#after writing this kabedon doesn't even look like a word that exists anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

archived-kin · 3 years

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kabedonning with the boys

note from kin: i’m going to be trying to include luke platonically when i do these group headcanons, so his section is about him saving you from being kabedonned by two of the others rather than doing any actual kabedonning - since i couldn’t figure out a way to fit him into a kabedon scenario without accidentally making it seem romantic in some way

the dateable characters have two sections - 1. doing the kabedonning and 2. being kabedonned. luke also has two sections, but for him it’s 1. what he does when simeon kabedons you, and 2. what he does when lucifer kabedons you, relating back to those two respective characters’ sections

i make a few references to the clinginess piece here and there but i don’t think you have to have read that one to understand them

fandom: obey me!

character(s): gn! reader, lucifer, mammon, levi, satan, asmo, beel, belphie, diavolo, barbatos, simeon, luke, solomon

pairing(s): demon bros/reader, side-dateables/reader, luke & reader

warning(s): uhhhh i make a jojo reference if that counts (also this is another big one, heads up)

genre: fluff

lucifer:

kabedonning—

lucifer does kind of half-kabedon you on the daily but they don’t really count - they’re just him sidling in front of you to block off the outside world a little so that no one tries to interrupt a moment or a conversation

actual full on, aggressive hand-slam kabedons are actually quite few and far between

he typically doesn’t like doing them because it’s a very obvious ploy for attention and it kind of hurts his pride to need to go to that extent for it

also he finds them a little brutish. like, he’s all about the dominance stuff or whatever, but isn’t shoving the object of your affections into a wall kinda unnecessary?? (plus he’s a little worried he’ll hurt you by accident because demon strength and all that)

when he does do it, it’s usually to get back at you if you’ve been teasing him, or if you’ve gotten him all flustered in a public setting where he really doesn’t want to be caught looking like romeo when he first saw juliet

it’s kind of his way of trying to take control of the situation - being so flustered and unable to properly articulate all the fuzzy feelings bubbling up in him makes him feel like he’s lost all power in this situation, and while he’d probably trust you with every ounce of his actual power should it come down to it, it still makes his pride hurt a bit

the aforementioned fuzzy feelings usually translate into the whole hand-slam thing - the louder the thud (or the ‘don’, if you will), the more flustered he’s feeling

but, because he’s generally already in a bit of a tizzy by this point, it’s very easy to get him even more flustered

look in directly in the eyes. that’s it he’s gone

when he does this whole embarrassment-driven kabedon thing, he’s usually got his head bent so that you can’t see his face clearly, so you’ll have to either tilt his head back up with your hand or bend down to look up into his face. either way he’s going to implode

hopefully you don’t have any plans in the near future because once lucifer’s calmed down his heart a little bit you’re not going anywhere anytime soon

kabedonned—

if you were anyone else you would have to have balls of absolute STEEL to have the nerve to try to kabedon lucifer

luckily you are not anyone else, so that rule doesn’t apply to you

so! lucifer generally responds to being kabedonned in three ways

1. smooth: lucifer looks at you for a moment, chuckles, then kisses you

this is the most common response because lucifer is in general a very smooth demon (when you haven’t already pre-flustered him to high heaven)

he won’t say it aloud but he very much likes it when this happens

anything that gives him an excuse to kiss you is a good thing to him tbh

2. windows system failure: exactly what it says on the tin. lucifer’s mind goes completely blank and he just stands there against the wall staring at you like ‘huh’

this is second most common and usually happens when you kabedon him while he’s preoccupied with thinking about something

his mind’s still half focused on that other thing but he’s also dimly aware that something has just happened. he’s not entirely sure what, but it sure did happen

this one usually then leads into 1 but it can on occasion lead to...

3. heart-shake: lucifer goes bright red and is unable to speak because his heart is performing a full circus acrobat routine in his chest

this is the least common response and it happens either when you’ve already been teasing/flustering him before the kabedon, or if you kabedon him particularly forcefully and/or smirk while doing it

something about you being all assertive and taking clear charge of the situation is just extremely attractive to him and he doesn’t quite know how to handle it

(you get bonus points if you flip him kabeddoning you into you kabedonning him because… good lord does that give him butterflies)

in crass terms it’s basically just a ‘holy shit that was hot’ moment

(if he’s completely honest though, lucifer has about three of those per week because you just keep finding more ways to be unbearably enchanting)

have fun trying to shake lucifer off after this response though because he gets… whew, he gets intense

mammon:

kabedonning—

mammon kabedons you on a regular basis, and he’ll do it for anything

has your attention been off him for too long? kabedon. were you being a little too nice to that other demon back there? kabedon. have you been looking especially lovely today and don’t even seem to realise it yourself and it’s driving him CRAZY whenever you do anything? kabedon.

however these kabedons don’t actually usually go like they’re ‘supposed’ to go, mostly because your reaction will usually make mammon forget that he’s supposed to be all dominant and stuff

if you get flustered by the kabedon he is just so endeared that he can’t keep it up

he can’t maintain the cool guy act if you start stuttering and like avoiding eye contact because he’s just internally screeching

he’ll last for a maximum of five more seconds and then start grinning goofily and just pulls you into a big hug

might spin you around a bit, might nuzzle into your hair, who knows?

however, if you’re unfazed, he starts getting flustered himself

he is just so weak for those eyes of yours and with you just staring at him like that… he can’t take it

he’ll stop kabedonning you at that and just kind of turn away to try to disguise the way his cheeks have flamed off, muttering something half-heartedly about how you’re no fun

pro-tip! use this chance to catch him off-guard with a kiss. trust me, he’s gonna love it. he may also overheat so much he explodes but that just comes with the territory

if you want a kiss from mammon, however, the best thing to do is to be playful about it when he kabedons you

smile, ask him what he’s doing with a little lilt in your voice, tilt your head to the side just the teeniest bit, etc, etc - nothing that’ll fluster him too much, but just enough to make him heat up a little

he’ll grin goofily back, reply with a heartfelt little one-liner, then lean in

it’s like the two of you are in a romance movie honestly, it’s just that cheesy

kabedonned—

mammon usually starts automatically blushing pretty much as soon as you touch him, but it takes his brain a few seconds to figure out exactly how you’re touching him and— okay whoa is this happening right now???

his instinctive response once he’s caught up with what’s going on is just to clap his hands to his face

and, since we can’t see his expression right now, why don’t we take a peek inside his mind? here we go!

‘this is the best thing ever i think i’m gonna have a heart attack is this even legal how is this possible i’m gonna to die i’m gonna drop dead right here and now but at least i’ll die a happy demon’

this is a rule with mammon: whenever he’s with you, no matter how cool and collected he seems to be, his mind is almost certainly going off the rails in one way or another

whether it’s gushing about how much fun he’s having with you or how nice you make him feel or just general awed admiration

like how the light is hitting you at just the right angle and making it look like you’re glowing like some ethereal being and honestly, to mammon, you might as well be

anyway back to the kabedonning

mammon already generally thinks you are both the cutest and hottest being that there is (if you think those two traits can’t co-exist, take it up with asmo), but when you do things like this… oh boy

if you pointed one of those security infra-red scanners at him he would be entirely red, probably with very aggressive waves of red coming off of him as well

he might as well be considered a nuclear threat at this point

and, much like a lot of nuclear threats do, he’s about to blow up

figuratively speaking

whether you decide to wait the whole process out or speed it up by pulling his hands away from his face - once he’s stopped boiling over like an unwatched pot, he’s basically throwing himself at you

are you ready for all these kisses? because, fasten your seatbelt, you are GETTING them

leviathan:

kabedonning—

levi’s watched romance anime. he’s read romance manga. he’s seen kabedons. of COURSE he’s dreaming of doing it himself some day

easier said than done, though, because levi’s about as good at executing romantic gestures as joseph joestar is at flying planes

he’s tried to do it so many times and every single time he chickens out last minute

and of course there’s an element of insecurity at play here, too - do you even want to be kabedonned by him? what if you find it so unattractive and repulsive that you just straight up leave him?

he’d die. he’d keel over and pass away right there. father’s gonna have to make some room because levi’s soul’s coming home sooner than expected

it’s not like kabedons are even required in a relationship for it to work, but once he’s got it into his head, he can’t stop thinking about doing it, even if it might end in failure

and then, one fateful day…

the two of you are just hanging out in his room, playing some platformer, and then lucifer calls you both down for dinner

you get up and stretch, then start making your way out the room, but levi doesn’t move

he’s so content in this little bubble that he doesn’t want you to go - he doesn’t want this warm feeling to disappear so quickly

so, just as you pause in front of the door to ask him if he’s coming, levi gets up and swiftly backs you up against the wall

then, as you ask him what he’s doing, he abruptly slaps his hand onto the wall behind you

if you’re a little stunned, levi himself is at least a hundred times more so. like, where did that come from?? it’s like some anime alpha male possessed him for a second

well he’s here now so he might as well make the most of the situation

his voice goes quiet and he leans in close, as if you two aren’t the only people in the room and you’d be able to hear him clearly anyway

“can we… stay here for a bit longer?”

well. looks like you aren’t getting any dinner today

kabedonned—

levi has thought plenty about kabedonning you, but he’s never even considered that you might kabedon him

it just didn’t occur to him that it was even a possibility??

so when you do so for the first time, his first response is just to straight up scream

well it isn’t really a full-blown scream, it’s more of a really high pitched ‘wEH?!’

think waluigi but more short and snappy, and also a whole lot more panicked. also he’s on helium

he starts just stuttering furiously and the words he’s saying don’t… sound like words at all???

here, i’ll give you the transcript. imagine these words and sounds have been put in a blender and then sprayed out through a hose - that’s what levi sounds like saying them

“i— huh— you— hand? me? hand me? you— huh— wuh— uh— what—”

you just smile knowingly (you’d anticipated this response already) and kiss him

there’s a very long moment of stunned silence, and then levi’s off again

you’ve just turned the speed on the blender up to 100, and now it doesn’t even sound like he’s saying anything in any language at all

“awuhuhuhawhtahandnkawhuhahuhdon????”

if you recorded this and then played it to a voice activated ai like siri, the entire device would just shut down

levi’s flustered on the regular by every other thing you do , but this is on a whole new level - and he has no idea how to deal with it

in the end he just kind of collapses forwards and hides his face in your shoulder

you laugh and pat him on the back as he grips onto the back of your shirt or jacket or jumper, still mumbling unintelligibly

you’ll have to give him a while to recover, and you might want to guide him to somewhere more comfy where you two can sit/lie down, because he’s not removing his face from your shoulder anytime soon

give him more warning next time, he nearly passed out

[five minutes later]

levi: “that was the most terrifying thing ever, i thought my heart was gonna fail ”

you: “sorry, sorry”

levi: “...do it again”

satan:

kabedonning—

out of everyone, satan’s the only one who fully commits to and properly goes through with kabedons regularly, and those kabedons usually happen in libraries

satan’s seen plenty of romantic dramas and rom-coms in his time, and he’s seen a lot of canoodling in libraries, especially when the romance is in a university or high school setting

study date meet-cutes, love interests’ hands brushing when they reach for the same book, doing some gross couple-y stuff in one of the more unpopular aisles, and, of course, kabedons

and satan’s both very easily influenced by the stuff he watches and (for some reason) can get really competitive with other couples, even fictional ones

it’s like ‘oh, you think YOU’RE a cute couple? watch and learn, you silly little baby man’

thus: he too must have a very romantic moment in a library with you, and it has to be BETTER than all those fictional couples’ moments

he has a bit of a modus operandi when it comes to the kabedons, to the point where you can usually spot when he’s planning one about five minutes before he actually does it

(it’s not that he invites you on library dates specifically because he’s planning to kabedon you in the corner at some point during it, it just often hits him halfway through said dates that this would be one great Romantic Opportunity )

he’ll not-so-sneakily get you to come with him to a quiet aisle by the wall, where he’ll start pretending to be browsing the books

then he’ll use some poor excuse to call you over (one time it was ‘hey, look, there’s a dead fly on the shelf’)

and then he executes the kabedon

it kind of gives you emotional whiplash because when he pushes you into the corner and places his hand firmly on the wall beside your head he seems so decisive and confident, but then suddenly he’s smiling all gently and leaning in

his kisses are so soft?? it’s kind of like he’s apologising for being forceful with the pushing just earlier with them

(the librarian is usually fully aware this is happening but they’re too scared of satan to intervene)

kabedonned—

it’s unexpectedly hard to catch satan in the right situation to kabedon him because he’s usually sitting about with a book and it’s nearly impossible to efffectively kabedon someone in a chair

keyword here being nearly because you’ll be damned if you aren’t going to try

first you need to choose the right moment - the kabedon will be most effective if you do it when he’s least expecting it

so you’ll wait until he’s fully absorbed in his book - you can tell when he is because he’ll bringing the book closer and closer to his face

you’re also going to need to take into account the environment - he’s sitting on the sofa in the middle of the room, so there’s no wall to slam your hand against

thus, you’ll just have to make do with the back of the sofa itself

alright, that’s the plan done with. time to GO IN

at this point, satan’s already very dimly aware that you’re planning something - as preoccupied by his book as he is, he’s always got room in his mind to observe you

but, like i said, it’s very dimly, and he most definitely isn’t expecting you to suddenly get up and push him back into the sofa, then cage him in by slamming your hand beside his head

his first thought goes something like this: 'wuh HUH?!”

his second thought is: ‘okay. you know what. this is very attractive actually.’

his book has long since fallen out of his hands at this point, and he’s just kind of sitting there and staring dumbly up into your face, which is, like, distractingly close

then you smirk at him. how DARE????

how DARE you be so charming. how DARE you make him feel like his heart’s about to burst right of his chest. how DARE you do this and NOT immediately kiss him????????

he’s fixing that right this instant, so you better be prepared

book be damned, he’s an idiot and he’s in love, and you’re also an idiot but you’re a beautiful idiot that by some miracle of the universe is his, and he’s going to die if he doesn’t have you close within two (2) seconds

asmodeus:

kabedonning—

asmo’s not really a ‘kabedon’ kind of guy, he’s more of a ‘run up from behind and tackle-hug around the waist’ kind of guy

he’s not someone who needs to be in a dominant kind of position, figuratively speaking - and he finds it incredibly alluring when you take up that role, so he usually just leaves it open for you to do so

that being said, he doesn’t not enjoy being in that position either

it’s asmo, he’s into pretty much anything under the sun

to be honest he’s not entirely sure what a kabedon is because he doesn’t really watch a lot of dramas or anime or anything that might include a kabedon, he just knows that it’s a term and that it involves walls

he may be the avatar of lust but he can’t be aware of every possible romantic move out there

then one day, while out shopping together, he sees a couple in the shoe section who are decidedly not browsing the shoes

he points them out to you, something vague about how odd the way they’re standing is, and you take a look, then laugh and explain what’s going on over there to him as you move off into a different section of the shop

he seems to be pretty intrigued by the concept - he’s actually paying more attention to your explanation that he is to all the pretty suits and dresses around him, and soon enough it becomes obvious why

and then, as soon as your explanation’s over, he abruptly catches you by the wrist, backs you up against the wall, and performs the most flawless kabedon ever

like i don’t think you understand how smooth it was. if it was an x-factor performance he would have gotten the golden buzzer. if it was a strictly come dancing performance he would have gotten all tens. it was just THAT perfect

he leans forward, so that his nose is brushing up against yours, and stares intently into your eyes for a moment or two, one hand against the wall to keep you caged in and one hand slowly reaching up to touch your face

then he suddenly gives you a playful little kiss and pulls back again, beaming, and asks, “how was that?”

well, i’ll leave that up to you - how was that?

kabedonned—

i said it just before, asmo is always just enamoured when you take charge over him, and this is no exception

you might as well start ringing the wedding bells yourself because when you do things like this asmo gets cupid-shot about ten times over

it’s actually quite the foreign feeling - asmo’s used to being the one shooting the arrows, not the one being struck by them - but he can’t say that he dislikes it

because honestly? he adores it

the fact that you can genuinely make him feel like a schoolboy experiencing love for the first time or a groom on his wedding day, the way that you can make him feel so in love - it’s just so special to him

being the avatar of lust, he’d honestly thought at one point that he wasn’t even capable of feeling genuine love for someone - that he’d only ever be able to feel desire, not real affection

but then you came along and turned just about everything he thought he knew on its head

and asmo? he couldn’t be happier

so, taking this back to the kabedon...

the instant he catches onto what you’re doing he just starts giggling furiously

it’s not like vindictive ‘haha this is so funny’ giggling or anything, it is pure, unbridled JOY

it’s like liquid happiness that’s been poured into a spray bottle and he’s just absolutely going wild with the nozzle (why does this sound vaguely euphemistic)

and asmo’s giggling is pretty infectious, so you start cracking up too

you attempt to say something reproachful to asmo for always making you lose your cool when you try to do this, and the back and forth that follows is so punctuated by laughter that the words don’t really sound like words anymore

at some point the not-words disappear and become kisses, but neither you nor asmo are ever sure when that happens

he often clings to you for a while afterwards, because moments like these are the ones he holds closest to his heart, and he always finds it hard to let them end

at this point the kabedons have kind of become an essential part of your regular affection rituals - they’re like your special little thing as a couple

beelzebub:

kabedonning—

beel does know what kabeddoning is, but it’s only because of levi

(he’s a good passive listener as long as he has a decent supply of food throughout whatever he’s listening to, so levi often rants to him about anime and stuff)

and he’s not particularly opposed to the idea, but it can’t be said that he definitively wants to do it, either

beel doesn’t usually have any concrete ideas about what he wants in terms of affection, whether it’s about what he wants to do or what he wants you to do. he just kind of takes each moment as it happens, and counts any acts of affection that he does get to receive or perform as a blessing

still, it doesn’t mean he’s never going to do it. it’s just only going to happen once and then he’ll probably forget it’s a thing he can do for the rest of time

what is that one time? well i’ll tell you right now

you and beel are just having a merry old time in the kitchen attempting to make cream puffs from the recipe barbatos gave you, and at one point or another, you managed to get a sizeable dollop of cream on your nose

beel has already been having a hard time refraining from eating the ingredients throughout the whole baking process, and this is just the last straw

he likes food, that’s obvious enough, but he also likes you, devastatingly so

put the two together and what do you get? the demonic equivalent of a carrot on a stick!

beel just starts shadowing your every step around the kitchen, while you remain completely oblivious to the hole he’s staring through your face

in the end he has enough of beating around the bush and just suddenly backs you up against the counter

now this isn’t the beel you know. WHO is this suddenly assertive and intimidating demon and WHERE is your sweet boy

oh! here he is! he’s swiping the cream off your face with his thumb and then kissing you on the tip of your nose :>

the kabedon’s over as soon as it begun, really, and it’s a very fleeting moment, but it definitely happened, so you can say that much

kabedonned—

beel is hard to kabedon because he just won’t notice he’s being kabedonned - you’re gonna have to explicitly tell him what’s going on

and even then he usually doesn’t really react, he just kind of stands there like ‘is this what’s happening right now? okay.’

beel only really gets properly flustered by a select few things, and unfortunately this isn’t one of them

that doesn’t mean he dislikes it when you kabedon him - you have to get close to him to perform them, after all, and that’s always a good thing in his books - he just doesn’t have any particularly strong feelings it happening

that being said, he’ll gladly play along with your little charade if it makes you happy, and if he realises that you like it when he responds to these kabedons in a certain way, he’ll keep doing it

one of his favourite things to do when you back him up and try to look all intimidating is to just scoop you up into a giant bear hug

you’ll immediately drop that act and wriggle half-heartedly in faux-protest, though you’re definitely wrapping your arms around him as well

he also figures out at one point or another that if he just acts surprised/clueless, you’ll usually end up giving him a kiss, and he is ALL about those

(sometimes he just immediately kisses you himself when you kabedon him and you get all flustered and he thinks it’s the cutest thing ever)

now, those astute among you will have noticed that i said usually beel doesn’t really react. usually doesn’t mean always, so what happens those other times?

well, every now and then, beel responds to being kabedonned with just OUTRAGEOUS happiness

actually it’s not so much the kabedon itself that has this effect on beel, it’s just the act of affection itself

like i said before, beel usually takes each act of affection as a blessing as it comes, but every now and then they hit him hard and he’s just like ‘WOW i am in love!!’

it’s like you got a shot of serotonin and just injected it straight into his brain and it’s the best feeling ever

your love hits better than any drug ever could and that’s a FACT

belphegor:

kabedonning—

does it still count as kabedonning if it’s against a bed instead of a wall and you do it with two hands?

i’m pretty sure kabe means wall in japanese but you know what i’ll count it a kabedon, it has the right vibes

anyway, belphie probably kabedons you the MOST out of everyone

he’ll do it to get you to lie down to take a nap with him - like he’ll just push you down onto the mattress, hover over you for a moment with an oddly serious look on his face, then just collapse on top of you and go to sleep

you probably won’t be able to get him off anytime soon and anyway the way he’s just hugging you close is very cute, so you might as well stay put

(plus if you do push him off he’s probably just going to get up and plonk himself on top of you again)

(in case it wasn’t already obvious, these instances all involve a ‘maximum cuddle overdrive’ mode belphie)

he’ll also do it to wake you on the rare occasion that he’s up before you - you’ll open your eyes to find a shadow over you and next thing you know belphie’s attacking your face with little kisses

it’s a nice way to begin the day and it seems to make belphie very happy as well, which is a bonus

i don’t know where belphie gets the strength to basically just plank over you, sometimes for minutes at a time (i can’t even plank for thirty seconds), but i guess it’s just sheer willpower/need for cuddles

sometimes he’ll just do it for no reason at all, he just ‘felt like it’ - like you’ll both be hanging out in the attic, messing around on your D.D.D.s or doing some homework, and he’ll suddenly just push you over and do his bed-kabedon thing

it’s one of the ways he tries to get you to pay more attention to him when he doesn’t think he’s getting enough

though when belphie’s in ‘maximum cuddle overdrive’ mode, no amount of attention is ever enough. like he’ll want cuddles even while he’s GETTING cuddles

kabedonned—

belphie isn’t upright enough of the time to be properly kabedonned very often

however, do not fear! it’s a very easy feat to just use his bed-kabedon trick on him

fair warning, though, it might not give you the result you’re looking for - if you want to fluster him, a bed-kabedon won’t work because he’ll just respond by immediately wrapping his arms around your neck and pulling you down into his chest

and then you most likely won’t be able to move for a while because now that belphie’s decided you will be his cuddle buddy for the remaining duration of his nap, he will NOT let go

belphie, much like beel, can only be properly flustered by some very specific things, and once again, kabedons aren’t one of those things

he’s hard to fluster in general because he’s nearly always half asleep so his brain doesn’t process things enough to get flustered

like, say you manage to catch him standing for long enough to properly kabedon him. he doesn’t process the kabedon, he just processes that you touched him and are very close now and thinks ‘ah. kiss time’

it can get a little irritating because he’s not taking you seriously but he also smiles a very cute little smile and he does give you kisses anyway so you GUESS it’s okay

if belphie picks up that you seem to REALLY be into the whole kabedon thing, he’ll try to play along, but he acts it out so poorly so it just feels like he’s making fun of you

like you’ll back him up against the wall and everything and he’ll be like [holding hands up in surrender] “oh nooo please be gentle i am but a flustered boy. also you look very nice today have i told you that yet’

(i’m paraphrasing here but that’s basically what he’s saying)

he doesn’t mean to sound so sarcastic, but the way his voice naturally sounds + his bad acting just makes it come off like that

oh no now he’s made you grumpy

“nooo don’t be sad ur so cute aha”

i’m kidding i’m kidding, he doesn’t say that

but he does feel kinda bad now so he’ll probably spoil you a bit if you want him to

diavolo:

kabedonning—

i’ll be frank with you, diavolo has NO idea what a kabedon is or how it works

for one thing he’s never really been into the sort of media that shows a lot of kabedonning, and for another diavolo just isn’t great with what’s ‘down with the kids’ these days

as far as he’s concerned about how dating/seduction works, the most romantic thing you can do is sword-fight anyone who tries to steal your sweetheart away, like a medieval knight

(he still has yet to do this himself but that’s mostly because everyone’s too scared of the demon lord to even think about going after his beloved, so he doesn’t get the chance to propose sword fights very often)

even if you did spend ages explaining the concept of kabedons to him, he’d probably just accidentally push you over or something while trying to do it

and then he’d spend five minutes apologising profusely and offering all sorts of treasures and treats to you so that you won’t be mad at him

diavolo just cannot have you be upset with him, it physically hurts his soul

anyway even after your explanation he still doesn’t quite get it - like, what’s the point? why do people do it? why do people enjoy getting shoved into walls???

so you try familiarising him with them by watching a couple of romance animes/dramas or whatever it is that kabedons appear in most frequently together

and every single time a kabedon happens he just turns to you with the most ‘?????’ expression you’ve ever seen

his entire face scrunches up and he just kind of looks like he’s eaten a really sour lemon

now that you’ve given him the challenge, though, he’s determined to get it right at least once, if only just to make you happy (have i ever mentioned how much he likes it when you’re happy? it makes his heart do the smiley emote)

unfortunately he still has yet to successfully pull of a kabedon, despite having tried it like five times by now

the first time he did actually accidentally push you over, the second time he fell over himself, the third time he knocked a painting off the wall… it just keeps going wrong

give him time, he’ll get there eventually

kabedonned—

you know how earlier i mentioned that diavolo doesn’t understand why people enjoy being kabedonned? well once you do it he has an epiphany

THIS is why people kabedon each other. THIS is why so many people want to be kabedonned. THIS is why they enjoy it

IT’S REALLY HOT

sorry was that a bit too strong

it makes his heart go WHOOSH right into the hemisphere (or the devildom equivalent anyway)

it’s like one of his heartstrings is tied around your little finger

on any occasion you’re still tugging at it and making him all soft like a marshmallow, but when you do things like this, you’re doing the equivalent of tying that string to a rocket that’s about to take off

diavolo has ASCENDED (celestial realm watch out because the demon prince is about to bust through your floor)

he always responds by covering the bottom half of his face with one hand and blushing furiously, but he’s also got a massive grin (he’s partially hiding it with the hand, but when diavolo smiles like this he does it with his whole face, so you can still tell)

look, it doesn’t matter if you’re on the smaller side and not very intimidating. it still hits him like a truck that’s on fire

diavolo’s so dazed and basically high on the love feeling that he’ll probably agree to anything you ask him while kabedonning him

like you could probably ask him to dissolve the rad and replace it with a giant pancake restaurant or something and he’d just nod like “yes absolutely, whatever you want”

you’re not evil though so you don’t really take advantage of this agreeableness for much other than getting him to promise to buy you some more of a snack you like or something

(though you wouldn’t really need to kabedon him to get him to agree to that, he’d agree to do so any day, any time)

barbatos has witnessed you kabedonning his boss multiple times and every time he is impressed even more by the sheer effect you have over his young master

barbatos:

kabedonning—

would you be surprised if i told you barbatos also doesn’t know what a kabedon is? probably not

unlike diavolo, though, once you explain what they are, he nails it perfectly

i mean what were we expecting it’s barbatos

the thing is that they feel kind of… robotic? like, it’s too perfect, too by the book, too exact to ones you see in anime - it’s like he looked at a step-by-step guide and followed every single word by the letter

and barbatos doesn’t do anything except for the kabedon, either - he’ll back you up against the wall, put his hand on the wall for a bit, stare at you, then just walk off again

it doesn’t help that he usually executes these kabedons when he’s still in the middle of working and just happens to pass by you, so it’s not like he can linger for long anyway

it’s like he doesn’t really understand that a kabedon is more than just about the kabedon, it’s about what you do with the situation the kabedon creates… if that makes sense

but then one day something changes

it’s evening, which means barbatos is officially on break, and the two of you are spending it taking a nice walk around the castle’s gardens

he’s just listening silently to you talk with this little smile on his face, and then that smile slowly starts becoming more thoughtful

there’s just something about the way you look in the dim light of the garden, surrounded by all these lovely flowers (though of course you are the loveliest of them all), and how content you seem to be and the feeling of your hand in his…

might as well call you fergalicious because you make this boy go loco

he subtly starts backing you up against one of the hedges, just staring real intently into your face like he usually does with the robot kabedons… except this time the intense stare becomes a gentle smile and he kisses you

it’s not a proper kabedon since it’s a hedge and he doesn’t do the hand slam (no kabe and no don, truly a tragedy), and also he didn’t really do it with the intention of it being a kabedon… but spiritually i’m counting it as one anyway

kabedonned—

let me warn you now: kabedonning barbatos is a real bad idea. and it’s not because he’ll get irritated or anything

it’s because he passes out. no i am not joking

you back him into the wall and he hits the floor before your hand can even hit the wall

barbatos is a vanilla boy, perhaps even more so than simeon, which is pretty surprising in and of itself. i mean, a demon being less knowledgable about love than an angel, beings which literally have to live by chastity as a law?

it’s true that they’ve both been around for a while, but simeon’s been acquainted a whole host of beings with all sorts of personalities and interests and heard a bunch of weird stories over the year

barbatos on the other hand has always been kind of sheltered compared to him - being such a busy guy, he doesn’t get to go out into the world very often or meet a lot of people

and diavolo isn’t exactly a paragon of romantic knowledge either

anyway! this is why he immediately keels over when you kabedon him

he isn’t used to feeling such a sudden rush of attraction - he isn’t even completely used to having that constant warmth that pools inside him whenever he thinks of/is around you

love is a very foreign thing to barbatos, and so is this sort of… desire??? is that the word??? i don’t want to use arousal it sounds kind of weird

and his body has no idea how to handle it, so it just shuts down immediately

diavolo was concerned about this at first but since he realised that the passing out doesn’t really have any negative after-effects, he stopped getting so alarmed

now he just thinks it’s the funniest thing in the entire world

barbatos himself doesn’t hold it against you, but he would prefer that you at least refrain from knocking him out while he’s still working

(although every time he passes out like this he wakes up to you taking care of him, which is definitely not a bad thing… so maybe… it’s alright if you do it every now and then)

simeon:

kabedonning—

believe it or not, simeon is proficient at the art of the kabedon

he wasn’t at first but he is now because he just keeps doing it

in the beginning it was just a fun little thing that he saw in a tv show and wanted to give a go, but then he also started doing them whenever he wanted attention, and whoa, is this really your angel???

so let’s get into that!

simeon’s a drama queen when it comes to not getting enough of your love, and he’s not ashamed to show it

it’ll usually start out with not-very-subtle body language - shifting about to place himself closer to you, fiddling with his hands, sighing loudly and then looking at you pointedly, etc.

then, if you continue to not give him the affection he seeks, he'll start calling - i.e. he’ll cup his hands around his mouth (even though you’re both sitting pretty much next to each other) and be like “heyyyy! your angel’s over here!!! and he wants love!!! heyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!”

if that doesn’t work he moves onto poking you every few seconds and waiting for a response

and if that still doesn’t work, he pulls it out… the kabedon

it’s like he suddenly flips a switch - his entire demeanour just changes without so much as a warning

the playfulness completely disappears, and he leans in real close as well, smile gone and replaced with a very intimidating stare

he doesn’t say anything for a good while, and to be honest it kind of feels like he’s sizing you up to perform a murder

of course simeon doesn’t do that though

when he thinks he’s stared for long enough, he’ll pull back a bit, then tilt his head just little to the side and ask, “you’ll pay attention to me now, right?”

gonna be honest you don’t really feel like you have a choice

once you nod (or, even better, lean forward and give him a kiss), he immediately lights up

it’s like the switch has flipped back, and he beams so happily (and innocently) that you kind of forget what just happened - and he does a good job distracting you with all the affection as well

kabedonned—

i did mention earlier that simeon is more knowledgeable in these fields than barbatos, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t also react very strongly to being kabedonned

he doesn’t pass out but he gets damn close

you don’t understand how he be both so suave when kabedonning you and immediately turn into an anime schoolgirl with her first crush as soon as the tables are turned

don’t dish it out if you can’t take it, c’mon man

between this and the fact that he took nearly a month to be able to cuddle in bed with you without turning into a human torch, it’s becoming clear that simeon will just combust whenever you do anything that has even the most remote risqué connotations

he’s fine with hugs and kisses and stuff but place a hand on his thigh or something and he immediately gets so hot that he probably manages to speed up global warming a bit (an even more impressive feat considering you’re not even in the human world)

and i guess kabedons fall under the category of risqué to him???

to be fair this extremely flustered response comes mostly when you do the kabedons in a kind of dominantly flirty manner (idk how to put it)

you can practically hear a lid popping off, like he’s a kettle that’s over boiled

he can’t even say anything, all he can do is stand there attempting to hide his face with his hands

and then he gets even more flustered when you lean in real close and start whispering to him to try to coax him to let you see his face

you wanna know how you can surprise him enough to get him to lower his hand? see that gold metal-ribbon thing keeping his cloak fastened? give it a tug. that’s it, just a nice firm yank

would you look at that! i don’t think i’ve seen that many shades of NEON PINK in my life before!!

(this is absolutely a call out, WHY is simeon’s in-game blush PINK???? they did a darker red for mammon, so why didn’t our angel lad get the same treatment?????)

luke:

when he sees simeon kabedonning you—

the first time he saw this happen luke genuinely thought simeon was attacking you

he walked into the living room just as simeon backed you up against the sofa and just screamed

simeon didn’t even have the grace to pull away, he just looked up at and waved hello like what he was doing was perfectly normal

i mean, it kind of is, but luke doesn’t know that - all he knows is that he’s pinning you to the sofa, what the fuck simeon

“what are you doing?! simeon! let go!!!”

he actually hurries in and attempts to wrench simeon off you himself, and the older angel just lets him since 1. he thinks it’s cute how protective he’s being, and 2. he’s too busy laughing to resist

luke somehow doesn’t notice simeon absolutely losing it and immediately checks on you like a worried mum

you’re very close to bursting into laughter yourself, but you collect yourself once you realise how genuinely concerned luke looks

you reassure him that you’re fine, but he doesn’t relent immediately - he starts patting down your arms and asking if it hurts anywhere

then simeon starts getting up and starts to say something, and luke immediately throws an arm out in front of you

“stay back! i— i won’t let you do anything! even if it’s you, simeon!”

that’s it simeon’s on the floor again

he just thinks it’s so funny that luke’s reacting like this to a kabedon

you also think it’s pretty amusing but it’s also very heartwarming to know that luke would be willing to fight one of his own if he needed to protect you

in the end you both explain what was going on to luke (well, you did most of the explaining, simeon was still too giggly to speak coherently)

he doesn’t really get it, but he does now understand that seeing a kabedon in action probably means that something Romantic is about to happen and he does not want to see that

nowadays when he walks into a room and sees simeon kabedonning you he just immediately walks out again

when he sees lucifer kabedonning you—

imagine you’re luke in this situation. you've just gotten back an essay with top marks, and you’re looking for your favourite parental/sibling figure to show them and also thank them for helping you write the esay

so you ask your other favourite parental/sibling figure, and he says that he saw them in the library earlier

so off you go to the library, full of youthful joy! but what do you see when you open the door to the library? lucifer himself, the avatar of pride and diavolo’s right hand man, has your favourite parental/sibling figure cornered against the wall!

wEEWOOWEEWOO THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, ALL UNITS TO THE FRONT

luke doesn’t even register that lucifer is actually the flustered one here (read back to his part if you’ve already forgotten), he just sees a big demon trapping you and gets immeasurably angry

he immediately takes up a battle stance, one hand pointing at lucifer and the other one clenched in front of his chest and beginning to crackle with angelic magic

“let them go right now!”

lucifer kind of freezes, while you peek around at luke from under his arm, a little concerned

this is one heck of an overreaction, not to mention that this situation could have been very dangerous for luke if lucifer was genuinely attacking you somehow

but luke doesn’t care that his magic probably wouldn’t even give lucifer a cut or that lucifer could squish him like a bug if he really wanted to, he just wants to protect you

it’s so sweet but also unnecessary in this situation becuase lucifer wasn’t attacking you - quite the contrary, actually

lucifer is refusing to look at luke because he’s still blushing and he doesn’t want him to see, so you just quickly reach up and pat his shoulder or something, maybe give him a little kiss on the cheek, then quickly go to calm luke down and clear the situation up

and once he’s recovered from the surprise of the situation (and gotten rid of the blush), lucifer will also come up to join the explanation

luke kind of bristles a bit at him and while lucifer might have been offended by the whole thing on any other occasion, he’s in a good mood today, so he just thinks it’s rather funny

solomon:

kabedonning—

for some reason, no matter how much he tries to avoid it, solomon always breaks something whenever he kabedons you

it’s like there’s a kabedon-god watching from up in the heavens, and they’re personally giving him the middle finger

and, speaking of fingers...

one day solomon’s experimenting with some ‘creative’ magical devices, among which is a ring that’s meant to cause a very small explosion if the stone in it is pushed down

he puts it on to make sure there aren’t any malfunctions or whatever, and at that moment you walk into the room with a hot drink for him

you have this kind of effect on solomon where, every now and then, he’ll look at you and get so overwhelmed that he practically forgets his own name

it’s like your very presence is enamouring enough that it dims everything around you in comparison, and solomon is a moth to your flame

you put the mug down on the table and give him an encouraging little kiss on the cheek, then begin to walk out

and solomon, forgetting that this always ends in disaster, decides to kabedon you before you can leave

and what else has he forgotten? that’s right! the explosive ring!

it’s a little bit too big for him, so it’s spun around on his finger, meaning that the stone is on his palm side when he slams his hand onto the wall, and you can probably see where this is going

solomon accidentally activates the explosion mechanism, realises just in time to wrench the ring-wearing hand away and cast a shielding spell over you with his free hand, then BANG

rip solomon’s left hand

the explosion enchantment on the ring wasn’t very strong, so the damage really isn’t that bad - his skin’s just a bit burnt, mostly - but the finger that the ring was on got the full brunt and recoil of the explosion, which unfortunately means that it’s now broken

the kabedon curse continues to ruin everything...

solomon can easily fix himself up with a spell, but instead he chooses to be as dramatic as possible about it so that you’ll fuss over him >:)

kabedonned—

the kabedon god must really hate solomon because the curse carries over to when you try to do it to him as well

you don’t break things, though, no no no, that’d be too easy

instead, every time you kabedon solomon… he has a nose bleed

ok so this may not be so much the kabedon as it is solomon himself, but EVEN SO! i that trope has been scientifically disproven! people don’t actually get nosebleeds when they’re flustered, so obviously this is the curse’s doing

at one point you suspect that he might somehow be doing it on purpose just to fuck with you, but solomon is adamant that he can’t control this

i mean, come on! why would he want to interrupt a kabedon, a prime opportunity for some affection?? it’s just illogical

solomon himself HATES this, but he just can’t do anything about it

at this point he’s genuinely upset that these things happening and just wants ONE kabedon to go successfully

it doesn’t help that levi’s recently been pestering him to watch this romance anime with a very prominent kabedon scene and it just… ugh why can’t HIS kabedons go like that

he wants that quiet kind of charged romantic moment!! he wants that flustered laughter!!! he wants that kiss!!!

but NO, kabedon god just keeps shooting him in the foot

one time another couple was in the library with you two and just as one of them kabedonned the other, the one being kabedonned announced that they were breaking up with them

you and solomon had a bit of a crisis after that - like, is the curse so bad that it’s affecting other people around you as well???

at this point you and solomon should probably just stay away from all kabedon-related things in general

but you know what? that’s fine

you don’t need kabedons to get kisses, and solomon sure as hell isn’t going to stop wanting/giving those

take that, kabedon god! we don’t want your stupid cliche moment anyway!

but if either of you are watching anything and a kabedon scene comes up, you’re both immediately either turning off the device or just leaving the room entirely

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