#after c-20's breakdown

[nvirskies]

sand - c. la rue

idea taken from one of @star-girl69 's asks about married clarisse and immediately went to think about how the vast majority of greek demigods didn't get to live past their 20's or even teen years... and the survivor's guilt that would come with being one of the few lucky enough to live longer.

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, traumatic nightmare flashbacks, descriptions of violence, descriptions of blood + war, spoilers for TLO, set after both reader and clarisse leave CHB about 6-8 years into the future, google translated Greek term of endearment, crying, survivor's guilt, platonic RueGard, ooc Clarisse, she's matured more over time and more articulate with her feelings and words

summary: clarisse wakes up from a particularly bad nightmare in the middle of the night, reader comforts her through a breakdown

wife!fem!demigod!reader x wife!clarisse la rue

word count: 2.2k

καρδιά μου (kardiá mou) - my heart

Η καρδιά μου είναι η καρδιά σου (I kardiá mou eínai i kardiá sou) - my heart is your heart

"but you have more pieces of me than than desert has sand, and I have less pieces of you than I can hold in my hand" sand, alchemical: vol. 1, dove cameron

taglist: @lvrue @star-girl69 @azrielsdiary @petitegavotte @b0ok-lover

men, nsfw, non-sapphic, 16-/19+ dni

Greek demigods fell in love hard and fast with an unmatched intensity. They normally didn’t live long enough to even envision themselves in their adult lives, and why would they? Every day was a struggle to stay alive with monsters coming in from all angles and quests most didn’t come back from.

And that was why, as soon as the two of you graduated high school, Clarisse got down on a knee and proposed with the knowledge that you were the one she would want to spend the rest of her life, however long or short, with.

When you two had graduated college, the next thing in the books was to make it official in the courthouse, and that was what you had done. No extravagant party or ceremony, just a quiet day in the courthouse and a night in to celebrate.

But no matter how far the two of you ran from Camp Half-Blood, the nightmares never went away, never got better. As the years passed, more of the people you had considered friends died. One after the other, falling like cursed dominos, helplessly standing by as they all tumbled down.

Soon, the nightmares became more about the people that were lost than the monsters themselves. Nightly plagues of searingly painful memories from watching the life drain from so many demigods’ eyes burned themselves in both of your psyches.

All you could do was hope Charon would be kind enough to ferry them across the Styx without his payment of a silver coin.

And tonight certainly hadn’t been anything out of the ordinary with the two of you and your limbs interlaced in a protective embrace while sleep claimed your minds, as if the both of you could protect each other from the monsters both in and outside.

Your head, nestled into her chest. Her deep, rhythmic breathing made your hair flutter ever so slightly as she exhaled. Her arms, wrapped loosely around your waist, hands not-so-sneakily under the baggy shirt of hers you had stolen to wear as pajamas for the night. It was all perfect. Too perfect.

You would be damned fools to think that peace would last for so long. Demigods didn’t get peace, they didn’t get tranquility, and they especially didn’t get uninterrupted domestic bliss.

Unbeknownst to you, Clarisse’s face contorted into one of distress. Her arms pulled you in closer subconsciously as the all too familiar face of Morpheus greeted her with a sly smirk on his face in her dreams.

In moments, she was transported back to the Battle of Manhattan.

She was seventeen again.

Blood was everywhere. Abandoned weapons lay on the floor, the hands that once gripped them tightly, now loose and limp. Shrill screams echoed throughout the air, all cut short by gut-wrenching sounds of fatal injury. Metal cut through flesh. Acid burnt through metal. Flames licked and greedily consumed anything and everything as fuel.

Her feet felt heavy, her hands numb. She could do nothing but stand and watch it all unfold before her own eyes, forced to relive the carnage and devastation that had ripped through Manhattan on that fateful day.

Morpheus’ voice whispered in her right ear, the sound of it sending an uneasy chill down her spine. “Daughter of Ares. A fitting dream, no? Your father must have been proud of you for the way you fought after… well, I’ll let you relive that, too.” Before she could blink, she was transported to the moment right after Silena had been sprayed by the Lydian Drakon.

Clarisse was too late. She had always been too late.

She was back on her knees, choking and weeping bitterly as Silena lay in her arms, watching as life slowly left her once-lively eyes.

What kind of a warrior even was she? So weak that she couldn’t even protect her friend? Too weak to protect the girl who had adorned her armor and led her siblings into battle?

Just as Clarisse reached out to touch Silena’s face to wipe away the one mark of smudged eyeliner that the Aphrodite girl normally would never have even allowed to happen in the past, she was jerked back to consciousness, eyes flying open and arms almost crushing your sleeping form momentarily as she came to.

No longer was she in Manhattan, instead sheltered in the familiarly adorned walls of your shared bedroom. Upon the walls hung framed pictures of joyous times past and her sword collection, among other things.

Familiar faces stared back at her, some faces that would never age again. Immortalized memories of times that would never happen again. Everyone was dead or scattered across the globe.

A particular picture caught Clarisse’s eye. It was a portrait of Silena that she had commissioned one of the Apollo kids to draw for the daughter of Aphrodite’s seventeenth birthday.

She never lived to see that day.

Her eyes locked with Silena’s in the drawing for a moment, and that moment was one too much as hot tears began to prick in the corners of her eyes.

She had inadvertently woken you up with the way her arms tightened around your waist in a near vice grip, slowly coming to your senses. No longer were her breaths slow and rhythmic, their steadfast pattern replaced by one that was erratic and shallow. The once-steady thumping cadence of her heart as it beat in her chest was now quickened, all of which you could hear with your head having been nestled into her chest.

Craning your head to look up at her, you were greeted with the sight of Clarisse desperately trying to silently blink back tears and control her own breathing.

Hurriedly, you pushed yourself up off her chest and tugged the blankets off the two of you before sitting down on her lap. You took note of the way her hands had never left your waist, holding onto you as if she were drowning and you were the last life ring thrown out.

It wasn’t anything you and Clarisse hadn’t dealt with before. The nightmares had been a part of your lives as far back as you could remember, it just came with the territory of being a demigod. But they never got any easier as time went on.

She watched silently with eyes brimming with unshed tears, pleading wordlessly with you to do something, anything to make it all go away.

“Let’s switch, yeah? You can lay on me and completely cover me if you want, love,” you offered up, a melancholy smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. Wordlessly, she nodded and you slipped off her lap, laying back where she had just been moments ago.

Gently patting your chest, you motioned for her to rest her head on it, knowing that the rest of her body would soon follow, completely engulfing your form with hers. After she had positioned herself, her arms snaked around your waist again as she simply held you for a few moments, her face pressed into your chest as tears slowly soaked into your shirt.

One hand reached out to gently run along the length of her back, the motion meant to soothe. A few beats passed in silence before you spoke in a hushed whisper, the bedroom devoid of sound beyond the two of you breathing in tandem with each other.

“You hear that, love? That’s my heart,” you murmured softly, craning your neck to press a gentle kiss to the top of her head. “It’s beating, beating for you. Η καρδιά μου είναι η καρδιά σου.”

She didn’t respond beyond releasing another shaky sob into your chest and tightening her grip around your body, but you didn’t mind. You didn’t need her to talk just yet.

“You’re also η καρδιά μου, you know that, right? My heart, my wife, my love, my everything. And I’m yours. Entirely yours, and I”m not going anywhere.” You craned your neck again to press another kiss against the crown of her head, hand never stopping its path of running gently along the length of her back.

“I would go down to the depths of Tartarus for you. I would challenge Hades himself to a fight if it meant I had even a glimmer of a chance in getting you back.”

Never once did you try to rush her into talking or shushing her tears. You knew her better than you knew yourself, and giving her time to let everything out was the best thing you could do for her at the moment.

You were her safe space, the one woman that she could let her walls down around. She wasn’t Ares’ star daughter in your arms, she was just Clarisse. No expectations dangling over her head, just open arms and understanding.

After another few quiet moments, she finally spoke up in between half-choked sobs, whispering so quietly that her voice was nearly inaudible, “Silena… Manhattan… should have been able to save her,” before letting her face fall back down onto your chest, releasing another pained cry.

“She’s gone- a-and everyone else too- why me?”

Her question left you speechless, mouth partly opened in an attempt to come up with a reassuring response, but nothing seemed to come to mind immediately. It was rare for this to happen, as you normally had just the right words at the top of your tongue, weaving them as Arachne once wove tapestries on her loom.

“They’re all gone and- and- ”

“Shh, love…” you cut her off, gently pulling her head up to look her in the eyes, your other hand leaving her back to wipe the tears that were still streaming down her cheeks with the pad of your thumb. “Please, don’t go back into that self-sacrificial spiral. Talk to me, tell me what the dream was about?”

She only shook her head in response, unwilling to divulge details of the memory that had shattered your night of otherwise perfect proportions.

Deflating back on top of you, she whispered, “They’re all gone, and we’re one of the only ones remaining. It was like every time another one of them died, that small part of myself that I gave to them died as well.”

Her arms that were wrapped around your waist tightened for a moment before going limp along with the rest of her body as she lay atop you, her head pressed against your chest.

“Love…” you began softly as one of your hands found its way to her head and carded gently through her curls. “You can’t blame yourself for what happened. None of it was your fault. We didn’t ask to be born, to be thrown into this mess of a world and tossed around like pawns in the gods’ game of chess with our lives.”

“We didn’t ask for this life, and we were so young at the time. For fuck’s sake, we were only seventeen- we hadn’t even made out yet. We hadn’t graduated high school yet, there were so many things we couldn’t control.

“None of it was your fault, I promise you. You were so brave, and you did everything you could.” She stayed silent as you spoke, the only sounds coming from her were the soft, shaky breaths as she sniffled and burrowed her face further into your shirt.

“I can’t explain to you why so many things had to happen, that’s up to the Fates. I can’t give you the pieces of yourself back that you lost when we kept losing everyone,” you murmured whilst your hands kept on with their idle motions.

It shattered your heart to give her such an incomplete answer when you knew it was tearing her apart inside to live with it all, but there was nothing you could do beyond offer solace and comfort. “And for that, I am so, so sorry. But the one thing I can do is keep the piece you’ve granted me to keep, safe and sound.”

She only nodded in response, not trusting herself to speak in fear of her own vulnerability. Her tears soaked into your shirt, but you didn’t care. All that was important was that Clarisse was here, in your arms, and slowly calming down.

Clarisse knew just as well as you did that everyone had done the best they could with the circumstances given, and that the loss affected you just as deeply. But she didn’t dig into that, it would be a can of worms to open for another time, another sleepless night where your own troubles caught up with you after running from them for so long.

And so, the rest of the night stretched on into early morning, the two of you half-awake, seeking silent solace in each other until sunlight crept into the bedroom through the cracks of the curtains the next day.

The two of you might have been running from your trauma like runners to a marathon, but at least you were running hand-in-hand with matching strides.

#🖋️ nvir writes #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse la rue x fem reader #clarisse la rue #clarisse la rue pjo #clarisse larue #clarisse la rue x you #clarisse la rue x y/n #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #pjo tv #im not sorry #maybe i am #no im not

[dreamauri]

‧˚⊹ 𝗱𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗶 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 ଓ :: 𝗠𝗩𝟭 ‧₊˚⤾

you are reading :: part five !!

╭╯ pairing . . . max verstappen x fem! driver! oc! ) ┊ summary . . . its over, its all over ) ┊ genre . . . angst) ╰╮ warning . . . illusions of mental breakdown, bad mothering [sorry lei], lil sad )

☆★ finally getting to the good part :') kind of a filler, sorry ━━━━

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MEDIA DAY Saturday July 27 2023 — Circuit de Spa-Francorchamps, Belgium

A-Z WINNERS

"This should be quiet fun considering I have no life outside of racing." You joked, putting your hands on your hips. "Is there a time limit, yes? Great."

"OK, A for Alonso. Duh. B, for Jenson button. C is for c*nt." You said with a straight face making several people around the room laugh. You couldn't help the smile the creeped on your face.

"Wait. Who has a name that starts with C? . . . Caucasian man. Thats who- OH MY GOD CLARK! I forgot." You chuckled moving on. "What comes after C? A, b, c, d! D stands for d*ck.  E stands forrrrr-"

"G, would've been nice to say my mom's name but she was slow." You joked wiping your face giggling. "Gasly."

"K, . . . Who? Hint?" "Three on the grid." "There's three on the grid? What the— ME! FUCK! thats me." You laughed face palming, falling on the floor laughing your ass off. "Leon Kraus, Ashton Kraus, Felix Kraus, Alexander Kraus, Fritz Kraus, Y/N Kraus and of course Killian Kraus . . . Killian those bitches . . . I think he's getting married actually." "He already did." "Oh yeahhhhhh." "He's got a kid." "No." You gaped at her, jaw on the floor. "When was this? I'm an aunt? No body told me."

"You're the only one who didn't get it right away." "Oh nooooo."

"S issssss, who's name starts with s. Give me a hint." "On the grid" "who?- Oh! SAINZ!" You smiled brightly giggling. "Oh shit, I could've said Schumacher, sorry. Two Schumackers, no?"

"V, Verstappen but we know which one. Maximus of course."

YOUNGEST TO OLDEST

"Dinosaur." You slapped Fernando's on the top of the board. "He was born 2 seconds ago— he wasn't even born yet." You joked slipping Meike's name on the bottom of the board.

A giggle came from your mouth as you looked at the board, you had only two names down from the 20 drivers you were supposed to rank from age. "I won." You decided nodding, a few laughs came from around making you relax and smile.

"I'm here." You placed your name above Meike. "And he's old as fuck." You placed Killian name under Fernando. "And him, I don't even know. He looks like he could be a dilf, but acts like he's three three." You places Max's name in the middle, with Lewis above and Lando below.

"He . . . Danny phanton is like three mentally, you can't convince me other wise." You chuckled placing his magnet above Max's. " . . . I- I know Magnussen has a daughter no?" "Two." "He has two daughters? Wow. Good luck with that. May the odds forever be in your favor."

"How good is that?" "Very good." The interviewer chuckled making you laugh." "You've got the bottom half right." You hid your face leaning down laughing. "Good enough, no?" You giggled watching someone take away the board and place a flip board instead.

WHO SAID THAT

"Oh no. What is this?" You flipped the first page, looking at the written text. "You have to guess who said that." "Not easy peasy lemon squeezy." You stretched you arms clearing your throat.

"Not me." You put a thumbs up smiling. "Is that a point? . . . Oh come on." You whined trying to think.

SURPRIZE

"Oooh, what's this?" You take the plaque handed to you. "Oh that's khofo." You turned board, pointing at the sfinx. "He looks way prettier in person." You chuckled, looking back at the photograph you admired the other famous landmarks and views from your home.

"Am I supposed to name all of these places? I haven't been that much around. Just luxor and delta." You chuckling looking confused. "Not Cairo or Giza?" You shook your head.

"You can see them next year then, when F1 goes to Egypt." You could feel yourself starting to smile as you looked at her unsurly. "What are you talking about?" You chuckled looking around the room confused. "I don't- wait no. You're not serious." You dropped your hands, jaw falling.

"Your joking." Your ran your hands through your hair. You could feel a wave of excitement rush through you as you jumped in your spot happily, fangirling. "We're going home! Yes yes yes!" You cheered throwing your fist up giggling happily.

"Oh my God. My family can come watch me." You covered your mouth as the idea dawned on you. "Oh my God. Yes yes yes yes! Yesss!"

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

f1

f1 BREAKING: Red Bull will no longer have a second driver for the remaining races this season. oh no 🫣

user YES YES YES YES

user am i dreaming? GOD HAS BLESSED US

user about time

user fucking finally, she was making it a shit show

user am i the only one in the comments here to complain about this? this is not fair ↳ user bro no one gives q fuck. Shut up and eat ↳ user she was so annoying etf you complaining about? ↳ user yeah the only good thing about her is her looks

user bye bye, dont come back. we're not going to miss you ❤️

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"Lei— okay." Max pulled the tween up on his lap, continuing with his stream while she laid on his chest quietly. "Mate! You still have her?!" "She's my good luck charm." Max smiled weakly patting the girls back.

That wasn't the reason Leila was still with Max though. Max kept one if his hands free at all time, patting the French-Egyptian's back or stroking her hair to give her the most amount of comfort he can offer.

Max could feel Leila's hug tighten every few minutes and it made his heart ache. She's going through too much and she's just a child.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

A jingle came from the carton box as you practically threw it on the floor next to the front door. Your shoes were kicked off and your travel bags flopped on the ceramic as you trudged into your home.

It was too quiet for your liking. And with the prime summer heat, you felt like you were going to melt.

Dings started to sound from your phone as soon as it connected to the wifi, and you could already hear the comments and posts, the tweets, the videos, articles, the memes, the drawings, you could hear of people making fun of you. It was buzzing in your ears. And you couldn't get it out of your head.

And in a moment of rage you threw your phone into down the hall, through the dinner table and salon, across the living room. SMASH. It wasn't going to bother you anymore. You dragged yourself upstairs, pulling the door to your room shut.

"Your tense." "OH WOW! I COULDNT TELL!" You turned to face your uncle's figure, tears welling up in your eyes as your hands visibly started to shake. "I have been working my ASS OFF. I PUT MY WHOLE LIFE INTO THAT GOD DAMN SPORT. I PUT YOUR TIME AND YOUR MONEY INTO THIS WASTE." You shouted, turning around your fist meeting the body mirror, panting heavily.

"Relax, nunu." "How can I relax?!" You turned into Marawan's body, hugging him tightly. "It's over. No one is going to want me now." Sobs escaped your mouth as you felt him softly brushing his fingers through your hair.

"Y/N— " "I'm just a stupid girl. I should've never even tried." "That's not true." "It is. I wasted my time. My effort. My childhood. My life!"

You collapsed on your knees struggling to wipe your vision clear. "What am I doing with my life?" You cried to no one, gripping your hair as you emptied your feelings on the ground.

"That's not true." You heard you mother assure, her cold hand gently caressing your back and she kneeled down beside you. "You made a friend, Max. You got closer with Leila. You baked, Y/N. When was the last time you baked? You took off your mask, how brave was that?"

"It wasn't on purpose." You muttered, chocking on your cries. "But you continued to be brave. You faced on your dad. You faced the world. And you raced with your brothers, you always wanted to do that."

"I raced against them. Not with them." You corrected her. "And it was Killian too. Your golden son crashed into me. And now I have a hole in my hip."

"You choose the sport, Y/N." You pushed her away before she could caress your head, turning away from her, hugging your knees. "No. You did."

"You're the one who got that stupid scholarship. You're the one who went to germany, met dad and married him. You're the one who got in that stupid car. You're the one who smoked. You're the one who put all your expectations, gave me all your dreams to complete. You're the one who died."

"And I was such a bad daughter." You sobbed to yourself. "I couldn't complete your wish. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Leila is going to live with that stupid woman—"

"Your mom's here." Leila shook her head wrapping her little arms around Max's neck. "No." She held him tighter. "I stay with Max." She begged in the little English she learned. "Yallah." The older woman pulled the tween from his wrist dragging her away. "Stop being a pain in my ass. Let's go."

"Red bull is going to lose a lot of points—"

Max was carrying the whole team on his back, struggling to stay in p2 and p3 through the races with the other teams taking his broken defence to their advantage.

"All because of me."

You cried in the dusty pink room alone. All alone.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

2007 — El GAMAZI ESTATE, FRANCE

"Killian? Sho bete3mel hena?" [what are you doing here] The rain soaked boy looked like a deer caught in headlights. He could only shrug, he himself confused qbout his where abouts. "Ana . . ." [i] He sighed shakily, pulling his late mother's helmet from his back pack.

Tears started to well up in his eyes, as he held out the ancient egyptian themed hear protection. "It belongs with the El-Gamazis." He sniffed wiping his eyes. "Mom would have wanted you to have it."

"Oh Killian." The boy was pulled into the household, wrapped in a towel and given hot chocolate, the helmet by his side. "Nunu maogoda?" [is nunu here] He asked quietly watching his grandparents and uncle rush around the room.

"Meen? 'Nubis? Betsou2 barah." [who? 'nubis? she's driving outside] 'but it's raining outside' he furrowed his eyes looking out the window. There you were indeed, perfecting your driving skills in your new kart, probably freezing to death but to concentrated to know.

"I want Nunu to be at the track on Sunday for mama's moment of silence." Killian, took a hold of Marawan's shirt, stopping him in his tracks. "El 7ad? . . . Mashi. 7ader." [sunday? ok, we will be there]

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[spoodlebat]

OC-tober day 3/4: Old OC/Redesign

This one took me a few days so I'm combining the two prompts ^^ It would have been the same oc regardless anyway so it makes sense to given the tasks. I very rarely draw mechs so I hope you'll excuse the identical style to Zerrinth's post; symmetry is just so much easier when it comes to designing and basic posing.

His name is Delta, and he's an OC who I've had for a very long time.

Extremely long ramblings, timelapse and original art under the cut

I'll frontload this with the character lore and timelapse; if anyone cares for my breakdown of the oc itself, that'll be the huge ramble at the bottom ^^

D-17, going these days by Delta, is an autonomous multi-function guard unit. Originally from a world shrouded in eternal night, he and his charge Amyss fled its destruction in their ship, the ArchWing, to the planet of Soniterra. Spending their time amongst my other ocs, they now live amongst its denizens in secrecy, studying the world of light and sound through void-borne awe and wonder.

Powered by a zynal core, Delta is mechanically minded and quiet most of the time; tweaks to his functionality by Amyss have given him something of a sassy streak, however, and he's not afraid to giving a gentle ribbing to (or occasionally completely devastate) a poor friend with sharp remarks every once in a while.

Able to rearrange panels and parts of his body, as well as altering the shape and location of the hardlight parts of his form, Delta is capable of minor shapeshifting. He can also very precisicly manipulate tools and objects, capable of working on engineering projects at microscopic levels without any form of magnification or complex set ups with ease. Combining these skills means he is a very capable engineer, and has even rebuilt a living body into a partial cyborg to save someone's life. Though the world he now lives on seems primitive and inefficient by his standards, he does not usually feel arrogant about it; the mechanics of its tech are so different and new to him that he is ever interested in studying it.

A highly capable combatant, D-17's original purpose was to protect the outpost he and Amyss lived within from creatures of void. Energy beams firing from his hands and sharp blades forming from his body kept him and his charges safe, but the planet's end signalled an end to his guarding duties.

Ok, rambling time ;w;

I don't know exactly when I made this guy, but I remember writing about him all the way back in primary school, in blue pen on lined paper that I kept in my little organiser tray. That would be about age 6 or 7, making this guy almost twenty years old in real time ;-;

This OC is old enough to drink and vote in the uk, good fuckin lord

His origins start even earlier, in fact; he's an amalgamation of a couple of simple characters I made as a small child, including one of those 'running along the side of the road' guys you'd imagine on long car trips. Timelines and memories are fuzzy after 2 decades, but I'd imagine those guys are from at least a year or so before I squished all those ideas under one single name. So a solid 19 years, and a potential 20-21 easily :') wow.

Delta is actually old enough that I hadn't done much drawing by this point in my life, and so I mostly wrote things instead. Those old papers are around here somewhere, but design-wise he's never been truly nailed down; just a basic mental image and the odd description or two. The one exception is an old pixel art piece I made of him in mspaint, back on the Family Computer (remember those? ^^). I was a huge fan of pokémon fusions at the time, and I'd spend ages mixing up their sprites to see what I could do. Eventually I moved onto making things from scratch (scratch spriting, what a fun term), and that lead to the one and only time I've ever drawn this guy. It took way too long, it's very clunky, and I no longer have the original file :c Lost long ago in the move between computer to laptop I imagine. Instead, I managed to find it in a gloriously 240p youtube upload set to a Linkin Park song ^^ ah child me, you never left.

All the way from 2010, here's the best surviving version I could find. And yes, the youtube bar at the bottom is in the shot; you want to fight me over it, go find and screenshot it yourself :)

It's weirdly posed, has literally only 1 shade of grey + shading for colour, the design makes very little sense, especially for the chest and torso, and he looks a lot more evil than I intended. Despite a few efforts that went nowhere later in life though, I just never managed to redraw or redesign him in a way I was happy with. So for a long time, this grey pointy spriteart has been all I ever saw of Delta. Figured he was long, long, LONG overdue an update, and so here we are :)

Though he might look very different now and have actual anatomy knowledge informing his structure now, who'd have thunk? I tried very hard to keep intact the core design features that 13 year old me added in. It's the same fella after all! Here's a quick list of basic ones, since most of them are subtle but intentional after all:

-Glass/screen face with digital expression; I think taking the top off frees him up to look cleaner, but underneath was always a smooth screen. This way he can see above himself too ^^ -'Bunny ears'; little antenna/paddles that originate from the endless runner character, who was originally something of a rabbit -Shoulder-mounted boosters. Pretty self explanatory. -Upper arm loops; this one was actually a coincidence! I guess 2010 me and 2023 me both thought the upper arm needed something ^^ -Elbow plates; these were like. A big thing. Originally able to shapeshift into blades and other tools, I had to keep them in. It wouldn't be delta without them. They're just less... accidentally lethal now ^^ old design was POINTY -Split shins; the original shins have a pair of plates on them that form a sort of 'cuff' above the foot. I honoured this by making the feet the same way, the ankle connecting between the two sides. -Spikes! His hips were feeling a little.. empty? So I gave him some electromagnetic spikey blade things he can use as tools, as well as some hardlight claw hands.

#spoodle draws #digital art #art #potatoposting #bweird oc tober #bweirdoctober #robot #redesign #oc #original character

[heartofsix]

Six Boleyn Tour Updates

Lots of new and exciting news lately! Between Queens leaving, Queens joining, new cities announced, here's a little breakdown on everything that's happening on the Boleyn Tour!

Sydney Parra (Parr) announced her departure on October 12, after playing her final show on September 8.

Cecilia Snow (Alternate A/S/C, DC) left on October 15, after playing her final show on September 20.

Kelly Denice Taylor joined on October 17 as Alternate A/S/C.

Aryn Bohannon (Alternate B/S/H) became Dance Captain.

Courtney Mack joined temporarily as Catherine Parr on October 6 and will leave on November 19 in Toledo, OH.

Adriana Scalice will join permanently as Catherine Parr on December 5 in Denver, CO!

The current cast is contracted through April 14 in Louisville, KY. It is unknown if anyone will be staying past then (aside from Adriana Scalice).

If you have any questions or corrections, let me know! Trying to make Six easier to understand one day at a time!

(source: Gerianne's Instagram live)

#six the musical #six us tour #six boleyn tour

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

Funny that I say something like ‘to overshare or not overshare’ when I’m going to anyway. Pfft.

So, hell, why not. Rambling MGS4 thoughts below. Though I won’t be using my standard MGS tags, since I want to keep it out of the main tags. This is all mainly nonsense anyway, but I want to eventually put them out there b/c I want to replay this again and Idk. You guys know how allergic I am to shutting up.

TW: Medical, Death, Abuse, SA Mention (Non-Descriptive)

I finished MGS4 in a haze, crying hysterically and bothered to a point I couldn’t even lay my finger on. For a while I let it sit and just didn’t know what, exactly, had bothered me so much.

As the game went on, I noticed vaguely somewhere around maybe the half way mark this was bugging me, but I chalked it up to the sad nature of the game itself, and left it at that. I have no issue with the themes within the game, and you all know how much I embrace bothersome or disturbing content. And if you don’t, well. Now you do. I’m not shy about liking morally questionable content, nor disturbing content.

In any case-that wasn’t the issue.

No, the issue was Snake’s aging. Or, more specifically, the way the game presented it. Of all things.

But-eh, hear me out.

When I was a teenager, my life was hectic. I worked to help my mum pay the bills, but had to quit after an SA that I was blamed for (I was sixteen, and the victim, but I’d apparently asked for it. Whatever, fuck cops anyway). My grandfather was slowly dying from terminal illness, and time not spent at school or helping my mum was taking care of him. He had a variety of illnesses, but one of them, COPD, had him suffering violent coughing fits that he’d black out from. When he used to sit up, he’d cough himself unconscious, and sometimes end up on the floor. I’d call ambulances those days; I wasn’t able to lift him. I knew how to distribute his meds, his masks. All that stuff. I’d be woken up from a dead sleep to him calling my name, or coughing so loud I knew he needed the meds now. Fill the mask, do the tubes, fix the oxygen tank levels. I was very sleep deprived for most of my High School years.

(Only to go to class the next day and have my friends nag me about my slipping grades, askdnsajk) anyway.

I was pretty close to my grandpa. My dads, well anyway. Not worth discussing rn. My grandmother, his wife, died when I was 14.  I was raised by my mum and my grandparents. My grandfather wasn’t even that old during all this-early 60′s, and everyday I just watched him slowly fading away, unable to do ANYTHING to stop the inevitable as he had another coughing fit, another shake, etc.

In any case, he passed when I was 19, and time has it’s natural way of having things get pushed aside, I went through even more upheaval in my early 20′s that lead to a serious mental breakdown around 25-26 that had me admitted to a psyche ward. Eventually I was diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder, Psychosis and PTSD,

Things changed, I got my mental health under control, and life carries on.

And then I played MGS4 this year.

It’s funny, things I’d forgotten all about just crashing to the surface, seeing reflections through a screen like that. How my brain was ticking through watching Snake smoke through his violent coughing fits (Something my grandfather did up until one of his hospitalizations FINALLY got him to quit). The general helplessness Hal has, because there’s NOTHING you can do. Hell these days *I’m* chronically ill but not..terminally ill. I think they did much of Snake’s ageing and decline well, I guess for my brain? Too well.

S’funny, and maybe even kinda dumb. Stuff you don’t even think bothers you anymore, just sort of. Comes too a head.

It’s not like this post has a point. I am capable of controlling my own media intake. And there’s a large part of me that even wants to replay it! I just think it’s..strange how brains work. And how the most random things can be so big when they reflect your life in the most..disconnected and bizarre way.

Or something. Maybe I just wanted this out in the open cos that’s how I function (though some of my friends had heard this before from me).

Brains are weird. Life’s weird. But hey.

#nate rambles #in ANY case it's not like i don't like the game i DID enjoy playing it quite a lot #it only took me a month to realize that most ppl didn't spend six hrs after finishing it sobbing hysterically and numb #and it took me even longer to realize what upset me so much and why it was even such a big deal #but ya know im not that bright all the time as i've said #oh and i think this goes without saying but i am more than ok nw #it's just interesting to me how long it took me to clue myself in

[staydandy]

I did not expect to reach 100 followers before the end of the year! This community is great! Thanks so much! It's been a blast so far!

So, um.. Hi! I'm StayDandy!

I live in USA .. English is my first and (sadly) only language, but I want to learn Korean (I've gotten to the point of knowing the alphabet, being able to read/sound out words, understand a bit of the sentence structure, and recognize/remember a precious few words).

I started to get into Asian dramas and music early 2021. I've been watching & reading anime & manga/manwha, since college (*cough*, 10 years ago *cough*), but my interest had faded over time. Until last year's nose-dive back into dramas (Prison Playbook cracked the door, and I slammed it open!). I've been obsessed ever since! 😆 The interest in K/J/C-Music is newer; I hadn't really explored it before this past year (unless you count when PSY originally released Gangnam Style lol) .. I still listen to American music, but K/J/C music has taken over my Spotify, it's now the dominant genre (throw in a little Swedish power-metal and that's basically my Library in a nutshell).

I started exploring the whump community on Tumblr this past April - I was honestly amazed there were so many people with this interest, same as me! I started posting in May - I wanted to join in the fun, & contribute my own backlog of lists (I'd been writing them for over a decade after all, might as well put them to good use).

So.. idk if there's any interest.. I thought I'd share a detailed look at my List posts .. some of it is rather self-explanatory, but some of it might not be .. maybe this'll clarify what & why I format them the way I do.

But if you're just looking for a place to start exploring my page, I'd suggest My Directory. It breaks off to everything else. I organize everything manually so it's as accurate as I can make it.

Thanks again for Following along!

Post Breakdown (below the break) :

I'll use this surprisingly popular post as an example (really would not have guessed that Bridal Mask would receive the attention it did).

First, of course, you get the show title (in English & it's original language) .. a picture for the show (I try to use a pic that has the whumpee(s) in it) .. then a quick synopsis of the show. Simple, self-explanatory.

At the end of the synopsis I include a direct link to an official data site for the show (usually it's MyDramaList for Asian shows, and between Wikipedia or InternetMovieDatabase for English shows). • I include the "AKA" because there are quite a few shows that go by multiple names because of different translations/interpretations of the original title, or even official title changes before it aired. I've had the issue before of trying to find a show using (unknowingly) an uncommon translation of the title, which made it difficult to find what I was looking for. So, JIC, I include them here.

If there's multiple whumpee's I will color-code them, which carries throughout the list. • The links on the actor names are searches of my Tumblr. It's an easy way to see if I have any other lists with said actor in it. (I don't include them on English lists because I rarely have multiple lists with the same English actor. In the case that I do, I'll add the link)

The country links back to that country's whump list library.

Next are the notes about the show (any interesting details, what it's adapted from, ect.).. notes about my list.. &/or just my general thoughts on the show.

I use ellipsis ( ... ) for when there's a break between whump scenes. • Every now and then I will include my own thoughts amongst the whump, usually "subscript & in blue" • You can see the color-coding in action (I wish Tumblr had more color options). • When there's multiple whumpees I use a kinda "tag-you're-it" system : -- I mention a Character (A) and their whump until [chronologically in the episodes] something happens to Character (B), any whump following is (B)'s whump.. until (A) is mentioned by name again, then everything after is (A)'s whump ... and so on and so forth.

(Apparently Tumblr only actually uses the first 20 tags on a post, which is incredibly unhelpful. I still try to include all the key-words in my tags, but they're more for my own quick reference when I manually organize my posts.)

Hello again!

Thanks for reading! I've had people tell me I have an "interesting" way of organizing, & I tend to over-think things (you should see the organized chaos that is my bedroom! lol).

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I'll do my best to answer. Or if you just want to chat, I'm cool with that too.

And for those of you who've made it to the end of this post; If you see a show in one of my Libraries that is not marked as a "full whump list" (whether it's been posted already or not), but you're interested in seeing a full list for that show, let me know! I'm already going back and updating some partial lists here and there, but if you ask I'll prioritize your request!

Hope ya'll have a good Holiday season and New Year!

#just me #follower milestone #100 followers #post breakdown

[babyawacs]

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[portugalthecitadel]

Fleet of the Future (D and E series)

In service2018–present

ManufacturerBombardier/Alstom

DesignerMorelli Designers

Built at

Plattsburgh, New York

Pittsburg, California

Family nameMovia

ReplacedA, C seriesConstructed2012–

Number under construction310

(total)Fleet numbers3001–3310

Capacity51 (seated)

Depot(s)

Colma Yard

Concord Yard

Hayward Complex

Richmond Yard

Plattsburgh, New York

Pittsburg, California

Family name Movia Replaced A, C series Constructed 2012–Number under construction310 (total) Fleet numbers 3001–3310 Capacity 51 (seated) Depot(s)

Colma Yard

Concord Yard

Hayward Complex

Richmond Yard

In a 2010 APTA study, the average age of BART's mainline fleet was reported to be 30 years, longer than the usual lifespan of 25 years. Despite the purchase of newer cars over the years, the majority of the active fleet in 2016 was over 40 years old and had traveled over a million miles. Because of this, they have been increasingly prone to frequent breakdowns and repairs, decreasing the number of available cars and in turn increasing congestion, especially with the need to increase the fleet size for extensions to the network. Consequently, in 2009, BART began the process of expanding and replacing its railcar fleet. By 2010, it had received proposals from five suppliers, and on May 10, 2012, it awarded a $896.3 million contract to railcar manufacturer Bombardier (during delivery the company was bought by Alstom) with an order for 410 new cars, split into a base order of 260 cars and a first option order of 150 additional cars. The car was designed by Morelli Designers, an industrial design firm based in Montréal, Canada. On November 21, 2013, BART purchased 365 more cars, for a total fleet size of 775 new railcars, while also accelerating the delivery schedule by 21 months (from 10 cars per month up to 16 cars per month) and lowering procurement costs by approximately $135 million. The contract requires that at least 2⁄3 of its value be spent on U.S.-built parts.

The new fleet is composed of two different types of cars: 310 cab cars (D cars) and 465 non-cab cars (E cars). Both types have bike racks, new vinyl seats (54 per car), and passenger information systems that display next stop information.

A major difference is an extra set of doorways on each side of the new cars to speed up boarding and alighting. They also include redesigned seating, bike racks, digital displays that display travel information, and automatic announcements. Due to potential access issues for people with disabilities, the pilot car layout was modified by the BART board in February 2015 to include two wheelchair spaces in the center of the car, as well as alternative layouts for bike and flexible open spaces.

The first test car was unveiled in April 2016; upon approval, the first 10 cars were expected to be in service in December 2016, and at least 20 by December 2017. This was delayed several times until the production cars were expected to be delivered in October 2017. Delivery of all 775 cars was initially expected to be completed by Fall 2022, with all cars in service by 2023. Bombardier initially agreed to speed production to have all cars available by the end of 2021 and in service by 2022.

In early November 2017, a test train failed a CPUC regulatory inspection due to door issues, leaving the planned late November revenue service in doubt. The first ten-car train received CPUC certification on January 17, 2018, and began revenue service two days later on January 19. Plans to have 198 new cars by July 2018 did not materialize, and the agency had put only 20 in service at that time. After only running on the Richmond–Warm Springs/South Fremont line since January, a set of D and E cars began transbay service in October 2018.

In November 2018, BART announced they had negotiated to extend their purchase options to a total of 1,200 cars, though reports in 2019 stated that this deal was still not final. By the end of March 2019, 65 cars were in use; four 10-car trains for revenue service and the remainder for training. In June 2019, with 84 total cars delivered, Bombardier announced it would be moving production from their New York-based plant to a new facility shared with Hitachi Rail in Pittsburg, California in the East Bay.

In January 2021, BART stopped accepting new cars pending reliability improvements to be made by Bombardier. That same month, the struggling Bombardier sold its transportation division to Alstom, which said it would work to recover operations. BART was not alone with issues with Bombardier equipment. Before the Alstom deal, the company had seen declining profits largely caused by a series of major delays in delivering new fleets of trains (including the Flexity streetcars for Toronto and R179 subway cars for New York City) and reliability problems once trains were placed in service.

BART resumed accepting new cars in February 2022. As of September 11, 2023, BART has received 591 D and E cars, of which 575 have been certified for service and 368 are required for service. All 55 trains in service use the new cars.

BART exclusively runs Fleet of the Future trains on its base schedule since September 11, 2023. Legacy trains only run when needed, such as on days with major events or during a service disruption. BART plans to retire the remaining legacy fleet in late 2024.

#subway #subway train #bartsanfransico #bay area rapid transit

[lifewithoutmeds]

september 19, 2023

6:54 p.m.

the sun's starting to set earlier. it's setting around now, actually, and i'm typing in a fading light. also it's been about 10-20' cooler than it was about a week ago. the high's are in the mid to high 70's, the nights are cool, and i haven't had to turn on the a/c in about a week. i've also been able to go out on a couple lunch walks, which i hadn't previously, partly due to the weather, partly just because of my headspace.

i feel pretty uneasy lately. i know that the weather has something to do with it. as much as i appreciate how it's cooler, something about it kind of fills me with dread and extreme anxiety and sadness. it feels ... foreboding almost. like a blanket of darkness slowly descending, like i should be hiding the kids in some bunker, nervously looking back, hoping it won't catch up to me. it's a bizarre sensation.

i'm also remembering how much of this dissipated when jadai was here. cooler nights meant a blanket set up by the fireplace, and drinks and monopoly deal. it meant nights at shelby's with the dogs, with a movie on, with pumpkin carving and halloween music. now it's back to nothingness, the unsettledness.

week's recap:

thursday, 9/14/2023: went in to work, uncharacteristically on a thursday, due to a quarterly in-person asset management meeting. i worked a lot, as i do on in-office days, and our Pathway Home meeting ran late, until 6:30 p.m., and then joyce wanted a quick recap which took a few extra minutes. i ended up being quite late to dinner with stacy and catherine, but they had been waiting a bit so the food hadn't all been eaten, and i had some drinks and we all gave little recaps on our lives and catherine was so sweet, when i told her about my may mental breakdown, she said i should've reached out to her, and something to the extent of how when there's something ... i dunno, mature? authentic about my honestly in how i was dealing with the crap and sadness that is life, as opposed to pretending all was good. that was kind of nice to hear. i rarely hear anything good about my outtake on life. again though, it was really really good seeing them and i felt lucky to have been included.

friday, 9/15/2023: went fishing with tracy! i was debating this, since i haven't really felt like fishing in a while, it takes all day, and it gets pretty exhausting, but i figured with summer ending, with my few RDO's, and with tracy going back to work soon, there wouldn't be a ton more chances, so i'd go. and i'm really glad i did. we went out for a few hours, and i caught some perch, and got some sandcrabs and set up tracy with some giant sandcrabs with roe, and she got hit with a nice-sized guitarfish, which fought her pretty hard coming in. i was also slammed twice and my line actually snapped off at the hook, so i didn't know what hit it. it was pretty fun, and just nice to be knee deep in the water, with the hypnotic lull of the water, and seeing little things, the birds, an occasional seal. i dunno. it was kinda nice to be out there and kind of nice to reminded that there were still things that a little bit awakened my soul. afterward she was craving gyros, so we went to a place called gyromania which was pretty tasty but had the weirdest and most offputting customer service i've ever experienced. i don't even quite know how to describe it except Weird.

then we went to our respective homes, i rinsed off my legs, and then crashed, staring at my phone until night.

saturday, 9/16/2023: went with my mom to a few more open houses, none of which were impressive, then went out to lunch per usual, this time at house of joy where we got jamppong and tangsooyuk. it was good and we split the tangsooyuk and she took the jamppong leftovers home to mix up later with market noodles. i laid down for the rest of the day and didn't do any chores. just laid there and i started to feel the darkness, the horror slowly start creeping in. randomly lorena came by after work with some leftover sushi and we went to BJ's where we got some wings and beer and sad music was playing and she was showing me photos of a wedding that she and her gf had gone to in big bear the past weekend, and it completely triggered me: the wedding, big bear, i thought of how that would've been a nice place for jadai and me to get married and before i knew it, i was crying again. i eventually got out of it and saw my former waitress crush but she looked different this time and i felt kind of different about her.

sunday, 9/17/2023: absolutely nothing this day. just laid down. ate some leftovers. just nothing. my hand started hurting from holding my phone for so many consecutive hours. i felt anxious, unproductive, lazy, guilty, and also just again that deep dread, this weird anxiety and i finally took a gummy to help me sleep/not feel, and don't remember the rest of the night.

monday, 9/18/2023: had a hard time focusing for work. the day was a bit of a blur. afterward though i went to grace kim's in pasadena. maddy was being very sweet and cute, and steve got together some really delicious smoked/barbecued meat. they also served a salad and mashed potatoes, all fresh, from the farmer's market, all homemade, all really tasty. i also had a few beers and i was very sad and dark and cried a tiny bit. oh also i had a noon psychiatrist appointment and i cried and cried and she said that this was fairly normal for a break up to feel all the things.

tuesday, 9/19/2023: decided to be productive today. took out trash, picked up the mail, watered some plants, did three loads of dishes and three loads of laundry. walked to the bank, deposited a check my dad mailed me for my birthday, and also withdrew $100 in tens so i could pay my weekly work parking fee. talked a bit on the phone with lana, amir, and lorena, which was nice. i took another walk after work and listened to The Read, and i still felt pretty spooked, like just anxiety and dread gripping my soul, and like i had to keep catching my breath and forcing myself to take deep breaths, and i was a little discouraged at the fact that when i did nothing, i felt bad, and even when i did everything "right," i still didn't feel good. i'm hoping this is a passing feeling, as i have to remind myself that my circumstances haven't changed, only my feelings. and i just need to dig myself out, shovelful by shovelful.

looking ahead: wednesday, 9/20/2023: in office day. randomly got re-in touch with dana from the assessor's office, and we're planning on getting dim sum in chinatown for lunch tomorrow. i haven't seen her in forever but i'm very fond of her and we have a really similar sense of humor. she had a baby recently and has apparently been suffering from terrible anxiety, so we might have lots to catch up on.

thursday, 9/21/2023: will be coworking with danielle again in santa clarita valley. this will probably mean hanging out with her dog and going on a few walks, maybe ordering in lunch like last time. i really appreciate her and enjoy her company and i think we benefit from just being near each other to vent about our personal problems and feelings. she's been a really great and consistent friend these years.

friday, 9/22/2023: a short day at work, and will be taking off an hour to go to a midday doctor's appointment. i think i've lost a few pounds since my last visit so that should be good i guess.

saturday, 9/23/2023: caroline's baby shower in the morning, and hot flash in west hollywood at night. looking forward to both. the wholesomeness of the baby shower, and the debauchery of the night. my new friend kim from long beach bought a ticket, and LD might come too, so for once i might actually know other people at the event and not just hang around, desperate to find a friendly face.

again, today was frustrating. i was doing all of the things. dutifully walking back and forth every 45-50 minutes to pick up my laundry, etc., dutifully washing load after load of dishes, counting my calories, taking my walks, and it just felt so ... i dunno, dull? repetitive? and it takes so much to be healthy, it takes so much to feel fulfilled, and it's just so much monotony and drudgery. i need to work and eat healthily and make my bed, and scrub my toilet and take my walks and then take care of my mental health by talking to a friend, journaling, and watching The Office. it just feels like so much for so little. just feeling again, like i can't quite find the point and it's getting tiring, just round and round the wheel.

a part of me thinks that i'll find hope and joy again in a relationship. i'll have a reason to pick up a treat at the bakery and to browse a stationery store so i can write cards, a partner to go bicycling with, and play monopoly deal with on cold nights. someone to plan adventures with, and have plans every weekend. but i also know that as much as i want that, i need to be okay without that. i can't depend that much on anyone. and it's been really hard to figure out why, otherwise. it's so much upkeep with no ultimate purpose or meaning.

i'm finding myself returning to some older patterns: looking for travel deals, asking if i can tag along with others' plans and families. looking for volunteer opportunities. just looking, just ... trying to find something to do, some meaningful way to spend my time. i'm having a hard time feeling good right now, and it's doubly frustrating because i really am actively fighting it.

i ate soondubu for breakfast and lunch today, and had a spinach/fruit smoothie for dinner. i might eat a few carrots with dip later. i was losing weight for a while but a few days of haagen dazs and leftovers had me gaining it back. i'm hoping i could keep it off, and lose more. i want to dress better, and bought a couple shirts online from banana republic, and i somehow calendared a shopping day with lana in a few weeks. i realized that i dress as if i don't care about myself, the world, or how i'm perceived by others, because i don't care about them either. my whole posture is one of not really caring about existence, and i think it's a bit defeatist. i feel invisible, so i act invisible. must work on this.

[scentedluminarysoul]

I positively loved this episode of Loki! It was so good!

I like how they're basically arguing about religion, and Loki, a god, taking the "atheist position" so to speak.

Damn, I recognized some of the dates at the end, both fictional an real, and wow, I cannot wait for the next episode/s and the ramifications of that!

#loki #spoilers #episode 2 #mcu #marvel #i totally get Loki #i struggled with the fact that there is no actual ''free will'' myself #until i understood the concept #wonder who the time keepers are #or if they even exist #after c-20's breakdown #i'm not so sure

[honey-milk-depresso]

Any character of your choice comforting an s/o who has a mental breakdown because they feel worthless when failing something ;-;

Also any tips to stop measuring self-worth by achievements or perfectionist tendencies because-

OH DAMN JUST OPEN MY INBOX AND THERE'S SO MUCH SDBDDHIDHI

Don't worry will attend to all requests if I can ^^ Hope you enjoy!

TWST comforting an s/o mentally breaking down

Trey Clover

He was shocked.

He didn't expect you to all of a sudden just break down into tears,

when you looked fine at least 20 minutes ago.

Maybe he didn't notice.

But now he sees you,

crying and blaming yourself,

the man swoops down to your emotional rescue.

Like I said for the previous ask about the Heartslabyul comforting their s/o,

you should go check it out at my blog-

or not-

Trey is good when it comes to comforting.

He's comforted his own siblings before,

and he also eases the nerves of his dorm leader and dorm mates.

He would be right there by your side,

just holding you close to his embrace, while he silently strokes your hair, waiting for a response from you, or just simply being there.

In general, Trey's presence is already comforting by itself, and he's fully aware of that.

If you want him to tell him about what happened, he's all ears.

But knowing you were blaming yourself, he knew that something happened that either you didn't mean it, or that you happened to be there but still think it's all your fault that happened.

Honestly, it is canon that Trey blames himself.

He still apologized to Riddle after he overblotted, and his reasons of feeling dejected and lonely was because of him.

So he could sympathize with you,

and he reassures you that whatever happened was in the past, or that it wasn't your fault.

If you don't want to talk about it, then he'll leave you be. He doesn't want to upset you any further.

If you really need some comfort, he'll be there with some pastries, hope its taste can brighten your day <3

Jade Leech

He sort of assume this might happened,

he's very observant,

he sees the details.

And he's more observant of the people he loves, like you, his s/o.

He just didn't expect you to breakdown so badly,

crying so hard and just cursing yourself.

He was about to ask if you were okay,

buuuuuut-

now he knows you

a r e n ' t-

So,

what does he do?

Jade usually isn't a very touchy person,

but for his s/o,

he'll lightly grabbed you by your shoulders,

laying his head on top of yours,

as he rubbed your back in soothing circles,

as he softly kissed your forehead.

That's the most amount of contact he's ever given you,

besides the countless of kisses on the hand,

and the subtle touches like-

holding of hands, short kisses on your forehead, gently holding your back while guiding you back to his or your dorm.

Never has he actually cuddled up to you.

He just hoped the presence and warmth he brings could be comforting to you.

If you want some space, he'd give it. He wants you to cool down.

If you ever need some comforting, just know he's right there beside you. You could just go to his room and just lay on his bed, while he embraces you lazily, whispering words of comfort. <3

Jamil Viper

Jamil also did suspected something,

but didn't want to ask.

He didn't want to bother you if you feel bothered.

And he also didn't want to make assumptions,

so he didn't ask.

That was until

you just started breaking down,

crying really hard.

And he was just startled like

??!!

W T F-

He freaks out at first,

since he didn't expect you to go full on

C R Y I N G-

but when he hears you just blaming yourself,

he just-

something kinda clicks in his brain.

He feels

shocked that you're blaming yourself.

So snapping out of his thoughts,

he went up to you and just

grab a hold of your shoulders and brings you into a tight embrace.

Something about Jamil's scent,

is just soothing and brings a lot of tranquility.

He just kind of hold you in his embrace,

as he closed his eyes,

just slowly showing that he's empathizing with you, and he wants you to know no matter what he's there.

If you need some space to cool off, he completely understands.

He also would want some space to cool off after a bad day.

But if you really want some comfort,

he's right there for you.

Just relax on his flying carpet,

as he just hopes the view can bring you at peace, while just staying quiet, giving you a soft, comforting smile. <3

#twst #twisted wonderland #trey clover x reader #jade leech x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #jamil viper x reader #twst x reader #twst headcanons #trey clover #jamil viper #jade leech #twst x reader headcanon #twisted wonderland x reader headcanon #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland headcanon #twst headcanon #twst trey #twst jamil #twst jade #twst fluff #twisted wonderland fluff #twst x reader fluff #twisted wonderland x reader fluff

[wannabemobwife]

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas- Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Dressed to the Nines

Dad!Mob!Tom Holland x Mom!Mob!Reader Fanfic

-Pairings: mob! Tom Holland x reader

-Warnings: Language

-Words: 3.9K

Background Info- Tom Holland is boss of his mafia and Y/N Holland, his wife, is former mafia boss turned stay at home mom but still joined Tom on his business trips and meetings. They started dating at 19 and were married at the young age of 21, realizing they only needed each other. They have two kids together, both ages 16, Parker and Rosie Holland.

*Realistically to have two teenagers, Tom and Y/N are both in their mid/late thirties but they look like they are in their mid twenties/late twenties alright. What can I say, they have really good genes. I can guarantee that Tom will still definitely look as gorgeous as he does know in his 30’s.

Author note: I enjoy writing drama, so it’s hard to have constant fluff, mostly angst (I hope, at least what I consider angst). The more times where a character almost dies but doesn’t the better to me. This is my first fanfic, I wrote this story based on being married with kids because that is the part of my life I’m most looking forward to. Heads up but there is tons of dialogue, I find that the most fun to write.

Also I enjoy PDA and a personal goal of mine is to be married for 20 years and still want to jump my husband’s bones so there are a bunch of little hints like that through the fanfic. Sorry if your name is any of the characters, feel free to change them in your mind. I know it’s stupid of me to say that but whatever.

Chapter 1: Dressed to the Nines

Words: 3.9K

You and Tom were a power couple. The Hollands, the ones with the most power and the most dangerous. A king and queen to their empire. Lately you had been tackling married life together and had been raising two kids. A boy named Parker and a girl named Rosie both the same age. But nothing could prepare you for what every parent dreads, their teenage years. All the hormones, mood swings and relationship drama that comes with it.

When both the twins turned 16 it was big turning point in your family. Rights of passage as Tom would say. You and Tom threw a massive gala to celebrate their 16 years of being alive. Tom as the leader of his own mob, money was no object and you coming from the family you did and being a former mafia boss, you both had truly opulent wealth. It was the night of their kids’ sixteenth birthday and everyone was invited from family, friends, business associates and even enemies. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer they would say. Tom and tried to keep as much as possible from your kids, trying to give them a normal childhood. Failing over and over again at that. Some nights Tom would come home bloody from beating up someone who crossed him. Or there would always been strange, bulky, built men surrounding your mansion for protection. It was hard to explain everything to the kids, but it was something they just had to do for family.

The party was about to begin, 7:00 on the dot, and the house was decorated to fit a very elegant yet youthful look. Caterers dressed in white carrying bountiful trays of appetizers. Tom and you adored the luxury of their life, even though they knew if they didn’t have all the materials they did they would be even happier. Their family is what mattered most to them. You were dressed to the nines, in a lace gold gown, with sparkly stilettos on. Her Y/H/C hair gracefully laying one her back, without a strand out of the place. And her Y/E/C eyes were beaming, if looks could kill they would. Tom couldn’t help but admire you.

“You know, it’s rude to gawk,” you said and Tom chuckled.

“I’m sorry but you’re just too beautiful not to,” he responded and placing his hands on your hips.

Rolling your eyes and smirking you said “tonight’s the night.”

“I know, should we do it now?” he questioned as his half smile turned into a frown.

“No, let him have this one more night. Without any obligation,” you had been dreading this night for years.

“Alright, darling,” he said as he kissed softly, he just couldn’t contain himself he

found his other half. The person that makes him want to be a better man. His soulmate.

Like any family there are skeletons in their closets but, the Hollands were a whole another story. Tonight was the night, one they had been dreading for 16 years, to be exact. You and Tom’s son, Parker would be tasked with the most difficult decision of his life. One that will rewrite his story. Tom wishes he would just turn it down and do what he didn’t have the balls to do when he was his age.

The day Tom’s dad brought him into the office, he knew his life would never be the same. Dom, his father and former boss of the Holland empire, made it very clear that if he turned him down, he could forget about being in this family. Tom just knows he won’t give the same ultimatum. Parker being the oldest and only son of Tom and Y/N Holland is the future of their family empire. Parker was quite popular, a playboy actually and very dashing. Wearing a black suit with a black tie and a white shirt he look just like his dad with his brown hair slicked back. Being one of the guests of honor tonight he had to look the part. Slowly made his way to the bar before his mother could find him. Desperately needing some liquid courage, he quickly poured himself a shot of vodka and downed it even faster. However nothing gets past, you, Y/N Holland.

“Parker Jackson Holland!” you fumed, catching her 16 year old son drinking.

“Hey, what’s with the middle naming me, it’s my birthday,” he responded a little startled.

“You should not be drinking, ever. You got two years, mister,” you explained.

“Alright, mum,” Parker sounded annoyed.

“Where’s your sister by the way, party is supposed to start in 10 mins,” you said as she noticed all the guest starting to arrive. A line of people already waiting at the door but everyone knew the Hollands preferred people to arrive fashionably late.

“I don’t know. Having a fit probably. Last I heard was screaming coming from her closet.”

“I’ll go check on her. Your father and I need you sober later. Understood?” You exclaimed.

“Yes, mum.” Parker was a good boy on paper but, enjoyed breaking the rules.

Right as you turned away, Parker then started to pour another shot.

“Don’t even think about it,” you said still walking forward. Parker chuckled and set the shot down.

You went to go check on her daughter. You knocked on the door when she heard something shatter. Rosie may seem timid but she definitely inherited Tom’s anger issues.

“Honey? Is everything alright?” You questioned, startled by the outburst.

“Yeah, mum. I’m sorry,” Rosie muttered seeming frustrated.

“It’s ok, oh honey!” You exclaimed, noticing the tears on her daughter face

“I know, this is stupid,” Rosie whispered trying to hide her tear stained face.

“No, no it isn’t. What’s wrong?” you said, genuinely concerned for her daughter’s well-being.

“I don’t know everything, this dress, my hair, my makeup,” she exclaimed frantically.

“Baby, you look beautiful.”

“Pretty enough that someone would want to dance with me?” Rosie whispered. You were caught off guard that your daughter could ever have thoughts like that.

“Yes of course, you are always gorgeous.” You hated seeing your baby girl beat herself up based on her looks.

“Thanks mom, I have a question?” You just nodded in response.

How did you get dad to fall in love with you?” Rosie asked inquisitively.

“Um, I guess was just myself. I didn’t put on a facade and I was very honest and transparent with him,” you answered a little taken back from the question.

“You were yourself? I find that hard to believe. From stories I’ve heard you seemed to be bold, brave and beguiling” said Rosie with a hint of sarcasm.

“Am I not those things now?” You asked, cheekily.

“No you are, just in a different way.”

“Honey, whoever you are trying impress, will love for who you are, ok?” You couldn’t stand seeing her daughter like this.

“Alright. Can you help me with my makeup?” Rosie asked because her previous makeup had been ruined by her miniature breakdown

“Yes, of course.”

Back at the party Tom was making his way around saying hello to almost everyone. He desperately needed to find his son. Tom’s and Parker’s relationship was interesting to say the least. As babies and toddlers Tom was there. He loved his kids so much but as they grew older they only noticed the times he wasn’t there. Only the missed recitals and football games, never all times that had dinner as a family and he tucked them in to bed at night. Parker is closer to his mother and his twin sister. Never really having that man to man talk with his dad yet. The time when fathers stop seeing their sons as boys and look at them as men. Tom approached Parker sitting there with his a drink in his hand, he hoped was a watered down Pepsi.

“Hey Parker, did your mom talk to you already?” Tom asked, not trying to raise too many questions.

“No, she might have mentioned something,” Parker responded.

“Ok, well after cake meet me in my office.” Parker nodded in response and noticed how he tensed a little at the conversation.

Their chat quickly ended when Harrison and his 16 year old son Henry came to wish happy birthday. Harrison is Tom’s right hand man, his consigliere and his best friend. He was more than that, Harrison was family. Harrison’s son, Henry was best friends with Parker and Rosie, ever since birth.

“Hey mate,” Tom said to his best friend Harrison.

“Hey, just came to wish this guy “happy birthday”” he said patting Parker’s shoulder.

“Happy birthday, dude” Henry said to Parker and he returned with subtle “thank you’s.” Parker slightly nodded to his dad to see if he could leave the conversation and Tom let him know it was ok.

“Come on, let’s go,” Parker exclaimed making his way to den where his other friends were.

Harrison was the first to speak up, “Have you told him yet?”

“No, Y/N and I are going to do it tonight” Tom uttered with a low toned voice.

“Geez, do you need me there?” Harrison asked, afraid Tom might say yes. Harrison was there when Tom went through the same process with his dad. Tom’s anger issues didn’t help the outcome.

“I think I’m alright, just family. Not that I don’t consider you family but I don’t even know if Rosie should be there.” Tom justified.

“It’s alright mate, I get it.”

They were both enjoying their night, making their rounds, Tom and Harrison went to get drinks, not beer this time but a scotch on the rocks as this was a classy night. Everything was dandy up until one of Tom’s men, William, came up to him informing Tom of a problem.

“Sir we have a problem,” William whispered to Tom, Tom nodded for them to follow them to his office.

“William, what now? Can’t you see I’m enjoying the party?” Tom exclaimed, closing the doors to his office.

“Sir, Daniel, was found dead at his post outside, shot by a tranquilizer gun, with a note taped to his chest, it’s for you.” William announced and handed the paper to the most important and dangerous man of the mob, his boss.

“What the fuck?” A long silence stayed in the air while Tom processed the news. Awkwardness had filled the entire room as they all awaited Tom’s response.

“For fucks sake, you need at least 3 guards posted outside. NOW!” He screamed as his anger continued to rise as read the note.

“Yes, Sir.” William said promptly.

“God forbid anything else happen tonight, but my wife and kids are the first ones to be escorted to safe house. Understood?” Tom explained as he only was only thinking about his family in that moment.

“Yes, Sir.” William said and quickly ran out before he could get the brunt of Tom’s upcoming outburst. Right on cue, Tom threw a glass ashtray at the wall, it shattering into shards.

“Calm down mate, what did the note even say.” Harrison asked with a worrisome look on his face. Tom showed Harrison the joy and his smile faded immediately. Tom for the first time, in a while, felt fear because he knew he had everything to lose.

Not wanting to deal with the life long headache that is his life. He looked for solace in, you, his wife as he spotted her over by the fireplace and made his way over to you.

“Have told you look stunning tonight?” He said instantly falling in love with you over again.

“Several times actually,” you said.

“Well I can’t help what you do to me, gorgeous.” He said placing a kiss to your temple.

“Hey, have you had the talk with him yet?” You said pointing a finger at your son getting very intimate with some girl.

The girl was Charlotte Owens. Parker and her had been together for almost a year, but you and Tom hadn’t met her formally yet. Your son was very tight-lipped the it came to his private life. She was tall, fair and had platinum blonde hair along with piercing blue eyes. Rosie didn’t seem to like her very much, constantly annoyed by her popularity status and reputation, used to be known for being with a new guy every couple weeks and don’t put it past Rosie to not give her the benefit of the doubt.

“No, remember we’re going to do it tonight. Is something wrong?” He said with concern, worried why you would forget something so important.

“No, not that talk, silly, “The talk”,” you responded. His lips formed an “o” shaped as he realized he would have to teach his son about how to be safe during sex.

“Oh, no. I’ve been avoiding it for as long as possible.”

“Why baby, you’re so good at it. You could give him a few a pointers.” You said, winking at him.

“Wow, love, you surprise me everyday. Speaking of beautiful girls, where’s Rosie. I’ve haven’t seen her all night,” Tom quickly trying to change the subject as they were at a party.

“I saw her a few minutes ago,” you said as a puzzled look grew on her face.

“Come on, let’s go find her and maybe you and I can sneak off for awhile.” He said cheekily.

“Tommy,” you whispered but eventually agreed. Slowly making your way out of the main ballroom to the secret garden next to his office.

Walking very slyly, you both made your way to secret spot near Tom’s office. Where ivy had grown throughout the brick and purple and yellow tulips lined the fence along with giant trees. There was a little wishing fountain that Tom had installed when you moved in, this was their secret spot. One where they could forget about all the violence and responsibility that tainted their lives.

Their intimate moment was ruined when Rosie walked by with some random guy named Connor, not the person she’d hope to bring there. All throughout the night Rosie seemed to be jealous of the attention her crush was getting at the party as he didn’t pay attention to her. Thus, she went find a distraction of her own.

“Oh hey, shh, look two people getting it on over there,” he whispered to her as she dragged him outside.

“Please don’t be my brother.” She murmured but felt like she wanted to throw up when she saw who it was.

“Mom, dad?” Rosie screamed.

“Oh shit, we’ve been busted,” Tom muttered against your neck.

“Hey honey,” You said while Rosie was completely mortified. Rosie’s potential hookup stood there mouth wide open.

“That’s your mum, god, she’s a babe.” Connor said.

“Connor, not helping.” Rosie exclaimed sternly as she pinched his side.

Tom spoke up, “Why don’t you guys go back and enjoy the rest of the party.”

Rosie just nodded and left as fast as humanly possible. She never wants to be that embarrassed again.

“Oh my god, we were gonna get it later.” You said.

“I know, we really screwed up this time. But have you had “the talk” with her yet,” Tom asked.

“Nope, we should both really get on that. What would I’ve happened if they hadn’t caught us?” You asked jokingly.

“I don’t want to think about that Y/N! She’s our daughter.” Tom exclaimed.

“Neither do I.”

“Enough of this, where were we?” Tom interjected immediately changing the subject.

“Well you lips were on my neck and you hand was on my waist, but I think the moment has passed and we should get back to the party,” you said rather seductively.

“Fine, I know you’re right. But fuck, I just want to make out with my wife,” Tom muttered frustratingly.

“Well you can later... in bed.” Winking as you chuckled.

“Man, that kid was right, you are a babe.”he said as he slapped your ass as you walked in front of him chuckling.

“Is it time for cake?” Harrison asks as he came up to Tom and you.

“I think it is.” Tom said and you nodded. Walking towards Rosie, who was desperately trying to erase her self from existence because of the embarrassment she’d experienced a minute ago.

“Hi, honey. Can you please go find your brother? We are going to cut the cake.” You said trying not to accidentally bring up the elephant in the room.

“Alright, fine,” Rosie muttered still a little peeved finding you and Tom like that. Rosie searched high and low for Parker.

Needing some assistance she asked Henry. “Hey, have you seen my brother?”

“Last I saw he was taking Charlotte to the green house” Henry responded.

“Alright, come on, let’s go find them” Rosie said rolling her eyes. Her hand slipped into Henry’s as she led the way. Making their way through the vast yet gorgeous yard. Rosie and Henry found Parker and Charlottes lips entangled together and bodies in a compromising position in the green house

“For fucks sake, how many people am I going to find sucking face at this party.” Rosie yelled, startling Charlotte and Parker.

“What the fuck do you want, Rosie? Can’t you see I’m busy.” Parker quipped annoyingly.

“Mom and dad want to cut the cake” Rosie responded.

“Ugh fine. Give us 10 mins” knowing he will be finished in that time.

“No, you can fuck your bimbo of a girlfriend later.” Rosie said, receiving a grimace from Charlotte.

“Don’t you fucking talk about her like that! Fuck off!” Parker yelled as Henry and Rosie left. Both of the kids had inherited Tom’s angry side.

“Well, you can explain to mom and dad you were late because you were balls deep in in your whore,” Rosie said walking away.

The moments leading up to the end of Parker’s innocence were fleeting. In more ways than one. He wasn’t a virgin even before that evening but, Parker could imagine the task he was supposed to accomplish. The 3 tier chocolate raspberry ganache cake had been cut and distributed to the guests. Happy birthday had been sung to Rosie and Parker. Parker tried to go off with Charlotte again, but Harrison stopped him and brought him to the Tom’s office.

“They’re in there,” Harrison whispered.

“Who?” Parker asked Harrison who was like his uncle.

“Just go,” Parker opened the door to see his mother and his dad sat behind the desk. The door shut behind him.

“Mom? Dad? What’s going on here?” Parker hesitated.

“Son, sit down,” Tom said, knowing this wasn’t going to be easy.

“We have to talk to you.” You interjected.

“Parker, as part of this family, there are certain responsibilities you have to take. It is a tradition in our family that at the age of 16, the sons are brought to light about the dealings of our family and what is expected of you,” Tom said as Parker grew wary. Not really understanding what his parents were trying to convey.

Throughout his entire life, he had his suspicions about his family. Wondering why men followed them everywhere, even on trips to the store for eggs. Why his parents went to work but have never seen their office, only heard it referred to as “the warehouse.” Why everything was always so damm secretive. Scared if he accidentally let some enormous family secret slip with his big mouth there would be repercussions. Never not scared of the harm that could come to his family.

“Your father, is the leader of a very powerful mob. I am part of it too, not just as wife but as his partner. There will be day when he will longer be in position of boss and you will take over,” you asserted playing off of Tom’s words.

“Our family is not only the owners of one of the world’s richest exporting company, we also do business with casinos and own multiple hotel chains. Sometimes our work brings us above the law, but the connections we have are what keep us alive.” Tom explained trying to preserve his son’s innocence.

“Why are you telling me all this?” Parker stuttered.

“Because it is time. Time for you to step up and take your place in this family. You’ve had 16 years of juvenile fun and now this is what has to be done.” Tom concluded.

“What if I don’t want this life. You don’t think I don’t know what happens behind closed doors here. All the times dad has come home with a black eye or blood on his knuckles. Why fuck isn’t Rosie here? She is the same age as me, WE ARE TWINS! Why am I the only one who has to do this. I don’t want to kill for sport like you and mom!” Parker screamed. He couldn’t handle this anymore. There was too much information he had to process.

“Do not raise your voice at your mother! Tom screamed.

“Dad, I had dreams and hopes. I wanted to go to college and travel. Find a nice girl and marry her. Experience the kind of love you and mom have. What you are asking me to do, flushes all that away. You are asking me to give up on my life.

So that’s it, I don’t have a choice,” Parker begged.

“Baby, you have a choice. Nothing is set in stone,” you said rubbing his arm.

“Y/N, you damm well know what will happen if he turns this down,” Tom yelled.

“Maybe this life works for you two, but I don’t want this kind of life. My answer is no. Find someone else.”

“Parker, you know I can’t do that. Take a couple days and think about it” Tom answered trying to stay calm.

“NO DAD! My answer is final, I’m not going to be your apprentice to carry on this heinous family legacy!” Parker exploded. It was too much.

“If you aren’t willing to do what is asked of you, then you can forget about being in this family!” Tom screamed. He did exactly what he said he wouldn’t, he gave his son an ultimatum. Parker couldn’t handle it anymore and left. Needing to forget about the fact he no longer had a say. He was stuck.

It was just Tom and you sitting in the study. They couldn’t understand where the conversation had gone. All their hopes for tonight went out the window along with potted plant Tom threw when Parker stormed out.

“Tom, you can’t force him. You can’t do what your father did to you to him.” You tried to say in a loving tone but it came out as stern.

“IM NOT, Y/N!!!” Tom screamed. He had fucked up. The words spoken tonight have rewritten his relationship with his son.

“Alright.” You whispered trying to calm your fuming husband down.

“I’m sorry I raised my voice, baby.” Tom’s tone immediately changed once he heard the softness of your voice. You just nodded in response

“Tommy?” You asked hoping Tom was now ok.

“Yes, love” Tom said.

“He’ll come around. I can promise you that.”

“I know, darling. That’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Then what?” a look of confusion grew on your face.

He handed you a paper, the same one that was found on Daniel’s body, saying “Eclipsing of the Hollands. Let the show begin. Better watch your back.”

It was threat. A play to eventually be made on his life or the life of his family and you all had no idea who was behind it.

Guns, Glamour, and Goodfellas Series Masterlist

#tom holland #tom holland imagines #tom holland series #tom holland fanfic #tom holland mob au #tom holland au #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #Dad!Mob!Tom Holland #Mob!Tom #mobster #Mob!tom holland x reader #mob!tom x reader

[balanchine-ballet-master]

NYCB 2022–23 Season

New York City Ballet has released its programs for the 2022–2023 season(s). The good news for Balanchine fans is that they will be doing 23 of the master’s works. The breakdown is below; numbers in parentheses indicate the number of performances of each ballet.

Fall 2022 (September 20–October 16) Apollo (3) Divertimento #15 (5) Duo Concertant (3) Episodes (5) Raymonda Variations (5) Scotch Symphony (5) La Sonnambula (5) Stravinsky Violin Concerto (4) Symphony in C (6) Symphony in Three Movements (3) Tchaikovsky pas de deux (2) Vienna Waltzes (5)

Winter 2023 (January 17–February 26) (includes 2 weeks of The Sleeping Beauty) Allegro Brillante (6) Donizetti Variations (6) Episodes (5) Haieff Divertimento (6) Stravinsky Violin Concerto (6) Valse Fantaisie (6) Walpurgisnacht Ballet (6)

Spring 2023 (April 18–May 28) Agon (4) Concerto Barocco (7) Donizetti Variations (5) Kammermusik #2 (7) La Source (6) Raymonda Variations (4) Square Dance (5) Swan Lake (5)

Associate Artistic Director Wendy Whelan called the programming "a vitamin shot of what we’ve been known for,” meaning, presumably, Balanchine, as well as new works. She said the focus would be on “very big and very team-oriented ballets.” This is exactly what the company needs now, after a year and a half of Covid-caused hiatus and a shaky year back in the saddle.

The choices are mostly good ones, although I question the inclusion of Vienna Waltzes. It certainly gets a lot of dancers onstage, but doesn’t give them much classical dancing to do. And I’m pleased that most of the ballets are being done 5 or 6 times a season, more if you count performances in more than one season. Dancers need time to absorb and take in the lessons these ballets have to teach them.

Fall 2022 Season Calendar

Winter 2023 Season Calendar

Spring 2023 Season Calendar

#New York City Ballet #NYCB #ballet #Balanchine #2022-23 season

[kocrecs]

we all know this post is long overdue, but I’ve finally finished it ! if you would like a preview of the finished product, here is the doc & spotify playlist.

I put the post under a read more since it got a little longer than I thought it would be.

I put a lot of planning into my albums so I can make sure they sound somewhat believable. I usually start with a theme for the entire album and leave the concepts to be by song unless I want everything to sound more similar. for today I will be following the theme of love and the different types/stages ! I also like to think of songs that will fit the time period of release, some songs released in 2021 may not be as popular in 2015 or songs released in 2015 may be loved in 2021, if that makes sense. I like to use rollin’ by brave girls as a relevant example of this !

as for naming the album, it usually comes to me as I’m working on finding songs or it comes from the character’s story, or I’ll just use the title track.

when it comes to the formatting of the tracks, I usually look at pre-existing albums to get a feel for track numbers & track layouts. not all albums are structured the same and you should take advantage of that !

a few of the structures I use a lot are the standard mini-album (5-6 songs, no intro or outro) like bambi by baekhyun, the blackpink mini-album (4 songs + a remix, maybe) like kill this love by blackpink, the single album (1-2 songs) like -r- by rosie, the standard album (7-10 tracks, may have an interlude or intro) like neo zone from nct 127, and the “I’m going to release all of my songs for the year at once” album (10-20+ songs) like querencia by chungha.

I’m going to be following chungha’s querencia album with the 4-part 21-track structure, but I’ve added 3 more tracks to even out the parts.

since I’m following querencia’s structure, I’ve decided to pick 4 strong title tracks with b-sides to fit under their individual sounds rather than forcing the album to fit one sound.

first off I’m going to decide what my “sides” will be so I can better fit the theme.

side a : self

the “self” side of free me is all about empowering oneself and expressing self-love in your own ways.

the title track for this side will be bicycle since I think of it as a very empowering song that boost anyone’s confident with one listen. the song has such a unique sound with the bell and vocals that I found it a little difficult to find similar sounding songs.

our b-sides consist of no (clc), breakdown (clc), cry for me (twice), and shut up & groove (heize ft. dean).

I chose no because of the strong message behind it and the layout of certain parts reminded me of the vocal layout in bicycle. breakdown is from the same album as no, which helps with the transition between vibes of tracks. I love the story of breakdown since some times the best form of self-love is removing yourself from relationships that are dragging you down.

I thought cry for me followed the sound of breakdown really well and the key helped with the transition to shut up & groove a lot. you may be wondering about what I’ll do with the featuring artist: I usually pick someone that means a lot to the characters’ stories and if the voice could fit well with the face (of the person used in place of the og featured artist).

side b : savage

I may have taken this side directly from chungha’s album, but I thought it fit well with the “hard to get”/ kinda tsundere vibe ?? if that makes any sense.

the title track for this side will be good girl since hyuna’s message of refusing to fit in with social norms fits very well with the message I’m working to create with this side.

our b-sides are dream of you, uh-oh, hip, and room shaker. I usually try to avoid giving group songs to a soloist, but I really thought hip fit with the theme of good girl. uh-oh seemed to fit well with the overarching theme of playing hard to get, I decided to make this song a collaboration so I wouldn’t feel as bad about it. I also added room shaker because the song has that loud in-your-face kind of sound with a lot of confidence behind the vocals. if you haven’t heard it, I highly recommend it !

side c : love

I wanted this side to have a slower, more chilled out vibe than the previous two, but with room to keep the energy when it’s appropriate.

the title track for this side will be naughty since the song is very energetic, but also carries a nice message that fits the theme. irene & seulgi’s album is full of bangers, I think everyone should listen to them.

our b-sides are x, and july, hell in heaven, and flying on faith. all of these songs were chosen based on their energy and take on love. I don’t want to accidentally repeat myself a lot between these sections, so I’ll just keep my explanations shorter for this and the last one. I think hell in heaven is one of the best songs for this side since it goes so well with naughty’s energy.

side d : hate

for hate, I focused less on that hatred for another person and more on what the hatred of oneself from the outside creates.

the title track for this side will be devil. the song deals a lot with being pushed to the edge and having no more patience for the trash from another person.

our b-sides are noir, don’t know you, liar, and you never know. each of these songs either deal with trying to stop the hate by fitting in with everyone (noir), regretting the way you have treated someone because you’re facing karma (don’t know you), what hate can do to a person if pushed too far (liar), or a cry for it to stop (you never know).

I usually struggle with how to order the songs for a little bit, but I found out that listening to them one after another helps me find good places with transitions between certain songs. the also works with releases as well ! seasons help a lot with determining when an album should be released. I tend to go off when the song was originally released or what kind of vibe it gives me.

this is the order I decided on for this album

side a : love

bicycle

no

breakdown

cry for me

shut up & groove (ft. chanyeol of exo)

side b : savage

dream of you

uh-oh (ft. seulgi of red velvet)

good girl

hip

room shaker

side c : love

x

and july (ft. kai of exo)

naughty (ft. karina of aespa)

hell in heaven

flying on faith

side d : hate

devil

noir

don’t know you

liar

you never know

#resources : music #music : album building #I hope this was at least a lil helpful #if you would like to see more of these in the future lmk !!! <3

[tscmu]

Some headcanons for the Hq boys and how they propose to their s/o?

HI YES THIS IS THE KIND OF STUFF I LOVE WRITING ABOUT PLS okay so u didnt really specify which boys so im gonna go for ones that i can picture proposing that sounded weird ok-

characters; koushi sugawara, satori tendou, kenma kozume, osamu miya + tooru oikawa oK LETS GO

koushi sugawara

- pls he’d make it so heartfelt and meaningful HHH I LOVE HIM~ - he’d want to make you feel how much he loved you, like actually feel it in your heart - i feel like he’d tell a FEW people, probably only get daichi to help AHAHAH - bruh asahi would probably have a mental breakdown and tanaka would snitch💔💔 - but he’d have an idea of what you both wanted i think, you wouldve spoken it over before defos - he’d want it to not be that public, just the two of you - so it’d be at like a hiking trail you both go on or something, a place that means loads to both of you but isn’t there for the world to see - and then...…came the day - he knew how much you picked up on little details so he had to be sneak sneak ten thousand™ - “hey, wanna go out on that one walk up *insert name of place idk*? ok ok ok i’ll get ur coat sugar” - EEEEEEEEEEE - he was trying his absolute best to keep it together - he knew you’d most likely say yes, so he wasn’t TOO scared, but it was still SCARY LIKE- - and then u got to the place he wanted to propose - it was this place where you always stopped, where there was a little bench (with your initials STILL carved into it from all those years ago) and it looked out over a nice view - “ooh, can we stop here again!” “u-huh i was actually gonna ask-” - bro he almost forgot the speech daichi read over to him about 20 times - but HE DID IT WOOOO - he didn’t want to make a MASSIVE deal out of it, the wedding would be more important to him but he still wanted to make you know how much he adored you - speech included lots of memories dating even back to before hed even SPOKEN to you i stg this man - AND U SAID YES!!! u have no choice. u did.

satori tendou

- i feel like he’d be kINDA similar to suga?? - a little less caring - he’d never actually pictured himself getting married tbf- - he never thought he’d actually find the right person so he just....gave up idk - BUT THEN YOU CAME INTO HIS LIFE- - even with you he hadn’t really thought about marriage, he was just focused on having fun with you, but then ushijima was like ‘...so, tendou. when is the wedding commencing between you and y/n.” and he just- - it was actually when they were sitting there he started to plan it - ushijima would SEEM like the worst person to go to, but he was actually quite good at this stuff - so in about 2 hours sat at the back door of tendou’s work, they had sketched out a sort of plan on the back of a spare napkin - there was one main thing he knew he wanted to talk about - how you always stuck by him, no matter what he did - he thought he’d seriously fucked up, and you would be back at his door the next day, smiling and chattering about this new café you heard opened down the road - god, he was terrified to even mention paris to you, but you were so up for the idea, it took him by shock - he didn’t take you for granted - so for once, he wanted to make you feel loved - they couldn’t think of a place to take you for ages, but then it hit them - you and tendou always went to wakatoshi’s games, ever since high school you both always made the commute if you had the time - and ushijima had a game coming up in two weeks...…. - when he mentioned it OFC U WERE DOWN PLS, you loved going back to japan - like ofc france was incredible but......... it was just lovely to see everyone again ;-; - since youd been there so much, you basically just got to stand right at the side of the court AHAHAH - so they won the game. obviously. its ushi and kags we’re talking abt here. are you kidding. then tendou started acting weird, which made u hella sus - it was the first time in what felt like years you’d seen him so...nervy - he kept fumbling over his words, you had to yell at him to speak up - but eventually he did it - he spoke abt how much you meant to him, how you made him more comfortable in his own body, how you stuck by him through everything - AND U SAID YES. AGAIN, U HAVE NO CHOICE. - and yes ushi and kags started cheering and the news outlets put u on the news i dont make the rules ok

kenma kozume

- ok mans is TERRIFIED - he’d quite genuinely never thought about marriage, throughout his years with you by his side it just...never crossed his mind - but it was when you were lying in bed one night, his arm dangled over you as you both drifted in and out of sleep - and it just hit him - why the fuck were you both still like this? - marriage was something you always expressed a love for, when kuroo got married you were basically in a trance the whole time - how was he so unaware? - people described kuroo’s proposal as pretty much perfect, he’d always been good at reading his partner, so he just used that knowledge to make something he knew they’d like - so, to kenma’s extreme distaste, he went to kuroo - oh my god kuroo fucking c r i e d - kenma was finally ‘growing up’ - so after about an hour of kuroo sobbing, they finally got down to business - after lots of.. lets say elaborate ideas from kuroo, and lots of no's from kenma, they finally came to a sort of compromise - since you and kuroo worked in the same department, he would text you on saturday simply asking if you wanted to catch coffee and talk about that one assignment - obviously, you said yes - not thinking anything of it, you just pulled on a jumper and jeans AHAH- - then you notice,,,why tf is he taking u to a beach at 7pm in march???? - #serialkillerkurooheadcanons - but u see kenma and ur like... wtf have u gotten yourself into- - have they been possessed?? who knowz - and then u get BLINDFOLDED LIKE WHAT - but then u snap back down to earth like why would they kidnap u- - as kuroo takes it off, kenma’s quite literally shaking - poor babie - he never really knew how to explain his thoughts properly, so the speech wasn’t anything extremely dramatic and/or romantic - but he did in a way tell you how much you meant to him - he spoke abt how you boost his confidence, have always been there whenever he needed you, and how you seem to always understand him when he’s being at his most blunt - therefore he thinks you’re his soulmate - PLSPLSPL IM CRYING

osamu miya

- i think he always knew he wanted to marry you - atsumu always embarassed him about it- - it got to the point you didn’t actually think he’d propose, you would just wake up one day and a wedding dress would be on the door - but it got to the point where tsumu was mentioning it significantly more when you went over for dinner - mama miya was always telling you how happy she was that samu picked you - even your own parents were being oddly warmer towards samu, whenever they phoned they asked how he was, etc etc - so you knew something was up - samu was always really polite to your parents, asked their permission before he even took you out on a date - ironic because you lived together but still- - so turned out, he actually mentioned proposing to you to them - they adored him for gods sake so of course they said yes - then tsumu thought he was acting weird, so he told his side - jesus christ they freaked out - his parents were always nervous about atsumu, who slept with random people on the weekends, and hadn’t been in a proper relationship since middle school - you were basically their god send AHAHA - so it was a massive deal when he wanted to marry you - it would appear that he didn’t really care, but in honesty it meant the wholeass world to him - like suga, he’d go for a location that meant a lot to both of you - christmas was a huge deal for both your families, they both came together and you had an incredible time - and last year some of the jackals came over, which was just hilarious - so what better time than christmas with your loved ones around you??? - it started off like a normal christmas, you had an incredible dinner ( cooked by none other than osamu ((with atsumu and bokuto attempting to sabotage it but just burning their hands on the pot)) ) then all played some games - but it was when you were all watching the basic christmas tv programmes when the atmosphere... changed - everyone was looking at you and samu, even sakusa looked excited - it was when his father muted the tv, and samu took your hand, your heart was basically beating out your chest. - he spoke about how he felt like, for the entirety you’d been together for, every day he seemed to fall more in love with you. you were like his rock, when things were even a bit off he could just come to you and you’d automatically make him happier even just by looking at you - bruh bokuto and hinata were sobbing in the corner

tooru oikawa

- surprising, but he never thought about marriage - he just kind of assumed he’d be one of those people that would be in a relationship for like a week then just.. move on to another person idk - that was until he ran into you - everyone, even his own parents, said he was a different person when he started dating you - it was ironic, you were quite similar to him - yet you made him rethink his fucking morals  - it was sappy asf - ANYWAY BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND - he took this proposal really seriously, he wanted it to be the best moment of your whole life - until the wedding ofc ofc - since you’d basically changed him as a person, he wanted this to just show his appreciation for everything you’d ever done for him - he wanted you to feel his love - and so he set about preparing a good proposal - he’d be like osamu, and definitely ask your parents first - your parents loved him anyway, they thought he was the best thing that’d happened to you for a long while - he basically knew what he wanted to do - nothing too public, but nothing too quiet - whats the point of proposing if some people dont see am i right??? - sometimes when you both either a) needed a break or b) you both had a period of time where you were free, you both just booked an impromptu holiday AHAHHA - #richkidtingz - so obvs he had to do it on one of them... it was ur thing after all?? - it was when you walked in the door, face red, and flopped down on the sofa next to him, he grasped the opportunity - “..got any spare holidays from work?” - you quickly went on a travel agent website and booked a three day holiday to brazil, leaving the next morning - it was one of your favourite places to just escape to, so it made sense for him to propose there tbf - it was as you both woke up the first morning there, still sleepy from the night before, you grinned at eachother. - “hey.. get ready quick, i wanna do something.” “wHAT-” - he didn’t actually know where to do it, he just called a taxi and asked for your favourite high street HAHAH - after about an hour of browsing around shops, your hand never out of his, you finally asked ‘what did you want to do?’ - his breathing almost stopped i stg, he didn’t realise how scared he was - but then... HE DID IT POGGERS - he stuck to what he knew he wanted to speak about, making you sob in the process ofc - and even all the locals congratulated you!!!

--------

HI THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY BUT I LOVED WRITING IT PLS!! THANK U FOR REQUESTING da box is always open mwah

#im sorry this is so long #but it was fun to write so fuck off #yes i listened to adore you while writing this #yes it made me cry #we dont talk about it #haikyuu #haikyu #haikyu!! #haikyū!! #haikyuu!! #sugawara #hq sugawara #hq #hq imagines #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hc #hq hc #hq headcanons #tendo #tendou #kenma #oikawa #tooru oikawa #osamu #osamu miya #miya osamu #kozume kenma #kenma kozume

[fvrxdrm]

City of the Living Dead

Chapter 6

"September 28, 2:30 am... It's down to just me and 3 others. No weapons...no ammo...and too many skirmishes have drained us mentally and physically. We're not gonna make it... Officer Phillips once suggested we escape through the sewers. Apparently, there's a secret tunnel under this place left over from its museum days. I brushed her idea off before, but now, it's not sounding all that bad. Yeah, there's no proof there's even a tunnel or that the sewers aren't infested with zombies, but I don't wanna sit here and wait to die, either. It's a long shot, but I'm gonna try to find out what I can about that tunnel... Elliot Edward," you read, "Shit. Rest in peace, buddy." You placed the transcript back to where you found it and proceeded in scanning the room you and Leon were in.

It was an office of some sort with mahogany desks occupying the center, swivel chairs pointing towards every direction, some paperworks piled in a stack and some (or rather most) cluttered all over the tables and floor. It looked like a hurricane together with an earthquake and a tsunami clashed and crashed in the area.

"Leon, w-" your head twisted and turned as you looked for best friend and even called out to him when you found him just staring at something on the ceiling, his trembling lips pinned in between pearly-white teeth, eyebrows furrowed upwards, and eyes looking like a dam was about to breakdown because of too much pressure. You went towards where he was standing and followed his gaze. You gasped. He was looking at stringed triangle banners with letters printed out on each of them

WEL COME LEON

Your face began to mirror Leon's but a pained smile differentiated yours from his as a sudden rush of memory enlightened your brain. "Hey, look, the design's the same as the banner I surprised you with when we were 15," you said, raising an arm to point at the triangular flags.

Leon chuckled softly at what you said and nodded while a sneaky tear flowed down his cheek in a tiny stream. "Yeah."

"Come on, Leon! I worked hard for this." You hauled on your friend's wrist and led him towards his room with a strain as Leon's languor held him back.

"This better be good, Y/N. You fucking woke me up and I'm really close to fucking strangling you." His voice was a little hoarse from having just woken up right before you pulled him off of the couch and he was still lowkey tired because of the three-hour rest he had last night, but as much as he wanted to throw you out of his house and fall into a well-deserved slumber again, he was into surprises and was curious as to what you had in store. So, he went along with it even though he was pretty much a sloth still.

"I promise you'll love it." You chortled.

Leon sighed in defeat before loosening up and letting you pull him towards where you wanted to take him for this so-called surprise with a rub of his crusty eyes.

When a familiar door came into view in front of you, you covered Leon's eyes with one of your hands and twisted the door knob, revealing a bedroom with a banner hovering over Leon's messy bed, before lightly pushing him inside.

"All right, here we are," you spoke as you removed your hand from your face, moving right beside him to watch Leon's face as it shifted from being enraptured to crestfallen real quick. You guffawed in a boisterous way at his reaction and plummeted down to the ground whilst clutching your stomach in a joyful pain.

YOU SUCK LEON

"Really, Y/N? This-this is what you wanted to show me?"

"It's true though, you actually suck!"

"Come on, you know you only won in Street Fighter because I let you," he whined. You stood up from being laid on the floor before clutching onto Leon's shoulder for dear life.

"For 20 times? Really?" You laughed again, "nah, you just suck, bro."

Leon narrowed his eyes at you with lips pressing tightly in a thin line and turned towards you, his feet moving slowly in tandem as he approach you with a spurious anger, his hands closing into fists.

"What?" You asked with a nervous chuckle and feet backing up in rhythm with his laggard advances.

"You think I suck?" His voice imitated a dark tone. Had you not been slightly scared - which you hated to admit - you would've busted a gut at how ridiculous it sounded.

"I mean, yeah, it's already said in the banner, dimwitt."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Well, let's see who sucks now!"

Welp, that's my cue!

You dodged Leon's attack by the skin of your teeth, stumbling on a stupid pencil for a bit, before proceeding to run around the house to avoid Leon's "spider fingers" as you call it and making a tiny bit of a mess. However, your luck has gone away and he eventually caught you when you accidentally tripped over the leg of a chair, throwing you into his bed and tickling each spot that would make you squirm and and laugh.

"I still suck, huh?"

"N-no, fine...y-you don't...s-suck," you cried in between heavy breaths and hysterics. Satisfied with your remark, Leon stopped his fingers from moving and plopped down beside you, taking a moment to catch his breath before he pulled you closer to his body and spooned you. "You still couldn't win yesterday though."

"Yeah, well, I know a million ways to win your heart though."

"Fuck off, Le-le." Leon tsked at the nickname.

"Y/N, that sounds awful as fuck."

"Whatever." You felt his lashes kiss the nape of your neck as he closed his eyes to give them another four hours of rest, your own following afterwards when you heard Leon's muffled voice vibrate against your shirt.

"Hey, you wanna be my date for homecoming?"

"I thought you already asked Lexee to be your date."

"Dante already asked her out, so..."

"Okay, fine, I'll be your date." You squeezed his hand before intertwining your fingers with his and smiling when you felt him kiss your hair.

"Thanks, Y/N. Good night."

"It's 10 in the morning, dumba-"

"Shh... Rock-a-bye baby..."

"You do suck though." You light-heartedly nudged Leon's side and wrinkled your eyes in a grin, chuckling when he returned the gesture with a titter.

"I really don't," he retorted back.

"Sure." You took his hand in yours and gently squeezed it in a comforting way to ease the two of you before placing a feather's kiss on the back of it. "Come on, we still have a job to do."

*****

Leon S. Kennedy, we're putting you on a very special case for your first assignment. Your mission is...to unlock your desk! The key to your success is in the initials of our first names. Input the letters in order of our desks. There are 2 locks- 1 on each side of your desk. Make sure you get them both. Basically, your first task is to remember your fellow officers' names, but you figured that much out, right? Good luck, Leon. By the way, it might take a little work to get Scott to give you a straight answer.

Lieutenant Branagh

Scrawled in a corner between drops of blood on the paper was an additional note the lieutenant had written while he and his fellow officers were isolated and trapped, and it read:

Be glad you're not here, rookie.

"Remember your fellow officers' names..."

"I think that means the initials of my supposedly co-workers' names should be the password to open these locks on my desk." Leon stood up from where he was knelt down on the floor and casted around from desk to desk, unlocking the padlocks on his table and claiming the prize after accomplishing his "first assignment" - a magazine for his beloved Matilda.

You smiled when Leon pulled out the gun he's had since the beginning of his adult years, another retention reminding you of the peaceful days you once had before you started walking right into confusion.

Matilda was a gift Leon's father had given him on his 18th birthday, a few months before he died of cancer. He was happy about it, and knowing how his family had supported his decision on him becoming a cop, his heart fluttered inside and he couldn't be more grateful about it. Leon held onto it everyday, even becoming a bit hesitant about leaving it behind whenever he went to school. And when his father passed away because of said illness, he grasped onto the weapon the same way he did when his dad was still alive, if not more.

"Happy birthday, Leon. Happy birthday, Leon. Happy birthday, happy birthday... Happy birthday, Leon... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LEON!"

Leon's cheeks stretched in an almost painful way as everyone erupted into cheers and confetti fell from the ceiling. Each person was wearing cone-shaped hats and the living room was decorated with different ornaments colored in his favorite hues. His family was there and so were his friends, and oh, how could he almost forget...

It was his 18th birthday!

"So, what do you think?" You spoke from behind him. He turned around to see you smiling like an idiot and tugging on the string of a party you picked up from the floor.

"This," he began. "This is amazing! Wh-"

"Well, son, the candle's almost melting. Wanna make a wish?" Leon's dad emerged from behind the small crowd with a three-layered cake balanced on top of his palms. The icing of the pastry was blue, edible police-related finishing touches garnished it with such perfection he almost didn't want to eat it for the sake of admiring and staring at the cake, and a single candle formed into the number 18 as an emphasis to his recent age was placed on top with a tiny flame dancing around in the air. Leon closed his eyes and wished for the best before blowing the candle, watching as the fire disappeared into a swirling smoke. Everyone rejoiced once again.

When voices had began dying down one by one, Leon's father called his name and picked up a box from underneath the table after placing the cake down where it wouldn't fall down.

"Leon, you're going to be attending the police academy soon and in the next few years you'll be the cop you always wanted. So, as a gift, I give you this gun." He opened the rectangular cardboard box where a gun laid and presented it to his child, Leon's eyes sparkling in delight at his very own weapon. "I know you'll be taking good care of Matilda."

"Matilda?" Leon asked in confusion.

"You know, like, Mathilda from Leon: The Professional," his dad replied. Leon chuckled in response before he carefully took the gun out of its container, still a bit iffy about touching it.

"I'll be taking good care of this, dad."

"I know you will."

"You still have that gun?" You spoke as you gestured towards his firearm.

"Yep, she still looks good as new. I didn't want to break my promise," Leon responded. He turned his gun around to show you just how much he kept it safe like a mother would to a child. Your E/C orbs twinkled in admiration, a feeling in your heart you had kept for a very long time flittering in a joyous manner for the first time since you last saw him.

"Nothing's really changed, huh?"

"I don't want to change anything for now...especially now that you're back here with me."

*****

So, I found this image on google and an idea suddenly popped into my head lmao.

Anyway, WE'RE BACK! I was busy in school blah blah blah. I think yall know that already.

#leonkennedy #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy imagines #leon s kennedy x reader #leonxreader #leon kennedy x you #resident evil #residentevil2 #resident evil fanfic #leon kennedy #leon kennedy fanfic