#actually i take it back i have all the correct opinions suck my nuts

[xoxobuckybarnes]

The Last Ride

January 14, 2013. Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago make a bet, hoping to prove once and for all who is the best detective of the 99th Precinct. Jake bets his car, because losing the “chick magnet’ (as Charles insists it is), would be the worst thing in the world for Jake. For Amy? The worst thing in the world would be being one of those chicks in Jake’s car.

But, when Amy wins the bet, one year later, she still finds herself as one of those chicks in Jake’s car. Is it really the worst thing in the world?

Written for @stolethekey for #b99summer2021ficexchange

You can also read it on AO3

Chapter One: The Win

Amy ran into the precinct, grabbing a perp by the back of his shirt, her breathing heavy. “Ladies and Gentlemen,” she announced. “I present Carl Laudson, who stole $3,000.” She looked down at her watch to confirm the time before triumphantly continuing. “Santiago takes the lead with one minute left. Suck it, Peralta.”

Exactly one year ago, Jake and Amy made a bet to see who could get the most felony arrests, thus proving once and for all who was the better detective. Jake bet his car, his most cherished possession in the world. Charles insisted that losing such a total “chick magnet” would be the worst thing in the world for Jake. Thus, since being “one of those chicks in Jake’s car” would be the worst thing in the world for Amy, if Jake won, she would have to go on the worst date in the world with him. There was no way she was going to lose. Unfortunately, Jake had the same intensity about winning.

All year long, they had been going back and forth. As of this morning, they were tied. Both got to work, doing everything possible to take the lead. Amy couldn’t believe that she was about to win.

“Oh no,” Jake responded, panicked.

“That’s right ‘oh no.’”

Jake started grabbing folders from his desk, urgently flipping through them, hoping to find something, anything. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Not going to happen. Time to admit defeat in 10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1! Your car is mine. Hand over the keys,” Amy victoriously demanded.

“This can’t be happening,” Jake moaned, reluctantly handing over his keys to Amy. Just as she was about to take the keys from him, he snatched his hand back. “Please, can I just have one last night with my car? I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye to her.”

Amy furrowed her brows. “I don’t know if I trust you…”

Jake placed both hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look right at him. “I promise, I’ll give you the car. You won the bet, fair and square, and I’m not one to be a sore loser.” (Amy raised her eyebrows in disbelief at that). “I just want one last night so I can really say goodbye.”

Amy looked at Jake intensely. He looked so sincere, a trait that was not common for Jake. Although she didn’t know what it was about that hunk of junk that Jake loved so much, she did know that he needed one last night of memories. She shrugged his hands off her shoulders. “Fine, but I’m coming with you.”

A wide grin spread across Jake’s face. “Deal!”

Chapter Two: The Stakeout

Several hours later, Jake picked up Amy in his car.

“So, what do you have planned for tonight?” Amy asked as she slid into the passenger’s seat.

“First, we’ll stop at Shaw’s for Charles’ party,” Jake explained. “Then, I thought we could take a drive upstate. Just see where the road takes us.”

“Awesome.”

The whole squad was at Shaw’s celebrating Charles. Earlier in the day, he had been honored by the NYPD for his bravery when he jumped in front of a bullet heading straight for Rosa just last month. Unfortunately, Charles had fallen off the stage while taking pictures. To relieve himself from the pain, he upped his pain medication, which had the amusing effect of making him very honest.

“Jake! Amy! So glad you stopped by,” Charles greeted them enthusiastically. Jake acknowledged Charles with a nod and then headed to the bar to get a drink for him and Amy, leaving her alone with Charles. Charles leaned in closer to Amy, raised his eyebrows and whispered, “You and Jake look so good together.”

Amy did not appreciate the weird look that Charles was giving her, insinuating that Jake and she made a cute couple. Jake was one of her best friends. She loved hanging out with him and competing with him at work. But he was irresponsible and messy and immature. While she did think he was attractive and had once had a small crush on him when they first met, now that she knew him better, there was no way she’d let their relationship be anything more than friendship.

She was relieved when Jake rejoined them, handing her a beer.

Charles wiggled his eyebrows as he said, “I’ll leave you two alone,” in an unpleasantly high-pitched tone.

Jake looked at Amy confused. “What was that about?”

“Nothing,” Amy insisted before quickly changing the subject. “So, shall we go find a seat?”

She followed Jake to a table where they sat with Gina and Rosa. They talked about memories in Jake’s car, sharing both fun and horror stories. Just as Jake and Amy were getting ready to leave, the Captain called Jake over.

“So, small change in plans,” Jake said, walking back over to Amy. “Duty calls before we take off on our road trip.”

Half an hour later, Amy found herself sitting in Jake’s car in a sketchy side street staking out a warehouse.

“Sorry our road trip has been delayed,” Amy said to Jake. “But it’s still your last night with the car. Come sunrise, I’m the proud owner.”

Jake nodded. “Well, at least I’m still getting a night in the car. A stakeout is still a pretty awesome way to say goodbye.”

“I’m glad you think that,” Amy replied.

Amy looked around the street they were on. It was pretty dark, and it was hard to see anything. She was a little nervous that they’d miss the suspects because they couldn’t see very well. Clearly Jake was thinking the same thing.

“Hey, those people left that door open.” Jake nodded towards the building across the street from the one they were staking out. “I bet there’s a better vantage point from the roof.”

“Hmm. And I bet it doesn’t smell like old cheese,” Amy said, taking a low blow at Jake’s car.

“Okay, that’s hurtful,” Jake said. “Shall we?”

“Yeah,” Amy responded, keen to get out of the car.

Up on the roof, Amy found two crates. She carried them close to the edge of the roof and placed them down for her and Jake to sit on.

Jake, who was standing higher up on the roof declared, “Man, I don’t know how Batman does it. It is super scary up here.”

Amy laughed at Jake’s confession as he called out, “Hey, will you grab the binoculars? They’re in my stakeout bag.”

Amy rummaged through his bag, searching for his binoculars. “You’re stake out bag is 98% nuts,” she informed him.

“I get snacky,” Jake argued. “Besides, nuts are super healthy. They’re like 0% fat.”

“Jake, that’s not true at all. It’s actually the opposite.”

“What! That nut vendor lied to me?” Jake retorted in mock outrage.

Amy laughed. Jake was a grown man. How could he be so uninformed about the world? If it wasn’t so sad, she might have found his cluelessness endearing.

Jake held up the binoculars to his eyes. Amy looked closely out onto the street below them, taking in every detail of the area that she could, looking for anything suspicious going on.

“I think a pigeon just flew out of your car,” she informed Jake.

“Yeah,” Jake responded, not sounding surprised. “The windows don’t exactly roll up.”

Amy took a deep breath, wondering if she should tell Jake what she was thinking, about how awful his, or rather her, car was. Deciding there was nothing to lose by stating her honest opinion, she declared, “The car’s a piece of crap. Why do you love it so much?”

Jake sighed. Amy knew he was about to tell a story.

“You really want to know?”

She nodded.

“I was two days out of the academy, super nervous. I saw this guy run out of a bodega clutching a bunch of cash. So, I pursued him, on foot. Eleven blocks. Finally catch him, cuff him, throw him up against that car. Turned out there was a ‘for sale’ sign in the window. And it being the best day of my life, I bought it. Thus, began the debt.”

“’Crushing debt,’” Amy corrected him, recalling his words a year ago when they had made the bet.

Jake nodded enthusiastically and smiled as he replied, “Yeah. You do know me.”

She found Jake’s story about his beloved car heartwarming. For a moment, he had been vulnerable with her, admitting to being nervous, an emotion she had never known him to experience. Sure, it was stupid to go into debt over a car, especially one that was such a piece of shit. But, in Jake’s situation, it was pretty sweet. For the first time since she’d know him, she saw a sincere side of Jake. She couldn’t help but find it the tiniest bit attractive.

“Nut?” she asked, trying to distract herself from the unpleasant thought she’d just had.

“Only if you throw it,” Jake insisted.

“Ready? Ready?” she asked, preparing to toss a nut towards Jake.

“Mmm-hmm,” he hummed.

She threw it and he caught it in his mouth with ease. “Nice.”

Amy held the bag out towards Jake, and he took a nut. “Ready?”

“Uh-uh.”

Jake tossed the nut into the air. Amy tried her best, turning her head to the side. Ultimately, she failed to catch it in her mouth. Jake started laughing. “What are you doing? Trying to catch it in your nose?”

Amy laughed too, catching onto Jake’s contagious laughter.

Confident that she could catch a nut in her mouth, she declared, “I got it. I got it. I got it.”

They were interrupted by Jake’s phone ringing. He stood up and walked away as he said, “All right. It’s Holt. Keep practicing.”

Amy took another nut out of the bag, and threw it up into the air, again, failing to catch it. She took one more nut, trying, and failing yet again. Suddenly, she had an idea, she grabbed a handful of nuts and tossed them all in the air. Surely, she was bound to catch one of them. She was quite pleased with herself when she managed to get a nut in her mouth.

“What did Holt want?” Amy asked as Jake rejoined her.

“Just checking in. How you doing? Any progress?”

Amy was excited to show off to Jake her new ability to catch a nut in her mouth. “Yep, watch.”

She tossed her handful of nuts into the air, catching several of them this time.

“The key is volume,” she said, her mouth full.

Jake smirked. “I see that.”

After several more turns of tossing nuts back and forth to each other, Jake said, “So, be honest. Are you really gonna destroy my car?”

Amy smiled, thinking back on the week. She had constantly implied that she would cause damage against the car, even pretending to find out how she could light it on fire, hoping that the threat of not just losing the ownership of the car, but that the car would physically be gone, would distract Jake from beating her at the bet. Clearly, her strategy had succeeded.

Amy looked closely at Jake. She noticed the slightest tremor in his jaw, his eyes wide with concern. She could tell that he was genuinely concerned about the future status of his car. Now that she knew how much it meant to him, she felt bad about the threats she had made earlier this week.

Again, Amy felt herself feeling a new emotion towards Jake, one that she wasn’t 100% comfortable with. But his vulnerability and sincerity made him more attractive to her.

Ignoring her current confusion of feelings, Amy shook her head. “No, I’m gonna drive it. So, I can learn stick.”

Jake jerked his head towards Amy so fast she was surprised he hadn’t snapped it.

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would. I will,” she teased. “It’ll be like…” Amy started making screeching noises, indicating that she’d intentionally damage the car in her careless attempts to drive it.

“No, no…” Jake suddenly stopped protesting Amy’s mocking as he grabbed at her arm, calling her attention to the action on the street. “Hey, hey.”

Jake pulled Amy down so that they were both crouching on the ground. Amy peered out over the edge, where she saw a truck backing up to the docking station of the building across the street.

“There’s our guys,” Jake said, pointing at the truck that had pulled up down the block from where they were parked.

“What’s the play here?”

“Uhhh…” Jake hesitated.

Amy looked around them, looking for any bit of inspiration. She spotted Jake’s rundown car. Suddenly she had an idea. “Follow my lead.”

Amy took the keys out of Jake’s stakeout bag before she threw the bag to him. She led him down to the car and popped the hood. “Seriously,” she yelled at him. Jake looked confused, so Amy continued. “I told you the car was gonna die. It’s a piece of crap.”

Jake nodded, the slightest hint of a smile displayed on his face before he put his game face on. “Of course, my car is a piece of crap. All my stuff is crap. You have to criticize everything I own, or say, or do,” he barked back, throwing the bag into the back seat with a slam of the door.

Out of the corner of her eye, Amy saw the men at the truck sneaking glances at her and Jake. They would have to get louder, make it impossible for these guys to continue to ignore them.

“Well, when you don’t take care of your shit, we end up in these situations,” she shouted, raising her voice.

“Jeez, I guess I can’t do anything right,” Jake hollered back at her.

Finally, one of the men approached them. “Excuse me,” he said, tentatively. “Is everything alright here?”

“No,” Amy snapped at him. “My boyfriend here didn’t check the car like I told him to.”

Amy had not meant to say ‘boyfriend.’ Honestly. She was just going to pretend that Jake was her friend. That’s all. Where had the word ‘boyfriend’ come from?

“You need a jump?” the guy asked.

Amy looked to Jake and gave a nod. “Yes.”

Jake took over from there, pulling his gun out from the back of his pants. “But first, NYPD, on the ground, you’re under arrest.”

Amy looked over at Jake and smiled. “Nice job.”

“Thanks, you too.” Jake smiled back at Amy.

“Oh snap,” the guy reacted, putting his hands behind his head and kneeling down on the ground. “I’m sad you’re all arresting me, but I gotta say, I’m glad you’re not actually fighting. You all make a cute couple.”

There it was again – the insinuation that she and Jake were a couple. Not even just a couple, but a good one. This time was more alarming though than Charles’ suggestion. Charles knew and loved both Jake and Amy. His insistence that they would be a good couple could just be explained by a man wanting two of his best friends to be happy together. This guy though, well, he didn’t know Jake and Amy, and yet, he saw something between them.

By the time they got the guys to the precinct and completed all the paperwork, it was early in the morning. Jake and Amy were expected back at the precinct for their next shift in only a few hours. A road trip was out of the question.

Jake left the keys on Amy’s desk before he snuck out of the precinct without even saying goodbye. She hadn’t even noticed that he did it. She felt bad that he didn’t get his last night with his car, but she admired his commitment and that he stayed true to his word.

Early the next morning, Captain Holt called Amy into his office. “Good job on the stake out. I’m glad to see you two still work well together despite that ridiculous bet.”

Amy smiled at the Captain’s praise. “Thanks. Me, too.”

“And, I appreciate you turning down the relief team. I’m not sure they could’ve made that bust.”

Amy was confused, unsure about what the Captain was talking about. What relief team? All of a sudden, it dawned on her. That must have been the real reason the Captain had called last night. He wasn’t checking up on them, he was offering another team so that they could get back to Jake’s last night with his car. By why had Jake refused the relief team? He loved his car and she could tell that he really wanted one last night to fill with memories. Why would he trade in that night for one of paperwork?

“Yeah. Right. The relief team.”

Amy left the Captain’s office and paused, looking at Jake. She had the next two days off, and she was positive that Jake also had the same time off. She might have won the bet and now been the fair winner of Jake’s car, but she knew what she had to do. Walking past Jake’s desk, she dropped the keys in front of him.

“Huh?” Jake asked, picking up the keys and tossing them back on Amy’s desk. “You won. The car is yours. Fair and square.”

Amy tossed the keys back to Jake. “I promised you one last road trip with your car, and you didn’t get it. We’re both off tomorrow, I figured we could take your road trip this weekend.”

Jake beamed. “Okay, thanks.”

Amy couldn’t help but beam back. She couldn’t explain why Jake’s joy was making her so happy right now.

Chapter Three: The Road Trip

Thirty-six hours after he was initially meant to give Amy his car, Jake rolled up to her apartment building, ready for one last road trip. Amy heard him honking from her bedroom. She grabbed her backpack and went to meet him outside.

“Yo!” he shouted out the driver’s seat window.

“Yo!” she yelled back as she walked over to the car. After settling into the passenger seat, Jake took off. “So, where are we going?”

Jake fidgeted with the radio before responding to her. The music of Queen came blasting through the speakers. “We’re going East. I thought we could explore Long Island. Anywhere we want to stop, we stop. Just see where the road takes us.”

Amy nodded in agreement. “Awesome.”

Jake took off heading Northeast, up into Queens. When they started seeing signs for Citi Field, Jake talked about how his dad used to take him to Mets games when he was younger. Jake so rarely talked about his dad. She was touched that he was sharing something so personal with her.

“He’d always buy me a special program and ice cream in a helmet. I kept every single one. Every program. Every helmet. They’re all in a box under my bed in my mom’s house,” Jake described. “He took me to my first game when I was 5. The last game he took me to was when I was 9, so I only have like 4 or 5 programs and helmets. And obviously I’ve been to tons of games since then, but I’ve never been able to buy another program or ice cream in a helmet. It’s always been me and my dad’s thing. I haven’t been able to do it on my own.”

Amy stared at Jake through his monologue. Sure, Jake talked a lot. Seeing him say so much was nothing new. What was new however, was him talking so much about something serious and personal. He didn’t even notice her staring as he continued on.

“Actually, I cried at the first game that I went to at Citi Field. Not like hysterical, just shed a couple of tears. It was as if I was mourning the fact that I’d never get to go to a game at Shea Stadium with my dad ever again. I hadn’t even known that the last time would be the last.” Finally, Jake looked over at Amy. “Why are you looking at me weird? Am I talking too much?”

Amy shook her head. “No, not at all. Thanks for opening up to me Jake.”

Jake stared straight ahead, keeping his eyes focused on the road. He shrugged. “You’re easy to talk to.”

They drove in silence for a little while. Eventually, Amy saw a sign for Sagamore Hill.

“Ooh! Sagamore Hill. Teddy Roosevelt’s home. I’ve always wanted to go.”

Jake took the exit. “Then we should go.”

They pulled into the parking lot at around 9:15. Amy went into the visitor’s center as Jake walked around the grounds. She met him 10 minutes later.

“C’mon,” she exclaimed, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the house. “Our tour starts in 5 minutes.”

Amy knew that history was not Jake’s thing. She kept looking at him while they toured the house, wanting to make sure that he was enjoying himself. He seemed pretty interested in what the park ranger was telling them. He even asked a follow-up question about Roosevelt’s conservation efforts.

After the tour they visited the gift shop. Amy picked out a teddy bear to buy her youngest niece. Jake bought a teddy bear, too. He insisted it was for his mom, though Amy had a feeling it was really for himself.

“Thanks for doing that for me,” Amy said when they were back on the road.

Jake glanced over at Amy, a small smile on his face. “Well, you listened to me get emotional about my dad. So, we’re even.”

“Well, to show my gratitude, I have a treat for you.” Amy reached into the backseat to grab her backpack. She pulled out her surprise for Jake with a “Ta-da!”

Jake looked at what she was holding up and gasped. “Gummy bears!”

She put the backpack down by her feet and opened the bag of gummy bears. She grabbed Jake’s hand to hold it steady in her own. She couldn’t help but notice the way his hand twitched at her touch. She poured him a handful of bears and them picked out a few for herself.

“You’re the best, Ames!” Jake exclaimed with a mouthful of candy.

Having spent some time on the North Shore of Long Island, Jake decided that they needed to head south now. They kept driving, Amy sharing the gummy bears with him until they where all gone. Eventually they were at Heckscher State Park.

“When I was little, my Grandparents lived not too far from here,” Jake explained as he pulled into the parking lot. “After my dad left, my mom had to work more, so sometimes I’d spend weekends out here with them. If the weather was nice, my Grandfather would take me to the playground here while my Grandmother was at her Garden Club.”

“Do they still live here?” Amy asked as she climbed out of the car.

“Nah, they moved to Florida when they retired when I was 19. Then my grandmother passed away when I was 27 and my grandfather passed away a few months later.”

Amy was learning more about Jake today then she had learned about him in the last five years that they worked together. She was touched that he was feeling comfortable opening up to her.

They walked along the path, Jake pointing out places he remembered – where he rode his bike for the first time, where he played little league baseball, where he fell and scraped his chin, where Gina had kissed him when she visited his Grandparents with him when they were 16. Eventually, they reached the bay. “And this is where I learned how to swim. My grandfather was very patient. We spent hours here every Saturday when I was 8 and by the end of the summer, I was swimming!”

Amy didn’t say anything, she just looked at Jake. She’d known him for five years and had always considered them to be good friends. But she never realized until now how little she actually knew about him. She was liking everything that she was hearing. She enjoyed Jake’s vulnerability and openness. It felt like their friendship was evolving.

Jake turned away from the water, which he had been looking at so intensely, to look at Amy. “You’re looking at me weird again. Oh no! Am I talking too much again?” he worried. “You know you can tell me to shut up.”

Amy rolled her eyes and shoved his shoulder. “I’m seeing a whole new side to you.” She walked away from him, closer to the water. “I don’t completely hate it.”

Jake strolled closer to the water too, though he kept some distance from her. Silently, they both stared out at the bay. After several minutes, Jake strode over to her and nudged her shoulder, gesturing towards the path. They walked back to the car in silence. It wasn’t a comfortable silence though. There was an awkwardness in the air. Something had shifted. Amy worried that she had said something wrong.

Back in the car Jake put the key into the ignition, pausing before he turned the key to start the car. He turned to look at Amy and she looked back. Jake shook his head and turned the key. He inched forward into the next parking spot, but then stopped the car and pulled the key out, turning back to Amy again.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” he stated.

“Oooookayyyy…” Amy replied when Jake failed to elaborate any further.

Jake took a deep breath. “I opened up to you the other night about my car and why its so important to me. And now I can’t stop. It’s like verbal diarrhea. All these personal stories just keep spilling out and I can’t stop myself.”

Amy nodded. “It’s not a bad thing Jake,” she assured him. “It’s good to have friends you can open up to and be vulnerable with.”

Jake scrunched up his nose. “I don’t know” He sounded hesitant. “You’re not going to tease me? You’re not going to use these things to mock me later?”

She placed her hand on his shoulder and he leaned closer into her. The way he looked at her was so innocent, so pure. It was a look he had never given her before. If she was being honest, she really liked the way he was currently looking at her. “I would never tease you or mock you for the things that make you who you are,” she promised.

Jake bit his bottom lip and then pulled her into a hug. “Thanks.”

Amy’s heart beat faster in Jake’s embrace. When he let go to start driving again, she missed the feel of his arms around her. She ached for the feel of his chest pressed against her.

As they drove along the south shore of Long Island, Amy looked at Jake. There was a crease in his forehead. She could tell that he was still a little uneasy about his sudden display of vulnerability. She knew that the only way to make him feel safer was to show him her own vulnerable side.

“Sometimes I worry that I’m going to die unmarried and alone,” she confessed.

Jake laughed, and she immediately regretted sharing one of her most private fears with Jake. She turned away from him, resting her head against the window, watching the stores passing by out the window.

“Ames,” Jake said. She ignored him. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, repeating her name again. She couldn’t stand to look at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just… I didn’t realize…There’s just…How could you possibly be alone for the rest of your life? You’re smart and kind and beautiful and so much fun to be around…”

Amy turned to look at Jake. His hand was still on her shoulder, and he was glancing back at forth between her and the road. They came to a curve in the road, and he took his hand off her shoulder to control the wheel better. Once the road straightened out again, he put his hand on her knee, giving her a reassuring squeeze. “Any guy would be lucky to be with you.”

Jake removed his hand, and just as she had ached for his embrace, she ached for the pressure of his hand on her knee. She really couldn’t explain what was going on. Just like Jake couldn’t rationalize his sudden display of vulnerability, she couldn’t describe her sudden desire for Jake’s touch and intimacy.

She shook it off to elaborate on her fear.

“It’s just that it’s been so long since I’ve been on a decent date, let alone with someone that I could actually see myself with.” She told him about the magician who thought it was a clever trick to strip down to his boxers, the dentist who gave her an oral exam during the middle of dinner, the artist who kept taking food off her plate without asking, the gym teacher who showed up to a nice restaurant in sweats and complained about the number of calories in each dish, and several other embarrassing and bizarre dates.

“That’s not you. You’re just going out with the wrong guys,” Jake assured her.

“I don’t know,” Amy countered. “These are the guys who ask me out. Do I only attract weirdos?”

Jake shook his head aggressively. “I think you intimidate a lot of guys. I’m not saying that it’s ok. I just think the guys who are good enough for you fear that they’re not good enough for you. “

Amy didn’t respond.

“Does that make sense?” Jake asked.

“Eh,” Amy shrugged.

“You’ll find the right guy. I really believe that,” Jake reassured her.

They continued driving on in silence. Thankfully, not as awkwardly as it was back in the park. In the silence, Amy could hear Jake’s stomach rumbling. She laughed.

“It’s probably time to eat something,” Jake declared, laughing along with Amy.

Amy peered out the window, keeping her eyes open for an interesting place to grab something for lunch.

“How about that Brewery?” Amy asked, pointing to a larger building coming up with a sign that read Blue Point Brewery.

“Looks good to me.”

They each ordered a beer and a sandwich (Cajun Tuna for Amy, Steak for Jake). The conversation was lighter as they ventured into more familiar territory, discussing cases and Amy’s love for their new Captain (Jake was still on the fence about Captain Holt).

They were back on the road just a little before 2:00. Things seemed to be back to normal between them. It had been nice to see a more vulnerable side of Jake. And Amy hadn’t minded sharing something more personal with him. It was nice to explore a different side of their friendship. That being said though, she was happy that they were settling back into their comfort zone, laughing and being silly.

They continued driving east along the south shore of Long Island, eventually reaching the Hamptons. In Southampton, Amy suggested they stop and walk around the town. Being the offseason, not many shops were open, but that was okay. She had fun exploring one of America’s oldest department stores, Hildreth’s. As a gift of gratitude to Jake, for appeasing her as she awed over home furnishings they both knew she wasn’t going to buy, she bought him a quarter pound of fudge at the candy store.

“Hey, I saw a large empty parking lot on our way into the town,” Jake announced as they walked back to the car. “It’d be a good place to practice driving.”

Amy nervously bit her bottom lip. Yes, that was the terms of the bet. Once this road trip was over, Jake’s car would be hers. She had told Jake she would drive his car, despite not knowing how to drive stick, implying that the result could potentially be disastrous. Knowing now how much this car meant to him, she felt bad about telling Jake that she would destroy his car. Out of respect to Jake, she really should learn how to properly drive his car.

They switched spots in the parking lot. Jake gave her a quick overview before directing her step by step through driving stick. She made several mistakes, but Jake was patient with her, even through his wincing. She was finally getting the hang of it when Jake suggested she take the car out on the road.

“You’re sure?” She was starting to get the hang of it but wasn’t feeling confident yet.

“You’ll be fine,” Jake insisted. “Besides, the roads are pretty empty, we’re safe. Just listen to me and focus.”

Amy smiled at Jake’s confidence in her. It made her feel good knowing that he believed in her capabilities.

Slowly but surely, she drove out on the major roads out east. Jake had been right; being winter in summer towns meant that there were very few, if any, cars on the road. By the time the reached Montauk, “The End,” Amy’s confidence in her ability to drive stick was matching Jake’s confidence in her.

“Ames!” he exclaimed. “That was awesome! I’m so proud of you!”

Amy couldn’t help but beam. Yes, she was proud of herself, too. But hearing that Jake was proud of her made her even happier. She couldn’t explain why.

She parked and they got out and walked around the town. As they got closer to the lighthouse, they saw signs stating that the last group up would be let in at 4:45pm.

“We can make it,” Amy asserted, as she grabbed Jake’s hand and pulled him, running to make the last entry up into the lighthouse.

They made it with seconds to spare. Her heart skipped a beat and the butterflies in her stomach fluttered when Jake didn’t immediately release her hand once they reached the lighthouse.

As they walked up the stairs, Amy walked in front of Jake. The steps were steep, and Amy’s heart skipped a beat every time Jake placed his hand on the small of her back to help her steady herself up the stairs. When they reached the top, the small balcony was crowded with others, trying to get in a quick look before the lighthouse closed for the evening. Amy stood, leaning against the railing, enjoying the view of the Atlantic Ocean. She was squeezed between an overly affectionate couple on the left and an adorable family with three small children on the right. To conserve space, or, at least that’s why she thought he was doing it, Jake stood behind her, his arms stretched out on either side of her, resting on the rail. Amy stood with her front pressed up against the railing. When another couple tried to pass behind him, Jake moved up, pressing his front into Amy’s back. Her heart started beating faster as she felt him pressed up against him.

“Sorry,” Jake mumbled when Amy looked behind her. He made to step back, regardless of there being little room, with more people trying to pass behind him.

“Don’t worry about it,” she insisted, pulling him back into her to allow room for others to pass. A kaleidoscope of butterflies exploded in her stomach when Jake stayed pressed up against her.

It wasn’t long before they were ushered down the stairs so the lighthouse staff could shut down for the night. Jake and Amy walked a little bit through the town. They occasionally bumped into each other. Amy could feel Jake’s hand twitch whenever he accidentally grazed hers.

Jake suggested they get dinner before they headed back into the city. They found a little bar that looked cozy. Despite there being plenty of empty tables, they decided to eat at the bar. They each ordered a beer and a few appetizers to share – mozzarella sticks, potato skins, and fish tacos.

“Oh my God!” Amy exclaimed as she saw a lonely bride enter the bar. Her light blonde hair was braided into a bun at the nape of her neck and her long-sleeved, bohemian dress flowed down to the middle of her shin.

Amy leaned in closer to Jake to whisper to him. “Do you think it’s a runaway bride situation?”

They tried not to stare, even when the bride took the empty seat next to Jake.

“Hi!” the bride said to them, beaming from ear to ear.

“Hi!” Jake and Amy responded, unsure of how to react.

“I just got married,” the bride explained, unable to stop smiling.

“Congrats!” Amy responded.

“Here’s my husband!” the bride exclaimed. A tall man with a buzzcut, dressed in a slender-fitting gray suit walked in. Once he spotted his new wife, he ran to join her, grabbing her up into a hug and passionately kissing her. It was one of the sweetest things she’d ever seen.

“Hi, I’m Ken,” the groom said, holding his hand out to Jake and Amy. “This is my wife, Florence.”

Jake and Amy shook his hand and congratulated him.

Ken and Florence were an adorable couple. They couldn’t stop smiling, or keep their eyes, or hands, off each other.

“We wanted a moment just the two of us before we head to the reception,” Florence explained to Jake and Amy.

“Can we buy you a drink?” Amy offered.

Ken shook his head as he got the bartender’s attention. “No, that’s okay, thanks though. Drinks are on us.”

Florence and Ken bought a round of champagne for everyone in the bar. The bartender toasted the happy new couple. As they drank their champagne, then their beer, while they waited for their food to arrive, Jake and Amy talked to the newlyweds.

Ken and Florence had meet five years ago. They worked together at the same marketing firm in the city. They were friendly, hanging out and occasionally flirting. Then, after a year working together, they were assigned to head a campaign together. After many late nights working just the two of them, they realized that their feelings were more than just friendly. So, Ken asked Florence out and they fell in love.

“What about you two? How did you meet? How long have you been together?” Florence asked.

“Oh, no…we’re not…we’re just…” Jake stuttered, while Amy explained, “No, we’re just colleagues. We’re police detectives.”

“Yeah, but there’s something going on between you two, right?” Ken asked.

“Nope, just friends,” Amy said.

“Yeah, just friends,” Jake echoed Amy, though quieter and less sure.

Ken and Florence finished their champagne and Ken checked his phone. “Uh, oh. We’ve got a lot of missed calls. We should probably head off to our reception.”

Florence threw her arms around his neck and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Please, one shot before we go.”

Ken ordered a round of tequila for his new wife, Jake and Amy. They clinked their glasses together and took their shots.

“It was so nice meeting you,” Florence said, pulling Amy into a hug. Quietly, she whispered into Amy’s ear. “Jake really likes you. He looks at you the way Ken looks at me.”

Amy was startled by Florence’s insinuation. Jake liking Amy. She doubted it. Jake was constantly teasing her. She thought back to their day. Jake had opened up to her in a way he never had before. He taken her to visit a historical, presidential home. He shared a part of his childhood. He explored a new department store with her, never once teasing her for her old lady taste in furniture.

And, then there was the way his body reacted at the slightest touch of their bodies. The way his fingers twitched. The way he squeezed her knee, the way his hand felt on her back. The way she could feel his heart beating against her back on the top of the lighthouse.

Maybe Florence was on to something.

Amy waved goodbye to the newlyweds, just as their food arrived. As they ate, they talked about TV shows they were watching and movies they’d recently seen. They were so engrossed in their discussion that they hadn’t noticed that the bartender brought them both another beer, which they both drank without realizing it.

Chapter Four: The Hotel Room

“I’m a little tipsy. I don’t think I can drive,” Jake confessed once they paid for their dinner and made their way out of the bar.

“Me either,” Amy admitted. “Should we just walk around until we sober up?”

“Um, it’s getting pretty cold, and dark. And there’s nothing open. And, it’s almost 7:30, anyway. By the time we sober up and make it all the way back home, it will be like, midnight,” Jake countered. “We could get a hotel room. Each. We can each get our own hotel room.”

Amy looked up at Jake. He was looking down at her with a worried look on his face. She nodded. “Sure.”

They walked a few blocks to the hotel.

“Can we get 2 rooms?” Jake asked the receptionist.

“I’ll check what’s available. There’s a big wedding here this weekend so we’re pretty booked.” The receptionist typed away on the computer. “Looks like there’s only one room available.”

Jake looked down at Amy. “Oh…we don’t… we can find another hotel. Or I can sleep in the car,” he stammered.

Amy shook her head. “It’s okay. We can take the room.”

“You sure?” Jake asked.

Amy shrugged. “Yeah, it’s fine. We’re friends, we can share a hotel room.”

Amy paid for the room.

She looked down at herself and then looked at Jake. “I don’t have a change of clothes or any toiletries or anything.”

Jake looked down at himself too. “Yeah, me neither.”

“There’s soap and shampoo and stuff in the hotel room,” the receptionist interjected. He bent down to pull something out from under the counter. “Here’s toothpaste and toothbrushes for you. And you can pick up some clothes at our hotel shop. It’s been closed up for the night, but I can let you in to pick out some stuff, as long as you promise to come back and pay for it all before you leave tomorrow.”

“Thank you so much!” Amy took the toothbrushes and toothpaste from the receptionist and followed him to the store. She picked out a gray pair of sweatpants and a red crewneck sweatshirt, while Jake picked out a black pair of shorts and a blue long sleeve shirt. They thanked the receptionist again and made their way towards their room.

“Jake! Amy!” Amy turned to look who was calling them. Who did they know in Montauk? Of course, it was Florence and Ken.

“What are you doing here?” Florence asked, approaching Jake and Amy.

“We might have had a little too much to drink,” Amy explained. “We’re just going to sleep here tonight.”

“Oh, okay,” Florence replied, wiggling her eyebrows. Her facial expression was a little too similar to Charles’ when he implied that Jake and Amy would be a cute couple. Amy didn’t know how she felt about the fact that for the third time in less than 48 hours someone had suggested that she and Jake made a cute couple. Thinking back on her interactions with Jake since then, she couldn’t help thinking that perhaps all these people were on to something.

“We’re just changing before we had back to our reception,” Ken clarified. “Hey, you two should join us.”

Amy looked up at Jake. He scrunched up his nose, a look that she knew meant he wasn’t sure; it was a look she had seen numerous times while working on cases with him.

“Thanks for the offer, but I think we’re just going to head back to our room. We’ve had a long day,” Amy responded.

“You sure?” Florence asked.

“Yeah, we’re good,” Jake replied.

Amy followed Jake to their room. Once they arrived, she opened up the room. She was shocked to find that there was only one bed in the room.

“Um, I can go sleep in the car,” Jake offered.

Amy shook her head. “Don’t be silly, there’s plenty of room.”

“Ok, yeah, I’ll just sleep on the floor,” Jake responded.

Again, Amy shook her head. “Jake, you can sleep in the bed. It’s plenty big enough.”

Jake raised his eyebrows. She could tell he was about to ask again if she was sure. She responded before he could ask again. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

“Okay. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.”

Amy went into the bathroom to change and wash up. When she emerged, Jake had changed too. As Jake went into the bathroom to wash up, there was a knock at the door. When Amy opened the door, she was greeted by a hotel staff member holding a bottle of champagne.

“I think you have the wrong room…” Amy started but was cut off by the staff member. “It’s a gift from Florence and Ken for Jake and Amy.”

Amy thanked the delivery girl and took the bottle. She noticed a card attached to the neck of the bottle. She opened it up as she closed the door.

Jake and Amy

It was wonderful meeting you. Enjoy this bottle on us! ;)

Love,

Florence and Ken

There was also a post script suggesting that they meet up in the city with both of their phone numbers.

“Who was that?” Jake asked, emerging from the bathroom.

Amy held up the bottle. “A gift from our favorite newlyweds.”

“No doubt, no doubt. That was cool of them,” Jake responded, taking the bottle from Amy. As he opened it up, she grabbed 2 coffee mugs from the desk. Jake poured them each a mug of champagne. They clinked their mugs, toasting their new friends.

Amy sat down on the bed while Jake took the seat at the desk. She turned on the TV, flipping through channels, looking for something they would both agree on watching. An old rerun of SNL was playing on NBC, and Amy left the TV on this channel. They sat in silence, watching, laughing along at the funnier sketches.

During a commercial break, Amy noticed Jake reading the note from Florence and Ken. “Why’d she add a winky face?” he asked.

Amy could feel her face getting red. “Oh, um, well, Florence thinks…you see…she said to me…”

“Ames, what’s going on?”

Amy took a deep breath. “Florence told me she thinks we’d be a cute couple.”

Amy could see Jake take a deep gulp, his face now also turning red. “Oh, okay.”

They both sat there in silence for a moment. Jake turned his attention back to the TV. Halfway through the first sketch after the commercial break, Jake stood up and turned off the TV, turning to look at Amy. “Ken said the same thing to me.”

“Oh, okay.” Amy couldn’t think of anything to say in response to that.

Jake took a step closer to the bed. “Charles has also been implying lately that he thinks I like you and that he wants us to be a couple.”

Amy nodded. “Yeah, he made a comment about that to me too the other night.”

Jake nodded and shrugged. “And those perps made the comment about us being a cute couple.”

“That’s true,” Amy whispered as Jake took a step even closer to her. She found herself unable to speak as Jake sat down next to her on the bed. He was pretty close, his knee grazing her own. Amy felt electricity streaming though her body at the slightest hint of Jake’s touch.

“Do you think all these people are seeing something we don’t see?” Jake whispered. He scooted a little closer to Amy on the bed, giving her goosebumps at how close they were now, their legs resting next to each other’s.

Amy gulped, taking a moment to gain courage. “I think I might understand what everyone else is seeing.”

She was so nervous, she spoke so low. She wasn’t even sure that Jake had heard what she said. But he leaned closer to her, taking her hand in his.

“I think I see it too.” With that he leaned forward and kissed Amy.

She paused at first, shocked by his actions. Her heart was racing and she felt like she was sweating. But as Jake continued to kiss her, she leaned into it, kissing him back. She let go of his hand and wrapped her arms around his neck as he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer into him. Amy shifted back on the bed so that she was leaning against the headrest and Jake shifted with her.

Suddenly, Jake pulled away from Amy, his hands still on her waist. “We’ve had a lot to drink tonight. We should probably stop.”

Amy nodded in agreement. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” But instead of letting go, she pulled him back in to kiss him again.

They continued to kiss for several more minutes before Amy eventually pulled away. She let go of Jake and jumped off the bed. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right. We’ve had too much to drink tonight. We should stop before we do something we regret.”

“Yep,” Jake replied. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. No doubt, no doubt, no doubt.”

Amy looked at Jake. She couldn’t stop smiling. She was so happy about what had just happened. Jake was smiling too.

“I’m gonna go brush my teeth,” she announced.

“I’m gonna wait here,” Jake replied. “I need a minute.”

Amy looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her face was flushed, but she couldn’t shake the smile off her face. She felt like it was going to be a permanent fixture for quite a while.

When she finished up in the bathroom, Jake went in to brush his teeth. He placed a chaste kiss on her cheek as he passed her, making her smile grow even larger.

Amy settled into the bed. She turned the TV back on, which was now playing the local news. After several minutes, Jake joined her again. He settled into the bed beside her, turning off the lights in the room. Jake held his arm out and Amy shifted into his side, allowing Jake to cuddle in close to her, her head resting on his chest.

They continued watching TV. After the news, a new episode of SNL started. Soon, Amy began to drift off to sleep. The last thing she noticed before she finally drifted into a blissful sleep was Jake pressing a kiss on the top of her head.

Chapter Five: The New Bet

Amy woke up the next morning, still feeling elated about last night’s events. She was feeling warm in Jake’s embrace. Her head was on his chest, and he was holding her tightly.

“Good morning,” Jake said. Amy looked up at Jake. He kissed her softly on the lips.

“Good morning.”

Amy wriggled out from Jake’s embrace and got out of bed. She looked at her phone, seeing that it was almost 8:00 in the morning.

‘We should get back to the city,” she declared.

She and Jake changed back into their clothes from yesterday. They checked out of the hotel, stopping by the hotel gift shop to pay for the clothes they picked out yesterday. They walked to a bagel shop down the block to get a breakfast to go.

On the drive home, they sang along to the radio and talked about concerts they enjoyed. Every so often, Jake would reach over to Amy and squeeze her knee or hold her hand. At every touch, Amy’s heart skipped a beat. She was so happy. Who would have ever though that Jake Peralta would be able to make her so happy?

Eventually, they reached Jake’s building. He parked the car and turned it off, turning in his seat so that he was facing Amy. “So, I guess this is it. I’m going to miss you, girl.”

Amy was confused. “Um, I’ll see you again.”

Jake shook his head. “I was talking to the car.”

“Of course, you were.” Amy looked closely at Jake. He was really torn apart over losing his car. Charles had been right. Giving up this car would be the worst thing in the world for Jake. Amy hated seeing Jake like this. Especially after everything that had happened between them last night.

“I think you should keep your car,” Amy proclaimed.

Jake took her hand, squeezing it and shook his head. “No, no. You won fair and square. It’s yours.”

“No, it’s yours,” Amy argued. Jake opened his mouth to argue, but Amy held her finger to his mouth to quiet him. “It’s your car because the terms of our bet weren’t fair. You bet one of the most important things in the world to you. And for me, well, I guess I’ve realized that being ‘one of those chicks in your car’ really is not the worst thing in the world. Actually, ‘being one of those chicks in your car’ is kinda awesome.

Jake beamed. “Ames, you’re awesome.” He pulled her into a hug, kissing her cheek. He leaned back and they kissed for quite some time.

“Well, you still won the bet,” Jake stated. “What do you get?”

Amy smiled. “Let’s continue the bet. In one year, whoever loses has to pay to take the winner on a date.”

“It’s a deal.” Jake leaned away from Amy and held out her hand. She shook it, sealing in the new terms of their bet.

#b99 summer 2021 fic exchange #b99 fandom events #Brooklyn Nine Nine #b99 #Jake and Amy #fanfic #writing #@stolethekey

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #248: “To Save the ETERNALS!”

October, 1984

Scarlet Witch: “It’s raining ETERNALS!”

Hallelujah?

This is a pretty striking cover. The white background is what sells it. Having an actual background would busify the cover too much.

So last times on Avengers: Bored after giving the chairman role to Vision, Wasp takes Starfox’s invitation to crash a party hosted by Sersi, a truant Eternal. Some other Eternals come to fetch Sersi for a Big, Important Eternal Thing and Wasp and Starfox end up getting dragged along when they try to stop the kidnapping.

After Sersi and Ikaris recap the Eternals’ ENTIRE HISTORY, Starfox realizes hey he’s an Eternal too! So he gets invited to the big, important Eternal Thing. Which is turning into a giant flying brain. As ya do.

But jerk fiend and eventual Great Lakes Avengers punchline Maelstrom takes advantage of all the Eternals being a giant brain and attacks, knocking out spectating Avengers Wasp and Captain Monica Marvel.

So thats a lot.

Vision and Scarlet Witch arrive in Greece after seeing Maelstrom on the video phone.

While Vision flies off in a big hurry, Scarlet Witch goes back into the Quinjet for some good exposition.

She continues to be worried about how Vision has been acting lately. Because after seeing Maelstrom, Vision barely said a word during the flight to Greece and kept pushing the engines until Wanda was afraid they’d blow up. But since he just took off and she can’t fly, she calls up what files the Avengers have on Maelstrom.

Which is Benn Grimm, the Thing, reporting on Marvel Two-in-One #72, where he teamed up with Black Bolt to fight Maelstrom who claimed to be the son of a renegade Inhuman. In the end, the Thing tossed a tube of anti-terrigen gas in his face and then Maelstrom appeared to die in an underwater cave-in.

Vision returns from his reconnaissance and does Wanda a startle so she finally unloads on him for how he’s been acting.

Scarlet Witch: “You don’t seem to be thinking at all these days! We haven’t had a real conversation since you became Avengers chairman! Half of our trip to Washington was taken up by a private meeting you had with the president! Afterwards, you didn’t even have the decency to tell me what you talked about! I had to hear from a reported that you’d discussed making the Avengers chairmanship a cabinet level post! We used to be so open with one another! What is happening to us? What is the matter? Is it me?”

Vision says ‘its not you, its me’ although in the context of him being at fault and not breaking up with her.

But he promises to do better and that she’s important to him.

Which would be heart-warming and romantic if he wasn’t making this face over her shoulder.

Why.

Anyway, with uh whatever that is handled, Vision reports what he found on his scouting nyoom.

He found the Eternal city on the side of Mount Olympus because of course its there.

Although. Wait. Where do the Olympians live? Are they neighbors? Do the Olympians live in another dimension or something? I vaguely remember something like that.

And Vision found Maelstrom who’s wearing a silly techno-harness connected to a big machine and has Captain Marvel and Wasp chained up at his feet.

You have problems, Maelstrom.

Not least of which is that his big scheme is to absorb the giant brain to make himself more powerful.

He blabs his plan to the Wasp who woke up when she sensed the opportunity to sass.

Wasp: “You seem awfully sure of yourself, Maelstrom.”

Maelstrom: “Ah, the Wasp! Back among the conscious, I see! Yes, I am quite confident... Supremely confident, you might say.”

Wasp: “But not so confident that you felt you could keep us here untied!”

Maelstrom: “If you are trying to shame me, it will not work. I am quite without shame!”

Curses, he’s immune to petty ego games.

Wasp also assumes he’s an Eternal which he’s quick to correct. No, see, his mom was a Deviant. And I guess his dad was an Inhuman, based on the Thing’s report on him. But its not like he wants revenge for all the Deviants being compressed into a giant cube.

After all, the Deviants killed his mom and raised Maelstrom in their slave pits.

In fact, after Maelstrom absorbs the giant brain, his next plan is to release the Deviants from the giant Deviant cube one by one and then do harm to them.

But, yeah, no. He does look like an Eternal. Easy mistake to make. The Eternals have been making that mistake as Maelstrom has just been hanging around for days with all the Eternals assuming he’s just some Eternal.

He’s actually maybe a little bit regretful that he has to kill them all to absorb the giant brain since the Eternals have actually been nice to him?

Maelstrom: “But power belongs to those who are willing to seize it!”

Interesting guy, Maelstrom.

He starts absorbing the Uni-Mind and totally spaces out doing that. But unfortunately, Wasp is in no position to capitalize on it because he put some leech manacles on her which are preventing her from shrinking. And Captain Marvel is completely out cold.

But Vision sneaks up intangible through the ground as he do like to do and intangibles his fingers into Maelstrom’s harness, shorting it out.

The energy discharge knocks Vision on his ass unconscious but Maelstrom just has to take a knee.

He yells up at an ominous figure standing up on a tower for not telling him that Vision was sneakign up on him. Maelstrom obviously thinks that this Deathurge is his minion but Deathurge has differing opinions.

Deathurge: For so long have I been with Maelstrom, yet still he does not understand! Still he thinks of me as his lackey! When will he learn... it is a darker power I truly serve!

Kinda wonder why he’s here. He doesn’t seem to be helping Maelstrom’s great brain heist and mostly just seems to... stand on a tower and look ominous.

But while Maelstrom was distracted yelling at a guy, the Uni-Mind breaks free of Maelstrom’s siphon and then explodes into a bunch of Eternals again.

Because it would be very improbable if that happened.

Your plan scheme just got Wanda’d, Maelstrom.

Huh. When I saw the cover, I wouldn’t have guessed that Wanda is the reason why its raining Eternals, hallelujah.

Goes to shows.

But since it was very improbable indeed that the Uni-Mind would explode into peoples, Wanda is wiped out.

Captain Marvel starts waking up and Wasp orders her to bust the chains, don’t even think about just go go go.

And Monica Marvel CHOOOMs the leech manacles.

It’s probably a testament to her power that she can bust right through the power dampening handcuffs but Maelstrom immediately hits her with some pink with kirby krackle which apparently is an energy field for sapping strength and down goes Captain Marvel again.

>=|

Wasp dodges the pink energy and gets out of the way so Vision can shoot his forehead laser at Maelstrom.

I sometimes forget he has that thing.

Vision: “Yes, Maelstrom, I have found your weakness! you are vulnerable to energy that is not purely kinetic! That is why you required the power siphon to absorb the psionic energy of the Uni-Mind!”

Maelstrom insists that he’ll still kick Vision’s ass except we’ll never know if he was talking out his ass or not.

Starfox wakes up from being a giant brain and decides to go punch the bad guy.

Except except except.

Punches is kinetic energy. Fool that he is, Starfox just recharged Maelstrom.

Starfox: “I am Eros, called the Starfox... son of Mentor! The blood of the Eternals flows in my veins... and I am an Avenger! Thus I have the greatest stake in seeing you fall!”

Maelstrom: “No doubt! But you’ll not accomplish it this way!”

And then suddenly giant Maelstrom just picks up Starfox and hurls him at Vision who is forced to super-dense catch Starfox instead of intangible out of the way and let the idiot hit a wall head first.

Hm. Guy absorbs kinetic energy and gets beefier? So he’s like a less stylish Sebastian Shaw?

That’s not a flattering comparison for you, Maelstrom.

Makarri, Thena, and Ikaris of the Eternals wake up and also try to jump on and pummel Maelstrom.

... God, its like they weren’t even paying attention.

Good thing they’re immortal because they have no survival instinct among them.

Maelstrom throws them off and then whips out the pink bio-kinetic energy again, using it to crowd control the Eternals.

Then he announces that yeah, sure, the brain thing was foiled. But he absorbed enough information while he was draining the Uni-Mind that he has an even cooler plan for even greater power now.

So his new plan is to just leave. And go do something else.

‘Walk away with no further conflict you say? Nuts to that!’ - Scarlet Witch, presumably.

In fairness. This isn’t really a no harm, no foul situation.

I wouldn’t give Maelstrom over to the Eternals to add to the Deviant cube but he’s just going to do more asshole things if he walks away.

Starfox wants to go over and start punching Maelstrom again because. I DUNNO! The man is supposed to be smarter than this!

Vision stops him and tells him that instead he’ll need to use his pleasure power on Vision’s mark.

Starfox is startled that Vision knows about his secret weirdo power but this isn’t the time for a conversation.

Instead its time for microwaves.

Vision signals Captain Marvel to do her thing and she flies at Maelstrom, turning into infrared and microwave radiation, toasting Maelstrom up.

Then Wasp pew pews with her pew pew, while staying ten feet away so he can’t absorb any kinetic energy. That’s apparently why her stings sucked when she tried shooting him before. She got too close.

Well, her stings are bio-electrical so him absorbing her bio-kinetic energy would probably weaken them? Probably?

Maelstrom actually panics a little because the Avengers aren’t being dumb. They’re pelting him with energy attacks from a distance, wearing him down and not giving him a chance to build up his energy stores again.

I’m proud of you, guys. I knew you could fight smart if you put your minds to it.

Then with Maelstrom weakened, Starfox tries to use his PLEASURE BEAMS and tells him that actually we’re all friends here, won’t you be our friend?

Starfox: “The others will tell you I’m not one to hold a grudge! Besides, you really don’t want to hurt anyone! You’ll be much happier giving yourself up!”

Maelstrom: “Giving... up? Y-yes, that does sound nice. I... No!! What are you doing to me?!?”

So since Maelstrom succeeds his will save against the persuasion check, or something, Scarlet Witch just casts a spell of ‘on your knees, asshole’ and makes Maelstrom fall to his knees.

Realizing that he might actually be defeated, in the city of his mother’s enemies no less!, Maelstrom calls out for Deathurge to attend him.

Deathurge: “At last, the call I have longed for!”

Hmmmm. Maybe Maelstrom should have been more specific.

I admit that its very possible that this is exactly what Maelstrom wanted Deathurge hanging around for. But having a guy standing by to kill you so you don’t have to tally an L sure is an interesting way of going about things.

Also, the narration says spear but Deathurge’s weapon is clearly a very anime scythe. A dude in Bleach had two of this exact weapon.

Captain Marvel, as the nyoomiest of the Avengers, flies at Deathurge as the “spear” returns to his hand. He tries to hit her with the “spear” but it goes right through her and then she goes right through him when she tries to tackle him.

Since they can both be intangible, Deathurge declares this a stalemate and drops down into the ground. Captain Marvel tries to follow as x-rays but loses the ominous weirdo.

So that was a thing that happened.

Maelstrom sure folded like nothing once people who knew how his powers work actually started fighting back.

And I can’t even ding him for explaining his powers because he didn’t. Vision just did his research.

Anyway, even though the Uni-Mind ritual was interrupted, the Eternals still learned what they should be doing. Since the Eternals have grown stagnant on Earth, THEY’RE GOING TO SPAAAAACE!

Most of them anyway.

Ikaris, Sersi, Thena, Valkin... Lets just say the main Eternals are going to stay on Earth.

The Eternals chosen to go out into space form a Uni-Mind again, grabs the Deviant cube, hurls it out of the solar system, and then takes off into space.

“So does the Uni-Mind, in all its wisdom, protect its native world from the Deviant menace.”

Eeeesh.

I thought squeezing them all into a cube was bad enough, now you’re sending them into space forever? You couldn’t find a planet where they can’t hurt anyone and just dunk them there?

Back down on Earth, the Avengers and Eternals watch a giant brain fly into space.

Wasp: “To think, this all started with Starfox and me crashing Sersi’s party! I certainly never expected to be in Greece at day’s end, watching the Eternals leave Earth!”

Really makes you think. That its a good thing that most Avengers’ day job is being an Avenger.

Captain Marvel asks Starfox if he’s sorry that he didn’t go with the giant brain and he says participating in one Uni-Mind thing was an incredible experience that he wouldn’t have missed but he’s a free spirit and there’s a bunch of stuff he still wants to do on Earth.

Which Sersi certainly agrees with.

The Avengers offer her a lift back home and she has perhaps the greatest of attitudes about everything that went down.

Sersi: “I hope my friends in the city have kept the party going! If they haven’t... well, we’ll just have to start one of our own!”

That’s the spirit!

But meanwhile, halfway around the world in a secret underground lair, Deathurge pops out of the floor.

Villains are villainous and all but you can’t beat the class of “secret underground lair.” Step up, heroes.

Deathurge struts over to some tubes and goes Everything Has Transpired According to Plan.

Because inside one of the tubes (or maybe all of the tubes??) is a fresh new Maelstrom body!

Deathurge: If all goes as you have planned, you shall soon awaken within this newly prepared body, ready to live again. And, as ever, I will stand by... ready to attend... Until all your lives have been lived!

Well!

No wonder Maelstrom has a dude standing by to pop him. He’s got extra lives!

Anyway, that was the unexpected Eternals three-parter nobody called for. But Avengers is the place to go to tie up loose ends from other books and concepts.

Avengers’ll accommodate you, they have room in their hearts and publishing schedule.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because there’s more Maelstrom coming! Wait, is that anything people want? There’s also Hercules! I know people like Hercules! He gives the best hugs! Also like and reblog if you like to reblog.

#avengers #Maelstrom #Deathurge #Eternals #Starfox #the Vision #Scarlet Witch #captain marvel #Monica Rambeau #the Wasp #essential avengers #essential marvel liveblogging #just another one of those days for the avengers #the eternals have a really galaxy brain idea

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

I received a question longer than 8 parts that I’m going to post here (it was off anon, so I’m not revealing the identity of the question asker). I’m not going to answer it because my FAQ very clearly sets an 8 question limit and also as you will see it didn’t actually provide a lot of useful information despite the length. I am however going to talk through some of the issues, specifically relating to unnecessary information. Needless to say this will be a very long post hence the read more link.

Before I begin I want to give the origins of the 8 question limit:

-it’s an arbitrary number. felt it was generous and iirc I did go back and look at some past questions to see what was on the longer but still reasonable side

-I did it mainly because copying and pasting each individual question is tedious and also there is a limit to how much I’d like to read and also some people see ‘no more than 8 parts’ and instead of interpreting this as “I should edit myself as thoughtfully as possible” say “I should expand whatever I have to say to 8 parts long, even if it really is only 6 parts worth of material” so 8 was a number I could live with.

-I have yet to find an 8+ part question that couldn’t have been edited to a much shorter question while still keeping the same amount, case in point:

I'm asking for outside help because I've been on a hamster wheel for years where I believe I found my type get happy for a couple hours/days, find all the "signs" of me being that type all along and then...wake up not believing it. Or I see/read something that type is supposed to do/think like that doesn't fit me at al, or see someone I'd like to be like that it's another type and start digging again. I desperately need to arrive at a final typing because it's driving me crazy, I can't quit 1/9

Any preamble that amounts to “could you please type me” can be summarized to “could you please type me?”, a 5 -word phrase. This might however be the preamble that hits the most of my “oh I do not want to engage with this” buttons though:

Long and pleading which makes me kind of uncomfortable, like I do not know you and I don’t handle pleading and begging well anyway

Overinvestment in figuring out their type when often it’s times like this when taking an extended break from MBTI would likely be the best thing for you and indeed your overemphasis in getting an answer rather than learning about yourself might be what’s making it so hard to type

Also when someone says they’ve been trying and trying for years I get nervous because there is a very real chance they’re going to say a lot of stuff that is consciously or unconsciously pulled directly from MBTI descriptions and it’s going to be absolutely useless to work with.

[I should note for this and the rest of my criticism: I have, obviously a whole lot of preferences and dislikes and expecting you to cater to all of them would be completely ridiculous. Had this been an 8-part question I would have answered it, even if that answer might have been “I can’t tell”. As is, however, I’m hoping this might serve as some insight into how to make your question as good as possible which as a bonus will make me more likely to spend lots of time on it because I will be impressed and delighted by your effort.]

When interested in something I gotta find out how it works, or how it’s made. I find that as interesting as the thing itself. I see the way different elements can influence each other in arriving at a certain outcome, and I make decisions according to it. I trust my own reading of what’s probably going on. I trust patterns, things are often connected, not a coincidence. I usually judge fast and hard. I can change my mind very quickly if new facts comes in, but I’m very rarely neutral or 2/9

Some examples would be nice. I mean maybe this person is intuitive and maybe a thinker, although that first preamble didn’t sound very thinker to me, but also everything here is purely in the realm of subjectivity. Obviously we’re going to be subjective about ourselves, but a big part of why I want examples is that it forces people to not say stuff that sounds like it’s ripped directly from a type description.

or uncertain about things/people.I don’t like to make promises because of independence and not wanting to promise what I can’t deliver. I dedicate so much time to my personal hobbies I forget my chores. I tend to get obsessed in finding an answer to something until I get so dizzy/overwhelmed I’m forced to step back (typing myself in different theories is the best example). Hate to see people passing on wrong information and therefore misleading others. I gotta step up and correct them. 3/9

This is fine, I’d still like clearer and more specific examples but it’s fine; the one criticism is when someone starts taking about how they approach MBTI as an example in typing them it’s like PLEASE DO A HOBBY THAT ISN’T ABOUT NAVEL-GAZING, IT WILL IRONICALLY BE MORE HELPFUL.

I have very high standards, specially towards myself. My pride is heavily tied to being great at the things I care about, or am expected to perform. Really can’t stand biased judgements and behaviour by others, and police it in myself too. Truth is my #1 value. I have a natural thirst for and ease at handling a lot of data about whatever I’m interested in. One of biggest pet peeves is resistance to facts. I’m highly observant of things and people around me, there’s so much information I get 4/9

 Okay this sounds kind of like a repeat/rephrasing of a lot of the information in the first two actual content parts (talking about interests, thirst for knowledge, judgement), and editing that down probably could have saved you an ask space thus getting you your answer. If you find yourself running long, go back and see if you are repeating yourself. I do this a lot! When I make blog posts here I don’t care, because this is my place and I do what I want, but I have a tendency to ramble in emails too and I always do a second pass if it’s longer than a paragraph to make sure all the information in there is helpful in making the point I need to make and isn’t repetitive (unless my point is DON’T FORGET THIS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD in which case some thoughtful repetition is often good).

advice, or cried in front of others myself so I can’t relate.I’m very open minded when it comes to physical differences, cultures, orientations etc. But I have a Strong sense of wrong and right that when crossed leads to indignation and promptly “cancealing” people, cutting them off my life. I felt very uneasy when I realized that things I felt a connection to (favorite color, number, animal, flower) lost their meaning to me. Logically I know it’s not a big deal, but it felt like I lost 6/9

so I think we lost a question here (I got 9 questions, but the last question said 10/10) which is another reason to keep it short – fewer opportunities for tumblr to eat it. Although, had two questions been eaten by Tumblr I would have probably answered this, but that’s probably not a gamble you want to make. Anyway this is emphasizing the strong judgements again, and a little emphasis is actually fine – it helps me know what is really important to you – but again, if you’re running long that should be a thing to cut, after the unnecessary preamble.

something. .I need to express my thoughts/opinions, but my feelings are private.I have a huge fear of failure that holds me back. I’m terrified of finding out I suck at what I’d love to do, so I keep that as a fantasy and don’t try it out, to not kill the possibility. I have self sabotaged to keep myself in “safe” spaces but I have realized the reason I’ve been so restless is because I have to honor my ambitions which have always been big and bold. Mistakes and deficiencies jump out at me 7/9

 The information here is mostly fine (although again with the expressing and strong feelings), but it’s also again without examples. There have been precious few examples here, and that’s really difficult to type from – again, I’m not saying it’s easy or even fully possible to be objective about yourself, but sometimes people say “I have a thirst for knowledge” and it means they are pursuing a PhD in philosophy, and sometimes it means they are someone who thinks that reading Wikipedia pages is a personality. [brief aside on that – I don’t want to say reading Wikipedia pages is bad. It’s not. I do it. Yesterday I was interested in how African prints were made and I looked up the Wikipedia page on them, which after a few clicks into related subjects brought me to a page about the androgynous water deity Olukun who originated in Yoruba faith traditions, and it was super interesting. But like…this is just a thing most generally curious people do and not a particularly unique or special indicator that you are smart, which is how it often seems to be intended.] Anyway my point is: examples, examples, examples. If you give specific examples I will be so much happier and more excited to type you because I actually feel like I can say something meaningful.

like neon, I can make very precise and detailed of anything’s quality in seconds. I have little patience with people that are not interested in improvement or resist positive change. Something that drives me nuts is lack of punctuality and money managing skills. I’m very annoyed by unrealistic people that ignore logic or constraints like resources. I’m equally impatient with people who only operate on what’s on the surface and is accepted as true: people who never question the common sense 8/9

Again there’s just…no examples. There’s also been a lot about what this person likes and doesn’t like about other people, and that would better be taken up by information (and examples!) about themself.

or status quo, that trust everything authorities” or the media tells them and never do their own research.I often don’t feel the need to actually do things to see if they’ll work, or try things out to see if I’ll like them. I’m pretty certain of things even before I experience them. I’m not inclined to be diplomatic and persuade. I convince by proving something with evidence, or making they see reason through logic argumentation, and point out possible consequences of choices. I compare 9/9

I’m always a little skeptical of people who think The Media is a monolith, just in general, but that’s neither here nor there. Also, here’s a reason why examples are useful – they provide context into the situation which addresses the very natural conflicts within people, vs. this: “I often don’t feel the need to actually do things to see if they’ll work, or try things out to see if I’ll like them. I’m pretty certain of things even before I experience them” coming from someone who just claimed they value truth above all. Like…this is at least in my opinion the opposite of what someone who values truth would say, because a person who values truth would check if things worked. Which isn’t to say this person is lying – but it means I’m going to have trouble because without, ironically enough, any evidence, which they say they like to use, I don’t know which of those conflicting statements is true or even if they are truly in conflict and just situationally dependent.

things/people a lot naturally because the similarities (and disparities) between them jump out. It’s hard for me to be really surprised at things, or at a person’s character.I’m impatient with learning and doing things that involve many steps/processes. I want to learn everything fast and am just now learning to grow discipline to stick to things in the long run if I don’t see quick progress. I find half baked concepts and theories very annoying, I don't like much ambivalence or vagueness 10/10

I don’t like much ambivalence or vagueness either, but here we are. Also, saying that you tend not to stick with things in the long run and are just developing the ability to do so if you don’t see quick progress does kind of make me have questions about you desperately trying to figure out your MBTI type for years as claimed before. Less is more because it gives you fewer opportunities to contradict yourself.

 Anyway, the takeaway: keep your preamble short (seriously - almost every time someone goes over the 8-part limit it’s at least partially because they talked about their MBTI typing journey for 1-2 asks when a single well-phrased sentence would be far more useful), keep your examples concrete and specific, focus on yourself more than what you think of others, and read what you wrote before sending it to me.

#mbti #long post

[the-inept-artist]

A Small Correction - PART 2

Originally posted: 11/05/2018

~oOo~

The rules were simple: keep an eye on the two paladins. Light teasing was accepted, so long as it didn't turn into forcing fate.

Pidge had bet fifteen on a month, and Hunk had placed five on the same. "Because," he reasoned as Pidge introduced the newest gambler, "unless I have a solid reason, I never go against Pidge's instinct. And on the off chance she's wrong, I don't want to lose too much."

"Coward," Pidge said jokingly as she wrote down Veronica's offer.

"I'm smart, not a coward. Trying to minimize possible losses here."

Coran had bet thirteen gak on two weeks, which roughly translated to forty dollars, so he and Veronica had unofficially teamed up, the two having the most to lose.

Shiro and Allura weren't betting. Nobody had told Shiro because they were afraid he would shut down the operation. Allura, on the other hand, would probably be too enthusiastic, giving the game away. "She went a little overboard when she found out I was a girl back when we saved the Arusians." Pidge explained.

"Wait, Allura knew before we did?" Hunk asked. "I mean, I get Shiro, he knows your family, he would figure it out. But Allura?"

"The space mice are huge snitches."

Now, the day after Pidge had set her straight, Veronica was on her way to her little brother's room in the Garrison. With new knowledge in mind, she wanted to see the crush firsthand. Reaching the door, she knocked sharply. "Just a sec!" a muffled voice called.

The door opened. "Hey, sis," Lance said in surprise. "Sorry, I was expecting Keith. We're going to race over the desert. It's been a while since we did anything just for fun."

Veronica hid a smile. "Don't worry, I won't stay long. I just want to catch up. We never really got a chance to talk, all things considered."

Lance chuckled. "Yeah. Things were pretty nuts." He opened the door wider. "C'mon in."

"Thanks." Veronica cast a quick glance around the room as she walked in. Sparsely decorated, with just a few books on the night table and blue bed covers. A stark contrast to the room covered with posters and clutter back in Cuba. But she was willing to bet twenty more dollars the amount of skin care products in the bathroom were the same.

"So, how was life in space?" Veronica asked as she sat on the bed. Lance shut the door and moved to sit beside her.

"Honestly, not all it's cracked up to be. I nearly died in an airlock failure once."

Veronica's eyes widened. "How?"

Lance went on to explain of how the castleship had been corrupted, and many other stories. Some had his big sister laughing, others had her wide-eyed and in awe, and a few caused her to tightly hug him, just to confirm he was still alive and not a cruel apparition.

"Just how many times have you nearly sacrificed yourself?" Veronica demanded, not angrily. Lance had just told her about when he knocked Allura's lion out of the way of an electric shock, taking it himself.

"Ah…" Lance thought for a moment, then gave a sheepish smile. "Lost count?"

Veronica pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. To Lance, she probably looked exasperated, but in reality, she was trying to hold back tears. "You idiot. You heroic, selfless idiot."

Lance laughed. "Sorry. I guess it's, like, ingrained in me now. If I see someone about to get hurt, I automatically run to take the hit. Paladin code, y'know?"

"Still." The siblings sat in comfortable silence. Then Veronica spoke up. "So what do you think of the others?"

"Hm?"

"The others. Your team. How close are you all?"

"Pretty close. To form Voltron, we need to have a really strong bond, not just with our lions, but also with each other."

"Yeah, so what do you think of them after living for a year in space with them?"

Lance sighed thoughtfully, zoning out, probably remembering dozens more adventures and little moments that meant so much. "Well, Shiro is always looking out for us. Not just as a leader, but also like a father. We actually gave him the nickname Space Dad after he shut Pidge out of the castle's computers to force her to get some sleep. There was a mix-up with a clone, but we eventually got the real Shiro back. The team wouldn't have been the same otherwise. We can always go to him, no matter what the problem.

"Hunk is my best friend; has been since before we found the blue lion. He's an amazing cook, which is great, since Coran sucks at making food that's actually edible. You can always trust him to point you in the right moral direction. He might get scared at times, but he won't back down. In my opinion, that makes Hunk even braver.

"Pidge is our tech genius. She can crack any code, given enough time. She also has an uncanny ability to get to the source of a problem. She notices things most of us don't, and that makes her really valuable to the team. You don't want to cross her, though. Her bayard is both cute and deadly.

"Princess Allura is somehow both delicate and kick-butt. She certainly knows more about the universe than any of us, including Coran. She took over the blue lion for me when I moved to the red lion, which honestly takes guts. It's not easy to fly into battle knowing there's a chance you won't return. The rules for Pidge apply to her as well, though; don't get her mad unless you want to be judo-flipped.

"If Shiro's our Space Dad, then Coran's our Space Uncle. At least, that's how I think of him. He's like the guy who isn't actually related to anyone, but we keep him around because he's fun and weird, in a good way. Coran sometimes has strange ways of doing things, but he certainly comes through in a pinch. Back when we had the castleship, if things got rough, we could always count on a few blasts from Coran."

Lance fell silent. Veronica gazed at him, touched. It was clear her little brother had forged incredible friendships with his teammates. But—whether intentionally or accidentally, she didn't know—he had left out the one she most wanted to hear him describe. "And…what about Keith?"

"Hang on, I'm thinking. Mullet's a tough nut to crack." Lance fell back on the bed with a fwump, arms splayed, staring intensely at the ceiling. Veronica giggled at his expression, then immediately felt like crying. She didn't think she'd ever get to see him do that again.

"All right, I got it. Keith is like a flame. He can be calm and collected, but then turn around and flare up if he feels something isn't right. He prefers to follow his instincts, which are sometimes pretty spot on. Out of all of us, he's had the roughest time. His mom is part Galra, which caused Allura to be cautious of him for a while, but she came around. He lost his dad when he was a kid, so he's had to fend for himself. Keith has some trust issues, which is understandable, but we, especially Shiro, are helping him to move on. He's got a strong sense of justice, and while his views sometimes seem selfish, he really only wants to do the best he can for the universe. And I'd say he's doing a pretty darn good job. Y'know, despite the mullet."

Veronica didn't know if it was the light playing tricks, but she could've sworn there was a faint blush on Lance's cheeks. Either way, she had never heard Lance speak so fondly of someone. "Sounds like you care for him."

Lance jerked at the sound of her voice, as if suddenly awakening from a deep sleep. "Wha—no! I don't have a crush on him!"

Veronica smirked. Gotcha. "I just said that it's sounds like you care for him. Not that you have a crush. Although, the fact that that's what your mind immediately jumped to…"

Lance paused, then narrowed his eyes at his sister. "That's not fair."

"What's not fair?"

The redness on Lance's ears and neck had nothing to do with the light this time as he whirled to face Keith, nearly falling off the bed. "Nothing!"

Veronica stifled her laughter. "Hello, Keith."

Keith nodded at her, leaning against the doorframe. "Hey, Veronica. Lance, I've been waiting by the hovercrafts for half an hour."

"O-Oh, sorry! I'll be right there." Lance said. Veronica smiled inside as she noticed the stutter. Oh, little brother. You've got it bad.

Keith looked at him curiously but left without asking questions. Lance turned to his sister, the blush fading, but not completely going away. "This does not reach Keith."

Veronica shrugged nonchalantly. "Okay."

Lance pointed a finger threateningly at her. "I mean it. If Mullet hears about any of this, I will personally sic Kosmo on you. Understand?"

"Lance, I get it. I promise I won't tell Keith." Veronica held up a hand, getting off the bed and moving toward the door. "I swear."

Her little brother stared at her for another moment before relaxing some. "All right." He left the room, presumably to catch up with Keith.

Veronica exited behind him, closing the door. Turning in the opposite direction, she set off to find the other gamblers. Lance never said I couldn't tell anyone other than Keith. Pidge'll want to hear this.

#Klance #KeithxLance #LancexKeith #VoltronLegendaryDefender #Voltron #VLD #legendaryspacegays

[lovemesomesurveys]

Whats your name? Stephanie. Empty your pockets FOOL! what’s in them? No pockets. I never use ‘em anyway. Are there any bands you have just started listening to? No. Have you got anything fun planned this week? We’ve been wanting to go see Captain Marvel, but there hasn’t been a day that works for us between my mom and brother’s schedules. What is your opinions on valentines day? cheesetastic is it not? It’s just another day for me, but I’m sure it could be fun and cute for some people.

What way are your feet positioned now? My legs are to the side. Do you know anyone who deserves a good smack in the face? No. What is the last item you purchased and what was its price? Food. I spent $10. Are you particular with grammar/spelling? I am. Dus Dese m@kE u wanT to PoUr SulphURiC aCiD dwn my tHroat? This is a crime. Or even those kind of questions in surveys?^ I don’t see anyone typing like that anymore, thankfully. What is the last thing you wrote? (typing is not writing, btw) My signature. Don’t you just hate when you get writer’s block? I’m not a writer. Who is the last person that gave you butterflies? Doctor, but not in a good way. have you ever told a guy/girl that you were gay so they would stop hitting on you? No. What were you doing half an hour ago? My Bible study. What is the worst film you have ever watched? There’s been a few crappy ones. When is the last time you have travelled abroad? I went to Mexico once, back in like 2007. Do you ever think the words ‘nope’ and 'yep’ are really strange? Nope. Do you watch rugby? No. Do you have an outfit that you consider your 'seduction outfit’? Ha, no. Unless someone is really into the very casual look that consists of leggings, sweats, pajama pants, and oversized shirts. Does it bother you when people throw cigarette butts out of car windows? Yes. Or any trash. I saw a guy yesterday who was heading into a store throw his trash into a shopping cart that was in the parking lot. Like really???? There’s typically a trash can right outside the store or one inside. What would you consider an inappropriate question to be asked on bzoink? Uhhh. What is the last fruit you have eaten? I don’t recall. :X Is there anything you would rather be doing right now? I’d like to go get Wingstop. lol so okay here’s a stupid ramble for you: Yesterday I was craving wings and Wingstop is my jam, but it’s out of the way and we were on a time schedule cause my bro had work. There’s actually one nearby where he works, but I didn’t want him to go there to get it, bring it back to me, and then have to go back that way for work, ya know? Anyway, we ended up going to another wing place near us and I got the flavor I’d get at Wingstop (garlic parm) thinking it would be good and fine and I’d satisfy my wings craving. Wellll, I was wrong. They should have been called, “zesty garlic parm” cause they were spicy af. I used to be obSESSED with spicy food, but a few years ago I unfortunately developed a sensitivity to it and my taste buds and stomach can’t handle it anymore, which really, REALLY sucks. So, obviously because of that I wasn’t able to eat them and I was really bummed. D: I wanted to go to Wingstop today for lunch cause the craving is still alive and well, but that won’t be happening because my bro is currently without a car (his is broken down at the moment and he didn’t want to get up and take my mom to work earlier so that we’d have her car). :/ Ya girl needs her wings, damn it.

So ridiculous, I know. Are you sending anyone a valentines card this year? I didn’t, no. I never do. Have you ever drank an entire bottle of jagermeister by yourself? Noooo. I could never. What was the last thing you received in the post? Bills. Is there any odd things in your garden? We don’t have a garden. What phase is the moon tonight? *shrug* Why do you like the last song you listened to? I forget what song that was at the moment. If you could go on a date with any celebrity who would it be? Alexander Skarsgard, duh. Has anyone ever spread a rumour about you? No. Have you ever had to get stiches? why? Yeah, several due to surgical procedures. Do you like what you see in the mirror today? Ew. What is the last video you watched on youtube? I’m watching/listening to an ASMR video currently. Have you ever submitted any videos yourself on youtube? Yes. Are you on any social networking sites? All the main ones. Which is better, mock the week or eight out of ten cats? ...What. would i be right in guessing you don’t know what i’m talking about?^:P You’d be correct. Do you prefer to have ice with your drinks? No. Have you ever made a drunken phonecall? No. Have you ever recieved a drunken phonecall? Texts*, yes. Are there any supposedly haunted areas where you live? Maybe. Do you know anyone personally who has commited suicide? No. Have you ever went banana boating? xD What is that? What is the last thing you done that made you feel guilty? I feel that way often. Would you rather be buried or cremated? Cremated. What happens to my body really doesn’t matter, though. I believe in heaven and so where my spirit goes is what matters to me. Have you ever walked through a graveyard at night? Nooo. Have you ever went knacker drinking? (drinking in a forest, park etc) No. I’ve never heard it called that. Are there any really good local bands where you live? Not that I know of, but I’m not involved in that scene. What about really crap ones? *shrug* What sweets do you normally buy at the cinema? I don’t get any. I only get popcorn. What was the last injection you received? was it sore? I think it was an antibiotic. That was years ago, though. Have you ever been badly bitten by an animal? No. Have you ever dropped a penny off a really high building? No. Does going lingerie shopping embarrass you? I don’t go lingerie shopping. Do you have any beauty spots/moles? Yeah. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, pistachios, and peanuts.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[elshopper]

Secrets

... aka my contribution to Stories From Summer, spearheaded by the lovely @mikeweezers!! Thank you so much for all your hard work in organizing and including me in this incredible group of writers!! And yes, I know this is one day late, but I scheduled it before midnight the night of so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Prompt #30: Girls Night, in which Max and El attend their very first sleepover.

wc: 3,009 

summary: Honestly El and Max have a sleepover and bond and stuff. Need I say more??? It’s cute I promise.

Read below or on ao3 here!!

Max was a little reluctant at first.

Actually, she was a lot reluctant at first.

It all started at the lake behind Dustin’s house… if you could call a snake-infested pond a lake. All the summer blockbusters at the theatre had been watched three times over. All the hikes up the quarry had been made. All the ice cream trucks had been chased down. It was late July, and now, all that was left of summer was the horribly sticky heat. Max hated to admit it, but she almost wanted to go back to school.

After mentioning on occasion how she totally took summers in California for granted (what with the beaches and the nice weather and the lack of snake-infested ponds), her friends had been gracious enough to plan a picnic by the water. Except the water was a really funky shade of green and their meal consisted of greasy burgers from McDonalds smashed in the bottom of Will’s backpack.

Everyone was pretending to enjoy it. For her. She appreciated the gesture, but was it really worth it to sit and suffer while risk getting eaten alive?

“I’m calling it,” Dustin said, reading her mind. He pulled his back pack towards him and started to unzip the front pocket. “This blows.”

The cicadas screamed in agreement.

“It’s, like, one million degrees out here and – oh shit!”

Out of the front pocket of his backpack, Dustin pulled out what used to be a bag of gummy worms. Instead, they were now a hot, sticky bag of rainbow-colored goo.

“I’m sorry, El. I really am. I’m gonna bring you double next time, I swear.”

His apology was sincere, but El still glared at him while twiddling a blade of grass in between her fingers.  She had really developed a major sweet tooth over the past few months, heightened by the fact that she only got to leave the cabin every once in a while. In fact, every time they chased down an ice cream truck, it was because Mike told them that she wanted some.

El rolled her eyes and sighed, her expression softening.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to bring me double.”

“I really can! It’s no big deal…”

Their chatter continued until Max finally spoke up.

“Can we get back to the part where this blows?”

She had their attention now, and she could tell each one of them was trying and failing to find another alternative.

“Yeah, but what else are we going to do?” Lucas said, fiddling with a twig he found in the grass.

“Why don’t we just watch a movie?” Mike asked.

“We’ve seen them all already,” Dustin replied. “I don’t think I can go see European Vacation again.”

“We can just watch one at my house,” Mike suggested.

“What movie do you have that we haven’t seen a thousand times?” Lucas asked.

“None,” Will answered, “but I bet he has some El hasn’t seen a thousand times.”

That seemed to perk everyone up. They just loved showing El normal people things in the same way they loved to show Max all of the reasons why Indiana sucks.

“El what movies have you not seen?” Dustin asked, but Mike and Lucas shot him a how on earth would she know look. Sure enough…

“I don’t know,” El replied.

“I don’t think she’s seen Raiders of the Lost Ark,” Will supplied.

“Um yeah, she has. In June,” Mike said, as if everyone should be keeping track.

“Well guess what?” Dustin said, mocking Mike’s tone. “There’s a sequel! El have you seen Temple of Doom?”

Before she could reply, Dustin kept on, “… because if you haven’t you’re really gonna lose your shit when they get past the –“

“How is she going to lose her shit when you already told her what happens?”

“There’s something to be said for cinematic storytelling, Lucas.”

“Dustin, that makes no sense.”

“What do you mean it makes no sense?”

As they bickered on, Max met El’s gaze and she discretely rolled her eyes. Max stifled a giggle. El had really come to enjoy eye-rolling too. When there was a break in the argument, El reminded them gently.

“I’ve seen Temple of Doom.”

“Well, damn.”

“El, it’s your first summer. What do you want to do?” Max asked, trying to get the ball rolling again. El was always a big fan of the burger place with the name she was always forgetting, but they just finishing up their gourmet meal of Quarter-Pounders and soggy fries. There was a candy shop down town that was likely already closed. Their options really were running low.

“I want to have a sleepover.”

Silence. Even from the cicadas.

“You know, like they do on TV.”

It was times like these where everyone turned to Mike to do the explaining, but it was also times like these where Mike turned beet red and had no idea what to say.

“Well, I mean… you know… we can’t all…”

“I know that,” El snapped, offended. She was trying to act like she didn’t already ask and receive painful explanation from the chief a few weeks prior. “I mean me and Max.”

Besides the occasional smile and shared eye rolls, Max was positive this was the first time El had showed any intention of actually being friends. Although she wasn’t positive about the reason, she assumed it was something to do with the feeling of being replaced. A feeling Max knew a little too well watching her mom’s attention shift to her idiot step-brother the minute she married his dad. So, she stayed back, let wounds heal, and tried not to take it too personally. Lucas said she didn’t really like new people anyway.

To avoid any awkward situations or small talk (Max loathed small-talk), she could easily make an excuse. But the look on El’s face made her understand why Mike had made them chase after so many ice cream trucks. If the two were going to be friends, they were going to have to start somewhere.

“Um, yeah! We can have a… girls night,” Max said, her voice wavering.

Surprisingly enough, El actually looked a little relieved.

“Cool,” she said. “I’ll tell Hop you’re going to stay.”

Max arrived a little after 8:00 with her duffle bag tossed over her shoulder. With all the hype about El’s first sleepover, Max had almost forgotten that she’d never really had a sleepover either. She was just never the type of person to make friends with other girls. So, she had absolutely no idea what to bring. She didn’t have any nail polish or face masks or magazines – nor did she enjoy any activities that involved those things. She just brought her pajamas and her toothbrush. But just in case, Max did stash a tape of her very favorite movie – Grease – into the bottom of her bag.

She had never told a soul about it being her favorite. When her mom wouldn’t let her see it, she rode her skateboard to a video store down the street with her saved-up weekly allowance and bought it on tape. She would watch it when she was home alone. She had probably seen it a million times, but she knew someone who probably hadn’t…

“Hey kid,” the chief grumbled, trying to squeeze out a smile when he opened the door. “Do you want anything to eat?”

“No, I’m fine, thank you,” Max said as she stepped through the creaky threshold.

After a beat of painful silence, Max asked, “So where’s –”

“Oh, El’s in her room,” Hopper said, pointing toward the door to the right with white light flashing through the crack above the floor. “Some show is on, I don’t know.”

Max nodded and moved towards the door.

“I’m going to bed if you need me,” Hopper said, and laid back down on the couch.

Max creaked open El’s door slowly and was not shocked to find exactly what she had expected.

Illuminated by the soft white light of the television, El was wrapped in a cocoon of blankets with a bowl full of popcorn in her lap. Her eyes were wide and focused on the screen, as she mindlessly shoved popcorn in her mouth. Max shut the door behind her.

“You’re just in time,” El said, her vision staying locked on the TV. “Break just ended.”

Max dropped her bag at the foot of the bed.

“You’re watching that TV like it’s the president’s funeral,” Max teased. It was something her dad used to say to her when she watched cartoons as a kid.

“Who’s the president again?”

“Ronald Reagan.” Max sat down next to El on the bed, and El scooted over ever so slightly to make room.

“Right.”

Someone on TV pulled a knife out of a drawer, and El’s eyes grew even wider (if that were possible) and she sat up taller as if to get a better look. Max was okay with watching TV with El, even if soaps drove her nuts. Making friends took time and effort. Just hanging out with El while she watched her weird shows was just going to be the time part.

“Mike’s dad talks about him.”

“The guy with the knife?” Max asked in concern. El laughed.

“No. Ronald Reagan.”

“I’m shocked he has an opinion about anything since he never gives a shit where his kids are.”

After thinking about it for a split second, El stifled a laugh under her breath.

“Sometimes I think I’d kill to have parents who didn’t care where I went,” Max said wistfully.  “You know, I had to make up this whole story about going camping with some girl from school so my mom wouldn’t try to call someone’s house.”

“You lied?” El’s tone was accusatory.

“Right, like you’ve never lied to your parents.” Max fired back, and as the words fell out of her mouth she felt her stomach drop. She wished she could grab the words put them back in. Of course El hadn’t lied to her parents before. She had never had any. Instead of being met with shit from any of the boys, the room was silent marking their absence. She had to fill the quiet with something.

“I mean… you know… you have to have lied to some…”

“I’ve lied to my parents,” El responded, totally oblivious to Max’s panic. “Parent,” she corrected herself. Even though he acted as one, Max had never heard El refer to the chief as one of her parents before.

“You lied to Hopper?”

“Yeah.”

“About…”

“About where I went.”

“Where did you go?”

El finally broke her gaze from the television (the guy with the knife had stashed it in his briefcase before the commercial break) and looked at Max. She took a deep breath.

“To the city.”

Max knew how easy it was to scare El into silence. Instead of taking a quizzical tone, she brushed the new information off.

“The city? Which city, El? There’s more than one.” Max asked casually, reverting her attention back to the TV and grabbing a handful of El’s popcorn. The guy with the knife had shown up on some woman’s doorstep looking awfully shady. She would be lying if she didn’t admit she was a little invested. El looked at Max, offended that she had stolen some of her popcorn, but she relented and moved the bowl in between the two of them. Max grabbed another handful.

“The big one.”

“Indianapolis?”

“No.”

“I’m going to keep bugging you until you tell me. Fort Wayne?”

“Chicago.”

Max raised her eyebrows.

“All by yourself?”

“Yes,” El said, shrinking down a bit.

“That’s badass,” Max replied.

She was missing key details, but Max didn’t want to press to hard. If she was going to guess, that’s where El was last November right before she met them at Will’s house. When she asked Lucas, he said that El would tell them when she wanted to. She figured that Lucas was referring to the rest of the group with the exception of Mike, since he was the one she did most of her talking to.  

The show cut to a shot of a bloody knife on the ground and El tensed. That was the end of that. When the credits were finally rolling, El turned to her.

“Now you have to tell me something.”

Max laughed.

“What do you mean I have to tell you something?”

“A secret you haven’t told anyone.”

“You haven’t told anyone you went to Chicago by yourself?”

“No,”

“Not even – ”

“No,” El said, cutting Max off, her tone urgent. “Don’t tell him yet.”

“Um, don’t worry,” Max said. She picked up El’s pinky with her own. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

El smiled.

“He just gets so worried sometimes,” she said.

Max laughed again.

“Mike? Worried? Really?”

That one really set El off, and she began laughing so hard the popcorn spilled onto her bed spread.

“Shit,” El muttered under her breath. That made Max laugh, and then both the girls were laughing hard enough to drown out the Nair commercial playing on TV.

Once they picked the kernels off El’s quilt, she was quick to jump back to the secret thing.

“You still haven’t told me something.”

“Technically I don’t have to tell you a secret.”

“Yes, you do. Those are the rules.”

“This isn’t how truth or dare is played, El.”

“We’re not playing truth or dare.”

Max rolled her eyes.

“Fine. But you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

El nodded, sitting up and eagerly anticipating whatever Max had to say.

Max reached down into her duffle bag, rummaging around for the tape.

“This,” Max started, “is my favorite movie of all time. Grease.”

“Grease?” El asked, taking the tape and looking at the pretty people on the cover.

“Yeah, but you can’t tell anyone.”

“Why not?”

“It’s too girly. It’s a musical.”

“So?”

“So, I brought it because it’s right up your alley,” Max said. By the look on her face, Max could tell the idiom was completely lost on El.

“You’d love it,” she corrected.

“That’s not a secret.”

“Yes, it is! You said something I’ve never told anyone! You’re the only person on earth who knows I even own that on tape.”

“Well it’s not the secret I’m looking for.”

“And what type of secret are you looking for? Because I don’t have any –”

“Boy secrets,” El said. Max scoffed.

“You think I have boy secrets?”

“That’s what girls talk about at sleepovers.”

“Not it is not!”

“Yes, it is.”

Max knew exactly what was happening, and she was somewhat impressed. El was trying to be coy about trying to get some information out of her.

“Well, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment, because I don’t have any boy secrets because I don’t like any boys.”

El hummed and narrowed her eyes.

“You’re lying.”

“Um, no! I’m not.”

“You are.”

“Not!”

“Max.”

“What?”

“Friends don’t – “

“Yeah, yeah, I know okay?”

“So why are you lying?”

“I’m not lying.”

“So, we’re not friends.”

The playful tone from before was replace with something that sounded like hurt. Max took a deep breath. If she was being honest, she technically didn’t have a boy secret. Everyone pretty much knew. But that didn’t mean she needed to say it out loud. In fact, Max couldn’t remember a time she admitted out loud to anyone that she had feelings for a boy. She was easy to blush, and Max could feel it creeping up on her cheeks. El noticed, and her hardened expression melted a little.

“I mean…” Max started. Ugh.

El sat up and moved toward Max, looking at her with the same wide-eyed fascination that she was watching TV with just minutes earlier.

“Lucas is nice, I guess.”

“I knew it.”

“Well if you knew it, why was it such a big deal?” Max said, shoving El’s shoulder a little bit. She giggled and pushed back before grabbing Max’s pinky like she had before.

“Your secret’s safe with me.”

“It better be,” Max said.

El picked up the tape from her lap.

“Do you want to show me this?”

Max nodded, and shuffled over to the VHS, pushed it in, and pressed play.

El was mesmerized. So much was happening. People were singing and dancing and wearing such weird clothes. And Max was beginning to understand why Mike liked showing El new things so much. She was so funny to watch.

In the middle of the sleepover scene – one El was particularly excited to see – El tapped Max on the shoulder to ask a question.

“That brown bag has wine in it, it’s alcohol. It’s illegal to drink it underage. And I’ve heard it tastes like shit,” Max said.

“I know that,” El said back. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Max laughed, expecting a joke, but the look on her face actually looked remorseful.

“El, what are you sorry for?”

“You were new. I was mean to you.”

“Oh, yeah that,” Max said, shifting her gaze to her hands in her lap. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

“Well, I am,” El said.

“Well, thanks.” Max said. They both turned their attention back to the movie, both with smiles growing on their faces.

On the other side of the door, Jim Hopper was just trying to get some sleep. He had an early shift tomorrow. Just because all the kids are on summer vacation, didn’t mean that everyone else was. It was a Wednesday night for Christ’s sake.

He was seconds away from banging on the door and calling lights out when he heard El laugh through the door. He hadn’t heard her laugh – at least not at home, where she felt trapped and alone – in God knows when. He didn’t even know she was that close to the Mayfield kid. But it was a good thing, he supposed. He smiled to himself as he wrapped his pillow around his head, covering his ears.

What’s the harm in a girl’s night after all?

a/n: I have been super busy with life changes and all that fun adult stuff (!!!!!) and haven’t written in 5-ever... so I’m so glad I had this as an excuse to get the juices flowing again... 3k words???? Who am I right now. So much dialogue whew. Anyway, I edited this in a hurry so be forgiving, but I had so much fun writing it and being a part of this series!!!! It’s been so cool to read everyone’s work. I know it’s getting kind of boring around here, but the best is yet to come!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

tagging the sfs crew and praying these are all your correct users: [ @mikeweezers][ @el-and-hop ][ @summer-in-hawkins ][ @partwayhappy ][ @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold ][ @janeswheeler ][ @cstlebyrs ][ @formerlyjannafaye ][ @jane-el-hopper ][ @themikewheelers ][ @elizabthturner ][ @the-proud-princess ][ @itcouldbendoritcouldbreak ][ @scottsclarke ][ @the-most-beautiful-broom ][ @hannahberrie ][ @dancingskygreen ][ @mileven-and-contemplation ][ @eddieksgazebos ][ @mikeswheelers ][ @moodyandmoonyeyed ][ @jopper-chopper ][ @earlgreyteagirl ][ @janehoppers ][ @michael-hearteyes-wheeler ][ @stevemossington ][ @thezoomermax ][ @dustinhendrsn ][ @mothersnail ][ @writer-lia ]

#stranger things #stranger things season 2 #stranger things season 3 #st #eleven #jane hopper #el hopper #max mayfield #mike wheeler #dustin henderson #lucas sinclair #will byers #the party #stranger things fan fiction #stories from summer #sfs #writing things #martie writes #holy shit i haven't written anything in a long ass time #but im excited about this!!!!! yay #should i tag this as elmax? idk im gonna go for it #elmax #with a minor dose of #mileven #lumax #jim hopper #the hoppers #stranger things 2 #also #grease

[beepbeeprichiellc]

Pink Lemonade

Summary: Richie Tozier finds himself in a sticky situation and is forced to hide in a closet for safety. He wasn't expecting to find the space already occupied, and he defiantly wasn't expecting to enjoy the company so much.

A/N: *Warnings: Homophobic Comments, Sexual Situations/Themes.* The boys are in their senior year of high school, so 18+. I love Richie's mouth in this one, he is so sassy!! Might consider part two if people like it, if not no biggie.

Word Count: 2009

Masterlist

Part: 1 (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9)

The boy’s loud, lustful moan echoed against the concrete walls. Richie felt his hair being pulled as his pace quickened, knowing his already busy mouth would soon be overwhelmed. He snuck a glance at his partner, his half lidded eyes casted upwards in complete bliss and it took everything in Richie’s power not to smirk or crack a joke. The climax came quickly, forcing a sour taste down the trashmouths throat. He cringed, pulling away.

“Fuck that was good.” The large football player moaned, doing up his jeans and pushing himself away from the bathroom wall.

Richie nodded, giving a thumbs up as he walked to the sink and spit. Running the water he washed out his mouth, feeling the salty flavor cling to the inside of his cheeks. “Glad I could be of service.” He muttered, smirking over to the bulky boy. “Next time we should switch.” He joked, chuckling to himself lightly, knowing that the likelihood of him getting off was just as about as good as this losers chances of an academic scholarship.

“I’m no faggot.” The football player hissed, glaring at the lanky boy before him.

Richie turned off the faucet, raising his eyebrow, “You kind of are, I mean I literally just got you off.”

“You sucked my dick, you’re the faggot not me.” He retorted harshly, his rationality adding up poorly.

“Hmm.” Richie looked over to the jock and smiled, amused by his homophobia despite what he had practically begged him to do yet again. “The way I see it,” He mused, confidence brimming in his eyes. “If you orgasm from the stimulation of another man then you my good sir, are gay.”

“You better watch what you say Tozier.”

The warning merely slipped right passed Richie as he continued, “I mean does your cheerleader girlfriend know what you’re doing afterschool in these here bathrooms?”

“You better shut the fuck up, or I’ll-“

“I’ll have to ask her if having your dicked sucked by another male makes you homosexual or not. I’m curious about her opinion on the subject.” Richie saw the jock move and instantly threw himself to the side, allowing the oversized senior to crash into the sink. The buffoon let out a loud protest before rebounding and bolting towards the other boy.

“I’m going to fucking kill you trashmouth.” The football player bellowed, following Richie as he bolted through the bathroom door and out into the hallway.

Their footsteps screeched against the tile floor, becoming the only sound in the empty school. Richie knew he was faster than the tank behind him, who had at least seventy pounds on his lanky ass, but he also know there weren’t too many places to run to in such a small high school which meant he needed to hide.

He cut down the hall leading into the lunchroom and heard the jocks steps fall behind. Taking the opportunity he rushed into the nearest janitor’s closet, closing the door behind him tightly. His heart ponded against his chest and he let out a slow, desperate sigh of relief.

“This room is taken.”

Richie nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of the small voice, he quickly turned around and met the chocolate eyes of a petite boy, his face swollen and bruised. The boy tried to continue but Richie quickly covered his mouth to silence him. Moving his finger to his lips he motioned for the kid to stay silent, the sound of the jocks footsteps becoming louder and louder.

There was a slew of curse words following the noise of the jocks heavy breathing. Richie smirked as he passed the closet, continuing down the hallway before turning the next corner. He chuckled lightly, feeling a weight lift itself off of his chest. “Damn, I thought he was going to kill me.” He muttered, still holding on to the small boy.

The other kid pulled his face away from Richie’s hand, narrowing his eyes at him. “Your hands smell disgusting.” He hissed, “Don’t you ever wash them?”

Richie turned to him then, taking him in fully. “Hey I know you.” He commented, smirking slightly at the memory. “You’re that neat freak who hangs with the bird boy and the stuttering kid.”

“I have a name.”

“Right, right.” The trashmouth mused, twirling his hands in the air, motioning for the name to come back. “Edmund or something.”

“Eddie.” He corrected, nearly growling in annoyance. “My name is Eddie Kaspbrak.”

“Yeah Eddie, that’s it.” The lanky boy smirked, snapping his fingers. “Hey, it’s nice to meet you Eds my dear. Names Richard Tozier, but my friends call me Richie.”

“I know who you are.” Eddie replied harshly, causing Richie to smile.

Richie faked gasped, clutching his chest. “Have we met?”

“You’re the joker of Derry High, kind of hard to miss.” He answered, sneering in his direction. “And I was here first so you need to-“

“Who’s got you on the run?” Richie asked, ignoring Eddie’s obvious annoyance. “Same kid that gave you that shiner?”

Eddie cringed, grazing his hand along his already bruised skin. He frowned, before sneering. “Henry Bowers caught me right after last period.” He explained, his eyes becoming heavy with an emotion that Richie could not pinpoint.

“Yeah, I hear that kid is an asshole.” Richie replied, trying to push down the bubbling emotion in this throat. “Real big too, got held back a few grades.”

“And you? What are you doing here?” Eddie asked, his eyes clearing of the storm within him. “I thought you could talk yourself out of anything.”

“Normally I can but I got the captain of the football team pretty heated up.” He replied, amused by truth his own statement. “He’s such a homophobe.”

“Yeah I’m aware.” Eddie added, shrugging his shoulders. “He’s got me a few times in the locker room.”

Richie felt his face flush, looking at the boy he raised an eyebrow, “You’re a queer Eddie boy?” The small boy flinched, although Richie wasn’t sure if it was from the harsh terminology or the nick name. Eddie’s gaze dropped and he merely shrugged not answering the question fully. Richie chuckled, “Well let me tell you, the caption of Derry High’s football team is defiantly gay himself so don’t take his abuse to heart.”

“How would you even know that?” Eddie hissed, leaning against the furthest wall, putting what little space he could between the two. “What are you physic or something?”

“No but I just sucked his dick and that’s about as gay as it comes.”

“What the fuck?” Eddie stammered, “Are you serious?”

“As serious as that shirt you’re wearing.” He replied, motioning to Eddie’s bright blue polo. “Been doing it for the past month and he comes quicker than the fucking road runner.”

“That’s-“Eddie muttered, shuttering. “That’s disgusting.”

Richie shrugged, tasting the lingering saltiness in the back of his throat. “What, you’ve never been with anyone? That’s just how it goes Eddie Spaghetti.”

“Will you stop it with the fucking nick-names?” Eddie hissed, shifting his weight under him awkwardly.

“So I take that as a no.” Richie snickered, amused by the boys uncomfortableness. “How do you even know you’re gay if you’ve never been with anyone?”

Eddie recoiled, looking at his feet. He played with his hands before responding softly to his shoes, “You’re supposed to love the person you have sex with and I’ve never been in love.”

Richie couldn’t help the laugh that erupted in his chest. He used his hands to quiet himself but it failed as his voice filled the air. “What you think that I loved that lug-nut?” He mused, clutching his sides. “Sex has nothing to do with love Eds, it’s all about getting your rocks off not filling your head with all that emotional shit.”

“Wow, you’re just the pride and joy of Derry aren’t you?” Eddie bit, standing from the wall. “You’re sick.”

“I’m truthful.” Richie corrected, his laughter dying down into a chuckle. “Just wait till your first time, it’s defiantly not like it’s made out to be in the movies.”

Eddie’s face was red with embarrassment. He brushed past the taller boy, opening the door and exiting. Richie rolled his eyes, following him for the simple fact he was sure the jock had given up his chase by now. “Don’t need to get mad Eds, I was just telling it like it was.” He spoke, taking long stride to catch up with him.

“Don’t call me Eds.” He hissed, walking through the hallway quickly. “And leave me alone, go blow some guy in the bathroom.”

Richie staggered for a moment, stunned by the harsh statement. He recovered quickly, hurrying through the high school doors with the other boy. “Hey, I think you owe me an apology.” He joked, taking the steps two at a time and abruptly stopping in front of Eddie, forcing him to a halt. “That hurt.” He mocked, pouting his lip and tilting his head.

Eddie scoffed and moved past his obstacle, grumbling something under his breath. Richie smiled, skipping up next tom him as they walked through the parking lot, which now only consisted of two cars, Richie’s beat up truck and what he could only assume was Eddie’s blue something or rather.

Richie found he was actually enjoying himself, completely comfortable with the small boys company. The only person who had ever made him feel so at ease was Beverly, and that had actually taken some time. No one had ever calmed him so quickly and Richie was afraid to let it end. “Is that your car?” he mused as they neared the blue painted vehicle. “It’s kind of gay you know. I mean couldn’t pick another c-“

He was instantly cut off by the boy who zombie rose from the driver’s seat. A surprised squeak dropped from Richie’s lips and he jumped back instantly. Eddie laughed, and Richie drank in the sweet sound. “Awe, what did Bill scare you?” He sneered, opening the car door.

“No.”

“W-who is this?” The boy at the wheel asked, looking over the trashmouth before scrunching up his face.

“Hey, it’s the stuttering dude!” Richie mused, pointing to Bill enthusiastically. “I’m Richie, Eddie Spaghetti and I hid out in a closet this afternoon. We had a very heartfelt conversation about the difference between love and sex.”

“W-what the f-fuck? “ Bill muttered, looking at Eddie with wide eyes.

“Ignore him.” Eddie mumbled, sliding into the passenger seat. “He’s just the schools trashmouth.”

Richie gasped dramatically, again gripping his chest. “I thought we were becoming friends! We had such a fun time in the closet.” He joked, holding Eddie’s door open with one hand smiling down at his annoyed face. “I mean we could have a bright future together Eds.��

“D-did I miss s-something?” Bill asked, turning the ignition and awaking the car. “W-what-“

“He’s just fucking with me.” Eddie bit, smacking at Richie’s hand until he dropped his grip. “He’s apparently an asshole like that.”

“So I’ll see you tomorrow then Eddie Spaghetti?” Richie jeered, clicking his tongue and shooting his fingers at the very aggravated boy. “We’ll do lunch.”

“No-“

“Okay then! Bye-bye new friends!” He cheered, closing the car door and cutting off Eddie’s protest. He watched the boy pout in the driver’s seat, glaring daggers at the school fool. The car moved, pulling from the parking space and driving out of the lot. Richie waved at them until they were out of sight, consumed by the now fading sun.

The lanky boy whistled a light tune as he strolled towards his truck, smiling uncontrollably. He thought of the small boy with the wrong assumptions of love, admiring the purity of the entire thing. Although he would never admit it, Richie found himself liking the boy. He but his mind at ease, even if he hated all of his stupid jokes or his ideas of sex.

Whatever the case, for the first time ever, Richie Motherfucking Tozier was looking forward to the next day of school.

#reddie #it #it 2017 #it fanfiction #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #bill denbrough

[nullset2]

Why New 3D Mario Games Suck

Before I go to bed I want to write a quick article about my opinions of Mario games. Ah, Mario games... I will never tire of you. Crisp and clean, to the point and joyfully so. Just jump, mofocka. Games that revel in the concept of moving around, making it inherently fun. Is there more noble of a proposition in gaming? Has there ever been more lucid game design?

Yet, I think that modern Mario games suck.

Like everyone and their grandmother (and if your grandmother plays Mario send her my regards, she's cool as hell, dude) I've been playing Mario 3D All Stars to have me a nice time. However it does reinforce this idea that I've always had, that Mario games, even though they may share the same broad aesthetic values and mechanics, are different from each other by nature. In this article, I propose that this change over time has actually been for the worse, leading to a loss of complexity in platforming game design with each successive iteration which is being traded away in favor of more cinematics and bombastics.

First things first, we have the beautiful Mario 64. A timeless classic and most of us' first foray into 3D games (yes, this was the very first game I ever played where the notion of the third dimension actually mattered. I had already played Star Fox but in Star Fox you don't really move in three dimensions, you're just in a plane going on rails and you cannot move completely freely). I played this before I even touched Doom or other first person games of the sort.

Minor parentheses by the way: did you know that Star Fox was inspired on the Inari Taisha temple? The beautiful, big long mountain shrine in Kyoto full of orange gates?

Fox translates to Inari and its creator, Dylan Cuthberth, who loved Japan a lot, got inspiration from it which he applied to his new bizarre fucking mind bending 3D tech which he then pitched and sold to nintendo and then became the basis for the Ultra 64, which was to come, and thus one of the main pillars of all modern 3D gaming as a whole? Holy shit, right? In Star Fox you cross gates to gain powerups and to make it fun to maneuver around with your Airwing... How come that I had never seen the connection?

But anyway. Back to Mario 64.

It is commonly told that Mario 64 was created by Miyamoto parting from the concept of a "secret garden". Most of the development time initially, it is said, was spent on Miyamoto and Tezuka, Mario creators, fine tuning the movement system in an isolated garden map without any enemies or hazards.

The purpose of the secret garden was threefold: first, the team was used to designing Mario games as 2d platformers and they were uncertain about how to take Mario games into the 3D era (a literal, flat-out equivalent conversion of classic mario, think Super Mario World, powerups and all, was considered at a certain point in development, creating linear, obstacle course stages with a beginning and a goal, the remnants of which still linger in the final game as the bowser stages, an idea which was finally fleshed out with the Mario 3D series on the Nintendo 3DS and Wii U, 20 years later (!)), so they needed a way to hash out ideas about how to design this new installment.

Second, Miyamoto took as one of the goals of the project to design Mario's movement with a supreme level of fidelity, so he'd use this area to test and test and test all of Mario's acrobatics, to make them feel smooth, convincing and entertaining to play. He'd say that as long as a move didn't feel right in the garden, it couldn't be used in the final game, creating in the end as something that feels a little bit like ninja acrobatics on rollerskates or ice skating.

Third, the team eventually realized that, since 3D content was incredibly expensive to create back in 1995, when commonplace computer 3D animation and design was still quite in its infancy, they needed to develop the skill to design little sandboxes which were good enough to run around in over and over without getting tired of them (think of it as if constructing a highly detailed, complex diorama, an idea fleshed out finally in Captain Toad from Super Mario 3D world, again, 20 years later (!)). This was to create more content for the game while reusing the same architecture and geometry for the levels, since resource usage had to be maximized. The remnants of the garden are still present in the final game, as the Castle Grounds.

So, do you see the level of SOUL invested here? The level of care, the amount of love placed into each and everyone of Mario's moves in Super Mario 64? And the results show it: the game allows the player to tackle all objectives at their own pace, in their own terms, however way they can. The game forces nothing down your throat: blast to the island in the sky? Well, maybe just long jump to it if you're gutsy enough, no need to wait until you unlock cannons. Or get the 8 red coins first if you want. Or just fuck it, and go and release the chain chomp first because he looks very cool and this is probably the first power star that all people who play the game get first. Or just, fuck it, you can skip that objective all together if you want, just collect enough stars for the next door unlock.

Jump, double jump, triple jump, dive, dive from jump, punch, breakdance kick, backflip, turn and backflip, long jump, wall jump, grab objects and throw, jump-shortkick, slide down, ground pound, fly from triple jump, swim, crouch... and even crawl. I count a total of 20 possible interactions with the environment, maybe even more I'm missing. All movements completely available to you from the start to mix and match the way you best see fit (except for flying, which is unlocked like 15 minutes into the game). The world is yours and you're free, go nuts son. The only variable is your skill at the movement system.

So you can probably see why this is delicious design. There's never a single way to clear most power stars in the game, instead the decision is left to the player, which the game trusts is smart enough to figure out solutions to problems on their own. Wanna jump for it? Sure, if you can. Want to wait unil you got the powerup? That's cool too. Want to go play another level? Sure thing! OR FUCK IT! JUST RACE THE KOOPA IF YOU WANT!

So you can probably see why I loathe the fact that the sequel was based exclusively on giving people a dumbed down version of the same shit, with a fucking dumb water pack.

Come 2002 and under pressure to perform, the team releases Super Mario Sunshine and it's the most bland, dumbed down sequel ever (though, could anyone really live up to such a predecessor's prowess?). In an attempt to make the game accessible to more players (tm), the game is stripped out of its complexity. Mario no longer moves as a gracious, roller skating gazelle that can navigate the world in the most agile and beautiful way ever. Instead you screech down to a halt the second you stop pushing the direction stick instead of providing people with that most delicious sense of momentum and friction SM64 had. Boo Hoo! Baby think 3D platforming is too hard? BABY CANNOT HANDLE PING PING WAHOO ON THE N64? Then we give babby a water nozzle which will allow them to correct any miscalculated jump ever (it's insulting that this is the best solution they managed to come up with) HOORAY!

But hey! Sunshine has good things about it! Uh... the water is pretty! (that's probably where all the development time and resources probably went anyway).

SAY WHAT? WE GOT TO RELEASE THIS YEAR? AND THEY WANT US TO INCLUDE 120 STARS AGAIN? FUCK! WE RAN OUT OF TIME; JUST ADD BLUE COINS, DUDE! YEAH WHATEVER! SHIP IT! THIS IS THE GAME! I'M GONNA GO LIE DOWN AND HAVE A BEER! FUCK IT!

Mario Sunshine is not a bad game, but it's not a bold, groundbreaking game like its predecessor was. It detests and rejects the fact that you are a competent platforming game player. It nerfs everything down. It makes it almost impossible to lose. It plays things too safe and too easy, replacing action game design with flashing lights, prettier graphics, and an easier experience; it has its moments but it's an inferior game mechanically: jump, double jump, triple jump, hover, rocket jump, turbo run (why), walk on tightropes (why), spin in air (why), spin from ground into high jump, turn and backflip, swim, spray water, spray water and dive, wall jump, ground pound. It's only 16 moves -- less than its predecessor --, and they have less complexity and are easier to execute.

Not only that but you're no longer free to tackle objectives the way you see fit. The world is now a container for several course-clears, and no longer allowing for the freedom of open world games. If you pick Shine 1, you WILL clear shine 1 in that run of the level. If the game wants you to watch a cutscene (of which there were none in SM64), you WILL watch the fucking cutscene. Wash rinse repeat until you get enough shines to clear the lamest end boss in video game history.

Again, it's not a bad game but it reeks of suits getting involved in the process and demanding shit to be made easier because otherwise it wouldn't sell. It reeks of misplaced priorities. It's a pretty game and it's nice for an afternoon, but after that you just have blue coins left and hooooooooooooo weeeeeee I'm not touching that shit. The most asinine side quest I've ever seen in a video game: to find blue coins hidden in random spots, usually by cleaning a spot of graffitti, and exchange 10 of them for a single shine, the collection of which cannot be stacked and forces you to watch a cutscene every time. Reeks of laziness.

Then Mario Galaxy comes out and Jesus Christ. It's like they don't give a shit at this point. Open-world, acrobatics-centric 3D Mario is just fucking gone. This is probably the point where it became cheap enough to make 3D content en-masse that they just started copying the classic Mario formula in 3D to churn out content.

The bad thing, is that at a certain point it feels as if the games play themselves and I've always been against it and will always be against it because I'm into games due to the fact that they're something which engages my brain. I don't like games which just keep me there, passively looking at the screen, reacting to quick time events. I want to be immersed, engrossed and I want to feel that nice sense of exploration and fun experimentation that you only get with open world games.

The games are back to linear now: even though, in Sunshine, they made an effort to at least make things seem open world, they don't care anymore in this one. It's all just linear levels happening in planetoids which you visit in a sequence, to, yet again, remove all hazards and all notion of challenge and complexity, even more than before. And you have to shake the wii remote to spin to top it off, and this gives you a free save if you miscalculate a jump. The galaxy games were extrapolated through the 3D series: Super Mario 3D Land and 3D World (strong candidates for most bizarre title to a video game ever), to form which is called the "course clear" vein of 3D mario games, starting from the Galaxy games.

See, nintendo themselves differentiate between "Course-clear" 3D Mario and "Open World" 3D Mario. Once Super Mario Oddysey got announced, they came out with this interesting infographic about their classification for 3D Mario games:

Don't get me wrong again, there's nothing inherently bad about these types of Mario game, and Galaxy 2 and Mario 3D World are both some of the best video games ever created, but I think that something got lost in transition when compared to the sublime finesse of the movement system in Mario 64. The way it respects your intelligence, the way it drops you in an open world and gives you freedom, the way that its worlds are built, I think that all of this has never been paralleled, not even by nintendo themselves for some reason, and I think the reason why this happened is that, maybe the excellence of Mario 64, quirks and all, was a product of its time and the limitations in production ability for 3d content and graphics that surrounded its creation at the time.

Yet, Lo and Behold! 2017 is here and Super Mario Oddyssey is in the horizon and it promises to be the Next Big Thing (tm) since sliced bread. A TRUE and HONEST return to form, to the Glory Days of Mario 64! And the game is way too enthsiastic with its embracing of Super Mario 64 nostalgia: there's literally a whole level inspired after the Mario 64 castle grounds in Mario Oddysey and the whole notion of absolute freedom from Mario 64 (somewhat) returns (but not completely because you still are subject to doing a main big event per level, after which the rest of the level unlocks; once you clear the game, the second half of the game unlocks even). And the emphasis is back into acrobatics again, which is a good thing: playing with your hat can get you places if you're handy with it.

But my biggest gripe with Super Mario Oddysey is that it's not completely honest as it claims to be. It's a course-clear game hidden under a coat of paint of an open world-game. It's literally Zelda Breath of the Wild's half-assed design all over again: big empty world full of collectibles, with tiny "levels" to be found. Once you find a game, it's time to do a thing --wash rinse repeat. In Mario Oddysey you explore around until you find a pipe or a door or a character and you get plunked into a Super Mario 3D World style course-clear game with additional collectibles. So it's not really the game which it was told to be. The levels don't feel like beautiful dioramas, and the acrobatics, even if nice, are nowhere near as rich as the SM64 acrobatics. There's infinite lives this time around, so there's no real feeling of risk. The game rehashes its own content, you make a tower of goombas, cool. Then you make it again, twice as long. Then you make it again, in the water. Then you make it again, in the beach level. Then you make it again, in the ice level. Then you make it again. Then you make it again, then you make it again...

You could argue that they were onto something with the capture system, because it's an attempt to enhance the movement system while at the same time it's trying to keep things interesting, but the bad thing is that this is really not the case. Captures are contextual, and you're expected to capture an enemy, do something with it, then leave it behind, so it's not a skillset that you build up on, it's yet another course-clear level in a disguise.

So even though it's a good game, it's not the game that it set out to be, I'm sad to say. The Brilliance of Super Mario 64 is yet to be rivaled, and Nintendo should feel ashamed of it. It's been 20 years, man. Where has your mind been all along?

Alright Nintendo, to conclude, here's a freebie for you. This is how you design your next Mario game so it fucking kicks ass: you bring back the SM64 movement system and ADD ONTO IT. Do NOT take away from it, just ADD. Complexity is good in games. All of your fans are fucking 30 year olds, they can handle a complex game.

Next, you develop a vast, broad, massive open world. Think GTA-size. You set up 1200 stars and you place them all over the world in ways where it is EXCITING by itself to explore the world. Make it so people can collect stars at their own pace, ANY WAY THEY WANT, and expand the world accordingly. Keep the Super Mario Oddyssey persistence, where once you capture a moon you don't have to go back to a menu screen, that was a good addition. Embrace the diorama mentality and go nuts with the world. Fill it with waterfalls, caves, chasms, canyons, and provide the player nothing but their acrobatics to clear everything in the world. Avoid pre-scripted sequences (they can still be good for some things like bosses). And make the world seamless, none of this island in the sky thing anymore. Moving around and getting stars should be their own reward, not "getting to find a course clear level".

#works

[itsteaveetime]

This may be a little too obscure but have you thought of an AU where Mike and the rest of the tour crew go to Sky High and are sorted into sidekicks (Hero Support).

//I had not, really.  When I write AU’s (like actually write them, not Photoshop and shitpost about), I tend to AU within the canon/fandom (so they’re more like: “what-if’s”, I guess).  I find AU-ing into a completely different universe or time period really difficult, so my hat is off to those of you whose brains do work that way naturally.  I *have* had thoughts about a sort-of sequel fic where the Golden Ticket Winner Losers didn’t die, but are ‘freaks’ (sort of like in the preview ending), and return to the factory shadows of their former selves.  But then some sort of rival or villain takes over the factory and holds Wonka hostage, and Charlie has to convince the other four that, especially with their new freakish abilities and knowledge of the factory, they have it in themselves to be heroes, and they all work together to save the day.  I’m not sure I’ll ever actually write that fic because it seems like it would be very plot intensive and long, but: maybe.  And if anyone else is bitten by this plot-bunny: please write it instead of me.

I gave the ‘Sky High’ one a shot below.  I hope it doesn’t suck, Anon, it…went in a vaguely Mike/Veruca direction, whoops?  And thanks for the prompt.  As always my inbox is open!// 

He shouldn’t even be here.  Not here, in this room, with these other freaks and losers.  Not here, in this school, at all.

Ethel Teavee (in Mike Teavee’s always correct opinion) has the dumbest super-power ever.  It’s a sort of location telepathy: she can tell you where someone is, anywhere in the world, at any time.  But she has to have met the person, which means she’s totally useless as any kind of super spy or cop, and is instead just the world’s most annoying geography teacher at a high school for super powered teenagers.  And most smothering mother, of course, not that she has ever had to wonder where Mike might be.  Mike is always in front of his computer.  Or was.

Mike has always known he would have some kind of technopathy.  He doesn’t know what his dad had, or could do: Ethel doesn’t talk about him, and Mike can’t remember him, but he wants to think his power was cool.  That he’s some big-time hero with some big-time secret identity and that’s why Ethel has to keep it hush-hush.

But Mike has always known he would have some kind of technopathy.  Electronics, computers, video-games…they have always come easy to him.  He has always been able to do anything he wanted with them, better than adults, better than anybody.  

“Getting your powers isn’t always easy,” his mother had always warned him, but Mike had always thought it would be, for him.  Would be like a natural progression of what he could already do.

And then his fingers had begun to stretch.

He had been tapping away as usual at his keyboard, and he had gone to shift his wrist to reach a key and found: he didn’t have to.  Which was…weird.  Mike had always been on the short side.  His hands, though nimble, had always been small.

And then everything had gone wrong.

He spent two weeks in his room as parts of him stretched, independently from each other and completely beyond his control.  One leg: seemingly miles longer than the other and unable to hold his weight.  One arm: so long his knuckles touched the floor.  His neck one day: unable to lift his head off of his pillow as it coiled above his shoulders like a snake.

His mother had probably tried to comfort him.  Mike can only remember crying.  It had hurt.

He’s 7′6 now.  He can stretch himself taller and longer than that, but he can’t make himself any shorter than 7′6.  It’s not a natural 7′6 either (if there even is such a thing).  His limbs are symmetrical, but too long; too thin.  His face is…wrong.  He looks like someone stuck him in a taffy puller.  He has to special order his clothes and shoes.

And everything is pointless now.  He can’t have a secret identity like this.  His mom is convinced his powers are still settling: that he’ll eventually shrink back down to a manageable height, but what does she know about it?  Nothing, that’s what.

Of course all the dumb jock sports teams came knocking, even the one at this freak school, but joke’s on them: Mike can barely jog without tripping over his stretched out feet.

He shouldn’t be here.  He should be at home.  He should be at home, in front of his computer.  

He should be at home in front of his computer but when he tries to type too fast now, his fingers tangle themselves into knots.

It’s still better than hunching and slinking his way through a sea of normal sized teenagers who can do stuff like: fly, and: turn invisible.

What Mike wouldn’t give to be invisible.  He’s super, super visible.

Even in the back row of stupid ‘hero support’ (side-kick classes), where he sits behind a table because he can’t cram himself into a desk.  The boy who always sits beside him can’t either, but not because of his height: Augustus Gloop is almost spherical.  He is almost spherical because he can eat anything.  Mike has seen him eat a brick.  It’s cool, but pointless.  Gloop’s okay, though: like a gentle giant.

Mike is not gentle.  

Physically he’s…well a sort of long skinny mess, but his tongue is sharp.  That never tangles.  It gets him both into and out of trouble.

Ethel makes him trip and slink to school the same time she does: earlier than the rest of the students.  She doesn’t escort him to his classes, at least: she doesn’t have to.  She always knows where he is.  He doesn’t totally mind having the extra minutes of peace to sort out his own limbs and try to get comfortable before Gloop and the rest of the world shows up.  His knees still fight him sometimes.

It’s not enough, though.  His mom may know where he is at all times, but that doesn’t mean she can shut him up, and the result is: a near constant stay in detention.

Usually it’s just him, and Mr. Wonka (who Mike is sure hates him more than any other teacher there is or has ever been).

Today is different.  Today there is a girl.

Mike doesn’t know her, but Mike doesn’t really know anybody.  Mike does know she’s not a sidekick.

Mike also has eyes and can see that she’s…dressed like a ballerina.  Those shoes and skirts they wear and everything.  Mike’s no ballerina, but he’s pretty sure wearing those shoes just walking around wrecks them.  There is also a crown perched on top of her head, nestled in her blonde curls.

She looks completely insane.

Wonka has left them alone to deal with some sort of accident in the gym.  Mike stares at the back of Princess Tutu’s (as he has decided to call her) head and wonders what she did to end up here.  She probably didn’t hack Krystal Ballz’s facebook page too, but: who knows.

The blonde girl turns slowly in her seat.  She is petite enough to fit comfortably into a normal desk, and she turns with the sort of grace Mike does not think he ever possessed and certainly does not now.  She looks him up and down (and up, and up).  Mike tries and fails to shrink deeper into his hoodie.

“What,” she asks (and she pronounces it like ‘vhat’, because she has a significant Russian accent), “are you supposed to be, some kind of super-noodle?”

He glares at her.

“No,” he mutters.  “What are you supposed to be, s-…”

And he has a beautiful biting insult on the tip of his tongue, but she cuts him off.

“Veruca,” she says, as if that should mean anything.

“What’s a Veruca?” He asks, as if he doesn’t care, which he mostly doesn’t.

Her eyes darken.

“VER-u-CA,” she repeats, practically seething.  And then (shoving her well-sculpted nose into the air and everything).  “Greatest super-heroine and heir to peanut and other fortunes.”

She tosses her long blonde locks.

Mike stares at her flatly.

“Never heard of you,” he says.  

(He hasn’t, although he would have said the same thing regardless because she seems like the kind of person who would be bothered by that sort of thing.)

(She is.)

Her eyes darken.

“Go get me Dr. Pepper,” she says, beginning to turn back around in her seat.

Mike doesn’t move (obviously.)

“Uh, how about: no?” He says.

She turns back towards him.  Her own eyes narrow.

“Get me Dr. Pepper, now,” she says, more forcefully.

“Just because I’m a side-kick doesn’t make you the boss of me,” he argues.

Her eyes dart towards the door.

“Go to door,” she says, sounding less sure of herself.

“Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno,” he says.  “N.  O.  No.  Whatever you want, whatever you need, whatever you say: no.”

He was totally right: she’s totally nuts.

She stares at him.  Her mouth hangs open.

“…nobody says no to Veruca Salt,” she says.

That’s her power, he realizes.  That’s her power, and for some reason it doesn’t work on him.

He sits back in his chair as much as he is able to (which isn’t much) and folds his long freakish arms across his chest.

“I’m not nobody,” he says, smirking at her surprise.  And then jerks his head back as she practically climbs onto his desk.

She kneels on her seat, elbows on his desk, chin in her hands.  Her toes point and kick at the air behind her head.

“What is your name, Noodle?” she purrs.  

“Why should I tell you?” He asks, cockily.

She claps in delight.  He wonders if nobody really does ever say no to her.  Maybe it gets old, but he honestly can’t relate.

“Mike Teavee,” he tells her.  She doesn’t seem disappointed, he supposes, because he has told her on his own.

“What do you dooooooooo?” She continues to purr.

His smirk fades.

“You’re looking at it,” he mutters.

She’s looking at him.  He doesn’t like it.

She’s upside-down, suddenly.  He’s not sure how.  She’s executed some move and he’s looking at her pink-clad calves and feet.  The rest of her hangs underneath her chair.  He tries to inch his own feet back.  There’s no room.

Her hands grab at his skinny ankles.  He yelps.  She yanks.  She pulls his feet until they are almost under her desk, where her feet would be, if she wasn’t doing gymnastics.

“This is better,” she says, having arranged him so his knees are no longer pressed against the underside of his table.

She’s right: it is more comfortable.

She’s still upside down.

“…I am the stuck,” she admits.

He reaches out (easily), and pulls her left leg.

Her left leg comes off in his hand.  

He yelps again and drops the detached limb.  She does a one-legged sideways cartwheel, grabs her own leg, and pops it back into place with practiced ease.

He’s staring at her.  She doesn’t seem to mind.

“It’s, uh, supposed to do that?” He asks.

“I also can fly,” she tells him, crossing her ankles over her desk and laying back across his table with a grin.

He shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

“I stretch,” he admits.

“More than this?” She asks.  She seems…impressed.  He shrugs.

“Sure,” he tells her.  Even if he doesn’t like to.  Just in case.  He could get stuck even…taller.

She does another of her moves.  She’s sitting on her desk now.  It makes them almost the same height.

“And what else?”

‘Nothing,’ he’s about to say.

“Computers,” he says, instead.

She cocks her head.

“A power?” She asks.

He shakes his head; tries not to look as disappointed as he always feels when he thinks about it.  He shouldn’t have even said anything, maybe.  His fingers…

“You are smart,” she says.  Something behind her eyes looks…he isn’t sure.  Predatory?  “If you are so smart, why are you here?”

He snorts.

“Because Krystal Ballz-…”

Veruca hisses like a cat.

“…thinks she’s pretty funny.  So I made some of her private jokes public.  So, you know, everybody could laugh at what she says about them.”

She is grinning.

“This was you.”

It’s not a question.  

“You are funny,” she tells him.

He sits just a tiny bit taller.

“So why are you here?” He asks her.

She sighs.

“I do not like the sidekick I am assigned,” she says.  “He makes lewd jokes.  He is not funny.  So I take my arm-…”

She removes one of her arms at the shoulder.

“…and I slap him.”

She slaps lightly at the arm between them with her detached arm. 

“Apparently this is frowned upon in your country,” she says, rolling her eyes.

His mouth twitches.  He almost laughs.  Maybe more than almost.

A bell rings.  They both glance at the clock.  The detention period is over.  They are free to go.

She dismounts her desk.  He starts to gather his legs.  She’s standing beside him before he has a handle on them.  She comes up to about his chin when he is sitting.

“I will tell them to assign you to me,” she says.

He opens his mouth, only for her to press a finger against it, silencing him.

“Nobody says no to Veruca Salt,” she reminds him.  She rises up onto the very tips of her toes like the dancer she is, and presses her lips against his cheek.  She pirouettes around while he’s still reeling.  She literally flies out of the door, arms outstretched like Superman, if Superman had a pink handbag slung casually over his shoulder.

Mike sits in stunned silence.  Ethel appears a moment later, looking slightly frazzled.

“That girl needs to look where she’s flying,” his mother complains.  She frowns at something on Mike’s face.

“Did she make you do something?” She asks.

Mike shakes his head and gets to his feet.  Slinks past his mother.  Almost hits his head on the door frame.  Doesn’t.    

“Michael?” His mother prompts.

Mike rolls his eyes.

“Laugh, mom,” he says.  “She made me laugh.”

#charlie and the chocolate factory #catcf broadway #fanfic #mike teavee #veruca salt

[clevercreature13]

Today, I am featuring author Carl D Jenkins, whose story "In the Valence" is included in the anthology "A Bond of Words," alongside my own brand-new story, "Don't Mess with It."

Q. What is the hardest part of writing for you? What is the easiest?

A. The hardest part of the writing is just making the time to sit down. I’m an introvert who works in mental health. I absolutely love it, but it naturally leaves me drained and it takes a while to recharge my batteries enough to give the story the attention I think it deserves.The easiest is easy. Character development. Most of the time, the characters just are. They are not really any different from anyone else you might meet. Treating them that way saves me so much effort trying to remember how they would react, what their motives are, and when they first accessed plot point whatever. I cannot say they are friends, because sometimes they are begging for consequences right out of the gate. But I can give them dignity and respect, so the primary means of motivating them when they get stuck is to write a future scene. Since they know what’s coming, it gets easier for them to work their way through the obstacle course in between; it’s a lot like weekend for the workaholic.But, what I truly enjoy – I know you didn’t ask – is the research. Observing and knowing things is what gives a writer his stripes, and I’ve always enjoyed the “5-minute research” option for anything that catches my attention. And not YouTube or Bubba Joe’s non-professional blog, but some reliable source that has put in the work needed to actually be adept. Sure, Bubba Joe may help you identify the questions you want to ask, but his Uncle Cecil and Aunt Melba’s recollections of their drunken neighbor’s life in the exotic military is basically still just opinion. The internet has made that easier, but sometimes you just need a library. The best part, you only have to know enough to make your character plausible, and you only have to remember it long enough to write the story, but writing a character smarter than yourself about something lets you explore so many rabbit holes you might never see as a reader.

Q. What is your ideal writing snack?

A. Nope. I’m writing or eating. I was a cook for fifteen years, and you don’t get to sit and enjoy meals when you’re working. All this time later, and if it is on my plate, order one is to get it gone so that I can get back to the task at hand with a clear and focused mind. And clean hands. So, if I need to pause to eat, it’s hydration and carbs.Snacking when not on a task is different. Dried fruits, nuts, or dark chocolate will serve the purpose. True junk food is always in single serving packaging, no matter the size, so I stick with things that can just be a handful on the run.

Q. What self-editing tools do you use before you send your work to a professional editor?

A. Most of the time when I first reach “The End” I immediately read back through the whole piece. This will be when rewrites are done, and I always change things. I know I said the characters are just there, but I don’t outline and things show up in a world that you weren’t expecting. They do in life, too, but you can’t go back and foreshadow in life. In a story, you can go back and plant the knowledge that Jake’s hair is red, that Alex is a girl, that Pennywise loved balloons as a child. You can elaborate the layout of a garden where it was introduced so that the reader knows where to turn during the chase scene without accidentally ending up in the front yard when the stable is out back.Then I find time is my best friend. I’m pretty good with structural editing and big concepts, but I have to let the story lay fallow while it drains out of my head to edit. When you live in a forest, you stop seeing the trees. Then I’ll focus on one character at a time. Scrivener can help with that, but several softwares let you write in scenes to start with. You can jump from Joe to Joe to Joe and make sure his voice does not sound too much like Sally. You can make sure you didn’t leave too large a clue that this character was not human before your reveal, and make sure you didn’t insinuate otherwise with word choices.Beta readers are integral. And you need to make sure you have ones that aren’t just going to say “good job” or “I loved the part about Suzy and Brad” or “This is not in line with my spiritual beliefs, so I left in the closet for three months while you waited on me to tell you I didn’t read it.” You want Betas who will tell you what sucked, what they had to read three times to understand, what happened so fast they missed everything important. That’s not self-editing, but it is very helpful to the last stages. You need to clean up most messes before you give a WIP to a Beta or you just turn them into proof-readers. Anyone can spot your typos and correct them, but if it’s all typos, they stop seeing the plot, and the plot is why you wanted a reader to start with.After I have weighed and changed things the readers pointed out, I run it through an editing software. There are dozens of choices. I currently use Style Writer. It lets me chose the type of story, the target audience, and which version of English I’m writing in. Most importantly, it doesn’t just do; I have to select all changes and it points out bad, possibly bad, and probably to smart/dumb choices. One of my common trends is passive voice, which sometimes I want, but usually I don’t. It points that out.The other trend I’m trying to shake is tense agreement. I seem to love to switch from past to present and back. Editing software will not catch this. It is probably the thing that gives my editor the most grey hair at this point. And my editor is the only reason that using a writing software is functional. The first piece I sent off was so red I had to take note and improve. Had I sent that one through the software first, I never would have submitted it anywhere because I’d still be trying to sort through the software’s suggestions.

Q. What is it that you want a reader to take away from it, be it one emotion or a thought or a memory?

A. Life is full of moments. We let so many of them pass us by. This story drew from several trips I had the fortune of being able to take. Several of the characters are essentially real – I took large liberties. I am always very present when I get to travel, and those moments we are present keep us young. Time does not pass faster and faster as we age for any other reason than we stop being present in as many moments as we can. Many of the moments we do stay aware of are repetitious. (E.g. the time with a grandbaby.) Be present in all of it. You only get one life. A hundred things a day will interest you if you are paying attention, but weeks will go by in a blink if you are not. Fill the moments with joy. Let those around you be comfortable being themselves so that you can be aware together. What was the line from Before Sunrise? “Spirit is alive in the space between us”? or something to that effect. Let your spirit be alive.

Q. Did your story play out as you planned it?

A. Absolutely. I had already written a draft of this story years ago, with a focus on one particular holiday. When the call for this anthology came out, it was in contention from the start, although I wrote several other things as contemplative pieces first. In the end, I decided that this story could fit quite nicely if I added in a bigger bond between the two MCs and highlighted all of the other connections. I stitched in other moments to make it a more complete story, but what I wanted from the start was for you to be able to connect with the thrill of a journey, the power of the stones, and the simple love one can enjoy within a circle of complete strangers if we only let ourselves participate in life.There are only two named characters. Bina and Carl. Carl carried a lot of my spirit as I was able to travel, and the core of Bina in the story is a real person, who really did write a thesis on Stonehenge. The newspaper scene was a real memory, but a lot of the feel of the scene was from other times with other people. I wanted the focus on them, so not giving names to the other characters was intentional. I think you could still feel the importance of their presence and recognize that they all had their own stories intersecting in this one place and time where everyone just got to share themselves as they were. Pretensions and expectations were always within reach and not entirely avoidable but being able to set them aside is what let the time become timeless and durable.So, go out and love one another for who you are, and let the spirit in between breath deeply of that love.

Pick up a copy of "A Bond of Words" in paperback or eBook at any book retailer worldwide, including Amazon. If you purchase the paperback directly from Scout Media, you will get another ‘Of Words’ anthology of your choosing in eBook for FREE as well as a FREE companion soundtrack download!!

facebook.com/BrokenSpines13

http://www.scoutmediabooksmusic.com/a-bond-of-words

#scoutmedia #abow #author #writer #writing #fiction #book #books

[mild-lunacy]

stranger in a fannish land 2: the unpopular opinions

So there's a meme where people are weighing in on what they'd change about The Raven Cycle and it's like.... Many people in fandom really have no sense of what's 'good for the story', or the difference between your personal satisfaction or reaction and 'a good idea' for the plot. Like, I realize that some things are sad, or unfortunate to have happen. But like, just because it's unfortunate (for ex, a character-- say, Noah-- doesn't get a happy ending) doesn't mean it's better not done in fiction. Alternatively, just because you can imagine it, doesn't mean it's even remotely a good idea for the fictional situation and/or characters as they stand. I mean... anything *can* happen, but not everything *should* happen, given you're trying to justify it as a Good Idea in the first place.

Sure, Ronan could've been together with Gansey, or even Kavinsky before Adam. Why not? He also could've been kidnapped by a pedophile as a child, or he could've been hit by lightning and got grey hair, or he could've been born on Maui and never met Gansey. He simply could've died as a baby, etc etc. If you're actually talking about desirable outcomes or things helpful to the relationships between Gansey, Adam, Ronan and Blue, you have to limit these potentialities and look at what *ought* to happen to preserve their dynamic, though. So yeah, Ronan/Kavinsky would be especially destructive to every major relationship in the books, and any hope for growth Ronan has, and in that sense it's equivalent to Ronan being born in Hawaii or dying as a baby. But Ronan/Gansey is just differently destructive to the group dynamic as we know it, with the characters as we know them. It would mean Ronan isn't so romantic and innocent, either, so his whole characterization changes, or it means they're not simply best friends. I mean, you can't 'just' casually have a crush on your closest friend if you're a romantic. If you do, it's usually not something one quickly or easily gets over to move easily onto the next friend, whether that's Blue or Adam. Further, Gansey's power over Ronan would start being really questionable all of a sudden, to the point where you'd have to wonder if Kavinsky was right. Jealousy and weird unrequited feelings would probably threaten the boys' connection with Blue, and this would probably change both Gansey's and Ronan's relationship with Blue. Regardless, an actual canon attraction or relationship between Ronan and Gansey, or between Henry, Blue and Gansey, is not just a fun, sexy little detail you can easily insert at any time. Every choice has consequences like ripples in a pond. That's how life works, but more importantly, it's how fiction works. This is the very thing that fans seem particularly oblivious of.

In general, my point is that just because you have a preference for X thing, or you react in a negative way to Y plot point, it doesn't mean that said X is good and Y is bad. I dunno, I feel like I'm stating the obvious. These aren't super-deep thoughts, are they? I mean, it's actually really blatant that say, Noah had a great arc and/or served his purpose wonderfully in the books, and yet maybe 5 people out of 100 seem aware of this in Raven Cycle fandom. Almost every post complaining about TRK states Noah's resolution sucked 'cause he 'deserved better'. I'd understand if 6 year-olds said that sort of thing, because it takes a while to understand dead people don't get better, but otherwise, I don't see how ghosts deserve happiness. Like, they're already dead, basically. Noah started out dead, and this had a major purpose in that plot. And dead is dead, man. That's kinda the *point* of being dead. It's both permanent and unhappy. As far as being dwelled on afterwards, none of the events of the climax got dwelled on afterwards. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, so the number one thing that drives me batty in fandom is people ignoring the entire idea of characterization or plot requirements in the story and assuming any old thing or headcanon that they wanted could actually somehow work. I dunno if these fans even think in terms of things 'working', though maybe I should be more optimistic. Like, for example, even agreeing it'd be great if Gansey also kissed/liked boys and was bisexual... why would he *randomly* kiss his friends? Who in the world does that outside pure romantic/sexual fantasies? Why not at least ask the question of 'why Gansey' first? Or why not demand Adam kiss random boys, 'cause at least he's confirmed to be bisexual in canon? Is there any other point except that everyone needs to be queer at all times? Even individual fanfics would usually at least try to make sense, rather than randomly putting in an assortment of happy headcanons. (Granted, I've seen fics that claim to incorporate an assortment of headcanons, but this isn't typical.) Who really wants books to be a collection of politically correct boxes checked, double checked and triple checked? Honestly.

What really drives me nuts is not really the fact that people want these counterproductive things to be canon, because surely the heart wants what it wants. It's the misunderstanding of the way fiction works, and consequently that these posts blame the writer(s) for their so-called failure in delivering what makes no sense in the first place. Like, some critiques are valid, obviously, even though I don't think the characterization of either Ronan or Adam (as it stands) easily transfers onto a POC character. Their background would need to change to some degree (particularly Ronan's, being Irish as a matter of characterization), so essentially it'd be a different character (though Blue is different). Anyway, so one can certainly critique that, as well as the pros and cons of labelling Adam bisexual more explicitly and so on. But stuff like randomly bi Gansey or happy Noah are just headcanons and pure wish-fulfillment. And my issue is that fandom doesn't draw any kind of serious line between these two kinds of 'critiques', in part because they often use the same lingo. It's literally like no one is aware that say, polyamory isn't really even in the same box as racial and sexual diversity representation, so Stiefvater had no responsibility to include Sarchengsey. Just because you care about that headcanon and/or real life issue doesn't make it a *social justice* responsibility that needs addressing in the media. I would think that's obvious, but it definitely isn't.

I think the underlying problem in my relating to fandom these days is that I don't... 'read' characters any particular way. Like, I may have interpretations about what happened and guesses as to what will happen, as well as hopes, but I don't just *decide* things. I never personally decide to read a character as gay, trans, ace, or a POC (let alone polyamorous), unless they're stated or super-heavily implied as being intended as any or all of the above. That is not a thing that happens to me. Of course, 'implied' kinda means that canon can get fuzzy to me, which is certainly true. Usually I'm just aware 'this is fuzzy'; maybe it's that even if I do go further, I don't fill in blanks with personal experience on any conscious level that I've ever noticed. It's not that I'm (that much of) a canon absolutist; I'm just unlikely (and indeed almost incapable of) making leaps that aren't ultimately suggested by the text. I'm also definitely irritated by many people who *do* make such leaps in a preachy, pushy, in-your-face way, like canon is irrelevant and fanon is the Only Truth needed (and if you disagree, you're the problem). If it's subtle but still intentionally textual, I'll (eventually) see it. If it's not textual... I probably won't. I don't read against the grain, basically.

It wouldn't be so bad (my mental dissonance in fandom, I mean) if not for the pushy holier-than-thou posts about the Truthiness of things which are absolutely Not Canon, which are always at the back oh my mind. So I guess I can overreact to some innocent wish-fulfillment stuff sometimes. I don't mean Truthiness like those (wanky and unfortunate) old debates about canon Johnlock or even (apparently) whether Victuuri is canon. That's actually less weird 'cause at least I can see people genuinely reading the text differently in that case, for whatever reason. Like yeah, I mean, I think denying Victuuri is canon is ridiculous and I haven't even watched Yuri on Ice. But at least those people seem to have some sort of reasoning as to *why* they think Victuuri doesn't exist, even if it's bad or homophobic reasoning. What really frustrates me the most is the growing fandom trend of people who wilfully ignore canon and the very idea of interpretive/headcanon plausibility without even acknowledging there's a deeper disagreement.

Like, we're talkin' the level of the folks who go beyond 'let's racebend Ronan Lynch' (ok, sure!), through the valley of 'you better racebend him or you're Problematic' (um, are you sure? I think I'm going to go with 'strongly disagree') and into the shadow of 'Ronan Lynch *is* black, and if you *deny* it you're Problematic'. I know it's all fun, games and headcanons, but when you're trying to get other people to replace their idea of canon with your headcanon, or trying to justify it in general, eventually it becomes all too easy to forget you'd ever even noticed that, say, Ronan is white while reading the books. And in fact, many people seem genuinely confused about that aspect of canon reality at this point, which is kind of terrifying to me. I value my ability to process the text correctly, pay attention to basic facts and, well, perceive objective reality in general. And yes, white Ronan Lynch is objective canon reality. You can certainly mess with it in fanworks (that's what fanworks are for!), but it remains canon, and no headcanon is morally superior enough to canon to *have* to be the preferable choice, let alone actually *replacing* it. In fact, the very idea that the more morally superior thing is somehow more 'correct' on a literal level is... Problematic. At least, to me. Not least because I think that although we do definitely need more representation, fellow fans cannot have a responsibility to invent it where it doesn't exist. Ability is not *responsibility*.

Basically, while transformative readings and headcanons are a great outlet and a fundamental part of fandom, it's not the *responsibility* of other character fans or fellow shippers to follow them or even support them. To me, that's really basic stuff that's long made fandom function on a fundamental level (on par with 'ship what you like'), and the fact that it often seems the majority of Tumblr fandom disagrees is making participation near-intolerable, at least in The Raven Cycle (the most extreme examples of this type of wank are concentrated in book fandoms, it seems, 'cause I think actors are more 'real' to people visually). It should just always be unnecessary to even say that if you don't want to slash, or racebend, or even ship outside of the canon sandbox (or you want to sometimes but not others), there's *nothing* wrong with that, as long as you accept that others won't have the same preferences. I really can't believe I feel I even have to say so, but I know I do. There's nothing wrong with preferring or enjoying canon as is. That's the basic level of the meaning of being fannish, surely. You like the thing you like! Liking it the way it is in canon cannot be considered the *inferior* way of liking it. So yeah, the mental dissonance can get very, *very* intense for me.

Essentially, good characters (especially ones I care about at all) and their core emotional responses and frameworks are real to me: Ronan is an individual. He's white, he's Irish-American, he's a Southern boy, he's got blue eyes. He's also angry, depressed, idealistic, loyal. Sherlock is an individual. He's also a white male, he's a Londoner, he's got dark curly hair, a low voice and many chins. And he's analytical, sensitive but interpersonally oblivious in some ways, obsessed with John, jealous of Mycroft, etc. You *can* certainly change most of this in a fic, but this doesn't mean you *should*, certainly without acknowledging the broad-ranging consequences. In a good and IC fanfic, you would have to acknowledge that those core traits are still the basic starting points, part of the definition of the character. Basically, as anyone who knows me will know, I've got an unholy obsession with ICness, even/especially in the context of fanon pairings, settings or situations like AUs. The characters and their core motivations are simply not fungible or interchangeable to me. This isn't really a failure of imagination ('why can't you just imagine whatever?' you say), but rather about seeing an imaginary person *so* vividly in my mind they they become effectively real.

In a way, this sounds similar enough to what people say happens with various projections and headcanons, but the process actually seems rather different, 'cause I pay attention to the text and not just my reactions to it. I love to imagine, to build upon the possibilities of the canon world, of course. I just... have to have a foundation. I can't imagine being *any* kind of fan without paying close attention outside of myself and caring about what I find there, in the text. Fanon and canon have to be separated for *either* to have true meaning.

In any case, in a broader sense, I do think I understand what happens to the people who get hung up on their headcanons and start insisting on them. My imagination is always something that starts out broad and open and ends up cast in stone, once I feel I've figured out what the relevant 'truth' is, in context. I can certainly settle on an interpretation and get pretty hardline about it, which happened to a large extent with my ideas about canon Johnlock (though I was always aware what's opinion and what's fact, I became very certain about my reading and I definitely got pretty easily frustrated by people who ignored the 'obvious'). That's why I separated a close reading or interpretation like canon Johnlock and even Victuuri from something like racebending Ronan Lynch, though. That's not a plausible reading or interpretation; rather, it's a simple denial and substitution of canon (which, as I've said, I never do). Telling me that doing it would be morally preferable doesn't really help (to say the least), although the process of how people get to this point *is* familiar to me.

I can and *do* often enjoy AUs or graphics where there's a new context for the character (say, edits where Ronan is Korean or Mexican-Irish have been cool). Not all AUs are created equal to me, though, 'cause not all AUs or fanon scenarios work with the characters' core traits, as written. Sometimes, though, fanon ships (a form of an AU) do work on the level of potential, like the Road Not Travelled By. You can sometimes imagine the canon arc splitting off at some crucial point, so it bends but doesn't break. This can be complicated stuff, but it's how I intuitively think of it. Generally, I'd need a sense of broader changes to who they are as a result of a new life history, but that's still an agreed-upon suspension of disbelief. Consequences, in other words.

#me myself and i #pointless rambles #oh fandom #shipping #raven cycle #reader response #narrative #characterization #Irish!Ronan #fandom meta

[wavering-eyes]

Warm-Up Fun Post: Collective Banlist Re-Review

I need to put an original post on this blog and noticed I had only reviewed two out of five of my previous banlist analyses, so I’m making this post to comment on the remaining three for the first time and to re-review some cards which have seen a change in favor since then.

Let’s get started.

September 2017

Denglong, First of the Yang Zing

Denglong was usually the other part of True King of All Calamities, since you could change his level to 9 by dumping any of the True Kings into your Graveyard. He also led to a 1-card double Quasar negate combo off of one Souleating Oviraptor (or Fossil Dig, or basically any way to summon Oviraptor). I really doubt Yang Zings will be playable after this, but Yang Zing Dinos needed to get hit for sure and I guess this is one way to do it.

I knew nothing about Yang Zings when I wrote this post but the deck has been through hard times ever since. Yang Zing Zefra is alright though. Correct.

Daigusto Emeral

Wait, what the fuck?

…

Seriously? Gusto have a banned card now? Who thought they had it in them.

The Gusto archetype has never made much of a splash competetively, but they eventually got a generic Rank 4 (that they can barely use) in the form of Daigusto Emeral, which was a key part of the Zoodiac Fusion Substitute combo… which was totally wiped out last banlist. The deck still ran two copies for a while after, but eventually once Link Summoning came around, the space just wasn’t there. Few decks run it at all nowadays.

Which makes its appearance here all the more confusing. Seriously, Konami, what the fuck?

I didn’t make any prediction here, but in the interest of transparency, I’m gonna take every opportunity to decry my younger self for the knowledge he lacked. Daigusto Emeral was most likely banned for causing FTKs because it’s a generic Rank 4 that can revive Gaia Saber, the Lightning Shadow, which enables easy spam of multiple copies of Firewall Dragon. I didn’t know this at the time.

Miscellaneousaurus

A monster that gives Dinos protection during the Main Phase, recursion from grave, a free engine to summon a level 1 Tuner from deck, and an easy way to build up a huge Tyranno Infinity when needed. Miscellaneousaurus did all this and more. The OCG hit Oviraptor instead, so I’m surprised this got hit, but either one hurts the deck a lot (although I think Oviraptor is the stronger of the two).

Correct, it did hurt the deck. It eventually saw play again and Misc got unlimited a couple of years later. Oviraptor is the better card.

Dark Hole/Interrupted Kaiju Slumber

This is an interesting one. Slumber was obvious because it was another two copies of Dark Hole that synergized with the Kaijus that everyone would have run regardless, but Dark Hole at 2 has been a thing for a while. For what it’s worth, getting hit by this hurt a lot if your board consisted of the only Link Monsters your deck had the space for, but if that was that huge of a concern, they’d have hit Raigeki too. Hmm.

Slumber was probably a Kaiju Zoo hit since that was a popular variant. Destruction was infinitely better this format than it’s been in the nearly 3 years since. Both of these cards are now at 3 and see no play whatsoever.

BLS Envoy of the Beginning

It is weird to say that this card is now completely irrelevant, but here we are.  BLS Envoy has been power crept. What a game. (It’s probably still fun to play around with, though.)

It eventually saw play in Burning Abyss until it later got cut. I’ll take the L and say this was mostly wrong.

Luster Pendulum, the Dracoslayer

Luster Pendulum was a free reoccurring +1 after a Pendulum Summon, but that hardly matters now that Extra Deck Pendulum Summons are restricted by the new format. He’ll probably still turn up in Pendulum decks, though; do not take this to mean that the card is bad now.

Luster sucked for a while and eventually saw play in some variants thanks to Guardragons Elpy and Agarpain. I didn’t understand the direction of Pendulum very well at the time since I had hardly played Pendulum decks. Maybe?

Brionac, Dragon of the Ice Barrier

I have literally only seen this card played in Mermails since its errata. It’s doing nothing at 1 and will do nothing at 2.

T.G. Hyper Librarian

Synchro spam is also more-or-less dead, so this is probably fine coming back as well. Level Eater is still creeping in the distance, however…

Brain Control

Same story as Brionac, has seen no play since its errata.

Correct on three counts. T.G. Hyper eventually got hit again but that required a then-unthinkable rule revision and I’m not counting that.

Preparation of Rites

Nekroz hype? That’s the deck that got this limited, and they’re almost playable now that nearly every other deck has been nerfed. We’ll see.

EDIT: This is for Vendreads, don’t know how I didn’t realize this immediately.

EDIT 2: Vendreads don’t use this card, what am I saying.  This is for other decks.

Said a lotta wrong things here. Vendreads don’t use it and were also bad. Nekroz plays it but that deck sucked hard until they got more copies of Brionac. Gonna say wrong because “almost playable” is definitely incorrect.

Debris Dragon/Dragon Ravine

Remnants from the Dragon Rulers banlist. These haven’t seen play in a while at 2, probably won’t at 3.

I was so bad at this game, holy smokes. Debris has seen no play but Dragon Ravine is an outstanding card that has only gotten better with time. 1 wrong, 1 correct.

Rescue Cat/Witch of the Black Forest

More cards that have seen no play since their erratas.

This skirts by thanks to lack of a prediction, but Rescue Cat eventually saw play in Burning Abyss to make Dante/Cherubini/Naturia Beast.

Rescue Rabbit

Holy shit.

This card is still way too good.

I think this is supposed to tell us to go buy World Chalice, but this is the nuttiest way to go about doing that I could possibly imagine.

Konami, are you feeling alright?

Saw play in Dinos, World Chalice, and eventually Metalfoes, so I’ll say I was correct, but it did fall off hard.

Wavering Eyes

Hardly relevant, since Pendulum mirrors don’t happen much and decks aren’t so focused on popping their own scales. Back in the day, though, Konami made a huge mistake printing this as a common.

EDIT: I could not possibly have been more wrong. This card should not have been unhit, holy shit. Pendulum mirrors are actually everywhere since the deck’s only expensive card is Duelist Alliance and this card is too fucking good.

That’s pretty funny actually. The revision is wrong and the original post is correct, Wavering Eyes saw play for a week and fell off hard immediately after.

EXTRA:  Cards That Did Not Get Hit, Somehow 

I listed Master Peace, Dragonic Diagram, Maxx “C”, and Trickstar Reincarnation as the most problematic cards left in the format at that point. The OCG limited Reincarnation and the TCG has banned or limited the remaining three; Trickstar Lightstage is also limited here. These weren’t meant to be predictions but it’s interesting to see how many of them came true.

EDIT:  Extra 2:  Cards That Did Not Get Unhit, Somehow 

I listed Ritual Beast Ulti-Cannahawk, El Shaddoll Construct, Evilswarm Exciton Knight, and Shurit, Strategist of the Nekroz. The last one was meant to be a joke, but for some reason, Cannahawk is the only card here still on the banlist, and its position has not changed since 2015 or so. What a joke.

Current totals are 8-3-1 correct/wrong/maybe. Not doing math on this ‘cause I did a bad job anyways. Moving on.

October 2017

Blackwing - Gofu the Vague Shadow

Opinion on this card has been surprisingly divided.   Opening Gofu is nuts, but every single one you draw after the first is useless unless you’re running Allure of Darkness, since you can’t even Summon it unless you control no monsters.  As it turns out, there’s not really a second turn against good boards of Link monsters, so the advantage is just way too high.  This card also breaks the Crystron link we’ll be getting in maybe three years, but there’s no doubt it would have been hit by then, so better sooner than later.

Gofu was way too good and got banned the following list. We got Crystron Halqifbrax about two and a half years after this prediction, too. Correct.

SPYRAL GEAR - Drone

SPYRAL Quik-Fix

These cards did not serve the same purpose, but they were limited for the same reason: they’re both valid targets for Machine Duplication, which led to insane plusses off of drawing it alongside either of these cards (or any card that searches them), and with a combined nine copies of SPYRAL Resort, you would usually open both, so really the Machine Duplication was the inconsistent part.  Machine Duplication with Quik-Fix gets three searches, and Drone stacks the deck so there isn’t even any guessing involved with the Super Agent effects.  Both combos can immediately make Double Helix with a monster left over.  So why didn’t they hit Machine Duplication?  In truth, it’s not actually that broken of a card for two main reasons.

1. These are basically the only relevant targets for the card, so hitting it would fuck over decks like Deskbots etc, which is totally undeserved (though this hasn’t stopped them in the past, see Emergency Teleport and ROTA.)

2. Ash negates it.  People have been seriously playing Double Summon instead for exclusively this reason.  I wish I was joking.

So that’s that.  Quik-Fix was expected, but I didn’t see them hitting Drone.  Good riddance though, the deck can search both of these cards just fine at one copy.

No other decks played Dupe until Cyber Dragon got new support. SPYRAL ended up being so strong after this it required a second banlist. Correct.

What will the next format look like?  Probably just like the post-Zoo ban pre-CIBR format

Effectively Pendulum-Draco format, which came later. This was still wrong because SPYRAL was still tier 1.

2 correct, 1 wrong. I reviewed Februrary 2018 already, so let’s go over some stuff that deserves further comment.

Firewall Dragon

“But they won’t hit a main character card!!”

The leadup to MR4 had me exhausted seeing a new Firewall loop with every passing week.  The only one that saw competitive success was Dino FTK, but it took no time at all for this to be highlighted as a problem card, and only six months or so for it to finally get hit.  Good riddance.   This card is unfair at any more than one copy per deck.

Okay, me, let me stop you at “this card is unfair.”

SPYRAL Resort

Much of SPYRAL’s consistency is dead outright, since their usual combos involved more than one copy of this, and dealing with it is immensely easier.  Ogre can practically end their turn.  Even if they open it, that means they can’t resolve Master Plan.   Another elegant hit.  

I’m not grading it differently because of this information, but “even if they open it, that means they can’t resolve Master Plan” turned out to be wrong because that combo route uses Knightmare Unicorn to spin your own field spell so you can search it off of Master Plan.

Artifact Moralltach

This card was not $7 a day ago, I swear.  The hype is real.

Artifacts have strong potential for Side Deck play, and possibly in the main with Sanctum as accessible as it is, though that hasn’t been too successful since the days of Artifact Invoked Windwitch.  Keep an eye on this for sure.

Artifacts did eventually see Side Deck play, in the form of a 4-card package of Sanctum and Scythe (and optionally Trap Trick to optimize copies). I was wrong about Moralltach, though.

Thunder King Rai-Oh

I heard about this banlist about an hour into playtesting against Thunder Stun because I had absolutely nothing better to do, and this analysis post was delayed for an entire day because my brain was so fried from the monotony of playing fucking Thunder Stun that I couldn’t actually think any more for the rest of the day.

This card is frustrating, but I guess it’s there to keep you honest.  Droll on a 1900 body that can negate inherent Special Summons is absolutely nothing to sneeze at.  Perhaps it could see Side Deck play in Pendulum strategies?

Rai-Oh never saw play in Pendulum, but Thunder Dragon rarely did, for the sole purpose of making Thunder Dragon Colossus, which similarly locks down searching.

Mind Control

Now THIS is actually an interesting prospect.  This card has not seen an errata of any kind, and is arguably still playable going second.  Taking control of monsters actually breaks Co-links and the card itself doesn’t prevent you from using your opponent’s monsters to summon from the Extra Deck, so this could actually be a strong counter to some strategies.  Mind Control is definitely a card you should keep in mind.

I commented on this already and my predictions have come full circle. Mind Control was so good that it’s back at 1 now.

Bottomless Trap Hole

Another interesting unhit.   Trap cards in general were thought to be powercrept, so Konami has been taking strides in releasing a number of the most powerful ones ever, such as this.  Note: HAT did not have 3x Bottomless.  Also note that HAT will not come back because of this and Moralltach, and that Bagooska is still pretty much a better card than Rafflesia.

I feel fairly confident in saying this card isn’t good enough to be played even at 3, but I feel as though there’s a small chance I could be proven wrong.

BTH saw no play until Traptrix got a Link Monster, and it’s their second best target; Floodgate is usually more destructive.

Onto May 2018.

Master Peace, the True Dracoslaying King

Yep, this is Luster Pendulum.  He’s now Zoodiac Drident crossed with Apoqliphort Towers, and naturally he’s on the banlist again.  Feel old yet?

To continue on that analogy, I fully expect this deck to go the way of Qliphorts and continue to see play as a stun variant.  Note that nerfed Draco is still a better deck than Qliphorts, unfortunately.

Nerfed Draco remained a viable anti-meta deck until Diagram got banned.

Neo-Spacian Grand Mole

Compulsory Evacuation Device

Fairy Tail - Luna saw no play and Solemn Strike is still at 3.  Who cares.

I only decided to re-review the reviews because of this and the next card. Grand Mole has seen no play, but Altergeist eventually started playing Compulsory and other Trap-based decks soon followed suit. It’s a pretty outstanding card.

Mathematician

This is still a solid card, honestly.  I could see it seeing play again in decks that don’t need a Normal Summon, or if they finally unban Construct.  I don’t think that deck’s in the game right now, but it could be soon.

So Mathematician saw no play whatsoever, but I still think it’s because the right deck doesn’t exist...

Orcust was that deck. Math was sometimes favored over Scrap Recycler thanks to There Can Be Only One (and the fact that Recycler was upwards of $20).

Finally, May 2018.

A - Assault Core

A - Assault Core is a threatening card because it can infinitely loop with itself and Firewall Dragon as long as you can get it off of the board. This can be by linking with it, or by tributing it (as with Cannon Soldier, which causes an FTK). Does that make it a problem card? Sort of. Let’s look at the harms.

ABC can Extra Link you pretty easily already, and Extra Link boards aren’t that impenetrable anymore with Goblin out of the game.

ABC is otherwise a fair deck and has limited competitive results outside of extremely talented and dedicated players.

The Cannon Soldier FTK isn’t consistent without Crystron Needlefiber, which hasn’t been released yet.

Firewall Dragon causes a million more problems than it deserves.

So did A - Assault Core deserve a hit to 1? No, absolutely not. I suppose it had to go so that Firewall could stay, but that card has really, really overstayed its unwelcome.

A got unlimited once Firewall got banned. There’s an implicit prediction here, I think. Correct.

Morphing Jar

Read this card’s effect and tell me that the first five characters don’t remove this card from competitive relevance. I’ll wait.

We have a control deck based around Flip Monsters and it sure isn’t Jar Control. Correct.

Evilswarm Exciton Knight

Going second doesn’t suck as much! This card is certainly going to see play, though there are fewer decks that can make it nowadays, I suppose.

Remember to read this card’s effect five times before you try and summon it–the restriction WILL catch you off guard.

Card saw play, yeah. Correct.

Card Destruction

An interesting sort-of mulligan card. Imagine Magical Mallet or Reload, except with applications beyond Exodia decks. It won’t make any decks by itself, as no unsearchable one-of (Left Arm offering does not work for obvious reasons.) ever should, but I fully expect this to see fringe play–Dangers, Burning Abyss, Phantom Knights, and Zombies are all decks that would absolutely not mind going -1 in order to dump their hand in grave and draw a new one, considering this puts a bunch of combo pieces where they’re most useful.

It is still at 1 and saw fringe play in basically those decks. Correct.

Sky Striker Mecha - Hornet Drones

This was the right hit, but it ends up with a really mixed outcome. Hitting Drones was right because it hits most decks that ran it as an engine and prevents the pure deck from easily making huge Link Monsters by chaining multiple copies to each other. Both of these things were pretty bad for the game. On the other hand, this also means Sky Striker Mobilize - Engage!, which presently commands an $80 price tag, is even more necessary of a card in the decks that do play it, which is also bad for the game. And isn’t that the card that goes +1? Hmm.

Engage got banned a year later due to its use as an engine in Orcust. Not a prediction so no points.

Super Polymerization

The number of decks that would want to play Super Polymerization is limited, and it’s mostly powerful going second in Fusion decks like Invoked or in the fringe decks that change types/attributes along the whole board–Lair and Zombie World (once that comes out) both come to mind.

Targets of interest include Starving Venom Fusion Dragon, Dragonecro Nethersoul Dragon, and Mudragon of the Swamp.

Super Polymerization saw fringe play until around Savage Strike, where it became an invaluable asset versus Danger Thunder, Orcust, and Salamangreat alike. It is now at 3 and remained a going-second blowout until Adamancipator came around. The three fusion targets I mentioned were the most common targets which had been printed at that time, and since then, R&D has made it a point to print a strong Super Polymerization target to counter decks that may be too strong going first (Violet Chimera, Predaplants, and the new Fossil Fusions, for example). Correct.

Kozmo Dark Destroyer

It’s been a minute since this deck was even known for scoring occasional tops. Dark Destroyer’s arguably been in a position to come off of the banlist for a long time. I expect nothing from this card or deck; it’s too inconsistent and doesn’t do enough unfair things to pose a serious threat (also Called by the Grave exists), but I guess we’ll see in time whether or not I’m right.

Johnny Nguyen topping regionals in Nowhere, Kansas once every couple of months with random bad decks does not prevent them from being bad decks. Correct.

Called By the Grave

Speaking of which, Called got put to 2. I’m still torn on whether this card is nasty I don’t think 2 is the right number for this card, though; time has shown that 2 isn’t the right number for any card.

Card got put to 3 in the following list. Correct.

Limiter Removal

Fundamentally, this is still a -1 that does nothing to affect board state and might as well actually do nothing if it doesn’t win you the game on the spot. It’s not a horrendous card, but theory doesn’t play with this very well and there’s not a good deck that would want to play it at the moment.

Saw no play. Correct.

Destiny Hero - Disk Commander

People are writing this off, and I can see where they’re coming from, but I’m not convinced that this is totally useless. Demise HEROes (If you’re shocked I said those two words in sequence, I’m amazed you read all of this and haven’t come to the conclusion that I’m a lost cause) is a variant that actually saw a non-negligible amount of success and I think this fits right in with that: opening with Vyon and Mask Change, you can safely send Disk Commander, set your hand, Demise for as much as possible, set whatever you can, discard whatever you can’t. Following turn, flip up Rivalry, Mask Change, and more negation, then in end phase, flip up Back to the Front to bring back Disk Commander to draw two.

Of course I’m presenting an ideal situation here, and it’s obviously creates a stronger board if you put monsters on it that aren’t Dark Law, but I don’t think such a gameplan is totally ridiculous, either. I don’t expect it to see success, but at the same time, I have the feeling it’s in part because nobody thinks that it could.

Though I did have to jump through a bunch of hoops to come up with some reason to not send Malicious instead. I think that’s Malicious’ problem, though.

It saw no success and this suggestion is the pipe dream of a madman.

Burial from a Different Dimension

Zombies go off with this card and brick with it at 3. It wasn’t too strong to be at 3, but I don’t expect it to see play at 3 copies per deck anyways. It also has potential as an extremely niche side-deck card, but I don’t think any deck that this disrupts is shaking in their shoes at this in particular, if such a deck even exists right now.

“any deck that this disrupts” is implicitly supposed to be ABC, if that’s not clear. Burial hasn’t seen that much play, and none at 3 copies, but I don’t know how to judge this for accuracy.

7 correct, none incorrect for May 2018.

[mrsteveecook]

my staff is selling multi-level marketing products at work, my coworker makes R-rated noises, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Staff selling multi-level marketing products at work

I manage a team of seven for a small advertising agency. We’re located in a rural-ish area. Our HQ is in a major city about seven hours away. I got promoted to manager after our last manager retired. I’m younger than most of my team (I’m 33) but we’ve all gotten along so well in the past that I’m at a loss for what to do with this issue.

Walking into work feels like walking past mall kiosks: each one of my staff is side-hustling with some kind of pyramid scheme/multi-level marketing product: oils, diet pills, jewelry and make up, leggings, kitchen gadgets, diet powders, and weight loss snake oil. I have bad opinions about this stuff to start with and I’ve had to correct my staff in morning meetings that somehow start to devolve into sales pitches that our corporate policy prohibits the sale of this stuff during work hours because it’s effectively time stealing. Just before the holidays our corporate office put out a memo reminding staff that only pre-approved philanthropic sales or fundraising was allowed in the office and that the sale of MLM products is against company policy and termination could occur on the spot if you’re caught selling products on company time. One of my staff told me it doesn’t apply to us because we don’t work in the HQ office.

I fully understand that people turn to these products and “opportunities” for fast extra cash but there is plenty of work to do around the office. We have great overtime incentives – not like gift cards or pizza parties but real time and a half overtime, bonus vacation days, and opportunities to work from home – and nobody takes advantage of it so I’m not inclined to believe that they’re doing it for extra cash.

We’re hosting corporate staff next month and I can’t seem to get my employees to stop flaunting their pyramid schemes. HR Policy dictates I start firing people but I’m hesitant. I think I’m being too soft in giving them way more chances than HR would recommend. What can I do to get through to them?

You’re being way too soft — and you’re doing your people a huge disservice as a result. If company policy says they should be fired over this, by not being clear about that rule you’re setting them up to be fired. It is not a kindness to people to let them think something is okay that actually isn’t, particularly when that something could have consequences for them. In fact, it’s the opposite of kind. Be clear with them about what rules they need to play by.

Talk to your staff today. Say, “I understand that has been some confusion about the company policy against selling products in the office that aren’t pre-approved fundraising campaigns. I want to be clear that rule does apply to this office, and I will be enforcing it, effective immediately. If you have products in the office that are you selling, or catalogues, or are otherwise soliciting sales at work, I need you to stop, immediately. The company takes this seriously, and I’m going to take it seriously too.” You could add, “It can be very unpleasant for people to feel pressured to buy items from people who they need to maintain good working relationships with, and it’s a distraction to our work as well.” If people push, you can say, “It’s not optional and there’s no flexibility on this.” You can say, “It’s a corporate policy, but it’s one I’d implement here even if it weren’t, given the distraction and discomfort it can cause.”

Then, if you see any more of it, you address it on the spot. If you see someone with wares displayed, you walk over and you say, “This stuff can’t be out here. I need you to put it away” and you stand there while they do.

I’d give people a week or so to believe you’re really serious since it sounds like you’ve sort of set them up to believe that you’re not — and you’ll need to consistently demonstrate that you are.

2. My desk mate makes sex noises while she works

I have a relatively new desk mate – we sit probably three feet from each other in an open office setting. She is very nice, but there is something about her that is driving me NUTS. Whenever she gets stressed or upset or is just concentrating a lot, she makes noises exactly like um, sex noises, about every minute or so. Heavy breathing, gasps, and moans … It is maddening!

I have my headphones up on the absolute loudest setting, but the noises are so loud and distracting and annoy me to the point I can hardly sit at my desk.. Can I say something? Or do I have to just suck it up since it is just breathing?

Oh my goodness. Well … you could try saying, “You’ve probably never noticed, but you do a lot of vocalizing when you’re stressed — heavy sighing and other noises. It can be pretty distracting! I’m sure it’s unconscious, but do you think you could try to rein it in?” You could blame the open office too, adding something like, “They have us packed in here so closely that stuff can be distracting that never would be if we had walls.”

This is likely to make her pretty self-conscious for a while, which isn’t ideal, but it’s also true that when you’re working a couple of feet from other people, regularly gasping and moaning is not cool.

3. Interviewer asked detailed questions about unrelated jobs from years ago

After leaving school, I spent six months suffering through, and eventually dropping out of, a degree that was totally unsuitable for me. Rather than waste more of my parents’ money; I worked a series of odd jobs for four years: as a waitress, a bookstore clerk, an art gallery assistant, and a language tutor. Eventually, I found my way and I’ve been working a job I love for the last six years in a (totally unrelated) field. My resume is laid out as my most recent position first, along with a paragraph detailing my duties in said role. I do include the short-term positions as one liners, just so that recruiters don’t think I spent four years doing nothing. Plus, it always seems to interest interviewers, making for good small talk starters.

Anyway, I recently went to a first interview where they printed out my entire resume and insisted on going through every single one of my positions, asking me numerous questions like “What would your colleagues at Art Gallery say about you if asked?” and “What did you learn from your time at Restaurant?” and bizarrely “Do you have a reference for this totally unrelated job from 10 years ago?”

It took about an hour to get through these completely irrelevant positions (pushing the total interview time to two hours), and by the time we arrived at the work I’ve actually done in my field, I was exhausted. Quite frankly, the main things I learned in those jobs was that I did not want to do them.

My question: Is this normal? Should I prepare insights and answers around jobs I did that have nothing to do with what I’m doing now? Or would it be better to leave off the irrelevant jobs on my resume and just explain if asked?

Nope, it’s not normal. It’s of course not a bad idea to be prepared to talk about any job you have on your resume, but when you have six years of experience a professional role, you shouldn’t need to expect that you’ll be interrogated about the five months you spent as a waitress or so forth.

It’s possible they were using a ridiculous hiring system called Topgrading where employers are supposed to ask detailed questions about every job you’ve ever had, all the way back to high school, and is predicated on the idea that candidates will lie if you don’t imply you’ll be checking references for everything they say, even what they report about their grocery-bagging job in college, and that lesser-quality candidates will drop out when they realize how thorough the process will be. (In reality, lots of higher-quality candidates drop out when they realize how ridiculous the process will be.) This isn’t something you’ll run into much, but if you do, it’s useful to realize that’s what’s going on.

4. How to say I’m interested in someone else’s job, who I secretly know will be leaving

I’ve been in my role for about six months. For example’s sake, we’ll say I’m a coordinator, and I work with a team of analysts. A few months ago, before I was even out of my 90-day probationary period, my boss approached me and asked if I was interested in moving into an analyst role, anticipating a staffing shortage. At the time, I declined, citing the fact that I had only just started feeling like I understood my current role. The outcome of that conversation gave me the impression that the door was still open if I ever wanted to move up, and all I had to do was ask.

Now, I happen to know that we will be losing one of the analysts in the next 4-5 months. That information is absolutely not mine to share with our boss, I know. It seems reasonable to expect Boss to approach me again about moving into that role when my coworker does give notice, and at this point, I am interested in the position. My question is: can I proactively reopen that conversation before my boss does? Should I wait until my coworker actually gives notice, or can I casually mention the possibility of moving into that role, so my boss knows I’m interested when Coworker does give her notice? Can I ask Coworker about her timeline, to get a better sense of how to time my own conversation with Boss? (We’ve had some friendly conversations, which is how I learned she was planning to leave at all.) And perhaps most importantly, what do I say to any of these people? The only other time I’ve changed roles within a company, my boss came to me with the offer, so this is uncharted territory for me.

You can say to your boss, “I’ve been thinking about our conversation a few months ago where you asked if I’d be interested in moving into an analyst role. If that opportunity ever comes up in the future, I’d definitely be interested.” And if you’re close to your coworker, you can say to her, “Do you know what your likely timeline is for giving notice? At some point I want to talk to Boss about being considered for an analyst job, and want to make sure I say something before she starts making plans for your replacement.” (The key is to say that in a way that doesn’t sound like you’re impatient for her to go, or that puts any pressure on her. And really, this conversation isn’t even necessary; it should be fine to just stick with talking with your boss herself.)

5. Can I pre-schedule a mental health day?

I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, and it makes winters really difficult for me sometimes. I’m at a job with a generous amount of sick leave, so I have been planning to take a mental health day at some point in the winter when I really need it. I would describe this as a true “I am not well” sick day rather than a “burned out, need a break” day, but I do have some flexibility in when I can take it, as long as I take it BEFORE I have a breakdown.

Generally I like to give my boss and coworkers as much heads up about my leave as possible, but it feels weird to give that kind of lead time with a sick day—it would strike me as very odd to say “I’m planning to be out sick on Friday.” In this case, I have a psychiatrist appointment that day anyway, so I just told my boss “I have a medical thing on Friday and I’ll be out all day” but is there generally speaking a best practice for handling this? I do feel like I need to specify it’s health-related to my boss so that it makes sense when I charge sick leave on my time card instead of regular leave.

“I’ll be out for a medical thing on Friday” is a perfect way to say it. It is a medical thing, this lets you give advance notice, and it’s appropriately vague.

You may also like:

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my staff is selling multi-level marketing products at work, my coworker makes R-rated noises, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

from Ask a Manager http://bit.ly/2DipRgt

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

7O3X 1 | Saiyuki Reload Blast 1 | Konbini Kareshi 1 | Knight’s & Magic 1 | Chronos Ruler 1 | 18if 1 | Boku no Hero Academia 27 | Vatican Kiseki Chousakan 1 | Katsugeki 2 | Hina Logi 2 - 3

Still need votes for this.

7O3X 1

As you can kinda tell from these notes, I love random trivia, so this was a hype show ever since I found out about it. Then again, I never thought a quiz anime would exist in the first place prior to the announcement of this.

Okay, question 1 – why exactly did some Japanese staff member saddle this show with a name that doesn’t match the Japanese title at all? So long as you know O is a correct answer, you’re fine…

I love how they’ve styled the credits to be like a Q and A. That really works in the show’s favour.

Headband girl’s name is Mari Fukami, right? How does she pose her legs like that?!

For some reason, I like Shiki’s name in the Western order more…

Interesting how Kuroda stands out more than Shiki, knowing anime tropes.

I’m not entirely up to snuff on Japan’s nuclear stuff, but the Descartes saying is fairly well known and I got it. The thing about quiz shows is that you have to want to play along, which I’m not getting just yet, but this is just the setup stage so I’ll keep going. Sahara…The Metamorphosis (I love transformation fiction, so to get a question about Metamorphosis so early on basically means you’ve won me over, LOL)…I think the deeper this goes, the more cliché it may seem, but I like it. Especially because I remember  helping out at the library a lot (plus free pizza as a result…haha).

The books Shiki passes by include “The World of Literature You Don’t Know” and a parody of that Arukeyo Otome thing by Masaaki Yuasa that was released recently (which is based on a novel). Specifically, the name of the 7O3X version of the book is “The Morning is Short, Walk On Girl” (to use the sentence pattern of the original).

Ah, now Shiki’s a kiddo that gets me! I’ve never been too sociable to people and before I got too deep with the internet, it was just me and books, and as a result I specialised in everything English (bar writing, which I was average at). However, by the time I was 13, I lost my skills in English to essays. My love of anime made its resurgence around then so I suspect if I were still a book nerd, I wouldn’t be where I am today…

Okay, I think someone on the ‘net warned me about the panty shot. It’s a good thing Shiki is clearly uncomfortable with it…yeah. Moving on.

That club with the skirts really is disturbing, but I couldn’t help laughing like the brunette in front of Shiki.

Gakuto really made a great first impression. It wowed me. Unfortunately, the quiz show he referenced doesn’t exist, according to Google-sensei…”High School Quiz Show” apparently does, though.

I think there are specialised makers of those buzzers, Shiki. Or you could order them online or something, your call.

Please stop with the panty shot references…but sticking “April” in English really doesn’t make this question work out for me. So, to answer in Japanese, it would be shigatsu.

There are 50 stars on the American flag, right?…Yep. It wasn’t a trick question – buzzing in too fast can be a liability, so make sure you listen to the entire question before you answer!

I’d actually guess Gakuto is going to ask for “the nation with the most people”…Darnit! Oh well, I knew that one before the other guy buzzed in. Interesting how there’s Vatican Miracle Examiner this season though.

I suck at anticipating questions, but I’m good at answering like Shiki. “Et tu, Brute?” is said by Julius Caesar.

The guy to Mari’s left just seems to be fooling around. I’d know that sort of guy anywhere…*frowning face*

I don’t know about this “I fell in love” one…By the way, the text is here. That reveals the author is Dazai and Das Gemeine actually starts with “Back then, each day was the end of my life.” “I fell in love” comes after that.

Kaijou High School? Is this foreshadowing for a later opponent? Like, say, Mikuriya Chisato?

Stop it with the panty shot reference! Argh!

Wait, there’s a silhouette there in one of the circles. The long hair and colour of the circle indicates it’s most likely a girl, but probably one the staff want to keep secret…Interesting.

I’m kind of ambivalent, as this was one of 4 major hype shows for me. The number of panty shot references means they may refer to the event again in subsequent episodes, and fanservice has killed shows for me in the past. However, I’m slowly getting the hang of this quiz bowl stuff, even if I can’t always get in before the answer, and I know the emphasis is on quizzes, so I’ll give it another ep.

Saiyuki Reload Blast 1

Apparently, you don’t need to know much to get into Saiyuki so *shrugs* I’m gonna try it.

I think a more literal version of this ep title is “Sudden Storm”. “Squall” implies power as much as immediacy…

This reeks of DN Angel (late 90s/early 2000s) style, and I like it! Plus I’ve heard of the dragon/Jeep from other people who’ve talked about the series (notably there was an article on CR that convinced me to watch this and it mentioned the dragon), so…that was actually no biggie. Camera blood spatter is a bit questionable, though…

I have weird tastes in humour, as you might know from Kado. Therefore, when the woman appeared at the window, I laughed myself silly…

Shangri-la is China, so it’s natural that west China is different to east China. Kind of like how western America and eastern America are different…

I dunno why Gojyo is a water sprite, but that “diarrhoea sprite” thing is funny.

Gahh! That blonde (Sanzo) is too hot for me! No wonder people put characters on dakimakura, this guy looks right at home on one.

Well, I dunno what I just got myself into, but that was some good stuff! Next ep, please! (Plus, Granrodeo and Luck Life, the same duo of artists on Bungou Stray Dogs. That’s gotta be a good sign, right?)

Oh great, I left the ep running and it turns out there’s an after credits segment. Tsukigakirei’s after credits extras didn’t quite work for me, but since I laughed so much at the main show, this shouldn’t hurt, right?

G-Guh! The dragon can write calligraphy?! With its feet?! At least the joke works in Japanese and English…

That baldness joke works for me, considering I know Sanzo’s a priest…welp, if you get a lil’ background knowledge, it seems like you can conquer almost anything Saiyuki, and who knows what places it’ll take me in the future, eh?

Konbini Kareshi 1

I’m here for the VA talent, if nothing else. Nishiyama’s (Atsushi of Boueibu) getting a lot of side roles lately, which is great!

That running sequence took a good minute and a half, which is the same length as the OP. I almost noped out of there because that kind of thing is only compelling for about 10 seconds for me.

There’s something that’s a hybrid of Sagrada Reset, Denpa Kyoushi and Tsukigakirei here…which means it’ll probably get a low to medium rating, if anything. I can normally peg what sort of rating a show will get by its first episode,because shows tend to be consistent about what they do.

Interesting to note they don’t use shigatsu here.

The picture book is “The Mermaid Prince” (<- update: “The Merfolk Prince” is a better translation, so my bad). It was pretty obvious by the swimming sequence in the OP that at least one of these guys is a swimmer, or at least a PE nut (as some of the other things on his table suggest).<br>

I’ve never seen a younger brother be a morning person and the one to wake up a sibling. It’s always an imouto or a mother…

Wasn’t this straight romance, and not Hitorijime My Hero romance? Towa really has that bromance thing going on for him, the way Suna and Takeo (Ore Monogatari) do.

CS I think is a reference to BS Japan, one of the TV stations that shows Boueibu. Update: It’s actually highly likely to be CS-TBS, which shows the show. By the by, Nishiyama is Miki.

The red keion announcement vaguely pisses me off simply because I know that’s the light music club. I’ve seen small snippets of K-On, and while it wasn’t enough to warrant marking episodes off, catchy songs aren’t enough to keep me coming back.

This first meeting seems a little hamfisted for some reason I can’t put my finger on. However, it’s great Miki’s getting a lot of lines right here, although it’s still a side role…

The background scenery is beautiful in this show…

Here we go again…(basically, I have a very low opinion of this show, just as I suspected I would have).

I’ve got the volume on to evaluate Nishiyama, but the high-pitched teasing voice Towa just used is not natural at all. It would’ve worked better in his normal voice.

I get why the girls are fangirling over books, but I didn’t get who Michael Ende was until “The Neverending Story” came up, haha.

Glasses girl (Mami, right?) is reading something called “Glasses Man”, haha.

There’s a lot of voiceover here, as if the anime staff don’t quite care about their show enough to animate lip flaps.

As soon as she stepped on his foot and he didn’t give chase, that’s when I realised I didn’t quite care about these people. The pacing in this show, during critical moments, is just too awkward, that’s why…

Well, that was subpar. It has an opportunity to get better next ep, but I don’t care to stick around enough. However, there’s an interesting thing in the ED – there’s credits for scripting “Merfolk Prince”, meaning that may show up in a later ep. This ED sounds Coldplay-turned-Japanese, which is cool.

Knight’s & Magic 1

If you didn’t notice already, I’ve become so complacent with the premieres, this is my biggest season so far. If I finish watching every first ep I intend to watch as of the count I did for this commentary, I’d have 17 documented (7 more than on my hype list) because I have time, plus I’m relying on ANN to find me the good stuff this time.

What’s with that apostrophe in the title? As someone who likes their grammar to be correct, I just don’t like it.

I get the appeal of programming as an IT nerd, but it’s an acquired taste, plus it doesn’t have much payoff when you get frustrated at problems within your own code because it’s all a bunch of words and punctuation anyway.

Oh, it’s that effect where you-letterboxing! That’s what I was thinking of! (Reminds me of Erased.) Also, the ambient light is nice here, but the angled letterboxing is just plain weird.

CGI…bugs? That’s a pretty bad choice for monsters, IMHO.

ANN people have commented Erni’s past went too fast and I agree. Also, it’s just cliché after cliché with this show, ain’t it? Including the need to kabedon a girl.

Why does red eyed girl look like Atsushi of Bungou Stray Dogs? Plus, the wear on the mechas is nice.

Not every man – or every woman or other kind of person – dreams of robots, y’know?

“Trandorkis.” That’s the worst name I’ve ever heard in a while, and not just because it has “dork” in it, mind you.

Well, the look is shiny, bright and appealing and I can see this having a niche appeal to those who like giant robots. However, the backstory was too fast and Erni is way too OP for this world, so I’m dropping it.

Chronos Ruler 1

I’m familiar with only the first one or two chapters of the source material, so I was surprised this got adapted to anime…considering it’s a Taiwanese creator on a Jump manga though, it was kinda inevitable these days with all the Chinese coproductions.

That was a pretty interesting intro, even if it seemed like I’d watched the PV instead.

The battle there was good but a lil’ rotoscopy…hmph.

The colour scheme’s a lil’ dark…it’s a bit worrying, because Chronos Ruler normally has some pretty bright colours. I don’t want this to come off as a completely edgelord work like Big Order. I don’t seem to recall this dog though…

I’m pretty sure I don’t remember the forced humour spot, either, though it’s not as bad as, say, Bungou, where the director is known for his distinctive style of humour. Then again, my memory on this stuff is kinda vague.

This thing is starting to show cracks in its façade. Some of the movements are stiff and the CGI, while integreated well, doesn’t quite work with the 2D (although that’s shown up since the battle with the Horologue). “Cabalet” really adds to the cracks.

Every time Kiri speaks, I think of Kunikida (Bungou), so Victo is Dazai.

Adding the music to the show really adds another crack. There is absolutely no singing going on in this one singing scene.

Cue bad time puns. Puns are one of my specialties, y’know, so I don’t mind ‘em. Why else would I run LOL Yeah Shinichi, eh?

Victo, you remind me so much of +Anima’s Senri…and that’s just beautiful. Not many shows remind me of that. To anyone reading this, if you can get your hands on the old Tokyopop releases, +Anima is a gorgeous series, so go read it!

If Victo’s cards can fire at Mach 10, then he can’t beat Koro-sensei, LOL. (Ouch.)

Kids, don’t wear your hats inside. That’s an etiquette thing you should never forget, okay?

That was…strangely a much better premiere than I expected a Chinese part-production to be like! It’s better than the bunch of premieres I’ve tackled already and since good premieres are scarce, I’m taking it!

Update: Here’s another sign that doesn’t bode well for this show – it’s got the same director as Chaos Dragon (Masato Matsune), which I dropped after 2 eps. Chaos Dragon is known to be the epitome of road apples around the internet…

18if 1

18if was initially the only thing guaranteed to be out of Amazon’s greedy hands, so it’s great to see something so visually exciting ifnally be here for me. I know it’s based on a mobile game, which tend to be bad, but…c’mon, I’m struggling to find a good lineup here with what’s basically the death of Kaito x Ansa (it debuted on the 12th, but still hasn’t come CR’s way). Katsugeki’s good though, so at least that’s a lock for the commentary…

Quick –is this thing meant to be fully English? Or is this just Funimation being annoying?

Oh no, what a horrible first impression! Someone who speaks from their *erhem* and a chicken, aka cock…*muffles laughter* How dirty of me to even suggest it, but…well, it’s what we’re working with here.

The more I watch, the more confused I get.

Couldn’t Haruto have run towards the door? Or is this one of those non-lucid dreams?

This 16 frame simultaneous animation doesn’t quite work for me, but it’s an interesting hallmark of this anime.

Katsumi’s a Looney Toons Cat, sort of kind of…

The production values are mostly quite good, but unfortunately Haruto looks eyesearingly bad and I still can’t quite grasp the narrative thread of this show…

I just realised I completely didn’t care about Haruto getting his arm chopped off, not only because this is a dream world where anything can happen, but because heck, that arm drop wasn’t dramatic in the least.

“Anything can happen in this world”, eh? Including headphones being sliced off with a head, it seems.

Wait, so Yuko’s from his school? Haruto, please don’t encourage Yuko to skip school, as cool as that is.

Okay, I can see this becoming a harem crossed with The Royal Tutor…which would pretty much make this the Monogatari series. Unfortunately, because I still can’t quite detect what’s happened narrative-wise and the production values aren’t as great as they seem at first glance, I’m dropping this.

Boku no Hero Academia 27

Finally, we get out of that pool of mediocrity to get to the good stuff. Let’s go!

This new amazarashi OP is…great! Absolutely great match for this show…but as a musical choice for me, it’s kinda dull.

This old man is great humour-wise, but man, he’s basically Speed of Sound Sonic as an old geezer, LOL. The vibes between “little bro” and “big bro” are just too much.

Gran Torino really is a great old guy, basically Yoda, LOL (I had to make the comparison because even though I’ve never seen Star Wars, Horikoshi’s a fan). He can see weakness just from watching Deku on TV, which is what every great mentor should be able to do, right?

What makes movement flexible? Belief in one’s own strength and no fear for repercussions (not quite in the way Deku’s doing right now, but rather going all out all the time without having a subconscious fear drag you down). Also of course exercise and youth works in your favour.

Deku likes katsudon, LOL. No wonder he’s basically Yuri Katsuki’s little bro as well as Saitama’s, hahaha.

Best Jeanist is basically Aoyama gone pro (I’ll say ouch for Bakugou in advance).

Oh! Uwabami! I know she came from Oumagadoki Zoo, so it’s nice to see her animated!

Gahaha, Gran Torino is such a Mr Miyagi (even though I’ve never seen the original Karate Kid).

“Omazan”, LOL! This ep just keeps getting better and better!

Gahaha, I just made a comparison of Yuri Katsuki to Deku, and suddenly here come the food metaphors. This show became superhero!YOI with better comedy, and that’s just even more fantabulous than before.

This fairy tale AU, I dig it. Unfortunately, Mercy (@mercysorrows) spoilt prince!Shouto for me, but yes, this AU is just as great as the ep itself. Kaminari looks great in this, although I’m disappointed I couldn’t see Tokoyami. What a great twist at the end though, for it to be 1-A’s festival album…is that foreshadowing for a later arc, perhaps? (The All Might fire is both a fitting and a sad analogy, because All Might’s force is literally Deku’s sword and shield and All Might’s presence is what makes Deku a hero, yet it suggests Toshinori’s time as a buff man is limited…*feels all sad inside*)

Vatican Kiseki Chousakan 1

This one actually seems like it has some promise, and because I was a Detective Conan fan a few years back I’m a sucker for any new seasonal mystery series. By the way, let’s just call this “The Vatican Anime” and leave it at that, okay?

“This story is a work of fiction…” – The Vatican’s real, though, right? By the way, “succor” is, according to Google-sensei, “assistance and support in times of hardship and distress.”

The shaky camera doesn’t quite do it for me…There was similar stuff for Chronos Ruler, only that time they overdid their spinning.

I thought the door was an elevator, that’s how deceiving that doorbell was. Sheesh though, Hiraga looks like the dude from 91 Days when he’s tired (which is not a compliment!).

The Game of Angels and Demons seems to be reversi or something, Google doesn’t give me anything good on it.

*points at undressed Hiraga* Unnecessary, but wowee. Me likey.

“I’m the one who came up with the game.” – Oh, that explains why I had no proper hits on it…*sighs*

Biometrics? I thought we were in the 91 Days era, or at least another period in the past. Turns out we’re in the present (or somewhere very close to it).

Comparison to Youkai Apato here – both shows take care to state the obvious, but well…they’ve all got a good dose of (at least somewhat good looking) bishies, so I can live with that.

Okay, wait…they show Mexico on the map, but Google just keeps getting me hits for New Mexico (slightly off from the shown section of America) when I look for “aliens America 1945”, and Roswell was 1947 so uh…this really is a work of fiction, after all.

The most widespread religion where I am is Christianity, so it was optional for me to take RE back in the day. I’m not too familiar with Catholics (although there should be some if I bother to look for them), but…this smacks so much of my old RE classes yet doesn’t give me the same nostalgia as the recent Saiyuki did. Maybe it’s the cracks of subparness and the stating the obvious that are doing this.

This Jacob guy looks brainwashed. More than the other procession of priests we’ve just been introduced to, at least.

Bad CGI…then again, I keep these gripes because even Chronos Ruler does better than this and because Kado is its precedent.

“…follow the way like a little child would.”

So the show finally shows some promise! Why did it only start pulling out its big guns now? Probably lazy writing…

I know the AB negative blood is rare, but couldn’t there be someone else with that blood type around the Church? It’s not impossible, y’know?

Can someone verify the correctness of the Italian in this email?

I think we met Johannes already, so…it seems like this show has a propensity to introduce the viewer to a person twice over. That works when things are like Detective Conan (one story spread over 3 eps) but doesn’t work for 1 ep.

I get a sense of feeling of blasphemy from you guys (Hiraga and Nicolas) too, although I’ve pointed out my reasoning.

It’s a good thing it seems like the staff went out to the Vatican to get something that looks realistic, eh?

Wait, is Lauren a man?! Oh my…Also, from my version of the video (from Hidive/Sentai) I get the feeling the next ep preview got blended into the ED. Or was that just time constraints?

Wait, there’s a Horror Bunko? If I knew a Horror Bunko existed, why haven’t they started adapting stuff from it until now? I think people have been complaining about the lack of good horror works in anime…(Oh, I could probably answer my own question there – horror isn’t that popular in Japan itself. It’s popular in the West though…)

All in all, it’s not quite as Scooby-Doo as some people have pegged it to be, but not inspiring enough to continue.

Katsugeki 2

I’m pretty scarce on choice, so I’m doing what was previously never ever done before – I’m picking up one of my worst rankers (Hina Logi) to have a second look at. Mind you, we’ve had an overall stinker of a season so far.

(insert “Come at me, bro!” joke for Tonbokiri)

Huh, interesting – I’ve used female pronouns for the saniwa due to the female VA, but now that I properly listen to them, they do seem more like a dude. Does that mean that Touken Ranbu is specifically trying to go for a larger audience than just fangirls? Of course, for the fangirls, there’s Hanamaru, but Katsugeki’s way better.

Okay, Mutsu. 6 bullets is overkill, calm your gun-totin’ farm. Mutsu’s much like the typical anime protag and while he’s an alright sword, I never have been able to understand the appeal behind him. Maybe he’s for the people who like muscular bishies…? Tonbokiri and Yamabushi probably do that better than him…

LOL, these two. However, just comparing their stats, Kane-san edges over Mutsu a bit for everything aside from range…and that’s only because most swords have a short range.

When you talk about Tonbokiri, you often hear the legend, so it’s no surprise to hear it here. I’m just not good with sorting these swords chronologically though, so…Tonbikiri comes from the age of Nobunaga no Shinobi, huh? Interesting.

Daifuku.

The reason Mutsu carries a gun is because Ryoma Sakamoto was around during the dying days of the age of swords.

It’s kinda hard to hear what Mutsu’s saying from the way he talks, but the hot pot is specifically a nabe.

Noting that Tonbokiri’s ben out about 50 times, this saniwa really is a rookie and this era is probably the second or third map. Yagen isn’t too rare though, so he’s probably the biggest veteran here in regards to this saniwa. However, Mutsu’s number means that this saniwa’s starter wasn’t him…who was it, then?

Mutsu’s statement about daifuku is a pun on the fact “daifuku” means “great luck” as well as being a name for this mochi-like item.

Mutsu, weren’t you going to eat…?

What even is a Historical Restraining Force? Is that the group the saniwa is part of?…My bad, they just explained it.

One of the things that make Touken Ranbu so great is the propensity of it to go from battle action to serious drama or poignant melancholy at the drop of a hat.

This ED…was an odd choice, but has a nice singer. I realised the shots of people I don’t recognise show the swords when they were…y’know, swords. I still love the style of the next ep preview though (it’s even got the same BGM as the game!) and as expected, the citadel at the end of the ED is gorgeous.

Hina Logi 2

Good anime are scarce this season and magical girl shows that can be put through the commentary are scarcer, so…here we are.

“Rice Balls Over Flowers” is hana yori dango. Plus, hina means chick and since chicks are cute, I guess that’s where the aesthetic of the show comes from.

Someone likes the Osomatsu-san ED aesthetic, it seems.

How can you walk and not notice those breasts??? That’s exactly why I didn’t want to pick up this show again.

A qipao is a type of Chinese dress, the sort that normally has a slit up the leg and a skirt that doesn’t quite go to the knees.

Interesting, they’ve incorporated the panda hair accessories into the Trance.

For some reason, the production values here are quite nice, meaning either luck and Logic sells well in Japan or Bushiroad put a lot of their funding behind this…it’s probably a case of both.

She wants to stay with Nina, but unless she was either bored or maltreated at her home castle (which I don’t think was the case) I don’t really get Lion’s motivations…

Well, it actually was a rice ball (onigiri)! Geez, these puns…

Nina needing a logical answer is of course appropriate for a show based off Luck and Logic, LOL.

I seem to remember this Veronica lady from the original, which is funny, because I don’t remember Nina and Luck and Logic was very forgettable…

*tries to sneak away* Gratuitous boob shot? On a high schooler? Yeah, nah.

“small little town” – Small and little are the same thing though…

Trying to entice the lolicons with this ED is not good, y’know.

There really seems to be something hinted about Kagura-sensei, y’know?

I’ve termed this season “the race to the bottom”, but it was interesting to actually pull out a low ranker and give it a second chance. While I’m still not into Hina Logi as a whole and I gave it a 30 first time around, it’s probably better than that stinker Konbini Kareshi.

Hina Logi 3

*shakes head* Only in anime would someone ride a rocket like this. Only in anime.

I can’t see what Lion’s pointing to…

I am screaming profanities at my screen and shaking my head. Only in anime would a plotline like this happen. Only in anime!

I kinda understand Lion’s plight, since my dad used to go to my school to help out every now and again or have parent teacher interviews. Of course, that was when I was much younger, so…yeah. I think the staff are trying to get more younger girls involved in this by bringing in a “sexy dad”, but my tastes don’t skew that way.

Oh, now I understand Lion, but I still don’t get Mahiro, Yayoi, Karin or Karen.

Doesn’t spasibo mean “thank you” in Russian?…Yep. So Liones (country) is based on Russia, then.

Oh gosh, it’s one of those “There are two trains” questions…they bore me to death so much (and I can never solve them!) that as much as I like solving anime board questions, I’ll pass on this one.

The subber at CR decided to put their sub out of the way at the expense of being able to read the question. However, not being able to read the sub of the dialogue is a major problem! So I have absolutely no idea what the teacher was saying during the time she had that math problem up! (Also, that Foreigner question would depend on if you defeated the monster on impact or took extra time to properly defeat it.)

When there’s that screen with the four visuals on it, there’s a girl with a horned hoodie. I recognise her from the original series, but I don’t remember her name.

Here’s something on ezhiki, although there also appears to be a cookie variant.

Little kids always want their own independence, to the point where running away is one of those things most kids do, but then they come back. I don’t think I ever ran away from home, though. I was always too busy with studies and piano to run away…

I know these eyecatch-style screens are meant to be funny, but still…I never laugh at them…isn’t that sad for a show that wants to be a funny slice of life/fantasy…thing?

Last time I saw a bear in anime, it was Armed Girls Machiavellism…

Why would you ever need a bear repelling machine???

Who’s Belle?…Oh yeah, Belle is the squirrel.

Dasvidanya = goodbye. I’ve learnt more Russian because of anime than I ever would have without it (I read the entirety of Crime and Punishment thanks to that gorgeous Fyodor in Bungou Stray Dogs, y’know).

#simulcast commentary #katsugeki touken ranbu #chronos ruler #boku no hero academia #hina logi: from luck & logic #knight's & magic #18if #vatican kiseki chousakan #saiyuki reload blast #konbini kareshi #chesarka watches boku no hero academia #7o3x: fastest finger first #Chesarka watches Saiyuki RB #Chesarka watches Katsugeki

[hotokeiki]

Week 130: J-pop

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K97VJBYPFeQ

I’m back! 

Is this the longest I’ve gone between posts?

Linda: Actually, no. Or did you forget that you didn’t post at all in April. Do you not like April, Kanchou? The hope of a post in April.. “Shigatsu wa ‘Kanchou’ no Uso”

Ouch, harsh. Well played. Y’know Linda, that was supposed to be a rhetorical question, but fine. XD

And I’m also posting on a Thursday, but it’s fine. A lot of stuff has happened… I say that a lot.

I got an A in my Business Management class. I initially got 45/50 on the midterm and final quizzes, but there was a question wrong on both of them (the correct answer for the question was wrong). I emailed my professor and got my points back. On the final, he said he’d give me my point back, but I’m already getting an A. He probably didn’t see the point, but I got the answer right, so I want it marked as right. I really don’t care what it does to the grade. It was a really interesting class, and I learned way more than I thought I would. And I used concepts from other classes I’ve taken, like PSYC 101, Psychology of Women, Control Systems, Communication Systems, etc. You never know what will come in handy.

So, I accepted an internship with Software For Hire in Mankato, and I started there this week. It was going to be last week, but I hadn’t changed my availability at Hy Vee before that week had been scheduled. So, I accepted the internship two weeks ago, and my boss told me to start this week instead of last week. Which was really good, because I worked four days in a row (Friday – Monday), two of which were a Double Two-Day Sale (Friday – Saturday).

Like, what? So, I made it through to Monday (hating the world XD). I was absolutely drained, and was kind of pissed. I was quite irritable, and knew I’d pushed myself too hard and was probably gonna get sick. Well, I did, but I actually already was, I think? I got Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease (HFDM). I should preface this by saying that my little brother Josh was currently sick with it, but what I had didn’t seem like the same thing (and I avoided him). We’re pretty sure it came from when Sam (my older brother’s girlfriend’s son) had it and my mom was babysitting him. Sam was sick a couple months ago, but we think it just takes a while for the virus to take effect.

Mom thinks we got it, because we’ve never had Chicken Pox. But anyway, Josh and I are both healthy now.. just waiting for the remnants of the rash to go away. [Also if you get this, and the viral rash is ridiculously itchy, repeatedly wash your hands in a Povidone Iodine solution. It really helps. It made my hands feel like hands again… instead of crab claws. And it works better than soaking your hands in baking soda water for 20 minutes while watching Overlord Abridged. XD]

The internship at Software For Hire is going well. I haven’t worked it long enough to give you a proper opinion, but it’s cool. I’m currently working on a special request for a customer on one of the devices we’ve already been working on. It’s much more comfortable than Kato Engineering.

Ok, I’m done. These long summaries are getting old. I’m trying to get everything in order so this can stop happening. XD

Well, I haven’t really found any new music, so I was kind of unsure at first what to post. But I’ve been listening to this one a lot lately, so I’m just gonna talk about it. XD

Join Us by Takeshi Kusao and Miyu Irino is another character song duet by the kings of Palmier Kingdom, Coco and Nuts.

I don’t have a lot to say, because I’ve already talked about these guys. But like I said, I’ve been listening to the song a lot, so I wanted to share it with you guys.

 I really like the combination of Takeshi Kusao and Miyu Irino’s voices. They have good harmonies and blend well together. They may be my favorite Japanese male duet group, but Tackey and Tsubasa is definitely up there.

 As for the song, I really like the use of horns, mixed with the bass, and the light drums. It sounds like there’s acoustic guitar as well as electric guitar. It is synthetic, but has a kind of acoustic feel to it. The thing that I love about this song is that sound effect. I don’t know what it is, but that whoosh~y sound that plays at the beginning and during the chorus. It’s probably just a synthesizer, that sliding sound (I don’t know what to call it XD). It really accentuates the upbeats.

 And the melody has a good rhythm to it that complements the rhythm section well. It’s just a really upbeat and moving song that’s fun to listen to. There’s a reason why I like Pretty Cure music. They’ve got some really good guys on their music team.

 This song is also markedly different than Coco and Nuts’s other duets. I find myself trying to sing it a lot, but it’s a little out of my range. It’s really fun! XD

 Album: Yes! Pretty Cure 5 GoGo! Coco&Nuts Vocal Best: Bokura ga Ita Koto Track: 7 Lyricist: Natsumi Tadano Composer: Nao Asada Arranger: Kenichiro Oishi Artist: Coco (Takeshi Kusao) & Nuts (Miyu Irino)

 Well, that’ll do it for this week.

 Now that I’m done with my Business Management class and have kind of gotten into the rhythm with my internship, I should be on a more regular basis. If it makes sense, I’ll do what I can.

 I’m just getting used to all of the changes that’ve happened. I finally got my PS3 controller working with my computer, and I’m planning to stream this weekend. I’m gonna do a test stream today to get everything working. I’ll put a link to it if you want to see.

 And Josh and I finally resumed One Piece, although (even after watching around 15 episodes, maybe) we’re still behind by more than 20 episodes. XD

 Oh, and one last thing. I went to the eye doctor earlier today, and got new lenses order. I’ve needed stronger glasses for at least a semester now. And I was able to get free frames! So, I didn’t have to leave my good glasses with them for a week of my internship. That would’ve sucked.

 Needless to say, things are going well. I just need to commit and make the best of the situations as they come up.

 Thanks for listening, guys.

 If you have any questions (really about anything) or requests (for future posts, because I’m running out of ideas, maybe XD), please let me know. There is a plethora of social media that you can reach me at.

 Have a good week, guys!

 - Chris  ——————————————————————————- Minna, gokitai kudasai!!

#Join Us #Takeshi Kusao #Coco #Miyu Irino #Nuts #Yes! Pretty Cure 5 GoGo! #Weekly J-pop #Week 130