#after my dad's surgery

[bulldagger-bait]

I've always been curious to know this about the people around me. Most people have been in severe pain, but in my experience few have had what they would say is their 10/10 experience. I guess it's just something I find fascinating, as I had my 10/10 experience quite young and I sometimes forget that not everyone has. In my opinion it changes your relationship with pain and how you engage with it afterwards. If you answered yes, feel free to elaborate on your circumstances in the tags!

(reblog for a bigger sample size etc)

#I was 13 and mine was after spinal fusion surgery for scoliosis. T6-L4 fusion and when i woke up in spinal shock it was agonising pain #they had to give me ketamine before the pain died down and even then it was only 9/10 #i was on a fentanyl drip for a few days afterwards and ever 5mins and 50sec id be dosing myself #my dad would take over my button while i was sleeping and set a timer on his watch to push it at those intervals #it was the only way i could rest as without it id wake up in blinding pain #definitely the hardest experience of my life. sometimes i forget that i went through that and came out the other side. #polls #chronic pain #disability #spoonie #cripple punk #cripplepunk #the tags ive chosen kinda skew the balance in favour of the yes but idk what else to tag it with. #it would be interesting to see if other disabled people have also had a 10/10 and how common that is

[ghosttotheparty]

based on this post of mine bc i had thoughts // tw surgery mention, anaesthesia, hospital environment (not detailed its just there)

“And who are you?”

Steve pauses by the door, setting his jacket on the back of the chair next to Wayne. He looks over at Eddie, laying in his bed, covered in a blanket, his hair a messy halo around his head. His eyes are shining brightly, staring intently at Steve.

“He’s very high,” Wayne says to Steve, smiling softly.

“Yeah, I got that,” Steve says, watching Eddie roll slightly, groaning loudly. “Surgery went well?”

“Went fine,” Wayne says lightly, and Steve can see the relief in him as he leans back, eyes watching Eddie like he’s scared to look away.

“Eds?” Steve says, moving closer to the bed. “How was surgery?”

“Was fu-u-un…”

“Yeah? You had fun?”

Eddie hums affirmatively, and Steve crouches next to the bed, looking at him. There’s a bandage on his cheek, and the sight of it makes Steve’s chest ache, but Eddie’s eyes are shining brightly, glazed over as he blinks at Steve.

“Whoa,” he breathes dramatically, and Steve suppresses a smile.

“What?”

Eddie lifts a hand, and it lands heavily on the side of Steve’s face, making him recoil slightly even as he laughs. Eddie’s fingers press into his skin, kneading his cheek.

“You’re fuckin’ beautiful.”

Steve’s eyebrows fly up, and his face burns as he hears Wayne laugh quietly behind him.

“Am I?”

Eddie hums again, smiling brightly, deliriously, wriggling as he shakes Steve’s face.

“Pretty boy,” he mumbles. “Pretty, pretty, pretty boy.” He releases his cheek to boop his nose a little too hard. “Who are you?”

“I’m Steve.”

“Ste-e-e-eve…” Eddie blinks at him, poking his face again. “Stevie, Stevie, Stevie.”

“Hi, Eddie,” Steve says softly.

“Princess Stevie,” Eddie slurs happily.

“Princess?”

“Mm. Princess. Pretty princess.”

Wayne laughs quietly behind Steve, and Steve turns to glare at him over his shoulder. He’s rubbing his forehead and smiling amusedly, and Steve starts to open his mouth to speak, but Eddie grabs at his face again, pulling him to face him.

Eddie’s eyes are almost closed, like his eyelids are heavy, and his fingers are petting at Steve’s cheek and jaw, rubbing his stubble. (He hasn’t shaved. He’s been too stressed. He was planning on shaving tonight after getting firm confirmation that Eddie is okay, but if Eddie likes it…)

Eddie lets go of his cheek and boops his nose a little to hard. And then he does it again, and again, humming a song that Steve doesn’t recognize.

“Do you like boys?” Eddie asks abruptly, his fingertip lingering on the tip of Steve’s nose. Wayne barks out a laugh behind Steve, and Steve’s face burns, and for some reason, even though Eddie isn’t going to remember this and Wayne is right there, Steve says, “Yes, I do.”

Eddie’s face lights up, and he tries to sit up, but Steve gently keeps him down, murmuring a soft, “Stay here, Eddie.”

“You do?” Eddie asks hopefully, flopping back down and looking up at Steve, who suppresses a smile, nodding.

“Yeah.”

Eddie’s eyes widen and he turns his face into his pillow, reaching up to pull his hair across his face shyly, shifting and fidgeting and wiggling, and Steve gazes fondly, contently. He hasn’t felt this calm in a good long while.

“Can I have a kiss?” Eddie asks shyly, and Steve raises his eyebrows. “Please.”

“You’re high, Eddie.”

“I’ve been higher,” Eddie says, his voice slurring, mumbly. Steve just looks at him for a moment, watching his eyes shine. “Please? I’ll be good.”

Steve’s stomach flutters, and he exhales, hesitating before he turns to look at Wayne, who’s still watching, smiling absently with his face resting on his hand. Steve raises his eyebrows, shrugging weakly, asking silently what to do as Eddie’s hand touches his cheek again.

Wayne shrugs, his smile growing, and then he points to his forehead with another shrug, and Steve sighs.

He turns back to face Eddie, who’s gazing at him blearily, his eyes glazed over.

“I won’t kiss your mouth,” Steve starts, cracking a smile when Eddie’s lips pout, his lower lip poking out, shining. “But I’ll kiss your forehead if you want.”

Eddie beams.

“Yes, please.”

Steve smiles, licks his lips, shifting on the ground as Eddie smiles up at him.

“Don’t move,” he says firmly, and Eddie nods, his body tightening and his eyes closing. He’s still smiling.

Steve takes a moment to gaze at him. At the lines in his skin from his smile, at his dark eyelashes and chapped lips. (Which Steve will kiss when he’ll be able to remember it.)

He brushes Eddie’s bangs back carefully, and Eddie inhales, his smile growing even more somehow, and then he leans close, pressing his lips to his forehead softly, leaving a lingering kiss on his skin.

Eddie sighs, still lying stiffly, unmoving, being good like he said he would, and when Steve pulls away to look at him, his cheeks are flushed pink. A second passes before Eddie's eyes flutter open, and then he's smiling so brightly his eyes are squeezing shut, and he rolls away a little bit, letting out an excited squeal that makes Steve burst into laughter.

"Wayne," Eddie calls, rolling over and looking across the room at Wayne, who's laughing even harder than Steve, covering his face with a hand. "A pretty boy kissed me, d'ya see?"

"I saw, Eds, 'm happy for you."

Eddie giggles deliriously and rolls over again, wiggling, and Steve presses his face to the side of his bed, his face hot, because even though it was Wayne's fucking idea, he forgot Wayne was watching him press the softest kiss humanly possible to Eddie's forehead, was probably watching his gaze at him before it. But Wayne is laughing, amused, and probably relieved to be hearing Eddie giggle and squeal happily after worrying for so long.

"Alright," Steve says after taking a moment to collect himself, reaching up and pulling at Eddie's shoulder. "You're gonna pull your stitches, honey, lay still."

"Honey," Eddie repeats, his eyes shining brightly, the bandage on his cheek wrinkling as his cheeks squish up under his smile. "Honey, honey, honey, honey..."

Steve's face burns again.

"You're so sweet, Stevie," Eddie says lightly, his voice mumbly. "Sweet boy. Sweetheart. Cotton candy boy."

"Cotton candy boy," Steve repeats under his breath, and Eddie hums affirmatively.

"Cotton candy. Sweet. Hubba Bubba. Bubblegum baby."

"He's a poet," Wayne quips behind Steve, and Steve turns to glare at him, but he can't fully suppress the smile that's making his face sore. Eddie is still mumbling to himself, now reaching up to rub Steve's face again.

"Sweet like iced tea. Like a lollipop." He giggles to himself, pressing his fingers into Steve's cheek again. "Wanna lick you."

A laugh bursts out of Wayne, and Steve's face floods with heat.

"Oh my god."

Eddie giggles.

He asks to hold Steve's hand after rambling a little while longer, after comparing Steve to cake frosting and strawberries and honeysuckle blossoms, and Steve lets him take it, watches their fingers lace and twist together, and Wayne finally brings a chair over to him with Eddie doesn't want to let go. Wayne kisses Eddie's head when he says goodnight, and then he kisses the top of Steve's. It makes Steve's eyes burn and fill with tears that he refuses to let fall until after the door's shut behind Wayne.

Eddie asks if he's okay, eyes filled with concern, and his fingers tighten on Steve's. Steve wipes his face and smiles, telling him he's fine. No one's kissed me like that in a long while. Eddie sighs and relaxes, still gazing at him. Tells him Wayne does it all the time, and he'd probably do it to Steve if he wants him to.

"I can kiss you like that if you want," he offers kindly, sleepily. Steve raises his hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles.

"Tomorrow."

"Okay."

(Eddie doesn't remember anything when he wakes up the next day, but when he opens his eyes to find Steve resting his head next to him on his bed and Steve's fingers twisted around his, he certainly doesn't complain.)

#one of my fav trios #wayne being a dad <3 #wayne teases them both the next day and steve will not stop blushing #eddies just like 'i said what i said' #he starts calling steve 'sweetheart' and then 'sweets' after this #steve and wayne click immediately they only met once before this #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #steddie ficlet #steddie fanfic #steddie blurb #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson ficlet #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington ficlet #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #tw surgery #why do my wips keep ending up in hospitals im losing my mind #but also this was v fun to write i enjoyed it

[planetsallalign]

Things I’m currently worried about.

My sisters upcoming surgery to release her tethered spinal cord. She won’t be able to basic tasks for 2+ months. With potential 6 months to 1 year for full recovery. A walker for awhile after surgery, physical therapy to help. And her anxiety has ramped up to when she video chats me she is sobbing so bad she can’t breathe. She can only focus on the what ifs and worst possible outcomes and spirals out. She’s starting therapy soon to help with that because after talking with her I didn’t realize how bad she has gotten.

My mother just telling me she’s had a lump for 3-4 years that she finally mentioned to her doctor and is getting an ultrasound on it. Which should be fine but what they’re calling it if you look it up the potentials are infection in the limb (no signs of any of that) or possible lymphoma/leukemia symptoms. Upon reading those symptoms I’m nervous. Because she will get so weary and achey by the afternoons she can barely move. And will say it hurts in her bones, but chalks it up to she must have whole body arthritis.

My father’s calcium score test that shows he has a blockage in the artery they call the “widow maker” and is being put on a statin ASAP. They’ll call to schedule a stress test which will be the does he need a stent or not decision. He came home yesterday from the grocery store with his statin, ice cream and mini powdered donuts. He doesn’t seem to get that yes you exercise hard and are in shape but it doesn’t mean you get to eat whatever you want. Because that’s how he has thought about it for years. Now I get to be bad guy and change his diet.

I’m sure it will all be ok and everyone will be fine/recover. It’s just a lot at once and I’m always the calm, keep it together one who is the rock. And all I want to do is scream.

#my sisters surgery they said she will be in significant pain after and it can take 6months-1year for full healing and normal function #my mother has a lot of mysterious random symptoms of severe pain she has POTS and an arrhythmia that were just found #the lump is a lymph node near the groin and she was like well it never hurt me so 🤷🏼‍♀️ #my dad is extremely active and had slightly elevated cholesterol but that calcium score test I would tell anyone to get #my mom had it too and she has high cholesterol but no blockages

[bigothteddies]

get to go waterskiing tomorrow! really nervous really excited everyone (silently) wish me luck!

#unimportant thoughts #its a family thing my grandma waterskiied and taught my dad and he taught all his kids #(even though we dont and have never owned a boat) #but i dont do it very often #so im always worried about losing my skill #and on top of that #i have my shoulder issues #last time i waterskiied was after 1st surgery and mid-reoccursnce of issues #and it was nervewracking and stressful as hell even though i did manage to do it without incident #this will be my first time doing since surgery number two #and im very nervous #+ I really want to drop a ski and go slalom skiing again but i havent done that since i was like 13 #i tried dropping a ski last time and i fell immediately so :( #we’ll see ! #sorry for stream of consciousness i just didnt feel like dumping it on people tonight #anyways #goodnight (probably) #im sending so so so much love to the people i care about tonight #if you feel warm and safe like youre being hugged tonight its from me

[silenthillbunni]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[artish-boi]

#thalassa my beloved #its a post canon Thalassa #she has her wedding rings on a necklace (inspired by my mom who has kept my dads wedding ring on a necklace since he died) #and I hate that the game keeps un-disabling characters #so I gave her a dog that was originally a guide dog #since I headcanon that even after the surgery shes still legally blind she is just not completely blind #but then i changed it to a general service animal because she (at like 50) definitely has some mobility issues and mental issues #also i did spend way too much time on the pictures in the back #and purposefully gave zak a tiny little frame #ace attorney #aa #thalassa gramarye #aa4 spoliers #spoilers #my art

[raeathnos]

.

#apparently I’m not done being mad about this I’m sorry guys I gotta vent #my dad is like an ox and never sick and like not very understanding with health issues/general illness #which you’d think he would have been after having me the super sickly child with a ton of health issues but no #we have a positive Covid case in the house and I have the same fucking symptoms I just started later #I have taken two tests- one yesterday and one today #and he yelled at me saying I’m wasting tests and also that I’m apparently fine which like #even if I somehow don’t catch covid I’m still sick but okay dad 🫠 #if it helps put things into a better perspective… did yall know that back in November after I had my 3rd fucking endometriosis surgery #he asked why I was off work for two weeks and why I didn’t go back the day after surgery? #like I had had this surgery twice before and at home recovery was also two weeks both those times #but moreover like sir I have 3 incisions in my abdomen and my job requires me to left 50lbs??? #at which point he still insisted I was fine and was just being ‘dramatic’ 🙃 #I wanna fucking scream #I’m lissed the fuck off #did yall know he nearly got me killed once because I had neurovirus and he refused to take me to the er? #I eventually lost consciousness from severe dehydration- he thought I was sleeping and continued to argue with my mom that I was fine 🫠 #they eventually took me but I was unconscious for several hours and it took five bags of iv fluid for me to regain consciousness #and the doctor estimated I was about two hours away from death so like #yeah #if that gives yall a better idea of the shit I’m putting up with #I have like zero tolerance for dealing with his bullshit when I’m sick #it’s the trauma from not fucking being believed for years of my life about any of my illnesses #and like also the fucking almost dying part #fun times 🫠 #I’m sorry I’m ranting so much today I’m just really fucking done and have no other outlet 🙃

[tearfest]

mini life update in the tags bc i need somewhere 2 rant < 3

#u can ignore but! #in the process of secretly prepping to cut my mum off bc shes got total financial control over me (im 26) #i got a lot of money when i was 18 from an accident n shes basically in control of my assets bc she made it that wah #*way #if that makes sense #like i can only access my money if i go to the bank with her. she lives in a house i boyght her free of charge #sje bullied me into biying another house in wales so she can rent it out as a holidah home n use it as a free holiday spot n said i would #get an income from it but shes given me nothing in the 4/5 yrs weve had it #she put her name on the deeds to all my assets #so i have money but it is inaccessible #i need some bc i need to fund my phd next year but sje wont help me #anyways! thats lowkey besides the point #my dads got a brain tumor n my mum doesnt know i still see my dad bc she thinks i havent spoke to him since je left like 3 yrs ago #but i helped hjm leave bc she was abusing him n had been since i was like 9 #n now im stressed out bc my dads not well and i feel like um running out of time with him #but hes in the hospital at the minute after having a siezure a few weeks after his brain surgery #so ive visited him like 3 days in a row n he remarried this year and my stepmum/sisters are so nice #its like having a real family #and it makes me feel guilty yo say that abt my mum n sister #like the guilt of havi g a bad parent is so real tonight fellas im just gonna sit n cry for a few dags #tbd. #if u read this far i love u .. whats hr zodiac #but yeah! this is why im so inactive #n bc im doi g my masters degree but . that pales in comparison rn

[moontxt]

my step mom is literally stalking and harassing me to the point I have to get a restraining order and my dad is taking her side. she demanded i pay off my car loan (which she is a co-signer on but has never paid a cent on) by March 1st despite the fact I am ahead on payments and it’s not due for another four years. when I didn’t pay off the loan (I’m a broke college student who has been supporting myself since i was sixteen. my dad used to take my checks and gamble them and they haven’t even bought me a birthday or christmas present since i came out to them as trans. I got scholarships to go to school and that’s the only reason I’m even able to be here.) she came up and stole a tire off my car and this morning she sat in my parking lot and set me pictures with the eyes emoji. she is so unhinged and i genuinely fear for my safety. growing up in her house was hell and they used to threaten me with physical violence for standing up for myself. i don’t really know why I’m making this post but if someone wants to help my v*nmo is theodorebasil26 if anyone can help. I got top surgery 3 weeks ago and haven’t been able to work and now I need 3000 dollars to pay off this car and get a restraining order against these crazy people or else she’s going to force my car to sale which would leave me without a vehicle when I need one to get to class and work bc of my recent surgery. tldr my transphobic family has gone off the deep end and I am being harassed. if anyone has any help or resources please send them my way I am just really at a loss right now

#I never make posts like this I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose my car because of this crazy woman but I don’t have the #money #I have a lawyer through my school but I think it’s going to escalate her more and I’m scared of what she will do #the police won’t do anything #she is so malicious and I’m never talking to my dad again #this all just sucks so bad. especially right after surgery. I’m so stressed from trying to catch up on school and work #and now this

[transsextual]

got back from the most emotionally exhausting thanksgiving break of my life this morning n realized i have two papers due in the next two weeks - three if you count the late one i need to edit, format, and submit - as well as an oral exam, and then the week after that my poetry portfolio for the semester is due and the day after that i have my final written exam and then three to four days after that i drive back home (to my parents and their failing marriage) with a friend and then five days after that is christmas and four days after that i get top surgery and a week after that i have my post-op appointment and not two weeks after that i come back up to school to start my spring semester! and through all of this i have to like. eat meals and budget and exist in the presence of other people.

#also ! found out AT THANKSGIVING DINNER from my grandma that my grandpa has dementia ! #so . it is going ! #badly! #but!!!! i have poems to write for class !!!!!!!! #and then an essay to work on! #so i am tabling all of my stress and grief and exhaustion and overwhelm to do that studying! and i will continue to do so until i go home! #at which point i will be cohabitating with the primary source of my grief and exhaustion! #and also getting a MAJOR SURGERY #and the last time i got a major surgery my dad texted me in between bombarding my mother with texts and phone calls #to tell me that he was deleting and blocking her contact ! #and then like The Week After That he was gonna walk out for a night . #so i am not counting on an easy recovery :) #BUT ANY . WAYS . #time to go write some poems . #speak

[8ball-wizard]

#tramp stamp #tattoo #guitar hero #listen i'm on a tattoo roll lately #i'm getting an amongus tattoo after my dad's cataract surgery #i might as well start sourcing ideas from any ol thing

[jessiesjaded]

Teddy 💜

#Ted will always be like The Dog of my life I think #because he survived the car crash that killed my dad and presumably killed our other dog too #but his spine was broken and he had to get this insane laser surgery that cost 6600 dollars in 2005 so can only imagine how much itd cost #now and he had to stay in a cage for like a month after but he really came back as feisty as ever #and he lived another 14 years after !! #he was so funny and kinda mean but he chilled out with age and its crazy that hes already been gone for 5 years #but im thinking about him today #he was a funny funny dog #truly had his own personality and spirit

[elizabethrobertajones]

Hmmm I've been away from the computer too long... Takes about a week for it to set in, I guess. I just remembered I had a long and involved dream last night about being Erichthonios' friend and helping him have a chill vacation with me but also with his parents... so much micromanaging... Just trying to keep him happy and away from the drama and that meant wading right in myself. Not 100% sure if this was a real-reality dream or the Actual Terrifyingly Powerful ancients were in a resort for me to shepherd around to cocktail tastings and such.

#I'm sure this has nothing to do with going on holiday with my brother #and learning that my dad had broken his leg and they agreed not to tell us he was going into surgery #so we'd enjoy ourselves without worrying #like we WERE going to get micromanaged all week (which I dread) but they chose not to come last minute and gifted us the agenda #and then it turns out we were being micromanaged anyway :') #anyway #I guess Erich is here for us all to stress about and try and protect as a proxy LMAO #I didn't have any weird dreams while I was away #maybe there is carbon monoxide here after all #ffxiv #endwalker spoilers

[memecatwings]

my wisdom teeth are pressing on all the nerves in my face and giving me jaw discomfort and sinus pain! but i stay silly :3

#they are getting REMOVED next week. countdown to my tooth surgery #my dad told me i was gonna die during it slaaaaaay #(<- is not affected by this at all (<- is lying. had an anxiety attack after he said it))

[kloofspeaks]

Ah yes, the suffering and pain is all worth it to go meet Roger Clark and Rob at a con. (Post wisdom teeth surgery I can barely speak) LET ME GET WHAT I WANT.

#literally #I’m so tired #pray I don’t pass out in front of them ☠️ #rdr #rdr2 #I’ve been counting down the days and like #my dad was like “that’s only a couple days after your surgery and here I am

[nabsthevulture]

I’ve been awake since 1am and while I am normally able to fall back asleep, MORTON, MR.ORANGE BOY, has been SCREAMING and CLAWING under my door and trying to BASH OPEN the cat door

It has kept me awake, which is typically no big deal since I don’t go anywhere if I dont have to, but I have a two hour round trip to make tomorrow driving with a bunch of shit in the back of my truck so the LAST thing I needed was to be up all fucking night listening to MR.ASSWIPE cause commotion

He has also kept my mother awake, which especially sucks because she has to go to work tomorrow and survive off of the limited sleep that Morton has allowed her to get.

Its time to chug a redbull because this boy aint going back to sleep

#unless my dad cancels and we have to wait which would be fine with me #but we aren't going to have time until way after my surgery if we're going to do this shed transfer now #and its just going to keep getting hotter and hotter #today and tomorrow are pretty good temperature wise but in July? Hell #I guess we could do it before then i'd just not be able to help put it back together #I could be the driver #no fuck it it doesnt matter we're going to do it today #I'm so tired lmao