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fancifulpurposelesslovely · 1 year

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Andreil - Touch - The King's Men

Notes:

It's here. It's time.

Once again, absolutely some editor discretion happened here. Deciding who was touching who and if it was important Not Touching or casual or whatever took... some effort and guessing.

If you know of any moments I missed, please please please let me know, I'd love to add them here and to my notes.

Chapter 14 will always be my favorite.

There are times I count touching clothes as touching and sometimes as not-touching. If clothes are chosen specifically to avoid touching skin, it's counted as not-touching.

This post is long. Like longer than you think it is. Probably longer than that. Beware when opening.

I don't even want to think about how much time I spent on this specific task, but I'm really happy with it and I hope others enjoy it too!

Andrew Touches Neil

Chapter One

He shouldn't have been surprised that the first thing Andrew went for was the bandage on his cheek. Aaron and Nicky had looked past it, not even noticing it amongst the rest of the gauze and tape. Andrew had spent too much time watching Kevin's back to not put the pieces together. He scratched up a corner of the tape and ripped the bandage off like he wanted to take Neil's face with it. Neil braced himself for violence, but Andrew's blank expression didn't change at the sight of Neil's new tattoo.

“Riko let you go," Andrew corrected him. "We are doing too well this year and your feud is too public. No one would have believed you willingly transferred to Edgar Allan mid-season." Andrew smashed the bandage against Neil's face again and pressed the tape flat with hard fingers. "You weren't supposed to leave Kevin's side. Did you forget?"

…Why did you go?" Neil didn't know if he could say it. Thinking about it was almost too much. Andrew was waiting, though, so Neil choked back his nausea. "Riko said if I didn't, Dr. Proust would—" Andrew clapped a hand over his mouth, smothering the rest of his words, and Neil knew he'd failed.

Chapter Two

He didn't remember putting his head down and definitely didn't remember falling asleep. Fingers digging into the back of his skull startled him awake. He grabbed for a gun, for a knife, for anything close enough to buy him room to flee, and sent the computer mouse skidding across the table. Neil stared blankly at it, then at the screen in front of him. Fingers clenched into a fist in his hair and Neil didn't resist as Andrew forcibly tilted his head back. "Is your learning curve a horizontal line?" Andrew asked. "I told you yesterday to stop making my life difficult." "And I told you I wouldn't promise anything." Andrew let go of him and watched pitilessly as Neil rubbed at his head. Neil sat up straight and started shutting his browsers down.

Andrew dug a fingernail into the hollow of Neil's throat until he had Neil's undivided attention. "Sit down and be still."

Shut up," Wymack said. "When you're sporting fewer than fifty stitches I'll consider letting you on my court again. If I catch you so much as looking at your gear before then I will bench you another week out of spite. Do you understand?" "But—" "Give me a 'Yes, Coach'." "Coach—" Neil forgot the rest of his argument when Andrew pinched his wrist. A bolt of fire popped through his fingers and he snatched his hand away as fast as he could. Neil flicked Andrew an irritated look, but Andrew didn't even look at him. Neil wrapped his arm around his stomach to get his hand out of Andrew's reach and sullenly turned his attention back on Wymack.

Chapter Three

On Neil's right shoulder was a burn scar, courtesy of getting smacked by a hot iron. Andrew put his left hand to it, fingertips lining up perfectly with the raised bumps the iron's holes had left behind. His right thumb found the puckered flesh from a bullet. Neil had slept in his bulletproof vest for almost a month after that close call, too scared to take it off. His mother had to bully him into shedding it long enough to wash up. "Someone shot you," Andrew said. "I told you someone was after me," Neil said. "This," Andrew dug his fingers harder into the iron mark, "is not from a life on the run." "My father gave me that. People came by asking questions about his work. I didn't say anything, but I didn't sit still enough, either. He hit me as soon as the door closed behind them. That's why I gave you 'Abram'," Neil said. "I don't want to give you my father's name because I don't want anyone to call me it ever again. I hated him."

Chapter Seven

"Revenge is a motivator only for the weak-willed," Andrew said. "If you believed that you wouldn't be planning how to kill Proust." The doctor's name still tasted like acid, burning Neil's tongue and throat, but it wasn't enough to put a dent in Andrew's calm expression. Andrew gazed at him in silence for what felt like an eternity, then propped his cigarette between his lips and motioned Neil closer. Neil was sure he was stepping forward into a knife for bringing Proust up again, but he obediently closed the short space between them. Andrew caught the back of Neil's neck in a bruising grip to keep him from retreating. He pulled Neil's head toward him and blew smoke in Neil's face. "This is not revenge," Andrew said. "I warned him what I would do to him if he touched me. This is me keeping my word." He waited a beat to make sure Neil understood, then let go. The next time he raised his cigarette to his mouth Neil took it from him. Neil broke it between his fingers and let it fall to the asphalt by their feet. Andrew watched the halves roll away from each other and turned an unimpressed look on Neil. "Ninety-one percent," Andrew said.

Chapter Eight

Neil dropped the helmet to the pile at his feet and punched the back of his locker. His fist hit plastic instead of metal, and Neil wrenched the broken bag off its hook. When he turned to throw it Andrew caught his wrist. Neil hadn't even heard Andrew cross the room toward him. Neil stared at him and through him, heart pounding in his temples. "It's ruined," Neil said, voice ragged with an awful rage. "It's all ruined." Wymack burst into the room with Nicky on his heels. The sight of so much blood stopped him short for a moment before he strode for Neil. "Is that yours?" "Coach, my gear," Neil said. "It's—" "It's not his." Andrew let go of Neil and went back to his own locker. "He's fine."

Chapter Nine

Andrew dug a finger in Neil's cheek and forcibly turned his head away. "Don't look at me like that. I am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren't mine." "I'm not looking for an answer. I just want—"

"No one asked you." With that, Andrew caught Neil's face in his hands and leaned in. Nicky's drugged assault aside, Neil hadn't kissed anyone in four years. The last girl was a scrawny French-Canadian who'd held him with just her fingertips and kissed like she was afraid of smudging her tacky-bright lipstick. Neil couldn't remember her name or face anymore. He remembered only how unsatisfying the illicit encounter had been and how furious his mother was when she found them. That awkward peck wasn't worth the punishment that had followed. This was nothing like that. Andrew kissed him like this was a fight with their lives on the line, like his world stopped and started with Neil's mouth.

He hadn't figured out which way to lean before Andrew pried Neil's hand off his coat. "Let go," Andrew said. "I am not doing this with you right now." He practically shoved Neil's arm away from him and leaned back out of Neil's space.

Chapter Ten

Neil took the pint from Andrew's unresisting fingers, stacked it on top of his, and leaned in. He stopped shy of actually kissing Andrew, not daring to touch him until Andrew gave him a green light. Andrew's expression didn't change but there was a subtle shift in his body's tension that told Neil he'd gotten Andrew's attention. Neil lifted a hand but stopped it a safe difference from Andrew's face. Andrew caught hold of his wrist and squeezed in warning. "It's fine if you hate me," Neil said. It was the truth, if a bit of an understatement. So long as Andrew was only physically attracted to Neil, this was safe to experiment with. Neil's death wouldn't be more than a faint inconvenience to Andrew. "Good," Andrew said, "because I do." For a second Neil thought Andrew would push him away and be done with this. Andrew did push, but he followed Neil down. The short carpet was rough against Neil's knuckles where Andrew pinned his hand over his head. Neil couldn't complain when Andrew was an unyielding weight on top of him. He started to reach for Andrew again but stopped himself halfway there. Andrew snagged that hand too and held it down out of the way. "Stay," Andrew said, and leaned down to kiss him. Time was nothing. Seconds were days, were years, were the breaths that caught between their mouths and the bite of Neil's fingernails against his palms, the scrape of teeth against his lower lip and the warm slide of a tongue against his. He could feel Andrew's heartbeat thrumming against his wrists, a staccato rhythm that echoed in Neil's veins. How a man who viewed the world with such studied disconnect could kiss like this, Neil didn't know, but he wasn't going to complain. Neil had forgotten what it was like to be touched without malicious intent. He'd forgotten what body heat felt like. Everything about Andrew was hot, from the hands holding him down to the mouth steadily taking Neil apart. Neil finally understood why his mother thought this was so dangerous. This was distraction and indiscretion, avoidance and denial.

Chapter Eleven

Andrew set the beer aside without taking a sip and closed the fridge door with his foot. It took two steps to close the small space between them and Andrew stopped as close as he could get without actually leaning against Neil. His fingers were cold from the can when he curled them around Neil's chin.

Yes or no?" Andrew asked. "Yes," Neil said. Andrew sent a significant look down at Neil's arms where they were folded across his chest. It took Neil a moment to catch on, and then he dropped his arms and stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets. Andrew waited until he'd gone still before kissing him. Neil stopped thinking about classes, Exy, and Kevin's liquid spine and let Andrew kiss him senseless. He was cotton-headed and unsteady by the time Andrew pressed his other hand flat against Neil's abdomen. Every nerve ending from his chest down seemed to twitch in response. Neil clenched his hands into fists like that would keep them where they were and let Andrew back him into the wall.

Andrew pushed him harder into the wall, mapping him out through his shirt from shoulders to waist and back again. He'd had his hands on Neil's bare skin just a couple weeks ago when he saw Neil's scars, but this felt completely different. This was Andrew learning every inch and edge of him. His hands had never felt this heavy or hot before. Every press and demanding slide of his fingers sent heat curling through Neil's veins. It made Neil restless, made him anxious, made him lean a little deeper into Andrew's kisses and made him too aware of the denim trapping his hands at his hips.

Neil couldn't remember the last time he'd put hands on someone. It wasn't the girl in Canada—maybe the girl before. For the first time he considered touching Andrew like that and learning Andrew's body the way Andrew was memorizing his. He wanted to find the places that made Andrew give ground. He hadn't said that aloud, but as if on cue Andrew followed Neil's arms down to his wrists and poked his fingers into Neil's pockets. He was making sure Neil's hands were still there, Neil guessed, so Neil twisted his hands deeper in response. Andrew caught hold of his wrists and squeezed to stop him. After a moment's consideration he pulled Neil's hands free and held them up by his head. He kissed Neil like he wanted to bruise his lips and leaned back to fix Neil with an intense stare. "Just here."

They didn't talk at night, maybe because they'd talked at practice or maybe because it was late and they were only stealing a few minutes before much-needed sleep, but night was where Neil had the most questions. They niggled at him when Andrew pinned him against chilly concrete and worked hot hands under his shirt. Being curious about Andrew wasn't anything new, but the gnawing importance of these answers was. Kissing Andrew changed things even if Neil knew it shouldn't. He wanted to know where all of the lines were and why he was the exception. He wanted to know how Andrew was okay with this after everything he'd been through and how long it'd taken him to come to terms with his sexuality after Drake's abuse. Neil stole the cigarette as he sat down beside Andrew and turned it over in his hands. Andrew blew smoke in his face in response, so Neil flicked ash at him and made as if to stub the cigarette out. Andrew pinched his wrist and took the stick back.

"That's a first," Neil said. "Do I get a prize for shutting you up?" "A quick death," Andrew said. "I've already decided where to hide your body." "Six feet under?" Neil guessed. "Stop talking," Andrew said, and kissed him.

Chapter Fourteen

There was a crash behind Nathaniel, the unmistakable sound of a body slamming into wood. He turned as Andrew forced his way into the room with Wymack right on his heels. Kurt grabbed at Andrew but lost his grip when Wymack shouldered past him. Nathaniel had only a second to see the handcuffs locking Andrew and Wymack together, and then Browning reacted to the violent entrance by reaching for his gun. He tried straightening, but Andrew caught his shoulder and shoved him to his knees. Nathaniel went without argument and cradled his wrecked hands in his lap.

Andrew's expression was deceptively calm, but there was iron in his grip when he seized Nathaniel's chin

He dragged a finger along the lines of tape keeping the myriad of bandages in place as if looking for the best place to start. He tore the gauze off Nathaniel's right cheek first, exposing the striped lines left by Lola's knife. He favored the stitches with a cursory glance before moving on. The tape on Nathaniel's other cheek hurt like hell coming off, since it pulled the skin around his burns, and Andrew froze with his hand a few scant inches from Nathaniel's face.

Andrew pressed two fingers to the underside of Nathaniel's chin to turn his head. Nathaniel let himself be guided and said nothing while Andrew looked his fill

He caught hold of Nathaniel to turn his face forward again and shot Abby a look so vicious she stopped in her tracks.

…I don't want—" he started, but that wasn't fair. "If you tell me to leave, I'll go." He didn't say it would kill him, but he didn't have to. Andrew hooked his fingers in the collar of Nathaniel's sweatshirt and tugged just enough for him to feel it. For a moment Nathaniel was months away from this moment, standing in the darkened front hall of Andrew's house for the first time with a warm key digging into his palm. It felt like coming home, and it was enough to take the edge off his fear. "You aren't going anywhere," Andrew said: the same words, the same promise.

Andrew tugged Nathaniel's hoodie and said in German, "Get rid of them before I kill them."

Neil sat in the backseat with Andrew and toyed with the bandages on his face. Andrew popped the back of his head when he realized what Neil was doing and ignored Neil's scowl.

Neil didn't know what sound he made but Andrew's fingers were a sudden and unforgiving weight on the back of his neck. Andrew pushed him forward and held him down. Neil tried to breathe but his chest was as tight as a rubber band ready to snap.

Chapter Fifteen

Andrew studied his chest with a bored look, but the fingers he pressed to Neil's scars were a heavy and lingering weight. Neil waited to see if he had anything to say, but Andrew hadn't spoken to anyone since they checked out of the hotel in Baltimore. Neil doubted the others had noticed, since Andrew rarely talked to even Kevin or Nicky now that he was sober, but Neil wasn't used to the silent treatment.

A hand in his hair jarred him from his thoughts and he cracked his eyes open to see Andrew standing in front of him. Andrew hadn't bothered to get undressed aside from stripping his bands and shoes off. Water plastered his black shirt to him, and small streams raced down his temples and over his cheeks to drip off his chin. Neil reached for his face, remembered the bags just in time, and frowned a bit in annoyance. Andrew pushed his hand aside and yanked the shower curtain closed. Andrew got Neil's hair washed efficiently, if not gently, but by the time he moved on to Neil's body there was more kissing than cleaning.

Chapter Seventeen

Finally Andrew looked back at him, but for a moment Neil didn't know who he was looking at. In the space of one breath Andrew's expression went so dark and distant Neil almost retreated. Then Andrew was back, as calm and uncaring as always, and he caught Neil's wrist to push his hand to his side. He dug his fingers in before letting go, not quite hard enough to hurt, and said, "That's why." Neil stopped when Andrew told him to. It wasn't much, but it was more than enough. Neil managed a nod, too numb to speak, and watched Andrew walk away from him.

Chapter Eighteen

The club was too loud for Neil to hear Andrew's approach, but suddenly Andrew was pressed into his side by the crowd. Roland looked from Andrew to Neil and back again, brow furrowed a bit in badly-concealed concern. Neil realized then he was looking for a sign they were all right after what he'd let slip back in January.

Chapter Nineteen

The darkness should have hidden the jittery wreck he'd become, but Andrew wasn't fooled. He jabbed Neil's shoulder on his way back out of the room. Neil tore his gaze away from Kevin's unconscious form and followed. Andrew pushed him up against the wall with heavy hands and hard kisses. "Junkie."

Neil Touches Andrew

Chapter Two

Matt made the mistake of stopping to look. Andrew didn't even hesitate but punched Matt hard enough to knock him off his feet. It should have been impossible to topple him; Matt had more than a foot on Andrew and could out-press any of them at the gym. Andrew had the advantage of surprise, though, and didn't stop when Matt fell. He smashed his fist into Matt's face as soon as Matt hit the ground. Dan was on her feet in a heartbeat, but somehow Neil made it to Andrew first. He didn't even remember deciding to move. He used his body and momentum to shove Andrew back. He expected Andrew to hold his ground, but Andrew let himself get pushed and flicked Neil an unconcerned look. Neil put his hands up between them in case Andrew tried to go around him.

Chapter Eleven

Andrew watched the phone bounce off the couch and skitter across the carpet. It was a toss-up whether or not he'd ask. Neil kissed his neck, hoping to distract him, and was rewarded with a startled jolt. That was enough reason to do it again. Andrew pushed his face away, but they were standing too close together for Neil to miss the way he shivered. Andrew kissed him before Neil could say anything about it.

"Okay," Neil said, and dug his fingers into Andrew's hair as soon as Andrew's grip went slack. It wasn't much but it was a desperate relief having something to hold onto. Maybe that low rush in his gut was from being trusted enough to reach out at all. Neil would figure it out later. All that mattered now was how easy it was to pull Andrew in for another kiss.

Chapter Twelve

"Are you ever going to tell them?" Neil asked. "I won't have to," Andrew said as he slid out of his seat. Neil would have reached out to stop him, wanting to hear the rest of that, but Andrew wasn't leaving. Instead he helped himself to the other half of Neil's seat. Neil turned to face him as Andrew explained. "Renee says the upperclassmen are betting on your sexuality. They're split down the middle." Matt had said they were betting on Neil, but this wasn't what Neil expected them to be putting money on. He floundered a moment, unsure how to react, but said at last, "It's a waste of time and money. They'll all lose. I've said all year I don't swing and I meant it. Kissing you doesn't make me look at any of them differently. The only one I'm interested in is you." "Don't say stupid things." "Stop me," Neil returned. He buried his hands in Andrew's hair and tugged him in for a kiss. It was easy to forget this endless ride and tonight's game with Andrew's hand on his thigh and teeth on his lip. Andrew pulled away too soon and got to his feet. Neil knew this wasn't the time or place, but that didn't stop him from feeling cheated.

Chapter Fourteen

"I was going to tell you," Nathaniel said. "Stop lying to me." "I'm not lying. I would have told you last night, but they were in our locker room." Nathaniel still had his hands up by Andrew's face, so he lightly tapped a thumb against the bruise at Andrew's eye. "I didn't know they'd staged a riot."

"Get away from us," Andrew said. "Andrew," Abby said, quiet and careful. "He's hurt. Let me see him." "If you make me repeat myself you will not live to regret it." Nathaniel had never heard that murderous tone from him. It made his hair stand on end but somehow eased some of the lava in his chest. It was Nathaniel's fault Andrew's self-control was in shreds, but it was also for his sake. Andrew's bottomless rage would never hurt Nathaniel, and that made all the difference in the world. Nathaniel gave Andrew's hair a cautious tug. Andrew resisted the first two attempts but finally let Nathaniel drag his attention back where it needed to be.

Nathaniel kept one hand buried in Andrew's hair but finally lowered the other. In quiet German he said, "Did they tell you who I am?"

"My uncle executed him," Nathaniel said, wondering. He crossed a precarious line and pressed two fingers to Andrew's chest over his heart. The memory chilled him to the bone, and he couldn't suppress all of a shudder. "I spent my whole life wishing he would die, but I thought he never would. I thought he was invincible. I can't believe it was that easy."

Chapter Fifteen

Andrew made the mistake of turning his face away at one point, so Neil chased water down the side of Andrew's neck. Andrew's fingers clenched convulsively on Neil's sides as a shudder wracked Andrew's frame. Andrew tried to recover with a ground-out, "Your neck fetish is not attractive." "You like it," Neil said, unapologetic. "I like that you like it." He bit down to prove his point and Andrew turned his head into it with a sharp hiss. Neil smiled where Andrew couldn't see it.

Chapter Sixteen

Andrew preceded him out of the room, but Neil snagged his sleeve as he tugged the door closed behind them. Andrew obediently turned to face him.

Chapter Seventeen

Neil stared at his empty palms, mystified, then reached under the hems of Andrew's long sleeves and caught the edges of Andrew's bands. He knew there were sheathes in Andrew's bands and had handled them before, but the weight still caught him off-guard.

Neil let him get to the railing overlooking the campus pond before catching hold of Andrew's elbow. Andrew wrenched out of his grip but stopped moving.

Chapter Eighteen

Andrew took the stool so no one could get between him and his drinks, and Neil stood as close to his back as he could

Mutual Touching

Chapter One

Neil was the first out and he caught Andrew's door before Andrew could close it. Andrew didn't move, but there was just enough room for Neil to lean in and get his binder. He straightened and turned to find Andrew had shifted closer. There was nowhere for Neil to stand except up against Andrew, but somehow Neil didn't mind. They'd been apart for seven weeks but Neil keenly remembered why he'd stayed. He remembered this unyielding, unquestioning weight that could hold him and all of his problems up without breaking a sweat. For the first time in months he could finally breathe again. It was such a relief it was frightening; Neil hadn't meant to lean on Andrew so much.

Chapter Eleven

Andrew slowly let go of his wrists and placed a hand flat on Neil's chest. They stood like that an age, Andrew testing Neil's control and Neil content to kiss their mouths numb. Andrew's hand between his legs was an unexpected weight. Neil didn't realize how tight he twisted his fingers in Andrew's hair until Andrew bit his lower lip in warning. Neil grumbled something incoherent and forcibly loosened his death grip. He thought he tasted blood, but it was a fleeting tang quickly forgotten as Andrew got his button and zipper undone. Andrew wasn't gentle, but Neil didn't want him to be. Neither of them had the constitution for tenderness. This was ruthless, almost angry, Andrew's hand taking Neil as far and fast as he could go. Neil tried pulling Andrew closer, but Andrew kept a hand flat on Neil's chest to keep space between their bodies. Neil barely managed Andrew's name before Andrew pushed him over the edge and kept going. Andrew smothered his frantic gasp with a last hard kiss and finally let go of him. They stood cheek-to-cheek a minute, an hour, a day, Neil's heart pounding in his temples and overloaded nerves shuddering. Coherent thought came back in lazy, fractured pieces and the first thing Neil was really aware of was how tight Andrew's fingers were digging into his chest. Neil tried to look down, but Andrew gave him a short shove in response. "What about—" Neil started. Andrew cut him off with a low, "Don't." "You can't go back to Kevin and Nicky like that." "I said be quiet." "You said 'don't'," Neil said. Neil flexed his fingers in Andrew's hair, fixing his grip so he could tug Andrew into a short kiss. Andrew tolerated it for only a moment before leaning back. He wiped his hand on Neil's shirt before tugging at Neil's wrists.

Chapter Fifteen

Neil leaned in to kiss him, needing to know if Andrew would lean away or push him back. Instead Andrew opened his mouth to Neil without hesitation and slid his hand up Neil's chest to his throat. Kissing hurt his injured cheeks but Neil fought to ignore that twinging pain. It'd only been a couple days since those kisses on the bus but right now it felt like forever.

Maybe Andrew felt the twist of his lips against oversensitive skin, because he tangled his fingers in Neil's hair and pulled his head away. Andrew put a hand flat against Neil's abdomen and pushed, backing Neil up until he was out of the spray and pressed flat against slick, chilly tile. Andrew bit the question into the corner of Neil's jaw. "Yes or no?" "It's always yes with you," Neil said. "Except when it's no," Andrew said. Neil put a plastic-wrapped finger to Andrew's chin, guiding his head up for another kiss. "If you have to keep asking because—I'll answer it as many times as you ask. But this is always going to be yes." "Don't 'always' me." "Don't ask for the truth if you're just going to dilute it."

Andrew clapped his hand over Neil’s mouth and kept it there until going to his knees meant he couldn’t reach anymore. Andrew ghosted kisses across Neil’s hip before swallowing him whole. Neil caught at Andrew’s hair, but his injuries and the plastic bags made it difficult for him to get a good grip. He scrabbled at the wall instead, but it was too slick to offer much leverage. Andrew pinned him against the wall with a hand on his hip, which helped, but Neil still felt like he was falling.

“Do you want—” he started, voice ragged. Andrew kissed him to shut him up. Neil grimaced a little at the taste on Andrew's tongue but was happy to burn it away. Andrew braced himself with a forearm against the wall, keeping a few comfortable inches between their bodies. Neil let him have that gap but crossed his aching arms behind Andrew's head to keep him close. Neil didn't notice the absence of Andrew's other hand until Andrew's breath caught against his lips. It confused him for a second, to the point that he was almost stupid enough to pull back and look down. It'd been weeks since kissing Andrew became a regular thing, but every night ended the same: with Andrew getting Neil off and then sending Neil on his way. He wouldn't even unzip his pants when Neil was still around. Neil didn't know if this break in routine was grudging trust or determination to not let Neil out of sight again. Neil didn't care right now so long as Andrew stayed. Neil hummed something into Andrew's mouth that could have been approval, could have been encouragement, and got a faint growl in response. Andrew wasn't amused by Neil's support, but he wasn't annoyed enough to pull away, either. Neil held tight until Andrew finally went still. Andrew took a couple seconds to catch his breath, then pushed at the wall until Neil obediently dropped his arms and let him go. Andrew rinsed his hand in the spray before getting to his feet and helping hoist Neil up.

Chapter Seventeen

Neil locked the door behind him and crossed the room to Andrew's side. Andrew let him take the vodka away without argument or resistance. Neil screwed its cap on tight and set it where neither of them could knock it over. Andrew was ready when Neil turned back to him, and he caught Neil's collar to pull him down. Neil planted one hand against the rough carpet to keep himself leveraged off Andrew's body. The other he buried in the beanbag near Andrew's head. Andrew dragged a hand down Neil's arm from his shoulder to his wrist. "Last I checked you hated me," Neil said against Andrew's mouth.

Neil ignored that dismissal because Andrew was already pulling him down again. They kissed until Neil felt dizzy, until he wasn't sure he could hold himself up anymore, and then Andrew pulled Neil's hand off the beanbag chair. He held it up away from them for an eternity, then slowly pressed it flat against his chest and let go. Andrew tensed up underneath Neil's hand but relaxed before Neil could pull away. Neil wasn't fooled. Andrew had made it very clear the first time he kissed Neil how important an actual "yes" was. This casual surrender wasn't genuine consent. Andrew was doing this because of what they'd said on Wednesday, but Neil wasn't sure which one of them Andrew was trying to convince. It'd only been three months since Proust's abuse and four months since Drake's attack. Neil didn't know when Andrew would be okay with this but he knew it wasn't today. Neil left his hand on Andrew but refused to move it from that spot.

Not Touching

Chapter One

...If you are worried about dying of exposure you're a little late." Andrew raised a hand to Neil's face but stopped with his fingers just a breath from Neil's skin. Andrew wasn't looking at his injuries; he was staring at Neil's unguarded eyes. "Did I break my promise or were you keeping yours?"

Chapter Five

Andrew started to turn away, so Neil hooked his gloved fingers in the netted head of Andrew's racquet and gave a careful tug.

Chapter Six

"That's enough," he said in German. He was close enough to grab Andrew, but Andrew had warned him he didn't like being touched. He held his hand out over Renee's head instead and waited for Andrew to flick it a hooded look. Satisfied he had Andrew's attention, Neil said again, "That's enough, Andrew."

Chapter Nine

Neil's heart stuttered to a stop at the first hard press of lips against his and he reached up without thinking. His hand made it as far as Andrew's jaw before he remembered Andrew didn't like to be touched. Neil caught hold of Andrew's coat sleeve instead and knotted his fingers in the heavy wool. The touch was a trigger. Andrew leaned back just enough to say, "Tell me no."

Chapter Eleven

Neil obediently let go of him and didn't miss the way Andrew watched him lower his hands. Neil didn't know if he could get them back in his pockets without brushing up against Andrew, so he tucked them behind his back instead. Andrew eased back out of Neil's space and dropped his hands. "Go," Andrew said. "Where?" Neil asked. "Anywhere I can't see you," Andrew said. Neil wouldn't live long enough to understand all the broken layers of Andrew's sexuality, but he at least knew better than to be offended by that dismissal. He waited until Andrew was far enough back that he could step away from the wall without bumping into him. The room was set up so his desk was partially out of sight from the door, but Neil went to the bedroom instead. He dug the knuckle of his thumb into his swollen lower lip and winced a little at the sting. He peeled his shirt over his head, bundled it up to hide the mess, and stuffed it into his laundry basket. He traded his jeans for sweats, scrounged up an old tee to wear, and leaned against his bed to wait.

Chapter Twelve

Neil heard the click of a lock coming undone and knew the referees were opening the door. Andrew wasn't moving yet, but Neil still put an arm in his path to keep him where he was. He pressed his gloved hand to the wall and leaned in as close to Andrew as he could with all of his bulky gear on. "I'm asking you to help us," Neil said. "Will you?" Andrew considered it a moment. "Not for free." "Anything," Neil promised, and stepped back to take his place in line again.

Chapter Fourteen

Andrew's fist went back, but he didn't take the swing. Nathaniel knew it wasn't because that was the hand cuffed to Wymack; Andrew's arm actually shook with the effort it took to not knock Nathaniel's head off his neck. Nathaniel said nothing to tip the balance either way. At length Andrew uncurled his fingers and let his hand hang limp from the cuff. "Say it again and I will kill you," he said.

Chapter Seventeen

"How is this okay?" "It isn't a 'this'," Andrew said. "That's not what I'm asking. You know it isn't. Andrew, wait," he insisted, because Andrew was turning away like he couldn't hear Neil anymore. Neil reached for him, unwilling to let him leave without a real answer. "No," Andrew said, and Neil's hand froze a breath from Andrew's arm. Andrew went still as well, and they stood for a minute in awful silence.

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