was the normal scramble of people and I just told them, ‘No, shut up.’ The finger came out, which is very her, and I said, ‘Shut up and wait. Don’t get hysterical.’ So I’ve got the bossy side of her.”
Originally Morgan said there would be two more series after this one. Then he changed his mind, describing series five as “the perfect time and place to stop”. Now there are two more again (“To do justice to the richness and complexity of the story,” he reneged). The show is creeping closer to the modern day. It is now said to be ending in the 2000s, spanning, perhaps, Charles and Diana’s divorce, the deaths of Diana, Margaret and the Queen Mother, the marriage of Charles and Camilla, and the teenage and twentysomething princes. “I want to end it close enough to present day to feel that we have completed a long journey and distant enough to feel historical,” says Morgan. “I have a specific incident in mind, but until I’ve actually written it and seen if it works, I can’t commit to discussing it.”
On set with Mackie, I mention Harry and Meghan. “Too often,” the couple posted on their Instagram page that month, “we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring.” Is it possible, I ask Mackie, for the royal family to humanise themselves while still justifying their existence as something mightier, more important, regal? “That’s where you go wrong, as a public figure, letting light in on the magic, especially as a monarch,” she replies. “You have to be an ideal. After years and years of that subjugation of self in order to put duty first, you, the essence of you, is buried somewhere. The Queen is a tiny little person inside many, many Russian dolls.”
Series four of The Crown is available on Netflix from November 15
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ladyfluff · 4 years
Text
Boys Don’t Cry.
AN: baby it is over, it is here and we are easing into that ending here ya go. thank you all for reading, i’m happy to be able to add another book to my bookshelf! i am now very sleep deprived, i finished this at 6:20 am so sorry if there’s some minor blips, i’ll go over it later <3
Ben Howard - Old Pine
@beccaliciooouuusss​ @mylovelycrazyworld​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @kcd15​ @too-much-fandoms-oof​ @terry-perry​ @dangertoozmanykids101​ @toozmanykids​ @littleredstarfish​ @littlefrogstuff​ @devilbat​ @damalseer​ @wolfsmom1​ @kingtwhiddleston​ @wild-rose-35​ @princerowanwhitethorngalathynius​ @midnight-queen-1​ @tomshelbystits​ @acrossyourneck​ @thatweirdwalangpake​ @janebrownnie​ @theoneanna​ @cherrygeek86​ @sadchickenstuff​ @slutforhiddlebum​ @lisas-stuff-and-junk​
Part One.
Part Two.
Part Three.
Part Four.
Part Five.
Part Six.
Part Seven.
Part Eight.
Part Nine.
Part Ten.
Part Eleven.
Part Twelve.
Part Thirteen.
Part Fourteen.
Part Fifteen.
Part Sixteen.
Part Seventeen.
Part Eighteen.
Part Nineteen.
END.
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Jonathan couldn't breathe, sat upright in the bed. Staring into the darkness, his chest heaving. Sweating bullets from the nightmares, they still seemed so vivid. Practically smelling the metal, he could feel the sand between his fingers as he dug them into the mattress below. The summer heat didn't make it any better, Jonathan flinched as Aura pressed her palm against his chest.
''Shh...''
Jonathan leans against her, taking deep breaths. He counted down from five each time he inhaled and again with each exhale, just like she said. Aura made breathing so much easier, simply being around her helped a lot. She pressed a soft kiss to his temple, hugging him tightly.
''It's okay...''
Jonathan buried his nose in her neck, hiding away from the darkness. Inhaling the sweet smell of cinnamon, she was the safe space. Aura wanted to help him, the two of them lay back down. Jonathan didn't bother pull the covers over himself, needing the escape from the heat. His breathing calmed down but he wouldn't let go of her, he couldn't let go of the anchor. Not just yet, Aura lightly rakes her fingers through his hair. Earning a deep hum of appreciation, Jonathan had buttons he didn't know about.
''I've got you...''
The house was silent for another day.
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''We are already in the middle of a heatwave, you know!''
Jonathan felt his chest bubbling, the awful part of customer service was to deal with complaints. The guest in front of him red and sweaty from the intense summer warmth, the heatwave hadn't been merciful. A lot of shops were struggling to keep their stock cool, people were flocking into the shades and into the freezer sections of all stores in the country. Jonathan had been conditioned to intense heat, he could handle it fairly well but that didn't mean he didn't sweat. Wearing the suit wasn't exactly desired in this heat but the owner insisted, Jonathan hoped to persuade him to change his mind. Maybe allow a lighter attire, still formal but thinner in order to help the staff out a little bit.
''I'm very sorry sir, I will see to it that you will be transferred immediately.''
This guest's room hadn't been properly ventilated, all of their rooms had air conditioning but the unit in that particular room had been damaged about two days ago. Jonathan tried to let the night shift staff know of this so that they could pull the room out of the registry until the unit had been properly taken care of. Judging by the lack of cool air coming through, he would have to have it repaired or better yet, replaced. Jonathan tilts his head down, looking at the screen in front of him. There weren't a lot of rooms left, the tourists came in droves over the summer months. London was a popular destination for people, special city but overly crowded. Jonathan repressed the urge to groan as he thinks about the train ride back, the underground was absolutely unbearable at this time. Especially during commute, he didn't work long hours at the moment. Mostly from the morning and up until the afternoon, sometimes he would return home at the end of the night but he had things to take care of. Specifically a dog, Adam had become quite lazy lately. Hadn't walked Sergeant in some time like Jonathan had asked him too, perhaps it was time to have a word. Then again, Adam was approaching that time in his life that everything was turned upside down. He could just be having some internal struggles, Jonathan was glad to see that he still attended his football meetings.
''I would also like my usual bottle of white wine sent up to my new room.''
''Of course, allow me to notify the staff to bring it up.''
The guest seemed very smug with himself, Jonathan couldn't blame him. There must be some satisfying aspect of being the customer, having the staff practically lick their wallets. He didn't pay attention that however, as a manager he had to look over the staff and make sure everything ran smoothly. For now, he only worked half days. Jonathan was quick to transfer the man to a new room, it wouldn't be as luxurious as the one he had asked for but the preferred bed size was there. It was the only thing he had at the moment, he looks back up. The guest wasn't exactly all that nice to look at but he knew that it was expected of him to be as polite as possible, seeing as he was an investor. Made frequent trips and stays here every time, it wasn't so much his money but the plethora of women he practically dragged upstairs to his room each night he stayed. Jonathan noticed the ring that kept vanishing, it would always be there when the guest checked out. Safe to say that he was married but had his multiple affairs in this hotel, a safe space if you will. Jonathan didn't feel all that happy about that, must people really be this sneaky? Then again, he didn't have the right to judge as he didn't know this man's story. 
''I have transferred you to room seventy-one, it's one floor below.''
''But-''
Jonathan simply handed over the keycard with that same polite smile.
''Sir, it's the only room available at the moment. We are fully booked up seeing as it is tourist season, please do accept our complementary breakfast as we are very sorry for the mishap.''
It wasn't all that hard to make guests happy, offer them free anything and they will eat it up. As much as Jonathan didn't want to give this particular visitor anything complimentary, he didn't have the energy to argue with him today. He was tired and just wanted to go back home, Jonathan was expecting to arrive to find Sergeant waiting at the door with his leash as Adam most likely hadn't taken him out today. 
''Foreigners- Thank you, I appreciate the freebie.''
Jonathan had almost forgot how unsavoury this man truly was, hence why he doesn't normally interact with him. Seeing as the guest in question always shows up when he wasn't working, which would be the evening time. One of the unfortunate things about working evenings when the investor was in town but Jonathan just took it on the chin like everyone else, working made him feel good. It was mostly to distract him, give him something to do instead of sitting on the sofa and watching television all day or working out. He still had more than enough settlement money to last him until he dies, he was in no rush to spend it all. It was in reserve, all of it pushed into his savings account. Sure, he'll dip into it every now and then but he still lived paycheck to paycheck just like everyone else.
''Would you like me to take you to your room?''
The man tuts and grabs the card out of Jonathan's hand, turning around.
''I can find my own way!''
By all means, Jonathan wouldn't be there to help him when he eventually got lost.
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''Your life seemed to have turned itself the right way up.''
Jonathan couldn't help but chuckle, he hadn't exactly anticipate seeing Angela again. It's been quite some time but she had ambushed him in front of the station on his way home. He had texted Aura, telling her that he'd be home a bit late. Hopefully she wouldn't mind, he should pick something up from the express on the way back. She had mentioned needing more milk, the calcium intake had increased exponentially in the past two years.
''You could say that again, some things will probably still be present but I'm dealing with them.''
''Nightmares?''
Jonathan knew that the dreams might never truly stop but he could help lessen the impact that they had, waking up in the middle of the night wasn't as inconvenient as it used to be. With Aura sleeping next to him, it seemed to make everything so much better. It helped him come back to reality, reminder that he wasn't back in the desert. The therapy group disbanded about three years ago, Aura and Jonathan both felt that it was time to move on together but he began seeing a therapist on his own. Jonathan hadn't wanted to at first but Aura was very encouraging, she had been very adamant that he sought help. If not for himself, for her and Adam collectively as well. 
Jonathan knew he had to be there for them, his new family. The therapy paid off, it helped to talk about things. The medication he was prescribed wasn't as pleasant but it was appreciated, sleeping pills and anxiety medication. Carefully administered as per the label, Jonathan didn't feel like he needed it as much as he used to. The sleeping pills were used on occasion, before he had such trouble even just falling asleep in the first place. Aura's presence definitely helps, that and physical activity. Jonathan's cheeks redden at the thought of intimacy and how much it had helped, maybe not the right time to visualise a quiet evening in bed just yet. 
''Yeah, less frequent now but they do come back every now and then. Perhaps, once or twice every other month. It's not something that significantly impacts me emotionally anymore.''
Angela hums, he quickly checked his watch. He could still make the next train, he had more than enough time. Sadly the heat didn't agree, he felt the back of his neck burning. Stepping into the shade of the train station, Angela follows.
''Sounds like you've got a good support network.''
''I do, Aura has been so good to me.''
Aura had been nothing but good, she was something that he didn't know he needed. Jonathan was very sure that he had no use for fruitful relationships, that he didn't need a rich family life to keep going. He had been alone since Sophie died, Aura had hit him like a meteor on a clear day. Out of nowhere, unexpected but well appreciated. In some way she knocked the sense back into him, Aura made Jonathan want to live life to the fullest. He wanted to experience different milestones, having a family, living together. Perhaps at some point he would consider marriage but at their current point, they were perfectly happy as partners. He still felt a bit giddy calling her his girlfriend, Jonathan was used to referring to Aura as his partner instead because that is what she was to him. His partner, a loved one, his number one supported. His memories of Sophie never faded away, he still remembered them but they didn't take a front seat anymore. At times they would both speak about Frankie and Sophie, imagining what they would say to one another. No doubt Sophie wouldn't get all that well on with Frankie but it was humorous to think about, Jonathan was thankful.
''I still don't understand why you insisted on staying in that house, considering all that happened four years ago.''
Jonathan sighs, it had been the most unexpected choice but it was something they both decided on. The house had more than enough room, four rooms specifically. Aura's mother had moved to Ireland, wanting to be close to Indigo and his now wife. They had a child together so it made sense for her to be there, they still come to visit. Jonathan had been texting Indigo a lot as of late, trying to pitch together a holiday plan for the family. Aura missed her mother and it was very clear that Jonathan had to make something happen, why not go back to Ireland this year? They did so last year and the year before, sort of a tradition at this point. Indigo and his family would come over for Christmas, now that they celebrated it together. 
''If I were you, I would've sold and found another place.''
The horrors of Owen Parks had ended with a loud bang, Jonathan felt sorry for him but he was more worried for Aura and Adam. After the police arrested him, they had him on tape confessing to tampering with the breaks of Frankie's car the day he had his collision. Effectively getting charged with murder, they had pushed for a harder charge because manslaughter didn't fit the crime. Owen had been stalking Aura for a long time, he had been responsible for her husband's death and got himself a good chunk of time behind bars. Jonathan didn't want to know anything about what was going on with the man, he had attacked Aura's mother. That man hurt Aura and her family, turned her life upside down. He was steadfast on protecting her and their home, regardless of whether Owen ever returned or not but knowing what he was charged with he knew that it was a very slim chance. There had been talks of moving but both Jonathan and Aura weren't convinced enough to take that step, they still look at properties together for now but it would be difficult to move Adam out of the environment he grew up in, from a house that he's always lived in. They were happy and comfortable there, end of.
''Owen is facing a hefty sentence, I am comfortable knowing he'll be in there for the rest of his life. If anything, he needs the help more than I do.''
Angela lightly pats him on the back with a smile, he truly did appreciate her.
''Don't sell yourself short Pine.''
He smiles, looking back at his watch. He would need to wrap up this conversation right now if he was going to get to the platform on time, he really wished he could take his Triumph next time. It was more for the winter time anyhow, got there faster. There was something very simple about using public transport, he felt like he was finally in the real world with everyone else when he leaned up against the pole in the train. Watching everyone else on their phones, texting their loved ones or watching videos to pass the time. The warm breeze of the passing trains blowing in through the little window in the back of the car, as miserable as the heat was sometimes it made Jonathan unnaturally happy. He turns to Angela with open arms, embracing her again. He was sure it wasn't for the last time either, he chuckles.
''Thank you again, for everything.''
''No trouble, we're still on for next week aren't we?''
Angela told him once that he could've been an excellent police officer but the only title of authority Jonathan wanted to hold was that of a hotel manager, no doubt he could've done something great but he was happy with what he contributes to the city. He nods, they would be having dinner together on Sunday. It had become a frequent thing, Angela liked to butt in whenever she could. No one could ever tell that woman no, she aimed to do what she could.
''Feel free to bring your plus two again.''
Of course she would bring her family with as well, couldn't forget them.
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Jonathan had taken off his jacket, hoping to prevent sweating through it. Luckily it started to cool down as soon as he reached the neighbourhood, he would need to get his work clothes dry cleaned on Sunday. He loved the weekends, being able to take those days off to be with his family was something that he's never really done before but now he has gotten a taste of that life. Jonathan loved weekends off, he got to go on runs with Sergeant in the mornings after he wakes Jonathan up with his horrible dog breath. He smiles to himself, turning the key and unlocking the front door. He gave a light knock to the mosaic glass on the door.
''I'm home!''
He could hear commotion in the kitchen, Aura cooking up another storm. Jonathan would often cook with her when he comes home from work but his conversation with Angela had taken some time, he arrived home later than he normally would. His eyes caught the little figure that stood on the floor, holding onto the shoe rack to balance herself. He couldn't help but smile at the sight, he didn't know she was already standing.
''Hi...''
His first child and only daughter, Rose Pine. Little Rosie standing for the first time in her life, granted she had a bit of support but it counts. Jonathan carelessly tossed his jacket onto the stairs and bent down to pick her up. The little angel had her hand outstretched towards him, squealing as she saw him reach for her. Sitting his daughter on his hip, swaying about the hallway. He had missed her today, thought a lot about her. Jonathan pressed a kiss to her plump cheek, so soft and pudgy. She hadn't been in his plans but a welcome surprise nonetheless, to think that he had his own child after the many years of looking after and staring at other people's families. He hadn't been sure if all that staring had any deeper meaning other than wanting to have some sort of family connections, Jonathan never really thought about having children of his own. Rose simply just happened and he just accepted it, there was this hesitance at first but it was mixed in with that intense fatherly excitement that most fathers feel. At least that's what Jonathan believes, he kicked off his shoes and carried Rose further into the house. Silently greeting the photo of his father, alongside Frankie. They had their family photos on display downstairs, Jonathan didn't mind being displayed right next to Aura's late husband. It never bothered him seeing as he showed the man respect, one doesn't simply forget previous partners like that. Frankie gave Jonathan Aura, he was thankful. Speaking of Aura, he is greeted by her as she stood in the doorway that lead to the kitchen. Sweat on her brow from cooking, that kitchen must be absolutely dreadful to be in.
''Sorry, I should've called you- She just started standing up a few moments ago-''
Jonathan just bounced his babbling daughter.
''It's alright, I'm here now- Did you stand up today? Are you a big girl now?''
Rose simply kicks her legs about, chewing on her little fingers. Completely oblivious to his questions, perhaps not ready to start having full conversations just yet. Aura smiles and reaches up, pressing a brief kiss to Jonathan's lips, eagerly accepted. He noted the lack of that familiar wagging nub of a tail, his furry companion was missing from the house. He leaned over to peer into the living room, no Sergeant to be seen.
''Where's Sarge?''
Aura giggles and turns around, returning to the kitchen. Jonathan followed her there, noting the pot steaming on the stove. Pasta tonight, he was quite excited for that. Especially since Aura had attempted to make her own pasta from scratch, no idea if it would be successful or not but soon enough the truth would be revealed.
''Adam took him out for a bit.''
Jonathan leans against the door way, nuzzling his daughter who laid her head down against his shoulder. She seemed a bit tired, normally she'd be screeching and crawling about the house but he could simply put it down on the time. Almost seven-thirty, she would be put to bed very soon.
''Surprising, I have been meaning to have a word with him about walking Sarge but I guess I don't have to now.''
Adam had been rather withdrawn as of late but Jonathan suspected that it had more to do with his age than troubles at school, Aura would want him to speak to Adam anyway. He should really, make sure that he is alright and not feeling bad about anything. His relationship with that boy had grown over the past four years, now almost fourteen. Jonathan felt like things were going by too fast, this was probably very normal for ordinary people. Having so much happening around them, children running about and having full time jobs. Adam always took Sergeant out for his afternoon walks to save Jonathan the trouble, he normally didn't come home until six. Later if he missed his train like today but recently Adam hasn't been keeping up on his tasks. Jonathan had to insist that he tidied his room, went out more and walked Sergeant as per their agreement. At the same time, he acknowledged the possibility of Adam struggling and he has often let him know that he is there if Adam needed to talk. Jonathan loved his stepson, he loved the relationship they had and he appreciated that he trusted him enough to give him the blessing to pursue his mother. Not that it was that much of an issue before, Jonathan smiles at his daughter.
''I would appreciate if you did talk, the only reason he went out is because Ellie went with him.''
Jonathan looks over to Aura who turned off the stove, moving the pot over to the sink to drain. The realisation hit him, he was at that tender age where his heart will start noticing things more. Especially girls, he chuckles and shook his head. A bit of a touchy subject, Jonathan could see that Adam might not want to share this with his mother.
''I see, what you think about all of this Rose? Do you think that your brother is ready to look after you now?''
Adam wasn't very happy about being Rose's babysitter, not that he didn't love his half-sister. He loved her very much but watching babies wasn't exactly something a fourteen year old boy would want to do, Jonathan doubts any kid wants to babysit their siblings but it was something both he and Aura would love for Adam to pick up. Even if it was just for a couple of minutes up to an hour while they took care of things around the house, all he would have to do was to entertain her really. He wasn't old enough to look after his sister on his own, Aura huffs and shook her head. She didn't need to say anything else for Jonathan to know the answer.
''Not a chance. Dinner will ready in a bit, can you take care of her while I finish?''
Of course he didn't mind doing so but he felt a bit bad for leaving Aura to cook the rest of today's dinner, he knew he could make it up to her afterwards by doing the dishes. Which he will most likely have to fight for, Jonathan carried Rose out of the steaming kitchen. He could at least help out a little and get the high chair into the dining room, set some plates out.
''Mummy's been busy today huh?''
Lifting up his daughter, pressing a little kiss to her face. She looked very much like him but he couldn’t deny that he saw a lot of Aura in Rose. She’s got her mother's eyes, his hair and most definitely his appetite. Jonathan sat down on the sofa, sitting Rose up in his lap. Today had been very long, almost felt as if it would never end. His daughter grabbed a fistful of his shirt, chewing on the fabric. She didn't have much sense to not dirty daddy's shirt but daddy didn't seem to mind at all, it was the weekend after all. Jonathan looked forward to tomorrow, where he can wake up to her cries for attention. Before Rose, Aura would always be the first one up but now Jonathan was up first. There was some sort of nervous energy in him that woke him up, the desire to be near his child. To hold her, teach her to walk though she might still have some way to go. Rose hums as she looks up at him, those lovely brown eyes glistening in the setting sun.
''Hi...''
Jonathan had never felt so loved, so safe. 
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Rose woke up a bit sooner than he expected, she still had her bouts of wakefulness but Jonathan wasn't exactly awake enough to take her for a small car ride which always makes her sleepy. A man who was tired should not be driving, though had has broken that rule many times before. Jonathan wasn't about to risk it, so walking through the house would have to suffice. A bit of a longer process but it worked as well, Aura was still awake. Doing laundry downstairs, she always puts the machine on before bed so that she could throw it in the dryer or on the line outside in the morning. Rose sniffles, the poor thing had woke up crying. So tired and irritated, Jonathan gently bounced her as he walked about the house. From room to room, stopping by Adam's bedroom. He knocks on the door before entering, the smell hit him almost immediately.
''A bit stuffy in here mate, do you well to open a window.''
Adam was sat on his bed with Sergeant curled up at his side, scrolling through his phone. After his little fiasco four years ago, his mother got him a cellphone so that he could always reach her. Neither of them trusted him to go anywhere for a little while but now he was fully able of going around on his own, as long as it wasn't deeper into London. Simply school and back, he knew the general area around their part of town and he wasn't allowed to be out after seven. Jonathan knew that it was a bit unfair but it was for his safety, the less desirable crowds came out at around eight in the evening. Running up and down the neighbourhoods, he didn't want his stepson exposed to that. Adam rolls his eyes, Jonathan couldn't help but chuckle.
''Okay.''
The many times Aura has asked Adam to put his football uniform into the laundry basket downstairs, Jonathan expected him to do so every time but he always seemed to forget. The boy had football practice a few times a week and then school activities, a light bulb went off in Jonathan's head. He remembered that they needed to get Adam new uniform shorts as he just recently ripped his current pair, they could get that done on Monday. Meanwhile he would have to wear his trousers that day, Jonathan never liked school uniforms as a child but he admits that they were quite handy. No one was singled out and it was so much easier to get ready for school, he spotted the smelly culprit in the corner. The gym bag that needed to be thoroughly cleaned, Sergeant snores.
''I just wanted to thank you for walking Sarge today, I really appreciate it.''
''Yeah...''
He kisses the top of Rose's head, she was getting tired again which was perfect. Jonathan noticed that Adam had been very fidgety today, out of the house and off to school before Aura could say goodbye. Neither of them had driven him to school for a while, mostly due to Adam wanting to be more independent which wasn't all that bad. It was simply the timing of it all, Jonathan didn't think much of it but Aura was worried for her son. He lightly pats Rose's back as she began fussing again, he needed to get her back to bed. Jonathan stepped into his stepson's room, Adam decided to set his phone down to pay him attention. He was at least courteous enough to focus on a conversation, he was glad to see that.
''Where did you and Ellie take him?''
Adam sat up straight, his cheeks reddened. This moment was quite telling, Jonathan was right to suspect that there was some alternative reason for him to take the dog out, Sergeant stirs in his sleeps and proceeds to get up to leave. Trotting down the hallway to go downstairs, possibly to go out into the garden. Jonathan should give him a bit of attention later, he took a step back with a chuckle.
''Sorry, your mum told me.''
Adam huffs and crosses his arms, Jonathan sensed that something didn't exactly go according to plan on that walk.
''Went to the playground, she wasn't all that impressed.''
''Not impressed by my Sarge?''
Jonathan mocked offence which got Adam smiling, in truth however, how could anyone not like Sergeant? The sweetest dog around these parts, most if not all of Adam's friends loved Sergeant. Jonathan frequently brings him along to ball games, Sergeant was very popular with the kids in Adam's year so if this Ellie didn't like their dog, too bad. No dog for her, perhaps she was more of a cat person. It's always the closest answer to why someone doesn't like a dog, maybe she wasn't impressed because she liked the smaller dogs. The ones that tend to be more puppy like, Sergeant was a handsome little fella so Jonathan didn't understand. He hums, gently rocking Rose around.
''I just wanted to check in with you, see how you've been.''
Adam shrugs and leans back on his bed, Jonathan eyed the untouched helmet he had given him for his birthday a couple of years ago. He knew that Adam was too afraid to actually use it, didn't want to damage it in any way but Jonathan was more than willing to replace it if that ever happened.
''I'm okay, school's a bit shit-''
Jonathan flinches.
''Hey, sister’s present.''
Adam groans and rubs the skin below his eyes, Jonathan didn't mind the occasional swearing but there wasn't any swearing in the house around the baby. Aura wouldn't be all too happy if she was the one standing here, Jonathan could let this go. Rose hums, looking around the room as she fiddles with his shirt.
''She's just a baby, she won't understand.''
Jonathan wanted to believe that but he didn't want his daughter's first word to be ''shit''. Aura would never forgive him if Rose was exposed to that sort of language. Besides, kids pick up things on their own so who was to say that his daughter didn't understand what was going on around her. He pressed another kiss to the top of her head.
''Do not underestimate the power of young children, you'll regret it one day.''
Adam rolls his eyes again, he was going through some sort of phase. Jonathan didn't know if he could call it a phase but he has been quite moody as of late. He did his best to listen to him, Adam never said anything about going through anything difficult. As far as Jonathan knew, his stepson was just fine. It was vital to give children their privacy during the formative years, let them discover things on their own. It was also important to let them know that as a parent, they could always come to them for advice. If they needed to get something off their chests, Jonathan loved Adam greatly and wanted him to know that he was there for him.
''You can always talk to me if something bothers you...''
Adam smiles and nods.
''Thanks dad.''
Jonathan's heart swells, to know that Adam loved him as a father figure and looked up to him as one. Frankie was never replaced, that was something that was made clear from the start but Adam was allowed to call him whatever he wanted. If Adam wanted to refer to him as Jonathan or Jon, he was allowed to. It meant a lot to Jonathan to know that his stepson trusted and loved him so much as to call him ''dad''. In his mind, he now had two wonderful children. Though he only fathered one of them, he felt an equal love for both. Jonathan promised Frankie that he would look after his son, that he would make him proud. He bids him a good night and closes the door on his way out, heading down towards his daughter's bedroom. Jonathan hadn't expected or hoped for this sort of life as his plan had always been to live out the rest of his life in isolation, on his own without anyone to bother him. Then he met Aurabell Blue and she changed all of that, flipped things upside down and disrupted his plans. He wouldn't change it for the world, Rose whimpers as Jonathan padded over to her crib with the plan to put her down.
''My sleepy girl.''
Jonathan kissed her cheek, receiving a joyful hum in return.
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''It'll be good for us all to get out for a bit, breezy day tomorrow.''
Jonathan pulled off his shirt, tossing it into the basket in the corner. Aura takes off her glasses and sets them down on her nightstand along with her book, they had planned to go out tomorrow. A bit of fresh air for everyone, Jonathan was afraid that she was getting a bit stir-crazy from being at home. They would take the baby along, go to the park for a bit of sun. Exercise Sergeant, Jonathan promised to play football with Adam. Jonathan was quick to unbuckle his belt, he would need to take his slacks to the cleaners on the way. He could pick them back up on the way to work, get dressed there. Jonathan was trying to get into the habit of bringing a change of clothes to work so he wouldn't sweat through his suit on the way back, he notices the worried look on Aura's face as he pushed his slacks down. Enjoying the cool air, they left their window cracked for a bit of that cool night air to circulate.
''Is he doing alright, did you talk to him?''
He huffs and sits down on his side of the bed.
''I think he's okay, just got a lot of growing to do.''
It was a sensitive time, Adam was reaching that part of his life where everything will change. He's been this way since before Aura got pregnant with Rose, Jonathan was sure that there was a bit of hesitation in him when they both broke the news to him. Out of respect to Adam, Jonathan decided that he would of course be the first person to know. Aura's mother was the second person to know, Adam seemed happy about the prospect of a sibling but maybe it was mostly the excitement of having a potential brother. He could still teach Rose to play football when she was old enough to kick a ball, perhaps she would get into the sport as well later on in her life. Who knows, they could have a lot of things in common. Jonathan wasn't sure if Adam somehow felt replaced which obviously wasn't what was happening, he would rather go back to the military than to replace Adam with some other kid. His stepson was not a toy to be replaced when it was broken, Jonathan would help him grow and nurture him just like he would his daughter. He was his son, end of.
''I'm worried, he's not really been all that talkative lately.''
He got underneath the thin blanket, luckily he had remembered to switch the fan on before get in. He was too tired to get back up, Jonathan sits up against the headboard. He understood that Aura was worried about Adam, he truly did sympathise but there were times where they would have to stay in their lane. Her son will come to them if something bothers him, if he needs something or simply wanted to express himself. Jonathan had faith in his bond with Adam, he wasn't going to push the boy around until he tells him what is going on.
''He's getting older, children sometimes like to keep to themselves at this stage. Adam knows he can come to me whenever he can but if you'd like, I can sit down with him tomorrow night.''
Aura sighs, she knew that Jonathan didn't want to have to sit him down. Adam found it uncomfortable to be talked down to like a child, Aura would always see him as her child and this is where Jonathan came in. He was willing to treat Adam like an adult, an equal. Only four more years until he turns eighteen and then he'll turn twenty-one, thirty and so on and so forth. Adam was mature enough to make his own choices and to think for himself, only he knows what he is feeling in the moment. Jonathan wasn't going to pretend like he understood what was going on but he wanted Adam to help him understand, he loved him greatly.
''No, I just think I'm being paranoid. Mummy stuff.''
Aura curls up into his side, laying her head on the pillow. Jonathan wished that she wouldn't brush herself off like that, as a mother she would know things. He admired that about her, that she had this internal system to work with. The biological love of a mother for her children, something Jonathan never had. His mother had always been cold, Aura still hasn't met her and most likely, hopefully never will. Jonathan's mother wouldn't be all that impressed with the way he's turned out, so what if he lives in a lovely house with a beautiful partner and his children? It wouldn't matter to her, she didn't care about that. Jonathan did however decide to send her the one last piece in some delusional hope that she would think back on her life as a mother and realise how much she hurt him, Jonathan wouldn't have blamed her if he had been born under undesirable circumstances but as far as he was aware he wasn't. He wouldn't have blamed her if she had simply had a change of heart midway through her pregnancy or through his upbringing, he would've given her space. Jonathan wanted her to love him but he had accepted that it most likely would never happen, two months ago he had taken a photo of the entire family together. Jonathan and Aura, holding their daughter. His arm around Adam and trusty Sergeant at their feet, stood in front of their shared home. Jonathan had recreated the photo he had taken from his mother's home that night, the one photograph where he had been truly happy. 
Jonathan had written on the back of it, telling her that he hoped she was well. That he had found himself  a wonderful partner, that he fathered his first child. A beautiful little girl, that he was happy and that there was no cause for concern. He apologised for his outburst the night he had visited her, that she would never see him again and that she could keep the photo. Knowing her, she probably threw the photo in the corner and let it stay there. Jonathan was proud of Aura for being the type of mother that she was, to be this kind and nurturing presence. She should be proud of herself, bringing up two children in a world where love can be scarce in certain places.
''You're wonderful mother Aura, if you feel that something is off with him we can sit him down and talk. Adam knows he's got us on his side.''
Aura looks at him, her fingers lightly dancing across his chest. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, he had to let her know that she was doing all she could. That she was a good mother and that she shouldn't think otherwise, anyone would be lucky to be her child. Adam loved his mother more than anything, it was very clear and Jonathan knew that wouldn't change any time soon. All Aura needed was to allow Adam to come to her, he would always want his mummy when he was in trouble. When he needed help with homework or what to wear or about his future, Adam was already talking about college even though he wouldn't be going for a few years. He knew that his mother had gone, he wanted to go. Jonathan thought it was a good goal, further his education but he shouldn't forget to enjoy being a kid. Playing football with his friends, watching movies and playing video games. Things like that were also important, in moderation of course. Jonathan pulled back and laid down with Aura's head on his chest, pressing her into him. He couldn't care less about the heat, physical contact was important.
''I know, I guess I'm just getting ahead of myself. Kind of forgotten what it was like at that age, all went by like a blur.''
Jonathan closes his eyes, humming as he felt her lips on him. He was sure that he'll come to understand what that feels like in the upcoming years as Rose continues to grow, what Aura said was true however. Adam went from being a short ten year old to this lanky fourteen year old, Jonathan hadn't noticed how tall he got until he saw him reaching for a cup all on his own. Normally he would either ask him for help or use a chair to get a cup down from the cupboard, seeing him reaching the cupboard standing up was an odd thing to witness. It made Jonathan's chest feel a bit tight, maybe he wished for Adam to be a kid forever. He smiles and sighs as he felt the breeze from the electric fan brush over his warm skin.
''He'll be alright.''
Aura sat up briefly and gave him a swift kiss on the lips before laying back down. Her chest pressed up against him, he reaches over and turns off the lamp turns with a quiet click. Leaving the room dark, Jonathan opens his eyes to see the streetlamp shining in the dark outside. This is where he was, in bed with his partner. Sleeping with no trouble, for the first time in his adult life he didn't have to keep himself awake until his eyes couldn't take any more. The baby monitor crackles as his daughter whimpers in her sleep, Sergeant wandering about the house in search of his spot for the night. Adam would soon open his door and allow him to sleep in his bed, like always. Tomorrow was Saturday, Jonathan had weekends off. He had achieved the ordinary life that he always wanted, the simple life. Working nine to five, coming home and unwinding. His lips tremble, his arm wrapped around Aura with a watery smile.
''Goodnight Jon.''
Perhaps it was time to ask her to marry him, he closes his eyes and allows himself to drift off.
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masteroftheblade · 3 years
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What are your favorite and least favorite animes? Why do you like/dislike them?
oh god here we go lmao 🤠👍 prepare for an entire novel as always lol
my favorite animes atm are Naruto, Dragon Ball, Attack on Titan, and Claymore. Overall, my favorite genre of anime is shonen (and in case you dont know what that is, its basically shows that are marketed to young boys. it'll have shit like superpowers and poorly written female characters). My least favorite genre is Shoujo (marketed at young girls). I honestly don't hate the entire genre, I just hate how much romance is in there since im pretty romance-repulsed. If there were more Shoujo series like Claymore, I'd probably be in love w/ it. I'll start talking about these shows individually, starting w/ Naruto.
1. Naruto.
Honestly, the only reason I started watching Naruto was because my friends peer pressured me into doing it, and it actually differed from what I expected it to be story-wise. The beginning of the show started off amazing; it had excellent world building, magic systems, interesting characters, and it attempted to address how messed up the whole shinobi system is. But then Naruto got on the front page of Shonen Jump, and everything went down from there. It started to focus more on cool fight scenes than the actual plot. I wont get too much into that, because you can literally find entire blogs dedicated to dissecting that, but Naruto killed itself w/ its own popularity. That said, I love the characters and world building and I can look past most of its flaws anyway.
Would I recommend reading/watching it? Yes, but only to say you did it for bragging rights. Don't go into watching Naruto if you want deep looks into imperialism and militarized governments, because you will get the complete opposite of that :P Also the best way to watch it is to watch it with friends.
2. Dragon Ball.
I only started watching DB about a month ago, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I think its a garbage series. The fight scenes have little to no weight to them, because no matter what, the protagonist of that episode will always succeed in some way. For example, when Goku (a 12 y/o boy) was fighting Giran (a 10ft tall godzilla man) and was getting his ass beat until Goku just... randomly grows back his tail that was cut off earlier and wins. We are never told why he grew back his tail, and i think he only gets it back so he can have a cool fight scene in a later episode. Goku can literally be battling genocidal gods and he will still always win. The show also goes out of its way to sexualize/show a female character being harrassed. Every. Fucking. Episode.
That said, it is a fun show, and I really enjoy watching it. Like Naruto, I really love the characters and the world they are in, I just hate the way it was handled, and its painfully obvious that DB was made by a bunch of old men in the 80s. Unlike Naruto, however, I really appreciate how simple it is. It doesn't force a narrative about space genocide or whatever being bad, and I'm very thankful because that kind of narrative would be absolutely botched in this kind of series. It's also nice to have a show that doesn't take itself too seriously. Shows like AOT are amazing and important, but those shows can be overwhelming with their heavy subject matter. I would only recommend watching DB if you want to see some really good art/character design. Don't take the show seriously, and you'll have a good time.
3.Attack On Titan.
This anime was actually the first I've ever seen! I saw the very first episode when it aired in 2014, so I'm definetely biased in that regard, but I still try to look at this show in the most objective way I can. This show does almost everything right. The pacing, the characters, the art, the plot, you name it. It takes a concept that looks silly on paper and turns it into this grueling story about war, politics, and the trauma of being a soldier. It never treats it's characters like they're only one-dimensional, or like they are there just for one purpose only. These characters feel human in a way Naruto and Dragon Ball could never be. But there is one thing that has me concerned about this show, and its about the weirdly anti-Semitic undertones it has.
You probably heard the controversy already, but it really effected the way people on the outside of the fandom view the series. The show is heavily inspired by European culture, specifically that of Germany, and there are an ethnic group of people called The Eldians in the show that are pretty anti-Semitic in this kind of setting. The Eldian people have the capability of turning into Titans, and the Titans are what divided the world and killed millions. As a result, another group of people started doing the shit the Nazis did to Jewish people, basically making the Eldians into this weird allegory for the holocaust??? Which was kind of a shock to me when I first realized that was the angle they were going for. I genuinely did not expect that considering what the series started off as. The foreshadowing is there and all, I just didn't think they'd use real-world events as inspiration.
Now, this actually has the complete opposite problem Naruto and DB had. Naruto and DB had amazing ideas and concepts that went to shit, AOT's whole holocaust narrative was trash from the beginning.
The show could have easily had a different kind of social/political commentary without even going near the holocaust narrative. It comes off as kind of a half assed idea that people put way too much effort in, so it's kind of in this weird grey-area between "modern anime masterpiece" and "what the fuck were they trying to get across with this show?". If you asked me what the moral of the show was, I wouldn't be able to tell you.
Now, because of the fact that the Eldians can literally turn into man-eating beasts, this makes the comparison of Jewish people and Eldians very racist, and it doesn't help that Japan is still full of legitimate Nazis, making the whole situation look even worse. Since I am not Jewish, I wont speak for other Jewish people. There is a very heated debate on whether the show is racist, and frankly I don't think it's within my right to say if it is or isn't. What I will say, is that I really loved the show and appreciated the social commentary it provided, and I think a lot of people would benefit from watching it, but I think it's also important to listen to Jewish people's views on the show. For this reason, I specifically avoid reblogging AOT stuff, but I do love that show and I wont hate on people who do reblog stuff from it. It's definitely not a light watch, but it does provide a lot of thinking material.
4. Claymore.
This. Show. Was. Amazing. But. Underrated.
First off, this is a shonen show that is led by a majority female cast and a female protagonist, and all of those women are badass swordwielding lesbians and I love it. Second, the art style is beautiful. Third, the story is really interesting from so many angles, so much so I am not even going to mention what its about because you dont need to know, you just need to watch it and see what happens. The first season was an absoloute ride of a show, and if you love shows like AOT or Berserk, you'll love Claymore. Honestly, this show was what AOT should have tried to be. It also has its fair share of militarized imperialist commentary, but this is the only show on this list that actually fucking critiques imperialist ideals and has a main character that actively refuses to participate in that kind of oppressive system, choosing to fight it all together.
But the show got fucking cancelled right before the first arc even finished. You can thank shows like Naruto for that 🙃🙃🙃
10/10 Would reccomend, but just be prepared to be left on a major cliffhanger. You can try reading the manga, but it's kind of hard to follow since all of the warrior girls look the same.
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growingingreenwood · 3 years
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Hey I start college this week any advice? Hope all is well you are amazing!
Omg good job!! That's so exciting!!!! Alrighty, I have a bachelor’s degree and now i'm working on my Rec Therapy Degree so I’ve had like 5 and a half years of college/university experience so hopefully at least something here will be helpful for you. 
What are you going to collage to take?
One- Try to sit in the front of of the lecture hall
Classes will probably be a lot bigger than you’re used to and many people find this intimidating. I used to sit at the very back of lecture halls because I hated having to walk past rows of people, but you know what? My grades suffered for it. I’m an easily distracted human being with crippling ADHD and so being able to see everybody's computer screen was a nightmare for me. Half the class was watching movies or playing games or whatever so I didn't hear a damn word my teacher said. The closer I was to the front, the less distracting it was for me. Plus, I find that when I’m more familiar with being closer to my teachers it's easier and less intimidating for me to ask them for help or to re-explain things. 
Two- Don’t be embarrassed, everybodys a mess and other people have your question. 
The colleges I’ve been to have been nothing like highschool. We’re all in this together, we’re a suffering squad okay. So if you're too tired to ‘look good’ SICK half your class probably has not showered in like five days. Have a question that you think might make sound dumb? I can literally assure you that other people have the same question and pray somebody else will ask it. All of you are confused, it's okay. 
Three - BUY YOUR TEXTBOOKS USED!!!!!
Oh my god I cannot stress this enough. For some reason professores and schools are out here hustling textbooks like starving soundcloud rappers. We don’t need that shit. Your school probably has a facebook group or two where students are selling their old textbooks much cheaper than you could get them in bookstores. And when I mean cheaper, I mean by like 100 - 200 dollars. If you're on a physical campus, lots of people put lists of what books they're selling on their lockers so keep an eye out for flyers as well. 
Four -  Join a club! 
One of the things I really love about college is all the low pressure social situations. There's literally tons of clubs at most universities rankings from really open (First Year Social Club!!) to ridiuclously niche (We All Play Super Smash Brothers In Full Costume Once A Month) so its a great place to start when it comes to making new friends and finding some cool stuff to do! 
Five - Don’t fall for the ‘too cool’ trap. 
Lots of people have endless fun in college (like me) and some people really, really hate it. Personally, I think it has a lot to do with your attitude about being there. There's tons of pep rallies, carnivals, festivals and whatever else held by your school that can actually be super fun to attend but many people think they're ‘too cool’ for things like that. Don’t fall into this trap, I can assure you those that went to the events had like 9 billion times more fun. 
 Six - ASK FOR THE HELP THAT YOU NEED 
This lesson took me so long to learn, but it was life changing once I did learn it. There's tons of resources available to you though most universities, and most of it was probably paid for through your tuition so it makes no sense to NOT access these things. See what your school offers for counseling services, stress reduction, learning activities held in the library, financial aid, make use of your teachers office hours, things like that. Crawl through your school’s website and see what they have to offer you, you can get some really really good life advice sometimes. If you’re falling behind in school work and need an extension, ask for it. Literally the worst thing that can happen is your teacher telling you ‘no.’ Which, honestly, in my near six years of schooling has literally only happened once and it was because the teacher personally didn’t like me. 
Seven -- C’s Get Degrees 
School Burnout Is REAL, she is sneaky, and she will hit you when you least expect it. I really struggle with having too high of expectations of myself when it comes to my work/life balance. This is the only year that I haven't worked at least 20 hours a week on top of full time university education and that only because of COVID and my immune issues, however for some reason I always expect myself to do like 3 - 4 hours of homework a day. Which is lunacy. At least it is for me. I literally cannot even count how many times I’ve put my grades before my physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental wellbeing. How many times I’ve forced myself to keep studying when I knew that I had already surpassed my limit hours ago because I thought that getting an A was more important than anything else. Especially myself. That’s not true. 
You weren’t put on this earth to get straight A’s, you were put on this earth to be the best you that you can be. 
So sometimes, you really do just gotta accept that ‘C’s get Degrees’ and you gotta close your textbook, go paint your nails, call your friend, and go to bed. 
Eight -- Everything Can Be A Learning Experience 
There are endless things to learn at college, and most of them aren't what the teachers are telling you. College is where I first learned that it really isn’t the end of the world to fail sometimes. It happens, it happens to everyone, but there's always something to learn from every ‘failure’ and part of it is how you can better handle failures in the future. It teaches you how to work with people, share ideas, and grow in your self-confidence. If you take the time to self-reflect when you find yourself struggling in aspects of your life in college, you can really learn a lot about yourself and how you present. 
It was through self-reflecting on some of my peer interactions that I realized my vocabulary was creating a rift between me and them, as several people as it as a way of me purposefully trying to make myself seem ‘better’ or ‘more educated’ when in reality I just forget a lot of simple words and end up using some ridiculous monstrosity in casual sentences.  The more I made that known about myself in interactions, and mentioning how much I read, helped my interactions because it helped people to better understand WHY I speak that way. This lesson has continued to help me throughout my life. 
Nine -- Missing Lectures is a Slippery Slope
My attendance rate was already a lost cause by the time I got to University (my highschool almost didn't let me graduate because I had an 87% absentee rate and something like 300 missed detentions but I was 1 of 3 Full Honors Students and they wanted the funding so they ecentually let me lol) but I have watched many a student crawl into this 'Chronic Skipping' pit with me in my years. Im not really sure why it happens, but basically as soon as you miss 2 lectures for no concrete reason (like a dentist appointment or cause your sick or something) it's game over for you. You'll miss two classes, then three, then four, then 2 a week, then 3 a week. Then you start skipping other subjects too. Then you end up like me and suddenly its the end of the term and you realize you've only attended 4 entire classes, one of which was the first day and the other 3 were exams. (True story, that was my 8am Political Science Class in my second year)
I hope this helps somewhat!!!! Let me know if you have any specific questions! 
And thank you lovely, I’m chugging along doing my best trying to get back into my creative bubble which for some reason seems to be rather elusive and hard to track down thus far. 
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cynicaldesire · 3 years
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Since I’m having trouble writing, I’ll just make an update post. Maybe that’ll help me feel better, get some things off my chest.
Not much to get off my chest tho. My husband had a like 2week break and we sat around mostly playing Monster Hunter Rise for the duration.
Shortly before his break, though, I was having chest pain and a toothache. My teeth have looked pretty gnarly and my gums have been receding for a while but language barrier so we’ve been too scared to go to a dentist. But we have to now because I started have Chest Pain.
My husband’s father died from heart failure. So I kept expecting my chest pain to go away so I wouldn’t have to scare him with it. But after like day 4, when the pain hadn’t gone away, I finally broke down and told him about it. He had like 3 days of work, so we agreed that I would be super careful and we lost a lot of sleep, but I checked my heart rate using my phone and tried to take it easy until my husband’s break started. We headed to the big hospital like a block away from the clinic we usually go to just in case my chest pain was serious. We struggle our way through language barriers and I explain my symptoms to the doctor. It was mostly some burning pain at the time. Doctor has me get an ECG and some bloodwork. He tells me the ECG is normal so my actual heart muscle is fine, but the bloodwork says my liver is inflamed in response to something, but it’s not an infection, so he’s gonna prescribe me some NSAIDs and tells me to come back in a week. My husband says that I also have been having some tooth pain. The doctor freezes with a thinky face and says to get my teeth checked and to come back in a week. We ask if he has any suggestions on dentists. He says NOPE! and leaves. We head to checkout and while waiting for them to process my stuff, the doctor stops by checkout also and I’m like Hey. He nods and heads out. We spent a total of like... 4 hours there. Total. For the ECG, the bloodwork, etc.
Go home, take the meds, try to take care of my teeth, get Listerine. Sit around and try to take it easy for a week. We go back, the burning is gone and my teeth have overcome their problem. Doc asks if I’m okay now, I say yeah, seem to be, but now I have random pinchy pains. He says I should come back in a month. Husband and I can’t so the doctor is like Okay well, you’re fine, but if it gets bad again... Come back.
Due to my being broke, uninsured, and having a chronic illness, I do a lot of armchair doctoring on myself. There’s a limit to it, of course, but I try to research my own health issues or treatments after visiting a doctor. I found so much more information on PCOS on sites like fucking Reddit than by going to a doctor for years. So after the doctor told me I was okay, I looked up why I might have chest pain if it wasn’t related to a heart attack or something. And one of the options was a pulled muscle.
I thought back to the week before the chest pain started. Other than the toothache and swollen gums, I had been doing a bunch of exercise. I did a bunch of Ringfit and hip lifts and situps and stuff. And I was like Hm. Did I injure my chest muscle overdoing the Ringfit?
I, of course, informed the parents of all of this. My husband’s mother was informed and I was worried she would be deeply upset because she lost her husband to heart problems. But then both parents were like “You went to the doctor? You have medications? Well you seem to have it under control, so let’s bitch about my problems.” Meanwhile, I’m over here having trouble sleeping because I’m worried I won’t wake up. But okay. When my husband went back to work, I Skype’d with my mother and she seemed more irritated that I had interrupted her evening than happy to talk to me or worried about my Chest Pain. Also my dad has to get up at like 3am, so when I called her, she was worried her getting loud and animated as we do was going to wake him up.
(husband’s mental health doctor struggles and a story about library card nonsense under the cut)
Husband has also been seeking professional help because he believes he has ADHD. He’s been having a lot of problems, mostly mentally and emotionally, and he traced all the issues he’s having to ADHD. So he went to an English-speaking psychiatrist for medication. The shrink said he wanted to treat the anxiety before the ADHD in case anxiety is the only issue. My husband, due to his job, is very good at asking questions, so he asked the doctor how many people he prescribes this medication to. And he said 100% of his patients. Well, the medication didn’t seem to help, so on the followup appointment, the doctor said Oh, you’re just taking too much. My husband was like It’s supposed to reduce my anxiety, but instead it’s making my anxiety worse, it’s giving me mood swings, and generally making me very angry. And also sex is more difficult. Doc said I’m gonna reduce the dosage because I can’t treat your ADHD without getting rid of the anxiety. Husband came out of the appointment angry and defeated. But now he’s taking less (and it might be helping?)
Soooo yeah. I try to brush my teeth at least once a day (up from the like once every 20 years I did it before) and I use the No alcohol Listerine in place of brushing sometimes because you can. I skimmed an article about how to take good care of your teeth and it said to not actually rinse when you brush and mouthwash in place of brushing sometimes. I drink almost exclusively soda so I try not to drink any for at least 30minutes after brushing or mouthwash.
We hung out with the friends a couple weeks ago and they said we should start up a new DnD campaign because one of our friends has a roommate in his small apartment and can’t rejoin the old one. The roommate is a friend displaced by a breakup, but he seems to have a new apartment and the moveout date keeps moving. Our DM is getting tired of it and one of our other friends wants in because he’s lonely and DnD is great, so he said we should start up a new campaign so he can join. So we’re setting up for that, just in case.
In order to work on my writing, I’ve skimmed a lot of tips articles after watching a bunch of YouTube lectures and videos. I kinda hate reading and I feel like a huge fraud because if I want to write, I should like to read. But I don’t want to risk buying books I don’t like and having piles of books on my Kindle that just rot. And also, you know, I’m broke. Why spend money on something I won’t get any enjoyment out of? Just a waste at that point. Coulda bought some McDonald’s with that money. Or something. So I thought about the library. I don’t have an active library card, but I knew my Dad had one, so I asked to use his to check out ebooks. He obliged and I started getting books that everybody recommends, like The Name of the Wind and Tales of Earthsea and all this other stuff. I also got Mistborn: The Final Empire and some other Sanderson books, and the Witcher series. But not every book was available at my library. I found an app that let me look at other libraries’ catalogs and I found the missing books at the library where my husband’s family and friends are. I asked our friends if they had a card among them, and the one guy that works at the library has one but his card is always maxed out for checkouts. As an employee, he can check out like  a max of 99 things. And it’s always maxed out. He offered me something I wasn’t comfortable with, so I declined. So I asked my husband to make a card. He declined. So I asked him to ask his mom to make one. She said she doesn’t live in the city, so she can’t. She sent us an email with my husband’s sister’s name for a library that I didn’t ask for and didn’t have the books I was looking for available. Because it uses a different service than the one I was looking at apparently so I could use that one but they didn’t send actual login information.
My husband, because of the way he communicates with his family, asked his mother for help with this library endeavor very cavalierly. He was just loosey-goosey with it. Something about it rubbed me the wrong way, but I figured they would handle it. His family intimidates me, has rarely made me feel welcome, and so I usually leave myself out of conversations with them. But after they just stopped worrying about the library thing, because I felt like I was right and all they had to do was make an effort, I took it upon myself to email his mom directly. Due to childhood trauma or other paranoia, I’m always worried about being misconstrued or misunderstood, so I end up being very verbose. See above. So I made a long email explaining why I wanted the library card, why I was asking for their help specifically, and included links to the places I saw you could make a library card and how they didn’t have to leave the house to verify it because of COVID. Then, to make sure it wasn’t demanding, that it was friendly, I added some stuff at the bottom about how I wished them well and I was proud of my sister-in-laws’s weight loss journey and how my chest was doing and blah blah. I sent this email right before bed. I assumed that his family would work together to figure it out and if they didn’t wanna deal with it, they would say they weren’t interested. The worst they can do is say no and I’ll have lost nothing except time.
Woke up to an email from his mother saying, in that malicious compliance/corporate politeness way, that she couldn’t make a library card because she didn’t live in the city and she’d be happy to make one for one of the cities that did work. Also, she hoped I was feeling better.
I had had a bad day prior. The day before, waking up had been near impossible, my husband ordered McDonald’s delivery for breakfast and I wasn’t hungry so we sat and watched an anime I didn’t want to watch while food sat getting cold in front of me. I ended up not being hungry for 8hrs. We were talking to the group about DnD, but also needed to shower, so while my husband got in the shower, I said some things to the group and then hopped in the shower. Upon telling my husband what I said, he had this look on his face like he was planning how to damage control what I had said, despite not even knowing what it was. My exhaustion had left me vulnerable, so I couldn’t deal with it and cried. He apologized and we talked about it. Bolstered by this conversation, I went on to boldly converse with other people, which is what allowed me to send that email to his mother in the first place. So upon her declaration that she couldn’t help me, I decided to help myself.
So I went through the process of making an account using my husband’s name for the library I wanted and it worked, I think. It’s not verified or maybe it’s not in the city, so I couldn’t check out an ebook. So I was back to square one. Not only back to square one, now I was doubly wrong. I had pursued this process in righteous indignation, after having directly contacted his mother, and been proven wrong. So now, not only was I dumb and wrong, I had put myself out there. I was wrong on stage.
My husband, wanting to help, went and acquired the one book I was using as my litmus for me. There are probably others I could look up, but at least I have that one and it’s sequel.
But yeah, that’s what’s going on with me.
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Here We Are, Born to be Kings - AUgust Day 9
Title: Here We Are, Born to be Kings
Author: Purple_ducky00
Rating: Teen
Warnings: N/A
Pairing: Rhodey/Tony
Square Filled: G2 Dramatic Proposal
Link: Read on AO3
Summary:  Prince James is in love with Lord Tony Stark, a childhood friend. However, the Starks have been disgraced due to embezzlement charges. Can they overcome this?
++++++++++
“Your Highness. Lord Stark is here to see you.” Quentin Beck holds up his nose.
 Prince James Rhodes rolls his eyes. It’s not like Beck should judge. He was only hired because his family was in serious debt.  Tony is working out of his.
 Tony walks in a few minutes later, hair askew. “Wow, Rhodey, your servants hate me. I call it an achievement.”
“They just think it’s ok to judge since their scandals happened long ago enough for people to forget. You don’t deserve this.”
 “I probably do.” Tony shrugs. “It doesn’t bother me. Actually, it gives me the chance to ditch my politeness because they already dislike me.”
 “Oh for that luxury,” Rhodey sighs. He hates the protocol he must go through. Maybe that’s why he finds Tony so refreshing.
 They first met at a football match. Tony was on the other team, and he told the young prince, “We’re not playing any easier because you’re the prince. So, be ready for that.”
 Rhodey laughed and started playing. Tony’s team was clearly better, and they defeated Rhodey's team easily. After the game, Tony invited him to grab some lunch. They have been fast friends ever since.
 Now, Rhodey is 22 and Tony is 21. Tony’s father died last year, and Tony inherited his estate. After going over the numbers, Tony’s godfather, Obadiah Stane informed him that Howard had been falsifying records and was basically bankrupt.
 Dazed and reeling from his parents' sudden death, Tony doesn’t know what to do with this information. He reaches out for help, but as Howard had been stealing money from his peers, everyone refuses to help him. Rhodey offers to bail him out completely. Tony won’t let him. He decides he will work to pay off his father's debts.
 Tony was always incredibly smart. His patented inventions were used worldwide. He decides to start his own company, Stark Enterprises, where he builds and sells hi-tech machinery and entertainment devices. As his company quickly grows, he branches out into clean energy and satellites. Not even a full year after starting his company, Tony is very successful. With only Stane and his PA, Pepper Potts, at his right hand, Tony makes sure that he himself takes care of the books. Every entry is painstakingly entered and checked by the big boss himself.
 Rhodey is very proud of his friend, but it seems that his family is the only one in the kingdom that is. King Terrance and Queen Roberta love the young man as a son, but they often wonder if he is taking on too much, causing his sleepless nights and unhealthy eating habits. Tony waves them off saying he had had those problems before his parents had died.
 Prince James’ PR agent tells him that finding someone to date might be a good look for him. Everyone is looking for news of the royal family, and they will only assume the worst if they don’t hear from each member. Queen Roberta’s cooking classes and bingo games are televised. The king does a podcast twice a month. Jeannie plays tennis professionally. James is the only one without a big public profile, and he prefers that. However, there are some people who think that James is being pushed out of the spotlight or being abused in some kind. To quell any quickly rising rumors, Rhodey agrees to attend sports matches and talk to the press for a few minutes each time. When Tony’s not working his ass off, he often accompanies Tony.
 What Rhodey doesn’t tell his PR agent is the reason he doesn’t date. He is hopelessly in love with Tony and admitting that would be bad for a few reasons. 1.) Everyone in the country is against Tony. They would slander his name even more if they thought he had got his “money-grubbing claws” in the prince. 2.) Tony is straight. He had never told Rhodey otherwise, and he has only dated women as far as Rhodey knows. 3.) He doesn’t want any reason to make Tony uncomfortable in the only place he is welcome other than his home. So, he skirts the topic because fake dating is not his idea of fun.
 Now, Tony’s here and Rhodey knows he’s giving Tony heart eyes. “So, you’ve got a day off from me. What’s the plan, Rhodey?”
 “You pick today. I’m up for anything.” Rhodey trusts that Tony won’t do anything Rhodey can’t.
 Tony sits on the chair beside Rhodey. “I need to sit. I don’t think I’ve stopped moving for a week.”
 “So, what you’re saying is you need sleep.” Rhodey retorts.
“No, I need to spend time with my Rhodeybear. We never did that Star Wars marathon after Rise of Skywalker came out, did we?” Tony pokes him. “We can order like tons of pizza and greasy foods and bro it out like the old times.”
 Stuck in a theatre room with only Tony and highly unhealthy food? “Sounds like a great day. Let’s queue up the movies. I’ll have |Miss Cabe order our food. The usual?” Tony nods and heads off to the theater.
 Rhodey pulls out his phone and texts a maid, Bethany Cabe, to place an order for the following: an extra-large bacon pizza, two orders of cheesy curly fries, mozzarella sticks, and onion rings. Rhodey has cases of Tony’s favorite beer, so they did not need to worry about drinks.
 As they settle in to watch the movies, Tony tells him, “Wake me up if I fall asleep. I don’t want to miss Episode Six again.”
 “Come on Tones, Return of the Jedi isn’t the best.” Rhodey smirks.
 Tony glares at him. “It’s my favorite. Leave me alone. Go ahead and like Empire or whatever one you like the best. Geez.”
 “You know mine is Episode Three. The tragedy, the pain, the John Williams’ scores? A masterpiece.”
 “Anakin deserved better.” Tony mumbles as he eats a bite of pizza. Rhodey sighs. He’s heard this rant many times, and he’ll probably hear it again tonight. Tony really gets into these movies.
 Tony falls asleep at the end of A New Hope, his head falling on Rhodey’s shoulder. He looks so exhausted so Rhodey lets him sleep through Empire since Tony thinks it’s overhyped or something. Rhodey likes it. When Return of the Jedi starts, Rhodey nudges Tony awake. “Episode 6? Honeybear, you are an angel.” Tony kisses his cheek.
 By the time The Last Jedi comes on, both of the men are sleeping. Jeannette comes in to check on them and snaps a picture of Tony lying on top of Rhodey, both snoring away.
 Rhodey wakes up a few hours later and freezes. Tony is sleeping peacefully on him, his head on Rhodey’s chest. He doesn’t dare move in fear of waking Tony up. He slowly reaches for his phone and scrolls through Instagram and other social media apps until Tony wakes up.
 Tony wakes up slowly, but when he’s fully awake he jumps up and goes. “I’ve got to get to work!”
  “Hey Tony. It’s Sunday. We were going to spend Saturday and Sunday together, right?”
 “Oh. Oh. Whew. I thought.” Tony slumps. “Probably hallucinating from all that grease.”
 “Maybe we should get a little more sleep in a real bed.” Rhodey suggests. Tony nods, and they walk up to Rhodey’s room. Since they were kids, Tony always slept in Rhodey’s bed with him. They only ever slept and/or cuddled, and Rhodey has a king bed in case either of them needed their own space.
 They go to Jeannie’s tennis match then accompany her to an expensive Italian restaurant for dinner. The next morning, there are pictures splashed across the tabloids. Stark trying to get in with the Royal Family? Read more on page 3! One says. The Apple Doesn’t Fall far from the Tree – Another Gold-Digging Stark! Rhodey shakes his head. He was afraid this would happen. He calls his PR agent, Maria Hill.
She answers with a “Now do you see why having a partner would be good?”
 “Yes. Do you have any candidates who would be willing to date with no sex and/or strings attached? For public only?”
 “You don’t know how many celebrities only hope for that. Let me see which ones I can get. I’ll send you over a packet when I get them.”
 When he gets the packet, Rhodey isn’t surprised to find that 75% of them are women. Skipping through them, he tells Maria to reach out to an A-list actress Natasha Romanov. She is a beautiful woman, and they seem to have a lot of the same likes and dislikes. She agrees to meet with Rhodey at a small café near the palace. He introduces himself as Rhodey, then corrects it to “James or Jim” when Romanov gives him an odd look. “I’m sorry. My best friend always calls me Rhodey. It’s just what I expect now. I mean, if you want to call me that in private, it’s fine. Maria thinks it’s better if you call me James or Jim when talking with the press.”
“Tell me about this best friend.” Natasha leans forward. “He sounds like a nice guy.”
 Rhodey launches into a detailed description of Tony: his strengths, his flaws, his quirks, etc.  When he’s done, she asks, “And you’re dating me because you can’t date him?”
 “How did you…?”
 “You’re in love with him. Just look at your face. It’s ok. I won’t tell the press. I have almost the same problem. I’m in a poly relationship with a different celebrity couple. However, since Hollywood, even with its sex scandals, still looks down on poly relationships. I need a beard to keep our activity on the downlow. Is that acceptable for you?”
 Rhodey nods. “Of course. And you’re right. I love Tony, but I need to keep the press out of his life. His father put him through a lot, and he’s trying to make up for Howard’s sins. He doesn’t need the extra press coverage. Also, I don’t know if he likes me like that. I’ve never seen him date a guy.”
 “Well, I’d like to meet him.”
 +++++++ Natasha and Tony eventually meet. Tony is happy to meet her, but Rhodey feels that Tony is wearing one of his many masks. |When they kiss goodnight, Natasha tells him, “Rhodey, he likes you.”
 “Not that I want to doubt you, but I’m highly doubtful on this one here.”
 A few months pass, and Natasha and Prince James are photographed at red carpet events, at sports games, and at galas. Rumors are spreading that Prince James might propose soon. Natasha shows up at the palace for a surprise visit. “Hey, can we talk?” She pulls James from his family dinner.
 She tells him how the couple that she is dating are planning on coming out to the press as poly with her because they know some younger people who are receiving hate for their relationships. They want to be allies for such people. And they want her there when they come out. “Can we say we amicably split? I’d love to keep in contact with you.”
 “That sounds good.” His phone pings. He has a google alert set up for Tony because the press likes to come up to him for hostile interviews at the most inopportune times. James does his best to save him. “Listen Nat, I will talk to my publicist, but I have to go.”
 The press has trapped Tony on the palace driveway. “What do you think of Prince James marrying Ms. Romanov?” One reporter asks.
 “I didn’t know they got engaged, but I think they are an excellent match. Well-suited for each other.” Rhodey can see Tony is keeping his press face on but was not ready for the sudden press conference.
 Another reporter sneers. “We know you were trying to get a piece of the royalty. Will you try for the princess now that the prince is spoken for?”
 “Excuse me?” Tony reels. “What are you talking about?”
 “They’ll never have you. You’re just a charity case to them. What do you think of that? Did you think Prince James really liked you? Especially after what your father did?” Another reporter shoves a microphone in his face.
 Tony loses his mask. “Do I think Rho- Prince James really liked me? I have known the prince since we were young teenagers. I know he likes me… as a friend. But anything more? No. He never did, never will. I know what my father did; I know what I have to do to fix it. My father and Prince James have no correlation. What are you even trying to say here?” Rhodey can see the pain in Tony’s eyes. They flash when he says that Rhodey will never like him as anything more as a friend.
 “Excuse me.” Rhodey steps forward. “Can you step away from him, please?”
 The press apologizes and steps away. “Now, I want to say this once more and hopefully never again. Lord Stark is not his father. Lord Stark is paying his father’s investors back as quickly as he can. He started up his business on his own with his trust fund from his maternal grandmother. Howard never saw or added to a penny of that fund. What is the point of hating a man for the sins of his father? Keep rolling. I am talking to the country as a whole. Leave him alone, please. I want to say one more thing. Tony Stark, you are the love of my life. The reason I have not dated is because the only person I have ever loved was you. Yes, Natasha and I dated, but we did to keep other things hidden. I’m sure she will let you know at some point. It’s not my job. Tony, again, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and perhaps rule with you. I do not have a ring yet because I had not planned to propose to you in front of live TV today, yet here I am. Will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”
 “You’re serious?” Tony gasps.
 “Completely.”
 “Then Rhodey, my Honeybear, my Platypus, my Sourpatch, I will marry you in a heartbeat.” Tony smiles widely, and Rhodey kisses him deeply, in front of the cameras. As they turn to the palace, Tony turns back to the cameras, lifts his middle finger, and says, “Fuck you” whilst smiling sweetly.
 ++++++ The country is so shocked at Prince James’ dramatic proposal. People wonder if Tony is a good fit for the prince due to his blatant disregard for protocol. Princess Jeannie posts the picture she took of them sleeping in the theatre room on Instagram, the caption “I knew it.” She broke the internet with the most likes on an Instagram post.
  Tony goes through his numbers and his father’s numbers again to make sure everyone is paid off. While looking at his father’s records again, he notices some discrepancies from Obadiah’s report. The truth comes out – Howard had not done anything wrong; it was Obadiah. He falsified documents, records, and even bills to give him much more money. Obadiah is fired and imprisoned. Tony’s name is cleared. Anthony Stark marries Prince James Rhodes a happy man.
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The Light of Knowledge
A warm comfort fanfic about Dead Poets Society introducing Diana Williams. Might not always be (chronologically) accurate, but has the intention to warm your heart and take you to a wonderful place. Will (hopefully) be updated, because I love wrtiting it. Feel free to give feedback and correct linguistical mistakes <3
Chapter one, in which the thoughts are free
Wer kann sie erraten,                      Who can guess them sie fliehen vorbei,                           they flee away, wie nächtliche Schatten.                 like nocturnal shadows. Kein Mensch kann sie wissen,       No man can know them, kein Jäger erschießen.                    no hunter can shoot them. Es bleibet dabei:                             It stays like it is: Die Gedanken sind frei.                 the thoughts are free
Ich denke, was ich will,                 I think what I want und was mich beglücket,               and what makes me happy, doch alles in der Still,                    but all in silence und wie es sich schicket.               and how it acquiesces. Mein Wunsch und Begehren         My wish and desire kann niemand verwehren,              nobody can deny, es bleibet dabei:                             it stays like it is: die Gedanken sind frei.                 The thoughts are free
(from a German folk song)
I stop and take a deep breath. The time-honoured school building looks stunning against the setting of trees, whose leaves are starting to turn colourful. I still can't believe I'm really here. My heartbeat accelerates with excitement as I let my gaze wander over the dark, weathered brick bulidings and the adjoining school grounds. A river runs through the valley and flows into a lake aside the houses. Welton Academy. I actually made it. A blast opens up the cloudy sky and the golden sun rays of late summer bathe the school building in their light. I close my eyes, hold my face against the warmth and then set out for the Academy, for a new life.
In front of the entrance door, an old man with grey hair is waiting for me. He introduces himself as Dr. Hager and shakes my hand. „You must be the recipient of the Eisenhower-Scholarship. Diana Williams, right?“ I nod. „Yes, Sir.“ „Well, in addition to my function as teacher of mathematics, I am residential supervisor for grades eleven and twelve, a cordial welcome to Welton Academy on my behalf. Please follow me to the director now.“ I tightly sqeeze my suitcase as I walk behind Dr. Hager. In the entrance hall, the walls are covered with pictures of former years and special awards of students. One day, my picture will be on these walls, too, I think and feel like I could scream with joy. But of course, I controll myself. Keep it upright, a slight smile on my lips, just like my mother told me to. Dr. Hager stops and knocks on a door made of the same dark wood the walls here are covered with up to shoulder height. „Come in!“, it sounds from the director's room. I square my shoulders, adjust my glasses and step in. Behind the huge mahogany desk sits a man with short, white hair. For a moment, his eyes behind the round glasses linger on my school uniform before he signifies for me to sit down. „Miss Williams, it is a pleasure to welcome you to this school. Your parents don't seem to have arrived with you?“ „No, Sir. They were both indispensable, so I took the train here by myself.“ Director Nolan takes notice with a nod and then continues. „You certainly understand why the school has asked you not to attend the traditional welcome ceremony. Students and parents have been informed about the project, but the school administration considered it appropriate to avoid any possible disruption of the ceremony.“ In other words, the teachers think the presence of a girl would lead to inappropriate behaviour on part of the students? I internally roll my eyes. „Miss Williams, as you know, your admission to this school is a pilot project. An attempt to see if teaching female students at an institution like Welton is possible. Of course, you are familiar with the rules of this school as well as our four pillars?“ „Yes, Sir. tradition, honor, discipline and excellence, Sir. It is a great honor for me to be able to attend this school.“, I say in a steady voice. Nolan nods again, almost approvingly this time. „Here, you are expected to adhere strictly to the tried and tested standarts and to understanf the four pillars as the headstone of your life. Be aware that your success or failure at this school contributes a major part in the decision about an enlargement of the pupils.“ I can feel his stern look on me, but I don't even blink. I have been aware of the efford and the responsibility this scholarship would entail from the very beginning, when I was suggested by my principal. „As for your school uniform“, Nolan throws a glance at my legs in the suit pants, „an alternative will be found as soon as possible. You will understand that until now, this institution hasn't had any need for adequate skirts.“ That's what I was afraid of. Why can't I just wear pants? Skirts may be pretty, but most of all, they are impractical. Well, my school uniform surely doesn't have top priority here. Who knows how long it will be until I actually have skirts to wear. „It also goes without saying that you won't exploit your position as, well, unique. It is an important requirement for the continuation of your scholarship that the concentrated working atmosphere in the classroom won't be disturbed. For this experiment to be successfull, you too are expected not to let living with male students diminish your achievements.“ „I assure you this won't be an issue, Sir.“ Nolan hands me a paper on which my schedule appears to be printed. „From tomorrow on, you will attend class with your classmates and, based on your last report cards, you will take part in the following extracurricular activities: Pupil's magazine, yearbook and debate club. Dr. Hager will now lead you to your room and I will have your class representative lead you through the school during the afternoon. He will also tell you where to pick up your books. Dinner starts at preciely six o'clock. He rises and so do I. „Thank you for your time, Sir.“ After a quick handshake, I am dismissed.
My new home is a small room, the last one on the left side oft the hallway, that has my name on it's door. The walls are dirty white and it's very plain, but at least it has a window with a wide ledge. It was probably originally used as a storage room or something, but now it has everything I need. A simple metall bed, a wardrobe for my clothes and a desk with a chair and a small lamp. It reminds me of home. I slowly put down my suitcase and step up to the window, from which I have a beautiful view of the school grounds. A slight mist is rising, making the lake and the far edge of the forest seem blurry and mystical. I feel tears rising in my eyes and I can't tell wether it's the beauty of nature or the fact that I'm actually here, at the best preperation school in the United States. Six month ago, I couldn't even dream of an opportunity like this. But now, with a lot of work and a degree from Welton Academy, I should even be able to go to college! Almost floating with happiness, I start unpacking my possesions. I didn't bring much, just a few everyday clothes, my coat and a pair of shoes, which I put into the closet next to the school uniforms that have been sent to me. I have just stored my books and writing material and am wondering what to do with my bathroom stuff when I hear muffled noises outside my door. A moment later, someone knocks. That's probably the class representative, i think and quickly put away my bathroom bag. When I open the door, a boy in grey Welton uniform is leaning against the frame and looks at me with a mischievous grin. Behind him stands a group of boys around my age whose facial expressions range from enthusiastic to mild panik. It's hilarious. I slightly raise my eyebrows. „Can I help you?“ The boy that's leaning in the door frame casually extends his hand. „Charlie Dalton. Welcome to Hell-ton.“ „Diana Williams. Pleased to meet you.“ As I shake his hand, he looks deeply into my eyes and pulls my hand to his lips. I sigh internally and stifle a grimace, but I continue to smile nonchalantly. Of course, I knew what kind of attention I would get here. Remain polite and kind, I admonish myself. Mother taught you the best way to handle situations like this. Fortunately, another boy steps forward and I can withdraw my hand. The boy's school jacket is covered with pins. „Diana, I'm Neil Perry, the class representative. Mr. Nolan sent me to show you around and“, he gestures to his companions and gives me an apologetic look, „these guys absolutely wanted to welcome you, too.“ I inconspicuously wipe my Charlie-Dalton-kissed hand on my pants before i extend it to Neil Perry. „That's nice of you“, I say, even though I can't quite avoid a mocking undertone.  „I understand that it must be rather unusual to have a girl here. Let me tell you, it's a weird situation for me, too. But please, come in if you want to. We really don't have to talk with one foot in the door.“ I sit down on the window sill and watch the whole group enter my freshly occupied room. Charlie Dalton immediately makes himself at home on my bed and another one takes a seat on my desk chair, but the others keep standing more or less awkward in the middle of the room. For a moment, nobody speaks, until I tilt my head and casually ask: „Alright, and how is the rest of my eloquent guests called?“ Charlie Dalton's grin widens as he begins to introduce the other guys. „This right here“, he points to the boy that is sitting on the desk chair, „is Steven Meeks, the genius of the class.“ Steven Meeks makes a face and slightly rises his hand. „To his right, we have Gerard Pitts.“ The boy is so tall that in order to stand unter the pitch of the roof, he has to crouch uncomfortably. „Those two are Knox Overstreet and Richard Cameron...“ A smiling boy and another one with a very neat haircut nod to me. „And this“, he points to a guy that is kind of shyly standing next to Neil Perry, „is Todd Anderson. You already know Neil here. We are the best your class has to offer, the rest is dull.“ I have to smile. „Alright Charlie Dalton, Steven Meeks, Gerard Pitts, Knox Overstreet, Richard Cameron, Todd Anderson and Neil Perry“, I say without missing a beat, „it's a great pleasure to meet you.“
The guys seem smart and adorable and I feel much more comfortable with them than I expected. We talk for a while, then Neil shoos them to the common room so he can carry out his duty as a guide. He shows me where to put my stuff in the bathroom and leads me through the school buildings and the classrooms in which I'll have class tomorrow. Neil chats to me cheerfully and tells me stories about teachers, but i hardly listen. I'm enchanted. The escritoires made from dark wood, the chalkboards, the pin boards, the smell of ink and paper. With every breath, I can feel all the knowledge, all the thoughts and hard work. In the room we have english class in, I sit on one of the escritoires, pull my knees to my chest and stroke the wood, that generations of students chafed with the back of their books, with my fingertips. „There is one thing I don't get“, I say and draw a circle around an ink stain. „You are telling me all these awful things about the teachers and how exhausting the classes will be and yet all I can think about is how beautiful it is here. Don't you feel the freedom this place is radiating?“ I look up and see Neil frown. „Freedom? If Welton lacks in one thing, than it's freedom, believe me on this one. You do have to be disciplined, or else you'll get penalty points.“ I nod pensively and jump off the escritoire. „Hm, I don't think that's what I mean.“ So we go and pick up my books. On our way back to the living quarters, we meet Todd who apparently has been waiting for Neil. Both of them accompany me to my room, where I store the books. Neil turnes to Todd. „Do you get a feeling of freedom when you enter Welton?“ Todd shakes his head. „No, if anything, the opposite of freedom.“, he says quietly. „Why?“ „That's how I felt.“ I turn around to face the boys. „And I think now I know why. You may not feel this way, but for me, this place is more than I could ever dream of. When I can make it here, then...“, I gesture vaguely, „basically anything seems possible.“ Neil and Todd nod. „I'm glad you feel this way“, Neil says with a smile. „You are right, your situation is just different. You didn't expect to go to Welton. But you'll see how little controll they give us here.“ I shrug as I watch the last rays of the dying sun slowly fade away. „The thoughts are free, boys.“ Before I can go on, the bell calls us to dinner.
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fortheloveoffanfic · 4 years
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Lullaby
Keanu Reeves x Reader (Chapter Summary- Two months later and one person is still being affected by a decision they made and another’s apparent rejection bothers them more than they’d prefer to admit.) (Warning- slight NSFW)
Chapter1     Chapter2
Chapter 3
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A breathy sigh escaped her parted, plump lips. The silkiness of her legs rubbed against his thighs and her breasts felt firm and warm, just enough to fit in his palm with room for him to knead appreciatively. The slick heaven between her parted legs was so tight, cocooning Keanu’s member perfectly as he slid in and out of her in controlled thrusts. Her little gasps bounce of the walls, joining his low throaty grunts. Oh the sounds she makes. Y/n’s hair haloed around her on the white cotton pillow, messy and wild. She looked so divine in the most corrupted way. She’s so young, beautiful, oozing with youthful appeal.  And she’s all his.
Except, she’s not. Not really.
With startle, Keanu awoke, sitting up in his bed, drenched in sweat......and something else. “Fuck,” he breathed, scrubbing his hands harshly over his face, proceeding to rub sleep out of his eyes. It was just minutes away from five in the morning and the sun hadn’t even risen yet, but Keanu knew that there was no chance of him falling back asleep.
It had become almost routine by then, his slumber being interrupted by dreams of Y/n, naked in his bed, or other parts of his house. The location never mattered, but for two months, it had been her. His mind had taken it upon itself to conjure up a slew of different sexual fantasies, ideas never seemed to be in shortage, much like his body’s gullibility when it came to believing them.
With a disgruntled sigh, Keanu shook the covers off and took a minute to offer his deflating crotch an annoyed stare. There was a stain at the front and those would be yet another pair of sleep pants that he’d have to hold back of the laundry hamper and deal with himself, lest Linda find out that she was actually working for a thirteen year old boy just discovering the mechanics of his body and not a grown man with the ability to not nut in his pants. 
“The fuck is wrong with me?” He asked himself as he striped lazily, heading for the shower. As he got in, Keanu turned on the hot water, looking up as the water rained down from the entire ceiling of the sizeable cubicle. The shower in the master bath was one of the many things he loved about his house. It mimicked rainfall and could be easily controlled by the sleek silver knobs on the dark tiled wall. 
As Keanu washed himself, his hands rough hands passing over his body, his mind flashed to the night from not too long ago, when he had gotten off the mere memories of a dream of Y/n. Since then, he had refrained from masturbation, at  least to her image. It felt wrong, like he was violating her somehow. Y/n had probably forgotten their encounter by then, returning to....whatever women her age did. Shopping, dating men who weren’t fifty-something- learning how to run multi-million dollar empires. 
He had refrained, yes. And Keanu liked to think that he was normally a man of great, strong restraint, but that morning, as he stood in the shower, hot water washing over him, his fingers brushed his member and thoughts of Y/n took a racy turn. He closed his eyes and started imagining that she was there, her hands touching him, settling to circle his growing erection, pumping slowly as her lips pressed to his, and she mumbled against him, “This what you want, huh? Let me make you feel good baby.”
Throwing his head back, Keanu groaned, his imagination running wild, his vison going white. 
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Men. They were all the same, weren’t they? Y/n was starting to believe the archaic stereotype. They had to be, else, she wouldn’t be in the position she was in. Sitting in a boardroom, eyes blank and teeth clenched as she listened to rantings of an ancient CFO, who apparently didn’t understand the concept of seasonal changes. As he spoke, Y/n found it hard to stay in the moment.....until he called her out on it, “You know, Miss Warren, if you don’t want to stay, the door’s right there. I’m sure kids your age want nothing more than to run wild all, boozed up.”
At his comment, Y/n sucked in a deep breath, closing her eyes as she tried not to snap. After a minute, she plastered on a wide smile, “Run wild?” She quoted, malice edging her tone, “I can assure Mr. Priestly, I’m not bored, just in awe of you’re.......stupidity. I’m not sure if it’s ignorance or if you’ve never watched the news, but the reason we aren’t making in the tropics is because of the hurricane season. You know, hurricanes; big scary storms; lots of wind and rain, really dangerous and we’ve had to close three braches so far because of them,” her words drew down, her tone grew whiney and mocking and an episode of quiet laughter ran across the table as other board members snickered.  
The older man’s face grew hot pink with either embarrassment or anger, and from a mile away anyone could see that his jaw was clenched. The stocky, sausage fingers of his wrinkled hands clenched into his fist before he stuffed them into his pockets, fuming, “Michael, maybe teach your daughter a little respect,” Priestly glared at her father who sat at the head of the sleek glass table, combating his own proud smile.
Michael cleared his throat, leaning back further into his impressive leather chair, folding his arms and nodding, “Yes. Of course. Good observation Y/n,” he tried to look serious, clearing his throat and nodding stiffly, “But perhaps there are better ways to correct our colleagues,” before Priestly could grumble a remark about Y/n not actually being his colleagues, Y/n’s father continued, “But Roger, maybe next time, read the brief first,” he tapped his tablet screen knowingly.
The rest of the meeting went by mostly uneventfully, save for a few snide remarks traded back and forth between Roger and Y/n. At the end of it, everyone gathered their things, dispersing; heading back to their respective offices. After a quick word with her father about the rest of her tasks for the day, Y/n did the same. Usually, they’d ride the elevator together, but he’d promised her mother a lunch date, and Y/n had opted to stay back at the office.
As she stalked past the receptionists’ desk, one of the young girls, just about Y/n’s age or a little younger; Emily, called her back, “Oh! Miss Warren-”
“Emily, we’ve been over this, you can call me Y/n, we went to middle school together,” Y/n chuckled, rounding back to the large shared desk.  
“Y/n,” Emily smiled politely, “You’re cousin is here, she’s waiting in your office.”
“Great! Thanks,” after pleasant good byes, Y/n went straight to her office, pulling open one side of the mahogany doors, the long silver handle cool in her palm, “Jill I-”
“Surprise!” A cluster of voices yelled in cheery unison. 
Taken a back, Y/n jumped, stumbling back into the already closed door. It took barely a minute for her expression of pure shock, with just a bit of fright mixed it, before her face took on a more excited expression. There in her office, was almost everyone she had called a friend over the past ten years; a few girls her age from the country club her parents frequented, a couple people from college and just some others she’d met at parties and other snazzy events, “Oh my god! What are you guys doing here?”
“We’re here for you, obviously. Jill told us that you’ve committed yourself to these four walls,” a guy, someone who Y/n had met on her very first day of college, Mathew, broke from the small crowd, pulling her into a sideways hug, “And we’re here to tell you, that we won’t stand for that.”
“Matt,” Y/n yelped, hugging him back, “It’s been forever. How is the world of venture capitalism?” She laughed lightly.
“About as fun as it sounds,” he grinned, finally pulling away, going to a cooler that they had somehow managed into her office, and getting out a couple beers, “I’m serious though. We’re taking you on a vacation.”
“In May?” Y/n’s brows furrowed in confusion, “We can’t just-”
“Nuh uh,” Catharine, a young woman her age, who Y/n had known since she was sixteen cut her off, “Relax Y/n/n, it’s a week, not a month. You need to unwind and relax. And you’ve missed at least two birthdays, so you have to make up for those too.”
Y/n sighed, a little excited for the activities in the near horizon, but also a little worried about what her father would think if she just stole away from her work for an entire week. Seeing her tormented expression, Jillian stepped in, placing her hands on Y/n’s shoulders, “I already asked Uncle Michael; he’s okay with it and Aunt Heather thinks that this could be good for you,” Jillian's hands rubbed up and down the silk sleeves of Y/n’s blouse and her eyes pleaded with hers, “Come on cuz, all you’d have to do is pack a bag and grab your passport.”
Y/n worried on her bottom lip, thinking that it might be nice to get away for a week, to wear something other than high heels and skirt suits. Sighing, she rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed, her friends seemed to be holding their breaths in anticipation of her answer and a smile tugged at the corner of Y/n’s lips as she spoke, “Well, where are we going?”
Excited cheers erupted and someone popped a bottle of champagne, quickly handing her a glass. Jillian was the one to propose her toast, and answer Y/’s question, “To beautiful, sexy people, old friends, and yachts in Greece!”
At that, glasses clinked, and everyone drank.
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“Hey, whatever happened between you and you sexy movie star friend?” Y/n along with Jillian, Catharine and a couple other ladies were gathered in her closet, helping her pack while everyone else made last minute preparations.
“What sexy movie star?” Amanda, another one of Y/n’s college friends, who had taken her business expertise to Silicon Valley after they graduated asked, “We talked on the phone last week and you didn’t tell me about a movie star. Who was he?”
“He’s hot right?” Catharine interjected, holding up a deep green sundress with happy colorful flowers on it. Briefly, she examined it, then, satisfied, she tossed it into a suitcase.
Another friend, Tracy, the lone doctor of their group giggled at their questions, before asking a couple of her own, “I think the real question is; which one of Hollywood’s silver foxes is Y/n hiding from us. Tell me his last name, an I’ll tell you if I’ve seen his dick.”
Y/n, who had taken a quick shower when they got back to her place, stood in her bathrobe, surveying her selection of bathing suits, “Why would you have seen his dick?”
Tracy scoffed, “You’d be surprised, I make a lot of money on penis enlargements. I’ve seen some pretty famous cocks.”
At that, the girls laughed and Jillian shook her head, “I too have seen famous cocks,” she laughed, “But don’t you have some kind of doctor-patient confidentiality?”
Tracy shrugged and it was Catharine who spoke up again, “I think we’re losing focus here; Y/n slept with a movie star and didn’t tell us. And she won’t even tell us who he was.”
“Or if she’s seen him again,” Amanda inserted.
When Y/n turned to face her friends, holding a bathing suit in each hand, one with a colorful pattern from a season ago and the other a timeless, black, designer bikini, all eyes were on her, expectant and awaiting an answer. Even Jillian, who knew exactly who he was and that Y/n had in fact not slept with him, look amused. “Well, I didn’t tell you because it didn’t happen. We almost had sex. Almost as in someone,” she shot an accusing eye at Jillian, “Interrupted us. And he was Keanu Reeves.”
“Excuse me?” Tracy laughed loudly, dropping the pair of denim shorts she had been holding, “As in Johnny Utah, Jack Traven, and my newest favorite; John Wick. Wow,”  she paused breathlessly, “I’ve actually never seen his dick.”
“Oh” Catharine, an eternal romantic exclaimed, clapping her hands together, “He’s in my favorite movie-”
Before she could even finish, everyone was saying, “Sweet November,” then a little more disconnected, “We know.”
“You should call him,” Amanda suggested matter-of-factly, “That’s a once in a life time opportunity right there.”
“Yeah, okay,” Y/n began sarcastically, “I’ll just pick up my phone and call him, with a number that I don’t have, and ask him to come fuck me on the way to the airport. Hope seven isn’t too much of a crowd,” she ended with a chuckle.
“Like Y/n Warren who has everything at her fingertips can’t get his phone number,” Amanda argued lightly, “You could have anything you want. Any phone number, any address, anything. And that’s what’s stopping you?”
“Yeah,” Y/n gasped, not believing that she was actually being pressured about something like that, “What do you think it is?”
“Fear. He’s nice guy, at least according to everyone who’s ever met him. What if it doesn’t live up to whatever you imagined. You know what they say about nice guys,” Amanda winked and Y/n could have sworn that Tracy whispered something about over achievers.
Jillian was the one who spoke up next, “Well let’s not breath down her back, while we take a minute to consider that this might not be all her fault. Why don’t you tell them what you did.”
Y/n’s cheeks took on a bright pink tint, heat rushing to her ears, “How do you know that?”
“I heard, I was standing like, a foot away.”
Scoffing Y/n shook her head, zipping her suitcase closed and pulling it to the floor, “I.....invited him over. And he never came. There,” she finalized, moving on to finding something to wear to the airport, “He essentially rejected me and that’s it, it was two months ago and I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.
Before anyone in the room could propose otherwise, Mathew was poking his head into the doorway, “I swear I’m not looking,” he put a hand over his eyes, “But we need to get going, the car’s downstairs and the jet’s ready to go.”
Hurriedly, they finished packing and Y/n quickly got dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a grey cable knit sweater, hustling down the stairs, hoping to put the lingering disappointment from Keanu not showing up in the rearview. 
******
Tagging- @baphometwolf666   @a-really-bi-girl​  @paanchu786​
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