reread my 3am fic and still have strong feelings about the version of saga and casey that is affected by The Story. that is to say - a saga who lost her daughter - who struggles with alcohol - who is divorced - who turned herself back to her work and her mysteries - and casey the partner who cares about her so fucking much.
but also a saga who actually knows her grandad and odin - maybe has a complicated relationship with them- but that time spent in watery changed her and she's more of an Anderson than any other version of saga. she knows about the anderson power. she loves her grandad and begrudgingly accepts that he is trying to make up her childhood to her. he buys her things because he doesnt know what to do. and boy does she drink like an anderson. and boy can she fight like one too. and she has the ANGRY streak because she's tor's granddaughter and he's got lightning in his veins.
and honestly i think saga is casey's people. no matter what she is. and he knows her grandpa too now - he loves the golden oldies and that anderson moonshine. and he worries about her more than himself but also knows that turnabout is fair play. they are the only two who can keep eachother up. the only two that get eachother. he knows she could do better but whatever this balance they have now - years after tragedy - it works for them. the career they have made. the reputation. the friendship. he's terrified of losing it. terrified of the status quo being upended.
they are fucked up and partners and love eachother and thats translated in a million messy ways but its theirs and......rrraagggghhhhhhhhhhh
Some disheveled daydrinker walked into the motel office and asked me if his buddy was staying here. I told him I couldn't give out that information, and he responds "oh, so he IS staying here? What room is he in?" I tell him that I don't know the names of everyone staying here, and even if I did I wouldn't give away guest information to any rando who walks in off the street.
"If I was a cop, you'd tell me."
Buddy, if you were a cop, I'd tell you to come back with a warrant, and then you'd shoot me where I stood and tell my corpse to drop the weapon and stop resisting. Get the fuck out of here.
All the Ray apologists need to be immediately signed up for Al-Anon. I want to hang half the Discord because they're like he drinks because that's the only way he can get people to take care of him... And it's like YES THIS IS ADDICT BEHAVIOR. We don't meow meow this because we don't want to encourage it, we want him to get better and [screams in enabling] 🤣 😅 ☠️
P.S. People living in a world of lies, false beliefs or fake religions are like alcoholics or drug addicts: take away their alcohol or drugs and they will rage against you...
I wanted to ask after that quote, if xiaoge is also in a chinese bl alcohol-anti squad in the novels?
😂😂😂 "alcohol-anti squad"? What do you mean? As in intolerant like Lan Zhan or Shen Wei or smth?
No lol, and it didn't seem at least to me like he's against drinking either, if you meant it like that. He doesn’t drink during their "adventure" times, cause he is always on high alert, so that time Wu Xie got upset he wouldn't drink with him was bc Wu Xie and Pangzi were both drunk and Xiaoge didn't trust Yuncai or their surroundings, so he was the only one on guard.
And it's true that he doesn't drink during parties too, even if it's with Wu Xie's close friends and family, bc he keeps an eye on him and sees him to bed. I also remember that while Wu Xie was sick he got drunk in the village with the gang, Xiaoge didn’t drink bc he was watching him and brought him water, when he drank too much. During New Years, even with Pangzi, Xiao Hua ad XiuXiu, Wu Xie's parents and Wu Erbai there, he still kept an eye on him, bc crowds are a no-no for him.
All in all you know Xiaoge, he doesn't trust anyone, besides three people and it's a bit sad thing, but if someone else is there or they're not in the safe place, he's unable to relax due to his mind state. So I just think that in most times he feels like can’t afford to get dizzy.
So yeah, during shananigans no, bc dangerous. During large parties also no, bc he watches his drunk husband, thats all true.
That’s why I think this scene is hundred times sweeter. I don’t think he brought non-alcoholic beer lololol. That means he’s home, he feels safe, Wu Xie will sleep next to him in normal bed and he can just relax for the first time in a while.
And that's truly the 8th wonder of the world that he feels that way with them :)
P.S. 😂 I mean, he's also not opposed to nicotine in stressful situations. Like he doesn’t smoke, but he did chew on tobacco, like when Wu Xie was smoking and contemplating "how easy it is to die" after A Ning’s death.
And ofc the only time Xiaoge actually lit up a cigarette and smoked, which shocked Wu Xie to the core was during the night before the goodbye. I bet he wished he could've gotten drunk in that moment too. But hell we all get it, we also wished we read this part with a bottle of vodka lmao T_T
I see the change as the alcohol seaps into his brain. Clouding up his thoughts. It's poison on his tongue. It lashes out, gutting me with those painful words. He stares at me and I stare back into the face of a stranger. I don't know who he is when he drinks. And I forget who he was before he picked up the bottle.
I'm trying to stay sober. But there's still a part of my brain that's begging me,
"One day we'll be able to drink socially-- just for big events! That would be okay!"
All while simultaneously daydreaming about being off on a trip Somewhere in the future and getting wasted in whatever hotel room I'm in.
I don't want to drink anymore. I don't want to want alcohol anymore.
I'm worried that the relief of being done with drinking, and being 6 days sober, is part of the "pink cloud". I'm worried I won't know what to do with myself when it fades.
I just want to go on record and say that if there was a gateway drug, a drug that if you did enough it made you consider taking harsher or more dangerous drugs, it would be without a doubt alcohol. I've never considered harsh drugs when I was high, but when I'm drunk I have considered cocaine. Never got close to trying it. But it's the only time I can honestly say that it crossed my mind.