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#acknowledging that i dont need to make myself cope to perform at the same level as someone who doesnt have dyslexia
blacklinguist · 3 years
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so .. i've been thinking about getting accommodations for my dyslexia again and reframing exactly why i think i dont need them
im finally acknowledging to myself that although i have been using a thousand different coping methods to still (attempt to) move like a neurotypical person, that was not of my own volition originally. i didn't know i was dyslexic until the summer before my junior year of college.
if i had accommodations before then (i still dont btw), maybe i wouldn't have suffered through middle school and high school like i did. through college too obviously (i love learning and i love pain clearly), but if i had help then, i could've prevented a lot of the test anxiety i had (and still have--hence why i wrote a 70 page thesis over taking an 8 hour exam).
i finish exams very quickly now, mostly because i'm scared to actually take my time, and i feel like i'll mess up if i slow down. but if i had the extra time to slow down, maybe that would make life better for me, just saying.
i would love to slow down for my phd, and not hammer a thousand concepts into my brain. i know i CAN do that, but i don't want to. i've been in higher ed for six years now, and mentally it's been exhausting for long periods of time.
i want to show myself that i can still be the scholar i want to be, even if that means taking longer, being patient with myself, acknowledging my limits, not pushing past my own boundaries, and being proud to be where i am in spite of my disability.
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